#im too afraid to tag them in fanarts now

[dianagj-art]

Is there Oneion facts we can know about?

THIS HAS BEEN ON MY DRAFTS FOR SO LONG OMG IM SO SORRY, HERE'S SOME FACTS ABOUT THE BABY BOY

(the baby boy in question is ten years older than me)

I'm gonna go canon stuff first, then some fun crossover stuff:

The version that I'm using is 35-ish years old (a few years before the movie events), he's been the leader of the resistance for around a decade

He still has all his brothers and loves them very much, would kill and die for them

Way more chill than One is right now, still a beast on combat

One can manipulate vines only using the seeds Draxum makes, Oneion can summon them at will from the ground with little issue

In the story he mostly goes by Leo now, very few people call him One (but lets keep calling him Oneion to avoid confusion)

The protesis he uses is an old one from Raph, but he outgrew it and gave it to Oneion when he lost his arm. It was a bit ridiculously big for him at the time, it's still a *little* too big for Oneion, but by the time he's 40-something (movie events) its gonna fit right in

The scarf he has is not the same One has, but as One's it was a gift from Draxum, he has carry the same scarf the whole apocalypse

Still has a lot of gold accents on his clothes

He's still the best fighter out of the four turtles

He loves being around kids but doesn't, he's afraid of hurting them. He knows he didn't had a normal childhood but is not 100% aware of what part was normal and ok and what part is not, and he rathers not take a chance and do something wrong.

He ends up enjoying teaching martial arts, tho he doesn't like being called sensei, and he wont spar with anyone bellow his level (again, being afraid of hurting them)

Casey Jr becomes the exception to these

Crossover stuff!

he can and will beat the shit out of One, he knows how much One can take so he's not really worried about that

when the apocalypse started he basically lost contact with the multiverse, so no fun crossovers for him. Until by the power of "@intotheelliwoods started doing fanart of Oneion before I even had finished his design" he had access to the multiverse again!

First of his "old frieds" he saw was Poptart and Sprout (2al huggy leos) and first thing he did was to hug Sprout<3 (well, he first kinda yelled at him but I'll draw that some day)

I don't think he has met again with the rest of the separated council? I don't remember if I've stick him in any crossover situations

he loves hugging Poptart, he's teddy bear size<3 and he'll never get tired of calling him his friend and loving him "the way he deserves" because he still hasn't forgive himself for the shitty way he treated Poptart (dont worry about it)

he fucking destroyed the attempt of a slau/2al crossover time line

he says he's fine by it but he keeps bringing up the "jawbreaker" incident, I dont think he got over it, actually

he hangs out with Sprout a lot

something something, being with Sprout makes him feel like a kid again, and it makes Sprout feel like a kid again because Oneion reminds him of Big Leo

Sprout and Oneion have a spa day, they deserve it<3 they also go shopping together. Also, they are not exactly good at cooking but they try and they love working together on the kitchen

Oneion got the "Oneion" nickname by Sprout and Poptart

he stronk. he can lift Sprout with no problem, and even Toast

if you wanna have a good time scroll down the besties tag on ell's blog or mine (2)

[doubledeadstudio]

OK SO IM GENUINELY CURIOUS!!! When Black needs to brush his teeth, does he brush all of them?? Like does he unfurl his little mouth flaps??? Follow up question, does he even know how to do that or does it just HAPPEN?? Also when he eats, do his like mouth flaps open and he like suck/bites like an octopus?? Honestly idk how to explain it, like, how would one even chew with a mouth like that?? These are really dumb questions feel free to ignore them. I just finished playing your amazing game and I am now actively hyperfixated on it, genuinely one of the best demos I have played in a long ass time. I can't wait to see more! In the meantime I'll be coming up with dumb theories and drawing HEAPS of fanart

THIS... is actually an excellent question. I didn't think of this.

My answer with this is that the teeth aside from his human ones function closer to the bones inside of our bodies, but is able to be protruded. And that the function of the flap is to wrap around the target, and rip it from multiple angles for consumption. I actually have it in mind that he's able to break up his face more dynamically.

I don't know when I'll bring this up tbh, because Black's afraid of opening up his face like that because he's unsure if he can put it back together. But Black isn't a standard zombie (as you guys can guess). His status is much stranger.

He knows how to use it now. It's actually second nature to him, like the way we don't need to be taught how to jump and flex our muscles. Black was very athletic when he was human, so he adjusts to how it much faster than anyone else would too.

Also, thank you so much! Please tag me when you make fanart, I would love to see ittt.

EDIT: Also forgot to mention, but Black can pick out how much teeth he wants to use. In an upcoming update, he can do stuff like just make efficient vampire fangs. His condition is very dynamic!

[iraprince]

Heyo! Any advice on struggling to get your art seen in the world? I feel like no matter how much I post, or what I post, people never see it or seem to like it. I love art and am pursuing it as a career (hence why Im getting a degree in it currently lmao) but its kind of disheartening to work really hard on something, post it, and no one sees it.

oh, man. i'm afraid for this one i don't feel like i have a lot of solid advice. having a large-ish following online feels like something that kind of just, like, Happened to me, mostly on accident/in ways outside of my control, and even if i had some ideas on how to potentially replicate those gains i don't think they'd work consistently. (also, a lot of my large jumps in follower count came from mental health related work going viral bc it's #relatable; this is something i have complicated feelings about and it's absolutely not a viable, like, "strategy" or something that i would recommend, in the way that ppl can say like, "fanart gets attention!" or stuff like that.)

so, i don't have advice for how to actually GET those eyes on your art; i can maybe help with making ppl more likely to STAY once they do find you, and how to build a following that will actually help you maintain a living from your work -- bc i have TONS of peers w a following a fraction of the size of mine who get more jobs than me, are doing cooler/more "professional" stuff than me, etc! (heads up that most of my experience is on twitter; i know less than nothing about places like instagram + tiktok, and while tumblr functions very differently from twitter i feel like i handle things mostly the same here, aside from doing less personal posting/being less talkative and not 'networking' or following many people).

SCROLLING BACK UP TO ADD A SPOILER ALERT: AS ALWAYS I HAVE SAID "HAHA IDK I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY ADVICE" AND THEN PROCEEDED TO TYPE A FULL ESSAY. IF YOU ARE ON DESKTOP YOU CAN HIT THE 'J' KEY TO SKIP THIS POST. IF YOU'RE ON MOBILE, I'M SORRY

a very important thing, especially professionally: it HAS to be easy to see what you do. (this is easier here on tumblr, where u can have a designated art tag etc, than on twitter, which is an awful website that sucks. <- guy who makes all his money on twitter) this means, like -- if i see something from you and get curious and click your profile, it should only take one more click to quickly see at least SOME of your art. on a professional account, it's probably best for your icon to be your own work, something snappy and memorable and eye-catching that reads well at a small size; people shouldn't have to dig for 20 minutes before they can start browsing your art. on twitter, this means TRY not to gunk up your media tab with a ton of reaction images/screencaps of your gacha pulls/etc; on here, it means make your art tag easy to find; on any website, a portfolio link, prominently displayed, is the best bet. (i am still working on that one myself lmao and i've been working professionally full time for a few years now so like, there are outliers and wiggle room on all of this).

next! it's great when your audience finds you, but you have to find them, too. find artists who do similar stuff to you and get into their stuff -- sincerely, not just as "networking." (like only do this with ppl whose stuff you actually think is cool, not just trying to get in mutuals with everyone you see in hopes of a bump, obviously.) get interested in other indie artists, find the people who are working/publishing in the spaces that are exciting and aspirational for you, and support them! i don't want it to sound cynical when i say there's a kind of give-and-take built into this; the point is not "well, if i reblog/retweet a bunch of YOUR stuff, maybe you'll feel obligated to boost mine in return," but that when you find other artists/creatives who are on the same wavelength as you, you will naturally stumble into pools of people who want to support art like yours, and you and your newfound peers will help each other when you hype each other's stuff up and direct followers to each other! (again re: things going differently on dif websites: this is twitter-specific for me, bc i use my tumblr as a gallery/portfolio. that doesn't mean it doesn't happen here tho! it can and does happen everywhere!)

it is really not a competition. i know that SOMETIMES it is in like, a really nitty-gritty numbers sense; people only have so much money to spare, they will make choices about whose patreon they can afford/what comic to buy/etc, that's true. but to me that's not competition. people who are sincerely into your stuff will hang on until they can afford it; maybe that means someone follows you for two whole years before the planets align and they have the budget/opportunity to commission you. by hanging out in similar circles you are not taking potential business or opportunities away from anyone else, nor are you risking leading your own audience to Someone They'll Like Better; you're just offering more options, and the internet is VAST and endless, and EVENTUALLY people will show up who are into YOUR STUFF, SPECIFICALLY. helping each other is never going to stifle or delay that!!

and my final chunk of advice is the one i give constantly that everyone is probably super sick of hearing but i just seriously seriously believe in it, even tho i know it's slow to pay off and hard to follow: keep doing exactly what you want to. keep doing it!!! you have to!!! yes, i mean the stuff that's getting like, 2 likes and 0 reblogs! the stuff that 'nobody likes!'

earlier i mentioned i have gotten big follower bumps from like adhd comics and stuff like that going viral. the thing is that, from a professional standpoint: my follower count has like, more than quintupled from where it was at a few years ago; my patreon income has absolutely NOT quintupled lmfao. it has less than doubled, over that same period of like... i wanna say over 4 years. that's still good, i'm grateful for it, and i owe a lot of it to the sheer numbers game (the more ppl see ur work, the more likely it is you'll reach someone who decides to support you), but there is absolutely not an actual direct correlation between numbers and career success/stability.

