#im saying when i see my other posts take off when theyre about white people you notice when they dont for the black character

[gale-dekarios]

im not saying all of my posts are bangers, but its hard not to notice that posts i make about other companions easily break 100 notes no sweat, with the upper limit breaching 1k, to outliers of well over 4k, but whenever it's about wyll, it's crickets. i dunno, youre allowed to interact with anything you want to, and this isnt a call to reblog from me, specifically, this is the same for a lot of wyll orientated posts ive seen, but its just odd. and by odd i mean racist.

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

okay so normally when i make informative posts about current news, i try to always link a source for it (i tend to rely on the guardian) or at least explain the source of it.

but i dont know if the government are planning to publicise this or quietly implement it so im hesitant to give details on where i got this info. im just gonna say it was from someone/s who works in the department of work and pensions, and hope that my prior post history speaks well enough of me for you to trust that this isnt misinformation.

i dont like doing this but i think this information is too important for me not to share it and said info is fucking disgusting.

starting in march, in the uk, if you ask at the job centre for a voucher for a local foodbank, you are going to be turned away.

under the current system, if you go to a job centre that has a food bank referral service, the staff will fill in a slip (theyre advised not to call it a voucher but tomayto tomarto you know?) and refer you to a local charity which will allocate you food according to the slip.

that ends on march 1st. after that, they will just hopefully signpost you to other services that can help you get an emergency food parcel. that will likely involve you having to travel somewhere, potentially on a public transport, costing you more money that you dont have. and that does not guarantee that you will get the food you need either that day or at all.

our government does not care about its citizens, but especially not about us who are poor. they see the working class, the impoverished and the homeless as subhumans. they see us as what new right sociologist and white nationalist libertarian charles murray coined the underclass.

and you know this because of how the current system will be working from now until the end of february because if youre gonna stab someone while theyre bleeding to death, you might as well double tap it, ay?

from now until february 29th, you now must have an interview so that they can be "sure" that you need that food.

bear in mind that this does not cost the government anything. they are not losing money because of this service, if you want to call it that.

and that interview? that could take up to 3 days; its whenever they have a timeslot within 3 days of your asking. you could go in and say "i have no money and i have no food, i havent eaten for days, please help," and they could tell you to come back in three days, and then not even give you that slip of paper anyway.

this could kill someone. yes, it takes longer than three days to starve to death, but if someone is struggling that much to need help acquiring food, theyre gonna have more problems going on. people might choose food over heating and freeze to death; they might decide to eat food thats gone off and end up dying from it because they couldnt call 999 because they didnt have electricity; they might decide to try and injure themselves so bad that they have an extended stay in hospital as a way to get food and die in the process; they might not have eaten in weeks and starve to death.

but hey, if you do pass the interview process, youll get the referral you needed up to three days ago and a discussion about how better to manage your finances, because hey, youve already stabbed the stabbed person two more times, why not twist the fucking knife?

[gwaaaaar]

breaking my silence...

whoever told me the second half of death note was trash... YOURE WRONG YOURE WRONG YOURE WRONGGGGGG 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 MELLO AND NEAR ARE WORTHY SUCCESSORS TO L YOURE JUST A STAN!!!!

near... sweet jesus baby they didnt deserve you !!! I was so pleasantly surprised to see how distinct he was despite people calling him "white haired L". LIKE hes a lot more cautious than L but isn't above being a sarcastic little shit and actively causing problems... i read a fan translation and he uses a lot of cuss words to refer to certain people he dislikes. I dont know if thats in the official translation as well but i do like the visual of this 7 yo saying "asshole" and "dickhead". I know hes 17-18 and this is average teenage behavior but gah hes so cute and moe and make little "vrooooom" noises when playing with his toys... 🥺 cant help but stan. Hes in his zone unbothered...

AND THE FACT HE CHALLENGES LIGHT IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE SO BLATANTLY... no mind games no time for light to make his next move just fuck it we ball. Also very fond of the scene where he drops hundred dollar bills off the SPK building. He's unpredictable just like Mello is but in a different way and its fascinating i love this guy. Also enjoy the fact that his flavor of justice is that he doesnt really have one hes just doing his job. The verbal beatdown he does at the end about how lights just a crazy serial killer... GET HIS ASS NEAR !!! Hes not pretentious and its just... its just good you know? L wasn't very pretentious but he does call himself justice sometimes and stuff along the like(?) Near drops all pretense... cant help but stan

Also really fond that he actually likes mello its just mello doesnt like him... I know canon never explicitly states their relationship with each other, like if its a brotherly relationship or not (altho isnt there some cain and abel parallels??? Not sure). But i really do see a siblinglike relationship between the two. Canon doesnt really put any angst on their relationship bc near doesnt care lolol, but the two do remind me of certain siblings that have a strained relationship because of the pressure put on one of them (or on both. Again fuck wammys house all my homies hate wammys AND WATARI!!! ME WHEN I GET YOU!!!) I really would love to see the two interact... and maybe just be happy by each other/pl. Because god it really terrible to see how much mello hates near and its not even nears fault :,). AND FUCK THE CHOCOLATE BAR HE EATS AT THE END TO HONOR MELLO???? STOPPPP IM GONNA CRY... near the man that you are... they dont deserve you baby...

And smello... mello mello mello... I've heard more positive things about him compared to near bc hes more "interesting" and i can see why people take that angle BUT. God they still undersell him so much??? I feel like hes one of the few characters to have a goal besides catching Kira (or not getting caught) because of his inferiority complex. I do not mean to undersell any of the other characters when i say this because theyre all very complex! They all have their driving goals and the like. Its just that i argue that Mello's is more persistent and that it is not centered around the conflict but rather himself. Even if he caught Kira perhaps he would still never be happy with himself because Near is always "going to be better" because of the shit he went through in wammys. Theres a whole discussion to be had abt the ethics of wammys house... but ill save that for another post wwww.

Mello is also someone that isnt pretentious about his idea of justice bc hes a fucking criminal. (BTW i love the two opposing sides of the successors... one that tries falling within the law but still doesnt give a shit and the other that doesnt give any shits at all and eventually helps the law.) And its so... I LOVE YOU RUTHLESS CHARACTERS I LOVE YOU CHARACTERS THAT STOP AT NOTHING TO GET WHAT THEY WANT.

And the thing is ... Mello does have his own sense of justice because its not as if he sacrifices innocent bystanders to get what he wants he just does what is necessary. LIKE ofc its fucked up that he kidnapped sayu (and traumatized her...), takada (and the stripping... but at least she got a blanket:,) honestly tho id blame that on the misogyny of the authors) and the director of the police im not about to be a mello apologist (yes i am/j). But a. He probably knew no one was going to get hurt in the first place because hes just that damn confident. b. His remorse for matt and soichiros deaths show that he doesnt intend on sacrificing anyone and when things go astray it saddens him a little. And c. THE FACT HE PROBABLY KNEW HE WAS GONNA DIE AND STILL SACRIFICED HIMSELF TO HELP NEAR... near would "win" but mello prioritized putting kira behind bars and while i cant guess his motive, from my end it does seem like in extension he prioritized doing the right thing, which would be to sacrifice his life and pride to help near get the final piece to catch mikami... wow what a man im so deathly ill

After typing all this, i must say... is L really as complex as years of DN fans have said?? I think im about to get crucified for this opinion, but legitimately is he??? I think he is complex most certainly just... maybe not as much as others have said... i might just be missing details about his past + lore from external media so maybe thats why i have this opinion. But i feel like the successors *are* toe to toe with him despite their split screen time... idk tho :3 this is just my thoughts meow

[blueiight]

1. Which kink do you think Louis would have that would surprise Lestat?

2. Do you think this fandoms racism has become more obvious due to Louis being a black creole person? Like I feel like people are more aggressive when they say Louis is top because he’s “rough” and Lestat is this dainty pillow broad.

