#in case she wants to email or text back...

[roosterforme]

Covering the Classics Part 12 | Bob Floyd x OC

Summary: When Anna noticed that a new poem by her favorite, amateur writer had been posted, she was afraid to read the finality in his tone. But Bob always managed to surprise her. And maybe she could find a way to surprise Kevin, too.

Warnings: Angst, Kevin is a dick, adult language, 18+

Length: 3600 words

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x Female OC (this story is part of the Beer Boy/Sugar and Jake/Jessica universe)

Covering the Classics masterlist. Check my masterlist for more!

After that, it was radio silence. Anna didn't reach out to Bob, and he didn't try to either. He went to the Hard Deck on Friday night and lasted about an hour before excusing himself. Nobody asked him why he was bailing after one ginger ale and a single cup of peanuts, and that was enough to tell him that everyone knew. Everyone knew he slept with Anna. Everyone knew she was married. Everyone knew that they shouldn't talk about it in front of him for fear that the ladies would snap their necks. Even Nat was being very kind and considerate which wasn't really like her at all. 

When Bob was halfway to the door, he felt a small hand curl around the back of his bicep. "I'll see you tomorrow night for D&D?"

He nodded down at Jessica's hopeful face. "Yeah. I can pick you up if you want."

Her face brightened a little bit. "I'll text you in the morning." He turned to walk out, and her hand slid down his arm. "Hey, Bob? Don't give up hope on her, okay?"

He didn't know how to respond, so he just kept walking. He had no idea what to say or what to think. It wasn't like he could stop loving someone overnight. He didn't really want to either. Anna's life was quite frankly messier than he had ever expected. She did a pretty good job of hiding it from everyone, and it seemed like she would have continued down that path if they didn't have sex. And that was the other issue; it wasn't just sex to Bob. Anna knew about the things he tried to hide himself, and she seemed to want him in that moment anyway. 

Her words from the previous night made him ache. 

'You're perfect. You're Sky Writing. You're the handsome man from the bookstore who smells like tea and soap. You're Bob, the guy my friends knew I would fall in love with as soon as I met them.'

If that meant she was in love with him or that she thought she could be someday, then he was afraid to walk away from her. But now he was terrified of getting hurt or somehow hurting Anna like Kevin had. Part of him believed if he could just see Anna's husband with his own eyes, confirm that he was exactly the way she described him, then he might be able accept that she just needed time to settle her divorce and to heal. If that was the case, he wanted to make it work. 

In the meantime, when he got home, he ended up standing in his living room, staring at his bookshelf before going upstairs and staring at his bed. He could still picture her red hair all spread out for him. He could still feel it between his fingers as the silky strands slid along his palm. He could taste her on his tongue. He could hear her telling him what she wanted.

Bob picked up his computer and slipped under the covers, knowing he wasn't going to be able to sleep right now.

----------------------------

It had been there since early Saturday morning. A new one. Anna desperately wanted to read it and memorize it like she had the others, but she was afraid to face the finality. Her email alert mocked her every time she looked at it.

Sky Writing has posted a new, original work! Click the link below to check out the subscriber that you follow!

Bob wrote a new poem, and she didn't think she could handle reading exactly how he viewed her now. He'd never be like Kevin, openly belittling her or putting her down, but she knew the shiny packaging had been removed now, and he saw what was really inside. Just a mess of a human. She put off reading it and put off reading it, but when she was sitting at her desk at work on Monday, she made herself decide between reading the new poem or calling Kevin. After a fairly short debate, she decided to read the poem. It was probably so bad, calling Kevin later wouldn't even feel painful in comparison. 

She tapped on the link in her email and was taken to something so unexpected, she gasped as she read it.

There is empty space on my bookshelf,

The one I bought with you in mind.

I didn't know it was for you at the time,

But one night made it obvious,

Before an instance took it.

Reality surpassed intention today.

Your worn favorites and mine pristine,

Should mingle and mix,

Genre forgotten.

Dog eared pages became so endearing.

But I'll never see them on my shelf,

Unless you come back and stay this time.

The format was different from what he usually wrote, but it was so obviously Sky Writing. So obviously Bob. So obviously about her. And he didn't sound angry. Could he possibly miss her after everything she did and said?

She jumped when her phone vibrated on her desk, and for a split second, she believed it could be Bob. Her heart beat faster with anticipation, but it was from somebody else.

Jessica Reed: If you don't come down to this weird tree right now, we're going to come up and get you.

Anna had lost track of time. It was after noon now. She knew that her friends were trying to make sure she was holding herself together after she refused to go to the Hard Deck over the weekend. How could she continue to go somewhere that Bob had the rights to first? It wasn't until she read his Sky Writing poem that she thought perhaps there was a chance he might not only be okay with her presence but perhaps even miss her like she missed him.

With her sad little lunch in hand, she dragged herself down to the quad, trying to decide when was the best time to call Kevin. She was tired of going through lawyers who couldn't seem to get him to budge, and each ninety day window just ate away at more of her soul. She should have been so much more careful with her writing when she had the opportunity, and now he'd completely locked her out of being able to access it. 

No, she was going to have to beg him, plead with him, anything it took to get what she wanted without giving away where she'd moved. Maybe if he agreed to let her have her manuscript, one of her friends would let her borrow money for a flight back to New Jersey to retrieve it. She was getting ahead of herself, but she couldn't help it. She needed to at least get this one thing.

"There she is!"

Anna looked up to see her friends directly in front of her on the bench by the tree, and the fact that they both looked happy to see her made her heart ache. "Hi," she said softly as she sat down between them when they both scooted over.

"Hummus?" her friend asked, passing along a container while she bit into her perfect looking chicken salad sandwich on artisan bread. Anna accepted a few bites of Bradley's gourmet snack, because she was absolutely starving today.

"Thanks," she murmured, and she let herself sink into the background a little bit as the two other women continued the conversation they'd been having. Now that she was down here with his friends, she couldn't stop thinking about Bob again. His soft hair and his kind eyes. The way he always paid attention to her when she was talking. How good he made her feel.

She listened to her friends argue about alumni weekend for a few minutes before she finally cut them off to ask, "Has Bob said anything about me?" Both of them looked at her, and she quickly added, "I can't stop thinking about him."

Jessica smiled softly and said, "Not a word, but I've never seen him look so sad. And I mean that in a good way, because although I know he's confused and hurt, I'm pretty sure he just misses you."

"But," the other woman quickly cut in, "the most important thing right now is making sure you take care of yourself. Even if you are in love with Bob."

"Oh!" Jessica exclaimed. "I have an idea! We could just kill Kevin!"

Anna snorted in spite of herself. "That would actually solve a lot of my problems. Maybe even all of them."

"Only one problem with that," Advanced Calculus said blandly. "You're not a killer, Jessica."

"I could kill someone," Jessica muttered under her breath, and truly Anna almost laughed, because Jessica Reed was one of the gentlest people she'd ever met. The most violent thing about her was her Dungeons & Dragons character. "I could at least probably slap him."

"He wouldn't know what hit him," Anna said, and all three women erupted into laughter. And it felt so strange to feel genuine happiness, even if it only lasted for a few seconds, that Anna almost started crying. As their amusement died down, she asked her friends, "Do you think.... Bob would respond if I texted him?"

Jessica squeaked, and then both women said, "Yes."

---------------------------

Bob was back to square one. Back at the bookstore. He was fifteen minutes early. He was already looking through the Classics. He was about to meet up with Anna. He was nervous.

Nat scoffed when he told her where he was going, and he truly did appreciate that his friend wanted him to proceed with caution, but she just didn't understand how Anna made him feel. Being friends with her after sleeping together a total of one time might kill him, but he knew that was probably all he could have now.

It was almost like he could sense that she was there. He looked up from the Shakespeare volume in his hand, and he saw her walk in the door. As he got closer to the loft railing, he saw her glance up and meet his eyes like it was some depraved version of Romeo and Juliet. She mouthed the word Hi before she headed for the stairs, and in less than a minute, she was standing right in front of him. 

Anna looked nervous, but everything else was just the same. Those perfect freckles decorated her face. Her brown eyes were bright. Her pretty hair was in a messy braid. He saw her burgundy nail polish as she fidgeted with her denim jacket. He wanted to know if she still thought he was the kind of person she could love. He wanted to ask her if her husband was any closer to signing papers. Instead he said, "I was surprised when you texted me."

Her eyes went wide, and he wished he could shove his foot in his mouth as she started looking around anywhere but at his face. "I need some books for my feminist literature course, and I just thought maybe you'd like more books for your bookshelf."

Had she read his newest poem? It was a sloppy one that he wrote late on Friday night and posted on a whim. She could have deleted her account by now or vowed never to read anything else by Sky Writing. But that didn't stop the poem from being about her.

"I do need some more books for my shelves," he replied, and her eyes finally settled on his again. "And you don't have to be nervous around me. I know you're dealing with a lot, and I promise I won't touch you or anything."

Now she just looked sad and distraught, but she nodded and turned down the very aisle where they first met. Bob had to fight to keep a few feet of space between them as she said, "I'm looking for Mary Wollstonecraft, Charlotte Perkins Gilman, and Elizabeth Cady Stanton."

They worked their way slowly up and back down each aisle, falling into a natural conversation in spite of the awkwardness between them. In spite of the way Bob couldn't keep himself from looking at her as she ran her fingers along the spines. When she wanted something that was on a top shelf, he reached it down for her. When her hands got full, he offered his up for her use. And to his delight and also sadness, she kept recommending books for him along the way. That's how he ended up with Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day as well as The Importance of Being Earnest in his hand when she led the way downstairs to pay.

Bob cleared his throat as Anna reached into her pocket for some cash. "I can get them."

Her brown eyes snapped up to meet his, and her cheeks turned pink. He already knew what Kevin did, and while he didn't think there was any harm in saying it, he could tell that she at least had her pride intact. "The college is going to reimburse me," she said firmly before handing forty dollars across the counter.

"Right," Bob said before paying for his own books. When they walked out into the fading sunlight, he looked down into her pretty face. "Will you let me drive you home? Not because I think I need to, but because I want to?"

She seemed at war with herself as she looked across the street and pressed her lips together. But her eyes fluttered closed and she said, "I would really appreciate that."

The interior of his truck was quiet the whole way as their books sat on the seat between them. Only the soft hum of the radio helped Bob hold his thoughts at bay. The ride wasn't too long, and when they were most of the way there, Anna finally spoke. 

"I'm going to deal with my shit. I promise."

Unsure exactly how he should respond, Bob simply said, "Okay."

When he pulled up in front of her building, he turned toward her, intending to ask if she wanted him to walk her up, but she was gathering her books together as she said, "I don't know how you feel about me now. I don't know if you could want me again. But I am going to deal with Kevin. I am going to fix my life. Because I want to move on. I need to." When he was so flustered that he didn't immediately respond, Anna said, "You know where to find me. Thanks for the ride."

He watched her run up the sidewalk before struggling to open the door with her arms full, and then she ducked inside when he finally figured out what he wanted to say. "I'll find you."

-------------------------------

If Anna even had a hope or a prayer at a chance with Bob ever again, she needed to work up the nerve. A real chance with him now that he knew all about her disastrous marriage was what she wanted, but she needed to sort Kevin out first. 

As far as she could tell, everything came down to two options: keep her freedom by giving Kevin ownership of her manuscript, or keep her self worth by fighting until she didn't have anything left to give up. And both of them sounded terrifying. The whole weekend passed where she tried so many times to call him. She took her phone out again and again, let her thumb hover over her husband's phone number, and then chickened out. His voice was like a distant memory, and she didn't want to bring it back to the forefront of her mind. He hadn't reached out one time since she up and left without telling him where she was going, and she was afraid to let him know where she was now.

The worst part was, he would know immediately why she was calling. He knew that he had the one thing she wanted. He cut off her access to the cloud files where she should have been able to piece her writing back together. It would have been time consuming, but she would have been all too happy to do it. She should have known better than to let him have so much of her life and so many of her resources in only his name, but there was a time when she trusted him. That was the part that made her so sick. She had trusted her husband, and now look where it got her.

A shiver went through her body as she woke up for work too early on Monday morning. She wanted Kevin's computer where everything was saved. She wanted access to the cloud. She didn't want a damn penny from him otherwise. She was aggressively brushing her teeth, wishing she had more to eat than a granola bar when she spit out her toothpaste and rinsed her mouth.

She hated him. She hated him so much, she was going to call him right now. Without a backward glance, she marched over to where her phone was charging and pulled the cable out. Before she could even think about exactly what she was going to say, she tapped on his stupid name.

Anna was breathing fast and deep, her heart pounding in her ears when she heard his voice for the first time in so many months.

"Anna?" he asked, her whole body cringing after just one word. His voice was scratchy as if she had woken him up, but it was 9:16 in New Jersey. He should be on his way to work if not there already.

"Kevin," she snapped, gripping her phone tighter. She was getting angrier by the second as she listened to him yawn while she looked around her tiny apartment.

His tone was condescending as he said, "Of course you'd call me at six in the fucking morning after I haven't hear a word from you except through a lawyer since July. What the hell do you want?"

She couldn't do this. She couldn't talk to him. While she felt strong a few minutes ago, her resolve was already crumbling. She wanted to tell him that he knew damn well what she wanted, but then she zeroed in on what he said. "What do you mean it's six in the morning? It's after nine."

His voice was suddenly loud and harsh. "I meant exactly what I said. I'm in California for a medical convention. Now get to the point of your call."

Her mouth felt like sandpaper as she carefully put her phone on speaker. She started searching for Neurological conventions in California while she told him, "I just want my manuscript. Please, Kevin. That's all I want, and then you can be rid of me."

The bite was gone from his voice, replaced by a lazy tone, and he spoke to her as if she were a very simple child. "It's not going to happen, Anna. I didn't cut off access to it for no reason. It's worth money. You can pay me for it, or you can kiss it goodbye. I might even publish it myself."

She was gasping for air as she scrolled through her search results, coming up with a conference in Carlsbad that was starting today. As the page loaded, she swallowed and told him, "I'll sue you if you do." But even she knew she was full of shit.

"What what money, Anna? I'm surprised you can still afford your lawyers. I don't even want to know what you're doing to make ends meet right now."

Then she saw it. She saw his name. He was a keynote speaker at the National Neurological Physicians Association conference. He was less than an hour away. She sank down to her knees in surprise and fear. Her mind was swirling with information and ideas, and she couldn't even comprehend what Kevin was saying now.

"What?" she gasped.

"I said come up with some money for me, or I'm not signing shit." Then he ended the call as her hands started shaking. She dropped her phone onto her bed. He was in Carlsbad. Maybe she could surprise him. Maybe she could talk him into it easier in person.

Anna had to run to the bathroom to be sick, but her mind was made up. Once she cleaned herself up again, she tearfully made the decision to cancel her morning classes via email, and then she started grabbing her purse and her essentials. She folded up the newest copy of the divorce paperwork her lawyer had emailed to her and tucked it away. Then she ran for the bus stop, nearly tripping several times as she read through the schedule of speakers who were at the conference this week on her phone. If she caught a bus within the next fifteen minutes, she might make it in time to see Kevin right before he gave his welcome speech.

---------------------------

We will meet Kevin in the next chapter. Now is an acceptable time to start sharpening your knives. Bob, please don't give up on Anna. Thanks @beyondthesefourwalls

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[azulpitlane]

vicious pt two I ln4

pairing: ex!lando norris x reader, charles leclerc x reader summary: you are trying to move on from lando but he refuses to notes: more dramaaa and asshole lando sorry, this is short cause i kind of got busy🧍‍♀️ part one, masterlist

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, maxfewtrell and 3,268,379 others

yourusername emails i cant send is officially yours💌

it has been a long and emotional process writing this album but i loved and enjoyed every bit of it<3 im so excited to share this piece of my life with you and officially close this chapter and move on

thank you for the support, ill see you all soon❤️

view all comments

user OMGG IM ALREADY CRYING ITS SO AMAZING

user stfu is that charles in the fifth pic?!?

user it is!! he was credited in a few songs for instruments🥹🥹

user because i liked a boy hits so different when u know what she went through :(

maxfewtrell running on stream to listen to it

yourusername pls dont hate im still sensitive user omg noo i cant watch whats he saying about it?? user he loves every song, hes being so supportive and said hes team y/n😭

user her friendship with charles is so cute omg

user “friendship” rightttt😏

user lost lando but got charles, a win is a win

francisca.cgomes love love love💌

user omg i know charles introduced them

user ‘ill see you soon’ ARE YOU TOURING???

pietra.pilao so incredibly proud of you❤️ such an amazing album

yourusername p ily and miss u sm🥹❤️ pietra.pilao i miss you more we need to get together soon! yourusername otw to text u so make plans rn🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

user the fact that landos friends are still supportive despite the breakup tells me everything i need to know

user “officially close this chapter” new era fr🫶

charles_leclerc so honored you even asked me to be apart of this❤️so proud of you ma cherie

yourusername so grateful for you❤️ user JUST DATEEEE user now kiss!!!

Lando so you and y/n huh?

Charles she's my friend is that a problem?

Lando i dont remember ever introducing you two?

Charles not that its any of your concern but i introduced myself last year on the paddock while you were too busy ignoring her

Lando so when i had back turned, you took the chance to steal my girlfriend?

Charles dont try turning this into something its not she's trying to move on so i think its time you do the same lando dont ask about her again. read

f1gossip

463,582 likes

f1gossip Following Y/n Y/l/n's album release, Lando and Charles have unfollowed each other on instagram! It is not confirmed if Y/n is the reason why, but it is heavily speculated. It seems Lando was the first to unfollow and Charles quickly followed suit.

view all comments

user all too much for little lando norris

user y/n breaking up a friendship now🙄

user she didnt do anything except release an album on how she felt, if lando gets offended by that then hes clearly the problem here

user 16 4 fans lost today but then again lando started it🤷‍♀️

user karma works in funny ways @landonorris

user lando has every right to be mad imo

user not at all, he treated her like shit then cheated and now hes mad she has friends in f1? make it make sense

user why watch soap operas when you can watch f1

user 2024 season is gonna HIT

user charles is going to have the motivation for wdc now, ferrari fans won🙏

user even though im a lando fan, i have to be team charles and y/n on this one sorry

user yup, after listening to her album i definitely support y/n

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, francisca.cgomes and 3,295,204 others

yourusername first time performing my new album at my one night show was the best time ever!! thank you for all that showed up you were an amazing crowd❤️

and just in case you missed my little announcement, bet u wanna is my next single of this album...this one's a little funny when you know the context🙊

view all comments

user wish i was able to go :(

user WHATS THE CONTEXT??

user listen to the lyrics, lando definetly wanted her back after his side girl cheated AHAH

user i need to know if charles was there

francisca.cgomes such a wonderful night💌 liked by yourusername

user your stage presence is so amazing

luisinhaoliveira99 so great seeing you🤍 liked by yourusername

user SHE WAS THERE?!? user pls tell me you guys took pictures together

user bet u wanna is so good omg

user are you opening for eras tour in europe

user it is rumored, i hope its true😭

f1gossip

376,845 likes

f1gossip Charles, Pierre, Kika and Luisa leaving Y/n Y/l/n's concert in LA tonight! Thoughts on the singer's new friendship with the drivers and girls?

view all comments

user i love them😭❤️

user i was there and saw charles with pierre and kika singing along to every song🥹

user SHUT UPPPP user stop theyre so cute

user luisa and y/n mean everything to me

user them supporting y/n despite the drama with lando shows a lot about him

user ive never wanted to part of a gc so bad

user charles is so supportive, yk who wouldnt be....

user i need them to date, he would treat y/n so good

scuderiaferrari

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 1,402,440 others

scuderiaferrari Special guest for the first qualification of the season! Thanks for coming to the our garage❤️

tagged yourusername

view all comments

user OMFGGG

user i need pics of her and charles NOW

user charles got p1 cause bae was watching🙈

user is she staying all weekend!?!

user her and charles supporting each other omg

user are they finally dating??

user he was asked about it in an interview and he said they were just friends! user ugh can charles make a move already? i dont want another lando situation..

user i wonder if she bumped into lando😳

Lando was y/n really in ferrari garage?

Carlos yeah... are you okay mate?

Lando how can i be? he stole my girlfriend and is now parading her around the paddock its fucked up

Carlos he did say they were just friends and i didnt see them acting like a couple or anything

Lando there's gotta be something more i just need y/n to see who he really is

Carlos i dont know, maybe its time you move on mate

Lando no, i cant give up now do you have an extra paddock pass?

Carlos why...

Lando remember charles' crazy ex girlfriend who was obsessed with him? i heard shes in town to see him what if we send her the paddock pass so she can show y/n how charles treated her

Carlos this seems a little crazy lando why dont you just talk to y/n?

Lando she wont even let me get near her just please carlos? and then i wont ever bring it up again if it doesnt work

Carlos fine but dont tell anybody about this

Lando thank you mate, i owe you

tags: @iamahallucinationnn, @sofiacblair

[bigfatbreak]

Wait does Tom saying Audrey needs to pay child support for Zoe mean she needs to pay Andre, or did Tom adopt Zoe to have an extra barrier between Chloe and Marinette?

It's both a little more simple than that, and a little more complicated, too. Essentially when Tom decided he was going to take Chloe to court for her various bullshit, he decided to look into what other shit her family might be hiding, in the hopes of adding more pressure.

(In this AU at least, I really couldn't find confirmation in any real sources) Zoe is an illegitimate child Aubrey had while in New York, and since she's such an influential person, the father figure decided to settle out of court, as trying to wrench something like child support payments or any sort of supplemental care from an asshole who's also a millionaire seemed impossible. Tom decided to make contact with Zoe and her dad in the hopes of essentially double-teaming the Mayor's family.

It's technically how Zoe and Marinette met in this AU.

A sort of "butterfly effect" (hehe) happens when Tom uses Nooroo to gather information for both their cases, leaving these two to bond on and off. Marinette at her core is still very, very wary, (as this is during the mourning process, Sabine had passed away recently during this time) but she's also kind, which strikes a chord with Zoe, who's constantly changing facades to try and appeal to those around her. It's hard to change yourself to be what someone wants if they never let slip what they want.

Because of this, we're not going to see Zoe really in this AU, as when she eventually heads back to New York with her dad, her time with Marinette has helped her try to establish her own personality with her own wants. Hanging out with a mysterious, kind baker girl who's overworked but still makes time for you does a lot for a baby lesbian, and she manages to make and keep friends.

