#im at the age where im starting to have generational beef with others

[bee-ina-boat]

hello gay people. i mentioned awhile back about a possible concept for a tma au but its mixed with mythology/religion based stuff. i have since finished this chunk of concept/reference art of the Ceaseless Watcher for this au!!!

im dubbing it: The Magnus Mythos!! please talk to me about it i am insane

putting my rambling au nonsense under the readmore!!!!!

edit!!!: new mythos post just dropped :3

alright- bare with me because my thoughts are everywhere lol

random various au information:

the fear entites are instead more general gods, much like those from various mythologies (greek, norse, egyption, etc.) like the eye, rather than an entity that feeds on the fear of being watched, is rather the god of knowledge and sight!

all of the gods have influence over the world, some mortals will devote themselves to one specific god entirely, others will become devout to multiple, and some will simply be neutral among all 14 and live life out as they please.

avatars are mortals who have been blessed with power by the gods while creatures (like mr spider, the not them, etc) are simply beings who have been born into the world by the gods power seeping into it. artifacts are items that have either been blessed/cursed by the gods or avatars, or have been affected by the gods power seeping into the world also.

theres multiple sects, cults, and churches for each god much like how many real life religions have different sects with their own rules and standards. some have beef, others do not.

the gods themselves are entirely morally neutral, they have their own interconnected relationships with eachother, and kind of view mortals as pets in a way, picking favorites and seeing them as of lesser importance in comparison to themselves.

since the gods here arent necessarily evil and theyre actually sentient beings, their titles are changed to be more fitting (the mother of puppets -> the mother of fate as an example)

the story is set in an era resembling the early 1900s because idk. vibes are neat i guess

thats all the basic world building crumbs for now, ill go deeper into it when i have more art and story stuff ready!

for now- heres some actual lore :3c

Jonah magnus is basically eye jesus. thousands of years prior to the start of the story, the eye favored him and he became a messiah of sorts.

the House of Magnus is a church sect of the eye founded in what is now london. but it doesnt operate JUST as a simple church. many sects of the eye devote themselves to gaining knowledge of the world around them and the House of Magnus is no different there. operating with a library, research centre and all. the research not just on history and knowledge, but also the holy and divine. documenting stories that deal with the divine powers and researching cursed/blessed artifacts aswell.

its a common legend that if one tells their story under the eyes watch (either in a church of the eye or directly to an avatar of the eye) that theyll receive good fortune and foresight, and since the House of Magnus has become a well known sect of the eye, many will come far and wide to detail their accounts under its roof

all of this documentation leads down to the Magnus Mythos, a large archive under the church where the written documents are filed, curated and cared for by the head Archivist. as such, the position of Archivist has become a most sacred role among worshippers of the eye comparable to the head of the church itself.

they arent just revered for their care of the mythos (though the devotees of the eye view the care of documented knowledge to be a sacred and ever important responsibility) Theres a prophecy, hand woven by the Mother of Fate herself, one that states an ordinary archivist will one day be gifted by all 14 of the gods and awaken the great change, bringing about a new and blessed age.

but is this newest archivist even ready for such pressure and commitment? and what if the prophecy is more devious than one might think?

oooOOOOoooOO mysterious lore- i know this is heavily self indulgent but i refuse to apologize for that because im havin FUN. if you read all of that just know i love you so much and i hope you liked it ;w; im very excited and ive been working on archivist +archival assistant lore for the past few days and im excited to do art for them ;_;

[ravenkinnie]

i love love love the way you write jinx and the way you talk about her and her relationships!!! not to be annoying bc a lot of ppl in the fandom are like 16/17 but the general interpretation of jinx as little more than a victim of her circumstances and silco’s manipulation who should make up with her sister, be caitvi’s slightly annoying third wheel and ekko’s (or lux? lmao nothing against either ship but yk) quirked up gf is soooo boring (like god forbid a girl contains multitudes and is both a meow meow and an absolute cunt) and your take on her is such a breath of fresh air! not sure if you talked about this in a post already but what are your hopes in general for the new season and ofc for jinx in particular?

❤️❤️❤️ that's my pookie and even tho I'm hoeing across runeterra she will always be the one

no fr fr and listen I do feel like I'm fighting in a kindergarten when I hate because I realise it's cause everyone I'm beefing with is 18 and just likes the same YA archetypes as everyone else at that age but if 10k bitches can post it on ao3 I can hate on it. especially because it erases a supremely well done character that they made out of a lol champion I wouldn't even think twice about when she first released like that's a talent and that's work

and also if people want to complain about female characters in media it feels disingenuous to then remove agency from complicated female characters we do have to make them one dimensional - like one thing you cannot say about jinx is that she's flat - in personality I mean cause well. she is an active dynamic character with insane narrative potential and a lot of layers and being both a victim and a victimiser is an important part of that

my main hopes for season 2 are honestly

*I hope its consistent internally with its own ideology </3 I think s1 at the end starts unraveling a lil because it seems to despair for this both sides ass take but it just wouldn't make any sense with league lore or the show itself. here I mostly fear for ekko gkbknj

*everybody should become a somewhat worse person, like vi provably will because she will become an enforcer, caitlyn seems to also be heading for some corruption arc, obv viktor is there, so I think this will be fulfilled teehee

*I want jinx to have her own arc and I mean an arc where she develops her own goal and motivations outside other characters too and maybe this goal will be to love evil till the day she dies, ill take it!! I just think seeing jinx grow outside that child/flighty troublemaker into a full on villain/terrorist will be fantastic and will also give her actual league lore another layer that hopefullyyyy they can continue to build on (and they will never stop banking on jinx like that's basically leagues mascot)

*mel survives </3 like it would be way too much of a loss of a great character to give her so little storyline of her own, she needs to be in s2

*overall, sorry to be a freak but I'm a tragedy lover and enjoyer and I know they are tied to champion lore somewhat now but I still hope it ends sad or bittersweet for everyone. and when you say tragedy people often think of character death but that's probably the least tragic ending you can give a bitch, the true hollowness in losing everything you once were and could have been is what im talking about!!

*I did say this before but I hope jinx kills imagine dragons in arcane universe. first of all they are touring in israel so they deserve that but also it would be really funny to see them on her list of victims like just whole ass imagine dragons under silco or sth

[sentientstump]

I know it’s been like, the hottest of minutes, but I’d love to hear more about your TC deity au

...whoa greetings there, you're right its been awhile (im even surprised someone remembers it "xD ) Now lemme think about it for a long time

thinking is still in the process but i think I've got something coherent now:

Whats the setting?

A pretty small patch of land. If you stand in the middle of it you'll be able to see its borders on the horizon. Probably 15 km (or 9.3 miles) in radius. Fields, a river, small clumps of trees, forests, many lakes, river hills all around the perimeter. No powerful human technology, small villages of 25 houses, quiet surroundings (idk the specific age but it can be any tbh, TC have been there for a long time before humans anyways) (also this is heavily inspired by the folklore we have here, the general one that is widely known by the public, and the landscape of my homeland)

What are these strange seasons?

There's only 3 guys in Team Canada so i didn't want to use our 4 seasons that we currently have. One season would have been either blank or had another deity and i was like no

Tranquility season is when nature slows down and humans are sitting in their warm homes perfecting their crafts by the heat providers. The season starts with a layer of snow that did not melt the next day after. •(based on the myth of The Bull of Frost that gradually loses its horns one by one and then the head ->) People have a certain myth where The Snow Fox takes off his winter clothes because its getting too close to a warmer season. The winter coat goes first, then his hat. People also say that he takes off his scarf too, but no one saw him without it•

This season is ~5 months long. Cold weather, sometimes powerful winds, a lot of snow

Restoration season is when nature starts to wake up from its long slumber. Lasts for 4 months, from first revealed patches of old grass to mushrooms in the green forests. Weather gets gradually warmer, thunderstorms and crazy cloud formations are not rare

Harvest season is when nature provides with many gifts. Vast spaces of hay grass, field onions, berries and mushrooms of many kinds, fish and wild meat. Humans grow their own gifts as well but not as much as their southern neighbours. Constantly changing weather, many rains, many clear skies

What is a deity?

It's a being that is not the embodiment of the current season but an extension of it, a helpful spirit that takes care of the yearly balance. Humans here have a lot of respect towards them, so in exchange deities provide with nature gifts, fishing and hunting luck, great health for their livestock, etc etc

How do they interact?

Usually, in-between the seasons two deities exchange their news and stories. The seasons do not overlap in three. But their duties are. Sometimes another deity joins the conversation as well

When Etho and Pause meet they are not in their prime. Etho has to uncover his face due to the warm weather and Pause is still in the process of growing his antlers again. They often talk about Beef's hybernation schedule

When Pause and Beef meet they discuss the status of the living beings. Etho is still lurking in the forests but humans are unable to spot him. He sometimes visits the other two

When Beef and Etho meet they talk about the annual races against time. People need to prepare their foods for the long Tranquility season. Sometimes Pause shares information about forest resources and how humans collected them

so thats the current lore i guess xD too much words but hey, i tried my best to compact ^^"

here's the differently worded but with the same information twitter thread. here's the inspiration for this pauses design :D

and heres some of the development doodles i had:

thank you for reading this far lol, means a lot to me :,D

[bellshazes]

could i ask the reasoning behind your dungeons and dragons dislike? is it with the format of the game, the general playerbase, the material, or something else? i dont play and i always think im missing context when i read your posts, but appreciate them nonetheless

haha so for specific context it's probably important to disclosed my first ever job was teaching board games & i did that for ten summers from age 14-24ish. so i have a particular exposure to/long-running beef with certain parts/aspects of the games industries which are both serious & well informed but also kind of inside jokes to some degree with my fellow GMing friends.

