#in terms of actually trying to get my mom to buy the gifts | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cyncerity · 2 years

Text

Hi all! School is starting back up for me tomorrow, so i just wanted to get one more story out before my first day of senior year! i feel old!

anyway, more dads troubles au, now with more characters!! this takes place before the events of Finding Family btw, but i hope you like it!!

tw: dehumanization

It pained Schlatt to go to a pet store of all things to buy things for his son. His son wasn’t a pet, but it’s not like he could convince anyone else of that fact. However, as much as his son liked having a few things his size, like containers and blankets, he weirdly preferred to use human sized things. Schlatt just guessed that that was probably a product of his odd upraising, but he wouldn’t complain. He would rather buy tiny things for his son at Homegoods or Claire’s or Hobby Express or something. However, this time, he wasn’t here for his son.

A few days ago, Tubbo had managed to drag a phone through the doorway (doorway was a loose term, it was more a hole in the wall) of Tommy and Ranboo’s home and take a few pictures of what it looked like, and oh god. It had pained Schlatt and the other humans to see teenagers living in practically trash. The two slept on mats for fucks sake, no blankets or anything. And no matter how much they insisted they didn’t need help, Schlatt felt some form of responsibility to make sure they were well taken care of. Whether that’s because they were his son’s best friends or because they spent practically all of their time at his apartment at this point he didn’t know, but he unfortunately could only find borrower “essentials” at the pet store.

He had checked everywhere else for little things for the boys home (once again, the term home was used loosely), like little lanterns and decorative things, since the only light they had came from cracks in their walls and the only “decorations” they had were scraps that they took from Sapnap and Karl before they were discovered, but the two also needed beds. Schlatt knew from experience that the only normal beds for borrowers were found at pet stores, since none of the dollhouse beds he or Quackity ordered for Tubbo when they first adopted him were apparently comfortable and were mostly for show, which is how Tubbo ended up sleeping on a beanbag, and why he now refused to try sleeping on anything else. At least the beds the pet store sold could be slept on. And, if they weren’t good enough quality wise, he could always add more blankets or bedding, and at least they’d be the right size.

He walked down the aisle of borrower items and picked up the beds, ashamed that he wasn’t the only one in the aisle. A woman was there with a child that couldn’t be much older than 5, who was picking up random items in the aisle as the mom just watched with a satisfied smile. Schlatt scoffed to himself as he walked out of the aisle, knocking over a stack of food bowls only because the sight of such a dehumanizing thing for borrowers was pissing him off. “Oh, excuse me sir!” Schlatt heard as he was tapped on the shoulder, turning to face the mother of the little kid who was now placing what looked like a hampster running wheel in his shopping basket. “My kiddo here just graduated first grade, and we were just looking for a little gift! Would you happen to know where they keep the tinies at?”

Schlatt just stared. Oh no. This kid was actually around 5, and this woman was preparing to give him a person. Letting a toddler have full control over someone else’s life. He looked back behind her and saw the kid run in from another isle holding rabbit pellets and put them in the basket. Oh, no fucking way he was gonna let this happen. “Uh..well, I’ve heard bor- tinies can be a lot of work, have you thought about maybe a fish or something?” But the woman just laughed. “Oh the whole class got fish when they graduated, ours just didn’t make it long. Y’know how fish can be.” She laughed again as Schlatt felt his stomach drop. No, he didn’t, but from what he could tell, this kid was getting a replacement pet for the fish he killed from probably either starvation or negligence. The woman, fully unaware of Schlatt’s inner conflict, continued. “I’ve heard that tinies have better lifespans, and are great with socializing! My baby here can be a bit rough with the other kids on the playground, and I think a tiny would really help!”

“Well, I’m so sorry, I don’t think this store has tinies.” Schlatt said. He didn’t care what he was getting himself into, he refused to let some poor borrower be tortured by this toddler. He’d buy every borrower in this goddamn store if it kept this little shit from getting one. The woman went to speak up again before Schlatt turned away, muttering some lame excuse about trying a puppy or something before speedwalking off. Fuck. Where did they keep the borrowers here? He shoved the beds into his pocket, and he looked through almost every isle before finally reaching the back of the store where he found a giant sign reading “tinies” and another big sign that read “Sale: All Tinies 75% Off!!” Schlatt sighed in relief when he realized the cages were empty, ignoring the implications of that and just hoping that the store just hadn’t found many (or hopefully any) recently. At least, all but one of the cages were. He almost turned to leave before a flash of moving green caught his eye. In the top corner cage, covered by what looked like bedding for a guinea pig or something, one last borrower was hiding, looking starved and tired. He looked older than any borrower Schlatt had ever met, and the flash of green he’d seen came from the almost robe looking thing the borrower was wearing, but what surprised him was his blonde hair and striking blue eyes, giving him an odd feeling of familiarity that he couldn’t quite place. Schlatt looked around and didn’t find any employees to ask about a purchase but, to his horror, the woman and her child where moving closer. In a panic he looked around and noticed the borrowers cage didn’t have a lock. The store probably assumed it wouldn’t attempt an escape from it’s height. And wouldn’t luck have it, there was a ladder nearby.

He quickly dragged the ladder closer, wincing at the screeching it made across the floor. Thankfully, only the borrower seemed to notice. The blonde stood up from where it had been hiding, backing up against the cage until he seemed to notice Schlatt’s lack of store uniform. As Schlatt climbed the ladder, he saw the borrower take a few weary steps forward towards the front of the cage. As Schlatt made it to the top, he lifted the top off the cage and the borrower immediately dropped to the ground, curled in on himself on his knees with his hands over his head. Schlatt just laid his hand flat next to him. “Look, buddy, I’m not gonna grab you, I’m not that kinda guy. But if you don’t get on you’re gonna get bought by a manic toddler and, let me tell you, I saw what they were gonna buy for you, and it’s fucking disgusting. I can help you if you let me get you the fuck outta here.” The borrower looked up, a look of shock on his face, before it quickly changed to a grim determination as he climbed onto Schlatt’s hand. He carefully lifted the borrower up from the tank and held him to his chest as he practically jumped off the ladder. He quickly made his way out of the store, at this point just throwing caution to the wind and shoplifting the beds, too. Why the fuck should he give money to this place, anyway?

He finally made it to his car, placing the borrower into the cup holder that Tubbp had already decked out into another seat of the car. Unsure of what to do now, the two sat in silence for a minute, before the borrower finally spoke up, after analyzing the car. “So, um…do you..have..another borrower? You seem to have a lot of stuff in the car for people like me.” Schlatt just laughed. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, man. I’m part of the minority that see borrowers as people, my son’s one of you. I don’t normally go to stores like that, but it’s not like big retailers sell things for kids like mine. I’m sorry we had to meet like that, I’m Schlatt. You?” And immediately, it seemed like all tension drained out of the car, as the borrower started to laugh and Schlatt saw his shoulders visibly drop. “You have no idea how long it’s been since I was called a borrower, I’m so fucking tired of the word ‘tiny.’” He sighed. “I’m Philza, but you can call me Phil. I get it, mate, my family’s not too normal either.”

That last bit caught Schlatt’s attention. “What do you mean?“ “My sons and my wife. I have two biological, well, now one biological, and one adopted, and I hope to god they aren’t too worried about me. My wife has been taking good care of them, I’m sure, but I worry. It’s been a while since I got taken. But my wife and my adopted son are both human.” Schlatt nodded and tried to keep from prying, but his curiosity got the better of him. “What happened to your son? If you don’t mind me asking of course.” Schlatt said, still caught up on the fact that this poor man had lost one of his kids. He was sure if he ever lost Tubbo he’d barely be able to function. But this guy had a family to get back to, he supposed. He probably had to be strong for them. “Not at all, mate, it’s been a while. I can tell you’re a good guy.” Phil responded, smiling, though his eyes held a deep sorrow that couldn’t fade with age, proving to Schlatt that he was right about the man only really pretending to be ok. “My boy was young when the older of the two did something really stupid at my old colony. I stood up for him, and it got the both of us kicked out, and they kept me from my son. Something about how the colony wasn’t doing great and the more laborers they had, the better. Makes me sick. But lord knows he wouldn’t have listened. He was stubborn, would’ve gotten on great with my wife, plus he had my genes. Wouldn’t have made a good worker anyway.”

Schlatt felt uneasy as he took notice of the borrowers traits again, though in more than he had in the store. Slightly pointed ears, thin tail, slitted eyes and clawed fingers. From what Tubbo had told him about borrower genes or job types or whatever, that meant that this guy was built to be a hunter, with the exception of his ears.

“So..uh…where do you live, then?” Schlatt asked, trying to change the topic to distract himself and Phil especially from the uncomfortable topic. “Down at an apartment complex a few minutes away…” he responded as Schlatt finally began to leave the pet store parking lot. He listened to Phil’s admittedly not great directions (basically Phil describing what he’d seen out the window of a car when his wife had drove him there to move in) for a few minutes before eventually making it back to his own home. “Oh, you live at my apartment! That’s great, man, what are the odds!” Schlatt said, getting out of the car and grabbing the beds he had ‘bought’ earlier before placing a hand out for Phil. Phil barely hesitated before climbing on, making Schlatt smile. “Small world, i guess,” Phil said as they began to walk into the building. “I live on the first floor, so you can drop me off at a nearby vent and i’ll know how to get home.” Schlatt nodded as he slipped Phil into the jacket pocket not containing the small beds and walked in. He nonchalantly made his way to a vent on the ground before kneeling to the ground next to it gently taking Phil out again, doing his best to shield the borrower from view with his body. “This good?” he whispered, still treating his best to keep people from looking his way. “Perfect.” Phil said with a more genuine smile than Schlatt had seen out of him in the admittedly short time he’d known him.

“Great! By the way, im in room 518, if you ever need anything. I know it may be a hassle to get there, but i mean it, man. You ever need supplies or just someone to talk to or anything, i’m open. In fact, here,” Schlatt said, ripping a tag off of one of the borrower beds as he began writing on it, “here’s my number.” Phil took it and smiled, looking up at the human. “Thanks, mate. I may just have to take you up on that, it’d be nice to have someone else who knows how i feel sometimes. Family’s like ours aren’t common, and we haven’t been here long enough to know many people around the apartment yet. And, again, thank you so much, it’s because of you i can see my kids again, i don’t know how to repay you-“

“Don’t worry about it, Phil, just happy i could help.” he said, standing back up. “Take care, alright?” “Will do.” Phil replied, taking the grate off the vent and slipping behind it with a wave. “See you later, Schlatt!!” Schlatt waved back and went to the nearest elevator to his apartment. He had some kids he had to surprise with actual beds.

53 notes · View notes

medicinemane · 4 months

Text

I get very tired of dealing with people who are so busy being "practical" that they're just totally prescriptive

I tend to be, I think, a fairly pragmatic person. Like most years I spend about... maybe $50 on myself for the whole year (this year is going to be a bit higher, but there's also specific utility to what I'm spending it on). I tend to not bother buying myself snacks, cause I know I'm mostly hungry, and if I'm hungry real food is a better deal (I sadly tend to fail to get ahold of the real food either)

My point is that I tend to be very goal oriented (not in a ladder climbing way, in a I set goals and then work towards them kinda way), I tend to be very focused on what will push my situations into being sustainable, I tend to look for high efficiency, low cost, long term solutions

I was... I was talking to that friend I'll say is Dr Jekyll and Mr Dumbass (I was more trying to talk to my dad, but they were both there). It was definitely Mr Dumbass today

For one thing, he was already saying a bunch of really fucking dumb shit where... it's so stupid I'm not even going to repeat it, where it's like the answer for why we don't do that is because it's obviously a moronically stupid idea on top of being immoral, and also totally ineffective you dipshit

So I already wasn't in the mood for him

Then, while talking about visiting my grandma, I mention how in order to start cooking I need sharp knives, none of my knives are sharp (cause my mom's a fool and dulls them all), and how it would really help if I could just take a knife from my grandma since she doesn't cook anymore and just... keep it as my personal knife that I keep sharp

(I can't do this, cause my grandma is... bug fuck crazy, and legit believes that if you gift someone a knife they'll kill people with it which like... where do you even get that idea, like she has literally said before that she'd give money to buy a knife but wouldn't give one as a gift... what?)

Anyway, Mr Dumbass starts going on about how I can just buy a new knife, and it's like no... in your quest for objective practicality you've lost all pragmatism

I don't need to buy a new knife, I need to learn to sharpen knives which... which I just have a bit of a block on cause I've had trouble figuring out how to sharpen stuff so far (I've come to suspect that which of the hard and soft stones you use first and second isn't intuitive and I've been trying to hone with the sharpening stone and sharpen with the honing stone)

Like... to get mean for just a slight moment, shut your fool mouth, you've got more money than I've ever even touched, and while you were poor at one point when you were younger you've clearly forgot, and not everyone can just buy stuff

Also you're saying a bunch of dumb shit tonight with such confidence and it's pissed me off

He's capable of being a very very smart and compassionate person, and then other times he's a damn fool, and far too often he... he talks about practicality without actually understanding how to be practical

Being practical requires working in the confines of reality

...I don't know, I don't think I have all the words I need to explain what I'm saying, but the point is he's annoyed me and people who act like him annoy me where it's like... nothing matters in the end other than if you actually solve something

You can talk all day about what someone "should do", but what matters is what they will do

So it gets frustrating talking with my family with him cause he has all this ideas where it's like... that functionally won't work, and like some of his great ideas are how I can just wait for my grandma to die and get the knife then and it's like... yeah... but I need a knife now dummy, and I have knives, and which is more useful?

Dropping a pretty penny on a new knife, or finishing learning a skill I really fucking need badly and that makes it so I can sharpen things for next to free forever?

...I'm just tired of having to do everything myself and getting no help, that's all. How about you shut your fucking mouth, stop trying to offer advice that's worse than my plans I'm already slowly turning the gears on making happen, and just let me bitch about my idiot relatives?

Laughing at this fool antics when he chooses to do that, legitimately is more helpful than any attempts to help

#last two paragraphs are things that sadly a lot of people could learn #sometimes you need to shut your mouth and just listen #and this is why I have my no advice without action policy #if the rolls were reversed; I'm not willing to suggest someone buy a knife unless I'm willing to pay for it #most I'll ever do is something like say 'Just wondering if this is something you've already tried'#like know someone who go hacked here; and I just asked if they're running two factor authentication now cause if not it might help #like that's the outside amount of advice I'm willing to offer without action #because it acknowledges that they may have already thought of it; and it more just tries to float an option than it does suggest shit #honestly... I think I'd be less annoyed if it was like 'what about buying a new knife?; rather than 'you should buy a new knife'#advice in the form of a question makes for a dialogue rather than dictation #lets the other person just explain why something won't work if they've already considered it #like in this case... money; way rather just sharpen shit and get to spend money on food instead of a knife #like... this is the crux of what I complain about with my grandma; that groceries are my number one desire with money #are you my grandma? suggesting that I just flippantly spend money once it becomes something you'd want to spend it on?#...and the answer honestly is that yeah that's usually how people are #they can laugh off wasting money on shitty over priced clothes; but when it's what they like spending on that's what everyone should do #...maybe I fail at it; but I try not to do that #try to just be a back up to people and support them in whatever matters to them #and once again; only offer advice when I'm actually willing to do something like drop the money on getting them the thing I think they need #eh... I don't want to share the other dumb shit he was saying cause... dear god #edgy stoned dipshit talk; you know?#framed as actionable policy #good guy; helped me move shit up (I mostly needed a driver) but... utter fucking ass too much of the time #there's reasons we're not closer

4 notes · View notes

lingshanhermit · 11 months

Text

Ling Shan Hermit: Have we truly loved?

Each one of us believes we love our families deeply. You love your children, your wife, don't you? You take them out for their favorite pizza, you never forget to buy them gifts on their birthdays. When they are feeling down, you play the monster to attempt to change their mood. Each of us is convinced that this is love. Probably no one would say it is not.

According to Buddhism, until we reach enlightenment, all our love is based on self. In other words, all our love requires reciprocity. When we give a kiss, at the very least, we hope to get a similar kiss in return. Or something else.

I would like to talk a bit about the difference between our self-based love and selfless love. Whether we realize it or not, we are in fact always calculating. Towards our family, friends, our romance. If you have read my previous writings, you should know that the self always lacks a sense of security, it is severely deficient in existence, for this, it constantly needs to absorb a sense of being through others, the external environment. For this, we establish families, schools, governments, hospitals, nursing homes, and various social organizations. To obtain the sense of security needed at different stages of life. When you were born, you had a mom and dad, they are your biggest ATM for a sense of security. When you lack a sense of security, you will go to them. As you grow up, your lover will give you the greatest sense of security, when you find that he/she no longer loves you, you will look for another source of security—a new lover or children to give you a sense of security. Of course, these are not what we want to emphasize here.

Here we focus on discussing how we obtain a sense of security from family love. These two take up a very large proportion of our vitality. When you believe you are loving, in fact, you are constantly trying to maintain a balance of income and expenditure. I am referring to the balance of income and expenditure in terms of love. Of course, it doesn't solely refer to money; its scope is very broad. I can give an example: if you kiss your lover every day, and they never initiate to kiss you, after a while, you will feel out of balance. You would doubt their love for you. This is what I mean by balance of income and expenditure in love.

Suppose you give ten units of love, do you require the other party to at least give back eight units of love? If they only reciprocate with five units, you would get very angry. But you will try to tell them that you gave ten units, hence they can't only reciprocate with five. However, arguments often arise in this process. During the argument, we say things like, "I have contributed so much to this family, but what about you?"

This means we are always calculating, trying to maintain a balance of income and expenditure in our emotions. Even the purest love is not exempt from this because we have a self, we need to feed the self. This prevents us from being able to focus on love, from being able to love without any distractions. We are always holding a calculator even when we kiss our partner.

The family or the romantic relationship is the last place we want trouble, because it is a source from which we can constantly derive a sense of security. But it is also very dangerous, we think we have switched to a safe mode, but there are always accidents that disrupt our illusion of safety. Once we feel the imbalance of income and expenditure in love or family, what we get is a sense of insecurity, our self feels threatened. Think about it, all family conflicts, all problems in love are due to an imbalance in emotional income and expenditure. You gave ten units of love, but what about him? It seems like he has no clue that he should at least give back six units, but what he gave at most could only be counted as two units. Whether it's for our boyfriends, girlfriends, our husbands or wives, or even our parents or children, we actually all do this. This is love based on self. This kind of love demands reciprocation, it is never selfless—love mixed with self is never selfless.

