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#im afraid if i do i cant go back
crystallizsch · 2 months
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sigh i had an epiphany
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book 4 is just a whole ass scooby doo episode huh
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harvestmoth · 5 months
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okay last one. au where nothing goes wrong at all ever (a lie) and melia venam gay moment
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ra-vio · 2 days
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semester is almost over. im dying
#my oc#rune#mori#i have a project due tomorrow and its finally scared me back into drawing#even though i should be working on this project but im SO SO SO TIRED#i went on an outing like 2 weeks ago the same week that i walked everywhere cause i was desperately#trying to get my taxes done but thats a different story but the point is i was walking a lot and i went on an outing where i stood all day#and then i had to go to class the very next day thinking i was fine but i wasnt.#and that same day after i walked across the city because i absolutely had to pick a thing up. i think the same week i met up with my mom#a couple of times but i was walking the whole way there. my point is that for 2 weeks straight i have been rigorously walking everywhere#and on my feet all the time with little breaks in between and my feet fucking hurt man#i need this semester to be OVER i need to sleep for a MONTH#but i cant because i have to scrape together SOME of this project and finals are next week#this class this project is for fucking sucks. all semester ive been teetering the line between pass and fail#and its not even my fucking fault. im so burnt out so i dont want to do this project. but i might fail if i dont#i need to at least demo it but i have like. one thing done and i dunno what to tell my TA about i#how do i tell my TA and prof that everything is too much for me so i absolutely could work on this project#my laptop is broken so im afraid to use it. the server kept going down last month so i was afraid to use that#so many stupid little things keep piling up and i'd sound really weird trying to explain why i cant do my work#because my desk is on the floor and it makes me really sad so no i cant do my hw. my fave candy has red40 in it so i had to stop eating it#but now i cant do my work because i was using it to help me focus on my hw. LIFE SUCKS BRO#anyway whatever happens. i cant wait to play video games again
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wat-zu · 12 days
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Absolutely love your art. I want to nom it.
Also, Hollow Heads Siblings my beloveds,,,
Theyre the doomed siblings ever its not even funny
#Oouugh i have thoughts abt the hollowhead siblings. How theyre so intricately tied to eachother since their birth but they'd be#Eachother'd downfall. Esp when it's Dark and his relationship with the others#Dark would never understand what chosen went through. Mainly bc i think chosen is used to fighting his internal battles on his own#While he was in captive as an ad blocker. He loves Dark. He's grateful for Dark bc without him he wouldn't be free#But Dark isnt exactly someone reliable enough for Chosen to get the necessary healing he wants and needs#But that won't stop Dark from trying to fix him. Creates the virus for revenge. As chosen watches his brother spiral and spiral#As he watches him drift further away. Unable to get him back without a shouting match. As he watches with his heart heavy and cracked at-#Their stiffed interactions and strained relationship. He can't remember a time where they shared geniune laughs.#Then tsc coming came and changed everything.#Because this is someone who went through Chosen's pain albeit a lil differently. Someone who knows. Someone who /understands/. And this-#Someone is so much more younger than them and had to go through that pain in such a short amount of time since their birth#He sees himself in them. And he's rather walk up to alan demanding to get his hands cuffed than let tsc fester in that pain.#So tsc became chosen's priority. Healed eachother in many ways than one and are at echother's beck and call if need be.#As for Dark. I think he'd manipulate tsc into using him for his revenge. After stalking out his code and finding out about his potential#And TSC cant help but fall for his manipulations. Since this person is very very important to Chosen and they want so badly to impress-#Them both. They agreed and overtime grew to love eachother. And overtime Dark shifted his goals just a tad bit. Getting TSC more and more-#Involved. Since hey if Chosen doesn't like touching alan with a 10 ft pole why not let this kid do. And TCS agrees to this thinking that-#This is it. This is can finally heal them completely. Finally out of sight and out of mind. Finally can't live without the pain lingering#And chosen watches them with a sense of deja vu. At loss at what to do and so so afraid to lose two of his lil siblings#Then shit hits the brick UBSJDBSJSN#They make me so ill im not even kidding when i said theyre so so very very doomed!!!!!!!!!#This is abt the au btw BAHHAHAHABHA
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todayisafridaynight · 12 days
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I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh
hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]
i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..