Wizards of the Coast have so many problems i don't know where to start, but the recent licensing changes suck for all the poor folk who have cared enough to try and fix their crappy system, a lot of the lore is racist, and I'm friends with MTG fans but not qualified to start explaining what the fuck is up with all that. but even disergarding that, D&D itself has gone through so many evolutions thru its editions that even hardcore fans will disupte which ones are good and which ones are total shit. (the intersection of "catholic priests who are intense about church canon" and "3.5E diehards" is really funny for instance, in my overly specific experience.)

but honestly my beef is that in the wake of the truly absurd and evil fearmongering of the stanic panic, generations of nerds have clung to D&D as the end all be all of TTRPGs to the point that total newbies are told it's a good entry point for the medium which ???? it's not ????

the only reason D&D is a good "first ttrpg" is because it's the most likely be something people you know already know how to play. it is a self-sustaining monster that gobbles up impressionable people curious about this weird, kind of cool hobby. and watching people homebrew D&D to be the game they wish they were playing in total opposition to the core, fundamental design principles of the system because they have been told it can be anything they imagine.... even when the mechanics hinder that. D&D was a dungeon crawler that took over the world, it's a combat game, it can be PLAYED narratively-focused but if that's what you want, you can do so much better i prommy. i think modding games (video or ttrpg) can be its own joy, but D&D isn't even particularly friendly to it without turning it into a different thing! & at that point, you're better served tweaking something else!

it is no individual person's fault. but please for the love of god play ltierally any other game: you can give your money to a passionate indie creator instead of WOTC, it will cost you less, you can work much less hard to get the gameplay you crave, there's something for everyone, there are less complex-to-start/explain systems, etc. noooooooo don't play d&d your so sexy lol <3 and here's beau @beeelderly's RPG training wheels doc for ideas on where to start!

[lm-tired]

I beg you people to stop fucking having opinions over a generalised group. There are very few occasions in which a generalisation is helpful and is actually true.

We're all humans.

That's one of the very few fucking true generalisation you can make since it's literally what the words means.

If i tried to say all humans have hair it wouldn't be fucking true now would it? While the majority does have them where are those people who don't?

Because guess what?

Not all people with different political ideologies are evil. Not all people who indulge in proships are evil and pedophiles. Not all black people have the same opinions on everything regarding their skin colour. Not all antivaxxers are uninformed fuckers who don't know anything and genuinely think vaccines are worthless. Not all gay people are pedophiles like everyone fucking thought a few decades ago ando now not everyone who's gay is a good person.

Im not going into specifics for every scenario listed here.

And do not fucking try to group me in any of those because you don't know me and it doesn't fucking matter. There are multiple people with multiple of these thoughts in every culture and group.

And quite honestly is scary how dismissive of others points of views people are trying to be.

The point is you can never give a group of people an ideology because everyone has opinions regardless of their group, age, gender and work. And even words that are used to describe these generations in groups have usually a very wide definition, like as an example political terms they are too fucking wide for you to pick out something specific.

See what i did there? Saw that usually? Because not all words work the same! All words are unique and work differently from each other. Guess what or who also does the same thing? Humans! We're all different! And you should try and at least listen to different people before saying "fuck you i hate you"!

Because everyone and i mean every single individual person has different stories and reasons. And if you don't wanna do that before insulting? Just block and go on. Don't start a worthless and inaccurate beef when you don't even wanna have a conversation about it.

[reki-of-the-valley]

Have you ever had an older millennial try to explain what a ""true"" meme is? Because I was just psychic damaged by the memory of going through that a month ago

[eldesperadont]

CRIMSON CRESCENT

more wrestling ocs!! a found family heel/tweener faction thats led by a joshi vet whos feared and respected in a Minoru Suzuki kinda way, more info under the cut!

Origin: Crimson Crescent was formed out of a feud between Yukiko and a faction she had beef with. FUMI-HIRO was part of the group but betrayed them for her (Yuki being an old friend and rival) and in the same night Egusa Toshiaki would make his return to the ring (which was a pretty big deal at the time) to aid them, making the three the core and founding members of CC. In the following years they‘d recruit younger talent, i hopes of aiding their quest of uplifting the wrestling business outside the rules.

the members:

Yukiko Fanucci (fka YUKIKOH) a fierce and intimidating woman ever since she stepped a foot into the business. Starting as a frustrated angry brat, picking fights with anyone and everyone, always having a point to proof. Over the years the respect she earned gave her some room to breathe and mature. One source of stability came in the form of a rival, who down the line becomes her husband - despite being married they stay in opposite corners most of the time, both leading their own factions. Nowadays Yukiko is a cheerful sadistic lass that simply enjoys the beautiful violence of wrestling, egging on the younger generation to become even better than her.

Egusa Toshiaki, a friend of Yukiko since ages now, they debuted around the same time, started off as overly competitive brats that earned each others respect through several clashes, they held tag titles together in the earlier part of their career. They consider each other as family, Egusa and his partner being uncles for Yukikos child.

Fumi-Hiro, an old angry manlet, he’s loud and proud in everything he does and absolutely not compensating for his height. Fumi’s an established jr heavyweight wrestler who’s very prevalent in the deathmatch scene. - Him and Yukiko had a heated rivalry in the past which boiled down to who has the bigger ego, nowadays they laugh about it and are a splendid duo, both have overly vicious styles, them tagging against you is the last thing you want if you value your life. - Outside of wrestling he works in his daughters restaurant, his actual pride and joy (Yuki and Fumi probably bond the most over how much they love their kids, their kids bond over having heel wrestlers as parents which are feared in the whole business but actually are big dorks)

Aatami is a tall finnish lad in his 30s, rather quiet but nevertheless threatening. They are a heavyweight wrestler and tag with Egusa a lot. His career started in the european and uk indies, and an opportunity got them to wrestle in Japan, where they are based now. — Being in the same ring as Aatami is enough to give people chills, he has an off putting cold demeanour that barely ever cracks. Don’t mistake their attitude for indifference tho, his work in the ring is his biggest passion, nothing makes them happier than freaking out their opponents and making them submit to his impressive catalogue of technical wrestling.

KOZUE, a rising joshi star from Okinawa who has a background in karate. Her interest in wrestling made her move to mainland Japan, where she ended up getting mentored by Yukiko. After her debut went on her own, wanting to make a name for herself in the scene, hoping to get her teachers attention again like that - and she didnt stay unacknowledged for long. Yukiko challenged her protege and won their violent bought, but invited Kozue to continue learning while fighting on the same side, making her the 5th CC member. — Some would describe Kozue as entitled, she calls it “knowing what im worth.” People associate her with a petty princess who looks down on others, and yeah she tends to not think highly of most lol - in matches Kozue is the personification of “fighting spirit”, she would rather pass out than give up, more often than not crosses her own limits. She avoids relying on cheating but isn’t afraid of using dirty tricks - she excuses it with simply being smart. — The guys in the group didnt give her an easy time at first, they werent convinced that she isnt just an entitled brat that’s taking advantage of Yukikos hospitality, but Kozue pretty quickly proved that she isnt taking anything for granted. They get along splendidly now - Kozue can very much hold her ground but that doesnt stop especially Toshi and Fumi from acting like defensive dads sometimes.

Nikolai. 26, swedish, bastard, queer. A loud juniorweight wrestler with mean kicks and an even meaner attitude. After establishing himself in mainland Europes wrestling scene came to Japan, working all over the place and causing chaos. Just like Kozue he got challenged by Yukiko, and also just like Kozue he couldn’t quite defeat her, but found a place in this odd lil family. It didn’t take long for him to get along with everyone, he already knew Aatami, formed a tag team with KOZUE and reminds the seniors of the group of their own eager attitude back in the day. — Nikolai’s the current jr champ of CCs home promotion, defending the title with whatever’s necessary. Nik’s a cheerful but cocky lad, with some unresolved business back at home,,, a certain former tag partner, which he’s trying to ignore, will catch up with him sooner than later 👀

special mention: Yukikos son Akio Fanucci, better known under his pseudonym AIKO, a young illustrator, not a wrestler! he's part of CC by the virtue of his mother being the leader lol - Aiko creates a lot of promotional material and merch for the wrestling company CCs based at. - He's been surrounded by wrestling since he was born, isnt unathletic, but competitive combat was never sth he wanted to get into. On first glance he seems like a quiet person, despite his alternative appearance, but when you get to know him its clear that he's the kid of two no bs taking hardasses.

So the faction basically is a mom, two dads, the queer uncle and two brats — they do whatever they want and their allegiance is only to each other :]

[cryptocism]

i really like the idea of a thad au. do you think some differences would have been caused by like, being raised by a different ai or did they all have versions of the same one? i can imagine president thawne maybe focusing on like, an emphasis on different battle strategies w each of them. like, obvi they all know what the others do but it doesn't hurt to have a little variety in battle tactics. also i think 1 should wear a suit everywhere. jr president thawne

YES yes yes ok. Definitely I imagine they've all got slightly different specializations and different circumstances for their upbringing, especially when the clones (minus thad ii/inertia) actually know about each other and begin comparing themselves/trying to set themselves apart.

And I did actually have an idea about the aging thing and how they really all could be varying wildly in physical age.... Hold on I'm gonna do a flowchart.

OKAY SO heres a jumble of my very rough ideas, they are very prone to change but I've got some thoughts.

Basically: President Thawne originally made 3 clones, Thad II as the key part of his whole "destroy the Allens" plan and Thad's III and IV as backups/failsafes. (im realizing now I screwed up IV/4's roman numeral on the flow chart ignore that). Thad II went ahead and beefed it, running off into the speedforce, so Thad Four took his place as according to plan.

(I'm imagining the idea would've been for the three clones to basically continue cloning each other/themselves, but maintain that they were all the same Thaddeus. So if one of them went rogue/died it would appear like Thad was just this unkillable terminator type figure. Thad II wouldn't have needed to know any of this because he'd necessarily have to be the first to die)

Thad Four though is still slightly different than Thad II, much more focused on Bart specifically rather than the whole of the Allen family, and MUCH more violent in his methods. And then he Super Fucking Dies after exploding a baby.

