#im so sorry im really hesitant abt even saying that because so many people feel SO STRONGLY about their headcanons

[steffigraf]

some challengers thoughts (and major spoilers) under the cut 🎾

first things first: these bitches are Deranged. none of them will be seeing heaven. and i fucking love them lmfao give me that toxic mess !

also i am aware that this is supposed to be a drama but considering i am the master of finding the most irrelevant things hilarious, i was silent laughing throughout most of it lmao. good thing nobody was anywhere near me. but anyway moving on

at the start when tashi chooses the challenger that art will play, i was lmfao-ing at how she was on the atp wta app. like im sorryyyyy but that app is just,,, well. yeah. yall know.

prior to watching btw i had actually read a couple of spoilers & thought dumps on this movie BUT LIKE. NONE OF YALL MENTIONED THE CHILD. THE FUCK. those three fuckers were doing their toxic little mating dance while There Was A Child. brought a new level of fucked up to what they were doing that i truly didn’t expect. hope that kid gets therapy in the future

anyway art at the challenger should’ve had more crazy fans. like as a six time gs champ (who presumably didnt rly have consistent rivals like the big three lmao) he was literally a tennis Star. where are the crazy posters. cut outs of his face. smh he needs more groupies

patrick’s serve kinda reminds me of siniakova’s. anyway i don’t like it smdhdkdjks sorry siniakova but it bothers me how the motion gets cut up instead of being one fluid thing along with the toss. thats kinda just a me thing tho lmao

so the part at the party where those losers just kept awkwardly coming up to tashi? embarrassing tbh. secondhand shame well and truly alive in me

patrick has defo been into art the whole time btw like cmon. when tashi asked if they were a thing and art shot it down asap but patrick hesitated? ohhhh boy

tashi, on the other hand, is fascinating for me cause like. does she really like either of these men? no clue. it seems like she only does when she gets Both of them. which you know what valid i support her and her wrongs etc etc

in the doubles match when they celebrated on top of each other, i think a bunch of ppl in the theater were going all 👀 which i mean sure it’s valid in this case but uh. i was sitting there like that guy at the corner of the party meme thinking “they don’t know tennis players are just Like That actually” (many sports in general actually. the things footy boys do the pitch…… but i digress. still, it was weird to realize that most people are unaware of the homoeroticism of sport. wild!)

emotionally speaking, the thing that hit me the hardest was actually when the tv in the bg started talking abt how that mueller girl won wimby and was basically unstoppable. like the callback is insane and just OUCH it hurt so much because it was so Real imo? like. that is very much a scenario that can and does happen in tennis, and sport in general. there are always the random players who get injured or flop or just randomly retire, and it leaves us wondering: if they had still been at the top of their game, would the face of the sport have changed? so i empathized with tashi’s pain as she saw someone she had considered Below Her now rise to glory that tashi herself would never know. but, as we all know, if if if doesn’t exist. and that’s the thing that pained me the most.

random tinder lady was ridiculous sorry but like patrick literally just told her he was a total loser in tennis and then left her table to talk to another girl. i think she shouldve slapped him the fuck away instead of making out with him lmfao. like girl he is not hot enough for you to ignore the bullcrap. has he even showered. come on.

when tashi and patrick talked tho and she got mad at him for blowing smoke in her face? so real. i approve. i hate secondhand smoke soooo much bleh

that scene where art says he wants to retire and just flops his head on tashi’s lap and asks her to hold him????? only scene that made me feel actual Yearning. like damn get me a babygirl man like that. or let me be someone’s babygirl like that. like platonically or whatever idc just give me those soft touches i want that sensory experience

when tashi asked patrick to throw the match and patrick was like “how could you do this to him?” and basically said that asking that was Worse than her physically cheating on art. loved that shit. i was like damnnnnnnn that’s the all encompassing emotional nature of devoting your life to tennis babey!

in general actually a lot of their lines were soooo snappy and shit and like. i enjoyed that

but honestly my suspension of disbelief was kinda shattered a bit in the arguing in the car scene cause like. i was so fucking stressed. they were driving fast in the middle of a fucking storm at midnight and neither had a seatbelt i think and i swear there was a point where patrick looked at tashi for like five whole seconds while driving. LIKE PLEASE. god. can’t you guys be toxic bitches while obeying traffic rules? 😔

anyway. the camera shots from the floor during the match itself oh my GOD im obsessed. especially during the serve. wish i could gif those. god. yeah. yeahhhhh

speaking of the match though. idk some stuff with the scoring graphic felt off? i got a bit confused at some point. might be imagining it tho lmao

ball perspective was so fucking funny tho. i mean it worked i think but i kept thinking like imagine if we had ballcam with the tour big hitters. poor balls. they go thru so much. may they rest in peace.

when art just fell onto patrick at the end smash im sorry ik that was supposed to be a climax and shit but it was SO fucking funny

and finally: shoutout to art’s dead grandma. she moved the plot in ways she never even knew. legend 🙌🪦🕊️

so yeah i had a Lot of fun! though i truly have NO idea how this movie even looks to people who dont get tennis. or sports in general. must be a hell of a ride lol

(still probably a better intro to tennis than break point)

[1863-project]

so for your poll abt abelism in fandom communities - i voted yes + reblogged but i will say i dont 1000% know im doing this right.

but for my experiences its been a lot of stigmatising of cluster b personality disorders. i have BPD which is already incredibly misunderstood/stigmatised but especially in fandom spaces where its "i headcanon x character w bpd" and immediately met with "no u cant bc ppl w bpd r evil and functionally not even ppl!!! all they do is hurt ppl they care about fuck them fuck ppl w bpd!!!" which

is incredibly harmful, as you'd imagine.

as well, i have autism and suspected schizophrenia and OCD (autism diagnosed, i am working on getting evaluated for schizophrenia and/or OCD) and fandom spaces can be incredibly rude to people with autism. whether it is schizophrenia related or not, i deal with extreme bouts of paranoia. fandom spaces also have a tendency to play into this - ie "joking" threats to be in my walls to hunt me down to kill me because i have a different fandom opinion.

its. alot. and i avoid most fandom spaces because of it.

Anon, I'm so sorry this has been your experience, because it absolutely should not be. This is the entire point of doing the poll and using the data to work on an essay - this behavior needs to be addressed and acknowledged as harmful.

I'm autistic with OCD myself, and this website is definitely bad to people with OCD. The misunderstanding of intrusive thoughts and how so many people become purity police and assume those intrusive thoughts actually mean you want to do something instead of understanding that they cause OCD folks extreme distress and anxiety is really, really harmful. And don't get me started on autism - I've been out in the real world doing self-advocacy for over a decade now, and the way a lot of people in fandom spaces treat autism is abysmal - there's even a lot of internalized ableism on that front, i.e. "I can't be ableist because I'm also disabled!" We all have internalized ableism to work through because of the world we live in.

Cluster B personality disorders and psychotic disorders get it the worst, though, with people treating those with them as "inhuman" and "evil" more often than not. No one is inherently more "evil" than anyone else. A personality disorder doesn't necessarily indicate that a person is bad. A psychotic disorder doesn't, either. BPD in particular actually makes a person very vulnerable to being abused due to the nature of how it works, but people love ignoring that part.

RE: people using your paranoia to send hateful anons, be really careful about what you share about yourself online. If you give too much information about what specifically can be used to hurt you, some people will absolutely do it. I know I may sound like an overly cautious adult to many of you (I'm 34), but when I was a teenager, we didn't put any personal information online in order to keep ourselves safe. If you aren't talking to people you really trust, don't necessarily share that information, because people are often cruel when they feel they can be so without any repercussions. Don't put all your triggers in your Carrd, don't make massive DNIs with all of the things that can hurt you in them - just use the block button and protect yourselves. Not everyone is acting in bad faith, and indeed, most humans aren't, but there are always some who will, and if they know how to hurt you or get back at you, they won't hesitate to hit where it hurts.

I'm sorry you have to remove yourself from fandom spaces just to feel safe, anon. It really isn't fair and you should be allowed to have a safe experience too.

[mandalhoerian]

u’ve def succeeded at making her multidimensional!!! vera’s relationship with marvin was so fun and i enjoyed it sm, which tbh going in i wasn’t expecting. it feels like u put a lot into their dynamic and their feelings towards each other and the way they react (also i’m such a sucker for the way vera criticises marvin for behaviour she also does. i think it’s such a fun detail) to each other and. how much they care. ik it’s a leon fic but i love the fact vera has other important relationships and plot points (like with the recording thing) outside of the overarching romance. and don’t even get me started on the plot there’s a reason i’m sending this ask lmao

ngl i have so many thoughts about nttd. as i said it’s something i’ve really enjoyed reading so yk. ty for putting up with me sending these asks in ! i get v nervous abt interacting with ppl online so sorry if these are a lil disjointed

ABSOLUTELY CRYING !!!!!! THANK YOU FOR COMING BACK AND SENDING THIS! YOU SAY "PUTTING UP" BUT IM RICOCHETING OFF THE WALLS IN MY ROOM READING THIS PLEASE NEVER THINK THAT I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!! (and dont worry about being disjointed or not and please write the way you want to! i get the nervousness!!! and please dont hesitate to write me again if you want to share your other thoughts because i WANT TO HEAR THEM 😭)

marvin and vera make me BAWL he is so special to her and has done so much for her, there's layers upon layers to their relationship that im so frustrated that i'm not able to portray right -- like, he was so essential for her to become who she is from a frightened, introverted, traumatized child yearning for a family to belong to a loud-spoken, outgoing and cheerful young woman secure in herself.

and like. vera is a people pleaser seeking validation at heart and mirrors what her caretaker would want from her and/or what the person she's attached to is like unconsciously. when she was a child she was in the image of irons and umbrella; and when marvin took her in -- even when she doesn't know it, she chased his path in life and became a detective of some sorts --- and finally!!!! when she met leon and claire she also mirrored them and embraced their core values, which are just in nature when it's clashing with the guilt she carries and they rise her up from the cowardly nature she has at the beginning of the fic. sorry im rambling but i want to say that i really wanted to go beyond romance and explore other themes and such, im so happy to hear it worked out!

and like YOU'RE SO RIGHT on her displaying the behavior she criticizes from marvin, it's an overarching theme in the fic and i think, makes her human. she makes sense to herself in her head but marvin doesn't. hypocritical, really, but it is what it is HAHA

Vera having her own objectives and her story (her own "mechanics" as a "video game character") was very important to me because like. what's the point of writing an OC if otherwise? they have to have their plot!!!!!! SO HAPPY YOU'RE ENJOYING THAT

[istherewifiinhell]

reading process: chapter 196 (damn)

reading highlights: now with new and improved features

178 Yjh hesitating to fast ball special this weird little dude: pls dont die. kdj: look at me. bitch

179 Gah. can an author make a story so big even their monster cant eat it

180 I knew the 4th wall was gonna eat but i forgot IT HAS TEETH

shaking the no no can at 4th wall

gah okay yeah jesus lee sookyung [song accompaniment love run by the amazing devil]

the narrative will make you apart of it (threat)

181 '4th wall also isolated me from myself' DING DING DING

overall evaluation ⬛⬛... -> mood

gonna twach the sentient dangerous trauma response some... morals? interpersonal skills?

↳cant handle direct interaction, eats and sleeps. yea

↳im gonna take a nap right here

LJH: arent you and kdj.... yjh grimacing as being ask about his love life by his teenage ward

kdj funeral -> song accompaniment welly boots by the amazing devil (just because I left doesnt mean I'm not still there)

YJH sponsor -> praying for his fate eh?

182 [sponsors lhs 100 head pats]

SYS is literally your daughter 🥺. kdj dad who hates dads moment

183 lhs wants to be on kdj team :((((

I WOULD LIKE TO SEE LHS IN THE DRESS

(did hades make it??)

184 feeling differently after talking to 4th wall yeah pretty sure you had a break thru about dissociating there

yjh: looking with eyes not seen in TWOS -> kdj facial expression blindness trutherism

185 YJH: cause you know me sooo well kdj: starting to think i dont know this you that well

yjh thoughts: there have never been so many ppl who made it to here

"continue to live kim dokja now you have to save this world"

kdj u cant take your own medicine (yjh scheming)

LSK contemplating abt what shit is up with her son

Something lives IN THE WALL

186 other people feel pain with no wall. YES!

"I told him there is no such development [yjh death] in the ending i want"

'yjh desperate face' thats crushing to even read

187 hsy type cast as murder friend sorry bestie

god some classic kdj asshole moments -> guilting lhs and everything

"see the sight of a bearish man weeping" i would like to

jhw T.T oh my murder woman

188 making sys and lgy do this. your KIDS! -> generational Something or other

kdj to yjh: you cant change whats already happened -> this may be an unauthorized use of radical acceptance

your stigma is Literally self sacrifice based... DUDE

get killed by the narrative. your loved ones but also the story... for the story. AH

yjh im so sorry... this is devasting

Uriel... lol shes sweet ig

Demon king of salvation. so juicy (unionize hell lol)

189 LHS LGY YJH boy grief party

yjh widower era

min jiwon and han donghoon! yay

yoohan bonding?

190 Bihyung aw!

[I will pull all of you down from that fucking heaven]

191 a soul can't belong to anyone!

"I will destroy the world of the fucking dokkaebis"

192 ur still a jerk kdj. drama kid

193 yeah fuck the state jhw

do they all share a house 🥺

LHS is back with the army... okay putting a pin in that

yjh stayed in his room like a broken person... bruh

jhw was a bartender? did i know that? it makes so much sense tho

kdj ur story is told bc they love you!!

194 idk i was the only person reading this 1000 chapter work and when i left a comment some stuff changed

syswitz industrial complex... run that by me one more time

damn human life is just like hell, ive been saying this

195 demon trains? i know all about those

complete ur scheme. say somthing cool. pass out. kdj ur self parody at this point

rotation: recency bias is a hell of a thing. i want to partially tie up the parenting stuff with noting how often the constellation incarnation relationship was considered parental, how kdj views them (and indeed how weve seen quite a few be) really cruel, or exploitative, and well thats fitting for him to see that as parental isnt it. but then also. he has kids in his own care, and one is literally his incarnation. frankly im interested in both how attacking and dethroning gods is gonna impact his own godhood deal, his own parenting, and his view of his mothers job of parenting him

im not sure if i have any particular takes here but let it be know kdj is a bastard and a scoundrel and i shall not miss him. not from this distance. no but god that was a classic really jerk move level manipulation. need to re-calibrate the dials. whats worse is at this point i think he can fully understand how much emotional damage hes putting his loved ones through.

Also did you know we live in a society. this one is pretty nascent so far but the breaking of the Seoul dome is reminding us of normal human society, and its flaws, and with the demonic realm, blatantly stated, we live in hell on earth.