1) i think it would take a lot to surprise lestat sexually [my dude a #BigOleFreak] but the one thing thatd somewhat unnerve him at first is lou breeding kink.. lestat has a very hobbled relationship w being the architect of creation meanwhile louis is like begging to be bred and plugged up so the baby can take. lestat would come around to it & meanly tease lou about it tho :3 if anything i feel like lestat is the one w/ hyperspecific kinks that unnerve louis and take him more time to get used to [we talmbout virginal catholic pimp who despite selling sex and being the voyeur to numerous sexual encounters, his only actual sexual experiences were handjobs & secretly getting head from younger guys prior to les… les got freudian relations & semi normal (nicki) relations, hes been w / men and women before, hes a real freak. i think lestat is a bratty vers whos dom top ways r activated in the presence of louis omega pillow princess pheromones lol]

2) when ppl hear an accusation of a ‘racism’, their only thoughts is some caricature of a confederate/nazi/klan member screaming that they dont want ‘woke’ [if not using the racial slur w/o the euphemism] vampires. when in reality, racism manifested in fan spaces which are predominately composed of white women / white lgbt w/ #blm stickers or bio posts, who have black friends, maybe have even dated or fucked somebody black, manifests as the beliefs they have internalized bc of cultural messaging around black people. their inability to recognize & analyze evident traits in black charas, the inability to relate to the ‘other’, shoving characters who r not such at all into these narrow stereotypes of the mandingo archetype, the stoic black brute, etc. etc. so when they hear us say ‘fandom racism’, they seem to think we’re calling them klan members & personally insulting them. diverting an observation on trends & cultural messaging to personal feelings, so a bystander can go omg how could u do that :( like i said, idrk or care for low bar discourse or throwing shit on ppl but i do think its funny to see ppl make les a dainty delicate waif off 1 hate sex scene that we dont even rly see all the way c. the other scenes we see lol. so they project onto les cuz hes more relatable to them simply cuz theyre both white? my friend who never even watched just knows of it cuz im aggy af mind u made a profound comment i find applicable w les in both book& show verse

‘[its] the contrast between a public show of subversive bi male femininity versus a domestic/private bi male masculinity—that truly applies to a lot of white gays…putting on the performance of gender non conformity but not actually being equitable in your domestic behaviors and simply reifying gendered violence’

nb ppl r more readily able to apply/recognize gnc ~traits~ in pale skin that may or may not be there. i compare les to david bowie & prince bc those men were gnc in performance but very typical to the role of ‘Man’ in their interpersonal& real lives.

& idt louis is that too gnc in his appearance neither, he still favors suits in his heyday yet in dubai has this androgynous unsettling plain black wardrobe. very cold cutting feminine eartha kitt grace jones type appearance/role he plays in this second interview v. the boyish swagger of a typical 1970s black man he puts on in divisadero in sanfran. but he subverts gendered racial stereotypes moreso in his dynamic w nb partners as black men r expected to be overpowering & domineering. where louis holds up gendered racial stereotypes/dynamics as a black man imo is w/ claudia & miss lily, 2 black women, emotionally and physically extracting from the bw in his life and making claudia make the decisions he cant bring himself to do. sorry if this got a lil off topic lol

[rimaurimau]

the whole 1975 thing pisses me off. people cant seem to comprehend that this isnt some black and white situation where its just homophobia because its so much more than that. i couldnt care less if he jacked off on stage, the problem is that he did this in a country thats incredibly queerphobic and because of that is incredibly strict on what bands can play here and what they can and cant do/say. We malaysians don't get alot od international bands as is, so bands like this and the strokes coming here of all places in our shit hole country is huge. but him saying and doing all that did this:

- cancelled the entire event because our government caught wind of it and shut it down after the first night when it was supposed to go on for 3

- probably made the rules and restrictions for bands to play here even tighter

- made other bands hesitant to play here

- maybe even tightened up the laws on queer people here in general, even more worse than they already are

- possibly put a lot of queer malaysians in general in danger because if the pigs suddenly decided to investigate the event further and question the organisers or people who attended and those people happened to be queer and they found out? theyre going straight to jail because that's how queer people are treated here by our government

yeah there are a good chunk of people here angry purely because of homophobia, that fact isnt something that can be denied or glossed over. but the most important thing here is the queer people that are gonna be put in danger. we're already consistently used as a political scape goat. but now we've finally started to take baby steps in the right direction of progress after finally electing the first pm in our history thats leftist (when in reality he's centrist at best) and now with how matty healy behaved and what he said, our governments fear of queer people have been confirmed and we might be in even more hot water. they've already discussed about making being queer a mental illness and this might give them the push to confirm everything.

what he did did nothing but do bad. we didnt need some white guy to tell us how oppressed we are, how queer people are ridiculed discriminated and abused, trust me buddy, we've lived here all our lives, we know, we dont need any white saviour telling us this.

people will scoff at countries like Malaysia because of how queerphobic it is and simply throw any empathy and kindness out the window, but people seem to forget that this queerphobia exists for a reason. the queerphobia here exists because WE exist, because WE QUEER MALAYSIANS EXIST. it doesn't just exist just because, they're hateful of us because we are here, they're hell bent on getting rid of us because we are here.

I've seen some people say "then just don't get international bands" why? why dont we get to have the opportunity to see the bands we like? why dont we get to have fun? what makes so inherintly lesser that we dont get to indulge in stuff like this like people from other countries do? we already are barred from being openly queer, is it so much to ask that we just want to have a good time by seeing bands we love? do we not deserve that just because people think our government and the shit heads here represent our entire country, acting like theres absolutely no queer communities here constantly fighting for our right to exist? is that why people think so lowly of us?

queer malaysians are now in danger and our progress have been set back 50 steps thanks to matty healys "activism". I understand that he did it in good faith, but it just came off as entitled, privileged and selfish, especially with how he handled it after the fact.

if you're here to argue or insult me on this post, dont bother, im blocking you. im not wasting my time.

[kiruliom]

aghhhh the opinions on the new tumblr gif pfps are so divided and it makes me so uncomfy :(

I get both sides, one one hand its extra exciting to have your pfp move, personally it gives me the same rush to see it that it does when watching an animation I did over and over again. on the other hand people will definitely put seizure inducing gifs as their avatar, and that can take lives if not ruin them. but g o d have some nuanced opinions people not everything is black and white and I know its hard to face that because I have both autism and bpd and both make it hard to accept not everything is black and white for me.

we dont need to remove animated avatars, even if youre worried about yourself or those around you (which is super fair), you gotta admit, this is awesome, theyre free!! FREE!!! idk any other mainstream-ish websites that will let you have that shit at all let alone for free (with discord being the exception but fuck discord tbh).

what we do need though is two things

change the preferred file choice for it from webp to gif (or even apng), as its way too easy to slip malicious code into webp and apperantly tumblr has had problems with it before

and, obviously, an easily available option that turns the gif avatars off. one that asks you at the launch of the website, not in some super secret settings you need to scroll through to find.

so what the fuck can you do? email the staff!!! be professional, but determined, ask for these two changes above, threathen your account, say something like "I have epilepsy/Im close to people with epilepsy and I wont be able to continue to use or monetarily support your site if there isnt an option to turn off the animations for gif avatars, for my/my friends' safety". I don't care if its true or not, the staff wont notice if youre lying or not. hell maybe give them a criticism sandwich (compliment the staff/site, give your criticism, end it with another compliment towards staff/site) since we all know theyre babies that cant handle criticism unless youre also sucking their dick.

review bomb them!! give 1 star reviews on the app store and voice your worries about it there.

do NOT tag staff though, that can get this post deleted, or worse, and it wont do shit otherwise on the animated avatar situation, it never helped.

