#imagine being Dean’s wife reading it

[jessmmariano]

I can’t be the only one who thinks Rory making a book about her life is stupid, right?

[pagannatural]

2.07 The Usual Suspects

-Sam being interrogated about Dean is so so good because we get to see Sam being told that his brother is a scumbag criminal and the way he reacts by rolling his eyes like he’s heard this before. It’s almost like seeing a teenage version of Sam. The detective keeps telling him to throw Dean under the bus and the whole time he’s just giving attitude and plotting how to help Dean and work the case. He keeps looking out the window. Some of his reactions are raw and some are fake and some are both and his mind is running through his options assessing what to do and how to get out of this.

When confronted with the cliff notes on his and Dean’s life, Sam runs the gamut of emotion from sad and grief-stricken about Jessica to defending Dean and acting all scandalized to being a smartass, to whatever the hell this is when she says “it’s not your fault he’s your brother, we can’t pick our family”

The double meaning here. The not meeting her eyes, the tension on his face, the disdain. It’s giving Bitch don’t I fucking know it, yet I would choose him a thousand times and every time I would be a little bit miserable. “It’s not your fault he’s your brother, we can’t pick our [soul mates]” is probably what God tells him in his most comforting dreams.

-So the detective’s theory is what? That after a shared sordid serial killer childhood Sam escaped the life and then Dean murdered Sam’s girlfriend in a house fire to lure him back in and make him his crime wife?

Because I mean yeah I would read that AU. That fits their vibe pretty nicely.

-She says “Dean’s a bad guy….his life is over, yours doesn’t have to be” and Sam looks at her like that’s the dumbest thing he has ever heard.

She doesn’t know that they become sickly and depressed when they’re apart like a pair of bonded sewer kittens.

When she tells him he can get on with his life and Dean’s as good as gone you can almost see him tuning her out and calculating how to lie about this.

-Sam starts on his cover story, using his trademark Sweet-Innocent face. He relies on his charms and on appearing helpless to manipulate people into doing what he wants. He would’ve learned to do this when he was a child as a survival skill, and I can just imagine how well this complemented Dean’s tough but earnest seduction thing. Acting sweet and helpless when you’re actually savvy and resourceful is a trope commonly used in female characters. These traits (innocence, sweetness, feigned helplessness) are associated with women gaining/utilizing agency in the ways available to them.

Because narratively, Sam is the girl. It’s stuff like this, plus the way he’s depicted as Dean’s tempting damsel in distress in other episodes. It increases the sexual tension between Sam and Dean when they rely on these archetypes because we know what it means when two leads are masculine and feminine, when they need each other and the plot hinges on their conflict. It means they’re the love interests.

-Dean makes a joke about Sam being Scully, and Sam’s like I’m not Scully you’re Scully, and Dean says “No I’m Mulder. You’re a red headed woman.” Really spelling it out.

Dean is smirking and making prolonged eye contact and just— he’s flirting. There’s a Bruce Springsteen song titled “Red Headed Woman” about how “it takes a red headed woman to get a dirty job done.” I have no idea if this is what Dean’s referencing or if it’s just a Scully reference but it’s a very specific thing to say and Sam is brunette. The song is very suggestive.

-Dean HATES waiting around while Sam works. Within seconds he becomes insufferable and has to leave to go do something, flirting with Sam again on his way out.

-“Sam’s story matches Dean’s to the last detail” they didn’t even SEE each other before talking to police! They’re just so connected that they tell the same exact story. Then they both work on the case in their separate interrogation rooms using different methods and arrive at the same conclusion at the same time. They also make the same joke about their public defender.

-I keep seeing this post about who knew Dean better, Sam or Castiel, and I just want to point out that these two are so in sync they can essentially read each others minds.

-We have an outsider perspective on their lives and relationship a few times this episode, and the detectives comment more than once on how weirdly connected the brothers are. Like, Dean communicates to Sam via movie reference to escape and Sam is already all over that, he’s been assessing how to climb out the window since his first scene.

-Dean tells the detective to go to Sam so that Sam can save her life, giving her their info on “how we find each other when we’re separated.” That’s very practical. It’s also true that when they aren’t together they are obsessed with finding each other and making sure they know exactly where the other is at all times. They must have felt so untethered when Sam was at Stanford. I’m imagining Sam going on a little trip over spring break and feeling like he’s forgetting something really important and starting to panic only to realize it’s just that Dean won’t know where he is.

[deanbrainrotwritings]

dean winchester | MASTERLIST

most of these will be 18+ stories that include sexual or dark themes, individual warnings will be added for each one

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 ONE-SHOTS

boulevard of broken dreams [smut, 2.9k]

description — sharing a room with sam when dean has the sex drive that he has usually means he has to be quiet when he’s doing the dirty with his girl.

livin in you [smut, 4.9k]

description — dean actually loves reading. it should have been obvious what he’d enjoy reading the most. he doesn’t hate all books. he likes fun ones, ones with spice and romance.

watching over me [smut, 2.5k]

description — sex-capades in heaven with dean before he decides to travel the multiverse in the impala like he’s the fucking doctor and the impala is his TARDIS.

city grown willow [smut, 7.1k]

description — in which dean doesn’t die in 15.20 and he’s a stay-at-home dad (hot as hell) and the reader works at a company (vague as hell).

a proclamation [smut, 11k]

description — stanford era dean is a fuckable little sub and i like writing him that way forever. edging him here, actually.

where is my mind? [smut, 7.7k]

description — thinking dean is being annoying with his friendship with crowley. purposely teasing dean and leaving him wanting more, acting like nothing happened.

wild flower [smut, 5.5k]

description — dean gets hit by a spell when fighting a witch and assumes it was harmless or ineffective. he was wrong, but at least he wasn’t dead. he’s a woman now.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 IMAGINES

i hate buffering [fluff, 826]

description — you find out dean is dyslexic.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 HEADCANNONS

being dean's wife [fluff]

description — cute, snuggly, fluffy little hc about my favourite boy and my lovely delusions of wanting dean as my husband being awakened by a request, perfect.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 DRABBLES

bro, ashley's here [fluff, 1.2k]

description — dean goes all the way to make this slumber party magical, especially for his kids.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 SERIES

scream (you make me feel like it’s Halloween) [smut, 3.4k]

description — it’s Halloween and it’s also your birthday, and Dean’s made a lot of promises about how it was gonna be the best night ever.

standing next to you [smut, 4.4k]

description — aka part two of scream (you make me feel like it’s Halloween). Just a continuation of the special night that is Halloween and the reader’s birthday.

the narrative masterlist

description —

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 MISC

bluebird [smut, 3.3k]

description — a threesome with dean and cas, where cas is a harddom and dean is more of a softdom.

taglist

main masterlist

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED TO DEANBRAINROTWRITINGS 

do not steal, plagiarise, translate, or republish my work on another platform

[whatthefishh]

until we bleed

Rydal Keener x F!Reader ; part of the Oxford Comma series

Words: 6.4k

Warnings: swearing, an unnecessary amount of big words being used, smut, pinv, um... slight dub con... drama...

Beta read by the lovely @xbellaxcarolinax who basically jumped on the doc every time I helplessly texted her to ask if I was being stupid, and special s/o to @melodygatesauthor for helping me talk out the smut hehe

The charity gala was a front for the girls to get dressed up and the men to boast about their new business ventures. The charity mentioned in the invitation was picked out by the dean’s wife, a hedge fund manager – a most noble career – and she had already swindled enough out of the guests for the entrance fee before the scheduled auction later that evening. 

You didn’t want to go but you couldn’t really tell Rydal that, especially after the whole thing with Chester just last week. He had been a little down since then, his skin halfway healed from where the skin had broken. You couldn’t help but feel a current of electricity pass through you straight to your core whenever you looked at the slightly swollen pout he was sporting because of it. And the bastard knew it, too. He had been using the pout, with the added weight of his baby cow eyes, to get his way for the past few days, easily swaying you into submission for the littlest things. 

Which is how you ended up at the pretentious gathering being thrown in some philanthropic attempt to absolve the attendees of their greed. The dress you got for this event specifically was more expensive than any you’d ever worn before, the black satin silk of it tickling your calves where it hit. Your heels were new and not broken in, the thin straps sitting across your fresh pedicure — also something he insisted on paying for, picking out your nail colour for you. A glossy soft pink, a shade that reminded you of the Chanel perfume he had gifted you with. 

Rydal had taken you out to buy an outfit when you tried to tell him you couldn’t go with him to the gala because you had nothing to wear, rolling his eyes at what he knew was you trying to weasel your way out of it. You felt bad, making him wait while you tried on every dress the saleslady threw at you. He kept telling you it was fine, eventually threatening to come in there and dress you himself if you didn’t cut it out and that he was comfortable lounging on the sofas outside the fitting rooms. 

Slipping on the next dress from the large selection you had gathered in your fitting room, you checked yourself out in the mirror. Flatting the skirt with your palms, you tried to imagine yourself at the party, your arm looped around Rydal’s elbow and everyone’s eyes on you. Would this help you blend in? Was this the golden ticket you needed to finally gain acceptance? You’re starting to feel like it didn’t matter what you wore, they’d be able to sniff you out regardless, the vultures with their sharp manicures and syringe sculpted faces. 

When you finally stepped out in the simple but flattering black dress, Rydal’s eyes flashed as you turned this way and that in the mirror, trying to see it from all angles. This could work, it was simple enough that you didn’t feel entirely unlike yourself but it was still a lot more extravagant than anything you owned.  

You didn’t notice him slowly getting up like a predator stalking its prey, too focused on whether you liked the garment or not until his hands came to rest on your hips and his nose pressed itself against your neck. Only then did you take note of his half hard bulge pressing into your bum, your body temperature jumping at how quickly he was reacting to you all dressed up for him. You weren’t a lingerie girl, never had to be in your experiences but the way he was growing more and more feral by the second had you itching to buy the most delicate, laciest sets just to pull this behaviour from him on demand. 

“D-Do you like it?” you hated the way your voice wavered when you spoke, the slight increase in pressure from his hot hands causing you to blush heavily. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? Go take it off before I do it for you–”

“Yeah, on it,” you pushed his hands away, bolting towards the fitting room before he got any ideas and shaking your head at him. 

He purchased the dress while you were changing back into your regular clothes, coming out to the sight of him holding the garment bag over his arm while dumbly ignoring the stares of the other girls in the store. 

You weren’t used to feeling so aggressively desired so publicly but Rydal never made you feel like he wanted to hide how he felt about you. He would compliment you in front of his friends, in front of strangers, he would speak highly of you despite having told you something that would send your blood boiling seconds prior. It was reassuring, especially since you weren’t blind to the way girls would look at him, especially the ones in his social circles. 

The dress would help you fit into the crowd a little better, the shoes only slightly uncomfortable so far but that wasn’t the part that bothered you. Before leaving for the night, you made sure to try your best with your hair and makeup to look effortless with the help of your roommate, Eleanor, who told you that Rydal was going to go crazy over your look. That didn’t make you feel any more comfortable, however, wearing clothes much too expensive, you began to wonder if he liked you better like this, if he wanted you to be more like them. 

His reaction upon seeing you made your stomach swoop, the reverence in his eyes making you shyer than you’ve felt in a long time. You think maybe you should dress up like this more often, maybe he’d prefer you like this. Trying to shake those thoughts out of your head, the two of you make your way to the party being held on campus, looping your arm through his. Rydal was wearing a beige linen suit himself, the white dress shirt underneath had the first couple buttons open for a more relaxed look that you knew he only did to stick it to his dad.

You don’t know if you would have preferred to be invisible rather than be gawked at by the guests, but either way you were extremely uncomfortable and trying your best to mask it for the sake of your boyfriend. The party itself was unlike any other you’d attended, and why would you have? It wasn’t something you’d normally be invited to, especially with your financial struggles. It was kind of ironic, you being here now. At least you were dressed for the part.

Most of the guests were in casually lavish clothing themselves, almost everyone in the room exuded an air of superiority and arrogance you didn’t know how to handle. Walking by a group of older men dressed in various shades of browns and beiges, you overheard their heated discussion regarding the new instalment of fine art in the library’s entryway. There was a table full of what looked like raffle prizes to be won, along with a small brass raffle drum at the end. Near the end of the room stood a podium next to a sign with the charity of the night outlined in large, black lettering. For the good press, for the photos, you bitterly think. There was even a small group of classical instrument musicians playing classical renditions of modern day music. 

