#im going with the magazine spread theme

[d4rkpluto]

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♇ this post centres around pisces, neptune and the twelfth house, and how it is an underrated home of fame.

♇ neptune rules over cameras, glamour, paparazzi, stalking, projection and film, all strong themes of the realer side of fame, specifically paparazzi, stalking and projection.

♇ [in my opinion, i think the 12H, Neptune and Pisces are the most alike compared to the other signs and their rulers.]

♇ on the other hand, ten houses from the 3H is the 12H, 10 in astrology ruling over fame, career and publicity and the 3H governs over magazine and marketing, things celebrities have to be involved in to attain fame.

♇ to understand this post, we need to get into the symbolism of pisces, and hold on tight for this for you to understand! as pisces does represent neptune/poseidon, the sign pisces also represents is Jesus. the most known man, the most known person specifically.

♇ and even though social media does joke about it now and then, he is the most known "nepotism" kid. people with pisces placements especially in their big three or those who have jupiter in pisces are known for something specific, because Pisces gives it a boost because of the connection it has with Jupiter. [in traditional astrology, Jupiter ruled over Pisces], and Jupiter is supposed to symbolise God. and in shorter terms, it gives the nepotism boost to Pisces.

♇ before i go deeper, i am going to use examples of celebrities, their twelfth house and how fame was for them and how it impacted them.

CELEBRITIES WITH PISCES IN THEIR BIG THREE OR JUPITER. [can work with the rest of the big six, but im focusing on the big three].

⟶ examples

PISCES ASCENDANTS ⬎

MICHAEL JACKON.

WHITNEY HOUSTON

ELLEN.

PISCES SUNS ⬎

RIHANNA.

CINDY CRAWFORD.

GRIMES.

PISCES MOONS ⬎

MICHELLE OBAMA.

MARTIN LUTHER KING.

KIM KARDASHIAN.

PISCES JUPITER ⬎

MEGAN FOX.

AMBER HEARD.

LINDSAY LOHAN.

SHORT EXAMPLES OF THE 12H AND ITS IMPACT WITH SOMEONE'S FAME ⬎

MARILYN MONROE

had cancer in the 12H, cancer is moon ruled and the moon rules over audience, and its clear that marilyn monroe had a big audience, like the moon, she was worshiped, and due to hollywood, she represented what a woman, "should be".

marilyn also had pluto in the twelfth house, and this points to her being exploited, sexualised and abused in the industry.

her twelfth house ruler is in the seventh house which conjuncts the moon, and she had a known relationship, [jupiter conjunct moon], this insinuates her known relationship was with a man in power, the moon symbolises country and jupiter can symbolise politics and leader-ship, and she had a known affair with JF Kennedy.

BEYONCE

had virgo in her twelfth house, and people always have continuous critique with her, this can also imply she has much critique for herself, but with her twelfth house having the planet jupiter, it helps her having a giant and loyal fanbase.

beyonce also has saturn in the 12h, and this implies of longevity in fame, saturn doesnt always mean something is going to be cut short! on the other hand, her 12H ruler being in the 12H can point to the distant energy she has with her, she could have fun with her fans but there is still an out of reach essence she has to herself.

the 12H ruler being in the 12H can also indicate to why people might've picked up that she might be doing drugs. this could also insinuate another way of how people are nit-picky when it comes to beyonce.

on the other hand, her 12H ruler being in the 12H shows she only shows a part of herself she wants people to see.

MICHAEL JACKSON

aquarius in the twelfth house, and was known to be erratic and unique, he also used his platform to spread awareness.

his 12H ruler being in Leo points to his excessive amount of fame, the uranus being in leo implies on how he was known everyone where in the world. his uranus in the 13°, a degree which means the first to do something; which conjuncts venus the planet of dancing insinuates of his creation of the moonwalk.

his uranus is also in the sign of children, and had many controversies surrounding kids. [along with people thinking his children arent his].

with his 12H ruler being in Leo, the house of cameras and glamours, points to how he is one of the most photographed people on earth.

ARIANA GRANDE

sagittarius in the 12H, known for her adaptability in different cultures, the jupiter influence gives her a very big fanbase.

12H ruler in libra and is known for her romantic controversies, with her Jupiter having. the 5° which shows they're known in the industry they're specifically in. her jupiter also conj moon in the 6th degree, and people critique her love life and it is always in the public, the moon ruling audience.

12H sagittarius in the 2 degrees, and is known for her aesthetic.

RIHANNA

12H in pisces and is known for her glamour, beauty and fashion.

venus is in the 12H and she is a muse for many people.

juno in the 12H and she was paired with many people, so many people expecting who and what to be her husband, though everyone was aware with who her soulmate was. asap rocky.

12H ruler in capricorn and is known for being a capitalist, rich and business oriented.

another 12H ruler in aries, and has a known controversy with the abuse she had suffered through by chris brown.

12H ruler in aries conj uranus and was known for her fierceness and come backs.

MEGAN THEE STALLION

12H aries and is known for her "sexiness" and rapping. her 12H ruler is in Leo and is known for her sexual dancing, specifically twerking, and her body shape is usually spoken about

her 12H ruler is mars and went through a scandal that involved violence, and with the 12H ruler being in the 21st degree, it entails of her being known for being a stallion, along with her jupiter in sagittarius.

neptune in the 24th degree and a lot of people think she is a liar, and i noticed a lot of people who have their 12H ruler conjunct the moon do get famous.

KRISTINA PIMENOVA

taurus in her 12H and was known for her beauty, she also has mars in her 12H and was really pushed into the industry.

12H ruler in the 1st degree and was pushed as the most beautiful girl. her neptune is in the 10H and a a lot of people wanted to be her because of her status and looks.

12H in a young sign could imply getting into the industry at a young age. she also has mars in taurus in the 12H and is also known for dancing.

MADISON BEER

12H in aries and is known for her sexiness. and her 12H ruler is in scorpio and she had plenty of controversies.

saturn in the 12H it took time for people to appreciate her music. her saturn is also in taurus.

11H in pisces in aqua 3rd degree, and had much people make rumours about her.

12H ruler in mars the 11th degree and had revenge porn against her, or you can say just had people expose her nudes.

pisces in the 11H and many people on the internet project their insecurities onto her.

DRAKE

leo in 12H and he is known for his ego, his 12h ruler conj pluto and a lot of people talk about his sexuality.

neptune in capricorn got into more fame due to a popular company, yung money. he has a pisces jupiter and is known for his multiple times to have a wife, he has proposed many times he was able to make a necklace out of them.

12th degree on his moon and is known as an incel. he has his neptune in the 3rd degree and a lot of people make fun of him.

12H PLACEMENTS ⬎

PISCES/NEPTUNE IN THE 12H - known for music, could get a lot of stalkers, people might have a perception of who you are supposed to be and could be known for taking a specific drug, like weed; ex, rihanna.

ARIES/MARS IN THE 12H - known for their sexuality, could be bullied on social media, might get access to fame easily, but could be objectified; ex, madison beer.

TAURUS/VENUS IN THE 12H - known for your beauty, might feel like people might not take you seriously, people could be shallow towards you, you could have a less intense celebrity life; ex, kristina pimenova.

GEMINI/MERCURY IN THE 12H - could be known for your adaptability, many people might want to mimic you, could be photographed a lot and known for your style; ex, cher.

CANCER/MOON IN THE 12H - could hide their true identity to the world, is the face for something, likes privacy but are never given it; ex, marilyn monroe.

LEO/SUN IN THE 12H - easily stand out, seen as a trendsetter, are known for their beauty, people might compare themselves to you all the time; ex, bella hadid.

VIRGO/CERES IN THE 12H - people will be critical of you, nosy about your life, though you would be a big muse and inspiration for the people, majority of 12H dont like attention or responsibility due to the gain of fame; ex, doja cat.

LIBRA/JUNO IN THE 12H - people will really copy your aesthetic, most likely to be posted on social medias like pinterests and tumblr. very photogenic people, untouchable energy, which could be linked to the hera influenced; ex, lily rose.

SCORPIO/PLUTO IN THE 12H - are usually the face for something, stalked by everyone, specifically the paparazzi, could sometimes be harassed by people for not acting how they were expected to behave. have a lot of influence, they do something other people start doing it; ex, jennie kim and princess diana.

SAGITTARIUS/JUPITER IN THE 12H - have very large fan bases, are expected to be role models, have to find a specific way to sustain their popularity, and other people might want to relate to them and get upset if they cant; ex, kylie jenner.

CAPRICORN/SATURN IN THE 12H - fame can either come really quick to people with capricorn or saturn in the 12H or it could take its time. how they handle fame is their karma, could be preyed on by authority, and when they pass, they become legends and known for something specific; ex, aaliyah.

AQUARIUS/URANUS IN THE 12H - known globally, get away with a lot of stuff, known for their visuals plus aesthetic since it is unique, they have a lot of controversies revolving around love, and might feel like they cannot get away from fame; ex, michael jackson.

YOUR FAME DUE TO WHERE PISCES AND NEPTUNE IS IN YOUR CHART ⬎

PISCES/NEPTUNE IN THE 1H - fame for being beautiful, creative, and would feel distant and would have a lot of people project and fantasise about you; ex, michael jackson a pisces ascendant, and ariana grande who has neptune in the 1H.

PISCES/NEPTUNE IN THE 2H - fame due to singing, fame for being beautiful of their aesthetic, have ways of always making money and has controversy with lovers; ex, megan fox has pisces in her 2H, and lana del rey who has neptune in her 2H.

PISCES/NEPTUNE IN THE 3H - known for their creative ideas, good writers, could have a popular relative or is the popular relative, and another musician indicator. could also be known for their philosophy; ex, jeon jungkook has his pisces in his 3H, and beyonce who has her neptune in the 3H.

PISCES/NEPTUNE IN THE 4H - famous family, controversy with family/marriage, do a project that can set them for life and could be in a famous group; ex, kim kardashian who has pisces in the 4H, and emma watson who has neptune in the 4H.

PISCES/NEPTUNE IN THE 5H - get very popular because of their looks, usually have kids within their rise to fame, can tap into anything creative and succeed. brilliant actors and actresses have these placements; ex, nicolae kidman who has pisces in the 5H, and angelina jolie who has neptune in the 5H.

PISCES/NEPTUNE IN THE 6H - amazing producers [music and film], are known for their interaction with drugs or people might have conspiracies with them taking drugs, health issues are put onto blast and usually stand out in a project that has many people and are usually the main character; ex, britney spears who has pisces in the 6H, and kanye west who has neptune in the 6H.

PISCES/NEPTUNE IN THE 7H - like to please their fans, controversy with marriage, be careful with deals/contracts that you would sign, sometimes other people might think you are distant and you guys are likely to have iconic fashion moments; ex, bella hadid who has pisces in the 7H, and mariah carey who has neptune in the 7H.

PISCES/NEPTUNE IN THE 8H - usually leave a big legacy, victim/subject to memes, or being made fun of by people in the industry, tough relationship with addiction and have a big fandom which can make them excused a lot; ex, marilyn monroe who has pisces in the 8H, and michael jackson who has neptune in the 8H.

PISCES/NEPTUNE IN THE 9H - loved due to their charisma, loud and big personalities, partake in business all over the world and are wanted by foreign companies, and have a moment when they're under fire due to the public; ex, angelina jolie who has pisces in the 9H, and rihanna who has neptune in the 9H.

PISCES/NETPUNE IN THE 10H - likely to be models, have contracts with big brands, many people look up to them and have much expectations for them, could also be people who are in political power or are connected to them; ex, victoria beckham who has pisces in the 10H, and princess diana who has neptune in the 10H.

PISCES/NEPTUNE IN THE 11H - are usually easily excused, famous due to a private circle [political power on theories like illuminati], usually say things they are not meant to say, can either be easily liked or hated by the public and this can give online fame, or could get famous because of the internet; ex, miley cyrus who has pisces in the 11H, and billie eilish who has neptune in the 11H.

PISCES/NETPUNE IN THE 12H - people usually want to be them, long-term fame, another model indicator, and can be people who get into relationships with people who are known in the industry; ex, gigi hadid who has pisces in the 12H, and zendaya who has neptune in the 12H.

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pluto

[symphonic-scream]

Okay. Random thoughts and notes from Lovers Naoto au! I'll just lay out the team roles here again for clarity as this post goes on.

Wildcard - Kanji

Magician - Rise

Star - Teddie. Still

Chariot - Yu

Priestess - Yosuke

Emperor - Yukiko

Lovers - Naoto

Fortune - Chie

Alright. Time to just. Lay a bunch of them out! Putting a cut here cause it'll probably end up long, don't wanna clog any tags with Long Post :)

So the idol group Naoto's in, Royale, they're all pretty close. Naoto, Prince, and the member called Knight were the first two chosen for the group at age 12, with the last being the member Dame at 13. They're all the same age, Naoto being the oldest by like. A week, and Princess pouts about it all the time

They have assigned colours! Naoto, Prince, is Blue. Knight is Yellow. Princess is Pink. Queen is Purple. And Dame is Red. They're like, the rising group at this time and, it's causing stress for poor Naoto

The girls call him Naonao, but not Knight. She only calls him Naoto, they're the closest of the group. She's always been his number 1 supporter, and. They're in the same boat, kinda. She's, very gay. Having to pretend to be into Prince, is hard

Queen's changing room is the one that they find the camera in. That's what sparks Naoto into having his breakdown that forces their rest period. Idiot was pushing himself

--

When Naoto renegotiates his contract, the agency reluctantly agree to stop forcing him to keep his T doses cut in half, to keep his face pretty and shit. And, surgery dates. And, when he returns after his recovery from top in Inaba at age 17, the agency. Realize they can actually use this

He's got very minimal scars, and it's rather easy for them to cover them for music videos and shows. So, they have a party themed album. Night life theming or something. All that matters is they're covered in glow paint handprints, and Naoto is in a mesh shirt

Rise. Buys that poster immediately. Hangs it in her room and longingly stares at Naoto. Maybe she has a cardboard standee of him that she talks to like a therapist. Very "oh Ariana, we're in it now" energy. Except that's her boyfriend

--

AND FHE RECOVERY. I HAVE MANY CUTE IDEAS

Naoto gets it done in Okina, so the gang is there to have a boobless and high Naoto handed over to them by the idol girls. He's. Very giggly. Slurring his words as he talks at length about Neo Featherman on the drive back in a van borrowed from Junes

Rise and Kanji stay to help him heal. Kanji is there for just a few days to carry the drowsy Naoto around, and. Rise stays the whole time and longer. She missed him. Also, someone needs to make sure he doesn't overwork himself again

He's real sweet the whole time, cuddling and smiling all gooey at her. He missed her! And he feels a lot better now. Back feels better, he can breathe better, he feels, more himself. He's glad he got a whole month to recover with Rise

--

Naoto with. Face scruff. None under his nose, but. His chin gets real scruffy before he notices. And man, Rise loves it. His fans don't get to see him in the morning when he's unshaven, that tickly blue scruff on his chin as he shuffles around the kitchen making breakfast. That's for her eyes only

--

For the final Royale shoot, right as theyre going to all retire at age 20-21, their agency ends up doing a whole special photo book and magazine. A special farewell to the group, as it were

There's a few pages for a beach spread of course. The girls in, revealing suits. And Naoto, both surgeries over with and healed, is handed some flattering shorts

He feels good. They make him shave all over so he's. Smooth. But, he mentally notes to get the IT together for another beach trip again

...Rise also buys these

--

Now. Back to their first meeting

Rise: H-HELLO IM RISE AND I LIKE YOU A NORMAL AMOUNT

Naoto: ...uhm. hi? Could you step aside? I have to run an errand for my grandfather and. You're standing in my way

Rise: ...*oh my god I got in his way I'm going to die.* hahaha sorry!

--

Naoto: ...now you know what I'm truly like... I'm sorry you had to see that,

Rise: we all have our things we hide,, it may change some things about the way I see you, but, overall, I think I'm still your number one fan. Both as Prince, and, as Naoto

Naoto: ...*fierce blushing*

--

Rise likes to pinch at his cheeks. He's still got a little of the Roundness that first year, and, she loves how flustered he gets when she just. Does something so simple

--

She starts taking photos of their friends making fake angry faces and adds the caption "are you binding safely"

He finds them. Somewhat amusing. But also the one of Kanji is. A little scary

--

Naoto's bedroom starts off real plain. The one in Inaba. To the point where when the team goes there to get clues, there's. Nothing. But slowly, as his break progresses, he gets more little decorations

So when he goes to stay during his recovery, it feels a little like coming home

--

Princess: I think your little girlfriend hates me

Prince: hi this is Rise!! And yes I do <3

Prince: SORRY SHE TOOK MY PHONE

Princess: lmao I like her!! Don't mess this up

--

Dame: if you don't marry that girl I will

Prince: WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM

Dame: she's cute, and remember, we have the same type, mister. Treat her right or I'll make her *my* lady

Prince: I WOULD NEVER DREAM OF HURTING HER

Knight: buddy she's teasing you

Prince: ...

Dame: HAHA

Queen: leave him alone he's gone through enough this year

Princess: lmaooo I bet he's bright red! Cherry flavoured Naonao!

--

Dudes who like Royale: man that Prince is lucky, being surrounded by those four pretty girls all the time

Naoto: I miss my wife, Tails. I miss her a lot

--

The big thing that doesn't change is that Rise still stares at the fire alarm every damn day

--

Kanji and Rise doing each other's nails, Naoto hugging Rise from behind and rambling about Phoenix Ranger or something

Kanji: they really don't take advantage of your collarbones dude! Tell your stylist they need to highlight them more, you've got manly ass collarbones

Naoto: ...thanks, I think

--

Kanji: yo, do you two wanna have a first years sleepover?

Rise: ooh! That sounds like so much fun!

Naoto: I mean, I don't see why not,

Kanji snoring on his bed with Naoto and Rise passed out on the futon, some romcom still blasting on the TV

--

Rise: Naokun and I will help you find a boyfriend!

Naoto: we will?

Kanji: you will?

Rise: yup!! A manly man, someone perfect for you!!

They do not succeed.

Naoto: what about Yu?

Rise and Kanji: he's gay for Yosuke

Naoto: ...is. Yosuke not straight?

Rise and Kanji: he isn't. Hadn't figured it out yet

Naoto: ah

Naoto: sorry, Kanji

Rise: yeah,, we're sorry,,

Kanji: dudes, I knew this would be the result. Thanks for trying. You're my best friends

--

Naoto: HELLO. I NEED YOUR HELP

Kanji: wassup little dude

Naoto: I PLAN TO PROPOSE TO RISE WHEN MY CONTRACT EXPIRES NEXT MONTH. COULD YOU BRING HER TO KYOTO FOR A BESTIES TRIP?

Kanji: wait why are you in Kyoto

Naoto: AGENCY MOVED

Kanji: hell yeah man true love

Kanji sobs the whole time. And at the wedding. He just loves their love okay?

Kanji: congrats on the dick surgery man.

--

Like. Maybe a week into bottom recovery for Naoto and-

Naoto: thanks,

Kanji: I brought over my Play Station so we can game in your room. I bought Phoenix Featherman Arena too, it was supposed to be your birthday gift but I suppose it works as Penis Gift

Naoto: if I wasn't straight for Rise I'd kiss you

Kanji: ...I'm good without a kiss man

Rise sits behind Naoto and massages his scalp as the boys play. She. Tried for a bit, but she isn't too good

She prefers to dote on her boy

Rise: med time!

Naoto: noo, they make me sleepy,

Kanji: it's cool man we can play tomorrow!

Rise: we'll both be with you, all night

Naoto's soft snores, Kanji sounding like a fucking. Chainsaw level of snoring. And Rise occasionally humming softly

--

Naoto: ...babe why is there a poster of me from the party album on the ceiling in your room

Rise: you looked really good

Naoto: ...please take it down while I'm here

Rise: fine,

--

Remember, this is Navi Naoto

Naoto: Rise, you're low on health! Make sure to get some healing!

Yosuke: HEY IM LOW ON HEALTH TOO

Naoto: ...when did I ask?

Yu: if I had a healing move I'd heal you Yosuke

Yosuke: thanks bro

Rise: apologize to Naokun and I'll heal you too, Yosuke

Yosuke: WHAT

--

Yosuke is surrounded by queer people.

Cause. Kanji is very gay, Rise is bi, Naoto is bi and trans, Yu is gay, Yukiko and Chie are both gay-

Yosuke: I'm the only straight one...

Yu: ...we just made out. You're not that straight

Yosuke: we're wearing socks, it's not gay

--

Yosuke getting saved by the fucking. Rainbow parade that is the starting trio in this au

--

Rise rejoining Naoto at the like entrance TV set every time with a big leaping hug

"you did good,"

"Thank you!! It's cause our Navi always has my back~"

Yosuke: I hate them

Yu: ...you did wonderful

Yosuke: I wish Rise jumped at me like that-

Yu:

Ten seconds later they all hear Yosuke shout in pain cause. Yu jumped on him

Naoto: ...ignoring them-

He's cut off by a kiss

Rise: sorry!! You're just, too cute with those glasses,

--

Rise always wears flats. Especially since it makes her just short enought that with Naoto's platforms she can be under his arm

--

They're awful during the ski trip. Naoto and Rise. Always trying to sneak kisses but they're not sneaky at all

Yosuke: guys. Where are Rise and Naoto

Chie: probably making out

Yukiko: probably

Yu: they bought hot chocolate, I saw Naoto in line there

Kanji: they're probably making out yeah

Yosuke: damn, I'm so jealous of Naoto!

Yu: ...

Yu: we were making out the other day. Your hand was in my pants

Yosuke: yeah, the back. That's not gay man!

--

Chie: okay, let's bet. How far until Yosuke admits its gay? I'll say. Pants off, both sides

Yukiko: hm, hand in underwear

Kanji: both butt naked

Yu: ...full on. Actual gay sex.

Chie: ...dude,

Yu: ...why do I love him

--

They're not usually the couple to make out constantly. Typically it's, sweet kisses. Spending hours together, Rise napping while Naoto watches Featherman. But. They do occasionally get carried away. It happens more as Naoto gets his T increased. But that first year? They're not too much

--

Rise: *giggling* your hair is so soft, I could play with it for hours,,

Naoto: sjfjfufhfj,

Rise: awe!! You're all blushy,, gosh, now I *have* to kiss you

--

He just. One hand in her back pocket, the other, palm flat on her back, fingers just under the hem of the comfy T-shirt she stole from him

Rise trails her kisses up towards his ear, sucking a quick mark right under it, where she knows Naoto's weak. He's a puddle on the couch, and she can kiss down to those Very Nice collarbones before he'll recover enough to pull her back in for some proper kisses

Naoto: I wanna, flip

Rise: go for it, big guy~

Naoto: its a thin couch, babe. I. Both of us need to work this out

Rise: ...oh, right

They awkwardly shuffle, until it's Rise lying back on the couch

Naoto: ...did you leave a hickey on me again?

Rise: *giggling* maybe~

Naoto: grandfather is going to so kill me...

Rise: well, as pay back, you can give me some?

Naoto: what do you mean some? Is there more than one? Rise-

She quickly pulls him down for another long kiss

--

After his bottom surgery, the rest of Royale just drive him right to his place in Inaba where he has three months off to heal and be with his friends. It went a little rough this time, he reacted weird to the anesthesia and his legs are. Wonky for a bit

Naoto post surgery just talks the other idols' ears off about how he can't wait to see Rise again

Knight: Im driving so someone else please LIGHTLY poke at his side for me

Dame: DIBS

Knight: anyone but Dame.

Naoto: I mish her so much,,,, wanna. Kiss her, and snuggle, and, maybe take her shirt off-

Princess: oh my god I'm going to do it. I'll tape his fucking mouth shut-

Queen: I'll be giving your recovery care package to that Kanji boy, right?

Naoto: mmmmmyewh,,, him. Him and, and my Rise are gonna watch over me,,,, *little giggle* I'm gonna get to see Rise again!!

Knight: yeah. Give it to the big guy. I think Ms Rise is gonna be a bit occupied with this one

The van isn't even parked and Rise is running up to open the back door

"NAOKUN!!"

"RISSSSSSSSE,"

She gives him a tender smooch, ruffles his hair

"hey, Handsome. You're looking so good!"

"Youre soooo pretty,,,,"

Knight: where's Kanji? We were told he would help get Naoto inside

Rise: KANJI! THEYRE HERE

Kanji comes out in a little pink apron with kitties on it, ready to carefully carry Naoto up to his room: sorry, I was making him his favourite ramen

Naoto: KANJIIIIIIIIII!

Kanji: hey little man, feeling okay?

Naoto: I got. Dick. I'm, great,

Kanji carries him up all slow and gentle, Rise with his blue duffle over her shoulder, getting hugs from the rest of Royale. They've come to adore her through Naoto. The photos, the way his face would always light up at her texts,,

--

The others come by to visit Naoto who. Has been coming down from the pain meds and is less than happy his friends are around while he's stuck lounging in bed in just his boxers

Naoto: I wish I could put pants on

Rise: I don't

Yosuke: BLECH, WAIT FOR US TO LEAVE, DAMNIT!

Yu: ignore him. We're happy you're feeling more like yourself, Naoto

Naoto: I'll feel better once I'm healed. Looking down and seeing. Unhealed surgery results. Can be horrifying

Rise: the first time he got up to piss in the night on his own he screamed and fell over

Kanji: Yeah I thought he was being attacked so I grabbed the chair

Naoto: it was very embarrassing

--

Kanji: okay, you're healed enough for a bath. You've got three options: you bathe alone, you have one with me, or one with Rise. Either way, I have to help you into the bath

Naoto: ...no offense, but. Kanji. Why would I choose to bathe with you over my girlfriend?

Kanji: we're bros

Naoto: I'll share with Rise, thanks. But. I'll have a towel around my waist until I'm in the water. I'm sure Rise can help me to get that resorted afterwards

Kanji: whatever you say man. I'm game to keep my eyes closed

Naoto: do not handle me with your eyes closed. Please.

Rise: I'll be there to help guide him though!

