#in an effort to try and explain and validate their own struggles

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

I think some people call adhd meds "life saving" because they can help them stop feeling suicidal. I know that doesn't apply to everyone but I have two friends who become suicidal if they're not on their adhd meds because theirs is so severe it becomes life ruining. I've also had a trans friend say their hormones are life saving. I don't think any of them mean to invalidate medications for physical function/life. But I understand how it might seem dramatic or inconsiderate.

I definitely understand that, and, in your friends' cases, I don't necessarily think it's dramatic. I think my frustration comes less with the different conversations on how helpful and crucial different meds can be - because those conversations, whether about lifesaving meds or not, are still important - and more about how these situations play out in terms of intra-community conversations.

In my opinion, there needs to be a separation of the language and terms used for different conversations around medications. When people speak about lifesaving medication, it's because we will die without them no matter what. The medication is the thing keeping us alive. You mentioned your friends described their meds as life saving because their adhd without them is life ruining - that's the difference I think. Their condition may be life ruining, but the people who take lifesaving meds have conditions that will be life ending. There's a separation there.

People with chronic illnesses or disabilities who rely on lifesaving medications have level of severity to our experiences which other people simply can't understand. They just can't. Not in the same way as all of us who experience it. When we have conversations about that, it's an entirely different situation from people whose medications are important in the way you're talking about. It's not that we try to say medications which aren't lifesaving in the literal sense aren't important. It's that, at least on my end, I'm frustrated that people are trying to recontextualize this term.

When I have conversations with other people taking lifesaving medications about our meds, having people try and join the conversation when they simply don't have the experience to understand feels... a bit demeaning, I think. Then, when we point out they don't have the same experiences and can't meaningfully add on to the conversation without changing the topic, we then have people trying to change the meaning of the term. Before this recontextualization began, we had the term "lifesaving medications" for a reason, and it refers to something literal. Our bodies shut down without our meds. We will die if we don't have them. It's frustrating when people try to redefine terms in disability spaces that refer to specific experiences (lifesaving medications, paralysis, etc.). If people want to observe intra-community conversations when they don't have the life experience to contribute, if one topic makes them think of something relating to their own life and start their own, separate conversation about that, I have no issue. If a term doesn't exist for your experience, feel free to make one. But changing the meanings of our terms is a disservice.

[acourtofthought]

This is not a Nesta slander post but it is a double standard post.

For some, it's acceptable for Nesta to act the way she did towards Feyre because she was going through stuff, she didn't owe anyone anything regardless of what that person may have done for her. She blamed her for them being turned fae, she didn't want Feyre in their home after Feyre was turned fae, she called her a half-wild beast who rutted in the hay like an animal, etc. Feyre keeping her alive for years, Feyre warning them about the pending war, Feyre giving her a place to live, it's nothing Nesta was expected to show appreciation for because of her trauma.

But it's not OK for Elain to lash out at Nesta a bit in SF as she's also going through stuff.......all because of the stuff Nesta did for her? It's like Elain is not allowed to show anything but utter appreciation and thanks to Nesta while giving Nesta a free pass to behave however she wants regardless of people sacrificing for her. Doing a kindness for someone because you chose to do it does not mean that person is never allowed to feel anger / frustration / disappointment towards you. The sisters dynamic has been shifting over the course of the series, their behaviors are changing, and that means the way they interact with one another is going to change as well. It doesn't make one person a bitch and "not as nice as she seems" while the other is "just struggling but is so nice beneath it all". Nice people can get frustrated too. They can lash out in anger. They can have emotions that are completely valid even if the other character feels they are unjustified. The fandom seems to be broken down into different groups. One group feels Elain is happy in the NC, fully healed from her traumas (usually E/riels) and there's not much thought put into Elain's current actions beyond "she's going to be a spy and have a forbidden love with Az". Another group feels Elain is not fully happy, that she is masking her true feelings and there's evidence of this when she points out to Nesta (and Feyre later talks in the bonus about) how she's still got her own traumas. This is the space where many Eluciens exist, the ones who love both Elain and Lucien or the ones who might like the idea of Elucien but are somewhat indifferent to Elain's character at the moment, the ones who want her POV to understand her better. There is a third group though who will claim that because Elain is out and about in Velaris helping fae with her gardens and cooking, she should be going out of her way to help Nesta (despite the fact that Nesta continually pushed Elain away in a way that Elain never did to her during her trauma in ACOWAR). This group will say now that Elain is better, she should "be there for Nesta" while in the next breath they'll claim she isn't happy in the NC which is a clear indication that she won't end up with Az. Soooooooo.......which is it? Nesta was fine to go to bars and engage with many others but she needed to keep her distance from Feyre, Elain and the IC. But somehow Elain, if she is out engaging with those in Velaris, is REQUIRED to seek out Nesta (someone who said she didn't want to be around her) otherwise she's actually just putting on a front for being kind. I'm not even going to get started on the passes Nesta was given for the way she treated Cassian versus the "Elain is such a bitch for ignoring Lucien" comments. The double standards in this fandom for favorites versus non-favorites are insane at times. They'll try to compare things tit for tat in an effort to prove why Elain is the worst and Nesta is the best instead of realizing that it's all the same difference. Clearly there were reasons for Nesta's behavior that got explained in her book and none of those things resulted in "Nesta being someone worse than she let on" so why is there no grace given for Elain? That her book will not prove she's a "hidden bitch" but someone who is also dealing with her own personal struggles? Sarah wouldn't be writing a book for her if that weren't the case and I think that's someone people continually overlook. Sarah is on record as having ALWAYS wanted to write a book for both Nesta and Elain and that means Elain, just like Nesta, has her own layers. Sarah is on record CONFIRMING Elain is different from her sisters and more expressive in her love, that her strength is in her kindness yet some will still insist she's a secret bitch ready to betray everyone all because they're mad she had her first arguments with someone and is dealing with a lot when it comes to her mating bond / thoughts of Lucien.

[soushisousatsu]

HL's 'eroguro sensibilities' have been something i am obsessed with ever since i properly joined the fandom and came to see the interpretation and most importantly, the poster character for everything fucked up in fanfiction, Yugamu.

What are your thoughts on him and his sheer eroguro potential? I imagine you already like him, due to your username. The Japanese fandom has properly made him out to be a consensual rapist, and there are a few very interesting Yugamu/Gaku fanfictions on ao3.

If you're into the eroguro and edgy aspects, what do you prefer to see in Takumi/Eito above Yugamu/Gaku? I'm not bashing, but rather geniunely curious because that ship seems too normal for me. I like how Gaku unironically pairs well with Yugamu because of his severe insecurity and whining attitude, Yugamu kinda grounds him a bit and gives him the attention he was desperate for (as in, that scene where he bashed Takumi for leaving when he had just insulted him) in return of Yugamu getting to play with him however much he wants. But aside from that ship, who do you think is the hypothetical ideal partner for Yugamu?

Thank you so much for the ask, Anon! There's a lot going on in this ask (not that I mind) so I'll try to break this down into sections.

Yugamu: My Take

Starting off: you caught me, Anon—I love Yugamu to pieces. My first experience with HNDR was a blind play-through of the demo. But even then, I saw the potential Eroguro influences. Particularly in the military aesthetics, and how these characters' bodies have become tools of war.

So when I learnt about Yugamu, I was delighted. The driving force behind his character seems to be the interplay of love and violence. And I think his "mutual bloodlust" principal is a really unique take on that theme.

I think we can view Yugamu's background as a parallel to what the rest of the SDU are currently experiencing for the first time. In the second character trailer, he describes himself as having been groomed for assassination work. Yugamu was born into violence, and his body has long been specialised for slaughter.

According to his character profile, Yugamu's family does not share his beliefs. This implies that Yugamu came to his philosophy all on his own. I see it as his way of reclaiming violence for himself—and, by extension, his bodily autonomy. It's a reflection of the physical, social, and moral transformation inherent to Eroguro.

[Discussion of sexual violence and post-demo promotional content under the cut]

Fandom

As for fandom, I can hardly believe the amount of incredible fanwork that exists about Yugamu already. On the JP side of things, I adore the artwork of MiNi_MA_LiST. My favourite being this Yugamu/Gaku comic. It takes place following an incident where Yugamu stole Gaku's first kiss. Unfortunately, Gaku's efforts to avoid Yugamu are thwarted when Yugamu forces himself into Gaku's room for the night. Gaku assumes Yugamu will rape him, but he ends up just going to sleep.

