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#im hoping to do things at home but it’s not the same.
ilwonuu · 2 days
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saw ur posts and i really hope you're feeling okay now! if you feel like writing i wanna ask for some reqs where in the established relationship reader realized just how much jungwoo loves her bcs she's on her periode week and jw is taking care of her nicely without hesitating even adjusting his works and providing his help to accomplish reader's workload. thank you so much i really hope you're doing good and having a happy days ahead <3
thank you so much same for you:( i love this idea bc im always soft for jungwoo<3 thank you for requesting i hope you enjoy hehe,,,
honey
*๑♡՞ kim jungwoo
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ᖗ pairing- established relationship, idolbf!jungwoo x fem!reader
ᖗ warnings- fluffy fluff , mentions of period pain/cramps, reader is not feeling great thru most of this, jungwoo is a sweetheart <3, he loves reader sm bye,,,,lmk if i missed something
ᖗ a/n- hi mls!!! i missed posting and i haven’t written for jungwoo in a while and i think he might be one of my biases,,,anyways i hope u guys enjoy<3 not proofread 😪
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you have been rotting in your bed for hours. you asked your boyfriend to bring you some extra feminine products just incase. he was quick to respond to your text. he sent you a text saying he would be home soon with everything you need. you sighed in relief feeling so thankful for him. you cuddle up into your blankets as you wait for your boyfriend.
you watch whatever dumb dating show you had on earlier. your pain on the first day differs but this time is was painful as hell. you took some ibuprofen but it hasn’t started working yet leaving you to suffer. you hear the front door open making you smile to yourself. you see your boyfriend with a bag from the store.
“i asked you for a couple things- baby you didn’t have to get all this.” you sit up to face him as he brings the bag over to your side of the bed. “i know you did. i wanted to get your favorite snacks and some more stuff just to make sure you have it. i’m sorry you don’t feel good sweetheart.” he sits on the bed next to you. he pulls you into a gentle hug as he rubs your back.
“how was your day other than that? did you rest mostly?” he massages your back looking at you for your response. “it was good. i was missing you all day. i was just watching tv and cleaning a little but i gave up on the cleaning very fast.” you smile at him as he smiles back. “yea? i was missing you too. don’t worry about the cleaning i will take care of it all.” he rubs your cheek softly as you lay against his chest.
“how did you come home so early? i thought you had long schedules today?” the two of you move to lay down under the covers together. he pulls you close as he faces you. “yea i had meetings mostly but we got done like right before you texted me so i was quick to get you things.” his hand is resting against your hip as he gently massages your side. “you’re gonna put me to sleep baby.” you laugh as you close your eyes.
“come here.” he says pulling you to kiss him. you kiss him back quickly melting into the kiss. he holds your side gently as he kisses you softly. “i really missed you.” you pout looking at him. “i really missed you too, honey. you were all i was thinking about during my meetings.” he smiled at you again. he leans down to plant a kiss on your forehead.
“i love you.” you sigh at the cramps you feel. “rest honey. see if you can nap? i love you more.” he looks at you with a soft expression as he helps you get comfortable. he rubs your back softly until you fall asleep next to him. he just smiles as he watches you sleep peacefully.
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jungwoo woke up early that next morning to make sure you had enough food. he made you your favorite breakfast when he saw that you were slowly stirring awake. you watched him bring in your breakfast as you fully wake up. your cramps already kicking you in the ass in the first few seconds of you being awake. you sigh at the feeling but smile at your boyfriend.
“you ok sweetheart?” he sets the food down on the side table as he climbs back into bed. you kiss his lips quickly as you climb out of bed to go to the bathroom. “i’m fine! don’t you worry.” you smile back at him as you quickly use the bathroom. you come to your bedroom feeling a little bit better as you crawl next to your boyfriend. “you didn’t have to make this for me. thank you- wait what time is it don’t you have dance practice today?” you ask as you start eating the breakfast he prepared for you.
