#im autistic this is very much also driven by being autistic

[ourhouseishaunted]

people acting as if laios can Do No Wrong and infantilizing him because he is autistic are annoying as hell. especially because laios belongs to my favorite genre of character: "person who desperately wants friends and deep relationships because they're lonely, and while part of their problems stem from people not wanting to understand them and refusing to meet them where they are, they also genuinely come across in a way where you Completely Understand why others can get turned off from them"

[sammygender]

a lot of the clash between sam and john, aside from the obvious, seems to come from the fact that sam, wrt his dynamic in the family, is driven very much by his desire to understand... & john is diametrically opposed to this

that classic fight scene in s1 with john he starts off by firing questions at john and they're genuine questions - he is so angry at the fact that everything's being kept from him (& dean). and john has SO much he thinks he has to hide from sam. and sam must've always been able to sense this. and john just wants sam to shut up and do his job. so you get this dynamic between sam and john where sam is relentlessly, constantly pushing, because no matter what he can always sense there's something john isn't telling him and that john doesn't trust him (& can you imagine the awfulness that wreaks on his brain as a kid??? hes growing up and his older brother and his dad are in some secret little club he only gets access to later on and even then - even then he's never as close as they are to each other - of course he feels like hes fundamentally wrong and evil thats what john projects onto him, there must be something wrong with him for john to treat him like this), and also because none of it makes SENSE to him.

(side note but teenage sam is soooo autistic kid who just wants people to act rationally and genuinely cannot comprehend why his dad acts like this and does the things he does and can be such a dick and refuses to listen to reason, like surely if sam just Explains Better then this time dad'll get it...) (i understand him. What who said that). and john is always pulling away and getting colder and angrier and meaner because he resents sam so much for always pushing and never just doing what hes told and is never ever actually willing to listen to sam at all.

anyway. sorry guys im rewatching all the john winchester scenes because i wrote a fic with john actually IN it and i want his voice to be 100% accurate because inaccurate john bugs the shit out of me

[rodentbrains]

one of the things fhr does so wonderfully, which i’ve rarely seen popular media deal with at all, much less well, is where the need for control can stem from. the version of it shown in fhr connects so deeply to my experience as a autistic person.

control isnt shown to come from an almost giddy desire to have other people under your thumb, but complete and utter fear and panic. the kind that feels like your life is deeply in danger because you do not know how people will react and what they will do. thats the crux of it, their autonomy means that they are completely out of your control and therefore can leave in you in a state that is unsurvivable to you! in this sense, the fantasy of telepathy, the idea that i can make sure i will survive my encounters is so tempting. something like that would make me able to live more, make me feel like a real person. which i never feel like (much like sidestep.)

its obviously very immoral, but the desire driven by fear is sympthetic. the intensity of this experience is perfectly enhanced with sidesteps reality as ‘non-human’ and the very real physical danger they face due to their illegal existence. their fear of literal torture and death echos my emotional experience of stepping out into society and i say this without exeggaration. you also get to see ortega react to it. someone who loves sidestep doesnt necessarily understand them by the virtue of that love. the same way a lot of neurotypical people cannot understand autistic experience, and there is something so comforting about seeing that. about seeing a character, who obviously does have a deeply distorted sense of reality, but is still correct in their understanding of aspects of that reality!

sidesteps fear of the farm is incredibly legitimate, despite it being something that a lot of characters in the story do not understand. many of them have the initial reaction that sidestep is exaggerating, but they are aren’t. its a reminder that there are also incredibly real aspects to my fears. that autism isnt just a distortion. when sidestep breaks down and shows the overwhelming terror they experience over not being able to read/control ortegas mind, they are horrified. naturally. it is horrifying considering the abilities sidestep possess, im not understating that. its however also clear to us, the audience, that this need comes from being petrified. from not knowing any other way to stay safe, stay human. the fear of losing autonomy they fought for so hard is another element of all of this, and unsurprisingly, being robbed of autonomy is a common autistic fear too. but thats a whole other post

[elviraaxen]

im new here, so im sorry if this is a question youve answered before but tumblr's search bar failed me in finding this to be previous answered but.. uhmmm

c... can we make ocs/personas for Felt World? or would you rather we not or we hold off until further in?? bc i would love to make a puppet give our cowboy a smooch before he is, i assume bc he is a fucking catch and a half, taken off the market in canon lol i assume he wont still be single by the end. im a tad bit too embarrassed to ever post such drawings, but i wanted to know in case i ever did become brave enough to make them public if such you would be welcome to be tagged in or if that would make you feel uncomfortable

and also, for that purpose: as someone with disabilities, im really curious how disabilities are translated into Felt World? obviously not all of them, that'd take forever. but i was curious if they use mobility aids just like ours or if they use ones we could not have (an example of what i mean could be like "seal-chairs" in "Witch Hat Atelier"? they are chairs with hooves that run and jump, as opposed to wheels). and i know you said music is really powerful in this world, in both singing and instruments, but i wanted to also ask how in a world with so much focus on sound are the deaf/hard of hearing accomadated? deaf/HoH people can still play instruments, obviously (the most famous example being Beethoven), but i meant other than that

(also, if i recall accurately you once said that "the puppets have to speak to be considered sentient beings"? i was wondering if in the future could that be amended to "have to be able to communicate"? because i assume nonverbal puppets would still exist, as well as puppets who just dont speak much (whether thats a facet of deafness or nonspeaking shutdown or just a quiet personality). or would that break Felt World's world-building's logic in some way? that's a genuine question. i wasnt sure how to word it in a way that would minimize the risk of one being put on their back-foot, but i tried my best, it really is a genuine question)