In every cluster of guests, there was an undeniable condescending overtone, the haughtiness oozing from every direction and you didn’t know where a safe space was for your eyes to land so as not to be assaulted by a judgemental gaze. Rydal was walking with ease, his hand at the small of your back, the warmth from it burning your skin due to the backless nature of the dress but you were thankful for the touch as it kept you somewhat grounded, helping you not trip over your heels. 

He walked you through the psychological battleground, gliding through the people who were most definitely whispering about his date for the evening, leading you to the food and drinks table. Exotic delicacies littered the banquet table, carefully prepared for consumption and small enough to grab several handfuls before feeling any sense of satiation. The rich were an interesting breed, despite their indulgence they loved making things tiny. 

The purpose of the night was drowning in the show of snobbery, and you were so bitter inside at the show they put on for each other that you opted to stay quiet so as not to make Rydal uncomfortable. These were his peers, the people he grew up with, the old man in the corner, his godfather, the lady with the laughable plastic surgery was his favourite ‘aunt’ growing up, giving him the biggest presents at his birthdays. Countless familiar faces for him, all of them sneering at you. 

The comforting touch of his hand leaves your back and you immediately turn to him in a near panic, the idea of being left alone in the sea of sharks making you stumble over your shoes. Upon seeing Rydal’s father right behind you, you opted to stay silent. This was not the first time you were meeting him, but it was the first time you were seeing him on school grounds after spending the summer at their family home. 

“Rydal,” he nodded to you and greeted you by name, “Come, I need you to meet a couple of people from that firm I was telling you about. Quickly now.” 

Lawrence Keener wasn’t the most terrifying person you’d ever met but he was definitely intimidating and he definitely was aware of it. The man had influence at the school, and honestly anywhere else he went. His handsome face and strong jaw demanded respect before his clothes did, his bespoke and cleanly pressed suit giving him a reason to tilt his chin just that smidge higher so he could look down at you with a single snobby brow raised. You could see where Rydal learned that expression from. 

He was somewhat dismissive of your presence, which only served to piss you off further but you had to hold back from rolling your eyes since Rydal was looking at you with a plea in his eyes, asking if it was okay to leave you for a few minutes to go meet the senior partners his father was pushing him towards. 

You nodded with a tight smile to him, trying to be supportive without showing how anxious you already were on the inside. Stepping into his world and pretending you were fine with it was proving to be more difficult than you initially thought.

Rydal leaves you with a relatively chaste kiss on the cheek, his father watching you two with blatant boredom before ushering him away with a hand on the back of his neck. After watching them turn a corner, you have to blink a few times before gathering your bearings and heading straight for the hors d'oeuvres, the miniature yet intricate selection taking your attention away from the prickly company. Devilled eggs, stuffed mushrooms with crispy onions on top, micro fig pies, melted brie and shortbread, roasted oysters with butter mignonette, caviar and creme tartlets and bowls and bowls of shrimp cocktail met your eyes. Reaching to try a pie, it almost made you laugh at how tiny it was in the palm of your hand. 

Some time must have passed and you’d eaten several different kinds of mini appetisers, gulping down the mocktail a random floating waiter had offered you after watching you stuff your face while you observed others mingling and networking. Hearing Rydal’s voice over the soft music playing, your eyes start searching for him excitedly. 

There’s a girl. Walking next to him, there is a very pretty girl. And they’re laughing. She’s touching his arm – familiar, they’re familiar – and he doesn’t brush it off, he’s smiling with her and for a moment you forget that you’re together. 

They look… they look quite perfect together, to be honest. She’s taller than you, blonde hair perfectly coiffed with a classic cocktail dress in a shade of blue that matched her eyes, making her smile look all the more bright. The girl in question throws her head back in laughter at something Rydal says, and it must have been funny at the way she covers her mouth elegantly to hide her grin and–and you want to leave. Badly. He’s not flirting but he’s also not taking her hand off of his arm, and he’s still smiling at her. 

They…fit. She looks like she belongs. Here, with him, on his arm, wherever she pleases really. Maybe she’s the girl his father wanted him to go for, the choice that made sense for him. The option that was easier. The kind of girl who crossed her ankles when she sat at the dinner table, the one who knew which one the soup spoon was. The girl with the right parents, the right upbringing. The one who didn’t need a room at their family home because she had her own next door. The one he didn’t have to take shopping to make her look the part at a charity gala. 

The girl that wasn’t a charity case. 

You should just leave now, and leave them to it. They would probably be engaged right after graduation. Rydal would get a job with the law firm his father was pressuring him about and she would be the host of their next charity event. Hell, maybe she’d even run for a council position. Talk about a power couple. 

While your intrusive thoughts were spiralling, you get caught staring by Rydal, his eyes lighting up to see you and you can see the words forming on his lips as he’s about to call out for you, most likely to introduce you to the girl in question. Turning on your heel before he had the chance to get your name out, you walk with speed and purpose, hunting for the washroom to collect yourself. You know people are looking at you walking past them, you probably look a little out of it but you couldn’t care less right now, just focused on getting some air and maybe splashing some water on your face.

Ducking into the washroom with a sigh of relief – the door matched the wood tone of the walls, the little sign above labelled “Washroom” in tiny, cursive writing making it incredibly difficult to find – you manage to find an empty stall. Leaning your head back against the stall door, you close your eyes as you try to even your breathing. You have to manage the anxiety bubbling up in your chest and the influx of negative thoughts about Rydal, it’s not fair to you or him.

The washroom door swings open and shuts, a pocket of music from the main hall echoing for a few seconds before giving way to the animated chatter of the girls who just entered. Their giggles and whispers became more clear once they settled in front of the large mirror hanging above the marble sinks. 

“I’m going to need a lot more champagne to withstand anymore of that woman’s inane chatter, like, we’re already helping so much,” one girl huffed. 

Peeking your eyes through the tiny gap in the door, you catch a glimpse of the back of their heads. 

“Yeah well at least your boyfriend hasn’t been ignoring you all night. All I said was that he was repeating his outfit and that people would notice!” 

“Oh honey, don’t worry. Nobody is going to notice that with Rydal walking around with his charity case girlfriend. What the fuck does he see in her anyway?” Another girl said, carelessly loud. 

Your ears perked up again, your heart dropping in your stomach. Now was not the best time for you to hear this, their conversation only confirming your shameful thoughts about your boyfriend. 

“I always thought he was easy but to stoop so low? She’s basically the farmer’s daughter!” 

The scandal in her voice almost made you laugh in disbelief from where you were hiding in the stall. 

“I think he’s doing it just to get back at his father. Lawrence doesn’t even look at her.” 

Well. That’s not… that’s not what you wanted to hear. Lawrence looked at you, right? He said hello perfectly politely, right? You’re frowning at the thought.

“Ha! That’s because he wanted Colette for him. My mom told me he’s secretly hoping Rydal wakes up one morning, ready to go running back to Barbie Blue Eyes and make them all proud parents,” the loud one from earlier said with a wicked tone. 

Colette… you didn’t know a Colette. Blue eyes? Could they be speaking about The Girl from earlier? Were they right, were you just a phase for him? 

“Oh my god El, you kill me! They are really blue, and that dress she’s wearing tonight looks so fucking good on her, I can’t deny her that. It’s like she got it custom made to match her eyes.” 

Oh fuck. The Girl was Colette. Of fucking course. 

And from the sounds of it, she was Rydal’s ex. No wonder he never mentioned her. No wonder she was so friendly with him, hands all over his arms, giggling together like a couple of young lovers. Compared to her, she was the obvious choice, and it wasn’t a surprise that Lawrence had given his approval. 

“Sounds like Colette,” the third girl chimed in. 

“I don’t care how much Rydal spends on this new girl, she isn’t fooling anybody. I bet she’ll be gone by the winter. Anyways,” the first girl sighs tiredly, as if unloading all that gossip took a physical toll on her. “How’s my lipstick, Vee?” 

They descended into a different topic, focused on adjusting each other’s appearance until they left the washroom leaving you to stew in silence. They wouldn’t have known you were listening but they said everything you didn’t need to hear anyway. 

So Rydal was dating this perfect girl, Colette, before you got together. You were the rebound. You were never permanent. You didn’t belong. 

You should’ve known he wasn’t serious, it was too good to be true. You should never have opened up to him, never have trusted him with all your insecurities and vulnerabilities. He probably bought all the girls Chanel. He couldn’t have been serious about you. He hasn’t even met your mom, hasn’t visited your home yet. You couldn’t let him get any closer. 

Stepping out and gently splashing your cheeks with some cold water, you walk out the doors on shaky knees and look around. Nobody is paying you any attention now and you exhale a breath of relief. These people are never going to respect you. No matter how many pretty clothes he buys you. 

Rydal finds you before your eyes find him, his hand snaking around your waist and mouth finding your ear to whisper a sweet little I missed you, softly kissing your skin. You shiver, and despite the direction your thoughts were going you find comfort in his smell and warmth, closing your eyes while you turn your body into his. 

He’s the same and yet he isn’t. Rydal slips into his social persona and you’ve never really paid attention before but there’s a slight difference to his voice and once you notice it, it bothers you. You stare at him, perplexed and hurt. You wonder if you know him properly at all. Which one is the real one? Is he pretending with you or with them? 

Rydal tells you he has someone to introduce you to but your stomach starts churning and you think you’re gonna be sick because you see Colette making her way towards you in the crowd and you can’t face her, not after what you just heard. 

“I feel kind of sick, actually, can we go? Like, now?” 

You know you have a frantic edge to your voice but you can’t help it. 

“Can we go in a bit? Just stick it out for a little longer, baby—“ 

There’s a bubble of anxiety in your chest that rises to your throat the closer she gets and you look to Rydal with pure panic, upset that he’d even suggest you stay in this stifling room for any longer. He stops talking upon noticing the tears welling in your eyes, brows immediately furrowing in concern and then nodding quickly.

“Okay, yeah. Yeah, we can go, c’mon.” 

His hand returns to the small of your back, guiding you out of the hall and you’re glad for it because all of a sudden your vision is blurry and if it weren’t for his persistent hands helping you, you would’ve surely never found your way out. 

The way back to his room was tense. Not the comfortable silence you were used to, your throat closed and sealed shut since leaving. Your mouth has opened and shut several times, wanting to break the silence but your tongue felt like lead. 

Rydal doesn’t make any attempt at conversation either. After putting his blazer jacket around your shoulders, he stuck his hands in his pocket and frowned the whole walk back. 

By the time he let you in his room, your bottom lip was wobbling and your anxiety was suffocating you in its attempt for release. Either you were going to cry or yell or both. 

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, you reach for the makeup wipes you keep with his things, aggressively wiping at your eyes and fighting with the layers of mascara you had put on. He slowly comes up behind you, not looking into your eyes but his hands reach to unclasp your necklace, brushing your hair aside for ease of access. 

You inhale a shuddering breath. 

You should just do it now. Just come right out and say it. You may as well cut your losses and let him be happy with whoever he wants, let him make his father happy and stop standing in his way. You were only holding him back, and that’s not what you wanted to do. You still loved him, even if tonight did break your heart. 

Dropping the necklace on the counter, he reaches for the zipper of your dress next but his hands still and instead rest on your waist as he presses his forehead into your shoulder. 

“Did something happen? Did someone… say something?” He mumbled, the vibrations of his voice almost triggering your tears. Instead you let out a sniffle.

“She really is beautiful. Why didn’t you tell me about her?” 

“Who?” 

“Why did I have to find out about her from a bunch of girls in the washroom? Does she go here? Is that why your dad doesn’t look me in the eye when he talks to me?”

“…it’s not like that—“ he sighs.

“No? It’s not like you become someone else when we’re around these people? It’s not like you have this whole goddamn life that I’m not part of, that I’ll never be part of because they’re never going to accept me? They’re never going to respect me, never think I’m good enough?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, I don’t even know what you heard!”

“Everyone thinks I’m with you just for your money, you know. They called me the farmer's daughter. They said I’m your fucking charity case. Do you know how that makes me feel? As if I don’t already feel like an outsider here?”

He opens his mouth to respond but you don't let him, rushing to hurt him the way you’re hurting inside. 

“You’ve never had to work a day in your life, you don’t know what it’s like in my shoes.” You laugh humorlessly. “What are we doing, Rydal?” 

“What do you mean?” His voice sounds so small and the knife just twists deeper in your gut. 

