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#im the best. in my career. not on the internet (anymore)
sciderman · 4 months
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As another blog who accidentally got following for funny jokes and content creator by god you summarized how creating content feels on Tumblr nowadays. Like,
No one interacts but at the same time they'll complain that there's no updates, they'll complain that you disappeared but even if you post something no one interacts with. They treat as if people who post things about fandom are just there to be some kind of machine will post something to make them laugh and then reblog in silence.
There's no feedback, there's no community, and it feels weird like some kind of big brother. Where you spend your time and energy making something and then people throw you a like and you're just like blind??? 'Do they still like it?' 'am I doing it wrong?' 'did I lose the flow?' But nope. It seems like every person who makes something in this plataforma feels a different variation of that. And feels so weird talking about it as if you're 'seeking attention' and being too 'hungry' about it. But what are we supposed to do...? Just put our heart and souls by a grand majority that won't take a second to say something and just like and maybe reblog as if you're some advertisement?
Feels weird. I am sorry you feel like that too Sci, your ask-blog is great and you spent a lot of energy co-creating with people and using your creativity. I don't blame you for feeling demotivated. That's a weird era to be in where people don't know how to differentiate that there's someone behind a blog and nor a major corporation that will put something they're interacting or not. Very weird.
it's so very universal, i've seen it all the places, everywhere. i know it's not just a me thing... it's kind of honestly just the way the world operates now. running the blog really did used to give me such an excited feeling to be building this story with other people who were invested and everyone had a hand in pushing wade and peter into all kinds of directions and it was so, so gratifying. and when i left i was still craving that interaction - i wanted to create an interactive instagram account, but i kind of figured it wouldn't work, because the platform just isn't good for it.
something that's largely been absent from my life is community, y'know. it's so difficult to find it, in the city. and i kind of found it through the blog. but online communities feel like something that's dying too. nobody wants to be communal. i've had so many interactions where people are taken aback that i'm just some dumb, tired little human. i'm a tired human who made spider-man comics because it got me friends on the internet. i don't make money doing this. i do it for friends. i... sighs. i miss so many people that used to be around but they're not here anymore. i miss how it used to feel. i don't think i can get it back. i don't know where i can look now, but i don't think i'm going to find whatever i'm looking for here. i guess it's like - i know i have to leave the city because the city makes me feel small and lonely. and maybe i have to leave the internet too. it makes me feel small and lonely.
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harrysgal · 4 months
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I DIG YOUR CINEMA (2)
harry styles x yn aspiring filmmaker — social media AU
I know I’m just starting and don’t actually have much experience with this, but I’m actually having a lot of fun doing it and already can’t wait to post more.
About the smau: yn starts posting videos on youtube and is trying to build a career as a filmmaker. Things are going pretty well for her and she starts getting more attention when she creates content about shows she goes to. She’s also a fan of Harry’s music and some of his fans start getting suspicious when his team starts interacting with her.
Disclaimer: The story it’s set in 2021 and it will follow their relationship through the LOT leg in the US. Since this is nothing but fiction, I will be following some of the real timeline but also adding my own stuff. On top of that, I won’t be basing myself on Harry’s actual posts.
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PART 1 — MEET YN / MASTERLIST
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I DIG YOUR CINEMA (PART 2) — LAS VEGAS
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liked by bestfriend, yourmom, mollyjane_x and 22,108 others 
yourinstagram HELLOOOOOOO FABULOUS LAS VEGAS NEVADA 
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user1 soooo… a new full time job that took you to las vegas? 👀 yourbrother Please behave  bestfriend don’t get (too) drunk without me pls harryfan STOP FIRST LOT SHOW IT’S IN VEGAS 
↳ harryfan2 She’s going to the show right???? I mean it can’t be just a coincidence anymore IT JUST CAN’T ↳ harryfan NO I KNOW THIS IS IT I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES
Aug 26, 2021 •
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liked by bestfriend, cuteguy, mollyjane_x and 22,451 others 
yourinstagram you’d think a lady in vegas would be out there getting wild but this one actually has been locked in her hotel room for the last 27 hours overthinking her ideas and freaking out about this new job lol if any of you could send me a pizza or something id appreciate it. thanks. 
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user1 nooooo you’re so talented whatever it is i know you can do it!! bestfriend yn ✋🏻  cuteguy Should I give you a call? 😊 harryfan17 I would too be freaking out if I had to work for THE harry styles lol
↳ harryfan16 we still don’t know if she is tho  ↳ harryfan17 C’mon she’s in vegas and molly and jeff are following her ↳ harryfan16 still 🤷🏻‍♀️ tour doesn’t start for another few days so this could be just about something else  ↳ harryfan16 also maybe she’s there because she wants to be and not bc she’s “working” for him. she’s done videos about several artists and she isn’t working for any of them is she?  ↳ harryfan17 Well yes but she literally just said she was starting a new job so 🤷‍♀️ ↳ harryfan16 so everyone just assumed HARRY, out of all people, hired her? c’mon guys lol she could be working for just anyone and STILL go to a show. one doesn’t have to be related to the other.
Aug 28, 2021 •
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liked by anthonypham, bestfriend, lookitsnyoh and 25,103 others 
yourinstagram fun fact: if you post something on the internet people around you might see it 🫠
guess im lucky this lovely group who still don’t know me at all cared enough to drag me out of my room and show me around the city. sometimes i get so caught up inside my mind that i forget how important human connection is — which is funny if you think most of my videos are exactly about that lol. so plssssss make sure to surround yourself with (nice) people. also get some sleep, drink water and feed yourself. it’ll do wonderful things for you!!!
anyway my mom was worried about my “not leaving the room post” so this is just me saying everythings good!! (i also already called her of course <3)
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bestfriend LOVE YOU harryfan the new followers the new likes 😭 it’s happening i knew it  user1 so true bestie!! this reminded me of your 2nd video i think
↳ yourinstagram omg yesssss!!  ↳ user1 ahh i missed your interactions <3  ↳ yourinstagram i knowww! promise i’ll try my best to keep interacting even if it’s not as much as before 💗
lookitsnyoh my belly still hurts from all the laughing 
↳ yourinstagram and my mind is still rushing from all the talking ↳ anthonypham go to sleep you two 
harryfan9 I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING BUT OMFG I’M SO HERE FOR IT
Aug 29, 2021 •
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liked by anthonypham, mollyjane_x, bestfriend and 27,257 others 
yourinstagram sightseeing left me speechless. but here’s a picture from tonight. 
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user1 omg you’re feeding us this week! i’m so happy you’re being active again <3 harryfan78 POST A PICTURE OF YOURSELF I WANT TO MEET YOU AT THE SHOW BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE 
↳ user4 calm down pls? we like to behave as respectful human beings on this profile
bestfriend ❤️❤️❤️ bestfriend i’m losing my mind but i’m also so excited and proud! user7 I miss your videos :( lookitsnyoh when was this? where was I? bummed that I missed it!
↳ yourinstagram sorryyy just a last minute decision after dinner :( ↳ lookitsnyoh ohhhh makes sense now! Glad it left you speechless ↳ yourinstagram i mean the city is beautiful  ↳ lookitsnyoh sure thing it is 👽
Sep 1, 2021 •
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liked by harryfan, harryfan2 and 15,157 others 
fanwhometharry GUYS I JUST MET HARRY I’M SHAKKNG I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE NOW 
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harryfan64 omg where did you meet him??
↳ fanwhometharry AT THE BELLAGIO  ↳ harryfan64 is he staying there???  ↳ fanwhometharry NO!! I MEAN IDK?? I DONT RHINK SO I JUST MET HIM OUTSIDE AT THE FOUNTAINS  ↳ harryfan74 hmm not tryin to be rude or something but that sounds like a weird place for him to be tbh ↳ fanwhometharry I FUCKKNG KNOW THAT?? I MEAN MY PARENTS WANTED TO SEE THE WATER SHOW SO I TAGGED ALONG BUT NEVER EVER THOUGHT ID BUMP INTO HIM THERE
harryfan62 you’re so lucky!! was he alone???
↳ imetharry I DONT KNOW?? I DONT REMEMBER I WAS SO NERVOUS  ↳ imetharry I KNOW THERE WAS A GIRL NEARBY BC SHE HANDED HIM A PEN WHEN I COULDNT FIND MINE BUT I DONT KNOW IF SHE WAS WITH HJIM OR NOT ↳ harryfan62 who was this girl? Anyone from the LOT crew? ↳ imetharry IDK I JUST SAID I DONT EVEN KNOW IF SHE WAS WITH HIM OR NOT 😭
harryfan15 Hi hun! Don’t listen to people, they're just jealous. It was really sweet of him to sign that for you! Hope you have a great time at the show 💕
↳ imetharry THANK YOU 😭😭 HE WAS THERE JUST WATCHING LIKE A NORMAL PERSON SO I DIDN’T WANT TO TAKE A PIC IF PEOPLE DON’T BELIEVE ME THEN I DON’T CARE I KNOW IT’S REAL 😭😭
Sep 1, 2021 •
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liked by gemmastyles, anthonypham, jefezoff and 35,109 others 
yourinstagram having to keep this secret from the world was the most cruelest thing that anyone has ever done to me. but whatever… it’s fine… i’m okay… i’m just gonna pretend this wasn’t a big deal and i didn’t just watch one of my favorite artists perform my favorite songs… and then i’ll just casually say: pls stay tuned for next wednesday when my new video will be up 😇
(i’ll be back and share more details once my serotonin levels have normalized again)
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bestfriend i love you so much thank you for representing us so well  harryfan I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT OMFG I CANT WAIT I KNEW IT harryfan2 YN KASDHUHHD PLS OMFG YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THIS AND LEAVE user1 😲 i can’t wait for this one! harrystyles soz 
↳ harryfan OMFG HARRY ↳ harryfan5 ?????????????????????????? ↳ harryfan3 AUIDHIAUSHDBAJH WTF ↳ harryfan9 ARE YOU F KIDDING ME WHATS HE DOING HERE
cuteguy Nice! Glad you’re having a good time darling. 
Sep 4, 2021 •
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PART 3: DENVER
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If you happen to read and enjoy this, pls let me know? 🙏 thanks!! it would be nice to know if this is working, or what else would people would like to see.