Thad III is the last of the original clones and so tries to continue with the plan by making more Thads, but he makes some mistakes (whatever they used to stabilize the first three is like hundreds of years old by now), and Thad's V and VI (five and six) end up with their ages all fucked

Thad VII (seven) is a weird case that I'll get to in a sec, and Thad's VIII and IX (eight and nine) are unauthorized creations of CRAYDL.

Thad III I imagine is the de-facto leader due to being 1st generation, and he really doesn't like to talk about Four. He's also got the widest power set, skewing more towards the speed side of things rather than the time side. Unlike Thad II, he can phase through objects.

Ok so here's my rough ideas for these 2nd and 3rd generation clones:

THAD V: Five's abilities mirror Bart's more than Thad's, and so he was also afflicted with Bart's rapid aging problem. By the time Three managed to get it under control, Five was physically much older than any of them, but didn't have the same VR experience as Bart did, so is still pretty behind in terms of development. Its definitely not like "he has the brain of a child" or anything, he learns wicked fast and is still able to strategize and have complex thoughts and feelings, but he does defer to Three much more than any of the others and is less confident in his own abilities.

THAD VI: Six's powers lean hard on the chronokinesis side of things, and a very VERY localized version of them. He doesn't use them as a substitute for speed like Thad II and IV did, instead manipulating and traveling along his own timeline to his hearts content. He can manipulate his own physical age and appear younger or older depending on what he wants, and has travelled back and forth and over again so much that he's actually Lived far longer than he's Existed. Might be up there with the first generation age-wise.

THAD VII: Seven is where we start to get weird with it lol. I don't have as solid a grasp on his whole deal but the basic idea is that Six, in his time travel fuckery, at some point finds a... piece of the speed force, kind of. Think the speed force manifestation in Young Justice One Million. Six wrangles the speed force ghost into a physical form, possibly mechanical, and just uhhh. Keeps him. Seven tends to do what Six tells him, but not always, and as a manifestation of the speed force he's by far the fastest Thad there is. He doesn't talk much though.

THAD VIII/THAD IX: Thad's Eight and Nine I have a much looser idea for in that I wondered what it'd be like if CRAYDL decided to do some cloning of their own. Maybe they wanted to fulfill a paternal role, maybe they wanted to raise these ones outside the bounds of president Thawne's mission/mandate. Maybe they were just bored, not quite sure!! Either way, Eight and Nine are now part of the Thad team (whether by force or by choice) and are also the only two who age normally and had the closest thing to a childhood. Eight's abilities are more on the chronokinetic side, although more external than internal. He doesn't speed himself up or slow himself down, instead he controls the speeds of other people. Nine has never used any powers, it's unclear if he even has them.

Some are closer than others. Eight and Nine were raised together, Three kind of raised Five, Six and Seven have whatever the hell they've got going on. But crucially, they can all barely stand each other. Three's leadership is tenuous At Best, and they've all got different motivations that have at this point gone SO far beyond whatever president Thawne originally wanted from this particular project.

[botanyshitposts]

whats the deal with proven winners?

okay. so. this is actually how i got into botany in the first place; i got an unpaid internship at a greenhouse in high school and realized, very quickly, that we live in a jurassic park hellscape where big companies breed plants solely for their looks and performance, and i found that so fucking weird that i couldnt get enough of it and fell down the rabbit hole. i don’t find them bad per say; i find them weird and how they manage their product in terms of policing their retailers is very sketchy to me, but they’re not like, monstanto-level off the shits (yet). with mother’s day next weekend we’re coming up on one of the biggest greenhouse/ornamental plant industry sales days of the year, next to valentines’ day (which favors the rose industry especially), so this is an exceptionally convenient time to talk about this. 

proven winners is one of the biggest ornamental plant companies in the united states, possibly the world. you might know them from their patented white flower pots. they’re centered in california (as, actually, a lot of these large flower producers are) and they manage a HUUUUUUGEEE network of giant industrial flower greenhouses. 

like, you have to understand, all garden retailers have to buy their shit from somewhere, and although the centers and local greenhouses selling proven winners stuff are often small and independent (unless ur talking like...flowerama or something), a large portion of the plants themselves, like many things in capitalism, form an industry of their own dominated by a handful of oligarch corporations, of which proven winners is one. small retailers order bulk products from these companies, should it be through full-color paper catalogs (which exist, btw, and are wild in and of themselves to look at; i actually have a few back home that i keep around solely bc they’re incredibly fascinating in a slightly offputting jurassic park kind of way), online, or through a sales representative for their region. 

it depends on what they’re ordering, but they can buy seeds, plugs (the black trays of like....tiny plants you buy at garden centers to put in planters? the ones that come in, like, six packs? those are called ‘plugs’), and in the case of perennials, woody plants of various ages, among other things. these plants are bred, marketed, and sold on a goddamn industrial scale. it’s wild. 

now....this is where it gets absolutely fascinating to me. this isn’t just proven winners, but proven winners is one of the top contenders of this. some highlights of how plants are actually marketed on an industrial scale: 

-plants come out in collections. like, you have horticulturalist designer people who put their names on some stuff and they all go out as like, The New Hot Thing(tm). 

-they always promote their top selling stuff, and the plants that won awards, and like, the most popular flower arrangements and stuff. this in and of itself, again, isn’t like.....bad, it just feels weird how plants are marketed as objects rather than living things, you know?

-these plants are 100% bred and optimized for their commercial value and how they look. see the above point about how it feels like they’re treating them as objects. 

-every year, there are new plants, which are put at the front of the catalogue and like, show them off as the Hit New Products. these are all part of the year’s collective collection, so like, proven winners has their 2019 collection all ready on their site in a special little tab: 

FUN INDUSTRY SIDE STORY: looks like they have some new orange petunias this year, which reminds me fondly of the 2017 purge ordered by the USDA of a ton of illegally GMO orange petunias....

you see, orange petunias don’t exist naturally, so what companies do is either 1. systematically breed orange into them, which can take years, or 2. take red petunias and just put in some coding for yellow from the maize genome, which makes them orange. usually, you have to submit all this paperwork and go through a ton of government red tape to sell GMOs, including required trials conducted by the federal government, but what some of these large ornamental seed companies were doing was just....not telling the government and just kind of...pretending that they bred them. so in 2017, a netherlands team noticed that these were like....kind of Suspicious(tm), and started doing some tests....and accidentally uncovered like, this huge international orange petunia scandal across all these companies, over 30 varieties of illegal petunia being sold internationally. they had to alert the actual EU, which then alerted the USDA, who then gave an actual government order for these large companies to literally burn, bury, or otherwise destroy all their industrial stock of the proven illegal GMO orange petunias. 

small retailers who had bought them assuming that they were legal were allowed to keep and continue selling what they bought, but the actual producers were ordered to just fucking. violently destroy everything. the USDA informed these companies that they could sell them again, but only if they were put through the proper government channels and received proper certification. i checked the old recall list and didn’t see these, so i’m assuming they’re like...Legit, but. im 👀 somebody test these lol

AAANNNNYYway that aside, if you would like to see the Proven Winners 2019 Flower Collection Showcase(tm), they have a bunch of......weird kind of ads on their youtube channel showing artsy pics of their new shit. to this day i can’t pin down exactly what about them makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, but you really do get a sense that they’re selling an object to preform, which i guess is the point, but...idk, it’s just a very different view of plants, i think, then i personally have. very sci-fi-y, if you will. all their ads are like this; these video are essentially very similar to what you get from their print sales booklets, but in video form.

see, last but not least, my biggest beef with proven winners is the weird way they handle their company. 

you get inspected by the plant police.

im not kidding. for those not very familiar with plant reproduction, you can grow vegetative clones of plants through a process called taking cuttings, where you cut off a part of the plant and put it in a new pot under the right conditions, and it develops a root system and becomes a genetic clone to the parent. obviously, anyone can do this with a lot of the proven winners plants, especially because PW plants, as i’ve noticed, tend to be bred to be more vigorous. 

proven winners wants to ensure that there’s no Illegal Plant Downloads taking place, so they literally like....send people out to these small retailers and ask to see their stock to make sure that all the plants are going in the Patented Proven Winners White Pots(tm) with the Patented Proven Winners Information Tags(tm). you MUST plant proven winners stuff in the pots they send you, with the instructions they send you, and they will check you for this. the first time my internship mentor ordered from them, they accidentally planted the plugs in generic brown pots instead of the white ones, and the weird proven winners police rolled in unannounced for an inspection and told them that the next time it happened they wouldn’t sell to them anymore. what they’re worried about happening is that the growers will order a small amount and then just make a bunch of cuttings without paying them, and it’s just......weird. like i get why they do it but that’s always struck me as really, really shady lmao

[gayregis]

Do you like Regis' design in tw3 ? Have any actor headcanons who could play him in twn ?

omg no i hate him 😭😭 im so glad you asked though

here’s a quick rundown of the specific things i hate about regis’s design by cdpr:

the biggest issues to me are the following: ( and @ everyone reading... don’t try and excuse any of these with “but he was recovering from regeneration / healing / he was tired / stressed / upset” because cdpr could have just written a better plotline then):

he doesn’t smile very much in b&w. like... very much at all. and in the books, every time he is mentioned, he smiles with pursed lips, as is his custom. he kind of has this air of being amused by geralt in bof, smiling with pursed lips and then proceeds to be a true friend to him in tos and lotl, smiling with teeth on occassion. i consider this to be part of his character design because for characters like dandelion and regis, their smile is just an essential part of their visual description as a character.

the hairline..... i hate this count olaf pennywise motherfucker. cdpr tries to make their main characters look insanely different from every npc and that, to me, is not good character design. they should design for how the character is described and how the character feels, what visual elements do they think embodies the character. 

