#imagine being at the commentary table when wrestlers do this

[d-lanx]

[rawiswhore]

Various WWF Wrestlers x Fem Reader- "Back That Ass Up"

The 1990's...a time when most rock bands and singers didn't sexually objectify women in their songs and music videos.

A time when popular female singers, from female singer-songwriters to lead singers of bands to R&B singers, barely ever showed their bodies off and used sex to sell themselves.

A time when it seemed like women who defined the decade were sarcastic, deadpan, nonsexualized alt girls like Janeane Garofalo, Juliana Hatfield and Daria from the titular MTV cartoon.

A time where you had riot grrrl bands like Bikini Kill angrily protesting rape and sexual assault.

A time when Gwen Stefani, who was then known for being the lead singer of a band, stating how she's "had it up to here" with sexism while she points to her forehead.

A time when Sonic Youth's Kim Gordon asked "Are you gonna liberate us girls with your male white corporate oppression?" and Queen Latifah making diss tracks towards misogynistic men.

But then...as the 1990's come to a close, just when you thought professional wrestling had dwindled in popularity when so many of their top stars during the 1980's left the World Wrestling Federation, pro wrestling made a comeback in 1996 and 1997 due to Hulk Hogan turning heel and a wrestling company known as WCW was beating the WWF (World Wrestling Federation, not World Wildlife Fund) in the ratings.

What was the WWF to do?

Instead of having a kid friendly product that seemed like a live action Saturday morning cartoon and had their faces of the company not using profanity or adult-like things despite having lots of charisma and being fan favorites with the audience, the WWF by the end of the 1990's became edgier, more violent, sexualized, shocking, trashier, vulgar and "adult like" than ever before.

You could say that the WWF was growing up with their audience who were kids watching the WWF when Hulk Hogan, Macho Man and even Bret Hart and Razor Ramon were the faces of the company that were now transitioning into teenagers who love sexualized women, middle fingers, sexual innuendo, violence and profanity.

Speaking of sexualized women, during the 1990's, when you had hardly any sexualized female recording artists save for a few and rock bands who barely sexually objectified women, by the end of the decade, the World Wrestling Federation would have their women's roster, be it from valets like Debra and Terri Runnels to legitimate wrestlers like Ivory and Jacqueline, participate in bikini contests where they'd be judged for their beauty and dressed in bikinis that left nothing to the imagination, and worse, the women's roster would participate in the infamous "bra & panties" and evening gown matches where women would tear each others clothes and dresses off in the ring until they were down to a bra and thong, or they'd wrestle in bikinis in pools of mud or pudding.

To add insult to injury, this was considered "women's wrestling" by the late 90's and some women would end up winning the World Championship belt for participating in matches involving them tearing their clothes off or "wrestling" in bikinis in pools of pudding or mud.

Plus, the World Wrestling Federation during the late 90's was also a time when you had wrestlers playing pimps that would have groups of prostitutes following them and men who would have half naked women cuddled with them.

And worse of all...some wrestlers played characters that would degrade women, from the Rock telling Chyna she "belongs on her knees", Jeff Jarrett being a misogynistic asshole who thinks men are better than women, some racially insensitive Asian men degrading his wife and someone drugging a woman and marrying her through a drive through wedding whilst unconscious.

After a time where you had feminist-esque female recording artists that almost never used sex to sell themselves, wrote their own music and played their own instruments who performed at those Lilith Fair concert tours (tours that featured all female recording artists), male rock bands and singers who didn't sexually objectify women, the NBA launching the Women's NBA playing legit basketball like men and not dressed in skimpy outfits, and the list goes on for days, the World Wrestling Federation now had most of their female roster participate in bikini contests where they were judged for their beauty and women were mostly there to be portrayed as sex objects and nothing else.

It was like this was a backlash towards Lilith Fair and nonsexualized, feminist female singer-songwriters, rock bands that didn't objectify women, and nonsexualized women in the 1990's in general.

Then again, the WWF's Attitude era as it was known as was a product of its time, popular around the same time other trashy pop culture like the Jerry Springer show, Jenny Jones and Ricki Lake's talk shows, Howard Stern, "South Park", Tom Green, Eminem at his most shocking and Marilyn Manson was at the height of his popularity.

Granted, the 1990's weren't completely wholesome, considering this was also the era of gangsta rap that sexually objectified and sometimes even degraded women, "Baywatch" was a popular show that was just an excuse to see beautiful women with silicone breast implants running on the beach in slow motion in tight red swimsuits, Playboy playmates like Pamela Anderson, Jenny McCarthy, and Anna Nicole Smith were popular sex symbols, Howard Stern was a pop culture icon infamous for sexually objectifying women, and there were even some female singers who used sex to sell themselves during the 90's like Madonna, Janet Jackson, Salt N Pepa, TLC, Adina Howard and more, and by the end of the decade we had the Spice Girls, Lil' Kim, Foxy Brown, Mariah Carey becoming more sexualized, Britney Spears, and Jennifer Lopez getting a record deal.

However, for every oversexualized Adina Howard, there was a Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston. For every oversexed Madonna, there was a Tori Amos. For every band that objectified women, there was a band that didn't objectify women.

Speaking of sexualization, you were one of the many bricks in the wall of the oversexualized women's roster during the WWF's Attitude era.

Not only did you participate in a few of those bikini contests, bra & panties and evening gown matches as well as those mud/pudding/gravy matches where you and another woman wrestled in a bikini, but your character you will always be remembered for playing was a scantily clad, nymphomaniac-like slut who was basically the wrestling equivalent to Madonna during her early 90's sex era and a female Val Venis.

From seducing wrestlers while you wore outfits that left little to the imagination, entering the ring wearing nothing but wrestling belts covering your bathing suit areas, cutting wrestling promos while being gangbanged (though your private parts weren't shown on television), rubbing cum on your body like it's lotion (though it wasn't really cum), wearing outfits that exposed your uncovered breasts not even being covered by pasties, wearing shirts that read "Pervert 69" on the back (parodying Janet Jackson's "Pervert" shirt she wore at the 1995 MTV VMA's), and Ministry Undertaker sacrificing you for being a whore, to roleplaying as a urinal while wrestlers jerk off in your mouth or on your face, becoming one of the Godfather's hoes (and you don't mean "The Godfather" as in the Francis Ford Coppola masterpiece), Triple H and Shawn Michaels undressing you until you lay in the ring wearing nothing but a thong and they pulled a bottle of lotion out and squeezed it to simulate ejaculation, and to top it all off, having actual sex in the ring with Val Venis while over 1000 people watched this in the audience and it was broadcast on television.

The WWF was nearly rated TV-MA almost because of you, and was getting boycotts and protests partially because of you.

However, despite many shocking moments that made headline news and caused controversy and nearly got you arrested for obscenity charges, this particular moment was slightly tame in comparison.

Almost near the end of 1998, during one of those "up next" vignettes that had the guitar riff to Slam Jam's "We're All Together Now" playing, you were on all fours on your knees on top of a bench in the locker room.

While you were on all fours on top of this bench, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Billy Gunn, Val Venis, Christian, Test, Jeff Hardy, Steven Regal and Kane were circled around you, standing on your sides.

Triple H had his long blond hair hanging down, not with a ponytail in the back, Shawn Michaels didn't have his hair tied back in a ponytail, and Billy had his hair hanging down, not tied back in a ponytail or in little braids.

You were wearing nothing but a bra and thong and being filmed from behind, and as you were being filmed, you rolled your ass backward and arched it up a few times.

Your thong was buried and snug in between your ass cheeks, your pantyline covering your vulva.

Thankfully, you were shaved down there, not a single bit of pubic hair peeking out from your panty line or your panties, and you didn't have any bumps on your bikini line and thighs.

These aforementioned wrestlers around you were just staring at your ass rolling back, they all smiled from ear to ear, nearly salivating at your mouths.

These wrestlers surrounding you were cheering for you, Shawn even put his fingers into his mouth and wolf whistled at you.

Jerry Lawler sitting at the commentary table was going nuts, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head.

Grown men and underage boys in the audience are getting a massive kick over seeing you roll your ass to the camera, cheering for you and a few of them wolf whistling at you.

Triple H put his hand in one of his jean pockets and pulled out a dollar, where he slipped that dollar in between one of your thong straps.

Shawn, too, put his hand down the pocket of his slacks, where he pulled out a few dollar bills and his other hand stretched out one of your thong straps, putting that money at your hip, only to let go of your thong strap afterward, letting your thong hold that money.

Val and Billy really wish they could have some money to pull out and make it rain on you, though Billy wears those Mr. Ass shorts and Val is known for wearing a Speedo and a towel over it, neither of their outfits have pockets.

"Is that money!?" Jim Ross asked at the commentary table.

"Somebody better get her a pole!" Jerry Lawler exclaimed, his voice shrill as usual.

Indeed, you could use a stripper pole for this moment, but there sadly aren't any poles in the locker room.

You pulled yourself up from the bench, placing your feet on the bench and standing up on top of the bench, but after you got yourself up, you still continued dancing and shaking your ass.

Somebody come get her, she's dancin' like a stripper...

Some of these wrestlers surrounding you pretended to be shocked by when you assembled yourself up from the bench, their eyes bugging out and their mouths dropping open as well as walking a few steps back as if to act like they're shocked, only for them to smile after their mouths were agape.

Once you stood on top of the bench, you placed your hands on your knees and stuck your ass out, rolling your ass backwards and sometimes even shaking and bouncing your ass, basically twerking.

You smiled and your head was slightly turned looking at your rear whilst you rolled your ass backwards, hands on your knees, shakin' ass on your thot shit.

Triple H, Billy, Shawn, and Val were looking at you, smiling from ear to ear, especially Billy Gunn who placed one of his hands on your ass cheeks and squeezed it.

Hey, his nickname is Mr. Ass, that's why he did that.

You turned your body around and gyrated your ass and hips around in a circle, rolling your hips to the beat of the guitar riff of that Slam Jam song, and as you did that, you lifted your hands off of your knees and grabbed one of your bra straps, where you slid that bra strap down on of your arms, teasing the audience.

You looked at the camera filming in front of you with this "come hither" expression on your face.

Just as it looked like you were gonna take your bra off, the camera then cut to commercial.

Bah.

You wanted to do so much during this moment; besides spin around a stripper pole, you also wanted lie on your back on the bench with your legs spread up and shaking your ass, squat down on the bench and spread your legs out with your hands on your knees, but this moment was short.

Y'know, since you were roleplaying as a stripper and some wrestlers were pulling money out and sticking it in your G-string, you're surprised Vince McMahon, the CEO and boss of the WWF and pretty much the Ted Debiase Sr. of the Attitude era (and Ted DeBiase Sr. was known for playing a millionaire in the 80's and early 90's) wasn't in this segment pulling dollar bills out on you.

Though, Vince McMahon is a snake, even when the cameras aren't rolling.

[omegatheunknown]

AEW Double or Nothing 2021

In which the spirit of WCW is alive in confusing and delightful ways and we are left to parse whether overbooking and extracurriculars are offset by having actually very good wrestling happening at the same time.

- Lessons learned from Revolution on the production side? Maybe just cool it on pyro, though the rappelling adventure in the Stadium Stampede showed some of that now-characteristic 'trust us it'll look better on TV' flair. Hot crowd tends to paper over most woes, and the crowd was pretty hot. My one gripe is that the casino theme is hanging around like yesterday's takeout containers. Nothing wrong with clinging to a theme, I just think it's time for season 2. My suggestion? Under the Sea.

*Pre-Card Serena Deeb (C) v Riho for the NWA Women's Championship (***1/2) - Serena Deeb's star has finally risen. She's a remarkably consistent technician and she can get a match out of anyone at this point. She's working at the level of Mercedes Martinez or Madison Eagles at this point, it's amazing that she was overlooked or considered fit only to be a coach for so long. With the NWA belt she has this new swagger, she's basically everything Tessa Blanchard might bring to the table with none of the downsides (Serena has a lot of friends and seems like a lovely person, even!) - Riho's back and here to stay. Her time in Stardom didn't do much for my evaluation of her, which is that there are many better wrestlers that would be better representatives of the joshi style and she's merely pretty good. - The match was very good. Serena showcased a champion's aggression against a sympathetic Riho, they really work well against each other, Deeb's technical prowess against Riho's flexibility led to a very dynamic finish.

*Main Card Hangman Adam Page v Brian Cage (***1/2) - Here the shenanigans start. Brian Cage is on Team Taz, Team Taz has nothing else much to do tonight, so why wouldn't Team Taz flex their muscles, bait us with HOOK, etc? (Because it would be nice to have some variety in the card in terms of a match where one competitor stands across from another competitor?) - Hangman is (checking notes) yeah, still over as fuck, as befits the Anxious Millennial Cowboy. Cage terrifies me, he's a child's drawing of a body builder. He do be very agile for a man of his immense musculature tho. They match up well, Page is biggish for a flyer, Cage loves to play catch. Nothing much to write home about, other than Hangman's beautiful moonsault to the floor and what was overall a very good curtain jerker. - Okay fine, I am curious about Cage's reluctance to lean on the goons, Starks can't come back soon enough.

The Young Bucks v Jon Moxley & Eddie Kingston (***) - I will not be referring to Mox & Eddie as (The) Wild Things because it gives me 'he calls it the wacky line' flashbacks for some reason. - The Bucks have to cheat and abuse Rick Knox's attention span constantly to be on even footing with Mox & Eddie, which is a clever sort of thing that gets washed out by the appearance of LG and Karl Anderson, which again, is cool in a vacuum but was the story of the evening. - Pace was weird - repetitive in eliminating Eddie, then Mox fights back, failed hope spot, Bucks team up, Eddie saves x2/3 in a row. - Mox, unlike Cody (in so many ways,) will probably actually be taking some time off with Renee, which is the kind of thing I would prefer not to know in terms of booking, but they really uh, put him down on the canvas here, and it felt pretty finale-esque.

Casino Battle Royale (n/r, but on the balance pro) - Any changes to the theme of the PPV would likely include changing up the nonsense suit format of these largely joyless slogs. - Obviously anticipating a NJPW talent, or... I dunno, actually -- Lio Rush was a surprise. Got in a quick demonstration of his otherworldly quickness, and you know what, there's probably a fun place for him in AEW. He'll need some friends, of course, feel like Team Taz might fit his temperament. I wonder if he was aware of the Mark Henry news... - Christian does not need to win this kind of match to get a title shot, obviously, but that said it was super lovely to use him to give Jungle Boy the shine. Jungle Boy would be a license to print money if he was even as big as Hangman. - Could register some continued griping about how Penta is not getting his due in AEW but he also literally was dressed as the Joker so I'm low on sympathy on this one particular night.

Anthony Ogogo v Cody Rhodes (*) - I did not like this. It's hard for me to read jingoism as a face move to begin with, and Cody's was egregiously tone deaf and kinda silly yet delivered without a trace of irony because Cody doesn't do irony on purpose, ridiculous neck tattoo aside. - Great argument to be made that Ogogo just isn't experienced enough to be winning matches against Cody. But like, what are we doing here? Cody needs to take some time off, maybe. I thought that's what was happening when he had his mini feud with Penta that really just ended in quick decisive Cody win. I though maybe Cody was being turned when QT and The Factory snapped-- sure, they're a group of impotent player 2s, but Cody is an out of touch elitist with a callous and manipulative streak. Alas, also no. America #1. - Cody is approximately 8 times as tough as Billy Gunn based on his weathering of the one punch man. Match ran a bit long given how little there was to go on. Cody gigged? Quelle surprise. - Cody had the best match on the card like, 3 out of the first 4 AEW events or something, and that was all booking and storytelling. I do hope Cody follows Moxley's lead into a little sabbatical.

Miro (C) v Lance Archer for the TNT Championship (**1/2) - Card's hossiest hoss match, a quick burst reminiscent of a car wreck. Absolutely hit on what it should've hit on but a little slow moving considering it went all of 10 minutes. - I will not complain about Jake the Snake, who I love. And also the gimmick spot, with Miro very astutely yeeting what was definitely a snake in a bag (surely.) back down the tunnel.

Dr Britt Baker, DMD v Hikaru Shida (C) for the AEW Women's Championship (***) - Picked up a lot of steam toward the end but seemed a little toothless (heh) until the last five. - Shida 'deserved' some more time as champion in front of crowds but also it's time to let heel Britt reach her peak, I can't even imagine how obnoxious she can be as the champ, it's going to be great.

Sting & Darby Allin v Ethan Page & Scorpio Sky (***1/2) - Such is the power of STING that I feel like I might be underrating this match... I mean it was an okay match about very simply getting some revenge and the sixty year old man did a very subdued Code Red and a slightly less subdued dive. He's also Sting. They missed an opportunity in calling it the 'Scorpio' Death Drop, but the main takeaway here is you see something like this where it's The Icon and you start to understand why WWE trots out their legends to come out of incredibly still kick ass without bending their knees. - The difference, I guess, is that Sting is absolutely being used to build up Darby Allin, whereas it's not like the fed brought back Goldberg and his attendant aura to pump up... anyone but Goldberg?

Kenny Omega (C) v PAC v Orange Cassidy for the AEW World Championship (****) - Off the top I have to say I'm very sad that the rest of the Galaxy's Greatest Friends were seen only very briefly, nice of them to bring OC's backpack. - Also have to point out that PAC's promo featured one of my favourite jokes, that Kenny must be short for Kenneth as a sort of legal/birth name belonging to a professional wrestler. (See also: Samoa Joseph) - And Mr Cassidy certainly did try in this match, ragdoll sells and all. Kenneth and PAC are absurd talents who bring aerial, power and technical maneuvers in equal measure and OC is not doing any of those on the same level, but he picked his spots, showed his genre savvy and hung in there to the point that he wasn't just the fall guy. - The extracurriculars continue in a match that was already a little overboard for silliness due to asymmetry... I think if you're the Invisible Hand it would've made sense to save up all your tricks for this match, but who am I to question the golden goose? - Sure, Kenny and Don ran the classic heel manager interference spot and taking out the ref in desperation spot but having to take out the ref because PAC wouldn't break the hold is fun, as is the stupid/inspired sense in running the 'smash opponent with the belt' spot four times so as none of your heavy gold prizes feel left out. (I love that AAA Mega Championship, they weren't on TV so we get to see it?) - "Fuck You, Don," indeed.

The Inner Circle v The Pinnacle in 'Stadium Stampede II' (***1/2) - This one had to grow on me for two reasons, first that it's usually pretty unforgivable to co-opt the main event spot from the championship match, and second to law of diminishing returns on dumb gimmick matches. - But grow it did. There's a full on meat locker? Commentary will refer to a cardboard cut-out of Shahid Khan as Tony Khan's father (that's canon now,) and Jericho will lovingly pat it? Konnan happened to be the DJ at whatever night club there is a Jaguar Stadium? Spears surrounds himself dramatically with chairs and his hoisted by his own petard? - Ultimately it comes down to letting Sammy shine. His involvement with the Inner Circle has sometimes come at the cost of being able to showcase that prior to AEW he was an ascendant talent in PWG, on his way to Ricochet level feats of acrobatic excess. Still feel like Sammy could've/should've been the one tossed off the cage a few weeks ago, but even better is being the guy getting the pin in the ring.

[stonecoldbex]

I’m sorry but when I re watched the Alexa/ sasha match I find it funny how becky is on commentary and like putting on tape on her wrists when Alexa is being kicked. Then later on Becky says to Sasha you made it personal. This is some type of potential fanfiction 🤣🤣

bruh you’re right and here’s why

\

Becky just had about enough of this. She squatted upon landing on her feet from off the table, slowly but surely making her way down the ramp, as though a stalker coming out to catch its prey. Her eyes locked upon the other girl’s face, the one that would even dare to lay a finger on the person she cared about the most. She cracked her wrapped knuckles.

For weeks now, she herself could take beating after beating. But now, seeing someone else take the brunt of it? That was it.

She glanced only briefly at the blonde on the outside. She leaned against the apron, but she was holding her hurt leg, the same one that Bayley had hurt a couple of weeks ago. Becky cursed to herself. She would have to channel that worry into something more vicious.

Because now? This was personal.

//

“I told you, I’m fine,” The blonde said through gritted teeth.

Becky, despite Alexa’s hand shooing her away, was busy wrapping her ankle. Purple and bruised underneath her knee pads, one wouldn’t have guessed that she was even hurt in the first place. But it was well known for the wrestlers in the locker room to mask whatever sort of injury came their way. Not because they wanted to, but because they needed to.

Especially when you were a champion, nonetheless.