Rise slips into the tub behind Naoto, helps him remove the little waist towel, and then they're just. Relaxing in a warm bath

Rise: I have to sponge you down, but. I think we'd both prefer some skin time first

Naoto: mm. I've missed you so much,

Rise: I know. But, this is your last year. After that, we can do whatever! I can move to Tokyo with you if you want to continue being an idol, or you can move here with me, and we'll take over the tofu shop, or do our own thing

Naoto: I love you more than I. Ever imagined I'd ever love someone. You're truly special, Rise

She presses little kisses along his shoulders, hands tangled with his under the water

Rise: I understand, cause I feel the same about you!!

Naoto: this is gonna be the best three months ever ...

Rise: mm~ you just worry about healing, mister. Then we won't have to rely on Kanji to carry you around like a little doll

Naoto: yeah that's. Embarrassing.

Kanji: LET ME KNOW WHEN I NEED TO LIFT THE BOY

Naoto: I'm 19,,, I'm a man, right Rise?

Rise: ...hm? Yeah, yes of course, you're my man too.

Naoto: ... are you thinking about the scruff?

Rise: I MISS YOUR SCRUFF PLEASE DONT SHAVE WHILE YOURE ON BREAK

--

Rise tracing on the light hairs on his chest, smiling as she trails down to the patch growing just under his belly button

Naoto: uhm. Babe?

Rise: sorry, got distracted. Do you need something?

Naoto: ...please move your hand. *Please*.

Rise: ...OH IM SORRY

Kanji: hey I made cookies!

Kanji: ...why are you both blushing like that

--

THERES MORE SO MUCH MORE BUT. I WORRY ABOJT THIS BEING TOO LONG SO. YEAB

AK ME ABOUT THIS AU I LOVE IT SO MUCH

[jlonejacketwthe30out]

my final(?) spread for the magazine brief

head and speech bubble for communication go brr

the theme i decided on was an idea of illustration being a form of “universal communication” while trying to implement the orange colour that the group im in named ourselves after, and the complimentary shades of blue and yellow.

[transrightsyamaguchi]

thoughts on volume 8 of real:

ough i love this color spread

first volume in a long time to not end with anyone in tears. not sure if this is a good thing though.

we have not one but Two symbolic haircuts here. first of all

love the edvard munch scream parody. and it's probably a testament to how good the art is that i can still tell everyone apart even bald. and i was right. kiyoharu still looks cute.

however i was Wrong about being sad when takahashi finally cut his hair because look at him!!

look at that shit-eating cocky smile!! our boy had some Character Development in that weekend with his father. he's showing concern for fumika's problems!! he's coming around to her!!

and things are finally starting to look up for him. he's meeting other disabled people in the rehabilitation hospital!! he's finding a community!! but once again not sure if this is a good thing because i fucking HATE THIS GUY.

it's nice that ur bonding with takahashi but im killing u with my eyes rn

shiratori is another instance of a secondary character showing up to Deliver A Message On Theme. wish he would do it without also delivering porn magazines to takahashi but you can't always get what you want. he's got some thoughts on what it means to be strong, and they run counter to what we assume about him when he's introduced. this massive jacked former pro wrestler thinks he's weak because he's disabled. not sure this bodes well for takahashi's own self-esteem. we'll see.

nomiya's in pursuit of a clear tangible goal now (out of our three protagonists, right now he's the only one doing that. hm. anyway). he's seen an ad for tryouts for a pro basketball team, and he thinks he's got it. i don't think he's got it, but he'll put up a good fight before he's ultimately rejected. his off-court analytical skills are being shown off more and more. wonder what this is setting up for

anyway complaints. kiyoharu got out of that one real easy huh. i was hoping for more tears and anger and bloodshed but he just was allowed to go back to the tigers no big deal. i realized in the shower that i'm starting to get dissatisfied with the way kiyoharu's plotline is going. things are working out a little too well for him, and not in a nice tense "this is obviously foreshadowing a massive cataclysm" way. he's gotten a few too many good breaks from the narrative lately.

also he's been using his prosthetic leg more in recent volumes and it feels like all that development he went through in the flashbacks with tora is stalling out. it's not like kiyoharu Always used his prosthetic when he was off the court and Always only used a wheelchair on the court---up until volume 6 or so, he used a wheelchair when he was just going out on the town. i commented about it in my liveblog of the first volume. it was a whole thing in the fourth volume how much trouble he was having walking on his prosthetic, and tora straight out tells him to start using the chair more. so just. what. i wonder if this will get addressed at all.

anyway yeah. felt kind of let down by this one but i think i'm just feeling the middle-of-the-story reward fatigue. the same reason why people are getting bored of blue lock rn now that no one has actually been eliminated in 150 chapters. hopefully more bad things happen to our protagonists sometime soon

[ihatebnha]

Yes hi can I geettttttt one large Katsuki with a side of dick please?

yes ma'am coming right up....... ok its ready come pick it up at the register

keyword: LARGE katsuki... extra large... 2 XL.... 3 xl.... head go brrrrr

premise: where in which you model dynamight’s new clothing line and for whatever reason dynamight himself can’t keep his hands off of u...

enjoy <3<3 i kinda popped off lowkey (even tho i ended up using his hero name smh im sowwy)

-

It’s not like you’re small.

You think you’re a good size. Absolutely fine, of a perfect height, in a perfect body, everything. There is not a single thing about you that isn’t normal or expected, and for all the time you spend thinking about your looks, in the end, your body, for all it’s worth, is yours and actually quite comfortable.

But damn. If Katsuki Bakugo, the infamous, the incredible, Dynamight, isn’t one of the largest men you have ever seen in your fucking life.

In comparison to him, you might as well be the size of a kid. A doll.

It’s not like you didn’t know this... or at least, could have guessed. His height is broadcasted to the world in all the interviews he’s in, and mentioned in almost every hero gossip magazine like it’s the only cool thing about him… It’s just that, in real life, he’s a bit more... imposing… than you thought he would be. 

The only real images you have of him are from the sports festivals you watched when you were younger, and the blurry shots from the news that play on repeat almost every day.

Neither of which truly encapsulate the sheer size of him in comparison to you, and really, what a powerhouse of a man he actually is.

Bakugo towers over everyone, at least by a full head, and what he doesn’t have in height, he makes up for in bulk. His body is nothing less than that of a statue’s, and by all means just goes to show anyone, villain or not, that he is an absolute machine of destruction, a predator, you name it, wrapped in muscle and sinew and brutal, pink scars.

And he is currently shirtless, standing on the well-lit, white tarp of the studio background, waiting for you.

“Where’s the new extra?”

He bemoans, his expression curved into a mean scowl, practically stomping a foot in the direction of his manager, to which your stomach does flip flops and your heart sinks. Too busy caught up in watching him from afar, you rush to pull off the robe they draped you in and hurry to his side, dressed only in a Dynamight themed lingerie set and boots, held together with ridged, green garters.

“I’m here, I’m sorry, I-“

Bakugo’s eyes flit to yours, halting your nervous words instantly, before moving his gaze to look you up and down as he nods his head back and gestures to his side.

“Doesn’t matter now,” he purrs, his voice deep and rough, a hand reaching out to grab your arm, “Get over here.”

You nod, quickly, your teeth knocking together as you move into position beside him and face the camera that’s been teasing you since you got here.

Hired to model a new line of intimate, Dynamight clothing march, you know that his agency only called you because everyone else on their roster had quit. They called you because supposedly Dynamight was sick of looking at “models…” and said that out of everyone, you were the only one he had approved of… Though you know that probably just means that all the other girls were chased away by Bakugo’s mean snarl, and you were the first replacement to answer the phone.

Still…

Part of you doesn’t entirely believe that, at least if the way you feel Katsuki Bakugo practically salivating over your shoulder is anything to go by, his wide chest against your back as he very, non-discreetly presses his hips into your ass and runs his thick hand over your sides.

And when the sounds of shutters start going off, your expression now neutralized for the camera and nervousness long buried for another time, you can’t help but let yourself lean back into him, your hands moving to rest on his as he grips your waist with the strength only a hero in the Top Ten could have.

-

If you thought that Bakugo was large before… you are definitely not disappointed now.

You are on your knees in front of him, his legs spread to accommodate the way you sit between them, and your hands on his thighs as he hastily frees his cock from the cage that is his sweatpants.

You can’t help but gape, staring open-mouthed at the already hard member, which curves upward toward his belly and is surrounded by fine, blonde pubes.

“Surprised?” he mutters, a knowing lilt to his raspy voice, enjoying the sight of you going slack jawed, and he smirks at your expression, his canines bared and eyes heavy-lidded.

It’s large. So large you suddenly wonder what you’re doing, and how the hell you’re going to please him properly. He’s definitely the biggest you’ve seen probably... ever, and though the feelings are mostly overwhelmed by a twisted sense of desire, fear strikes your heart when you think about taking him in your mouth and… elsewhere.

You narrow your eyes, one hand reaching out to gently grip the shaft, the head unashamedly dripping a milky precum which you use to give him a few timid pumps before looking to his eyes for confirmation that that is what he wants.

He groans immediately, almost sounding relieved, throwing his head back onto the back of the chair as you shyly work him.

“I’ve been thinking about you all day, you know,” he says into the air, “You and that fuckin’ body.”

To be honest, it’s no surprise, especially when you consider how he practically didn’t take his hands off you the entire shoot, and think about the fact that in more than a few of the photos you took, his mouth was on some part of your body…

You can’t help but worry your lip between your teeth thinking about it, blinking up at him and staying silent.

“What, you scared of me or something, baby?”

Bakugo tilts his head toward yours, an eyebrow raised in question, aiming to close the gap between your faces but not quite entirely. 

“No, I just…” you hesitate, unsure of how to proceed. If anyone knows how attractive Bakugo is, it’s he himself, and you definitely don’t want to ruin the moment by saying something stupid.

You also don’t want him in on the information that you’ve never been with a guy so big, alongside the fact that you’ve never been with a Pro Hero of his caliber, either, afraid that maybe he’ll mock you for your inexperience or sudden petulance, and in thinking so, you settle with a shrug, a smile, and a simple,

“I’m just nervous.”

Though your hand on his dick slows to an embarrassing stop, being that you’re too preoccupied with trying to fight the urge to shy away from his intense red eyes, his smile only returns, still cocky, still Bakugo, but nonetheless quite sweet. 

And in his smile, in the way he wraps one hand around yours on his cock before leaning down to kiss you, it doesn’t take much thought to know that he’ll most definitely take care of you, big dick or not. 

He’s a hero, after all, the biggest one you know. 

-

The pictures end up being released about a month later, to which all of your friends (and almost the entirety of Japan) immediately pick up their phone to ask you about. They gush over Dynamight, telling you how lucky you are to have scored the modeling gig, to have been so up close and personal with the Dynamight himself, but you can only laugh in response.

Looking at the photos, though, you can see what they mean, as once again you are reminded of just the sheer size of him, the images doing nothing to hide the way your head doesn’t even reach his chin, or how his fingers on your waist easily dip toward your belly button in a tight squeeze.

Or the fact that in all of them, he looks at you like he’s absolutely, positively smitten.

And from the glaring, possessive look in his eyes, you are also reminded of your escapade in the dressing room, the way Bakugo smiled at you, and the large cock that will haunt your sexual fantasies for the rest of your life.  

It’s honestly no wonder that, when the Dynamight himself posts a photo from the shoot on his personal page, the caption is a bold, “call me.”

[illfoandillfie]

please give me Anything himbo roger i need this like perhaps... him being obsessed with eating pussy? pls? - cloud anon

I’m so so so glad you requested more himbo rog because i love any excuse to write him lmao. This is a bit of a long one, certainly well over blurb length but what are you gonna do. I just have a lot of thots where himbo rog is concerned and then there was that convo a little while ago about dressing him in a maid uniform and I had to use it in here. 

warnings: smut, hypnosis & bimbofication, dom!reader, fingering, pegging, oral sex (f receiving), hand job, a little bit of spanking, a little choking, a very brief mention of public sex, free use (perhaps leaning ever so slightly into consensual non consent), humiliation and degradation

Blurb Advent: Day 15

Future Management Series (all my bimbo/himbo writing)

Taglist:  @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @ilovequeenmorethanyou @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies @cherries-n-rocknroll @rogersslave @scorpiogemini  

The costume shop was quiet when you entered it, one of the fluorescent lights at the far end flickering. The lady at the counter looked up from her magazine, her gaze lingering on Roger for a moment before she looked back down.

“What was the theme again?” you asked Roger as you flicked through a rack of women’s costumes.

“The letter M,” he replied from one of the other racks.

“How did Freddie pick that?”

“Dunno, you’d have to ask him. Bigger question is what are we going to wear.”

“What about Mickey and Minnie Mouse?” you shrugged.

“That sounds easy. And we’d look cute as fuck.”

“Sorry, hun,” the woman at the counter piped up, “Sold out of them two days ago.”

“Rats.”

“Mice, love,” Roger teased poking his tongue out as he went to check out another row of costumes, “We could make them from scratch I suppose.”

“Left it a bit late though. We’re meant to have them by Saturday.” You headed to the counter in the hopes that the woman there would be able to speed things up, “Do you have any other costumes starting with M then?”

She sighed as she were being interrupted in a very important task before putting down her magazine and pulling out a binder full of lists of stock. Flicking through it she located the section with M. An awful lot of it had been crossed out.

“How many people are invited to this thing? And do they all shop here?”

He shrugged as he joined you at the counter, “Roughly half of London if his last party was anything to go by. What are our options?”

The women smiled at Roger, her attitude becoming much friendlier now that he was involved, “Not a lot I’m afraid. We’ve still got a Mummy, as in Ancient Egypt, ummm, a Maid, as in French, Marilyn Monroe, Mary Poppins, a Monk, Mrs Clause, Medieval Princess…”

“Looks like you’ll be easy to sort out,” Roger said to you, “not much in the way of mens costumes though. I’d be an alright Mummy I guess,”

“Sorry, should have specified. It’s a women’s costume that one. Very sexy,”

“How do you make a Mummy sexy?”

“Strategically removed bandages. I can show you if you like,” she said this last part to Roger, suggestion dripping from every word.

“What about the Monk?” you suggested.

“Ehhhh,”

“Beggars can’t be choosers Rog.”

“Alright, it’s the backup idea. Would I be able to fit in any of those other costumes though?”

The woman thought about it, giving Roger a once over as if measuring him with just her eyeballs, “The Maid maybe. Think we should have one large enough.”

“Alright I’ll try that.”

“And I’ll go Marilyn Monroe?”

“You as Marilyn? Oh there’s a joke in there somewhere…something about How To Mary A Millionaire?”

You shook your head at him, “Just go and try on your dress,”

It was a good thing Roger had no qualms about cross dressing because the maid outfit fit perfectly. One look at Roger’s legs in the short, ruffled skirt had your mind whirring with ideas. He bought both your costumes, adding in a maid’s headband and fishnet stockings for himself and a blond Marilyn wig for you. And on Saturday night you watched him don the outfit once more, struggling to keep your hands off him. Without you knowing, he’d gone and bought himself a pair of simple black heels, explaining that if he was going to do it he might as well do it properly. Unfortunately for you they just emphasised the shape of his legs in the fishnets and made his hips sway as he walked.

 The party itself was fun but you constantly found yourself zoning out, thinking about what you’d like to do to Roger before he got out of the dress.

“Love?” he asked, making you blink yourself back to the thumping music and loud voices, “You alright?’

“Fine,” you nodded.

Roger frowned and grabbed your hand, leading you away from the main throng of people, “You’ve been zoning out all night, are you sure you’re okay? Haven’t had too much to drink or anything?”

“No, it’s fine. Someone lit up a joint before and I must have breathed in some of it without meaning to.”

He gave you a look like he knew there was more to it.

“Also, maybe I can’t stop thinking about trancing you in that dress.”

“Oh,” his eyes widened and if it hadn’t been as dark as it was you would have seen a light pink stain creeping up his neck. He glanced around and then pulled you off down the hall and towards an even quieter spot, “and um, what might that look like?”

“I don’t know, got a few ideas,” your breath hitched as Roger pushed you into a dark corner of whichever room you’d ended up in, “like the idea of you on your knees. Bet I could see your arse if you leaned forward enough.”

Roger attached his lips to your throat, oblivious of if anyone else was around.

“Maybe spanking you or edg – ” you were cut off as Roger kissed you full on the mouth, his hands already working at getting his underwear and stockings down far enough to get his dick out.

“We’ll continue this conversation at home,” he said as he lifted you up, pushing your back against the wall as he moved your underwear aside.

 It took a couple of days for the topic to come up again but Roger was still just as into it as he had been at the party. He’d clearly been thinking about it too because he had almost as many ideas as you did and for a week or so you discussed it on and off. It came up intermittently, sometimes a single idea out of nowhere.

“What if you tranced me and made me think I was your maid or uhhh servant? Maybe like acted really strict? Or mean even?”

“What about I get a bell to ring to get your attention but use the hypnosis to condition you to get hornier when you hear it?”

Or sometimes it was more of a conversation with each of you building on what the other said.

“What do you think about exploring that free use thing we talked about a few months ago? Like me just having you how I want and when I want.”

“Would that require a more extended hypnosis? A whole day maybe? More?”

“No I don’t think so. I mean, maybe longer than the usual couple of hours. An afternoon? Not longer than a day though, I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that to you.”

“Then yeah okay, we did agree it sounded hot in a non-hypno way so mixing them together should work. Um, what about that pegging thing we tried?”

“You wanna do it again?”

“Yeah I think so. Again, it was pretty hot last time so doing it while I’m hypnotised can only be better, right?”

“Are you sure? We’re both pretty new to it.”

“Yeah I’m sure. I really enjoyed it,” he laughed nervously, “and I would have suggested doing it again anyway, this just seems like a good excuse.”

By the end of the week you had a pretty solid idea about what you were both looking for from the scene and what you’d both feel comfortable doing. And you arranged it so you were both at home on Friday, free to spend the morning relaxing and the afternoon playing.

After an early lunch in which you made sure to mess up the kitchen, Roger went and changed, once again putting on the dress, fishnets, hair piece and shoes. Only this time he wore one of your thongs, sheer black, underneath and a butt plug you’d picked up for him, complete with a pink jewel on the end. For your part, you dressed in one of your work outfits with a grey pencil skirt and white blouse, hopeful that it would make you seem more authoritative. Roger did a little spin for you when he was dressed and then sat in one of the kitchen chairs so you could talk him down into his trance. The scenario you’d agreed upon had him believing he was your silly brainless maid, hired to do whatever you asked. The sound of your bell meant you had another task for him, but it also made him extra horny. So horny in fact that he’d have trouble remembering what he was meant to be doing. As you dropped him deeper and he relaxed more, you noticed his legs spreading further open, making you laugh to yourself. Finally you rang the bell to wake him.

Roger grinned at you from the chair, “What can I do for you Ma’am?”

“Your first job of the day, Dummy,” you said, putting on a stern voice that left no room for argument, “is to dust off the bookshelf in the living room. It’s filthy up there.”

“Where?”

“Through this doorway,” you pointed and he dutifully stood up and began to walk toward it.

“You’ll need a duster,” you reminded him.

“Oh! Of course, Ma’am. Umm….”

“In that cupboard,”

Roger nodded, cheeks pink with embarrassment and retrieved the feather duster.

You followed him out to the living room, watching his skirt bounce with each step. He started off with the shelves at eye level, humming to himself as he brushed the duster over them, but soon had to move on to the shelves higher up. You perched yourself on the couch, acting as if you were reading though your eyes were on Roger, watching as he wobbled on his tip toes, his skirt riding up. You rang the bell and Roger jolted, looking around for you as he bit his lip.

“Yes Ma’am?”

“I think you might need to stand on a chair, Dummy. It doesn’t seem like you can reach the top shelves.”

He nodded and hurried to retrieve one, nearly running in his haste to please you.

The chair was a stroke of genius on your part. It gave you a good view up his skirt as he happily continued his dusting, especially when he leant over to get the far end of each shelf without moving his chair. You could clearly see the pink jewel every time and it made you eager to get him onto the next task. With another ring of the bell Roger jumped down to the ground and hurried to ask what he could do now.

“My shoes,” you said, pointing at the heels on your feet, “they need polishing. I want you to spit shine them for me.”

Roger blinked at you.

You clicked and pointed at your shoes again, “On your knees. C’mon, I’m not paying you to stand around and look pretty. Lick my shoes clean.”

“Yes Ma’am, sorry Ma’am,” he bowed his head and dropped to his knees where he stood, crawling over to you.

“Good Dummy,” you said as he trailed his tongue over the toe of your shoe. You’d wiped down the shoes earlier just to make sure Roger wouldn’t pick up any germs from them, but he was too brainless to notice they were already clean, enthusiastically licking at them. You made it clear you were watching him closely though. Midway through the second shoe you saw him brush his hand over the front of the skirt and stopped his shoe shining.

“I’m sorry, Dummy, is this making you horny?”

“Yes, Ma’am, it is,”

“Show me how much,” you wiggled your shoe under the hem of the skirt and pressed it lightly up, rubbing the toe against his crotch, “Hump my shoe, Maid.”

Without any more encouragement he began doing exactly as you’d asked, dragging his clothed cock along the top of your shoe, letting his eyes shut as he bit his lip.

“Alright, enough.” You pulled your food free and held it out in front of you, “Is it my imagination or did you make a mess on my shoe?”

He tilted his head to the side.

“I think you’re so fucking horny you’ve got precum all over my shoe. Is that right?”

“I don’t know,”

“Well,” you grabbed him by the hair and pushed him over the streak, “clean it up and tell me.”

Roger whimpered as you pulled his hair to move him where you wanted but thanked you for helping him and confirmed you were right. After that you felt he deserved a reward so you readjusted yourself, pulling your pencil skirt a little higher up your legs before you rang the bell again.

Roger groaned quietly at the sound, his breathing a little harder than before and then sat back. His eyes fell to where your skirt was gathered against your thigh as you crossed your legs.

“What now Ma’am?” he watched closely as you recrossed your legs, “Is there something else you’d like me to lick?”

“I don’t know. Is there something else you’d like to lick?”

He nodded, eyes still firmly on your thighs.

“Aren’t you just a pathetic little slut.”

“Am I?”

“I’m afraid so. Do you understand why?”

Roger nodded, still staring at your crotch, and then shook his head.

“Oh Dummy. It’s one thing to be my good little maid and eat me out when I tell you to, it’s entirely different for you to ask to do it. Do you see how slutty that makes you?”

Roger tilted his head and then shook it.

You tutted at him and knocked the bell as if on accident.

He whined at the sound.

“Crawl to the dining room. I want you to wash the floor in there.”

“But…please? I want to lick you soooooo bad and I’d be so good at it.”

“Careful, Maid. Now crawl.

“Yes Ma’am.” Roger dipped his head in apology and began crawling to the next room.

You stepped around him to retrieve a bucket of water and a cloth, placing both on the floor of the dining room where he stopped, “You know what to do.”

He looked at the bucket and back to you, confusion written all over his face.

With an exaggerated and exasperated sigh you handed him the cloth and, taking hold of his wrist, plunged his hand into the warm water. He gasped as you then wrenched it free and dropped it to the floorboards.

“Scrub.”

He nodded, looking mildly upset and dragged the cloth slowly over the floor.

You watched for a little while before coming up behind him, “Put your back into it, stop being lazy.” you pressed his upper back with your foot to make him bend forward.

His neck and face were bright pink, though it was hard to say whether it was arousal or embarrassment that was making him flush more. He did as you asked though, scrubbing the floor harder. You stepped behind him again, admiring the view and occasionally reminding him what you expected. After you felt you’d watched him struggle enough you stepped up behind him again. He pushed the cloth harder, expecting another reprimand. Instead you trailed you hand over the curve of his arse, pushing his skirt up higher.

Roger stilled, though you heard him whine softly into the floor.

“You’re doing a very good job, Dummy.”

He gasped when you suddenly spanked him but he pushed his arse back against your hand.

“You want another?”

He shook his head but kept pressing back against you.

“But I think you do,” You gave him another spank, “Now keep being good and see if you can earn some more.”

He nodded and smiled, though there were tears in his eyes, and then returned to scrubbing the floor.

 You let him go for a while, stepping out into the other room to calm down and get ready for the next part of the plan. You could feel your wetness pooling in your underwear with how turned on you were at ordering Roger around and how much he was enjoying it. Originally you were going to make him wait to get you off until after you’d fucked him but perhaps you could have your cake and eat it too. All the same you headed to the bedroom to gather the strap and dildo you’d bought when the topic of pegging had first arisen between you. You grabbed them and the lube and then put them down again as you considered your next move. The conclusion you came to was that there wasn’t much point having a desperate bimbo toy if you were only going to deny yourself. Roger came as much as he wanted when you were the one under his influence, so why shouldn’t you do the same. You quickly shimmied out of your underwear, and then picked everything up again, dropping it on the couch in the living room on your way back to see how Roger was getting along. He was still scrubbing though he’d spilt some of the water as he’d moved the bucket, the top of his dress wet in patches. You pulled out one of the chairs, standing in front of it as you rang the bell, and watched as Roger squirmed at the sound.  

“What can I do for you Ma’am?”

“Come here.”

He immediately dropped the cloth and crawled towards you.

“Good Dummy. Need your fingers to make me feel good.” You rucked your skirt up and dropped onto the seat, placing one leg up on the table.

Rogers eyes lit up and he leaned forward as if to lick hungrily along your slit.

You grabbed his hair and held him back.

“Ma’am?” Roger whined, struggling against your grip with his tongue hanging out, desperate to reach your cunt.

“I said fingers, slut.”

Roger whimpered again but brought his hand up, trailing his fingers along your slit.

“That’s right Dummy. You’re gonna finger me and make me cum and you’re going to keep your eyes up here so I know you’ll behave yourself.”

He nodded rapidly, his eyes on yours, “You’re wet,”

“You know how much I like watching your cute little arse work. C’mon, finger me,” you instructed, waiting until he’d sunk one digit into you before continuing, “Love seeing you with that pretty plug. Makes me want to use you.”

