#im required to do one every 3 years at my job

[pepprs]

ok. giving myself 4 minutes to make this post and then i finish my homework. i just am so deeply miserable. i really think i made a mistake. i should not be in grad school. i only took a year between this and undergrad and i am still so burned out and mentally ill. im working full time. im only taking one class and this program is supposed to be so good and aligned with what i want and all of that. but i just cant stand having homework. i just cant stand it. i think i am not cut out for academia even though i work in academia. i think i will never get better as long as im still living at home but i have to get better before i can no longer be living at home but i cant get better until im not living at home and every day i still live at home saps away at my will to live quite literally. i should not have started doing grad school without regaining my will to live. without restoring my love for reading and writing that i used to have voraciously when i was younger and less deeply miserable. without recovering from the burnout. i think i made a mistake. i need a masters degree so bad so that i can be safe but i need to not have fucking homework when i already struggle to get through my days without school. i feel so stuck in my life and hopeless and helpless. i dont know what to do

[wambsgansshoelaces]

heyy love, i love your fics so muchhh!! if ur requests are open, i was wondering if you could write this fun lil oneshot i thought of<3

(didn't really think much of the details but i imagined something like the episode with the pierce family, or u could change to what feels nice to u)

reader is like super hot/crazy attractive and the siblings are instantly interested. kendall and roman, being their idiot selves, start competing for her attention and trying to get her to accept going out etc. turns out, at the end of the day, shiv gets the girl, as she was the one reader wanted all along (gagged them)

Girls Get Girls

Siobhan Roy x fem!Reader

not gonna lie anon I feel like I didn’t do this too well so I’m so so sorry :( I still hope you enjoy even though I don’t really deliver x

btw I literally love you anon keep requesting

im so gay

Word Count: 2.893k

Mergers, acquisitions, stock, trade, liquidation. You couldn’t give a shit about any of it.

You’re not in the financial field at all, much to your parents’ disappointment. It’d brought you out of favor with them, brought your siblings closer to each other.

You usually don’t come to these things, but tonight it talk of selling the entire company. Leaving it all behind, cashing in the lotto, and fucking off. Your family had convinced you to come- despite your clear dislike for everything finance and business, you still hold stock and stake in the company. You were also going to get a pretty penny from your inheritance, so it would be wise to judge your potential buyer alongside your family.

You’re getting ready in your childhood bedroom, pacing the carpet as you put the finishing touches on your outfit. Your father had made it very clear: your job was to root out intention, then act accordingly. Regardless of whether you thought the Roys were worthy of the company or not is irrelevant at this moment. You need to be intimidating.

Intimidating, but also hot. Just for yourself.

A soft knock sounds at your door. “It’s me,” your cousin calls from the hall.

“Come in,” you call back.

She waltzes in, her blouse billowing behind her as she deposits herself on your bed. “Dad’s going to have an aneurysm.”

Even though you already know the answer, you ask, “Why?” You lean against your desk, facing her.

She snorts, knowing you’re trying to push her buttons. “He wants the company, dipshit. I still think all if this is to get on our nerves.”

“A chimp would do better as CEO than any of you,” you say, scoffing. What had started out as what you thought was joking was turning into something else.

“So why won’t you do it, then?” she asks, bitterly. “I don’t see why it has to be either you or someone out of the family entirely.”

“I’m not doing it because I don’t want to. My siblings also just… have no interest. We’re all off to bigger, better things.”

The two of you stare at each other until your father’s yelling draws you both from your trance.

“Up and at ’em,” he’s saying, pretty much to himself, once you’re downstairs. You brush imaginary dust from your sleeves as you make the awkward walk to the helipad. You and your brother share an exasperated look. Despite the fact that you’d been wedged apart over the years, you and your siblings share a lot of the same views and opinions.

“All this peacocking is fucking insane,” he mutters to you once you’re stopped a safe distance away from the pad.

“Just wait until you see them,” you mutter back.

Even though you weren’t involved in the business side of the company, you’d still been involved. You’d gone to dinners, conferences, galas. You were a bit of an outside source, as you held no real position in the company, but you knew you were vital.

At almost every event where someone with your last name was required to attend, there was also a Roy. You’d only ever seen them, never spoken to them

You hear the helicopter before you see it. Sunglasses perched on your nose, you look up. As it descends, your hair and jacket are blown vigorously back, and your hand goes to your scalp. The generated wind is aggressive, slicing over your skin, your clothing. The sound is now deafening, and you notice your sister clamping her hands over her ears. Your father gives her a look, something along the lines of don’t look weak, and your sister rolls her eyes in response, mouthing fuck you.

You have to suppress your smile. The helicopter’s landed, and people are starting to pile out.

“Logan, old friend,” your dad bellows jovially. While the two families had never met, never been close, you know your father and Logan Roy were actually the best of friends. You don’t know how they met. Your father spoke of Logan from as far back as undergrad university.

Your father steps forward, meeting Logan halfway as he leads the rest of his family towards yours. They envelope each other in a hug, and your brother snorts. He’s the only one who’s ever interacted with the Roys.

“It’s like he has a multiple personality disorder,” he’d told you the other day, talking about the enigma that was the head of the other family. “One second he’s laughing, then the minute Dad’s out the room, the guy’s raging over his kids or the people not doing enough work or whatever the fuck else is wrong with that stupid fucking company.”

He turns from your father to your mother, murmuring a warm greeting, then to the row of you, your sister, and your brother.

“Oh, look at the three of you! All grown and radiant,” he says heartily. So far, he doesn’t seem like the demon your younger brother had described him to be. But you know well enough that looks can be deceiving. He opens his arms out to you first, since you’re the eldest of the three. You give him an awkward hug, his hand clapping over your back in a friendly manner. “If only any of my children had the sense to get with you,” he mutters conspiratorially, earning a chuckle from you. He pats your shoulder, before moving on to your brother.

Logan’s wife is next. “Marcia,” she murmurs softly to you, taking you by the shoulders and air-kissing both your cheeks. You return the gesture as she does it, making sure to stay smiling. It’s all a flurry of names you’re sure you’re going to forget the second you need them. Connor, Gerri, Willa, Frank, Rhea. It’s really all just a bunch of letters bouncing around in your head.

Who you’re sure you will remember, though, are the siblings. The younger three. The important ones, your dad liked to call them.

As all of the ‘adults’ convened to chat amongst themselves, like they did when you were children, you and your sister are having a quiet conversation about your work. She’s in the middle of asking you to come out to her office to help you with something when you feel a hand settle on your shoulder. You turn, coming eye to eye with Kendall Roy.

“Hi,” he says carefully, small smile playing on his lips. “I don’t think we’ve met?”

“No, we haven’t,” you say back. “Y/N.” You offer him your hand to shake, like your father expects you to do with everyone.

“Kendall.”

“Yeah, I know,” you say awkwardly. He manages a laugh, withdrawing his hand, his eyes flitting over your face.

“I’m sorry it’s taken me this long, then, to, uh, put your name to your face.”

You’re not really sure what he means, but you don’t think you care that much.

“Move over, Kendall, you’re boring the shit out of her.” His brother comes over, bumping him with his hip. You have to stifle a laugh. “Roman.” You shake hands, offering him a polite smile. “He’s right, though. You’re a bit of a mystery to everyone.”

“Am I?” you ask, laughter seeping into your voice.

“Not to me.” Her voice is firm, clear. “I’m Shiv. I was at the conference you gave the Ethics presentation to. I know your work. My brothers are just stupid.”

You laugh for real this time. “Nice to meet you, Shiv. I’m familiar with your work, too. I’m just not so deep into the political sphere like you are.”

“I can help with that, you know,” she says, expression surprisingly soft. “I’ve been looking for someone that shares my opinions and… moral compass to work with. You need your rock, you know?”

The conglomerate of people slowly transitions inside. Roman and Kendall get roped into other conversations, your sister disappearing off to who knows where. You mill about in the dimly lit sitting room, watching everyone interact. Shiv’s still by your side.

“No offense, but I hate these things,” she says quietly, coming closer to you so you can hear.

You laugh lightly. “None taken.” You glance over at her to find that her eyes are already glued to you. You feel your face heat, her gaze flickering down your body before coming back up to your face. She has a sly smile on, but it’s quickly melting into one of real, soft emotion. You open your mouth to offer her something you’ll probably regret later, but are interrupted by your father clapping his hands together and waving everyone into the dining room. Instead, you give her an exasperated smile and follow the crowd.

Your father eyes you and your siblings as you all slip into your strategically chosen seats, making it so you’d all be surrounded by Roys. Your brother makes a face at you from the other side of the table. You ignore him, instead looking up at Shiv, who hovers by the chair at your left hand.

Almost shyly, she asks, “May I?”

“Please.”

A giddy smile spreads across her face as she sits, and you can’t help but mirror her expression. You look down into your plate, catching your sister’s gaze on you. Kendall takes the seat on your other side, Logan sitting directly across from you, right by your dad.

Roman and your brother are laughing over something as you get served the appetizer, your sister staring off into space while Connor talks at her rather than to her. Your mother speaks quietly with Marcia, and of course, your father and Logan are the loudest at the table, laughing and gesturing around.

