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feralwetcat · 4 months

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I haven't been very sappy on main so *throws sad shit at you* (aka me thanking the fable community and cast again, cuz goddammit you guys are so neat and cool)

Fable smp was, and is probably one of my favorite things I've discovered, i clicked on one of heyhays vods one day on a whim and gods im so glad i did, the way Fable has shaped me as a person and helped me improve is honestly crazy, its how i got into doing art, how i improved, how i met most of my friends, its genuinely been an amazing journey.

For me as a person, my home has always been an odd environment, without getting into too much detail my family has lots of trauma circling around, my brother and dad especially, so the way Fable comforted me through bad days, or when my dad would burst out at me or my mum, its genuinely such a crazy thing that these little block guys have helped me through so fucking much, the way they've helped me discover who i am, to feel represented through so many characters, heck even just hyperfixating with others, its amazing

Its helped me become more confident in my own skin, able to accept my body and how fucked up it is, from the rep with disabilities to identities, seeing something like "hey i have that!" Or "i experience that!", even the small pieces, its so fuckin awesome to see such cool people that are honestly like me

To all the cast: thank you, if not for making Fable, but for representing people, for showing us how much of an outlet being creative can be, and everything in between, all of this is so crazy how cool and detailed it is, truly.

To the fandom: you all are so fuckin cool, the way i get so excited when you guys interact with my stuff, art, silly posts, or just jokes, it's just so cool to interact with y'all, I've made so many friends and i know I'll make more, especially with all the smps y'all promote, keep doin that, i love your stuff guys<3

(now for specifics that have made me feel seen ayo)

To Athena: thank you, genuinely, for making a space that i feel seen in, i feel welcome in, the rep with C!Athenas disability and still having a great time, having a fulfilling life, which I've been told so many times I can't have due to my disabilities, its so amazing, even if its sleepy stardew, lore, or anything in-between, your community and self is so inviting and comforting. Your voice has always been so comforting (like a chill pink mixed with a light coffee brown feel:]), and i genuinely can't thank you enough, if not for representing me, but for becoming a comfort streamer for me

To Ghosty: Caspian as a character was so cool to see, his story was like a good book really, one you could pull up and watch with some tea or hot coco and a blanket, one that was so interesting, I've experienced some of the issues he worked through and it felt so amazing to see, especially a trans character whos entire personality wasn't that he was trans, or a character who struggled with grief but was still happy and able to be *alright* sometimes, thank you.

To Sherb: the way you did lore, and continue to do lore, always excited me, got me feeling genuine emotions, which I've always struggled with, it made me get into storytelling, something I've always enjoyed, it made me get into telling my own stories, its been so enjoyable, and will continue to be ! Icarus as a character made me feel seen in the way that you can care for someone, trust them fully, but they can still be a good person, but the way they treat you makes you believe they're a good person, and thats really important to me. Thank you Sherbert

To Connor: gods your writing is so cool, your fics motivated me to start writing again, and Ulysses as a character as well is such an interesting character, his writing is so neat and his story again made me feel so seen in many ways, and your writing is so good

Finally, To Beck: Arisanna was and continues to be a character i resonate with, always working for someone, never for yourself, feeling alone at times even with many people, having to or feeling like you have to provide for your friends and family, i grew up feeling like i had to protect my older brother, make sure he was alright, and Ari made me feel seen in that way, thanks for that, really

Thank you everyone, for supporting me, through my art, pickup lines, or just dumb jokes

Signed, FeralWetCat (Kai)

#im so late into this lol i just wanna do a longer post on this #cuz like fable made me feel so seen:(#fable smp #fablesmp #fablesmpblr #fsmp #fsmpblr #fable smp finale #being sappy on main #<3 #took a lot of courage to post this lmao #been marinatin in my drafts lmao

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ganondoodle · 4 months

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I just wanna say firstly that i adore your artwork and takes6on Zelda in general! Secondly, much as I wish you never had to deal with the frustrations of creating (especially when you tack on the stress of being on any kind of social platform), I'm glad you talk about your struggle. I've heard people talk about art block every day since I learned what Art was, but nobody ever mentioned "painting oneself into a corner". It's such an apt description that is so infuriatingly relatable that I had to stop eating to thank you for putting it into words. I really appreciate that you're willing to talk about your setbacks in a place like Tumblr, and still share your arts and thoughts. All the best from US of hellscape A, i hope you're doing well.

Thank you!

i used to call it artblock as well, its the most normalized term i guess; i randomly started calling it painting myself into a corner when i got stuck or frustrated on a painting bc welll, it sure feels like it, you painted the walls all around you and dont know how to get out now

it usually happens when i stop having fun and just draw what i want and instead keep subconsciously forcing myself into arbitrary rules; in my case its usually trying to be too perfect, i try to adhere to the sketch, i try to make every block of color have a perfectly clean edge, separate the drawing into way too many layers and am afraid to delete or erase anything, i tense up my whole body as frustration builds bc of impatience as this method of painting does not work for me at all and in the end lose motivation on it all and my nerves are stretched thin (i work best when i think as little as possible, just kinda loosely letting my hand do what it wants on few layers and no specific plan, after losing that its hard to get it back)

having those low moments with your art is normal as your skill grows, but even knowing so, and having gone through it countless times, it never stops making you feel like shit, and its especially frustrating when it happens when you just got enough time to work on stuff or have alot of ideas but you cant get it to work

(and funnily enough it also tends to happen after another work of mine got more attention than i thought .. even worse when it was just a sketch bc now i got the pressure on me to actually finish it and the fear of it doing worse once done looms over the whole thing- which doesnt mean i dont want people to interact with my wips, bc that also has an extremely demotivating factor to it bc it makes me think no one cares or it sucks and doesnt deserve the time i would need to spend on finishing it; also .. alot of my wips stay wips forever, which is fine, but like .. you cant always expect a finished tm version to happen)

i do find it a little funny you praise me for talking openly about it bc i am notoriously unable to shut up ever and only recently got better at NOT talking as much about it when i feel as shitty as this bc it doesnt really help anyone and gets annoying really fast xD (im also notoriously unable to not post absolutely everything bc i got no one to show it to and otherwise it will just collect dust on my harddrive so i might as well throw it out there no matter how much i might hate it, someone else might still enjoy it anyway)

and greetings back from the -not really much less of a hellscape- that is germany o/

#ganondoodles answers #currently sinking deeper into that corner lol #been trying to draw the ancient rito guy and based it on those cool looking fruit doves #but forgot its kinda dumb from a color perspective bc its largely green ....... like the damn stone ..........#also been doing the ... all the things i mentioned above that make me feel this frustrated depressed kinda thing #i just WANT TO DRAW LET ME DRAW THERES SO MCUH TO DRAW ARGH

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pigeon-noises · 2 months

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HIII!!!I LOVE UR ARTRNASDJKNDA

im currently struggling with my art and id say your art is pretty swag! you have that perfect blend of realism and stylization and i really admire that!

I'd like to know what's your process for drawing anatomy!

Hello and thank you!! So sorry, I've been away from my computer and pretty busy for a while - hope you don't mind a much belated answer.