“Ma’am can I…?”

“I didn’t say you could talk. Focus.”

Roger’s eyebrows furrowed as he pulled his finger out and pressed it back in.

“You look confused Slut. What’s the matter?”

“Is this good?”

You smiled indulgently at that, half convinced he’d been about to ask to eat you out again, “So good Dummy. Add a second finger.”

He did as you asked, automatically curling them against you as he pulled them out.

“You’re such a good, obedient servant.” You relaxed back into the chair, letting Roger find a good rhythm.

He was quiet for a bit, concentrating, and then “Can I lick you now?”

You made a tutting noise, “I thought you understood your position.”

“Pos-tition?”

“I guess I have to explain it again then. I don’t care if you like licking cunt, this isn’t about you. You’re my maid. Your job is to serve me however I want, remember? I don’t care if you want something different. You’re mine to use how and when I want. Those were the conditions I hired you under, do you understand?”

“Yes Ma’am,”

“Are you sure? Then why haven’t I cum yet?”

Roger kept his eyes locked on yours as he sunk a third finger into you, pumping them faster and bringing his other hand up to rub your clit.

“Better,” you managed to get out, though it was much breathier than you’d intended.

Roger poked his tongue out between his teeth as he put all his energy into pleasuring you. You let your head drop back, rocking your hips in time with his thrusts as he sank his fingers deep into you, his other hand firmly occupied too. He slid his thumb between your lips and up to circle your clit, spreading your arousal over your cunt. The mixture of sensations sent you over the edge without too much delay, your legs clamping shut to keep his hand where you wanted it until you’d come down. Afterwards you made Roger hold his fingers up, cleaning them off with your own tongue. He whined and pouted as he watched you lick up your juices, so desperate to taste you for himself. You gave him a small concession though, grabbing his cheeks when you were done to force his mouth open. He looked confused as you brought your face close and spat onto his tongue, your saliva tinged with what you’d just licked from his fingers. But he thanked you with a big smile and a small hum of satisfaction as he swallowed it.

“What now Ma’am?” he asked softly, sitting up straighter and glancing at the bell.

You bumped the bell against your palm as if in thought, watching Roger wince with each ring, “The kitchen needs a tidy up. Go in there and wipe down all the benches for me, okay? I’ll be back soon to check on you.”

Roger nodded and walked on unsteady legs back through the house. You followed him, needing to point him in the right direction a couple of times, and then continued on to the living room to collect your supplies and remove your skirt. It took you a little while to figure out the harness. Last time Roger had helped you get set up so doing it on your own was a little confusing. You took a breath and reminded yourself you were a smart and capable woman and that you could figure out a simple sex toy on your own, and eventually got it on right. When you were comfortable you popped open the lube and spread more than you thought you’d need along the shaft of the toy. It still felt a little bizarre to look down and see a penis, even if it was obviously fake. The first time you’d tried it on you’d wondered aloud if the work you did for those living rough would have been easier to achieve if you had a real one and Roger had suggested you wear it to work one day and find out. You’d laughed at how ridiculous that was and the memory made you chuckle again as you double checked everything was in the right place.

Roger was in the kitchen when you arrived, standing at the bench with a cloth in his hand, humming to himself, though he seemed to have forgotten what he was meant to be doing. You stepped behind him and ran your hand up the inside of his thigh, over the stockings.

The humming stopped and he stilled, “Ma’am?”

“Bend over.”

He did as you asked, his chest and arms leaning on the bench.

You felt him up, letting your hands roam under his skirt, brushing over his cock and along his thigh and over his arse, making his shiver and whine. “Good thing this dress is so short, Dummy. Makes it so much easier for me. And it makes you look like a slut. You’re very hard by the way, does that mean you like it when I tell you what to do?”

His voice was soft when he spoke to the bench top, “Yes, Ma’am,”

“That’s good because I like telling you what to do. And you should be happy to know that I’m wet from watching my brainless maid working all day.”

“I am happy!”

“You are?”

“Mmhmm. Maybe I could help you Ma’am, I love cunt so much.”

“Aww Dummy,” you cooed, stroking your fingers through his hair, “That’s sweet of you to offer but it’s not what I want right now,” you took the fishnets in both hands and tugged until a rip formed right along the back, “For now I want you to stay bent over for me so I can use you. Just like I talked about before, remember?”

“When you said I’m yours to use how you want?”

“You do remember! Good boy!”

“And you said, ummmm,” he gasped as you moved his underwear aside and began slowly working the plug out of him, adding lube to make it easier

“Go one, what else did I say?” you asked as you pushed the plug back in, fucking him with it, adding more lube as necessary.

“Umm, you said they were the,” he stretched out the word as he thought hard, “oh! The co-com-bit-ons and that its, umm, my job to serve you?”

“Very good! That was so much to remember, I’m very impressed.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, Dummy. I think I’ll have to give you a reward for remembering it all so well.”

Roger looked over his shoulder at you, grinning, “Thank you Ma’am,”

“Alright, turn back around, I’m still going to use you. Because….?”

“Because I’m yours?”

“Good boy,” you pulled the plug free and placed it on the bench beside you. Squeezing some more lube onto your fingers you began spreading it over his arsehole.

“‘s cold,” he said softly to the bench.

“I know baby, but it won’t be for long. And I gotta make sure there’s enough so that I don’t hurt you. And then you’ll be all ready for my cock.”

Roger nodded, flattening himself on the bench as you lined up the tip of the dildo and slowly sank into him.

Roger made a high pitched keening noise and you reached out to stroke his hair again as he adjusted.

“You okay, baby?” you asked letting the stern act drop for a moment.

Roger nodded, “yeah, ‘m okay. Just feels funny.”

“But good though?”

“Mmhmm. Good.”

“Good. I want you to like it. It’s more fun when you do.”

“I do!” as if to prove it he pushed his hips back, making you sink a little deeper.

“I can see that,” you laughed, “I’m gonna fuck you now, okay Dummy, and you’re going to enjoy it, right?”

He nodded, whining as you pulled your hips back slowly and then thrust forward again, figuring out your rhythm and adjusting to the sort of muscle movement it required. As you got more comfortable with it you let yourself be a little firmer, grasping Roger’s waist and fucking him harder, drawing more gasps and whines and moans from him. You varied your speed, sometimes faster and sometimes slower, keeping Roger from knowing exactly what you would do next (and giving yourself a break every so often). He’d taken your instruction to enjoy it to heart though. His fingernails scraped along the top of the bench as he tried to ground himself, rocking his hips back against you whenever you slowed.

“I want you to cum, Dummy. Rub your cock through your pretty sheer panties.”

“Th-through?”

“Over your panties.”

“Um,”

You stilled your hips and pulled out of him so you could grab his hand and lift his skirt, placing his palm over his cock, “now rub.”

He nodded, swallowing hard as he began to stroke himself. His hand stilled as you plunged into him again but a warning word made him remember what you wanted and he shakily followed your orders as you fucked him hard.

“How does it feel, Maid, being used for my entertainment?”

Roger babbled something incomprehensible in response. You couldn’t tell if it was just noise or if he’d been trying to form words but it was hot either way.

“C’mon, show me how much you like being my pretty little fuck doll. Be the pathetic little slut I know you are, and cum.” You panted between the words but Roger didn’t seem to notice or if he did he didn’t care. It must have sounded authoritative enough because a few seconds later he was moaning, his fingers twitching and legs shaking as he came. You slowed to a stop and replaced the dildo with his plug again before fixing his underwear and smoothing down his skirt.

“There, all pretty again,”

“Thank you Ma’am,” he sighed.

You patted his head, “Finish up cleaning off the benches in here and I’ll have another job for you.” You walked off, releasing a long breath once you were out of his hearing.

 In the time it took you to get out of the harness, put your skirt back on, throw the dildo into a sink of hot water and relocate the bell, Roger achieved very little. He hadn’t moved from where you’d bent him over though he had stood up and grabbed his cloth again, drawing circles with it over the benchtop. When you came back to get him for his next job he was shifting from foot to foot.

“What’s the matter, Dummy?”

“Nothing,”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded though he didn’t meet your eye.

“Tell me.”

“My panties…”

“Aww, is it a bit uncomfortable?”

He nodded vigorously.

“Well maybe I can distract you.” You rang the bell and watched as his eyes glazed over and his hips jolted. “The bed needs to be made Dummy. Go on, off you go.”

He nodded and hurried off, his heels clicking against the wooden floorboards, his step awkward as he squirmed in discomfort. You followed him and showed him where to get a clean sheet from, watching as he pottered around the bed pulling off all the bedding, throwing them into a pile on the floor. Putting a new fitted sheet on the mattress seemed to be too hard a task though. It was almost cartoonish how much he struggled, placing the wrong corner of the sheet on the wrong corner of the bed and then somehow repeating the same mistake when he tried to turn the sheet around. He wouldn’t stand still, uncomfortably dancing around in his cum soaked underwear, getting more and more frustrated as the corner he thought he’d got on flew up when he tried to fit the next one. Every so often you jangled the bell under the guise of getting his attention to give him a helpful tip or reprimand him for taking so long, but it had the added effect of turning him on more than he already was, his face flushed and his eyes begging. You let him continue for a few minutes and then, when he next turned in response to your bell, you surprised him by pushing him onto the mattress.

“Ma’am?” he asked, voice trembling as you positioned yourself on his thigh and pushed his dress up.

“You made such a mess before, didn’t you? Ruined your panties and I’m afraid it’s spread to your pretty dress,” you showed him the patches on the inside of the skirt from where it had rubbed against the sheer fabric of his knickers and been stained. “Lucky for you I like messy little sluts. And” you palmed him roughly, “I think you like it too. Already hard again?”

Roger shook his head but tilted his head back and whined.

You placed your hand over his throat, “Don’t lie to me, Maid. I can see it; I can feel it. You’re a dirty little slut who gets off on being my property. My dumb little fuck doll.” You punctuated the last sentence by grinding against his thigh with each word, squeezing his length through his stained underwear. “I’m going to make you cum again now and if you’re good I might see about letting you eat me out. I did promise you a reward earlier,”

“Please,” Roger whimpered, “I’ll make you feel so, so good.”

“I know, Dummy. But not yet.” You squeezed his throat at the same time you rubbed your hand over his cock, choking off the moan that had begun to build. Roger squirmed under you as you wanked him off, cooing at him about how pretty he looked and how wet it was making you. Each stroke along his shaft was accompanied by a breathy whine or moan, his head tilted back and his eyes fluttering shut. It was always fun to watch Roger be pushed towards release when he was tranced. It was fun when he wasn’t hypnotised either but there was something about taking his brain away that made him more animated and vocal. He babbled at you again, his hand grabbing your wrist as he got closer, his back arching as he tried to buck his hips up into you.

“Good boy, good Dummy,” you praised him as he finished, able to feel the warmth of his release fill the material again as you kept stroking him, milking every drop you could. He whined loudly as he became more sensitive, but you kept toying with him until tears began leaking from the corners of his eyes.

“Alright, Dummy, stay there while I take my skirt off.”

Roger remained lying where you left him, so you gave him a soft kiss and wiped away his tears, praising him a little more, before you swung your leg over his face and finally let him have what he wanted.  

 It was as if you’d told him he’d won the lottery. He just about cheered as he thanked you repeatedly and then wrapped his arms around your thighs to pull you down onto his tongue. You had to stick out an arm to try and steady yourself as he devoured you, excitedly tracing your lips with his tongue, sucking them into his mouth. He hummed and whimpered against you and used his hands to encourage you to rock yourself against his mouth, spreading your wetness across his face. At one point, so giddy with joy, he giggled, and you jolted at the bizarre tickling sensation of his breath. But that just seemed to spur him on as he licked and sucked every inch of your cunt he could reach. You weren’t sure if his end goal was to make you cum or if he just got very excited and enthusiastic about pussy but, either way, the result was the same. It was impossible to hold back your release as his tongue slid along your folds and his lips latched onto you. He hummed as you gasped and tensed above him, refusing to stop until you pried his hands from your thighs and let yourself fall back to the bed. He pouted as if he wanted to throw a tantrum at having his favourite food taken away, but you managed to make him smile by telling him how incredible you felt and how good he was.

He let you lie down next to him and listened quietly as you talked him out of the trance, reminding him who he was and the reality of your situation. You waited as Roger opened his eyes, stroking his hair back from his face softly as everything returned to him.

“Wow,” was the first thing he said, “That was,” he cleared his throat and pushed himself to sit up, “that was something.”

“Yeah?”

“I mean, a very fun something,” he hurried to clarify so you wouldn’t worry, “I take it you enjoyed yourself too?”

You laughed and nodded, “Definitely. This is going to sound bad but I like being mean to you.”

“I get it,” he leaned over to kiss you softly, “I like being mean to you too.”

“And the pegging and free use stuff? All of that was okay? How do you feel now?”

“Oh, better than okay. That was brilliant. We’re definitely playing with them more in the future. Bit sore now and I really, really want to get out of this thong. Also take the plug out.”

“I can arrange that. D’you want some help with the plug?”

“Yes please.” Roger shifted onto his stomach, trying to relax so you could peel off the underwear and slowly wiggle the plug out of his arse, “Add these knickers to the list of ones I’ve ruined though.”

“That’s only cause I get such a kick out of making you cum in your pants.”

He hummed, wincing a little as the plug slipped all the way out, “y’know one of these days I’m going to wake up from a trance and decide to gag you with whatever underwear you made me destroy while I keep eating you out. I still have a bit of a lingering need to have my head between your legs and I do so enjoy overstimulating you.”

“Save that for a special occasion,” you laughed, giving his bum a tap to let him know he could roll over, “C’mon, shall I run us a bath?”

Roger nodded and let you pull him up, kissing you softly before he stood on slightly wobbly legs followed you out of the bedroom.

[cyansimblr]

Highkey love your style of editing in your 25 day challenge. Do you mind doing a tutorial/going through your thought process when your making these edits?

Awwww thank you so much that’s so sweet of you!! (*´∀`*) I’d love to record a video doing the whole thing while i explain my thought process at the same time in the background but i’m soo broke and can’t get a decent earphones for the life of me so please bear with my screenshots for now anonny~

[ Very long tutorial / explanation below the cut! ]

1. Inspiration Pinterest is my first stop! I go and search “graphic design / graphic designing” and see where it will lead me. Most of the time i mix-match those i liked the most while scrolling, while thinking about how would it look like when posted in tumblr. It actually take me hours just to get a grasp of what i actually wanted to do - especially when it comes to my lookbooks because for some reason, they always look off to me hhh im a slow worker :((

2. Thought process? I honesty do not have one most of the times and i wish i do because going to photoshop mindlessly is just me asking to get hours of my life wasted when i can finish one in just minutes if i had a plan well-thought out.

3. Brain empty Sai goes to Photoshop When i did my lookbook, i actually saw a very similar-looking one and thought that i can easily recreate it and make it look like a fashion magazine spread. Magazines always have that geometric elements slapped on it to ‘accentuate’ the natural curves of the human models. (Organic - Inorganic shapes principle) So i started by adding a huge square, thinking that it should be where the model is placed.

But i was like, “oh no i bet i’d just go slap some grid patterns again huh” and tried to add more shape, this time is smaller until it follow my sims’ form. I also placed my sim already, thinking that maybe i can get more ideas with the subject inside.

He looks so handsome!! When i placed Citron, i indeed got ideas on how to make it look more of a magazine...but it looks so flat. I then added drop shadows, but i don’t want the shadow to have any light direction because it would feel flat on certain angles so i reduced the distance while making the cover bigger. Here’s the setting i used! (You can experiment, or even change the blend mode depending on your color scheme as well.)

From this part, i spent hours trying to figure how to place the texts. I originally planned it to be placed at the left side, hence there’s a free space... but i can’t really feel it. I ended up with this one long rectangle but the space is still too big so i made it two.

Since i can’t rack my brain hard enough yet for text placement ideas, i just skipped it and went searching for Citron’s background. I really reallyyy wanted to just take a picture of the scenery in game but it doesn’t fit the theme that i like at the moment soooo

Thank the heavens for unsplash! I used keywords ‘modern art / texture backgrounds / painting background’ and from there i mindlessly scroll (once again) looking for something stylish?

And tadaaaa! I placed the image and set to clipping mask on Citron’s ‘background square’ and it looks less empty now! ( ´ ω ` ) (A quick tip if you want to just change the color scheme of your textures: You can use Hue/Saturation adjustment layer!)

Time to browse pinterest (again) for magazine ideas! I then ended up with the clean caption at the top. Meanwhile, the huge number behind Citron was something i got while browsing picsart!! Added a drop shadow on it as well so it pops ;w; It looks so great at this point i was crying- I can also share my font folder if someone wants it.

Almost done!! I added a more cutesy wallpaper, (Preferrably stars/clouds/planets) tweaked the color of the wallpaper with hue/saturation adjustment layer, and made sure that the colors are cohesive...

and it’s done! I hope this can help! I can do screen sharing via discord too if anyone wants to, just hit me up. (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[zombiebaratiddies]

Post for my tags!

Heya! Here's a post for my tagging system. Some things may have confused u for what a tag means, so here!!

Oh i should note that most of my tags are commentary? Tho i'm... very confused as to why u followed me if u don't read my tags ^^;

Anywho!

For general posting!

"Reblog" - ok this one's p self-explanatory but it's what i tag the posts i reblog with! It's... a tad useless bc 95% of my blog is reblogging but! I've done it for so long it doesn't feel right to just stop dattebayo

"Reblog to spread the word" - these are mainly used on informative posts? But can also be used on posts that are like "hey i hope u have a good day today and u deserve good things" bc i feel that way abt nyall :> oh and it can also b used as a tag for things that are too light-hearted to put in save a life!

"Reblog to save a life" - thsse are posts w p heavy topics! Donation posts also fall into this category bc i kno they can make some feel guilty as they can't donate, n i wanted to put that stuff into a neat lil tag.

"Spread them commissions like butter on bread" - my commissions tag! I rb a lot of commission posts, so if u ever feel generous n donate some muns, then hop into that tag or save a life to find some peeps to throw ur money at!!

"Long Post" - i don't use this one often but i use it for posts that require me to lazily scroll 2+ times to get to the bottom of it! For conveniency, if peeps don't wanna open that can of worms. Oh, and this one can be requested to add to a post! Not sure if i ever said that ('v')b

"The Habby Place" - this used to be called "Happy Vibes", but I changed it to the habby place! There are still some posts tagged as the latter so im sure if u searched that u could find some more, but this is my positivity tag! Posts to look at when ur feelin down abt smth n just wanna look at cute animals or validating posts :D

For friends!

"Okaeri!" - this is my tag for my very poggers friend, franiel!! It's the romanized version of the japanese phrase, "Welcome back!" as their url used to be maidsonas (n maids normally say "welcome back!" to regulars, from what im gatherin)

"Extra! Extra!" - the tag I use for my very good best friend johnny! I kno xem for being into newsies, so i thought abt that n the song Hush Hush Magazine - Tape Five popped up. it's heard in the background of the pre-chorus!

"Zeus' Horny Mistake" - the tag i use for my very good older bro lyle!! U probs won't see this tag much bc i normally use the people tags for like. Posts he made, BUT. i wanted to include it anyways >:)

"J'adore les étoiles" - the tag I use for my very good best friend Air! J'adore les étoiles translate to "I love the stars", which is a song by The Orion Experience (where the line comes from). They also go by Star, which is why I thought of it! Normally used when they send me posts

"Jus a swarm of bees :>" - the tag I use for my very good best friend Bee!! Tbh i was tryin to think of smth more witty when coming up for a tag but that.. was what stuck? So i stuck w it!!

For personal posts!

"Zombie Murmurs" - speaking of posts made by OP, this is my tag for posts i made! You know, like this one ajfjsjf to me it makes sense both as a brian monster prom kinnie (where i get my name from) n also w my url so >:3

"Ask me Anything!" - a tag i use for ask games and when i receive asks! (Very rare lmao)

"Tag You're It" - the tag i use for posts that are like "put your experiences w this thing in the tags" n stuff. If u kno the reference to the tag no u don't ♡ /j

For fandoms!

If i recall, most of them just have the name of the fandom but i kno there are exceptions!! Ill update this as i remember them (like w the other tags too)

Tho i will say that i do put "[series] spoilers" at the end of things often if it's specific so keep that in mind ('v')b

"Leg" - The Legend of Zelda series! Referencing a tumblr post where peeps were editing the cover of Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild to say things like "Legend of Zegend: Breath of the Weath" to which it got to just "Leg".

"Ryu ga Gotoku" - would u believe me if i said that i made this entire post just to use this point sjfjskf but yaya!! I'm gonna b using this title for the Yakuza game series as i feel it's gonna become a Big interest of mine as time goes on skfjsjf

(Note: I moved most of my ykz content over to my hyperfix sideblog, majimasteeth!)

"Phoenix Wright" - the tag I use for the Ace Attorney series! ... even though ace attorney works just as well - i think phoenix wright: ace attorney first so it's been that tag 😔 thoughhh i have a bad memory so i may switch between that one and "Ace Attorney". I'm sure u can find some content in both tags

A rulla thumb i go by is that I put game content on this blog n anime content on gayhatokareshi! Hyperfixes go on majimasteeth, and the url/theme will prolly change dependin on the hyperfix(es). Currently, my hyperfixes are: Genshin Impact, Ryu ga Gotoku, and The Magnus Archives. I'll prolly post stuff there when someone sends posts to me, but!! Yaya

[samwebsteruniblog]

Completed Zine

-Pact Coffee

My zine at first look is entangled with a sleeve, the sleeve is a mix of expressively detailed coffee plants and beans. I chose to have it wrapped to help keep the zine packed together but to also instantly make the theme about nature clear while keeping the coffee company in mind.

The front cover with the sleeve looks like this and the back cover looks like,

Once the sleeve is removed the original analogue and digitally made front cover is used, where I changed the size of the zine to make it more accessible to all types of coffee drinkers it spreads over both front and back however I believe that it still works and is quite interesting because it makes u want to open the zine to see how it looks completed.

I chose to keep in the coffee bean finger print as I tried to create something else to feel the space or to fully lose it but the cover felt empty without it.

The next pages took a lot of experimenting and I have made more detailed posts about the choices I made and experimentation I did to get to the final product. I personally am very happy with each page especially when looking at the first ideas I had for each one.

The introduction pages would be similar in each issue just with a few things changed like the photo, and colour as the zine is made to be one in four for pacts campaign promoting the nature and farmers in each of their single blend countries. This one is green as its about Brazil.

The next page is the first that goes into detailed information about the animals the first animal is a Toucan however the text after that goes on to explore and talk about other birds commonly found in brazil. This text also talks a little about the farmers and I used this as a way to control the narrative by saying the farmer works in and near these jungles with all this exotic life.

This page was hard to do as I first made it as a spread however if you see previous posts it was very messy and had to many colours to feel professional so I decided to change it and  make each page individually, and I really think it turned out successfully. I did tone down the colours and made it more earthy and coffee like as I felt it was very fitting.

The pages with more illustrative and collaged art will be placed around the cafe as posters these would then be able to change and be refreshing with each zine providing new and some what exclusive art as it will only be available to see in the shops for a set amount of time, producing a little must have feeling in pacts loyal customers who would want to collect all zines.

The next page was made as a slight homage to classic wildlife magazines such as The National Geographic and Nature, I did try to include more text on the left page however decided against it as part of the zines idea and theme was to be visual the last page is purely informal and talks about three animals found in Brazil.

The back cover then ties together to the front but looks like this on its own,

The front and back cover together look like this,

Overall I am very happy with how the zine as come together and I believe the theme and the idea is clear throughout and I'm proud to have made it flow easily and actually retain visuals so that it is aesthetically pleasing to go through.

Notes after tutorial, I already addressed my decision to keep the thumb print in and I do believe that it works with the design, I have used multiple type faces in the first pages but as the green text is really just the background I don't really feel the need to change that, also raised was the question about stopping the readers to just litter the zine after and I hadn't really thought about this because in my mind I was under the impression that the zine wouldn't be free. I realise now that charging for such a small zine for a profit would be ridiclious so my idea would be to have the zine sold but with all profits going towards preserving the nature in these countries with the 4 issues. Each country they represent would be the country where pact would make a donation with these profits. This then helps the zine have a bigger impact with its theme it will also stop the litter. Especially as the zine is going to have original or exclusive content I do believe that pacts loyal customers would want to help and even just environmentally cautious customers in these independent coffee shops. This also opens up the ideas for more products such as posters of the art in all of these zines to be sold as prints, the tote bag and even the coffee cups could have its profits or a percentage given to the cause. I think this is a really smart way of solving that problem while tightening the theme of the zine. I also believe that these customers will be willing to spare a few pounds especially as the limited edition of 500 or less of each issue it will create a slight sense of hype. This isn't unusual of pact to do limited edition campaigners and events either.

The designs and art made in this zine will also be created as posters and a tote bag for the front cover. These would then change during the other issues so it gives a lot of extra product opportunity for pact.

There would be a handful of posters available for customers with each issue changing, this would make more opportunities to help the farmers out.

The sleeve illustration was also made with the idea to be placed on to disposable coffee cups, I didn't really want to explore the branding to much with these as I wanted them to be used in independent coffee shops while still being tied to Pact just more subtly. These could also be turned into a cup that is reusable further linking to the charity side of this idea.

Also a few examples of the same print on packaging, however this doesn't show origins or blends but Is just an example of what work from the zine could like look like on packaging. I chose to use the brazil zine front cover illustration on one mock up as an idea of other ways the zine art could be used.

overall I believe the project was a success and Im happy with how my work turned out, through development shown on previous posts I was able to explore and experiment until finally coming to an end product that I am now happy with.

[aurora-daily]

AURORA.

Interview by Daniel Megarry for Gay Times Magazine’s issue #497 (July 1st, 2019).

Norway’s eu­phoric-pop con­nois­seur on fighting climate change through mu­sic and why big­ots will al­ways lose in the fight against love.

