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#im making myself cry over here but its Fine
kohakhearts · 2 months
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theres a really. special kind of despair in the uncertainty brought about by moments of success and achievement. the inevitable “what now” of reaching your goals. and i kind of wish someone had warned me how hollow graduating university would feel, tbh
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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months
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...
#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the#best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b#like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional#control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood#weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start#crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way#not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things.#thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi#now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me.#working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning &#prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st.#task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in#this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do#moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an#then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose#things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the#picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to#absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal#away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i#still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop#switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping#would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is#but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually#unrelated#i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static#but focus is not a thing i cna control
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tgcg · 2 months
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the master baiter
TG: dont be mad
TG: ok thats like asking water not to be wet but
CG: WATER ISN'T FUCKING WET GOD DAMMIT.
TG: look whatever remember when you said you would die for me
TG: is that karkat in the room with us right now
======
CG: I'M DYING "FOR YOU" EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU PEEL OPEN THOSE SHIT-EATING LIPS YOU KEEP PULLED TAUT OVER YOUR DRONING IGNORANCE SHAFT.
TG: heheheh
======
CG: YOUR WORDSLUDGE SPEARS EVERY PARTICLE OF MY BODY WITH PINPOINT STRIDERIAN IDIOCY.
TG: oh shit here we go
CG: A VERBAL BARRAGE THAT PULVERIZES MY FLESH INTO A FINE RED MIST, KILLING ME INSTANTLY. WIPING ME THE FUCK OUT, TO SUCH AN INCREDIBLE DEGREE THAT PALEONTOLOGISTS CAN'T FULLY DISCERN IF A "KARKAT" FUCKING EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
CG: THEY'D BE SCRATCHING THEIR NUGBONES OVER IT FOR FUCKING SWEEPS, IF NOT FOR THE SHOCKING REALIZATION MERE MINUTES INTO THEIR DEBATES THAT NOBODY ACTUALLY GAVE A SHIT.
======
CG: AND YET THE TEMPORAL DEVICE STILL SWAYS TO AND FRO IN CONSTERNATION. VEXED BY THE COMPLETE MENTAL VACANCY PUT BEFORE IT BY MY HUMBLE SACRIFICE, BOUND BY ITS COSMIC ROLE, BEGRUDGED BY MY UNSOLICITED DEATH CLOCKING IT INTO OVERTIME. IT HAS BETTER SHIT TO DO, GOD DAMMIT! IT HAS A LUSUS AND A HIVE TO GET BACK TO!
CG: "WHAT IS THIS. WHO LET THIS ASSHOLE IN HERE," IT SAYS. THEY AREN'T EVEN QUESTIONS, JUST ORBITAL SIGHS OF AN UNCARING UNIVERSE. A REALITY NOW KEENLY AWARE OF ITS OWN LAUGH TRACK.
CG: AND ITS PENDULUM TEETERS, TENTATIVE IN ITS OWN DISBELIEF AND PROFOUND APATHY.
TG: damn
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CG: "THIS SCUMBAG ISN'T EVEN GODTIER YET," IT POINTS OUT. THE AUDIENCE FLIPS THEIR COLLECTIVE SHIT, AGHAST AT THIS REVELATION.
TG: hahaha
CG: IT WELLS UP SUCH A THRUM OF FUCKING ENNUI THAT THE TIMEPIECE FLIPS OFF-KILTER, LANDING SQUARELY IN THE "DUMBASS" ZONE WITH A "FUCK IT" LOUD ENOUGH TO REVERBERATE THROUGHOUT PARADOX SPACE.
======
CG: IT THEN ELECTS TO KICK MY PATHETIC FUCKING HALF-CORPSE BACK INTO THE LIVING PLANE AND FORCE ME, VENGEFULLY FROM THE AUDACITY OF MY OWN IDIOCY, TO REPEAT THIS CYCLE AD NAUSEAM
CG: UNTIL EXISTENCE ITSELF FINALLY CROAKS UNDER THE COMBINED WEIGHT OF OUR COLOSSAL STUPIDITY.
CG: BECAUSE WHO THE FUCK WOULD I BE IF I EVER GOT TO HAVE A BREAK?
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TG: yep there he is thats him offincer
TG: the man after my own heart
TG: thats a karkat brand "soft yes" if i ever heard one and i know my karkatisms dude im a goddamn graduate in karkatology
TG: i got my degree in this shit
TG: im rocking up to our convos with the dumbass black square hat thing cocked 45 degrees
TG: literally incapable of snapping it back kinda by design of the stupid thing but damn if im not doing it anyways im emanating the snappitudes
TG: im rocking my intelligence right now
TG: also water is absolutely wet dude its like the wettest thing on the planet
CG: I'M NOT REPEATING MYSELF AGAIN
TG: yeah you are
CG: FUCK. I AM.
======
CG: I SAID THE LAST THREE TIMES IT'S A CONDITIONAL TERM--
TG: and im saying its common sense like being wet isnt conditional when youre the perpetual thing of wettening
CG: NO
TG: and brother it is THE wet
TG: like following your conditional argument
TG: if water isnt wet then the other water molecules are constantly making each other fuckin wet so its a moot point
TG: great philosophical debate
TG: which came first the water or the wet?
CG: DAVE
TG: think about it all those particles are wetting each other up all the time and shit
TG: its a fucked up display
CG: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
======
TG: pretty much a perpetual orgy of the elements
CG: DUDE.
TG: that sounds kinda sick actually if you dont think about what it means
TG: h2orgy
CG: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO VETO THIS STUPID DISCUSSION--
TG: tell me im wrong dude
CG: I'M UNIVERSE-APPOINTED TO HOVER AROUND YOU POINTING OUT EVERY DUMBASS TAKE YOU HAVE FOR THE REST OF TIME.
TG: thats so beautiful to me
TG: i could cry
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evie-sturns · 28 days
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boyfriend - Matt Sturniolo
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summary: where your boyfriend of 2 years breaks up with you without reason, you go to your comfort place, your best friend matt's house and he does everything he can to calm you down.
contains: fluff, bestfriend!matt, crying, comforting.
--------------└── •✧• ──┘-----------------
panic flushes over me, my body heats up as my eyes scan over the screen of my phone. i instantly call him, my boyfriend aiden
"are you serious aiden?" i raise my voice as he picks up the phone,
"we're done, i told you." he says blankly with next to no emotion in his voice, hes been my boyfriend for just over 2 years.
he knows the shape of my lips against his,
he knows that i can't sleep by myself,
he knows my family,
he knows my daily routine from the second i wake up to the second my head hits the pillow.
and now he breaks up with me over text.
"why!?" i cry, i hear a subtle scoff from aiden before he hangs up. i instantly start to sob, throwing myself up off my bed and grabbing my keys.
i run downstairs and out the door into the night air, making my way down my driveway towards my cute small car.
i slam the door to my car shut, sinking down into the drivers seat as i check my phone. i've been blocked on almost everything already.
tears soak my cheeks as i let out shaky sobs.
--------
11:49
i knock twice on matt's front door, wearing sweatpants and a small shirt. my shoulders are by my sides, shaking up and down with each panicked cry.
after a couple of seconds the door opens slowly, i'm met with matts face.
he looks down at me, a short gasp escapes his mouth as he looks at the state of me.
he grabs my hand and frantically pulls me inside, "hey- hey whats going on?" matt asks , trying to sound calm.
"matt- matt." i sob, he grabs me and pulls me into a tight up, running his mildly shaking hand up and down my back
"shh.. sh sh." matt attempts to shush me before pulling me down the corridor into his bedroom.
he throws me down onto his matress, instantly chucking a blanket over me and sitting down next to me.
he waits for me to speak, still completely unaware why i showed up to his house in floods of tears at midnight.
"i- aiden broke up.. with- with me" i manage to squeeze out in between shaking breathes.
matt goes silent before pulling me onto his lap, holding me across him. i cry into his shirt
"over text with no reason-!" i continue
matt stays silent, breathing deeply. i copy his breathing pattern "you 'wanna know something?" matt says, i nod
"he's made a big mistake, you're the most lovely girl i know. aiden doesn't know what hes lost because- i know, i know that he will regret letting go of the most gorgeous, sweet girl ever." matt sighs,
"yeah?" he continues, i nod shyly.
he rubs my arm, "you can let it all out okay?" matt says softly, picking me up and standing up out of bed, he pulls back the silky sheets of his bed before placing me.
he lays down next to me, pulling up the blanket over us, i lay my head on his chest.
"he never cared about me matt." i admit "and now half my shit is- its just stuck in his apartment" i sniffle, wiping my nose on his shirt which matt doesn't bat an eye to.
"you know what, i'll go get it now okay? chris can come stay in here while im gone." matt says, heaving himself up of the bed
"matt you don't have to do that- honestly," i protest, matt just shakes his head
"don't worry 'bout it." he says, walking out of the room.
-
chris walks into the room wearing blue pyjama pants and a loose fit white shirt, he has a concerned expression on his face as he flops down on the bed beside me
"you okay?" he asks, "i don't know- i'll be fine." i reply with a strained voice.
"matt told me what happened, i'm sorry about aiden or whatever the fuck hes called." chris sighs
he wraps an arm around my shoulder and tugs me closer to his side, we lay in a comfortable silence for about 30 minutes before matt comes back
"im sorry i gotta take a shit, thats my fault give me a couple minutes." chris blurts out
"thanks chris." i laugh slightly as he sits up, walking out of the room.
-
matt comes back in holding 2 bags in his hands, he brings them over to me with a soft smile on his face. he reaches his ringed hand up and scratches the side of his face.
"you didn't have to- how'd it go..?" i say, matt lays back down next to me
"he was screaming at me the whole time, all 'who the fuck are you' but i think he recognised me after a minute of ransacking your room." matt laughs
i shake my head "i'm sorry."
"don't be" matt says,
"try go to sleep now okay?" he says pressing a kiss to my forehead.