What I like about this one is, funnily enough, Yugamu recognising that Gaku is uncomfortable and backing off. I'm curious about the potential for sexual abuse in Yugamu's backstory. That isn't alluded to here, but I think Yugamu being able to listen to "no" instead of simply doing as he pleases serves as good contrast to what can be assumed about his family. It also validates his philosophy as something that could be a form of love. Yugamu wants to be killed by someone he loves just as much as he wants to kill them.

The other thing I appreciate about this fanwork are the queer themes. The beginning of the comic makes it clear Gaku is struggling with his sexuality. Once they're in bed, he asks Yugamu why he isn't disgusted about doing this with another man. Yugamu explains that gender does not matter to him as long as there's mutual bloodlust. Yugamu acting as a symbol of queer possibility to Gaku is something I'll get into once I talk about my thoughts on their relationship more extensively.

As for the ENG fandom, I've been enjoying the work of this author who goes by "Yugamu Anon". Their standout work being, in my opinion, Never-Ever-Ender. Which delves into that idea of (consensual) violence as a way of reclaiming one's bodily autonomy. It's akin to why many people in the real world practice BDSM. (I left a lengthy comment on this fic as Pushiganga, if you're curious about my thoughts.)

Yugamu and Gaku

With the degree of fandom interest, it's easy for me to forget that all we have of Yugamu and Gaku is a single clip. However, I think there's a little more to that interest than a desperation for content.

Gaku and Yugamu's backgrounds are more similar than one would expect at a first glance. Up until now, their lives have been controlled by their families. Yugamu was experimented on for the sake of his family's assassination business. Meanwhile, according this summary of the exclusive Days 8-18 presentation, Gaku appears to have been debt-trapped by the group home he's grown up in. He works to support the children who live there, and he'll be paying back the facility even after he leaves. Neither of them ever got a choice in what kind of life they wanted to live. However, their attitudes are totally different. Where Yugamu appears completely confident in who he is, Gaku is insecure and combative.

I think Yugamu's comfort in his "weirdness" would be very confronting for Gaku. Which takes me back to the potential queer themes I brought up before. One of the first things we learn about Gaku are his hang-ups about women. ("I wish this was a harem set-up. If there are no guys around, girls have to like me.") Compared to what we've seen of Yugamu's early moments, where he proudly declares his preferences and proceeds to hit on Takumi. (Thank you Runaneetee for the translation.)

Part of me wonders if, upon meeting, Gaku will express jealously toward Yugamu for being in a "harem set-up" at Second-to-Last Defense Academy—which will amuse Yugamu greatly and ignite his desire to harass him. I'd love to see Gaku contend with his disgust and realise that he's really been jealous of Yugamu's freedom.

I think it's very possible Yugamu may see himself in Gaku, so he wants to show Gaku how to live without shame. Which reminds me of a transmasculine Yugamu/transfeminine Gaku concept I've been playing around with. However, this post is already long enough, so that's a topic for another day.

Why Eitaku?

You propose a very good question, Anon! I had to stop and think about it for a while. Takumi/Eito, as they currently are, is not the kind of pair I'd typically have much investment in. While I do find their interactions cute in a way that appeals to a simpler part of me. What intrigues me most about Takumi/Eito is the potential I see for something darker to develop.

I'll assume you're aware of this CG seen at TGS last year. [Source]. I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a major motivating factor. (Which I shall get to.) However, this is something I saw in them before I was made aware of this CG.

The most important things we learn about Eito in the demo are:

He's desperate to make friends.

He's willing to do crazy things to achieve his goals, even if no one agrees with him. (Going off into the wastelands alone with no battle experience for a chance of finding a way back to the TRC.)

Takumi becomes Eito's first real friend amongst the SDU (possibly ever.)

From this, it's not hard to imagine that Eito would go to extreme lengths to maintain a bond with Takumi. We've already seen how quickly he's gotten attached to Takumi. From (implicitly) proclaiming that Takumi is his reason to fight on Day 7 and that he wants to "protect the things [he] loves". To how excited Eito seems to be to spend time alone with Takumi in the aforementioned Day 8-18 summary and other scenes shown in advance reviews. (6:00 and 8:40. It's fast, so you may need to slow the video down.)

Which brings us to the CG in question. Beyond the pure shock of "WAIT THEY'RE FUCKING??", it gives us an idea of what Eito's fixation on Takumi could lead to.

I haven't seen this interpretation really discussed in the English fandom, but many Japanese fans believe this CG is depicting rape—and I'm inclined to agree. Takumi is dead-eyed and laying totally still with his arms by his side. Any contact between the two comes from Eito—who looks ecstatic in comparison. Nor does he appear to care about Takumi's apparent lack of interest.

Unlike some fans, I don't believe Eito is hiding a darker, "true" personality behind his exterior. At least—not at the beginning. Rather, I think it will be possible for Eito's morals to change depending on how the game progresses. In a route where he'd rape the person he sees as his best friend—what else would he do? And when he's spent the last 100 day in this ultra-violent environment... you can see how there's a conclusion here that would appeal to Eroguro-lovers.

That's not what the fic I'm writing is about, though. My choice to apply an Eroguro-esque philosophy to Takumi and Eito is both a simple desire to combine things I enjoy, and because they're the characters I currently feel like I have the best grasp on.

While Yugamu and Gaku's inherent Eroguro vibes are a fun jumping off point, I'm also interested in exploring how "normal" people could end up there. What initially sparked the idea for my fic was a line of dialogue that can appear when interacting with the Revive-o-Matic. Something to the effect of:

I shouldn't rely on [the Revive-o-Matic] too much. If I die and come back a few times, it might become an addiction.

Which got me thinking about how someone's perception of their own body could change if they could keep dying and coming back to life. I was drawn to include Eito because I enjoy his relationship with Takumi. But I also think that Eito brings some interesting baggage to this subject matter due to his terminal illness. Death probably hangs over him in a way it wouldn't for his healthy peers. How would he react to finally dying, and coming back "fine"? Likewise, now he has the opportunity to exercise power over others like a doctor would a patient. How does he handle that? What would happen if he felt that his newfound autonomy was threatened?

A Partner For Yugamu?

Another interesting question Anon, and unfortunately one I don't believe I can answer at the moment. Saying "someone who matches his ideology" isn't wrong, but it isn't entirely right either. I feel like he also enjoys the "challenge" of someone like Takumi or Gaku.

Honestly, Yugamu seems like he has a lot of love to give. I'm just excited to see how he's going to interact with the rest of the cast. I'm also curious to see if there will be someone Yugamu dislikes, opposed to the other way around. I've seen people suggest that he and Darumi might end up having a sort of Byakuya/Toko dynamic. That seems like a good time, but I also want to see them get along as well. Thankfully, the sheer breadth of this game means we may be able to see different sides to all these relationships.

That being said, that is all I have to say for the time being. Thank you for sending such an in-depth ask! And thank you to anyone who read this behemoth of a post! I love talking about this game, so anyone is free to send questions galore!

For anyone reading this post-release, check my pinned post for current game progress as I don't want spoilers in my askbox.

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Huh Yunjin's Perspective Reading

Disclaimer: No facts, all alleged. This is my interpretation of the cards and energy I work with.

Alright, I will get to this girlie for this week to see what I can pick up from her. She hasn't giving me the best vibes from her readings so far, so let's see what she is willing to share and see if we can get more of her side to things.

So, I got the Artificial heart card, so that goes a long with what she has given me. This cold energy. This idgaf vibe. And overall, not being the sweetest person to others, maybe not even herself. I see escapism tendencies for her. This inability to be in the present moment, or experience her reality. Did I get that she is spiritual and into occult things. I feel I got that, because I am getting that to. Like the vibe she crosses dimensions, sounds wild, but yeah. It doesn't sound that wild to me, because I have done this as well. Hard to explain this one.

