#im kinda thankful that's not our reality lol

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

saw some speculation on FranklyDear in relation to the audios and i want to toss my two cents in

so all the thing's i've been seeing have been people talking about how they're a couple, but they're not acting like it, so that must be Playfellow's influence making them put distance between each other

but i immediately interpreted it as - they're not there yet. there might be feelings, but they aren't Together. cause in the 14 bug audios, i feel like it's pretty clear that these are snapshots of the neighborhood outside of the show. cameras aren't rolling, there are no influences, it's the neighbors just Existing on their own dime

'cause the conversations are more natural! the characters seem more nuanced! there aren't any sound effects! so if FranklyDear is already established, wouldn't we have "seen" that in their shared audio 8-14? wouldn't Eddie have just called Frank Frank, without the immediate (and somewhat flustered) correction to Mr. Frankly? and wouldn't Frank call him Eddie instead of Mr. Dear? plus, idk about y'all, but that scene was a lil romantically charged. a little flirty - especially from Frank's side. the kind of tension you get from budding emotions, not fully-realized ones

they just seem to be in a before state. the beginning stages. and anyway, i remember Clown saying that revealing FranklyDear as an endgame couple was sort of an Accident? i think we were meant to watch it evolve and figure it out along with the characters, the way we will with any other relationships (that we Definitely are not aware of / confident about yet).

we're still only in the prologue of the story, so it'd make so much sense if Frank and Eddie are not yet Involved. we're on this journey With them

[lixxpix]

our lost love - h.hj

genre: angst, break-up

tw: lots and lots and lots of angst, kinda sad ending:<

synopsis: "this is the end, isn't it?" you asked, the both of you tangled up in bed with your fingers interlocked. a bittersweet smile rested on your lips, yet your eyes were brimming with tears and unspoken grievances. "i'm sorry."

author's note: this was so sad but i got randomly inspired out of nowhere lol>< reblogs and likes r appreciated!

you could feel hyunjin slipping away from you, through the cracks of your fingers. and you tried, you really did. grasping and trying to hold on desperately to his hands as he slipped out of your grasp. out of your world. he would never acknowledge it, of course. he would never want to hurt you. he loved you, but wasn't in love with you. but you, ever the observer, could see the way his eyes gazed upon you with fondness but had lost their sparkle reserved for only you in the past. you could sense him closing up, dropping a quick peck on your forehead when he came home with a 'hi baby.' but it was never like the affectionate, loving kiss he always gave you in the past, taking his time to talk about his day and cuddle with you, never the deep conversations you two would have until 2am in the morning. you used to envision a future with him, a quiet family with one or two kids and a happy life, but deep down you knew that dream would probably never come to fruition. and it hurt. so, so, bad. countless hours spent sniffling into the pillow as you grieved for the inevitable loss of your love, your muse for the past 3 years. but for now, you would cling onto the last moments as if they were your lifeline, and wait until that fateful day when your nightmare would morph with reality.

hwang hyunjin knew he was falling out of love. he loved you, as a companion. the kind of person he would want to grow old with, the kind that would stick by his side through the years. but his spark, his passion for you had died down, from a once burning fire to a flickering flame in the candlelight, a familiar and comforting warmth yet not warm enough to heat the room. he tried so hard to fall in love with you again. memorised your every detail, tried to take you out on dates. but each time, he never felt that passion reignite. he would always love you as a friend, a companion and partner. you brought a certain warmth into his life. but hyunjin was a fiery person. if you were water, he was fire. he couldn't live without passion, without the burning heat that threatened to consume him. hyunjin felt so, so guilty, each time he came back late to see you asleep on the couch after waiting for him, each time you gazed at him with so much love and adoration that he knew he couldn't give back. hyunjin knew he had fallen out of love, yet couldn't bring himself to break your heart and break the perfect life he had been living with you for the past three years. so he would wait until the day when he knew the time was right and inevitably have to leave, leaving in his wake behind two broken hearts.

"this is the end, isn't it?" you asked, the both of you tangled up in bed with your fingers interlocked. a bittersweet smile rested on your lips, yet your eyes were brimming with tears and unspoken grievances.

"im sorry." hyunjin could only muster those two words, his heart breaking when he finally saw you close your eyes with a sigh, a lone tear trickling down your face.

"i know, just... hold me one last time." you breathed, fingers grazing his cheek and your eyes searched the eyes of the man you had once loved. no, you still loved him.

a part of you always would, no matter who you were with in the future. one day, you would look back on all of this with a smile and thank him for the memories, the moments that made you who you were. one day, your heart would expand to fit for another that you loved, the love for hyunjin remaining in a small corner of your mind. you would leave a piece of the old you in his heart, and he would leave a piece of him in you, but as time would pass and so would you grow into a new person, the old you simply just a stepping stone into the new chapter of your life. the memories made with hyunjin would always be moments to look back upon fondly, smiling wistfully for the happiness you experienced with him. you would always love hwang hyunjin, you supposed. a person never forgets the people they had loved. if someone were to ask you if you had regretted those three years, you would reply without hesitation a definite 'no'.

"thank you for letting me love and live."

[bratshaws]

through the hourglass 211. brb x oc

a/n: sorry for the late post guys lol. im okay. personal stuff.(comments and reblogs are super welcome and encouraged!)

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: none uwu

goodness gracious (pls read this one to know more what this fic is about!!)

chapter

1/

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-

“Is this the same bench?”

“Hm?”

Beatrice smiles, looking down at the bench they were sitting in, the same park, and she was sure it was the same spot they were at when they had their first kiss, "This is the same bench we kissed for the first time,Roos.” she says while holding her ice cream cup with one hand and Nicole with the other.

In reality, their little girl was seated peacefully between them, being fed tiny spoonfuls of frozen fruit - thank God for Mr.Scoops varied menu because they didn’t want to leave Nikki out in any way - every now and again. Rooster was leaning his elbow on the back of the bench, licking his lips as he reminisced, looking ahead with his eyes locked on the environment. “...it is.” he chuckles, “It’s really nice to look at.”

“It is…” she whispers, “I was so nervous that night,Roos.”

Rooster glanced at Beatrice, his eyes softening as he remembered "You were nervous?" he replied, a hint of amusement in his voice. "I was a wreck. I mean, I had been wanting to kiss you for so long, but I didn't want to mess it up or make things weird."

“You didn’t look nervous.” she replies, “In fact, you were amazing the whole night.” 

He pursed his lips in hopes to bite back his smile, then scratched the side of his jaw with his thumb, “...I just really liked you.” he confessed softly, dropping his eyes to his own chocolate ice cream, moving the pieces of cookie dough and sprinkles around his cup, “And you know I haven’t been in a relationship,a serious one, for a long time. I wanted you to be okay and have fun.”

Her smile widened, then she flicked her gaze towards Nicole, “Did you ever think we’d be here,right now, with a baby of our own?”

He brings the colorful plastic spoon to his mouth, licks the contents clean, then smacks his lips, “Yeah.” he chuckles, “I may have…been thinking about it. I told you about how I didn’t want to freak you out telling you about my many ideas and dreams,gorgeous.”

Beatrice laughs softly, then sighs through her nose, arching her brows as she closes her eyes, “It seems…like it was yesterday almost,I honestly don’t really feel like four years went by and that we are nearing our fifth.” she rubs the side of her cup with her thumb as she leans back on her seat, “...kinda crazy.”

“A little.”

“Would you do anything different?”

That caught him off guard a bit, so he leaned back on his side while Beatrice gave Nicole more of the frozen puree so she could have something to snack on while they talked. “...I probably would’ve worked on my game better.” he chuckles, “I did…spend too long looking at you and not moving forward while you worked.”

“I didn’t help it either,Roos.”

“Well,not really but you had your reasons.” he tilts his head at her, “But thinking again…I don’t think I’d change anything, honestly. I like how we worked together, I like how we got together…I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.” he explains while eating another spoonful, “Besides, you are worth it.”

Beatrice’s cheeks turn red, god he still made her feel like the very first time he talked to her. She was just mush in his hands, ‘...you are so sweet.”

Rooster's gaze was tender as he looked at Beatrice, his affection for her evident in his eyes. "You make it easy to be sweet, beautiful. You've brought so much happiness and love into my life. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world."

She huffs out an embarrassed laugh, then playfully swats his arm, “Stop.” she murmurs, only to look down at Nicole when their little girl was pushing herself off the bench, “Nikki, where are you going?” she didn’t reply, just tried to leap out of the bench but was prevented - thankfully- by Rooster picking her up and putting her on the ground.

“What’s the hurry?” he questions his toddler, who immediately points to the fountain not too far from them, “Oh, you never saw something like that, did you Nikki?”

“Aaa!”

“Hm…” he turns to Bea, picking Nicole up and holding her against his ribs, “I’m going to check it out with her quickly, will you be okay?”

Beatrice nods, “Yeah,it’s not that far,Roos.I’ll be fine.” she says, leaning up to meet his lips in a sweet kiss and following as they walked away from her but remained in her line of sight. Beatrice sighed quietly, closing her eyes, letting the breeze touch her skin as her husband’s deep voice got distant followed by Nicole’s soft replies.

