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#im so scared bc im starting a new job in probably a week or two and sometimes idk how to look forward to it. when sm and twt are like . thi
galllade · 10 months
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i be like "im gonna go on twitter and look at fun art :>" and twitters like "do you wanna see that ukr//aine is trending bc people don't know how to read a news article and think ww///3 is upon us" and im like no twitter this is the second time you've shown me this this week and id like it to stop
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peachesofteal · 17 days
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RAAAAAAAAH CHAPTER 13 BRO!!!!!
as always, i read it like a rabid animal, and then reread the prev 4 chapters and then reread this again HAHA
your work ages like fine wine, and i read and treasure every word of it, especially on rereads when i can make myself slow down to really take it all in <3
"He takes it all away. Every time." made me WEEP!!!!! its what she DESERVES!!!! the dependability and the escape into him and simon (simon takes charge obvs, but johnny is just as much an outlet. sweet sweet boy)
i think he also realizes that she's seeing it as escapism and starts to fall away a bit, bc of how he stops her and asks to check in. it makes me curious abt his and simon's early relationship, if he's recognizing the same pattern of behavior and comparing them.
going on with that, when she was showing them her scars, AUUUUUUGH. that hit so hard man. the “No but… they’re hideous.”
“No.” Simon croaks, voice thick. “There isn’t a single part of you that isn’t perfect.”
SIMOOOOOOOON he sees so much of himself in her. its gotta be heartbreaking, knowing she's where he used to be. he gets it fr. i cant imagine two people more suited for her, someone who's been where she is and got out, and the person who's helped get that someone out of that pit. fuck dude. you're so good at this HAHAHA
im not gonna say nothin abt the good girl stuff…. but heehee!
also also "I'm not a little human nurse" made me laugh so hard LMAO pure arizona from grey's. ive been watching it lately (started right before you started posting simple math actually) reading the hospital bits of SM, you do a really good job of capturing the same energy and stakes and work dynamics that you get watching grey's. im honestly still waiting for the other shoe to drop on the stupid attending marshall, there's always something that a shitty attending can mess up down the road lmao
the ending on this chap killed me though. they knew she was flighty, and that she's smart and capable, but its gotta be so hard to get the relief of her coming back after the day out without answering the phone, only to find the papers the next morning. in bunny's defense though, she mentioned in chapters before moving in (i think before graves hurt her?) with them that she had to start looking at outs, and these papers aren't a 2-day turnaround; she probably bought them weeks ago and only now picked them up. i could be wrong though! i think its unfortunate timing, but she also probably just wants the relief knowing that she's got the backup plan accessible. as much as she loves the boys and penny, she's still not used to having the dependability. the safety scares her, or at least gives her the idea of a false sense of security, since she's been on edge for so so long.
i give her big smooch. poor bun. poor boys, and poor penny. manifesting the worst for graves, truly, rot in hell you idiot american
i hope you're feeling better, its lovely to read your works but even better when you're doing well yourself ❤️❤️❤️
I loved reading this! I adore you.
I love how you noticed that Johnny does stop to check in. He has a very firm grip on her mental and emotional state, (it’s not his first rodeo) and he knows just how to bring her back.
The two of them + Bunny is really a dream come true even if she doesn’t realize it yet (they do) and it will take a lot of time and work on everyone’s part.
I think your notes in your last paragraph are pretty spot on, too. Bunny will talk about it more in the next two chapters but- getting a new identity is not a two day turnaround.
Also yeah, I was channeling Arizona with that line 💀 I was hoping someone would catch it!
10/10 I love your breakdowns, no notes, perfection, they always make me smile.
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multiplefandomsblog · 3 years
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Can i request how different idv characters would act as roommates? Eli, Helena, Luca, Edgar, Vera, Norton and Fiona if thats alright with you :DDD
warnings? kinda suggestive, crack fic, cussing
mod toby and mod bread helped me do this fic, its a bit all over the place but it was fun so no regrets
Eli Clark
I feel like being roommates with eli would be pretty pleasant
everything would be clean all the time
he’s the type of kid that everyone wants on their team because of how good he is at everything
so if you scored a roomie like him, you got super lucky
if you left a mess he wouldn’t get mad, he would probably just clean it up himself and leave a sticky note that said to clean up ur mess next time(but not like, passive aggressively)
ofc you would clean up after the cute sticky note, bc who can say no to this bb? 
If you don’t clean up tho, brooke rose will probably shit on your hair when u sleep
tbh you’ve always wondered what eli looked like without his eye mask
so one time when Eli was sleeping, you went next to his bed to try and take his eye mask off and see what he looks like.
You took off the mask and found out it was a dummy 
a few seconds later you heard footsteps and you turned around
Eli came up behind you and knocked you out with a bat
you two don’t speak of that day.
Brooke kept screeching last night, and you got no sleep at all, so I guess we’re having chicken for dinner 
Unless you had a good reason, then eli and brooke prob won’t mind cleaning up after u
I can imagine you going back to your shared room in the manor after a rough match and seeing eli just sweeping the room in an apron and a cloth covering his hair looking like cinderella
“Honey, I’m home!”
basically if you lived with eli, you basically had a husband/mom/wife???
If you came back to the manor, beaten up and bruised from the last match he would prob pester you and nag you
while cleaning up you wounds he would prob say, “You have to be more careful, im always worrying. You’re gonna give your mom a heart attack!”
seriously tho, don’t worry this bb, he would actually have a heart attack
Helena Adams
i think living with helena would probably feel like some sort of kdrama
she might be a bit clumsy and trip over a few things, falling into your arms bc of her blindness
though she might be doing it on purpose
If you moved things in the room without telling her, she would probably get mad
for example, you move the sofa chair a little bit to the right bc you thought it looked better
helena walks in the room, sits down on the sofa chair and ends up accidentally sitting on the sofa chair arm rest instead
resulting in her bottom hurting and a very long talk with you
she got her revenge weeks later
she had asked you to check under her bed for monsters because she couldn’t do it herself
you were teasing her for still being afraid of monsters but looked underneath anyways
low and behold, 
she put a mirror there.
will even wack you with her cane if you’re being annoying
Her cane is pretty affective in shutting you up lol only sometimes
“Hey Helena, are you braille? ‘cause i can read you like a book when i touch yo-” *wack* *moans*
helena: ...
you: ...
helena: ...im leaving
you: heleNA WAIT-
One time everyone at the manor was celebrating Helena’s birthday with a piñata, 2 seconds later she was beating the shit out of Luca with her cane
even after everyone’s been yelling that he wasn’t the piñata
One time you and Helena had a staring contest because you were both bored.
She won.
sometimes to get her close to you, you would sit on the sofa chair super quietly and still
And then you’d wait for her to come and sit on your lap thinking it was the chair
and it would work 
she would probably sit on your lap for a few minutes, confused as to why the chair felt elevated
and then she would feel your arms snake around her waist
and she would- “whAT THE FUCK- SCREEEEEEE”
she would probably make a cute bird noise and then just sit there, not knowing if she should leave or not
in her head, “THEIR LAP IS SO WARM OH MY GOD WHY DIDN’T THIS HAPPEN SOONER”
in real life, “let go of me you pathetic mortal”
you’d beg her to stay on ur lap longer and she would cave in
but she didn’t stay because she liked you! baka
Luca Balsa
living with luca will probably be the opposite of eli’s
messes, everywhere
inventions, everywhere
at one point though you had a sneaking suspicion he might be a bunch of rats.
 you saw him outside crouching beside you guys’ room with a bunch of rats coming out his sleeve and running into a crack in the building
“its for science!”
he’s also super scared of helena
Luca doesn’t like to admit it, but he got his purple eye from Helena after he made a bad pick-up line for the blind. 
She’s been chanting “one of us” and threatening to “finish the job” ever since.
he’s basically a big baby that needs to be taken care of
i feel like he might break down sometimes from not doing his invention right, or feeling insecure
but i guess his rats are there to help
but since he had a roomie, he wouldn’t be able to cry on his own
and its a good thing because he doesnt have to do everything by himself anymore
he learns to ask for help when living with you
you’d help him through his episodes and he would slowly start to become more reliant on you
if he was feeling a bit moody, he would unconsciously try to find you to cuddle with
if you lived with him, you’d probably have to be very responsible
luca would have his own bed that he would never sleep in because he wouldn’t be able to sleep without you in his arms
everytime he shifts in bed, you’d feel a tiny shock
it kinda bothered you so
you pranked Luca by touching him with those zappy ring things you’d get from a dollar store.
You just wanted that mother fucker to get a taste of his own medicine
he would basically be a puppy that follow you around, he would constantly old your head
probably refers to you as his
like if you downed a shot that barmaid made for you, he would be like, “EYYYY THATS MY BABy-heurghrhgh”
now you have a drunk baby that you have to take care of
You tried giving luca a shower afterwards, now you know how it feels getting electrocuted.
And trust me, Luca and water do not mix.
good luck have fun
Edgar Valden
living with edgar would consist of 
1. edgar being super specific of what was his and what you can’t touch
2. big tsundere baby
3. sketches of you hiding in his sketch book
if you lived with edgar, you’d have to be super patient with his nagging or else you’d have to find a new roomie
he’s constantly nagging you
but if you are tired of it and give him the silent treatment, he’d probably just nag you even more for attention
you need to give this man attention or else
you ignored him for a whole day once because he said something mean
he decided to give you some milk and cookies as an apology
the ‘milk’ was his muddy paint water and the cookies were expired
i feel like one day you two would be arguing about who moved his stuff, your argument being he unconsciously moved his stuff, his argument being you moved his stuff
you guys were so heated up you didn’t notice how close you two were getting
edgar ended up pouncing on you like a feral dog
though when you woke up, you both agreed that you ended up winning the argument
when you’re reading or just doing nothing, he’d ask to sketch you or paint you
i-its not because he thinks you’re beautiful or anything
its just because he thinks that your whole self is aesthetically pleasing and pleasing to the eye- but not because he thinks you’re pretty!
sometimes when he was super focused on his art, he wouldn’t notice your figure slowly approach him
you’d boop his nose and watch as he froze
wh- hoW DARE YOU LAY YOUR HANDS ON A VALDEN
secretly tho, he really loves it when you do that.
like
do it more
please or not whatever
Vera Nair
Vera would probably be a bit anxious when she heard she was gonna get a roomie
but she would do her best to be at her best behaviour
she’s very well mannered and is very polite
she’d kinda be the type to silently care for you
like, she’d notice the little things that bothered you and made sure they wouldn’t bother you ever again
like, if you stubbed your toe alot, she would give everything that you could stub your toe with, rubber covers or socks
but she wouldn’t tell you it was her even though it was obviously her
if you fell asleep on your desk instead of your bed, she would probably but a blanket on ur shoulders and a pillow underneath where you left your head
she’s the thoughtful type
before you went for matches, she’d give you a cheek kiss for good luck
and if you did the same, she would probably play it cool but then panic a second later.
theykissedmetheykissedmetheykissedme-
im sorry this is short idk what to do for her-
Norton Campbell
oh BOY
once norton starts to warm up to you, you guys are basically married
like there was no proposal, just “do you take this man to be your husband- you can’t say no”
he would probably take care of you alot
even when you didn’t need it
i can do it mysel- no
but actually, before he warmed up to you he was pretty cold, 
he felt himself growing feelings for you
and he didn’t want to because he was afraid he would lose you and he would have to go through the heartbreak of losing someone all over again
he would leave the room to go hang out somewhere else
he would keep his distance and not talk with you much
but there was this one time where you woke up with him around you, you just pretended you didn’t wake up and relished in the feeling
it took some time, but eventually he warmed up to you
though he still constantly worries about you, he doesn’t want you to get hurt
during matches he would always take hits for you, and just stay closer to you in general
he wanted to make sure you got back to the manor safely, it didn’t matter if he was sent back via rocket chair
he always put you as his #1 priority
he also gets jealous super easily, he’s scared someone will swoop you away from him
so to make sure everyone knows that you belong to him, he’d give you his clothes to wear
not only do his clothes look adorable on you, everyone will know that you’re his
probably pester you a lot if you tripped or got a paper cut
“yoU COULD HAVE DIED” “IT WAS A PAPER CUT”
Once, Norton got stuck to the fridge like a magnet for 5 hours
He’s been using that as an excuse to force you to bring him his snacks every since.
pick up lines are a definite yes
sometimes you’d be shitting and you’d hear outside the bathroom door a faint,
“My love for you is like Diarrhea.” “norton what the fuck im shitting-” “i just can’t hold it in” cue camera zooming in on his face and him smirking into the camera “OH MY GOD WHY”
like Luca, his bed is useless. he always needs you in his arms when sleeping, he wants to protect you and just feel you closer to him
puts him at ease
kisses? hell yes.
if you had to go to a match without him he would send you off with a ton of gross wet kisses on your face ew
He might even try to seduce you into staying
“norton I’m gonna lose morality points!” “fuck your morality points, i wanna smash”
Fiona Gilman
I feel like fiona would probably super psyched when she heard about sharing rooms with you
I headcanon her to be super bubbly and social but when she is alone with her thoughts she’d probably regret everything 
“why did i say that why did i say that why did i say that-”
probably prays to god, “please kill me”
she tries her best to make sure you’re comfortable
she doesnt make a big mess and she makes sure she cleans up after herself, overall a pretty cool roommate
except for those times for when she tries to babtize you while you’re showering-
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING” “THE LORD SHALL CLEANSE YOUR SOUL WITH HOLY WATER-” “what the f- iS THIS ALCOHOL???”
this has happened too many times^^^
one time she accidentally created an ultra portal in the toilet. 
Y’all still have no idea where it leads, and no intent of finding out. 
Although, Kreacher has been complaining of some nasty stuff appearing in his room
i feel like during matches she would always call you with her portals to say hi or just give you a small kiss
it stopped being cute when she went through the portal and ended up seeing the hunter instead of you
mentally scarred from that
sometimes things would disappear in your shared room too, not only the toilet
you’re convinced she has a bunch of hidden portals in the room
like, one time you dropped a pencil and it went through the ground.
you never saw it again
Or you know that missing sock?
