#im just putting in my thoughts this is not my place to moderate this discussion

[vyeoh]

Yeah Scott handled the criticism very poorly and I’m actually pretty happy we’re starting to talk about it. It’s ok to disagree with the post, but it should’ve at m o s t been a reblog on tumblr.

I also think it’s extremely strange he announced he was unfollowing in the post. Like… nobody cares sir, just unfollow, block, and go

^^^^

[dai-bendu-conlang]

Jesara! Uera'ah foh a'ain nevi sedoremak vrhu nak kewanan uu Dai Bendu. ¿A'ainah keel nev det zera? [tried] foh: Tumi eno'ah sooan, ji tumi eno'ah kai'an; tumi eno'ah imleoan, ji tumi eno'ah wanan (leoan?); tumi eno'ah (passion), ji tumi eno'ah (serenity); tumi eno'ah (chaos), ji tumi eno'ah aimato; tumi eno'ah keraian, ji tumi eno'ah Dai. [aiming for: Hello! I would like to translate the Jedi Code Mantra into Dai Bendu. How would you say this? I tried:] Qasreash!

i tried to translate some of the classic meditation mantra into dai bendu (the one everyone calls the code). there were some limitations in vocab, so i just went with the last part. i ended up translating it as "xai eno'ah imkerai'anak mellu, eno'ah dai", my attempt at "where (because of the force) there is no death, is the force." i didn't quite know where to put "mellu" though tbh

Have you done the Jedi mantra in Dai Bendu? Specifically the version which goes "Emotion, yet peace/Ignorance, yet knowledge" etc?

Hello! Sorry for the late reply, Tevya, we already discussed this on the server, but here for the public:

There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force.

Im tumi tamah soo’yth, ji xai enoah kai’an. Im tumi tamah delahm, ji xai enoah leo’yth. Im tumi tamah bexlyth, ji xai enoah maijah. Im tumi tamah chiiuth, ji xai enoah aimato. Im tumi tamah kerai’yth, ji xai enoah Dai.

Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force.

Soo’yth, kyii kai’an. Delahm, kyii leo’yth. Bexlyth, kyii maijah. Chiiuth, kyii aimato. Kerai’yth, kyii Dai.

Life would be easier if we could just leave the code here, but unfortunately this is something the fandom fights and dissects over and over again. Therefore, we will elaborate a little on our word choices here and our interpretation of the code. First things first, we say this openly: This is, of course, yet another interpretation of the code. This is colored by our view on the Jedi and what we assume this code is supposed to mean and serve as. We don’t claim this is The Meaning Of The Code, but the way we understand it in English and then attempt to give it nuance in Dai Bendu. You are, of course, welcome to disregard this or make your own translation of it!

That being said, let’s get started with the purpose of the code. First, something about i’s history. Research done by the wonderful @ilummoss in this post.

What is now commonly called the “Jedi Code” originates from a 1987 roleplaying rulebook (Star Wars: The Roleplaying Game)

The second “yet” version shows up in Kanan: First Blood

This “code” is a mantra and not a code of conduct/law

Now let’s turn to the purpose of the Code/Mantra! The Jedi Code is one of the first things the younglings learn in the temple, which we assume means that you kind of learn it at the age you also end up learning nursery rhymes. You can see them chant it, repeat it. The purpose of mantras is to help focus/calm your mind. So, what conclusion can we draw from this? This Code is likely supposed to help the children focus on their connection to the Force so it must be an instrument to teach them how to interact with it.

From this, we draw our first conclusion: The second half of each line (peace, knowledge, serenity, harmony) is about the Force. The Force is all of these attributed.

Our second conclusion, derived from this, is that the first half of each line (emotion, ignorance, passion, chaos, death) are the things you bring with you into the Force. In moderation, all of these things are good. Being happy, knowing which knowledge is good for you, being passionate about something you love, knowing life can be a bit chaotic, and death, which is a part of life.

However, when you don’t keep those in check, they overwhelm you, twist and become negative. Contrasting Obi-Wan, who does feel emotion, deeply, and yet doesn’t get overwhelmed, while Anakin does and it ruins him, shows this very neatly. So these aspects can all be wonderful, but you have to be careful not to drag them with you into the Force or use them to access the Force in such a way.

Now, let’s get started on our translation. Let’s start easy with the nouns and do it line by line:

There is no emotion, there is peace. - Im tumi tamah soo’yth, ji xai enoah kai’an

soo’yth, nominalization of the verb soo, which means “to feel” in an emotional sense. kai’an, meaning “inner peace” As in being at peace with yourself e.g. basically the state required for Force Ghosting.

This line is pretty similar to its English equivalent. We wanted to emphasize that peace is not a state of being that’s everywhere or political, but it’s something inside you. The quiet in the eye of the storm.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. - Im tumi tamah delahm, ji xai enoah leo’yth

delahm is an interesting noun as it refers to “ignorance” as well as “the inability to help”. We wondered what kind of background a term such as ignorance has especially in the context of the Jedi valuing knowledge and learning a lot. As such we defined that “ignorance” would correspond more closely to the inability to help. As long as you know something, or aware of where you stand, you are not helpless. leo’yth is the nominalization of the verb leo meaning “to know” and so “knowledge”.

With this line, we really wanted to dig into this idea of knowledge is not just factual knowledge, but also wisdom. And if you act without wisdom, ignorant, perhaps even purposefully so, this is not something to favor. Of course nobody is expected to know everything, but you are supposed to remember, to know, that you can always ask others for help.

There is no passion, there is serenity. - Im tumi tamah bexlyth, ji xai enoah maijah

bexlyth is the nominalization of the verb bexl, which refers to covet/attached love and as the noun leans more into the concept of “passion” and “obsession”. maijah, on the other hand, translates as “serenity, calm, tranquillity”.

Our intention here was to elaborate on the huge dimension behind passion. Passion in and of itself is nothing bad, but it can be if it is done out of obsession. When considering that this mantra is used to interact with the Force, it might also demand that you leave every other thought behind and focus only on the Force.

There is no chaos, there is harmony. - Im tumi tamah chiiuth, ji xai enoah aimato

chiiuth means “chaos, destruction, unrest” where aimato is “harmony” and “cosmic balance”. Cosmic balance is here the state which we assume the Jedi want to achieve in the entire galaxy. When canon speaks of “there needs to be balance”, this is it.

Here we have chaos as everything that disrupts the harmony. Of course there is something such as good chaos, it would be quite boring if every day were the same, stagnant, but in this case we decide that chaos and destruction does not exist negatively in the Force. There are plants that require forest fires before they can sprout - the natural circle of life includes chaos and destruction, but only ever in a way that plays in harmony with its other parts, rebirth and healing.

There is no death, there is the Force - Im tumi tamah kerai’yth, ji xai enoah Dai

kerai’yth is the nominalization of the verb kerai, which means “to die”. This line is pretty much the same as the original version.

Now that we’ve got all the vocabulary done, let’s talk a bit about grammar. We’ll start with the first part of each sentence Im tumi tamah.

tamah is the present tense form of the temporary form of “to be”. We chose to use this instead of “enoah” to show that these states of being are temporary and not, like the Force and its attributes, eternal.

A little opposed to this is our choice of the consequential marker tumi. tumi marks a state of somethat that is currently happening and will continue to happen in the future. This is used mostly for statements of being. As you can see, this is in contrast to our choice of tamah, but the reason for that is hidden in our negation particle im.

Im, in this case, negates the whole expression. tumi tamah gives the speaker the understanding that something temporary is the current state of being, when negating this entire sentence, we get the translation that this temporary experience is not your new and eternal state of being.

Which brings us to the differences in syntax and overall translation. In the structure of the original Basic sentence, the negation only has scope over the noun. In There is no chaos, the “no” negates only “chaos”. The literal translation of the Dai Bendu version would be more along the lines of “Not is there any state of chaos”, which, of course, is a lot more wordy.

Now, on the flip side, we have there is. In Dai Bendu, we have ji xai enoah. ji means “but”. We inserted this preposition here to highlight the contrast and negation. The first half of each statement says what there is not, but that doesn’t mean you are lost because in the Force, you will find the other.

enoah is our eternal/permanent form of “to be”. The Force is eternal, it will forever be all these attributes the Jedi give to it. xai is our Force-influenced marker. It represents that an action took place because the Force destined it to be, it is “Force-willed” if you want. This makes the entire sentence a bit self-referential and implies that this state is eternal because the Force is and because the Force wants it to be. The Jedi believe singularly in the Light side of the Force and see the Dark as a corruption and poisoning of it. Therefore, the Force strives for peace, knowledge, serenity, harmony as much as it embodies it.

Now that we have discussed both statements, we can put together a full literal translation:

There is no emotion, there is peace turns into Not is there a state of emotion, but the Force wills there to be peace within itself. 

And that is, all in all, a pretty sweet mantra to hold onto.

Now! For some explanation on the shortened version. We know that both versions existed during the prequels at the same time, which suggests two things: either they were both passed on independently/complementary, or they are identical in meaning.

Emotion, yet peace - Soo’yth, kyii kai’an

The word “yet” is very interesting because its meaning is inherently “despite that/but/even though”, which means that this shortened form of the mantra can actually be read identically to the long one. By striking the negation out of the sentence, you need a preposition with that inherent negative meaning, which is something “yet” is capable of!

So in our reading of this shortened mantra, it’s identical to the long one, but given how many syllables the long one has, it’s no wonder they have the Initiates recite the short one. So there is no secret “oh no, the Jedi don’t acknowledge emotions so we need this updated better version of the code!” hidden away here.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Email sabbaticals

It's been a decade since danah boy introduced me to the idea of "email sabbaticals." That's when you go away and turn off your email.

http://www.zephoria.org/thoughts/archives/2010/12/08/i-am-offline-on-email-sabbatical-from-december-9-january-12.html

Not just setting an out-of-office message, but rather deleting all inbound mail and asking correspondents to try again after the break. In her message, boyd explains to those correspondents who know how to reach her mother that this is the only way to reach her.

Here's the rationale: if you allow email to pile up while you're trying to unwind, it'll take months to catch up on when you get back, and you'll immediately burn out, incinerating all the value you got out of your break.

What's more, you'll still fail to clear the backlog - you'll have to declare "email bankruptcy" and fail everyone who'd contacted you anyway. It's a bad deal for you AND for the people who email you during your break.

Here's how boyd's email sabbaticals work: six months prior, she informs her collaborators that she'll be taking some protracted downtime; a month before she confirms her commitments to collaborators and composes a checklist to ensure that she meets them prior to departure.

A week in advance, she warns everyone again that she's going offline and shuttering her inboxes. Close family members and her network administrator are given instructions for reaching her while on break, but no one else is.

She leaves, and shuts down her email. She knows she's going to miss new, time-sensitive stuff, but makes peace with it. In return, she gets the peace of mind that comes from knowing that she's going to come home to an empty in-box.

At the close of business today, I'm going on email (and work) sabbatical until Jan 4, 2021. Apart from one live event (the remote Chaos Communications Congress on Dec 27) I won't be accepting emails and I won't be replying to DMs or other messages.

https://rc3.world/

I really, really need it.

Over the years, many people have expressed their admiration at my "productivity" - but the dirty secret of that productivity is that work is how I cope with stress.

It's not the worst problem to have: I wrote a whole novel since the crisis, while also launching four books and keeping up with my day-job at EFF.

But working to cope with stress has its limits. It's a good temporary fix, but it's no long-term solution.

For one thing, I've got a serious, untreatable, degenerating chronic pain condition, and working is how I hope with the pain, too - distraction works far better than any prescription meds for me.

But ignoring your body's pain signals is a dangerous tactic. It's why I'm now experiencing the worst continuous pain of my adult life (it's been a stressful year). Last week it was so bad I was walking with a cane.

I say all of this not to humblebrag about my commitment to my work, but rather in the interests of transparency. I'm keenly aware that we live our own blooper reels and everyone else's highlight reels.

I'm grateful for my work habits, truly - but they come at a really high cost, and balancing work-as-distraction and work-as-pathology is really, really hard. If you're wondering how to do what I do, have a little peek into the blooper reel, first.

It's been a high-stress, crazy year. We nearly went broke, then had a spectacular recovery (thank you, Kickstarter backers!), have tried our best to be good parents (with varying degrees of success). We've gone through blazing rows and many sleepless nights.

I've spent most of the year with sores at the corners of my mouth, which I only get under in the most extreme times of stress.

And we've had it GOOD. We're solvent, safe, and healthy. Thinking about what this would be like if any of those changed is terrifying.

Hanging out with my digital community is a huge net benefit to me, but unplugging from that community is something I increasingly value as I head towards my 50th birthday next July.

My first digital community experience was sending IMs to other users of the timeshare mainframe we plugged into when I was six years old, in 1977, when my dad brought home an acoustic coupler and my mom found 1,000' of brown paper towel to feed into the teletype.

Some (most) of my life's most important relationships, friendships, and discussions have taken place over this medium, and an enormous amount of that good stuff started with a conversation with a stranger.

I never felt the outrage that attended the introduction of the telephone into Edwardian England: "Anyone -- any wild fool off the street -- could simply barge bellowing into one's office or home, preceded only by the ringing of a telephone bell."

https://www.mit.edu/hacker/part1.html

For me, finding my people (and being found by them) has been the highlight of my half-century. Touring and speaking turned these digital relationships into personal ones.

But: moderation in all things. I'm writing four of these threads this morning, doing a couple interviews and meetings, and then putting my lid down until 2021 (save for a brief dial-in to CCC on the 27th).

I'm going to swim in our lovely outdoor public pool, which, thankfully, has figured out how to remain open during the pandemic. I'm going read in the backyard hammock and hike in Griffith Park.

I'm not going to answer - or accept - email while I'm gone.

And I say all of this because it's taken a decade for me to really understand what danah was getting at (she's a very smart person and I often benefit from reflecting on our conversations).

And also, to show you a bit of the blooper reel. Coping strategies are great and necessary, but they're no substitute for addressing the underlying problems. I'm proud of the work I do, but I'm also still learning how to do it right.

