#im not even gonna say anything . read at your own risk

[prettyboykatsuki]

✮  tags ; top + gn!reader (no desc of parts but reader is fucking him), unabashed daddy kink, implied verse, small age gap, bottom megumi, petnames (boy, baby) thorough discussion of megumis daddy issues in exactly the direction you think, 18+

✮ wc ; 1.3k

✮  a/n ; i haven't slept . im not responsible for anything. will not be taking questions at this time. 🫡

He's the prettiest thing you've ever seen in your life.

You tell him as much. He pretends to hate hearing it. Soft features bend at hard angles to convincingly drive in the fact that he detests it. Megumi is always like that. For the years you've known him - anything he's at risk of playing his hand too quickly, he retracts. You think that's why you're so addicted to getting him to let go.

He scowls, has the signature Zenin mean mug that almost makes the whole schtick convincing. You know better though. Maybe because you've known him since highschool, or maybe because you simply find him easy to read.

You've never met someone so touchstarved or so delicate all while being so, so mean. There's a lot Megumi can do but he's shit at hiding when something bothers him. When he's irritated, he's petulant and when he's pleased - you'd almost describe him as docile. In his own way. In the way a dog who used to cage fight could be.

You have an interesting relationship to Megumi. You're a stray just like him - with your family being a Zenin lapdog and you being their black sheep. You have a lot to relate on, but Megumi finds your attitude grating. Finds the harshness of your personality difficult, and finds the finesse you have for slaughter and violence to be nauseating.

It's probably why he makes wide, wet eyes at you whenever you're alone. Closest thing he has to someone he can depend on with more experience. You're quick to appraise his work when you go on trips together. Despite your acting smug and Megumis frustration about your attitude, he soaks up the praise like a pretty little sponge. He's only a few years younger than you though, despite how he acts.

(Sometimes you think he wants the gap to be a little wider. )

A cute kid, only two years younger than you. Soft, striking green eyes. Soft lips. A mean little glare and spiky mop of black hair to compliment pale, cream colored skin. Megumi blushes easy, bruises even easier. His knees and elbows are a pretty cherry-blossom pink like something out of a movie scene.

The first time you fuck Megumi, its mostly because you're drunk and interested. It'd be stupid to not be interested in a face so pretty and desperate for approval.

All times after that are false happenstance. You make a routine of it - a silent game that makes it look like you're coercing him so he doesn't have to accept his own wants with any seriousness. You're cool with the ambiguity cause you're a little sick in the head. It's enough to fuck him, and sometimes when you're generous - to have him fuck you.

Megumi is pretty when he's being fucked. He changes his tune fast when his dick is a little hard and his guard is down - never thought that bratty little fucker could whine like he's in heat until you pulled the sounds out of his mouth yourself.

You always reaffirm how much he loves attention and praise and pampering when you fuck Megumi. He likes when you appraise him like that too. Soft compliments about his pretty little hole and the tightness of his waist. You manage it with relative ease. Makes your whole core throb just to see how much he twitches over something so slight and so easy. Such a mean fucking kid - such a brat, all welled up anger and abandonment issue.

Sometimes you wanna make him cry from him pain.

But most times, like now - you offer Megumi sweet pleasure. Give him that gentle, doting authority that he seems to fiend for. Desperate for reprieve in a way that stains his face, despite his attempts to brush it off.

Megumi takes dick like he was born for it. Slender fingers grip at your waist and claw at your back like he wants to rip you in half - tear you limb from limb but his legs wrap around your waist like he'd die if you left him for one fucking second. Megumi likes being full, you think. And he likes more when you praise him for taking your cock with such ease.

It's not rocket science to figure out he has some issues with authority. That distant relationship with his sensei and absent father make it obvious that he never wants to let anyone get too close. He could never really entertain certain relationships, he could never actually ask for approval. It's too little, too late.

Still, it surprises you a little when you first hear him say daddy. Not a lot, but enough that you pause in mid-thrust to stare at him a bit. He's mortified at the realization.

But you're not much less of a scumbag you figure, than all the figures in his life. You nod instead, feel arousal spark up in your stomach and claw it's way into your throat as you fuck him even harder.

("Daddy, huh?" You laugh because it's funny and you think the feeling of being so turned on you pass out is inappropriate. "Sure, baby. I'll be your daddy if you want." )

He doesn't say shit to you about it afterwards. Can barely look you in the during your post-sex aftercare and chat - though that conversation is never particularly romantic. You think the whole thing makes him want to die, so you don't really bring it up outside of a knowing look.

But it happens more often than that. Like a dam breaking, something slips and now Megumi can't close it despite how desperately he seems to want too. It's not even that you're particularly into it at the start.

But well, he's pretty. Prettiest little thing you've ever seen in your life, even though he's tall and strong. He's got this grace that overwhelms you into fucking him dumb whenever you can. Try as you might, you will is not strong enough to not lust over someone like him calling you daddy. That level of unprecedented whining, the affection, the need in such an embarrassing word makes your feel so horny you can barely think.

So, it doesn't particularly surprise you when Megumi calls you daddy. Not anymore.

He's weepy in the face, somewhere in the distance - and he's still wearing his pajamas when you come see him. The scene is uncomfortably domestic between two people who aren't dating, but you don't really care either way. Megumi is pretty everywhere, but he's especially needy getting fucked on his kitchen counter sitting up to cling to you.

His arms around your shoulders, face drawn together with shameless embrassed. His cock is twitchy, leaking against the flat plane of his stomach with unbridled enthusiasm. He says it in a whisper today which you can't help but find cute.

It's raw in the back of his throat, mildly gravelly as his nails dig into your shoulders with an enthusiastic whine. "Daddy. Fuck, please, can't."

"What's daddy's boy want huh?" You say, obviously mocking - a hand wrapped around shaft with a thumb over his slit. Megumi shivers. Lets out a shameful moan at the word boy that makes you laugh hard, makes your head spin dizzy with lust.

"Wanna cum," He says, but doesn't beg. Doesn't know how and couldn't figure it out if you paid him. You've spoiled him rotten after all. Filthy, really but he's prettier when he's acting precious. At least to you. "Make me cum, daddy please."

"Really milking it today, huh boy?" You chuckle and all he does is whimper. "Okay, okay. So fucking needy. Go on and cum, baby. Cum for daddy."

Megumi lets out a whine. A sound you barely knew he had in him as you say it that time and you laugh again and again as you bottom out. You watch him squirm as he finally finishes, back arching off the counter as the pleasure runs through him.

His face is still hazy when he comes down. Still beautiful in that way that makes you want to fuck him stupid and indulge for the rest of your life.

"Feel good, baby?"

He blushes faint and doesn't bother pushing you away. "Mm."

[makethemhoesmad]

love you till my lungs give out

paige bueckers x reader

word count- 2k(lord)

notes: this fic was such a great write for me, as it focuses around eating disorders, which is something i’ve personally struggled with. i know this is a sensitive topic, so please, if this makes you uncomfortable, scroll away, or read at your own risk.

thanks to: literally the biggest thanks ever to @melpthatsme for dming me your idea and helping me work through it, i really could not have done this without you, so everyone thank them

also thanks to @imaginespazzi and @bueckersstrap for reacting to my random messages about this

—

the first time it happened, i barely realized i did it.

“paigey, my head hurts so bad right now. like, im gonna die right here,” i groan, hiding my face in the fabric of her hoodie, trying to lock out any stray amounts of light coming from the covered windows. she runs her hand through my hair, and starts to ever-so-gently massage my temples. i sigh in quiet relief, and then she tries to pull me up to lay on top of her.

“uh uh, paige, no,” i say. i try to shake my head at her, but a bolt of pain flies through me, forcing my head back down.

“jus’ tryna help you get comfy, ma,” she whispers, bundling me up in a blanket and pulling me back into her side. she moves her warm hands up and under my t-shirt, but i squirm about, complaining that they’re too cold, even though i’ve never felt anything more soft and warm, so she moves them back over my shirt. but i don’t notice it, not really. and neither does she.

the second time, i know what i did.

“so, what should we order to eat?” paige asks, scrolling on her phone for different options.��

“mm, what if i cooked here, for something different! i can make you a grilled cheese,” i joke, nudging her arm with my shoulder. “that’s all i know how to cook anyway.”

she giggles, standing up with me and following me to the kitchen. she hoists herself onto the counter, and watches me intently as i pull out the things for a sandwich. i grin at her, moving to step in between her legs and take her face in my hands. 

“you’re so cute,” i say, pressing a kiss to her nose. she hops off of the counter and follows me to the stove. paige is just too sweet to me sometimes. i’m cooking dinner for her, the least i can do, really, and she’s cozied up behind me, arms around my waist her hands are barely touching, she can barely fit them around me and her chin is resting softly on my shoulder. she’s pressing light pecks to whatever area she can reach, and i feel at peace, in the kitchen, for a few moments. then it stops.

“why aren’t you making one for yourself baby?” she asks, spinning me around to lean me against the countertop, forgetting her sandwich beside her.

“i’m feeling, um, nauseous,” i stutter, stumbling over the excuse. she lets me go, though she looks skeptical.

“cmon, just have a bite of mine then. baby, you really need to eat more, that’s probably why you haven’t been feeling very well lately.”

i allow her to feed me a small bite, then quickly use my fingers to silently add that to whatever else i ate today. i read somewhere that to lose weight, you need to burn more calories that you eat. tomorrow, i need to burn around 800. Well, 804 now. 

the third time, i think paige noticed something was up.

“ma, this is literally the fourth time you’ve said that you’re cold. just take my fucking hoodie, i’m actually begging you,” she pleads, taking it off and offering it up to me. i shake my head, again, and press myself further into her chest, rubbing my arms to try and make the goosebumps disappear. she pulls me into her, then moves her mouth to my ear.

“is everything okay baby? do you wanna go home?” she whispers, nuzzling my neck with her nose. i shrug, not wanting to make her leave if she wasn’t done chatting with people yet. she makes the decision for me, standing up and tugging me with her. her hand finds its way to the small of my back, and she guides me towards the door. i sway slightly as we stand, blood rushing to my head. i take it as my lack of protein, or anything really, catching up to me. she stops walking, lurching to grab me by both shoulders and bend to eye level with me.

“darling, i want you to be honest with me. what have you eaten today?” i shake my head, feeling my cheeks going red at the thought of her confronting me. i look down, trying to avoid eye contact with her as my eyes fill with tears. she wraps me up into a hug, planting a kiss to the top of my head. she pulls me to the car and helps me in, then climbs into her own door, but makes no move to turn the car on. instead she pulls out her phone and asks me “so, where do you wanna stop and pick up food on our way home?” 

“paige, i’m really not that hungry, just tired and need to be with you in bed for the night. can we please just go home?” 

she nods, but looks at me skeptically out of the corner of her eye. she must know that all i’ve eaten today is half an energy drink and a piece of gum. i’ll eat something with her tomorrow, i guess. we can go out to lunch together and then when she goes to the gym ill go on a run. then she’ll see that im okay.

the fourth time, or probably the fifth or sixth, really, i don’t notice it, so i don’t think she does either.

“cmere pretty,” paige mumbles, reaching her arms out to me from where she’s laying on the bed. i slowly move to lay next to her, but roll away when she tries to take my sweater off.

“hey, baby, what?” she whines, apparently frustrated by the lack of contact.

“i wanna leave it on, paigey,” i tell her, moving my hand into the waistband of her shorts.

“but i wanna see you, please baby,” i don’t like saying no to her, but this is one thing i very rarely back down on.

“uh uh, sorry. lemme taste you, though,” i respond, moving to tug her shorts down.

“nah, come and sit on my face, cutie.” she smirks at her own words, but i’m not laughing. i scramble off the bed, standing up to black spots in my vision. i stand still, squeezing my eyes shut to get rid of the feeling. i stay there for im not sure how long, when i feel strong arms loop around my shoulders and help me onto the bed. paige helps me lay down, placing my head in her lap, then starts to comb through my hair with her fingers. she doesn’t say anything, and i’m grateful for that. obviously, she just thinks im tired. she knows im okay.

this time, im sure she noticed. it would be hard not to.

i’ve just come home from a run to the gym, dripping in sweat. it’s part of my new routine. i jog a mile and a half to the gym, i walk on a stairmaster or inclined treadmill there, then run home. normally i leave when paige leaves for practice, and come home just as she’s getting home, if not a little before so i can shower before she gets here. today, i must’ve done a little too much, because by the time i walk in the door, my head is spinning. i walk into the kitchen, sitting down at the island and resting my head in my hands, trying to clear my vision. i don’t hear when the door opens.

“baby, are you okay?” i hear. i sit up quickly, startled, then put my head back down immediately, because my vision goes nearly dark again.

“mhm, just tired you know? just got back from a run.” 

“you’ve got to take a rest day sometimes, darling,” she coos, taking my face into her hands and pressing a kiss to my nose. i nod, knowing i won’t do it.

sometimes i don’t realize it, but she knows exactly what to do.

i’ve just finished cooking dinner, just some simple spaghetti and a salad. i place her bowl of noodles in front of her, then settle down with my salad. when i stand up to get a glass of water, then come back, i can’t help but notice she’s switched our bowls.

“paigey, could i, possibly, maybe, have my bowl back?” i ask, trying to seem lighthearted.

“oh, yeah, sure,” she answers, sliding it back towards me. but when i try to slide hers back, she stops me. 

“nah, you eat that too. seems like you forgot to serve yourself noodles, so ill go make myself a new bowl.” she stands up, but i scramble in front of the stove quicker, blocking her way. 

“why would you do that, when i made you a whole bowl? eat it,” i tell her, pointing back to the countertop. she lunges at me, lifting me easily and placing me on the countertop. why would she pick me up? she definitely thought i was too heavy. i bet she leaves after this. she drags her my bowl over, twirls a few noodles onto the fork, and begins to prod my mouth with it. 

“cmon honey, just a bite. it’s not like it’s poison, you literally just cooked it,” she presses. i start to shake my head, so she moves the fork and instead swoops in for a kiss. i return her advances eagerly. hoping it distracts her. she moves her head down, pressing open mouthed kisses to my neck, and my mouth falls open. i don’t realize she’s noticed that until she’s setting the forkful of food between my lips and lightly closing them.

“it’s one bite, ma. let’s get it eaten, then you can be done.” i chew, not really having the choice to run and spit it out. once i swallow, she beams at me.

“such a good girl, baby. i’m so proud of you.”

at some point, she wins

“come here now, baby,” paige demands, grasping me by the waist and yanking me in front of her. i’d been about to climb into the shower when she spotted me through the bathroom mirror, stripped down to nothing. she’d grabbed me, pulled me into my room, and positioned us in front of the full-length mirror to the side.

“you see how perfect you are? how pretty?” she mumbles into my ear. i let my eyes flutter shut as she snakes her hand down my body, stopping to circle her finger over my clit. a groan slips out from my lips, and she stops.

“alright, i want you to keep on looking right in the mirror, ma. want you to see how perfectly you take my fingers.” i writhe against her, trying to keep my eyes open and hold myself up at the same time. she plunges three fingers into me. i cry out, locking eyes with her in the mirror, she smirks, the same way she always does when drawing a climax from me. i go boneless. if she hadn’t been holding me so tightly, i would be on the floor.

“now can you see how amazing you are? you don’t gotta change anything about you, i’ll love you no matter what. you should stop listening to what others say, because people that love you, like me, want you, no matter what you look like. i, personally, think you’re perfect. i’ll love you till the day my lungs give out, and even then, i’ll use my last breath to say it again.”

after that, it happens less often. some days, i still forget to eat, and some days even looking at a scale makes me want to throw up. but paige is always there. she’s always there to hold me, or help me eat just a little bit, or to help me lay down and relax after i’ve panicked so hard ive puked into the toilet. one day, looking at her from across the couch, i realize that when she told me she’d love me no matter what, she was telling the truth.

[uriekukistan]

JJK 261 ANALYSIS: What happened, how, why Yuuta made the choice he did, and a discussion of tragedy & major themes of JJK

MAJOR spoilers below the cut so please read at your risk.

i wanted to dissect what happened a bit, and address a few points i saw floating around since the leaks dropped. of course, these are all my interpretations, so feel free to disagree, i just had a lot of thoughts floating around that i wanted to put out for discussion.

I. Gojo was never coming back

first of all, i don't know how you guys expected him to survive bisection. i said this earlier in the day as my justification for why i didn't think gojo was coming back, prior to leaks, and i don't think i can say it any better now.

and this is just my interpretation of reverse curse technique, but if anything, yuuta in this chapter supports my theory. in the scene where he's on shoko's table and arata nitta says that he's used rct to keep the wounds from getting worse, but it might be too late for yuuta to recover. in that case, gojo wasn't coming back from being sliced in half. it's just not possible.

additionally, and this is another thing that i've said for a long time. he says right in episode 6 (i forgot the chapter) that his dream is to reset the jujutsu world raise up a generation of strong students that work together. that is why he became a teacher. this very clearly comes from his relationship with suguru, and it's one of gojo's clearest motivations from the beginning.

the problem is, in order to achieve this, he has to die. so long as satoru gojo is alive, he will have to carry the burden of being the strongest alone. his students won't have to work together, because gojo will just take care of everything. this is already in the works, with how many people have come together to stand against sukuna. if gojo lived and defeated sukuna on his own, this wouldn't have happened, and bringing him back would, again, reduce the need for his students work together.

unfortunately, gojo has been doomed by the narrative from the start, and his primary goal as a character basically requires his death to be realized in its entirety.

II. They're not heroes, they're jujutsu sorcerers.

yeah, i'm stealing megumi's line because it's true. he literally said it twice for a reason, and then yuuta said a repackaged version of it in this chapter ("we're about to fight history's strongest jujutsu sorcerer. if we can win by throwing away our humanity, we shouldn't even be arguing about this").

trust, all the characters are well aware of the ethical issues with taking gojo's body after he's dead, both with what it means for gojo, and with what it means for yuuta. but this isn't a story about heroism, this isn't a story about the power of friendship. if it was, yuuji would have saved junpei all the way back at the beginning of the series. it was pretty clear from the start that this wasn't going to be the typical shounen manga like that.

in fact, expecting it to be is unrealistic. it's unrealistic in real life too, if i'm being so honest. everyone wants to think they'd take the moral high road in this type of situation, but the reality is, when you're fighting tooth and nail against an opponent that is fighting dirty, you have to fight dirty too if you want to win, and i think that's what yuuta is trying to point out in this chapter.

this happens in real life wars which im not gonna get into examples because i dont want to start that kind of discourse, but like...it's so great to be idealistic and hope that virtue will triumph simply because it is virtuous, but i think if you take a look around, you'll realize it's true that good people do not get what they deserve simply because they're good (that's so megumi of me to say...). or if you think of it like a board game, if a player is cheating, it is infinitely harder to win without cheating yourself.

maybe this is a bit pessimistic of me to say, but you will not win a dirty fight without getting dirty yourself, and i think it's pretty clear that sukuna fights dirty.

additionally, it's shitty to see gojo be weaponized, and i understand that, but it plays into the themes about strength in jjk, which i will get into.

III. This was not an "ass pull."

i don't really have much to say to this. did you think yuuta wouldn't take kenjaku's technique? plus, kenjaku being eaten by rika is probably the only surefire way to ensure that they're dead and won't just hop to another body. i've already said why gojo wouldn't come back, but it makes sense that if yuuta were to copy kenjaku's technique, who else would he body hop into, if not gojo? there's already narrative evidence to support this action, from the guidelines of yuuta's technique, kenjaku's technique, and gojo's technique, to the character of yuuta okkotsu, which i want to do an analysis in a separate post for him, so i won't get into that right now.

idk...to me, all the threads connect, plus i felt like yuuta's return was foreshadowed pretty heavily in 259 & 260, with the mention of yuuta's plan that yuuji couldn't know, and then on the last page of 260, the comparison of sukuna and yuuta, so for me, i always thought that it was not actually gojo, but yuuta at the end of 260.

