#in terms of treatment (he isn't the very best in this regard

[tbh-entp]

in the final season of this love story with INFJ... 

See below the link if you want my musings.

I think I’ve come to terms with love is not all you need in a relationship! At least for me, there is an aspect of choice and what you’ll accept from someone... which it seems like I’ve always known but hadn’t put it to words until very recently.

INFJ and I went out quite a lot in the past couple of months but it was very ‘situationship’ given that I knew he was coming out of a relationship and wanted to leave the country for a short time. I helped him with his application letters and read thru his letters of rec and when this man finally asked me if we should try again. I was like sir, u tryna leave the country right?

It’s just amazing to me that I really feel that I love him and want to help him but at the same time, I’ve said no to him maybe three or four times since 2020--not including deflecting certain advances. So maybe I wasn’t letting my emotional conscious deal with the fact that my rational conscious did not want him. Also, we hooked up a month or two ago and I was lying there thinking oh wait... I didn’t feel anything? Or maybe it felt like an end. 

So ya! I think I was extrapolating romantic feelings that I had in the beginning of our relationship that had turned platonic. Also I very much know, and knew in 2020, that other than some sexy dramatics, he doesn’t offer me what I want. I think he wants me because he’s lonely. I also don’t really think that he knows what he wants and is chasing something. Meanwhile, I want a best friend and a partner. I also want some kids :). 

I recently met someone kind of great, an ENFJ, who I think was written by a woman (I’ll post abt this fabulous man later maybe idk but this helps me think?), and we’ve been dating for the past month. I broke the news to INFJ, who took it a little hard, and who apparently thought something was going to happen even though he’s moving to East Asia (bruh). I’m very pleased for the progress in any case <3, I’m very happy where I am these days, and I hope INFJ finds what he’s looking for!

[vergess]

A work friend of mine's daughter has recently developed (?) schizophrenia. He seems to like my advice in general, and in particular thinks I gave him helpful advice about handling traumatic experiences he's had, and so talks to me about this a lot. I've tried to give advice along the lines of prioritizing her comfort/well-being/calmness over her "connection to reality" (his words), like not picking arguments over things she says in pursuit of correcting her, similar to taking care of someone with dementia.

Do you have any points I can focus on or resources I can look up to support him and by extension his daughter better? I'm not very familiar with the subject but do know that in looking this up I'm wading through a lot of stuff that's not very supported or with the schizophrenic person's well being and agency in mind.

You're exactly right about the comparison to dementia. Although not nearly as severe an illness, schizophrenia is one of those "redirect not reinforce" conditions.

So, one of the big things you can suggest, especially while the person is in the early period of onset (which can happen over the course of a year at any age, but usually between 20 and 30), is try to help them make plans for the future. Which sounds big and scary, but it mostly consists of honestly going through with them to make lists of the things they enjoy, the things that stress them out, etc. Because there is going to come a time, and it's sooner than anyone wants, where remembering what she finds relaxing will become impossible on her own (at least, during periods of high stress; she may always be able to self regulate in normal conditions).

Schizophrenia often makes people feel deeply afraid and out of control of their own thoughts, which is really scary!!

But your friend's daughter is likely still able to remember what things she enjoyed before the onset of her illness. Whenever she gets too wound up in a fearful delusion, rather than trying to combat the delusion, I suggest redirecting her to one of the things she enjoys, whatever that may be. A hobby, a movie, etc.

It's important that the idea for the redirection initially come from the schizophrenic person themself. This way, you can honestly say, "hey, remember when you said you like X, why don't we try some X together," and it be something reaffirming to the person's sense of control rather than fighting it.

Of course, if the delusion isn't fearful/scary/stressful, the best thing to do is to accept that it is her genuine reality right now, and just work around that belief. No need to start a fight and make it stressful.

Another thing is, and this is MUCH more controversial in the west but I'll go ahead and say it. Another thing is, if the daughter's voices are friendly or kind, to support her engaging with them (if she so chooses). This way if/when her voices become mean she can choose to "disengage" with them as a conscious change. In practical terms, this means if his daughter is ever having conversations with her voices that seem to be in good spirits, to treat that more like she is talking on the phone with someone you don't know, than to treat it as a scary hallucination.

Then, if the voices ever get mean, she can "give them the silent treatment" to help establish a sense of control over them and help her feel like she doesn't have to listen to them.

In a way, it can be good to conceptualize her voices as "influential strangers" and just encourage her to listen to good influences and ignore bad ones.

Finally, depending on where the daughter lives and her support needs, it might be good to get her registered with the healthcare service in your area sooner than later. In the US, a young person with schizophrenia automatically qualifies for medicaid and can also qualify for disability. Both will need to be applied for, and the application process is a byzantine mess.

Especially regarding disability, it is best to hire a lawyer to make your application (they will be paid out of your benefits not your pocket).

As such, if your coworker's daughter is unlikely to be able to live entirely on her own, including job, hygiene, travel, etc it's a good idea to get there registrations started ASAP. That way if the coworker ever becomes sick or when he eventually dies, etc the daughter can be supported.

If the daughter has low support needs and is likely to be able to live on her own (which can and does happen sometimes!! Even with schizophrenia), one of the biggest challenges she's going to face in the long term is going to the doctor.

Not only are doctors deeply, deeply scary to the mentally ill in the west (for good reason!), which makes doctors a prime target for delusions of fear and abuse. But also delusional thinking can interfere with a person's ability to identify their own body sensations.

EG, it is very common for schizophrenics to "be really angry and not know why" and it turns out it's because they have a UTI but couldn't feel it due to delusions. In fact, it's so common that one of the first things we do at work when a client is very upset like that, is ask them if they have been peeing more often (the answer is usually 'yes').

A huge part of the reason people with schizophrenia die young is the inability to tell when they are sick, followed by feeling unsafe going to the doctor.

Ultimately, the biggest thing to remember is that no matter how stressed or scared you are as a carer, the person with the illness is just as of more stressed. They aren't fighting you, they're fighting terror. Remembering that can make the intense demands of caring for someone with higher support needs less draining.

The second biggest thing is to remember to take time for yourself, because if you burn out as a carer, then you've left your kid without support for potentially months or years, and that's pretty bad compared to having them go to a fun adult program like a summer camp every day for a month while you recover.

Finally: there are more programs for schizophrenia support than you think. Even in my rural bumfuck town of 3000, we have two (2) different programs, including a year round day program that operates 5 days a week and takes walk ins.

Your coworker does not have to take care of his daughter alone. Support exists.