She does send Marinette letters and emails though, and they text on and off - Zoe still harbors a crush on her, but to Marinette, Zoe is just a good friend : )

[lxclerc]

𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭, 𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐢 ─ 𝐜𝐥𝟏𝟔

summary... in which karma finally bites you in the ass faceclaim... christina nadin pairing... charles leclerc x reader warning... none so far. petty charles and petty reader

note... i need everyone to pretend like all the text messages are in french. also no charles yet but lots of charles in the next part.

series masterlist main masterlist

part one → current part (part two) → part three

charles leclerc has never been on your podcast. it isn’t for the lack of trying per se but rather out of your own sheer stubbornness and need to protect your pride. chasing red, the motorsport podcast you’d built from the ground up, consists of you and your best friend emma. months ago, emma had emailed charles inviting him as a guest with emma alone as the host. it’s already unusual in itself considering you’re in every episode, but charles had replied to the email with a sort of snarkiness you aren’t used to but definitely not surprised to hear. 

dear emma,

if y/n wants me as a guest then she can contact me herself. thank you. sincerely, charles

it had been short and to the point and you’d rolled your eyes when you read it. if charles wanted to be petty then you’re certainly not about to appear on his doorstep begging him to come on your show. charles seems to forget that he’s gotten his pettiness from you. 

still, after that particularly irritating email, emma had been badgering you to explain what had happened. charles leclerc is the nice guy after all. who else would let ferrari fuck them over as much and still scream forza ferrari at the top of his lungs? according to emma, it’s simply impossible for charles to respond in such a way without some hidden history between the two of you. 

and she wouldn’t be wrong but you’d been able to keep that under wraps pretty well. you’ve kept your past right where it belongs – in the past and in your opinion, there’s simply no need to dig up old bones. of course, up until now as you watched with furrowed brows as your name trended on twitter. it seems no matter how deep you bury old bones, it comes back and haunts you – or in your case, bites you in the ass.

“you dated him!” you winced at emma’s sharp tone. you already feel a headache coming in – you hadn’t expected to be shoved down memory lane at a random tuesday if you’re being completely honest and you’re definitely not in the right state of mind to be dealing with it. 

“keep your voice down,” you say, putting your phone down and allowing yourself a sip of your coffee as you try to ignore emma’s incredulous looks. 

“you dated him?” she says again, in a sarcastic whisper this time that made you roll your eyes. you hated her sometimes. you love her of course, but you really hate her sometimes. 

and you hate whichever idiot got ahold of those photos. everyone seems to have so much to say but they can’t seem to comprehend that the charles and y/n in those photos aren’t the same charles and y/n now. you’re both grown now, no longer little kids fueled only with dreams and ambitions. now you’re fueled entirely by coffee and the will to not stalk his social media. 

you’re over charles leclerc. you’re so over him that you spend all your time applauding yourself just how over him you are. of course, you’ve seen charles around after the break up. you both live in monaco after all. it’s impossible not to accidentally pass by each other walking to the grocery store or be at the same restaurant or the same party. you’ve seen him around the paddock multiple times but neither of you say anything. sometimes your eyes meet and the familiarity in each other is difficult to ignore but mostly, you just walk past each other as though you’re strangers, as if you hadn’t spent your childhood memorizing the patterns in his eyes. 

you groaned at where your mind went. this is the last thing you want to be thinking – or talking – about at eight in the morning. you blame twitter and emma entirely for your predicament. it doesn’t help that you share an apartment with her too. 

“no comment,” you say finally at her expectant face. 

her little evil grin terrifies you as he picks up a stack of papers from the coffee table, placing it in front of you. “i’d suggest clearing the air between the two of you before thursday because you’re spending vegas with ferrari.” 

you almost spit your coffee as you grabbed the paper and double checked. unfortunately, there it is in plain sight, your sponsor team right next to ferrari. the document contains your schedule for vegas as an F1 presenter. you’ve been lucky enough not to be assigned to ferrari since you’ve been assigned the job three months ago. but alas, all your bad karma seems to have finally caught up with you today as you read through your itinerary, the first words being an ice breaker game with carlos sainz and charles leclerc proceeding with a hot lap with one of the drivers on friday. 

oh jesus christ, you’re screwed. 

yourusername

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yourusername vegas ready and sporting red for the weekend!

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emmauser very excited for the weekend

⤷ yourusername 🖕🏻

⤷ username emma what do you know

username god have answered all my prayers and forced y/n and charles to finally interact

username watching the childhood lovers to strangers, forced proximity trope in real time

⤷ username i am so invested actually

username her and charles are my roman empire

⤷ username they have consumed every nook and cranny of my feeble brain im afraid

username now what in the booktok is going on

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[thebibliosphere]

"But you're so successful without it."

Content warning: This post contains mentions of suicidal ideation.

I got a message earlier tonight that I'm not going to post, but I did ask the person involved if I could talk about what we subsequently ended up talking about in DMs because I feel it's important.

Basically, it was along the lines of "My kid got diagnosed with ADHD and really wants to try meds. I know from reading your blog that correct treatment for ADHD can be really beneficial, but I just don't think she's severe enough to need them."

The message then went on to ask me, as someone who is unmedicated with ADHD, for some tricks and tips on how to be successful without medication because clearly, look how well I'm doing without them. I mean, look at my blog, look at my book(s)! Surely if I can do all that without ADHD meds, other people can too. Surely there's a trick. A skill. Something you can learn if you just try hard enough...

This is not the first time I have received a message like this. In fact, I probably get about 2-5 messages like this a week.

Usually from other people who also have ADHD/suspect ADHD but don't want medication because they don't think they need it/don't want to need it, and yet can't figure out why they're struggling so much, and ask me how do I do the thing(s) and cope so well and get so much done, etc., etc.

So I'm going to tell you what I told this person tonight in case it helps someone. Yes, I have ADHD. No, I am not medicated due to severe health complications, and yes, I get a lot done. From the outside, I am sure it looks incredibly productive and successful. But I'm going to let you in on what that success feels like.

It feels like dying.

It feels like my brain is on fire; every nerve in my body scraped raw; every part of me wired and exposed to the noise of the world. There is no quiet; there is no calm. And even when my brain does fall silent, it's another kind of death. The inside of my head is sludge, flowing uphill like treacle, weighing me down, pulling me under in the riptide of my inability to focus. I can see what needs to be done, I can see it so clearly, yet sometimes it's like I don't control my own body. Not enough dopamine. Not enough brain chemicals for the message I'm screaming in my head to make my limbs do the simplest of tasks. Like, feed myself. Take a shower. Answer that email. Text my friends back. Go to bed when I'm tired. Write a best-selling novel...

A novel that almost killed me and not because of my other ailments, but because of my unmedicated ADHD.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I was already operating at critical mass when I went into final rewrites/edits. Every coping mechanism I had fell apart. Like training wheels falling off a tricycle, leaving me to wobble unsteadily until the main wheels fell off, swiftly followed by the handlebars until all that was left was me peddling frantically trying to keep my balance and not getting anywhere. I didn't realize it then, but I was heading towards a complete mental collapse. And even when I dragged myself across the finish line with the above and beyond help provided by my friends and editors, I was so burned out I couldn't enjoy my success. Worse, my success made me suicidal.

It took me until very recently, almost two years later, to be able to read Phangs without feeling suicidal. My brain associated it with the trauma of experiencing complete ADHD burnout but having to complete a monumental task anyway.

I had to go into intensive therapy to recover. I am still in intensive therapy for it.

It took me even longer after that to be able to sit down and write without harming myself. I still struggle with it, and I tell you this in all honest sincerity in the hope it makes you realize what it costs me to be "successful" and unmedicated.

And this wasn't the first time I've had to deal with this, either.

I struggled all through high school, all through college, all through every career job I ever had, knowing there was something wrong, but not quite being able to put my finger on it because hey, I still got stuff done, so it couldn't be that bad, right? Surely everyone went through life feeling this way? Right?

...right?

It wasn't until I got my ADHD diagnosis as an adult that I realized what was happening. Why I struggled so much. Why life was so hard. In many ways, it was like the sun coming up. An internal dawning of realization and acceptance, but also rage.

So much rage.

Rage at how much I'd had to struggle because no one noticed because I was quiet and undisruptive. Rage at a system that forced me to learn in ways that were not intuitive to my brain. To always being told, "doesn't apply herself" while it felt like I was clawing my brain apart trying to do what people wanted from me. To a work-life balance, that rewards all the things that make ADHD actively worse. Rage. So much rage it hurts. And to top it all off, I can't be medicated for it. I finally know what's different, I finally know why my world feels raw and turned inside out, and I can't take any of the medications that might help me.

Do you know how angry I wake up every day that there is a possible solution just within my grasp, but my health conditions prevent me from trying them? Do you know how much it hurts? How much I grieve for the person I could be if I was able to have help beyond therapy and coaching? How much happier I could be...

Not productive. Not successful. Happy.

So ask yourself, what do you want more? A child who has to go through all of this and resents you for prolonging their suffering? Who winds up hating themselves by internalizing the false concept that if they just try hard enough, they can do whatever they set their mind to.

Or do you want to help them?

Or if this is you, why are you afraid to help yourself?

Please, don't use me as an example to harm yourself or others. Yes, I am successful without medication. But the toll is high. Too high.

Rid yourself of the idea that you need to suffer more to be allowed help. You don't. They don't. No one does.

[goldsbitch]

Just don't talk---

-to me.

p4 to Just don't talk

summary: Enemies to lovers on steroids. Y/N unknowingly crosses a line, making it impossible for Lando to continue their little affair.

warnings: cursing, typos

Sometimes, the world of F1 really required one to grow up fast. Y/N had noticed strange looks from few of the team members during meetings and sessions for the whole week. She tried not to give it much thought - that was until her manager called, on a late Wednesday evening and broke the news. There were serious talks of her being replaced by someone, who used to drive for her team before and wanted back. She, as an average rookie, couldn't stand a chance and couldn't possibly play the "female driver" card (which she hated anyway). The phone call with her manager was a hard one, nothing seemed to be confirmed, but her pro active guardian angel worked on having enough close friendships around the team to know the news before it got to be known around the paddock. Her heart was racing for life, hand shaking, mind running wild. This couldn't be happening. They can't just drop her out of nowhere, she tried to convince herself.

She lived in this uncertainty for three days, constantly in contact with her own team, focusing on not failing at her job, completely ignoring any texts or calls from people outside her comfort zone. Yet, she didn't hesitate to schedule a hook up with Lando. A break though came when her manager called, informing her that she currently in negotiations with another f1 team for potential transfer, she called it a "just in case" back up, but sounded a little too excited for it being a back up team. Even when Y/N begged to know what team that was, her manager did not cave in, saying it was just too early stages.

//

What a perfect waste of time. Every evening in her busy life was a calculation, a plan to keep or alone time prescribed by herself. Tonight they were suppose to meet up with Lando, in the morning they'd texted about it, he even cracked a joke and appeared to be in a generally easy going mode. But 8pm rolled in and no text, call or even a doorbell. After a half an hour of pacing around and pretending to be busy, she found herself in a completely clean kitchen, finished emails and painted nails. Lando was rarely ever late without a note beforehand. She was not going to text him. That would be too needy. Few episodes of some sitcom, which she had to rewind several times as her attention span lasted about two minutes. Minutes rolled in like a cruel indicator of how much she took as a given that they'd see each other. How much it wasn't on the table that he would ditch her. At some point, she had to come to terms with it. But nobody was there to force to admit that she felt a strange hollow feeling in her stomach. She pushed all thoughts into the back of her head and focused on her next racing plan. That's what she was suppose to be anyway. She might face being replaced out of nowhere, she had to be at her best game. Only when she lost the option of the only distraction that seemed to work in the form of Lando's smirk, she realized how much tension she held within her. It wasn't a night filled with much sleep for her. The late night loneliness crept in, loveless mornings had pilled up over time into a tower blocking the sunshine in. She sat on her bed, second guessing every choice she ever made - was the racing even worth it all? She could have been married by now? What a strange concept. Was she ever going to do so? In a man's world, was there an option to find a lover who would not challenge her and only induce her anxiety? She circled back to her first and only love and wasn't even sure if she had the privilege to call it that as the memory of the slacker guy from her hometown literally slept through their break up. Often she'd watch her colleagues hop on the first plane to spend as much time as this lifestyle allowed with a loved one. She had yet to find out what that kind of a flight felt like.

A whole week had passed since that night. They saw each other on numerous occasions and both of them avoided each other's looks, as if they would turn to stone if their eyes had met. It was good for their public image.

Y/N was excited when her manager finally met up with her in person to tell her about a potential team transfer, should the silly season kick in hard. "I'm not saying anything is set in stone. There have just been few meetings, lawyers checked up your contract again for potential breach causes, so we did some work in the meantime," she stated dramatically over a coffee date they'd set up at Y/N's hotel room. Her manager seemed unusually giddy, excitement poking through her professionalism. "There is a possibility, now, hold your horses, just a possibility, that there might be an open seat at McLaren soon." This came as a shock wave. Y/N always admired her manager, who was always three steps ahead of everyone. Her mind started to race in many conflicting directions. McLaren was an exciting team, definitely a promotion. So was this why Lando ghosted her? Because she might potentially become his teammate? That was just a little too childish of him, she thought, judging her own choices in a hook up "buddy". "So does that mean that Oscar is thinking about leaving the team?" "Well, not exactly. Technically, nobody is thinking about leaving the team. Also, it's not Oscar, but Lando." And the penny dropped.

//

Lando had been in this business for years. He knew well enough what was up. Made sure to have people at the right places, faithful souls who loved him a little too much and were willing to breach their NDA for him. Of course he knew that Y/N's managers were speaking to McLaren. And also why. It took him by surprise, that was for sure. He was a great racer with a big potential. When he learned in secrecy that the reason why McLaren is thinking of changing up their driver line up, it wasn't exactly because of the actual racing, but more of marketing and appearing as a young hip team, it made him furious. Lando had started to become an old news for the marketers. Oscar and Y/N pairing had intrigued them. Of course he wasn't going to keep on with their little love affair. She was becoming a threat, more so outside the track than on the track. He was mad when he found out. Of course he had always kept his distance from Y/N. But this felt personal. She truly was a ruthless bitch, as his gut had told him from day one. It probably wasn't even attraction what he felt towards her, just his subconsciousness telling him to keep his enemies closest physically possible. He tried to hold of thinking about their glorious sex. There were bigger things at stake. He didn't feel threatened. Just little bit betrayed. He had to take action.

//

Once her manager left, she found herself pacing around her room yet again. Thoughts jumping one over another. Excitement skipping over anxiousness, joy being overrun by a sinking fear. She was always going to put her career first. So why was there a sudden urge to run to wherever Lando was and explain that she had no idea this was being set up in her name.

It was a strangely bittersweet feeling, standing at a photoshoot for her contract renewal. There was an unspoken tension between her and the team leaders, nobody willing to talk openly about the fact that they were about to drop her and she was talking about running to different team. But there she was, faking smiles, staying with the team for another two seasons, hating this industry more than ever before. In the end, she gave her everything just to stay in an environment that made her feel just like another clog in the all too big entertainment machine. McLaren calls were getting postponed and everyone knew what that meant, so her own personal team decided to jump for the first option that offered some security. With that, she smiled and posed again. Merely a shell of the fiery girl that bit Lando's arm just weeks ago. All this stress, loneliness and self-doubt had changed the course of her energy.

//

"Oh, you're taking the same elevator?" Lando asked, shooting arrows at Y/N as he pressed the close door button. He had imagined many times that he would slam a door in her face and this was the closest her could get to that. She put her hand into the door gap, giving him a strict eye roll. Finally, faith brought them into a place where they were alone again. "Really?" she said walking in the elevator. Lando tried to be the bigger and mature person. Being around her was making it impossible. He was angry and frustrated. "So...how are you?" she tried to break the ice. "You have never asked me that before. Are you sick?" "No, I'm just...we haven't spoken-" "-ever. No reason to start now," he said, acting as if this was all passing him by. Scrolling on his phone without a care in the world. "I didn't know..." "What..?" "I didn't know that my managers were having these talks," she said softly. There was an apology on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't bring herself to actually say it. "And are you looking for my advice on how to keep the people who you pay in check? Or what is the purpose of this conversation?" "I'm just...I never wanted to try and push you out of..you know." Lando laughed. "That's some severe delulu vibe you're giving off." "Sorry?" she reacted, genuinely confused. "The audacity you have! Thinking you can manipulate the situation better than I do. Princess, I've been in the game years more than you and survived bigger shitstorms - do you really believed I'm here only because I'm a good driver? No, these games are half of the work. So no, I absolutely do not believe that you didn't know about this. And the fact that you're trying to convince me of that is highly disrespectful." Y/N was taken back, processing several conflicting reactions at the same time. The always calm Lando got pushed over the edge. And he was not done. "Next time you're drowning, don't reach out to drag me down too. You should be grateful, you got to keep your job and certainly no thanks to the shitty managers of yours, so you're welcome. I'm genuinely surprised that you landed the job you now have in the first place."

It was a lot of information blurted at her. But she got a hold of the important part. "Lando? What did you do?" He took a deep breath. He said too much. "You will never find out. Now stop talking."

Y/N hit a pause on the elevator. Not that it would help, she figured they had only few minutes extra before someone would be over to run the machine again. "The fuck are you doing," Lando exclaimed and tried to stop her. His hand grabbed her arm and Y/N got an instant flashback to the night he tied her to her own bed frame. "Did you help me?" she asked, anger spitting out of her lips. "Let's not dive into that, shall we? Now, get the elevator running." "I don't need your help, Lando." "This was not any help, I'm trying to keep you out of McLaren, so don't read into it." While that did sound reasonable, Y/N knew there was more. With that, the fire she'd been missing for weeks entered her system again. "Stop helping me, Lando," she said in a serious tone, stepping closer to the guy still holding her arm. She quickly pushed it away. "I don't need your help." She was really pushing it, he thought and bursted. "Is that so! I saw that last week. Your weak strategy and poor results nearly got you dropped. " "No, not dropped. Replacing you." "It would take the hell to freeze over for that to happen, Princess naivité. It was a straight path back to f2 at best. Get your shit together and get a grip over those who act in your name and grow up. Nobody is going to save you next time." She wondered what exactly he did, but knew that there will be a time and place for that conversation. Lando cursed himself for saying it all at once. He was there, lecturing her on strategy, while not being able to follow his own for a second when she was around. Said things he planned on keeping for himself forever. She stood in front of him and he could read the surprise on her face. Anger left her body and suddenly she never looked so innocent. Just a scared girl standing in front of him, trying to navigate their complicated world. The only reason he helped her was because he felt sorry for her. Nothing else. Definitely. "How can I repay you?" she asked, humbled by the newly found information. He took his time to respond. Prolonging this moment just a little. Knowing that soon enough, the innocent face he stared at would soon turn to its usual pseudo-tough-cool-girl mask. It was as if he saw the real Y/N for the first time. "You could stop whining and get this elevator running," he said slowly, as if his body was rejecting these words. Without any other comment, she obeyed his wish. They both turned away from each other and continued in silence. Lando had secretely hoped that she would question him more. She let out a little thank you when exiting the elevator. He watched her leave and forgot for a moment into which floor he was supposed to originally go. She paced away from his as fast as she could. These past few days have pushed her to the limit and the conversation with Lando was the last straw, the word "Princess" screaming in Lando's voice in her head.

part 5

_________________________________________

@scopeiguess @multifandomwhore-003 

[bitchlessdino]

mood rings, drive thru theaters, and the latest issue of tiger beat (m)

Pairing: chan x college student!reader (afab) Genre: angst, smut, fluff Word count: 6.9k tags: SVTHUB COLLAB, set in the 70s, plot twist with dark ending (possibly triggering to some), pwithplot, tutor!reader, busty!reader, pining, brief mention of religion, mention of recreational drugs, mention of death, mention of medicine and medical practice, mention of tragedy (car crash), breeding kink, daddy kink, unprotected sex, couch sex, handjob cream pies, dirty talk. Summary: when you fall in love, it can feel like you’ll be with that person forever, that there isn’t another being in the world you rather be with. This case is just as heavy in your youth, tutoring a boy you’ve only ever walked circles around, while you wear a mood ring from his parents souvenir shop so you could feel closer to him. When it happens, you don’t expect things to crash harder than the way they do. author note: she's here!!! i might reedit later but i wanted to get this out before i changed my mind about the plot again so enjoy and check out the rest of the collab!!!!

Tag: @shiningstar-byulxx @misssugarlips @tommolex @hoeforhao @homerunhansol @dkakapizzaboy @junhui-recs @svtup @buffhoshi @meowmeowminnie @caratochan @lovebot4han @6969lilithcat @wonuhour @camisun93 @emmmui @toruro @jeonride @novalpha @nvmrljk @feat-sun

Falling in love in the seventies wasn’t easy. You didn’t have mobile phones or text messaging, hell, you were lucky if you had email. Most people didn’t. That’s what made it so much harder to be a person stricken in love. All you had was paper, a pen, and the possibility of hearing something through your home landline.

Every day you would wait for the confirmation call he’d be coming. He was one of the polite ones. You were grateful to have formally met him through the tutoring program held in college and you look forward to that phone call and the weekly meetings every Tuesday and Wednesday to go over organic chemistry. Somewhere in that mix, you had hoped to find your own chemistry with him despite knowing how selfish that’d be.

You’d never admit it loud but you had the classic high school pining back when you attended the same classes in the same town. He was a sweetheart then just like he was a sweetheart now and you longed for him like any other teenager. He had you doodling combinations of your names together in a worn out notebook and cherishing an item you secretly associated with only him. Yours was a mood ring.

In the summer of 74’, a new souvenir shop had just opened around the block after countless failed businesses by previous owners. This shop was owned by the Lees, a cute mom-and-dad duo that was sweeter than any cream-filled Twinkee. There was not a thing intimidating about them. They seemed like good people. What you weren’t ready for was their son working the register that day.

What was it about a man in wide leg jeans and a tight fitted shirt that made you want to physically fall to your knees?

At the time, he was wiping a glass candy tray rather meticulously. He has only greeted whoever came in without looking, too focused on getting every dust particle out of every crevice, so he didn’t notice how you found him to be the most interesting sight you’ve seen.

His smile when seeing the swell job he’s done was priceless compared to every piece of merchandise in the store. If there was a chance you could bottle up and take it away for keeps, you would. You would tell the local newspaper this store would be a new world wonder just from this boy alone. 

You had to pinch yourself to finally pull your eyes away from him, scanning for something, anything, interesting enough to purchase and ring it up with him. Finally, your eyes land on something colorful, ever-changing, and wearable.

“Will that be all for today?”

You nodded, holding back a wide grin as you watched him run through your purchase. His smile never faltered in front of you, and for some reason, it made you feel special, despite the assumption he probably smiled in front of anyone who came in. Still, it made an impression.

“That’ll be a dollar please and since you’re a new customer,” he picked something from a box behind the counter, “a pack of now and laters for the road. You can have one now and another later. They’re great.”

God, he’s cute.

You mused at him, accepting the ring and freebie after paying him up front. “Thank you.”

“Have a great day. Catch you on the flip side!”

You waved back at him on your exit, immediately regretting not staying longer to chat. As expected, your mind went blank the second he spoke to you, and the moment you were alone, you slid on the mood ring on your ring finger and focused all of your energy on thinking about the questions you could’ve asked. For him, that was like any interaction, but for you, it’ll be a core memory. 