I have no intention to criticize this kind of love. As those who have not realized the truth, even if we want to, we cannot possibly have a love that transcends this kind of love. But I don't think this is true love. This kind of love is centered on the self, rarely genuinely considering the feelings of others. It determines its own contributions based on the other party's, which is a transaction. This is also why our family relationships are always so tense. Always having various issues. Because we have never truly loved anyone, have you ever loved anyone without expecting any reciprocation? No matter what they do, it does not affect your love for them in the slightest? I seriously doubt any of you have had such love.

If we think our girlfriend is unhappy, we show concern, not because we love her, but because as an important person in our lives, her unhappiness will sooner or later affect us. It will disrupt our plans, our plans for the night might be ruined. We fear such trouble. This is just a measure we take to avoid injury to our self.

Just like most parents force their children to take on the mission of glorifying the family at a very young age. This is entirely selfish. I don't believe they have considered things from the child's perspective. They merely hope that their child can satisfy their ego, and redeem their failed lives. In love, we do the same, we hope that the other person can completely satisfy our self. We love the other person because they love us almost as much as we love ourselves, and we can experience the pleasure of our ego being fully satisfied with them. But the good times don't last long. Soon, because the other person is also selfish, they come to us in order to satisfy their own ego. Therefore, when the initial impulse gradually comes to a halt, both parties begin to see each other's true colors. At that time, both sides start to demand love from the other that is not less than their own. This is an unspoken rule, of course, you won't say: I've given you so much, so you must give me as much. But just because you didn't say it doesn't mean you didn't think it. It's all an unspoken understanding. The best period of the relationship might be when the income and expenditure of both parties are relatively balanced. But soon, we get distracted by other things, and one side might not be able to provide as much love as the other side hopes for in a timely manner. At this point, the other party may start to feel insecure. Arguments may occur. Such things happen every day in our lives, happening in our love and family relationships. When the difference in the balance of payments between the two sides has become enormous, we tend to establish a new relationship to maintain the nourishment of the self. This is our love. We are such people that even if we paint a flower on a wall, we hope it gets attention from others, and each time someone passes by, we remind them: I painted that. Because we have expectations. We anticipate receiving some compliments. That's how we are. Even for such small things, we need feedback.

Let's speculate about the love of a saint here. According to Buddhist theories, a saint like the Buddha has realized the non-self. He doesn't have an ego that needs to be satisfied. Therefore, he doesn't need to marry, establish a family, or make friends to gain a sense of security. He can stay in the dark without being afraid of it. He also doesn't need movies or music to entertain himself. Imagine a person without a self, who doesn't distinguish between others, who doesn't believe that some people are more important than others. The reason we think some people are more important than others is simply because they play significant roles in our lives. We need these significant roles, as most of the nourishment for our ego is provided by them. Therefore, managing our relationships with these significant people becomes especially important in our lives. However, for a self-realized person, there's no need to please anyone, as they do not need to gain the nourishment for their ego from others.

A person completely without ego, a person who views you as themselves, they might express their love for you in various ways. However, what they care about most is to help you achieve the same liberation as they have. To do this, they can drink with you, they might even fight you, they could discuss the Buddha's teachings with you, or they could talk about women with you. As long as it can guide you towards liberation, they don't mind doing anything. They also don't expect any kind of return from you, because there is no ego within them that needs to be nurtured. They don't need to calculate whether the love given and received is balanced, so their love is real love, not the pretentious love that we have.

Written by Ling Shan Ju Shi on March 9, 2012, first published on March 19, 2012.

All rights reserved, no infringement intended. All articles of the Ling Shan Hermit, in both Simplified and Traditional Chinese, English and other languages, are copyrighted to the natural person who owns "Ling Shan Hermit". Please respect copyright laws. Any media or individual (including but not limited to Internet media, websites, personal spaces, blogs, WeChat public accounts, print media) wishing to use this content must first obtain authorization from Ling Shan Hermit. No modifications to the article are permitted (including the author's name, title, body of the text, and punctuation). We reserve all legal rights.

灵山居士：我们真的爱过吗？

我们每个人都认为我们很爱自己的家人，你很爱自己的孩子，妻子，不是吗？你会带她们去吃他们喜欢的披萨，他们过生日的时候从不忘记给他们买礼物。在他们不高兴的时候扮怪物尝试改变他们的心情。我们每个人都确信这就是爱。大概没有人会说这不是爱。

根据佛法，在我们证悟之前，我们所有的爱都是基于自我。或者说，我们所有的爱都需要回馈。当我们给了对方一个吻，我们至少希望也得到一个同样的吻。或是其他东西。

我想稍微谈一下我们基于自我的爱与无我的爱之间的差异。无论我们是否察觉，我们事实上一直在计算。对家人，对朋友，对我们的爱情。如果你读过我之前的文章（或者如果你是宗萨仁波切的书迷）就应该知道，自我一直没有安全感，它非常缺乏存在感，为此他需要不断的通过他人，外境来摄取存在感。为此我们建立家庭，学校，政府，医院，养老院，以及各种社会组织。以获取各种不同时期所需的安全感。在你出生的时候，你有爸爸妈妈，他们是你最大的安全感的ATM机。当你缺乏安全感的时候，你就会找他们要。当你长大了，你的爱人会给你最大的安全感，当你发现他已经不爱你了，你会寻找另一个安全感的来源——另一个爱人或是孩子让他们给你安全感。当然，这些不是我们重点要说的。

在这里我们着重讨论，我们如何从家庭爱情来获取安全感。这两者在我们生命力所占比重非常大。当你认为你在爱的时候，事实上，你一直在试着维持收支平衡。我指的是爱情上的收支平衡。当然不是完全指金钱，它的范围非常广，我可以举一个例子：如果你每天都亲吻你的爱人，而他从不主动亲你，这样过了一段时间，你就会觉得不平衡。你会怀疑他对你的爱。我指的是类似这种收支平衡。

假如你付出十块钱的爱，那么你是否要求对方至少付出八块钱的爱。如果对方付出的爱只有五块钱你就会非常生气，但你会试着告诉他你付出的是十块钱，因此他不能只回馈五块钱，但通常我们在这个过程中就会发生争吵。我们吵嘴的时候都会说：我为这个家付出了这么多，可你呢？

这表示我们一直在计算，试图维持感情方面的收支平衡。连最纯洁的爱情也未能免俗，因为我们有自我，我们需要喂养自我。这让我们无法专心的爱，无法心无旁骛的爱。我们和对方拥吻的时候手里都拿着计算器。

家庭或爱情是一个我们最不希望出问题的地方，因为它是一个我们可以不断从中吸取安全感的来源。但他同样很危险，我们以为我们已经调到安全模式，但总是会有意外跑出来打破我们的安全错觉。一旦我们觉得自己在爱情或家庭方面收支不平衡，我们所得到的就是不安全感，我们的自我感到威胁。想想看，所有的家庭矛盾，所有的爱情问题都是因为感情方面的收支不平衡。你给了他十块钱的爱，可他呢。他好像完全不知道，他至少应该给我六块钱吧，可他给我的最多只能算两块钱。无论是对我们的男朋友，女朋友，还是我们的先生太太，甚至对我们的父母子女，我们其实都是这样的。这就是基于自我的爱。这种爱要求回报，它从来不是无私的——掺杂自我的爱从来不是无私的。

我无意声讨这种爱。身为未证悟实相者，即使我们想，我们也不可能有超越这种爱的爱。但我不认为这是真的爱，这种爱以自我为中心，很少真正考虑别人的感受。它以对方的付出来决定自己的付出，这是交易。这也是为什么我们的家庭关系老是这么紧张。总是出各种问题。因为我们并没有真的爱过任何人，你有完全不需要回馈的爱过任何人吗？不管他做什么都丝毫不影响你对他的爱？我很怀疑你们中有任何人有过这样的爱。

如果我们觉得我们的女朋友不高兴，我们会表现出很关心的样子，那不是因为我们爱她，那是因为作为我们身边的重要人物，她的不开心早晚会波及我们自己。会搞乱我们的计划，我们晚上的计划可能就泡汤了。我们很怕这种麻烦。这只是我们为了避免自我受伤采取的措施。

如同多数父母强迫自己的孩子在很小的时候就肩负荣耀家族的使命。这其实是全然的自私。我不认为他们有从孩子的角度考虑过。他们不过是希望让孩子满足他们的自我，重建他们失败的人生。在爱情里，我们也是如此，我们希望对方全然满足我们的自我。我们之所以爱对方，因为对方爱我们几乎像我们爱自己一样，我们在他这里可以体会自我被全然满足的快感。但好景不长，很快，因为对方也是自私的，他来我们这里也是为了满足他的自我。因此，当最初的冲动慢慢停滞下来之后，双方都开始看到对方的一点真面目。那时候双方都开始要求对方提供不少于自己的爱的爱，这是潜规则，你当然不会说：我给了你这么多，所以你也必须给我这么多。但没有说不代表你没有想。一切都心照不宣。双方关系最佳时期可能就是双方收支比较平衡的时期。但很快，我们被其他事情分心了，其中一方可能不能及时提供对方所希望的那么多爱了。这个时候，另一方就会感觉不安全。争吵就可能发生。这样的事情每天都发生在我们身上，发生在我们的爱情和亲情上。如果双方收支已经到了差异巨大的时候，这个时候，我们就会倾向于建立一段新的感情以维持自我的养料。这就是我们的爱。我们是这样的人，即使我们在墙上画了一朵花，我们都会希望它得到别人的关注，每次路过我们都会提醒其他人：那是我画的。因为我们有期待。我们期待收到几句赞美。我们就是这样的人。即使这样小的事我们都需要回馈。

我们在这里猜想一下圣者的爱，依据佛教的理论，如佛陀一般的圣者已经证悟无我。他没有一个自我需要被满足。因此他不需要通过结婚，或是建立家庭，结交朋友来摄取安全感。他呆在黑暗里也不会怕黑。他也不需要电影音乐来娱乐自己。想象一下没有自我的人，他没有自他分别，他不认为某些人比另一些人更重要，我们认为某些人比另一些人更重要无非是因为他们在我们的生命中扮演了重要的角色，我们需要这些重要的角色，我们的自我的大部分食物都由他们提供，因此经营好与这些重要人物的关系在我们的生命中显得尤为重要。而一个成就者，他不需要讨好任何人，因为他无需从他们那里获取自我的食物。

一个完全无我的人，一个视你如他自己的人，他爱你的方式可能很多样化，但他最关心的当然是让你获得和他一样的解脱。为此他可以和你一起喝酒，也可能揍你一顿，可能给你讲佛法，也可能和你讨论女人，只要可以将你导向解脱，他不在乎做任何事。他也不期待你有某种回报，因为他没有自我需要被喂养。他不需要计算付出的爱和收到的爱是否均衡，因此他的爱是真正的爱。而不是我们假模假式的爱。

灵山居士写于2012年3月9日，首发于2012年3月19日。

3 notes · View notes

phoenixmosheh · 1 year

Text

5/4/23

Elias Let's Play Don't Let Them Hang Me!

What is my real name?

Be careful you don't want to end up like Nancy

(YouTube jezebel playlist).

The Last Letter is silent.

Ask God to help you remember.

If you get close enough my face should pop up on an app but only for a limited time because stalkers.

youtube

5/16/23 update

Update for Elias to ease your mind and to disrupt the minds of our mo'fukin haters cause we are so damn generous at this point.

Part 1:

1. Environmental Intuitive Synchronicities

I made the above term up...be jealous... but it's basically when the things you have predicted

for someone else somehow end up aligning with your own life in real time to tell you when the things you predicted are happening (like what time it is) if you are not actually able to see what you predicted happening. i.e not being able to see Elias but meeting people in relation to what was predicted about Elias who are channeling what he's going through. Unfortunately, i have been experiencing channeling from random people that I meet who help me out along the way. signifying a prediction or rather experiencing what Elias is going through.

For instance...

Shelter sychronicities in March 2023

The Roommates I met at the shelter :

- The Woman named Brandy who asked to do a reading on me with a box of disney tarot cards. She later gave the tarot cards to me as a parting gift. (

- The Woman named Acacia (Freemasons) and she kept ending up on the bathroom floor due to a drug addiction

- The Woman Who Was a Lesbian on prescription medication to transition into a man who was wishing I was a lesbian) she also had a horrible smell when using the bathroom and would leave the room dirty to the point where I had to cuss her out and report that someone had a trash fetish to staff. Basic Betch I partly feel like God was trying to tell me you don't clean your house...she also had an HIV scare and had to get an emergency test.

- The older woman who talked to herself and had like multiple personalities and would cook me food and bring it to me. (Elias' Mom) She also was slightly racist which was odd because she was a person of color...which confused everybody in the room even the white people. One of the roommates who's name was dream told me not to take food from her because she went on a mentally unstable rant about how a man put blood in her food and now she has a blood disease.

- The pregnant prostitute who needed a plane ticket back home and was waiting for her boyfriend in jail to send her the money that never came. She asked if I knew where a specific street was where she could prostitute. I told her the staff would buy her a plane ticket but she said she was too shy and staff would take too long (betch what? Are you mute on street corners? ). When she came back from prostituting she bragged about how she made 100 dollars and though it was worth it. (I congratulated her because who am I to ruin someones happiness) . The second time she went to prostitute she told me an undercover cop almost arrested her but because she was pregnant he let her go. I handed her the email for a staff that could help her with a plane ticket. Smh. While also laughing in her face she stopped talking to me (boohoo im so sad) This roommate also told me she did spellwork on the man in jail and had a tattoo of Santa Muerte.

- The Shelter went on lockdown for a scabies outbreak the children were getting infected left and right. CPS also took one of my roommates kids away...

- I met Stacy (her name means fruitful)

- Staff kept asking me if the internet was working on my laptop because they couldn't access Google due to a security message that kept popping up

- My phone screen cracked so I got a replacement phone from staff

- The next day I accidentally grabbed my laptop in an odd way and it damaged the screen. Like the laptop could no longer be used...

- When I was minding my business at the bus station and a man asked me if I was married. And Gabriel told me before I went to start saying yes. So I said yes...and it almost felt like this man knew to leave me alone...I never seen a man leave so fast. He almost ran away. (Me: where he at though!?).

Honestly if you are lacking energy environmental sychronicities are the shit but sometimes stressful. You don't do anything but observe what you see and sense and put it in order based on the physical and intuitive data you already have. You Haters. No spells were casted at least not by me unless you believe in like "word magic" which is like me sending you a piece of my mind and thoughts of you. (Which I was nice enough to create a blog for so all parties involved would not have to guess what I was thinking...I told you fools and somehow you still guessed incorrectly smh.)

My First Time Being Introduced to Tarot

February 2023 was the first time I was ever introduced to tarot. A roommate named Brandy had a stack of disney tarot cards she gave to me after I had asked her how she uses them. Brandy was also receiving money at the time from multiple men and had an ectopic pregnancy. She was also being fought for custody of her children.

I also didn't know Elias was married or in a relationship at any time that I had known him. If anyone "basic betch" was ever trying to make me jealous during this 3 year period of menstrual blood love spell making and fake happy family photo time on social media I never saw one picture of either of you together because I had better things to research like how to survive without prostituting or how to survive without sucking HIV d*ck for food and a place to stay like Elias' copycat ex-wife. (So sorry to disappoint your ex wife Elias, I was never aware that either of you were ever a couple at any time during the 3 year period of energy stealing). Although, you can bet I was spiritually fkn him in my dreams waking up all wet and sh*t in my little homeless shelter bed not ever knowing every time he fkd his witchy wife in real life he was wishing she was really me. I'm honored.(Sometimes life is unfair huh?)

However, the month of Feburary 2023 was the month that God allowed me to understand why someone as smart as me couldn't seem to get out of f'kn poverty after years of working to provide for myself without the help of a man or any co-signers.

Tarot readings started populating on my YouTube feed as a suggestion...i never searched for tarot readings not once...not ever. Through observation God began revealing to me that tarot readings were one of the reasons I seemed to be stuck in a repetitve cycle of poverty and abusive relationships and having to rely on a failing government system and its immoral society for help. (These streets miss you hoe) As I studied tarot readers on youtube...I found out people could get information about you in the spirit and possibly steal the energy of others unbeknownst to them while keeping them in a cycle that is old or of the energy of the energy thief.

youtube

Which caused me to think back to the only person (Elias) that I talked to about everything before my life started falling apart in 2020...all my other relationships were surface level and travel/party mates who did not know enough about me to steal my energy annnddd I never met anyone that crazy or evil before honestly. So thank you again for creating awareness and destroying what little innocence I probably had left... so that I would not give two f*cks about what you're currently going through.

Anyway I started looking back at old text from Elias before we lost contact in 2020. My experience in the first homeless shelter I stayed at where I experienced synchronicities but was not as in tune spiritually back then...it's amazing how fast your spiritual gifts advance when your in constant fight or flight:

2020 Text Messages Synchronicities to Elias:

1. The mentally unstable girl I met in the shelter who could only go an hour at a time without getting on her knees with a rosary to pray. At night...she would leave the shelter to go prostitute or strip at a nightclub. Before I left the shelter she said she wanted to remember me and took my picture with her phone without asking. We got in an argument because she didn't want to delete the picture.

2. My family left me for dead in the middle of nowhere after a car accident ...the nearest rental car destination was 2 hours away and I had no money. A random stranger who saw me get in the car accident actually paid for my hotel and then took me in her car on a 2 hour journey to a car rental place the next day. (Not family a total fkn stranger and she was poor with two kids)! When I called my family even though they had the money to help me they gave me an ultimatum. They would help me if I did what they said and came back home. When I said no...I found out they secretly were hoping I would die out there...I spent 2 1/2 of those years trying to convince them I wasn't a bad person for not doing what they wanted me to do...I would blame it on spell work but I was covering them which meant the spell work would only hit me. It took me 2 years to accept my family didn't really care about me. And when i got sick a relative thought my skin burning off my body was God punishing me because i told an elder not to disresepxt me in a group chat when clearly it was disrespect. I dont know how people go to places like church and read the bible and stories like the book of Job and automatically default to God must be punishing you. Little did they know ...my not returning home was for their benefit and for their safety and also to reveal to me just how much they actually did not give a f*ck if I lived or died.