“Why should I have to deal with this constant bullshit from the people in your life? I don’t even know them! Maybe… maybe we should—“

“Stop, stop, listen I can handle everyone else being upset with me, but not you. Not you, please. I can’t take it from you, please don’t say what I think you’re going—“ 

“I don’t know. I just can’t, I— maybe, maybe we should break up, I think you’d feel better, too, I think—“

“How could you think that? How could you say that?” He’s upset, expression sour and twisted.

He looks the way you feel. 

You watch him fumble for words. 

“I literally left my dad at this stupid party and he’s going to be fucking pissed, like seriously livid because he was building me up to his buddies but– but I don’t care because I wanted to make sure you were okay!”

His palms grip your waist tighter and he steps closer, crowding you against the basin and doesn’t give you any room to move. You can’t look at him so instead you stare at the makeup wipe, the angry black marks mirroring your heart as your mind yells at you to run, to leave and hide where he can’t hurt you, where he can’t see you crumble and break after he inevitably agrees to leave you. 

You push it once more.

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have. Maybe I should’ve just left you there.” 

There’s a small part of your brain that tells you that you’re being irrational. That he wouldn’t be here if he didn’t care, he must care even a tiny amount, even if you were a temporary toy. 

His hands leave you for a second and he takes a step away. You feel cold, immediately feeling small and stupid, fighting between wanting to cry and going numb until suddenly the familiar warmth comes back, his hand pushing your back with so much force that your hands shoot out in front of you to catch yourself. One on the mirror, one on around the edge of the vanity. 

Looking up at Rydal in shock, you open your mouth to ask him what the fuck his problem is until you see he’s not even looking at you, his eyes are trained on your ass and he’s biting his lip, but he still looks… broken. 

“Rydal, what the fu—“

“Stop. Talking. You’ve said enough.” His voice was almost a whisper but still firm enough to cut through yours, and his hands were still kneading your hips. 

His behaviour is new and kind of confusing, if you’re being honest. It’s clear he’s never been denied before in his life. He looks helpless and angry and worried and aggravated and entirely too focused on your body at this moment for any of it to make sense. 

Rydal’s fingers trail down your dress until they reach the slit in the back and leave goosebumps as they make their way back up, hooking into your panties and then tugging them off and around your heels. Upon rising, he’s still avoiding eye contact. Your cheeks are burning, legs slightly wider than before. Despite being mad at him, your body still obeys. 

“So mouthy all the time.”

Balling up your panties, he surprises you further by shoving them in your mouth even as you protest and try to push back on him but his body keeps your balance wavering. You have no choice but to keep your hands where they were if you didn’t want to fall. 

Your eyes must be bugging out of your sockets and the rise and fall of your chest is coming quicker and quicker.

“If that’s what you really want, then leave.” He’s saying this while the tips of his thick fingers brush and tease your entrance, keeping you frozen in place.

Your mind was at odds with your body as you felt your instinctive reaction to him touching you. Fighting the urge to embrace the desire now dripping down your thighs, you knew you had the ability to walk away if you wanted to and yet you found yourself pressing back against his hand wanting more. 

“Aren’t you gonna leave? Isn’t that what you wanted? No?” 

Rydal slides two fingers inside your cunt, easily and without warning and you grunt but it’s muffled against the cloth. This is absurd, you think dumbly. You want to feel embarrassed but you can’t bring yourself to.

“Didn’t think so, baby,” he’s saying while stepping closer and his fingers reach even deeper, if that were possible.

His mouth comes up to your ear, whispering his next words and sending them straight to your gut, weighing heavily inside you. 

“I need you, can’t you see that? Look at me,” his hot breath hits the shell of your ear and you’re panting. “Can’t you tell? How fucking badly I need you?” 

So you look at him, and you see a desperate and needy man in the place of your Rydal, the one you’re familiar with. This wasn’t the same man you were used to, the one who would make you laugh while he was making his way inside you. This Rydal was upset and he was adamant on making you regret your words. 

His fingers were curling inside your wet heat, pressing up against that spot that made you see stars and stealing your breath so hard your fingers were curling. Your fingerprints were marking the mirror, the squeaking sound making you shudder against his body. Moaning around the fabric still in your mouth, you tried to grind down on his hand, desperate for him to move, to do something, anything to the tension in your body coiling tighter and tighter. 

Rydal could feel your hips moving back against his hand and moved to still you, fingers holding you tight enough to bruise. Slipping his fingers out, he taps them against your clit before removing his hand entirely and making your shoulders sag at the loss.

Reaching one hand up and back to keep him close, afraid of his warmth leaving you, your hand wraps around his neck as he rushes to unbuckle his pants noisily. He’s shaking a little, breaths coming out ragged at how badly he needs to fill you up. 

Once he frees himself, Rydal uses one hand to push you back down and bunch your pretty dress up, lining himself up with your entrance and pushing in swiftly without hesitation. 

He groans loudly, tilting his head back with his eyes shut for a moment before looking down at where he’s seated to the hilt inside you, unmoving. 

“You lookin’? You need me, too, I can see it in your eyes. Look,” he reaches forward to grab at your jaw, making you watch yourself as he slowly pulls his cock out and slams it back inside to kiss your cervix. Again, and again, and again. “See that?”

Rydal forces your head to nod with his hand still holding your face while you try to speak, voice coming out unclear against the panties still in your mouth. The stupid fucking fabric was making it hard to breathe and you were going to pass out, drunk on his cock, you were going to faint against the god damn builder’s grade medicine cabinet. You want to moan out loud, you want to tell him he wasn’t playing fair, that he was going too slow. You want to pull his beautiful hair out and yell at him, you want him to hurry up and fuck you harder, you—

You’re coming. 

“Ohhh, fuuuuck,” he let go of your face, hands dropping to press on your lower back and push you more forward, your hands clambering on the mirror like a fool. “Look so—so, oh fuck, baby, look at you.”

It didn’t take him long at all to make a mess of you. 

“You gonna take it back? Take back what you said, tell me you were wrong,” he whines, still fucking you hard but not hard enough. 

The problem was that he was dragging his girth out slowly but stealing your breath on every hard thrust forward. And it still wasn’t enough, not for this, not for right now. 

Your attempt at speaking is ruined by the fact that your panties were still in your mouth, your saliva soaking the material by this point. You wanted to spit it out, hurl the obstructive garment across the room but it wasn’t possible in your current position. He can’t possibly be stupid enough to expect you to answer him like this. 

He almost laughs when he realises you’re trying to say something, quickly pulling the fabric from your mouth to let you finally have your voice back and you immediately let out a cry at his perfectly timed thrust. His cock was moving faster, intent on not having you speak but making you come again. Now that he could hear you, he was becoming more and more unhinged. 

Embarrassingly, you’re having a hard time keeping your voice down, whines and cries falling from your lips continuously while Rydal fucked you against his sink. Your hands are leaving fingerprints all over his mirror from where you’re trying to get a grip and push yourself back on him, his own hands keeping you bent over for him but squeezing whatever flesh he could reach. 

Leaning forward to kiss your back, he mumbles words he thinks you don’t hear, don’t leave me, mine, my baby, stay here—

“S’wrong, I-I was wrong,” you whimper. “M’sorry, fuck—“

“Shhh—“

“I—“ you hiccup. “I hate them, I, yesss right there, god—“

“I know, baby, I know, I got you,” he’s back to grunting in your ear and you can’t see or feel anything that isn’t Rydal. 

You’re overwhelmed by everything that’s happened tonight, your feelings from earlier still bubbling up and causing you to tear up while he continues to ram into you. He sees you crying, reaching his hand in front of you to toy with your clit.

“Stay with me,” he demands, voice low against the shell of your ear. Desperate, he’s still so fucking needy even after making you cry on his cock. 

You nod before you realise you’re nodding, sniffling in your daze. 

Rydal’s index finger, the same one he teased you with earlier, starts circling your clit in the surefire way he knows how to make you cum, grunting when he feels your walls fluttering over his length. 

And when you’re gushing all over him, his finger still circles your nub but he stills his hips as he feels you come undone and talks you through it. Pretty baby, love you so fucking much, stay, stay with me, stay—

Lifting you off his length he takes off your dress completely and turns you around with his hand wrapped around your neck to bring his mouth to yours, kissing you like a man possessed. He doesn’t wait to slip his tongue into your mouth, claiming it as his own to prove a point. He’s always fucking proving a point, always pushing his way through your walls. 

Walking you backwards towards his bed, he only breaks away from your mouth to help you remove his shirt and pants, your hands mapping out his chest and shoulders. You don’t let him get far from you even as you lower yourself to lay back on the mattress, pulling his body along needily while he crawls over you. 

This time when he enters you, it’s slower, softer, gentle, but you’re shaking in his arms, foreheads touching as you share a breath and syrupy kisses. You cry a little, mascara messy and lipstick smudged, but he shushes you, mocking you, “thought you could leave me,” he says and anticipating your rebuttal — as he does, he always fucking does — he says, “thought you could go on without my cock, hmm?”

And then he’s kissing you again before you can say anything, effectively shutting you up while pressing you into the mattress, fucking the fight out of you as his hips slide into yours again and again. Your bodies are sweat ridden, your pussy is soaking his sheets and he still hasn’t cum yet, but you think he’s close. He has to be, he’s barely pulling out now, his length throbbing inside your pulsing walls as he ruts into you. 

He’s biting your shoulder and your eyes are focused on the popcorn ceiling, your oversensitive core trembling as he tries to pull another orgasm from you. You’re probably crying, it’s hard to tell at this point, face and body damp, but your ears are attuned to his sounds, his gorgeous whimpers and grunts. Rydal’s body is heavy on yours but you’re floating, you don’t feel a thing until his thumb starts pressing hard against your clit that you try to curl in on yourself, thrashing against him and– yeah, you’re crying. 

He’s speaking absolute filth, it doesn’t make any sense, but in the midst of your pleasure you hear him saying he’s going to fill you up. 

He does. It’s so wet between your legs, the glide of his half aborted thrusts smacking lewdly and loudly and you feel like an exposed nerve and numb all at once. His spend is leaking out of you and just when you expect him to pull out and play with your puffy folds, he turns on his side, keeping you full of him. Rydal rests his face against your chest, your sweaty and spent bodies tangled together. Boneless and breathless. 

His arms are everywhere, one running down the length of your thigh soothingly and the other wrapped under your torso to pull you close by your waist. Touching, always touching. That’s been one constant you’ve noticed from the start. Your breaths are echoing loudly and you’re almost afraid to speak, afraid to ruin the tranquil silence that envelops you both. 

You open your eyes to find him already watching you. 

“I’m hopeless without you,” he says, so so softly. “I’ll let you win at monopoly every time, I’ll stop ruining the ending of the books you’re reading, fuck, just tell me what I have to do. Tell me, I’ll do it.”

You just hold him tighter to you, kissing his temple.

[reigningqueenofwords]

Surprise

Pairing: Sam x Reader Word count: 1,371

Read on AO3

Part 1 of When Did We Get a Kid?

Walking in your apartment door, you tossed your keys onto the little end table. “Hey, Sammy?” You called. Hearing laughter, you assumed he was watching something on TV. Shaking your head, you moved to the kitchen. Setting down the bag of groceries, you froze. You heard the laughter again, but that was far too life like to be on television. Abandoning your task of putting food away, you followed the sound down the hall. Stopping right at your room mate’s door.

You opened Sam’s door and blinked. There, on the floor, was Sam. He was currently being tackled by a little boy that couldn’t be older than three. “Hey, Y/N. I didn’t hear you get home.” He said before laughing again.

“Yeah. Um. When did we get a kid?” You asked, pointing to the little boy. Finally, the kid looked up at you and smiled. “I told you not to get a dog, so you went out and got a human?” You teased him. The apartment complex wouldn’t let you have pets, but that didn’t stop him from trying to convince you to get one in secret. 

Lifting the kid off of him, Sam got up and ran his hand through his hair. Smiling, he picked up the boy. “This is Connor. He’s my friend’s son. Him and his wife are taking a trip to his uncle’s funeral. They didn’t think a three year old would do very well with that.” He told you, tickling Connor’s stomach. You agreed with that. Kids and funerals didn’t go well together.

Nodding slowly, you had to admit the kid was cute, and Sam seemed good with him. “How long?” Your arms were over your chest as you leaned against the door frame.

“A week.”

You let out a sigh. “Not like I can say ’no’ now, can I? Where’s he gonna sleep? It’s not like we have a toddler’s bed lying around.” Had you had time to prepare, you could have at least picked up something.