It was throughout the years you realized that you’d be attending the same high school, sharing the same senior year, experiencing the same last year festivities, but despite the many opportunities, you never had an encounter like that with him again. You’d pass by that souvenir shop countless times, glancing at him while he worked every shift, but cowardly never approached him again. Not with the lack of trying, of course, your adolescent self was too busy to find a way to make him fall in love with you according to whatever you read in Tiger Beat.

You remember flipping through it, back and forth, momentarily distracted by the boyish charm of David Cassidy, and then going back to reread it in case you missed something. This had been your adolescent bible to understand whatever was on trend because only God knew you needed it. Somedays, you’d pretend you were talking with him through your magazine posters. Now that was a face deserving to be in magazines.

“You’re still thinking about that boy? Just talk to him already.”

Even your closest friend, Stacey, couldn't get your head out of the clouds. 

You adamantly shook your head, the magazine clung to your chest. “No, absolutely not. Me talking to him wouldn’t even happen in my dreams. In fact, I’d probably have to pay admission to see him in my dreams.”

She rolled her eyes, letting you get back to whatever exactly you were doing. “Okay, drama queen. We get it. You like a boy.”

She was used to this at that point and it’d be all the same. You never outgrew it entering colleges either, the same one he happened to attend, which you couldn’t have been more stoked to find out. “He’s not just any boy, Stacey. he’s the boy. He’s so far out. I can’t even fathom his existence.”

You were in fact exaggerating, but at the ripe age of 18 all of it felt sincere and you truly did believe it was all true.

And to think you hadn’t formally met him yet until you started participating as a tutor in a peer help program at your University. You didn’t expect much of it, only thinking of collecting some community hours and hopefully maintaining a good reputation with your professors and there he was, like fate. There he should, hair coifed in intentional pristine, a loosely buttoned vibrant green shirt, and familiar tightly fitted pants that flared from the bottom. 

Your breathing seized, stunned by the sheer fact you have stood this close to him since the first time your eyes laid on him. When he turned to you, he didn’t seem to notice your reluctance to walk closer as he strode confidently in your direction. 

“Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Lee Chan. You're my tutor, right?”

Your heart sounded like a metronome at the highest speed at this point, taking your breathing in little by little, timidly returning him with your own introduction. Safe to say, you were both scared out of your mind, yet excited about this turn of events. Though, if you thought about it too hard, you had the chance of rendering tutorship useless and then it’s farewell to Chan.

That’s when you made the executive decision to omit him from your head during these sessions and treat him like any other peer needing help, as you initially intended with anyone you were assigned. If you wanted to continue these sessions and help out Chan, you needed to do more than think about what your future looked like together with 2.5 kids and a big picket fence.

You picked up a polite smile and settled in at a table, flipping a textbook to the first chapter of the course. Fortunately, he followed just as any other person struggling in chemistry and attempted to keep up with the lesson plan. As expected, you’d stumble over many of your teachings, forgetting some of the information yourself and having to refer to the book due to the blinding glow of your student, but as time passed, things eventually were more tolerable.

It was a few months later found an easier medium of being infatuated with the young man but helpful enough to pass the assignments in the above-average percentage. He just happened to be a good student that required more patience. Somewhat, it made you warm to learn that about him, including the fact he was good at listening, or how his eyes lit up picking up a lesson and recalling from memory. However, you kept this situation mostly professional, avoiding social interactions that would take away from your role. That was until Chan found comfort in spending time with you, having a sense of gratitude much grander than anyone teaching him Aldol reactions or valence electrons.

You could feel his soft gaze as you outlined something on his study sheet, emphasizing its importance since it’s appearing in the final he’d be taking eventually. If this were you back in the days of learning his name for the first time and thinking about him every waking second, you’d faint right about now. You’d be lying right now if you said you didn’t feel dizzy from the heat of his presence, but as you have been for the time spent together in the library, you’ve trained yourself to ignore it while mastering to subdue your intrusive thoughts.

Chan somehow found a way around that.

“Oh, your ring. Looks like the one in my parents' shop.”

You momentarily glanced back at the trinket before zone backing into today’s lesson, awkwardly chuckling to yourself. “Oh. Ha ha, that’s because it is.”

His eyes lit up the way they do, a cartoonish gleam in his eyes. “Really? I think I’d remember seeing you.”

“It was once a really long time ago.”

“Well, you should visit again. I can give you a good discount. We just got a big shipment of pop rocks.”

“Okay, sure.” You smiled, internally giggling at the thought of Chan entertaining himself with explosive candy and sharing it with you like the coolest treasure. “Alright. Organic compounds—“

“We really met before?” He interrupted.

“It really was so long ago. I’d be surprised if you did remember.”

“Well, I feel bad. I feel like there’s time it should be making up.”

You waved it off, not minding the now teary expression of guilt on his face. “It’s fine, Chan.”

“How about we go and watch a movie? I think the drive thru is replaying ‘The Godfather’. You should come with me.”

“Really? I don’t know.”

“Come on, consider it a thanks. You don’t even get paid for all the time you’ve spent teaching me.”

“No, but I get community hours. Speaking of teaching.” He placed his hand over yours, cuffing off the words caught in your throat. You find yourself helpless at the sweat pleas of Chan who works the cute angle all too well as he scooted closer to you. “I don’t think I can rest knowing I haven’t found a way to thank you. You’ve been tutoring me for 4 months. The least I can do is take you out.”

You’re a bit stunned, your leg already shaking in nerves as you never expected such a proposal to easily leave his lips and for you nonetheless. You exhaled, mustering the courage to meet his eyes before nothing, pressing your lips to discourage an all too gleeful smile. “Fine. We’ll watch ‘The Godfather’.”

He let you go, beaming, and tracking his pencil tracking over his notebook filled with chicken scratch that was comprehensible to him. “Good, I can pick you up.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” he repeated before gluing his eyes back on the textbook, a noticeable hue of peak creeping up the back of his neck. “So, organic compounds...”

This arrangement was all you could think about until the day of, reading and rereading your magazines for possible outfit ideas, dating tips, and anything with the potential of making the best of this nerve-wracking situation.

On the day of, you got in your best get up just in time for the meetup. Anxiously, you turned your mood ring around your finger as you waited by the door, contemplating to yourself if what you chose was the right course of action. When the knock came, you came swinging the door open and pinched yourself from swooning seeing him in casual attire, including jeans that hugged his hips just right.

Chan, on the other hand, didn’t hide his emotions. Bright and animated, you grew hot under his watch, fiddling with the mood ring now on your middle finger and seeing it glare back a yellowish orange, indicating how nervous you really were. He took cautious steps towards you, mouth falling in awe, and he tugged at his band tee, which now felt lackluster compared to what his eyes were now seeing. “You look really good. I feel underdressed.”

“No, no,” you said, shaking your head and stepping down from the porch. “I just threw something on.”

“Well,” he offered an elbow, “shall we?”

You accepted his offer and hooked it through, hiding your elation. “Of course.”

He escorted you to the car and guided you to the passenger seat before closing the door, allowing you a moment to swallow the spaciousness of his station wagon before heading off to the theater. 

Cars beside cars, people neither mingling, making out, or taking advantage of the concession stands with 25-cent popcorn and pop. The sun was in the process of setting before it became a violet hue and eventually pitch black, perfect for movies. You got out of the car and smoothed out the wrinkles of your outfit, taking another deep breath.

You only had a fleeting second seeing him come out from the driver's seat, a smile settling on his face for what felt like you and only you.

Then came the hoard. Voices calling out Chan’s name, boys and girls his age gathered around him, offering his gregarious greetings and rowdy conversation. They hounded him with hugs, not minding you who stood off from the side behind the cat. Your expression dropped, starting from your smile before spreading over your body language. Chan, remembering your existence, tugged you from the hood and brought you to his side. He briefly introduced you as his tutor, and you did your best to greet them back just as politely.

They nodded at you, sly faces towards Chan as if you wouldn’t notice, and then came their bombarding again, only this time in your presence. You kept up the calm facade, only laughing when necessary before turning to the person who brought you here. “Nice to meet you all. Hey, Chan. I’m gonna get some snacks.”

“Okay. I’ll be here.”

You didn’t let the disappointment show on your face as you walked away but let it fall free as your back was towards the group. You hear their teasing and playful banter, questioning if you’re really just his tutor and Chan confirming, leaving no implication for anything else. You crossed your arms in embarrassment, already regretting letting this situation occur, imagining the worst scenarios to come.

You quietly asked for popcorn and a grape pop, greeted with your refreshments a few moments later, along with a box of raisinets. Your lips parted in confusion. “Oh, I didn’t order these.”

“On the house,” the guy winked, leaning over the counter a little too close for comfort, “a secret promotion for cuties like yourself.”

“Ah,” you gave him a tight-lipped grin, visibly distancing yourself, “thanks.”

“You know, I can always sneak away from my post for little liplock in—“

“Hey, you doing alright? I was worried about you.” You didn’t have to look to know. His body came crashing into yours. An arm slung over your shoulder, an action almost as natural as breathing. “Do you have enough?”

Your eyes flickered toward Chan who came to your rescue, nodding curtly. “Huh? Y-yeah.”

Chan met the seller's eyes before accepting your purchase for you, handing you over only the popcorn. You stared at the box of raisinets before he tugged you away from the stand.

“I did good, right? I’ve been told that guy’s a creep. I didn’t know he worked here.” His whisper sent chills through your body, yet burned your ears. You could feel the fanning of his breath, tickling your skin and raising every hair in your body.

“Me neither.”

“He’s not a good guy. You see him around, walk in the other direction ok?”

You nodded, taking his advice into serious thought. “Thanks, Chan.”

When it’s clear you’re out of sight, he parted from you, keeping his hands down his pockets, visibly apologetic. “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable with that. He just won’t let it go unless he finds out you have a boyfriend or something.”

“Mmh-hmm.”

“Let’s get back to the others, hmm?”

You spent most of the night with Chan and his friends. Some laughed at how cheesy the movie was or actually scared of what was actually occurring (Chan was a mix between the two). You’d enjoy it more if you weren’t a bit bothered by the circumstances. All you could was glance in Chan's direction while he smiled and laughed along with his friends. Even though you were sitting next to him in the same car hood, you never felt further away. Every direction tonight felt like a punch in the gut, having only spoken to him before the movie started. At this point, you felt as if you had no place here, blinking away the humiliation tears threatening to fall.

“I’m a little cold. so I’m gonna finish the movie in the car.”

Finally, his eyes landed on you, “What?”

You slid off the hood and dusted yourself. Chan followed behind you confused before seating himself inside the car with you, a worried expression on his face. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Of course not.” You splayed a less genuine smile, raising your cheekbones for good measure, but seeing its failure to convince otherwise.

“That means I did do something wrong,” he said, smiling bitterly. “Sorry. I’m not the best at picking up cues.”

“I told you, Chan. I just got cold.”

He sighed and turned to reach for something behind, pulling over something thick and warm over your body, covering your torso and legs. “Here. So you won’t catch anything.”

There’s that familiar clang to your heart you should be used to by now, following the marching band that typically arrives after inside your chest. “Thank you.”

You both sat in silence for a bit, continuing to watch the rest of the movie. He makes so attempt to communicate with his friends outside and he doesn’t smile, only focusing on the movie, insistent on being in your presence. You aren’t sure how to behave, fingers inching at lingering awkwardness.

“If I’m being honest,” You started saying, filling the charged air with something other than tension, “I didn’t expect to see that many people with us.”

“You didn’t?”

You shook your head. “I misunderstood all on my own. Don’t worry about it. Let’s just finish the movie.”

“Hey—“

“I’m feeling warmer already,” You said, grinning as yourself deeper into the blanket.

Your eyes were ready to train back in the movie before he spoke again, hearing a tone in his voice you weren’t all that familiar with. “I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable alone with me. I guess I did anyway.”

Guilt festered in the out of your stomach, regretting making a big scene out of nothing. “That’s not—“

“I got scared,” he admitted, the corner of his lips quirking up in a self-loathing grin. “They already saw my tickets so they thought they would get some too. Make it a group thing. I didn’t want it initially, but I thought, maybe it’d make things easier…I should’ve run it by you.”

You met his eyes, earnest yet soft. You didn’t know how to respond to any of this, processing his confession slowly. A fit of emotions wash over him and you see now the inner conflict that he had dealt with, somehow washing you over with relief. The final deep exhale you let out was solace, thinking to yourself how situations like this only happen in movies and books. You’re warm all over, an overwhelming urge to reach over and hug him, a fellow rambling mess.

“You didn’t misunderstand anything. I did want to go to the movies with you, but I wasn’t sure if you felt pressure or—“

You grabbed his hand, lacing your fingers through his. He stiffened under your touch, blinking back at you like a lost child. You smiled back at him from ear to ear and body leaned over on his side. “Just hold my hand. We’re not going to cause any more misunderstandings. Okay?”

He matched you, his pearly whites staring back at you as pretty as ever. “Okay.” His thumb caressed over your fingers, noticing something interesting as he did so. “It’s purple.”

“Hmm,” You looked down at your clasped hands, noticing that same thing he did: your mood ring in a solid rich purple. “It is.”

“Do you remember what purple means?”

You avoid edhis eyes, quietly laughing to yourself. “You know better than anyone.”

“I do.” He tightened his grip, head leaning against your shoulder and it felt as if time had stopped. You don’t doubt that he can hear your heart racing right or your uneven breathing. He turned the ring around your digit, watching how the colors periodically shift. “I won’t let there be any more misunderstandings.”

Since that incident, you went about your tutoring sessions as normal, with the additional intimacy that didn’t exist before. You both gradually developed these sessions into more study dates and then they became real dates. Things only became official when the semester finally ended and he continued wanting to see you, visiting your place whenever you got the chance using any possible excuse.

You could remember how happy you felt at the time. The relief there was to know he liked you back. It was almost as if you were living a dream. A damn perfect dream.

Then your first kiss came around. You were as nervous as anyone anticipating the first. Every doubt in the past didn’t matter, only now did. Everything all led up to this point. It just happened in the way you least expected it to.

You didn’t know why he insisted on teaching you how to play arcade games when he was just as bad. Still, it was cute seeing him try so hard. The firmness of his back followed your movement, guiding you to the right combos, shifting the joystick to move in the right direction, and although it was all wrong, you appreciated the back hug you were getting in return. Even the claw machine had to be a teaching lesson, insisting he had something to teach you. 

“I did it. Chan, I did it!” You saw the stuffed dinosaur grabbed by the metal prongs, dropping right into the winner’s slot. You bounced on your feet cheering and took Chan along with you, hugging him tightly as your inner child healed and squealed at your achievement.

“I knew you could! You’re amazing.” His strong arms came around you firmly, pressing you against the glass of the machine.

Your breath was seized, replaced with weightlessness and tension in your chest that doesn’t seem to want to leave and perhaps you didn’t want it to. Although he didn’t pull away from the embrace, he parted far enough to meet your eyes and the longing in them. He knew what it was because that’s what was in his eyes, falling into their trance like a lucid dream that had him higher than any recreational drug. Neither one of you was willing to let it go, so all you do is stare. Stare at each other like you’re in your own world and no one else’s. As if life as you know it ceased to exist except for you and Chan. Nothing else matters.

When it felt as if you could imagine a more perfect moment, he leaned in with closed eyes, finding your lips like they were a second home and stealing your breath. You thought to lean in to kiss him deeper, but he already had found his grasp and pressed into you closer against the glass, feeling every ounce of muscle and shape of his body beneath his clothes. His shallow breath against yours, his hug of lips pulling at your bottom lip, and he emitted a soft grunt.

He pulled away from you with his arms still wrapped around your sides, shocked by his impulsivity. He stroked the side of your head, scanning for any fear in your eyes, slightly relieved to see any in sight. “I’m sorry. That was…a lot, huh?”

You shook your head reassuringly. “No.”

“Then I can kiss you again?”

The corners of your lips turned up, gripping his jean jacket to pull him closer. “Yes.”

You were kissing for hours that day and the next day, and then again the day after. Since then, something has shifted and these teenage dreams turned reality into something less family friendly. Your nights in his dorm became more frequent, more intimate, and always backed by a melody thanks to a record player gifted to him by his dad when he moved out. His prized possession, besides you anyway, as he claimed.

“What do you want to be when you’re older,” he asked, dragging his digits in and out between yours. He smiled, noticing your mood ring turning a mix of pink and purple before kissing your knuckles. “You know I want to be a nurse. What’s your dream?”

In the background was Led Zeppelin, their intoxically addictive tune spinning on the table. You thought to yourself a bit before turning your head back up at him, nuzzling closer into his warm touch before answering. “I want…to be surrounded by the people I love.”

He laughed like he heard the sweetest thing on planet Earth before his fingers threaded through your hair. “Baby, that’s sweet but not what I meant.”

“I know what you meant, but it’s what I want. It doesn’t matter much what I do, as long as I’m with my loved ones.”

“Am I one of these loved ones? Do you love me?” 

“Yeah. I love you.” You didn’t even hesitate, the words were always on the tip of your tongue until that final push. You lifted alight above him to repeat yourself louder. You let him heed your words. “I think I really love you.”

You thought he’d react differently, more scared and unsure but—“I love you too.”

“Chan,” you smile, warm filling your inside as you let your breath chase away the race in your chest.

“I mean it.” He bent his head down to meet your lips, cupping your cheek with the warmth of his palm. “I really, really love you.”

Chan toppled over you, lips meeting yours repeatedly in a heated frenzy, caressing your body and holding you desperately against him as you did the same to him. He kept you between his legs, whispering it over and over, ‘I love you, I love you,’ blistering and marking your skin. How was it that made you feel as if you weren’t allowed to breathe? 

Before you realize it, clothes started coming off. Piece by piece. As ‘Babe I’m gonna leave you’ replayed, shirts, belt, pants, and everything underneath fell to the ground. You saw him. You saw all of him. And he saw all of you. Your instinct was to shield away, be conscious of your then and there but in his own way, he reassures you, speaking to you as though all his words were nothing but the earnest truth. “I’m here. You’ll never have to worry about me not being here. I love you so much.”

Your flesh spilled through his fingers, imprinting his hands through your nude. Sounds of worship leaving his lips between every kiss, not even the worry of lack of condoms could stop him. Your thighs were glued to his hips, and you felt the warmth of his length titter to your fresh heat. You moaned every time you met lips, every bite he gave to your skin, and every full twist his fingers made with your sensitive buds before filling the inside of his oral cavity of your full breast.

You ached to have him in you, hand barely reaching his girth before wrapping a tight wrist around him. He shuddered at your touch, thrusting through the circle of your palm. You felt the need in his movement as he grinded down on his couch, not minding the wool burn inevitable to be left behind. Weak chuckles escaped his lips and he flashed you a smile, seconds away from melting into helpless groans. “You know just how to handle me…”

“Only because you treat me so well.”

Kissing one breast and then the other, he reached your lips as he held your thighs against the sides of his torso. “And I’ll do it for as long as I’m alive.”

You looped your arms around his neck and pulled yourself against him, his warm breath tickling the tip of your nose. “Make love to me. I wanna feel you inside me.”

“Then I won’t wait a second longer.”

The moment you felt him inside you, you felt higher than anything you could find in a blunt offered by the shady next-door neighbor. You buckled into him, lifting your hips off the couch for a fully bloomed taste. The stretch he left had your jaw falling, clutching to his shoulder, and letting out exasperated breaths. You nearly choked on your own spit that had only forced it down when he picked up the pace.

You molten walls only sucked him in deeper, calling his name in blurred whines. Each thrust and each kiss was fueled by an undying passion. He carried you, palm to your back and your legs around his waist, and pulled you on top of him. From beneath you, he drilled your insides, meeting your longing expression. 

Your fingers draped over his face, and you held on to his blissful expression that occasionally dropped in anguish when chasing after his rhythm. You whined his name desperately, clinging to him as you dug down your hips down his lap. He moaned louder than before, gingerly cupping your breasts and finding your stiff nipples between his fingers.

“You feel so good taking me…and your tits are so soft and warm.” He pushed himself to thrust hard, pleased with how easily you easily bounced against him, watching your flesh moving loud and fluidly like water. “You’re so perfect to hold, and love, and fuck my dick into—shit.”

Your chest rose and fell catching up with his efforts. “Chan, I love you so much.”

“I love you too. So, so, so—fuck!”

You felt his grip grow tighter and saw his jaw drop lower. His legs clenched to your sides impulsively, unwilling to let go. Soon enough, he couldn’t take it anymore and came inside you. He looked as if everything in his brain told him not to, but it seemed that nothing could stop the geyser within him from coating your insides with hot ivory. He snapped into you in an erratic rhythm, cum spilled in you and out of him until it stained the wool underneath.

Chan was red in the face, both in embarrassment and heat. He looked up at you in panic at the direness of circumstance considering neither one of you thought to stay protected. “Shit, fuck,” he exclaimed still pumping inside you, “you feel so good. I’m so sorry.”

You shook your head, bending down to kiss him. “It’s okay, just don’t stop…please…”

His stressed expression melted, as did his fingers into your skin. He caressed over your sides with love in his eyes, swallowing nervously. “Really, baby? That ok?”

Perspiration coated his skin, beading down his adam’s apple as it bobbed. You felt like mush in his touch, letting your hips make use of the natural lubricant. Your boyfriend groaned at the sound of the slick moisture sliding over his skin. You cupped his face in your hands, working your jaw in a needy liplock. “Yes, please. Fuck your cum in me, please.”

His fingers tensed, dragging your lips to slap down on his. He exhaled slowly, your walls hugging his cock erect. He asked in a breathy voice, “Fuck my cum in you…my pretty girlfriend wants something so dirty done to her?”

“Yes, yes, please…” You whined.

He slammed up into you, feeling how he’s already bottoming out inside you. Hearing you moan his name lit a fire beneath him and he rolled you on your back to rut in you like a merciless animal. 

“You want my cum in you, hmm? Fill you up with my cum and put my fat load in you?”

You jerked in the opposite direction, your skin smacking against each other causing the tenderness of your skin. “Yes, please,” You choked out, “I want it all with you.”

His lips picked up from the corner in a smirk, turning you back over to plant you against the couch while his feet finally touched the ground. “You want it all? Like a life? A family? You want me to build a family with me…have me fuck my babies into you?”

“Yes, baby, please. I want you to fill me up so I can make you a daddy.”

“You love me that much?” He slammed into you with a proud smile. “You love me so much you see your future with daddy?”

You batted your lashes back at him. “I see every day either full of joy or full of your cum inside me.”

He snickered before biting his lips in a filthy moan, “Such a dirty mouth on the mother of my kids.”

You’re spent by the time your legs gave out, and you and your boyfriend exhausted your bodies to the point you couldn’t move even an inch off the couch. Cum seeped out of your holes like sap, only halted as you pressed your legs together to get comfortable. Chan had barely enough energy to tug a blanket off from behind him and throw it over your bodies. You smiled into his warmth, nuzzling into his chest, and inhaling his lusty musk. 

