#im usually the kind of person to sit back and say yes to whatever ppl are saying to get for the persons bday

[aroaceofthesea]

I was in a 18 bday party today and we didnt have a gift for the bday girl💀💀

[fyodorkitkat]

4, 5, 11, 18, 20, 23, 26, 30 and 34 for the questions i think would be fun to be asked(sorry i picked so many im just. curious.)

Dear lord. I have attempted this but will have to go back and link the ones I answered already.

4.what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

"Like a mirror image?"

Am I supposed to explain it even though it won't be funny idk here you go.

I don't talk to this person anymore but it was the first thing that came to mind. We were hanging out at my friends apartment and his neighbor knocked on the door pretty sure to get pissed at us for being too loud but when she saw us she decided to be friendly instead and also claimed to know my other friend ans use that for justification to come inside but she did not remember her at all so not sure about that one.

Well we didn't want her to complain or call anyone on us (illicit things) so we tried to entertain her a bit and give her a drink since she more or less invited herself in rudely. She ended up talking about the building and room layout with my friend (guy whose apt it was) and they got into an argument because she claimed the unit was not a mirror image of hers and proceeded to describe...a mirror image of the apt.

She would not let it go and neither would he and he was just getting more and more genuinely pissed off (and also wanted her to leave) and she was very giggly and teasing but at one point he is just slapping the back of his hand on his palm yelling "LIKE A MIRROR IMAGE! LIKE A MIRROR FUCKING IMAGE?! YEAH?!" while we are like wheezing at them. After she finally left we goaded him like hey hey, what was that again? Was it like...a mirror image? And he was losing it. You could bring it up to him anytime years later for a laugh. Hold something up to him flipped , hey? Is this...a mirror image? Or if someone described something in such a way just say, oh? Like a mirror image, maybe? And it would immediately set him off but I think he liked being pissed off sometimes so it was all in good fun. We would do it to each other as well but without the strong emotional response just to laugh about.

5.what made you start your blog?

11.what do you consider to be romance?

Answered.

Idk whatever ppl define for themselves. Like I think spending casual time together, or going someplace together even on a routine errand can be romantic. Walking while holding hands is romantic. Small gestures that let someone know you think about them or care about their comfort can be romantic. But then some things I would say are romantic other ppl might balk at and think aren't or "aren't enough". So idk "it depends".

If I am forcing myself to just answer for myself I would take the above and also say that someone choosing to be present for me intentionally is romantic. Like, basically to be dedicated and loyal.

18.do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

Answered.

20.favourite things about the night?

Falling asleep. Or like, I like when I am camping (it has been so long) or in a more rural area at night and I can sit and see the stars. I feel like when it is very clear and I look at something like that I feel like I can sink into the sky.

23.say 3 things about someone you hate.

Whatever, don't care, bye.

26.fave colour and why?

Black, because it is.

30. what's one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

Answered

34.any pet peeves?

Yes. I will share a couple I guess. When ppl try to be competitive with me. My reaction ranges from losing all interest in whatever it was (like there is no competition, the other person can have whatever feeling of superiority they want idgaf) to active disgust with them if they continue to try to rope me into some kind of competition or oneupsmanship. I might know they are wrong, or I might be able to out do them, but I will just shut my mouth or let people misinterpret things rather than fuck with that.

When people I don't like invade my personal space or touch me. If I like someone I am usually totally unbothered by close proximity or being casually touched or prefer it. But for people I either don't like or don't know I hate it. I will not react to it but I very much am thinking "ew. How dare you" in my head.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

[theunconcernedembalmer]

what’s the issue with elisop? is it just bc you hc aesop as ace? im so concerned by seeing ppl adamantly opposed to mlm/wlw ships but im also genuinely curious about why you dislike it and other lgbt ships so much lol

hmm. that is a strong accusation, n i find it just a bit odd. are you new here? or perhaps you are taking personal offense at my dislike towards a favourite ship of yours and using the lgbt argument as moral high ground?

whatever the case may be, i thank you for asking. if u r truly looking for an answer, its below the cut n it is very very long. mind u these are all my personal opinions n i am in no way policing how others enjoy ships. just in case this wasnt clear; i dont wish to start discourse on this blog, especially since my takes are probably... unpopular.

firstly i would like to address the “disliking lgbt ships” bit, because this has very strong implications in itself. i have nothing against lgbt ships. i enjoy them, even. if the two characters have chemistry between each other, i ship it. however, the moment characterization is broken for the sake of romance, i lose interest. this is generally my stance on ships in general, n this applies for both straight n lgbt ships. 

the ships themselves are fine. however, i do have issues with the ship dynamics, so ill let u in on that.

i want to touch on mlm ships in particular; i believe u are familiar with the top/bottom dynamic that is rampant in these kinds of ships? (i wont deny that this dynamic can be found in other types of ships, but for arguments sake i will be focusing on gay ships because i feel that this occurs more commonly here) its such a popular dynamic that is prone to stripping the personality from one if not both characters, only for them to be reduced to being dominant/submissive. for a character to be pigeonholed into a stereotypical category based on... preferred sexual positions? its just downright insulting, never mind the larger more problematic implications of it. top/bottom is not indicative of someones personality, by the way. flattening multi dimensional characters into these stereotypes is so so so insulting.

unfortunately this is The Most Popular portrayal of just about any gay ship around. ive seen it being used everywhere in so many fandoms n it just about becomes apparent to me that ppl come to stories looking for a Ship. not the stories, nor the characters, just a ship. while id like to say theres nothing wrong with that, keep in mind not everyone is just looking for 2 characters that look pretty next to each other. if i ship something, i see interesting n meaningful interactions between 2 characters, which is so often not the case once u bring in the top/bottom dynamic. why is it so popular? because somehow this is what ppl like from a gay ship n hence it sells. ppl want the drama, characterizations be damned. ppl want to see the big kiss that happens in the end, n maybe the sexy parts that come after. characterizations be damned.

so u can say im a little wary of gay ships when they cross my feed. hell, as a joseph aesop shipper i see this trope everywhere n im pretty disappointed as well. small tangent but i feel like this is the reason why zh0ngli n ch1lde is so popular in g3nshin. i try to see the appeal, i really do, but after a long while of analyzing their respective characters i dont think they have as much chemistry as ppl think they do. dont even get me started on how incredibly ooc they make either of these very interesting n unique characters in ship portrayals. all because of the top/bottom dynamic that ppl want to see. i say this for that particular ship, but this is pretty much the case for a lot of ships out there, n the latter part is painfully true even when the 2 characters do have potential between each other. ill say it again im disgusted by the blatant disrespect to the characterizations if all ppl ever want is 2 pretty puppets to mush lips together. cos thats what theyre essentially reduced to this way.

n its so obvious to see when an artist subscribes to this rhetoric, because u can so clearly see it in the way they draw their characters. the “top” generally has sharper features to go with their “dominating personality”, while the “bottom” has disturbingly softer, feminine, dare i say sometimes child like features “to submit”. n thats where the uwu soft gay trope comes from, i believe. which, in case u still dont know, i hate with a burning passion.

so again for ppl with impaired reading comprehension, im fine with ships, including lgbt ones, but the moment u break characterization for the sake of the ship, im not that okay with it. u want to do it for a short crack comic? fine. but if thats the only way ur portraying the 2 characters then im immediately wary of ur content. ill still look at it cos usually the art is really good, but im very very wary. so im not “adamantly opposed”, just very critical of how the ships are being portrayed. if other ppl want to enjoy their ships like that, sure. just dont expect me to join in on something i dont agree on.

.

now id like to address not shipping “because i hc aesop as ace”. for ppl who are new to the blog (hello there), im an ace in a romantic relationship, so thats definitely not the reason i dont ship elisop. its more of being in a relationship has largely shaped my views towards romance as a whole. even before i met my boyfriend, i hated the romance genre in stories n media. most of it comes off as incredibly forced, especially those love triangles they seem to love putting into teen novels. thats one reason why i stopped reading when i was younger, but i digress.

did i partake in shipping when i was younger? i did. for a gay ship too (if anyone really wants to know, its kurotsukki from haikyuu. at least this was one that i can remember, i was mostly working on my 20 odd ocs for the longest time). i also used to write little short romance ficlets that i never posted anywhere cos i hated (n still do hate) my writing. but writing romance when u dont have experience was really just a way of projecting n probably a way of coping for myself, not that i knew at that time. but after i actually started a relationship with my boyfriend (whom i love n cherish a lot thank u very much), i began to see how much all these have skewed my views towards romance n have actually done some harm to our relationship. the bullshit that the general media feeds u constantly doesnt help in the slightest either.

quick topic shift to elisop in particular (about time, right?). i already stated that i only ship characters if i sense chemistry between the two personalities, n if u have seen the part where i dont ship elisop then u must have seen how agonized i am over not being able to have a concrete personality for eli. that is the main problem i have with elisop: eli does not feel like a solid character to me. n that is a huge problem, because if he doesnt have any defining characteristics besides being mild n nice, then he can be whoever i want him to be. (i have done this in my exorcist comics, i will admit this. n the fact that i can just do that... it really does not sit well with me personally.)

n that is dangerous.

back to young me doing lil ship things. i think its also pretty safe to say when u really do ship 2 characters, chances are u kinda really relate very very hard to at least one of them. that very quickly can turn into projecting, n shipping therefore is not “exploring the relationship between 2 characters” n it becomes “my preferred dating simulator 101″. of course this isnt always the case, but at least it was for me, n subconsciously it might be for lots of ppl too. n since this is ur mental playground, u call the shots, n there is no consequences if u slightly (or even entirely) alter one or both personalities to fit ur desired narrative. n u wouldnt even notice or know, cos ur blind to ur own biasness.

we bring our perceived notions into real life, im sure u know that. so when ur partner does not become that perfect knight in shining armour, or when they get upset at things that u do (which is a very normal thing by the way), n u think (very subconsciously), That isnt what my otp would do, something is wrong here (nothing is wrong, actually its just ur skewed perception of a stable romantic relationship). why wouldnt ur otp do this? because u are both halves of ur otps, there is no hidden secrets between them (apart from the pining part but thats irrelevant), n again they have been altered to fit ur preferred narrative. 

a real relationship requires a lot of communication between parties, because newsflash, liking someone doesnt mean that u have to like every single thing they do, they will make mistakes n it will hurt u, n guess what, the reverse is also true. if u do go with absoutely anything that they would do with 0 objections whatsoever, ur not crushing on someone, ur idolizing them, n that power imbalance is detrimental to a relationship. these things are not obvious to ppl, especially when the whole climate is hell bent on getting into romantic relationships by a certain age or some bullshit. communication is key n is pretty much the only way to solve relationship issues, because the other person has a lot that u r not seeing n vice versa. as similar as 2 ppl can be, i doubt u can have 100% the same thoughts on all things. i dont make the rules.