regis should not stand out. the entire point of him is that he looks just like a regular normal human guy. for this reason, the claws and teeth annoy me (not to mention regis is described as having just regular fangs and not all pointed teeth, not to even breach the topic of his having all pointed teeth the same shape/length would be difficult for animals to live with, look at the skulls of mammalian apex predators and you will find variation in their teeth).

where is his apron. it’s almost akin to twn removing jaskier’s plum bonnet with an egret/heron feather. it not only symbolizes his profession as a surgeon, but also his domestic qualities and general approachableness. it makes him look kinder, imo. he may heal you or he may bake you bread... either works

where is his cloak. a nice black cape i think is ESSENTIAL for a powerful vampire to have.

he wears some fancy and expensive-looking items. doctors in medieval times were not treated like they are today, regis is not living on a $150,000K+ annual salary, and nor do i think he wants to... he is a humble and sincere man, he spends 1/3 of his year living in the wildnerness. he wouldn’t care so much about fancy clothes unless the occassion called for it, like in beauclair, and then he would wear a nice fancy black velvet jacket that makes him look like a vampire. i think just giving him a simple black coat would suffice, maybe a linen shirt instead of a highly embroidered and decorated one. one key element about regis is that even though he tends to lecture, he never intends to make others feel inferior to him, i feel his outfit in b&w represents someone who is formal and would use their status to demean others... 

fingerless gloves. i like the fingerless gloves but they are incredibly impractical for a medic to wear... i think just no gloves would suffice (in bof, regis asks geralt to hurriedly pour a solution over his hands so he can perform surgery immediately, i feel that having to take off your gloves would waste valuable time.

regis should look kind, humble, run-of-the-mill skinny guy chilling in a cemetery at midnight, approachable, yet also a little ... off? it’s in the way he smiles maybe, hiding something... 

also (god im so negative, anon i sincerely apologize because you came here just asking questions and im like NO >:( I HAVE HATE IN MY HEART, i want to reiterate that i really appreciate this question because i love talking about the subject of character designs, the books vs the games, and regis as well) but also, i do hate twn, and i hope they skip him entirely or bastardize him so hard that there will be no resemblance and that no one in the fandom will ever care about him, because his character in the books has so much nuance and twn could never. 

i don’t really... have fancasts... because i don’t watch very many movies or tv shows... (also because i don’t think live action is the way to adapt the witcher!! we need a 2D animated series in a very beautiful unique style that becomes a cult classic!!!!) but as a joke one time i proposed jeff goldblum bc of the way he speaks and acts and also since he’s tall, skinny, and salt-n-pepper-y, and i had a good laugh, and then i started to consider and was like hm ok actually yeah sure why not. but i don’t really know him as an individual, and i think he did some shit, or was involved in a scandal, as all actors in hollywood do... 

tbh im not horribly picky when it comes to casting because i feel like acting and writing is more important than casting. but they should you know also fit the description of the character. im still kinda bitter about jaskier and yennefer’s hair in twn, and twn also requiring cavill to beef up for the role of geralt even though geralt in the books literally starves nightly... ok lol... but yeah as long as the actor is some middle aged skinny (tall, thats my headcanon) guy with salt and pepper/greying hair, preferably a long haircut, no beard but maybe stubbly, and has dark eyes and kind of a pretty face, a little bit angular but not sharp features, and sincere kindness in the eyes, then i’m good i don’t really care much about casts... just act good please....

[jimmyseos]

hello ! it’s ya boi angela back at it with a third muse (lol) so here’s my wonderful little sweetheart chef JIMMY ! ( @mapleviewstarters​ )

『 justin h. min. twenty eight. cis man. he / him. 』 oh heavens, is that JI-HOON ‘JIMMY’ SEO from MAIN STREET i see roaming around mapleview? minnie may’s always calling them -DISTRACTED & -OBSTINATE. i happen to think they’re not that bad! they’re a pretty cool SOUS CHEF AT LA BELLE VIE and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been +GRACIOUS & +INVENTIVE. i hope i see them around again!

QUICK LIL BIO !

has gone by jimmy since he can remember, only his family call him by his birth name

grew up the younger of two; his older sister (4 years older) is a married doctor with two kids ( so you can imagine he has a little bit of a complex )

grew up in the city ( nyc babee ), learned how to cook from his dad ( mostly comfort food stuff )

pretty popular in high school - tennis captain, honor roll, a super nice guy

in college, he was a biology and kinesiology major; he got amazing grades and graduated a year early

decided to fulfill his parents’ dreams by going to medical school

BUT he dropped out of med school after a semester and he decided to go to culinary school instead

graduated culinary school in 3 years, started working at a local restaurant

met eden soon after he got a job as a junior chef

moved to mapleview with eden because they wanted a fresh start ( jimmy got a job as a station chef at la belle vie )

he has since worked his way up to sous chef

he is always ALWAYS trying to create new dishes but he’s still very much a comfort food kind of guy

his parents never really understood the “chef” thing, and it took them quite a while to really get over it -- “cooking is a hobby, not a job ”

but they’ve come around in the past couple years ( tbh when he moved is when his parents got over it because they missed him )

when him and eden broke up, he moved to main street and they’re still friends, it’s just a little awkward sometimes

he’s been saving up money since he started working so that hopefully one day he can open up his own restaurant

he wants to open up a korean-american restaurant with all of the dishes he’s cooked growing up because we love ~comfort food~

PERSONALITY !

ji-hoon ( means ‘wisdom/purpose’ and ‘rank’) seo (means ‘calm’ or ‘poised’.)

he’s just generally a calm, easygoing guy UNTIL he comes up with a new dish or just a new food idea, in general

then he gets a little wild and just super excited about his ideas because he absolutely LOVES creating

this means he can also get a little hyper-focused on his ideas and gets a little frustrated when they don’t pan out like he thought they would

he’s super super friendly and loves cooking for people, so don’t be surprised if he’s always having dinner parties on his nights off from work

he’s lowkey wicked smart but he doesn’t really care about all that because being a chef is his dream and he’s moved on past all the med school and academics stuff

Taurus Sun ! Libra Moon ! == “a flexible personality”, mans can Adapt

he’s charismatic and sensitive, respects everyone, values fairness and he gives a lot of importance to socializing ( and how others see him )

CONNECTION IDEAS !

serious ex-girlfriend : eden yang - they moved to mapleview together then broke up a bit after, but they’re still friends !

best friends [ 0 / ? ] : may or may not have met them while with eden, idk tbh but anyone around his age and just ~good vibes~

college friend(s) [ 0 / ? ] : went to college together ! i havent decided yet where he went BUT we can talk that out -- definitely somewhere on the east coast tho

post-eden fling ? [ 0 / 1 ] : maybe they went on a couple of dates, but jimmy kind of threw himself into his work and it just didn’t really work out ( maybe they’re friends, maybe not, up to you )

rival [ 0 / 1 ] : any other chefs who wants a rival ??? or idk maybe they have other beef with each other lol ( but lowkey jimmy’s not great with conflict oop )

frenemy [ 0 / 1 ] : sometimes they’re chill, sometimes nah

neighbor(s) [ 0 / ? ] : main street residents ! they’re probably friends because jimmy has a lot of leftovers and he very much gives it out a lot

im in ‘head empty, no thoughts’ time so that’s all i could come up with but im really down for anything !!

like this or message me if you wanna plot pls !

[awenvs3000w21]

We Humans our own worst Enemy

Nature underpins our economy, society and our very existence. Our forests, rivers oceans and soils provide us with the food we eat, the air we breathe and the water we drink and irrigate our crops with. Nature is free and for that reason, we often undervalue the impact it has on our very lives. Without nature and life around us, we would cease to exist.

I want you to think back to a time you can remember that made you feel happy. Most likely you will think of something where you were outdoors enjoying nature. For me, it would be on a family vacation to Mexico where my brothers and I were riding the waves into shore while sand coats our light blonde hair. We giggled and looked at one another as the waves scooped us up and crashed us back to shore. I always have been amazed at nature and especially bodies of water. Even now I love to ride the waves while surfing and always have to stick my hand in the water when I see it to feel its cool embrace. Even when I was a baby I was nicknamed “fish” because I never wanted to get out of the water once I got in. Doesn’t help that I am a Pisces!

Retrieved from: https://www.nps.gov/im/medn/sandy-beaches-lagoons.htm

As research has proven time and time again nature makes humans happy, less irritable and more creative (Mayer et al, 2009). I think my love for nature started when I was a child. I loved discovering the world in my very own backyard and am very grateful that my parents gave me the freedom to do so. I grew tadpoles, identified trees and played in the river and there was never a time where I was happier. Even now I love to go for nature walks, am an avid gardener who took on growing cannabis plants this summer and plan on doing it again this year. I also grow vegetables and have developed an obsession with houseplants. I think quarantine has given me more time to develop hobbies, I want to know if you have found any pastimes to do over the lockdown?

Photo from: my indica GDP plant I grew this summer. Photo taken 10/10/20 right before harvest.

As a future early childhood educator, I believe I have a personal ethical duty to provide my students with a rich understanding of our world. Children love to explore the outside world and offering them time and resources to expand their knowledge about the ecosphere is one of the most beneficial things we can do for their development (Kruger et al, 2010). Nature can provide countless opportunities for discovery, creativity and problem-solving. Exploring the natural world allows children to learn through play and experimentation because it allows children to think the question and make hypotheses developing inquisitive minds. Spending time in nature is also essential for cognitive development and executive function (Kruger et al, 2010). Children will also develop a sense of love for their world and want to continue to be stewards of the earth by protecting it when they grow up. We know climate change is the biggest issue humanity currently faces and we need to make a change NOW to avoid irreversible damage for not only the future inhabitants but are. It is probable that in our lifetimes we will see even more devastating effects of climate change so it is up to us and future generations to make a change right now.

