#im imagining platypus

[embarasseddragon234]

Perry: *signing* My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss, what should I do?

Monty: Punch him in the stomach, then when he doubles over in pain, kiss him.

Carl: Tackle him!

Peter: Dump him.

Doof: NO to ALL of those! Just ASK ME to LEAN DOWN!

[gt-lover]

do you have any Rui g/t headcanons?

oooo yes!! and since you didn't specify, i'll do tiny and giant :D

tiny!rui

~ definitely the craftiest tiny you'll ever meet. even if the tools and bolts and screws are bigger than his body, he's still making inventions to help him get around

~ he likes being tiny because it helps him hide a lot more. if he ever feels bad or made fun of, you won't see him for days. he's hiding in a little hole he made for himself

~ and since im mizurui besties agenda, imagine rui hiding himself in mizuki's hands when they were in middle school on the rooftop. it still happens sometimes to this day

~ being tiny also helps him with his performances! it's a lot easier to fly away on a drone away from security, plus he amazes much more as a child

~ part of him wants to annoy all of his friends by constantly jumping and climbing on them. the other part will feel bad about bothering them and settles for sitting in their pockets/on their shoulders

~ i genuinely think he'd lose it if he could climb on top of a platypus. he'd be SOOOOO happy just clambering around on it

giant!rui

~ also the craftiest giant you'll ever meet. his hands might be bigger than a house but he'll still find ways to fiddle with machines that are way smaller than him

~ he doesn't like being a giant sometimes because he can't really hide when people make fun of him. he has some far off clearing that only the closest people to him know about

~ more mizurui besties where rui would be the one to hold mizuki in his palms and help shield them both from the treatment of their peers

~ obviously gains way more attention for his performances as a giant though. imagine being security and you walk outside and there's this 50ft something giant doing a performance in the middle of Phoenix Wonderland

~ part of him wants to constantly dote on his friends, teasing them by scooping them up in his palms. the other part so badly doesn't want to scare them, and he's way more cautious on these days when handling them

~ he would gently hold as many platypi as possible. where did he get them? who knows. they are now all with him

[sharpedgedfool]

Thanks to last ask im imagining that perry the platypus Phineas and Ferb meme but it's "Oh Chuck the Hedgehog- wait-" sonic then covering his mustache with his hand "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!?!?"

I dont even know who'd the person talking would be but I thought to share this madness

Maybe he gets the tony hawk treatment and people just don't recognise him anymore jkhdfgfd

[willowthegraycat]

okay, so.. here are some characters.. im not gonna reveal who they are yet but feel free to guess lol

you can probably guess who these guys are easily though haha

i heavily considered not showing this guy until they appears in the story but like... thats probably gonna be a while and i want y'all to see them now

here's Toodles and Bob Block,

and this is Mr. Block... can you tell I was very tired while drawing the Blocks.. haha

anyways, enjoy some Cavendish! he used to dye his hair, which is totally a thing cats can do, he's from the future, don't worry about it

fluffy

this is savannah.. i like to imagine her jewelry is actually disguised secret agent tools, like the golden collar can turn into a space helmet or for breathing underwater, and those cuffs have like buttons that activate cool things

this is BRICK! i had to make him a platypus in a suit,

brick brick brick brick brick brick brick

its fun

@cantdanceflynn

and with that I've shown off all the characters i've designed !!!

of course, im not like... done yet lol, i can already think of a few characters i was meant to design and i didn't yet but like,, it's fine lol

Actually! the most important characters i've yet to design are just.. the human characters,, like Albert

but like im gonna do that later, this is pretty good victory for now,

hmmm what do i do next there's a few different options-

Oh! OH! YEAH I've never made a poll before sooo

hhHHhhmmMmmmMMmmm?!?! A PLATYPUS :??? OHHHhh PEERRRYYY the PLATYPUSss !!??? oh my goshh

theory: is the giant floating baby head Candace? they share hair and eye colors and when turning Candace back into a human in Fly on the Wall one of the animals she cycles through is the baby head, so I've always thought that was supposed to be her somehow,, anyone agree?

[herbirdglitter]

In the spirit of anti amatonormativity, here are a list of popular ships that I think would be better off as platonic but also I voice some very strong personal opinions and I understand if you have different ones. (don’t come for me I love you)

- Drarry (Harry Potter) in almost any way you look at it, that relationship is a toxic wasteland of twisted nothingness. Plus it’s a garbage franchise

- Yelena Belova and literally anyone. (Marvel) She’s aroace. It’s canon. what’s wrong with you.

- Shassie (Psych) You are imagining the sexual chemistry. Yes, Shawn is clearly bi but that doesn’t mean he and Lassie have any romantic or sexual chemistry at all whatsoever. Plus Woody is also canonically queer and right there so I don’t know what the hell you people are doing. (im mostly kidding about the woody bit but it’s not nearly as crazy as some of the other ships you hooligans come up with)

- Draco and Hermione. See Drarry explanation

- R2-D2 and C3PO. they are robots. as with all robot and monster characters, if you want to humanize them, having them fall in love is not the way to go. love is not what makes something human. 

- Dr. Doofenshmirtz  and Perry the Platypus. NO. ONE IS A HUMAN, THE OTHER IS A PLATYPUS. ENOUGH SAID. 

- Anakin and Obi-wan. You know when you (25m) raise a child from the age of nine and you’re pretty much it’s sole parental figure and then when it grows up you don’t think of it as an object of physical or romantic attraction? That’s good! There is no need to change that!! why would you make it insanely creepy

- Loki/Slyvie YOU HAVE THE SAME DNA. THE SAME PARENTS. I DON’T GET IT. THEIR SIBLING DYNAMIC WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT

-anything involving real people. You already know why. except obama and harry styles of course as long as it’s always treated like a joke because that one’s just funny

- Gonff/Martin. Gonff is in love with Colombine and he and Martin’s friendship is already perfect. Gonff is definitey bi though

- Wincest. I feel like this one speaks for itself. 