Your cousin is on Kendall’s other side, overly-focused on her food. The conversation suddenly involves the entire table, Logan leaving forward. “What is it you do again, Y/N?”

You shrug lightly. “I work in media and risk analysis. Dabble a bit in economics.”

“So like Shiv?”

“Not really,” you and her say at the same time. You gesture with your fork, letting her continue.

“Our work certainly overlaps, and I’m glad it does,” she says, “but I’m more… political, she’s more… corporate.”

“If you dabbled in economics,” your cousin manages through gritted teeth, “we wouldn’t be here.”

“Neither would we if you did,” you retort calmly.

She scoffs. “I still don’t see why all of this is happening,” she says back, barely loud enough for everyone to hear. You look to your father, praying he’ll deal with it himself before she goes on some tirade, scaring off the buyer, but he makes no move. He simply glances at you, his gaze loaded.

Do it yourself.

You wait for a few moments, letting the tension strain the room. Maybe she’ll back off.

She doesn’t.

“The company is leaving family hands because of you, Y/N. It’s going to crash and burn because you refuse to fucking see what’s sitting in front of you.”

Logan’s lips press together into a thin line, and you know you have to recover. “I don’t want the company. Neither of my siblings want it. Don’t you think it’s a little telling you’re the only one lusting after it so loudly?”

“I don’t see what that has to say about me.”

“You want it, and you’re not getting it,” you say firmly. “You’re incompetent. The Roy name is not.”

Dinner is only silent for so much longer. Your brother, at his breaking point, asks loudly, “Why are you even here? You blew the Pierce deal. Fuck off.” Your father hisses something into your brother’s ear. He scoffs in response. “I’m sick of it, Dad. The three of us bust our asses to get this to go well for you and she gets to waltz in, do whatever the fuck she wants whenever the fuck she wants.” He quickly pushes back his chair from the table and makes his way out of the dining room.

Clearly, this is deeper than one stupid comment made at the dinner table. You throw a questioning glance at your sister. She gives a minute shake of her head. She doesn’t know.

Dramatically, your cousin follows your brother out. Roman is trying not to laugh, and all of a sudden, your father and Logan aren’t in the mood they were before.

You turn to Shiv, exasperated. She’s also stuffing a laugh down, and it’s contagious. “Is my juvenile family drama amusing to you?” you murmur to her questioningly, the soft clink of silverware and terse chatter filling the room.

“Yeah,” she says, nearly choking on a laugh. “This is so fucking stupid. How do you deal with it?”

“I never stay home.” You down the rest of the water in your glass.

“Hey, uh, Y/N,” Kendall begins, leaning towards you as you turn to face him. “I just wanted to say, I get how it feels.” He gestures vaguely around. “So if you want to, um, get some air after, I’d love to join you.”

You thank him sincerely, giving him a soft smile. Dessert finally comes out. You’re almost there. You turn back to Shiv, but she’s conversing with whoever’s on her other side, to your disappointment. You eat your cheesecake in silence, Roman catching your eye and giving you a wink. You didn’t know people actually did that, but he pulled it off nicely, you think.

When your father finally gets up, ushering everyone into the sitting room for drinks and chatter, you heave a sigh of relief. You trail behind the crowd, hoping to be able to slip away on your own.

You succeed. You sigh up at the high vaulted ceiling, padding towards the grand staircase up to your room.

“Hey, where’re you going?” comes a soft voice. You turn, Shiv, hurrying after you.

“Escaping,” you say jokingly, pausing on the stairs, letting her catch up to you.

“Can I come?”

“Yeah. You can.”

The sight of her sitting cross-legged on your bed does something to you. It sucks all the air from your body. But maybe that was just the sight of her.

"Your brother okay?" she asks, looking up at you.

"He'll be fine. Everyone's just a bit tense."

"Just so you know, your cousin's temper tantrum doesn't change anything."

"I'd hope it didn't."

"What would change things though," she tells you, "is whether you want to come on once we buy the company."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. I was serious when I was talking about how I need someone in my corner."

"What do you mean?"

"It's me. The company gets handed to me."

"Congratulations, Shiv. But really, I want nothing to do with it."

"I'd be running things. You'd just be my right hand woman. The very attractive right hand woman that I see every day."

You laugh, unable to suppress the grin splitting your face.

“My cousin’ll murder me,” you manage to say.

“So? Let her try. Not like you’ll go down or anything.” She smiles up at you. “I think that’s hot. You’re hot.”

Silence stretches between the two of you, both of you grinning at each other.

“You’re really pretty,” you breathe, believing she followed you for a reason.

“I’m glad you think so.” Her hands come to cup your jaw in the few instances it takes you to cross the room, slide onto your bed, and kiss her. “God, you’re so… so fucking gorgeous.”

“Yeah?” you ask against her lips, peppering gentle kisses onto them. “Stay the night.”

“I told everyone I went home,” she says, giggling.

Your hand flits to her hip, rubbing soothingly. Your kisses are slow, tender. You’re both enjoying yourselves. It feels so real. It feels like something more.

You slide off of her, off the bed, eliciting a whine from her pretty mouth. “Just locking the door, baby.”

You wake up, head buried in her chest. She’d borrowed some pajamas of yours, the shirt a soft cotton. Her breathing is light and airy, and it’s music to your ears. Her fingers are threaded in the hair at your scalp, her arm thrown over your back.

You drift in and out of consciousness until she wakes up, pressing kisses along your forehead. Shiv sits up, letting you stay settled in her lap. You press a hot kiss to her bare thigh, shorts hiked up her legs.

“You know,” she says, after a short while of silence, “Ken and Roman were drooling over you all night.”

You snort. “Were they?”

“I know them. They were. And here I am,” she says, satisfied with herself.

You let out an airy laugh. “Here you are.”

“I was drooling, too,” she admits.

“Can we stop talking about saliva?”

She pinches your ass, to which you don’t dignify with a reaction, instead smiling into her thigh. “I wanna keep seeing you.”

“I have to fly out to Italy for some work. Maybe I want you to come with me.”

“God, I love women.” Her hand cards through your hair. “Mind if I take a picture? I want to send it to my brothers.”

“Perv,” you mutter, but nod anyway. You smile at the camera from her thigh, pressing a searing kiss to the place where her leg meets her hip the moment she hits the button.

It captures her beautiful face in an ecstatic smile, yours in soft affection as you look up at her, not the camera.

[hulahoopsoupgroup]

ive ranted about this to my friend like 3 times this week but ill rant again because im just so fed up and angry.

21st century american capitalism is so dismal. we put everything behind a paywall. you cant exist without paying money and you cant go anywhere or do anything without paying.

you have to pay to be born and you have to pay to survive. if you cant pay to survive, you have to pay to die. theres no escaping it.

most jobs in the usa require a college degree, but a lot of people cant afford to go to college. its honestly infuriating that people cant get the jobs they want because the education is so expensive. why do i have to pay tens of thousands of dollars to the government so i can get a job that will probably only barely keep me afloat in todays economy?

why do we pay writers and artists so little when they are one of the most vital parts of society. where would we be without the painters and authors who create beautiful scenes and impactful stories?

weve overcomplicated society so much that you have to jump through so many financial hoops to just, exist. you have to have insurance for everything. everything costs so much. why do i have to pay over 2 dollars for a bottle of water at work? why are the bags of candy 5 dollars?

all of this just makes everyone miserable, no doubt. i had a conversation with 5 other people and all of us have had severe depression/anxiety, had to be medicated, or needed a lot of therapy/not been able to afford it. and im not stigmatizing therapy in any way. if i could afford it, i would absolutely go, but my job doesnt pay much, so even one session would set me back so far regarding money.

the fact that its so normal for 11-13 year olds to start experiencing severe depression is so concerning. its almost like a rite of passage. ask anyone in gen z if they were depressed in middle school and theyll probably say "yeah." thats concerning.

young people's suicide rates have risen over 50% in the past 10 years. 42% of gen z considered suicide in 2021-22. the fact that i know 3 or 4 people (myself included) who have attempted suicide before age 16 or 17 is insane.

we're so depressed about the future and reasonably so. its so bleak. the world is burning, people are killing each other over such trivial things, nobody listens to each other, and the government is just going insane. how badly do you have to screw up to make a 13 year old want to kill themself because they feel like the future is so bleak?

how badly do you have to screw up to prevent so many people from going to college and getting jobs to support themselves?

how badly do you have to screw up to bar people from something as simple as going to the doctor and earning a basic living wage?

and to think that there are still people who think this is fine. there are some people who sit back and say this all makes sense, that it makes sense that you have to pay thousands of dollars for a few stitches in your hand if you have a cooking accident, that you have to insure every last bit of your life, that people killing each other over ideological differences is natural and cant be helped.

america needs to wake the fuck up and get shit done. its destroying its own future. its making the future generation kill itself because of how miserable it is. fucking do better and maybe you wouldnt burn to the ground in a dumpster fire

[stateswscarlet]

heyyyy! First of all I just wanted to say that you are so eloquent and informative in the way you speak about the law and I really appreciate your tough love approach. I’m reaching out because I feel utterly stuck. For the past two years (when I first discovered the law) I have been trying (and I use this word only for clarity purposes) to manifest my dream life and seemingly failed at every turn (no sp - in fact he feels farther away than ever, no financial freedom, anxiety and intrusive thoughts, etc) I feel like I am in a limbo world rn where I understand how the law works, what is required of me (changing self) but nothing seems to change. I feel scared that this is all in vain that at the end of the day I am wasting my time and energy. That I should just move on. But that feels like quitting and I HATE quitting. I just feel like I’m on the precipice of it all clicking but I don’t know how to get myself to that point.

