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stxrvel · 1 year

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the voices in my head (7)

series summary: you woke up from a long coma with no memory of a part of your life only to be told by your teammates that you're married to the man you hated seven years ago. even though that seemed to be the only problem, as time goes on you're realizing there's a lot more history and mystery behind the accident that left you in medical care for months. blackouts, more memory loss, mistrust and a strange man who seems to be connected to everything. every day it gets harder to trust anyone around you, but you won't stop until you can finally uncover the truth behind the accident.

chapter summary: you try to get answers, but not everything is as it seems. you may actually be living a lie.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +5k

warnings: bad words and descriptions of blood. a lot of confusing answers too.

note: ok guys. heres the next part in this series and i dont even know what happened. im kind of a let it happen writer, so i just started writing this chapter with what i had in my drafts, and the suddenly everyting came to life and started to write itself. like i dont know whats happening anymore, 80% of this wasnt planned. BUT i dont dislike the way this one turned out. im actually happy because it filled a gap in the plot that i'd had for some time and didn't know how to handle. as you may have seen in my reblogs, i dont tend to plan things out, i just start writing and the characters will tell me their stories. so, i just hope you guys love and ejoy this chapter!! know feedback is alwas appreciated! and i hope you end up as confused as i am. love you all!

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Bucky was in a haze. His fingers were trembling and he felt his heart racing to get out of his chest. He didn't know what he was doing, but he let his body guide him because there had to be a reason for all that, for all that fuss, for all that suffering. His feet hurt, he didn't even know how long he had been running for, but not even the rest of the team following behind him had made him stop until now. (Maybe they didn't want to stop him either.)

Maybe he was already in the middle of that city. There were too many buildings, sounds of car horns, the hurried footsteps of people walking past him, tapping his shoulder, not even looking at him as if he didn't even deserve to be recognized by a stranger before staggering his whole world.

Bucky wasn't sure he deserved many things anymore. He used to think it was all a gift, he used to think that after so much pain he was finally collecting happiness and peace of mind. He thought he really deserved it. But maybe he didn't. If all that had happened behind his back, if he had allowed it, if he hadn't even suspected it? Did he even deserve a look?

No, maybe he deserved those rubs, the footsteps on his boots, the coffee on his jacket. Maybe he deserved to feel that pain, that burning. Maybe it was the least he could do, it was the only thing he could give back, because in his foggy mind he couldn't think of what else he could do. He deserved that pain and more because it surely didn't even compare to yours, nor did it come close on the heels of everything you had to do.

There was a moment when he thought that had he had the chance to handle that damned time gem hanging around Strange's neck he would have done it without hesitation, not for a single second, not like that damned Stephen had hesitated and in vain. Maybe things would have been different, maybe everyone would be different now? Maybe you would hate him now. Maybe now the pain would be bearable. Maybe he wouldn't walk the streets of that city that had taken everything from him thinking the world had just fallen on his shoulders.

“Bucky, you're not going to find him,” he heard Carol speak to his left side, but his mind erased the memory.

He was alone walking through the city. He couldn't even remember why his white shirt felt sticky against his skin.

Whatever had happened that morning seemed to have been momentarily erased.

Bucky stopped.

What was he doing there?

The sound of morning stress suddenly stunned him. He shifted on his feet to look around, to see how everyone was still moving, how the sun was still shining and the clouds were racing across the sky, seeing how everything was still the same while for him everything had stopped.

“Where is she?” Bucky thought he was asking a voice in his head, a figment of his imagination, but the hand on his shoulder had to be real. It felt real.

Bucky didn't say much for much of the morning. You watched him, stoic and lost in thought from time to time, barely shaking his head in acknowledgement when you told him something. He had given no answer to your questions and as much as you wanted to keep asking, as much as you wanted to insist, something in his eyes prevented you from doing so.

So you spent a good part of the day like that, with Bucky at your side, reluctant to let go of your arm, not encouraging you to do anything else. Everything that had happened that day, all your crazy conjectures and theories slowly faded from your head as you relaxed by his side, letting go of the accumulated tiredness you'd felt since the day everything started to change.

And you had several strange dreams, surrounded by destruction, blows that felt strangely real, full of tears and full of suffering.

But one of them stood out from the others.

You were somewhat confused to see Bucky that morning. His mission was supposed to take at least a few more days and you had already made up your mind that you wouldn't see him for a while. Getting used to it was easy though, but you preferred to ignore that reality.

He passed right in front of you, walking as if it was nothing, ignoring your presence completely. Not that you were expecting anything different either. No, of course you weren't. After the way things left off when he left, you didn't expect him to forgive you so soon.

You could barely let out the air you were holding when he disappeared down the hall.

“What's wrong?” you heard Natasha's voice.

You turned around startled. She had planted herself next to you, her uniform dirty and heavily bloodstained.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it's not mine.” Natasha waved her hand in a nonchalant gesture.

“Why did you guys come back so soon?”

“The track was a dead end. There was nothing there.”

“It was a trap.”

“Yeah,” Natasha sighed, turning her head to see Steve getting off the Quinjet. “She knew we were going. She couldn't wait to see our stupid faces.”

You clicked your tongue. “How come she's always three steps ahead of us?”

“We've been wondering the same thing.”

Natasha had started walking toward the end of the hallway and you were about to follow her until you ran into a familiar face on one side of Steve.

“What's he doing here?”

Natasha didn't answer you, and when you turned to see her she had a tired expression on her face.

“Well since we've been going on so many missions without a good result, the UN panel that controls us is going to start limiting our outings.”

“What? But she's completely unpredictable!”

“I know, believe me we tried to talk to him. They contacted us since we were coming back. They're very adamant, and it's not like we can do much about it.”

Natasha giving up just like that didn't give you much hope. You watched Steve listen to Secretary Ross with his hands on his hips and a droopy expression. He didn't seem to agree much, but he couldn't say no either. Surely more than anyone else he was the one who was having the hardest time with the whole Accords thing.

You wanted to think for a moment that that was the real reason Bucky had ignored you when he arrived and not because of the discussion you two had that was overheard by half the building about three days before. The subject of the Accords was also a hard subject for him, but more than anything else because of the bombing, because of everything that had happened after that. The fight he blamed himself for every chance he got and the concede. They had been able to go far but not far enough. You knew Bucky spent many days thinking about all that.

But hey, besides that news he must still be pretty mad at you. At least that was something you could fix.

“So we're back to waiting,” you finally spoke up turning to look at Natasha. The woman barely twisted her lips in response.

“If they don't think this is a global threat, I don't know what one thing has to happen for them to let us do our job right,” Natasha walked down the hall with you trailing at her heels, a grimace on her face and a frown on her face. “Will it have to cost someone's life for them to notice?”

“Nat,” you furrowed your brow at her words. “We should think this is enough. Something worse could have happened. If Steve hadn't given up after the fight at the airport, where do you think they'd be now? And you? The group would have disbanded. We could have been pushed even harder, but the government and the countries were more condescending.”

“I wish it was enough for me. Thinking like that must bring you peace.”

You ran your tongue in front of your teeth with a disguised grimace. Natasha didn't notice as you watched her red hair and black suit as yoou approached the main hall of the Complex.

“I'm just thinking this way to ease the violent thoughts of you all. You know I didn't want to sign either.”

“But you did,” Natasha paused at the foot of the stairs. You could tell from there that Bucky was talking to Sam and Tony was meeting with Clint.

“It was all going to end very badly if I didn't. You know what they think of me. If I had gone with you and Steve they would have not only wanted to contain me but neutralize me. And you know they would've done it any way they could.”