[rinneverse]

ㅤ.ೃ࿐ 𝐎𝐀𝐊𝐈𝐄'𝐒 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐒 ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ yeah, i'm indulging myself. idc if not a single person cares because I CARE!!! here are all my selfships in no particular order, hehe

જ⁀➴ 𝒐𝒂𝒌𝒇𝒖𝒚𝒖 ₊˚ෆ

— oak x chifuyu matsuno

highschool sweethearts, fleeting kisses and passing notes, lipstick stains and oversized hoodies, cuddling by the fire and sharing a hot cocoa, pressed flowers and polaroids, co-parenting a whole zoo of animals together, learning basic first-aid in a panic when chifuyu comes home beaten and bruised after gang activities...

જ⁀➴ 𝒐𝒂𝒌𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒅𝒆 ₊˚ෆ

— oak x bladie

partners in crime, bandaging eachother's wounds, "i would die for you" taken very literally, grumpy x sunshine, two wrongs will sometimes make a right, pestering blade so much he can't help but fall in love, somehow a wolf and bunny fall for eachother and make it work, she falls first but he falls harder

જ⁀➴ 𝒉𝒂𝒋𝒊𝒐𝒂𝒌 ₊˚ෆ

— oak x iwaizumi hajime

childhood friends to lovers, princess treatment, brother’s best friend, home cooked dinners and staying in to watch a movie as a date, morning kisses and sleeping in on the weekends, those pushups where every time you go down, you get to give your partner a kiss; going to the gym together and pushing eachother to be better

જ⁀➴ 𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒂𝒌 ₊˚ෆ

— oak x suna rintaro

couples who talk shit together stay together, team manager!oak x pro player suna :>, expensive gifts and glittering necklaces, an anklet with his initials, cheering for him at games and getting dicked down in the locker rooms after, being private but not secret on social media

જ⁀➴ 𝒐𝒂𝒌𝒋𝒂𝒙 ₊˚ෆ

— oak x tartaglia

looks like could kill u, is actually a cinnamon roll x looks like a cinnamon roll, could actually kill u; found family, a princess and her bodyguard, he would genuinely kill for me i'm not even kidding, dumb and dumber, stupid idiots pining to stupid idiots in love, scary dog privilege galore

જ⁀➴ 𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒂𝒌 ₊˚ෆ

— oak x alhaitham

getting put on a research project together and reluctantly becoming friends, forced proximity, eventually falling in love when i realize hey.. this guy really isn't so bad (maybe just a little bit haughty, but when you're alhaitham it's a little bit deserved to be that way), reading books together by the fire, always getting third-wheeled by kaveh, alhaitham is emotionally constipated but with me, he slowly learns that opening up is okay.

જ⁀➴ 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒂𝒌 ₊˚ෆ

— oak x scaramouche

i hate everyone but you, enemies/rivals to lovers, we may be broken but we are still capable of love, healing together, late night study dates and far too many coffees, being haters together, dumbass used as a term of endearment, very intense fights and even more intense love, two freaks who don't know how to handle their emotions learn how to do so together

જ⁀➴𝒐𝒂𝒌𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒆 ₊˚ෆ

— oak x aventurine

two lost and weary souls finding a home in eachother, holding aven and comforting eachother through our nightmares, making bets on silly little things (and lets be real: i lose, majority of the time), luxurious gifts and constantly being spoiled with extravagant dates, beating the shit out of him constantly for gambling his life and having no regard for his self-preservation (but not telling him i was worried because my pride. he knows, though).

જ⁀➴ 𝒐𝒂𝒌𝒌𝒐𝒕𝒔𝒖 ₊˚ෆ

— oak x yuta okkotsu

two bumbling flustered idiots in love, everyone around us knows we like eachother EXCEPT for us, i'm so serious the entire friend group has to shove us together for us to realize, being eachother's first (and last) everything, cafe dates and sharing the sweetest of desserts, constantly gossiping together

જ⁀➴ 𝒐𝒂𝒌𝒊 ₊˚ෆ

— oak x aki hayakawa

princess treatment galore, long late night drives together, being taken care of after years of being the caretaker (and it goes both ways), aquarium dates and shark plushies, lounging on the balcony of his apartment and smoking together, being a happy little hayakawa family because nothing bad ever happens in chainsaw man. trust.

જ⁀➴ 𝒐𝒂𝒌𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒍 ₊˚ෆ

— oak x boothill

this is truly my good girl x bad boy fantasy im so serious, shy girl x boldest boyfriend in the west, boothill teaches me how to shoot, more tba im tipsy rn but i wanted him in here NEOOWW

જ⁀➴ 𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒂𝒌 ₊˚ෆ

— dr. ratio x oak x aventurine

arguably my most selfish selfship yet, but that’s the name of the game baby!, once again princess treatment galore, stay-at-home dates and (reluctant, on ratio's end) cuddle piles, aventurine lowkey becomes a sugar daddy basically, babysitter x dumb x even dumber, being their trophy girlfriend is a full time job (but i wouldn’t have it any other way), late night deep talks nestled together, reading in bed with ratio while aventurine yaps away about his schemes

there's so many. i'm not sorry. find my selfshippy blog here!!

[quirofiliac]

kira doesn't like children. this is simply a fact of life; it'll never change and is most certainly not up for debate. kira yoshikage isn't good with children and has come to terms with that quite easily.

he's never understood the desires of those around him-- claiming that it's a "biological need" or that children are "the future". it's never appealed to him and, whenever he's in earshot of such assertions, found himself pushing back more and more as time went on. children, to kira, are both people and "things" simultaneously. he doesn't see the point in handling them with (this is a bit of an unintentional pun... or was it better said as wordplay?) "kid gloves" and always regards them like he would an adult. this is only when he's forced -- which is rare but not entirely absent -- to, however.

his parents, especially his mother, have always wanted a child. kira just so happened to be that very child. it remains unclear to him if he were ever intended to have any siblings (he suspects they would've been absorbed in the womb.) as neither his mother nor his father made any further attempts after his birth. his mother, especially... kimiko-- oh, dear, sweet kimiko? her tender heart's too delicate! it'd probably shatter if she'd have to suffer through another complication!

no, the thought alone was already too much for her. her loving, caring husband, yoshihiro, too... he would never let the thought cross his mind for any longer than a second. kira was their "miracle child", and they'd like to keep it that way.

with those little anecdotes in mind, kira himself never quite managed to grasp the importance of children. even when he was spoiled day in and day out by his parents on sheer principle of being their child, he's always found it difficult to acclimate. their attention was, at best, stifling and, at worst, absolutely overwhelming and suffocating. he wondered if all parents did that, especially to his fellow classmates (and then, much later, his coworkers.) who strove for straight A's and perfect attendance.

it didn't take long for him to realize that that wasn't the case.