Being one-half of the Women’s Tag Team Championship took just as much dedication as it did for Becky Lynch being Raw Women’s Champion. Despite what anybody said.

“You’re being stubborn.“

“Says the stubborn one.“

Becky shook her head, and ripped off the remaining gaze from its roll. 

“Seriously. It’s nothing.“

“You can quit pretending to play it cool. It doesn’t suit you, Bliss.”

Alexa rolled her eyes, refusing to say anything.

The redhead sighed, realizing this was going to trigger an argument anyway. “Look. As much as I tend to escalate things with just about everyone in the division. I just think that you need to take it easy. That’s all.”

“I’m not a mannequin doll. I’m not gonna break easily.”

“That isn’t the point, Lexi. You’re not 100%. You haven’t been since...”

“Since what?“

She looked away. It was fruitless to try and get her to see reason. But that was only one of many traits they had in common. And for some reason, being face-to-face with the mirror in front of her must have been grating for her as it was for Lexi in all of their time together. 

What goes around does indeed come around, after all. Becky couldn’t help but frown at the reversal of their roles now. It wasn’t right. It didn’t need to be this way.

“I can take care of myself, Becky--“

“Stop,“ Becky brought her hand up. This was tough to articulate, and of course it didn’t make sense. After all, how many times was Alexa in her position? Whenever she had gotten hurt before WrestleMania? Whenever she took a Women’s Right into the face by Lacey Evans? Whenever Sasha Banks took liberties at whacking her over and over again with a steel chair, just like Bayley would do one week later? It was ceaseless beatings to her, it seemed. It even rivaled what the 24/7 Champion had to deal with constantly, whoever it was at this very moment.

She should have understood exactly why Alexa was acting the way she was, denying her injury, denying Becky’s help, ignoring her pleas. It was frustrating. It was stupid. It was...

“...unlike you, Becky. You’re not telling me something.“

The redhead stared wordlessly at her. How could she possibly even begin?

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“That’s all?”

Becky was silent. The potential ramifications of what she was about to say next felt too great to bear.

“Lexi, I--”

“Alexa?” She heard a Scottish accent through the door in the room they were in.

The blonde blinked at the knock of the door. “Come in.”

Her usually-chaotic tag partner meekly poked her head out of the door frame. She waved at Becky. The redhead nodded at her, her hand moving away from Alexa’s warm one. The heat was getting to her, and Becky had distinctly realized the blood rushing to her face and to her ears. Her heartbeat was just beginning to slow its gallop, feeling as though it had just run a marathon. She would have been worried if she was in any other situation.

But with Alexa, this had become all too familiar, and she couldn’t admit it even if it took a thousand Dis-Arm-Hers and Bexploders in her arsenal.

“Alexa, they’re calling us in for an interview. Are you okay?“ Nikki noted the gauze in Becky’s hand.

“Yeah,“ the blonde said. “We were just finishing up. What’s the interview?”

“I think Sasha and Bayley just made a challenge for the titles. They want our thoughts on it.“

Alexa glanced down at the ground, and Becky had seen something in her blue eyes that she hadn’t before. Was it exhaustion? Or was it worry? The redhead couldn’t be sure. But that had very briefly shone itself before dispersing like deeply woven confessions of the heart. Alexa looked up again, a determination set heavily by her side now. 

It was different from the person Becky used to know. A cowardly cheater who often strategized her way to a victory. It was different from what everyone thought the blonde was. Or so they thought.

Perhaps there was something else to Alexa’s stubbornness as of late. A chance to prove herself, even if it took her everything.

Alexa pulled on her knee pad, making up her mind long ago. “Let’s go. I’m ready.”

Alexa wrapped her tag belt around her waist, adjusting it until it felt just right. She stood up slowly, careful not to put too much weight on the wrong leg. Despite it all, it was true. Alexa was ready, ready for whatever was to come.

But even after leaving Becky by herself with her thoughts, there was one thing Becky was almost certain of, and that was the fact that she had gone through everything and anything imaginable in her path.

But for some reason, she wasn’t ready for this. 

She wasn’t ready to tell Alexa that she loved her.

\

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 11/16 NXT 11/18 NXT UK 11/19 Smackdown 11/20 Survivor Series 11/22

Raw:

Appreciate Lana providing logic to the creation of this match.

“Is this a Disney movie” lmao.

Honestly Shayna works better as a henchman than as a final boss.

Love Lana’s theme btw.

rip Mandy.

Ugly kick by Asuka. Not a compliment.

hahaha Lana tagged herself into the match while Shayna had Asuka in the clutch. hahahahah.

“You suck, get out” rofl.

Asuka you’re trash for not saving Lana. Truly.

“I’m actually really proud of you, you showed a lot of courage tonight.” Nia is funny. A bitch and a bully, sure, but funny.

There’s number 9. rip.

First of all, Dana’s shaky interview was going really well, and I wish they had let her finish it cuz god knows she needs the practice.

Second, WHY IS MIA YIM ATTACKING DANA OF ALL PEOPLE?

I’m not sorry, I shamelessly love Bray and Alexa together, goodbye.

“Your word is... jackass” lmaooo why is he even doing a spelling bee to prep for this match.

rip Rambling Rabbit for the 38th time.

What makes him being killed so damn demented is not only the way he exhibits agony and suffering as he dies, but the way they STAND BY LAUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY. This is the definition of sociopathy.

“Bullseye!” “More like... Rabbit’s heart!” *continues laughing hysterically* jfc.

Really love how Alexa puts her hand beneath her chin and then waves. That goes along with her characteristics developed since the fairy gimmick in nxt back in 2014/2015, to the cosplaying mean girl in 2016/2017/2018, to the babyface in 2019/2020. Also adds another layer with her gloves. Love that.

Nikki’s wandering around looking for Alexa, when clearly she should be looking for the Firefly Funhouse. I suggest asking Seth or Randy.

“Friends never give up on each other,” they also don’t give each other ultimatums cuz that’s toxic af, but okay.

She keeps running her mouth about Fiend and I can already see Alexa demolishing her for it.

LOVE the cohesion in going from one segment to the other as Sarah runs around looking for an interview. Fitting since that’s obviously her job, but it went together smoothly. They really come off as tmz lol.

I appreciate how Miz doesn’t want to fuck with Bray cuz he knows Bray will just torment his family lol. I also appreciate his reasoning because he’s a true opportunist. he doesn’t want to exhaust himself with this match cuz he might cash in later.

Love Alexa’s remixed theme, it’s jarring af. Walking red flag btw.

Oh nooo Nikki what are you doinggg.

I’m not a fan of how Nikki sold this interaction. Didn’t feel natural at all.

OH SHIT the sound of that slap, oof.

Oh my god I love how Bray came out and glared at Nikki. FANTASTIC. Absolute gold. Then he just smiles at Alexa as she takes his arm to escort him to the ring.

And the way the camera focuses back on Miz and Morrison... Miz’s face... I can’t, this is tremendous tbh. What a great story to run throughout this week’s Raw.

lmfao the way Alexa stuck her head between the ropes to scare Morrison. Ugh this pairing is easily my favorite thing in wwe rn.

Interesting, so Bray protects her. A fair duo.

I will never not cringe at watching people pretend to break someone’s neck by twisting it to the side. If I was a wrestler, that’s a move I would NEVER allow to be done to me.

On the plus side, Alexa took out Morrison and he sold it really fucking well. On the negative, it seems that distracted Bray as he’s more concerned for her well being now.

Oh my god the way Alexa reappears from behind the barricade. Creepy as shit.

Love watching her “balance” on the barricade considering she was one hell of a gymnast in her day.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for watching Lacey progress in the ring, cuz I think her character work is just fantastic, but holy shit what a downgrade going from Mandy and Dana to Lacey and Peyton.

Why is she excited? Why is it exciting to fight Sasha? Maybe Asuka should’ve taken that match a bit more seriously, considering the outcome. But I’m jumping ahead of myself.

“No one is ready for Asuka,” except for Charlotte, Becky, Shayna, Alexa, Sasha...

I do appreciate how Lacey isn’t scared of anyone while Peyton is wary of literally everyone. That’s good. Nia has a point though, y’all could’ve used Mandy. I guess it doesn’t matter though, considering the outcome. Jumping ahead of myself again.

“Worst idea since Quibi” lmao shots fired.

*Bonus* Peyton/Lacey online exclusive: they vibe real well off script. Peyton made points saying she can’t wait to teach Lacey how to be on a team. That’s valid cuz Lacey is NOT much of a team player. Points to Lacey though, she’s funny as hell.

Highlight: Alexa Bliss

---

NXT:

Awesome hearing War Pigs during that Shotzi promo. Is that the official theme song for War Games? If so, baller to wwe for shelling that cash out.

I’m guessing Shotzi was fixing her tank? Was that the premise? Regardless, the setting was different and interesting.

I really like the fencing around nxt’s ringside. Fits with the grungy “indie” feel.

God I’m gonna have to watch Candice defeat Kayden and Kacy aren’t I?

Indi bought the Garganos a flat screen tv? :/ mk. What does she have to gain? Johnny was an AWFUL champion and Candice has never even held gold. What is she hoping to accomplish?

“Indi is gaining one of the best mentors in the nxt locker room” lmao WHAT.

omg Kacy and Kayden are so fucking entertaining, I feel like I say this every time I watch them. All tag teams need to TAKE. NOTES. Look at that cohesion and teamwork. Whew.

Hold on don’t try to retcon Tegan as leaving Candice’s side. I hate Tegan even more than I hate Candice, and she was a shite friend to Dakota by proxy of being a spineless dweeb, but do not try to paint Candice as the victim in her feud with Tegan.

I know nothing about the Dakota/Candice friendship but I’d go ahead and blame Dakota since she’s hella douchey lmao.

Imagine thinking Indi is an upgrade from Dakota. Commentary is super funny and distracting tonight lmao.

Was that not a flatliner? Sure looked like an intended flatliner.

So Kacy attempts to kill herself in the process of taking out Indi and none of the cameras caught it? :/ we still using interns looking for college credits in production? Is that what’s happening??

Vic is kind of an awful commentator in his actual calls. “Nice suplex, almost a brainbuster” better hope that was a brainbuster cuz if not, that was the saddest fucking suplex I’ve ever seen in my life.

So Kacy almost kills herself using offense against Indi and Indi was coherent first? Ugh anyway.

Why do we have to listen to Ember speak every week? What a terrible idea.

So now she’s gonna be nxt’s savior by getting rid of Dakota and Raquel? Oh for fuck’s sake.

Why does she have fucking soda tabs on her gear still.

Why is she teaming with Toni. I THOUGHT THEY WERE HEELS. Seriously, am I the dumb one? Am I the one who needs their hand held? Has Ember not been acting like a heel since she returned? Am I the only one confused about Toni’s alignment??

“We’ve fallen victim to the numbers game” WHEN have you fallen victim to the numbers game, Toni? WHO WROTE THIS.

I know nxt wants me to give a shit about Ember and Toni, but good luck making me care about anyone down there more than Dakota or Rhea.

I would really appreciate it if Dakota was moved up to the MR without actually showing any dissention from Raquel.

Dakota calls a lot of matches, I’ve noticed. Pro shit.

Toni’s German suplexes are amazing if she’s actually never hurt anyone, cuz MAN they look gnarly af.

Gorgeous tornado ddt by Ember. Nice speed, great handling by Raquel.

Don’t Dakota and Toni have quite the history? From UK?

Today in wrestling commentary: Vic cannot tell the difference between left and right.

Whoa I just noticed Dakota isn’t wearing her knee brace. That’s kind of monumental, right? Isn’t that a big deal? I feel like that’s a big deal.

Honestly I might like Toni more than Ember. She comes off as a lot more likable since her move to nxt.

Oh Christ I gotta see Candice again. 

Hi why isn’t this main eventing? Do Rhea fucking Ripley and Io fucking Shirai not deserve it?? For real???

Hate it when refs hold the title up crooked. Noob.

Holy shit Io’s speed is TOP. TIER. Whew.

And then slips on the turnbuckle, sad. Could’ve been worse, could’ve been a Shotzi wipeout (and that’s what I’m gonna call it from now on)

What Io has in speed, Rhea has in strength, these are the facts.

Why did Vic cut Beth off by saying exactly what she was in the middle of saying? Vic’s losing a lot of points tonight tbh.

oof gnarly German suplex off the second rope by Io.

Oh my, Rhea’s ear is covered in blood. Must have punctured her ear with an earring. Rough. I say this as someone who has her fair share of piercings: it BOGGLES MY MIND why any of these women wrestle with their piercings in lmao. No ma’am.

Brutal match, whew.

Rhea wiped her own blood on her face.

There are some aprons spots with Rhea obviously waiting around that needed some work.

Rhea can sell, certainly, but her screaming is way too dramatic at times. Most notably at wm in the empty arena, but this match is a close second. Almost borders on annoying.

Niiice Rhea adding a nice vortex spin on the tail end of her cloverleaf submission. Points. Keep that.

Oh that Riptide attempt countered into an armbar by Io. BEAUTIFUL.

I liked that. Io goes for the 619 in the middle rope, Rhea ducks. Io goes for the 619 on the lower rope, Rhea dodges. Io strikes her a couple times, Rhea falls to the opposite side of the ring and Io proceeds to hit the 619. Good stuff.

Lol Io’s smiling at Rhea kicking out of the missile dropkick.

Nice flip off of Rhea’s clothesline but I’m not a fan of Io landing her moonsault on her feet. That’s not really her M.O.

Fucking spiked Rhea with a ddt by countering the Riptide again. That’s a solid champion, has her opponent completely scouted.

Beautiful sunset flip powerbomb through the ropes with Rhea landing through a table. Would’ve been cool if Rhea had let go right away, though.

In kf, I give points to Rhea for dragging herself from the rubble just to eat a clean pin. Great match.

Highlight: Io vs Rhea

---

NXT UK:

Wow robbing me of KLR’s entrance. Guess Piper is officially the heel.

Quit calling her a “new” Piper Niven. A slight aggression is hardly “new”

BE CAREFUL WITH KLR’S SNAZZY COAT.

Y’all got tape out? Have we learned nothing from Bayley/Sasha hiac?

CHUCKED A FUCKING RING BELL INTO PIPER’S HEAD LMAO

Ugh headbutt that takes everyone out. Tsk.

Ric who? Charlotte’s dad??

Who do I gotta pay to see KLR vs Becky Lynch in an extreme match?!

KLR rolls away after that fisherman buster on the outside. Smart points.

Alright listen I’m on KLR’s side but WHY IS JINNY OUT HERE

Lol smacked Piper with a ‘no entry’ sign. Haha.

And Piper broke a sign over KLR’s head, followed by puns from the commentators.

rip random guitar.

Match doesn’t have any creative spots really, but they sure know how to utilize random objects.

BRO YOU CAN’T TAKE A STEEL PIPE TO HER KNEE ON CONCRETE, THAT’S HELLA RUDE. KLR lit a fire under Piper’s ass and Piper’s trying to retire her as thanks. Super, super rude.

Fuck her up fam, I don’t even feel bad.

??? Did KLR even land through the table or did she just land straight onto the fucking concrete? Jesus Christ man. No, she didn’t, she slid into the second table and just ate the floor. Oh my god. IS SHE OKAY??

Highlight: That vicious ending gained KLR a lot of respect in my eyes

---

Smackdown:

Imagine being surprised that Adam chose the longest reigning SD women’s champion as his team captain. Granted she’s probably despised by everyone, but she’s got the pedigree, come on now.

Look how good Bayley looks. Whew.

“You know what time it is? Bayley time.” she’s so annoying rofl.

Wow riveting stuff, I have zero comments about this 2 min match tbh.

Go stand in the ring with your damn captain, Bianca.

Lmao Bayley allergic to hugs now. Character progression.

It’s quite the team I’m ngl. I just wish we could’ve wrapped up this Sasha/Bayley shit like... months ago so we could enjoy captain Bayley for a bit longer. Gonna burn through this in one damn episode. It’s a bummer.

*Bonus* Nattie’s online exclusive: “I sailed through some rough waters [...] I’m smart, I’m sexy, I’m funny, I’m rich” She is funny, I will give her that.

We’re getting Asuka/Sasha face to face? For real? Okay.

Cute, Sasha’s smile toward Asuka actually looked genuine. I miss when Sasha seemed genuine. It’s like Bayley killed that part of her.

“Michael are you forgetting what time it is?” BAYLEY TI-- “It is boss time, baby!” welp my mistake.

I’ve played Asuka’s dialogue to Sasha 3x and I still have no idea what she was saying because of her ridiculous fucking dancing and animation. I’m tired. Bayley come take her title.

Omg now she’s doing “you can’t see me” SHE ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING I absolutely despise her being champion.

Actually she is ready for Asuka, and I’m gonna take great joy in watching her win this Sunday. Sasha is hella unlikeable until the moment that bell rings, then she’s a god. Is what it is.

Booo Sasha was actually doing good on the mic, how dare you ruin that, Carmella.

Asuka is awful. Even Becky and Ronda fought off common enemies once upon a time. Asuka helps legit N O B O D Y. Awful champion.

Highlight: Captain Bayley

---

Survivor Series:

Love Sasha’s gear.

Asuka kicked out at one, quick everyone cry about her selling. Oh wait she’s not Charlotte, my bad.

Beautiful attempt at an armbar by Sasha, whew.

Sasha is so good at this whole wrestling thing lol.

Nice pop up from that backstabber.

Right and in contrast, Asuka is an amazing striker.

Oh a codebreaker to Sasha as she dangles from the second rope. Gorgeous move.

Ahhhh the blue haired god got the job done. I knew she’d win but it’s so gratifying to see.

Not much to say about the match. The spots weren’t brutal or super creative/innovative, but it had GREAT back and forth and really showcased their chemistry in technical wrestling. Also might very well have been the best match they’ve had yet, seemed pretty short though. Still, an enjoyable watch. Good for Sasha.

Lol the disdain in Nia’s face as she looks at Lana.

Look, Bayley’s arm band says ‘captain’ so she’s the captain.

Love seeing how creative people get with their gear at Survivor Series, as opposed to just throwing a damn brand shirt on. Looking at you, 2016.

One thing I’ve learned about Bayley is if she calls you sister, she genuinely likes you behind the scenes. So glad to see Lacey is in her good graces.

Omg Lacey learned how to do a kip up, everybody clap.

Love how the light shines off of Nattie’s gear. Got rainbows popping.

Squatting while stalling a suplex, and synchronized kip ups. Bianca and Nattie are fun.

“Bayley and the great Becky Lynch,” Oh shit, peep that RESPECT we’re putting on her name now? She gets ‘the great’?? wwe finally seeing her on the same level as ‘the great’ Charlotte Flair??? I am shook. Good for her, fucking deserved (also poor Bayley rofl)

Lana tags herself in again lmao. Nia 5 seconds from killing her. Look, Lana tries. Let her try.

I can’t breathe. she been put in timeout.

(referring to a move by Peyton) “I give that a perfect 10“ PPPFFFFTTTT

What a bump by Bayley; a suplex off the top rope onto the entire roster on the outside, and what a great locker room leader to be checking on everyone IMMEDIATELY as if she didn’t just fucking take a massive bump. Also poor Lana standing over there watching the fun lol.

Now I already knew Peyton pinned Bayley cuz of the outrage by Bayley fans who deemed her “buried” afterward, but I think it was a poor decision to have Peyton get that pin. Peyton sucks, not sorry. Have Lacey get that pin before Peyton. Actually, have Lana get that pin before Peyton.

Not sure what Nattie was going for with that submission to Peyton, but she improvised real quick. So points.

Doesn’t Nattie usually wear wrist guards? Awkward seeing her without them.

Goes for a sharpshooter on a woman who’s not even active rn. I’m removing her points lmao.

I legit never get to see Bianca’s 450 splash and you know what? Fuck y’all.

Well Bianca’s a great partner to do a Spanish Fly with so, good on Lacey.

That’s an interesting elimination. Ruby would’ve pinned Shayna as she had rolled back and reversed the Clutch, but the ref was distracted by Nia. By the time he started counting, Ruby had passed out. Interesting.

Crucifix Bomb by Liv eliminates Lacey, fucking dope.

Having Bianca as the last survivor on her team is great for Bianca. This is a compliment from management.

BEAUTIFUL catch by Shayna into the Clutch. Wow that was nice.

Ah we redoing the spot from their Takeover match, IE my introduction to Bianca. Solid.

Oh this is good. Bianca passed out from the Clutch while on the ropes so Shayna was disqualified. Nia drug Bianca out of the ring to put her through the announce table and they started brawling until they were both counted out. 