so in ur mental playground u focus on the fluffy parts, maybe there is communication, but rarely is there any meaningful conflict. thats unrealistic, n if u bring that mindset to an actual relationship, thats not going to end well. i say meaningful conflict, because yes, generally u shouldnt have conflicts with ur significant other. but inevitably when ur with each other for long enough, u will realize that there are habits that u must change in order to be with the other person. habits that are harmful to the other person directly, or harmful habits towards yourself that indirectly harm the other person. these are meaningful in a sense that if left alone, it will manifest into larger problems that will harm u, the other person n the relationship as a whole. its meaningful to the relationship.

all these is made even worse if ur neurodivergent. maladaptive coping practices, self sabotaging behaviours, inherent disabilities. all these must be adjusted n addressed. im so incredibly thankful for my boyfriend for being incredibly patient with me when working all these out, n it has not been easy for me to work on myself n all my problems, n im still not done working on them. this aspect is often not explored in romance in general (or properly), n there is a very good chance i would have still been stuck in the unhealthy mindset of “this isnt like my otp, maybe we’re not meant to be”. because loving someone is a choice. no one is made for each other, it is a conscious choice made between 2 ppl to make things work. this is how arranged marriages work, i am told, n i do see the appeal, not that it actually does appeal to me culturally.

special mention to the kurotsukki ship, cos from there i found a very, very good fic that explored their relationship before n after getting together, n it actually showed aspects of this problem in the incredibly slow burn of (at that time) 20+ chapters. it was just one fic (n a very good one at that, i believe it was called Leviticus), but it had a lesson i never thought i needed to learn, n learn it i did, with a lot of help from my dear. 

this is also probably the reason why i dont really want to delve too much into romance now. i know its a lot of work, n everything (mostly) that the media feeds u is really false advertising, but ppl eat that shit up n so it remains one of the most popular genres to date. im just very wary that if i do start on a romantic story, i want to be able to show it in a way like that fic did, the truths of relationships, because i dont want to make something that sells, i want to make something that meaningful to me, if a little indulgent. n that also includes being very careful in how the respective characterizations will change in a relationship. almost too careful now that i think about it, but its not something that i mind. i was never one for romance from the start, n now im very careful about shipping because of what happened to me persoanlly.

okay enough about me, lets talk about aesop. in any au u put the character in, the essence of the character must remain despite the change in environment. so lets say we have ur typical modern au. dead mom, check. shitty mentor doing illegal stuff? also check. autistic boy with social anxiety? we’re good to go. all these have implications on aesop as a character, n while ppl are aware of this, again the way they go about portraying it can go, in my personal opinion, very wrong. ppl who immediately woobify aesop completely because he has autism annoy me. ppl who reduce him to uwu soft boi cos he has social anxiety do not know how the disorder really works n as someone who has that i hate it to the core. ppl who do all these for the sake of ship have lost my respect. its insulting.

remember the top/bottom dynamic? not that elisop is completely free from that (even if i dont know much about eli, to put him in either one of those stereotypes feels very insulting to his character. i wont even say anything about doing it to aesop its so upsetting), but its not entirely made up of either. but now i want to introduce another trope i am very wary of, which is “i can fix him”. im sure u guys have seen the meme going around poking fun at this trope (for those who havent, its along the lines of “u can fix him? well i can be his worst nightmare”) n no doubt yall would have seen it n gotten sick of it in some forced hetero romantic bullshit. we have one damsel in distress with a saviour that solves all their problems just by existing n being romo with each other.

remember “my preferred dating simulator 101″? this is not mutually exclusive n from my point of view this is dangerously close to this trope. lets be real, if it was actually a thing that all ur deep rooted trauma magically disappears if someone were to waltz into ur life, we would want it. definitely. no painfully dissecting ur own problems n constantly facing them head on. real life states that this is not the case, but it will not stop us from dreaming. n so this trope is born n lives n will go on.

(finally) pulling aesop n eli into this, at least in my mind, u have one severely traumatized boy with lots of issues n u have this. nice mild guy who can be anything u want him to be. i hope u can see where im going with this, n thats the direction i see some elisop heading towards (i dont read a lot of elisop to be fair). if u came from my eli character talk, i mentioned that it is incredibly one sided. this is exactly what im talking about.

putting it all together in case u havent already, aesop is the damsel in distress, whose problems magically disappear because of elis godly kindness n little to no work on improving himself, n they lived happily n gayly ever after.

can u tell how much that does not appeal to me. 

never mind the butchering of character that inevitably happens somewhere somehow, the unrealistically perfect themes n implications of this trope makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. this is, of course, due to personal reasons, n i definitely see the appeal of this dynamic because i would probably have been interested in this once upon a time as well. but as i am now, with everything i have explained up there n everything i have been through, i would politely rather not.

n its difficult to think of another dynamic, because of how little i know about eli apart from him being this saint, which easily makes him a candidate for being aesops trauma panacea. never mind aesop rarely, if ever, does anything for eli as a character in return, n its so damaging to buy into this rhetoric, where a person like this who would solve all ur issues no strings attached exists somewhere in the world. they really dont. a relationship has to be mutually benefitting, or it will be draining n disastrous. maybe u say, Oh its nice to imagine it once in a while. n yeah, i agree, except once in a while is a little difficult to keep track of n that is sort of what happened to me. id rather stay as far away as possible from this kind of unrealistic fantasy, i just got this shit sorted out with myself n my boyfriend.

i have some other reasons, but theyre more personally problematic, so i wont go into them here. but this is mostly n generally why i do not ship elisop romantically. if u do, u do u, and have fun, but again dont expect me to join u. thank u for coming to my ted talk, this took a lot longer than expected.

[domjaehyun]

opening up tumblr to that entertaining discourse was pretty hilarious to me. two smut writers going at it to describe lubrication of the female genitalia in preparation for coitus?? yes please.

reading your last response to her on the matter, i had the impression of you coming off as arrogant. you described your skills, proficiency and knowledge of the english language. you go girl!! i am not being sarcastic, im just very surprised, and glad that you knew what you were saying and confident in yourself.

i guess to a natural english speaker, the technicalities of a word is very important to matter? the meanings, synonyms, all that. i mean, you have the vocabulary, so using the correct terms and words must come to you like second nature. i envy you for that.

anyways, back to thirsting over nct. December 11 is going to be lit, shame i wont be able to enjoy it.

ps. love you

DFJSGKFLD pls !!!! that was not the issue i had w the situation and i will maintain that forever bc i don't care what people do ! if i read a fic and i don't like it for whatever reason, i just move on !! so genuinely you could use the weirdest, most inaccurate wording on the face of the earth and i'm not gonna come for you i'm just not gonna enjoy the story,,,, and if it's laughably wrong, then... yeah, i'm probably gonna send it to a friend or two !!!! (i talked more abt the rest of this message ad nauseam under the cut but the nct related part is going on top of the read more bc . yeah)

ANYWAY yes back to nct 💖 i'm so excited for the album release omg omg do you have any songs in particular you're excited for?? or like . thoughts in general abt the songs? (i have many....) and :(( why can't you enjoy it?? do you have something on that day? i hope we like the album when it comes out :D i'm v v excited !!!!

p.s. i love you TOO :D

and wait––WAIT SDJFKGSLKJ PLS SORRY I AM TAKING YOU SERIOUSLY but i genuinely don't think anyone has ever described me as arrogant like . in my life (to my face obvi idk what goes on behind my back) BUT HONESTLY ? I'M KINDA FLATTERED IDK WHY i think that arrogance to me usually like . is associated with a level of confidence i don't usually have in myself y'know? so to see that someone interpreted me as like. That Confident is rly kinda nice to hear jdsfdsjsfj but i do genuinely mean that it wasn't my intention to be arrogant at all !! assertive and about my shit? yep !! catty and particular abt words? yep !! but yeah arrogant was not even remotely in the ballpark of things i was going for dfjksg

THANK YOU DFJSGDLK LIKE AS SOMEONE WHO ROUTINELY DOESN'T TRY TO BE A KNOW IT ALL ABOUT THINGS OR ANYTHING ... when i DO share my knowledge and like my thoughts on things that i'm interested in and passionate abt and ppl are like . rude abt it for no reason it just jars me bc like . i wasn't talking...about anyone in particular ... i couldn't name a single fic by name that used any of those words bc i don't sit around writing a little hit list for ppl who write things i don't like jsgfdk but yeah it was just very offputting bc i said things in the tags of a post not about anyone, then someone asked me to elaborate and i got excited and talked abt my knowledge on smth, and then yknow everything else happened so i was like . what abt me being particular about word usage was so upsetting?

but yeah if there's one thing i know for sure, it's writing. construction wise, i am aware that like . i have more knowledge on it than the average person that i encounter (not even saying that's bad for them im saying that it's kind of a blessing and a curse) so i notice shit other ppl don't and i'm aware of things people don't even catch!!

a way to explain it kinda is like . y'know how in some neurodivergent people, they can analyze and find patterns in what seem to be unrelated situations to outside perspectives? that's me, but i am like. aggressively proofreading every single bit of text i read dsjlfsdjflk this is coming from someone who is so admittedly neurotic about words and letters and linguistics that like . i will re-do my keysmashes if i don't like them... and if i still don't like them i will literally manually edit it letter by letter until it puts me at ease 😭 like i look at subtitles on tv (which i have to have bc my fixation on the physical words is what keeps me paying attention and i lose focus otherwise) and will correct the grammar like . out loud . i see writing mistakes in professional settings and it makes me agitated !! my mom and i literally went head to head last night abt the difference between "broken" and "separated" and she was very surprised that like . (1) i didn't back down at all (2) when we were done she realized that i was . right the entire time !!! as someone who hates when people just start being know-it-alls, i try very very hard not to be one !! i just Know What I'm Talking About and won't pretend otherwise yknow?

ANYWAY thank you for letting me say my piece again sjdgkfd i'm glad you don't think i was just . being stubborn and loud and ignorant or whatever bc those are things i never want to be !! (honestly i can be stubborn..... and i can def be loud...... but they aren't usually at the same time...... but if there's one thing i dont think could ever describe me, it's "ignorant" so . yeah)

but yeah :( i mean i think that i also have a knowledge of it that surpasses many typical native english speakers i've encountered ?? so i can talk to someone whose first and only language is english and we had similar educational experiences and i'll still find mistakes in things they say but i don't say anything abt it yknow? also i have come a very long way bc i used to physically cringe when i saw/heard particularly bad mistakes !! i am not like that anymore !!!

so yeah idk i just have a huge amount of respect for the rules of languages (i was like this in latin class and in spanish class–i understood the rules immediately and was like . exceptionally good at both subjects–on paper; i get very nervous speaking spanish out loud bc i don't want to mess up jdsfglk but i wrote very well and read spanish very well AND understand it for the most part if the person speaks slowly enough for me to get it) so it rly does just confuse/bother me when ppl just . don't care ig? i use bother in the circumstance of like. someone having a problem with me liking language rules ig? bc if you don't care that's fine i'll just avoid engaging w you abt stuff like that but if someone has a problem with me ... enjoying the rules of a language.... i don't rly know what that has to do with anyone idk but it's fine ig!!

