impossible woman
Indecoroso como meu coração, somente aqueles que ousei deixar partir. Colore minha íris e minhas pulseiras com todo o azul da galáxia, encapsulada em meus próprios erros como prisão.
Engarrafada como em mil cartas de tarô.
A voz soa arranhando a melodia, atacando os acordes e dizendo palavras que não sairiam da boca de quem beija a mãe no rosto. Meio suja, meio santa, perseguindo pesadelos enquanto os demais perseguem sonhos. Sigo construindo cenários apocalípticos para morar enquanto me desvencilho de tudo que me dá a sensação de conforto. Acostumei-me aos sapatos cheios de cacos de vidro, não sabendo lidar com pantufas.
Recuso seu amor simples como quem recusa um drink ruim, desconectada da possibilidade de viver a calmaria das manhãs sem uma gota do álcool que me enche agora. Recuso seus poemas se não vierem cheios das farpas e dos espinhos.
Colecionei discos e medos ao longo da vida, baby, me deixei levar por algumas promessas e mal entendidos. Preciso de mais que suas falas pausadas para acreditar no que tem a dizer, mas se vier com muita gentileza talvez eu nem acredite.
Conheço o gosto da tequila e do sexo, do poético e do profano, estou cheia de arestas irreparáveis, incapaz de aceitar esse amor simples que quer me dar.
Sei que vai dizer por aí do dia que se apaixonou pela mulher condenada, pelos olhos azuis e as roupas escandalosas, pelos sons das bijuterias em meus braços. Quando este dia chegar me colocará no topo de sua lista de arrependimentos e eu posarei para a foto fumando um cigarro. Sei que vai contar do dia que propôs algo além para a mulher que não confia no amor de quem a ama, que não consegue acreditar que alguém poderia amá-la.
A mulher impossível, presa em medos e na certeza de que não pode ter algo além de olhares desejosos e dias infinitos nos bares da cidade.
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Daisy's addiction was an inspiration for Billy writing "Impossible Woman" but the song wasn't about her but everyone believes the song is about her and he wrote it for her to sing but it wasn't about her and she remembers him actually telling her the song was about her and he still insists that he never said that because it wasn't and i need to lie down now 😫🥺
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impossible woman not being in djats show makes me so upset like it was. SO SO GOOD. i also need "and baby when you think of me, i hope it ruins rock 'n' roll" in regret me immediately ughh i love the show but i wish they didn’t change those >:(
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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
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rewatching the first episode of Hannibal and holy shit I forgot how good this is but it's actually insane that Brian fuller set up the ep like this, he introduces will and Hannibal by first briefly showing them at their core, at the darkest, most vile part of them---we get a glimpse behind the curtain---and then its gone, the curtain is snapped shut and we see their masks, their human suits.
Will empathizes with killers because he likes it, and he wants to kill but he refuses to give into the urge because he knows how much he'll like it and he won't be able to stop. So he lives vicariously through other killers, satisfying his own dark urge by feeding it little morsels of secondhand blood lust. Every crime scene he works gives the urge something that satisfies it, not enough for it to grow, but enough for it be sate. Enough that he can ignore it for long enough that he can walk around and be Professor Will Graham who is Weird, Brash, and Non-sociable.
And Hannibal is a cannibal at night and a psychiatrist by morning.
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I love that this is a fight where Cass uses her strategic skills, we don't get to see that often, usually just her punching someone, which is cool and all, but I love that they got creative this time around because they KNEW Cass was out of her game.
Which by the way, this is how you show Cass fighting someone she knows would wreck her 1 on 1, she ALWAYS knows how she could potentially win a fight.
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