[dappersautismcreature]

hey sorry this is super outta nowhere but i was scrolling thru the mcytconfessions blog n saw you saying youre a wilbur hater and im genuinely curious as to why?

this isnt me waiting to like. white knight him and bite your face off btw. i like wilbur but this *is* genuine curiosity pls dont be afraid lmfaoksdsdfkhf

ah yeah, sorry nonnie, and no worries. sorry for the rant ahead i just wanna lay it all out.

listen, its pure vibes, i dont really have an explanation for it. i liked him just generally for a while, but i watched a video where he talked about american gun control and it just came off super uck to me. like, a lot of british lefties have this weird thing where they will assume americans are all stupid just for kicks when we've actually been indoctrinated to think the way we do. i guess i just dont like seeing brits have political takes that are just pure "america needs to get its shit together" cause yeah bro we know, focus on whatever the fuck is up with ur government please. I feel like if i talked politics with wilbur soot he would be condescending as shit and basically explain to me what socialism is or whatever when its like, dude,, please. british lefties think they know more than the average young american, which is most of the time not true, or not something to insult someone over. (this is also because he reminds me of a shitty ex friend who was in the states for AMERICAN STUDIES but would just talk on and on and on about how dumb americans were -___-)

and its more than that, i never get idolization of people, like, online people. the closest ive come to it was technoblade maybe? gtws is pretty awesome too, bbh is low level idolization maybe. so it weirds me out when people are just in awe over him, makes my instincts go wild. im really not accusing him of anything, i know this is just the silly brain reacting silly. it just weirds me out. his fans do not know him, nobody's fans know the person, and yet they act like they do, and like he's gods gift to leftism and queerness when he is,, a cishet maybe-aro upperclass man from britain. nothing against him really.

oh, and his fans tick me off because theyre ALWAYS inserting him into things and just. listen, i dont like having to scroll through tons of wilbur fics in the qsmp tag when im just trying to get to some badboyhalo or etoiles centric fics. the man has been on the qsmp for like less than a week of playtime and he's the fourth most tagged character on the qsmp ao3 tag.

not to mention he gets dragged into other plots like "what if this actually happened to wilbur!" or "yeah but what if wilbur was there!" or my most hated "cant wait till this character meets wilbur because i cannot enjoy this media (which is about finding and enjoying a bunch of ccs) if it doesnt have my guy in it!" like i get it, you have a hyperfix or a special interest, ive been there, but maybe then go watch stuff he's actually in, instead of forcing him into a plot he really isnt that big a part of anymore.

people also praised his dsmp writing when it was,, average at best. honestly i think bbh's and the eggpire's writing did way more for the dsmp because they actually tried to include other people in the plot as much as possible, instead of just writing for you and a few of your friends. imo, c!wilbur was an ok character, like, nothing bad, but nothing extraordinary for me. utah is death, ok buddy got it, wow, insane. yeah yeah we've all been to the soul sucking pit of utah, haha i get it. << this is just pure salt ignore that lmao

oh and lovejoy didnt fuckin invent political indie rock, people need to get over themselves on that one.

so yeah, its just a thing of, i cant really bring myself to like him. the brain goes wonky when he's around. kinda wish i didnt like, get angry when he's on screen but idk i cant really stop myself. nothing againstt you if you like him, ill usually tag anyy wilbur neg with #wilbur crit so if you wanna mute that tag. i dont post it too often tho.

[greasydumbfuck]

TRIPLY WHAMMY: The Monstrous, 🕸, and then I couldn't decide on the cat one so Tabby AND White Cat :3c

I guess that makes this a QUADRUPLE WHAMMY but that rolls off the tongue less good

math was never our strong side lets just say its cuz its from three different games. thanks for the ask babes xoxo The Monstrous this one is funny to me because as far as i know canonically frank gets to be at least two supernatural creatures. collecting that shit like he does other men's wives. anyway im not gonna be creative here and ill just say werewolf. big hairy often commits murder in a messy way and ends up covered in blood. but also there are so many long texts about how misunderstood the werewolf is as a figure. so like it fits in my mind. maybe if i got a long list of all mythical creatures and spent an hour reading it id come up with something more creative but this works too no?

🕸️

(song that reminds you of your ship) LIKE THREE actually none of them very extraordinary brave choices but im gonna go for the funniest one out of them black and white by kombi. the polish one. yeah. because okay listen. one thats just his color palette. haha. the song itself is about seeing the world in only those colors which is also very him. "life has no middle ground // love rule and divide" like okay do you hear me. please. i love assigning polish songs to fictional characters.

Tabby (are they snuggly?) right so i think meta menardi gets very cuddly and affectionate with frank because shes overwhelmed a little......... by what she feels. and now this is where it gets tricky for me because like. its not that he doesnt like it. its not that he exactly likes it either. its weird. its unusual. it takes up so much of his time for no reason and hes always got better things to do than this. but also once shes hugging him he doesnt really want to leave because as much as he dislikes it and he hates how soft she always is with him, its so... nice. so uh i guess point being meta is snuggly as hell, maybe less so when sleeping, frank isnt for the most part at least not actively but as time goes on both his enjoyment of and how bad he feels about the affection grow. ARGH i have a lot of thoughts about this specifically but i cant put them into words ever. their whole thing is just a bit complicated but in an entirely different way than frank is used to by that point. plus the more he genuinely likes her in any way the less he wants to stay because yeah sure she has some powers but she is NOT used to the level of danger he brings (the place she's a spider-person for is relatively chill) and hes reminded of that every time she holds him in any way. he likes having his arms around her in some way (standing behind her, keeping her by his side etc) and her favorite is cradling his head to her chest. like a baby. he doesnt like when she puts it like that.

White Cat (are the f/os eyes striking?) i said it once under some post but like hes got that fucking. blue-eyed people stare. so in that way yes. but also since its frank the look in his eyes is almost always a little unsettling. because of the uh you know. the war trauma and the murder trauma and the violent tendencies overall. but meta likes them, she likes the little changes in them depending on what hes thinking. subtle but there and shes always soo proud of herself to catch them. also to me (and by extension to her ahaha) hes just. in some strange way. real pretty. in turn frank doesnt think metas eyes are "striking" exactly but he does thing they fit her a lot. theyre round, warm, and with a look of naivety. like they are by all logic so common and so unremarkable really (which is fitting because nearly everything about her is - she is the common cave spider afterall!) but theres this softness in the way she looks at him that makes it special. shame she doesn't like him seeing them though.

sorry for yapping this came out longer than i wanted it to but im just so desparate to share things and do things and have them be percieved. yeah

[caseythebunnyboy]

Hi, I hope you're doing well when you see this! Just wanted to say thank you for existing haha. I found your blog when you just started and it was sort of an interesting thing. I'd really really started questioning and recognizing things about myself a few months before and your blog just popped up on my feed one day. I never followed until just now, I kinda just lurked and came back every few days or so (this literally sounds so creepy im so sorry) and each time i saw your posts I'd be like "damn well we think the same". I'm also poc too and I don't see many poc trans guys so you're sort of a role model. I'm not able to get any sort of gender affirming items or care so I kinda just live vicariously through your posts haha. Still figuring myself out but your blog has been very helpful for me, so thank you!

hello, anon! i also hope youre doing well, and thank you! 💜💜 the fact that youve been here since the beginning and ive made such an impression that you still stayed means alot to me. nothing wrong with questioning yourself either, if i helped you in any capacity to find who you are, or helped make you feel more comfortable with yourself then thats extremely touching. cant believe a blog i originally made just to horny post is actually helping people, but im happy about that! definitely not complaining! 🐇

(rest under the cut! have a lot to say but taking up dashboard space makes me nervous)

its not creepy at all, actually! ive noticed a pattern of some of my anons sending me an ask, saying theyre sorry if they come off as creepy, when nothing in their ask even made me slightly uncomfortable. i thank you for being considerate of my feelings, but i assure you i dont find you creepy, no need to worry about that! 💜 side note, being relatable to other people is actually something i find great joy in, because it lets me know im not alone in how i think and act! it gives me comfort 😊

and that poc part hit me pretty hard. i rarely ever see other queer poc, which genuinely does make me feel isolated in the community sometimes, knowing im not white like a majority of other queer people are. its hard, especially when youre not exactly the most common type of poc either. i had almost no other people to look up to that were also like me, so it truly does mean alot that i can be the person other poc look up to instead. for that, i thank you.

if it makes you feel any better, im pre-everything! the country i currently live in has almost no gender affirming care, mainly because my country is LARGELY religious. luckily, there is a high chance ill be moving out soon to a place with better access to trans healthcare, which makes me excited! but if that comforts you that ive also had no medical treatmemts yet, then yay! another thing we have in common hehe 💜

nothing wrong with still trying to untangle things either, im so glad i could help in any capacity, and if you have any questions then please feel free to send me another ask! 😊 i also wouldnt mind you becoming one of my emoji anons, id really like that, actually! so, if you wanna be one, then id love to reserve an emoji for you 💜 thats all, i hope you have a great day, and that maybe ill hear back from you! 💜