[alltimewhat]

I just finished ST4 Volume 1 and uhm. I'm so sorry but that was literally so smart I'm 🤯. Idek where to start. The way that they so subtly created a through line without us even NOTICING. However when he was talking about hating the way the world works and how he had to kill people to break the world pattern there was this tiny part of me that was like maybe he could've just been some version of straightnt and it would have broken like 2/3 of it? The youngifying technology they used for Little El was a little funky like you could slightly tell but it got the job done good enough. It was so smart how they flipped the What Did You Do line completely around from the first to last episode. Also hate how El gets taken advantage of literally every time tho. Anyways. The way that they flipped the thing with Nancy around was very cool because the way that I literally didn't even think of that still having an a/effect on Nancy. Also also I thought it might feel weird that they're kinda redoing the whole Steve and Nancy thing but it feels kinda natural. Like how if things had been solid with Jonathan, I could totally see Nancy shutting it down and completely ignoring but because it isn't, she's kinda 👀. And the way that they had Eddie tell Steve that Eddie came because he didn't want to be the one that stayed but Nancy did NOT HESITATE. Also glad Steve didn't out Robin when he accidentally could have. Also kinda hate how Dustin has been treating Steve this season tho like that's one of your #1 teammates yknow? Kinda wish we got to see more of the Mike and Will gang in the last episode like we could have had like just a small 5 minute segment of them trying to come up with a plan of what to do when they got there. OH AND when they were digging the hole for Agent Guy and Will just looooked at Mike??? I'm 😥. And then the double conversation they had about Mike being afraid to tell El how he feels because she might not feel the same and that conversation is coming from WILL??? Oh and I like how Murray and Joyce figured out how to flip their situation and find a way in to save Hopper and Im also kinda glad his friend(?) didn't die but also kinda have mixed feelings about it. Oh and I know its a nitpicky thing but they literally say the gd word sooo many times this season. Kinda wish they'd just let them say fuck honestly. Sorry this is literally an entire novel. All in all very good, very much anticipating the last 2 episodes :)

-🙈

YAAAH its reallt crazy how much follows through from ep one to ep seven and im interested to see how things wrap up in the last two episodes. i kinda also feel like they couldve ended it at ep7 anf it wouldve stood alone as a cliffhanger or something LOL. i was really surprised at how fun it was to watch bc i thought it was going to be just kind of confusing and bad after s3 fhdhsghdajs. also i agree abt the dustin/steve thing they made dustin like actually just straight up mean to him and its not fun to watch at all. i kind of wish wed gotten more of henry/one because hes really cool and i like the set up that he specifically chooses people who did something ‘wrong’ to go after and how those things relate to each character. its really interesting overall!!!

[lunaastoir]

Hi! I really enjoy your writing so is it alright if i request xiao, diluc, childe with an idol s/o where one of their old stalkers come back or they just recently had a stalker in general but with how busy they were since they’re an idol they don’t even notice? And something bad happens (i cant think of anything</3) Thank you very much !!

hi anon!! a million apologies since this is so late but i hope you like the fic <3

there also aren’t any explicit details for anything bad happening - i briefly touched on subjects that you may not have control over, i hope that’s ok! 

warning (?): struggled a bit on this prompt so i apologize in advance if this isn’t my best work LMAOO

gn! reader

tw: hints of assault, slight angst, very light abuse if you squint

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

xiao

now xiao is a very observant man but he's also extremely busy keeping liyue safe

he makes it a point to always come to your shows even if you don't actively see him bc he cares a lot abt you and he enjoys listening to your music ‼️

it's normal for him to sometimes get lost between his own world of demonslaying and the world he shares w you

so one night, he's hanging on the rafters of a house with the perfect view of your singing

everything goes smoothly, he sets his spear down while lightly swaying his head to the music

the concert ends and fans disperse after you say your farewells

a night like this is rare since for once, xiao can walk home w you back to the inn sweet boy really cleared out his schedule for you huh

you're unsurprised when you see him materialize next to you, opting to flash him a smile and a hello

his cheeks are lightly flushed as he crosses his arms before talking quietly about how well you did

he relishes in the wide smile you give him as a result of his praise and he lets the corners of his lips curve upwards slightly

the quiet bustle of the harbor seemed to slow down as the night grew longer

since this was a fairly large concert, you had boxes among boxes of equipment so xiao decided to make your life easier by quickly flying them to their appropriate locations

when he got back however, he was surprised to see you talking animatedly with someone

he didn't think anything was wrong until he saw the person trap you between the stage and words filtered into his ears

your back was painfully pressed against the stage wall as you defiantly met their gaze. after xiao had left, they had immediately come over to you: first introducing themselves as a fan and making amiable conversation, before divulging in personal details of your life that made your skin crawl. you weren’t helpless, you always had your weapon on hand regardless of whether you were performing or not. the way they pushed you against the wall however, made it near impossible to summon your sword should you need it. 

they leered down at you while balancing an arm against the wall next to your head. you had dealt with things like this before so you weren’t overly worried; you could defend yourself. you almost felt pity for the person in front of you as they asked for your number with a sadistic grin, disgusting words tumbling off of their lips. however, that was before you felt their cold fingers idly make their way to your stomach and you felt your breath hitch. oh no

the telltale sound of whooshing alerted you of xiao’s presence, and the press of the tip of his spear against their jugular brought you relief. 

“back away” he tightly growled while his golden eyes narrowed into slits. they stared at him in shock before holding their hands up and moving to step a foot away from you. 

“farther” he motioned with his spear before stepping in front of you as you attempted to collect yourself. 

“ok ok, i’m far away can you put your spear down now?” 

“no.” 

you mentally cursed as you watched the two of them glare at each other. this was supposed to be a carefree night but this unfortunate twist made the air thick with tension. you could feel the anger radiate off of xiao in waves and in an effort to deescalate the situation, you spoke. 

“i’m glad to meet such an...avid fan but i’m sorry the two of us must get going now” you hastily said before attempting to grab xiao’s hand and walk off past them. 

the next words had you halt your steps as they divulged their secret. 

words painted in careless arrogance with hints of violet overconfidence flew out of the person’s mouth - “judging from the weeks i’ve been following you, it didn’t seem like you had a boyfriend”

at the mere mention of prolonged stalking, xiao immediately lunged to pull you behind him. god, he didn’t kill mortals but he swore if he plunged his spear into this human being right here, no one would even blink twice considering how low of a person they were. 

“if i ever see you near them again, i will not hesitate to kill you. i won’t blink twice, i already have blood on my hands.” he ground out.

at the threat, the person grudgingly turned their back to you before leaving the two of you alone in the quiet harbor. 

you carefully reached a hand out to touch your boyfriend’s shoulder, but stopped after you saw the expression on his face. the mix of rage, sadness, and anguish imprinted his features as you watched his chest rapidly rise and fall - a result of his emotional battle. 

“i’m sorry i didn’t notice them before. i should’ve been paying more attention to you” he whispered before silently striding away from your grasp 

you knew that no matter how many reassurances you gave him about how, “it’s not your fault xiao, i didn’t notice them either” he would still blame himself. 

he was supposed to protect you right? so why couldn’t he sense the danger beforehand? what would’ve happened if he wasn’t there?

it’s still a learning process for him to realize that things happen, and he inevitably couldn’t be there to save you from everything. he needs time to understand and adjust. you’re willing to wait, patiently helping him through it. why? because love is worth it. 

god im sorry this ended up kinda sad whoops

diluc 

i swear everytime i say i’m a childe simp diluc kinda wrecks me

ahem anyways onto the hc!

he’s kinda never around but similar to xiao he will overwork himself to clear out an hour or two just to watch your concerts 

he’ll always stand off to the side too so if you tilt your head while you’re singing you can spy his red hair 

you always flash him the sweetest smile and this man blushes like CRAZY before quickly lifting his hand up to give you a thumbs up 

everyone watching the both of you like 😍😦

people think it’s the cutest thing i swear like c’mon the elusive “bachelor of mondstadt” being seen in public supporting you??? wow pls can we share him

he walks with you back to the winery, the entire time linking his hands with yours while gushing about your performance 

1939248/10 it’s literally the sweetest thing 

the next day however, adelinde brings you a pink letter addressed to you 

he doesn’t pry because it’s addressed to you and it’s your business but as the letters start coming by everyday, he starts to grow curious 

one day he straight up just asks you about it

“hey, you know those pink letters you keep getting? who are they from?”

you laugh slightly at his bashfulness and respond with a “just some overexcited fan” and he smiles before kissing your forehead 

he loves that people are noticing your talent 

loves it! until you get stalked by the same person who wrote you those letters while you were shopping!

diluc knows something’s wrong when you rush into angel’s share panicked after not returning his usual smile. 

“darling? are you ok?” he asks worriedly before quickly setting down the glass he was cleaning to move towards you. 

the widening of your eyes as you looked behind you at the sounds of someone else entering was all he needed to swiftly step in front of you, blocking their gaze of your face. 

the slightly panicked look in your eyes before you hurriedly whispered, “they’re following me” made diluc glance at them subtly out of the corner of his eye. he watched as they walked over to find a seat next to the bar, seemingly ready to order a drink. he quietly asked if you would like to sit in the room reserved for the employees, away from their prying eyes. your hasty nod was all the confirmation he needed for him to let you access the door behind him. 

the night went by fairly smoothly with kaeya’s usual teasing and venti’s usual begging for alcohol. diluc’s eyes narrowed however, when the person seemed to ask him questions regarding you. things like, “i heard you’re dating y/n... they’re amazing, how long have you been together?” and “do they live with you at dawn winery?” diluc answered these questions as short as he could, trying to convey with his body language that he truly did not want to talk to them. 

everything was going well until he made the mistake of leaving the bar unattended. he had briefly forgotten about your residence in the room behind him as his mind immediately gravitated to breaking up a brawl. when he returned, the half drunk glass of liquor combined with the person’s absence from their seat, caused sparks of worry to light up inside his chest. 

turning to the door, he knocked once. 

“is everything alright in there love?”

the sounds of things rustling about and the occasional muffled voice had him opening the door quickly. he saw you with your arm being held tightly in their grasp, your mouth muffled with their hand, while you strained against them by pulling at your arm. 

diluc immediately made his way over to you, quickly pulling your arm away before letting you enter into his embrace. 

“get out.” the venomous words clawed their way out of his throat as he looked at them with eyes that screamed hatred. his blood was boiling as his mind replayed the scene; your scared expression and their greedy eyes. 

diluc didn’t need to repeat himself twice as they ran out, trying not to trip over crates of wine. he made a mental note to find out who they were in order to make sure they never came near you ever again. 

he quickly looked down at your form, relaxing slightly at the sight of your tentative smile. “my knight in shining armor” you joked before softly nuzzling your head into his shoulder. the anger had yet to dissipate from his veins, and although he knew you were still shaken up, he was sure you would be fine. 

a pink letter placed on the table next to you caught his eye, and he made sure to quickly pocket it as he led you out, gently jesting with you about the “unnecessary amount of wine barrels in here, diluc this is a safety hazard!” 

he would deal with this person later. 

childe

ayo AYO ITS THE TOY SALESMAN

ok tbh he’s very rarely around so he unfortunately cannot make it to all of your shows 

dw tho, he will try his hardest to be there for the ones he’s in town for bc what is he if not your number one hype king??? 

ok kinda creepy! alert 

he’s tasked two of his subordinates to keep watch over you whenever he’s out of the harbor

it’s not anything creepy,,, he just gets extremely worried abt you and wants to make sure you’re safe 

sO when he gets a ransom note??? he’s understandably confused but also very much freaked out 

bc did they not know who he was??? the fact that they thought they could get away with holding you captive was quite honestly kind of funny to him 

very stressed and angry tho - hides it behind a facade of smiles but he’s raging 

takes him only a few hours to track you down bc he had everyone and i mean EVERYONE looking for you 

the note crunched in his hand as the harbinger made his way towards windrise. his pace was erratic, long legs rushing towards the small cave his agents had found. they were bordering the perimeter of the enclosure, careful to not alert you or your captor of their presence. childe’s subordinate head had calmly stated that childe need not come out to rescue you, the situation was under control and they could do it for him. however, childe’s sharp gaze along with his sickly sweet words of “thanks but no. i’m coming out to see this sorry asshole for myself” had the agent backing away apologizing. he wanted to see the look on this person’s face before he shoved their sorry ass into the abyss himself. 

as he reached the opening of the cave, he glanced over his shoulder at his head agent; a silent warning to keep the area sealed. his blue eyes glinted with a thirst for blood before making his way into the cave, sealing off the exit with his body. 

“well well, playing games with the love of my life are we?” 

his teasing words reached your ears as your eyes immediately found the face of your boyfriend. you weren’t horribly scared, just a little shaken up and sore from the bindings on your wrists. relief coursed through your body at the sight of him. you needn’t put in your plan of getting out of these bindings to fight your captor yourself anymore. 

childe’s eyes quickly scanned over your frame, making sure you weren’t hurt. at the state of you completely unharmed, the harbinger let his heart calm down slightly. you were completely ok. 

“wait a little longer, love? i promise this will be over soon”

the wink he sent you had you lightly rolling your eyes at his antics before he directed his attention back to your kidnapper. if your captor wasn’t scared before, they were certainly shaking in their boots now at the sight of childe’s twin hydro blades rotating playfully in his hands. 

“listen, all i want is the money-”

“and all i want is your head” 

your boyfriend smiled after cutting them off. the severity of the situation truly seemed to sink in at that moment before pleas of mercy fell from your captor’s lips, desperate to escape the bloodthirsty gaze of the harbinger. childe’s eyes flickered over to yours where you sat there, with your head ferociously shaking. a silent “no.” he sighed before swiftly bringing his arm up to hit your captor on the head, effectively knocking them out cold. 

his hands worked at the ropes holding you and he gingerly rubbed at your bruised wrists. you silently thanked the archons he could never say no to you. archons forbid what would've happened if you hadn’t said anything. while you were explaining what happened, the young man quickly scooped you up in his arms before walking out of the cave. 

you playfully hit his shoulder while muttering “drama queen” but you stopped when you saw his face morph into an expression of seriousness. you had informed him on the situation about your captor revealing themselves to be a recent stalker of yours, completely oblivious to the look of frustration on his face as he freed you from your bondages. 

“i was scared you know.” he quietly divulged. “i knew that it wasn’t anything extremely serious but i... i was still scared”

you swore as you looked at him in that moment, he had turned ten again. the youth of his face betraying his vulnerability. 

you quietly hummed before tangling your fingers in his hair. “i hope you know it wasn’t your fault. it wasn’t anyone’s fault. not even the two fatui agents who you sent to stalk me while you were away.”

he quietly laughed at that before mentally filing away a reminder for a lecture to those two agents in the near future. 

“i’m just glad you’re safe. i know you can save yourself but i’ll always be here. i still wish you would let me take care of your asshole kidnapper myself though.” he pouted jokingly. 

“i’m sure the millelith will lock them up for a long time.” you laughed sweetly. 

his usual smile reappeared at your antics. maybe he didn’t get to beat your captor up and do...much worse. however at the end of the day, your smile was still intact regardless of what happened. that’s all he wanted. 

[kanmom51]

hi, genuinely curious, why do you think you know so much about bts’s personal lives? like just shipping real people in general that you don’t now personally, bc i saw some of ur posts(not just u, a LOT of others seem to think the same) and i’m confused like how do you know all that from a video/photo?

Ask 2:  hi i think i might have sounded rude in my last anon and im so so sorry if i did, i don’t mean to sound mean but english isn’t my first language and i don’t now how else to write it.

