#im sad which is selfish but I dont know what to do or say

[wayifwepeeformbuts]

🛁🛏🛁

[dream-launch]

How come when people talk about like tryna support people who are in a very rough place mentally they always give the usual you're not alone I'm there for you but never actually make any effort to be there - no reaching out, no desire to even wanna talk - like it's just bullshitting cause they know it would sound too obviously mean to be like oh your not okay? Well too bad don't bother me with that shit I don't care enough about you.

[joylovesfluff]

Sad times

The first time you've ever cooked for Sanji was the time where he felt like the world was going against him, sanji feeling down was definitely a rare sight especially if he wasn't able to make breakfast for the whole crew that morning.

The way sanji usually endure his sadness was by distracting himself by cooking but right now, everything felt too much for him. Every small task that he was so used to doing, now felt like an endless chore, so he thought that maybe he just needed a break.

'Everyone needed a break from time to time right?' he keeps repeating it to himself

'i deserve to have breaks' he repeats but does he really feel like he deserves to be taking a rest while you guys go and cook for yourselves?

And by that he felt selfish, 'its just stress, its fine i can go work' but as he reasures himself that he's fine, you suddenly speak from behind him.

"hey sanji, are you alright?" Your voice, the voice that he has gotten so used to, the voice that always finds a way to cheer him up.

He looks at you unsure what to reply, hes confused if he should tell you the truth or just say that he's fine just like what he always does.

But this time he chose to tell you, you have gained his trust after all so telling you all his worries wouldn't be that bad.

"To be honest, love. Ive been feeling a little down" he says as he looks down, ashamed to admit it especially infront of you, he was supposed to make himself look strong, not showing weakness, but he just couldn't help but tell you everything.

You got him wrapped in your little finger after all.

"Whats been bothering you then? You can tell me anything you know." You tell him to reasure him that you will always be by his side even in his gloomy days.

The cold breeze of that morning wind made your thighs shiver but you tried not to pay attention to it as youre deep into your conversation with sanji.

You listen to rants as your eyes trail to his eyes and how sad they looked, you miss the way they would practically lit up whenever he shares the stories he's heard about the All Blue. But this Sanji isn't the usual sanji that your used to, but that doesn't mean that hes not worth taking care of too.

You continue to listen, but as the cold takes over you, you couldn't help but shiver which did not go unnoticed by sanji.

"Maybe we can continue this inside? Dont want you catching a cold my love"

a/n: omg its cringey i know, please bare with me i just started writing again ksbxisndhxia. Im making a part two soon but right now my mind feel like its ganna explode from all the words that im doing ekcbisneud

[mugentakeda]

Do you have any fic recs similar to your take on iroh? Treating him as an actual character with some fucked up issues is SO much more fun!! I love him and I am chewing on your art

YES!!!!!!!! everytime i post about shithead iroh moments i get nervous someones gonna think i dont like him or im anti iroh or whatever but i genuinely honest to god think his less than savory past and personality traits ON TOP of the things about him that make him so beloved by the fandom makes him better. like yeah i love all parent characters that are just big softies but big softie parents that also are kinda (very much ) fucked up are even better. to ME. and i dont usually judge how good characters are on the basis of how good of a parent they are which is oddly something that a Lot of people do but. U wont find any of that on this blog which is also why i loveeeee ursa.

BUT I DIGRESS! here is my absolute favorite. its unfinished but what is there is still very loaded. digs in deep to iroh. gets pretty nitty gritty with it too. it changed how i see iroh and specifically season 1 iroh. it balances his b1 behavior with his later revealed status as a grand lotus MASTERFULLY, and puts his manipulative and cunning side on full display. might even make you mad at him a little bit

this one is less of a take on iroh as like. a general and a grand lotus and the war side of him and more of him as a father. its short and sad and i adore all of this authors fics involving iroh. it still shines a good light on the consequences of irohs own actions though because lu ten dying was literally his fault. the selfishness and the manic desperation that bleeds through this monologue is kind of scary but also is tragically beautiful.

ALSO these specific parts near the end of salvage were REALLY good. i feel like iroh is definitely the kind of guy that does a whole lot of backhanded comments as a way of patronizing without probably even realizing he does it?? i think a lot of people forget that what makes iroh being “changed” different from zuko is that zuko is still a child, and iroh is like. in his fifties or something. a whole LIFETIME of probably doing everything zuko did pre-redemption but far worse, and plenty times over. take how young azula is when ozai let her loose into the world into account. take the fact that iroh was already a general by the time he was sieging bss into account. im not gonna compare and contrast crimes here but i am trying to put weight onto how long iroh has been in the game. nasty shit like this is bound to still creep in the shadows of irohs mind and will definitely slip out sometimes.

and i know i keep bringing up that one unfinished super gnarly au fic that features azulon putting zuko into irohs care following irohs return to ba sing se (after ozai disgraced himself in requesting azulon give ozai the throne since iroh lost his only heir). hopefully one day ill find it because i hate to think the author deleted it or whatever . but out of all the fics that dig into irohs crimes id say this one does it the deepest while also SOMEHOW managing to make iroh sympathetic just by how sheerly pathetic and miserable he is the whole time. ONE DAY THOUGH. i pray that i will find it. because i have like over 200 pages of history on ao3 and i cant remember when exactly i read the fic so . searching for it has been kind of difficult but if i find it trust i will post it lol

[ear-motif]

just out of curiosity, why do you feel Will is trans? like how does that concept look in your head?? (i dont feel he is canonically trans but so many of his themes align with that concept and it makes my heart happy) i'm very open about the subject, just wanna hear your thoughts!!

oughh i love having thoughts thank you so much.

he is not canonically trans, point blank. but god damn if this show was just a little but cooler he would be. inane ramblings below

it started as a selfish projection of myself onto him, because I immediately related to his awkward accidental sincerity and difficulty relating to the Normals. I even have a similar cadence to my voice when I’m being snarky (which people notice and is extremely embarrassing). lets hope i have a hot glow up cause so far I mostly relate to s1 will (sad!). And because I’m gendersomething I’m like lit ok hes trans bc I said so.

But will’s whole inner world and turmoil makes sense to me when seen through the lens of my experience with gender and mental illness (tho ill focus on the gender for now). feeling like there’s a dark, awful part of yourself that’s constantly being taunted at and goaded into taking over. but your normie friends say that you’re a good person for repressing it, for doing whats useful while resisting what you crave. sven if that’s not what they say, it’s what they mean, and it’s what you’ve been implicitly taught your whole life. [for will, i think allegorically speaking its less his “murderous tendencies” that he has to resist, but gaining an antisocial perspective based on his empathy. growing above morality through his intimate experience with death and killers. that would make a man like will very dangerous, not only for individuals but potentially for his entire community. idk wanted to clear that up im normal about will graham]. obviously thats not what everyone or even most queer ppl’s experience with gender is like, but it is for me. yes im making it sound like i have a transgendered Venom Symbiote Guy hiding in my bones but like. maybe i do you dont know

i feel like this is a crappy answer but thats honestly why im like yea willard graham transgendered…and then the writers like to taunt me by making one of his defining drives his drive to be a father which is mean bc I too need to be a caregiver while maintaining my masculine identity so RUDE. and then setting up how that goal is only pushed further from him by his involvement with hannibal by making mason assault margot and sterilize her, killing their child and leaving her with an abdominal scar. and then having hannibal kill abigail, effectively killing their child and leaving will with an abdominal scar. and from what i know abt s3, he doesnt bond with wally like he does with abigail; hannibal essentially stole his capacity for fatherhood like mason stole margot’s capacity for motherhood (except she wins cuz she and alana have a kid right?) fuck this doesnt relate to gender anymore OK IM DONE I SAID MY PIECE IM SO SORRY

[captainmera]

Mera, i honestly dont know you put up and manage so many people asking you for stuff-

like today, ive only ever gotten one request (that i realised was a full on commission once i accepted) which i then spent atleast 3 HOURS on. not even to get paid T-T

so i just gotta say on behalf of the Mera crew, thank you so much for putting up with us and our shit.