(also, because i never like to assume fluency in disability-knowledge: if you need a resource on media portrayals of disability at any point, i highly recommend the youtuber, Oakwyrm. they do a lot of really cool analysis videos on disability. i do apologize if i am overstepping, and you are already largely fluent in disabled portrayals in media and/or already aware of Oakwyrm's existence. i just like to shout at least one resource out because i know many people have no idea where to look to learn more about general disability representation advice and whatnot. you do not have to watch their videos if you do not want to ♡)

also a bit of a tangent, idk if this is just a "for now" aspect of Donna due to her adjusting or if this is a core pillar of her personality but... just, thank you for making a feminine character who cries a lot and is emotional with Big Feelings. ive always felt more connected to the Dorthy Gales, Cinderellas, Clarisse de Cagliostros kind of heroines who are a bit of a "damsel in distress" (tho i do think that term reduces a lot of their agency and bravery) and i feel a bit lonely that we dont see many emotional-vitality-driven heroines who need some help as much as badass heroines or sassy heroines, both of whom are fully capable of getting shit sone alone. makes my cry-baby disabled ass feel a little pathetic (im very physically weak because of my chronic health issues, and am the type of Autistic ADHDer who is very sensitive to getting big feelings), even tho i know those types of heroines are valid and needed. i resonate a lot with AJR's lyric about "But I'm weak. And what's wrong with that?" even though i know im taking it out of context

and im sure Donna will prove herself capable of being on her own and having her own agency, same as all the heroines ive listed, i dont assume she will be stagnant, but i just wanted to really thank you for making a character that i relate to. i dont get that often. it makes me feel a bit abnormal and strange, and i mean moreso than the "well youre neurodivergent and sickly" kind of abnormal that would be implied. like. Weird Kid sitting alone at lunch kind of strange. so its really cool to see Donna and feel less lonely, is what im saying. i wish there were more heroines like her for people like me nowadays, rather than the archetype being reduced to "archiac stereotypes" (which i both do and dont understand the logic of. it depends on context and the example given) and therefore shelving a type of heroine we dont see in a lot of contemporary media (in exchange for a heroine we didnt get to see often (if at all) in past media, the sassy and badass ones, i do get it, and im glad theyre being used more as they should have always been. there are a select few of both camps that feel like "women have to be as stereotypically masculine as possible to be worthy of being called 'a strong character'" when i think strong characters have less to do with personality and more to do with "do they direct the narrative's plot? do they have agency?". but i could be wrong about that and i am getting off-topic)

but yeah. just. overall: thank you for introducing Donna to be like she is. it means a lot to me to see a heroine like her in contemporary media. im really excited to see what youll do next ♡ but yeah, i know im babbling a lot here and you dont need to reply to this half, i just really wanted to stress my thanks and WHY you have my thanks ♡♡♡ i really appreciate having Donna sit at my metaphorical lunch-table with me, even if she has to go sit somewhere else later. its been really nice to be beside her

thank you ♡

ps. i wasnt sure how to format this Ask because i know some people like to have each section have their own Ask for compartmentalizing/tag-organization reasons, but others like it all to be together so they know its all from one person as opposed to the anxiety of "ahh why did i get so many Asks all at once, did i do something wrong, do people hate me-- oh. its fine. i went through that rollercoaster for nothing. dear lord, am i drained now". so i tend to rather assume the latter, just in case; but do feel free to screenshot and section these out into their own posts if you are the former, i wont mind if youd rather do that ♡ have a nice day!!

Oh my goodness what a long message!!! 0.0!!

I had to take a few hours to think about everything to make sure I answered everything. But I should start off by showing my gratitude for the amount of time and effort you put into formulating this! So thank you, this was a really cool ask to receive <3

As for OCs, absolutely you can! I've already had a few who've made theirs, and I have no rules at all when it comes to shipping or self inserts or anything, as long as everyone is being respectful towards each other ^^

As for the disability aspect, I have a few key points that I want to explore in regards to especially deafness and muteness (is it called that? muteness?), but that's further along the story and will be introduced later! Also how song vs instruments work in this world is a part of the lore itself that'll be explained further down the line too, so no need to worry about our fellow mute or deaf/hoh peeps!

I have of course thought about mobility aids and other disability accommodations (because they can be born with defect, illnesses, and be injured pretty much like us, their bodies are a bit more fantastical but there are still rules) but i must admit didn't think further other than to give them similar mobility aids that we use. But clearly it would make more sense to make something more fantastical! I'll give it a thought! That's probably gonna be a fun design exercise ^^

I'm not sure if I can answer the entire ask in a way that does it justice, it's quite frankly the coolest message I've gotten, I'm gonna try and not let it get to my head (lol),

but i'm so glad you and seemingly many others seem to like Donna and appreciate her specifically for being sensitive and reacting strongly. It shouldn't be but it's really daunting to write female leads because as we know people just don't like women in media generally, but I eventually just got over it because I realized I was starting to write a character that demanded the audience cared and respected, rather than showing a story that I had fun telling, in a world worth exploring.

And not to spoil but I've already decided I do not want Donna to go through an arc where she's forced to abandon her emotions or go through something physically traumatic in order to "become tough" to be respected, that's not only overdone but lame and harmful wish fulfillment. So no worries in that department!

But anyways, I don't think I can properly say how appreciative I am of this ask!!! It really warms my heart that you and other people are going out of your way to send me asks about my little story that I came up with on a whim!!! It's truly the best compliment as a creator.