As far as anatomy goes, I will say I'm definitely still learning, so my process is a bit all over the place, but I can explain my usual approach under the cut with an example:

0. Optional tiny Vibes Drawing (Smaller than 1-inch thumbnail to figure out the overall shape of the figure/what to emphasize) to refer back to while drawing. I didn't actually do one here... 1. Block out head and lines for shoulder/hip/torso midline/limbs 2. Add Shapes to fill out the limbs/chest (ribs/collarbones are usually my landmarks for this) 3. Panic and look up references for the things that don't quite feel right (hands + arm in this case) to fix the drawing 4. And refine until the lines feel right

I realized belatedly that maybe Siffrin wasn't the best example since everything gets covered! But it's too late now During anatomy studies, I'll draw out muscles and stuff (replacing steps 2/3 with more structured construction), but I often just go by "shapes that feel nice" when I'm not studying. Less constricting that way. For anatomy experts, Proko has some great videos on figure construction (and figure drawing for all its worth is an excellent book!). It's a long answer, but thanks very much for asking, and I hope you can cut through your art struggles!

#asks #notart #well there is some art here #Siffrin on my mind because I saw a Siffrin cosplayer at AX but they were too far away to catch up to! Regret regret

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officialhunterthefox · 6 months

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I want to make friends with you cool people (even if you don’t wanna be mine 😔)

BTW!!

Unlike other people my age I am completely fine with suggestive accounts and those people following me (as long as they aren't WEIRD) I make suggestive content too just never post it.

btw I am NOT under 15 and people assume I am 7 because of my voice 😭😭😭

I REALLY LIKE RETRO STUFF HAHAHA (i wish i was born before the 2000s SAVE ME)

I CREATED VIRUSKILLER! KINITO‼️‼️🦅🦅 @viruskiller-kinitoaskblog

(Btw some didn’t understand but when I say under 13 dni I mean the ones who can’t handle gore, horror ect. Because I was HEAVILY inspired by trevor henderson when making horror art)

Current BIG hyperfixtions: Regretevator, kinitopet

I block a lot of people who make me uncomfortable or those who want me to block them (if you don't want me to follow you just dm me and I'll be chill to unfollow or block)

FORGIVE ME IF I AM AGGRESSIVE WITH THINGS BECAUSE ITS HOW I AM (aggressive as in saying "IM GONNA EAT YOU ALIVE" or "I WILL BLEND YOU INTO A DRINK")

Btw little fact (yall need to help me in this): I still am learning neopronouns and struggle with it a lot so if I misgender you and you have neopronouns I am learning please forgive me 🙏

Hunter: 🇲🇽🇮🇹🇺🇸 - Goofy Highschooler who writes, animates, draws and more. - ADHD (mild) - Voice actor - Insane (in a silly way) - I may have a few illnesses but I haven't been "diagnosed" (writing diagnosed like that because my "mother" claims I have got nothing and that my doctor didn't find anything when he clearly said I had adhd to me.)🧍 - VERY BAD ANXIETY IM SORRY, but at the same time I WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH YALL AND TALK!!! - I've been through health class like 4 times so yes I know what s#x is (thats what I mean by me being a mature minor)😭

#officialhunterthefox #intro post #introduction #digital art #fandom #yanderefandom #yandereoc #my ocs

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rotten-vivs · 1 year

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1, 3, 4, 6, 8, 9, 10, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 22, 24

choose violence ask game (life series edition)

oh my god, this is gonna be a bit long lmao, bear with me

1. the character everyone gets wrong

tango, i have rarely seen people get him just right. he's one of those characters that unfortunately gets molded into whatever the fandom needs him to be. dont blame them, i can admit i also struggled to have a good grasp of his character at first

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

i saw someone rant about how scott and cleo were just merciless bullies against pearl. which yeah, they were pretty mean to her, but the person didn't even attempt to understand scott and cleo's motivations. i know it doesn't seem much, but as someone who has a passion for that series's characters and their motivations it pissed me off that they were just ignored

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

the person from the question above lol. i rarely block accounts (unless they're bots), but the post i mentioned had very disgusting vibes

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

solidaritek shippers who talk shit about flower husbands. and the opposite too, but i've seen that one more. let jimmy be loved by two people for fuck's sake!!

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

"dogwarts were the good guys actually" NO THEY FUCKING WERENT. watch the crastle or jimmy and scott (especially those two), dogwarts tried to forcefully take over all groups at one point. im not saying they were evil, they had understandable motivations...but that doesn't make them "good". i think this opinion popularized as pushback from "desert duo are the good guys" opinion (which is also wrong lol)

9. worst part of canon

the limited life ending, im sorry. not because martyn "played dirty", if anything that made the ending way better than it would've been. but the lead up from all three final perspectives were a bit underwhelming

10. worst part of fanon

sometimes people give too much power to the watchers to the point they take away autonomy from the characters. they are WATCHERS. they watch, not play. yes they put the players in the situation, but the players themselves are the ones putting the show

13. worst blorboficiation

i dont know if worst, but lizzie. she tends to be very dumbed down and infantilized. as if she didn't kill as boogey multiple times by making people trust her. dont get me wrong, she is chronically confused, but she is not a sweet innocent angel too fragile for this world

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

i really dont know anything about hermitcraft so there might be a reason for it, but i see a lot of fics that make that server the "safe haven/place of healing in between life games". i dont really watch hc, so whenever i see it in fics and they reference stuff from that server i go ???. not complaining of course, i just try to pick up the context clues and use the general fandom knowledge i gathered through osmosis

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

y'know, i still don't know what those things that people put on pearl's head are. they look like bunny ears, or two feathers sticking out. something i also see a lot is all the winners in stained glass windows, sometimes in a "Hall of Winners". i dont know where it came from, but i eat it up every single time, i love it

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

not a fan of romantic smalletho. i tried, the idea of them is fun, but they're just besties in my brain

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

ender skizz!! his 3L red skin is so iconic. also more team best as superheroes. they called themselves the heroes of the server, dress them up as that

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

i dont see people referencing cleo's almost death by tree suffocation on the first episode of third life, even though they were so many perspectives of it. narratively, it was the first time that they saw death as a possible threat. outside of the story, it was so fucking funny. they were all chilling and suddenly, tree

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

i'll be honest, im not the biggest smut fan. i'm not against it, but i dont really get the appeal. i won't turn away an E rated fic if im interested on the concept of the overall fic, but i dont actively search them. i will say...treebark smut is always so well fucking written. the love, the devotion, the yearning, the desperation, the craving. treebark enjoyers can write a good sex scene, and you can quote me on that

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

bigb was jealous of ren and martyn in double life. he says it, out loud, multiple times. there's so many angles you can go with this and so much potential. there's the treebark angle of course, but there's also how bigb used that to avoid responsibility from having a secret soulmate behind ren's back. tbh ren and bigb's relationship overall is way too ignored for literally being the most interesting soulmate pair

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

a bit more overall mcyt than life series fandom, but any boundaries discourse, especially shipping for some reason. i have a lot of opinions, but overall i think we should stop fucking talking about "boundaries" so much. boundaries assumes a two-way interaction. and unless i am tagging the cc or putting stuff on their chats/comments or on knowingly frequented tags, what i am posting does not need their permission. does that mean "post everything, have no morals"? fuck no, but that is really the responsibility of each person. if i don't think something should be posted on the internet, i won't do it. if i see people posting that stuff, i will mute/block/report (if needed). you know what we shouldn't do? bring attention to uncomfortable shit to ccs when they are live (aiming this directly to the 2 donos in the last couple of weeks that have asked scar what his boundaries on shipping is, which he either truly doesn't understand or is purposely avoiding to reply). anyways, always causes rancid discourse and at worst full on witch hunts for shit that really doesn't matter

#this took forever but it was fun. anyone else is welcome to send some of the other questions :D #also take nothing personally. i love this series but it is indeed just a silly block game #trafficblr #life series smp #trafficshipping #discourse #.ask game.#.anon asks.