IV. Themes of JJK: The burden of being "the strongest," or even just strong

even many jjk fans see gojo as "the strongest," and nothing more, doing exactly what the narrative sets up as one of the chief problems of jjk. a lot of gojo's actions are spurred on by the burden he feels from being the strongest modern sorcerer. his entire character is built around this problem of the responsibility and burden that falls on someone who's considered to be "the best" at anything.

in fact, this is also a driving point for geto too, and the conflicts geto and gojo come into with each other, as well as geto's inevitable fall from grace. it all comes from this issue that's at the core of jujutsu society. gojo recognizes that, and, as i mentioned, that is why he became a teacher. so that no young sorcerers will feel the burden of being the strongest alone.

the problem is this is easier said than done. after gojo dies, this burden gets passed down to yuuta, and he feels that immense pressure, which is why he decides to do what he does. he says "haven’t we been pushing the burden of being a monster onto gojo-sensei alone? if gojo-sensei is gone, then who else will be the monster? If no one intends to become one, then I will!" and i think this really powerful evidence of the pressure and burden of being the strongest, and i think the word monster is really important here. the burden pushes people to be something they're not, a shadow of their true self.

it distorts morality, like with geto. it isolates people, like with gojo. it forces people to go to unspeakable lengths to uphold their burden, like with yuuta. it leads people with immense power to doubt themselves, like with megumi. it leads people to feel like a cog in the machine, not a human, like with yuuji.

this is sooo so important and a key theme of jjk, and this chapter in particular, and the driving force behind yuuta's actions.

V. Themes in JJK: Loneliness and Isolation

this one has, in my opinion, a bigger role in the story overall than just in this chapter.

as i mentioned before, gojo is lonely. the only person who could understand him was geto, and he turned away from him, and then died. he seems like a silly guy or whatever, but it's just a mask.

but geto also felt alone and isolated, and that's why he turned away. between gojo and geto, neither of them were able to put share the burden of carrying their strength alone, and it's what kept them apart and made their relationship so tragic.

arguably, and though he would never admit it, sukuna is also lonely, though it's buried deep within him and something he will likely never acknowledge, despite it, and his lack of understanding of love (arguably a symptom of his loneliness), are major reasons for the way he acts.

yuuta, though supported by maki, inumaki, and panda in a way that the previously mentioned characters are not, is still isolated. he alone carries the burden of his strength. he was also alone his whole life after rika died, and then again when he was shipped off to africa, away from his friends (yeah he had miguel, maybe i'm missing something, but i dont see them having that type of relationship.

not only that, but yuuta recognizes gojo's loneliness, and reaches out to tell him not to try to stand by himself once again, and gojo admits that's something he can't do, the reason being his relationship with geto.

even further, yuuji and megumi, the parallel to satosugu, are both deeply lonely, except for when they have each other. i mentioned in this analysis that the reason megumi can't just get up and keep going is because he's alone and has been for over a month. i want to get into this more in my next point.

VI. Where I think (hope) this leads for JJK

a satisfying ending for jjk, in my opinion, would be the resolution to this loneliness and burden of strength issue that has been present throughout the narrative. something like yuuji being able to save megumi and them being able to correct what went wrong with satosugu in their own relationship.

personally would like to see satosugu reach the ending they should have had through the itafushi parallels - let them save each other! but i do know gege said only one of them (the trio + gojo) will die, or only one will live....that was years ago maybe he changed his mind :D

we all want to see yuuji take down sukuna himself, but i think it would be a great resolution to see everyone take down sukuna as a team. no one person is alone, no one person has the burden of the strongest. i know i said this wasn't a "power of friendship" manga, and i stand by that, but i think this would be the perfect ending. yuuta throws his humanity away to do what he did in 261 because he felt like it was the only choice and it was something he alone could do, but yuuji represents unwavering humanity (literally his name), and i think to preserve that, they all need to share that burden. let them realize they need each other.

this is what gojo died for, and this is what he lived for. this is why he became a teacher in the first place- to raise a generation that can be strong together, that can support one another.

VII. "It's poorly written torture porn!" "There's no point if there's no happy ending!" etc

i said this in a separate post but tragedies have existed in literature since the 6th century BCE, 2600 years ago. many of the most popular stories throughout history have been tragedies, for example, orpheus & eurydice, romeo & juliet, even things like the fault in our stars and the titanic movie. here's a quick explanation of what it means for a story to be a tragedy (yeah it's from wikipedia but they want me to pay to access the original source and im not doing that for a jjk analysis)

one of things i like most about this definition is the use of the word "catharsis," which is to say that the expression of strong emotions is a way of bringing about renewal and relief. in literature, it's used to say that with the arousal and following release of negative emotions relieves suppressed emotions for the viewer. im not gonna get too personal with it, but i know i've experienced this with jjk.

additionally all of the aforementioned tragedies, they have a message, no matter how sad they are. orpheus & eurydice inspires perseverance and faith in the gods. even something like titanic has messages about everlasting love that overcomes all boundaries. jjk has its message too, and it's long underway. we just have to wait for it to reach its conclusion.

it's easy to lose sight of the bigger picture when we only get one chapter a week, and the fact that the pain is so dragged out is a bit tiring, i'll admit. but that doesn't mean it's bad. having negative emotions stirred by a story doesn't mean bad writing. i mean, i would hope you feel sad. i would hope you feel angry. i would be concerned if you didn't. but given that jjk is a tragedy, that just indicates good writing. especially these last two chapters, i've felt moved in a way nothing else has done for me in a long time.

as always, these are just my thoughts!!! im happy to hear from anyone what they think :D

[bingeeaterblog]

// small warning big re touken hate it's a post on why I hate it and how I think it could've been done better BUT I encourage you to keep reading if you do like them and to give me your thoughts whether to tell me why you like them or why you think im wrong in some regards i love a good debate its why i joined Tumblr

I'm gonna start this off by talking about why I loved the original mangas touken.

They start off as strangers, them only having a REAL meeting when she saves his ass from nishio. Initially she was cold and rude, for every reason he was very disrespectful(also for good reason he was scared and all he knew about ghouls is that they are monsters who hurt people, one literally just had him in a choke hold) but I digress. Kaneki starts working at anteiku and he's shadowing touka much to her dismay she feels he can't do anything right and is just a know it all human.

Right off the bat they have a very interesting dynamic, touka learning to care for kaneki him starting to see her(and ghouls as a whole) as a person and not something he should be afraid of.

As time goes on, touka falls for him, it's what makes everything so hard when he abandons her. She feels betrayed he left just like ayato and her dad did no one ever stays for her? How could they? She makes herself so hard to love shutting everyone out. She blames herself partly, not being able to protect him from whatever happened at the aoigiri base.

When she does see him again she's angry! How dare he come back after all this! Why can't he just make up his mind! So she lashes out, she misses him so dearly but she can't tell him that? Let him know she cares? She hits him and tells him to never come back to anteiku (to her).

You can see why it's so appealing!! The angst!! The drama!!! They have it all! Toukas longing and kanekis isolation are what makes them so GOOD.

To explain why I don't like re touken we have to talk about why I don't like re touka.

Touka before was a very well rounded character, she was brash and a little impulsive, she loves the people around her even if its hard for her to show it in a healthy way. She'll do whatever it takes even if it means risking her own life.

Re touka, doesn't really have that. She's very... Water downed. I like to call it house house wife-ification. She's lost any semblance of her old personality. While I do like the idea of touka calming down and becoming more docile it's not done right, we meet her again and she's just... Like that? There's no character development of her changing it just happens! She's shaved down so she can be the perfect love interest for kaneki, it's even shown in her design! Her eyes are softer and she doesn't hold any of the same energy as old touka(this happens with a lot of female characters ishida just ended up giving them all the same face besides eto).

Kaneki is? Fine? I loved haise as a character and him and touka were sorta cute if u kinda ignore that fact touka isn't touka. Kaneki was fine and re and that's it, he's just okay. His Savior complex is removed and it's just "I wanna save people!!" The whole reason his savior complex is important is BECAUSE it ends up hurting more people he should've been developed to learn how to manage that and be the hero he could be.

Now for their actual relationship.

It's very.... Rushed? There's no tension no build up just "are you a virgin?" Which in my opinion is something touka would never say she'd stumble around it. they made her bold at the wrong times she's an awkward lil freak. And then boom! Sex yeah! And it's? Okay? It's not my favorite I felt like a sex scene between them should've been more desperate!! That's when the marriage bite should've happened! It should've bites and messy kisses and promises to never leave again! There was no passion! There was the "why are you crying" but that didn't really do anything for me!!

I do like the end scene where she was petting his hair that was very soft which is what he needs.

Then toukas pregnant!(Which is something I'll get into good another time) And it kinda feels like they only rush into the marriage because she is... Like I feel like they should've atleast had a dating stage y'know!! Everything just felt so fast with them and nothing like the original:(

The end credits scene feels nothing like touka, she looks dead that's not the character I used to know :( kaneki too only the scene with hide felt real

And yeah! I like ichika! But how cool would it have been if touka got pregnant AFTER re and in the end credit thing she was revealed! Another natural born one eyed ghoul!! Idk...

This is very messy sorry I had to get this out. if you like them? That's fine!! That's super duper cool its just not my favorite. Tell me why you think I'm wrong! Id love to hear your opinions

[lady-of-blossoms]

「 ✦ whispers of heartbreak 5✦ 」

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

WARNING!!⚠️: Rape, Forced abortion, bleeding, Angst.

Ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4

the next day when you wake up, you don’t get greeted by the disgusting sight of gojo and Rebecca, instead gojo sits on a barstool by the kitchon island.

"Gojo?" you say confused, as you walk over to the fridge to get yourself Some breakfast.

"Oh by the way gojo, where is rebecca-" you ask but get intereupted by gojo wrapping his arms around your waist intimately.

"Since her baby wasn’t mine there was no point of keeping her in this house. And talking about babies that arent mine, that pregnancy of yours, Abort it, since its not mine" he says as he rests his chin on your shoulder.

you tense up, what the hell did he just say??? "what!? No !!" you nudge him off of you.

"YIN, You don't have a choice..."

you didn't have a choice did you now?, well it doesn't matter now anyways, because you aren't pregnant anymore.

You have no energy whatsoever, you barely eat anymore, and you refuse to talk to gojo, you just hate that you had to abort your first miricale baby.

As you sleep one day, in the middle of the night somebody crawls into your bed, the somebody being gojo, he unbuckles his belt and drags down his pants, he pulls down your panties.

"GOJO?, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?, DONT TOUCH ME!!” You scream

"Chill I’m not even doing anything…Yet" he smirks as he holds your wrists in place keeping you unable to move or do anything else than say stop and cry.

"GOJO, DONT YOU FUCKING DARE, IM TELLING YOU" you scream at him loudly, as you cry and struggle aimlessly to get him to let go of your wrists.

"If he could get you pregnant, than I can too, and nothing will stop me" he thrusts his length into you harshly.

"No…No!…NO!, stop I dont want this. WHY???” You scream as the pain shudders like lightning through your whole body, it hurts, when geto did it, he was much more gentle, but gojo didn’t even try to hold back.

he moans and groans as he thrusts in and out roughly “take that, hngh~, such a good fucking slut"

He moans out as he twists your nipple and thrusts harder.

Tears stream down your face harder than ever, you feel as if he is tearing you apart, why, what did you do to desserve this, the pain of the abortion still hurts, but then this on top, you feel as though you are being punished for something you did in your previous life, you cry, cry and cry, it hurts so much, it burns the only thing you can think about is the pain, is it normal for it to be this painful, probably not, but it doesn’t matter because gojo does it anyways, even though you say no and don’t give consent.

“Stop…stop…no…I don’t want to….why me?….no…consent…." Your words come out slurred as you pass out from the pain and crying.

When you wake up, he is asleep, either his cock still inside of you, you flinch as you pull him out and stand up, the concoction of blood and cum drips down your thighs and onto the floor, leaving a trail behind you as you walk to the bathroom. When you get to the bathroom you look in the mirror and all you see is bite marks, bruises, red crying marks on your cheeks and the concoction dripping down you legs, you throw up into the toilet bowl.

What did you do to deserve this, you keep throwing up until your wheezing and crying, you sit down on the toilet and put a pad in your panties, your not on your period but you don’t want anybody to see the pain and suffering your going through, so you hide it.

You put bandaids on your red and bleeding nipples and puts some clothes on, you walk into the kitchen and get yourself water, it doesn’t taste the same anymore, it used to give you meaning to life but not anymore, three days is what it takes to die from dehydration right?, well that’s a long time but it’s gonna have to go, from then on, no more water.

When gojo wakes up he groans as he feels the throbbing in his cock, he doesn’t understand why, he sits up he’s in your bedroom, he doesn’t remember why, he sees blood on his pubic hair, and he doesn’t remember why, she stands up and follows a trail of red and white stains on the floor, he doesn’t remember why, he hears noises from the kitchen, he walks in and sees you, you look broken with a big cut on the left side of your face under your eye, he doesn’t remember why.

"A-are you ok, Y/n?, what’s wrong?" He reaches out for your arm but you flinch and he retracts him arm back, he doesn’t understand or remember what he did or didn’t do

"You don’t remember do you, well then don’t mind if I drop a fucking bomb of information, you raped me last night, remember now?" You said in a hiss as you stare into his soul with your empty eyes.

Taglist:

Rape prevention hotline

[pacifymebby]

How would dark/yandere!peaky boys react to the reader asking for a break up (if they're dating) or divorce (if they're married) since reader gets uncomfortable with them now and finally notices their really possessive and unhealthy behavior? I have a feeling this most certainly won't go well

thx so much lovely❤️‍🔥

Thank u for this anon, not something ive ever tried to write before

Feel like this goes without saying lads but these wee headcannons depict sometimes abusive relationships that some people won't enjoy and may find upsetting. Please if u think it might upset u or put u at risk of harm, don't read them. (Im going to post some light stuff tonight too later on dont worry)

Tommy

🌿I'm not gonna lie, i don't think he'd let it get that far

🌿He's always in control, always pulling strings, no one thinks, feels or does anything without him knowing their desires before he does.

🌿He can read people like books, understand them deeply within only a few conversations, thats why he's so good at manipulating people and situations to get his own way.

🌿So if you are breaking up with him... Its because he wants you to, its just another microscopic cog in his catastrophic plan ect. ect.

🌿 Youre not leaving him, he's letting you leave... For one reason or another

🌿 It might be strategic, might be a way of taking the decision out of your hands, hes involved with some dangerous men and he wants you out the way for awhile, so he can be sure nothing will happen to you. If this is the case youll be dead to him, publicly, and as far as youre concerned. He'll cut you off completely, the only way youll be able to get through to him is if you march up to his front door.

🌿If he's letting you get to the point you actually try to leave him, he'll probably let you do it... If he shows you what life is like without him, how weak and feeble you are when you don't have him to protect you from the big bad world.. Then he knows you'll come running back.

🌿He might even set up the incident that scares you back to him. He might put you in "danger" then come swooping in to save you. Your tommy keeping you safe.

🌿And when you do he'll open his arms to you, he'll ask you if you missed him, "You've had me worried angel, thought somet had happened to you," and he'll lull you into a false sense of security.

🌿And just when you think youve been forgiven, he'll change, he'll be calm and cold but all the love wilo have drained from his eyes... "don't you ever do that to me again y/n, you know now eh, that world out there, it'll chew you up and spit you out and it won't think twice about putting you through hell, and i won't be so forgiving next time, might not let you back in... Think about that eh... Your Tommy might not let you back in..."

🌿But when he sees the tears in your eyes, that fear, the slight tremble in your bottom lip, he changes again, cups your cheek in his hand, rubs his thumb over your skin soothing and sweet, "Come 'ere eh, s'alright now love, you're back where you belong, right here with your tommy, c'mere"

🌿Pulls you into his arms, tight hug, holds you seriously and kisses your forehead. His eyes open the whole time.

🌿"You stay here now with me yeah, be safe as houses, just you and me against the world.."

🌿And he means it, thats whats so sinister about it, he really means it. As far as hes concerned in this world theres only really one thing that matters and thats him and you, him having you...

🌿So he wouldn't think twice about killing, destroying, burning the whole fuckin city to the ground if it meant keeping you.

🌿Ultimately youre the only thing in his life which is worth living for, other than spite. Hes obsessed with the idea of keeping you healthy, of giving you everything, of making sure you live the best life and remain pure and unscathed by the world...

🌿 Which again, is why he'd sooner see the whole world destroyed before he let you go off on your own and risk being hurt.

Alfie

🐻 Just like Tommy Alfie wants to protect you. He is obsessed with your innocence and your youthful optimism, he wouldn't want any harm to come to you or for you to ever be in danger... Which is why he dotes on you, completely smothers you with his love, never leaves you alone.

🐻 And just like Tommy Alfies not surprised when you try to leave. Unlike Tommy it isn't part of some greater plan... When he first realises youre beginning to distance yourself from him he is genuinely hurt.

🐻He loves you... In his own, maybe more intense than is generally conventional but you know, thats just him ain't it, kind of way. He genuinely doesn't know what he'd do if he lost his little zieskiet...

🐻 Hes concered too, he actually does think you're as small and helpless as he's always telling you you are... He genuinely does believe that without him, you'll wither away, be dead in a week. He knows you can't look after yourself... If he lets you go thats it youre gone forever

🐻 Which is why hes so determined to keep you

🐻 He starts simple, he turns on the charm offensive, twists that dial right up to 11... He doesnt realise its making you feel worse though, all this walking you from home to the shops, the bar, meeting you outside your work...

🐻 He brings you flowers, bakes for you, buys your pretty gifts and is ever so sweet to you

🐻 But he notices what you're doing, youre still making plans... And last night one of his men told him they saw you buy a train ticket to take you up north...

🐻So he takes things up a notch... He's never let you in his office before, tells you the only people who ever come into his office are business men, cause you only leave his office on a deal or death basis

🐻So when he calls you and instructs you to come to his office you know you're in trouble, and you're terrified he knows your plan

🐻 "Alfie whats going on youre scaring me..."

🐻 "Not as much as youre scaring me poppet..." "I don't under..." "you know what i dont like poppet?... Rumours... Yeah nasty little things rumours, theyre like fuckin woodworms yeah... Theres never just fucjin one of em is there, theres always fuckin hundreds of them and theyre everywhere right... Fuckin woodworms.. You know theyre all different dont you, theyre all their own little wood munchin grimy little individual selves... But see the thing is they all look and sound thr fuckin same... Disgusting, i hate woodworms... They get into everythin don't they, the very bones of your house, and they feast on it, fuckin parasites right... And sometimes you dont even know youve got em until one night youre sleeping, dreaming fuckin lovely little dreams and suddenly, they all start dropping on you from on high... You ever had that poppet? Woodworms? "

🐻" N.. No Alfie..." "Nasty shock, fuckin horrible shock actually..."

🐻 "And thats the thing right, rumours right, theyre exactly the fuckin same and see recently yeah, I've been hearing a lot of em... Know what theyre about?" he's leaning back in his chair fingers locked over contemplative, until he turns them on you, "You..."

🐻 He tells you hes heard rumours youre going to take a train up north, he tells you all the journey details... Departure time, the stops you'll go through and the time you'll arrive at your final stop. "Amazing init, the details you hear in rumours..."

🐻Now you think you know why hes brought you to his office... The gun in his drawer, maybe he's worse than you thought he was, you try to angle yourself so that you can see his hand.