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TAGLIST:
@luanetaluenta @sturnsssbow @mattfangirl @luvr4miya @luvtay111 @lolasturniolo @freshloveforthefit @ruedowney @lovingchrissposts @333michelle @h3arts4harry @sonicmacks @jamiesturniolo @chrisstopherfilmed @itzdarling @sturniolo-simp4life @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @recklessmatt
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myung-heee · 9 months
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horror game
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pairings: bf!wonwoo x f!reader
genre: fluff, smutt
warnings: they played a scary game (rip wonu cause y/n just won't stop stressing the shit out of him), y/n had a nightmare, brushing, pet names (baby, princess..), oral (fem), face sitting, crying, protected (yazz)!!
wc: 2.5k
summary: you convinced your boyfriend to play a horror game, but instead of the game scaring him, your reactions stressed him out. as you both drifted to sleep, you had a nightmare that inadvertently caused him to wake up, well, you know what happened next..
"come on, it's not a bad idea" you pouted, giving wonwoo your best puppy dog eyes ever. he chuckled, looking up from his game. "but i'm in the middle of this one," he replied, a playful grin tugging at his lips.
you persisted, leaning in closer. hugging him through his shoulders, "but the game i want to play is way more fun.." You playfully rested your head on his neck. he flinched a little, gazing over you before he looked back to his sceen.
he raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "really? and what game are we talking about?" he said, still focused on his screen.
you let out a mischievous grin. you stood up straight and walked towards the closet, carried a small stall, and sat beside him. "it's a scary game but its fun! i promise." you crossed your fingers.
 
wonwoo side-eyed you, fingers glued to his keyboard as he burst out a scoff. "a scary game? you sure you won't end up hiding under the blanket?" he raised a brow. you rolled your eyes, a playful smirk tugging at the corner of your lips. "of course not, wonwoo. besides, you're the one playing the game, not me," you retorted, your gaze locking with his.
he turned to you, his eyebrows raising in curiosity. "huh? you want me to play a scary game? just me?" there was skepticism in his voice as he asked you. with an eager nod, you confirmed your idea, your smile growing wider. "yes, but im here beside you, so i promise i won't let you feel too scared." you added a touch of faux cheerfulness, your eyes dancing with mischief.
his lips curled into a soft smile. "baby.. i'm more worried about how you'll react than myself."
 
you scoffed.
 
you let out a light laugh, waving away his concern with a casual gesture. "oh, come on. i've watched horror movies before. this can't be that different, right?" he chuckled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "alright baby, if you say so, i'll just finish this one."
as he turned his attention back to his game, you seized the opportunity to push further. "i.. i mean, it's just a game. what's the worst that could happen?" he glanced at you from the corner of his eye. "is that a challenge?"
 
you bit your lip, "maybe."
he scoffed.
you rolled your eyes playfully. "please, i'm tougher than i look." he leaned back, considering your proposal. "alright, fine. let's give it a shot. but don't say i didn't warn you."
as wonwoo switched from his game to the one you suggested, you felt a mix of excitement and nervousness. but things didn't go as planned. you were a bundle of nerves..
shaking his shoulders as you shouted about monsters being close.
he just laughed at you, while you're there beside him, stressed af. he seemed oddly calm, making you even more anxious. when a monster chased his character, you hid your face in his neck and gripped him tightly. suddenly, he flinched, and you let out a squeak before smacking his shoulder and retreating to the safety of the bed.
he laughed at your reaction and his character's death. "guess that didn't go well.." he bit his lip looking at you.
peeking from under the blanket, you glared playfully. "yeah, yeah, say what you want to say." you rolled your eyes. he sat at the edge of the bed, grinning. "scary games aren't your thing."
rolling your eyes, you huffed. "clearly."
he leaned down, giving your forehead a kiss. "don't worry, you did fine being there beside me."
"and stressing the shit out of me," he continued.
you landed a smack on his shoulders, and he laughed. "you literally shook my whole body. i'm even more scared of you being beside me than the actual game," he hugged you.
you rolled your eyes as you felt him rubbing his palm on your back, soothing you in. "is my baby still scared?" he asked. his voice is now different. you shook your head as you clung onto him tighter. he placed another kiss on your forehead before letting you go. "you can sleep now, i'll play a little bit more," he whispered.
"the scary game?" you asked, and he shook his head. "no, i'll continue the game that i left before" you pouted. "okay."
but you just found yourself clung onto him snuggled into the mattress, his arms wrapped around you securely, pulling you in close. he nuzzled your face against his neck, his touch soothing as his fingers traced gentle circles on your back, lulling you into a peaceful sleep.
as you drifted off, a dream stirred discomfort within you, causing you to shift your body.
.
sensing your unease, wonwoo responded by pulling you even closer, his arm finding its way around your waist as he spooned you. he pressed a kiss to your temple, his fingers tenderly combing through your hair, reassuring you.
you kept on shifting onto the bed, uncomfortable. wonwoo didn't notice it since he also dozed off to sleep. his hand was still on your waist as you moved backward and accidentally rubbed your ass through his front, making him flinch a little. he's still asleep, though.
your eyes opened, gasping for air, as you woke up from a scary dream. you moved a little, but you were stopped as you felt something on your back.
what the fuck..
you felt his hardness against your ass.
poor boy got worked up unnoticed. you bit your lip as you tried to turn around, but were welcomed with a groan from wonwoo as you accidentally brushed it against him again.
his grip tightening on your waist, he leaned closer to you. you could feel his heavy breaths on your neck. you tried to move again, but the hand on your waist was stopping you. "stop moving, princess.." it was almost a whisper. his voice is soft.
"wonwoo.."
"fuck.." he hissed. he lost his control.
he held your hips as he leaned your back against the mattress, roughly. you bit your lip and looked at him.. his breaths were deep. "princess, i told you to stop moving.. how many times should i have to tell you?" you gulped as he landed his arm on both sides of the mattress, locking you in. there was a hint in his face that he's holding on.
you both made love a couple of times before. just 4 or 5? and those sexes are intimate, and the last time he touched you was a month ago. he doesn't want to hurt you; he wants you to feel pleased and heavenly. he could never be rough on his princess.
but this case is different; you've been so stubborn lately. a little punishment wouldn't be a bad idea, right?
your cheeks are burning up at the idea of wonwoo inside you again.
he bit your neck, sucking it. you tried to run your fingers through your hair, but he held your hand in place. not allowing you to move, he hissed as his erection brushed against your thighs.
you clenched around nothing, letting out soft moans as he continued to leave marks on your neck. you could feel the wetness between your thighs.
"woo.." you whispered.
he stopped and looked up at you. "im sorry."
he was about to stand up, but you held onto his arm, shaking your head. "no.. i- i mean, i don't want you to stop" your grip was tight, making him sit on the edge of the bed.
you sat in his lap as you kissed his neck, careful not to leave a mark. he
gripped your waist as your lips collided again, tasting every corner. "can you sit on me?" you stared at him blankly; you didn't register what he just said. you tilt your head, brows furrowed.
he bit his lip as he scoffed, and he lifted his hand to brush the hair out of your face. "my baby is so beautiful.." he looked at your face and said, "you are so beautiful that you need to be worshipped."
he pulled you up, and you took that as a sign to take off your pajamas. you stood up and took them off. you're about to take off your pants, but he held your wrist, kissed you as he laid his back on the bed, and gripped your waist, pulling you onto his face. you resisted at first, not knowing what to do or what his idea was.
"sit on my face." wonwoo said sharply.
you gulped. he wants you to do what?
you slowly crouched onto his face, and he lifted your leg slightly to pull your panties down. he held your thighs as you leveled your between thighs to his face. you slowly lowered your legs as you tried to sit on his face.
before you could even, he held you in place. his grip has tightened.
he lost his patience with you. "when i told you to sit, sit. i don't care if you're worried; just sit. sit on my face." he sharply said.
you bit your lips as he forced you to sit on his face.
you gasped as you felt his tongue on your entrance. "o- oh my god!" you immediately held on to the headboard for support.
you closed your eyes as you felt his tongue lick. you could literally hear the wetness as he continued to fuck his tongue on your core. your body is burning up. you tried to shuffle your moans, but you really couldn't. "a-ah.. wonwoo," you panted as you felt your legs shaking.
you looked down to see his face; his eyes were looking at your reaction. when your gaze met, he immediately fasten his pace at your entrance, making you cry.
you held a handful of his hair when you felt you were already near; before you could even know it, he knew it already. he keeps on lapping your cunt and sucking your clitoral. his hand on your thigh as you began grinding your hips on his face, basically fucking yourself into him more.
your eyes closed as you felt your orgasm hit you. you tried to close your legs, but he held them in place.
as your orgasm washed over you, you immediately removed yourself from him and checked if he was okay—if you didn't strangle him, choke him, or anything else.
he just licked his lips and looked at you.
before you could even ask, he just flashed a smile at you. "you did well, baby," he said, kissing your neck and refusing to meet your lips, he laid your back against the mattress. he took a pack of condom from the drawer before putting it in his mouth and ripping the package.
he lowered his pajama to knee level before he placed the condom on his erection. he slowly leveled himself the same as you.
before he could even get inside you, he pushed a finger to check your wetness. he thrusted his finger for a bit before pulling it out. you hissed as he pushed his shaft inside you.
pain. you bit your lip hard as you felt pain brushing all over your body. pain—thats all you felt. regardless of the number of times you've had sex with this man, he always makes it feel new. he looked at you with a concerned face, licking his lip before giving you a kiss.
"a-are you? i can stop if—"
"no, please.. continue—fuck." you held his waist to pull him closer. he hissed as he moved inside you again.
"you're still... so fucking tight," he whispered as he began to gently thrust into you. "so good for me," he said, kissing your ear. he found his pace—not too fast, not too rough. but he made sure to hit all the spots since he's still worried and concerned about hurting you. he could never hurt his princess.
as the pain all brushed away, he got the hint and started thrusting so fast and deep inside you. you moaned his name.
"a-ah, wo.. wonwoo!" your brows furrowed, mouth open. closing your eyes. "ah," he moaned at the base of your neck. "fuck."
he kneeled in front of you and held your waist in place before pushing himself again inside you. he looked up and closed his eyes while thrusting at you. you moved your hips with him. you felt more pleasure from that angle.
you moaned his name when you felt another release. his thrusts started to get sloppy. "fuck—fuck! angel.. im cumming," he made one deep thrust and looked up again, panting heavily. you could see the veins in his hands. his chest was heaving.
he pulled out and stood up to go to the bathroom. you were left in bed, feeling so tired. wonwoo went back, holding a box of tissues and wipes. he was now wearing his pajamas. you flinched when he started wiping you with wipes.
you narrowed your eyes at him, and he responded with a cute pout, saying, "im sorry." your body still felt a bit sore, and you were sensitive to what happened earlier. "need anything? food, water, or a bath?" he asked, planting a sweet kiss on your forehead.
you shook your head, a soft smile gracing your lips. "just a hug," you murmured. he chuckled affectionately before leaning down to cuddle you, wrapping you in his arms. it felt like a cozy cocoon of love and safety, his embrace melting away any discomfort you felt.