You moaned in satisfaction. “Mmh, I like this…”

“Me too.” He hummed.

“I never want this to end.”

“And it won’t,” he said, kissing the temple of your forehead.

“Are you hungry?”

You moaned. “Starving.”

He chuckled, holding you closer to him as his voice dropped an octave. “Let’s fill you up with something, hmm?”

You rolled your eyes, smiling as you lightly shoved him. “Chan…”

“Food, babe,” he said with a cheeky smile, “get your mind out of the gutter.”

After a quick shower, and a few wet kisses in between, you’re set to refresh yourselves with some fast food and can’t help but be filled with elation. You cozied into the passenger seat accepting the hand he’s offered as the other steadied the wheel. You can’t help but notice how he glanced every now and then when he shouldn’t, making you nudge him to fix his gaze.

It was always a loving one, one that you’d forever burn in your memory. You don’t even know why, but you shed a tear looking at it. That smile of his seems to go on for miles and brightens your day like the morning sun. You felt it in your heart. Something suffocating that you couldn’t describe but all you think in your head is that this was love and that loving Chan would be the easiest thing you could do.

He sent you another glance before making a turn, one a little longer than the few before, then all you heard was a loud blaring honk, your voice screaming his name, and then your vision went pitch black. You stared into darkness. Emptiness. Nothing was in sight. 

That was until your eyes were open again. You woke in a place of all white, smelling of antiseptic and a hint of febreeze. You slowly blinked, scanning the room, unmoving. Still, in fact.

“Good afternoon, Sunshine. Sleep well?”

You only could see who entered when they walked in your field of vision. Your eyes stared in shock at the sight of your boyfriend, smiling back at you in scrubs as he wrote away in his clipboard and looking as if he hadn’t aged a day. You internally screamed at your body to move, crying from within the inside at the inability, and then soon growing tired, realizing it’d never be possible. As he put away documents in a file holder pinned to the high wall, you stressed your throat to speak, hoping for the least a sound to follow, but instead, it was your silence.

“I’ll just open the blinds a bit, make sure they’re not too much light in your eyes. Too bad your nap was a little long. The weather was so good. I thought we could roll you out into the garden.”

You are losing your mind. The last thing you could remember was a car accident that felt like mere seconds ago and staring into the eyes of the man before you, who matched the love in your eyes. Now you’re imprisoned in your own immobile body, with no clue why and how the love of your life survived when you barely did.

“Your heart is pounding. Wait a second.”

Chan strode over to the monitor just out of view, forcing yourself to rely on your peripheral to watch him. His side profile and his body were all within reach but unassessable. You felt the sweat of your palm through the sheer determination alone, but to no avail, he stayed away from your grasp.

“Hmm, we’ll have to figure that out.”

Finishing up, he stood in front of you like a figure of light radiating brightness unfathomable to man. A light bright enough to fully grasp your reality. Your true reality.

That’s right. He’s not your boyfriend. You were never together.

You’ve been the way you were for two years, by a car accident nonetheless. This was Nurse Lee–your caretaker and nurse–who insisted you call him by name and talked to you as if you could talk right back. 

And this wasn’t the 1970s. It was the 2070s. 

Your gaze quickly turned to “Three's a Company” playing on the highly advanced TV plastered on the wall, momentarily surprised that they still had the show on cable, before snapping right back to your nurse, now going on about the daily work gossip. You couldn’t help but stare again, watching his handsome face turn up in a smile every time something delightful popped into his pretty little head as he spoke. Your eyes fluttered in remorse, a familiar sinking feeling in your chest as you inhaled and exhaled through your breathing tubes.

It all made so much sense. Too much in fact. Here you were in dreamland living in disbelief that someone as sweet and kind and Charming as Lee Chan—nurse Lee Chan—would ever be someone so madly in love with you. You lived a happy and healthy and normal life in your dreams, shutting off from the dark truth of your world is, as if you’ve never been in this accident. You dreamt of life before it was taken away before you narrowly escaped death.

If you could call this escaping death anyway. You were practically dead.

And perhaps the worst part—

“Vivian liked the flowers you suggested. I think she’ll finally stop being mad at me thanks to you.” 

He gently moved your head to fluff the pillow behind you and placed you back on top. He brushed away a hair that strayed over your face, and you felt a sensation pulse through your fingers. “I wish you could meet her. You’ve always been there to listen to me talk about the wedding planning, the bridal stuff, and then the actual wedding. I hope you liked the photos, the guy we hired was—phew—a pretty penny.”

You started to blink rapidly, seeing your reality crumbling before you, and all he could do was look as devastatingly beautiful as always, even with the dark circle under his eyes from long hours of work. 

“I talk a lot, huh? That’s what you’re thinking. Sorry, you’ve always been a listener, not that you can help it.” He chuckled to himself. “Sorry, dark joke. I’m sure if you could move now, you’d laugh.”

No, you wouldn’t.

“I’ll be out of your hair in a second. Don’t worry.” 

He did the last round of his thorough check-up of your room before standing by the door with his clipboard in hand. Clicking his pen, he turned back to you one last time with a smile now turned bittersweet.

“Any day now. Your heart pulses a little faster every day. Your family is waiting for you. And because I’ve grown attached to you I’m waiting for you too. Maybe after all this, we could be friends, then you can tell me how much you love or hate when I talk to you. Just as long as you’re up and running again.”

The moment the door closed, you were alone again. The fluid built in your tear ducts finally found their escape and streamed down your still face, facing their discomforting warmth. Your chest heaved, your grew breaths shallow, your throat went dry, and suddenly your lips quivered. In solitude and sheer desperation, you said your first words in years.

“Chan…come…back…”

But it didn’t matter.

[hazbinhappy]

If you’d like, what about Vox x a reader who’s very wary of men and it took Vox a long time to gain their trust because of this. - @am-i-interrupting

A/N: felt this in my damn core

You drop into hell and I won’t lie I think hell’s gender population is definitely more men ✋😐🤚

Anywho! You drop for whatever reason probably a dumb one because the Divine Judge was feeling silly and nitpicky

You work for Velvette in this case!

It’s not like you work for her because she’s nice, no it’s for the pay and there is wayyyyyy less men than anywhere else in Hell and that’s a win

One day she mentions that they’re doing a “Vee’s Specialty line” and that she needs you to help design the outfits

you were originally wary of this and when it came to designs you simply just emailed them solely to Velvette, but she texted explicitly "These are shit!! Vox is on his way to "consult" be here ASAP don't want him here longer than he needs to be"

you kept your distance, but quickly took the clothes he gave for inspiration

you vaguely heard Vox speak to Velvette about your weird behavior, but she was half listening

Vox checked in occasionally about how the designs were coming along because he's a damn control freak

you barely responded, often in short words or sentences

actually requesting that he emailed you instead (which he actively ignored and kept coming in person)

if you've played animal crossing new horizons think of Sable! you have to keep talking to her daily for her to open up

now i'm not saying that works here obviously (if it was me i'd be pissed off)

but occasionally he'll get a full response from you

you find it odd how interested he is in the clothes that are based of his likeness (Valentino just gave his designs the okay and left it at that)

soon enough you come to feel weird when he doesn't visit you at his regular time and feel sad and like something is missing

once the clothes are finally out to the public he has no reason to visit you until Velvette excitedly (while still being mean) that Vox is finally upgrading his wardrobe like the old man he is and that you're in charge of it

....yay more work

jk you're not ecstatic about the work in the slightest, but it means your routine is back to normal

he's probably the guy who is allowed within a normal vicinity of you that actually can get a full conversation

i wouldn't say y'all eventually date, but you guys definitely become borderline friends/acquaintances!

probably would take an eternity to date each other

but guess what! y'all have that

[banggyu0308]

Berry Sorbet // Huening Kai

huening kai x fem!reader

summary: in which you share one of the five senses with your soulmate, and the taste of your lipgloss is on Kai's tongue all week.

genre: soulmate au, uni au, slight reincarnation au, non idol au, fluff, humor, skippable smut (will be marked by blue borders) (for your convenience, it is still sfw a little bit after the first border, just in case you don't see it. it is also slightly sfw before the last border, in case you don't scroll far enough)

warnings: cursing, both their friend groups are VERY annoying, some suggestive dialogue from said friends in friend groups (and a reference to taehyun being a tutor and occasionally making out w the people he tutors), some texting scenes, alcohol consumption, both kai and reader are idiots when it comes to their feelings, both kai and reader are very touchy-feely, mentions of kiss-like birthmarks, slight nudity (NOT IN A SEXUAL WAY AT ALL. you'll see when you get to it...)

word count: 9k

🎶 - LIP GLOSS (the boyz) + i don't understand but i luv u (seventeen) + watermelon sugar (harry styles)

an- happy twenty-first birthday hyuka ❤️ + if your name is Madelyne and you're a Tyun bias, i'm telepathic and this is for you

Kai's late. Or- almost. Sliding into his seat at the last minute was not what he had planned to do today, but it's what's ended up happening. His professor shoots him a sharp look over the other students heads, but turns back to the class without a word at his tardiness.

He puts his face in his hands and lets out a slow exhale, opening his notes to focus on the lecture instead of the thoughts running inside his head. His pencil scratches against the paper, his eraser squeaks slightly when he moves to get rid of a word, and the thoughts pause momentarily.

The girl seated in front of him raises her hand with what both Kai and the professor assume is a question, but is actually her CORRECTING what the professor has just told them. Kai expects the professor to get a little more than frustrated at being told she's wrong, but instead she's calm addressing the student. "Thank you for your contribution, Yn. I was unaware that this was a recent development of this topic, and I will further research and fact check it at a later time."

Yn looks up at the teacher with a smile. "I could email you my sources, if you want."

To Kai's surprise, his professor returns the smile, says, "Thank you very much," and continues on with her lesson.

He tries to focus again on the professor's words but a slight fruity taste settles on his tongue. That's strange- he didn't have any fruit today that he can think of.

Lunch break rolls around and as he takes a bite of his store-bought sandwich, he finds that instead of the sandwich's taste, it's the same fruity flavor that takes over his tastebuds.

It's subtle, but it's there, and it's a little annoying. Kai forces himself to finish half of his sandwich with a groan of annoyance, laying with his head in the crook of his arm once he's done.

He sits up to look around after a moment. The cafeteria is loud, but he can pick out some of the voices closest to him. There's Beomgyu, of course he's the loudest. Yeonjun's sitting next to him- they're arguing about something. Kai smiles slightly and shifts his gaze. They'll resolve whatever they're fighting about later. It's almost always something stupid.

Soobin meets Kai's gaze when it shifts to him instead, and without a word, stands and joins him at his table.

"Why are you sitting all alone?" He jokes with a soft smile. Even the small twitch of his lips sets off his dimple, and the expression makes Kai smile back.

"Just wasn't feeling it today. Here, try this... does it taste normal to you?"

Kai holds out the other half of the sandwich and Soobin takes a bite, food shifting to his cheek as he chews. He hands it back with a shrug. "Tastes normal to me."

"Not... fruity or anything?" Kai raises a confused eyebrow and Soobin shakes his head.

"Nope."

Kai stands and tosses the sandwich in the trash, lips pursed in frustration, and sits back down to pull out his phone. The situation is weird enough that he decides to google it, because his friend Soojin had been complaining about a weird taste in her mouth just weeks ago.

The first few articles are about food poisoning, of course, but the ones a little further down are almost all on the same topic, and suddenly it clicks in his brain.

Of course. Didn't Soojin tell him just last week that she'd found her soulmate, a girl in their class named Aurora?

You get linked to your soulmate at random times. Kai knows this. He just hadn't expected it to be, well, now? He's only twenty, he's still in college for pete's sake.

And now he has to figure out the next thing.

Who in hell was eating so much fruit???

You sit down with a sigh in the front of your classroom. You're early- punctuality is important.

Obviously, the boy sitting behind you doesn't know that. He's seated a split second before the bell rings and you resist a disapproving look his way. His bleached-blonde hair is grown out slightly, mussed in the back like he just rolled out of bed. Jeez, your class isn't even that early...

He's quiet all throughout class, something you notice, although it's not a surprise. If class participation were a grade, he'd fail. You're pretty sure you've only heard him talk once.

The sweet taste of your lipgloss is still slightly unfamiliar when you swipe your tongue over your lips, and you apply another coat with one slick movement. The girl next to you looks at you with a question in her eyes, and you show her the lip gloss tube momentarily before turning back to the lecture.

The class ends with only one incident: a case of misinformation, which you swiftly correct. Lunch is next, and your lipgloss smears pink on your napkin when you wipe it off. Your mouth still tastes like it slightly when you bite into your apple, but it's fine.

You've packed yourself a normal lunch and when you finish, you check the time. Aw shit.

You almost run to your next class, which luckily goes by like a flash; it's one of your easiest ones.

Your next class is one you've just started and you're unfamiliar with. Both the classmates and the actual concept itself are new to you, and you look up from your notes to find the teacher's paired you with the boy from earlier. Instead of your look of annoyance from before, you send a small smile his way.

It's received and returned, and he finds his seat next to you. "I'm Kai," he says, a slight nervous note to his voice. You smile again.

"I'm Yn, nice to finally meet you for real, Kai."

You've been aware of him, of course. One of your best friend's is practically obsessed with one of HIS friends, Taehyun, which means you've spent many a lunch break observing the group, all for Madelyne's sake.

When Kai leans over you slightly to look at your notes, you catch a slight scent of something that almost smells like baby powder. You smile to yourself- it reminds you of your family.

It is strange, though, the way the smell of him lingers even after your numbers are exchanged, after the class ends, after you go back to your room for the day...

And still there when a text from him lights up your phone.

huening project partner 📖🖊️ i forgot to ask this but, could you send me a copy of your notes? i'm not good at remembering things without looking at them

You laugh slightly at this, take a few photos of each one of your sheets of notes, and send it to him.

you is that all you need?

huening project partner 📖🖊️ yes, thank you 🙏 well... no.

you what else? the punctuation is scaring me

huening project partner 📖🖊️ NO DON'T BE SCARED OF MY PUNCTUATION 😭 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I PUT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE 😭

you NO NO ITS OKAY I WAS MAKING A JOKE BECAUSE NONE OF MY FRIEND EVER USE PERIODS AT THE END OF OUR SENTENCES AHSBHWBS 😭

huening project partner 📖🖊️ wait really???????? taehyun usually does, the smarty-pants he is (can't be normal like the rest of us...) but it makes him seem like a really dry texter 😭

you exactly why we DON'T most of my friends are already dry asf when it comes to texting punctuation makes it worse

huening project partner 📖🖊️ i'm sure your friends cannot be worse than taehyun-

you BIANCA IS SO BAD AT IT ISTG like over here you and i are having a conversation and i don't just think you're sitting on the other end like an npc

huening project partner 📖🖊️ ... you're welcome?

you 😭😭😭 IT DID FEEL LIKE IM THANKING YOU FOR NOT BEING BORING 😭 THANK YOU FOR NOT BEING BORING!!!!! AND NOT BEING AN NPC!!!!

huening project partner 📖🖊️ YOU'RE WELCOME!!!! and thank YOU!!!!

you oh my goodness i cannot breathe right nowwww 😭 madelyne is looking at me like i'm CRAZY

huening project partner 📖🖊️ ...is she wrong though....

you HEY!!! YOU'RE NEW!!! YOU DON'T GET TO DISS ME LIKE THAT JUST YET but tbh takes one to know one 🤭

huening project partner 📖🖊️ exactly, you idiot/lh sorry that was mean 😊 goodnight now, i don't even remember why i was texting you in the first place, no way i'm doing homework at 1am 😭

you well, me neither, even though i am right now goodnight kai :) i think i'm going to enjoy being partners with you

You're cleaning in a rush, throwing things into bins, under your bed, under MADELYNE'S bed, but to be honest, who cares right now??? You'd known Kai'd be over today but it didn't hit you until this morning, THIRTY MINUTES BEFORE HE SHOWS UP, and now, rightfully so, you're in a panic.

You're shoving the last thing into your drawer right as there's a knock at the door. "Coming!!"

You take a moment to dab at your sweaty face and smooth your hair in the slightest. You reach a hand and turn the doorknob, swallowing the little anxiety crawling its way up your throat. "Hello hello!!" You grin at him, taking him by the shoulder and leading him in. "Welcome to my humble abode."

In any other circumstance, you'd be joking. But your room was quite literally the definition of 'humble', even after you cleaned up slightly. You'd done the best you could when you first moved in, adding dainty, pastel curtains that reminded you of fairies, other little details to your bed and side table, but it was hard to cover up the fact of how old this room really was.

Kai cracks a small smile and bends to take his laptop from his bag. You do the same. He joins you on the edge of your bed a moment later and it's all but silent, the only sound the clicking of your keyboards. Not that you mind!! You know the best way to get things done is in silence, for you at least.

He breaks it a moment later, leaning slightly to point at your screen. "I was thinking we could put this over here?"

His chin is practically on your shoulder and you nod slightly, dragging the text box to the other side of the screen. You look up to a loud bang, jumping slightly, which knocks your face into Kai's just as Madelyne walks in.

"OH-!" Her face is a devious grin when she looks at you two. "What do we have here~?"

You quickly shove yourself away from Kai, face hot. "This-" You gesture pointedly at him. "Is my partner on a project for school. Kai, Madelyne. Madelyne, Kai."

"Hey," Kai says. Other than a slightly embarrassed smile on his face, he doesn't look uncomfortable otherwise, and you let out a small breath of relief. The last thing you needed right now was your partner uncomfortable with you.

You stand and push Madelyne away, not leaving room for silence, and say, "Alright, goodbye now!"

Once she leaves again with a backwards glance to you and a "It's my room too," you flop back onto the bed.

"I'm sorry she's like that," you apologize, face buried in one of your pillows.

"No, it's alright, I really don't mind. My friends are the same way. Taehyun's a tutor, for crying out loud, we all know what he gets up to."

A wry grin is sent your direction when you lift your head again, and you have a split second thought of 'I should sign Madelyne up for Taehyun to tutor.' She'd love you forever if you did.

"Thank god," you smile back, settling back in front of your computer, a little closer to Kai this time.

Introduction to your best friend: check.

Maybe this whole project thing won't be so bad.

Kai is surprised when you sit next to him during your Monday class, and even more surprised when, halfway through your lesson, you lean over to invite him back to your room soon.

He barely processes the words coming from your mouth. He's too focused on the fact that now that you're this close, he can smell your lipgloss, and it's all too familiar to him. It almost exactly matches what he's been tasting on his tongue for almost two weeks.

When he gets out of class, his mind is still running with thoughts tripping over themselves. WHY would he be tasting your lip gloss? When he didn't even know you? And why, the same day he does, does he get partnered with you for your project?

He plops onto his bed with a small sigh. His phone is alight with multiple messages from Yeonjun, asking where he was.

3:57PM

yeonjun 🙄/j KAIIIIIII DID YOU FORGET TO MEET US :((

kai well... yes. sorry?

yeonjun 🙄/j You SHOULD be sorry, you meanie >:( WHAT is so important that you would forget????

kai what does it mean when you can taste a girls lip gloss but you've never kissed her or another girl with the same lipgloss?

yeonjun 🙄/j you're not making any sense i don't think it can be the same lipgloss then, or even lipgloss, if you've never kissed or anything

kai yeah... i guess that makes sense sorry for bothering you XD

yeonjun 🙄/j no no it's alright!! who's the girl?

kai you know yn..? super smart, takes a few classes with me, has the friend who's infatuated with taehyun?

yeonjun 🙄/j OH HERRRRR OMG yes i know her!! do you like her?

kai i- NO?????? I WAS JUST ASKING BECAUSE

yeonjun 🙄/j because...?

kai nothing

yeonjun 🙄/j you totally like her.

kai i don't

yeonjun 🙄/j mhmmmm anyways, are you gonna meet us or not?

kai not i've got work to do

yeonjun 🙄/j fine.

4:11PM

yeonjun 🙄/j and one more question... do you have her number?

kai yes...?

yeonjun 🙄/j can i have it?

kai why?? do YOU like her?

yeonjun 🙄/j no i don't can i have it?

kai fine...

kai shared a contact: yn

4:23PM

kai YEONJUN NOT FUCKING COOL YEONJUN AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HATE YOU I HATE YOU SO MUCH WHY WOULD YOU AJHBVSHJABSJWBSUWBDSUW

yeonjun 🙄/j thought you didn't like her 🤭

You have no idea what just happened.

First of all, WHO added you to this group thread? Why are you here??

And second of all, Kai was one hundred percent right. Why does Taehyun text like that????

4:20PM

unknown added yn

unknown HIIIII

you who. the FUCK. are you?????

unknown WOAH CALM DOWN CALM DOWN LANGUAGE >:((

unknown beomgyu, you know you're just the same. 🙄

you okay, so i know ONE person here, i guess... WHO ADDED ME????

unknown me!! the one who said hi first..?

beomgyu 🐻 that's yeonjun

you see, that's all i needed FUCKING NAMES

jjun 🙄 IM SORRY ALRIGHT???? I DIDNT THINK ABT NAMES????

unknown you never think.

you that is totally, 100% taehyun

unknown ... correct. and scary.

taehyun 😏 i feel nervous now.

you dont be kai told me abt y'all so :D

huening project partner 📖🖊️ i did huh?

you oh HIIIII is soobin here too then?

unknown that's me <3 hi yn

you hi soob!! now, WHY am i here? and why does yeonjun have my number?

huening project partner 📖🖊️ that's my fault jjun asked ;-;

you and OFC you had to give in, because it's yeonjun, right? 🙄

huening project partner 📖🖊️ he's hard to say no to i didn't think he'd do this!!

you it's fine it's fine so. how is everyone?

soob soob ❤️ im good!

taehyun 😏 eh. could be better.

jjun 🙄 he's being dramatic, he's fine so am i

beomgyu 🐻 im good too!!!

huening project partner 📖🖊️ ... bad :D

you whats wrong hyuka? :((

huening project partner 📖🖊️ yeonjun :D

you ah, i see we should just get rid of him, shouldn't we?

jjun 🙄 you can't just get rid of me??? i MADE the gc therefore, by law, i CANNOT be removed!!

you i'm sure you thought this through beforehand ;-;

soob soob ❤️ he totally did

jjun 🙄 i did NOT so anyways :D yn, how is your project w kai going? 😏😏

huening project partner 📖🖊️ the emojis are SO unnecessary

jjun 🙄 that's why i used them, kai

beomgyu 🐻 he is nothing but unnecessary

you 🤭 BEOMGYU WE SHOULD HANG OUT

beomgyu 🐻 i've always thought you match my energy :D let's do it :D ... if huening doesn't steal you away...

you he wouldn't dare >:(( would you, kai?

huening project partner 📖🖊️ ...no?

taehyun 😏 LMAO.

soob soob ❤️ kai needs to be reminded he doesn't own yn

huening project partner 📖🖊️ I do NOT?????

jjun 🙄 mhm sureeee 🙄

you i feel like *I* should be the one who's scared here...

huening project partner 📖🖊️ NO YOU'RE FINE

beomgyu 🐻 we're completely normal :D

you that was the last straw the grinning emoji says otherwise GOODBYE-

'hey, it's kai... was wondering if we could spend some study time in the library together sometime soon? just to do a little extra research, plus it's quiet and that way neither of us need to worry about hosting and cleaning and stuff. call me or text me when you get this. bye.'