I understand you get asks probably just like this one all the time. Thank you for all you do in this community. You’re truly the best 💋🩵🥹🤍

thank you so much for your kind words, im glad my approach has helped you! you say you seemingly fail at each turn... who is deciding that? the 3D? you looking AT the 3D and going "yup! this neutral situation means my manifestation didnt happen/isnt happening!" you say you know what is required of you and know you have to change self, but also said nothing seems to change which I assume you mean internally nothing has shifted (which is why your reality is the way it is). If you had truly changed self and remained true to that FOR YOURSELF and NOT to see it in the 3D, you wouldnt be sending this ask. How is it wasting your time and energy when: 1. manifestation is effortless, natural, and your very being 2. manifestation is instant the very second you assume you have something 3. you are doing this for YOUR OWN wellbeing and fulfillment 4. this is NOT a process, this is not a job you get rewarded for the more time and energy you put in you have to go to the root for why you feel so bound to the 3D. the only reason why you feel this way is because somewhere deep down you use the 3D for validation and when "nothing happens" you think youer doing something wrong or that all of this is in "vain" because you never actually grasped what fulfillment means to you. fulfillment isnt doing something in imagination and trying to feel good because you think it will reflect by doing so. it means choosing yourself despite everything else and not letting a mirror decide who YOU are. I cant tell you if you should move on or not, that isnt anyones decision but yours. read this thread for more info on moving on. i would suggest you reevaluate where your focus and intentions have been if you continue this journey because i guarantee youve been returning to the 3D more often than you think and basing your "movement" off a mirror when the mirror looks at YOU for validation. what is required FOR YOU to change self? ask yourself this question and be honest.

[lareinadelplata]

vin @opalsnake tagged me to answer 15 questions and then tag what's most likely to be like five or six but are supposed to also be 15. i love u

1. are you named after anyone?

nope my parents just wanted a name that had no religious meaning and preferably was nature themed short and not corny. they didnt know about that virgin and we dont care either im literally just named dew.

2. when was the last time you cried?

yesterday reading the first couple pages of Nicaragua, tan violentamente dulce mr cortázar i love you i miss you i wouldve done undisclosed drugs with you and kept you alive forever

3. do you have kids?

no and i dont want any

4. what sports do you play/have played?

i took volleyball as my PE elective in secondary school uuuuhh im not a very sporty person i never have been

5. do you use sarcasm often?

yes often but it's not my favourite resource

6. what is the first thing you notice about someone?

the words they use and their laugh and also how they feel about physical touch

7. eye colour?

dark brown but my right eye is a bit lighter which i think is a fun little bit of information it IS noticeable but you wouldnt notice if i didnt tell you

8. scary movies or happy endings?

i dont really like either :( but scary movies

9. any talents?

i'm GOOD at writing i am a good writer. and im a good singer, and im generally more or less quick with music (playing and listening, not dance which requires coordination which is something im terrible at), i'm also more or less quick at languages. and im pretty flexible too. and im a great cook tbh terrible baker tho

10. where were you born?

buenos aires (malos tiempos para hacerte una canción)

11. hobbies?

i like reading, writing, singing, watching movies, walking, every once in a while drawing, scrapbooking, at a time i did knitting and macrame, cooking, playing platform games :P

12. any pets?

three cats, one at my dad's house (murciégala who's a perpetual jumpy teenager) and two at my mum's (clarita who is basically a stuffed animal just wants to be held feeds on love and is by now a thousand years old, and berta who is hyperactive and SO smart and lately sooooo into getting pet)

13. height?

1,53cm

14. favourite school subject?

historyyyy history history history liked it so much i kept going. also literature, sociology, solidary action (?), and art.

15. dream job?

writing well paid opinion pieces wouldnt that be amazing. literary translator too omg literally the dream... Researcher in the field of History ofc 🧐 this changes every day though.

im gonna tag @caminadrummer @nickcutler @sufranstevens @dickotomia @cuatrotrece @laloslayamanca @eliasdrid

[jazzyblusnowflake]

Why not move? I’d never stay in a country that treats its women this way. And you working for the government indirectly supports that. Good luck.

Okay so

i've been mulling over this ever since it came to my inbox and i've been trying to find a way to answer this and NOT be impolite or improper because i am aware that not everyone knows the complications of straight up moving to a different country, as it is not as simple as just moving to a different STATE, like the US, [and to be fair i've heard that even THAT could be stressful] and as someone who has LIVED in 3 countries and has visited another 5+ countries, let me tell you that your question is extremely ignorant and insensitive and straight up hurtful to all the people who both DONT want to leave their communities here and also the people who DO want to leave but are too poor to do so.... because our country, due to the prohibition by good ol' murica has now the lowest money currency value on the PLANET, and we have been suffering in silence for DECADES- with NO way to transfer money into our country- [donation campaigns are usually a scam, pay attention to those please] so in short? we are poor as absolute FUCK-!

and the process of moving somewhere else is already hard enough for people who DONT have as much financial issues, let alone US.

what exactly would anyone propose we do? when we dont have the money to request for any sort of visa, nor to get a house in a different country, nor food, nor for studying, living, getting medical or MENTAL health help- etc etc etc???

and reports of smuggling people out of the country usually come back as human trafficking or the gov blew them up or killed them somehow? idk this has actually happened with a PLANE once-

the only way to leave this country is being filthy rich, fucking LUCKY, or just a very very VERY smart student which again more often than not requires both money AND luck to get accepted in any university... so again.... no money!!!

like im sorry for snapping but here i am being told "why don't you leave" as if i haven't tried to find a way all my life, as if its some sort of sick joke- i cant, i fucking CANT!- i have family members i care about and wouldn't want to leave- other countries treat us like garbage thanks to online media portraying us as monsters- i cant spend another 10 years to study shit all over again just to send a letter to foreign universities with barely enough luck because im NOT that smart at all!! and it reminds me of when i look at my dad and say i wish we lived somewhere else and he looks at me like "then leave" in the cruelest way imaginable because he KNOWS we cant fucking leave due to him being a diplomat-

every country has its own culture and history and communities that they value and want to protect and stand by, so people cant just LEAVE, and even if they do, more often than not, other places would never accept them or appreciate them the same way their own country would. Like did yall tell black people to leave america after the BLM movement when George Floyd got killed? this is our home and we need to stop saying "then leave" and start saying "we need to start fixing this shit"

we are so fucking tired. please stop saying "then leave" if you just "don't want to help"...

as for me working for the gov, my dad is already a diplomat and keeps me away from doing anything against the regime, and also i'm considered one of the LUCKY ones in my country, who has a job that ensures a constant pay since the first semester of UNIVERSITY. im one of the few that could actually have a meal at night without worrying about what i'm going to eat tomorrow, and at the same time i teach kids from the inside to not take shit from the gov. i consider myself VERY lucky.

we aren't playing a videogame to take shallow black and white SIDES- even the protesters have destroyed privet properties and peoples cars and etc etc, and some people straight up want the monarchy system back as if that very system wasn't the entire reason that half of our countries riches and history isn't in the BRITISH museum today instead of their homeland!! this shit started over the freedom to WEAR what we want not to HURT everyone in blind rage!!!

Please never say "just leave" to anyone else ever again, especially to someone who doesn't even know if they'll live another day stepping out of the door, let alone drive all the way to an airport or the country boarders or something.... if they even HAVE the money to go that far.

So thankyou for reading and being concerned in your own way but id rather stay here and die in a country that doesn't accept me as a WOMAN than to live a futureless life in a country that wouldn't even accept me as a PERSON.