[thoughts-and-gayers]

ive been thinking about civil rights recently, specifically trans rights, as thats a marginalized group im a part of thats actively being hurt. i see people talking about the awful things done to trans people, the hate speech, the bills signed into law that make it dangerous for us to even exist. its terrifying to me, to think that im going to be leaving high school and entering a world that actively wants to kill me.

i just watched jessie gender's multi-hour video on jk rowling, and it articulated so many of my thoughts about transness in our. current society that i had no idea how to say. one thing she emphasized was how talking about these specific people, these little one-off incidents, is counterproductive. obviously things like hogwarts legacy and "what is a woman" matter, but should we really be talking about them as much as we are when anti-trans bills are passed faster than we can keep track of?

the way our society is right now, short and snappy thoughts about those tiny 24 hour stories are the only thing that gets attention. when you talk about trans rights, youre saying "dont support harry potter", youre not saying "stop the us government from actively hurting trans people".

but people dont listen when you talk about the big stuff. talking about the latest drama is much more entertaining than talking about the actual horrors that people are facing. we're at a point where we can call pointing and laughing at bigots a form of activism.

its so much easier not to learn about the deeper issues. for non-marginalized folk especially, supporting the marginalized celebrity is a lot easier than addressing systematic issues. but we dont get that privilege. we have to go to bat for the big shit, with or without allies. we dont get the luxury, the privilege, of not taking the time to understand and address bigotry and its sources.

im so tired. its exhausting even just learning about everything thats happening. and im not out of high school yet, so theres not a lot i can actually do out there. im trying to learn everything i can about everything thats happening, and its just so exhausting, all the time. on top of that, i also spend my energy on educating other people, trying to get them to understand what's taken me hours of work to get to myself.

and as a white person, i cant even imagine how much harder it must be for POC, especially when they exist at intersections of queerness, womanhood, disability, and/or more. im trying my best to learn about specific struggles that don't necessarily apply to me, but theres so much that a lot of the time i dont even know where to start.

cis, straight, male, white, abled, allo; people who fall under these dont have an obligation to learn about any marginalized group theyre not a part of, especially if theyre not a part of any of them. but they can still go online and say "fuck celebrity x" and get lauded as the pinnacle of allyship. they can make short, snappy, performative displays of their helpfulness without putting in any of the work to actually help. they have the privilege to do so. i as a white person have the privilege to do so, even if i try not to.

im so scared to go out into the world after i graduate and face all these inequalities, to try and deal with the horrors that high school and the internet have only been a small taste of. the most i can do is learn as much as i can before then, but i lose the motivation to every day when theres so little i can do to help; when the people who can help choose to do nothing anyway.

and this post, the closest thing my hungover ass can get to an in-depth analysis, likely wont get any attention at all. its not short, its not snappy, its not entertaining. its just a teenage nonbinary lesbian ranting about existential dread for way longer than he probably should have. and no, this isnt me begging for a reblog otherwise youre a bad person. saying stuff like that doesnt help anyway, since people would just snuff it out of spite instead of looking at the overall message. its just the way things are, not just here but everywhere.

im just so scared, and tired, and sad, and angry, all the fucking time.

[selamat-linting]

parts 2 of my previous homestuck post, now on to the things i find silly!

-yaoi tournament will live free forever in my head. so as the horse cock. this is the worst thing hussie has ever done. i legit did not know it was an actual horse cock like i think it was just a giant blue dildo 😭😭😭😭

-the dancestors are really lame people like oh my god. beforus kids are giant dorks i cant believe their alternia counterparts are so badass like, take aranea and mindfang. just look at the contrast. first one is a nerd who would pay people for attention and the other is a girlboss who doesnt give a shit.

-one thing i do like from kankri is that he gave us plenty if funny karkat suffers joke. i love how this loser makes karkat do the walter white face lmaoooo he just cant get a break is he?

-and penis ouija!!! god why is he like that? everytime karkat is on screen i feel secondhand embarrassment like. i cant believe i shared classpects with this guy. why are you biting dave's cape are you in kindergarten? worst of all i think i've done something similarly embarrassing in school. thats it im changing my classpect im a knight of light from now on fuck off.

-still, thats not as horrible as rose's fuckup with her date. oh my god somebody gives her a chill pill she is going to lick herself bald like a stressed kitten. which is really funny because she and kanaya seems so... not nervous when talking to each other. you'd think their date would be a normal casual discussion between two awesome self assured girls. No its not. theyre both have gotten good at looking like theyre not close to exploding. but we all know none of them are Hinged.

-And oh, tavris they are doing you both dirty. like, its an improvement that vriska actually says something positive to him and that tavros did speak up against her at some points. but the narrative doesnt really want them to grow as a person. i think hussie has gotten too attached to vriska the unapologetic thief of light to the point that its reflecting badly on her and other's character development. okay fine i did say i wont take it seriously, but im a writer too. ofc i will notice the issues.

- this might be an unpopular opinion but i like the elevatorstuck music. gamzee is like, getting close to be my scrunkly like i know he does atrocities but he is really funny when doing it.

-the lands for the alpha kids are really fascinating. its less lively than the beta kids but im glad i actually get to experience the puzzles they have to solve on quests and its relations with the players' classpect. i want to see jane fulfilling her planets wish to be green and fertile. she gets too much shit talk from caliborn so i want to see her get a win yknow? and she's so goofy like her beta counterpart i want to see her happy and silly like egbert too.

-speaking of egbert, im kinda worried for him. can you believe it? he doesnt like con air anymore. i've been in his phase of starting to lose all joy in things i used to like and feeling lonely even with people around me and its not pretty. i know he went through a lot. i hope the experience with the dream bubble would make him happier even if just for a bit

-and another beta kids i want to be sad about: davesprite! he's so alone. all of his friends from the timeline is gone, he's not the main dave anymore and john keeps treating him like a replacement. its like he's relegated to a nobody who happens to have a recognizable face. poor guy.

-and to be sad again, i know i made fun of karkat a lot, but i have the biggest parental instinct for him. aside from terezi. he's the biggest crier out of the group. he's shouty and annoying but thats very much the kind of annoying shit that children do yknow? at first i dont like him because of his attitude to jade, but slowly i did warm up to him. he never really hated anybody and most of his tantrums are generally harmless to other people. in fact, he blames himself a lot about things that are out of his control. he's the one with the least body count from the rest of the trolls and he literally had to grew up hunted and unwanted by society. i want to give him a hug, i truly do.

-okay back to fanboying. roxy!!!! shit. man i adore that she has an aura that makes any surveillance camera blackout nearby. yes, girl, BECOME UNGOVERNABLE.

-and i cant believe im saying this, but i miss sollux. at first i was just joking about finding him interesting because he has my star sign and is good at coding but yeah. i do miss the guy. where is he really?

[swampgallows]

the usual

im mad because im trying to read books again, specifically trying to pick up toxic parents and body keeps the score again so i can try and Help Myself basically now that im back in the limbo of having no therapist. but trying to concentrate on shit and hunker down and learn things when i know it’s good for me i swear it’s like a flashbang goes off in my brain and everything just whites out. ‘concentrate’ isnt even the right word for it because it’s like i cant even begin to get started. it’s like staring into the sun to even begin to think about stuff i guess, it’s all so overwhelming. i want so much about my life to change, so much, so badly, so drastically, but so much of it just doesnt feel feasible that it’s like ive implanted this mental block in my brain to even dream of change because it’s too caustic. 

that ‘autistic masking’ article about the boy who would build and paint his models at night then clean everything up so he left no trace of himself... i think about how much ive whittled myself down and have tried to take up very little space. how i dont play my music on speakers, dont draw anymore, basically only took up writing more because it was something that was between me and a notepad document and didnt take time the same way as drawing, and wasnt possible to immediately consume like a drawing (people grabbing my sketchbook and just flippantly turning the pages, skimming past drawings that took me hours in favor of minute long sketches, glancing at drawings that were supposed to express my deep feelings and having immediate reactions of disgust or ridicule)

i make kandi put it on a chain then put it away. it cant really go anywhere anyway, not like i’ll be attending raves again any time soon. i have no reason or place to wear my ‘fun clothes’ anymore. i wore what i thought was a cute outfit at christmas and even my immediate family had some shit to say about it. i wore a pair of stockings that ive had (and worn) since i was 14  years old. i wore them to my very first raver day at disneyland. and theyre surprised when i wear them now? like they havent seen them before????

even here i was about to say “i tire of myself” and close this window or hit post and stop here, but literally my blog is one of the only places i can actually express myself somewhere and send it out to a place where it’s seen. yeah i can write things down in my journal and ‘express myself’ there so that “personal stuff” isnt online but... i already do that. set up my models and paint them late at night, then put them away before anyone sees in the morning. djing only in my headphones at 4am, pulling them off periodically to make sure they arent too loud even through the headphones. lighting candles but opening the window so there isn’t “too much” scent. 

if im autistic or have adhd or some combination of the two, then my whole family is too and all undiagnosed (save for maybe my dad. i think he’s the closest one of us to being ‘normal’). i took that blorbo quiz and it asked “How would they describe themselves?” 

how would -i- describe myself? i dont know. people tell me im smart and funny. i think it’s because they cant think of anything nicer to say.