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zoofles · 9 months

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I'd agree with you except that it seems that you lie a lot. You've changed the story about the age you were abused at about 10 times over the years. You also keep changing the story about what abuse you faced. And I don't mean that you come across as an abuse victim who is confused, suffers with memory loss because of their abuse etc, because that's valid, and that may be the case with you, but you seem awfully confident and angry about the ages you were abused at even though you change the age every 2 months. In your archives you can see how inconsistent you are and contradictory you are with most of your story. Anyway it's not relevant if it's not something you actually struggle with but it comes across that way.

Wow! Your assumption is so fucking stupid and rude im honestly dumbfounded. 🤷crazy how I not only suffer with DID amnesia, extreme dissociation and c-ptsd that would cause memory gaps that big, but also brainwashing! I didn’t know a lot of my trauma was even trauma until I left my situation 👍! Ofc the age changed going backwards! THATS HOW MEMORY AND TRAUMA WORKS ? The trauma itself and the age has not changed, I just keep getting strong enough to dig deeper and handle more.

And just to show you how stupid you are: I’ve been inactive on here for more than a year, randomly posting here and there (art only mind you!). During that year a had basically all my trauma come flooding out, physical issues make themselves known + my DID became solidly effective.

Before that I was still in my fucking abuse situation where I was struggling with physical health issues that overtook importance in my mind, denial (both from myself and from brainwashing), amnesia and dissociation, and ofc brainwashing to believe what I went through was good/out of love/beneficial/a saving grace. Etc!

So your statement is literally idiotic. I’m answering because it angered me, not because I require constant attention btw. If you plan on spinning it that way, I’m not gonna answer. You don’t understand my situation in the slightest because before age 20 I BARELY DID. Lmao??? I’ve had multiple instances of trauma, not a single trauma I’ve been changing up or “adjusting” to make it “worse”. Trauma started age 2, but I was neglected b4 that! From 2 I had other things occur but either blocked them off or was convinced by others that it was beneficial or whatever.

But sure stranger. You know better! You’ve obviously lived my life too, or watched me closely by living by my side like my bf or something

I hate it here

#the dumbass shit I gotta fkn deal with istg

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itzartsytime · 11 months

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i think it's time for me to do a blog/channel introduction and some information about me

so the TL;DR is at the end if you're wondering because this will be quite a wall of text

this blog is for 13+ since there's some swearing here and just a tiny bit of suggestiveness here n there. If minors are here, I suggest leaving (but if you still stick around under the age of 13, I'm not responsible for what you'll learn from me-)

so let's start with the basics in an introduction

My channel name is itzArtsyTime, i mostly prefer being called Artsy for short. I'm a minor and also Asian.

My hobbies are drawing and sometimes animating (im just struggling with motivation rn but i assure you that I'm still into Arts.)

my WATERMARK is pretty much the initials of the first and capital letters in my channel name

(i meant watermark, not signature.)

I'm not yet sure with my sexuality or orientation right now so sorry.

I sometimes struggle with constructing my sentences so that would explain some bad grammar.

Fandoms that appear frequently in this blog because i love it

• Rainbow Friends

• The Amazing Digital Circus (possibly)

And here are some extra fandoms that I'm into that might appear here from time to time (maybe)

• TF2

• Garten of banban

• doors

• Roblox

things that are safe in this blog

• LGBTQ people are always fine here

• self shippers is alright with me

• people who ship fictional characters is okay, just as long as it's legal and stuff, then you're all good

• People with mental disorders are safe as well

Now for some things that shouldn't interact with my blog

TWs for some mentioning some sensitive stuff here

• P3doph1l3s, 4bus1v3 people is pretty much self explanatory

• psychopathic people is pretty much also self explanatory

• those Twitter users, I'm sorry but i just don't want people being annoying and going through their way just to tell me that whatever I'm doing shouldn't keep going. Just let me do what i want to do because it makes me happy.

• Trollers, sorry but if you're just going to be here just to be a total fool, then leave or I'll just block you

• manipulative people.

• People anger issues. I know that you can't control it, but i can be pretty sensitive when it comes to things like people being mad at me

that's all in my introduction thanks for reading!

now for the TL;DR or the shortened intro :')

TL;DR

name: itzArtsyTime (uses @iat as a watermark)

- minor

- Asian

hobbies: Drawing, animating, and listening to music

Fanboms i draw/like

• Rainbow Friends

• The Amazing Digital Circus

• TF2

• Garten of Banban

• Minecraft

• Roblox

Things that are safe in this blog

• Jsab

• LGBTQ

• self shippers

• fictional character shippers (as long as its legal and okay)

• people with mental disorders (as long as it's understandable and it's not affecting anyone or me in a negative way)

things that aren't welcome here

• p3d0s/weirdos

• Twitter users that just want to cause problems

• people with uncontrollable anger issues

• pr0sh1pp3rs, z00ph1l3s

#art #channel introduction #blog introduction #introduction

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moldwood · 3 months

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would you mind sharing which courses youre getting? ive been wanting to get into modeling 3d environments for a while but never know where to start & theres sooo many options (a lot of which seem to overlap in a lot of ways) that i get real bad choice paralysis lmao. like i currently have five different courses on Basically The Same Thing in my cart bc i cant decide which one to get. just having some sort of "yeah i thought this one looked good" from someone else is such a huge help lmao.