I see her not wanting to face herself or the actions she has done. There is a sense of dissociating in some capacity. I see her doing what it takes to rise to the top and keeping whatever title, she feels she deserves. There is a sense of her feeling superior to others. I do see a sense of shame and guilt, but I see her escaping to not feel that type of pain or face herself. I see her being disappointed with what she had to do to rise to the top. But there is a sense of pride she does have in herself. It is like she is proud she overcame the odds or challenges sha had.

I see her doing what it takes to seek some sort of happiness, or she tries to find external things or validation to find that happiness, but that could never be fulfilled by looking outside of herself. I don't feel like she felt she was protected by others, so I don't see her being all that protected and loyal to others. It is every man for themselves with her. I see her not learning from past mistakes, or doing any shadow work at all.

She may have guides around her trying to help her go on the right path, but she may struggle to listen to them. It is like she may not trust the information she is getting. I feel her on that. I can be that way too. It seems she may struggle to concentrate or focus on one thing at a time. She struggles to pay attention to things she should. I do see her needing to be more vulnerable or to work through any wounds she may have and face her own vulnerabilities she may have. She may need to work on finding herself again. She may need to work on finding true happiness within herself and put the effort in doing so. I will say as someone who does this myself, it sucks and isn't easy, so I get this need to just escape, but that is only a band aide and doesn't aide healing.

She seems to block out her intuition and not listen to her own nudges she has about things and can do foolish things or step into sh** because of it. She is good on putting on a show and pretending to be or act a certain way that fits her narrative. I see her befriending people, because she may need the validation. She likes a lot a people around her to make her feel better. I see her as a social butterfly that likes to talk to a lot of people and she likes her words to have influence over others, or to be the talk of the town in a way. She may like to be influential.

She seems like someone with many personalities and many faces. She gives me Gemini energy, not sure she is, doesn't matter. She just gives me this vibe of always switching up and you don't really know what she really believes or what her ideologies are. This could show she is adaptable and moldable, and isn't stubborn in her opinion. I see her Father being a good influence to her somehow. She may feel he pushed her to work hard for her money and not be passive and she may appreciate that. She may want to emulate her Father's energy.

There could of been a vow and promise she made to him and that sticks with her, or she is devoted to him and appreciates him a lot. There is something about her honoring her word. This part isn't making much sense and don't know why this popped up. I am seeing in this spread of card being highly influenced by her Dad once again. And her trying to emulate his energy. She looks up to him a lot.

I see her being a good communicator and finding ways to open doors for herself. She seems to be open and welcomes any opportunity. She doesn't seem all that picky about it. I still get a sense she has this strong need to be seen and be validated and fill up a lot of space, so there is that. I see her Dad encouraging her and feeling her with hope and may see the beauty and potential in her, more so than anyone else, so that is kind of cute.

I can see her seeing the beauty in things and even if it is a bit of a challenge, she welcomes it and feels a challenge can make the rise much better. That maybe things shouldn't go as smooth. I see there is a man who may have feelings for her. There could be an opportunity for love, but she seems to shy away from it and fears it could lead to chaos and a potential downfall for her, so she rather not entertain it. I can see someone pursuing her. Or she could have fears of relationships in general.

Now, to the Tarot to end this. Is there something with the courts that is involving her? Or she is someone who is pretty stoic, unfeeling, pretty matter of fact when it comes to things. She doesn't seem like a very emotional person, a bit robotic to be honest. This energy seems like there could be some bad news heading towards here, maybe a scandal, so she needs to be careful of that, but also I see her being stressed, or she thinks something bad could happen or some bad news will happen. Maybe she is dating someone, or did and feels that may come out. I see her worried about something.

I will end here. Her energy was hard to grasp. I don't feel I got to really know her to be honest. The messages were all over the place and didn't make much sense to me, but here energy was rather light, but a bit disconnected as well. Her energy is like meh I didn't find this at all exciting or that interesting, just got some messages. Hopefully some ya'll get something out of this. Actually, reading this back. I did find some interesting tidbits here.

[amadeoapologist]

i also think armand fundamentally does not know how to make people happy because he himself is unhappy. i was talking with my friend about louis and how louis still uses human markers of wealth and success that lestat and claudia and armand don't understand. louis wants to own things, he wants to invest in profitable endeavors. i don't think he wants to laze about in his wealth, but he wants to work hard and have it pay off and he wants to see the tangible products of his efforts.

and i'm bringing this up in relation to armand because i think this mindset explains some of the disconnect in dubai, beyond just the circumstances with lestat that got them there. because louis feels lobotomized to me in his cold modern penthouse where he's disconnected from his food, he's disconnected from other vampires, he doesn't work. he buys and sells artwork he appears to have only a passing interest in, he's tempered his accent. he sleeps in a bed and not a coffin, he eats at the table.

and i've been trying to wrap my head around that and how he ended up there, but i'm starting to think a lot of that is armand trying to give louis what he thinks louis wants to feel satiated. louis wants independence and nice things and obvious markers of wealth. so. have this penthouse with the most coldly, impersonally stylish decor. acquire this expensive artwork and then sell it so you can buy something more expensive. if you won't hunt, then here--dine on fine china.

i'm not saying armand holds all the money or anything, we don't know their finances. but i could see him continuously providing louis with expensive things in the hopes that will satisfy louis' desire to feel successful (and also because he has a metric fuckton to make up for and this is one way he tries), but it doesn't because what is louis doing to earn it? money makes money and it seems like louis doesn't have to do anything any more but coast, which is, as armand fears, boring. but idk if he knows how to address that because armand doesn't understand louis' perspective in the first place.

i think i love and empathize with armand so much because he's the one character on the show who feels, at his core, like he isn't good enough. i don't think this is as much a struggle for louis or lestat or claudia, but i think it is for armand. armand is pathetic. he's morally void, and he's too damn weak to grow a fucking backbone and stand by his choices without couching them in lies, because he can't accept being perceived as someone who would make those decisions. he wants affection. he craves approval.

(lmao old school a/n here--i wrote most of this before the finale and damn......i was spot on re: armand couching choices in lies lolololol)

people keep making posts about how armand seems a bit too invested in daniel's opinion of him. and obviously there's an armandiel bent to those, but i also think it's because daniel is the most objective person in the room. he isn't objective because he's tangled up in their story, too, but he's outside of the partnership. he's a journalist. he's an archivist of some version of the truth. and i think he wants daniel to see him how he wants to be seen. he didn't want daniel to think he was boring in san francisco, and he doesn't want daniel to think he's boring now decades later. he wants the external validation from someone outside of his unit to tell him he did the best he could. which obviously daniel won't do, which makes armand want it more.

there's a very good chance i'm completely wrong and talking out my ass and just a pathetic armand apologist myself, but idk. every episode makes me more curious about him. i started season 2 really disinterested in armand and lowkey put off by his presence. but the season has shifted things for me slowly but surely, and now i think armand is one of the most interesting characters on the show. and that makes me love him even more.

[bengiyo]

Don't Care for an Old Man's Underwear! Ep 8 Stray Thoughts

As always, this watch was made possible by @isaksbestpillow

Last time, Kakeru revealed to Mika and Moe that he wants to go to a premier makeup school, and will finish high school to make sure he qualifies. He had a good conversation with Hasegawa after being asked if he was gay, revealing that he sometimes finds either men or women admirable in their own ways but as yet has not felt love. Hasegawa expressed his admiration for Kakeru for never playing along with boy talk that also makes him uncomfortable. Kakeru also managed to form a new friendship with his rival. Makoto is struggling at work to keep his misogynistic senior from pissing off everyone, and it seems like Haranishi suppressed him with his bra for now. Makoto also unfortunately thought Kakeru was seeing two people and put his foot in his mouth again trying to be supportive. However, he did help Daichi by reassuring him that Madoka choosing him is also a valid choice, even as we all worry about Madoka giving up on being a vet to dodge his family's disappointment. Not to be forgotten, Makoto insisted that Mika enjoy the tickets they got for her.

I like how much easier the friendship between Daichi and Makoto feels at this point. Saying they help each other feels genuine.

Oh no. Is Daichi avoiding Madoka?

Looking forward to seeing more rude men at Makoto's job!

I love that Daichi doesn't lie to Kakeru about reaching out at Makoto's request.

Kakeru admitting that he took out his frustrations on his parents feels like an important step for him.

