#im experimenting w style in general rn

[amysubmits]

Hi Amy! I just found your blog and really wanted to talk to you if you've got time but I got nervous so here's an anon. So I'm in my very early twenties and in the last few years have been really interested and taken by the idea of d/s dynamics. I don't have a boyfriend and am not really comfortable signing up to any sites so that's not really the issue. But as I'm going on dates and stuff I do find myself looking for that character that would resemble a dominant guy. I didn't realize it but I am attracted to that energy. What I'm concerned about though is the reason...for that attraction. So I'm in drama school but we can't really afford it so I have 2 part time jobs rn. One is this modeling agency that sometimes gets me by. It doest do much in my country but once a month a few hundred if im lucky, do come in handy. The issue is that the people I'm around and the environment is very toxic. Not just in a photoshoot but mainly. I've had to shut my mouth and smile and "submit" to guys just to remain part of the project. I don't feel comfortable doing more provocative stuff so that's been an issue and my manager keeps pressuring me about it at every opportunity. The relationship w him is weird he's a nice guy in general but sometimes he's too pushy. I also had a bf in the past (the only one) we were together briefly but he ordered me around a lot, and we never talked ab any of this but he was very strict with what I wore ect. What I'm trying to say is, I've had very traumatic experiences w all these people and am really worried whether the dynamic between us pushed me to want it? Like if my desires are somehow influenced by my trauma? Have you had similar concerns? How did you realize this is what you wanted and that it is not a response to something? I hope you're comfortable answering, but if not thank you for what you're doing your page has been really informative and I've learnt a lot xxxxx

Hi there!

I would be happy for you to message me if you decide you feel comfortable at any point, but anons are okay too! It's a big part of why I leave them on, for people who feel comfortable sending asks but not asking questions or whatever on DM. :)

This worry you're sharing about wondering if your desire to be a sub or be submissive comes from your trauma is something that I think a ton of subs have considered or worried about at some point. You'll definitely get a different answer to these questions if you ask other people. In my view, this is one of those areas where the 'right' answer can vary from person to person. So, this is just my take of course.

I am trying to avoid writing an extremely long post, so if you want or need me to elaborate feel free to follow up. But in a nutshell...I think most people have "little t trauma" from childhood that caused them to adapt to try to find connection and feel safe (physically or emotionally) and loved from a SUPER young age, to the point where it's challenging to know what it even would mean for a lot of us to say X is me, but Y is my trauma. Like 50% of the population has an insecure attachment style, and that primarily develops in the first year of our lives. So then we're still babies but we're already trying to change our own behavior to feel connected to our mother or our primary care giver. When that's the case...I think it's really, really tough to know who or what you would have been without the trauma as it's baked into your personality and coping methods SO early that we can't remember anything else. And so...I guess my goal has been to try to do a combination of accepting myself while also looking as honestly as I can at who/how I am now and look to change anything that I want to change or think needs improved. And with that in mind...I couldn't begin to tell you if I'd be a sub sexually or personality wise if I didn't have trauma. I just think that's an impossible question to try to figure out. Instead, I try to look at whether what I crave is healthy. If what I want to do is healthy for me, then it's okay if it IS based in trauma. I mean, plenty of things can be caused by trauma but still be really good things. For example, I feel pretty confident that the reason I seek healthy, safe feeling communication with my partner is because I grew up with lots of yelling and conflict and meanness. But I think that desire to have healthy, loving, safe communication is a good thing so I don't feel the need to reject that desire I have, as it's good, regardless of the cause being 'negative' or sad. I've come to the conclusion that D/s and BDSM can be healthy things for me. That isn't to say that I think I could do anything I wanted and call it D/s or BDSM and have it be healthy. But I think that a lot of what I desire sexually and within my relationship is healthy, and I embrace those things. And when I find myself craving something that is less healthy, I try to avoid embracing those ideas, or avoid acting out those fantasies, or resist those behaviors. For me, one thing I have to fight against is the instinct to be extremely passive. Passive feels safe to me because of my trauma, and I can sometimes incorrectly convince myself that I am being a good sub by being passive. That isn't always true, so I have to really keep an eye on any passivity and make sure that I am truly submitting from a place of desire and choice, and not from a place of it 'feeling good' because my brain is telling me that inactivity to appease others is safe and familiar. We try to regularly re-look at the things we do and ask ourselves again if all the details of how we're managing our D/s and BDSM are healthy for both of us. We try to ask if we're reinforcing healthy ideas or unhealthy ideas. Sometimes it changes over time and we have to adjust.

With you being new and young, I'd also suggest that you try to be extremely careful with what you learn about D/s and BDSM, and triple check that it's healthy. Some people will claim that literally anything done in the name of kink is healthy as long as it's consensual. I think that is a really wild viewpoint, personally. I think consent is really the absolute bare minimum, but a lot of people will consent to things that are harmful to them emotionally, and I think that is unhealthy. Of course, what is unhealthy is extremely opinion based, and I think it also can vary a lot from person to person...something could be unhealthy for me to consent to but perfectly healthy for you to consent to if we have different life experiences, different traumas, etc. At a really basic level I'd suggest looking really closely at whether D/s and BDSM make you feel good in terms of things like...confident, loved, empowered, authentic, loved, safe, secure, etc - or if it feels outright bad, or 'good' but only in the sense that feeling bad feels somewhat good to you (this is true for some with trauma), or if it makes you feel small, inferior, used, scared, insecure, etc. And then also if/when you get into a D/s relationship look at whether the things you try seem to be inspiring positive changes and growth, or negative patterns. Maybe at first you happily agree to let your dom decide whether or when to cut your hair, but over time you realize that you feel less 'yourself' when you can't control your own hairstyle fully. If that becomes the case, then in my opinion, it would be healthier to go back to deciding your own hair.

Sorry this is so long. I hope it's helpful in some way. Good luck to you, please continue to look out for yourself! It can be a scary world out there for young subs. It sounds like you're doing a good job of trying to look out for yourself though...even in wanting to figure out what your answer to the questions you sent in this ask are. So, good work. :)

[quinnonimp]

two things. one, your art is absolutely wonderful. i love the warm tones and style. two. got any like. weird art tips. like just weird things you do that work really well. or just art tips in general lol. there's something bout your style that makes me go ':D' lmao

aaaaaa tysm !!!! very glad u like my style <33 means a lot

and yeah id say i have quite a few with the way im very experimental n passionate abt art !

>> i think my weirdest one is rly just the main way i render tbh ? like, as u can pretty easily see with my main art style is that its all very crunchy n pixelated, n thats all cause i have anti-aliasing off for my brush . i render in a pretty unorthodox way but it makes things so so so much easier and more fun for me, even if its more time consuming for several reasons

heres a little bit of an infographic ive whipped up that hopefully u can get smth out of lmao . its 6am ive been up all night drawing as usual so im having a lot of trouble doing things properly sorry sorry

and the funny thing is this is aaaaaaaaall just cause i hate blending and am scared of committing to things (esp colors) so i just decided "okay whatever im gonna be goofy and just make it all pixelated idc anymore" and it worked !! (thanks homestuck) art is sm more enjoyable since i started doing this as it fits perfectly with the way my brain works and its helped me sm with getting better at colors bc of the way i have to do every single color manually (for several reasons like how i have to keep track of every color ((which makes me recycle them a lot more making things look more united)), gradients r the most fun to do but i have to make sure all the colors "blend" together nicely, i get to change them super easily, etc etc)

however these days i HAVE been trying to get back into working with anti-aliased brushes just to get out of my comfort zone n such, but tbh the only thing its helped me with is remind me how much more fun drawing aliased is and how absolutely dogshit i am at blending FDJHJKDF

also it makes me better at minecraft skins since im so used to working with pixels !