Natasha's eyes flashed in recognition. You knew what was going through her head because you had been through it once before and it had been a horrible experience that had been burned into the minds of every one of your teammates. Especially Bucky's and yours.

“I wouldn't have let them near you,” she spoke, her voice soft and full of feeling.

“And I wouldn't have let you carry that for me.”

Natasha sketched a half-smile, shaking her head.

“I guess we'd both die trying to keep the other from dying.”

The conversation ended there and soon you were both in the living room near Clint and Tony. You watched them chat about the mission. You noticed the somber expression on Stark's face when Natasha told him that Secretary Ross was talking to Steve. You caught the moment when Clint sighed heavily and moved his hand to turn down the volume on the device in his ear, he did that every time someone mentioned something about the Accords or the Secretary. Sometimes even when someone talked about Germany. Clint was the most evasive of all on that subject.

Sam and Bucky were too far away for you to tell if they were listening the conversation, although considering that the latter had a super serum running through his veins, he probably had super hearing that allowed him to, even if it was against his will.

But despite the distance you could tell that his eyes were on yours. He was resting his elbows on his knees, leaning forward. His expression matched Tony's and you wondered how much it would cost you to get the two of them to sit down and talk about the things that had happened. Within that civil war, they were probably the ones who had had it the worst. But that was almost impossible, they both hated each other almost to death.

You were attracted by his gaze and started walking before you knew it. Sam stood up and gave you a nod of greeting as he passed you. Surely they had already spoken.

Bucky didn't stop looking at you until you took the spot where his friend had been.

“Are you okay?” you asked him, bringing your hand up to his right shoulder. He was too tense.

“Ross doesn't understand anything,” was what he replied, his voice laced with a hateful venom that sent a shiver down your spine.

“I know.”

“He's gonna get us killed. Him and that damn panel.”

“Bucky-”

“Nothing's going to make them understand until a massacre happens and that blood is on their hands.”

“Honey,” you stepped closer to your boyfriend, his body tensing even more, but moving closer to yours as if it were his nature. He straightened up and allowed you to fully embrace his right arm. “I think you can rest easy because you're doing your job and you're doing it well. I know you feel the helplessness, we all go through that. And I would love to tell you that we can change it and do something about it, but I can't. I can only remind you that you've been doing it right and you've been doing everything in your power to make it so. Ross and the panel are going to come to their senses at some point. They're going to understand what we're doing at some point and then we won't have to fight anymore.”

“I think you're the only one on the team who believes that,” Bucky tried to sketch a smile turning his face to look at you.

“Someone has to do it or you're always going to be like cats and dogs.”

“Yeah, you're the one who brings balance to this place,” his beady eyes didn't leave yours. “To me, too.”

You felt a sting behind your eyes and your chest compressed.

“Bucky, I'm sorry-”

“No, leave it.”

“No! It was my fault and I spoke to you too ugly-”

“I already forgave you, Y/N. Don't keep talking.”

“Don't do that. Let me tell you-”

Bucky reached up to plant a kiss on your lips. You reached up to move back a little, but his hand went around your waist and he pulled you tighter against him. He moved his lips over yours as if it had been months since the last time he did it, gentle, taking his time, savoring every second he could. Your hands cradled the sides of his face, kissing him back with the same intensity he gave you.

When he pulled away, you were breathing heavily.

“I said leave it.”

“You're mean.”

He moved closer and gave you another quick peck before settling back in. His eyes didn't leave yours even though your body was beginning to lose the warmth he'd given you. At that moment you thought you could spend your whole life like this and you would be entirely happy.

Apparently Bucky thought the same thing.

“Marry me.”

“What?” you exclaimed, an expression of surprise making its way across your features.

Bucky smiled at your half-open mouth.

“Marry me, Y/N.”

“Bucky…”

“I never wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone as much as I do with you. I can't even remember what it was like to live before you anymore. So, yeah, that's it, marry me.”

It had been at least about two hours and you couldn't stop thinking about it. It felt too real to have been just a dream.

You had woken up in a room all alone. There wasn't a single trace that Bucky had been there with you at any time. For a moment you thought maybe you'd dreamed all that day, but you could still feel the strength of Bucky's arms around your figure. You could still feel his breath in your ear every time he mumbled an apology from the bottom of his heart, not really knowing what he was apologizing to you for.

You felt it as real as that kiss. Like that emotion when in your dream he proposed to you. Maybe it wasn't a dream, you'd been married after all. But how could you remember that now? What had changed?

And that conversation with Natasha…

You heard the bedroom door open and a few seconds later Bucky appeared in front of you. You felt your stomach churn.

“You're awake,” he commented as he approached the bed. He set down a mug of hot liquid on the nightstand before sitting down across from you, and you stood a little while longer watching the smoke billow out. “You must have a lot of questions.”

You turned to look at him. He looked better than the last time you had seen him. Calmer and more serene.

“Go ahead. Ask.”

Even though yes, you did indeed have too many questions, at that moment you went blank. You felt like your heart was going to pound out of your chest with how fast it was beating, so hard it was thundering against your bones. With sweaty hands you tried to arrange your hair in a carefree gesture, but you were sure you had a desperate grimace on your face.

So much had happened in the last few days, and there was even something you still hadn't told Bucky…

Sighing, you decided to let out the first thing that came to mind.

“What are the Accords?”

You noticed Bucky's face process your question, his face contorting in confusion. “The Accords?”

For a moment you thought it wasn't true, and you were giving yourself the nod thinking you'd just had a meaningless dream, until Bucky spoke again.

“Where did you hear about that?”

You frowned. “Is it real?”

“Yes,” Bucky nodded quickly. “The Sokovia Accords. It's a document signed by a large number of countries that allows a United Nations panel to monitor the activities of the Avengers.”

That made sense according to what you remembered from that dream. So it could be true…

“How did you propose to me?”

Bucky frowned even more than the previous time, and you knew that maybe those weren't the questions he was expecting, but you needed to know.

“Uhm,” Bucky took a moment before answering. “I had just returned from a mission where we were ambushed. I was nearly killed. Maybe I had a moment of lucidity, I don't know, all I knew was that I'd never felt so scared about not being able to be with you. So I came in, we talked and I just did it.”

“Did anything happen while you were coming in from the mission, before you made the proposal?”

“Mmm, yeah, something did happen,” Bucky looked more than confused somewhat suspicious. “The Secretary of State is like the spokesman for the panel I mentioned to you. That day coming back from the mission he contacted us to tell us that we would have to start getting out less and plan better plans, long story short. I was very angry. Too angry. And you and I… Well, we had argued before I left so we didn't talk as soon as I got there. But yeah, that happened.”

So it was a memory.

“Y/N? Why are you asking me these things?”

“You told me to ask.”

“Yeah, well,” Bucky pursed his lips. “I didn't expect you to ask me those questions.”

“Why is there a dome around the Complex?”

“Well,” Bucky cleared his throat. “Generally speaking, in the beginning it was to keep the military from intervening in the Complex because… let's just say we did something against the rules of the Accords for a while. Then we decided to keep the dome to prevent him from finding us.”

“Him? Who is he?”

“They call him The…”

For a moment you stopped hearing Bucky, though you could see his mouth was still moving. A high-pitched whistling filled your hearing. It was loud and painful. You moved your hands to the sides of your head to try to isolate yourself from the sound, but you felt it coming from inside you.

“… are you okay? Y/N?”

You could hear him again. That was weird.

“What happened?”

“I don't know,” you moved your jaw to uncover your ears, but in a second it seemed like nothing had happened. “I felt a ringing in my ears, but too loud.”