Portaled.
i dont know what this turned into
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bansheeoftheforest · 3 years
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Uh, is there still an angst break? Ignore this ask until your ready if so 👉😎👉
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What was the au where Jekylls pushed down the stairs and experiences a skull crackening again? Oh well but I've been thinking of a branch of that where Jekyll doesn't know hes dead like all day. I also cant remember if that was already discussed or not
The lodgers patch him up, he complains of a headache, and goes on his merry way! He's confused why all the lodgers are so nervous and being nice to him all of the sudden, why creature is looking at him with a stange mix of empathy and pity. He was told he fell down the stairs, fell unconscious, and obtained a bit of an injury. He cant fathom why Frankenstein is "The only doctor who can treat him" why he has to constantly go to her for checkups. Why Maijabi is suddenly following him practically everywhere.
Hyde squeezes back control for a moment and tries the potion but it doesn't work. Maybe a bit of pain but certainly no transformation. Jekyll assumes his injury or whatever medication they're giving him to treat it somehow negated the effects
Jekyll complains about "suddenly blacking out" the lodgers know its because his soul is slippery. They tell him it must just be a side effect of the injury and not to worry
How long can they keep it secret from him? When does he find out? Does he? Does it get to be years only for him to realize that he hasn't aged? That he still needs checkups from Frankenstein? Does he learn sooner? Does a lodger crack and say it? Does he rot? Does he notice how so very cold he is. How animals act around him? It's all very interesting,,
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I actually did think a bit of Jekyll's kidnappers for the amnesia kidnapping au! When drawing that lil sketch of Henry and O'Leary meeting Robert I had considered making it so O'Leary was suspicious of Lanyon like "Oh theres no news anywhere of someone matching Thomas' description who's missing. But some random people walk up claiming to know him? Begging to take him back with them?" And he'd think they were the kidnappers. But ultimately I decided against it as I felt Lanyon and Rachel were pretty clearly, genuinely concerned for "Thomas" :p
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I tried playing assassins creed once, the first(?) one. But the controls were confusing and everything was sorta thrown all at me at once, and I got bored of it quickly
But! I went to the store the other day and just so happened to notice Syndicate was being sold for 15 dollars 👀 So I bought it because funky Victorian assassins and your influence! It's a bit less confusing then the first ac game I tried but why is going down or dropping so hard bdksnks. I'm having quite a bit of fun! If you dont count my rage and annoyance-, the B button refuses to cooperate with me unless I'm looting corpses >:(
The b button being the bane of my existence aside, I AM having fun! I like the funky outfits and I want to play as the girl twin (evie?) forever because her clothes are good and shes better at attacking than jacob(?) For some reason. Probably the stun her weapon has? Oh well! I have not unlocked any new outfits yet, nonetheless I wish there were more.
Also! I was thimking, and my current quests are taking place at 1868? Did I get that right? And Jekyll is like 35 in 1885. So in game he'd be 18! An au like I believe you mentioned sounds very interesting 👀 but I must play more to know what's going on and daydream about it
That would be the resurrection au <3
But god, I really like that branch! Especially combined with the hc that he can't feel pain bc the HJ7 and the transformations made him immune. Frankenstein patched him up and made fleshweaver to heal the crack in his skull but it still has to be bandaged, he surely broke a few bones, yet all he has to do is to be careful because it doesn't even hurt. He doesn't even realize how severe the injuries are because it doesn't hurt, it very well might just have been that he accidentally slipped at the bottom of the staircase and accidentally hit his head on the railing during his fall, rather than getting physically pushed and flying down the stairs, shattering his skull upon impact with the marble floor. Y'know what would be extra fun? If he only starts getting a bit suspicious about how severe the injury was once he realizes his lungs stop breathing for minutes at a time when he gets distracted, or his heartbeat stops dead in his chest. I know that that's not how biology or even creature works but lets say the HJ7 is funky, Zombie Jekyll my beloved. Perhaps he would only fully grasp what had happened once he blacked out too much and 'passed out', but his soul slipped out enough to leave his body unconscious on the floor while his soul/ghost was just... Watching. And it's not until Maijabi (who, as you said, follows him everywhere) immediately calls for more Lodgers saying that Henry's soul is getting unstable and Frankenstein's lousy job is starting to shine through that he fully understands that it was not a mere hit to the head. Or maybe it is when days, weeks, maybe months has passed and the headache never goes away, he only feels how his body starts feeling so much more... Fragile and delicate, that the guilt has eaten Helsby up alive and he corners him and spills everything, knowing he is going directly against what the group agreed to but not being able to keep it a secret much longer-- or maybe Creature would tell him immediately, once Henry is, for once, alone perhaps days after the initial accident. He cannot see Henry struggle to understand what is going on when he already knows what's happening to Henry, his mind, and his body. He doesn't listen to the plan that Frankenstein and the Lodgers has set up and immediately tells Henry the first moment they are alone. That would certainly be horrifying, I can only imagine how the Lodgers would find Henry after that, once he actually knows and manages to process everything. He would be so mad, not only to have been killed in the first place, but also because he was robbed of an afterlife because the Lodgers were selfish and could not accept the consequences of their actions. He would be mad, he would be so pissed and I have no doubt he might actually be mad at Maijabi too for even agreeing to help Frankenstein and the rest of the Lodgers. That anger would not stay long, though. That anger would soon turn into misery and sadness and paranoia so even as Henry has tried to push Maijabi away, Henry still ends up on his doorstep begging him to help him make sure he is not rotting, because no matter what anyone says, he is sure he can see rotten spots and patches on his skin and he is just so scared and jdhfjsdfdsfsfs... <3
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Ooooooohhh, I was actually daydreaming about this just this morning! Granted, I woke up at 5 and began to daydream to fall asleep quicker but I still like the thought of O'Leary being suspicious of Robert/Rachel/Jasper/the Lodgers bc he is protective of 'Thomas' and doesn't want anything bad to happen to him and especially with the idea that Henry still has hallucinations and they both think he was abandoned by his family, left to rot at a mental asylum. O'Leary might very well think that it might be Henry's friends and family that dumped him that Henry had 'escaped' the hospital and that's why they knew he was missing since the Asylum itself obviously wouldn't have posted the news... I really liked Jeks idea, okay? Like a lot, I absolutely love it <3
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Oh, the oldest AC game I played was Unity bc it was free after the Notre Dame fire, and I can confirm, I played 15 min and could not get through it even if i would have wanted to, it absolutely sucks so i have no doubt the older games are just as frustrating <3
BUT!!!! I'M SO GLAD MY CORRUPTION IS SPREADING AND YOU BOUGHT AND PLAYED IT AND ARE ENJOYING IT SO FAR!!! Trust me, Syndicate truly is an absolutely amazing game and is definitely one of my top 3 games of all time. I sometimes play it w my friend watching me play and trust me, I know that rage of trying to do smt but the character does smt else... or you try to do smt but the game doesn't react and you miss your chance... Oh well, still a wonderful game <3
My friend loves to play as Evie as well but I'm definitely playing Jacob every chance I get and I honestly get a lil pissy when I have to play as Evie bc I always prefer to play male characters, plus, I just like Jacob better bc he is a sweetheart. He is also canonically bisexual as hell!!! Have you met Abberline yet? The police officer? Him and Jacob together is one of my fave ships for the game. I also bought the ultimate/golden/whatever name it was edition so I had a bunch of extra outfits, I love the sherlock holmes outfit for Jacob but my friend keeps bullying me for it </3
Honestly? The time difference is the bane of my entire idea for the au bc if it's during their time Henry hasn't even graduated yet, and definitely not well-known enough for them to actively meet for whatever reason, and if you use the timeline for the jack the ripper dlc (in 1888) a lot of... Less than pleasant things happen so it wouldn't really make a lot of sense for a crossover to happen at that point but maybe it's just bc im a pussy and refuse to play the dlc. Rn, while imagining the au, I just imagine the 1868 timeline to be the same as the TGS timeline. I like to imagine the Frye Twins hearing about Henry and the Society and promptly breaking into his office to ask him to make poison and stuff for them. I also have a feeling that Jacob would flirt wildly with Henry and that Henry would be less-than-amused. It would also be a very fun thing with the fact that there would be two Henrys, with TGS Henry Jekyll and AC Syndicate Henry Green, soo... XD
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konaizumi · 3 years
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A Tale of a Thousand Stars ep 8 thoughts/reaction
did i watch this episode secretly on my phone while i was in class bc i couldn’t stand waiting a whole hour to watch the new ep? maybe
tian visiting torfun’s memorial to leave flowers and tell her that he’s going to pha pun dao was sweet
also him and phupha missing each other again was just a really nice scene and phupha wondering who left her flowers
i have decided to forgive dr nam for last episode (the snooping not the flirting thing) bc i know he was just concerned about his friend and he didn’t intend for phupha to have that kind of reaction, but he still should’ve confronted tian directly before telling phupha
the way tian is looking at longtae in the beginning, seeing how supportive he’s being and knowing that he’s probably about to lose longtae as well
god this scene was so painful to watch, just knowing what was coming
but the editing that combines tian’s speech with phupha reading through the notebook
also, thank you to the writers for confirming that the tian/torfun similarities are bc he’s been reading the notebook and not because torfun’s spirit is possessing him, i didn’t think they would do that but nice to have confirmation
poor tian really did go there with the best intentions
oof, when the music goes silent when phupha interrupts his speech
also, i said this last week, but it should’ve been the rangers responsibility to tell everyone torfun had died and the fact that they didn’t only added to tian’s burden and the animosity aimed at him, and it annoyed me the way the rangers (perhaps unintentionally) let tian take on the full blame and didn’t admit that they had known about torfun’s death from the start
god and the way tian’s heart break is visible on his face as soon as phupha interrupts/confronts him and he realizes that phupha won’t be on his side
and mix’s acting in this scene (and the entire episode) is just so good, you can see the way he’s desperately trying to keep in together and not completely break down, and his heartbreak when he realizes he’s all alone
also, i made a longer post about how i understand phupha’s reaction, I think it’s pretty natural and that he’s not overreacting, however, i do wish he hadn’t confronted tian so publicly like that 
just everything about this scene is just so good in the most painful way, especially the sad orchestral version of the theme song
now i think this ep is too sad for me to say it’s my favorite, but from a narrative/cinematography perspective it is my favorite, it was just really well done
i was really hoping the kids would have a bigger role this ep and begin the forgiveness process for the rest of the village, so i was excited when Meejoo came but then p’aof decided to stab me directly in the heart when she asked what death is
(also im sorry but how old are these kids that she doesn’t know what the word death is?)
(also given that everything that happens in this ep happens within like a 30 hour period, i still hold hope for the kids forgiving next ep once they have some time to process)
at least they didn’t make me watch the scene where tian had to explain what death was, that would’ve killed me
i understand the villager’s reactions too, and i do kind of wish tian would just stay home and give them some time to grieve and process before trying to interact with them–i don’t blame tian for keeping the truth from them this long, but he does need to respect the pain they’re going through
also this scene with phupha really fucked me up, the way phupha remains stone faced even though he’s clearly in a lot of pain
“i wish i could return it to her” one of the things about this story that really fucks me up is that you can’t have both torfun and tian--torfun had to die for tian to live, and if torfun had lived then tian would have died and all the characters are in a way stuck with this moral dilemma of “choosing” between tian and torfun, even if the decision was already made for them, and tian has had to deal with this problem since the beginning and made his choice a long time ago that he would have preferred that torfun had lived instead of him bc he feels like she had more to live for and left behind more than he would’ve
also the scene is so much more painful knowing that just that morning phupha had finally said out loud that he wanted tian to stay
and i was really ton this scene between understanding phupha’s reaction and where he’s coming from but also being like “please stop talking to my son like that, he feels bad enough as is”
i have often had the emotion of “i want to walk through the screen so i can give this character a hug” and i have literally never felt it stronger than this episode of atots
also thank you to dr nam who told phupha not that he was wrong for his actions, but that he should’ve confronted tian differently, also for figuring out that tian wasn’t the driver
the fact that tian just walked through the tea field so he knows that either khama was lying to him or that longtae saw him in the field and hid from him
poor longtae tho, thought he knew what was coming then was hit with “im responsible for her death”
you know what? i didn’t realize khama would have such a recurring role from the first episode, but i really like him--he’s trying to do his best for the village and that isn’t always easy and he’s the first to try to think about tian’s perspective even when it’s clearly difficult for him
also i love khaotung, he does a really good job as longtae, and as much as i loved him as chonlatee, i prefer him in more mature roles like longtae or fong
did dr nam really think phupha would keep letting tian stay in his room?