children are not beings that require any sort of special treatment. kira views them as a "commodity" of sort-- they are dirty, loud, and oftentimes... destructive. he doesn't necessarily view them as an unimportant variable within life (to do so would diminish his own existence as one. and that was merely too existential for an average guy like himself to ponder on.) but would never consider them as a "higher priority" like so many in society do. he does not view them as exempt from responsibility nor does he fathom why so many adults -- you'd think they'd know better... -- are privy to protect them.

when he was a child, his parents never bothered to properly discipline him. it wasn't standard within the household, mostly due to kira's own behavior. he was what many would call a "good kid", a boy that "kept to himself" and a boy that "did as he was told". he never thought of it as imperative to "act out". weighing the pros and cons of "acting out" always steered him in the proper direction: peace and quiet versus crowding and unnecessary attention... it's no surprise what eventually (no, that's a hyperbole. it wasn't "eventually"... kira knew immediately.) won out in the end.

kira's of the opinion, however, that had he lashed out as a child? he most likely would've deserved a beating. corporal punishment to him isn't up for debate-- it simply was a route that more parents should take. too many parents (mothers especially.) were afraid of hurting their precious, little baby's feelings... it got under kira's skin in a way he didn't think possible.

hearing a baby cry in the store, at least three-to-five aisles down, wasn't a mere inconvenience. instead, it was a disruption. plain and simple. kira views parents (why should he care about their situation? that was their choice and their choice alone.) as the catalyst of a child's behavior. it's no mistake that this logic, bizarrely, does not apply to him because, again, kira's never had to go through it. he was privileged compared to many other children, and he recognizes this fact but doesn't intend on "acting" upon it. since birth, he knew exactly how to act and when to act.

his parents, while undoubtedly flawed people, raised kira with the best of intentions. there's no argument as to why he's never received discipline... it's simply because he's never done anything to deserve it.

he's unable to say the rest for kids and their ilk. teenagers were not exempt from that and were, in fact, held up to even higher standards. whereas children could maybe get off with the excuse of being "underdeveloped", teenagers were grown. they should know better and yet insist on behaving the total opposite. it's frustrating for him, time again and again, to witness with seemingly no disciplinary actions in place.

after all, why should he be the one to "take care" of someone else's children? by that point, it's safer to assume that they shouldn't have had kids in the first place. kira has no problem whatsoever in testing (and, of course, proving it.) this theory, either.

[imperiuswrecked]

Different anon, but yeah, thank you so much. You took the time to inform the fandom. You shouldn't be a target. I'm sorry you feel overwhelmed, it has been an emotionally tiring situation to everyone involved, even if we were just watching. Take care!

Thank you, fandoms that follow actors of color unfortunately get the worst of the racism and actors aren't given the same treatment as white actors, look at how Erza was running around harming people and his movie still went forward meanwhile people on twitter are already crying that Tenoch is a monster and needs to be recast with (surprise, surprise) a whiter actor, and the harassment spills back on the fans which is why having a non-toxic environment and being able to discuss things calmly is important. As is not giving a voice to the racists, and I can handle a few snarky remarks from anons, but the fans on twitter got the worst of it. It's mostly the sheer amount of hate on either side and the nasty side of humanity that's gotten to me but I will be fine, in time.

As it currently stands Tenoch isn't being accused of being a Rapist, because he isn't one (unless some new information comes to light, etc.) while he might be a bad boyfriend/lover if people believe Elena's accusations, that is a very different thing than what Elena implied at the start which led to all the toxicity. PoC aren't perfect, but when in the public eye, people are more willing to believe the worst of them. Once again, I'm not condoning or excusing the alleged actions.

And I should note that while I don't believe in there being the "perfect victim" bc a victim is a victim, Elena is being formally charged for another crime that deals in blackmail/threatening another with false accusations, and I don't know all the details but this journalist on twitter has been covering the last week pretty well, and she had once done an interview with Tenoch in the past. The term Media Lynching of Tenoch was used in regards to this situation and I think that describes it best.

Anyways, I'm glad many fans found my long posts useful and thanks again for the well wishes.

[princeescaluswords]

I need to thank you for opening my eyes to something as well as showcase reading a point of view matters, even if one doesn't realize it. The Stiles as the main character stories has flooded ao3 so much that when I started my own W.I.P I didn't even question the elimination of Scott. And even when I added him I didn't question my dismissal of him as important. Becoming a member of the Scott defense squad I see now that that is a very bad way to go. Even if the focus gets sift to Stiles as a main character it does not take away the fact that the main character is the main character and has importance. And unfortunately a trinkle down effect of reading so many stories that tell a particular story It causes the readers to have a mindset of what a character is like even if they don't realize why that character was written that way in the original piece that portrayed him that way. And even worse when they don't take in the source material it paints a picture that doesn't showcase the character in the best light. Even though I saw the source material and loved it It did not stop me from going down this route because of everything that I had read. So again I thank you, and the rest of the defense squad for opening my eyes.

Let me make things perfectly clear: there is absolutely nothing wrong with writing a Stiles-centric story. There are no ships involving Stiles that should not be written or explored. My involvement with End Racism on the OTW isn't because Stiles will never be my favorite character. It's because there is a vast majority of people who claim to be Stiles fans, Derek fans, Sterek fans, Steter fans, or fans of any other ship which involves white characters who are not actually motivated by those characters but instead by racist fury because Teen Wolf never pretended to be anything other than a story about a Latino teenager.

It's not about one story. It's about all of them together. It's about the fact that the OTW's policies for AO3 aid and abet a large part of my fandom to indulge in racist fantasies without regard to the parts of the fandom damaged by it, and they do so by hiding behind a screen of polite indifference and pearl-clutching about freedom. And from everything I've read and seen, it's not just my fandom.

Teen Wolf is simply the fandom in which I witnessed it. Look at that picture up there from Night School (1x07). It's a pretty classic horror shot, no? Now think of the majority of stories on AO3 where

Peter's murder sprees and selfishness are excused because of the fire.

Derek's terrible decision making and massive trust issues are excused because of what Kate Argent did to him.

Stiles's lies and outbursts are excused because of his mother's death and the nogitsune.

Isaac's brutality and indifference are excused because of his treatment by his father.

Yet, Scott is dismissed as 'whiny' and 'ungrateful' because he didn't immediately see being a werewolf as a positive thing. There was an untagged story yesterday which has Stiles wishing Scott would get his head out of ass and realize all that being a werewolf had done to him was cure his asthma, get a girlfriend and make first line.

What's the difference between these five characters? This isn't one story, or ten stories, or a hundred stories, but literally thousands of stories that contain these tropes.

Hey, remember when Peter literally beat Derek into submission and savaged Lydia to get Stiles to cooperate?