Image: Alex Watson: https://www.flickr.com/photos/sifter/440685338/

CC BY-NC 2.0: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

Hi, I might be off base but I really like your fics and you give straight up answers to people, so I would like your take: What is the role of mediocre non-rarepair/non-Z.utara writers in ATLA fandom? (Not saying you are! I am, and I would like some clarity). I write sukka, kataang, and sometimes maiko. None of my stories really have impact. People read them i guess because they're there. I don't get on rec list. People don't do art of my stories. People don't beg me to update. (1/3)

firstly, im glad you like my fics! 💛

and now into the more serious parts of your ask.

my thoughts on the role of non-z.utara/non-rarepair writers (or pro-canon writers i guess we might call them?) are pretty simple: they are of the utmost importance. the richness of fandom is most apparent in its diversity, when you have a million different types of fics and authors and so much more that people can jump into and out of whatever, whenever they want. fandom needs all of its writers, regardless of what pairing (or lack thereof!) they're writing about. the atla fandom would be nowhere without it's canon and fanon lovers, plain and simple.

i understand your frustration. i have been on a rec list once for an mcu fic and nothing more. i've had fanart for one of my fics - one of my least popular ones, ironically - and i've only had one or two (but very lovely!) anons asking me about my wips (without me having sparked the discussion myself). it can absolutely be frustrating when you put your heart and soul into your work and sometimes it just doesn't get as much notice. your feelings are completely valid, and i think it's good you're addressing them (for me, personally, it is near-impossible to write when im holding a lot of frustration close to my chest; this may or may not be true for you, too, but either way it's always good to process emotions). sometimes you just gotta keep your chin up. simple, yes, but much easier said than done. and yet we persevere. i promise you, people don't just read your fics solely because they're there. people read them because they are interested in the stories you have to tell.

that person was definitely... callous. now, i don't think they would read your fic just because of a regular updating schedule (i've opened some fics that update regularly and realize it's not my cup of tea, so i leave and definitely don't go back even if they are updating weekly). the fact that they are coming back every week is a sign they're enjoying what you're putting out there! again, i think they did a pretty piss-poor job of wording it and your reaction is completely understandable (and i do not at all fault you for it), but i really do think the fact that they're continuing to read your fic is a good sign. they can claim it's your update schedule, but they must have a deeper emotional investment to your fic to keep coming back.

also, having a regular updating schedule is incredible. i know i sure as hell don't have one (except with one fic and that's bc it's already written lmao). so you should be proud of that, anon!

yes, i know, fandom tastes can be frustrating. it's true that beggars can't be choosers a lot of the time when it comes to rarepairs, and the absurd amount of attention that... well, basic z.utara fics often get compared to painstakingly researched moderately-popular pairings/relationships also drives me up the wall ("make out over a ham sandwich" is a hilarious example, btw, thank you for sharing it). sometimes you just gotta take a step back and think - hey. i cannot control fandom tastes. i cannot control what fandom likes and dislikes. all i can do is produce content i enjoy, and there are people like me who will eventually find my content and enjoy it, too.

anon, you're not a placeholder. and even if you were, aren't we all? aren't we all digging our own niche, holding our own place in a massive fandom? some people get luckier than others. that's how it works. people get lucky because they ship a juggernaut ship and they write a popular trope and boom - the fic may be a phenomenal piece of work or it may not be - 10k hits, 3000 kudos, 200 comments. it's luck! it really is.

my main advice is this: fanfiction is for you. it's for you to share. for you to connect with. for you to give to people who enjoy the same dynamics as you do. it should be fun! this isn't to say it won't get frustrating, especially because human instinct is to compare ourselves to others, but at the end of the day you should be writing fic (primarily) because you love doing it. and i promise you, anon, they are people who adore your fics and sit on the edge of their seat waiting for you to update. i promise. there are. i got a comment on chapter 20-something of one of my fics where they said they'd been reading since the beginning and absolutely loved my story but had been too nervous to comment. i have no doubt you have readers like that, too. and find your people, anon! i've enjoyed atla from the beginning, but recently i've made so many new friends who enjoy the same things i do (e.g. certain canon pairings) and we're able to gush over it with each other even when our comment sections are a little lackluster. fandom becomes much more enjoyable once you have a few people to freak out with.

in a more general sense, it's always okay to take a break from fic and writing if you need it, and im pretty sure you can turn off viewing story kudos and stuff on ao3 as well if you need a visual disconnect from that side of fandom.

i wish i had more advice or a perfect solution, but all i can tell you is to keep going. your work matters - it matters to you, it matters to your readers, and it matters to fandom as a whole. we are all wooden jenga blocks in a very, very precarious pile, and if even one person leaves, fandom collapses. we need every author, every artist, every consumer. and that includes you, anon. i hope that whatever you do, you continue to create in the manner that best fits you 💛

[ts-2020-olympics]

Episode 17 -  “Bamboozle Me Faster So I Can Go To Sleep” - Sarah (FINALE)

Okay so Caeleb went out last round by a 4-3 vote against Sarah, in which, was surprised Sarah got that many votes, as I had thought Stoner was getting the votes over Sarah from the other side.  End of the day though, didn't really affect much, as target still went to jury, although was by far the toughest vote yet that I have had to make, as I really do personally like Caeleb, he was just too big a threat to be keeping around.   Now, I made the final 6, got a jigsaw immunity to try to win, or at least, one of myself, Stoner, Sarah or Tommy win this immunity, to keep the power on our side.  Then, my ideal this round would actually be Eve going over Kevin, but, I have a feeling my side will probably want to rather target Kevin.  So, will see what occurs, and go from there.   If anything, might even do a vote split if one of us 4 win immunity, but time will tell.   Anyways, it's surreal to believe that this game is almost over, and hoping to make final 5!

well........ y'all its a sad day, caeleb went home last night, 4-3 myself and eve in the minority with him, and its not looking too good for us. BUT WAIT RIGHT THERE.... i wake up and look in my bag and my CINNAMON APPLE CAELEB GAVE ME THE LEGACY ADVANTAGE !!!!! this acts as an idol at the final 6 which means I'm not going home !!!!! This is an incredible feeling but it still only gets me to the final 5, I have to play out from there until the end. I'm in a tricky situation with eve who I trust, but with this immunity being a puzzle i think if i really tried i could have a good shot at winning but do i risk winning 2 immunities in a row and THEN on top of that playing an advantage?? my threat level would increase SO MUCH, but it might be what i need, i dont see myself in the position to make any big flashy strategic moves in this end game, meaning i have to make a statement some other way to the jury. But do I risk losing the last 2 immunities?? It's an incredibly tough call that I have to make before i would like because i work through the challenge deadline and the first 2 hours of tribal, so i really need to get my shit together soon. I'm a lot of things but a quitter is not ones, im not in an ideal position but at least im in any position, better this than ponderosa. I just have to make the best move WHATEVER that is, and hope that it pays off in the longrun. Do i pitch a final 3 to tommy?? Would he take me to the end? Do i try and rekindle with sarah/stoner or do I bank on my relationship with darcy is enough to keep me in? So many factors, so little time, so many possibilities. Survivor gods please be on my side. Please. 

Eve I love you and you're great, but you pushed way too hard to know what my vote was, then tried to vote me out. Even if I'm a goat, I'm not THAT stupid 👀 Also. Even if I don't get individual immunity, I fuckin LOVE PUZZLES 

I can't believe I made it to the finale after this crazy season but it's no time to slow down I'm in the Final 6 and I need to keep playing hard because now I can be in a vulnerable position after flipping last tribal. I just need to make sure I don't go home tonight, or Darcy, or Stoner. Right now I think I can potentially win if I get to the end with the people I'm planning to so I just need to keep trying my hardest to stay afloat in this game, keep moving towards the goal and doing my best. Hopefully I end up on top! :) 

CHRIS IS VOTED OUT

Final 5 and I feel like I already lost the game, but as long as they keep me I'm going to keep fighting until the end and try to win at final tribal council if I''m able to survive. I think if I can survive tonight's Final 5 tribal I have a really good shot at making it to Final 3 so it's all about making it to Final 3 at this point because I need to be there to have a shot at winning. 

BAMBOOZLE ME FASTER SO I CAN GO TO SLEEP. But hey last tribal was spicy as hell idk how I keep being so stupid STONER YOU FOOL. I'm voting Darcy because I'm salty about being lied to, if I get voted out this round I'm ok with it because I made it this far anyways and I think I played an honest ass game. I'd rather go down with some dignity and no sense of moral turmoil and guilt (cough cough stoner) than go lying through my teeth to people I kinda like talking to. Also I watched tribal at 2am and never went to sleep again and am moderately delirious so catch me on no beauty sleep tonight only <3 

IM IN THE FINAL 5 BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY I WON IMMUNITY AND IM IN THE FINAL 4, BY 1 FREAKING POINT!!!! god bless...... i didnt confess last round so lets jump back... actually i might've but not after that TRIBAL. So basically i won immunity and had the legacy advantage which meant me and eve were in the final 5, but not everyone knew that, when i did my talking it seemed as though the consensus was DARCY... or so i thought, but either way I didnt want darcy out which meant I had to do something, despite eve wanting darcy too with my legacy advantage being the key component to that whole round I knew stoner had to go home after our last conversation together, practically threatening me and telling me im a big threat and im gonna go home, all while cockily saying he's not going anywhere, and continuously talking about how keeping him is good because he's gonna do what's "convenient" but guess what stoner, you can't reason with convenience, so he had to go. so I told eve we should do stoner instead, the threat of him having an idol had been around since the final 7 and with next round the last time to play one and my legacy being good until 6 i was in a tricky spot, so I swapped mine and eves votes to stoner and luckily they split they're votes somehow for some reason and after eves 2 were cancelled the vote was 2-2 which could have ended up as a tie but with myself and eve both SAFE we had nothing to lose to campaign at tribal why stoner should go and how we aren't going to flip our votes, in the end it worked and 4-0. After tribal i approach sarah considering her allies just blindsided her to which i am presented with the idea that she wants DARCY gone, cracks were already forming which is JUST WHAT I WANTED, i knew stoner was the glue holding sarah and darcy together if at all considering each of their relationships to him, so cutting him out broke the ice on the darcy vs sarah fued. Fast forward to now, i win immunity after a STRESSFUL FUCKING DAY OF THIS CHALLENGE, but i won so im GRATEFUL. Anyways it seems like people still wanna do Darcy, tommy and eve included, HOWEVER, if i had it my way tommy would go home tonight, he's a big physical threat and if FIC is a pressure cooker I don't see myself beating him, and if i can use this to keep darcy on my side and potentially protect me if eve flips on me at four then thats great, if not that then darcy and sarah can continue to be at each others throats while me and eve go to the final 3. 

DARCY IS VOTED OUT

SARAH IS VOTED OUT

Tonight is final trial! I need all the luck I can get, tonight it the determining factor that will show who the winner of this long chaotic season will be, stay tuned!

FINAL TRIBAL COUNCIL TAKES PLACE

Well tonight after final tribal council it feels like I have no chance, I was thrown off by nicole (Rightfully so) and didn't know how to recover. Ive learned how Egotistical and how much of a bully people see me as. I really dont see a point in winning a game if people think im those things. I really hope kevin gets his second win and joins the ranks of 2 time winners, he really deserves it, hes so kind and has been typing to me while i was crying after that all. To say the least, I dont know what else to say in this game, I had a lot of fun getting to know people. I played hard, but unfortunately I guess I need to do some self work from the sounds of it. Maybe I'm just taking Nicoles speech about me to hard, but i really thought me and her made up. Clearly, theres still some things that need to be discussed between the two of us. I never meant to hurt anyones feelings, put down anyone, or make people feel like they where beneath me, but I guess i did, and I have to own that now. This game really has reminded me of why 1) I am in this community because of the AMAZING PEOPLE ive met and 2) Why i need to take a break from them, because at the end of the day, I clearly have a lot to work on to make sure im not an egotistical bully, for some reason those words stuck with me more than anything else that was said tonight. Thank you monty and gage for the AMAZING season and the good times, sorry if my game was not as good as it could be. I feel like ive crawled my way up from the bottom so many times. And here I am sitting at FTC, feeling on the bottom again. 

[bornanxious2018]

Since being diagnosed as an Autism parent, I’ve become a really crappy friend

Since our Autism diagnosis which is a diagnosis for the parents too, the entire family in fact, not because you have it obviously, but you sign up on that day to embrace it , we did anyway, it was digested and we decided to force ourselves to begin accepting that the lives we perhaps had planned out , where not going to be the lives we had mapped out, which for some is a huge huge blow, for me personally I didn’t really have much of a plan except be the best parent and role model I could be , which is still possible with Autism in the picture, I always should have had a big life plan but I was never really sure what I wanted to do at school , I wasn’t really good at anything , not really no big talents , except people, I have great people skills and I love people , oh and writing songs and poetry , my grandad was a published poet I think I inherited his skills there .

So in school I was more worried about the social scene not particularly excelling in learning, I scrapped by , I went on to study childcare then got a job that was it really .

 I met my husband at 19 again , we went to primary school together , we used to kiss under the desks ! But he was very popular with all the girls ,it was a childhood sweetheart thing  , we were together for 4 years before our first child was born, set up home about a year in and we’re solid, but together we didn’t have big dreams not really, I think happiness and family were key, we are both from tight knit families.

We were happy to see what life threw at us and remain the same , perhaps more ambitious now in business and property , securing the futures of our children by making sensible decisions , we are very grounded and don’t take risks , if we can afford it we buy it , and we plan holidays in the same way , Brendan works very hard we are lucky 🍀.

Friendships   

  We have been a couple now for over 20 years, we have many joint friends and we have both held a few friends from school that we keep in touch with , I think it’s easier for girls to keep in contact, we share more relatable life experiences through our children and our lives are more sociable .

I think life takes over when you have kids especially when one has additional needs , I’m not saying we only need each other , social relationships are so important but in moderation.

 Special needs parenting opens new avenues to make new friends ,perhaps with people you wouldn’t have met before and that very much is so comforting ,and really a big family and network of support , my heart is very much full in this respect . 

As I’m a real people person, I’ve met many good friends that are very special to me that I cherish, but I’m aware I’m not the friend I was  , and that’s because I’m not the girl I was , parenting is selfless yes ,but special needs parenting is another level, it’s parent promotion🌟exhausting, rewarding, a lifetime  plan and it’s not optional , being a friend a real friend I don’t think has any expectations , those that have had, are long gone and there’s been a few , one friendship particular that just disintegrated through no doing of mine, and no bad blood it just dissolved and there’s no hard feelings, you can’t dwell you have to think, life’s a book years are chapters some people get written out of the story through natural causes , there’s really no point in looking behind you, not if your going forward 💙   

To all my friends ( the 4 of you😂) I love you all, sorry for no more wild nights out with big hair and red lippy, I’m needed back here at home just incase Oscar wakes up , you see he requires 24/7 care I can’t pass the responsibility on to anyone else as it’s only me that will do , I know your parents yourselves and I know you know how to love endlessly, however special needs parenting means we are constantly on the verge of breakthrough in development or total breakdown ! , and I won’t risk missing anything so for that I’m sorry .

Im also sorry, not sorry for the list below

Not  being as free to make plans, or go on nights out dancing and boozing .

Not responding or sending enough texts

Not being available to talk shit on the phone for hours .( I did love that)

Not being thoughtful enough on birthdays  

Not being able to attend many events  

Talking about autism awareness too much or about autism all the time .

Being  a shadow of who you made friends with in the first place.

Not  arranging any trips/ parties for big celebrations ( I used to be a good hostess ) 

Not being able to meet up in school holidays in crowded places  

Not being able to discuss any tv series as Ive not seen it yet!  

And in general just not being that relaxed in your company and being preoccupied  .

And  mostly sorry, not sorry for putting my special needs son above everything, even myself , I know you understand so for now you can enjoy the 1% of me that’s available .

I've hung up my dancing shoes until oscar is an adult 💙 

oh and lastly sorry if I’m a bit samey these days  .