“oh yea! i do i just told them i had my girl to spend time with. we pushed it to this afternoon so i can stay with you a little longer. then i can bring home dinner for us!” he smiles at you softly. “how are you feeling though? need medicine, water, anything you need i will get it.” he smiles to himself as he feels the need to help you without thinking about it for a second.
“i’m feeling okay today- my cramps are killing already but i think i just need to finish eating this and it’ll help. thank you baby.” you smile back at him as you continue to eat. “ok. let me know if that changes. as for now i’m here to give you love.” he kisses your head as rubs your thigh softly. you finish your breakfast after a bit with a smile. you look over at your boyfriend to see him already looking at you. you start to tear up as your thoughts start to clutter your head.
“baby? what’s wrong?” his expression is a more serious one as he pulls you closer to him. “n-nothing- i just- you’re being so nice to me. i feel so shitty and here you are making me feel so much better- cooking me breakfast? jungwoo you are too much.” you start to cry as he holds you in his arms. “sweetheart i will do absolutely everything for you. you are my main priority. i don’t need anything else but you. i will always be here when you don’t feel good.” he kisses your cheek as more tears fall from your eyes.
“honey- i love you so much okay? come here.” he pulls you closer to him as he kisses your lips. you kiss him back as you feel him pull away. he kisses your tears and gently wipes them away. “my pretty girl. i love you more than you know.” he smiles at you sweetly as he rubs your hair back. “i-i love you jungwoo.” you sigh into his arms as you stop yourself from letting more tears fall. “you are the best boyfriend i could ask for.” he shakes his head.
“you’re the best girlfriend i could ask for. you deserve the best only you know that. i will never give you less than you deserve. now let’s cuddle until i have to go to practice, i don’t want to leave your side until i have to go.” you laugh at him shaking your head. “what about my online classes? i haven’t done any assignments for this week.” you groan thinking about your work. “don’t worry about it until i leave! when i come back ill help you he smiles kissing your head as you two stay tangled in each others arms for the next hours to come.
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rs-wonderland · 9 hours
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Good morning! May I please request a scenario with 💗 and 💖 where Yandere!Male!Reader and Yandere!Floyd try to kidnap each other, only to realize each other's efforts, and deciding to date and occassionally let each other kidnap their lover just for funsies? Thank you. 🖤
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Floyd pov, Octavinelle:
A normal day at Octavinelle, and in Mostro Lounge the students were working well with lot of guest. What can possibely ruined this day. "Im going to get Shirmpy, don't wait for me at dinner~" Floyd said as he was walking fast with rope and- handcuffs...?
"Floyd, may i ask why are you-" Azul was cut of with Jade putting his hand on his shoulder. "Are you sure that they are ready? You know, humans are very, complicate for does things." Jade said in his usual voice, the twins were nothing a like. All tho, they must all agree, the one thing they had in common, other than there looks, was understanding desire's they had for there goals. And if Floyd wanted you, then who is Jade to stop him.
"Yeaaaa~ i think he is finally ready to live here with us. He can get some rest here, far away from others and that little cat-raccoon thing. And if he is not, well, he will be soon~!" He said in his usual cheerful tone. Azul looked at both of twins as he shifted his gaze back to his paper. "You will have to work double after your little 'love emergency' you just took, Floyd." Flyod nodded, and continue to go his way.
"You think that this is going to end bad?" Azul asked Jade. Jade simple looked at Azul and smiled softly. "We'll see, but, knowing Floyd and Y/n, i think they'll both be just fine." Azul sighed as he got annoyed, the twins relationship and there understending for one another was weird mistery to him. "I hope so, and just for a information, i am not feeding another mouth here."
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Your pov, in dorm:
Normal day for Grim, laying around and doing nothing. Until his human decited to ruin it, "Do you think Floyd would walk me back home so i can lock him in?" yea another dumb idea by him.
"How do you think to lock him? He is huge?" Grim didn't quit get the whole thing, but he didn't care he has his tuna. "Camon Grim, wouldn't it be nice to have a roommate?" Y/n was delusional by thinking Floyd was stupide but yet again who care? He has no choice after all.