where there IS a direct correlation is between "people who give a shit about the art i really truly love making" and "people who like my art enough to support me professionally." HUGE chunks of the followers i get any time something goes viral slough off over time; there's nothing wrong with that, they just follow me bc something was funny/interesting and end up realizing my work's not actually their thing. but the ppl who follow me bc they're into all the stuff i post most consistently, the stuff i care about and am passionate about, stick around. and i would not have found them if i wasn't posting the shit i care about!

out there there are people who will be 100% crazy about the stuff that is 100% what you want to make. it's like actually statistically impossible for there not to be. the more niche your thing is, the longer it will take to find them, but they absolutely exist. but if you give up before you find them -- if you start saying, "well, i'll put in 50% of this idea that i love, but the other 50% is too weird and nobody's gonna like it and it'll flop" -- well, in that case, you can only ever find the ppl who are 50% into what you do. don't fuck yourself like that!! you cannot deny yourself the possibility (the INEVITABILITY!!! IMO!!!!!) of finding the people who will 100% get what you're doing.

so: on a pragmatic level, i'm sure there will be ppl who disagree with me on this, and who think it's absolutely mandatory to do fanart as a crowd draw or learn about algorithms and posting times and get on tiktok and do the visibility grind and everything and that it's stupid and irresponsible to tell people not to. i'm sure it's also easy to point out that i'm speaking from a place where i now have more eyes on my stuff than i know what to fucking do with so maybe i'm just totally out of touch and being naive or something. but for me the most important part of doing art now, ESPECIALLY as a career, is to keep loving it and to believe in what i'm doing and to build an audience that cares about the same things i do. and i think it is really really vital to make that your top priority. bc if you don't, then even if you DO crack the code to suddenly getting tons of notes on everything etc -- will you even keep wanting to do it?

this job is hard. it's lonely, in my experience; i spend so much time sitting in front of my computer alone. it's unstable, which is stressful and can be frightening. it's emotionally taxing, for me, because art is so important to me that it's hard to set boundaries and separate my identity from it and actually treat it like a job. it has taken me a long time to find success doing this; maybe i could have gotten there faster if i had tried to find ways to draw an audience specifically, but i think if i had somehow managed to get a big patreon following/tons of commissioners/etc by doing something formulaic or doing stuff that specifically gets tons of attention, but isn't what's natural for me -- i don't think i would have lasted very long that way. this is already hard and complicated enough; i don't think it's sustainable to give up any unnecessary ground on doing exactly what you're passionate about, bc at least in my case, that's mandatory for this even being a livable career for me. i would burn out and decide to do something else very quickly if the only way to succeed was to chase numbers/engagement.

doing it this way is very slow. if i hadn't been able to lean on family/my wife while starting up, i would have had to have a day job for much longer (like, years, probably) while saving up and preparing to go full time; for as long as you struggle to get traction, it may mean going full time has to be on the backburner. but the thing is that there's nothing wrong with that, it's the reality for the vast majority of us (from what i've seen) -- and you'll eventually build a career that can last way longer, i think.

okay oh my god i'm done. sorry about that. like i said this job is pretty lonely and i sit here all day and think about this stuff and then generally do not talk about it with anyone until somebody asks me about it and then i repeat myself at length again. like i did here. anyway have a good night sincerely and i hope some part of this was helpful!!!

[taxkha]

Hi :3

Klapollo sleep headcanons?

Do they share custody of pets yes or no

What are your love language headcanons for each of them?

How did you discover the ship and why do you like it?

What are your post aa4 headcanons? or post aa6 if you consider 5 and 6 to be canon (since i know some people don't). So like apollo justice 2 headcanons

1. Before they actually go to sleep, Apollo likes to take up all of the space in their bed to annoy Klavier and Klavier then has to wrestle him to go over to his side but in the end they always fall asleep on the same side. Klavier has tons of photos of sleeping Apollo on his phone and he thinks he looks adorable. Apollo has terrible bed head. Apollo gets cold easily so he tends to sleep in Klaviers sweaters, especially in winter.

2. absolutely

3. I think mostly just spending time together and a looot of physical touch, I see Klavier as being a very touchy person which Apollo is not used to at first but that quickly changes.

4. I started playing Apollo Justice in December last year and I think I got to the third case and I really enjoyed their dynamic so I started browsing the Klapollo tag on tumblr a little because I did know the ship existed before playing the game and thought that its a sweet ship, but I then accidentally restarted the turnabout serenade episode because my emulator was being a bitch and then I was too demotivated to continue until uh. the end of February where I finally picked it up again, played through turnabout serenade AGAIN and the rest of the game and then I went straight back to browsing the tag on both tumblr and ao3 and yeah, I started drawing fanart and now look at me

5. So I havent finished AA5 yet so I also havent played AA6, yet but I do know what happens and. I'm not that big of a fan of what they did to these 2, sobs.

I just typed out something something which is irrelevant now because I just remembered that I drew a fanart about Klavier being convicted of murder and Apollo defending him and THATS my hc for AJ2, dual destinies and spirit of justice be damned.

The rough idea for this story I currently have for this case would be that someone whos connected to both Klavier and Kristoph, maybe a former colleague/mentor of Kristoph or something? Anyway, this person has had some shady things going on for a long long time that Klavier has spend a long time finding out more about, similar to Mia with Redd White. So this guy ends up killing someone and he frames Klavier and for reasons unknown to even me because I havent thought that far yet, Klavier isnt willing to reveal any informations and he absolutely does not want Apollo to get involved because that person is very dangerous and when Apollo insists Klavier actually snaps at him and asks him to please just let it go, but Apollo of course doesnt. He ends up talking about this with Phoenix and phoenix then calls in a favor with Edgeworth. Edgeworth is very fond of Klavier and gets along well with him and obviously doesnt want one of his best prosecutors be put in jail for a murder he didnt commit, so he lets Apollo into Klaviers office to find the files revolving around this person Klavier seems to be so afraid of. This is all I have so far but maybe Im gonna think some more about it.

Anyway, aside from that I like to think that Apollo, Klavier, Trucy and Ema become a very tight and close friendgroup that constantly give each other shit for everything. Oh and also Phoenix finally tells Trucy and Apollo that they are siblings.

[wally-the-friendly-puppet]

🍎👻WH: Casper (1995) AU👻🍎

Creator: wally-the-friendly-puppet (me)

Yes, I am making a Welcome Home AU. Not sure what to call it, probably “Wally the Friendly Puppet” or something like that.

It's an AU of the 1995 movie Casper, they are not high school kids, but instead will be college kids to age them up. Wally will take the place of Casper, and Y/N will take the place of Kat. Home will either be Carigan or Casper's father, but I'm still deciding. Im not too sure about the other characters since the three ghosts, Casper's uncles, are kinda mean. They'll probably Sally, Julie, and Barnaby; Sally being Stretch, Julie being Stinkie (she doesn't stink don't worry lol), and Barnaby being Fatso. They'll just pull pranks and not actually be mean to Wally (he means too much to me for his friends to bully him 😭)

Eddie will be Dr. Harvey, Kat's father. So, yes, he will be your father in this AU. I figured that since Eddie is kinda clumsy and a nervous wreck, he'd be perfect for this character. Frank, sadly, will be Dr. Harvey's deceased wife, Emilia (it hurts me to make Frank dead. But if I had a nickel every time in an AU that both Frank and Eddie were married, but Frank is dead and Eddie is alive, I'd have two. Which is not a lot but it's weird that it happened twice *cough* corpse puppet *cough cough*).

Howdy will be playing Ben the college boy (don't worry he's nice in this role unlike Ben in the movie). Poppy will be a teacher at the college (teaches cooking and sewing). I'll have to make an OC for the bitchy girl that I forgot her name who is rude to Kat (Y/N in this AU).

🍎👻Here's the cast!:👻🍎

Y/N-Kat

Wally-Casper

Eddie-Dr. James Harvey (Y/N's dad)

Frank-Emilia (Eddie's deceased husband and Y/N's father)

Sally-Stretch

Julie-Stinkie (she doesn't stink lol)

Barnaby-Fatso

Howdy-Ben (college student)

(WIP OC)-rude college girl who doesn't like Y/N

Poppy-College professor (teaches cooking and sewing)

Home-(WIP) (Possibly Carigan or Casper's father)

Here are the rules for this AU:

Do's ✅:

-Fanart- I'd love to see art of this AU but keep it respectful, please. If you do make fanart and want me to see it of my AU, or just of my Sona, please tag me in it and credit me as the creator of the AU.

-Ask questions if you don't understand- It's okay if you don't know something too well, don't be afraid to ask (I think the best thing for you do to is to watch the movie for yourself to understand a but more).

-Fanfiction- As I said, I would love to see different types of art with this, not just drawings and sketches. If you do make fanfiction, please tag me in it to see it and credit me for the AU.

Don'ts 🚫:

-NSFW- I am a minor and not comfortable with this. Please keep it 13+. If I catch you making any NSFW art of my AU, I will block you. The same goes for me; if I catch you drawing any NSFW about my Sona, I will block you.

-Homophobia or Transphobia- I am a part of the LGBTQ+ community. So for you to disrespect the community, you are disrespecting me as well. I will warn you not to do this, but if you don't stop, I will block you. I don't want to harm anyone of the Welcome Home fandom.

-Racism- If I catch you saying anything rude or racist or white-washing any characters (if I ever do human fanart of them), I will block you. I don't want to harm any person of a different skin tone or race in the Welcome Home fandom and in general.