[gg-astrology]

heyy! one of my friends is a cap sun/merc/venus/mars + a virgo moon and talking to him can get so EXHAUSTING and it's not just me saying this, a lot of other people i know say the same thing but i'm looking through the astrology point of view and i wanted to hear your thoughts on it. also is it true that virgo moons can be emotionally detached/have trouble expressing their emotions or does that depend on their other placements?

hey there! 💙🖤❤️ i totally get what you mean, I know someone like that too.. but I have to say this, once again, (as a precaution) try not form opinions of the sign/placements based on bad experiences. Just moving forward, in order to learn techniques and stuff properly. This is just a precaution to keep in mind?

About and For the Virgo Moon Person ⬇️

🚫long post 🚫

So…how do i say this.. virgo moons… they think alot because they want to help? that’s their mode of caring? 

In a way, being useful/thinking logically is how they provide help for others. Even if people don’t like them, virgo moon’s detachment stems more bc they care about others than an actual detachment/isolation itself (i.e. see aquarius  detachment as well, but of a different kind than virgo).

I think it’s that kind of thing y know - like, detaching ur emotions so u can still offer objectives first. But in a way they also like to over-analyze and over-think a lot of stuff. Especially emotions and how to deal with it/process it moving forward. I think that’s why a part of the archetype is those of a giver and ultimately self-sacrificial, because they will put other priorities before themselves - whether it’s people, objectives, or getting their views across to help the situation. 

Even if they bury or suppress their own sensitivity and emotions a lot of the time in order to do that (provide help/offer assistance/support). It’s a good idea to keep in mind that they are burying it underneath. 

Let’s look at it from their perspective for a second - you’ve probably already realized this (or if not, it’s never a bad thing to look at it again and maybe realize how empathetic they can be) - they process emotions themselves very logically, so when others come to them for help - they tend to give advice/reflect that back in the same manner, without getting too attached to the emotional side of things (being capable vs being too emotional). 

However, they ARE sensitive to the environment - to people around them + what is sourced. If they can’t identify the problem/isn’t sensitive to that - then they wouldn’t be able to offer any advice regarding it. It’s good to keep in mind, that the moon receives energy from others. So when their advice is criticized, thrown away, hurled back or hurled at them. They may hide behind a mask of indifference (bc, again, logic and understanding rationally that not everyone can like you) – but it does still hurt. 

That kind of creates a loop contributing to how they suppress or have difficulties occasionally with expressing themselves, or letting themselves talk about stuff freely. Because as much as they want to help - sometimes they think they’re not translating well, or is not helpful to others, the idea of what they’re giving being the opposite of helpful - wasteful or a burden - sometimes repels them too (more like, ‘if it repels them personally it would repel others as well’. That’s how they’d think about it.) 

So. You can imagine what that would be like if you’re stuck in a loop of trying to be the Best Version of Yourself Possible (that you think is needed/that you’re proud of or accepted yourself as) but not being actually accepted by others - it’s kind of a hard life to have?? Virgo/Pisces have this thing where being accepted is nice, is what makes it - ultimately fulfilling. They have a role in the universe and a function - and sometimes it’s just hitting and hitting a metal bar until something fits - whether its a place, person, environment, life. That’s when it’s truly ok to feel accepted. 

I guess the best way to say this is that Virgos can think sometimes that emotions get in the way - which can be true - of fixing things. And that’s how they function? 

I can totally understand your frustration - especially if the person has a lot of Capricorn as well (wanting to be right, prideful, wanting to be Good and the Best even if they can be low-key about it!) - but, again, this is just very earthian. And ultimately - if you’re asking for my perspective, they deserve some empathy. They’re not? really doing harm to anyone. And sometimes it’s just that. 

I don’t blame the person altogether, I think it’s an everyone’s problem where no one’s developed or doing well enough to accept each other which is a? thing that happens sometimes in groups and maturity (the idea of developing). A boat is being balanced, someone needs more help than others because they’re rocking it with their own personal problems - but it takes a team to actually keep it together and not throw them overboard. 

You don’t have to be friends with those you know you can’t handle right now, I’m just saying 1. look out for yourself, your own boundaries and mental well-being 2. hopefully this will help with empathizing with the person in question a little bit more. At least keeping in mind that they have their own perspective and emotional stuff too. and 3. If things don’t work out right now - don’t worry about it. Time is a long long journey, and people can grow and change - doesn’t mean you have to be there or be obligated to that.

Anyways, as an ending note I just wanted to say I do think Earth moons all kind of have similar problems with opening up - but emotional detachment doesn’t mean they don’t have emotions inside. It’s good to keep that in mind! 

If you need any advice on how to help this Virgo Moon person - usually offering detailed and logical advice right back analyzing the topic (whatever it is, like, hey lets talk about boundaries, or hey lets talk about how we both want to be treated?) tends to help. I think they’d appreciate it, just as long as it remains neutral and not a personal attack/direct criticism. They’re still a mutable earth sign, so they CAN get slippery if the tone isn’t right skkskskskkd but - otherwise, I think just spelling it out to them on how to DO stuff that you (and others) are comfortable with is nice. 

The problem with this combination is that they don’t KNOW if nobody teaches them. They don’t know what people expect, what other people require, they’re trying to do their best figuring it out themselves and trying to provide from their own perspective. Feedback really helps, but done so in a way that’s like proposing a new concept to discuss/discover together. Rather than a criticism of how shitty they made someone feel.

I hope this helps?? 💙🖤❤️ Again, if you’re interested in learning about this astrologically - try not to have prejudice by learning archetypes of these signs. It tends to help, alongside the placements. 

I think most of the time we’re trying to line up our experience with what we’ve learnt, simultaneously at the same time. But sometimes we miscalculate and turn into our experiences over-blinding what we should learn. I recommend reading up on what the planet does as well - if you’re looking into further details about the topic! As it tends to help.

Right.. so. Hm! I can’t take all the credit for this myself, since I did have a long discussion with my friend who’s an Aquarius/Virgo. I think they’re very empathetic, and it helped me a lot with how I wanted to form this answer. So I’m gonna add in some excerpt incase it helps:

Aquarius/Virgo friend: 

“i process emotions w a logical approach and when ppl for some come to me for help I’m v much able to help them and give them advice without getting emotionally attached at all? this sounds bad bc it sounds like im not emotionally supporting the person truly nhhhdh yeah it can be useful for advice and knowing how to go on from a bad situation nd move on but it’s not always ideal since. duh. feelings r made to… be felt.. properly” 

“but emotionally detached like FR…. idk man…. i think we care a lot abt people, we always want to help nd we’re not ok if they’re not. virgos r actually v sensitive to their environment and how others r feeling as well”

“and true i do feel like all earth signs have issues w expressing emotions. they’re grounded nd they know themselves… so they all think they’re self sufficient. or want to be or whatever. but ofc it’s not true y'all do need somEone sometimes. but its hard bc everyone relies on earth signs i think… so yeah”

“take good care of Virgos. we’re sensitive. we need love. we want people to like and need us. we’ve been through more than u know. yes i will process that you don’t like me logically but i do care deep down, I’ll just bury it so I don’t stop being logical. bye”

“also as u know we’re really good over analyzers nd over thinkers nd w that being said pls reply u were typing but didnt send did i say something wrong i hope i didnt but i idk idk what I’m talking about but  am i dumb??? reply plsssksskkjsjd where are u…   but then we never send these despite thinking them bc it’s an earth sign supposed 2 be cool for everyone nd grounded all the time”

   So! 💙🖤❤️ They’re kind of worriers! 💙🖤❤️ But they’re pretty harmless and nice once they learn how to relax and be chill a little bit more. I guess I’m saying sometimes you just gotta sit a cap/virgo down and be like my dude… mayhaps not?? and be done with it!! 💙🖤❤️ I hope this helps! 💙🖤❤️💙🖤❤️ 

[zettaiunmeis]

zamaya 4 the ship questions?

So... this is late af,,, im sorry?

Who said “I love you” first

Zari. When they start their relationship, zari’s kinda the nervous one. shes not good w feelings and shes pretty inexperienced with romance, and in general, shes not particularly the kind of person whod be well equipped to deal with the l-bomb and amaya knows this. so even though amaya has always felt that pull between them, something that even the connection between their totems couldnt fully explain, she doesnt say anything, even though shes loved zari almost as long as shes known her. but as their relationship progresses, zari becomes more confident in herself, in her own ability to process feelings, in her own capability to be an adequate romantic partner, but amaya still... she isnt sure. she knows zari is more confident, understands that shes in a better place, emotionally, than before, but shes still afraid that saying i love you too soon will scare zari away, so she keeps it to herself, even as zari starts working up the courage to tell amaya she loves her. and like, since this is zamaya, i feel zari’ll end up saying i love you over something small but meaningful? like, idk maybe right before they go to sleep, when both of them are like half asleep and then amaya wakes up in the middle of the night like, wait a minute did she jus- and then she shakes zari awake and in the midst of zaris complaints about being woken up, she almost yells i love you too. and zari, still sleeping, is just like, neat. and then she’ll wake up the next morning and fucking kick herself because amaya just told me she loved me and i fucking said neat

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background

Both. In 2042, taking pictures could be a safety hazard -- if you lost it or if your camera was hacked, someone might be able to use the information in it to target you or the people you care about -- so Zari never really had the opportunity to have a picture of her family as her background or anything. So, when Zari joins the legends, she gets Gideon to help her get some surveillance shots that were taken of her and her brother by ARGUS drones to set as her phone’s background. But after she gets together with Amaya and sort of deals with her issues (thanks to the Bureau issued therapist that Ava recommended they go to), she decides to change the background to a picture she has of Amaya at the very top of a 1960s ferris wheel, bathed by the light of a sunset. And the next week she changes it to a picture of Amaya laughing at something Nate says while they’re all getting ready in the fabrication room. And then she changes it again and again basically once a week because she finds herself taking as many pictures as she can of everyone she cares about -- just in case -- and that means an abundance of pictures of Amaya. 

When she finds out that no-one ever really taught Amaya to chance the background of her phone screen (it wasn’t intentional -- Nate meant to teach her but Constantine challenged him to a naked yoga contest and he had to accept), she takes it upon herself to do so and takes a silly selfie of the two of them on Amaya’s phone and sets it to the background. Amaya doesn’t really change hers. She likes that particular photograph because Zari is smiling widely in it, and she looks so??? happy????