Grim sighed as he sat up. "I am not sharing my tune." Y/n sighed as he looked down at Grim, while fixing his uniform. "I don't think a fish would eat, a fish Grim..." "It's Floyd, you never know."
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Floyd was walking around the school, looking for his little darling. He didn't even try to hide his ropes. Y/n was looking around trying to find him, as he spoted Flyod he sighed as he smiled warmly. "Floyd~! Hey-?" He stopped as he saw the ropes.
Floyd smiled widely as he looked down at you. "Shrimpy~!" He hugged you tightly as he put rope behined you. "Stand still~!" You looked at Flyod confusted with a biggest blush on your face. "What on earth-?" Floyd looked down at you with a smirk. "What's wrong Shrimpy?"
You couldn't believe, rope? Tight hug? He couldn't possibly have the same idea, right? "Floyd are you trying to-?" Floyd just smirked as he pulled you closer to him while wrapping whole rope around you. "My little Shrimpy~! You aren't getting away from me~" You smiled as he picked you up, carring you like a huge prize he just won. "Yes, yours only, Floyd...."
What a start to an oh so beautiful love story~♡
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good-beanswrites · 6 months
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There haven't been any Milgram headcanon requests so far, right? How about 🧸 and 💔 for Mikoto?
Mikoto time!! Thank you for the request -- I know it's risky posting headcanons so close to Double, but I'll come back and ammend anything that might be proven wrong on Wednesday 😂
🧸 A headcanon about their childhood: Through his early schooling years, Mikoto was present for a lot of extracurricular activities. He didn't always care/give his all, he just enjoyed hanging out with others and fooling around. The reason he can be such good friends with everyone is because he's picked up on tons of little things over the years by dabbling in all those arts, fields of study, sports, etc. Once he finds out your hobby, he can immediately retrieve some bit of knowledge/memory to get a conversation going, or even join in the activity. Mahiru is pleasantly surprised by his classic literature references, gardening club gets him on Shidou's good side, Muu likes talking to him about fashion tips, he can play sports with Fuuta, he tries to bond over band memories with Amane, and so on. When he was a kid he was just trying things out for fun, but as an adult he's grateful he picked up on so much.
💔 An angsty headcanon: He's accustomed to, and expects, bad separations. So many friendships and relationships ended on a very sour note, so now he's used to pulling away first. (There was no aggression or violence, but) the appearance of different alters followed by the host's insistent denials would make others think poorly of him. The more he claims ignorance, the more it seems like he's just gaslighting/manipulating, so there have been a few explosive separations in which he had no idea what went wrong. Because of that, it's been harder to get close to anyone, and he will start pulling away the minute things show signs of trouble. It's why he left the smoking group so quickly, and doesn't hang out with the other prisoners as often in T2. Instead of waiting for an inevitable fight, he ends things immediately and peacefully.
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szappan · 5 months
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also today me and an exchange student i became tentative but earnest friends with over the semester realised we're probably never going to see each other again it's all so strange how quickly you can start missing people
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todayisafridaynight · 5 months
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One of my fave jackets is this green jacket with a fur hood im wearin rn because 1.) its green 2.) my dad gave it to me 3.) it reminds me of saejima. Who also reminds me of my dad
#snap chats#p sure i talked bout this jacket before but idc read my diary#sorry that every other middle aged man i see i say reminds me of my dad its a compliment#tbh love how i clowned on ichi for being on premium copium bout arakawa but highkey i woulda done the same bout my dad.. i get it ichi..#anyway :) i legally get to talk about my day with him now :)) HE SAID THE FUNNIEST SHIT UPON SEEING ME#HE SAID ‘oh wow we dress similar :)’ and keep in mind. he was wearing a latte brown coat with a black turtleneck and pants and shoes#meanwhile. i approach With Black Pants And Shoes Admittedly but then im in this goofy old ass jacket with a red scarf#and a crane-decorated dress shirt that i got two buttons undone on like DAAD you are senile. hes so funny#so fun my dad actually recognized this was the jacket he got me- it was one of the first things he bought for me after i told My Secret 🙈#also i finally asked how tall he was and i can’t believe my dad matches the criteria to be an rgg character he’s fuckin 6’1 like i thought#AH but today was really nice- i got to hang with my sis and her husband as well as my dad’s wife :)#it was awful tho cause the second my sis saw my dad’s outfit she’s just like ‘it’s so kdramacore’ AND SHES RIIIGHT 😭😭#we later found out dad’s wife loves kpop…. and she bought him his new clothes…. so we are no longer surprised….. AWFUL.#honestly i could write a drama based off my dad’s life i really could it has elements for it. i mean ig i kinda do that already dont i#i borrow. anyways. today was fun :) even if i almost lost my mind trying to take the train the first time#this train system was weird… it wa worth tho it was great seein popop again#yeah….. ugh i have to still drive home from the station. and hope my car is still there#i get very paranoid leaving my car alone so openly i dont like it…#anyways. bye bye :) i might nap til my stop or work on a fic i started#‘snap what happened to’ dont worry about it i need to look at something else or ill scream#ok bye 👋