What i mean is i just can’t see it, but so many ppl including you seem convinced jimin and jungkook are a couple? i now there’s probably something i’m missing that’s obvious to everyone else bc to me they just seem like really good and close friends, so like what is it that you think makes it obvious?? (again i’m just genuinely curious abt this pls don’t take it the wrong way 💜)

I’m not clairvoyant and don’t claim to know what goes on behind closed doors.  I have said time and time again that we have no way of knowing what goes on when the cameras are off or when they are in private, unless they tell us.

I do speculate sometimes and make assumptions based on the content I’ve seen, but always original content, and not edited clips.  

I have also made it clear every single time that these are my opinions and conclusions, take them or leave them.

There is a ton of BTS content out there to go through, which includes, just as an example (because there is so much more):  Run BTS episodes, interviews (video, written and radio), member Tweets, memories, Bon Voyage, packages (summer, winter), Bangtan bombs, fan meets, Musters, concerts etc.

You need to watch original content, because, and it saddens me to say this, there is some Jikook YT content that is distorted, edited, slow motioned to fit the story, and not all of it is ‘real’ in the sense, that if you see the original content, see the true moment within it’s context and in real speed, well, it isn’t a ‘real’ moment.  I have called out some of those moments in the past.

But there are things you can’t fake.  

There a several moments that solidified for me the special connection between JK & JM.  

Watch original content over the years and you will see there is something special between those two, a special and strong connection.  JK clearly finds JM as someone he can confide in and someone that can calm him or console him in times of need.  He has said it in interviews and we have seen him do so in the content out there.

JM is JK’s anchor.  His safe place.

JK is JM’s happy place.  When JM is down JK is the one who knows how to cheer him up.  Even Jin had mentioned it once in an interview.

JK is JM’s protector in sorts.  We’ve seen them at the airports, we’ve seen him carry JM after concerts.

They are super close.  We know they constantly choose to travel together in the same car (when every member has their own car and they are the only ones together)...  They choose spend ‘off time’ together - bowling, going to watch a movie, ice skating with each other.  JK himself told us in BV4 that the only members he sae during their time off were JM & Hobi.  They are just super close.

So what made me make the one step further and conclude they are romantically involved?

There are several things that pushed me over the edge.  Some of them are:

First, the content, again.  There is content out there that is way beyond “we are very close platonic friends”.  Things they say or do in front of the camera that give you so much “we are a couple” vibe. 

There is content that makes you feel like you are intruding on a very intimate private moment: 

MAMA 2018 is one of them.  I can’t say one, because there are so many moments there that are “WOW, what’s going on here?”

Rose Bowl is also such a moment that is as clear as day, with no acceptable logical explanation other than: “there is something more between those two”.  

Those are only 2 examples, but there are many more such moments, where the intimacy level is way more than even the best platonic friendship out there.

You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to put 1 & 1 together here.  These moments are loud and clear.

There are the more subtle moments too, those that add up on you, those that if you will look at each of them by themselves you would say: “yeah, nothing here”, but when you put them together, another one and another one and another one, well the conclusion is pretty much clear.

It’s JM’s Tweets, their matching clothing over the years, their choice to spend time together, their private trip, GCFT, JK’s choice to put JM front and center in all his other GCF’s, the way they look at each other, the way they talk about each other, the two very famous lives from 2016 (Tae’s & Hobi’s), their own lives (OMG), things JM tells us (like waking up and seeing JK is what makes him happy these days), “you are me I am you”,  the way they touch, especially during the first few years (2016-2018), those hesitant light touches & brushes (if skinship is not an issue here, why do they hesitate so much to touch each other??? when they have no problem doing so with the others, all when we do know just how close they are), the way they talk to each other, they way JK lets JM get away with shit, while he doesn’t the other members, the way JK drops honorifics with JM +++++ so much more.

There another couple of independent points that helped to push me over the edge too.  

The first is the other members reactions when JK & JM go on with their shenanigans.  RM, Hobi, Jin, Suga & Tae all react differently, each and every one of them has a tell.  Suga and Tae go blank many times.  Jin lowers his head.  Hobi either had a worried look on his face or a big fat smile, and RM, well he’s the most obvious out of the lot.  It’s facial expressions, uneasy movement, fisting his thighs, looking to Hobi or Suga with pleading eyes, running to the two thinking he might have to defuse a moment, separating the two when he feels it’s needed.  It’s all that and then some.  Now if there is nothing ‘more’ going on between those two, why is all of that even necessary???  Those two’s interactions on camera just make the rest of the group nervous, especially RM.  Ask yourself the question: why??  

Another thing I keep asking myself is, if these two are clearly super close, why is there a constant need to downplay their closeness?  This is something that is done by BTS and BH as well as the fandom.  And I find it hard to understand, again, if there is nothing extra going on between them, why downplay them.  You may disagree with me on this, but to me it seems they are way closer than JM & Tae, but they are called ‘soulmates’ while JK & JM are ‘nothing’? It’s like they are there, and it’s clear as day just how close they are, but it’s not a subject they are allowed to talk about.  And the way the fandom is as much as ignoring it also raises so many questions for me.  If this is an innocent platonic close friendship, why ignore it?  How come the fandom isn’t celebrating it? 

Thing is, that not only does the fandom ignore their connection, they are being hated for it.  The level of anti and hatred  out there towards them is unbelievable.  And yet again, that raises the question of why?  If nothing is going on there why such anti towards those two, together, in particular?

At the end of the day, I guess life experience is probably what helps me out here.  I have been around for a while, experienced love and heartbreak, and also a long term relationship. I know the signs, you could say.  It helps being able to assess a situation and read into it.  

It’s ok to question yourself.  I do so constantly.  I watch and re-watch content.  I read interviews, I question my logic, my conclusions.  I, just like any normal person, do have self doubt at times.  Believe me, I would not have written what I have before checking and re-checking myself.  And still, these are my conclusions.  I believe that JK & JM are not only super close, but also romantically involved.  There you have it.

[childishfluff]

(im gonna be sending a few seperate asks since theyre seperate thoughts/ideas, sorry for any sort of inbox spam!!) ur pet regressor tommy fic led me into a whole wormhole of many different ideas.. esp abt who else is a pet regressor!!

- wilbur (cat regressor!! also very relaxed, he *will* just sleep on phil or techno's lap for hours on end. mostly nonverbal, but will meow every now nd again. mostly communicates through actions. he can purr. doesn't drop often, but when he does, it's due to extreme stress- meaning he can be pretty sensitive while he's in catspace.)

- tubbo (puppy regressor, but definitely more of a relaxed dog aside from the amnt he communicates, especially through barking, whimpering, and soft "awooo!!"'s. loves snuggles. sometimes, he's scared to come of as annoying, so he's hesitant to slip into pupspace, normally needing someone to help him along and tell him that it's ok for him to be a puppy, nd that he's a very very good boy.)

- karl (kitten regressor!!!! he's either really sleepy or really playful/energetic, and he has no in between on that. he meows.. so much.. all he kno is meow meow!! *very* sensitive while dropped, and as such, he needs a lot of validation and love. will get extremely upset with himself if he notices that anyone is even *slightly* mad/irritated by him.)

- nick (sapnap) (PUPPY REGRESSOR 100000%!!! he's very very loud and extremely playful!!! he can be entertained for *hours* w literally anything, especially toys like chew bones. doesn't really drop too often, but when he does, he drops very very far. something that can trigger his drops is when people compare his traits/actions to those of a dog because he just goes yes!! yes me!!!! dog!!! me!!!! also he loves karl *so* much because karl absolutely spoils him rotten when he's in pupspace.)

- ranboo (kitty regressor!! similar to karl, he can be really sensitive while he's dropped. entirely nonverbal, opting for actions instead. he's a mix of both playful and sleepy. when he sleeps, he curls his entire body up into a circle nd kneads at whatever he's sleeping on until he falls asleep.)

- dream (cat regressor!! sleeps a lot when he's dropped, hes just vv tired. mimics patches, and loves to follow her around/act like she does. even bases his catgear around patches, with tabby-colored cat ears and an outfit based off of similar colors. drops very easily, mostly voluntarily.)

those r the ones i can think of now.. id love to know ypur opinions/interpretations of them!! -🌻

OKAY I’M GONNA GO THROUGH THESE ONE BY ONE, AND SHARE MY THOUGHTS+OTHER POSSIBLE HCS/FIC SCENARIOS, SO LONG POST WARNING Y’ALL

1. Cat Regressor! Wilbur

yes yes yes, I wouldn’t of thought of it myself but the idea is absolutely adorable! I’d totally write that, with like handler/cg!niki in addition to those you listed. And the idea of him using it for stress and therefore being sensitive in catspace? like, that’s amazing. 

I could imagine a fic where someone pushes him to regress for fun for once, but he feels like it’s stupid to purposely act like a cat when he doesn’t need it? They don’t pressure him, or anything, but he ends up slipping because he feels safe. and he realizes not only does it help with stress, but it just makes him more happy!

also imagine him slipping around tommy for whatever reason, and just wanting to sleep while Tommy’s trying to do something fun. So he’s dragging around a sleepy kitten and waking him up every two seconds, and it’s really soft and adorable and ends up with Wilbur sleeping somewhat on Tommy so that he can’t get up and he’s like ‘you’re so lucky I love you, dude.’ awww I need to write a fic- no promises but y’know

2.Puppy Regressor!Tubbo

someone actually requested a puppy regressors!tubbo and tommy fic that I’m having trouble writing, like it sounds cute but it’s kinda hard bc I’ve never written puppyspace before. I actually decided to start over but I’ma keep trying on that. 

anyways, imagine like, Ranboo or Tommy helping him slip over a discord call! Needing help to regress is something that I understand (I age regress, but I haven’t in a while due to this issue), so I could probably write Tubbo in that position well. Needing to be coaxed and told that it’s okay to be a cute lil puppy, like that’s adorable! 

3. Kitten Regressor!Karl

tbh I tried to write kitten!karl but I was half asleep and gave up, I need to get back to that hjsiksja. Like I specialize in writing sensitive regressors w/anxiety over someone being mad at them, so I could definitely pull this off. 

and the idea of him being a talkative kitty is sooo cute! Like I can imagine something along the lines of this conversation between him and a handler/cg:

“What do you want?”

“Meowww”

“I don’t know what that means!”

“Meow?” (little head tilt and innocent cute eyes)

“Do you want cuddles?”

*excited meows! and he goes and cuddles up in their lap bc yay, they understood him!*

and imagine kitten!karl playing w/Quackity! very very adorable concept

4. Puppy Regressor! Sapnap

okay okay so I don’t watch sapnap really but this is still adorable! Like the whole ‘me, puppy? yes.’ thing is soooo cute! Imagine George or Dream just forgetting that’s a trigger and making a joke about how one of his mannerisms reminds them of a puppy and suddenly! There’s a puppy to take care of!

and karl spoiling him sounds like something he’d do hjsiksjsa. I can’t really add much on here bc idk much about him/his content past the smp but this is so cute! Maybe I’ll watch a few of his videos and attempt writing him bc I keep getting requests for him

5. Kitten Regressor! Ranboo

yes, I was already thinking about this tbh! Like I’ve written him as a little and it’s kinda similar, he’s sensitive, and he’s less verbal the littler he gets. As a kitten, I can easily picture him just being quiet. 

I imagine that he’s really pouty because of this, because he doesn’t know how to communicate otherwise, so this might confuse anyone who may take care of him. 

“Why are you pouting? Do you want cuddles? Food? Do you wanna play?” 

and he just doesn’t reply bc he’s a kitten and he can’t talk so it’s an endless cycle of guess and check until they reach the right answer, and it’s really funny to watch. I can also imagine that he giggles a lot. Like he’s not verbal or anything, and he doesn’t giggle a lot but sometimes it happens! and if you make him giggle while in kittenspace then you did something right!

it makes everyone happy when he giggles and it’s really soft and cute! I definitely think I’ll write a fic with kitten!ranboo in it, at some point eventually, I think! 

6. Cat Regressor! Dream

awwwww- I didn’t even consider the possibility of this but awwww. Imagine Wilbur and Dream in catspace together, just sleeping and cuddling while basically all the other kittens are playing and being hyper. And everyone’s trying to get them to play but they’re sleepy! (ofc they end up playing anyways bc their friends are adorable and convincing but y’know)

and I really like the idea of him mimicking patches! I’ve seen a few pet regresors say that they mimick/copy their pets so it kinda feels realistic and likely! and plus, it’s really cute. 

and since his regression is voluntary, I can imagine him like one minute, just chillin w/george and sapnap and going ‘what if- what if I just went *cat mode*’ and he tries to hint to his friends that he wants to slip but they’re not getting it so it’s kinda frustrating for him but funny for the readers to see play out bc George and Sapnap are being completely oblivious to everything. Hjsiksja that’d be funny

Thank you for sending this it, like seriously! It was really fun to go through and talk about these, I might make additional headcannon lists once I’m actually awake tomorrow bc I shouldn’t be up rn but yeah, I just wanted to go through and respond to this! <3

[neoraso]

royal guard!minho

requested | some gender neutral hc for how he starts to wish he was maybe more than just a guard to you 

to put things lightly, minho was the ace of your entire guard

like he was better than anyone …at everything

so originally he was on (your father) the king’s immediate guard

he was nothing but professional and saved the king too many times to count even from like stepping on rocks idk 

when you turned like 17 and had to do more public appearances obv u were in a lot more danger so ur father jumped at having minho reassigned to u as the head of your personal guard “nothing but the best for his child”

the first time you met him… he only nodded or said yes or no to everything u asked him n ur jus like ok not much of a talker that’s not so bad ig haha ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

he was so quiet and “polite” for months despite you constantly trying to get something out of him

ur other guards always tried not to laugh bc if only u knew he had like two friends and was generally a pretty serious guy

but one day there was a festival in your kingdom’s central city so obv you had to make an appearance which u were very excited abt bc you only get to go into town like twice a year and THIS was one of those times

being “of age” and that much closer to taking the throne you might as well have painted a big red target on your head to signal people against the throne

everything was going fine, everyone was having fun and you decided to visit some of the booths and musicians around the square

minho was already suspicious of the situation and tightens the rest of your guard without u evenn rlly noticing but like

just as you turned to show these cute little candies to minho to maybe get a reaction for once -

the second he looks at you, someone moves to grab you but the flash of a knife in his other hand causes minho to jump immediately into action

honestly who knows what rlly happened minho moved so damn fast but the next thing you know, ur in the middle of your whole guard squad

looking through the gaps of their shoulders you see minho pinning down your assailant with a blade against his neck waiting for someone to arrest him even though he rlly wanted to just execute the guy right there 

the festivities were kind of killed for u after that bc you and your family were rushed back home which u might’ve been more sad abt if u werent in so much shock :<

obv minho was the one to escort you back but like all he said was “you’re okay?” and after u dumbly nodded with wide eyes he walked with you but kept a hand around your shoulder

no one really talked after that which wasn’t unusual for him but in his mind he was rlly like 