-Pedophilia- I know there characters in this AU are aged up for this reason, but there will be some children characters now and then. If I catch you saying anything inappropriate about the kids, I will block you. The same goes for me; if I catch you saying anything inappropriate about my Sona, I will block you.

-Tagging- I want to be tagged in stuff about my AU and fanart, but I don't want to be tagged in anything unrelated to Welcome Home, my AU, or anything awful. Please don't do that.

(This may change later on as this AU grows more. Please follow these rules and we'll be fine 🥰)

[cosmica-galaxy]

hey there, cosmica, how you doin? hope you’re fine. i just wanna drop by and say smt. anyways, this is dally speaking here, pardon for the anon, im a bit uncomfortable bringing up this topic.

i know you mean well, and i know you like my purgatory mode series, and even drew fanart of it, which i appreciate.

but im truly sorry having to go here and telling you that- but i really would like if you could uh- you know, stop associating your god purgy with my series. if that even makes sense. (sorry, english isnt my first language)

again, im really sorry having to burst bubbles. i do appreciate your design on the player, i really do.

but….i think it would be better if you would make her your own player, rather than associating her with my stories, even if you’re inspired by it.

i know you’re changing her backstories and all, but would it be okay if you could also change her name too? perhaps its too much, but i think purgy would pass off as another kind of player rather than just being stuck in purgatory mode series because you got inspired by it. (im sorry if i sound like im bargaining)

i have my personal reasons on why im doing this, and i dont normally do this tbh. its not that because i have a dislike on the god readers troupe, i actually quite enjoy them. ive written some stuff there that are based on my life, and also doing the series as a coping mechanism, as well as other stuff contributing to it.

i know god players are kinda popular here, but i truly dont want my series to be apart of this until im comfortable enough to allow it, or until i write far enough in the pm au to give the ok. even if its your version of purgatory player.

like i said, i appreciate and love your design on purgatory player, but i feel like this is just going too far in the god players au.

i think your purgy can be better off being her own player rather than just a player in purgatory mode au.

as much as i want to allow you to keep her name, im afraid i have to ask you to stop. purgatory mode is more than just another au of saltys self aware au to me, since i kinda add snippets of my struggles here and there- like telling two sides of a story if you squint your eyes really hard.

i really dont want this to be another incident i had to suffer last year. so thats why im here, before things get worse.

if you’re struggling about naming her, i’d be happy to help. just drop by in my inbox anytime even doe it’ll take a long time for me to reply ^^ (dont dm me doe, i get socially awkward in the dms and also uncomfortable)

again, im sorry to come here and ruin your party. i didnt mean it to happen.

-dallyfae

I understand and it's perfectly okay to explain your reasoning and set boundaries.

I've been actually trying to abide by your wishes, as I've been searching through the tags to edit the God!Player stuff and remove your tags from them and even made a post addressing how you felt about it and how I was trying to remedy it, since you desire to not be associated with the God!Players AU. I've even been trying to rename Purgy. I still like the name, but I think it would be fitting to change it. But people already associate the name with my design, so there's going to be some difficulties altering it. I've also been trying to change her backstory to instead become the god of grunt reincarnation rather than purgatory, just to further separate the AU and end most similarities. It's just a habit that I keep calling her Purgy, and she is also now considered an original character to me. As well as making them different and set purely into the God!Player AU, Purgy won't have connections to Purgatory AU anymore. I'll be trying my best to cut the ties and change up the character. So no hard feelings. : )

[nidailylife]

8.13.2023. I feel like i keep venting too much on my main blog, forgetting i have this sideblog.

My main blog is supposed to be about fandom stuff. ...Unfortunately, a lot of my meltdowns and mental crisises are about famdom stuff. (I dont have too much else in my life. Too much social anxiety.) I must be scaring people on my fandom blog. No wonder even some of my favorite arists blocked me. 😥

Maybe i just need to get back to journaling offline. But it can be a hassel to boot up my computer. And once i turn it on, i often forget to turn it off. It's going to wear out too soon. Sometimes it's just easier to write on Tumblr. It's been so much more dependable than other apps I've tried in the past. Apps that lost everything when my phone died. Like all those notes i took of my symptoms when the pandemic first started. I wish i could still reference those. So many habit trackers that just got bugs and messed up my notes too. Tumblr is just more reliable. And it's not like I'm followed by non-bots anyway (except for maybe like 2 or 4 people). Maybe i should just have a private Tumblr for my journalling and venting. But i never remember the passwords for private sideblogs. And writing my hand is unsustainable for me. There's always too much i want to write and not enough stamina in my hands.

Anyway, i got really annoyed over a fictional character, almost for the entirity of yesterday. I dont want to delete my ranting posts, because those are important personal fandom records for me. But it's also pretty ridiculous, embarassing, and unnecessarily hostile. But you cant Archive tag search private posts. So i went back and hid all my ranting posts under cuts. I just hope leaving my rants posted publically doesn't make me the infamous crazy fangirl they talk about behind my back or on other platforms. ...But it's alwaysba possibikity because I AM a crazy fangirl.

I just feel so stuck as an artist, when all i want to draw and make merch for is my OTP...but Ive probably destroyed my reputation in the fandom. I can't be confident about opening an online shop or selling stickers or especially networking and advertising my art/merch, when i know the fandom i make art for, probably hates me, ON TOP of my illustration skills being objectively bad. But "small business artist" is my only career/financial option right now. And I'm destroying it by expressing my fandom.

The other day, someone poated a list of things to do to have a good reputation online, for small business artists, or maybe it was for people in general. One point was to not post opinions about anything (especially political). I'm a human being. Is that really possible to do?

I keep thinking about rebranding, separating my past fangirl self from my art business. But i hit a wall when i realized almost all my art is attached to my fandoms. Even if i changed my online name brand, it'd be too easy to anyone to find my art also on my art blog or fangirling blog, then realize i eas that crazy fangirl with a ruined reputation. How can i feel confident, sinking hundreds of dillars, making merch out of my fanart, and then advertising it to the corresponding fandom communities, when even a rebrand may not save me. I used to be so hopeful that a rebrand could free me from all my worries. But if you need to advertise your art, it's too easy to use that very art to track my old identity. I really feel trapped and stuck, and unable to move.

...But i guess that's usual with my frequently catastrophizing brain. I still dont know what to do tho. Im still too afraid to open that online shop or advertise my merch.

I think about rebranding to only my original art, cut ties with fandom when it comes to my small art business. But I've watched too many marketing vids to know that not piggybacking off a preexisting community, is the opposite of smart. ...but ive ruined my rep with them...i think...

Just feeling trapped. Paralyzed. Too afraid.

And journalling on Tumblr. Tho even that is stressing me out, in a way, too, i guess.

[to-be-deleted]

Here's a DBD x Crypt TV fanmade collection I made bc i love both universes, the only downside to the Crypt TV collection we got is that there's a Birch skin so we'll never get a Birch chapter even tho it would have been really really cool :'(

[smells-like-mettaton]

If you’re still doing character asks, maybe mettaton and spamton?

oh good im currently being emo about mettaton in this chilis tonight

Mettaton

First impression

Ok. So. Mettaton was the only character that I actually knew about before playing undertale, on account of a pal cosplayed box!mettaton for halloween once. So I knew he was a killer robot TV show host and that was it. My first impression of him in the game though was that he was hilarious (and also probably evil). Which is what he was going for! Good for him!!

Impression now

He's like, totally my robot husband <3 He is a hot mess and I love him for it. He is still hilarious and has some of my favorite dialogue in the whole game. I was not expecting him to turn into his EX form when i first played and that added a whole other dimension to him. His backstory is wonderful

Favorite moment

When death by glamour hits. honestly though all of them like what. you come into my house and expect me to pick???

Idea for a story

I know I've said the King Mettaton one already, and he actually has a pretty big role in the Megamind Alphyne AU fic I have planned too... a lot of my wips (either started or planned) involve Mettaton. I think I'd like to write deltarune mtt meeting swatch and/or spamton at some point

oh, and if I had time I would really like to write more of his backstory, like how he came to fame after alphys made his body, and how he felt being separated from his family for the first time.

Unpopular opinion

I don't know if it's unpopular, but I like to think that he can dish out the flirting but when it's someone he actually cares about, he absolutely cannot take it.

(Also maybe not unpopular but I think he had a crush on Asgore at one point sdlkafjd)

Favorite relationship

I love Papyton of course but since I already said that, also Alphys & Mettaton!! they are Besties (actually i think i said that in the alphys ask too...) ok for the sake of variety. Mettaton & Undyne. frenemies forever (affectionate rivalry)

Favorite headcanon

He was the one to advertise himself as a robot with an artificial soul, not Alphys. She never came clean about that because she didnt want to out him as ghost!trans.

Spamton

First impression

"oh heck oh no why are there words in this background music am i about to get murdered" and then i did (first death of my ch 2 playthrough lol). Mostly I was terrified and missing all of my party members. But after I got over the being scared i ended up jamming to the battle music and I remember leaving that on while I ate lunch for some reason (i do not remember why I ate lunch in the middle of a boss fight)

Impression now

Popular characters are something that can be so personal actually,, I just think he is super funny and also a really interesting character lore wise. He is still scary in canon so I really appreciate fanon making him even more pathetic (and sometimes hot) because then I am not afraid of him <3

Favorite moment

WHEN THE SOUL TURNS YELLOW. maybe that doesnt count as a spamton moment BUT close enough. i LOST MY FREAKING MIND

Idea for a story

Ralsei gets the dealmaker "fixed" by Malius, leading to Spamton coming back and being Ralsei's horrible uncle figure. Possibly with a Mob & Reigen (mp100)-esque dynamic.