We all have a journey this is mine ,Thankyou all for the parts you play , you make me stronger 💙 

  I don’t have two heads but this is the usual view

carefree days , me and my lovely mum

[comicteaparty]

December 27th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on December 27th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PST.  The chat focused on Inhibit by Eve Greenwood / evegwood.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Inhibit by Eve Greenwood / evegwood~! (http://www.inhibitcomic.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

there are many great scenes, but i am particularly fond of victor in the parking garage. specifically, i enjoy the unfolding of events once masha joins the party. i love the fact that victor freezes up and just flat out doesnt know what to do. not only does this fit with his character, but i actually think its refreshing for a protagonist with powers to still just be a regular person deep down who does not have the required training to deal with that sort of situation. not to mention i love seeing paulina's powers in action

spire

Agreed! The garage is one of my favorites too. I love how Paulina is breaking rules left and right- not just laws (lol) but all the concepts that have been established so far about how powers are supposed to work. I really want to figure out what's going on(edited)

RebelVampire

or is she breaking laws? as in the powers. obviously shes breaking the other sorts of laws like dont set ppls property on fire. but i will save theories on the powers for a bit later. i do enjoy that she throws a wrench already into what's established. tho i felt bad for victor that nobody is listening to him.

another scene ive been enjoying is the current flashback where victor is a bouncy child. mostly because i love how excited about everything victor is. like wanting explosions just cause its cool. and i think its just this real contrast that builds tension for the narrative since youre like "victor man what happened O_O"

spire

No one listened to him then and no one listens to him now. I would love it if someone took him seriously for once

I would also love it it someone let him REST

RebelVampire

yeah my heart really hurts for him. because ive been in that position of sitting there constantly trying to tell someone something and then being ignored.

although i really think ppl need to learn moderation in regards to their expectations for victor most of all

cause it seems like ppl either 1) expect nothing from victor and think hes a loser or 2) pull a nate and expect victor to auto be this extremely capable person despite not having trained for anything in years

Superjustinbros

*jumps in

Hello~!

RebelVampire

hey super!

Superjustinbros

Hey Rebel!

Pleased to be here~

spire

Hello~

Superjustinbros

And hello to you too, Spire!

RebelVampire

another scene that i enjoy was when julia, david, and victor snuck back in to the building to eavesdrop. on a technical level i liked the writing for it because it was a scene that moved the plot along but also served to show off the relationship dynamics that exist between those specific characters. so as a narrative construct everything in that scene felt like it had purpose to one end or the other.

Superjustinbros

I just want to say, the faces in this comic are incredible.

http://www.inhibitcomic.com/comics/2658763/chapter-5-pg-11/ Especially this one on the bottom right

And then they play bloody Laser Tag

RebelVampire

yeah the faces on the kid are really some fantastic exaggerations

Superjustinbros

Oh yes

RebelVampire

but suits them cause theyre kids

Superjustinbros

There's lots of fun to be had with giving characters over the top faces.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. Victor has been shown to be a drastically different person than he was in his youth. What is the past incident that several characters bring up that apparently resulted in a trial and inevitably got Victor kicked out of Urquhart? What does it have to do with Masha, and do you think Julia was involved somehow considering she’s also at Earl Estate? Is it the reason Nate and Victor’s relationship soured as well? Do you believe the incident is what changed Victor so much, or is it several aspects of his life? Do you think any of this has something to do with why Victor has failed to improve at Earl Estate? Also, why do you believe Victor’s inhibitors are now failing him so badly? Lastly, do you believe his missions with Nate will have an effect on Victor’s personality? How so?

Superjustinbros

tfw it's already time to answer question 2

I'll stop posting these to the chat now

RebelVampire

well considering adult victor has some issue controlling his powers when hes emotional, im gonna assume something of that nature happened. potentially maybe to that bully who keeps picking on young masha. cause i feel like victor is gonna stand up to them or attempt to and get mad and then accidentally severely injure them or something. idk about julia being involved

tho looking back it looks like she has all her fingers as a child

Superjustinbros

That seems like a very good interpretation.

Considering he does shoot out electricity at impractical times, at least from what I've seen(edited)

RebelVampire

as for nate and victor's relationship souring, i think theres more at work than just this incident. i kind of get the impression that nate just kind of likes taking things out on victor even when everything has nothing to do with victor. but i think basically all this crap combined to shake victor's confidence and that's a large reason hes not improving. cause he just has no reason to be confident anymore.

spire

I think Vic's self worth has been raised into a precarious position thanks to being a gifted (in this case- super powered) child, and with how much his spark-outs are emphasized through the whole comic, something terrible must have happened with a spark and that lack of control was touted against him, which makes it near impossible to repair his self esteem

RebelVampire

yes definitely all that. cause i feel by and large that victor has just given up on himself. which tbf i dont blame him cause literally nobody is doing anything to help really. like theres not a truly positive influence. although to nate's credit i guess he's trying? just ya know, in a super bad way

spire

Lol yeah. That's a good way to put it

Nate is helping but in the worst way. Vic needs some genuine, earnest support

As for Julia, I suspect she gave herself frostbite? Noor is very strict about Julia forming ice around her limbs, and she must have been moved to Earl for a similar outburst of her own powers

RebelVampire

tbh i think julia has more control of her powers. from the impression i get anyway. i kind of think julia is just reckless and doesnt think her actions through. though i mean might of been an outburst too. i could really go either way. and maybe its both.

though frostbite is way more tame than what i was thinking happened XD

i was picturing more encasing an ice and then shattering said ice

frostbite sounds more reasonable and less horrific

spire

Omg

Julia just thought one day that it would be cool to be a snowman

She didn't consider the fact that she can't move. Once she becomes the snow man ️

RebelVampire

that sounds like something shed do. even now cause i dont feel shes anymore responsible than she was as a kid

which ya know narratively speaking is kind of a good contrast with victor in a way

spire

Yeah

RebelVampire

cause victor has no control of his powers but has a sort of reserved control of himself. whereas julia has control of her powers but is an explosion of bad decisions waiting to happen

spire

I love that about them. Despite Julia's recklessness I think it's good for Vic to not be sitting alone in his room 24/7

RebelVampire

idk i agree and disagree. its good for him to get out and socialize, but im not sure the ppl around him are well-suited to kind of give him teh space he needs.

tho tbf im not sure the estate is the healithiest place in general

it kind of feels like prison

QUESTION 3. Victor’s life changes a lot when he’s forced to join Nate’s team. Why do you think Nate is so vehement about having Victor as a temporary member on his team? Is he honestly just trying to help Victor, or is there is some other hidden reason? What did you think the way the retrievals were handled says about the world and its view on Variants? How might the first mission change Victor’s perspective on Variants and how they’re treated (if at all)? How will it affect how Victor deals with other team missions and/or the course of the story? Lastly, do you believe that Victor will be able to makes amends and bond with the team, or will he continue to be chastised and treated somewhat lesser?

spire

The way that variants are trained at places like Urq and Miller to almost solely police their own community is disturbing. Vic wants no part of it and it's perfectly understandable

Variants are monitored so closely through their whole lives. it's invasive.

RebelVampire

yeah. and i mean...theres a degree i want to be understanding. i would not want untrained variants just walking around causing accidents and such. cause theyve shown that their powers can be damaging not just to others but themselves and also all the property around them. so i can understand that variants kind of need a special thing going on for everyone's protection

but man do those places feel like prison

like when you cant even let someone's mom see their kid off

thats a bad sign

spire

In that kind of environment a variant is pressured to do whatever they can to appear trustworthy. Even if Nate is trying to help Vic out I think he's ultimately trying to make himself look better by helping Vic succeed

RebelVampire

that could be although i feel theres easier ways then making under the table secret deals. tho tbh i think theres a mix going on here. like i think nate does want to help victor and wants to see him succeed. but i also feel like nate isnt altruistic either. more like he wants to help victor cause he feels like victor is his one failure that he cant leave to continue to be a failure just for the sake of his own pride.

Superjustinbros

“I think he's ultimately trying to make himself look better by helping Vic succeed”

This thought caught my eyes

RebelVampire

although it could also be that nate sees something of himself reflected in victor. cause nate did freak out when masha wasnt just flat out listening to his captain's orders. and i kind of feel that reflects his own feelings of being unsure of himself

Superjustinbros

Perhaps

RebelVampire

but i kind of wonder if theres an issue of dormancy at play in all this? cause if nate feels like he's losing his powers and position soon, that could be a prime motivator in whatever he feels hes got to do

like hes running out of his chance to do that one super awesome thing that immortalizes him in history

spire

Ooooooooo that's a very interesting thought

Reminiscent of thinkin you need to be ultra successful by the time you're 30

I hadn't thought of nates motivation that way before :0

RebelVampire

yeah and this is kind of an extreme case of needing to be successful by 30. cause in this case its kind of true in a way. since im sure if youre a variant the powers are kind of part of who you are. but by 30 you lose that and essentially have to redefine who you are as a person. and i think thats more true with the way their system is set up since their glorified prisons are so life encompassing.

spire

Yeah. That's got to be terrifying, knowing your whole identity is going to disappear one day, one day SOON

RebelVampire

yes. or so were led to believe. cause tbf i got sinister vibes from that scene with the doctor checking young victor for dormancy. so maybe all we know is a lie and dormancy is not a natural process but something forced upon variants.

spire

OOOOOOOOHH

Terrifying if tru

Superjustinbros

Yeah that scene creeped me out a bit

and it just came out of nowhere

RebelVampire

cause i agree with young victor. why are you checking a kid for dormancy if you know the typical ages for dormancy

and i feel that line is there for a reason

spire

I wonder if he's still wondering that now, 9 years later?

And I hope he is

RebelVampire

maybe hell remember it

Superjustinbros

Exactly, Rebel. (about the dormacy part)(edited)

RebelVampire

cause to tie in the 2nd part of that question, i def think victor is on the path to see the injustice in how variants are treated

those facial expressions in the van were already on the extreme i feel sorry for these people side

QUESTION 4. Inadvertently, Victor becomes involved with a dangerous arsonist named Paulina. What do you think Paulina’s powers are? Is she a pyro as many believe, or is there something funky going on with her powers like Victor believes? Why do you believe Paulina attacked Miller, and why do you think she’s so desperately looking for Chalice? Where do you think Paulina even came from given she isn’t declaring any facility as her origin? Why, of all people, do you think Paulina went to Victor specifically for help? Given Victor gets Julia involved, how might the residents of Earl Estate affect Victor helping Paulina or not? In general, do you believe Victor will help Paulina or not, and how will this choice affect the rest of the story?

Superjustinbros

I'm going to say maybe she has multiple powers versus most of the other characters that only have one

spire

That's what I was thinking too

Superjustinbros

I mean she really is mysterious, since her profile is still //||?⁄⁄/⁄\ | on the site

RebelVampire

idk. i mean its certainly possible. but im also willing to think that she has one power that doesnt fit any of the predefined powers the world established. so like shes a new variant type. or that she knows how to use her pyro powers in a way that nobody thought possible

but multiple powers is still possible

im just more willing to error on the side of it still fitting in with established laws and we just dont get the full picture yet

Superjustinbros

maybe like dark/gravity powers, or some power that's otherwise considered taboo?

spire

I think ultimately Vic's going to be looking for some truth and working with Pauli will appear? To get him some answers

Superjustinbros

Considering het background is nothing like the others

And yeah, maybe that ends up happening

http://inhibit.smackjeeves.com/files/what.png I mean can anyone translate this(edited)

RebelVampire

no but its probably just for the purposes of making her mysterious

and wont change to not give new readers spoilers XD

spire

Yes I believe that's simply to keep it mysterious for new readers

Superjustinbros

Yeah

RebelVampire

i think victor will def help paulina, although im not sure i get the impression paulina is gonna inspire victor to look for truth persay. though if she gets him to chalice, i think chalice will make him question stuff.

Superjustinbros

Maybe, just maybe.(edited)

RebelVampire

i kind of get the impression that paulina didnt come from any facility but instead has been living and training outside the system. cause we dont really know the process by which the facilities collect variants in the first place. like obviously we see victor's mom bring victor. but like...was it the law? was it under threat hed be taken anyway? how did ppl know?(edited)

and without knowing these things i can think of a lot of reasons paulina just skirted by the system

Superjustinbros

Definitely could be something outside the system, since it's still a mystery

spire

I'm wondering if the only reason Pauli chased Vic down to Earl is because she has blackmail to make him help her find chalice. If she asked anyone else she's obvs get turned in to the police or taken home?? Wherever that is???

Well, I guess it's not really black mail. So I don't really know

RebelVampire

maybe paulina just picked him cause hes the only variant she knows now who didnt immediately try to arrest her

and tbf

victor is a good choice cause he would seem easy to intimidate into doing what you want him to do

spire

TRUE LMAO

RebelVampire

tho i couldnt fathom why she wants to find chalice. i mean the assumption is she wants their help. but maybe she super hates them and chalice is corrupt and bad. and that there is no good in this world. or something depressing like that.

Superjustinbros

lmao

Plus he's the protagonist

RebelVampire

paulina got super meta and said "hey victor you feel like a protagonist. you can probably help"

XD

Superjustinbros

XD

Protagonist Syndrome in a nutshell

RebelVampire

that makes me feel bad for victor. victor seems like the last person whod ever want to be a protagonist

just wants to sleep in his room instead

spire

Hashtag relatable tbh

Superjustinbros

Yes

RebelVampire

since we only have 4 mins left, are there any final thoughts to share?

Superjustinbros

I'd love to do the same lol

I want to say this has been a great read so far, it's got great characters, lots of emotion, and lots of charm.

(And lots of good expressions)

Good luck with the comic, Eve, it's really going strongly so far.

spire

I think inhibit really nails what it feels like to be pinned by the expectations put on you by all levels of society, but still allowing itself to breathe and be funny and so human

RebelVampire

i think inhibit is a great story with memorable personalities. but most of all it has a relateable protagonist whose inner demons can speak to most ppl, and watching his journey is definitely probably something that will inspire hope

unless victor dies

then no hope

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Eve Greenwood / evegwood, as well, for making Inhibit. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://www.inhibitcomic.com/

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Paypal Donation Link: https://www.paypal.me/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/evegwood

Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club

Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about Princess Pups by Lindsay Hornsby. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, January 3rd, from 5PM to 7PM PST for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!