You put your phone facedown on the table after listening to the voicemail. It's not that you don't WANT to study with him, in fact you probably NEED to, it's just that you hadn't planned for it. Today or any day. But honestly, today would probably work best... so, you text him back.

you i could do today!! project's due in a week anyways, so it's probably a good time to finalize some stuff and practice presenting.

huening project partner 📖🖊️ okay!! I'll bring my stuff in 15?

you sounds good!! see you then

You grab your books and your computer, shove them in your backpack, and make your way to the library. It seems as if Kai's borrowed your punctuality today- he's there when you show up.

That's new, but he doesn't bring it up to you, only waving you over to his table. "Alright, so, we should divvy up the actual presentation bit, and then I can double check the slides I'm working on, and then you can do the ones you are?"

You smile and nod, logging into your computer and opening the shared Powerpoint.

The two of you are working peacefully in silence, side by side at your desk, until you hear whispered giggling. Now, usually you'd roll your eyes at the disruption and ignore it, but the giggles sound too familiar.

Except... it wouldn't make sense for that to be the laughter you hear. There's more than one voice, and it sounds a lot like Beomgyu, Yeonjun... and Bianca and Madelyne??

Two more voices who, until then, had been unheard, grow louder to shush the others, and you place who they belong to when you see two sets of dark eyes and dark hair peeking from behind a bookshelf.

Funny that Soobin and Taehyun are trying to be the ones to keep the others quiet, but are also the ones that get them seen.

You duck your head and try to ignore them. You don't alert Kai to exactly what his friends are up to, or the fact that your friends are with them too... how the heck did that even HAPPEN??? You bet Madelyne's feeling VERY happy right now, you can tell everyone's pushed up against everyone behind that bookshelf.

One whisper cuts through the others, louder than the rest. "Guys, they look kinda cute together..."

Your head jolts up at the sound and Kai looks over at you in concern, but you shake your head. "Nothing, thought I heard something..."

When he turns back to his computer, you side-eye him, scanning him in a way you hope is subtle. Your gaze catches on a scattering of moles across his neck, a few on his cheeks too, but the ones on his neck catch your eyes the most. It almost seems like there are lip-stick marks on them, and you feel something that almost feels like jealousy in the pit of your stomach. Someone's obviously gotten to him recently and done exactly what had flicked through your brain a second ago.

But then again... When you lean closer, pretending to itch your leg, you notice that said marks are faint and almost match his skin tone, which throws you off. There are a few just like that smattered across your own body too, and they've been there since as long as you can remember.

Now you're curious.

"Kai?" You ask, facing your computer and whispering out of the corner of your mouth.

"Mm?"

"Are those birthmarks? Around the moles on your neck?"

He looks at you quickly, a faint blush on his cheeks. "They are, actually... most people assume they're like, hickies or something? They're not, though. So."

You smile at him, tugging the collar of your shirt down so he can see the few on your own neck. "I have some other places too. My mom says they're where your soulmate kissed you most in your past life, which makes me a little suspicious of my soulmate's preferences." Your smile turns a little wry, and then you look away.

"Mine too, actually," he smiles to himself. "A lot on my moles, which are a lot of places, so..."

Your eyes widen at both the whisper of "they look like they're gonna kiss..." coming from the bookshelves and the thought running through your head of wanting to press your own lips to his moles, regardless of their placements. His soulmate was one relatable bastard.

You stand quickly, shoving your things in your bag, and murmur a small apology of your quick departure to Kai. No doubt he'll think he'd driven you off with his confession, but that works for you. No need to tell him the real reason.

You hear multiple groans of annoyance when you pass the bookshelf your friends are behind, and you slam your hand against it for a quick second, sending a glare to whoever's eyes you meet on the other side.

You'll be having words with them all later.

WHY couldn't they let you have your words with them????

Madelyne inviting Bianca to your dorm the next day was practically the perfect opportunity to chew them both out. You'd already gotten mad at the others on the group chat (you're sure Yeonjun regrets adding you).

But!! Before you can even open your mouth to say something, they're both pulling open your drawers and closet doors, throwing clothes at you. You're stunned into silence until a sock flies into your mouth, which you spit out, and yell, "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?????"

They both pause and look at you with confused expressions. "Did you not get our texts? We've sent, like, thirty in the past 10 minutes," Bianca says. Her hands are full with a few of your skirts that you've shoved in the back of your closet, and you snatch them from her.

"OBVIOUSLY not? What did you say????"

When neither respond, gesturing to your phone, you open it and read through. "I am NOT going to a party. No way. I've got things to do!"

Madelyne rolls her eyes. "Yn. This is your second year in college and you haven't been to a single party."

"I have!!" you protest, moving to shove your clothes back in the drawers.

"Katie Milewicz's birthday party does not count."

"Whether it counts or not, I'm NOT going to this one!"

"What if we told you all the guys will be there and you can bash them about the library incident?" Bianca's smooth voice chimes in with Madelyne's, and it makes you look up momentarily.

"Fine. It'll be fun to do it in person." You sigh in defeat, then grab one of your pairs of jeans and a T-shirt. "But I am NOT dressing up!!"

"There we go..." They both grin at you and wait outside the bathroom as you change and do your hair. Taking your hands and dragging you to the dorm where said party is being held, you press your lips closed in frustration.

When you open the door, it feels like a wall has hit you. A wall that is far too loud, smells like alcohol, and feels like a heat wave.

"On second thought... I might just stay out here." You turn from the door, a little overwhelmed, but Madelyne tugs you back to it.

"I promise it's not as bad when you get inside, okay? And we can find you a corner you can hang out in, with a drink or without."

You take a deep breath, making sure to let it out as a frustrated sigh, but you allow them to bring you inside.

Almost every face is unfamiliar to you, and you suddenly understand the meaning of the phrase 'this is not my crowd'. Remembering Bianca's words from earlier, you peer around for Kai and his friends, but the room is so filled, you have no hopes of spotting them.

You grab a coke and retreat to a corner, so close to it that your hip is pressed right where the two walls meet. Even in your little solitary area, you're bumped up against every now and then.

You hate it, you hate this.

Someone's hand finds your waist momentarily and that's it, you're out of here. You have to finish your project anyways, both you and Kai are counting on you for this.

Turning from the wall to find the doorway, you're met with the first familiar face you've seen all night, the person said face belongs to moving some dude away from you.

"Hey," Kai says, slightly breathless, and he leans against the wall next to you. Your heartbeat spikes at his proximity, and you swallow slightly, moving backwards away from him just the slightest.

He looks just as out of place as you, but the one thing that catches your eye is how someone's angled their colored phone light just right so that it somehow catches Kai's hair, making it look like a blue halo. You giggle slightly at it, and you double check your cup to make sure you haven't accidentally given yourself something that's not coke.

A smile crosses Kai's expression and it makes your heart flutter again, moving a little closer to him.

"So." You say in his ear, loud enough that he can hear but no one else can. "How'd you get here?"

"Do I really look that out of place?" He says in your own ear, lips brushing against your skin, and you swear you feel an actual spark. You feel a sudden need to have him closer, but you ignore it, smiling up at him. "One hundred percent. So who dragged you here?"

"Two guesses."

"Hmm... Yeonjun and Taehyun?"

"Close. Yeonjun and Beomgyu."

"Damn. Maybe me and Beomgyu are less similar than I thought."

"Maybe you're more similar to Soobin... it seems like the two of you get along well."

The way he's looking at you makes you feel like you've done something wrong, even though you know you haven't. What IS that?

Whatever it is, it renders you completely tongue tied, and Kai can tell. "Should we get out of here?"

You can only nod, and when he takes your hand to drag you out, you definitely feel something stirring inside you this time.

He stops just outside of the room, close enough that if someone came looking for you two, they'd be able to find you. You both slump against the wall and slide down it, sitting on the floor. Your sides are pressed close, and the writhing under your skin is only growing the longer he's touching you.

"What were you saying?" You ask, and now it's your turn to sound breathless.

"Oh, nothing... Something about you and Soobin getting on?"

"Oh, yeah. We went to middle school together. It's not like we were ever close, but it's like we have one familiar face from our childhood, you know?"

Your hand feels like it's moving of its own accord, playing with Kai's hair when he leans his head on your shoulder. "I get it. Me and my friend Soojin's girlfriend, Aurora, are like that. She was in my eighth grade class."

You nod slightly, your eyes shutting, and your hand slips farther down to his back. You can feel where his waist dips to his hips through his t-shirt and you press your fingers right there gently.

Your mind feels so fuzzy, you swear you feel like you're drunk. You don't know what possesses you to kiss Kai, but you know the moment you do that there's no way you can ever stop. His lips are soft, pressing against yours so perfectly, it's like you were made for each other. You're giggling into the kiss, eyes wide open, and you know that's a weird way to kiss someone, but you don't want to miss a single thing about his expression right now. His hair tickles your forehead and you can feel his breath on your cheek, along with his eyelashes, but it's perfect.

It's absolutely, 100% perfect.

When he breaks the kiss, forehead against yours, you don't allow space to say anything, tugging him back into the dorm and to the bathroom. You have him against the wall, lips against his, against his neck, the bit of collarbone that peeks from the collar of his shirt... there's a primal need deep inside you to have your lips on his and it's insatiable, tugging you back to him for more more more, and the way he's responding you can tell he can feel it too.

Kai lowers his head to press soft kisses against your neck, one after another, and someone pounds their fist against the door after attempting to turn the locked knob.

You only giggle, and a voice follows the knock. "Are you screwing in there?"

Kai lets out a surprised and amused breath at the incorrect assumption. One last kiss to your jawline that does nothing to quell the need of his lips and he's dragging you back out of the bathroom and to his room, and let's just say... there's no need to worry about him not kissing you tonight.

The sun is too bright.

That's your first thought when you wake up with a splitting headache, in a room that is very unfamiliar to you. You feel so horrible that you'd think you'd had at least three drinks last night.

You look around the room to find Kai asleep on the floor in a tangle of blankets. With his tall frame, the sight is almost funny. But it's also your only relief about what the last night consisted of, because waking up in his clothes had put more than a few running thoughts inside your head. At least now you can have a feeling nothing happened.

But looking at Kai and knowing what you did last night, what the both of you did... you have to get out of here. You can't change out of the clothes, but you grab yours and your shoes, and you quietly leave the room, heading back to your dorm.

Madelyne and Bianca are waiting there, surprisingly sober, although they look a lot like they hadn't slept at all last night. Bianca's usually perfectly-picked afro is smushed on one side and not the other, like she'd laid on it all night, and Madelyne's makeup is smeared all over her face.

"Oh, thank God you're okay!" They both fling themselves up from the bed and into your arms, then pause and take in your current state. "Are you okay?"

You nod quickly. "I just slept over at Kai's."

Bianca looks at Madelyne with a sly grin, then back at you. "Mhmmmm..."

You roll your eyes, then head to the fridge to get a bottle of water. "Did you guys get any sleep last night?"

"Not a wink."

Madelyne seems almost proud to admit her commitment to worrying about you, but it only makes your heart hurt. You were so busy with Kai you hadn't even sent them a text to explain.

"Guys... I'm sorry, I should've told you I was leaving. It won't happen again."

You look down at your feet while you say it, cheeks hot with embarrassment, and Madelyne pulls you into a hug by your arm. "Hey, yn, it's alright, okay? We're fine, you're fine, everyone's fine."

"That's true." You smile a little, then take a sip of your water. "I'm gonna lay down, okay? Let me know if Kai texts, I may have left without telling him..."

You're not afraid of leaving your phone with them. A, because they don't know your password, and B, because they're your best friends in the whole wide world and you trust them.

The water helps your headache go down and you're nodding off to sleep when your friends barge in. "He texted!!!"

You groan and fling your arm out for your phone. "Gimme..."

Bianca puts it in your hand and giggles slightly, bumping hips with Madelyne.

huening project partner 📖🖊️ hey, just wanted to check in after last night since you didn't tell me you were leaving... is everything all right? text or call me when you get this <3

You put your face in your hands with a sigh, and drop your phone on the side of the bed. "Not right now. Too much thinking involved in responding."

"He sent you a heeEeEeeEaaRrrT!" Madelyne giggles, raising her eyebrows repeatedly.

"Because. We kissed. And kissed again. And again. AND AGAIN. And now I don't want to talk to him because I don't have the emotional capacity, so please leave me alone right now."

You pout at them at your last sentence and then roll over in your bed, signifying the end of your conversation.

You'll text him later, of course you will. You just need to find a way to think with your brain, not your lips, because there's an actual ache inside you that needs him next to you.

You don't text him later. It's not your fault you slept for hours, and then went to eat lunch and go to an arcade and then got dinner and went back to sleep!! But you forgot that your presentation is tomorrow, and now, standing next to Kai at the front of the room, it's more than a little awkward.

You can see a littering of kiss marks on his neck and wonder how they even showed up like that. But that's not the point right now. The point is that you need to recite this presentation but your mind is blank. It's like every time Kai steps closer to you, something from him makes you go dizzy and numb and unable to form normal human words.

It doesn't seem like he's fairing much better... he keeps looking behind him at the presentation, which is bullet-pointed to keep it small, instead of the full paragraphs you were supposed to memorize.

Finally ending the project, you're more than a little relieved. It was not good, at all. You'd be surprised if you got anything higher than a B. You're more frustrated than mad at the result of your work. You both worked hard on this, you know you did. Things just happened at the wrong times and messed everything else up.

You're ready to leave at the end of class, but the teacher stops both you and Kai. They lean over their desk to whisper to you, even though the rest of the class is gone, and their dark silver hair catches the light just so to make it look like it's sparkling.

"Yn, Kai... I don't know what happened today, but I trust that it was something bad enough to cause this, because I am genuinely surprised at your outcome of this project. I saw the two of you working on it together. The Powerpoint was done very well. But the actual oral part of your presentation... was not. And for that, I can't give you any higher than a C-."

They look genuinely apologetic when they usher you out of the room, and when Kai tries to say something to you, you brush past him and head to your room. Thank god that was your last class of the day... you have no idea if you could've handled having any more after that disaster.

You're not necessarily... upset, so to say. Right now, you just feel in shock. Shocked that you let something as stupid as making out with your partner on this project give you a C-.

Your plan is already in action when you fall into the comfort of your bed: let it sink in, cry, sleep, eat, sleep, sleep.

You're just getting comfortable, tucking yourself under your covers and wrapping them around you, when a sharp, burning sensation on your neck makes you hiss through your teeth. You swat at your neck. Is it a bug??? When you feel nothing there, yet the burning doesn't cease, you groan and get out of your bed, trudging to your bathroom.

You look in the mirror, tug down your shirt's neckline, and-

"What the fuck is that???"

You have lines of bright red kiss marks on your neck, like some sort of fucking rash, and every time you touch them they start stinging. The sting must be getting to your head because the first thing you think of is, 'does kai have some sort of weird poison on his lips???'

You giggle at your own thoughts, take a photo of your neck, and send him a text saying just that.

huening project partner 📖🖊️ funny, i was just thinking the same about you can you come over, please? it's really really important

You almost type no, but then the sting turns to an ache that you can feel in the pit of your stomach, and you hit send.

you yes

The moment you open the door it feels like the ache is tugging you towards Kai by a string, like you're some sort of puppet. The moment your palm meets his shoulder, the burn on your throat ceases and a small gasp leaves your lips.

"This is not normal," you mumble, pressing a kiss to his lower lip.

"Not at all," he agrees, lips finding yours when you part.

Your gaze drops to his neck to find the remnants of your kisses from the night before. "So then... It's been happening to you too?"

He nods, one hand on your cheek, and when he kisses you again, it feels like your heart is being wrenched from your chest. In a good way.

"I- please, do that again?" You whisper, chest pressed against his.

He complies with no protest, his breath shaking against your skin.

The burn is less, but still there, and you remember something you've read. "Kai?"

"Hm?"

"I think... I think you're my soulmate."

He smiles at you and kisses you again. "Yeah, I've been figuring the same thing. It hurts, doesn't it?"

For a moment, you think he's talking about finding out who your soulmate is, but then you realize he's referring to each of the kisses burning against your skin. "It does.. do you know what we're supposed to do?"

He nods, and lowers his lips to your neck again. You smile to yourself at the fact that he knows, and quickly tug your shirt off, followed by your shorts, and he follows suit. Moments later, you're laying side-by-side in his bed, and, just as everything you've read has promised, when his bare skin meets you, the burn disappears completely.

And, well, with that taken care of, you go back to kissing him with a small giggle. You're more than a little surprised at finding your soulmate and you can tell Kai is too, his heartbeat fluttering under your palm.

His skin is smooth beneath your fingers, and you barely process when your lips lower to mark it, sucking splotchy purple hickeys across the broad plane of his chest. Kai shudders slightly when you do, and you look up at him, nervous you made a mistake.

He shakes his head the slightest, closing his eyes briefly. "I'm just... getting used to how it feels when you touch me."

Your cheeks grow hot. You thought it was just you who noticed, the way everything gets a little warmer when his body is touching yours.

The burn under your skin returns when you move away from him slightly, and when you gasp, Kai tugs you back down onto him, a little smile dancing across his face. "I think we're gonna have to stay like this for a while..~"

There's a teasing note to his voice that wasn't there just a second ago, and it makes you do a double take to be sure this was the same shy boy who smelled (and still smells) like baby powder. "I don't think I'll mind~"

His cheeks go pink, like he hadn't expected you to flirt back at all. It makes you laugh, the flustered look on his face that makes it seem like he's forgotten that you're in his bed, practically naked.

You press your forehead to his and leave a small kiss on one of the moles on his cheek. Kai's hands move to your hips, moving you just a little bit so you're situated on his stomach, and the way he looks up at you through the pieces of hair in his face makes your breath catch. This man right here wants you, needs you, and it's so blatantly obvious from the look in his eye that you have no idea if he's messing with you or not.

You tentatively move your hips back so you're straddling him, and run a slow hand down his torso, and when he closes his eyes, you can feel the emotions radiating off of him in your own body. That's new.

His emotions feel so warm, like he's happy just being here with you, and he almost feels like he's mentally nuzzling you when you run a hand through his hair. "I think I like this..." you murmur, laying down on top of him and looping your arms under his back. You note the way his head falls immediately to the crook of your neck, not to give you any more kisses, but just to breathe you.

He whines when you sit back up, but the moment your lips meet his again, you can feel him go fuzzy, like he can't quite think straight when you're kissing him, and... well, you're almost completely sure that he can feel you feeling the same way.

"Kai, I..." You try to catch your breath when he breaks the kiss, but he chases your lips so desperately that you can't help but fall back into him.

A soft whimper from him surprises you, and, if even possible, you feel his mind go even fuzzier. Dizzy too, almost. Like his head has gone underwater and everything he's hearing has gone muffled, along with everything he says, too.

"Wan', please?" he hums, lips finding your neck again.

You almost ask what he wants, but you can feel it, and your cheeks grow hot before you oblige, your hand slipping beneath his boxers to take him in your hands. His tip is dribbling clear precum when you tug his boxers down, and when you stroke him once, you can feel the pleasure coursing through his body.

The achy burn is back, a little more fervent, like some sort of primal animal instinct, and it needs him closer, more, this close is nowhere near close enough, and before you can even comprehend it, you're whispering in Kai's ear and he's nodding and you notice that the burn only goes away completely once he's inside you.

Oh fuck.

It's not like you haven't done this before. It's not like you haven't enjoyed doing it before. But nothing has ever come even close to this. You can feel him, not just inside you but around you and with you and everything else. It's like every other time you've had sex all pushed into one thing and multiplied by ten.

And it's not just your experience you're feeling, it's like you're in Kai's head and not only feeling what you're feeling but also what it feels like to him. How it feels to be inside you. The same experience, backwards.

People have told you how much better it feels with your soulmate, but you just scoffed. How is something going to feel better with some random person you have a connection with?

But now you understand.

It's not just some random hookup with some random person. Nowhere near that at all. It's with someone who feels both new and familiar because you've crossed lifetime after lifetime together and now you've finally found each other again. It's like kissing someone that you know you can give up all control to, and they'd still hold you and take care of you and it just feels right.

You can tell Kai's new to this. His body is at an awkward angle beneath you, his arms looped over your legs, and his eyes are squeezed tightly shut. You can hear his shaky inhales and exhales, and his lips curl into a soft smile when you press a small kiss to them.

"Good?" You ask, and you can tell without him answering that yes, he's feeling very good, indeed.

"Very... 've never before, didn't know it felt like this..."

You giggle, which comes out wrong with how fucking breathless you feel, the burn of the kisses on your neck replaced by the burn in your thighs. "Trust me... doesn't usually feel like this."

He laughs, a quiet sound, his hips rocking up against yours. "'M I that good?"

"Ah, I don't know about that..." You tease, licking up the side of his neck. You smirk when his hands find purchase on your ass, moving you up and down in time with his thrusts, but the cocky look on your face slips when you feel him hit that spongy spot inside you, gummy walls tightening around him desperately.

Kai hisses through his teeth, then smiles up at you. "What were you just saying~?"

You smack him on his shoulder. "Shut up."

"What was that? Sorry, couldn't hear you over the sounds you're making~" He gives you a shit-eating grin that reminds you oh-so-much of his friend.

"You're acting like Beomgyu. Maybe I should take your favorite plushies and give them to him, considering you've swapped personalities today."

He feigns a shocked expression. "You would never!!!"

"I would!"

"You know... I could totally take my dick out right now and make you go back to your dorm.."

Contrary to his words, he only quickens his pace, repeatedly hitting the spot that makes your breath hitch. "Please don't."

"Hm? What was that~?"

"Don't stop, please, 'm so close, Kai..."

"Thought you said I wasn't good..." He catches your earlobe in his teeth briefly before his face falls to your neck, breathy pants against your skin betraying his facade.

You pull away from him and he whines slightly, looking up at you with a pout. "I think you should stop talking and just make me cum, Hyuka."

"I thought, ah, you liked when i- fuck- when i talk..."

"Mmm... debatable." You smirk down at him and the cocky smile plastered on an otherwise fucked-out face. The poor boy has tears wetting his lashes from your combined pleasure, his cheeks flushed.

"However, I do like this," you add, hands gripping at his upper arms. "I like this a lot."

"If you wanted me to shut up, then w-why are you talking to me?"

"I decided that actually, I'd rather hear you try to talk to me while you cum."