🐻 "Now what i wanna know right, is if these rumours are true?" youre trembling, utterly terrified, youre not a good liar and you know you definitely can't lie to him... But do you have a choice.

🐻 Your hesitence tells him everything he already knew.

🐻 "Now this is bad news innit, very bad news indeed poppet," "Cause see what ive been doing all these years we've been together yeah, you being mine and me being yours... Ive been looking after you, your old man - thats me yeah - 's been looking after you, plain and simple... And well, its been so long i don't know how you're gonna fair without me?"

🐻 He'll get you to stay by making you doubt yourself, he's always babied you and now hes going to remind you that you really are his little girl. That you need him to help you with everything, you won't survive without him. Who will do all the thinking for you? Make the difficult decisions? Who's going to defend you against all those bad men out there that want to hurt you?

🐻 "So these rumours right? Are they true?" this time you dont hesitate, you shake your head and say no, you dont want to leave him you want to stay with him forever...

🐻 He welcomes you into his lap, pats his knee says "well, thats alright then ain't it, come here poppet, come sit in your old mans lap yeah?" he strokes your hair and holds you and keeps talking to you about how he takes care of you.

🐻 You reach down, trying to be subtle you want to see if the gun is in his drawer, if he was going to use it on you. But he catches your little hand in his raises it to his mouth and kissing your fingers one by one whilst hes talking to you.

🐻 "Did you think that's what id brought you in here for poppet? You think your old man was gonna offer you a deal or death?" you shake your head but youre lying again and this time he questions for a second if he went too far... He did want you to think he might do that...

🐻 But he never actually would... Wouldnt every hurt you like that... Alfies toxic behaviors stem from him being possessive and too protective, he only holds on so tight to you to try and protect you from every threat he percieves. Why would he kill the thing that means the most to him.

Arthur

🍂 He knows he has problems... Well, he's aware of most of them

🍂 He knows his temper is bad. Hes convinced that he's a monster. If you start to believe you are something hard enough you'll start behaving like it. He thinks hes a monster, hes convinced hes going to lose you

🍂 Whether he actually is or not.

🍂But he doesn't realise, that believing you to be the only thing thats good in this world, is a problem too. That thinking youre the only one who can save him, that without you he's doomed to hell...

🍂 Thats what starts to worry you, how hes always telling you youre his ticket to heaven... But his temper and his jealousy, the rages he throws himself into when he thinks someone else has looked at you or flirted with you... They're the things that make you certain you have to leave.

🍂 Its only a matter of time before someone gets killed because of his complete obsession with you, so you try to leave.

🍂 You dont want to hurt him though, despite his rages, his violent outbursts you see him for what you believe him to really be. A wounded man who is hurting, a man who is capable of love but gets so overwhelmed by it it starts eating him alive like black rot.

🍂 So you try to break it to him gently. You tell him you love him but you have to go, its too much, too intense. You make the mistake of telling him he scares you

🍂 "Alright love you listen to me now... This is whats going to happen yeah... You are going to go upstairs now yeah, youre going to unpack your things, put em all back where they belong and then you're going to come back down here and youre going to apologise to me for fucking scaring me alright?"

🍂 He doesnt say it calmly either, he has that low, threatening anger, you can see how hard hes trying to hold it together but hes shaking with rage, you can see it bubbling up behind his eyes.

🍂 You try to be brave, you try to say, "no arthur, thats not how its going to be this..."

🍂 Thats when he loses it, "Alright?" he raises his voice getting louder, "I said fucking alright y/n? Did you hear me?"

🍂 He might get physical, he won't attack you, but that switch will flip in his brain, triggered by how scared he is to lose you... And you'll definitely be scared that he might really hurt you

🍂 He'll probably grab you too roughly, perhaps trap you against the wall. Hand gripping your throat tight enough to leave a mark.

🍂 If he hurts you hes going to feel bad about it, full of guilt later. He'll apologise to you, tell you it won't happen again, he'll probably tell you he knows youre scared of him, hes a monster, you and fuckin everyone else is scared of him these days...

🍂 You'll stay because he scares you. But also because you are convinced that maybe underneath it all there is good in him, you can change him...

🍂 But he won't change.

🍂 He can't change. He doesnt know why he feels everything so intensely but he does, he feels his love for you like bullets ripping through his body. He wouldn't be able to breath if he lost you. He'd suffocate

🍂 Which is ironic because sometimes hes so overzealous with his love, so possesive, always touching you in public, behaving inappropriately at parties and in front of other people. Squeezing you, rubbing your thigh, your arse... Can't keep his hands off you... That it feels like hes suffocating you with his love.

🍂 If he isnt following you everywhere personally, hes got peaky boys watching over you at all times.

John

🌼 Doesnt know that he has problems, thinks this level of adoration and love combined with this level of fear of your leaving, is normal... Its just the nature of your relationship, because he lives in such a dangerous world, its natural to fear you could be snatched from him at any moment. So he doesn't realise theres anything wrong with his attachment to you

🌼 He wont believe you, he'll probably crack a grin and say "what was that flower?" when you don't answer though, when he looks and sees the tears in your eyes he'll shout, "fuckin what was that y/n?"

🌼 He has tears in his eyes, you cant tell if hes really going to cry or not...

🌼 Hes far too invested in your relationship its like his whole life depends on it... That the second you tell him you've had enough, of his fighting and drinking, the crime, the violence, the worrying he ain't gonna make it home to you... The second you quite fairly point out that it isn't fair on you, he hits breaking point.

🌼 0 to 100.

🌼 At first he can't believe it, then hes devestated, then hes angry. And the emotions hit him at 100mph

🌼He doesnt understand why you want to go? He believes the two of you are perfect, that youre the perfect example of when opposites attract, that your good balances out his bad...

🌼 So you try to explain it to him, you can see he's upset so you try to be kind... Try to tell him theres no balance... But his emotions are all over the place and he keeps flipping between crying and heartbroken to white heat anger

🌼 "You wanna talk about fuckin balance love?"

🌼 He takes his gun out, turns it on you, then himself then back to you. "Find the balance now eh... We're on a fucking seesaw now y/n and one of us has got to go yeah, me or you?"

🌼 You have to talk him down from his rage, but its hard, you're holding back tears, trying not to show how scared you are but seeing him point the trigger at himself it makes you realise how devestated you would be to lose him

🌼 And that must mean you love him right? You always knew you did love him, never questioned your love for him... Just whether or not it was good love.

🌼 Youre not stupid, you know this isnt good love but... Its the only love youve got and you do love him...

🌼 So you talk calmly, approach him slowly, youre trembling and when you get to him theres a moment where hes still pointing the gun at you... Hes tears on his cheeks and hes shaking too.

🌼 "John love, sweetheart please don't do this i love you Im sorry i love you..."

🌼 You end up crying together on the kitchen floor, him holding onto you so tight.

🌼 He makes sure in future to be extra sweet to you, he buys you a locket with a photo of him in it, on the back "my love" is engraved. Its beautiful. He tells you to wear it everyday. Never to take it off.

🌼He will also use sex to keeo you his, making you feel good and reminding you that hes the only man who could make you feel that good.

Bonnie

🍀 Doesn't really know that hes as bad as he is... Hes just protective, some would call him possesive too but all he thinks is that hes protecting what is his.

🍀 He knows he shouldn't like the fact that youre physically much weaker than him as much as he does but he brushes it off as just something that attracts him to you... Everyone likes different things and he likes you.

🍀 If you realise he's a little too possessive, if you work out the fact that he never actually leaves you on your own, that even when you go for walks you feel like someones following you, that you see him waiting across the street from you in town, always watching you (he'd say watching over you, making sure hes there near by if you need him)

🍀 Then you might decide you want to leave.

🍀And Bonnie does have a very strong moral code, he has certain views about relationships and women that hes stubborn about.

🍀 He wont hurt you, he wont physically stop you, won't even threaten you... Because he knows that isnt how you treat women... Even when they're scaring the shit out of you threatening to break your fucking heart

🍀He'll look sad when you tell him, when you tell him he scares you when he follows you, that youre scared to be with him

🍀He apologises, tells you he does it cause he cares about you, because he loves you, hes so sweet about it, so apologetic that you know he really is sorry he scares you...

🍀 He promises you he'll change... And he tries a little, not very hard because theres some changes he doesn't think it would be very smart to use make...

🍀So in the end he doesnt change at all, he still follows you, still lingers around you all the time, watching you with those intense eyes. Its like hes waiting for something bad to happen to you...

🍀He probably uses his peaky boy status to scare other lads away from you, hes scared of losing you to someone else so whenever he sees another man near he intervenes, either by coming up to you, holding your hand, putting his arm around you, kissing you in front of them, marks his territory or, by threatening them later when youre gone.

🍀Hes always finding an excuse to give you his clothes to wear, he likes it when you wear his coat. Feels like hes keeping you safe, but also it shows everyone that youre his.

🍀 You think Bonnies sweet, that he really is only trying his best to keep you safe.

🍀When things get rough, when he thinks you're becoming distant, he'll take you off into the wildlands where the two of you can be alone together for as long as it takes to win you over.

🍀And when you do say you'll give him another chance he's ever so sweet and good to you, smothers you with affection. He does make you feel loved, even if at times it is intense and scary.

Isaiah

🐀Hes jealous and he has a temper.

🐀The temper is usually reserved for people he percieves to threaten the happiness of you and him.

🐀You're his prize to defend and hes convinced hes always going to be fighting people to keep you. Thinks everyone wants a piece of his girl

🐀When you tire of the constant convincing him youre his and only his, and you try to leave he kind of bates you?

🐀"Fucking fine y/n, fuckin leave me then.." he can pretend not to care for just long enough to make you doubt yourself, just long enough to break your heart and make you regret your decision.

🐀Thats only because thats not something that takes very long... For a number of reasons

🐀Isaiah is very good at playing the long game. When things are good he showers you with expensive gifts and spoils you sexually too, he's always giving you little reminders of how hard he works for you and the life the two of you have together. He's always reminding you that everything he does is for you.

🐀He's always leaving little marks on you two, love bites and things, marking his territory

🐀So when he switches the charm off the moment you threaten to leave it makes you question whats wrong with you, he isn't even upset, maybe you need him more than he needs you?

🐀That scares you into submission pretty quickly and when you shake your head, change your mind and begin to cry, he'll change again, tell you not to cry, not to be upset.

🐀"Don't cry sweetheart, not your fault, i know you get a little bit confused sometimes, such strong, scary emotions must muddle that pretty little head of yours right up," he's good at babying you, talking down to you to remind you that without him you couldn't survive on your own.

🐀Will start kissing you, touching you, carressing you, teasing you until he has you undressed for him, he'll drive you crazy the way only he can and when he's fucking you into submission he'll remind you that hes the only one who can make you feel that way. Hes the only one youll ever be able to feel so good with. You need him.

🐀Buys you pretty jewellery, expensive gifts, takes you out to expensive bars and spoils you, buys you things you'll never want to part with.

Michael

☘️ Is obsessed with you, with the idea of owning you. Youre the pretty thing he wants to show off to the rest of the world, he wants to see you thrive because it will make him feel good about himself. Knowing his girl is the best there is. That shes all his.

☘️Because of this he invests so much time and money into you, you get music lessons, art lessons, you get libraries of books and youre spoilt but controlled too.

☘️ Michael controls everything about your life, from what you wear to how you spend every second of every day. He wants what's best for you. Thats all hes thinking about.

☘️Is pissed that you'd want to leave, not just pissed but insulted... He knows hes possesive and controlling and he knows he cam be cold sometimes but

☘️ "Everything you've got y/n, I've given you... Everything i own i share it with you.. Everything I've worked for its for us... Together right?"

☘️ Threatens you, not with physical violence but instead threatens to take everything from you.

☘️ "if I'm going to fucking lose you y/n then youre going to lose everything?" youre everything to him so it seems fair that you should lose everything if you walk away from him

☘️He'll dazzle you with all the fancy gifts hes brought you over the years, he'll stand behind you in the mirror, let his fingers trail the silk dress he chose for you, that he paid for... He'll kiss your neck just above the string of pearls you wear doubled around your neck

☘️ And then he'll tug them, the necklace tightens around your neck... Almost... Almost enough to actually choke you

☘️ You'll lose everything y/n... Your connections, the family will cut you off... We can leave you behind, forget we ever knew your name, but you can't leave us... People will always know you as my wife... Bad men will still try to use you to get to me..." "But if youre not mine anymore i wont protect you, ill let them have you wont i... Cause you wont be part of the family anymore and i wont know you... Wont know who you are..."

☘️ These kind of threats are as scary as anything threat of physical violence could be. You know michael really means it when he says these things. He's a cold man. Capable of cutting you off.

☘️"No second chances y/n if you want to leave then leave, but there'll be no second chances..."

☘️And maybe you could be fine on your own, maybe you could start fresh, somewhere no one knows your name... But is it really worth the risk...

☘️ "Or you can stay, you can apologise to me for being so ungrateful, and then I'll forgive you and we'll go back to happily ever after.." "Just like that?". "Yes love, just like that"

Idk if i did these right sorryy bestie, i hope you liked them though!!!

[sweeetrandall]

Im gonna talk about personalities (and autism) in professor layton for a second, especially in miracle mask.

it is very tragic that layton isn’t even really his own person. Like he was struck with death during a time he was still struggling to form his own identity. He really was sort of just following Randall around and letting him take him by the hand and thrust him into anything. This is a relationship I found myself in again and again growing up, getting “adopted” by an extroverted kid and then getting all my social connections through them.

This kind of relationship makes it easy to lose your own personhood as it takes away nearly all your agency in terms of your social life. You begin surrounding yourself with people and personalities that match whoever adopted you rather than your own tastes, and you begin conforming in order to survive more or less.

This sounds pretty tragic, and in some ways it is, but it’s a lot better (and easier) than being alone, which often happens if you don’t get “taken in”.

I think Randall was an overall good influence on Hershel and positive presence in his life. It just happens that Hershel himself seems to have been especially prone to this sort of thing, to the point such a lack of personal identity (or, at least, instability in finding it) caused him to completely adopt Randall’s passions and interests out of sheer guilt, almost as if he owed him a debt. After all, it’s easy to feel indebted to the person who goes out of their way to talk to the “autistic kid” …. Part of this could easily be because Hershel had already begun integrating Randall’s interests into himself (likely subconsciously as part of this survival mechanism) and being suddenly ripped away from this it was pushed to an extreme as a way of filling that void.

Hersh also shows signs of generally not thinking much of himself. Being a more secluded kid makes it easy to develop this kind of self image…and also why having a friend who constantly encourages you like Randall is so intoxicating.

We see Hershel time and time again say how he isn’t that interested in archaeology or puzzles, nor is he confident in his ability to do either - to the point he actively expects himself to get incorrect answers, as his puzzle solve animation shows a brace for a huge “INCORRECT” sign only to be surprised he found a solution.

Meanwhile, Randall is the face of confidence.

I don’t need to point out how next time we see Hershel, he has faith in his own puzzle solving abilities - “My intuition should serve me well”, even taking from Randall’s personal lexacon, “Critical thinking is the key to success.”

I won’t ignore the grief and guilt, as the role it plays is obvious. I only want to point out how instead of being the source itself of Hershel’s radical adoption of Randall’s personality, I read it more as an extreme driver of an already existing tendency to mimic those around him as a sort of survival mechanism. In times of crisis these mechanisms are put into overdrive.

(As others have pointed out, this also happens with Claire and the gentleman persona she encouraged him into, but that’s another subject.)

I also want to examine this in Randall himself, since we see a pretty interesting inversion of Hershel’s situation on his part.

The risk-taking, erratic behavior we see in Randall is something I’m pretty sure stems from his hatred for his father and the general life he is made to live. A stuffy mansion doesn’t suit him, if his kind of goofy outfit has anything to say about it. He stands in stark contrast to the other rich Stansbury kid, Dalston, who is altogether enthusiastic about business and wealth.

Where I think this gets especially interesting is when Randall falls into Akbadain. Having experienced a “reset”, he quickly adapts to his new life. He isn’t an entirely different person - he still has proficiency in puzzles as Firth/Tannenbaum tells us.

And if his reaction to Descole’s letter was anything to go by, he’s still as impulsive and emotionally driven as ever.

What we get to see from his time in Craggy Dale is a Randall relieved of his old life - no smothering father, no family fortune, no mansion. In fact, we get a life that is essentially a polar opposite, complete with a loving adoptive father and slow-paced life that “tames the wildest of hearts”. Being allowed to breathe and live slowly creates a Randall who, while still brainy and enthusiastic, is radically different from the Randall Hershel, Henry, and Angela knew.

This is why the ending of Miracle Mask sort of bothers me, as I fully believe Randall would not want to pick up where he left of when he was 17. He literally got himself “killed” living that life, likely pushed and simultaneously blinded by the pressure from his family, which mixed horribly with his own impulsivity and need for freedom. I would imagine growing up in a mansion causes you to develop a less than realistic view of life and your own abilities.

This is where Hersh comes back in, as it’s pretty serendipitous in my eyes that the person he “absorbed” the personality of happened to move on from that personality in a pretty dramatic way. This way there isn’t any sort of doppelganger tension. Ultimately, Randall did want Hershel to develop an interest in archaeology and puzzles, and it seems he’s satisfied with that.

(also I think it’s a little bit creepy that they had Randall adopt the same haircut and glasses he had when he was 17 with a “now you’re back to normal” attitude, going off what I just discussed, but I digress)

Essentially, it’s crystal clear to me how Hershel developed his personality considering his upbringing eerily reflecting the way I survived as an autistic kid, and the fact much of Randall’s personality/life direction was derived from the circumstances of the life he later shed makes it kind of poetic. At the end of it all I think they have a lot to learn from each other just as they did when they were teens, especially from the experience they gained since then.

[jazz-miester]

Yandere Bayverse!Optimus x Decepticon Mech reader smut?

Also, I wanted to say that I LOVE your works! Especially that one Optimus x reader one.. it has me in a chokehold. Anyways, feel free to ignore!

Hung Over You

Pairing: Bayverse Optimus x reader

Reader type: Decepticon Mech

Song: Lady Lie- Rainbow kitten surprise

Warnings: I'm gonna put Dubious Consent here as a warning. I. Honestly i'd rather be safe than sorry yall. And please please for all that is holy. Get absolute consent from your partners before doing anything. If the yes isn't given whole heartedly and said with everything the person has to offer. Don't do it. It's not worth it.

An: Aww you're too sweet! I'm glad that you like my stuff so much! Hope that this is what you wanted lol. I'm not to familiar with the yandere thing so im lowkey just winging it. Also putting this under a read more because this came out to be 4186 words long lol.

Tags: @rawmeknockout hope you don't mind me tagging you in this lol.

You have caught his optic. Which honestly is the most dangerous thing you have ever had happen to you. There has been. Rumours that have spread from out of the Autobot ranks. But they had been rumours. Right?

Primes don't do that. They. They don't.

Not once did you truly worry though. When would you ever see him? You were one of the few medics that the Decepticon army had left. Most others had defected to the Autobots.

Really. It made sense. They left so they could work in a slightly safer environment where you were less likely to be offed by your patients. Still, even with how long you've been with the Decepticons you find yourself wondering why. Why have you stayed for so long despite the Decepticons going so far out of the ballpark of what they once stood for.

It was becoming less and less often you would find that reason to stay. And at this point you were only finding it in the older mechs. Those who were forced into their casts by the functionists all because they transformed into something other than a silly little microscope.

They were the ones that still fight so they would no longer have to risk their lives on a job that they higher nobles where to afraid to do. They stuck with the original Decepticon ideals so that their future younglings wouldn't have to live the harsh and horrid lives they did.