Unpopular opinion

I don't know if it's unpopular but I like how he has so many different interpretations in the fandom. The tiny gremlin man animal ones are the funniest but he has such a range of fanart that is hilarious, spooky, serious, attractive, etc. that its just. its fun. im cringe i can be honest about this [repeats this like an affirmation]

Favorite relationship

Spamton & Swatch (romantic, divorced, or platonic). There is just something so narratively fascinating about them. Spamton keeps wearing their outfit even after he's been mega kicked out. Spamton worships the thing Swatch created. Swatch sells the big shot bowties with spamton's brand tag cut off. There's just so many hints of history and connection between them that are fun to explore

Favorite headcanon

He and Swatch are super divorced. Swatch actually gave him the colored glasses when they were dating, Swatch is just absolutely not going to fess up to that.

[sylveradrake]

Pixel art commissions are open!

Active Slots:

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Frequently Asked Questions (Please Read!):

    [ ? ] Are these all the options you have for commissions?     [ A ] These are primarily just examples of things I've done consistently in the past! If you have a more 'custom' idea, we can certainly discuss it! I've been doing pixel art for over four years, so I have some decent experience, but like every artist I have limits to my current abilities. You can see both my Tumblr and DeviantArt galleries for more examples, including the options for the line styles, animations, and shading!     [ ? ] What ARE all those options under the examples?     [ A ] Hard lines means the piece will have "hard", solid black lines between each "section" of the piece: the outline, and between all the different colors, etc. Lineless means that rather than having that solid black line, I use a slightly darker shade of each color to outline them, like the full body dragon! This gives it a softer, 'lineless' look.     Cell shading means that there's just one color used to shade, rather than a blend. The Kakashi doll on the far left has cell shading: just one color in a hard shape. Smooth shading means what it sounds like: a few colors are blended from dark to light to make the shadows smoother!     I do a few very basic animations for certain dolls or icons when requested. Typically this refers to a one-pixel "bob", and a blink cycle. I can also have a doll open its mouth and bring up a small speech bubble if you'd like them to say something! Please bear in mind that animation takes additional time and effort, and though not required, additional support is appreciated for animated pieces!     [ ? ] Why are there things you refuse to draw?     [ A ] For the most part, it's simply a matter of preference. For others, it's a matter of ability. Some things are just a bit too complex for me to feel I can pull it off in a fashion consistent with the rest of my work, and therefore being worth your money! Hence a limit on complex poses and the number of characters per shot, or complex designs, like mecha. Other things like the ship limitations are just personal preferences that make me uncomfortable. The NSFW ban is mostly due to most hosting sites not liking to host mature artwork...and also a matter of both my ability, and personal preference.     [ ? ] What constitutes NSFW?     [ A ] For me, this includes any nudity that shows genitals - nipples and / or breasts are fine. This also includes anything sexual, including any and all fetishes, even if genitals are not shown. I also do not do heavy gore. I may expand this umbrella term if anything not already covered comes up!     [ ? ] I can't afford a commission, but I'd like to help! What can I do?     [ A ] You can share this comm sheet and / or my art with your friends! Getting the word out might mean finding someone able and willing to order a comm, which of course is a big help!     [ ? ] Do you do requests?     [ A ] Unfortunately, not at the moment. If you'd like me to draw something for you and the comms are open, you're more than welcome to order something! While I do do personal art for myself and for friends, I can't make free art for everyone. In the future I may do something akin to raffles, but for now, we're starting with the commissions!     [ ? ] Can I donate without ordering a commission?     [ A ] You most certainly can, and it's very much appreciated, and would be a huge help! Of course it is NOT an expectation: no one has to donate if they can't or don't want to. But if you just want to throw some general support in to help me keep creating, you're more than welcome, and I'd appreciate it tremendously     [ ? ] Do you accept DeviantArt points?     [ A ] I do not. To put it bluntly, DA points can't pay my bills. I have nothing I need that DA points can buy, so I only work with money. Sorry!     [ ? ] Do you do anything like art trades?     [ A ] For the moment, no - but I might in the future! I'm open to the possibility, but for now (and for this post's purpose), I'm working on commissions! If I ever open up art trades, I'll be sure to make another about it!     [ ? ] How is best to contact you?     [ A ] Any of the above listed social media! Here on DA, please send a note with a subject line about commissions. On Tumblr, you can send an ask (off anon) which I will reply to privately. You can also send an IM! Email also works: just include commissions in the subject line. I do my best to check all of these sites a few times a day, but there may be times where I'm limited. I'll try to post ahead of time so you know why I'm not responding promptly! Otherwise, it could take me about a day to get back to you. Please be patient! I have other responsibilities. I may also take hiatuses if I feel the need. If I go more than a few days without responding and haven't given any warning, there's probably something keeping me from my messages, and I'll do my best to get back to you as soon as I'm able!     [ ? ] What's your policy on refunds?     [ A ] So long as I haven't finished flat coloring your piece, you can get a full refund, of course! But once the piece is lined AND colored, I've put in a good bit of work, so I'm afraid I won't be able to refund you. As stated on the sheet, you can ask for an update on the piece any time! And I will send you the cleaned sketch once it's finished to see if there's anything you'd like changed. Though please bear in mind some things can differ between sketching and lining, especially when shrinking down to pixel. A sketch is a general outline, not the full product!     [ ? ] Are there any other circumstances where you might refuse a commission?     [ A ] Honestly it depends. I hope not to encounter any other reasons beyond my general rules, but I DO retain the right to say no to any commission for any reason, which I don't have to disclose. If I do say no, please respect that decision. It's never anything personal.     [ ? ] Where does the art go once it's finished?     [ A ] Any commissioned art, by default, will be posted to my DeviantArt, my Tumblr, and on Ko-fi! I'll also send you a copy / link through whatever means you contacted me with. If you'd like your art to be private, you need only ask. I will then only send YOU the art, and it will NOT be posted anywhere else. I can also post the art anonymously if you’d like it posted, but your name not attached to it.     [ ? ] How can I use my commission(s)?     [ A ] Any way you like UNLESS it's commercial - in other words, if you make any money using the artwork. Please also do not trade or sell the artwork. Otherwise, feel free to use it for any personal use you'd like! You can also repost the art so long as you provide a link to my original post. If your comm wasn't publicly posted, a link back to any of my social media will suffice! Just always be sure to use proper credit so people know where the art came from! That way they can find my pages, and maybe get a commission of their own!     [ ? ] Do you do fanart?     [ A ] I do! My commissions are all one-off, unique jobs, and I'm hardly about to impact any IP markets. So long as it's a large fandom (no Disney, though - that's one I won't touch), and my art wouldn't greatly impact the profits and livelihood of other creators, I can do fanart. But I DO prefer to do original art! It's great to work with new designs, and help give original characters more art for them! Gimme OCs to draw!     [ ? ] Can you design a character for me, like a custom adoptable?     [ A ] I can! Just bear in mind that I'll need as many details as possible to make something that fits your vision! I'll also need to work with you more than typical to be sure we get it as accurate as possible, so be prepared for a lot of communication until we get it looking as you want!     [ ? ] Can you do gifts - in other words, can I order art for another person?     [ A ] I do, and you certainly can! Just be sure to let me know who the gift is for, so I can tag them! If they don't have any of the social media I use, you can just give me a name or screen name to post with it. A gift will just cost you the same as any art you'd order for yourself! Also please do be sure you have permission to commission art of characters owned by another person!     [ ? ] What do you mean by 'item'?     [ A ] Each individual pixel piece! One lone pixel doll of 150 pixels would be four dollars! But if you want two dolls interacting, it's four dollars EACH. So eight dollars. That's because I still have to sketch, ink, color, shade, and possibly animate EACH doll! Twice the effort means twice the price.

[spadesinglasses]

Love Victor (series)

oooh new format for this post let’s get into itttt.

Below are my reaction per episode. I will be writing them as i finish each so its more clear and fresh and all that jazz.

Let’s see if tumblr posts has a word count limit.

lol wrong title earlier X_X

Note, the #glassthoughts tags is a reaction tag. Its never a review, or an intellectual essay about stuff I watch. I dont have the capacity to do all those.

Spoilers below so beware. Episode 1 is posted separately because I intend to make posts for the first and last epsiode only but that did not work out lol.

EPISODE 2

it took me a looong time to finish this episode. I kept on pausing it because something just feels so wrong about it. I didn’t know what it was when i was going through it, but when it finally ended it finally clicked.

The episode reminds me of the sentiment most homophobes use against gay people. “If you focus on the emotional part of the relationship, you will be happy with the opposite sex.” Growing up ive heard this phrase used against other people so much. Hearing it in my native language has always been a punch in the gut. 

And now this show who is supposed to be something happy and nice, is just having this kind of phrase of mentality just well up there.

I’m sure that its not Victor’s and that he is just exploring his sexuality. But the usual tinge of homophobia whenever he talks that he might be like Simon is honestly grating.

It’s definitely a me issue because other people seem to be enjoying the series immensely, but whenever Victor gets into that headspace, I just hear my child self crying myself to sleep because of internal homophobia.

Also i can see why people say  that for a show that is supposed be about Victor’s sexuality and growth, it does sure show a heck lot of heterosexuality of those who are around him.

Maybe in the future i will rewatch the series again with a more patient mind, but for now, expect me to skip a lot of scenes X_X

End

Episode 3

Okay the audacity of Victor saying “he tries” to be a good friend. Like dang okay chill with the lies. You’re already lying about your sexuality lmao.

Sorry im being very critical and bitter about this show, but i must persevere for the fanfics and fanarts i will gorge myself into later.

anywho reaction time!