<3

[raisinchallah]

you know the post that had me the most oh my god maybe im not autistic this is insane was this video where this guy was like acting out a fake dialogue with a neurotypical person who was annoyed that he was overexplaining things and hes like well ur not doing it right and like saying just full stop its the neurotypical persons fault for being annoyed at being told how to do stuff because they were unenlightened to the correct way and like seemingly not able to understand this would annoy someone and everyone in the comments was wholeheartedly agreeing wishing everyone was super normal about being told how to do stuff which is so wild to me cuz i get like the overexplaining thing and i know it often is not like malice or critique but literally how are u not driven up a wall because its like immovable object vs immovable object like this conflict would be worse with two autistic people tbh this isnt a neurotypical thing no force on earth greater than an autistic person and their specific routine like dont tell me this is wrong dont tell me what to do explodes u with eye lasers like akfkakkf im very familiar with this type of conflict my last job i had a coworker literally nicest dude in the world but was soooo particular about how stuff was done like more stringent than our managers telling me to only shake the noodles dry with a specific hand grip type stuff and again he meant zero malice and was just trying to help me and train me but i literally felt like i was clawing the fucking walls like um dont break my routine and like again i get the impulse i do i was like mentally feeling like noo how could u be doing it wrong (different from me) when working with my less experienced coworker and like i get the insane micromanager thing lol my autistic dad also hates being told what to do but will try to offer wayyy too much help and advice and corrections to the point u cant do it urself and i think i was just like so fascinated and appalled that like i fully get people being like of course my overexplaining is just helpful and kind cuz thats how its taken but having zero idea of the reverse of being on the other end of someone telling u how to do stuff but theyre wrong about it or simply different being literally the worst thing in the entire world the systems the rules the order comes crashing down and somehow instead everyones like yeah neurotypicals just gotta get it together and listen to our advice and im like no actually wheres the rights for people who are particular freaks to a degree they cant stand being told what to do in a different manner like how do u not suffer with this all the time if u have such strong opinions

[louthingg]

pls tell me about your favourite horror movies

idk much about the genre tbh because. i was quite easily freaked out as a kid/teenager so i just didnt watch any. but ive been trying to get into it more as an adult so i would appreciate some recommendations :)

i have an irl friend who is also really into horror movies and she gave me a list of them to watch

the crossed out ones are the ones i have watched already. the others i havent got round to yet

ok !!!! so if im going to be completely honest, i havent watched that many for the reaosn you just stated. although the genre is a main special interest, i have always had a really really horrible scare tolerance which sucks. i do best with classic horror movies—ive watched a good chunk of those so heres what i recommend:

i will rate each movie on a 1 - 10 scale and then how scary i found it 1 - 100

american psycho — 9 / 10, 25%, autistic protag, CWs: a LOT of sex ( which is not relvant to the plot so you can skip through it ), blood, mild homophobia, implied cannibalism + torture

midsommar — have not watched but ive heard its good, id look the up the CWs

re animator — already on the list but !!!!!!!!!! 11 / 10, 5%, honestly just gross, my beloved little gay men, literally fits into half the horror subgenres ( body horror weird horror, slasher, etc ) CWs: A LOT OF GORE, 1 sex scene + a sexual assault scene which you can skip through ( neither are relevant to the plot ), has a predatory character

SAW 1 — 10 / 10, 60%, cannot explain to you how horrible and good this movie is at the same time. the budget looks like it was fuckign 0 dollars but OH MY GOD the acting and the plot im going insane. also little gay men again. CWs: mild drug use ( just cigs ) / reference to more serious addiction, child abuse ( not from a parent ), gore, depictions of people being driven to insanity

the birds — 8 / 10, 3%, honestly a really silly movie but i love it. it was slightly unsettling and i didnt trust birds for a few days ! CWs: a few jumpscares, child death, mild gore

psycho — 10 / 10, 20%, definetly was unnerving, made me nervous to take a shower for a bit ( youll see ), also !!!!! SUBTLE TRANSGENDER CHARACTER !!!!! be on the lookout :3 CWs: jumpscares, mild gore, child abuse, stealing ( idk if this is a CW lmao ), reference to drug usage / addiction ( i think ?? i can’t remember )

salad fingers — 10 / 10, 30%, not a movie but !!!!! i lvoe it. youtube horror series made by a single guy, has the craziest lore. i watched all of it in 2 days, very very cool and interesting, was unnerving made me uncomfy + was honestly just gross most of the time . CWs: gore, self harm, mild racism, jumpscares, auto( ? ) cannibalism

zero day — 10 / 10, 40%, very very niche low budget found footage film, literally the MOST incredible acting ever, extremely suspenseful, fed into my hyperfixation on guns / gun laws. CWs: ‼️‼️THIS MOVIE IS ABOUT A SCHOOL SHOOTING‼️‼️ ( and contains relentless talk of them !!!!! ), suicide / self harm, mild gore, depictions of severe mental illness, mention of bullying, child death

and im sure theres more that im forgetting lmao take what you will and let me know what you think !!!!!!! <3

[drifloonz]

The multiple miki thing might be because Miki could've been based on Charizard M and that thing is known for cloning itself.

Tbh i cant fault shadowmalerenamon for completely changing doors open when rewriting it. Having missingno be the main antagonist was miles better than how Steve was in the original.

( mention of suicide ig )

i respectfully disagree . i see where you're coming from but i think all of the rewritten strangled... duology i guess bc strangled red itself never got one

( thank fucking god to be honest. it needs No change. although at the same time its kind of funny it never got one bc its the most popular one and going more into him as a Person if smr didnt fuck it up would be nice ... but im too attached to my own interp based off of his canon implications to care about what smr kind of has to give. and he already did that in og strangled red, to a degree, although it focuses on the tragedy there is character stuff to be extrapolated from the implications of the story if youre very deeply ill. like me. )

- is a lot less character-focused, at least on steven specifically, and is focused on explaining or rewriting shit that never needed to be explained or rewritten. it is a revisit and reinterpretation of the story, that to me, is just purely kind of . Not good or fun to read. and the new shit it introduces is fucking stupid imo. steven being banished by the town instead of... fucking. killing himself ( especially specifically by cop. that's lame and way more boring + FUCK THE POLICE !!! + It feels out of character for steven he would just do it himself like actually. Also yk. hanging yourself is narratively thematic and ironic. ) or whatever goes so much harder .

guy who loves his town and home region and wanting to be a role model and wanting to be cool so badly being driven mad and then the entirety of kanto, his homeland, forsaking him and walling him off goes crazy . Also because it implies they're scared of him to some degree which also makes me go crazy as an implication.