They are the reason you kept going. Kept doing what you did. They were he reason you still had a flicker of hope for the Decepticons. That Megatron was truly fighting for your peace. That he would lead Cybertronian kind into a new era. One of peace and prosperity in the way they never had before. A life where your frame didn't dictate how and who you would be.

You lost that little ember of hope on a Decepticon battlefield. Every attempt you made to help the others. To heal, to mend. All of it in vain when the bombs began to rain from above.

Again and again you went out dragging in bots and cons alike to some semblance of safety as the bombs screamed in the sky. You were forced to quit when an Autobot. And old and ancient mech stopped you and pulled you into the shelter. It was his rust colored paint that filled your vision as he gave you some sense of solace.

It was with him you grieved the loss of any hope you had left.

All of this. The wrought and ruin of his own troops, supplies, territory. All of it destroyed for a blind assault on the chance he could kill his enemy.

All of it because Megatron was to much of a coward to face Optimus Prime himself.

You did all you could. Tending to the injured. Helping even the Autobots. Or at least all that would allow you to.

It felt like a life cycle for the bombs to quit falling. Longer still for the metal of Cybertron to settle. And longer for the air to become ventable once again.

You did what you could to lead the injured up and out.

A lot of Decepticons turned their back on the cause after that. Most choosing the neutral path. Not willing to chance facing their brothers and sisters. Friends. Lovers.

Some, like you, pledged yourself to the Autobot cause.

It was on that battlefield that you saw him for the first time.

Optimus Prime.

There was a million and one warning bells going off in your helm the closer he came.

"Are you here to fight, or to stay?" His voice rumbled like distant thunder just before a storm of acid rain. This was the same question he had asked every con before you.

"Stay, I suppose." You spoke after a moment. You had long since torn away the Decepticon insignia. You could still feel the distant ache in your sparkchamber.

A botched job for what should have been the greatest moment in your lifecycle.

It meant nothing now.

"I have heard you helped my troops mech. Is this true?" Blue optics looked you up and down then stopped on your own. For the briefest moment you wondered if he could see you. Truly see you. As if the matrix gave him some supernatural ability to pick apart your very spark.

Cybertronians used to worship Primes.

"I did." You answered. "And I will continue to do so. If you allow. Optimus Prime." A grin split his lips when you were done speaking.

"If you are willing then yes.." He trailed off.

"Y/n sir." The Prime tilted his helm. Mouthed your name.

"Y/n." Something about the way he spoke it sent your spark pounding. Your takes turning.

Megatron sounded like that once.

Just before everything went to slag in a hand basket.

.

.

.

That wasn't the last time you saw the Autobot leader. And it certainly wouldn't be the last.

"Y/n! Mech! Pay attention slaggit!" Ratchet's voice was right in your audio receptor. His servos moved with more efficiently than you have ever seen in any mech or femme. It was supernatural, almost, to watch.

The two of you were elbow deep in a mech. The damned frontliner decided to play hero.

You could have sworn you had seen Optimus. There in a window that the assistant has forgotten to close.

.

.

.

"He's damned good. For a con." Ratchet would both praise and poke at you at the same time. "I'm glad he's on our side though."

You were proud with where you were at the moment. You had built a reputation for yourself. Worked in a place that made your skills worth something. You worked with bots that wouldn't have your helm for just venting wrong near them.

You caught a snippets of Ratchets and Ironhides conversation from where you were organizing field kits. Restocking and filing inventory on this had fallen to you after a while.

Well. You were until Optimus came spilling in. Energon flowed freely onto the floor where it really shouldn't have been.

Two mechs carried him in. You were quick to clear a med berth off. Already you were in the process of cleaning when Ratchet began barking orders

Time to show Ironhide those skills Ratchet was bragging about.

.

.

.

Sometime later and what seemed like an obscene amount of energon, Optimus was deemed stable. Currently he was sleeping off the anesthetics.

"Will you keep an optic on him and tell me when he wakes kid?" You looked up from the data pad you were typing on when Ratchet spoke. "I have some reports I need to finish and I need to plan some care for when he wakes up." You waved a servo.

"I've got it Ratchet. Go do what you need to." With a heavy sigh he left. Muttering about Primes being stupid and self sacrificing for no good Primus damned reason.

You went back to restocking field kits. You needed something to do with your servos while you waited for him to wake up.

Which wasn't much longer after you finished. The Prime woke with a start. Bolting upright as he took in where he was. Some part of his processer still stuck out there on the feild.

It was only after he swing his legs over the side of the berth did you walk towards him.

"Prime. You need to stay laying down. If you get up now you could re open the welds me and Ratchet placed." Your voice was low. Soothing. The same voice you have used a thousand times over for Decepticon coming out of general anesthetics. At least this time you were greeted with a look rather that blaster fire.

Really. Megatron should have implemented some sort of psychiatric treatment for his troop.

Optimus said nothing as you walked up to him. Slowly you placed one servo on his shoulder. "I need to check on the welds before I go and get Ratchet. Are you ok with that or do you want me to get him to do it?" You always gave them the option. Some still didn't trust you. Former Decepticon and all.

"You may." The Prime leaned back slightly. His legs spreading further apart as he balanced himself. You said nothing other than giving him a nod before going to check the welds across his abdomen.

The welds looked ok. And they were still holding up despite the fact he decided to spring up off the berth. You took the opportunity to glance at the ones on his arms. Then checking the cabling at his neck that had become undone.

You froze for a moment when he leant forward. Slumping as if suddenly overcome by fatigue. Out of reflex you caught him by the shoulers. Bracing him as he fell forward. Optimus's helm fell on your shoulder. His servo brushing against your hip and thigh.

"Slaggit! Prime are you ok?" You pushed back on him. Righting the blue colored Prime. "Are you dizzy? Any pains that we were not aware of?" You looked over his face plates. Looking for the drain of nanites and fuzzy unfocused optics.

Nothing.

"I am fine. Just." He paused. "Apologies, Y/n. I did not mean to cause concern." There. Again. That same look he gave you on the battlefield sometime ago.

"Are you sure? It is no issue. I can go get Ratchet. He wanted me to get him after you woke anyways." A slight flicker on his face plates. A sort of, annoyance? Then.

"Get him if you must. Ratchet is my CMO for a reason." It wasn't until you pulled away did you realize Optimus's servo had been on your waist that entire time. Only did you know when you pulled away and his digits grazed along the dark grey plating.

.

.

.

You felt like you were going insane. Someone was leaving you gifts. It wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't for the fact it was inside your habsuit on your berth.

They were the things you liked. Sweetened energon candies. A very specific polish you thought you would never find again. There was even a praxian crystal rose at one point. Who would give that away to a former Con you would never know. After the fall of Praxus they had become scarce.

You saw Optimus a few times after he had been discharged from the med bay. He came a few times afterwards to keep the welds in check and to make sure the new cabling in his throat had took.

You had been the one to check on the welds after a while. And to make sure the Prime had proper movement in his left arm. The one that you were now currently holding and moving to ensure fluid movement in the shoulder joint.

There was that look again. Like he was staring into your very soul. You felt that if you bared your spark chamber you would feel less exposed.

"And this? Any pain, aches?" The Prime rumbled out a laugh. Not once had he looked away from you.

"No. Truly, it is fine. You've done a very good job." You could feel your faceplates warm. Not use to any type of praise.

"It was hardly all me. Ratchet did the bulk of it." Optimus humed. Pulling his arm away. His digits brushed against your chassis before they settled in his lap. He flexed his palms and you couldn't help but to look.

Only to sputter a cough before he looked up. Almost getting caught ogling the Primes thighs.

"Still. You have done good. I am grateful to have such a skilled mech on our side. Your skills are valued here, y/n." He spoke your name with an intensity.

The two of you locked optics for a moment. The Prime almost drawing you in. He servo rose and hovered next to yours. You swore he almost would have taken it in his if it weren't for Ratchet calling him to his office.

The look that covered his facelates looked almost murderous. You had stepped back when he did that. And the look had fallen almost as quickly as it had came. Filled with a different, almost fearful look at your reaction.

The Prime rose and left. Giving you one last look before going to meet Ratchet. When you glanced back down to the berth you felt you tanks turned.

There, in the center of the berth, was a singular Praxian rose. The one that twined the other currently beneath your berth.

.

.

.

You said nothing about it to anyone. Instead quickly taking it and placing it within your subspace before Ratchet or any of the other medics or assistants could notice.

When Optimus left he had caught your optic then glanced at the berth the rose had been on. When he noticed it was gone and how quickly you had looked away. He smiled.

That night you had went to your habsuit shaken. Placing the rose with the other things you had been given.

Was. Was Optimus the one doing this? It would make sense seeing as how he would be one of the few with the proper codes to get into your habsuit.

But why? Why you? And was it really you?

You didn't fall into recharge that night. And you were in a daze for the next day cycle. Ratchet having reprimanded you more than once for your forgetfulness.

You nearly dropped the glass vials holding nanites when you saw him in the window looking into the supply closet. Optimus had studied you briefly before leaving.

You didn't move for many klicks. Servos shaking as you tried to calm yourself.

The next few days went the same. Catching Optimus in the corner of your optics every time you turned. It made you jumpy. Skittish. You began to pull away from the bots you had made friends with. Even to Ratchet who seemed to be concerned. But he said nothing. Did nothing other than lay his servo on your shoulder and give you the most sympathetic look you had ever seen.

.

.

.

"Y/n. Prime needs you in his office." You glanced up dumbly to the femme that had called your name. You had been in the rec room watching some old holo vids Toptwist had put on. A chorus of oohs had filled the room. Most of the bots acting like you had just been called to the headmaster's office in the academy.

Instead you swallowed thickly and nodded your helm at the femme.

You're frame is shaking the entire walk down the hall. Your mind was racing.

Did you do something wrong? If so then what? As far as you knew you were doing everything Ratchet needed you to. You didn't cause any problems with the others. No matter how much you wanted to throttle some of them when they wouldn't stop fragging you over just because you used to be a Con.

Is that why? Did some mech of femme complain about you being a former Decepticon?

You didn't want to lose what you had here. To much. It. You had finally found a reason to keep fighting. The Autobots they held up the ideals that the Decepticons used to have.

You don't think you would be able to quit this. Not without some consequence on your mental health. You needed this.

.

You stopped before the door to Optimus Primes office. You didn't know if you should com him or knock on the door. In the end you chose the latter. Fisted servo hovering before the engraved metal door for a klick before you knocked.

Ice flooded your frame. Something. Something spoke to you about this being a bad idea. That you should turn. Run.

Instead you ignored that millennia forged instinct.

"Enter." Optimus's voice sounded from the other side of the door after you knocked. The door sliding open and closing behind you quickly when you stepped inside.

His office was quaint. Small. There were odds and ends decorating shelves. A few organic plants here and there that looked well taken care of. It was such a rare sight to see. The war on Cybertron and rendered all organic life null. Unable to grow in such an hostile enviroment.

There were data pads from floor to roof on one wall. Suddenly you remember that the great Prime was just once a simple archivist in Iacon.

"There's no need to stand near the door, dear Y/n. I promise. You are not in any trouble here." Your helm snaps from the shelves of data pads and towards the Prime sitting at his desk. It was cluttered with data pads and reports. A few trinkets here and there. There was even a floating holo screen of what you assumed was him and a few other bots in one corner.

"I was told you needed me sir?" You strode to the center of the room. Just before the Primes desk. He smiled and shook his helm before rising from his seat.

"Please. There is no need for formalities here. I am just Optimus. " The Prime rounded the side of his desk before leaning against the side of it. Crossing his arms over his chassis.

You swallowed thickly. Finding yourself falling into a parade rest. "I was told you needed me, Optimus?" You repeated the question with his name instead. He gave a small laugh when he looked over at you.

"I meant it when I said there was no need for formalities Y/n. Please." Optimus pushed himself away from the desk as you made an attempt to stand comfortably. It was a little awkward.

Optimus stopped before you by less that a foot. You had to raise you helm to look him in the optics. You were not exactly a small mech but you reached just below the Primes chin.

"But yes. I did want you down here. I wanted to discuss something with you." His servo rose. The palm of his servo hovering just next to your helm before settling firmly on your shoulder. You couldn't help but look to that servo. Then to him as he began talking once again. "I have heard you've done good work here. And i'm proud of the fact that you are." The servo fell then digits hooked just below your chin.

Your spark began pounding in your chest. "I expect you have met my gifts well?" You optics widden and you pull away from those digits.

"That was you?" Your voice rose slightly at the end. At least that was a conformation. Whether or not it set you at ease was debatable to say the least.

"Of course. I'm sorry I couldn't deliver them in person though. I didn't need the others thinking I was playing favorites." His optics looked your faceplates over. His glossa darted out to wet his lips. "I find you to be the most brilliant mech I have had the honour to have in my troops yet. Y/n I have been hung over you since the moment I saw you." His servos cup either side of your helm. The size of them almost engulfing you.

"There is something addicting about you. I have yet to lay my servo on it. But. I wish to have you, if you will." His thumb brushed along your bottom lip. His optics following the movement of his thumb as he did this. "Of course we will have to keep this secret for a while. But I do not mind." His voice was low. Almost rattling in your chassis from how close he was now.

Chassis to chassis. Touching. So close. If the two of you were to slide the metal away. Surely your sparks would touch. The gesture here. Now. It was intimate.

Suffocating.

"Sir we can't. Its." Optimus's face darkened.

"Optimus. Please. Call me Optimus." His servos fell and once reached down to grab yours. He brought it up to his lips and layed a kiss on your scarred knuckles. His optics were on you the entire time. Blown wide with. Attraction? Lust? "And we can. The others will learn to deal with it."

Something pleasurable flooded your field when his wrapped over yours. Your processer fogged and you didn't know what to do. "Optimus I." You stopped when that pleasure flooded over you again. You legs shook and before you knew it you were moving. Your legs hit the desk and one moment you were standing. The next you were sitting. Optimus's servos wrapped around your thighs as he lifted yo up and onto it.

For a moment the fog lifted and you looked up to see a loopy grin on the Primes faceplates.

"Oh you look stunning just like that. I wonder if I could make you make that face again." He was between your legs. His servo traveled from your thigh and over your hip. It sprawled out over your stomach plating and up your chassis. His digits dipped in seems and pulled at wires that had a heat pooling below.

You whimper when his lips finally connecting with yours. Shivers running down your frame as he moves fervently. His servos cradle your helm as he does this. Drawing you in close. You servos find his wrists. You didn't know if you wanted to pull him away or hold him there so he would keep going.

He did leave you those gifts. It. It makes sense that he wouldn't do it in person. Right?

Right?

The two of you pull away with heated breaths. A string of fluid following your lips before breaking apart.

Your faceplates felt hot. Your vents where going rapidly. Trying to cool your heated frame.

Optimus lent in again and again. Laying kiss after kiss until he found your neck. Nibbling and sucking along the cabling there. You shiver and shook at the assault. Your frame reacting pleasantly to what he was doing.

"Such sweet sounds you are making. I wonder if you will sing the same while on my spike." His hips rolled as he said this. His servo landed on top of your interface array. "Please? My Y/n please?" Optimus spoke breathlessly. His helm pressed to yours. Your nose bumping against his as he moved to press another kiss to your lips. "For me? Please?"

And you did. Your array springing open and revealing your spike and valve to the room.

"The. The door. Is it locked?" You asked.

"Mmm? Yes." Optimus told you. His digits fluttering over your valve. A whimper left your lips as he teased you. Digits skimming over your valve. Your aching node to tease your weeping spike. "Look at you. Is all this for me?" He pressed a kiss to your chin.

"Yeah." You spoke. "Yeah. Just for you." A low moan left you when he sunk his digits within you. Digits curling as he pumped them in and out of you. He moved slowly. Gathering the fluid that left you and spreading his digits apart to slowly ease you into taking his spike.

He didn't want to hurt you after all. Not after waiting for so long. And not with you being so nice and willing.

You almost cried when those cleaver digits left you. Only for you to give a shudder when he put those same digits in his mouth. Glossa working around and between his digits tasting everything you had to offer.

"You taste sweeter than I thought you would be Y/n." He humed as his own interface array pulled away. He gave is own spike a few languid strokes before placing it between your shaking legs. "Relax. I will not hurt you." The tip of his spike pressed into you. "Relax my y/n." He guided himself within you. Moving slowly. He briefly pulled back at one point before sliding forward.

Optimus paused when he was fully seated within you. Giving his hips a few experimental rolls as he watched you come completely undone beneath him.

He was absolutely enthralled with the way you threw your helm back when he began to move. He happily complied with your pleas of more. Harder. Just like that.

You were being so good. So kind after all. How was he not to do what you asked when you were doing such a good job. He even told you as much.

"Look at you. Being such a good mech for me. You are taking me so well my y/n." His hips stuttered when he felt you squeeze around him from the praise. "You are taking my spike so good. You pretty valve feels so nice. So good. Gripping my spike so." He paused when he felt pleasure rack through him when you squeezed him once again.

Optimus was sure to note this in the back of his helm for future fragging sessions.

He could feel his overload coming and coming quickly. And if the way your were keening and moaning. Chanting his name so sweetly. Well, he knew yours was close as well.

Optimus rolled his field over yours and watched as you threw your helm back. Static spitting out of your vocalizer as you overloaded and over loaded hard. Your frame falling pliant under his servos.

Optimus found his soon after you. Pulling you close and leaning on your body.

He was sure to bring you into his habsuit. Cleaning your dirtied frame. Optimus took in the welled energon on your neck cabling. The slight paint transfer around your thighs from your coupling.

He'd be damned if he was letting you leave anytime soon.

[suffarustuffaru]

why the emilia camp thinks otto is their most threatening member 👍

i see some people being confused on why the emilia camp collectively seems to agree that otto is the biggest threat there for some reason and like. yeah. i get it.

but let me explain real quick why i think it makes sense for the emilia camp to think that :O !!

otto though is disarming because. well okay look at him he doesnt look threatening at all. he has the looks and personality of a wet cat. hes whiny. hes cringe fail. he gets stressed out with paperwork. he looks like you could just smack him around like a bug. he HAS been smacked around like a bug. but that makes him unpredictable because apart from roswaal, he is the Most Amoral one there. you can expect roswaal to be trying some shit, but youd never know when to expect otto is planning something. his moral compass is just “does this benefit me or my loved ones in some way? if not, then its gonna be gone 🥺”.

sure, he does nice things sometimes out of the goodness of his heart. he genuinely means well a lot of the time.

but also then you read the shit hes thinking in his internal dialogue and its like.