Thanks I appreciate inte that. 🙇💗

I hope they weren't rude, that you still had fun, and that you learned something from it on how you want to proceed going forward with people requesting things from you.

I dont think people who approach me are shit or anything, it can be a little rude or disrespectful at times, but I boil that down to a few people. It's not the majority. Most people are nice and behave like they would if this had been in person.

I like drawing things, and it helps me fill my day with something.

Sure, It can be a little hurtful when people take advantage of that by just throwing a request/ptompt at me like they're putting paper into a copy machine, without consideration or empathy for me and my time.

Some people come in with the energy of "since you have the time you should do things for me, you're nobody without my attention, and if you don't appease me I'll be upset and think you're a selfish bum." Which is, yknow, unpleasant to put it mildly.

Like, sure, I've put myself here. I post things online, and I like when people are interested in my work - who wouldn't be? I do think it's fun to take prompts. It gives me cause to be social and creative at the same time. But just because I'm willing and open for something doesn't mean it gives people an allowance to be entitled to demand things. They speak as though they have paid me enough with their approach alone.

Yes, I spend between 10min-5hours on pieces depending on if they're doodles, fully rendered pieces, or comics.

I think it is especially a bit entitled to go "I NEED PART TWO GIMME!!!!!!" Right after something like a comic, as though I didn't just finish something that took a while to make. It's not very empathetic.

But I don't take it to heart. People show who they are in their actions. I'm within my right to ignore, block, or politely decline. It doesn't serve me to sulk or get sad over people getting mad, calling me names, or get too pushy about what I should or shouldn't draw.

I understand its excitement, but please behave, yknow? You're not a toddler at the toy isle who hasn't developed a temperament resistance yet. Some people, I think, have an issue with instant gratification.

Have some respect in how you treat and speak with people online. The way you treat others reflects who you are.

If you wouldn't yell at someone irl to make you something, don't do it here either. I promise it doesn't reflect well on you, and I don't care that this is online and we are time zones apart; I will judge you. As will others.

You don't treat people like that.

And I won't let anyone treat me like that either. I've had enough of that in my life, and I'm tired of people calling me gullible and dumb for being polite and kind or giving people a benefit of doubt.

What I have is self-respect. It has taken me a lifetime to build it up, and I still wobble a little on whatever or not I can defend myself sometimes when people are mean. But nowadays, I can more confidently say, "You don't get to treat me like that. It hurts, and it is mean."

If you are the sort to take advantage of someone who is willing to do things for the fun of it, and who don't mind the effort it takes sometimes: then you are most unwelcome here and I host no guilt in removing you however I see fit.

But, like I said, the majority of people who approach me are friendly and level-headed, even when they're awkward or excited.

There is a difference between; "I need X so give me X!! Raarghargh Im going to die!!!" And "aaaa! I really enjoyed Z, if you have the time, I'd love to see more of Z!"

You know? <:T

Just food for thought I suppose.

I hope, though, that you keep doing right by yourself and don't let others discourage you.

[anaisnotrying]

"Have I been lied to..?"

₊ genre and tags: angst. idol au but its only mentioned once.

͟͟͞͞ pairing: idol!heeseungx gn!reader.

˚ synopsis: you and heeseung can fake a relationship, but for how long before everything blows up and feelings get hurt?

➳ warnings: angst. crying. mean hee. breaking up. sad times mainly (oops.. )

❥ wc: - 853 wors exact

˚₊ a/n: heeseung angst cuz was feeling emo srry guys 😞.

Everyone knew you and heeseung had the perfect relationship. All the qualities that were written in books and told in fairy tales. People were always so jealous of the love you had for each other. Love support care comfort admiration endearment etc etc. but that wasn't the case behind closed doors.

It always starts this way. You say something and he says the opposite leading to useless fights over nothing. You were too similar, both being close minded and only sticking to what you believed in. even when it came to someone you supposedly 'loved'. You were both so selfish.

It's the same thing over and over again. You get offended and leave, but he brings you back. he leaves and you bring him back. Always claiming " I love you and I dont want to". But, alas here you are again fighting over you can't even remember because you let your insecurities take over both of you. Again.

"God is it my fault you're always so insecure?! I'm sick of comforting you all the time. I have my own worries tooyou know. You're just so frustrating and exhausting. I hate being with you I hate you." he yells and mutters the last part. It stuns you. How can it not? After everything you've done for him. He still choose to say i hate you?

Standing there and taking in what he said, you look up at his eyes "...i love you, im sorry Im like this." you whisper while your eyes well up with tears. he's unaffected at first, he's seen it a before. you'll cry, he'll hug you and apologize and then you'll sleep on the same bed holding each other as if nothing happened.

You'll live tomorrow like nothing happened. But this time seems different. He can tell the look in your eyes shows that your mad at urself more than him. Even after he told you that you mean nothing to him and when he basically poured salt in all your wounds.

"Maybe we should just break up for good this time and i mean it."

"maybe we should just try to tell ourselves a good lie and say that we ended on good terms isn't that what you want people to know?"

"look I didn't mean to say that, but-"

"you can't take it back and say you were trying to make me understand how you feel.You always say too much and regret it after. I'm done forgiving you." you say locking eyes with him.

"you didn't mean to say I love you from the beginning either right?"

"... I'm sorry y/n."

"yeah i get it, i wouldn't wanna be with someone like me either"

"I-"

"someone like me deserves better than to be treated like this. I've done all I can to help you too. I saved you heeseung, multiple times that wasn't easy you know. I saved your friendships, your career, and I saved you from yourself too. Why am I still taking the blame after all that?"

It's better to say everything right now than holding these words in, even after you leave each other. "I never felt loved being with you. Everything that's associated with you is fake. your smile, the look in your eyes, your laugh, everything about you is just.. fake." You say with a scoff and walk towards him brushing his hair out of his eyes and holding his cheek in your hand as you always do. Always holding him so softly and gingerly. As if he's made of glass. To you he is. He always is.

His only problem other than being a selfish prick, is that he bites more than he can chew. No matter how much he promises to change and be better. He can't. He knows that he can't, and now he's done promising, which is why this is all happening.

"Admit that you're fake heeseung. That's all you'll be." you mutter and give him a pitiful look as more tears well up in your eyes blurring your vision. Blurring the tears welling up in his eyes too.

"I'm sorry." he whispers with a broken voice. He holds the hand that's on his cheek. He holds it and squeezes it showing his sincerity this time. Showing that he means it this time. but it's too late.

You pull away sighing. Taking your coat and bag, heading straight to the door. You tell urself not to look back. You know that if you look back you'll see him again, all broken and hurt, that sight that always breaks you and pulls you back to him.