- anything involving clonecest. again, they are brothers. they have the same dna. it’s creepy. 

anyway

[khaleesiofalicante]

https://khaleesiofalicante.tumblr.com/post/685320957505748992/imagine-someone-writing-a-song-about-magnus ok for this annie, i imagine that rafael and max wrote this poem to him when they were little and like magnus treasures that piece of paper till now (im just making things up as i go dani none of us know what im doing)

so here goes:

magnus magnus magnus

he is bapak to us

magnus magnus magnus

he looks like a platypus (max wrote this and when rafael tries to strike it off he threw a HUGE fit)

magnus magnus magnus

he doesnt let daddy cuss

magnus magnus magnus

lets give him love from us

this is the most terrible thing ive ever read, but i havent written it rafael and max did, so... :D

[zombiecheri]

Kim Possible + Kim Seungmin = Kim Seungpossible

[cressjacquine]

Lessons I've learnt from the Crows

feelings are overrated, bottle that shit up 

your kid is disappointing? replace him

doors are for people with no imagination, burn a hole in the floor

murder is a six letter solution

if he’s not buying you a ship it aint worth it

sometimes you need to shut up and hug a goat

on the run for a whole city? eat a waffle, waffles will solve everything

holding hands is better than kissing

elaborate life ending plans are OK, do whatever you need to cope

want him to swoon? kiss the wrong guy

the key to all great heist, is not the team, or the plan, its the goat

if you don’t have a secret tunnel leading to their house are you really friends?

and my favourite

corpse make good floaties

just sharing wisdom

@neil-perry-the-platypus @im-someone-i-guess @rrruthless @safinssmontagov @adams-left-hand @saltyfortunes @bookavert @sturmh0nd @stay-because-now-you-have-a-home @alonlyfangirl @wolfnzy01 @iambecomeyourvillain

[kratt-au-void]

mirror 43

Warning: descriptions of animal torture

we start with the Kratt brothers. These guys went to work for an independent inventor who claimed to have innovative animal-based technology. buuuuut it goes deeper  👀 this inventor, Aviva, does have animal technology, but to investigate and acquire knowledge she is… invasive. 

She vivisects animals to see how they work. She skins animals alive to see how the muscles move, puts them in extreme environments to see their reactions (it's not "senseless torture" to her, because she does get the results she wants)

Her team is no better. Jimmy is a picky cook who wastes 80/90% of the animal and doesn't kill them quickly. You know how crabs have to be boiled alive? imagine that but with everything. Living breathing bunny tossed in boiled water. A poor dying chicken limping cuz he wanted a chicken leg and only a chicken leg.

Koki doesn't like to get her hands dirty, and find entertaining messing with conservation sites and creating misinformation, encouraging people to use faux fur and other stuff bad for the environment yes like the nonsense peta does kdshgsdkd

they look and keep a "good animal environmentalists" facade but in reality they couldn't care less about them. The Kratt bros, of course, get freaked out and runn away

but not empty handed 👀

they managed to steal the CPS and all the power discs they can

of course, Aviva notices and gets ANGRY

now the bros have to hide from a mad genius inventor

then Martin thinks “wait a second, we know someone who happends to be a  genius inventor” “Zach?” “Zach” and so they go with him

he receives them and after they tell him the whole story, Zach decides to help them. he turns off the gps on the suits and after seeing them work he is amazed and wants to learn how they work surely will help with his inventions

but what does Zach do? he creates prosthetics for animals. mmmm yes he is still using mental control sometimes but hey, its kinda working. His goal is to make prosthetics that can be controlled with the brain’s electric signals (theres a thing like this for humans, im guessing it can be harder to make for animals) Now when he sees how the bros acquire 100% useful tails or limbs, he wants to know how and use that is his research

that's basically it. The crew trying to get the suits back and the bros + Z escaping and learning from animals in the meantime- there will be a time when they'll have to hide and so Zach tells them about a friend he made in a convention

enter our goddess Donita Donata

They arrive with Donita and she lets them stay. They also explain the whole thing to her: the suits and the truth about the crew. This is what convinces DD the most to help because it turns out that K with her bullshit has ruined a few sales for her >:0

in this au DD is also a fashionista and is in favor of using 100% animal products why? because the alternative is plastic >:( no! bad! and of course because K is... peta xD she does some damage

she also introduces them to another friend

Gourmand himself

of course he's a chef yes, i know, what do you want from me? original content? the thing is… he still cooks exotic animals ‘WHAT???’ wait wait let me explain he cooks rare animals and sells them to the highest bidder, but donates that money to organizations for animal conservation :O

so it kinda balances out right? Taking money from people who wouldn't let it go otherwise and using it for good Yes maybe he cooked a platypus but donated enough money to replace it And make sure at least 50 more are born and protected 🤔

[geocookie21]

A Punny Death

This is my first fic! Please be kind! It’s not going to be long at all.

Warning: 2 very bad puns. And I ask for your forgiveness.

—————————————————————————————————————

The Doctor, Agent O, Graham, Ryan, Yaz and Y/N had all managed to get into Barton’s plane relatively safely. And by safely I mean running directly behind the plane and then preceding to jump onto it! Because that is something you clearly should do, according to the Doctor.

“Thanks for helping me up back there” O said as he turned to Y/N

“No problem! Im surprised I got on, I’m used to the running now but jumping into planes?” You giggled as you shared a look with O and he couldn’t help but return the action with a laugh.

“I’ve never been good at sprinting” O said continuing your conversation, despite the lack of oxygen in your lungs, he was faking it, but still.

“Forget sprinting, I don’t think I’m quite used to running at all yet”

O, yet to be revealed as the Master, had gotten quite close to Y/N in the short time of your acquaintance. While Graham may have been keeping a running commentary, Y/N was making jokes. Bad jokes. The worst jokes imaginable. A few puns that flew right over O’s head, he caught on that it was, in fact, a joke of sort when Graham groaned.