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demonpiratehuntress · 5 months
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dreams
OPLA!Zoro x F!Reader
summary - majority of your dreams seem to manifest in the real world somehow, so when you have one about your crush and your best friend...things get a little out of control.
warnings - heavy angst (im sorry), hurt to comfort
a/n: when i started writing for this fandom i PROMISED myself i would not make it all angst and no fun, but oh well :))))) idek where this idea came from, i need help
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You woke up from a nap with the sickening urge to empty your stomach overboard. Nausea reared its ugly head, and before you could even try to tame the feeling, you were sprinting to the side of the ship to empty your stomach.
What exactly was the cause?
This would sound insanely ridiculous, and to you it really was, but you had a weird dream. And it didn't sit well with you. Most of the dreams you had often became a reality, albeit with slight changes. There were some that didn't, but almost all of them came true eventually or manifested in a similar way at some point.
And that's probably the reason you couldn't stop yourself from vomiting obscenely before your stunned - and confused - crew.
"(Name), are you okay?" Nami asked worriedly, coming over to you.
You flinched away from her, increasing her confusion, before turning and running off to the bathroom. She exchanged looks with the others who were out on deck - Usopp and Luffy - before shrugging it off and going back to mapping the ship's course.
The truth was, you had a completely unexpected yet maddening dream while napping, one that you prayed to any god who would listen would not come true. You had dreamed of Zoro - the man you had the biggest crush on - and Nami, which may seem an odd coupling and probably was but you couldn't control your dreams. Much like how you couldn't control how you felt about it, despite it only being a fictional idea your mind concocted.
You went straight to yours and Nami's room after cleaning yourself up, setting up the divider that separated your section from hers so you wouldn't have to deal with seeing her if she came in. Your behaviour was unfair to her, since you knew she would never do anything like that, nor did she have any romantic interest in Zoro. In fact, she barely had any interest in the swordsman at all. But according to your dream, that might change.
You curled up on your bed, pulling the blanket right up over your head to shield yourself from the real world. The familiar feeling of something wet running down your cheek informed you that you had started crying, but you couldn't care less. You couldn't move. You didn't have the energy to move, much less bring your hand up to wipe your tears away. So you just lay there, curled up in a foetal position, trying - and miserably failing - to get your mind off it.
A while later, a knock at your door caused you to jerk up in your bed, before you groaned and flopped back down.
"Go away!"
"Nami said you're sick," came Sanji's voice, "So I made you some soup. Please open the door."
You breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't either of the two people you were currently trying to avoid. Slowly dragging yourself out of bed, you had to make even more effort to get yourself to the door. Forgetting that you had just been crying, you opened it and let the cook in, confused when his expression immediately grew alarmed.
"(Name), why are you crying??" He immediately set the soup down and pulled you into a comforting hug - one that seemed to be much warmer than usual right now.
"I-I'm fine," you mumbled into his shoulder, "Just not well."
He nodded, falling for your excuse, before pulling away to hand you the soup, "Here, this should help. If you need more, or if you need anything else, just let me know." He smiled at you, before leaving you alone once again.
You sat back down on your bed and ate the soup - because who can say no to Sanji's cooking, even if you're not really in the mood to eat? And it did help, the warmth helping to settle your queasy stomach and alleviate the nausea if only a little bit. Minutes after you finished it, there was another knock and you frowned, wondering who it was now.
You didn't answer, in fear of it being Zoro.
Just the thought of Zoro had you replaying that dream all over again, and before you could stop yourself or at least soften the sound, sobs were wracking your body and you were burying your face in your hands, crying into their warmth.
The door opened and a familiar set of heavy footsteps reached your ears before the bed dipped beside you. Your entire body froze up, tensing at the arrival of the green-haired swordsman. Your sobs fell silent, hiccups replacing them as you stilled and tried your best to quell your sadness - still keeping your face hidden.
"What happened?" Came that usually-comforting deep voice you loved so much, but that now caused your nausea to return. "What's wrong, (Name)?"
"Please go away," you found yourself speaking, not wanting to push him away but knowing you'd feel even more ridiculous if he found out how you felt about him while you were recounting a silly dream.
"No."
Usually the swordsman would leave without a word if you asked for space, or if you told him to go away, but this time he could see you were absolutely not okay and you needed someone. Luffy wouldn't be a good idea, Usopp wouldn't know what to do, and you seemed to be avoiding Nami. And he sure as hell did not want that stupid cook anywhere near you right now, in fear of him comforting you so well that the swordsman would lose you to him entirely.
You didn't respond to that, so Zoro brought his hands up to slowly and gently peel yours away from your face. You let him, shocking yourself, and the sight of your bloodshot eyes and tear-stained face caused his heart to constrict painfully.
"Tell me what's wrong."
He held your hands in his own, not wanting to let go. He had waited so long to be able to hold them, and he was glad for this excuse to. But he was heartbroken seeing you so upset and apparently sick over something he didn't know about yet. He gently squeezed your hands, silently encouraging you to speak. He wasn't good with words, but if comfort was what you needed he would do and say whatever he could to make your pain go away.
"It's you and Nami."
He stiffened. He didn't know what that meant, but just hearing he was part of the reason you were so upset made his heart sink.
"What did we do?"
"It's...um...it's silly," you replied quietly, voice low but pain still evident. "It doesn't matter." You tried pulling your hands away, but Zoro only gripped them tighter.
"It does, if it's making you this upset."
Reluctantly, you relayed to him what you had dreamed about, voice cracking halfway through as more tears fell. You felt even sillier saying it to someone else, especially him, and avoided making eye-contact throughout the entire explanation. When you finished, you shot him a small, brief glance - only to do a double take when you saw the absolutely horrified and disgusted look on his face.
"Me and the thief?" He questioned, distaste clear in his tone. "You've got to be kidding me." He sighed, sneakily shifting closer to you on the bed. "That can't be possible."
"But-"
"Some of your dreams don't come true," he reminded you, "This is definitely one of those. You want to know how I know?"
You nodded slowly, biting your lip.
You did not expect his next words.
"Because I already dream about doing that with you."
Your jaw dropped. If you were like Luffy, it would have probably dropped all the way to the floor, you were so stunned by his confession. Your formerly slowed heartbeat picked up speed again, heat filling your cheeks as you processed his words.
"Me?"
"Mhm. Only you. Been a recurring dream, actually."
As you stuttered out an incomplete sentence and then stammered through some nonsense, Zoro leaned in slowly and pressed his lips against yours, locking you in a slow but sweet kiss. His lips were warm and soft, inviting you to lean into him and return the kiss. The affectionate gesture had butterflies blooming in your stomach.
"I'm sorry," you whispered once you remembered how to speak.
"There's nothing to be sorry for," he murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead before pulling you into a warm, comforting and secure embrace.
You sat like that quietly for a while, Zoro rubbing soothing circles onto your back while you clung to him, face buried in his neck. He kissed the top of your head every few minutes, in between mumbling sweet words of comfort into your ear - mainly "you're beautiful" and "i'm yours" because he didn't know what else to say. But it was enough for you.
Eventually, he spoke up.
"You should clear things up with Nami. She's upset because you're not talking to her."
"I know...later."
He chuckled and tightened his grip on you, keeping you warm and increasingly happy in his strong arms. He didn't intend on letting go, but that was good because you didn't want him to.
BONUS:
"STUPID MOSSHEAD!"
Loud banging and clanging jerked you awake the morning after your confessions, the sound of Sanji's loud exclamation having woken you - but not Zoro - up. He probably had woken up the others as well.
You tried to get up to see what was wrong, but Zoro refused to let go. He was still sleeping, but his arms wound around you even tighter, pulling you back against him. You sighed, knowing you could ask someone else later anyway.
Nami poked her head around the divider and smirked, "He's upset that Zoro finally confessed and ruined his chance to woo you."
You laughed at that, "Give him an hour, max. Then he'll try to woo you."
She groaned, "I'm already dreading it."
The two of you laughed, and it felt good to be back on speaking terms with her. Even though, strictly speaking, you hadn't had a reason not to be in the first place. But oh well.
The power of dreams...
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hopelessdazai · 1 month
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✿ 》 Will you talk to me again?
╰⧼ 🪻 note.. ⧽ ; I don't expect this to do well because its not smut but it'd be nice !! reblogs appreciated, support your creators :)
╰⧼ ☀️ features.. ⧽ ; @saelique angst collab!! dazai x gn!reader, WC ; 784
╰⧼ 🌙 contents.. ⧽ ; angst, reader isn't alive, letter from dazai. he's trying very hard to keep himself stable but it's not working™.
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To my dearest ______ .
It's been a while, hasn't it? I hope you don't mind me writing to you like this, it's simply been too long. I'm sure you're still angry at me, so seeing you physically isn't my best interest right now! haha, I'm sorry. you know I'm just joking around, don't you? I'd love to see you in person. I'm sure you would've punched my arm if you heard me out loud right now, wouldn't you? I'm glad I'm spared of the bruises.
what does someone put in a letter? that's what I was asking myself before I even began writing. I decided that the best way to do something like this was to just write whatever I feel true as pen touches paper. I hope it makes sense to you, at the least. if I'm pouring my heart out on some paper only for it to be misunderstood, it feels like a waste, no?
though, i'd be lying if i said it wouldn't be rather cute to see you try to fathom what I mean. did you know you scrunch your nose like a bunny sometimes when you're reading? I'm sure you're doing that now too. you'll get wrinkles very at this rate ..
but anyway, I managed to prank kunikida the other day! you remember that hair dye trick I'd told you about? I managed to break into his apartment and swap out his shampoo, at last! he came into work the next day with black hair, it was hilarious, you should've been here! he was so angry with me. beat me black and blue!
oh, _____. I got a new heated blanket for our bed, you know? it took a while to save up for it, and I had to cut out some other necessities, sure. but it makes everything so much better! I hate cold beds, I'm sure you know that better then anyone. haha, back before we moved in together when I'd break into your apartment and crawl into bed with you. I'm sorry for the amount of locks I broke, but your place was so cozy!