Bucky arched an eyebrow, scanning your face. You could tell the concern on his face and it compressed your chest.

“I'm fine, what were you saying?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, go on.”

Bucky hesitated for a few seconds, his eyes still detailing your features as a precaution. Finally he sighed and shook his head in assent.

“Well, the man you most likely saw on television was…”

You lost your hearing again and a second after you saw Bucky's mouth move without a sound, the high-pitched beeping returned. That time it was so loud that you couldn't help but scream even though you couldn't hear anything. You felt Bucky's hands on your forearms as you covered your ears again, but it seemed to increase the beeping and along with it your vision tried to go white. You thought you saw a hand outstretched in front of you.

You were about to lose your mind until you finally found silence again.

You had leaned forward and Bucky had leaned over you.

“Bucky?”

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

You straightened up and he quickly did the same. His eyes desperately searched your face and body for something.

You felt dizzy all of a sudden, and when you reached up to massage your temples that's when you saw the blood.

So did Bucky.

You brought your hands to the sides of your face and it felt wet. For a moment you felt like you were going to throw up.

Bucky took your face in his hands and turned it sideways, looking at the blood that seemed to have come out of your ears. You couldn't look away from your blood-stained hands. For some reason, you felt a strange familiarity in your chest.

“Bucky…” you mumbled without looking up. “What happened? The day of the accident, what the fuck happened?”

“Y/N, are you-”

“Say it,” you raised your head. His frown made you uncomfortable.

“I don't think-”

“Tell me, Bucky.”

It looked like Bucky thought he knew what was going on and didn't want to subject you to it, but you'd seen something and you felt that's where the answer was.

“Say it and don't stop talking.”

Your features were hard, you didn't give a single space for doubt. And Bucky sighed when he realized he couldn't convince you.

“The accident was because of…”

There it was again. Louder and angrier than the previous two times. It seemed to want to berate you for some reason. So much anger was overwhelming. The sound was deafening. The pain was uncontainable. You couldn't help but shout as you felt like you were being ripped in two.

And then, you saw it. A hand stretched out in front of you.

Writhing in pain, you gripped it tightly.

And you opened your mouth to take a big breath of air.

Everything was white around you. To your left, right, above and below. There wasn't a single shadow or a sign that so much brightness was coming from somewhere. The white seemed to stretch on forever when you started walking, because there was no sign of even corners or stairs. It was a simple white plane.

You walked as if that was the solution. As if at some point you were going to come across something that would give you the answer, but there was simply nothing.

And when you finally stopped, you heard it. You recognized it instantly.

What are you doing?

You moved sideways, looking for the source of that voice, but there was no one even miles away. You couldn't see a single speck.

“Who are you?” you exclaimed angrily to no one in particular.

I'd already told you.

“No! Drop the fucking mystery, who the fuck are you?”

Silence followed your question.

“Didn't you want me to trust you? You told me they were the bad guys.”

They are, the voice replied.

“Then prove it. Tell me who you are. Let me trust you.”

There was silence for several seconds, and in between all the emptiness you swore you could go crazy. Fine, and you were already hallucinating things.

But then… footsteps.

You turned suddenly.

There was a man. Very short hair, with a big beard that hid his whole jaw. Dark clothes, a jacket and a baggy jean. He was leaning against something, with his hands inside his jean pockets, even though no matter how hard you looked you never found an object there. He must have been handling what was going on here. His face was barely minimally familiar to you, but not enough to make you suspect him.

“Who are you?”

“You can call me Nathaniel.”

Nathaniel? He didn't sound remotely familiar.

“You were the one who did that thing?”

“What thing, Y/N?”

“The beeping.”

“Ah. I couldn't risk getting your head filled with lies. I told you I'd take care of it.”

“And you had to hurt me in the process?”

“My apologies. It was the only way.”

“Are you seriou? Bringing me here was the only way too?”

You watched the man, Nathaniel, undo his serene expression for the first time to frown at you. He moved to approach you and you couldn't stop your body from shifting away from him.

“Don't you know you're the one doing this? You called me here. This is your invention.”

“What? No. That's impossible. I didn't… I'm not…”

You looked around. It couldn't be you. You didn't even know where you were while Nathaniel could sit comfortably waiting for you. It couldn't be your doing.

“This is your mind, Y/N. Don't you recognize it?”

Miles of emptiness greeted you as you turned to survey the place. That shit was impossible.

“Well, it's missing some memories, sure.”

You frowned and turned to look at him. He seemed to have his hands folded behind his back and he had that calm, almost expressionless face again. He looked like someone who inspired confidence, you didn't doubt that if people looked at him they would surely believe him because that was the aura he had around him. Still… the tightness in your chest wouldn't go away.

“But it's still yours.”

“You can… bring my memories back?” you weren't entirely sure why you asked, it just popped in your head, out of nowhere. It wasn't as crazy as it sounded taking in consideration that he was the beeping in your ears. He definitely could do something. Maybe it was your subconscious.

You noticed when his eyes twinkled as he shook his head. A small smile crept onto his face, as if he'd been waiting for that question.

“Well, I can definitely try.”

You felt a relief sweep through your entire body.

“You're on my side, right?” your cautious side came to the fore.

“Of course, Y/N. I've been trying to help you all this time. It's a little hard, but I've tried.”

“It's hard?”

“Yes, it's just that…” the man, Nathaniel, averted his gaze from yours as if he was thinking about whether or not to continue. When he looked back at you his expression was much softer, more real, “You're too far away. I can't do much like this.”

“And where are you?”

Nathaniel smiled, “Even if I told you, you couldn't look for me. You can't get through the dome.”

You clicked your tongue. You had the chance to finally remember everything in the palm of your hand and you wanted to take it with all your might. Because you had already realized that this man was very powerful and that, in his delusions of helpfulness, he wouldn't let anyone in the group tell you the truth. If he wouldn't even let Bucky do it, he wouldn't let anyone but him do it. And you had a bad feeling, but what else could you do?

“Then you'd have to come to where I am.”

Nathaniel nodded slightly. “Just tell me where you are and I'll come get you.”

“I'm at the Avengers Complex,” you spoke after a sigh. “In Washington.”

The man in front of you sketched a smile, but rather than reassuring you it was more nerve-wracking.

“Ah, you see. I told you you couldn't trust them.”

“What are you talking about?”

Nathaniel resumed walking, his steps getting closer and closer to you.

“You're not at the Complex or anywhere near Washington.”

“What? But…”

“They've got you trapped. They won't let you out. They won't even tell you where you really are.”

You shook your head in denial. What he was saying made no sense. You could literally see the city from the roof of the building. You had even gone out one of those days and toured the city, how was it possible that you weren't in Washington?

Although… You weren't even sure what Washington was really like. You had no memory of that city in your head. You had never seen the city anywhere else. You were just told you were there and assumed that what you saw was that city. But what if it wasn't?

“Find out where you are, Y/N,” Nathaniel spoke again while you were still lost in your head. Almost at the same time, the ground began to shake. “Figure it out and come back and tell me where I can find you and get you out of there.”

The ground shook vehemently, but the man in front of you didn't look as scared as you did. He still had that calm expression, his hands in his pockets and his head cocked to one side. He was looking at you as if he longed for something from you.

You no longer had the slightest idea what was going on.

And then you heard other footsteps approaching fast.

“Y/N!”

You recognized her instantly, but instead of being reassured, you were frightened.

You turned around to find Wanda Maximoff trying to get closer to where you were, running through the white debris falling from somewhere above.

“They're going to try to get you away from me,” Nathaniel spoke, and you moved to look back at him.

“Get away from him!” Wanda exclaimed.