So I cut them off...because wth...you Narcissist? It took me 2 years to stop calling them because I was so indenial that they DID NOT GIVE A F*k ABOUT ME...once I stopped being a robot playing by the rules of the family it became quite clear that you can always count on family (*sarcasm ...I would reccommend families test this theory asap...)

3. Elias made a joke about a big headed son I would have after I made fun of his forehead.

(God said to jog your memory...some of the evidence still exist on my phone...now I know why)

This was God using you to subconsciously channel to me what is prophesied to happen.

So if Elias was wondering if I knew he was being played this whole time by family and friends as a sick joke..no. I was too busy figuring out that I too was being played. Anyone who says spells are not real and God will block everything your enemies do so it wont touch you...its not entirely true; if God is using it to train you ... I have to hand it to the basic betch she got me good it's been surreal I can't wait for this energy swap to fully take effect in my life.

Side note:

When the random man you're staying with until you meet your husband just gave you the keys to his house and has only known you for 3 days. I don't know whether to say thank you or run.

youtube

Part 2:

So when I left the shelter ...

I sat at a bus station for several hours like a dumb little decoy. And sure enough a man named Jose...Hi Jose. Waited like a weirdo from 10 ft away smiling awkwardly at me while I talked to an old lady who said I should model. When the old lady left Jose came over and asked me what I do for work and invited me to his hotel. As much as I wanted to go to that hotel...I declined mainly because I'm not a prostitute and ultimately because the tattoo on his hand gave him away. Idiot.

God prepares me ahead of time to know what to look for and when to leave...so I usually am already looking for signs when I meet people.

God can use something as simple as scenes from movies to help prepare or notify you ...

youtube

I found a hospital and spent the whole day sitting in the hosptial lobby charging my electronics not knowing a man was watching me until he came and gave me a snickers and told me he had been watching me. I do give out my many phone numbers sometimes just in case I need help from locals. But found out this man was a stalker .

Fast Forward a few days after losing the stalker ... I am currently sleeping on a man's couch who just got out of a polygamous relationship in March of 2023. Although he asked to cuddle after day 7 of meeting him, I declined, and we just watched a movie instead I learned that he cheated on his gf and has panic attacked over the guilt...This man is also into IT and gave me a lesson on IP addresses and VPNs allows me to use his work computer. If you're wondering how I met him, it wasn't in a strip club or off the street. I got kicked out of a hospital emergency room after staying there for 2 days after I left the last shelter. The lobby and cafeteria is open in the daytime but the emergency room is obviously opened all night. My enemies would be happy to know the head nurse at the hotel threatened to call security and kicked me out on that full moon. So i ended up sitting on a bench in the cold outside the hospital from 8pm-3am. A security car drove up to where I was sitting, and I thought I was going to be escorted off the premises lol. However, a man and woman security guard couple who were like... poor philanthropist booked me into a hotel after I told them a sob story about how I haven't slept in 3 days...they took me out to eat and dropped me off at a library where i read a book about "Preparing for Multiples smh". I signed up for a gym membership so i could shower. The security guard couple texted me and told me they booked me into a hotel for 3 days. During my 3 day stay, the woman security guard texted me about a friend interested in housing a refugee for a while. This friend was the recovering ex-polygamous narcissist i mentioned previously. Who just so happened to know self-defense and taught me how to break free from a choke hold. Crazy right? Although he drives me around to grocery stores and I cook and clean like a housewife as a thank you. I've already been through this repetitive cycle several times and know that him kissing my hand in the car spontaneously and blowing up on me when an outing did not turn into a date is a red flag that I am going to have to leave soon or die trying. This man also found out I'm not kissing his a$$ for a place to stay. Did I mention one of the security guards are waiting on a lawsuit and the victims a settlement. One of them may be going to jail.

The security guard donated all her painting supplies to me (I used to paint for fun before this) So I paint on the patio or in this man's garage for now. I think I am going to try and sell it.

I shared this to give some examples of environmental intuitive synchronicities...just because you have favor with people doesn't mean your life is always easy. Many people would stop believing in God if they went through one day of this kind of favor. I hope this made sense because I am sleepy and not going to read what I wrote.

You're Welcome

youtube

5/20/23

Soooooo...basic betch are you still watching? Lmao. I would stop if I were you. So I know we are not friends but I heard you wish we were...if you still have brain function which I hope you do because I mean I want you to have the experience that you wanted me to have and it in no way includes dying...you would really have to enjoy suffering in order to relate to the kind of experience I am referencing. Quick Question? Have you been having experiences that remind you of your life before you started stealing things like OH... I don't know my business ideas, wardrobe, hairstyles, pictures, mannerisms, the idea of giving birth to a baby with my husband?

I have! Which means if it's not already happening to you, I'm excited to share with you that it's coming. (*Pops champagne)

For example, on the new moon the man that is housing me took me out to an open mic night I found that was free entry (free because he expressed he was broke and because I still know how to have fun doing free things without making someone else's financial hardship worse or taking advantage of the fact that they could possibly go broke trying to impress me; due to my consideration he was able to afford the wine I wanted on the menu " The Sun Goddess." If I were you I would hurry and try to copy my drink of choice before you have to revert back to your sad unthinking ways to get what you want in life... sexual favors. (Anyone else into plum wines?) He also pointed out some expensive brand name outlets while driving... no shade to anyone who likes expensive brand names... I like long-lasting clothing and what not...but the only brand name I like is called "cute" meaning I don't care if it's from the thrift store, a boutique or a big brand...if it's cute on me then I wear it...if its comfortable i wear it...I make the clothes...the clothes don't make me...so when i take them off I'm still "cute" because I'm still me (my own personal trend) its not cliche you're about to find out hoe. You're welcome for these free tips betch. (He did tell me I have expensive tastebuds in the grocery store though I like things like medjool dates, almonds, yogurt pretzels, teas, goat cheese, uhmmmmm and a variety of food seasonings so my food doesn't taste like yours obviously.

Anyway... I call my style of dress "sophisticated sexy" (i can't tell if she's a prostitute or a teacher so I'm going to go with until I ask). This started a conversation where the man I am staying with who channels (reminds me of) Elias' old energy. This man has also been in a polygamous relationship with past sex workers and has apparently been a stripper before. What are the odds? It feels like I am practicing for the real thing (Elias). So I said something along the lines of "Do I look like a prostitute?" And he was like "if you do ...it's okay, I used to work in the sex industry and it's really just something people choose to do to get money.... they are not bad people, I don't think we should judge sex workers." And it triggered me because it kind of reminded me of how rumors get spread by basic betches like you. So I talked to him about the false rumor you spread about me being a prostitute. His response "well it could have been a compliment." And I responded it could be a compliment, if that is what that person has invested their time and life into becoming. But a lie is a lie...and when we call out lies it does not mean we are judging an industry or hating on it. I had to break this down to him in layman's terms he works in IT as backend developer.

What if a rumor was spread about you in the IT industry? The lie is you are a web designer (front-end developer aka prostitute). So now you are attracting clients who think you are a web designer (prostitute) when you know damn well you invested time into programming languages because it's your preference nothing against web designers (prostitutes) as individuals, as long as no individual web designer (prostitute) is spreading rumors about you being something that you are not ...the relationship is kosher you really don't give a f*uck what web designers (prostitutes) do they don't pay your bills and you are not paying theirs. You just know you are a backend web developer who programs computer languages and would like people to grasp this concept because its the mo fkn truth and thinking otherwise is playing with your money... so heck yes you are going to be irritated if people try to convince people on purpose that you are a web designer (prostitute).

Whether it is a compliment or not...why would anyone claim to be something they are not especially in this circumstance? Someone telling the truth about themselves and getting pissed off when correcting someone else's false perception of them does not mean they are throwing hate at a whole industry. If I know I am not gay and correct anyone who says that I am gay with I am straight...it's no hate towards that community of people. You just don't want to lick the same genitalia as your own...why you mad though crazy?

I would also say that even if the virgin backend developer looked like they were too attractive and dressed more promiscuous than the basic betch web designers (prostitute) who have already had sex with the whole office and then some. This does not negate the fact that the backend developer is still a virgin, who's a badass at programming languages and is choosing to never be a web designer (prostitute) and so would prefer to renounce the web designer (prostitute) title as to not be mistaken for a web designer (prostitute).

Anyway...So earlier today this man took me to the movies we saw John Wick. Spoiler alert at the end it reveals his wife's name which is Helen, we also met a Helen before the movie. The name Helen means light. I told the guy who is very much on the side of scientific only beliefs to look up the word Helen. Metaphorically...John Wick dies but finally after missing his wife for the past 3 movies (3 years) saw the light dies (ego death) ...anyone betting on this couple's resurrection??? (Raises hand)

Then we went to a Herbal Tea shop and a Botanical Garden. Then he surprised me with tickets to go kayaking, zip lining was closed. Basic betch please tell me you are having a better experience at this point? I mean I am going to be completely honest there are times I feel pretty vulnerable staying with random strangers who could at any moment decide to take advantage of my disadvantaged state (no home, no family, no friends, no money etc.) and rape, choke me out for running my smart mouth or treat me like a god damn slave...a risk I unfortunately have to take etc. But I think we both know when this energy switch fully takes effect...the positive favor & resources I get from doing so will not be the same for you. Why?

1. You are about to reap what you sow for others. (I do hope playing in my energy was worth it and somewhere in your delusional soul you decided to sow something nice regarding someone besides yourself for once) IT doesn't even have to be me honestly.

2. I told you to apologize to my man hoe smh.

3. You're not me...Haha.

Thank you basic betch for heightening my self-esteem. If not for you I would not have known I had haters because of my appearance. Apparently, I am attractive and a threat but didn't notice. You've helped train me well smh. Word of Advice: if you ever have the chance again maybe just ask for my beauty care routine instead of trying to kill me for looks. I have literally invested in beauty products from overseas for my friends struggling with specific skin issues before paying my own bills! Why? because I want them to feel beautiful too...

7 Original Kingdoms 7 original Tribes 7 original blood-types

youtube

By the way basic betch I keep hearing you say things like "betch I'll never bow to you" and then you start calling out to Santa Muerte. I don't think you understand what is happening. Santa Muerte is my betch. Which makes you my betch now. Spiritual Rules 101: if a sacrifice is not sacrificed the spirit (Santa Muerte) must hand over the soul (basic betch) to the opposing spirit (yours truly). Which means you are being sacrificed now...not to Santa Muerte but to ME. Honestly, I am not here for bowing or bending of the knee like the tv shows you watch. I can give a sh*t about posers or what your knee sockets do. I'm here for pleasure. Do you know what pleases me? You suffering. Mucho Gracias Santa Muerte!

Your Soul is Bound to Me:

https://youtu.be/N59qMZfbeAM

(by the way when Samjaza fell (fleed) from Heaven the so called Angels that (fell) fled with him were Samjazas offspring. The spirit you have been serving is an offspring of Samjaza, it is not Samjaza. You should look up the word "flee" to help you figure out who is more like this "devil character "created by the human imagination. You all give Samjaza way too much credit). Smh.

All my Enemies be like:

youtube

https://youtu.be/aJNxq0SlJEc - Dark Horse Katy Perry

Elias play with me again I'll let these sad dumb betches have you (including your fake a$$ wife mama). I swear to God. But also...proud of you for being brave.

youtube

https://youtu.be/iDYF_f-noAg

5/27/23

Update for Elias: Wolves are Symbolic

Teen Wolf - Alpha Scott

Not every dream you have about me dying is going to come true. Your Guardian Angel Raphael told me you need to hear from me (Don't worry, everything is going as planned) Also you should study "wolf packs" and think about if Melchizedek can reproduce all blood-types how they avoid incest.

The Melchizedek are The Wolves in Sheeps clothing...

(Wolves = Melchizedek disguised as Human aka Shapeshifters (meaning their features change don't think of what a chameleon is think of what a chameleon does).

The Originals: Haley

Also channeling a pregnancy...but it's really just prolonged ovulation. I don't release one egg per month, I release multiple eggs per month like 7-12 as I get older it will increase. As my eggs mature I produce more Hcg, which means I experience some of the symptoms of a woman experiencing a multiple pregnancy. God told me we will never have just one baby, it will always be Multiples (he keeps using the word "litter" ( God are you calling me a betch)? Keep that magic d*ck away from me Elias. Also our babies are smaller in size for example: I can carry 8 babies and look like I am carrying twins but they would still be healthy babies. Regular Human babies used to be small enough where it wasn't as painful and sewing needles were not needed to...sew your birthing parts back together. A miscarriage is possible by way of natural causes like poison in your food, a hit or knife to your stomach will do it... being separate for too long ...the babies would need both of us together in order to survive etc. common sense pregnant stuff. The babies also have an innate sense of who you are and respond to you as their father (Alpha) You would also turn them in my womb, if you sensed something were wrong with them (i.e an umbilical cord wrapped around ones neck) and you would be able to hear their heartbeats; however it would show as a phantom pregnancy on a sonogram. The pregnancy is also longer than 9 months...

This is a example of a past prediction coming to fruition basic betch God said he sent your tarot readings a$$ this message 2 years ago but you were too dumb and racist to listen...it's still the same message betch the truth is the truth no matter who it comes from...

https://youtu.be/YgtfKvCXG_s - The Empress is Pregnant

The virgin Mary and Joseph

The Melchizedek would like to debunk a myth. The so called Virgin Mary (female human w/holy spirit) did have sex with a so called holy spirit due to this so called spirit being housed inside the human body of the so called (male human) Joseph. This means Joseph had to stick his human d*ck inside Mary's human wet p*ssy and shoot up the club in order for her to conceive and give birth to a human baby. This baby would also be born with the Holy Spirit because it was born from the spiritual bloodline of the Holy Spirit (known as the Melchizedek) created from the God of Spirits.

Therefore, the Melchizedek woman is not currently pregnant because she has not yet been penetrated by any d*ck. Maturing eggs means her body is aligning with her spirit which understands divine timing; it is time for her body to prepare to conceive and carry what her spirit already knows how to do...which is carry the Melchizedeks man's demi-God children. It's like going through puberty (growing bust, wider hips, is that a butt?) and pregnancy symptoms she will experience with multiples all at once. This is so she doesn't die from those symptoms when she is actually pregnant.

This is also a time where God gives Elias knowledge and instruction explaining which child comes first, second or millionth and what to name him/or her and how to prepare for each child.

The reason God knew the children the basic betch tried to pin on Elias were not his, was because the Melchizedek man and Melchizedek woman were already married (under contract) and had these same children (spirit babies) in Heaven before being sent to Earth (what you call a past life).

This means God already knew these spirits turned human before he formed them in the womb...which means an alarm went off in heaven when God did not recognize this basic betches abomination offspring.

God was like "who and what the hell is that?" The same alarm would go off if the Melchizedek woman became impregnated by someone who is not Elias. Don't get excited...it's not happening you horny freaks.

(Note for Elias: You have a territorial gift that works through thought transference. It has the power to influence others based on what you are thinking or speaking. For example I noticed the guy I am staying with is starting to avoid me not in a bad way but not looking me in the eyes when I talk to him, very brief convos, he has a home office (he never leaves ) and he sent me a picture of himself outside working at a coffee shop 30 miles away. Last night i was laying on my sofa bed and he seemed to be pacing like he wanted to say something ... but when i looked up he dashed off to his room. Today he knocked on the door of a room I was in to see what I wanted from the grocery store and when I came out...maybe I was too close but he backed up turned around and started walking away before I could finish greek yogurt. I had to text him. I thought I did something wrong like insult him in some way, until Gabriel told me "it's you doing it because you are overprotective and jealous." I am flattered but do not think too hard about killing him ..he is a little weird but so was Sinbad remember him...(not a real threat). And I still made sure you knew I preferred you over him. And you're the only man i would let touch my tummy and not fight back ❤️

6/2/23

I've been in the house all by myself all day. When the guy finally came home he had vegetables in hand and started cooking. Then he offered me some and said ....it has no meat. I haven't seen him cook once since I've stayed here. And then...wait for it...he washed... the dishes. Smh. ELIAS.

If they cheat on you they are cheating on me

God has always told me if they play you they play me.. if they cheat on you they are cheating on me...

Did you cheat on my man hoe?

https://youtu.be/2OWKBxN0pp8

If you were going to be with him you should have just been with him. But when you cheated on him you were cheating on me and that's why I am beating the sh*t out of your soul and the doctors can't scientifically put their finger on why the f*ck you're going through what you're going through so fast. Cheat on me again!

And my man is not a punk he can turn into a beast when he finds out his love is being taken for granted.

https://youtu.be/se4dXWjanlE - How Was My Wife - The Last Boy Scout

And you're going to jail for not only sex trafficking other people's children but sex trafficking your own. Smh. (Get Her Out Of My Sight)

The Wolverine

https://youtu.be/-sqio1tiPGk -Wolverine Adamantium

https://youtu.be/0EHmElTUFqk - Samjaza mad he doesn't have the same DNA (Adamantium) as Adam . Anyone read the God Gene (yawn).

(What movies mimicking Bible characters? What a cover up...can this be proven by science alone??? Find out on the next episode of "humanity is blind)!" F*ckin actors.

https://youtu.be/booKP974B0k - She Wolf Shakira

Awakening Your Subconscious

Also pay attention to what or who God introduces you to, for example the security gaurd that introduced me to the man I am currently staying with keeps introducing me to friends she has that want to give me free self- defense classes. I.e Tai Kwon do, ju jitsu, knife throwing and some others.

God introduces you to things as a way to wake up your subconscious overtime and your body will gradually follow. So don't worry if you feel useless right now... whatever you need to know in order to do what you need to do is coming. (me rolling my eyes at God waiting on a paycheck... tired of working for free).

The Omniprescent Trait (according to Samjaza a trait he has not seen since Eviraah (Eve)..this trait cannot be passed down to your bloodline and you are right it's not fully developed but its developed enough to see through bulls*it thus far.