“I told him he could sleep in my bed.” Sam shrugged. “I’ll sleep on the couch.” Glancing over your shoulder, you looked at the couch, and then back to him.

“Sam?”

“Hm?”

“There’s no way that your gigantic a– butt will fit on that couch.” You teased, making him roll his eyes. Looking at the kid, you noted how his eyes were drooping. You glanced at your watch. “Does he nap?” Wasn’t that something kids did?

Sam glanced down and chuckled. “Yeah. I’ll get him to sleep and then be right out.” You nodded and walked away, cracking his door.

Out of all the things that you could have come home to- a kid was not something you ever would have guessed. Dean on the couch passed out? Sure. Happened every now and then. Jo ready for a girl’s day? Yeah. Sam hunched over some books researching something for school? Sure, despite it being spring break. But a kid? Never.

Shaking your head, you went back to put your groceries away. You hoped that you had things that he would eat. You had been a pretty picky eater, so you knew that he could be the same way. It didn’t take long to put everything away, so you folded the paper bag and put it in the recycling bin.

Not too long after you sat on the couch Sam joined you. “So. A kid?” You teased.

“Yeah. I couldn’t say no.”

“It’s okay. Just, can you warn me next time? A text? A call? Smoke signal?” He shoved you gently, making you laugh. “I could have bought something at the store for him.”

Sam shrugged. “Sorry. I got caught up in playing.”

Smiling, you leaned your head on his shoulder. “I saw that. You are a big kid, after all….” You’d come home more than once to see him sleeping at some weird angle on the couch. It reminded you of a giant five year old. “He seems to really like you.”

“I’ve known him since he was born. I’m like an uncle to him.” He explained. That wasn’t hard to imagine. Sam was a likable guy.

“And you don’t have to sleep on the couch. You know how sore you get. I’ve got a huge bed. You can share. I’m sure it’ll be fine.” It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve had to share. The year before you had booked two hotel rooms for a concert. When you got there, they had one ready, and with a queen. Thankfully, they had given you some of your money back, but you’d had to bunk together.

“You sure?”

Chuckling, you nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure. You’re doing someone a favor. No need to suffer for it. Besides, I’d end up having to give you a back rub or something.” He had you walk on his back more than once.

“Fine.” He agreed. “After his nap, you wanna go to the park with us?” Sam asked. You could tell he was glancing down at you.

You shrugged. “Let’s see what time it is. Someone will have to feed you two when you get home.” You pointed out. “Does he like pasta?” Hopefully Sam knew what he liked. You didn’t want to make dinner, just to find out he didn’t like it. “Or if he’s allergic to anything?”

“He is allergic to peanuts.” It was the most common food allergy, after all. “I don’t think he’s allergic to anything else, though.”

“There goes most foods that I know kids would at least try to eat….” Sitting up, you let your head fall back. “I guess I should head back to the store. I may be awhile. I’ll have to read packages to make sure there’s no chance of peanuts.” His hand landed on your knee and gave a small squeeze. “You owe me, Winchester.” You teased, getting up.

He laughed. “Yeah, yeah.” Sam grabbed the remote and kicked his feet up. “I’ll text you when we leave so you know. Oh, and I think Dean said him and his new girlfriend are coming over tomorrow.”

You shot him a look. “Anyone else? Elvis, maybe? Bigfoot?”

“Nah. Maybe next week.”

Sighing, you walked back to the entry way and grabbed your keys to head right back to the store. It was going to be a long week, but at least it was with Sam. He seemed to be a natural with kids. You smiled at the thought and slid into your car. Hearing your phone go off, you checked your text before starting the car.

Grab Twizzlers. Pls.

Sam and is random texts. He had been on a Twizzlers kick lately. You were pretty sure that he’d buy out one of the stores one of these days.

Np. You’re lucky I <3 you.

Hitting send, you made your way to the store. For the second time that day. You’d never shopping for a kid, let alone one with an allergy. You had your work cut out for you. Grabbing a cart, you started in the cereal isle. All you wanted to do was relax and watch lame tv with your best friend. Looked like that wouldn’t be happening for a week. He’d be busy with Connor, not that you were mad about that.

An hour later, you finally piled the food into the trunk of your car. You hadn’t gotten a text from Sam yet, so you guessed they hadn’t gone to the park. Maybe you would join them after all.

Walking back in your front door, it was oddly quiet. No tv playing, no laughter, nothing. It was creepy. You set the bags down and quietly put anything refrigerated or frozen away. The rest could wait. You weren’t a neat freak like Dean. Man was a mechanic, but his house was spotless. You checked the living room, and there was no Sam. The next place you thought to look was his room.

And there he was. Laying on the bed, arm draped over Connor, who looked so peaceful. Pulling out your phone, you snapped a picture. You could not let that pass. Shutting the door as quietly as you could, you decided to make dinner for when the boys woke up. 

[multi-fandom-fanfiction]

Requests I have (if you don't see yours please let me know)

Jamie and Cersei Lannister X Daughter!Reader (Platonic)

(Cersei wants to marry off there daughter but she is Jamie”s pride and joy and wont let that happen)

FP Jones X Reader (Smut) (FP Jones x reader!Andrew!rough)

Joffery Baratheon X Sister!Reader (Platonic!!!) he’s sadistic like joffery? that’s the reason they’re really close and trust each other more than anything

Joffery Baratheon X Sister!Reader (Smut) (joffrey imagine where him and his sister (2 years older) have always had sexual tension but they never saw it that way and one night while she’s changing joffrey bursts through the door angry about something but stops when he sees her. both of them at this point are horny for each other and he comes up to her kissing her while he grabs her breast and shes kind of in shock still but melts into it and yeah they have sex on the bed and take turns topping each other)

Ramsay Bolton X Sister!Reader (Smut) (Ramsay (got) has a younger sister and they often have intercourse, but this one night Ramsay brings Reek, his father and mother into readers room and ties them up. He tells them to watch. So Ramsay and her have really rough sex and tells them to look at her and makes her look at them to make sure they knows how good Ramsay makes her feel. When they’re done they kill them)

Betty Cooper X Fem!Reader (damn! i would have never imagined myself being with betty but when i was reading your post, u couldn’t stop myself from smiling! soft girlfriends haha. i love it! 💖💖💖 could you do something like this but as best friends with cheryl/toni or even both if it’s not too hard for you? i wanna see where it would go!)

Daenerys Targaryen X mercenary!male reader (The reader is a mercenary whom Cersei hires to kidnap Daenerys shortly after she arrives at Dragonstone. But instead of bringing Dany to Cersei, the mercenary decides to keep her for himself and tame her into becoming his willing lover)

Cersei Lannister X Fem!Reader (The reader faints in Cersei"s arm)

Petyr Baelish X Baratheon Fem!Reader (Semi Requested!) (Now that all of her brothers are gone Robert"s legitimate daughter has risen to be seated on the throne. Her council is demanding a husband what will the new queen do!)

Robb Stark X Baratheon Fem!Reader (Hey I love your work! Could I request some angsty robb stark x reader? Maybe reader is Cersei and robert’s true child and was married off to robb. Cersei is very distressed about your wellbeing when the war breaks out and when she learns of the plans of the red wedding, she begs her father to spare you. He does but at a price for your continued show of hatred of the Baratheons and lannisters. Letting you have to watch as robb dies and returning you home without realizing you’re pregnant.)

A wolverine request but I can’t find the info (so if you requested a wolverine request please resend it)

1.Twisted Desires

Dean, Sam, and Y/N Winchester were trapped together from the moment John found yellow eyes had killed the mother of his child was killed by yellow eyes in 1988 exactly five years after his wife and mother of his eldest two children were murdered by the same demon. The three lived by there father’s code doesn’t go somewhere twice and you don’t stay long. They never got to make friends so they were all each other had so maybe it was a flower in the attic complex. The three siblings loved each other far more than anyone else ever but maybe Sam and Dean’s love wasn’t a way older brothers were supposed to love their little sisters and Y/N’s love wasn’t a way a little sister should love her brothers. But they controlled themselves the best they could. Sam went away to college and Y/N and Dean continued until Sammy got home. The three of them wouldn’t admit it but they needed each other but one night after all three Winchesters were frustrated over a particularly hard case and tightened sexual tension. Sam threatens to leave and Dean tells him to go. What happens when Y/N breaks down and begs him to stay? Will she confess how she feels or will there twisted desires remain hidden?

1.Going against the gods

Ivar the Boneless always felt like everyone tortured him everyone but his perfect goddess like Y/H/C (Your Hair Color) hair and Y/E/C (Your eye color) little sister. She was made for him she loved all her brother’s but Ivar knew he was her favorite. Whatever he wanted she gave him whatever he wanted her to do she did. When he killed Sigurd she didn’t call him a monster and never talk to him again. She began to cry and beg the gods to let him into Valhalla but not before Ragnar’s only living daughter took his hands softly and told him he needs to work on his temper but she still loved him. When Ubbe and Hvitserk boarded the boat she refused yelling, “He needs us I will not leave our brother and I will not choose between the three of you.” Though his sister began to distance herself after he married Freydis and realized he was a god. She began to pull away from Ivar and with ever pull there was a slide closer to there older brother Hvitserk. Ivar didn’t like it and as king he had to stop it even if that meant going against the gods.

1.Love At First Sight

Okayyy so It Would be the little sister of Scott (cyclops) and Alex(Havok) wich would fall un Love With logan the first Time she sees him☺️(3

1.I never stopped loving you

Billy Hargrove and Y/N Harrington were young and in love many years ago in high school. They broke up because Billy didn’t know his worth. Billy stayed in Hawkins went to a trading school and opened a garage. He even started steadily with a new girl after Y/N never came home at Christmas and then summer. She went to a big college a few states away her way of escaping her family even though Billy always said she was running from him and his messy life. A few weeks after moving to college she finds out the biggest shock of her life. She was carrying Billy Hargrove’s baby. Only one person knew, her twin brother Steve Harrington. Now four years later Billy is engaged and Y/N is finally coming home. What will happen with the two back in town together? 

2.Love Again

After Diana left him he though for sure he would never love again. Then the summer after the Hargrove's moved to town here comes Neil’s eldest daughter. 22-year-old Y/N moves to Hawkins Indiana after college. She pulled up one day to pick Max up from  El’s. The moment Jim swung the door open his breath left his chest. What happens when he hires her as Eleven’s tutor and Jim finds himself falling in love with the young woman. Will Y/N fill the same way? Is this Jim Hopper’s chance to love again or will he get his heart broken again?

MY girl

Nikki and her new girlfriend make it official

1.Two Broken Souls

Y/N is heavier than her friends and suffers from it. They are constantly putting her down. Her parents are constantly fighting at home. Jughead Jones is the loner boy from the wrong side of the tracks. Both are broken and hurting. Will They find Solace in each other or will they both suffer in silence.

2. Death … and new chances

Y/N Andrews's best friend dies and she is opened to a new possibility for her son

1. Together: 

Alex Standall Smut (4)

2. Our kids …..

Y/N Jensen is ready to co-parent with her one night stand 

3. octavia blake x sister reader smut

4. Rebekah mikaelson x sister reader smut

[annie-creates]

Ray of sunshine

Pairing: Lady Lesso x reader

Genre: angst

Words: 1600

Note: This is a second part to Try to come home but you'll be fine reading it as a oneshot too. Do not ask me for another part, cause I'll most probably kill someone. You've been warned. I want everyone to imagine a good or bad ending to this as they please. Thank you for the request, it looks like I enjoy writing screaming people.

You used to be a fantastic, fun, bubbly person. Most people would describe you as a ray of sunshine, your wife included. But every sun can be shadowed by the stormy clouds, and that’s exactly what your wife was. One would say your exact opposite. You used to think that’s why you two worked so well together, clicking like a puzzle. But lately what felt like a spring rain full of life became a dreadful storm leaving nothing but disaster behind. A tornado with awful consequences. You knew what you signed up for marrying the literal dean of evil, but you never imagined it would get so hard. You’d think after having two kids together you would both compromise to keep things going, but no. You were the only one who had to make sacrifices all the time and you were getting tired and sick of it. She wouldn’t take a time off at work to help you around the house with chores you couldn’t do yourself anymore being heavily pregnant. She wouldn’t come home a few hours earlier to help you prepare for your third child. Everything you asked for was met with a string of excuses. You felt like a single parent with her late home coming and even no shows.

“Hello.” Your wife exclaimed unenthusiastically once she arrived home, too late to be counted as a reasonable hour again.