#snap chats#//twenty page google doc in the background// ignore that. it's mostly for comedic purposes#might also be my fault idk sorry about that. allegedly. idk ive had like three people tell me they started to ship them cause of me 🧍‍♂️#@mementoasts is another person who's drawn masadai and whose stuff i love and am inspod by .. i love their disneyland fic sm ...#there was another artist on twitter who posted a neat drawing of them but i cant remember who they were and i didnt bookmark it //screams//#recently there's been ANOTHER masadai artist ive started following on twitter - @wifekiryu. his account's n/s/f/w fyi before you go looking#he has a tumblr too @foxdies. i say cause i realized as much recently vjeaKLGJALKGJ#oh but I GUESS ill get deeper into why. /i/ personally ship masadai or whatever#first off they're opposing factions yet their character alignments Do Not Match their roles. stereotypically anyway#aoki who leads the 'surface' of society and is meant to be an admirable figure and someone 'just' when really. he sucks LMAO#though that's not atypical of politicians but just from a stereotypical This Is A Respectable Individual perspective of his role#daigo on the other hand leads the 'underbelly' of society- yk comprised of dangerous criminals and outcasts and whatnot#yet as we know him daigo's compassionate and considerate of his men- he doesnt treat them like tools like aoki does#if put in a room with the two daigo would be most people's choice of person to hang out with. probably open a trapdoor on aoki tbh#and i think thats really cool and epic i always love that kinda Subverting Expectations thing#theres also the fact they both started off like. edgy/angsty in the franchise and then brush up down the line#masato does a stronger 180. publicly. obviously but its still really funny they both have to get their act together#if you wanna talk about in-text reasons. there really is none LMAO I TELLS YOU masadai is pure crack#but if i wanted to pull a muscle reaching then there's daigo being on aoki's side while everyone else is on arakawa's during the funeral#im lying of course. mitsu was behind him. rgg tryna make me forget mitsu exist .... put him back in y8 ....#and ofc ichi joins that side to even out the seating but moving on another Goofy Reason is arakawa being like#'the chairman and my son are like p much the same age Surely he knows how he thinks :)'#and then i just think daigo being all smarmy about outsmarting aoki is really goofy and im choosing to interpret that as personal#they both also have issues with their dad. s. dad/s/. anyway.#tbh the google doc tag was a joke but i really could sit here and list every dumb reason why i think theyre funny together#like i started going over the tag limit so uhhhh yeah needless to say i have a lot of. dumb reasons 💀💀💀💀#one day ill use the main text for long rambles like this but todays not that day Point Is my imagination is rampant im afraid#so the short and sweet of it is I Think It's Funny. And They'd Be Terrible Together. Which Is Why It's Funny.#and the unfortunate part is anything i find funny i obsess over for a year so. //gestures to the mountain of bullshit thats my masadai tag/
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saeshiraw · 8 months
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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hauntedwoman · 5 months
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my intense avoidance of being rejected and feeling shame and thinking that people are mad at me or hate me is ruining my life lol <3
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steampoweredskeleton · 4 months
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Ignore
#delete later#i have three medical appointments in the work day in the next three weeks#one on Thursday then two mid/late January and i know that its good bc i need these appointments but i get so#anxious that ppl ay work are mad at me for having so many#im also scared about thirsdays one bc its for my ankle and hand pain and ironically the hand is way better and the ankle is also#more stable. something clicked again a couple days ago and fixed the pain in half of ky foot. no idea what happened there but#the click itself hirt like a bitch which is new. most of my pain doesnt start with a click and most clicks are painless#so fun#im just in a permanent state of being afraid i wont be taken seriously. my physio wanted a scan on my foot so om gonna#relay that but like idk what theyre gonna say. also if they do want to swnd me for a scan that's gpnna be ANOTHER appointment#so fuck me i guess. at the very leasy its not like severe psin any more so they wont send me to a and e for an x ray like they did#with my hip that one time. that would fucking suck to explain tp my manager#hey julia im fine but ive been sent ro rhe hospital for a scan so i guess ill be back when im back?#fuck me im anxious. and i hace so much apprenticeship work tp do i want to scream#also was distracted by my aching hands bc often they just ache abd successfully triggered myself so bow time to play what#is actual acge and what is remembered ache oh joy#one of the other appointments is gender clinic appointment abd im hoping to get referred for top surgery now ive been on t#for 9 months. waiting list gonna be like four fucking years but debating saving like mad abd going private bc jesus Christ#i cant bind bc of sensory problems and constantly aching ribs and last time i taped i ripped chunks of skin off so kinda#think i shouldn't do that again but like it sucks. not as bad now that my voice is dropping abd shit but still not fun#we'll see!