Again, I knew Lana was the sole survivor but seeing it happen is fucking hilarious. Nice protection for Bianca though, and seeing Nia this pissed off is so cathartic.

Highlight: Bianca was the real standout imo

---

*Survivor Series shined the brightest as we had both a great technical match, and a fun, entertaining multiwoman match filled with shenanigans. If that’s a cop out, then I’ll give it to NXT this week. 

[champhangman]

Monumental Gravity - Part 1

Characters: Corey Graves x OFC

(shitty)Summary: I'd pick your thunder – I'd pick your rain – over anyone's sunshine any day.

Word Count:

Notes: There is an extreme lack of Corey fics. What's up with that? Anyway, here's my attempt to fill the void. Special thanks to @athoughtfulmindwrites for helping me with things and for assuring me that it's totally fine to abandon my other fics to work on something new.

More Notes: Those who read my other ongoing fic, Reckless, fear not! I’m not abandoning it! That fic will be updated later this week.

Tagging:  @llowkeys | @the-geekgoddes | @horcruxhunter5972 | @zombiexbody | @imtoldimbabe | @vebner37 |  @nickysmum1909 | @taryndibiase | @justtrey19 | @alexahood21 | @lunaticqueen7 | @thephenomenonalkingofthebrogues | @styl3sl0v3r | @kingslayers-angel | @womderland-fandom | @blondekel77 |  @lonewolfgirl17 | @florenceivy | @meghanannexx | @skrillexslays13 | @geekoftv | @athoughtfulmindwrites | @deanammbrose | @not-that-kinda-gurl08 | @lunaticfringe216 | @13reasonswhyiblog | @itsclaaree | @mainlywwe-shitposts | @fluffyzombiemia @spine-buster | @idle-vanity | @ladylokid | @wwewomendaily | 

Propping his feet on the corner of the announce table, Corey Graves was just unlocking his phone when it vibrated with a notification. He smiled upon seeing what it was, and was opening the app to read it fully and reply when his feet were shoved off the edge of the table. Catching himself, he sent a glare to the man who'd done it. "I hate that shit."

"Didn't your mom teach you any manners?" Baron Corbin scoffed, pulling one of the other chairs over to sit in.

"Says the man that thinks it's totally fine to piss in a sink," Corey muttered. Lifting his feet onto the table again, he turned his gaze back to his phone. He paid no attention to his friend's defensive mutterings, intent on making sure he read the message fully. Nodding to himself, he began to reply.

"Who are you looking forward to seeing later?" Baron asked, having leaned to see Corey's screen.

"Jesus, personal space, man," he groaned, pushing the man away.

"You're setting up dates through Twitter? Are you that fucking desperate?"

Corey groaned again and sent the message before looking to Baron. "First of all, it's not a date. And I'm not desperate."

"What is it then?"

"She tweeted me a few weeks ago that her son enjoyed my commentary and he tries to emulate me when he plays with his action figures." Corey smoothed the front of his shirt.

"Emulate?" Baron snorted and shook his head. Then, smiling, he nodded. "The kid could do much worse than you."

"I told her he could probably find someone a lot better, but yeah. And we interacted a little more, then I saw she lives near here and knew we'd be here for Smackdown—"

"So you, being the big softie you are, arranged for them to come to the show?"

"No, she already had tickets." Corey kept his gaze averted from Baron, because he'd been prepared to comp her and her son some tickets. "But the kid likes me—"

"Poor deranged little guy," Baron murmured sadly.

"Fuck you too. Anyway, I'm meeting them for a little bit before the show."

"Cool. Am I allowed to ask questions?"

Like the man had ever asked permission. In all the years they had been friends, nothing ever stopped Baron from asking questions. It was one of the things Corey valued about their friendship. There were, literally, no secrets. "Go ahead."

"How do you know it's really a woman?"

Corey rolled his eyes. "I'm not that stupid."

"But how do you? It's Twitter. It could be some five-hundred-pound dude with a plan to kidnap you." Baron leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms above his head.

"Why would a dude – don't fucking answer that," he muttered when he saw Baron's smirk.

"Have you seen a picture of her?"

"No," he answered after a moment. And he'd looked. Her profile picture on Twitter was a child's drawing of the sun. He'd followed a link to her Instagram, only to find it was set to private. The only photos she had posted on Twitter were random, sweet, funny, or weird things she wanted to share, the most recent being a plate of brownies she'd baked. It was a good thing, he supposed, that she was so private. But damned if it hadn't frustrated him when he'd gone looking. "She hasn't posted pictures of herself."

"Then it's definitely a dude," Baron decided. "How are you supposed to know it's her?"

"She just messaged me saying what her and her son are wearing.

"So you're just gonna go outside to meet this strange woman? That's luring you out with her kid?" Baron frowned. "When they find your mutilated corpse can I have your dog?"

"Would you fucking stop?" Corey scowled while checking the time. "And no, you can't have Bull."

"Come on, this is fun. I can already see the internet posts and news story about you missing without a trace." Baron was grinning now. "It'll be a sad, sad story with a wonderful lesson: Don't meet strangers from the internet."

"Why don't you come with me if you're so worried about my safety?"

"What, so I can get kidnapped too? Hell no." Despite that answer, his friend was nodding. "But if it'll make you feel better, I'll keep an eye on you from the door."

"My hero," Corey snorted.

***

Small feet encased in vivid pink Skechers hopped from one brick to the next. When they reached the end of the walkway, and a pair of brown cowboy boots, they danced briefly then began hopping in the other direction, until they met a pair of red Converse. After a moment of hesitation they moved to one side and continued their hopping, stopping only when they arrived at a pair of black leather boots.

"How many hops?" asked the owner of the boots.

"Um." The owner of the pink Skechers hesitated. "Eleventy four hundred!"

"Eleventy four hundred, huh? Are you sure?"

"Uh-huh." The pink Skechers turned and once again began to hop from brick to brick.

"Mom, there's no such number as eleventy."

"She's two, Clark. I think I can give her just a little leeway with numbers." Bette Spencer watched her daughter hop along the brick walkway. As she expected, Julia went directly for her grandfather, who was seated on the bench. Once she had climbed up to sit next to him, Bette relaxed and turned her attention to her son. "Besides, it wasn't that long ago that you told everyone the sun was made of mustard."

Clark's eyes widened with embarrassment. "Mom! I was six."

"Oh, right, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me for reminding you of your misguided youth." Rolling her eyes playfully, Bette lifted her to-go cup of coffee for a sip.

"What time is it?"

She decided against sighing and pointing out that Clark had a watch, a cell phone, and had asked the time only two minutes before. Nudging the sleeve of her sweater up so she could see her watch, she blinked with surprise. Five minutes had passed since Clark had last asked the time. "Four ten," she answered, giving her son a smile. "Are you nervous?"

"A little," he admitted. Then, after making sure that Julia was still with their grandfather, he nodded. "What if he's a jerk?"

"I don't think a man that's offered to take time out of his busy schedule to meet you for a little bit could be a jerk," she promised, even though she had her own worries. What if he didn't show? What if he was standing backstage laughing with coworkers about gullible women? Perhaps she shouldn't have told Clark about the planned meeting. It would have been better to surprise him, if Corey Graves did show up. She could have kept quiet about Corey offering to meet him before Smackdown. It was already a pretty big deal in her son's world, getting out of school early to make the two hour drive to see a wrestling show. She would have come early even if Corey hadn't messaged her about meeting up, because she hated rush hour traffic in the city and had learned on their earlier trips that it was much nicer to arrive a few hours early. Better to have time for a bite to eat and a little bit of touristy action to blow off some of the steam of excitement. Especially with a two year old in tow…

Maybe bringing Julia had been a mistake. She was still a baby, for crying out loud. It would probably be too loud for her little ears. Or there would be some drunken jerk right behind them that would scream obscenities and scare her. Or she would fall asleep halfway during the show, as she was apt to do at home. Or…

Or maybe she was just worrying too much.

"He said four thirty, right?" Clark didn't look bothered by the fact he'd broken into her thoughts. Of course he probably didn't know. His hand reached up to smooth his hair, then fell to his lap.

Her sweet, worrying little boy. Like mother, like son, she supposed. She would have kissed him if she hadn't thought he would cringe at the public display of affection. Instead, she took another sip of her coffee before answering. "He did. We'll head around in a couple of minutes, okay?"

"Wouldn't it be great if he got us inside and we could see the announce table and the ring and maybe meet some of the wrestlers?" Clark blurted. "I mean, what if I could meet Kevin Owens?"

Knowing her son, he'd probably soil himself. Bette knew better than to say that, though. Smiling, she said nothing to discourage his imagination. An imagination was good, especially when so many people wanted him to face the cold, hard reality of life at his young age. So even though she was pretty sure he would only meet with his favorite commentator for probably only ten or fifteen minutes, she said, "You never know."

"Mama! Mama!" Julia's voice filled the early autumn air. Bette heard her voice and approaching footsteps before she focused on the blue-and-green blur that was her daughter. She lurched to a stop, wobbling long enough to make her mother worry she would fall, then surged forward to the bench Bette and Clark shared. "Papa's hat!"

"What have I told you about stealing your Papa's hat? Do you want his bald spot to burn?" Bette sighed, nudging the brim of the Boston Bruins cap back so she could see her daughter's face. Then she groaned. "Julia Rose Spencer! You haven't had a thing to eat in the past hour, how did your face get so dirty?"

"I'unno," Julia answered, shrugging her shoulders elaborately. When her mother reached into her purse and pulled out a packet of wipes, the girl's green eyes widened. "No, mama!"

"Yes, mama," Bette corrected, opening the packet and getting a wipe. "You can't go around in public with a dirty face. I don't mind if you go around in clothes that don't match, or when you insist on having your hair in three ponytails with ribbons in them, or even when you want to wear winter boots in the middle of July. But I'll be darned if I'm letting my child skip around with a face so nasty I could grow pumpkins on it."

She worked to clear the small face while she spoke, ignoring the sighs of complaint and squirms to get away. Julia wrinkled her nose in disgust when Bette brought the wipe to her chin.

"There," Bette announced, tossing the used wipe into the trashcan next to the bench. "Now take Papa his hat, and let's get moving."

Next to her, Clark hopped to his feet. "It's time to go around back already?"

"It will be by the time Her Royal Slowness gets to your Papa." Bette stood and finished the rest of her coffee before throwing it away. Smoothing the front of her sweater, she waited until Julia was further along the walkway before heading after her. The late afternoon sun was warm, making her sweater too warm to have on, but she knew that by the time the show ended and they left the arena it would be chilly. Julia had discarded her jacket; it was stuffed into Bette's purse. Clark was still wearing his Seth Rollins hoodie, which had come in the mail the day before, and Bette had a feeling it would take an act of Congress to get him to take it off.

When she reached the bench her father was on, he was adjusting his cap. He stood, one hand instantly reaching to grab Julia before she could skip off. He transferred her to Bette, then nodded in the direction of the sports bar they'd passed on the way in. "I'll be over there if you need me."

"I'm sure we'll be fine." Grateful he hadn't asked a million questions, she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'll text you when we're done."

"Wait a minute, I don't think my phone's on…"

***

She was late. Corey glanced to the handful of fans standing at the barricade. No sign of a woman wearing a green sweater, or a little boy wearing a Kevin Owens shirt and a Seth Rollins hoodie. He decided to give her a few more minutes, allowing for traffic and knowing that kids always had to use the restroom at the most inconvenient time.

"How long are you gonna wait?" Baron asked.

"A few minutes." He reached for his phone to check if she'd sent another message. "She could have gotten—"

"What's she supposed to be wearing?"

"A green sweater and black pants I think she said. The kid's wearing an Owens shirt and a Rollins hoodie." Head lowered to look at his phone, he grunted when Baron's elbow jammed into his arm. "What the—"

"What color is her hair?"

"I have no idea, why?"

"Because I think I see them. But she's got two kids."

Corey jerked his head up. His gaze landed on the figure of a woman standing a bit away from the other fans. A small child was on her hip and, next to her, a little boy. He squinted, saw that they matched the description she'd given him, and motioned to the nearby security guard. "That's them. Her last name is Spencer."

"You're bringing them inside?" Baron's voice was incredulous.

"I'm not dragging them into the locker room," he snorted, watching as the guard crossed to the barricade. "I just figured the kid would like to get a quick tour."

"Did you—"

"I cleared it with Hunter," Corey promised. "They can't be backstage for longer than it takes to get out to the ring, and he said to keep it under an hour."

"You're really sticking your neck out for a chick you met on the internet," his friend murmured. "Did she promise you a repayment?"

"Don't be vulgar."

"You're the king of vulgar, though."

"Well, yeah," Corey admitted begrudgingly. "I'm just being nice for a kid. What's the crime in that?"

"Nothing," Baron promised. "Nothing at all. It's just the mom's hot."

Corey rolled his eyes, turning to see the guard was coming back. Ms. Spencer was with him, and as they approached he saw the child on her hip was a girl. The boy – Clark, wasn't it? – was starting to smile, and when his eyes moved to Baron his lips parted in shock.

She was attractive, he conceded. Not of the drop-dead-gorgeous variety, but he knew she would get more than a few second looks in public. There was confidence in her step, and her lips were upturned in a soft smile. Her hair was dark, waves bouncing against her shoulders with each step. And when she turned slightly to reach for her son's hand, he suddenly understood what dangerous curves were.

"Told you," Baron muttered, pushing away from the wall and pasting a smile on his face.

There was the blur of introductions. The little girl was Julia, the boy was Clark. There was disbelief from Clark when Corey invited them in to see the arena and the commentary table. There was the curious, almost pensive expression on Julia's cherubic face that remained even as he escorted them through the backstage area.

"Oh my god," Clark breathed when they bypassed Gorilla and went through the side curtain.

He couldn't have timed it better if he'd tried. The techs were going through a light sequence, filling the arena with blue and white spotlights. The huge LCD screens and panels swirled with color. Corey rubbed his hands together, then guided the boy to the edge of the stage. "You gotta walk down the ramp, you know."

"I do?"

"Of course. Even commentators walk down the ramp." Corey lifted him onto the stage, then looked to the little girl. "Would you like to walk the ramp, too?"

Julia's lips puckered in thought. She looked from him to her brother to the stage and then back again. Finally, with a nod, she reached for him.

"Don't run," their mother warned once Julia was standing next to her brother.

"Aw, man," Clark sighed. He turned to see the LCD panels, then circled back to face the ring. Just as he took a step forward to get to the ramp, the panels came to life with vivid red, and Kevin Owens' music began to play. Immediately the boy's face lit up.

"Owens is his favorite," the woman at Corey's side explained.

"Then he's about to have the best moment of his day," Corey told her, leaning in so she could hear him above the music. She turned her head so he could see the confusion on her face. He caught the aroma of her shampoo. And realized how green her eyes were. "Kevin's coming out," he said, motioning to the stage.

They both turned to look just as Kevin stepped out onto the stage. At the sight of Julia and Clark he stopped, and Corey motioned to him and gave him a quick thumbs up. The man nodded, moving forward to stand behind the kids, then leaned to speak in Clark's ear. Corey didn't catch what he said, but judging by the grin on the boy's face it was something great.

Julia didn't seem half as interested, already skipping down the ramp. Kevin walked with Clark, whose mouth was moving rapidly. Corey reached for Ms. Spencer's arm to guide her around the lights set up along the edge of the ramp. The music blessedly ended once they all reached the ring, and he was able to introduce the three to Kevin.

Tom and Byron were at the announce table, going over notes for the upcoming show. When Corey walked over with Clark, both men glanced up and looked to him curiously. He made more introductions, explained that Clark would be the hottest commentator in the company in about twenty years, then motioned for the boy to take his chair while they showed them how they did their job. Opening his mouth to answer Clark's question about watching the monitor instead of the action in the ring, he lifted an eyebrow when Tom began to speak.

"We need to call the action that's shown on TV, so—"

Clark turned to look at Corey. "Can I say it? Please?"

Corey began to grin. "Go for it."

"Shut up, Tom!"

Kevin joined in the laughter. The next thing Corey knew, Clark was being taken to the ring for an up-close tour. Tom and Byron wandered off with promises of seeing him in a little while. Corey looked to Ms. Spencer and turned Tom's seat toward her.

"Is it always this hectic before a show?" she asked, taking the seat and tugging Julia away from a coil of cable.

"Sometimes it's worse. The calm hits a few minutes before the doors open." Corey turned his seat to face her, surprised when Julia leaned against his leg and stared up at him. "What do you need, sweetheart?"

"Tat," she announced, pointing to his neck.

He reached up to touch the front of his throat. "This one?"

She nodded excitedly. "C'I see?"

"Sure." Further surprised when she crawled into his lap, he grunted as her knee banged dangerously close to his crotch, reaching to steady her with one arm. He tilted his head back so she could get a good look at the tattoo. "You like tattoos, huh?"

"She's obsessed with them," her mother explained with a rueful smile.

"I can tell. Not a problem," Corey said, chuckling as Julia traced the skull on his throat. Letting his head move back to its usual position when she turned her attention to the ink covering his forearm, he smiled at her mother so she would know it really wasn't a problem. "I prefer kids who want to look at them instead of screaming over how hideous they are, Ms. Spencer."

"It's Bette. And she's been examining tattoos since before she could walk. Neither she or her brother have ever been scared of them. Probably because I have so many."

He looked from the girl in his lap to the woman next to him. Demure, level-headed, brownie-baking Bette had ink? His gaze quickly roved over her figure. No tattoos were visible with the leggings and loose sweater she wore. Of course, neither was much skin. "You do?" he asked, turning his arm so Julia could see the rest of the tattoo she was tracing. "Where?"

"All over," she answered. "Half-sleeve on my right arm, big piece on my left hip and thigh, both ankles, shoulders, left forearm… And of course the totally tacky college girl tramp stamp."

He lifted an eyebrow. "What are they of?"

"Good grief, it'll be easier to show you than to explain them all," Bette laughed.

Corey briefly wondered if she was going to start stripping, and was almost – almost – disappointed when she plucked her phone out of her purse. She leaned close and he glimpsed a photo of her kids as the wallpaper before she brought up her pictures.

"This is my hip piece," she said, angling the phone so he could see better. "It was right after it was finished, so ignore the redness and the sheet. I got irises because they're my favorite flower."

He pressed his lips together while looking at the picture. Vivid purple and white irises were arranged in a collage on her hip, extending to almost mid-thigh and up to her lowermost rib. The background was soft and perfectly shaded. He let his gaze settle on curve of her backside, which was visible despite the sheet, and suddenly felt uncomfortably warm. "That's great," he enthused. "Who did it?"

"Nick at Werther's. He's done all my tats." She swiped to the next photo. "My half-sleeve after the last bit was added."

It was a mishmash of small tattoos. Though they were all different, they meshed well. A Christmas tree, a brilliant gold star, a red and black dragon wearing a diamond tiara, a fleur-de-lis. Tiny butterflies and blood-red roses were interspersed between all of them. "What's behind it?"

She exhaled softly and told him, pointing to each individual piece. Christmas was her all-time favorite holiday, although Halloween was a very close second. The star was for Clark, who she always called her shining star. The dragon was for Julia, her little dragon princess. The fleur-de-lis was a nod to her French roots. "There are twenty-two butterflies, which is how old I was when Clarke was born. And twenty-nine roses, for how old I was when Julia was born. They were the last ones added to it, and we split them up over three visits."

He nodded, impressed. Opening his mouth to praise the work, he instead closed it as she swiped the screen to bring up the next picture. "Your shoulder?" he guessed, glancing at her before turning his attention to the picture. "That's insanely good."

A skull, thorny vines crisscrossing and growing into its mouth, stared back at him with blooming red roses. Bette zoomed in so he could see the detail, and he saw the smile on her face. "It's probably my favorite," she murmured. "It was my first one."

"Not the tramp stamp?" he teased.

She groaned. "That doesn't count because I was… Okay I wasn't drunk but I was on my way to being drunk."

"I gotta see it, you know."

"Let's save the worst for last," she insisted, swiping to the next photo. "Left shoulder. For my mom."

He nodded, admiring the detail of the wings spreading out from a heart. Across the heart was a banner, the name Joan filling it in a looping script. Next was an infinity symbol with her son's name and birthdate on the inside of her right ankle, then a matching one for her daughter on the left ankle. Then a dreamcatcher on her left forearm.

"And that's it," she said, beginning to shift away.