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cyncerity · 6 months
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HAPPY 3 YEARS TO THIS BLOG!! 🎉💕🫶
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i’m so happy i’ve been a part of this little community for as long as i have. everyone is super nice and inspiring and unbelievably talented, and im so glad to be posting content with people like y’all.
it’s absurd to think i’ve been doing this for 3 years and that i almost have 800 people here seeing it, but the love and support i’ve received over these years has been incredible. given that this is such a small community and i’ve either spoken with most of you or have at the very least interacted with your content, i feel confident in saying that every single person here is incredible in their own right and truly are the reason i stay here. you guys are genuinely the best, even if i forget to answer your asks or sometimes leave you on read for a while (i do that with everyone i’m so sorry) i mean it when i say that i do consider a good portion of you my friends. even if it’s been a while since we messaged or talked, you’re all awesome. and if i don’t know you personally, please feel free to message me! i love making friends, especially in a community like this that has time and time again proven to have some of the genuinely nicest people on the internet <3
i love writing and drawing and i’m not leaving here for a long while yet. the asks i’ve received saying that i inspired people to write, draw, or post are some of the nicest things i’ve ever received, and i truly mean it from the bottom of my heart when i say that those have changed my life. the self confidence and love for my craft that i’ve gained from being here is immeasurable, and that’s thanks to all of you, whether you’ve been here for years or are new to this blog.
given that this is an anniversary thing, i wanna thank @bittydragon, @baka-monarch, @wendy130, @darkeninganon, and @awesome-slime-lover for introducing me to this community. i was stalking their blogs on google far before i had an account here, and i only made an account so i could send them fanart, so you have them to thank for dragging me here lmao
i also wanna tag @plant-gt-thought-box, @kayla-crazy-stuffs, @blurrybunnie, @apersonstories, @funtimemoth, @mysticalblue09, @corysmiles, @pixy-stix-art, + some others who are not on tumblr anymore for being friends with me and actually being some of the kindest and funniest motherfuckers. Ik i haven’t spoken to some of you in forever, and i hope this isn’t coming off as parasocial, but you guys are awesome and i wish you nothing but the best (and if you wanna message more or get on vc again some time please lmk cause i am a social wuss)
and if i’m gonna list people i might as well tag the people who even if i don’t know as well, are all super talented and leave me marveling at everything they post on here (whether or not you post mcyt g/t anymore, you’re all still incredible creators who make me want to improve my own work): @eyes-eye-eyes (my /p wife <3), @wren-writes68, @jkknight98, @arc852, @brick-a-doodle-do, @oh-i-need-a-name, @quotemenevervore, @melissa-s23, @i-am-beckyu, @random-tinies, @archaxwii, @itty-bitty-rainbow, @goosedawn, @beansthough, @make-a-memory, @aslitheryprinx, @avengerofsquids, @thatoneteadrinker666, @shushiyuii, @x-pair-o-dice-x, @jammanthejam, @trouble-off-grid, @lunar-but-little, @frickfrackiwastakingabath, @chequered-career, @bio-nerds-corner, @dingbatnix, @cottoncandythetrashpanda, @sprite-addicted-artist, @colossal-red, @sheena-yuet, @quackxolotl, @local-squishmallow, @nobodywritingao3, @deity-of-keys, @astraymetronome, @a-xyz-s, and tumblr has now told me that i’ve hit the max of 50 mentions so i will have to reblog this with the rest of you (crazy to think that there’s that many of y’all but i really do want to shout out everyone) (also if you’re one of these blogs that doesn’t post mcyt anymore and don’t want yourself associated with it, just lmk and i will remove your tag from my list, just know that your previous work in this community was admired and appreciated <3)
also can’t forget the anons and the followers that aren’t outwardly a part of this community (don’t have g/t blogs, don’t have mcyt blogs, or just don’t post in general). i’m lucky enough that i’ve never received hate from an anon before, everything you guys have ever sent is so nice and you also have great ideas! I am so sorry if it takes me forever to share those ideas publicly, but know that each of you are appreciated. and for my followers, i truly wouldn’t be anywhere without you guys, so thank you for supporting me <3
anyway, i might be getting over sentimental about all this, but 3 years is a long time, and over that time i’ve grown very attached to this little group of creators and i just wanted to let you know how loved and appreciated you are
💕💖🫶💕✨
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atlabeth · 5 months
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now that the dust has cleared from the chaos for me irl, i want to officially thank you all for 3000 followers!! because wow. where do i even start?
this isn't a milestone i thought i would ever reach. i made this blog during my junior year of high school when i was bored as hell in online school, not knowing what would come of it, and honestly not expecting anyone to read anything i’ve written. i exclusively wrote avatar fics (kind of embarrassing that a series i started at the beginning of my blog still isnt finished huh?) because it was what i had been watching most recently. i started to gain some recognition, made some friends, and slowly but surely i carved out my little corner of the internet. and now, 3 years, 3000 followers, and almost 500,000 words later, i’m going into my junior year of college with some of the best online friends a girl could ask for (shoutout to my day 1 @simplysolo for still being around and still being the best ever, and shoutout to all my other tumblr friends that have deactivated over the years</3 i miss you guys) a whole array of fandoms that i’ve dabbled in, and a newly discovered thing for middle aged men. cool 
i truly cannot thank you all enough. i’ve always been a writer, but this blog has given me a sorely needed creative outlet and made me more confident in my writing skills than ever. at the end of the day i’m just writing silly little x reader fics, but i’ve truly had so much fun doing it! every single fictional man im in love with is also in love with me isn’t that crazy!!!
a special, extended shoutout to the loveliest mutuals i’ve picked up over the years. i wouldn’t be half the writer i am and i wouldn’t have half as much fun on here without you all. @simplysolo for being around since the beginning and truly being the greatest person on this app, i love you intensely, @sokkadora for being another one of my ogs (we dont talk anymore but i see you every so often on my dash and you’re doing great!!) @mcallmestiles for being one of the first avatar fics i ever read, traitor encouraged me to be a better writer and i hope you’re doing well with your medical career!! @tangledinlove for being my most famous mutual, the kindest person in the world, and being brought together through the power of lockwood, @giyuji and @milkiane who are both inactive but who i have to tag because i love them and i hope they’re doing well; naomi you got me into the grishaverse and liane we were in the trenches of the stranger things revival together, @boneblushed for dealing with so much but still being phenomenal and lovely in every way, @tommymcartney for being so sweet all the time, my biggest cheerleader and encouraging my insanity in every fandom ive been a part of, @nghtwngs for being the only person who loses it over nikolai lantsov as much as i do, to all my new/more recent mutuals @hotchfiles @ma1dita @moowithmidnight @emiliehornby @supercutszns i can't wait to get to know or keep getting to know you!!! you're all so lovely!!! and all the mutuals i don’t talk to as much as i should, i love you all and cherish you in my heart regardless of if we talk every day or have never said a single word to each other!! i don’t want to tag you all because i don’t want to bother you, but if you’re looking at this and thinking am i talking about you, i am. i love you. it takes a village and im so lucky to have you all as mine 
i can’t believe it’s been 3 years, i can’t believe i’m halfway done with college, and i can’t believe we hit 3,000. truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for reading my fics and letting me be some small part of your lives. i can’t wait to write more for you all. keep a lookout for my 3k celebration post! 
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maddiescinema · 7 months
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first, your services are very much appreciated and i hope you have a wonderful day
second, here's what i remember about the fic i'm looking for (and if it's not real wow my brain is so good at coming up with stories)
lando norris x reader
pretty sure reader is female
its (freelance?) photographer reader and i think also best friend reader
reader was hired by mclaren to do photography stuff for f1 and of the drivers, thats where lando and reader first met and became friends
im pretty sure its part of a (ongoing?) series
part smau part written
financial issues & mclaren not being able to hire reader all the time or smth like that (maybe) lead reader to accept a contract or whatever its called to photograph a football team
its one of england's/uk's football teams (im not well versed in football so bear with me) i think
i think the team may have been manchester city? and i think i remember a jack grealish or someone like that
anyways
reader goes there and does readers job and becomes accquianted with the team members
there's this one member who has a fuckboy/playboy reputation, and keeps bothering reader to go for dinner and eventually reader says yes bc he promises its just between friends
dinner goes fine until the end where he confides in reader that the team is going to let him go if he doesnt get his act together or so he believes
then he asks reader to pretend to be his girlfriend so that doesnt happen, reader says no, he threatens reader and her career, so she gives in and he says lets kiss in front of the paps so word gets out and they do bc theyre outside having this convo and there are paps around and an article is posted and it goes to social media
anyways that dude is an asshole
reader just ignores him and tries not to be with him and interact with him going back to work, and reader is feeling really alone bc lando isnt answering her calls and she deosnt really have anyone at the moment to vent and talk about this situation to, also the internet gets to her a bit i think
reader is camping out in an empty conference room getting stuff done when she goes to get a snack and maybe the bathroom to cry & try to call lando again?
when she comes back theres someone there and its jack grealish(?) (not the relationship forcing asshole) and shes like oh im sorry i must have forgot our meeting
hes like we had no meeting i just wanted to check up on you, bc ive noticed you been down lately and the whole dating thing
readers opens up and vents about being forced into the relationship
he shares that the team is either waiting or looking for a reason to let the asshole go bc his behaviour is bad and the players dont like him and dont get along with him
and he promises reader that if she ever needs anything that hes there for her and that she can go him
and she feels safe and happy and not alone anymore
and thats all i remember, and since im 94% sure that this is a series or at least part of a series, i might be mixing up parts
if you can find it thank you! if not thanks for trying!
p.s. why is it so hard to find things on tumblr??? ive tried to look for this but im also weak and give up to easily
first of all, thank uu 🫶🏻 i’m happy to help!!
second of all, I SWEAT I’VE READ SOMETHING LIKE THIS BEFORE, like i’m so sure but going back to find it is actually impossible 😭 i’ll try again tomorrow cause i know i’ve read this one BUT if anyone knows where to find it PLEASE let us know in the comments, my inbox or my dms!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻
UPDATE:
“A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words” by @f1byjessie
(thank you SO much to the comment and the anons who helped find this fic!! all the love to you guys!!)
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spindrifters · 1 year
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dude i really dont know how to tell you this in a comprehensible way but im just so in awe at you. i've been following your blog for maybe two months or smth bc of the constant wolfstar spam and really enjoy that.
but also i find it so so nice to see an adult in fandom that is comfortable with being an adult in fandom. i've seen lots of people turn away from fandom activity as they grow older (especially from harry potter related stuff. ig it becomes embarrassing for people) but i couldn't imagine that for myself as it is a big part of my own life. why would i stop engaging in a community that shares art and stories and beliefs?
(also as i'm a nonbinary teenager my heart just kind of jumps seeing an adult whos comfy presenting themselves like that on the internet. i'm finishing school soon and growing into the age where lots of people in my social circle seem to expect from me to grow out of this "phase". ALSO i make art myself and its just cool to see "real" writers in fandom. (i really hope me telling you this doesn't bother you.))
i just wanna tell you that your silly little posts always make me giggle and this blog feels like its own little safe space :) hope you're having a nice day <3
I want you to know that it really made my day to wake up to this.