Part of me is still chasing the approval of all the world’s English teachers. Getting compliments on my writing makes me feel like my life matters. And I still struggle to ask for love and affection when a real, flesh and blood human is looking me in the face. It’s difficult for me to believe someone might care for me as an equal, and like things about me other than my intellect. I frequently have to remind myself I’m no longer a child, and don’t need approval of the “adults” anymore.

as long as im stuck living with my parents im going to perpetually be the child. it’s also really fucking frustrating knowing how ill prepared i am to live as an adult. even when i had a job i had to quit it so i didnt kill myself. i dont think just getting a job is the answer, though i know it’s a mandatory piece of the puzzle. ugh god

[birdblues]

I think the basic gist of it is that a lot of leftists are posting stuff like that in an effort to bolster the pro-Palestine movement, which is pretty misguided. Every genocide is uniquely terrible. Not only were many victims of the holocaust NOT white, but those who were white were not considered white at the time. Whiteness is being used to denote the oppressors, which makes sense, but also, whiteness in this case is conditional. When trying to draw attention to the horrors of other genocides, it is dangerous to attempt to downplay the holocaust into “standard imperialist behavior” or whatever. By essentially stating the holocaust wasn’t as bad as other genocides, we downplay the horror of genocide as a whole. When people say it was worse, whether this is accurate or not, they are typically referring to the processes used for genocide during the holocaust, which are different from some other genocides where people were not necessarily killed in as systematic a process. They typically do not mean to insinuate that the holocaust was bad because the victims were white. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who thought that. Basically saying “But this one was worse!!” Is a pointless statement to make and one which very easily leads to outright denial which many people posting these things already think(it’s kinda a dog whistle) It’s also creating a hostile environment for Jews like me (with family members who died in the holocaust) who want to support a free Palestine, and in this case, Jewish support is very necessary and meaningful. These view points just aren’t realistic or helpful.

By the logic of the tweets, I should be able to say the genocide in Palestine isn’t as bad because not as many people have been killed as in the holocaust.

Do these words help anyone?

I appreciate your curiosity and willingness to understand my views, thank you.

i definitely do see what you are saying but i also think what the person said in the original tweet about how the holocaust was the "single worst event in human history" is erasing a lot of awful things done in history. i think maybe the wording of the post could be changed for it to not sound like its downplaying the holocaust cause as i said i didnt read it that way. i can see why someone may see it that way though. i reblogged it because i think that there are other horrific atrocities committed in history that should be talked about more, instead of conversations only being about the holocaust. i think people dont know a lot about the dark and evil history of the world, it shouldnt be treated like an oppression olympics so people shouldnt be like "this event was number 1 most evil" like theyre all evil. im not intelligent enough to get my thoughts out in a better way but i appreciate you taking the time to explain your side to me. my intentions with reblogging were definitely not to deny or downplay the holocaust so i apologize that it came off that way.

[windebris]

HERE IT IS, THE LONG-AWAITED (its been an hour) Lonely King by CG5 analysis post!!!!! its a bit long so i’ll put it under a cut but hoooooooo boy its a good one.

We open on, instead of vultures in the desert, two (literal) ducks on the cacti and one duck (cq) in the desert. Theyre chirping. Its an implied sunrise, this is a new beginning for quack or at least He wants it to be; the sky is red, which is always a bad sign for future endeavors. 

Right off the bat the screen is divided into to parts, one shadowed and one light. In the shadowed part (left) its all unpacked boxes and unhealthy coping mechanisms (cough alcohol cough) and on the light half (right) hes got poker chips stacked up high and books and work. He wants to seem like hes got it all together, hes the king hes the boss hes got this. But really, hes struggling when no one bothers to look (ie the fiancés that left him [he left? Both] and the friends that dont check in)

the colored cards represent characters but the fact that he smashes through it right after is telling; id guess the ones at the very top are quackity & charlie, then foolish, purpled, and fundy underneath. The dark green id guess tubbo. You cant see it very clearly in the screenshot but the far bottom left is shades of gray, so id say schlatt, and the middle two are pink/yellow and green/white, so techno and dream. Far right is purple so im thinking karl. Wilburs gotta be in there somewhere, and so does sapnap so possibly the two in the more middle bottom area? Unsure about the yellow/green and solid blue near the top.

ANYWHO the reason i bring this up is that the ones right at the base, at the cornerstones and the center, are the traumatic people. No matter how far up he builds, cq’s very foundation is these experiences that he may not be able to see from the top, but he’ll always shake if theyre shifted.

The ones at the TOP are the ones he build Very Carefully, and with the purpose of Being At the Top, that Matters More and is Where he Is Now. this is what quack Wants people to see about him.

Here hes literally digging a grave for pictures of his enemies (schlatt and two turned away photos), (it juxtaposes with the lyrics being like ‘i was told i had to walk away [from my enemies]’ but the lyrical analysis is a Whole different post) but hes crying as he does so!!! It introduces the blue as a ‘this is what im feeling, it doesnt have to bring me control its what i am rn’ color, kind of an expression w/o limitations. Later that’ll express differently w the color but rn its the first time we see cq cry in the vid, and to my knowledge its the only time. I could be wrong about that tho. And he is Very Alone in this scene, theres no one to support him so hes Literally burying his trauma!!! Hence the never crying again!

I love all of these stills in the mirror bc he's reflected wearing the outfit associated with his time of 'owch' with the particular person overlaid in red over him (red = pain = success for the one dealing it out, hence the abundance of red in las nevadas bc he wants to be the one in control), but OWCH WHY KARL I LOVE KARL SO MUUUCH

i'll TELL YOU why karl it's because he fits Right in with the others in the sense that he was a Betrayal. schlatt was skeevy going in, but he was his husband he was meant to be at least Not-Bad, then Bam betrayal. Wilbur was meant to be his friend, was meant to be a fellow countryman, then Bam explosion. etc, so Karl not Only fits right in but is arguably the most stark and important bc of these flashes bc he's the only one that's only mentioned once, Here. bc cq doesn't see him as an enemy per se, like he clearly describes the others as. no, Karl is Pain, he is Red, he is Betrayal, but never an enemy (hence why he wasn't in the roulette spinner scene)

he's making himself a New Kind of villain PURPOSEFULLY!!!!!! HES WELL AWARE GOING INTO IT THAT THEYLL SEE HIM AS THE BAD GUY!!!! He Chooses to be the inflictor of pain rather than the one who takes the brunt of it bc it's the only way he can stay safe!!!!! that's why he hurts dream, he's stealing the 'smile' and the position bc when dream was in charge no one dared hurt him. no one dared. but quackity isn't red naturally!! his scar is a different color (barely noticeable) and the red on him (beanie, tie) are choices!! he Chose to wear those as opposed to before all of the server hardship when he Chose to wear blue (naivete? or maybe an unconscious hope that things would turn out good)

Theres a certain swagger that comes with choosing the ‘wrong’ path that i love about cq. Hes sauntering down to hell with a handbag full of golden poker chips and an even more golden smirk and tbh so girlboss of him

THERES NO HEART IN THE CARD SUITS IM GONNA CRY

Also! King imageryyyyy with the throne! It goes along with the title ‘lonely king’ because obvi its a throne, hes got the king thing going on, but also hes the only one in this frame. The colors are muted except for the red (pain, loneliness, control, what he seeks for so long but cant stand to have in reality) and some gold on the poker chip (illusion of control? Illusion of importance, surely) so hes Very Lonely

TRANSITION!!!!! before now the colors were All red and orange and white black brown and GOLD GOLD GOLD, but now we have variety, he's introducing friends, he has hope; the first time we see them they're suits on cards (earlier in video) but now they're pictures on a wall like important figures in his life (see: portraits of wil and schlatt except this time they're on the wall, unbroken, bc he so desperately Wants these ppl in his life) as distinct from pawns like initially (re: cards)

Also, notice that purp is the Only One not smiling! He holds a grudge (a well-deserved one, but hey this is cquacks perspective so im not gonna go into it here lol)

Here they are as the cards earlier; still have the color, still have the hope, but theyre impersonal. No faces beyond the bare minimum, and honestly those look pretty intimidating and blank. These are pawns, theyre workers, theyre something to be used. So when quackity swipes over them in red paint-its preeeetty clear he wants nothing to do with this newfound hope. Given this is earlier in the music vid (before the first pic i used, actually) its in character at that point; theres potential hope in these pawns, and thats gotta be stamped out with the red, the control, so he cant get hurt with them.