[mayakern]

thank you for the advice on pins ! i am in the process of researching how to set up my shop and i have a couple more questions if you don't mind- at what stage did you feel it was time to open your shop, follower-wise? did it take a long time to become profitable ? i saw you go through a manufacturer for your prints, is it because making them is too expensive? i see you don't make stickers, is there a reason? is a laser cutting machine worth it when debuting ? or superfluous? what did you use to design your website (it's very pretty btw)? do you have advice on getting people interested in checking it out?

how does one deal with sales being down, mentally, and how to be patient in the beginning?

does managing orders require a lot of organization? is a label maker worth the time it saves? in general, do you recomment buying your own machines (printer, or button maker) or stick with manufacturers? also, do you have advice on reconcialiting it with anticapitalism because im feeling conflicted about outsourcing labor and adding products to this world... is setting up shopify very hard ? are taxes a hassle ? sorry if it's a lot, i have trouble wrapping my head around every step i'll have to do and want to avoid beginner mistakes if i can. if you have any other advice and traps to avoid i'd be very grateful

dude this is SO many questions.

the short answer is: everything is hard and takes work.

there is no “right” time to start a shop or start selling stuff. you just kind of do it and hope. i opened mine in college (around 2012 or 2013) because i had already made some merch for a local convention and i wanted to sell the leftovers. my store didn’t become viable as a full time job until around 2017—it was a means to subsidize the income i had from working as a freelance artist.

also i never went into debt for the store so there was never a moment when my store “became profitable.” unless you’re willing to go into debt for this (not something i’d recommend), it’s a slow slog to get to a point where you can afford to sell items with a higher price point at a high enough volume that it is viable as a full career. inventory costs money and the more profitable items cost more money. it takes a lot of time and work and momentum to make this your whole job.

buying your own equipment is only worth it if you plan to use that equipment for multiple years to get a good return on investment.

however a label printer is almost always worth it, but i wouldn’t buy one until you’re getting at least 20 orders a month.

low price point items like buttons and stickers can be good to start out (i used to sell both) but at a certain point, unless you’re selling a massive amount of them there is a limit to how profitable a $3 item can be.

managing a store takes an amount of work/organization that is proportional to the number of products you have/sell. i will say i was an absolute disaster at this when i handled everything myself, which is why the store only became viable as a full time job once devin joined me.

i use squarespace for my portfolio site and shopify for the store. they’re relatively hassle free.

if you’re making most of your income from store or freelance work, find a local CPA to help you do taxes. also keep a running spreadsheet for all your expenses and income. separate your expenses into groups based on the different types of deductions (i.e. office equipment, travel, etc.) and update that spreadsheet, at minimum, once a month. then taxes are easy.

as far as anticapitalist mindset goes… do your due diligence when it comes to sussing out the manufacturers/companies you work with and try to create thoughtfully.

anyway next time you ask for advice please just pick like 3 questions at a time. this was… a lot.

[shadeslayer]

Also doing job applications and screaming to the wind with the "gender required" shit. It's so hateful. RAHHH give us better options or don't require it at all. Sorry hope you get a job of your dreams.

I KNOWWW LITERALLY! its so fucking annoying as well bc up until this app every time there was a gender selector i was able to select "prefer not to answer" or an equivalent. but this one was like uhh yeah theres a toggle for it but dont like, Use it. are you a man or a woman. like. literally both and neither. its such a bitch bc all my transitional stuff like im out as a ~trans man generally and my name is masc so i go with male but now i also know that being slotted as Male in a professional setting makes my 2s ass super dysphoric 🙄 literally lose/lose situation. what reason is there to Need to know. esp in this case that its a weed dispo in a blue state like girl what are u fucking doinnggggg. incredibly basic Liberal Moment: reading their long ass non discrimination policy and being forced to sign it like 3 times over abt veteran status and disability status (also always pick choose not to answer bc FUCK you) and then theyre like ok now u know that we dont discriminate on gender or queerness... are u a male or female. Be honest. Die

TYSM tho darling i hope you do too!!! <3333 its a pain rn as well cuz i got smth back on a horse job but they dont want to hire til next year and i realized that applying mid december is like the time places least want to hire yknow ._. but fingers CROSSED. for BOTH of us!!!!!

[genericpuff]

i know this is very direct, but i am trying to write a character who is a tattoo artist, and i want to know what to do for him and what not to do.

also i would love to know if there are requirements for someone to be a tattoo artist, and how long does someone practice for, what is the practice like, and what is the workplace like.

i love your work btw and im loving ur first comic too so far (reaper)!

Ouu! It's definitely a broad subject that I can't feasibly answer every single potential question in one post but here are some basic pointers:

Tattoo artists typically earn their certification through apprenticeships. These are usually unpaid, with the agreement being that the apprentice will provide basic labor to the shop (in the form of answering phone calls, helping clients, running stencil machines, sterilizing equipment, cleaning, etc.) in exchange for education and the opportunity to gain hands-on experience from a seasoned professional. Many apprentices land these opportunities by getting tattooed, meeting local artists, working on their portfolio, and carving their own presence in the local art and body mod community. It's not your typical "hand in your resume and wait for the callback" type deal, many people seeking apprenticeships don't actually land one until after multiple rejections (and it's not uncommon for those rejections to come from the same shop or artist, I've seen people knock on the same door every day for months before finally getting accepted).

Some artists do require upfront payment from the apprentice to cover materials and education. It depends on the shop. I personally do not have experience with the paid ones, I did the first version where I worked for free in exchange for learning.

Tattoo apprenticeships can last anywhere from 1-3 years, some even longer than that depending on the pace of the mentor and apprentice.

Tattoo 'schools' and online learning courses do exist, but are looked down upon by members of the body modding community due to the nature of how they operate - learning how to tattoo in theory is easy, but actually doing it is a whole other challenge that is learned better through the hands-on experiences gained exclusively through apprenticeships (you can probably guess where my beliefs lean on this lol)

While more women than ever are joining the industry, tattooing is still a very male-dominated field. A lot of misogyny and sexism still exists as a result. Hazing is still normalized in a lot of shops but many are working to get that out of the industry due to how unnecessarily cruel it can be.

A typical day in the life of an apprentice will involve the following: setting up their mentor's station, preparing stencils for the appointment, shadowing their mentor's appointment to watch the process being done, reading up on tattoo history and techniques over the years, working on flash sheets, strengthening tracing skills (tattooing is a LOT of tracing because you're literally tattooing over a stencil while doing the job haha). Some artists get their apprentices to do shop-relevant chores like cleaning the floors and equipment, others get them to do completely unrelated tasks like getting them their lunch (I had to do this, blech.)

When apprentices do start tattooing (when their mentor feels they're ready - some apprentices start tattooing in the first 6 months, others take a year or longer) they'll typically do them for free on their friends who are willing, and once they start charging, it'll be lower rates, usually anywhere from $30-$50. Full-time artists (after their apprenticeship is long done) will charge between $100-$150 per hour. Some charge less, some charge more, but those are the standard averages.

There are two kinds of shops - those that charge booth rent, and those that take splits. The booth rent kind are pretty much like hair salons, where artists that work in their establishment have to pay a monthly 'rent' to work in their respective space within the shop. I work in a split shop which means the shop keeps 50% of everything I make per appointment, this is a lot but they pay for all my materials and supplies so all I have to worry about is booking my appointments and showing up to do 'em.

The two most commonly used machines in the industry are coils and rotaries. Coils are the "old school" machines, whereas rotaries are an all-purpose type of machine that are growing in popularity (but many still prefer coils due to their power and legacy in the industry.) No matter which one an artist uses, don't call them "tattoo guns". They're machines.

Regulations in the industry vary by state/province/country. While some locations are subject to routine health inspections and following specific standards, other locations do not. Regardless of regulations, artists are typically expected to have certification in bloodborne pathogens - as this is a job that works around blood, having up-to-date training on bloodborne illnesses and infections is a must.

Phew, that ended up being a LOT more than I planned from the beginning but I got all riled up talking about it and had to get it out of my system LMAO Hope that helps! There's plenty more I could talk about but I hope this gives you a decent springboard to do further research :)

(and ty btw, it's very sweet to see people find my main projects through my stuff here, I'm glad you're enjoying it <3)

[frogiwi]

HELLO AGAIN TOP 5 ANIME OPS AND EDS FROM YOU AS WELL PLEASE

HELLO CRAB thanks to scrolling through my OST playlist and messaging what i'd include as i went, this shouldn't require as much thought now LOL

extremely long so proceed under the readmore!

OPs:

re:re: by asian kung-fu generation - erased

i mean. this op ruined my life. erased was such a beautiful show that took me on a journey i wasn't expecting and it's my favorite time travel related story ever. i was so moved by it and i was devastated when the op changed because of [spoilers]. the show has a crazy ending but it was thrilling and parts of it were the most anxious i can recall an anime ever making me. what a gift honestly this op makes me tear up whenever i hear it

2. bloody stream by coda - jojo part 2 ed

OK so i was torn between this, sono chi no kioku, and fighting gold, but ultimately this won bc part 2 is my favorite of the three and i love and miss the cgi openings so much so fighting gold's visuals got disqualified. i fucking LOVE this op i linked the version with the extra sound effects but the visuals are all just so fun and i love joseph and caesar so much and coda is brilliant and this song is just a fucking party and FUCK YEAH

3. cry baby by offical hige dandism - tokyo revengers op 1

oh my god i almost forgot to put this one in. i had bnha op 2 peace sign in this list at first and then i was like I FORGOR. anyways cry baby is an incredible fucking op that was part of why i got hooked to tokyo revengers. i have a lot of complicated feelings about this series but overall it still means a lot to me and has been the most involved i've been in a fandom, and it is definitely special to me even after everything. i think this song has a wonderful energy to it that gives me such a strong impression of takemichi and toman and the whole theme of fighting on for a brighter future and the visuals are simple but extremely effective and beautiful. they do a great job at portraying takemichi's struggles. i love u crybaby hero. i love this song dearly