I remember being a teenager and seeing my 30+ fandom friends and just sort of thinking well that's great for them, but there was an underlying assumption that I'd probably grow out of it by then. which made me really sad, but I assumed it was just a natural part of growing up. and then I didn't grow out of it. but more importantly, like you've said, I became really comfortable with it. if football fanboys can have their niche obsessive interests their whole life, then so can I. that's something that happens across the board, at least in my experience. I hit 27 or 28 I think and started embracing things I thought I'd have to put away as an adult, only now I had the freedom to do it in ways I didn't when I was younger. (I'm not just talking fandom. I'm talking dying my hair pink after 7 years of blonde because it made me happy and I stopped caring about it looking professional.)
and I do think part of this is because there's no actual way to 'be an adult.' part of that's because the markers and milestones boomers and much of gen x had don't really exist for us anymore. so you get older and it's a realization that, "I don't have to look and act like an adult. an adult looks and acts like me, because that's what I am." and then you start to meet other people who think similarly. the community of 30+ fans here on tumblr dot com are honestly some of the best people I know.
anyway, all this is to say, I so remember what those growing pains you're going through/can see on the horizon were like, especially relating to the interests I had that society messaged to me were shameful to have. I was a teenager during peak fangirl shaming of the 00s/10s. so I turned it into a fucking career instead.
I'm really, really glad that this feels like a safe space for you, it makes my lil gremlin heart very cozy and warm. xx
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anabundanceofjunos · 2 years
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Funky Little Intro post
Hiya!! I’m Juno, and I use any pronouns :)
I’m an aspiring fiction author, currently participating in nanowrimo!! I do original works and fanfiction alike, and I post my works on ao3 (MARUTSUK3) and twitter (wojiaojuno)!! Some fun facts about me include:
🍁I’m 20 years old
🍁I have been on tumblr for most of my internet career, but I’m not into those fandoms anymore and wanna just focus on writing
🍁I cheated on my driving exam by bribing my proctor 50 dollars. I did indeed get my license despite running a stop sign, hitting a curb, speeding, and missing a turn signal.
🍁I mostly write lgbtq+ romance!
🍁My senior quote in highschool was from a Big Time Rush self insert fic
🍁I fucking love reality TV. It’s the best. Fantastic television.
🍁I identify as unlabeled in sexuality in gender. Gay gay gay.
🍁I’m originally from Texas but I moved to Cali a couple years ago for university. Im a political science major, so I’m sure you can guess why I moved.
🍁One time I awoke in a dumpster.
🍁I am an avid enjoyer of romcoms. Yummy.
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iwadori · 3 years
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Haikyu boys when they make you insecure PT 1 (Kenma,Kuroo)
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Part 1 Part 2  Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6.
Word Count:3k 
genre: angst, fluff
masterlist
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Kenma:
You and Kenma have been in a long distance relationship for a while.
Both of you stream, Kenma doing it seriously for his job and you just playing it for fun,
Sometimes you stream together of course but because of your difference in audiences and games you don’t do it all the time
“Bye guys! Hope you enjoyed todays stream” You wave off to the camera and shut off your PC taking a few sips of water.
Kenma: Hey.. nice stream today Y/N are you going to watch mine?
Y/N: Of course I will 
Kenma: Ok talk to you later
Y/N: okayy <3
Kenma is what inspired you to stream, he also taught you all the ins and outs of streaming making sure you were set and ready. Your gaming style was very relaxed and friendly as you obviously weren’t streaming as a career just for fun and to make friends with your online viewers. The games you played were usually: minecraft, COD, Sims 4, Roblox, Animal crossing and *Insert your favourite game here* the way I literally named all the games I play 
You wait for Kenmas stream to start, kind of excited as you’ve always loved seeing your boyfriend in his ‘element’ when it comes to playing to games. As your boyfriends stream starts you see he’s already chosen what game he is playing today which is to your surprise Call of duty, since that was the game you were playing earlier.
As he gets into the stream you are entertained, as always since Kenma was being his usual self laughing at his own deadpan jokes and interacting with his viewers. He is currently waiting for his capture the flag game to start so as he waits he decides to read some comments in the chat.
You’re used to the usual ‘Kenma where is Y/N I miss your usual streams together’ or ‘kenma please RAIL me’ which always makes you laugh. You were also used to the common hate comments Kenma and You both got on your streams but you were definitely not ready for this..
@ Ihatewomanandiamadick : Hey Kenma did you see your girls stream today she is so dog shit at COD lmaoooo jhdfkjdrhdrr
“Well hello ihatewomenandiamadick” started Kenma “but yes I did see Y/N stream and obviously she is not the best at games and I would definitely NOT ask her to team with me for any serious gaming competitions ... but she’s fun to watch I guess” as he finished speaking about you his game loaded up so he focused his attention on that the words he just spoke going to the back of his mind as they end up at the forefront of yours.
You obviously knew you were no match for Kenma’s gaming expertise but you didn’t expect him to publicly agree with a hate comment let alone add more of his imput on you. Did he really think that about you? ‘She’s fun to watch I guess’ did he not even enjoy your streams that much?
You wanted to distract yourself, and you definitely couldn’t do that watching him so you close off of his stream and get in your bed deciding to watch your favourite show. 
Waking up at 6pm after your sad nap, you see that Kenma has left some messages to you,
Kenma: hey did you watch my stream?
Kenma: do you want to facetime later and play some minecraft..?
Kenma: y/n r u ok??
Y/N: oh hey cnt play minecraft w you rn not really in the mood..
Kenma: oh ok..
Time passed since then a month to be exact and you basically dropped off of the face of the earth, you weren’t in the mood to do anything let alone game and stream, which was a constant reminder of your boyfriend (something you didn’t want at the time.) 
You felt embarrassed over all the things he said about you and all the things you now think he thinks about you and the way you play. Maybe he thinks even worse things about you, beyond just how you game? What if he doesn’t even genuinely like you...or he has someone else...it does make sense, you do both live miles and miles away from eachother AND he’s a big streamer you see the amount of girls in his comments.
You shake your head to erase your protruding thoughts coming in your mind, but it doesn’t really help. You and Kenma haven’t spoken much over this month he tried to constantly reach out to you at first but you assume he got bored over your constant, repetitive dry texts. So you were almost content with you and Kenma not even being in a relationship anymore.
However on Kenma’s side, he was beyond worried about you. Since you haven’t been streaming or barely responded to his texts he thought something happened to you, but he didn’t want to be seen as ‘overstepping boundaries’ if there was nothing wrong at all with you and you simply were just ‘not in the mood.’ 
So here he is, in Kuroo’s apartment trying to get him to help him out on finding out what is wrong with you.
“So kenma can you remember what happened the day when Y/N went ‘ghost’“ asked Kuroo in a mock detective voice
“Y/N didn’t go ‘ghost’ Kuro, and take this seriously” said Kenma “I’m worried bout her”
“Okay fine, but for real what’s the last thing you remember before she started acting all weird.” 
“Umm I think it was around a month ago I did my saturday stream and I think she was on it but she didn’t leave her usual nice comments throughout”
“Ohh that was the stream when you sai-” Kuroo said before pausing his words as the memory of what Kenma said about you on his stream came in his mind, as even Kuroo thought it was a tad bit harsh for Kenma to say all those things “I think I know why Y/N has been so distant kiddo”
“What why?” Asked Kenma
Kuroo pulls out his phone and brings up the clip off what Kenma said and Kenma’s face cringes ‘did he really say all those things about you’ he thinks. 
“Shit.. I didn’t know I said all of that” he said quietly “how do I make it up to her?”
“There’s only one thing you can really do Kenma” said kuroo
You are woken up out of your sleep by a knock on the door. Getting out your bed like a zombie, you trudge to your front door only surprised by what you see. There in his 5′6 glory stood your ‘boyfriend’ Kenma with a controller and a kitten teddy in his hand. You were very tempted to shut the door in his face and get back to your dreamless sleep but you waited on him to speak.
“Hi Y/N” he said quietly “wanna play some minecraft...?”
“Why so you can ridicule me on how shit I am?” You ask bitterly ready to shut the door on him
“No! No not all” he said stopping you from shutting the door entering your place “Y/N i’m really sorry on what I said, I wasn’t thinking AT ALL... I love watching your streams and I think you’re great at playing games...I was just being a dick,”
You take a deep breath before tears pool in your eyes “what you said really hurt me kenma..” you say “ I know people say shitty things on the internet all the time... it’s the internet. But I wasn’t expecting you to agree with the hater and say even more shitty things on top of that.. I don’t think I want to even stream anymore”
Upon hearing that, Kenma’s mouth parts open with shock ‘you dont want to stream anymore’ were his comments that bad? Now he feel even worse as he should and is now more determined to make things right. 
He impulsively drags your arm into your game room, catching your surprise ‘what is he up too?’ you think. He stops for a second seeing your usual pristine gaming set up, collected up with dust. 
“What are you do-” you start 
“Just wait!” He says, as he rushes away turning on all your stuff and logging onto his twitch account as he sees the views go up he starts to speak
 “Hi guys, its me kodzuken and today I’m here on stream with my beautiful girlfriend and today I want to say..” he turns to you “Y/N im so sorry for the horrible things I said to you that day... I was just being a dick and I’m sorry I really am.”
You look at the chat and you see some confusion and some people recalling his words from last month. “It’s fine Kenma, I forgive you” you say giving him a hug”
“Okay Y/N, so what do you say... wanna beat my ass at bed wars?” He says with a smirk 
“When have I ever loss?” you return his smirk
Of course you did beat his ass as bed wars for rounds on rounds never losing proving yourself to actually be a good gamer girl. You enjoyed your time with Kenma, forgetting what he said before about you and moving on. 
Eventually, you guys moved in together and streamed together all the time and yes you still do play for fun but you’ve gotten way better at COD (some may say better then Kenma) but who is better didn’t matter to any of you, as long as you got to play together that’s all you both cared about.
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Kuroo:
Kuroo and you have been together since you were in your first year of high school 
You met as friends first when you got him to tutor you in chemistry ( a subject you still aren’t that good at.)
Now you have your upcoming entrance exams for university in a month so your school has you doing mock exams in preparation for them.
20%
You look down at your chemistry paper that your teacher just handed you. 20%. You’re surprised, very surprised since out of all your subjects (that you go 90+% on) you studied on the chemistry test the hardest ensuring Testurou, that you didn’t need his help at all. But I guess it turns out, you did.