BACK TO THE TIME FRAME I WAS IN AND A L S O THE ESTABLISHED COLOR SCHEME which meeeeans somethings disrupted the relative safety, cq's settling down ain't gonna happen, mistrust has crept back in and we're unstable again hence the gold sparky sparks in las nevadas colors!!!! red, again, he wants control, but Gold is that legacy and prestige he sees everyone else get and it's falling apart (or about to) in front of him

quack is evilly grinning up at purp (notice the ‘up at’ as in hes below him in terms that purple has power OVER him but quack still wants to claim that sense of control), like oh yes stealing the dream motif again with the haha you can't get to me I don't care about your attempt on my life EXCEPT the Second purp goes for cslime the smile drops. he cares about someone, like it or not, and the chosen villain storyline doesn't hold up anymore bc he cares, at his very core he cares so much and that's why he didn't want his people to get close (hence the card suits) and when they Did (picture frames) he gets screwed over. bc quackitys character is about betrayal. and as soon as the red and gold disappeared, pain and ambition and control traded for hope again, that colorful wonderful thing, it was ripped away just as fast by one of the people he trusted. whether the color purple is a motif there I'll leave up to you (Karl, purpled)

AND! HE DIVES AFTER SLIME EVEN WHEN HE KNOWS INTELLECTUALLY THAT THE GUYS A GONNER ALREADY! THATS AN UNCONSCIOUS, IMMEDIATE REACTION!!! Just wanted to add that. Bc it wasnt a choice, he didnt choose to let these people in like he chose to keep them Out initially, but by god does he grip them close once theyre there. I wouldnt be surprised if cpurp joined the lineup beside karl and wil and schlatt and techno for betrayers.

THE RETURN OF COLOR AGAINNNNNN (I'm sorry for the overabundance of color analysis but it's There. I promise it's There and im not just insane.) and maybe it's not quite hope outright and I was wrong, but it's hope in something. slime is essentially dead, quacks been betrayed again, but this time he has something left. las nevadas isn't even Considered in this frame bc he's so consumed by this loss. our boy is coming BACK, BABYYYY and! and! he's on an equal plane with slime, they're standing shoulder to shoulder!!!! that is So different from every other position we've seen him in compared with other people who held power over him previously; schlatt stood over him, and so did Wilbur and tech and Karl that one time, with the one time they Weren't putting them in a grave that quack was digging at (I'll add a picture of that below) and they weren't even there!!! he put picture frames for a semblance of control!!! here, he's actually on even footing with his Friend, which makes the loss even more heartbreaking

hes disheveled, his beanie is gone (perhaps the most telling thing that hes gone through an abyss [hero’s journey anyone?]) this is his big moment (w/n the music video, im sure theres more to come for the character, however briefly)

and there's blue on what's presumably wils picture bc of ghostbur, duh, but also bc ghostbur fundamentally has the more free state of mind that quackity associates with hope. ofc all that's gone by the time he's revived but it's a nice thought

he's angry!!! singing directly into the dynamite, his scar is Bright Red unlike in previous scenes, this guy is Angry and rightfully so. he's had his moment of weakness (cough hope cough) and it's set him right back to vengeance and control and Pain. there's no gold anymore, he doesn't seem to care about the legacy element or the wealth, he just wants the safety of control. it's a spotlight, he's the only one left to care about, everything's drowned out except himself and the pain he can bring (ie the explosive. Wilbur callbacks anyone, he's literally a shadow but whether it's of Wilbur or of his former glory is debatable esp since glory is a motif here)

back to fake smiles, back to card suit imagery, we've boomeranged to the beginning and all hopes of permanent character development are gone. we're leading up to a breaking point in the narrative (background is kinda swiveling btwn orange and red like lava, like it's close to an eruption but that's kinda a reach) but we're not there yet

THIS IS LITERALLY JUST CC QUACKITY. HES TAUNTING US. HE STOLE ALL OF CQs color and put it into his own background bc this man is enjoying the panic he creates with all the angst.

Okay but in all seriousness about that one, all black = mourning = oh gosh quacks gonna die. Hes totally gonna die. OR its just for the vibes idk. But this man is Literally holding the fate of las nevadas (colors motif yes to all of it hes got the pain and control and the unrevealed card ‘up his sleeve’) in his hands. I am So here for this its gonna be an awesome finale

And i just rewatched the first bit and this totally supports my thing that blue is hope and red is pain. that in addition to there being no heart on the ‘throne’ from earlier-- its bc it was broken :D it flashes for like .01 seconds and it took a solid five attempts to pause on lol. the tiny broken heart makes My heart break

ive skipped the Whole part w c!Tommy and the bit with the mirror smash (its rly fascinating, so many mini-scenes all in one!!) for someone a bit more versed in the VODs to analyze, but ohhhh buy was this fun. Ty for reading through my incoherent mess of an analysis, it my little english enthusiast heart very happy :D

[cdroloisms]

so... the red banquet, huh?

im not going to lie, i was cheering on the eggpire the entire time (/lh) - what can i say, something abt the demon possessed resident evil crew just speaks to my heart. theyre FUN, ok? 

anyway, a lot of people were theorizing abt what c!dream showing up at the banquet could look like - and, well, i thought i’d write my version of it. this takes place in the “guard dog au” developed primarily by a gc im in on twitter (@stabbysideblog being the main originator of it, do check sunny out !!) - the basic premise is post-getting the revive book from c!dream, c!quackity continues to get his, uh, “use” out of him by basically treating him as a bodyguard/guard dog as he goes around the server - which should probably give you a pretty good idea of how this is going to go :] 

tws: death, grief, implied torture, starvation, abuse, blood, murder, unhealthy relationship, dehumanization, possession, trauma, mental illness, violence, dark content, dark imagery, emotional distress, mental instability, pandora’s vault/prison arc, c!quackity critical (not really, but a very dark portrayal of him) 

A strangled sob claws its way up Puffy’s throat as she watches Foolish fall.

He drops in a spray of golden ichor in the crimson, brilliant green eyes trained on hers, jaw slack in horror, pain, dipping to the ground and whiting out before he’s even fully collapsed. The others’ screams hardly even meet her ears; all she can see is her son, falling, her son, dying, her son, that same sunlit kindness still held in the curve of his lips in this room that knows nothing but pain and betrayal, gone gone gone gone-

Because of her.

Ant’s still staring at her, pupils thinned to needles from the brightness of the lava at their backs, ears alert but stance entirely calm as he twirls his sword, still dripping gold. His mouth is moving but she cannot hear anything above the ring ring ringing in her ears, the world swirling and blurring dangerously from the tears gathering in her eyes and spilling over her cheeks, Ant’s eyes polished rubies where there had once been a cloudless sky. Bad gestures at the crowd, pushed back towards the lava’s fire in their fear, leaving her to stand in the middle of the room as one desperate dying scream, the egg, standing as a silent witness to it all-

“Bad-” a flash of blue, and there’s someone standing in front of her, shoulders pulled back, a diamond sword glittering their right hand, “Stop it.”

“Quackity.”’