4. hikari are by burnout syndromes - haikyuu op 5 (shiratorizawa arc)

this one is here for a lot of reasons. this arc is one of my favorite parts of haikyuu because of what it means for karasuno to win and go to nationals, but also for my fav character tsukki to finally have his Moment where he gets hooked on volleyball by being able to block ushijima,,, AND the shot of ushijima pushing hinata and tsukki down when the karasuno senpais daichi, asahi, and tanaka come to their rescue and support them to push ushijima back.... there's just so much significance to this season AND in terms of this op itself, the song is so beautiful and the visual where hinata jumps and turns into the crow diving makes me tear up every time (and did again when i rewatched it for this kgjsdg) and i just. i really love it a lot

5. jikai yokoku by tatsuya kitani - sentai daishikkaku

i too am going to include this bc omfg what a fucking banger of a song and the visuals are incredible. both the lyrics and the visuals convey the repeating cycle fighter d is in and his struggle to break free and fight back and i LOVE the parts of the song sung in children's voices because it ties even more into the sentai theme and the words themselves are JUST. ITS SO GOOD WATCH SENTAI DAISHIKKAKU IM SO GLAD I SUCCUMBED TO CRAB'S PROPAGANDA

EDs:

first death by tk from ling tosite sigure - chainsaw man ed 8

this ending ruined my fucking life. ok so i read chainsaw man over a year before the anime aired and like it was good but it was confusing and so i didn't think about it much after that. BUT THE ANIME DID SUCH AN INCREDIBLE JOB i suddenly cared about it so much. the effort that was put into creating a different ed for each episode is remarkable and they're literally all incredible songs with incredible animation and i truly would put all of them on this list. but first death wins because episode 8 ruined me and then this ed singlehandedly made me fall in love with himeno and akihime. i suddenly saw the beauty and tragedy in their relationship and codependency and i was enamored by how the last few episodes of the anime felt like a love letter to himeno. she deserves it. ed 9 (deep down by aimer) is also beloved but this one makes me crazy. seeing aki and himeno at the gravesite where they met, and sharing a smoke, and fighting together perfectly coordinated, and aki at the gravesite alone after her death.... it's so cinematic and a story on it's own and it's just so lovely. i think the song is also very csm and the energy of it is unmatched

2. el canto del colibri by mabanua - megalobox op 2

i was pretty torn as to whether to put the first op, kakatte koi yo by NakamuraEmi, or this one, but i ultimately went with this one because it is a true reflection of the core of this series and i think it being in spanish is a great bridge to the characters of season 2 (it is amazing to watch something where brown characters aren't of an ambiguous minority race; the culture is deeply intrinsic to the themes of this season and it's so special). i don't want to get too in detail and spoil anything but i went into megalobox expecting a regular sports anime and got out of it so much more than that, and it truly touched me. i listen to the entire ost by mabanua often, and it comforts me a lot.

3. datte atashi no hero by LiSA - bnha ed 3

ok this one is just the best bnha ending ever and the official bakudeku anthem of all time, and the fantasy au being animated will NEVER be forgotten. this song is such a joy to listen to and it being about deku's feelings toward bakugou is truly amazing. i love all the details in the visuals and i would love to see more eds like this honestly where the characters are just put into a little AU. it's just really good!!!

4. hunting for your dream by galneryus - hxh ed 2 (yorknew arc)

ok i had to find a version of this with the lead in during the last few moments of the episode bc that was always badass. anyways yorknew arc changed me and i became a deranged beast about chrollo and chrollopika for months. hands down my favorite part of hxh, and i just love the energy of this ed. there is nothing really special about the visuals but i still rly love when it goes through all the phantom troupe members and mostly i am just fond of the memories of this time

5. future fish by style five - free ed 2

dammit ok i put the first ed splash free here at first but i rewatched them both and changed my mind. i watched free rly late compared to like everyone else (2019 i think???) but oh my god i would put every ed on here LOL especially this one and splash free. i love the outfits and "story" of splash free but this one is even MORE fun with all the different profession outfits and the guys just being sillygoofy and oh my god its so cute i miss them so much I NEED TO REWATCH FREE RIGHT NOW

(i have to give honorary number 6 to hyori ittai by yuzu (hxh ed 5) because even tho chimera ant arc was difficult to get through at times, i love this song a lot and the visuals of the gungi pieces especially with gon and killua fuck me up. the ending of this arc with meruem and komugi destroyed me and i cried like a fucking baby)

[isatumbles]

Hi okya Im doing it :3

Topic of the day: Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes

Ive heard of this game ever since it got popular around 2015 - 2017, and it has always intrigued me as a kid! A fun (and stressful) co-op game about defusing a bomb that has several puzzle-like modules on it with no idea how to complete them without the help of an expert? My grabious goodness that was like music to my ears for young me! But unfortunately, I did lose interest as I forgot about the game.. until a certain Roblox game (Looking at you, Defusal) brought me back to this game

Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes, or in its abbreviated name, KTaNE, is just as I said above, a bomb defusal game where one must defuse a bomb with instructions from an expert that can only see their manual! The game comes in a really nice painted aesthetic while keeping the tenseness of having to defuse a ticking bomb! Ill be discussing the general game and mods as well bc why nont

So the game has you go through several sections containing missions that gradually get harder as you progress. Each mission gives you a bomb with differing amounts of modules that can range from slightly easy to quite difficult (Depends on how well you can relay information, for me I am pretty good with all the modules, even morse!). The game sets the atmosphere really nicely with music that swells in intensity as the timer ticks down and the beeping of the timer that goes down, reminding the defuser of their job!

The modules this game presents are all super unique and fun to wrap ones head around, and one may even notice improvement with certain modules after doing them many times! Some modules that come to mind are:

The Button: A large button that can come in different colors and have different labels. The defuser has to either press the button or hold it and release it at a certain time. If the button is held, a light will appear on the right to tell when to release the button depending on the numbers on the timer! (I have a pet peeve watching people play this game and them giving the color of the button instead of the light next to it weeps)

Complicated Wires: Several wires that may come in striped or solid colored, as well as LEDs and Stars indicating if the wire should be cut or not. The expert has to read the given Venn diagram to see if the wire should be cut or not, resulting in heavy mind chugging and additional info such as if there is a port or a certain number of batteries!

The Knob: A needy module (Think a module that reactivates at random times that forces you to focus on it before handling other modules again) that shows several lights and a knob that you have to set in a certain direction before its own timer runs out! This one is a pretty annoying one considering the knob can reorient itself to throw off the defuser!

There are several more modules, but the game only has about 14 modules! So for more customization, the creators made it so the game is moddable, allowing people to make their own modules! Lets just say, as of the time I upload this, there is about 2,000+ modules made by the community. No, I am not kidding. These people have dedicated many years to creating and uploading modules for others to defuse and enjoy, and it is still heavily active with new modules almost every week or two! Some cool ones Ive seen are:

Forget Me Not: A boss module (A type of regular module that makes the defuser and expert record information every time a module is complete, and then having that information be used at the very end when all other modules are done) that displays a single digit for every solve before making you input a code with said digits. This module has plenty of variants and is commonly used in challenges.

Triangles: A group of similar-looking modules that require you to click on the triangles depending on what type it is such as Slipping Triangles, Dripping Triangles, Tipping Triangles, etc. Each have their own unique set of rules that range in difficulty. There are other modules that have similar-looking modules themselves such as the Squares, the Switches, the Flashes, and plenty more, but I prefer the triangles bc theyre my favorite lmofa

Simon Spins: A Simon Says module that has spinning arms with different colors, shapes, and movements. This is my all-time favorite Simon Says module as it is pretty fun to deal with! The large list it has in its manual as well as the unique combos makes it a new experience each time, even more so with seeds!

SO YEA I LOOOVE love KTaNE so much, and Im super glad the community is not only thriving but super friendly too! People are always available to play in the discord server, and some even allow themselves to teach other players how to do difficult modules that may stump new players! Its honestly such a blast and Im sure its a fixation thatll stick with me for a while!

Ill end this off with a large doc that I made for the sake of documenting on KTaNEs history and fanbase! Id be super elated to receive feedback on it and such, go take a look here!

[carrickbender]

Friday 5

- Just had a zoom with one of my project co-workers and the industry leader with whom we are working; And you know that vibe someone puts off when they are in over their head? And the "pretty sure you've got 18 months or less before you are fired" scent? Yeah, he wore it like a stinky cologne.

-In other business related news, I still have a job, but who knows when we are restarting. But the parts to fix some of the major problems have arrived. Our major suppliers have been on-site, and plans are being floated. I mean, I'm not really wanting to go back yet but my patience got me like...

- Did yall hear that somebody dumped 3-400 pounds of pasta in the woods in New Jersey and didn't have the courtesy to leave any marinara or garlic bread?

The nerve of some people!!!!!! Not that I could eat much of it. Or much of anything, for that matter...

- I think buggy and I are going to go to free swim at the Y this weekend. I bought a swim suit, he has a swimsuit, so it should be kinda fun. We got the plane tickets for my brother's wedding(another story for another time: let's just say I'm traveling with an very anxious traveler and a 4 year old, so while I love them dearly and will do my best to "keep them within the navagational beacons"...