“They don't want you to know the truth. Even if you think they're going to tell you the truth, they're not. It's a lie. It's always been a lie.”

“Y/N!”

“They didn't even tell you where you really are.”

“Shut the fuck up! Y/N, don't listen to him!”

“They've been keeping things from you for a year. They didn't even want to tell you that you have powers.”

“Don't listen to him!”

“If you hadn't brought it up to Bucky Barnes, he never would have told you.”

The way his name came out of his mouth was disgusting. You never wanted him to mention his name ever again.

“Think about that,” Nathaniel finished and watched beside you as the woman kept running trying to dodge the falling debris for some reason; mind you, it wasn't falling where you were, just where she was stepping. “Goodbye, Wanda, see you soon.”

When you turned around, the man was gone, and when you turned around again, Wanda crashed into you with a thud.

You opened your mouth to take a breath of air. You felt your body heavy. The first thing your eyes registered was color. You were no longer on that white plane, in your mind, you were back in the room.

But you were not alone.

Sound came slowly to your hearing, as you could barely differentiate between the faces that peered out to see you. You stopped when you found Wanda's reddish hair right in front of you. The hands at your temples must have been hers. It must have been the same as last time.

You sat up with a jolt and didn't disown, though you felt a whiplash of pain run from your back to your feet. You looked back at the woman who had gotten into your head sitting across from you. Your head had been in her lap. She looked as tired as you.

“Nothing he said is true,” was the first thing Wanda said, holding up her hands as if her sound of peace meant something to you.

“He?” you heard Bucky's voice, and that was the only thing that made you tear your gaze away from Wanda's clear eyes. “Who are you talking about?”

When you found Bucky, you clutched at his hands.

“Y/N,” Wanda spoke again. “What he said isn't true. He's a manipulator. He'll do anything to get you on his side, but you can't believe him.”

“So I'm supposed to believe you guys?” you almost spat the words out, an overwhelming fury roaring deep in your chest. You squeezed Bucky's hands as you turned to look at him. “Bucky, where are we?”

“Y/N, no,” Wanda interfered, but that only unleashed your fury.

“Shut up!” you raised your hand in her direction and the woman moved back a considerable distance on the ground, as if she had been pulled. You looked back at Bucky. “Tell me, where are we?”

Bucky was looking away, most likely to where Wanda was, but you didn't have time for that. You moved your hands to cradle Bucky's face and bring his eyes back to yours. That position brought back the memories of your dream and you felt a sharp pain in your head when that happened.

The moment Bucky turned to look at you, you felt as if a sword had cut you in two. An electrifying light and a bunch of scenarios where you had taken in Bucky's face in the same way.

“Y/N?”

You blinked rapidly, pushing those memories out of your mind. It seemed that every time an image of those appeared in your mind it was accompanied by excruciating pain.

“Answer me, please.”

“We're at the Complex, Y/N. In Washington,” Bucky replied and you felt his words were dirty.

“No,” you frowned and your hands over his face took on strength. “Where are we really?”

“Y/N,” Bucky looked confused, and for a moment you thought he had been lied too, until he moved his eyes to look behind you and without turning you knew who was there.

“Look at me,” you commanded between your teeth and his clear eyes focused solely on yours. “Tell me where we are.”

Bucky began to shake his head and reluctantly closed his eyes tightly. It seemed that simple question caused him physical pain.

“I-I can't. I can't tell you, Y/N.”

“Bucky, stop it. Don't talk.”

The order came from Carol Danvers, and you hated the way the man's face contracted as he heard it. You didn't want him to listen to her.

You wanted to turn to see her, you wanted to tell her that it wasn't her place to order him such things, that she was no one to talk to him like that. But Bucky's hands cupped your face before you could see her in your peripheral vision. His pleading eyes melted your heart and again you felt the pain shatter your head.

A hundred more scenarios where Bucky had looked at you that way.

“Y/N, relax, okay? We're going to talk, but I want you to calm down first, okay?”

You took a deep breath, trying to push through the pain, and nodded in his direction.

“Okay, all right, breathe with me.”

You noticed his chest inflate as he inhaled and mimicked his action. Also when he exhaled. And then again and again and again. Until you felt a little more serene and Bucky's eyes looked warmer.

Maybe it was what had happened with that man in your head, because of the stress you'd felt and the hopelessness when you woke up and felt for a moment that everyone was against you, but suddenly you felt so tired that you just laid your head on Bucky's shoulder and closed your eyes.

a/n: thank u so much for reading 💜

Taglist: @cjand10 @yallgotkik @ruffdog921 @coracal @its-just-kayy @pono-pura-vida @vampiresarezombies @kaz11283 @vicmc624 @calwitch

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sukunafuka · 2 days

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1: you were my first ever ask so i love you extra extra— still remember how giddy i got when i read it. i’ve had an unfinished draft for puppy!nanami and then one for a pt 2 of puppy!satoru too for a while..but i never felt like it was as good as the first one i wrote so i havent posted it.. still thinking on it but im so glad you liked it bby<3

2: yaaa i will continue writing on wattpad as well, it’s just easier for me to post quick one shots on tumblr rather than taking the time to plan out every chapter and where it’s headed for the ones in the future with watty and ao3. but i promise i’ll get back to it as soon as im able.. i actually worked on part of a new chapter for each of my fics on wattpad recently so maybe soon!! <3

3: pretty sure you submitted this when i first first started posting a few months ago and lemme just say— it made me giggle and kick my feet. how sweet are you<33 im so grateful you enjoy my work and you motivated me to continue writing fr.<3

4: honestly, puppy!satoru will always be my top favs ive ever written. might be tmi but i def wanked it to that more than a few times 💀 so happy you found as much enjoyment in it as i did lmaoo thank you sm<3

5: so i’m pretty sure you’re talking about my part 1 yuji pussy eating fic and by now the part 2 is already up and i’m working on part 3. thank you sm- i really appreciate the praise fr it keeps me writing <33

6: i thinkkkk you’re talking about the first one i posted being puppy!satoru and i’m assuming by post another one like that you mean a part 2? but feel free to lmk if not, i have 2 unfinished drafts for puppy!satoru and puppy!nanami but they haven’t met my expectations since the first one was so delicious. but hopefully i can get out a part 2 soon bc that first one is still one of my favs ive ever written. makes me so happy to know it’s one of ur favs too<33

7: ANNONNNN when i tell you best friends dad toji was one of the reasons i even started writing in the first place…. i wanna make more about him and write him better so thats DEFINITELY gonna be a long fic that’ll come out eventually. i thought no one rly was into that one so it means a lot that you are. i am so hornee for best friends dad toji lol. i have a soft spot for that one so thank you so much for enjoying it<33

8: TEHEH you read all my fics at that point?! *crying shitting throwing up* i’m so happy to know that you love my writing. ur comment made me jump up and down like an idiot when i first read it and again rn lol <33

9: puppy!satoru shall come eventually since i have a few unfinished drafts for him and puppy!nanami but not sure when.. keep an eye out bc the way i write is rly odd and sporadic so who knows when lol. the ‘pleek’ killed me btw lmaoo. so glad you enjoyed it<3

10: more puppy!satoru shall come eventually xx if i can finish the draft i have for it.. and the puppy!nanami one too. you’re so sweet saying i wrote it well im abt to kiss you on your salivating mouth lol. thank you for reaching out to tell me you enjoyed it<3

11: so like what if i told you im about to pounce on you for saying that. i literally squealed like an idiot when i first read that and again rn. when i first started posting i was nervous but ur ask is one reason i felt more comfy. thank you so much for enjoying my work<3

12: lmaoo suka meaning bitch in polish is so fitting. i’m def sukuna’s bitch and his sucker foreva lol. crazy bc i initially was super into gojo when i first read and watched jjk (who isn’t) but my luv for sukuna snuck up on me. anyways ily thank you for telling me that— so cute<33

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yourfavoritewriter69 · 1 year

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Unhealthy Obsession

a/n hiii angels! sorry for the wait im backkk and i will have the next chapter out soon if you want to be apart of the tag list let me know and i will add you:)) Updated: hi pookies I'm in the car rn traveling to Louisiana from cali so i have alot of time on my hands to try and finish some stories that are in my drafts:) btw dont be shy request stuff:))

tag list: @quicksilversg1rl @pearls4valentine @adamsbubblegumbitch @urhotfathdr

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

part one

part two

part three

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tw: 18+ If you don't like smut then please don't read… beyond this there is partying, underage drinking and smoking, adult language, sex, fingering, touching, and kissing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

part four: time of my life

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had just walked out the front door just in time for Charlie to be pulling up. You walked over to his car about to get the door when he gets out and walks over to you.