it came as a surprise to likely no one but i am glad to have definitve confirmation that tian was in fact not driving the car
against my wishes, tul did not show up this episode to give tian a hug so i hope he’s in the next ep to provide some much needed emotional support
tian’s involvement in torfun’s death is also complicated because to say he had no responsibility in it would be wrong but to say he had full responsibility wouldn’t be right either, there was so much of the situation that was just due to chance, as it the case in any accident, so i appreciate the nuance of the narrative in that tian does take responsibility (even if he takes too much) but other characters like longtae argue that it’s not his fault, bc it’s easy from an outside perspective to say it’s not tian’s fault but it would be much harder to be in tian’s position and not feel responsible that his actions lead to torfun’s death
longtae is truly best boi
tian saying he’s okay with just longtae understanding him is so sad but at the same time it’s good that he’s not trying to force other people to understand or forgive him
now i really want to know what torfun’s wish is bc you know it’s going to be all meaningful and thematically relevant
istg if i had a fucking nickel for every time tian has tried to give me a heart attack
i spent the entirety of part 4 yelling at tian to just stop being stupid
like i get it, you don’t feel like you have the time to waste to go find phupha, but still
also im worried that maybe the reason he was so adamant about doing it himself and not finding phupha was because he didn’t feel like he could go to phupha or that phupha might not believe him
tian please just listen to longtae being the voice of reason
or at least send longtae back to the village to go get phupha if you’re this determined
as soon as he pulled out his phone i fucking knew the flash would go off bc tian can’t be smart without also being dumb
pls don’t hit my son he has a weak heart
longtae running away like “i didn’t sign up for this shit”
pls stop hitting my son
i was wondering how tian’s dad would become involved in the story again and tian name dropping him to escape being killed by poachers was not it
but sakda was clearly scared when tian first said the name so obvi they’re connected and i’m assuming the person who called tian’s dad was either sakda or one of the other men there which means that tian’s dad is doing illegal shit (surprise surprise)
tian i know you’re stressed but pls let rang provide first aid
that montage at the end tho really hit me
also the parallels between this scene and the one when tian fainted in the field, it’s literally the exact same scene but the roles are reversed
also the fucking post credits scene, the emotional whiplash, the pain from knowing phupha said this stuff literally hours before everything went wrong
the way i squealed when phupha said i do (and throught the rest of the scene), it was literally the sweetest thing, it might be my favorite phutian moment so far
so for the last two episodes, im assuming that tian’s dad coming to get him and the dad being involved in illegal stuff will be the main external conflict, i wouldn’t be surprised if next ep ended with the dad showing up and demanding to take tian back
also the next ep preview, khama telling tian to forgive himself, im weak
this episode just made me feel so much, the story is just so complex and nuanced, and the characters are real and messy, and pls more bl in the future that aren’t afraid to tell more serious stories (as much as i love the romcom style of most bls i would love some more variety)
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angustully · 3 years
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long work post
so the new happenings at work is the guy who hired me left last week to work at deere (lmao) and now theres an opening for a full time position, and i dont think im incorrect in saying its basically mine if i want it. im the most recent new person that is like, decently capable in all the things i know how to do so far, and also the fact that jon (one of the current full timers) keeps saying cryptic things to me about how if i want something here i have to let people know and yadda yadda. its pretty clear to me that everyone i work with thinks i am right for the job. but the thing is i dont know if i want it... and i dont know if im feeling this way just because im like, scared of having more responsibility thrust upon me or that scared of actually like. achieving stuff bc its never actually happened to me...??? im scared of building a Career instead of just Having a Job..... idk! idk what to do. ive never been in any sort of authority position at any job or really even any social setting at all before, and i know with this its not like i would be immediately directing shows or anything but its probably something that could be happening by the end of the year. which is... idk its COOL but like really does freak me out lmfao ive never been the person that needs to have answers for everything and thinking about it makes me wanna scream dlkfdljd i dont know that i would be good at it! and wouldnt that be so fucking embarrassing if everyone expected me to be a good director and then i just fail so fucking miserably idk. theres also my current transportation issues ie im still sharing a car with my sister and also the fact that i dont think my pay would be going up at all, id just be working more hours and having to actually check my work email more than once a month which just sounds so not fun to me lmfao. i dont know!!! i feel like this month especially ive been starting to see the cracks in the workplace more often and like logically i know that i dont have to be here forever but. everyone else who works here has either been here forever or they leave pretty quickly so its just kinda.... making me want to think it over some more i guess. it doesnt help that i told my sister 1/4th of all these worries about it this morning and she just said “i think you should take it, why not” like ugh..... shut up....... idk i need someone to tell me what to do. working part time right now i was already thinking about getting a second job somewhere (because.... im very quickly going thru my savings thanks to sallie mae) and right now its like. well i could keep the one job and get more hours (and more responsibility) or i could work two jobs and have the baseline entry level employee duties at both. and the fact that i feel more okay with working two jobs says way more about me and my current comfort zone and like, ability to imagine good things for myself than i care to admit, so. whatever idk. okay thanks for reading my novel 🙄... please tell me how to live my life
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evansfm · 3 years
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𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 –– 𝐞𝐯𝐚𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 .
every  morning  evan  woke  up  to  a  london  sky  that  refused  to  let  the  sun  in  ;  summer  was  drier  than  spring  ,  but  the  clouds  seemed  to  linger  year  round  .  .  .  not  that  she  minded  .  she  had  ,  after  all  ,  grown  up  in  county  dublin  ,  where  things  were  always  a  bit  damp  .  still  ,  the  lack  of  COLOR  could  be  draining  .  .  .  so  she  searched  for  it  in  unexpected  places  ,  creating  little  pockets  of  color  for  herself  in  a  rather  grayscale  world  .  golden  lights  strung  on  her  balcony  ,  isla’s  bright  red  hair  and  matching  smile  ,  an  array  of  bright  letters  boasting  NME  lining  a  wall  ––  covers  from  past  decades  ,  a  rainbow  rubik’s  cube  next  to  her  keyboard  ,  two  framed  photographs  perched  on  her  desk  .  the  first  seemed  like  forever  ago  ,  a  beaming  eloise  with  a  twin  on  either  side  ;  beck  on  the  left  ,  evan  on  the  right  ,  both  planting  kisses  on  her  cheek  one  valentine’s  day  years  and  years  ago  .  the  second  was  more  recent  ,  backstage  at  a  show  in  galway  ;  kieran  sat  in  his  chair  with  his  fingers  intertwined  with  evan’s  as  she  draped  her  arms  over  his  shoulders  from  behind  ,  chin  resting  on  top  of  his  curls  and  a  smile  that  looked  SOFT  compared  to  the  goofy  one  ruairi  wore  ,  looming  behind  her  with  his  chin  on  her  head  .  she  felt  warmth  every  t​​ime  she  looked  at  them  ,  but  there  was  always  a  tug  in  her  stomach  .  .  .  the  undeniable  feeling  of  something  missing  .  she  found  her  little  pockets  of  color  ,  but  they  still  seemed  muted  w​​ithout  the  people  she  loved  ––  the  PERSON  she  loved  .
their  schedules  had  begun  to  clash  ––  and  evan  hated  the  way  she  was  beginning  to  get  used  to  the  dull  ache  of  his  absence  .  distance  had  been  a  part  of  their  relationship  for  months  ,  but  the  time  zones  were  killing  her  .  they  couldn’t  always  make  time  for  hours  wasted  away  on  facetime  ;  she  couldn’t  always  fall  asleep  to  the  sound  of  his  voice  on  the  other  end  of  the  line  .  they  were  both  where  they  were  supposed  to  be  ,  chasing  their  dreams  together  ,  separately  .  .  .  but  evan  was  beginning  to  wonder  if  the  path  she  was  on  ––  the  desk  ,  the  deadlines  ,  the  distance  ––  was  actually  what  she  WANTED  .  there  was  a  lack  of  creative  control  at  nme  ;  she  was  a  part  of  a  greater  whole  ,  confined  to  a  desk  when  she  wasn’t  out  in  the  field  .  she  felt  restless  .  .  .  bored  ,  almost  .  and  with  her  most  recent  deadline  met  and  a  job  of  her  own  ––  evan  connely  ,  sans  nme  ––  waiting  at  the  end  of  the  week  ,  she  was  distracted  .  
“  WHAT  are  you  doing  ?  ”  isla  popped  up  behind  her  ,  coming  out  of  nowhere  to  look  over  her  shoulder  .
“  jesus  ,  ”  evan  startled  ,  nearly  dropping  the  plastic  puzzle  in  her  hand  ,  “  where  t’e  fuck  did  you  come  from  ?  ”
“  charlotte’s  office  .  answer  my  question  .  ”
“  playing  wit’  a  toy  ,  ”  she  held  up  the  half  solved  rubik’s  cube  ,  then  let  out  an  audible  sigh  as  isla  looked  unimpressed  ,  then  jutted  her  chin  towards  the  computer  screen  ,  “  trying  to  put  together  a  mood  board  for  t’is  gig  i’ve  got  wit’  saint  valentine  on  friday  .  ”
perfectly  shaped  auburn  brows  raised  ,  “  we  got  saint  valentine  ?  ”
“  no  ,  ”  evan’s  lips  lifted  into  the  faintest  smirk  ,  “  i  got  saint  valentine  .  ”
“  you’re  bloody  joking  .  shut  UP  ,  ”  isla  gasped  ,  rounding  to  her  side  of  the  table  desk  ,  just  to  roll  her  chair  around  ,  “  and  you  didn’t  fucking  tell  me  ?  ”
“  no  ,  because  you  couldn’t  keep  a  secret  if  you  tried  .”
“  well  that’s  because  it  shouldn’t  be  a  fucking  secret  ,  ev  .  this  is  fantastic  ,  ”  hazel  eyes  widened  with  excitement  ,  “  so  you’re  shooting  them  for  ––  .  .  .  ”
“  t’ey  weren’t  too  explicit  about  it  .  i  know  for  certain  i’m  covering  bot’  shows  at  t’e  o2  ,  documenting  t’e  whole  thing  from  t’e  moment  they  get  there  ,  ”  evan  huffed  a  curl  away  from  her  face  ,  nodding  to  the  screen  ,  “  and  t’en  a  shoot  on  site  at  t’e  venue  .  so  i’ve  got  to  work  wit’  what  i’ve  got  .  i’ve  got  ONE  chance  here  ,  and  nicky  haven  scares  t’e  absolute  fuck  out’a  me  ,  so  i  can’t  blow  it  .  ”
“  nicky  haven  scares  EVERYONE  .  it’s  part  of  h​​is  charm  ,  ”  isla  leaned  in  ,  ma​​king  herself  perfectly  comfortable  in  evan’s  space  as  she  took  the  mouse  and  began  clicking  through  different  ideas  opened  on  photoshop  ,  “  let’s  see  what  you’ve  got  so  far  ––  .  .  .  ”
“  isla  ,  it’s  not  a  big  deal  .  really  i  shouldn’t  even  be  working  on  t’is  HERE  ,  right  now  .  it’s  not  exactly  nme  related  stuff  ,  you  kn––  ”
“  i  TOLD  you  she  was  here  today  ,  ”  a  girl  called  sophie  ,  who  manned  nme’s  front  desk  in  the  mornings  ,  materialized  on  the  other  side  of  evan’s  desk  .  a  junior  writer  ,  andrew  ,  was  hot  on  her  heels  .
“  soph  ,  now  really  probably  isn’t  the  best  time  and  it  really  isn’t  your  busi––  ”
“  someone’s  got  to  show  her  ,  ”  sophie  was  ,  admittedly  ,  obnoxious  .  and  coming  from  EVAN  ,  that  was  a  feat  .
“  show  WHAT  to  WHO  ?  ”  isla’s  voice  changed  in  tone  ,  taking  on  a  hint  of  authority  as  she  looked  at  andrew  ,  “  aren’t  you  meant  to  be  doing  some  social  media  research  right  now  ?  ”
“  i  WAS  ,  but  ––  ”
“  but  we’ve  found  something  that  evan  HAS  to  see  ,  ”  sophie  .  again  .
“  we  ?  ”
“  ME  ?  ”  evan  said  in  tandem  with  isla  ,  brows  lifting  as  she  clicked  the  final  piece  into  place  on  the  cube  .  she  glanced  over  at  isla  and  felt  a  strange  twist  in  her  stomach  when  she  saw  the  redhead  had  gone  rigid  .
“  is  this  about  ––  ”
“  rebecca  stringer  ,  ”  andrew  nodded  solemnly  ,  as  though  evan  was  supposed  to  know  who  the  hell  THAT  was  .
“  better  known  as  BEX  ,  ”  sophie  added  .
it  was  evan’s  turn  to  go  rigid  .  her  back  straightened  ,  and  it  felt  like  ice  had  just  been  shot  through  her  veins  .  truth  be  told  ,  she  was  more  worried  about  conflicting  schedules  lately  .  .  .  not  the  way  bex  sing-songed  a  shortened  version  of  kieran’s  name  .  .  .  or  the  way  she  answered  his  phone  and  simply  couldn’t  remember  who  evan  was  .  .  .  or  the  way  she’d  made  sure  evan  could  hear  her  promise  to  personally  deliver  kieran  to  his  hotel  room  that  first  night  in  los  angeles  .  it  wasn’t  exactly  PLEASANT  being  reminded  of  the  instinct  that  she’d  shut  down  ,  intuition  telling  her  something  wasn’t  quite  right  there  .  her  brows  pinched  together  as  the  rubik’s  cube  slid  from  one  hand  to  the  other  and  back  .  she  glanced  over  at  isla  with  a  prompting  look  .
“  we’re  .  .  .  doing  a  piece  about  nepotism  babies  in  the  industry  ,  and  she’s  a  PERFECT  example  of  one  so  i  was  having  andrew  look  into  the  way  she  interacts  with  fans  and  her  socials  and  what  not  .  she’s  one  of  like  TEN  people  we’re  look​​ing  into  ,  ”  she  explained  with  an  apologetic  look  .  it  was  then  that  she  turned  a  sharp  eye  to  andrew  and  sophie  ,  “  don’t  know  what  THAT  has  to  do  with  evan  ,  though  .  ”
“  see  for  yourself  .  ”
“  SOPHIE  .  ”
“  what  ?  it  probably  isn’t  even  new  information  for  her  ,  ”  she  shrugged  ,  reaching  over  two  monitors  to  hand  evan  a  phone  .  twitter  was  opened  to  a  profile  with  bex’s  beaming  face  in  the  icon  ,  but  the  handle  wasn’t  hers  .  she  gave  the  pair  of  them  a  skeptical  look  before  glancing  over  at  isla  who  only  offered  a  half  -  hearted  shrug  .  it  didn’t  take  long  to  see  what  ,  exactly  ,  sophie  had  been  talking  about  ,  a  slew  of  tweets  and  retweets  .
bexupdates  :  bex  &  kieran  pulled  up  to  the  venue  together  .  .  .  and  then  left  at  the  same  time  .  why  are  they  lowkey  so  cute  annathefound  :  not  bex  wearing  a  baby  tee  version  of  the  found’s  merch  .  .  .  stanning  her  boyfriend  just  like  the  rest  of  us  
ruairidailyposts  :  ok  wait  are  evan  &  kieran  even  dating  anymore  bc  i  could  be  down  with  a  bex  &  kieran  moment  cheerupbailey  :  @ruairidailyposts  you  know  two  people  can  have  a  relationship  without  posting  about  it  right  ???  they’re  in  separate  countries  rn  lol
babybexxx  :  i  just  think  that  bex  &  kieran  walsh  as  a  power  couple  .
bxhq  :  no  offense  but  bex  is  simply  so  much  better  for  him  than  some  rando  from  ireland  like  what thefoundupdates  :  @bxhq  babes  they  LITERALLY  grew  up  together  ????
totallyconan  :  be  honest  do  u  guys  think  the  reason  evan  isn’t  on  tour  with  them  is  bc  they’re  not  together  anymore  like  she  literally  never  misses  shows
adamfitzupdates :  why  are  y’all  so  obsessed  with  a  relationship  that  doesn’t  concern  you  ???  chill bexlevitates  :  @adamfitzupdates  bc  it’s  weird  that  evan  knew  him  for  so  long  and  only  started  dating  him  AFTER  the  found  started  to  get  big  like  that’s  shady
bexupdates  :  find  someone  who  looks  at  u  the  way  bex  looks  at  kieran  on  stage  wtf  did  y’all  see  that
newruleshq  :  no  waaaay  this  man  has  a  gf  when  he  and  bex  look  so  good  next  to  each  other  LMAO  
thefoundupdates  :  according  to  the  girl  who  wrote  the  article  kieran  literally  WALKED  OUT  on  the  interview  ???  rockstar  behavior  but  also  hope  he’s  ok
evan  could’ve  kept  scrolling  for  hours  as  her  heart  rate  began  to  rise  and  rise  .  the  crease  between  her  brows  deepened  ,  and  she  reminded  herself  of  everything  she  knew  to  be  true  .  kieran  LOVED  her  .  twitter  was  a  BRUTAL  place  .  it  was  as  though  the  worst  parts  of  her  subconscious  had  come  to  life  in  280  characters  or  less  .  her  head  began  to  swim  as  her  heart  sank  into  her  stomach  .