(also do you by chance know if udemy does these kinds of sales often? ive never used it before so idk if this kind of opportunity will come up again or if i should just drop a bunch of money on these Right Now)

(also also if for some reason youd prefer i come off anon i can, im just shy lmao)

thank you!!

to answer your question out of order, i don't think they do sales like this often (but i can't say for sure). right now, many sites focused on this type of thing are celebrating blender's 10th birthday, so that is why i imagine the discount is so steep. on that note, blendermarket is giving away a free plugin a day (you can't claim previous drops, unfortunately), so keep an eye out for that this week too! (today's sucked tbh.) i would say yeah go ahead and get the courses you want now since i really doubt there will be an 80+% discount again. i think it expires today?? so for anyone else reading this who might be interested, it is worth looking through their courses now. there are more than just blender courses, so you can really take advantage of this sale.

this got long the rest can go under a cut. sorry for the wall of text 😭

ultimately, it depends on what your end goals are for the environments. are you learning to make them to block out 2d art backgrounds, for 3d stills, for animations, for games? photorealistic or stylized? will you be reusing the assets you make or going for unique scenes each time? there will be a few different branching paths when it comes to implementing what you've made at the end of the courses, so if you're wanting to just get one or two, go with the ones that most align with what you're trying to learn right now and with what you'd like to get out of it by the end. i prefer making textures and uv mapping to procedural textures, so my choices tended to focus more on those and compositing vs making them for usable environments.

now for the meat of the question, here are the environment + room focused ones i got. it's a lot, sorry, it was most of the purchase. i am not the best example mostly because i know i tend to fail with taking what i've learnt and applying it to my own work, so repetition helps with that :'] and because i am discovering i am really liking 3d art and wanting to delve into this aspect of it (maybe since it is so neglected in my 2d art LOL) - Blender Environment Artist: Create 3D Worlds - i've followed grant's tutorials before, so i trusted this one to get me comfortable with environments since i haven't many any yet. this is focused on modular building, though (but you can still apply the principles to a solid model) Blender 4: The Ultimate Environment Artist's Guide - whole buildings, bringing them together in a scene, props Stylized 3D Environments with Blender 4 Geometry Nodes - nodes... they elude me Blender 4 Modeling and Geometry Node Workshop - environment sculpting, nodes, **curved surfaces, which i struggle with Blender to Unreal Engine Become a Dungeon Prop Artist - props The Ultimate Environment Art Bundle - 4 Courses in 1 - interiors, exteriors, urban setting Create a Victorian Room with Blender and Substance Painter - this one was another one i had to get since there were not many that focused on interiors like this Blender to Unreal Engine 3D Plants and Vegetation - texture painting vegetation (as opposed to procedural generation for the textures) Learn to Make Stylized Environments in Blender & UE5 - modular buildings, bringing them together in a scene, props, lighting in UE5 as opposed to fighting cycles. also uses zbrush, which is free and which i am scared of. (i will probably swap that part of this tutorial out for sculpting in blender as best i can.) this is one i wanted to get but ultimately did not. but i will probably change my mind by lunch tomorrow lol: Creating 3D environments in Blender - realistic environments, water physics, photoscan models??

there is a lot of overlap, especially with how they mostly start from the very beginning assuming you haven't opened blender before, but they each do something different, either with particle systems or geometry nodes or focusing on interiors vs exteriors vs environments. i don't have substance painter (yet 🦴🏴‍☠️🦜), and i probably won't be putting the things i make in unreal engine with the intention of having them be walkable, but the modeling and rendering parts of the courses are very applicable still to what i want to learn. and who knows! maybe i fall in love with making areas you can move in.

there was one other course that i bought a bit ago on sale that is not on udemy or on sale anymore, but that i recommend checking out since it opens up a lot of possibilities, especially if you're wanting to avoid substance painter/adobe (though quixel mixer is an alright +free! alternative i have heard): Revitalize paintings in 3d with Blender. omar's work is easily the biggest reason i got into 3d modeling in the first place. flippednormals does have sales from time to time, so you can wait until one happens and buy it then if it interests you. check out omar's youtube (craftreaper iirc?) his pinned comment on the course video will have a discount when there is one

so yeah TLDR; if you have a bit of an idea of what you want to make in the future already and how you prefer to do it, focus on courses that teach those. if they cover the same thing, that's fine, practice helps with making sure you remember the techniques, especially since in classes sometimes you're just following along and not absorbing. at least i am guilty of that. you know your learning style and what you're wanting to achieve with 3d modeling best! if they're covering the exact same techniques, maybe try one or two that use a different method just to have that tool in your pocket. keep in mind how much time you are willing/able to take out of the day to sit down and follow the courses and how easily you are able to take what you learn and apply it to your own work. if you can do that sooner, you'll need less courses since you can just look up specific problems and questions as you encounter them.

TLDR TLDR; imo, i would say just buy all 5. maybe look to swap some out if they're all about the exact same thing. they're on sale for so cheap compared to the normal prices. worse comes to worst, you don't end up using it and you have put money in an artist's pocket. my friend is yelling at me for still being up goodnight

#asks #anonymous #i tried to be thorough so hopefully all that made sense. i know i tend to repeat myself a lot and i think i did that here too. but it is 😴🛌#honorable mentions of courses that did not go on sale + are not enviro +are not on udemy but that i will be saving up for in the far future #alive on p2design and gakutada's grease pencil course. what two beautiful pieces of scholarly work

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leninova1997 · 1 year

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Friend, I'm curious: do you also have writer's blocks? Or with organizing and planning, this is not a problem for you? I ask you because I'm just feeling kinda creative again after a whole month, and I don't know how to feel about it. How long does it last for you when (if) you have it?

Yes, i have had writers block numerous times. Sometimes its the result of long mental exhaustion, sometimes it just jump at you and dont let you go for a while. Its not the most predictable thing and its not always the easier to deal with especially if you have something to work on. The best solution is always to take a longer break (even a few weeks if its that severe) and get yourself into reading (one book, a bunch of novellas, anything that is complex, not written in a simple way however contains a lot of art and complex solutions through the words and storyline. So, mostly classics). Of course it is advised on its own to sometimes get away from writing to pretty much have your creativity and mind "resynthesize" the resources (often writers block, when you keep your mind away from it, this is what it brings out, so its not all that bad and stuff...at least from my experience), but reading (maybe a lot) can speed up the process of returning significantly. I still dont like it overall, however, it can easily lead you at the end to a much more fulfilling creation journey and allows you to unleash even more good stuff and happiness inside. So in most cases its 100% worth the struggle.

I have to tell you though, its pretty normal to have a wavering tendency in writing or in any kind of creation form. Any kind of attitude is possible since the focus is not always on art and the case is heavily influenced by things and problems in life, hormones, diet etc.. So overall you dont always feel like you can do it, very little or almost nothing comes to mind, then one day you wake up and you run to the keyboard to spend your whole day typing your ideas. Its again, sometimes unpredictable, reading can help it too, but not immediately. Thats why it is normal too to live like this. Can you imagine doing nothing but writing? Like 8-10 and even more hours a day? I know, it sounds fun at first, but when a block hits or you just run out of ideas (or the "connection thickens" with the art, its another problem that occurs when you overwork on something), you can easily fall into a shorter or longer regression period that brings creation to nowhere. It always depends on what you work on, how complex it is or/and how many thoughts you put into it. I know authors who almost never or rarely have these problems since they either do something else (not really reading, but the idea is not so bad after all, so if you feel like you are even more lost than should be, i recommend this method also for possible gaining) or what they create is so simple, even the editing is left out so in the end the mental exhaustion is less likely to hit them. But at the same time, i know writers who had the issues or even blocks for months and years! Well, its truly something.