“should i go save some girl i dont even know from bandits??? hmm lemme think for a couple minutes. im the only one that can help rn… some guy claiming to be her dad is begging me to help his daughter, but also hes kind of annoying… but i dont even live in this city so why should i help… or Care. actually. but i feel kinda bad about this girl… but also this is gonna put me and my profits in danger… but if i reject helping then im forever gonna be known as the guy who abandoned them and then i wont be able to make any sales in this city anymore :<<<< ……anyway im gonna help them then lol im so smart.” and then he gets captured by the exact same bandits anyway so hes like “well okay now me and this girl might be sold into slavery so i might as well save both of us or ill feel bad ☝️☝️”

(yes. yes this is genuinely ottos thought process if you read through the Otto's Bittersweet Peddling Log side story.)

except all the back and forth Calculation he does in his head Stays In His Head and doesnt match up with his outward appearance most of the time. which means that sometimes his words dont match up with his actions. “dont be surprised if i leave at the first sign of danger,” he says, right after risking his life and writing a suicide note over a dude hes known for like four days. “ahah thanks for giving me a vacation to see my family…” he says, damn well knowing he cant go back home yet otherwise he’ll get sniped by assassins. “im gonna give you some of my own money bounty money to help you BUT BUT BUT DONT THINK THAT IM NICE OR ANYTHING I NEED MOST OF THE MONEY FOR REPAIRS OK YOU CAN ONLY HAVE A BIT :<<<“

this also means that whenever otto says or does something Particularly Questionable, all his friends are still kinda blindsided by it because otherwise otto seems Mostly Fine in comparison to whatever the hell everyone else has going on. hes just a wet pathetic cat of a guy ahah. theres nothing more going on with h—

“if everyone in vollachia dies but rem and natsuki-san live, then we’ve won. if everyone in vollachia lives but rem and natsuki-san die, then we’ve lost.”

um otto can you repeat that. what the fuck did you just say.

otto looks Mostly Normal, Just Stressed Out or Somewhat Chilling the vast majority of the time, and then he whacks you over the head with a steel chair. like can you imagine being garfiel and learning that this pathetic rag of a man is actually pretty brave when it counts. youre like “oh cool lol we kinda beat each others asses and i was Annoyed but now that thats all over i got some newfound respect for you!!” and then you read through his diary and hes got a suicide note in there, which is like. okay fine whatever hes kind of a clown just like my New Captain lol but hes dedicated to his friends, ill give him that. and then a year later you find your now brother figure (whos also lowkey highkey an alcoholic) with a broken hand after punching a wall because he couldnt do his Lets Abandon 50 Million People Plan and youre just sitting there going

and okay dont get me wrong—subaru is Batshit Crazy. in Multiple Incomprehensible Ways. if the emilia camp (or Anyone. At All.) knew about all the shit hes done and been through with rbd, subaru would INSTANTLY be skyrocketing up the Most Threatening People list. but at the same time subarus less threatening than otto in the sense that subarus Always going to want to do good. hes Always going to want to save everyone. hes Extremely forgiving, on top of that. he goes along picking up friends everywhere he goes in his own Incomprehensible Unhinged Way and hes fond of All of them.

otto? yeah his opinion of you could shift on a dime and you could end up in his personal shit list unless youre one of the *checks list* *clears throat* maybe like ten people he cares about. and even if youre on the I Care About You! :) list, he could still get pissed enough at you to, i dont know, punch a wall over you? and spiral into obsession? and even if hes not upset at you hes still gonna mansplain manipulate malewife his way to his goals <33

and yeah of course subaru is also Mansplain Manipulate and Gaslight Gatekeep but at least he has way more good intentions AND his attitude about it is gonna be like "sorry :<<< i just gotta do this for your sake :<<<<<< :((( haha dont worry about it". subaru would never ever want to do anything big to hurt his loved ones (except for rbd). while otto doesnt even bat an eye. everyone can be manipulated if he has to. he goes down his list of Things I Need To Do and goes "yeah that had to be done. oh well. anyway i got more shit to do (like maybe kill a toddler lol)"

also lets talk about roswaal's perspective really quick. post-arc 4 hes like "well subaru-kun is always gonna want to save everyone and hes doing a pretty good job of things in general so whatever lol. i can still keep him in check by killing everyone if even one of his friends dies :)". so its like. YEAH subarus an Unhinged Wildcard. roswaal knows that. but right now subaru is more predictable and also again, roswaal knows he can keep subaru in check by making subaru have to reset if roswaal really needs to.

but otto? yeah ottos second in line for being an Unhinged Wildcard. but whats even worse is that otto is Basically Subaru but More Calculating and with a moral backbone thats Near Nonexistent. roswaal was genuinely concerned for otto in arc 8 for once and there was still Literally No Stopping Otto from being a stubborn little shit whos hell bent on all the maladjusted insane mentalities hes got floating around in his head, half of which he doesnt even say out loud, and all of which he thinks is Completely Right and that theres Nothing Wrong with what hes doing.

and also otto being underestimated and Not In The Tome was a big help as to how subaru got the win over roswaal in arc 4 👍and then otto Continues to try keeping an eye on roswaal after arc 4, to the point of getting roswaal's tome and actively trying to investigate roswaal's actions, so roswaal is Very Aware that otto is. a bit of a threat. roswaal of course is smarter and more powerful than otto though, but that still doesnt change the fact that otto is still capable of being a threat if roswaal doesnt Also kind of keep an eye on otto back. because roswaal kind of lost to otto already in arc 4!!

but okay, on top of all of this, no one knows the full extent of whats going on with otto, not even roswaal (though he has his Suspicions), and most definitely not subaru yet (whos Still a bit of an otto apologist anyway), and otto is already a bit menacing even without knowing All of that. and the rest of the emilia camp are already a bit more lenient with roswaal (as hes seemingly chilled out after arc 4 + they all need him still). that, and you can easily Expect roswaal post-arc 4 to be suspicious and Probably up to something. you wont know what it is, but you wont Exactly be surprised when it happens.

and also roswaal isnt publicly batshit crazy like otto is. otto of course isnt as Openly Weird as subaru, but otto is still Openly Unhinged and Pathetic. just look at him declaring julius and anastasia, HIS CAMP'S ALLIES, as enemies right to their faces alsdfjlsdjfl.

and with subaru, there is Zero doubt in the emilia camp's minds that subaru wants the best for them and everyone around them.

otto though? yeah he also wants whats best for the camp. he Cares about them, he really does. but hes so obviously Questionable by the time you get to arc 8 to the point where the entire rest of the camp starts eyeing him like this:

theres also the fact that ottos dp allows him to have eyes and ears Everywhere so long as he doesnt overuse it. that paired with his Intelligence, Stubbornness, and Lack of Morals or self-awareness/sometimes guilt/regret over his actions is dangerous. theres a reason why gluttony if subaru decided to flood The Entire Surrounding Area Around Otto. the flood took away the potential army otto couldve made out of the animals and allies otto had in the city, and once you do that, whats otto going to do against someone like shaula? all of ottos power regarding his People Skills and Animal DP was stripped away.

but if that Isnt stripped away... well honestly otto can do whatever the hell he wants the moment he figures out a solid plan to try and get what he wants. his biggest ability at the core of what makes him dangerous is his ability to quite Literally be in the background. so long as hes underestimated, so long as he still has secrets, no ones gonna know the full extent of his bullshit!! you cant stop him if you dont even realize what hes going to do, and hes Good at doing that!!

and if gluttonybaru hadnt taken out otto, subaru would be skyrocketing right to the top of ottos shit list after subaru literally just killed All of ottos (and previously subarus.) loved ones. otto wouldnt stop until he figured out how to destroy subaru. its to the point where im pretty sure if otto had to choose between destroying half the world vs kill gluttonybaru once and for all, otto would certainly choose one of those options in a Heartbeat.

anyway. if youre an emilia camp member, and you see the dude whos in charge of the Vast Majority of the factions political affairs, the guy who you Know is very intelligent and competent and determined when it counts, say shit like "if everyone dies in this entire country i wouldnt even give a single flying fuck as long as our friends get back safe and sound :) it would be such a loss if the entire country lived but our friends didnt :<<<" OF COURSE I WOULD BE LIKE YEAH THAT GUY IS THE MOST DANGEROUS ONE HERE. HE HAS THE SKILLS AND THE MOTIVATION TO BACK UP THAT STATEMENT AND I WONT EVEN KNOW WHEN ITD HAPPEN. he also has the Mental Instability to back that up too, given the amount of times he spends drinking and Raging and Being Terribly Anxious over Every Little Thing.

youll be sweating buckets being wary of otto while ottos casually standing there with his wet cat looks and a knife in your back.

and otto has, for the most part, some of the most normal trauma compared to a bunch of people in this cast (not to discount ottos trauma and pain or anything but its true lajdsfls sorry otto. but also im not sorry because arc 5 was partially on you T^T). he doesnt have rbd, he doesnt have some weird family drama bullshit going on like the astreas or emilias family or the segmunts, he hasnt been erased by gluttony, etc etc. but hes still like this. if you put him in subarus position and gave him rbd, he would get even worse than he already is.

yeah so anyway thats my quick rambley psa about why i think it makes sense that the emilia camp's voted otto as the most threatening one there 👍

but the fact that we (the audience) (or at least some of us!!) keep questioning why the hell the emilia camp thinks otto is the biggest threat there is means that otto's funny silly guy image is. Kind of Working??? just a little bit.

because. granted. of course i think subaru is easily the most threatening person there with both His Flavor of Insanity and rbd. subaru is an eldritch horror in every single way. but at the same time - hes an eldritch horror who thinks friendship is the best magic of all T^TT !!! he FORGIVES PEOPLE WHO'VE KILLED AND TORTURED HIM. hes not threatening in this sense - the fact that hes kind of just way too nice in this sense!!! granted yes, he IS abusing rbd and Terrifying and Threatening in a multitude of ways, but i'd rather take my chances with mainbaru over main otto right now HAH T^TT at least subaru will apologize and start bawling his eyes out if he stabs some random innocent civilian and stranger in the gut for Some Necessary Reason!! otto would feel a bit bad and then completely Eradicate that feeling of guilt with "i had to do it. it was them or me so no regrets <3".

because otto..................... yeah otto is the Worlds Most Pathetic Yandere to his whole camp.

[lee-hakhyun]

Ok but oddly enough i feel like everything's gonna end just fine (im severely delusional)

i think so too. if this side story was important enough to be so long and break the 'perfect' open ending, there has to be a reason for it.

at the end of orv, after seeing everything kimcom has gone through for kim dokja, the story ends with a choice for you. does kim dokja wake up? after everything, does he survive? as a fragment of kim dokja, did you imagine that he (you) lived?

everything points to kim dokja waking up. but still, there are some people who, even after reading this entire story which insists over and over that kim dokja/they can live, still can't imagine it. there are some for whom the ending leaves them worse off.

sorry for using you so much anon, but this ask

Anonymous asked:

I know it's not clear but do you think there's some hope for us at the end of orv side stories? I finished orv and I feel so hopeless right now. can side stories change anything for us readers who aren't satisfied with ending..?

an open ending isn't the perfect ending for everyone. if the story is completed for you at this point, if you've learned that it's okay to survive, then orv has done what it wanted to do. you don't need to read any farther if you don't want to. the orv side story is still a side story, in the end

the plot of the side story. the readers of orv are brought directly into the story. at the center is an author, risking everything for their survival, saying over and over that these readers need to survive. do you see what i mean? this side story is about you as much as it is about kim dokja.

for the people who still don't get it, for the people who can't imagine a happy end on their own, the side story will shove it in your face. there is no maybes anymore. kim dokja will live, and so will you.

[hell-raven]

absurdly long tangent/analysis

EDIT FROM THE FUTURE: this isn't to dissuade anyone from interpreting the canon as they want i just wanted to share my personal opinions based on the preexisting canon that may or may not be very passionate, please just have fun do whatever you want none of this is fact

i really hate how utsuho is flanderized to death and constantly boiled down to "the dumb bird girl" because if you actually sit down and Read her dialogue instead of relying on secondhand information you learn quite a few things about her (when i say this is absurdly long i mean it so keep reading at your own risk)

extrapolating from her own dialogue:

she actually wanted to blow everything up in th11 for real and it wasnt just a "hehe whoops" kind of thing. she was bestowed an extremely powerful ability and deliberately wanted to use it to cause destruction/take over gensokyo

she is extremely knowledgeable about her ability and job (anything related to nuclear power and regulating the flames of blazing hell, or just things about former hell itself)

she takes her job very seriously and supposedly does it very well

but there are a few things that get people: she has poor memory, other characters refer to her as "birdbrained" or "empty-headed, and there are a select few instances of dialogue from hisouten/gouyoku ibun that catch peoples attention. its one of those things where because other characters (and people) say shes stupid, it influences everyone else! in my opinion, i think her own actions straight from the source are much more indicative of who she is rather than the quick judgements of other characters.

=======================

the first major point before i get into the specific dialogue in the fighting games: "kanako needed an empty-headed hell raven, and utsuho fit the bill"

what exactly is meant by "empty-headed"? this is going to be more of an abstraction, so definitely take it with a grain of salt. we dont know much about utsuho before she gained her powers, just that she worked as a lowly hell raven that helped around the palace of the earth spirits/hell. to me, it sounds like an incredibly mind-numbing job that really doesnt require much thinking to begin with, so of course you wouldn't expect some kind of supergenius from it. im also going to go out on a limb and say that utsuho was a candidate for kanako's plan because she's also considered a pet. many unfortunately conclude that pets can't be intelligent, and even the title of "pet" carries the connotation of inferiority. even if she was truly empty-headed as previously suggested, this doesn't mean that she stayed as such with no change at all. when i first played th11, i would have never guessed that she would be "the stupid one".

small note: ZUN's comment on her theme ("even a fool that possesses great power can't cause too much harm")

the problem i have with this is that she really would have caused a lot of harm if the protagonists hadn't stopped her. you could say shes a fool for letting the power get to her head, but objectively i cant exactly point to anything in th11's dialogue/scenarios that suggests she's foolish unless you really want to count bad memory-retention as such. not gonna argue this too hard, but it seems like "fool" is a word thrown around very freely with little thought to how you can actually apply it to a situation.

=======================

IN HISOUTEN: sanae beats her up and afterwards says "youre trying to help me, actually" to which utsuho is like "Oh Ok". you could argue this is probably her dumbest moment, but would you really not follow or listen to the person who defeated you in battle? its not the most defensible point, but she didnt even seem completely oblivious either when she was asking sanae about the incident. my personal interpretation is that she has a bit of a short temper related to how important her job is. there are plenty of other 2hus who are generally sillier than this, it doesnt make much sense why utsuho is the only one who gets this treatment.

IN GOUYOKU IBUN: utsuho doesnt notice reimu before she starts blasting her to bits, which to be fair reimu wears all red in Hell (her fault honestly) + correct me if im wrong but is the power of nuclear fusion not extremely blinding? supporting this, in the events of GI its also implied that shes being overworked due to the oil incident, and we already established that she takes her job very seriously, so to me it makes sense that her first thought is to "remove the contaminant" and to use a lot of her energy in the process. a lot of people in general sometimes get wrapped up in their own work to the point of hyperfocusing, i say the bird can do it too

i also havent brought up the fact that we dont exactly know wtf eating a god does to your brain, whos to say it didnt fuck with you a little bit?

past all of this though i still think utsuho is funny as hell with her particularly bold and uncaring personality, its just that people seem to think that a couple of goofy moments make up her whole character and its just mildly annoying to me.. subterranean animism will probably be my favorite portrayal of utsuho because of how seriously they all treat her (mostly) but overall i wish more touhou fans would actually indulge in the source material and think a bit deeper about this neat little piece of fiction that i am WAY too passionate about (also its just way more fun to look at characters from a complex perspective)

[deceptive-daydreams]

The Under-Ground (18+ ONLY)

Chapter Seven - Bake Sale

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 |

Modern!Barista!Eddie AU - The calm after the storm.

Enemies to Lovers, Modern!Barista!Eddie AU, Eddie x Fem Reader

8.7K Words

Warnings - Eddie is an asshole, eventual smut, mentions of drugs and drinking, drug dealing, allusions to mental illness, I don't think there's anything else but please let me know if I missed anything

Author's Note: i think im super proud of this one omg guys also...I put a little note at the end cause i didn't wanna spoil anything by saying what i was gonna say. also i fixated so much on each section of this as i wrote it so its like half proof read and then i was like ok the rest is up to god

Masterlist

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The storm subsided at around 2:00 AM and it would go down as the biggest storm in Hawkins’ history to date.  The flooding was unlike anything anyone had seen in years and the poor unequipped town was drenched to its roots.  Minor water damage affected homes and businesses, nothing too devastating but an inconvenience nonetheless.  A few trees had been struck down, if not by lightning then by the high winds that coursed through the night like they owned it.  Streets were blocked off with caution tape and traffic cones as the damages were assessed and Hawkins Square was littered in deep puddles that would soak you up to the knee if you happened to misstep.

It was fitting.  The world seemed to look just as you felt.  Mutilated.  Tarnished.  The calm after the storm, indeed.  Although things that night looked up between you and Eddie, an invisible peace treaty signed by the ink bleeding on the coffee cup, the scars didn’t just vanish.  This wasn’t a movie, this was real life and things didn’t just become beautiful again over night.  Pain didn’t just cease because you wanted it to or because someone said the right thing.  Someone could say a million of the right things but it doesn’t excuse their wrongdoings and the harm they’re capable of.  And it doesn’t erase them as someone who would pull the trigger on you if given the chance.

The sun flowed into the room at just the right angle, the kitchen countertop illuminated with the faintest rainbow in the morning light.  Beauty after tragedy.  It was cold, god was it cold.  The apartment might as well have been a walk-in freezer at this point, a place where you could store cold cuts and popsicles without hesitation.  But it was hard to complain about your living conditions when there was a warmth blossoming deep within your very being.  Whiskey colored eyes had the same effect as the real thing.  Warming you up from the inside out, relaxing every tensed muscle, melting away every stupid problem.  It pooled deep within you, a buried desire that was clawing its way out of your chest.  You’d been without a glance of those rich and honeyed irises for at least six hours, well into the beginning of the hour of 8:00 AM and yet it felt like you’d drank them in seconds ago with the way your veins heated.  The way your blood pumped and your nerves mellowed out.  If he was like a smooth shot of whiskey, you were at risk of becoming an alcoholic if you weren’t careful.

Snap out of it.

This was not a fairytale, things could not be fixed overnight.  He was still a stranger to you, a shell, you could not settle into comfort so easily, no matter how good it felt.  It didn’t matter that the buzz lingering beneath your surface was far more powerful than the first time at sixteen.

It didn’t matter.

All you knew was hurt by the hands of those closest and you weren’t going to let it happen again.  Never again.  Not even for boyish dimples.  Not even for the stupid cup of hot chocolate.  And certainly not for the way it felt to be pressed against his back when you begrudgingly accepted a ride home on his death machine of a motorcycle the night of the storm.  But that didn’t mean he didn’t have prime real estate in the back of your mind.

–

His hair.  Several curls falling from the confines of the low messy bun that should warrant a lecture from you on the food safety guidelines but you can’t bring yourself to do it.  Soft brown tendrils framed a concentrated face, tongue poked out in deep thought at the simple task of blending ice and coffee.  The grinding of the blades against the ice for longer than necessary should have you in shambles, causing an uproar, at the very least scolding him under your breath.  You don’t.  Instead it’s as if you’re under some kind of spell, a spell that continuously draws you to the insufferable but absolute Disney prince of a man before you.  It had been years since you’d seen him in such a light and it made everything all the more conflicting.

I hate him.

Several curses escaped his delicately pink lips as the blender came to a halt, the consistency of the liquid was long overblended and almost became a thicker milk but all you could focus on as his back came to face you was his broad shoulders, far more adult than you’d ever realized.  He was no longer a lanky high schooler, his frame had filled out and it filled out in his favor.  Had his arms only recently become a touch manlier or did your subconscious automatically blur it out all those times you encountered him only to end up with even more distaste after each interaction?  A distaste which would only blind you to the man he grew into.

No, I hate him.

But the moment you would tear your gaze away it would only gravitate right back to his hands which you guessed were noticeably larger than your own but you were in no position to find out.  With his rings more than likely temporarily abandoned atop the table in the back, his fingers seemed bare.  It only further made you appreciate them, a flash of a daydream posed in your mind where large hands decorated with chipped black polish rested at your waist.  

No, no, no.

He was not yours to daydream about nor would you want him to be.

Although…it was okay to think of him as physically attractive all while still keeping him at a distance wasn’t it?  After all, he was still awful.  You force yourself to recall the horrible things he’s said to you but you can only counter it with the appalling remarks you’d made in return.  Though he committed a horrendous act years ago that would make you bleed for years to come, you knew it didn’t warrant some of the comments you’d snapped at him in passing.  Especially those about his social status.  It was becoming apparent after the previous night’s conversation that you both struggled verbally and that his crude comments were always met with your degrading criticism.  You were both instigators.