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror

Zari. she wakes up about forty minutes after amaya tries -- and fails -- to wake her up before going for her hour long run/training with sara, and she just goes and gets ready. but she does timing stuff so that she ends up leaving the bathroom around five minutes before amaya gets back, and she leaves messages in the fog bc she knows amaya loves seeing them

Who buys the other cheesy gifts

Zari. Again, this comes down to the fact that zari just didn’t grow up with a lot of material possessions, so its like, she wants to spoil her gf and shower her with presents and stuff.

Who initiated the first kiss

Amaya. Idk what id go with for the first kiss for these two, but like,,, whatever scenario it is, i feel like at the beginning of their relationship zari’s the one whos like “but does she like me?” when amaya is literally asking if she can kiss her (consent is sexy babes) so, amaya sort of ends up initiating the first kiss through zaris gay obliviousness

Who kisses the other awake in the morning

Amaya. Shes the early to rise type, and zaris the fuck that sunshine shit type, and that means that amaya spends about ten minutes every morning trying to wake up zari before she goes on her daily run (which, when they’re on the ship, equates to going to the lab/gym/jail cell room thing (rlly what the fuck iS that room?)) before giving up and leaving for her hour long morning workout with sara. but that “try to wake up zari” routine doeS, in fact, involve copious amounts of kisses. 

Who starts tickle fights

Zari. Amaya isn’t great at most video games, but after Zari starts teaching her, she has these spurts of like,,, extra luck! and stuff like that. so whenever amaya’s winning, zari will drop her controller and start tickling her and amaya will start protesting between laughs that itS!!! UNSPORTSMANLIKE!!!! and zari will kiss her and then the tickle fight will.... no longer be a tickle fight. 

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower

Amaya… but only sometimes. like, sometimes, she’ll get back from her run/workout a bit earlier than usual, so those times, shell go and knock on the bathroom door and most of those days, zari will complain for an hour about how her hands are now wrinkly and soft and how it makes practicing the violin so!!! much!!! harder!!!!

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch

Amaya. She really likes cooking and baking and stuff, and zaris the kind of person who goes and sits at her computer with like,,, a party size bag of chips and finishes them all off in an hour and wishes she got something more, but is too involved in her work to want to like,,, physically? get up and get them? and amaya knows this so she’ll make something amazingly good and like, stand at the door while zari is working so she can drag her out for lunch bc otherwise zaRI YOULL STARVE 

Who was nervous and shy on the first date

Zari. She’s never really? Done this whole... romance thing. Like has she liked ppl? Yes. Has she ever acted on her crushes? hA HA HA. So she kind of feels lowkey inexperienced compared to amaya, and she tries to hide it, but its clear shes feeling a bit insecure abt everything. 

Who kills/takes out the spiders

AMAYA. Shes an animal goddess so she doesnt even have to take it out. She just sort of says “hey would you mind moving so i can get to the flour?” and its just.... does? meanwhile, zari, a vigilante with avatar powers, whos looked into the face of evil fairy godmothers and lived to tell the tale, is cowering in the background, telling amaya to “gET RID OF IT, BABE, IM BEGGING”

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk

Zari doesn’t drink, so I guess Amaya, but she doesn’t get drunk very often so. Its mostly just the two of them cuddling and laughing while the rest of the team gets drunk off their asses and starts doing stupid shit. Zari films everyone else tho lmao, and she gets Gideon to play the video of their antics at the highest possible volume while they all file into the galley with hangovers at the next mealtime

[rimurutempest-bounced]

questions for neurodivergent folks ( from @shitborderlinesdo )

post here!

if ur autistic:

1. do you stim?

yes, sometimes! i’ve suppressed a lot of it over time but i still do some subtly.

 if so, what are yr favourite stims? 

touching/tapping the tips of my fingers together, stroking soft patches of skin(esp backs of my hands, wrists, or parts of my thighs, hips, ankles), cracking knuckles, stretching fingers/feet/arms/legs rly far, rapid blinking(though i also have a tic involving blinking which is similar, but involuntary), bubble wrap,flicking light switches/door lock mechanisms, bouncing on toes, toewalking, chewing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(esp pens/pen caps and similar textures), biting, mouthing/lipping things, clacking my teeth lightly, whistling, leg jiggle sometimes, jumping, skipping, hopping, and a few other rly specific things (like involving swimming, or being on something and hanging so im upside down and stuff)

2. happy stims? chewing, biting, skin stroking, finger tapping, skipping, hopping, jumping 3. negative stims? snapping fingers, “hiccuping” (it’s a little giggle/hiccup type thing i do, but idk what to call it), teeth clacking, leg jiggle, exposing too long to extreme cold temps, hitting head against things 4. favourite textures? idk how to explain the soft-smooth i like; silk usually looks like it should feel like this, but it doesn't. also when people talk about “plush velvet” the texture that comes to mind is good, like a really nice stuffed animal or a cavalier king charles spaniel with super soft fur, but real velvet feels bad lol. also just most fur in general, esp rabbit, cat, certain dogs. some wing or chest feathers on birds like doves. milk weed fluff. soft, squishy, fuzzy caterpillars(not the bristly guard hair ones. more like forest tent caterpillars), moon jellies, soft leather/suede, really smooth grey granite, polished shiny pink granite, lambs ear/mullein 5. least favourite textures? some types of linen are VERY BAD but idk what they are, they’re like stiff and scratchy and feel super cold? gummy bears, ew. really hard chocolate in cold ice cream, a lot of faux furs, like so many, most (sheep)wool, scallops, often times chinchilla fur feels bad, most velvet, esp crushed velvet, potato sacks, a lot of plastic bags/thin plastic film 6. what's a pet peeve of urs involving a specific sound? squeaky plastic is the worst, esp from plastic wrap. teeth grinding/bruxing is bad, hearing people having sex in another room/apt, heavy footsteps/stomping, esp when fast like running, door slamming, when people slam their hands on a table because they just thought of something, the sound quality of like...having water in your ears/popped ear drums, where everything feels muffled and almost whispery/far away, but also REALLY LOUD AND CLOSE... 7. a specific sound that makes you Really Happy? al snoring softly like a cat, my cat snoring, cats purring, crackling fires, wind whistling, waves lapping, thunder rumbling, THUNDER CRACKING, wood creaking in a strong wind, that soft snuffling of cat/dog noses, the sound of rodents digging in bedding or eating millet, angel caller bells(bola, fairy callers, whatever you call them) 8. when were you diagnosed (self or professionally)? about 6 years ago what has changed with the diagnosis? i dont hate myself for as much of my behaviours/thinking/speech patterns. im slowly trying to let myself let go of “survival mode” NT behaviours i was forced to learn 9. are there any behaviours you have that, prior to diagnosis, didnt make much sense, but now they do? too many to list lmao 10. what kind of representation would you like to see of autistic ppl in media? girls, trans folks, autistics of colour, just less cis white boy perfect example savants. autistics with “atypical” autistic symptoms. autistics with ugly meltdowns and other unpleasant symptoms. autistics who are messy eaters, who can’t dress themselves, who struggle with everyday tasks and self care. autistics with “useless” special interests that cant be reworked to make them more productive genius types. LOUD autistics.  

if ur mentally ill:

11.when were you diagnosed (self or professional)?

6 yrs old or younger

12. what is your diagnosis/are your diagnoses?

BPD, (various types of)depression, DPD/social anxiety(when i’m alone)/agoraphobia, panic disorder NOS, mood disorder NOS, DID, ADD/ADHD-PI, ASD, gender dysphoria at one point, conduct disorder or whatever it was called. IED. all i can think of. all diagnosed professionally over the years, though ASD is not on any official records because i asked it to be left off to avoid that specific abuse/stigma.

13. is the community youve found with other mentally ill ppl helpful?

mostly no. but in some ways, yes. i appreciate having more access to info, hearing relatable stories, common symptoms/experiences that help me understand things better, etc. close friends with illnesses/disorders are nice, but mostly i know them for other reasons outside of diagnoses.

14. do you find it challenging to tell ppl yr mentally ill?

absolutely

15. what are the most effective coping mechanisms youve found?

im not sure. i just...cope? somehow? not always effectively, but idk.

16. have you ever been to therapy?

ya

if yes, what helped and what didnt help?

i hate group therapy. in individual therapy, i like having my husband sit in on the sessions for support. therapist NEEDS to prompt me and ask active and specific questions. setting clear goals with clear steps helps. a lot of more “creative” methods actually are super unhelpful for me.

17. do "find your happy place" exercises help you or no?

sort of? i don’t try them much. usually they make me sadder that im not there.

18. what are some of the most Tiresome Cliches ppl tell you to deal with yr mental illness (i.e., "just do yoga!")? 

“everyone gets depressed”, “yoga”, “fresh air, sunlight, and exercise!”, “essential oils”, “meditation”, “_______ diet/supplement”, “mind over matter”, “lose some weight” (THIS DOES NOT MEAN NONE OF THESE CAN BE HELPFUL AND I DO WANT TO DO SOME OF THESE THINGS, BUT STATING THE OBVIOUS ABOUT THIS SHIT AND BEING CONDESCENDING IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING)

19. what books / movies have really helped u?

none in this regard

20. what kind of representation would u like to see of mentally ill ppl in media?

idk. better. sympathetic without condescentding, infantilising, or demonising. sympathetic recovery stories, showing a happy ending, but not some “theyre cured” BS

if ur chronically ill:

21. when were you diagnosed (self or professionally)?

asthma - like 4 yrs old, tendonitis - like 13 yrs old, unspecified pain/inflammation - 2019 professionally (like 2011 ish on my own, but really it started when i was ~13), nocturnal epilepsy - not done with diagnosis process/testing as of july 2019, a few chronic infections that don’t affect me any more were diagnosed when i was a kid, idk

22. do you find the support system with other similarly affected ppl to be helpful?

i’ve not been involved much, tried it out, really

23. what do you struggle w most on a daily basis?

pain/inflammation/stiffness in joints, back, neck, shoulders, feet

24. what helps you most?

i wanna say sleep, but it actually makes everything worse so, new diet(anti inflammation), making goals/plans, spirituality, going to healing places like the woods or by the sea or mountains, massage, soft comforting petting from my husband

25. what do you want to tell able-bodied and neurotypical ppl in regards to chronic illness?

it’s not the same. yeah maybe “everyone has back pain”, but my pain and your pain are different; they happen for different reasons and they affect us in different ways. if everyone is in pain we should do something to make life easier for everyone, not dismiss people who are suffering.

26. how do u keep your strength on a daily basis? i dont

27. if yr family supportive?

mostly yeah?

if not, who do you find the most strength and support in, outside of yourself?

my husband, regardless

28. what kind of representation would you like to see of chronically ill ppl in media?

show me people who find creative, easy, free/cheap ways to be comfortable/improve symptoms. do not fucking cure them to make them happy. let them be happy and comfortable by finding new ways to do things, no by erasing their obstacles.

if u have bpd:

29. when were u diagnosed (self or professionally)?