"Oh-ho, nice try," he laughed. He slipped her phone from her grasp. Ignoring her shocked noise, he swiped to the next photo. And immediately pressed the phone to his chest to shield it from Julia's eyes. Not that the girl seemed to care. She'd slipped out of his lap and was digging through her mother's purse.

"I told you it was terrible," Bette muttered, reaching for the phone. He waved her hand away though.

"You could have warned me the picture showed your—" he cut off, glancing at the little girl, and cleared his throat. "Your rear end."

"Don't be such a prude. There's barely any butt cleavage," she defended.

"Still," he grunted, tilting the phone away from his chest and looking down at the screen. The purple butterfly was dead center on the small of her back. Shaded swirls of turquoise and lavender extended beyond the wings, the tips of the swirls nearly reaching her hip dimples.

Hip dimples. He bit the inside of his bottom lip, not liking how easy it was to imagine his thumbs on those dents while he—

"Gum!" Julia squealed. She straightened, holding a pack of mint gum victoriously. "Please?"

"Ask Mr. Graves if he'd like some," Bette said.

"Mis'er G'aves?"

Corey dragged his attention from the photo on the screen and the inadvertent imaginings it had produced to find the girl extending the pack of gum into his direction. "What is it, sweetheart?"

"Gum."

"Gum would be perfect right about now." He took one last glance at the butterfly tattoo and handed the phone back to Bette, smiling as Julia carefully extracted a stick of gum and placed it in his palm. "Thanks so much. It's just what I needed. Can't go around with stinky breath, can I?"

She giggled, popping a piece of gum into her mouth. "Nope!"

"Geez, Julia, you're supposed to say his breath doesn't stink," Bette groaned.

Julia's brow furrowed, and she leaned close to Corey. Breathing in deeply, she shrugged. "I'unno."

"It's fine," Corey promised Bette when she groaned again. "I've been known to have some rough breath before."

"But it doesn't smell—" she cut off and glanced to the ring, where Clark was standing on the middle turnbuckle. Lifting her phone, she began to take photos. "Thanks so much for doing this. When you suggested we meet before the show, I didn't know you would go to so much trouble."

"It's no trouble at all," he assured her, smoothing the gum wrapper between his fingers. "He seems like a great kid. Julia too," he added when the girl shot him a look. "I just don't understand how a boy can be more interested in commentary than the actual wrestling."

"He's not very physical. If I'm honest, he's a little bit of a klutz. Plus he had a few speech problems when he was first starting to talk. Delayed speech mainly, but also some phonetic difficulties. Playing with his action figures helped, and he began to repeat what the commentators said. That helped him even more. Then he discovered NXT a few years ago, and you. And well, that was that. You became his favorite. When I told him you'd be doing commentary on both Raw and Smackdown I thought his head was going to burst."

Touched, Corey pressed his lips together to keep a silly grin from forming. Watching as Kevin helped Clark down, he felt his breath catch in his throat when the boy slid from the ring and jogged straight towards him. He was startled at the feel of a pair of small arms wrap around him in a tight hug.

"Thank you so much, Corey," Clark said.

The words pulled directly on Corey's heartstrings. Returning the embrace, he cleared his throat. "Anytime, Clark. Anytime."

[takerfoxx]

Why do you have such a fervent hatred for Jurassic World? It wasn't horrendous, just middling

Oh, sure, sure. I’ll be the first to admit that myhatred for Jurassic World is mostly personal, and don’t hold it against anyoneif they enjoyed it. But hey, if you want me to explain in detail why I hatethat movie so much, then my friend, I will be more than happy to do just that!Ranty essay below.

Okay, let’s get this out of the way: when judgedpurely on its own merits, Jurassic World is…okay. It’s a perfectly serviceableB-movie, no more, no less. You know, something to spend a mindless afternoon watchingwith your buds to enjoy some fun action and then later forget all about. Andhad it been just that, I would have probably had the same reaction to it that Idid to Pacific Rim: decent fun, but not much more than that.

But I can’t judge it on its own merits, because itisn’t a standalone movie. It’s the fourth Jurassic Park movie, which means Ihave to hold it to a higher standard, and I have to take the franchise’shistory, both objective and personal, into account.

So, for starters, let’s begin with Jurassic Parkitself. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that, once again, putting all personalfeelings and overall cultural impact of this movie aside, it’s not a flawlessmasterpiece. There are a number of logical problems and let’s face it, not awhole lot goes on in the second act. It’s not even Spielberg’s best monstermovie. Jaws is. But damn it, it is still the quintessential dinosaur movie andone of the all-time great monster movies and still holds up today. And damn it,it’s still my favorite movie of all time. Sure, there are movies that I’d enjoymore if I watched them right now, simply because of how many times I’ve seenJurassic Park. And sure, films like the LoTR trilogy and Serenity also havestrong claims to my top spot, but when it comes to overall long-term impact, JPis king.

So yes, I am definitely going to come down harder onthis just because it bears the Jurassic Park name. I am going to nitpick thehell out of it and be the most obnoxious fanboy, because Jurassic Park doesmean that much to me and I feel that it deserves better. However, even withoutthe nitpicking, Jurassic World just fails so hard when it didn’t have to. Andits failure comes down to three intrinsic problems.

First and foremost is its unforgiveable sin: how ittreats the dinosaurs. This is the movie’s biggest and most important failing,because the dinosaurs are the stars. They are what people came to see, so howyou handle the dinosaurs is key. Don’t believe me? Just look at Jurassic Park.Now, JP treated it’s dinosaurs like goddamned rockstars. This was actuallymostly because of the technical limitations of the time. Hell, they had toinvent most of the CG effects that we now take for granted. But regardless,just having the dinosaurs on screen was so expensive that they were forced toreally limit their use. But just like the mechanical issues they had with Jaws,this turned out to be for their benefit. With only so much dinosaur footagethey could afford to shoot (fourteen minute to be exact, in an over two hour movie!),they worked their asses off to squeeze every bit of wonder, terror, awe,majesty, and dread that they could out of those scant few moments. And say whatyou will about Spielberg, but the man is the unquestioned master at this sortof thing. He could build a terrifying suspense scene in his sleep. Just look atthe T-rex escape scene. I’ve seen this scene so many times and it still scaresthe crap out of me, even when I’m watching it on my phone in broad daylight!

Furthermore, whenever the dinosaurs are not on screen,what’s going on? What are the characters doing? Well, they’re talking about thedinosaurs. Hyping the dinosaurs. Debating the dinosaurs. Explaining why thedinosaurs are so dangerous, sometimes even in the style of a campfire horrorstory. Pretty much every possible reaction to the dinosaurs is represented byone of the characters, whether it be that the dinosaurs are these wonderfulcreatures that we owe to ourselves to bring back, dinosaurs are thesehorrifying monsters that we cannot ever hope to control, dinosaurs are thebiggest goddamn attraction in the history of entertainment, dinosaurs arerelics from another time and bringing them back is horribly irresponsible, etc.But no matter where the individual characters fell in that debate, everyoneagree on one thing: the dinosaurs are a big, fucking deal. As such, when theydo appear onscreen, it feels like a big deal.

Now, let’s take things to Jurassic World. UnlikeJurassic Park, Jurassic World treats its dinosaurs more like a troupe of paidperformers, like you might hire to keep the guests entertained during an awardsceremony or a company picnic or something down those lines. Yeah, it’s fun, it’sentertaining, and you have a good time, but let’s face it: when all is said anddone, did it really do anything for you? Without the technical and monetarylimitations that Jurassic Park had, they were free to put as much dinosaurs inthere as they want, but as is often the case whenever that happens, quality issacrificed for quantity. The dinosaurs are not given the same amount of hype,presentation, or respect that the original afforded them. Sure, there was someeffort to make them cool at least, but it was standard giant CG monster moviefare, a far cry from the expert eye for detail that Spielberg brought to thetable. It was too much dinosaur, all in your face with too much CG even whenthey didn’t need it (CG’ing over the raptor puppets in the closeups? Really?),and even their much hype iRex (good God) just wasn’t all that scary. In fact,it was sort of silly given the stupid amounts of abilities they gave it.

And then there’s how the characters treated thedinosaurs, constantly going on and on about how dinosaurs were boring,dinosaurs were commonplace, people weren’t excited about them anymore, yaddayadda yadda. Pretty much the exact opposite of how Jurassic Park treated them.And sure, okay, nice meta-commentary there, but if you’re going to have yourcharacters verbally run the dinosaurs down, then yes, they’re going to feelcommonplace, they’re going to feel ordinary, they’re going to feel like theyaren’t special. This is like elementary level rules of showmanship here, onethat even the WWE understands. Whenever an aged veteran comes back for anovelty match, do the wrestlers, announcers, commentators, and video packagespoint out how old, run down, and far past their prime they are? Well, maybesometimes their opponent will to get heat, and even then it’s rare. But overallthe presentation will instead hype them up as great legends, highlighting theirexploits, ignoring the bad times, and they’re usually paired with workhorsesfor opponents, ones that can cover their weaknesses and still get an excitingmatch out of them. Because they understand that if you don’t treat yourattraction like a big deal, it won’t feel like a big deal.

Which brings us to our second point.

There’s an interesting little story about how theJurassic Park movie came to be. Both Steven Spielberg and Michael Crightonhappened to be doing work for the same tv show at one point, and they met onthe set. And during their conversation, Steven Spielberg idly asked MichaelCrighton what he was working on, and Crighton told him. Spielberg immediatelywent back to his studio and demanded that they secure the movie rights forCrighton’s unfinished book right the fuck now, because he would be damnedbefore he let anyone else make that movie.

And God, does it show. Touching back to what I saidabout presentation, Spielberg’s love for the movie shines through every scene,from the lighting to cinematography to the music to the direction to…well,everything. Jurassic Park is a movie that knows that it’s a big deal andcarries itself as such. Is it flawless? No. But it does what it does so welland with such confidence that it doesn’t matter. It knew that it was going tobe the biggest and best dinosaur movie of all time, and it was right.

But poor, poor Jurassic World. Man, imagine having tolive in that shadow, knowing that no matter how hard you try, you just won’t beJurassic Park. Imagine being Colin Trevorrow, having been given the reins tosuch a monumental task, all the while knowing that no matter what, you willnever be Steven Spielberg. You can’t match the sort of things he does in hissleep, no one can! You could slave for years, going over every detail, makingit the biggest and best Jurassic Park sequel you possibly could, and it justwould never be good enough, because nothing ever will.

Well, you could still give it the good ol’ collegetry, throw your best shot, and even when you disappoint everybody, at least youdid your best. Or you could do what Jurassic World did and not even bother, allthe while whining about how so much better the first movie was and how what you’redoing could never hope to live up. Hey, at least you’ll be ironic and metaabout it, right? Can never have too many lampshades, right? And while you’rebitching about how boring dinosaurs have become so all you really can do iscreate an even bigger dinosaur that you know will end up disappointing, why notcreate an entire character that parades around in an authentic Jurassic Parkt-shirt and goes on and on about how much more legit the original park was andhow far short of its glory your product falls? At least then you’ll get pointsfor being fucking self-aware.

Well, no. Fuck that cute hipster bullshit. Fuck beingironic, fuck being meta, fuck all that! You know, I wish I had seen this moviebefore writing Imperfect Metamorphosis, because honestly, some of its worstparts came from me making the same mistake. And I don’t mean Yuuka breaking thefourth wall and all that, I mean lampshading the criticisms I was getting andwasting time answering them in the text instead of just improving andsoldiering on. If you want your movie to succeed, then you have to be genuineabout it, you have to love your movie, you have to revel in what you can doinstead of bitching about what you can’t. And I have never, ever seen a moviethat hates itself as much as Jurassic World does. So yeah, I guess some of thatself-loathing rubbed off on me. You know something, Jurassic World? You’reright. You do suck, and you don’t get points for pointing it out!

But what really rankles me most of all is that it didn’thave to be that way. Jurassic World is the fourth movie in this franchise.There were two other sequels before it, and both were considereddisappointments. The Lost World was a very poor adaptation and definitely oneof Spielberg’s weakest films. Hell, even he admits it, saying that he, like Trevorrow,was overcome by the stress of having to live up to the first film and phoned itin as a result. It still has its moments, sure, and it’s definitely the best ofthe sequels, for what that’s worth. But between the sloppy presentation; vanishingconnection to the book; and obnoxious, self-righteous “heroes” that wereresponsible for everything that went wrong, it was a major step down. And asfor the third, well, I guess it’s inoffensive enough, but it was also lazy,pointless, disposable, forgettable, and centered around a really, really stupidgimmick. Talking raptors? Really?

So, with the tremendous gap between JP3 and JurassicWorld, after all of that fan backlash, two mediocre movies full of mistakes andone great film full of innovation to study and learn from, what does JurassicWorld decide to do? Combine the adaption decay and annoying characterizationfrom the second movie with the empty calories from the third and use none ofwhat made the first movie great, except to keep telling us that it’s great. Youhad one job, Colin! One job! And you had all the tools you needed to succeed!Why didn’t you learn from your predecessors? Why did you get sloppy?

So, overall, is Jurassic World really the worst thingout there? Hell no. Am I being nitpicky because of my love for the first movie?Hell yeah. But a McDonalds hamburger might serve if ordered at a fuckingMcDonalds, but if you try to pass that shit off in a five-star restaurant, nomatter how good it might actually taste compared to other McDonalds hamburgers,heads will fucking roll.

So I guess that’s that. I hate Jurassic World fortaking the dinosaurs I love and making them feel common. I hate it because ithates itself. And I hate it because it didn’t have it be this way, but it is.Fuck Jurassic World.

Sigh.

…

…

…

Okay, that trained raptor pack was pretty damn coolthough.

[vortexboss-blog]

Who did this to ya?

Pairing/Finn Balor X Reader

Summary//It was no secret to the WWE locker room that you and Finn Balor were extremely close to each other. You both had developed feelings for one another over time, but kept it a secret from each other. Finn was in a match one day when you were attacked by someone, resulting in injury. Once Finn finds out he makes it his job to find out who hurt you. His behavior is so different that it makes you question him on why he’s being so overprotective, and that leads to you both admitting what you truly felt for one another.

Warnings/Fluff

This is my first imagine on here, so it’s going to be horrible

Thanks to @caguayo85 for the very first imagine request.

________________________________________________________

You stood with your arms crossed over your chest while you watched Finn make his entrance. You caught yourself cracking a smile as the camera men captured every inch of Finn, dressed in his tight ring gear along with that leather jacket of his.

Finn’s entrance was always so fun to watch and see how involved the crowd was with him. Although, you found yourself focusing more on Finn than anything else that appeared on screen.

You couldn’t quite remember the precise day and time, but you do recall developing a crush on the proclaimed ‘Demon King’ not to long ago. It was only a matter of time before those feelings finally made themselves present, whether it was an uncontrollable smile, or a feeling of absolute giddiness, you always found yourself wooing over Finn even when he wasn’t around.

You and Finn had developed a strong friendship since the day you both met, and you were pretty certain that it was going to stay that way, and that’s the way Finn would of wanted it as well. You did a pretty good job of concealing your feelings, especially when around him and the other talent backstage.

You know how the story goes.People find out about who your interested in, and boom, next thing you know that person, Finn in this case, finds out, and well the rest is pretty obvious to see.

Over the seemingly loud voice of Michael Cole’s commentary, you were able to hear what sounded like someone rushing towards you from behind. At first you figured it was just someone who was in a hurry to get somewhere, so you kept your attention on the TV.

The scuffing of shoes against the ground became more apparent which made your eyes shoot away from the small monitor, you couldn’t even turn your head to gaze over your shoulder as your body was shoved roughly onto the table where the monitor had now toppled over the opposite side of the wooden surface

You were being attacked by someone.

You attempted to turn your head again in the direction behind you, resulting in a hand clutching the back of your head and slamming it down onto the wooden table, nose first. Pain shot through your head, and nose as you quickly moved one of your hands to your face to make sure you didn’t shed any blood

The blow to your head had made you momentarily dizzy, but you were still able to feel the person viciously yanking you off the table.

You were able to hear them emit an audible grunt as they pulled your small body off the table, but you couldn’t quite identify who the grunt belonged to.

They held onto the back of your neck with a tight grip, while their other hand held onto the tights you were wearing from your match earlier this evening. It was like one of those holds you use on opponents outside of the ring when you’re trying to toss them back into the ring.

This time they tossed you against a large metal cabinet.

Your spine had contacted with the metal handles of the cabinet which resulted in a sharp pain shooting up your back. You slid your back down against the cold metal until your bum touched the floor, and you were in a seated position.

While seated, you hung your head down so you were looking at the floor, your hair had fallen in front of your face, so you still had an unblemished view of who had ambushed you.

As you were moving your head back to its normal straight forward position to catch a glimpse at who stood in front of you, a big plastic bin that was placed on top of the metal cabinet fell onto your already battered head.

The impact from you hitting the cabinet must of been enough to make that bin fall, which was quite surprising since the bin felt super heavy on impact.

A loud groan of pain escaped your lips, your head was violently throbbing in pain, for a second you actually forgot where you were.

When you could finally muster up the strength, you slowly tilted your head up so you were in view of your surroundings all while keeping a hand on the top of your head, where you knew for sure a bump would sprout soon.

No one was around, it was completely empty like before. There was no sign of who attacked you.

You weren’t entirely sure as to why no one was around, you would think there would be a camera man, guards, interview’s and other backstage personal floating around in every nook and craney, but there was no one to be found.

The throbbing in your head only became worse with every second that surpassed. Even when the throbbing began to cease, the pugnacious pain lingered only to make you more uncomfortable.

Your vision started to grow extremely blurry. Even though you tried to recuperate your normal vision, it just kept getting worse and worse.

Even through the culmination of blurriness, you could see what looked like two silhouette’s rushing over towards you. Your vision provided no clarification as to who they were or what they were doing.

Next thing you know you completely black out.

_

As you slowly started to come back from your black out, you could hear two male voices from a close vicinity. For the moment what you were hearing just sounded like gibberish, but as your body began to wake up more and more you could clearly tell whoever was with you wasn’t verbalizing some unknown language. Your eyes slowly began to open due to the sensitivity of the bright lights that hung in the ceiling. You didn’t want to strain your eyes, so you waited for them naturally adjust.

“Ah, she’s awake.”

A groggy groan pushes past your lips. You bring your hands up balling them up slightly to rub your sensitive eyes.

“Wha-what happened…” you wobbly ask the medics as both slowly help you to a seated position on the medical bed.

You blacked out and hit your head on the floor.” One medic confirms.

Your mouth gapped open, you hit your head for the third time today. That last one must of done you In for good.

“Miss Y/N, you have suffered a concussion somehow, which is oddly strange because you only hit your head once.” The doctor confusedly assumes.

You understood why the medics sounded so confused, they weren’t there to witness the other two times you took some blows to the head.

“Well actually…” You trail off causing both medics to shoot you a look of concern.

You do your best to explain what happened, and how your head was hit from being slammed on the table, and the bin of whatever fell onto your head as well.

“Well that explains why you have a concussion then,” The medic says in realization.

“How long am I going to be on the shelf?” You ask concern producing in your voice as you spoke.

“We’re looking at about roughly a month.” The medic who sat closest to you confirms. “Month and a half, maximum,” the other medic adds.

You let out a sigh of relief, thank god it wasn’t more than that. You probably would of gone crazy if you were out for more than a month and a half. This is your first time getting injured since being apart of WWE, so it was going to take awhile for this to click in your mind.

“Hey, is that guy still outside?” One of the medics asks the other.

“Im not sure, maybe.” The other one responds.

“What guy?” You ask, your curiosity peaking out of its shell.

The medics share a look before they both look back to you.

“A wrestler,” the medic furthest away from you says as he goes through some files, “He practically busted in the door about 10 minutes after we brought you in, and he was freaking out, asking if you would be ok, and what happened, but we didn’t say anything we kinda had to chase him out.”

“What did he look like?” You ask even though you were pretty sure you knew exactly who it was.

“Hmmm..he had a very nice physique, blue eyes, he was about 5 foot 10, oh and he’s an Irish fella.”

“Finn…” you mumble to yourself.

Of course Finn was going to be the one to go batshit crazy if he found out you were hurt. He had to be worried sick right now, and for him to have heard about this right after his match probably just added to his mental and physical exhaustion.

“Can I please go?” You ask, knowing you need to let Finn see that your ok and everything is going to be fine.

“Yeah go ahead just take it easy, and no more hitting your head, we’ll do a follow up later.” The medics jokingly says granting you permission to leave.

You nod and plant your feet on the ground making sure to steady yourself since you were still experiencing some light dizziness. You slowly walked over to the door grabbing onto the metal handle. You turn to the two men, “Thanks guy’s,” you wave to them.