"bye heeseung, I love you." you say as you open the door. You leave as if you're just going to work, as if you're just going out and that you'll come back soon enough. But now you both know that you're leaving for the last time and for good. No going back. No looking back. No taking back anything that happened .

"sorry y/n." was the last thing you heard as you closed the door behind you.

So much for 'perfect love' huh?

taglist!! :(tagging moots for now send wn ask or dm to be added to the permanent list!!) @redm4ri ꗃ @taejays ꗃ @slytherinhobi ꗃ @skz-minchan-enthusiast

[soberlovey]

"Im sorry on that day."

warnings: cussing, angst, daddy issues.

"I know ever since that one important figure in your life had lost your sincerity and trust, you just havent been the same. No one was there to lift you into their arms or take care of you like you took care of everyone else. I trust multiple people, and you are one of them Y/N. But I'm sure you dont really trust anyone besides John, of course. Maybe you dont trust him, but thats not your fault dear."

Winston understood you well, although your emotionless body, which the only time it could ever be emotionless was when the options were excitement or happiness.

It just hasn't been the same. Not ever since you watched your father die for something you did.

You remembered his exact words.

"How could you do that to your own father? I loved you, and I guess I still do. But I think you dont want my love. You are greedy and selfish. Your goddamn attitude caused all this. You wont live without me by your side, tormenting you day by day. I will make sure you will remember me."

They say John wouldn't do that. But you kept your distance because you were too scared to break anyone's trust. Especially his. Hes really all you got.

Your anger was like your fathers, constantly harvested.

You cant be angry though. Its not in your nature.

You can be sad, but it doesn't matter. No one really understands your boundaries nor what is wrong. Nothing will be changed. After all, everyone takes advantage of you, everyone holds a grudge.

Independence is key, you cant ask for help. It would make you useless. You cant deny things, everyone would attack you.

The only thing you can do until he is back is take care of yourself and talk to the empty walls.

[qumiiiquinnquin]

im scared to tell my psychiatrist i tried to end myself twice within a month (sep-oct). i dont know why i am. i have to call the office myself since im an adult now, but im really scared making phonecalls. i have to do it because its been since april that ive seen my psychiatrist but i have to do it. i dont know when ill do it, im too scared. that fear frustrates my family a lot. i feel like im already a failure of an adult and will continue to be like that forever.

today was mostly good, just uneventful until this evening. but now im feeling depressed and i want to cry until i cant anymore, but i cant cry, so i just feel bad. i dont feel tired so i dont want to sleep, but its almost midnight so i should soon. im feeling stressed out about needing to call the psychiatrist's office, so i dont feel like i can relax at all.

ive just been feeling bad a lot lately but thats not new, i say think that to myself every other week or so. whats making me sad the most right now is hating my art. i dont have any confidence in my art but i want to get better, but i dont think i ever will. i will always have mediocre talent, no matter how hard i try. i keep thinking about burning my physical art and either deleting my digital art or just even destroying my laptop, though the latter is very excessive, but i still think about it every now and then out of frustration. i want to give up but i really dont know what else id do, ive always drawn since i was very little, its always made me happy. i really want to not care how upset stopping would make people, including myself, but if i dont stop out of just purely giving up, i probably will stop because i k!lled myself.

every day is feeling the same, it even felt that way when classes were still going. i got so used to the schedule that i got used to the systematic cycle. i partially dont want classes to start again because of that, its boring and the amount of work is stressful, im just going to go back to breaking down and nearly attempting from stress and lack of confidence that i can really do this, that i can really power through and get the degree i want. i keep getting told im smart and always work hard, but that really doesnt mean anything now. being and doing those things doesnt suddenly mean that because of those things, ill survive the stress. it only actually makes it worse, like im ridiculous for feeling the pressure and have the mental health collapses that i do because of college, that im not trying hard enough and am lazy.

for some reason the desire for love has been on my mind and i dont know why, youve seen the pathetic longing things i say about romance. right now i feel like i am missing out and am a failure by societal standards for not even have dated in my life, and i still dont have a partner at 18 years old. i feel extremely lonely to the point that seeing other couples makes me depressed, which is probably selfish of me. i feel like and believe now that i will always be alone. i know i am not beautiful to anyone, i know i am not funny, i am not interesting, im a pain in the ass, im too much to deal with and am just unlovable in general. i hate feeling this way, i never cared about romance or relationships and have always been repulsed at the idea of me ever being loved romantically or being in a relationship. i feel stupid. i feel like a jerk. i feel like i deserve to be alone forever, and i really do. or maybe, just end myself, if im so unlovable in every way, then why not just weed myself out? whoever takes my place will be much more worth it than i ever could be. its so stupid thinking about myself d*ing from a broken heart. "just grow up, sad excuse of a grown adult." (in quotes because its a direct thought to myself towards myself, nobody else)

i really doubt everything will get better, ive felt this same exact way for 3 years now. sad, burntout, stressed, like im nothing but a problem for my family, a burden and waste of time to be around or talk to or care about. i did attempt once in 2021 but failed, obviously im still alive. i really want to try again. im really scared of pain, so im trying to find the quickest way or the least painful option. if i just call, i can get different meds or a different dosage and i wont feel this terrible. im so childish for an adult to be unable to make a fucking phonecall. i feel like next year might be it, im not sure why i get that feeling, but i dont have any reason to keep going. im not looking forward to anything. nothing is really that fun or exciting, i just try to distract myself. i know im not wanted, and im too difficult for my family.

its now a half hour after midnight because im incapable of shutting the fuck up. i might just lay down and watch youtube or cry myself to sleep, whichever happens first

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ sunrise in versailles (part 3) (chapter 15)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 5k

warnings- swearing, fighting (waaa), emotional distress, mentions of miscarriage, lots of sad shit tbh. I think this is all? lmk.

a/n-Hi m'loves, I hope ur all doing well and having a good summer so far!! I will update the main masterlist asap so all of the chapters are easily accessible through pinned post on my page! -Nini

"so....he's saying that it just happened and there wasn't necessarily any reasoning behind it. Its normal....its not your fault." Taehyung whispered, translating the english speaking doctor's words into Korean as you remained seating in a hospital bed.

No reasoning? normal?

You would scoff if you had the energy.

Instead, you just blinked a few times in understanding, putting your head back and looking up at the obnoxiously bright lights in the room. Really- they werent comforting in the slightest.

The doctor kept speaking to Taehyung, who then would refer to you, "they are....gonna give you medicine to help pass any, um, tissue? left inside..." his voice was thick, slicked with grief as he tried to explain everything.

After they handed you a few papers and pamphlets, they passed a bottle of pain reliever and extra medication into your hands, then pushed you out of the clinic, as if nothing happened, or if anything changed.

The car ride back to the hotel was quiet, you refused to even hold Taehyungs hand, which, yeah...you felt bad for shutting him out, because you know he was hurting just as much as you were, however you wanted to just process it by yourself. It perhaps was selfish to do so, but you didnt want to talk about it.

even with him.

"maybe its a good idea to look into a flight back home...?" he whispered, hand on your lower back as you walk back into the room. You winced before crawling onto the bed, hugging a pillow.

"no....." you mumbled, closing your eyes. The thought of going on a 12 hour plane ride in this condition made you queasy. You just wanted to lay in bed for the next few days to recover.

He put the stuff down and stood in front of the bed, looking down at his feet as his mind rambled of ways to help. "are you hungry?"