“you look gorgeous.”

you smile “Why thank you Charlie”

“Here lemme get the car door” he opens the door

“thank you” You aren’t used to anyone guys acting like gentlemen considering your father was a dipshit and every guy you’ve dated has been a complete dumb fuck. You get in the car and asure him your all good and he shuts the door. He gets in and looks over at you.

“you do look beautiful y/n” This makes you smile as you look into his blue eyes. Every time you do you get lost in his eyes you glance over every facial feature he is like art perfect.

“thank you Charlie you don’t look too bad yourself,” you said with a smirk he was wearing dark blue jeans a white button-down, and black Converse. You put on your seatbelt and smiled at him. “thank you haha. Okay, are you ready to go?”

“yeah yeah when we get there ill help you set everything up” You smiled he had already started driving “Really? Thank you thank you I wasn't gonna ask you too I didn't wanna make your work cause I mean I invited you as a guest yk?” you giggled “no yeah its okay char of course ill help do you know when Robbie is gonna get there?”

“yeah he should be there around 7:15 ish so we will have just a little time where it's just us” You were looking down at your thighs playing with your ring. You look up at Charlie's hands on the steering wheel. Holy fucking shit he has nice hands I bet he is good with them. You thought to yourself.

Then charlie said “Are you okay? your staring…”

“wait huh oh sorry,” you say trying not to make it awkward knowing you just got caught staring at his hands. You start to say something when you're cut off by his hand finding its way to your thigh. You look and his hand and then at him your cheeks starting to go pink.

He doesn't look at you. All he says is. “well this is what you wanted right? I mean why else would you be staring at him? I bet you imagining more than just this tho right?” he says in a teasing tone. You froze unable to respond. Dear god, you thought charlie walker was this shy nerdy virgin who had never touched a woman where the fuck did this confidence come from.

“I- uhm yeah” you stammer out. You take a deep breath and find some confidence and put your hand on top of his and move it towards your inner thigh a bit. You see him start to blush knowing his boost of confidence was coming to an end and he was getting nervous. It was honestly cute because you knew you were his weakness. But just as you thought he was too nervous to do anything else. He moves his hand up your dress. His hand is resting just below your panties.

When he does this your breath hitches. At this point, it wasn’t a want it was a need you could feel yourself throbbing you needed him to keep going.

Just as you were gonna say anything you guys pull into this dirt parking lot where there is an old barn which is where the sabbathon is taking place. He removes his hands from your thigh and parks. You grab your bag and decide to fix your lipgloss real quick when you're done you see Charlie getting the car door again. “you are so beautiful” he says while admiring you. You get out of the car. “thank you char” He shuts the car door and you turn to face him. You look up at him. You wanted to kiss him. while using the triangle method he put moves your hair out of your face and behind your ear. “can I kiss you?”

Without responding you kiss him. The kiss slowly turning to a make out he has you pinned against the car his hands exploring your body. In between kisses he murmurs “so perfect”. He starts kissing down your neck leaving a few hickies on your neck and collarbone. He bites you a bit on your neck causing you to whimper. His hands travel down your body and up your dress. “Wait,” you say. “is everything okay” he stops kinda scared he did something wrong. “what time did you say Robbie is gonna be here?”

“around 7:1-” his phone rings. It's Robbie he picks it up

“Hello?”

“I'm sorry Charlie is running a little bit late ill probably be there around 7:30”

“it's okay dont worry me and Y/n can set up I don't think people are gonna start showing up till at least 8:30”

“ok ok see you at 7:30 maybe”

-he hangs up the phone-

Charlie turns back towards you and smiles. “well Robbie is running a lil late but do you wanna go inside n set up so we can chill out till people get here?”

“sure” You guys grab a few things out of the car and the chairs are already inside you just had to set them up. Charlie set up the projector and stuff while you set up chairs. When you guys are done you can't wait any longer and throw yourself onto him kissing him hard. he puts his hands on your waist backing you into the wall. This time he doesn't wait to slide his hands into your panties drawing small circles on your clit causing you to whimper but you are trying to stay quiet

“nono I want to hear your pretty noises angel” he kisses you while pumping and curling two fingers in and out of your aching pussy. You moan into the kiss knowing your gonna cum soon. “Charlie” you whimper out “Yes angel?” he says

“m gonna cum” he continues pumping his finger in and out a little harder and touches your clit. You are a whimpering mess. “Shh shh, I know I know” You feel the pressure in your stomach release as you whimper his name and cum all over his hands. taking a few deep breathes you look up at Charlie. “you did so well for me angel” he says

“Now be good open up” You open your mouth and suck his fingers clean. “good girl,” He says while having a hand on your jaw making you look up at him. He Gives you a quick kiss and pulls you into a hug hands around your waist and slightly rubbing your back. “you did so good are you okay?”

“yes I'm okay thank you Charlie I didn’t know you were so good with your hands” you kinda giggle and pull out from the hug. “well I’ve thought abt this situation a lot and I just wanna make you feel good” What you didn’t know is thinking about this happening isn’t the only thing he has done. But we will get to that another time. He checks his phone its 7:45 and robbie isnt here yet but kirby is parking and walks in to you and charlie standing close together looking at his phone and giggling at something. Kirby is jealous but doesn't say anything abt it.

“hiii” you look up to see kirby

“Helloo Kirby” You hug her and she hugs Charlie but not a friend hug you notice but shove it off. “I have drinks in my car and Jill is on her way. Also I few of the football players are picking up a keg”

“Okay cool,” Charlie says smiling at Kirby. You can see the way he looks at her. You wonder if you're just reading too much into things Or if Kirby had a chance with him. Like I know he was just making out with you and fingering you but you honestly thought he wanted her.

It’s hard because Kirby is your friend and you font wanna let a boy come between you guys but Charlie wasn’t just any boy you were falling for him And you couldn’t risk losing him…

#rory culkin #i need him #charlie walker #rory culkin is so fine #husband #charlie walker fanfic #long hair boys #rory is so fine #charlie walker smut #on my knees rn #unhealthy obession

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crookedkryptonitebeliever · 2 years

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i’ve noticed that you update language barrier pretty much everyday with very little time or days between every update. i was wondering how you update it so fast? do you already have most of the story finished but just adding some last minute touch ups and/or checking for grammar mistakes? or do you just do one chapter a day in a impressively short time? i’m curious since what i noticed writers tend to take some time updating their stories so it was just really new to see someone update theirs so frequently.