Oh no. Daichi is pulling back from Madoka, and now he's going to think Daichi is trying to get with Kakeru because Kakeru is so cute.

Hold on, I'm suddenly invested in Furuike trying to use the contacts he's built up across his career in a digital age that cuts down on human interactions.

Ah, Furuike knows the engineer who designed the copier and is trying to protect his reputation. He's also got little left in his life besides his idea of work and the efforts they made before, so he's trying to validate that their way of doing things wasn't completely wrong. Look at this show giving this unpleasant man recognizable humanity.

Okay, I was touched by the two old guys solving a problem together.

Also feels significant that Kakeru wanted to wait to talk to Makoto.

Aw, they get to bond over having similar troubles navigating human interactions.

"I respect your grit and perseverance. In order for them not to go to waste, would you please change with me?" is basically the plea the show is making to the masculine audience.

Not me crying because this old man made tea.

Kakeru teasing about never hearing his dad complain before also feels like a moment. I wonder if we'll return to Kakeru's comment about not being an adult.

Why do both Okita men blush the same way? Lol

For saying he stumbles constantly, Makoto recognized that Kakeru didn't tell him what he really wanted from that booth.

Oh, Kakeru. Once again this show hitting queer notes left behind in romance all the time. It's easy to resent people for not being able to understand you, but that's just hiding the loneliness and disappointment you feel at not being able to connect with them, too. Kakeru admitting that he's feeling sad that he can't be the son he wanted because his father is actively trying to be a father Kakeru can love and respect got me.

As always, Daichi doesn't tell Kakeru what to think, and reaffirms that Kakeru always has a choice in how to engage with the world.

Dammit, they got me again. Madoka explaining to Makoto how hard it is to tell your parents important things about yourself because of the huge stakes, and then trying to accept being dumped, is making my chest clench.

Oh, Makoto, finally your over sharing tendencies pay off.

Wow, this man is so tall that he could see Daichi over the crowd.

Ugly crying about Kakeru and Makoto talking out the baseball thing at the festival, and then Kakeru asking his dad to teach him how to use the pop gun to get what he wants for himself.

He let his dad put the necklace on him!

Daichi and Madoka are holding hands in public!

Well well well, Kakeru still has to face the boys on the baseball team.

This has quickly become one of my favorite shows of all time. She wasn't in this episode a lot, but Mika continues to be one of my favorites because of her instincts. She could tell that Kakeru wanted to face Makoto properly, so she makes sure to check in with him first before hovering to see that they're okay. She then later insists on sending Makoto to the festival in a yukata with Kakeru because she knows they need to do that together. If she doesn't insist on Makoto going and dressing up, he doesn't have that conversation with Madoka, and he doesn't make progress with Kakeru at the booth. She helped four men with her kindness and determination, and enabled her daughter to support her brother while also receiving validation about her hobby from her dad.

Makoto has come so far. I really loved him supporting his senior through the resolution of that work problem, and still telling him that his attitude was wrong. I also liked that he also got corrected by Shimura afterwards, who insists that he use respectful honorifics for her. He's finally earned the confidence of his team by being the leader they need him to be.

This show is excellent, and I've not cried this much watching a show in a long time.

[tiggymalvern]

I understand the sentiment, but I just want to let you know that your VOTE hashtag might be undermining your efforts. I think it’s great to demonstrate what the Biden administration HAS accomplished because it’s not being publicized and it’s helpful information to hear, but ending with a blunt VOTE is dismissive of where people’s anxieties and despair are coming from. Instead of leading with the conclusion you’ve drawn, I just ask you to consider changing the way you’re communicating with your audience so that they can get there with you. A lot of people who are saying “VOTE” are using it to ignore genuine critiques and while I think voting for Biden is still the best option, I think there are better ways to help people get to that understanding.

The VOTE hashtag on my posts means exactly that. Everything that I think about who people should vote for and why has been eloquently explained by the OP and in the additions. People are either going to read it and engage with it or they aren't, and one tag that I put on the bottom probably isn't going to change it.

The VOTE hashtag reflects my belief. I literally think everyone who is allowed to vote should turn up and vote. Even if, for whatever reason of your own, you feel you need to vote Republican or Alternative für Deutschland or National Rally, or whoever your local neo-fascists happen to be.

Throughout history, people have had to battle for the right to choose their government. There were monarchies or emperors, and nobody got to choose. Then in many countries only landowners were eligible to vote, and the people who worked the land were excluded. Then in various countries, all white men were allowed to vote, and women and people of colour might have all had to fight in their turn to get their right to vote.

Whatever category of human you are, some people somewhere marched and/or were arrested, jailed or killed so that YOU could have the chance to vote. My grandmother was nearly 30 when women in England were allowed to vote on the same terms as men. This is not ancient history. This is less than a hundred years ago. If you are eligible to vote, DO NOT waste it. Do not blithely toss aside the right that your grandparents risked everything for.

I have voted in every single election that I was eligible to vote in. There was one year when I was around 20 when the candidates for the three main parties in my local elections were all so awful that I couldn't vote for any of them. It was for the regional council, so there were no larger ramifications in the national voting block of the government. So I turned up and voted for the Monster Raving Loony Party as a protest vote. Doing that made it clear that I wasn't staying at home through apathy - not voting for any of the main candidates was an active choice, and it registered my vote as a rejection of all of them.

I have voted for the candidates I truly believe in. I have voted tactically, simply to make sure that the worst candidate didn't get chosen. But I have always, always voted, when I could. And I believe that everybody should, even if I also believe you're a misguided idiot in where you place your X.

I'm not allowed to vote in the US, where I currently live, because I'm not a US citizen. I also live in a blue state where I can guarantee that Dems will get elected without my vote, so I don't fret too much about being excluded. But I am excluded.

I believe that everybody should validate their ancestors' struggles and do their civic duty and show up at the polls if they're allowed. I also believe that you should educate yourself on the issues and the reasons before you do. So I reblog the posts about the issues and the reasons that I believe, in the hope that those candidates will be elected. But my tag VOTE isn't just to try and get Dems to turn out (although everyone knows that Dems win when turnout is high, because low turnout means fewer Dems, not so much fewer Republicans).

VOTE. Seriously. Everyone. Even, especially, if you live in a red state where arseholes in power are deliberately making it hard for you to vote. If Republicans ban you from mailing in your vote and make you stand in line for three hours at a polling station, that's all the more reason to do it - it's the same battle that has been fought before, and you damn well insist on your right to vote. It's inconvenient and miserable, but you're not being arrested or murdered for wanting to vote, the way other people before you have been.

Your rights have been hard won. Understand that, respect it, and vote.

[wileys-russo]

hello, since you liked my previous long ass ask a few days ago, im here again with more thoughts (and mostly compliments)

characters: i really like that the main characters of your stories have their own unique dynamics which change from fic to fic. for example, the childhood sweethearts protagonist reads different from a date to remember protagonist, and similarly fresa and pollito read much different from each other. yes, i see the similarities in them but I also see how they interact with others in their own unique ways, i enjoy that and I appreciate how they are consistent within their own series.

a lot of it comes down to how you write players (and I believe someone else also pointed this out recently but); their personalities make sense (ofcourse I don’t really know what they’re like irl but their interpretations make sense in a headcannon sort of way).  

(i digress here so feel free to ignore this part) this is something i notice in recent videogames as well, in most early videogames all characters were written as “empty shells” so people could project their own personalities onto them and “relate” to them better but modern video games have started to also give their main characters some personality traits which make them more likeable and easier to relate to which leads to better storytelling and quests.

(controversial?) but i really like that you don’t use the “y/n” thing, it just breaks the flow of conversations and I just think its neat when people find a way around it

(super controversial?) (forgive me) I don’t think I am an alessia girlie but I do love the way you write her.

she is lovely and talented and brilliant and its adorable how she answers every question with “ya its incredible…”

plot: ohf, i appreciate you trying to find unique prompts and settings. it takes time and effort and is a challenge to rethink setting and situation every time. Moreover, these things just take time ya know (and but as a reader its worth the wait).

i used to work on an animated series, and our writers used to struggle with things like character consistency, repetitive plots, dialogues etc so wanted to highlight these points and say good job. creating art in any form or shape or kind and posting it is nerve-wrecking and scary, so I appreciate everyone who tries.

tiny bits of slang and localisation is just so satisfying. a little bit of “hoover”, “crisps” or “arvo” depending on their intended nationality, makes me happy.  