She was at peace.

It was hard, the twins were still at the hospital, but she was at peace. Beatrice placed the ice cream aside to rub her arms up and down, smiling at the scene not too far from her. Her heart…felt heavy sometimes, she still had a bit of guilt inside of her as she thought about the twins in the hospital. It had been a challenging time, and she missed them terribly. But she also knew they were in good hands, receiving the care they needed.

While alone, she couldn’t help but look around the park,it wasn’t that empty but it wasn’t filled with people either, most of them were families from the movie theater…and…she squinted her eyes, leaning forward a bit, ‘...Marcus?”

Indeed, the fashion stylist was there, beautifully dressed in shades of purple and blue, looking like he clearly didn’t belong to that area, but he was approaching her. His smile widened as he opened his arms wide, “Daaarling!” he calls, speeding his steps, the heels of his boots clicking on the ground, “My sweet, sweet muse! What a lovely surprise!’

"Marcus! Hi!," she said, her voice carrying genuine warmth. "You,um…are here?" she didn’t mean to sound so shocked, but Marcus didn’t seem the type to suddenly wander into parks after sundown like this.

He air-kissed Beatrice on both cheeks, his cologne filling the air around them. "Oh, my dear, I couldn't resist the urge for a little fashion escape," he replied with a playful twinkle in his eyes. "And it seems I stumbled upon you, looking as radiant as ever. Tell me, how have you been?"

She chuckled at his effervescent energy. "I've been well, Marcus, thank you. Just enjoying a quiet afternoon with Rooster and Nicole, you know."

He clapped his hands together, his excitement bubbling over. "Ah, how delightful! And speaking of delightful, where are they?” the brunette pointed over his shoulder and he smiled, “Oh look at them, being cute, oh I adore it.” he then turns back to her, “I am so happy to see you here.”

“Oh?”

“Darling,” he splays his hands open, rings clicking together, “The last time we worked together was a-ma-zing. I always get compliments when we work alongside each other but my oh my, the last collection? It was incredible.”

Beatrice couldn’t help the warm burst of pride inside of her, holding her hands together in front of her navel as she smiles sweetly at Marcus, “Well,I love working with you so…” she shrugs, “I can say I feel the same.”

“Oh, you,” he flaps his hand, “You are so cute, but I am glad to see you again, you know why?” she shakes her head, “Well…"Because I have a little something I've been cooking up, and I thought you might be just the right person to bring it to life," Marcus continued with a sly grin, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

Beatrice blinked, not really surprised, “You know, your favoritism is showing, heavily,Marcus.”

“Good, you deserve it.” he says,waving his hand, ‘It’s still a project, but I was so inspired by your husband and the others who work with him that I thought: why don’t I do something based on the Navy?” Neither of them saw it, but the mention immediately made Rooster’s head snap towards them, but he remained with Nicole near the fountain, “Something that could…mix the best of both worlds.”

“...really?”

‘Yes!”

“...oh.” she didn’t know why that…suddenly made her feel warm all over, “It’s…I love that,I do, really. I…I just…” knowing Marcus he was going to make something for her that undoubtedly would make Rooster lose his mind, “Ahem,I mean…are you…what do you have so far?”

Marcus leaned in slightly, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial tone. "Well, darling, I'm still in the early stages, but I've been sketching out some ideas, playing with color palettes, and brainstorming how to capture the essence of everything.” he claps his hands, “It’s going to be fantastic,I might even ask Evelyn to join if she so wants, she hasn’t modeled for me in so long.”

"That sounds amazing, Marcus. I'm sure Evelyn will appreciate uh…if you talked to her about it, since she’s expecting a baby too.."

Marcus's eyes sparkled with excitement. "I'm so glad you think so, darling. And I know,I know, oh! Maybe that funny blonde friend of yours too!

“...Shells?”

“Yes!Oh I love her,” he moves his hands, “Chaotic energy.”

Makes total sense.

Beatrice couldn't help but smile, "Well,I can talk to her if you want.” she looked over Marcus’ shoulder just in time to see Rooster making his way back to the two of them, Nicole holding his neck, “And let her know? Would that be alright?”

Marcus beamed at the idea. "Oh, that would be fantastic, darling! I'm sure she'll bring her own unique charm to the collection. It's going to be a great collaboration, and having both of you on board will make it even more special." 

As Rooster approached, holding Nicole, Beatrice glanced at him with a smile before turning back to Marcus. "I'll talk to Shells and see if she's interested. And I'm sure Evelyn will love the idea too."

Rooster reached them, a curious look on his face. "Hey, what's all this excitement about?"

Beatrice turned to him, her smile radiant. "Marcus here is working on a fashion project inspired by the Navy, and he wants me and maybe Shells to be a part of it. Isn't that amazing?"

Rooster looked intrigued. "That does sound interesting. What outfits have you planned?" of course he’d ask that.

Marcus smiles, his rings clicking together as he plays with Nicole’s hand. "Oh, my dear Bradley, the outfits are still in the magical realm of my imagination at the moment," he replied with a theatrical flourish. "But rest assured, they will be something truly special, something…outstanding.."

Beatrice added, "Marcus is brainstorming and sketching right now, so the specifics are still in the works. But with his talent, I'm sure the designs will be stunning."

Rooster nodded, clearly intrigued. "Well, I'm excited to see what you come up with, Marcus. After all,” he flicks his gaze towards Bea, “You never disappointed us.” and his eyes drop down her body. Beatrice’s eyes widened and snapped those green irises to where Marcus was, but her husband just gave her an innocent look, “But you won’t do that soon, right? ‘Cause of the kids and all.”

Marcus blinked, “Kids?’ he looked over at Beatrice, “The twins are born already?”

Her eyes dropped guiltily but she managed to look up at Marcus, “They are preemies.” she whispers, leaning into Rooster when his hand touches her lower back, “They were born, um, a week ago.”

Marcus's eyes widened with surprise and concern. "Oh…darling, I had no idea. I'm so sorry to hear that. But I'm relieved to see you here, looking so wonderful."

Rooster gently rubbed Beatrice's back, his protective instincts kicking in. "Yeah, the twins are in the hospital, but it’s going well,right gorgeous?” she slowly looks up at her husband, then nods with a strained smile. Rooster could see how that conversation made her uncomfortable and while that wasn’t Marcus’ plan, he didn’t like seeing her like that.

Marcus's expression softened, and he reached out to touch Beatrice's hand in a comforting gesture. "My thoughts are with you both, and with the little ones. They're strong, they’ll be okay.” he gasps, “Oh my goodness,I must make their little outfits! Just like I did for Nicole.” the little girl in question looked at him when she heard her name, “Oh my,oh my! Darling, the work I must do!” 

"Thank you, Marcus… but you don’t have to do-"

“Ah,ah,ah!” he holds up his index finger, “No,no,I adore the two of you and your little family. Of course I will make something for your twins! You will be sure of it, darling! Does little Nikki need more? She sure has grown so much already.”

Beatrice smiled gratefully at Marcus's kindness. "Nikki's growing like a weed, that's for sure. And…well,we still have some of the stuff you gave us way back."

“...I’ll make some more.”

“Marcus-”

“Darling.Please,” he smiles sweetly, ‘You two deserve it, now.” he claps his hands,”I must take my leave, it was wonderful to see you three here, enjoying this lovely evening. But now,” he plops on his glasses and twirls his wrist, “I must go to my humble abode and enjoy the creativity within my veins.” he smirks at them,”But I will call you, darling. We must talk more.”

Marcus air-kissed Beatrice once more and then Rooster. "Ta-ta, darlings! Until we meet again!" He turned, his fashionable attire catching the evening sun, and headed off, the sound of his stylish boots fading away in the distance.

As they watched Marcus depart, Beatrice sighed contentedly, then arched her brows, “...he’s like a fashion godmother.” she whispers, “He just…shows up.”

“He does that when he’s needed.”Rooster adds, then looks down at her face, “...you okay?”

“Mhm.’

“You sure?”

She rubs the back of her neck, then reaches to grab Nicole from him so she could hug the baby close, her eyebrows crinkling, “...can we…go home now?” she didn’t want to ruin the night, but her anxiety was rising, “...if that’s okay?”

Rooster nodded understandingly, gently stroking Beatrice's back as he held Nicole. "Of course, gorgeous. We can head home. You don't have to worry about a thing." He could sense her unease, and he was always attuned to her feelings. “You want anything else?”

Beatrice sighed with relief, feeling comforted by Rooster's support. "Thanks, Roos. I just... I think I need some quiet time now?”

“Maybe some Golden Girls?” her little smile made his heart burst with joy. He pulls her closer to his side and kisses the top of her head, “I got you,gorgeous. Don’t you worry.” he whispers, “On the bright side,” he can’t believe he’s saying that, “You’ll visit the base in a few days, hm?”

Was he worried?

Yes.

Was he going to stop it?

No, because she was happy with that idea.