This failing mock grade put a blunder on your day, you didn’t interact with anyone and didn’t want to see your boyfriend so you skipped your usual routine of meeting him on the rooftop and went to the library instead ‘might aswell start early on your studying’ you thought.
As you were going over your chemistry topics, you hear an ‘ahem’ next to you and you turn your head only to find your boyfriend and his friends next to you. Kuroo with his usual goofy smile on his face. 
“Hey kitten where were you at lunch?” he asked 
“Needed to go to the library, Chemistry is kicking my ass” you mumbled 
“Oya” he said as he noticed your chemistry test laying under your textbook “20%, well damn Y/N I knew you were stupid, but I didn’t know you were that stupid” he laughed doing his stupid usual hyena-like laugh.
Ouch well that hurt. You slightly flinched at his words, “Really your name, you didn’t know the molecular formula for ethanol, that’s first year work” he said continuing to laugh “I’m pretty sure that’s one of the first things I tutored you on when we first met” 
His overbearing laughter was not good for you, you were already having a bad day and yes you do know your not that good at chemistry but you didn’t need your chemistry-enthusiast boyfriend to make fun of you for failing. Kenma and Yaku stood there awkwardly obviously aware of how bad Kuroo is making you feel but they didn’t really know how to stop his friend in the moment.Whilst he’s still dying of laughter you decide to pack up your stuff and leave the library.
You managed to get your Chemistry tutor to let you retake your mock paper in a week so that means, extra hard studying with no distractions you definitely can’t fail again. Since studying on your own was definitely not a good option, and you couldn’t go to Kuroo (especially after he ridiculed you) you decided to ask the second smartest person you know to tutor you.
Y/N: Hey Yaku! Can I ask you a favour?
Yaku: Hi Y/N what do you need??
Y/N: I have my chemistry retake next week, and as you know from your loud-loud friend I failed my recent test so can you tutor me?? 
Y/N: Pleaseeee
Yaku: Ok Y/N why can’t you ask Kuroo you know that he’d be more than happy to help
Y/N: Yakuu pleasee just help me out 
So there you was, nearly a week done with your study sessions with Yaku and you’re feeling way more confident than before. 
“Y/N what is the functional group of a Carboxylic Acid” Yaku asked
“umm... COO?” 
“Great! that’s correct Y/N” he praises i dont actually know if it’s correct or not
You then hear a knock at Yaku’s front door and hear his mum let the person in, Kuroo then enters Yaku’s bedroom with shock plastered on his face surprised to see you here.
“Y/N...hey?” he says confused “what are you doing here?”
“Oh Mori-chan is just helping me with chemistry for my retake tommorow” you say nochalantly internally smiling at the twinge in Kuroo’s face at the purposeful use of Yaku’s first name.
“So why didn’t you ask me to help you know I’m a chemistry whiz” he asks
“Maybe I’m too stupid to be taught under your tutelage” you mumble “since I seem to forget whatever you teach me, even when it’s 3 years ago... but ok”
“Y/N I-” he starts 
“Oh save it Kuroo, I have studying to do” you say cutting him off
“But I-” he tries
“So Mori-chan COOH is the function group of ethyl ethonate right?” you ask ignoring your boyfriend who is now at a lost for words
“ummm yeah it is” says yaku who is clearly feeling heavily awkward at the tension in his bedroom.
Kuroo leaves and you and yaku finish off the studying for the night, you did feel a little bad for being a bit mean to Kuroo but it’s karma for him being a dick to you. 
You wake up the next day ready for your exam which was first thing in the morning, before you hand in your phone you see a message from Kuroo,
Kuroo: I know you’re still mad at me, but I think you’re going to do so well on this test. You’re not stupid at all, you’re really smart and I love you < 3 
Kuroo: Good luck Y/N
You don’t respond to the message but smile at the sincerity of it and thankful for the boost of confidence it gave you before you start your exam.
Finishing the exam with a smile, you were confident you did well as everything you and Yaku went over was on the paper and you’re almost certain you atleast got more than 75%. You have to wait an hour before your teacher can give you your results, so in the meantime you might aswell reconcile with Kuroo.
When you exit the classroom, standing there was Kuroo who seemed to have been waiting for you for the whole duration of the exam.
“So how was it?” Kuroo asked, apprenhensive as he assumed you would just ignore him like you did at Yaku’s house.
“It was fine, I think it went alright..” you say
“Kuroo”
“Y/N”
You say simultaneously, he pauses for a second to let you speak “I’m sorry I was being so stand offish when we were at Yaku’s I just wanted you to see I could do it on my own, and when you called me stupid I really took that to heart since you and I both know that Chemistry wasn’t ever my best subject” 
“I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, and since it was only a practice test I didn’t think you’d take it to heart but I am sorry I know you aren’t stupid.”
Before you got to say anything else, your Chemistry teacher exited the room with your chemistry paper in hand. Kuroo grabbed your hand anticipating your nerves and gave it a gentle squeeze.
“Miss L/N” said your teacher “Well done on your chemistry test” he turned your test around to sure a perfect 100%. Both you and Kuroo gasped, you were elated to say the least you wanted to jump up and down in excitement but a PERFECT 100%.
“I’d also like to add that you have now got the top chemistry score in the school beating the previous title holder Kuroo Testurou” said your teacher, this made Kuroo open his mouth even wider in surprise nearly making you giggle at his response. 
Your teacher took his leave, leaving you and Kuroo in the hallway “ I guess i’m the chemistry whizz now “ you say wiggling your eyebrows just as Kuroo did to you before at Yaku’s this made him chuckle as he came to put his arm around you.
“Y/N don’t get ahead of yourself now, you may have won this battle but I will win the war” he said smiling
In the final exam, you continue your winning streak also getting a near 100% and still beating Kuroo which didn’t matter to either of you, now you’re just like him cracking chemistry puns and jokes all the time which none of your friends appreciated but atleast Kuroo found them SODIUM funny.
AN: Please kill me for the last line of Kuroos, I didn’t really like Kuroo’s since it was a bit self indulgent with my hate for chemistry but what do you guys think?
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mindofharry · 4 years
Note
tell me why i’m kinda obsessed with the idea of harry dating a well known youtube vlogger? like the first couple that comes to my mind is claudia sulewski and finneas. just the idea of him being in the background of the vlogs makes me happy. i just love it
OK IM ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH THIS.
like harry’s super, duper private. so dating someone that is well known too is always a lot harder. Especially when you’re definitely more open about your life. You make youtube videos for a living, and you’re very transparent with your followers. You like them to know what you’re going through, how you solved the problem etc. you’re like the big older sister of youtube. People watch your videos because you’re relatable and real and comforting. That’s why harry loves you so much.
You both met through friends. You met glenne in late 2013, when one direction was at their peak and your youtube career was taking off. Glenne and you went to the same event and basically became best friends in 2 hours, arranging to meet two days later. The minute glenne met you, she knew you were perfect for harry.
Glenne had been on your youtube vlog a few times, you didn’t like filming with your friends around — just because you know a few them don’t feel comfortable, but glenne really doesn’t mind. she likes to take over a bit too. In 2015 your youtube was one of the most viewed channel that year and you were growing more known by the second.
“Hey, i never did introduce you to my friend” glenne said while braiding your hair. you were definitely in some sort of sex rut, you just needed to have a few one night stands, you get out there. you had been in an on and for relationship for about 6 months now — you really think it’s over.
“Now which celebrity is it?” you teased making glenne pull your hair back. “glenne!” you pouted, holding into your head.
“it’s someone”
And so glenne set you up on a blind date, not telling you who or where. She did your makeup and helped you dress acordingly. You tried to ask questions, get literally anything out of her. But she’s a tough cookie. Jeff drove you and Glenne to the place, a nice diner. Could be worse, you thought.
“Be nice, be good and please give him a chance” Glenne said, like a mother. you nodded with a teasing smile before kissing her forehead and thanking jeff. Jeff could see you and harry together. He wasn’t sure how long you guys would last, but he couldn’t deny you were perfect for harry and harry was perfect for you. You loved the same music harry did, harry watched those horrible rom coms you make glenne and jeff watch with you. It’s perfect.
You give the waitress the name and she nods bringing you over to an empty booth.
“What can i get for you while you wait, darling” the waitress asked with a soft smile. “just a coke, thanks” you say watching her walk away. Five minutes later the door opened again and a tall man walked up to the same waitress - misty is her name. You see him being brought over your way by misty.
No fucking way. harry styles?
You grinned and stood up, harry immediately going in for a hug. He recognised you from a few pictures around jeff’s house and from the internet it’s self. He might of mentioned having a small crush on you to jeff at one point.
“Hi, i’m Y/N” you say sitting down, harry sits right in front of you. God, he’s so hot. Thank you glenne, you thought to yourself. Let’s just hope, you don’t embarrass yourself.
And you didn’t. You and harry really hit it off, staying in the diner for hours. You went back to harrys home and the rest was history. 5 years, nearly 6 you and harry are together and very much happy. Glenne never lets the fact she made you and harry happen go. You get asked and of course harry gets asked about how you two met and so on, glenne just loves that she’s apart of the story. You only have her to thank for bringing the love of your life to you.
Tackling the filming was hard after the so called “honeymoon phase”. you mostly just did sit down videos in the first year of you and harry dating - story times were a big think in 2016, so that really helped too. But when you both got more comfortable with yourself relationship and eachother, work was so much harder. Harry made it clear that he didn’t want to be in any videos. Even in the background. You completely understood, boundaries are good.
When you started back vlogging again, your supporters were so happy. They missed seeing your daily life, and they definitely made that known. You let harry know that you were vlogging that day, and there wasn’t a problem.
Until there was.
You were trying to be as careful as possible, but when you went to edit all the footage - there was basically nothing you could use. Harry was in nearly every clip and even if you tried to crop him out or cut that clip down - it just didn’t look good or make any sense.
Harry had seen the state you were in when you were getting ready for bed. He felt selfish - but he needed those boundaries.
“Hey guys! i’ve decided that sit down videos are the way to go from now on, it’s just better for me and my editor at the moment. hope you guys can understand” you say from the bathroom with a fake smile on your face - you were trying to hold back the tears. Harry could hear it in your voice and curse to himself.
Harry smiled at you when you came back to bed. you didn’t say anything just climbing into bed.
You barely posted on youtube and instagram anymore. Your supporters were worried to say the least, commenting everytime harry posted wondering what was wrong. Your friends began to worry too.
They wondered if harry was really the right person for you.
After being in a small rut for about two weeks - you sit harry down, you needed him to either get with your job or.... well, you know.