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stillcominback · 5 months
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🎀 🎀 🎀
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volk-swag-genitalia · 1 month
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the prophetic dreams are getting much more concerning
#not a joke#so like im pretty damn convinced i have prophetic dreams#except one problem is they're not very straightforward#and i never really realize they are prophetic until its too late#i had a dream my lil brother attended the former school i used to study at and something bad would happen to him#i brushed it off at the time because i thought there would be no way in hell my parents would send me off to this school#years later they enrolled him in.#and well its an average school experience for him. some classmates are absolute jerks tho. but the main event in that dream didnt happen ye#because the main event happens at a school camping event. now im worried my brother would die at said camping event. but hey no camping yet#another instance was when i dreamt we went up the escalator up the mall we used to always go to#it was late into the pandemic at the time so i thought ''no way would we end up going'' but then i woke up to my mom announcing that#you guessed it#we were going to that mall#anyways those are a few instances.#right nowi had a dream i went out to lunch after college and snapped at a man for calling me ''ma'am'' because i mentally could not take it#and im scared now#with how i've been mentally. something like that WOULD happen. poor guy#but also i had a beard. why would he do that?#and the dream was also veryyy vivid.#granted not all of my dreams come true.#and i hope it STAYS that way#anyways aside from that i've also had recurring dreams of the ocean levels rising so bad that my home town ended up flooding and dissapeari#well i havent been having the flood dreams lately#that dream had two outcomes. in both outcomes people have adpated and started building a city that could take in the new environment#in one outcome they managed to build an underwater city to regain what was left of the cities that got submerged. people actually helped ea#h other and people were thriving.#in another outcome#society just ended up the same. all of the problems we had now carried on & we were eaten by the sun. except the sun was an eldritch being?#ok for sure that sun thing wont come true. or would it???#nah. i mean according to what we know of the sun. nah.
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yourcalamity · 8 months
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im about to have such a potent opportunity to disappear into the woods forever it itches
#i wonder how long it would take anyone to figure it out lol#youre welcome future coldcase vloggers#but for the record if i do mysteriously vanish no its not because of my job#must be said because thats the easiest explanation people come up with yeah it would be convenient right#if i could just get a new job and suddenly everything in my life will be fixed and all of the other blatant issues clearly coming from other#sources will cease to exist#also therapy and meds will do the same thing. i might as well walk up to a stranger and ask them to snap their fingers and cure me#just as long as the hand i turn to for help points in another direction technically im being ‘helped’ right#life is just a fight and you have to keep fighting for yourself and others and hope one day someone is going to fight for you#and when people dont fight for you when you need them to it becomes clear that you dont even need to fight. it would be easier to lose#you already upset them by not fighting for yourself and instead of fighting for you now theyre fighting againt you. do you really want to#fight harder. do you really want to fight people you love. no one wants that#ive been so emotionally destroyed these past years and idk if i will ever recover or find worth in myself again#and if i got a new job tomorrow at the most comfortable high paying company in the world with a one day work week and unlimited pto#i would still feel worthless because of the experiences ive had and the way everyobe has brushed over them as if i cant feel emotion#i have been carrying so much hurt#now im going home to say goodbye to the remains of a stranger who wouldve disowned me had we ever spoken on even ground#but sure i will enjoy my trip
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casual-eumetazoa · 10 months
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I’m having surgery on Monday (it’s elective and I’m very glad to be having it) which means I will spend all of next week and possibly more laying in bed and doing nothing. 