... you know, it's been really hard without you here. I miss you so painfully, and I don't mean to call into the void without even an echo, but its killing me to pretend I'm fine about any of this. I'm not fine with this, how am I supposed to be? I wish it was just a bad dream.
I don't want to have to write letters to you anymore, ______. I don't want to have to buy heated blankets to try and stop my arms from aching for your warmth. I don't want you to be angry with me, I'm sorry I didn't apologise to you before you were gone. I shouldn't have been so stupid.
i had so many words on my mind that I was too afraid to say. maybe if I faced myself and told you 'I love you' it would've stopped you leaving.
have you met odasaku yet? has he told you any stories of his time? I wish I could hear your voice again. I wish you could answer my questions. even to hear you scoff at my stupidity again would heal me. I'm sorry I was annoying, I just wanted your attention. it stings knowing I'll never get it again.
I can't keep repeating to myself that you're not gone. I can't keep buying your perfume and pretending that you're in the next room over. your pillow doesn't smell like you anymore.
I wish I could apologise properly. I wish I could've stopped you from leaving the house that night. I wish I could kill myself to join you and yet I know we won't cross paths again in the afterlife. you were always too good for me, ______. i was nothing compared to you.
i picked up a homeless dog yesterday. you'd always wanted a puppy, I'm sorry I never let you bring one home. I named it after you. im trying to get used to them, I promise. if I couldn't save you, I'll save your name.
I'm sorry. if I continue writing, my throat will hurt more. its strange, isn't it? crying makes your throat sore. I forgot what it was like for a while, I remember laying in your arms wondering if I'd ever have a reason to cry again. now I can't seem to help myself.
keep your wings clean for me, white looks good on you. its a shame you couldn't wear the wedding attire i wished to see you in one day. you would've looked amazing.
I'll write again, missing you is the greatest honor.
sincerely, your osamu.
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heartsoji · 1 year
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haikyuu boys with an s/o who's really scared of horror movies
pairings: iwaizumi x reader, oikawa x reader, tsukishima x reader, bokuto x reader
a/n: lol this is me i actually cannot with horror like at all
warnings: post-timeskip in iwaizumi's
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iwaizumi hajime
iwaizumi's pretty good with horror movies
occasionally, he'll be a little caught off-guard with a sudden jumpscare, but he's pretty much fine otherwise
now YOU..
you are not ok.
you are screaming, hiding, and tearing up
he honestly doesn't really understand what's so scary about them
since i hc iwaizumi to be a realist, he'd be like
it's a movie. it was filmed. those are actors. it's so obvious none of that stuff could ever happen in real life
still, he understands that you're really scared and tries his best to comfort you
time to put those beefy athletic trainer arms to work
he lets you cling onto them for the whole movie and lets you use then as a stress ball
iwaizumi's a traditional, old school, cheesy hopeless romantic. convince me otherwise.
therefore, his method of comfort usually comes in the form of soothing words and back rubs in his arms
its actually quite nice. he lets you scream into his titties (HE HAS TITTIES AND THEYRE MORE ROCK SOLID THAN REGINA GEORGE'S MOM'S. CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.)
when you're truly scared scared (like heart pounding, sobs racking ur body, you're def gonna get rlly bad nightmares type of scared scared)
he will probs turn it off bc he thinks that no movie ending is worth this much terror
he cares about you a lot, after all. he thinks its slightly amusing when you're screaming your head off at the obviously fake blood, but he would never want you to be fearful for real
rubs your back and whispers soothing words into your ear
"its ok" "i'm right here" "don't worry, i'd protect you if they ever came" type of stuff
after you've calmed down a bit, he'll try to make you laugh
jokes, tickles, anything, really!
he hates seeing you scared. he just wants you to be happy
10/10. marry me sir.
oikawa tooru
lol
hate to break it to you but
tooru is equally as scared of horror movies
you guys have to cuddle up in blanket burritos together and scream at every jumpscare
honestly you both only make it through the movie through sheer willpower
if you're crying, he'll try to comfort you, but tbh he's pretty damn scared himself
however, once the movie is over, he's totally fine
movie forgotten. out of memories. what movie should you guys watch next?
but YOU
you're still crying
you're still really shaken up
you're def gonna have nightmares
he takes that opportunity to be the manly man he is and swoops you up bridal style
he's very charming. he looks at you in the most dazzling, heart-melting way
lol boy u were just crying too stfu
he cuddles you close, and just like iwa, whispers sweet words into your ear
however, unlike iwa, they're much more...childish? playful? how to describe them..
"it'll be ok. your big, strong, boyfriend will protect anything that tries to hurt his princess" "*dramatic gasp* YOU DON'T THINK I'M CAPABLE OF FIGHTING IT OFF BY MYSELF? HOW COULD YOU UNDERESTIMATE ME LIKE THIS? THIS.. THIS IS BETRAYAL" "they don't even look that strong. im sure i could hit a volleyball at one and it would rip into two!"
stuff like that
he would make sure to cuddle you extra close that night
overall, he's pretty fun and is good at making everything seem less serious. 8.5/10!
tsukishima kei
honestly, he's as affected by horror movies at the average guy
he doesn't find them as terrifying as oikawa, but he's definitely not as unaffected as iwaizumi
but you'd never know that
why?
he just hides his emotions really, really well
also he just sometimes focuses on the wall behind the tv and drowns out the voices
he just sits through them and bears them, basically
now, why? why in the world would he do this when he doesn't even enjoy it?
to make fun of you, duh. shouldn't that have been obvious?
when you leap 30ft out of your seat into the air, he laughs at you
he'll even add onto your fear by like grazing your opposite shoulder when you aren't looking and pretending he didn't do it
hes a brat
but honestly, he partially enjoys it when you spring onto him at the jump scares, no matter how much he denies it
as we all know, the boys a lil shy about asking for affection
with horror movies, he gets your affection without even asking for it! yay!
but once the movies over, if you're really shaken up, he'll use his giant beanpole arms and spoon you until you fall asleep
but then he'll be an ass about it the following week
pokes, grabs, jabs you and will say,
"huh? it wasn't me. maybe it was the (wtv villain or ghost or spirit or wtv from the movie)!"
2/10. makes fun of you and makes the movie even scarier tbh. the 2 points r only bc of the comfort he gives after its over.
bokuto koutaro
like most things in life, bokuto goes between two extremes, and never crosses into the middle
he's either having super insane cut shots that go BOOM
OR he's doing awful and is in his emo mode
same thing with this
he either isn't affected by it at all and just laughs
or he screams when the character breathes a lil too heavily
now, if he thinks the movie's not scary at all, he's pretty good to watch with if you're super scared
during the scary parts, he lets you cling onto his beefy arm while he just watches the movie in amusement
like there's a really scary scene where there's a huge jumpscare into the most climatic scene in the movie and you're burying your face into his arm but in the background you just hear:
"HAHAHAHAHA! Y/N Y/N! YOU GOTTA SEE THIS! HE'S...HE'S GETTING CHASED BY THIS GREY LITTLE CHILD! HAHAHAHA ITHIHIHIT'S EYES LOOK LIKE TAPIOCAAHAHAAHA"
"oh the grey little child is smiling! it's kinda cute! why is the main character guy sweating? he looks like me right after a long game"
"why'd the grey little child pull a purple thing out of his throat? what's that? i wonder what it tastes like though..i think it would be a thick gummy texture, but maybe a little gooey on the inside. definitely grape-flavored. the really sweet artificial good one. oh.. now i want a gummy!"
yeah
he definitely makes it less scary because he makes all the scary stuff seem really stupid
honestly pretty nice. you might not get as many nightmares because of him
now
when he's terrified, he's more terrified than you
*main character sneezes* "AHHHHHHH"
think oikawa x 800
mhm
honestly, you kind of have to take the comfort role even though you're deathly afraid of horror movies
"kou, he's just walking. its ok."
honestly he makes it seem less scary like this too because it forces you to see why the movie isn't actually that scary because you have to find out the reasons to comfort him
8.7/10. a sweetie
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thechaoticplayer · 4 months
Note
Luca smut omg- bratty reader and brat tamer luca 🛐 jsbsjdbjshs i can't stop thinking about it
author's note: JEJEHDIEDHEI 😩😩😩 BRAT TAMER LUCA... TY ANON BC IM A BRAT MYSELF AND OMLLLLLL YES JUST. YES. Also mad shorter than expected but what can I sayyyy
Summary: Brat Tamer Luca has to put your bratty ass into place for all the shit you've been doing to him <3
Contains: FILTHY FILTHY DIRTY SMUT. LUCA KANESHIRO X READER. eatablished relationship, degrading, Luca bullying you and being extremely rough but that's ok bc hes such a daddy, my phone being on 19% and forcing it to work like Luca is with u fr
Mdni or not idgaf
Being the mafia boss's boyfriend came with a shit ton of perks: no one could say anything to you (you can't do this or you're not allowed to do that), you could do basically whatever the hell you want without repercussions, and Luca Kaneshiro spoiled you to death. It wouldn't have come as a surprise if you turned into a brat because of it.
And here you are, whining because your boyfriend has to go meet with some guy he's working with. He's not as important as you are!
"Babe, I have to go, it's important for the mafia," Luca murmurs softly into your hair as you cling to him tightly. Your arms wrapped around his waist and face buried in his chest, you showed no signs of letting go. He sighs. "I'll try my best to make it quick, alright? Just-"
"No!" Your muffled voice replies, before glancing up at him with big eyes. "I want you. To stay."
"Babe..."
"Don't 'babe' me. I guess your mafia is more important than me." You release him and step back, abruptly turning your back towards him, crossing your arms. "Whatever. Bye."
Luca stares at your back for a second, absolutely torn for a second. "What? no, of course you're important-"
"I'm second and always be second, huh?" You saunter to the bed you two share and throw yourself onto it. You rest your hand on your forehead, closing your eyes. "It's fine. Go ahead. I'll just find someone else to play with."
He goes silent. You don't open your eyes.
A beat's worth of silence. "Got nothing to say now, huh?" You scoff, a smirk playing on your lips. "I suppose you've gotten so-"
You yelp as you feel rough hands latch themselves onto your thighs and yank you downwards, and your eyes fly open. Luca leans over you with a dark look in his eyes, brows furrowed in silent anger.