Anddddd as for the bounty hunter I keep intuitively picking up that is both in awe and in fear due to how smart I am for my age. Tell Samjaza, The God of Spirits would like to let him know... "he is behind schedule...pick up the pace" or i'll die of boredom. Both Melchizedek are now awake and aware.

Whats wrong? Do I not remind you of Marie (The Virgin Mary)? Am I too mouthy? We can talk about this and The Last Supper over a New Supper if you want. No hard feelings that you cut Marie up into tiny pieces, drained her blood into shot glasses when your energy harvest didn't work. (Sharpens knife...no hard feelings) And then hung Jesus on a cross after killing his wife... wife = weakness (thank you jezebel and samson)

By the way Muslims the prophet Muhammad had a successor his name was Bilal (another one bites the dust). You're welcome. (Don't worry this has nothing to do with skin color...we have white ancestors too were not racist...i mean come on Jews you really think Hitler attacked white people with dark hair and olive skin...(gee thought I saw a Melchizedek in the Jewish community... false alarm ...nevermind nevermind I have said too much).

Ginger Jasmine Lemonade Tea Anyone? I'm afraid if I spike them people will begin to fall asleep again... anyone else share that fear or are we turning blind eyes?)

When you serve it to the man you're staying with and he ask you how you got it to turn pink...

Me: Menstrual blood because that's normal right basic betch?

It's puree'd with mangos and strawberries (not menstrual blood for anyone lacking creativity...red acrylic paint would have been less poisonous).

When the man I'm staying with ask who I'm texting

Me: My Arch Nemisis playfully sings* if I ruled the world I'd free all my sons...

Him: Lol (you're so cute walks out the room)

Me:

Anyway...I'm going to go lie down and play. Ps3.

5/28/23

So I was going to add a photo of this black cat this man owns that likes to follow me around and likes to nudge me out of my sleep only to stare at me like I woke him up... Apparently it knows when I'm about to have a fainting spell or my heartrate is off (not from you basic betch its my hormones you hater dont want to give you any false hope). I used to be allergic to cats and salmon but not anymore.

But yeah if the basic betch had cats... I don't know how you can have a dirty house and have cats, you queef...don't even get me started on the litter box smell when you don't clean it and then on top of that you smelling like cat food (spoiled fish).

If anything upsets me about this situation. It's that Elias' family and friends thought this hoe would be a great candidate to replace me. I object!

No wonder you people failed you have horrible judgement and bad taste. Nobody thought hmmm...intelligence should be thrown into this kitchen magic.

God keeps trying to tell me it was heavy spell work you were under Elias, but I argue the fact that I think you would have had to fall prey and choose her as an option before any spell work was able to take effect.

I can't wait to hear your side of the story Elias. (Honestly, I rather hear it from you than tarot readings). You can be honest...I'm also not one of those women who need you to degrade another woman in order to feel attractive or good about myself. If the betch was pretty and socially acceptable looking by societies standards... before all of this and that is what caused you to choose her before that spell work hit ...it won't hurt my feelings.

I'm more worried about having to deal with the trauma she caused you...the first boyfriend I had in college had an ex cheat on him with his best friend and once he started a relationship with me he would always accuse me of cheating, would get really violent, stalk me, abuse was clearly in our futures because neither of us were going to be talking to each other crazy without getting in some sort of physical altercation (these hands betch). Once he even tried to make me feel bad for him because he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and different personalities. (I was like all 5 of those personalities are grown & have a job where they know how to not get fired by way of saying the right things to stranger, so whichever one would like to come out today can get these hands or vulgar voice box for talking or coming at me crazy). It took me 6 months on and off for 3 years (longest relationship ever) for me to realize this little boy was giving me breadcrumbs (treating me how he should have treated his concubine (ex hoe) when I deserved the mo'fkn bread shop. Which neither his concubine or I would ever see...thanks to his experience with that concubine erasing the idea and vision of that bread shop ever being a possibility. I was single for many years after letting him go and I had never planned to go back to anything like it. (Looks around at where I'm at... goddamnit)!

I say that to say, I have respect for you trying to do right by the basic betch and those children you thought were yours. But don't let the basic betch who did you wrong keep you from continuing to do right for the real one. Whether that be a lady pushing a shopping cart who ran over your toe and didn't even say thank you for holding the door...still hold the door for the next lady.

Honestly it's probably going to be your real wife chasing that lady down with a baby in hand like "doors don't hold themselves betch, you forgot to tell my man thank you!" ...and you owe him a toe apology!

The energy to hold that door was not free! wanker!

Before I met you and after the last ex I had before meeting you. I asked God to send me someone who doesn't just treat me with kindness, but treats others with kindness (even other women respectfully ofcourse). This was one for my favorite things I noticed about you at work...when women would come up to you swooning (rolling my eyes) and you were always kind to them even if I was sitting across from you. Even if you knew you were good-looking; your presence (spirit) had more value and that is why they kept coming back after you nonchalantly rejected the obvious crush.

I believe I met the real you...no matter how many people you have pretended to be in order to make others comfortable or fit it. You're my best friend and meeting you really healed me when I was in a dark place. So I wanted to return the favor.

(and now I'm crying faking hormones)

Elias I gotta go I left two yogurt covered pretzels in a small cup in this guys fridge and covered in in plastic wrap.

Guy: Why would you save two mini yogurt pretzels?

Me: I was full .

Guy: full?

Me: yes. Like not hungry anymore. So I'm saving it for later.

Guy: TWO MINI Yogurt Pretzels (shakes cup in the air)

Me: Well whats wrong? ...Don't be jealous..if you want one just say so! (blink blink)

Guy: 😒

5/31/23

Update For Elias:

(If you are not Elias and think this is psychobabble...nobody cares what you think... maybe you should mind your fkn business because your name is not Elias... you dumb losing life crumbling before your eyes betches)

Anyway...that basic betch is about to enter into a halfway house. Good for you...you coked up cauliflower pu**y concubine princess. (She now has genital warts dont worry, this was contracted after you left Elias. Unfortunately, she had to suck d*ck in exchange for spellwork and tarot readings; Damn, you all couldn't give her a few coins to go pay for spellwork? I did say don't help her but sheesh....I see how you treat your workers. I hope you're having fun being me guys....tough sh*t.

Poor concubine princess that is what Gabriel calls you; especially after your Mason family and Elias' wannabe wife mom decided to call on my Angel (Gabriel) in hopes that he would serve them. What did you all get instead? How are you guys feeling... I'm going to be honest I don't feel that great these days but I still tune in every now and then for a good laugh...you haven't failed to supply and appease my need for laughter yet. The argument you had the other day between family members the masons (polish Spaniards) VS. (African islanders) Hoodoo family it was a little racist but entertaining. You people should really upgrade your comebacks though. I felt like I was watching an Uncle Ruckus biopic from that show The Boondocks.

Meanwhile...I have begun the process of menstruating.

So apparently, I was not thinking when I was going to post a picture of the cat that likes to watch me sleep. I bet my enemies were dying to see that cat and use that picture. Poor cat probably would have started attacking me in my sleep... (I still have dumb moments too especially when I don't feel good) These maturing eggs are killing me...I usually clean this guy's litter box for him but the other day I couldn't it triggered nausea and then hyperemesis...finally he put the litter box in another room that wasn't mine and it stopped. (when you never really researched or cared about the topic of pregnancy and find out that pregnancy = anti-litter box)

Then today when I finally had energy to comprehend anything. I found out the guy spent his whole paycheck and I kind of cooked everything and he ate it so now we have to wait until his next paycheck to buy groceries. I wish he would have told me and I would have told him to save his money. And he started saying how he's not going to the gym to workout because lack of calories and so he's going to limit how much he eats but I can eat whatever I want... (people really don't know how to use their resources...he has the biggest bag of rice that I have ever seen in his possession and a cupboard full of herbs; Do you know how many rice flavors you can make?

Anyway so I started experimenting while he was working from home. And surprised him with Yellow rice, basil rice and made tortilla shells and pita bread out of flour mix and black beans. I also made lentils and potatoes into vegan patties. And used the flour to make a flat bread pizza. I like to meal prep. (I've come along way from catching the first apartment I had on fire...with cooking oil on the stove...not supernaturally a$$holes.) But then I started getting stomach cramps after over 8 hours of living in the kitchen and Gabriel told me I need to lay down. The guy asked me if he could rub my tummy and I was like I fortunately have hands to do that for myself...

Some of things this guy channels seems to be similar to the experience you may have had (Elias) with that basic betch. Only I am guessing she probably called you all kinds of worthless names when you started running out of money instead of using the remaining brain cells she has to try and make his life a little easier... You f*cked up betch. Smh. Now who's worthless...you played out succubus melanoma surprise concubine!

So the guy recently told me he wants to start a cookbook and wanted me to write down some recipes that he liked. I told him I would send some to him from my online cookbook (which is really a wedding gift to you but full of surprises like sexual ones) and he could write some of the food recipes I send down himself...(what do I look like your wife maid...I probably do lol)

Also the guy asked me what I thought about prenuptial agreements. If he were to ask me to sign one...?

After careful thought, I think it is wise for any marriage to sign a document that would make sure neither party is"homeless" or without any "assets" if a marriage were to end, like the basic betch. I think many times people within society follow trends without doing their own research adopting a false belief that prenups mean "your spouse doesn't trust you, if you "both agree" to sign a prenuptial agreement." In my opinion, a prenuptial agreement is expressing the exact opposite and means " if the marriage dies we both care enough about each other as human beings to make sure neither of us is broke as a joke and homeless, if one of us is secretly an undercover witch trying to kill the other for their land, money and energy." Right Basic Betch? It's like a death will for marriage. I mean if you plan on staying married wtf does it matter. What are you scared of? Why does it make you sad? What are your thoughts?

When you keep applying for jobs and God keeps denying your applications. God: Keep applying.. if you want to betch I said no. (you and me both basic betch)

I ask God all the time if I can get a job because I am tired of not having money of my own. I even applied to some jobs while I've been here waiting and God keeps telling me to stop playing games with him. But yesterday he told me to ask you Elias "what are your thoughts on me getting a job incognito?" This feels sexist by the way.

Not Everything Has to be Expensive...

You should also look up freecycle.com. I've received a lot of free stuff in good condition and have helped this man redecorate his home. Once, I asked for a tent and this freecycle gave me a 6-person tent never opened. Also gardening tools, herb vitamins unopened and unexpired, hardware tools...furniture etc. You just ask and people in your neighborhood give it to you for free if it's just sitting around collecting dust. I actually don't mind refurbishing furniture...not everything always has to be brand new...when I had my own apartment I painted my own drawers....

I like stuff like this: https://youtu.be/BtlbPqkgwGs - Acrylic Pour Painting Tables

that's probably why it's the rarest blood type...

So I just woke up to this guy telling me he's about to go give blood. And when I asked why? he said because I'm AB+ and I have one of the rarest blood types (but i know he's doing it for money). As a teaser I said "happy bloodletting and could tell I pissed him off...he's very sensitive, so I also told him it was very nice of him. (I heard God say: gullible)

Sometimes, I find it hard to have conversations with people about stuff like this as I have factored in that people do need blood these days for certain diseases and possible gunshot wounds and wars. But does anyone really know where most of that blood goes...especially if they keep running out (bioweapon trials?..no wonder you're the rarest blood type betch). Well, at least they stock the hospitals every now and then bet that donor list is moving slow though.

I was going to ask him if they give donors receipts or postcards some kind of evidence letting them know what type of bioweapon trial that blood was a part of or hopefully a meet in greet with the patient in need... which I guess is why many people like to tell people they gave it (how honorable of you). Good thing when those trains derailed contaminating water, they told people within the United States that they were about to get some of that contaminated water. Nobody ever lies. As long as people have been to some sort of college or have an astounding title ... it must be true.

I would also like to meet the patient in need because I don't just like word-of-mouth science...i like evidence. I want to see where that blood transfusion incision is on that sick human being and a copy of those rising blood levels notarized by a notary of my choice. But until I have a solution ... I'm just going to shut up. Happy Bloodletting.

Elias you're in charge now...

I have this book where I write down timetables of events and when they are supposed to happen for us. And God keeps showing me 3:33...numbers do not mean the same for everyone, but I finally looked in that book because I barely use it. And it says under 3:33 "Elias is the Head of Household." Congratulations. Just like you I am still waiting on legal documentation so don't worry you got this... be patient and follow your intuition.

You also have an Omniprescent Trait...

(Remember our first hug at work after 2 years of working with eachother we only hugged once...the night you left to go work from home)

My gift works in real time (past, present and future) yours is more of a preventive and works through taking action whether that be in real time or in your dream state. Exhibit A: My f*cking freedom. Some of your dreams are predictions and if you feel anxiety due to seeing death for example... there is some kind of way you can prevent it.

Dreams are often used for training your spiritual senses and creating an environment where you no longer feel anxiety or fear. This means not everything you see is going to happen but you have to learn the difference based on what God has told you or showed you. I used to have this dream where I was drowning and when I tried to call out for help....I would continously call out to a mother figure in this dream because she was the closest person in real time (waking life) that I believed could protect me

I kept having the dream repeatedly because I kept failing the test and even though I went to church I did not really believe in "Jesus Christ." I had to swap out the mother figure with Jesus Christ...I stopped having the dream thereadter because I passed the test. A few weeks later started studying more about the bloodline of Jesus Christ. This is called wrestling with God.

Your senses are going to heighten

Ears..

if they haven't already... I would reccommend you get some sleep aids to block out loud noises. It's really hard to sleep without them possibly because I was in shelters with other people and snoring...but it's also happened in single room hotels where I can't sleep because I feel like everything is louder than it should be...I can also hear frequency that other people can't hear and have looked kind of crazy asking past roommates if they can hear it...anyway this will eventually balance out.

Mood Ring Eyes

Your eyes will change colors but it's subtle and once it starts happening you can't control it. Different colors mean different things...the older you get the brighter. Scientifically you lose the melanin in your eyes and experience symptoms of iritis.Females later experience blindness for a short time and are more easily identifiable due to striking colors. I would reccommend getting some dry eye drops use your intuition and pick one.

Before my eyes started changing God would tell me over and over again intuitively. And I thought it was just my imagination. Then one day I was having a conversation with a woman at a shelter and she was like "do you wear contacts?" Three days later I left that shelter. But like I said it's very subtle most people don't notice.

I get really painful headaches do you...

Have you ever heard that theory... there are certain percentage of the brain not in use. This is God waking up parts of the brain you are not using. Usually I Identify these headaches when modern day medicine doesn't work...these headaches don't give a f*ck. So, try and sleep it off. I notice my eyes seem a lot lighter after these headaches as well once they started changing. Also, a lot of times I get energy surges which is just your "spirit" confirming something it can kind of feel like a prickly vibrating feeling going on in your head. Sometimes if I'm not paying attention in public, I will feel it and know to pay attention to my surroundings. Or if touch something or read a book and something resonates, I feel my spirit. It can be either confirmation or warning you of something...you would know based on anxiety. Once you start to become more fearless...you recognize anxiety as "don't do that" or "something in your environment is wrong." When you feel no fear even when you know you probably should because most people would be afraid "nothing is wrong" and you know nothing is wrong because God has allowed you to feel what anxiety and panic attacks feel like. Get it? God doesn't enjoy seeing you in pain or anxiety but if you don't master the feeling, you will fail a test in real life that will save your life. God loves you so much... welcome back to the team.

And don't be intimidated by me...think of me how you thought of me at work. I still walk really fast down hallways like someone is chasing me. And for the most part I am goofy asf naturally...no one would ever suspect I am surprisingly intelligent...sometimes I wish how smart I sound in my head would come out that way. Lately, I feel like it's hard to get out words and sometimes I stutter...yesterday i meant to say the word patties (as in I'm making patties) and it came out panties (soft h). And when I tried to say patties again it still came out panties. And the guy was laughing at me. Melchizedek do speak a whole different language than that on Earth. Moses wasn't stuttering, he was starting to speak his native tongue...which has some sort of accent. (I don't think patties to panties is the end of it. The more our subconscious awakens the more our body remembers.

Lastly Praying

Talk to God like he's your father. (not the deadbeat kind...although if you feel he's been a deadbeat tell him that he's not going to be offended.) Be honest. And unashamed because he doesn't care about what you've done as long as you don't repeat a cycle. He already knew you before you were born and adopted by your sorry a$$ adoptive mom only to use her as an obstacle course in order to crown you king one day. God already knew you were a baby gangster player which is why he chose you for this time period whether you believe it or not. So stop praying on your knees like a modern day slave peasant (no offense people)and turn on whatever music Playlist you want even it's vulgar and ask God what he thinks...praying is just talking. Its a back and forth conversation between you and God. Eventually you build a bond...where God has been paying attention to you not talking and knows you've been trying to keep all the murderous rage-filled thoughts and feelings to yourself to appear angelic and sinless. Eventually, if he hasn't already God is going to call you over...tell you to turn on a Playlist he feels like listening to and speak what you're thinking into existence with no filter. And then he's going to tell you to go to sleep while your angels and words wreak havoc on whomever pissed you off. (Ofcourse your level of anger/rage is also tested...so you won't wreak havoc on just anybody (innocent people matter) when you get the much more destructive gifts).

I hope this helps you.

6/1/23

Elias next time you hear from me it will not be on this blog. This blog has served its purpose. My mission is complete. Gods got you ❤ Use your intuition.

End Credit Songs:

https://youtu.be/9u14-QBPzSE - Pacify her - Melanie Martinez

https://youtu.be/QZp2biJul1c - Vegas- Doja Cat

https://youtu.be/FI0Rq9uDEZs - Halsey, G,-Eazy Tyler Grey Mary Jane Remix

https://youtu.be/2hq3jAO2Rbk - You Should See Me In A Crown ft Nicki Minaj

https://youtu.be/M42EoG1QPnU - Crossfire - Stephen

https://youtu.be/DDA5zMhIQ6A - Jealous - DJ Khalid & Chris Brown

https://youtu.be/amY-JAQch0E - Desperado - Rihanna

https://youtu.be/7xb0-anwAQs - Nasty - Russ

https://youtu.be/yUxM29bo2Dc - I Don't Get Tired - Kevin Gates

https://youtu.be/9xvSNAozKbw - That's All She Wrote - T.I ft Eminem

https://youtu.be/c3eY6FQOaqM - Coming Home - Skylar Grey P Diddy

https://youtu.be/UTK8torOylM - Lord of War

#Youtube

1 note · View note

khargaotte · 2 years

Note

craft asks! 💚 🌿🌼💖please :)

Thanks so much for asking 🧡🧡

💚 How long have you been crafting and how did you get started?