“Hi.” Your voice lacked the usual cheer, but she didn’t wanna push you by asking. She knew you were already on a thin ice with or your arguments lately and frankly, she was exhausted herself not wanting another fight.

“Well, do you want to know how my day was?” she asked unsure, looking for dinner around the kitchen since you made no move to serve it to her. Seems like she’s her own cook tonight.

“I wanna say something, and I don’t want you to fight me on this.” You were finally ready to admit to yourself that you can’t do this anymore. “I can’t handle all this, not now. I want a break. I fucking deserve one.” You chuckled dryly.

“Um… what?” dinner long forgotten Leonora didn’t understand where you’re going with this and it scared her.

“I want to go to my parents in Auradon. For some time. You’re never home and I can’t take care of this place all alone now. Hell sometimes I have to sit on the floor for hours because I fall and can’t get myself up. I’m tired, I’m in pain, and none of this is any good for our baby. So.” You took a little pause, still not letting her get any words in. “I wanna know if you can take care of our children or if I should take them with me?”

“I…” Lesso sat staring at you dumbfounded hardly believing what she heard. “Honey maybe we should talk about this…” she pleaded, her voice trembling and scared.

“Baby I’m not leaving you, I love you, please don’t think for a minute I don’t. But I can’t do this anymore. You’re not willing to stay home, I usually don’t even see you all day, and handling two children, the whole house and a pregnancy is just too much for me. I’m sorry.” You rather didn’t tell her about all the accidents that led you to this decision, you didn’t want her to worry. “And I don’t want to have another fight about this, please.”

The fact you knew her so well you could literally say what she’s thinking surprised her. She wouldn’t be able to tell what your favorite tea flavor is and you could quite literally read her mind. She also saw you have already decided. Nothing she could say or do would change your decision, so she wanted to hear your plea out and just accept it as a fact. It wasn’t the end, right? You won’t be pregnant forever, and once you are not, everything will be back to normal with a new bundle of joy to have around, or so she thought.

You decided to spend the night together at least, laying in each other’s arms just like you did on your wedding night. When you fell asleep, which didn’t take long from the exhaustion of the day, she could finally take a good look at you. She saw the bags under your eyes, how your skin turned a bit paler shade. How your hair wasn’t freshly washed for a few days. Your pajama shirt had a stain form yoghurt you served your kids for breakfast and you obviously hadn’t had the time to wash it yet. Or maybe you couldn’t reach down to the washing machine? She started to silently cry overwhelmed with everything going on. With regret she wasn’t here enough for you. Or didn’t put her kids to bed most of the time. Didn’t bath them or give them goodbye kisses in the morning cause they weren’t up yet.

In the morning she helped you pack the kids and said goodbye to you all leaving the house in a carriage sent by your mother to pick you up. She left the house not too long after that, going around her day at the school as if nothing happened. Her brain didn’t really process the changes in her life yet. Maybe a little separation will do you some good. You’ll get a little rest from each other, come to different thoughts. But none of her thoughts were happy once she came home. The house was cold and dark. Unwashed dishes from breakfast were the only thing to great her back. The kids’ beds weren’t made. Your room was unwelcoming without you in it. Suddenly it felt like the house lacked any spirit to it. Everything that made this place fun and cheerful left. It wasn’t a home anymore, just a house. She didn’t last more than one night in the place without you, opting to stay in her old chambers at the school afterwards.

Lesso came to visit you at your parents’ castle once in a while, but the long way made it practically impossible for her to come more than a few times a month from the school. She was overjoyed to see your kids laugh and play and you in a much better state than you were back home. Perhaps the change of environment really did you good. You were her ray of sunshine again. That’s why she didn’t want you to notice the hurting sting of regret that overtook her heart every time it was time to leave. You ensured her how much you loved her every time and she knew you’d drop your comfort and come with her if you as much as noticed a single tear on her face.

The next time she was coming to the castle, she was rushing, almost flying over the roads. God damn it, I knew she shouldn’t have moved so far, she thought. The courier with the news of your labor came in the middle of her last class, making her cut the lesson short and flee the school in seconds. She made many mistakes in your relationship lately but not being there to support you throughout your child birth was something she’d never forgive herself for. She ran through the castle hallways looking for you, finally being directed to the right room. There you were, laying in bed supported by number of pillows with sweat running down your face.

“No, I can’t do this without her! I need my fucking wife!” you screamed at your mother who stood at the side of your bed. “The baby can’t come yet!”

“Princess this baby is coming now.” The nurse informed you, and apparently you didn’t take the news well, cause you took her by the collar pulling her face close to yours.

“I swear to god if you make me do this without the mother of my children I will curse you and your family for twelve generations. Don’t fuck with me.” Heck and she wondered what attracted her to you so much.

“It’s okay, I’m here love. No need to curse the poor lady.” Leonora stepped into action waking up from her amazement and stood by your side in the nurse’s place.

“Fucking finally! What took you so long!?” you raided your anger at her but were cut of by a painful scream holding her hand for dear life so strongly your knuckles turned white.

“I’m sorry! Please don’t break my hand…” she shut up really fast tho after the look of pure fury you gave her.

“I’m never bearing another child of yours!” you screamed with another contraction wanting to insult everyone in a mile perimeter if it lessened your pain.

After a few more hours and many curse words nobody has ever heard you use that made her sure she never wants to be on the receiving end of your anger, your baby finally cried for the first time. The rage and pain in your face was suddenly exchanged for an expression of pure bliss. You were exhausted, with rows of sweat coming down your face and your hair slacked back into the pillow. But you were finally happy and free of the pain. The nurse placed the baby on your chest, giving you some bonding time before you passed the bundle of little hands and legs to your wife.

“Aww, look. Hey little one.” Leonora beamed at the child who laughed back at her, loving her voice. Noticing you being unresponsive, she shifted her attention to you. “Y/n? Y/N!? Y/N!”

[waitmyturtles]

Turtles Finds a Coping Mechanism: The Until We Meet Again Rewatches

I've been so committed to crushing through the Old GMMTV Challenge that I kind of didn't allow myself to think that life's blips and bloops would shake me from my pace.

Well, real life has SLAYED ME as of late, SLAYED ME, and as @lurkingshan has noted to me -- yes, there's a CERTAIN amount of dissonance for my watching UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN, OF ALL SHOWS, as a coping mechanism, but here we are. I wanted to copy @bengiyo and rewatch UWMA anyway as a means of preparing for New Siwaj's Absolute Zero, which will be premiering at the end of September -- a time when my life will be calm-ish (???) again -- so I decided to take the plunge to see if UWMA would be a salve to my frayed nerves. It is, it totally is.

So here's some stream of consciousness notes, quite unlike my usual comparative/analytical style, just to honor what a ridiculously fabulous show UWMA is. (In my OGMMTVC analyses, I don't always get to gush over the cute stuff anyway because my posts get so long, so I'm doing a little of that here, too, ha.)

I knew that as soon as I watched it the first time for the OGMMTVC that I desperately wanted to rewatch it, so I just gave myself the go-ahead to eat the leum kleun candy. I've already completed one rewatch and am well into a second rewatch -- this show is so damn good, and now that I know the beats much better, I'm just having a lot of fun seeing in-depth the little nuances I missed the first time.

1) On my first watch, I did not appreciate how clearly Pharm was into Dean from the very start. The way Pharm flips through the photos of Dean that Team sends him from the first beach trip; the photo of Dean eating Del's breakfast; the way Pharm looks at the Facebook photo of Dean holding up the leum kleun. And how Pharm reacts when he saves Dean's phone number in his phone -- that ENORMOUS grin. I knew a lot going in the first time about Pharm's blushing maiden approach and how he was gunshy with intimacy for so much of the show. But I forgot in those early episodes -- homeboy was really into his crush! Taking that secret photo in the library, etc. He acknowledged it pretty immediately -- especially in that whispered conversation Pharm has with Team and Manaow in their English class. I had also forgotten that the show began with Pharm possibly questioning his sexuality, but being solidly knowledgable that it was Dean that was causing him to catch feelings.

2) Speaking of that fleeting moment in the library: after having watched the entire series the first time around, and remembering that Dean had saved that very first Post-It that Pharm had used to write a quick note on the papers that Pharm gave back to Dean in the library in... episode 2? Pharm had originally erased his name on that Post-It. It didn't click with me until this rewatch that Dean was able to make out Pharm's erased name from that Post-It -- which caused Dean to save the note, and use it as reference in the very last scene of the series. So cute.

3) I finally took the time to read about Phra Aphai Mani, the prince of the legend that Dean and Pharm talk about in the aquarium. Remember how Pharm says to Dean that Pharm doesn't like players?

DUDES. HAVE YOU READ ABOUT PHRA APHAI MANI? I guess, like, yes, if you're gonna have a super-long epic poem, a lot of shit needs to happen, but Aphai just kept marrying WIFE AFTER WIFE! FOUR WIVES TOTAL! One ogress, one mermaid, and two maybe humans? A half-ogress son here, a half-mer/son THERE, prince of THIS, king of THAT. Homeboy's life was COMPLICATED! I'm all EXTREMELY SYMPATHETIC to chaos, but this takes the damn cake. (And maybe gives me a touch more context into what's happening with that second marriage in I Feel You Linger In the Air, without the actual monsters/mermaids.) (Oh man -- imagine the Only Friends version of Phra Aphai Mani.) (NO.)

4) The first time around, I kind of though that the bits about Alex hitting on Pharm were a little extraneous and maybe a touch unnecessary, à la New Siwaj's style. But after my first rewatch, I stopped thinking so, and I actually began to enjoy them -- not only for how ridiculous they are, but I also recognized that that was the first time in the show that we see Pharm establishing boundaries. Of course, we see Pharm in his blushing maiden era forming boundaries with his P'Deeeean. But the way he's very clear with Alex, putting up as many walls as necessarily, and being exact in his communication that he likes someone else and is VERY not into dating Alex -- Pharm showed clarity and strength there. While Dean clearly liked to care for Pharm and treat Pharm as his younger companion -- Pharm also had agency, and knew he owned his agency, and I liked how that agency was first demonstrated vis à vis Alex.

5) I totally forgot about this, but -- I think it was the second time they had breakfast together in Pharm's condo? the third? that scene where Pharm's wearing the yellow shirt and he drops the bowl -- remember when Pharm asks Dean if he's mixed-race? I don't think I still understand the meaning of that. I'm guessing Pharm is asking if Dean is Thai-Chinese? I want to think on this more, because -- in episode 16, when Pharm goes to his uncle's/grandpa's house, it is clear that the house is a Thai-Chinese household. There are banners with Chinese script on the walls. I wonder if that was meant to indicate that Pharm was under the impression that he himself (Pharm) was fully ethnic Thai -- but with his relationship to his dad's side of the family being more revealed, it would turn out that Pharm himself was also "mixed." I did think it was cute that Pharm said, "I like it" to Dean after Dean's answer -- another instance where Pharm was being clearly flirty, despite the whole blushing maiden thing.

6) I did not appreciate the first time around, how good Ohm Thitiwat's acting was in the car scene when he's processing Korn's suicide. At the end of the series, I was so taken by the condo scene that I failed to give props to other intense moments, and that car scene was one of them. When Dean arrives at the building where Pharm and Sin lived next to each other -- a part of me wondered if he had originally intended to visit Sin, before hesitating to knock on Pharm's door. I'm not sure, and I wasn't sure after this rewatch. But that was a hell of a recognition moment on the part of Ohm's acting, and it was really damn good. (In fact -- it was my thinking about that car scene, and my wanting to watch it again, that prompted these rewatches in the first place.)

7) It may have been a little confusing, but: I really liked that the Korn x Intouch flashbacks were never presented in chronological order. I liked that the show had Dean and Pharm piece together their dreams and nightmares to come to a collective understanding about the trajectory of Korn and Intouch's relationship, even before Dean receives the background information from Sin. I know I was always a little confused during my first watch as to what moment in time I was watching with Korn and Intouch, but I recognize now that that was a reflection simply of when Pharm and Dean were receiving the same information themselves -- and I liked that the viewer was going through the same process that Dean and Pharm were going through.

8) At the way beginning of the series -- episode 2, maybe? episode 3? -- I like that Dean slyly figures out where to park himself on campus to see Pharm coming out of class. This is before the electric transformer explosion. Dean already was so swayed by Pharm. So cute.