One that didn’t fly over his head, and he was ashamed that he didn’t pick up on it before he replied, was the classic

“Hey O! Wanna know how NASA plans their parties?”

“How?”

“They plan-et” you said with a grin practically splitting your face. An expression he connoted with you making a joke that you knew was awful. So he groaned.

Apparently this was the correct response as you started laughing harder than you already were. O merely rolled his eyes, trying to stay in character, yet laughed a little by instinct. They were not bad jokes, in fact he found them rather amusing, despite the awful quality.

The godawful jokes continued to be heard at random throughout their little adventure. O nearly lost it when you said “Where’s the platypus when you need him” as you were sneaking around Barton’s jet hanger.

Having gotten a little bored during his time in MI6 and having already took a liking to TV as one of his previous regenerations he decided to look into more modern day tv shows, finding Phineas and Ferb.

He was about to burst out in laughter when Graham scolded you. You pouted completely unaware of the entire groups shoulders shaking in an obvious attempt to hold in laughter, including Grahams. 

Currently, having just jumped onto a plane, the jokes have stopped, for a few minutes at least.

“What are we actually going to do?” Yaz huffed out. Seriously, ran after a plane and jumped onto it. Can you blame her for being out of breath?

“Sit tight and see where he’s going” the Doctor replied, out of breath but clearly not suffering as much as the humans were cause she’s lucky causes she’s a time lord and has done more ridiculous stuff than this.

“Amen” You exclaimed as you sat down in one of the rows of chairs...cause you know, running after a plane AND JUMPING ON IT

“What were you doing in the kitchen Y/N? The party was outside” Ryan asked you.

“Officially? Looking for anything not obvious” you replied holding your lungs

“And unofficially?” Graham asked, already dreading the answer. Everyone looked at you, waiting for, what was going to be, a horrible joke.

“Trying to steal his cutlery” you replied knowing the next line, the groans incoming.

“Y/N! Why would you do that?! What if you were caught?!” There it was, the approaching line. You knew Yaz would go all police woman on you, thus providing you the perfect opportunity...

“It was a whisk I was willing to take” you deadpanned. Slowing turning into the famous grin.

The groans from all present were worth it. You laughed for a good 5 minutes despite the pain in your lungs.

Everyone including O just smiled at you. Each thinking you were cute. Then the Doctor remembered something that O said a few minutes before...

“Never been good at sprinting?” She asked O, confused.

“I was the last one in every race at school”

“No no no, I read your file. Your a champion sprinter” She huffed out, unaware that she broke his disguise.

The air in the room (plane?) shifted. You could feel something was wrong even from where you were sitting.

You couldn’t see it but O’s innocent (attractive) face dropped. He knew his facade was no longer going to work he stood thinking for a second or two until..

“Got me” whispered words, yet louder than echos.

“Well done”

The words scaring you into sitting upright, despite the pain in your lungs. This wasn’t the O you had come to know.

“What’s going on,Doc?” Graham’s voice was barely heard as you kept you senses focused on ‘O’. More confused than afraid, afraid all the same, you started to stand when he suddenly whirled around and out his hand out towards you. His hand raised to nearly eye hight and palm facing you, as if he were a magician.

“Sit down, Love.” The spoken command sounded soft to your ears and mirrored his smile. O’s smile.

You did as you were told so he turned back to the Doctor. A small laugh, as if he’d done nothing more than a harmless prank, to her as he turned his head over his shoulders to address the others.

“Well you’d best take a look out the window”

The fam did exactly that, except for you. As you stood to look a firm hand wrapped around your waist, pulling you towards a tall warm body. Looking up towards their face and seeing the O that you had known, not the one nearly laughing maniacally a second ago, confused you. This person isn’t O. Whether there had ever been a real O, or whether you had met the real one was yet to be determined. But you felt that this man was the one you had gotten close too. But who was he?

“How is your house out there?” Graham’s voice broke your thoughts. Only to start about her round.

“What?!” You got as close to the window as you could, with ‘O’ still holding onto you. And Graham was right, his house was out there.

He let you go so you could look.

“A little bit wicked witch of the west” you almost laughed. You really did. Then you remembered the situation. Though O did see you smile unknowingly, he knew you were amused and if this was a different situation you would have laughed. He frowned for a second wishing that you had laughed, but he knew you were confused. Remembering that the Doctor would be equally as confused was what got him smiling again.

“But you get the gist! Maybe, maybe not”

He tuned around leaning lazily against the wall. (Hand on hip as if he didn’t know what that would do to the audience watching.)

“Come in Doctor, catch up”

“You can do it, come on” acting as if he was a tutor, helping a child.

The Doctors mouth dropped in realisation.

“Ooooh”

O looked happy at that response, maybe even excited.

“That’s my name, and that is why I chose it”

“Oh so satisfying” He smiled.

“It was a bad pun even for me” you whispered. You were too confused to even notice you spoke that out loud or that you were even smirking at the godawful pun that he made, and let’s be honest, you WOULD have made that pun.

He looked at you a smiled softly, a low laugh that he only kept going for you, even with his disguise dropped. He quickly switched his attention to the Doctor.

“Doctor I did say, look for the spymaster”

his voice started dropping lower. In time not volume. Almost as if he was becoming someone else.

“Or should I say, spy...”

“Master”

The Doctor looked horrified and he took a deep, staggered, breath.

“Hi” he smiled. His whole demeanour had changed. Even his eyes, they burned with a hated and target into the Doctor.

“You can’t be”

“Oh I can be and very much am”

“So what’s going on then, if he’s not really O” Ryan spoke up for us confused humans in the back. Literally, back of the plane.

“I’m her best enemy” He responded as he got closer to the Doctor, laughing at her face when he stood next to her.

“Call me Master”

He addressed the fam as he started speaking, but in his last word, his name, he kept his eyes locked to yours.

Words of confusion arose from the fam, the Doctor still yet to recover from the shock.