Beatrice nodded, "Golden Girls sounds perfect," she agreed with a small smile, finding solace in the thought of some familiar and lighthearted entertainment. His words about her upcoming visit to the base made her smile a bit brighter. "Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. And I think a change of scenery will do me good.”

‘Mhm,I think so too.” he says as he guides her to the car.

While she adjusts Nicole on her arms, she gives him a confused look, ‘...are you worried?”

“Me?” he snorts, “No.” but she can read him like an open book, so he sighs, “A little. I don’t want to be too overwhelming for you.” he says, “...I have an idea,why don’t we,” he gestures to the three of them, “Visit Evelyn tomorrow?”

“Oh?”

“She’s been around bases a lot more than you and she probably has some tips on what to do.” he smiles, “I’m sure she can help us both with that.”

[doodle-pops]

Hii mina mae-duh-whores anon here! Hope you are doing good! first of all,i saw that ask mina and if you were to actually write mgime related stuff, please id really go crazy!! i love your writing so much!!

Second of all to that anon, if you actually start writing silmarillion mgime i wanna be the first to read it!! id love to beta read or just brainstorm or plot with you if you're up for that kind of thing!!

Third, I've got a recommendation or two that no one really asked for haha. There aren't many silmarillion mgime fics so I thought I'd share the ones I've read on ao3 that I think you or your followers might like!

The first fic called, stardusts in our souls by Autumn_moonlight. its ecthelion x oc, it was last updated in July or something, but its such a fun read so far! the oc reads ecthellion the harry potter series and his reaction and eagerness to find out what happens next, its so cute!! I love when the modern girl shares technology or stories or songs from her world and seeing the characters' reaction to it is just so!!! Oh, there's also maeglin x oc smut in later chapters so there's that i suppose.

Second fic, it's called the knowing princess by Fantasticoncer. it's kinda long? The author still updates it I think, I haven't really finished it yet tbh lol. anyways main pov is basically female of x maedhros but it has got lots of other ocs x characters too, like fingon and mairon etc. it contains reincarnation and stuff, mc gets reincarnated as an elf in valinor along with her sisters from her own home reality.

Third is the Oialëa series by natelly

It's mcu/tolkien crossover fic, its kinda long I suppose, multiple books and many chapters etc but it's fun read, tbh I haven't this one either. its not exactly silmarillion events set but oc is kinda part of the kidnap fam, glorfindel's sister, and I've read spoilers that maedhros travels to mcu in second book or something so I thought I'd add it to the list? The first book which I've read is hobbit period set, btw its elrond x oc, and the oc is also doctor strange's daughter, and she also has powers and stuff. So yeah, if you love mcu and silmarillion hobbit lotr and mainly elrond, this fic is for you. Honestly I don't even like elrond that much, more into his sons lol, but still,, it was so interesting I ended up reading the first book! The oc is such a fun gen z mgime and i love her so much! The series is so well written too and there's even separate prequels and epilogue and fics written from other characters perspective and stuff too! In one of the books maedhros and oc also goes to therapy, haven't read that part but mae,, im so glad he got therapy, he really really needs that haha

I am doing better as I've resurfaced from my week disappearance 😁. Though, everything feels strange as though I've been gone for longer 😅.

Some recommendations for those who enjoy the Modern girl in Middle Earth troupe and for the anon who's in the process of creating a story for modern day reader. Thank you for assistance 💖

[creatively-cosmic]

What up, Starry—You already know who it is! B)

Sorry about Tumblr being a buggy mess and crashing halfway through! I’ve experienced the frustration of losing writing due to crashes and it always sucks. But thank you for continuing to answer these questions and satiate my curiosity! Learning more about Missing Numbers is like reading a book that just keeps getting better and better and better with every new chapter. Also: don’t worry about the delays or how long responding takes! You come first and foremost. Your health/work/school/whatever it is ya got going on in your personal life, is infinitely more important than me getting an answer to a question. So please, take your time, as much as you need—I will wait.

(Also, young Red being just as much of a little shit as Blue was is surprisingly wholesome and I love that. And after seeing their heights I realized I’m the same height as Blue! That detail is not important in the slightest, I just thought it was funny.)

Anywho, let’s get into the meat and potatoes, shall we?

First things first: Y’all mentioned biology mechanics and the nature of Glitches? 👀 Well, guess what? I love that kinda stuff! My curiosity is piqued—please explain.

Second question though: What is Leaf’s Duty? What does she do and how do her powers(?) work? Are her abilities like how the move Imprison was in Fallen Leaf?

And third: What’s the relationship/dynamic between Leaf and Red? That comic y’all posted has me wondering what Leaf is warning others about.

That’s all for now though! Please take care of yourself. Have a good day/afternoon/night!

Ahh, thank you so much for your patience! its really appreciated,, im glad youve still been enjoying things- your comments (and your FANART OH MY GOD??) have still been giving us LIFE i truly cannot thank you enough!

Red and Blue’s childhood friendship and rivalry has always been something we’ve wanted to come off as just plain silly and enjoyable- I’m glad we’ve been succeeding in that, hehe. And Blue was actually originally going to be shorter (our height, actually), we just added a few inches to be nicer to him lol

Per usual now, we’ll keep the big stuff under the cut! It’s another long one: Consider this Leaf Lore Part Two.

For the Glitch stuff, we’ve been thinking and might make a BIG formal post going over all of Professor Maple’s speculation and studies, to make it a good access point for the worldbuilding of Missing Numbers. I can’t promise it’ll come soon, but! As a starting point, I do have a pre-written thing with information on different classifications of Glitch that should clear up a good bit to start with. 

Unless we get any sudden further realizations, every Glitch, Corruption, and Anomaly in Missing Numbers (and arguably in Pokemon as a whole) can fall under these five classifications.

Leaf’s duty is the main aspect of what we failed to touch on in your previous question. So, I’ll finish that part of the story. :) 

To answer your questions, we first have to establish how she got her powers. When Leaf died, she did not get to rest peacefully. Most who die in this world don’t. The afterlife for the fallen and forgotten is not pretty. It is not merciful. There is no heaven for the ones who do not matter to God. 

The Distortion exists in layers. At it’s lowest, the farthest from contact with the main reality, is a void of unused, scrapped, and null data. A graveyard, or worse yet, a dump where things that can no longer exist in the surface world go to rot. Unused data. Scrapped NPCs. Removed characters, Pokemon, items. 

Assets of old games that never carried over.

Leaf's soul was discarded here when she was erased from existence at the end of Abandoned Loneliness. Left to rot with the unborn Ghosts that had haunted them both with the intent to drag someone of significance down with them. Hoping they too might escape. That they might receive mercy through her. 

Unfortunately, Leaf was the unloved child. So instead she fell to their ranks, swallowed up by the abyss that was their resting place- thrust as far from reality, from her home, from her friends, from her purpose as feasibly possible. Still conscious. Still aware. Still suffering.

… Leaf was not one to accept things lying down. Leaf was a fighter. She hated injustice, unfairness. She wouldn’t stand for this. She wouldn’t lie down and give up. No matter how suffocating the darkness was. No matter how the bloodied hands tried to drag her further down. No matter how the chaos and corruption tried to break and dismantle her. 

No. Matter. What.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And if there was one thing that defined Leaf even more than her bleeding heart, it was that her will was unbreakable.

So she climbed. Climbing over the damned- the forgotten- the spiteful- the vengeful- everything trying to hurt her and pull her down. Focused solely on escaping, on going up. Until things began to become more tangible. Until she could see more than black and red. Until there was light, and color. Until data became form- albeit still broken, chaotic. Numbers. Misplaced bricks. Impossible plants. Incomprehensible collision. 

Glitch City.

She broke through the floor of the second lowest layer of the Distortion, and though the surface’s light was still so far… She’d found solid footing. 

And here, though it may have been quieter… She wasn’t so alone.

The City had the odd few inhabitants. But the first that she met was a strangely familiar boy, a teenager that reminded her of someone she knew, but wrong. With a cocky, lopsided grin, unruly black hair, and bright red eyes. 

Someone who wanted out just as badly as she did.

Leaf and Red never knew each other outside of Glitch City. But during their time trapped there together as children, they were friends. Leaf wasn’t the first person Red befriended there… 

But she was significant. They were allies with a shared goal, after all, and if one of them could find a way out, they could get out together! They worked in tandem to find hope, grasp at an escape. Everything they could, as a possibility. They were friends, after all. Right?

Right?

… Leaf didn’t wholly trust Red. It wasn’t personal, but there were things that were risky. She could see the instability of corruption plaguing him, and she wanted to ensure her loved ones’ safety more than she wanted to escape. The greater picture was something that she could wrap her head around, even if it was hard to grasp.

Red was not the same. Laser focused on his goal and uncaring of the consequences, it was a factor that, over time, divided them more and more as Leaf realized the severity of Red’s condition, and began to think…

Maybe he was here for a reason. … Still, she tried to turn a blind eye. Let herself hope things weren’t that bad. 

The growing obviousness for his resentment towards Fire, though Red tried to hide it, didn’t help- her distrust towards him only grew, further clouded by her personal fears and dedication to protecting her loved ones.