Mia and Victor would’ve been cute if only Victor doesn’t sound like he keeps on enforcing this compulsory heterosexuality he has in mind.  BUT hey he might be Bi people! 

I keep censoring myself because of how bitter and hateful i sound. My apologies for the phrases i forgot to delete above and beyond this line xD.

Anyways im over anything about Andrew. He can go fuck his egotistical self. If the series will show 

Hmm i wonder if the term “Comp Het” will even drop in this series.

Back to reaction,

Honestly Felix is just a lesbian in a man’s body at this point. Making his own shampoo? Like wow give me some of that kind of friend. 

The number of times I rolled my eyes at Andrew is ridiculous. 

Whilst typing this part it was more enforced in my mind that Love Victor is just a “supposedly gayer” Teen Wolf without the wolfing parts.

Lake is Lydia Felix is Stiles Andrew is a walmart Jackson Benji is basically a less grumpy Derek or Danny tbh Victor is Scott

I really hate this idea now.

The parents drama! Honestly, very unnecessary in my opinion. Victor is already dealing with a religious family, now he has to deal with a religious and broken family? Like dang they could’ve just chosen one struggle for him, now everyone will think his sexuality is a consequence for his parents’ sin or sth.

Maybe it’ll play into a bigger plot twist in the future?

Maybe Victor’s mom is cheating with Mia’s father? Seeing as how there was an unnecessary shot of her father with the back of a woman facing on the camera which is weird but okay. 

Im theorizing now X_X

Anyways have y’all seen how poor Felix was so nervous because his goddamn friend isn’t there to supposedly help him?

Sorry im hating on Victor too much but this scene reminds me of how awful Simon’s friends are and like bruuuh is Felix supposed to be the lead character?

He really is like Stiles who is supposed to be the lead for Teen Wolf in my opinion, he’s just a much better written character that Sc/tt

lmao sorry my issues with other series is bleeding into this one X_X

End

Episode 4

Not much to say without getting too salty so moving onnn.

End

Episode 5

This series is just showing all the fear and pain i went through and am going through back when I was a teenager and til now. Without getting into any personal stuff, that last bs Victor’s father spewed just hit me so much.

I guess one of the reasons why its hard for me to watch Love Victor is because it shows me the teenager side of me way back when. Minus the girlfriend one because i never really persevered that much to tamper any likes for men. Internal homophobia really hit me back then tho xD

End

Episode 6

This episode is a mess and I hate it.

We saw yet again Victor literally using Felix’s ignorance and naivety to get himself out of a situation he put himself into. 

AND Felix even got the wrong idea or got fed with the wrong idea that the reason why Victor brought him along is to act as a buffer because he wasn’t ready to give up being a virgin or have sex in general. Yep that is definitely the reason, no other reason at all that involves making latte art with a known barista.

Lake and Felix kissed so there was that. I still am shipping Victor and Felix together despite Victor’s continuous bs with him being a good friend, but that’s just me.

And totally knew Andrew and Mia got a thing. If this blew up and hurt Lake im suing.

Lake and Felix are literally the two people keeping this show intact. Not gonna drop some political statement here no sir.

Again Benji needs to grow a personality out of this whole barista thing. One thing i am grateful for this show is that there was no family drama at all!

I think.

End

Episode 7

UGHHH MISS ME WITH THAT NORMAL TALK.

Ive been making a conscious effort to stop saying that heterosexuality is normal. That shit is hard to unlearn because its what ive always heard in my asian household for yeaaaaaaars. And now this twink is just gonna throw the term around like he has no issues with it. TO SIMON EVEN.

Like brooooooh. Im over my 2010 internal homophobia, no need to dig it all up again. Every episode.

Aww the dancing in different clothes is cute but,

FUCKING VICTOR LIED JUST FOR WHAT?

Homeboy be doing the most to keep his fucking sexuality from bursting out, with his foot both planted firmly inside the closer AND THEN THE NEXT SECOND would end up as if he is ready to risk it all just to see Benji naked.

I AM FUCKING livid, confused, and just intense emotion everywhere.

Ive seen a couple of dumbo scenes from other shows that got the “closeted” man be doing literally the most obvious shit that could make anyone catch them, BUT THIS, with how VEHEMENT Victor is against being “NOT NORMAL” AND THEN LIE JUST TO STAY IN A MOTEL WITH THE GLORIFIED HOT GUY, takes the goddamn cake.

The fucking hypocrisy man. Ive battled internal homophobia before, AND ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WE ALL DEAL WITH IT DIFFERENTLY but holy fucksticks. I’m not this evil.

The thing is, there is so much a person could do that you could go “ah its because they are in the closet and is afraid to come out” before it goes to the territory of “fucking hell, this is not just about his sexuality, this is just him now doing stuff consciously to take advantage of his supposed fear”. The girlfriend thing is even waaay over the top, but we all went with it because he’s supposed to be figuring things out. BUT most of the time, he literally could not even imagine going beyond the line HE CREATED for their relationship. AND YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT HE WILL LIE JUST TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH A GUY? Now he wants to test the male side of his sexuality? BECAUSE PORN DOESN’T EXIST?  BECAUSE LOOKING AT MALE UNDERWEAR MODELS IN THE UNDERWEAR SECTION IS NOT ENOUGH? HE NEEDS IT TO BE ACTUALLY PHYSICAL TO CONFIRM SOMETHING?

Im ahead too much, real time the scene im in the episode is still them about to leave the shop but holy fucking hell. If this lie ended up becoming something more in this same episode, expect more capslock because jfc.

And people will still claim he’s somewhat attracted to the other gender. 

AND SOMETHING DID HAPPENED. ANDREW AND MIA KISSED

FUCKIN VICTOR

Also i was very very worried that Pilar and Felix will be a thing BUT THANK GOD THAT DIDN’T BECOME A THING. Still unsure whether i like Lake and Felix together, but i love them individually.

I cant really comment on any of the parents drama because to be honest i skip them whenever its just her and him.

These two fuckers lie to one another. BECAUSE OF WHAT? THEY WANT TO FUCKIN STICK THEIR TONGUES INTO ONE ANOTHERS MOUTH? IS THIS REALLY WHERE THIS SHOW IS GOING? AND THEY ALMOST CENSORED IT BECAUSE ITS GAY? NOT THE OTHER HORRIBLE STUFF THAT IS HAPPENING?

Im tired.

But i hafta finish the show for fanarts and fanfics.

okay Benji has a legitimate reason for lying. I’ll take that.

See people you see me live writing this whole rant thing :D.

BOY TOOK MONTHS KISSING MIA FOR MIA TO ONLY SAY THEIR TONGUES GRAZE SOMETIMES.

bUT THE SAME GUY JUST WENT LAPLAPAN TO THE MAX WITH BENJI THE ONE NIGHT THEY SPENT TOGETHER?

REALLY PEOPLE? REALLY?

Huh I wonder back when I was his age, would I also just kiss the first gay guy i became comfortable with? Despite being so into the closet and battling internal homophobia via punching the walls?

Dang that monologue tho. We as non het doesn’t want our lives to be hard. But at this point, i stopped blaiming my own sexuality and just started blaming heterosexuals for making the world this fucking horrible for us. That’s when my internal homophobia SLOWLY lessen. It’s still there but hey at least every crosshair  is not on me.

Okay i get people saying that Simon is irresponsible for making Victor like put his family on the back burner for a bit etc etc. Also the reaction against Benji getting mad when Victor wanted them to stop being gay while in their house, is reasonable. Victor did calmly told Benji and his beau that his family is stretched thin etc etc. I get that. I get that sometimes hiding your sexuality for other people is what is necessary.

BUT  fucking please recognize how damaging that is to the person you are talking to. Even if you think Victor is in the 100% right about this, AT THE VERY LEAST acknowledge why Benji is mad. Sure he could’ve just left with his boyfriend instead of just staying there. And sure Victor pulled through in the end and put that dusty grandpa motherfucker to his place, but that’ll fucking sting okay.

Also i might be saying all this in a place where I’m not really that close to ANY of my relatives, so ya know, call me ignorant or ungrateful whatever.

END

Episode 8

Okay uhh Mia and Andrew is still a thing APPARENTLY.

AWW BRAM IS CUTE

Lol Simon’s “Yay boobs” like please Victor keep the heterosexual drama out of this chatroom lmao.

Also Felix group texting the others is hilarioussss.

If Victor touches or says one bad thing at Bram? its on sight.

Also Im not sure what to feel with Mia getting jealous at Andrew. Like girl you were the one who said he’s nothing, and now this? Issa bad look honey.

Victor is embarassing. Are all extroverts just this i dunno peppy? 

You know what makes me happy in this episode? Keiynan’s attitude bleeding out to Bram’s character. I love it!

Goddd Keiynan is so hot XD

hahahaha this episode is lighter thank god.

“why would they want to help a complete stranger” because they are good people and surprisingly they still exist! 

Ohhh So it seems like Nick Robinson filmed his scenes for this episode on a different day. Ive never seen him be with the main group. That’s weird.

END

Episode 9

Benji distancing himself because he wants to make his 1 year relationship work? Good guy! Him not saying to his boyfriend about the coworker of his kissing him? Bad move.

Sure we can all talk about how little stuff doesn’t need to be told to your lover if you’re sure its not gonna happen again. The thing is,  communication is key. Y’all will talk about communication being integral in a relationship but keep shit like this in the DL because yOU’RE JUST THAT SURE IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN? Fo real?

Also Benji is feeling guilty for a reason.

Vincent is very in the wrong for kissing a taken man just because said taken man is comfortable with him or showed vulnerability. Victor is in the wrong 100% and I’ll never forget that.