“  what  does  t’is  ––  .  .  .  ”  her  voice  cracked  ,  and  she  cleared  her  throat  ,  finally  looking  up  from  the  phone  screen  ,  “  why  ,  exactly  ,  are  you  showing  me  this  ?  ”  
sophie  looked  as  though  she  was  shocked  by  evan’s  question  ,  “  because  i’ve  dated  musicians  .  .  .  and  like  HALF  of  those  are  in  bex’s  likes  .  which  are  public  ,  by  the  way  .  just  doesn’t  seem  subtle  to  me  .  ”
“  are  you  trying  to  insinuate  something  here  ,  sophie  ?  ”  her  tone  shifted  ,  irritated  as  she  handed  the  phone  back  .
“  like  i  said  ,  i’ve  dated  guys  in  bands  ,  too  ,  and  ––  ”
“  enough  ,  ”  isla  snapped  ,  “  you’re  sticking  your  nose  where  it  doesn’t  belong  .  BOTH  of  you  should  be  off  doing  your  jobs  right  now  ,  so  ,  run  along  .  ”
both  of  them  scurried  off  without  a  word  .  
evan  was  still  for  a  moment  ,  but  her  fingertips  were  itching  for  the  keyboard  .  she  was  no  stranger  to  things  like  this  ,  unkind  words  from  strangers  who  didn’t  LOVE  the  idea  of  her  ––  despite  not  knowing  her  .  the  good  outweighed  the  bad  on  the  internet  ,  but  the  voices  who  didn’t  like  her  were  always  the  loudest  .  even  BEFORE  she  and  kieran  had  gone  public  with  their  relationship  .  .  .  even  before  they  were  ever  in  a  relationship  at  all  .  over  time  ,  she’d  learned  to  tune  it  out  and  focus  on  the  kindness  that  flooded  her  comment  sections  and  mentions  .  .  .  but  every  now  and  again  something  slipped  through  the  cracks  .  .  .  and  when  they  did  ,  she  absorbed  them  like  a  blow  to  the  abdomen  .  they  settled  into  her  memory  and  cemented  themselves  there  ,  tucked  away  until  they  found  the  perfect  moment  to  make  her  self  conscious  .  like  the  fan  who  had  commented  on  the  shape  of  her  body  before  and  after  going  to  uni  .  .  .  and  another  from  galway  who  made  it  their  business  to  let  everyone  know  she’d  slept  around  while  living  there  .  .  .  and  every  time  someone  said  she  wasn’t  good  enough  for  kieran  or  any  of  them  .  that  she  had  bad  intentions  ,  leeching  onto  the  boys  for  fame  .  that  her  career  was  based  SOLELY  on  the  four  of  them  .  
if  she  caved  and  kept  scrolling  ,  she’d  commit  it  all  to  memory  .  .  .  everything  that  made  her  intuition  about  bex  STRONGER  .  
instead  ,  she  launched  forward  and  snatched  the  rubik’s  cube  back  up  ,  immediately  distorting  its  perfect  faces  and  mixing  it  up  again  .  it  was  good  to  keep  your  hands  busy  ,  she  knew  ,  when  your  mind  began  to  run  away  .  
the  worst  of  it  wasn’t  even  TRULY  comments  about  their  relationship  .  .  .  those  hurt  ,  but  they  didn’t  sting  quite  as  bad  as  real  -  time  updates  about  kieran  and  bex  showing  up  or  leaving  venues  together  .  she  dulled  the  pain  by  reminding  herself  that  THREE  other  boys  were  never  too  far  behind  .  that  kieran  would  never  .  .  .  COULD  never  .  .  .  
but  then  again  ,  there  was  the  tweet  that  weighed  heaviest  in  her  mind  .  kieran  walked  out  in  the  middle  of  an  interview  ,  and  he  hadn’t  told  her  .  something  rattled  him  to  the  point  of  his  version  of  an  outburst  ,  and  he  hadn’t  told  her  .  that  seemed  like  something  he  would  have  told  her  .  .  .  it  seemed  important  enough  ,  she  thought  to  herself  ,  right  ?  RIGHT  ?
her  throat  felt  tight  ,  and  she  kept  running  the  tweets  she’d  read  over  in  her  mind  .  there  was  a  deep  furrow  in  her  brow  as  she  looked  down  at  her  hands  ,  still  vehemently  mixing  up  the  toy  .  something  felt  off  kilter  .  .  .  but  she  couldn’t  pin  down  which  hurt  more  :  the  slew  of  tweets  from  people  pretending  to  know  what  went  on  in  her  relationship  .  .  .  or  the  thought  of  kieran  doing  something  as  rash  as  storming  out  of  an  interview  ––  and  then  not  telling  her  .  
“  i  didn’t  know  about  t’e  interv​​iew  bit  ,  ”  she  said  quietly  ,  eyes  still  trained  on  the  colorful  cube  .  she  was  certain  her  face  was  the  opposite  ,  color  drained  .  
“  evan  ––  .  .  .  ”
“  it’s  fine  ,  ”  she  said  firmly  ,  “  it’s  probably  not  true  .  just  like  t’e  rest  of  it  isn’t  true  .  ”
her  voice  sounded  distant  .  .  .  and  she  wasn’t  sure  if  she  was  trying  to  convince  isla  or  HERSELF  .  clearing  her  throat  again  ,  she  set  the  toy  back  down  on  her  desk  and  scooted  towards  the  computer  .  
“  i’ve  got  work  to  do  ,  ”  she  said  quietly  ,  getting  back  to  the  monitor  .  though  all  she  wanted  to  do  was  go  home  .  how  many  more  people  thought  that  she  wasn’t  GOOD  ENOUGH  for  kieran  ?  how  many  people  thought  someone  like  bex  was  a  better  fit  ?  how  long  would  it  take  for  the  suggestion  to  become  potent  enough  to  make  the  people  who  KNEW  them  question  it  as  well  ?  and  if  kieran  had  walked  out  of  an  interv​​iew  ,  WHY  hadn’t  he  told  her  ?  
she  glanced  down  at  her  own  phone  screen  ,  hoping  that  maybe  she’d  missed  a  text  or  a  call  .  .  .  but  all  she  got  was  nothing  .  nothing  but  the  words  she’d  seen  written  down  ,  now  cemented  in  her  mind  :  bex  is  simply  so  much  better  for  him  .  .  .  because  SHE  was  there  ,  wrapped  up  in  the  same  world  he  was  in  .  she  was  accessible  .  immediate  .  beautiful  .  
and  evan  was  stuck  in  london  with  nothing  but  time  to  wonder  .
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Can i request a scenario for Darui, before the five kage summit, where the reader-who is his steady gf-discovers that they're pregnant and has like a nervous moment because he's the raikages bodyguard and he may not have time to have a child so the reader tries to talk to him but they're too late bc he leaves for the summit before they get to him? Im sorry for the details btw
Thank you for the request. 
Late News, Darui
Your period was late. It was late by more than a couple of days; by two weeks. Which is why you were out here at the pharmacy picking up a pregnancy test. You felt restless until you knew for sure. This wasn’t the first scare you had, so you weren’t too expectant of the test being positive, but you were concern for your health if you weren’t pregnant.
You tapped your foot impatiently in line as you waited to pay. You threw in some candy and other household items with your purchase to not make it look so obvious as to why you were there. You couldn’t wait to get home. The nerves were building up inside you. Your mind was racing like it had before when this happened.
You had panicked drastically the first time you were late by a couple of days and had told your boyfriend Darui immediately. Of course, he became concerned for you and suggested you get tested. Both of you waited anxiously for the results of the little pee stick only to both laugh and breathe a sigh of relief when it came back negative.
The thought of kids and having babies together had come up in conversation before and you two both knew you wanted them, but particularly, you two didn’t want them yet. Darui was still climbing up in his career at the time and he wanted to become more situated to have time to spend with his kids.
You, on the other hand, wanted to hold off on having kids. Mostly because you were nervous about them. You loved everybody else’s kids, but you loved the fact more that you could give them back after you were done holding them. You didn’t know what kind of mom you would be, but you knew you wanted to be a good one.
You didn’t tell Darui this time when you were late. You didn’t want to concern him if it was nothing again. Finally, you got up to the counter and had all your products checked out. The cashier placed your items in a bag and soon you were on your way back home. You walked swiftly through the streets of Kumogakure and to your lovely apartment shared with Darui. If you were having kids, you would like to move out of this apartment and get a house instead, you thought as you unlocked the door.
Your future plans about having babies were halted the moment you walked into your living space. In front of you, you witnessed Darui gathering his ninja gear and essentials.
“Babe?” you spoke gathering his attention from the entry way. “You got assigned a mission?”
“Yea. It will be real quick though. I’ll probably be back within a few days.” Darui answered, after having looked up at you. He didn’t pause in his packing.
“When are you leaving?” you wondered. You felt a knot in your stomach. It wasn’t usual for Darui to be assigned missions unless it was high ranked due to his position as the Raikage’s bodyguard. He used to go on all kinds of missions for months at a time when you two first started dating, but it hasn’t happened in a while.
“Now.” Darui answered, his voice monotone.  “A Kage Summit is being convened in the Land of Iron.”
“Oh.”
You knew why he was leaving now, and you felt some relief since the Raikage would be with him, but at the same time, it was Darui’s job to protect the Raikage even at the expense of his life. You knew Darui was strong and capable, and you knew his position and rank was honorable. You were proud of him for all he had accomplished and yet, you were still nervous for him.
Your pause at the door drew Darui’s concern.
He came over to you. His hand touched your cheek, drawing your eyes to him. “I’ll be back. Don’t stress”.
You nodded and he leaned in for a kiss. Your lips softly brushed each other and when he broke away, you saw the love he had in his eyes.
He then looked down.
“Do you need help carrying anything in?” He questioned about to reach for the bag.
You quickly moved the bag from his reach and shook your head quickly.
“Nope. This is it. I got it.” You laughed casually.
Darui gave you an odd look but shrugged it off. He went back to the living room to grab his kunai pouch off the table that he had packed while you scurried off to the bedroom to put your bag down. You came back out to give Darui one last big hug before he left.
You felt safe in his arms, but the moment he let go and kissed your lips goodbye again, you felt uneasy. The thought of your possible pregnancy coming to mind, but you knew telling him right now would only distract him from his current mission. He had to leave. He couldn’t wait to know the news with you and you wanted him to have a clear head.
When he left, you made your way to the bedroom and searched inside the bag for the test. You went to the bathroom to do your business and all that was left was the waiting game.
While you waited, you tried not to psych yourself out. Your mind was also on Darui and you tried to convince yourself that he will be okay. Being with a partner that was a shinobi was rough and took a lot of work. There was some things that couldn’t be shared and a lot of times spent apart. You wondered how raising a kid would be together.
When time was up, you took a big breath before flipping the test result over. You blinked absently and had to re-read the directions to make sure you were reading the test correctly. Once you had your answer, you felt surprisingly calm. You sat back on your bathroom floor with your head against the wall, looking up at the ceiling.
You were going to be a mom.
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complcatedfreak · 4 years
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we’re soulmates.
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in which y/n and peter's class go to MOMA and they discover a big secret.
part one part two
A/N: this is a soulmate au series, which will contain both endgame and infinity war spoilers. however, this part is when they begin. Parts after this will ignore the canon.
Mj: ice cream date tonight??
Ned: I’ll ask but I don’t think it’ll be a problem
Peter: what time? it depends bc of the stark internship
Y/N: i can go :)
 Peter’s smile faltered a bit when Y/N said she could go. Something inside of Peter just wanted to be around her. For the first time since he’d discovered his powers, he considered taking a day off. It was only for a brief moment before he remembered the entire city of New York is probably more important than getting ice cream with a girl he met two days ago. Just probably. Plus, he still got to see her in school and would be able to text all weekend without it being weird, you know, because of the whole groupchat thing. Peter had come to really enjoy texting Y/N. She was funny and always had an appropriate meme for whatever they were discussing. She fit right in with himself, Ned and Mj. It was nice to have her around.
Y/N was happy when Mj sent the ice cream date text to the entire groupchat, rather than the individual message Y/N had woken up to. It was originally supposed to be a ‘get to know you’ hangout session so that the girls of the group could bond, but both ladies quickly agreed it would be more fun if everyone was there. It’d be a nice way for all four of them to relax into a dynamic that worked outside of school. Plus, it would allow for Y/N to get comfortable enough for her to ask to join their group for the class field trip to MOMA that was coming up in a next week. It had only been about a week since she met them, but there was something interesting about each one of them, and it only made Y/N want to continue being around them.