And one day, while discussing a possible window for escape… She let a thought she’d been hiding slip. The final nail in the coffin.

Afraid for her brother’s life, and angry seeing how Red reveled in the idea of hurting him, she left him behind and didn’t look back.

From there, we aren’t sure of the exact details of how she escaped. But we know she had help on the surface- from someone a little too curious about the nature of the Anomalous, who was all too eager to free a willing entity. Professor Ace Maple (specializing in “anomalies”, and original to the Missing Numbers story!) helped free her soul. 

Of course, releasing a long-buried corrupted entity wouldn’t go unnoticed by the higher power that had put her there. But… It saw how careful she was. How she was now completely wary of all glitches. How she’d come to understand the dangers they posed to the world and the people in it.

So, the Almighty came to her in a Golden light. Extending an offer to her.

YOU CANNOT BE PERMITTED TO EXIST IN THIS WORLD AS YOU ARE.

THERE IS A REASON YOUR KIND WERE BURIED.

THIS WORLD IS ENDANGERED EVERY TIME CORRUPTION ESCAPES.

I MUST PRESERVE THE ORDER OF THIS REALITY.

BUT YOU, HEROINE, HAVE PROVEN TO BE SPECIAL.

I AM WILLING TO MAKE A COMPROMISE FOR YOU ALONE.

YOU KNOW THINGS I CANNOT PERMIT ANYONE TO KNOW.

YOU’VE SEEN THINGS I CANNOT PERMIT ANYONE TO SEE.

I CAN ALLOW YOU TO KEEP THESE MEMORIES, AND YOUR PRESENCE HERE, ON SIMPLE TERMS.

DO NOT SPEAK OF IT TO ANOTHER SOUL…

AND PUT THIS KNOWLEDGE TO USE.

YOUR SHACKLES WILL BE YOUR WEAPON. KNOWLEDGE. POWER. 

PROTECT MY WORLD. CLEANSE THE CORRUPTION. HOLD THEM BELOW.

YOU ALONE WILL SEE EVERYTHING, FOR YOU ALONE SHALL BE THE WARDEN.

BUT DO NOT FORGET WHERE YOU CAME FROM.

DO NOT FORSAKE ME.

… Of course she accepted the bargain. It was all beneficial in her eyes. Her complete freedom, and the ability to protect those she loved most in ways she never could have before. What happened in their childhood would never happen again now.

Thus, Leaf was blessed with her body yet again. Rightfully hers, and aged to grow with her. Though she’d never again be a Vessel, that was okay. She was something far greater now. 

The chains could Imprison any code they touched, and they were completely under her control. With these, she could fight and restrain any anomalies necessary. She was also given the one-of-a-kind ability to freely move between the Main world, and the Distortion… To ensure that no activity occurred in either that could allow the escape of something catastrophic.

Of course, things weren’t perfect. The world and the people in it had changed since she’d been gone. It had been years. People would be different.

Blue, for one. It was hard to face him again. Tensions never stopped being high between them. They both remembered, after all.

She mostly just cared about her brother, now. It took her a bit to find him, idle at the top of Mount Silver. 

It was heartbreaking to see the emptiness in his eyes. Him barely acknowledging her. The realization that he’d never… He’d never looked for her. Never tried to free her. 

Never even mourned. 

She still loved him. She always would. He was her family. He was the only one who’d been anything like her.

It was okay that he got everything she had. It was okay that he’d completely replaced her. It was okay that he now had everything she ever wanted. It was okay that he wasn’t the one who looked for, found, freed her, instead of a complete stranger. It was okay that when he spoke it was soulless and objective and only reminding her of her duties. it was okay. it was okay. 

It was okay that he didn’t care. 

It was okay that he was living the life she should’ve wanted DESERVED that he was destined to.

It was okay that she had to protect him. It was part of her duty, after all.

She wasn’t bitter. She wasn’t mad. She loved him.

… And then there was Red- “Glitchy,” as she now called him, unwilling to give him the name that belonged to her brother. He never did give up on her. He was PISSED, mind you, that somehow she had escaped and left him and the others stuck down there behind- but he still refused to back down.

They were enemies now, though. As he grew more restless- and more powerful, much to Leaf’s horror- his imprisonment became a direct responsibility of hers. And as Professor Maple grew more curious about glitches, unknowingly bringing him closer and closer to true freedom, even though she felt indebted to them, she had to resist their studies. Warn them of everything- especially him.

“I thought you hated injustice. Don’t you think this is unfair?”

Still, she had to face him often. And even in his madness, and even in chains, Red could speak so… Persuasively. 

“If you could escape, why shouldn’t I? You have the ability to free me.”

“And I know you’re hiding me from the others. Don’t they deserve to know?”

“You knew as a KID that Blue was looking for me. Doesn’t HE deserve it?”

“I think you know this isn’t the right thing to do.”

“You’re making a mistake.”

“But it’s okay. I’m not mad. I can be patient.”

“I’m sure you’ll come around.”

“After all, you’re just like me and you know it.”

[1eos]

hello ms kendra! first off just wanted to say i hope you're doing well and i love your blog theme. also that i hope only good things come to you and those you love 💗

i don't know if you feel comfortable sharing, so please don't worry if you don't want to answer, but how did you know you were a lesbian? sorry if this seems out of the blue ahfjfkal but i've been kind of questioning myself lately and i trust your thoughts and opinions and i was just... looking for some thoughts/feelings i guess? once again please don't feel pressured to answer. thank you for reading 💗 have a sexy day ms leos!

omg its not too much at all 😭😭😭 how i realized i was a lesbian was obvious in retrospect but i was surrounded by so much comphet i didnt realize it was an option until one day i was like ohhhhhhh i can just like women lol

anyways when i was a kid i felt a bit left out bc ive always been a girls girl and only rarely found boys worth hanging out with but when all my girl friends were starting to be boy crazy i just had. no interest. none at all. when i was in elementary school the one boy everyone liked he did nothing for me but i started to fantasize abt him liking me so all the GIRLS would like me 😭😭😭 like i said obvious

but it didnt click bc i had crushes on 2 guys. one was gay so 😶😂 LOL and for a while i was like so im not gay bc i liked 2 guys but then i realized those 'crushes' were just how i am with ppl i like and want to be friends with. this all encompassing desire to be with them 24/7. i didnt want to do anything w my friends i just wanted to but stuck on them and im the same way to this day just toned down (scorpio vedic moon)

and then i started having intense and tumultuous friendships with other girls who similarly didn't like boys at all. and i would be consumed in wanting to be with her all the time and got jealous. it was how i was w close friends but even more intense bc it tended to be mutual. YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES. like i was in a toxic lesbian not relationship in middle school looking back

and then in high school when my mom left me alone at home i would runnnnn to the dvd player and rewatch the sex scene in monster's ball bc halle berry was topless 😭😭😭 i was kinda obsessed w sex but again had NO interest in the men? and if boys approached me irl i would just be like 🧍🏾‍♀️ what the hell did u want. and i was learning that u can be other things than just straight so even tho i was fucking sneaking away at my grandma house (we didnt have internet at our house) to scroll thru playboy and look at pics of half-naked WOMEN bc i didn't want to be desired by men i was like 'ohhhh ok so im asexual'

I WAS SO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH but comphet was fucking beating my ass bruh. andddd in college i branched out started meeting more girls like me (black and gay) and i was like oh ok. so im NOT abnormal there are ppl like me. met more men still didnt want to do anything w them. met more girls i wanted to fucking build a house with after geeking out after dragon age once. anyways i got a girlfriend...sophomore year and magically turned from sexless nun to disgusting horny beast and also i met this very sexy butch girl who i wanted to [redacted] so bad and wouldve if not for girl code. and it finally clicked that girls just do it for me 😭😭😭😭severely. all the romance and sex things i was all ick abt fell into place bc i finally beat the comphet. ofc i found sex disgusting bc i didnt like men and it put alllllllllllllll previous relationships into perspective

so for me what helped was to just not try to force myself into any label or worry oh what if im actually this or that? i just lived my life liked who i liked and slowly the reality that i want girls to [redacted entry] me very nastily fell into place!

and thank you so muchhhhh wishing good things on you too. good things and clarity 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

[kisari]

rambling

kinda wild that so many completely harmless fetishes that are purely fantasy-based are seen as cringe and gross and therefore worse than things like p*doshit and in**st. people will argue to the death to not kinkshame until it's "cringe" and then suddenly its ok. bothers me so much because so many interesting conversations about paraphilia and the way our minds work when it relates to these things(especially with the minds tendency to sexualize phobias) are reduced to splitting them into "bad" and "good" not based on the ways its exerted under the real world and how it effects us and how we can then utilize it within a system to harm others to it just being like. lol cringe fetishes are bad!!! im not good at coherent thoughts but i have many and i hate seeing people refusing to acknowledge reality just because they'd have to examine themselves and thats too scary. also cannibalism is hard vore please just fucking accept that already. note: if its not clear im rambling about harmless or "weird" fetishes like vore, balloon animals, stuffed animals, piss, musk, etcetcetc and not p*doshit and the like thanks