----

finally, its time for some beef i.e an unserious reaction to things the reader does

cutting the crusts off toast: the crust is an important part of the toast; you cannot just cut it off?!?! 1/5.

Hate against olives and tomatoes: is this a texture thing? if yes, i get it. no i dont. 2.5/5.

Nail biting: the amount of gErMs NO!. -15/5.

fidgeting with jewelry: you must, you cannot not. 5/5

using chopsticks or a spoon to eat certain snacks: super valid. ate and left no crumbs (literally). 10/5.  

sticky notes to help study: effective. 7/5.  

reading a book poolside on vacation: -5/5 (will not be explaining this one)

smushing strawberries against your face instead of eating them: crime/10.

causing trouble and blaming it on someone else (mapi) – perfect/5. (+ all pollito fics are so funny)

----

as always, I hope you are well and have a good day :)

I once again am rendered speechless and wish I could say more but thank you so much for your kind compliments and thoughts, it means a lot!! 💞

[notsofine]

Hi, I'm wondering how you juggle your mental health issues with being a parent. Were you unwell when you had children? Are you worried your mental health problems might have an impact on your kids? As someone with long-term mental health issues but without children, I often wonder about my peers who do have kids. I hope your new psychiatrist can be of some help

My mental health issues have been long standing but I was in a pretty good place before having kids. I worked 5 days a week, was at the gym or pool daily, had a good, solid routine in place that worked. It kept me on track, it kept me safe.

Something about pregnancy threw everything out of whack. I struggled through horrific post partum anxiety with my first but I made it out the other side after a year and my child thrived. With my second things were difficult from the get go (unprepared, difficult pregnancy and traumatic birth) and that is when I really started to struggle.

We had supports put into place pretty early for our well-being and my children are a huge protective factor. I would never ask for help for myself but knowing that if I am not okay it affects my girls makes me much more likely to reach out when I realise things aren’t travelling too well.

I had no clue how big a trigger having kids would be for me so I do a lot work with my psychologist and make a big effort to validate, co regulate and show up the way I want to; essentially try as hard as possible to make sure their childhood was nothing like mine. My therapist reminds me that having lived it means I am more likely be able to empathise and validate how they are feeling and work with them instead of against them and when it comes to my girls if I feel like I’m drowning and I don’t know what I’m doing, I stop and ask. I mess up, I own it, I apologise, no buts.

Do I worry? Of course I do 😔 I worry my “faulty genes” have been passed down, when I see them pick a fight or throw something I worry it’s from modelling me, when I see them unable to regulate I worry that I haven’t done my job at teaching them these skills, I worry that they will one day start wondering why mummy is different, I keep a look out for signs of neurodivergence, anxiety; so many fears. So many worries. Can I keep them safe, how do I explain that the world can be so cruel. It never stops.

Sorry I got a bit side tracked 😅

[theweeklydiscourse]

If the “fanboys” can use fanfiction published books to back up their claims and arguments for what they support, why can the opposite group (who supports the sequel films and the actors who play those characters) not use the books written about the sequel characters for their own evidence? Since Ben Solo is the character of the moment, his earliest moments were documented in detail in books that are essentially published fanfiction by contract. Those books talk about how Palpatine groomed him in the womb and Leia felt darkness that she couldn’t get rid of, and how as a toddler Ben wanted to a pilot like his father but both of them prioritized their own careers instead and he nearly died by the household droids. It’s not in the films or comic books so it’s not valid. Really? That’s the argument against creators invested in his character and backstory? There’s also the comic book writer Charles Soule who made an attempt to cover the backstory featured in the Last Jedi film, and claimed that Adam Driver was his ghost writer. Considering that comic storyline took a left turn into a dozen different galaxies and is still traveling, it’s impossible to rationalize that any film arc would be parallel to the equivalent dumpster fire that the comics turned out to be. Because at the time that was released, the episode 9 script was not available to anyone including actors.

It’s okay to have a head canon that fills in the gaps between what a film shows and what it doesn’t. But when the head canon goes completely off script to become the opposite of the film information, that’s when there is a problem. It doesn’t benefit anyone when fans (not the narcissist fanboys) are attacked, by the same people who say they share beliefs, for defending head canons and source material that runs parallel to the films and what we are given of specific characters and their dynamics, instead of an idea that is 3 million separate solar systems away. At the same time, alot of the struggles that Ben Solo went through are not unique because it follows all of the textbook definitions and levels of abuse. People who have never experienced any of them firsthand literally are unable to empathize with his character. Luke has zero use for Ben. His own parents don’t understand him because he is so different. Leia is Force Sensitive. Han is not. Even books that describe how the Force works say that every Force Sensitive has different abilities. That easily explains why Leia can’t help him, Luke refuses to unless it benefits him, and Han can’t. Don’t forget that Palpatine is PuppetMaster over everything.

Then you have the narcissist fanboys who were so angry that Ben Solo existed that they were the ones who rewrote every single facet of lore and science within that universe. To the point where a Force Sensitive is not even allowed to become a Force Ghost. If that ability is removed by the writers or anyone else, then that person cannot be revived later for another story. Same for the World Between Worlds. You can’t have two people in the same lineage in the same inter dimensional space have different rules, when the rest of who visits doesn’t have those same restrictions. Therefore a Ben Solo resurrection film is impossible for the future.

The rage that Ben Solo evokes from SW fanboys is something that needs to be studied. Their efforts to erase him and write him off into oblivion is a clear example of the petty spitefulness that broke the myth for good. He’s been hated by the fanboys since TFA (despite what people might try to have you believe) and it all comes down to them hating the idea of his character being taken in a sympathetic direction. They don’t care about the themes or coherence of the myth, all they really want is an empty and badass spectacle that’ll momentarily satisfy them, but isn’t what they need.

The foundation of people’s inability to empathize with Ben’s character was laid way back in the TFA era. Since then, the half-baked headcanons that circulated around the fandom have morphed into an unrecognizable mass of unexplained problems people have with him. TLJ shows us evidence of the abuse he experienced and actively characterizes Ben Solo as a victim in a way that no one had expected post-TFA. He’s overtly sympathetic and his character serves as a reminder that it was a fanciful idea to think that someone would just spontaneously become evil because of their heritage. TLJ makes it so that he can’t be written off as the kid with perfect parents who just went crazy one day, instead he’s more than that.

Also, on the topic of the “Jedi prerequisite” for becoming a force ghost makes me quake with rage. It’s a bullshit rule that only exists to exclude certain characters from coming back and is used arbitrarily. The rules are constantly being rewritten and revised to suit whatever narrative the person making those rules wants to enforce. For the time being, DLF is averse to anything Ben related (even though he was wildly popular and mostly well-received) and given that Adam Driver isn’t coming back, I’ve lost all hope for a potential resurrection.

[tothepointofinsanity]

If I may, have you ever heard or played the game Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice? Since it has heavy themes on mental health and psychosis in particular, I was wondering how you, someone with schizophrenia, thought of the game, or at least the concept. Not that you need to be interested in it, of course, I just found it fascinating myself.

Anyway, your art is so cool and subversive. It really fits the theme and tone of madoka, especially sayaka.

Ah, thank you for the detailed ask ^^.

Firstly, I think I should clarify that I am [not] an individual who experiences schizophrenia nor psychosis. The “schizo-” term I throw around so often refers to the cluster of personality disorders that I do experience/have. This chart is an oversimplified example of Cluster A personality disorders, which is known as the “eccentric and odd” group. These symptoms can go way beyond just the ones listed below given everyone has their own unique experiences to begin with. They also do not necessarily always manifest as a prerequisite or side to schizophrenia, but they can intersect. It’s hard to find more diagrams for Cluster A that aren’t immediately slotted in with the other clusters because of how idiosyncratic they are, in a sense.

Essentially, what all this means is that I do not experience the positive symptoms of schizophrenia (such as hallucinations) on a basis that can be considered obstructive and result in a dysfunctional interaction between me and Reality. However, the disorder is of the Self, and instead poses hindrance to how I perceive and engage with people living in Reality. Energy is spent preserving yourself and 95% of your time is spent daydreaming and crafting intricate fantasies. Self fulfilment feels like a bottomless need and priority [to me anyways, since other schizoids have other values]. Both negative and positive symptoms impair facets of the individual’s life, most notably socially and interpersonally.