His eyes go wide at that, blonde hair plastered to his forehead with sweat. "I- I, ah, I-"

"'I, I, I,'" You mock, pursing your lips into a pitying pout. "Are you even trying?"

He nods pathetically, hands tightening on your hips. "I can't, I, feels so, so-" Kai cuts himself off with a whimper, hips twitching up against yours in a desperate attempt to pull himself closer to the edge.

"How does it feel, baby?" You coo, looking at him with wide, innocent eyes.

"Jus', ah, just wan' cum, 'm so close, feels so good, yn..."

A wide smile spreads its way over your lips, and your eyes narrow, almost like you're a predator looking at its prey. "See, baby? Wasn't that easy? That's all I wanted..."

He nods quickly, a watery sob pulled from his chest, and you press a soft kiss to his awaiting lips. "Doing so good, alright? Making me feel perfect, so so good."

Kai nods again, his breath shuddering in and out against your neck, his torso tensing up before his warm cum spurts inside you, cutting off whatever words you were about to say because holy shit, you can feel it. Not his cum painting the walls of your cunt, but the sheer ecstasy in his body from the force of his orgasm.

It's so overwhelming that you feel as if you might pass out when your own high washes over you. You go limp against Kai, cheek against his chest because all you can feel right now is exhaustion.

His arms lazily wrap around you, holding you close, and you roll off of his dick and onto the bed next to him, still panting. "So."

"So?"

You smile up at him, left hand running through his hair. "That was fun, right?"

"Very fun. I don't think I'm gonna be able to recover for another few hours."

You laugh, nuzzling into his neck. "I don't think so, either. If ever. I think I get the hype behind finding your soulmate now."

"Yeah? Did your super-awesome-amazing-boyfriend-slash-soulmate convince you of that?"

"Who said you were my boyfriend? Maybe I just fucked you because you're cute and you're my soulmate and now I'm going to ditch you for Soobin."

"Why is it always Soobin??? What obsession do you have with Soobin???" He looks genuinely hurt, and you stifle a laugh.

"I'm not obsessed with him, you idiot. I'm obsessed with my super-awesome-amazing-boyfriend-slash-soulmate who convinced me to enjoy having him as a soulmate."

This is new to you, unfamiliar territory. You've never walked into class holding hands with anyone, let alone your soulmate. Madelyne and Bianca are hovering behind you both the whole time, squealing and giggling and occasionally whisper-yelling their brand new shipname just for you and Kai.

And as for SooTaeJunGyu... when you happened to let a casual message to Kai slip out in the groupchat, they were quick to pick up on it and even quicker to realize you two were not just dating, but soulmates. (You still regret them finding out this way.)

Beomgyu's been the most annoying, as expected, posting whiny messages about how you spend all your time with Kai, and remember what you said about hanging out with him?

Of course, you haven't forgotten... it just so happens that every time you're away from Kai for more than a few hours, his most recent kisses start to burn again. Which means, wherever you go, Kai goes if you're going to be there for longer than two hours.

Kai gives your hand a gentle squeeze, still unsure of how much PDA you want, but when you give him a quick peck on the cheek, he goes slightly pink.

Your professor only smiles at your linked hands when you enter the classroom. They'd had more than an inkling of your connection, which is exactly why they paired you two together for this project. Obviously, they hadn't expected you to almost fail the presentation, but, oh well, things happen.

Should you thank them if you ever find out? Yes. But will they ever tell you? No way, at all, ever. There's no reason for you two to ever know.

The most surprising occurrence today is most likely lunch, when you wipe off your lipgloss to take a bite of your lunch, and Kai has one request for you.

"Can I taste your lipgloss real quickly?"

The tips of his ears are red, and it's so endearing that the question doesn't even faze you. You smirk lightly, applying a fresh coat just to kiss him on the lips, and when he swipes his tongue over his lower lip after you pull away, you can't help but giggle at the surprised look on his face.

"Soobin-hyung, Soobin-hyung, I figured out why my sandwich tasted weird the other day!!"

Soobin looks up from his own lunch to catch the tail-end of Kai's sentence. He chews for a second, then speaks. "Hm?"

"My sandwich, remember???? The one I had you try and you said it tasted normal???"

Soobin shrugs, and Kai sighs, picking up your tube of lipgloss. "It tasted fruity to me. Like berries. And this lipgloss is called berry sorbet, Soobin! Because Yn's my soulmate, and she was wearing this lipgloss!!"

You facepalm at his excitement and Soobin's amused expression. Kai's in such shock, you can only expect to be hearing about this all day.

And sure enough, when Kai's walking by himself ahead of you, on your way to your last class of the day, you can hear him mumble to himself, "Berry sorbet... I can't believe I didn't figure it out sooner..."

taglist: @isitthemoon @sunnibearr @beomsitez @agustdiv1ne @mixtape-racha @hyewka @dido-of-the-endless @fairyofshampgyu @huckleberrykai @yaekounzn @prodsh00ky @yo-yo-yeonjun @sofiw0rld @strawberry-kirby @certifiedmoa @txtistheloml @shytubatu @sunnibearr @soobhns @beargyuu311 @napofamoon @zeecarus @gyuthmics @ohmahgods @notevenheretbh1 @crispymicrowave @junoswrlld @ningka @5xiang @hyungpo

[vanwritesfan-fiction]

Hii love<3 i hope everything is fine🫂

So the other day i accompanied my brother to pick up my niece from kindergarten and she went out with a boy was he carrying her backpack, that was nice 🥹 but i also saw my brother almost have a heart attack because she is his little girl (that was funny lmao) i thought it would be nice - fun something like that with Jack🥹🫶🏻 you can take it if you want (no pressure only yesterday i remembered it while i was reading that petition where B was talking about Patrick)

Sending you lots of love and hope you are having a good week🫶🏻🫶🏻ily😙

Hi love! Thank you so much, I am doing well and I hope you are too! This idea is so cute, thank you for sending it in!

'Are we good? I've got somewhere to be." Jack looked up from his phone at Nemo who was focused on the control board. "Your last verse was a little pitchy, wanna run it again?"

"I like pitchy, its my new sound." Jack joked as he checked the time on his phone, his leg jiggling up and down nervously.

Nemo gave Jack an incredulous look. "Man, what's going on with you? Any other time, if I called you pitchy you'd cuss me out and you've checked the time on your phone like five times in the last 10 minutes."

"He's got a date with his girl", Urban chuckled from his spot across the room. "Girl? I thought your wife was out of town", Nemo asked as he looked between the two of them. "My other girl, Liyah. Its just us this weekend so I'm gonna pick her up from pre-school and take her on a daddy-daughter date today."

A low rumble of "aws" echoed across the room, making Jack blush. "I can still take five minutes to cuss you out if ya'll don't stop", Jack warned as he got up and grabbed his things before heading out the studio, Nemo and Urban busting into laughter as soon as the door shut.

Luckily, Jack timed it just right so he was first in the carpool line with a perfect view of the door so he could see when Aaliyah came out. He answered a couple of work emails while he waited for school to end, jumping out of the car as soon as the bell rung to join the group of waiting parents. Jack rarely got a chance to pick the girls up from school, so he didn't recognize but a few parents he'd met when Aaliyah had a playdate, giving them quick waves hello.

"You must be Jack. Aaliyah talks about you all the time." Jack turned on his heels to acknowledge a voice behind him, coming into contact with a parent he knew he'd never met before. "Hi, I'm Sarah, Parker's mom." Jack took the extended handshake as he slid his phone in his back pocket. "Nice to meet you, Jack Harlow."

"Oh, I know all about you. Parker and Aaliyah have become good friends this year so I've heard all about your music career and how cool of a guy you are." Jack gave Sarah a gentle smile. "I guess paying your daughter does work after all", he said in jest, quickly backtracking when Sarah's face fell.

"I'm kidding, promise I don't pay my children to talk about my career", he bit at his bottom lip, wishing he hadn't made that joke. "Sure", she muttered, taking a step back.

Jack made a mental note to tell you to avoid Sarah in the future, quickly getting over his embarrassment as a bunch of kids came running out. He spotted Aaliyah within the busy crowd, her messy curls up in two ponytails, her face in that beautiful smile that reminded him of you. He took his eyes off of her for a second when he felt his phone buzz, checking his text messages in case it was work related.

"Daddy!" The smile that formed on Jack's face at the sound of Aaliyah's voice quickly turned into a scowl as he saw that she wasn't alone, holding the hand of a little boy her same height as they walked toward him. His breath hitched at the sight, his chest tightening as he tried to keep his composure. "Hi Daddy! Look, I colored you a picture!" She shook the pink construction paper in front of Jack, but he was to preoccupied trying to figure out who this boy was that was holding his precious baby girl's hand.

"Who's this, Liyah?" Jack dropped to his knees to be at eye level with his daughter, taking her backpack from her. "This is Parker! He's my boyfriend!" It took everything in Jack not to pass out on school grounds, his grip on her bag tightening. "Hi, Mr. Jack!", Parker answered, jumping up and down, swinging their arms between them.

"Hi, Parker", Jack mumbled, watching Sarah approach out of the corner of his eye. "Aren't they so cute? They think they're boyfriend and girlfriend", she chuckled, reaching out for Parker, who took her hand. "I wouldn't call it cute, but what do I know?", he gritted out between clenched teeth. Jack didn't mean to sound argumentative, but he sent off a pre-schooler to school this morning and he was picking up a teenager. "Alright baby, let's go." He gave Sarah a weak smile as he grabbed his daughter's hand.

"Bye Parker! I see you soon!" Aaliyah broke away from Jack to give Parker a hug before catching back up with him. "Yeah, bye Parker, see you never again." Jack mocked as they walked to the car, his face scrunched up in irritation.

****

"Baby, we need to find a new preschool for Aaliyah." Jack stroked his beard, his gaze focused on the ceiling. He had his phone rested on his chest as he laid in bed talking to you, the house quiet with Aaliyah asleep.

You chuckled, rolling your eyes, even though he couldn't see you. "Like hell we do, Jack. We were on a three year waiting list for that school. What happened?"

"Parker." Jack grumbled out, making you laugh out loud. "Ah, so you finally met Parker." That made Jack quickly shoot up. "You knew about him?"

"About your three year old daughters harmless little boyfriend? Yes, yes, I did." Jack scoffed, throwing himself back down on the pillows. "I don't know about harmless, baby. They were holding hands and everything."

"Jack, please, don't start. Liyah is only three years old, she thinks she's in love with every boy she meets because that's all she knows." The only thing Brooklyn and Aaliyah knew about love at a young age was from watching you and Jack, who even so many years later were still head over heels in love with each other. It set a great example, but they were both so young and didn't understand different types of relationships yet. "She sees the way we are around each other, and thinks that how you act with people you love."

"I guess", Jack sighed, running a hand through his hair, "it just made me realize she's not my baby anymore."

"Jack, you're getting way ahead of yourself. She is only three, she still needs you for pretty much everything, and she loves you so much more than she does anyone else, including her boyfriend." You threw that in knowing that would irritate him, hearing Jack shiver over the phone. "Stop using that word, please."

"Fine", you giggled, "but you still have plenty of years before you have to worry about any real boyfriends. Plus, I'm pretty sure Parker is your biggest fan."

"What does that say about me, that my biggest fan is a toddler?", Jack asked, but you chose to ignore his quip. "So we can stay at this school?"

"Yes, we can stay at this school. We do have to avoid Parker's mom, Sarah, though." That caught your attention. "Why? I like Sarah. We're on the PTO together."

Jack let out a nervous chuckle. "She may or may not think that we pay our daughters to talk about how good of a rapper I am."

[harrysfolklore]

can we get a one shot with opening act y/n, with Harry’s reaction to her outro to nonsense and ends a little steamy ;) inspo to this tiktok

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRHAXb32/

i hope you missed her bc she’s back ! check opening act!yn masterlist &lt;3

if you want early access to my work, exclusive polls and tropes you can subscribe to my patreon

//

Life couldn’t get better for you at the moment.

After opening Harry’s shows for his european leg on tour, you gained a lot of fans who couldn’t wait for your next album to be released, and when you did, the support you got was just unbelievable. Emails I can’t send, your debut album, went straight to number one in the US and the UK and the lead single, Fast times, climbed all the way to the top 10 of the billboard hot 100. It was safe to say that when you announced your tour dates, they were sold out almost immediately.

Your love life was also thriving, after the tour, Harry and you just couldn’t stay away from each other, and even tho almost everyone said that what you had was just a vivid tour fling you both knew that wasn’t the case. What you and Harry had was something real and something that neither of you felt before, and it showed in the way he held your hand as you drove to Columbia’s headquarters to deliver the finished material for your album, it showed in the way you stood up for him about the nasty rumors regarding his latest movie, and it showed it the way you just couldn’t stop writing songs about him, your album was the proof.

So yeah, life couldn’t get better at the moment, and as you stood on stage about to perform your second sold out night at Webster Hall, New York, you felt the happier you’ve ever been.

During the tour your song “Nonsense” became an absolute fan favorite, thanks to the different outros you did every night for it, you did it for the first time on the second night of the tour and the fans absolutely loved it, they went viral on tiktok and everyone was excited to hear what you come up with every night. One in particular made everyone go absolutely crazy, because it included a little mention of your boyfriend.

“This crowd is giving all the endorphins

I wish Harry could rearrange my organs

Philly is the city I was born in"

It was safe to say that clips of you singing that went viral on every social media platform, and of course, Harry saw it and the smirk on his face was evident, you were currently away from each other doing your own stuff and he could only send you a text saying "You're an absolute tease. I will definitely do as you sing next week. I miss you x "

He definitely did as you sang, and you enjoyed every minute of it. Now, he was at the crowd of your New York show, it was the first time he was watching you perform on your tour, his schedule was too ethic with his tour residencies and his movie projects and that made him miss your opening night and the first shows.

So now, as he stood in the crowd as you introduced the most awaited song of the night, Nonsense, he couldn’t wait to see what lyrics you would add with him there.

You looked for him in the crowd, never breaking eye contact as you sang, and fans definitely noticed that, all cameras traveled from you to him wanting to catch every reaction, you knew those clips were definitely going viral as soon as they were posted.

“New York City you sold out the fastest

My baby is the crowd he’s mesmerized

Everyone in this room is a bad bitch”

Yells and cheers were heard all around the venue as the outro for the night rolled off your tongue, and it was more than certain that the blush on Harry’s cheeks matched the huge smile on his face.

liked by harryfan1, harryfan2 and 4,098 others

harryupdates Harry at YN’s show in NYC tonight !

view all 1,012 comments

harryfan1 OMGGG

ynfan1 aweee supportive boyfriend

harryfan2 i love their relationship sm

ynfan2 girlie is going to sing the steamiest nonsense outro

HARRY’S INSTAGRAM STORIES

//

liked by madisonbeer, harrystyles and 1,097,624 and others

yourinstagram my baby is in the crowd, he’s mesmerized

view all 56,827 comments

ynfan1 GIRLLLL

harryfan1 She was so iconic for this

billieeilish 🔥🔥

ynfan2 living for these outros

harrystyles Mesmerized by your talent x

↳ harryfan2 YEAH SURE THING

↳ ynfan3 be serious

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[magicshopaholic]

Moving On (Namjoon x OC)

Summary: BTS performs in Amsterdam and Namjoon invites you to the afterparty.

Pairing: Namjoon x OC

Genre: Angst, smut

Word count: 8.2K

Rating: 18+

Warnings: language, angst, sex, nudity, making out, fingering, cumming, arguing,

A/N: Takes place a little over a month after Final Destination.

Tagging: @bbl32, @quarter-life-crisis2,  @margopinkerton, @faearchives,  @whoisbts, @purpleseoul7, @sumzysworld, @kflixnet (if you want to be added to the taglist, lmk)

Listen to: "where does the good go" by tegan and sara

namjoon masterlist | main masterlist

Joon [13:45] Did you get the email from Big Hit?

Kaya [13:50] Yes

Joon [13:51] The number at the end is their London office. They’ve been briefed already and have additional security available for all European locations.

Kaya [13:54] Okay

There’s a break in the chat here. Kaya stares at the time stamp, trying to picture him scrambling to find something else to say.

Joon [14:15] The company managed to track down the account that uploaded the video. Account has been taken down and they’ve sued for invasion of privacy.

Kaya [14:20] Okay 

Joon [14:22] They’ve also offered to add damages to the suit, in case we want that. Do you?

Kaya [14:25] Not really

Joon [14:26] Okay then

Another break. Kaya scans the time stamps again, even though she’s memorised it by now. She remembers the three dots indicating him typing, seeing them appear and disappear over and over again. 

Joon [14:40] How are you?

Kaya [14:45] Fine

Joon [14:46] How‘s work?

Kaya [14:48] Fine

Joon [14:50] Kaya I’m trying

Kaya [14:51] Class starting, got to go

He hadn’t responded and she hadn’t expected him to. Four days post break-up hadn’t been nearly long enough for her to let go of her anger but now, four weeks in, it’s only been replaced with an equal amount of sadness and longing.

Every conversation has been exactly this terse and abrupt, the last one being a week ago. It had appeared when she’d been teaching an elective class and it had taken every ounce of her will to not check it until the class ended. As it turned out, she couldn’t even think of a decent response to it.

“How can he possibly think of asking me this?” Kaya mutters, earphones in as she walks home. It’s dusk, a gorgeous time of the day, but she holds no appreciation for it right now.

“Wouldn’t it be worse if he didn’t ask?” Dilara asks reasonably. She’s in her car by the sound of it, a low hum audible of whichever fancy car of hers she’s decided to take out today.

Kaya swallows, pondering this. It might be, but it doesn’t address the problem she’s too embarrassed to voice out loud: it should be harder for him to ask. The thought that he might not be taking this break-up as hard as she is kills something inside of her, as if she’d misunderstood everything in the last three years. 

Her strategy to save herself from hearing the truth had been to distance herself from everyone, including Yoongi, who had texted her out of the blue one day to ask her if she was okay (she hadn’t responded); Seokjin, who seemed to skirt the topic altogether and sounded as though he was speaking to someone very sick; and especially Dilara, who Kaya knew would be the only one with the capacity to ask insightful questions that she herself was too afraid to.

“It’s just… strange,” is all she can manage. “He hopped on a flight, shot a few emails, came over and broke up with me and then went right back to his schedule, all in one day. And now he's inviting me to a party?"

“After-party, so it won’t be, like… crazy,” Dilara clarifies. “And the concert before it.” 

“I’m definitely not going to his concert.”

“Of course not,” she agrees breezily. “I wouldn’t expect you to. But the party… I mean, it’s a good thing, isn’t it? He doesn’t want you to be strangers.”

Kaya slows down as she approaches the river. She’s taken the long route home today - anything to prolong the commute before another night in her tainted apartment with memories on every surface.

“I don’t know if I want to see him.” I don’t know if I can. “He wants to see me, though, apparently,” she states after a moment.

Dilara doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. “I mean -“ She begins before pausing, then trying again. “I’m sure it’s going to be torture for him to see you. But even that’s better than not seeing you.”

Kaya doesn’t even realise she’d been holding her breath; she exhales as slowly as possible so as to not make a sound, both at Dilara’s words as well as her answering the unasked question.

She doesn’t respond immediately, though. Now that they’re down this route of addressing concerns she’s been harbouring in her heart for weeks, Kaya feels the rest of them on the verge of tumbling out of her mouth.

"You've seen him a bit these last couple of months,” she ventures, lowering her voice and leaning backwards against the railing overlooking the river. “Does it seem like he misses me at all?"

Dilara hums, a little too knowingly for Kaya’s liking. “Of course, he does. He’s not the most expressive when it comes to his feelings but aside from Tae last year, I don't think I've met a more miserable person."

Kaya waits for the swell of happiness or relief at this news, but all it brings with it is a new wave of anger and frustration.

“Thanks.”

"Look, speaking from experience, it's not easy seeing your ex after a difficult break-up,” says Dilara, sighing. “But sometimes you don't realise just how much you needed to see them until you see them, even if it's just to gain some closure."

Closure. It sounds… final. Kaya can’t picture it, being virtual strangers eventually, just bits of each other’s past. Ex-boyfriend, girl of his dreams, the one that got away. She hates all those words because they just don’t apply, not really. They can’t.

She closes her eyes and presses the heel of her palms into them to intercept the wetness forming, not caring that Dilara is still on the other end of the line. She and Namjoon had stood right here, years ago, living in the bliss of a new couple in fresh love. He’d brought her a bunch of tiny yellow flowers from the park, part-cheesy and part-genuine, eyes twinkling and dimples soft.

Kaya squeezes her eyes shut at the memory, terrified at how the edges of it are already blurring. 

“I don’t think I’ll go,” she murmurs, opening her eyes to stare at the ground. “I can’t.” 

“Are you sure?” Dilara sounds slightly surprised.

“Yeah. Two days from now is… it’s too soon. I’ll either cry or yell or… I don’t know. It’s too hard.”

“Oh.” She’s quiet for a few seconds. “Okay. If you’re sure. Let me know if you want to get together on Sunday,” she adds. “Brunch or something.”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

—

The next day, Kaya is in the library again, grading papers and wishing she could go back to being a grad student who’s biggest problem was a pop quiz. She’s deliberately chosen a table at the back, away from where the students generally sit, which is why she looks up in surprise when someone comes to her table.

“H-hi, Kaya.” The student waves rests one hand on the back of an empty hair and waves hesitantly with the other.

“Um… hi.” Kaya tries not to frown too conspicuously, for she’s sure she knows this girl. 

Svetlana. Savannah. 

“Elena, right?”

“Yeah,” she answers with a nervous smile. “Um… are you busy?”

Kaya glances at the stacks of papers, books and laptop on the table. “Kind of, yeah.”

“Okay. Well… I just wanted to say hi.”

Kaya nods awkwardly and forces a small smile on her face. “Hi.”

Elena nods, tucking her hair behind her ears. She looks like she’s about to leave but at the last moment, sits down at the table. Kaya feels her smile fade for she really, really wants to be alone right now.

“How - how are things going?” She sounds nervous - extremely so. She seems to be fidgeting slightly and constantly touching her hair. 

“Great,” says Kaya shortly, going back to her paper and hoping she’ll take the hint. “You?”

“Not bad, overall. I guess. Classes are hard and mid-terms are coming up as well…” Elena trails off. “Any plans for the weekend?”

Trying not to sigh, Kaya shakes her head. “Not really. You?”

“Well… I’m going to a concert tomorrow,” she answers hurriedly, and it’s clear that she’s been waiting to divulge this information, oblivious to how Kaya’s heart stops. “It should be fun. Do - do you listen to BTS?”

An unexpected notification from this morning floats into her kind. BTS continues their Europe leg by arriving in Amsterdam, ready to kick off the summer in style!

“No,” she answers truthfully.

“Oh.” Elena is quiet for a moment. “They’re really… good.” 

There’s some awkward silence during which Kaya deliberately writes comments on the paper she’s grading, scratching the pen on the paper and wishing Elena would leave.