But it was proving difficult to keep him in such a villainous light when he was so radiant.  So effortlessly alluring even as he tossed his liquified concoction into the sink with his brows knit tightly together and profanities falling from his tongue, thankfully quiet enough as to not alert any customers.  In all honesty, all he’s proved was that he was an awful barista.  Even then, it didn’t bother you as much as it should, your desire to scream at him would’ve been off the charts 24 hours ago.  That desire hadn’t even been simmering beneath your surface, the only desire burning within your depths was something unspoken and something you could never let bubble over ever again.  You wouldn’t.

Reality began settling back in, an enraged customer snapping his fingers at you, demanding your attention as your eyes widened at the realization that he’d been waiting on a simple black cup of coffee for the past few minutes.  Had the shop been busier you would’ve found a polite way to shut him up but in all fairness there were only three other customers at the moment, two of which were already enjoying their drinks.  Regardless, it didn’t seem to warrant the entitled behavior of the frowning middle aged man, a simple where is my order? would have sufficed.

“I’m so sorry, let me check on that for you.”

Customer service served with a smile.  And a side of sarcasm.

“Oh, you’ll check on that?  It’s a cup of coffee.  How hard is it to make—“

“There was a mix up with the orders, here’s your coffee.  My fault.”  Eddie slid the cup across the to go counter to its awaiting consumer, eyes slightly narrowed.

There was no mix up.  You really did forget all about the bland coffee up until you were rudely reminded.  And it definitely wasn’t Eddie’s fault.

—

1 Week Later

There was no escaping how absolutely enchanting a mundane task such as scrubbing the sink was.  It didn’t make sense and yet you lingered, pretending to rinse out the blender one time too many with the hope of catching Eddie’s forearms flex in his movements as he maneuvered the sponge around the sink.

Pathetic.

Which is why you tried so hard to snap yourself out of it.  Though you told yourself a week ago that you could admire from afar, even that was starting to not feel like enough which is why it needed to stop.  Eddie Munson had finally apologized to you but that didn’t mean throw caution to the wind.  You don’t just suddenly trust someone that for years only gave you reasons to steer far from them.  The key phrase was that he finally apologized.  Meaning he took far too long.  Fucked up too long ago and prolonged inexcusable behavior so far into the future that it was beyond repairing.  He didn’t deserve your sympathy or your persisting gaze.  Sorry meant nothing in the face of years of destruction.

Keep telling yourself that.

Because all you did was remain fixated on those stupid bats decorating his forearm for as long as rinsing out the blender would allow.  You had no idea how big of a breath you were holding in as you stood there next to him until you pulled away, snagging a rag from beneath the coffee bar to dry the container.  Lungs suddenly exhausted, you attempted to regain a semblance of your composure.

Every conversation since that one night had gone the same.  A few words exchanged pertaining to work only, some on his behalf coming off as silly banter only for you to keep your focus on any task you could grasp nearby, acting as if he bored you.  It killed him but he respected it.  That didn’t mean he’d stop trying to make nice.  If the only positive response he received from you all week was an accidental crack in your smile he would take it.  It’d be gone quicker than it came but he cherished it all the same.  In the last few weeks he came to terms with the fact that he could be on his best behavior but that didn’t mean you had to accept it which in turn meant that he would have to accept that.

So your muffled answers of ‘mhm’ and ‘yeah’ to everything he said felt like the end of the world to him but if it meant peace for you then he’d endure it.  The way you’d avoid his eyes made him miss you.  You were an arms length away but he missed you.  And no, it didn’t mean he necessarily missed prodding at you because you both had this sick game of who could throw the worst insult for years, it meant that he missed your attention, whether it be in spiteful phrases or aggressive stares.  He’d take what he could get and now, he was getting nothing.  He was starved, absolutely deficient of your gaze even if it did hold such a hateful fire for him.  Eddie supposes avoidance feels even worse than face to face conflict that was never even meant to be.  And it’s only because the way you shut down made him feel non-existent in your world.  At least before he had a place.

—

1 Week Later

Before every night shift at The Under-Ground was a grueling eight hours at the auto shop.  Hours that Eddie would spend mentally ripping himself to shreds even more so than before your more recent communication with him.  Although he hated himself for even thinking about it, he’d sometimes wager the idea of picking a small fight with you just to earn a fraction of your recognition, even if in a negative light.  Then he’d quickly acknowledge that doing so would only provide further evidence that he was never worthy of a moment of your time in the first place.  And he still fully believed that.  But he was eager to someday become the guy that was.

So when Steve Harrington strolled into the shop, twirling his keys around his finger, Eddie’s grip on his wrench tightened as he pushed himself further under the Chevy he’d been working on.  He’d never forgive Steve for all that happened, he’d take responsibility for his side of things but Steve inflicted a kind of pain on you that he could read in your eyes every time he saw you.  Though you hadn’t said much about Steve to him directly, the way you fixated on him and Eddie being ‘together’ dulled a certain light within you.  How could Steve let it happen if he knew the outcome?  The same could be asked of himself but he was concentrating on Steve right now.  The best friend.  The last person in the world you’d think to hurt you.

“Hey, Munson.”

At his feet stood the man in question.  The one that he’d swear to never associate with again.  Ignoring him wasn’t going to accomplish anything however he tried regardless.

“Munson.”

Figures.

“Get outta here, Harrington.”  Eddie remained monotone, uninterested in any persistence Steve was forcing upon him.

“Please, I need-“

“Need what?  Need me to get you off again?  Get out.”  It was said between clenched teeth, patience no longer a virtue.  There was rage bubbling under the surface and if he wasn’t careful, it would boil over and create an even bigger mess.  His conscience silenced his true inner monologue though that didn’t completely shut down his capabilities of biting back.  It was just much more stifled.

“No—what?  No, of course not.”  Steve’s nerves were fried and Eddie could tell just by the shake in his voice.  Fluorescent lights did him no favors, his usually radiant glow now dull in the stuffy garage.

“Then what, what are you doing in my bay?”  A seething Eddie slides out from underneath the sedan, sitting up to glare at the king himself.  “‘Cause I don’t have time for—whatever this is.”  He gestures between himself and Steve, fingers covered in grease.

“Just—I—have you, have you talked to her?”  Distraught.  Steve has the audacity to come off as distraught.  Eddie’s deep breath only furrows Steve’s brows, the vein in his neck straining as he focuses on the nearly irate mechanic before him.  

“Listen.”  Eddie’s coveralls are further tarnished with the oily substance from his hands as he wipes them on the rough navy material, frustration evident in the way his eyes squeeze shut for a mere second.  “You two seem to think communicating through me is going to fix this whole thing but it’s not.”  If he could run a hand down his face out of habit he would.  Instead he offers another sigh, a disappointed one.  “You need to talk to each other.  You keep using the enemy as a pawn and it's just gonna blow up in your face.”

“Munson, you’re not the enemy–”

Steve attempts to make nice, tries to let Eddie know that he’s not what he claimed him to be all those times.  Truth be told, Steve was always jealous.  

“Don’t try pitying me, dude.”  

It’s silent aside from the clanging of some tools a few bays down, the two staring at each other, one displaying an expression of warning while the other creases his forehead in some form of a plea.  An unsaid call for help.

“I’m not, I’m not!  I think we’ve both fucked up.  Bad.”  Way to go, Steve.  That’ll really help your case.  “Only difference is you fucked up in high school, we were all still kids.”  His words are lost on Eddie, he can tell by the way he reaches back to release his unruly curls from the confines of a bun, his head shaking around like a shaggy dog.  “I fucked up now so there’s no–no excuse of ‘we were so young!  I was dumb!’”

His excuse was that he’s selfish.  That was really all there was to it, no bigger picture, no hidden meaning that might bring justice to his name.  Steve was a horny guy and he in all honesty hadn’t considered the consequences of his actions.  Not even after Robin just about tore him a new one after she found out about the first time.  It’s like he’d forgotten all about the absolute heartbreak you went through, the fact that Eddie harbored a sore spot in your barely beating heart was miles away from his thought process.  King Steve must not have been buried that deep beneath his surface after all, not long forgotten back in junior year like he’d thought.  He was right here all along with the knife in his hand, unintentionally but still brutally stabbing you in the back.  And in the aftermath he was forced to bathe in the product of his egocentric ways.  No amount of self help books could remedy what seemed to be another broken heart, but even worse, platonically.  

This wasn’t like when he and Nancy called it quits back in senior year.  This was in a way, more gut wrenching and possibly pulled more tears from him than Nancy’s cutting but truthful words ever could.  And that’s saying something.  He shed a lot of tears that dreadful night but he’d go as far to say that he shed more the night you caught him hopping out of Eddie’s van.  Repercussions slammed his very existence and all he could do was blame himself because you had done nothing wrong and yet he went and severed the very friendship of someone who stuck by him through every questionable thing he had done.

And it was all over someone he never had any feelings for in the first place.  And over someone you did.  At least at some point.  

“Steve, I don’t have an excuse and you know it.”  Eddie was aware that he sounded borderline pathetic but what else did he have to hide?  His gaze lowered to his filthy boot, eyes as tired as his brain was before exhaling in defeat.  “I still keep fucking up whether I mean it or not.”  His pupils seemed to dilate in mourning, of what exactly, Steve couldn’t pinpoint.  Then Eddie shook his head, resentment etched into his features as he ran his tongue behind his teeth before clicking it in displeasure.  “Why are you even searching for an excuse?  What we both did was shitty.  But for you it might be even worse because while I was the ‘bad guy’ the whole time, you were still her best friend.”

Steve was well aware.  He craved the bliss that came with being ignorant but that was no longer something he could allow himself to do.

“Yeah.”  He breathes out, earnest eyes dropping to the scuffed floor below him.

“Yeah?  That’s it?  You need to like, go beg for mercy or some shit.”  

Receiving advice from Eddie Munson was the last thing Steve ever thought he’d be doing and yet here he was.  Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson was schooling him and suddenly everything felt so backwards.  But maybe that’s how it needed to be in order for things to go back to how they were.  For you to at least talk to him, if not to beg for your mercy then to apologize profusely before leaving his fate in your hands.

“I know, man.”  A pitiful sigh escaped his lungs, too pitiful for Eddie’s liking.

The smell of fumes throughout the shop lingered in Steve’s nostrils which left him with a tinge of discomfort but nothing could prepare him for the way Eddie almost instantly stood to tower over him despite being around the same height.  It was his demeanor that made him feel inferior.  Dark eyes, deepening even more so from aggravation, lips contorted into a condemning scowl, fists clenched at his side, knuckles white.

“I don’t think you do, ‘cause why are you coming to me?”  Flared nostrils declared a new vendetta against Steve.  

“I-I…”

“Man up, Steve.  Say whatever you’re trying to say to me, to her.  I’m not the one who needs an apology.”  It was fair enough.  Steve wasn’t sure why he walked into that garage just minutes ago.  Maybe it was because despite what everyone says, Eddie was fairly level headed.  Maybe it’s because Steve needed someone stubborn to mentally beat some sense into him and Eddie was the only one he could think of to do it with no remorse.

With a noticeable gulp, Steve felt his eyes sting but didn’t dare let any tears surface.  He was not throwing a pity party.  “I don’t know how.  She won’t even talk to me–I–every time I try–”  

“That’s not my problem is it?  ‘M just your boy toy, remember?”  

Ouch.  

Among the turmoil Steve had created, he failed to understand that Eddie could be just as affected.  And what Eddie wouldn’t willingly reveal was that he was genuinely hurt.  Because you were hurt.  And because Steve seemed like the most oblivious idiot on the planet.  Sure he had his words with you and he wasn’t proud of most of them but that was another beast.  He had always been the opposing force, Steve was your right hand man the entire time.  In all honesty, Eddie couldn’t care less about Steve using him for pleasure, he cared that he did it at your expense whether he bothered to know that or not the few times they met up.  He knew he was just some guy so what was there to lose but Steve?  Steve had a lot to lose.

“Eddie, you wanted it too.”  Steve’s head shook in contemplation, longing for the right words but always finding the wrong ones.

“Yeah, well not anymore.”

Eddie’s harsh front faltered, exhausted as his shoulders slumped.  Steve ran a nervous hand through his stupid big hair and for some reason it put Eddie on edge.

“Obviously.”  Steve exhales, nodding before his eyes give away that he was lost in thought.  

“So why are you here?”

A valid question.  A question that Steve was finding he didn’t want to answer.  But he had to.

“Because–because I feel like I, I owe you an apology.”  He babbled at first, humiliating himself further before finding his footing and grasping the words that he knew would ground him.  Even if he didn’t like it, he knew this was the start of putting the pieces back together.

“Again, you’re talking to the wrong person–”  Eddie appeared worn out, head tilted back and gaze fixed to the ceiling as he let out a self soothing breath before being interrupted.

“I’m sorry for trash talking you for as long as we’ve known each other and then using you.”  He never thought he’d hear such words from Steve Harrington.  Which made it all that much more awkward to respond to.

“Thanks?”

Eddie expects that to be the end of it, waits for Steve to press his lips into a straight line in the silence and then stride out the large bay door without another word but he doesn’t.  And he kind of wants to kick his ass as more words begin to pour from his mouth. 

“I know…I know she should be the first person I apologize to, and, and I’ve tried to but she’s not my biggest fan right now.”  Boo hoo.  That’s the only response Eddie can conjure up so he keeps his mouth shut.  “And I guess, I feel like I can’t until I fix this first because Eddie…”  Steve sucks in such a large breath that Eddie feels like he may have been on the verge of passing out.  But he also senses it’s because all of this is very difficult for Steve to say aloud.  Within the same breath, Steve releases the rest of the words he was clutching so tightly to in his chest.  “She was so head over heels for you back then and I fucking spit on your name no matter how much she talked you up.  And I know you ruined things on your own but I went and fucked things up on my own and I don’t know how I could’ve done it so easily knowing, knowing how much she liked you and then how much she was hurt by you.  And then I went and did what I did, it just–it doesn’t make sense, I know.”

It’s quiet again.  Neither man speaking, only looking at each other in anticipation.  And after several moments of distant metal clanging against metal a few bays over, Eddie finally clears his throat.

“Harrington,”  He starts, eyes flashing with the most intimidating fire you’d ever see.   “You’re throwing the biggest pity party I’ve ever seen and if this is how you plan to apologize to her you should just give up now.”

The sentiment was cruel but beneath it was a plea of ‘get your shit together, please’.  And god, he hopes Steve picks up on it.  

“Yeah…yeah.”  Steve’s eyes were glazed over, the thinnest sheen of tears coating them before he blinked them back, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

Eddie guesses Wayne is rubbing off on him because his next words come off more wise than cruel.  An unexpected empathy resonated within him though he doesn’t fully believe it’s well deserved.

“What you need to do is just admit you messed up.  No excuses.  If she really matters to you, you don’t need to sit here and apologize to me and get all up in your feelings.  You need to talk to her and if she doesn’t wanna listen…”  He sighs, a sort of calm overtaking him.  “Well, respect it.”

Steve seemed to ponder, the advice overwhelming him but still penetrating through his thick skull.

–

Steve👸: Hey

Steve👸: Can we talk?

Sox🧦 : No

Steve👸 : Five minutes.  And then you’ll never have to hear from me again.  Promise.

“Who are you texting?”  Will leaned over to view your phone screen, ever the nosy boy.  Quickly clicking the off button, you refrain from sharing any messy details of what happened between you and Steve.  Sure he’d seen the initial smack down in the parking lot which you regret but he didn’t need to know anything more.  Hell, he didn’t even know that Robin was out of your circle.

“No one, I was just checking something for one of my assignments.”

“Liar.”  What you always forgot was how much of a bloodhound he was.  Could sniff out anything that smells slightly off.  It always caught you off guard although it only made you look like a fool since he did it time and time again.  Throwing a surprise party for his sixteenth birthday was impossible with the way he was such a detective.

“Nuh uh!”  You defended, placing your phone face down on the flour coated counter of the Byers kitchen, an egg taking its place in your hand as you cracked it against the off-white ceramic bowl.  

“Yuh huh!  Give me that–”

“Knock it off!”  Waving Will off, you threaten in a simple gesture to let the slimy egg white and yolk ruin his newest Hellfire shirt, a special edition design created just by him.  It was quite impressive actually, dragons symmetric on the front, breathing fire onto the logo overlaid with a skull and crossbones.

With a scoff, Will surrenders with his hands thrown up and eyes wide, amusement prominent across his face.  “It’s Steve, I already saw it.  So what are you trying to hide from me this time?”

“What–I’m not trying to hide anything.”  You were just further certifying yourself as a liar, but you felt this one time it was for good reason.

“Then why can’t I see it?”

An intense stare burned into the side of your face as you attempted to resume your unfinished baking, barely even started but the kitchen showcased several dirty bowls, some housed in the sink piled high in soapy water while others were scattered across the laminate.  Brownie batter, cookie dough, cake mix, the works.  It would appear as if you were preparing for a bake sale if anyone were to walk in.  But was just a Friday night turned into a full fledged baking frenzy on a whim.  Which was much needed after a particularly stressful shift at The Under-Ground, it had been busier than most days, mostly because fall activities began to ensue.  Hawkins’ famous hayride had started up for the season and dropped off several families in the square who only trickled into the shop for hot drinks and buttery yet sweet pastries.  Screaming children were not something you were anticipating hearing all night but it made you appreciate the calm of closing up after, only the sounds of you dropping change into the register mixed with Eddie humming under his breath as he swept up graced your tired ears.

“Just leave it alone.  Please?”  An eggshell is tossed into the makeshift scraps bowl you’d set aside nearby, a bit too aggressively for comfort.  A telltale sign that Will should not leave it alone.

“I’m not a baby.  You don’t need to protect me from all the ugly shit that happens.”  He was seventeen, still a baby to you.  But the irritation was apparent in the way that he grabbed the bowl of brownie batter from the counter, glaring at it like it owed him money, however you knew the glare was meant for you.  “I wanna be there for you like you’re there for me.”

Fuck.  That just about ripped your heart in two.  He was such a sweet kid, always wanting to do right by those he cared about.  You bounced the idea back and forth, should you enlighten him or continue shielding him?  Your decision was made for you when the words tumbled from your lips, your subconscious declaring that Will could forever be the baby of the group but he was growing up regardless and you couldn’t hold him to that standard for eternity.  He would eventually have to face uncomfortable situations and hiding them from him completely might do more harm than good, he deserved to be in the know and to feel like an equal rather than some naive child.

“Okay.  Um–yeah, it’s uh, it’s Steve…”

“And…?”

“He just wants to talk.”

Your wooden spoon scraped against the bowl, combining the dry and wet ingredients together, your concentration never leaving the forming batter.  Red velvet.  Will set down the brownie batter he had been inspecting, reaching for a glass dish and proceeding to butter it up generously, the oven already preheated behind him. 

“You haven’t talked to him since…”  He cocks a curious brow at you, momentarily looking up at you from his current task.

“No.  No, I don’t even wanna see him.”  Your admission is quiet, almost ashamed.  “But, um, let’s just, let’s just finish this up.”  The attempt to change the subject fails, the boy dropping his head down to catch your averted eyes.

“Do you want to talk to him?”

“No.”  You tread carefully, ever so cautious of the fact that Will had the ability to catch the slightest hesitation in your tone.

“Really?  Cause I smell bullshit.”  Such a damn bloodhound.

“Why would I want to talk to him?  Didn’t you see what happened?”  Though it was a fair point, you knew you were being avoidant and that it wouldn’t necessarily help anything, only prolong the pain and the awkwardness that would come with finally speaking to him.  It had been weeks which would already create a nasty film between the two of you, something grimy and difficult to just scrub away.