Therefore I am collecting suggestions for TV shows, YT video essays, YT videos in general, and podcasts (fiction and non-fiction). Sci-fi and horror are my go-to genres for everything fiction. For video essays / podcasts: science and literature are my preferred topics but I am willing to watch 10 hours of someone talking about, idk, competitive dog grooming or 17th century Hungarian folklore if the essayist really cares about it. Though I am kind of tired of super political/depressing/heavy topic video essays tbh. Not in fiction! In horror, I go as hardcore as it gets.
So yeah, if anyone has suggestions, please throw them at me. Not taking recommendations for books cause my TBR is 47 positions long :) And it terms of games I’ve been playing nothing but Hollow Knight for the last 2 months and I don’t see that changing any time soon. 
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catchmewjsn · 5 months
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#honestly they moved me to a different office right now so im not alone in my place anymore and tbh i should not be complaining bc at least#this one gets warn fast and im not in the open first to call usually and all but idk i feel like an intruder there and miss having lots of#place and the fact noone seen my screen etc and just overall i would prefer sitting next to the guys but also 😶 idk i just dont like anyone#hearing my phone calls etc and also i fucked up at work today BADLY but noone knows yet and this sounds like i fuck up a lot but i always#called the smaller mistakes this too i guess shskd also i almsof argued with a man who's our client on the phone but for gods sake i do know#i am right and idk if he's making me feel stupid or something or is he using one of my mistakes for his own good idk idk idk it will be a#nightmare to make this work now#and also we are having some kind of meeting with food etc tomorrow in the office upstairs but also rhe atmosphere is so not it and dudes not#at work tomorrow and he should be the one in there and like idk it all works like a fucked up chaos i also almost argued with the d irector#today bc of this lmao almost on dude's behalf bc tht waa the situation that pissed me off first#and i got to walk or catch a bus home tomorrow and like my mind does work so fast and keeps overthinking lately 😕#walking isnt the best best for me tbh#also i made plans with my friend and i do hope i open to her during the weekend bc i want to talk about everything so badly but at the same#time idk like i cant talk about personal things anymore (except here) she doesn't know what is making w suffer 😔#i think i made a decision about monday tho not the best one but both were bad so at least here i am...#anyone i am still helpless and that's what the sentence will end at bc i don't want to say the same thing again and again and again#anywya i have to delete this bc its too much details soon
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arthur-r · 8 months
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genuinely how does someone succeed in college when you’re so terrified of being incorrect or looking stupid that you can’t even say anything to begin with???? i was trying to go into this year brave and everything but i’ve already been laughed at multiple times by a class full of people older and scarier than me and i already feel like i’m being judged and underestimated for so many reasons that i don’t want to give anyone another reason to look at me that way. but it’s gotten to the point (in the less than one week that classes have been in session; maybe it’s always been at the point) where i’m failing to submit assignments because i know that my teacher is going to see it and think i’m stupid, and never listen to me again, and i’m going to lose all the credibility that i’m trying so desperately to hold onto. and i know from a logical standpoint that it’s the teacher’s job to meet people where they’re at and lift them up from there, but honestly is that much even true anymore?? isn’t college about figuring out who has what it takes and who is going to get left behind???? why did i enroll in fucking honors classes of course i can’t do this???? i’m really not feeling well and i stayed in tonight and missed dinner and i miss home and i miss being able to talk to my friends and not be actively ruining my future. i feel like i’m always good until i’m not, and i don’t realize i need help until i’m too far in and by the time i get it, i won’t need it anymore but i’ll have ruined everything back when things were worse. i’m isolating from my roommate (who hates me because he thinks i hate him) and losing every friend i’ve started to make at the same time as i’m losing all the real friendships that i already have. and my roommate is across the room right now as i’m quietly fucking crying. and i want to go home and i want to be safe. and why is everything so unfamiliar and simple and wretchedly complicated.