The school day was about as easy as it gets for Peter. It being a Friday meant the teachers wanted to relax just as much as the students did. Maybe even more, considering it was a long weekend. Most of his day was spent trying to catch up on the novel they were reading in English and trying to keep up with the mass flood of text messages from the groupchat. Peter kept thinking about how well Y/N seemed to easily filter into their little nerd group. He was happy to have her there, but something seemed off. A pretty girl like her who’s also funny would never usually pick the three least cool kids in school to hang out with, but here she was. He was grateful she chose them. “What’cha thinking about?” Mj cheerfully interrupted his thought process, while also pulling his eyes away from the pages of the book he was supposed to be reading. “I don’t know how to explain it,” Peter answered, shocking himself. He has never been this open with Mj. “Well, Parker, I’ll listen to whatever first-world problem you have going on for a little bit,” Mj said with a fake smile plastered on her face. Honestly, Peter wanted to tell someone about it, even if it was Mj’s ridiculously sarcastic self. “Mj,” Peter started, wondering how to approach this subject, “my initials match someone’s name, they even had a line through them.” Mj’s face lit up, “PETER WHAT?” She exclaimed, drawing the eyes of everyone in his last period class. “Shut up!” Peter shushed, “It’s not a definite thing, I don’t know her middle name, but the first and last names work out and I’m scared because I kinda like her already, but I’m scared.” Peter was talking way too fast, but it seemed as though Mj understood. “Is it Y/N?” she whispered. Peter’s face immediately went red, “n-no,” Mj smirked as the bell rang, “Whatever, Parker.” “This is the last time I’m telling you anything!” Peter called as she disappeared out of the classroom door.
MJ: y/n you’re joining our MOMA group right
Y/N: is that okay? i don’t wanna intrude
MJ: i mean ur name is already on the sign-up list with is
MJ: *us
Ned: I did that :)
MJ: oh okay im excited for you to join
Why wasn’t Peter answering? After waiting for two hours after MJ’s last text, Y/N began to get insecure about joining the group because she didn’t have his approval. What if he didn’t want her around? What if he didn’t like her? Suddenly feeling very small, Y/n tossed her phone to the other side of her bed, deciding to catch up on her reading for English. She had been lost for the rest of the last unit with the whole transferring schools thing, so she didn’t want to fall behind this time. A few hours passed and she hopped between reading her novel and digging through food in the fridge. She knew she was eating out of nerves and boredom, but hey, what’s a few calories when your potential soulmate may hate you?
Peter quietly closed his bedroom window and quickly pulled off his mask. He didn’t necessarily have to be secretive anymore but walking through the front door in his spidey suit wasn’t something he wanted to risk. Stripping out of the rest of the suit, he made his way to the bathroom. He pulled out his phone to connect to the speaker in the bathroom and noticed the missed texts from the “peter “i drop chemicals because i cant do math” parker” groupchat. Y/N’s joining their MOMA group. Y/N’s joining their MOMA group! Y/N’S JOINING THEIR MOMA GROUP! He fist bumped the air, instantly feeling ten times more excited for the field trip next week. Maybe this would be his chance to find out if her middle name started with the second letter on his wrist. Peter hopes it does. Truthfully, Peter really hopes Y/N is his soulmate. He really likes her.
The weekend flew by for Y/N. Peter finally answered in the groupchat and was equally as excited that she was joining as everyone else. Besides that, it was full of homework and studying. The group did meet up for ice cream on Monday, since they were off, but Peter had to leave early, due to an internship he had with Tony Stark. Y/N liked that he was dedicated to things, as well as the fact that he was intelligent enough to be working for THE Tony Stark. Y/N has decided she really, really likes him. He’s funny, cute and smart? How could she not? He’s also really kind, which Y/N learned while they were out getting ice cream and she dropped hers. Peter instantly offered her his, as well as offered to pay for a new for her. Y/N was too shy to ever let either of those things happen, so she bought herself a new one, but even just the small gesture had her heart fluttering. So, once they got back in school on Tuesday, Y/N felt very comfortable with Peter. They hung out during homeroom, walked to classes together, and hung out at lunch. Y/N thinks Peter even tried to hold her hand because she felt his hand brush hers when they were standing together in the lunch line. She wasn’t sure, though.
To say Peter was distracted when he went out as Spider-Man after school would be an understatement. Of course, he still did his job and did it right, he just did it while recalling every moment he spent with Y/N. He knew it was becoming redundant, but he couldn’t help but to give Happy the run-down about his new updates with his potential soulmate. Happy was annoyed, but Peter thought he detected a small hint of fondness behind his tone. When he got home, Peter had the best sleep of his life. The next morning, he got up, got dressed and ran to Del-Mar’s to make sure he had something to eat on the trip. Then, he made his way to the school to check-in and find his group.
“PARKERRRR,” Ned yelled down the hallway, making both Y/N and Mj jump. Mj turned towards Peter, waved and then flipped him off. Y/N laughed, shooting him a little wave with a smile. “Aren’t you two gonna get hot?” Mj asked, gesturing to Peter’s jacket and the flannel Y/N had thrown over her shirt. “No!” Peter said very defensively. “It makes my outfit cuter,” Y/N pouted. Ned laughed, rolling his eyes at his friends.
Soon, they were all sat in their seats on the bus. Y/N and Mj were across the aisle from Peter and Ned, due to the ‘boys can’t sit with girls’ the bus-driver had instilled. Y/N happily shared her headphones with Mj, showing her new songs as her head rested against the bus window. It was a very short, comfortable bus ride and before they knew it, they were inside of New York’s Museum of Modern Art. Each group broke off, allowing the teenagers to see what they wanted to. Mj and Ned were very adamant about Elle Pérez’s Diablo exhibit, so the group headed there first. Due to their enthusiasm, Ned and Mj strayed ahead of Y/N and Peter, giving them a chance to chat. It was mindless chatter; pointing out pieces they liked along the way, pointing at some creature in the works and saying “it’s you” to each other, things like that. Nothing important.
Until they got to their final exhibit. Peter mindlessly rolled up his sleeve. Mj was right, he was getting hot, and he was too comfortable to remember he was supposed to be hiding his wrist. It was fine for about five minutes, before Y/N let out a gasp. Mj, Ned and Peter turned around to face her. Peter cocked his head, “Are you okay?” Y/N answered quickly: “Can I talk to you?”. Before Peter could even answer she was grabbing the wrist that had her initials across them and dragging him away from their friends, leaving Ned and Mj with confused stares.
“What’s going on?” Peter asked once Y/N freed him from her grip. “Peter,” Y/N’s eyes were wide, as if she was putting on a puppy-face, “my initials are on your wrist. I think yours are on mine.” She tugged the sleeve of her flannel up, showing Peter the crossed-off “PBP” that went across it. Peter broke out into a huge smile, reaching up to run his fingers across the letters. He stared at her wrist for a second before looking her in her eyes, “We’re soulmates.” Y/N nodded at his statement, pulling him in for a hug.
It was time for the ride home. Peter let go of Y/N’s hand for the first time since they had their revelation when it was time to get on the bus. They texted through most of the ride, until Y/N’s phone died. Peter sat and played games on his for a while.
Peter felt the hairs on his arm stand up (the one with Y/N’s initials on it), and immediately looked away from his phone. His eyes landed on the spiral ship behind the bus. He was immediately grateful that he brought his suit, scanning over the bus full of his classmates. His eyes lingered on his soulmate, who met his gaze. She flashed him a smile of reassurance before turning to look back out of the window. Peter tapped Ned, “I need you to cause a distraction.” Ned was panicked before his eyes landed on the ship, “oh shit. WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!” Everyone on the bus began to panic, causing the chaos Peter needed to escape. He waited until Y/N had moved from the seat across the aisle to join the crowd in the back of the bus to web out of it, prepared to help the city, and the avengers, with whatever it needed.
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firelord-frowny · 3 years
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sooo im feeling Bad and Sad bc according to my fitbit, i’ve fallen from the “poor-fair” range for my cardio fitness, and am now just plain “poor.” :(
i knoooow i should not put too much stock into a fitness tracker, and i’ve heard about how fitness trackers may ~underestimate~ your stats in an effor to get you to invest more money in fitness products, but I do take the time to check my own bpm manually, and my fitbit is never far off from reality, and I find that it does do a pretty good job of giving me a broad view of how much activity I’m getting every day.
When I first got a fitbit a few years ago, I started out in the “poor-fair” range, but in a few months, I worked my way up to “fair-average” and I felt SO proud! That was a time during which I’d been really committing to ~going out for a run~ at least 3 times a week and I was able to nag my mommy into going on short hikes with me on a semi-regular basis. 
then i guess i fucking got depressed as per usual and I quit doing healthy things and gave in to the same maladaptive self-soothing behaviors a la lying down all day and eating shockingly abhorrent amounts of junk food. And i didn’t want to be constantly reminded of how awfully i was treating myself, i took off my fitbit and left it off.
And then after several months, I felt okayish again, so I put my fitbit back on. I was back in the “poor-fair” range and then worked my way back to “fair.” Feelin great!
Then I, on EXTREMELY short notice, like, less than a month beforehand, I got invited to participate in a chamber music festival and perform one of my absolute favorite pieces - tchikovsky’s string quartet no. 1. So like. There was absolutely no way I was gonna pass that up. But it was so hugely stressful bc despite my technical prowess* in actually playing violin, I’m a TERRIBLY slow learner. And I had to whip together a tchaik quartet in like two and a half weeks. I practiced literally all day and all night, and I pulled it off! Then the festival starts, and I meet with my quartet, and we immediately jump right into an intense daily schedule of rehearsals and coachings.
It was so fucking stressful. 
My resting heart rate went from like 82bpm, all the way to like 97. Just because of the stress. And then the fact that I was literally watching my heart rate skyrocket, was causing me even MORE stress and anxiety. So I took off the fitbit again. 
But that time, even after the festival was over, i was too scared of seeing what my heart rate was to put the fitbit back on. And all the self loathing i was experiencing because of that very fact kept me from feeling motivated to try to improve any more. 
And now, I have a new fitbit and i’ve been doing light exercise with my mommy almost every night, so I figured alright, this level of exercise probably won’t improve my fitness very much, but it will at least stop me from getting worse. 
NOPE. and I’m just. So discouraged and i feel like the exercising i’ve been doing has all been for nothing. like, i feel like so much of a failure that even when i AM exercising, I still just don’t fucking improve. 
to my credit, i’m under a lot of stress now like I was at the festival, so maybe it’s just anxiety that’s causing my heart rate to be so high at the moment. 
I mean I know I’m capable of improving, but it really doesn’t feel like that right now.
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mimi-cee-hq · 4 years
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Notice me, Y/n-senpai - Yamaguchi x Reader
So this is the first time I’ve done a match-up. I offered to do one because I thought it’d be fun. I don’t know how I thought of this so quickly though. I guess when inspiration comes… I have a bit of a writer’s block with Accidental Confession at the moment. I hope you like how I characterized an anime version of you in my style of writing. I went a bit more with your empathy trait and exaggerated some other things too.
Request from @haikoo​:
well physically i would say im tall (5'9) and im just the average body. my hair is blonde and i have light brown eyes also i wear glasses bc im literally blind. i’m usually very rational and logical, and im very observant which makes me look very serious and maybe even rude bc of my facial expressions but im actually very energetic, nice and easy to talk to. im always making people laugh despite all my sarcasm and humor and i enjoy making new friends. i used to play volleyball (where i put my observation skills to use) but i dont anymore bc of an injury. i love being organized even tho sometimes i don’t follow my own rules, and im definitely a perfectionist which makes me usually overwork myself. lastly, im very enpathetic.
Summary:
Y/n helps a certain player get more noticed by his coach, not knowing how embarrassed she’ll be when he uses her tactic back at her. A funny and cute “notice me, senpai” match up one-shot where y/n is the senpai.
Preview:
“It’s fine,” Y/n said with a laugh, “You don’t have to do it. I mean, I think it would be hilarious, but if it makes you uncomfortable-”
“I’ll do it,” he replied.
“What?” Y/n said. It caught her off-guard since she was not expecting that.
“I’ll do it,” he said again, with the same determined face that she had noticed during his matches. “I’ve always admired people with the confidence to do something like that, so I’ll force myself to do it.”
Notice me, Y/n-senpai! - Yamaguchi x Reader
AO3 link if you want to read there instead
Words: 3,004
Tanaka and Nishinoya were energetically chatting in their classroom - things like Kiyoko-senpai as well as their volleyball team. Y/n wasn’t surprised that school work wasn’t one of those topics though.
“I don’t know how your team will cope now,” Y/n commented to the two of them. “Two of your best receivers graduated.” Y/n had known about their team because she was at the game against Shiratorizawa, cheering in the stands. Her friend had suggested to her that she should go. She had thought Y/n’s energetic personality would be perfect for the job. Y/n definitely went, especially since she loved volleyball.
“Wait a moment,” said Tanaka with a glint in his eye. “Do you know what’s the difference between a serve receive and a dig?”
“Of course,” Y/n answered. “You have to bump the ball for both, but one is from a serve and the other is from a spike.”
Nishinoya’s eyes lit up, as if catching onto why Tanaka was asking. “Do you know what a free or chance ball is?”
“Yeah,” Y/n said like it was obvious. “It’s when the opponents aren’t able to attack so they just lob the ball back over the net.” The two gave each other a look while Y/n was just confused. “I don’t get it. You two already know that I-”
Tanaka and Nishinoya suddenly picked up Y/n, all 5’ 9" of her, and carried her to a second year class. “What are you doing?!” she yelled out at them. She couldn’t believe that the 5’ 3" short libero was one of the guys carrying her.
Y/n suddenly found herself in front of Yachi. She stared at her for a moment, noting that she was really short. She looked at her more closely and figured that she was almost a foot taller than her. She wondered if she had always had a kouhai this cute in her school.
“S-sorry!” apologized Yachi to her. “I- I’m really bad at being a manager.”
Y/n got confused as to why she would apologize to her for something like that. Apparently, Y/n missed Tanaka’s explanation on how Yachi needed help with recording statistics for the team.
“Could you stop making that face?” asked Tsukishima. “You’re scaring Yachi.”
When Y/n realized that she was staring at Yachi a little too intently, she said, “Oh sorry!” She started to say, “I’m actually really friendly! I just-.” She stopped, initially wanting to explain that she only looked rude or scary when she was thinking about something, but she wished that she didn’t have to explain it every time. “Never mind.”
Later, Tanaka and Nishinoya introduced Y/n to the team as they waited for their opponents to arrive for a practice match.
“Is she Tsukishima’s sister?” asked Hinata.
“Yes,” Tsukishima sarcastically replied. “All girls with blond hair, brown eyes and glasses are my sisters.”
“Really?” said Hinata with sparkles in his eyes as he looked at Y/n.
“No,” Tsukishima answered as Yamaguchi snickered at him.
As the teams warmed up before the game, Y/n sat at the bench beside Yachi. She analyzed the players’ different forms and strengths as they practised their serves.
“What’s with her face?” Kageyama commented.
“She looks like she’s planning a murder,” added Tsukishima.