2014, i think? though it was suggested by a therapist in like 2008 or 2009

30. do you think the support system in the community is helpful?

no

31. what are some of the ways you keep yrself grounded and remind yrself to Take a Step Back when bad feelings get in the way of rational thinking?

remind myself other people have autonomy, think about how i would feel if someone reacted to things i was doing the way my brain wants to impulsively react to them, talk talk talk, find something else to do as distraction

32. coping skills?

idfk what they are, they’re just there. usually.

33. how do u keep yrself in check when impulsive mood swings come around?

uh, mostly i covered this in 31. gotta reset focus on something else, find distraction that produces different emotions until mood passes

34. what skills do you use to remind yourself that you are loved?

husband. doesnt always work, but mostly.

35. who has been the most supportive of u?

husband.

36. how has your diagnosis changed the way you view yrself and yr interactions w other ppl?

more mindful of others feelings and needs, esp my mum with BPD

37. what kind of representation would you like to see of ppl w bpd in media?

not fucking abusive/manipulative or miserable. let us struggle but have great supports and practice effective coping skills so we can build stronger relationship bonds and enjoy socializing and/or things that are personally important

all ppl:

38. how do you deal w ableism that comes at you from all directions?

laugh about it with my friends i guess?

39. who in your life is the most supportive of u and yr recovery?

husband

40. who are some people on tumblr who have really helped u in yr journey?

well, i met cieran here. alice has been a good influence. there’s a few of you for sure, though maybe not all specifically for these sorts of things.

41. best coping skills?

i dont know

42. most irritating Ableist Cliches ppl use to tell u yr not good enough?

infantilizing me(comparing me to a child), mocking my productivity/commercial success, “daddy issues”, trying to gaslight me into thinking i’ve been abusive because we disagree on something/i pointed out something they dont like

43. best most supportive thing anyone's said to you? 

“i want to be like you when i grow up”

44. songs for Happy Times?

counting stars, gooey, just about anything by MIKA, most “meme” songs

45. songs for Not-Happy Times?

a lot of hozier, bastille, of monsters and men, rage against the machine, flobots

46. non-triggering movies that discuss mental illness?

im not sure, i know there are some i love that i could list, but none are coming to mind. not a movie but: moomin and most ghibli media, esp kiki’s delivery service.

[yvngbin]

hello i’m arriving to the party an entire day late and this is Not Surprising at All to anybody who knows me slightly well because i’m late to everything. said late writer is ya boy , felix  ! i’m 20, i use he / him pronouns, annnd you don’t wanna know about me, you want to know about actual Nerd incarnate , yongbin .

his stats are here ,  bio is being rewritten because my dumbass deleted it from my drive , and all i have left to say is that you can like this if you want me to message you on here or discord to plot instead, since i’m usually faster on there … usually …

note: talks of surgery / birth defects,  &  kinda nsfw

⦑ felix. / 20. / gmt. / he/him. ⦒ woah ! tell me i did not just see cho yong bin walk past us, they’re the child of the cho family right ? they’re twenty three now, so i wonder if they’re here training to become an anarchist hacker. i heard they’re really intuitive & vexatious, so i’d say stay away from them unless you really wanna try your luck. no wonder they’re so notorious though, with the face of byun baekhyun i’d be interested in them as well. anyway, back to what i was saying. - yongbin, pain in the ass, and his most common sobriquet, zero ( name’s inspired by binary code btw ) , was a self taught anarchist hacker , but he sure as hell hasn’t been doing it for free all this time. he’s immensely adept and writes concise code and thoroughly enjoys annoying people and wreaking havoc in that precise order.

- hacker is kind of a blanket term, bin’s speciality was in blackmail, identity theft, exploiting vulnerabilities in various networks and systems, and causing all sorts of chaos online. when he was younger and before he was intimately familiar with the academy, he offered out his services to online rebel groups ( both good and bad ) and wasn’t officially apart of any system or group.

- this was subject to change a few years later when he was caught out on a slight mistake tracing back to his ip, assessed by an official representative of the school, who was impressed by his abilities and offered him an ultimatum: to join the academy or go to a detention camp.

- behind the screen bin was born with a pretty serious congenital heart defect. he needed surgery to survive, if only temporarily. every ten years or so, he’d have to do the same, with more or less no guarantee that they would all be successful. ( i would like to think that when he joined the academy some sort of technology maestro has helped him w / his respiratory issues so lmk if there’s a potential plot link there )

- bin is also an orphan who went through a very jaded system . he never knew his parents and frankly doesn’t care to know them, but little does he know that they have been tracing him from birth and were the sole reason why he got his place in the first place, ultimately unable to take care of him when their careers, both arms dealers, were too dangerous for a kid. his craft and experiences with life has made him instinctively cynical about his parents’ generation so like.. trusting an institution full of teachers their age was not and would never have been an ‘ideal’ for him. 

- his part time job used to be at a pc repair shop and he liked working there a lot, most people would question why he’d ultimately then go on to ruin a life he was happy with just to constantly risk getting into trouble. yongbin’s answer ? Because he’s Chaotic Neutral Thats Why

- socially, surprisingly unlike how most hackers are portrayed as nerds w sellotape on their glasses n a pocket protector ( he has a pocket protector but thats besides the point ) zero is outgoing in school and onwards, liked seeing what other people were interested in, pushing boundaries and keeping up with his friends just by listening and absorbing information.

- he isn’t exactly well liked, because his brain to mouth filter malfunctioned a lot of times which caused friction, But he definitely knows how to make and maintain friendships if you can handle him vanishing off the face of the earth and replying to your text from two weeks ago at 4 am like wyd

PERSONALITY

- zero’s life has mostly been not very fun, and he definitely realises this, but he’s not really the type to sit around and cry about it. mostly, he tries to take it with a stiff upper lip and a good sense of humour. he’s snarky and dry and enjoys getting into cyber-wars with other comp nerds in his limited friendship group. he definitely also enjoys sending lil viruses to other ppl in hearst just to let you know just how much your firewall sucks

- he’s got a real bad habit of getting wayyy in over his head with things. he’s like, a lil bit of a troublemaker — a back-talking, muttering under his breath, sneaking into places he shouldn’t, kind of troublemaker, but nothing too offensive. however, he sometimes gets into Actual Trouble because he makes the world’s worst choices and follows the world’s worst people’s advice. his personal motto is, “oh fuck. why?”

- he can be affectionate and immensely appreciative of anyone who’s genuinely kind toward him, even if his pride won’t let him come right out and say so. he’s p creative and resourceful — definitely can think you out of a pinch, even if he’s not so great at solving his own shit.

- friend wise, he’s attentive and thoughtful; sharp as a tack, funny as anything, and would totally rather help you out with your problems than get into deep discussions about his because opening that big ol book of issues is not gonna be fun for Anybody - romantically he’s inwardly pansexual for a long while but to people around him that probably.. wouldn’t be that big of a surprise. don’t talk to him about real love though he really is a computer machine with 0 emotions in that realm

tinie headcanon list because ive been slowly gathering them in my head for Days

-  has a handful of piercings on his ears , but the one he’s known for most is his labret piercing

- has a chameleon called cookie and donates to a dog shelter wherein his favourite stray dog ( known as flash ) lives. and yes he’s naming them after computer terms. no he wont Reconsider

- proud owner of 1 terabyte of hentai stored on his external hard drive that he’d gladly d*e for n is not ashamed of it in the slightest this zone is kink shame free !!!!

- loves to go exploring around the grimier parts of the academy and places you rlly wouldn’t expect him to be to clear his mind. abandoned classrooms, warehouses, etc.

- talk to him about conspiracy theories about alien life forms for a friend

- has absolutely awful hand eye co-ordination despite it playing in to a big part of their training so just know he’s probably dying first, or just teach him to throw a punch and not somehow hurt himself ? Blease

- sticks his tongue out while he’s hacking or doing anything that requires concentration. can’t multi-task and will ignore everything in his general surroundings to give 110 percent to whatever he’s doing.

- is a scorpio so sorry u cant trust anything he says i dont make the rules the astrological gods do

that’s all i’ve got up to now and i hope this gives you a bit of background into what he’s about. i think i’ll finish here before i write more trash so [ hacker voice ] im out

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

HI HOW DO YOU WRITE CHARACTERS

hewwo! i can answer this! im literally gonna do a quick list of both deh and bmc characters for u under this readmore! :D

im gonna start with deh because smaller cast!

evan: 

isn’t so much stuttery as he tends to repeat things and uh stammer a bit here and there. stutters over his words sometimes but it’s more l-like this and uh, like… like this

evan hansen has anxiety. he is not anxiety. evan hansen fucks up and makes mistakes and probably internalizes a lot of things. very polite when in public but he can be a bit snappy (as seen w evans comment abt how zoe’s parents have never been poor i believe? it was something he said to zoe)

soft spoken, most of the time. probably not the kind of guy to vocally ask for things until he’s at a comfortable enough point that he feels like he’s not bothering you (same buddy)

i see evan as someone who gets frustrated with himself easily. not as a sense of “god i wish i were normal” but more of a “i should be able to do this, why cant i do this, i want to do this but i cant” because sometimes it’s just a matter of i literally cant do this and i dont know why? and god its so frustrating sometimes

jared:

jared kleinman is a fucking asshole and he knows it. very sarcastic and uses it to cover up his own insecurities, probably the kind of dude who laughs in your face when you tell him off when internally he’s just OH FUCK OH SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK

a lot of ppl write jared as being insecure abt his weight and tbh i don’t see that being a problem for him? i see jared as being insecure abt the fact he comes off very snarky and assholeish but he turns it around and tries to own it even though… that’s not something you want to be proud of? and he knows that

not the kind of dude who stops to assess his feelings. he powers through shit and insists he’s okay until he’s out of steam. i think it was psy who said he’s a “needs therapy boi” and tbh she’s right? 

can be very passive aggressive imo it’s something he really needs to work on.

arrogant, sarcastic, and just a big fucking dick who needs to learn how to watch his mouth.

zoe:

not an pure baby angel, by any means. we’re at a disadvantage because we only see zoe when she’s sort of grieving (because grief can and will come in different ways, and while i see her as not missing connor, i do think that her pushing away her feelings is a form of her grieving imo? it’s a weird thing to explain but there’s a part of zoe that does miss (the old) connor’s presence as w the fake emails evan “gave her her brother back” (albeit a very fake version of connor) and sort of standoffish when it comes to the subject of connor

a bit of an ambivert. extremely outgoing when she’s around her friends or when it comes to music and other things she loves.

very individualistic! her style tends to have doodles on her clothes, she dyes her hair a lot, she probably would be the kind of person to make her own jewelry!

very sweet. the castng call for zoe describes her as being the kind of person who learns the names of the kids who sit alone at lunch and thats she goes out of her way to be nice to people since. connor. yeah.

thats all ive got for zoe but u can always send questions in and i can say yes or no after i ask my pals too

alana:

smart gal! valedictorian! president! i love her! tends to overshare a bit. anxiety + depression gal.