You shook your head.

"thirsty? You should probably have some water......do you want me to run you a bath-?"

"taehyung!" you looked over at him, he was taken back for a moment upon hearing your voice, the loudest you've spoken since the miscarriage began. "I want to be left alone, I dont need anything"

He frowned, "but you-"

"but nothing" you sighed, resting your head back down. You swallowed any trace of sadness in your voice, any signal you were ready to break down. "I just....I want to sleep."

"okay" he nodded, upset at your dismissive behavior. All he wanted was to hold you in this moment, for you two to mourn together so you can heal, and you were practically pretending he didnt exist.

He grabbed his cellphone and calmly left the room, walking out to clear his head. The weather was now much sunnier, air was hot but nice. He wondered what adventure you both would be up to right now if this never happened.

Reluctantly, he began to ring up his mother to discuss whats going on, knowing that you will probably be mad for doing it without you, but he needed someone to talk to so desperately.

"mom...." he whispered when the ringing on the other line stopped, signaling someone picked up.

"Taehyung? whats wrong?" her voice was groggy, He suddenly remembered that it was really late over in Busan, and she was most likely asleep.

"im sorry for calling so late" he mumbled, "I just really need to talk to you"

"what is it?" her voice was more awake now, obvious curiosity and panic.

He sighed, taking a breath as he looked around at the people walking down the street. "Y/N....this morning, she had a miscarriage." he swallowed roughly, feeling the familiar lump in his throat. "we just got back to the room after going to the clinic, shes okay, but she wont talk to me...and I know this doesnt concern you in the slightest, you were upset to begin with, but....im hurting mom." his voice cracked at the last sentence, face hiding into his arm.

He heard a stilling of breath on the other line.

Taehyungs mother wasnt all too pleased to hear you both were expecting a child together, but she never wished for something like this to happen, it was heartbreaking.

"ah my son... im terribly sorry my dear." she exhaled, "its okay to cry, its okay to be upset, you know?"

He sniffed, wiping his eyes with the collar of his shirt, "yeah but, I just wanna be with her and shes getting mad at me"

"Its a difficult situation, She is hurting just like you maybe even more, and she needs space....she will come around okay? where is she? where are you? did they specify what caused it?"

"im outside of our hotel, sitting on a bench, she doesnt want me in the room....and shes okay, they gave her medicine and stuff but they said it was natural, like nothing inflicted it or caused it"

She nodded on the other line "okay...maybe you both should come home. I know you worked hard to be there right now but if shes sick you guys need to be close to us. I will make some meals and bring them over so she doesnt have to cook, or you can just stay with us, whatever you two decide."

He brushed his hair with his fingers, listening to his mothers soft soothing tone, one he wasn't particularly used to hearing too often. "I asked her if we should go back and she said no"

"she wants to stay in a foreign country during this? what if something else happens?"

"I dont think she wants to deal with the plane ride" he sighed

"thats understandable, but she can just sleep the entire time, then i'll order a cab to our house straight from the airport, how does that sound?"

"I'll try to talk to her again about it, I just want her to be okay"

"she will be okay, but these things take time. She may not act like she needs you there with her but she does, go back to the room okay?"

"okay....thank you, I'll text you after, love you..." he mumbled, grateful that for once, his mother was supportive in such a time of pain.

-

"you showered?" he asked, walking back into the room as he saw you on the floor, looking out the large window by the bed. Your long wet hair gently dripping to the carpet below you.

"mhm" your eyes stayed glued to the city, watching cars drive around as the sun began to say its goodbyes, setting beautifully and coating the sky with a purple and orange tint.

His eyes looked down to the pillow in your lap, you squeezed it tightly.

"how...uh, how are you feeling physically?"

"mm" you shrugged, finally turning back to look at him. You were pale, and you looked exhausted. The dark bags under your eyes didnt lie. "im managing"

"you dont have to manage alone" he whispered, sitting beside you.

"taehyung..."

"y/n"

You looked at him as he sat on the carpet next to you, your body tightening up once more.

"why wont you let me be here for you?" he whispered, eyes directly on yours as he tilted his head. Taehyung didnt want to come off as aggressive or forceful.

You shook your head, eyes darting out the window once more. "I dont wanna talk about it"

"why no-"

"because it fucking kills me!" you cried out, covering your face, "it hasnt even been a day, im processing it, it doesnt feel real and I just..."

He looked at you, his own expression softening as he felt his stomach churn.

"I just wish it never happened" you choke out in a faint whisper

"I know baby, I know...." he mumbled, slowly bringing his arm to yours, pulling you into his lap. "me too, this is awful, I know it is, and I know I will never understand how you feel....but im hurting too. lets process this together? please?" his fingers laced through your hair as you softly cried, you could feel the exhaustion and emotion seeping through every ounce of your body. "I think we should just go home..."

"but you worked so hard to be here....we arent going..."

Taehyung sighed, "its not important. I...I called my mom and explained the situation, shes offering us a room at the house, she will cook for us and everything, allow you time to heal, and-"

You stopped crying, climbing off his lap and looking at him as if he slapped you in the face. "you called your mom? why? what?"

"I know, im sorry, I shouldve asked you if it was okay-"

"yeah you should have" you wiped your nose and stood up, huffing and tossing the pillow back onto the bed. "thats so....you dont need to go telling everyone. Not to mention she gave me shit when she found out I was pregnant, and now she wants to be all supportive? bull fucking shit"

He was taken back at your sudden outburst, he rose to his feet and turned to you "baby, hey, I know my parents arent the best but they are offering support right now, put all the fighting aside, she knows your hurting and is just trying to be nice"

"I dont care, I refuse to let her do that, especially given the fucking comments she through at me" you ran your hands through your hair. "I mean, shit, taehyung, my own mom didnt know I was pregnant yet and now I have to tell her I already miscarried?" you sighed "this is a lot on me! this is a lot mentally, and you cant just go telling people, im embarrassed"

"you shouldnt be"

"I am, I dont really want to be coddled or get sympathy calls and texts from people, I just want to be alone, and to be honest, I am really fucking mad at you right now"

He raised his brow, he was upset at your behavior but tried to understand the situation from your point of view. "okay..." he exhaled, "I get it, I know, and im sorry"

You threw your phone across the room, walking into the bathroom and shutting the door.

Taehyung felt lost, his attempt of helping seemed to only make shit worse for the both of you. How was one person supposed to navigate or fix the said situation? you wanted help, but you refused it.

He didnt want to leave again, but he grabbed his coat and walked out once more, this time it was to sit on the fire escape stairs out near the balcony.

It felt like hours, he cried, watching cars drive around. It was selfish, but he wished he was one of those people.

he wished he was away, he wished you and him were doing what you had originally planned for the day instead of this.

His heart was in his throat as it suddenly hit him, the loss of the child he had learned to grow so fond of. Taehyung had not known them for very long, but oh, he fell in love at the first heartbeat, the first sonogram that still sat in his wallet at this very moment.

He was in love the moment he walked into his bedroom and saw it as a nursery for the first time, eager to push everything out just so he can decorate it 7 months early.

The moment he saw your bump beginning to form, snapping photos left and right. The moments of holding your hair back so you didnt get vomit in it during your morning sickness days. The moments of him talking to your stomach late at night when you pretended to be asleep and watch.

Taehyung would whisper his fears but righten them as promises of love and nothing less. the role of a father.