There re­ally is no other artist quite like Aurora. When we meet the 22-year-old Nor­weigan on a rainy day in Lon­don, one of the first things she (quite glee­fully) tells us is that she styles and trims her own hair with a pizza cut­ter. It’s ex­actly the kind of quirky, DIY ap­proach to life we’ve come to ex­pect from Aurora, who si­mul­ta­ne­ously ex­udes a child­like sense of won­der and a wis­dom well be­yond her years. Much like lis­ten­ing to her mu­sic, chat­ting to Aurora is a calm­ing ex­pe­ri­ence, but one that also pro­vokes thought and stays with you long af­ter the record’s stopped spin­ning. Right now, she’s pre­oc­cu­pied with the state of the en­vi­ron­ment, stress­ing that our gen­er­a­tion is the one that has the power to de­stroy or save the earth, a mes­sage that pen­e­trates the lis­tener’s mind on A Different Kind Of Hu­man, the cine­matic sec­ond ‘step’ (or half) of her new al­bum. While Step One was in­tro­spec­tive, Step Two sees Aurora look­ing out­wards, mak­ing noise and ques­tion­ing how we can fix things be­fore it’s too late.

“Peo­ple are so afraid of be­ing po­lit­i­cal, es­pe­cially in pop mu­sic,” she muses, “and that’s why I want to make good, in­tel­lec­tual, emo­tional pop mu­sic that can reach out to peo­ple and speak about something im­por­tant, and re­mind us of something other than all this stuff we don’t re­ally care about.” She’s also pas­sion­ate about Pride, be­ing part of the LGBTQ com­mu­nity – although like many young peo­ple, she prefers not to put la­bels on her­self – and en­cour­ag­ing love, which she says will “save us all” one day. As her new record con­tin­ues to win over fans and crit­ics, we sat down with Aurora to find out how be­ing at one with na­ture shaped her unique out­look on life and mu­sic, why it’s “not even worth lis­ten­ing” to ho­mo­phobes, and how her track Queen­dom is an an­them for all the queers of the world.

Con­grat­u­la­tions on the al­bum re­lease. How are you feel­ing now it’s out in the world?

Well the day it was re­leased, I ac­tu­ally cried a bit at midnight...

Happy cry­ing though, right?

Yeah, happy cry­ing. But also re­lief that you can truly let a lit­tle part of your life go, and then you have so much space the next morn­ing, it’s ridicu­lous how big a dif­fer­ence it is for me. Step One was very sensitive, whereas Step Two is much more pow­er­ful, and so I wanted to split this al­bum into two parts be­cause of the very dis­tinc­tive moods and per­spec­tives. I had one emo­tional jour­ney I wanted to bring peo­ple through, but it was very clear which songs be­longed to which step. Step Two is me think­ing, ‘What can I do for you? What can I do for ev­ery­one else?’ It’s about re­ally ac­knowl­edg­ing that we’re co­ex­ist­ing to­gether with the peo­ple around us and with na­ture.

Na­ture is a big theme for this al­bum, es­pe­cially the dam­age that we’re do­ing to the planet. Is this something that worries you?

I think about it a lot, es­pe­cially now that we know so much. We are in­vent­ing new, much more en­vi­ron­men­tally-friendly ways of do­ing things all the time, and we al­ready have a good replacement for plas­tic wa­ter bot­tles. We have the tools, but peo­ple refuse to use them, which re­ally frus­trates me. We have no ex­cuses any­more be­cause we have the knowl­edge, the in­tel­li­gence, the money, the power. We have ev­ery­thing ex­cept for the will, maybe, or the en­ergy to do it.

I think some peo­ple find it hard to think that far into the fu­ture. If it’s not an im­me­di­ate threat, they don’t care. But it will come even­tu­ally.

It will come, and maybe within our life­time, be­cause things are al­ready hap­pen­ing, and we are re­ally dam­ag­ing the planet. I think in gen­eral, our nat­u­ral way is to be em­pathic and to care, be­cause I be­lieve we are good. That’s what I have to be­lieve. But to give ex­tra meaning and ex­tra per­spec­tive to your life, and to be a part of something bitter than your­self – that will change us. It makes us happy, I think, to be a part of something bitter than us, to re­alise we are part of a team. It’s this beau­ti­ful thing that hap­pens when we fight for something that should be im­por­tant to us all. We have a choice now: Will we be the gen­er­a­tion that de­stroyed the world, or will we be the gen­er­a­tion that saved it? That’s what I care about right now.

You clearly have a re­ally strong con­nec­tion with na­ture – why do you think that is?

Well, I didn’t like school, I al­ways knew I was different, I didn’t know where I fit in – all of that shit. I found a lot of com­fort in my­self and I was my best friend, but peo­ple didn’t un­der­stand me and I felt like it was my fault – and for all the peo­ple out there who feel the same, the world is so much bitter than what you think, and one day you’ll go out and you’ll be able to give the world something spe­cial that hasn’t been given be­fore, that’s why peo­ple like us are made. So I didn’t know where I be­longed, but I knew when I was in na­ture. When I was there I felt like I was given time to be a philoso­pher, I dis­cov­ered the power of my own mind, and I fig­ured out my problems. I re­alised what I could change and what I couldn’t change, and it re­ally made me a bet­ter and hap­pier hu­man. I’m very in­spired by that, be­cause what na­ture has given to me, I want to give to peo­ple who don’t have na­ture on their doorstep as I had. I think that’s the biggest in­spi­ra­tion I want my mu­sic to of­fer peo­ple, that sanc­tu­ary and the feel­ing of be­ing safe and at home. Safety is such an im­por­tant emo­tion that isn’t ob­vi­ous to a lot of peo­ple.

Do you find it quite di cult to nav­i­gate things like so­cial me­dia and stream­ing, which are ob­vi­ously so im­por­tant for artists to em­brace now?

Yeah, I do. I find it re­ally over­whelm­ing, ac­tu­ally. It’s hard to have ac­cess to ev­ery­thing all the time, be­cause then ev­ery­thing loses some of its value, it just be­comes noise, and it be­comes hard to define what’s pre­cious. I don’t re­ally use lots of stream­ing ser­vices, be­cause I don’t like hav­ing ev­ery­thing avail­able. I like buy­ing what I want and I lis­ten to that again and again. I of­ten take long pe­ri­ods off, which I think is healthy. There was a time in the be­gin­ning where my fans, or my sup­port­ers – the word fan is such a weird word, be­cause we’re all just peo­ple who love mu­sic – they would make so­cial me­dia pages, and they would write things like, ‘Sorry I haven’t been ac­tive lately, I have so much to do’, and it just broke my heart. Why would you say sorry? Who cares? It’s lovely that you want to share things, and you have things to say, but don’t feel guilty. So I also try to spread that to my­self and oth­ers, that it’s im­por­tant to take time away. Even if you have art to share, it be­comes bet­ter if you’ve been out­side and got­ten the in­put that will help you do something amaz­ing. You need that time off. It’s re­ally im­por­tant.

You’ve spo­ken about hav­ing a girl­friend in the past. Do you iden­tify as part of the LGBTQ com­mu­nity?

I haven’t re­ally thought about it be­fore, but yeah, I guess I have to say that I do. I knew that it was my right to love who­ever I wanted to love, and I’m very pas­sion­ate about that. I’m very sensitive to reading the news, I find it very dif­fi­cult, and some­times they try to fool us and make us think that the world is such a hor­ri­ble, dan­ger­ous place be­cause peo­ple like to read about aw­ful things, but it’s not. The world is re­ally good. Hu­mankind is such a com­pli­cated and aw­ful and beau­ti­ful cre­ation, and it just blows my mind some times... and then I re­mem­ber that we have love. Some­times you fall into a hole, and you ques­tion ev­ery­thing that’s go­ing on, but ev­ery time I re­mem­ber we have love, and that’s go­ing to save us all one day. Ev­ery­one who brings hate to­wards the LGBTQ com­mu­nity, they will die, but love will not die. So it’s al­most not even worth lis­ten­ing to them. They try to pick a fight against love, which is quite ridicu­lous, be­cause they will never win. As long as peo­ple have love in them, love will ex­ist.

We’re mov­ing to­wards a world where la­bels don’t mat­ter as much any­more, and peo­ple can just be them­selves. I feel like that ties in very well with you as an artist.

I think so too. But also I think if peo­ple want to define them­selves be­cause it strength­ens their sense of com­mu­nity or be­long­ing, that’s fine. There can be many rea­sons why peo­ple want to define them­selves, or define something un­de­fin­able. If some­one wants to define me or put me in a box, that’s fine, be­cause you can have feet in all the boxes. But I don’t feel like I have to define any­thing about my­self, and it’s so gor­geous the way we are mov­ing to­wards that free­dom. I think if you go back a long, long time ago in the ages of gods and monsters, we were even more open. We’ve been there be­fore, where sex was sex, and love was love, and ev­ery­thing was just about feel­ing good, be­cause that’s quite simple re­ally. It’s very beau­ti­ful and it al­lows peo­ple to truly be­come fan­tas­tic, be­cause peo­ple are given no roles, they are just free, and then truly amaz­ing things can happen.

Your song Queen­dom is very much about fe­male em­pow­er­ment, but it also seems like a queer an­them...

Oh ab­so­lutely, that was the seed of the flower, it was the main in­spi­ra­tion behind it. I don’t think we can save the world be­fore we know our value, and it’s hard to know your value when some­one is try­ing to tell you that what you are is not right – that’s so de­struc­tive and so point­less! So it’s very im­por­tant for me that peo­ple know their worth, and their potential. When peo­ple feel ac­cepted they be­come so good. I’m re­ally pas­sion­ate about Pride, it’s very im­por­tant to me, be­cause it’s such an ob­vi­ous bat­tle. It’s very ob­vi­ous for me to know that I’m on the right side of his­tory, and it’s so easy to be pas­sion­ate about it when I know that we are right.

You’re al­ready work­ing on your next al­bum. Will that be Step Three, or something en­tirely differ­ent?

I will re­lease a Step Three at some point, one day. I haven’t told any­one that be­fore! I’m very ex­cited. But for what I will do next, I’ve told you a lot about it al­ready in track eight, A Different Kind Of Hu­man. That tells you quite a lot about where I will be go­ing, and I’ve hid­den some hints here and there. I know the ti­tle, I have the order al­ready, I know the con­cept – and I’ve al­ready started. I ac­tu­ally started in Jan­uary. I feel like I can’t rest, I can’t sleep. Some­times I find it hard to fall asleep be­cause I have ideas, and I get adren­a­line from the thought of mak­ing new songs. I just want to make mu­sic, and I’m re­ally mak­ing sure that I have the time now that I’m so hungry for it. One day, a time will come where I don’t want to make mu­sic, I’ll want to do something else, but for now I’m re­ally grab­bing the chance. It’s very fun.

[justanotherbuckydevotee]

Only You To Trust (AU) - part 1

Word Count: 1,185 words Summary:  All the glitz and glam that LA was known for only served to hide the painful truth about people. Based on the song ‘The Hills’ by The Weeknd. Warning(s): Angst. Infidelity. Suggestive themes.  A/N: (My heart is fckng pounding rn bc im nervous for this submission). Written for @caplansteverogers ‘s song challenge. Thank you for letting me join and congratulations on your followers!

Please note that English is not my main language. Happy reading and I hope you enjoy!

masterlist 

part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4

** Gif is not mine. I found it on Google. I take no credit**

Los Angeles.

Where people sell their souls for the mass appeal. It’s all a big hoax, a continuous play masked behind lavish lifestyle, haute couture, and exclusive parties that only the elite are allowed in. People only see the staging of these puppets, invisible strings tied around by agencies and contracts. The world only sees the glamor of red carpet events, gawking at what she’s wearing, gazing at his stunning looks, comparing one to the other and fighting over who’s best, falling for the smokescreen.

Clint scoffs, dragging his cigarette to his lips as he inhales the toxic thing, spreading cancer in his lungs. Looking down at the screen of his phone he sees you wrapped tightly in someone else’s arms. Does he know where you go when he’s not around? he thought bitterly before locking his phone only to be shoved into the pocket of his jeans.

He knows he shouldn’t be angry because that photo has to be a set-up, to rouse a reaction from groupies and fanatics, to make sales. But he can’t seem to control the envy bubbling in his chest at seeing a man’s arm around your body, touching what was secretly his.

He puffs out a long exhale, watching smoke cloud his vision. He hates that you only want him in the dead of night, where there was no prying paparazzi and curios stalkers to interrupt. He hates himself for wanting this .... arrangement, when he’s got someone by his side too. But Natasha’s half a world away, doing her job as an actress and role model for millions of youth. He’s proud of what she’s achieving, gaining international recognition for her works and campaigns calling for women to defend themselves. He’s happy, he should be happy, but there’s a frown marring his face.

He knows he shouldn’t have caved into his desires, but Nat’s been gone for months now, the house they share feeling emptier the longer he stays. So when he’s had enough of the voices in his head, he takes out his bike and goes to a party somewhere down in Central, weaving through the road until he reaches a familiar building.

He sees a few people littering the surrounding area, cameras and phones at the ready. These people aren’t even trying to be subtle anymore, wanting to witness and be the first to know what was going on in the private lives of their icons.

He walks quickly to the entrance, ducking his head over a cap to avoid being photographed. But it’s impossible not to have your name being literally screamed to your face when you’re associated with Steve Rogers. Model, actor, guitarist and part-time architect, his name is renowned in the entertainment industry. Clint can’t really blame Steve for it –he’s got a natural talent and kept drawing people into him.

All too soon he’s being blinded by bright lights. Thankfully it only lasts a few moments because he’s being dragged into the building by security. Riding the elevator, it takes him mere seconds until he’s securely inside Steve’s luxurious apartment where he’s greeted by loud music.

“Well, look who it is!” he sees Steve walking towards him, bringing Clint deeper into his home, introducing him to his other friends.

“This is James” Steve introduces Clint to a man in a leather jacket, brown hair framing his face.

“Call me Bucky” the man says, outstretching his hand to give Clint a firm handshake. He moves a little to the side, revealing a stunning girl in a shimmering black dress that fit her so perfectly he’s rendered speechless. His heart does a somersault in his chest when you flash him a bright smile.

“This is (y/n)” Bucky speaks, nodding his head to you before wrapping an arm around your waist.

He knows he’s in trouble the moment his hand touched yours, the electrifying sensation dancing in his palm still vivid long after you’ve pulled away.

“ Bucky and (y/n) at LAX together “

“ Bidding a temporary good-bye: our favorite couple share an intimate moment “

“ The next Brangelina? “

Those were some of the titles that adorn newspapers and magazines as they gush at pictures of you in Bucky’s arm, the internet practically exploding with more images and candid photographs of you and him together.

If only they knew you thought to yourself, seeing yourself in the article in your hands, casual jeans and shirt adorning your body as you burrow your face closer to Bucky’s chest.

You can still feel him holding you flush against his warm body as journalists and fans alike swarmed the place, invading your space and privacy. You vaguely remember him whispering something to your ear, his hot breath fanning against your neck as his lips brush your exposed skin. The relationship you have with him is as real as Hollywood gets; you genuinely do have feelings for him but when his agency pitches the idea that you both be photographed being intimate once in a while, it makes you feel hollow inside, makes you wonder if Bucky likes you for who you are or if he’s just like the others in this industry.

“You okay?” came the gentle voice of your stylist, Wanda, as she looks at your tensed state. Sitting in front of the dressing table you avoid her gaze from the mirror as she curls your hair. You can see her concern when she pauses from what she’s doing, settling the curling wand over the table before dragging a chair to sit next to you.

You’re trying not to let your thoughts show, but Wanda can practically read minds. Her features soften, understanding now what’s been bothering you. Slowly her hand moves forward you, hooking a finger underneath your chin gently. You can’t escape from her anymore, those sympathetic green eyes boring down on you as her lips give a tight smile.

Neither one of you spoke, a wordless exchange that only the both of you could understand. You’re grateful for her existence, her support since the first day you started. She’s one of the very few people in your life who’s lucky enough to witness your growth, both in personality and career-wise, but she’s also tragically seen you be manipulated by so many in this notorious industry.

And she notices that recognizable heartache burning from inside you in this moment.

“rămâi puternic” she whispers and you simply nod. *

A few knocks on your dressing room door made you both pull away, Wanda resuming her duty while you tell the person behind your door to come in.

“We’re ready for you, Ms. (y/l/n)” an intern announces. “And I was told to give you these” he said, handing Wanda a boxed-bouquet of flowers and a crisp white shopping bag before he exits curtly.

“I wonder who gave you these”

Instead of a name to indicate who gave you these gifts, the small card inside the bag only offers two words: your admirer. Wanda is left to wonder the identity but you know exactly who they’re from, the delicate purple hues a discrete trait of his.

(* Translation: Stay strong. Idk if it’s even right bc ... well... google translate)

tagging: my angst queens @hellomissmabel @alphaabucky @captnbarnesrogers @minervaem @barnes-heaven @heartmade-writingbucky @rotisserierogers @buckyywiththegoodhair @buchananbarnestrash ||  @lovely-geek @iamwarrenspeace

send an ask if you want to be tagged. Thanks for reading!

[mleandresvad-gd]

project 3

This week i didnt get to really work on my first spread and second because i am out of town. I worked on a little on the plane and conducted a simple outline of where im going to pick back up at once i return home. I want to still give of a old feel so i think im headed for a scrapbook/ notebook kind of theme and pay homage to vinyl photos specifically. Im still going to use TARYO font as my header but im thinking about changing up the body font to make it look more professional and more like a magazine. Im going to add some outlining around surrounding images to make them look more scrapbook like. Behind my body text i am going to insert torn ntoebook paper sheets as the background image and tape around some images of the vinyl photos.

[catherinedmccracken]

April 2020 Learning Network Resources

Blogs, Issue Briefs, Opinion Pieces and More…

“What worries you most?’ Survey examines patients’ biggest health care worries.” Lown Institute. February 2020 “Fewer patients–but still a significant amount–expressed worries about health care quality: being overtreated, misdiagnosed, or getting an infection while in the hospital. Between 25-30% of patients were ‘very worried’ about these quality issues. Another theme of health care concerns was trust and communication; about 30% of respondents were ‘very worried’ about finding a doctor they could trust, or that they would not be given the information they need to make an informed decision. This survey shows that cost, quality, trust, and communication are key areas for health system reform.”

Lidner R, Levinson W, Wolfson D. Choosing Wisely: Clinicians as Agents for Change. Improving Use of Medicines and Medical Tests in Primary Care. February 2020 “Choosing Wisely differentiates itself from previous campaigns that have sought to influence medical culture by actively engaging health care professionals as leaders in change, avoiding top-down drive approaches, as well as encouraging locally driven and contextualised clinical improvements. This chapter explores the origins of Choosing Wisely, its implementation and effectiveness around the world. It identifies the criteria for success and outlines how local champions are nurtured and sustained.”

How to reduce medication overload in long-term care

. McKnight’s Long Term Care News. February 2020 “Medication overload is especially prevalent in nursing homes, because residents tend to be older and frailer, with multiple chronic conditions. While 42% of Americans over 65 are taking five or more prescription medications, more than 90% of long-term care residents take more than five medications and 65% take more than 10. As a result, nursing home residents are at a very high risk of experiencing a serious drug side effect. An estimated 2 million ADEs occur each year in nursing homes, and 1 in 7 residents are hospitalized each year as a result of an adverse drug event.”

12 emergency departments make ‘honor roll’ for reducing avoidable imaging spending by millions. Radiology Business. February 2020 “The American College of Emergency Physicians is recognizing a dozen emergency departments across the U.S. for their work to reduce unnecessary imaging and improve care for patients. Those involved are participants in the doc group’s Emergency Quality Network Honor Roll, which includes a year-long collaborative during which physicians share their imaging data and discuss best practices virtually. Since ACEP launched the effort, participating EDs have saved some $55 million from avoiding unnecessary imaging and hospitalizations. Their efforts have also led to 30,000 fewer patients being harmed by ionizing radiation according to an announcement.”

Journals

Ruka M, Moore H, O’Keeffe D. Inherited Thrombophilia Testing in a Large Tertiary Hospital in New Zealand: Implementation of a Choosing Wisely Protocol to Reduce Unnecessary Testing and Costs. New Zealand Medical Journal. April 2020 “The majority of inherited thrombophilia tests performed in our laboratory did not comply with BSH guidelines. A multimodal inherited thrombophilia Choosing Wisely programme was successful in reducing unnecessary testing. A laboratory protocol that required screening of every inherited thrombophilia request by a haematologist was necessary for the success of this programme.”

Bejjanki HH, Mramba LK, Beal SG, Radhakrishnan N, Bishnoi R, Shah C, Agrawal N, Harris N, Leverence R, Rand K. The role of a best practice alert in the electronic medical record in reducing repetitive lab tests. Dovepress. March 2020 “The present study included all hospital inpatients and covered 17 clinical laboratory tests. This rather simple and low-cost intervention resulted in significant reductions in percentage duplicates of several tests and resulted in cost savings. The study also highlights the role of hospitalists in quality improvement.”

Curtis JR, Kross EK, Stapleton RD. The Importance of Addressing Advance Care Planning and Decisions About Do-Not-Resuscitate Orders During Novel Coronavirus 2019 (COVID-19). JAMA Network. March 2020 “The COVID-19 pandemic is placing tremendous stress on health care systems. There are many important components of an appropriate response to this pandemic, including public health measures to reduce rapidity and extent of spread. Another important element of the best possible response is to ensure that clinicians have high-quality discussions both about advance care planning for individuals in the community, especially those of older age and with chronic illness, and about goals of care with patients or their families when patients have illness that requires hospitalization.”

Smith ME, Vitous CA, Hughes TM, Shubeck SP, Jagsi R, Dossett LA. Barriers and Facilitators to De-Implementation of the Choosing Wisely® Guidelines for Low-Value Breast Cancer Surgery. Breast Oncology. March 2020 “To address overuse of unnecessary practices, several surgical organizations have participated in the Choosing Wisely® campaign and identified four breast cancer surgical procedures as unnecessary. Despite evidence demonstrating no survival benefit for all four, evidence suggests only two have been substantially de-implemented. Our objective was to understand why surgeons stop performing certain unnecessary cancer operations but not others and how best to de-implement entrenched and emerging unnecessary procedures.”

Panagiotou A, Sharma K. Choosing Wisely in Post-Acute and Long-Term Care: Evaluating internal medicine residents knowledge gaps. The Journal of Post-Acute and Long-Term Care Medicine. March 2020 “The results illustrate that since the implementation of Choosing Wisely campaign, there has been an improvement in IM residents’ overall knowledge pertaining to the recommendations in the post-acute and long-term care arena. However, there is a consistent knowledge gap in their understanding of the benefits of careful hand feeding over PEG insertion and feeding in advanced dementia. IM residents are increasingly comfortable in advising against PEG insertion in patients with advanced dementia, but lack of understanding of the benefits of careful hand feeding may be limiting them to recommend this as an evidence-based approach to feeding these patients.”

Bartlett KJ, Vo AP, Rueckert J, Wojewoda C, Steckel EH, Stinnett-Donnelly J , Repp AB.  Promoting appropriate utilisation of laboratory tests for inflammation at an academic medical centre. BMJ Open Quality. February 2020 Promoting appropriate utilisation of laboratory tests for inflammation at an academic medical centre. “A simple, reproducible, multifaceted initiative was associated with sustained reductions in ESR tests and modest decreases in institutional costs. However, inappropriate ESR test ordering persisted following the intervention, suggesting opportunities for continued improvement and the possible need for more active CDS.”

Media Coverage

How to help your child avoid unnecessary medical care. The Week. March 2020 “Researchers listed and analyzed how frequently doctors prescribed 20 low-value pediatric services, including imaging procedures for sinus infections, and oral antibiotics for colds. They discovered that one in nine publicly insured and one in 11 privately insured children received such unneeded health-care services in 2014.”

2020 Leaders in Health Care Awards: Washington Health Alliance Community Checkup Award. Seattle Business. March 2020 “Awards normally go to the most or biggest. This award, however, from Seattle Business magazine and the Washington Health Alliance, takes a different approach, recognizing the smallest as the most outstanding performers in the Alliance’s latest edition of ‘First, Do No Harm,’ a report released last October that analyzed low-value health care services across the state. Award recipients provided the least amount of clinically unnecessary tests, treatments and procedures in 47 categories commonly regarded as overused by the national Choosing Wisely Program and the medical community, as measured by the Milliman MedInsight Health Waste Calculator.”

Avoiding low-value care: Learning to be an empowered consumer when you need a medical test or procedure. Cranston Herald. February 2020 “As patients, the best defense against low-value care is to feel empowered to ask questions and have a better understanding of what healthcare services cost. Asking if there are less-expensive tests, treatments or procedures; researching what your insurance may cover; and being mindful about opting for generic drugs instead of brand-name drugs (when appropriate) can all help lower costs – and it’s perfectly okay for you to ask. Providers should welcome these questions – because we all want to take wasteful spending out of the system.”

Low-value medical tests are costly, can lead to harm. Daily News. February 2020 “So what should patients do? If you have a medical abnormality that is in the gray area, it’s hard to leave it alone. Anxiety often drives the cascade. Still, patients in that situation need to ask a lot of questions about why further testing or medical procedures are necessary and whether more information would tell a doctor something new. Patients need to understand up front what the consequences might be.”

[samwebsteruniblog]

Research/development

-Food types, Cookbook

The next thing I did after all of my previous research was to create a few rough layout ideas that show all clear necessities for a cookbook, these layouts then made to show characteristics of a travel book to help show my narrative and meaning of the book.

When creating these ideas for compositions I used both cookbooks and travel books. I also used the articles posted on my other blog to help me get understanding of what makes them successful.

I then played around with my primary photos changing the hue and saturation and cropping out certain parts to highlight others, I decided to highlight the main dish because the key ingredients are the colour of the flag that the dish is from. I wasn't aware of this until I decided to cook the meal myself and I think its gives more of an impact especially as the book is focusing on where the food is from.

I didn't want the background completely black and white as I didn't believe it looked as good as just a slight juxtaposition in the food and background.