#im really not feeling well. i want to go home and im not used to that at all#i miss my little sister. i miss my teachers and i miss my friends. im not used to this#what prompted all of this: i was trying to do my linguistics homework and i made it about an hour in coming up with faulty hypotheses#and i realized that far of the way through. that the only dialects i’m fucking familiar with are all fucking variations of north central#‘whoa somebody talks similar in anchorage as they do in taylor’s falls?? it must signify a deep linguistic thread traceable over generations#they’re just both right next to fucking canada???? of course they fucking sound similar???? the fact that i don’t know anyone from the east#or the south and even the people i know in the west are still the same fucking thing we all talk the fucking same#i know village english that’s a little fucking interesting but it’s not like i have any INSIGHT i don’t KNOW anything!!!!#told my french teacher i’m learning latin he asked me if it’s fucking ecclesiastical because once you’re in college it’s just normal i guess#i just feel like. yes i’m here because some part of me stood out from my peers. but in this group of special people?? i’m nothing!!!!#so i’m really struggling. and i want a hug and i wish things were different. i want to be here but i don’t feel like i deserve it#and i’m not going to get anything done if i keep feeling like this#i dont know. i hope everyone is doing well. sorry for the extra stress it’s just really difficult and strange#i hope everyone has a good night - i’m heading to bed soon#me. my post. mine.#friends only#vent cw#delete later#and everyone here speaks fcuking MANDARIN or something and all of a sudden my five years of french feels fucking basic.#kids who have been in advanced programs since birth. the imposter syndrome is fucking PALPABLE!!!! i want to go home and i want to forget#okay i’m done. im done!!!! everything is fine. hope everyone is well
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mayclair · 2 years
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the whole max and mike’s lives being foils of each other’s is so insane to me bc its like. for mike max is a representation of everything that could have happened to him if his mom left his dad earlier on (and what can still happen when you look at the way things are between them) and for max mike is a representation of everything that she could have had growing up if her mom hadn’t decided to leave her dad as fast as she did
#there is no way they don’t resent each other for it just a little bit. no fucking way sorry#mike knows max grew up with a shittier home life but still wishes his mom had the guts to do the same her mom did and left his dad bc#at the end of the day there is a little bit of bitterness towards both his parents for not making their relationship work out specifically#towards his dad bc his mom is actually involved in his life and did try to pretend that everything was normal when it wasnt which directly#ties into his desperate attempts to make his relationship with el seem normal to both of them when its not bc theyve both never been normal#they dont even know what normal really IS which also ties in to his very deep fear that the two of them will end up like his parents and so#meday he’ll become his dad and he doesn’t know which one is more terrifying so instead he blocks it all out in True Mike Wheeler FashionTM#and just keeps wishing that his mom left his dad because maybe if there was a distance between them when he was growing up maybe things wou#ldve been different maybe he wouldnt be this much like his dad#max on the other hand LOVES her dad they had one of those relationships where he wasn’t neglectful but wasn’t a great parent either but she#still loves him for trying and while her mom did try she gave up after a while while her dad didn’t. that was the real dealbreaker for max#and while after all this time she keeps saying im going to run away to cali and im going to live with my dad. but its not just the need to#see someone who cared for her the most during her early years its also the childish hope that her mom will notice that shes missing anf#come looking for her and that maybe when her parents finally meet again they can reconcile and get back together bc that is really all shes#ever wanted in her life since she was a kid and she feels bad for it bc she knows that her mom and dad’s relationship was never supposed to#last but she still wishes and wishes which is why that little bit of bitterness against mike will never fall away no matter how irrational#it is bc its like. his parents dont love each other but are still together for their kids. why couldnt my parents do the same? was i not en#ough reason for them? and this ties into her breaking up with lucas over and over again bc shes seen her parents and how they never fought#for each other and shes afraid that somewhere along the line her relationship with lucas will turn out the exact same and hell leave her so#its better to just leave now before it gets serious then later when it will hurt too much but lucas keeps coming back for her which makes#her realize that maybe it doesnt have to be like that maybe they wont be like her parents#anyway this is incoherent as fuck but shane mandej voice IVE CONNECTED THE DOTS#mike wheeler#max mayfield#stranger things