“this is my job and i’m currently letting down a lot of people” you say placing your hand on his “so i either need to be ok with being in the background” you pause and look up at harry “or we need to take a break”
Harry knew it was coming. He felt stupid for keeping you from your fucking job. He was selfish, and his boundaries were outrageous considering he’s living with a youtuber. So he decided to get with it - because he’s not losing you. He never ever wants to be without you, you’re the one of him.
And so the honeymoon phase came back again. Harry became comfortable with the camera and the fans absolutely loved it. You were finally getting back to your old self - well, the new and improved old self.
“So, harry and i are off to glenne and jeffs for dinner” you say putting down the camera, it rested on your desk. “this is the fit” you say standing back twirling around in your dress. Harry comes into the office and smiles as he sees you talking to the camera. He leans against the wall, one hand in his pocket. You turned around and saw your boyfriend watching you. You sighed and took your camera and turned it off him, harry didn’t have any complaints.
“you look beautiful”
Other times, it’s just as simple as getting a drink while you’re in the kitchen or being beside you while you’re talking.
youtuber!Y/N and harry styles are endgame !!!!
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organic-guacamole · 3 years
Text
episode 209 spoilers below
I'm so late today but here it is
I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.
Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.
LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"
ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times
SEBLOS
damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋
CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!
we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.
old old movies-
is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-
i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards
aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls
(please ignore me)
y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her
ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.
so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them
do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....
speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄
big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that
I can't-
i won't work you over the break-
this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.
YES GINA USE THAT CHARM
QUEEN
FRENCH QUEEN
SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)
smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.
The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"
I love them your honour.
EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE
great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.
finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell
the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn
no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-
Ricky is me. I am burrito.
oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it
is that even the same lady or-
THE BEAN
THE CHICAGO BEAN
THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭
jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.
"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."
SO MANY CANDLES
WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-
is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-
Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.
EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)
oh not the tiktok kid✋
yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career
sir take a hint and leave
GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER
Ricky, walking in style✨
weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?
not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more
RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-
YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-
PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF
ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad
still don't know if I like Jack honestly
hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.
that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time
the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-
anyways wbk she's not totally straight
Jack are you a criminal?
quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker
THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN
the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now
stole her grandma's Pomeranian-
Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-
the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though
anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?
wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?
wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED
the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭
sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...
take that as you will
I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off
that's the most realistic part of this show tbh
shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...
Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...
KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS
I hate school
ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩
I never lie, except when I do-
son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"
2 truths and a lie👀
he's an Ariana fan 100%
called it.
OLDER BROTHER-
WHAT-
free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie
so has she been kissed or not?????????
I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly
but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn
same though Gina so let's be besties please
heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn
but wait
is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???
guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme
THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT
IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S
OMG I LOVE I LOVE
NOT THAT I KNOW OF???
ma'am did you just kill me
yes you did
Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship
YES IT DID SUCK
TODD SUCKS
LYNNE SUCKS
yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME
right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-
Richard needs a long hug
yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.
YES DYE YOUR HAIR
BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN
"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."
gotta admit I teared up at that point
not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-
Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?
also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg
"don't ask me"
"Carlos"
OMG WHAT HAPPENED
big red wants the tea
O M G
SEB IS JEALOUS
JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC
I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh
So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right
EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there
"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.
jealous seb = sassy seb
please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb
6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM
Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍
I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.
Jack please dont be like that, "yet"
chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰
(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)
Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least
Nini: "im good"
cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif
oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second
1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around
2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???
ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ
*chefs kiss*
now everyone shut up, EJ's singing
oh i think I'm pregnant
HIS MUSCLES
YES KOURTNEY
I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots
sebby makes me so happy
props to biggies editing skills honestly
PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT
AND SEBLOS OMG
big red lives for the drama
"wow" so true Ricky
no he is not cute, stop it
"holding" ok that's kinda cute
yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌
jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-
keep in touch if you want
ok I really like Jack now
if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?
like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?
I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold
Ricky's breaking my heart
that song just hurts
the only thing
now I don't hate Lynne????????
HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER
UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER
I mean I don't live her now but she's good
but honestly
"mom can I show you something"
IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL
THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG
I'm sobbing please help
Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???
ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there
her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.
this episode was great.
it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.
Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj
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angeloncewas · 3 years
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dont wanna make this ask long bc i am tired and dont have the energy to be a well spoken (?) person rn but it probably will be long anyways, so sorry!! but like. as somebody who has hyperfixated on both idubbbz and schlatt (along with a plethora of other problematic content creators, i really know how to fuckn pick em!!) they absolutely foster a dogshit community, at least outside of platforms like tumblr, where like. you cant really avoid fandom culture like you can on twitter or ig, if that makes sense. on here, if you wanna post about your favorite youtuber, whether you tag it or not, other fans will likely see and if you say some bad shit, you will likely get called on it, whereas on ig basically only your followers will see it even if you use a hashtag and on twitter its like if you arent in a subtwt/fandom then you basically dont interact with any subtwt at all unless its an accident, ya know?
so like. i think what im trying to say here is that while ive met a lot of fans of both these creators, especially schlatt, who are great people as far as i can tell, i am also specifically on the fandom side of things and as soon as i step out of that space i realize that a lot of people who watch them are not actually minorities like me and my mutuals who can catch on to satire or who watch their more behind the scenes stuff where you can see them act like a decent person or even call out people for the things they usually joke about which just. fucking sucks. it sucks that, as much as i do believe schlatt is actually a good person (and sort of idubbbz, although i dont really watch him much anymore for a plethora of reasons, mostly related to the fact that i cant stand his jokes anymore even if he is playing a character as he's said before), he also keeps doing terrible fucking things and im really glad his actual friends have been calling him on it recently, especially after that jackbox video (which is a whole other thing on its own bc it literally seemed like nobody wanted to be there basically the entire video?? like as somebody who watched all the jackbox videos before that one, it was really fucking off in that call and the jokes were next level fucking upsetting), but sometimes it's just kinda like. exhausting. bc his community is already fucking bad now, you cant undo accidentally fostering a community of fucking racist homophobes who dont get that you're playing a character, unless you kinda drop off and build a whole new community from that, which would be stupid to do at this point in his career. not really sure where i was going with this tbh, but i thought i would chime in on this discussion as a viewer of mainly schlatt, but also a past idubbbz viewer who is basically a seasoned fucking vet at dealing with shitty fanbases because of him and many other dumb youtube white boys
(also, note on that anisa thing: ian's main fanbase was definitely pissed just bc she does sex work and a lot of them are too fucking young or just too fucking dense i guess to clock the fact that he's putting on an act bc, like i said before, they either dont watch his behind the scenes content, or they do and they kinda just miss those moments between still trying to entertain where he gets genuine. that being said, a lot of people outside of his fanbase were also pissy bc anisa is a less than spectacular lady if you really do your research on her, kind of a bad person but it's not something a lot of people know about, especially since one of the few videos made on it was by fucking creepshow art)
sorry for the rant again, i feel like i do this every other week now and i apologize, you just seem to have the best discourse and i enjoy partaking <3 hope you have a good rest of your day/night/whatever time you're reading this!
—🦷
Thank you for the input (don't mind the rant !) and I hope you have a good rest of your day too <3 For post length, I'll answer under the cut :)
Yeah, I get what you mean (I think ahdsufsd). Fandom as a concept is pretty... I don't even know how to describe it, but it's the kind of thing that I feel like white male Redditors would think of as pussy shit, y'know? Like the Ricegum gang isn't a fucking "fandom" they're a... well, a fandom, but they're not gonna admit to that. So when you step outside of a community like Tumblr (the queerest place on the internet TM) you come into contact with the faces of the fandom you're dealing with and oftentimes they're a lot less like you than you might've thought from the similar interest. It's like going to a Weezer concert and realizing you're surrounded by incels (this is a JOKE).
Satire's a rough topic because some people don't think it should exist at all. Like any words that can be directly interpreted as bigoted or problematic should not be uttered. I disagree with that, I think it's one of the most interesting forms of both social commentary and comedy, but I do see the problem. There are people who watched Filthy Frank (to take an example from that other anon) and didn't know or care what the point of his actions were (I don't know what they were tbh - I never watched him, but it sounds like he's a pretty decent dude) and instead read his jokes as-is. There are thousands upon thousands of people who aren't gonna get satire and that's a problem because if they're already bigoted they're gonna see people like Schlatt and iDubbz and whoever else as truly validating.
(Largely unrelated but yo, is iDubbz still going? Are the views alright? Is the adsense popping? Has he just kept going with Content Cops? I haven't heard about him since the girlfriend thing dropped.)
"you cant undo accidentally fostering a community of fucking racist homophobes who dont get that you're playing a character, unless you kinda drop off and build a whole new community from that"
I think this is what's pertinent when it comes to discussing Schlatt. After the Jackbox video (for me at least, he might've been there before) he put himself at a crossroads. If he'd apologized, said "sorry, I took it too far, that was a mistake" - yeah, plenty of people wouldn't have forgiven him and plenty of bigoted fans of his would've said that the apology was just to placate the snowflakes on Twitter, but to the sort of in-between people it would've shown that he's able to recognize and reconcile his mistakes. He could've transitioned into content that's A) actually good (when I say that the video was bad I don't just mean in terms of racism, I mean it straight up was not entertaining) and B) less "edgy" for the sake of. I wouldn't expect him to go uwu squeaky clean, but he's already reeled in the bad people, so if he really wanted to foster a good, progressive audience, he has to do something significant to show that.
But he didn't.
Maybe for the sake of his career, maybe because he likes those bigoted fans, maybe because he just doesn't get it - I don't know. I don't think we'll ever know. I spoke earlier about doing what is right over what is easy and in the case of Schlatt it just feels like he really did take the easy way out. Whoever he is in his personal life doesn't change how he's perceived online and the kinds of people that are idolizing him for it.
(And yeah I saw the video on Anisa when I Googled her to check if they were still dating, but then I saw who it was made by and I was like oh well whatever avhfdfkj)
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maniacelite132 · 3 years
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missmentelle · 5 years
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This might sound very silly but I just don't know how to be more proactive. I've been very passive all this years until this point where I feel like I can't anymore. I wish I could be more hardworking for the things I want but I get all overwhelmed and don't even know how other people have the energy or the motivation. People think Im just lazy. I don't have almost any skills let alone any that I can monetize, I feel like Im going to be a looser forever.