I also wanted to include some illustrations for symbols and vectors for either the ingredients or to compliment some of the information to make the book more entertaining so I had a look at a few secondary sources of logos and vectors.

Before I created my illustrations and icons I decided to get my layout done to try and find some sort of composition that works well for my mix of culture in the cookbook. I started by recreating a few from my plan but then decided to focus on one design when it started to take shape and I was happy with it. These are just for getting everything on the plan and the font and everything needs refining and actual meaning.

Then I tried to experiment a bit more with colour and potential other photos.

Now I am going to develop and refine my main layout but first I have to find fonts that help show my narrative and fonts that still are legible. The font I am going to potentially use is Italiana. Italiana was designed for use in the headlines of newspapers and magazines. Italiana is inspired by the calligraphy of the Italian masters. ... It was conceived with modern proportions that make it great for economical typesetting both on paper and on screen.

https://fonts.google.com/specimen/Italiana#about

The second font I am interested in using is slightly more out there and will be used as a heading, because of this and the nature of the book I wanted to try and use something authentic to the country my page spread is about. The font is Mostra Nuova, Mostra Nuova (2009) is based on a style of lettering seen on Italian Art Deco posters and advertising of the 1930s. Although it’s very geometric, I made subtle optical adjustments to keep it from looking too severely mechanical. I first released it in 2001 as Mostra, a caps-only design.

https://www.marksimonson.com/fonts/view/mostra-nuova

I was messing around with those fonts however I wasn't happy with how they turned out so I am trying a few more experiments with other fonts that are related to the books theme.

one of these is Centaur, Centaur is a serif typeface by book and typeface designer Bruce Rogers, based on the Renaissance-period printing of Nicolas Jenson around 1470.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centaur_(typeface

Another font is Trajan, Trajan is a serif typeface designed in 1989 by Carol Twombly for Adobe. The design is based on the letterforms of capitals monumental or Roman square capitals, as used for the inscription at the base of Trajan Column from which the typeface takes its name.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trajan_(typeface)#:~:text=Trajan%20is%20a%20serif%20typeface,the%20typeface%20takes%20its%20name.

I have now found the fonts I will be using so now I have to work on refining the page spread my next step would be to make the logos and icons so then the final stage would be tidying the composition and making sure it all is technically accurate and sound.

So I started to make the icon that I wanted but then felt it wasn't clear on my narrative and doesn't look authentic to the travel guide/culture cook book it was supposed to be so I have decided to completely scrap the illustrations and focus on making room for a story and the recipe. When messing around with the new layout I found new photos to use on Pexels and I am also going to use a font with roman numerals as the dish is from Italy.

So I then completely redesigned how it would look and made it more based on my narrative and I looked back through my research and came up with something really successful in my opinion. I made sure that most decisions were done with intention and im very happy with what I have made.

[alliestudiesx]

Bullet Journaling: a masterpost.

Bullet Journal Things ♡ inspiration/ideas: ⁃ constellation chart ⁃ cute quotes/doodles ⁃ stress management pages ⁃ use brown paper bags ripped out for doodles ⁃ cut out things from magazines/paper bags ⁃ order stickers ⁃ washi tape EVERYTHING ⁃ order black pens ⁃ use markers ⁃ work on cursive ⁃ idea/random thought pages ⁃ picture pages ⁃ books to read ⁃ movies/shows to watch ⁃ daily reminders ⁃ habit trackers ⁃ thoughtful pages (philosophy, science, book reviews, etc.) ⁃ bookmarks ⁃ websites ⁃ start a blog/continue studyblr ⁃ songs/albums to hear ⁃ messy/creative spreads ⁃ pastels (esp. pink) ⁃ doodle banners/headers/fillers ⁃ rant pages ⁃ order a watercolour palette ⁃ advice/how-to pages (how to become a morning person) ⁃ travel pages ⁃ dream journal pages ⁃ use song lyrics ⁃ poetry pages ⁃ astronomy ⁃ yearly spread ⁃ new years resolution ⁃ mini monthly calendars ⁃ birthdays ⁃ spending chart ⁃ receipt pockets ⁃ health pages ⁃ decor/interior decorating/dream house pages ⁃ coffee tracker ⁃ water tracker ⁃ lipstick kisses ⁃ sticky notes ⁃ handwriting samples ⁃ paint swatches ⁃ wish lists (swell water bottle, more notebooks, black pens, phone adapter, etc.) ⁃ passwords ⁃ gift ideas ⁃ shopping lists ⁃ recipes ⁃ trip ideas ⁃ self care ⁃ ticket stubs ⁃ dried/pressed flower petals ⁃ weather ⁃ paintings (The Swing) ⁃ colour schemes ⁃ words (darling, daydreaming, celestial, astral, entropic, enigmatic, paradoxical, etc.) ⁃ themes lists (The Swing, coffeehouse, forest, ocean, London, yellow, space, inferno, candide, the odyssey, etc.) ⁃ construction paper ⁃ get pictures developed ⁃ order more picture corners ⁃ dictionary pages ⁃ buy scrapbook pages Things to put in your journal: http://studywithinspo.tumblr.com/post/153622119945/112416-pretty-in-pink-in-a-thanksgiving http://lostlxmb.tumblr.com/post/153478048392/nov-21-2016-its-finally-thanksgiving-break http://acadaemic.tumblr.com/post/153572080605/super-pink-super-soft-spread-from-last-week https://studyfulltime.tumblr.com/post/153917313189/112-this-month-and-this-weekim-trying-something http://journalsanctuary.tumblr.com/post/152787633563/doodle-ideas-1-plants-remember-when-i-asked-you http://journalsanctuary.tumblr.com/post/154391532418/lettering-tips-i-did-a-thing-d-its-been-ages Even More Things To Add To Your Bullet Journal http://nag-aaral.tumblr.com/post/154970947270/week-51-important-life-decisions-made-and-im http://studyrose.tumblr.com/post/154472885699/i-really-really-like-the-way-my-spread-is-shaping https://gooseapartment.tumblr.com/post/152800191105/06112016-the-way-to-you-becomes-a-flower-path http://journalsanctuary.tumblr.com/post/154593004978/december-17-2016-ive-decided-to-take-a-break Page Ideas for My Bullet Journal ideas for bullet journal spreads http://time-to-get-focused.tumblr.com/post/137187238739/ta-da-my-banner-page-is-complete-so-stoked Bullet Journal page ideas for 2016 http://alicesbulletjournal.tumblr.com/post/153361332097/bullet-journal-page-dividers http://brighterplaces.tumblr.com/post/149837586299/september-plan-with-me-i-tried-using-washi-tapes http://haleystudies.tumblr.com/post/138512058801/cute-lil-bullet-journal-page http://lillstudies.tumblr.com/post/151712672576/my-first-ever-bullet-journal-page-ive-started-in http://lnkstones.tumblr.com/post/142433450475/bullet-journal-page-ideas-page-4 http://please-justletmepass.tumblr.com/post/136362433981/bullet-journal-my-motivation-page-can-you bullet journal pages http://allcutified.tumblr.com/post/155114756855/so-2016-will-last-only-a-few-days-and-now-im ideas for bullet journal spreads http://studywithinspo.tumblr.com/post/153441714765/the-evolution-of-my-bullet-journal-in-seven Things to put in your journal: http://lostlxmb.tumblr.com/post/153478048392/nov-21-2016-its-finally-thanksgiving-break http://icecreamandcereal.tumblr.com/post/153688759561/bullet-journal-essentials http://lycheestudy.tumblr.com/post/154048502593/120416-starting-a-new-bullet-journal-in-a http://literahti.tumblr.com/post/154322031662/11122016-working-on-my-bullet-journal-for http://bulletsjournal.tumblr.com/post/154354045442/doodles-x-printables-x-dailyweeklymonthly http://studykouffee.tumblr.com/post/154630879928/181216-a-spread-just-for-christmas-ꈍ-ꈍ http://baby-gloom.tumblr.com/post/154168911959/recent-planner-pages-to-read-to-watch-food-log http://studyrose.tumblr.com/post/155108970349/my-bullet-journal-flip-through-video-is-live-go http://studyguideverified.tumblr.com/post/155017107099/ina-studies-just-in-case-this-helps-anyone-go http://studyjewel.tumblr.com/post/155108890727/holocrams-12-19-17-little-journal-plant http://biiostudy.tumblr.com/post/155318626406/reviseordie-how-to-illustrate-your-notes-if-this Bullet journal quotes part II Celebrate every tiny victory Pages for your 2017 bujo http://academiix.tumblr.com/post/155368727211/3100-productivity-days-saw-this-lovely-spread Things to put in your journal: http://studyguideverified.tumblr.com/post/155636706994/thearialligraphyproject-weve-talked-about-how http://acadehmic.tumblr.com/post/155876681082/acadehmic-hey-everyone-its-about-time-i-made

[shirohibiki]

well, folks, here it is. a month late and ~18600 words, my new record for longest fic to date. i’m sorry it’s so crazily long and crappy like everything else and i’m REALLY sorry it took so long, but… i hope y’all like it anyway, lmao i spent an UNGODLY fucking amount of time slaving over this. note: there are some explanations that are repeated because this is technically a standalone fic so it’s there for those who don’t read the others, but i’m actually putting some things in a loose timeline of sorts now. not all fics are in it or may not be listed, just the major stuff i guess idk

written for my spongebob human AU, timeline: [1] | [2] | [3]

spongebob is hosting one of his famous christmas parties, and sandy hatches an evil scheme: get spongebob drunk and encourage him to go kiss squidward under some mistletoe, in an effort to perhaps jump-start some progress in their relationship. she persuades him easily, and one totally smashed spongebob goes to give squidward the wildest smooch of his life. this causes all sorts of Feelings within squidward, but before he has the chance to confront spongebob about it, it’s apparent the next morning that spongebob has entirely forgotten the affair. squidward definitely isn’t going to remind him, and nobody else does either, so he must suffer in silence and try to deal with all of these foreign emotions.

merry belated christmas, everyone. i love all of you so much. <3 this is my gift to the beautiful squidbob community; thank you for being such a bright spot in my life!

Once Spongebob learned how to properly host parties, a Spongebob party was the best party in town.

This Christmas party was no different – and it was only the first one of the month! For every weekend in December, up to and including Christmas itself, he threw a festive shindig.

He’d gone all-out, as per usual fashion – the entire pineapple was decorated inside and out, chock full of jolly holiday cheer. Wreaths, garland, ribbons, lights, mistletoe, stockings, ornaments, candy canes, snowglobes – you name it, he had it. On the front of his snow-covered pineapple hung an inviting banner that read, ‘Mele Kalikimaka!’ A herd of glowing reindeer lounged about in the front yard, accompanied by a snowman family. His Christmas tree was stunning – he’d picked out the biggest coral tree he could find and made sure it was perfect in every way, with every ornament hung with care and every strand of lights threaded with precision. His fireplace roared welcomingly, providing an incredibly cozy heat for people to snuggle by. Glistening multicolored lights and garland were run along the walls of every room with red bows accentuating them. Countless other decorations adorned his household which inspired great holiday spirit for all. The banquet provided was nothing to sneeze at, either. His grandmother and Squidward’s mother both baked their famous cookies, and combined with the other various desserts, those sweets were a force to be reckoned with. Spongebob home-cooked a lot of the meals; the ham, the turkey, the kielbasa, the bean salad, the roasted vegetables, the mashed potatoes, the baked ziti, and so much more… The pepperoni bread was from a nearby Italian joint, but it was a must-have. His parents often came to help him, along with Sandy – Patrick was banned from the kitchen. As in he wasn’t even allowed to be in the same house while they cooked. If nothing else, Spongebob was a perfectionist. That meant every spread, like the rest of his house, looked like it was straight out of a Christmas magazine with how neat and ornate it was… Until people started eating, of course!

Spongebob loved Christmas. Ever since Sandy told him all about it that fateful day… And the day he met the real Santa Claus… It had easily become his favorite holiday. He adored everything about it! The shopping, the decorating, the snow aplenty! The gifts, the love in the air, the chestnuts roasting! The mistletoe~… Oh, Christmas… It was the most wonderful time of the year indeed.

By 5 PM, almost everyone had arrived and the party got underway. Joyful holiday music and the sound of chatter filled the well-lit rooms while the host flitted about, checking on everyone just to make sure they were having the Best Party Ever™. The very picture of adorability, Spongebob wore a beautifully gaudy reindeer themed ugly sweater that hung off the shoulder, a headband with reindeer antlers, and tight black slacks. Along with his rosy freckled cheeks, captivating cerulean eyes, fluffy flaxen hair and gap-toothed smile, he dazzled all of the partygoers. Since things had now settled down, he was finally able to go relax for a moment. He trotted over to a table and sighed in relief as he seated himself. “Oh boy…” Being host sure could be tiring! He loved it, though. Everyone looked so great in their sweaters and button-downs and dresses, and they were all enjoying themselves.

Blue eyes roved around the crowded room – where was… Ah. There he was. Squidward was sitting on a couch across the room, appearing to be quite a bit less grumpy than he usually did, sporting a charming ugly sweater like always. It was snowman themed this time! He was actually talking to someone, too! It was so nice to see him having a good time… Spongebob sighed again, more wistfully this time, propping his arm up on the table and resting his cheek in his palm. Gee… What he wouldn’t give to be sitting in his lap with one of Squidward’s arms around his waist. That’d be swell. If it were possible, he managed to become even more romantically charged than he already was around holidays like Christmas or Valentine’s. It was just – it looked so nice for couples, with the hugging and the kissing and the scarf-sharing and the cuddling by the fire and the…

Gosh… It’d be real swell.

“Howdy, Spongebob!” A familiar voice pulled him from his melancholy-tinged thoughts. One Sandra Cheeks had approached him – he smiled up at her.

“Hiya, Sandy.”

“Takin’ a break? Neptune knows you deserve one!” She said, clapping him on the back as she pulled up a chair next to him.

“Hehe. Naw, I’m okay. I don’t mind the work!” She looked gorgeous tonight too, which came as no surprise. Makeup wasn’t something she wore too often, but tonight, she’d used some glittery gold eyeshadow with a deep plum lipstick and it was absolutely incredible on her. He could also see that she was wearing a wonderful ugly turtleneck sweater under her aquatic suit – such a shame she couldn’t take that dang old thing off. It was always so in the way. Curse their differences in oxygen intake. She had her thick brown curls pulled into pigtails like usual and a pretty burgundy bow on her tail that even lit up! And boy, that fur was fluffy today! “Ooh, I see you took extra care to fluff up your tail today!” He complimented, reaching over to pet through the soft pelt, marveling at it. Sandy chuckled.

“Yup! I brushed it for ten whole minutes! Gettin’ the bow perfect was kind of a challenge, but I managed it!”

“You sure did!” They shared a laugh before Sandy silently observed him for a moment or two. His expression had fallen – he seemed a tad distant, and, looking down, she spotted him continually squeezing some of the fabric of the hem of his sweater. Occasionally, his grip flexed so hard his knuckles went white.

“So, Sponge… Feelin’ kinda lonely, are ya? You’ve been quiet tonight.”

“Wh—“ He whipped around to gape at her. Jeez, she was way too astute! “I… No, I’m fine! I’m just really happy that everyone’s here, and that they’re all loving my party.” She tapped her fingers against her helmet thoughtfully, glancing to Squidward. Soon, a grin spread across her face.

“Maaaaybe y’all should go talk to ‘im.”

“I will in a bit, when he’s not busy.” Spongebob shifted uncomfortably, averting his gaze. The cloth he’d been toying with was now clutched in a firm, unforgiving hold.

“You suuuuuure put up a lotta mistletoe.” Sandy was ruthless in her attempts. She could tell Spongebob was sort of upset – not to mention anxious – and wanted to urge him to at least go and be near Squidward to put him more at ease. To her amusement, he flushed.

“Wh—it’s just decoration! I mean, I definitely encourage kissing for anyone who wants to, though.” Spongebob was a lover of romance, through and through. At that moment, an idea wormed its way into Sandy’s head. That grin of hers turned a shade more devilish, but to her best friend’s surprise, she relented, rising from her seat.

“I’m gonna get you a drink, okay? Wait right here, don’t you dare go on gettin’ up. There are others people can go to if they need somethin’.” She wagged a finger at him scoldingly. He pouted, but didn’t bother to argue because he knew he wouldn’t win that one.

Passing by numerous talkative revelers, Sandy skipped gleefully over to the beverage table in the kitchen. It was time to liven up this party. Larry, who was chilling out nearby, greeted her. He wore an ugly sweater too – but his was sleeveless. Had to show off those guns somehow!

“Hey, Sandy! How’s it hangin’?”

“Great! Just gettin’ our hard-workin’ lil’ Sponge a drink, heh.” Larry had been taking a sip of his water, but paused with the cup to his lips upon hearing her tone. His eyes narrowed suspiciously. He saw her reach for the cranberry juice from behind the fountain of punch.

“… Yeah? What’re you getting him?” The pineapple juice was next. Oh no, he knew what she was up to… She was so obvious about it too! She didn’t even bother to hide her smile!

“A Sponge’s lil’ helper~.” Sandy’s expression went downright sinister then. The vodka was next to be added to her beautiful cocktail. Hopefully there were cherries or limes around! Frowning, Larry stepped forward.

“Whoa, hey there, now wait a sec. What are you planning? We all know he loves baybreezes, but somehow, I don’t think he was the one who asked for it.” He had a very strong suspicion. It was confirmed by her cackling maniacally.

“HA! I think he needs to loosen up a bit! He gets wound up tighter than a snake ‘round a rodent it found for dinner when he hosts parties.” Larry placed his hands on his hips as she mixed it into a beautiful sunset – Spongebob’s favorite part of the drink. She was admittedly quite good at it blending the colors together.

“Loosen up, yeah. But you’re trying to get him all over Squidward. Are you sure this is a good idea? What if he does or says something he regrets?” His personal hangups with Squidward aside, he was mostly worried about Spongebob getting hurt in some way.

“P’SHAAAAWWW! He can just blame it on bein’ drunk, ain’t no thing!” Sandy’s evil laughter only continued. Her brew was now COMPLETED! The lifeguard pinched his brow.

“… Dude, it’s only 6. We can’t get him drunk this early.” She opened her mouth to speak, but went no further. Her brow creased. It would be a problem if the host passed out too early.

“… Hm. Well… Dinner’ll be served soon, right? Then he won’t need to supervise as much.” Be that as it may, he would try to regardless, knowing Spongebob. “So I mean, I don’t see why not, once all the food’s ready to go.”

“Oh boy,” Larry groaned, dragging a hand down his face. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

Sandy returned to Spongebob but instead of giving him what she’d made, told him he should probably help serve dinner first just to get it out of the way. It wasn’t like much had to be done – they just had to uncover the platters and make sure everything was warm and ready, mostly. He hadn’t even seen what she’d made him, but agreed nonetheless – his guests were of the utmost priority, they came first! Unsurprisingly, he went out of his way to make sure every single partygoer had everything they needed and that Patrick was not permitted to inhale all of the food. Frank, who was sitting at the table in the dining room, noticed him still buzzing about even after everyone had been served. “Spongebob, go eat already! We’re all fine, take a breather!” Others around him nodded in agreement. Spongebob turned, having been fussing over one of the M&M bowls.

“Wha? Uh, are you su—“ Sandy interrupted by walking right up to him and holding out his drink, beaming. It was a bit diluted now because she’d had to put in more ice to keep it cool, but she could certainly make more.

“Here. You need to sit yer butt down and spend time with us rather’n the candy dishes.”

“Yeah! We wanna talk to you, Spongebob!” Abigail agreed. “You always do this! You get so worried, but we’re all able to help ourselves, and there are other people we can go to if we need something. Just sit and hang out, okay?” Spongebob fretted a bit, feeling bad – he’d not realized he was that obsessive. He just wanted to throw a good party, so he spent a lot of time worrying and fixing things – at least in the beginning of the night. No matter what, as the party went on and fewer people needed him, he allowed himself to participate more. This time, though, they wanted him the whole party, not half of it. It wasn’t fair to him if he couldn’t have fun too.

“Gee… I’m sorry, I…” Finally regarding his beverage, he paused. His pupils dilated. A baybreeze… “It’s SO PRETTY,” he gasped, marveling at the way Sandy layered the liquids and how the glass glimmered with the reflection of the Christmas lights around them. Out of their close group of friends, she was the best at making mixed drinks. “AND A LOOPY STRAW?! WITH AN UMBRELLA AND CHERRIES?! OH, SANDY!” He pulled her into a tight hug, thrilled. Patting his back, she laughed.

“Yer welcome~! Drink up!”

“Oooh, already breaking out the alcohol, huh?” Evelyn asked, which gave Spongebob pause. Wait… Should he be drinking this early? The clock read 6:30. The party hadn’t been going on for very long… What if he drank too much and blacked out? He didn’t have a very strong constitution, and people needed him! He appeared as if he was going to protest, but he knew Sandy wouldn’t allow him to.

“… Okay, but just one!” He sat himself down at the table next to Larry, who wondered if Spongebob noticed that incredibly ominous grin on Sandy’s face.

“Drink! Drink! Drink!” Frank chanted. “You sure know how to make them, Sandy. Think you could teach me sometime? It always comes out muddled when I do it.”

“Hmm… Maybe I could host a workshop sometime, sure! It’s not too hard. Actually, Sponge, I can make another that’s real pretty like that, but has peach n’ orange juice in it! If you like yer baybreezes, you’d like this one.” He already seemed intrigued – hook, line, and sinker. He was sipping his current drink through his straw, thoroughly enjoying the mix of cranberry and pineapple. Alcohol itself wasn’t his favorite taste in the world, but he liked it with fruity things. Orange juice did sound good…

“What else is in it?”

“Like I said, pretty similar. Vodka, cranberry juice, peach schnapps, and orange juice. Or, at least, that’s one version of it. It’s all orange and red like these, but the orange is brighter.”

“Ooooh…” His eyes shone with wonder. He was such a sucker for the pretty colors, he couldn’t help it! He might have to have one now, it was so tempting… It would be fine, that was only two drinks! He didn’t even have to drink the whole thing! “What’s it called?”

Smirking, Sandy leaned forward a bit. “Sex on the Beach~.” There was a chance he wouldn’t get flustered, but… The way his countenance lit up rivaled the cranberry juice! Success! Larry tried to choke back a laugh and the others could be heard giggling. Spongebob quietly sucked his baybreeze through the straw, staring down at it, cheeks red. Unfortunately for him, whatever was swirling around in his mind eventually flustered him so much that he drained the entire glass in one go and then shouted, even redder than before,

“I WANT A SEX ON THE BEACH!” He pounded his empty glass down on the table. He wasn’t even that intoxicated – it had been fueled moreso by embarrassment. Those around him hushed for a moment before many burst into laughter. Larry couldn’t help it – oh, that was priceless! The delivery was perfect! Merely huffing, Spongebob crossed his arms. “There’s nothing funny about it! It’s just the name of a drink! Don’t be so lewd!” Sandy was chortling away as she got up to go make it for him. She’d have abs on top of her abs by the end of the night at this rate!

“Hoo doggie! Comin’ right up, Spongebob! One Sex on the Beach!” And back to the kitchen their squirrely friend ran.

“What happened to ‘just one?’” Evelyn teased, poking at his arm – this earned her another huff.

“It IS just one! It’s just one of – of a different kind! And it’s the only other one I’m having,” the blond insisted. Mr. Krabs noticed the commotion as he walked by with a plate of food in hand. Their host had already broken out the liquor? Hmm… He leaned over to whisper to Plankton, who was beside him.

“Think I should charge people fer the impendin’ Drunken Spongebob Shenanigans?”

“This is his house, Eugene,” Plankton replied flatly whilst picking a crumb off of his ugly sweater that matched Mr. Krabs’s.

“… Right, but… It’s like dinner and a show! People pay fer that!”

“In his own house, yes. If anyone could even attempt to use it for monetary gain, it would be him. Honestly, Eugene. You’re shameless.”

“Don’t you roll yer eye at me, Sheldon! Fine! I’ll just enjoy what we get to see, then.”

“Oh, Neptune. I think I’m going to need a drink…”

Sandy soon came back with another one of her beautiful concoctions. Deep orange and red, complete with a cherry, an umbrella, and a loopy straw. Everyone currently around them ‘ooh’ed and ‘ahh’ed. Spongebob squealed – it was so BEAUTIFUL! He held out his hands to take it from her, admiring at its sunset-esque gradient. Upon him taking his first sip, applause sounded.

“How’s it taste?! I might need one, Sandy!”

“Wow!! I love it!! The orange juice is so good with cranberry!” He honestly couldn’t tell if he liked pineapple and cranberry or orange and cranberry better… Both? Both. Both is good.

“That’s some good Sex on the Beach, eh, Sponge?” Sandy was out for blood tonight! Good lord! Sadly, she didn’t get the reaction she wanted – Spongebob merely nodded, contentedly drinking away.

“Mmhmm!” She knew he’d start getting tipsy quite swiftly – she’d added a biiiit more vodka than the recipe called for since the orange juice helped in masking it. She also wondered if she could get him to try another…

“I’ll make a round of drinks for y’all, sure! I know you aren’t done with that one yet, Spongebob, but how do ya feel about tryin’ somethin’ blue?” Oh, how easy it was to entice him. His wide eyes moved to her, the straw still between his lips.

“Blue..?” Ohh… Ohhhhhh… He loved blue… Anything blue Sandy made would definitely be good!

“As blue as yer pretty eyes.” She poked his nose. He mulled it over, but Frank made his decision for him instead.

“Yeah, we wanna see that one! If he doesn’t drink it, I will!”

“No no I’ll drink it I’ll drink it!” Spongebob said hurriedly, ditching his ‘just one’ policy in favor of pretty colors. Sandy couldn’t have been happier. He’d be smashed soon enough… And then… He might need a little push… And the pieces would fall into place. Larry shot the scientist a glare, but she ignored it and went skipping back to the kitchen.