“Maybe because I am,” Y/n said sarcastically.
Tanaka stepped in to defend her and said, “You shouldn’t be talking about a girl’s face like that!” Tsukishima commented that Tanaka probably got offended because he looked like that pretty often. But then he looked away when Tanaka glared at him as if he was going to kill him. Y/n laughed at how Tanaka looked and decided that she didn’t have a favourable impression of either Tsukishima or Kageyama.
When the game started, Y/n took a glance at the players on the sidelines, cheering for their team. She recognized a few of them, especially their pinch server. She remembered when she was on the sidelines too and sympathized with them.
“Yachi,” Y/n asked, “do you have footage of your other matches?” Yachi later gave them to her, not realizing what Y/n was about to get into.
Y/n decided to binge watch all of their matches that night and as a result, she was sleepy the next day. It wasn’t like she hadn’t watched some of their matches before. She had made sure to watch their tournament games whenever they were on TV. She just wanted to get a second look of their games with the ability to pause in between plays. Y/n started by recording the stats for each game by counting every spike, block and dig per person, but it was too much work and it felt useless, so she just started to write her own notes based on her observations. So at their practice, a sleepy Y/n told each player on the team what they could improve on.
“How did you analyze so much?” Tanaka and Nishinoya asked with their jaws dropped.
“Oh, I actually have more,” Y/n grinned as she showed the rest of her notes. Inside an organized notebook, she had a page worth of content for each player. She had written their name, profile, strengths and weaknesses, and even detailed steps on things they could do to improve.
Tsukishima looked at her like he wanted to say a sarcastic comment, but he couldn’t because her notes were too accurate.
“I think you just don’t like that she pointed out your weaknesses,” Yamaguchi laughed at him. He looked at Y/n with a smile. “I’m surprised I’m in there too, especially since I’m not a starting player.”
“Of course I didn’t overlook you!” she said. “You’re the ones who want to improve the most!”
She could see that Yamaguchi really appreciated it. She had also written down their goals that she had gotten from Yachi, so she knew that Yamaguchi wanted to be a starting player and to have a bigger presence on the court.
“By the way, you look really tired,” noted Yamaguchi. As if he noticed something about her, he asked, “When did you start making these notes?”
“Last night.”
“What?!” he freaked out at the fact that she stayed up late just to help their team.
“Oh, this kind of happens often because I’m kind of a perfectionist and I can get carried away with things,” she told him. “But don’t worry! I’m used to this!”
Yamaguchi just sweatdropped at her, “Of course you’ll make people worried about you. You’re making me worried right now.”
Over the next month or two, Y/n continued to watch some of their practices and assisted Yachi and the coach whenever she could. So when they didn’t make it to the nationals the next time around, it pained her to see them lose their game, knowing how hard they had worked. She noticed that Yamaguchi was also trying to figure out a way for them to get over their loss and to encourage them to keep trying harder. Y/n wanted to help as well, but instead, she thought of a silly idea, which may or may not help.
She approached Yamaguchi one day, telling him that she had an idea that would cheer up the team and would also get him noticed by the coach. If he did it, you could say that he’d have a bigger presence on the court without even trying. So when she told him her idea, he freaked out, which she expected.
“It’s fine,” Y/n said with a laugh, “You don’t have to do it. I mean, I think it would be hilarious, but if it makes you uncomfortable-”
“I’ll do it,” he replied.
“What?” Y/n said. It caught her off-guard since she was not expecting that.
“I’ll do it,” he said again, with the same determined face that she had noticed during his matches. “I’ve always admired people with the confidence to do something like that, so I’ll force myself to do it.”
For some reason, his determination had caught her eye again. But the next day, you could say that Yamaguchi started to chicken out.
“Where did all that determination from yesterday go?!” asked Y/n as she tugged on Yamaguchi’s arm to pull him into the second gymnasium. “Do you know what I had to do to get this costume for you? I have to do my brother’s chores for a week now!”
“I didn’t think I’d look like this!” Yamaguchi yelled back.
They both froze when they saw Tsukishima walking along the path between the school and the gym. He also froze when he saw Yamaguchi. Y/n could see the drops of sweat on Tsukishima’s head forming. He then proceeded to the gym as if he didn’t see anything.
“Tsukkiii! Help me!” cried out Yamaguchi.
“What kind of guy ditches his best friend like that?!” Y/n yelled after him.
But of course he would be embarrassed by Yamaguchi at that moment. He was wearing a chicken costume. But that wasn’t all. He wore a t-shirt over it that said, “I’m going to be a starting player. So if you become a chicken, I’ll take your position!”
“BAHAHAHAHA!” Tanaka and Nishinoya both laughed at him after Y/n finally got him inside. Yamaguchi placed a hand on the wall, forgetting why he did this in the first place.
“Well, this would definitely get me noticed,” said Yamaguchi. “But this won’t improve my skills.”
“You should do both,” Y/n grinned at him. “Get the coach’s attention while you improve on your skills.”
“I guess we can’t let ourselves get too discouraged about the preliminaries now when we have to worry about Yamaguchi taking our position from us,” said Tanaka with a grin.
“Well, he could take a middle blocker or a wing spiker position,” said Kageyama. “But it’s not like he could be a setter.”
“Who knows,” said Y/n. “With how hard he works, it’s not impossible.” Yamaguchi gave her a look as if she were crazy.
Yamaguchi sighed, “I still can’t believe I wore this.”
Y/n just smirked at him. “You know, I thought it was actually really cool that you were determined to do this in the first place.” Yamaguchi blushed at her comment. “But it seems like you have a daily limit of confidence,” she laughed.
*****
Yamaguchi got to know Y/n better over the months at school and practice. Since she liked making new friends, she somehow kept pulling him into her antics. She told him that she was surprised that he could keep up with her energetic personality. He figured that someone had to take care of her.
“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask,” said Yamaguchi. “Do you have any suggestions on how I can spike harder?”
Y/n went on to explain things like proper spiking form and that he would need to twist his whole body to get strength from all of his muscles. “I’d show you, but I injured my shoulder.”
“What?!” exclaimed Yamaguchi as he panicked. He felt so bad that he didn’t even notice it these past few months. “Ugh… I feel like a horrible friend.”
“It’s fine. It’s not like I brought it up before,” said Y/n. She continued to explain that she kept practising her spiking swing at home, which overworked the tendons in her shoulder. So during an actual game, she had spiked the ball and then she had felt a sharp pain, which ran from her shoulder and down her back. But since they had been so close to winning, she had pushed through the pain.
After learning this, Yamaguchi did some research on muscle pain. He bought all of these medical supplies for Y/n. But then later, Y/n told him that he didn’t need to because she was already working with a physiotherapist. Yamaguchi couldn’t believe that he did all that research for nothing, but she still appreciated the effort.
One day, Yamaguchi walked down the school hallway with Tsukishima. When he peaked into Y/n’s classroom, he noticed that Y/n was chatting with Tanaka and Nishinoya. He sighed, commenting that he wished he was a year older. “She’s only a year older,” replied Tsukishima. “I don’t get why the whole senpai/ kouhai thing matters so much to people.”
Yamaguchi flinched in shock that Tsukishima knew that he was talking about. But then again, he knew that Tsukishima was pretty perceptive, so he shouldn’t have been surprised. “I just don’t know how I can get her to notice me.”
“What do you mean?” snickered Tsukishima. “She introduced a perfect method to you.”
*****
Y/n walked into the gym, expecting a regular practice, but when she saw Yamaguchi, her whole face turned red and she yelled out, “What the heck is that?!” He was wearing a custom-made t-shirt with Y/n’s face on it, saying, “Y/n-senpai is really cool!” Yamaguchi struggled to give an answer right there, especially with his teammates laughing their butts off. So Y/n dragged him out of the gym and asked him what was going on.
“I- I just wanted you to notice me, Y/n-senpai,” said Yamaguchi timidly.
“What do you mean? You’re my friend!” she replied.
“I mean as a potential boyfriend. B- But I don’t expect you to like me back right now,” he said as he started to get flustered. “I figured that I’d get you to notice me while I worked on getting you to like me.”
Y/n blushed at his direct confession. She thought it sounded familiar, but then she realized that was the same advice she had given him to get the coach’s attention. She giggled at Yamaguchi for using her tactic, but she was suddenly conscious of how close his face was to hers. He was only about a couple of inches taller than her so she got a good view of his freckles.
“Y- You don’t have to do use that t-shirt to get my attention!” Y/n told him. “Do you think I’m blind or something?” When he didn’t answer right away, she added, “Okay, I’m basically blind without my glasses, but you don’t have to wear a t-shirt with my face on it.” She then turned her head away from him and muttered, “Besides, I had already noticed you.”
When Y/n had been in the stands at the Shiratorizawa game, she had noticed Yamaguchi freaking out before their big match. They had needed to win three matches against the powerhouse school. She had known that they still had a chance since they did somehow make it to the finals.
She had been surprised when Yamaguchi was subbed in. When she had realized that he had been there as a pinch server, she had found it interesting because she had never had a pinch server on her team before. When he had been subbed back out, she had thought it must have sucked to only be able to play for one rotation per set. He must have wanted to be able to play even longer.
Y/n had thought it was really cool anyway because she saw he was still a very valuable player as a pinch server. He had to ability to turn the game around with how good his serves were. She had later wondered what happened to the nervous boy she saw earlier. During his serve, he had looked a lot cooler and more confident.
When she had found out that she could have an opportunity to actually help the team, of course she had gotten too carried away. She had wondered why she was working so hard, but had just brushed it off, thinking that it was her perfectionist side coming out again. When she had seen how much Yamaguchi appreciated her work, she had wanted to help him even more. She didn’t know when her empathy turned into actually having a crush on him.
“I like you too,” she said with a blush.
“What? Really?” Yamaguchi was shocked.
“Why do you think I worked so hard on analyzing the team’s matches? I was especially attentive when I was writing stuff for you.” Y/n said with a blush. “I even did my brother’s chores for a week for you to get that chicken costume.” Yamaguchi chuckled at that memory with her. “So you don’t have to wear that embarrassing t-shirt anymore,” she added.
“Oh, okay,” he replied with a smile.
When he suddenly started to take off his shirt, Y/n panicked and said, “I didn’t mean that you should take it off now, you idiot!” Y/n smacked the back of Yamaguchi’s head. “Do you think you’re Tanaka or something?”
At the next tournament, Yamaguchi stood on the court, shaking like a leaf as he and the rest of the starting players showed their jersey numbers to the referee. From the second floor, Y/n noticed how nervous he was and energetically called out to him. “Yamaguchi!” When he looked up, she placed the tips of her hands on her head to form a large heart. Yamaguchi chuckled at her as she continued to hold the heart above her head and added a silly dance. Tsukishima still thought she was annoying while Hinata told him that he should be happy that Y/n helped Yamaguchi relax.
Bonus - (because of the liars headcanons I read)
“So… if you want to be my boyfriend, Tsukishima can’t be your best friend anymore,” said Y/n. When it looked like Yamaguchi was actually considering it, she cut off his train of thought. “Wait! I was just joking!”
Yamaguchi said, “I know and just wanted to scare you.”
“Where did you learn to fake like that,” she said as she narrowed her eyes at him.
“Our other setter taught me,” he said as he grinned. “He graduated in March.”
“I guess he must be like Tsukishima then because I thought Tsukishima taught you,” she said. Yamaguchi just laughed at how wrong she was.
Author’s Notes
I hope you liked it. I can’t seem to get away from my headcanons from Accidental Confession. lol. Y/n is kind of similar to my side character OC, but not at the same time.
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peachypunk22 · 4 years
Text
tag game: 50 Qs
was tagged by @coffeeandchemicals thank you!! 🥰🥰
I’m tagging @bambixxblue @chidorimedaddy @colonel--sarge and anyone else who wants to! 
under cut bc this is pretty long
what is the color of your hairbrush? it’s blue and its not good and ive had it for like 5 years idk 
name a food you never eat: ooh that’s hard. maybe Naengmyeon, which are cold korean noodles, it was literally the only thing i didn’t like in korea
are you typically too warm or too cold? i always run warm!
what were you doing 45 mins ago? eating dinner
what’s your favorite candy bar? do reeses cups count?
have you ever been to a professional sports game? not in a couple years but I’ve been to baseball and hockey games
what is the last thing you said out loud? “god damn it”
what is your favorite ice cream? french silk is like a coffee and chocolate one thats really good. or chocolate cherry garcia
what was the last thing you had to drink? apple cider spiked with fireball
do you like your wallet? no,it’s too big and i need a new one
what is the last thing you ate? I made sesame chicken and rice for dinner
did you buy any new clothes last weekend? Nope!
what’s the last sporting event you watched? probably hockey. probably the red wings.
what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? a lot of butter and salt or the sour cream and onion seasoning you can get
who is the last person you sent a text message to? my mom
ever been camping? Yes and I miss it so bad! I wanted to go this year but no one wanted to come with
do you take vitamins? i started taking a gummy multivitamin a month ago
do you regularly attend a place of worship? Nope! definitely agnostic
do you have a tan? I burn and then go back to being a ghost
do you prefer Chinese or pizza? Pizza
do you drink your soda through a straw? Not usually
what color socks do you usually wear? i love colorful socks! my favorites right now are pink with pineapples on them
do you ever drive above the speed limit? i usually drive a couple over on regular roads, but 10 over on the expressway
what terrifies you? hm, maybe being lonely for the rest of my life?
look to your left, what do you see? black nail polish and War of the Foxes by Richard Siken
what chore do you hate most? dishes! I love to cook and bake but it always means so many dishes!
what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? surfers probably? and would ask them why the fuck they’re in MI and how they’re faring with the weather
what’s your favorite soda? its pop and i love coke zero
do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive-thru
what’s your favorite number? 19 or 22
who’s the last person you talked to? irl? my friend lauren who came to visit last weekend
favorite cut of beef? I like a good NY strip steak, but I’m cheap so for cooking I would just get some chuck
last song you listened to? Space Ghost Coast to Coast by Glass Animals
last book you read? i’ve been reading a Lot of fanfic lately, so the last book was a month ago when I picked up the Heartstopper graphic novel
favorite day of the week? Friday. I can usually sign off work early and make it a really long night
can you say the alphabet backwards? yep
how do you like your coffee? first thing in the morning? black. if im getting it from a place? either cold brew or a macchiato 
favorite pair of shoes? a second hand pair of combat boots
time you normally get up? it varies but usually around 9 since i’ve been working from home
what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets! they’re so pretty
how many blankets on your bed? two
describe your kitchen plates. they’re boring. cream with darker speckles
describe your kitchen at the moment. Sink? Mess. Counter? Okay. Table? overrun with a home office and a fresh loaf of banana bread
do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? my go to cocktail is anything with pineapple and tequila. usually i just get a cider or citrus-y light beer
do you play cards? the only thing i know how to play is euchre, but i also play a mean game of uno
what color is your car? black
can you change a tire? my dad showed me once, but every time i’ve popped a tire its been raining and i was too scared to do it myself
your favorite country? idk i need to travel more to find out
favorite job you’ve had? I worked as a set up tech/office assistant for a medical simulation center used for training medical students and other healthcare ppl. i was a very hands on and interesting job where i never did the same thing twice. i would have loved to stay there but it was only part time
I tag: whoever wants to
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maerveil · 4 years
Text
50 Questions You Have Never Been Asked
i was tagged by @loverofelves​ :3c thank u <3
1. What is the color of your hairbrush?
black, nothing special, my mom got it from a dollar store for me bc my old one was literally falling apart but i refused to replace it
2. A food you never eat?
the only thing i can think of that i would probably not eat even if that meant it gets thrown away is steak, or any cut of red meat. i have a lot of trouble swallowing it for some reason. most other foods i hate i would still rather eat than waste them
3. Are you typically too warm or too cold?
theres no really comfortable temperature for me i think. im always either too warm or too cold. but since i spend most time in my bedroom which only gets sunlight for about 4 hours a day, im usually too cold
4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
painting with watercolours and listening to music
5. What is your favorite candy bar?
i avoid sweets so i dont really know the different breeds of candy bar
6. Have you ever been to a professional sporting event?
ive participated in a few swimming tournaments when i was younger and a friend dragged me to see an ice hockey match a few years ago
7. What was the last thing you said out loud?
'hey’ at my cats because they were climbing my shelf....