Teaching future leaders and citizens about the planet I have a responsibility to allow scholars to explore nature in their own way to build their sense of place. By exposing children to nature early it will help imprint a love for the natural world, which is increasingly more important as the earth is dying. Humanity is barrelling towards a ghastly future of mass extinctions, climate crisis, health issues and more. Events that can only be prevented if world leaders take environmental threats more seriously. From forest fires, oil spills, overfishing, deforestation, overhunting, gas emissions to massive garbage piles, increased use of fossil fuels etc. these are all human-made creations that are killing a planet that has thrived for over 4 billion years. It is only in the past century that we have begun experiencing this crisis fuelled by the industrial revolution breeding greedy capitalistic ideologies.

Amazing video by 16yo Greta Thunberg that explains the importance of acting NOW for climate change.

Retrieved from: https://www.ted.com/talks/greta_thunberg_the_disarming_case_to_act_right_now_on_climate_change/up-next?language=en

Although it may not be appropriate to talk to children about how humanity is going towards the path of extinction it is important to teach them about climate change and what we can do to help. If we want to make a change it has to start now, scientists predict that by the year 2050 the global population will reach 9.7 billion, which is 2 billion more than today (Kossin et al, 2020). New historical climate data project the earth's temperature will cross a threshold for dangerous warming (+1.5C) between 2027 and 2042 if climate change efforts are not in place to reverse the damage humans have caused (Kossin et al, 2020).

Retrieved from: https://www.nrdc.org/stories/your-guide-talking-kids-all-ages-about-climate-change

Researchers predict the best path to limiting warming involved cutting net human carbon dioxide emissions to net zero by 2050 if we want to stop the damage we have caused. In order to do this, we all need to work together, when possible walk or ride your bike to avoid carbon emissions, carpool and use public transit, drive low carbon vehicles if possible. Other ways to reduce CO2 emissions include taking fewer and longer aviation vacations, fly economy, don’t fly on private jets, insulate and seal your home, make energy-efficient a primary consideration when choosing a new furnace, AC unit, dishwasher, or fridge (ensure an energy star label), turn off lights when not using, add solar panels to the roof of your home, don’t set the thermostat too high or low, eat local food decrease beef and dairy consumption, be conservative of water usage and reduce reuse and recycle. High-temperature extremeness, heavy precipitation, glacier and snow and shrinking and sea ice are retreating. Seas are warming, rising and becoming more acidic. All this leads to an imbalance between earth and the live that inhabitants it

Overall, the world is an amazing place full of wonder but in recent years we have let the planet down. A once thriving full of live biospehere is now dying because of habitat destruction, distribution of invasive species, hunting climate change and overall humans. I want to educate the future by instilling a sense of wonder and lust for nature and a need to protect its beauty. I hope humanity finally learns we are our own greatest enemy and are able to come together to make changes before our untimely demise.

Work cited

Kossin, J. P., Knapp, K. R., Olander, T. L., & Velden, C. S. (2020). Global increase in major tropical cyclone exceedance probability over the past four decades. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 117(22), 11975-11980.

Kruger, J., Nelson, K., Klein, P., McCurdy, L. E., Pride, P., & Carrier Ady, J. (2010). Building on partnerships: Reconnecting kids with nature for health benefits. Health promotion practice, 11(3), 340-346.

Mayer, F. S., Frantz, C. M., Bruehlman-Senecal, E., & Dolliver, K. (2009). Why is nature beneficial? The role of connectedness to nature. Environment and behavior, 41(5), 607-643.bye

[mikkock]

Hey hi your murder mystery art is super totally cool and amazing and I'd like to Extra! Extra! hear all about it *rattles bells*

haha wow i cant believe ud ask me THIS! unbelievable! now im gonna have to make a long post!

all info under the cut cause im kind like that ♥

For reasons I felt like making a Fancy Ass murder mystery story, with you know, hella complex secret storylines and everyone having drama and shit, and one person died but the more the story goes the less people care about who did the murder and the more they want tHE JUICY DETAILs. X and Y had an afFAIR you say!!! well that’s thousands time more interesting than that murder that happened, who cares about the culprit its not like any of us are going anywhere anyway! tell me more about the marital issues!

The ultimate Vibes are Clue (the game, ya kno, it had a movie too, and that movie was shot with three different endings -fun fact- so that movie theatres could play one alternatively that way people wouldnt get spoiled or even if they did they would not get the ending they were spoiled or even if all three were spoiled you couldnt know which ending you were getting anyway, big dick move, cause its an old movie and film is expensive, also that movie stupid and campy, ALSO I ONLY LEARNED MAKING THIS AU THAT IN ENGLISH THE GAME’S CALLED “CLUE” wE CALL IT CLUEDO therefore my wip playlist is called cluedo. because. fuck it.)(i just have an emotional attachment to that game i even had a cd rom video game version and it was the spookiest shit for a 6 years old, trust me, i played it so much tho i didnt even understand the rULES i was just making scenarios like gathering the characters in rooms n making conversations outloud cause honestly the banter is the best part of a murder mystery) ANYWAY that sure is a whole paragraph of tangent. 

BUT YE the inspo from the Clue game. you can tell it from the Colours obviously, everyone’s colour codded.(even everyone’s name is colours as well you’ll see it’s real dang fancy! im just remaking that game but with 2932020 characters and more behind the scenes drama and also for gay people.)

So BASIC PLOT!

Sir Belyy, the dude in white, is The Rich Powerful Respected Fancy Boss, and he throws a Fancy Reception Party with his closest friends and associates to celebrate the opening of a new branch of his business. All the lads gather in his wonderful little very isolated mansion in the middle of nowhere, like ok he got a death wish or something or he’s very trusting of his business partners, but not a good move, cause in the middle of the reception, as A Phat Storm Starts (for plot convenience, we going with a campy vibe if you couldnt tell), his body is found, it’s awful, there’s a killer on the loose! All the guests gather, and attempt to maybe contact the authorities, to not avail, since The Storm ya know, phone lines are Broken my dude. Its clear that the culprit is among them, since no one could have entered the house, or left it (cuz once again, ThE sTORm). And then it’s all about interrogating each other, distrust, alliances and betrayal, revealing one’s deepest secrets when they form an alibi and revealing someone else’s deepest secret for they could be a motive! Meanwhile there’s a dead body in the mansion just chillin there. 

.

So as I mentioned, I changed everyone’s name to be colour related (or ya know, food or flowers of that colour cause sometimes a colour in a language would not work as a name given the way names work in that culture all that jazz) which is the trippiest thing cause tHATS NOT YALLS USUAL NAMES but its fun (also changed so many ages hgfhs it was a trip)(still no one’s really old i guess i got boomerphobia). The “Cast” is clearly the most important part, and if ur a True “My OCs” Connaisseur (hdfghd the most useful skill to have, knowing *MY* Charactersdshgd) you may have recognised some faces and can already read some vibes and predict who will be progressing the plot and who will be yelling at people throwing accusations ghdfgd.

(god i wish i hadnt slacked off making the portraits of everyone in that AU i only have 3 tho that’s so sad so ill just make little sketches just cause <3 only text??? i got too many hoes with no attention span for that)

.

Sir BELYY (the one who dIEs lmao)

(bust shot missing the fact that this man is the tallest beefiest lad around)

Intimidating, powerful, composed, wealthy, carries the name of a family who has generations of control to it’s reputation, he’s The Man that hoes who believe in the economy wishes they were. As in, the “self made” man who only just happened to benefit from having a wealthy background to uplift his plans. In his youth, he wanted to prove his worth, seperated himself from his father, started a business, that business became big, then got attached to the family’s business, bam back to square one but with Reputation now. There seemed to be VERY big tension between him and The Father, some speculate it had to do with his unknown mother, and some family drama there, and it never got resolved as old man Belyy died quite young (the jUICY speculations are that current sir Belyy mURDEREd old man sir Belyy, fucked up if true!). People love him though in general, as he has that reputation of “Cold Lad With a Gold Heart” aka he takes people under his wings, donates, doesnt treat his employees like the absolute worst garbage etc... you know, he’s rich and a half decent person, so obviously he’s an angel on earth. But does it matter though, he’s dead! that’s the concept of the story!  

Mr.GRAY (the grey guest)(who could have guessed from the name)

He’s one of Sir Belyy’s oldest employees, and benefits from a high rank in the company. But, sadly for him, he’s been stagnating lately, as newer, youngest employees seem to have Belyy’s favours, and are his prefered associates for important tasks and positions. Therefore he has Some Bitterness, Some Salt, Some Distaste, some unbriddled but professionally muted hatred for Specific people in the company. He can be an antagonistic figure, but the amount of time he spent in Belyy’s circle grants him an immense quantity of information about the man, but mostly, about his business. Anything about the company’s history, dealings, operations, he’s aware of, either having been told of them, or having snooped around to obtain, immune to being questioned due to his legitimacy in the company.

Mr.LIM (the green guest)

Remember when it was said that Gray had beef with some employees cause they were younger and rose to high ranks faster than him and became Belyy’s favourite over him? Yeah well here comes the one he hates the most for that (ofc he’s belyys fave cuz he’s Mine <3) Our lad caught Belyy’s attention for his Exploits in like, em fancy high school tournaments of smart people, it’s a thing its ridiculous, making kids compete on Smart stuff for the pride of their schools n shit, well homie Lim got clout when doing that, and Belyy was extremely interested cause that kid’s main thing was how “this young lad got mad strategic skills tf are u a war general or smth how fancy”, and that’s a coveted skill for ruthless business. So as soon as the kid is an adult, bam, join the company my dude. And because he’s just that Cool n Sexy ofc he met the expectations Belyy had, and old man Belyy got attached cuz it do be such a young lad, a kid, mentally i am adopting. That’s how you get a youngas employee becoming the right hand man of one the phatest CEO in a few years, and even make your way into being a Good Lad on top of a business partner. And that’s how you get Gray to hate your ass too. Now though, fine lad with mad strategic skills, rising to power that fast, and even infiltrating Belyy’s private life? If I were Gray I’d call suspicion there’s surely some shady stuff going no way we’re just dealing with a nice fella who just happens to work good and be friendly to the boss right?