I may require a beverage after the fact. Or 3.

- At any rate, I think H's son and his lovely family are coming over tonight for enchiladas, so I'm headed out to find an avocado. These kids are just wonderful people, and it makes me happy to know I can count them in my family. I may not have a lot, but...

Every time I get to watch this little monster run around with his nephew, I smile and realize im surrounded by abundance, which includes yall too!!! Much love!!!

[yoonyia]

you know yesterday I realized that I wasent actually using my brain and ironically said "I've been going on auto pilot for over a year" and then today I decided I wouldent do that and oh my lord do I feel my brain actually working, like I just decided to do better and it fucking worked, either that or my brain is really capable of going on auto pilot for that long, like it's not disassociation its genuinely like a switch of 'yea so all controls are off except the basic requirements everyone snooze now' and the fact that if that was true means the reason I kept feeling like something was missing and my brain had a barrier inside it that blocked off parts of my head was because it did, that was real and I did it on purpose. Someone who has more psychology knowledge please if you have time come and explain this shit.

I'm sorry and I'm not tired, what's going on.

I'm genuinely confused, I never really struggled a lot with math but today I legitimately sat down and did 3 extra pages without noticing and got all of them correct, like I usually have an 90~95% accuracy so every 20 questions I would get one maybe 2 wrong. I did like 120 questions and all of them were right. This is genuinely ubsurd. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH STUFF I THOUGHT ABOUT TODAY WITHOUT GETTING OVERWHELMED??? LIKE I SAW SO MUCH MORE STUFF ON MY WAY TO AND FROM SCHOOL LIKE I OPENED A THIRD EYE OR SOMETHING. OH YEA THAT FISH IN THE CORNERS OF YOUR VISION YOU SAW ON PASSING? YOURE JUDGING THE WATER QUALITY AND SURVIVABILITY OF THAT FISH NOW FOR SOME REASON AND ITS NOT THROWING OFF YOUR NORMAL TRAIN OF THOUGHT. OH YEA AND REMEMBER HOW YOUR MEMORY WAS BAD, NOT ANYMORE SOMEHOW, YOU REMEMBER THE DETAILS OF THAT ONE DREAM YOU HAD WHEN YOU WERE 3, YOU REMEMBER WHERE YOU HAD IT, WHO YOU WERE WITH WHEN YOU WOKE UP AND THE EXACT SENSATION OF WHAT THE DREAM WAS LIKE. And if this was weird to me or uncomfortable I would be like "guess my brains chemicals finally decided to do its job for the first time" and move on BUT NO I LIVED LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME AT ONE POINT AND IM VERY SURE OF IT.

I also found out today I was at the top percent in some standardized testing, I know those tests suck but I did not know that, I was never the top bracket of anything so the fact I was in like the top what, 4%? in everything????? IN ALL THE TESTS???? WHAT AM I, A HUMAN BEING WITH A GOOD BRAIN???? I DIDNT EVEN TRY IN THOSE TESTS I FINISHED 20 MINUTES EARLY AND DREW ON MY NOTE SHEET AND FELL ASLEEP. I'm gonna shut up now because this all sounds like I'm bragging but someone please tell me if this is a psychological thing that happens or if I'm gonna get to name a phenomenon

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

ugh just remembered when I was in that useless fucking social services job hunting workshop.... and the presenter, when she called me for my resume consult basically told me I was liar when I had the usual complaint that "oh just about EVERY entry level job where I am is DEMANDING that I have anywhere between 2 to 5 years experience already before applying"... and instead of confirming that is the problem with the job market today, she instead condescended to me saying "oh no honey that's bc they're HIGH LEVEL admin jobs demanding that and NOT ENTRY LEVEL. learn to read."

actually, no, sandra (not her real name). they're NOT high-level jobs. they're run of the mill front desk reception or call centre jobs, which are also basic data entry jobs.... that only 20 years ago (probably) would've been a walk-in off the street and be employed tomorrow thing, or NO experience needed, we'll train you!" type shit if you applied online.

now these positions are DEMANDING 2 to 5 years experience AND sometimes a combined traineeship for 1-2 years in business admin, pr that you ALREADY have the tafe cert III in business admin, bc they don't want you wasting time studying or waste their time training you. that's why I keep applying for traineeships bc half of these positions already come with one, or "the chance to take on a traineeship" which means, "we'll make you do it anyway and not reduce your workload to accommodate study time". if the job is advertised as a full-time position without the traineeship attached in the title (like a junior admin officer job or something that i've applied for at a local lawyer before).

just. I hated how dismissive this woman was all around. I know I should probs complain tk social services about her, but idk if anything would actually happen. and plus she'd be all like "oh everyone else in that class loved me, why don't you? just keep vibrating at 70htz in loathing and resentment and GET NO OPPORTUNITIES EVER bc of that. why did my teaching not get the IMPORTANCE of vibrating at 500htz ie. LOVE AND PEACE AND ACCEPTANCE is the ONLY thing that'll give you abundance and opportunities, through to you????"

uh maybe bc I see job hunting as a practical thing and not all the batshit reiki shit that I like in asmr for entertainment.... and the vision board mumbo jumbo of self-help internet is great coming from youtubers like Anna akana.... but NOT in a jobhunting working shop.... where you're guilting people about this mumbo jumbo is exactly why they'll never employed ever again. and esp since my old workplace tried to fire me for "ruining the positive family vibe of this workplave bc you rolled your eyes at me twice and are sarcastic from time to time 😥" during my performance meeting in November 2022. so obvs, I'll refuse to take that side of it seriously.

anyway my point was originally that im pissed of that this woman insisted that entry level jobs that are advertising 2 to 5 years experience aren't "entry level jobs, they're high level." when she was posed as an "employment expert" for this course.

no. they're NOT high-level jobs the bulk of the time. they're fucking run of the mill data entry which really only requires minimum skills in microsoft office and admin etc and a professional phone manner etc.... but instead they're asking for 2-5 years experience and intermediate to advanced microsoft office skills (or google suite etc) bc they want the applicant to do 25 jobs in place of 7 different people. which is shit I should be able to do with an arts degree. you're the one who really knows nothing.

but instead they want to drag me through another whole ass certificate 3 course and ANOTHER traineeship bc apparently an arts degree and a years worth of actual solid office experience isn't enough to man phones, do data entry, do front office reception and whatever dumbass shit "done with minimal supervision superhero" tasks they write in the job description on seek et al

[juni-ravenhall]

a story or small book or a poem about stuff i thought about

i didnt have any responsible adults in my entire life. i dont have any still now, when im a disabled adult living in poverty. i think a lot about how nice it would be to find some lonely old middle class people who take a liking to me and adopt me as their kid or grandkid since theirs doesnt talk to them much. how much it would help me to have support from anyone.

i was the most bullied kid in my entire elementary school. i never thought of it that way until recently when i randomly said it out loud during a convo on some related topic. after elementary school i was still bullied and isolated and judged, but not always the no.1 victim. i have a lot of damage from how bullied and alone ive always been, including how isolated i am now. i had friends sometimes, but i lost them.

i live in poverty and cant afford a dishwasher or a good bed. my back hurts a lot on top of my other illnesses. i have to wash a lot of dishes and cook a lot of food alone. the bed is uncomfortable. it hurts my back. when my back hurts, it makes it harder to focus, or rest. it makes everything harder than it already is. i cant really think at all on the days when the pain is worst. i stretch. i try. but im also stuck without money inside a small apartment in a bad neighbourhood, and its hard to feel the motivation to do anything.

the wellfare system and the healthcare system doesn't care to help me get healthy. i'm supposed to simply "find a job", even though my resumé is empty with an unexplainable gap of a decade. i dropped out of uni maybe 3 or 5 times. i dont have a degree. i barely made it through highschool. i didnt know that it was mental illness and symptoms of the abuse. i didnt understand that until i was over 20. i still didnt understand that when i tried to do uni, over and over. i kept trying because i am a hopeful person. i tried to learn alone and create alone, too, because i had hope. but hope doesn't get you anywhere if you don't have any support. i know that now.

i think about that im smarter and more knowledgeable and more effective than most people ive ever met who earn 30k sek a month. like the people who yell at me from the wellfare office for asking questions. or the doctors who conclude that i require no treatment despite my obvious disability. or the people making videogames who dont understand anything about game design. i do understand it and i could teach them so much in one hour, if they talked to me. i could make someone a master artist if i taught them for a few weeks. i am fluent in english on top of my native language and understand linguistics and etymology really well. i can read and write in 4 different alphabets at least. one time i composed an original piece of music for my sibling's school project in the span of a few hours of a night, and they told me everyone in their group was amazed that i made something unique for them, from scratch, that quickly.

i don't think that i'm less capable or less skilled or less intelligent or less rational or less efficient, than middle class people. i don't have any proof that this would be the case. the thing i do have proof of is that i have a lot of struggles that come from being a childhood and adulthood abuse victim and bully victim with no support network, with no help, with no money to ask for help. maybe i wouldn't be this damaged today if i had had 15k sek a month for a few years.