“?? ok i know its literally my job to protect this family but?? hm whyyyy do i seem to care sm more rnnn??//?” help him sdhskjd

u just looked so shaken up and disappointed and suddenly he was like damn </3 they rlly have no fun in their life and this one time they could was ruined :///

u had to stay inside for weeks after that bc it turns out there was a whole conspiracy to “eliminate” your family line so you waited in safety until the criminals were “taken care of” 

minho had everything triple checked around the castle for your safety and secretly made sure you had extra treats and warm drinks sent to your room sometimes with little notes that he had the cook pretend to have sent because lately he’d heard you had trouble sleeping sometimes he’s shy boy aw

he started to realize how much he had gotten used to your smile and your little jokes and the way you sometimes tripped on the corners of rugs. and he thought maybe it was a good thing you guys didnt have many interactions lately because he was way too attached

you on the other hand, couldnt even rlly complain about having to stay inside so much bc you had everything you needed and- you knew it was for ur safety but- it wassss kind of suffocating at times

u tried sneaking out at first ((just to the garden!!)) which obviously was a bad idea bc it’s impossible to get past minhos fcking hawk eyes lmao

he STILL didnt say anything like he would just follow right behind you

n like u kinda huffed but whatever honestly at least it was just him and not 15 other guards like everyone acted like you needed

plus it was somewhat comforting to have someone so solid around even if he never talked smh

one night you sat near the little pond and tried to calm your mind by watching how the moonlight rippled in the water

you can feel him behind you so u just turn around and look at him ignoring how he was already looking at you

 “would you at least sit with me?”

he kind of hesitates bc …what if someone tried to come up behind you? but with the sad look on your face he cant help but give in and sits on the stone bench at the opposite end of you

it becomes actually somewhat peaceful until you just decide to ask everything you’ve been wondering n u just blurt out-

“would it kill you to talk with me once in a while? i mean, talk like a normal person and not a machine? i dont bite i promise..”

he furrows his brow bc he’s shocked you cared at all and also he doesnt rlly know how to respond without being like “its not really in my job description to make conversation” but he honestly just thought you were being talkative out of niceties.

 before he could even form a sentence you continued,

“i mean- i’m always trying to get your attention. i dont get to meet many people for obvious reasons but my guards are the closest people to me-literally, and i dont want there to be a big gap between us just because of my status..”

he cuts you off before you ramble yourself to death 

“i didn’t know you were this troubled by it… i just take my job very seriously and i dont want to risk anyone’s safety for the sake of conversation”

u almost roll ur eyes but not wanting to be rude ur just like “even at home? i know you’re serious about your duties, believe me, i just… i get lonely.”

smthing inside him literally breakkkssss when you say that like u are such a pure and sweet person that deserves to have all the love and friends and fun in the world so he just gets quiet for a second and looks down

“im sorry.” he said it so softly you almost didnt hear him “i’ll be there for you more- if thats what you need. im essentially in charge of your safety and care and i’ll do anything to fulfill that responsibility.”

ok.

well this was good right? so why did you still feel unsatisfied?

“i dont want to just be a responsibility, cant we just be like friends? or…”

you cut yourself off before talking too much again

you had to admit to yourself you had developed a bit of a liking for minho, not just because he was probably the most handsome person in your kingdom, not even just because he saved your life, but he had really been a pillar of security in your life and you respected his loyalty and ambition.

he was more than admirable and everything you wanted as a standard for your kingdom

sometimes you let your mind wander to him getting on one knee and leading alongside you..

no, now youre getting sidetracked and delusional and he can practically hear the gears turning in your head so he stands up and reaches his hand out for you to grab 

“of course you’re more than a responsibility to me, come on, lets go inside it’s getting cold.’

taking his hand and realizing the conversation was over, you moved to link arms instead  as he walked you all the way to your bedroom door 

u slept a lot better that night 

from that point on you could not get rid of minho 

like everyone was borderline uncomfortable with how jarring his change in attitude was 

like he was constantly behind you looking right over your shoulder or grabbing your arm to stop you from bumping into things

even when he wasnt technically on duty he had taken it upon himself to give you little lessons in archery and even some defensive moves to help you protect yourself in case someone wasnt fast enough to help you 

your tried not to get flustered every time he adjusted your form and the way you could feel his breath behind your ear

or the head pats when he walked you to your room at night

or his hand on your back when you guys would take walks in the garden

honestly it did not take long until one night you were sat next to your pond and after some comfortable small talk you noticed how close his face was to yours

but he noticed you didn’t pull away even as he leaned in closer and finally just kissed you

when he pulled away and saw your eyes still closed and how soft you looked his heart almost exploded

“i didnt mean to make things weird i just,, couldnt help myself, sorry”

his rushed confession pulls you out of your daze and you’re so happy (a little shocked) but you’re quick to reassure him

“it’s ok, i’ve been wanting you to do that for a while …”

he’s jus like “rlly?😳”

obviously this complicates things a lot and you aren’t really sure if you would even be allowed to have a relationship with minho bc of ur position

or if he would get in trouble for breaking the rules of attachment to u

all of this is kind of racing thru both of ur minds as you look at each other but you laugh after u both start talking at the same time

you prod him to go first so he grabs your hands and says like

“look i care about you a lot, and i know we’re not really supposed to be doing this but if i can be by your side … beyond my duties…i would really love to. but if we can’t, i can survive with just being here to protect and serve you in anyway i can”

he’s so honest and genuine and earnest it shocked u a little

even tho you were uncertain abt the situation as well you knew you had grown a little too fond and dependent on minho that you would do anything to make it work

luckily an arranged marriage was not required for you so that wasnt really the issue, but falling in love with someone not at all royal..? it was a daunting thought how the idea would be perceived 

you wouldnt have said anything if you both weren’t completely sure of your feelings;  but you really could not imagine being content or safe spending your life with anyone else so you mustered up the courage to ask the king and queen…

when you brought it up to your parents they looked pretty concerned

minho went on the whole “i’ll do anything to protect them and this kingdom” speech and your father just waved him off and was like

“i know u would …. i’ll allow it because there’s really no one better to represent the kingdom and because i want only the best for my child ;)”

u and minho were literally in shock but just quietly said thank u and left the room

when you had privacy he immediately pulled you in for a kiss (maybe several all over ur face)

you had a lot to figure out and many responsibilities but now you had an amazing person by your side to help you through it :.) <3

[palmett-hoes]

which of the foxes do you think get tattoos in the future?? and like what tattoos??? ive been thinking abt andrew possibly getting tattoos but then idk if it would fit him??? idk lol

hmm i'm of mixed mind on this one tbh. on the one hand, i’m a Huge Slut for tattoos and body mods. ik yall have never seen me bc ive never posted a selfie but i have a bunch of piercings and a couple tattoos myself. on the other hand im sorta iffy at best on if i think andrew would get them

piercings are definitely a hard no for him. as someone who plays a contact sport (with a helmet!) and gets into fistfights, he’d basically have to be a goddamn moron to have peircings, which he isn’t. though actually i do hc that he has a split lobe because when he was in high school he pierced his own ear, then had it torn out in a fight later and almost took half his ear with it. no more after that

in terms of tattoos... i can basically only think of reasons why he wouldn’t get them, in all honesty. they require having a stranger touch you for an extended period of time, often times having to remove clothes to do it, which is a big ol’ no-no for him

more than that tho, tattoos are... personal. they say something about you, about who you are, what you value. even the most meaningless tattoo conveys a message about you, even if it’s just your sense of humor or an art style you like. i tend to be a little cagey about really going in depth about what my tattoos mean, because they represent things that are very personal and also very vulnerable to say out loud, and of course i’m not obligated to explain them to anyone, but they are,,, exterior. other people can see them. people can ask me about them

andrew is an intensely private person. he’s rarely been able to keep things that are meaningful in his life, most of them get taken away from him, and a lot of them have been used against him. he’s learned to be very guarded about what information about himself he shares, down to the littlest details. for this reason, especially because i’m familiar with the vulnerable feeling of having something personal on my skin for other people to see,even if  they don’t know what it means, i,,,,, have a very hard time seeing andrew with tattoos, from the standpoint of character analysis

that probably isn’t what you wanted to hear, sorry

i can definitely see it being different for other foxes, though

neil for instance i can see getting tattoos for basically the same but opposite reason of why i can’t see andrew getting them

like,,, even just about their scars and the possibility of them getting covered by tattoos. i can see neil wanting to get it done but i can’t see andrew wanting it

for andrew, his scars serve a purpose to him. he did them to himself and he choose to do it in order to exert control on himself to psychologically survive a time when he didn’t have control over anything else. they’re honestly a mark of strength for him. he covers them not because he’s ashamed of them but because they’re something personal to him, and he doesn’t think that strangers should be able to have access to that information about him so easily

with neil, yes his scars are also a sign of strength and survival, but neil himself doesn’t really view them that way. he hides them not only because they’re identifiable, but because they honestly trigger him. they’re more of a reminder of other people hurting him and hunting him and making him powerless than they are a reminder of him resisting and triumphing

i think if he covered them with tattoos it would function as a reclamation of his body. it’s not an attempt to erase his history, because the scars would still be there, but he could cover them with something that reminds him of being strong rather than something that reminds him of being weak

not to mention, neil - unlike andrew - does have a desire to be seen, he just also has a fear of being understood. neil’s main motivation throughout the books, why he makes so many choices that knowingly put himself at risk, is his desire to be seen, to be known. he wants to be remembered, he wants to matter. he wants to be famous. he wants people to know his name. he loves exy but part of what he loves is the crowd, is being watched

but he also knows that this is dangerous. his mother beat into him how forbidden this was, so he’s also afraid of presenting his authentic self just as much as he desires it

(not to be an andreil stan again but this is also why he and andrew just,, work. because andrew is simultaneously so persistent to uncover neil’s truths yet so respectful of his boundaries at the same time. neil wants andrew to see him, and at the same time he doesn’t, so when andrew first tries to pry neil runs away, and andrew backs off just enough for neil to settle down. then andrew tries again, pries into neil just until he starts to retreat, and then stops. he breaks through that shell of hesitency and fear that neil’s life enforced on him and invites him to come out and be seen, and neil WANTS to be seen, wants to step out and be known. it’s just,, such a precarious relationship, but at the same time such a perfect one)

which is why tattoos covering his scars seems perfect. that feeling i described of someone seeing your tattoos, that’s a feeling neil craves, that perfect balance between being seen and not known, of having yourself be on display and at the same time being hidden and undecipherable

[suncaptor]

i feel like i almost understand ur points on cas and his sense of morality and consequences but maybe im just like too tired rn i think im not quite grasping it. but like i do love to think about cas and morality and like. personally i think of cas as not reaching full moral development. like as in kohlberg’s theory of moral development, where cas does have a sense of morality that he follows but it might not be as complex as human beings that grow up learning about right and wrong. like it is very. rule based. and something is the right course of action, until it causes “bad” consequences or he receives some kind of punishment for it, and then it flips to being a wrong course of action. like it is all about consequence. if the consequence is bad, even if you couldn’t possibly have expected it from your actions, the actions are now bad, and you are bad, too, and now punishment is necessary. and i think what counts as a consequence might change for him before the reasoning does. like as an angel the only consequence was punishment by superiors, but by season 5, the destruction of humanity becomes a “bad” thing, and to some degree dean’s opinion of him is a consequence too. but more importantly it’s deans safety that is a consequence that matters. like if cas can’t stop dean from saying yes to michael, that will lead to dean being in danger, which would be bad, and cas should be punished for it. this is rambely im sorry abt that but yeah. i would love to hear more of ur thoughts on cas and his sense of consequences and punishment tho :)

I am extremely hesitant to judge morality that way because I think it lends to ethnocentricism. This isn’t to say I disagree with your interpretations, I just don’t personally like looking at it through that framework for various reasons.

I do really agree with this statement, “if the consequence is bad, even if you couldn’t possibly have expected it from your actions, the actions are now bad, and you are bad, too, and now punishment is necessary,” which I think is very core to the ways in which angels perceive morality which is why believing in grand design is so essential. And that was very much what I was also getting at within my response on this post. I do think that like consequence being created by authority does lend into a moral development of law/rules not to abstract individualism and so forth, but I don’t think that it’s a matter of lack of development, and having those consequences in place don’t negate like consequence being something that goes against your own abstract moral reasoning (but then if you doubt that is immoral) which then does leave the later states of Kohlberg’s theory of moral development out unless very specifically your fall from the system, so I would agree with that, but I’m not fond of the framework because it’s more about cultural differences and putting that into stages of development implies lesser/higher which means we are fundamentally judging it from our human perspective which is different but not superior.

They have different moral standards that are also based around the unfathomable amount of time, through many mass extinctions and times of great distress, they’ve been alive.

I honestly believe that Cas sees any suffering as a negative consequence, he just keeps it more calculated in his head (the trolley problem wouldn’t be a conundrum to him) unless it becomes something personal (keeping the Winchesters safe, for example, regardless of who else it could hurt). There are other consequences, such as Dean’s perspective of him, that guide this, but he like fundamentally does not want any living creature to suffer. So I wouldn’t put that sort of consequential way of perceiving at a lesser standpoint in terms of like morality of right and wrong? But also I do think he associates violence against himself as response to his own fallacy. 

But if you’re looking at narrative in terms of this transition from angelic morality to human morality, yes Cas would then struggle within that new framework. This automatically also means he’s failed within his own which therefore implies rejecting rules through that doubt. So he runs into these issues of fundamentally shifting from one paradigm to another which then means he will be less capable of working within that new framework. 

Which like, the biggest issue for him I think lies that inability to differentiate consequence and actual capability of action. He therefore blames himself when he shouldn’t without being able to actually pinpoint where his impact went wrong. Which would make sense in the way of seeing moral development because he’s changing to action being of his own free will and all, so yeah, I agree to some extent. It’s more that he just then continues making the same mistakes that end with consequences against his morality which in turn means he can’t better himself.

“ Kohlberg’s final level of moral reasoning is based on universal ethical principles and abstract reasoning. At this stage, people follow these internalized principles of justice, even if they conflict with laws and rules.”

I would however disagree he doesn’t reach this point because the very act of doubting a system that brainwashing, lobotomises, and tortures you by having doubt based on your internalised principles of justice and dying for your own ethical principles that would deem you unethical by that standard would definitely be this point. It just doesn’t undo the fact the way he perceives action/inaction especially regarding himself and his own sense of self-blame won’t remain ingrained in how he was for hundreds of millions of years.

So like, in short, I definitely agree that shifting from one cultural standard of morality to another (which I personally would not like to judge by humanity’s standard’s) would mean Cas would have deficiencies in how to utilise his moral reasoning because it’s a framework contrary to what he’s known his entire life, even if he is willing to go against any set of laws or societal norms imposed upon him. But the very act of shifting from a moral set that requires complete faith in law to doubt it in itself would require strong abstract moral reasoning which he dies for in the first season, and from like the beginning of his introduction he is pushing the limits of what he should.

[getofy]

matchup: #1 - hq boy w/ an extroverted fem reader!

—a/n: wow im genuinely so sorry for taking so long. literally school is ruining my life and i also um,, haven’t been doing the best this past month. i really hope this makes up for it !! it’s kinda long so my bad...also this is NOT proofread lol i apologize if it sucks aaaa.

DISCLAIMER: while this is a personalized matchup, they’re still headcanons, so basically anyone can enjoy them! :]

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hello @/meremoomoo ! you are so cute and tysm for being patient about ur request. i debated who you would go well with for a while, but in the end i came up with...

SUGAWARA KŌSHI!

-

#SUGA: “YOU’RE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!”

#Y/N: “THANK YOU KŌSHI :].”