Comic’s Main Site: https://tapas.io/series/Princess-Pups

[realmzenith]

elaina ! :)

lays down, mai ily. anyways?? someone pls save elaina she Needs help

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?fairly long?? but not super long it’d make her anxious. maybe twenty minutes. it’d be a different story if it was a life or death thing tho obv

How easy is it for your character to laugh?difficult. from one to ten w one being v easily she’s like a 7. but for full uninhibited laughter it’s a solid 9. she mostly smiles and when she does laugh it’s at the dumbest things

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)she’ll lurk on instagram or think which are honestly both bad ideas for her bc instagram makes her depressed bc her social life sux and thinking makes her depressed bc she’s pessimistic and tends to overthink EVERYTHINg. however sometimes she’ll be smart abt it and read a book or look at plant pics or space which will more often than not successfully allow her to relax and get some shut eye

How easy is it to earn their trust?HM not too difficult prbly a 3 if ur nice to her and ur not a complete idiot- ok well. just if ur nice to her bc she literally falls in love w josie an idiot in her storyline

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?moderately difficult she has a hard time accepting that the ppl she trusts are capable of wronging her and usually assumes it was smth she did. she’s kind of an idiot like that so yk :) she’s prbly a 6 on that one? if we’re also accounting for the ppl she moderately trusts. however if we’re only talking abt the ppl she genuinely completely trusts it’s like an 8. she’s not COMPLETELy stupid but still p stupid abt relationships

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?rules should be followed. she accepts them as a given and that they will be followed as a given. it’ll srsly throw off her game if someone starts blatantly disobeying the law in front of her even if it is just a nominal thing

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?she’s not a v emotional person? she does feel deeply but hmm i suppose she is fairly nostalgic. certain melodies played on the guitar would prbly be one of the bigger triggers. her mom used to play and she and her dad would sing like dorks but they?? kind of dont do it anymore and she misses it but she isn’t sure how to ask to do it again. it’s the same w disney movies. they don’t watch them as a fam as much as they used to anymore but they still do on occasion! as for enjoying it she doesn’t rlly like nostalgia?? but she lets herself fall into it frequently

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?she was constantly told to talk to the other kids. she’s never been v social or good w ppl as she prefers her small group of ppl she knows and is comfortable w plus she’s an only child so she’s always been forced to socialize esp in casual settings

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?not super frequently. she does say damn bc that’s just the classic xstj swear word, her first she remembers v distinctly. it was “bitch” and completely her older cousin’s fault

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?she lowkey feels like her entire life is a lie? she’s a smart gal and gets good grades easily. she’s close to the top of her class and is considered one of the smart kids. but she herself is convinced she’s painfully mediocre and despite her other talents and unique personality traits she’s like :) im sorry for lying to u all i actually have zero interesting qualities and am a drag but ofc she never voices that bc lbr insecurity? ugly and she doesn’t want to lose the few friends she does have bc she dumped her fears on everyone else. she is, as i said, a Mess

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?she almost always pretends she understands but if she doesn’t feel like there’ll be negative consequences to asking for clarification and she’s feeling confident she’ll bluntly ask the other person to clear things up for her esp in a business type setting such as school projects, etc. it’s situational but socially speaking? she’ll pretend until she Dies

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?ask nico to get it or just struggle for ages to try to get it herself

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?she likes green and black but thinks she looks p drab in most things. in all actuality she prbly does look sharpest in black but yellow makes her look super cute, brings out a softer side of her. dark green is also flattering on her

What animal do they fear most?hm prbly eels esp electric eels. they freak her out for no particular reason. otherwise, she likes most animals and doesn’t mind most bugs

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?she does usually think before she speaks. on the extreme she’ll turn over a phrase abt ten times in her mind before even considering speaking it aloud but that’s rare and only in high stress situations. despite the fact that she does think before she speaks she’s very blunt abt most things. lay it out like it is and all. embellishing sentences or softening her statements is smth she rarely does as she finds it inefficient 

What makes their stomach turn?reckless behavior she HATES when ppl do stupid risky crap in front of her she finds it very unnecessary and anxiety inducing

Are they easily embarrassed?oh yes absolutely

What embarrasses them?everything. anything. her existence. ppl flirting w her. her parents. being teased. being incompetent. being singled out for anything. lots of things :)

What is their favorite number?she likes the number 60. no reason in particular it’s just a nice number. cue her friend, nico in the back yelling SIXTY???? MORE LIKE SEXY

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?oh oof dont talk to her about love it throws her for an existential crisis. hm but if srsly asked this she’d prbly say smth like “familial love is smth we’re rarely allowed to choose. platonic is more logical and circumstantial, and romantic is a combination of the two in the sense that it’s ur heart’s choice to begin and ur mind’s to continue.”

Why do they get up in the morning? society dictates that in order for an individual to contribute meaningfully to the world, you must get up by 7 am and do whatever lot’s been handed to you. thus she, as a good functioning member of society, gets up in the mornings and drives to school day in and day out as fate has dictated her duty to be

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? erratic. she’ll act strangely and become more distant. if it continues for long enough she’ll eventually snap at whoever’s nearest and asking what’s up w her

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? it makes her sad tbh sldkfjlkj she’s like welp.. this is the lot i’ve been given if i don’t accept it that’s my problem. then she keeps her head up and carries on

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? she prefers not to talk abt sex. she’d be v confused if someone brought up the topic of sex casually tho she isn’t SUPER squeamish abt discussing it it’s just?? unprofessional so why would u? ofc w her s/o she would be more than willing to discuss it in order to smooth out questions or misunderstandings before yk. actually. doing the sex

What are their thoughts on marriage? marriage to her is one of the pillars of society, and while she respects people who don’t want to get married, for herself she views it a checkbox on her list of things she needs to do before she dies. it’s?? like she sort of has a timeline and marriage is on the list of things that need to happen sometime in her twenties. she believes marriage should be a mutually beneficial union based on love and respect and believes that along w family units it’s a wonderful invention. however, despite all of this she kind of doubts she’ll ever get married bc she’s like who would date me lbr here :) and while simultaneously seeking after marriage she’s resigned herself to becoming an eventual crazy old cat lady

What is their preferred mode of transportation? she prefers bullet trains. efficient, usually comfortable, she doesn’t have to drive- what more could you want? she’s also fond of walking if a place is close by. helps her chill

What causes them to feel dread? the feeling that a relationship is falling apart and the divide between herself and the other person is growing. the little things like not waiting for the other person after class or “forgetting” to mention another thing about their day- the small things that point to a relationship breaking down. if there’s one thing she hates more than unnecessary conflict and having to just end things then and there it’s watching things slowly fall apart. that is extremely dread inducing in her opinion

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? if u asked her? she’d say she prefers the truth. in reality? she prefers the lie. she internalizes things and oftentimes “unpleasant truths” can weigh her down for ages. frequently enough to note, she’ll allow herself to continue in ignorance rather than accept the reality of the truth which she’ll sort of know she’s doing but just push to the back of her mind in order to avoid the panic that comes with actually confronting the problem. ignorance is bliss and all. nevertheless, in the long run and in hindsight, she prefers the truth as ripping off the bandaid proves easier than pulling out misplaced stitches one by one

Do they usually live up to their own ideals? she doesn’t come close. she has very lofty ideals to which she holds both herself and others around her. she wants to be someone who’s looked up to as strong. she values efficiency, honesty, reliability and genuinely good motives as well as charisma, passion and confidence. she’s doing alright with the first few but the last three are debatable. she’s passionate about v select things and her confidence levels looks like a heartrate monitor

Who do they most regret meeting? herself. she regrets gaining sentience

Who are they the most glad to have met? josie ;) but nico and ale are close seconds

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? nope what’s a Conversation? what’s a Joke? she doesnt know them :)

Could they be considered lazy? that’s a no. she works extremely hard and nearly always carries through. it’s partially her nature and partially a way for her to “make up” for her perceived lack of talents

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? extremely difficult but w time she eventually can esp when given the right type of support

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? that’s. a hard one. she IS technically supportive but that’s only when she recognizes how much the thing means to the other person and she’s honestly rlly bad at reading these kinds of situations, so it’s rare that she actually does. she’ll kinda be like wtf but if she doesn’t recognize the other person is genuinely excited and invested in the thing she’ll do her best to give her own brand of awkward support 

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?she’ll pursue a romantic interest if enough proof that it’s plausible is given but it’s rare that she gets enough “proof” for this to happen. generally speaking, she kind of pushes her desire for romance down. she’ll worry abt it later or at least until josie shows up eyes emoji

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? not rlly? she’ll just go thru things multiple times she’s not the most innovative person when it comes to things like this. route memorization is her go to 

What memory do they revisit the most often?;) depends on where in the storyline we’re talking but post story defo the time when she and josie went hiking w some of their other friends and when they reached the summit of the mountain the clouds were beneath the peak n completely coating the sky. it looked like a carpet of clouds, like another world and they shared a bit of a Moment. the little things are what elaina rlly cherishes

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?difficult she’s a bit of a critical person. she’s also not the most tactful when it comes to emotional intelligence related situations so ppl will likely find out she does see those flaws in them if they stick around long enough

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?not SO much but she does take things to heart. she’s sort of?? accepted her perceived mediocrity and general dullness but she’s in no way ceasing to attempt to change other things abt herself. so she’ll seemingly take criticisms in stride but they’ll stick w her when she’s Overthinking

How do they feel about children? kids are? good? she likes kids. as for having them, she’s considered it some and she thinks she might like to. at the same time, she also thinks she’d make a terrible parent- too harsh, bad w comfort, easily stressed. in all reality, she’d be better than most ppl as one esp after gaining a bit of confidence

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? rn the goal is graduating and she wants that fairly badly but she doesn’t particularly doubt her ability to achieve it. after that, it’s getting a good job which she also doesn’t overtly doubt as a certainty so yes she does want it but it’s not?? SUPEr concerning except when she begins to doubt her abilities and if she’ll ever feel like her life is fulfilling 

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? she’s lesbian. she’d say it means she’s attracted to women 

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?baby. she’s gonna find loveB) What inspired you to create them?love, simon! i wanted to write a cute lesbian high school romance so thus josie and elaina were bornC) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?nope!D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?nope again! she used to be full korean but now she’s half korean and half scandinavian! i think she used to be taller too she’s 5′5″ nowE) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?there are some aspects of each other that would get on the other’s nerves. like i dont think she’d appreciate the wonky outbursts i sometimes have and i’d get annoyed by her lack of social tact/annoyance at the world even tho i lowkey share those traits but otherwise i think we’d get along p well! i think i’d find her cute and i think she’d like my perceived confidence. we share a similar rationality as wellF) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?empathy she’s a big mood tbh and also i want her to be happy G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?her lack of emotional intelligence. while i like blunt and logic oriented ppl it’d get slightly frustrating after a while to be around someone who’s a lil oblivious to social/emotional cues even if that’s a moodH) What trait do you admire most?her humble diligence. i have to complain twice as much as her to get half the things she gets done doneI) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?i think she’d ALSO do great in a sci fi universe. ha maybe i need to give these kids a sci fi au verseJ) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?not rlly no!

[nobodysbusiness2]

10/13/20

Alright so as you can see I’ve kinda dropped the ball on this LOL. A lot has happened so I’m gonna do my best to update this and not miss anything.

I guess the most significant thing is that I got a job as a paraprofessional at Horizon Elementary school in Port Orange. For two weeks I stayed at the fountains blue green resort with dealaney, and the last week I was half in an air bnb on ormond beach, and the last few days was at hunters apartment. I was supposed to stay there the whole week but he missed his Monday morning flight so I was kinda left to fend for myself. That was not fun.

What happened was-we both got jobs as paraprofessionals in the area and were just staying at the resort while we were waiting to get approved for our apartment, by then we got denied. I stayed an extra 2 weeks after that while we were trying to find a place to live but it just didn’t make sense financially and we couldn’t find a good situation. So I quit my job and came home. Everyone at horizon was really nice and understanding about it, which made the sad to leave. But I was making $10 and was overall moved backwards financially doing it. But I must say, it was fun. We plan on trying again in December/January for the same apartment.

I started out loving the paraprofessional job. I was super excited to work with my team (kasey Johnson and Ms. Alice.) what it ended up teaching me is that I don’t necessarily love gen ed. There was this kid names Theodore that was somewhat of a behavior problem, although honestly, he really wasn’t that bad from what I’m used to, and there was only one of him. It was just one bratty kid and the teacher and IA literally only tried to get him kicked out of the program. No helping him, or trying to figure out what would be best for him, literally just complaining about him being there and his behavior issues. The teacher basically admitted it one time by saying “no it’s good that he has these behaviors, it shows that he shouldn’t be here.” There was no teaching the kids how to calm down, or cope, or having discussions, or figuring out what would be best for them, it was just very authoritarian and I wasn’t a fan of that. That being said, it was way easier than special ed and I wasn’t exhausted at the end of the day, which isn’t nothing. I also didn’t hate going to work every day. To be fair, I was staying in a resort most of the time, but still. I also put on a lot of weight during that time. I ate a lot, idk why. Like, basically binging. I even did for about a week after coming home, trying to stop. I finally have stopped but haven’t gotten back into working out, which is shitty because J want to train for a triathalon, and now I have about 10 additional pounds on me. So I’m not happy about that but I just try to keep it positive and not beat myself up too much.

Now Im trying to get a job here in the mean time before moving back to Orlando. I’ve applied for lots of secretarial positions in the Orlando area, but also retail here. I did a video interview with Target and hated it. Yesterday I went in and introduced myself to the “team leader,” who I really liked. I hope to get this job, I actually really want it. I’m still doing Uber eats but I really never feel like doing it. I also want to stop putting so many miles on my car so quickly, it is getting to be a lot.

This past week I’ve been super unmotivated to do anything and idk why. Idk if it’s seasonal depression? I’ve been trying to kick it but failing. I just want to lie in bed all day. I think it will be better once I have a job with an actual schedule and have a reason to get up in the mornings. Speaking of, I’ve been keeping a good sleep schedule and I’m actually pretty proud of that. While I was in Orlando, I was getting up at 4:30 every morning for work, and going to bed by 10. I thought I was going to die, because I’ve never done anything like that before, but I actually just had so much energy and felt great, so I’ve kept that up. Now I try to be in bed by 10 and ip by 7. Since this little depressive episode It’s been more like 11 and 8 but that’s still not bad. Still, my goal is to see the sunrise and I have to be up by 7 forthat, so I always feel like a failure when I’m not.

I’m kinda addicted to tik tok. Right now my favorite is damnitjonah. I watched one of his live videos of him just walking through the park and t was so lovely. Turns out he has this community called the army of Penguins that I joined in discord and I’ve been addicted to that lol. It’s very wholesome. The only thing is that they play a lot of games like Minecraft and amoung us, and I’m not really a game person, so I’m just active on the other channels. I was considering becoming a moderator, and I even filled out the application, but I didn’t submit it because idk how to do all that other stuff. I still might but with the possible upcoming job, I’m not sure J want to yet. But I feking love Jonah.

Okay I think that’s all!

[mental-health-advice]

Tag in skinteethpooth pls// so basically im sure I have adhd and my friend(whos been diagnosed with adhd) also thinks so. Ive taken online tests and all of the ones ive taken said I have severe adhd. I just dont know how to bring it up to my mom cause I know she wont take it seriously yet its really affecting me daily life

Hi friend!

I’m sorry that you have been struggling with this and it has been affecting your daily life, that must be really hard for you. Hopefully I will be able to give you a little advice. 

Firstly, we really discourage self-diagnosis here at MHA for the reasons listen here. If you feel that you are struggling with a medical condition then I really suggest going and getting it checked out by a professional. Your doctor would be a good place to start as they can assess your physical and mental health, diagnose if applicable, and begin treatment with you. Here is our page about getting help that should answer some questions that you might have about getting professional help.

Saying that, I am going to briefly discuss some of the symptoms and some techniques you could try to manage these symptoms. 

Inattention - difficulty concentrating on a single task, easily distracted. To help manage this, you could try giving yourself specific time goals for completing a task; so if you have homework to do, work for periods of 10/15 minutes, then take a break. This will hopefully increase your focus and motivation during your work periods, but allow you to do other things and occupy yourself during the breaks.

Hyperactivity - restless and fidgety, sometimes unable to cope with quietness. Incorporating moderate exercise into your daily schedule may help to control energy levels. Also practising meditation and other relaxation techniques may be something for you to look into.

Impulsivity - making quick decisions without thinking about the consequences eg. spending money, or reckless behaviour. Mindfulness could be really helpful for controlling impulsive thoughts; when you find yourself about to engage in something impulsive, try writing out what the action is, then consider the pros and cons, and try to make a balanced decision about whether or not you want to engage in that behaviour. With things like spending, you can try putting things in your basket or reserving it when you are feeling impulsive, and then go back and actually decide whether to buy it when you are feeling more calm.

In terms of talking to your mum... adhd does come with a lot of stigma about it being laziness or just disorganisation, so it can be hard for people to accept the validity of it as a mental health condition. If this is something you are worried about, maybe you could begin talking to your mum about it by discussing the things you have been struggling with at school and just in your daily life, and gradually work up to telling her that you have been doing some research and thing adhd might be something to consider. I am sure that your mum will just want what is best for you and will be willing to do anything she can to help you. You are valid and you deserve all the help available to you

I hope this has been useful for you, lovely. Please get back in touch if there is anything else that we can do to help you! Take care,

Rhiann xo

[wolfliving]

Janit0r the BrickerBot guy

*He’s a vigilante. So he says, anyway.

https://www.bleepingcomputer.com/news/security/brickerbot-author-claims-he-bricked-two-million-devices/

(...)