It seemed so scary at first, but as he settled into it, the idea became somewhat comforting, at least knowing he wasnt alone.

But now what?

Where do you even start to pick up the pieces of loss of a life you never even got to taste?

Everything that was finally looking up was ripped away in a matter of moments. He was angry at the world, angry at himself, angry at the innocent people walking around below...but he wasnt angry at you, no matter how much you deflect his compassion.

He tossed his cigarette and began to look up at the stars, trying to mentally keep track of the number of them. It was something to distract his brain, it was something to do other than feel pathetic.

The slider door to the balcony slowly opened, presenting you tightly wrapped in a robe as your hair was now thrown into a pony tail.

Taehyung waved his hand, too afraid to speak up.

"I just got off the phone"

He nodded, looking over.

"with my mom" you exhale

"oh?" Taehyung sat up quickly as you walked over, sitting beside him.

"yeah" you whisper, of course you had been crying, there was no way to hide it. "I told her everything, mine as well not wait"

He nodded, unsure of how to react

Its quite for a moment, the overwhelming tension between you both choking you as the night sky blanketed the city, the air thick with love and grief.

"are you okay?" he whispered

"yes...or, will be anyways" you sniff, taking a deep breath and allowing your lungs to receive a moment of calmness for the first time today. "are you?"

He shrugged, looking at you. "mad..." he murmured, watching his heel continue to dig into the cigar that was already on the ground.

"mad?" you whisper

"yeah, mad."

"why?"

"because..." it was his turn to cry, his fists bunching up his white shirt. "I left you, I fucking left you while it happened."

You frown, watching his eyes look anywhere but your own. "My love...whether you were in the room or not, it still wouldve happened"

"At least you wouldnt have been alone..." he choked, "I keep getting images of how scary it mustve been, and how you kept calling me and I was just...not there"

You wiped your eyes, scooting closer to him.

"so fucking dumb, im so stupid. I hate everyone and im mad. Im angry, its not fair" he mumbled

You were unsure of what to say to him, opting to pull him into your arms as you embraced eachother.

"where were you anyways...?"

He sniffed, whispering lowly "I went to get you flowers, and breakfast" his cheeks were slightly red. "just my luck, I do something nice and the world spits in my face"

You couldnt help the small smile that found its way onto your lips, "well thats very sweet...."

"doesnt matter. it was dumb and I shouldnt have left you"

"you cant blame yourself for this" you look at him, turning his head so he sees you. "we need to stop blaming ourselves. This is going to take a while to recover from, and we gotta realize that now more than ever." you whisper, pressing your forehead to his.

He nodded, lifting slightly to kiss you delicately.

Taehyung held both of your hands as he rested his head on your shoulder.

"Im going home"

He sniffed, "you are? I think thats good, we dont have to stay at my moms house, I understand how awkward that might be for you, and it was my wrong doing to just go and talk behind your back. We can just go back to the apartment okay?"

You shake your head slowly, "no, Tae, home...Gwangju." you spoke into his ear gently, your hand running circles on his back. "I need to see my mom, I need time to recover, and to be honest, I need to recover from a lot more than just this one thing...."

He sat away, looking at you. "Gwangju?"

"yeah. Ive been thinking about going back for a while, remember? my mom isnt getting any younger and she still has troubles with her back. She wasnt doing too well when we visited. I need to be with my mom to help her, and so she can help me with everything Ive been dealing with, which....is a lot." you exhale, trying to offer a small laugh to lighten the mood. "she misses me too, all the time"

His face was contorted, mind racing. "well...okay..." he nodded slowly, "thats fine...when do we leave?"

You bit your bottom lip and looked at him, "not we, just me tae..."

Taehyung frowned, "what do you mean? you....are leaving without me?" his voice was thick with emotion as the realness of the sudden situation sunk in.

"yeah...not for long, I promise, I just need time-"

"what are you talking about?" he chokes out, standing up and looking down at you. "I offered to take you back home so we can recover and rest, I offered you anything I could, and you refused, now suddenly you are hot and eager to hop on a plane to Gwangju to....get away from me?"

"its not like that"

"then please explain what it is like because it seems as if life isnt the problem, its me"

You roll your eyes slightly, "stop jumping to conclusions, you know first hand how bad the past months have been, between kaito, the pregnancy, school, work and the drama with you and I. I lost all my friends, I switched to online classes just for the situation, I have to manage everything, all of my shit including yours"

"What do you mean?"

"its just a lot, tae, I am only one person. I love you, I really do, and I wish you would calm down so I can explain."

He sits, face in his hands.

"Listen" you begin "everything is just a lot right now, this...loss..." you whisper "it was the sole decider for me to make the move to go back home for a while. I need to fix some shit, because im not the best person, and I need to be away from people"

"you sound so crazy"

You scoff, looking at him, "crazy?"

"yeah, crazy. so what? we break up? you know, couples dont just leave or abandon eachother when something bad happens, you turn to them when you need support, just as we done with everything else so far." he tries to plead with you, hands trembling a bit. "I know its a lot for you, I know your body is tired physically and mentally, and I can only imagine how the past 24 hours have been, but....you do realize that I am hurting as well? this doesnt just involve you, it was my baby too?"

You sink into your seat, sighing as you shake your head, "obviously I know that"

"then why are you acting like its only your problem?" he winced, "we....we are missing out on so many experiences. we will never get to hold or see that baby ever, you think that doesnt rip my fucking heart out y/n??" his voice wavered, now slightly louder as he tried to get you to see his side. "this is so selfish, you are being so selfish"

You felt tears seep into your eyes, quickly getting up so he doest see your reaction as you open the slider, feet guiding you back into the cold hotel room.

"yeah run away" he scoffs, tears streaming down his face as he attempts to follow you, tossing his jacket to the floor in rage.

"where will I be? where do I go?" he yelled, watching you silently search the closet as you rip clothes out, tossing them to the bed.

When you dont respond, he grows more upset and desperate. "so fuck me then? right? because my feelings on this dont matter?" he cried, standing at the door and watching you. "please tell me what ive done, what ive said, to make you feel like you cant talk or confide in me? why is there no comfort between us? what the fuck happened?"

Tears freely fell as you aggressively threw your suitcase together, you heard his words sink into your blood, your own emotions tugging at your heart as you tried to convince yourself you were capable of making your own choices. "its not a break up, its just some time away from everything, I will come back" you spoke, teeth gritted.

"you are being so selfish y/n" he shook his head in disbelief, "why am I not enough to help? why cant we both go to your moms?"

"because im tired!!" you yell, throwing the shoes in your hands.

He laughed, eyes scanning over you "you are tired? from what? ....oh I get it, me giving you every limb I have, spending my time and money on you must be so exhausting. Im just the fucking worst huh? Jesus, y/n, you are acting like I fucking punched you" he spit

You glared at him, pinching your thigh as he referred to Kaito "Im tired of drama following me everywhere I go. I never fucking asked you to give me anything, ever, at all." you whisper, eyes sinking into his. "How dare you say that to me....." you grew angry at your voice wavering "this was a mistake"

His eyes widened, "a mistake..?"

"yeah..." you scoff "a mistake, clearly the biggest one ive made" you were quick to wipe your eyes. "we should have stayed just friends, you feeling forced to provide and love me just because of the baby is pathetic. You dont have to worry about it anymore anyways, asshole" you spit, turning around.