>> another little weird thing i have that honestly just goes against basic art rules is experiment by having ur values be as close together as possible without losing contrast . this is horrible as a tip, but fun as an experiment, and for me its just fun since i already know pretty well how values work and have enough experience to break the "rules" - because lot of times good shading colors r actually lighter than the original when put under b&w

so if ur like me i would recommend trying it out ! if u dont even know what values are then this ISNT good for u, do values properly as they really help

>> if u struggle a lot with side profiles, just learn from the gorillaz demon days album art . like literally im not joking that is THE thing that made me learn to draw side profiles and id say im pretty good at them now (however the effectiveness of this probably depends on the style)

and by learn from it i mean u can just trace it with any other characters, or study it, or reference it, yadaydayada . just do wahtever with it, damon albarn dgaf

obviously this isnt gonna magically make u great at side profiles but if u want a fun art challenge or ur a big gorillaz fan like me, it could get u kickstarted !!!! especially if ur doing it with ocs or characters u like that are in a band or something

ok thats all the tips ill be giving out tonight im a little sickly victorian child rn

hope it helped . uhm . bye

[startold-a]

name : Batzy

nickname/s : N/A

pronouns : they/them

preference of communication : I prefer to chat with someone in IMs before giving out my discord.

most active muse :Uhhh, I do hop around a bit on blogs, but rn it's mostly Widow, Jones, and Enid on here.

experience / how many years : Tumblr specifically? About three years. But I've been rping via discord and other chatting apps longer.

platforms you use : I used to use Facebook Messenger, rping oc stuff w my friend. I use Discord and Tumblr now. I did Twitter for a grand total of about three days, but it wasn't my thing.

best experience : I've met some wonderful people( shoutout to you, Reju and Shrimpy ) that have become not just writing partners but people I consider friends. I've had a rough few years mentally, but they've reminded me why I love rp so much. It's about connecting over characters you love and creating something fun together, and I fucking love that. I'm just now getting back in the swing of writing on tumblr, and it's so much fun to be reminded of why I love it.

rp pet peeves : Cliques, elitism ( esp in regards to graphic styles, icons, excessive reply formatting to the point it can be inaccessible), dragging duplicates on the dash, not listening when someone says no to a plot, stringing people along in regards to writing with them

fluff , angst , or smut : I enjoy all three, though I'm very picky about writing smut and I generally won't write it with someone I don't know well. I get embarrassed ghjkdfgh.

long or short replies : Both. I like to mix it up a little, especially bc my brain power fluctuates. I enjoy little goofy one or two liners, but I also love the more in depth plotted threads that explore a muse. It's about balance for me.

best time to write : I've found it's evenings for me.

are you like your muse/s : Eh, there are a few I'm similar to, but for the most part, they're different from me. I like exploring things that are different than me in my muses, and I find I enjoy the challenge as a writer. Funnily enough, it's the muses most different from me that I find are strongest.

tagged by: yoinked from @woedensdag

tagging: you!

[vhvrs]

finished my rewatch of the series... the finale did NOT need to hit that hard

[marsoid]

Hi, I love your work!

I have read almost everything I find online made by you.

I really love Long Exposure, I will have read it I don't know how many times. I love your style so decisive and descriptive.

If you allow me I have some questions from artist to artist. if you had to describe your drawing style or styles similar to yours with one word what would you call it? I have been drawing for 6 years now, I have a semi-realistic style, but I would like to imprint myself more on a style that I define as "cartoon" or "stylized" like yours. How would you recommend that I start approaching a less realistic style? what helped you in the beginning?

TYVM

oh god the style question.. i never know how to answer the style question because i am a believer in the idea that your style is both something that happens naturally AND something you have to deliberately formulate

maybe it's two separate things (im making this up as i go) (aka take w grain of salt) like maybe your "art style" and "artist trademarks" are intertwined but also kind of 2 different things. for the sake of explanation let's assume "art style" is how you deliberately choose to draw, and "artist trademarks" are things unique to your art that you didn't choose to incorporate but make your art YOURS

there's no way for me to explain how or why my "artistic trademarks" are the way they are because they come from my lived experiences or whatever. that's why everyone's art is technically unique even if you're purposely trying to copy someone else's

as for "art style"... i guess mine changed the most in my brief time at art school. my art went from what i would have described as kinda... ATLA/LOK inspired? and then i took a costumed figure drawing class where the point was to stylize/exaggerate the shit out of the figure you're studying. which was cool bc it was the exact opposite of what i had been taught previously, which was "copy figure exactly how u see it"

i also learned that having a "cool style" meant jack shit if your artistic skillset wasn't very strong yet. i think stylized art done well is harder to achieve than photo realism and takes more skill. controversial opinion that u dont have to agree w i dont care but im just trying to say that if you dont like your art rn, the answer might be Get Good and not Change Art Style (i mean this generally speaking too not Just You idk what ur art looks like)....... like personally i feel like my art style hasn't changed too much over the years, i've just improved as an artist (hopefully LMAO) so what you might like abt my art might be less the style and more the fact that i am consciously making an effort to improve by studying. and i still got a longgg way to go because there is no end point, we gonna be studying and ideally improving forever

um so i guess to actually answer ur question "how do i stylize my art" maybe find a photo and exaggerate stuff and try diff things until it makes u go "oh hell yea"

[cdmodule]

winner for le hc thing ? hi

(From this post)