At this point, we had to confirm that Janit0r was indeed BrickerBot's author and not just some guy bragging on Hack Forums. This is how we spent the next two days, scraping through the Dark Web, underground hacking forums, and getting in contact with a few threat intelligence analysts we knew.

By Wednesday, we didn't manage to find any other clue of Janit0r's existence, or anybody else claiming to be BrickerBot's author, with some solid proof on his side. That's when we just gave up, and launched a desperate tweet, asking BrickerBot's author to reach out.

BrickerBot's Author reaches out

Lo and behold, this was exactly what happened. The same day, we received an email from a person claiming to be BrickerBot's creator.

The email contained lots of details about BrickerBot's operation and internal structure. Nevertheless, at this point, we knew that there could be the possibility that someone was pulling a prank.

Chance had it that someone else had also seen our tweet. That person was Victor Gevers, a security researcher mostly known for tracking the destructive ransom attacks against MongoDB and other databases.

In the Bleeping Computer article that broke the news of BrickerBot's existence, we asked Victor for his expert opinion on this new malware's behavior and repercussions. Victor not only put BrickerBot in perspective for our readers, but also asked BrickerBot's creator to reach out and discuss an alternative method of dealing with unsecured IoT devices, instead of blindly destroying people's property.

Unknown to all was that BrickerBot author had reached out to Victor hours after our article went live. The two had shared notes and Victor was acting as an intermediary between Janit0r and various CERTs. All the operational details shared with us on Wednesday were the same Janit0r shared with Victor in the previous three weeks, confirming we were speaking with the same person.

"Yes, I am janit0r"

"Yes, I was janit0r on Hackforums," the BrickerBot author started his email, which then continued with Janit0r showing his anger at the sad state of affairs in the realm of IoT security.

Like so many others I was dismayed by the indiscriminate DDoS attacks by IoT botnets in 2016. I thought for sure that the large attacks would force the industry to finally get its act together, but after a few months of record-breaking attacks it became obvious that in spite of all the sincere efforts the problem couldn't be solved quickly enough by conventional means. The IoT security mess is a result of companies with insufficient security knowledge developing powerful Internet-connected devices for users with no security knowledge. Most of the consumer-oriented IoT devices that I've found on the net appear to have been deployed almost exactly as they left the factory. For example 9 out of every 10 Avtech IP cameras that I've pulled the user db from were set up with the default login admin/admin! Let that statistic sink in for a second.. and then consider that if somebody launched a car or power tool with a safety feature that failed 9 times out of 10 it would be pulled off the market immediately. I don't see why dangerously designed IoT devices should be treated any differently and after the Internet-breaking attacks of 2016 nobody can seriously argue that the security of these devices isn't important. I hope that regulatory bodies will do more to penalize careless manufacturers since market forces can't fix this problem. The reality of the market is that technically unskilled consumers will get the cheapest whitelabel DVR they can find at their local store, then they'll ask their nephew to plug it into the Internet, and a few minutes later it'll be full of malware. At least with 'BrickerBot' there was some brief hope that such dangerous devices could become the merchant's and manufacturer's problem rather than our problem.

BrickerBot allegely wiped over two million devices

I joined Hackforums in January mainly to see if my activities had been noticed by the botnet kids. Back then 200,000 bricked units seemed like a lot and I was sure I was close to the end of it. Now when the count is over 2 million it's clear that I had no idea (and still have no idea) how deep the rabbit hole of IoT insecurity is. I'm certain that the worst is still ahead of us. I hope the unconventional actions by 'BrickerBot' have helped in buying another year of time for governments, vendors and the industry in general to get the current IoT security nightmare under control. Many other people have also done important things to combat IoT malware (Team White, Hajime author, @packetcop and his fellow sinkholers, etc) so I'm by no means claiming credit for Mirai being weak in Q1/2017, but if Imeij and Amnesia have suffered a little recently then it's probably mainly my fault ;)

Janit0r's email then goes on to detail a few operational details regarding BrickerBot's infrastructure, also dispelling the notion that he's a madman set on the random destruction of IoT devices.

In reality, Janit0r wants to be considered in the same class as the White Team, the self-proclaimed white-hat hackers behind the Wifatch malware, and the author of the Hajime malware, another vigilante who created a new malware family last October that tries to secure IoT devices by force.

The Radware writeup made 'BrickerBot' sound simplistic, but it actually carries 86 protocol and device-specific payloads and is relatively successful at mitigating commonly exploited devices. The bot's every action has a statistically determined purpose and what might've seemed like buggy behavior in the honeypot really isn't. As a preference 'BrickerBot' will try to secure units without damaging them and the bricking behavior is a 'plan B' (yes the B stands for brick :) for units which are unlikely to be securable. A blogger on the net wondered about 'BrickerBot' simply trying to change his honeypot's login and this would've been due to the bot assuming the device had a persistent user db. Because the honeypots are often quite different from any actual devices the behaviors in them are usually weird. If security researchers made their honeypots look more like actual devices (that one could actually find with default credentials on the net) and hosted them on dirtier networks they would find even more interesting things going on..

Victor Gevers, who confirmed Janit0r's bricking statistics also believes this person is only misguided, and hopes to convince him to abandon his ways. "The writer of the email does not strike me as a bad person," Gevers told Bleeping Computer based on his own communications with Janit0r. "Just some young guy who was too eager to solve a problem."

Janit0r wants a change in IoT security standards

For the time being, Janit0r doesn't seem interested in stopping BrickerBot attacks, or at least not until officials and hardware vendors take a look at IoT security and start changing things with a hurry.

Authorities have been talking about IoT security standards for years, but in the meantime, some of the same vendors participating in those discussions have continued to ship out insecure devices with the same ol' default passwords. In a follow-up email, Janit0r wrote the following.

I consider my project a form of "Internet Chemotherapy" I sometimes jokingly think of myself as The Doctor. Chemotherapy is a harsh treatment that nobody in their right mind would administer to a healthy patient, but the Internet was becoming seriously ill in Q3 and Q4/2016 and the moderate remedies were ineffective. The side effects of the treatment were harmful but the alternative (DDoS botnet sizes numbering in the millions) would have been worse. I can only hope hope that when the IoT relapse comes we'll have better ways to deal with it. Besides getting the number of IoT DDoS bots to a manageable level my other key goal has been to raise awareness. The IoT problem is much worse than most people think, and I have some alarming stories to tell.

Janit0r is a wanted man

Nonetheless, the actions of BrickerBot place this malware in the same category as other destructive e-threats, such as ransomware and banking trojans. Janit0r already knows he's a wanted man and has taken many precautions.

Tracking down Janit0r's real life persona may also be a little harder than going after teenagers that rent DDoS botnets with their father's credit card. While he signed his Hack Forums posts with the name "Rob," Janit0r also used different names within each email, said he never intends to log into his Janit0r Hack Forums account again, and has consistently changed email addresses every few days.

For what's worth it, Janit0r has been very careful with his OpSec, compared to many of today's hackers, who, according to a Flashpoint report released yesterday, prefer Skype as their main communications method, an IM service known to give up data on its users to law enforcement.

Janit0r: I'm not a security researcher

Current clues like Janit0r's reverse engineering skills, in-depth knowledge of the malware scene, and a desire to do good, point to the fact that we may be dealing with another security researcher or network engineer that has decided to do something about the ever-increasing number of unsecured network and IoT devices.

"For what it's worth I'll state that I've never actually worked in networking, systems administration, information security or anything of the sort, but I have a hobby interest in all of the above. I believe that basic knowledge in such things is good self-defense in the 21st century," Janit0r wrote in an email.

Right now, all users and companies can do is to follow Radware and ICS-CERT's recommendations, and block access to Telnet and SSH ports, and also change the device's default password. Otherwise, they may get a visit from BrickerBot, and it might reach Plan B....

[themoneybuff-blog]

Inspiration from Sathya Sai Baba, Stephen Fry, Son Volt, and More

Once a month (or so), I share a dozen things that have inspired me to greater personal, professional, and financial success in my life. I hope they bring similar success to your life. 1. Bob Dylan on regrets I dont believe in regrets. Regrets just keep you chained to the past. You gotta make peace with the past. Theres no reason to regret it. Youve done it, just make peace with it. Bob Dylan A few weeks ago, I was digging through some very old journal entries, some of my oldest ones from the mid-1990s. I read an entry about an old friend of mine who passed away several years later. Our friendship had faded and I actually didnt hear about his passing for a while, well past his funeral, and it filled me with huge regret when I heard about it and I actually felt some regret when I read this entry. As I thought about him, Im reminded of what one of the best people Ive ever known, who Ill call Tony, once said about friendships. He told me that some friendships are for a day, some are for a season, and some are for a lifetime. They all fill a need for us, but its okay for some friendships to only be for a day and its okay for some friendships to only be for a season. Just dont let them end with a cruel word. We were great friends at a key point in both of our lives and then our lives went in different directions. I dont recall ever saying anything cruel or intentionally leaving him out; I simply moved several hours away and then, shortly thereafter, he moved away as well and we simply didnt see each other any more. I dont regret letting that friendship end any more. Rather, Im glad we were friends at that time when we needed that other person in our life as someone to hang out with and talk about the inherent difficulties of figuring out what came next in our lives. We both needed that, and then we didnt, and thats okay. [embedded content] This song comes straight out of that time period I wrote about above. This song, the entire album it comes from, and some of the albums of two closely related bands (Wilco and Uncle Tupelo) were the soundtrack of that period in my life. Over the last few weeks, Ive played so many of those albums over and over again, out of a mix of admiration of the beauty of that music as well as the way it can transport me to another place and time if I let it. Music has an ability to do this. Art has an ability to do this. Its somehow tied to feelings deep inside of us, and for me, this song taps into that sense of doing something familiar but knowing that the familiar is about to end. I think it comes both from the song itself and from the period of my life that I identify with it. 3. Sathya Sai Baba on when to speak Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve the silence? Sathya Sai Baba Im trying to move in this direction with my own conversation, moving away from meaningless chit chat and trying to save my words for things that actually have meaning and are better than the silence. The big challenge that I often have to overcome with this is that, for several hours a day, Im mostly silent. I work from home, by myself, and theres no reason to talk. Thus, when my kids and my wife get home, Im anxious to simply communicate with another person and sometimes Ill end up just talking for the sake of talking. Thats a bad habit and I want to trim it out, so Im focusing on being more purposeful with my words. Am I communicating kindness? Am I communicating anything useful? Am I communicating worthwhile information? If not, why speak? 4. The Five Minute Method Im not sure where I picked up this idea, but its something that Ive done both consciously and unconsciously for years and its been particularly powerful as of late. The idea is this: whenever theres something you need to do that you really dont want to do, agree to just do it for five minutes literally setting a timer if you want and then you can quit with no guilt afterwards. Thats it. Dont want to exercise? Agree to just do some exercise for five minutes. If your timer goes off, you can quit, or you can go longer if you want in either case, its a win. Dont want to meditate? Set a five minute timer. Dont want to do that dreadful work task thats hanging over your head? Set a five minute timer. Dont want to dig into that project thats going to take all day? Set a five minute timer. Quit after the five minutes if you want. Do it another day. This really works for me for some reason. Quite often, once the five minutes are up, I want to keep making headway on the project at hand anyway. If I dont, I know I can quit with no guilt because I know I made just a little progress. It goes back on tomorrows to-do list. Try it. Use it with every task that seems miserable in your life. 5. Aaron Sorkin on learning If youre dumb, surround yourself with smart people. If youre smart, surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you. Aaron Sorkin This is spectacular advice. If you want to genuinely understand the world better, surround yourself with people who know things that you do not and learn from them. Theres only one problem with this strategy: there are enough people in the world who are genuinely opposed to being exposed to new ideas that many people have their guard up and immediately get defensive when discussing ideas. If you ask a question, they assume theyre just being attacked by someone who isnt actually genuinely interested in an exchange of ideas, but rather in just creating conflict and discord. In other words, this approach does not work well online outside of specific, carefully moderated situations. It works best face to face, with people youre interacting with directly and who you have some form of real life social connection with. It is that social connection that encourages those involved to put down their defensiveness and exchange ideas. Its why I go to meetups. Its why I like to go to lectures and presentations when I can. Its why I often have really deep discussions with friends I trust. Its why I read books that challenge me. I dont know a lot of things about the world, and even in the areas I do know well, I dont know every perspective or idea. I want to know those things. [embedded content] From the description: Thubten Chodron is a Tibetan Buddhist nun, prolific author, and world renowned teacher. She is the founder and abbess of Sravasti Abbey, and co-author of a book with His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Want to be happy? Join Venerable Thubten Chodron to learn how. By becoming aware of how our actions affect those around us, as well as ourselves, she offers ways to identify and overcome our self-centered attitude that pretends to look out for our welfare, but is actually self-sabotaging and primes us to make unwise choices. The core idea that she presents is that taking purely self-centered actions ones where we dont even consider the impact on others rarely brings us lasting happiness. Rather, considering how the things we do affect others and filtering what we do to center more on things that benefit others and ourselves often becomes a source of lasting happiness. Think about the things you do in a given day. How many of them are things that you do entirely because they benefit you? How many of those things are things that youve even considered in terms of how they affect people besides yourself? Heres a good practice: spend a day logging everything that you do. Then, a day or two later, go through that log and ask yourself how many of those things were done solely because they benefited you. Then, for each of those things, consider alternative things you could have done that might have been good for others, too, without shortchanging yourself (or only having a minor relative drawback for you). I did this a week or so ago and I found a lot of little things that I could do differently. It was pretty surprising how I could tweak lots of little things in my life to be a little less self-centered without adding a whole lot of effort, and then doing things in the less self-centered way felt a whole lot better. For example, I redid my morning routine so that I could make a better breakfast for my kids; in the end, it didnt cost me any time, but by thinking of things in terms of them, they wound up with a better breakfast most mornings that they could eat with their dad. 7. Malcolm Gladwell on self-contradiction If you dont contradict yourself on a regular basis, then youre not thinking. Malcolm Gladwell Its worth noting here that Gladwell is talking about contradicting yourself in terms of ideas, not in terms of behavior or lying about what youre up to. His point is that if youre actually thinking about an idea and turning it over and over in your head, your understanding of that idea deepens and your opinions on that idea likely change a little, and that results in your current views and comments potentially seeming hypocritical compared to earlier views and comments. I think its good for society to move past looking at a persons evolving views as being a bad thing. We should want people to turn over ideas in their head, understand them better, and thus evolve their views on those ideas. Sticking to the same ideas in the face of a lot of contradictory evidence isnt a good thing. Its not hypocritical to change your views when you learn new information. A person who does this isnt a hypocrite. Rather, theyre just being thoughtful. 8. Heath Ledger on happiness Everyone you meet always asks if you have a career, are married, or own a house, as if life was some kind of grocery list. But no one ever asks you if you are happy. Heath Ledger This is a good point, but its also a difficult one. Having a conversation with someone about whether they are happy feels really awkward. Asking someone if theyre happy often opens the door to a conversation that most people dont want to have even with people theyre very close to. Ive been turning this over in my head for a long time and lately Ive moved to using a pretty standard conversation starter that I think hits on this in a meaningful way. I simply ask people Whats good in your life right now? If they dont seem sure of what I mean, I explain it simply: What have you done lately that youve really enjoyed? Have you read a good book? Watched a good movie? Spent time with someone cool? Finished off a big project? I find that almost everyone has something they can talk about here, and its usually something that gets them excited and positive and animated. Not only that, I learn about all kinds of interesting things, and I usually learn something pretty interesting about that person, too. This is the single best free introductory course to computer programming that I have ever found. If I were to point someone toward a resource from which they could learn the basics of computer programming without shelling out significant cash, this would be it. The catch is that its an online course that runs somewhat irregularly. Its often hard to catch it right when it starts sometimes itll be in the middle of a session and other times its not running at all. Im mentioning it here because a new session of this class starts at the beginning of June. Its completely free and its really, really good. This is highly recommended if youve ever wanted to dig into computer programming a little to understand what exactly it is. This is good teaching at its finest. 10. Jim Rohn on discipline and regret We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. Jim Rohn I have dropped this quote before in inspiration columns, but it has been incredibly powerful for me over the years. In general, you have two choices most of the time. You can be disciplined right now, or you can have regrets later on. You can eat that unhealthy meal right now (no discipline) and suffer some negative health effects down the road (regret), or you can eat a healthy meal now (discipline) and be fitter and healthier in life (no regret). You can spend your money on something frivolous (no discipline) and then have to deal with financial difficulties later on (regret), or you can skip by most unnecessary expenses (discipline) and achieve your big financial goals (no regret). Its true for many of lifes challenges exercise, building relationships, and so on. We always have a choice discipline or regret. The catch, of course, is that discipline isnt very painful at all often just a little uncomfortable at the moment while regret can be incredibly painful and long lasting. 11. My in-laws My wifes parents both recently retired. They spent the last decade or so really stabilizing their finances so that they could afford to retire and still enjoy travel and doing things with their grandchildren and having hobbies. They visited us for the first time since theyve both retired and I swear I could tell a difference with them. They both just seemed a little more relaxed, but at the same time, a little more interested in doing things. Often in the past, they would visit us and both seem a bit tired from their busy lives and would treat their visit as a mini-vacation of sorts where they could relax. When they came up this time, they wanted to help us with a couple minor home improvement projects and they threw themselves into painting a room with gusto. They seemed upbeat and happy and possibly more energetic than Ive seen them in a while. They talked about things they wanted to do in the very near future and seemed excited about all of it. In other words, theyre doing exactly what I want to do when I retire. 12. Stephen Fry on depression If you know someone whos depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isnt a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather. Stephen Fry Ive had periods of deep melancholy in my life that probably swung into mild depression, though I was never treated for it. I went through most of a year once where I had minimal motivation to do much of anything at all other than the absolute bare minimum. It took me a long time to climb out of that hole. Lately, Ive been watching a good friend of mine fall into that kind of depression spiral. Hes gradually become more and more withdrawn from me and from other mutual friends. He doesnt respond to text messages or other methods of communication much at all. Even when I do manage to get him out of the house, hes largely uncommunicative. I know from others that he rarely leaves his home. I am really at a loss as to what I can do to help. In the end, I think the best thing I can do is to just keep inviting him to do things, keep sending him positive things about the things weve had a shared interest in, keep checking in and poking without actually talking about the elephant in the room that is depression. If he does decide to talk about it, Ill just listen and empathize, but I wont push him to talk about it. I want him to remember that people care about him without blatantly saying people care about you. I miss him. I wish I had a magic way to help, but I dont. Rather, I think the best thing I can do is to just not let that thread of connection between us wither and die, not push him to talk about the depression, but rather to talk about the positive things we share and if he decides to open up about it, Ill just listen and be supportive and not try to jam my own experiences into it. https://www.thesimpledollar.com/inspiration-from-sathya-sai-baba-stephen-fry-son-volt-and-more/