I can't remember precisely how old I was, but my mom taught me the basis of knitting when I was a kid, like... 5-6? something like that? I made one scarf for my teddy bear, it was this horror that I found when clearing out stuff in my room (I'm still fond of it though because it's the first thing i ever made!)

then I didn't really do anything for many years apart from attempting (and giving up on) small sewing projects every now and then (I also had a subscription to a W.I.T.C.H. arts and crafts box at some point it was fun). Then I started knitting again for real in 2015 when I moved to Paris and thought I would knit in the subway (which i never did bc not practical), and picked up sewing around the same time to try fixing holes in my pants!

🌿 What tips would you give a beginner? What is something you wish you had know when you started?

Tips for beginners (mostly focusing on knitting): don't be afraid of "complex" patterns! There's only really 6 things to know: how to start and stop a project, knit, purl, decrease and increase. Everything else is a combination of these six! What makes complex patterns hard is keeping track of things, not the techniques themselves.

Also, I recommend starting with a medium-thick yarn: I often see the super chunky ones advertised as beginner-friendly since they build up fast, but I find that they can be very frustrating bc mistakes are a lot more visible. And very thin yarns are...... A pain in the ass, though the results are worth it in terms of fineness of the work. But medium-thick yarns still build up fast, while being a bit more forgiving with irregularities in tension and stuff!

As for stuff I wish I had known: block your knitting! Knit that tension sample AND block it!! Press your seams!!! These are all steps that are so annoying to do but will yield results that just look so dang nice compared to what they will be if you skip these steps.

🌼 Do you have a project (current or a past one) you want to talk about?

ha i have many it's hard to chose

I'm still riding the hype of having finished the tapestry needlepoint the other day, like, look at these details!! It's still on the "ongoing/to-do" pile though because I want to turn it into a pillow for the couch but that requires 1/ finding tutorials 2/ buying filler material or a filler pillow 3/ teaching myself how to sew a zipper 4/ gathering materials and, finally, 5/ actually getting round to do it

this project just gave me so much serotonin though because i had done a bit of needlepoint when i was a kid and i liked it a lot (mainly because i'm not creative enough for pretty embroidery, and i don't like cross-stitch, but i love the gesture of embroidering, so needlepoint is the perfect compromise for me!), and then a few years ago i'd stumbled into canevas fatal on social media but couldn't afford their canvases, and i re-discovered them this fall and....... woops, now I have money, and i'm ready and willing to give them a huge chunk of it (i also already have this one that my sister gifted me for Christmas along with the thread to make it and I am 100% using it as an incentive to finish a few ongoing projects before I get to it)

💖 Which one of your creations are you the proudest? Show off!

Once again I have many!!! But: this sock might be the most impressive thing I've done (tho, cf what i said in beginner advice: while visually impressive, it's actually just a matter of following the color pattern!!)

(sidenote i actually hate doing colorwork with knitting, especially in the round, and also this sock is ever so slightly too small for my foot, so I do have a love-hate relationship with this project and have been procrastinating on making the second one for months)(also for the second one i'm reversing the color pattern!)

#khar makes stuff #knitting #needlepoint #crafts ask meme #ok i finally came up with a new tag for crafts stuff #had to go digging to figure out what i used to use to retag stuff #it was #the adventures of my scarf #and oooo boy is it a time capsule #also this got long and rambly i'm sorryyyyy #bookshelfdreams

0 notes

btsqualityy · 3 years

Text

Magnolias In Springtime: Part Two

Namjoon x Reader

Genre: Arranged marriage!AU, ABO (Alpha/Beta/Omega) dynamics, fluff, and smut

Warnings: Mentions of infertility, mentions of miscarriages, unprotected sex, dirty talk, impregnation sex, impregnation kink, oral (both Namjoon and reader receiving), penetrative sex, squirting, knotting and creampie.

Author’s Note: You guys know that I always post something on my birthday so here it is! This is the second and final part to Magnolias in Springtime! If you haven’t read part 1, you can find it here! Truthfully, this second part was just an excuse for me to write Namjoon impregnation smut lol But I hope you guys enjoy it!

It’s crazy how much things could change and yet stay the same in the span of a year.

You still loved your home pack, going back to see the Alphas, Betas, and Omegas that helped shaped you into the person you were today at least once a month. You were still spoiled by your parents, who made it their personal mission to shower you with gifts whenever they had the opportunity to see their only child. Most of all, you still used the skills that you had learned in your childhood pack as you prepared to become leader of your new pack with your husband.

Speaking of your husband, Namjoon was the best and most enjoyable change in your life as you had spent the past year falling in love with him.

Admittedly, adjusting to being in a marriage and to a man that you did not know or choose beforehand was hard, but you quickly found out that Namjoon was one of the most amazing people that you had ever met in your life. He was strong, dependable, and trustworthy just like a typical Alpha but you were delighted to find that he was also big on communication and making sure that you felt comfortable enough to talk to him, he was caring, and even sensitive in certain situations. He had quickly become your best friend and you found yourself falling for him not long after the wedding was over.

“Y/N?” Eun Kyung called out and you shook your head as you broke out of your thoughts.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized sheepishly as you turned to look at your mother in law. “Can you repeat what you said? I wasn’t listening.”

“I see that,” she smiled knowingly. “A lot on your mind?”

“Kind of,” you shrugged as you fiddled with the handle of the tea cup that was in front of you.

“Well, that’s understandable sweetie,” she assured you. “We’ve all been so busy getting ready for the Coronation, it’s no wonder that your thoughts are all over the place.”

In the year since you and Namjoon had gotten married, Namjoon’s father Ho-jin had begun to slowly pass over the responsibilities of being Pack Alpha over to Namjoon. Two months ago, he had announced his official retirement and Namjoon would be having a Coronation to celebrate a new era of power. Of course, you would be celebrated as well given the fact that you would be replacing Eun Kyung as Pack Omega.

“Anything you want to discuss?” Eun Kyung wondered.

“You don’t mind?”

“Y/N-ah, that’s what we started these weekly tea dates for, remember?” She pointed out with a giggle and you smiled as you thought back on how your mother in law had insisted that you two meet every Tuesday aftermoon in order to talk and spend time together. At first, you were weary of it but it’s quickly become one of the highlights of your week, every week.

“I guess I’m just nervous about becoming Pack Omega,” you confessed. “I mean, I’m not from this pack and even though it seems like everyone likes me well enough, that might change once Namjoon’s officially Pack Alpha.”

“You remember how I told you about how my marriage to Ho-jin was arranged and how I replaced his mother when the time came?” Eun Kyung asked and you nodded your head. “I had the exact same fears as you do now and my mother in law, may she rest with the ancestors, gave me an amazing piece of advice that I have used continuously over the past 30 years. Wanna know what it is?”

“Yeah.”

“Your only duty as Pack Omega is to support your Alpha,” Eun Kyung began. “Whether that means reassuring him that he’s making a right decision, comforting him when he’s stressed and upset or even cussing him out when he’s dead wrong. The job of a Pack Leader is a stressful one and they must know that even if it feels like the world is on their shoulders, they will always have one person in their corner and that’s us.”

“That’s it?” You giggled and Eun Kyung nodded with a smile, pausing to take a sip of her tea before continuing.

“It seems intuitive right, because we’re Omegas ourselves but being the spouse of a Pack Leader means that we always have to shoulder a little bit more, whether it be more pain, more sadness, more hope,” she explained. “But I guarantee you, making sure that Namjoon is taken care will be the greatest thing that you can do for the pack.”

“I believe you,” you said. “I just know that Namjoon isn’t gonna make it easy for me. You know how he is about work and making sure the pack’s taken care of.”

“Don’t worry, Ho-jin already said that he plans to talk to him about finding a healthy balance,” Eun Kyung told you.

“Good,” you smiled as you brought your tea cup to your mouth, taking a long sip from it.

“Speaking of that though, there was actually something that I wanted to talk to you about,” she said and you lowered your cup from your lips.

“Go ahead,” you encouraged her before taking another sip.

“Are you and Namjoon....uh....fulfilling your....marital duties?” She wondered and you choked on your tea, immediately setting your cup down as you coughed harshly. Eun Kyung reached over and gave you several strong pats on the back, which helped you regulate your breathing again.

“Uh, why do you ask?” You chuckled nervously.

“Well, with the coronation coming up, there’s been talk about the fact that you aren’t pregnant yet,” Eun Kyung elaborated and your eyes widened in realization. “Some people are beginning to become concerned.”

“And you’re one of them?” You shot back.

“Yes, but not in the way that you’re thinking,” she laughed. “I’m worried about you as a person and not about your ability to conceive.”

“Why?”

“Because I know what it’s like to have your worth evaluated only in terms of how many kids you can pop out,” she smiled sadly and as her words registered with you, your jaw dropped as you put the pieces together.

“Eun Kyung, you?”

“I struggled with infertility, yes,” she confirmed.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” you whispered as you reached out, setting one of your hands on top of hers. She turned her hand around and intertwined your fingers with hers.

“Oh, I’m ok sweetie,” she swore. “After Ho-jin and I got married, we had miscarriage after miscarriage and it took six years before I got pregnant with Namjoon and he became our miracle baby. I’m telling you all this because I known how isolating that struggle can be and if that’s the case for you, I wanted you to know that you’re not alone.”

“I appreciate it Eun Kyung, but I don’t think that’s the case for Namjoon and I,” you muttered. “We’re just taking things slow and not rushing it. I mean, we’ve only been married for a year and we have years to have babies.”

“Alright sweetheart, alright,” Eun Kyung laughed. “I just wanted you to know that I’m here for you and if that’s how you and Namjoon feel, then I’ll get everyone else off your back.”

“Thank you,” you smiled gratefully and she tightened the grip that she had on your hand reassuringly.

“No problem. Now, onto more important business,” she grinned. “Finding you a dress to wear for the coronation.” You nodded your head immediately, grateful that she changed the direction of the conversation because you had no idea how to tell her that you and Namjoon had only had sex a handful of times in the last year.

.............................................

After finally leaving Ho-jin and Eun Kyung’s house a few hours later, you went home and made dinner. As usual, Namjoon came home around 6 and the two of you sat down in your dining room together, eating and talking about how your days went.

Everything was going very normally until Namjoon called out to you as you both worked on cleaning up the kitchen.

“Y/N-ah?” He said.

“Hmm?”

“Did my mom say something to you today about a baby?” He wondered and you turned to look over at him, watching as he continued to wash the dishes as if he hadn’t just asked you what he did.

“How did you know?” You asked.

“My father said something about it to me today after our meeting,” Namjoon sighed and you walked over to him, leaning against the counter so that you could look at him.

“She did too, and she told me about her infertility,” you told him. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Because it’s super personal to her and I didn’t know if she would be comfortable with me telling you,” he explained. “But why do you think I wanted 5 pups initially?”

“I get it now,” you giggled. “What did your dad say when he brought it up?”

“It was definitely less diplomatic than my mom,” he chuckled as he finished rinsing off the dishes and began drying off his hands. “He went on and on about how our family legacy needs to continue on and if we’re able, we need to have at least a few kids.”

“Hmm,” you murmured and Namjoon looked at you skeptically, raising his eyebrow.

“What’s that mean?” He laughed.

“Nothing,” you shrugged as you looked down at your feet but he didn’t buy that, throwing the towel that he was holding onto the counter and moving closer to you.

“Hey, talk to me,” he pleaded and you sighed heavily before squaring your shoulders and looking up at him again.

“Why don’t you ever try to have sex with me?” You demanded to know. “I mean, besides our wedding night, we’ve only had sex during my two heats and your rut, and I’m guessing that you didn't tell your father that.”

“No, I didn’t tell him that,” Namjoon huffed with a smile. “And the reason that I haven’t been trying is because I don’t want to push you. Even though we both agreed to this marriage, it still never leaves my mind that you didn’t really choose this. I don’t want to force you into yet another life changing decision, because pups are forever.”

“Hey, I wasn’t forced into anything,” you gently corrected him. “Yeah, I had to make a choice to save my pack but I did that because I wanted to. Plus, you didn’t necessarily choose this either.”

“I know but still,” he muttered. “I just didn’t want you to think that you were obligated to have sex with me, let alone have my pups. And as for the heat and rut thing, it was easier because you asked for me during your heat and during my rut, I could blame it on my hormones.”

“You sure that it’s not because you’re not attracted to me?” You joked lamely and Namjoon smacked his lips together as he set his hands on your cheeks, forcing you to maintain eye contact with him.

“Baby, you’re the most gorgeous woman that I’ve ever laid my eyes on,” he told you seriously. “I think the world of you, and you know that.”

“It’s kind of hard to remember,” you admitted.

“I should have explained to you my reasoning and for that, I’m sorry,” he apologized. “But don’t you ever think for one second that I don’t want you. I think about you all the time, my Alpha gets nervous anytime that I’m away from you for too long and hell, my cock gets hard as soon as you look at me with these eyes.”

“Namjoon,” you whined through giggles, which made him smile as he looked at you fondly.

“If you’re comfortable with it, I’d have sex with you whenever you wanted,” he said.

“I’m comfortable with it,” you assured him. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he replied, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

“But what about pups?” You whispered, your lips moving against his as you spoke.

“Baby, I’d love to see you pregnant with my pups,” he told you. “If it were up to just me, you’d always be pregnant. All you have to do is say the word.”

“I want your pups Alpha,” you murmured as you looked up at him through your lashes. “Please.” Without another word, Namjoon bent down and scooped you up into his arms, making you squeal and cling onto him as he carried you bridal style out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

“I could’ve walked!” You exclaimed while giggling.

“This is more romantic,” he winked at you. After making it up the stairs, he walked down the hallway to your bedroom, using one hand to open the door before stepping inside. He walked over to the bed, laying you down gently before crawling on top of you and kissing you passionately.

You moaned into his mouth, your legs coming up to wrap themselves around his waist as you pulled him closer to you. He moved away from your lips eventually, his mouth trailing downwards and sucking on the mating mark that he had given you on your wedding night.

“You’re perfect baby,” he mumbled against your skin and you could barely reply because he had begun to grind against you. The thin layer of your leggings did little to inhibit the feeling, and you felt yourself whining as you became more turned on.

“W-wanna suck you off,” you whispered shyly and he pulled his face out of your neck, looking down at you with a smile.

“Alright,” he nodded before climbing off of you, settling himself next to you on the bed. You sat up then, reaching down and pulling off your t-shirt before letting Namjoon help you unclip your bra. Even though the two of you hadn’t had sex as often as you hoped, you had sex often enough to know that your husband was definitely a breast man and he loved to see them while you gave him a blow job.

You moved down the bed and settled yourself on your stomach in between his legs, pulling down the shorts he had on and his boxers just enough so that his cock fell out, taking ahold of it in both of your hands. He was almost fully hard and you didn’t waste any time taking him into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the tip.

“Fuck,” Namjoon groaned deeply and hearing your Alpha feel good only spurred you on. You then took him as deep into your mouth as you could, making him moan from how good your throat felt around his cock. Once you deemed him wet enough, you began to bob your head up and down, using your hands to stroke the parts of his shaft that you couldn’t reach with your mouth.

“Good girl baby,” he praised you. “So good to my cock.” You could feel yourself getting wet but you were too focused on doing your best to make your husband feel good. As you continued to suck him off for a few minutes, you could feel his cock beginning to throb lightly and you knew that meant that he was close to coming. Just as that thought registered in your mind though, Namjoon reached down and pulled himself out of your mouth.

“What’s wrong?” You wondered.

“You're sucking me off a little too well baby,” he chuckled. “I was about to come embarrassingly fast.”

“That’s ok,” you shrugged.

“Not if you want my pups inside of you instead of in your mouth,” he smirked, making you blush at his words. “Here, switch places with me.” You sat up and shuffled on your knees up the bed, turning yourself around before laying down on your back. Namjoon then sat up and grabbed ahold of the waist band of your leggings, pulling them down along with your panties. You let your legs fall out and Namjoon licked his lips once he set his eyes on your bare pussy.

“I knew it,” he grumbled, reaching out and letting his middle finger ghost over your clit. “I could tell you were getting wet baby, I could smell your scent from your pussy.” Without giving you the chance to reply, he dove forward and sucked your clit into his mouth. You cried out, your back arching up off of the bed as he suckled on your clit.

“Damn it,” you whimpered, lifting your head and watching him as he began to leave wide licks up your slit.

“Let’s see how you do with a finger,” Namjoon muttered, pausing the actions of his tongue in order to slide his middle finger inside of you.

“Oh fuck,” you gasped, letting your had fall back against the bed.

“You’re so tight baby, you’re just swallowing my finger,” Namjoon groaned. You felt movement on the bed and when you opened your eyes, you were surprised to see that Namjoon was now laying next to you on the bed, looking down at you as he pushed a second finger in alongside his

“You want Alpha to make you come like this?” He wondered aloud as he began to thrust his finger in and out of you. “Wanna come on my fingers?”

“Please,” you nodded and he smiled as he began to fuck you faster. Namjoon’s fingers were long and slender, meaning that he as able to reach the deepest parts of you without it being too overwhelming to you.

“Ha, ha,” you moaned in time with his thrusts.

“You’re dripping baby,” he told you but you didn’t even hear him because you could feel your orgasm winding to it’s end in your core.

“I’m gonna come,” you announced and nothing could’ve prepared you for Namjoon pulling his fingers out of you. You whipped your head to look over at him, tears beginning to well up in your eyes as you felt your orgasm slowly but surely slipping away.

“Why?” You pouted and Namjoon cooed at you before leaning over and kissing you firmly for a few seconds before pulling away.

“Alpha wants his Omega to come on his cock while I come inside of you, ok?” He told you and you sighed reluctantly before nodding your head.