8. What is your favorite ice cream?
not really a flavour, but strawberry sundae, with real strawberries and white chocolate... theres nothing quite like it
9. What was the last thing you had to drink?
tap water
10. Do you like your wallet?
its a huge black leather wallet. i wanted one like this really bad when i was like 14 yrs old, now i kinda think its too big. but i like that it has space for all kinds of clutter like cards and pictures... i want to say i feel neutral about it but considering how long ive had it im probably at least a little attached
11. What was the last thing you ate?
a small bowl of plain oats with milk for breakfast
12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?
no... im saving my money for useless things rn!
13. The last sporting event you watched?
im really not into sports so whenever i watch sports it i dont do so deliberately. uhm. i think biathlon was on tv one time a few months ago when i visited my dad
14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
i like it when its sweet but not so much that your fingers get terribly sticky from it
15. Who was the last person you sent a text message to?
my dad probably
16. Ever go camping?
yea i went camping w my dad a lot when i was younger, almost every summer for 8 years. im mentioning my dad a lot here. we are not as close as one might think
17. Do you take vitamins?
no
18. Do you go to church every Sunday?
no im too pretty
19. Do you have a tan?
no, but my right arm is a bit red from sitting on my balcony too long yesterday
20. Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?
depends entirely on my mood, i dont have a general preference
21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?
only when i want to act like a slut which is never
22. What color socks do you usually wear?
i usually wear black tights
23. Ever drive above the speed limit?
I CANT DRIVE AND I NEVER WILL and if you drive above the speed limit thats +5 on your sin counter. i will know
24. What terrifies you?
those scary creepypasta images, communication, and anything unpredictable. also the possibility that jjba part 7 will be animated entirely in cgi
25. Look to your left what do you see?
a manga panel of dio i traced and taped to my wall, a bunch of jjba prints, and a tiny sticker of diego
26. What core do you hate?
if this is about music... i actually dont even want to spell out the name of that genre, thats how disgusting it is. its got to do with anime
27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?
that time in like, 7th grade, where english class was mostly about learning australian vocabulary
28. What is your favorite soda?
i dont drink soda im so scared of the liquid sugar but like cherry or vanilla coke probably
29. Do you go into a fast food place or just hit the drive through?
i dont ever go to fast food places, but if i did id hit the drive thru. inside its too loud and i hate when people can watch me eat
30. Who was the last person you talked to?
in person... my dad i think
31. Favorite cut of beef?
its all bad
32. Last song you listened to?
all the fools sailed away by dio (the band with real life people in it)
33. Last book you read?
der unsichtbare apfel by robert gwisdek. im still reading it actually im just too busy to finish anything rn
34. Favorite day of the week?
saturday of course!! although last night there was someone in front of my window at 3am who screamed for two seconds for seemingly no reason. this stuff doesnt happen on weekdays
35. Can you say the alphabet backwards?
no and im self conscious about it
36. How do you like your coffee?
black!!
37. Favorite pair of shoes?
my dr martens mary janes... easy to get in and out of... simple... cute... whats not to love. theyre starting to fall apart tho bc i wear them all the time
38. At what time do you usually go to bed?
between 9 and 11 pm
39. At what time do you normally get up?
between 5 and 9 am
40. What do you prefer - sunrises or sunsets?
emotionally, sunrises bc sunsets remind me that the day is over and my time has run out... but aesthetically, sunsets
41. How many blankets are on your bed?
two, one weighted and one normal
42. Describe your kitchen plates?
plain white... super boring and i hate them but i used to live with a minimalist and tried to be considerate to avoid conflict
43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage?
rum w cola or pina coladas, but i usually avoid alcohol. makes me feel like a soggy sponge and so sleepy. hate it
44. Do you play cards?
no all card games are bad!!
45. What color is your car?
i cant drive
46. Can you change a tire?
i cant even consider learning how to do it
47. What is your favorite province?
*nods*
48. Favorite job you ever had?
i hate jobs and careers and i would sooner let myself get exploded into a thousand pieces by impact with a speeding train than take up a job again
49. How did you get your biggest scar?
i was 15, in a really bad place mentally, and tried to make a point to someone... uh oh!
50. What did you do today that made someone happy?
this question is guilt tripping me
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monohart · 5 years
Text
clouds. (college!au)
ft. mark lee, sunny days and the brink of adolescence.
dating the campus’ radio dj was not an easy job
he was always, always busy, especially in the evenings.
he was exempted from 2/3 of his classes this semester to fit in broadcasting sessions and also to mentor the new broadcasters.
apparently they recruited a freshman, jisung. but he was a shy little bean, and mark needed to spend a lot more hours mentoring him.
which kinda meant that you would spend less time with your boyfriend
thankfully, y’all had similar classes.
there was this one class which was a capstone subject
which meant if u want to graduate u HAD to take it lol
and he aced all of the assessments in that subject so far this year
but you were just a bit competitive, so with exams coming, you planned to score a higher grade than him
which.. was an easy job, right? he spent most of his nights hosting the radio show anyway.
it both bugged and made you so extremely proud that mark was already getting proper job offers from major broadcasting channels
like when he got his first offer, he actually just finished a broadcast at around 3am, and was on the way back home
but he read the email on his phone and took a detour to your apartment
which scared the sh*t out of you
mark its almost 4am you could’ve just sent me a text??
“i don’t care i just needed to tell you this in person, oh my goodness is this even real????”
idk mark you tell me???
it was real, because he started getting offer after offer in the following week
but thankfully he didn’t pop by your place in the middle of the night again, after that first time
because you actually let him stay over that night and -
he held you in his arms as he leant against your headboard
and you just used him as a pillow because he you made him take a quick shower and he smelt of your soap but he still smelled of him and it was a comforting scent which sent you off the dreamland real quick
and he actually watched you fall asleep and made sure you were asleep before he pulled out his laptop to work on an assignment that was due the next day
when you woke up the next morning, you felt something cold and hard prod your back and you panicked for a moment before realising it was his laptop
and you heard the shower running so you knew it was mark going through his morning routine
but then you thought.... did he even sleep?
when he hopped out of the bathroom clad in same the clothes he wore the night before, he was still drying his hair with a towel
and his face was strew with exhaustion
but as soon as he saw you sitting groggily on the edge of your bed, his face lit up and he strode over to kiss the top of your head
“mark, did you even sleep?”
“nope, but i’m off again, i’ve got to hand in my assignment! i’ll see you for lunch?”
“wait what assignment?? did you need help on it?”
“nope, i got it done last night! thanks for letting me crash.”
before you could stop him, he pressed a hasty kiss on your lips before grabbing his laptop and bag and rushed out the door
and you sigh because
this was how dating mark lee, the campus dj, was like.
anyway
now, you guys were just a few days away from finishing the semester’s classes
and this was your last semester... given if you’ll pass the exams lol
so it was kinda the last few days you’d be able to spend together, on campus.
summer was coming
and the sun was so bright these days, it cleared the skies
no rain, none at all
which was not entirely Great because rainy days helped you study... and rainy days also meant more people tuned in on the campus radio
which meant
mark was kinda jobless today
which ALSO meant!!!
you could finally spend a whole day with him.
but, oh man...
when he called you around 11pm the night before, he was also checking his email and ... accidentally forgot that he had another assignment due at 8am the following morning
guess who didn’t get any sleep at all again!!!
your heart hurt seeing him work so hard
but somehow he convinced you to go to sleep first and not stay up to help him
he still got the assignment in on time because hes mark lee
so when you guys sat on the lawn in the middle of campus just like any typical college couple would on a nice sunny day, mark lay his head on your lap and used one of your textbooks to shield his eyes from the sun
and you were using his laptop to compile your notes from the semester, and also to help him tidy up his
“hey baby...?”
“hmm?”
you waited for mark to continue his sentence but he went silent
“mark, what?”
“mark-”
you lifted your textbook from his face only to find that he had fallen asleep.
his lips were slightly parted and he was snoring really quietly, and his fingers were in loose fists as they rested on his belly.
dont deny but you busted the biggest uwu didnt you
ofc like
you couldn’t possibly waste this precious photo opportunity but
your phone was just slightly out of reach rip
so when you grappled for it, mark woke up in an instant
he sat up real quick, and a tuft of his hair was sticking up messily.
“oh no, i didnt mean to-”
“so d’you wonder why we’re all clouds?”
you stared at each other with equally as confused frowns lol
like mark was actually
hella confused
but your expression literally read wtf
he didn’t really notice but instead yawned and held his arm out to you
and you move closer to him, snuggling into his side as he slowly lays the both of you down again, in a way so you could use his arm as a pillow.
the sun was really really bright so y’all lay there with your eyes squished shut
“we’re all just clouds, aren’t we?”
his serious question was met by your quiet scoff
“no, no, i’m for real. y’know how everything we do are for exams. exams this, assignments that... gpa... scores.. grades... deadlines... those kinda things. they turn us into clouds.”
“that is one extremely weird way to describe college students, mark.”
“no, baby, but... it’s accurate, isn’t it? the anxiety, stress, exhaustion... and just about everything we do turn us all into little clouds.”
“do elaborate, cause i don’t get why you’re comparing us to condensed water vapour.”
mark chuckled a little, and you roll your eyes figuratively, keeping your eyes tightly shut to shield it from the unforgiving sun.
"actually, never mind, it sounded way better in my head.”
at that point you were getting up to lie on your side
he turned his head and squinted at you as you gently placed a hand on his chest
"are you writing lyrics again?”
he hummed quietly and you shift a few inches closer to him.
“show me. i want to read those lyrics, no matter how dumb you think they are.”
“they’re not ready yet.”
“if you’re writing about anxiety, i can be your muse.”
“no way, you’re not a cloud. you’re a sunflower.”
he wrote lyrics all the time and most of the time he’d write them about you
sometimes he’d let you read them, sometimes he kept them to himself
and you’d catch him grinning idiotically over some lyric he wrote some time ago
so when he goes to sleep you would sneak a peak at it and it’s basically a love letter to first-date-you, or a diary entry of how he feels every time he sends u home from a date or from school but its so dreamy and seems unreal but you kNOW ITS REAL!!
bc u were there!!
anyway 
idk what came over you but you slung an arm around his torso and rested your head against his shoulder and he let out a quiet little puff of breath
you would think he’s pretty ok with skinship since y’all been together for so long
but yeah it was chill and okay and he’d be super clingy at home but when y’all were in public
man,,, he got so flustered and nervous
u just wanted to cuddle lol but he suddenly turned into a robot
the sun made everything seem slow and warm and sluggish which was pretty okay with you because you were finally spending time with mark!!!
and he was soft and squishy and a little bit awkward but so so so cute so u rly just wanted the moment to last longer
but no
just as u were about to drift off a Shadow™ loomed over u both
mark probably fell asleep again tbh
u heard a rly loud camera go CLICK and distinct voices whisper-yelling at each other
and there was a struggle
and the struggle ended with a Butt falling onto mark’s other shoulder
“MARK IM SO SORRY RENJUN PUSHED ME”
“NO YOU STINK YOU FELL BY YOURSELF”
“oh hey guys shut up the photo turned out alright”
“JENO SHUT UP THEY’RE RIGHT THERE”
mark was sitting up and you fussed over his other shoulder which was attacked by jaemin’s butt
and although he was so .. unfortunately.. woken up from his nap he was grinning and squinting up at his squabbling friends
and he chuckled as he watched u stand up and wrestle jeno for his phone to see the Photo
he was watching you chase chenle and renjun around the lawn, the two boys purposefully running slower to tease u
donghyuck sat down next to mark and put his head on his shoulder to mimic you from a few minutes ago
“oh you’re disgusting please go away.”
hyuck turned his head and batted his eyelashes up at mark who was still watching u with a dreamy smile
“you’re leaving soon, we just wanted to spend time with you before u abandon us”
mark laughed and told him he’s only graduating
but hyuck scowled and nudged mark with his elbow then gestured in your direction
“but you spend more time with her nowadays than you do with us”
mark let out a loud laugh and shook his head
“she’s my girlfriend.”
“so?”
“she’s my lover.”
“so??”