Will offers a sympathetic sigh, and unspoken ‘I know you’re hurting but isolating yourself is only going to hurt more’ and you’re fully aware that he knows that feeling all too well.  “I did see and it was really bad.  But you’re not even gonna hear what he has to say about it?”  His gentle approach was appreciated though it was just the way you talked to each other about these things.  No judgment, only the right questions.

“Will, you have no idea of some of the other things that happened years ago that make this so much worse than it already is.”  You’d regret how whiny you sounded except he’d seen you at your most vulnerable before so it was nothing he hadn’t experienced before.

“Okay, then what do I not know?”  The gooey chocolate batter is poured into the glass dish he had prepared, resembling how your feelings were about to ooze right out of your very being.

“I’m not getting into all that now.”

“No, you don’t get to do that!”  He doesn’t sound unkind but not the friendliest either, slamming the now empty bowl on the counter.  You had it coming, you suppose.  “You’re visibly stressed out, even worse lately, I’m one of the only ones that notices and I’m not even allowed to know the full story?”

“Will.”

There’s no saying no to his expression, blue eyes blinking at you and brows raised in anticipation.  There’s no trace of judgment, just curiosity and worry.  And just as you’re about to dive in head first and reveal all that you tried to withhold, the ring of the doorbell shuts you up just as fast.

The digital numbers on the stove read 10:46 PM, an ungodly hour for anyone to be ringing someone’s doorbell which is why you and Will share the same puzzled look, eyes shifting from each other toward the front door just off the kitchen.  Will doesn’t necessarily live in the most populated area so there’s reason to be concerned over a visitor at such late hours.

“You get it.”  Will rushes out.  “Nose goes!”  A speedy finger touches the tip of his nose, your cheeks flushing in irritation as the doorbell chimes once more.  “Go!”  He whisper yells, gently pushing you toward the door.  A scowl remains on your face as you take your time.  Will would do anything for you.  Except sacrifice himself to the serial killer knocking at his own front door apparently.  You’d never cursed a door so harshly for not having a peephole.

Deep down, you knew it’d more than likely be someone like Jonathan.  It was the logical explanation, he’d lost his key and since he didn’t live here anymore, now residing in an apartment closer to downtown with Nancy, he didn’t have the urgency to replace it.  But Jonathan would usually be pounding on the door, announcing that it was him.  Could it be Joyce?  Doubtful.  She always knew where everything was and keys were the most important out of everything you’d come to learn after she scolded Jonathan for not replacing his old key to the house just in case of an emergency.  Maybe it was Lucas?  He never screamed or announced his presence when showing up.  Couldn’t be Dustin or Mike, they were too rowdy and would never wait this long before jiggling the handle and yelling that they knew Will was home and to ‘answer the damn door’.  It could be El?  But never Max.  Max had a distinct knock, firm and heavy, no bullshit, never rang the doorbell.  The build up was only making you more anxious by the second as you’d reached for the doorknob.  You’d probably be the first one dead in a horror movie, you had no idea why you let Will force you to answer his door.  Regardless, you ever so slightly twisted the knob and the door creaked open, only a sliver of the outside visible as you tried your best to peek around the crack.  And before you could even begin to make out any figure awaiting entry on the porch, a large hand splayed across the wood and pushed it effortlessly, sending you stumbling back as the wind knocked out of you.

“Okay, Byers.  Where’s my dice?  And my game controller?”  

Eddie.

He’d side stepped through the door, forcing his way in obviously only expecting Will but still not realizing you stood before him as he glanced around the house.  

“C’mon you knew I’d be stopping by after work, little Byers.  I’ve been looking for that controller for fucking weeks–”

You could pinpoint the moment realization hit him that he was mouthing off to you and not Will.  His eyes seemed to almost soften.  Pupils dilating so suddenly.  And then he was speechless, mouth opening and closing but words never spilling out.  Then it hit you that you probably looked ridiculous in the Mickey Mouse apron you had been strutting around in, various types of batter smeared on your cheeks and chin, maybe some on your nose too but you couldn’t remember.  And god, you were wearing your fuzzy pajama pants littered with pumpkins and bats finished off with some fuzzy socks that were striped like candy corn.

Eddie had never wanted to fall to his knees for someone so badly in his life.

He’d never seen you like this before.

Tacky.

In the most adorable way.

“I–um, I was looking for–”

“Will?”  You finish for him, desperately trying to pull our eyes away from him but finding it impossible.  And then you realized what he was wearing which only spurred on your need to drink him in.  A black Metallica shirt cropped just above his happy trail, sleeves cut off to display his tattooed arms and black sweats that hung just right on his hips complete with a pair of black converse on his feet.  For a second you wondered how he wasn’t shivering.  You could only hope that he wouldn’t notice your drooling,  praying that the dim lighting would cast enough shadows over your face that any fondness you were displaying would be hidden.

“Y-yeah.”  He swallows, fingers tangling in a few of his curls before resting back at his side, keys dangling in his other hand.

“Kitchen.”  You mumble, pointing.

He nods, the silence taunting you both as you trail behind him into the kitchen.  Will is already staring wide eyed as you enter, looking between you with something amusing behind his expression.  And in that moment the awkwardness melts off of Eddie, his usual cocky self returning.

“Dice?  Controller?  Man, I told you I was gonna come by–”

“I forgot but I have both–”

“Oh, you forgot?”  A mischievous grin overtakes Eddie’s face, Will playing along with it as they both brace their palms flat against the kitchen island, staring at each other instantly but with playful intention.

“Ed, don’t do this.”  Will warns, unable to maintain a serious face, corners of his lips pulling despite his best efforts.

“Oh, I have to.”

Eddie fakes him out, body about to move to the right but instead quickly changing to the left to which Will screeches in mock fear, rushing to the other end of the kitchen.  Any time Will goes to make a move, Eddie is seconds quicker than him.  When Will tries to make his big escape he’s instantly caught in a chokehold, the metalhead’s arm secured around him as he ruffles his hair with a fist, the classic noogie.  Will’s laughter is contagious, a few ‘stops’ littered throughout and you can’t help but join and giggle as you watch the scene play out before you.

“Dice?”  Eddie halts his movements to ask, side eyeing the boy.

“On the desk–in–in my room.”  He answers out of breath, clutching onto Eddie’s forearm.

Eddie continues his torture on Will, rough housing a little more before stopping once again.

“Controller?”

“Coffee table!  Are we done?!”

“Nope.”  A full on wrestling match takes place in the small confines of the kitchen, both boys stumbling around and bumping into cabinets.

It was weird.  You knew Eddie and Will were pretty close but you’d never seen them like this and maybe it's because you refused to linger in a room long enough if Eddie was there.  Now you didn’t really have the urge to leave.  All you could do was watch.  Eddie’s dramatics flared as he cackled in Will’s face, Will telling him to ‘shut the fuck up’ between gasps for air.

“Tap out.”  Eddie demands.

“No!”

“Tap.  Out.”

At some point you hadn’t even paid attention to the way Will hesitated in surrendering, you were too caught up in the way Eddie’s already cropped shirt rode up in the position he was in, his waist looking all too enticing, lower back on full display however you refrained from trailing your eyes up his spine.

Stop it.

“Okay, I tap out!”  Will smacks his hand against Eddie’s forearm that was secured around him, instantly granted relief after saying the magic words.

“Eddie The Banished reigns supreme.”  He pumps his fist in the air in triumph, face scrunched in victory.

You roll your eyes but in all honesty, it’s not out of pure annoyance just this once.  It feels more like when a friend does something stupid and all you can feel is warmth flush through your body and your initial reaction comes naturally.  Effortlessly.

“Okay, now get your precious things and go.”  Will points at the door, sass overtaking every movement, the playful energy still buzzing between them.

A pang in your heart says don’t go.  But you remain quiet as a mouse in the corner between the sink and the microwave.  You don’t mean that.  You try to bargain with yourself.  Seeing him in this light does not excuse his past no matter how much of an ache you feel in your chest.  The good kind.  

“Okay, okay.”  Eddie sighs, catching his breath, a grin still stretched across his face.  “Hey, what the fuck happened here?”  He stops in his tracks, gesturing to the atrocity that has become every surface of the kitchen.  Batter and dough of all kinds smeared along the countertops, eggshells discarded along with balled up foil on Will’s side of the mess, and of course the towering bowls just about ready to tumble out of the sink, filled with suds, wooden spoons and whisks.  And of course the bag of chocolate chips that had spilled, sprinkled across the surface, some even dismissed on the floor, there was even some kind of dough caked onto the handle of the fridge.

“We’re having a bake sale.”  You break your prolonged silence from the corner, mouth upturned in almost a smirk but not quite, it’s more like you’re holding in a laugh.  At the sound of your voice, Eddie’s head snaps in your direction, molten chocolate eyes landing on you in such a way that has your breath hitching.

“A bake sale?”  He questions, doubt written across his handsome features, his tone hinting at the fact that he knows you’re bullshitting him.

“Mhm.”

“Aren’t you like–aren’t you bad at baking?”  

How does he know that?  

Will’s eyes widen and he sucks in the most subtle breath.  That’s how.

“Can’t I be bad at something but also still try?”  You argue.

“I dunno, can you?”  It’s almost mean, almost.  But it doesn’t feel the same as when he’s usually ridiculing you.  The dimple peeking out at you provides evidence of an opposite intention.  He’s teasing but not to be a dick, unless you were reading him wrong.  And there was very little chance that you were since the past few weeks at work, he had almost left you alone all together save for a few questions here and there and maybe a few bad jokes.  But other than that he was solely a coworker who you held no personal ties to.

“Well that’s how you learn.  You keep trying until you get it.  So far nothing has burned and the batter tastes good–try it.”  You don’t know what you’re trying to prove but your body had already been on autopilot, it’s sole mission to keep him from leaving.  A wooden spoon coated in red velvet cake batter is offered to him, you twirling it to keep it from dripping everywhere.  Eddie glances from you to the spoon a few times rather quickly, almost as if he’s waiting for you to psych him out and tell him to go to hell.  In a way he wishes you would just so he knows he isn’t dreaming.  He makes his way around the island, standing next to you, not too close but just close enough that he can steal the spoon from you, his tongue licking up the back of it.  The sight is strangely erotic.

“Not bad.”  He hums, continuing until the spoon is halfway clean.  You want to mention that he’ll risk getting sick from eating too much, raw eggs aren’t exactly ideal to eat even if disguised as a delicious batter, but that would show that you care.  Which you don’t.

“What am I missing?”  Will addresses the elephant in the room, containing a smile that might be too big for his face if he were to let it take over.

“What?”  You ask, head tilted in a way that has Eddie’s eyes lingering for a moment before turning his head and copying your actions, tongue still committed to the spoon, licking up every ounce of sweetness.

“Are we–did we–end up in a parallel universe?  Why aren’t you threatening to kick his ass?”  He points an accusatory finger at you.  “And why aren’t you making snarky comments?”  He points to Eddie who is still too busy licking any remnants of the mixture.

All you can offer is a casual shrug before snatching the utensil right from Eddie’s hand, tossing it into the overflowing sink.  “I’ll kick your ass if you were even going to think about double dipping that spoon in my bowl.”  You warn, a touch mean.  “There, are you happy?”  You look to Will for approval, skepticism still painted all over his face, his arms crossed in uncertainty.

“I wasn’t done.”  Eddie frowns, ignoring your threat to instead dip a daring finger into the bowl of artificial red.

“Hey!”  Both you and Will begin to reprimand him.

“Just one more–”  He doesn’t finish his thought as you grab the bowl, holding it behind your back.

“Say I’m good at baking.  Both of you.”

Eddie and Will look to each other in perplexity.  Will can’t comprehend the sudden playfulness you have for both him and Eddie.  Usually this would end up in an argument, one saying something a bit too offensive for the other’s taste and from there it would spiral.  Instead neither party is engaged in conflict but rather play and it’s not unwelcome, just…weird.

“Excuse you?”  Eddie takes the bait.

“The two of you seem to talk trash about my baking skills behind my back but I didn’t see you complaining two seconds ago while you salivated all over the spoon.”

You only receive a scoff in response, Eddie crossing his arms as if to appear more intimidating.  He only looks more like a misunderstood teddy bear.

“Say it.”

“Anyone can make cake out of a box.”  He retaliates, Will releasing a small gasp as he hides his smile under his hand.

“Oh, okay.  I’d love to see you out of all people bake a cake.”  You challenge him.

“This is more like it.”  Will mumbles, though he knows this is not at all the usual bickering that happens between you.

“Oh, you want me to out-Betty Crocker you?”  Eddie threatens.

“You can try.”  You shrug, setting your bowl back onto the counter.

“No, no.  I will.”

“Guys it’s literally cake from a box.”  Will intervenes.

And so started the greatest bake off the Byers’ kitchen has ever seen.  

–

“Okay, wait.  I have a grievance with this competition.”  Eddie speaks up, abandoning an uncracked egg on the countertop only for it to roll off and crack at his feet.  “Damn.”

“What’s the matter now?”  Will asks in mock annoyance.  Every other minute Eddie had a near microscopic complaint but it only entertained you.  Curses at wrong measurements, that his bowl wasn’t as pretty as the others, or that he wanted the whisk Will was using.

“Why don’t I get matching pants?”

You glance down at your Halloween themed pajama pants and then to Will’s.  They were a steal at Target and you couldn’t resist, knowing Will would love them as much as you did.  That, and every year you bought a matching pair for both fall and christmas.  You can’t help but feel a huge smile pull at your lips, the sight of Eddie pouting with his hands on his hips is all too endearing.

“For one, you weren’t even invited to this sleepover.”  You sass, pouring your newly mixed chocolate cake batter into its pan.  “And two, this is our thing.”  You gesture between you and Will standing a few feet next to you, Eddie directly across the island sporting an even bigger frown.

“Yeah, you kinda crashed our party.”  Will adds, snickering with you.

“Wow.  I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that and instead you pledged your undying loyalty to me.”  Always a drama queen.  “Whoa–wait, wait!  How are you already done I haven’t even–”  He quickly realizes you’re already setting your masterpiece in the oven while his bowl still contains both dry and wet ingredients, unmixed.

“Guess we can already tell who’s gonna ‘out-Betty Crocker’ who.”  You smirk.

“Oh, hell no.”  He mutters under his breath, suddenly focused on mixing.

While Eddie just about buries his head in the bowl, Will graces you with a look.  A knowing look.  You claim innocence with a lift of your brow but you both know.  You’re just too ignorant right now to acknowledge it.

–

Seeing Eddie Munson dancing and screaming to Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift was something you could never even fathom and yet here he was.  Unapologetically singing every word and putting on one giant show with Will, singing into random kitchen utensils while the speaker blared the song.  He knew every word.  You didn’t dare interrupt the choreography they had come up with on the spot, watching from your comfortable perch on the stool at the counter.  

Will sounded like a dying animal and it occasionally had you reaching up to cover your ears but your smile never faltered.  And Eddie was unstoppable.  He didn’t sound that bad though he was shouting along with Will at the top of his lungs so you figure if he actually tried he would sound angelic.  Once the song reaches the bridge you can’t help but drown in your own laughter, both of them strutting in between where the living room meets the kitchen as if it were their own personal runway.

Your eyes open, nearly crying only to find Eddie just feet away extending his ‘microphone’ to you with a raised brow and a cocky grin.  Your immediate reaction is to shake your head, your nerves instantly on edge at the mere idea of holding any kind of attention.

“C’mon, you’re gonna miss the bridge again!”  Eddie waves you over in a rush.  You don’t budge, a flash of worry washing over you and it seems that it was written all over your face.  “C’mon Roadkill, don’t make us finish off without ya.”  He half jokes, Will still screeching like a banshee behind him.  “Do it for little Byers.”  He cocks his head toward the boy, pleading eyes begging you to change your mind.

Slowly, you emerge from your comfy perch, snatching up your own ‘microphone’ with a bashful gleam in your eyes.  Just in time for the bridge again, you strut toward Will who excitedly starts jumping and nodding at your participation. 

“I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you!”  You yell in each other’s faces, wheezing as you continue dancing–if you could even call it dancing.  Your confidence skyrocketed.  Turning toward Eddie, you sing to each other the last line of the bridge.

“And I screamed for whatever it’s worth, I love you ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard!”

Chests heaving and mouths hung open, his eyes swallow you whole, dark honey slowly pulling you under.  Your first instinct is that you should run but he feels too much like home to ever willingly leave.  If it’s so wrong, why does it feel so right to stare into pools of deep amber?

~end~

Author's Note: okay if you're reading this TY SO MUCH. The scene where reader is kinda admiring eddie at work, i had 1 step forward 3 steps back by olivia rodrigo playing along with it for me and rather than something super sad, it's kind of the opposite in this case as theyre coming out of their angsty era so if you just listen to that and imagine her admiring him with a little content smile on his face as he works it makes me want to SCREAM lmk if it does the same for you ok BYE <3

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Masterlist

tags - @mmunson86 @haylaansmi @batkin028 @obscureenigmatic @micheledawn1975 @dreamerjj @hideoutside @hellfirefiend @emilyslutface @rustboxstarr @3rd-conchord @eddiessteady @lightcommastix @kittydeadbones @shadows-echoes @str4ngerthingsslut @winchester-angel @elegantkoalapaper

[pmpwbrrs]

I'm pretty much in love with your off string au could you ramble more abt it .,. I'd be extremely happy to read it

Im glad you like it and thank you for reminding me that I wrote this, and giving a reason to ramble <3!! Sadly i don't have anything to really add? But I'll say what i kept to myself i guess!

I keep remembering about one of the things ghostlycoze said.

—

—

I actually REALLY like this idea. I don't think ALL iterators are gonna have this problem, because not all iterators, i like to think, associate themselves with their puppet? And they are all different. But i love thinking about how some of them look up at the sky, and see endless heavy clouds produced by their still giant, powerful colleagues(family? friends?), while they are here, small, and so vulnerable. I like to think that that the longer they stare at the bottomless, grey sky, the more they can't tear the eyes away. How they feel their new heart beating faster now, and it makes them nauseated and more stuck in this moment – because this heart is beating like a mouse's. So fast, they can feel it, they can hear it, in their neck, in their chest. And it's foreign. The sky is foreign. The choking dampness of the air is foreign, the wet cold soil is foreign. THEY are foreign. Can they be even considered an iterator? How? They are not even the same person, how can they still call themselves an iterator?

What have they done to themselves?

I don't think some iterators even manage to handle this. I think some of them, with no way of returning to a previous live, take an easy way out. Or at least risk it – after all, they don't know what the Cycle thinks of not only iterators, but of an abomination like them.

For some of them this is not freedom. For some of them, freedom is impossible to obtain, even when they have risked it all and threw away everything that made them who they were.

Or maybe, for some of them, at some point – standing in the cold, wet soil, becomes a sort of relieve. Perhaps, for some of them, the damp air and the now rumbling, endless sky, become more welcome. Maybe it's better for them, than what they were before. Maybe they'll get used to this, even if it's so hard it makes their head heavy, and their breath quickened, and even when they are not what they were, and never will be. Maybe as they breath in, they'll be reminded that they are no longer stuck because they've been given no other choice, but they are stuck on their own accord. Maybe that makes them ecstatic. Or, yet again, scared, or regretful. Or guilty. It depends on an individual. But overall, it's hard for all of them. And not all of them can or wants to deal with this.

–––

I also remember I was thinking about «what if Pebbles is saved only in Saint's era?». But the more I thought about it, the more sad and existential I became, and I never got around to drawing anything, because the idea of slowly losing yourself and all your memories terrifies me.