9) I think it first struck me as a touch weird that Manaow and Del (Dean's sister!) were the admins of the DeanPharm chat group. But now that I can think more about it -- I wonder if they were doing that maybe as a way to help Pharm through his hesitancy and protect him from the fans. That being said: one of my absolute favorite moments was when Del first leans about Dean's first sleepover at Pharm's condo -- the way she jumps up and down and tries to calm her smile down. I was CRAAACKING up.

10) Maybe it's because I'm Indian, and used to very large and complicated families, that the relationship between Dean being a part of Intouch's family and having Korn's spirit, and vice versa with Pharm, wasn't confusing to me. But what really got me during my first rewatch was: Fluke Natouch's just INCREDIBLE acting when Pharm first meets Intouch's sister/Dean's grandmother, and Intouch's niece/Dean's mother. When I first watched the scene of Pharm meeting Dean's grandmother, a number of friends commented on loving that scene as well. GOD. It struck me as hard the second time around as the first time. And I think I was even MORE moved the second time around to see Pharm meeting Dean's mother.

Dean's mother had to process a LOT in the moment that she met Pharm. She had to process that her son had a boyfriend, that that boyfriend was there in her house in the first place, and that she'd have to tell her husband (Dean's dad) that their son's boyfriend was sleeping over. AND, that was all BEFORE Pharm had his reaction to Dean's mom once he was finally awake and processing things again. And THEN, she knew that Dean HIMSELF would have to tell his dad the next day and ask for his blessing. Moms have to go through a lot (do I ever know that life), but that was a LOT for Dean's mom, and god, I just gained a new appreciation for those scenes and how Dean and Pharm managed the whole damn thing together. (Also, now that I've seen The Love of Siam, as well as, of course, KinnPorsche -- and, OH, Be My Favorite, too! Kob Songsit. LEGENDARY BL DAD!)

11) My initial flip-out on the condo scene still stands. During my rewatch, I rewound it, like... three times? Fuck, man. One of the BEST BL scenes, ever, ever.

12) I loved taking my time to watch the very final scene, when Dean and Pharm have had the same dream of Korn and Intouch thanking them, and they get back together. I really loved paying attention to how all the Post-Its came back, the meaning of Never Forget, all the little notes and memories of when they had first met. Intouch's ring, the very first note Pharm wrote to Dean, all of it. Dean was such a sentimental simp from the start.

(Because I'm on such a DeanPharm kick -- and I know this is against better advice, but -- I'm considering a fast watch of Between Us just to see DeanPharm's conclusion. I know! The side couples are supposed to be chaotic, but, but. Once I get more time.)

13) Last note. Again, when I have time again, I'm wanting to write a Big Meta on separation. I've noted in some of the most important GMMTV BLs, that separation is often a key theme. But I think Pharm asking for a break was also incredibly key, and keyed into his continued commitment to setting boundaries. I think I probably fell most for Pharm as a character with him doing this -- strange, I know, since I love DeanPharm incessantly, but his standing up for clarity for his feelings meant so much for the internal strength he had gained by surviving the ordeal they had gone through. He was going to stick to his guns to make sure the relationship was authentic FOR HIM, and he did just that.

GOD, THIS WAS CATHARTIC! If you read this, thanks for going through this with me! I'm addicted to writing and this was a fun break in the midst of life chaos. I promise the OGMMTVC will hopefully continue without interruption, but that being said -- I'm watching Not Me, slowly, and having a great time with it. But UWMA is my woobie at the moment, and I just love having fallen in love with this show.

[deanwinchesterswitch]

May 2023 Fic Rec List

May was a good month for reading for me. I found some more new-to-me authors, re-read a few of my favorites, and even stumbled across a couple of wonderful original stories.

Lots of genres and a variety of fandoms to choose from too!

Enjoy!

Many of these blogs and fics are NSFW-18+. Please honor any requests from a blog regarding no minors. I am not responsible for the content you choose to consume; heed the warnings for each fic.

~Crossover~

Mess ~ @justagirlinafandomworld. You learn the side effects of sex pollen first hand. Bucky doesn’t know what to do. But Dean does. (MCU/SPN; Bucky Barnes x Reader, Dean Winchester x Reader)

~Miscellaneous~

No Title ~ @eversea143. Author's Summary: None (Original Short Story)

No Title ~ @ofgeography. Author's Summary: None (Original Short Story)

Power Play ~ @justagirlinafandomworld. Author's Summary: Ransom invites you to some charity event and you refuse to go. He doesn’t like being told ‘no.’ You don’t like being told what to do. (Ransom Drysdale x Female Reader)

~MCU~

imagine walking in on Bucky changing ~ @imamotherfuckingstar-lord. Author's Summary: None (Ficlet)

No Title ~ @justagirlinafandomworld. Author's Summary: None (Drabble; Steve Rogers x Reader)

No Title ~ @princessmisery666. Author's Summary: None (Drabble; Bucky Barnes x Reader)

No Title ~ @princessmisery666. Author's Summary: None (Drabble; Bucky Barnes x Reader)

~RPF~

Beg For It ~ @impala-dreamer. Author's Summary: Jensen and Y/N have been apart for a while and there’s one thing they’ve both missed.

In Front Of The Fireplace ~ @waywardbaby. Author's Summary: A lovely evening in front of the fireplace. With reading and other activities. (Jensen x Reader)

My Beautiful Boy ~ @impala-dreamer. Author's Summary: Jensen is curious about something his wife said she used to do back in the day and works up the courage to give it a try… (Jensen Ackles x wife!Reader)

Need ~ @wayward-dreamer. Author's Summary: After a busy day on set, Jensen needs a little time with Y/N, even if they’re miles apart.

Summer Lovin' ~ @kittenofdoomage. Author's Summary: It was supposed to be a romantic getaway to recover from a tumultuous couple of years, except things hadn’t gone to plan. Can Jensen make it up to you?

You Should Probably Leave ~ @impala-dreamer. Author's Summary: Jensen and Y/N run lines at his apartment and the sparks begin to fly

~Supernatural~

11x17 Drabble ~ @rizlowwritessortof. Author's Summary: None (Drabble; Dean Winchester)

An Exceptional Distraction ~ @impala-dreamer. Author's Summary: Stake outs can be extremely boring. Distractions are welcomed, and even helpful in the long run…

Broken Heels I, II, III ~ @trexrambling. Author's Summary: None (3-part series; Dean x Reader)

Dog Days ~ @sunlightdances. Author's Summary: Dean rescues a dog and ends up being the one rescued. (Dean Winchester x Female Reader)

God Only Knows ~ @thoughtslikeaminefield. Author's Summary: One weekend, years ago, lives rent-free in both of their minds. Three-part mini-series. (AU; Dean Winchester x female reader)

Iron Chef ~ @agenthellcat. Author's Summary: None (Ficlet; Dean Winchester)

nothing lasts forever ~ @justagirlinafandomworld. Author’s Summary: None (Drabble; Dean Winchester x Reader)

No Title ~ @girl-next-door-writes. Author's Summary: None (Drabble; Dean Winchester x Reader)

No Title ~ @girl-next-door-writes. Author's Summary: None (Drabble; Dean Winchester x Reader)

No Title ~ @impala-dreamer. Author's Summary: None (Drabble; Dean Winchester x Reader)

No Title ~ @justagirlinafandomworld. Author's Summary: None (Drabble; Sam Winchester x Reader)

No Title ~ @justagirlinafandomworld. Author's Summary: AU in which Dean personifies Rules and Reader personifies Roses. (Drabble; Dean Winchester x Reader)

No Title ~ @lipstickandwhiskey. Author's Summary: None (Drabble; Benny LaFitte x Reader)

No Title ~ @princessmisery666. Author's Summary: None (Drabble; Dean Winchester)

Now and Then ~ @thinkinghardhardlythinking. Author's Summary: Y/N and Dean met a few years ago, both lost in the uncertainty of their lives which were so far from what they had hoped for them to be, but love affairs end, some with heartbreak. Y/N moves on but when her new life sends her crashing back into Dean’s orbit, she wonders if, for her, it will ever truly be over.

Prettiest One ~ @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior. Author's Summary: Dean's leg is broken and they've given him lots of morphine for the pain. What secrets will he reveal to Y/N?

Should I stay or should I go? ~ @daisythekitty. Author's Summary: None (Dean Winchester x Reader)

Show Me What You're Hiding ~ @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior. Author's Summary: Y/N gets a glimpse of Dean, and is desperate to see even more.

Sit and Stare ~ @impalapossible. Author’s Summary: None (Ficlet; Dean x Reader)

Taste ~ @wingedcatninja. Author's Summary: Two dumbasses who are ‘just friends’ get snowed in and there is only one bed. Friends to lovers. (Dean x Reader)

Waiting ~ @thinkinghardhardlythinking. Author's Summary: Restaurant AU. Y/N and Dean are always at loggerheads regarding the restaurant, however, in a bid to reconcile their competing visions, Y/N agrees to give Dean one night to change her mind and convince her to come around to his way of thinking. One night that is supposed to be about food but ends up taking her down Memory Lane into the complicated history that the both of them share. A history that started when they were a lot younger, that took them all the way to Paris, and has somehow ended up here, tonight.

What Actually Happened... ~ @impala-dreamer. Author's Summary: Dean and Y/N finally confess their feelings and spend a long, perfect night together.

~Top Gun: Maverick~

Flowers of Fate ~ @princessmisery666. Author’s Summary: Serendipity, luck, coincidence – call it what you will, but Bradley is sure his parents may have had a hand in his good fortune. (Rooster x OFC)

On AO3

~Supernatural~

Smokes and Sex Toys ~ @wayward-and-worn. Author’s Summary: Dean is killing time in a porn store while Sam has some alone time. The case has been long, and the brothers have been getting on each other’s nerves. Even the vastness of the bunker was too close for them. Dean, losing the round of roshambo, doesn’t feel like another night in the bar.

Tip Top ~ @wayward-and-worn. Author's Summary: Complete PWP. Not even a HINT of a plot. Hotel room, bed, shower, and the partner of choice. (Pick your Winchester)

Years Between ~ @wayward-and-worn. Author's Summary: A man walks into a bar. And sees someone from his past that he never thought he would see again.

On Patreon

~Supernatural~

Rebekah Jordan (Impala-Dreamer)

Captives of the Court-Chapters Twelve and Thirteen ~ Author's Series Summary: Strange things are brewing in Connecticut, so Dean and Y/N go check it out. After stumbling through town, they fall into something that’s been going on a very, very long time. Can they put an end to the bloodshed and make it out unscathed or will they need a little help this time?

Dream On ~ Author's Summary: During a break in her convention schedule, Y/N seeks some peace and quiet but ends up with far more than planned. (Drake Rodger x Fem!Reader)

Everything Has Changed ~ Author's Summary: Sometimes, the person you fight alongside is also the person you with the most. And sometimes all that fighting is hiding other feelings, other desires... (Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader)

thinkinghardhardlythinking

Someone To Watch Over Me-Parts 17 & 18 ~ Author's Summary: (AU) Y/N is married to a very rich, decidedly unscrupulous and powerful man.  A man whose inability to trust means he hires someone to watch over his wife while he isn’t around. He hires Dean Winchester, a handsome stranger to Y/N, who is soon to become a very big part of her life.

[egipci]

Sorry for the long message but I 100% agree about Alicent and Otto’s relationship feeling more viscerally wrong than the actual on-screen incest. With the Targaryens, incest is just an accepted and normalized part of life, and the show (unfortunately imo) doesn’t really try to unpack the harm in this kind of institutional indoctrination and grooming. Even with Daemon and Rhaenyra, they aged her up to be conveniently 18 when he takes her to the brothel, and it’s framed as sexy and liberating. There’s still grooming, but it feels like the writers went out of their way to sanitize it as much as possible so that audiences would root for them.

The intimacy, secrecy and AMBIGUITY between Otto and Alicent otoh is just so… uncanny. Especially with how the daughter/wife role she plays for both Otto and Viserys blur into one. And you’re right that this is definitely a gendered issue that can’t be compared 1:1 to a male character. A woman in this society is her fathers property first, until he hands her over to a husband, and in a way this implies that these two relationships are synonymous.