Remember when Derek tried to murder Lydia for something she didn't do and drive Isaac away by throwing glass at his head?

Remember when Talia Hale covered up her brother's and son's involvement in the death of a young girl and badgered a woman to carry her child to term?

Remember when Scott told Stiles that it was wrong to kill the victim of a mad scientist's experiments and lying about it and maybe he should go talk to his dad?

And yet, I can guarantee you that there is only one of those four alphas who is portrayed consistently as an obtuse tyrant. (Hint: it's not the white ones) And this isn't one story, or ten stories, or a hundred stories, but literally thousands of stories that contain these tropes.

And it's not just the lead. Let's take a look at how the fandom treats secondary characters on AO3:

Talia Hale (1 episode): 5190 stories

Laura Hale (2 episodes): 8760 stories

Jenna Geyer (mentioned once; name is fandom generated): 617

Claudia Stilinski (1 episode; impersonated for 8 episodes): 3079

Derek Hale's Father (never appeared or mentioned): 843

Noshiko Yukimura (16 episodes): 470

Ken Yukimura (20 episodes): 261

Satomi Ito (3 episodes): 284

David Geyer (5 episodes): 351

See a pattern? You should. As I said, it's not one story, it's thousands.

No one's saying that you or anyone else shouldn't write fictions that focus on Stiles or Sterek or even stories where Scott is a terrible person. It's the trends. If transformation is what AO3 and OTW tout as their purpose, and that transformation is about variety and exploration, why is it always the white characters that get the benefit of it? When it comes to transformation, why do characters of color get erased, caricatured, or robbed of their narrative roles?

Don't tell me that it isn't damaging.

Do you know how many times I've encountered a person who entered Teen Wolf fandom through AO3 and Tumblr who believed that the characters of color are either terrible (such as Scott and Deaton and Braeden) or unimportant (such as Boyd or Mason or the Yukimuras)? More than I or anyone else should be comfortable with. But this is part of the mechanism. There aren't little racism fairies that visit people in their sleep; it's not a bacterial infection; it's not the work of a secret cabal. Cultural racism is maintained by institutions, and it is transmitted by institutions, and this is one example. OTW and AO3 are two such institutions.

Thanks for writing. I'll take what you told me as a compliment.

[avelera]

One last note for any readers of "Come live with me..." but just because I like to drag Dream (a fictional character) for his treatment of Hob, doesn't mean the story is set up to be some gleeful torture-fest of Dream. I'm not Burgess ;P

The genre of the story is romance, with some shades of period romance and romantic comedy. It's also, like all of my works, something I try to put the full weight of my experience as a writer into. That means there's going to be conflict. There's going to be turning points. There's going to be lessons learned by the characters.

(Cut for spoilers and my own rambling)

Yes, I personally think the fishbowl prison of Burgess was excessive, but Dream did need some kind of lesson in humility, particularly regarding his treatment of his loved ones. It isn't conjecture to say the narrative agrees with me, the TV show in particular is built around Dream dealing with his trauma and waking up to the fact he has people who care about him and he needs to learn to do better by them. It's a very sympathetic story, Dream breaks my heart along his journey, but the Dream we see in 1889 is not the Dream we see in the final episode who is calling Hob his friend and delegating power to Lucienne because he finally acknowledges her competence and his own limitations.

In "Come live with me..." at least for me, I don't have much interest in 1889 Dream getting a relationship with Hob besides maybe a mutually enjoyable physical one. I don't think he has the maturity at that point for more, not if he doesn't learn how to respect his partners. I'm treating him as a human here, not as an eldritch being. the nice thing about stories though is he's not static in my story either. In "Come live with me" I can move Dream closer to being the person he is post-Burgess imprisonment, but in a much gentler way.

And the thing is, in the fic, he is learning. Dream has been learning this whole time, subtly, about what he means to Hob. What, Hob means to him. The impact he has had on Hob over the years. (Yes, all of these lessons are around being in a relationship, because this is a romance, not a coming of age story.)

He is learning other lessons too. That Hob has his own appealing skills he's developed over the years. That Hob is desirable to others. That Hob has dropped everything for Dream even though he didn't have to. That Hob has had his heart open to Dream despite Dream's treatment, which was at times apathetic or callous by turns. That Hob cares about him, as a friend, as a lover, and as a singular fixed point in his life when he loses everyone else. Yes, I'm more sympathetic to Hob here but in fairness, Hob hasn't done anything to Dream that would warrant not viewing him sympathetically. Dream has, at the very least, been rude to Hob on multiple occasions.

These things are changing Dream's perspective. He is growing before our eyes.

Susan's point was rude but it wasn't untrue and it was something he needed to hear and that only someone antagonistic towards Dream would be rude enough to say in such blunt terms, which is what he needed to hear. However, it was a cruel interpretation. And Hob's interpretation is not nearly as cruel. Hob is our POV character. He is going to add nuance to this discussion that Dream's antagonists would not. He's going to factor in forgiveness, and grace, and growing as a person, and being able to change because Hob has recently learned a harsh lesson about these things. And most importantly, Hob loves Dream, this story is about love, and confronting the fact you hurt someone you love is a very important part of not just being in a relationship based on physical attraction but actually staying in one that completes you in all the best ways.

Dream has the opportunity to fix this. I believe he has it in him. I wouldn't ship him with Hob if I didn't. I don't think Hob is perfect either, but I don't think Hob's flaws are in relation to Dream. Hob's defining qualities are resilience and being a flawed human who just happens to live forever. He's going to make mistakes too. He's going to try to make less of them with Dream because Dream is, quite literally, the most important living person in his life.

Ultimately, I hope people will stick around, because Ch. 4 is an inciting incident. It's a bump in the road. It's a turning point. And I still don't think any of you have predicted what actually happens next ;)

[arvensimp]

Oh... Hi, is me again, I sent an ask about a delicate topic of a surgery not long ago... I was so hopeless when I sent the ask, and didn't think much of it, I was waiting for the third opinion of what to do with my current health state and the new doctor game me hope! We can't discard the surgery but overall is the last resource for him and wants to keep doing lab tests and such ;v; My idea still reminds of Arven looking after their special one in a delicate situation but... Well, wanted to share the news. Keep the awesome writing!

Hi there! I'm glad you've enjoyed my writing and am really sorry to hear about your situation!! I hope that things keep getting better as is possible and that your recovery is stress free and quick!!

I hope you enjoy how this is written; I don't know much about your specific case, but I can write from my own experience as someone who lives with several chronic illnesses. While I know this isn't the exact same as what you're going through, I hope it can speak some to your experience and give you some relief?

-

Arven x reader, no gendered pronouns used

--

Generally speaking, vows of staying together "in sickness and in health" usually wait until weddings. Of course, a good partner is one who acts on such a vow before it is ever made.