I shit u not, at this point im a degenerate neet

I wake up at 1pm, have one meal until 1:30pm abd then sit in front of the computer until 2am in the morning, typing away, each chapter i try to go for 4000 words but never able to reach them most of the time, so usually its around 3500 plus

It all started with me breaking my leg 💔 before that i had a job and shit but now nyeeh i cant really do shit without breaking down crying how painful my leg is, so im doing this to cope and stuff

If u look closer theres a lot of leg and foot injury mentions recently, especially when it comes to Yandere Best Friend

I dont do touchups and grammar check, or even check for plotholes or continuity- i rely on my vague recollection of the previous part , then i publish my chapters hot out of the oven, right after add a bunch of tags, link my masterpost and previous posts , at that point my brain is fried thru n thru and thars why my author's note looks like it was written by someone on fucking molly

How i write is by checkpoints or specific sentences that I want to be added in the story- and in between each checkpoints i pump out filler chapters, these filler chapters can range anywhere from one chapter or 7 fuckin chapters

U kno that wordy translation about "she who is divine" bullcrap? That is A checkpoint, everything else past the Giant vs 2718 fight was just filler lol

Fun fact, part 11 where theres a lot of angst with 2718 is considered a filler chapter 2 me

As soon as i put out a post, i go straight back to my drafts and work on the next part

The reason why thers so many fillers is cause i try not to use timeskips all that much, the pacing between chapters are usually within a 30 hour timeframe (with the exception where reader fell into a comas cause i dont want to write the entire journey back, i thought it would be boring as hell to just describe 2718 put a foot in front of his other foot repeatedly)

The next major checkpoint is probably like lightyears away, i try to churn out as much as i can before the end of this month, where ill restart uni and wont have any time to update AT ALL, lest i fall into dormancy until i break my other leg

Language Barrier is just one long bullshit session lol

#yandere #yandere x reader #tw yandere #yandere concept #yandere male #yandere oc #male yandere

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nogoodanswers · 6 months

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in hindsight, i might have underestimated the whiplash of going from the last sentence of chapter 6 to the start of chapter 7

by which i mean, i literally didn't think about it at all like, i was planning to have chapter 7 be what it was pretty soon after uploading chapter 6, mainly bc i had a rough draft already written (back in... may last year?! wtf so like right after i uploaded chapter 4 basically) and i knew i probably wouldn't have the brain juice to write anything else in time for the 1-year anniversary (and yes i did set a goal for myself to have a chapter out on the anniversary, and yes i did procrastinate until the last moment to get it done lol) but if you didn't look at the chapter notes you wouldn't have any clue that i was going to give myself a lot more leeway in terms of how chronological i'd write from that point on

i mean it's kinda funny to me, i wouldn't change anything but it's also funny bc im pretty sure i was so focused on just writing something fluffy for once that the previous chapters just poofed out of my head

of course, that just means that if i do get another chapter out anytime soon, it'll have to be another drastic tonal shift hey, maybe it'll be set during the end of volume 3 am i going to follow canon or am i going to do my own thing? :) everyone's gonna be able to go home right :) yang's still going to have all her limbs right :) and ruby won't be dead from using her eyes right :)

#nga talk #surely i wouldn't lie right :)#of course no one said anything about wording things such that i'm still technically telling the truth :)#now for me to shut up before i spoil anything or say something i'll end up changing in the future

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yoonia · 9 months

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5, 7, 21 for the fanfic asks 💖

Hello, love! Thank you for sending these in!

5. most popular fic this year

Judging from the response, feedbacks, and comments, I'd say The Bedroom Hymns has been the most popular and is probably what people are expecting a lot this year. It pleases me to see it as the audience is slowly growing for this story. I don't really keep up with the notes that my fics have gotten, but when it comes to the numbers, I think the epilogue for Mirrors have gained quite some notes here. Although I must say that I love the responses I got for that story through AO3 and wattpad more because they're the ones who remembered the original gem (I guess since I've gotten newer audience here in Tumblr who weren't familiar with the story) and the discourse about the story that I got from there are really motivating to see :')

7. longest completed fic you wrote this year

Hmmm, let's see. If we're talking about completed works, then it's between my one-shot fic, The (Im)perfect Ending which had 43k words, and the final chapters that I wrote this years for my finished series, In Motion, had a total of 45k words. The Bedroom Hymns may take the crown this year for the longest fic written so far. Because even if the series is still incomplete and I'm still in the process of posting the chapters out, I've already written somewhere about 112k words this year alone for this one, even if only 80k words of it had been written in final draft and posted publicly haha

21. most memorable comment/review

I think....some of the most memorable ones I got this year came from the readers who came in after reading The (Im)perfect Ending. I never expected that the story would be able to touch people personally, so I was surprised with the readers who came to me sharing their personal experiences because either they (1) had been in the same shoes/position as OC of the story and experienced something similar, (2) had witnessed someone close to them experiencing the same thing, or (3) knew someone who was entangled in a story like this but in a different position (eg. as the child). A commenter even reached out to me (I believe it was through AO3) how it gave them the motivation and reason to move on, because they were stuck in a similar situation and had been questioning about whether or not it was right for them to remain in such relationship. For me personally as a writer who touches on stories about love and life in general through my stories, hearing these stories from real people who felt connected to the story I wrote made me feel like I've accomplished something. It feels motivating to know that I was able to reach others through words which also gives me more reason to continue what I'm doing now.

talk to me: fanfic end of the year asks

#💌 for dia #btsgotjams27 #ask game #writers ask game #misc: fic talk

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scorchedhearth · 1 year

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3, 7, 24, and 43 :] <3 <3

thank <3

3 Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

it always starts with getting an idea that'll motivate the writing, can be the whole concept as in 'i wanna bring up those themes with this specific plot with this ending' or vague ideas like a scene, a gesture or an exchange i wanna write around

then i'll quickly draft a plot/timeline, depending on how long, how much goes on, etc, which is me writing lines and paragraphs describing the whole piece in broad strokes so i know where i'm going. if i know it's gonna be a more complex piece then i'll go into the details, but usually i just make sure to pin down important things for the overall message or feelings i wanna get across, like specific words, gestures, descriptions, etc to make sure i write them in the appropriate places and the right order to get the effect across. for example in the other side of the coin i tracked all the mentions of kyle being tired in one way or another, as well as the repetitions and literary devices i wanted to use

i work in bits and patches, from this point on it's not writing from start to finish, i usually write what i can until it's complete, so often it'll be big scenes, the first idea, what i've got in mind already first and then at the very end finding the small bits to connect the pieces already done (or, as i call it, the fun first and the struggle for the end). for fanfic i usually don't bother doing multiple drafts unless i think the piece is worth it, so then it's editing over a period of days to weeks depending on how long and how much i struggled writing it and then posting

7 How do you choose which POV to write from?

im boring and will stick to the limited third-person pov in my work, i like how it forces u into a character's spot, unless i specifically wanna try something else. i don't usually like alternating pov, so i pick the most interesting one, as in the one i can do the most with. so the pov that'll provide the most interesting insight, or the one that'll be the most fun to play around given the tone and goal of the piece. that's why i usually pick kyle in my jk fic, unless jason's unreliable narrator vibe is what i want. it also often coincides with who the piece is about, i usually give the narration to the character i'm focusing on

24 Worst writing advice anyone ever gave you?

i don't think i was ever given a bad advice. i wasn't given a lot of advice in the first place, most of what i do when writing comes from fucking around and finding out so. that being said i think the idea that u have to know everything about ur character is stupid, u just need to know what u need for ur plot, and sometimes it can basic favorite food but often times it is not and it's not worth pondering over it for hours