i wouldnt even know how to spend 30k sek a month. well, that's not true. i would save it for the future, to stay safe, while also donating to people in my communities, like my tumblr dashboard. that person that often struggles with rent and meds. that person that does emergency commissions. that person with a sick cat. those people, i would give 1000kr each of my 30.000kr salary. if i gave 1000kr to three different poor people every month, i would still have 27.000kr. if my rent and bills were around 10000kr (in a nicer place than now), and i eat food and use hygiene products for around 3000kr, and i buy meds and clothes and bus tickets and small things for around 2000kr, i would still have 12.000kr left. thats pretty much just completely insane. if i saved 12k sek every month, i would have saved more than 100.000kr in one year from my salary, and still given away 1000kr every month to three poor people, and still been able to live happily with food, medicine, bus tickets and cinema visits, and warm clothes in my size.

i could save 12k sek a month, or i could use 2000kr more, to give 1000kr more to two more poor people. for a total of 5 different struggling humans who i could give 1000kr each month. and still save 10.000kr for my future safety. every month. more than 100.000kr savings a year.

the people who earn 30k sek a month in sweden are earning relatively small salaries. there are many who earn 35k, or even 40k, or even more than that. they don't usually give 1000kr a month to 5 different poor people. they also don't usually get therapy, which they can afford, although some do. if i had 10.000kr left just for savings every month, i would get horse therapy, every week. but i might not even have to use the 10k for that. i might be able to cover that partially with the 2000kr i calculated for other spendings. i would be really happy if i could get horse therapy every week.

if you are middle class, you don't live in the same world we do, i don't think. i don't really understand how it works anymore. if you could give 1000kr to 3 or 5 starving people every month, and still save 10.000kr every month, and still live freely and happily and healthily yourself every month. why would you not do that? i think that's why they say "poor people stay poor because we give money away". when we have it, we share it, because we understand how valuable even the smallest sums are. but it's still hard for me to understand how people earning 30k+ sek every month are the majority of this country and how the majority of people are not doing anything similar with their money as what i would do.

my skills, logic or knowledge don't earn me anything. because if you don't have a network, if you don't have support, if you don't have anything, you can't get anything, either.

my only way out is to keep having hope even though i've learnt that hope doesn't actually help me at all, beyond keeping me from killing myself, sometimes. mostly it's the fact that yasmin would be alone that keeps me from it though. because she also has no support, she also doesn't have anything. at least we are together, in the cold without proper winter clothes. at least we are together, when the drug addicts are banging on our window at 4am. at least we are together, wondering how to ever find any means of employment, in a system that's built against us. how to find support in a society where middle class people will tell you that you aren't trying hard enough, while they don't know even how much 100kr is.

112kr is bus tickets back and forth to downtown for two people. that means we can go windowshopping together, or to the library, but we can't buy anything. 200kr means we can go downtown *and* buy a small trinket or a snack. 500kr, means we can go downtown and buy a piece of second hand clothing, or go to the cinema together, or eat a restaurant meal together, one of those things.

1000kr to a poor person every month can help them buy their meds. pay their rent. or to go to the cinema to cheer up, because sitting in a cold small apartment in a bad neighbourhood can make you feel really bad. it doesn't make it easier to work, or easier to study, or easier to get healthier and move up in society. it's really hard to make a "class journey upwards". middle class people seem to not realise that they've been fed propaganda about poor people. i can understand that the upper classes don't know and don't care, because they are horrible unempathetic people all throughout. if you have that much money and don't help the ones less fortunate, or fight the system for us and with us, there is no redemption.

but middle class people, for some reason, it feels as if you should know. as if you should understand how much 100kr is, or how much 1000kr is, or how much 10.000kr is. because you are only one car accident or one severe health problem away from starting to trickle down in class. well, that wouldn't be enough if you have a support network, or if you have a lot of savings, or if you have a loaded family. but over time, with long-term disability, you might lose your middle class. or maybe your sibling does, or your best friend.

it feels as if it shouldn't be that far away from you, that you can't imagine, that you can't understand that some of us right here around you, in your communities, would have our lives changed by having even half of your money every month. the fact that you don't even have to donate a few 100s "instead of" saving it, or "instead of" spending it on games, or on netflix, or on restaurants. you can spend 1000kr on 5 different poor people each month and still have 10.000kr left over just for savings, or for as many gacha tickets as you want, or for trips to spain, if you prefer.

middle class and upper class people's ability to be patrons to those stuck in lower classes without losing any of their own priviledges is just very interesting. i've seen middle class people tell lower class people that their commissions are too expensive. but if you earn 30k sek a month, paying 1000kr for one single commission is actually more or less nothing to you, on average. the same goes for buying products not made in sweatshops. if you have 10.000sek left to save every month, i think you can afford to not support fast fashion, or fast food. poor people are being exploited, ruined and killed to create those products. not for any fault of their own, but because they were born unfortunate. and poor people on your dashboard are unable to pick up their medicines or pay their rents or buy food and warm clothes, not for any fault of their own, but because they were born unfortunate.

we were born without support networks, without responsible and healthy adults around us. we were bullied and isolated in school. we didn't have the opportunity to make "class journeys upward", because we didn't get healthcare or wellfare or other support to help us get through school, or to help pay for it. we didn't have any energy or ability to "network" and lick boots and kiss ass to get special treatment from richer people, even if we wanted to. the bullying and the abuse gave us PTSD, social phobias. reclusiveness. somehow they really don't understand how hard it is to create a network out of nothing, if you have damage from abuse and bullying. how it's not actually your fault that you don't have support. how it's not your fault you didn't just "get better", when the systems are built against you.

i've been a "free psychologist" to many people online for many years. people tell me "nobody understood me that well before", or "wow, that really changed my life". but i'm actually very tired of being a good therapist for no rewards other than seeing people feel better. no payment. and every time i play a videogame, i imagine i could have a sit-down with the developers and outline to them every single thing they could do to improve the game and sell more copies and have happier players. it comes very easy to me. but there is no way to just become a paid psychologist or a videogame fixer out of an empty resumé. i am not able to try to get a uni degree again, because then i would have no money at all for food and rent. so i am here with my empty resumé, without any support, without warm winter clothes in my size. without 1000kr to give to 3 or 5 poor people every month, and 10.000 for savings, for a safe future.

i really don't know what to do anymore, and i don't know how i will ever be able to take a middle class person seriously ever again, either. not if they earn more than 25k sek a month. below that, maybe they still know what 100kr is worth. i'm not sure. but the majority of sweden's working population earns a lot more than that, and has a university degree, because they weren't fucked up so bad that they couldn't finish school. nowadays, i side-eye everyone i see outside, and wonder if they know how much 100kr is worth. i don't think the drug dealers and users in this neighbourhood know how much 100kr is worth. i wish i could have gone into drug dealing, or into drug using. even just drinking. that's what everyone else does in this social class, for a reason. i just had hope that things could be different some day. that if i was responsible and kept trying, things could get better. it doesn't. i don't know if it matters if i spent my wellfare allowance on food or on drugs, or videogames. i don't know if my life will ever get any better regardless. but i spend it on food and medicine and hygiene products, because i have always been responsible, even though it has gotten me nowhere.

another job i could do would be to give middle class and rich people advice on how to spend their money. i would help them both save and invest properly with my knowledge and logic, as well as spending on a healthy mature life for themselves, and investing in their own happiness as well as their family and community's happiness. i could do all of that. it comes easy to me. i think i could be a counsellor. i could be a game designer. i could teach people how to be great artists. i could teach people how to improve themselves. or i could make music and some people would enjoy it enough to pay me for it. there are really many jobs that would come easy to me. everywhere around me that i look, i see people who don't understand as much about the world as i do. who don't know how to improve or how to move forward, when i can see it easily. i don't think that i'm lesser than people who earn 30.000kr a month. i heard that they take coffee breaks and smoking breaks. i heard that they go get sushi for lunch. i heard that you actually even get extra money for healthcare and other things through benefits of your work. i don't know why they don't know how much 100kr is worth.

the doctors told me that there is nothing they can do to help me, but if i pretend that i have autism, i might be able to get more help. because there are systems in place in sweden for people who have autism, and there might be ways for me to get more support and more different kinds of help that way. but i am a responsible person, and i felt that it would be wrong to pretend to have autism if i don't. the help that they said might be possible is also just a "might" or a "maybe". i think i would pretend to have autism if they told me that i would get 30.000kr a month by getting a job through a special programme for autistic people. but i don't know if anything like that would ever happen, so i don't feel comfortable taking a gamble on it. i also feel really angry that the system is like this, and that well-meaning psychologists at the city hospital feel pressured to tell me that the only way they can help me is if i say i have autism.