But I think it’s so interesting how both Dean and Alicent are so consumed by the idea of duty, obedience and sacrifice (especially to family). So much of their worth is tied to how useful they are and how much they can give of themselves to others. Their repressed bitterness towards the one who they feel managed to escape this burden: "While you flout all to do as you please. Where is duty? Where is sacrifice?" to Rhaenyra + "You don’t think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. Where the hell were you?" to Sam. Idk I just love this kind of character who tries soooo hard to be a good tool even if it’s futile and to their own detriment.

hello hello sorry i'm late <3

I do think it's kind of strange/a missed opportunity that HotD isn't exploring the "why is incest bad?" question more. Neutralizing the social stigma allows for something deeper that just "because it's icky" (if you're at all familiar with communities where cousin marriage is common you would know that the "genetic risks" are at the bottom of the list of issues -- and even that is very distinct from sibling incest or uncle/niece, etc). I think the choking scene in the finale hints at something there to do with heir/heir rivalry, but other than that they're giving us a nice wholesome older man/younger girlboss relationship.

Anyway-- back to Alicent! I love her! She is Daddy's bestest girl! I haven't read the book but I know one change the show made was aging her down to maker her closer to Rhaenyra's age-- but imagine if they hadn't and we got to see her be her dad's wife for a while before being shipped off to Viserys. Like I said, John is so deeply parasitic and reliant on Dean, and we don't get to see Otto exploit her for his own personal *well-being* in the same way-- we see him comparing her to her mother twice: the first time he redirects her sexual appeal to another man, and the second he redirects her motherly influence towards her son -- I would say the best J/D parallel to that is the monster bait/ hitchhiker business and that outsourcing of sexual violence. Which isn't to say she couldn't have served that replacement spouse function for Otto-- my girl just didn't get the chance. And now I'm thinking once again about fantasy au J/D!

[angofwords]

rules: list 9 favorite books of 2023 or 9 books on your TBR list for 2024

My nine favorite (first time reads) in no particular order:

She Gets the Girl by Rachael Lippincott and Alyson Derrick: Classic rom-com shenanigans with a pair of delightful characters.

Good Different by Meg Eden Kuyatt: A middle school girl who feels like she doesn't fit in with her friends discovers that she's autistic. This one is written in verse and beautifully expresses a neurodivergent perspective.

Spear by Nicola Griffith: A gorgeous re-imagining of the story of the Lady of the Lake, rich with historical texture.

The Witch's Heart by Genevieve Gornichec: Norse mythology brought stunningly to life in the story of Angrboda, a beautiful witch and the wife of Loki.

The Darkness Outside Us by Eliot Schrefer: Two young men from warring countries set out on a rescue mission to Jupiter's moon Titan, but they must work together when evidence suggests that their mission may be going horribly wrong.

In Memoriam by Alice Winn: A love story set against the horrors of the Great War that explores how war damages and breaks people, but also how love can help them survive.

Odin's Child by Siri Petterson (translated by Siân Mackie and Russell Garrett): The first in a trilogy inspired by Scandinavian folklore about a girl who discovers that she doesn't belong in the world she inhabits.

The Road to Roswell by Connie Willis: A hilarious adventure begins when a reluctant bridesmaid for an alien-themed wedding meets a very real extraterrestrial.

Wrath Goddess Sing by Maya Deane: Building on the story of Achilles dressing as a maiden in Skyros, this book takes it a step further with a transgender Achilles being granted a woman's body by Athena before going to fight at Troy.

While many of these didn't come out in 2023, I read them all for the first time that year. Not all of these were perfect, but they all made me me feel something profound, and I recommend each one wholeheartedly! Thank you to @noburrowingtactics for tagging me!

[missmisdemeanor]

I have been THINKING about your response to the fear play post and.. What is something Dean wants but wouldn't ask for from John, and what's something he requests and John indulgences? Kinky or not.

(alternatively pls elaborate on masochist samjohn aahhaha 🙏)

I think the things Dean doesn't ask for are a lot more likely to be romantic than sexual. It's easier to ask John to fuck him harder or whatever, especially in the heat of the moment. But it's impossible to ask him "call me this," or "could you hold me for a while?" It's difficult to call the way they care about each other out into the open, they've established a careful routine, a way of talking to each other and touching each other that's not simple. And he's still calling John "Dad," and they're not a couple, not really, and Dean doesn't know if he even wants them to be. It's messy. There are feelings.

AS FOR MASOCHIST SAM, (cue me cackling evilly). I read a line in a wincest fic a while back that said something like "Sam wanted to be spanked like a Formula One driver wants a bicycle" and that really stuck with me. The idea that Sam's life is so violent and painful and batshit insane that the stuff that gets him off is also completely insane; it has to be, in order to evoke real fear in him. As for how that works in samjohn.... Sam and John don't have that trust and mutual agreement between them that Sam and Dean have, so I imagine it's not really negotiated or explicitly stated in the same way. Maybe it's on the tail end of an argument, maybe after or during a hunt. In any case, the first time it happens, Sam's scared. He thinks he might die, or they both might die, and if they make it out of this John's gonna kill him anyway, figuratively. He's fucking petrified. But the night ends in him and John safe and together, the adrenaline still rushing through his body so intensely he can practically hear it. And Sam's hooked. He likes being held so tight he bruises and kissed while his lips are cracked and bleeding. Sam spends so much time detached from himself, going through the motions, not living the life he wants for himself, but when he's in pain and his heart is pounding, he feels like himself. He feels alive.

Would he tell John that? Yeah probably not. Especially because Sam getting off on the kind of danger that killed his wife is uh, just maybe a loaded subject.

[waynes-multiverse]

Multiverse News: Week 2

Greetings, fellow travelers! It’s your favorite hot mess speaking! 🖖

I already knew chances of me doing this weekly were slim, but I’ll be giving these Sunday updates as much as I can! Work was a little crazy the past two weeks, I already miss my vacation days, and my hopes of having an easier next week got crushed on Friday. Naturally, I didn’t have a lot of time to write and read the last two weeks, but I’ll share all the series I’m currently reading and the few WIPs I’ve worked since the last update 😊

I’ve also reached 800 followers (even after blocking a million porn bots 🤣), so THANK YOU so much for stumbling onto this blog and indulging in my little stories. I love and appreciate all of you more than you can ever imagine 😭🖤🖤🖤

I initially wanted to celebrate by opening requests, so I can thank you properly by writing some storylines you want, but since work is crazy and I’m behind on literally everything, I don’t think it’s a good idea for now. Hopefully, things will clear up soon and we can do something fun to celebrate this milestone together 🥳🥂

Currently reading 🤓

A Supernatural Journey by @eevvvaa​ Dean Winchester x OFC, Sam Winchester x OFC Author’s summary: After an unplanned event in their road trip, Emily and Eva crossed paths with two brothers. One thing leading to another, the two best friends found themselves in what seems to be a supernatural journey…

Green is My Favorite Color by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior​ Dean Winchester x OFC Author’s summary: Dean has been her hero from childhood, can she ever get him to be more?

Limelight by @talesmaniac89​ CEO!Dean Winchester x Journalist!Reader Author’s summary: The workaholic and media shy CEO of Winchester Inc, Dean Winchester, is forced to try online dating by his friends. What will happen when he swipes right on (Y/N), who is working on a series on online dating for her magazine?

Nightingale by @trektraveler​ Jensen Ackles x Reader Author’s summary: Jensen Ackles seemed to have it all. A hit television series fifteen years running, a budding music career and a stunning wife. To the casual observer, his life was perfect. But it was a façade. No more real than the supernatural world created on a soundstage. That day on the lake had started with uncertainty, but when he pulled you from the water everything became clear. The truth was, he’d been the one drowning.

That Simple by @avanatural​ Beau Arlen x Reader Author’s summary: Beau goes to Y/N, a new friend of his, for some dating advice. Is the charming new sheriff gonna get the date that he’s hoping for?

Mind Games by @avanatural​ Soldier Boy x Reader Author’s Summary: Set in 1984. It’s that time of the year – the supes are having the time of their lives at the Herogasm festival. Soldier Boy seems to have taken a special interest in Y/N, a fellow superhero.

Finished reading 💚

A Rose for the Snake by @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone​ Dean Winchester x Reader Author’s summary: Since he discovered the club, Dean’s been going at least once a week. Being a dom is something nice, it makes him feel powerful and in control. But is it really what he likes? Or is it the domme assigned to teach him the basics that tells him what to do?

Surrender Part 1 & Part 2 by @b3autyfuldisast3r​ Jensen Ackles x Reader Author’s summary: Reader is a PA on the set of Big Sky and falls in love with Jensen - who is married. Will she give in to her feelings and destroy a relationship or hide them and risk destroying herself?

Stoking the Flame by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior​ Beau Arlen x Jenny Hoyt Author’s summary: Jenny and Beau have been ignoring the spark between them for a long time. How much longer can they continue?

GO CHECK OUT ALL THESE AMAZING STORIES AND AUTHORS IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY! 🖤

Series Updates:

DBM: Currently reworking chapter 2. It was too funny and casual. Dean needs to be more broken and devastated. I’m going for that full heartbreak here. Tears, sobs – you shouldn’t be able to function when I’m done with this chapter. You’re welcome.

PH: Finished part 19 and realized it’s the longest of the series yet. Currently, it’s at 5.8k. I already tried to think of scenes to cut and while there are some I could live without plotwise, they’re hilarious and I don’t want to erase those laughs. So, should I split it into two parts instead or can we live with this? Let me know! I’m also halfway through part 20. It’s intense and pretty much follows an episode of the show, which I always found important, so I didn’t want to change too much about it, not even the dialogue. I hope I’m doing it justice in the end ☺️

⚠️ PS: In case you missed it, Part 11 posted yesterday and Parts 12-16 follow this week! Get ready! It’s a pretty wild batch! 🤪

Upcoming One-Shots:

Labyrinth: Started writing it this week for a request (the Wendigo hunt). Currently 1.7k words in. The beginning is a bit creepy because Wendigos were always the monsters that freaked me out the most (because they remind me of the horror movie The Descent and that one always scares me to death.) But Dean’s close to saving her and then there’s all the fluff you could possibly get 🥰

Mercilessly: Giving it the finishing touches. Was initially planning to post it on Dean’s bday, but my work schedule won’t allow me to finish it in time. My muse is also in a fluff mood apparently and not up for evil scheming. I’m as surprised as you are, guys...

[incarnateirony]

So, am I right to assume, at least somewhat, (I plan to watch it again today but only had chance for once last night) that while these events ARE happening DID happen, the way we're seeing it play out is almost like the party game telephone. It happened, someone/something told the narrator, and the narrator is projecting shit onto the events because he's being stubborn/lost/(scared?) to find who he needs?

Close enough yeah. Um. Dean is/was the unreliable narrator, discovering who Roxxy really is, is hugely attached to him

enjoy this cursed half-draft with unmanaged transitions. Sound on. And realize the "nonsense videos" I was posting all year were just. leaky roxxy lulz. Almost like you could read my leaks clearly if you cared about the Context, rather than forcing it to mean what you want to believe it means. Almost like the entire theme of my blog the last year. weird.

**no I still haven't added 15.18 yet or smoothed all the transitions but um. Yeah. This is literally the plot sorry antis sucks to be you.

The first act introduces the main character, René Gallimard, a civil servant attached to the French embassy in China. In a prison, Gallimard is serving a sentence for treason. Through a series of flashbacks and imagined conversations, Gallimard tells an audience his story about a woman that he loved and lost. He falls in love with a beautiful Chinese opera singer, Song Liling. Gallimard is unaware that all female roles in traditional Beijing opera were actually played by men, as women were banned from the stage. The first act ends with Gallimard returning to France in shame and living alone after his wife, Helga, finds out about his affair with Song and divorces him.

In act two it is revealed that Song had been acting as a spy for the Chinese government, and she is actually a man who has disguised himself as a woman to seduce Gallimard and extract information from him. They stay together for 20 years and married until the truth is revealed, and Gallimard is convicted of treason and imprisoned. Unable to face the fact that his "perfect woman" is a man, he retreats deep within himself and his memories. The action of the play is depicted as his disordered, distorted recollection of the events surrounding their affair.

In act three, Song reveals himself to the audience as a man, without makeup and dressed in men's clothing. Gallimard claims he only loved the idea of Butterfly, never Song himself. Gallimard throws Song and his clothing off the stage, but holds onto Butterfly's kimono. In scene three, the setting returns to Gallimard's prison cell, as he puts on makeup and Butterfly's wig and kimono. Then he stabs himself, committing suicide just as Butterfly does in the opera.