Bad snarls, tail whipping back and forth; Puffy takes a step back, then another, shoulders still shaking in grief for her son, for her friends, for everyone who’s about to lose their lives in this twisted realm of crimson and hellfire. There is no fear on Quackity’s face though he stands unarmored, and for the first time in this awful day something like worry flashes over Bad’s face. There’s history here, she realizes - what did Bad say about Quackity attacking? - but none of this is making sense, not the self-assured way Quackity is carrying himself, wings relaxed and folded at his back, not the simmering unease making itself known in the foreign cadence of Bad’s voice.

“Oh my gosh, look at what you’ve done,” Quackity says, voice almost patronizing, like a parent stumbling in on the mess their child has made out of their bedroom, “this is impressive, I’m not going to lie, this is quite impressive.” Puffy swallows thickly, hears the shuddering gasp of someone behind her - Fundy, probably, or Sam - as Quackity’s voice drops. “You have to stop right now.”

“Stop?”

“This whole Egg thing is just getting out of control - you just killed a man,” Quackity stalks across the netherbrick floor like he has all the time in the world, ignoring the crossbows that the Eggpire has trained on his back, guarded only by the off-white shirt he’s wearing, an untied tie hanging limply around his neck. She sucks in a sharp breath through her teeth - my son, they killed my son, she means to say, but the words stick to the walls of her throat and only escape her lungs in another series of wracking sobs. “Is that what you wanted to do, Bad?”

He laughs - laughs, of all things, and there is something here that Puffy is missing, that isn’t clicking through the muddied fog of grief hanging grey and suffocating around her head, but Quackity is speaking again and she can’t think about it all, not now, “-and I’m not gonna have it anymore, Bad.”

He slips over by the crowd, eyes glancing all of them huddled in one fearful mob over the tables, eyes dark and daring and cold; the Eggpire keeps their eyes trained on him, Bad’s eyebrows furrowed, Ant’s muzzle twisted in a snarl. Puffy watches, their words passing over her like water skidding against the surface of a rock splitting a stream in two, heart thudding in her ears, marking out the heartsick beats in this poisoned melody - one-two, her-son, her-son, her-son-

He stops in front of her in the middle of monologuing, eyes trained on her own like he’s trying to tell her something. His eyes flick down and she follows their gaze to his other hand, the one not clasped around a sword handle, watches as he gestures vaguely in the direction of the Eggpire. She frowns, confusion cutting through the grief - what is he trying to say? - and Quackity sighs, index finger slashing in the air in the shape of what might be an A as he spins on his heel to walk back towards Bad and the others.

“So how about we just stop playing?”

Quackity smiles, teeth white and glittering from the lava’s glow even as the Eggpire surrounds him, pushes him back against the wall. Bad seems to hesitate, hand clasped around the trigger of a crossbow he keeps pointed at the other’s head; when he speaks, he almost sounds mournful.

“I can’t,” he mutters, quiet, stepping forwards as his shoulders straighten, pushing Quackity back in a motion that the others are quick to follow. Puffy watches, an awful sinking feeling falling through the hole left in her chest by the sight of her son, falling, her son, dead - watches as Quackity’s wings open, shine golden in the lava’s light - what is he planning?

“You know why I can’t stop.”

Quackity heaves a heavy sigh through his lungs, “Bad- you and all your buddies here, drop your weapons, and leave. Let all of these people go.”

“Or what?” Ant’s voice is sharp, but Quackity barely pays him a second thought, swinging a glare at his head and cutting him off.

“I’m not talking to you,” he laughs, dismissive, “I’m talking to Bad.”

“No-” Puffy watches as Bad’s hand tightens on his crossbow, punctuating the word with a step forward. “You put your weapon down. If you wanted to stop us?” He’s too close to Quackity for Puffy to make out either of their faces, crossbow bolt aimed and ready to send straight through his skull. She stiffens, sees from the corner of her eye as the ones beside her look away, and resigns herself to the inevitable spray of blood on brick - not again not again don’t make me watch again - “You should’ve brought more than just yourself.”

Quackity laughs.

“I did,” his voice is dangerous in its levity, making Bad, then the rest of the Eggpire step back as his wings spread open further, watching with bated breath and wide eyes as a swarm of white descends from a hidden hole in the wall, “Or, well, I did the next best thing. I brought my worst enemy.”

“What?”

“Alright Quackity, where’s this Egg thing?”

Technoblade jumps down into the room in a familiar purple-black blur of expertly enchanted netherite armor, form impeccable despite the seeming exhaustion in his voice. At his feet, a pack of wolves gather, pace, muscles coiled and clearly ready to strike; he rolls his shoulders back, signature fireworks loaded into his crossbow, and the crowd behind Puffy immediately breaks into shocked murmuring and soft cheers.

On Quackity’s other side, someone else flips into the room, wearing a suit of all things, crisp and well-pressed; Purpled grins, entirely too gleeful as the Eggpire presses back further, held off by the dogs swarming and growling at their feet.

“Purpled- we hired you!”

“To be frank with you, Bad, a sword appears in Purpled’s hand and he flips it casually, blade thin and gleaming, “Quackity just had the better price.”

“We- we still outnumber you!” Bad’s voice is a near-scream in its desperation, his tail lashing back and forth as he shifts his weight forward, “It’s four against three- we’ll still win-” Despite herself, Puffy’s mind spins; either way, they’re still at a disadvantage from sheer numbers alone, never mind Quackity’s lack of armor. Maybe if they all work together, they’ll be able to sufficiently stop them, but there’s no way she can see this ending in anything less than a bloodbath-

“I didn’t want for it to come to this, Bad,” Quackity’s voice drops low and sweet, the sincerity in his tone belied by his glittering eyes and jagged grin. The shift in tone sends a shiver down her back, has even his allies shifting uncomfortably in what seems to be confusion - Puffy catches something like a murmured no from Sam, behind her, before Quackity whistles, loud.

It all happens too fast for her to follow; one moment, the Eggpire is standing, weapons raised and ready to fight; the next, and there is a new netherite-clad figure in the middle of the room, signature sparks of purple from a pearl still glittering around them, axe buried into Antfrost’s chest. The room devolves into shrieks as his body dissolves, Bad gasping sharply and something dark bubbling in Puffy’s chest - good - as the newcomer in the room moves over to Ponk, bloodstained axe swinging in a downward arc, only barely stopped in time by a diamond sword catching on the crook of the blade.

“Go!” Quackity’s voice rings out above the chaos, and Techno and Purpled - seemingly shaken from their shock - fly into motion, fireworks bursting in flashes of red and black that send Puffy blinking out stars from her eyes, Purpled moving to match blows against Hannah and Techno’s army biting at the ankles of the Eggpire leader. Around her, people scream in relief, cheering as the Eggpire, clad in eggshell-blue, are pushed back one by one, hindered by a shifting wave of teeth and claws and clashing blades and netherite moving smoothly over the uneven floor - Bad screams, “RETREAT!”, and they disappear into the wall.

Purpled curses; “I’m going after them.” Puffy watches, still reeling, as he dives into the corridor that Bad had revealed, a flash of purple and blue melting into the shadows; the mystery figure - still hauling a heavy, bloodstained axe, nearly dragging against the floor - moves forward as to follow.

Quackity snaps his fingers, and the figure stops, turns, immediately moving to the winged man’s side. Behind her, Puffy can make out cheers, gasping, hysterical sounds of relief; she can’t join them, feels nothing but the shuddering weight of her grief pressing further on her lungs as the adrenaline fades, head dizzy with Foolish’ sharp gasp in pain, Ant’s yowl of agony. Her eyes flick to the side, catch on Sam pacing, muttering under his breath; when his eyes meet hers, they widen in something like - alarm?

She shakes her head; she can’t think about all of that, right now. Her hooves stumble over the vines and rot strewn over the floor, carrying her forward to the glitter of gold on red, to where her son had fallen and she could do no more but watch with a scream caught between her teeth.

A hand lands on her shoulder- “I’m sorry we couldn’t make it in time.”

She whirls around; Quackity’s looking down at her, face twisted in sympathy. Behind him, the armored stranger looms, hair long and tangled, helmet keeping their face in shadow and hiding their features from view. There’s something distantly familiar to them, in the way they shift from one foot to the other, something that makes her eyes narrow and throat tighten-

“Who are you?” The words tumble from her mouth, making Quackity freeze, jaw snapping shut, the figure behind him tensing almost imperceptibly under their armor. “Who-”

Quackity’s eyes are dark, piercing; she can’t read them, the flat line of his mouth as confusing as it is frustrating. His eyes flick up to somewhere over her shoulder before moving back to her own

“How rude of me,” He smiles, gold tooth glinting, “I didn’t even introduce our special guest.”