[kansascityhappenings]

Joe’s Weather Blog: Snow expected…should get very messy (THU-1/10)

Our 2nd snowstorm (not as dramatic) as the blizzard is still expected to hit the region later Friday into Saturday morning. Snow, moderate to heavy at times, will fall and accumulate. Roads may initially put up somewhat of a fight…but will eventually turn slick and snow covered. There remain questions (we’re talking 1-3°) in the temperatures, and the heaviest areas of snow, but this will be a pretty big ticket item on Saturday morning at least.

Forecast:

Today: Variable clouds and seasonable with highs in the 40° range

Tonight: Increasing and lowering clouds and not as cold with temperatures near 32°

Friday: Cloudy with rain showers developing. There might be a few patches in the AM but the better chances are in the afternoon. Highs in the mid 30s

Friday night: Rain changes over to snow. Moderate to heavy wet snowfall is possible. Accumulations begin. Temperatures drop to near 32°

Saturday: Snow slowly tapers off to snow showers/flurries later in the afternoon. Accumulations end. Totals expected to be in the 2-4″ range for most of the area. There remains some upside to that the farther east/north you go from the KC region. Temperatures in the 32-35° range all day. The snow may continue through the game…

Sunday: Gray and cold with stagnant temperatures and highs near 30° with snowcover keeping things cold.

Discussion:

Things continue to fall into place and in an effort to simplify my forecast thoughts…I’m most concerned about what happens between roughly 6PM Friday night and 6AM Saturday. On the assumption that anything before that is rain, or even a wintry mix and snow, my thoughts are that there should be melting happening before 6PM Friday. IF there is appreciable sticking snow…then there will be upside to my forecast of 2-4″ for the KC area. My thoughts are the with temperatures a couple of degrees above 32° before 6PM Friday…that accumulations will be somewhat tough to come by.

So with that said…let’s talk about the storm coming this way. There are still the usual questions..somewhat a bit more complicated by how the temperatures in the lower 2,000 feet of the atmosphere will respond to a persistent south wind and efforts to stay near 32° just barely above the surface. This really isn’t an issue with a storm track or anything at this point (at least to me) since we’re talking about broad scale lift to the atmosphere over a wide range of territory. There will be heavier bands setting up (as usual) and those bands will determine potentially some 3-6+” totals. Where they set up will be a nowcast situation early Saturday I think.

The system itself will be moving through the western US today…it’s onshore and has been for the last 12 hours or so. You may need to look carefully at the water vapor loop showing the little twist in the western US in the CA region…tough to make out.

This is a break-off of the big Pacific storm that has now fallen apart and broken into many pieces that I showed you from the other day.

This will come out and over the Rockies tomorrow. Strange things can happen with these disturbances as they cross over the mountains and come into the Plains but based on the data this morning this should turn into a decent upper level storm as it comes along the I-70 corridor. The upper level feature is actually taking a nice track. Any farther north and we’d get concerned with some weird dry slot cutting off the snow production (or reduce it to little accumulating snow production). So that is a decent track.

Here is a look at the disturbance coming across the Plains tomorrow and Saturday. At first it’s in several chunks then it sort of comes together on Saturday morning…so the snow may linger into the afternoon on Saturday. The animation below is via NEXLAB

The data suggests rain will start things out…in the afternoon. I think the NAM is too quick on the changeover to snow during the afternoon. IF it’s pouring snow in the afternoon…this will turn into a 4″+ snow for KC easy.

The bottom line, at least to me…the earlier the snow starts sticking the bigger the amounts. IF the snow sticks at 3PM Friday…4-8″ is possible. IF the snow starts sticking at 6PM…3-6″ possible and if the snow starts sticking at 9PM…2-5″ is possible. The later we wait for sticking snow the lower the totals. Most of the appreciable sticking snow should finish during the mid morning Saturday. There still should be some snow after that though…and some additional more minor accumulations are possible into the game itself. There could be a band of somewhat heavier snow move through in the afternoon as the storm winds up and pulls away. That could be a bit more interesting during the game itself.

So my approach is that the snow starts sticking in earnest after 6PM Friday…so the way I’m approaching this is looking at how much moisture is forecast to fall from 6PM FRI>6AM SAT.

Let’s use the hi res NAM to start that conversation…

Roughly .4 to .5″ for most of the KC region..some heavier north and south.

Now I don’t think (initially) we’ll have a strict 10:1 snow ratio…1/2″ rain equals 5″ snow…we may have to work into that Friday night. So playing with that a bit…gives me my 2-4″ thought process for KC. Some upside on the MO side.

Let’s say that we’re waiting till 9PM for the snow to stick…now let’s look at the forecast moisture totals from 9PM FRI>9AM SAT…

Still near .4″ BUT there is a noticeable decrease from the SW coming up I-35. Still decent totals northern MO.

IF we’re waiting till 12AM SAT…then this is a somewhat different ballgame. I DON’T think this will happen. Here is the 12 hour total in moisture from 12AM SAT-12PM SAT.

That wouldn’t be much at all…and with temperatures near 32° appreciable accums over 2″ would be tough to come by.

So really the bulls-eye of this should be after 6PM FRI…maybe add a few hours to 9AM SAT for accumulations.

Melting…compacting of heavy wet snow…still steers me in the 2-4+” bracket.

This will be a heavier wetter snow. Great for snowman making and snowball fights but some will struggle to shovel off the driveways because of the “weight” of the snow.

I did some calculations…IF your driveway is 50 feet long and 20 feet wide…it covers 1000 sq feet. Based on that…and with about 3″ of snow on it…that 3″ of snow may have .4″ of liquid in it. That’s about .03 cubic feet. Multiple that by 1000 sq feet and you get 30. cubic feet of water. 1 cubic foot of water weighs 62.4 lbs…so multiply 62.4 cf of water by 30 and you get over 1800 lbs of snow. Just shy of 1 ton. That’s why these types of storms are called heart attack snows. There is actually some interesting write ups about these heavier wetter snowstorms that you might be interested in. 

There are other factors as well…working out in the cold that also puts pressure on the heart muscle and on your blood pressure. The cold makes your arteries constrict raising blood pressure and that can strain the heart too.

We actually haven’t had one of these type snows in awhile, of any consequence I don’t believe.

Sorry for that tangent.

About the current watches/warnings etc…this should be a higher ticket item towards the east of the KC region.

Locally…

More updates as needed. The GFS model is still the least snowy of the bunch. Other models are somewhat in the 3-6″ range. The Lakes region may get this one pretty good!

Our feature photo comes from Glenna Oidtman in Grandview, MO

Joe

from FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports https://fox4kc.com/2019/01/10/joes-weather-blog-snow-expected-should-get-very-messy-thu-1-10/

from Kansas City Happenings https://kansascityhappenings.wordpress.com/2019/01/10/joes-weather-blog-snow-expectedshould-get-very-messy-thu-1-10/

[captain-spookycandycollecti-blog]

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Hi, I was wondering if anyone could tell me an approx. cost per year for an 18 year old to own a fairly sporty coupe from around 2009 living in a busy area of Toronto, ON. I know it will be really expensive, but I am planning on buying a car. Thanks! :)""

My car insurance is ridiculous!?

I am entering my 4th year of driving (22 yr old) with absolutely no claims and even with comparing market my car insurance goes up every year. New comparison has come out at over 2500 quid! I drive a 2.2 diesel but even on a little 1.0 aygo or similar car it is over a grand. Has this happened to anyone else? I'm going to quit driving. I have paid out over 8000 in insurance premiums with no claims and it is getting increasingly difficult to save for a house as you need around 30000 for a deposit.

Cheapest car insurance for a 21 year old in nj?

what's the cheapest car insurance a 21 year old can have in the state of new jersey?

Does filing a claim raise auto insurance rate?

My car was vandalized while I slept. Luckily my car shut itself off when it did not recognize the key. I filed a claim with the insurance. I had comprehensive coverage. When it was time to renew, my rates increased. What is the point of having insurance if you are discouraged from filing a claim? I thought if it was not my fault, my rates do not increase?""

Does my mom HAVE to be on MY car insurance?

So here's the deal -- I am getting a new car soon and my mom wants me to get my own insurance so her bill doesn't go up (she normally pays $70/month, but once I was added to her policy the bill went up $85 -- and that was with just ONE car). And now that I am getting my own car, my mom knows that the insurance is going to sky rocket and that is why she wants me to have my own insurance. However -- according to all these insurance companies, my mom and I HAVE to add each other as drivers onto our policies since we live in the same household. My problem is this -- why is it that when I am getting a quote online and I add my mom as a driver (but have her EXCLUDED from the policy), the price is $1183 every 6 months, yet when I DON'T include her as a driver at all, the price drops down to $854? Do I HAVE to add my mom onto my car insurance even though she has her own policy with a different company and won't be driving my car -- ever? Seriously, the only time she will be in my car is when I am driving, and god forbid I do get into an accident, this insurance company covers myself and any relative that resides in the household. So would I REALLY have to add my mom onto my car insurance even though she won't be driving my car? I don't want to pay $400 more for someone who will never drive my car...""

How much is the fine for driving with no car insurance in Ontario?

How much is the fine for driving with no car insurance in Ontario?

""What are average prices for life, health, and auto insurance (any company)?""

I'm doing a project for school and what would an average price be for 2 people with just a regular car, like a honda or something, nothing fancy, for auto insurance. and for 2 healthy people for life insurance and health? i've website but you have to give all this info for a quote, but i'm just looking for an average froma ny companies.""

""Got a dui in ny, how much will car insurance go up?""

OK so i recently was caught for a DUI in NY state , i am under my sister's insurance (geico) and the car is in my name....i want to know how much will the insurance go up even though my sister never had a claim and i am under her...""

quick insurance quote

quick insurance quote

Medicaid pays 100% but does insurance?

People who don't qualify for medicaid has to have regular insurance . A lot of those who don't qualify for medicaid can be determined by just a few dollars as they have a cut off limit. If they have to buy insurance wouldn't they have to pay the difference between the ins pay and balance? If one does not get insurance then there is a fine from your taxes. Is all this correct? Does the fine go towards an insurance premium if they pass the new health care law? Sorry for so many questions. Just trying to understand this a bit.

Health Care/Insurance...Right or Responsibility?

I see many on both sides have their own opinion on this issue. Many on the right claim it's a 'responsibility' while several on the left think it should be a 'right'. Why do you ...show more

Are there anyways of lowering my car insurance? 19 Yr Old Male.?

Im a 19 year old male and I have my own suzuki swift sport which I have worked hard for for the last few years. The only thing is my insurance is around 3000 a year (brand new car)........ I dont mind going on my mothers insurance for example, im not worried about not being able to build my own no claims bonus............................. I have done a small amount of research into going onto my mothers policy and it wasn't that much cheaper........................are there and other ways of legal going about this? Thanks for your time, Matt.""

Cheap Motorbike Insurance for Young Rider? (PLEASE)?

Hi All... Thanks In Advance for any suggestions! Ive been riding my beloved VFR400 NC30 for 2 Years now (Which is now for sale), its finally time to get a bigger bike! Im wondering if anyone has any suggestions for the cheapest bike insurer for my age... I am 20 Years old (21 in May) and im looking to get insurance on a 2005 honda cbr600rr, I have been riding for 2 years with 2 years no claims, I own a car and have been driving for 3+ years with 2 years no claims. I did have a perfectly clean licence until last week when I picked up 3 points for Driving over the speed limit in scotland, Which I actually did carelessly not on purpose, so that will obv bump up the price a bit! I have tried some of the usuals likes Bennett's, elephant etc just wondering if there is anyone who knows ones that may work out cheaper than the 600 pound that i have been quoted! Once again many Thanks""

Car Insurance Am I covered? The car has it but im not on the insurance!?