Felix and that hug with Victor is adorableeee. Love that coming out scene. Again raising my eyebrows at those who say Victor is Bi.

Felix showing what’s in his apartment is fucking great. No wonder we don’t see his mom or anything. They say that the saddest people are always the one who will do their best to keep everyone happy. Felix is being peppy, have these random phrases he use to just amuse people makes sense.

In this household, we protect Felix no matter what. HOPEFULLY next season we get to fucking know his surname or sth.

Again nothing new with the drama surrounding the parents. I hate them and honestly i am so annoyed by the father’s face and everything. (still have that hatred from One day at  time but we don’t talk about that here)

The letter is stupid and i wonder what Pilar will do about it. Are we gonna get a To All the boys i loved before thing?

OH Felix giving Lake an ultimatum. Wow what a move honestly. On one hand Felix has the right to protect himself. He wants to be free with who he loves, and keeping it a secret stopped being amusing because he knew what it feels like to hide a part of yourself.

Lake’s confidence has been obviously shot and damaged by her mother. Not saying that justifies what she is doing  BUT it came from somewhere. A night with Felix talking to her about his life IS NOT going to just uproot all those thoughts from her mind. As much as i love Felix, he is not a solution.

hmm what else. The father can go die for all i care. Lmao.

END

Episode 10

OH I THOUGHT PILAR KNOWS NOW BUT NOOOO

OH NOOO O NO NO NOOO

AND ANDREW STIRRING SHIT UP NOOOOOO

PILAR STOOOOP

NOO NOT PUBLICLY

OMFG

 I CANNOT.

Also i cannot get over Andrew’s actor looking like Stromae. They have the same eyes, eyebrows and expressions X_X

THIS IS WHY WE DONT KEEP SHIT BEFORE A PUBLIC EVENT. IT ALWAYS EXPLODES ON A PUBLIC EVENT.

YOU BET YOUR ass i skipped the whole confrontation scene. I’ll go back to it maybe or just look at gifs but nope. My cancer rising and moon can’t handle that shit.

Is ... is Mia going to see Victor and Benji together and then theorize? Because god freaking damnit im tired of that plot twist.

Oh Benji. Honey honey honey please don’t do whatever I think you’re about to do.

FUCKING NEW IT. CALLED IT. CALLED ITITTTT MIA FUCKIGN SAW I HATE VERYTHING.

....

wait the way the ending was shot is weird. The cliffhanger is weird. Everything is weird.

ILL MAKE A HUNCH that it was actually just Victor in his dream land thinking that coming out is that easy and that you just blurt it out.

Bet you the next season will start with no body but Felix and Mia and Andrew know about his sexuality.

The shot was too much on Victor. There was no sound cue from the family etc etc.  I hate the ending so much. Love Victor could’ve been so much more. Could’ve pioneered a fresh way to show lgbt stories and how coming out is this and that. Even if the show is for Gen Z and this generation, coming out should reflect to how coming out is generally perceived nowadays. But i guess that was too much. Foolish me for having my expectations waay too high.

The End

[not-a-space-alien]

hey its me again wall of text sorry not sorry

k i saw your little treatise justifying zadr and yknow its a cartoon its not the worst thing ever of course nobody is gonna sue you for reblogging fanart or burn you at the stake or w/e and im glad you decided to open yourself up to a differing opinion but zim IS portrayed as an adult. there was even an unfinished episode where zim’s childhood and growing up training from start to finish would be shown so by the time of the pilot he is definitely a full grown developed adult by irken standards especially if hes a former member of an elite military force like the invaders. jhonen has said that the irony and sad comedy of zims character is that hes a grown ass man and a war veteran to boot who VOLUNTARILY goes to an elementary school every day and throws hands with an 11 year old boy who should be well below his notice because he’s that pathetic and desperate for validation that he’ll stoop to seeking it from a child. it also sets up a dynamic between them where dib is CHALLENGED by having to go up against an adult with way more experience than him while dib is just a child, so when he wins its more meaningful, which is a common trope in childrens fiction that an underdog young hero has to take down a powerful adult villain.

jhonen might joke a lot but he’s serious about this part of the characterization of zim and dib and he even went to great lengths to make dib look and act more like a kid in ETF (more emotional and naive, designed to look smaller/softer, going in depth with his relationship to his dad and sister and needing his dad to protect him at the end when he’s too overrun to fight alone) just to drive home the point of how young he is. it was a very deliberate move and jhonen knows what hes doing ESPECIALLY since he also left zim pretty much unchanged and also includes gags about zim’s relative maturity like animating him briefly grimacing because his joints are sore and the part where he pretty much gestures to his crotch and goes “theyre afraid to look at ALL-A THIS”. like you would not see jhonen do that sort of joke with an underage character ok. dont confuse his social awkwardness and self deprecating/trolling humor for not knowing the difference between right and wrong and not acknowledge when he means something sincerely because he doesn’t just clown on people and troll ALL THE TIME 24/7 hes a human, and times have changed with more awareness on issues such as the grooming of minors so he can go back on things he may have said in the past that he doesn’t agree with now or said by mistake. he has said enough times that zim is older than any human alive that its safe to take his word for it by now. judging by the one strip he did in JTHM about johnny murdering a pedophile who was about to prey on squee i think his stance on protecting kids is pretty clear. also i wouldnt put it past jhonen to have redesigned membrane to be more chaddy looking to divert the adult fandom’s attention away from dib and throw the fangirls a bone but thats a whole nother can of worms lol.

and the justification that zim is immature so hes essentially on dib’s level is a reversal of something lots of kids hear from either creepy or ignorant adults who tell them theyre “so mature for their age”. no matter how emotionally mature you are it wont ever compensate for the number of years youve been alive so that’s not very sound logic, and even in fic where theyre both adults it’s still pretty weird because it doesn’t erase their history where zim knew dib as a kid. that’s sort of like a grownup waiting with bated breath until a kid is “legal” so they can start dating. kinda like when jacob imprints on bella’s newborn daughter in twilight then having it handwaved away by saying he’ll wait till she’s grown up, which understandably drew a huge amount of criticism. it’s a loophole that might be mildly acceptable in some cases but the context leaves it colored with a residual ickiness that sets off some red flags for me and a lot of other people.

also you said zim is an alien and therefore the situation itself is unrealistic, but the reason invader zim’s writing resonates with people is because zim is written with very HUMAN emotions and motivations and part of the humor again is how irkens despite being aliens from another planet mirror some of humanity’s worst flaws such as being petty, gluttonous, willfully ignorant, arrogantly believing they are special and better than everyone else, easily manipulated by propaganda, all too eager to greedily colonize other societies etc making them not so different from us at all. so the premise out of context might not seem realistic but the idea of a sad burnout adult who doesn’t realize how humiliating it is to be consistently outsmarted by a kid less than half their age IS realistic and applicable to human interaction since we’ve likely all met someone like this before at one point in our lives for example a schoolteacher who has a personal vendetta against one or more of their students and has nothing better to do than antagonize them, or a really dumb parent that you fight with a lot.

another thing, i know you and other fans probably have a lot of sentimental value and nostalgia attached to zadr because you probably shipped it back when you were a kid yourself and you cant be blamed for something you liked as a kid, but youre an adult now, and you have to listen to the portion of kids in the fandom who dont like zadr and say without question that the age gap makes them uncomfortable. those kids ARE the priority. we’re grown up now and we have to put our feelings aside for them because that’s part of being responsible and mature. i feel like zim himself is a pretty good example of how not to act at our age [shrug emoji]

and anyway a lot of the same elements of zadr can be explored with zadf just as well with just as much potential for cute moments and as a bonus is it’s not creepy

You do bring up some good points, and I’m not saying you’re wrong...  But honestly I’m still not convinced.  I mean, stuff that Jhonen said, the thing is even if it’s the author saying it it’s still outside of canon, that’s the reason why Neil Gaiman got flack for Good Omens because they didn’t write an actual kiss or hug or hand-hold between Aziraphale and Crowley yet Neil Gaiman went on Twitter saying they were queer representation.  I still don’t really put much stock into what he says because the unfinished episodes and Jhonen’s commentary don’t really change the dynamic that’s actually in the show.  And again...Jhonen said if there were going to be romance in the show it would be Zim/Gaz, so he’s either a huge hypocrite or doesn’t view Zim as being incompatible with Gaz.

I do think it’s much better when Dib is an adult and it just makes more sense, and I actually do prefer zadf to zadr and if i were going to ever write fanfiction or make fanart it would probably just be zadf, just because i know this does have some stuff to think about and I totally respect that you have a different view of it, but i honestly just don’t see it that way.  The analogy with Jacob imprinting on Bella’s child in Twilight isn’t really the same thing honestly.  The author in that situation tried to make it not......that....by saying that imprinting isn’t always a romantic relationship thing, and that Jacob would be more of an older brother, but honestly that doesn’t really negate the impact of grooming that kid would have with Jacob around.  The idea that Zim would somehow be grooming Dib seems really silly to me although you’re right, I think his characterization in Into the Florpus has evolved somewhat especially with regard to Dib wanting to get his father’s approval, but again Zim has parallels with that in trying to please the Tallest.  the world-building and characterizations are inconsistent and scattershot at best.  Like no, zim isn’t waiting for him to turn legal, that’s absurd, they’re nemeses coming at each other then learning to be friends.  You’re right that that doesn’t have to be zadr but I still tag it as zadr so people can block it if they want to.

Like, I’ve seen people ship Zim with Professor Membrane instead of Dib.  That seems very weird to me.  that professor membrane would have a relationship with someone who literally goes to his son’s elementary school and who doesn’t know anything at all about human behavior and emotions.