In the grand scheme of things, your suffering beforehand doesn't feel as important to you once a diagnosis and treatment plan are made and decided upon. Or maybe that's just a stress response? It's hard to say. While the suffering leaves its own unique scars upon your heart and body, visible or not, there's a sort of grief mixed with the relief in finally knowing what's wrong. It can almost feel like an admission of defeat.

The diagnosis and subsequent planning process almost seem like an anesthetic. Maybe that helps with the grief? You're not totally sure. There eventually comes a point where you more or less nod along with what the doctors have to say, trusting that they know what's best in your case. At least now they've put a name to the faceless evil that's been ravaging your body.

Arven does as best as he can to support you every step of the way. At many times, he's brought back to his memories of the time with Mabosstiff before the herba mystica. He never wants to feel that useless again for someone so dear, so he throws himself headfirst into what can do for your care.

If it's staying up late dealing with pain, he's there to wipe your tears and stay with you. If you need reminders of medications to take, he's got alarms set on his phone. Of course, he's also feeding you as much as he can as often as he can. It's his love language. If there are any special dietary concerns, he is more than on it and is in fact more than excited to learn how to make delicious foods for you within given parameters.

After all is said and done regarding your treatment plan, the two of you discuss the long term ramifications of what must happen; Arven mourns along with you for whatever losses have to be faced.

It's an inevitability that from time to time he gets a bit overbearing in his attempts to care for you, be it in monitoring what you eat too closely or trying to make decisions for you. Arven is the sort of man who has had such little control in his life until now that the urge to be in charge of it all can very easily overwhelm him. As frustrating as it is, he'll definitely back off when told to do so. He may be grumpy for a bit, but he can sort himself out. Apologies from him will usually come in the form of food prepared for you without asking or acts of services completely wordlessly.

At the end of the day, he just wants you to know that he's there, and he loves you no matter what, in sickness and health.

[peachiseas]

I would like to hear about the side character treatment too please... I do remember feeling like there weren't enough reactions on both sides. I think the MC being quiet didn't bother me too much because I usually pick the quiet/shy options, but there were definitely more moments where I wish they could have talked or like... the ice cream moment broken up over suddenly 21 questions while eating ice cream.

Derek's DLC always makes me cry due to the fact that I struggle with his exact issue a lot even now and do not know how to not overwork myself or always put everyone else first so it always ends up hitting a bit too close to home oops

I adore Derek's struggle and like thematics in his DLC, especially in a time where everything is super uncertain and no one I know my age are feeling fulfilled especially with their college experiences. Imo its genuinely just so good and handled so well, and his family + Liz are my favorite batch of side characters just from how developed they are and how much they care for Derek and the MC respectively. (Very long post ahead bout side characters underneath the readmore)

That being said, Baxter's DLC side characters... to put it simply, Miranda and Terry were done extremely dirty in the DLC that was supposed to have them feature as supporting characters. We barely get any noteworthy character development with them beyond the redundant one note "oh they like each other but haven't said anything about it" which was the same plotline before the DLC was even worked on. And then when you think Step 4 we're going to see their motivations outside the basic one note "we like each other" plotline, they get their roles essentially replaced with Jude and Scott who we are supposed to care as much for despite the fact we don't know much of anything about them until step 4 and even then their both still one note. Xavier was there to egg on Baxter and MC scenarios but the whole thing falls flat if your MC isn't on good terms with Baxter, it reads like once again an overstep on boundaries.

With Jorge and Nico, you got to know them but you also saw them grow Outside of the mc and see them develop their own hobbies, fashion sense and different views on the world. Nico can straight up not like the MC but explains his reasoning and put that ill will behind him and it is Believable. Jorge has issues with being the middle child and that feeling of neglect in comparison to his younger brother and that whole fight was just excellent writing because you see so much development and plotlines come to a head that when they make up, it feels Satisfying. I think that became a staple in regards to Our Life characters, you expect the characters to be well written because most of the time they are!

But what do we know about Miranda beyond her basic occupation and one hobby? How does she feel about Jude and Scott arguing? How does she feel about Baxter beyond the mc? Does she disapprove of him now? It is one thing to write characters who are more quiet and reserved but it's another thing to make a bare bones character and equate no character development to being shy. Miranda is a nothing character and it's so weird that her brother gets more personality than she does and he's only in one step.

But Terry is so much worse in comparison, we get Terry accidentally making jokes at the MC's own expense which is such an insane thought to me because he should be far more aware of any potential issues because from what was written in his lackluster parts in step 3, he is hyperaware of societal norms and what should be said and what shouldn't. There is no care for Terry at all and we still know absolutely NOTHING about him beyond the fact he's the friend who has a van, has a girlfriend, is Cove's best friend and is a lifeguard. He has no motives, he doesn't actually have any narrative reason to be in Baxter's DLC beyond the fact that Miranda likes him. You could replace Terry's entire presence in step 3 and 4 with Cove or Derek and nothing would change whatsoever. I think it’s even worse considering he’s the first explicitly trans character in game and the only black trans character in the game. It felt like they didn’t even try.

In fact, that's the main issue with the entire set of supporting cast in this DLC. You could replace them and nothing would change, they are just there to waste play time and prop up Baxter to make him look good but they have no character development or plot development at all! You have Jorge, Nico and hell, even Liz had so much development in Derek's DLC that it felt organic to them! But we see none of this with any of the supporting characters in the cast, especially Miranda and Terry who deserved far more than just a forced plotline about having a trip together just so you can Once again have Baxter come in and be the good guy so the MC can't help but feel like he's becoming a better person! They are just shells of what little characters they already were and it's just so transparent that the devs thought diversity quota first and character development second when writing them that it's so disappointing having it be so full force in this DLC.

[leam1983]

On Expectations

So, Amazon's showrunners for The Rings of Power got the Hall H treatment, and if you listen to fan portals for all things LOTR and Middle-Earth Entreprises, things fell apart as soon as they tried to detail their approach regarding the Harfoots. In clearer terms, there's several clues listed very early on in The Fellowship of the Ring that position the Harfoots not as a sort of genetic precedessor to Hobbits, but just as an earlier form of Hobbit culture.

If you're a casual fan like me, or someone who reads Tolkien without defining their entire sense of Self through the books' offered medium, this should probably be something that has you shrug and move on. TV producers butchering the material for something more easily compacted into a limited-release series was to be expected, but a number of clickbait portals are rife with truly noxious crap. I've seen someone who more than definitely needs to touch grass mention that "It's being worked on by Marxists, the only thing these people respect is Communism."

Um... Power to the people, I guess? Seize the means of, er, video production?