I had a wreck saturday, im not on the insurance but the car has insurance.. I was just barrowing the car.. Would it still be covered and be able to get fixed?""

Can a car insurance broker be wrong?

This insurance broker gave me a quote that is a lot lower than what i pay for my car insurance right now. He double checked my information and my driver's licence and gave me a low quote, while all the other brokers told me higher amounts. Could he be wrong? What if I say I want to switch to that insurance, and it turns out he cannot get that locked quote for me? what happens then?""

Do motorcycle insurance claims have to be noted on car insurance?

i recently renewed my car insurance and stated ive made no claims in last 5 years but 3 years ago i made a claim on motorcycle insurance when my bike was stolen - should I have put this on my car insurance?

Which car models have good insurance rates?

I'm asking this question for a friend and she's curious to know some car models with good insurance rates. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated :)

Any Creative Marketing ideas for Auto/home insurance in California?

I've been trying lots of new ideas for marketing my insurance business. I do flyers, internet advertising and more. What made you chose your insurance agent? What sorts of things are important to you, (other than price)? What sort of promotions would you be interested in seeing?""

Car insurance question?

I currently have my car insurance through State Farm but I am switching to 21st century. Does State Farm charge a month in advance? I looked at my account online and it says that I was billed May 10th and the money will be taken out on May 25th. Also, I do the reoccurring payments, they take out my payment every month. Will I have to make a payment on the 25th even though I'm cancelling on the 20th? I'm going to call my local agent when they open, I just want to hear other peoples experiences with cancelling their insurance. thanks!""

How much is insurance for a 2008 Nissan GTR?

I want to buy a 2008 GTR but I want to now how much car insurance would cost before I buy it. Ive hear that it costs A LOT per year.

Which insurance company should I chose? Which one is better State Farm or Liberty Mutual? ?

Which insurance company should I choose Liberty Mutual or State Farm? It's mostly concerning claim payouts and handling.

Whats the best insurance company for a young driver?

just passed my driving test and was wondering what the cheapest insurance company for young drivers is?

Auto insurance in florida?

okay heard a rumor that as of october 2007 NO auto insurance is required in the state of florida.... anyone else heard of this ?

Will my car insurance cover me?

I live at home with my mom. I am also married. I am only staying here temporarily, but will always use her address as my permanent address(military). I need to borrow her car, but she said my insurance won't cover me. Does anyone know if this is true? I have a separate insurance policy for my husband and I and our vehicle.""

Can I tax my car without insurance?

My car is Sorn at the moment and I wanted to he it taxed and mot so that I can drive it if I need to. I was going to just buy one day or weekend insurance when I need it. Is this possible or will I need proper insurance in place?

Will my insurance company notify the DMV with proof of insurance?

I recently got my vehicle suspended because I haven't been using it or paying for insurance since the school break started, but now that school is starting up I have paid for insurance and paid the fee the DMV asked for, to get my vehicle back in. The DMV is still asking for proof of insurance, but won't my insurance company notify them? I have Progressive and I live in CA. Thanks!""

HOW TO GET MY CAR INSURANCE DOWN PLZ!!?

Hi Ladies and Gents, im 24 yrs old and turn 25 in august and my dream is to get a car to help my mum and dad sadly im not the best with technology or bargain hunting im a little bit naive if im honest. Anyway i thought as this will be my first car my insurance would be quite high and i thought 1500 a year would be decent enough paying monthly. so i tried some insurance sites but best i could see was around 2700 and i thought wow thats shocking! i need help from you guys if you can spare a moment please thanks, i dont need anything fancy just an A to B car to help mum and dad with life and me get to work ofcourse. I decided to start my lessons and drive an automatic car starting end of this month at payday! so ive listed some details below that i think you can help me to get a cheaper deal, thank you guys very much for being kind. ok... my car will be a cheap one maybe 1000 2nd hand automatic civic,corsa or something pref 3 door 1.4L is fine also i seen some on auto trader. annual miles 10k SD&P<<im sure thats rite social and work? fully comp i may hang off till i turn 25 if my insurance will go down and also i thought a little about going on someone elses insurance (my aunt has a mobility car for my mum) or adding someone to mine? not sure? also my sister and her BF have a car but im a little scared to ask them haha! so can anyone please help me get a cheap quote thanks a million,!""

What is the best rated and least expensive car insurance for a female age 19 with a clean driving record ?t?

The car is an SUV 94 ford astro van in California.Know that only need collision coverage...Thanks for helping

Car insurance rental after an accident?

My car was totaled in an accident in which I was found zero percent at fault. An offer was made for the value of my car and the adjustor said they would end the payment of my car rental three days from the offer despite me not accepting the offer yet. I've had the rental for 2 weeks. Is that a good amount of time. My policy says a max of 30 days which would be about 4 weeks. Note: AAA Souther California Insurance

How much is a ticket for not having car insurance in California?

Freeway Insurance just called me and told me that my insurance was not paid last month and that it got cancelled. I could swear that I did pay and my bank overview says I did pay. This is the second time they call me to tell me that. I think those ****** bastard just want money. So I'm just wondering how much a ticket cost because I'm gathering money to open another policy but with another Insurance company.

Cost to insure 2013 honda civic si?

Cost to insure 2013 honda civic si?

Car Insurance policies for teenagers?

Im 16 and i wanna get a car. First what is the average cost for car insurance a month for a teenager. I know it varies among companies but i just want a reasonable number. Second, would it cost more for my parent to by car insurance for them and then add me to their policy or just get the insurance for me/""

Where can I find more information on Flood Insurance In CA?

There is large portion of the population that does not know much about flood insurance. Let alone what FEMA is doing to thousands of California Property owners. FEMA is re-mapping several communities within the state and every other state for that matter. Flood insurance is becoming a necessity and if your community is being affected, your property may be becoming a high risk flood zone. That means you have no choice but to purchase a policy. If you are concerned about these changes and how they affect you, then visit www.myfarmersagent.org. There you can obtain a flood zone determination and quote. We specialize in preferred rate policies and helping you grandfather your property to its current rating. Let me know if this helps anyone, I would hate to see anyone stuck with a high risk flood insurance rate.""

How much would insurance be for a 1999 Ford ZX2 Escort?

I'm 17, a boy, and I live in maryland just 5 miles from DC. Im getting my first car next saturday and its gonna be a Black 1999 Ford ZX2 Escort. How much can I expect to pay for insurance? I have a clean driving record. Also, my parents dont have car insurance so they have to start a separate account for me. Thanks!""

quick insurance quote

quick insurance quote

Car Stolen with Keys - Insurance Claim Issue?

Hey guys need some help My partners car was stolen last night and we have just noticed this morning The keys to said car was in another car (within a handbag) parked beside the stolen car what has happened is the car with handbag in it was broken in to, handbags were raided, found keys to the car beside and it was then driven off with What way will insurance see this? I know if the keys for car are left within that car and its stole most insurers dont pay out but what way might this situation pan out??? any advise greatly appreciated""

Can you get insurance on a scooter? And would it be cheaper than car insurance?

Can you get insurance on a scooter? And would it be cheaper than car insurance?

Do life insurance companies check your medical records after you die?

Let's say that you get life insurance and claim to be a non-smoker. Then let's say that you start smoking or resume smoking. Assuming that your medical records show that you ...show more

CAR INSURANCE FOR FEMALES?

CAN ANYONE SUGGEST CHEAP CAR INSURANCE COMPANIES

What is the best life insurance for a young person 22-35?

I want to be able to use it against my mortgage. Is it possible to get money from it and not have to pay it back after a while or something? And will that change my policy in anyway?

Life insurance question?

Heard an ad for a life insurance policy never heard before. It said if you do not die in a time frame not known, than your will get your money back. Is this the same as all policies that build a cash value simply worded differently or is there a new product on the market? If you care to speculate, then might health care insurance reform lead to such a policy being offered. Death is a bit more certain than needing health care.""

What is the average motorcycle insurance cost for an over 30s on a 125cc with cbt?

What is the average motorcycle insurance cost for an over 30s on a 125cc with cbt?

16 years old looking for car insurance?

I live in miami florida and i plan to get a pontiac Solstice. I want to know how much car insurance will cost per month. My mom has statefarm and her credit history is good but i have no credit history. how much will it cost on average?

Car insurance rates go up after accident?

Ok, so this is really stupid in my mind. But I got rear ended the other day, and it was obviously the lady's fault since I was waiting at the stop light and she hit me. Anyways, the damage was minor. There was a hole from her screw/bolt that held her front license plate and part of my rear light got cracked. Anyways, she offered to pay us 350 after we got 2 estimates saying it would cost around 700 to paint by bumper and replace the light. she and I were fine with that since my bumper already had noticeable scratches on the side and her damage wasn't that major. But my dad (I'm 19) wanted her to pay 400 or tell her to report it to her insurance. So I thought this was ridiculous since he would have pocketed the 400 instead of fix it (like I said, it was a small hole in the bumper...).So now, I am worried that my insurance will go up. I am a college student, a guy, and a teenager which I feel like would raise my rates, a lot, but he reassures me that our rates won't go up since the lady's insurance will pay for it and that we arent claiming our insurance. So what happens now in the insurance process? All I know is that she has to call her insurance and they send an adjuster to assess the cost of the damages made to our car. Do we have to report it anytime to our insurance company? If not, is there a chance that our insurance company will find out and raise our rates?""

""Young adult, no health insurance, I need help!?""

I am going to make this simple as possible: During this year, Jan to March, I have been on my parent's insurance, NJ FamilyCare, which we were enrolled under free-care because we were horribly under the poverty line, or above it? We're poor, that's it. And on April 1st, I was terminated from my insurance, they are saying I am 19 years of age, thus I have no insurance. Late August we (as a family) re-applied with all our names, and sent the papers in. But with a lot of research, I knew I shouldn't have been, under the Affordable Care Act I should have been on my parent's insurance until the age of 26. I meet the requirements: 1. Dependent Adult (19 years old) 2. Full - time student, no college insurance. 3. No insurance for 6 months now. 4. Not employed. I know for a fact, that being a full-time student, and being unemployed, shouldn't affect this, but maybe it is? I talked to a representative from the welfare office, (where my parents applied) and the lady (rudely) told me that because I am 19, and in school, I was terminated. And my social worker won't be done looking at the papers until late November. WTF? That doesn't make sense, so I kept the battle on, and told her that I should be covered under the law. But after some bullsh*tting around, she hung up on me. So I called again. And this time, another lady was saying, her son who is 20 years old, is insured under her insurance, and that I should come in with my parents, and tell our social worker that I am a full time student, who can't afford to be employed, (because of my 21 credit semester), I am dependent, and I have no job. I was like, well, it's not like I don't want a job, I just can't find the time to have one. I used to work 12 hour shifts, so don't think I don't like to work. The main reason I need the insurance, is because of my ADHD and Mania. I also always get sick, and have kidney problems. But with this, I still can't imagine why I was terminated. The lady told me I shouldn't have been under the law, but different people have different ideas... So, I will go to my social worker on the Tuesday, and find out what's happening. But I know I should be covered, and at least for my sake until I am 23-24. To which I plan to graduate and get my own insurance, and home. But if it doesn't work out, what other low-payment options are there? I heard about NJ Protect, but it's expensive on my part, and no way can I burden my parents with out-of-pocket payments. Thanks in advance.""

Functions of life insurance?

what is the functions of life insurance

How will my insurance premiums be affected?

I got into a minor fender bender. No scratch on either car but the person I hit (I rear-ended them) is claiming that I caused their airbag light to go on. Now they are going through the insurance process and it is not known yet whether they will claim against their own insurance company or go through mine. How do you think my insurance premium will be affected by this? Thanks for your help.

Is insurance required in north carolina?

if one had a car registered in georgia, he decided to pass through NORTH CAROLINA, the insurance expired, he gets pulled over. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?""

Will my insurance cover my newborn?

Ok right now i have Gateway, (I know, not the best insurance) my fiancee does not have insurance threw his job, but will my insurance cover my babys when she is born in September? Or how do i go about getting it?""

Motorcycle Insurance..?? Who is really reasonable1st Time Rider?

I've search and request several quotes for motorcycle insurance from the more well know insurance companies, but there all estimate $200 to $215 per month.. and I have my ryders liences.. Does anybody have any suggestionsggesions for better deals. Somebody hit me up>> thanks""

Has anyone driven past a police car without car insurance?

I've read on the internet and asked questions here on Yahoo about people driving without car insurance. The majority have said that police cars have a scanning system that automatically checks cars that goes by for MOT, tax and car insurance. I am wondering if anyone has recent experience of driving without car insurance past police cars and have anything happen to them? Have the police cars picked up that you have no insurance? I have car insurance by the way, i am just curious.""

What would my car insurance cost if..?(IMPORTANT)?

I'm a teen driver, and ill be 16 years old when i get my license. i'm a 3.0 + gpa or higher student and have had no issues with the law.i drive a 1997 mazda protege with a clean title (idk if that helps)""

What will happen if I don't sign up for covered california health insurance?

I live in ca, I don't have healthcare and I am eligible for covered ca health insurance. What will happen if I don't sign up for it? Do I have too? Will I get in trouble if I don't?""

How much does it cost to own a car right now?

looking at a 1.5cc car costing abt 13k....how much will i have to pay a mnth for the car including insurance, parking etc?""

Looking For Auto Insurance?

Im needing help looking for auto insurance. I just got dropped from my fathers insurance company due to the fact that ive had 2 accidents and three speeding tickets in the last three years time. Yes i know thats bad and im not looking for the smart comments i just really need help with any insurance companies that anyone knows of that will consider covering me. Thanks so much for your time.

Lowest insurance rates?

Lowest insurance rates?

Transferring insurance license from California to New York?

Does anyone know about this? Do the states have reciprocity? I searched Google/official sites but couldn't find anything. Thanks in advance.

Car insurance question.?

I was involved in an accident recently. The other driver ran a red light and totaled my car. There were no witnesses or cameras. The other driver claims that I was the one who ran the red light. This is not true. The police report was finished today and it came back in my favor. I only have liability insurance so I am waiting to hear from the other driver's insurance company on whether or not they are going cover the cost of replacing my car. Do you experts think they will cover my full costs? Thanks, Eric""

How would I get insurance on a car being leased in someone else's name?

My sister and brother in law have the car financed at a bank in a small town. They gave the car to me as long as I made the payments on the car. We don't intend to refinance the car into my name, however how would I be able to obtain auto insurance if my name is not on the original title?""

How does car insurance work?

so how does car insurance really work? im 16 and just got my license my parent's already have insurance on the cars and i plan on driving those cars, but why would i need insurance when those cars are already insured?""

quick insurance quote

quick insurance quote

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/haskell-oklahoma-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-74436-teddy-george/"

[adambstingus]

Women aren’t getting many jobs directing commercials, either

Alma Har’el attends “LoveTrue” 2016 Tribeca Film Festival.

Image: FILMMAGIC ADELA LOCONTE/FILMMAGIC

LOS ANGELES While the media closely monitors the percentage of women directing hundreds of movies and TV shows, the advertising industry where many directors get their start quietly churns out commercials by the thousands.

Though a huge swath of ads target female consumers, guess what? Women are calling the shots on these projects roughly as often as they are in Hollywood. Which is to say, hardly at all.