“she’s... everything to me.”
jisung, who was listening, gagged and haechan slapped mark’s tummy while hollering
and then u look over at them from the other side of the lawn, wondering why mark was lying on the floor again and why the other dreamies were surrounding him in a cultish circle
jeno and jaemin turned to face you with big chummy smiles on their faces and together they made heart arms at u
some other people on the lawn were beginning to stare and so u hide behind chenle bc renjun is too tiny
then jisung must’ve texted their group chat because renjun cackles and leads you back to the group
and u notice how bright mark’s face was which makes u blush like crazy as well
and even though stress from school, work and everything in general, was making u feel like a big and heavy raincloud
one look at mark lee made u feel like sunflowers and daisies
it totally didn’t help that when he’d look at you, the corners of his eyes would crinkle ever so slightly, and his eyes would shine with genuine adoration
and his cute little lips would stretch into the widest grin
uwu
and u bet the next batch of lyrics he gonna write is gonna be about you again!!
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piamii · 4 years
Text
Taking a mental health day from work today but was really conflicted about how to word it.
Last year I took a few mental health days but there were 6 of us so maybe it was less conspicuous
It’s only me this year and I for some reason keep feeling this push pull with my supervisor to be close and honest with her
Last night I was feeling ok about work. But after once again not sleeping properly I feel like somethings up with me
I’m feeling all the ways I used to feel about my mental health
Being small is not okay, it’s not okay to let go, I’m responsible for all of my clients progress and safety
Which is true in a way but
I also have beeen thinking about the difference between me and my supervisor
She’s the only person I see on a regular basis. Like I see her 4 times a week
So I don’t know how to be myself, a postdoc
I keep comparing myself to her
I wondered to myself would anyone else take a mental health day in my position?
Who cares, others aren’t me
It’s like I forgot I’m extremely sensitive and have been sobbing every day and not sleeping well at all during the weekdays
My nutrition and hydration and shit has been ok, so I’m not getting sick which is the weird part
Im so incredibly emotionally constipated
There are so many incredibly destructive thoughts in my head right now that haven’t been addressed
Things have just gotten increasingly harder for a long time now and I can’t tell where adjustment starts and my dysfunctional mental state ends
Is it really ok for me to say work is too much?
Does it make me pathetic?
Didn’t I feel this way in all previous years too?
2nd year, it wasn’t like this but at least I was more honest with myself about how anxious and nervous I was about work. I definitely took it easy and complained more often. I slept poorly frequently on clinical days and would feel really angry about it. I don’t think I got sick more than once that year
3rd year i wasn’t sleeping quite as poorly but still had sleep problems, hated my commute. That was the year I kind of had to start blocking people out of my life, like not completely but was so down and exhausted that I couldn’t function socially outside of work and school. I didn’t get sick much tho. Definitely noticed SAD symptoms starting this year but to be honest felt somewhat depressed on and off through early winter until spring which is I guess the colder darker months in OR. I think I had some SI but it was towards the end of winter
4th year was when I had more somatic issues. My sleep was honestly not bad that year comparatively speaking but when m and I broke up during internship application season I had a bunch of health issues that resolved shortly after my interviews ended. Tbh internship interviews were a nice reprieve from the dark slump that probably would have hit me if I had just done school in the winter. I had my first sinus infection in spring and went to see Slushii anyways Hahahha.
Internship year... I had a sinus infection too and got a cold maybe 2 other times. Last year was the most I’ve ever gotten sick. I took a mental health day maybe like 3 times and actually used sick days too. I want to say this was the hardest year for me mental health wise until this year in terms of symptoms but the best in terms of self care. By like April/May I was feeling really good about life. Maybe it’s the weather here too idk
This year feels so much harder than the other years combined. I’ve used one sick day and two mental health days and I’m having a hard time understanding where I’m at mental health wise in conjunction with who I need to be to do well at work. It feels like I’m growing at an unmanageable pace. I’ve had the most frequent SI I’ve ever had in my life which is somewhat alarming to me. I’m safe don’t worry but I’m just saying the thoughts coming into my head. My sleep is getting reallynfucked up over these last 2 weeks. I sleep like a baby on the weekends which makes me feel like it’s stress related. On one hand I’m acclimating to this insane amount of stress and on the other hand it feels like every day I’m being stretched open and carved out.
I’m not even ruminating that much before bed anymore. Like I’m not actively distressed like I used to be when things hit me hard last year. I’m just constantly unhappy and anxious this year which I feel like is my lot in life right now. My self care has gotten much better last year and this year, but this year it’s been harder to find ways to relax. Things went downhill really fast, when the seasons finally changed here and I started seeing 4 of my clients in the field. I am most definitely consistently working over 40 hrs a week now. I tried really hard last year to work less whenever I could and honestly the agency was pretty good about giving us a reasonable workload. But now it feels like I’m meeting the real world, where work just comes at you and never says sorry. You had to do extra and stay longer this week? Sucks for you. You have to completely uproot your already untenable schedule because one of your clients has really a really complex risk presentation? Welp that’s the price of doing this work.
Like when I was told the weeks here typically don’t go past 40 hrs I feel like I was lied to. I feel alone and singled out bc I’m the only postdoc this year. I want to know how C felt 2 years ago. If there were 2 of us I feel like I’d be having an okay time. Can you fucking believe they had a hard time building to full caseload last year? It cannot be just me in this position. I want to give up every day.
I don’t feel protected I don’t feel like I can ever let my guard down. There is no one I talk to regularly that I can be honest with. I don’t have the energy to relay this information to the people I do talk to regularly which at this point is my supervisor and M. And like hell im going to tell my supervisor this stuff.
Is this the real world?
Something tells me it is, but I have to find a way through it somehow
I’m still debating about this one client. She’s on my mind a lot and I’m scared which is probably a parallel experience to what her family is experiencing.
The fuck you mean our ethical duty? What am I supposed to take away from that convo? I know I have my own voice and opinion but that made me feel really bad for not doing exactly as you said. I know I tend towards the anxious paranoid side of things but that really scared me because instilll can’t think straight about this client and I sure as hell cant go to you.
The relationship between e and I has changed too, I think she’s overwhelmed too
Something that keeps popping up over and over again is- how fucking awful it would be for a client to complete suicide
I know it happens and it’s time I face that this could happen
It’s a terrifying thought and I almost don’t want to tell anyone that I’m having it
It feels shameful and dangerous to think about, because if I can’t handle it who could?
Who can contain this for me and tell me it’s okay? I don’t want to fucking hear that I should do more
It’s a complex mess of emotions inside my head. I understand why I would need to do more in this situation but there’s no room for it. I want help in trying to balance but my schedule is already unbalanced and bringing me into a dark place emotionally.
What if because I took today off no one sees my hospital patients all week?
Friday is going to suck ass if that’s the case
I could ask my supervisor directly to see them
But I want to be small today
And that would take a lot from me
How does the psychology service work at the hospital during Xmas break?
Uhhhh....
Shit.
I’m scared for some stupid reason that someone will make me stay during break or I’ll have to work some crazy stupid long hours on Friday
I hate ongoing patients bc they still need to be seen but it’s kind of your choice whether or not to see them
It’s like adding an automatic to do to the list every time I’m there but the task takes 2 hrs at least
I’m always scared I have to stay late at the hospital, luckily the latest has been 6:30 but I’m terrified every time I go in that it’s going to be longer
This is new for me and it’s ok to get freaked out
To not have a clear idea how much I am going to work each day and each week really puts me off
I feel pathetic because aren’t there a lot of jobs that are unpredictable like that? Especially once you become salaried ?
My stomach is starting to hurt
It’s weird because I haven’t gotten any somatic symptoms this year but I’ve also been sobbing my eyes out every day so maybe that’s why my body is feeling okay. I haven’t really cried the last few days because I’m just very tired of crying at this point, so maybe that’s why my stomach has been hurting a bit more
Every time m says something nice to me, hell anytime anyone says something nice to me I start to cry and I’m just so fucking done with crying and feeling out of control just to have nothing change and things even get harder at work
Fuck!!!!!
I haven’t properly dealt with this terrified feeling
I have to tell myself this feeling is informative but separate from reality
I’m so fucking scared.
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lewyn-martell · 5 years
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rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you want to know better
tagged by @laurels-things thanks! you seem like such a nice person!
i. nickname?
lui or simply lu
ii. zodiac sign?
scorpio
iii. height?
165 cm... I'm not sure if I'm below average height on my country, but I believe brazillian people are pretty short. I may be the shortest amongst the boys in my class but I'm the tallest amongst the girls (except one girl who is nearly 180cm i stg) and as a nonbinary person this is a good place to be, i think.
iv. hogwarts house?
hufflepuff :D
v. last thing I googled?
amongst or among — i was unsure if i was using the word correctly sjbshsbshsvs
vi. fav musicians?
THE BEATLES (all 4 of them, but john lennon speaks to my soul in ways i can't describe... the way he makes me feel is something out of this world)
david bowie
elton john
brendon urie from panic! at the disco
the boys from green day
aaand i have mad respect for some soundtrack musicians bc i eat these up constantly. i like ramin djwadi, michael giacchino, ennio morricone, danny elfman, jonny greenwood (yeah i know he's from radiohead but i haven't listened a lot of stuff from this band yet and his phantom thread compositions are SUCH A BOP), hans zimmer and i've been also listening to the score of the shape of water by alexandre desplat (i like him, but jonny greenwood was ROBBED) so maybe that'll be a future fave. also i love a lot of composers for disney animated musicals but if i start i won't ever shut up. but i love almost all of the disney soundtracks.
i would say some time ago whoever wrote the songs for the smiths which i believe includes morrisey, but i recently found out he is extremely right wing and i don't think i can still like someone with these kinds of inhumane views on people&society... i'm disappointed
vii. song stuck in your head?
currently bad boy (the beatles' cover of the song), john's vocals make my pulse speed up since the first verse
viii. following?
2234 nfbdjdbjdsbjshs but i think most of the people i followed years ago are no longer active, i must go through the list and try to do a spring cleaning or something
ix. followers?
408... and like half of these i gained only the last two months or something... and i don't know why shdbsjbshsbs maybe it's the beatles thing
x. do you get asks?
i don't, but that's ok because i don't know if i have a lot of interesting things to say... but if you wanna get something off your chest, go ahead, i love to listen to/read drama 👀
xi. amount of sleep?
tricky question because it constantly changes, sometimes i don't sleep at all bc i have to leave the house at 5h20 in the morning to go to uni and i stay awake until late and when i realize i have to go shower already dhsbshbshsvshs and then when i come back i sleep for like... 10 hours or smth or i don't bc i got stuff to do and i accumulate sleep and then there will be a day of the week i'll just shut down for 15 hours. mostly i try to go to bed around 23h and wake up around 4h45, so that makes it almost 6 hours .
xii. lucky number?
never noticed any particular number that favors me
xiii. what are you wearing?
t-shirt, shorts, it's hot as hell here
xiv. dream job?
don't have one, just want one that won't consume me so i have time to do stuff i'm actually interested in
xv. dream trip?
also don't have one
xvi. instruments?
flute, some percussion, some guitar, i wish i had actually studied music besides the basic stuff... i still wanna learn to properly play something and not just beat some bongos during carnival
xvii. languages?
portuguese, english, bit of spanish only cause of the similarities with portuguese and 4 years of classes in middle school...but still, can't speak or write, only read and listen
xviii. favorite songs?
oh my god... ok...
i was making this in list format but it got way too big... it's still big i'm sorry
the beatles: i want you (she's so heavy), strawberry fields forever, across the universe, oh! darling, and your bird can sing, tomorrow never knows, mother nature's son, yer blues, golden slumbers, i am the walrus, i me mine, long tall sally (little richard cover), you can't do that, what you're doing, ticket to ride, rain, eleanor rigby, happiness is a warm gun, i'm so tired, blue jay way, for you blue, in my life, anna go to him (cover).
david bowie: time, cygnet committee, unwashed and somewhat slightly dazed, tvc15, life on mars, young americans, queen bitch
panic! at the disco: that green gentleman, she had the world, build god then we'll talk, nearly witches, emperor's new clothes, bittersweet, nine in the afternoon, northern downpour, behind the sea, stall me, the piano knows something i don't know
green day: jesus of suburbia, brutal love, hitchin a ride, blood sex and booze, give me novacaine, whatsername, last night on earth
the smiths: this charming man, panic, how soon is now
elton john: goodbye yellow brick road, bennie and the jets, rocket man
queen: somebody to love, killer queen
strawberry swing - coldplay
welcome home - radical face
joão e maria - chico buarque
barbara rose - jonny greenwood
bachianas brasileiras no 5 - heitor villa-lobos
le festin - michael giacchino, camille
rains of castamere - ramin djwadi
unchained melody - a lot of versions from a lot of artists
another day - paul mccartney
meu erro - paralamas do sucesso
flor de lis - djavan
love the way you lie - rihanna&eminem
man! i feel like a woman - shania twain
xix. random fact?
well, it's not really a fact i think... i'm moving (again) but this time is to my father's house because my mum is moving to the south of the country... and i'm so fucking scared because we aren't close at all (i met him when i was 14) i mean, he seems nice enough, all of our interactions have been mostly pleasant but his wife (and probably he himself too) is a bit conservative in the brazillian traditional white family way (she's white cause she's a southern. i know yall think all latinos are poc,,,, but that's not true) but then again, that's something i had to live with all my life so i can handle casual homophobia and racism and sexism... but it will still be so weird cause i never been away from my mum too long (i'm... a momma's boy). i'm going next week i think, wish me luck.... (also he's got two dogs who won't leave me the fuck alone, i get out of the shower and they drool all over me, they know i'm a beta so they keep getting on top of me and since they're HUGE and i'm such a weakling i can't even get them off me and i can't scold them with a strong voice, i just can't do it... i mean, don't get me wrong i like them... but... they like me way too much and keep making me dirty.. i hate being dirty)
xx. aesthetic?
farm aesthetic..... idealistic farm aesthetic habshabaha like marie antoinette's pettit chateau. also the whole pretty odd aesthetic and strawberry swing by coldplay aesthetic
i'm tagging (probably less than 21 ppl) @zutaralesbian @ekscelsior @benstolemyhearty @lannistermartell @tyrionlannysters @avatars-legend @cerseiofhouselannister @falconsredwing @gendryayaya @glittering-snowfall @agirlandabeast @bugband @alittlebigpotato @vairemelde @charmeilon @jawn-lemon @antilennon @im-only-sweeping @ssimsass
i hope tumblr actually notifies you guys, i had problems with the last one...
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