“You welcome,” both say in unison.

You twist the handle and push door open, and move out into the narrow hallway. You quietly ease the door in your direction making sure it didn’t slam to hard when it closed. Once the door quietly shut, the sound of someone’s feet against the floor could be heard behind you. This time you turned around ready to fight whoever it was.

You were expecting that person who attacked you to come back again but turns out it was just a sweaty Finn who pulled you into his embrace. Despite how sweaty he was and how horrible he smelt, you couldn’t help but hug him back. Finn held you tight, as if someone were going to swoop down outta nowhere and take you away from him.

Finn reluctantly pulled away from the embrace allowing you get a full view of his body. If anything you should be the one worried about him right now. His milky white skin was covered in red marks, scratches, and welts from his match. His condition was just as worse as yours. At least that’s your own opinion.

You noticed Finn frown as he focused on something that was on your face. Finn’s hand went to gently graze a bump that formed on your hairline from one of three times you hit your head. It didn’t hurt bad, but once Finn’s fingers came into contact with it, you winced softly which made him draw his hand back to his side.

“Finn I-”

“Who did this to ya?” He cuts you off with his question.

Finn’s voice was low, his accent sounded thick, you knew he was pissed, you couldn’t just hear it in his voice, but just by looking into his eyes you could see he wasn’t very happy with the situation at hand.

“Who, Y/N?!” He asks a little louder this time startling you.

“I-I don’t know, Finn…” You answer back right as the last word left his mouth.

“How can ya not know Y/N!?” He scolds you causing you to step back a bit, “Ya were da one getting attacked and ya didn’t see who did it?!”

You rapidly shake your head no not wanting to speak. Finn just looks at you, his chest rising and dropping rapidly with every breath he took, his fists were balled up and his knuckles were a different shade of white compared to his already pale skin tone.

“If ya don’t know who did it then I guess I’m gonna have ta find out myself.”

Finn walked away in whatever direction with the intentions of finding whoever hurt you. You respected him for caring and all, but he was taking it to a whole other level. Plus you didn’t need him to fight your battles for you. You are perfectly capable of handling the situation correctly.

You darted after him in the direction he walked in catching up to him shortly after.

Once you caught up with him, you stepped your body out in front of his, but he didn’t stop, he simply just moved around you and kept going. You caught up with him again except his time you placed your hands on his hard chest trying to bring him to a halt to no avail. If Finn really wanted to, he could walk straight through you with no struggle, but you knew he wouldn’t hurt you intentionally.

“Finn it’s not that big a deal.” You try to convince him. In response he gave you the “are you serious” type of look.

Finn stalled out finally causing you to stumble backwards a bit.

“Not tha big a deal?!” He practically shouts. “Ya have a concussion, and yer gonna be out for a month an’ a half.” He says exaggerating the whole sentence making it seem like it was the end of the world.

“Wait, wait, wait.” You stop him sticking your finger up. “How do you know I have a concussion. I didn’t even mention anything about it yet?

“I may of have been listening while ya were with tha medics.“ He nonchalantly admits crossing his arms over his chest. You weren’t upset that he was listening, you were just confused as to how he knew your status.

“Finn what the hell are you going to do when you find out who did this to me.” You ask referring to the bump on your head.

“Not like you can go demon king on them.” You joke.

"If i have ta I will. I don’t care who they are what they did was a horrible act of violence tha was absolutely unnecessary.”

Before you could argue back Finn had turned his back on you and began walking in the direction you were coming from before. This time he walked much quicker.

You repeated your actions from before and place your hands on his chest again trying to stall him again. Only this time it was way harder since his pace was much quicker.

“Why do you care so much about what happened?” You question still trying to fight back against Finn. You had even tried planting your feet while pushing against his chest for leverage, but due to Finn’s strength he ended up pushing you instead.

Finn’s silence frustrated you, and you knew having a sour attitude wouldn’t make it any better.

“Why do you care so much about me?!” You question but shout at the same time.

This time you cocked your arms back ready to shove Finn due to your own frustration, but before you could Finn caught your wrists in his grasp preventing you from shoving him.

In one swift motion, Finn yanked you into his embrace. His arms wrapped around your waist while your hands laid on his chest.

“Finn wha-”

You were cut off by Finn’s lips crashing down against yours. At first you thought that you were dreaming, were you still unconscious in the medics room, and this was just some amazing dream you’d wake up from any second. It wasn’t until Finn’s hands gently squeezed your waist for you to realize that this wasn’t a dream, and you were wide awake and this was actually happening.

Finn disconnected your lips, but still held you against his body by your waist.

“Wanna ask why I care so much about ya again?” He asks with a small grin.

"Finn I-I’m so confused..” you trial off, you were absolutely bewildered by his actions. When it came to Finn, you always thought you were trapped in the friend zone with him.

“Y/N, I never made it obvious, but I have liked ya’ for da’ longest time, ever since we had gotten so close dats when I knew tha I felt more for ya than just being friends.”

Once again you were bewildered. You always thought that you and Finn would remain nothing more than friends, it never crossed your mind that Finn could have the same feelings back. That was something you’d only catch yourself imagining in a perfect world.

Finn noticed the time you were taking to respond, so he let you go and moved away to give you some space.

"If ya don’t feel tha same then it’s ok.” He nervously says scratching the back of his neck. His bicep flexing in the process. Your heart melted as he spoke, his nervousness was one of the many adorable things you noticed about him. He would go from this badass man, to a nervous and shy man which was a quality that you had noticed with him for quite some time.

“Finn of course I feel the same.” You clarify stopping him in his tracks. His eyes widen and the most surprised look fills his face.

You do?” He asks. His overly excited tone fueling your happiness.

“Yes Finn, everything you said was exactly the way I felt for so long. I hid my feelings from you and everyone else. Every moment we spent together was amazing and I just found my feelings growing even more every time I saw you. I guess I was just always scared that you wouldn’t feel the same way back…” you say trailing off in your sentence.

You let your head hang low feeling a bit feeling ashamed your eyes were looking at the valley that divided both of his muscular pecs.

“That’s not possible…” He says while taking your chin in between his index finger and thumb. “Because I love you, so much Y/N.”

"Will ya do me the biggest honor in the world and accept to go out on a date wit me?” He asks taking your tiny hands in his huge ones.

At this point you were practically spewing with happiness, Finn Balor. The most attractive man on the WWE Roster, at least in your opinion, had asked you on a date

"Yes, Yes Finn.” You say with a ginormous smile forming across your face.

Finn smiles as well and his hands gently trail down to your waist pulling you back into his embrace. You stared into his bright blue orbs as he cupped your face with one hand pulling you in for one more kiss. This time you kissed back, you hooked your arms under his arms bringing your hands to his shoulders.

Finn’s touch sent waves of electricity through your body, you felt as if your whole body went numb. Even the pain in your head was going numb.

Finn pulled away looking you right in your eyes.

Now lets go figure out who did this ta ya.” He smirks devilishly.

[imagineall-the-fandoms]

#58- “I’ve been in love with you my entire life. Ever since the first day I met you.” Prompt

From @wweismyguiltypleasure - “And 58 with Corey Graves.”

TAG LIST!- @allgirlswrestlingclub @ilovesamizaynn 

Corey fricken Graves.

That’s all I ever heard about when I debuted. How I was the female Corey Graves. Tattoos all over, the “I don’t give a shit” attitude, the heel persona. Even the announcers would say it! It didn’t help that we were both from Pittsburgh either. The only upside was that by the time I had debuted, Corey was put on the shelf and became a commentator for NXT and Raw. I mean I did watch his matches, he was damn good, and its a shame he got injured so early in his career. But when I debuted, I swear when I got to the top of the ramp, I snuck a glance over at him and felt my heart stop. I tried to ignore the feeling and blamed it on my nerves for my first match.

Well, this feeling continued each time I had a match. The quick glance over at him had me feeling some time of way. When I earned my title opportunity, I found myself going to him for advice.

   “Graves, can I talk to you for a sec?”

 He puts down his papers and looks at me, somewhat annoyed. His eyes lock on mine and I feel the the world around me stops. This is the first time I truly get to see his face, and those gorgeous eyes. I quickly regain myself.

   “I-I just need some advice. I mean you know I have my first title shot tonight and I just need some last minute advice. You were a champ and a damn good one at that, so I would really appreciate it.”

I start picking my at my nails, a nasty habit I have when I get nervous. He glances down at my hand and takes it in his. I feel the heat rush through my body. I’m surprised I am even still standing up right.

   “Listen Y/n, you know better than anyone that you have what it takes to win. Don’t get inside your head. Let the magic happen. Watching you these past few months in the ring, I really do see why you get called the female version of me. Now you have seen I did with my opportunity, do the same with yours. Go kick some ass out there.”

He smiles at me and pats my hand before grabbing his papers and heading off to the commentators table. I stand there in awe. The music indicating the start of the Takeover shakes me out of my fog. 

1,2, 3! *Ding Ding*

   “Here’s your winner and NEW NXT Women’s Champion, Y/n!!!”

The crowd goes wild as I clutch the title in my hands. I fall to my knees and let all the tears fall from my eyes. I look up smiling and over the roar of the crowd, I hear Corey on commentary.

   “Tom, Y/n has just ended Askua’s year long streak!! This right here is the future of the women’s division!” 

I stand up slowly, having the ref help me, and raise my title over my head. I steady myself and the ref lets me go to check on Askua. I spin around to show my love to my NXT universe. When I turn to face the ramp, I see Tom and Corey standing up, clapping. And I swear, I saw a tear fall from Corey’s eyes, but it’s too far away for me to truly tell.

The next week on NXT, I sit down for my interview with Corey, about becoming the new champion.

   “Please welcome my guest at this time, the new NXT Women’s Champion, Y/n. Y/n thanks for coming.”

   “Thanks for having me Corey.”

   “Now last week, we saw you take down the longest raining NXT Women’s Champ, Askua. How did it feel to win your first title from, if I am not mistaken, one of, if not the best women wrestlers we have ever seen.”

   “Oh, it was my hardest match to date. I’m banged up, I’m bruised, but I put up one hell of a fight. I take nothing away from Askua, she is a damn good wrestler. I mean her executions and transitions are flawless. I watched and studied her matches to try and prepare myself.”

   “Are you prepared for when Askua comes for her rematch for the title?”

   “I say bring it on. We stole the show at Takeover: San Antonio, and we can do it again. She names the time and place and I am ready.”

   “You sound pretty confident you can beat her again.”

   “Oh, I know I can. I am the first woman to beat her cleanly. No DQ’s, no count-outs, nothing. It was me. And why shouldn’t I be confident? I got some advice from a vet before my match. He said “Listen Y/n, you know better than anyone that you have what it takes to win. Don’t get inside your head. Let the magic happen.” and I took that advice to heart.”

   “There you have it, a very confident champ looking forward to her rematch with the Empress of Tomorrow, Askua,”

When the camera cuts, Corey leans over and smiles.

   “I wonder who gave you that advice?”

I let out a small laugh and lean toward him.

   “This vet who I really like, and gets me. Corey, I have been in love with you my entire life. Ever since the first day I met you. Now I know I haven’t known you my entire life, but I feel like I have. And I know you may not like me back-”

I am cut off by Corey’s lip on mine. The kiss is short, simple, but filled with so much passion. I pull away from Corey’s lips slowly, smiling slightly.

   “I take that as you love me back?”

He smirks and pulls me back in for another kiss, smiling against my lips.

Ello!

So here is my 1st Corey Graves fic!! I absolutely loved writing this one. Being from Pittsburgh, I always will have a soft spot for Corey Graves and I really wanted this to be real lol.

Again, I just want to say that I am so thankful for all of you guys, my followers, and people who just like or even read my work. As a writer, it means the world to me and hope you all know that <3

So back to the task at hand. For the Prompts: WWE- give me a wrestler and a number and anything you want included and I will do it (unless the number has already been taken). Writing- Give me any character, any fandom, number and whatever you would like in it (unless the number is already taken). Inbox, or message me your ideas. I would love to hear them :)

I also want to point out that these prompt lists are not my original and I did reblog them from other people.

If anyone wants tagged in any upcoming drabble, please let me know! Even if you didn’t see them on the previous list, just let me know the superstar and i’ll let you know if I have one lined up for them. Also, should I start calling these imagines?? Or stick to drabbles? Please, Please let me know!

Feel free to talk to me too! I love a good conversation and I love meeting new people!

See you guys very soon for the next drabble/imagine!

Ciao loves <333

[placetobenation]

As many of you are aware, WWE Network is pretty packed with all sorts of content. And as you may also know, we here at Place to Be Nation love long term, in depth projects. So, as part of this initiative, members of the PTBN Staff are choosing programs that coincide with this week in history and after watching each program, they will share their thoughts, notes and recommendations with our readers. So, settle in and enjoy this epic ride through wrestling history!

Show: Black Saturday 7/14/84

Best Segment:

Dave Hall:  Paul Orndorff’s interview. This was the only segment that had any life or interest. Orndorff spoke well, and with conviction. His comments about Mean Gene being bald and women leaving their husbands when they see him made me sit up and take notice. Thank You “Mr Wonderful” for a wonderful interview.

Calum McDougall: Definitely the opening to the show. You get the classic Worldwide theme and then in walks Vince McMahon. The visual of Vince talking whilst the words “World Championship Wrestling” are in big bold letters behind him was a surreal sight, I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like for the Georgia Championship Wrestling diehards back in the day.

Jacob Williams: Just for historical reasons, Vince’s opening was best. It was the most interesting part of the entire show.

Steve Riddle: To me, this was pretty obvious and that is Vince McMahon walking into the studio and standing in front of the “World Championship Wrestling” sign. This was a huge move for Vince to obtain the timeslot on TBS to balance what he had on USA at the time, but it came with such a huge backlash as Georgia Championship Wrestling loyalists were not happy about this. It would end up leading to Ted Turner bringing in Bill Watts so he could get rid of Vince and that would ultimately lead to the long war between Vince and Ted that would peak during the 1990s and the Monday Night War.

Brian Bayless: Nothing on this show was good but because it was surreal and historic, the opening with Freddie Miller in the TBS Studios cutting it over to Vince McMahon so he could shock the world and introduce WWF in this time slot.

Best Match:

Dave Hall: NONE of them… but if pushed Adrian Adonis & Dick Murdoch vs SD Jones & Nick DeCarlo

Every match on this show sucked. This one just sucked the least. At least in this match SD Jones and DeCarlo got some offense in, and looked slightly dangerous at times. Adonis actually looked like he was starting to put on his weight, but he and Murdoch sold well for Jones and DeCarlo. Their finisher looked absolutely brutal: an early version of the Doomsday Device, and they looked like the killed DeCarlo with it. The best of a sorry bunch of jobber matches.

Calum McDougall: The tag team title match was fun. It was cool to see the Adonis and Murdoch team, and it was in front of a crowd who were totally into it which helps my enjoyment of any match, a hot crowd can turn an average match into a good one. The finish of the match was pretty cool because it had the sense of danger about it, Tony Garea wasn’t lying when he said he could broken his neck!

Jacob Williams: Adonis and Murdoch in a solid enhancement tag opener against SD Jones and Nick DeCarlo was enough to take it on this show. Adonis did some fun bumping for the faces, who got a nice bit of offense in. We even got a double team finisher, which is a cool surprise in 1984. I’m not gonna file this one as a hidden gem or anything, as it was more of a winner by default compared to the rest of the show.

Steve Riddle: This was a show with some pretty slim pickings in terms of the matches, but I will end up going with the Studd/Brazil match with the tag match a close second. Considering where he was in his career at this point, Brazil still looked somewhat good in terms of his look and Studd was about to hit probably the peak of his career at this point, and they had a decent match here with Brazil actually getting some offense in before putting Studd over strong. This was a solid win for Studd over a legendary name which makes sense considering what was coming for him later in the year.

Brian Bayless: The wrestling was terrible but since it was short and at the time he was excellent in the ring I’d go with Iron Sheik squashing Ron Hutchinson. It also had the most heat on the show.

Most Cringeworthy Moment:

Dave Hall: Alexis Smirnoff’s interview. This was possibly one of the worst interviews I have ever saw. One criticism of the modern product is that wrestlers have to learn scripts for their promos. Well this felt like Smirnoff was reading cue cards or had memorised words. There was no charisma, no feeling, and no interest. It was dull as dull could be. I don’t think he even said anything worth remembering. And to top it off, I didn’t even realise he was a part of the company at any stage, so this must have been his “cup of tea” in the big time.

Calum McDougall: I was cringing at the Brian Blair interview, he just kept going around in circles and the poor guy had to get brought back on track by Mean Gene. It highlighted why Gene was such a good interviewer more than Blair as a wrestler which wasn’t really the point of the interview.

Jacob Williams: Every time Vince was on screen hyping the new WWF overlords to the Georgia fans, things felt real weird, and he even looked uncomfortable, like he knew deep down that this would be a tough sell. 

Steve Riddle: Considering they already had an evil Russian in Nikolai Volkoff, I have no idea why they decided to push Alexis Smirnoff as he looked like nothing more than a cheap knockoff of Ivan Koloff. An honorable mention here is how cringed the fans of Georgia Championship Wrestling must’ve felt when they turned on their TV and saw Vince McMahon on their show.

Brian Bayless: The Alexis Smirnoff interview was just embarrassing and why did they even have him speak or give time to begin with seeing how he was not being featured on TV?

Funniest Line/Moment: 

Dave Hall: Paul Orndorff takes the award this week with his line “When I come on the screen the divorce rate goes up as women leave their husbands.  It was original, funny, and stood out. That’s all that needs to be said

Calum McDougall: Alexis Smirnoff’s accent was hilariously bad. His Russian sounded more Scottish in some point than my accent does! It actually sounded like an impression of me doing a Russian accent, it was just awful.

Jacob Williams: Alexis Smirnoff told Gene he would use the power of “cossack,” whatever that might be.

Steve Riddle: Anytime the Iron Sheik gets a microphone, he is always memorable as he proclaims Iran is the best and calls out Sgt. Slaughter who he was in the midst of a hot feud with. An honorable mention to the random fan audibly calling Big John Studd “chicken” when he was stalling on the outside.

Brian Bayless: Sheik calling out Slaughter after his win and saying he was a “fat soldier” drew a slight chuckle from me.

Highlights:

Dave Hall: I am not sure there are any.  The only highlight was Mr Wonderful’s interview, which ended up being the only segment of interest on the entire program. I did enjoy seeing Jesse “The Body” Ventura in the ring, but that is about it.

Calum McDougall: Vince McMahon calling a double team move a “Double Elbow Butt”, you can see why he just called them all manoeuvres after a while. Gene being an absolute trooper when he talks about the “best in the world are in the WWF” and then bringing out Brian Blair with a completely straight face. Anytime the Iron Sheik has the microphone is going to be a highlight and just repeatedly going “Iran Number One! Where’s that fat soldier?!” is just peak Sheik.

Jacob Williams: Obviously seeing the Vince opening in its original form was a fantastic piece of wrestling history. Since the matches were pretty poor, even by early 80s TV standards, the promos, while not great themselves, were really the only other highlight. Gene usually does a great job making backstage segments at least fun. I enjoyed hearing Tony Garea sound like a Robin Williams character on commentary. Gorilla calling a Jesse match is cool to look back on. Like I mentioned in Best Match, not a lot of in ring highlights outside of the tag. 

Steve Riddle: Cheesy 80s opening; The time when house shows were treated with importance; Adonis and Murdoch were such an underrated team; Interesting spot for the WWF magazine; Always funny seeing Freddie Blassie with a turban on his head and claiming to be an “Ayatollah”, Sheik making quick work of a ham-and-egger is always fun to see; Bobo Brazil looked fairly decent at this point in his career though it was weird hearing of a potential comeback; Studd was looking at his peak by this point and Brazil does the right thing putting him over; Vince was a pretty good play-by-play commentator during the 80s before he became bombastic in the 90s; It was a bit strange that this debut show was mainly a showcase for heels as there were no faces highlighted at all; Paul Orndorff was at his arrogant best here as he was clearly being groomed for a big run

Brian Bayless: This show was awful from top to bottom and only has value for historical purposes.

Lowlights:

Dave Hall: The entire show sucked dirt. While it was nice to see Jesse in the ring, the match was horrid. The Iron Shiek’s squash was so fast I am not sure it warranted being a squash match. Big John Studd’s “bearhug” nearly put me to sleep in his match against Bobo Brazil, which was probably the worst of the lot.  Mr Fuji and George The Animal Steele was aweful, and Vince’s monotonous repition of the same line began to drive me mad.