Herra MUSTA (the black “guest”)

Belyy’s newest butler, assistant, house keeper, he multitasks. His family has been tied to Belyy’s for generations, fullfilling roles of help, but also of confidents. He’s been the head butler since only a short time, after his mother passed, and as such is still “in training” you could say, despite having served the family his whole life. There are rumours going around that the contract tying his family to the Belyys may end on his generation and need to be resigned. He known the manor by heart, and carries all keys to any locked room (and mostly, The Master Key, cause in an old house, some doors may be locked beyond all still existing keys). He also knows secrets of the family that no one else knows, but good luck getting em out of him, he’s under contract not to divulge em bro.

Mr. HASSEL (the brown guest)

Belyy’s childhood friend. They grew up together, pictured their dreams together, sworn to flourish together, worked together when starting the company, and then Hassel felt he should create his own thing instead of depending on his friend’s existing wealth, and while Belyy’s business went wild, his never took off. They still stayed very close, despite the massive difference in wealth. Belyy considers him his closest friend, the one person he can trust (fucked if hassel did the murder lemme tell u). So of course, he’s still always invited to the Prestigious meet ups where’s he’s free to feel uncomfortably out of place amongst all the rich and powerful people that he could have been a part of had he had a tiny bit of luck and a small loan from a wealthy relative...People LOVE saying he’s still hanging out with Belyy so much to leech off his wealth, cause of course they do! His bestie status means he has a whole different brand of information of Belyy than his butler does, the Most Intimate Stuff, the Childhood Stuff. The Juicy stuff ya kno...But Bro Code, its all secrets...

Sir RUZH (the red “guest”)

Deep dive into Belyy’s personnal history, the man has many employees working at his house keeping it working, clean, ya know the vibe. They live on the premice, one has a kid who’s just a Joy to be around, all the employees just vibe with that lad, he’s just a born socialite you know? Belyy gets to meet the kid, and also hella vibes with him. And because human are influenced by their feelings, he gives the kid’s mum a bit of a preferencial treatment, in the tasks she fullfils and all, til he gives her an important-as mission, and then there’s an accident n mama dies, and now Belyy got guilt and there’s this kid who just Vibes. So naturally the move is to take the kid in, and play on how his vibes are just so clean, and raise him to be the Perfect Entertainer for guests, bam, its soft power propaganda, if everyone loves your now son’s vibes, they associate them with you too. And also that’s kind of a clean rep, the selfless man who adopted his employee’s son to not have him fall to the streets, how heartwarming. Not at all traumatising for the kid too I bet! But anyway now the lad is just the most charming young adult, mission accomplished. He’s always present at any reception, ready to work his people-pleasing magic, and then going back to a gigantic empty manor to wait for the next and curate the perfect vibes to meet the expectations of dad. On the plus side, he knows everyone, and those who don’t know him cannot wAIT to, he’s just got that aura ya know. People skills for miles, and the insider knowledge that comes with being the son of the CEO, all this hidden behind the personna of the fresh innocent bashful party lad. 

Dr.FEN (the pink guest)

Do not get mistaken by the title, he’s no doc, he will not diagnose you with anything, he just studied long enough to get the sexy title. Study in what? Haha. Nothing shady. Just toxicology. He’s a world reknown poison expert basically, that’s his main thing. Oh but don’t worry, of course studying substances that may kill people is only for finding out how to cure them from it of course. What brings him in this circle? Simple, Belyy may or may not have started to suffer some weird illness that no doctor has been able to find the source, let alone cure, of. Him and Dr.Fen had met previously on some event, cause some rich man also love flexing how smart they are and attending sciencey shit, and he was contacted as sort of a shot in the dark. The lad does know how to treat some things, maybe he can treat The Mysterious Unwellness, since no traditional doctor was able to. He knows science, he’s trustworthy, bam, you’re hired to work on My Case Exclusively. Thanks to this, Dr.Fen has access to the whole health history of Belyy and his family, to many mANY dangerous substances, and also has The Respect of the hoes at the party. He HAS a doctorate after all. Epitome of knowledge. And he’s a kind to people and he wears pink like dang how can you nOT pour your wHOLE trust in him. 

Sir MOREVITCH (the blue guest)

Youngest son of an affluent family, who used to be close the the Belyys. The two families fell slightly appart after the death of the previous head of the family on the Belyy side, as they do nOT vibe with the current one (well current, til the first night of the story ig). But, unbeknownst to all, one strong link had been kept, between the youngest of the Morevitch, who dislikes his family and wishes to emancipate himself from them while also assuring his depart will not throw him basically in the streets, and our beloved Sir Belyy, who also dislikes the Morevitches but loves to see the rebellious energy of the young one (and ya know, my enemy’s enemy’s my friend or however you say that). So Belyy’s basically offering tips and helping Morevitch plant himself safely out of his family’s grasp, but it’s all taking quite some time isn’t it, slow and steady is fine until your parents try to arrange a wedding to secure more political power, and suddenly it is all quite urgent that you escape that situation because No Thank You Parents I Do Not Want A Wife I’m Too Young And Also Huh <3 Stuff You Won’t Like Hearing For Sure <3. The people who know they’re working together also know that it’s a big point of argument between them, the difference in vision between “you have to go slow and steady to be safe” and “I have very limited time to get to that safety anyway so I gotta risk it” “hell no you cant i can’t follow through if we’re going that quick that’ll put me at risk and you’re family’s gonna send gunmen to take me down”. A mess, it’d be much quicker to just obtain a few million bucks out of nowhere and bolt for sure...

Mr.GANG (the orange guest)

Morevitch’s trusted assistant. He hears the concerns, he helps the secret businesses, he lies to the parents about the whereabouts, and mostly, he’s basically a budget spy. The lad got that talent where people just don’t notice him popping behind them and catching all their dirty laundry as they confess it to someone they trust, and he always manages to break into places, get the intel he was looking for, and escape, putting everything back into place as if no one was ever there (wonder where he got all those skills from damn!). But what he’s even better at is being sneaky not only to benefit his boss, but himself as well <3. If he can catch all the info in the world, go any places, nothing’s stopping him from playing double agent and also going behind Morevitch’s back. After all the assistant life isn’t the most glamourous and rewarding, who can blame him from going and using his talents to build his own little exit route, right? Everybody sort of knows he cannot be trusted, but also no one managed to really incriminate or stop him, and as much as he has tea on many people, no has it on him, but bet once found that would be heeeella juicy.

M.MOUTARDE (the yellow guest)(this one is straight up the name of the yellow player in the french edition of clue too when i say its my main vibe)

Moutarde was an influential celebrity. He had a big break acting in a movie that the whole country stanned so hard they basically turned the script into their national anthem (they would have if it was a true democracy where the people really decide), he was so handsome and elegant, everyone’s dream husband. And then the fame fiddled out because it’s how fame is, one moment you’re the sexiest dish on the table and the next someone brings in dessert and baam, its all about that fresh cake, and no one pays any mind to your delightful aroma anymore, you’ve gone cold, they had a bite, their interest is somewhere else. Belyy really admires his work though, and mostly finds his image fits with the brand of his company, therefore the two are working on a collaboration to make Moutarde a representative. This WOULD boost Moutarde’s reputation, for his ads would be displayed on every imaginable surface of the country, and it would also benefit the company cause being represented by thAT sexy motherfucker? clearly that’s a deal. The freshness of the partnership means Moutarde is a newcomer in the guests, a fresh face, with no reputation, no relationships, no unfair biases against him. He’s just the new handsome charismatic lad with a squeaky clean image. Emphasis on “image”. After all, no one really knows anything of his background, right?

Kun.LAWENDER (the purple guest)