“Hey, Sponge, maybe you should slow down a li—“ Larry stopped dead in the middle of his sentence and his eyes bulged upon seeing that HE’D ALREADY FINISHED IT. “Whoa—have you even eaten anything?! You should really take it easy, buddy!” Hearing Spongebob’s giggle made his stomach drop. Oh no. It had begun. If he’d not eaten anything to absorb it, with how fast he was downing those he’d be a goner in no time.

“Hee… Umm, I dunno. Maybe? Hey, Pat, did I eat anything?” Spongebob asked, leaning forward to see his friend who was three seats down from him, devouring the mountain of food he possessed. Hearing his name, he looked up, mouth stuffed with chicken.

“Uhhhh… Ahh…” Patrick had to swallow before he could speak. “I think I saw you eating some veggies and dip earlier?”

“Ohh, okay! Thanks, Pat!”

“Anytime, pal!” And right back to eating Patrick went. He wasn’t messing around – he’d already finished two plates. Spongebob’s smile returned to one unamused Larry Buffington.

“… Yeeeah. I mean, it’s something, but you should really have some turkey or mashed potatoes. Want me to get it for you?”

“Well…” The blond pouted down at his empty glass. “I wann’another… It’s all gone.” Larry was exasperated already. Sure, it was funny at first, but… He just – he wanted to protect Spongebob from doing something he’d really regret! Being drunk at a party was one thing. It happened. It wasn’t a big deal… But when you threw Squidward into the mix, things got risky, and Sandy pushing them together was a recipe for disaster. You could only blame so much on being drunk. What if he confessed his feelings in a sloppy and careless manner? Oh Neptune, the lack of a filter would lead to some really awkward professions. Just the thought sent a shiver down his spine – they might never see Squidward again after something like that. To his vexation, before he could speak further, Sandy brought a dream of a cocktail that indeed matched the cerulean of Spongebob’s irises as well as the water around them. It shimmered in the light enticingly. Drooling, Spongebob reached for it.

“Heeeeere y’are!” She chirped, but before she could hand it over, Larry snatched it from her.

“Sandy. C’mon, man. Let him take a break – you don’t want him getting sick, do you?” He held it up high so Spongebob couldn’t reach it, though that didn’t stop him from trying.

“Nngh—gimme—“

“Larry, why are you being such a party pooper?” Abigail whined. “What’s the problem? He’s cute when he’s drunk! Let him have fun! It’s a Christmas party!” The lifeguard soon found that the others were also chiming in to agree. Was he the only sensible one around here?! Squidward was the problem here, not Spongebob just being tanked! But… He reasoned that it wasn’t like Spongebob had never been intoxicated at a party Squidward was also at. It had gone alright then (even if Spongebob became clingier or flirtier), so why would it be any different now? Sandy, that was why. She had a specific goal in mind and it wasn’t just to let Spongebob flirt with Squidward on his own. No, she wanted more than that. She knew how tricky this situation was, why was she doing this?! Trying to force a change could go really badly… There was a possibility of success, but Larry wasn’t sure he wanted to bet on that.

“I hope you know what could happen,” Larry muttered to Sandy through a clenched jaw. This was serious stuff… She knew that. He understood that she wanted some progress – they all did, for Spongebob’s sake. But was this the way to go about it? Sandy’s demeanor shifted to that of uneasiness for a split second before she hid it.

“I’ve got it under control,” she said. Larry merely arched a doubtful brow and gave Spongebob his drink.

“Hm. Alright then, bro. Here you go. But take it slow this time, and eat something with it.”

“YAY!” Spongebob grabbed it right up and took a drink to see how it tasted. He wrinkled his nose a tad at first – this one had a stronger taste of alcohol. He was already buzzed, though, so it wouldn’t bother him too much. The cocktail kept him quiet while he savored it. Sandy served drinks to a few other people who wanted them, and things were relatively calm until Spongebob finished his third – probably quicker than he should’ve, but not as fast as the ones prior. “Ahhhh… Wowie, that was great! Thanks, Saaaandy~.” Looking down, he noticed a plate of some food Larry had gotten for him at some point. He scrutinized it, squinting – his vision was kinda… Blurry. What was even on this plate? Where had it come from? “Izzis… Bread?” He picked up what was indeed a piece of bread, sniffed at it, then took a nibble. Yes, this was probably bread. Maybe. Larry slid him some water as he snacked.

“Remember to always be hydrating, bud. It’ll help later when you wake up from this.”

“Thaaaaank yoooou~,” Spongebob sang, doing as he was told. Always be hydrating!! Yes!! He could do that! He’d make Larry proud! He downed his water, afterwards calling out for Sandy. “SANDY! LARRY SAID ALWAYS BE HYDRATING! CAN YOU MAKE ME ANOTHER?”

“I sure can, Spongebob! Whaddaya want?” Spongebob giggled giddily into his hands, swaying a bit. Larry didn’t bother to say anything, instead slapping a hand to his face. It was out of his control now.

“Sex~…” He didn’t finish saying the name of the drink for whatever reason.

“Oh, I’ll bet!” Evelyn laughed, and Abigail swatted at her.

“Oh my gosh, stoppp! Don’t be weird!” One more and he’d be utterly and completely wasted, even if Sandy skimped on the alcohol… Which she wouldn’t. Oh, she did hope he would forgive her in the morning… The brunette fetched him his desired Sex on the Beach, then watched him chug it aaaand…

“WOOOO! NOW THAT IS A DRINK! SEXIN’ ON THE BEACH IS RIGHT!” He stood suddenly then, slamming his hands onto the table, “PATRICK—Whoa…” Standing so fast disoriented him for a moment, but he recovered just as quickly. “PATRICK! LET’S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP, BUDDY! ARE YOU READY?!” Patrick’s head jerked up.

“Wha?”

“CHRISTMAS!”

“Oh—YEAH! Let’s do it!” Patrick eagerly jumped up as well and jogged over to his best friend. They took one another’s hand, both taking a step back in preparation.

“Here we goooo!” Frank grinned, leaning back to appreciate the show. The pair burst out into theatrical song and dance.

“IT’S SHAPING UP TO BE A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY! NOT YOUR NORMAL, AVERAGE EVERYDAY!” Squidward wasn’t in the room to sing his part (not that he would anyway), so someone else did it for him, as was tradition for every Christmas party. Poor Squidward.

“Sounds like someone felled my old coral tree! Spongebob, Patrick, why’d ya do this to me?!”

“THE WORLD FEELS LIKE IT’S IIIIIN LOVERLY~!”

“Go away before I harm you bodily!”

“THIS CHRISTMAS FEELS LIKE THE VERY FIRST CHRISTMAS TO MEEEEEEEE~!” Spongebob was a bit off-key – he was unsurprisingly having trouble controlling his cadence. He and Patrick pranced around, a spectacle for all to see that was only enhanced by Patrick’s snazzy light-up sweater. The crowd was going wild! “THERE’LL BE SHOPPING, DECORATING, AND PLENTY OF SNOW! HEY, PATRICK, WHO’S THAT UNDER THE—“ Spongebob stopped abruptly, leaving Patrick to tumble and narrowly miss colliding with a nearby end table. “… Mistle… toe?” It was as if something connected in his mind at that moment – he stared at a nearby doorway in which mistletoe hung. No one was there, but it seemed like something was processing – perhaps a revelation of sorts. Plankton and Krabs had even stood in preparation to sing their parts, but everyone was left hanging, watching Spongebob.

Bingo.

“HEY, WAITASECOND!” Spongebob began to search the room, distraught. “WHERE’S SQUIDDY?!” It was as if he’d just noticed, even though Squidward hadn’t stepped foot in the room once. The others looked around too. Not everyone was in the dining room – there were many guests littered about the house, all having their own fun, so Squidward could’ve been anywhere. The only real restrictions were the bedrooms upstairs; every other room in the house was open.

While nobody else seemed to know, Sandy did. She’d gone to find Squidward – he’d actually been hanging out upstairs with a book to get away from the noise for a short while. He’d not been there for too long when she’d investigated, so he was likely still there. “I saw him earlier, Sponge,” she said, to which Spongebob rushed to her and grabbed her shoulders.

“Where?! We need ‘im here! How can—how can he do his part?!” He shook her as if it were the direst situation in the universe. It wasn’t like he would do his part anyway, so others did it instead, but that didn’t seem to matter.

“I know! He needs ta stand under the mistletoe, right?” Larry watched as this unfolded before him – she’d planted the seed. It was all over now – they could only guess what might happen. Spongebob stared at her owlishly for a few moments, a little more color filling his cheeks to add to what was already there. Mistletoe… Yeah… His gaze moved behind her to a doorway where he’d hung the festive plant. He missed Squidward… He wanted to cuddle up to him… Why wasn’t he here? Maybe he was busy… But surely he’d spare a little time for his bestest friend in the whole world, right? Mistletoe…

“I wanna…” Spongebob took a very deep inhale. “… Wanna go get ‘im. He needs to join in on the fun! It’s not a party without Squidward! Patrick, buddy, can you cover for me? Make—make sure my snail doesn’t get eaten by the pineapple, okay?”

“Oh—you bet, Sponge! I’ll take real good care of him!” Patrick hadn’t had a single sip of alcohol, but hey. At least he understood it.

They all watched Spongebob run off ungracefully, stumbling and tripping on his journey upstairs. After he’d left, the people at the table began to discuss amongst themselves. “Fifty bucks they kiss,” Fred wagered.

“Ehhh, I dunno. He hasn’t tried it before, has he?” Frank asked.

“Well, who knows, but there’s mistletoe involved here!”

“What if he confesses?”

“That would be a mess. I think he is close to doing it, though, one of these days.”

“Okay, guys, rev up those bets! Let’s see if our boy finally gets some tonight!” Cheers were heard all around. Of course, everyone knew by now – if you saw the two of them interact with any regularity, his crush was plain as day. It had been like this for years; everyone was just waiting for something to happen.

So far, Spongebob had found nobody on the third floor, because it wasn’t a place guests usually went. The first and second floors were the main hangouts, but he wanted to be thorough. Geez… He felt kinda dizzy. His eyes weren’t entirely focused… “Squiiiddyyyy? Are you up heeere?” He called, checking each room. Where could he be? Spongebob needed him, for a lot of reasons! … Should he take his shoes off as a defensive maneuver in case of emergency? OH, but what if Squidward wanted to polish them? He’d better keep them on then, just in case. You never knew if your friend was going to want to polish your shoes. “I—whoa! Pardon me, miss, ah—“ He’d run into a lamp, not a person. Just as he was reaching one of the last rooms in the hallway, none other than Squidward was leaving it. “Oh—!” Spongebob skidded to a halt, and Squidward greeted him upon noticing him.

“Oh, hey, Spongebob. How’s the party going? I must admit, your library only gets more impressive as it grows.” Squidward stopped in the doorway, hooking a thumb in his pocket while shifting his weight to the opposite hip. He slouched just slightly, holding little tension in his shoulders. There was a certain warmth in his normally weary carmine eyes and the corner of his mouth twitched upwards in a half-smirk as he regarded Spongebob. Draped over his lanky frame was a sweater that was a little too large, contrasted by snug jeans. The other stared at him, gaping – he seemed so relaxed! And he was so… Handsome… That sweater looked marvelous on him… Spongebob swore he was blinded by the sheer beauty of it all. And… Wait a second… He was standing under mistletoe! Unless that was a set of keys hanging from the doorframe. But that wouldn’t make any sense. Or would it? But it was totally mistletoe, and… Sandy said… And… Mistletoe…

“Oooh, wow, Squiddy, you sure are lookin’ good tonight,” Spongebob slurred, taking a wobbly step closer. “I just looooove that sweater… I’ve been lookin’ all over for you…”

“Oh? Why-- … Wait a minute.” Squidward squinted down at him – he was sort of acting like… “Are you drunk?” Oh boy. Great. “Already? It’s only 8 o’clock, Spongebob.”

“Nnnoooooo~… I’m not drunk, heehee…” He was nearly salivating – Neptune, Squidward was so—mmph. Squidward simply shook his head.

“You’re hopeless. Anyway, you’ve found me, so we can go back downstairs now.” He’d had enough time to recharge from the social interaction. He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to deal with an inebriated Spongebob, but eh, he would see. Maybe he’d stick around. It was entertaining to watch Spongebob while he was drunk sometimes. When Spongebob didn’t move aside, Squidward blinked. “Well? What are you waiting for?” Why was Spongebob looking at him like that..?

In Spongebob’s hazy mind, the fact that Squidward hadn’t moved out of the doorway and away from the mistletoe told him that he was definitely interested in making out. It entirely ignored the fact that he was standing in Squidward’s way and that he’d either have to retreat back into the room or push past him to get out from under the decoration. “Ooh, Squiddy,” he purred, “I’d love to… I’m so glad you want it too…” He never said anything of the sort, Spongebob.

At first, Squidward had been about to question why his neighbor was getting breathy over… Going downstairs. Soon, however, he found himself in absolutely no position to ask that question – or any other, for that matter. Before he could speak, the blond had advanced, stepping right up to him and leaning up on his tippy toes to press their bodies together. He ran a hand down Squidward’s chest, blatantly feeling him up, his free arm hooking around his neck to tug him down a little. Squidward was paralyzed with shock – what—? What was happening? Whoa, those bedroom eyes – holy SHRIMP, what was going on—?! Before he knew it, Spongebob had pivoted them a little and backed him up against the doorframe. “I’ll make it good, I promise…” A deep and sultry tone was not something Squidward heard from him often. Before any of this could register, he was met with an entirely new and even more startling sensation.

Spongebob had roughly fisted some of his hair, the other hand clutching his sweater, and yanked him down into a crushingly needy kiss. Squidward’s mind went completely blank, any and all thoughts evaporating instantly. His entire body went rigid and the wind was knocked from his lungs. He didn’t return the kiss – the world around him had disintegrated and he was lost in a sea of nothingness. Time ceased to exist. Was he dreaming? Had he himself gotten drunk and passed out? Where even was he? What was he doing? Who was with him? Who was… What was…

Unrelenting, the blond tugged again at teal locks to tilt Squidward’s head a little more for better access. With the sheer force of the kiss, Squidward had no choice but to kiss back but was entirely unaware of his doing so.

“Mmmm… Mmh… Mm…”

It was only when Spongebob’s muffled noises reached his ears that all at once, reality came crashing down onto him at warp speed. Time went into hyperdrive instead of standing still. Squidward’s heart gave a sharp lurch and his eyes flew open in astonishment for a brief second before they screwed shut once more. Opening his mouth to gasp had been an involuntary mistake – he was then electrified with the feeling of tongue. Not much, though – just a gentle and questioning lick that went no further.

What…

… In the NAME OF DAVEY JONES’S LOCKER WAS GOING ON?!?!

There was… This was… It… Spongebob…

Spongebob…

SPONGEBOB!!!

Spongebob was kissing him! Not just on the cheek, nose, forehead, head, shoulder, or wherever else… But… The LIPS!!! Was this a nightmare? Was he in hell? Had he gone mad? It—

IT STILL WASN’T OVER!

Squidward’s frantic thoughts were now interrupted by the exceedingly prominent physical sensations. He could hear himself panting – his body was boiling up. His face was on fire. He was sweating and his knees were weak. He felt so lightheaded – a feeble noise escaped him while Spongebob’s desperate whimpers filled his ears. He was just now noticing how nice Spongebob smelled – his shampoo and cologne surrounded him with something he didn’t often give much consideration to. The strongest thing he could taste was the alcohol – eugh. There was an underlying fruitiness, however, and beneath that… An indescribable taste that was none other than Spongebob’s own. Spongebob had gotten a little braver with that tongue of his, and oh… The hair-pulling, gah—the hand running down his side—

Why did it feel…

Good?

It was sloppy, it was forceful, it was wet, and it was mindblowing. It was driven by such brazen passion that it was enough to make anyone’s head spin. He just couldn’t refrain from making sounds, which was humiliating, but he didn’t really have time to worry about that when Spongebob was grazing his lower lip with his teeth. He didn’t bite – at least, not yet. Squidward clawed at either side of the wall connected to the doorframe behind him, having needed something to grip onto, although it wasn’t much.

“Squidmmmph…” Spongebob moaned between fervent kisses, relishing in the sweet and heavenly taste of the person he so dearly adored. This was a dream come true! He was so lucky! He never, ever thought he’d get a real chance to kiss Squidward! (And technically, he hadn’t.) This was everything he’d ever wanted… Apparently, all Squidward needed was a little bit of mistletoe to be interested in doing this! Maybe he should carry some around in his pocket!

Why was each enthusiastic and energetic kiss leaving Squidward positively breathless? Why did he kind of sort of maybe not want to stop? Why was this happening in the FIRST PLACE? Why was… Why…

WHY WAS SPONGEBOB A GOOD KISSER?!?!

Who had he been able to PRACTICE with!? It certainly wasn’t Sandy, for obvious reasons! So why wasn’t this more awkward?! Why wasn’t this a pathetic, laughable attempt?! Why was this one of the best kisses he’d ever—NO, DAMNIT! THIS WASN’T—THERE WAS NO WAY IT COULD BE ONE OF THE BEST, NO SIR! It was just heat of the moment! The moment that was NOT GOOD, it was – it was a pitiful display really – he was… He was so amazing with his tongue and lips and teeth and—

Squidward was about ready to collapse. Or scream. Or cry. Or vomit. Or die. Or all five. He’d legitimately just thought of Spongebob Squarepants as being a good kisser. Unironically. Maybe because Spongebob Squarepants was still making out with him. His gut seared with shame and something else he really didn’t want to acknowledge. Every last shred of his sanity had shattered, hadn’t it? Was he hallucinating? He was surely tripping the fuck out, right?

… No.

No, this was the real king of geeky, aggravating losers in the flesh, demonstrating his apparent prowess in the art of French kissing that he’d picked up from literally who knew where. The real Spongebob Squarepants turning Squidward’s mind into a puddle of mush. He was livid for so many reasons, but he was also…

Oh, Neptune, he wasn’t ready for this to end.

To his delight displeasure, Spongebob delivered on that, continuing to treat him to a wild, heart-stopping ride of passion. He loved hated the way Spongebob was tugging at his hair and squeezing his hip. The warm weight of his tiny body pressed against his own proved to be really comfortable detestable. He wasn’t at all attracted by his refreshing unremarkable scent. The sounds he was making were enticingly adorable extraordinarily inappropriate and not something Squidward ever wanted to hear in his entire LIFE.

The day Squidward Tentacles enjoyed a hot makeout session with Spongebob Squarepants was the day he declared himself officially insane beyond all repair. He was a lost cause and he was so disappointed in himself. How could he stoop so low? His mother would be ashamed. It—it was just the pheromones! That was all! He wasn’t really reveling in it – that was DISGUSTING!

… Why did he get the sense he’d recently been through a similar experience of questioning his soundness of mind due to Spongebob? Hadn’t he thought some of these exact same things not too long ago for some other reason?

After what seemed to be eons, Spongebob finally withdrew with a groan. A trail of saliva followed him that he broke by licking his lips. Squidward literally heard himself whine at the loss, and was ready to die of shame in that very instant. They were both gasping for breath, exhausted from their tryst. Squidward could feel Spongebob’s small frame shaking too. “Oh, Squiddy,” the blond breathed, feeling even more intoxicated from the divine taste of his friend’s mouth. Lidded eyes met wide ones. “Thank you for the Churrsmurs… Chr… Mmf…” His voice cracked as he spoke. Squidward noticed how messy the other’s hair had gotten and how it was sticking in his face… How scarlet his cheeks were and the way it lit up his freckles… How his eyes held such endearment and were glazed with desire… “Churrsmurs press’nt… Polishin’ my shoes…” Spongebob tried again, very obviously having great difficulty regaining his composure. “I hope y’liked it… Was good fer ya…” A loopy titter left him. Gee, the room had been spinning for quite a while now! “Mmmph… We can go stairs, uh… Down… Nnuh. Kay?” He had no idea where the stairs were and if he did he’d likely have to crawl down them, but he’d cross that bridge when he got to it. He gingerly took a dumbfounded Squidward’s cheeks into his hands and gave him one last tiny, affectionate peck on the lips before pulling away.

Of course, he stumbled a little, squeaking as he hit the other side of the doorframe – whoa. “Oof…” Gotta be careful with those dresser drawers, their teeth could be sharp sometimes… He recovered, though, and managed to sloooowly stagger down the hallway, until he eventually found the stairs – there they were! Ooh, where did they lead to? Boy, he was so dizzy. He was not going to make it safely down those stairs if he tried to walk. Instead, he merely laid himself on his stomach and dragged himself down, having absolutely zero problems with doing so. He was surfing down the stairs! Shoot, he forgot his boogie board… It was perhaps a sad sight to see, but what else would you expect from someone who was absolutely drunk off their ass and high on pheromones? He was the happiest guy in the whole entire universe. Nothing could bother him. Sandy happened to find him halfway down the second flight of stairs and yelped in alarm.

“Spongebob! Are y’all okay?!” She asked, racing to him and picking the poor sot up in her arms.

“Uh huh~…” Spongebob closed his eyes and curled into her, drooling on her suit. “Squiddy wuz real nice’n polished my shoes fer me… Dinn’t even hafta take ‘em off…” Brows raised as Sandy stared down at him. Polished his shoes… SHE KNEW IT! She KNEW they’d been smooching harder than two rabbits in a den in the beginning of April! SUCCESS! SHE’D DONE IT! SHE HAD FINALLY GOTTEN SQUIDWARD AND SPONGEBOB TO KISS! (Assuming that didn’t mean something else entirely, but that was unlikely.)

… Now to hope Squidward didn’t move out or something crazy like that. But she had a feeling… She could sense it, and she had been able to for a while now. She didn’t think Squidward would be going anywhere. Huff and puff as he might, she could see some inkling of emotion there – it was just buried deep, deep down. Even if she was wrong, hey, at least they tried, and she sincerely doubted Squidward would do anything drastic either way. Hopefully, though, this would give his thoughts on it a little jump start. She also hoped nothing else had happened, like an… Accidental confession. Oh, she prayed. Larry would kill her if that happened. And so would Spongebob, actually. Aaaand probably Squidward. So. She hoped it was just a kiss and nothing more. “Did y’all shine ‘em good?” She tucked Spongebob close and carried him downstairs into the living room, where she then sat herself on the couch and kept him curled up in her lap.

“Mmmhmmm… Reeeal good… This Churrsmurs feels like th’very firs’ Churrsmurs t’meeeeeee~…” Sandy gestured to nearby onlookers to be quiet. Spongebob promptly fell asleep, his mewling snores beginning almost immediately. He was completely conked out. A shame since they didn’t get to see too much of Party Sponge, but they could always give him more drinks later! Hearing Spongebob was back, Larry ran into the room, silently questioning what had happened. Sandy gave him a wink and a thumbs-up. He seemed surprised… And uneasy. But instead of making a fuss, he went to go get a blanket and some water for Spongebob. Hopefully he wouldn’t have too much of a hangover when he awoke. The other partygoers began to either celebrate or lament their loss – money had been on that kiss, and that kiss had happened!

Meanwhile…

Squidward had slid down the doorframe slowly the minute Spongebob left, gawking, staring blankly ahead, a hand over his mouth. He just sat there, flabbergasted and white as a sheet, unable to swallow any of this. There was literally nothing in his head. He was in a state of pure shock.

After a solid two minutes of static, a brief flash of a memory hit him and that was enough to flush his cheeks with a bright crimson and get him onto his feet. Having risen too fast, he reeled, but was able to orient himself and surveyed the area frantically.

He needed to leave. He needed to go home right now. He was going to just leave through the back door – better yet, he could jump out the window and hope for a concussion. However he did it, he just needed to go, before anyone saw him or talked to him or even thought of him. He thanked Neptune that he lived right next door – he didn’t have far to go. Squidward made a break for it, running as fast as he possibly could for the exit. His path was luckily clear until the last hallway, but he ignored whoever was standing there and hurtled the hell out of the cozy pineapple of a house, bubbles forming in his wake.

Upon arriving home, Squidward locked every single door and window in the Moai head, and, quivering slightly, just sat on his bed, head bowed, that same shell-shocked expression on his face.

He was having a great deal of trouble thinking. Five minutes passed and he hadn’t moved, nor processed any sort of thought. It was all just white noise. After a few more minutes, he lay down on his side, wriggling under his plush periwinkle blankets so he was at least… Sort of comfortable. It was then he spotted his teddy bear on the pillow across from him – Spongebob had won that for him when Krabs had bought a crane game to keep at the Krusty Krab.

Spongebob…

Tremoring fingers lifted to trace over his lips and the color ultimately surged back into his cheeks.

Spongebob… Kissed him…

The words now echoed in his head.

Wait; was he positive that had been real? It could’ve been a dream! Hold on, WHY WOULD HE DREAM ABOUT THAT?! EW! NO WAY! But—hold on. If he hadn’t dreamt it… That meant it really happened, right? He knew he wasn’t drunk… So… That could only mean one thing.

He’d actually made out with his neighbor, coworker, enemy, rival, definitely-not-friend. They had exchanged… Saliva. Touched tongues. Speaking of TOUCHING, Spongebob had totally groped his chest! Squidward had felt that! HOW HORRIFYINGLY IMPROPER! And then he’d felt up his side and hip. Squeezed, even! And how roughly he pulled on his hair! How dare he?! How dare he… How dare… How…

Squidward continued to ghost the tips of his fingers over his lips in remembrance.

… Why?

Was it just because he’d been drunk? There was no mistake he’d known who he was kissing, but… What had spurred it aside from the drunkenness? He’d never done that before and he’d been plastered at plenty of parties. Not to excess, but just in general. He was a pretty fun drunk, all things considered – though he did get… Flirty.

Wait.

That was right… Usually he became (even more) clingy and bolder in his flirting. But Squidward wasn’t the only one he attempted to woo! He went for Patrick, Sandy, sometimes Larry… On rare occasions, lamps… But usually, he went for… None other than Squidward. But it didn’t mean anything, right? He was just… That was just how he was, wasn’t it? The fact that he sought out Squidward for the kiss was merely a coincidence. He probably tried to kiss the entire party downstairs! It didn’t mean a single thing!