Calum McDougall: I never like Mean Gene on commentary, he’s obviously one of the best backstage but I don’t particularly like him behind the table. The Jesse Ventura match was a bucketful of awful, the only thing that was gained out of this was that I learned the name of a player on the 1984 Vikings team. Studd/Brazil is not what you want to be putting on a show to highlight the best of your promotion. And you’re debuting in a new and prominent timeslot, so why oh why are Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant or Roddy Piper nowhere to be seen?!

Jacob Williams: The vast majority of the matches, the bulk of the show, were just plain dull. Jesse is notoriously lacking as a wrestler. It was extremely disappointed to not have any strong babyface presence on this show, especially when they introduce this to potential new fans. How do not at least put some kind of Hogan promo on this show so the audience has someone to root for? 

Steve Riddle: Making the offering a highlight show instead of featuring original matches in its debut episode; Always funny to see S.D. Jones built up like a big deal when he was just a jobber; Tony Garea was about as bland a color commentator as you could get; It’s a good thing Jesse was such a great talker and was able to transition into being a commentator because he wasn’t a good wrestler; Alexis Smirnoff; the jobber Sheik faces looked like he just came out of a high school gym

Brian Bayless: Where to begin. First off, the matches were not in studio but rather from house shows and TV tapings. The talent given promo time never should have been allowed to speak to a new audience. The action was awful and I cannot imagine a match in 1984 worse than Bobo Brazil vs. Big John Studd. Why not give a video package on some of the hot angles and big stars instead of these bad matches and interviews? Also, at the beginning, notice how much of a point Vince made it to tell the audience how big and jacked the wrestlers were as a selling point for the show. Not every fan is obsessed with physiques like Vince.

Wild Card Baby!

Dave Hall: Classic Commentary Award: Vince McMahon’s repetition in his introductory segments really began to wear thin. For a man who had fronted WWF programming since the 1970s, he seemed to only know two lines in this show: “Coming up next” and “And then from there”. I always enjoyed Vince on WWf Superstars as I was growing up, but on his own as a host he was unbearable, and I sure hope the production crew gave him some more lines before the next time he fronted the camera.  At least we didn’t get “What a maneuver”.

Calum McDougall: Most Colorful Hair: Jesse Ventura’s half-Steve Austin, half-Asuka effort was a sight to behold. This was maybe the time for The Body to embrace the bald.

Jacob Williams: Most Complete Form Possible: Some audio difficulties during one of Vince’s segments made his voice sound demonic like a Chicago record played in reverse. Given the situation, maybe its symbolic?

Steve Riddle: Random Commentator Appearance: I cannot ever remember a more random guy to use as a color commentator than Tony Garea as he was not good in that role, and he was more suited to be the wrestler he was at the time and that is putting guys over in the ring.

Brian Bayless: Best Tidbit: In 1984, Georgia Championship Wrestling occupied this exact timeslot on WTBS. Vince bought the stock of the company from the Brisco Brothers (Jack & Gerald). In fact, the Brisco’s briefly teamed together in WWF later in the year. On this date, many fans tuned in expecting their regular NWA action but were shocked when Vince McMahon and his WWF showed up on the screen. Viewers were largely unhappy and I believe around 500 called into WTBS and complained. This was a major move in Vince’s plan to make the WWF a national promotion. In the end, the move to WBTS failed and several months later, NWA programming returned to that timeslot.

Final Thoughts:

Dave Hall: This was the first time I had ever seen this show, as it was not part of what was shown in Australia as I grew up. I was not sure what to expect. I had heard that when it aired that there was a lot of outrage. Now I know why. Vince starts the show by promising the best wrestling action, and then delivers four horrible squash matches and some very bad interviews. I am certain that the viewers at the time were probably seeing Ric Flair master class interviews each week, and then they get Alexis Smirnoff and George Steele. I was nearly ready to write to WWF and complain about this show, and it has been over 30 years since it aired. If you are thinking of checking it out… DON’T.  The 1 point is for Paul Orndorff’s interview. Everything else should be burned and never shown again. 1/10

Calum McDougall: This show is an interesting one because of the historical context of it. I can only imagine what it was like to turn on the TV at 6:05 and see Vince McMahon’s face. It started off well with the Tag Title match and was pretty inoffensive for the most part but you have the Fuji/George Steele segment, and a Big John Studd v Bobo Brazil match and then you realised you’re not in Kansas anymore. It wasn’t a bad show but it’s must have been half a world away from what had been on the week before. Grade 4.5/10

Jacob Williams: After the novelty of the opening segment of Vince introducing the takeover, this just felt like a bunch of stuff haphazardly thrown together. I usually really enjoy wrestling television of this era, but nothing on this show felt like it mattered or even did a good job of pushing the trademark WWF characters to a new audience. I can’t even imagine the reaction of southern fans who were likely predisposed to disliking the WWF in this situation. This debut gave a good indicator of why the ratings tanked, and the program didn’t last. Grade 3/10

Steve Riddle: Overall, this ended up being a pretty bland show in terms of a match perspective, but it was clearly a very historic show in terms of what it would lead to. This was a shrewd move by Vince to take the timeslot on TBS to go with his syndicated shows on USA, but it ultimately didn’t take off like he thought as the fans were furious with this move. Not to mention how upset Ted Turner was which led to him bringing in Jim Crockett Promotions to take the spot from Vince, and that would lead to the long war between Vince and Turner that escalated during the 1990s. While this experiment for the WWF was a failure in the end, it was still a very historical moment in wrestling history even though the show itself was fairly below average. Grade: 3.5/10

Brian Bayless: This was about as bad as it gets in terms of introducing a product to a new audience. The top talents were not featured and they gave a new audience a “B” show filled with terrible action and interviews and by first glance seems like Vince was more set on buying out his competition rather than put out a quality product for this timeslot. Only has value for historical purposes. Grade: 2/10

[rawiswhore]

Charles Robinson x Fem Reader- "Here's To You, Mr. Robinson"

Yes, this fanfic is about wrestling referee Charles Robinson.

A little something for his birthday today!

_____________________________________________________________

We all know several sports always have cheerleaders, usually and almost always female, cheering for players: football and basketball are both examples.

There's debates over whether or not if professional wrestling is a sport, but you could say wrestling does have their own answers to cheerleaders, and it isn't the Nitro Girls in WCW or women doing wrestling matches dressed as cheerleaders.

No, arguably the wrestling equivalent to cheerleaders are valets: usually beautiful women who will cheer for some wrestler and beat their hands on the ring.

There won't be a bunch of valets all together like cheerleaders, but some wrestler will have a valet escorting him to the ring where she watches the match and sometimes even eggs that wrestler to beat that other wrestler up.

Sometimes, valets even interfere with the match.

Most referees out there aren't very handsome, but one male wrestling referee that is surprisingly quite cute is Charles Robinson.

And no, he isn't some wrestler that will sometimes be a referee like Shawn Michaels, Triple H or Randy Orton, he is an actual referee.

And one that's nice to look at to boot.

In 2003, when you were the valet that helped escort Triple H to the ring, you were standing by the ring on a "Monday Night Raw" episode, cheering Triple H on whilst he beat the crap out of someone.

You had some anxiety while you were cheering Trips on, afraid that he or the other wrestler he's fighting against will step on your fingers while you beat your hands on the ring.

Though, you aren't just there to cheer for Triple H.

Charles Robinson just so happened to be a referee during this match, and he is a cute referee.

Most of women's roles during the "divas era" were for them to be valets and arm candy escorting some wrestler to the ring, and worse, not just that, but be eye candy as well as play the roles of seductive vixens and their relationships with men.

Despite that, you came up with your seductive, sex obsessed nymphomaniac slut character that you'll always be remembered for, though you probably would've been given that character by the WWF/E creative staff because Attitude and Ruthless Aggression era, where women were usually treated as eye candy sex objects.

Sometimes, female valets would interfere with the match by flashing their tits (Debra) or distracting and/or flirting with a wrestler or a referee, or even both, and Charles Robinson is a referee you would gladly flirt with.

You slowly sauntered towards Charles with this little smirk on your face like you were up to no good, and Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross on commentary as well as the audience caught you strolling up to Charles.

This got the audience as well as Jerry Lawler's attention, now focusing more on you instead of the match.

Jerry chirped and shrieked when you walked up Charles, guessing what's probably gonna happen.

The camera was now filming you walking to Charles instead of the actual wrestling match going on, much to the dismay of some people watching this on TV wanting to see the actual wrestling match.

As you walked up to him, some males in the audience were cheering for you and even making a few silly wolf whistles at you.

You were dressed in a tight blouse with a miniskirt and opened toed stiletto heels, perfect sexy outfit that still leaves much to the imagination.

Charles' eyes grew wide as you approached him, worried that you were gonna step up to him.

Oh yeah, you were.

It's obvious you were.

He's getting distracted by you even though he doesn't want to, but he can't help it.

You're a beautiful woman giving him a boner.

Once you stood close enough to Charles, despite that he isn't running away from you, you lifted one of your hands and placed your index finger on his chest, where you made that index finger run vertically up and down his chest.

He was looking down at your index finger doing this to him, your body was pressing onto the front of his body, and you still had that little naughty smirk on your face.

You lifted one of your arms and placed your forearm across the top of his shoulders and behind his neck, where your other hand on that arm played with a few strands of his hair.

Surprisingly, he isn't running away from you, but that's because you're like a succubus and you've got him under your control.

"You're really cute" you purred to him while you stood close to him, still having that naughty grin on your face.

Jerry Lawler's eyes are growing wide at the commentary table and he's shrieking his throat out, leaning over the commentary table, whereas Jim Ross is at a loss for words.

The males in the audience are jealous of Charles, but when are they never jealous of some beautiful woman with some wrestler?

Your finger on his chest eventually evolved to now your hand pressing on his chest, where your hand caressed vertically up and down his chest, basically "wax on/wax off"-ing his chest.

Charles still had his eyes wide, his head was turning left and right and even he was somewhat grinning over you doing this to him.

Your head was slightly tilted and you still had that shiteating grin plastered across your face.

"She's distracting Charles!" Jim Ross exclaimed.

The wrestler that Triple H is against with argued with Trips about this, pointing to you, only for Triple H to throw a punch to that wrestler's face.

Your hand on his chest moved down under his tucked in shirt and slid up to his chest, where your hand began caressing his chest.

Charles was trying to fight you off, his head moving back and forth and his hands pushing you away from him, your body detaching from his torso, but you still were gonna flirt and seduce him.

He can't help it, this may as well be a match where the female seduces the man and she wins when he taps out.

This is basically almost borderline rape culture, since you're trying to seduce him while he's trying to fight you off.

No matter many times he resists you, you're still gonna try to attach to him just to get Triple H to win.

You pressed your body onto Charles' torso, your leg nudged against Charles' leg, where your foot slid out of your stiletto and placed your foot on top of Charles' black leather shoe, drumming your toes across the top of his foot.

The audience must think Charles is a homosexual for not wanting you seducing him, you can just hear some dudes chanting the "f" word that rhymes with "maggot" at Charles.

Charles argued with you he has to be a referee, but no, you're gonna distract him, no matter what it takes.

He won't deny you're a beautiful woman, but damn it, this is wrong.

You could nearly grab onto his shirt and kiss him, giving him a long kiss, but nah.

Y'know, Charles could be distracted by your beauty while you beat the ring and cheer for Triple H (or someone else) and he could stroll up to you and start sweet talking and flirting with you, and that's actually happened before with you.

As you were distracting him from the match, Triple H was beating the mess out of some other wrestler, kicking that other wrestler's ass, throwing punches.

Eventually, Triple H lifted that other wrestler lying on the ring up by the arms, where he placed that wrestler's head in between his thighs while still holding onto this wrestler's arms.

The audience knows what's next...

Then, Triple H dropped this other wrestler onto the ring where Trips landed on his knees and this other wrestler rolled over, still lying on the ring.

"Pedigree!" Jim Ross exclaimed at the commentary table.

As this other wrestler lay in the ring exhausted, Triple H laid down next to him in the ring, wrapping his massive arms around that other wrestler's thigh and held onto it, lifting that leg up in the air until it was standing straight up.

Triple H's other hand moved to the ring to beat 3 times.

"3...2...1!" the audience chanted as Triple H beat the mat with his hand with every count, until the bell rang after counting.

Triple H quickly dropped the other wrestler's leg and held his arms up in victory, the chorus to his entrance theme played while the crowd had a mixture of cheers and boos in the audience.

"That's a disqualification!" Jim Ross exclaimed and argued. "She distracted Charles!"

Indeed, it was.

But...that's one of the points to a valet.

To distract the referee for the other person to win, and that isn't right.

Then again, the WWF's Attitude era was filled with disqualification matches, and 2003 is infamous in being a part of Triple H's Reign of Terror.

Charles Robinson as well as the wrestler that Triple H beat were arguing how it isn't fair, you distracted Charles, but Trips still won the match?

Triple H walked away holding the belt up while Lillian Garcia announced how Trips is the winner, and he walked back with you wrapped on the side of him grinning from ear to ear like you did something naughty, and you did.

Charles and that wrestler that lost to Triple H are mad how you distracted Robinson to win the match, but Triple H isn't mad that you flirted with Charles and basically cheated on him?

Then again, your character is sexually promiscuous and seduces and flirts with other wrestlers...

[omegatheunknown]

AEW Fight for the Fallen

A slightly frustrating night for the nascent promotion nonetheless featured plenty of quality wrestling and serves as a decent ‘go-home show’ for August’s All Out. 

- All Out loomed pretty large over the entire card, even before the show -- Page and Omega both faced roadblocks en-route to the bigger show, Bucks/Rhodes brothers against brothers was built mostly on a few jokes on BTE -- but the promises made for August were all tantalizing. - Really liked the venue, amphitheater style seating and open air is a novelty I’d like to see more of,  the entrance ramp level with the ring paid off a few times. Wondering if they’ll adopt a more ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach for TV, but it’s been interesting noticing the tweaks to production. Entrance music still needs to be turned up on the feed. - End of the show was unnecessarily awkward and probably didn’t need to be part of the broadcast, which apparently confused Cody/Kenny/Everybody in the ring... Obviously that’s one of the things to take a look at when they’re debriefing. - Aubrey Edwards had herself a night, love how she gets between the wrestlers and doesn’t stand in the corner wishing she could do something. - Way too much ‘A-E-Dub’ chanting. Cheer the wrestlers. Boo the heels. *Pre-Card Sonny Kiss v The Librarian Peter Avalon (**1/2) - Maybe it’s because Avalon’s a little better in the ring than his counterpart, but this was the first time the Librarians have clicked properly -- the crowd is more than ready to pump up anyone who can knock these heaters around, and Sonny Kiss took the opportunity and ran. He was non-stop impressive from entrance to pinfall and the crowd ate it up.  Dr Britt Baker DMD & Riho v Shoko Nakajima & Bea Priestley (**) - Britt and Bea have shared the ring exactly once before, Shoko and Riho have a handful of matches together per Cagematch, and chemistry failed to find a spark in a lot of this match, which was fun enough but didn’t showcase any of the competitors at their best. The crowd was hot for Bea, and she’s been having some good matches in STARD✪M, but this was not peak-Priestley. I was excited to see Shoko, since tiny wrestlers with furry tails are my fave, but only Riho looked the part tonight. - Bea clocked Britt pretty good at one point, speculation is that’s part of why the good Doctor attempted to tag in Shoko. Kinda sums up the match. *Main-Card MJF, Sammy Guevara and Shawn Spears v Darby Allin, Jimmy Havoc and Joey Janela (***) - As far as multi-man schmozz curtain-jerkers go, this was a fun to-do. Darby Allin’s so fluid and speedy -- could do with more converted skateboarders in the squared circle. - I do think it’s odd to see MJF teaming with Shawn Spears, but I guess if it’s against Team Loveable Scuz, it’s for the greater good. The greater good. - Looks like Spears is indeed first up for a push, which sorta follows, other than Havoc, everyone else in this match is a sassy small child. Brandi Rhodes v Allie (dud) - I really feel for Allie, she’s not a world-beater or anything but she’s a good wrestler with a fun persona that you’ve got to imagine they’d like to get over, and now she’s been in the two worst matches of the last two shows. Brandi’s been trying to make being a wrestler work for a couple years, she’s got the drive and ambition but it’s not really coming along, I don’t know if it’s a lack of reps or what. This was a slow, sloppy, lifeless slog to the point that the best parts were the camera cutaways to Awesome Kong and Aja’s entrance. - Decently excited for Kong v Kong, less so for commentary tying themselves into knots during. A Boy and His Dinosaur v The Dark Order v Los Gueros Del Cielo (***1/2) - Another stupid ‘two in’ three-way match, this felt like it was headed for disaster until about halfway through and it devolved into a lucha-style tag match, and then it was a cooker. - Jungle Boy and Luchasaurus pulled off a string of the wildest tag team maneuvers of the night. Worth pointing out that The Young Bucks and Lucha Bros also worked this show. Both are improving show after show, the dinosaur still isn’t much for selling, but they’re getting over in a big way. - Jack Evans routinely leaves me amazed that he hasn’t had a higher-profile career, his small size and somewhat looser style accounts for some of it, but maybe he’s just made some odd choices along the way. Awesome he’s here now. - The Dark Order are assuredly the baddies, but the crowd seemed actively disinterested at times. Not sure what to make of that. Hangman Adam Pages v Kip Sabian (**1/2) - Sabian appeared to give Page a decent test on the road to Jericho, not quite a star-making turn but I liked what we saw of Sabian’s crowd-work. Seeds of doubt as to the outcome only really pointed toward ‘time limit draw.’ - Is it unreasonable to ask Commentary to be wise to the fact that the goth dad version of Jericho is literally always pulling shit like this, and to jump to conclusions at the point of that stiff as hell single-leg codebreaker? - Heel Jericho’s ironic reliance on cheap heat does not get old. He’s the greatest. Lucha Bros v SCU (***) - The SCU entrance is beautifully canned in the tradition of so many beautifully canned entrance schticks. Viva SCU. Pentagon and Fenix are Ant Samurai now, so watch out for that. - Solid as ever, given the participants, the main issue here is that this fracas was not super memorable, my main takeaway is that we’re headed toward a ladder war between the Bucks and Lucha Bros. (!!!) CIMA v Kenny Omega (****) - Kenny Omega lives. Granted, he’s barely worked since Wrestle Kingdom, but it’s nice to see him go all-out and look like one of the greatest in the world for the first time this year.  - CIMA’s an awesome opponent for Omega, they seem to operate on similar wavelengths, even their theatricality is similar. - So. Many. Knees. How on earth has CIMA been hitting meteora after meteora for decades? V-Trigger spam was in full, glorious effect. - Uhhh, that one spot, with the meteora onto the little timekeeper table. What in the fuck. The Young Bucks v Brotherhood (***1/2) - Finding a working pace between these two teams was going to be difficult, though Cody’s really been pulling his weight lately and this was no exception, and Dustin is as fluid and dogged as he’s ever been. The Rhodes boys really went for it here, and the clash of styles was definitely rewarding in parts, even as the pace jerked back and forth. - Without much of a story to tell, Cody is sapped of his unique talents as a wrestler. Looking forward to what he can put together when Spears comes knocking down his door again. - The Bucks don’t necessarily need to be telling much of a story but it would’ve helped this match to greatness. It is totally possible these teams could have had a classic. Maybe another time.

[flauntpage]

Matt Hardy Sparked a Wrestling Revolution, and His Body Shows the Toll

A couple months ago, Matt Hardy started breaking character on his Twitter feed. The odd cadence of his Woken (formerly Broken) Matt Hardy character sometimes disappeared from his tweets. In its place were old photos, distinguished from the periodic early Hardys material he’d tweet out by their lack of captions.

They were poignant. He and his brother, Jeff, backstage at WWF events as young men. Collages of Make-a-Wish encounters. Old wrestlers, some sadly departed. Family and indie gigs. All of them without words, leaving no ability to contextualize them from the outside, beyond what we already know about the journey of the Hardy Boyz from North Carolina spot monkeys to one of the most successful tag teams of the modern era.

This kind of mute introspection makes it seem like Matt Hardy may be retiring, and soon. A tweet sent out August 4 seems to indicate he can’t go anymore. It’s a GIF of him delivering a flying leg drop to a prone wrestler, while Jeff simultaneously dives onto the hapless victim. The Event Omega is the name.

It’s also, Matt tweets, the move most culpable for his spine and pelvis fusing together at age 43.