probably into gardening tbh? i can see alana having succulents in her room and maybe a dog that just chills with her.

dont be afraid to make alana mouthy. alana is someone whos extremely headstrong in her actions imo and does what she believes is right, even if others dont believe that. like… think about the fact that she literally published what was believed to be connor’s suicide note because she thought it’d get them the last bit of help they needed for the orchard. it literally fucked the murphys over - but she never considered that?

very much an extrovert. just really wants to belong, man. very optimistic on the surface but i can see her being a little less so underneath. she looks on the bright side because if she doesnt, she doesnt know who will and idk i dont think alana’s the kind of person who just... lets that risk be there.

connor:

we dont kno much abt connor in canon but uhhh…. i can see connor as being a loner, sort of aggressive by accident (tbh this dude’s probably used to people being a dick to him so he’s just sorta standoffish in response) but like… whenever i write connor i usually write him as getting better? he’s gotten the help he needs and he’s doin better 

artsy depressed dude. poetry, painting, ect - whatever u want tbh. i just see connor, with help, finding himself in art or something creative (theatre and music included! u do u!)

very much a reader. this dude both has a lot of books on his bookshelf and a lot more books he hasnt fucking read because hes terrible at reading new books. (i personally hc he loves all of poe’s work)

to sorta sum connor up: bold, but not outgoing. caring, but not obvious with it (once he gets help btw). easily angered but sometimes he just doesn’t fucking know why and that frustrates him further. troubled.

honestly if u want to see one of my fave connors - check out @ask-sincerely-memes​! i rly love how they portray all three of the boys, but connor is by far my favorite! (mod con and/or mod ev if u read this i love u)

OK ONTO THE BMC FUCKERS if you want to kno abt the adults for either show then feel free to ask

jeremy:

anxiety boy, but not evan hansen level of anxiety. more just… self deprecating, not super confident in himself, probably underestimates himself a lot.

jeremys hard to explain sometimes because a lot of his actions and dialogue comes naturally since i can actually relate to jeremy a lot, personality-wise? a really good fact to throw out there is i don’t think jeremy’s the kind of guy who just goes for stuff sometimes. he has to sorta be hyped up by others imo. michael motivated him to sign up for the play, rich and michael both played parts in getting him squipped (michael in the aspect of “lets check this out and see if its legit” bc i doubt jeremy would have genuinely done that on his own).

which really means jeremy isnt the kind of guy to just… confess things, unless it’s built up enough (i.e. jeremys confrontation w reader in unlonely since it was a conversation he’d been thinking about for a bit). in canon, he didnt really… confess to christine without the help of alcohol (at the halloween party) or without other people building him up (voices in my head). 

im literally rereading jeremy fics rn because im trying to come up with a good way of describing him

extremely horny teenage boy. hormones suck. for anyone who writes nsfw: i dont see jeremy being incredibly kinky and sexual and dominant (god forbid) his first fucking time having sex. especially if its both him and the readers first time. sex can be clumsy. you can laugh during sex. but also sex smells. like… once you’ve smelled it, you fucking know it - its just a weird combo of sweat and bodily fluids. 

that last part was just a PSA for ppl.

lightweight boy. a lot bolder when drunk. thank you.

honestly if u have any questions abt jeremy, i can try to answer them more specifically but this is as general as i can get.

michael

not an uwu anxious depressed innocent baby boy uwu. remember that michael literally withheld the mtn dew red from jeremy because he wanted an apology. remember that michael wouldnt have been squipped because michael had been completely comfortable with who he is. michael likes his place. he doesn’t want to be cool and popular - he likes who he is. michael in the bathroom was a peak moment of michael finally letting go of emotions he’d been withholding - jeremy calling him a “loser” was the final straw that broke him. thank u this has been a psa.

a goofy boy. probably snorts when he laughs and im not projecting there what are you talking about-

okay, canonically: likes video games, likes retro shit (probably the kind of nerd who LIVES for arcades and record stores and vintage clothing stores even if he doesnt mix that into his personal style), very into music. there’s a lot you can do with this! 

imo he’s very caring? like. okay, yes he did withhold mtn dew red from jeremy - but michael still went through the trouble of finding and obtaining that in order to deactivate the squip. i think michael’s a fairly understanding dude, even if he has moments of anger.

just a very warm person. probably the kind of person who stops and makes sure people are okay when he notices they’re upset.

sometimes impulsive. sometimes very restless, imo. bouncy boy. 

like w jeremy - you can absolutely send me questions abt michael (or anyone tbh!) and i’ll answer them the best i can! im by no means an expert but ive got pals i can bother in order to help get a solid answer :3

christine

chriiistiiiiiiiiine, the love of my life. a gal w ADD! please don’t forget that! i personally hc that she got into a theatre as a way of like… sort of getting energy out since she’s fairly restless??? track girl christine….. also good

loves herself a lot tbh! like. in the show, its canon that she has stuff to figure out but i personally think christine loves herself and her body and is proud of who she is?

very friendly, very open, very passionate abt theatre! these are basic facts lmao

very sweet! very smart! she’s like... The Girl in all the movies that everyones like “oh no i love her” bc shes just a bubbly gal

writing christine is really hard to describe sometimes. like with all the characters, i write what feels right and sounds right to me and to others.

but like... to be honest, as long as you stay a bit happy and supportive and loving with christine - you’re on the right track.

jake

god - one of my favorite boys to write sometimes because there’s a lot to do with jake’s character

he’s the ultimate cool dude in high school. probably the kind of dude who would join a frat in college. handsome, popular, flirtatious - you fucking name it man.

sorta effortlessly popular and cool. there’s problems underneath - considering his family - but it’s hard to see that he has flaws when everything just comes so easily to him.

a very caring and sweet dude tbh. his friends mean a lot to him and he’s the kind of boy who carries your books and asks where you’re going and how you’re doing

he makes mistakes. he gets aggressive and protective and just angry physically - he did try to attack jeremy, albeit drunk, based purely on the idea that jeremy was having sex w chloe - so like... that’s a good thing to acknowledge

i said hes flirtatious and he is - without realizing it. someone probably has called him out on it and he’s like “sorry what?” bc he was caught up in talking to someone and not realizing that the dillinger charm never went off. because it never goes off. rip.

rich

GOD, my FAVORITE BOY, the LOVE OF MY LIFE, i love him.

squipped: aggressive. a bully. stinky. 0/10.

post-squipcident: getting better. sorta numb at first before happy, outgoing rich resurfaces because He’s Fine! Do Not Worry! but y’know like... he definitely has a lot of problems with what he did and who he was while he had the squip

a bit sensitive imo. easily upset on certain topics, easily angered on others. really misses his mom (i hc she died and his dad took up drinking as a coping mechanism and its mainly rich and his older brother relying on each other but thats just me tbh.)

rich is tricky to write when it comes to his home life. while i see rich’s dad as being a loud drunk, others see him as being physically abusive and so forth and - okay, that’s your decision, but please make sure you’re being respectful and you post trigger warnings because some people are in abusive homes and it’s not a fun thing to read. 

great sense of humor imo. flirtatious but in the more obvious “haha hey lets bone ;)” way. alternatively: flirtatious with squip, floundering a bit without it because all he knows is “haha hey wanna fuck” 

would probably fight a dick for his pals. rly just loves his friends even if he doesn’t show it.

chloe

chloe is a bit hard to write without saying “shes kind of a bitch” but like... she is and she knows it and she fucking owns it.

casting call: “ confident, crass, sexy, manipulative, and downright mean at times”

so like. she’s nowhere near bein a sweet angel baby uwu

has problems. explore them. she literally was down to fuck brooke’s boyfriend since jeremy was dating brooke yknow. part of it could be alcohol but like... dont ignore that fact. like. she probs needs to talk to both brooke and jeremy.

i think of chloe as someone who can see the potential in others tbh. gets slightly annoyed when people arent achieving what they could - but i like to imagine she gets it after a while since some ppl dont have confidence and such. 

yknow the kind of people that take charge when the situation calls for it? that’s chloe. she’s very much a leader. cunning, ambitious - she’s fucking ready.

brooke

more of an angel i guess? sweet, a bit insecure, and a little more caring. not very dominant in situations - tends to be more of a follower (as shown w her and chloe’s friendship)

very caring actually. she literally followed jeremy out and said “uhhh he was kind of a dick to women but i know u like eminem” upon his death in the show??? like??? she literally went to check on this boy.

imo she sorta needs to learn to be bolder. to not take shit. shes probably the kind of person who says yes to a lot of things even if they’re conflicting bc she doesn’t want to like... bother someone and make things worse

emotional, imo. fairly feminine.

its hard to keep describing sdfkjhds sorry

jenna

not popular. remember that she wanted people to be interested in her, which is why she gossips a lot

probably tends to overhear half of the gossip. other than that, i can see her easily finding shit out bc she has eyes Everywhere

bold, fairly extroverted, probably really fucking smart tbh. give her love. she deserves it.

thats both at me and everyone else. jenna rolan ily...

very much a big sister figure, post-squipcident. theres this kdrama i was watching where the main protag lives w a couple other girls and one of the oldest one of the bunch is very much a big sister figure that will call other people out on their bullshit because she knows protag isnt the kind of person to do that? thats jenna. and chloe, but mostly jenna.

probably the kind of person who wants to be helpful imo. she likes feeling useful.