THIS FUCKING GIF IS KILLING ME. ANYWAY YOURE UNLEASHING DEMONS Sexuality Headcanon: Literally look me in the eyes rn. And take a wild guess (they're gay and very flamingly so) Gender Headcanon: Nonbinary & very flamboyant about it. They used to experiment a lot when younger but mostly when It comes to gender expression, I see them as identifying as genderless basically Ever A ship I have with said character: Good lord. Winnerclock makes me insane you don't understand the POTENTIAL these two have. Winner came out of their friendship/relationship with Loser and left an entire carreer behind and It seems like they don't like being reminded of it, meanwhile Clock doesn't seem to fully.. get that yet or needs to be further hammered in his head that Winner has boundaries and he's kind of . Very Fail. But Winner is a little fail too cuz I need them to be like Hey Man . Can you not do that. THEY NEED TO TALK IT OUT. BUT I THINK WINNER DESERVES ANOTHER CHANCE W SOMEONE WHOS RIGHT FOR THEM (I need you to know "Who treats you right" by Pansy Division just started playing I feel insane) AND CARES and they're both people who've been forgotten before (Clock's entire team forgot abt him). I don't think Clock JUST likes em cuz they're famous cuz like.. why else would he remember them when no one else does. Once that idol x fan barrier is broken down I feel like they could really come closer to each other and leave past things behind. I feel like Im pointing at a whiteboard rn like an insane lunatic just listen to me man. Also Clock is gay as hell you can't ignroe that A BROTP I have with said character: I do not have BROTPS/NOTPS with them So lemme tell u about some other ships I have Winner x Loser: h . H Nate. Do I even need to tell you. I am pointing at the goikytown docs rn I CANT EVEN SAY MUCH THAT ISNT SAVED FOR GOIKYTOWN BUT LIKE YKNOW. THEYRE SO DIVORCECORE Plus Im such a SUCKER for bandmates (Since I hc them as such) They make out sloppy style after performances Winner x Spongy / Winner x Loser x Spongy: Sooo yeah if Winner x Loser isn't enough, they're in a polycule with Spongy - Remember how Loser called Spongy old pal when he was eliminated again? They're buddies. They were bandmates. I think these two are super cute with each other even If they never interacted JUST THINK ABOUT IT. They're both kind & caring and good for each other Winner x Snowball: Heh. Okay I don't think about these two toooo much but the idea of Snowball seeing another Strong Fella and then having a gay moment over it is very fun I kinda love it LOL A random headcanon: Winner grew up with Funk & Soul music in their Bones... Also I think early in their childhood they were rly fond of 1920s-30s ballroom music, they were a bit of an Old Soul. Semi related, but I think they're a huge 70s enjoyer, esp when It comes to music and fashion General Opinion over said character: WHAT DO YOU THINK. LOL I LOVE THEM TO BITS <3 They grew on me over time once I got ideas for them for goikytown and since Ive always been very fond of fictional Bands I basically got Sooo many ideas for young Winner and sculpted my own Beast and got to think of how it went down the line and now... and everything they did with Loser too. And then clock when July Last Year hit . But ofc I love the original Winner too DUH!! THEYRE SUCH A LITTLE SWEETHEART How could I not... also that accent HHOOOOO BABY (normal) (Im Normal) But Ya this post alone doesnt even scratch the SURFACE of how much I think abt them they're like an OC at this point. Godspeed

[excaliburofficial]

OMG I SAW UR NAIGUS HEADCANONS AND THEY MADE MY SEROTONIN LEVELS GO OFF THE WALLS GRGRG DO U HAVE ANY HEADCANONS FOR KILIK RUNG?

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I GOT YOU FAM I GOT YOU

Thank you for the ask!! I'm glad my Naigus headcanons facts striaght from Okubo's email made you happy! :)

Kilik is honestly also a super cool character that needs more love I feel????? He just gives me such wholesome vibes idek so I'm really happy to be doing these since he's such a stand up dude tbh

Headcanons I have about Kilik Rung

He's a really rational thinker and obv very very competent but his real strength is his resolve

He has a very strong personal moral code and will always stand by and do what he thinks is right. A lot of integrity from Kilik!!

He's a very dependable person and an all around good friend. He's pretty emotionally intelligent person who says what he means and gives good advice and is very loyal to the people he cares about the most

What some might think is being hot headed is just a result of his passion and drive. He isnt really reckless or arrogant or anything, he just gets overwhelmed with his determination and passion in the heat of the moment

He doesnt really like ambiguity much and is a problem solver

He really liked things like Karate Kid and DBZ growing up and a lot of the lessons and messages really stuck with him

Got really involved in like combat sports like martial arts and wrestling pretty young because of how much the idea of personal strength in those movies/shows really meant to him

Hes very focused in general in personal growth both with physical capabilities and with his interpersonal relationships

He's absolutely the type to lift up the other people around him so they can be their best selves

He was interested in going to the DWMA largely because it seemed like a good fit for his lifelong interests and skills and goals and HE WAS RIGHT

But tbh he was actually a little hesitant specifically because he didn't think he could find a weapon partner that matched his more close/direct preference from his sport experience and karate movie influence but in the end decided to go ahead and try

After all he could learn to use a weapon pretty quickly if he needed to and who would pass up the chance to be a meister? Esp when he has the passion for it already?? Not Kilik no way cause he knows what he wants and will get it

Enter Fire and Thunder who were worried about finding a meister who would think about using a hand to hand combat style cause they kinda require it

And because Kilik is in general just this down to earth and intelligent (esp socially) person matching wavelengths with both of them wasn't really an issue

He's pretty popular at DWMA and will talk to just about everyone he sees like he's known them forever

He became such good friends w Ox because he saw that Ox was just kind of this super serious guy and was like "hmmm he could probably benefit from lightening up some"

And as it turns out they actually had a lot in common esp when we're talking about self improvement even if they have different approaches to that

He actually really respects Ox as his peer and they do a lot to lift eachother up, in fact Ox is probably one of the people he respects the most

Plus both of them having thunder attacks helps them bond haha

Is generally just a stand up guy overall who puts effort into everything he does

Outside of combat/DWMA stuff he's really into music! He has a wide variety of stuff that he listens to and has made a ton of different playlists for friends and different occasions

Idk if I necessarily think he's aroace but when we see him in the series I get the feeling that he's def more focused on his friendships and personal goals than romance or anything which like good for him

Really likes filling foods with complex carbs like pasta and baked potatoes but isn't a picky eater like at all which I might just say bc im hungry and could really go for a baked potato or noodles rn but ssssshh

Has at least 1 teddy bear that he's has since he was a baby and will never get rid of and still has his baby blanket

Probably really loves his grandma. Idk anything about his grandma except that he loves her a lot

Very proud of what he's been able to do WHICH HE SHOULD BE YOU GO KILIK and is excited to be able to do more and see what he and his peers are capable of

[prettyboykatsuki]

Hey!! So i wanted to ask all the people i think are good at writing these question i have. Im pretty sure you've definitely gotten these question before but how do you write smut?

Like i love writing romance fics and stuff like that and i always want to add smut (when i think its necessary) but im honestly pretty bad at writing it. Like i try but i feel like the smut i write in my fics are nothing special. Not trying to but myself down or anything, but its definitely something i can't do very well.

So if its not to much to ask could you give me any pointers? Also maybe explain how you get into the mindset to write smut? Im on my needs so can you please help? 🧎🏾‍♀️🙏🏾

Sorry this was long 😅

tbh there are so many better smut writers than me on this app im honored u think to ask me. it's not rlly my forte imo like at all but i have been asked b4 so i will reply w what i think is the best advice i can give

1. writing smut is pretty much exactly writing a good action scene. when you write a scene about something physical and you only write using the physical details - things will get boring very quickly.

i.e. when you write two people having sex - it's very easy to just be like. "he kissed her. they laid down. he put it inside"

just like how an action scene would be boring if you only described the moves in basic words "he punched him. he threw a punch back" etc.

so you have to focus on the details. if you're writing smut - write out the details. if they're kissing - how do they kiss? is it soft, slow, deep? do their lips taste like anything? how do they put their hands on their partners body and how does the partner feel about that?

if you feel like a specific part is getting too boring or you can't figure it out - trying to set an ambiance and how the smut would reflect that. maybe your characters

im gonna use a fic that's on ao3 that i wrote a while ago as an example - i think it's my best smut fic to date and sets good example of what im talking about. it's kiribaku! in this fic, i rlly wanted to capture how kirishima takes care of bakugou so i made him very gentle with bakugou. soft and loving through all of his actions etc.

a lot of smut and why it's hard to write imo is learning to set the mood but if you have a mood and try to focus your characters actions to fit that - you should be all good!