… That gleam in his eyes… That husky and seductive tone… Squidward shivered. He didn’t think Spongebob had it in him, but apparently… Not that he found it attractive or anything outrageously vile like that! He was simply stupefied by it, seeing as how much of a dork the guy was.

Spongebob had said it was his Christmas present, oddly enough. What did that mean? Why was a kiss from Squidward his Christmas present? Did that imply a kiss with everyone else was, too? Perhaps he meant kissing in general…

“Oh, puh-leeze, Squiddy, you know what he meant,” he growled at himself. Of course he’d meant Squidward specifically. There was no mistake about that. ‘Why’ was the only question to be answered. Maybe there was no reason, though – maybe it was just the booze talking, especially taking into account that he’d followed it by saying ‘thanks for polishing my shoes.’

…

As much as Squidward really didn’t want to contemplate it, he realized there was a very simple explanation to all of this. He wasn’t stupid. He knew it was different with him – even if Spongebob DID kiss everyone at the party, it would be different with Squidward. It would be different because his neighbor so very obviously had a crush. Anyone with half a brain could see it – and it wasn’t new, not by any means. Spongebob had been dropping hints left and right for… Squidward didn’t even know how long. A long while. He didn’t pay too much attention to it because it wasn’t his business. Spongebob had never straight up said anything about it so he had no reason to address it. He didn’t know how deep it ran, nor did he particularly care. It was just there, and he chose to ignore it. But… Because of the crush, that kiss… Meant something.

That passion had been a product of Spongebob’s feelings for him and he knew it. Squidward’s stomach churned. Oh, that was revolting. He would NEVER let it happen again. EVER. Who cared about Spongebob’s feelings anyway?! Eugh, how GROSS! So what if there was meaning behind it? It wasn’t like it mattered!

… How long had Spongebob wanted to do that for?

Squidward recalled their very first Christmas. The song they now held as tradition, much to Squidward’s irritation, originated there. Even back then, Spongebob had been oddly interested in Squidward being under the mistletoe. Jeez, that was years ago… Many years. Had he wanted that all this time? Had he held onto his little crush that long? Unless the infatuation was more recent and that incident had just been him being his weird self…

“… WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS?!” Squidward shouted, clawing at his face. There was literally no reason to mull this over because it wasn’t important! Who cared if Spongebob liked him in a ‘more-than-friends’ manner?! Aside from that notion making him ill, it wasn’t of his concern! It wasn’t like he reciprocated those feelings in ANY way! It was what it was – it wasn’t being addressed and therefore it didn’t matter. It was really, really, really, really insignificant. It probably wasn’t even that big of a crush! WHATEVER! Even if it spurred the action, that wasn’t the important part. The important part was that he had just been kissed by—

Another wave of realization smacked him in the face.

He, Squidward Tentacles, had not only been just making out with his dreaded foe Spongebob Squarepants – he, Squidward Tentacles, had been making shamefully needy noises as he (unintentionally) returned the kiss. He, Squidward Tentacles, had squirmed under Spongebob’s touch as they kissed, and had maybe sort of enjoyed it a little.

He’d. Kissed. Spongebob.

Squidward began to scream at last. It had taken him long enough! So, to the shower it was! Time to wash away the impurity and the sin!

Nearly falling out of bed, he scrambled to the bathroom and dry heaved into the toilet until the nausea passed. He then proceeded to scrub his teeth SO HARD his gums bled. He didn’t care about the pain, SO LONG AS HE CLEANSED HIS MOUTH OF THIS FOULNESS! Afterwards, he paused to take a breath, accidentally thought about the situation, and then resumed his screeching. Those screeches soon devolved into sobs as Squidward hurried for the shower, stripped, and immediately began to scour his body with the soap. “NO! NO! NO! H-HE IS NOT A GOOD KISSER! HE IS NOT A GOOD KISSER! H-HOW DARE HE?! DISGUSTING, DISGUSTING, DISGUSTING!!!” Everything was a blur now. He’d lost his self-respect, his sanity, and his lunch from this debacle. A whole slew of emotions raged within him, some of which he had to desperately try to disregard.

Two hours later, one enervated Squidward hauled himself back to bed sluggishly after his purging was complete. He was going to have ONE HELL OF A TALK with a CERTAIN SOMEONE tomorrow. But wait – how could he even face him? How could he look Spongebob in the eye after such an exchange? How could he acknowledge what they’d done? He couldn’t! He couldn’t, it was too humiliating and – NO. He needed to. He needed to be firm and tell him that… That it should never happen again. And that he absolutely hadn’t liked any of it. And that would be that. Nothing more, nothing less. Or, okay, maybe just a little more yelling and telling him how awful it had been. Yes. That would work. He could do it. He was mortified, but he had to press on. He could only pray that no one else had heard about it… After their talk, he’d pretend this NEVER EVER happened and move on with his life. All he had to do was not think about it. How hard could that be?

The next morning, Squidward was a nervous wreck – one glimpse of his ghastly pallor would tell you that. For reasons beyond his comprehension, his hair would not cooperate today – no matter how much he brushed it, it refused to stay put, as if it wanted to spite him by adding to his disheveled look. Reddened eyes and deep facial lines of fatigue implied quite a few things. His anxiety announced itself emphatically by way of making him run his tense, shaky hands up and down his arms then around his sides and back repeatedly in frenzied motions. Getting to work had been an extremely taxing process – he’d struggled the entire way, and it wasn’t just due to the wintry weather. What if people knew? What if Spongebob said something? What if he wanted more? What if he thought Squidward enjoyed it? WELL HE’D RECTIFY THAT ONE! Because he DIDN’T! And he could look Spongebob straight in the eye and TELL HIM THAT WITH UTMOST SINCERITY! (Hopefully.) It was fine. He’d be fine. It would all be fine. Nobody else knew. It had just been a mistake and would never happen again – he’d make sure of it. Spongebob probably hadn’t even noticed the noises Squidward had made, so there was nothing to be ashamed of! IT WAS FINE.

The worn-down mess of a cashier crept to his station cautiously after forcing himself to enter the double doors, wringing his hands while his eyes darted to and fro. The Krusty Krab was quiet and still. No customers were around yet… Mr. Krabs was in his office… Where was Spongebob?

His question was soon answered by a yawn that caused him to jump.

“Ohh boy…” Speak of the devil – Spongebob toddled along on his way to the kitchen, rubbing at his eyes. He didn’t look as terrible as Squidward did, but he certainly wasn’t at his best. He seemed tired, but otherwise okay. All… Cutely bundled up like that in his snow gear. With his gloves and his hat and his scarf and his coat and his booties… “Morning, Squiddy,” he said, offering him a sleepy smile as he passed. The other was thrown off-guard when Spongebob walked right past him. Without a single mention of the party. What the HELL?! Newly enraged, Squidward called after him.

“SPONGEBOB!” He snapped. The blond pivoted on his heel a few steps away from the kitchen door, blinking.

“Wha huh?” Whoa, Squidward was mad already? What had he done?! Squidward faltered under Spongebob’s inquisitive stare that penetrated his very soul. He took a harsh inhale to steel himself.

“LAST NIGHT…”

“Ohhh! Yeah, some party, huh?” Spongebob nodded with a soft chuckle. That was probably why Squidward looked so rough – he must’ve had a LOT of fun! He was so glad. “I’m just tired ‘cause I kinda drank too much and stayed up a lil’ too late… But it was a good time, right? Were you there when we played Christmas Mad Libs? And then Christmas charades? And then ‘dress a person up as a Christmas tree?’ And then Christmas carol-oke? That was lots of fun, hehe.”

“WHA—No, I—!” Why was he being so casual?! Did he just not care about what had happened?! How could he even think to act this way?! “No, I meant earlier—“

“Ohh, earlier? Umm…” Spongebob’s brow furrowed contemplatively. “Like… Earlier as in… When we marathoned Christmas movies? Oh man, I wanna watch more tonight! I need to see Elf again!”

“NO! Earlier than that, you dunderhead!” Jeez, how long had they partied for?! “Right after dinner or—or whatever!” Squidward noticed Spongebob’s expression turn into that of bewilderment and his blood ran cold.

“… Right after dinner? Ummm…” The Krusty Krab’s star frycook scratched at his head, thinking as hard as he could. “Gee, Squidward, I… I think I remember Sandy gave me a drink during dinner… And then… Uh, I dunno. I think I got tired and took a nap and when I woke up a little later, the real party began! Let me tell you, she makes some killer baybreezes. And the best part is I don’t even have a hangover because Larry helped me keep myself hydrated!” How much Spongebob had imbibed was anyone’s guess – though it likely wasn’t much after he woke up from his nap. He only really drank at parties every now and again, so it was pretty easy to bring out the Party Sponge and put the Anxious Host Sponge to rest.

Squidward gawked in stunned silence. He’d… No way. No way. He’d… Forgotten? Spongebob had entirely forgotten about their encounter?! How… HOW DARE HE?! THIS ASSHOLE HAD THE GALL TO WALTZ IN, KISS HIM SO HARD HE QUESTIONED REALITY, LEAVE, FALL ASLEEP SOMEWHERE, AND FORGET WHAT HAD EVEN HAPPENED?! “Y-yuh… You… You…” Concern crossed Spongebob’s face as Squidward began to twitch.

“… Uh… Squiddy? Why are you twitching like that?”

“Yuh—you—y-y—I—gghh— AAAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!” Squidward voiced his frustrations once again, yanking at his unruly hair. Spongebob flinched and, with a squeak, instinctively raised his arms to shield himself. Before he could inquire any further, the other stormed off with long strides, seething. Right out of the Krusty Krab and into the mounds of snow that blanketed Bikini Bottom.

“I CANNOT BELIEVE HIM!” Squidward shouted at a nearby snowman, who did not reply. “WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?! HE—WE—I— DIDN’T IT MEAN SOMETHING TO HIM?!” Cheeks blazing, he covered his mouth with a gloved hand.

Had he really just said that? He just got done insisting it didn’t MATTER what it meant to Spongebob! And it… AND IT DIDN’T! It was just that..! It was downright INSULTING! So Spongebob kisses the guy he likes and FORGETS?! Who would forget about something like that?! Even if the guy he likes hates him, the guy he likes is still super beautiful and fabulous and NOBODY should be able to forget the sizzling experience he’d gift to them! It was a PRESENT, all right! (Oh, don’t be full of yourself, Squidward.) All of that – all of that moaning and biting and licking and grabbing – ALL FOR WHAT?! FOR NOTHING?! HE’D HAD TO ENDURE THAT HELL FOR – FOR NOTHING?! HE HAD TO BE TORTURED BY IT AND SPONGEBOB COULD JUST GO ALONG WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD?!

It was true that Spongebob had forgotten – that part of the night was completely blanked out for him. He was under the impression he drank too much and passed out… Which was precisely the case give or take a few details, and it probably wasn’t the greatest idea to drink more after that, but hey. While he was clueless, their other friends weren’t. Oh no, they most certainly knew. They didn’t tell Spongebob for a specific reason – they really did not want him having a meltdown because they knew what he’d done hadn’t caused any lasting damage, and… It was fun to watch Squidward squirm. Especially in situations like this. So, if asked, they’d all pretend they had no idea either and just enjoy the show. It was a shame, though. Spongebob had his first kiss with the man he loved… And had no recollection of it.

Squidward spent a few minutes kicking at snow while yelling incoherently and snorting like an angry seahorse. Powdery crystals of ice sprayed in every direction during his rampage. The snowman sat there, a motionless observer. It was FINE! He didn’t care! Why would he care?! GOOD! This was GREAT, actually! He didn’t want Spongebob to remember! Because that meant he could just throw the memory away without issue! Without being reminded of it or pestered about it! He could pretend it never happened just like he wanted! He didn’t have to suffer – he could just ignore it, no problem! “Stupid Spongebob! Moron! IDIOT! BARNACLEHEAD!” He was only angry because he’d been subjected to torment and it had all been for naught! It was so RUDE! That guy was a real piece of work! “’I’ve been lookin’ all over for you, Squiddy!’” He mimicked bitterly, still stomping around. The darkened water overhead easily paralleled his mood. “YEAH, WELL, YOU’D BETTER NOT ‘LOOK FOR ME’ AGAIN! EVER! I WON’T ALLOW IT!” He never, EVER wanted more! He never wanted to feel the rushing warmth created by affectionate touches, or breathy sighs against his lips, or hair tickling at his jaw, or arms wound tightly around him, or…

He finally stopped and released a distressed wail, burying his face into his hands. HE WAS SO LONELY! He’d been single for such a long time! Far too long, really, and – wait a second…

It suddenly dawned on him that the only reason he sort of maybe (DIDN’T) enjoy that kiss was because… He was just so deprived of physical contact. Squidward didn’t want it to be Spongebob, he wanted it to be someone else… But Neptune hated him too much to grant him that. He’d almost forgotten what it was like to kiss someone… The reminder was painful. Maybe he should try finding a date again? That way, he wouldn’t have to feel so weird about this kiss with Spongebob, because he knew he was just lonesome and unused to such interactions! Yes… That was it! While it was horrifying to think he’d sunk so low and become so desperate he would even slightly savor any sort of contact with his neighbor, it made some sense given his current relationship status. He sank to his knees, reassured, a hand over his pounding heart.

“Oh, thank Neptune…” Squidward sniffled while rubbing at his face, some tension lifting from his stiff shoulders. “M-maybe I’m not so crazy after all… Just—just pathetically desperate. I… B-but I never want to experience that with him again! I’ll try to – to find someone. And then the joke will be on HIM! HA! He’ll still be a single loser and I won’t be!”

Desperate indeed, Squidward. That’s precisely why you’d been haunted by sexual fantasies of Spongebob masturbating when you found his collection of adult items some months ago. Desperation. That had been repressed, though, as this too might be. At the time, he’d been unyielding in his assertion that there was no way he was needy enough to daydream about Spongebob and the fact that he had was only due to his discovery forcing the repulsive imagery upon him. Now, he was relieved by the fact that he had ‘only liked it because he was lonely and needy.’ An interesting development, to be sure.

He’d run out of steam – it was time to go back inside. Eased by his realization, he would put all of this behind him and forget about it just like Spongebob did. The snowman, having grown tired of Squidward’s antics, turned and slid away, leaving him. A scoff sounded. “Puh. Some help he was. Snowmen are always so flaky.” He paused, and was then unable to prevent himself from snickering at his fortuitous pun. “Heh. Flaky. Snowmen, hahah. Oh, Squiddy, you are a true genius. You may be a deplorable pile of garbage, but you’re a damn genius.”

Spongebob watched his friend return through the kitchen window, his head resting in his arms which were propped up on the sill. To his astonishment, Squidward seemed to be in a much better mood now – his shoulders were no longer up to his ears and there was a swagger in his step. “Maybe he just needed to vent,” the blond mused, having seen his tantrum outside. What about last night could have possibly invoked such wrath? It was hard to tell just why he was upset sometimes, because what he said wasn’t always the truth. Even if there was obviously more to the story, it didn’t mean Spongebob would be able to figure it all out. It was distressing because all he wanted was Squidward’s happiness… He just had to keep trying his best to provide him with love and care.

“Spongebob.” He was wrenched back into reality by Squidward marching right over, placing his hands either side of Spongebob’s elbows, and leaning down just slightly with a triumphant smirk on his face. The other jerked back a little.

“Ah—?”

“You know that I hate you, right?” Squidward asked in a voice as sweet as honey – a tone that didn’t match his words in the least.

“Uh… Oh, uhm… Yeah?” Spongebob managed, feeling just slightly intimidated by such a direct approach paired with – well, you know. Hearing ‘I hate you’ wasn’t always that pleasant.

“And you know I’m not interested in ever doing anything of any sort with you, right?” Squidward had to be careful with what he said – he didn’t want to mistakenly lead Spongebob to believe something happened last night that he’d forgotten about.

“Uh huh?” Spongebob squirmed in discomfort. Satisfied, Squidward turned around to man his post.

“Good. I just wanted to remind you.” Ahhh, there! All better! Now that was cleared up! All he had left to do was destroy the memory. Spongebob sighed and padded back to his station as well. Squidward had been in such a good mood last night, too… He wondered if something happened. He had tried to make that party perfect, but perhaps he’d screwed up somehow. He sure hoped not. Either way, Squidward seemed okay now..? So it was likely best to leave it be.

The rest of the day went by without incident. Patrick swung by the Krusty Krab to invite Spongebob to go sledding with him to which he happily agreed – at the end of their shift, he donned his stupidly cute winter outfit and waved to Squidward before leaving. Ignoring him, Squidward headed home to relax and revitalize. That would henceforth be the motto: ignore Spongebob. Over the next couple of days, his attempt to do so was actually going decently well – he kept himself distracted, paying no attention to Spongebob and trying not to think about the thing until one afternoon when Sadie Asbury and Jennifer Millie walked into the Krusty Krab…

The pair entered holding hands, and they initially didn’t quite approach the counter – they stood back, studying the menu. “What did you want, sweetie?” Sadie asked. Squidward’s gaze flickered upwards from his magazine – they were huddled awfully close… It was cold, but…

“I don’t know, babe… I kind of wanted to try something different today…” Squidward’s brows rose steadily. Since when were they dating? That was news. He was a total sucker for gossip, so he paid attention to these things just in case something juicy was going on. Still, it wasn’t all that fascinating until a few moments later when Jennifer took Sadie’s face in her hands, giggling.

“Heehee! Do you know how red your cheeks are? It’s so cute!”

“Wha—hey, it was cold out! I’m trying to decide, c’mon!” Despite her protests, Sadie laughed in kind. Squidward couldn’t help but watch as Jennifer leaned in and kissed both of Sadie’s red cheeks, her nose, and then her lips. It was a brief gesture of endearment, but it caused Squidward to twitch and blush all the same. A sigh from behind him took him by surprise.

“Awww…” Spongebob, who had come to deliver an order, was looking on from the window with a dreamy expression, his cheek smushed into his palm. “How cute… So she did end up asking her out! Gosh, I’m so happy for them…”

“GAH!” Squidward’s cry attracted attention from not only Spongebob, but the women in question. “Spongebob what—“ He whipped around and, after taking one glance at his coworker, made a strange choking noise that stopped his sentence in its tracks. He had been avoiding looking at Spongebob for more than very brief periods for days now. In failing that, and making eye-contact to boot, he was instantly reminded of the thing.

For some reason, the sight of him just – something about – was his tie looser than normal? His hair seemed shinier too… And was that shirt tighter and more form-fitting than the others he owned? Was he hallucinating or—? Holy shrimp, was that cologne? Or was that his soap? Or maybe it was his natural aroma?! Why did it smell so AMBROSIAL now?! It wasn’t like Squidward never actually noticed the way he smelled; it had just become so oddly prominent since the thing! And WHOA, WHOA, WAIT A SECOND. HOLD ON A MINUTE. Glasses?! Since when did… Glasses—! DORKY, GEEKY, thick, black square frames that illuminated the stunning blue of his irises. That was—they were—he knew they existed, but Spongebob rarely wore them to work! He used his contacts more often than not! But wow, they looked really… Maybe he should wear them more often… The guy wasn’t doing anything but standing there, and yet—!

What Squidward is seeing: “Oh, I’m sorry, Squidward, I was just so distracted~… Did you need something~..?” Sparkles float about the kitchen while sexy jazz music plays in the background. Spongebob has cutely knocked his glasses askew with the hand that was pressed to his cheek. His spatula dangles daintily from the hand brought to his chest. He bats his long eyelashes as he speaks in an airy and teasing manner. His smile is demure, but there is a veiled playfulness that flickers within his cerulean depths. Half of his shirt is unbuttoned his tie is undone for no explicable reason.

What is actually happening: “Um, Squidward? Is everything alright?” Spongebob asks, concerned and terribly perplexed. He stands up straight, tilting his head just slightly as he waits for an answer. His shirt is of normal tightness and his tie is correctly drawn to his neck. Nothing is out of the ordinary. He is not about to start dropping patties ‘accidentally’ in order to flaunt his rear whilst picking them up or anything of the sort. He is simply standing there.

Poseidon help him, Spongebob’s lips looked so soft… The worst part was that Squidward now knew they actually were. Try as he might to bleach his brain, the knowledge remained. So pink and full… Slightly parted… Given a slight sheen from the lights… Just begging for a ki—

And at that point he’d had about enough. Squidward clasped his hands over his mouth with a look of sheer mortification. He’d gone a nice rich shade of crimson. With no hesitation, he leapt over the side of the cashier’s boat and ran for the bathroom. By some miracle, it was empty. He stumbled over to the sink and used it for support, wheezing, a tremble surging through his body. “C-c-calm down Squiddy, calm— calm— pull yourself together—“ He splashed cold water on his face to combat the scorching heat. “What am I THINKING?!” What method of sorcery was this?! What spell had Spongebob cast upon him?! Perhaps it was how utterly bewitching his gaze could be? Or maybe… “NO. Stop – enough.” He took the deepest possible breath he could to cease the downward spiral of his tumultuous thoughts. It was alright. All that happened was that he saw a couple kissing and there was NO need to freak out. The incident was still fresh so naturally, he’d be reminded of it. Everything was cool. He wasn’t thinking weird things about Spongebob and if he were, he didn’t mean it – his brain was just… Mixed up! He’d be okay. Easy. Deep breaths.

He felt weak… Oh, and FISHPASTE, he’d made a huge scene! He could hardly believe how badly this whole thing was fucking him up. He really had lost it and he could only wonder how he’d managed to sink lower than he ever imagined possible. Inevitably, Spongebob had been overcome by worry for his best friend, and his dramatic entrance of calling out the other’s name created another kerfluffle and poor Squidward ended up on the floor. “SQUIDWARD?! OH MY STARS AND GARTERS, ARE YOU SICK OR SOMETHING?! WHAT’S WRONG!?” Spongebob knelt down beside him and gripped his shoulders, panic-stricken. Rather than answering, Squidward merely dropped his head and panted, struggling to regulate his system. “Squid—guh—I’m—what…” Spongebob stuttered a few times, but in seeing he was getting no responses, instead forced himself to do the same to reduce the sky-high tension in the room.

The pair soon quieted themselves, and after a few moments of silent recalibrating, Squidward smacked Spongebob’s hands away and stood up, blinking away the unbidden tears in his eyes. “Don’t touch me,” he growled. “I’m fine. It’s none of your business. Leave me ALONE. I just have… A bit of a fever or something, and it’s making me feel weird. It’ll pass, and I DON’T need you mollycoddling me over a silly little flu. And if you dare say one word, Spongebob, so help me. Do. Not.” Gods above, HE needed a drink. A lot of them, actually. Or maybe he didn’t, since he was already fucking horrendously delusional. He half-wondered if he really did have the flu or if someone was secretly spiking his food or something. Gee, this all felt REALLY familiar for some reason… Though he wasn’t looking at Spongebob, he could hear tiny sniffles, but he was too furious and baffled by it all to care. Of course he was crying. What a shock. … Oh well. At least humiliating himself in front of customers was nothing new… And at least Spongebob was listening for once.

Squidward turned to leave, hoping the customers would shrug off what they’d just witnessed, but to his ever-present luck, he was met with their boss.

“Hold it RIGHT there, Mister Squidward! WHAT is goin’ on with you boys?! Yer leavin’ the customers by themselves out there! What’s all this fuss? Why’s Spongebob cryin’ on the floor? Why’d yeh go scarin’ me customers, Squidward? What is the problem here?!” The burly blue-clad man stood with arms crossed and foot a-tappin’. Eugene was none too happy – their antics were interfering with the flow of money! If only it weren’t so expensive to hire extra employees for when his first mates went AWOL…

“There is no PROBLEM, Mr. Krabs.” Squidward forcefully pushed past him, hands balled into fists at his sides. He refused to look at anyone, instead choosing a nice spot on the floor to stare at, wishing his cheeks would stop burning. “I think I’ve come down with the flu. That’s all. I was feeling a bit faint. I’m fine now.”

“The flu?! OH no, no employee of mine is gonna be contaminatin’ the food, the money, or the customers! Get yer hindquarters OUTTA HERE, Mister Squidward!” Eugene instructed, pointing to the front doors. He didn’t have to tell Squidward twice, that was for sure. In all honesty, he knew that it wasn’t a flu that had his employee all ruffled… But he’d begrudgingly allow it to run its course rather than say anything about it. If it was stirring things this much, maybe it would lead the two closer to an answer for their relationship. Maybe they’d finally get together and stop wasting so much damn time on this song and dance – then they’d make him more money since they wouldn’t have to keep disrupting things with it!

Squidward was slightly surprised by his boss’s allowance, but wasted no time in taking flight. Any and all stares and whispers were disregarded as he trudged right out of the restaurant to his boat while trying not to cry, his boots crunching loudly in the snow. It was fine. He hadn’t just made a complete imbecile of himself. No, no, NO. Time to go home. Time to take the week off and sleep the entire time.

Still sitting on the bathroom floor, Spongebob shuddered in distress – why wasn’t he allowed to help? Was Squidward really sick or was it something else? This was scary! He sniveled. Eugene helped him up and offered him a handkerchief. “Don’t worry about it, lad. It isn’t really that serious. He’ll be alright; he just needs some time to ‘imself. Try lettin’ him come to yeh when he’s ready, okay? It ain’t personal – he just ain’t feelin’ well and you know how that goes.” Krabs rolled his eyes. How crabby Squidward could become was astounding at times. His opinion was that the guy needed a good smack or five to set him straight, but he doubted it would work.

“Bu—bu—is he… D-do you know what’s going on..?” Spongebob wiped at his face with the handkerchief, still giving quiet hiccups and shaky sighs. Squidward ignoring him wasn’t all that shocking, but today’s reaction was so strange, and combined with the day after the party… He just couldn’t figure it out. He wanted to know!

“Well, I haven’t heard of any flus goin’ around, but with this blasted weather, I don’t doubt it,” Eugene said, glancing over at Spongebob. There was a pause when green met blue.