[realmzenith]

elaina ! :)

lays down, mai ily. anyways?? someone pls save elaina she Needs help

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?fairly long?? but not super long it’d make her anxious. maybe twenty minutes. it’d be a different story if it was a life or death thing tho obv

How easy is it for your character to laugh?difficult. from one to ten w one being v easily she’s like a 7. but for full uninhibited laughter it’s a solid 9. she mostly smiles and when she does laugh it’s at the dumbest things

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)she’ll lurk on instagram or think which are honestly both bad ideas for her bc instagram makes her depressed bc her social life sux and thinking makes her depressed bc she’s pessimistic and tends to overthink EVERYTHINg. however sometimes she’ll be smart abt it and read a book or look at plant pics or space which will more often than not successfully allow her to relax and get some shut eye

How easy is it to earn their trust?HM not too difficult prbly a 3 if ur nice to her and ur not a complete idiot- ok well. just if ur nice to her bc she literally falls in love w josie an idiot in her storyline

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?moderately difficult she has a hard time accepting that the ppl she trusts are capable of wronging her and usually assumes it was smth she did. she’s kind of an idiot like that so yk :) she’s prbly a 6 on that one? if we’re also accounting for the ppl she moderately trusts. however if we’re only talking abt the ppl she genuinely completely trusts it’s like an 8. she’s not COMPLETELy stupid but still p stupid abt relationships

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?rules should be followed. she accepts them as a given and that they will be followed as a given. it’ll srsly throw off her game if someone starts blatantly disobeying the law in front of her even if it is just a nominal thing

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?she’s not a v emotional person? she does feel deeply but hmm i suppose she is fairly nostalgic. certain melodies played on the guitar would prbly be one of the bigger triggers. her mom used to play and she and her dad would sing like dorks but they?? kind of dont do it anymore and she misses it but she isn’t sure how to ask to do it again. it’s the same w disney movies. they don’t watch them as a fam as much as they used to anymore but they still do on occasion! as for enjoying it she doesn’t rlly like nostalgia?? but she lets herself fall into it frequently

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?she was constantly told to talk to the other kids. she’s never been v social or good w ppl as she prefers her small group of ppl she knows and is comfortable w plus she’s an only child so she’s always been forced to socialize esp in casual settings

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?not super frequently. she does say damn bc that’s just the classic xstj swear word, her first she remembers v distinctly. it was “bitch” and completely her older cousin’s fault

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?she lowkey feels like her entire life is a lie? she’s a smart gal and gets good grades easily. she’s close to the top of her class and is considered one of the smart kids. but she herself is convinced she’s painfully mediocre and despite her other talents and unique personality traits she’s like :) im sorry for lying to u all i actually have zero interesting qualities and am a drag but ofc she never voices that bc lbr insecurity? ugly and she doesn’t want to lose the few friends she does have bc she dumped her fears on everyone else. she is, as i said, a Mess

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?she almost always pretends she understands but if she doesn’t feel like there’ll be negative consequences to asking for clarification and she’s feeling confident she’ll bluntly ask the other person to clear things up for her esp in a business type setting such as school projects, etc. it’s situational but socially speaking? she’ll pretend until she Dies

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?ask nico to get it or just struggle for ages to try to get it herself

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?she likes green and black but thinks she looks p drab in most things. in all actuality she prbly does look sharpest in black but yellow makes her look super cute, brings out a softer side of her. dark green is also flattering on her

What animal do they fear most?hm prbly eels esp electric eels. they freak her out for no particular reason. otherwise, she likes most animals and doesn’t mind most bugs

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?she does usually think before she speaks. on the extreme she’ll turn over a phrase abt ten times in her mind before even considering speaking it aloud but that’s rare and only in high stress situations. despite the fact that she does think before she speaks she’s very blunt abt most things. lay it out like it is and all. embellishing sentences or softening her statements is smth she rarely does as she finds it inefficient 

What makes their stomach turn?reckless behavior she HATES when ppl do stupid risky crap in front of her she finds it very unnecessary and anxiety inducing

Are they easily embarrassed?oh yes absolutely

What embarrasses them?everything. anything. her existence. ppl flirting w her. her parents. being teased. being incompetent. being singled out for anything. lots of things :)

What is their favorite number?she likes the number 60. no reason in particular it’s just a nice number. cue her friend, nico in the back yelling SIXTY???? MORE LIKE SEXY

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?oh oof dont talk to her about love it throws her for an existential crisis. hm but if srsly asked this she’d prbly say smth like “familial love is smth we’re rarely allowed to choose. platonic is more logical and circumstantial, and romantic is a combination of the two in the sense that it’s ur heart’s choice to begin and ur mind’s to continue.”

Why do they get up in the morning? society dictates that in order for an individual to contribute meaningfully to the world, you must get up by 7 am and do whatever lot’s been handed to you. thus she, as a good functioning member of society, gets up in the mornings and drives to school day in and day out as fate has dictated her duty to be

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? erratic. she’ll act strangely and become more distant. if it continues for long enough she’ll eventually snap at whoever’s nearest and asking what’s up w her

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? it makes her sad tbh sldkfjlkj she’s like welp.. this is the lot i’ve been given if i don’t accept it that’s my problem. then she keeps her head up and carries on

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? she prefers not to talk abt sex. she’d be v confused if someone brought up the topic of sex casually tho she isn’t SUPER squeamish abt discussing it it’s just?? unprofessional so why would u? ofc w her s/o she would be more than willing to discuss it in order to smooth out questions or misunderstandings before yk. actually. doing the sex

What are their thoughts on marriage? marriage to her is one of the pillars of society, and while she respects people who don’t want to get married, for herself she views it a checkbox on her list of things she needs to do before she dies. it’s?? like she sort of has a timeline and marriage is on the list of things that need to happen sometime in her twenties. she believes marriage should be a mutually beneficial union based on love and respect and believes that along w family units it’s a wonderful invention. however, despite all of this she kind of doubts she’ll ever get married bc she’s like who would date me lbr here :) and while simultaneously seeking after marriage she’s resigned herself to becoming an eventual crazy old cat lady

What is their preferred mode of transportation? she prefers bullet trains. efficient, usually comfortable, she doesn’t have to drive- what more could you want? she’s also fond of walking if a place is close by. helps her chill

What causes them to feel dread? the feeling that a relationship is falling apart and the divide between herself and the other person is growing. the little things like not waiting for the other person after class or “forgetting” to mention another thing about their day- the small things that point to a relationship breaking down. if there’s one thing she hates more than unnecessary conflict and having to just end things then and there it’s watching things slowly fall apart. that is extremely dread inducing in her opinion

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? if u asked her? she’d say she prefers the truth. in reality? she prefers the lie. she internalizes things and oftentimes “unpleasant truths” can weigh her down for ages. frequently enough to note, she’ll allow herself to continue in ignorance rather than accept the reality of the truth which she’ll sort of know she’s doing but just push to the back of her mind in order to avoid the panic that comes with actually confronting the problem. ignorance is bliss and all. nevertheless, in the long run and in hindsight, she prefers the truth as ripping off the bandaid proves easier than pulling out misplaced stitches one by one

Do they usually live up to their own ideals? she doesn’t come close. she has very lofty ideals to which she holds both herself and others around her. she wants to be someone who’s looked up to as strong. she values efficiency, honesty, reliability and genuinely good motives as well as charisma, passion and confidence. she’s doing alright with the first few but the last three are debatable. she’s passionate about v select things and her confidence levels looks like a heartrate monitor

Who do they most regret meeting? herself. she regrets gaining sentience

Who are they the most glad to have met? josie ;) but nico and ale are close seconds

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? nope what’s a Conversation? what’s a Joke? she doesnt know them :)

Could they be considered lazy? that’s a no. she works extremely hard and nearly always carries through. it’s partially her nature and partially a way for her to “make up” for her perceived lack of talents

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? extremely difficult but w time she eventually can esp when given the right type of support

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? that’s. a hard one. she IS technically supportive but that’s only when she recognizes how much the thing means to the other person and she’s honestly rlly bad at reading these kinds of situations, so it’s rare that she actually does. she’ll kinda be like wtf but if she doesn’t recognize the other person is genuinely excited and invested in the thing she’ll do her best to give her own brand of awkward support 

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?she’ll pursue a romantic interest if enough proof that it’s plausible is given but it’s rare that she gets enough “proof” for this to happen. generally speaking, she kind of pushes her desire for romance down. she’ll worry abt it later or at least until josie shows up eyes emoji

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? not rlly? she’ll just go thru things multiple times she’s not the most innovative person when it comes to things like this. route memorization is her go to 

What memory do they revisit the most often?;) depends on where in the storyline we’re talking but post story defo the time when she and josie went hiking w some of their other friends and when they reached the summit of the mountain the clouds were beneath the peak n completely coating the sky. it looked like a carpet of clouds, like another world and they shared a bit of a Moment. the little things are what elaina rlly cherishes

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?difficult she’s a bit of a critical person. she’s also not the most tactful when it comes to emotional intelligence related situations so ppl will likely find out she does see those flaws in them if they stick around long enough

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?not SO much but she does take things to heart. she’s sort of?? accepted her perceived mediocrity and general dullness but she’s in no way ceasing to attempt to change other things abt herself. so she’ll seemingly take criticisms in stride but they’ll stick w her when she’s Overthinking

How do they feel about children? kids are? good? she likes kids. as for having them, she’s considered it some and she thinks she might like to. at the same time, she also thinks she’d make a terrible parent- too harsh, bad w comfort, easily stressed. in all reality, she’d be better than most ppl as one esp after gaining a bit of confidence

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? rn the goal is graduating and she wants that fairly badly but she doesn’t particularly doubt her ability to achieve it. after that, it’s getting a good job which she also doesn’t overtly doubt as a certainty so yes she does want it but it’s not?? SUPEr concerning except when she begins to doubt her abilities and if she’ll ever feel like her life is fulfilling 

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? she’s lesbian. she’d say it means she’s attracted to women 

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?baby. she’s gonna find loveB) What inspired you to create them?love, simon! i wanted to write a cute lesbian high school romance so thus josie and elaina were bornC) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?nope!D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?nope again! she used to be full korean but now she’s half korean and half scandinavian! i think she used to be taller too she’s 5′5″ nowE) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?there are some aspects of each other that would get on the other’s nerves. like i dont think she’d appreciate the wonky outbursts i sometimes have and i’d get annoyed by her lack of social tact/annoyance at the world even tho i lowkey share those traits but otherwise i think we’d get along p well! i think i’d find her cute and i think she’d like my perceived confidence. we share a similar rationality as wellF) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?empathy she’s a big mood tbh and also i want her to be happy G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?her lack of emotional intelligence. while i like blunt and logic oriented ppl it’d get slightly frustrating after a while to be around someone who’s a lil oblivious to social/emotional cues even if that’s a moodH) What trait do you admire most?her humble diligence. i have to complain twice as much as her to get half the things she gets done doneI) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?i think she’d ALSO do great in a sci fi universe. ha maybe i need to give these kids a sci fi au verseJ) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?not rlly no!

[spunkyspy]

Were you able to catch dem and Ika's insta live? If so, do you have a recap?

Yea, I caught all but like 5 minutes bc my phone died fskjlddsj but sure! I’ll put it under a read more~

This wont be in chronological order btw just how i remember it

They started out talking about how they couldnt believe it was a new year already

They walked about how they were excited for bbcan6 and they also plan to watch CBBUS i think. Ika was more excited and Dem said it’ll be hard to watch bc he’ll miss it (as in miss playing/being in the house). 

They said that they had a hard time watch bbcan5 back and they had to drink a lot while watching lmao. Ika mentioned how she still thinks that Dem should have won. She said that she loves Kevin and she’s happy for him but she think it would have been a better season/conclusion if Dem had won (i agree lmao) and Dem just kind of nodded

Dem said he might try to watch feeds this year bc he never had but said it’ll be weird. Ika never has either but doesnt want to

She mentioned how she got in yesterday but they didnt say anything so they could have that first day alone together

She said she still gets nervous when she sees him and he still gives her butterflies

She said she usually hides from him when she first gets to the airport but he didnt want to give her time to do it this time lmao

He texted her the day she was gonna get there and told her to text him when she had her bag because he didnt want to pay for parking bc he wanted to trick her and thought it’d make her mad/make her think he was cheap (it didnt) and she said they were both texting and walking through the airport and she walked right past him and some guy was like oh your boyfriend is over there and she was like uh excuse me? and he said arent you Ika? and she said yes and he said he’s right over there with the flowers and she turned and saw him and freaked out (i guess the guy recognized her from BB?)