[ more put below bc i love to fucking yap about strangled red and how much i dont like the rewrites ]

i Will not step down from 'the rewrites arent good' . Doors open is mostly bad because stevens characterization is garbage. even though its random and from left field ( why the fuck is he in sprout tower ) it couldve been handled well if it was written better characterization-wise.

also i supposed the 'M charizard makes sense. not. not really i don't actually think smr thought that through. if he did, which he couldve because she is named #'M# in Strangled Red, cool, but i still think it's just to make the "miki" name thing with 4 party members he has. which is cool admittedly. it's just that i hope it is never explained why he has 4. and it never has since, doors open rewrite didnt do anything with that thank god.

and bc he wouldnt have any other mon other than miki post-incident and afaik that thing only replaces existing partymembers, and steven canonically releases all his team in SR + pokemon avoid him. but yea. Doors open i treat as a 'spinoff' in a sense bc nothing from it really makes sense when properly thought through, and its basically there to make the lost silver crossover i feel. also, yk, he literally says "Never." in strangled red when you press switch on 'M / missingno/revived/whatever you want to call miki post revival. its kind of out of character for canon-compliant steven to have anything other than miki post-incident for these 3 reasons - i only made a team for him post incident bc im autistic about pokemon and pokemon teams so that was for fun.

basically it makes more plotholes and questions than not the more strangled reds plot stuff tries to be explained or added upon esp in the remakes which i think are not fun reads if you like steven as a character anyways. and also bc strangled and doors open in the ogs are easter eggs. trying to explain what is supposed to be an in universe easter egg in pokemon would obviously be kind of a lesson in futility. not. not exactly but at least in the way smr does it.

strangled makes sense, you just go to his fucking house and hes there. yea. doors open is like. Yea hes in johto now. dont ask. but its also easily explainable as... He just fucked off to johto. For what reason? idk. hates kanto bc theyve forsaken him and banished him to the Woods, just wanted fresh air i guess, or just for fun. these are all more plausible reasons.

iirc the rewrite doesnt even say why hes there and if it does the reason is convoluted and not needed. i think its just 'hes a ghost hallucination... thing??? following the mc which is the most boring route to go for with steven and the most uninspired thing ever, and missingno was not the antagonist just a plot device in the og story Why are we focusing on it so much.' and its still a plot device in the rewrites! it isnt explained ( good the explanation would be kind of awful ) and i cant see any good way to explain missingno other than the way i do as a fun idea. which is biased but the 'failed clone of mew number 3' is a fun idea.

this is an insane ramble from a deranged person. if you can't tell i fucking love steven as a character and smr does him dirty except in strangled red, really. strangled... is fine but bc he barely talks in that one and when he does its like. yea. that checks out.

no hate to you btw none of it was directed at you specifically just smr and strangled reds various canons. you just gave me an excuse to ramble about how much i dislike the remakes tbh. I fucking LOVE analyzing why i hate things esp involving steven bc hes not greatly written by his og creator and not often greatly written by the fandom either .

[florafound]

five things that make Kit who she is? go!

I decided to record this and THEN write what I said but anyway:

AUDIO TRANSCRIPT:

Okay 5 things that make Kit who she is! Go!

So this was actually really hard and honestly I feel like all of these things coexist with each other. But I guess that kinda makes sense since they all make up the same person.  

But first and foremost, not to heavy hand anything, but the fact that kit is autistic is very very very very important to literally everything! And not like in a ‘eugh it controls my entire life’ kind of way. But in – it really does make up a good portion of Kit’s nature – particularly in how & why she acts the way she does outside of what was done to her by Obsidian.

Like at her core – she’s autistic.

And I need that to be understood and known. Because it’s very important to me that people remember this detail. Like I never want it to be seen as like a bad thing. Because like half my purpose in creating Kit as a character was creating a character that was autistic and wasn’t the general “savant” stereotype. And then of course everything else happened with the character but ignore that.

 It’s just, it’s very important to me that everyone remembers this detail. Because it does really come to play in a lot of situations.

Um so 2.

Her adoration for FLORIDA….Florida? Flora.

Kit’s special interest has been flora like for as long as she probably could conceptualize images. Before Obsidian – before EVERYTHING – she has loved plants. Not gonna lie, she’s probably more drawn to flowers overall. But she still loves plants as a whole.

As a child she probably gorged herself on encyclopedic information on different plants. Where they came from, if they were native to the area, random facts. The works! She probably lost a lot of that when Obsidian wiped her memories but beyond – like once she’s away from Obsidian – she’s still inherently driven to learn and SHARE – oh my gods share – LET HER INFODUMP ABOUT FLOWERS I SWEAR TO GOD.

But she just wants to do that, like she just cares about flora so much.

3. Her worship of the sun.

Not gonna lie, Kit’s obsession with the sun is borderline spiritual. Like it’s definitely a post-Obsidian development. Like she didn’t used to be this obsessed with the sun. Like she probably associated herself with sunflowers at one point in time, but not in a “oh yeah im never gonna see the sun again, I’m going to literally LOVE it”

It probably comes from being trapped in the same 4 walls, I would understand. But she really does have a fear of losing the sun and never seeing it again. So she will wake up every morning as the sun is rising to go and greet it like it is the last time she will ever see it. And it is very important to her that she does not miss this. Like her entire day is RUINED if she does not get a chance to see the sun and say hello to it.

Uh #4.

It’s kind of tied to her autistic traits and also kind of tied to trauma and then just kind tied to being herself – which is all of the above.

Her genuineness? Her authenticity.

I don’t know what you want to call it. Like the word naivete comes up but it’s not even that.

 Kit’s really just so genuine about everything.

She doesn’t lie. She might keep things to herself, but when she does speak up, she’s very very genuine and blatant about everything. So blatantly open. Besides the fact that she can’t physically “grow up”, like this is probably the one thing that really gets her seen as childlike.

She sees the world so genuinely it’s painful and beautiful all at the same time.

And like last but not least – her trauma.

Particularly the Obsidian-caused trauma, which is where most of her trauma is.

Despite it making up a good portion of her personality and herself, I kind of put it last because I wanted to spend more time talking about the things that I think are cooler and more important like the flowers and the sun.