“Me and her, we go way way way back”

“I met O” The Doctor trying to figure the situation asked the Master.

“I know”

“Years ago”

“I know!” He replied to her, laughing all the while.

“But there was an O at MI6! C was talking about him” Ryan being calm enough to think the situation through. The Doctor wasn’t doing to great and honestly? Neither were you.

“Yes, a man very close to my heart”

“Well in my pocket, actually. Wanna see him? It’s always good to have a backup of ones work”

He held up a matchstick box. His eyes locked to yours again, the demonstration purely for your benefit. Not to frighten you, he knew you’d be curious as to what was going on.

“Tissue compression, it’s a classic”

You finally saw what was in the matchstick box.... it was the original O.

Your mouth dropped as you whimpered slightly at the sight. The Masters eyes softened for a moment, wondering if perhaps he shouldn’t have shown you. He focused on the others for a moment to get you out of his head and thoughts before continuing.

“Ambushed him! On his way to work for his first day, shrunk him, took his identity and set myself up in MI6”

He turned back to the fam and kept you in his sights to see your reaction. You were still shocked and afraid, so he did the only thing he could. The thing you bonded over. He tried to make a joke.

“Surprisingly good staff canteen”

If he wasn’t watching you, he wouldn’t have noticed the quick smile or the breath you took. Another time, that would have you giggling and he knew. But you weren’t as scared as you were a second ago, so it did it’s job. He smiled softly at you closed you mouth and took a breath to calm yourself.

He was going to through the small box to the side to spite the Doctor, but he didn’t want to scare you so he put it back in his pocket and faced the Doctor once more.

“I have had a lot of fun” he started clapping out of enjoyment as the Doctor ran for the cockpit. The Master turned back to the fam and grimaced before a tiny giggle left his mouth. You were about to speak when suddenly

“Where’s Barton?!” Now that got your attention

The Master turned back around as if he’d been caught stealing a cookie. He jumped around acting like he didn’t know where to go until he sat down in a plane seat a few rows in front of you as the others ran past him.

He turned to you, you still looked terrified before, hearing that the plane didn’t have a pilot didn’t help

“So how’s the inflight entertainment?” He smiled softly at you, not the cruel smile he’d been giving out. An encouraging one, perhaps concerned and kind.

“I don’t like the comedy show” you whispered. You were scared. Confused. Still had burning lungs. Worried about the Doctor and others. And on top of that making a joke with a, now know, murderer was not at the top of your priorities.

“Check the seat” he called out after controlling his laughter at your reaction. The fam panicked as he whispered just loud enough for you to hear.

“it’s going to be ok” he knew in his mind it wasn’t. You were going to die. You are a human, he has no need for humans no matter how much he enjoyed your company. You knew it too.

He smirked evily as he glanced at the cockpit.

“Cockpit bomb”

He glanced at you at your gasps of horror. Smoking as he continued.

“Short fuse. I can relate to that”

A knowing smile until he heard the sound of the sonic.

“No! Did you think I wouldn’t have thought of that?’ It’s sonic proof Doctor! Come on!”

“Dead lock sealed and I made sure, no parachutes on board”

You knew you were going to die. You wanted to get to your friends, your fam. But the Master blocked your way.

“There must be a way!”

You doubted it. You were frightened and wanted your friends. You made eye contact with Yaz and Ryan, both held their arms out for you, knowing you needed them. You pushed past the Master into their arms and whimpered a little. You tried to keep it quiet so the doctor couldn’t hear you. You didn’t want her to stress out more than she already was.

Yaz said something to the Master and he replied, but you couldn’t make it out. You were too busy being scared and keeping it quiet. You caught the end of their conversation as the Master said

“...even these guys” you saw the creatures you were investigating. And if you weren’t scared enough?

“I can’t do it! Get away!” The Doctor shouted. She shut and barricaded the door in a feeble attempt to keep the explosion away from you all. The bomb went off and she fell over.

All you could hear was screaming. The fams, the Masters, your own. Your grip on the seat that you had grabbed weakened and you fell. You never hit the ground. In the chaos you could just about notice you had been caught. It was the purple cost that gave their identity away.

“Tell me Y/N, are you mad at me?”

You held onto him, him being the only steady thing you could grab on to at the moment.

“I’ve been mad at you since the Wizard of Oz reference”

He laughed as he held you in his arms. He steadied you in a seat and left towards the Doctor and stood over her.

“One last thing, you should know in the seconds before you die. Everything that you think you know, is a lie”

He turned to face you again.

“Y/N! Do me a favour!”

“What?!”

“Don’t die!”

“That’s kinda the idea here! your not exactly helping!”

“Good little human! I’ll see you soon!”

“If I don’t die in a damn plane crash you twit!”

he laughed before he sobered, turning back to the Doctor

“Got you, finally”

And with that he vanished.

Now we just have to survive the plane crash...

I’m sure the Doc.. Annnnd she just got taken.

Just great.

[ad1thi]

@starklysteve me?? spamming you w recs because i love talking about my ships?? more likely than you think :)) (here’s some rhodeytony to get you started on what is objectively the best tony ship)

i place your hands around my neck:  @fanfictiongreenirises

"Rhodey could practically feel his lungs getting heavier again, weighed down by roots of plants that he’d thought would never take hold in him again."

Or: the one where Rhodey's been pining over Tony for much longer than either of them realised and develops the Hanahaki disease

Pretend We’re In Love (The Heartache Still Hurts): @marvelingjules

Rhodey's dad is dying, and what he's always wanted is for Rhodey to be happily married. Tony and Rhodey were best friends, and haven't spoken in years. But after a chance meeting at the airport, and a desperate, insane idea on Rhodey's part, they end up pretending to be engaged.

But how much of it is really pretend?

i can’t seem to get a grip, no matter how i live with it:  @psikeval

Tony knows he's got no business being a father.

A Million Shades of Blue: @notfknapplicable

“I just know that if I could get to wherever he is, I could find him. Dead or alive, I'd bring him back to us.”