“… Are you sure?” Spongebob asked in a muffled voice from behind the handkerchief that he’d pressed over his nose and mouth, his watery eyes trained intently on the other. Eugene opened his mouth to respond, but at first, nothing came. He could tell… Spongebob knew. The boy was fully aware that it wasn’t a flu that was plaguing Squidward. He wasn’t stupid – okay, well, at times he could be, but he could also be very insightful and incisive. In that moment, Eugene wanted to tell him – he felt bad for him, and just… Oh, what a fine mess this was. Telling the truth would only worsen things; while it would explain Squidward’s moodiness, Spongebob would just be so utterly destroyed knowing he’d done that and even more wounded by the reaction it got and it just… It wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth breaking the poor thing with anxiety because it really wasn’t that big of a deal. If Squidward told him, that would be handled accordingly, but the chances of that were slim to none. Squidward could take care of himself. His hissy fit would fizzle out soon. And maybe, just maybe, he’d learn a damn thing or two from it. This whole ‘not-so-secretly in love with Squidward’ situation would eventually hit a turning point… It was certainly ramping up. He hoped that it would wind up being beneficial for Spongebob. If only he could persuade him to chase anyone other than Squidward! Ah, but attempts at that had failed so far, and would continue to fail so long as Spongebob held out hope that there was a prospect of being with him.

Exhaling, Eugene reached out and gave Spongebob’s shoulder a solid squeeze, compassion gracing his features. “… No. I’m not sure, Spongebob. It could be anything. But, whatever it is, just let it be. It’ll pass.” Clearly, Spongebob wasn’t happy with this answer. He clutched the kerchief as he lowered it, his lip wibbling again.

“But—“

“No.” Eugene pressed a finger to his lips to shush him straightaway. “No, Spongebob.” A whine. “No. I know yer worried, but you need to stop. Go read a book or watch TV or whatever it is that you kids do. Just go clear yer head and stop tryin’ to fix something that doesn’t need to be fixed! Let him do it on his own.” Spongebob tried to protest no further. He only wilted – that wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but… Maybe Mr. Krabs was right. Maybe it was just something he had to let go of. It was hard because he was afraid he’d done something wrong, but… Squidward probably wasn’t going to tell him, so there was nothing he could do no matter what.

“… Aye aye, sir…”

“Good boy! Now off with yeh, go make me some money! And it’s Christmastime y’know – go look at lights or go ornament shoppin’ after work! Do something fun, treat yerself! Forget about that old stick-in-the-mud!” Eugene guffawed then, thumping his employee on the back so hard it knocked him off-balance.

“Wah! Uh—I…” With the force of the gesture, his glasses were knocked slightly down the bridge of his nose – after adjusting them, he chewed on his lip thoughtfully. Well… That did sound pretty fun… He did love going around the city to see all the lights! As long as he bundled up, he could window shop and maybe buy some presents for people! “I… Yeah. Okay, yeah, you’re right! I will!” A resolute nod. He just had to put his mind to something else – he could go see the FAKE SANTA! Those were like the real Santa, except they were just his helpers and they were all over the world! They looked similar to him but you knew it was a helper if he was working at someplace like a mall. The real Santa only had time to visit peoples’ houses on Christmas Eve, after all! He gasped. “MR. KRABS! Did the helper Santa set his workshop up at the mall yet?!” Eugene watched in relief as life and enthusiasm returned to Spongebob.

“Err, I dunno. I think so! You should go check later! Just finish rakin’ in the dough for today first. And if yeh see Pearlie when yer there… Please tell ‘er to stop spendin’ all me money!” He groaned at the mere thought of it. She had her own job and she was STILL using his money! Little bloodsucker… Took after her father, she did. He was proud, but his wallet sure wasn’t. Spongebob gave a little laugh.

“Will do, sir! I’M READY! ORDER UUUUUUUP!” He cheered, jogging back to his post to turn those customers’ frowns UPSIDE-DOWN! The thought of talking to Santa (or in this case, Santa’s assistant) was totally revving him up! He couldn’t WAIT! He was grateful to have Mr. Krabs to lean on for advice. He was feeling better already!

“I can’t believe this. I can’t. What was I doing earlier? Why was—was his shirt really unbutto—OF COURSE IT WASN’T, YOU ABSOLUTE KELP-FOR-BRAINS! What is the MATTER with me?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?! I’VE DONE NOTHING WRONG! I don’t deserve this! This agony, this woe – it’s ENTIRELY unjustified! I have been nothing but a compassionate and kind person, and THIS IS THE THANKS I GET?! Thoughts of—of SPONGEBOB OF ALL PEOPLE?! And not only that, but having to endure a KISS from him!? I’VE GOT A REAL BONE TO PICK WITH YOU, KING NEPTUNE! His—he—it’s HIS fault for wearing those GLASSES and for being so IMPROPER as to UNDO HIS SHIRT AND TIE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORKDAY! POLISH HIS SHOES, WHY I NEVER! AND THEN HE FORGETS! WHAT AN ASSHOLE! I HATE HIM SO DAMN MUCH! I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM! HE DOES NOTHING BUT CAUSE ME ANGUISH! HE’S SO FUCKING INFURIATING AND RUDE AND IGNORANT AND IMBECILIC AND DISMISSIVE OF FEELINGS AND DISRESPECTFUL OF BOUNDARIES AND CLINGY AND PUSHY AND ATTENTION-HUNGRY AND SELFISH AND EGOTISTICAL AND PRESUMPTUOUS AND FUCK!! FUCK HIM! I DESPISE EVERY FIBER OF HIS BEING! SOMEONE LIKE HIM DOESN’T DESERVE ME! I’M TOO GOOD FOR HIM! I SHOULD HAVE ONLY THE BEST! HE’S NOTHING BUT A BOTTOMFEEDER AND HE ISN’T EVEN WORTHY OF BREATHING THE SAME WATER AS I DO! HOW DARE HE MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY?! HOW DARE HE RESORT TO UNDERHANDED TRICKERY TO MAKE ME—TO MAKE ME FEEL—AND SORT OF THINK HE’S—AGH! NO! Don’t fall for it, Squiddy! He’s not—it’s FINE! IT’S SO FUCKING FINE THAT I’M GOING TO FUCKING, JUST, FORGET ABOUT IT! IT HONESTLY NEVER EVEN HAPPENED AND I CAN JUST GO ON HATING HIM LIKE USUAL! I WON’T NEED TO DISGRACE MYSELF IN FRONT OF OTHERS BECAUSE I WON’T HAVE ANY WEIRD ASS THOUGHTS! LOOK, I’LL EVEN PROVE IT RIGHT NOW—“

Squidward was ranting and raving at the top of his lungs, doing anything to try to expel this unspeakable sickness that poisoned his body and mind. He was storming about his house, throwing anything unbreakable he could find. Upon making his eighteenth lap around his home, he circled back to his television whilst evading fallen objects, plopped his ass right down on the couch, and in some crazy, desperate attempt to prove that this wasn’t at all affecting him, turned on a romance movie. In order to calm his blistering blood, he panted harshly, bubbles forming each time his chest heaved. His teal tresses were completely ruffled and wild from him running about and pulling at them. He was so unkempt and out-of-sorts and it was so damn hot he was this close to running outside and faceplanting in the snow. … In all honesty, that was actually a good idea.

The beginning of the movie was mild enough that Squidward was able to ease his ragged breaths and fall into a stoic stillness. The main characters met one another and blah blah blah falling in love blah wacky antics blah blah. It was when they started getting closer that he became nervous. It was okay. Just two characters realizing their feelings for each other and going out on a date. Nothing wild or crazy here. “T… Take it easy, Squiddy old boy… Perhaps doing this today wasn’t the best idea…” He was still jittery from earlier. Soon, the time for the first kiss came, and he held his breath – here it was. The moment of truth. Carmine eyes were glued to the television as the pair embraced, running their hands over one another’s bodies, crooning affectionately in each other’s ears… The main character first kissed up their partner’s neck, then along their jawline to their chin… Their lips met, and Squidward swallowed thickly. It was a sensual, romantic kiss. It didn’t last for too long, and when they pulled back, they smiled, laughed, and held each other tight. This one was definitely more intimate than what he’d seen at the Krusty Krab.

His gaze gradually lowered after the scene ended. Trying his best to prevent himself from blushing, he stared down at his lap, hands clenched into fists. He breathed a puff of water. Unfortunately, his efforts to stop the heat were wasted – he reddened significantly as he processed the scene. Breathe… Calm… Breathe…

…

His kiss with Spongebob had been more of the needy, frenzied and passionate kind rather than the slow and sensual… What would it be like if..?

Naturally, Squidward began to shriek at the notion. This was becoming such a frequent occurrence that it was a wonder Neptune didn’t hear him all the way from Atlantis.

WHAT WAS THAT THOUGHT JUST NOW?! He’d FAILED! He’d utterly and wholly FAILED! Such a simple test – FAILED! WHY WAS IT SO DIFFICULT TO STOP THINKING ABOUT THE DAMN KISS?! WHY HAD HE JUST IMAGINED ANOTHER?! He had TOTALLY just envisioned what it would be like to have that sort of serene and languid kiss with Spongebob! Oh, NEPTUNE! He’d legitimately imagined HIMSELF… Holding Spongebob tight… Running his hand down his back to rest just above his tailbone… While Spongebob’s hands roam aimlessly around his torso in turn… And Spongebob smiles and giggles softly against his lips between kisses… Then Spongebob moves to kiss lazily at his jaw and neck, and then nuzzles his collarbone…

This ended in him flopping onto his side in defeat and merely bawling into his hands. This was too much. It was EXCRUCIATING. He hated this – hated every second of it – hated the person causing it, hated that he couldn’t stop these invasive thoughts, hated that he was so weak, hated that he’d stooped so low, hated that his mind had apparently deteriorated altogether, hated the sick part of himself that seemed to like it, hated the fact that he was single and craved affection, hated the fact that he couldn’t fucking control himself in any capacity and repeatedly made an utter buffoon of himself in public, hated the nightmarish visions his mind conjured up, hated the fact that Spongebob had dared kiss him in the first place… He needed to call his therapist. Pronto. She’d know what to do. Maybe she could hypnotize him into forgetting? She likely didn’t have any specialization in that, but it was worth a shot to ask…

Squidward’s overdramatic and excessively volatile reactions to the subject of Spongebob would seem outlandish to anyone. They were unnecessary and unreasonable. They were undeserved and unfair to Spongebob. They were unhealthy for the both of them. Yes, Spongebob could be incredibly annoying, and disliking him was one thing – savage hostility and resentment that was expressed so consistently, even sans provocation, was another. While there was no excuse for his behavior, there was a reason.

An obvious reason would be how persistent Spongebob was – not only could his personality be entirely grating, but he also didn’t always know when to quit. He could be sort of oblivious and had trouble distinguishing boundaries. If someone was already cross with him and he kept on pestering them, it would only cause more issues. He had improved over the years, but he still had work to do in that area.

There was a deeper reason than that, however.

Ironically, Spongebob reminded Squidward of himself; everything he’d been taught to hate within himself. While perhaps difficult to believe, it was the truth – he had once been similar to Spongebob. He had once been unashamed in feeling and expressing enthusiasm and exuberance. While he did still hold passion for things, he forced himself to taper a lot of his excitement.

His mentor had been Squilliam Fancyson III. They’d dated back in college, and Squilliam refused to be seen with Squidward if he acted in what was considered an ‘embarrassing and uncool’ manner. No longer was he allowed to jump for joy – instead, he had to construct a pretentious and ‘adultlike’ persona. He could not enjoy things that were deemed as childish or lowbrow. He was not allowed to do ‘cringeworthy and immature’ things such as talk loudly with excitement over something, hop about in delight, or act in any way that wasn’t cool, collected and sophisticated. If he did anything of the sort, he’d be reprimanded. He had to be an adult, and adults didn’t show such emotions.

Spongebob proudly flaunted everything Squidward had been forced to conceal. Spongebob was permitted to be juvenile and carefree and jubilant and passionate and energetic and…

Squidward resented it. It roused a lot of negative feelings within him that were extremely hard to deal with, and thusly presented as anger, reinforced by the ingrained adult façade. At the same time, however, he secretly found it refreshing and endearing and… He longed to feel that way again. To break down these harmful ideals and to stop hiding his emotions. To stop hurting people. To be happy again. To live again. Maybe being a kid, a goofball, a wingnut, and a Knucklehead McSpazatron wasn’t all that bad.

Spongebob Squarepants was a good person. He was sweet, kind and caring. He always did his best to help others and prioritized them over himself. He strove to make people smile and brighten up their days. He was talented, entertaining and driven. While naïve and exasperating, he was still lovable – he had flaws, just like anyone else. Underneath it all, Squidward knew that he cared for his neighbor a great deal and was truly grateful for his generosity and devotion… And he really was so sorry for being such a despicable asshole to him. A friend who wasn’t a friend. A loser who didn’t deserve anything he was given. He kept repeating the same mistakes and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to make up for it. He hated Spongebob, but he loved him too.

That being said, that was all… Mostly… On a platonic level. Going any further than that reactivated his defenses and suppressed those feelings – though to be fair, they were usually suppressed regardless. Romantic was a step too close and it would turn his entire world and everything he knew upside down. Liking him in a platonic way was hard enough to accept – how could he even ATTEMPT to think about anything else? Squidward had denial on top of his denial and it was bundled up in rage and depression. Spongebob was annoyingly immature and he hated him, and those were the facts. He’d never been interested in him and never would be, and those were the facts. He’d always just see him as a moronic coworker and neighbor that he perhaps inwardly appreciated, and those were the facts. It had been this way for many years and it wouldn’t change, especially not from some stupid kiss.

There was no possible way he could feel something like that for someone he despised so much! It made absolutely zero sense. Imagining a relationship with him was nauseating – why would he ever want to spend time with him or touch him or share a bed with him or go on dates with him or ANY of that garbage? If others wanted to, whatever. While he questioned their tastes, it was neither here nor there. As for HIMSELF? Oh no, absolutely NOT. Spongebob’s desires be damned – it wasn’t going to happen. Ever. Not in this lifetime, not in the next lifetime, not in the one after that. Never. He would surely get over his little crush and move on when someone else came along – it wasn’t worth it to make himself queasy by contemplating the notion.

Squidward cried for a good hour, overwhelmed, confused and consumed by the ravenous maw of self-pity. He couldn’t handle this; he wasn’t ready. There were too many things to face… Not only did he have to work through and decipher his feelings with Spongebob, but also his feelings with himself and his past. It was all tangled up in a forebodingly gargantuan, gnarled knot that he had to try to dismantle. There was no sense in getting into it… Spongebob had forgotten about this kiss and he sure as HELL would not be reminding him, ever, at all. It was best to just bury this and never address anything. That way, so long as Spongebob never brought anything up, they could all continue on their merry ways and everything would stay the same and he’d never be required to face that knot.  

The television, left unattended, pulsed with a soft glow, giving off restful background noise. The unintelligible chatter drowned out his heavy-hearted sniffles and sobs – only the blowing of his nose rose above it. By the time he’d exhausted himself, used tissues littered the area and the blanket he’d gotten drooped off of the couch and pooled on the floor near his feet. Everything hurt. The box of chocolate was now empty. He pushed himself up and staggered over to the front door. White flurries greeted him when he opened it, clinging to his shirt as they pleased. He could barely see due to how swollen his eyes had become, but he figured the snow looked deep enough…

He promptly allowed himself to fall facefirst into the pristine drifts.

While Squidward locked himself up at home to brood, Spongebob preoccupied himself by going shopping and seeing Santa after work. This continued for the next couple of days. Staying inside didn’t seem to hold a lot of relief for Squidward – while at least he didn’t have to suffer through going to the Krusty Krab and seeing Spongebob, it was just… Nothing helped. He was miserable for so many reasons. Not even his fuzzy bathrobe, chocolates and foreign dramas were working! Numerous things were tried, but not a single one assuaged him. He eventually decided that he should go outside and get the flow of some fresh currents, even if it was just for a short while…

It was flurrying. Flakes fell gingerly from above, enveloping the vast expanse of the seafloor in a soft silence. Such a silence was almost resounding. The currents rustled some leaves of kelp every so often and animals hid away in their homes. There was a satisfying heaviness in the water. The scenery was truly picturesque and it was… Soothing. Things were still and tranquil… He got a little lost in staring at all of the glowing lights strung on nearby houses. Since he had first made sure Spongebob wasn’t home before he ventured outside, he knew he was safe. He wanted to… Go into town though, maybe. Go shopping. A shopping trip would do him some good, yeah? He could look at art supplies and new clarinets… Yes. Shopping it was. He’d treat himself. Lord knew he needed it. He spent a little while cleaning off his boat and taking in his surroundings. As Squidward slid into the driver’s seat, he prayed he wouldn’t encounter too many lovey-dovey couples lest his fragile mind shatter more than it already had.

The city was hustling and bustling as per usual. Everyone was bundled up, head to toe, to shield themselves from the cold weather. Many folks were struggling under the weight of gifts, hailing taxies for their endless bags of presents. Others seemed to prefer window shopping, and were significantly less burdened. The streets and sidewalks were slushy and wet from snow, and salt crunched beneath many a passerby’s shoe. Christmas decorations were everywhere – lights and garland were hung on numerous buildings and trees, café signs had little gingerbread men and snowflakes drawn on them, and holiday music floated out between the opening and closing of store doors. Squidward headed straight for the music store – perusing the instruments would cheer him right up! It always did! The little bell on the door chimed as he walked in, and the shopkeeper greeted him from behind the counter. “Heyyyy! Zere he is! Squidward, où étais-tu passé, mon ami? It has been three weeks, I was getting worried!” A tired and crooked smile was Squidward’s response.

“Sorry. I’ve been terribly busy – you know how it is,” he said in a low voice, ambling over to one of the display cases, hands in his coat pockets. He’d known Julien for a long time now – he frequented the art and music stores in the area and had familiarized himself with the workers there. He enjoyed their company whenever he went, as they all had good taste and provided interesting conversation.

“Oh, oui, je sais. Ze holidays are always so hectic – it is difficult to get anything done! I am telling you, it is—AH! Squidward – you look terrible! Oh la vache de mer, have you been doing alright?!”

Squidward blinked – did he really look that rough? Yikes, how embarrassing… He’d better cover up some more. He pulled his scarf up to his nose, but not before daring a peek at his reflection in the glass of the case. “… Oh,” he unwittingly said aloud. Yes, yep. Uh huh. Mmhmm. He had absolutely left the house without taking much a look at himself and without making himself even remotely presentable enough for being in public. Why, again? Luckily, his hat covered his wild hair, but his face was an entirely different story. His cheeks seemed more sunken than usual. His nose was red from not only the cold, but very plainly from blowing it so much with how the blotchy color formed around his nostrils. His eyes were the true offender; they were bloodshot as could be and puffy to HELL and back with the skin around the corners being quite irritated. He honestly looked as if he’d been punched more than once. There was a pause as he inwardly panicked, searching for an excuse for his woebegone countenance, before he found an easy one: “… I’m, ah, sick.” Smooth. Nice. It was the easiest and yet the most believable coverup in the book, and it lined up with what he’d told Mr. Krabs! … Not that Julien would know that, but still.

“Zhen why are you out of bed?!” Julien chided, placing his hands on his hips. “You should not be wandering about, exposing yourself to Neptune knows what else! You need rest, not clarinet reeds!”

“I-it looks worse than it actually is, I promise!” Squidward held up his hands defensively. “Listen, I’m fine. I took some medicine and I’ve been in bed for days.” Both statements were actually true. “I’m finally feeling a little better and wanted to go out for a bit.” A lie; more like he wasn’t feeling better and was trying to by going out. Julien scrutinized him skeptically.

“… Hmph. So stubborn, you are. Just remember to look after yourself. Dans ce cas-là, while you are here, were you looking for something in particular?” Whew. Safe. Squidward cleared his scratchy throat.

“Not really… I might buy another instrument soon, though…” Maybe he should try something new. He’d never give up his clarinet, of course, but he wanted to try some other instruments too.

“Oh, oui? Do you know what kind you would like to try?”

“It might be time to get myself something in the piano family. I won’t buy it today – I’ll come back later in the week.” An early Christmas present? Yeah, his mood was improving already! He’d learn how to properly play the piano, and it would be FANTASTIC.

“OH~! MAGNIFIQUE~! Ici, ici! I will show you what I have!” Chirping in delight, Julien pranced over to his customer and tugged him along to eagerly show him the displays.

Meanwhile…

“… And Mr. Krabs wants another pony with saddlebags full of money. I know he got that last year, but he says he wants another. Okay, next, Sandy wants a HP Proliant ML350 G9 server – the uhh, one with Intel Xeon E5-2640 v3 Octa-core 2.60 GHz 16GB DDR4 SDRAM. Whew. That was a mouthful. Okay. Ah, Pearl wants front-row tickets to a Boys Who Cry concert with backstage passes. Larry wants a new—“

“Kid, could ya hurry it up a little? I hate to rush you, but there’s a line.”

Upon being interrupted, Spongebob looked up from his list to a slightly exasperated Santa. “Huh?” He turned his head a little to scan the amount of people waiting to see good ol’ Kris Kringle. “Oh, oops! I’m sorry! I’ll go for today! I made sure everyone already sent their letters to Santa, but I like telling you too, just in case. You got all that, right?”

“Yes, son,” Santa sighed, “I got all of it.”

“Great!! Thank you so much!” Spongebob hopped out of Santa’s lap, pleased with what he’d gotten done. Going through the entire list took a little while, so he’d been visiting the mall every day to see him! He still had gifts to buy too, oh… He really had to get on that! He hustled out of the mall, deciding he wanted to go check out the pet store first and window shop along the way. It was still snowing, but it had slowed down a bit. Something about the twinkling lights made his chest ache longingly.

He began his journey, strolling leisurely with his hands stuffed into his pockets and his eyes trained on every storefront he passed. “Maybe I should drop by one of the music stores in a while to see what I can get Squiddy this year…” Speaking of, he sure hoped he was okay… If not, he’d just have to cheer him up with the Best Christmas Present Ever™! “Ooh~!” Some attractive sweaters in a store window gave him pause, and he halted his trip to admire them. Once done, he resumed his walk, only to repeat the process as he made his way down.

Squidward, on the other hand, had left the music shop to go elsewhere. While pleased with his newfound knowledge of pianos, he now found himself surrounded with the thing he most wanted to avoid…

Love.

The streets were crawling with couples. Advertisements oozed romance and love of all kinds – after all, the holidays emphasized spending time with loved ones. He could visit his mother all he wanted – it was the ads with the kissing and the cuddling and the proposing that bothered him. Not to mention the mistletoe hanging all around – oh Neptune, he was getting flashbacks! He was beginning to grow flustered – his mood worsened with each display of affection he passed. Damnit, there went his progress. He’d anticipated this, but it still felt shitty… He just had to make it to the arts and crafts store. It wasn’t too far away now. He could do this – focus, Squidward! Eyes straight ahead! Think of the doilies! THINK OF YOUR DOILY COLLECTION, SQUIDWARD!

It would soon be apparent that this was the wrong time for a romp in the city.

Up ahead, he spotted someone positively glued to a store window, which at first, he didn’t think much of. They were bouncing on their heels with their hands and face pressed against the glass, making noises of delight and—wait a minute… That outfit sure did look familiar… The colorful teal, yellow and white wool hat, complete with pompom and earflaps… The matching striped scarf that had fringes at the end… The black peacoat that flared out a bit at the waist and went down to midthigh… The maroon leggings and the black snow boots with the straps on the sides… Squidward stopped dead in his tracks, which caused the person behind him to run into him.

“’Ey, buddy! Watch where yer goin’, will ya?” The stranger sneered as he shoved past him. Squidward didn’t have time to retort – he was too busy staring at the figure in front of the toy store. He couldn’t quite see their face as it was smushed against the window. It couldn’t be… Surely not—no, there were certainly others who owned an outfit as such! Still, though – and – oh no. Were those… Blond wisps of hair poking out from under his hat? Without realizing it, he had walked closer, and when the person pulled back enough that he could see their profile, the beating of his heart ceased.

As if that blue couldn’t get any brighter – his eyes were sparkling with wonder and amazement over the humongous tree cleverly adorned with toys in the store’s display. That smile was going to split his damn face in two one of these days. His cheeks were warm with joy, and his long nose nearly touched the glass that was fogged by his visible puffs of breath… To his credit, he had every right to be in awe – that tree was stunning.

Almost as stunning as the person standing before it.

When Spongebob began to pull away from the store, Squidward realized it was more than time to make himself scarce. He frantically ducked into a nearby alleyway, managing to get out of line of sight moments before the other waltzed on past. He watched him leave, probably looking like a total fucking creep as he was peering around the corner of the alleyway to do so, and all he could think about was… Just… Spongebob. Why was it always Spongebob?!

Shopping spree = bad idea. Very bad idea. Back to the house it was.

By the time he got there, Squidward had gone numb. His brain had utterly shut down in exhaustion from the multitude of intense emotions. The lights were left off when he entered his home. He grabbed his Teddy from the couch and brought him upstairs – curiously enough, he’d been clinging to that thing more often as of late… One could only wonder why – it certainly had nothing to do with the fact that it was a gift from Spongebob. It was just a stuffed animal, and stuffed animals were comforting. Right?

After undressing, Squidward lay in bed with Teddy close to his chest, staring at the ceiling vacantly. He could feel no emotion – that could potentially be considered a perk of full mental shutdown.

Spongebob was… Something else. He really was.

He didn’t know what to make of this. He didn’t understand his feelings, he didn’t know what sort of potion he’d drank to cause this, he didn’t know why Spongebob had a crush on him, he didn’t know why everything was throwing him for such a loop, he didn’t know… Anything, really.

Time for sleep. Before long, he’d recover from this, and hopefully forget about it. Spongebob would no longer have to worry about him, and things would go back to normal. With luck, Squidward would bury and forget about this incident. He’d forget he ever felt weird things for Spongebob fucking Squarepants and continue on hating him. Never again would they find themselves under mistletoe while Spongebob was drunk. Squidward would not have to face his inner demons.

… He was going to skip next week’s Very First Christmas™ party. Just to be safe.