2. read, read, read!

all writers, artists, and creatives in general - study the works of the greats to improve. this is not telling you plagarize but read your favorite authors smut and really think about what you like about it

maybe it's their word choice, maybe it's their flow, maybe it's how they use imagery and metaphor - whatever it is, try and figure what makes their work so good in your opinion.

and then, adapt it to your own style. don't outright copy but borrow and change. kinda like how deku makes allmights quirk his own lol. and think about how you can change that to fit your narrative voice and work. i also highly recommend borrowing from authors who are NOT involved in the fandom you write for bc i think you get more experience that way.

and don't be afraid to look things up either! - as a sidenote. sometimes i will just like.. straight up watch p*rn when i write a scene and want to see how it looks and plays out. ill do poses or make faces in my room to see how to describe it. don't be shy! it's normal, tons of authors do it.

BEST OF LUCK 2 U!!!

[tangerinegod]

Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you! 

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D. 

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job! 

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy! 

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work. 

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer.. 

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.  

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus! 

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

[eulaties]

final thoughts about unlucky mansion !!! <3

spoilers under the cut! read at your own risk :)

DSJKGHDFSKJG THAT WAS LITERALLY SO GOOD I LOVE UNLUCKY MANSION SO FUCKING MUCH!!! i loved the open-ended ending that was  basically “life will go on, and we’ll be happy as long as we’re together” and i just 💘💖💗💓💝💞 im so happy that eun joo and woo jin esp can finally move onto the next chapter in their lives, together, with each other at their sides :)

let me touch on a few topics:

1. chae min going to australia and finding her own happiness after having sung woo help her realize how to do that :) man i just love her character and she literally deserves this. also lmao the fact that she got a crush on sung woo and said alright i am going 2 leave to an entirely different country now peace out

now that i’m rereading unlucky mansion (ik i just finished it but it cant be helped) i realize just how cynical and self-destructive chae min used to be. im really happy for her and her decision to finally let herself be happy :)

“it looks like happiness is a really heavy thing to you, noona. but happiness is just when you eat good food, when you see a movie you like for the third time...or maybe when you’re walking down the street and get excited by a song that you can hear from a nearby store. it’s not something that heavy. happiness is becoming happy when you want to. if you’re ready to receive it, you can become happy at any time.” -sung woo, ch. 68

2. NO THOUGHTS ONLY EUN JOO AND WOO JIN...LOVE THEM BOTH THEY’RE SO LUCKY TO HAVE EACH OTHER I AHDSJFHDGH <333

“it’s not winning against despair and fear, but rather sitting down together and sharing like you’re at a meal. once you share, hope will emerge and the problem will be solved...well, what i’m trying to say is don’t keep everything in and suffer by yourself.” -eun joo, ch. 20

“you portrayed forgetting your family and living as a bad thing in there, but to be honest, we’re not a hero like odysseus—we’re just normal people. as normal people get close and obsessed with each other, they’ll suffer. even if you became a bit of a bad person...it’s more important for you to forget the sad memories and become happy from further away. you have to be happy.” -eun joo, ch. 70

“even though we love words that dash for the conclusion like electrons, because we can’t properly see the ending for our story...because we continued to wander and seek out our own paths to get here—we could understand each other’s scars, and have no choice but to love each other.” -woo jin, ch. 70 

3. EUN JOO BEING SUCCESSFUL! i love that for her! especially bc i also wanna be a (potential!) fashion designer one day it was just so fucking cool to see her at work and in her element. man im just so happy for her and she’s come a long way, especially from the beginning of the story. also her personality and style is just kickass

4. WOO JIN RECONCILING WITH HIS BROTHER AND MOVING ON!! loved this. everything was executed perfectly. it was super emotional at points, and i really felt the despair :( but in the end, his brother’s surgery went well, and woo jin learned how to live his own life without feeling any unnecessary guilt over things he had no control over and i just :) also that acceptance speech was just so badass!!! what a king !! also love his hello kitty collection it’s very admirable

5. kwon hi and kwon joon <3 my favorite orange twins hehe. i feel sad that kwon joon broke up with his girlfriend and he failed his singing audition, but ig it’s just life i suppose T_T wishing him more success in the future! and i also just love their sibling dynamic in general :)

6. i really love the art. it’s just so fitting for the story, and the way panels are drawn, and the color palettes used, it’s just *chefs kiss* so beautiful!! so much art appreciation <3

7. the writing, plot, and story were phenomenal. i love how it turned a basic, typical trope (living together with roommates) and turned it into something compelling, complex, and interesting to read about. all of the character dynamics and interactions were just so fun to read about, and literally everyone had chemistry w each other in unlucky mansion (by which i mostly mean platonic chemistry, except for woo jin and eun joo they had hella romantic chemistry lmfao). the author also touched on some deep topics that really resonated with me, and the conflicts that the characters faced were super relatable and things i could empathize with. plus, the humor and expressions the characters made were top notch! the emotional scenes were so heart wrenching too haha ;; overall, there was a great mix of emotional and comical scenes and the writing of the relationship & character developments were super organic and...human. 

8. i wish we saw a eun joo and woo jin wedding but it’s okay the last panel of them together is good enough T_T

i can rest easy now...im so glad that i finally got to read season 3 of unlucky mansion!! (even though i had to read raws and the english translation on mystic’s tumblr at the same time - which, by the way, was an Experience and honestly kinda fun. it spiced things up)

i know im going to be rereading this manhwa for years to come, and im honestly surprised that i havent read this sooner - but im glad i read it now and the memories that came with reading it will be happy and heartfelt. 

(i literally feel so much serotonin rn im smiling so much)

alright, peace out! that’s all for today, folks 😊

- sonia 🌸

[crowsent]

👶,⭐,💘, and💻. Love you!!

thank you for ask anon! writer ask game is here if yall wanna send in something. still taking asks for these btw

👶- advice for new writers =

yall this is hella fucking generic but PRACTISE. theres a reason almost literally every writer on tumblr gives the advise of “practise practise practise” and that reason is it works. practise doesnt mean ‘oh just write bc youll automatically get better over time’ it means ‘write bc if you dont, you wont figure out what you need to improve.’ did yall know that i literally had no sentence variation in the past? i started every sentence with [character name] or [character pronoun] and i didnt realise until i was 15/16 and i only realised bc i started writing a lot.

i think there’s a fear of failure with new writers. there’s this lingering doubt of  “what if its not good?” and boy howdy i will answer that question right fucking now. it wont be good. when i compare my current work to my earlier work, my earlier work sucked fucking shit. i spelled soldier with a fucking ‘j’ and i had no idea what the hell a point of view was. and thats okay. whoever tells you that youre going to perfect writing is a fucking liar. there is no perfecting writing. 20 years from now, imma look at the writing from today and im gonna think it sucks shit. writing is a process. its a craft. you get better and better over time and the way you get better is by experimenting w different styles, different genres, different ways of writing.