Jokes aside, I don't think anyone set out to debase Tolkien, but after the Middle-Earth games and the Shadow of duology and the upcoming release of Daedalic's Gollum, you'd figure the fans would've caught on to the fact that Tolkien isn't easily transposed to other mediums. He's easily adapted, but adaptations require some leeway. This, unsurprisingly, comes after the producers fired their Tolkien scholar for more or less putting their feet up to the coals, a clear sign that there's interior strife based on how closely the legendarium should be followed.

My take on things is as follows: don't like it? Don't watch it. It's that simple. In the best case, you're left with people coming in from the Peej movies who dip the toe in the Second Age and later on end up picking the books up. They'll serve as gateway drugs, and that's something any celebrated Pop Culture vector should pride itself on having.

That said, we all know there's going to be hate-watch parties planned, and YouTube arbitrators of class and truth foaming at the mouth to list "the latest episode's travesties", as if Amazon had produced a series justifying genocide or arguing in favor of racial extermination...

Just - don't bother giving these people any fuel. Life isn't worth this much negativity, no matter how much Tolkien means to you, personally.

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

I know you've given some Japanese literature recs in the past but do you have any other books you recommend or maybe just personally enjoyed reading?They don't have to be only Japanese authors, really just anything you've enjoyed reading.

I answered a question about favorite books in the past and then took it down a few hours later in a fit of paranoia, haha. The terrifying ordeal of (one's favorite books) being known. But book recommendations or books one enjoys reading are a slightly different matter (lord knows I do NOT enjoy reading or recommend some of my favorite books), so I can give it a go.

Under a cut for length

The Once and Future King by T. H. White. My favorite book and one I will recommend to almost everyone. TOaFK is a collection of four smaller books (with a fifth "sequel", The Book of Merlin, that I think works best as a standalone, as most of the best bits have been retroactively added into the first book anyway) that retell the story of King Arthur from an anarchistic viewpoint as Arthur grows up and struggles to understand the causes of human suffering and warfare. Some portions of the books are beautifully witty and fun while other portions are deeply sentimental and heartbreaking. TOaFK humanizes these legendary, larger than life figures like no other adaptation of Arthur I've ever read before. Despite being very much written as response to WWII, it reads as a response to the human condition, no matter the age. It explains the answer to ending violence and also explains why this is fundamentally impossible in the same breath. A beautiful, brutal book. I am not blind to its faults (its treatment of the female characters, particularly Guinevere, is a bit lackluster, and there are some issues with anti-Scottish sentiments), but I love it to death and think it is very much worth your time.

Tangerine by Edward Bloor. This is a kid's book but one that I think holds up well even into adulthood. Following a visually handicapped boy as he moves to a new, primarily white suburb on the edge of a Black and Hispanic neighborhood and learns to navigate in his new life and new communities, this novel discusses the concepts of things hidden in plain sight that everyone refuses to see.

David Doesn't Get It by Vi Cao. This isn't a mainstream book at all - it's a bound collection of webcomics - but fuck it, I'm going to recommend it anyway. You can read it here on Webtoon as the author adds more comics from her backlog over time. DDGI is a diary/essay webcomic by the fictional character David Nguyen as he talks about his struggles to assimilate with the world, particularly in regards to asexuality, generational trauma and cycles of abuse, and family life as a Vietnamese-American. Along the way, his other family members and loved ones offer their own stories and experiences. I barely cry these days, but DDGI is one of the few things that makes me sob every time. Vi's writing and delivery are transcendentally good, and I'm incredibly grateful that I've been able to talk with her and have her writing as a part of my life. The first few comics can be a bit crass and feel a little outdated, but going in for the long haul is completely worth it imo.

The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky. I am a shameless Dostoevsky fan, and normally I'd recommend The Brothers Karamazov, but there is just... something so charming about The Idiot that I am going to stick it on this list instead. Idiot follows a naive, innocent to the point of foolishness man returning to Russia from a long stay in a Swiss sanatorium whereupon he ends up in a love triangle due to his own naive actions. A very interesting look at different flavors of love and how they intersect with pity. In terms of translations... I am not terribly fond of Pevear and Volokhonsky (which I mention because they're usually the easiest to find in bookstores)... although your preferences may certainly differ.

A Scanner Darkly by Philip K. Dick. This is pushing the definition of an enjoyable book slightly, but PKD produces some of the best interpretations of psychosis I've ever read (at least, they're similar enough to my experiences and thought processes that I find them compelling), and this is... one of the more straightforward ones, shall we say. Scanner focuses heavily on the concept of paranoia and being watched and does an amazingly accurate job of depicting the "braindead" states of drug-induced (or otherwise) psychosis.

Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman. I find Gaiman entertaining almost all of the time, but Anansi Boys is my favorite of his works. It's like if American Gods was funny. Taking place in the same universe as American Gods, actually, Anansi Boys follows two brothers Charlie and Spider as they attempt to deal with the death of their father, the trickster god Anansi, and their sudden reintroduction into each other's lives after an entire lifetime spent apart. Hilariously written.

Catch-22 by Joseph Heller. Heller is one of my favorite authors, but I wouldn't usually classify him as an enjoyable read. Catch-22 is, perhaps, an exception to that. Skirting around the reasons why I like it, which are a bit too personal for comfort, Catch-22 describes a ridiculous platoon of soldiers attempting to cope with the ridiculousness of warfare in a way that is generally humorous up until a string of deaths near the last third of the book.

The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro. God, I love Ishiguro's writing, and I feel like this novel is one of his strongest. It's certainly my favorite to read. Remains tracks an aging British butler on a trip through the English countryside (the scenery descriptions are heavenly) as he recounts the major moments of disappointment and pride in his career; however, readers soon discover he's a rather unreliable narrator and understand that there is a lot more regret below the surface than first appears. Ishiguro is very, very good at writing stories about nostalgic melancholy, failed men, and failed states that once thought themselves great. This one is, I think, the most narratively succinct of all of them.

Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones. Man, I love Diana Wynne Jones. I read tons of her stuff as a kid. I'm recommending this one not because it's a favorite, per se (I think I like her Chrestomanci series more), but because it's very well-known and is self-contained in a way many of her things aren't. HMC is quite different from the movie version, but if you liked the scenes of Sophie and Howl bitching at each other, then you will love this. It is a book entirely comprised of bitching. Howl has a car and drives like a fucking maniac. Howl is a wreck. So is Sophie, but in a completely different way. Calcifer is still great. Funny, lovely, lots of delightful background characters, nobody is a sexy anime boy but everyone has a good time.

Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell. The writing styles of this book... are a feast. This book is a delightful treat to read. It is a series of 6 slightly interconnected stories that nest within one another, held together by the common thread of a piece of music called The Cloud Atlas String Quartet and the reincarnated soul of a character in the previous story. Each story focuses on a different theme, in a different time period and location, and has a wildly different writing style. Some stories are action-focused while others are slower paced, but I genuinely enjoyed each one and can't recommend this enough.

Watchmen by Alan Moore. I am not a fan of superhero stories at all, so Watchmen, a deconstruction of the superhero genre, is one of the few I enjoy. Set in an America where superheroes were once real and have now been largely outlawed, Watchmen challenges the concepts of authority and heroes as several masked vigilantes rise again to respond to a mysterious threat and their own moral struggles.

The Discworld series by Terry Pratchett. Discworld is a loooong (40+) volume series that can be read in mostly any order, set in the fantasy land of Discworld where anything can happen, provided it is ridiculous. The first Discworld books poke fun at the fantasy genre in general which is... okay... but the series quickly turns into various social commentaries portrayed in such delightful and inspiring ways. I would say that this series is one written with a lot of anger and a lot of hope that our own ridiculous world can become somewhat of a better place if we all take our heads out of our own asses from time to time.

Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi. This graphic novel is a coming of age story set in the Iranian Revolution which serves as, imo, a very easily accessible introduction to a topic which shamefully isn't discussed much in my part of the world. Satrapi also talks about her experiences with the cultural divide between Iran and Europe during the 1980s and 1990s. I read this book fairly young (when i was 10 or so) and it has stuck with me ever since.

East of Eden by John Steinbeck. I fucking love EoE. This is a meta (in that the characters are aware of their own roles and discuss their roles within this framework) retelling of the Biblical stories of Adam and Eve and Cain and Abel set in a turn of the 20th century California Central Valley farming community. EoE discusses the concepts of free will, in particular the free will to do acts of good or acts of evil, and the nature of good/evil itself. Can't recommend this enough, regardless if people like Steinbeck's other works or not.

[hillbillyoracle]

In your ‘stop telling people to get a therapist’ post, you mention how “Current research is beginning to show that it (CBT) actually makes symptoms worse in people who’ve repeatedly experienced trauma and isn’t terribly effective in cases of personality disorders.” Do you happen to have any recommendations for more information on this?

I ask as a person who is unable to do CBT because I don’t experience a constant running inner monologue (I can’t internally perceive my thoughts unless I’m extremely stressed out) and I’m casually interested in learning more about that research mentioned. You of course don’t have to answer, I just thought to ask.

So originally I started this response with a really long winded way of saying the research I've seen in supporting CBT for trauma and personality disorders is pretty trash especially with regard to patient selection and long term follow up but given review editors bias toward publishing "this works" articles over "this needs more research" articles, it makes finding the information critiquing CBT harder for me as someone without credentials to search at an academic institution (it's not as likely to be in their free previews). I saw this research when I was still connected to a university but now I can't access it since I'm no longer working for one.

If I get access again, I'll try to come back with more but this is all just to say I'm sorry these aren't the quality that I generally like to give. The following articles (and book) touch on the same ideas without the numbers.

Work I've personally interacted with:

Here's a paper discussing how CBT is getting less effective over time and some theories as to why.

If you don't want to slog through that here's a summary from the Guardian.

"The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk - summarizes both case studies and clinical studies he conducted, largely with military veterans, that pointed to cognitive treatment alone being insufficient at best and sometimes harmful. He doesn't go so far as to suggest CBT is ineffective but advocates for it not being the only course of treatment.

Here's one persons account of why CBT was not effective for them on the basis that their behaviors weren't considered problematic.

This article touches on the fact that even for situations it's considered well suited to CBT is only effective a little over half of the time and how touting it as THE modality hurts people who rely on medication or alternative treatments to function.

This therapist talks about CBT alone isn't trauma informed because of it's focus on the present.

One person's account of how CBT failed her but psychodynamic therapy (a modality that isn't really in vogue at the moment) really helped her.

Modalities that don't require an inner monologue to check out:

polyvagal therapy

somatic experiencing

transference focused psychotherapy

dialectical behavioral therapy (CBT adjacent, but less inner monologue and more skills focused)

scheme therapy (tougher to do without a monologue but possible to use through observing the body and behaviors)

Hope this helps or is at least interesting. I'm very frustrated I can't dig up the really awesome piece I read a while back from someone critiquing CBT as almost innately ableist because of it's moral language around whether a patient complies with a therapists recommendation (without regard to the appropriateness of the therapists recommendation). If I find it again I'll link it, because it's one of my favorite critiques of it to date.

[curioskitty]

THE・Rarest Bakugou

Given Bakugou-kun's description as a "juvenile delinquent" (Horikoshi sensei uses the term 不良少年, or furyou shounen, meaning juvenile delinquent boy), it's expected that he wouldn't conform to standard. So obviously, it's not possible to find Bakugou-kun wearing a tie properly................

What is up with this perfectly tied nonsense right here?!

Bakugou-kun, I thought I knew you!!! THE LIES! THE BETRAYAL!!!

But, it's probably just a fluke. You didn't mean it, right Horikoshi-sensei?

WTF?! WHY?!!! Horikoshi-sensei?!

Yep. Contrary to expectations, Bakugou-kun wearing a tie correctly only ranks at Ultra Rare status: difficult to find, but not impossible.

So, what's rarer than a tie-wearing Bakugou-kun? Go Beyond, Plus Ultra Rare Bakugou!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

In fact, it's even harder to find Bakugou-kun wearing a tie improperly. Given proto-Bakugou's loose tie design, I would have expected that to be the likelier delinquent-esque tie option. But I've only seen Horikoshi-sensei draw him like this once:

(Horikoshi-sensei's one year celebration illustration. This is still fairly early in the publication.)

On top of that, Bakugou-kun consistently wears his uniform tie-less and with at least one button undone on his shirt collar. His pants are always slung low on his hips and legs bunching up at his feet (except when he had to wear jeans for Best Jeanist). You can even see panels where Horikoshi-sensei drew in the rips at the hems near the heel where they drag on the ground.

So why the inconsistency, Horikoshi-sensei? I see you over there, stop pretending you didn't notice. I know you're paying attention.

Horikoshi-sensei gave proto-Bakugou a loosened tie, so what is the reasoning for taking Bakugou-kun's tie away?

Some No-Tie Theories

Fan Theory #1: HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW

//Like Midoriya-kun, Bakugou-kun came from a middle school with gakuran uniforms. They never learned how to tie them. Midoriya-kun messes up his tie, while Bakugou-kun doesn't even bother to try.//

I actually think this is the least likely reason. Bakugou-kun was designed to be a naturally talented genius. I think this applies to anything he wants to do. If he does something, it's always perfectly done.