"You suppose ive gotten... what?" The plush of your ass is tightly against his crotch, his gloved hands digging into your skin.
"...soft." His eyes smolder, a fire in his gaze as he leans closer to your face.
"Soft?" He echoes, a sultry chuckle sending a shiver upon your spine. "No no no, I think you got it all wrong, sweetheart..."
The mafia boss hooks your legs over his shoulders, his bigger and wider form trapping you underneath him as he grinds against your wet panties, the skirt your wearing riding up to your hips. You stifle a moan, biting your lip hard.
"You've always liked it when I'm a bit rough with you, hmm?"
"Tch! Don't you have somewhere to be?" You reply haughtily, trying hard for a whimper to not slip past your lips as he grinds slowly.
"It can wait, no? Besides..." Luca's breath tickles your ear. "Theres a certain someone, who needs to be taken care of."
"Yeah. Your friend."
"What a fucking-" Out of nowhere, Luca flips you onto your stomach, leaving you squawking as he spread your legs open, ass in the air. "Brat."
"W-wait a minute!" You stammer as you turn your head to see him rip off his pants and unleashing his cock from its confines, big and hard. The glint in his eyes suggest you were probably not going to be able to walk for a good couple of weeks. "L-Luca, wait!"
"No," he growls, pushing your panties aside and sinking his still gloved fingers into you. A whimper tears itself from your throat as he plunges the digit in and out of your crying hole. "Brats need to be taught a fucking lesson. look at how wet you are. Filthy slut."
"I wouldn't have been- mmph! A b-brat if you didn't leave me all the- ah... t-time!" You blabber, your legs already shaking a bit from how rough and quickly he was fingering you.
"Leave you?" Luca repeats, incredulous. "God, I made you into a fucking brat! Spoiling you all the time, giving you everything you could have ever wanted..."
He slips his finger out, lining up his cock with your entrance. Your mouth almost waters at the sight and he laughs at your lustful expression. "Is this what you want? then I'll gladly give to you, and you won't even dare forget this..."
The mafia boss shoves his girth into, splitting you open. You cry out, hands gripping the sheets as Luca doesn't even allow you to adjust to his size. You were fucked by him plenty of times before, but your hole could never get quite used to his thickness. Luca drills his cock into you, the fat tip kissing your g-spot deliciously so.
The bed squeaks and groans underneath you both, loud moans spilling from your mouth. You turn your face into the pillows, only to be yanked back up. You gasp as Luca forces you to arch, the angle causing you to see stars.
"L-Luca- a-ah! Fuck fuck fuckfuck-" You moan and whimper and whine as Luca's dick pummels itself into you, your walls clenching around him.
"This is what you want, huh?" Luca breaths raggedly into your ear, one hand fondling with your tit. How sensitive you've become, moaning from pure pleasure. "Want me to fuck you dumb?"
"Y-y-you asshole-!"
A sharp snap of his hips force you to choke on another keening moan. "What was that, darling? couldn't catch that."
Only moans answer and he chortles. Luca can feel you getting close, but why stop there? Why not make you wish you never provoked him in the first place? How dare you say that you'll go find someone else to play with in his absence! He tsks as you squirm underneath him. No no, he'll make you beg for him to stop, and even after that he won't obey.
You cum hard around his cock but the mafia boss still bullies himself into you as you twitch. tears rolls down your face as you attempt to scramble away, but Luca pulls you all the way back so now you're riding his cock, back arched against him. You babble sentences don't even make sense as your brain was fucked to mush.
"What's wrong? can't speak anymore?" Luca coos, thrusting himself deeper and deeper. His voice deep and husky, your fluids staining his shirt but he could really care less. "Fucked you so good- what a cock drunk whore."
You whine, skin slapping against skin as you ride his dick, legs shaking and stickiness against your thighs. Luca bites your neck, leaving a trail of bite marks against your dainty skin. He licks from your shoulder to your neck, suckling. Luca can feel the vibrations through your throat as you make such pretty noises for him. Was it possible that he seemed to get even harder and even larger inside of you?
His hips slot up to meet yours and you cum once more, drool dripping down your lips. Luca groans as he feels your walls clench and your hot cum envelopes his dick. He fucks you through your second orgasm until he releases a guttural grunt and shoots his loads deep into your tummy.
"I'm not done," he pants, pulling out of you and throwing you back down on your back. "So far from done."
"L-Luca..." you whimper quietly, body heaving and near close to exhaustion.
He cups a hand to your cheek. "You did this to yourself, pretty girl..."
Luca's mouth hovers over your tit, blowing on it and watching the nipple grow hard. Another chuckle as he pops the tit into his mouth, sucking hard. Your hand finds itself in his blond hair, soft and airy whines in the air. He releases the tit and goes to the other, teeth grazing it.
He kisses down your tummy, opening your legs in the process. The mafia boss lowers to your aching pussy, somehow getting wet all over again. Luca licks a stripe up your abused cunt and a shaky sigh comes out your mouth.
"Horny bitch." Bringing you closer to his mouth, his tongue circles your clit as his hot breaths fan in between your thighs. "Came twice already, and it still isnt enough..."
His entire mouth is on you now, slurping and teasing and sucking. You tug his hair hard, making the mafia boss growl lowly into your pussy. The vibrations add to the upcoming orgasm, your moans filling the room and you were sure everyone within the house could hear. Neither of you gave a damn as he continued his assault on your weeping cunt.
You cum against his face and he laps up every single drop, kissing and biting your thighs while doing so. Your chest rises rapidly up and down, and Luca observes your fucked out expression. Your eyelids are heavy, and you're just about ready to pass out.
Until... "Oh no, you aren't getting any breaks." Luca yanks you back up and turns himself in one smooth motion so now you're kneeling before him, his yet again hard cock in front of your eyes. "Suck, whore."
You eagerly take the cock in your hands, the slick from both parties still covered all over it.
There is definitely more where that's coming from.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
Text
...
#hmm its been an interesting week i suppose#very busy in a good way. but that is always how it starts. i make myself so busy and it feels good and then i wobble and fall out of my body#so im feeling wary. also bc ive been under sleeping more than ususal but im not really tired but im also not boiling out of my skin with#energy. i just feel ok. so thats good. but also a demon in the back of my head is always like: then stay up all night. lets see how far we#can push this. which is not good. and in fact ive been proscribed like basically emergency mood stablizers to knock me out if i start like#losing my mind and not sleeping lol. bc i dont wanna b getting ready for something big and like completely unavailable to control my#ability to think. and ive also been proscribed birth control to get a handke on my fucked up hormones. so we'll see if that makes things#less all over the place. hopefully it works bc im so busy i kinda dont have time to like freak thr fuck out#but i am a lil apprehensive bc like i can count on my hormones to make me feel things when a lot of the time i dont have much emotional#range. so its like fuck finally i can cry abt this. or like fuck this is so beautiful. but then i also cant function sometimes#so i guess i just gotta see what happens. sigh. also the typical frustrating in having to read so much. like ppl hear im dyslexic and r like#oh do u want accommodation? like literally wtf r u gonna do to help me as a grad student? it just takes an agonizing amount of time to#understand thing. i have my computer read to me and i suffer. theres literally nothing else to b done abt it. and fucking next week i have#to teach a fucking lab abt reading scientific papers. they have to read a paper in class. fuck off. those r the types of exercises that make#me feel so fucking stupid. like do this thing right now. read it right here and answer questions abt it. and i fucking read it and retain#fucking nothing. im fucking 26 and literally in my grant writing class i have to apologize to every person before i give them feedback like#lol sorry i can barely fucking read. i fucking cant understand language. its fine but it sucks. theres nothing to do abt it. it just makes#me mad i have to teach a class that would have made me cry as an undergrad. so ill prob hold their hands thru it more than the other TAs#will. bc fuck u im not making them read a whole fucking paper in class. fuck u#plus the frustration of not being able to express myself well in thr moments. like theres a delay in my brain so i feel so dumb when im#trying to convey myself off the top of my head. like give me time and ill write it all out for u i just cant actually process wtf ur saying#to me. also i probably spaced out for a sec so i missed part of the convo lol. frustrating but at this point its just how it is. it makes me#more empathetic when i have to teach i guess. like listen ive got all kinds of fucking learning probs i just wanna help u learn something#how can i help? fucking dyslexia. god. i dont wanna prep for class this weekend. ive gotta show up like yea i kno reading papers is hard at#first but it gets easier! fuck u. its worth the suffering if i enjoy to topic but its always suffering. but thats what i get for going into#academia. thr dr who proscribed me stuff was like well sounds like u have a stress trigger and ur a phd student where life is stress... u#gotta figure out whats gonna work for u. sometimes thats a career change. not in like a pushy way just like: if what u do makes u suffer#then wtf r u doing? and hes got a point. but in contrast to what i was doing this is a massive improvement#well see if its manageable. ugh. i just wanna draw#unrelated
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blue-sadie · 8 months
Text
Temperamental
Neteyam x Mate Reader x Aonung
Summary: they might as well keep you on a leash
Warning: reader gets distracted quiet easily, poly relationship, stress build up, reader has a break down. aged up characters
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Yn/3rd person pov
"umm neteyam" i murmured holding the button down on the intercom that was attached to my neck as I wondered through the unfamiliar part of the island.
"Yes my love" he sighed with exhaustion, I cringed to myself already knowing what his reaction will be to my current situation.
"I uh..... I got lost again" I shamefully admitted and yelped as a little creature jumped out the bush and ran away.
I heard a deep sigh from his end and a soft call for aonung "ok baby we're on our way" he said before his side went dead.
I sat on a small rock and fidgeted with my fingers as I waited, I didn't mean for this to happen its just I've been so distracted lately because I've taken on tasks that I can't seem to keep up with.
And it seems that the village seem to leave a ton of more tasks for me to do and if I don't do them or do them right they give me an almost disappointed look.
It makes it hard to be around the boys because their amazing and exceed their expectations and even more and I'm just here making it more difficult.
I pulled my knees into my chest and wrapped my arms around them tightly sometimes I just feel like a burden to them.
"Yn" my head jerked to the direction of their voices "Im here" I called out to them and walked to their direction "there you are" aonung said and pulled me into his arms.
