#im gona put it in rice

[sleepingbeautyaurora]

Guys, I'm going crazy

My life is a mess, I have to study and I just CAN'T . I feel like i would die if I open that book. AAAAAAAAHHH

I was supposed to be eating health and being a wellness cute girl.

Like.... I been eating sugar 24/7

Omg I wanted to be a cute little health girl.

Ok, Im gona do some rules for my life and a little routine . (yes, it will be a lot all at once and maybe I won't do it, but it's cute and you never know):

Health lifestyle

Sleep

8hours of sleep

Sleep-9pm

Wake up-5 or 5:30am

No cellphone 1hour before sleep (8pm) (read a book, listen to music, meditate, write etc)

Hygiene

Shower everyday (also Moisturaze)

Always with a Toiletry bag (toothbrush and toothpaste, dental floss, mouthwash, sanitary pads and I recommend and extra pair of underwear)

Make your bad every day(in the morning)

Clean day (at least) once a week (Sunday)

2spa days a week (wash hair, esfoliant, shave, paint nails etc)

(those I already do🤍)

Food

Eat real foods

500ml of water before meals

3fruits a day

No sugar

6am breakfast with protein carbs fat (2egg toasts and avocado)

1pm Lunch (protein with rice and salad)

4pm Snack (fruits and oats)

6pm dinner (fish and pasta)

I like that Mediterranean diet, it seens like a very health thing and a lifestyle. You eat a lot fruits, cereals ( and complex carbs), fat (Olive oil and oilseeds), milk and yogurt and lean protein (fish) - I'll do a post only about it🤍

Exercise

You should do 30min of exercise on 4/5 days of the week (yes, that's a lot, but I think if we find the right kind of exercise we could do it - dancing, walking, a sport (like volleyball), pilates etc)

Having a time in day day where you always do it should also help (morning/afternoon/night)

I, personally, like dancing, like, I'll put a music and be an idiot dancing(there're also dance videos on YouTube). Lets put this activity at 5pm?ok

There a lot of other things, like style, hair, relationships, manifestation and energy, hobbies, mental health, study etc . I can do about this too. But I'll try to focus on those habits for now.

Byee🤍🤍🤍

[tokyyovie]

i’m not home rn and im trying to connect to the wifi to play valorant but my computer is being a little bitch.

[gdaxxxx]

Sunday, November 7, 2021 12:56 am ChSt

Wasn't able to "go home" today. In other words i wasnt able to talk to you today. It's one of those days. Until today you're still "home" for me. Its not right i know, but it is what it is. Its just different when i get to talk or even just listen to you. But yeah anyway. 😊 just got home a few min ago. Super exhausted. After work, kevin came over to pick up me and kuya dai, we went to buy some stuff to put in his house, made him a shelf for his collection. And some hook hangers then we cleaned his house think we'll be doing it every weekend. His lazy ass can't do shit even if its for him. Haha. Then we had dinner there, just cooked rice and opened some canned goods. Then he got a pizza. I think he also got his first paycheck from his new job today. Think we're gona set up his place to be like the new hang out spot so he has to keep it clean. His old place was just geez. 🤢 Literally like a dump. Haha. Later, not sure yet what we're going to be up to. But i dont think ill be up until like noon. Im really tired. Ugh. Wish i could just see you right now to make it all better. I hope you're okay panda. Dont forget to smile okay? I miss you. Ima get some sleep, goodnight beautiful princess. Hughug. No more ansha okay? You got this! 😊🐼🐼

[disorganisedpilot]

captains log

this ones going under a cut for weight discussion including numbers pls be careful folks <3

got woken up by my dog lying on me at 7am im <333

i ate 3 whole croissants for breakfast lmaoooo. with orange juice and 2 cups of coffee and lots of raspberry jam <3

i weighed myself for the first time since september and ive dropped literally almost two whole stone. this is fucked. i didnt mean to lose weight at all, i was already severely underweight when i weighed myself in september. but my mental health has rlly done a number on me this past few months and i stopped eating for a while and even when i started again i didnt eat much or frequently n ive had some Issues around eating. mostly executive dysfunction stuff but also some weird like. paranoia ig or intrusive thought idk what to call it where i was convinced that what i was eating was actually smth else in disguise or that there was smth really fucked up about it . one time i tried to eat an egg but i was convinced there was like a dead chick in the yolk and there were some lil bits in it and i was convinced they were its mangled up bones. also dont @ me i know thats physically impossible on so many levels but my brain hasnt met a rational thought in weeks. i did end up eating the egg anyway tho i managed to talk myself down from it with Science(TM). but id cooked another egg then and i threw the other one out bc i convinced myself it wasnt fully cooked when it almost certainly was.

i love that i can eat mangled chick egg but not *slightly* raw egg god my brain is so funny. it turned out what i thought was mangled chick corpse was a bit of bread that had fallen into the egg. literally if i dont laugh at my stupid issues i die but genuinely this is so funny to me now. like . elwood... cool ur boots . its a bit of  fuckin toast. u put it there urself u stupid bitch

so yea anyway im now like. 2 stone past ‘severely underweight’. yikes. hopefully being home and having osmeone else cooking will help me get it up a bit more

it was nice sleepign at a normal time last night but once again its 02:51 i hate this why am i like this

had some issues w my fam today. im too tired to talk abt it . safe to say being home is exhausting and im really feeling the whole. ‘u cant recover from trauma until ur free of the situation’. most of the things therapists have told me to do to help my cptsd symptoms are things that in these kinds of situations would put me in More danger. realising that in these situations my cptsd symptoms arent symptoms. theyre self defense and they serve a valid person

reason? not person. ffs

had a BLT for lunch

went outside n exercised which was p good. tried to work and failed miserably

ate 2 crumpets w butter and a cup of tea

chicken curry w aubergine and red pepper and rice for tea n i had a square of chocolate w marzipan afterwards

watched a film w my fam

spiraled in the evening. i vented a bit to a friend and on twitter and my paranoia is acting up so badly as well as a lot of neurosis lol. im just sure everyone hates me and finds me so cringey and . i can feel the disappointment and dread they all must feel when they have a notification from me and i hate it.

the paranoia is slightly different and wayyyy scarier but rn its too bad for me to talk abt lol

im gona go n sleep an try to forget how much everyone must feel secondhand embarrassment every time i speak