and the only way you can experiment and improve is through practise. in video games, especially rpgs (which are my favourite kind of video games), you struggle in the early game. youre at a low level, you dont have good equipment, you have a hard time moving to the next area. but the only way you progress is by grinding, gaining levels, and getting stronger. same w writing. if youre a level 1 writer, just starting out, no idea what to do, just experiment. fuck around a bit. write crackships, write rarepairs, write niche self-indulgent reader/character fics. at the end of the day, you should write for yourself. its good and cool if other people like your stuff and validate all your hard work, but at the end of the day, the one who should enjoy your writing the most is yourself.

you WILL mess up and you WILL struggle, but thats the only way you can improve. i struggle with pacing the most. still do. but others might have pacing down pat and struggle instead with word choice or pov or something else. cant figure out where you need to improve if you dont write, so just practise and worry about all the fine print later

⭐️- how do you get your inspiration? =

this is definitely not universal, but i just sit on my bed, close my eyes, and meditate. cycle through all my emotions and thoughts and filter them out. then i just toss everything out the damn window. like. id just meditate for a while, focus on breathing, on experiencing the present, picture a field and a tree and myself and breathe. thoughts fly by and i let them happen but dont focus on it.

meditating gives me some semblance of emotional control bc i normally have none, and it gives me kind of this space. this safe space that only exists for me and me alone. so i use that space to let the world drift away. just me and my thoughts and sometimes, those thoughts end up being good writing ideas. but i usually meditate for a set amount of time. like 15 minutes or 30 minutes so i dont write until i finish meditating.

then when i get out of my headspace, i open up my laptop and see what i remember. thinking too hard about something causes it to muddy up. same with art. in digital art, artists flip the canvas to refresh their eyes, see if there’s anything weird or wonky about the illustration that they normally dont see bc theyve gotten used to it. flipping the canvas is like giving our eyes a jumpstart and lets us see what we could do better. in traditional art, its turning the canvas this way and that or repositioning yourself. meditating is like that. a break. a cleanse. a kind of pause where you dont think about anything and just try to process what you already have. you relax and kind of let yourself float down a river of thoughts and sometimes, a fish would jump out of that river and youd go “hey, thats a good idea. i should try that” so when you get out of the river, youre refreshed and ready to go.

same principle with showers. more ideas come to you in the shower when you dont have anything to write with bc youre not thinking about it. youre not focusing on finding inspiration or motivation so ideas naturally flow through you. you know that feeling when you want to do x then someone comes along and says “hey you should do x” and suddenly all motivation to do x leaves? same w your brain. focus too much on “i should be writing” or “i want inspiration” and its never gonna come. just let things happen. at least, thats how i do it. some people might get inspiration by reading or watching tv. everyones different so if thats not what works out for you, dont feel pressured to try my method

💘- what’s your favorite AU? Least favorite? =

magic au. specifically fantasy au set in like a pre-modern era. shows like avatar where theres all this magic and fantastical beasts and so on and so forth. semi-modern like six of crows and nevernight are great too. i want that magic to be woven into people’s lives. harry potter is okay but there’s like this separation between magic and muggle. there’s this feeling of “magic” but like as a tool. like a spoon or a gun or a shovel. i want magic au’s that are INTEGRATED with the world its set in.

like in atla, earth kingdom people have trains they move with bending while fire nation people have machines powered by heat and steam. both correspond to their bending and makes sense for the world they live in. but if your plot is like harry potter and its less worldbuilding and more action, then there’s this book series called seasons rising (read it. so good) where there’s a bunch of spells but the spells have character. the people using the spells GIVE it character and it feels much more intimate. pokemon does the whole fantasy mixed w reality better. give two trainers the exact same pokemon and by the time that pokemon reaches lvl 50, its gonna have a different moveset, different fight style, etc bc it was shaped by the world and people around it. i like harry potter but tbh it could have been so much better

for the least favourite au, it’s A/B/O i dont like the whole “omegas are only good for breeding hurr durr” and “alphas are violent and aggressive and cant control themselves around omegas” thing and it squicks me out. major squick. i read the original harry potter squick (THAT one. yeah. you know the one) and i still hate a/b/o more. i get why people like it, and there are one or two fics set in a/b/o au that i enjoy reading, but as a whole, i severely dislike a/b/o fics.

the themes are squick, the character dynamics get so messed up, and shipping dynamics (bc a/b/o fics usually have shipping) just get so blown out of proportion. there are so many a/b/o fics that turn ooc or the character interpretations radically change or something else. no hate against a/b/o fans bc yall are amazing for writing/drawing yalls au. there are things that you can only do in this setting and exploring those things can be incredibly fun for people, but for me personally, its not an au i like to visit.

💻- three works of yours that are must reads =

i. dont know what fandom youre in anon or your genre preferences. so ill just rec you one fic for a different fandom each with kind of different genres. ts masterlist is on my side @hufflepuff-deceit and regular fanfic masterlist is on my writing blog @crownonymous 

(BNHA) Viper. its my first serious attempt at fanfic in YEARS and its my baby. currently has 7 chapters, i havent updated it in a while bc im hyperfocused on ts rn, but i love it to bits. its just all of my fav bnha fics crammed into one fic. quirkless kind of villain izuku with stain as a mentor as they work together to bring light to the injustices of hero society and where bakugos bullying has visible and long-lasting repercussions? sign me the fuck up. you can read it on ao3 HERE bc its not on tumblr. kind of fast-paced, has a lot more action scenes than anything else ive written. heavy plot-wise but has a lot of humour and comedy to break things up

(Kimetsu no Yaiba) I Pray To God He Hears You. not related to my other kny fic oleander which is a multichap retelling au. iptghhy is a standalone one-shot and kind of a character study on one giyuu tomioka. i love him so much. giyuu is my baby and i adore him. so of course i wrote a sad fic focusing on him. well technically, the fic focuses on giyuu AND his relationships.  SPOILERS for chapters 130 and 131 of the manga. focuses mostly on giyuu and sabito, but there’s a fair bit of giyuu and tanjiro and urokodaki.  you can read it HERE bc this is also not on tumblr. also deals with heavy things but more emotion-wise since it doesnt have that much of a plot. loss. grief. moving on. survivors guilt. that kind of stuff.  very sad. hurt but with comfort, especially at the end.

(Sanders Sides) Logan’s Birthday Fic: Logicality. just what the title says. i wrote 5 different fics and published them all on logans bday but the logicality one received the most feedback and honestly? the cutest of the bunch. its gonna be crossposted onto ao3 but for now, you can read it HERE on my ts sideblog. theres no plot since its literally just domestic and relationship fluff. and puns. patton is in the fic, theres gonna be puns. nothing but good things and warm feelings bc logan deserves it.

-

thank you so much for such interesting asks anon! i enjoyed answering these. have a lovely day!

[patchdotexe]

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

[dcathwithoutglory-blog]

it’s jay. again. my browser just crashed. so i’m just gonna copy and paste my old intro. there’s no time to try and make it better. rip !