43 Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

oh the first one absolutely >:] from the words of the great @captaincrais 'u gotta crack them open to get to the good stuff' and i absolutely stand by that. ur characters will crumble under pressure and that's when u can open them up and dig ur hands in the meaty parts and pull it all apart and study it. if ur character is happy then it's boring to write and boring to read and boring is good in real life not in fiction. also im an enjoyer of gore and violence so there's an extra kick for me in it. that's why unhappy and bittersweet endings do it for me, why doomed relationships and stories are my things, why i like situations with no good solution for anyone involved

fic writer asks

#asks #pendulum-north

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elliesgaymachete · 1 year

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For the fic prompt: 7, 8, 23, 47, 65 🥰🥰 SORRY I KNOW THATS A LOT IM JUST CURIOUS anyway hope you’re having a better day today!! 💛

Thank u wifey ily 💛💛

7. How do you choose which POV to write from? - I think usually when I get an idea I already know what character’s POV it’ll be from naturally. Sometimes i’ll consider different options and sometimes i’ll jump between POV! It just depends on what makes the most sense based on the ideas i already have for the story. Like for imodna FWB au i considered jumping between Laudna and Imogen POV but decided on just Imogen because I thought it would work better only knowing what she’s thinking and only getting glimpses of what’s going on in Laudna’s head.

8. Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story? - oof that’s a toughie. Starting things is hard and ending things is hard so I guess the middle? Middle can be hard too, but it’s everything that pushes the story forward so I think that can be fun to write!

23. Best writing advice for other writers? - shitty first drafts are your best friend!!!! If you’re not feeling super motivated it’s ok to write absolute garbage and fix it later!!!

47. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting? - so many. If i do a shitty first draft i can revise like 5 or 6 times before i’m happy with it. But i always do at least one revision even if i’m happy with it so i can catch any errors or awkward phrases i might have missed the first time.

65. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project - LOL honestly my gf convinced me to write a rwby Cinder/Winter DEBS au and i have it all outlined. it’s so dumb but so fun and i’m really excited about it 😂

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robyn-goodfellowe · 1 year

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I KNEW THAT HAND WAS TOO FUCKING CLOSE IM GOING TO EXPLODE AGAGAGAGAGAG. I'm so excited to see where this goes cause holy shit. Poor Bow is gonna have some serious adjusting to do :( I think out of everyone she's having the worst go at it tbh like ya kid got puppetized and mu is suffering and timmy is fucking gone (L) but like poor Bow has had her entire world turned upside down, facing the end of time itself, both people closest In her life were lying to her about major parts of themselves, has to work with a woman she barely knows outside of books, to go fins her missing friend who just took her sight in an incredibly violent way! (though it was very cool to read eye trauma my beloved) like she needs a vacation. and therapy. lots of therapy. anyways nice to see all the cut the strings bullshit from the puzzle finally get its payoff.

speaking of I hope people are liking the art, I had a great time with it being a little secret :) all for me, little puzzle page gift. but in the end, the real gift for me was the puzzle page itself, like THATS SO COOL. the puzzle solver becomes a part of the puzzle :) her own little spot in the grand scheme of it all :)

anyways thanks for the great chapter I understand why you were losing ur shit over it I would too tbh. 12 15 22 5 25 1 11 9 14 7 <3

EHEHEHE i'm really curious to know what your initial thoughts or expectations were about that piece! it's definitely one that i love really deeply, it's not my first time working with that artists hehe and they always manage to blow everything they create completely out of the water :3c

with that being said AAAAHHH I'M SOSOSO HAPPY YOU LIKED THE CHAPTER HOWDY. i was SO excited for it like honest to god somethig possessed the hell out of me because while it's been sitting on my outline for eons, i shit you not i churned it out in two days. very very rough shitposty draft day one and final draft day two. i don't think i've ever written that fast in my life. i'm not sure i ever will again

bow is definitely going through the worst of it for realsies like out of everyone she is just continuously getting screwed over. no house, no cat, no job, no mental stability, no vision, no emotional support timmy... all she wanted was to be cats with kid and look where that got her 😭 at least she has minuit back tho lol? but i mean with everything else going on that hardly makes up for it. its just sooo easy to kick her when shes down though........ she definitely is gunna need a lot of vacations+therapy after this. but maybe we should focus on her hospital bills first

im so happy you had fun with the puzzle heheeh i already miss it so much!!!!! im glad we got the chance to cement you in there. youve been so dedicated, you deserve it! :3

thank you for the kind words howdy im sorry it took me so long to reply... i always like to let these things sit so i can just look at them and feel all warm and fuzzy. 12 21 22 21 20 15 15 11 9 14 7

#answered #howdy tag #twtt spoilers #acit

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vacantgodling · 1 year

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so it appears if i were to write paramour chapters based off of my interest/excitement to write them, i would be writing in this order:

chapter 20: half truths

chapter 14: threats/hostile

chapter 27: so you traded your wealth…

chapter 9: masquerade (this is already half written)

chapter 26: the final ball (this chapter technically needs to be split in half it’s like way too long)

chapter 16: interlude—divine

chapter 25: puzzle pieces—the blue maiden

chapter 8: banister

chapter 17: ordainment

chapter 18: cinderella / comfort

chapter 6: the tower

chapter 19: confrontation

chapter 23: en garde

chapter 13: unholy

chapter 24: rapunzel / the tower pt. 2

chapter 11: ties that bind

chapter 3: cat and mouse

chapter 1: wedding

chapter 5: trials

chapter 7: night out

chapter 21: tagetes

chapter 2: paramour

chapter 4: town

chapter 15: before party

chapter 12: take me to church

chapter 22: help

chapter 10: aloe

some notes: this doesn’t mean i hate these chapters or i don’t want to write them this is just this is what’s providing happy brain stim and this is what’s gonna take a bit more work to chug through

i was thinking of maybe writing in a back and forth way. i write one chapter im really excited for near the top, then i write one of the sloggier chapters near the bottom. the first draft isn’t going to come out completely coherent bc i’m writing out of order however that’s ok i can just shamble this bitch together

i name the chapters like this to give myself a quick reminder of what’s supposed to happen in the chapter but most of these won’t be named or they’ll have a theme in like actually writing it. this is more for me

#s: paramour #i also wouldn’t mind if y’all asked about specific chapters bc i like spoilers and telling them so #teehee #but this is mostly for my own ref

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a-table-of-fics · 1 month

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Oddworld: Conar’s Ambition, Chapter 14, Draft 1, Part 7

The three ate for a bit before they heard footsteps from up ahead. Someone was grumbling about having to do patrol work, and he whined about missing out on “the game”. Neither Slim nor Conar had ever heard a drawl like that.

They rushed into the bushes, Conar hastily trying to shush Chairman to keep him from growling at the strange smell. It was a scent familiar to any Slig, but wrapped in a veneer too dry for anyone from East Mudos.

“…coulda least let me’ve taken my flask,” the voice said, its owner soon coming into view. With leathery yellow skin, a toothy underbite and strange ears on either side of a green beret, the Wolvark loped forward on the stubbiest legs Conar had ever seen. He had casually slung a weird-looking rifle over his shoulder, one with strangely placed blades on the muzzle. He exhaled a puff of smoke as he continued grumbling, flicking a Lungbuster out of his mouth.

The tantalizing smell reached Conar’s face. He was already in a sourer mood than usual, but someone else getting the relief that he had lost just yesterday?

“Get ‘im!” he shouted, riding Chairman into battle.

“…the hell?” the Wolvark turned, immediately readying his gun. He leapt to the side, deftly dodging the Slog bite and taking aim.

Chairman skidded to a halt and turned to snarl at the Wolvark, Conar swinging around and readjusting his grip.