He felt like he had gotten stabbed in the chest, his breath leaving his lungs as you sat there and accused him of not only not loving you, but the child. "y/n, you know nothing...you have no idea what you are saying"

"oh but I do"

"you are angry, and thats why you said that, I really hope thats the case...because what you just accused me of...." his voice was tight and shallow. "how can you say I only stayed because of the baby....who, by the way, I was willing to give up everything for"

"you felt compelled to, you dont have to lie anymore"

His tears continued to fall, he was shocked at your words. "y/n I love you and that baby more than anything....why are you saying this?"

He regretted yelling, and perhaps he said words that dug deeper than he meant them too, however what you threw back at him was worse than any conversation prior.

"Yeah well I dont even know if the baby was yours or Kaitos so It literally doesnt matter" you threw clothes into your bag "its gone anyways" you sobbed, "so just go on and do whatever the fuck you were doing before I pulled you down with me, okay?"

Taehyung gasped softly, eyes widening as he watched you.

You knew it was wrong, you regretted saying it as soon as it left your mouth, but you couldn't go back on it, not anymore.

"you....you dont?"

You didnt reply, instead, picking the pace up as you gathered your things.

"baby....baby talk to me this isnt funny anymore" he ran over to you, desperately seeking your attention. "look....i...I dont care if it was mine or not, I wouldnt have treated them any differently, baby please listen to me, its okay"

"taehyung I have to go" you whispered

"no..please my love, why are you....what did I do? im sorry...im sorry" he grasped your hand and fell onto his knee

"stop" you choked out, looking at him with tears in your eyes. "listen...Its not forever, just give me some space....please"

"why...this is so...." he whispered, crying as he looked up at you, "please think this through. let me come with you-"

"taehyung....look at me, Im not breaking up with you, I just need space, and if you wont let me do that..." you shrug, "then what are we doing here?"

He looks down at his hands

"thank you, okay? thank you for giving me all of this, and Im sorry it didnt work out, but we need to have time away so we can come back stronger, okay?" you choked out before going back to what you were doing.

Taehyung at some point in the conversation gave up at trying to convince you to stay, he realized his words were no longer effective, and you were gonna walk away from him no matter what he said.

He felt your grip loosen, specifically within the past few weeks. You were slowly slipping away and he knew it, but he didnt want to think it was anything you two couldnt fix, he needed you just as much as you needed him.

He knew he would wait, and if you left and needed space, then he would let you do so.

"fine..." he whispered, feeling one hundred percent defeated as his eyes watched you gather your things. "w-when....are you leaving?"

you sniffed, "tomorrow morning"

"i'll go with you to the airport" he said quickly, making your grasp on your bag tighten.

"okay" you mumbled.

Its not that you didnt love Kim Taehyung, its that you loved him too much to be wrapped in this drama with him all the time. Things will be well for a while then something happens, something always happens, and its not fair.

to either of you.

You regretted saying the baby thing the moment it came out of your mouth, but you were always bad at dealing with emotions. After some time alone with your mom you would need to do some major damage control.

You only wanted 2 weeks alone, its not like you were leaving for 2 years, why was he being so stubborn about this?

It was a fairly quite car trip at 6am the next morning to the airport.

The grey clouds that toppled over you set the tone of the day for taehyung as he parked among the cars in the lot. The last time you two were at this airport was when you arrived here, hopes high for not only the trip, but a positive change in eachothers future.

one that never came.

he walked you inside all the way to your gate, watching as crowds of people gathered nearby.

"well...." he whispered, watching the way his feet scuffed the floor beneath him.

"well..." you repeated, turning to look at him. "its only a few weeks"

Taehyung nodded, repeating the extent in his brain like it would reassure him.

"we will come out of this as better people" you mumbled, reaching up to hug his tightly, hands finding the familiar pattern of running down his back, squeezing him.

"I hope" he exhaled, hugging you just as tight.

Once you pulled away, your faces close together, you looked into his eyes and took every ounce within you to avoid tearing up. Before bed last night, you both discussed the properties of this situation, and what exactly it would entail. You apologized for your words, as did he, and now here you both were at the end of the terminal waiting for your plane to be called so you can head back to korea without him.

"about the baby...." you whispered, looking at him

"I know...you dont have to apologize again. y/n, I dont care who's it was, I honestly dont. nothing would have led me away from you" he reassured, "I just want to make sure you will be okay on the flight"

You nod slowly, "i will be fine, moms picking me up when I land so..."

"good, thats good"

"yup, and i'll text you when im at home okay?" you spoke

"got it"

"you'll wait for me?"

"i'll wait for you" he whispered, kissing your forehead.

"even if im the most awful person?"

Tae laughed softly "you arent, but even if you were, yes"

You nod sadly, finally allowing the tears to spill as he immediately hugged you close to his chest again. its not a goodbye, its a "see you later", right?

"dont cry...this is what you wanted"

You pull back, wiping your eyes "yeah...yeah"

The speaker above your heads announced boarding for your plane. Grabbing the tickets from your bag, you looked at taehyung once more and smiled weakly, "i'll see you, okay?"

He smiled, nodding "i'll be there when you need me" please need me

You waved, quickly turning so he wouldn't see you crying again as you made your way down the tunnel, your body now hidden behind the herd of other passengers.

"love you" he whispered to himself, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he realized his current state, alone.

He hasnt been alone in months, and it provided a certain uncomfy feeling that ran through his body, almost disturbing. He knew he would be returning to the hotel and packing so he could visit his own mother and father back in Busan. Explaining that situation to them will be its own event.

How could something so sweet and beautiful always find its way to trash? to devastation? it was what you two thrived on, and perhaps time apart was needed after all.

He would wait for you

He would wait for your laugh, your eyes, the way you whispered, the way you nagged him over being messy, or how you fussed when he forgot to eat again.

But....how long exactly would he do so?

taglist-

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

[sh4tt3rg1rl]

OKAY

so.

i really originally made milo for the silly

you know

blissys mod has been inactive lately, and i really wanted sign and bob to have that connection again, so i made milo

but after a while, i realized that milo could be really good for everyone, not just them

and so came the idea that milo woyld be immune to trauma. maybe it came from my own selfish wish that i could be too, maybe it came because i have literally no characters that are trauma free, but either way, i liked it enough to make it canon.

now to how i feel he would react to others trauma.

youve already seen how he feels about sun. about the drama between her and bob. he still thinks of her as family. everyone that was family with bob before he was disowned, he loves like family. in his eyes, his family is big and maybe troubled, but he can fix it. hes a little ray of sunshine. hes the one who never cries, the one who always forgives, the one who loves all.

hes milo the angel baby.

so he hears about how sun is, and his first reaction is "i love her."

not "oh no, sun!"

not "please dont hurt yourself."

not "shes such a screw-up."

but "i love her."

the first thing he wants to do is give her a big hug and say that even if everyone else goes away, he never will. ever. if needs be, he will literally never leave her side, if only so she feels his love always. because thats his gramma. thats his family. and shes sad, and he doesnt want her to be, and he doesnt care what other people say, or what she says herself, she is still his grandmother. she is still bobs mother in her heart, even if her words say different things. and thats how milo sees her.

milo is my only trauma-free character. he is my most innocent, my sweetest, my most loving character. and he loves everyone. not just his family, not just his friends, but everyone.

he knows sun is good. he knows she can show it. he knows she can be happy. even if she doesnt know this herself, he knows its true. and he wants to show her. and if no one else will, if even her own sister who saved her life wont, then he will take that job on himself.