But it’s worth noting that Kit is, you know, an escaped research subject who has been kidnapped and tortured. And has had her memory wiped and the whole works. And like despite escaping, she’s not really, of course, in a situation to seek therapy about that when she probably really needs it.

And that like comes to like a head whenever she tries to join like Overwatch or something and take things head on – it very blatantly kind of like smacks her in the face that she can’t get over situations that involve Obsidian really easily.  

So yeah…There you go.

[waywardfeathered]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. REPOST.

name. Havu.

pronouns. they/them

preference  of  communication. Discord. My handle is in my rules! Tumblr IM box is difficult for me, but if you prefer that, I will also communicate there.

name  of  muse. Castiel, or in non-canon human verses, Castiel "Cas" Krushnic.

rp  experience  /  how  long. On tumblr since 2013, before that mostly one-on-one in private since around 2006.

best  experience. No one best experience, but in general muses connecting. Like when you end up building dynamics and storylines that take on life of their own, when there is something coherent between muses no matter the nature of it, when you connect enough ooc that you mutually appreciate each other even if it's just in the form of liking each other's dash game posts or whatnot.

rp  pet  peeves  /  dealbreakers. Harrassing people for fictional content no matter how problematic you believe it to be, posting/sharing callouts over fictional content (honestly this counts as harrassment and bullying), policing what fictional themes other people are "allowed" to write of any kind (a polite "don't follow me if you write gore/smut/coffee shop aus/abuse/anything" is fine and not harrassment or policing), individual urls on DNI lists, bigoted beliefs/behaviour.

fluff,  angst,  or  smut. angst, smut, and fluff, in that order. I will write pretty much any genre, but I do tend to love writing angst or angst-adjacent themes more than something entirely happy even though I will gladly do the latter as well. I like writing smut, and am open to writing it without us needing to be friends or close ooc; I only am not comfortable writing smut with muns under 21.

plots  or  memes. Both! Let's say that I am more likely to do better with at least some vague plotting, something to write towards or based on, even if it's a one-line simple idea. However. I will happily wing things as well.

long  or  short  replies.  I prefer 2-4 paragraphs per response. Longer tends to get hard for me. Shorter tends to get too short to say enough. But, I am happy to do single para or novella. I firmly believe that matching length is bullshit and that it's natural for reply length to fluctuate, exposition and such might naturally make a reply novella while action or muses having a conversation where they keep responding to each other works better with just a couple of paragraphs if not less, because I find it awkward to kind of... interject in between, with a reply, and it starts to easily feel like I'm writing three threads in one go with longer form dialogue/reaction heavy threads.

best  time  to  write. No specific time. I do best if I have a sleep schedule, but other than that, I'm on disability and not restricted to time tables through a job or anything that sort.

are  you  like  your  muse. Not very. I relate to a lot of Cas's experiences in how I've been controlled and abused, and I share many quirks with him (he's very autistic coded and I'm autistic), but in general we're super different people. He's much more self-sacrificing and emotion driven, where I'm a lot more self-preserving and analytical; he views life through his heart and I look at everything analytically and don't tend to feel very deeply emotionally. He has strong moral convictions; I of course have my opinions of right/wrong, but I tend to juggle multiple points of view at once and have no issue going against my own morals on a lot of things. He has a very intuitive way of his opinions, feelings, and the universe and such, like of course he contemplates such things a lot, and he has a lot of self-doubt, but it's very different from the way I operate from a set of a logical framework that I am constantly adjusting with new factual information and where he wishes to be steady-footed on his beliefs and sense of self etc I am naturally always in flux and analysing and comparing and going down rabbit-holes of what ifs. He is good at being practical and taking action, I am really passive and impractical.

tagged by: @collidingxworlds, thank you! tagging: @solheimisms, @righteouslysin, @normaltothemax, @detectiveconnor, @lovepurposed & anyone who wants to!

[wellnesscard]

i never realize how awkward i am til it becomes evident , obviously. since thats how things work. but damn i have not socialized regularly since like first covid quarantine era i used to like go to parties and shows and hit ppl up but ive basically forgotten 90% of that criteria to perform over the last three years. its been a trip honestly ive been biding my time, making moves. getting married getting the sailboat working at that tourist restaurant all summer the past 3 summers like living in their warehouse literally cooking our fish dinner over a fire in the parking lot with the rest of the bums, finishing college. its been iconic in a lot of ways really but all very purpose driven to the point of like getting lost in the sauce almost. i have too much adhd to not be purpose oriented or whatever but then i freak when im also a lazy and relaxing fool with actually nothing of "soft" activities to fill those times with. basically, now that im bored of being an alcoholic once and for all im realizing oooooh fuckk im not totally satisfied with my present state like in a normal way bc are we ever content? i dont think ive been. so im like lets get out there lets go on a walk also some of this may be itching for spring i gotta feel the magic electricity again in the air and in the power of everythinggg man you know what i mean! step one seems to be: learn how to chill w your friends without an alcohol and still be fun and engage with ppl instead of quietass. fun fact that was a main reason i accidentally became an alcoholic in high school - to engage with and relate to my peers n not feel like such an alien hahahaha is that autistic or what

[whatsnotbutters]

funny letter E (im staring at you with my autistic eyes)

wouldnt it be funny if i just chose a different character starting with e rather than the one i know youre asking about /j anyways im not mean enough to do that so.... ender <3

obv you know pretty much like everything about ender but for a quick rundown for people who don't know. he's a half-enderman half dragon guy. he has two older brothers (both owned by dusk lol) endi and wisdom! endi ends up killing their parents, running away and then wisdom and ender end up in the care of their uncle, river. river is an evil scientist and experiments on Literal Children. wisdom also dies but dw he's brought back to life but it does fuck with ender! uhh eventually river ""dies"" and after that point ender basically vows to kill endi, basically blaming him for everything that happened to him and wisdom.

ender is very very defensive of himself and wisdom, afraid of being hurt again and honestly wisdom is probably the only person he truly trusts. he's also very justice driven and has a very strong moral code so he takes it upon himself to deal with injustices. ender is very... unapproachable and he definitely comes off as an asshole at times and it takes a lot for him to soften up towards others. he's also very stubborn and pretty short tempered too, though wisdom usually reels him back. i do like to imagine that he's pretty nice to younger characters tho bc i have a massive soft spot for "mean characters nice to kids" 😭

god if i think about ender too much i'll lose my mind. like he's not a bad person, he's just very misguided and genuinely believes what hes doing is right!! he doesn't know the reasons for why endi did what he did like we do!! he just needs someone besides from like wisdom to be nice to him bc hes just such a hurt person and aughhhhh. this isnt even touching upon like fucking everything about this man but if i tried to do that then wed be here forever

anyways if endi is bawling all the time then ender is BALLING!!!!