“Wait’ll I tell the boys about this!” the Wolvark laughed, opening fire.

#oddworld #oddworld fic #oddworld conar's ambition #draft 1 #chapter 14

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ddeongies · 3 months

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U LITERALLY UPDATED WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS but hi im sending it anyway because i do love giving feeback and opinions lol. i was rereading to prep before ryeji day and i have(had?) some thoughts. if anything is incoherent i’m sorryyyy but like we are seeing each other rn like i Understand.

to start off, i think its soooo funny how BOTH of them decided to keep the field of wildflowers secret during their respective grillings. like. lol. ok .

i honestly think...considering what we learn in chapter 7, that whole couch thing really ends up reading to me as ryujin trying to gauge the situation and see if yeji has any interest in her at all. cuddling into her like that I SEE U. I SEE HERRRR. which makes yeji's comment about ryu having "no ulterior motive" 10x funnier to me.

adding on to that, i think the fact that yeji does slip up a bit with how she's managing her feelings towards ryu both a) encourages ryujin to push forward a little more e.g. inviting her to pregame, sitting pressed up against yeji, all of her friends somehow disappearing from the dancefloor. and b) makes me wonder about how any potential "ryujin finds out yeji went off and slept with someone else" scenes will go. (for both of them really, like i do think yeji will definitely be feeling some type of way (bad) afterwards regardless of how soon ryujin may or may not find out).

to that last point, i remember how ryujin reacted when chaer asked her if it was okay that she had hooked up with yeji, before she had actually acknowledged any sort of feelings or desire towards her, compared to now, where she's gotten to the point of realizing her physical attraction but (as far as we know) no real emotional connection beyond being friends (yet). so i'm really curious about how she'll end up coming around to the realization that she's wayyyy more into yeji than she originally thought, and how yeji's actions in chapter 8 will affect her after she does come to that realization. like to me it feels like there's a high possibility of that feeding back into the deryusions and reinforcing ryu's idea that yeji only sees her as a friend. (WELL. THAT FIRST PARAGRAPH OF CHAPTER 9. LOL LMAOOOO. LMAOOOOO. )

it's really so funny to me watching it go back and forth between perspectives and seeing both of them go "there's no WAY she wants me back", like as frustrating as that kind of cycle could be it doesn't read as cliche or frustratingly boring because it's more of just both characters being unsure of what the other wants and acting based on that perception, true or not, and its written in such a way that keeps you engaged with the story and characters.

i honestly could go on and on about yeji's self-image in this fic (i had sent an ask a little over a week ago about it, and i did draft up some of my thoughts about her but it ended up being LONG AF lmao). but she's really so... as much as she is confident, i think it's briefly touched on in the fic itself, having a reputation does go both ways, and i think the way that she sees people treat her and the way she thinks they feel about her really are getting to her head when it comes to actually wanting to date someone. that comment she makes about people not seeing her as "girlfriend material" (the biggest lie ever), and how she's never been "it" for someone... ohhh baby no.... and as much as she is confident she's still almost convinced that ryujin would only ever see her as a friend which leads her to keep treating her as such (because above all else at the moment, they ARE friends, and yeji isn't the type of person who would push more than she thinks ryujin is willing to accept) and also to her misinterpretation of and outright refusal to read into any potential signals that ryujin might actually share her feelings.

i always feel a little bit silly whenever i do this because.w ell obviously YOU know all this already but here i am talking ur ear off about something u literally wrote and thought through urself and this also ended up being way longer than i thought it would even after i rewrote most of it to try and trim it down. idk this fic is making me crazy af omg….its genuinely...so well written. i love slow burn and narratives and character nuance and the ins and outs of relationship development and ur giving all of that and more. 🖤🖤🖤 OFF TO READ THE REST OF CH 9 NOW AAAAA

OMG I LOVE THIS i love comments and asks like this literally pls never stop!!! imma go under a read more so i can respond to each point!

also yesss you manifested the update LOL i hope you enjoy chapter 9!!!! and this is not incoherent at all i love it i live for this like i said like comments like this are the best part of posting fic i'm so serious

keeping the flower field private is so gay..... like ladies......

LOL i'm very glad you picked up on this! and since chapter 9 is out it's been confirmed lol, ryu definitely had an ulterior motive there. yeji was just a bit too much in her own head about everything to realize it

yes for sure! yeji doesn't want to scare ryu off (since she doesn't know how she feels), but she's only human, so like drunkenly telling her she looks hot on instagram is definitely the type of thing that ryu would see and be like "okay there's maybe more here than i originally thought." like i don't think she would've invited yeji over that night at all if that hadn't happened (even if she wanted to see her). also like, yes ryu, yeji is friendly foward and flirty, but she is for sure different with you than she is with her besties lol. and we didn't have yeji pov after that last hookup, but i can guarantee she didn't feel good about it. both because it wasn't ryujin and because she wasn't fully present with the person she was actually with. she's definitely the type of person who would feel really guilty about thinking about someone else during sex even if it's not on purpose

i do think ryu is in an interesting place with her feelings. she realized in chapter 7 that she's attracted to yeji, but then after they spent halloween together that's when she realized she's definitely feeling more than just physical attraction. she's kind of back and forth in this space (at least pre chapter 9) where part of her is like "yeji probably only wants to be my friend" and "yeji doesn't do relationships, but maybe she would want to hook up?" (BUT YES CHAPTER 9 LMAO)

i'm so glad to hear it's not reading in a cliche or frustrating way! like they're kind of dummies, but you can't really blame them. both of them have perceptions of themselves and each other that are getting in the way of jumping into a real romantic relationship, but that's kind of how life works (especially when you're young). i honestly think it would be expecting a lot from a couple of college students to think they would just like sit down and talk about their feelings in that vulnerable and honest kind of way. they are communicating and getting closer, but these things are a bit of a dance. so i guess i'm just trying to capture that real kind of slow burn back and forth. i don't want it to be contrived and slow just for the sake of it i just want them to feel real!

omg yes yes that ask! i loved that and if you ever have more thoughts on nmau yeji please do share i love talking about her and thinking about her and writing her! (the longer the better 😈) she's definitely both self aware and also not at all lol, which, again, is only fair for a college student i think. i think it's probably true that many people (ryujin included) don't assume she's looking for anything serious because she's never really shown the opposite to be true, but it doesn't mean no one views you as girlfriend material baby girl pls! she has high self esteem but it mostly manifests in those fields in which she's confident. hookups, soccer, certain classes. she knows she's hot, knows other people think that, but she has no romantic experience, and she's really feeling that lack of confidence in that area. she likes ryujin to the point where it's definitely getting in her way, but she just really wants to handle it with care it just happens to be a bit clumsy too!

PLEASE don't feel silly omg. i think so deeply about what i'm writing and the fun thing about it is some people will read what i wrote go "cool story!" and go on with their day until the next update. but some people (like you!!) will read my writing much more critically. i love to see what people pick up on deeper levels. the foreshadowing, motifs, nuances of characterization. like yes i know what i'm putting in, but seeing what other people pick up from my writing is genuinely my favorite part of posting! it's touching to me that you like my fic (and my yeji) so much, so thank you for this ask and your last one (and any future ones!!) 🖤🖤🖤

#made my night with this fr!!!#i hope you liked chapter 9 i would love to hear your thoughts :D #asks #🖤 anon #nmau #and imma tag #writing stuff #bc i feel like i got deeper into some of the Writing Stuff in my answer lol idk it's like 1 am and i am very tired #thank u for this beautiful ask fr!!#hopefully i answered coherently lol <3

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