I feel like with this discussion people don’t really understand the problem with age gaps. With age gaps, it’s not a matter of mature/immature, it’s about development.  A ten year age gap sounds like a lot right?  a 25-year-old and a 15-year old would absolutely have a predatory “relationship.”  But a 35- and a 45-year old, that’s perfectly fine.  Having a difference in age doesn’t automatically make the relationship unhealthy.  so if Dib is 25 and Zim is [whatever the hell aliens years i still don’t really take Jhonen’s word for it bc he’s not consistent], that’s doesn’t mean it has to be bad.  The thing about telling minors they’re “so mature for their age” to try and convince them that a person interested in them isn’t a pedophile is that we know a human being who is 15 isn’t developmentally at the same level as a 25-year-old regardless of their behavior.  What is Zim?  All we have to go on is how he acts, and he acts like Dib is an equal match, it’s not “he’s immature for his age,” it’s very unclear.  Raw number of years isn’t the ultimate decider, for example in DnD lore elves reach maturity at, like, 100 years old so a 25-yo human trying to get with a 50-year-old elf would be predatory to the young elf even though the “younger” one is technically twice as old as the human.  Do you see what I’m saying?

I also don’t really buy the idea that Invader Zim’s writing resonates with people because Zim is ~~so human~~.  The guy steals a bunch of kid’s organs in one episode and flies into a tantrum over the slightest inconvenience.  You have to be reading really deeply into it and dig into some old internet archives of things Jhonen Vasquez has said to paint it as realistic.  You can do some interesting things with it wrt like, Zim being defective and starting to experience human emotions but that’s mostly fanon.

Well, you’ve given me some things to think about, thanks for explaining your side to me.  I’m still going to tag things as #zadr so people can block if it can’t plausibly be categorized as zadf.  I’m not actually making any fan content for Invader Zim so the point is kind of moot, but if I ever do I’ll definitely take this into consideration.

[mcrmadness]

I got tagged by @stufenlosregelbar, thank you!!!

1. Name: Aada (but I don’t like it, but I also don’t know what else I should be called as... and Madness probably isn’t allowed in Finland XD)

2. Birthday: June 23rd 1991

3. Zodiac: Cancer

4. Height: ~156cm (I live in Europe so I have no clue about other units)

5. Hobbies: I don’t have many hobbies, but are computer games and watching movies and series counted? Others: photographing, reading books, occassionally drawing, listening to music, just chilling :D

6. Fave color: Bright orange, electric blue, black. With clothes: black, I also like small red details but mainly everything is black + socks are often striped (black, white and grey) or even colored :D

7. Fave book: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams - and I’m including all 5 books of the whole trilogy, because I’ve read them all as one book. Can it get any more confusing from here?

8. Last song I listened to: It was the Sponge Bob end credits song that was on my dash; but the last actual song I listened to was something by this Finnish punkrock band Klamydia, I think the song was “Huipulla tuulee”.

9. Last movie I watched: Blade Runner. (Have seen before but just so long time ago when I was a kid that I didn’t remember anything of it anymore, and wanted to watch it so that I can actually understand and remember something!)

10. Inspiration: Not exactly sure what is being said with this... where do I get inspiration? Let’s answer to that one, then. I get inspirations from the things I see around me, as I’m someone who is just always observing and “seeing a lot”. I just rarely get any inspirations that Im able to actually use somewhere, usually I link this to creativity so I mainly get just inspirations for either fanfiction/fanart, drawings or for The Sims :D  But I guess I get some kind of useless inspirations every now and then, if I just knew how to make them useful... But if this means what or who are inspirational to me? I don’t know, mainly things that are my favorites like fave bands, their members or so. Idk :D

11. Dream job: I don’t really have one, something related to animals and horses is currently my “dream job” as I’ve also been studying horses and I’m starting to be quite experienced with this field now, but I still am afraid of having a job contract and not being able to escape. So my actual dream job would be something that I can make a living and also have some extra money for other things in life, nothing huge but  so that it would stop being all about survival and counting euros and cents just so you can buy one bread. And I’d like to have a job where I’m my own boss, I can work alone and no one is gonna tell me I should do better or different. I just don’t have enough creativity to do anything creative for a living, that would definitely also kill all the last bits of my inspiration and creativity too.

12. Meaning behind your url: It’s old as what! When I was 13, my favorite band was a Finnish band called The Rasmus. They have a song called “Madness” and I liked that song and I wanted to use it as my online name but I altered it a bit so it became It’s Madness. I had several versions of this one and then when I was 15, My Chemical Romance became my new favorite band and I created a Finnish forum and I wanted to use my old online name but make it into MCR somehow, so it becamse MCRmadness. Nowadays I usually leave the MCR part off but use other versions of “madness”, but I created Tumblr when I still was a huge fan (well but trust me: once an MCR fan, always an MCR fan!) and I want to keep this url to me so I haven’t changed it, even tho I don’t really use “mcrmadness” anymore. But this particular url name is actually 12 years old by now :D And been “madness” for 15 years basically.

I don’t tag any names cos it would just make me feel bad, I’d forget half of the people and then I’d tag 57285729 people so: I wanna tag here everyone who always wants to get tagged but never does (like myself 99% of the time), so now is your chance to tag yourself! ♥

[indialadina]

After Party

Retsuko, Haida and all from accounting went to an office party. It was the end of the trimester and all work was completed in time. In fact, they were celebrating because it was the first time in years, they had such an uneventful period: all transactions matched the books and not a single file was missing.

Haida, Retsuko and Fenneko were sitting together. Booze and delicious snacks kept coming and the conversation was fluid and full of laughter. Retsuko and Haida were almost past the awkwardness of Haida’s confession from last year. It has been a long ride for both of them. Haida didn’t want to give up just yet, but he didn’t know exactly how to start again that conversation.

Retsuko was very confused lately. She turned down Haida’s feelings and was sure she did the right thing. But nowadays she was feeling very restless around him even though there wasn’t a reason to do so. Haida was very respectful of her decision, he was careful not to bring the subject anymore. Also, he was still a good friend, Retsuko knew that at first was difficult, but after a while everything went back to normal. And that was starting to annoy her a little bit even if she didn’t know why.

It was almost 2 in the morning. Retsuko was feeling drunk, but she was having a good time. Fenneko and Haida too, they were singing karaoke together and pouring each other drinks. They had this amazing friendship… she knew that even though Fenneko and Haida weren’t in love or anything, they were there for each other and trust each other in a way Retsuko and Haida could never be. She was feeling a little lonely but most of all… jealous.

Retsuko stood up, a little too sudden. Fenneko and Haida noticed immediately.

Fenneko: Naa, Retsuko? Are you feeling ok?

Retsuko: Hi, hi. Don’t worry I’m just… I just want to go to the restroom.

Fenneko: Want me tagging along?

Retsuko: No, no. That’s okey. I can do it myself. I’ll be right back.

Retsuko disappeared behind the shoji. Her walking was clearly of a drunk person. She even apologized to Komiya when she stepped on his tail.

Haida was worried about her. His face said more than he wanted to. But he was afraid. Maybe Retsuko would feel uncomfortable if he helps her, or maybe he could no longer keep his feelings to himself in his drunken state.  

Fenneko: How troublesome you are! Go help Retsuko.

Haida: Ah! – his thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Fenneko. He tried to fake a smile and invent an excuse- what are…

Fenneko: Don’t lie to me Haida, you suck at it anyway. Retsuko is drunk and vulnerable. You should help her. It doesn’t mean something bad will happen. Just… be there.

“Fenneko was right” Haida thought. He was still in love with her, but that doesn’t mean that Retsuko wasn’t her friend too and he was worried something bad happen to her. He decided to wait for her outside the restroom. Make sure she was ok and return to the party.

Retsuko was inside the restroom. She was feeling more drunk than before. But she decided to stay there a little longer before going out. Seeing Haida and Fenneko together made her feel uncomfortable. But more than that… it made her a little sad. Something was pressuring her heart and she suddenly felt that she wanted to go home. She decided to check her cellphone. She saw a message from Fenneko but, decided to ignore her. She looked for photos of Haida. It was weird. She couldn’t find any recent photos with him, but his image was clear in her head. She suddenly remembered his kind green eyes, his crooked laugh and his thin and tall body. And after a while of looking for a photo she just stopped and closed her eyes. Haida was clear on her mind, every detail of him every spot on his face or his white hands. And a warm familiar feeling came to her heart.

When Retsuko opened her eyes, she felt like hours had passed. She decided to go outside. Maybe people will start to get worried and if she wanted to go home, she could do it right now.

Retsuko step outside the restroom. She was feeling a little less drunk, but her feelings were a mess. She wanted to get out of there but then… she saw him.

Haida was waiting for Retsuko outside. He was leaning in the wall with his eyes closed, just trying to keep it together. Maybe he was more drunk than he imagined. He thought: “Just make sure Restuko is okey, get back to the party together and then say goodbye”.

Retsuko saw Haida first. Her heart started to beat so loud. Her face was red, but not only because of the booze, she was clearly flustered. Haida opened his eyes a bit after. He saw Retsuko and smiled gently.

Haida: Hey, Retsuko? How are you feeling?  Do you want to go back?

Haida then noticed something… Retsuko was very nervous. Her eyes avoided him, and her face was red. He wasn’t sure what to believe, he was also drunk after all, maybe it was a misunderstanding. He saw Retsuko getting closer to him. Haida didn’t move at all. He was nervous but just couldn’t say anything.

Finally, Retsuko put herself in front of him and looked Haida in the eyes. She knew she was drunk, but at the same time the other feelings were so real. She was jealous about Fenneko back there, she was feeling warm and fuzzy when looking at Haida. She took a step closer to him and touched his face.