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limielle · 6 months
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idk i feel like so much discourse could be easily minimized if people learned to say "i think" instead of "it is"
#like “i think this is a bad game” is way less abrasive/aggressive than “this is a bad game”#do u know where im going w this like#it's literally 2 extra words and it could avoid like 99% of confrontation#ofc there would still be people who are like “omg how can u hate smth i like ur trash” but idk i feel like so much of this discourse u see#on twt especially#is like ? just people being deliberately aggressive abt stuff they dont like to antagonise others and then going “its just my opinion”#and it's hard to read tone online so it's often hard for me (and im sure for others ?? idk actually) to read whether or not sm1 is being#like. just sharing what they think vs them trying to bait out people who will defend smth they like#idk ive been trying to find ffxiv people to follow bc getting back into the game and finally being confident in my art to draw for it also#has me looking for ppl to follow but i wanna avoid the big livetweet first time experiencers and unfortunately that leaves#a lot of people who are afraid of dawntrail/unhappy with the current patch quests#of which i am neither and i also dont want to log on to the internet every day just to see ppl shitting on things u know ?#and i have seen a LOT of like#'x sucked' and 'fandom lacks critical reading skills' and whatnot#but then u see what theyre talking abt and all theyre doing is shitting on the game itself or going 'x expansion was mid'#like . if u stopped phrasing ur opinions as objective fact i feel like maybe ud avoid half those arguments id k???#just words#SORRY im talkative today the truth is i worked on a drawing veyr hard and i do not have the strength to colour it but it will not look good#without colour and i feel like i cant move on without it so i went and replayed shadowbringers instead and cried a lot#and now i have lots of icarus feelings again#WOW loiok at me writing an essay out here i overshare so much im sorry
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australet789 · 1 year
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Went to the therapist yesterday and she told me that the reason im hurting everywhere is because i dont do enough physical activity and basically told me im overweight
Which, maybe i am, and yes, i used to do a lot of exercise before the pandemic (then gyms closed and i had to halt everything).
And i just. I dont think she is wrong because i honestly dont move much. I just feel so tired. And my ankle still hurts even when im lying on my bed resting.
And i also feel like a fake. That i complained here so much about my pain being something so easy to take care of and i should just endure it.
Idk anymore
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haemosexuality · 4 months
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i feel like im probably gonna be talking about this a lot here since i cant talk to Her about it and it really is bothering me so much
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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...
#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is#all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much#because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions#mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect#and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it#it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter#but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but#mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read#cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about#how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron#separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward#the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not#allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i#talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand#so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday#and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having#a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself#sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like#reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for.#the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it#doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of#ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put#myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing#unrelated
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guzmapkmn-archive · 1 year
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I thought I added my phone number for text updates before I quit my job at the pharmacy but what if I did it wrong,,,, and it's ready and I don't know 😔😔
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applestruda · 1 year
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homwst the frick do you work so fast? i feel like i see new art from you at inhuman levels of fast. like i relate to that meme of the girl with all the pancakes
Jwjw sorry,, yeah erm, I average like 5 to 6 hours of drawing a day. This sort of thing tends to happen when I get hooked on something and just have a ridiculous amount of ideas and stuff I want to draw. But also being on here has been really inspiring so I feel even more motivated to draw
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jrueships · 10 months
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you asked, you shall receive (also forgive me this is gonna be hella long but also it's ur fault bc u asked for it)
so what i was thinking of was that before the season even starts, hollywood thinks he's gotten over the whole qb-wr-breakup thing quite well. it's been more than a year since he got traded, he got a whole season down with his new team, so he thinks it's all gucci leading up to opening week.