James Rhodes will never stop searching for Tony Stark.

Twenty Five Years: @notfknapplicable (part of a series)

Nobody knows how long this has actually been going on. (Tony Stark has pretty much been in a monogamous relationship since he was 18 years old.)

Leave The Light On: @notfknapplicable (part of a series)

He was never doing this for fun. He'd just wanted to stay awake. And whatever you do, please don't tell that guy he's been fucking. He kinda likes him.

coloured in sun: @heleus

The one in which Anthony Edward Stark, having just reached the warm age of seventeen, realizes that he's in love with his best friend.

(The idea is terrifying.)

the planets that bend us: @deathsweetqueen

When Antonia Margaret Stark wakes up on her sixth birthday, it’s to the words: I didn’t get any sleep last night after that fucking lawn mower decided that 7 in the morning would be a perfect time for him to start his day, right outside my room.

She runs a thumb over the long string of words, wrapping around her wrist like a thick leather band.

She smiles.

She’s fourteen when she meets James Rupert Rhodes for the first time.

Written for the "more than a partner" square (S3) for the Tony Stark Bingo 2019 and the "soulmate" square for the Iron Husbands Bingo 2019

we rattle together in a bed of honey: @deathsweetqueen

Toni first met James Rhodes in Cellular Neurophysiology and Computing, when she was fourteen and trying very hard to stay in the shadows. She stumbles into the classroom, clutching her books and binders and pencil case close to her chest, as she stares at everything, wide-eyed and hungry and terrified. She seizes on the contempt, the confusion, the incredulity of the other freshman who look at her like she’s an incongruity – she’s used to that look, all that hate and derision.

She eats it up like chocolate cake.

Much to her luck, all the seats are filled, all except for one towards the middle of the row, a table shared only by a tall, handsome black boy, sleeping on top of the counter.

a winding road that stretches to the truth: @/coulddaughter (this author ostensibly has a tumblr but im unable to locate it -- so if anyone knows what their tumblr is please let me know so i can tag them!)

“Why do you need a date? Also, no offence, but why did you come to me? I stole, like, four of your girlfriends and at least two boyfriends, remember.”

“I do remember that, Tony,” said Jim, pinching the bridge of his nose. “No, I need you to come on a date with me.”

Love in the Eyes:  @child-of-sunshine

The moment each of the Avengers realized Tony and Rhodey were in love.

The Curious Case Of The Discarded Condom:  @/AssvengersArsemble

Natasha, Clint and Steve get just a little nosy about Tony's love life. Tony finds it extremely amusing they can't see what's right under their noses.

takes a lot of love and compliance: @gyzym

She's born breech, feet kicking out before the rest of her screams free; she's born breech, and never stops running. (Rule 63!Tony)

Targeted Persuasion: @galwednesday

Jim opened Tony's most formal closet and started pulling out tuxedos. "Put one of these on.”

"Why?"

"We're getting married."

Tony froze. "No, we're not."

"Oh yes we are." Jim tossed three tuxedos onto the bed. Three was a good number of options, enough for Tony to make a choice, but not so many that he'd get lost analyzing the ramifications of navy pinstripes vs. charcoal paisley. Tony did best with clear, specific expectations rather than an unlimited universe of possibilities that he would inevitably filter through his neuroses and obsess over, and Jim was really kicking himself for not considering that, oh, ten years ago when they’d first started this, but there was no point in beating himself up about it now when he could put that energy towards solving the problem instead. "You brought this on yourself, Tones. Pick a damn tux."

Five thousand roses: @/forestgreen

She is broken and all the more dangerous for it. The world should tread carefully around the shards of her former self lest they cut themselves on Antonia Stark's sharp edges.

A Guide to Handling the Unhandleable Tony Stark:  @/nightrider101 (this is ab a/b/o verse)

Written for the following prompt on the Avengers Kink meme: The rest of the Avengers assume Tony is an unbound Omega by the way he acts. He's reckless and carefree and does what he wants. Imagine their surprise when they find out that Rhodey is Tony's Alpha. They're all confused at the way Rhodey lets Tony act and how they can be away from each other for long periods of time and Rhodey's just like 'He didn't want to give up his career and I didn't want to give up mine. And I gave up trying to tell Tony what to do years ago.'

It’s Not Bacon Until It Ceases To Be Bacon: @sobebold

Tony has lived with his best friend Rhodey for fifteen years, and everything is perfect.

Until Rhodey finally gets a boyfriend, and Tony's world gets turned upside down.

by any name: @machi-kun

Tony calls him ‘mine’, sometimes.

And he also calls him platypus, honeybear, sugarplum, all those stupid nicknames; but James’ favorite will always be ‘mine’.

Tutor Me: @wisiaden

Tony really wants James Rhodes to be his math tutor. The guy was hot, and if he had to play dumb, well, he can say he hates math.

run and hide: @/starksrhodey

Tony may or may not have a crush on football captain James Rhodes.

Or, Tony is extremely insecure, Pepper knows best, Steve likes to bake, Bucky loves red heads, and Rhodey keeps trying to talk to Tony.

This Is The Real Life: @blancheludis

It takes doing the laundry for Tony to realize he is completely, irrevocably in love with Rhodey. Who knew that the way to Tony Stark's heart is to teach him how to wash his clothes.

Anything For You Darling: @areiton

Tony is sitting on the balcony of his palace in Malibu, and Rhodey hates it, more than he's ever hated anything, watching his best friend stare at the water, limmed by the sun and utterly alone.

"She's dead," Tony says, before Rhodey can ask and he feels his breath catch, his heart stumble.

There's--

Grief. For pretty, troubled Maya with her big eyes.

Heartbreak. For a sweet infant who will never know the mother who gave him up, whose life will never be exposed, now.