-

☆ SUGA IS PERFECT FOR YOU, AND HERE IS WHY—

PERSONALITY TYPE:

suga has a personality type of INFJ, which compliments your ENFP personality type well.

“...you may benefit from perseverance in this relationship. your sensitive, sympathetic nature may at times overtake you, leading you to make decisions that feel right but are not really the wisest option. this person, whose approach seems so cold at times, can help you to tune into your powers of objective reasoning and ensure that you are not letting emotions rule your life.” —some website i found

while INFJs are not the most compatible with ESFPs, your other personality type, wonderful things can still come out of INFJ/ESFP dynamics! 

“your differences mean that you actually have a lot to offer one another. your counterpart may inspire you to slow down and think more deeply about the meaning of things, rather than just doing what feels right in the moment. in turn, you can help them to get out of their heads and enjoy life for what it is.” —some website i found

HOW YOU GUYS MET:

sugawara and you did not start off on the right foot at first...

the two of you were in the same class and sat very close to each other so he decided that he really wanted to get to know you.

he also just really likes becoming friends w/ people lol

since you were always laughing loudly with your friends during break time, he deduced that you had a good sense of humor.

he decided that jokes seemed like the right way to get to your heart win you over!

easy enough, right?

wrong.

apparently, he had caught you on a bad day because his attempts to be friendly were not received well. at all.

poor suga.

he does his best to be kind to everybody, but at the same time, he does love to poke fun at others. he probably took one of his jokes too far or something?

or maybe you really were just having a bad day?

who knows.

anyways, after that awkward encounter, he did his best to avoid you.

it’s not that he hated you, it’s just that he thought you hated him. it sort of bummed him out because you seemed cool, but he wanted to be respectful of your feelings!

*sorry it’s not enemies to lovers, but it’s close enough i hope ?

HOW HE DISCOVERED HE LIKED YOU:

the class had finished testing early, so the teacher decided to put on a movie.

AND FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON THE MOVIE WAS OLD YELLER?!!?!?

(basically it’s just an incredibly depressing dog movie. like, if you’ve never seen it then just imagine the saddest movie you’ve ever seen 10x)

anyways, you ended up crying. very loudly.

sugawara was incredibly concerned for you, since you seemed to be genuinely distraught, but he didn’t say anything

eventually, the teacher caught on to your disarray and excused you from the room so you could go calm yourself down.

after some time, the teacher tells suga to go check up on you to make sure ur not dead or whatever lol (you were taking a while).

he was hesitant to do this since he knew you weren’t too fond of him, but suga decides to do it anyways since he didn’t want to be a disobedient student.

he finds you sitting on a bench with tears streaming down your face

and MAN!!

all at once, suga gets this overwhelming urge to make you feel better. but like, as in, he-never-wants-to-see-you-in-this-kind-of-state again-otherwise-he-might-breakdown kind of urse.

despite not being super close to you, he had gotten so used to your large smiles and extroverted demeanor, that watching you cry felt foreign to him.

he missed your smile.

he soon realizes that seeing you upset hurts him because he genuinely cares about your well-being.

so he decides to make it his personal mission to make you smile again.

suga takes the spot next to you voicelesslyand tries his best to talk you through your dismay.

you don’t seem to mind the company, and to his delight you don’t seem to hate him as much as he thought you did!!

suga is very grateful for this

anyways, he manages to cheer you up, and the tips of your lips turn up into a small grin—just like he wanted them to.

AND BOY OH BOY WHEN THEY DO!!

whew this man’s heart skips a BEAT baby and he is lowkey spiraling lol he’s so confused like why is this girl’s smile making me feel some type of way

he had been so focused on what you thought about him, but he had never once stopped to consider what he thought about you (until this very moment, of course).

turns out suga was incredibly fond of you

yeah, that’s how he knew.

suga brain go brr 4 pretti girl

HOW HE CONFESSES:

you two had been hanging out more frequently as of late

and getting to know you was only making suga‘s crush grow EXPONENTIALLY

after many nights spent in long contemplation, he came to the conclusion that it was time to ‘man-up’ and just rip off the band-aid that was being honest about his feelings.

he buys a single flower (tanaka’s advice) and waits by your locker

very very simple and sweet confession typa beat :(

literally SO nervous pls help . he’s scratching the back of his neck and holding the flower out to you with a slight twinge in his cheeks.

“y/n...i know you weren’t too fond of me at first, but i...i don’t know i think we’re great together! and now that we hang out and stuff i was thinking that maybe we could-“

yeah you cut the poor boy off and said yes to put him out of his misery.

literally verbally celebrates when you accept his flower. does a lil victory dance and everything.

ugh yall r so cute.

AFTER HE CONFESSES:

YOU GUYS GET TOGETHER INSTANTLY WOOOOOO

somehow the most wholesome and chaotic couple to ever exist???

you guys spend like every waking moment together it’s adorable

noya and tanaka would jokingly hit on you and suga would pretend to be actually jealous.

i hc him as being a somewhat possessive-y boyfriend so do w that what you will

total best friend kind of lover but he’s also a sweetheart and rlly romantic + respectful abt ur needs:(

y’all r super comfy w each other !!

WHAT HE LOVES ABOUT YOU:

sugawara is usually the kind of person that’s always there for other people so he appreciates the fact that you’re the same way! you guys bond over your shared therapist/mom-friend tendencies, and quickly become the support systems you so desperately needed prior to getting together.

he’s there to listen to you about your problems and vice versa.

he adores how you can meet and sometimes even exceed his energy. it’s a nice change of pace since he usually gets scolded by daichi. </3

thinks it’s cute how much you care for animals! you’ll often find him staring at you in wonder as you pet a random dog on the street lol.

MISC HEADCANONS:

will spend hours on end watching you play video games on FaceTime. after a while, he ended up buying his own console and now you guys play together!

he’s fairly competitive, and will whine whenever you destroy beat him in a game!

he’s so cute pls

one of his favorite things to do after a long day is sit and play slower paced games such as minecraft and animal crossing with you.

whether it’s about your fav historical monument or about a new show you saw, suga will listen to you talk for hours and never get bored. usually he’s always got something to add to the convo though. sometimes you guys get overly excited together and end up speaking over each other in the same way.!

is INCREDIBLE at getting you to calm down?? like, if you ever need to be put in your place, suga knows exactly what to say to do it. does this make sense? lol. you guys have big ying and yang energy sometimes i feel.

you’re his BIGGEST supporter. whenever he’s put into games, you’re always the LOUDEST one cheering him one.

it really touches him to know that you’ll always be there to root for him!! even mr.refreshing gets down sometimes, so it’s incredible to have someone as positive as you by his side constantly reassuring him.

he’s a big animal person as well so you guys like going to volunteer at shelters together!

this was actually your second date HAHA.

if a dog is within a 40 ft radius from y’all, it is almost guaranteed that you guys will sprint to go pet them.

since you’re both athletic, you guys help each other practice sports together! suga’ll throw u soft toss and help you run drills and hype u up before games. & you’ll help him work on his technique and such <33.

y’all totally gossip together wow. you said you were a bit on the meaner side of the spectrum and lowkey he doesn’t mind AT ALL. he lives for it HAHAHAHA.

he literally thinks you’re stunning so it upsets him whenever you get insecure, but he’s always got the right thing to say to cheer you up! genuinely just,,,, so good with his words. if you’re having a bad night, he’s ready to come to your rescue with a gentle smile and funny one-liner and maybe a documentary if you’re lucky enough.

in his eyes, everything about you is beautiful. your hair. your freckles. your body. your laugh. your smile. everything!! he’s going to do whatever it takes for you to love yourself in the same way he loves you.

this man so whipped smh 🙄🙄

tl;dr: suga thinks you hate him. you don’t. you start hanging out. he confesses to you by the lockers. you start dating. you are infinitely better at gaming than he is and will never let him forget it.

YOUR ANTHEMS (in no particular order):

darling by christian leave

pleasantries (with your lover) by mustard service

upside down by jack johnson

sunflower, vol.6 by harry styles

what do you like in me? by nasty cherry

MOODBOARD:

pic 1 | pic 2 | pic 3 | pic 4

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—CONGRATS! YOU’VE WON THE HEART OF ONE OF THE PRETTIEST SETTERS ON THE BLOCK. TREAT HIM WELL! ☆

*do not repost my work without proper credit and my explicit premission

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[flooffybits]

To Risk It All

Idol: Kim Taeyeon (Girls’ Generation)

Request: Yes

Anon: hi! you're one of my fave writers & i want to say that im absolutely in love w/ your works! can i request a taeyeon scenario wherein she tries her best not to let the public know abt their relationship because she doesn't want ppl hating on s/o that they can't even enjoy a simple date outside? s/o was fed w/ it so they got into an argument? tae eventually apologized & took it upon herself to reveal their relationship to the public? im sorry if this is very detailed btw :( i hope it's okay!

Author's note: theres no need to apologize! detail is actually really nice because it makes writing the story better

Years of being under the spotlight has given the idol a lot to learn. After being harassed from dating a junior, being bashed for a member being kicked out of their group, and losing a friend where she was forced to hide her own depression, she’s learned how privacy would always be intruded by many.

At first, she didn’t want to think too much into the relationship she had with you. You were someone she met at some cafe, as cliche as it sounded. She accidentally poured her drink all over your shirt and she ended up apologizing profusely and insisting to buy you a new shirt.

She found comfort in you for the little time you spoke when picking out a shirt. You knew who she was, yet you treated her like a regular person, something she’s been wishing for in a long while. When she realized that you were someone she could talk to, she asked for your number and if it was okay to meet again without the accident, and you happily agreed.

When she started to fall for you, her fear started coming back, too.

She had to be professional about it, but she also didn’t want to lose you. So she kept those feelings down and tried to be as normal as possible around you, though she couldn’t help it when butterflies would swarm inside her stomach whenever she saw you and how the world seemed brighter when you smiled or laughed

It put her at ease.

So one night, she thought that maybe it would be okay to just be herself around you and her feelings poured out of her like a waterfall. It would have been alright if you rejected her, that would have been much easier. But instead, you initiated the kiss right after she told you and all things came flying out the window.

You weren’t too bothered with having to keep the relationship a secret and she appreciated that. She could just enjoy her time with you in private.

But not all things last forever since two years after, Dispatch decided to come and ruin her life once more. There have been some pictures of the two of you, but your faces were always covered due to Taeyeon’s request. It kept you protected and even if people noticed her, they wouldn’t know who was with her.

“I know, Tae. I just wished we could do something else.” You sighed while you sat on the couch, fingers running through your hair whilst she crossed her arms, lips pursed together. “We can but... just not now. It’s too risky.” She says and you know because you’ve already heard this before.

The conversation has been reoccurring, much more now with Dispatch keeping a close eye on her.

It irritated you.

Yes, you knew that this was going to happen when you first started seeing each other. But you didn’t think that you would nearly be on house arrest just for it. It felt suffocating and restraining and it wasn’t healthy, to either of you.

“Then why don’t we just tell them. At least that way, we don’t have to keep hiding.” Her head whips to you, looking at you as if you had grown a second head. “Y/n, the reason I don’t want us going out is that they don’t find out.” She emphasizes and it doesn’t help your frustration.

“Then what are we supposed to do? Even coming here is risky for you because everyone knows you don’t live her. If people saw you, that’s it. And then what?” You finally snapped. “I can’t go out to see you, we can’t be seen together, then what’s the point?” Your words made her heart rate rise. It was scaring her because it sounded like there was only one way out of this, if she chose not to come clean.

“I’ve told you, I’m doing this to protect you.” She breathes out and you stare at her with a frown, doing your best to stay calm with the situation you were both in. “I don’t need you to protect me, Tae. I am more than capable of handling myself.” You tell her, voice lower compared to your outburst earlier.

“I don’t want them to start sending you hate or threats. I don’t want them to suddenly walk up to you and potentially hurt you. You mean too much to me for that to happen and I can’t forgive myself if something bad happened to you because of me.” Tears were threatening to come from her eyes, but she didn’t want to let them out. “If you do, then you would have enough faith in me and our relationship than the fear of what everyone else will say or do.” You reason, standing up and then walking towards the bedroom.

Taeyeon was left in the living room, staring quietly at the spot you once occupied and let out a deep breath. She had to run her fingers through her hair, doing her best to brush her exhaustion and anxiety away. This was one of the things she wanted to avoid, yet here she was.

Looking at the bedroom, she chewed on her lower lip before she shook her head and walked inside. With a quick look at you, back to her with the blankets pulled up to your chin, she slipped in behind you, doing the same and curling up under the covers.

..

The next day was a little calmer compared to last night. When Taeyeon woke, she saw that you were already awake and had breakfast prepared, though after a little panic of waking up alone in bed.

Sometime during the night, you both ended up tangled together, bodies close, without realizing. And when you woke up, that was the same position you were in. It made your chest tighten because as much as you wanted to keep this relationship going, it was too tiring for both of you.

"Good morning." Her voice was gentle, careful as she entered the dining room and sat down while you offered her a small smile. "Good morning." You greeted back while taking a sip of your coffee.

There was a pause and you both have to admit that this was one of the most awkward breakfasts you've ever had. Neither of you could look each other in the eyes, and neither knew what to actually say. But thankfully, her phone rang and stole her attention away, and judging by the grimace on her face, you could only guess who it was and what it was about.

“Go ahead. I’m going to work, soon.” You tell her, picking at your food since you didn’t really have the appetite to eat anything and Taeyeon bit her lip. “Y/n, I’m really sorry about last night but I will fix this. I promise.” She tells you, reaching for your hand to give it a squeeze and you try not to sigh and give her a weak smile. “Okay.”

Taeyeon left your place with hesitance. She drove all the way to SM, thinking about what could possibly happen and what she could do. She didn’t want to keep hurting you like this, it was unfair. And then your words from last night echoed in her head when she got to the parking lot.

Staring at the wheel, her hands went loose before dropping to her lap. She had to take a minute and actually think of this whole thing. If she kept hiding you away, these fights would only keep on escalating and the risk of losing you was slowly rising, too. But if she did come forward and told everyone, the possibility of them hurting you scared her beyond belief, but you convinced her that you were capable of protecting yourself and she knew firsthand that you could.

It was just a battle between her own fears and she wasn’t sure which side she would be taking. Glancing at her phone, she sees the picture she took of you when you were sound asleep next to her.

Looking at it now, she knew that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with you. It was just something she hasn’t told you yet.

At that moment, she grabbed her things and finally exited her car to go and get this meeting over with, her head held high as she steeled her resolve. She wasn’t losing you. That, she was certain of.

..

Coming home after a tiring day, you kicked your shoes off before dragging your body over to the bedroom, dropping your keys on the counter as you passed, but your hand stopped mid air when you saw Taeyeon sitting on a chair, wringing her hands together. When she finally looked up to meet your gaze, she gave you a smile before standing up.

“You’re back.” She breathed out and you blinked in confusion, slowly putting your hands on the table while she bit her lip and then carefully handed her phone to you, an article pulled up that was dated today, published just a few hours ago. “What’s this?” You ask hesitantly and she just gives you a pleading look.

You look down, immediately seeing the picture of your girlfriend but was quickly followed by the one you were both in and you already felt your breath hitch in. After a quick glance at her, you let yourself read the contents of the article, slowly feeling your muscles grow less tense when you saw that Taeyeon had confirmed the rumors of her seeing someone.