[coelakanths]

ur ocs /hj

*vigorously scrubs the /hj off the screen*

ok. let’s think about this.

u are hawkins(from werevamps) because she’s a vampire and that’s the only reason you’re actually not even like her personality wise but she’s a vampire and that trumps everything. if I’m going w an actual personality driven answer id say damien (from eating angels) he’s an ex angel with problems whos like kinda sorta in love with the new god but in a way that he’s revolted by. he’s my meow meow

roger is jezero from eocena! jezero is a beetle man who likes plants and his friends. he’s very intelligent very autistic i love him so much

callen is vinnie from the deathcap. vinnie is a fungus masquerading as a person but is somehow actually rlly normal about it. like he died as a kid and came back as a fungus and was like oh ok chill. his main personality trait is how calm he is abt everything and he doesn’t believe in ghosts despite literally being a reanimated corpse. best person to walk in a haunted house with <3

insom is arden also from the deathcap who is a kid with a podcast who rlly rlly rlly likes paranormal things. they’re fun and groovy! i don’t associate their whole storyline w insom but im rlly rlly proud of it so im going to tell u— they basically get consumed by their own desire to be understood and taken seriously in the paranormal field that they go too far and die and become a fungus person themself but they’re actively revolted by it and it’s just a very very fun dichotomy to play with. i love their character they’re so full of contradiction and stuff. and they wear cool sunglasses so win. i can also see insom as angler from fathom who is my poorest little meow meow. he’s mute and he lives on a submarine with his father figure and some other ppl. he’s observant and he likes cereal specifically plain cheerios. i love him so much.

i tried very hard to think of a character that fits sy and i can’t. maybe laika (eocena). laika is a cat person thing (they have a tail and pointy ears and more hair) and they work at their moms coffee shop and are constantly creating. they draw and paint and sculpt…. basically if it’s an art form they’ve gotten their paws on it and have made it into something beautiful. they’re a big dreamer! sy however also has a character that’s basically an insert in eocena but they play the small role of an adventurer the main gang meets named fran :-) fran and bee were characters they n i made up a while back and i love them too much to not include them in my novel so!!

and ofc for myself id have to go with finch (eocena). i project onto all of my characters but with him i do it the most i think. hes lost all his memories and now has to navigate thru this world with some crippling anxiety and a trauma he can’t put a name to. his whole plotline of growth and coming into his own and learning to heal through the people around him is very based around and inspired by my own healing process!! srsly his whole story is just a thinly veiled metaphor for my own trauma LMAO. finch falls in love with everyone he meets and enjoys being outside and flowers and his friends his friends his friends (laika and jezero!). he is so special to me <3

OK. i hope ur happy that took so long for me (< enjoyed every single second)

[intersexfairy]

Hi! i’ve been questioning if im autistic and i relate a lot to it and it feels like my life just clicked! but im still not very sure and want to know how meltdowns are really like and if all autistics stim? or how do some autistics stim since every autistic is very different! :)

Congrats on your self discovery! Regardless of whether you come to learn you're autistic or not autistic, I hope you're able to learn more things and understand yourself better to enhance your life!

Not all autistics stim, or have meltdowns for that matter. And when we do have meltdowns and stim, it's different for everyone!

Some people stim vocally (repeating phrases, humming, singing)... through rhythm (tapping, tongue clicking)... through body movement (rocking and flapping are most common)... through listening to/playing music, drawing, watching people draw... eating... through smelling scents they like...

Anything that engages the senses (hearing, sight, smell, taste, touch, etc) counts! Stimming is normally done to fulfill some kind of need or want, and sometimes that can be as simple as just wanting the Good Sensory Input, or it can be to calm us down, comfort us, entertain us, a compulsion, or a whole host of reasons - sometimes it's a form of communication with others/a love language when stimming is shared!

And when we have meltdowns, common causes are being overwhelmed by sensory input, tasks/instructions, or socializing. We may also have meltdowns when our routines/expectations for the day are disrupted, we're sensorily underwhelmed and dont have access to the sensory input we desire, or when someone violates our boundaries.

There are a lot of causes for meltdowns, and I definitely didn't list them all here, but being overwhelmed, underwhelmed, or disrupted are some of the most common reasons. Something that triggers me a lot for example are tasks like cleaning that involve a lot of visual sensory input (messes) and executive function coordination.

Meltdowns also look different for every one. Some people cry, sob, scream, others get silent, or begin to stim vocally. We also may begin to stim in other ways, and in meltdowns these stims can sometimes be harmful and hurt us, as we may be stimming to release pent up energy and emotions. Externally, meltdowns can look like anything - someone could be having a meltdown and look like they're functioning as usual on the outside!

But on the inside, we're typically in a frenzy, our thoughts may be racing or unclear, likely focusing intensely on the cause of our distress, or on how distressed we are. Some of us will be very driven to find a way to stop the pain (meltdowns are quite mentally, and sometimes physically, painful), and when the avenues to do so are unavailable, that can make it worse.

Something related to meltdowns is burnout, which I don't have enough knowledge on to explain but feel free to look into that!