⌊ priyanka chopra, cis woman, antigone ⌉ ⏀ have you spoken to ALEXANDRA “ALEXA” MEHRA recently? the THIRTY-FOUR year old who’s been in seneca for SEVEN YEARS or so? either way, they always seem to remind me of FLOWERS PLACED ON A GRAVE, A RUSTY COMPASS, STORMS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT whenever i see them on main street. on a good day they’re pretty MORALISTIC, but they can also be RESISTANT. ⌊ jay, 19. est, she/her ⌉

the story of antigone that y’all probs already know but jic.

triggers: brief implication of incest but like wbk, brief mention of suicide, death, creon bein a bitch

brief overview of antigone (character + eponymous story):

antigone was born to oedipus and jocasta.

we all know what happened there. after that, oedipus was like “see no evil feel no evil” and jocasta yeet’d out of living.

her brothers went to war against each other. when creon ascended to the throne, he allowed burial for eteocles with honors, but was like “lmao if u bury polyneices i will kill u”

but antigone was like ‘lmao SURE JAN’ and tried to convince ismene, her sister, to help her bury polyneices. ismene was like ‘ok that’s a rly bad idea like good luck but count me out tbh.’

antigone is rly bad at digging graves tho so polyneices’s body was found and creon was like ‘oh my GOD’ and she’s like ‘fuck the government viva la morality!’

then creon was like ‘ok anyway rmr when i said u wld die if u buried polyneices so ig now u have to be buried alive in a tomb’ then antigone was like ‘actually i’ll be hanging myself before u can do fuck the government’

then he was like ‘at least u’ll be dead! oh wait -

Y’ALL GO SAVE EVERYONE’ but then it was too late

antigone and his son had both killed themselves and everyone, including himself, were just like

“get WREKT creon!!!!!”

alexa ( play despacito ).

triggers: suicide (x2), death (x3), mental illness implications, war, brief mentions of torture and murder

ok now onto alexandra ! so, like i did for valda, i looked up names that shared the same meaning as ‘antigone’ (which essentially means “against”) and one of the suggestions was alexa but i also wanted it to sound. super valiant. but at the same time. i wanted it to be something that could have a conversational nickname. so im already hc’ing that she has ‘despacito’ saved on her phone. also alexandra is my middle name so like?? stan list?? OK ANYWAY.

alright, so alexandra was born to a very upper-class family. her father was a politician and her mother was a successful lawyer. they provided well for the perfect nuclear family –– two sons, two daughters, a golden retriever, two cats in the yard life used to be so hard now everything is easy cause of-

like... her early life, say birth to age 14, was... nice. actually normal and nice. have i ever done that before? has my own edgelord ass ever done that before? i don’t think so.

which is why things obviously took a turn for the worse

but yeah. when she was 14, she was like “hey mom idk how to do pre-algebra” (a mood) but there was no response from her mom. so shrug city, you know? she just went to her older sister instead. but like... so much time passed.... and nothing....

finally, this nosy bitch decided to be like “ok i’m gonna go see what tf she’s doing” and that was just... a terrible idea. instead of finding her mom doing her nails or talking on the phone or any number of reasons she may not have come out yet, she found her mother hanging from the ceiling fan.

she tried to get her brothers’ and sister’s help, and they tried so desperately to help (you know, while also calling 911 and their father), but it was to absolutely no avail.

after this hella traumatizing experience, the children grew closer as the father grew farther.

he began getting lost in his own mind, sometimes accidentally mixing the past with the present, a la willy loman style. he would hold slight conversations with their ‘mother’ while at the table, then began holding them with various others from the past. it was pretty clear that his mind had just been looking for an excuse to snap, and the death of his wife had been the perfect scapegoat.

although it had originally just affected him in his home life, he began holding said conversations in the presence of people outside his family.

this is not good for a politician.

i mean it’s not good for anyone but...

his support immediately began dropping. his team gradually left him, finding there was no way he would ever be able to gain another victory if he kept on living in a limbo between the past and the present. given that he’d started ‘talking to his brother’ during one of his speeches... 

rest in peace to his career.

alexa (play despacito) was 18 at the time, her sister - 20, one of her brothers - 21, the other - 24.

they were all legal adults! some of them had even moved out! so their father figured his next move would not affect him in the way their mother’s death had!

so he shot himself.

the only people who showed up at his funeral were alexa and her sister. her eldest brother proclaimed that flying across the country would be too much of a hassle for that, and the other brother simply did not respond.

her eldest brother did, however, enlist in the army after setting legalities in place that would allow him to send money back to his siblings. he had joined simply because it was an easy opportunity (what with all of the propaganda), but his decision prompted the other brother to do the same –– this time because he was talented at ‘the art of fighting.’

and bc more money but like... get wrekt.

alexa’s sister dropped out of college to work a full-time job –– one that paid fairly handsomely. alexa took some odd jobs.

aka, everyone was trying to make money.

creon was right when he said “money! nothing worse”

so things kind of dipped when the eldest brother was killed. after an accusation that he’d become a traitor, their other brother had taken it upon himself to ‘anonymously’ torture and shoot him. but the other side did it!

which everyone knew was a lie.

because of the accusations, he was not only not allowed a military funeral, he was also not meant to be buried in any honorable fashion. instead, his body was returned to his hometown to be buried there following a quiet and uneventful funeral.

his grave was left unmarked.

nonetheless, the grave was visited every day, new flowers laid atop.

meanwhile, their other brother was considered a newfound military icon. he’d gotten rid of a ‘traitor’ (they continued to pretend it was someone from the other side, of course), he’d killed many an enemy, he’d done this and that and this and that and it all made him look so morally grey to alexa and her sister (who, granted, had yet to find out he’d killed their other brother), but like such a white knight to his fellow soldiers.

he truly rose in the ranks. it was what he was meant to do.

but the more he killed, the more he tortured, the lack of grief towards his brother’s death...

alexa’s sister wasn’t buying her hypothesis. it wasn’t necessarily because she saw their other brother was some pure being, but because she simply didn’t believe he was capable of that.

the next time alexa saw her brother, she got confirmation enough. what to do with the information, she wasn’t sure, but she knew she had to do something...

murder wasn’t the solution... she didn’t have any military connections that would allow for her to spout some lie about why he needed to be dishonorably discharged... but what he did couldn’t skate by...

to this day, she is still wondering what she can do to fuck him over. his success in the military keeps growing grander and grander, thus rendering any fake dishonorable discharge excuses completely moot. her sister still doesn’t believe that there really is a solution –– that, while it is greatly harmful, there’s absolutely nothing they can do and ruminating on it is worthless –– trying to find some quest to defeat their own brother is absurd.

although she has since moved to seneca, attracted to its small town appeal, she continues to visit her eldest brother’s grave every week –– it’s about a two hour drive, so it’s worth it.

she’s taken up work as a cemetery caretaker

because of COURSE she would.

and, although its pay is.... lousy, she’s been making due. for the tombstones no one visits any longer, first she’ll look them up to make sure they weren’t slave-owners or anything, she’ll bring them their own flowers. the dead deserve just as much respect as the living, hm?

personality.

i just realized i didn’t do this for valda (aka, i’m about to update her intro with it), but a total enneagram type 2.

too empathetic for her own good, too ‘this person whom i do not even know deserves flowers’ for her own good, too ‘i’ve got to protect _______ by doing _________’ for her own good

a capricorn

so driven by her own moral compass, she does not CARE about anything that says she has to go against it

her moral compass can be super faulty sometimes tho

pretty quick to make assumptions tbh, but has so far been right abt most of them.

so also driven by gut feelings ig

dramatic tbh. i mean she’s the adapted version of a character whose first lines contained “there's nothing, no pain—our lives are pain” SO.

also p independent (as in i said valda was independent), but her vendetta isn’t against men in general, rather just her brother who is still alive

so like,,, that said,,, holds grudges.

im bad at personality sections!! as has been stated before!! but i think the gist has been gotten across!!

wanted connections.

so rn i only have one specific one which is her sister and can be found on the wc page

will come up w/ unique ones later but until then open 2 hearing urs/brainstorming!

tl;dr.