this confidence comes crashing down on him though when the season actually starts, and he sees lamar & obj chopping it up better than they ever did (this is just a bold prediction laced w a lil hope from me but don't mind it). it doesn't help that lamar has really good chemistry with the rest of his brand new receiver core as well, with rashod and especially that rookie zay flowers (who's already been called a "better hollywood" before). it nags at hollywood's pride to see his ex (lmao) thrive without even thinking of him, to the point where he rants to kyler whenever the ravens do something (aka hating because they're good). he tries to keep his feelings at bay until week 8, but inevitably fails once the game rolls around and lamar has that same great chemistry with his receivers (especially obj, but he's like The Notorious B.O.T.T.O.M. so it doesn't matter)
the game goes how the game goes, but after the fact, they do the ole shake hands pat on the helmet thing and hollywood is zoned out most of the time. when he gets to lamar, he tries desperately to avoid eye contact, avoid seeing the shimmering lights of victory (another bold prediction but shhhh) in lamar's eyes. lamar doesn't carry that air of somberness and melancholy that he did during the preseason game last year, he looks like he's moved on from the trade for real and something about it bothers hollywood. basically, the roles are flipped from last time and hollywood hates it lmao
this is mostly from holly's perspective but if you want i could expand a lil more on lamar's side of things (i do think this all messed holly up more than it did lamar but maybe that's my bias as a ravens fan lol)
KARMA KARMA KARMA KARMA!!!!!!! I LOVE IT.
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^^a good remind of my thoughts to hone in the irony
YES THOOOOO I LOVE IT. BECAUSE IT'S HOLLYWOOD'S 'BLAME IT ON THE BUSINESS. IT'S JUST BUSINESS. IT'S NOTHINF PERSONAL KID, HEH.' coming back and EGGING HIM ON THE FACE x10 OVER. Like he already got the shell of it with the whole thing accidentally hurting lamar's feelings and then relationship with the organization for a bit.. but those could be not exactly excused.. but have their damage diminished by the necessity cause of business. Hollywood's not the bad guy... the BUSINESS is! Hollywood's not responsible, doesn't need that weight, can't bear the weight anyways... the BUSINESS IS! the business CAN!
... and now, the business is Actually playing a role, without Hollywood forcing it to. Now, it says 'you know what? You want us to play the bad guy? .... Aight. Check this then.'
Quarterbacks need new wide receivers after their old (trustworthy) (best friends) Ditch them, so. All business did was get Lamar some. All business did was step up where Hollywood couldn't because business holds the power and the responsibility and Hollywood? Does not.
And if one of those wide receivers happen to be THE notorious B.O.T.T.O.M, old dirty bastard O.B.J?
That's just business, baby.
As it's .. 'apparently' always been. So why have the nerve to complain now, marquis? Hm? Seems a bit . Suspicious .
And clearly, Lamar is doing okay. No, more than ok, Better. He's doing WAY Better. And that's what was wanted, right? By business, anyways. And by personally, it should be too. By good people. And business isn't good people... so why does it get the positives? The Bad Guy?
... maybe because it wasn't.
At least in the beginning, anyways.
But Hollywood doesn't wanna think about that. And he doesn't want to think about how funny he feels about seeing Lamar so happy now... WITH OTHER PEOPLE, i mean. That's the problem. The ONLY problem. It's with other people. He's happy when Lamar's happy because he loves lamar and hes the kind of good person that loves that his lover is happy. He can do that. He doesn't have to FORCE himself to be good. He's not a bad person, no- fuck. He's not . Selfish. IT WAS THE BUSINESS. OKAY? IT WAS AN EXECUTIVE BUSINESS DECISION ON HIS PART. for his CAREER.
So he's not sore at all about leaving. He's not sore about some 'better Hollywood' on the- HIS old team now. He doesn't care about some new young wr core. And obj will probably pull some diva shit soon enough or whatever. He. Presumes anyways. Or... hopes, moreso- NO FUCK. HE DOESN'T HOPE. THAT WOULD BE- it's just- well. I mean. If something WERE to happen then well- so be it...........
Anyways. It doesn't matter. He doesn't. He doesn't care. Because clearly. Lamar doesn't either, anymore.. and hollywood Definitely doesn't care about that....... because if, and this is an IF, he METAPHORICALLY DID . . he would miss it. He would miss it like a horrible person would AND HE DOESN'T ! BECAUSE
HOLLYWOOD
ISN'T
A
HORRIBLE
--
.
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kempt · 7 months
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my mom is so infuriating
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