[victorluvsalice]

AU Thursday: Valicer In The Dark (the Blades In The Dark AU)

Yes, finally, actually doing a PROPER POST on this AU that I’ve mentioned in passing a couple of times! How it came about is like this:

1. I’m a fan of Outside XBox, Outside Xtra, and their DnD stuff, Oxventure

2. While perusing the Funny Moments section of Oxventure on TV Tropes one day last year, I found that they had a side series where they play “Blades In The Dark” (where you and your friends play a daring criminal gang in a world that used to be a fun fantasy setting, but then the apocalypse happened, the sun exploded, most of the continents got sunk/flooded, the seas are now like liquid space full of whale-demons, there are ghosts everywhere because something happened to the afterlife, and they hunt the whale demons because you can make electricity out of their blood).

3. Intrigued, I read the TV Tropes page on BitD, then went over to the official website, and eventually got so into it I ordered a PDF of the book so I could get to know the setting and the mechanics properly and do what I always do in these situations -- stat up Victor and Alice, and in this case Smiler (as I was getting into that around the same time as the Valicer stuff took off in my brain)!

And yeah, this has been a little side project I’ve poked at from time to time ever since! It’s a fun little AU, and I’ve been enjoying adapting the trio to the setting of the RPG. Here’s the basics of what I’ve come up with so far:

Alice was the daughter of Dean Arthur Liddell of the prestigious Doskvol Academy (located in Whitecrown, THE fancy bit of Duskwall, the central city of the setting -- the Lord Governor lives there, away from the riffraff) and his wife Lorina, and the younger sister of Lizzie. The family had a happy life living in Brightstone (the next-fanciest district) -- up until one Angus Bumby entered Doskvol Academy and became obsessed with Lizzie. When she rebuffed his advances, he broke into the house, had his way with her, and set the place on fire to both cover his crime and try to destroy the bodies so they couldn’t let out ghosts. Alice was the sole survivor, and after a year in hospital spent convalescing from her burns, got sent to Rutledge Asylum, here situated right next to Duskwall’s freaking PRISON. This Alice is probably the only one who had a WORSE time in there than in canon, as psychiatry is basically an unknown art in Duskwall, and I imagine a lot of lunatics are just locked up to rot or have their souls ripped out so they can become slave labor -- a fate Alice avoided solely due to being a minor. She still had her Wonderland in this world, though, and was able to use it to lever herself out of her catatonia and eventually deal with her grief enough to join the waking world. . .and promptly ended up sent to the Hounsditch Home in Charhollow (one of the “poor but honest” districts), where she was to help the owner, Dr. Bumby, as general dogsbody. As per A:MR, after about a year here, Wonderland kicked her in the pants and helped her realize Bumby was the one that killed her family -- but unlike canon, by the time of the main action of the AU, she has NOT pushed him onto any train tracks. Mostly because that would likely result in him leaving a ghost, and a spectral Bumby is the LAST thing she wants to deal with. Her playbook is the Cutter, the fighters and heavy hitters, and she starts with the Not To Be Trifled With special ability, which allows her to push herself to perform superhuman feats of strength and fighting prowess (including taking up to six people at once!).

Victor is the son of William and Nell Van Dort, fish merchants living in Nightmarket (one of the main shopping districts, and where the “new money” tends to live). William invented canned fish when Victor was young, which the public pounced on, and his canneries easily made the Van Dorts the wealthiest family in Nightmarket. Nell wanted to eventually make the transition to Brightstone, though, and thus when Victor came of age, she started trying to arrange a marriage with one of the noble families living there. She got lucky shortly before the beginning of the AU, as the Everglots (an old noble family whose fortunes were on the downswing -- noble families control the ships that hunt the whale-demon “leviathans” in this world, and their ship was coming back dry more often than not, meaning their power, prestige, and most importantly coin was running out) consented to let Victor marry their daughter Victoria in exchange for some of that sweet sweet Van Dort fortune. As per canon, Victor and Victoria met right before the wedding rehearsal, and while they liked each other, it wasn’t enough to calm Victor’s nerves. Three hours of failed practice, one dropped ring, and one burn on Maudeline Everglot’s dress from a forgotten candle later, and Victor was banished into the streets to learn his lines. He wandered around for a while, trying to get them straight in his head, and eventually got them right down an old forgotten alley. . .only for the wandering ghost of a bride, Emily, to hear them and think they were meant for her. Victor was promptly dragged into the “ghost field,” the spectral echo of the city where ghosts live, and held captive by Emily (whom he did feel sorry for, but ghosts are bad news in Duskwall -- they tend to lose their minds quickly due to not being able to pass on, and Emily was showing a few signs of “going feral,” as it were). The main AU is actually kicked off by him finally escaping her and finding his way back to the material plane by falling out of a wall in front of Alice and Smiler. . . His playbook is the Whisper, the arcane and magical ones, and he starts with the Ghost Sense special ability, which allows him to sense the presence of all supernatural things in his area and have an easier time getting information on them.

Smiler was the “son” of one Dr. Kellard Kelman, owner of The Sanctuary, a refuge for people who have “lost their smile” -- in actuality, a horrible hellhole of a “mental hospital” where Dr. Kelman conducted experiments on the patients and threw failures in the basement. Smiler and their father clashed about a lot of things (including Kelman’s brutal methods for ensuring “social compliance” and his refusal to accept Smiler as nonbinary), and eventually Smiler just ran away at about twelve years old, rather than be a part of Kelman’s nonsense any further. They ended up in Silkshore (the “red light” district), where they encountered Carol and Matthew Alton, members of the Advocates cult, who worship Mar-Mal, the Unending Smile. Matt and Carol took in the young Smiler and told them what the cult was all about (basically, maximizing happiness however possible, from genuine kind acts to straight-up selling drugs and hypnotizing people) -- Smiler thought it all sounded better than Kelman’s deal and joined up, changing their name from Marmaduke Kelman to Smiler Alton. They proved to be a very eager little cultist, developing a knack for hypnosis and -- as they got older -- a talent with chemical concoctions, eventually making a drug that induced a heavy state of bliss that they called Joy Serum. The invention of this drug caused Mar-Mal to mark them with its favor, turning their previously green eyes a glowing yellow (Matt and Carol were so proud!). At the start of the main AU, they spend most of their time brewing up and selling Joy Serum in Silkshore -- not far from The Mangled Mermaid where Alice’s old nanny now plies her trade as a prostitute, meaning Smiler and Alice are at least somewhat acquainted just from her visits to see Nan there. Their playbook is -- well, it’s mostly the Leech, the tinkerers and chemists, but they also share some stuff with the Slide playbook, the smooth-talkers and manipulators. They start with the Alchemist special ability, which gives them bonuses to any alchemical concoctions they craft and a free recipe (like their Joy Serum).

How they meet -- Well, as indicated, Smiler and Alice were already acquainted from Alice’s trips to see Nan in Silkshore, with Smiler being a friendly presence who’d helped Alice out a couple of times in the past (spotting her money for meals and suchlike). As a result, when Alice fled the Houndsditch Home looking for help with her Bumby problem (either a way to bring evidence to the Inspectors, the only members of the police force known to be incorruptible, or at least not subject to bribes, or a way to kill him and make sure he didn’t come back as a ghost), her first instinct was to go to Nanny, and along the way she encountered Smiler. Her attempt to tell them what was going on was interrupted by Victor’s attempted escape from Emily, however, and the two ended up helping him over to the Mangled Mermaid to just get some food and water in him and help him calm down after his experience. Unfortunately, Emily managed to follow them there and got rather annoyed at finding her husband in a brothel -- fortunately, before she could do any damage, Smiler managed to talk her down (mainly by reminding her that humans gotta eat). Victor took the opportunity to finally explain to her what he’d been doing and that he was already engaged --

But when he mentioned Victoria’s name, Nanny commented that she’d heard that she’d already gotten married that day, to someone named “Lord Barkis.” And Emily recognized the “Barkis” name, as that was the name of the man who killed her. She and Victor agreed they had to go see Victoria for her own good, just in case she’d gotten married to a murderer, and Smiler and Alice chose to come along as back-up. The three took a gondola over to Brightstone (as Duskwall is part Venice as well as being part Victorian London, and is cut all over the place by canals) and crashed the Everglot-Barkis wedding reception, where Emily did indeed identify Barkis as her murderer. Barkis attempted to take Victoria hostage as the guests fled, but the group was able to free her -- Victor sending her away to get help or at least find a safe place to hide -- and Emily ended up destroying herself to possess Barkis and kill him, thanking Victor for at least helping her get revenge on her killer. The local police, the Bluecoats, finally arrived once the deed was done, and searched the corpse while the trio tried to explain what happened --

And then one of the Bluecoats found a fancy brass mask on Barkis. Marking him as one of the Spirit Wardens, the group that goes around collecting corpses and burning them in electroplasm to make sure that the city isn’t entirely overrun by ghosts. A group of people bankrolled by the Immortal Emperor himself.

Yeah, that’s not good. The Bluecoats, already not really believing the gang’s story, decided they’d murdered Barkis (or, at least Alice and Smiler had -- Victor got added to the list when he refused to just run off back home or bribe them) and were prepared to take them in, but Alice managed to hold off the entire gang with a butcher’s knife just long enough for them to start running. Through various means (like Smiler just straight-up injecting a purser with joy serum and using a homemade flash bomb, and Victor managing to accidentally lead a couple more into a very angry, very electric ghost by using his new Ghost Sense to help his new friends avoid it), the trio was able to escape into Six Towers, a previously rich neighborhood fallen to ruin and squatters in recent years. They found shelter in an abandoned building, which proved to be the old home of one Elder Gutknecht, a former Whisper who had managed to keep his senses after death and become a genuinely friendly ghost. The three began wondering what to do next, and Alice finally told Victor and Smiler the full story about Bumby. . .

And either Victor or Smiler was like, “Well, we’re already accused of murder. . .”

And so the group became a crew, with their first scores being to take care of Bumby and to get Victor’s stuff back from his family house! I picture them as a group of Shadows, spies, thieves, and saboteurs, though there’s a bit of a Hawker element because Smiler is of course still selling Joy Serum (and is working on an inhaled drug called Giggler Gas). And even though they are criminals, they’re trying to help where they can -- Victor, after figuring out how to infuse insects with ghost stuff to make glowing moths and stuff to help plants grow, wants to make a community greenhouse for people; Alice still looks after the kids at Houndsditch as best she can from afar, and is only too happy to kill other people hurting children for free; and Smiler of course does want to spread happiness, even if it’s in a bit of a bizarre way sometimes. They’re my chaos crime morally gray group and I love them. :p Hopefully I’ll be able to flesh them out even more for you in the future!

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse Rewatches SPN 05x17

99 Problems

“88 miles an hour” “What the fuck is happening?” “That’s a shit ton of holy water if they’re demons” “That was a really efficient exorcism” “They’re getting pretty good at this.” “Sam and Dean better step up their shit. Damn” “The Lutherans are scary enough as is. They don’t need a militia” “hunters don’t work together” “They could sneak along the edge. It’s not like you won’t see it either” “Oh. It’s the church-guns people” “Is Dean intimidated by this guy’s guns or what? I’d also have a wtf face too” “what the fuck” “That’s convenient” “Her dad is packing heat Dean. Chill” “OH MY GOD” “Can’t imagine the range on a sawed off shotgun being very good so idk why they’re using them but sure” “These guys are efficient as fuck dude” “Didn’t even finish his first beer” “how convenient” “zombies?” “Is he going to try to get with the preacher’s daughter or something?” “Titties and pie are on his mind” “Dean really doesn’t appreciate it when people read his mind” “yeah, I think most “warriors of god” I know are fkn hypocrites” “What the hell part of the country are they in? God damn” “Dean’s died one too many times, Sam. Can you see that?” laughed at Cas

Loudly laughing at Cas “I didn’t see that coming” “crazy ass bitch. Fkn religious people” “Cas is laughing about it. It’s funny as fuck” Laughing at Cas “oh yeah this is a real one” “He’s got a slut truck” 🎶drink all the koolaid at once🎶

“He’s gotta hesitate every fkn time” “Wouldn’t that have lit off all the kerosene though? Just saying? Then you’ve got the dried Cyprus stick too”

“Have fun explaining to the whole world that you’re daughter was the Whore of Babylon, and you had to have Dean Winchester kill her” “Where’s he going now? Is he off whorin’ somewhere?” “isn’t her ass married?” “I’m motherfkn Dean Winchester. I can do what I want” “She could have been a neat member of the team. He could have had a bunker wife” “then they could have had adventures with Ben episodes”