Namjoon pushed his shorts and underwear all the way off his legs before reaching up and pulling his t-shirt off as well. He then sat up and moved to settle in between your legs, taking ahold of the base of his cock and tapping the head of it on your clit.

“If you want me to c-come on your cock, d-don’t tease me,” you whined and he just chuckled fondly.

“Ok, I’m sorry baby,” he whispered, guiding his cock into you slowly. You felt like you were going to choke on air as he stretched you out, since you had basically forgotten how long and thick he was.

“Oh, just like that baby,” Namjoon mumbled as he began to slowly thrust in and out of you. “You’re opening up so good for me.”

“A-Alpha,” you whimpered, clutching onto his forearms as he began to fuck you faster. “Fuck, it feels so good.”

“What does?” Namjoon goaded you. “Tell your Alpha baby.”

“Your cock feels good inside me,” you moaned. “Feel so full.”

“God, I can’t believe that I was keeping myself from feeling your tight little pussy every day,” he grumbled. “I’m sorry baby.”

“It’s o-ok,” you stammered back, the beginnings of your orgasm starting to reappear.

“I’m gonna fuck you everyday from here on out if you let me,” he swore, looking down at you with hooded eyes. “Would you want that? Want Alpha to always keep you full with his knot?”

“Please, please, please,” you chanted.

“Want Alpha to fuck a baby into you?”

“Give it to me,” you moaned loudly and Namjoon reached up, sliding two of his fingers into your open mouth. You didn’t even hesitate to start sucking on them, making your husband groan as your tongue slid around the digits.

“Gonna make you come,” he said as he pulled his fingers away from your mouth, reaching down and setting them on your clit. Your mouth dropped open as he began to rub firm circles on the nub and you were almost embarrassed by how fast the stimulation sped up the pace at which your orgasm was running towards you.

“Holy fuck, don’t stop,” you pleaded. “I’m gonna come.”

“Go ahead baby, I won’t stop you,” he promised as he continued to fuck you and rub your clit. Sure enough, your orgasm slammed into you a few seconds later. The moan that fell out of your mouth was almost deafeningly loud and you were sure that Namjoon would have indents on his arm from where you were gripping onto his skin as your back arched up off of the bed.

“Fuck, you’re squirting baby,” he groaned as he took his hand off of your clit and placed his hands on the bed next to your head, fucking into you even harder now.

“T-too much,” you murmured as you set your hands against his chest.

“You love it though. You’re still coming for me,” he smirked and you couldn’t help but to blush because you could still feel yourself leaking onto his cock.

“I do,” you admitted and he leaned down, pressing a firm kiss to your lips.

“You’re so perfect for me,” he grumbled and you could feel the beginnings of his knot starting to swell. “Squirting for me and marking your Alpha. God, it makes me want to stuff my knot into you and fill you up with my pups.”

“Do it,” you encouraged him. “Give me a baby Joon.”

“I love you,” he grunted and you gave him a small smile.

“I love you too,” you replied, moaning lightly when he kissed you again. As the two of you made out, Namjoon pushed his knot inside of you and you felt his cum start to pour into you. He continued to give you light strokes, making sure to fuck his cum even deeper inside of you than it already was.

“Making sure that it takes huh?” You giggled and he just blushed as he pulled back to look at you.

“Gotta make it worth it,” he pointed out. “Besides, even if you don’t get pregnant this time, we can always try again and again and again.”

“As long as you make me come like that again,” you nodded in agreement.

“Oh, I definitely wanna see that again,” he smirked. “Maybe I should deny you your orgasm more often.”

“I’ll murder you,” you stated firmly, making him laugh loudly.

“I’m joking baby,” he said, leaning down and kissing your mating mark. “Love you.”

“I love you too,” you whispered.

.............................................

A few weeks later, the day of Namjoon’s coronation had finally come. The entire pack was gathered outside near the wall of magnolias that you and Namjoon had gotten married near, waiting for the ceremony to take place.

The two of you were in your shared bedroom, where you were helping him get dressed into his traditional hanbok.

“Are you ok?” You asked him while you fastened the buttons on his chest.

“Yeah, of course,” he chuckled awkwardly. “Why do you ask?”

“You’re trembling,” you giggled and he just sighed heavily.

“I’m terrified,” he admitted. “I’ve been looking forward to being Pack Leader my entire life but what if I’m not good at it? My dad and grandfather were amazing Pack Alphas and what if I can’t measure up?”

“Joon,” you tsked as you reached up and set your hands on his cheeks, making him look you in the eyes. “You can’t compare yourself to anyone else. You are going to be an amazing leader because you’re thoughtful, caring, and selfless.”

“You think so?”

“I know so,” you smiled. “Just like I know that you’ll be an amazing daddy.”

“A daddy?” He repeated confusedly and you nodded your head. It took him a few minutes but when he put the pieces together, his eyes widened. “Baby, are you pregnant?”

“I am,” you nodded, squealing in surprise when Namjoon wrapped his arms around you and picked you up, spinning you around in a circle. “Wait, you’re gonna make me nauseous!”

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he laughed as he set you back down on the ground. “I just can’t believe it.”

“You’re happy, right?”

“Of course I am,” he sighed contentedly. “I’m so happy that our parents arranged our marriage.”

“Ditto,” you cooed, leaning forward and kissing him gently for a few seconds before pulling away. “Now, we have to go. You have to go and claim your rightful position.”

“We have to claim our rightful position,” he corrected you as he reached down and intertwined your fingers with his. After taking one last look at him to make sure that he looked good, the two of you walked downstairs and out of your house, ready to step into your new roles and the new phase of your lives.

#bts #bangtanarmynet #bts reactions #bts imagines #bts namjoon #bts rm #namjoon x reader #rm x reader #namjoon smut #namjoon angst #namjoon fluff #rm smut #rm angst #rm fluff #bts x reader #bts smut #bts angst #bts fluff #bts abo

392 notes · View notes

19lungs · 3 years

Text

Sasuke kind of loves where Naruto lives, though he isn’t quite sure why.

He likes the smell of salt by the sea when they open the window, and he likes how Naruto looks outside on the shoreline, wind in his hair and water at his feet. He likes how Naruto looks at home, even when a storm rages, he’s always right where he belongs. He likes the cozy feeling of the Uzumaki household, it’s just a house on a small island, where Naruto knows all the local shop owner’s, wearing them down with barter, but they still always smile at him when he walks through the door.

Sasuke desperately wants to kiss him.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Naruto jumps onto his bed, where Sasuke is half-laying against his headboard, schoolwork open on his lap.

Sasuke raises his eyebrows, as if he would reveal that information out loud in actual words. He and Naruto were currently caught in something. It felt inevitable, like they’d been caught in things before.

“If you purposely have terrible perminship to cover up your logs,” Sasuke proposes instead.

Naruto squints at him, clearly not buying it.

“I’m not gonna get caught.” Something a little mischievous appears in those ocean blue eyes. “Sweet of you though, to worry about me.”

His gaze turns a little more searching, and Sasuke always feels a particular way, when Naruto looks like that. Sasuke doesn’t personally think his thoughts are all that different from anyone else’s, but sometimes, it feels like Naruto wants to know every single one, like he’s never had access before, like he has to soak up everything he can, before it’s gone. It makes Sasuke’s chest hurt, and if anyone were to ask, he could never justify why.

Naruto asks again. “What were you really thinking about?”

It’s a nudge. Sasuke doesn’t know why Naruto does that — uses that careful, more gentle tone — except that maybe he worries about overstepping. Maybe he’s worried that Sasuke was thinking about his father’s recent death, and just hadn’t wanted to say so out loud.

“I like where you live,” Sasuke gives.

There’s a small release of tension in Naruto, and Sasuke watches it fall away under that hideously patterned orange shirt. Naruto has an attachment to a specific color scheme that must go back lifetimes for how stubbornly he clings to it. Sasuke has tried to sway him from it to no avail, and it’s easier to think about that, rather than what if he gives the answer Naruto is so scared of. He’s not quite sure what it is, or how to prevent it; he’s not sure he could guess it, even if he tried.

“Guess it can be hard, moving around so much,” Naruto offers, by leeway of giving room for Sasuke to expand.

“I don’t mind it,” Sasuke says and he means it. Though, he hesitates, gaze lifting. “I just... like it a little more here.”

It costs him to say these things, sometimes, like a lump caught in his throat, but it’s always worth it when he can manage.

Naruto’s smile is immediate, small and knowing. “Are you trying to say something, Uchiha?”

Sasuke can’t run from that challenge. Naruto is already moving in any case, there’s no time to even consider running, as he shifts over Sasuke to lean down, as Sasuke’s arms curl up and around—

Sasuke freezes. “Naruto,” he says.

Kushina looms over them, tapping a frying pan against her hand like a baseball bat. Naruto pauses at Sasuke’s pause, catching on and following where Sasuke’s eyes are looking, and turns to—

Scramble for his life.

He makes it to the edge of the bed, before Kushina has pulled off his jacket, which Naruto quickly twists and sheds, but unfortunately, not everyone is blessed with grace, as Kushina yanks on the sleeve just in time to offset his balance, sending him to the floor with a yelp. Flat on his back, Naruto holds his hands up in surrender, and laughs the most sheepish, red-handed laugh that Sasuke has ever heard. It threatens a small smile at his lips, but Sasuke isn’t idiotic enough to piss off Naruto’s mother.

“Naruto!” Kushina raises her voice, standing over him. “What did I say about leaving the door open when Sasuke is over!”

“It’s not like that, Ma, really—”

“It’s a little like that,” Sasuke corrects, because what? He values honesty. His job is to make Naruto’s parents like him, not to take the heat.

Naruto throws him a look of betrayal, and his eyes narrow even further when they notice the tiny quirk in Sasuke’s mouth. Sasuke refuses to take the bait, raising his eyebrows with false innocence. Naruto needs to get in trouble once in a while. Otherwise, he’ll get caught for the things he should actually get in trouble for.

“Door open,” Kushina growls. “I won’t allow my son to be a delinquent, yanno!”

Naruto nods with such enthusiastic agreement, a bobblehead would be jealous. Satisfied, she turns to Sasuke and smiles. “Nice to see you again, Sasuke. Say hi to your mom for me when you go home before your curfew. No more sneaking through my obedient’s son’s window, okay?”

Saskue nods, politely. He likes Naruto’s mother. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and all that.

Though, he does appreciate her for what she did for his mom. Since Kushina suggested she come back to her hometown after the funeral, his mom has been doing better. It’s been strange, to see his mom function in a completely different element, where the shopkeepers talk about her and Kushina getting in trouble together as little girls. Before coming to the island, he didn’t even know his mother had friends.

It’s been... nice.

Kushina takes her frying pan and her leave. Naruto groans, sitting back up.

“I hadn’t even kissed you yet,” he complains. “She has some freakish sixth sense.”

“Well, you are a delinquent.” Sasuke plays devil’s advocate. “And I did crawl through your window.”

It’s difficult to find alone time on a small island, especially on a small island where the guy you keep trying to make out with knows everyone, and while his own mom is a little more... laid back than Naruto’s, at least in terms of open doors, Sasuke doesn’t want to cause her any trouble right now. He thinks Naruto inherently understands this, because he never suggests his house.

“Who’s side are you on?” Naruto huffs. “And I dunno what you think you’ve pieced together, but I’m not a delinquent.”

It’s almost a mutter, and Sauke gets the impression that he’s not a delinquent, but he is something. Sasuke watches Naruto stand back up, eyeing the door where his mom left, like he’s seriously considering bolting it shut, while Sasuke contemplates on revealing what he has pieced together. It just seems pointless when he’s relatively certain Naruto won’t tell him the rest, if not to protect whatever he’s involved in, then to protect Sasuke’s deniability if he ever does get caught.

“Smuggling—” That’s all Sasuke gets out before Naruto is tackling him and clamping a hand over his mouth.

The clock ticks as Naruto watches the door like prey waiting in the brush, holding its final breaths. When there’s no sign of either of his parents, he turns back to Sasuke with a firm look of warning, before removing his hand.

“Are you trying to give me a heart attack? Is that it?” Naruto asks. “A stroke, an aneurysm?”

“I was aiming for brain aneurysm, actually, until I remembered you need a brain for that,” Sasuke points out with a smug smirk that he knows will drive Naruto up the wall.

He enjoys watching Naruto’s hackles rise.

“Just because you—Ugh,” Naruto eloquently voices, like he might start pulling on his hair. Sasuke quirks an eyebrow in encouragement, that may or may not be a trap. He wants to know the truth. If he’s reached the correct conclusion about Naruto’s spare time activity. “It’s not something you want to be involved in, okay? Why can’t you just drop it already?”

There’s a desperate note in Naruto’s voice, an askance for Sasuke to stop. Out of worry. Out of concern. But that’s why he can’t drop it. Why the hell does Naruto always sound like that?

“Are you in some sort of trouble?” Sasuke finds himself asking, and the backlash is immediate. Not from Naruto. Naruto just blinks at him, looking vaguely startled at Sasuke’s flinch, and then just confused. The internal backlash strikes with enough ferocity for everyone involved. He’s showing too many cards. He knows he is, and he can see the rigidity of his father’s face, too soft, those eyes said, too emotional, and Itachi’s quiet agreeance, it’s better this way.

Sasuke pushes at Naruto’s chest, telling him to get off without words. “Curfew is in a few—”

“No, Sasuke.” Naruto grabs his wrist, halting movement. Sasuke refuses to look at him, too open, too exposed. “No.”

Words can’t find their way out of his mouth, so he stays silent. The salt in the air suddenly feels far too thick.

“It’s not like that,” Naruto reassures, quickly. He lets go of Sasuke’s wrist, leaning back onto his own thighs to give them room. Sasuke studies a spot on the wall, until Naruto’s apparent distress draws his eyes back over, watching him push a hand through blond hair. Those frustrated blue eyes have taken partial to the wall too. “It’s... complicated.”

Sasuke observes the frown in his mouth. He’s already shown his cards. It’s too late to take it back.

Maybe it’s an argument worth committing to. It’s a foreign concept to Sasuke outside of his family. He hasn’t had many friends in his life, and even those he would consider friends, he’s never found much of a point in fighting. If they want to be stupid, then they can be stupid. Sasuke is hardly domestic enough to start little arguments. He can remove himself if he doesn’t want to be involved. Until now, apparently.

He cares if Naruto is stupid.

“Complicated sounds dangerous,” Sasuke tests. “You’re not denying it’s dangerous.”

Naruto’s mouth thins. His eyes refuse to come back to Sasuke, and Sasuke knows what it means. Naruto isn’t willing to argue.

He’s not willing to talk about it.

Sasuke waits, carefully, for what feels like several stabbing heartbeats. Naruto probably regrets it — the first time he took Sasuke out on his boat, gifted to him on his sixteenth birthday, two years ago. Traveling by boat was the only way to get to the mainland, and Kushina made Naruto his official guide when he and his mom first arrived, to both of their horrors.

He and Naruto incidentally met the day before at school, eleven kids to a grade. It would be hard to miss each other.

Naruto took him out anyway, and they grumbled and bickered for a majority of it, and they’d ended the night with Choji’s famous Kraken Skewers. Sasuke isn’t the biggest fan of squid, but he ate it anyway, after being convinced by Naruto that it was a crime against humanity not to try it.

On their way back, growing comfortable around Naruto at an unusual rate, he started poking around and noticed the logs. His memory has always been pristine, and he knew there were more crates underneath the deck than what it said on his logs. Naruto played it off, I crate over extra goods sometimes, Naruto admitted, caught and rubbing the back of his neck, there’s this girl...

Sasuke completely bought it, he didn’t even question it, in fact he immediately told Naruto he didn’t need to hear it. He’d been around enough guys his own age to know they were annoyingly obsessed with girls and Sasuke had no shared interest.

In hindsight, there’s a good chance Naruto had a hunch and wielded it as a weapon of redirection.

Given, the illusion was shattered when Naruto kissed him.

He probably wasn’t sneaking extra goods to a mainland girl, but it was a decent cover. Especially when the maritime patrol were mostly older men, who liked to reminisce in their testosterone riddled days as a teenager, or whatever the fuck. Sasuke wonders how many times that story worked, and how many different ones Naruto has told.

Sasuke began to notice more, how easily Naruto crawled in and out of his bedroom window, like he’d done it a thousand times, the bags under his eyes, the way he could anchor his boat in the dark, not a single light needed. Sasuke can tell apart Naruto’s real smiles and ones that meant something different, like he was sad, or just a little too tired of something heavier than this island could hold.

But Naruto thinks he can hold it. And he thinks he can do it alone.

Sasuke collects his study books and shoves them into his bag, sliding out from underneath Naruto and off the bed. Naruto still won’t look at him, hands resting on his knees, and mouth pinched.

“You know I’ll figure it out,” Sasuke says. It’s not a threat. It’s just the truth.

He pauses in Naruto’s doorway before leaving. He hesitates. He can’t help that he notices these things. One day, the pieces will fall into place, and it will all click together, whether he or Naruto wants it to or not.

“You should decide how you want that to happen.”

He doesn’t notice Naruto frown at the door when he walks out.

#SNStober2021 #Domestic #Domestic Supernatural Island AU?#Where Naruto smuggles demons and spirits over seas back into their realm #It's dangerous tho!#Doesn't want Sasuke to get hurt #SNS #SasuNaru #NaruSasu #Excited to participate in SNStober #!

80 notes · View notes

baby-bearie · 4 years

Text

the 7 ways he’ll tell you he loves you

(NOT MY GIF ALL CREDIT TO OWNER)

jj maybank x reader

taglist: @snarkystarkey @sunflowermotel @howdyherron @drew-starkey @maraseavey @outerbanqs @yelyahryan @obxwriterfan @avashroom @rewindlr @raekenliar @imsad05 @ceruleanjj @dolanfivsosxox @heyhargrove @lashtonandmalumsbaby @beautyandthebleh @pancahke @outrbank @johnbsflowr @corleigh @poguemacking @maybe-maybanks @katie-avery @5sos-seavey

a/n: this is unedited, so sorry about the mistakes. i saw a lot of trouble going around with plagiarism on wattpad and i did report a lot of books with stolen fics and props to you guys for getting a few actually taken down!! plagiarism and theft of intellectual property is HURTFUL, writers put SO MUCH into their work, and it’s not so you can get some votes on a wattpad page. also, boys using lovely as a nickname is ;alsdjffenve.