In my case, blocks usually last a few days, maybe a week so during those i quickly move on to something (reading is obvious to at least keep up so the return in the end is much easier but the other hobbies help a lot too) or i just have my story "take a nap" in my head 😂😂. I remember the most serious lasted like 6 months, back in 2016-2017 when i was in high school (it was not long after i started writing in a "professional way"). It wasnt fun (its like running to a brick wall and again and again but it doesnt bother), however, it made me realize, prevention is much more important and on its own actually cheaply accomplishable even if you sometimes wish to overwork out of joy (im talking about doing writing longer than 10-12 hours), day after days.

So what i do usually?

As i said, having your artpiece sometimes sent out to relax is actually very useful. You leave it alone for a few days when you feel like, its good enough/almost finished and after that, with fresh thoughts, you return back to it. It not only reduces the change of the block, but allows you to see the writing in a different perspective. Its easier to spot mistakes, rewrite things that are not matching well, implement new ideas, etc. Thats why i like to say, writing is an art of patience where you can never let your focus go and at the same time, you have to have the ability to feel where things belong in your creation from place to time, though purpose. Oh boy, now i totally sound like somebody who lives by the zen 😂😂😂

Make a list, a list, a list, a list (okay not this many). Have your phone or/and a notebook around and write down immediately what pops in your mind (that is good enough in your opinion). If you even have the opportunity take your time and open up the thing: make points in connection with it, expand it as your imagination allows it, create another list within in it if necessary. This usually doesnt take that long in time, however, it initiates 2 things: its more likely to start writing from there and when you need ideas or the "spirit/essence" is lacking (it sadly happens), you can always read them out to have a little bit of aid (or a lot, because i think it works well). If you feel like you wanna be just as crazy as me (lol 😂😂), you can take your list and type it in. Its not only for preserving and having everything together but adds another opportunity to work on your ideas even more. These lists on their own can be very small or huge like in my case (26 pages long and pending, god dammit 😂😂). I highly recommend this method too when you dont really have the time to write, but would like to do some minimal work to "go somewhere". Its very inspiring too when you take a look at your list and see how many things are there to count on. This can make you start writing too, trust me

I hope i could help 😇

#writing #write #writers block #writing advice

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rosenallies · 1 year

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may i request #3 for the drag racer au im obsessed with them 🥰

This is kind of a follow up to this if you haven’t read it and would like to :)

Cw for mommy issues </3

3. “Please talk to me. I need to know that you’re alright.”

——

For years, Anetra pushed away any pain her mother had caused her. She avoided the thought of the woman who resembled her so much by getting high off the feeling of racing. At first, she enjoyed the feeling of raving because it felt as though if she drove fast enough, she could escape her mother entirely. But running from your problems, even in a state of the art racecar never worked the way you wished it would.

Years after the last time she saw her mother she found solace in something other than going fast, but in other people, Sasha and Marcia to be exact. They gave her everything she could ever ask for in a partner, they were loving and caring and cheered louder for her at her races than anyone else ever had. But even they couldn’t make her forget completely about her mother. The only hope she had was reconciling with the woman, and she thought maybe she was lucky when her mother reached out, only for it to turn into a mess within an hour.

She went home to Sasha and Marcia and fell into their arms until they calmed her, but the pain still crept it’s way back in the middle of the night when Sasha and Marcia were both asleep peacefully in bed beside her.

Feeling the same panic rising in her chest as before, she crept from the bed and into the en-suite bathroom, locking the door behind her before slicing down to the floor, knees tucked to her chest. She specifically remembers being in this same position in her childhood home, trying to block out her mother’s words about her being a failure and a disappointment. She breifly wishes she could go back in time and comfort young Anetra but how could she when present day Anetra couldn’t block out to sound of her mother’s voice saying things you could never expect a mother to say to her own children. Present day Anetra was just as frightened as young Anetra.

Anetra didn’t know how long she sat there, her bottom becoming numb on the tile floor when a knock sounded at the bathroom door, pulling her from her wallowing.

“Netra? Are you okay in there?” Marcia said, sounding worried.

“I’m fine,” she replied, “I’ll be out in a second.”

One thing Anetra never expected about Marcia when they first met was how perceptive they were. Just by the sound of her voice, Marcia could tell she wasn’t fine.

“You’re not fine. Please talk to me. I need to know you’re alright.”

Sighing, Anetra unlocked the door and let Marcia come in on their own.

“Oh Neech,” they cooed, dropping to their knees beside her, “what’s wrong?”

There was no use in lying, Anetra knew Marcia would be able to tell within a second. “I-it’s my mom again, I just,” she took a shaky breath, trying not to melt down again, “I just don’t understand why she’d reach out if she didn’t- if she wasn’t-“

“It’s okay, I understand what you mean, I don’t think it was fair of her. You deserve so much more than that.”

“I hate that it still affects me this much to this day. Will I ever be able to let it go, Marc? Will I ever be able to see a mother and daughter holding hands in public without wanting to scream? Will I ever be able to not see her in my dreams every night? Will I?”

Marcia sighed deeply, an ache in their chest. They grew up with a mother that loved and accepted them the way they were so they didn’t have the answer Anetra was looking for. Though, Sasha didn’t either and she related more to the struggles Anetra had with her family. “I don’t know, love, I really don’t. I wish I did, but you know what? I’m here for you through it all and I know Sasha is too. We’re both here through every feeling, every up and down and everything else in between.”

They laced their fingers with Anetra’s, stroking over the back of her hand with their thumb. “You can’t get rid of us at this point.”

Anetra giggled, hiding her red cheeks in Marcia’s shoulder. “Thank you, Marcia. I love you.”

Marcia kissed her forehead, lips lingering. “I love you too.”

#drag racer au #prompt request

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spikeinthepunch · 1 year

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i dont intend to say this like im putting myself down but when im burnt out or in an extended art block i do often look to what i have done in the past- maybe as a "was i doing something back then that i miss doing now?"

my art has shifted a lot over the years. im sure anyone whos followed for a long time would say so. ive gone through phases and styles and vibes of many kinds and theyre all very different. and theyre all times that sometimes i look back and think "maybe i should do that again". of course i need to avoid getting overwhelmed with the "i want to do this- no this- maybe that-".

But the hardest "change" in my art was probably a year ago when all that stuff happened with wcrp. which i wont reiterate- but it was forced. that was the big thing. and i think its whats hurt now that i have this burn out settling and i am looking at old art. I did hit a burn out last year after wcrp when i quickly dove into other fandoms like half life- i did what i often did, where i overexerted myself from hype and quickly burned out. but then i picked up mcyt which has been going strong for a year after leaving it for many years back.

when i look at whats changed about my art from then to now, i notice one big things, which i felt was obvious (and i deliberately did this)- i was going into that fandom simple. first it was a lot of lineart, no color. then i started adding some one flat color to bodies and sometimes minor effects done with the help of gradient maps. then i started using thicker brushes where i could, knocking out the need for clean details. then i started using the binary pen. i had a few detailed drawings in between but really so much of what i have done has been so simple.