Relief. Because Harley is safe. Safe. Gods, he's safe.

or

Rhodey helps Tony raise his son.

it goes like this (just like heroin): @quandongcrumble

He’s twenty-six and you’re twenty-eight and you get a midnight phone call from Obadiah and between the two of you, you manage to beg and bully until you can fly back to the States and sit beside the white hospital bed while they say words like heroin and accidental overdose and that Tony should pull through but Tiberius might not wake up.

It goes like this—for almost sixteen years Tony’s addiction problems are a blight on Rhodey’s relationship with him. Friendships crack and trust is shattered, over and over again.

motor oil and coconut oil: @/halfasgoodasanything

James loves his best friend. He's entirely supportive of his friendship and his almost relationship with Steve Rogers. He is! He is. Carol and Pepper seem to think otherwise, but he's cool. Loving Tony doesn't mean no one else can. Even if he wanted to.

lost and found: @starkslovemail 

“Are you lost?”

Tony jumped at the voice cutting into his thoughts. Turning around, he saw another teen, maybe a year or two older than him, decked out in Team USA gear. He shook his head, flashing what he hoped was a disarming smile, “Nope.”

“Are you sure about that?” The athlete raised a disbelieving brow as he stared down at Tony. “You’ve been walking up and down this hallway for the past ten minutes, and the least embarrassing reason why is being lost.”

The blunt honesty startled a laugh out of Tony. He grinned cheekily, rocking back on his heels, “Guess I’m lost then.”

--

Written for the RhodeyTony Mini-Bang! Art can be seen on twitter here!

two boy geniuses walk into one frat house: @starkslovemail (part of a series)

There were too many white people at this damn party.

The Other 'Mr Stark': Iron Man’s Mysterious Paramour:  @presidentrhodes 

Clint leans over to Tony and whispers. “For the record, I know you’re lying. You’re describing the perfect man and he doesn’t exist. You might as well say you’re dating Superman because at least Christopher Reeve was a looker.“(Based on this prompt: Tony keeps telling the avengers how awesome his husband is but they don't believe he exists because it has been months and they still haven't met him yet and then finally, Rhodey comes home.)

[jefferoni-quotes]

Modern AU Jamilton. This is a weird one I imagine but Thomas is weird in general and I really would like to share it with you. Thomas is totally the one trying to spice things up in the bedroom with cosplays but nothing freaked out Alex more than the night he was told to wait on the bed and he heard Thomas from the hallway saying "aHh pErRy tHe PlAtYpUs!"

I WASN'T FUCKING EXPECTING THAT YOU GENUINELY MADE ME LAUGH HOLY FUCK I HAVE TO MAKE THIS- IM LAUGHING SO MUCH ABAIANABA

This ask went in 17 different directions and I expected nONE OF THEM

-

When Thomas had shoved him into their bedroom at around 10 pm and told him to "get himself ready," Alexander had thought nothing of it.

All he had done was what he was told, knowing exactly what that instruction meant. He couldn't deny the way his stomach tightened with excitement, especially since it was his boyfriend initiating for once.

He toed off his shoes and socks, leaving them by the side of the bed. He tossed his shirt across the room and started on his pants, tugging them down. He leapt onto the bed, excited and clad in only boxers.

He waited patiently, wondering what was taking Thomas so long. He was about to get up and see what was going on, until he heard it.

Was this some kind of a joke?!?

"Ah! Perry the Platypus!" 

Alexander grabbed his shoe and flung it as hard as he could across the room, hitting Thomas in the chest. 

The man huffed and looked over at him, "fuck you, Perry the Platypus!"

-

You're welcome.

170 words.

[whatevenismyaestheticidk]

Things I’ve heard high schoolers say pt 3

Person: it’s to early for me to be alive right now

Teacher: who invented math? Student: Lincoln.

Teacher: You feel as if you get low marks on this 5 paragraph essay you’ll end up poor and homeless and addicted to drugs. Student 1: Yes. Student 2: That’s exactly how it works. Student 3: I mean… you’re not wrong.

Student: It’s called panic and I do it well. I do it very well.

Student 1: I need to get glasses. Student 2: I need to get a will to live.

Student: Physics eats brains for lunch and sucks ass for dinner.

Student: Fuck you Perry the platypus!!

Student: he’s an Asian white supremisist. How does that even happen.

Teacher: After treating him like dirt for 7 years what is he to me? Student 1: Friends? Student 2: Lovers?

Teachers: We can’t have poor people running the place, that’s stupid.

Teachers: It was illegal to be alone because when you are alone you commit a sin.

Student: They play with your intestines? Like jumprope???

Student 1: you make me want to kill myself Student 2: Bitch please! I’ve been making myself want to kill myself for years.

Teacher: If you’re in my class don’t be acting the fool

Student: that’s it! You’ve lost your titty privileges

Student: I have the bladder of an octopus please let me go to the bathroom

Teacher: America broke up with Britain through text and by telling all of their friends but not actually telling Britain.

Student: my peripheral vision up is about as good as a fucking snail’s.

Student: I am allergic to myself.

Student: she brought my coconut juice. I’m going to cry.

Student: my name is Bitch.

Student: my elevator is literally a vsco girl

Student 1: what do you think? Student 2: I think I’m a fucking slut.

Student 1: I look like a lightbulb Student 2: A cute lightbulb. 10/10 would screw you (in)

Teacher: No one likes Axe, but its your friend.

Student: I am a flaming homosexual and that is why I want to dye my hair pink in honor of the women that I love so much

Student: oh my god it’s Michael fucking Jackson! *screams*

Student: Im 16 but not even very much 16.

Teacher: Theres a reason my cousin Neil trades three shifts of paramedic work so he doesn’t have to work on the night of the full moon.

Student: I know it sounds scary running from the police but it’s actually just leisurely walking away from them.

Student: I was washing my hands after lunch and this guy just started bleeding out next to me.

Student: I’m just saying, I would wear a full out prom dress to school and no one could stop me.

Student: I have the strength of a roasted peanut.