How long is forever supposed to be? Months? Years, decades, lifetimes? Forever was supposed to be you and JJ.

Forever feels like the 15 minutes that he’s been fighting you for.

“Y/n, I don’t get why you’re turning this into such a big deal.”

“Stop doing that. Stop acting like I don’t get to be mad. I do! I am! You know, you always do this JJ.” “I do not.” “You do. I’m sick of it. I’m- I’m sorry, JJ, but I’m done. I don’t wanna do this anymore,” you sniffle. You refuse to cry. Not in front of him. “We’re going in circles, I really think it’s time to, to just call it quits.” You shrug. JJ is silent. You wait, you yourself need to process what just came out of your mouth.

JJ is on the couch. He leans on his knees with his elbows and his head is hanging low. He nods. Slowly at first, then quicker.

“Okay,” he sighs, “You’re right. You’re right.” You nod, relieved that he agreed with you. A bigger part of you was upset that he agreed with you. It would’ve been nice if he had put up some kind of a fight.

“So, uh, I’ll go.” “Yeah.”

You collapsed onto the couch, rubbing a hand over your face. A brightly colored magazine was open on the coffee table in front of you. Cheetah printed bold letters spelled out a headline:

The 7 Ways He’ll Tell You He Loves You.

Talk about bad timing. You flipped the cover back over it.

#1: He’ll flat out tell you.

“You know, you’re one of the dumbest boys I’ve ever met.” “Right back at you.” JJ grinned up at you. “Oh, low blow, dude.” You laughed, tackling him down onto the bed. JJ fell back with a loud oof, the breath knocked out of his stomach.

“One day, you’ll do that and I won’t get up, you know that? You’re actually going to be the death of me.” “Oh, I hope so. I’m already sick of you.” “This is literally you confessing to my murder.” He laughed, shoving you off him so he could hover over you instead. “They won’t arrest me, I’m too cute.” You gave him a cheesy smile.

“That you are,” JJ smirked, leaning down to press soft kisses into the skin between your jaw and your neck. You hummed in approval as he pulled away. You fiddled with the necklace which dangled from his neck. “I love you,” he muttered.

“ ‘Til I murder you?”

He pecked your lips. “Til you murder me.”

He couldn’t have fought for you? Put up some sort of argument? This was a stupid battle to pick with yourself. You were the one who instigated the break up.

Maybe you weren’t expecting him to actually agree with you. You weren’t expecting him to let you end things.

#2: He’ll protect you.

“Maybank, I swear to god, if you don’t get us down from here right now I will throw your ass off this cliff.” “It’s really not that high up!” “Holy shit!” You yelped and turned to bury your face in JJ’s chest. He instinctively wrapped his arms around you.

“Hey, you’re okay, alright? You’re okay. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. I got you. It’s okay, I got you.” JJ assured you, laughing a little through his words at how tightly you were clutching his tank top.

The next couple of weeks hurt like hell. It’s a sad process, trying to leave behind someone you were rooted to so deeply. You’d see him at parties or even just out on the street sometimes.

His eyes always followed you. When you were dating, you were amazing at being able to tell when JJ was watching you. A shiver used to run over your spine, and you’d turn and immediately meet his eyes. He’d smirk and raise his hand to salute you.

God, how you missed that smirk.

Apparently, after you stopped dating, your body never forgot what it felt like when his eyes were on you. These days, when you turned to look at him his eyes were intense. He held your eyes for a second. One second when you could forget how you cried and how he left without kissing you goodbye.

Then he looked away.

#3: He thinks of you when you’re not with him.

“Hey, baby, look at this.” JJ threw the door to the Chateau open and marched over to you. His smile was proud, like a child trying to impress his mom. He stuck out his hand and dropped a small square magnet into yours. You flipped it over to see the front.

It was brown and painted badly to look wooden. There were two u-shaped magnets painted on as well, and it read, ‘I can’t help but be attracted to you’. You read this out loud and JJ grinned, ecstatic with his choice.

“Where did you get this?” You snorted. “It was at some cheesy gift shop. It made me think of you so I had to buy it.” “It’s perfect. I love it.” You stood to kiss his cheek and slid the magnet onto the fridge. “You’re very welcome.”

JJ has always been nearly unreadable. He’s scarily good at hiding his thoughts and feelings from everyone around him, often including his best friends. You knew John B at least had some knowledge of JJ’s emotions, but you doubted the rest of the group did.

You had at least managed to make a couple cracks in the hard walls he had built up around himself.

#4: He shows you his emotions.

You gaped in awe at the bruises littering his torso. You had no idea just how bad it was. You had no idea why he never told you.

“I can’t take him anymore, Y/n, I can’t take it- can’t do it anymore.” JJ sobbed, his arms tightening around you. You guided his head down to your shoulder.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, J. C'mere.” You took a deep breath. You would not cry. Not when he needed you to be strong. “Let it out. You’re okay now.” You locked eyes with John B, terrified.

His tears soaked the skin on your shoulder and the first of many that night fell into his hair.

But since the breakup, from what you saw of him you couldn’t get anything. His face was expressionless every time you made eye contact with him.You had seen him smile at his friends once or twice, but nothing real. JJ was very good at fake smiles. They looked nearly identical to his real ones. But you loved him for long enough to know what a real one should look like.

#5: He’ll try and make you laugh.

“Why are you sad, lovely? Stop it, I hate seeing you sad.” JJ pulled you on his chest, brushing hairs out of your face. You shook your head, tucking your face into his chest.

“Ok. Fine. You leave me no other choice.” JJ sighed loudly. “What do you call Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson when he tells time?”

He waited a second for an answer that never came. “Dwayne ‘The Clock’ Johnson.”

You laughed abruptly, but it came out as a sob. You didn’t lift your head.

“Alright, you want more, fine. What do you call Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson when he won’t shut up? Dwayne ‘The Talk’ Johnson. What do you call Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson when the doorbell is broken? Dwayne ‘The Knock’ Johnson. What do you call Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson when he wears comfortable, breathable footwear? Dwayne ‘The Croc’ Johnson.”

Your whole body was shaking with uncontrollable laughter now. You were certain that JJ had been practicing those at some point.

“No more, no more, please,” You finally lifted your head and JJ wiped away a fallen tear with his thumb. You choked on a laugh. “So how long did it take you to come up with those?”

JJ frowned. “What do you mean, I came up with those like just now!” He laughed.

“Okay, sure, JJ.” “Don’t test me, I have like, 8 more.”

You think the worst part about this is being lonely. You’re surrounded by comforting friends who try and take you places and get you to have fun but at the end of the night you go home to an empty bed and you wake up in an empty bed.

And every morning without fail, you’ll wake up and reach for him. And every morning without fail, he won’t be there.

#6: He’ll make romantic gestures.

“JJ? Where are you?” You sat up, groggily. He wasn’t in bed, that’s for sure.

“G’morning, lovely,” JJ strolled into your room, carrying a tray. You propped yourself up on the headboard and took it from him.

“Aw, JJ, what is all this?” “Breakfast.” “You made breakfast?”

JJ stole a berry off your plate and popped it in his mouth, nodding. He took a seat near your legs.

JJ can’t cook for shit.

“Baby, it’s okay, it’s the thought that counts, I thought it was sweet!” “Nah, dude, that was shitty, I’m sorry. That bread tasted like a frying pan.” “The berries were good.” “That’s because all I did to them was wash them.”

You hit up another party with your friends. They were the best kind of distraction. You pulled up the green bikini strap that was falling down your shoulders. This was his favorite top.

“Y/l/n!” You heard a voice shout. “Y/n!”

You turned to see who was shouting your name and smiled at John B. “Hey, Routledge, good to see you!” “Hey, Y/n. Look, I know you guys aren’t on talking terms- “John B, no,” You interrupted, but he kept talking over you.

“But, please, Y/n, he won’t talk to anybody and we’re all worried about him.” “I really can’t, I don’t think he- “He’s in the van. Driver’s seat. Thank you!” And then he was gone. You huffed.

You could see the van from here and you could barely make out a figure sitting in the front seat.

You stood there for a second before you forced yourself to get over it and you made your way around dancing teenagers to the van.

You pulled open the door and climbed into the passenger seat. He turned to look at you.

“Hi,” you forced out. This felt uncomfortably unfamiliar. “Hey, Y/n.”

“How are you?” He asked. He was being formal. He was never formal with you.

“Fine, I guess. What about you?”

He said nothing. “Small talk? Is that what we are now? We have to make small talk?” He laughed, exasperated.

“I know you hate small talk.”

“What happened to us?” His eyes are wet, and he doesn’t look at you, just stares straight ahead. “I made a mistake.” You said it out loud. You hadn’t forced yourself to admit it yet. That you were wrong for putting him in this position.

“What?” He turned to look at you.

“I shouldn’t have broken up with you. I think some part of me thought you wouldn’t actually let me do it. That you would fight to make us work.” You shrugged. Your eyes watered up.

“Well, I didn’t want to break up with you.” He spoke quickly.

“What?” Now it was your turn to be confused.

“Of course I never wanted to leave you, Y/n. I love you.” “But you said I was right. And you left.” “I thought that was what you wanted. I want you happy. If that means I have to get out of the picture, then I’m gone. I left because I thought you wanted me to go.”

You scoff. “So, all this time we’ve just been playing ourselves.”

JJ laughs, a wet one. “You know, nobody told me just how fucking useless I was going to be without you.” He finally really looks at you.

There’s a half smile on his face and his eyes are full of tears.

You leap into him, and he meets you halfway. He buries his forehead on your shoulder and his hand is holding the back of your head. “I missed you. I missed you so much, lovely.” He cries into your hair.

#7: He’ll do anything if it means you’re happy.

#outer banks imagine #outer banks #outer banks imagines #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x you #jj imagines #jj outer banks #jj maybank outer banks #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank angst #jj maybank fic #obx imagine #john b routledge #rudy pankow #outer banks fluff #outer banks angst

5K notes · View notes

seastarryclouds · 2 years

Note

Well, hello🧷🤍

I saw your eager request abt some Marcus headcannons (don't worry, I'm not judging you, I'd do the same), and I immediately ran to write this (sheeshh never been so fast).

Okay, everything I would say here will totally debut in my fic, because why not? He deserves it.

His father was an rememberble enforcer (who achieved a good warden position) and that's the reason he joined Piltover's Police Academy/force ;

Initially he was really vulnerable but his father pressured him to "act like a man" and to really commit to the job ;

No, he didn't had a good relationship with him, but he still loved him; on the contrary, his relationship with his mother has a lot better ;

Then, he dedicated for it, and he was really devoted in trying to impress and have everyone's approval, especially his father ;

Grayson noticed this on him, and admired his stubborness in terms of pursuing his goals ;

However, he began to acquire this bad habit- his father being so harsh made him patronizing some noobs ;

Actually, made two best friends there (I'll make them my ocs) and they usually went together to patrol and even going out for lunch. With time, they naturally split their relationship ;

Only had one girlfriend, and that's only because she was the daughter of his father's good friend. Also, she was desperate to slide into his pants, and yeah, she was cute... so Marcus couldn't denied it ;

One evening, Grayson was invited for dinner by his father to commemorate his rise of office (from a cadette officer to an enforcer). That was actually the best night he ever had, despite some of his father comments ;

Time passes, and he became more and more confident in his shoes. Being friends w/ Grayson strengthened his capabilities, and he was super excited when she offered the warden to be his right-hand man ;

Look, something that would piss him off the most is seeing Grayson demostrating the same act of affection towards the noobs, and especially towards this new cadette- Caitlyn ;

Yes, my boi is super jealous and would die for approval ;

Marcus hated his cousins, because they'd always mess up with his coins collection ;

And everytime he showed it to someone, they would absolutely ignore it... ;

His mom gifted him a black german shepherd puppy, and they instantly became best friends!!🐾 He would always go on trails and hikes with her to River Pilt (his favorite place) ;

His favorite workout days were upper body and abs days, but he would always prefer to go for a run in the morning ;

Would never forget to buy coffee for Grayson (he even memorized all her favorite flavors and toppings) ;

No one teached him how to groom, and when the beard began to grow he would immediately shave it BUT he likes his sideburns, because "it accentuates my jawline" ;

At his 20s, his father was killed in a military mission in Zaun. He was shocked and couldn't believe it. The strongest man he knew it's now dead... ;

The last thing he did, was attending to his funeral, but leaving almost before it ended ;

From here, he dived into some addictions like smoking and drinking and he became really spiteful.

Yeah, I have more but I think you got some ideas from this hahah. Thanks for reading so far 💖🌷✨

OHHH MAN I LOVE THESE!!!! Makes me wish we had more backstory on Marcus.

Poor baby, I hate when people are all like “act like a man blah blah blah” like it’s normal to have emotions :(

Mayhaps his s/o could help get his emotions out of him

#arcane headcanon #arcane marcus #ask the cloud #the cloud speaks

12 notes · View notes

angsty-omi · 3 years

Text

second best.

tanaka ryūnosuke x reader; tanaka ryūnosuke x kyoko shimizu

genre: angst, heartbreak, cheating

word count: 1.5k

cw: insecurity

She was beautiful. Her silky black hair, perfect nose, nicely framed glasses, and a cute mole on her chin. Anyone could see it, every volleyball team in the tri-state area attempted to get her number. Kiyoko Shimuzu was her name, and you could not help but see the way your boyfriend looks at her.

The three of you went to school together, since primary. A trio, one would call it ever since the third grade. At recess, kids would say, “It’s no surprise that Y/N, Kiyoko, and Tanaka are all partnered together.” and during a specific game of soccer, you accidentally tripped over the ball and skid your knee. You bit your lip hard, trying not to cry in front of everyone. Your eyes were watery, at the fact that your knee hurt like hell and now everyone was staring at you. To your surprise, Tanaka ran over to you to help you up and guide you to the clinic. When you got there, the nurse sat you down and poured alcohol onto cotton balls. Tanaka offered his hand, and you gripped it lightly, with a slight shade of pink on your cheeks. It was a cute moment until the nurse dabbed onto your joint. Then, you tightly squeezed Tanaka’s hand and screamed some very colorful words. That night, your mom scolded you and sent you straight to your room. While you lay on your bed, you could not help but smile at the event that happened that afternoon. This was the start of your attraction towards Tanaka Ryūnosuke.

When you got to middle school, puberty started to hit you like a truck. The rapid growth of hormones made your face acne-infested. While everyone told you it was normal, you could not help but question why does Kiyoko’s face not look like this then? Her skin was clear and had a nice dew to it. The amount of money spent on drug store products could buy you a whole store. Acne was inevitable, already eating at your brain, and planting their seed called insecurity. Tanaka would always call Kiyoko terms like, ‘gorgeous’ and ‘goddess’ while you had what- ‘funny’? The summer going into high school, you decided to get medical help. Immediately, you were put on accutane. You did not want to see anyone during that whole summer, especially Tanaka. Accutane made your face very dry, crackled, and forced you to put on chapstick every minute. Locking yourself into your room all summer, made you lonely.

Sometimes, you could hear Tanaka and Kiyoko walk by your house and hear them say, “Has Y/N ever responded to your texts? It’s like she’s a ghost.” Tanaka asked.

“Nope, she hasn’t even answered to get our nails done, she must seriously be ghosting us,” Kiyoko responded.

You tear up at the guilt of ignoring your closest friends, but it’s hard when you’re in love with one of them and envious of the other. You did not want your toxic mindset upheld against them, so you justified that it was just for the best.

When fall came around, it was back to school. Your first year. The Accutane, though traumatizing, worked. In addition, being trapped in your room all day introduced you to makeup. Looking in the mirror, you actually started to like what you saw in the mirror. You’ve learned self-care and it paid off. Scanning the sheets on the wall, it looked like Tanaka was in your class and Kiyoko was in the honors one.

“Class 2-B” you read aloud to yourself and sat down at a desk. You left the one seat open next to you, just for Tanaka. When you saw him walk in, your heart skipped a beat. He looked different, in a good way. His hair was shaved, taller, and looked more mature. When you waved over to him, he just glared at you and sat at the seat farthest from you. This made your heart drop. Why was he acting like this? Did I do something? Does he not want to be my friend anymore? Questions rambling in your head. During lunch, you headed over to his desk and pulled the chair behind you to sit down. He just stared at you intently, furrowing his brows signifying anger.

“Ryo-channn, look what I brought,” you gleefully rang, knowing that he would never in a million years refuse your mom’s onigiris. When you took out your bento, you grabbed the onigiri with your hand and put it near his mouth. Still looking at you angrily, he took a bite from the onigiri in your hand and looked away from you.

“What’s wrong?” you worried. He did not respond, so you asked again. “You can’t just act like I don’t exist Ryo, especially if you’re eating from my invisible hand.”

“That’s funny, me acting like YOU don’t exist when you ghosted me for three months? I thought we were best friends, Y/N.” Now, you finally understood why he was so upset. Before you could speak up, there was a knock at the entrance, “Ryo, want to grab lunch together?” Kiyoko said in a monotone voice. It seems that Kiyoko too was also mad at you. You could not help it though, you and Kiyoko were basically sisters up until that summer. “Yeah, let me grab my stuff,” Ryo picked up all his belongings and left you in the dust.

That day, you waited for both of them after practice. Kiyoko was a manager and Tanaka was on the team. Two birds, one stone. When they walked out together, they both saw you. Murmuring to each other. You took a deep breath, “Listen, I’m sorry for not texting you guys back and not spending time with you during the summer. I-it’s just that I felt so i-insecure with myself, I didn’t want to bring you guys down with me y’know?” Tears started welling up in your eyes, you continued, “I would hear you guys talk about me when you passed by my house, and it took everything I had to not just run out and hug you guys. But, I couldn’t. I hated myself for the longest time and I was scared that you two would start to notice it. So, I understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore, but you guys needed an explanation.” You sighed and started to turn around and leave. You fell to your feet, with two bodies tackling you down. “G-guys?” your eyes are still watery. Laughter emitted from their voices, “Don’t do it again or else we will kill you,” Kiyoko threatened.