and as i said, i did this on purpose. i got into this right after half life and i knew i was burnt out but i really wanted to draw anyways, so my plan was to do it like that! i wasnt very good with humans either so i didnt want to focus too hard on it anyways. and i certainly have liked this method. i enjoyed finding a way to draw that IS simple and doesnt put a lot of strain on me... it helps me no longer be a perfectionist as much as i used to

but at the same time its taken away some aspects that i liked about my art from 2020-early 2022. which was that i was so much more detailed than ever. my warriors art was very detailed, the designs were intricate, i drew a number of scenes just for the rps i loved, etc. i experimented quite a bit with coloring and shading and i still love a number of looks i tried, and i keep wanting that back. (ex 1, ex 2, ex 3)

interestingly i actually started to simplify that style too, esp as i got deeper into my own rp, and i know full well it was because i was also getting tired. used a lasso tool for markings, used less layers, dropped the texture and using a thin pen brush to make sketchier lines. (from this -> to this)

THE problem with these notes about simplifying stuff is that like. i rush things. i rush them SO much. and this has always been my biggest struggle, and what leads to annoyance with my current art and also to burn out. Burn out, caused by how much i am drawing, because im fast. drawing fast because i want to make content for the fandom i am focused on. art block because im not happy with my art, but im also too impatient to slow down and take my time and REALLY remember and realize what it is i want out of my art!

its a never ending cycle and sorry we're at the end of the post because i dont have a solution lol

#another short not short post

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oniononi2000 · 1 month

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first day back into art studies

i am very nervouxcited today!!! i could just SCREAM!

today is my first foray back into really committing myself to my art studies again. i took break from them because I became extremely overwhelmed with college and knew that I could not mentally focus on both. however, it has been 2 weeks since i have graduated and I feel thoroughly refreshed and ready!!

studying can be really hard for me cause i find myself wanting to design the most min-maxed ultimate schedule ever but that is just SO not realistic for me. for starters, it takes me a while to start tasks and it is really hard to stay on task, the old study schedules i would make were super idealistic and unrealistic. like 8-12 hours of studying a day level unrealistic(you don't even really pick up info as deeply after like 4 anyways so..literally wasting time so less efficient when you think about it?) not to mention since i'd schedule myself completely full, for weeks out in advance, i would inevitably not live up to these schedules and have to shift my whole schedule(also weeks out in advance) + feeling demotivated constantly having to re-arrange my schedule.

after A LOT of trial and error i have found myself able to chew through work slightly better by scheduling lots of varied things for smaller increments of time. i also set a limit so i dont spend all day trying to study(emphasis on trying, because i definitely won't ACTUALLY do that. just flip flop between studying and worrying about not studying) n e ways. i still find myself easily getting distracted and also spending a lot of time just choosing where to start, so i have been trying pomodoro timers to see if that helps. so far it has been helpful but i have only used it for a few days currently. something about the small small dedicated blocks of working helps me refocus(which helps prevent me from spending 5ever picking what to start).

so yea, i have made a weekly study guide that just goes over general things for the week, like things i'd like to practice each day and then a few projects. it's about a year long atm, i will update it with future studies when i get there lololol i use this week by week guide to help me with my daily calendar. which is just awesome for me, the less on the spot decision making i have to do the better. another thing i found that would make it hard for me to study consistently is trying to plan my studies out for the day just as i went along. i tried that after the 8+ hour study regimen (basically swinging too hard the other way) and found myself stuck in decision paralysis day after day. so i am now doing a slightly planned but much more flexible schedule now?? and so far it has been great. just again, struggle with staying focused. but that is what the pomodoro timer is for(and like i said so far so good)

i have a lot of high hopes, because even with my crazy studying journey and total inconsistency, i STILL SAW tons of personal progress and development. so i know once i get back into it and stick with it i will see the gainz again and since i dont have to worry about college i have way more free time now!!

i might post some of my old study work + new study work, but no guarantee, it highkey depends on how im feeling!! i dont want posting to become the focus of these studies either, i worry ill become perfectionist in my studies

so yeah!! the agenda today is some simple volume drawings + simplify from observation project with a sprinkle of blender donut tutorial study work later. being week 1 of this new study-venture i am keeping it easy and building up to more intense studies + exercises

i'm done rambling for now, i am looking forward to taking this step forward on my journey!!!

#blog #vtuber #illustrator #artist #blender #study

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melissasnax · 2 years

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finding my inner child (trying too...)

based on the following piece...im trying to find my inner child

From this piece..

"you get good grades in science? great, be a doctor. you're good at math? you should really look at finance. you're good at both? engineering is for you"

See...the thing is i never thought i was actually good at anything. not in high school and definitely not in middle school. In fact, I'd say I was probably trying to be good at all of the things i didn't like to please people. to please my teachers, my peers, my parents. lol I was trying to be good at math when i actually hated math. but also..when i say i hate math i mean i didn't like homework. I couldn't resonate with numbers and math in general. But that doesn't mean I didn't try to be good at it and learn the material. But it was definitely not my favorite subject.

Because I was never told I was good at either of these i never felt strongly tied to anything, especially a career. My interests had always been all over the place as i grew up. As a kid, I loved legos, building blocks, arts and crafts. I loved drawing, scribbling on walls (and the carpet in the apartment my family used to live in). I also loved writing-- even if I was struggling with learning English i remember scribbling letters all over an A4 paper i found at my teachers's desk. I even remember taking art classes as a kid and painting after school.

When I think back to high school, I remember dreading most out of it. I didn't like math, I actually really liked biology, but I was awful at chemistry and physics wasn't my forte. Yeah, the sciences weren't my strong suit. I really liked art though. I loved ceramics, drawing with charcoal..but my parents didn't see a career for that so I was encouraged to go after something to be financially stable. My only class I actually liked was psychology though. I loved those classes. I really liked learning about the brain, the science of how the brain works, behavior, past psych studies, why people think the way they do, how our childhood shapes much of our later life...but i didn't know what i was supposed to do with psychology. like i loved learning about it but i didn't know if i wanted to be a psychologist...? that was the only path i could see back then. And even then, i wasn't sure since I got a fckin 2 on the psych AP test.

Somehow in college, i ended up studying communication. To be honest, I thought about pursuing journalism. I wanted to write about people, learn about their life, who they were, their careers and yeah i guess if i could get paid for it then that was nice too. Fast forward through college..I ended up studying communication but being interested in ux research because i was curious about people. I guess even today still I'm always curious about people and their behavior. Specifically about people and their identities, how their identities and personalities are shaped by the mediums and things they consume, youtuber culture and what brings people to be so vulnerable on the internet and social mediums. But I also loved education and the innovations that happen in the space. specifically how children learn, how our education systems should encourage kids to lean into their curiosities, how education and classroom tools should be more collaborative and exploratory.

So yeah, i guess my interest is education!! But the reason I want to work in it is honestly out of spite for the education system instilled in me lol. What, you expected me to say that I LOVED SCHOOL?? I LOVED CURRICULUM?? Well, to be fair, I didn't hate school. I really like it actually. I liked learning, I just hated grades and because I didn't always get good grades it made me feel like I wasn't good at much of anything. But I do love learning about things even if I'm not good at them. I work in education because I don't want kids to feel like they're not meant for a career because their grades in subjects related to those careers aren't considered "good". I work in education because I want teachers to encourage their students to be curious and always aspire to learn more about the world around them. And I want kids to learn that there are so many careers to explore beyond middle and high school. And finally, i work in education because i want teachers to be more creative in the classroom and teach students to embrace failure. Because if anything, I think i've learned the most from moments and experiences where I've felt like I've "failed".