the only idea i really have for how to not die is to eventually be able to finish making a serious videogame, all alone or with the help of yasmin, or my sibling, or someone i havent met yet. there are people like me, who are creative and analytical, who made very successful videogames alone or almost alone. and i think im a very good game designer, because it comes easy to me. i always know how to fix other people's games, even though nobody asks me to. i know what's wrong: it's usually the same few things. they lack clear direction, in gameplay, art, story, or in everything. they lack a clear sense of their target audience and their desires. they lack understanding of the fundamentals of good game design and what makes games fun and enjoyable and satisfying to play. they lack focus on making the core of the game strong and solid and focus too much on unnecessary things outside of the core gameplay and other pillars of the game. they lack skills in design, or skills in art, or skills in writing. which again comes back to lacking focus, because almost everything is about focus. it's about understanding what the most core things are, what is the most important, both to you and to your audience. it's about pushing design into interesting unique places, or about pushing boundaries for realism, or about limiting your scope to your resources and goals.

when i said i could make someone a master artist by teaching them for a few weeks, it's more or less the same thing. i would teach them that they need to find a core and find focus. they need to push the limits of their art and their ideas, and maybe the limits of the world and society. to focus on shapes and colours and feelings and pushing extremes, while also learning fundamentals of anatomies and perspectives and layouts just to back up the important parts. or if they just want to make ugly vectors for a boring company for 30.000sek each month, i would teach them to focus only on improving those skills necessary for that and to have a full understanding of what their niche means and what the market is like for them. i would also teach them that they can still push their personal limits and make interesting work even if they have a job making ugly art for a boring company, if they wanted to. i would teach them how to market and advertise their art. most of everything is just about focus and about cores and about disregarding useless things. those kinds of things come easy to me. i think it doesn't come easy to most people i see that earn 30.000kr a month. i could even be their therapist to help them stop feeling inferior about their art or stop having impostor syndrome. i understand how the world works and i'm able to teach others about it, if they want to listen.

the biggest evil in the world is expansion, the concept of expansion. our planet and our societies are going to be destroyed because of expansion, and we are hurting today, especially those of us in lower classes, because of expansion. the opposite of expansion is to make smaller and make less. the balanced version is to sustain. if the rich people stopped expanding, the planet and its poor people would do so much better. if we started sustaining instead of expanding, we would be good on our way, and if we started lessening, we could reverse most problems we have.

expanding comes in many forms, everywhere, all the time. when you want to have more money even though you already have enough to live a healthy, safe and happy life, that's expansion. when a company wants to make more money this month than last month, even though its owners have enough money to live a happy life, that's expansion (unless their only purpose in making more money is to help society in some way). when a government wants more land, that's expansion. i could really go on, but almost every evil in the world is expansion at its core. it's about someone wanting to get richer, someone wanting more priviledges, and that someone is someone who doesn't need it, someone who already has it. a company who already has it. a billionaire who already has it. a government who already has it.

i understand a lot about fixing the world. i understand that solving homelessness is possible and would logically be a good investment for societies. i understand that keeping people poor and exploiting them is a way for powerful people to stay powerful. i understand that nobody who has power or money actually wants to help fix the world, because it wouldn't benefit them personally. i understand that those of us who do want to fix the world never get the resources to do so, and won't receive funding from the people who don't want it fixed. i also understand that if i became a politician, i would get death threats. my life would be even harder than it is now. i don't have the option to gamble with my safety like that, when i can't even afford warm winter clothes in my size. it's also not the very easiest job for me. the very easiest would be game designer. the second easiest would be counsellor. politician comes a bit later. i think it would be nice to perform a job that's easy for me and earn 30.000kr every month.

i have a hard time focusing on creating things these days, or focusing on learning things that would help me, like programming. i know a bit of programming, and i know the logic of it very well. i could map out the way the code should work on paper. but learning all the phrases and exact ways of putting it together takes a lot of effort from me, and with my disability it's difficult to do that. i used to draw a lot, and i studied animation very deeply for some years. i read everything about the history of animation that i came across, and about all the fundamentals, the ideas, the ways to make good animation. different mindsets, some that i agree with and some that i don't. i don't think that good animation has to be smooth, or anatomically correct, or correct in perspective. i think anything can be great if it's done with a lot of feeling and honesty and genuinity. you have to have focus. you have to know what your core is, and what the core of your animation is, what the core of each movement, each action, and each scene is. the core of each character. the core of the story, and the colour palettes. the feelings and the motifs. i don't agree that it matters if its two frames or thirty frames. the part that's going to blow people away is the feeling and the extremes. the wild bold colours, or the extremely minimal colours. the massive movements, or the nuanced tiny ones. the ones that tell a story, or the ones that give you a feeling and a sensation without a story. the ones that are anatomically correct and twenty-four frames per second are never going to matter to anyone if they don't feel like anything. that's what i think.

most things are about focus and cores and about not wasting resources on the wrong things. it's about not expanding in the wrong direction. things that come easy to me. if i had the energy, if my back didn't hurt so much, if i could buy sushi for lunch, i would make the best horse videogame in the entire history of the world. i would get more than 30.000kr per month for it, and i would give 1000kr each to 3 or 5 poor people every month to help them with their rent, or their meds, or their sick cat. i would be the responsible adult in my life who has got my back, who can support me, who can help me, and i would be that adult for others. i would pay to go to horse therapy every week, and i would still be able to save 100.000kr every year, and i would be safe, and i would be happy.

[direct0rhutao]

genshin thoughts?? i am curious about whatever hcs or fav canon facts or Unpopular Takes you have etc etc. i trust your opinion 👍

hi hi kit okay first of all tysm im flattered that u r interested in my thoughts that means a lot to me :)

there’s a lot of little details and bits of genshin lore that i love but if i had to choose one it would be that hu tao’s birthday is the same as mine :3 KIDDING one of my favorite random genshin facts is how zhongli once invited xinyan, a rock musician well known for her intense and (literally) fiery concerts, to play some music for the wangsheng funeral parlor

(this is from xinyan’s voicelines btw. do you think zhongli likes rock music because he’s the lord of rocks)

and as for the headcanons!! i can come up with sooo many behold an assortment of genshin thoughts (most of which involve hu tao and xinyan because they are very special to me) (im putting them under a readmore because i got carried away sorry)

• one of my favorite sort-of fanon dynamics is zhongli and his adopted kids ganyu (eldest daughter least likely to get in trouble with the millelith) xiao (middle child whos been an angsty teenager for the last 2000 years) and hu tao (baby of the family with the strongest Gremlin Energy)

• xiao hates zhongli’s new boyfriend childe for Many Reasons such as: he’s spent months in liyue and still can’t use chopsticks, every time he sees xiao he ruffles his hair and calls him “little man”, one time he unleashed an evil god and almost destroyed liyue harbor

• zhongli’s other two children are a little less hostile towards childe. ganyu doesn’t fully trust him because of That One Time He Almost Destroyed Liyue Harbor but he makes zhongli really happy so he’s okay for now …and hu tao thinks he’s kind of a dumbass but his job requires him to kill a lot of people so he’s good for business

• hu tao made childe a customer loyalty card (“10% Off Your 10th Cremation Service!”) however despite childe thinking it was funny, zhongli wouldn’t let her make more copies to give out to the general public

• okay so usually in fanart/fanfics the liyue kids friend group is either xingqiu chongyun xiangling and xinyan or xingqiu chongyun xiangling and hu tao. but why not both. xingqiu chongyun xiangling xinyan AND hu tao AND throw in yun jin as well. all of them are buddies peace and love on planet teyvat

• hu tao has a sort of celebrity crush on beidou (i mean who wouldn’t-) and then she meets kazuha and shes like CAPTAIN BEIDOU HAS A KID?

• hu tao: woaaahh its so nice to meet beidou’s new son… i bet beidou wouldn’t just adopt anyone so you must be super cool and badass because um captain beidou is soooo cool and badass and strong and sexy and did you know she beat a sea monster without a vision and her biceps are big enough to l- kazuha: okay how about we talk about something else

• anyway kazuha is an honorary member of the Liyue Kids Friendship Squad

• xinyan and beidou are also like family but xinyan’s parents are still alive (i think) so xinyan thinks of beidou as more of a cool aunt figure. xinyan and kazuha are kind of like siblings to each other tho

• xinyan is like genuinely very kind and good-natured so i think that aside from people who are assholes to her for being loud/a rock musician she can get along with pretty much anyone. also she just. seems like a really good friend so i think all her friends should love n support her and go to as many of her concerts as they can

• one time when xinyan was having a concert in liyue harbor and chongyun got on stage and started drumming and doing backup vocals bc of his yang energy shenhe passed by and saw them and after the concert while xingqiu was tending to chongyun she approached xinyan

• shenhe: i see you’re a friend of my nephew. your music is very unique. it both soothed and aggravated my homicidal urges at the same time xinyan: uhhh well…th. thank you miss shenhe? i’ll take that as a compliment … if you’re ever in the area again you’re always welcome to rock out at my concerts

• i love yun jin and i love yun jin x xinyan i think they would make a very cute couple HOWEVER. i think hu tao x xinyan would be cute as well. theres a lot of potential there but they barely interact in canon and ive only ever seen one person who maybe ships them uwaaaaaa

• in a modern au hu tao and xinyan would both play gacha rhythm games and they would add each other as friends in-game. hu tao and xinyan are on each other’s bandori friendlist