Student 1: Avacodo’s are thicc though. If there was a sexiest food event then avocado would win hands down. Student 2: what about peaches Student1: I would 100% fuck an avocado.

Student: chicken nuggets re the dad bod of the food world.

Student: in conclusion: gay.

Student: Hey Mr (Teacher) can you please elaborate on your outfit choice today?

Teacher: Dueling? You know the 10 paces fire? The thing that Hamilton is known for but he was a lot better at?

Teacher: Dreams are kinda wack Student: But this is another level of wack.

Student 1: Im just saying you could totally suck a dick by mistake. Student 2: How? Student 1: Like if you’re watching a movie and he’s holding a soda bottle between his legs and you want a sip but it’s dark you could totally accidentally suck a dick.

Student 1: hurry the fuck up Student 2: that is not how you treat people, you need to have some respect. You say PLEASE hurry the fuck up.

Student: You know, Stockholm syndromes. Like when someone is kidnapped and then catches feelings for their master, daddy kinks, that kinda shit.

Student: IF I were to eat Donalt Trump’s ass it would be so white I’d get retinal cancer just from looking at it.

Student: You were texting her which made us loose the quizlet live game! She is a whore!

Teacher: you’re a dirty old man, you read the script

Student: you’re my hwb. Homies with benefits.

Student 1: I’m a shell 2: I’m a crab. 3: what do crabs do to shells 2: I’m going to go live and eat inside you then eventually leave you for another

Student: Ayyyy!! We’re getting mono!!

Student: Stop catching feelings you dumb emotionally suicidal bitch!!!!

Teacher: *Student’s name* you need to find friends who love you.

Student: Is that a kneecap? *fake cough* Slut. *fake cough*

Teacher: Yah Buccanan was our first gay president. Student: But he was a Democrat! Teacher:… you DO know that people can be gay and a democrat.

Student: This whole book was just a giant KFC commercial.

Student: he other day I tried to zoom in on a book.

Student: every time I head an Indian person talk it’s like they’re raping me but in a good way.

Student: You canned corn of a human.

Student: you look like a broken piano

Student: There’s no room for Jesus! I don’t want to see him!

Student 1: Tiger sharks are the goats of the ocean. Student 2: Wrong. I’m the goat of the ocean.

Student: Florida is the Bermuda Triangle of stupid shit.

Student: Jesus has a plan for me, and I don’t think it’s in his textbook of an agenda.

Student: did you talk to her? Because I’m pretty sure blowing up a school is frowned upon.

Student: and that’s on period no tampon.

Student 1: what would your stripper name be? Student 2: Ruby. Teacher who over heard: Excuse me. Teacher here, stripper conversation over there. Please move the inappropriate conversation somewhere where I can’t hear it. Vanilla Pudding. (the thing about this one, was she was telling us that in the past, her stripper name was Vanilla Pudding)

Student: (Different student’s name), if I told you that I was possessed last night would you believe me?

Student: (Teacher) I was possessed last night, is there, like, biology to support that?

Student: Could I theoretically live forever if I drank infinite 5 hour energies.

Teacher: I have more glue sticks I just don’t put them out because the freshman eat them.

Student: drinking chocolate milk isn’t good for you it just like tragic.

Student: who do people even get stds, I can’t even get dms

Student: Tell me you’re kidding. Tell me you did not find my house by looking at snap maps. YOU HAVE MY ADDRESS!!!

Student: Hey you lived in Africa right? Does that mean you can say the n word?

Student: Someone threatened to open up my chest, piss in it, and close it back up.

Student: For how good I am at catching feelings, you’d think I’d be better at sports.

Student 1: I’m a Taurus. Student 2: I thought you were gay.

Student: So if I ate a tide pod then ate a t-shirt what would happen?

Student: Buddhism is just a series of vibe checks until eventually one works.

Student: why does bugs bunny have so much cleavage??

Student: Don’t underestimate snoopy you fucking heathen.

Teacher: So what you’re saying is when the okay boomer generation dies we won’t be racist anymore?

Student: Venus is in retrograde and that’s why Im not dealing with your bullshit.

Student: What is wrong with you. No sincerely. What made you think that eating a green banana is okay.

Teacher: You know Up? In the movie there’s this dog and when he’s talking then he’ll turn and say squirrel. That’s like me. I think I have adhd.

Student: you absolute tea drinking taxes liberal.

Student 1: if you see my cat run. She’s psycho. Student 2: Can I run her over with my tires?

Student 1: I will drive us through the gates of Shaw and into the water. Student 2: I hope we blow up underwater.

Student 1: Juxpositioning my rain boots with my lingerie. Student 2: those rhyme. Wait no they don’t!

Student: when he says he has a tenor recorder, but really we all know he only has a soprano recorder.

Student 1: you’re shoelaces are untied Student 2: I know. I hope I trip on it and die. Student 3:I felt that

Student: Every time I see a 9/11 ad I always pretend to have a panic attack.

Students chanting: Eat the rich. Eat the rich. Student 2: Rich, more like Bitch.

Student 1: UWU I’m going to lock you in my gas chamber Student 2: Primes flame thrower UWU

Student: I’m not Like other girls. I die on command

Studrnt1: Turkey bitch Student 2: she just called you a turkey bitch Student 1: yes you specifically are a Turkey bitch

Student: I will eat a bitches dick. Gobble gobble motherfucker.

Student 1: he opens my snaps in 10 seconds Student 2: that’s love

Student 1: My for you page is almost exclusively gays, theatre, and Percy Jackson at this point. Student 2: Those are all the same thing basically.

Student: I would have kicked so much ass freshman year if I wasn’t depressed.

Student: Navy blue is the white kid who thinks he can say the n word of the color world. He thinks that he’s black.

Student: Your nose hairs look fragrant. Would you mind if I took a taste?

Student: Boxed water tastes like what I imagine trader joes to taste like as a water.

Student: The water from Moana would be a gentle lover.

Student: we feast tonight brother. I found this in the trash can.