But also..i love thinking about identity!!! how identity is so malleable and fluid, how susceptible it is to external forces and our environment and people in our life. But also how social mediums and influencers affect our identities too.

Yeah i think those are my two main interests: education and identity. except i'd say my interest in identity is a hobby-- something i like to read about, talk to people about (not work related). I don't know what to do with it because it's something i like to learn about!

#writing

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anyotherwriter · 3 years

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First of all im so happy for this news ;w;

My request is:

Daryl was always giving mean answers to readers daily questions. He was thinking that she was needlessly happy and positive even in the worst moment. She was just trying to make conversation with him and believed there was still good in life. One day when reader gets hurt Daryl tries to help and this time reader is surprised and asks if he cared about her. Daryl loved her but just couldn't get used to the idea that he loved her.

Soo something like this. Sorry if i couldnt write it well english is not my mother tongue 😗✌🏻

Masterlist / buy me a coffee? / art insta

HIIIIIII !!

I've never had writer's block hit me so fast before so MY BAD, apologies for taking so long. I hope what I'm providing you with now will suffice because I really struggled with it.

Anyway. Thank you so much for your request!

Okay, love you, bye.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\/////////////////

Daryl always found himself in a limbo. On one hand, he’d be getting frustrated at you because you just asked so many questions, pointless ones, questions about nothing important. You’d asked him what his favorite color was (to which he never answered), what food he misses the most, how he used to take his coffee, and on, and on, and on. He always worried that your chatter would scare away the game and they’d return back to the prison empty-handed, even if you were always quick to quiet when he asked.

On the other hand, your voice kept him company during the hot days when he just wanted to plop down beside a tree and take a quick nap. The sound of your footsteps beside him calmed him more than when he was alone, knowing that he had someone that had his back completely, the way he had yours. He also couldn't deny the way his chest tightened whenever you'd look at him and smile.

His mind was a mess, but only when it came to you.

The two of you had wandered out for food early this morning when the sky was still a watercolor of pinks, oranges and dark blues. Checking traps he'd set days before finally had success, and a rabbit hung limp from a strap across your chest where you offered to carry it. You would try relentlessly to get him to speak to you, to say anything. Normally Daryl was trapped in his own head, caught up in thoughts of impending doom, needing to take care of everyone but himself, and survival. You wanted to remind him that he was human, too.

"Do you ever miss going to the movies?" You asked him, breaking the still of air as the two of you broke through the tree line and headed towards a home you didn't recognize. Daryl was now a couple steps ahead of you, his crossbow gripped tightly in his hands, lifted halfway. He was always ready for a fight, always tense.

"Nah." Daryl replied easily, his voice sounding annoyed as usual as he scanned the area around the front door. You only nodded your head, disappointed.

"What do you miss, Daryl?" You asked him just before you got knocked to the ground. You landed on your arm awkwardly, head hitting an exposed tree branch, and the familiar growling of hunger was clawing at you in your vulnerability. The smell of rotting flesh clouded your senses as you fought to push off the walker, and not being able to reach your knife made those few seconds some of the longest you'd ever experienced. A bolt finally stilled the decaying body, and the weight was quickly lifted from you.

"Y'alrigh'?" He said quickly, letting the body thud harshly to the ground and then began to fuss over you. He moved his hands roughly over your arms and legs and you couldn't help but smirk. He was concerned about you, something you didn't think was possible.

"Hey," he said a bit quieter, his hand reaching behind your neck as he helped you sit up slowly. "We gotta go." He said trying to be careful with you, but a few more walkers broke from the treeline making a beeline for the two of you. As much as Daryl wanted to poke and prod and fix you, he couldn't do that if you were both dead.

You nodded your head as you stood, your vision going fuzzy with black and white speckles, reminding you of the snow of TV screens. Daryl let you throw your arm over his shoulder, his arm under yours, and he all but pulled you into the woods. He wanted to go slow, especially when your feet stumbled at the speed his went, but he could still hear the lazy shuffling of dead feet, and groans echoing through the trees. Being rough with you now, holding you too tightly to get you somewhere safe, could be forgiven later.

"We're almos' there." He said harshly, the extra weight you'd started to shift into him taking a toll on his legs. He knew that you both still had a ways to go before safety was promised. Sweat broke out across his brow and he was getting tired fast. He could feel your body getting heavier, your feet stumbling more, your grip on him getting stronger. Daryl decided to squat down, scoop a hand behind your knees and lift you up.

And then you were out.

The familiar smell of faint mold registered first. The room was settled in darkness, small flickers of orange and yellow from the common area reminding you of where you were; in your bed, wrapped in an extra blanket that wasn't yours.

When you tried to sit up, your head was riddled with a splitting headache. You clutched at the hair at the back of your head, hoping you could just tear out the offending pain.

"Ah," you heard as an off-kilter shuffling of feet came into the room, "you're awake." Hershel set down a small candle and grabbed a few pills he'd left bedside for you previously and held them out to you now.

"You remember what happened?" He asked as he sat down in the chair across from the bed and stretched out his leg. He looked at you with concern as you focused your sights on him. You only nodded. "Good. Now let me get a look at ya."

Hershel's exam was supposed to be quick, but his directives fell on deaf ears as you moaned and groaned about being tired, avoided the dying flashlight he tried to shine in your eyes, and gripped the edge of the flat mattress a little too hard to make the motion sickness stop. You barely registered Hershel’s mumbles about a concussion as you remembered the ugly orange color of the front door of the house you hadn't made it into, and the smell of a rainstorm coming in, but most of all, you remembered Daryl.

"Is he okay?" You croaked out, recalling the way his arms trembled around you as he tried to keep going. Hershel stood and looked down at you.

"Daryl's just fine." He said, his voice calming any concern that you may have put Daryl in harm's way. "He's been worried about you. Lingering and pacing, but that's all. But I'm sure he'll deny it." He said with finality as he stepped out of your cell and pulled the curtain across.

You wanted to get up, to walk around and stretch your knees that felt unusually sore; you also wanted to eat. You weren't sure how long you were out, but the one thing you were sure of is that you were craving a hefty bowl of underwhelming, flavorless rabbit stew. When you went to stand, a wave of nausea rose up your throat and forced you back down, head in hands.

"Hey." You heard Daryl from the doorway. Peeking between your fingers, you saw him standing there, back stiff, with a bowl in his hands. Like he could read your mind, even if you were positive that Hershel directed him to bring it. You gave him a small smile as you sat up straight to look at him.

He looked as if he just finished a week-long bender of no sleep, his hair an extra bit tangled on one side from where he kept grabbing at it mindlessly to relieve his anxiety. His feet were tired from pacing, up tower steps, across the field, through the hallways pretending to do work when he just wanted to come into your cell to check on you every three minutes. He hadn't given much merit to his attachment to you, how often he purposefully put himself near you, the number of times he'd look over his shoulder in reassurance that you were right there with him, until Hershel requested for everyone to 'let you rest' and to not disturb you as you recovered.