I think, if Pebbles is saved in Saint's time, there is no way to bring him the way as he once was. It's just NO WAY, i can't believe it. His whole body had fucking giant TEARS in it, there wasn't a single place left of him, his neurons are now squashed by 574020 kms of rot, 30942 kms of metal and dead organic and his flesh, and 2933892 kms of snow, he's a home for fauna and flora now. He will never come back. MAYBE some neurons will help?? But i don't think they will, or that they should help as much as they helped Moon.

Pebbles cannot recover fully. Of course, care and patience and not being in his corpse will help, slowly, but still not a whole lot.

I wonder how Moon would feel about him. How everyone would feel. And mainly, how Pebbles would feel.

I already somewhat explored the idea of Pebbles losing his memories. It was an animatic about his life flashing before his eyes, but wrong and twisted, and he can't remember the names of the people he cared about, but he feels guilt and shame, and in the end he gets ascended (right now animatic is abandoned).

But... If he's off string....

Imagine how painful it is to look in the eyes of a person and know that you did something horrible to them, but you can't remember what it was, and you can barely even remember who this person is. All you know is that you love them, and that you have hurt them. How would their forgiveness feel? Would Pebbles feel weird relief? Confusion? Grief? Will it even help?

Will he feel anger and an inexplicable sting of pain when they look at him with pity? How would he feel if he saw people's hope when they think he might remember something, but he just can't?

I already said that "iterator off string is not even the same person", but in the case of Five Pebbles in Saint's time, I think it applies to him even more. He's not the same person even before he gets out.

How would he feel being so small and fragile, but being aware of it, now? How aware is he, really? Has he even agreed to go off string? Could he agree? How would HE feel about the stuff I said earlier? The sky, the snow under his feet, the freezing, biting wind?

I don't like making things all dark and gloomy and no hope FOREVER only SUFFERING though. I think there are ways to help Pebbles and to heal. For all of them, really. Sure, as I said, I like to think there's not much you can do to help FP, but there are ways. And in the end, even though he doesn't have his memories, and he's scared and confused, and he's weak and small, and he's in pain, and he feels cold – he's with people he loves, and who love him. I think it's beautiful. And I think it's an improvement on rotting away in the snow and listening to the same tune until the end of time. And now he gets warm much more often.

–––

That's pretty much it? I didn't think about off string that much. I GUESS there are also some fanfiction i wrote, but ehh + I'm shy about my writing + it's russian and needs translation + it doesn't focus the on a dread of being off-string and all that, so I'm not gonna show that.

A lot of people left really interesting thoughts in tags on this post with nsh though, so I recommend you to check them out, they are lovely <3

[matthewloverr]

The Book P3

matt x maysen drew (femreader)

part three | part one | part two

summary: when watching the people you love destroy themselves and choose money and fame over you, you found someone else to love.

warnings: swearing, smoking (weed, cigarettes) angst, mention of substance abuse/ addiction, mentions of abuse, angst, some mentions of starving

a/n: again this chapter is pretty heavy so please read at your own risk and take care of yourself i love you and enjoy !

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

i stare at him blankly, did he really just say that, did those words come out of his mouth?? no i must’ve heard him wrong.

“masyn?” he says staring at me concern written all over his face.

“what do you mean matt” my voice cracking as i struggled to hold back my tears.

he takes a deep breath.

“that night i was gonna surprise you and show up at your house to hangout, i heard noises from the house so i parked down the street and turned my lights off, your dad sped out of there so fast he didn’t notice me”

i felt my heart go up in my throat. matt was fucking there, matt knew something had happened and never said anything.

anger pumped through my veins, im not sure why but my mind couldn’t focus on that.

i just stared at him with tears brimming in my eyes before i ran my tongue along my teeth.

“take me home” i said deadpanning out the window.

“what”

“i said, take me the fuck home”

“mays please” he pleaded begging me to look at him.

“ill fucking walk”

with that he threw the car in drive and out we went, the car ride was silent but there was so much tension. the tears just fell from my eyes and wouldn’t stop.

we reached my house and i just waiting until he left, that’s when i grabbed my own car and went to who i thought the only other person who knew, my best friend since we i was 3 and she was 5 celeste.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

i reached celeste’s house and as i walked up to the door i called her to let her know i was here.

“c-cel” you could tell by my voice that i had been crying.

“masyn? where are you?” she replied with a concerned tone.

“im outside can you let me in please”

with that i heard some shuffling through the phone and then the door unlocked and she opened it.

celeste’s pov:

i opened the door to the girl i had seen basically everyday since we were kids, she practically lived at my house. i knew the girl way too much to know that something was seriously wrong.

there she stood, on my porch, tears streaming down her face and this look like the life had been pulled out of her.

she immediately wrapped her arms around me and started sobbing. me and masyn were sisters at this point and we had maybe hugged twice in the years we’ve known each other.

i felt like i had been stabbed in the chest seeing her like this.

masyn’s pov:

i held my best friend so close i don’t even think she could breathe, i appreciated her so much for just knowing something was wrong and not turning me away.

celeste was there for everything, when my moms book blew up, when i found out she was using again, when my dad lost all our money and the night he left.

matt knew most things but the one person who would be there and listen everytime no matter what was celeste.

and i was there for her although she was a very quiet person, i would be worried at times thinking that she didn’t trust me but overtime i just learned she wasn’t a person that talked about their feelings.

and most of all i loved our friendship so much because even when we argue or just don’t talk for a bit because the world gets too hectic, we always come back together.

i loved celeste with everything in me, we never showed our affection but sometimes i just wish i could scream at her and tell her how grateful i am that she is here and how much i love her.

we walked up to her bedroom and i immediately sat on my specific spot on her bed, we just sat in silence and she gave me a minute to calm down.

“he was there cel” the words coming out of my mouth without me even registering it.

“who was there, and where?” she replied slightly grabbing my hand.

“matt, he was there the night my dad left”

i tilted my head to look at her and i watched as her face went blank.

“what do you mean he was there? did he tell anyone?” her words spat out faster than i could comprehend.

“he was outside waiting for me so we could hangout, i had no idea”

“he didn’t know the entire story but after i explained he told me and i just told him to bring me home”

we sat in silence for a bit before my thoughts cleared and then i remembered.

“oh and my dad is home”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

it had been two days since i spoke to matt, to be honest it was horrible i wanted to just text him and hangout.

that night i snuck in through my window to avoid any confrontation from my dad but with that i also never left my room.

i hadn’t eaten in two days.

i had managed to pull myself out of my bed and stared at the reflection in the mirror.

my hair was messy, i was wearing a shirt that was ten sizes too big and black shorts.

the thought of my parents barging in my room kept me up at night so there wasn’t much sleep either, and you could tell by the deep bags underneath my eyes.

i grabbed the hairbrush off my dress and attempted to brush my hair, ten minutes had gone by and a chunk of my hair was ripped out but it finally looked decent.

i immediately went to the shower and turned it on taking off the clothes that had been on my body for far too long.

i stepped in the shower feeling the warm water hit my skin, i couldn’t even think straight like what the actual hell was happening.

i hoped out and quickly washed my face, brushed my teeth and threw on a pair of grey sweats and a black tank.

here goes nothing.

i grabbed the door handle to my door and thought of everything that could go wrong in the next two seconds, i felt sick just thinking about it.

i twisted the knob and off i went, the smell of breakfast hit my nose and my stomach started grumbling immediately.

i walked down my stairs and went to the kitchen. there he was, my father sat at the dining table tapping away on his phone while sipping on a coffee.

he looked up at me and smiled from ear to ear.

it was so fucking fake.

“good of you to join us” he says while sipping his coffee.

my mother whips her head around and spots me and i almost fall to my knees. her skin was so pale and her eyes were puffed up like she had been crying.

she stared at me with a scared expression but quickly changed it to a weak smile.

“good morning hunny, where have you been?” she says as she focuses on flipping pancakes in the pan she’s holding.

“celestes” i say lying through my teeth. i didn’t want then knowing i was home this whole time.

“not excited to see your father” my dad says finally peeling his eyes away from his phone.

“no” i say blatantly as i grab a peice of bread throwing it in the toaster not daring to look him in the eye.

“that’s no way to speak to me” he says anger starting to build in his tone.

the words running down my spine making me freeze.

“sorry” i reply with my head down.

i glanced up at him and he stared at me, like right into my soul i couldn’t do it anymore so i ran up stairs completely forgetting about the toast i had just made.

i shut my door behind me and lean my back up against it, i slid down and pulled my knees to my chest and i noticed my heart was racing.

i couldn’t stay here, i whipped out my phone and clicked on the last contact i had texted. matt.

“are you free right now?”

“on the way.”

a/n: sorry if this parts a bit boring idk, anyways love yaz and see you at the next part😉

[may-nr1rooftoptriodefender]

What comes next

pairing: Levi Ackermann x f.reader/kinda oc

(it’s supposed to be reader but there are a few things important for the story… Nothing is mentioned in this chapter but for it to make sense in later chapters Im gonna say it. She has no first name bcs I suck at names but she has a last name. Her family and her background is already set. Hair color is black)

summary: When Yelena and her people arrive at Paradis, Levi finds himself in a tricky situation.

warnings: might contain Spoiler for Season 4!, set during 4 year time skip, ooc Levi?, kinda explicit (mentions of sex and vague descriptions) <- it’s not filthy hardcore but it’s there,…

(if i forgot anything I’m sorry, it’s 4am rn)

notes: Hi! I’m back y’all. First published Levi story, yay. Soo before we start, there are going to be more parts. This is just a little intro and the moments described happened in the past, next parts ain’t going to be flashbacks. English isn’t my first language so if you find any mistakes pls let me know🙏 tips are always appreciated.

Lastly, this is kinda smutty so I’ll put a MDNI here. You have been warned, if you still proceed to read, it’s on your own risk. I cannot stop you from reading anything but at least be aware of what you’re reading! (this is like the first smutty thing I published so bear with me..)

masterlist

part I

Seeing the outside world- the ocean, finding out about the enemy- Marley, the truth about the titans,.. it was hard to process. they needed new plans- new strategies to defeat Marley. Eren was their ultimate weapon. With him on their side they had to win. But how?

When Marley send out one of their ships to Paradis, it was like a gift. The second ship marked the arrival of their new accomplices. Yelena and her people were more than helpful. But Yelena wasn’t the only one. Onyankopon, Niccolo, and her.

Normally, he wouldn’t care. A soldier from Marley is nothing special. But she was so different at the same time. It was strange that all of them wanted to help Paradis. They betrayed their own country for them.

In order to come forward with their research, they accepted Yelena’s help. They started to build outside the walls. The titans were all gone, no need to worry now. Some were forced to help, some wanted to.

Niccolo wasn’t very impressed at first. He was complaining nonstop while cooking the seafood for the scouts. After Sasha took the first bite, he shut up quickly. He was quite flustered actually. She and Yelena were there too. She found it hilarious.

Laughing loudly with a quiet ‘I told you’ at the end.

Just like Yelena and Onyankopon, she never seemed to hate the Eldians of Paradis Island. He hated it. Thinking about her. She wouldn’t leave his thoughts. He tried, he really did- she was the enemy after all. But he couldn’t. He tried to see something he wouldn’t like. And maybe he didn’t like talkative people. Or people who invade personal space. But at the same time, she was a bit shy. She would give space if he needed it.

She was the only one who dared to come closer than the rest. Even if he was supposed to be enemy. This conflict was going on for years now.

Even if he didn’t really show it, he didn’t mind her tired eyes looking into his. Or how she sometimes followed him like a lost puppy. How she always greeted him when he entered the room. The way she says his name…

‘Good morning Levi.’

‘How are you Captain Levi?’

‘Do you need anything Levi?’

‘Levi.’

But is he really that special? It’s not like he’s the only one she’s friendly with. She greets everyone. She talks to everyone the same. She always smiles when someone said something funny.

But not everyone gets a knock on their door at every possible hour of the day.

‘Could we have some tea together Levi? I think I have a few more ideas regarding…’

‘Hanges the commander, You should go to her.’ , is what he should say. But he lets her in. Every time. Conversations are nice, if it’s with the right person. He isn’t talkative, so she does the most of talking. He normally would prefer it quiet, yet he doesn’t mind the conversation. She’s always calm, it’s never about difficult topics, she stays polite,…

He wants to hate it. They notice. Everyone sees that she spends more time with Levi. But that he actually likes his time with her goes unnoticed. And it’s not like she tries anything with him. Hange said to him once that she probably tries to befriend everyone. Showing that she isn’t the enemy.

‘And you know, it’s so hard to read you, she wants to make sure that you two are on the same side!’

Hange didn’t help his problem.

He genuinely thinks that those are her true intentions. There’s this other side though. What if she’s a spy for Marley. What if she’s trying to get more information. What if she wants us to trust her so she can betray us.

But she wouldn’t do that, would she?

No.

He still has to be careful. Actually, he fucked that up too. It’s too late for being careful.

He couldn’t resist when she looked at him with those eyes. These damn eyes. And her smile. How could someone look at him this way? No one ever did. He can’t believe it. But he wants to. He wants to be selfish for once.

One evening, she would come to his door again. With two teacups in her hand.

‘Would you mind if we talk?’

He could never say no to her. So she comes in. She sets the two teacups down and starts to prepare everything. Levi just sat down. He wanted to help her, but every time he tried she refused. He doesn’t like how other people do his tea. This was his room and she, a prisoner from Marley, tells him what to do?

He accepts it. When everything is ready, she sits down with him and they drink their tea. She starts talking, he replies sometimes. It’s nice.

Somehow, their usual routine changed. She did nothing wrong. One small slip up and it was over. He was listening, until she stopped talking. Looking him directly into the eyes. The smile from before slowly fading. Did he do something wrong? Well fuck.

And then the unexpected came. She complimented his eyes. He expected everything, but not that.

‘What.’

‘Your eyes. They’re beautiful. With the grey and the little blue sparks… You don’t see that often.’ Her smile was returning.

‘Why would you say that.’

‘Huh? Because it’s the truth?’

Not a lot people made him compliments. He has gotten love letters before, or weird request. But not compliments. They either found him to scary to say that to his face, or they simply didn’t find anything to compliment. Well maybe expect on the battlefield. On how he did a good job or something like that. But not about his appearance.

They loved to comment on his height rather than his other features.

And that was his moment of weakness. He didn’t know what to say. And he didn’t. He grabbed the base of her neck and brought her forward to his face. He kissed her. He didn’t know why he did it. He didn’t know why she kissed him back, bringing her hand up to his cheek. This was his sign to stop. He pulled back and stared at her. His eyes were wide because what the fuck just happened. Why did he do it. Shit she’s going to slap him now.

She looked at him. Not one word came out. Levi did the only rational thing.

‘Don’t take that personal.’

‘I won’t.’

‘Okay.’

…

‘Will you take it personal if I do it again?’

He should’ve said no, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t say anything, so he shook his head. A tiny smile formed onto her face and she pressed their faces against each other. He didn’t mind, even if he should.

She also didn’t take it personal when they left the kitchen. Or when she sat on the bed, when he followed soon. Or when he undressed her. She didn’t mind him seeing.

He didn’t take it personal when she whispered his name. It was so different compared to the other times. Only for him to hear. It felt good.

He didn’t take it personal how she let him do things he could only dream of.

How it could even get to this point. They shouldn’t have. The only thing he could focus on was the way she looked when he touched her. This beautiful face still looking at him this certain way.

No one could know. This intimate moment together. How she moaned his name. How he held her even closer every second. How good they looked together. How good they felt.

It was so against the rules. They were from two different worlds. Their countries were at war, yet they decide to forget all that for what? The world was cruel. He wanted more of that.

No one really knew what to say afterwards. Both in his bed. He felt filthy. Not because of what they had done, but because of what he had to do now.

‘You should clean up and then go to your room again. It’s getting pretty late.’

He couldn’t even look at her. But he saw the nod in the corner of his eye. She stood up and fuck- he might do it again. It wasn’t only the sex, her in his room, his bed, he wanted that. She looked so beautiful like this.

She started collecting her clothes and just as she was about to put them back on-

‘Clean up here. You can’t go back like this.’

Only a nod again. She looked guilty. A bit sad even. Before she could really disappear in his bathroom she turned around.

‘Levi-‘

‘That wasn’t personal either. No one can find out about this. We would get into trouble, you hear me?’

It was harsh, but he had to set boundaries. This went too far already no need to make it worse.

He could only dream of what was about to come.

———

I almost forgot- Happy Birthday Levi!!

requests are always open (I need ideas please🙏🙏)

Song recommendation - White Dress by Lana Del Rey

[little-nugget-writes-stufff]

Okay this is part 2 of

If only we could spend more time together,

Our beloved creator~

Its been quite a while since your return to your own world. Its been nice being back with your friends and family (and not being hunted down) but for a while you stopped playing genshin.

Everyone on the tevyat had gotten used to it by now, you abandonned them, and they deserved it. They killed you and your friend. Or at least so they thought. But slowly you started missing playing the game, so you thought why not start again? I mean what harm could it cause?

And the people were overjoyed! Your divine gaze was watching them again! Usually you'd speak to them but you kept quiet. But you ofcourse didn't forget what they did. So instead of your sweet voice speaking about all it could think about. It turned cold and most of the time silent. It scared the acolythes to hear you warn them to not bring your there again. now ofcourse you didn't mean that but you didn't wanna feel the pain of being stabbed once again. But slowly with time you started to talk again (only to those who did not cause harm) (and yes reader used to speak to the characters about whatever your brain could think of) wich caused a little bit of rivalry between the people. I mean why would you not speak to the people you always had held so close?

One day your friend storms into your room with a beautiful letter in their hand, saying your name was on it. Wait why did you have a letter- why not sent a text. As you open it and read the letter

Hello divine creator

I know you wont forget all what we did, but we all miss ur beautiful voice blessing our ears when hearing it. Better said we miss all of you. We are begging for you to return and give us another chance to make things better and to face whatever punishment you have in mind. I did this without the others knowing of my actions so please do not punish them for my little stunt

-nahida

You look at the paper in horror. How did they do that. But hold up nahida did this? She didn't do anything? But that was also a problem. Even the people that didn't try and hunt you down, they did nothing to stop them. They just left you to rot alone. "(Nickname) whats with that look? Let me see that"

You see their expression change from happy to a one full of shock. "Y/n what are you gonna do with this" yet you did not hear this. What are you gonna do, do they have the power to forcefully get you there, what if you do go what would happen- "Y/N!" You snap out of your thoughts and see your friend. "What am i gonna do (friends name)?!" "Wait if they could hear my voice then i might be able to-

"y/n if they all hear your voice when speaking it would be impossible to speak in private with the person that wrote it"

Oh shit they were right. If they all heard your voice then how would you speak with nahida about the letter. "What if i went back in secret? Wait no then they could think im an imposter again"

"what if we change your look?"

"sounds good i guess but-"

You cut yourself off when seeing a green light appear in front of you.

They had to. The people were going crazy because of them not being spoken to. Or atleast the ones that were not spoken to. Nahida only tried doing the best for them and reach out to you.

You start walking backwards from the light until hearing Nahida's soft voice.

"Hello divine one, im so sorry for bothering you and i know you dont want anything to do with tevyat and the people that hurt you but ever since you only speak to the ones that didn't harm you its broke out in utter chaos between the people. Im only asking for your help this time and then you can go back. I promise we wont bother you after that".

You were in shock. Chaos? Because of you? You started to feel guilty because of it.

"i will fix what i cause and then get back, do we have a deal?". Your friend looks at you in shock. "Are you really gonna risk it?" You turn to your friend "if i truly caused that then it would also be my duty to solve it wouldnt it?" Your friends nods.

"Okay are you ready?"

"yes"

AAAAND THATS IT FOR THIS PART :D