“You...” You choked out while putting her phone down and she let out a breath. “I thought about what you said and... you were right, that I shouldn’t let other people control how my life goes.” She looks at you, her eyes shining as she reaches for your hand like she did that morning.

Taeyeon has endured so much throughout her career, but all the hardship brought her to where she is now. It was what brought her to you and she believes that maybe this is what life planned out for her. With a steady gaze, she squeezes your hand. “I want to be with you. I want to live the rest of my life with you.”

Your eyes softened as you took in her form. Your girlfriend was truly an admirable person and you just wanted to take all that suffering away from her. But it also moved you how she was willing to tell people that she was dating again even after what happened before. But the last bit made you freeze while analyzing her features, trying to see a sense of doubt, but there was none.

She stared at you with nothing but certainty and love and it was enough for you as you pulled her into you and pressed a long kiss against her lips, one she happily accepted with her arms wrapping around your neck.

You would both be okay, even through the hate. She had always been afraid, but now she was more than willing to risk this career. Because unlike this, you gave her a sense of comfort and security.

She would be damned if she gave that happiness up.

[wooriwoo]

bye bye 2020, hello 2021 !!

happy new year everyone!! there’s a lot of people i want to thank for making last year so much more bearable so i tried writing some messages for some of my dearest mutuals this year as well!! (keyword tried because i absolutely cannot put my feelings and thoughts into words. i love you all though and thank you so so so much!!!)

@angelhyunjin : angi!! i know you’re not on here anymore (actually i just found out . i ran to twt to find u as quick as i could!!) but it felt weird not?? putting you on here because you WERE a big part of my year!! i was always excited to chat with you and i rlly rlly loved (still do) seeing your art and your dance covers i can’t believe how talented at both you are!! you are really really lovely and even if it’s been a while i hope you know i still think of you and hope you’re doing well!! this year might have been hard but i hope 2021 will be much nicer to you because you definitely deserve it!! i love you!! 

@cinanamon : stephie!! i think we haven’t talked in a while until we started suddenly bonding over minho but all is well that ends well because now we are the founders of a minho cult and that’s all i could hope for in life i think! we don’t talk that much but seeing your tags in all the minho posts is always a TIME i absolutely love reading them! thank you for being there to lose it over minho, always, but also for being there in general! you are really sweet and i do love to talk to u!! i also know you are a really good writer so i hope 2021 brings you lots of inspiration to write more!! (and i’ll finally catch up on your fics too! hehe) happy new year!! 

@cocogoat : puppy !! i think we haven’t been friends for long actually and that sounds fake because that would mean there was a time i didn’t instinctively check your blog when i woke up in the morning (or the evening let’s be real)?? you are so! adorable and for what!!!!!! i really do love seeing you pop up in my phone notifs and reading your posts even if i dont have any idea what they’re saying half of the time unless it’s dgrp (i cannot believe i have a dgrp friend now. amazing i think i won) u are so funny and so cute and i’m really glad i got to know you because!! you’re such a nice friend that i! love! times can be hard but i hope 2021 is gentle with you because that is! what! you deserve! gentle pats and tight hugs! (maybe that’s why i associate ab6ix’s heaven with you it’s the gentle vibes) <3

@glossiers : miss bri i am in love w u that’s it. no i’m kidding that’s not it i have much more to say . i am in lov w u though #brillie2k21 i think. i think it’s been a surprisingly short time since we’ve actually started talking?? which is kinda crazy if u ask me because?? how the hell did i live my life without screaming BRIIIII whenever i see u on the dash like for real how . that sounds like a life so empty like. that would rlly be missing . something?? anyways u are a dear dear friend that i really really love and i’m sure you know that but i will keep saying it anyway! i’m sure i’m pretty annoying so thanks for putting up with me! and for talking to me! i feel like i’ve said it before but! you are a delight to see on the dash and i lovlovlov talking to u (and sending u pics of my cats, thank u for appreciating them). i still cannot believe u managed to convince yourself i was a hyeongjun stan though. hope i can be convincing enough to clear that up and leave no doubts in your brain this year. anyways i love you and i hope we can continue to be friends and talk even MORE this year!!!!!! happy new year ilu <3

@hwacinth : miss dia my sweet sweet floral nymph real life shirayuki and queen of urls! i am? so so so so so glad that we are friends you literally have my heart it is YOURS i can’t even try to claim it back!! you literally are shirayuki i don’t even know how to elaborate i think it’s just self-explanatory but you are just. such a sweet little sunshine!! it’s like you bring spring everywhere you go!! we could be in a middle of a metaphorical storm but when you appear the skies clear up and flowers bloom wherever you step and i cannot help but smile when i see you online!! thank you so so much for being my little ray of sunshine in these tough times! i hope to see even more of your posts this year!! don’t hesitate to live blog anything you watch in my dms if you feel like you’re posting too much (but i hope you never feel that way because you’re not . love seeing u live post it is absolutely amazing i won’t ever get tired of it)!! happy new year and i love you!! ps only 1 more hour until your birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIA ILUUU <3 I HOPE YOU CAN HAVE A WONDERFUL ONE!! IM SENDING YOU CAKE TELEPATHICALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@hwisgf : sorinaaaa! happy new year!! we don’t talk that much but it is always nice seeing you around! you are vv sweet and i really appreciate that, thank you for taking the time to talk to me sometimes!! you are also probably my only fantasy mutual?? which is terrible on one side because i think everyone should stan sf9 but that’s besides the point . i really do love the fact that i at least have u to talk to abt sf9 if need and i LOVE seeing u in love with hwi it is absolutely amazing. i am forever grateful for all the free hwi pics days too!! <3 i hope 2021 can be a year full of happiness for you!! (also that is also besides the point but @ fnc i want an sf9 cb announcement) ILY!! (and so does hwi)

@inkigayeo : miss vivi galaxy brain happy new year!! we only started talking recently but u do have my heart already!! i hope this year treats you well and that we can get to know each other more and be friends hehe!!!! <3 (my other wish is for u to stop breaking my heart with those fake titles. please . why should san NOT come back explain yourself .)

@jeongcheols : mimi . mimi mimi mimi im literally typing this as u are listening to that ten n dj stage ok now it’s kai ok anyways . ANYWAYS i am loving your sm concert live commentary . criminal is sounding amazing taemin is insane indeed (yes i took a break before coming back to writing this) i truly don’t know what to say?? n i have to keep watching the time so that i can scream HAPPY NEW YEAR into the mic in 14 minutes. but like?? i love you?? like. like for real i don’t know what i would’ve done without you?? also it’s weird writing this for tumblr instead of just in your messages (also i can’t focus with idea playing. idea soty). and i mean. you technically know all of this but like?? i can’t believe we’ve known each other for so long but also such a short time at the same time like. what. thank you for being my bestestest friend and my soulmat i don’t think i would’ve been able to remain sane this year (and last year too honestly) if it wasn’t for you?? thank you for always listening to my incoherent rants and i’m always so sorry for spamming you while you’re asleep i know you must wake up to like 150+ messages with absolutely no connection between them and they’re all just so random i truly don’t know how you manage to not get annoyed and to just stay with me all this time i’m- getting emotional. you had a terrible year, i know it! i really do!! and while it might not be looking too bright right now, i hope the universe hears me and treats you much better in 2021 because!! you deserve so much more!! you deserve the world, really!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i would write more really but like what is there to say literally i’m just (your emoji)) i love you for real;;

@nakyngs : ele <3 happy new year!!!!!! we haven’t talked much this year but i do think of u a lot daily i hope you know that!! and i love u a lot! even if i still need to catch up on all your aus </3 i hope 2021 can be a fun and stress-free year for you!! and we should catch up sometime too!! ps i hope your fish are ok

@ncityzen : dear spring fairy!! i already sent you a new year’s message earlier today like what. 6 hours ago but! once again!! i really do hope you can leave the hard times behind in 2020 and only get the best things possible this new year!! i’m always very happy to see you appear on my dash and curious to see your life updates and your random literature-related mini-rants in the tags they are always very interesting to see!! so! hoping to see even more of that this year <3 i hope you know that i love you and i really care about you!!

@woojjongs : MISS IRI! i am screaming this very loud so hopefully u can hear me all the way in canada! okay i had to leave this one for last because i?? don’t really know how to start i’m just a pink glittery puddle with lil hearts flowing in it that is how i feel towards u right now . how does one think and how does one write down their thoughts coherently give me a second. this is going to be a mess maybe u shouldn’t read it (‘accidentally’ forgets to tag u). just know that i decided to play txt’s wishlist to write this and u might be confused by that but all u need to know is that it means i love you very much. OKAY so miss iri you are . such a wonderful pal i truly don’t know what i would’ve done without you like . it would feel so weird not seeing you around tumblr would be so so so so empty i don’t even think you can begin to imagine how empty i’d feel without you around here ksdjbskbds i absolutely adore you but we already knew that. i’m always super excited to see your gifsets and your nonsense!! be it your love for woojong or u missing lim jimin (play m.. 🔪) or your snoo brainrot or hating literally anyone on smtm or whatever else it might be i love it all!! you are so cute and adorable and talented and sweet and funny i cannot believe you also happen to be the prettiest person on earth too. how does that feel! anyways i love you so so so so so much? i keep telling you to hold back from committing crimes but i absolutely WOULD commit a crime for u i really do adore you!! i mean . how many groups did u make me stan . (ok actually i don’t think there’s that many. but STILL) i know i can be super annoying but thank u for taking the time to chat with me nonetheless!! i’m all over the place but . there’s times i come online literally just to check your blog nothing else! i hope we can continue to be friends this year too n perhaps talk more (or the same amount idk please tell me off when i’m too annoying)!! happy new year, i hope it holds wonderful things in store for u!!!!!! and we really are starting off great since victon comeback is approaching <3 (this got way too long i’m so sorry i’ll cut it off now before i write 10 pages)

@xiaocity : miss siya hello hello hello first of all i’m just so very glad that you’re back i l o v e you!!! i love seeing you around be it your gifs or your text posts which yes. i cannot properly understand half of the time but google is my best friend after all! you’re such a wonderful person and i’m just?? really glad to have you around like?? you feel kind of like a cousin i don’t always get to see but am always excited to talk to when i can? this might not make sense but. you are vvv cool and talented and funny and feel very like. reliable? i feel like i am not making any sense so like ignore me. what i’m saying is i really really like you a whole lot and i really hope we can talk even more in 2021!! happy new year, i hope it’s a wonderful one for you!!

@yunwoo : miss anna we haven’t been moots for that long and we haven’t talked much but u are vvv cute and i hope we can become (better) pals this year!! i’m looking forward to seeing u on the dash more often, hopefully!! happy new year <3

[rainingspellforlove]

shouldn’t have

hi im back with another fic >< but it’s eunhae’s uwu. read this while listening to raining spell for love to experience more angst ;;-;; enjoy my first eunhae’s  fic and my first angst fic! 

listen to raining spell for love : 

https://open.spotify.com/track/7j4r8X575ZnyWk0jkukNp7?si=irOj7OmgRFynzGCaL754dg

It's been so wrong. Hyukjae always feels it so wrong. But he did loving him. He's already falling deep. But now it cant be anymore. This is impossible. He shouldn’t have loved him from the start. He knew he's always been wrong for having this feeling. He knew  it will  break himself someday. He knew he will be in this state of the worst heartbreak ever. But how can he (un)love this angel? He had already fallen. Fallen for him too deep.The fact he's been in love for his one and only best friend is already hurting. The one who's been always with him from his early days until now.   But now, he's shattered. 

Hyukjae and donghae still been friends till now. 20 years old friendship. They had been known each other since their middle school days. it’s been so long. They went through a lot till today. They overcome all of their problems together and they depend on each other a lot. Everyone will say they have their unique friendship. They always been so close and too many things that only of them understand. They’re just too close. They had many similarities in their own way. People said that it’s too much similarities for them to have and their chemistry is so unbelievably amazing. It’s like they are naturally meant for each other. Just like a pair of shoes. 

It’s so natural and a common thing to say they always crash at each other’s houses. That was before eunhyuk moved back to the dorm. back then donghae always comes to eunhyuk’s apartment almost everyday. and vice versa. but it mostly donghae who asked to come or donghae just comes to eunhyuk’s without notice. They always been like this. Donghae who likes skinships a lot while eunhyuk just lets donghae do whatever to him. Maybe some people will think that their moments are just fanservice but thats just how they are. they’re just being the way they are. 

They always rely on each other a lot actually. They almost didnt keep a secret between each other. they knew each other too well more than any other members. They even knew each other’s individual schedule or events. like who who will eunhyuk meet after this, or what will donghae do tomorrow, those kind of stuffs. every lil things they did, they always knew for each other. they are just unbelievably close. 

But who knows, one of them is really falling. It’s too much for him to receive these affections alone. He always keeps it cool but deep inside he might explode. It's already long enough for hyukjae to love him since then. The way he keeps hiding his feelings for himself. Not telling anyone about it. Imagine hiding this stupid feeling alone for the closest person  in this fucking world. He did suffering for himself. He always keeps it for himself. He didnt want to ruin this freaking long friendship just because of this dumb feeling. Donghae loves skinships so much. Like soooo much. He always touchs hyukjae unconsciously. At first, hyukjae always gets used to it when donghae did sudden hugs or held his hand. He already gets used to it. it’s been 20 years ofcourse he must get used to it. Donghae is indeed a clingy person so he always clings into hyukjae unconsciously like a habit. That’s a problem actually. Hyukjae actually didnt mind it at all when donghae being such a clingy ass but sometimes he cant handle that. 

Actually there’s one time he cant handle it. That time when they did a comeback for D&E, they did a blueroom live. Then they talked about their nicknames for each other. When they talked abt donghae’s nickname “haeknojam” then donghae starts to kiss hyukjae’s hand suddenly while laughing like an idiot  and he did it twice! in a fucking live broadcast. Hyukjae always keeps his cool and just lets donghae did it. he just said “Aniyoo” for times responding to donghae. That time actually, his heart almost explode. He thought why he did these in a live broadcast. and why did he kiss hyukjae’s hand?  hyukjae still cant figure it why he did it. that time after filming, donghae just acts like nothing happened. but hyukjae deep inside was flustered as hell but of course he acts like usual. Being playful and stuffs. Donghae just being himself too, being random and stuffs. Donghae always like this. It’s just hyukjae who’s been dazed and confused all the time. That time hyukjae tried so hard to calm his self down by jumping and dancing all the time. When donghae comes to ask,

“Hyukjae-ya, why are you practicing at this time, our schedule just ended right?”

“O-Oh i just wanna get myself sweaty,, i feel like my body stiffen, so yeah i keep practicing”

“Yeokshi uri d&e leader. dont push yourself too hard. promise me you will rest after this, okay?” he handed hyukjae a towel and  circling it into his neck while then keep wiping his sweat in hyukjae’s cheeks with that towel

“u-uhm of course. thanks”

“youre welcome always, my E oppa~~ chat me when you arrive at the dorm okay? lets go home” replied him while smiling 

“okay i will...”  

then donghae went to the car and went home. hyukjae feels his knees are gone then he sat on the floor.