even if hes "too young"

even if she fights it

even if his parents tell him not to and to leave her alone because she did this to herself and is getting what she deserves

because his name is milo

and he is four years old

and he will make his family happy

no matter what

IM GONNA START BAWLING YALL CANY BE DOING HHTIA TO MEEEEE

HES SO AMAZI NT AND INNOCENT I LOVE HIM SM THE BOY EVER

also "she did this to herself" the worst part about that line is that its completely right

it started as a tiny mistake. which she blamed herself for HEAVILY. the weight of two missing friends on her back.

and it got worse; she drank and got hurt and lashed out because of her decisions

and because of this, her pushing everyone away, there was no one to help her, comfort her, get her the help she needs

and now that sigils gone. she genuinely has no one. shes not even close enough to her own sister to feel she isnt burdening her.

so now that she has no one

theres nothing stopping her from getting worse and worse and worse until she finally snaps =)

BUT

MILO

OUR BOY. TO THE RESCUE

WHEN NO ONE IS THERE HE IS THERE

WE LOVE HIM SM

[sirenascales]

I am personally disappointed in the ending for Only Friends. I'll just bullet point my opinions from the top of my head in no particular order because everything is a mess.

SandRay is perfect. That's all. Their ups and downs really had me biting my nails and I just... love them together so much.

As much as I think TopMew was cute.... their entire story still felt kind of stale. Yes the cheating hurdle and Top working to get Mew's forgiveness was nice but like... still was pretty lackluster.

BostonNick......... I'm so sad how they ended but it also made sense to me. We know Boston and Nick care deeply for each other but they are incompatible and have different views. Nick finally stopped bending himself backwards for Boston, knowing and finally that monogamy isn't for him (Boston), AND THATS OKAY. It hurts but it is what it is. But:

I swear I want to box everyone in that friend group cause like.... they treated Boston terribly. Like it's FINE that Mew declared their friendship over, like... that's just how it be sometimes when you've done someone dirty... but I wished Cheum hadn't invited Boston to the party because it was so awkward and just... it was almost too cruel for me.

Everyone else was on their bullshit throughout the series, and they are happy with their friends/lovers but Boston???? Fuck him, I guess. And I'm not saying he shouldn't have suffered his consequences because he was a selfish asshole but jesus.... i just hope he's in NY living his best life. I'll treat him right even tho he dont like girls dnfjdjmsks

Also the blatant slutshaming against Boston..... but Top and Sand were out here slinging they dicks too right? Fuck off omfg

I saw someone say that Boeing was like, a test for the couples and boy...... 💀 one couple failed, cause this man was lowkey unhinged. But Boeing is also hot so like............ 🧍🏼‍♀️ im sorry lol i love chaos which is probably why i loved Boston so much in the beginning LOL

I love this series so much and I do love the characters, and sure the ending was okay and pretty standard... but just... eh

me when the episode ended:

[salstini]

so i told le bf about feeling a lack of reciprocity in our relationship (thanks Liz for the expression heheh), I really tried to be as kind and neutral in my message despite my anger at the time, just stating what I feel and what i would like without criticizing him and like giving him options and stuff.

he hasn’t responded yet and i kinda feel like he’ll still take it the wrong way, get defensive and not listen to what i said at all, but we’ll wait and see… part of me wants to resort to the quickest resolution method aka “saying i’m the one who was wrong for everything, letting my guilt overwhelm me, cry from the pain and promise i’ll learn to control my emotions”

but this time I’m just gonna try sitting with the discomfort and not tell myself I’m wrong for asking for reciprocity. i’m not guilty of anything, I didn’t do anything bad, maybe I’m not perfect and maybe i am a needy and selfish and dysfunctional but it doesn’t make me a bad person. at least that’s what I’m trying to tell myself as i resist the urge to send him sthg like “im sorry… sorry that i’m the way i am” which is how most of our conflicts have been resolved i feel LMAO

maybe if this doesn’t go well then we’ll have to break up because i can’t continue processing his emotions for him … like every time i bring sthg up and feel genuinely sad or sthg, he’s often defensive and expresses anger instead of comforting me or trying to understand me… i dont necessarily want to depend solely on him for emotional support but being met with anger everytime i express dissatisfaction (even in the nicest way) is just not it for me

Who knows maybe I am the irrational one and he’s right and i’m asking for too much, but still there must be some ways we can discuss it and find solutions together right? if he can’t give me what i need, which i get is not sthg i should expect of anyone (as in like, can’t expect ppl to cover my needs at all times), at least can he give me some patience, forgiveness, understanding? i know it’s hard being with me but still 😭

[kachimera]

celia, arikado, leon, sara for the bingo 👁️👁️

Celia

Oh what a mess of a woman. I know it's more of a writing flaw but i adore how she switches between being a threatening villain to the most incompetent moron ever (seriously girl you fake murder Dracula's reimcarnation's crush and you expect him to not instantly murder you? Fr?). Plus depending on the source she either is legit indoctrinated in her cult's beliefs which gives her a sad facet or she has the more selfish purpose of preserving her own dark magic (and what do i say? I can make both work. I think). Plus the way it can be implied that she might have contact n even collaboration w Arikado makes it better (sorry for the ppl reading this but yes it works i swear im not insane). Go silly gal go! Play Machiavellian schemes with the literal son of the dark lord and underestimate your enemy!

Arikado

Oh boi and talking abt Arikado; the common idea of a grown up n stable Alucard finding stability after "ending" the cycle is fine and all, but the implication from his AoS n DoS behaviour that he is in a terrible mental state and unable to let go of the cycle? Beautiful. Amazing. Need me more of that. He's this beautiful mini reflection of the revenge cycle, and after living through it, with the goal of murdering his own father, for so long, and having it as his sole purpose, it has devoured him n broken him. And he now wants to take control of it with his own hands, is showing both the worst behaviour of both his father AND the Belmonts (haha SotN parallels w Richter) and might end up making matters worse :) (I blame you for indoctrinating me into the neg character arc Alu, thank u) Anyways someone force this poor moron to take vacations before he loses it

Leon

THE HIM. MY BABY BOI. I love his honor n morals and how he chooses them in the face of great suffering. His bravery and impulsiveness. How he's sassy can fall into black n white thinking. How loyal he is to those close to him and how much he cares. The balance between his own feeling n his morals. The parallels w Mathias n Sara n Rinaldo. And just hmmmgjsgkwkgd my poor boi

I can't decide if i want him to recover from the LoI events or if I want him to be consumed by his traumas and thirst for revenge but in any case he goes into the blender *puts him into a sock w stones and smacks him against the walls multiple times*

Also, salt warning here but i feel like fandom either exaggerates his neg traits and acts like Mathias descent into madness ("hello church can i abandon our very important military campaign to be at home w my best friend. He needs cuddles n emotional support that will surely fix him. No it's not gay dont worry. Thanks :)"), Sara getting sealed into the VK (which she insisted on and convinced him despite his initial refusal) n the Belmont clan's burden (he did got them into monster hunting w the whip but there's no way he knew how bad things were gonna get) were all 100% his very well informed fault; Or makes him into an idiot sunshine boi who doesn't knows what death is (he's an undefeated warrior with a who knows how large body count) can't think or lead (he maintained the company undefeated during Mathias' illness) and a perfect innocent n easy to manipulate uke for his sexy older seme (I'm not saying they canonically fucked you can perfectly interpret their relationship as 100% platonic or having something but deciding to respect their girls or etc etc. But if they did the nasty then he had to rail Mathias at least a couple of times). I admit im veeery biased and picky regarding this balance but still. He has facets i say