Student: Okay, but I cry myself to sleep BETTER than you.

Student: Can you Venmo me some titties please?

Girl holding hands with another girl: It’s a good thing we’re dating otherwise this’d be pretty gay.

Student 1: I just wanted to know if you knew Lincoln personally. Teacher: What? Student 2: We think you’re a time traveler.

Student 1: Sweetie, you’re having a breakdown over rocks. Student 2: I really hate that class!!!

Student: I love being the joker when we play chess

Student: are you saying that you finger fuck your eurethra?

Student 1: Honestly sometimes I just go onto that lofi hip hop radio, beats to relax/study to thing and just get into a fight with someone in the comment section. It’s fantastic. Student 2: Sometimes they do give good advice though, once I asked if I should ask out this guy and they responded with “No, guys ain’t shit” and I was like “aight you right, you right” Student 3: Sometimes it gets weird though, like once I went on and everyone was talking about how sex and money have become the new gods of our time, and how someday a future generation will die without ever seeing the light of the sun. Student 1: Okay but are they wrong though?

Student: It doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl or something in between or something else entirely. A bitch is a bitch, and you sir, are a bitch.

Student 1: so last night I killed and area few of your kids, I hope you don’t mind. Student 2: nah I don’t really care.

Student: what size pussy your phone got?

Student 1: I listen to songs about Greek gods and being polyamorous Student 2: I listen to songs about... smashing.

Student: Motzarella cheese is the pastel pink of the cheese world.

Student: Someone who can bench press 200 has nothing on someone that can just double fist eat Costco sized pound blocks of cheddar cheese.

Student: I will drag you down to hell and make the devil give you therapy so help me. Student: You see, we don’t conjugate words in English, much less math.

Students: well the thing about gamers is, you know they’re good with their hands.

Student: Oka first of all, we’re all on the same planet, so that’s already real small. Then, what are the chances that we were born the same species, like I could have been born a platypus. I could have been a mealworm. Then the chances that we’re in the same country then the same state then the same school like damn. Imma just vibe now.

Student 1: You’re built like a baked bean Student 2: IDK why that hurt me so much but it did.

Student: If I don’t get a hug in the next 10 minus, I’m going directly to the pentagon to tell Trump to suck my dick.

[irradiatedsnakes]

I love the no mammals allowed rule but I am absolutely HORRID at drawing bird furries so.. don’t expect somethin good skdjfh! Also, maybe some mammals allowed but only ones that r rarely/hardly ever seen in the fandom... like.. coatimundi or platypus or pangolin!! Who else would u see being some kind of reptile? I was kinda imagining Jared Keys being like.. a frilled lizard or maybe the cool dragon scaled fire skinks

im sure itll turn out fine! and hey even if it doesnt no way to move but Up

there are definitely underutilized mammals! platypus furries..now there’s an idea.

i actually drew furry gerard! here he is. i made him a chicken. but oh man both of those are super good choices too!! im especially into frilled lizard.

as for other reptilesssss..oh, i havent posted melanie yet- i made her a copperhead! i also wanna do some nonavian dinosaurs- i’m thinking maybe ankylosaurus (or relative like borealopelta) gertrude, and gallimimus mike crew. someone also suggested komodo dragon daisy. and a bunch more birds too but i need to nail some of those down first (some sort of owl 4 basira? barred maybe...)

[pwnyta]

Watched someone objectively rank all the Phineas and Ferb songs and it made me grateful that show didn’t come out in the past 3 years. Can you imagine? Discourse over platypus shipping. Everything about ferb and Vanessa. My god.

Never watched i dont know anything about the show..

PLATYPUS SHIPPING.... what the fuck does that mean lmfao

Well anyways im sure itd be the worst as all shipping discourse tends to be.

[nerrison-is-my-oxygen]

an essay on nerrison

an essay

i absolutely love this ship to death if i had one wish granted it would be to make this canon i love them both they are perfect for each other i swear i will write fanfiction for this one day or draw fanart or something because i need to contribute but im not confident enough yet the ship is so pure it will forever sail in my heart and its canon in my mind and its my otp imagine all the cute fluffy scenarios they could get into harrison probably treats her like a goddess or a queen or something idk but just pure perfect ship ok 

seriously though the reason i started to ship this (from what i remember cause i have an awful memory) was because of all the interactions they had. the sleepy peak peak episode was cute, even though they never had direct ‘nerrison’. but cmon they literally decided to stop fighting so they can save nikki what a power couple. 

also don’t get me started on the lake lilac summer social episode. when the first dancing thingy came on you can see them in the top right corner and they look at each other for a second then theyre like ‘nope’ to which later on you can see them standing on opposite sides of the room with nerris looking salty and harrison being one sad boi. later on in the episode the second dance comes on (the slow dance) and nerris looks at harrison but he’s already walking off. rip

in that one episode where the kids all go off to their own camps (i forget the name of it) and where max tries to get them all back he gets harrison first and nerris second and she had so many seat options on the bus but no next to harrison she goes. and harrison even scoots over so she can sit. yes

in that same episode someone asks ‘weren’t you kids happy in your own camps’ nerris and harrison look at each other with sad/worried expressions on their face which im pretty sure means ‘no i missed you’ and that scene was great.

another episode that i forget the name of they look at each other happily but then they realize ‘wait we’re supposed to hate each other’ and then they look kinda sad after that.

in another episode harrison is doin some magic tricks n all that and nerris is watching but then she turns around and he looks sad.

also. the one where the platypus lays eggs. i know harrison accidentally kills it but they got paired together cmon

if i remember correctly in a season 3 promotional poster they are seen together with nerris having this smug af look on her face while harrison is looking at her and frowning.

at one point in.... season 3 i think? they’re shooting each other with water guns while smiling

overall i think it’s a really good ship with a lot of chemistry and could 100% work. its a cuteness overload and we need more of it and they are soulmates so 

KEEP YOUR HOPES HIGH FOR MORE NERRISON IN SEASON 4