Just wanted to put this out there since it means I cannot provide a valid comment on how the game’s personally shows psychosis. Because I do not have it. Apologies for the confusion and ramble on my end as well as possibly explaining something you might already know.

However, from an academic standpoint, I had looked into the game, and apparently the developers worked alongside neuroscientists, mental health practitioners and even real people with the condition to ensure accuracy of portrayal, which is appreciated. Too many companies tend to consult only professionals on these topics instead of, well, people who live with these conditions. The end product is always different when you actually talk to people with it, and based on the clips I watched, there is definitely good research devoted into its craft. The times where Senua struggles with the darkness and has her thoughts scrambled all over the place while voices instruct her to do things seems to be the hallmark of this. She also appears to undergo dissociative states, which is something I do not often see in games; that realistic overlap of symptoms that aren’t just, “oh my God the voices!” Ah. That’s cool, to see more games put effort in such time into researching psychological topics and issues instead of building it sloppily on stereotypes. I like it, and I have read comments of how the game’s portrayal of Senua’s mental health resonates with a handful of people. If people can find comfort in it, I would not have anything to complain anyways.

Hellblade reminds me of another game with a similar premise. Have you heard of Cry of Fear? If you enjoy games that are more psychological, CoF is an appropriate contender. More games about mental health struggles are always neat since they tend to be founded on different mechanics and playing experiences.

And thank you for the kind words about my art works! Sayaka is my favourite character, and I struggled a lot with trying to draw her at the start as well as finding a suitable art style. I’m glad a lot of people end up liking it. 🙇‍♂️

[themrswallace]

Was trying to talk about this last night before I went to sleep but my phone glitched and the draft that was apparently saved WASN'T sooooo here we go again! TAKE 2! -- Big WIP, currently dabbling in the fire that lights DL's villain arc for the chapter where they run away and attempt to make the world suffer for their untreated mental illness: Thus far I'm playing things as a delayed realisation Wallace and Gromit are human, in a manner of speaking, I mean they're no different from us, fallible and ignorant in moments and possible of common neglect via brushing things under the rug or waving issues away as just typical silly little occurrences, not outright denying but as we know from Wallace especially, he does not handle negativity well, if at all, the man has his minute of upset then it's right on to the next thing, that in itself is canon fodder for the COTWR reboot because he's already feeding the fire for that. I like the thought that the villain arc is more of a cry for help, an inability to come to terms with being treated similarly to how they were in their own world, having their troubles swept aside by people they believed to be the most capable of handling them, of assisting and getting DL access to mental healthcare as was their self-allocated job having taken them in. Okay, let's say Gromit and Fluffles at the least TRY to talk to Wallace or get his attention to DL's personal changes, yes they're 20 at this point so why can't they take themselves to the GP? Well along with these mental struggles, their power is becoming unruly and how do you explain that?? They've developed this trust in Wallace and Gromit to be capable of working things out so you can imagine when DL has a very common descent into depression, paranoia, and helplessness and NEEDS someone to take the reigns and guide them toward greener pastures, the only ones they trust, the only human, turns around and acts completely oblivious to all of it, acting as though it's simply teenage hormones still balancing themselves, entering adulthood and struggling to not be given allowances for those younger, the puppies taking up what should be their attention as by now Wallace has realised DL is partial to being treated a certain way, and consider for a moment how emotionally devastating that is! You are saying to someone- "I am in pain, I am struggling here, terrifying things are happening to me and I need your help" and it's going right over Wallace's head, played off as childish nonsense, the change, things he has no real idea about because Wallace and Gromit have never been introduced to these types of problems. The chapter is about a loss of faith, DL reverting back to their original state of scepticism and distrust and self-preservation because everyone (Apart from Fluff) has just proven they're not worth the time or effort, they're heartbroken, rejected, similar to Gromit in The Wrong Trousers, you're not surprised when they act up or run away because this is something that could have easily been avoided through communication and Wallace not being a self-absorbed idiot, opening his ears to the suffering of others. After all, this is something he canonically does through the episodes and movies, comics, and books, everyone falls to the back of his consideration at some point, even himself! and it's no shock when DL displays signs of that neglect, becoming unstable, nasty, quick to anger, and spiteful for the sake of causing misery because they are hurting.

Obviously, two wrongs don't make a right, but they are validated in this chapter to some extent and you don't just see someone go from snarky and rebellious to downright malevolent, you watch a survivor of child abuse develop an attachment to this new, odd portrayal of an upstanding family and get sideswiped by the reality they're not perfect either, not terrible by any means but...they're human, and DL can't...accept that yet, can't imagine Wallace pulling the same blind eye their parents did. It breaks them because he's supposed to be in control of things and capable and it's one of the moments they see he's far from it. Again you get why they become the person they do because DL is almost...enraged he's not the person they need him to be, for them, for everyone!

[quirksphere]

Effective Parenting Techniques: Nurturing Your Child’s Growth

Parenting is one of the most rewarding yet challenging roles in life. Every parent wants to raise happy, confident, and responsible children, but there’s no universal rulebook for success. The way parents interact with their children plays a crucial role in their emotional, social, and cognitive development.

Raising children requires patience, consistency, and adaptability. As children grow, their needs change, and parents must adjust their approaches accordingly. This guide explores effective parenting techniques that help nurture a child's growth in a healthy and positive manner.

Key Takeaways

Raising children requires a balance of love, discipline, and guidance.

Positive parenting fosters self-esteem, emotional security, and independence.

Setting boundaries and encouraging open communication are essential.

Understanding a child's unique personality helps tailor parenting techniques.

Leading by example teaches valuable life skills and morals.

Understanding Effective Parenting

What Does It Mean to Be an Effective Parent?

Effective parenting is about providing a safe, loving, and structured environment where children can thrive. It includes:

Encouraging emotional and intellectual growth.

Teaching responsibility and problem-solving skills.

Supporting a child’s individuality while instilling good values.

Maintaining consistency in discipline and expectations.

The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Parenting

Raising children requires emotional intelligence, which involves:

Recognizing and managing one’s own emotions.

Teaching children to express and regulate their feelings.

Practicing empathy and understanding their perspectives.

Building a Strong Parent-Child Relationship

The Power of Positive Communication

Effective communication strengthens trust and connection. Parents can:

Encourage open and honest discussions.

Listen actively without interrupting or judging.

Validate their child's emotions and experiences.

Quality Time vs. Quantity Time

Spending meaningful time with children matters more than the number of hours spent together. Try:

Engaging in activities that your child enjoys.

Creating family traditions like game nights or storytelling.

Having one-on-one time to strengthen bonds.

Building Trust and Respect

Trust and respect are essential in raising children. Parents should:

Keep promises and be reliable.

Respect their child's thoughts and opinions.

Set fair and consistent rules.

Discipline Strategies That Work

Setting Clear Boundaries and Expectations

Children feel secure when they know what is expected of them. Parents should:

Establish clear and consistent rules.

Explain the reasons behind rules.

Use age-appropriate consequences for misbehavior.

Positive Reinforcement vs. Punishment

Encouraging good behavior is more effective than focusing on punishment. Try:

Praising efforts and accomplishments.

Using reward systems for motivation.

Redirecting negative behavior instead of harsh punishment.

Teaching Problem-Solving Skills

Helping children develop problem-solving skills empowers them to handle challenges. Parents can:

Guide children to think through solutions.

Encourage them to take responsibility for their actions.

Teach conflict resolution skills.

Encouraging Emotional and Social Development

Teaching Empathy and Kindness

Empathy is a crucial trait in raising children. Parents can:

Model empathy in daily interactions.

Encourage perspective-taking in conflicts.

Praise acts of kindness and compassion.

Developing Social Skills

Strong social skills help children build positive relationships. Encourage:

Playing cooperatively with peers.

Practicing good manners and respect.

Resolving disagreements peacefully.

Handling Tantrums and Emotional Outbursts

Children experience big emotions they may struggle to control. Help them by:

Staying calm and not reacting with anger.