A fused spine in your early 40s is testament to just how grueling this “fake sport” can be. This is crucially so in the case of the Hardys. They came along fully after the death of the territories. Their charted career path, from tiny indies to making their own small promotion, OMEGA, to the WWF was rare back then. The increasingly trite observation made by current WWE heels that having once wrestled in bingo halls makes beloved babyfaces like Daniel Bryan suspect would’ve found some purchase in 1997, but not much. The wrestling landscape was different, both more and less monolithic than now.

Matt and Jeff Hardy brought a daredevil style with them which was at the forefront of changing pro wrestling tastes. People didn’t do what the Hardys did, but once the Hardys were in front of millions of people every Monday night, they had to start. But here’s the terrible lesson: just as the Hardys were at the bleeding edge of popularizing an impossibly risky style, Matt Hardy is at the forefront of displaying the toll of wrestling like he wrestled for more than 20 years.

The old-timers will tell you the same cranky thing, that the style of wrestling which preceded the late 90s WWF/WCW/ECW boom was slow for a reason: you could not do the dives, broken tables, and all the rest night after night. You have to go more slowly, or you’re doomed. You won’t make it.

Matt Hardy had his share of injuries, but nothing that would foreshadow the spinal injury. The injury which will end his career, whether that’s imminent or not, is the one in the GIF, the one which didn’t put him on a shelf but which he did over and over, 220 odd pounds flying up and then down to a sudden thud of pelvis slamming against vertebrae.

He did it willingly, enthusiastically. Because, my goodness, he was brilliant at pro wrestling. Jeff was an even bigger risk-taker, and had the benefit of being a little more traditionally good-looking. He was the star, a world champion years before Matt.

But Matt had the brain for the business. He had to, with Jeff inevitably creeping toward superstardom by the mid-2000s. He reinvented himself, over and over. Matt Hardy Version 1.0, where he harnessed the internet as a means of putting himself over. The way he swallowed the indignity of his very real life girlfriend, Lita, leaving him for his very real life friend, Edge, to make fodder for one of the hottest, most uncomfortable angles of that era; to this day I still don’t know what of the aftermath outside the ring was real and what wasn’t. And then the Broken gimmick.

The Broken gimmick was and is brilliant, the pro wrestling version of the bonk on the head gag of yesteryear’s cartoons. It nearly revitalized TNA/Impact Wrestling on its own, an archly ironic, multi-year storyline which was delivered with stony-faced seriousness by everyone involved. The combo was intoxicating and relentlessly fun.

That was Matt’s baby, the one which allowed him to eclipse his brother in the esteem of the general wrestling public. He was a troubled genius who had finally fixed things. He was namedropped on Stone Cold Steve Austin’s podcast as a guy who’d figured out how to make a hot angle away from the glare of WWE, a shot of warning as the tandem indie/NJPW snowball began to run away down the hill. There were rumors of bigger things than TNA, even as he and Jeff entered a bitter legal battle with GFW/Impact over who owned the rights to the Broken gimmick.

Best of all, he was finally clean, with a beautiful family front and center in his manic public image. Not for nothing did the Broken vignettes center on the family estate out on his dad’s old tobacco field in Cameron, NC; it was a testament to where he came from and how much he’d gained via the craziness of his and Jeff’s particular brand of pro wrestling.

He and Jeff returned to WWE, of course, to one of the loudest pops any of us have heard in years. The translated Broken gimmick—he’s Woken Matt Hardy now—hasn’t hit the heights it did in TNA, mostly due to commentary treating it as a joke (for a corollary, imagine Michael Cole snickering whenever The Undertaker shows up and see how good a career the icon would have) and his pairing with heat vampire, Bray Wyatt. But he seems, at last, happy and content, doing a final, extended roadshow to wind things down to a life in his mansion with his family.

Jeff will go another few years, though he seems awfully beat up, too. But the curtain is inexorably closing on Matt’s career. It feels as though you can only fully appreciate him in retrospect, by seeing his constantly evolving personas as presaging broader pro wrestling trends—he’s one of the rare wrestlers who knows what we want before we do. Soon, appreciation in retrospect will be all that we have, and he will be terribly missed when he finally returns to Cameron.

Matt Hardy Sparked a Wrestling Revolution, and His Body Shows the Toll published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[amtushinfosolutionspage]

Matt Hardy Sparked a Wrestling Revolution, and His Body Shows the Toll

A couple months ago, Matt Hardy started breaking character on his Twitter feed. The odd cadence of his Woken (formerly Broken) Matt Hardy character sometimes disappeared from his tweets. In its place were old photos, distinguished from the periodic early Hardys material he’d tweet out by their lack of captions.

They were poignant. He and his brother, Jeff, backstage at WWF events as young men. Collages of Make-a-Wish encounters. Old wrestlers, some sadly departed. Family and indie gigs. All of them without words, leaving no ability to contextualize them from the outside, beyond what we already know about the journey of the Hardy Boyz from North Carolina spot monkeys to one of the most successful tag teams of the modern era.

This kind of mute introspection makes it seem like Matt Hardy may be retiring, and soon. A tweet sent out August 4 seems to indicate he can’t go anymore. It’s a GIF of him delivering a flying leg drop to a prone wrestler, while Jeff simultaneously dives onto the hapless victim. The Event Omega is the name.

It’s also, Matt tweets, the move most culpable for his spine and pelvis fusing together at age 43.

A fused spine in your early 40s is testament to just how grueling this “fake sport” can be. This is crucially so in the case of the Hardys. They came along fully after the death of the territories. Their charted career path, from tiny indies to making their own small promotion, OMEGA, to the WWF was rare back then. The increasingly trite observation made by current WWE heels that having once wrestled in bingo halls makes beloved babyfaces like Daniel Bryan suspect would’ve found some purchase in 1997, but not much. The wrestling landscape was different, both more and less monolithic than now.

Matt and Jeff Hardy brought a daredevil style with them which was at the forefront of changing pro wrestling tastes. People didn’t do what the Hardys did, but once the Hardys were in front of millions of people every Monday night, they had to start. But here’s the terrible lesson: just as the Hardys were at the bleeding edge of popularizing an impossibly risky style, Matt Hardy is at the forefront of displaying the toll of wrestling like he wrestled for more than 20 years.

The old-timers will tell you the same cranky thing, that the style of wrestling which preceded the late 90s WWF/WCW/ECW boom was slow for a reason: you could not do the dives, broken tables, and all the rest night after night. You have to go more slowly, or you’re doomed. You won’t make it.

Matt Hardy had his share of injuries, but nothing that would foreshadow the spinal injury. The injury which will end his career, whether that’s imminent or not, is the one in the GIF, the one which didn’t put him on a shelf but which he did over and over, 220 odd pounds flying up and then down to a sudden thud of pelvis slamming against vertebrae.

He did it willingly, enthusiastically. Because, my goodness, he was brilliant at pro wrestling. Jeff was an even bigger risk-taker, and had the benefit of being a little more traditionally good-looking. He was the star, a world champion years before Matt.

But Matt had the brain for the business. He had to, with Jeff inevitably creeping toward superstardom by the mid-2000s. He reinvented himself, over and over. Matt Hardy Version 1.0, where he harnessed the internet as a means of putting himself over. The way he swallowed the indignity of his very real life girlfriend, Lita, leaving him for his very real life friend, Edge, to make fodder for one of the hottest, most uncomfortable angles of that era; to this day I still don’t know what of the aftermath outside the ring was real and what wasn’t. And then the Broken gimmick.

The Broken gimmick was and is brilliant, the pro wrestling version of the bonk on the head gag of yesteryear’s cartoons. It nearly revitalized TNA/Impact Wrestling on its own, an archly ironic, multi-year storyline which was delivered with stony-faced seriousness by everyone involved. The combo was intoxicating and relentlessly fun.

That was Matt’s baby, the one which allowed him to eclipse his brother in the esteem of the general wrestling public. He was a troubled genius who had finally fixed things. He was namedropped on Stone Cold Steve Austin’s podcast as a guy who’d figured out how to make a hot angle away from the glare of WWE, a shot of warning as the tandem indie/NJPW snowball began to run away down the hill. There were rumors of bigger things than TNA, even as he and Jeff entered a bitter legal battle with GFW/Impact over who owned the rights to the Broken gimmick.

Best of all, he was finally clean, with a beautiful family front and center in his manic public image. Not for nothing did the Broken vignettes center on the family estate out on his dad’s old tobacco field in Cameron, NC; it was a testament to where he came from and how much he’d gained via the craziness of his and Jeff’s particular brand of pro wrestling.

He and Jeff returned to WWE, of course, to one of the loudest pops any of us have heard in years. The translated Broken gimmick—he’s Woken Matt Hardy now—hasn’t hit the heights it did in TNA, mostly due to commentary treating it as a joke (for a corollary, imagine Michael Cole snickering whenever The Undertaker shows up and see how good a career the icon would have) and his pairing with heat vampire, Bray Wyatt. But he seems, at last, happy and content, doing a final, extended roadshow to wind things down to a life in his mansion with his family.

Jeff will go another few years, though he seems awfully beat up, too. But the curtain is inexorably closing on Matt’s career. It feels as though you can only fully appreciate him in retrospect, by seeing his constantly evolving personas as presaging broader pro wrestling trends—he’s one of the rare wrestlers who knows what we want before we do. Soon, appreciation in retrospect will be all that we have, and he will be terribly missed when he finally returns to Cameron.

Matt Hardy Sparked a Wrestling Revolution, and His Body Shows the Toll syndicated from https://australiahoverboards.wordpress.com

[rawiswhore]

Triple H, Shawn Michaels x Fem Reader- "Chain Gang"

I hope I don't offend anyone who has this disorder, but the World Wrestling Federation's Attitude era during the late 90's and early 2000's was pure histrionic personality disorder TV.

What is histrionic personality disorder?

A disorder in which people exhibit attention seeking behavior, talks dramatically with strong opinions, acting inappropriate and provocative as well as sexual, and uses appearance to gain attention.

Let's see...the World Wrestling Federation's Attitude era had the following: 2 men shedding their boxer shorts to reveal themselves in thongs, a porn star getting his penis cut off (not really, but...), 2 of the faces of the company are notorious potty mouthed trash talkers that sound like a machine gun going off when they cut promos, a sex addict revealing he lost his virginity to his sister at 8 years old as well as admitting he had sex with his sister 2 days before a therapy session, one wrestler crucifying another wrestler (albeit not on a cross), a woman falling out of the ring and having a miscarriage, a man falling off of the top of a titantron (not Owen Hart), a woman ripping the top of another woman to reveal her naked uncovered breasts, a group of people invading another wrestling company they're not a part of and blowing up CNN headquarters, that same group of people cutting a promo in blackface, an incestuous "Leave it To Beaver" parody, a man interrupting a funeral and riding on top of a casket (albeit not having sex with it), a woman flashing the audience her breasts and another woman taking her shirt off to reveal hand prints painted over her tits, as well as women wearing bikinis that left nothing to the imagination and a cross dresser who entered the ring dressed as everything from 90's shock rocker Marilyn Manson to a Christmas tree while being the sex slave to a Wendy O. Williams-lite.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg to the Attitude era.

90% of what was done in the Attitude era was not just to get with the times, but for shock value as well as to beat another wrestling company in the ratings, that other wrestling company was WCW.

Although, do you think moments like a man finding out his dinner is his pet dog, a sex addict revealing he lost his virginity to his sister, an incestuous "Leave it To Beaver" parody, and a woman having a miscarriage going to make people want to watch wrestling?

No, it initiates wrestling's bad reputation and even most of the lowest common denominator audience that wrestling's fanbase is associated with would find these things offensive and tacky.

You could also say the Attitude era is antisocial personality disorder as well as oppositional defiant disorder television since APD is about disregarding right from wrong and disregarding the feelings for others, whereas ODD involves rebelling and refusing to do rules, annoying others and being frequently angry.

And again, the Attitude era involved a man interrupting a funeral and riding a casket, that same man kidnapping and killing someone's dog and feeding it to its owner, 2 of the faces of the company are a trashtalking redneck and guido throwing insults at everyone, a psychopath who poured gasoline on people and almost killed them, a man drugging a woman and marrying her through a drivethru wedding while unconscious, a group of rebellious people bombing CNN and urinating on other people's motorcycles, a woman forced to strip and bark like a dog, and women being degraded.

Plus, the Attitude era's face of the company rebelled and tormented his boss and their most popular faction would try to annoy and piss off other people as well as refuse to follow rules.

The company called itself WWF Attitude, for fuck's sake!

The World Wrestling Federation really underwent a makeover by the end of the 1990's, becoming much more edgier, violent, sexual, shocking and adult like than the previously kid friendly cartoon WWF of yore.

In 1998, specifically near the start of the year, on a "Monday Night Raw" episode, after the audience heard a Zach De La Rocha from Rage Against the Machine knockoff ask "Are you ready?", the crowd immediately got out of their seats and loudly cheered.

As the entrance music began playing while the television screen cut between shots of the words "D Generation X" and footage of police officers running in the streets and strippers in bikinis dancing around, right after the Zach De La Rocha knockoff shouted "Break it Down!", you, Shawn Michaels and Triple H had entered and walked into the arena.

Shawn didn't have any facial hair on his face and had his long hair hanging down, not tied back in a ponytail or in little braids, Triple H, too, had his long block locks hanging down.

They were both dressed in black leather jackets with matching black pants.

You, on the other hand, were wearing a black leather bra with a matching black thong and black pleather boots that went up to your knees.

You had a leather black collar wrapped around the bottom of your neck, two thin silver chains were attached to your collar, and Triple H and Shawn were holding onto those chains with one of their hands.

The outfit you wore was the same outfit Madonna wore in a 1995 calendar.

Shawn and Triple H helped pull and escort you into the arena and to the ring, though they weren't trying to suffocate you when they pulled the chains on your collar.

The audiences eyes weren't just on Shawn Michaels and Triple H, but rather you, dressed in that black leather thong and bra.

Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross pretended to be shocked sitting at the commentary table, their eyes nearly bugging out of their sockets.

Jerry Lawler was smiling from ear to ear and shrieking his throat out over you half naked, whereas Jim was at a loss for words.

The males in the audience are getting a massive kick out of you dressed in that thong and bra, cheering even louder when you strolled to the ring, a few of them even making "wolf whistles" at you.

The camera was zooming in on your neck having a collar wrapped around it as well as thin little chains attached to it, showing the people watching it on television what you have around your neck.

Despite that you had a collar around your neck and was being pulled by chains, you weren't crawling on all fours to the ring like a dog, that would be even more degrading.

Your facial expression you had on your face wasn't like you were embarrassed, but you kept a straight, serious face, your mouth having a slight smirk on it.

You marched and strolled down that ring like you weren't nervous or embarrassed, almost walking like you were proud.

When you, Triple H and Shawn had approached the ring, you lifted one of your feet off of the floor and placed it on the trampoline, only to slide yourself under the ropes.

Triple H and Shawn followed suit, lifting their feet off of the floor and planting their feet on the trampoline.

Their fingers wrapped around and grabbed one of the upper ropes, lifting that rope over their heads and ducked their head under that rope.

You as well as Triple H and Shawn lifted your other foot off of the floor and placed it on the trampoline, lifting both of their feet as well as yours over the ropes.

Triple H and Shawn let go of the ropes, where they walked towards the middle of the ring, still holding on to the chains attached to your collar, where you walked behind Trips and Shawn, walking behind them.

When you, Shawn and Triple H stood in the middle of the ring, eventually Shawn pulled a microphone out of his pocket and turned it on by his thumb pushing the volume to the "on" switch, putting that microphone up to his lips.

"Cut the music!" Shawn shouted, to which D Generation X's entrance music stopped playing.

The camera filmed down your body, examining your body again.

"Are those chains around her neck?" Jerry Lawler asked.

Some women and teen girls in the audience are absolutely disgusted seeing you having those chains on your neck.

Shawn and Triple H proceeded to cut a promo in the ring, whereas you were looking at them both smiling and grinning at them.

Soon, you sunk yourself down until your head was in front of Triple H's crotch, you were squatting in the middle of the ring.

The camera zoomed in on you in front of Triple H's crotch as well as Triple H's hands unbuttoning his jeans, which got a massive shriek and pop from the females in the audience.

He then pulled the zipper of his jeans down, though he really wasn't gonna expose himself on television.

"She's not gonna do what I think she'll do?" Jerry asked.

Right after he said that, while you had a grin plastered to your face, you leaned into Triple H's crotch and buried your face into the fly area of his jeans, your face and mouth looked like you were giving him a blowjob.

Despite that his cock wasn't really in your mouth (though you wish it was), you were pretending to look like you really were giving him head.

This made the audience's jaws drop, their eyes bugging wide, many of the men in the audience cheering and roaring for you, some of them even wolf whistling at you.

"By Gawd!" Jim Ross said, pretending to be shocked.

Your hands grabbed onto the sides of Triple H's jeans, though you didn't pull his jeans down.

Triple H didn't have any underwear on under his jeans, so it looked like he really was getting blown.

The camera zoomed out and filmed you looking like you're giving head, showing the back of your head in front of Triple H's crotch whereas Triple H pretended to act like he was getting a blowjob, his eyes rolling around his head and leaning his head back, sometimes even moaning.

The camera filmed you from behind as well as on your sides.

You swallowed whilst pretending to suck Triple H's dick, acting like you're gulping his cum down.

The camera zoomed on the side of your neck and head while you gulped.

"I think I saw her swallow!" Shawn exclaimed, pointing to your neck, which got the people in the audience cheering for this. "You could poke an eye out with that thing and she's taking it down her throat!"

Shawn then pointed to Triple H's crotch when he mentioned how you can poke an eye out with the massive size of Triple H's penis.

Triple H's hands joined together a few inches above his crotch and formed an "x" shape at his wrists.

"Suck it!" he exclaimed, slightly thrusting his crotch forward in your face.

The audience got a massive pop from this, especially the males, getting out of their seats and cheering for Triple H shouting that, a few men's hands forming "x" shapes in front of their crotches and crotch chopping in solidarity.

Shawn has been was cornered around you and Trips, looking down at you and smiling from ear to ear.

Shawn cackled after he heard Triple H shout DX's iconic signature catchphrase, cackling like Ted Debiase Sr.'s iconic laugh.

"Maybe she can suck me off too!" Shawn stated, which got another huge pop from the audience, both male and female.

Men were roaring and cheering for Shawn whereas women were shrieking.

Triple H's eyes looked at Shawn while his mouth smirked hearing Shawn's suggestion.

"Wait a minute!" Triple H interrupted, to which his eyes turned back to you looking like you're blowing him off.

Triple H's hands separated from each other and made chopping motions at his cum gutters as they're known, his hands forming a "v" shape line this time.

Triple H doesn't need to shout what this gesture means, the audience knows about it already.

Your eyes continued to look up at Triple H, your eyes wide and doe-like, sometimes your mouth even moaning whilst you pretended to suck him off.

After a while, Shawn tapped you on your shoulder, which made you turn your head and look at Shawn.

Shawn's hands joined together and formed an "x" shape above his crotch, his mouth smiled from ear to ear.

You know what that means now.

You then walked on your knees on the trampoline to Shawn, where he proceeded to unbutton and unzip his jeans.

This made the women in the audience get out of their seats and shriek, hoping to see his penis.

Shawn's hands then formed an "x" shape at the wrist above his crotch again, not needing to even shout "suck it!".

With a grin on your face, you leaned your face to his crotch and buried your face in the unzipped area of his jeans, where you looked like you were giving him a blowjob, but surprisingly wasn't.

Like Triple H, Shawn wasn't wearing any underwear under his jeans, this helped this storytelling look more realistic.

Speaking of Triple H, Trips was zipping his jeans back up and buttoning his pants, much to the dismay of the women in the audience.

Shawn leaned his head back and pretended to look like you really were giving him head, pretending to have an orgasm, closing his eyes and smiling.

The audience was cheering for you sucking him off, some men in the audience were even chanting "suck it!" over and over again as well as crotch chopping along with it.

Shawn shut his eyes and bit his bottom lip while you pretended to give him head, your throat still swallowing nothing but air.

Triple H was smiling and laughing while he watched you looking like you're giving Shawn a blowjob.

As you were implied to give Shawn head, you moaned as you pretended to suck him off, and even Shawn quietly moaned a bit too.

Shawn's hands separated from each other and made chopping motions at his cum gutters, his hands forming a "v" shape.

He smiled from ear to ear and even laughed a bit while doing this.