Meltdowns, IMO, are often a response to our needs and wants being unfulfiled, attacked, ignored, or violated. When we have access to the things we need to remain properly stimulated or able to function at our baseline or be alone when we need to, etc. etc., we're much less likely to have meltdowns.

Some of us also learn to mask or shove aside our discomfort/distress as a survival mechanism, which may prevent us from having meltdowns since we're so far detached from our needs and wants and selves. In these cases, distress can be expressed in ways more associated with things like depression or anxiety (we often have depression or anxiety as a result of masking and suppressing ourselves).

As such, some of us can go a decent chunk of our lives without having meltdowns, or only having them rarely, and begin to have them once the environment around us is increasingly not conductive to our needs and wants, at which point our masking and maladaptive coping mechanisms begin to fail and meltdowns cannot be avoided.

Andd now this ask is very long and I think I got the gist down. Sorry it's so long, mental health just so happens to be my special interest so I got to infodump here basically lmao

[dezemberzwolf]

I keep thinking about this bit from a certain masterpost and it's:

“Salieri was in stature small rather than large, neither fat nor lean, of a brunette complexion, lively eyes, black hair, temperament choleric, quick tempered.” –Ignaz Franz von Mosel

Because I kinda wanna hear your thoughts about it, specifically the 'temperament choleric' and 'quick tempered' bits and how it can somehow influence FGO Salieri's Man in Grey part in some way

okay first i digress: i am not sure how i feel about the title of the masterpost, considering as a historian i am noooooot the biggest fan of trying to post-mortem diagnose people (especially because a lot of the stuff they submit as ‘im diagnosing this guy as autistic’ is like buddy, i have 90% of those traits. its why i find salieri hilariously relatable. im not autistic, im adhd, can we as like people on the internet and not historians stop trying to slap modern labels on non-modern people. i dont even like people putting specific lgbt labels on historical figures who were known to be non-cishet but without a self-chosen id) but it is otherwise interesting little tidbits :)

anyways, that particular pet peeve of mine aside:

nyahahaha i unironically love irl salieri being a crotchety bastard it makes him so delightful i want to hang out with him so bad. i think he would fit in at family card night.

i do know that a lot of both mozart and salieri in fgo were based heavily on the amadeus movie, and a few little tidbits from l’opera rock (thanks pfalz for confirming you watched that one) so i think these parts would be involved in fgo both as historical and as much as they’re involved in other takes on salieri. fgo salieri is an amalgam, intentionally, so there’s that.

the physical part of that description does also make me think of the living salieri design pfalz did, which i very much love:

lively eyes :) [me crying about how cute this salieri is]

aaaaanyways with regard to the volatile emotive state and being quick to anger, that much is pretty obvious. salieri in fgo is a perfectionist who is very quick to fly into irritation, sticking himself in endless positive feedback loops of emotion he has a hard time getting out of unless someone forces him to snap back. in lb1 he goes from manic to “oh god my music sucks and im worthless” in the span of two seconds, his ability to snap into ‘ill kill mozart’ grey man mode is split-second in oniland, and in passionlip’s interlude it’s implied that while teaching her to play piano he either got so mad he transformed or that she simply saw him as monstrous. (the last one there is kind of not entirely his fault, considering lip’s passive skill forces people to get violent with her even if they wouldn’t normally, but it does definitely imply a temper.)

grey man destabilizes his emotions heavily, and a lot of these flickers and rapid back-and-forths are in direct response to being under stress. when he’s not stressed he’s pretty even - unfortunately, he’s usually stressed. very minor things set him off, but on the other hand, a lot of what he’s worried about is his and others’ safety. salieri thinks himself directly dangerous, which could potentially be due to his knowledge of himself as volatile. i think it’s more due to his knowledge of himself as ‘a thing that brings death’ and not wanting to get anyone else caught up in his fire.

avengers as a class are extremely emotion-based. you cannot become an avenger without wanting revenge, and that in itself is a choice that is always made out of anger. avengers are driven by their emotion and their wants more than any other class, the want to destroy or to protect or to find something that is theirs. they are a class of stubborn, stubborn anger.

either way! uhm, in conclusion, since this was very stream of consciusness analysis: i do think that the implied volatility of those temperaments in irl salieri are present in fgo salieri, fgo salieri is more very deeply affected by his own depression and anxiety, he is very clearly mentally unwell and that causes him to have easily triggered episodes of anxiety or mania-depression swings rather than anger

it’s also a personal headcanon of mine that whatever salieri does feel, he does not feel it in a minor sense or on the middle end of the spectrum. he is either at a 0 or a 10 on a scale, there’s no range. when he’s upset, he’s upset. check his valentines scene, he goes from ‘casual and generally amiable’ to ‘absolutely freaking the fuck out’ in like, a sentence. quick tempered for every temperament, pinging between emotions in a way that actively exhausts him because it’s just hard to feel so much all the time.

[creacherkeeper]

Welcome to the tOH fandom!! What do you think of ADHD! Luz (and maybe Eda too!) and autistic!Amity (and maybe Lilith as well)?

thank you!! okay listen this show is so so good for ND headcanons WEIRDOS GOTTA STICK TOGETHER and im like *cries* yea 

adhd luz is great. i love it. she’s eager and never runs out of energy, strong emotions & very expressive, can definitely act immature for her age (i saw something saying she’s 14 but idk if thats canon?), has a hyperfixation on learning magic & her azura books. her inability to choose a magic track i would argue could be read as indecisiveness or decision paralysis. and sometimes her own feelings cause her to miss cues from others (like with eda, amity, & king at the carnival). even the way she has to learn magic works as a metaphor - the way other people learn doesnt work for her so she has to adapt and have accommodations (something to draw on). we also see a few instances that suggest she’s not good at reading how trustworthy people are 