I think this is a problem that a lot of people - especially younger people - are struggling with right now. We want to achieve great things, and we feel like we should be achieving great things, but many of us are so paralyzed by doubt/anxiety/apathy/uncertainty that we have a hard time mustering up the motivation to run basic errands, let alone chase our dreams. I’ve certainly spent more than my fair share of time beating myself up for the countless days that I’ve fucked around on Reddit all day instead of actually achieving anything, even when I was fully aware that I was sabotaging my own dreams and goals by doing so. I just couldn’t always muster up the ability to care about the things I needed to be doing, even if there were dire consequences for not doing them. The good news is, there are definitely ways to overcome this issue, and reach a point where you are happier with your progress and your life. To get started, I recommend:
Decide what it is you actually want. Telling yourself to “be more proactive”, “work harder” or “have a better life” is not helpful if you don’t actually have specific goals that you’re working towards. It is very, very easy to find ways to be “busy” for 8 hours per day - but being busy doesn’t necessarily mean progress. Take some time, and think about some rough goals that you’d like to actually work towards. Don’t worry about how much work or effort it would be to achieve those goals, just start thinking about what you want in life, and what’s the most important to you. Think about the kind of life that you would like to have someday, and start figuring out the steps you need to take in order to get yourself from your current life to the life that you envision. It’s okay if those things are very far apart - the point is not for you to get overwhelmed, but for you to have something to be proactive about. 
Start slowly. You cannot go from “spending 8 hours per day mindlessly browsing the internet amidst a pile of old take-out containers” to “running 5 miles every morning before making art for 8 hours in a spotless apartment with a fridge full of vegetables” overnight. Trying to change your routine too drastically and too quickly will lead to you burning out in a couple of days and going right back to your old ways, with an added dose of self-hatred because you tried and failed. Trying to be more productive and more functional is a process, and a long one at that. It’s not at all unusual or abnormal to take several years of work before you get your life to where you want it to be. Start slow. Start with incredibly tiny changes, and slowly build up those changes over time. If you currently live on a diet of fast food and candy, and you want to be a shredded, clean-eating fitness guru, you can’t rush into that all at once. Start by swapping out full-sugar pop for diet pop for the first month, and trying to drink more water. That’s it. Don’t make any other changes. Then the second month, switch out diet pop for flavored water. And so on. Change only sticks when it’s gradual. 
Focus on one thing at a time. Again, trying to do too much, too soon is a recipe for fast burnout and self-hatred. Start by trying to change one area of your life, and one area of your life alone. Once you feel like you have a pretty solid handle on that part of your life and you have established some new habits, then you can add on a second area of focus. Spend some time, and really think about which area of your life is the most important for you to change, and which area of focus will improve your life the most. If it helps, envision your problems as rocks that you are carrying around in a backpack with you at all times. What’s the heaviest rock in your backpack? If you are overweight, unhappily single, making no progress building your YouTube channel and failing out of college, then your college grades are probably the thing causing you the most stress in your life, and they’re your most urgent concern - focus on that, and give yourself permission to let the rest of it sit on the back burner until you have boosted your GPA. Only then will you be ready to start changing something else. 
Go easy on yourself. I think one of the pitfalls that many young people face these days is that they absolutely crush themselves with unrealistic expectations of what they “should” be doing with their lives; it’s hard to get up the motivation to do anything when you’ve convinced yourself that the bare minimum for success is an impossible ideal. I have friends with master’s degrees who still consider themselves failures that haven’t done anything in life. Remember that you are not a machine. Even at your most successful and high-functional, you will not be perfect and productive 100% of the time. You will still have lazy days where you don’t get much done. You will still occasionally order takeout instead of making a home-cooked meal. You will still occasionally procrastinate. Don’t set yourself up for failure by comparing yourself to an unattainable ideal - just aim to be a slightly better version of what you are right now. 
Get used to tracking, even without making changes. It’s hard to set goals for improvement if you don’t have a solid idea of what you’re actually doing right now. Telling yourself things like “stop being so lazy and do more things” is setting yourself up for a spiral of self-loathing if you don’t actually track what you’re doing, because you won’t be able to see the small, gradual progress that you’re making. Being able to actually see yourself taking baby steps toward your goal is important for keeping you motivated, and keeping you from beating yourself up. Don’t track absolutely everything in your life - that becomes obsessive after a while - but keep an eye on some of the major things that you might want to change in the future. Install apps on your phone and laptop that track how much time you spend doing what. Set up the step tracker on your phone. If you want to eat better in the future, start tracking roughly what you eat now. I’m a pretty avid bullet journaler, I track a lot of my daily habits. Keeping track of the things you do, even if you’re not proud of them, and even before you start to work on them, gives you a baseline to work with, so you can establish how bad the problem is and see when you’re heading in the right direction. 
Forget the obsession with monetizing. A lot of us have gotten this idea in our heads that we need to find ways to monetize everything that we’re even remotely good at, or doing that thing is somehow a waste of our time. I don’t want to generalize about millennials and gen z too much, but I do feel like our generation was raised on the belief that “doing what you love” is the most important thing in life; I personally have many friends that are obsessed with monetizing, to the point that they no longer do anything unless they can find some way to funnel it into advancing their blogger/influencer/creator career. I think this is a mistake. When you monetize something that you love doing, you turn it from a hobby into a job, with all the stress that comes with that, and I think it’s important for everyone to have at least one thing in their life that they do just for the joy of it. It’s okay to let work be work, and play just be play. And I say this as a person who has monetized one of my hobbies; I love true crime and forensic psychology, and I co-host a true crime podcast that has recently had a huge surge of popularity and is on the cusp of being monetized. I could write an entire post about the mental health side of being a creator with a public online presence, but in a nutshell, turning my podcast from a hobby into a business has required me to take it a lot more seriously, and it now falls more into the category of “work” than it does “fun”. My enjoyment of life requires that some of my other hobbies - like playing music - just stay un-monetized hobbies. Let yourself create and do things that don’t have economic value. 
Don’t compare yourself to what you see on social media. I have had both personal friends and followers on this blog tell me that they feel bad about themselves because their life doesn’t measure up to what they see on Instagram, or because they feel that their own lives would not be worthy of posting online. This is a toxic mindset to get into. The things you see on social media are not reality, no matter how much they appear to be - people put incredible amounts of effort into carefully cultivating an online persona that makes them look more productive and accomplished than they actually are. I have a brother who who is a somewhat successful Instagram “influencer”, alongside his more successful girlfriend, and I could write an entire post about the lengths they go to to fake having perfect lives on Instagram, and the toll that their Insta careers are having on their mental health. If you are looking to be a more productive version of yourself, it’s best to steer clear of “motivation” from people who are paid to pretend to be successful online. 
Set measurable, achievable goals. Goals like “be healthier” and “do more stuff” won’t get you anywhere - they are so vague that it’s not possible to tell when you’ve actually achieved them, or how much progress you’ve made. If you want to be more productive and feel like you’re getting more done, you need to set goals that can actually be worked towards and checked off when they are done. Instead of “go to the gym more”, aim for “go to the gym 5 days per week” as your end goal, and start with a solid couple of months with “go to the gym at least once per week”, and slowly increase from there. If you’re aiming for something big like “have an awesome job”, break that down into medium-sized goals like “finish an undergrad degree”, and then break that goal down even further into “hand in all my assignments on time this semester”, and break that down further into “write the first 10 pages of my paper by the end of the week”. Set tiny goals for yourself that you can easily achieve, and that will gradually accumulate into big accomplishments. 
Remember that slow progress is better than no progress. If you write one sentence per day, it is going to take you a really long time to write a novel. It will take you a whole lot less time, however, than if you get overwhelmed at the thought of writing a novel and never write at all. Sometimes you need to break goals down into steps so small that they also seem not worth doing. It can feel a little silly to congratulate yourself for things like “brushed my teeth today” and “texted someone back today”, but those are little habits that add up into bigger things, and giving yourself that positive reinforcement is important. “Greatness” and “success” are not things you achieve all at once, they are made up of tiny habits that you’ve been working on for months or years at a time. 
Take care of your mental health. Not feeling the motivation to do anything, even things that you enjoy, can be a symptom of depression. Everyone beats themselves up from time to time for not being more productive, but if your brain is constantly on a feedback loop of “I’m human garbage and I’m wasting my life”, that’s a pretty serious problem, and a solid sign that it’s time to seek out some professional help. Trying to make major life improvements without addressing underlying mental health concerns is kind of like trying to drive a car without wheels - you’re just not going to get anywhere until you’ve dealt with the obvious problem. 
Remember that setbacks are okay. Even the most highly proactive and high-functioning people have days where they say “fuck it” and order takeout to eat in front of the TV. Everyone occasionally misses deadlines or leaves things to the last minute when they shouldn’t. Everyone shows up late occasionally. These things happen - we are humans, and none of us are perfect. The key to long-term proactivity and productivity, though, is not to let those small setbacks define you, and not to throw away all the progress you’ve made over a bad day or a bad week. Eating healthy six days per week will put you in a much better position than deciding “fuck it, I blew it” after one bad meal and returning to eating unhealthy meals 7 days per week. As the saying goes, don’t let perfect be the enemy of good - in other words, perfection is not attainable, and getting hung up on being perfect will prevent you from achieving many things that are good. The idea is not to be perfect; it’s just to keep striving to be a slightly better version of yourself. 
Best of luck to you!
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holidcy · 4 years
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i am actually embarrassed to say how long this intro too me to write out ? so im not gonna say it ! it’s not like it took be 3 hours or anything 👀 . and for what ? idk because this intro is a mess . but anyways ... i’m mia , i’m a whole twenty years old which really just feels like a glorified teenager but whatever , we’re not here to talk about that right now . we’re here to talk about my lil baby holly . guys she is literally the sweetest human ever ? but also ? to sensitive for her own good and really the good of those around her ? very happy feet energy coming form this girl . but without further ado , below you can read up on holly & if you wanna plot give this a like . also my discord is 𝖒𝖌𝖐'𝖘 𝖜𝖍𝖔𝖗𝖊#9789 if you wanna plot there or just generally chat !
𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐇
full name: holiday elena addams nickname: holly ( she’s basically turned this into her name , not one really calls her holiday ) , holls , elle ( by her parents ) birthday: june 3rd birthplace: chicago , illinois hometown: highland park , illinois ( although the family home was located in highland park her parents would in chicago and holly even attended private school in chicago ) residence: new york city , new york nationality: american ( est. 1999 through birth )  ethnicity: english ( maternal & paternal , 50% ) , polish ( maternal , 25% ) , spanish ( paternal , 25% ) religion: catholicism  orientation: heterflexible ( she claims being straight but in all actually she’s not closed off to anything despite not having much experience outside the opposite gender ) languages spoken: english ( fluent , first language ) , spanish ( fluent , second language ) , polish ( conversation , third language ) , mandarin  ( conversational , fourth language ) . father: leandro oliver addams  ( 49 years old )  was born & raised in chicago , illinois by a politician / businessman & a philanthropist . leandro went on to take a little bit from both of his parents as he is a highly esteemed business tycoon as well as being regarded as one of the most charitable men in the world .  ( relationship:  there has never been a day that has gone by where the two didn’t get along . if there is anyone in this world who gets holly it is her father . truly , daddy’s little girl . the two of them are as thick as thieves . ) mother : susanna renee addams ( nee daniels ) ( 48 years old ) was born & raised in long island , new york . the daughter of a hedge fund investor & a stay at home mother . susanna grew to be an amazing cosmetologist and which the help of her father’s amazing business mind she was able to start up a salon in new york city . she gained the most devoted clientele , loving every second of her work . she took a break for almost a decade before deciding to return to the beauty industry . today she has salons across the globe in chicago , los angeles , toronto , london , and new york city .  ( relationship: susanna often had to play bad cop when it came to parenting and because of this the two butted heads quite often whilst holly was growing up . despite this , her mom is her role model and the two have always had a friendship that underlined their mother - daughter relationship .  ) social class: upper education: attending new york university ( s. 2018 ) she spent her first year of university at usc , she’s majored in creative writing at both universities  career: author ( her book is a coming of age mystery called privilege that she’s recently admitted to writing the full book during a coke binge ) , internet personality , philanthropist , socialite , and student  notoriety: being apart of the prominent addams family , amassing over 32m followers on all social media platforms , publishing a new york times best selling book at the age of seventeen . weight: 120lbs height: 5′5″ hair color: brown ( with blonde highlights ) eye color: brown positive traits: benevolent, high spirited , extroverted , romantic , honest , affectionate , intelligent , friendly , ambitious , passionate , approachable , charming  negative traits: immature , vain , garrulous , critical , sensitive , stubborn , inattentive , naive , sarcastic , obsessive , insecure , impractical , irritable likes: anything strawberry flavored , flowers , driving fast , pink , watching the first snow fall , birthday parties , lips gloss , netflix , sunkissed skin , dogs , peanut butter , agatha christie , redecorating , driving with the windows down , long plane rides , denim jackets , taco bell , orange juice , makeup , sports , female empowerment , online shopping , fresh berries , roller skating , photography , writing , tea dislikes: liars , driving in the snow , coffee , having no siblings , deep water , bad drivers , body shaming , pizza , hateful people , being rushed , cuss words , repetition , disloyalty , being alone ,  horror movies , dentists , silence , cheap perfume , criticism , the unknown , traffic , wine , poptarts ,  small spaces ,  hobbies: reading with a hot cup of tea , video editing in the back of a car , smoking before bed to help fall asleep , going out to eat with her parents , napping , hiding alcohol in her bedroom , painting alternate universe cartoons , attending big soirees , stashing drugs in jewelry boxes , sleepovers with her closest friends , talking the dogs on walks , early morning instagram lives , old disney marathons , scribbling in a notebook while snuggled up in bed  chara inspo: olivia baker ( all american ) , leila faisal ( all american ) , tan france ( queer eye ) , elena gilbert ( the vampire diaries ) , dorothy gale ( wizard of oz ) , lucy pevensie ( chronicles of narnia ) , lara jean ( to all the boys i loved before ) , elle woods ( legally blonde ) , jeffree star , jenny humphrey ( gossip girl ) , cassie howard ( euphoria ) fashion inspo: vsco girls , bella hadid , megan markle , rihanna , selena gomez , perrie edwards , emma watson aesthetics: ghostly sounding music playing as background music to a pen to paper , eyes widened at the chance to do something positive , the annoying beg for approval , infectious energy , a pout so crippling , the swell of regret as you sneak a bottle into your bedroom , tanned skin tousling with silk sheets , big eyes threatening to shed a tear , the zip of a pink mclaren 
𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐄𝐑𝐀
holly is the only child to leandro and susanna addams ( the addams family 👀 ) . she was born with not just a silver spoon but the silver spoon . the addams are a prominent american family , that are regarded as one of the leading industrialist during the gilded age . in short her families been billionaire rich for a long time and are known as one of the families to bring wealth to the city of chicago . she was incredibly spoiled growin gup as you would assume but by the grace of her parents teachings she was anything but a brat . she had being filthy rich and being an only child working against her and she still managed to be the most giving and down to earth child . from a young age holly would give her toys to other kids during play dates & ask her parents if she could donate the things she didn’t use anymore to the less fortunate . 
although her father had a busying career as he took over the family company just a year before holly was born , but in spite of that he always made time for his family . luckily her mother had stepped away from her career soon after meeting holly’s father , so she was able to be a stay at home mom and be there for every important moment of holly’s life . by the way , susanna was straight of of a real housewives show only just an overall better person ? they had dinner together as a family every night , threw parties at the house for every big moment in holly’s life . everything from birthdays , graduations , academic honors , to becoming captain of the cheerleading team and everything in between warranted a celebration in the eyes of susanna and leandro . 
she grew up extremely sheltered , mostly because her parents wanted to keep their little girl well their little girl . they didn’t want the world to taint her . she went to church every sunday and even wednesday nights , if she wanted to have a sleepover it was always at the addams household , and her parents met the parent/s of every kid she befriended growing up . 
despite their attempts her parents couldn’t shield her from one thing . getting her heart broken and at sixteen she experience her first bout of heart break . the boy she’d falling head over heels for just stopped talking to her one day , with no rhythm or reason he moved on to another girl with a blink of an eye . she couldn’t understand why ( pst ? it was because she slept with him and that was all he wanted to begin with ) someone could be so cruel an play with someones heart like that . it was her first experience of how the world could really work and in all honesty , holly couldn’t handle it . she got her hands on her parents bar room in the house and would literally drink every night before bed so she could sleep . 
this soon turned into her going to parties , promising her parents "i just want to hang out with my friend , i wont touch any alcohol” and her promise was always kept , she didn’t touch alcohol at these parties instead she smoke weed and on the chance one of her friends had it on them she’d do a line . 
this double life , if you would , didn’t lead to any real issues , at least not while she was in highschool . she still graduated top of her class  and even got accepted into her dream school university of southern california .  it wasn’t until she was a semester deep in usc that she realized she was losing control over her life . maybe it was a mix of her derailing mental state , being separated from her parents , and the los angeles social make up . whatever it was holly wasn’t too far gone to see she needed help . 
instead of going back to school the following semester holly checked herself into rehab . her parents freaked out , unaware their daughter had touched a substance a day in her life . it was a long process and took alot of owning up for her own wrong doings but after a couple months she checked out of rehab and flew out to her parents .
she had decided upon leaving rehab that her best bet directly after getting out would be to surround herself with people who loved her . during her short stint in california her parents had made the temporary move to new york city so that her mom could focus on the salon in the city , so holly transferred to new york university to continue her studies and be around her parents .
she lives under their roof , despite being more than self efficient thanks to her multiple branches of income including her trust fund but she figures there is only so much more time before they leave to go back to chicago that the more time she spends with them the better off she’ll be when they leave the city . speaking of , she doesn’t know her parents will be leaving the city in the next few months . on a positive note they plan on paying the rent in the apartment they live in for her until she finds somewhere she likes better .   
today , holly is a sober ( she smokes weed here and there but it’s not a addictive so it fine 🙄 ) and happy . although due to how sensitive the girl is anything could make her snap , she’s incredibly fragile guys . like capable of having a mental break at any moment but like we ignore it because if we bring it up it’ll happen . wooo . 
not so fun fact ? when she has an off day she’ll literally sit in her room holding either a bottle she had hidden in her walk in closet or stares at the coke she keeps in her jewelry box . she hasn’t used any of it but she tells herself its there as a reminder when really it’s a crutch for if she ever needs it again , she has easy access .
secret time ? she pushed her ex boyfriend of a balcony while she was drunk . this happened before she went to rehab ... perhaps you could say it was what prompted her to realized her crazy ass needed to go to rehab . ummm , it’s not acceptable and she knows this but one thing we all need to know about holly is that holly + substances + being upset = toxic shit that is always the equation and there is never another answer to it . 
𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍
a girl squad or just a squad in general really , give my baby her lil group of people please
maybe a fellow chicago native ? who she dated in highscool and you know is the one who dropped her like a hot potato after she slept with him
ex hook ups 
frenemies but more like a blair & lil j circa season 1 situation ? 
someone who just doesn’t like her , but like she does everything she can think of to get them to like her 
an unrequited ting were he’s leading her one so he can sleep with her ?
or maybe someone has a crush on holly but she just doens’t have the heart to tell them she’s not interested so now here she is kissing and OMG YUP NOW SHES SLEEPING W THEM ...
someone she races ? she loves cars especially fast ones
a we hang out and watch/obsess over sports but the whole time i can’t help but think about how hot you are kinda vibe ?
someone who is v bad for her and they know it but she doesn’t care because she like them so much & he likes her too but knows he’ll hurt her ?!
someone who sees that she might be teetering on falling off the wagon ( maybe they were over her place and saw the stash of substances all over her room ), maybe they’re trying to get her to stop smoking weed bc they feel like for her that’s a huge gateway  
smoking buddies where they literally just hot box cars together and munch on taco bell talking about why sound vibrates & shit
someone who she used to party with & be wild with ( could be from chi or nyc because she visited alot as a kid ) and now they feel like she’s a lame bc she’s sober
she’s a good influence on them ? they’re a bad influence on her ? ride or dies ? partners in crime ? only friends when there is a substance involved ? sugar baby vibes ? unlikely friends ? flings ? crush ? friends with benefits ? everytime they are around one another its a fight ? someone she lets crash at her parents place sometimes ? someone she’s backstabbed but like she got tricked into doing it ? anything fluffy , anything angsty ... reall just anything you got , i’ll take ! 