"you had us worried sick" neteyam muttered and ran a hand through his hair "i-im sorry" I whispered.
"Let's go home" aonung butted in and had his arm around my shoulder as we started making our way back to the village.
It was night time when we got back and the boys were tired so I quickly made a quick meal for them.
"We should keep her on a leash I'm telling you" my eyes flattered in sadness as I heard neteyam speak to aonung.
"Nete come on she was fine" aonung reasoned but neteyam just sighed "she could've gotten hurt" he said making aonung reconsider his words "maybe".
I gulped and quickly brought over their food and decided to eat mine a little ways from them by myself.
Why can't I life up to my expectations why can't I be perfect, all these thoughts clouded my head as i just played with my food not feeling that hungry.
Maybe I just need to sleep this off, I got to my feet and packed up my food and cleaned up before murmuring a 'goodnight' before heading to bed.
It didn't take long for sleep to find me but all I was missing was the boys warmth surrounding me 'maybe their not tired'.
-Next morning-
I woke up feeling a slight tug on my back "w-whats going on" I asked sleepily as I slowly sat up and rubbing my eyes.
"We've decided this will keep you safe" neteyam said as he showed me the rope attached to my back.
My eyes widened "w-what" I pulled at the rope but he held fast "s-stop" I tried taking it off but aonung held my hands so I couldn't.
"Yn" he murmured crouching in front of me as he stared into my eyes "this will keep you safe".
"Please no" I said as tears filled my eyes and my breathing started to become uneven.
"Please" I whispered "why are you crying my love" aonung asked and wiped my tears away.
"I-i can't do it anymore" I cried looking down at my lap "can't do what yn" neteyam voice was full of concern as he sat beside me and wrapped his arms around me.
"I can't be perfect I can never be perfect" I hiccuped my body shaking with each one.
"You are perfect" aonung smiled as he urged me to look at him "but I'm not you guys are you do more then your asked and me I can't even finish my chores without getting side tracked" I sniffed making them coo at me and hold me close.
"I see you finish all your tasks so what are you not finishing" neteyam murmured I sighed heavily "a-a few of the people has asked me to help them out and it seems that a lot of them want me to do their work to" I said.
The boys stared silently before taking off the rope and pulled me back into be "w-what" I asked and blushed as I was sandwiched between them tightly.
"We're sorry we didn't take notice sooner" neteyam whispered and kissed my cheek lightly.
"I'm sorry that we didn't take care of you when you needed it most"
Tag.List
@neteyamyawne @erenjaegerwifee @greekgods15 @sweetirilly
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wonusdoll · 9 months
Text
FLOWERS • PJS
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Synopsis: Jisungs a hopeless romantic and gets jealous easily
Content: fluff! cavity inducing fluff so fluffy i wanna cry
pairing: Childhood Bestfriend!Jisung x reader
notes+ WHY DOES NOBODY WRITE FOR JISUNGGGG i had to take matters into my own hands so here you go :D this was originally gonna contain smut but i couldnt help myself with the fluff anyways, enjoy!!
You and Jisung weren't always friends. When your mom introduced her best friends second grader son, 4th grade you didn't mind. Until he started playing with your stuff, jumping on your bed, stealing your snacks, and blaming you on things he did and getting you in trouble.
Naturally, you started resenting him, dreading when he would come over, and chose to ignore him at school, finding it embarrassing whenever he would go over to you and your friends at the playground and ask to play with them. your friends found him cute, but you, you hated him.
Going into your middle school years, he slowly got more tolerable. He started understanding boundaries but still was the same annoying little kid.
In some point of time, Jisung turned from an annoying little kid who yelled and cried all the time to one of your closest friends. And then when he finally started high school, you guys started hanging out willingly, without his mom forcing him to go over.
Some days you would catch him in your living room watching tv with your dog, or accidentally walking in on him showering in your bathroom, or in your kitchen making ramen. Sometimes he would bring his friends over to your house. You honestly didn't mind that much as long as they never broke anything, or disturbed her in any way, which jisung made sure never happened.
"Jisung?? That you??" You yelled from the top of the stairs after hearing feet shuffling and the front door opening and closing. The two of you made plans to watch horror movies and have a sleepover to celebrate the new season of autumn.
"Nope!" Jisung yelled back, making you go downstairs with a grin. But you immediately furrowed your brows and bit your inner cheek, upon seeing 6 other people. you knew them, jisung would bring them around sometimes but you didn’t know them.
"Jisung, whats going on?"
He grinned annoyingly cutely back and held up some convenience store bags up and nodded towards his friends, "They wanted to hang out but my mom banned us from the house after last time.”
You scoff and look at him like he was crazy, "What- are you kidding me?" You say just above a whisper, flickering your eyes between him and the guys behind him, "I thought we were gonna hang out?? You didn't even ask if it was okay to bring them over? if you wanted to hang out with them instead you should've just told me."
With a smirk, jisung was much closer than you remember him being, he tucked a few stray strands of your hand back, "I'm sorry princess i should have asked, hm? If we're too much of a bother we'll quiet down okay?" He pulled away and looked into your eyes, pleading and begging for uou to say yes.
You mask your flustered state with a sigh and wiping your face with your hand as if annoyed.
"Fine, whatever, just— leave me alone im gonna go study" you warn making him grin and ruffle your hair, juxtaposing his previous act. He's called you princess numerous times before, even when you guys were kids but in that tone, that voice, and devilish smile, it felt different.
You wanted to tell him off for joking around with you like that, making you feel that way. It was something you always felt around him but maybe it was his perfectly messy hair, his oversized hoodie making him look so comfy, his soft plump lips, or his hand in your hair, or the name he called you, but the feeling became overwhelmingly strong, like when a candles been burning for hours and slowly the fire grows bigger and it fills the whole room with its pleasant fumes.
You hung around with them for a bit when you took a break from studying because you couldn't focus. but the reason you couldnt focus was sitting right across from you on the couch, sending lingering glances everybody noticed.
When he catches your gaze you turn away with a light blush but when you catch his, he doesnt shy away, keeping eye contact with you with a look in his eye that you couldnt read for the first time.
In the time you got to formally meet his best friends, you surprisingly got along with all of them. Huang Renjun was the one who stuck out the most out of the 7, other than Jisung who kept eyes on you the whole time.
You got to have a one on one conversation with Renjun about each others favorite music artists, which were quite similar, and art itself. You were already interested in art but with the knowledge and story telling Renjun excitedly provided made you want to learn more. So you guys planned a hang out the next day to an art museum Renjun was fond and familiar with. 
You posted the day out with him on your story with Art Deco - Lana Del Rey in the background.
Jisung always made sure to heart and reply to your story even if it was as simple as an ootd, but this time he didn't. You furrowed your brows and looked at the views and there he was, also active. You tried texting him regularly but you were left on delivered until 7 hours later but all you got was a
"sorry lol"
It hurt your feelings, you couldn't lie. So you texted him again not even 5 seconds later.
"too busy being active to answer? lmfao"
He leaves it on read for a few minutes before replying
"too busy hanging out with renjun? yk we all made plans tgt”
You scoff at his attitude
"whats your problem?? it was HIS choice to hang out with ME. not like you wanted to."
"chill out i just wanted them to meet you, didn't know you were gonna be all over them tho"
"fuck you."
You threw your phone at the end of the bed and hug your pillow against your chest as tears welled up in your eyes. You didn't know why you were so affected by his words, usually you wouldn't even press him so much about not answering, and would just leave him alone but seeing him be so uninterested left a mark on you.
A few nights later you were watching a scary movie in the darkness of your living room when you heard knocks on your front door. you paused the movie to make sure it wasn't from the tv, and when they come again, you look at the time.
"Who's here at 11:30 at night" You whisper to yourself and cautiously approach the door.
Thunder suddenly struck making you whimper and jump back, but you decide to just rip the bandaid off, after all horror movies aren't real right?
"Jisung?!" You exclaim, seeing him standing there out in the pouring rain with his head down ashamed.
"Hey.."
You quickly let him in, taking his soaked coat off and telling him to wait while you get a towel.
He was silent while you scolded him for being out in the rain so late without so much as an umbrella.
He finally brung his hands from behind his back, revealing your favorite flowers in an articulated assorted bouquet wrapped in paper.
"Sorry if they're kind of ruined.. I ran all the way here" He sniffles and scratched his nape awkwardly.
You bite your lip remembering your last interaction, "You wanna tell me why?"
"I'm sorry y/n im so sorry im such a fucking loser and a coward for getting mad at you  I never wanted to hurt you i just was so angry that you hung out with Renjun that i took it out on you without thinking and ive been trying to figure out how to apologize to you so i went to the flower shop like 10 times in the past 2 days because i wanted to get you flowers but you have 5 different favorite flowers so i got 5 different bouquets for you then realized that was too much so i just got one with 2 of your favorites but felt bad that i left out the other 3 so i got another one with all of them but they didn't look good so i spent the whole day learning how to make a bouquet to make it perfect for you then realized it was already night and thundering and you hate thunder so i ran all the way here and now they look horrible and ugly and-"
"JISUNG." You put a stop to his rant with a chuckle and put your hands on his pink dusted cheeks. He pants out and looks in your eyes to find any anger or disgust in them but you were smiling, "Hey its okay, i promise its okay," You take the flowers from his hands and bring them up to your face to smell them, "they're beautiful ji, seriously."
He takes another pan over your face to scan your expression to really make sure you weren't mad and one he realized that, he lets out the breath he was holding and chuckles, then laughs a bit harder.
You laugh along with him then card your fingers through his wet hair, "Did you really learn how to make a bouquet of flowers for me? And run all the way here in the rain?" You ask, softly now.
He smiles and takes your hand away to hold it instead, "Yeah.. you know i would swim across the whole ocean just to get these to you. Also whats wrong with learning a new skill, i always wanted to learn how to.. make assorted flowers.." He dryly chuckles at the end.
you could hear your heart thumping out of your chest when you feel the pressure of his eyes staring into your own, as if trying to answer a question he hasn't asked. so you ask your own.
"Jisung," You start making him nod, "Why were you so upset?" You ask, making you swallow thickly.
and suddenly you're hyper aware of everything going on, your breathing, your blinking, the rain and thunder, his facial expressions, his thumb caressing your hand.
Jisung doesnt answer for a second, trying to find the right words. His mouth was drying up, he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out so he gulped.