(refer to triggers listed before the bullets.) a lot of death? like mom kills herself then dad turns into willy loman then dad kills himself. brothers both join the army. one brother kills the other brother for being accused of being a ‘traitor.’ said brother doesn’t get a proper funeral and his headstone is unmarked. the other brother rises in the rankings and alexa knows what happened. convinced her sister of it, but her sister is more logical and let her know that she was very angry too, but making her entire life about it would do nothing but endanger herself and others. moved to seneca because she liked the small town feel. still visits her eldest brother’s grave every week to leave flowers. works as a cemetery caretaker bc WHY NOT. brings flowers to graves that are either unmarked or no longer visited. i hope you read all of that and just thought ‘oh my god fckin EDGELORD’ because you’re right.

alright ! fin.

like this or hmu if you’d like to plot !

[jiminnamoro]

get to know me tag!!♡ i was tagged by @xlilybebe thank you bebè!!

How tall are you? I might be short but my dick is as long as my arm (im 160 cm on a good day cmon)

What color and style is your hair? oh man, I'm naturally blonde- a dark, grey-sh kind of blonde? rn my hair is dark pink w blue tips, a wavy mess that i sometimes straighten but ehh I dye it so often that ppl are confused when they see me :(

What color are your eyes? blue/grey 

Do you wear glasses? of course, have y'all ever seen me without glasses ?? ew 

Do you wear braces? nope

What’s your fashion sense? i have no idea sdfghd I generally dress casual chic, but i genuinely like to dress up on particular occasions !!! the more feminine, the better (im in love w dresses n high heels but also w harnesses n flannels n converse n see through t-shirts n oversized sweaters im a mESS)

Full name? my name’s silvia !! please dont call me sylvia :( my middle name is luisa bc its my grandmas name but its just. a church thing, u know? I never use it 

When were you born? april 14th 1996

Where are you from and where are you now? born and raised here in piacenza, italy!! its a tiny small baby town near milan

What school do/did you go to? both elementary school and middle school were v basic I guess? as for high school, I attended a cookery school where I got my diploma and now uhh I'm a baker/pastry chef 

Favorite Subject? italian literature and english were my fav subjects!! I was v good at them 

Favorite TV shows? the x files bc. aliens

Favorite Movie(s)? my fav movie has to be dracula untold!! and also doctor strange and weekend at bernies and five feet apart!!! I generally like romantic movies tbh 

Favorite Book? /slams fist on the table/ d r a c u l a who is also my dad

Do you have any regrets? i dont think so?? as a stubborn bitch, I've done a bunch of things and idk those experiences made me the person I am now so I dont think I have regrets 

Dream job? the one I already have!! I like being a pastry chef, just not @ the place I currently work at

Would you ever like to be married? who would even think about marrying me dude lets be real no ones gonna put a ring on my freaking finger anytime soon

Would you like kids? no no no no no no

How many? z ero nada nessuno no thanks

Do you like shopping? i do like shopping!! especially online shopping :( so I dont have to feel bad when I'm trying on clothes that. dont fit. I also hate dealing w shop assistants bc I cannot say no so I always end up buying a shit ton of stuff I dont need sigh 

What countries have you visited? germany, austria, switzerland, france, england, the netherlands and my own country obv

The scariest nightmare you’ve ever had? the scariest nightmare happens every single time I wake up n I have to look at myself in the mirror thats. a real fucking nightmare lemme tell ya

Any enemies? uhh uhhhhhh i dont know :(

Self-doubt? thats my second name 

Any significant other? im too ugly to have that 

Do you believe in miracles? hell yea 

How are you? i dont wanna talk about it sdfghfs

[thisgirlsays22]

Ereri Creator Interview: Renriva

Hello friends! Thank you all for your support with this project. If you’d like to complete the interview, you can do so here: https://goo.gl/forms/lUpTjm0NFeYYzXGy1. The form will remain open indefinitely.

The response to this was more than I could have hoped for, so please be patient as I get to your interview! I aim to post 2-3 per week.

You can enjoy past creator interviews here. (Since I post these over time,  sometimes projects are complete by the time I post the interview.)

A special thank you to @fluffymusketeer for making the wonderful section banners!

Mira ( @renriva​ ) is an artist who has been in the fandom for over four years. On shipping Ereri, Mira writes, “I really love how Levi is older than Eren so Levi can give Eren some advice from his experiences and Eren can make Levi feel his youth again. I love their teacher and student relatioship, their "humanity's strongest and last hope" title”. 

Read on for more!

Please link us to your content so we can send you some love! 

https://renriva.tumblr.com

How long have you been in the fandom for?

For 4 years

Why did you start shipping Ereri? 

Ahh where do I start....I started shipping them as a "crack" ship for a while because I didn't ship any ships before EreRi as a serious ship. When I went to the anime and the manga, I started shipping it more than a crack ship. I just love how Eren and Levi have wonderful relationship development. To "idgaf about this brat" to "I would die to let this brat alive" kind of relationship. I really love how Levi is older than Eren so Levi can give Eren some advice from his experiences and Eren can make Levi feel his youth again. I love their teacher and student relatioship, their "humanity's strongest and last hope" title and alot of stuff cause I don't want to make this long XD. Any other word, I love EreRi and it's the first serious ship I ever shipped.

What is the work you're proudest of and why?

Probably this one (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCYfPZ7xJUc) because I didnt took too long to make a video like this and yet got to finish it because surprisingly im lazy on making animatic stuff. Also proud that I get to finish my OTP's animatic <3

What inspires you to create?

Sad song inspires me to draw angst stuff, happy and bright song inspires me to draw some fluff and songs like "Or Nah" inspires me to draw smuts. (Basically song inspires me to draw >w<)

Is there any work you'd like to share that inspires you?

As in other artist/writer's work? Tbh there is alot of those artists/writers' that inspires me to make my work. They are also sweet and nice people to make me draw whatever that inspires me from their work

What are your strengths as a writer/artist?

I can learn new drawing style that suits ones theme and also can improve my anatomy

What is an area in your work which you're trying to improve on?

Im trying to improve anatomy for a while and also trying to improve my colourings

What advice do you have for other creators?