Sara

Yes my anger girl. Let her commit crimes. I wanna write a post abt her but to resume i love her as a symbol of destroyed innocence (ha). A sweet gal who did helped everyone and was good n nice and disliked violence only to have her life ruined in so many ways that her inner frustration blooms into a divine wrath n bloodthirst. Like i said before I adore her relationship w Leon and how they made eachother better n then worse :). Plus, the manual describes her as strong hearted! She obviously loved Leon n was happy to see him! sacrificed her life in order to not turn into a vampire and instead stop Walter from harming more innocents! She has agency and her choice was crucial not only for Mathias convoluted plan but for the whole cycle. (Ppl stop forcing the "boring 100% sweet harmless never angry gal who always got dragged around by men as an object" archetype on her challenge. Yes i used to be like that but i got gud. If i can recover so others can)

And then she had to see how Mathias betrayed her n Leon and then tried to take him, and dealt w the mess that post-canon Leon was, both together but separated, furious and crushed on the other's behalf, until his death :). AND then she had to wait hundreds of years to avenge him only to have to kill the same bastard over and over and over again. Mix in vampire corruption and you have a caring but toxic Belmont Matriarch/Whip stuck in the cycle. So yea let her have negative emotions and commit crimes (Sorry John).

[xatsperesso]

i have the theory that both Ali and Iruma are Delkira reincarnation.

Ali is the incarnation of Delkira's magic and knowledge. Even if name is the reverse of Delkira.

Iruma is his human reincarnation.

Baal says that Iruma has Delkira's mana, but when Iruma uses the ring it's the magic of Sullivan or a magic that he absorbs with it. But here it's confirmed that Delkira's mana is here.

It's very likely that Ali will "fuse" with Iruma at a point. To save him probably. It's also likely that Iruma will become a demon at a point.

We can't have Iruma being outlived by everyone, right?

It could explain why Sabro's dad told him "you can't be king" because he knows that Delkira will get reincarned (or he's already) and maybe he's the one to have made the ring(s?) of glutonny.

Also I think that, for a human, staying in the demon world, eating demon food, being exposed to demon magic...can have effects on the body.

That, or Baal will kidnap him a point and experiment of him, turning him into a demon for his plans but his plans will fail.

what do you think?

So let's agree that I'm selfish ok? And that i already don't like where the story is going but im too attached to the characters to drop the manga, that i want the story to continue having this carefree air around it, and i want iruma to just stay human and everyone accepts that and like sullivan gives him a longevity potion or something

Moving on

That is a very good theory, but im gonna be very sad if ali and iruma fused because 1- iruma's personality could change cause iruma and ali have very different personalities, and 2- no more ali, which would break my heart cause i believe he doesn't appear that much already and i really love his relationship with iruma

It's like a mentor-student relationship but like more casual.

And iruma becoming a demon would solve all his problems, but wont that make him not iruma? In their eyes, iruma is the least demon-like 'demon' they've ever met, and that's a big part of his charm.

Because he's a human, the purest, kind-hearted human, he accepted Sullivan's offer of becoming his grandchild, he became Clara's friend without exploiting her abilities. He became his teacher's master, and never even thought about using him or treating him in anyway but utmost respect, to the point that Kalego later on gave him the choice whether to keep him as a familiar or not

If it was anyone else in his shoes everything would be vastly different, and I'm not talking about any other demon, if any other being was to be put in his shoes at any point during the story, things would've been vastly different.

Only iruma would've just gotten up and saved everyone at kirio's arc without a hint of fear, anger or betrayal.

Only iruma went headfirst into danger to save children. The others only went after they saw iruma's ass run to certain death. Even Balam-sensei was with them, but what made them help? Iruma

Only iruma was able to help purson get out of his shell, or stuck with Bachiko's hell traing/humiliation

That was iruma

And a part of iruma is his humanity. And him becoming a demon could cost him his humanity, so iruma would no longer be the nice, considerate angel he is

If the others dont know of his human nature, then they will notice a difference

If they know, would they regret the change iruma went through? Would they wish for the old iruma to come back? I hope they do

And Baal being the reason he changed? Baal experimenting on iruma, if done right, would be devastating. Unlike if sullivan did something or Ali, Baal wouldn't give a fuck about iruma. He wouldn't care if it hurt him, broke him, or killed him. He actually might prefer for the process to hurt him, which is one of the reason i really want kirio to betray him if iruma was caught in there hands. But baal catching iruma and experimenting on him would just be perfectly angst

Also, about Sabro's father, would he be able to keepsuch sensitive information to himself? And would delkira really plan to be reincarnated? He strikes as the type of carefree secretly scary king who's just bored of it all and would rather not be the king a second time

But we didn't really see a lot of him, so who knows? Maybe the thing we saw until now was very biased by sullivan and Amduscias, and tge memories are nothing like the actual delkira

And this is a good theory of why Sabro's father doesn't want him to aim for the demon king, and the only reason I've found, so until we find more of Sabro's family, that'll be the leading theory to me.

But honestly what i really hope has happened is that is that delkira became trapped in his ring for whatever reason and iruma's his 'chosen one' for whatever reason.

But like i want the reasons to be nonsensical, like "are you serious" kinda reasoning behind his imprisonment and iruma being chosen

The type of reasoning that'd make kalego pinch his nose and opera to look disappointed

[seyfertgalaxy]

more rants! and i dont expect *this* one to get any attention but i need to get this out Somewhere.

King Clawthorne. one of the main characters, part of the most important characters(if not THE most important), a literal titan and probably the last one alive. a god. yet, hes still a child. a very young one, approximately eight years old.

and i don't have much to say, as im tired, but he has loads of trauma that is either disregarded or skimmed over. most of that trauma is traced back to being a titan however. and its very clear that he isnt even very.. pleased.. with just the idea of being a titan. he hates it.

"titan help us" from Darius. of which King replies with "I'll try my best". Darius not even being aware of King being a titan, and his comment not even being directed toward King. this poor kid already has so much pressure on his shoulders, so much responsibility at such a young age, and its all so sudden. and the fact his family is dead? his entire species? it was thought to be entirely extinct, and theres literal titan hunters out there, looking for King. the last titan alive. a baby titan.

those same titan hunters almost "sacrificed" him to the collector, someone they consider to be their god. and King wasnt even aware, he was more focused on finding his family and playing catch with someone who resembled his dead father. but even that wasnt true.

those "titans" were just the titan hunters in disguise. we know this as its revealed, and its sad. they didn't even bat an eye about wanting to kill King, they saw no issue with it. Hooty says "are titans even evil?" after some crazy dudes intentions are almost revealed as selfish and just delusional. but the rest of them are already too deep in to change their ways, so after questioning it, they just move on and continue with what they had originally planned to do. kill King(they didnt succeed thankfully).

and MORE things that i dont have the patience to add on. sorry.

but think about this one 'small' detail: those titan hunters used the dead titans' skulls as disguises. and King wasnt even aware until accidentally taking one off of a man, revealing that fact. and his expression was just.. pure fear and confusion.

and also King's expression here after being told the news by Luz:(