He was now holding your hand with both of his hands, "I love you." he blurted, "I love you and Im selfish and only want you to myself, I just wanted to treasure you for my myself and not let other people see how amazing and perfect you are because i was scared you'd fall for them and forget about me so when i saw you were with renjun and saw how excited you were to talk to him and hang out with him i felt.. rejected? in a way? like he had something i didn't to make you feel that way. So i was sad and upset and jealous— god, i was so unbelievably jealous, and i know im not allowed to because we're only best friends and you're allowed to be friends and talk to anybody you want to but i just- i just didn't want you to notice anyone else, and leave me.."
He ended his rant with a sigh and closed his eyes shut, mentally preparing for you to laugh in his face and friend-zone him, but it never came.
When he opened his eyes you were just standing there, not saying anything, with a smile on your face.
You giggled as he looked at you with an expectant look.
“Okay.”
His brows furrowed and his hand started slipping from yours “That- thats it? Just okay? You couldn’t have let me down any better-“
“Okay, I wont leave you.”
His expression softened, watching as you laughed and hugged him tightly, burying your face in his chest, “Jisung park, I will never leave you and you can never leave me, if you do i’ll have to kill you.” You tried to threaten him but he just found you adorable, and picked you up in his arms.
You guys laughter filled the room, bouncing around the rooms, sounding almost louder than the rain and thunder.
Suddenly, your enemy turned into your bestfriend who turned into your lover. And you couldn’t have it any other way.
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pinkandlilacroses · 23 days
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⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆
Angel - Paige bueckers
part 3
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• summary {when an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star}
• warnings {drug use, angst}
• comment if you would like to be added to the taglist
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bella’s pov
“ok you can go now” she says, emotionless
“oh”
“i mean, no offence but i have a girl coming soon, so you cant be here” she says laying on her back, breaking our eye contact
i don’t respond and put my clothes back on. this is fucked
“have a nice night”
i haven’t cried this much in months, walking through the halls, ugly crying.
‘paige’ has been blocked by ‘bella’
“bella whats wrong” avery says, empathetically
“i hate her, i hate her so much” i cry, barley being able to choke the words out
i look at avery after my response and i have never seen her that angry, there could fully be steam coming from her ears.
“please dont talk to her, please dont hurt her, please avery, please” i cry out, begging the infuriated girl
“why not bella, she deserves it” she yells
my tears dont stop and i feel like they will never stop pouring.
“tell me what she did”
i begin the tell her the events of tonight and her anger only grows.
“that fucking bitch” is all she can say in response
“but i blocked her, and im literally never gonna speak to her again” i say, trying to make a positive point, to counteract this negative situation
“you are never gonna speak to her again”
“im gonna go off to bed”
i feel broken, i got used. i wanted my first time with a girl to be meaningful, i know i like girls and i wanted to prove to myself that having sex with girls wasn’t wrong, but i feel wrong, i feel gross. i cant believe i would let myself be that vulnerable with someone i barley know. ive never been the one to have one night stands and ive only ever had sex with someone ive been in a relationship with.
i take my valium, something i swore to never use again after getting addicted, but its the only thing that works.
“hey, how are you feeling” avery ask’s, genuinely. i’ve never seen her be this gentle before
“wheres my weed”
“bella no”
“shut up avery”
i walk to the kitchen and unlock one of the drawers, and i see the stash. thank god
i know i shouldn’t smoke as a coping mechanism, but its the only thing that works, every time something bad happens to me, i turn to smoking
after going through 3 joints, im barley able to talk or stand up. perfect
knock
ugh
knock
fuck off
knock
“who is it” i say, it barley even sounded like words
“its azzi, is avery here”
who the fuck is azzi
“avery theres a bitch here for you” i say taking another drag
“oh my god! hey azzi” avery says, excitedly, why the fuck is she acting like that
“why are you so fucking happy” i ask, knowing full well how rude i sound
“this is azzi, shes in my psychology class and we have gotten pretty close” avery says, grabbing azzi and sitting next to me on the couch
“yo dont sit on my shit” i say, mad
“your bella right?” azzi says, happily. i hate happy people
“yeah”
“yeah avery’s told me alot about you” she says
“cool” i reply, dryly
“azzis on the basketball team” avery says, my eyes widen
“of course she is” i say, sarcastically. i hate basketball
“yeah, have you been to any games” she questioned, attempting to continue this boring conversation
“nah, i dont watch basketball”
“oh well you should sometime, avery keeps saying how she wants to go to a game” azzi says, looking at avery who begins giggling. sus
“bella your probably friends with some people on the team” avery says
“you wanna hit” i offer to azzi
“nah, i dont smoke”
“boring” i say, bluntly
“do you guys mind if some of my friends come over” azzi says
“no, no, thats perfectly fine” avery says, looking at azzi. basically eye fucking her
“who” i ask
“ice, kk, aubrey, nika and ashlee” she lists
fuck my life. im to high to care
“yeah whatever” i say, lazily
“ok perfect, ill tell them to come” azzi says, excitedly
“are you sure” avery whispers to me, being nice. for once
“i dont give a fuck, its fine” i say taking a drag
im so high. god damn
10 minutes later all of azzis friends turn up, why are they all so tall. what the fuck
avery introduces herself to them and points them to our couch
“hey im kk, your bella right” kk asks
“yeah im bella”
“hey im ice”
“hey im nika”
“hey im ashlee”
“hey im aubrey”
to many people to remember
until
“oh paige came to, i hope you dont mind” azzi says to us, mostly avery
avery says nothing, myself included
“hi paige” avery says, extremely cold
“come sit guys” azzi says, breaking the silence. i wish i wasn’t so high cause i wanna go to my room
everyone sits on the couch, paige sitting the furthest away from me. funny. not funny. not laughing
conversation begins and everyone is involved. everyone but me, ugh i’m so uncomfortable
paige keeps looking at me, and yes i’m noticing because i’m looking at her to.
paige’s pov
fuck. why do i keep looking at her.
she blocked me last night so obviously shes mad about my actions last night, its just a hookup, nothing more.
its not that deep
“i’m going to bed” bella says, slurring and barely able to stand up. i didn’t know she smoked that much, i guess i don’t know anything about her. but i don’t care.
“paige are you ready to go” kk and ice say to me
“yeah, aubrey, nika, azzi, u ready to go”
“yeah lets go”
“actually im gonna stay” azzi says. sus
“buy guys” is said in unison
azzis pov
“ugh finally” avery says, while smashing her lips onto mine
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A/N: im being active rn lolll. how do we like avery and azzi
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dollyhao · 6 months
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ameliorate; to make better
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pairing: dina x reader
summary: dina is overwhelmed by all the things that happened in seattle…. and ellie, and being a single mother doesn’t make it any easier. when a sweet woman comes to make her life easier...better.
toni's note: there's nothing to warn about besides a bit angst, it doesn't really get angsty till the next part. im hoping i can make this into 3 parts. thank you for 800 followers by the way!
word count: 1k
you hear the sound of a wailing baby as you make your way back home, you follow the sound. you cant be too sure about these kinda things, what if something bad happened. you stumble upon dina rocking baby jj in a rocking chair on her porch, shushing him trying to console him. dina looks tired and overwhelmed, dark circles under her eyes and unbrushed hair.
you approach her gently not wanting to startle her, “hey, can i try?” you give her a gentle smile pointing at jj. dina tucks a piece of hair behind her ear nodding, “y-yea sure. you can try, hes been crying a lot lately.” you reach for jj bouncing and rocking in a comforting rhythm, chanting soft shushes. jj quiets down letting out a calm gurgle. you look back up at dina seeing her rub her hands down her face in an exhausted manner.
she chuckles, “i cant even get my son to be quiet let alone sleep, ellie was really good at that..” she puts her elbows on her knees putting her face in her hands. you stay quiet letting her have her moment, still rocking jj as he starts to doze off. dina seems to regroup, looking back up at you curiously, “would you like to come in? its getting cold out here.” dina offers standing up. “yea, thanks.”
dina walks into the house and you follow, “no. thank you. i appreciate what you did. “ “where’s his bed?” you ask now that jj is fast asleep. “he sleeps with me, the room is down the hall.” you go to the room, laying jj down, making sure hes comfortable before leaving the room. dina is in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea, “would you like some?” she glances at you over her shoulder. “yes please.” you stand awkwardly, hands in your back pockets swaying a little. she nods over to the living room with 2 cups in her hands. you follow taking a seat on the couch as she hands you a cup.
you thank her, taking a sip. “are you new to jackson? i dont remember ever seeing you before.” you chuckle, “no im not new, ive been here for years now.” you give a shy smile. “oh im sorry, i cant believe ive never noticed you.” “its fine. i preferred to stay to myself anyway. i work at the school. im a teacher,” you sit your cup down looking at her, “i always wanted to approach you, i thought you were beautiful. but you were dating jesse and then after you and jesse broke up, you and ellie made a nice little scene at the party.” you chuckle watching her face flush slightly. “also, im sorry about jesse…. and ellie.” she nods, quiet for a minute before replying. “thank you, for the jesse and ellie thing… and for calling me beautiful.” you smile at her.
you look outside seeing how dark it was getting, “i should get going.” you say standing up. dina stands up too, “thank you again. he probably would’ve cried through the night.” “of course, just let me know if you need my help again. ill be happy to help.” you walk backwards as you talk smiling at her until you run into a wall. “ah, shit..” you say rubbing the back of your head. dina laughs and follows you to the door as you turn around and walk correctly. “ill be sure to ask for your help again.” she says giving you a soft, genuine smile.
a week later, you walk into the dining hall as maria is walking out, “hey maria, is there anything you needed from me?” you wanted to make sure there wasn’t something you were suppose to be doing that you forgot about. “no. nothing that i can remember. im about to take this to dina, i wanna make sure shes staying fed.” “ill take it to her!” you say a little too eagerly for your taste. for the last week, you’ve been trying to find any excuse to visit dina and jj when you weren’t busy. dina doesn’t seem to ever object to the company. she appreciates you coming around and talking to her and playing with the baby. so when this opportunity pops up, of course your gonna take it. “let me grab myself a plate and ill take hers to her.” you say taking the plate out her hands. “well ok. thank you.” you smile before walking away.
you get to dina’s door knocking with the two plates in your hands. dina opens the door looking a little breathless, “oh, hey.” she gives you one of her soft smiles shes been giving you quite a lot. “hey, i brought you food. not sure if you ate or not.” “right.. food. i definitely forgot to eat. “ she says rubbing a hand through her hair. she gives another small smile, but this one doesn’t reach her eyes. “thats ok. i have food for you, lets not dwell to much on a honest mistake. k?” she nods. you hear a baby cry in the background, “i see you have two plates. wanna come in and eat? i was just feeding jj.” “id love to” you respond walking in.
you guys walk to the dining table where you find jj in a high chair. “hey baby boy!” you say tickling his belly, he lets out a squeal/giggle. you and dina sit on either sides of him after a minute, you see dina subtly go to smell herself. she lets out a wince, “um do you mind feeding him while i go take a shower.” you nod, “of course.” you say as you slide his food bowl over to yourself. you give dina a reassuring smile letting her know its ok.
when dina gets out the shower and is dressed, she walks in the living room while brushing her hair seeing you and jj on the carpet in her living room playing. she smiles, it felt good being able to enjoy a shower without rushing out to jj. she trusts you with jj almost the way she trusted ellie with him. yall look her way, both you and jj smiling at her. she comes and joins, both of you enjoying the sweet giggles of the cute baby.