The moment Hershel came down and let everyone know you were awake and doing just fine, a tremendous weight lifted off his shoulders. Daryl became conscious of what you would remember of him, and not just of this accident. He worried about how you thought about him in the privacy of your cell, or when you'd be down tending to the garden with Carl, or when you'd be directly beside him and he wouldn't say so much as one word. He imagined it all bad, because he hadn't given you a reason for anything more before.

"Look," you started as he made a step forward to put down the food across from you. "I'm sorry. I should've paid more attention."

Daryl's brow furrowed as he continued to stand there and stare. He couldn't think of any reason for you to be sorry. He hadn't heard the walker either, he wasn't watching your back the way he should've been. It took a few hours for the rest of the group to reassure him that it was an accident, it wasn't his fault, or yours.

"Don' be." His head shook and his shaggy hair started falling into his eyes. "Shit happens. I'm jus' glad yer alrigh'."

He noticed your face looked different, and maybe it was just the glow of the candle casting wrong shadows, but you looked defeated. It was something he hadn't seen from you before. He'd seen the anger, and sadness, and the exhaustion, but your eyes looking up at him like you had broken was all new entirely.

"I don' miss nothin' from before." He said suddenly. He hadn't intended to say it, it was just the beginning of a thought, a terrifying thought, and a very personal one, too. But with your happy-go-lucky mask stripped from your face, and your hand massaging the back of your head, he hoped that maybe answering one of your unanswered questions would help in some way.

It took you a moment to understand what he meant, to remember the last question you asked him before you were sure it was your time to die. It was the first question he decided to answer in months.

You couldn't help but laugh a little when you realized that the answer you got was so uninspired, so boring. Daryl felt a small flare of resistance in his chest.

"Wha's funny?"

"Nothing." You said with a small voice as you finally took a bite of stew. Like you expected, it wasn't much of anything, but it still managed to quell the growling in your stomach. Daryl still stood, now in the doorway, and you weren't sure why. He looked a bit flustered and had the familiar glint in his eyes he'd usually get before an argument.

"I ain't like you." He started. "I didn't have anythin' growing up but a hard time. Don't see why that's funny."

"It's not, Daryl." You shook your head lightly, averting your eyes from his. "I just… of all the things I've asked you, that's what I finally get from you?"

"Wha' do ya want from me?" He asked with a voice much louder than before. "A play-by-play of my life before and after everything went to shit? 'Cause it's been abou' the same, except now I get more sleep!"

"Daryl-"

"No!" You don' get ta ask me questions and then not like th'answers!" He yelled and then everything went silent, even the small sounds of movement from down below where you knew everyone was sitting. Daryl's demeanor was defensive, with one foot in the door and the other in the hallway, like he was about to run from the room. You couldn't understand why he was mad or what had changed in the last minute.

"I don't mean anything by it, Daryl." You said gently as you put your bowl down, food unfinished. "I just like to remember sometimes that life didn't always revolve around surviving. Remembering the things that made me happy are what keep me going. I ask about everyone and hope the memories do the same for them too."

"Yer not happy now?"

"No!" It was your turn to yell, wondering how anyone now could possibly say yes. Your head pounded at the outburst and you squeezed your eyes shut. "How the fuck am I supposed to be happy in this, Daryl? Is anyone here happy? Are you?"

Daryl bit at the skin of his thumb as he thought. He knew the positivity you carried with you was a shield, one to keep you from breaking, but a lot of times he ended up believing it. The group could have run out of food, and water, and lost a few people along the way, but you never failed to try and pick up the pieces. You seemed happy, he never thought it was something you did for everyone else.

He knew the answer to this question should be no. But what he had now- the family, a place that felt like home, the skill set to survive….you- did make him feel happy. And he nodded his head, thinking of all the things he had now in comparison to before.

"How hard did I hit my head?" You groaned, dropping your head back into your hands. You couldn't wrap your head around him telling you he was happy- of all people, with his grumbled, tight answers, being quick to jump for a fight, and closed off to everyone. It had to be a hallucination.

"Hard." He said, much closer this time. "And ya scared tha'shit outta me."

"I don't have a concussion." You said with finality. "I'm dead, aren't I? I have to be! Because only in hell would Daryl Dixon be concerned about me."

"Look at me."

He was much closer than you thought. He was kneeling down on the hard floor, his right hand on the bed beside you. He had a faint smudge on his cheek and his lips were cracked. The last time you were this close to him was when you were crammed into a crowded storage shed as a crowd of walkers took their time passing, except this time the smell of death didn't fill the air. You felt a chill crawl down your spine when you met his eyes.

"I don' miss shit from before. I didn' know that bein' happy was somethin' I'd ever feel. But now… I got'a family, I got'a roof over my head, food. And you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you." He shook his head as his neck flushed. "Tha'only thing I've ever missed in this world was you. B'fore I even knew ya, it felt like I was missin' somethin'. I had to wait for the world ta die ta realize I was missin' you. When I'm outside the walls and you aren't there with me, I miss ya. When ya come in here to sleep at'nigh', I miss ya. When I see ya on the other side of the damn field, I miss ya. And when I brought ya back here… I thought ya'weren't gonna wake up. I missed ya'tha most, then."

"Daryl-"

"I don' wanna spend the rest of m'life missin' ya. I haven' had enough time with ya, and I was worried it was already over."

A delicate silence settled between the two of you, then. Daryl's eyes downcast at a small tear in his jeans but you couldn't pull your eyes away from him. Everything he said felt like the words of a fever dream, something you swore you've heard before, maybe when you were on the cusp of a heat stroke back on the road and hoping to die gently.

Another laugh, albeit small, bubbled out of you. It had Daryl snapping his head up to look at you, his chest feeling like it was caving in in embarrassment. He let himself be vulnerable and you were laughing. He tried to stand quickly but you took hold of his wrist and wouldn't let go.

"Stop." You pleaded. "I'm sorry, I…you just…you missed me?"

Daryl could only stand there, held in place by your tightening fingers as he stared at the floor. He heard small movements from down below again, and then the sound of the outside door shutting. He hoped desperately that they had all stepped outside, leaving him to be shut down in privacy, so he could feel his shame in solitude.

"I thought you hated me."

And Daryl nearly crumpled down, his knees hitting the concrete hard just before the bed, body resting between your knees. He freed his wrist from your hold and placed both on the back of your neck gently, fingers tangling into hair and then together. His eyes were almost too much to look into.

"No…no, I…" Daryl stuttered before snapping his mouth shut, his teeth making a comical clack. He couldn't tell you he loved you, not now. Because you were hurt and vulnerable and he only just realized this yesterday. And right now, it wasn’t the right time. It was daunting, and he had everything to lose.

"The opposite?" You whispered, hoping to calm his frantic eyes. And he shook his head, a small motion you almost missed, but you saw it. The opposite. And Daryl could settle with you knowing right now that he opposite-of-hates you. It would hold him over until he felt brave enough to tell you more confidently, and hopefully give him time to convince you that loving him back wouldn't be such a bad thing.

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