You know what that gesture means, and you still continued "sucking it" as well as swallowing, although you weren't really swallowing anything.

Shawn was trying to really act like he was getting a blowjob, Triple H was trying to act like that too previously when you were sucking him off, despite that the audience can't really see either of their cocks getting sucked.

"Do I taste good?" Shawn asked you, raising and straightening his head and looking down at you.

You nodded your head, the camera cutting to you nodding your head and your eyes looking up at the Heartbreak Kid.

"What about Hunter?" Shawn asked.

You nodded your head again, the camera cutting to you nodding your head.

Despite Shawn and Triple H not climaxing, much to the dismay of the audience, Shawn zipped his jeans back up and buttoned his pants, one of his hands pretending to put his penis back in his pants.

"Now, do you have anything to say?" Shawn asked to the microphone, only to then point the microphone to your face.

You were in between Shawn and Triple H, who were standing in the ring on their feet, whereas you were standing on your knees in the middle of the ring.

Shawn and Triple H's microphones were positioned at their crotches and pointing at your face, meant to look like penises.

The camera cut to you standing on your knees in the ring with 2 microphones pointing at your face, you wrapped your fingers around both of the microphones, making it look like you have 2 cocks in your face.

As you said something into the microphones, you stuck your tongue on the corner of your mouth, where your tongue proceeded to lick the microphone Triple H was holding like the mike was his penis.

The audience's eyes were growing wide and bugging out in shock whereas their jaws were dropping in gasps, Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross both pretended to be shocked at the commentary table.

"I-is she licking that microphone?" Jerry asked.

No duh!

Your tongue caressed and stroked the tip of his microphone, roaming around the microphone as well as curling around it, and you didn't just lick that microphone, but you wrapped your lips around that microphone and put it in your mouth, where you started sucking that microphone.

This got another massive pop from the audience, males in the audience cheering and filling the arena with cheers, roars and wolf whistles.

Triple H and Shawn's eyes bugged out, the 2 of them pretending to be shocked and slightly jumping back, but at the same time they were loving this.

Their mouths spread wide ear-to-ear smiles and they were even laughing a bit, they didn't mind you doing this.

Triple H turned the microphone off by pulling the volume switch down with his thumb.

You want to pump your hands up and down the microphones shafts like they're penises, but you're afraid that you'll turn the microphones on.

The tip of Shawn's microphone nudged into your face, and your head turned to now lick and suck on Shawn's mic this time.

The tip of Shawn's microphone had entered your mouth, where you sucked on that microphone, your lips sliding down the tip of the microphone.

You didn't just suck that microphone, but again, licked it, licking up and down as well as horizontally back and forth, your tongue caressing and roaming on that microphone.

Triple H moved a few steps forward to your face, his microphone nudging your face now this time, and your tongue moved to lick on Triple H's microphone as well.

You wish Billy Gunn, who was then in the New Age Outlaws, could be in this moment as well, so you could lick and suck the microphone positioned over his crotch, though you don't mean microphone as in penis.

The camera eventually cut to commercial break, this was getting too hot for TV.

You entering the ring in a leather bra and thong (and worse, having a collar wrapped around your neck while 2 men held those chains attached to that collar like you were a literal dog) caused a massive uproar of controversy, especially amongst feminists, complaining this is degrading to women.

Plus, there was another uproar over you looking like you're giving head to Triple H and Shawn Michaels as well as licking and sucking their microphones like they're actual penises.

Like I said before, the Attitude era was Histrionic Personality Disorder television (and maybe antisocial personality disorder and oppositional defiant disorder TV too).

Many of the things you did during the Attitude era made you seem like someone with Histrionic Personality Disorder as well as helped define why the Attitude era was histrionic personality disorder TV.

The thing is, this moment with you in the leather bra and thong and pretending to give head and what not is tame compared to some of the other things you did during the Attitude era...

[rawiswhore]

Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Billy Gunn, Jeff Hardy, Rob Van Dam, Davey Boy Smith x Fem Reader- “Slave To the Grind”

By the end of 1997, the WWF are starting to become not so colorful, cheesy and family friendly as they used to be.

Just look at D Generation X and their obscene gesture and catchphrase.

Just look at Sable wearing that very skimpy bikini circa December 1997 that didn't leave much to the imagination.

Stone Cold Steve Austin is a rising star with his middle fingers and the former Isaac Yankem went on to become Kane; the Undertaker's brother whose face was horrifically burned as a child.

While bra and panties matches, wrestlers falling through and breaking tables set on fire and wrestlers with gimmicks as porn stars haven't become a thing yet, they soon will be.

And what's going on in the WWF right now, especially on tonight's episode, is a predecessor to all of that.

At least one predecessor to it, anyway.

On an episode one night in December 1997, there was a special match.

That match was Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Billy Gunn, Jeff Hardy, even Davey Boy Smith/The British Bulldog and Rob Van Dam vs. Mankind, Vader, The Headbangers, and the Road Warriors.

Such an odd mixture of wrestlers fighting one another, no tag teams fighting other tag teams, just random wrestlers fighting other random wrestlers.

This match may as well be called "Wrestlers Who've Had Sex With You (in real life and not just kayfabe) vs. Wrestlers Who Haven't Had Sex With You" or even "Wrestlers You're Sexually Attracted to vs. Wrestlers You Aren't Sexually Attracted To".

"Hot Male Wrestlers vs. Ugly Male Wrestlers".

Even the people watching this don't know the point of this match, though you have thought of pitching a story line involving where the wrestlers you haven't had sex with are in love with you and want you, but the ones you have fucked want to keep you for yourself, so they fight over a girl.

Actually, there is one reason this match exists, and it happens once the match is over.

Even though Davey Boy did leave the WWF in November 1997 after the "Montreal Screwjob", so did Bret Hart, for that matter, however, tonight, he did return to the WWF in December, why?

For what will happen later on tonight.

Even though he'll be wrestling with Shawn Michaels on his side considering a few months ago there was that infamous match where Davey wanted to win a match against Shawn Michaels to dedicate it to his sick sister, and was planned to win the match, but Shawn rudely took the belt from the British Bulldog, which led you angrily ranting at Shawn in the locker room after when the match was over, and of course, the Montreal Screwjob, but you made Shawn apologize to Davey for his selfishness and made them reconcile.

That match and how it ended (as well as Shawn and Triple H having their horrid Kliq) made you have serious doubts of leaving the WWF, but you ended up staying in the WWF.

While ECW's invasion of the WWF during the summer of 1997 was temporary, there were talks of hiring Rob Van Dam during the WWF's up and coming Attitude Era, but for some reason, he wasn't hired.

However, for one night only, Rob Van Dam will be a part of a show in the WWF, for certain reasons...

While these various wrestlers beat the crap and wrestle one another in the ring, you're standing next to the ring, looking up at them, wearing a black bra with matching black short shorts.

Your hands and palms are beating on the ring's mat, shouting at and egging on Triple H, Shawn, and every other male wrestler in the ring you've had sex with to beat up the ones you haven't had sex with.

Beating on the ring's mat gives you so much anxiety, because you're scared some wrestler will run into your hand and his boots will crush your fingers.

When you aren't shouting at the wrestlers you've fucked to kick the other wrestler's asses, you're standing next to the referee, pretending to flirt with him by running your index finger up and down his chest and standing so close to him, your torso is touching his.

You're not sexually attracted to the referee, but you're doing this to distract him from the match.

This was all part of the script.

You flirting with the referee got a standing ovation out of the males in the audience, and this also caught the attention of Jerry Lawler on commentary.

"She's flirting with him!" Jerry exclaimed. "Why isn't she doing it with me?!?!"

Because Jerry is a fat, bloated, perverted, Trump supporting, statutory rapist creep old enough to be your father, that's why.

Even though it's obvious the Headbangers, Vader, Mankind, etc. could easily kick Jeff Hardy and Shawn Michaels' asses, this match is all scripted and there's one reason this match exists.

You didn't care about this match at all, you were excited for what comes after the match.

And pretty soon, the match was finally over, the winners of the match being the wrestlers you have had sex with.

After they were announced the winners and won the belt, you were back to standing in front of the ring, where Triple H and Shawn Michaels grabbed your wrists on both of your hands and pulled you into the ring, where you slid under the ropes and entered the ring.

As you crawled under the ropes and into the ring, the men cheered even louder for you being inside the ring.

D Generation X's Rage Against the Machine knockoff entrance song was playing after they had won the belt, and when you entered the ring, you were just in time to dance to that guitar riff in the song.

As the guitar riff played on from that song, Triple H was standing right behind you and Shawn was in front of you, whereas Billy and Davey Boy were on the sides, and Jeff and Rob were crouching and squatting on the mat next to both of your calves.

The men who lost this match were all walking out of the ring looking pissed off and mad.

You began to roll your ass up Triple H's crotch, lapdancing him a bit, your ass pressed and blocking his erection for all of those to see pressing through his tights.

Your ass was rolling on beat and to the guitar's riff.

Your back was also pressed on and touching Triple H's sweaty torso, your body writhing on his.

That wasn't the only thing Triple H did, his hands roamed all over the front of your body, going everywhere, sometimes even stopping at your tits and squeezing them.

He also rolled his ass backwards and sometimes grinded his crotch frontwards to the beat to the song playing.

That wasn't all, Shawn was in front of you, where he leaned his face into your face and kissed your lips.

Your eyes closed when his lips locked with yours, his eyes were closed as well, and the two of you began passionately kissing one another.

While you were kissing him, your hand was behind his head, running your fingers through and down his hair, making sure you don't mess his hair up.

While kissing him, he slipped his tongue into your mouth, his tongue trying to entice and seduce yours.

Your tongue gave his tongue a few licks, and vice versa.

When Shawn began making out with you, this got a HUGE pop from the female audience, getting out of their seats and shrieking and screaming their heads off, although they probably want to ring your neck since you're with their man!

And while Shawn was kissing you, his hands were on your bra, his palms and fingers rubbing up and down your bra.

This, as well as you grinding your ass up Triple H's boner, got a HUGE pop from the males (both grown men and underage teenage boys) in the audience, standing up, cheering and yelling "yyyyyyyyyeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!".

Not to mention, as Shawn made out with you, Triple H pushed some of your hair out of the way behind your neck and leaned his face into the back of your neck, pressing his lips on the back of your neck.

His lips began kissing the back of your neck, leaving his kisses everywhere on your bare neck and on your shoulders.

While this was going on, Billy and Davey Boy were on opposite sides of your hips, grinding their crotches on both of your hips.

That wasn't all, Billy and Davey also rubbed and caressed their hands up and down your hips as well as on your stomach.

They also a few times squeezed and caressed your bra covered tits.

Rob and Jeff, however, were squatting and crouching down on the ring's mat, where their hands caressed up and down your legs.

Sometimes they leaned into your leg and gave your legs a few kisses, letting their sensual side out.

And speaking of kissing, Billy and Davey leaned their heads into your neck, stretching their necks out, until their lips could reach and touch your neck, and their lips began kissing your neck as well as your shoulders.

Sometimes Billy and Davey's arms also caressed up and down your own arms.

Shawn, on the other hand, let his lips slide down below your lips and down the middle of your neck, where when his lips had met your neck, his lips gave you several kisses and pecks on your neck, sometimes he gave sloppy kisses on your neck, your skin in between his lips.

When I mean "sloppy kisses", I don't mean "sloppy" as in salivating and slobbering on you, I meant he kisses you very messily and heavily, not leaving little pecks of kisses.

He then brushed his lips all the way down to the middle of your tits, where he stopped there.

His face was buried in your cleavage, his hands rummaging up and down your body as this happened.

One of your hands was behind Shawn's head, running your fingers through and down his hair, whereas your other hand was fumbling below his neck, your palm and fingers running down his body.

Your hips were swaying back and forth on Triple H's crotch, his hands were roaming up and down your body and sometimes staying and holding onto your hips, your body slithering on his.

"I thought they were called D Generation X, not D Generation Sex!" Jerry Lawler shrieked.

"D Generation Triple X" Jim Ross quipped back. "D Generation X Rated!"

"When Triple H becomes Triple X!" Jerry responded back.

Jeff, Rob, Davey, Triple H and Billy wished they could've been in Shawn's place, where Shawn's face was in between your tits, but you've rehearsed this with these men and they'll get their turn soon.

Though, you think just about every male watching this, straight male anyway, wants to be Shawn or even the other wrestlers smothering you.

Speaking of Shawn, Shawn's face wasn't just buried in your cleavage, he was also giving some big open mouth kisses over your clothed breasts, in between your cleavage, on your stomach, making out and giving sloppy kisses on your torso like it was your lips.

Sometimes his tongue snuck out of his mouth and licked over the clothed part of your breasts, especially where your nipples and areolas are, though it tasted disgusting to lick your bra, but Shawn was trying to play it off that it didn't taste so nasty.

Though, is that a good thing or not? It probably tastes nasty to lick a piece of clothing and having a disgusted facial expression makes things more realistic!

Women and men were screaming their heads off over Shawn giving kisses on your tits, where the grown men were standing out of their seats and shouting "yyyyyyyyyyeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!", whereas the women were shrieking and shouting "wooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!", sounding like those women in the audience on "Full House" whenever someone kissed another person.

All of these wrestlers swarming, hovering and touching you were all trying to "dance" as well, either by swaying their hips, grinding and pushing their pelvises forward or gyrating their hips, even though most of (if not ANY) of these wrestlers all over you can't dance at all.

All of the men tried to be "on beat" as they grinded and gyrated on you, you were trying to be on beat as well.

As the camera was filming you writhe and sway your body with these wrestlers, you also put one of your hands on the elastic of your shorts and slightly tugged and pulled down your waistline, showing your hip bones and a bit more of your skin.

This, of course, made the males go insane seeing you flash some more skin, some dudes let out those corny "wolf whistles" males make when they see a hot chick.

As you grinded on Triple H's genitals, you also leaned your head back, resting your head on his shoulder, and Triple H put his hands over your bra, giving your tits a few squeezes.

You leaning your head back, your eyes closed and mouth agape made you look like you were having an orgasm, and you may as well have one.

Although, you didn't always look like you were having an orgasm, sometimes you held your head up.

You could've started this little dance number off with Shawn doing something else that will eventually happen later, but his tongue and lips will probably taste disgusting if you make out with him.

This is what you precisely want, Triple H to be behind you as you roll your ass up his cock while Shawn is "motorboating" your breasts, sometimes even kissing and caressing them.

Why?

You wanted to model this moment after a scene in Madonna's "Truth or Dare" documentary where she and her backup dancers are all in front of a white photoshoot screen and her backup dancers are slowly writhing and grinding on Madonna, dressed in a black cone bra and panties, as well as some performances from Madonna's Girlie Show tour circa 1993 where she performed a remake of Donna Summer's "Love to Love You Baby".

You were trying to do almost everything Madonna does in that "Truth or Dare" scene and that "Love to Love You Baby" remake.

And to boot, Triple H and Shawn Michaels are absolutely sexy right now with the way they look, and not just that, Jeff Hardy, who's also absolutely beautiful, is caressing his hands up and down one of your legs, sometimes even kissing your leg.

When Shawn wasn't just kissing in between your breasts and kissing the clothed parts of your tits, his hands were caressing up and down your bra, his palms feeling the silk of your bra.

Shawn suddenly slid his lips down the middle of your torso, down your stomach, down your navel, until he stopped at and reached your private area.

First, he licked your black shorts in your vulva area, licking in between where your two pussy flaps are, although they're being covered up by your shorts.

Not only that, but his tongue went back into his mouth and he puckered his lips, his lips kissing your vulva covered by your shorts.

His mouth was wide open, giving sloppy kisses to your crotch area, your vagina covered by short black shorts in his mouth.

When I mean "sloppy kisses", I don't mean "sloppy" as in salivating and slobbering on you, I meant he kisses you very messily and heavily, not leaving little pecks of kisses.

Feeling Shawn kiss and lick on your clothed clit felt even better than someone rubbing their bare naked fingers over your naked clit.

So good, you wanted to moan this and look like you were having an orgasm over this, and you kind of did look like you were having an orgasm, but not that much.

This got a huge reaction out of the crowd, both male and female, many of their eyes were bugging and growing wide when Shawn did this.

The WWF will probably get several angry letters and complaints from this moment.

The grown men were standing out of their seats and shouting "yyyyyyyyyyeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!", whereas the women were shrieking and shouting "wooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!", sounding like those women in the audience on "Full House" whenever someone kissed another person.

You also heard some dudes whistling that corny "wolf whistle" that dudes whistle at women, especially sexy women, towards you.

Throughout this dance sequence, the audience, both males and females (men and women, underage boys and some girls) cheered even louder than when you entered the ring, nearly everyone in the audience was out of their seats.

They were cheering so loudly, not only could nearly everyone in the room's ears bleed, but you were scared their cheers would drown out the music you were dancing to.

The men and boys in the audience were going absolutely nuts over this, but only going nuts over you dancing, grinding and writhing half naked.

They'd probably love it even more if you were writhing and dancing with half naked, sexy women like Sunny, Sable, and Terri Runnels/Marlena.

The women both hated this and loved this.

While they loved seeing Shawn, Jeff, even Triple H and Billy Gunn writhing on you shirtless, they were also extremely jealous of you because you were writhing and grinding with their men!

They probably all want to ring your neck now.

As Shawn was stimulating cunnilingus, Billy and Davey both brushed their lips from your neck all the way down to your bra cups, where the two of them licked and kissed where they think your nipples and areolas are.

This, of course, got a major pop from the men in the audience.

Jeff Hardy elevated himself up a bit from your ankle, where he dragged and brushed his tongue from your ankle all the way up to your thigh.

Jeff paused at your thigh, where he began to give kisses on your thigh, sometimes he gave these little pecks on your thigh, other times he sloppily kissed your thigh.

He kissed your thigh like it was your lips.

Women in the audience went absolutely nuts seeing that, shrieking and screaming their heads off, even some men in the audience went nuts over this, although they were going crazy over seeing a closeup of your thigh being kissed.

Jeff wasn't the sex symbol he'd become in the WWF years later with his iconic "goth look", but he was still totes hot.

You have a reason why you've planned Triple H behind you, Shawn in front of you, and Jeff and Rob on your legs.

They're the sexiest men you're writhing with in your opinion.

Having a hot guy make out with you while you're lapdancing another hot guy who's kissing the back of your neck, rolling his crotch on your ass and feeling your tits and body while two other hot guys are caressing your legs with both of their hands and even their lips and tongues?

And that hot guy you're making out with brushes his lips down your body and buries himself in your cleavage, feeling your tits and whatnot?

Billy and Davey are hot too, but not enough.

You're a severe perfectionist; wanting the hottest guys to be licking, kissing and caressing your legs while you're making out with the sex symbol of the WWF and lap dancing another equal hottie in the WWF whose feeling up on you, and planned and rehearsed this.

Rob followed Jeff, where he copied him: sliding his tongue and lips from your ankle up to your thigh he was kissing.

When Rob reached your thigh, he kissed your thigh the same way Jeff was kissing your thigh.

Y'wanna know why this "Triple H, Shawn, Billy, blah blah blah" vs. ugly wrestlers you don't give a crap about match exists?

Because of this moment.

This moment where you writhe and slither and sway your hips and body with all of these other sexy male wrestlers, or at least male wrestlers you find sexy, and they're all touching you.

This magic moment is precisely why we have Jerry Lawler on commentary saying things like "She's had more hands on her than a doorknob!", in fact, he's saying that about you right now, which led to Jim Ross chiming in saying "And more turns than a doorknob too!".

You want this moment to last forever and let these hot wrestlers all have turns kissing and burying their faces in your tits while another is kissing your calf, blah blah blah.

Even the men in the audience want this to go on, this is so sexy and it seems like this performance gets racier and racier as different wrestlers switch to get turns for you to rub your ass on their crotch.

You'd also love it if one of the more slender wrestlers, like say Shawn Michaels or Jeff Hardy, or even both, slid their hands down your shorts to stimulate masturbation, but sadly, no.

When you eventually got your own titantron and entrance theme, there was a short little clip of you surrounded by Triple H, Shawn, Billy, Jeff, Davey Boy, even Rob Van Dam, you were writhing and slithering with these wrestlers in front of a white sheet, the wrestlers fondling your body, this scene recreating that photoshoot/orgy sequence from Madonna's "Truth or Dare" documentary.

It's a shame Christina Aguilera's "Dirrty" music video had to come out a few years after this moment (though she was underage when this moment happened), because you wish you could do some of the dances she did in the "Dirrty" video with these men in the ring right now, grinding, writhing and slithering your body with them.