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malandi · 5 years
Text
superhero au thoughts
reigen is trying to make it big as a world class hero and mob is his sidekick
teru is a villain terrorising seasoning city by grave misuse of his powers
examples include: snowstorms to cancel classes because he's not confident he's gonna get an A on the upcoming quiz
earthquake in the neighboring city so his favourite heavy metal band would skip that venue and get to seasoning city early
makeup store robbing sprees because he maxed out his credit card for the month
among other shenanigans
reigen is eventually sent to deal with him but his special lecturing kids move is -9999 effective so he deploys mob
teruki arc proceeds as canon
If this is an aged up au:
mob faces the same dilemma as saitama does and seriously reconsiders his career path
he and teru are the rivals
mob decides he wants to be a vet and quits his hero job
the world is shaken but not as much as teruki who suddenly has no purpose in life anymore
he tries to continue being a villain but the other heroes don't give him the same thrill also he's not in love with them so that sucks
teru and mob cross paths not as their hero/villain alters but teru recognizes him and goes feral
you left me you son of a bitch!!!!!!
after mob yeets him into the sky they have a heart to heart talk about what they really want in life
mob straight up tells him it's not healthy to be too dependent on a person
teru's like oh. then mob wishes him luck
teru decides he wants to be a commoner now, to be a peasant, to be an ordinary person~~~~~~
he romanticises catching the next train, paying the bills and doing groceries so much he sells his mansion and his headquarters and rents a cheap apartment
and gasp mob is his roommate!!!! life could not be better and he and mob do normal people things together like sleeping through the alarm and doing laundry and eating cheap food
he doesn't immediately realize that mob is actually poor and not doing this for the aesthetic
mob is surprised that teru's here and he's a bit weirded out by how happy teru is whenever they're threatened to get kicked out for paying the rent late among other misfortunes
ritshou time:
ritsu always wanted to be a superhero like his brother
his views on heroes are warped because he determines their value based on their powers and not by their morals
he's still afraid of his brothers powers because of how they tend to escape him
the ???% incident still took place
when he awakened his powers he decided to become a villain but infringed on teru's territory who knocked him out with a handshake
claw arc proceeds as is so ritsu is okay now and wants to be his brothers sidekick
he is pissed that reigen calls mob his sidekick and would've challenged him long ago if not for his brother
shou is part of a villain org but he thinks his dad is a super lame villain so he's still gunna betray him
he really really really wants ritsu to be his rival so he messes with him a lot
he uses his invisibility powers to sneak into ritsu's classroom, stand behind his seat then call the teacher names so he would get in trouble
then he'd leave a note in ritsu's locker, something like
had enough? think you can handle more?
shou spreads a rumour that ritsu likes this girl and now everyone thinks ritsu has a girlfriend
ritsu doesn't care enough to address it and now shou feels weird
that plan backfired on him big time
next he ties mob's shoelaces together while he's jogging with the body improvement club
ritsu finally snaps, engages in battle and gets his ass kicked
shou is hyped because he thinks ritsu will seek his revenge
ritsu doesn't
shou posts on the villain forums for advice
there's this super cool hero i want him to be my rival but he won't notice me here's a list of the things I've done what more should i do?
teru replies (he's popular on these forums) god SAME these heroes are so annoying ashkdldofif why won't they hate us back
and serizawa comments there like
speaking as an ex-hero, generally we're not really into making rivals, we're just trying to stop crime, at least that's my take on it
shou and the rest of the super 5 only responds with keyboard smashes
AVDKDLDMRKIE??? hxxkdkdnehbw
on god???? for real is this facts??
that's so unsexy im gajskskdje
touichirou posts heroes are lame and immediately gets banned
teru complains who the hell is that touichirou guy he's like so fucking lame but i see him everywhere with his cold takes and he gets so many upvotes he breaks the previous record
shou is embarrassed. this teru guy was internet famous and made the best villain vlogs. he hates his dad so fucking much
shou time:
shou is a very moral guy but legally speaking? hm
he thinks laws are worthless because of how the government is run
laws only apply to the poor but not to the rich apparently and he just had to lmao on that
that's why he agrees to be a villain
but upon seeing that his dad's just the exact same as the current establishment he's like wtf? what's the purpose of overthrowing the government then?
touichirou:......... i get to be in charge
shou has a breakdown over the fact that his dad is an actual child
then he goes to ritsu for help because you're a hero right uwu? you wanna stop my dad?
ritsus like oh okay let me ask my brother he can clean this up real quick
this was not as planned. shou wanted this to be between him and ritsu only. they'd be a rad, fabulous ass kicking pair and when the romantic night of crimefighting was over maybe ritsu would ask him to join his minecraft server
but he says ok because he's not actually a child like his dad is
personally shou thinks the government should still be overthrown and be replaced by, maybe reigen, mob was the best option but he hasn't even graduated high school yet so that could be a bit of a problem
but anyone's better than his dad so for now he leaves the government uprising alone
serizawa time:
he was fed anti-hero propaganda by touichirou
there were some actual good points there like how the top heroes did things for money and reputation now and how they viewed people as a means to an end instead of actual humans
and threats that his powers would only be abused by the government
but if he joined touichirou he wouldn't be controlled
100% friendship still happens
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spacejew · 5 years
Text
oops accidental personal post I guess
It's weird that I almost feel the need to go here to personal blog again because of a handful of irl friends following what was supposed to be a private personal Twitter in theory, just for like, idk, internet strangers and friends I made online not those imported from meatspace. Also those character limits... Suffocating.
Anyways yeah things are kinda stable but dissapointing lifewise? I'm definitely in a rut and stuck somewhere I'm desperately trying to get out of. Also like. idk. Gender shit. I think I really fucked myself over hard when I made the decision a few years back to conviously bottle up all my dysphoria and trans feelings and bury them and repress them hard and just live as a very gay and feminine bi boy and like. hm. I think I've been happy since? But im thinking now that maybe. Because that's still a part of my psyche that haunts me every day. I might actually have been mildly depressed this whole time and like, still struggling to make important life decisions because of the anxiety of that. Idk. Maybe if I got a therapist and realistic attention to that all those years ago and it turned out to be very real n legit and i got to make tough choices and live my truth, I would be equipped now to actually be joyful and able to fully focus on hard work and taking risks and putting myself out there and being successful and shit. Idk idk idk. I just have to wonder if all this time I've actually been quite unhappy and filling the void with dumb shit and a good deal of dissociation and complacency. Idk. what I'm saying is maybe I made a big mistake there lmao and could've started transitioning, if that's right for me, 4-7 years ago maybe, who knows. Haha so fun. Fuck me. Big Regrets, lads. But also I still don't know if that's right. Which probs means it is who am I kidding. Oof. But it's ok life is a journey I'm full of wise shit and I know it's not the end of the world. It just kinda. Makes me so sad on behalf of the old me who would cry so much because of dysphoria and living in this body in this life. She knew. I don't know why I buried her alive like that. Anyways.
I spent all year struggling to make an animated short (which ended up being kinda long tbh like 10 minutes?) by myself mostly, just me and my mental blocks and executive dysfunction and shit, but I was v passionate about it and worked hard and got to actually bring a whole vision to life, with basically nobody to tell me what to do, just give me feedback that I wasn't obligated to follow. It came out pretty nice and I'm very happy that I got to tell exactly the story I wanted and try a cool new look and I just wish I gave myself more time to work on the actual animation part but I put my heart and endless weeks and months of refinement into the storyboarding and script and every little detail and I really feel accomplished and like it paid off -- and I even got to do a private screening at my summer camp job that I was called in to do one more time at the last minute right when I finished my film, it was a miracle and so perfect, everyone cried and truly loved it and felt touched by it. And then I went to animation festivals! And all this cool shit! But... I haven't been able to figure out a public screening thing yet. And I feel like all my excitement is gone now. And I really wanted to polish the look and some backgrounds a little, just some very quick rerendering and comp, but. I feel like too much time has passed, i just feel dissapointed. I haven't put it online yet cause I haven't done my public screening, cause of my stupid anxiety about little details and overall idk imposter syndrome I guwss I feel more ashamed of it than proud of it even tho it's probably good, and like I feel that everyone was excited to support me but probably nobody cares anymore.
Basically I had all the wind taken out of my sails. Oh and right when I was trying to get it off the ground I guess and push through, my grandma died. I'm so heartbroken I loved her so fucking much and. She never got to see the film cause of my stupid bullshit. I feel so bad about that. So so bad. Ugh. And it's a film very very hilariously blatantly directly based on me and my feelings and my real family history, ultimately besides other main themes it's about talking to your grandparents and family about the past and your current feelings. And in it the main character, a girl, cough cough even though it's basically me, cough cough go figure, gender shit, anyways the climax is her going back in time to talk to her great grandma, and it's very emotional and my best friend of like almost 10 years now composed and recording a music for that scene for me. And now when I eventually screen this, my entire family and also myself is gonna get torn to shreds by this scene more than intended because my own fucking grandma, who I was excited to show this film to more than anyone on earth, passed so unexpectedly without seeing it. Fuck. Why didn't I send it to her when she was in the hospital? Obviously cause if I did that that would make it real and she wouldn't get better and all I do is live in denial. Ugh. Anyways yeah. The point is I'm stagnant and in a rut right now and just want to move forward and focus on making new work and just get a real career relevant job already. Tough year hit a well needed high and now petering off back into misery. Not to be dramatic. I'm ok tbh I have a part time I'm slowly getting sick of and a loving supportive partner and some very good friends, tho not as many as I used to see regularly and that's kinda sad too. That's your 20s babey.
I just need to move on and make big changes. My pattern rn is like. Work fri-sun, if I'm lucky I get to hang out with friends or lovers, usually at least with my partner. on monday I recover from working. on tuesday I have dnd and usually get some stuff done but honestly just catch up on warframe with my clan friends. wednesday my partner and I got to the park and library for half the day and eat and draw and talk. on thursday I mentally prepare for work again and usually we go out to play another roleplaying game with her roommates friends. a lot of that free time that's been left unmentioned is spent being over at bae's sometimes so I don't have the ability to get much work done. Lately I've spent most of my time planning a dnd campaign which is fun but also too stressful on account of obviously I'm not playing it yet so like what's the point, sorry friends who have patiently waited for months for me to be ready to start the game for them. And also like. Yeah idk. just sad and confused and resting my weary heart and body after a very rough month after my grandma passed. But! I did accomplish a very crazy deep cleaning of my room. I threw out 14 bags of shit at the least. I wish I weighed it all, it was a lot. I feel so much more organized and cleansed from that. For the record I didn't have any trash in my room, nor was it every a mess. Just every single cabinet and drawer was crammed full of stuff and I guess I hoarded a lot of shit. I was able to throw away a lot of things I held on to be cause of sentimentality and I'm proud of myself for growing that way. So like. Idk. It's not all bad, baby steps. I still feel like I'm constantly improving as a person! I'm positive, optimistic. Just tired, anxious, and feel bad.
Also I finally got a new phone and because of my hubris I dropped it without a case and it shattered only two weeks in. The day I was gonna buy a case. But it's ok. Story of my life I guess. I can't keep everything pristine and polished forever, one day shit falls and breaks but it's still usable. It has character.
I wasn't expecting to dump everything like this, sorry yall. Thanks for reading I guess. Also I forgot how to do a read more on mobile lol sorry
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