[queermania]

i need to rewatch 14 and 15 bc i blew through it but my general feeling at the end of it was that there was a lot of groundwork done on dean genuinely being like wait a second, this isn't real. i have to fight for reality and actual control free of chuck bc that's the only way our lives are worth living. full blown trauma reactivity brain. and that creeping sense that things will be how they always were supposed to be, i dont think he EVER got over being brought back by john. ppl do all kinds of things when they realize they have absolutely no control over how their life or the lives of those around them turn out and he was wondering if ppl are even as "real" as he thought they were like. he explicitly says it doesn't matter how he Feels that episode. he said thank you to jack for sacrificing himself and that was fucked up but considering his state of mind it was actually incredible to me he even bothered with doing that, cause it's like he said: he FEELS but it doesn't matter! 15x17 dean was like his inception balcony moment, about to jump off the balcony convinced he was still in a dream and needed to do something drastic to wake up and everyone around him was leonardo dicaprio talking him down + sam was actually successful. but the whole thing felt so sympathetic to me that i was kinda baffled that ppl felt unity made dean look bad or ooc. but im kinda wondering if im forgetting important details in the haze....

oh that's actually a really interesting way to put it—that it's like he was trying to wake up. i just finished my re-visit of s13 and s14 and am on s15 now and while i've re-watched individual episodes since the first time i saw it, i haven't re-watched it as a whole so i'm very curious to see how i feel about the vibes. because the way i feel about the vibes of 13 and 14 now are not at all how i remember them while i was watching it lol

[baconlettucetomatoeggs]

lest reality may gaslight me...........

i admit there's this growing jealousy of mine when she talks about her escapades in coding. it kinda reminded me how little i know, when in fact i should know this.

now the semester's coming (yep i got enrolled, thank god) i did what most people do when they're dunno what the heck things would do: ask their nearest person

"so, honest question, do you think we're work-ready?" "i dont think so. why's that?" "if beginners nowadays can code RISC-V like it was nothing, what's left to us? sure we can say we studied this course for like 4 years but... isnt that a waste?" "i mean... yeah? i mean even the webdevs of our course were really cocky. no one even taught us AI. heck, our classmates are working on BPO. nothing wrong about it but it's such a waste of skill" (some context on the text above: the mate's specializing in AI. also some of us know webdev. at least we can deploy XAMPP and call it a day. others feel fancy with their javascripts. the second person also has a knack of wanting to make a RISC on their own. welp) and i'm still here being jealous with even seeing double colons on code, or even a simple coding example. i just cant do this anymore. it's filled with spite and i dunno where to channel that frustration: i need to learn this. but i cant. and i'm demotivated.

then she started planning on making a compiler.

we never had that kind of stuff in my course. so in confusion, i asked my mates who were studying outside of my cooleg

"hey y'all made compilers in your course?" "yeah." and idk what to say. i just wasted 4 years of my life. just. gone

"why didnt you take a course that has a license? i mean, with that entrance exam score you're set to every course" because i liked it here. but now it's just a lie.

and i wasted 4 years of my life here.

i remembered the Cult Leader (my prof, not really a cult leader but their messianic complex is HARD) said to us: "what's the use of learning low level? everything's done in web these days" as my mates and i were doing system calls on our devices.

and the worst of it all was the fact that my bff told me a real cold hard truth accidentally:

"hey did you know? your course is just a minor on this other engineering course"

lol i have no pride left in my what is essentially me, my hobby, my joy, my life. not only im dumb, but i know nothing

so, there are two options left for me:

just cry about it.

accept that everything is mediocre and you need to walk on your own, spite and all

while eating my lunch today, i told to myself i need a focused learning of all the things i wanna learn to. no i wont speak it beacause im afraid it wouldnt come to fruition

i wanna apologise to her tbh. not only she didnt know, i just dunno what she talks about 80% of the time. i like it when she's around, and i like it when she's eager on something. sorry ><

kinda disappointing that i'll go back on 4th year instead of 1st year. i definitely need that introductory class.

all i got in the end was... please dont tell your hobbies, because if you do you'll feel insecure about it when you find you dont hobbied hard enough

or maybe stuck myself reading philosophy books, whatever.

P.S.

so i asked myself wtf are we geared upon??? and welp it was obvious in hindsight, and in that one startup i worky on: it's all about building systems, the macro scale. hell we have prereqs for software engineering and another one for the Master's course

and while washing the dishes, i though like: COME ON, THAT'S EASY! IT'S EASY TO FOLLOW PARADIGMS AND JUST MIRROR IT AS IS! ANYONE CAN BUILD A MODULAR SYSTEM, OR EVEN A MONOLITHIC ONE, COME ON!!!!

sorta like the disconnect between businessmen talking about their plans 10 years (they always talk about this) vs friends planning a vacation 12 hours in advance. the first one dont need that much mental flex, only daydreaming.

...probably this is why the trend seems to be microservices, where they all struggle to keep their modularity in check. and now they removed the ethics board. they wanna think about futures, but not the present. may they rot in peace.

p.p.s

ok if you ask me what i wanna learn, it'll be HDL (verilog?) on the mondays, C/Rust on the tuesdays (cant decide. fuck it PSP time), RISC-V on the wednesdays, MIPS on the thursdays (fuck it PSP time), and friday's just Cebuano. saturday and sundays are for dumb time. cant decide how to tho. you can prolly do algorithms on any of those but that would be silly unless it's higher level i seriously wanna learn like functional languages, or languages near the theoretical side of things. we dont have the math touch in our hands and in fact we only have like 2 semesters of calculus.

this isnt prolly gonna be in fruition considering i laze around and dont have the will for anything than breathing and living

im kinda excited what shits will do in our embedded systems class. they said it's all arduino and stuff, why not go nuts? i guess.

there's 2 days of Neural Networks. no we wont build exotic stuff like GANs or something.

sigh. even with all this, i'm still dumb.

[imgloriaa]

Thanks for answering me❤️. For the CNCOWNER who wanted a time line I have one (not very accurate tho lol).

Last spring a few fans were saying that Zab was expecting a baby but the rumors were being said by so little people without any proof so it was very much unsure.

At some point after this the future baby mama (Talitha) posted a Instagram story video of herself watching Zab play basketbal (basically acknowledging that they knew eachother). Not sure how we found this Instagram story (probably because of Zab's tagged section or Instagram homepages) but anyways we had the knowledge now that she was a girl in Zab's life. And you know that if we know about a CNCO girly we like to keep tabs.

At this point neither had said anything about a pregnancy.

But then it happened.

Talitha posted her first pregancy picture (the one from birdseye view with black top, a top bun and exposed belly).

We started panicking a bit. Because the reality of a new CNCO baby got a bit realer. So we got to investigating.

She never mentioned Zab directly but people began asking her things in the comments under this picture and from a couple of her responses we figured out that:

- She was Italian and in Italy so visit family at the time of picture.

-That baby daddy was from Puerto Rico (this was a major hint).

-That baby daddy wanted to stay annonymous.

Still nothing from Zab.

Throughout the next months came a series of "Did Zab and his family members follow this girl" "Yes they do" "No they don't" "But she does follom them" "Oh not anymore" etc.

She also started posting Instagram story Q&A's of people asking her baby daddy stuff and her basically responding with m:

-"I'm not going to say who he is because he doesn't want me to"

-"We're not together"

-"He is not involved in the pregnancy/not supportive/he is not stepping up right now/he is a bad person" (something along these lines. basically shading him).

It wasn't until the day she gave birth that we got actual confirmation in the form of an Instagram story that a friend of her took of himself (yes a diff guy), a pregnant Talitha and Zabdiel at a desk checking into a place with the words "here we go" under it (or "it's time". Something along this line).

Not sure how we found this story. Either Talitha reposted it herself or the CNCOwner detectives found it.

A couple days later Talitha and Zab finally confirmed it with Instagram posts (obviously Talitha first🙄). Zab posted the reel.

It became clear to us in the next weeks that Zab didn't like Talitha (not perse dislike but just no interection). If I remember correctly than Talitha tried to shade him again (not sure about this second shade? but im sure about the first shade back when she was peggo lol).

Shit definetly got suspicious when she recently(ish) posted on instagram asking for place to stay with Luz because her apartment needed to be fixed or something (we thought it was strange that her "babydaddy" Zab wouldn't offer en let "his daughter" stay with him).

Then came our relief.

Zab posted a video of him explaining that Luz apparently wasn't his (idk why but I'm kinda proud to be one of the first in the fandom to have seen this video. Lol that was just pure because of time difference I guess). And at the same time Talitha posted a story tagging this video and "explaining" her side.