Private investigator, very useful to be around at a party it’s almost like it was expected there’d be a body to investigate, he’s a very close associate of Belyy, as there’s nothing more important to business than investigating the rivals and finding dirt on them to make them fall through infamy. He’s not exactly the PI who goes look for justice to be served, he’s just here for cash bro. He’s got intel on everyone, and will only let it out if offered the right thing in return (money, or sometimes other pieces of very secret intel, trade is good). Wouldn’t advise letting him and Gang team up tbh but they probably wouldnt, as Lawender is really more of a lone wolf player, going on his own for himself. The one thing that negates his usefulness as a PI on an accidental crime of scene is that even if he knew the whole truth of the event he would not spit it out unless he benefitted from saying it. He sure is a polarising lad, but at the same time, an untouchable one, he’s too knowledgeable to be taken down. Rather than sneaky, he’s extremely observant, noticing the tiniest details and engraving them in his memory, ready to be linked up to other details to deduct the big picture. He’s the upfront tea gathered basically (as opposed to Gang’s shadow tea gathering if you will, they are similar forces but using opposite methods)(also one of em got a licence n the other does not hAH).

~~~~

Now the secrets, all of em have them. One of em at least got the secret of having KILLED Belyy that’s that. But that’s to be kept for later (for if i ever use this story for more than daydream material gfhjgh) bet you can imagine what some of em may be just out of Knowing what i do, from having seen the characters in other contexts, or just because you’re a genius and reading the character profiles immediatly lit up the bulbs in your head forming the perfect theory, props to you, mad genius.

Honestly my thoughts are just how lit of a game that would be, you get to pick one hoe (maybe sum are locked til u find their secrets for juicy purposes) and you do your invetigation using your character’s perks and disadvantages, and maybe there could even be Multiple scenarios and outcomes, to spice it up, give replay value, i just think it’d be a game id spend hours on. tryin to get the spicy details of everyone’s life. walking around n digging through a rich man’s stuff, witnessing the drAMA of people fighting cause they’re locked in with a murderer and that’s stressful ngl. That or a long ass show @ netflix wanna give me a show maybe? give me hella budget we’re making it animated cause im too cultured for live action. 

whatever i make of it though, i hope i can make this story Flourish, just so that i can lay down all those secret backstories i’ve written. i want the satisfaction of throwing out the craziest secret drama between character n seeing peeps loose their minds, it just is a tasty experience.

also i gotta say, i plug the hell out of Clue for an inspo but when i was building the basics of the story my mind immediatly went “oH MY GOD THE VIBES,, THE BACKSTABBING AND tEAMING UP and all,,, its The Genius, that one tv show where peeps have to do the wildest games that require strategy n they’re in that fancy set that looks like a rich ppl mansion oh god the vibes” so yeah, i rewatched the whole first two seasons cause they’re my faves and that had an impact if only minimal in the aesthetic.

Anyway hope that quick presentation gave you a lil taste of the story, and maybe,,,, got you curious,,, craving to learn more like you never did before (im exaggerating the only real question we all got is just “so who’s fuckin with whom then how many of yall secretly dating” this the real deal)

[brynnmck]

 Tagged by @agirlnamedkeith, @pretty--thief, and @samirant, thank you! <333

What is the colour of your hairbrush? Mostly black, with a green ring on it.

Name a food you never eat: I have quite a few foods I can’t eat anymore thanks to some random health issues I developed a few years back (friends, aging is great from a mental/emotional perspective, Not Great from a physical perspective) but in terms of voluntary stuff, green peppers. I’ve outgrown a lot of my childhood food dislikes but that one is in my SOUL.

Are you typically too warm or too cold? Too cold, definitely.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? I was in a boring meeting!

What’s your favourite candy bar?  Probably Snickers? I really like 100 Grand too, though. And Butterfinger. And Twix. And I want Claire Saffitz to make all of them for me.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? I’ve been going to Major League baseball games since I was a kid (it was my dad’s favorite sport), and the past few years, I’ve been to 20-30 games a season. I usually go for my birthday, too, which is in a couple of weeks, and it’s just kinda sinking in that there will be no birthday baseball for me this year. :(

What was the last thing you said out loud? Just saying hi to my husband. 

What is your favourite ice cream? Coffee Heath Bar Crunch. I can’t have caffeine anymore so this summer I’m gonna try to make a decaf version for myself. (WHY IS ALMOST ALL COFFEE ICE CREAM CAFFEINATED. There are so many reasons people can’t have caffeine! Sigh.)

What was the last thing you had to drink? Water!

Do you like your wallet? Sure? It’s a nice blue and it holds my stuff.

What was the last thing you ate? Fruit and Greek yogurt for breakfast.

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? I didn’t! I actually ordered a couple of soft bras from TomboyX on Monday, but nothing on the weekend.

What’s the last sporting event you watched? A replay of an old Mariners game a couple of nights ago. If we’re talking live sports, I watched about half of a Korean baseball league game a few nights back, which was delightful.

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? Butter!

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? @ajoblotofjunk 

Ever go camping? Not in a long time. My husband has been getting the urge to go lately, though, so maybe we will!

Do you take vitamins? I take supplements due to the aforementioned health issues. And vitamin B.

Do you go to church every Sunday? Lol no. My mother is very Catholic and she brought us to 6 am Mass every weekday when I was a kid. It was well-intentioned (her dad had a pretty volatile temperament and she always felt safe at church, so she subconsciously wanted us to feel the same way) but it did not sell me on the experience! Heh.

Do you have a tan? I live in the Seattle area and it’s May, so... lol no. I’m also pretty pale so I don’t get that tan anyway, but. I usually get a little something going in the summer, enough to have tan lines anyway.

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? Tough call, but I’m going with pizza.

Do you drink your soda through a straw? I don’t drink soda anymore (though I drink a LOT of carbonated water), but I’ll drink my drink through a straw if I get it at a fast-food place. Otherwise I don’t usually use one.

What colour socks do you usually wear? Most of my winter socks for work are black. Otherwise it’s a pretty random selection of colors.

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? Sure. Usually 5-10 miles over, rarely more (or less) than that.

What terrifies you? Climate change. Global pandemics. You know. Just generally suffering (both mine and other people’s).

Look to your left. What do you see? Through window of the room I’m sitting in: my neighbors’ house, and a cherry tree in their yard.

What chore do you hate most? Cleaning the bathrooms.

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? The hot Australian woman who’s been on Gold Rush recently, or a dear fannish friend of mine I haven’t talked to in years who is actually from New Zealand and I KNOW IT’S VERY DIFFERENT but it’s close enough to make me think of her!

What’s your favourite soda? I used to drink a lot of Diet Mountain Dew. I really miss ginger beer, too. I love a good spicy ginger beer. Root beer too.

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? Drive-thru all the way. Isn’t that part of the advantage of fast food?

What’s your favourite number? I don’t really have one!

Who’s the last person you talked to? My husband!

Favourite cut of beef? Boneless ribeye. I finally bought a propane grill a couple of years back and I have now learned to make a badass steak, if I say so myself.

Last song you listened to? Eve 6 - Inside Out. A few months ago I suddenly remembered that this song existed and so I bought it and now I have to listen to it at least twice every time it comes up, ha.

Last book you read? An as-yet-unpublished Rose Lerner novel, because I am very lucky! (It’s a wlw Gothic. SUCH A GOOD CONCEPT.)

Favourite day of the week? Saturday

Can you say the alphabet backwards? In this economy??? Idk, I could probably figure it out, but it would definitely be work.

How do you like your coffee? I love a caramel macchiato, especially iced so you get those weird globules of caramel coming up through the straw. But a nonfat decaf double latte with a little bit of some kind of syrup is my go-to these days--hot when it’s cold out, iced when it’s warm out.

Favourite pair of shoes? I have these 40s-ish heels that tie over your instep with a little bow and I love them. I also have some extremely cool red velvet with black cording peep-toe Louboutins that I bought off some discount site years ago, except I can’t wear them for long because they’re about a half size too small. But they’re SO PRETTY.

Time you normally get up? In isolation, I’m discovering that my natural sleep schedule is about 2 am - 10 am. But I have a daily meeting at 9:30, and I try to get my workout done before that, so I get up at 8-8:30ish. I am discovering through this meme that SO MANY of you are morning people! What is that like???

Sunrises or sunsets? I love sunrises but I am not remotely a morning person, so. I see a lot more sunsets, and I love them too!

How many blankets are on your bed? Just one duvet.

Describe your kitchen plates. We have some with blue perimeters and kind of a white/oatmeal middle that we inherited from my in-laws, and the ones we actually bought on purpose are white on top and either sage-y green or charcoal black on the bottom.

Describe your kitchen at the moment. Somewhat messy, or at least there are dishes to do. I made some pretty epic cauliflower mushroom risotto with shrimp last night, though, so it was for a good cause.

Do you have a favourite alcoholic drink? Perfect Manhattans with rye are my go-to, or a Quebecois, which is basically a perfect Manhattan with a little bit of maraschino liqueur added (and ideally a lemon twist, though we’re usually too lazy for those). In the summer, I’m getting really into gin these days: either gin and tonic, gin and some kind of citrus spiked seltzer, or a Last Word. I also really love a good craft beer, and sparkling wine too.

Do you play cards? Not really. We used to play a shit ton of gin rummy in high school, but I haven’t really played cards much since.

What colour is your car? Blue!

Do you know how to change a tire? Theoretically yes, though the one time I actually tried to do it myself, I had a hell of a time getting the lug nuts off. I was fortunately in my driveway at the time (good place for a flat tire!) and my neighbors kept coming by and offering to help, and I was like NO I WANNA DO IT. I think I did need help eventually, though. Stupid pneumatic tools at tire installation places!

Your favourite state? That rare, usually-brief phase of writing where everything seems to fit and flow and you’re a genius and you understand all the secrets of the cosmos. Also Washington.

Favourite job you’ve had? My current one. It’s not my dream job, but it pays well and I like my team and I get to learn new stuff fairly often and I can work from home in the midst of all this, so. I am very lucky!

How did you get your biggest scar? The summer after my freshman year of college, I was part of a summer stock theatre troupe, and we performed half the summer at my college, and half the summer in a very small town in eastern Oregon that had an outdoor stage. One of my entrances involved running over the grass to get to the stage, and one night the grass was wet, and my costume involved ballet slippers, and I slipped and fell onto the stage stairs in front of the whole audience. It hurt SO MUCH that I got very light-headed onstage while I was trying to get through the scene, lol. Anyway, my costume also involved harem pants that had elastic around the calf/ankle area, and I got a friction burn from those, which ended up scarring because the skin over your shins is very thin! (I also got a few massive bruises on my leg that didn’t go away for weeks, so eventually my mom nagged me into going to the doctor, who promptly started gently hinting to see if my boyfriend at the time was responsible for the injuries. Which was actually pretty cool of the doctor! But then I was like, lol no, trust me, a hundred people saw me bite it, this is 100% dumbass mistake.) And that’s my scar story.