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newtness532 · 1 year
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im going to have to start studying tomorrow
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skittlewaffle · 1 year
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Christmas gift for @madame-mongoose !!! ✨
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#some reflections on 2022 as a year bc im bored and tired mostly prob bc my hormones r fucked up#ill b real. it was not a great one. not the worst i guess. that award goes to 2016 when i was a junior in undergrad and i was spiraling#and i did kno y it was happening so it was scary. now at least i kno why mostly but i think ive experienced the most soul rattling cosmic#despair in this year just bc i pushed and pushed to the point of destruction and i mean i have a history of doing that but i never wanted#to like quit before like as in fucking quit my job and just fucking break things. its weird. and ive got that panic feeling now#its the same one i get when ive been in therapy for a while and nothings helping. and i keep thinking: help me help me someone make this#stop bc i dont want to b like this anymore and i dont kno what to do. bc i was hoping a break would heal me and that would b enough but#the fears been creaping in the past few days bc deadlines and projects snd i havent done anything i need to and i still just want to give#up. ugh. im probably just feeling melodramatic bc i overextended socially yesterday. but idk what to do. hope for a better year i guess#at least i kno i wont b living where i am in 8 to 10 months. so change is coming but things r still up in the air#and i mean 2023 wont b off to a great start bc i have to go to lunch with my grandparents and i dont want to#why? bc i think theyre bad ppl. and itll just b me. and i dont kno for how long ill b there.#my last day home and i have to spend time with them. i shoulf b working on a manuscript. i should b doing that now#but instead im laying here trying not to cry. i just wanna go to sleep. less than 48hrs and ill b back to the desert#feeling a little better maybe but idk all is not well#so yea hopefully 2023 will b a bit better#unrelated
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soldier-poet-king · 2 years
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Been haunted recently by a series of dreams where I reconnect with childhood/teen crushes and we become friends again and go from there and I'm just???? Why has this happened multiple times lately, esp with someone who I fairly certain is still single and was perhaps the kindest person I ever knew and tbh would still marry in a heartbeat and like. There is an Event Tomorrow that I already didn't want to go to but now I'm FOR SURE not going just to avoid the likelihood of running into them and all the mixed up bad complicated feelings it would cause. I will simply stay home in the basement and pretend I am not in the Agonies
#why is being in ur late 20s moving back to ur childhood home#the neighborhood that no one else ever left#and being there and being the only person to have left and returned#why is it literally the worst thing in the world#franposting#idk whats wrong with my sleeping brain bc bitch i dont want this.#even if it were possible. i cant extricate my affection for (redacted) from my tangled up mess#of a friend group from that time. theyre all still friends! that i havent spoken to in 7 yrs!! i cant do this#and yet i still think of G with fondness and love. i hope he is well#and i found out recently that M did have a crush on me in middle school#which is WILD bc i was an extremely ugly annoying kid#and he was popular and a hockey player#and we were tenuously in the same friend group. but on opposite ends#with the pretty white girls as mutual friends#we did at one point work at the same camp#i found this out tho bc my mother ran into his mother and she was asking after mr#me* and was like oh hows fran? M had such a crush on her#and im????? HELLO????#anyway. i want to stop thinking about romance but the brain demons have decided to plague every sleeping moment#with reunions and reconnections ill never have#and yet its like. you should message G. see what hes up to. if hes single#ik he went back to school his brother posted abt it#but his brother is popular and married and social (even i briefly had feelings for him)#but G was more awkward less conventionally pretty. but kinder. more lovely to me in every way#ugh ugh ugh ugh#weve run the gamut of my few longstanding crushes til age 18#whats next? the one serious crush i had on that coworker a few summers back??#oh she was perfect. lovely in every way imaginable and such a dear friend that year
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