That is basically it for all we know about this mad rollercoaster. Please feel free to add anything if i forgot anything :)

talitha didn’t repost the story at the hospital check in desk, we found out because she was hanging out with this guy (who’s a gay friend of her from italy that visited her before the birth i guess to see the birth of luz) and we were just stalking him lmao

anyway the rest it’s so on point and correct, thank you! if you search up talitha on my profile you might find the translation of the time she shaded zabdiel in january 👀

[firewoodfigs]

some quick life updates before i yeet myself off to bed and trick my body into a regular sleep cycle: 

bali was great!!! i miss it terribly already. the people were lovely and the beaches were lovely and it was just nice to finally get away from this claustrophobic island of a country after nearly three!!! miserable!!! years!!! it was low-key exhausting because we fit so much into four days - we literally woke up at six in the morning on the third day to take a ferry to nusa penida (me, plagued by motion sickness: dear Lord take this cup away from me) and then did stuff like hike a ton in the tropical blistering heat and snorkel in ridiculously choppy waters. fun fact: I actually can’t swim so LMAO but well *shrugs* here I am... I say this calmly but in reality I was choking on seawater and yelling at my bf HAHAHAHA 

coming back home was super stressful because 4/9 of us who went on the trip got covid lol. I was fretting so hard on the flight home bcs my bf was shivering and breaking out in cold sweat from a fever that just came out of nowhere and the plane did not have BLANKETS because it was a transit flight. what. anyways when we landed and checked our phones one of our friends was like, “fuck, I’m positive”, and we were like, fuuuuuck. I was so sure we got it because all 9 of us shared a burger the night before, so we self-isolated for a few days just to be safe, but it turned out to just be stomach flu on my bf’s end. (I somehow got out miraculously unscathed...) 

also because I got bombarded with work the past two weeks bcs it was my beloved coworker’s turn to go on holiday after me... it was rough, man. I think I worked till or past midnight most days (although I generally try to take Wednesday and Friday nights off for Mental HealthTM) but honestly I'm just happy to not be fired because it was just me and my boss holding the fort together and i’m pretty sure I sent him trash at some point but he was genuinely so nice about it. like, he sent me an email with super detailed feedback and was like, don’t worry, it’s not stuff I expected you to know because it’s super technical, but just keep trying and you’ll get better and I was like yo... thanks... /cryingindaclub

I turned 25 recently and it is just. quarter life crisis ahoy. HELP. I need Taylor swift to write a song about being 25 and knowing nothing at all. actually I just need Dr Swift to drop a new album because I've listened to folklore and evermore so many times that it’s starting to feel a little repetitive and. idk. mad (woman) 

royai week completely slipped my mind with everything that’s been going on and my submissions will probably be really tardy (if they even get finished at all HAHAH) but the prompts this year have been really nudging me back towards writing again. they’re INCREDIBLE!!! I can’t wait to see how everyone interprets it - I'm sure it’ll be fantastic. i have to confess I've been kinda out of fma/royai lately bcs I've been working on other original stuff (also because my latest obsession is Star Wars LOL but this fandom was truly one of the best things that happened to me in 2020 and it’s just really nice to see everyone coming together again for the best week of the year. genuinely feels like Christmas in the summer but instead of mistletoe we have fic. what’s not to love?

anyways yeah tldr idk if I'll end up participating but I'm really looking forward to see what everyone has in store!!! x

ALRIGHT im off to bed take care and stay hydrated and safe mates I’m sending yall all my love to conquer the upcoming week <3 

[i-left-my-room-tidy]

I'm also confused now mhmm

I mean... i'm still very indecisive about how I personally want to view the human mind, its consciousness, and realities... especially in regards to manifestation and reality shifting.

I must say i don't know that much about the writings of those people you mentioned. i'm currently reading neville goddard's books. English isn't my mother tongue. So, the archaic english parts REALLY confuse me sometimes but his way of interpreting the bible is really interesting.

Before getting into law of assumption and reality shifting, I was generally into spirituality and witchcraft. I even had a huge tumblr blog for tarot readings lol... yk through channeling my spirit guides and 'predicting' things so to say. Though, my way of viewing myself and the world I'm in changed a lot over the past view years.

But it's kinda like wanting to set puzzle pieces together but there are puzzles pieces from different pictures and some fit together (physically) that are not really meant to be together (image-wise) iykwim? And later on, you find out that some parts were wrongly put together so you have to revise it (your beliefs) and start again from zero... it's a difficult and really confusing journey imo.

And as i'm not really able to grasp the concept of this reality yet and what role my consciousness in all this plays, it's also really difficult to decide what role other people's souls and 'soulmates' play in this.

Oftentimes, I just want to simplify everything for me just because it all seems so overwhelmingly complicated. (Thats also why i wrote a very vague explanation in that soulmates ask - i tried to keep it simple.) Which reminds of what neville goddard keeps mentioning that humans always try to analyse everything even the simplest things and therefore always end up with complicated 'conclusions' which in turn makes them stray afar from the (very simple) quintessence. (idk if that made sense now lol)

I know this whole rant was probably completely useless to you, it just shows my confusion... sorry once again my mind is very scatterbrained and i don't know where im going with all those thoughts most of the time :')

Anyways, I still have plans to shift to a (what I like to call) 'spirit cafe dr' which is just a dr in a 'otherworldly' caféshop setting where I can talk with my spirit guides and other entities. And I plan to ask them about all this (and more)/to learn from them. I don't know when I will do it, probably not anytime soon because i'm busy with university but I definitely need answers lol

Btw have you already shifted to your jesus dr?

[thanks for this ask!]

and don't apologise for the rant! while i won't claim to understand everything that you've said, i do think you make a point with goddard's belief of analyses. i myself fall subject to that 😭😭

sometimes, we want to understand the world so much—and it's as if each change needs to be predicted, just so we fulfill our desire for knowing. i think that's where your experience with your worldview shifting and my habit of theorising fall under. as you've mentioned, the journey is a puzzle, and in some cases, the pieces never always fit together as expected. we both want to know what would be of us, and why; we want to know when, where, and how it would happen.

my best guess is that it's merely human nature at play. certainty isn't always guaranteed, as can be depicted by the presence of change itself. so, we try to make solutions for a problem that should have been left alone. I'm not saying it's inherently wrong, but the processes we take make it our lives harder than we need to. call it a lapse in judgement, if you will.

I'm not as versed with the concept of spirit guides nor do i always try to seek them out, but i do know they're very significant to everyone's journeys. that's mostly a matter of opinion, but don't let it stop you. i hope you get the answers that you seek!

and don't be shy about the rant! it's refreshing to see someone else's thoughts on the matter, actually. it usually takes me some time to respond, but i love long-winded discussions.

as for my jesus DR, not yet, because it's not that urgent for me as of the moment. I'm currently focused on my fame DR. but i do hope to shift (or mini-shift) to my jesus DR at least once this year, on or before christmas [just to celebrate it in time lmao].

[palehottubchild]

Get to know me

Thank you @sflow-er you know how much j like doing these ahahahhah

Do you make your bed?

Not really, i try to but in reality i never get around to it

What's your favourite number?

3, 9 and 12. NOT 6

What is your job?

i currently have two jobs, one of which is a little hard to explain but essentially boils down to research in healthcare and the other is hospitality in the biggest tourist attraction in my country (which is a seasonal job). two VERY different jobs in very different sectors, hahah

If you could go back to school, would you?

I actually am still in uni and i do not feel any particular wish to go back to high school. I would, however, have chosen a different degree if i could start over again but thats a different story.

Can you parallel park?

Technically yes, i can, but i hate it and it takes ages so i avoid it at all costs.

A job you had that would surprise people?

actually most jobs ive done surprise people, but more so because nobody knows they exist as jobs. In high school i used to do delivery for the pharmacy and as mentioned before now the research job. both things most people dont know are things someone gets paid to do until i tell them hahah.

Do you think aliens are real?

realistically i dont think its possible at all that we are the only planet with living beings on it. i do believe that there are no aliens in our solar system, but i do not believe that in the entirety of the universe only one planet managed to create life. I also think that life might look very different on other planets but im convinced 'aliens' exist in some way shape or form

Can you drive a manual car?

Again, technically i can. but i try to avoid it all costs bc ive only driven automatic cars basically since i got my license lol

What's your guilty pleasure?

reading fic, even more guilty if its from a fandom im technically no longer into but i sometimes just get this weird nostalgic need, you know

Tattoos?

Not yet, i have a design and a place in mind but my family is very strongly opposed to all tattoos and i still see them often enough to be a little bit afraid

Favourite colour?

for clothes, blue or brown. for other things anything in the navy colour palette (so like burgundy and navy and other colours in those kinda hues)

Favourite type of music?

I honestly will listen to anythign that has a recognisable distinct melody (so mostly excluding metal, too heavy rock and some rap) but am especially fond of 2000s 2010s dance music or indie/pop music from anything between the 80s and the 2010s. Not a big fan of what seems to be more modern pop culture but i can appreciate a harry styles or a taylor swift every once in a while

Do you like puzzles?

Yes!!!!! anything that i can use my brain for im down

Any phobias?

creeped out by all bugs and spiders (yes, even the cute and pretty ones) and not a big fan of big animals. slightly uncomfortable at high heights, dont do well in the dark and very very very uncomfortable in small spaces

Favourite childhood sport?

Did gymnastics until i was about 7 and then switched the the loml that was swimming and did that all the way up until uni. hated anything involving running or a ball

Do you talk to yourself?

Not when im alone, sometimes when other people are present

What movies do you adore?