“why he keeps confusing me...... sigh”

day after day of their promotions went well. At the end of the promotions, donghae was not like his usual self. It’s not he completely different person but he’s less clingy. and he often checks his phone and sometimes smiling while looking at his phone. Hyukjae thought maybe donghae looked at some funny things on his insta but thats just weird because he’s being too often looking at the phone. then he often picks up his phone outside it’s like he hides something from hyukjae. It’s not usual for him to do that. He always picks up his calls in front of hyukjae but not right now. It’s been weeks he did that, but actually hyukjae didnt care at all. Maybe he had something that is really his privacy. so he didnt think about it too much. But, day by day passed and it’s been 1 month already. He still being like that. When hyukjae came to his apartment, actually donghae asked him to come but donghae keeps being on the phone.  It’s not the real hyukjae if  he hadnt been curious. He was curious as hell. At first he keeps resisting himself not to be curious but maybe he cant after all. When hyukjae prepared the food he bought for donghae, donghae suddenly put his phone and went to shower. Hyukjae hesitated at first but he didnt care so he went quick to the table and looked at donghae’s phone. He enters the passwords (actually he knew it because donghae already told him when they went to a drive together, donghae cant open the phone because he focused on driving so he asked hyukjae to reply his mother’s message) and checked his kakao and insta. then he found one person other than him and his family in his pinned chats in his kakao. Then he opened the messages. 

Hyukjae never been so speechless before, it’s the first time. It turned out that person is donghae’s lover. He looked at those sweet messages and actually this saturday is their 3 months. they talked about how they can meet at saturday. it’s not just how his heart breaks in pieces. the fact he didnt tell him about it at all. and it’s been 3 months. how... hyukjae thought maybe if donghae told him, he can be prepared at anytime... 

“i thought we keep no secrets... but this is actually my fault too. i did have secret. so i deserved this.”

“but it hurts like hell what the fuck....” then hyukjae put donghae’s phone back to its place.  and tears keep falling without hyukjae realized himself. then he took his bag and left the food prepared for donghae. He left the house and cried on the way to the dorm. Hyukjae left a message to donghae via kakao.

Donghae who came out the bathroom after showering, becomes flustered. 

“Hyukjae ya, how’s the food is it good?”

no answer,,

“Hyukjae, where-” 

then he got notif from hyukjae 

“sorry i left first, i have something to do. I already prepared the tteokbokki. Have a good meal”

Donghae was so confused but he ate the tteokbokki anyway. he still didnt feel something strange..

few days after that, super junior have a schedule together for an interview. It’s so obvious that hyukjae tried so hard to avoid donghae at all cost. He distants himself from donghae and avoid donghae’s affections. He tries to keep it cool and still jokes around to the members. but he only avoids donghae. when donghae tries to talk to hyukjae after the interview ends, hyukjae keeps telling him he must go home. then donghae holds hyukjae’s hand

“Lee hyukjae, whats wrong with you? you’re obviously avoiding me? did i do something wrong?”

“N-no at all. you’re just touching me too much.”

“but i always did these to you,and you’re okay with that”

“yes but right now it’s not. okay good bye i must go right now. let go”

“just tell me why... please...”

“you didnt need to know”

then hyukjae pulls his hand harder and finally donghae let him go. donghae becomes frustrated himself. 

Leeteuk who saw this on the back feels there’s something wrong with these two... 

Hyukjae becomes so distant from donghae day by day, but no one notices it. it’s just donghae who feels something wrong but hyukjae will never tell him why. the members didnt feel it weird either because the atmosphere while being together as full members still feel lively. It didnt sound wrong at all. but only leeteuk who feels something weird. leeteuk who sees them quietly when in a dressing room, donghae didnt talk to hyukjae at all. hyukjae too, he didnt intend to talk to donghae at all. hyukjae always talks to kyuhyun or yesung in their leisure time. and donghae who hangs out with siwon all the time. it feels natural. but it feels weird too. then leeteuk asks donghae to come outside...

“Hey whats wrong?” leeteuk asks

“Me? im fine? why hyung asks that?”

“hyukjae. seems like you both not in a good terms recently”

“oh that. i dont know either” 

“ask him then what you did wrong”

“i have. but he said i didnt need to know?! he’s weird as fuck. how can i know what i did wrong while he’s being childish like that”

“hmmm, maybe you hide something and he did feeling betrayed or stuff? it may happen. those things always happen right for us”

“ah... maybe i know.....” 

then donghae rushed to hyukjae. 

“we need to talk”

“there’s nothing to talk about”

“hyukjae please.” 

“let me go”

“lee hyukjae... please”

“fine. i’ll give you 5 minutes”

“you saw my phone right?”

“thats- yeah i didnt mean to but yes i saw that you actually had a lover”

“thats why you’re mad?”

“yes? ofcourse? i feel betrayed you didnt tell me at all. i thought we’re close enough to tell about those kinda stuffs” (actually there’s not the only reason donghaeya.....)

“im about to tell you that night actually.. sorry for not telling you, im afraid that youre uncomfortable with this... pls forgive me okay”

“i-im okay for those kinda stuffs. im happy for u bro actually. but it’s just i feel sad you didnt tell me..”

“ so you forgive me?”

“hm maybe?” hyukjae still feels uncomfortable with this, its like he didnt want to see this fucking handsome angelic face in front of him anymore

then donghae becomes so happy and hugs him rightaway. hyukjae quickly tries to let go of him. 

“alright alright, let me go. lets just go home okay” donghae smiled happily after he heard he already been forgiven. but hyukjae still pretending. he pretends that it’s all okay for donghae for having a lover. but he’s not okay at all.

hyukjae forgives him but he cant face him actually and pretends to be fine all the time. everytime he meets donghae, he just feels uncomfortable. it didnt feel the same. hyukjae cant see him the same as before. hyukjae still keeps his cool and lets donghae did his skinships to him freely but deeply inside he is hurting. one day, he went to the building’s rooftop to get some fresh air in the middle of their schedule. Leeteuk suddenly comes to him.

“hyukjae ya....”

“oh whats wrong hyung?”

leeteuk doesnt say a word but immediately hugs him and pats his hair.

“i know it’s been hard”

hyukjae is flustered why he did this...

“hard? what do you mean hyung? hahaha”

“you loved him, am i right?”

“him?”

“eish stop pretending to be fine. i knew you two fights few days ago then you told him it was because he didnt tell you about his lover, it’s not the only reason right?”

“so you knew......”

“jtub told me that donghae already had a lover, donghae didnt tell me at first haha then he admitted it himself after then.”

“oh right.”

“what will you do then after this?”

“i dont know.. i cant keep pretending all the time. it hurts me to see his face it’s like i wanna punch him”

“even you loved him you want to punch him? lol”

“yes i hate that idiot smile of his until i want to-”

“kiss him so bad?”

“HYUNG”

“okay okay hahaha im kidding”

“but... sometimes i think of that too but ofcourse i wont do it” 

“he kissed your hand in a live broadcast why wont you?”

“no way i would kiss him first. its just me who had this feeling. he never feel the same, he just likes to play with me. its confusing”

then hyukjae silents for a bit

“hyung.. is it okay for me to go for a while? i kinda want to distract myself for  a while”

“its okay hyukjaeya. i respect all of your decisions as long as youre happy with it”

“ehm, it hurts so much seeing him these days. he keeps calling with his lover while there is me there in his house. thats fucking hurts. i cant do this anymore hyung. it’s like i wanna punch him for real. i hate having this feeling from the start.. i-i- *sobs*” hyukjae cried in leeteuk’s embraces. he cried so hard that time. 

“shussh shussh it’s okay hyukjae.. it’s a natural thing for us to fall in love. it’s not our fault to fall in love in the first place.”

“heuk- heuk- but i hate feeling this way. i hate myself” hyukjae still sobbing

after crying for so long, leeteuk’s shirt becomes so wet then leeteuk just laughs

“how can you hide those red eyes hahaha”

“right..... i dont know......”

“here i bring sunglasses lol just go home after this okay, so the members wont be suspicious haha”

“thank you so much hyung.... youre the best” 

“nah its always been my job to babysit all of you. so where would you go?”

“Japan. Maybe next week”

“okay, take care hyukjae. i will call you then”

then one day, hyukjae comes to his usual bar to hang out with donghae. but he comes alone. he feels like he wants to drink until he passed out for the last time before he goes to japan. then there’s jtub (donghae’s friend who is a composer too) who hangs out alone too. 

“Oh hyukjae, you come. Alone? where’s donghae?”

“nah i just feel like drinking alone”

“why?”

“i dont know i just want it”

then hyukjae really drinks a lot like A LOT. jtub tries to stop him but hyukjae insists he must drink more

“stop it or you will pass out here”

“i ddont fckin caree.. it issss m-my pplaaan annywway tto ssleep hhere until tomorrowww”

hyukjae lost it. he really lost it. he’s blabbering random sentences just now

“why.. wwhy sshould i llove that iddiot, i wanna kick hhis fckin handsome fface riight nnow,,,,, bastaard hhow you come to pplay wwith myy ffeelingg llike this,, itt hurtts sso mmuch i hhate yyou” then he sobs

“argghhhhhhh my head’‘ss sppinning” 

jtub didnt know who he was talking about but right now he needs to call someone to bring this idiot to come home

“hyukjae you need to come home.. i’ll call donghae”

“NOO DDONT CCALL THHAT BASTTARD” he tried to take jtub’s phone but it failed because he cant control himself because of the alcohol

“ah... so he’s heartbroken....... eish i didnt know that hyukjae is falling for his best friend.. eish let them finish this problem themselves i should back out”

“nno ddont him ppleasse, or i will kick hhis fucckin facce when hhe comess llater” then he sobs and passed out in the long table near the barista

few minutes later, donghae comes in a rush. 

“donghae ya here!” jtub calls

“oh my, what did you feed him huh?!?”

“wow slow man, he’s drinking and paying those bottles himself you know, i tried to stop him but he insisted to drink it until morning.”

“why’s he like this... he never been like this before...”

“you didnt know? why’s he like this? really?”

“uhm no, why? do you know?”

“try to figure it yourself then, its your problems anyway.”

“so he’s like this , because of me?!”

“spoiler : yes”

“oh man, why... okay then i’ll be going first” 

donghae tries to wake up hyukjae but still didnt get a respon. 

“Hyukjae-ya lets go home”

“ehmmm i want to sleep here”

“but it closes soon. you must go home. let me take you home eung?”

then hyukjae wakes up and see donghae  who’s ready to pick him up

“oh it’s lee donghae!” 

“yep it’s me. lets go home okay?”

“the way i wanna kick your face but i didnt have the strength right now, i’ll just kick you tomorrow”

“pardon? what?” donghae flustered and shocked

“right? it’s on you bro lol” jtub said

“okay okay lets just go home” donghae took hyukjae in his shoulders and caught him by the waist. then they both go to hyukjae’s dorm with donghae’s car

hyukjae falls asleep in the car. and keeps talkin in his sleep a bit

“lee donghae you bastard”

donghae is surprised and turns his head to passenger’s seat. 

“The fuck?!” 

then hyukjae sleeps again

“why’s he like this and why me?”

they finally arrived at hyukjae’s dorm and kyuhyun didnt come home so it’s just the two of them there. donghae hardly brings hyukjae to his room in his druk state. 

“im glad that you’re this tiny,  i can bring you home easily”

then donghae puts hyukjae to the bed and takes off his jacket, socks, and shoes. he wipes hyukjae’s forehead too with wet towel too.. hyukjae wakes up suddenly.

“stop being so kind to me” he stops donghae’s hand from wiping his forehead

“huh? why? im your closest friend it’s my job to take care of you idiot”

“i can take care of myself well. just go” hyukjae turns his head to the left side and puts the blanket covering his whole body. 

“why do you like this?”

“its not ur business”

“hyukjae ya... tell me whats wrong”

“Us. we cant be like this”

“why? you’re my closest friend-”

“We’re not supposed to be like this donghae ya. we must not”

hyukjae wakes up and turns into donghae. 

“We.... cant be like this donghaeya... we cant be....” hyukjae starts to cry

“hyukjae... why cant we... “

“why are you crying.. dont cry...“ donghae said again while carressing hyukjae’s tears with his thumb

“ *sobs* we- cant- be- like this... we just cant.....” hyukjae is still sobbing while talking

“tell me why, what should i do to stop you from crying please dont cry it hurts seeing you cry like this” donghae said softly 

“you.” 

“me? why?”

hyukjae still crying and doesnt want to answer.. 

“hyukjae tell me... please.. i dont wanna see you cry...”

hyukjae then holds donghae’s hand in his cheeks...

he looked at donghae’s eyes with those falling tears.. 

“you deserved to hate me forever.” 

hyukjae leaned in to donghae’s face and pressed a soft kiss into his lips. 

hyukjae pulls out and donghae is flustered and confused...

“h-hyukjae w-why-”

“leave me right now”

“b-but you have to tell-”

“leave or our friendship ends. leave please”

“hyukjae-ya.... “

“PLEASE LEAVE. *sobs* please...”

then donghae gets up from the bed and leaves hyukjae alone...

that’s it. that’s the end. hyukjae’s first love comes to an end. that angel is finally gone.... 

hyukjae cries in his bed so hard... the worst feeling ever. he hates himself more than anyone else. but he must end it. he must end this stupid feeling. the overflowing feelings he had for his best friend for years. he will stop loving him no matter what. 

“Thankyou for making me feel loved although actually it’s just me who feel that way... im happy... thankyou...” then he’s still crying for so long in the middle of the night

meanwhile donghae is feeling so flustered and mad. he didnt know why he’s mad. the fact his best friend cried because of him.. hyukjae’s eyes that told him everything. hyukjae’s puppy eyes that only shines everytime suddenly covered by the rain. the hard rain that falls because of him. he never knew. he never realized.. he didnt want to believe it. but it’s just feel so real. his tears falls in his cheek when hyukjae kissed him... he never feels the saddest kiss ever... it hurts so much. he didnt knoe either why it hurts so much. it feels like hyukjae will leave him for real... he cant imagine how his life would be without hyukjae.. it will never be the same.. 

donghae still feels confused.... he didnt know what to do after this... or tomorrow, or days after this.... he just didnt know what to do... 

the next day, hyukjae is already in the airport waiting for boarding to Tokyo. his eyes are completely red becuase of crying that night before.  He decides to go there to heal and repair himself. he just needs time alone for a while. he didnt know when he will be back to work as super junior. he’s already takin care of all of these with the company, and the company said yes. it’s up to him when will he decide to come back.... 

“hyukjae-ya, already at the airport?”

“eung hyung, there’s still 15 minutes before boarding”

“okay then, take care hyukjae... and one thing what if he asked me where you go?”

“hm, dont tell him hyung, just say that i want to spend my time alone.”

“fine i’ll do that. eish that insensitive bastard haha i’ll kick his face for you someday”

“nah hyung just let him be it’s my fault anyway for loving him in the first place. it’s never been his fault”

“aigu my precious dongsaeng already grown up”

“eish hyung your precious dongsaeng here is 34 years old”

“youre still a big baby to me anyway..”

“thankyou hyung. i’ll call you often when im in tokyo”

“yes sir!” 

“oh its time for boarding, im off hyung, bye bye!!”