Teaching deep breathing and self-soothing techniques.

Acknowledging their feelings and offering support.

Fostering Independence and Responsibility

Allowing Children to Make Choices

Giving children appropriate choices fosters decision-making skills. Parents can:

Let them choose between options (e.g., what to wear, what snack to have).

Encourage them to take responsibility for their choices.

Teach consequences in a supportive way.

Encouraging Age-Appropriate Responsibilities

Children gain confidence by contributing to family responsibilities. Try:

Assigning small chores like setting the table.

Encouraging self-care routines (e.g., brushing teeth, organizing toys).

Gradually increasing responsibilities as they grow.

Teaching Life Skills for Future Success

Raising children to be independent includes teaching essential life skills such as:

Basic cooking and household tasks.

Money management and saving habits.

Time management and organizational skills.

Conclusion

Raising children is a journey that requires patience, consistency, and love. Effective parenting techniques help nurture a child's emotional, social, and intellectual growth. By fostering open communication, setting clear boundaries, and leading by example, parents can raise confident, responsible, and compassionate individuals.

Every child is unique, and parenting approaches may need adjustments over time. What remains constant is the need for love, support, and guidance. By practicing positive parenting, parents create a nurturing environment where children can thrive and reach their full potential.

FAQs

1. What is the best parenting style for raising children?

The authoritative parenting style is often considered the most effective. It balances warmth and support with clear expectations and discipline.

2. How can I improve communication with my child?

Encourage open conversations, actively listen to their concerns, and validate their feelings. Avoid dismissing their emotions or being overly critical.

3. How do I handle a child who refuses to follow rules?

Be consistent with consequences, set clear expectations, and use positive reinforcement to encourage good behavior. Offer choices to give them a sense of control.

4. What are some effective ways to build my child's self-confidence?

Praise their efforts rather than just results, encourage them to try new things, and teach them problem-solving skills.

5. How can I teach my child responsibility?

Start with small tasks, provide guidance, and allow them to make age-appropriate decisions. Gradually increase their responsibilities as they grow.

[fizzingwizard]

After the first video last night I watched a few others from the same program.

I was underwhelmed by the knowledge level of most involved in the feminist/anti-feminist debate (again with the caveat that they are all brave for going in there in the first place, being recorded, and talking off the cuff). The men on the anti-feminist side seemed very set in their ways, and the men on the feminist side struggled to define "patriarchy." So, while I respect the effort, I wasn't sure what to think about this program.

I watched a few more videos and was back and forth on how I felt about them. Some of the arguments were just so basic, and sometimes no one seemed to come to the table with any intention of hearing what others had to say. The simplifications, plus the reliance on unreliable memory and anecdotes, kinda had me on the fence about how much these videos could achieve.

Then I watched this one: "Men's Rights Activitists and Feminists." I thought it was much better than the feminists and anti-feminists video. The feminists knew what they were talking about with more clarity. The MRA side also had clear views and were not your typical incel on the internet just trying to make women an easy target. Of course I didn't agree with plenty that was said, by either group, and there's a woman on the MRA side who was truly insufferable. But even she said things that humanized her. By and large both groups appeared thoughtful, like they actually care about social issues and are not trying to cast blame for no reason.

I watched a few other videos that were more simplistic and where those involved seemed less informed and less interested in understanding another's views (more interested in expressing their own). So it's a toss up what kind of video it will be based on the group that is chosen.

But honestly I think this video series is really great. I can definitely say for myself, and I know for other people, that it is very difficult to have a good, honest discussion about controversial topics... pretty much ever. At home, you risk ruining Thanksgiving dinner, or your kid saying they never want to speak to you again, etc. Online, you get piled on by trolls and dumbasses who can't differentiate between genuine questioning and seeking answers and straight up hatred. There's a very valid argument that people in marginalized groups shouldn't be constantly expected to educate others. They're right about that. I have no desire to waste my breath explaining to every incel who comes to my askbox why, yes, women's opinions do in fact matter. There's the story of the student who is the only back kid in their class being called on by their teacher time after time to "give the black perspective." And there are ton of bad faith actors who are just trying to trick you into saying something they can spin out of context to make you look bad.

At the same time, conversation is the only way we learn to understand each other. Conversation is the only way we begin to see each other as humans. Division does just that - divides. Unfortunately, "marginalized groups shouldn't be forced to educate" and "society will not change without education" can both be true. And no, you can't just google things. If I google "do women's opinions matter," I'll get a bunch of reddit threads by women-haters about why nope, they don't. And if I enter that community, they will probably be more accepting of me and more interested in educating me their way. It's not because they're such nice people by comparison. It's because they're passionate, while marginalized groups are exhausted from trying to prove our equal value since... forever. It's totally unfair but it's reality.

These videos bring diverse groups of consenting people together for the purpose of discussion. They won't alienate family members. They won't be dog-piled. Of course the discussions are sometimes rough, some people are misinformed, and some don't know what they're talking about at all. But I think they're a breath of fresh air. We need more respectful conversation everywhere.

Various thoughts on the MRA/Feminists video below.

There's one guy on the MRA side who is straight up a progressive - he honestly seemed even more to the left than the feminists. He was even asked "Why are you an MRA?" Apparently he's a progressive who identifies as an MRA because he cares about men's issues. It was very interesting to see the discomfort there was from all with a progressive MRA - the feminists seemed surprised, and the other MRAs ending up seeming outnumbered. But the video's theme wasn't "progressives vs conservatives," so... unless MRAs want to clearly define themselves as conservative only, I guess they have to deal with him. He was very well-spoken and to me seemed genuine.

I also thought it was interesting how one of the MRA guys, who seemed like a guy I would absolutely like in real life, had these confusing beliefs about men and women and heteronormativity. He reminded me of my dad in the way he said he thinks women are equal to men and shouldn't have to be mothers if they don't want to - but also that the definition of masculinity is to "be providers and protectors" and that women who don't have children on the whole feel unfulfilled. He thinks women are meant to be mothers and submissive to men, but that we should have the choice to make bad choices that will hurt us is the message I get. I mean kudos for thinking we should have choices I guess? lol. I couldn't get into his head. I think he is a smart person who does care, but boy, it would be hard to have a coherent conversation about this stuff with him.

Nothing got resolved in the end, but no one would reasonably expect a random group of people in a random video to solve the problems of society. What I was impressed by was hearing different viewpoints conveyed mostly with respect. I do think a middle ground was found in the sense that everyone was humanized.

For me, it made me think about the wholly useless semantic argument around terms like MRA and feminist. Most of my experience with MRAs, first of all is online, and is of course full of anti-woman hate and toxicity. Men have real issues that matter, but I didn't see MRAs as actually caring about them. I also know that there are men (and some women) who feel that feminism is so female-oriented that it ignores or damages men. That's not what I feel about it, but it's some people's experience. And, also online, I have encountered feminists with toxic beliefs. What I felt after watching the video was that I don't want to argue with someone about whether the should or should not identify as an MRA. If they're like most of the MRAs in this group (the one woman was pretty extreme), actually caring about what men in modern society experience and improving their quality of life, without requiring that women be less than we are to protect the male ego, then they've got good intentions and can have a positive impact. That's way more important than how they choose to describe themselves. If they espouse anti-female beliefs, I will judge them. But I also expect that feminists who espouse anti-male beliefs (or racist or transphobic etc) will be similarly judged. I don't want to be lumped in with those feminists. I certainly can't call myself an MRA. But I don't like terms like "egalitarian" because it ignores the gender-specific harm in social systems.

You'll never convince me that worldwide women are not second class citizens. I'm very lucky to grow up in the period I have, and I strongly feel that women's liberty is constantly under threat even in countries like the US. I think it would take just one big war for men, ravaged by the trauma of warfare, to feel patriarchy is justified and that women's submission is what is owed to them as the warriors who risk so much. I think women's rights is seen even by feminist men as overall and ornamental issue. Women want jobs for "happiness," not survival like men. Women want independence and choice for "happiness," when if they decide they don't want those things, they can just be supported by men. Women's rights is a gift men give us rather than something inherent. Obviously that's not what I believe at ALL but it IS how I feel women's rights is often viewed. As something not really necessary but nice to have. I think there's a reason why so much of women's freedoms didn't emerge until we achieved a certain level scientific progress, dispelling myths about women's capabilities, making housework and labor for everyone easier and less time-consuming, and enabling longer periods of peacetime (even when we're at war, people at home can still go about their lives as if it's peacetime... very different from WWII!) I'm sure there are plenty of people who disagree with me and think women's rights are here to stay. I hope they're right, but I don't think they are, and I think the fight to prove our worth is ongoing.