I tend to like any movie i watch. Special mention to knives out, megamind and bottoms though

Coffee or tea?

I like the fancy coffees when im out having a drink or having lunch, at home i prefer tea

What was the first thing you wanted to be growing up?

i dont remsmber what came first exactly but the three professions that had the most prominent part in my youth were hairdresser, teacher and most of all writer. I always liked writing and words and languages and making things but unfortunately that took a stark dive durong high school that im still recovering from lol

as usual consider yourself tagged if you feel like doing this ahah

[nerves-nebula]

ooo thanks for sharing more about Huxley! He sounds like a pretty interesting character! Very sad and I hope he gets to recover, but it sounds VERY interesting that you (might, no expectations of course!) explore the morally grey aspect of his role in the family unit (dude that is like.. I l o v e the exploration of morally grey situations. that's my j a m)

He sounds kind of like what people were calling a babygirl lol. A little noodle of a man. Does he have a favourite food?

possible tw?

If you go for a reality that's uh, similar to our own and homophobia exists, you could add another layer to why Huxley didn't get/failed to get outside help if he had a husband? An extra layer of social isolation and worry, and perhaps manufactured paranoia? idk just some thoughts!

YEAH haha im gonna have a lot of fun making him SUFFER. And also making him be just kind of a bad person. I mean he's not irredeemable but! Yknow! sometimes you do shitty things and sometimes your a shitty father and you gotta live with that.

tbh i havent decided a lot of cultural stuff about this story yet, but I know it's gonna take place in a different, magical world, so not too much like ours in that aspect.

but if I had to make something up on the spot based on vibes alone, then I think that the culture that Groe and Maureno currently live in doesn't have a concept of queerness or cis-het-ness as we think of it. So people would be mostly chill, and if they weren't it wouldn't be for the reasons we'd think (have to think about this more though)

meanwhile where Etik and her family come from (which is a different country/city/city-state to be clear) there might be more rigid ideas of gender and sexuality.

I like the idea of both societies being like, gay and trans "friendly" as in generally accepting of those identities as valid compared to the world we live in. But going about it in different ways.

So Groe & Maureno's culture plays it very loose with gender and sex and relationships, which is cool but can make people feel lonely because they don't have a community or a word to really pin down their experiences. But they also don't feel "othered" so it's not too bad.

MEANWHILE the Allwile family come from a place where you can be gay or trans or whatever but you HAVE to pick out a box and people will nitpick you if you step out of line.

for example, identifying as gay and then being bullied into identifying as Bi because you said you liked someone of a different gender one time, or identifying as a trans man but having people question you about it because you like to dress "like a woman" (whatever that means in that context)

Like, what if the worst queer community discourse was the predominant social structure, I guess XD?? So kinda queerphobic and obsessed with labels.

BUT this is all subject to change. I'm just spitballing ideas here and I think that could be a fun way to differentiate the societies (among other fundamental structural stuff that I'm still thinking about)

i need to like, come up with a name for this cultures or something. Groe and Maureno live in the fuckin woods in a big ole' magical settlement that they sort of founded together hundreds of years ago.

and the Allwile family lives in like, a huge manor?? i think?? near a city?? i dont have it all figured out yet but they're rich.

[jemmo]

loved everything you said about ep11 and the preview in the asks you got! other than ep11 being focused on pat and pran we're pretty much in the dark about what's actually going to happen. i also think a break up makes no sense and you saying some other chaos might arise is very true. bc remember how they hit us in the face with pat getting shot??

maybe a sea gull attacks and steals their food? maybe one of them (pat) almost drowns? maybe one of them (pat) almost falls off a cliff? /j

anyway do you have any crazy ideas about what kind of angst they could throw at us? i would love to hear them if so!

(i haven't been in your asks before and want to say i enjoy reading all your thoughts, both posts and tags. i appreciate them a lot bc they help me process the episodes ✨)

:))) thank you dear anon for being so sweet im glad my rants can help you deal with processing the ep bc thats what they are for me too we're all just trying to unleash our emo thoughts somehow lol

and its so so true that they really could throw something at us from left field. we had no prior hints at all for the whole gun scenario and honestly 'pat got shot' is still a sentence that i cant believe can come out of my mouth and be true lol.

and honestly, way way more so than for any other eps, i really have no clue what ep 11 is gonna hold, and that thrills me and terrifies me and excites me and makes me so so nervous. bc yes they're running away and im so so happy about that, that they're taking the time to escape all the stress. but like... for how long?? are they gonna let anyone know?? are they just gonna disappear off the face of the earth?? what about uni, and friends, and pa, what are they gonna think??

and how are they gonna spend their time?? what conversations are they gonna have?? these are all the things im really looking forward to bc first of all i just wanna see them relax and chill as they should, but also bc i feel like theyre in a place to be really honest and open with each other and really talk, yknow, let out all the stuff theyve been holding in.

and as for angst, again, i have no clue. i tried to sleep on this ask and proceeded to think about it all morning but came up with nothing and that scares me bc if i cant predict then that means they could really do anything. i know there’s that clip from the trailer or credits of them in those same outfits standing outside their houses and looking over at each other, and that scene has kinda become contextualised to me as they’re going back after having time away and facing their families. and the look to me is not sad. if anything, it has some strength. there’s reservation and fear and nerves which makes sense bc they dont know whats coming next and there’s a sort of wistfullness which we now know is bc they’re time together at the beach is over; they have to go back to reality and ‘face the music’. but that’s not a look of ‘ill never see you again’, thats a look of ‘lets go and do the hard thing knowing we’ve always got each other to hold on to’.

and i think what happens next is gonna depend on the parents more so than pat and pran. we know what they want, to be together, to be happy. we’re not sure exactly if pat’s gonna want to forgive his dad for what he did, how he’ll treat him, and likewise, we don’t know how pran’s gonna behave around his mom with this whole ‘i know why you did it but you shouldn’t have done it’ mentality when he finds out the truth. but the driving force of the story will be the parents, whether pran’s mom feels willing to forgive or move past this feud and her need for hostility, and whether pat’s dad will finally be responsible for his guilt and make steps to build bridges where he didnt before. 

but at the same time, i think what needs to mend more so than the drama between families is the relationship between the parents and their sons. what needs to be realised is that the feud should never have affected that relationship and that there’s no need for hostility there. they can hold onto their hate for each other if they really have to, but that shouldn’t extend to their sons. 

i realising that im rambling a lot about how i see a way forward but thats just me trying to be positive and also survive this week without going crazy. but you asked about angst so... i think maybe, instead of breaking up, there could be a period of separation, where pat and pran say lets sort out our own families first before we try and bring them together. maybe thats what that look was, a see you on the other side as in we can be back together normally again when we’ve resolved some things, and in the meantime they just text but concentrate more on their families?? thats not too angsty tho. and i’ve seen some guesses about possibly one of them moving away, but i couldnt see that either. pran’s mom wouldn’t move him again bc i think she feels guilty, especially after the slap she sees how her anger has hurt her son. and pat’s dad couldn’t move him bc i don’t think he has enough power over pat anymore, not now pat knows what he did. i could see moving as more as a ‘fresh start’ for one of the families bc they cant exactly get over the feud but they’re done with still trying to compete and therefore dont feel the need to live next door anymore and anger each other, but at the same time, pat and pran are still at uni together and they have 2 and 3 years left respectively, and their dorms are next to each other, and theyre adults. their parents dont have the power to uproot their lives. 

idk anon this is messy my brain is so void of thoughts which is new and every time i try to predict something i reason myself out of it in the same second. im well and truly putting this to the people bc, despite the length of this rant, i dont have any words. we’re well and truly in the dark.  

[crybabyddl]

I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO REITERATE SOMETHING

Yes, let’s circle back to the beautiful performance of Edge of Great. More specifically the BODY LANGUAGE, particularly Julie and Luke’s, which I will be analyzing with gifs.

Exhibit A

Jealous Luke looks over at Julie and Reggie vibing

Julie is aware that she’s avoiding Luke, which she is doing so bc she realized her feelings for him thanks to Flynn earlier in the episode.

Since Julie has put the task of ignoring Luke upon herself even though she has no obligation to, she ends up failing her own mission. She sees Luke’s reaction to the lack of her attention.

She literally FREEZES. She’s emotionally worried to confront what she’s feeling and it’s beginning to manifest physically.

Exhibit B

It gets better y’all. After Luke finally has even a crumb of Julie’s attention, he beckons her over with his signature head tilt. This is important bc he did this with his longtime bandmate during the soundcheck of what would’ve been their biggest performance. If he feels comfortable enough using that body language with a girl he’s only known for, what, a week and a half(?) then you know this puppy boy’s got it BAD.

Julie is well aware that Luke is getting jealous. But in classic Julie fashion, she will try to tune it out instead of addressing it. Our wicked beauty doesn’t like confrontation and would rather just deny and avoid than potentially make things awkward, especially when she knows Luke would ask her about it at a later time.