“okay take care hyukjae ya, have a proper meals okay?”

“of courseee goodbye hyung”

hyukjae finally ends his phone call with leeteuk and walks in to the plane. finally he made up his mind and try to heal himself first.. he’s afraid that this feeling disrupt his works with him. so he must repair himself more to become a better person.. 

meanwhile donghae who didnt know anything at all,,

he worked out like crazy... he’s already working out since morning. and it’s already evening. he worked out and worked out.. he did everything in the gym. he’s like a mad person right now. he didnt pick up the calls from everyone.. even his lover too.. 

the instructors there feels worried because it’s not usual for donghae to act like this. then the instructors try to call jtub, donghae’s friend who’s been at the same gym with him. 

actually jtub is very busy right now so he cant go there to save that idiot friend from overworking his body. then jtub called leeteuk because leeteuk already said to him if donghae acts weird, he’s free to call him. 

leeteuk comes to donghae’s usual gym rightaway after finishing his schedule. 

“eomma ya. it’s already 7pm. and he’s been working out since 7 am?!?”asks him to the one of the instructors

“yes sir. he’s been like this since morning. we’re too scared to disturb him because he seems not in his right mind”

leeteuk walks in slowly to donghae. 

“donghae ya”

donghae still wont listen he still in his threadmill

“lee donghae please come down.”

“come on donghae you never been like this, you never disobeyed my orders. come on donghae please stop this. you makes yourself sick”

donghae finally stops the threadmill and come down. 

he falls rightaway in the floor. 

“donghae-ya are you okay? hey? donghaeya?”

“hyung... it’s my fault...” after that, donghae lost his consciousness

Donghae wakes up in his house with leeteuk who waits for him.

“Oh are you okay? do you hurt yourself?”

“no-no im okay hyung..” 

“eish why did you work out like that? you know it can kill you. what if i didnt come? who will take care of you? oh my god this kid. how old are you huh? youre fuckin 34 please grow up” leeteuk keeps nagging while wipes donghae’s forehead 

“sorry hyung...” 

“promise me you wont do this again oh god”

donghae just nods... then he suddenly remembers something

“i need to meet hyukjae.. i need-”

“stop he wont meet you”

“even he doesnt want to, i keep going to meet him”

“what would you say then? ask him for an apologize for something you didnt realize?”

“hyung... so you knew..”

“of course. just stop it. you wont ever meet him right now. you just cant”

“no hyung i must-”

“he’s leaving. he’s not in south korea.”

“what..... are you serious?”

“yes”

“where did he go? i can go right now”

“no you cant, just let him alone donghae ya. okay? please listen to me, he’s hurting. you never knew how he feels. because you never feels it. what do you want to say to him? anything that you would say, it wont heal him. because it’s on you. you’re the source of his broken state. he will overcome this someday. just wait okay?”

“but.... it hurts so much.. i dont know it just hurts so much seeing him cry.. seeing him so weak like that night. i really want to embrace him but he keep pushing me off, he keeps crying and crying.... his trembling voice when he tried to talk to me hurts me so much... he’s never showing this side of him for these time being.. i just didnt know what to do... it hurts so much seeing him in that state, i want to see him so fuckin much... i just- ” then he cant say anymore.. he’s loss at speech... he’s crying... 

“hyung... why im late to realize this.... why..... he’s already left what should i do.... im fuckin stupid... im so fucking dumb......” 

donghae cries in leeteuk’s shoulder.. leeteuk cant say anything... he just pats donghae’s back softly.. “just wait for him okay.... he’ll be okay..”

donghae still cant figure out why he’s also breaking.... he just feels that his heart is shattered knowing these situations at once.. 

confused, flustered, and mad. he’s mad at himself... 

“how can i never realize  in these time being?” 

part 1 end 

[hatsukeii]

hello! can i request a scenario where the reader is a manager along w/ yachi and kageyama and tsukki have like the PHATTEST crush on them but what they didnt kno is that yachi and the reader are dating bc they thought they were just Rlly Good Friends and the reader is vv affectionate? and like how would they react once they found out that theyre dating? IDK IF IT MAKES SENSE IM SO SORRY I THOUGHT ABT THIS AT 3AM HSKDJDD ANYWAYS THANK UU AND IM SORRY AGAIN

OKAY I HAD SO MANY PENDING REQUESTS AND UNFINISHED DRAFTS BUT THIS THIS IS TOO GOOD TO PROCRASTINATE ON ABHAHAH-

And DON’T BE SORRY BEBY, 3am is when our inner Voltaire shows.

Btw if you wanna be tagged in this scenario just comment or pm me!!

You guys seem to be very good friends//Kageyama x Reader x Tsukishima

Word count: 1900+

Warnings: mild swearing

Summary: Tsukishima and Kageyama decide to ask their crush out, not knowing about her own relationship status.

“You’re not asking her out, I am. She said she likes darker hair more when I asked her last week.”

“Back off you Oompa Loompa, she’s gonna be mine by the end of the month. You’re too dumb for her anyways.”

“No way in hell would she want your salty ass.”

“You wanna say that again to my face you little bitch-”

“Hey guys.”

The two boys jumped up in surprise, blushing wildly at your unexpected arrival to the gym.

It’s been about two months since THE incident. You know, the time when the volleyball team decided to play truth or dare at Daichi’s, and both Tsukishima and Kageyama were dared to text their crushes “You are less shitty than everyone else, just saying.” It wasn’t until (Y/N) called Kageyama asking why both him and Tsukishima sent her such a weird text, did the two members of the team find out that they shared a crush with their archenemy. From that day on, the two have been trying even harder to irritate and taunt each other during practice. The both of them were determined to beat the other at confessing their feelings and taking her out. This day was no exception.

“O-oh hi (Y/N), what brings you here? It’s like 7, practice just ended.” Tsukishima questioned, awkwardly scratching his head as he tried his best not to sound like a stuttering idiot.

“Yeah, it’s late, uh- you shou-should ho gome- I MEAN GO HOME.” The blond smirked as the raven haired setter completely stumbled over his own words, slapping a hand to his mouth while his face continued to burn crimson.

The tiny girl in front of them gave the two that godforsaken amazing adorable heart melting smile, chuckling angelically, before explaining. “Ah, I’m actually here to pick Yachi up, she told me she was staying behind to help clean the gym out because I had plans after school. I promised her I would pick her up at 7, would you happen to know where she is?” The two boys looked at each other, before racing to the storage closet, competing to be the one that brings the blond manager to the girl of their dreams. “You could’ve just told me where she was, but okay! Thanks!” (Y/N) yelled after them.

“Jesus Christ you tyrant king, how’d you get here quicker?” Kageyama smugly grinned at Tsukishima as he approached Yachi. “Yachi, (Y/N)’s outside, she said she was picking you up.” The blonde manager’s face lit up, dropping the last volleyball into the basket. “Oh! Oh shit, I have to go now guys, see you!” Kageyama followed Yachi out of the storage closet, purposely shoving Tsukishima back with his shoulder on the way out, earning a scowl. “I got Yachi, you two head home now, stay safe!” “Thank you so much Kageyama, you two stay safe when you leave too!” The shorter manager waved the two boys off, lacing her fingers with Yachi’s as they walked out of the gym. “Tch, let’s see who gets her now shitty glasses. I helped her when she needed it.” Tsukishima rolled his eyes, letting out his shit eating smirk as he snickered. “Mhm, ho gome, very good grammar you got there. The only somewhat smart thing you’ve done is get her best friend. Sis probably still thinks you’re stupid.” Kageyama went silent for a moment, before lashing out at the middle blocker, grabbing his collar and shaking him violently. “Oi, we never speak of that again! Ever!” “Whatever you say baby dick. I’m still gonna ask her out to the festival, you’re not gonna stop me.” Tsukishima gave Kageyama a sneer, before packing his stuff and leaving the gym without turning anything off, just to piss Kageyama off. “Annoying ass shittyshima.” 

Throughout the next week, the two boys have tried relentlessly to grab (Y/N)’s attention. From secret love notes, to chocolates in her locker, to a full blown necklace. To say she was intrigued, but unbothered, would be pretty much accurate. “Hm? (Y/N)? Another love note? Who could it be? They’re getting on my nerves....” The shorter manager waved her hands, stuffing the letter back into her locker as she tried to explain to the blonde. “I don’t know who it is, but this is the third day in a row, and there’s chocolates too.” Yachi huffed out, before wrapping an arm around her. “Those scrawny ass boys better not be hitting on you!” (Y/N) chuckled a little bit, before tapping Yachi’s nose. “Even if they were, it wouldn’t matter to me.” The two of them continued to walk down the hallways, gaining occasional stares and glances along the way as they chatted.

Kageyama and Tsukishima watched from their lockers, anticipating her reaction to their love notes and chocolates. “Not even a glance?” “It’s been three days, she’s ought to be the slightest bit curious, no?” They watched as you frantically shoved the letter back into your locker as Yachi stood with her hands on her hips. The blonde then proceeded to wrap an arm around you as you tapped her nose. “Hm, they sure are close aren’t they? (Y/N)’s constantly looking for Yachi, and she always comes and picks her up if she stays until late. They’re so comfortable with each other that they even hold hands.” Tsukishima analysed, pushing his glasses up as he glanced at Kageyama, who was still completely confused with what had just happened. “How are we supposed to get through Yachi? She seems to never approve of anyone that dares confess to (Y/N). You remember Hiroyama from a few months back? He tried confessing, and ended up getting scared away by Yachi. He looked like he was about to piss his pants. He wouldn’t get anywhere near (Y/N) for weeks. I don’t wanna end up like him.” The blue haired setter recalled, slightly nervous about his plan to confess. “You know what? Screw it. I’m gonna go ask her out now.” Tsukishima jogged towards you and Yachi, Kageyama trailing closely behind him. “LIKE HELL ARE YOU ASKING HER OUT BEFORE ME SHITTY GLASSES!”

“Me? You’re asking me?” Tsukishima was now blushing furiously. “I- I just- ye- tch, yeah, I-I’m asking if yo-you wanna b-be my date for the s-summer festival.” Kageyama’s face fell. Oh god no, Tsukishima’s attempt better fail, or I won’t have a chance at all. “Oi, Tsukishima, back off. She’s not going to go with you.” Tsukishima gave his iconic sarcastic smile. “Yachi, maybe you should just let me ask your best friend out? I’ve been pondering over it for weeks, and I’m not about to let this opportunity slip. Maybe you should stop scaring guys away when they confess to her, that way she’ll actually have some form of freedom.” He slightly snarled, cheeks still completely red. Kageyama approached the three. “So, Shittyshima, you got rejected and now you’re salty about it? Told you she doesn’t want you, she’d be much better off going to the festival with me.” “Wha-” “Oh yeah Kageyama? Go back and coddle with Hinata first-” “OI YOU LITTLE BITCH WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME-” “Guys stop.” The two boys stopped their bantering instantly, now embarrassed and flustered. “I’m not going with either of you. I’m going with Yachi.” The blond middle blocker scoffed. “Well you guys seem to be very good friends indeed. Deadass the whole point of the festival is that it’s for people that want to ask someone out, at this point you two should just get married. Plus, Yachi literally scares away anyone that tries to ask you out, maybe she should stop controlling who you’re together with?” Yachi gave (Y/N) a weird look, before they both burst out laughing like madmen. 

“AHDHHDHAHAHAAH YOU REALLY THOUGHT I SCARED THOSE PEOPLE AWAY BECAUSE I DIDN’T APPROVE OF THEM?”

Kageyama raised an eyebrow. “Uh, yeah. What could it possibly be anyways?”

The two girls continued to cackle.

“TSUKISHIMA, KAGEYAMA, THE ONLY REASON WHY I WON’T GO OUT WITH ANYONE, AND WHY YACHI DOESN’T LET PEOPLE CONFESS TO ME, IS BECAUSE WE’RE DATING!”

What in the name of hell?

“YOU WHAT?” The two boys screamed, eyes now wide with shock.

“Yeah, we’re dating, now back off. You may be my friends, but if you do anything to my dear (Y/N) I won’t hesitate to make you piss your pants!” Yachi puffed out her cheeks, putting her hands on her hips. They continued to stare at them in shock, trying to take in all this new information. “(Y/N), you never told me that you were- that you were lesbian?” (Y/N) laughed heartily at Tsukishima’s question, taking a deep breath, before continuing to cackle. “I’m not lesbian, I’m bisexual, but Yachi’s lesbian. We’ve been dating for an entire year by now! How have you two not noticed at all? Everyone in the volleyball team knows!” The two boys looked to the ground out of embarrassment. “O-oh, I take back all the love letters I gave you, I-I didn’t know.” Kageyama mumbled, fiddling with his fingers. “Ye-yeah same, but you can keep the chocolates.” Tsukishima twirled his earphone jack around his finger in an attempt to calm himself down. “We’ll be going now, see you two later!” The manager yelled, waving them off. “What the hell just happened?” Kageyama whispered. “I think we just got rejected-” “YEAH NO SHIT WE GOT REJECTED SHITTY GLASSES.”

“HINATA!” “Yeah Kageyama-” “WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL ME (Y/N) AND YACHI WERE DATING?” The spiker went silent, before snickering to himself. “So you finally found out.” Kageyama zoomed towards the orange haired boy. “I’M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU ABSOLUTE DUMBASS!” “AHAHHA I’M SORRY BAKAGEYAMA! YOU WERE JUST WAY TOO DENSE, I HAD TO SEE WHETHER YOU WOULD FIND OUT EVENTUALLY OR NOT!” “YOU LITTLE SHIT, WHAT THE HELL KIND OF THOUGHT PROCESS IS THAT? I TALKED ABOUT CONFESSING SO MANY TIMES AND YOU NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT INFORMING ME OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP?”

“Yamaguchi.” “Hm, Tsukki, what’s up?” Tsukishima’s face darkened. “Why didn’t you tell me (Y/N) was taken?” Yamaguchi shrunk away from the blond’s tall figure. “I thou-thought you knew already? It was super obvious!” The taller boy sighed, scratching the back of his head. “I made a complete fool of myself because I didn’t know she was dating Yachi.” Yamaguchi’s mouth hung open. “Don’t tell me-” “Yes, I tried to ask her out.” “TSUKKI I’VE ALREADY TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT!” “YEAH WELL YOU REALLY THOUGHT I WOULD LISTEN TO SOMEONE THAT TOLD ME NOT TO ASK MY CRUSH OUT WITH NO APPARENT REASON?”

From afar, the two girls observed amusedly. “Hm, I wonder how Hinata’s gonna die? He was the first one to find out about us.” Kageyama was still chasing Hinata around wildly, trying to grab at his club tee. “I honestly wonder what Tsukishima’s gonna do to Yamaguchi. Poor guy. Tsukishima had his headphones on as he went through his phone, his ears still red from bringing up the issue. Yamaguchi was next to him, trying to calm him down, but to no avail. “Ahh, out of everyone, I least expected these two to not realise early on. I thought Tsukishima was good at reading people.” You stated to Yachi, laughing a bit. “I know right? I swear, that was hilarious. Did you see his face? Mans looked like that strawberry on that cake he had for lunch this afternoon! God, I would literally pay to see that face again.”

I guess the two boys now know not to hit on (Y/N) ever again.

Yesss I love this request so much oh my god thank you-