Life is suffering. Men and women both suffer, but the way to treat our suffering is not always the same. So I prefer to identify as a feminist. By the same reasoning, men should get to identify as MRA. How we are judged should be based in what we belief and what we set out to achieve. If that's toxic, cancel us. If it's positive, don't reject it because you don't like the language used.

[nowheretobebut]

Finding Meaning Beyond Expectations

Sometimes, we get so caught up in our expectations—whether they're high or low—that we forget to enjoy life as it is. We find ourselves struggling to:

Lower our expectations to meet the reality: This can be disappointing and pointless after a while, because you may think "What's the point of socializing if I'm constantly being disappointed? There are many people that aren't patient enough to understand me, and the ones that do, find other ways to show me life can never get as good as it is in my head." This may make you feel like an outsider all the time, even though that's not what you should focus on at all. individuality isn't against socializing, but it can make socializing difficult if brought in in the wrong time/context.

Higher our surroundings to meet our expectations: This can be exhausting too, because trying to change everything, teaching the world about your worth (when it should be inferred), and preaching about your values isn't always the answer. It can be draining to be against the world all by yourself; it's like trying your hardest to keep something that's changing at its own free will in your tiny hands and direct them.

At the end, we end up crossing out so many people and memories just because they don't fully meet our standards, only to find ourselves isolated and disengaged. This will make life feel like a constant battle, with either your high expectations or low surroundings. I get it, it sometimes is, because it's our expectations that motivate us to try hard and get out of a swamp, but it shouldn't "always" be the case.

But maybe it’s not about bringing our fantasies to life or seeking external validation. Maybe it’s not about finding someone who shares your thoughts and smiles at the coincidence, someone who emerges with you in the moment. Maybe it’s not about finding the perfect moment to do something, or even the best place to be either. Yes, those things are wonderful—to have a friend who understands you as deeply as your favorite author, to experience a moment as amazing as your favorite movie scene. But it’s important to recognize that not everyone is like this. Sometimes, perfection is simply doing the thing itself in a given situation, and sometimes, even our best efforts aren't the absolute best there is to be.

Many people come from such different backgrounds that it’s almost impossible for them to understand your side of things; no matter how much you explain, they just don’t get it. They might prefer to live a life of forced positivity and energy flows rather than dive into deeper meanings, science, or philosophy, because that’s what works for them, and that's valid. Sometimes, the approaches that seem out of question, might bring us what we're looking for; sometimes, we’re trapped in loops of self-fulfilling prophecies and echo chambers, and the only way out is to embrace these new perspectives. It may feel unfair when you seem to be the only open-minded one, but sometimes it'll work out for you in another way; Sometimes, life is about discovering new things about yourself—the person you’ll be with all your life. The more you learn about yourself, the better you’ll know where and what to seek for the deeper connections and enriched experiences you crave.

When you view the world through the lens of your expectations, everything can seem flawed. But here’s the thing—if you look at the world as it is, enjoy what you can (and if you can’t, acknowledge that and try something else later), you’ll start to see that life doesn’t always follow your plans. Because what you want are your fantasies:

Your fantasies: Your wishes might mean someone else's misery; on the contrary, you may flourish in others' worst fears. Everyone's time will come, there's enough good experiences and wishes commanded for everyone. The universe doesn’t care about any of us, but that doesn’t mean it’s against us. It’s just moving along its own path, and sometimes we like the stops along the way, and sometimes we don’t.

Your fantasies: When you look at the world with your ruler (expectations, fantasies, or rules) everything feels imperfect. But that's the thing, look at the world as it is, enjoy it as much as you can (and if you couldn't, acknowledge that so that you'll give something else a try another time), and think about all the times you wanted something that happened, ended up bad or good in the future, or when you didn't want something to happen, and ended up bad or good in the future. Sometimes, you have to be patient to get what you want, and some other times, you have to forget about it completely and be content with what you can get at the moment. It doesn't mean the universe is torturing you as an individual to teach you a lesson of pain and suffering, it just means it is what it is, with no meaning behind. Meeting the expectations isn't always the goal, expectations are only a way of both motivating and guiding you to be in a better situation, let it be occupationally, romantically, financially, etc. Don't let your expectations take full control of your sense of fulfilment.

[free--therapy]

hi anon here. this is going to be a long story.

so i am in a relationship and i had a fight with my partner (let's call them rann). now i was mad about something and called them. i tried to talk about the problem and everything and they were quiet the whole time. the thing about rann is that they go on the defensive whenever anyone is angry with them. i think it has something to do with their past and the people around them.

as for me, i am not used to expressing my feelings and i am learning how to do so. hence recently i have been getting mad about things and trying to express them, leading to rann getting defensive. and i don't like being mad as it leaves me in a foul mood and it tests my patience a lot. it also takes away a lot of my energy and frankly, i am a soft person and this "don't text, be hard or strict" attitude doesn't work or suit me. i end up struggling.

we live in a place where mental health isn't given a priority at all and we're probably both neurodivergent. we're both not very good at expressing things or talking. i am bad at expressing my needs and rann finds it difficult to come up with what to say in different situations.

there has to be a way to find balance between my side and rann's. i don't know how to find that balance and i am wondering what can be done? my friends give me tips that usually work for people but i have noticed that whenever i try those things, nothing really goes well. maybe i do it all wrong. i don't know.

one more thing.. rann says that they don't need to know all about me and stuff. how do i tell them that we're in a relationship and things are different when it's a relationship and i do want them to be aware of me and that relationships are an evolving thing and that one has to put efforts into it. how do i explain it all? i want to talk to them about all this but i don't know where to begin and how to go about this conversation.

thanks for taking the time for this. :)

Hey Anon!

I absolutely feel and understand your frustration. You obviously care for Rann and want to have some resolution to how you're feeling about this experience, which is great.

I hope you don't mind if I ask you some questions to get a bit more context. Right now I can really only go off of assumptions, which I don't always like to do because I don't have the whole picture and I feel bad giving advice if I'm missing the mark on the situation, so I'll do my best!

When you called them when you were mad, what was your tone like? Assuming they grew up in an environment that was chaotic, shutting down and being quiet is likely something they naturally do because it's a trauma response (freeze/fawn response). If your tone made them feel like they were back in that old environment, then they're going to react the same way. This is why it's important to approach conversations in a calm tone with anyone so that they'll be more receptive to what you're saying or asking of them instead of immediately going into defensive mode. This can take a lot of self-control, but you'll thank yourself for it if you don't immediately act/react when you're mad as well. If you can find a healthier way to channel the anger and then come back to the situation in a calmer state, ready to express yourself in a way that they can receive it better, it can help a lot. I'm not at all suggesting that your feelings of anger are not valid, but a lot of people are usually quick to resort to repeating certain behaviors that they were taught when they were younger because they know it as normal. (This is assuming that you also may have grown up in a chaotic environment as well. Again, an assumption, but I don't have much context here)

I know a lot of people love to throw around the word neurodivergent on Tumblr, but honestly, I think a lot of people have just grown up in homes (myself included) that were broken and chaotic, with parents that didn't know how to regulate their own emotions, so they took it out on us and now we're repeating their same behaviors because it's all we know. This also includes the inability to communicate effectively (we like to assume people should "just know" or be able to read our minds about things).

It really boils down to having a mature conversation about what each of you expect from the relationship and what you're looking to get out of it. But in saying that, also be prepared to maybe hear something you weren't expecting or may not like. I think you guys should be on the same page with most things and work together to make sure it's as harmonious as you want it to be. Personally, I think it's strange that Rann doesn't want to know about you, did they say why? I mean, it's also possible that Rann doesn't have that figured out either, especially if they struggle to communicate or express their feelings. Does Rann ever get frustrated with you when you ask those sort of things? I think it's fair for you to have your questions answered and your needs for the relationship met.

Let me know if you can :)