“It’ll be good to get out of campus. The people here are kind of intimidating. The parties are pretty wild, too,” she murmurs after a moment, sounding uncomfortable.

Kaya nods absently, uncharacteristically satisfied with the knowledge that she might be intimidating this unwanted guest. “Maybe you’re going to the wrong parties,” she offers.

Elena lets out a nervous laugh again. “Maybe. I never see you at them, though. There’s one, tonight, in the common room. Maybe you could come,” she suggests lightly. “Bring a friend or - or your boyfriend.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” she answers flatly, not looking up.

“You - oh.” There’s a note of surprise in her voice. “Oh,” she repeats, this time seemingly to herself. “Are you sure?” she blurts out.

Kaya’s eyes snap up to glare at her. “Pretty sure.”

Elena’s eyes widen. “Oh, of - of course,” she stutters. “Sorry, that - that was a stupid question. Sorry.” She swallows and looks at her lap.

Kaya closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, immediately feeling guilty for snapping at an innocent bystander in this situation. “Elena, I… I really need to get these papers done,” she tells her, her voice one of forced calm. “So…”

The blonde finally seems to understand and awkwardly stands up. “Okay. Um, see you around,” she says, tucking her hair behind her ear again. 

Kaya nods as she leaves, Namjoon’s invitation swimming in her mind tantalisingly. She can’t ignore it anymore, the fact that they’re in the same city, her city. If she’s not wrong, he’ll do the concert tomorrow night, the group will probably stay the night and depart by Sunday afternoon or evening and she will probably never see him again.

She attempts to continue grading the paper she was working on when Elena interrupted, but when she finds herself reading the same stupid sentence for the fourth time without retaining anything, she begins packing up, ready to head home.

—

Joon [18:42] Hope to see you there tonight

Kaya, with a loss as to how to respond to this, simply did not. She can’t imagine he would be texting her during his concert, but she also knows he has before, if the situation was urgent enough to demand it. 

She straightens the black dress against her hips and tilts her head at her reflection. It’s a simple dress, plain black, form-fitting and reaching below her knees, but it’s quite possibly the most gorgeous, sexiest dress she owns. 

If she and Namjoon were together, she would have worn it tonight with no hesitation because it would have driven him insane. After weeks of being apart, seeing her in this dress would have rendered him incapable of staying in work mode without dirty texts, flirty touches and eyes from across the room undressing her. Even now, with a bare face, her hair tied into a loose bun and no footwear, the dress is a game-changer.

She gives herself a few moments to imagine this paradise, one that might have come true tonight had she never told him about the break-in. Then, she silently unzips the dress and climbs out of the black fabric pooled around her feet. Tucking it back into her closet, she looks for something else.

Dilara [18:50] In case you change your mind, sharing the location here [Location]

Dilara’s text had come minutes after Namjoon’s, and Kaya has to imagine it was a genuine coincidence. Although she’d replied to neither, it was the second text that caused her to change her mind - that, and the lingering fear that if she didn’t go today, she didn’t know how either of them would be able to maneuver a situation to see each other again.

The concert should end in a little over an hour. Her phone pings again and she groans, for she doesn’t think she can take any more of their unsubtle attempts at convincing her to go tonight. It’s not Namjoon or Dilara, though, but Adam Fischer, her thirty-something thesis advisor, asking if she wants to discuss the coming week’s class schedule tonight.

Kaya shakes her head as she types out a reply (Sorry, I can’t tonight. Will set up a meeting for first thing Monday if that’s okay?), a little rueful. Namjoon heavily disliked Adam, despite having no concrete reason for doing so. He’d always suspected Adam of having feelings for her, even though Adam hadn’t said or done anything to make her think he might. Part of her wonders if she could somehow ditch the party for this meeting and still make sure that the news travelled to Namjoon through the grapevine (Dilara), and if that would still piss him off even now.

She immediately cringes at the pettiness of it, however, sending her reply to Adam and heading into the shower.

The party is at the rooftop restaurant of the hotel next to the concert venue, and presumably where BTS is staying while in Amsterdam. It isn’t as crowded as she was anticipating, although the music is fairly loud. It looks more like a fancy houseparty, and even a few seconds in, Kaya can spot a handful of vaguely famous people in attendance. She looks around for a familiar face, preferably Dilara or Yoongi or one of the younger boys, wishing she’d called ahead and trying not to think about the fact that in spite of not RSVP-ing, her name was on the guest list.

She takes another hesitant step in and audibly sighs when she spots Taehyung, who, for reasons best known to himself, has accessorised his outfit with an ascot. He seems to be in an animated conversation with Jungkook, while standing in between them and facing ahead, with loose curls tumbling down her shoulders and looking slightly bored, is…

“Kaya!”

Dilara’s mouth forms her name over the music as she brushes past her boyfriend and his friend and hurries towards Kaya, looking both happy and relieved to see her. “You look hot!” she exclaims when she reaches her.

“Oh -” Kaya looks down self-consciously; she’d settled for a straight strapless top and jeans, unable to justify dressing sexier without seeming like she was trying too hard for her ex-boyfriend. “Thanks. And you look…” She frowns slightly at Dilara’s mini-dress and go-go boots, with a slightly out-of-place gold ring hanging around her neck. “... like Daphne Blake.”

Dilara’s face visibly falls. “I look like a cartoon character?” she asks, wrinkling her nose.

“Well, a very pretty cartoon character,” she adds quickly. “Especially with the headband. But… why?”

She rolls her eyes. “Taehyung picked it - but I’m sure it’s not because of Daphne Blake.” Spotting Kaya’s confused expression, she shrugs sheepishly. “We got into an argument yesterday about who has better taste, so we decided to go shopping at The Nine Streets and pick each other’s outfits for tonight.”

Kaya raises her eyebrows, something seemingly clicking into place. “So the ascot is your doing?”

“M-hm.” She nods in satisfaction before her eyes widen. “Oh, hey! An ascot - like Fred!” She lets out a low whistle at this realisation and laughs, while Kaya nods knowingly, feeling the urge to smile for the first time in what feels like weeks. “Not planned but zero regrets. I wonder if Tae knows that - oh.”

Kaya cuts her off mid-sentence with a hug, suddenly immensely grateful for Dilara. She can’t remember the last time she’d let anyone into her life this much with the exception of Namjoon; but just maybe, when she’d been happy with him and her guard had been lowered, Dilara had slipped in without warning as well.

She tightens her arms around Kaya and rubs her back. “It’s good to see you, too,” she says, sounding part-surprised and part-delighted. “It’s been a while but I promise that we will still - oh, hey.” The change in tone is abrupt. “Incoming.”

By the way her voice immediately lowers, Kaya is sure she knows what Dilara is referring to. Her heart beating a mile a minute, she pulls away from the hug and turns as casually as she can.

Her first thought is that he looks thinner - visibly so. Well, he’s on tour, says a voice in her head but Kaya suspects that’s not the only reason, for he’d been on tour when he’d broken up with her as well.

His hair is a silvery blond, looking almost metallic; dressed simply in a black T-shirt and  jeans, he runs a hand through his hair so it falls gracefully around his face as he approaches her, his face unreadable.

“Hi,” he says, and it sounds like all the breath has been let out of him with just one word. He swallows and straightens his shoulders, a small smile appearing on his face, the dimple faintly visible. “It’s good to see you, Kaya.”

Kaya nods, unable to speak and overcome with a sudden urge to cry. “You, too,” she murmurs, glancing at the floor and blinking rapidly before looking back up at him, a bit defiantly.

“I’m glad you decided to come.”

She nods again, her chest twisting at how normal he sounds. He’s standing far away from her as well, as though to make it clear in every way possible that they’re not together. 

“Hope you had a good concert,” she ventures, recalling the grad student who’d accosted her yesterday, practically beside herself at attending a BTS concert. “Backstage must have been hectic.”

A flicker of something appears in his eyes for a moment, possibly with memories of backstage. Wishes of luck, last minute hugs, sweaty and passionate kisses fueled by adrenaline. But it disappears instantly and Kaya wonders if she imagined it.

“It was,” he answers, nodding. He slides his hands into his pockets smoothly, leaning back on his heels and his smile widening a little. “But worth it as always. The crew did well.”

Kaya doesn’t even bother nodding this time; all of a sudden, she regrets coming here tonight. Dilara has left, she just realises, and Namjoon is acting like they’re acquaintances at best, making her feel stupid and yet immensely grateful that she didn’t wear the sexy black dress.

At that moment, his eyes flicker to something behind her. “I’m sorry, I just need to go and say hi to a couple of people. But enjoy your night. It’s an open bar,” he adds, smiling and nodding politely before brushing past her and walking away.

Kaya doesn’t move; she doesn’t think she can. Something heavy feels like it’s settled on her chest, the weight of confusion, disbelief and crushing disappointment threatening to suffocate her. She has no idea what she’d been expecting; maybe arguing, fighting, crying together again - but not him not caring. Not this.

Namjoon continues walking in the opposite direction for as long as he can keep Kaya in his peripheral vision, both guilty and relieved when she doesn’t turn around. He doesn’t think he can look her in the eye if she does, witness the pain and hurt in her face that close.

He catches Seokjin’s eye and hurries over to him. Seokjin raises his eyebrows and seems to guess what might have transpired, ushering him over to the other end of the circular bar and out of Kaya’s line of sight.

“How did it go?”

Namjoon rests his palms on the bar and shakes his head, no words coming to him at the moment and feeling like he could throw up. He can’t fathom how he did it, how he stood there before her and didn’t immediately pull her to him, or break down and ask her to forgive him for doing the only thing he knew to do.

“Drink this.” Seokjin slides a glass to him and Namjoon takes it without hesitation, taking a huge gulp and waiting for it to sting his sinuses. 

“This is water,” he states hoarsely, frowning at the glass.

“Cold water,” corrects Seokjin. “It’ll help clear your head.”

Namjoon takes another sip and places the glass down, dropping his head into his hands. “I can’t do this. How do I tell her I can’t do this? How do I ask her to -“ But he breaks off here, his mind swimming with the sight of her bare shoulders and exposed collarbones, imagining how they would feel if he held her.

“Okay.” Seokjin exhales through his nose and pauses. “Look, I have to ask. You’ve seen the state she is in. And you’re…” He struggles for a moment “...like this. Are you absolutely sure you don’t want to ask her to get back -“

“No.” The answer is instant, although it’s partly a habit by now. As he does every time his mind tries to convince him otherwise, Namjoon forces the memory of her phone call to the forefront of his mind, the fear in her voice and  devastation on her face when he’d entered her apartment.

“But maybe this is -“

“No.” 

Seokjin is silent and Namjoon can tell that he doesn’t approve. Please don’t ask me again, hyung. He doesn’t know if he did the right thing by inviting her but he couldn’t imagine not doing it either, not being right here in her city, knowing she was so close that he could almost smell the coconut and vanilla in the air and still not see her in the flesh.

“If you’re sure,” says Seokjin at last. “If you are, then I guess you did well. Just… just be normal around her. Keep a normal distance, talk about normal things and…” He half-shrugs, sounding uncertain. “She’s smart. She’ll understand. If you’re sure you want to do this, then… she’ll get it.”

Normal. Namjoon knows what he means, but he wants to tell him that none of this is normal. Not touching her, not being honest with her, not being with her - none of it is normal. 

“She’s talking to Yoongi right now,” he adds, and Namjoon turns to see them near the stairs to the top floor. Kaya’s back is to him, her head lowered slightly and her thumbs hooked onto the back pockets of her jeans, the material hugging her hips and curving down her backside… He swallows and looks away.

“This is your chance,” says Seokjin. “Go and mingle. Let her see you moving on - even if you actually aren’t,” he clarifies quickly. “It won’t be pleasant but it might encourage her to do the same.”

Namjoon isn’t sure of the wisdom of this strategy but ever since the cause of his break-up had been revealed to the older members (and surely to Taehyung at least, by Dilara), he’d almost been relieved that he wouldn’t have to make every decision on his own.

He tries his best to navigate the party after that, making empty conversation with guests, using every bit of remaining energy and willpower to plaster a smile on his face. All the while, part of his attention is constantly on Kaya, registering her familiar figure alone at the bar as she nurses a beer, sometimes with Dilara. 

Be normal. Seokjin’s words start holding less and less meaning with every passing minute, especially when he spots Kaya having finished her drink and he’s struck with the sudden fear that she will leave the party. In an effort to be as normal as he can, Namjoon heads over to the bar where she’s scanning the life-size menu half-heartedly, arms folded across her chest.

“Like anything?” he asks humbly. Long Island Iced Tea or a Mai Tai - depends on the flavours. His heart jolts when she shoots him a doubtful look and doesn’t answer, almost as if she’s wary of talking to him. She leans over the bar and gives the bartender a smile that makes his heart drop, especially when he grins back.

“Komt de mai tai in mango?” she asks, half-pouting when he shakes his head. “Een biertje, alsjeblieft,” she says finally, taking her second beer and turning away from the bar.

Namjoon doesn’t remember ever feeling this distant from her. “I’m glad you came tonight,” he tries again, choosing to look at her even though she’s facing away.

Kaya nods, pursing her lips and looking ahead. “Yeah, you said that already.” But her voice trembles ever so slightly, or maybe he just knows her so well that he’s sure it’s not a case of her not wanting to look at him - she can’t look at him.

It’s all on him now. He started this; if there is any hope of them still staying in each other’s lives, it’s down to him to make it happen. 

“How’s your dissertation going?” he asks, hoping her work is a topic she might open up on.

She shrugs after a moment. “Off schedule,” she answers shortly. “A lot of variables hanging in the air.”

“Did you get into the research project you’d applied for?”

It’s momentary but it appears: the corner of her mouth tilts upwards. “Yeah,” she admits, finally looking at him, albeit hesitantly. “Guess I’ll have a lot more time to focus on it now,” she murmurs, the hint of a smile fading.

Namjoon’s heart sinks. She’s so angry with him; it’s palpable and not something he has ever been on the receiving end of. Her hand hangs by her side; his own itches to link his fingers with his, maybe tug her to him or lead her out of this stupid party where he can plead for her to just look at him.

“Well,” he says, then pauses. “I’m glad you could get the time off tonight. Must have been hard.”

“M-hm, not really.” She shakes her head. “Adam wanted to meet but I’ll probably catch up with him later,” she adds nonchalantly.

Namjoon nods, his hand tightening around his glass. He can’t tell if she’s trying to provoke him, for they do work closely; close enough that Adam’s intentions have always been a point of disagreement for them. He’d never been able to explain to her just how much he hated the way her advisor looked at her when she didn’t notice, how his hugs always lingered a moment too long or how he insisted on calling her late in the evenings to discuss work.

He’s distracted momentarily by Jungkook, who approaches them while bopping effortlessly to the music and stops in between them, turning to face in the same direction as Namjoon and Kaya. He’s definitely tipsy; the smile on his face is too big and he doesn’t seem to be reading the room at all.

“Dilara is a really good dancer, isn’t she?” he says loudly in English to no one in particular. Namjoon frowns and follows his gaze to see Dilara, Taehyung and Hoseok dancing, before turning back to look at Jungkook. On his other side, Kaya is also frowning at him, tilting her head curiously. Their eyes meet and she raises her eyebrows slightly.

Namjoon fights a smile as Kaya half-chuckles and looks away, his heart twisting with longing at how much he misses her. She looks so incredibly beautiful; his eyes sting when he realises that there’s absolutely nothing he can do about it.

“I’m gonna -“ He gestures vaguely and walks away in the opposite direction, desperate to be anywhere but around her before his resolve breaks.

The next half hour is a flurry of faces; Namjoon distracts himself with every single individual at the party, making small talk and exchanging unfunny jokes and hyper aware of Kaya occasionally glancing at him.

He knows, because he’s watching her, too, doing his best to make sure she doesn’t see him looking. He can’t even help it; it’s almost muscle memory at this point.

“Who are you looking at?” The woman he’s talking to asks him point-blank.

Namjoon flushes, realising he’d been staring at Kaya over her shoulder while she’d been speaking.

“No one,” he answers quickly. “Sorry.”

The twenty-something woman frowns curiously. “Are you sure? I’m not offended.”

“It’s… nothing.” He shakes his head and looks at the floor. 

“Ex-girlfriend?”

Ex. Not trusting himself to speak, Namjoon nods. 

“Hm.” She hums, somewhat sympathetically. “Bad break-up?”

“Pretty bad.”

“I’m sorry,” she says after a moment. “It’s never easy to be around an ex if it hasn’t ended well.”

“Yeah, well,” he says, desperate to change the topic. “All part of the process, right?”

“Right,” she says encouragingly. “Plus, once you’re past this phase, the one where you constantly want to die, you can begin the drink and eat and hook up as much as you want stage with no judgement.”

He chuckles politely, the prospect sounding horrendous. “Thanks. Feels good to laugh for real.”

She smiles wider and, before he knows it, leans forward and presses a kiss against his lips.

It takes Namjoon a couple of seconds of pure shock before he jumps backwards. “Whoa. What -“ His heart races uncomfortably. “What was that?”

“Sorry,” she says slowly, looking a little confused. “I thought… you wanted to make your ex jealous. Isn’t that where you were going with this?”

“No,” he clarifies immediately. “No. Absolutely not. I don’t want to - no.” In the midst of his minor crisis, he notes how the woman looks almost mortified.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to -”

“It’s fine,” he cuts her off, suddenly feeling horribly guilty. He looks up out of habit and sees, unmistakably, Kaya leaving the restaurant, her long dark hair and the shimmery dark blue of her top disappearing out the door.

—

The night has gotten chillier in the last couple of hours and the cool wind hits her bare shoulders the moment she steps out, but Kaya barely feels it. She’s not thinking right now; thinking is what’s got them here, thinking about everything and overthinking to the point of fleeing a restaurant.

“Kaya!” 

Her feet increase their pace automatically the same time her stomach flips, but he’s taller and faster and he reaches her before she can even reach the elevator.

“Kaya,” he repeats hurriedly, reaching and grabbing her elbow. “Wait, please. I’m sorry -”

“Why did you even invite me here?” she asks, cutting him off and turning around to face him. She’s so tired; she didn’t think break-ups could be this exhausting. “You’ve barely said anything to me. Was it to show me in person how you’re moving on? Because if that’s the case, then… message received.”

Namjoon shakes his head immediately; he looks exhausted as well, and Kaya is once again struck by how much thinner he is, overcome with a mixture of empathy and frustration at him. 

“That was not - I didn’t plan that,” he says, sighing. “I don’t even know who she is. She kissed me and it wasn’t… come on, does it look like I’m moving on?” he asks, raising his arms helplessly.

Kaya stares at him and then sighs, shaking her head. “Why did you invite me here?” she asks again, less defensive this time.

“Because I wanted to see you,” he says at once.

She stares at him. “Well, you’ve seen me,” she says, sniffing. “Can I go now?”

“Kaya…”

“What?”

Namjoon runs a hand through his hair, looking lost for words. “Please don’t -“ He breaks off abruptly before taking a step closer to her, his height both large and comforting. “I don’t want you to be sad. I’m sorry.”

Too late. “You’re not supposed to care how I feel. Not anymore.”

He lets out a humourless chuckle. “What?”

“We’re over.” She can hear the tremble in her voice as she crosses her arms across her chest again. “You said it yourself. You’re not supposed to care how I feel.”

“Really?” He narrows his eyes at her. “You think this break-up had anything to do with how I feel about you? You know as I do that it didn’t.” When she doesn’t answer, he sighs. “I did this because I care.”

“If you say so.”

He pokes his tongue into his cheek. “Are you deliberately trying to provoke me or something?”

“Provoke you into what?” she blurts out. “What - what is that you want, exactly? What do you want us to do? Just circle around in each other’s orbits for the rest of our lives, while still being - while still feeling the way we do?” she asks, avoiding her almost-slip of tongue. “We’re just supposed to stay not be together and still stay in each other’s lives? What - what do you want?”

Namjoon opens his mouth but falls silent; it’s clear he hasn’t thought that far ahead - or he can’t say it out loud. “I want…” He begins, before pausing and starting again. “I want… you to be happy,” he says eventually. “And safe.” 

She scoffs and he bristles. 

“I’m serious. I -” He breaks off when someone exits the restaurant, his gaze following them until they’re out of sight before he turns back to her. “This is hard for me, too, you know? Why is it so hard for you to believe I might want you to be happy?”

Kaya exhales but doesn’t answer, because it isn’t hard to believe, not even a little bit. It’s unfortunately the most believable thing he’s ever said to her which means she can’t even fight it.

“How?” she asks finally. “By moving on, like you were pretending to do?”

Namjoon bites his lip and his eyes glaze over, and she knows he’s picturing it. His eyes fall to the floor but he nods slowly anyway. “Yeah, I guess. As long as I don’t have to watch it,” he adds in a mutter.

It’s really over. Kaya feels her eyes well up. “Fine,” she answers quietly. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go find someone to move on with tonight.” She turns to leave but feels him stop her again. “What?” she snarls.

“Kaya, I -” The lift opens and a handful of people tumble out, holding merchandise and talking loudly. Namjoon’s eyes widen and he immediately grabs her arms and walks her back into a corner, just as the group turns into their corridor and towards the restaurant.

“What are you -”

But the second lift opens just then and they hear the sound of a second group of voices. Namjoon swears under his breath and pushes open a door behind her, walking her back further into the tiny dark room and letting the door swing shut behind him.

“What is wrong with -“

“It’s press,” he hisses, and she falls silent.

He peers out into the corridor through the small window in the door; there’s no light except for the bit through the window and from a skylight in the ceiling. Kaya can smell something vaguely citric that she decides is floor cleaner; they are in a janitor’s closet.

She and Namjoon are frozen in place, his hands still on her arms and hers on his torso to keep from losing her balance. It’s been a long time since they’ve been this close; it takes Kaya a few seconds to realise that the voices outside have disappeared, but he still hasn’t moved away.

Almost as if he’s subconsciously heard her, his thumbs stroke her arm once. The simple touch makes all the anger crumble away for a moment, especially now that it’s just them with the rest of the world shut outside. Kaya hesitates for a moment, then gently rests her forehead on his shoulder. Namjoon stiffens but a moment later, she feels his fingers tighten above her elbows, followed by him loosely enveloping her in his arms.

It seems cruel, almost, that the target of her anger and source of her comfort lie in the same person. It isn’t even a hug; it’s a moment of weakness at best, borne from his almost subconscious need to protect her. For the first time, Kaya wonders if she’s being unfair to him.

Resisting the temptation to wrap her arms around his waist, she steps away from him with difficulty, her back touching the wall. His arms fall from around her reluctantly, his expression resigned. It’s dark but she can see him more clearly than she has all night.

“This is a terrible idea,” she murmurs, echoing her words from a month ago. “The worst you’ve ever had.”

Namjoon exhales shakily but doesn’t argue. “I meant everything I said in that note,” he says, not even trying to hide the tremble in his voice anymore. “And I really do want you to be happy.”