(part 1)
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leonscape · 2 months
Text
my honest thoughts/criticisms of chevalier
i’m gonna get canceled so hard for this. but it’s fandom and we are all allowed to share our opinions and discuss them
i know i am in the minority. of course we will always have a few people who like or dislike a certain thing so im not going to claim that im the only one that feels like this.
this is not to disrespect chevalier or his fans. i just wish to share my opinion and i know im subjecting myself to criticism as well. i’ll just cry about it later
you probably shouldn’t read if you don’t want to hear someone complain about chevalier 😅
but do read if you wish to see chevalier from the point of view from someone who isn’t a fan of his.
with his cold nature and emotions, as a reader, it is very difficult for me to develop a connection to him. he has nothing to latch onto.
i will go into detail on what i mean by something to latch onto so i will go off on a tangent here, feel free to skip this. for example on this idea of something to latch onto: with jin, the comedy is easy to connect to. his story is able to explain why he does the things he does and it does build up emotion between emma (or you the reader) and jin. with clavis, it is easy to admire his hard work. he also purposely pokes and prods to bother emma which brings out emotions. for leon, he brings comfort and warm emotions, it’s easy to get attached. yves is also quite comical as well, but he’s also very kind and it’s not hard to connect with him. licht, nokto, and luke’s stories are very heavy as it deals with abuse and negligence so it’s not hard to develop empathy for them.
for chevalier, he simply just is. no event has influence over chevalier. he is described as always being the way that he is. he was born a genius. he was reading books on complex topics, seemingly ever since he learned how to read. he always appeared emotionless; he sheds blood without batting an eye. it came to a point where it scared his own mother. he just has photographic memory. i know it’s possible for some to have such a thing, but it’s simply just given to him. i dare say he has never worked for anything in his life. everything has been given to him and he’s never struggled. if he’s so intelligent and everything is so easy for him, he doesn’t need to break a sweat in putting in effort. there is nothing to inspire a sort of connection. it’s hard to feel bad for someone who is quite apathetic and unbothered.
although, i do think it’s perfectly fine to have a character like this. there is a way to have chevalier be this inhumanly perfect person. for me, i actually really like the idea of him being into romance novels. it is very endearing and it does bring out a human side. but they don’t do anything with it! i say this because it feels like emma and chevalier’s relationship is one sided. all the effort is coming from emma. emma is the one that has to prove to chevalier the value of love. chevalier doesn’t do anything to contribute to developing the relationship. it’s only about emma proving its worth, thus it feels like the effort falls on emma alone. when he is shown to care about emma and have feelings for her, it feels unnatural to me. because how is he gonna develop an intimate relationship with some he’s known for one month, putting in little effort, when he barely has relationships with his brothers, where he puts no effort, and some of whom do care for him (i’m trying to get at jin who cares for him and leon who’s never expressed any fear when interacting with him.)
my overall point here is that it would be nice if we did have chevalier put in effort, or more effort if that tickles your fancy. have him imitate what he reads in books since he has no experience. this would make it feel like he is putting in effort and it would really highlight his charming clumsy affection. personally, i can really relate and connect to this; when i write romance, i mimic what i read and see in media because i have not experienced it for myself yet. it’s an easy fix but it means so much!
something i noticed is that many people say that, “chevalier never received love/affection from his parents, therefore he has a hard time expressing himself emotionally [we should praise him when he does so].” this is a sound argument, i agree with this, i do think he deserves praise. however, i cannot fully support this statement. he does the bare minimum and people applaud him for it because he has never known love and affection. take leon for example. now i am not comparing leon and chevalier because leon is my favorite, i am using leon’s story to draw this comparison. leon doesn’t know his parents, therefore he never received loved from them. his “adoptive” parents also never had a lot of love to give. it would be accurate to say that he never experienced love and affection. i bring these two points up to compare it to chevalier who also never received love from his parents. this shows that receiving love from one or both parents does not affect their characters here. you could even argue the same with sariel who has little to no memories of his own parents. although i guess you could also argue that the king became his father..
so to sum that all up, his cold nature and his inability to express emotions are not the result of the absence of parental love and affection. so for me, this argument feels like something that’s meant to make you pity chevalier, when the same could be said for leon which isn’t acknowledged at all.
another thing i find interesting is that we have interpreted chevalier’s memorization of the name’s of knights as an emotional thing. chevalier himself expresses it as an obligation as a royal and i just think it’s interesting how he looks at it from a duty standpoint versus our emotional standpoint. because it’s not explicitly stated, one could assume that he doesn’t do for an emotional reason, but rather it’s just his job to honor those that have died for the kingdom in service to the royal family.
something else that i think should be talked about is how chevalier is put on this weird pedestal. he’s always labeled as a genius while the other guys never get praised for their intelligence or accomplishments. it gets tiring to hear “chevalier is a genius” over and over in the game and it doesn’t hold any weight because every brother is quite intelligent. it’s also much more telling than showing.
chevalier and charisma: i have expressed this opinion before and i would like to take this opportunity to explain and defend myself. i think the word authoritative describes him rather than charismatic. authority still implies respect and loyalty. charisma on the other hand is closer to charm and likability. the reason why i disagree with the idea that intelligence equals charisma is because you can be dumb as a box of rocks and still have charisma. there is a reason why people love sweet himbo characters. intelligence isn’t the determining factor here, it’s about how likable you are. charismatic people (with good or bad intentions) make things sound good and inspire loyalty because they are charming, they are likable. not because they are smart. they are able to get people to follow them because they know how to use their charm to play their cards, they don’t need to be a genius to figure it out. if you have to change the definition of charismatic, then he’s most likely not charismatic. chevalier doesn’t try to be likable. he never explains himself and he just does what he deems as necessary, even if it’s not the kindest thing or if the majority doesn’t agree with him. therefore, charismatic is not an accurate description of his character.
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this was actually just a long rant and not helpful at all. i don’t think anyone is gonna read all of it anyway. ok im done committing social sui/cide
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kenlvry · 1 year
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kyle brofloski x reader
cw, kyle is somewhat manipulative. kyle is a playboy. one shot. 19-20. he begs for you to stay. hes on his knees for you, he's literally head over heels for you. drabble.
Kyle brofloski. just a few days ago he was blabbering to you and raising his voice at you for 'staring' at kenny differently or being 'too friendly' with clyde, he couldnt help it, the way they were staring at you was like how he stared at you when he first saw you. he yelled at you almost everytime for talking for too long with any guy but here he was surrounded by three girls at the bar smiling and smirking while they touch and flirt with him.
you let out a sigh and smile while running your fingers through your hair. you grabbed your bag and left the club, kyle saw your glimpse and immediately ran out after you, apologizing to the girls.
rushing out the door finding you stand there calling an uber to pick you up and bring you home. "babe, whats going on we just got here you wanna leave already?" he pulled you making you turn to him. he grabbed your phone and ended the call between you and the driver "and i can drive you home." you scoff and cross your arms "oh yeah? then should i just watch you get flirted by three girls?"
he sighs and roll his head back "cmon, they were js tryna talk to me you can have just as much fun as im having" you rolled your eyes at his remark "but then if i try to talk to any guy you'd go nuts as if im trying to fuck every guy i see" you tilt your head to the side slightly raising your eyebrow. "im not like that stop, all the guys that has tried talking to you have dreamt about getting in your pants"
"maybe i shouldve just let them get in my pants, im walking home." you turn around and before you could move he pulled your bag making you stop in your tracks and look back at him with an angry look. "what the hells wrong with you? you've never cared so much that i talk to other girls, calm down" that was your breaking point. "calm down? kyle are you hearing yourself? while you're over there acting like the playboy of the century im over here standing alone because the girls think im a fucking loser and you wont let me talk to guys, im done kyle im so sick of having to limit myself to girls only maybe its my fault maybe im not the loyal girl you wanted but if it makes me the bad guy then so be it, goodbye im breaking up with you" you pull your bag from his hands and turn around to walk away from him.
"please im sorry" you stopped, never has kyle apologized for something "please dont leave me im sorry" his voice sounded like he was on the verge of tears, you turn around and his nose was red. "are you crying? dont make yourself the victim kyle."
he walked to you and grabbed your bag "I'll hold your bag, let you wear my shoes because of how much it hurts wearing those heels I'll even go on my knees just please dont leave me" he dropped down on his knees grabbing your hand and looked up at you with glossy eyes.
your eyes widen and stood shock "kyle wtf get up people might see" you pulled him up and just as hes on his feet he turns to liquid, his head laying on your shoulder and hugging you, the scent of your perfume driving him crazy hes just containing it.
hes sniffling while rambling sorry multiple times not letting go and tightening his grip on you. you sigh, it was manipulative sure but.. cmon how could you refuse "fine, im not breaking up with you just stop embarrassing me, lets go home" he looks at you with shine in his eyes and a big smile plastered on his face.
"I'll drive you home" he says and you roll your eyes and smile. you walk to his car while he follows behind you holding your bag, his hands holding you shirt not letting go like a clueless dog.
oh how he wishes you know how much of a grip you have on him, that if you ask him to do anything he'd obey. hes deeply inlove with you, you just dont know it.
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