Ika’s flight was delayed so Dem ended up waiting in the airport for like an hour. He had his flowers and little sign and was sitting on a bench and this older lady came over and sat with him and said “I wish I was Ika Wong”

someone asked if they were gonna move in together soon and Ika said something like y’all are so nosy! Can we leave the nosiness behind in 2017? That’s for us to know and you to not find out (lmao) and the chick apologized and Ika felt bad and said she was just joking. 

Ika then went on to talk about their future house and how they have to have two separate bathrooms so she can leave her stuff everywhere and “pee in peace” (im pretty sure that was her wording lmaooo). She said “When we get our future house” and he said “when we build our house” and that he will build her her own bathroom lmao

they thought about going out last night and going ice skating but i was really cold and Ika said that Dem was the only person that she wanted to spend it with so why go out in the cold

OH LMAO Dem said when he first got out of the house he was really confused by people calling him Daddy and Ika thought he meant the Mom and Dad thing and she was like no it’s a good thing! but he meant literally Daddy skldfjsd

they were pretty tipsy bc Dem had just went to the liquor store and got them some wine and whiskey. Ika was worried about him going even though it was just down the road bc it was sketchy and he promised that he’d be back by 10:12 and it was 10:11 and he wasnt back so she called him lmao

They still have the little stuffed dog George from the house

Dem mentioned his cousin George and said he’s a more pumped up version of Dem and Ika said that she loves George but doesnt like hanging out with them together bc they pick on her and George thinks it’s funny when Dem picks on her lmao

She said that she never expected to find someone so accepting of her but Dem is and she was sitting on him and putting her clips in in lmao

Someone asked if Gary was ever gonna find a man and she said to leave him alone sdfkjsldkf and they mentioned that Gary said he wants a 750,000 dollar ring

She talked some more about how Dem cant move on if she dies and that she’ll haunt both of them sfkjsld she said he’ll have to tell all of them on the first date that he has a crazy dead girlfriend who will haunt them. 

Dem wants to take Ika snowboarding but Ika doesnt want to go lmao. He told her that he was sure she could get to the bottom of whatever slope thing he was talking about but that she probably wouldnt be standing. Someone mentioned that he should take her skiing instead bc it’s safer and he said yea you’re right

he mentioned taking her ice fishing too and Ika said no bc she’s scared that he’d push her in and be like “it’s finally my chance to get rid of her!” lmao

They started talking about when they first liked each other in the house and asked Dem when he thought she like him and he said like day 21-22, after he kissed her and she said no like day 8-9 and he was so surprised and mentioned how she was still saying all of the like friendshipmance stuff then. She said that they would hold hands under the covers early on so production and fans wouldnt see and was surprised that so many fans did. She was really surprised watching back at how affectionate they were. She also said that she was pretty sure Dem like her when he gave her George to sleep with in the have not room and he said “was that before or after i straight up told you i liked you” lmao and she said that she thought it was cute bc he was trying to be cute\

they were wrapping in up and about to end it and some ppl in the chat were like “dont leave!” and at the same time Ika and Dem both started talking about how whenever Dem has to hang up the phone, Ika is always like “NO dont leave me!”

okay that’s basically it! Im sorry it’s so long slfjskldf

[kkukkung]

"kiho is... fascinating rly" what do u mean 👀

their relationship dynamic is v fascinating and fanfic fuel.. lov the way kihyun... needs to win... and wonho kind of lets him........ but also they’re v tender idk LOV this photoset... ykh is always 100% serious when he attacks ??? but then he’s a very... aftercare guy.... bye

more asks under the cut (dated newest to oldest)

u kno that thing kihyun does when he has the camera where he like...tilts his head back a lil and shakes it a bit. it cute

hate 2 admit this but he rly is.... v c*te... v sexy 2 when he’s BEHIND the camera and he squints and grits one side of his teeth... ok ok ok ok alright alright alr

i dont rlly think hoseok is bi i think hes pan like if hes in love he doesnt rlly care what gender they are

mmm i use the two v interchangeably bc currently i don’t think there is a clear distinction between them? what u said is the traditional dictionary difference but a lot of bisexual people identify with that too and a lot of pansexual people don’t? like from what i’ve been observing, the bi = binary genders/more than one gender, pan = all genders thing doesn’t rly seem to help that much in establishing the difference btwn them? for example........ i usually say im bi irl and pan on tumblr just bc of the difference between levels of lgbtq understanding under varied contexts... but that obviously doesn’t apply to everyone... so yeah frankly i’m still confused abt the difference between them and i guess... just letting ppl fall into whatever they think is right for them is the only way to go? but like tell me if i’m getting smth wrong here lol. also i saved the url pansexualwonho shfjdkgj

hello bunny do u have a wishlist

no and get off my blog stinky

leave ur gf for me

what does it mean when ur gf has a bf and ur also kind of seeing kakashi hatake?? :/ are we all dating by association??

wonho looks like jooheon and IM sugar daddy in that picture or something....

jshgjfk i think this was abt the units teaser photo right? (x) tbh i feel like jooheon looks more sugar daddy here but wonho has a lot of potential... he’d definitely Spoil the person(s) he’s dating :/

I just checked and the members of that new variety show minhyuk will be in are all giants, they are all above 180cm, well besides actually minhyuk lolz it's kinda funny, but I guess he won't need to make himself seem smaller since he's the tiny one this time

my breath hitched when i read this ??? aaa ur right... tbh i don’t know how im going to... survive this show bc it’s... so blindingly... visual?? have high hopes for it i know he’s going to do so well... and ummmmmMM imagine him... making himself XXXXXXXXXXXXXS precisely bc he knows it’s going to b cute n like... tucking himself against eunwoo or smth i might die

YOUR TAGS MAKE ME SO HAPPY!!

THANK U?????? 💖💖💖💖💖 cute anons make me happi :’0

to reaffirm you as a wonho stan: you have 149 pages filed under wonho on your blog but only 118 under minhyuk. however i believe recently 3/5 of your posts are minhyuk posts.

this felt like it was heading somewhere but the second half jfkhgsj i mean,,

do you know where that picture of kihyun and the join forces with communists or end star wars picture is from with his hand up on a bluish greyish wall i rlly like his hand there u know and I think that we sHould join forces with him and he's right we need to make a stand for it but anyways if u know where the pocture is from may u pls share it thnx I lov ur blog lots

@marxistkihyun

[nsfw text warning] i was reading this wonhyuk fic and thought of u immediately archiveofourown org/works/10314092 mostlytop!mh slight daddy kink mh takes extra care of wh :') enjoy

UH ANON................ HOW DID U KNOW....... EXACTLY WHAT I LIKE...... AND THIS LINE... THIS LINE... “He likes Hoseok, but he likes when pretty girls tie him up and sit on his face too”,,,,,,,, rly the best lmh characterisation i’ve ever read sdjkfgh gbye this was rly sweet and well-written and realistic and i think??? i lov u?? and i lov my poly + bi boyfriends :(((( thank u sm for the rec i rly enjoyed it

i'm east asian too and non-asian ppl keep telling me that "rat" and "snake" are racial slurs and i've never heard of such a thing until i joined kpop fandom (rly recently). if you want my honest opinion it's another one of those things where like... overzealous SJWs nitpick terminology and project on POC even tho they have never experienced it themselves... idk. i rly have never heard any of those terms used against asians before as racial slurs...i've seen other asian fans also question this

(regarding this ask) yeah lmao i mean............ the more i think abt it the more i feel like it was ??? just such a strange thing to have been told... and the way it was said as well... like “this is a racial slur so don’t say it” feels condescending ?? like, me, an east asian person, being “educated” abt racism against east asian people by an anon on the internet for a post that had zero connection to race and terms taken way out of context (that generally aren’t racially charged anyway).... ok lol

Wonho decided to change the title from ^give it to you^ to ^524^ I wonder if it's because of their debut date or something similar?

yes~ 5.14 is their debut date! it was also the time on the clock in the teaser :3c but it still doesn’t rly explain why he changed it? strange bc i thought the song would b emo bc of the changed title but it was kinda.. boppy?? sounds more like a “give it 2 u” than a “last page” hmm but gotta hear the whole thing first ig

I have the impression that Wonho is a sensitive person, he can get hurt easily (but won't hold grudges) and carry his emotions for a really long time. I think he tends to delve in his emotions and thoughts constantly and is thoughtful of when/how he should share them to not burden others. He's ALL IN for his members, trying to cheer them up and tying them all together [rmbr when he made JooHyuk hug to avoid misunderstandings or when he gave Jooheon the biggest sweet potato] in a subtle way.

yessssssssssssssss yes i don’t have anything to add here yes yes yes he’s just... the best guy :(

The Monsta X/GOT7 Psychologist ISN'T A psychoanalist. AFAIK Psychoanalysis avoid archetypes, because the patient can use it as a excuse. Also, to psychoanalysis there isn't a cure, there's only a savoir-faire which means you won't change your past, but you can change how you feel about it, sometimes being able to extract lessons from those painful memories. Psychoanalysis works with words, the way we phrase things is how we conceive reality. So don't underrate your literal analysis+observations.

aaa thank u sm.......... i rly learnt a lot from u thank u v insightful.... pop psychology is fun but ig we have to be careful to not... confound it with the Real Thing and hold mx to it?? anyway thank u sm for taking the time to type out all ur asks they were v helpful!

wonho has honestly tried to kill minhyuk an incredible amount of times but in the end always remembers he can't commit murder in front of a camera...........................

idk wonho choking minhyuk was rly the hottest thing ive ever seen jsfhg bye God I Wish That Were Me

in that live where u said minhyuk tapped wonhos bicep with his little alien claw was honestly was so c*te... especially the contrast btwn mh featherless chicken feet fingers and wonho thiccness..... wonhyuk are rly so comfortable and natural with each other like u can't rly see it but it looks like wonho let go of the camera with the arm that was being tapped to hold minhyuks hand/wrist..................................................c*te

uh put thi s on my grave...... i love wonhyuk sm i could die :( they rly lov each other sm jkdgfhsdjkgfhhkkdg

Hellooo!

henlo rabbit

maybe im just naïve but starship ent. is overall an alright company - with all groups they promote they seem to be fair and equal and overall supportive :/ which makes me rlly thankful my children aren't being neglected;;

ahh yeah i think on the whole they’re not bad with mx... apart from when they didn’t send members to the hospital after they were in a literal car crash??? and idk just not great promo times and minor organisational things.. bc they have a certain amount of faith in mx the investment isn’t too shabby. but with like... other groups... like boyfriend...... idk ?? they were just shipped off to japan and never heard from again? and even sistar i mean, the conditions they worked in at the beginning was appalling :/