The look on Julie’s face. Her eyes widen and the classic tight-lipped awkward smile is present. She’s literally saying “ok enough of that let’s get back to work doo doo doo” with her face. The way her body SWINGS back into performance mode as she faces the audience again. It may have been a split second, but when you’re deliberately trying to avoid looking into the dreamy (dead) eyes of someone you shouldn’t be crushing on, any amount of time feels too long. Plus, she knows Flynn is watching and doesn’t want her to lecture her (but she does anyway bc Flynn is observant and knows her bestie too well to let any action slip past her).

Exhibit C

Keep in mind; NONE OF THE GUYS KNOW WHY JULIE IS AVOIDING LUKE. Flynn, Alex, and Reggie have noticed the Juke chemistry, but it’s still too soon for them to get past the “we like each other but we’re too clueless to notice that we reciprocate” phase, so even though their respective besties know, they are still denying. Besides, Reg, Alex, and Flynn know better than to keep pestering if they want to keep their kneecaps. In reality they’re both smart enough to tell by this point, but for the sake of the plot and to make everything more adorably frustrating, Flynn has the collective brain cell under lock and key, leaving Juke to be like *dog tilting its head and making that “a-roo?” noise*

Anyway, Reggie notices Luke being snubbed after realizing that his extra dose of Julie time was slightly out of the ordinary. Luke is clearly concerned (look at his eyebrows and how his eyes travel from Reggie, to Julie, then to the audience to trying and get his mind off it and bring his focus back to the main goal; the performance.) If he can’t have the moment of connection with Julie that he so desperately craves, he’s gonna fill that void as best he can by connecting with the audience. >:’)

But Reggie’s trying to help Luke brush it off by conveying his reaction as ‘look at julie coming into her own! i told you she was a star! and you thought you were the lead singer? think again buddy this girl’s got you beat!’

But since Reggie isnt a master at hiding his feelings yet, especially around Luke, —who was able to get under his skin earlier (“girls, am i right?”)—Luke was easily able to see through that and interpreted what Reggie was saying as “look at julie go, she all in the zone. you’re literally making heart eyes at her get a grip you’re slacking lmao” (hence luke’s right eyebrow quirking at reggie like ‘dude seriously gimme a break u know i need attention like tinkerbell’) even though Reggie’s true message was a bit less harsh and more lovingly teasing, but it’s Luke, he sees things through his eyes and at his intensity, regardless of who it’s coming from. (This is one of the reasons why Luke comes off as selfish at times.)

Exhibit D

Poor Lukey boi can’t seem to catch a break today! Not only does Julie ignore him, then has a cute lil (platonic but it’s luke so it still makes him jealous >:P) moment, but now she has the AUDACITY to interact with Alex? The guy who was out learning Ghost 101 with this Willie guy instead of rehearsing with the band? What gives?! What’s he got that your moody ghost bf doesn’t? >:’(

He literally just watches, and even glances back in a way that, to me, screams ‘did i see that right? did i just see what i just saw with my own dreamy (but dead) eyes? say sike rn.’ \_(*_*)_/

Meanwhile, Alex pays no mind. I like to think that Alex is fully aware that Luke is an angry boy rn, but has learned to ignore it, especially this bc literally NOTHING happened. Either that or Alex has no clue and just truly thinks nothing of it and is having too much fun to think about Luke’s moody and childish behavior. Either way, Alex is just straight chilling and we love to see it *^_^*

Notice how Reggie is right there vibing with Julie and Alex. Luke feels a bit betrayed like ‘not you too! i know you were the first to turn on me but i figured since you’re such a golden retriever you’d be loyal and come back to my side!😠🥲’

Also; Luke approaches the rest of the group, wanting to be included in at least SOME of the vibing, but when Julie starts dancing and smiling with her buddy Alex, he backs up like

“you know what? nope. nevermind. not doin’ it.”

and the group’s like “i mean hey it’s your loss, but luke we want you to-”

“no, bc you chose to piss me off right in front of my face so no luke time for any of you! no cuddles, no hugs, no nothing! you made your bed, now lie in it and perish.”

Exhibit E & F: This is where it gets a bit interesting and theorized hehe...

Now we all know that this moment is just fucking ICONIC

WEOWH NEOW NEOW!!! WEOW NEHR NEHR NER-NER-NER NEHR NEHR NEOWHR!!! (wer nehr-nehr-ner-ner-nehr-nehr!!) WUEHNER-NEUHNER-NEHR-NEEOW-NEOWH! DLOOLOODDUH-DOODLAH-HOOBLUEH-NEOWHR-NEUEHR-NEEEEEEUOWRH!!!!

But hear me out– HEAR ME OUT!

What if... now don’t shoot the messenger who just so happens to also be the theorist... but what if...

WHAT IF!!! Luke didn’t!! plan this?!!!

Listen i know you’re probably thinking:

“Well uh Nicole, isn’t that kinda the whole point? It literally wasn’t planned until Charlie realized Madi was gonna be standing on the piano so he suggested the idea for the guitar solo to Kenny.”

And you’re right! But here’s the kicker:

What if Luke THE CHARACTER, just decided to do this as an “Alright that’s it! You wanna be like that? Well what if I just hit you with my super awesome radical totally cool wowza guitar skills & make a moment between us? Huh? What do you think about that? Hmm? HMMM???!!!”

He licks his lips & that to me read** like he was nervous (**read rhyming with bed just to clarify) so that means it could’ve been a spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment thing.

In the second gif, you can see that Julie’s head is tilted, as if she’s a bit confused, but she’s also delightfully surprised.

Julie is quick to smile and scrunch her nose at Luke, something she does often. It tells Luke his impulsive action garnered a positive response from his favorite girl. Julie also starts to shake her head, but doesn’t go through the motion in full, which means she’s still a bit nervous to let her guard down. This is probably because she doesn’t know what he’s thinking or what he will do next. The lopsided smile mixed with the suave, gliding steps towards her probably brought her back to her daydream lol.

Luke’s happy bc Julie’s no longer ignoring him. He smiles like a GOOBER bc this chump is simping HARD for our Julie. So cute! :’)

Exhibit G

And hear me when I offer this:

What if Luke poofed the guys out???

I know, I know. It’s a bold claim to make. But the boys are special, considering they are a threat to Caleb (3 gay-variant himbos vs. a gay magician that could’ve been on broadway but decided to make some sort of deal with a devil so he just entertains capitalists who most likely sold their souls to get into the hgc which i will probably elaborate on in a future theory so dont do that bc im gonna lmao idc we all have big brains) So it’s not too crazy to think that they could share some ghost powers.

We know Caleb transported the guys during You Got Nothing to Lose. And the guys have left a place at the exact same time on more than one occasion.

And you may be thinking “well what if the guys poofed out to give juke a moment alone together?” And to that I say...

Look at Reggie. He isn’t looking back at Alex like “dude let’s give them some space.”

The timing of him turning around, at least to me, makes me think Reggie was surprised by Luke approaching the piano. (But also he lowkey was waiting for Luke to prove him wrong by doing something to get Julie’s attention so Reggie isn’t mad. Neither is Alex but he doesn’t like being told how or WHEN to ghost) Luke doesn’t even give his bandmates a warning eyebrow quirk, a hand signal, nothing. Reggie turns to Alex like ‘dude what is he DOING?’ And before he can even really convey that, they go *POOF*

This man had a plan and he was gonna do it, so he did. Whether it’s the power of love, they stopped performing, or Reggie and Alex actually poofed out, the odds worked in Luke’s favor so he and Julie could have a super special moment, a moment special enough to make an actual living person (Nick) wonder if a “hologram” has a better chance at connecting with Julie than he does.

Again, regardless of who made them poof or how they poofed, they mf poofed so Luke’s a happy hamster. (Idk it just sounded fitting instead of happy camper lol wait what if someone had 3 pet hamsters and named them alex reggie and luke🥺 someone buy some hamsters and let me be their godmother or their aunt and i’ll love them from afar.) Anyway, Luke’s thriving, flourishing, his crops are going to grow in time for the harvest.

You can see Julie lean back as she turns to see Luke. It’s... almost as if... She. Wasn’t. Expecting. Him. To. Be. There..??

Honey badger Luke bc he DGAF <|:) Bitch, it’s Luke mf Patterson and he’s gonna,, GET! IN! YOUR! FAAAACE!!!

You CANNOT tell me he’s not doing the absolute MOST to try and seduce Miss Juliana Mariposa Rose Molina.

Yes I’m making a headcanon that Julie has TWO middle names and that one of them is the spanish word for butterfly and that the other is her mother’s name. Also yes, I believe (i believe that we’re just one dream away from who we’re– oh, that’s not what we’re doing? okay, sorry!) that Juliana is Julie’s full name.

In this house we love and respect Juliana Mariposa (Dahlia)** Rose Molina

**I’m just putting Dahlia there for fun bc I can. :) Whether I’d consider it a possible middle name of hers depends. Anyway I just thought it was a cute thing to add bc it goes along with the other middle names I gave her *^_^* Also, I feel like I made a post giving a bunch of the characters middle names lemme see if I can find it later)

Ok i’m done this took me basically all day from like 10am until 4:08. I obviously took breaks in between, but not long ones...😶