Do what you do because I love all of your work no matter what. And for the artists, don't give up on whatever you are doing, because I promise that you can do better if you're practice, same goes to the beginner writers <3

Do you have any pets?

Yes and they're all cats

How do you relax?

By hearing songs or draw some sketches

Tell us about your dream day

Currently nothing in mind rn (I dreamt abt EreRi last night after watching too many doujinshi the night b4 so that's new)

What music are you into?

All type of the music general as long the song have good lyrics and rhythm XD

What are some of your favorite tv shows?

I used to like tv shows but not anymore cause I only watch Youtube more nowadays 

What are some of your favorite films?

All of Tim Burton's work <3

What are some of your favorite books?

I dont remember since it was a library book that I read last year and I don't want to get it back cause my library membership just expires on that day

[lookwhatilost]

cool, i have an hour to kill so im jst going to answer this dumb ask meme that i saw on my dash under a cut, bc i definitely do not have enough followers to engage w stuff like this the normal way

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?  spotify

is your room messy or clean? messy

what color are your eyes? brown

do you like your name? why? i’ve hated it for as long as i can remember. thinking it’s jst the combination of it being an unusual first name, being picked on for it a lot bc kids are mean, and having everyone around me insist that i’d love my name come adulthood bc it never ended up happening. i still want to change it legally but i have to figure out something i won’t tire of. “jackie” is working for now but idk abt committing to that one

what is your relationship status? disinterested

describe your personality in 3 words or less turbulent

what color hair do you have? dark brown

what kind of car do you drive? color? blue honda civic

where do you shop? forever 21, h&m, a few places online

how would you describe your style? trying too hard

favorite social media account i like kbnoswag on twitter lmao

what size bed do you have? queen

any siblings? jst col and my two step sisters

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? probably anchorage bc it’s scenic, the housing/rental market is abt the same as it is here, but the wages tend to be higher

favorite snapchat filter? when they make special versions of the dog filter for different holidays... i love those

favorite makeup brand(s) nyx mainly

how many times a week do you shower? i do it every day but if im in a shitty place mentally, i wont on my days off

favorite tv show? bojack horseman

shoe size? 9

how tall are you? 5′7″

sandals or sneakers? sneakers

do you go to the gym? i work out but i dnt go to a gym bc i’ve always had exercise equipment at home and my apartment has a fitness center, so i cant justify paying for a membership

describe your dream date i dream abt other things

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? $70

what color socks are you wearing? blue

how many pillows do you sleep with? 4 bc i love only using 2 and then kicking the other ones off my bed somehow when im asleep

do you have a job? what do you do? yeah, i’ve been doing hair for 4 odd years now

how many friends do you have? a decent handful but i only consider myself very close w two of them

whats the worst thing you have ever done? a lot probably but nothing rly sticks out to me as the objective “worst”

whats your favorite candle scent? yankee candle makes one called “golden sands” and i like that one a lot

3 favorite boy names/3 favorite girl names for various rzns i’d rather not answer the baby names question. pass

favorite actor? i can’t think of one off the top of my head, but i like jim carrey a lot

favorite actress? amy adams!

who is your celebrity crush? i’m not invested in famous ppl like that, but if you asked me this when i was 12, i’d have said pete wentz lmfao. probably my only one ever

favorite movie? this is hard lol. arrival, interstellar, and gone girl come to mind, though

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? i do. difficult to pick favorites bc i like more nonfiction stuff... i liked a brief history of time a lot

money or brains? brains. i have my own money

do you have a nickname? what is it? jackie is technically a nickname i guess. fati calls me “salvadore” and i hate it w a passion

how many times have you been to the hospital? a lot but i’ve only stayed there for an extended period 3 times

top 10 favorite songs stop they’re all special to me in different ways... 

do you take any medications daily? i did for a while

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) oily

what is your biggest fear? nothing that hasn’t already happened lol

how many kids do you want? none

whats your go to hair style? i cut it into a bob periodically and let it grow out until it annoys me, rinse and repeat til i die

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) average?

who is your role model? no one. all people are jst people

what was the last compliment you received? probably someone calling me smart or something. i hear it a lot but i dnt rly believe it

what was the last text you sent? “yes binch”

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? probably pretty young if i was ever lead to believe it period. i dnt remember ever having any faith in that

what is your dream car? i had my dream car and it was more of a hassle than anything. a good metaphor for life, probably

opinion on smoking? cigarettes? do whatever you want. weed? do whatever you want, but stop saying it cures cancer. meth/crack? maybe you should chill

do you go to college? that didn’t work out

what is your dream job? being able to sustain myself without one

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? suburbs definitely. lived in rural areas before. driving 30 minutes one way to the grocery store is not something i ever feel inclined to experience again.

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? depends on what they are

do you have freckles? yes

do you smile for pictures? only when my mom makes me

how many pictures do you have on your phone? 2377

have you ever peed in the woods? no

do you still watch cartoons? i mean bojack is a cartoon. but ones for children, no

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? stan wendy

Favorite dipping sauce? chick fil a sauce

what do you wear to bed? long old tshirt and this jacket i have from middle school typically lol. i have 3 actual pairs of pajamas though

have you ever won a spelling bee? i’ve never had an opportunity to even enroll in one. my schools never ran them

what are your hobbies? i read and write a lot, still trying to kill the rolling stone 500 albums list, i paint sometimes, jst general Bitch Desperate For Escapism things

can you draw? i used to a lot more than i do now but i’m still halfway decent at it

do you play an instrument? guitar & bass. i’m better at bass. i’m better at guitar hero but that dznt count

what was the last concert you saw? fall out boy i think? i’m having trouble remembering if that was before or after roger waters

tea or coffee? both but tea is a little easier to make so i drink more of it

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? bux. jesus christ

do you want to get married? not planning on it

what is your crush’s first and last initial? i’m too disillusioned to feel that way abt ppl rn

are you going to change your last name when you get married? definitely not

what color looks best on you? pastels

do you miss anyone right now? yeah but it dznt matter

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed

do you believe in ghosts? absolutely

what is your biggest pet peeve? when customers make a scissor cutting motion w their hands when they’re describing their haircut to me. it’s sooooo weird and stupid and idg why so many people do it

last person you called` ian

favorite ice cream flavor? mint chocolate chip

regular oreos or golden oreos? regular

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? i hate sprinkles bc they are pointless

what shirt are you wearing? a tank top

what is your phone background? my lock screen is a pic i took of the lacey street theater in fairbanks the first time i was there. my background is a pic i took in denali when i was there w ian

are you outgoing or shy? i want to socialize but i dnt know how. shy i guess?

do you like it when people play with your hair? no, honestly i find it rly unpleasant

do you like your neighbors? katie and alexis are the best drinking buddies anyone could ask for. isaac is great. everyone else i could take or leave

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? yes and both

have you ever been high? yeah

have you ever been drunk? constantly

last thing you ate? 1/2 of a jimmy johns veggie club

favorite lyrics right now uhhhh idk i dnt get stuck on music like that

summer or winter? winter

day or night? night

dark, milk, or white chocolate? i dnt rly like chocolate

favorite month? october

what is your zodiac sign gemini

who was the last person you cried in front of? ian