His right wing presses against their back, and they drop, immediately, to their knees, making her step back in shock. Quackity’s hand slips easily under the edge of their helmet, ripping it off with little care and letting their hair fall in a wave of dusty browns over their face; he pulls the strands back roughly, revealing the paleness to their skin, the hollows in their cheeks-

“Dream?”

Her breath shudders in her chest, eyes snapping up to Quackity, still smiling, hand still pressed against the back of his skull. Dream’s face is pale, thin, clawed with new scars that highlight the jut of his cheekbones and the dullness of his eyes. He looks up at her, eyes glassy, skin almost grey, and for a moment she’s looking at Foolish, eyes unseeing in death, the luster of his skin stolen like the air from his lungs, and she nearly screams.

“Puffy, Puffy,” Quackity murmurs, almost kind, “It’s alright, see? Everything’s fine now.”

“He- he’s supposed to be in prison,” she hisses, not missing how he flinches, not missing how even that is hindered by the hand braced against his head. He looks strangely small kneeling at Quackity’s side, dwarfed by the netherite he’s wearing; even with an axe strapped to his back, the blade still wet with crimson and reeking of iron and decay, he hardly looks like the villain that had terrorized the server, the son she could no longer recognize in the midst of the bridges he burned.

“Oh- don’t worry about him,” Quackity shrugs, wings fluttering, “It’s all being done with the Warden’s permission, Puffy, I know what I’m doing.” As if to prove his point, his hand tightens on the other’s hair, tugging his head back by the roots; Dream hardly even reacts, simply letting himself be manhandled, throat bare and exposed to the air, similarly criss-crossed by scars. “He’s perfectly well-behaved now, you see?”

Her throat closes, the pit in her gut torn open by the sight of her son with a blade skewered through his heart only growing wider, hungrier, by the dullness in the eyes of the other. Foolish’ death had happened too fast for her to react: one moment, he was staring at her, eyes mournful in goodbye; the next, he was a tumble of gold and green and blue against the floor, half of his name still not having left her lips. Dream’s head swivels to hers, face entirely blank; there is nothing quick written in the gauntness of his face, more scar tissue than skin, in the shadows under his eyes or how they seem to stare, unseeing, in the long, knotted strands of hair twisted over Quackity’s knuckles. He looks like he’s been dying, slowly, for months, and the screaming cry of YOU FAILED ringing in her head in Ant’s voice only grows louder.

“What did you-” the words scrape roughly against the inside of her mouth, “What did you do?”

Quackity shrugs, letting go, and Dream’s head tips forward to stare at the floor. “What had to be done.”

He clicks his fingers again, and Dream stands, falling behind Quackity with his shoulders pulled up to his ears. Quackity hands him back his helmet, keeping his hand stretched out, palm up, even after Dream takes the netherite and fastens it back over his head. Puffy watches, heart stuck in her throat, as Dream fiddles with something by his throat, pulls out a thick coil of iron chains, pressing the end to Quackity’s outstretched hand - the other side, she realizes, fastened around his neck.

Her breath stutters when he looks back at Quackity, gut roiling at the familiarity - it’s an imperfect copy of the way he used to look at her, a skittish shadow at her tail, all awkward smiles and fidgeting hands. Only now, his eyes don’t dance with the same light, his lungs shivering in fear instead of wheezing laughter; she watches as his head follows Quackity like he’s the only person in the room, a duckling imprinted on the nearest person and ready to follow to the ends of the world and further, and her heart shatters all over again.

“Anyway,” Quackity’s eyes soften, lips curled in sympathy, “My condolences, Puffy, for your son. It really is a tragedy.”

She watches him leave with tears in her eyes, a sob once again caught in her throat. The images overlap - Foolish, smiling under the sun’s glow, sitting on the roof of his summer home - Dream, grinning in the treetops, eyes as green as the leaves surrounding him - Foolish, falling in a spray of ichor and a gasp of pain, Dream, grey-eyed and silent, dead as the crimson rot surrounding his beaten body-

My condolences for your son, Quackity’s words echo in her skull, and not for the first time, she laughs miserably, tears falling from her eyes.

Which one?

[year2000electronics]

welcome to my bloag!

mothra or milo | 21 | any pronouns | white | adhd & autism (prof dx)

about me | interests | faq 

commissions

if those links don’t work for you, i’ve pasted all of that under a readmore (it is three pages’ worth of text though so it may be long, you’ve been warned)

about me

- mothra or milo

- nonbinary and i use any pronouns! he/she/they/it but i also use vil/vils/vilself

- 21

- white

- adhd and autism (prof. diagnosed)

- i’m a gay-coded villain unfortunately which means i am drawn to villains…i cannot help this

- i love to draw and i love sharing what i make with people!

- bi

- i love getting asks, but since i get so many of them i might not be able to answer yours! i’m very sorry!

- you might know me as the person who made that one hlvrai au

- i know it may look like my blog and life is entirely themed around the current hyperfixation but i switch every so often… prepare for a stream of bullshit if you follow me for one thing only

- i talk on this blog a lot! like… a LOT a lot. my talk tag is “moth flies” and my asks tag is “mothra answers” if you dont want to see that

♥ byf ♥

- basic byf criteria (racism, homo/transphobia, antisemitism, pedophilia, etc)

- i dont care if you like it just dont talk to me about homestuck. i will block if you do

- if you ship incest/pedophilia or support those who do, get lost

- truscum do not follow i am transing my gender and you don’t get to stop me or any of my trans siblings

- anti-self dx do not follow

- if you believe there are “good cops” or that the system isnt inherently corrupt do not follow

interests

special interests

(things that are really super special to me and i go back to regularly, no matter what. feel free to tag me or talk to me about this stuff, night or day!!)

- theme parks (dont post about these often but when i suddenly have weirdly specific magic kingdom opinions now you know LOL)

- mario (especially the rpgs and ESPECIALLY super paper mario! its my favourite game of all time)

- pokemon

- my oc stories (especially the reckoning- yes i love them that much)

- i feel like hlvrai counts because it literally changed my life

- sonic but specifically dr eggman. 

smaller interests

(things i enjoy, but theyre not as important to me as the ones from above)

- splatoon

- gravity falls

- what we do in the shadows

- half life vr but the ai is self aware

- radio tv solutions

- skylanders

- no straight roads

- ace attorney

- ok ko

- undertale/deltarune

- kirby

- carmen sandiego

- wander over yonder

-  a series of unfortunate events

- invader zim

- punch-out!!

- sonic 

- cookie run

trolls (dreamworks)

spider-man

marvel

i think putting a little disclaimer here is pretty much useless since actions speak louder than words but im critical of my interests. nothing is truly perfect and calling out harmful writing will help writers of the future to avoid it

frequently asked questions

]animal picture]

please stop doing this im not really a ‘look at this cute animal’ person

do you have any tips for starting an ask blog/making an au?

honestly? i do what i do because i love it and other people just kinda tagged along out of sheer luck

but in case you ARE curious.

ask blogs

aus

did you make [x]? where are your ask blogs/fics?

i have five ask blog stories i made. y2kvr, hlvrv, the reckoning, origami postgame and beyond black mesa

i also have some fics on my ao3

can i make an ask blog based off of yours?

yeah! go ahead, i dont mind 

i have like, a few asks back in the day talkin about this but like. its funny askblog on tumblr. go nuts. let’s all have fun

just try not to like… totally copy my stuff

can i kin/draw/cosplay [x character]?

sure 

can you make [x]/can you make more [x]?

i am a human being not a creating machine. i dont usually do requests unless they interest me so take that as more of a suggestion instead of me saying ‘i accept all requests’; i’ve been trying to be more considerate to people wondering if my stuff will continue but im pretty notorious for not finishing a lot of stuff so LOL youre still welcome to ask tho :>

is there a way to support you monetarily?

commissions are open on my kofi if you like my stuff and wanna send some money my way!

calhoun is sexy

yeah <3