The note. The one he’d kept on her bedside table when he’d left her apartment while she slept, the only thing of his that was left when she’d awoken, naked and alone. She’d only had the strength to read it once before she’d broken down and tucked it deep into her drawer, knowing the words would be etched in her memory.

“You know what will make me happy,” she whispers, looking at the ground. She feels him come closer to her, one hand hovering by her side as though unable to decide if she’d want her to touch him. 

He finally rests it lightly on her waist, moving it slightly upward as she looks up at him, her heart twisting at how he’s unable to meet her eyes. She places her hands on his face, thinking vaguely how much she misses seeing his dimple.

“Joon,” she whispers, waiting for him to nod once. “Look at me.”

Namjoon visibly swallows, gaze still fallen. “Kaya, I…”

“No,” she interrupts him. “Look at me.”

With what seems like an enormous effort, he meets her eyes. This is hard for me too, you know? 

She knows. Kaya strokes his cheekbones with her thumbs, her touch feather-light. “Kiss me,” she whispers. She touches her forehead to his and closes her eyes, hoping he’ll give in, for she can’t go further than this. 

His hand tightens around her waist, pressing her into the wall. Their lips brush momentarily and he shivers.

“Do it,” she urges, her voice barely audible now. “Kiss me.”

She feels his lips before she even registers him moving against her and she leans into it, feeling like she can breathe for the first time in weeks. Come back to me, she thinks desperately. Come back to where you belong.

It’s like he can hear her. Namjoon pulls away, one hand on the wall beside her face for support, the other holding her.

“Fuck,” he whispers, and it sends a jolt of anticipation through her heart. “I love you, Kaya,” he adds, voice full of emotion. Kaya nods, unable to speak, wishing he would meet her eyes. He moves his hands to her face and touches his forehead to hers again, swallowing.

Look at me.

But he doesn’t. “But you have no idea,” he continues, every word sounding like it's costing him effort, “how I felt when you called me that night. The things that went through my mind…” He sniffs, and Kaya’s heart sinks. “I can’t let that happen again baby. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

She can feel her face start to contort and she drops her hands from his shoulders, for she knows this part by heart. “Goodbye, Namjoon,” she mutters thickly, sliding out from between him and the wall. She pushes open the door and hurries out, leaving him behind.

—

When she hears the knock on her front door the next morning, Kaya is just about to step into the shower. She freezes and sighs, for she really, really needs this shower. She considers ignoring it but the knock sounds again and she groans, abandoning the activity of tying up her hair and letting it fall loose instead. 

Grabbing the old, threadbare robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door, she pulls it around herself and shuffles to the front door. She peers through the peephole and her heart stops for a moment, but she steels herself and opens the door.

Namjoon stands before her, hands in his pockets and shoulders slightly hunched. “Hey. I just wanted to - oh, God,” he switches abruptly, his expression changing from vaguely apologetic to shocked, and he slips inside the apartment.

“What?” Kaya asks, taken off guard and stumbling backwards.

“You really opened the door wearing that?” he hisses, shutting the door behind him. “I could’ve been anyone!”

“I knew it was you,” she argues, tightening the belt around her waist and realising, for the first time, how short the robe is. But she isn’t about to admit that to him, especially not when he’s turned up unannounced and decided to begin his visit by berating her. She folds her arms across her chest. “What do you want, Namjoon?”

He hesitates, almost as though he’s just noticing how displeased she is. “Sorry,” he mutters, looking a bit ashamed. “I didn’t mean to… anyway,” he says quickly, wringing his hands and slipping them back in his pockets. “How are you?”

Kaya shrugs suspiciously. He looks remarkably different from where she’d left him last night, almost breaking down and apologising to her. Right now, he seems almost… calm. She can almost imagine that last night had been a slip-up of emotion, possibly due to tiredness and an open bar, whereas in the light of day, he’s back to being the responsible ex who’s fulfilling his obligations by checking up on her each day.

“I’m great.”

He nods after a moment, clearly not believing her. “Well, I came here because…” He sighs and a glimmer of last night’s emotion appears on his face. “I thought about what you said last night. And you were right.”

The jolt in her stomach is almost painful, but Kaya hangs on. If he was talking about what she thinks he is, he would be delivering it far more differently.

“We can’t keep doing this. I can’t expect you to keep doing this,” he adds. “Staying in this limbo, not knowing…” He bites his lip and lowers his gaze, removing his hands from his pockets. “You have every right to move on. I want you to - to be happy.”

Kaya licks her lips slowly. “This,” she says coldly, “could’ve been a text.”

“I didn’t want to leave things the way they were last night,” he tells her, his voice softer. “You’re, uh…” His voice breaks off for a moment. “You’re the love of my life. And we were together for a long time and I… I loved every moment of it. I just want to say goodbye the right way.”

Her throat hurts holding back the rush of emotion that threatens to overwhelm her. 

“Are you sure?” She can’t resist asking, in a whisper. When he nods and lowers his eyes, she feels the heavy, heavy anchor of acceptance settle in her stomach. 

Namjoon hesitantly reaches out with one hand but when she gives him a look, he nods and steps forward, and they meet in their last hug, three and a half years after their first last hug in her apartment.

Kaya hugs him tight, no longer caring about hiding how she feels. There isn’t enough time to try and memorise everything so she doesn’t even try; she just goes higher on her toes and presses her nose into his shoulder, revelling in his scent one last time.

Namjoon doesn’t seem to be doing much better. He’s holding her tight, so tight that it doesn’t seem like he’s ever intending on letting her go. His face is in her hair and his arms stroke her back in small movements, his go-to movement to comfort her since they met.

Just a few more seconds. The sensations increase now; the feel of his shoulders, his chest touching hers - and she’s suddenly conscious of the thin robe being the only thing separating her naked body from him.

At the same time, his hands move to her waist - out of habit, she knows, but she can’t help but be extremely aware of it. His hand stops just above the curve of her hips, quickly and abruptly. 

Her mouth feels dry, but her legs press together. Then, as though he can read her mind and the direction her thoughts are invariably leading in, against her hip, she can feel his body react.

She lets out a soft gasp and feels his body stiffen around her. This is goodbye, a voice reminds her, urging her brain to focus on the matter at hand. But it’s slipping - fading, almost, as a physical urge struggles for dominance. 

Her lips brush his neck as she pulls away - she has to pull away - but it doesn’t matter in the end because somewhere along the way his lips find hers and all thought disappears, replaced by touch, feel and hunger.

Namjoon sighs into her mouth like he’s breathing for the first time, pulling her close. Her robe starts to loosen and he tugs at the belt, groaning when his hands touch her bare skin.

“Fuck, are you really not wearing anything under this?” he murmurs, his voice so low and reverberating so deep inside her that she shivers.

The robe is off; it’s cool and sudden air, a moment where his hands fall from her waist and then their back but this time, it’s skin against skin. It’s lips and sighs and tight grips, the feel of denim, her fingers moving out of habit as they unbutton and unzip - and then there’s pride and relief when she feels his desire for her, still the same as ever, no matter his words.

There’s something solid against her back; somewhere, dimly, her mind registers that her dining table is rickety and has her laptop on it, and then she’s leaning forward and he’s behind her and his chest is against her back and he wants her just as much as he wants him.

“Are you -“

“I’m still on birth control,” she confirms tightly, the next moment feeling his fingers on her hips and then he’s inside her again, after so long. She could almost sob at how good it feels, how right, the lips on her shoulder and his scent and touch.

But it’s over too soon. She gasps and falls forward, her ears ringing and heart hurting at the same time as her heart races. He’s getting close, too; she tries to memorise it now, the exact moment, but then he pulls out. It’s sudden, the emptiness, but the next moment, she feels wetness on her back.

It takes around ten seconds, ten seconds when she’s frozen before she finally hears him sigh and take a step away. A moment later, she reaches across the table and pulls the tissue box towards her, reaching behind and wiping her back.

Kaya turns slightly to see him pulling on his T-shirt, jeans buttoned already. She picks up her robe and pulls it on hurriedly, suddenly not wanting to be naked for even another microsecond in front of him.

Something feels wrong. It’s not the first time he’s finished on her; he’s done it before, on explicit request and without, none of which ever made her feel… like this. Self-conscious. Bare.

Namjoon clears his throat. “I -“ He meets her eyes, still panting slightly. “I still want to… do this right,” he says, sounding almost formal. “Goodbye, Kaya.” 

He starts to take a step forward but pauses. “Maybe we shouldn’t hug,” he murmurs, offering her a small smile. Kaya watches as he hesitantly offers her a hand.

This is goodbye. Kaya can’t remember ever feeling this uncomfortable around him. The momentary loss of her sense of reason feels like it’s returned in full form, and she tightens the robe around her. She starts to reach for his hand but then stops.

“This is what you meant?” she asks quietly. “When you said you wanted to do it the right way? You wanted to see if you could squeeze in one last fuck before you closed this out like a business meeting?”

“What?” Namjoon’s eyes widen. “No! I didn’t - I didn’t want that to happen! I mean - you know that’s not what I meant,” he adds quickly. “I didn’t plan this. You and I both -“

“You planned our break-up and I had no idea,” she cuts him off, the shame and embarrassment creeping up her throat. “I really don’t know anymore.”

He scoffs, but his eyes flicker like he’s been stung. “Is that what you think of me? We were both here, Kaya. It wasn’t just me - you wanted this just as much as I -“

“I slept with Adam.” 

Namjoon freezes. He swallows and his eyes flicker again, rapidly this time. “You’re lying,” he whispers.

Kaya shrugs, holding his gaze with every last bit of willpower in her. “You were the one who told me to move on last night,” she reminds him, watching his expression crumble and doing nothing to stop it.

After what feels like several minutes, or maybe even hours, Namjoon nods slowly. Then, without another word, he turns around and opens the door, walking out of her life and shutting the door behind him.

—

Thanks for reading. Don't forget to drop a review :)

[steviesbicrisis]

Update 13 extras

These are two extras from the latest update of my Steddie SMAU Gareth the Matchmaker. It contains spoilers from the latest update so be sure to go read that before this!!!

Timetable of the events in Update 12 and 13:

-----------

The day Steve spent thinking Eddie was done with him:

Steve's apartment has never felt colder. It downgraded the moment Robin moved back to the US, taking all the decor Steve has always made fun of her for but secretly liked, but at least he had the kids visiting and hours of Facetime calls with Eddie to make up for that. Now, Robin is gone, the kids are back home, and Eddie won't talk to him. He can't lie and say he isn't hurt by Eddie's complete lack of trust but also, can he really blame him? how would he have reacted to a compromising video of Eddie, similar to his? Steve would like to think that he would give him a chance to explain but, who knows?

With his schedule completely cleared, lost sponsorships, and no press until his team comes up with some sort of public statement, Steve finds himself all alone in his apartment, with nothing to distract him or keep him away from checking his phone every thirty seconds, just in case Eddie texted him and he didn't notice.

He checks again. Still nothing.

Logically, he could call Gareth and ask him. But he can't keep bringing him into their relationship and hope that he will fix it. Also, Steve is afraid he will discover that Gareth has also blocked him.

The rest of the day goes on excruciatingly slow, he doesn't move from his couch except to go to the bathroom, his phone always in his hands as he absent-mindedly scrolls through comments filled with rage and insults (he will deal with breaking the promise he made to Robin once she arrives in Tokyo).

The thing is, the comments don't even hurt him.

A few years before, he would've gone crazy for one not-so-positive comment about him, but now he finds himself not caring at all. These people don't know him, their words mean so little. Eddie's silence is much more painful. It doesn't take him too long after that to realize that he would gladly have the whole world hate him if he could have Eddie loving him back as much as he did.

It's around six that Steve decides to write the email. It feels so formal, so cold, and he isn't exactly the best at writing but he's desperate. He writes everything in one go and doesn't even do a double-check before pressing send. He sighs.

Around midnight, the knock on his door breaks the hours-long silence he has been immersed in the whole day, startling him. He realizes he didn't even have lunch and dinner. He takes a second too long to react so a second knock follows the first one. Steve drags his feet all the way to the front door, ready to accept any takeout Robin might have ordered to cheer him up or to chase out any journalist who might have found his address.

He's not ready to be face-to-face with Eddie. Eddie, with even messier hair than usual and panting as if he ran all the way to Japan from Messico. "Eddie" Steve's tone comes out way more broken than what he wanted to, but then he feels one of Eddie's hands on the nape of his neck and his arm around his middle and he can't complain. He has never embraced him like that. Steve hugs him back and buries his nose in Eddie's neck, the hand on his nape encouraging him with a small pressure, and he breathes in. They stay like this, on the threshold, both keeping a strong grip on the other, for a long time. Steve is scared of what will come after he loosens the grip, Eddie seems to be wanting to give him all the physical affection he missed during their weeks of separation. Steve breaks the silence, still not moving an inch "I thought you blocked me" comes out muffled by Eddie's shirt, but still clear enough. Eddie squeezes him even tighter "I'm an idiot", Steve can't see him but he sounds pained "Remember how you always tell me to charge my phone…?" Steve chuckles, gaining enough courage to turn around and look at his face "you really are an idiot." Eddie smiles back at him, happy to being able to look at him in the eyes "hello, sweetheart". Steve melts in his arms "hey to you."

Everything else comes out easier after that. They manage to move away from the door enough to close it, still keeping contact one way or another, and they move to the couch. With the constant pressure of Eddie's body next to him, his hands moving from his shoulders to his hair or his arms, the words come out easy. Steve gets exactly what he was whishing for: a chance to be heard. And Eddie listens carefully as Steve tells him everything.

The fight with Jonathan and the reason why he broke his camera.

His friendship with Tommy, Billy transferring to their school, how people just started to associate them because of their popularity and looks, a reputation that Steve had never managed to scroll off of himself even after high school.

He tells him about the countless times he tried to cut them out of his life, unsuccessfully. He tells him about the good parts, meeting Robin and the kids, doing the job of his dreams, and using his status to help others. He tells him about the bad parts, how he used to act in high school, the nasty things he said to Jonathan, and how he often looked the other way whenever Billy pushed around other people.

Even as Steve shares the ugliest parts of himself, not once Eddie loses his grip on him, not once he interrupts him or shows any type of judgment. Somehow, Eddie understands and he's okay with Steve's ugly parts as much as he is with the good ones. Steve doesn't know, but that evening, Eddie falls quite a lot more in love with him than he already was. However, Steve knows that even if the whole world hates him, Eddie doesn't, and that's all he can ask for.

[thedreadvampy]

I'm trying to give Conflict Is Not Abuse a fair shake because I think it's important to unpick overstatement of harm.

and the introduction felt really clear and coherent and strong in laying out the thesis; acts of harm occur when one of both parties construe the other as having threatened them, and often that threat is not real and could be avoided through reflection and communication.

so she swings into chapter 1 with the idea that we're all responsible for reflecting on conflict rather than immediately jumping to the worst case We Are Enemies Now scenario

ah yes. I agree.

she chooses to illustrate this idea in several ways:

If I flirt with someone I assume she might interpret it as harassment, but she should consider that we're both fine actually because Actually she's probably interested in me but struggles to recognise her own feelings.

A friend is under huge pressure and has to cancel plans last minute so she sends me an email, but I don't WANT an email so she should be understanding and spend 5-10 minutes on the phone so I feel better, and the fact she doesn't means she doesn't care about me

Sometimes Women Say No But Mean Yes

A woman I went on a date with didn't text me back. I'm going to devote 2 pages to how she's clearly full of rage at me because she's unfairly judging me for being overbearing, which is very short sighted of her. At no point in that do I offer any possible explanation for not texting other than She Despises Me.

My most charitable response here is yeah Sarah you're right we should reflect on whether we're assuming harm in arguments. Can I suggest you start by turning the mirror around real quick? cause not one of these examples involves the possibility that she might be making some assumptions of her own.

[lisbeth-kk]

Sherlock fandom.

I can’t get you off my mind

I knew Mrs. Hudson was wrong when she told me marriage changes people. 

Not my John, I thought.

How wrong I was.  

Seen in hindsight; has it been three months already, she was right. I should have known that. After all, she was more of an expert on relationships than me. What did I have to show for? My only relationship, if you didn’t count family, had been with John. He was the only one who could fit that term. 

I told Mrs. Hudson that Mary would be reasonable when I needed John on a case. Her response baffled me. 

“Don’t ever use that word and her name in the same sentence, Sherlock. They don’t match. At all.”

Then she huffed and clenched her jaw tight, unwilling to explain herself. So, I’d turned to Mycroft. If anyone knew what was going on, it was him.

“Brother mine,” he said quietly when I came forth with my request about John’s wife. 

“Don’t patronise me, Mycroft,” I snapped. “Just tell me what’s going on. Is John safe?”

“Why would you ask…” Mycroft began, but something about my appearance stopped him from whatever nonsense he was going to utter. 

He sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose. Neither were good signs. 

“She’s an assassin with a prize on her head. We have her under surveillance. I suspect she’ll attempt to flee any day to escape,” Mycroft told me. 

My brain buzzed, analysed, and calculated in quick succession, but in vain. All I could think of was John, unknowing, unsafe, and the baby.

“Mary isn’t pregnant, Sherlock,” Mycroft said. 

“Excuse me?” Were you ever going to tell me any of this?” I asked furiously.

*** 

It’s over now. John’s personal Armageddon. His wife gone when he woke. A letter explaining nothing. The fake pregnancy belly was the final nail in the coffin. I tried to reach out to him, but he was so angry. Thought I’d known all along. He didn’t want to listen to reason. I didn’t blame him. I still don’t. 

Again, it’s Mrs. Hudson’s words putting things in motion.

“Are you just going to let it slide? He needs you, Sherlock! You are his best friend, his entire world. Save him, dear, and yourself. Ask him to come home.”

“He is home,” I protest. 

The look she gives me, makes me feel like a five-year old again. She doesn’t pester me further, but it’s enough. I fetch my laptop and start to write an email. The most important one I’ve ever written.

Dear, John

Believe me when I say I didn’t know anything about Mary or the baby until the day before she left. I would’ve told you if I knew. I was terrified when Mycroft told me, and I couldn’t bear the thought of you being unsafe and unknowing. My plan was to tell you the day you woke up without her, but by then it was too late. 

I don’t blame you for not believing me, John. After all, I’ve lied to you about severe things in the past. If you want to talk, we can. Whenever you want. I’m just a text away. And if you can’t bear the thought of staying where you live; know that you’re always welcome at Baker Street. It was your home, and it’s empty without you. 

We’re not good with words, John. Not these kinds, anyway, but don’t let our friendship end like this. I want you in my life, in my home, our home. I can’t get you off my mind, John. I never could. Please, consider coming back. 

If you don’t answer this email, text, phone or come to Baker Street, I’ll understand, but I hope you’ll do at least one of those things. To let me know where we stand. 

SH

***

I’m mentally exhausted after I’ve sent the email, and go to bed, sleeping like the dead for almost ten hours. When I’ve showered and had some tea and toast, I take out my violin and play all of John’s favourites. 

This can’t be how it ends; I think when I lower the violin and bow. After I’ve placed the instrument back in its case, I hear a sound. I’d been so lost in my own head and haven’t been paying attention to my surroundings. And why would I? I’ve lived alone for months, but now I sense a presence. 

I turn, slowly, alert, and there he is, in his chair, looking at me with eyes filled with unshed tears. Any second now they will trickle down his cheeks. In an instant I’m kneeling in front of him, letting my hands rest on his knees. 

“John, is everything okay? Are you…”

“I’m okay, Sherlock. Just…”

His voice his hoarse. I can tell this isn’t the first time he’s been crying today. Something catches my eye just inside the door. John’s duffle bag. I jerk my head back to look at him.

“John?”

“I’m coming home, Sherlock. For good,” he says and manages to smile while he’s crying. 

***

So, this is how it ends. With a pair of broken hearts that are going to be mended. We only have to give it some time, and we will get there. Together.

@flashfictionfridayofficial @totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @calaisreno @a-victorian-girl @phoenix27884 @sabsi221b @safedistancefrombeingsmart @gregorovitchworld @raina-at @helloliriels @peanitbear @topsyturvy-turtely

[madlittlecriminal]

can we have some jonathan crane head cannons / fluff with him and his gf having a big age gap?? (she’s like 19/20 just starting college and i’m assuming he’s like 30 something lol) anyway, ily thank u ❤️‼️💕

Age Gap ↦ Jonathan Crane × Female!Reader [headcanons]

i love you too, anon! :) i hope you enjoy!

Warnings: age gap (reader is 20, Jonathan is 30), reader majors in psychology, slight angst

You two met after he came to give a speech on psychology to your major.

He was intrigued by your questions, and you had developed a crush based off looks and his knowledge on psychology.

While it was your first semester, you knew he was smarter than your professor, who looked like took the job as a last resort.

Jonathan gave you his email in case you had more questions as he had to leave.

He wasn't going to lie though; you left a mark on him.

You were so invested in fear and his opinions even though you could ask your professor these questions.

Then again, it's been 10 years that he was in college, so professors probably changed since then.

You waited about a week until you emailed him.

You left this man anticipating your email and when he finally got it, he actually smiled.

"I have a question about your talk."

"What was the question?"

Did you go overboard with the questions?

Well, you sent him more than one which had him chuckling.

From there, you went to him for questions until it led to more.

He ended up giving you his number and you two began texting often.

He knew of the 10-year age gap between the both of you.

He was cautious at first, but he couldn't lie about the way his heart raced whenever your message came through.

You also couldn't deny how you always giggled like a kid on Christmas when he messaged you.

After about 3 months of chatting, you two made it official.

He'd take you out on little dates when you two had free time

He'd help you study for an exam for your psychology class and would reward you with a kiss on the forehead if you'd get the answer right.

If you'd tell him your grade, he'd hug you, kiss your cheek and say, "I'm proud of you, darling."

He'd then buy your favorite snack and give you cuddles.

If you had a low grade, he'd say, "I know you tried your best, darling. Don't worry. You'll get the next one."

And he'd still buy you your favorite snack and he'd still give you cuddles.

The same outcome for both because he can, and he will.

He never drew the line with you, and he was extremely patient.

If there was something you didn't like or didn't want to do, he'd understand and wait for you.

Then you found his mask.

Was it a test?

Possibly.

He's convinced whatever force was out there didn't want to see him happy.

He didn't know what it was, but you didn't look happy.

Which made him unhappy as well.

"I need time."

He froze as you rested the mask on the table before stepping out of his apartment and back to your apartment.

He gave you time, but he wouldn't as he did worry.

After all, he felt like it was his fault if this relationship ended.

But you called him a week later and told him you were ready to talk.

You two met up at a cafe, but he still listened to you.

You told him you were upset that he didn't trust you with this.

He said he couldn't risk anything happening to you.

You were still a bit cautious, but you gave him another chance.

It took time for you to get used to his Scarecrow counterpart, but eventually you did.