It was the final set, both teams were tied. Yamaguchi was serving and Aoba Johsai hit it back with ease. The rally probably lasted around a minute, but to everyone, it was slowed down. Until, Tanaka passed the ball to Kageyama, and everyone thought he’d set it Hinata. Instead, he setter dumped. The crowd was silent, not realizing what just happened. Karasuno just won the preliminaries. Every student screamed and chanted at them. You and a couple of other people ran down to congratulate. You ran up to Tanaka’s arms and squeezed him. He swung you around joyfully, and you pulled your face back. There was a moment where it felt like it was just the two of you. The adrenaline of winning finally got to you, and you impulsively kissed him. It lasted maybe around a second or two before you finally realized what you were doing. Mortified, you were rambling with apologies.

“Can you please just forget this ever happen-” he cut you off. Warm lips were pressed onto your lips. You were shocked at first but slowly sunk into the kiss. This was the start of your relationship with Tanaka Ryūnosuke.

Kiyoko never spoke about her feelings about her best friends dating. In fact, she hated it. But it was out of character for her to be so opinionated. She could not stand the fact that you guys would cuddle during movie night nor how he would hold your hand during the walk home. She did not necessarily like Tanaka that way, but she did miss the attention he gave her. Who wouldn’t want someone calling you pretty 24/7? And to reject them was a power move. No one would ever know, but he was the reason why her confidence shot up. The confidence to reject handsome men on different teams. All started because of Tanaka. Although, now that he was with you, the flirting stopped. She could feel herself start to become jealous and it started to infect her brain. During practice, Yachi would gush about how cute you and Tanaka were while Kiyoko just had to listen.

“Y/N is too cute,” Yachi cheesed. Kiyoko couldn't take it anymore, “Listen, I am way prettier than Y/N and Tanaka could do much better” it just slipped out. She was surprised at what she just said, and even more surprised that she didn’t even feel an ounce of guilt.

“Like you?” a voice appeared. It was Tanaka. “R-Ryo,” she muttered. “We should talk outside.”

Once they were both outside, Tanaka spoke first.

“You don’t get to do this. You rejected me countless times and now t-that I’m with someone you can’t just profess your feelings for me.” Tanaka hissed.

“I-I know, it’s just- I didn’t realize what I had until I lost it. Imagine how I feel seeing you guys together, the man I love with someone else. Someone who is inferior to me.” Tears welled up in Kiyoko’s eyes.

“Do you even hear yourself right now? Love? Please. You don’t love me. You never will.” He bit his lip sharply.

Silence.

“Then look at me and tell me you don’t love me. Because not once have you said that you didn’t feel the same way, you only said that you were dating Y/N” Kiyoko sobbed.

“You know I can’t do that,” Tanaka whispered. Then, Kiyoko leeched on him, pressing her lips against his. He wasn’t kissing back, but he wasn’t pulling away either. He was conflicted. He was too dazed and decided to just give in.

Little did they both know, there you were watching at the scene. Well, now you were hiding behind a wall, peeking at them, kissing. You could physically hear your heart-shattering. After wiping the nonstop tears flowing on your face, you left.

Grief turned into anger. You threw every picture, gift, and sweater into the trash bag. Your eyes only saw red. Your room was left bare and cold. The bedroom door knocked in a rhythmic beat that only one person did. When he walked in, his eyes gazed at every spot in your room. It was empty.

You looked down at the ground, “I always knew I was second best in your heart.” You whispered, tears threatening your eyes. “What?” His face contorted in a confused stance. “I should’ve seen it coming y’know? But I just thought maybe— maybe he’d pick me.” You continued. He started getting worried, “What’re you talking about?” The fact that he was here, blatantly lying to you, gives you all the answers you needed.

“Please don’t act like that, not with me”

“Act like what?”

“Clueless. Ry-Tanaka,” you corrected yourself. “If you love her, then go for it. But don’t act like you’re still in love with me. It hurts-” Your voice broke mid-sentence.

“It was a mistake,” He pleaded.

“A mistake? No, mistakes happen impulsively. T-This whole thing with Kiyoko was premeditated. All my life, I have been trying to compete with her. Grades, appearances, and even you. And when I had you, I thought, I had won. I won the best prize ever. You. But now-” You dropped to your knees, “I don’t even have you.”

He wiped your tears with his hands, “But you do, you do have me,”

“No, no I don’t,” you denied.

“Yes you do baby, I’m right here. I choose you.”

You were not some decision, you were his girlfriend and yet, he thought that would make you happier. “Nonono, you don’t get it. I don’t want you anymore. These tears aren’t for you, they’re for me. Seeing you kiss Kiyoko? I felt nothing and that scared me. Maybe I wasn’t in love with you, maybe I just wanted to beat Shimizu that bad. Who knows? But, by the looks of it, I did win. I got to you first.” You punctuated every word, prying his hands off your face. Of course, you were lying your ass off. You’ve loved this man ever since that day in recess. Revenge had poisoned your heart though, and you wanted him to feel an ounce of you were feeling.

“We’re done. There I have let you go, now you are free to do anything you want with Kiyoko. Date her or reject her, it’s not my issue anymore.” Tanaka couldn’t even recognize you anymore. Though it was your voice and your physical look, it was like your soul had been drained, and in replacement was someone who was cold and emotionless.

A/N: I’m back! I’ve fixed my writing style so everything is capitalized properly. Requests are greatly appreciated! Just shoot a message. Also, this story was inspired by my drabble and a person actually asked me to write one for Tanaka, so here you go @aestheticno !

likes & repubs are greatly appreciated. :D

#haikyuu angst #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #tanaka x you #hq tanaka #tanaka angst #hq kiyoko #tanaka fluff

329 notes · View notes

just-dreaming-marvel · 3 years

Text

Out Of Time ~ 140

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 2,325ish

Summary: The Starks receive unexpected visitors, that come with a plan.

Warning: Possible gif overload. Gifs aren’t mine. I just love Tony and Morgan.

Before the small Stark family knew it, it was October of 2023. And their house had become a wonderful home for them.

Morgan was four and almost the spitting image of her father. She was smart like him too. She loved working with her father in his workshop or playing outside in the tent Tony bought for her.

Y/N had got into gardening, especially because they were kind of far away from any grocery store. Tony was a willing helping hand and was slowly becoming a small farm boy. It bought a few small goats, an alpaca, a couple of chickens, two cats, and was planning on getting a dog for Morgan for Christmas.

Steve and Natasha only visited when Tony was gone or Y/N and Morgan went to them. Tony was still struggling to forgive after everything, and Y/N wasn’t willing to push Tony more than he had willingly done himself.

Y/N was currently in the kitchen, making lunch, while Tony was “being helpful”.

“Are these our gojis?” Tony wondered, looking at the bowl of berries.

“They are not,” Y/N answered as she cut tomatoes.

“What’s wrong with ours?”

“Your alpaca ate them all.”

“Oh.”

“All of them.”

Tony laughed, moving to the other side of Y/N. “What a glowing endorsement. First of all Gerald is our alpaca.”

Y/N scoffed out a small chuckle. “He’s not my alpaca if he’s eating my goji’s.”

“Okay.” He grabbed a handful of berries. “They’re gonna be nice in the salad right there, right?”

“No.” Y/N quickly reach over to stop Tony. “Don’t, don’t, don’t!” Tony looked at her with big doe eyes. “Could you put it down?” She gently pushed his arm away. “And get out of my kitchen.”

“Okay.” He turned towards the stove and crashed into some pots. “Whoops.” Trying to bite back a smile, Y/N looked up at the ceiling. “We’re good here, right?”

“Yeah, we’re great.” She got back to chopping. “Tell Madam Secretary that lunch is in five.”

“I will collect our alpha female, posthaste,” Tony replied, before exiting the house.

Y/N couldn’t help but grin as she focused back on the food. She was so lucky. So very lucky.

~~~

Tony walked down the porch steps, clapping out a beat.

“Chow time!” He called out to his daughter, heading towards her little play area. “Maguna?” He sat on a small chair outside of her tent. “Morgan H. Stark. Want some lunch?”

Morgan appeared from the fort with a suit helmet on and a fake suit glove. She had her gloved hand pointed at her father.

“Define lunch or be disintegrated,” she demanded in her young voice.

“Okay,” he ran his fingers down the helmet to the edge. “You should not be wearing that, okay? That is part of a special anniversary gift I’m making for mom.” He kissed the side of the helmet before removing the helmet from Morgan’s head and brushing the hair from her face.

“Okay.”

“There you go. Are you thinking about lunch? Wand a handful of crickets?”

“No,” she laughed.

“That’s what you want.” Tony held up the helmet. “How did you find this?”

“Garage.”

“Really? Were you looking for it?”

“No. I found it, though.”

“You like going to the garage, huh?” Morgan nodded as Tony lifted her up and set her on his hip. “So does daddy. It’s fine actually. Mom never wears anything I buy her.”

As they made their way to the house, a black car pulled up and parked in the driveway. Steve, Natasha, and Scott Lang stepped out as Y/N came out of the house to see what was holding Tony and Morgan up. They all were looking at Tony, who was avoiding Steve’s gaze and gave a slight nod to Natasha.

“Uncle Steve!” Morgan exclaimed, trying to wiggle out of her father’s arms. “Auntie Nat!”

Tony failed to keep her there, and let her run to welcome the guests. Y/N and Tony shared a look. They knew that, since Scott was with them, this wasn’t just a friendly visit. Y/N walked down the porch, to where Morgan was chatting Steve’s ear off in his arms.

“Hey, Mo,” Y/N called to her daughter. “Why don’t we go inside and make drinks for everyone? Then you can talk your uncle’s ear off.”

“Okay,” she sighed, turning to reach Y/N. Y/N took her from Steve.

“Please don’t ask anything stupid of him,” Y/N whispered to Steve. “He’s—we’re finally happy.”

Steve didn’t bother to answer, which Y/N huffed about before heading into the house with Morgan. Tony, Steve, Nat, and Scott gathered on the porch as Morgan and Y/N made drinks inside. Scott was explaining something when Y/N brought a tray of drinks out to Tony. She wished she could hear what they were talking about, but she needed to stay in with Morgan. Y/N watched from the window as she fed Morgan.

“Now, we know what it sounds like—“ Scott said, finishing his story.

“Tony, after everything you’ve seen, is anything really impossible?” Steve interrupted.

“Quantum fluctuation messes with the Planck Scale, which then triggers the Deutsch Proposition. Can we agree on that?” Tony asked, handing out drinks.

“Thank you.”

“In Layman's terms, it means you're not coming home.”

“I did,” Scott said.

“No, you accidentally survived. It's a billion to one cosmic fluke. And now you wanna pull off a... What do you call it?”

“A time heist?”

“Yeah, a time heist. Of course, why didn't we think of this before? Oh, because it's laughable? Because it's a pipedream?”

“The Stones are in the past. We can go back and get them.”

“We can snap our own fingers,” Natasha stated. “We can bring everyone back.”

“Or screw it up worse than he already has, right?” Tony responded.

“I don’t believe we would,” Steve said.

“Gotta say, sometimes I miss that giddy optimism. However, high hopes won't help if there's no logical, tangible way for me to safely execute said time heist. I believe the most likely outcome would be our collective demise.” Tony sat down.

“Not if we strictly follow the rules of time travel,” Scott replied. “That means no talking to our past selves, no betting on sporting events—“

Tony held a hand out. “I’m gonna stop you right there, Scott. Are you seriously telling me that your plan to save the universe is based on Back To The Future?”

“No.”

“Good. You had me worried there. 'Cause that'd be horse shit. That's not how quantum physics works.”

“Tony…” Natasha called. “We have to take a stand.”

“We did stand. And yet, here we are.”

“I know you got a lot on the line. You got a wife, a daughter. But I lost someone very important to me. A lot of people did,” Scott was pleading.

Y/N could see that Tony was getting overwhelmed and she quickly told her daughter to go and save him.

“And now, now we have a chance to bring her back,” Scott continued. “To bring everyone back. And you're telling me that won't even—“

“That’s right, Scott, I won’t even. I got a kid.”

Morgan ran up to Tony, who quickly set her in his lap. “Mommy told me to come and save you,” she said.

“Good job. I’m saved.” Tony stood up, facing his friends. "I wish you'd come here to ask me something else. Anything else. Honestly, I... I missed you guys, it was... Oh, and table's set for six.”

“Tony, I get it. And I'm happy for you and Y/N, I really am. But this is a second chance.”

“I got my second chance right here, Cap. I can't roll the dice again. If you don't talk shop, you can stay for lunch.” He headed inside.

“Talk to Y/N about it. Think it over.”

“No need. We can’t risk this.”

Tony entered the house, holding Morgan close. He went straight into the kitchen to get washed up for lunch. Y/N watched as their three visitors walked back to Steve’s car. Steve looked back at the house, making eye contact with Y/N through the window.

~~~

Tony was quieter than usual the rest of the day. This worried Y/N, but she couldn’t let it get to her. She needed to take care of Morgan. They made dinner together and Tony and Morgan chatted loudly over dinner. He even offered to do the dishes while Y/N tucked in Morgan.

As Tony finished the last of the dishes, he lost hold of the hose, causing water to spray everywhere. Including the small shelves beside the sink that held a photo of Howard and a photo of Tony and Peter. Seeing the photo of Peter slightly wet, Tony grabbed it to dry it off. Looking down he say Peter’s face. He missed that kid so much. He looked up, with a determination he hadn’t felt in a while.

When Y/N came down from tucking in Morgan, Tony was at a table. He was talking to FRIDAY and playing around with a hologram. She knew very well to leave him alone when he was like this, so she grabbed her book and curled up on the couch.

Tony was still going strong about an hour and a half later:

"Look at a mod inspiration, let me see what check out,” he told FRIDAY. “So, recommend one last sim before we pack it in for the night. This time, in the shape of a mobius strip, inverted, please.”

“Processing,” FRIDAY responded.

“Give me that eigenvalue. That, particle factoring, and a spectral decomp. That will take a second.” He stuffed some food in his mouth.

“Just a moment.”

“And don’t worry if it doesn’t pan out. I’m just kinda—“

“Model rendered.”

Tony fell back into a chair, in complete shock and amazement. “Shit!”

“Shit,” Morgan giggled.

Tony turned around to see Morgan sitting on the stairs behind him, large smile on her face.

“Sshhh,” Tony shushed, finger over his mouth. “What are you doing up, little miss?” He whispered.

“Shit,” she repeated.

“No, we don't say that. Only Mommy says that word. She coined it, it belongs to her.”

“Why you up?”

“'Cause I got some important shit going on here.” Morgan raised a brow at her father, not impressed. “What do you think? No, I got something on my mind. I got something on my mind.”

“Was it Juice Pops?”

“Sure was. That’s extortion.” He stood up and took his daughter’s hand. “Great minds think alike. Juice Pops, exactly was on…” Tony looked back at the model before heading to the kitchen with Morgan, “…my mind.”

~~~

“You done?” Tony asked with a smile on his face. Morgan was lying in her bed, finishing a Juice Pop. “Yeah, now you are.” He took the popsicle stick before wiping Morgans lips with his sleeve and pushing her head onto her pillow. “That face goes there.”

“Tell me a story,” Morgan said.

“A story… Once upon a time, Maguna went to bed. The end.”

“That’s a horrible story,” Morgan giggled.

“Come on, that's your favorite story. I love you tons.” He kissed Morgan on the forehead as he stood up.

“I love you 3000.”

Tony grinned, “wow,” he mouthed, putting the popsicle stick in his mouth. He turned off her lamp and headed to the door. “3000. That’s crazy. Go to bed. Or I’ll see all your toys. Night, night.”

Tony shut the door and heading to the living room. Y/N was still curled up reading.

“Not that it's a competition, but she loves me 3000,” Tony stated as he came up to the side of the couch.

“Oh does she now?” Y/N questioned.

“You were somewhere on the low 6 to 900 range.” Y/N scoffed as Tony chewed on the stick and looked at the fireplace. “What are you reading?”

“Oh, it's just a book on composting,” she responded.

“What's new with composting?”

“Just—“

“I figured it out, by the way.”

Y/N looked up at Tony. “You know, just so we're talking about the same thing—“

“Time travel.”

“What? Wow… I… That’s amazing, and… terrifying.”

“That’s right.” Tony sat down on the other end of the couch.

Y/N reached over and squeezed Tony’s shoulder. “We got really lucky.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“A lot of people didn’t.”

“No, I can't help everybody.”

“It sort a seems like you can.”

“Not if I stop. I can put a pin in it right now, and stop.”

“Tony… getting each other to stop has been one of the few failures of our lives.”

He smiled lightly at her. “I sometimes feel I should put it in a locked box and drop it at the bottom of a lake... go to bed.”

“But would you be able to rest? Cause I sure as hell won’t be able to… I’ll stand by your side no matter you choose.”

“You already know what I’ll choose though, don’t you? Cause you’ve seen in.”

“I haven’t seen it… but I know that last fight isn’t the last.”

“I just… I can’t lose you and Morgan.”

“You won’t.” Y/N grabbed Tony’s hand. “We’re going to do this. Together…” She leaned in and kissed him softly. “Your lips taste like Juice Pops,” she giggled against his lips.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Not at all.”

She shook her head before kissing him again, this time more heated. Tony pulled her onto his lap.

“What would you say to grabbing some Juice Pops and taking this upstairs?” Y/N panted slightly.

“I wouldn’t be opposed.” He placed on last kiss on Y/N’s lips before standing them both up. “I’ll grab the pops, meet you up stairs.”

“We have to be quiet though. Last time Morgan almost walked in on us.”

“Oh, don’t worry. FRIDAY won’t let that happen again.”

next chapter >

NOTES: Sorry about the time jump. Please send in requests for one shots or questions you want answered about the missing time. Try to be specific.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

#tony stark x reader #tony stark x rogers!reader #tony stark imagine #marvel x reader #the avengers x reader #avengers x reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x sister!reader #morgan stark x reader #morgan stark #morgan stark x mom!reader #marvel imagine #marvel imagines #tony stark #iron man x reader #iron man imagine

210 notes · View notes