Tagging, if you want to do it: @ajoblotofjunk, @snowymary, @halcyon-red, @it-may-be-dull-but-im-determined, @unadulteratedkr, and anyone else who feels like doing this!

[akkivee]

aaaand with day 15, we’ve wrapped up mtc!!! it’s samatoki-sama time!!!!! 👏samatoki-sama time!!!!!! 👏samatoki-sama time!!!!!!!👏👏👏

First impressions: oh a white haired red eyed thug who calls himself ore-sama, samatoki-sama aka mr hardcore huh? *intense hetalia flashbacks*

Current impressions: i wish you all the best samatoki-sama like man, no wonder your motto is life is not fair, it sure hasn’t treated you very well!!!!!! here’s to hoping you get to have your sister back in your life!!!!!!

you know that general fandom joke that that’s like, if you’re a white haired, red eyed person in anime they’re probably destined to die?? yeah i feel like that’s not samatoki because he’s literally passed on his fate of death onto the other important people in his life and has become the a miserable man because of it. did the writers just pull up a list of traits to make a sad man and start checking them off when they made samatoki??? at least give the dude a happy ending by the end of the series please 😫

Favorite thing:

y’know, he’s just a really cool guy?? he’s yakuza, his voice is super cool, he’s just enough of an asshole that it’s not off-putting, and he’s a family man?? high class stuff right there. oooh and i like that his fast rap has kinda become his signature rap!!

Least favorite:

okay so this is really isn’t a least favorite thing, more of a ‘....damn’ moment. but during the tdd climax where samatoki and ichiro had to face each other as a drb test run, it was really really really horrible of samatoki to have beat ichiro and continued to beat him up while he was down. i do not blame ichiro for having beef with samatoki after that. ichiro tends to rap about fake adults and samatoki is definitely one in his eyes, probably for not even attempting to work together to go against chuuoku to save his brothers and nemu, but i really do wonder if ichiro would have done anything differently???? samatoki’s fatal flaw is his dedication to his sister but ichiro is the same way. i’m kinda rambling but it’s food for thought

What i want to see from this character:

connected to the above, how the heck would samatoki even go about reconnecting with ichiro. ramuda implies that now samatoki knows he was the one who hypnotised nemu into leaving him, samatoki and ichiro can reconcile. but that was cruel and unusual punishment samatoki inflicted on ichiro. what if ichiro doesn’t accept samatoki’s apology, if he gives one? what would samatoki do???

Favorite moments:

i actually have a singular favorite samatoki moment, but i have to stay on brand and give three lmao

i like that samatoki is actually pretty sweet on rio!! in the mtc drama track in the first full album, somebody gotta do it, samatoki immediately clues in on how happy rio looks cooking with the ingredients he found and put in work to make sure he could handle whatever rio concocted lmao

and then on the flip side, during the stage play (IM SORRY) samatoki managed to convince rio to give his share of rio’s food to juto. when juto gave him a look, a look that would have felled weaker men, samatoki just looked away like 😬 samatoki is an asshole 🤣

and then my all time favourite samatoki moment is the toto tower event in arb!!!!!! so even putting my shipping preferences aside ‘cause that whole event was a samajuto mall date lmao this event had the happiest samatoki i'd ever seen!!!! samatoki was like a little kid in a candy shop that whole event, and when you think about it, he probably never got to go to this tourist trap mall, even as a kid on a school trip or with his parents, because his entire life is a wreck and he grew up without a normal childhood!! so this whole event, you got to see samatoki actually acting his age, hanging and shopping out with a friend, checking out the view from the top of the tower *sniffs* and being so impressed by it he immediately says he wants to come again and this time with rio and i’m— *sobbing* and then he kept his good vibes going after the terrorist attack ‘cause he had fun shopping and taking down a couple of fools so wanted to share his good mood and take his team out for drinks and immediately invites jakurai who happened to be on scene to hang with them because he still considers jakurai a friend and— *drowning in tears* he was so cute that whole event 😭😭

Headcanon:

mmmm this is actually an observation, or a conclusion, that i’m kinda hoping kr is going to debunk for me along the line but..... i don’t think samatoki has a home like the way he did when he was living with nemu. in the tdd manga, samatoki and nemu were living in ikebukuro. so since ichiro has ‘jurisdiction’ over ikebukuro, that means samatoki had given up the home he and nemu shared. any time we see samatoki off the streets, he’s at the hq of his yakuza group. and in the know your enemy bb vs mtc drama track and in all in the same boat, when juto is paying samatoki a visit/ordered to assist in his arrest, it’s to samatoki’s office. like. i think samatoki’s living in his office. just. just. kr. please prove me wrong

Ships:

i eat drink breathe samajuto!!!!!!!! like they obviously get on each other’s last nerves but their bond runs so deep. juto has bet it all on samatoki and unwaveringly believes in samatoki’s power. and samatoki values juto’s faith and takes strength from it, like we see in all in the same boat. and again with the toto tower event in arb, we see samatoki just utterly at ease by juto’s side 😭

i also hope kr reinstates samasasa supremacy like samatoki was going to cry because he lost sarara!! he refused to fight sasara!!!! sasara fought tooth and nail against the true hypnosis mic’s effects!!!! boyfriends ripped apart by the government!!!

samatoki cares for rio too much to not love mtc poly!! samatoki and jakurai make a good pair!!!!! i’m incredibly invested in samatoki and ichiro’s relationship!!!

links to: ichiro | jiro | saburo | juto | rio | ramuda | gentaro | dice | jakurai | hifumi | doppo | kuukou | jyushi | hitoya | sasara | rosho | rei

[notrobyn]

okay gang i watched artemis fowl and my thoughts are SO LONG. (i literally was taking notes everytime something struck me lmao) so this is obvs gonna be under a read more!! (also there’s probs minor spoilers sorry!!)

the tl;dr for my opinion though is: it’s probably fine if you read the books but weren’t that into them. like if ur a hardcore fan u will be most likely not be that impressed, and if u have never read the books i am FASCINATED to know if u kept up with the plot!! there were bits i didn’t understand at all lol

okay so point no. 1 is that to me most of the changes from the book felt either a little unnecessary or straight up pointless. point no. 2 is that i don’t know how to organise my thoughts so im gonna separate these out by character lmaooooo i have s o much beef.

artemis fowl ii: the actor is sweet! he’s having fun, we’re introduced to him via him surfing and then on a lil hoverboard thing with one wheel? which is a frankly bizarre choice for book!artemis who notably doesn’t do physical activity. (this is a dumb thing but until about 2/3rds of the way through he wears jeans. unheard of for this lil snob). He’s also called ‘Arty’ several times without rebelling. aside from that though he really didn’t start out too badly!! we see him with his guidance counsellor where he is as much a little shit as he is in the book, he’s very self-assured and he clearly knows what he’s talking about.  It does kind of go downhill from there though - his character development pretty much doesn’t even start and by the end of the film I have NO idea what his motivations or even his personality are.  We hear more characters straight up Telling us “ARTEMIS IS SMART AND ALSO SCARY” than we see evidence of it.

artemis fowl i: the dad! this is Colin Farrell. which is fine. he’s fine. He wasn’t really in the first book since he’d been kidnapped before the events and wouldn’t be rescued til the next one but he’s.....not bad! He doesn’t give me ‘criminal mastermind’ vibes and he certainly doesn’t seem to have passed any of that down to Arty II.  The whole ‘hostage’ shit was wild, i’ll talk abt that later lmao

butler: oh MAN did they misuse butler!!! I fucking LOVE book!butler. he’s such a perfect surrogate-father-figure to Arty while being totally in charge of his welfare and stuff like I literally love him. what a badass. but in the film......he’s basically just the fowl’s servant??? Like he’s not even specifically in charge of Arty? He goes on stakeout on his own, he knows all about Artemis Fowl I’s private collections and secrets, and worst of all - Arty calls him Dom/Domovoi. What the fuck. (he also at no point puts on a suit of armour)

juliet butler: god okay I also love juliet, she’s so cool. change no. 1 to juliet is that she’s about artemis’s age? I’m pretty sure she was older. but not convinced. change no. 2 is that she’s butler’s niece??? why? what a pointless change. She’s really not in this film a lot, even parts that in the book were for her have been changed. don’t love that

holly short: okay, holly short in the books is my absolute fav. she’s the first female officer in LEPrecon, she’s making waves, she’s held to a higher standard and is angry about it.  but film!holly........she’s just sort of a normal fairy. Apparently her dad was some kind of human sympathiser so I guess she’s working through that but other than that she just seems nice. Not much characterisation, she’s the same height as Arty though so I guess he must be 1m tall. Cool uniform, cool wings, she did say D’Arvit once.

mulch diggums: tbh I did like him in the books but he got overwhelming in the film. He’s like....the main framing of the film? So it’s like him reporting everything that happened to HUMAN police (wtf). but for some reason he’s really tall. Why is he really tall. The jaw unhinging is truly horrific to watch though which is tbh probably the goal. idk he’s fine, he just...felt like too much, especially compared to the weaker characters of Arty and Holly.

julius root: so this is Judi Dench. and honestly it wasn’t awful. I was super worried about this one because having Commander Root be a woman genuinely takes away so much from Holly’s character of struggling in a male-dominated job. but since Holly didn’t have much of a character, judi did a fine job.  She wasn’t quite as angry but she is intimidating, and she did also say D’Arvit so that’s cool. I don’t hate it.

opal: why the fuck is opal in this film. she didn’t become an antagonist for a while. her motives were wild: there’s a new secret fairy artifact called an ‘aculos’ or ‘acuros’ (at no point did i understand what they were saying, i had it written as akhiros for ages) that artemis senior got hold of, so she kidnapped him to......get it? Even though she could have just stolen it? I don’t really understand this.

foaly: nowhere near as paranoid, nowhere near as fun. horse bit looked cool from a distance, BAD movement though.

OKAY that’s all the characters i can think of?? here’s some general shit though!!!!! sorry this is so long!!!!!

the music was great! it’s patrick doyle so that’s always good, but he did some really gorgeous things with having Irish-inspired folk music when we were in Fowl Manor and then an orchestral score for action scenes, and then darker music for Haven. I do like hearing those little bits weave in and out! 

didn’t love mulch being the framing device. not every film needs one, sometimes a film can just stand on its own!! kenneth branagh i hope you’re listening!!

don’t know why they didn’t just leave the main driving force behind arty kidnapping a fairy as being gold?? it had to be this weird new fairy secret acorn thing. nonsense.

there was a VERY confusing sequence with holly’s magic being “blocked” by the LEP that i would love to know if anyone understood. also if anyone actually understood the time freeze i very much did not. what was arty’s plan??? lmao

this is so long im so sorry. IN CONCLUSION: IT WAS FINE. I WILL NOT WATCH IT AGAIN, NOR DO I WANT THEM TO MAKE ANOTHER. I WISH IT HAD BEEN MORE ACCURATE BUT I UNDERSTAND SOME OF THE CHANGES WERE MADE FOR A DISNEY AUDIENCE. SOME OF THEM WERE NONSENSE THO.