SEE ALSO: Women of Sundance: What indies can teach Hollywood about equality

Only 9.7 percent of rostered directors on the AdAge Production Company A-List are women

Only 9.7 percent of rostered directors on the AdAge Production Company A-List are women.

Though measured from different criteria, that number is still in line with the 9 percentof the top 250 grossing films of 2015 directed by women, according to the latest Celluloid Ceiling study from San Diego States Center for the Study of Women in Television and Film (the numbers are just slightly higher for broadcast, cable and streaming TV).

A female commercials director whowished to remain anonymous so as not to negatively impact her career originally began compiling the list and brought it to the attention of Mashable, which vetted its sourcing and conclusions, company by company.

There is no existing dataset to determine whether that 10 percent is even getting hired.Many in the industry think it’s significantly less.

Im surprised that [rostered women] is that high, Sasha Markova, creative director at Mother and the woman who assigned its Stella Artois campaign to Alma Harel (below) the first woman to direct for that company told Mashable. I thought it was 7 percent, [so this] feels like its growing. I might be taking a ridiculously optimistic view at a bad statistic.

The dearth of women directors in the film and television industry hit an inflection point more than a year ago whenMaria Giese complained to the American Civil Liberties Union about gender bias, and the Equal Employment Opportunity Organization (EEOO)began its (not publicly acknowledged) investigation into the hiring practices of the studiosystem.

Madison Avenue is not Hollywood but it’s close

The commercials industry is set up so that directors get signed by production companies and put on a roster, where they’re pitched to the brandagencies who eventually give them hundreds of thousands of dollars to shoot a 30-secondspot. In that way, the production companies serve as the directors’ agents.

“Theres no denying the imbalance between male and female directors working today,says Oliver Fuselier, the managing partner of Tool, among Ad Ages top 27 where 16percent of the roster is women,including J.J. Adler whos broken the mold along with Harel and done high-profile spots.(According to Mashable’s dive into the data, the top hirers ofwomen from the Ad Age list are Believe Media at 30%, Somesuch at 29% and m ss ng p eces at 26%.)

It’s a problem that everyone in our industry needs to address and solve,” Fuselier said. “Until thathappens,we’re doing ourselves a major disservice by not tapping into the talent of somany female creative visionaries. [Then] the diversity ofaroster is finite,and so istheability to deliver innovative ideas.

Mashable reached out to each of the 38 companies for the chance to comment; nine responded. Of those, many were eager to connect Mashable with womenin the industry whowant to see those numbers change.

“There is nothing covert about the discrimination of women when you see the numbers,” Harel told Mashable. “It’s obvious that there is a gender superiority complex not to mention a racial superiority complex when you see who gets the jobs as well as who commissions them. It’s mostly white men giving jobs to other white men.”

Alma Harel directing a commercial spot

Image: Courtesy of Mother

And now, a word from our commercials industry

At this years Association of Independent Commercial Producers (AICP) Week,held the beginning of this month, the board had its very first panel on diversity and onlyrecently allocated funds to the Commercial Directors Diversity Program.

As far as anyone knows, says Kate Oppenheim, the executive producer and partner atm ss ng pe ces, who curated and moderated the panel, it was the first time there has beena public conversation about diversity and commercial directors.

The information has been hiding in plain sight, but hasn’t been widely discussed, since directing a commercial doesn’t have the same cache as directing a feature film or TV series. But a commercial directing credit can go a long way toward getting those jobs.

“I started to notice that I was almost always the only woman in the room,” Har’el said. “I never really identified as a woman or as a foreigner, I truly believed I’m not those things because I’m something else that’s deeper so why associate myself with any of these identities. But after seeing sets that were 95% men, it became clear to me that there’s a fight that needs to take place. That the numbers don’t lie.”

Client feedback firm Filestage recently published its list of the 50 best commercials directors in the world. Only one is a woman Lauren Greenfield at No. 38, who directed an award-winning campaign for Always called “Like a Girl.”

Greenfields work is indicative of another facet of the industry that pigeonholes women: They are often hiredfor feminine hygiene, beauty and fashion brands. If theyre lucky enough to get hired in the first place.

Harel was the first woman ever to direct a commercial for Stella Artois in the Belgian beer’s morethan 20 years of advertising again, hers was a story about a woman, albeit not one putting on makeup or picking out tampons and she was the firstwoman to do a campaign for Facebook, AirBnB and Uber.

She says the self-perpetuating discrimination makes it a challenge to pull up other women in the industry but that she’s committed to doing just that.

“I moved to a commercial company that’s owned by a woman, I committed my producer to hiring 30-50% women on our sets. That’s been very challenging for him since so many women don’t have the experience that gets them approved with the advertising agencies because they’re been discriminated [against] for so long.”

Have something to add to this story? Share it in the comments.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/women-arent-getting-many-jobs-directing-commercials-either/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/172433971137

[somedaypast-thesunset]

i did not need his negativity yesterday nor did i have the mental strength to not be affected by it. 

he seems to have a rose colored view on his past friends who have lived even more passively than i have while doing hard drugs, drinking and having sex with so many partners that diseases are spread among them. but yet i’m told i’m just a welfare case, that i should just get over it, try harder etc. but there is never ever an admission that perhaps the troubles ive had in life directly relate to the struggles i still have now. 

“well her mother was crazy so she had to leave at 15 and take care of herself”

??? my mother was crazy and my father was sick and i had to take care of myself and him. without giving into the temptation of an easy escape through literal hallucinations. i am better than everyone who did give into the temptation. my will is stronger. sorry. that might bother him because he is a drug user. and he wans to convince me that my weed smoking is comparable to people shooting drugs. and it simply is not in any way. i am a functioning member of society in so much that i do not have a drug den, i do not have needles around, i do not have any long term physial effects of drug use im just a fucking stoner. just like people who HAVE to buy starbucks everyday. theyre just basic bitches. theyre not coffee addicts. and he trappe the conversation - all addicts say this. but i am making a choice and it would be incredibly easy for me to make other choices if i felt they were worth it in my depression. i am ADDICTED to DEPRESSION. i do not control that addiction and it is harmful to people around me and myself.

me smoking a joint is not. me smoking a joint is only beneifical to not only myself but the people around me. i am alive today right now because i smoke weed. THAT is how i am “strong”. 

it didnt matter though. i was already spiraling and wanted to go home but knew i couldnt because it was cold and almost midnight and i didnt even have proper boots and the weight of my entire life and being began crushing me. 

these are panic attacks. these are not attacks which can be seen as the typical display of it but not everyone will hyperventilate into a paper bag. my parents called it an asthma attack because i wasnt breathing right. i wasnt allowed to act out. if i acted out my mother attacked me in such severe ways that i trained myself not to react to anything. but you cant do hthis you cant just be a robot forever your emotions will operate whether you acknowlege them or not.

so it builds. and during the build up which always happens the same way my thoughts are spiraling. if someone latches on to a brief idea of the issues im battling inside, it now solidified the thought and i start to panic. it wasnt being called a drug addict. it was the fact that im constantly put on the bottom of the list for like existing human beings. no one ever goes, ‘well you had to take care of your father’. i dont get that. why? am i not blonde and cute enough? did i not suck enough dick? should i have done drugs and been more pathetic? why is it that everyone else gets a ‘well this and this happened tot hem so is understandable’. for me it’s literally well you cant focus on your past you just gotta move on. it’s not fair, it’s frustrating and when it comes from the only person even giving you any sort of love at that moment in time, it feels trapping. deal with this or have nothing. 

i cannot explain this though. it starts here and by the time i’ve freaked out so hard i cant even communicate the intricacies of these thoughts. i’m now totally overwhelmed and i want to scratch out my eyes and tear out my hair and i’m sobbing so hard i cannot breathe. 

i told him he outright had to help me because he did not listen to my warnings that what he was saying was bothering me. because i told him i didn need that negativity right now and i didn’t nee him focusing on being a  “drug addict” because i dont spend my rent money on shooting drugs. i dontand thats not part of my problem. it’s just a matter of opinion regarding marijuana. period. my opinion differs greatly and i advocate for the VERY PROVEN medical benefits of it. not just “its been shown K helps depression”. so does lsd. so did lsd. so much so that people dosed other people unknowingly to try and “help” them becuase they thought lsd “helped them” and “opened their mind”. but shold you do LSD everyday? no. i really dont think you should. can you ingest something that has minimal effects on a normally healthy person with no pre desposition to mental health issues everday? yes. cancer patients smoke weed because of its legitimate medical benefits. they should not be k-holing. thats not the appropriate way to deal with cancer. nor does it help any of the issues of cancer except moderate pain relief and slight alleviaton of mental pain if you dont put yourself into a k-hole. 

i can smoke 4 grams of weed and not die. i can smoke 4 grams of weed everyday for the next week and have no side effects except not even getting stoned anymore. i wont have to go to the hospital for “exhaustion”. i wont have spent my time at clubs or raves. i probably spent a lot of money on food. i will have no track marks or prolems with my nasal cavity and depending on how i smoke the weed, if i vape it - i may not even have lung problems. and in those days of smoking 4 grams i will STILL DO PRODUCTIVE ACTIVITIES and not just lay around wondering when i’ll get high again. 

so to put me with heroin users is wrong and a surprisingly antiquated view. but i cannot explain all of this and maybe he’ll still disagree but now i’m just in a position where a person who is supposd to love me is telling me im as bad as a heroin addict. i am not and that is not an excuse to not change - i can still change my habits but you have no idea what i wold be for someone like me to do that. he made an “effort” to help but he doesnt have the tools in him to actually help. he told me to think of skating because he wanted to take me skating. 

this morning as i was dropped off he asked if we were going skating. i said i guess and he said no more “i guess” i had to make a solid decision for what iiii wanted to do. and i guess i appreciate that - acknowledging that his personality is not okay for someone like me in the state i am in. i explained to him that our mutual friend came to my place and spoke to the roommate for me and was very like... it was as good as having a medical therapist come and advocate on my behalf. it wasnt like a “you shouldnt do this this is bad” it was “the person you live with suffers from very serious mental issues which affects her daily life and there are reasons as to why she is avoiding confrontation or choosing to live with things that others consider unreasonable” and it was really very good. like not only did i feel like it helped bridge a gap but that someone legitimately felt like they wanted to advocate for me. i didnt ask her to do it. i just explained this is my life and she was like no this is not okay and you need assistance to overcome this hurdle so you can continue on to the next one. i really really appreciate that. no one advocates for me. 

i also made a doctors appt next week and that kind of alleviates some of he pressure i feel about dealing. i know i can now go talk to this person. and if i need to, i have a drive really to see him more often. our mutual friend also came in and casually asked for my razors. and that is something i also appreciate. i made avery large step by freely admitting a relapse. it wasnt like omg cry for help it was this is what occurred. period no discussion because you are not the person trained to deal with such maters of the psyche however as a human being you can acknowledge a crisis and offer assistance to he best of your own abilities. if you have the ability to say ‘hey do you mind if i take your razors with me to get them out of the house’ that is perfectly fine and good and helpful. 

he does not know i relapsed. he has continually said he has no judgement on what i choose to do but does not support it and will only ever advocate for stopping outright. which is totally fair but it compounds the severity. 

hes still trying though? last night he took time to have a moment of private affection and when i tol him about the door knob lock situation he immediately said he would buy one and just let him know. he then said we would “drink sake” tomorrow and added on the skating activity and these things were nice because there is rarely time put aside for just me in the “us”. i follow what he wants to do when he wants to do. i rarely ever ask to go somewhere and when i do i may be able to go but ill have to put up with mock fighting about it. but its not terrible. its not like im dragged to bars or baseball games. he decides we will go hiking and we do. we’ll go to this random thing an hour away and look at i and we do. and i get to exprience sooooo many things i would have never otherwise experienced if i was not with him. and this is why i remain with him. no one else has ever shown me this much of the actual world beyond the bubble i was trapped in. my ex did a decent job but we rarely did anything. like any activities at all. it would be a big deal to take a walk in the woods by our house. 

i’ve gotten to canoe and climb beautiful ontario landscapes. i’ve gotten to eat food from all over the world. ive been given nothing but useful or beautiful and sentimental and meaningful gifts. i have never been given something frivolous ust for the sake of gifts. i’ve been given flowers on more than one occasion. 

it’s really hard to come up with a complaint when i still get to do these wonderful things? like how can i be upset about hiking different parks? i think i’d want to do that anyways. so it’s nice i guess to have it acknowledged this morning that i had the freedom to choose. we did not have to skate and i didnt have to do it because he offered. 

i kind of wanted to though. i think he knew also last night’s dinner with his family friends was just super awkward for me and woul be for literally anyone not related to them. it’s amazing how well they can make someone feel like an outsider while simultaneously telling them they’re “apart of the family”. that wasnt really his fault though. or maybe it s. i dont know. those people sucked and it took forever to eat and i did not even say goodbye to them because literally two sentences were said to me during the night which were, “so you do work in x city or do you commute to another?” and “are you flying out to see him when hes living out west?”  both of which are questions that should never be asked. just period. i mean theyre reasonable questions but to ask them to me results in really awkward answers. like “~ im an artist.” to which she asked, “where” - bitch everywhere. i am a fucking artist of life. and of course its not within my parameters to explain - well you know i’m fucking pretty mentally ill so i’m generally unemployed and collect social assistance hbu. its not like i can outright lie either as the two people who do know my life are sitting there too. and its shitty in some ways that these eople are close tot hem and i am at their house everyday and never once has it been explained that this is in fact his girlfriend, this is what she does and why she is the way she is etc. lie most people would get a “this is ashley, she works at shoppers drug mart and shes a great mom”. but since i have none of this i am nothing to them 

i am also very open about my struggles and where i came from in most situations. this is going to define my interaction with you and you should know that i’m aware of it an am working on it everyday. i am a very self aware empathetic person and i know that becaue of my unusual life i may cause unintentional offense or harm or burden someone in a way that i would not mean to if i understood differently or had a different journey. and everyone has their own journey but it’s a bit like a soldier coming back from war and it’s not on us to judge the severity of harm their journey caused them because we dont know. if theyre so encumbered by the thoughts of death they saw and were apart of it while others are not - we still need to respect the severity ad toll it tok on those individuals. and in no way do they want to be affected by this. theyre not choosing to take it home with them. but it now shapes everything they ever do and being a military person now defines you. it is apart of your definition and character. 

it woul not be appropriate to xplain this to the wasps who think theyre daughter had it rough because she coudnt talk of her prividledge life to stuggling immigrants working to survive while she worked for 2 weeks for extra spending money when she went on her vacation to australia. and it’s ironic of course - i’m now offended by him and i was concerned for offending them; well i was. but then i gave up because i didnt give a shit about them and i didnt think they were actually good members of society. i thought maybe they were “good” fathers or mothers. maybe decent employees. but like a real active good member of society who is bringing a positive vibe to the world? no. i really dont think so. and i have mt people i believe do this. people who i also see really negative traits in as well. theyre not perfect but “good people of society” like working an seeing the whole of society - every part of it as an equal and good thing. maybe theyre bad mothers or fathers though. or maybe not great. i wouldnt say bad. but maybe not great, definitely could be better parents. but they atleast will instill their values, hopefully, into their children who will also be good people of society. i am currently in daily contact with atleast three people who were raised by shitty people of society. people who cared only for heir own exprience and saw everything else as an outside. they now gave that quality to their children. “good mother”. shitty person. 

its up to the people in my support system to advocate for me. honestly.