Haida was having trouble to keep it together. He felt his heart was going to explode after Retsuko touched his face. He thought: “Maybe I should stand up, or maybe I should light the mood…”. But then it suddenly hit him. There was no doubt in his mind…Retsuko was looking at him like she was about to…

Haida: Re- Retsuko? Are you sure? You’re drunk…

Retsuko was startled a little by Haida’s question. She just wanted some time to figure things out, but it was no longer possible. She liked him… She wanted to kiss him and Haida knew. But he wasn’t pulling away or stopping her. He wanted it too. Haida put his hands around her waist, Retsuko felt a jolt through her body, she closed her eyes, she reached Haida’s face with hers.

Retsuko whispered: Yes…

Retsuko nervously kissed him and Haida reciprocated. It was a gentle kiss… Haida firmly kept his hands around her waist. He was lost in their first kiss. It wasn’t how he thought would happen… but it felt better than he had imagined. Retsuko lips were sweet and small. He felt real happiness after a long time of keeping his feelings at bay. He was relieved, but also anxious. How long would it last?  

Retsuko was feeling dizzy. Her heartbeat was violent, she heard his too. Their lips were intertwined. Her head was spinning in a million of thoughts. Haida’s scent was comforting. She kissed scared at first, but then she felt something growing inside of her, like a little rush. She was sway away by the feeling.

Haida was almost possessed. He kissed Retsuko’s lips, over and over. He smiled a little and kissed her cheeks, too. His eyes were shut, but he no longer needed to pick and see her. His senses were taking all of Retsuko.

Retsuko was happy but curious too… She has never been in such a kiss before, with a guy she really liked, and it was a little too overwhelming. It was a very weird feeling, but she wanted to lick Haida’s lips… just a little. So, she opened her mouth and did it.

Haida was taken by surprise. He was no longer in control of himself. He stood up, cornered Retsuko swiftly to the wall in front of him and lifted her up on the little table in the hall. Retsuko’s saw Haida standing in front of her, almost his same height. He took Retsuko’s face in his hands and kissed her, but this time, passionately.

Retsuko no longer cared if someone saw them, their drunken state, or their complicated relationship. She  was keeping his pace. She could no longer breath, nor she cared. She wanted to embrace the feeling and pulled Haida closer.

After what seemed like an eternity, Haida knew he needed to stop it, right now. This was no longer an awkward little kiss they could ignore. They needed to talk right now and he could ruin everything by letting his passion take the better of him. He broke their long kiss, almost breathless and with his lips hurting. Their feelings were a mess.

Haida: Wanna get out of here…?

Retsuko nodded in response.

END PART 1

If you want to check the fanart go here: http://faylink.tumblr.com/post/181678173967/aggretsuko-fanart-because-im-a-trash-for-them-3

Thank you so much for reading!

[feathers-ruffled]

Well, the time is just about upon us. Starting on monday I will be attending my classes at school and moving my career forward. It’s been a very long journey to get to where I am now. My art has evolved greatly and I’ve had many people in and out of my life that have inspired me and pushed me to do better.  Before I cover some questions people might have, I want to get the thank yous out of the way.  

Firstly, I want to thank everyone who has ever reblogged, retweeted or shared my art with others. You all made this happen. If it wasn’t for your support of what I do I probably wouldn’t have gotten very far. I am so grateful for those who wanted my work to be seen by others. Thank you. 

I also would like to thank my fellow mutuals. I would really want to tag people but Im afraid I might leave someone out. But you know who you are :). I love you guys so much. You’ve been with me through all this and you always supported me when I need it the most. I’ll truly treasure the friendships I have made with you all. (Hell, I’ll even thank the toxic people that I’ve had to cut out of my life. If it wasn’t for that, I probably would still be stuck in a bad place and not evolved past them.)

Lastly, I will need to give a very special thanks to my biggest inspiration @genevievetsai. Seeing her art for the first time was a corner stone of what was to come. It’s because of her I was able to find my style and push forward with it, making it my own. Thank you so much Gen <3 You’re the best. 

Now that all the mushy stuff is out of the way, I’ll post a little FAQ for those who care enough to know whats going to happen to my blogs/accounts. Read after the break!

What’s going to happen to your tumblr/twitter accounts?

Unfortunately, my accounts will not get updated posts for a long while. I’m going to be very busy with school and not have much free drawing time. However, whatever I made during class that I feel is good enough to show, I will post it. I understand completely if anyone decides to unfollow for fear of these accounts going dead. They’ won’t be dead 100%, just don’t expect as much posting. This goes for my NSFW accounts as well.

Is there somewhere you’ll be active the most?

Yes there is. My main Twitter (@FeathersRuffld) will be where I’ll be the most active if I can. It’s more quicker for me to post there. That being said, if I have any art to show I’ll still post it to both Twitter and Tumblr.

I made you some fanart! Is there a way I can get you to see it?

If you’ve drawn any fanart for me, I would love to see it! I don’t wanna miss any (if any)! The best way to do is to tag me, that way Ill get a notification and see it for sure. Might even wanna be double sure and message me too. And I’ll reblog/retweet it.

Will you post non school related art work?

Any chance I get where I feel like drawing, I will draw. If I post anything non school related, it’ll most likely just be sketches or doodles. So don’t expect anything super detailed like always. I understand if thats what you feel deserves a reblog, but anything I post I would greatly appreciate the share. 

What about commissions?

This is more for NSFW since I get mostly those commissions. Commissions will remain closed from now on. UNLESS, if theres ever a weekend where I dont have any school work to catch up on and I could use some spending money, I will open up 1-2 slots or even just some sketch/doodle commissions. I will make a post regarding this when it happens. 

[javerttt]

I've not seen your stuff on here before (just met your wonderful Valvert art) and I'm interested why you like drawing them so much. I'm writing a book looking at why Les Mis is so popular, and talking to a lot of fans (and Valjeans and Javerts!) and I'm trying to listen to why they characters draw people to them so much. Can you help?

Hey, thanks for your ask! sorry i took time to reply, i took the time to really think about what these characters mean to me and why i love them so much! also sorry for the english mistakes since its not my first language lol. ill try to answer your question the best i can, i hope my answer wont be too long haha

i first got into les mis in like 2014/2015, but my deep love for jean valjean and javert is actually pretty recent although i liked them and shipped them as soon as i discovered les mis (but i didnt like them enough back then to dedicate an entire blog to them lol). i did draw some fanart of valjean and javert back then, but not a lot; i was more into characters like enjolras and grantaire (and their ship). when i first explored the les mis fandom on tumblr i was at a very low point of my life, really depressed and suicidal, and i happened to stumble on lots of posts about enjolras, grantaire, and especially people’s headcanons about enjolras being a trans man which led me to the biggest epiphany of my life. i got really invested into these characters, basically living vicarously through them. i projected all my repressed thoughts about gender identity on enjolras, and related to grantaire’s cynical attitude and kinda unrequited, hopeless love for enjolras. i feel like i owe my life to les mis, because had i not had this epiphany i dont know if id still be alive today (goddd that sounds so dramatic lol). Also les mis contributed to me getting interested in politics and social justice.

my interest faded a bit as i got into other things, but i still loved les mis a lot. recently i rewatched the 2012 movie, then browsed the valvert tag and oh boy i fell hard lol. i dont really know why but this time it was javert’s character who drew me (im sure there’s a better word for this but i cant find it rip). i listened to the musical on repeat, watching many clips on youtube, and i got really interested in javert and valjean’s dynamic. i also started reading the brick, and started drawing a lot of fanarts which led me to create this blog which im so happy i have now because god people are so nice to me and my art had never met such a positive response before that. i thought a lot about what drew me to javert’s character, and i think that on some levels i can kinda relate to him. i used to be sort of cynical, with very strict views on society and stuff like justice (thinking things like ‘criminals can never be forgiven’, ‘once you do something bad its because you’re inherently bad so there’s no hope for you’, shit like that. im really ashamed of it now lol). i was bullied for years when i was younger, which led me to resent people a lot, and with my crushing dysphoria (which i didnt know was actually dysphoria back then) i felt like i had no place in the world, i couldnt project myself into the future, i hated what and who i was. but unlike javert, who, knowing that he was born ‘out’ of society, decided to stay ‘out’ of it in his job (god my wording is so bad, i hope you see what i mean), i just wanted to die. when i finally came to terms with the fact that i might be trans, i felt really hopeless, and thought about all the years i had wasted, all those years i was depressed, hating myself, hurting myself, how i thought myself unloveable, and for a brief moment i wanted to die because there was no way i was going to be able to live as i wanted to, i felt like it was too late for me. eventually things got better as i moved further in accepting myself. i feel so sad for javert because, like me, his whole perception of the world was shattered, all his beliefs and values were questioned and he couldnt find a way to go on. im sad because if things had been different i might have done like him. i love aus where he survives, where valjean saves him. speaking of valjean, what i love in him is the kindness, radiant love that emanates from him. the fact that he has seen the worst of the world, the worst of men and of society, and still decides to go on and do good and dedicate his life to other.........the Big Heart energy........ i just love and admire him so much, and i know this will sound dumb but he kinda inspires me to do better, love myself and others better, be kinder to the world. 

basically i love les mis for all the political/social commentary, i think that it is a very important book in itself, and i also love it for its characters, some of which became really important to me. i hope my answer satisfies you, and that it doesnt sound like me talking annoyingly about myself too much rip......also im afraid i sound too dramatic....honeslty im always too self conscious when i have to talk about myself asqjfd but thanks for asking me this it was really interesting to reflect on these things!!! have a nice day :D