im totally down for adhd eda but i think i like autistic eda better. she has unusual style (the ripped dress, big earrings, gold tooth - not to mention the times she puts on ‘human fashion’). her speaking voice is unusual too, but is often at a flat effect (absolutely not a dig at the actress i’ve had a crush on her since i was like 9). special interest in owls & weird human objects. learns differently & thinks outside the box, but is still extremely gifted as a witch, she just has to do things her own way. uneven motor skills - very powerful witch & good at sports but also like, just fumbles her staff all the time. seems to get along better with demons (king, hooty, and i’ll count owlbert here too) over other humanoids. did NOT fit in at school. has trouble connecting to and empathizing with people, often says rude things whether she means to or not. tends to show affection through gestures (training, making the cloak) over words or physical affection. does NOT understand why she should have to follow the rules (school, witchcraft, society at large) because they seem arbitrary to her 

also - not an nd headcanon and FAR from a perfect metaphor - but my chronically ill ass was just sitting there like 8O SHE HAS TO TAKE HER MEDS OR SHE’LL GO INTO A FLARE and i was just pretty excited about that 

jury is still out on lilith for me. i can see autistic lilith though. she’s got flat effect, dulled emotional expression, gifted in her craft, trouble seeing eda’s pov, seems to be low empathy, and from what we see may be fairly gullible. i need to see more screen time from her before i make it an Official Headcanon though. 100% up to hearing other peoples arguments about this 

amity is a little harder for me but here’s my headcanon (cw child abuse) 

she very well could be autistic. i didnt get a strong Vibe from her one way or the other. but her behavior, to me at least, seems to line up a lot more strongly with childhood trauma. specifically parental abuse. granted we haven’t seen much of her parents yet, but that’s the vibe i got and i’ll explain why 

amity is extremely driven and perfectionistic, but it does not seem like she’s self-motivated. it seems like she’s trying to live up to her parents high and strict expectations of her. she wants to be friends with willow, and then later luz, but she can only keep the friends her parents deem are worthy - theyre controlling of her social interactions far more than is normal. she has very low tolerance for her own mistakes, and gets extremely upset when she’s embarrassed or gets into trouble. to me that’s a thing a kid learns at home - mistakes are a big deal (and could be punished in some manner). she’s very awkward at trying to make real friends, which makes me think she doesnt have good role models & her emotional development was not prioritized. in the beginning we see her bully people and gee wonder where she learned that. when she’s training, it’s not her parents or even lilith who are training her - its her older siblings who she doesnt get along with and dont even seem to be on the same track as her? so even though expectations for her as a witch are extremely high, the actual adults are neglecting to help her 

when both lilith and eda cheat at the covention duel - amity doesn’t get upset at lilith. she gets upset at luz who is not an adult and is an easy target. lilith and eda are really the ones that embarrassed her, but she doesn’t feel she can get angry at either of them and takes out her emotions lower in the pecking order. we also see that she quit grudgby forever because she accidentally hurt her teammates - which makes me think her anxiety & guilt in general is pretty high. when she does decide luz is cool, she gets Very Attached Very Fast which can definitely be a trauma thing - here is a Safe Person i am now incredibly invested in. when they go into willow’s memories, she’ll do anything to keep luz from seeing how she hurt willow, probably because she’s afraid luz will be disappointed in her (and what? abandon her for not being perfect?) and even her parents in the memory are just shadowy figures and not real people. her biggest fear (which, yes cute gay stuff was happening) is being rejected, which makes me think besides the grom there is an actual threat of that in her life

so ALL IN ALL yes some of these things overlap with autism & i definitely wouldnt argue against an autism headcanon, but to me this just is so strongly childhood trauma stuff that i personally wouldnt hc autism until i know more 

also LITERALLY ALL THE CHARACTERS ARE ND thank you for coming to my ted talk good day 

[rs-junk-drawer]

Hey I just wanted to respond to you personally. I honestly wasnt aware of mixed origin systems being a thing. So you taught me something new. And I may just have had a different experience with the endo and DID community that you and the op of that post had. I also havent engaged recently and my experiences may be outdated, because when I was engaged I felt the hate was pretty equal on both sides. Im glad to know its discouraged as you said, thats hopeful.

And just wanted to say The questions wasnt meant as an attack I genuinely want to know how we can coexist and why there is such a rift in the two communities so your insight on the self defense against beliefs was helpful. So all in all thank you for your addition to the post.

Hi anon! Thank you so much for reaching out. Mixed origin systems are pretty common! We as a system are adaptive (all of us exist to handle external issues, but not always trauma) and identify as mixed origin, also known as polygenic & multigenic. Someone can be both traumagenic and endogenic, which puts them in a weird spot community-wise. If you wanna learn more about systems like this, check out this page!  I can definitely see how the endogenic community has changed. Notably, the (albeit very rare) usage of terms like “traumascum” have left a stain on us. I don’t doubt your experiences one bit. A lot of endogenics are simply frustrated and exhausted of being told they are not real, which can be seen as aggressive (especially from the sysmed community, which has a history of vilifying endos based on very anecdotal and specific examples). Modern-day endogenic / parogenic friendly spaces are genuinely really kind, and can be a lot more welcoming to traumagenic systems than exclusively DID/OSDD-1 ones. (This is for many reasons: no “trauma requirement” attitudes or “you’re not traumatized enough” is a big one.)  I mean... We were anti-endo, for quite a while. Back when we were questioning our multiplicity, all we wanted to do was be accepted and were drawn to medically-driven spaces. It felt nice to have a Big Book Of Knowledge say “you are valid”. We clung to those definitions and quietly fumed at the idea of folks “faking” it: we were suffering, and we hated to see people who claimed similar experiences having no problems or trauma at all. It took years of unlearning anti-endo propaganda to be where we are now. Between things like “fuck endos!” being programmed into bots for systems, being told all endos were teenagers wanting to be trendy in the wake of Split & DIDtube becoming popular, “cringe” content of AMAB parogenic systems with MLP headmates (which plays on a lot of autistic stereotypes and shit, which is even worse), etc, it was hard not to be suspicious of endogenics. I don’t blame you for not knowing how to heal the rift. It’s a question we all have. The best solution is just listening, and we appreciate wholeheartedly that we can all listen to each other.  @merrilymultiple - Andy :)