Bakugou-kun can (and does if you look above) tie it perfectly when necessary.

CONCLUSION: If Bakugou-kun doesn't do something, it's completely out of personal preference or because he doesn't see a reason to.

Fan Theory #2: REBELLIOUS NATURE

//Bakugou-kun is a delinquent and maintains that image because he thinks it looks cool. Or maybe he is rebelling against fashion designer parents. Either way, because of his family background he knows how to tie a tie, but wants to be a rebel.//

I'd give partial points for this one. I'm pretty sure he wears his pants loose at least partially because he thinks it looks cool. However, Bakugou-kun's parents were noted to be designers and not specifically fashion designers.

Despite appearances, this is the kid that sleeps at 8:30pm, doesn't break school rules, and yells at his friends for smoking.

He zips up the collar on his gym track suit all the way. Both the summer and winter versions get the same treatment. He doesn't feel the need to "make a statement" by wearing his track uniform incorrectly. Outside of class, he can and does sometimes wear his track jacket unzipped, but during class he always wears it properly.

So then why does Bakugou-kun refuse to wear the band T-shirt and Christmas party Santa outfit? Because he isn't cooperative. In Ultra Analysis, his Cooperativeness Stat was the lowest rank: E.

CONCLUSION: Bakugou-kun may be non-conformist and uncooperative, but he isn't a rebel.

Fan Theory #3: TRAUMA/PTSD

//This is one of the more popular theories. Between Dabi grabbing his neck, the Sludge Villain and being restrained at the School Festival, our boy has been through the wringer. As a result, he just doesn't like stuff around his neck because it gives him anxiety.//

The Western Fandom is definitely concerned about the mental health of the kids. But I don't actually think this is the reason. Not that I don't think they all need some therapy and self care, especially right now, but there just isn't evidence for this specific trauma in Bakugou-kun.

He wears scarves and even turtle necks without a problem.

On top of that, Bakugou-kun ALSO unbuttoned the top button of his shirt and gakuran in middle school; even from before the Sludge Villain incident. There isn't any evidence Bakugou-kun changed his dressing habits due to trauma. He wore a scarf to the entrance exam for UA, too.

CONCLUSION: Bakugou-kun has ALWAYS worn his shirts with the top button unbuttoned.

These 3 theories are inadequate, too. Even if they did explain the reasons Bakugou-kun doesn't wear a uniform tie, they don't factor in the reasoning for why he DOES wear his other ties properly sometimes.

HC#1: Bakugou-kun's preference

Bakugou-kun doesn't seem to care about his image and how "extras" see him. Even during the press interviews after his hero debut, he wore the same style of open collar look. He's not shy about being nude or taking his shirt off.

But what he hates is being uncomfortable.

He is "explosively brawny". Just look at how thick Bakugou-kun's neck is when compared to Midoriya-kun's. It isn't just that Midoriya-kun is supposed to be scrawny, but also that Bakugou-kun has a thicker than average neck.

Bakugou-kun doesn't like to button up his shirts all the way because it's uncomfortable. It's reasonable that he zips his track suit and everything else up because those are looser at the neck or made of stretchier materials.

As for why he doesn't wear the uniform tie at all... Don't forget Bakugou-kun is a perfectionist and a bit of a neat freak.

He always tucks his shirt in. For the band performance he wore a collared black dress shirt. From what we saw of his room, it's minimalist and clean. I don't see him wanting to look like a slob.

A sloppy loose tie would probably irritate him more than just not wearing it (which is even funnier when you think about Midoriya-kun's chonk tie. It probably makes him want to strangle Midoriya-kun, or maybe just tie it himself...)

Bakugou-kun has difficulties compromising when it comes to his high standards. So if he has to wear it, it's going to be either 0% or 100%.

HC#2: Explosiveness

Why draw Bakugou-kun with either 0% tie or 100% tie? If Horikoshi-sensei is going for a delinquent image, wouldn't the 50% tie option make more sense?

Taking a look again at Bakugou-kun's profile page, Horikoshi-sensei describes him to be explosive in every way. That includes his whole body being "explosively brawny", but also adds a note that he looks slender in clothes.

Horikoshi-sensei put an effort to make every element of Bakugou-kun's character in some state of either fully compressed or explosive.

His slimming clothes, general appearance and even his speech patterns are highly compressed (blunt/terse) and loud. The extremes of his attitude are compressed too; if Bakugou-kun is not loudly raging, then he's quietly observing.

This contrast is key to his character. You can't explode if you aren't compressed first. It's supposed to be shocking to see how brawny he actually is under his slenderizing clothes. And I always feel shocked whenever I see this kid compressed into a tie.

HC#3: Deku & Kacchan

These two are set apart from the class by design and very much on purpose. Horikoshi-sensei designed them to be at opposite ends of the same spectrum.

If Bakugou-kun has muscular arms, then Midoriya-kun needs muscular legs. If Midoriya-kun buttons up his shirt all the way to the collar, then Bakugou-kun's collar has to be loose. Their designs reflect their connection.

So if Midoriya-kun has a poorly tied tie, the opposite of that is either non-existant or perfectly tied. If it's perfectly tied, he'd just blend in with the class.

The no-tie option just makes more sense.

Plus Ultra Rare Bakugou

Horikoshi-sensei only ever draws Bakugou-kun with a tie in specific scenarios. Costume events that require the neck tie as part of the costume or "fancy" events where everyone is in formal wear. And even in those, Bakugou-kun manages to not wear his tie 90% of the time.

So, I just imagine that when Horikoshi-sensei makes Bakugou-kun wear his tie, he's super grumpy! Just look at his face in every illustration he's wearing a tie in. He's probably hot, uncomfortable, and really not enjoying himself at all.

Ultimately, the "Plus Ultra Rare Bakugou" is a Bakugou-kun who wears the tie and SMILES while doing it.

(Yes, I know that's NOT actually a tie. Shut up Bakugou-kun. You're only smirking in this one because you won the Popularity Poll for the 5th time in a row...)

(Well that's random, you say? Welcome to my blog. Considering the stuff going down on canon, I figured I should give fans, and myself, a break from angst to talk about something silly.

Please note that this applies only to the manga. I've found that the anime isn't quite so strict about how Bakugou-kun looks.

Regarding the headcanons, I just want to clarify that everyone is free to think whatever they like. I enjoy all headcanons and support your right to have them.

I wrote this a while ago and then debated posting it because it's such a huge meta about... Bakugou-kun's tie. I had regrets. But now it's become my new years post. Regrets were for 2020, it's already 2021!

Demons out, fortune in!!! I know it's not setsubun for another month, but 2020 was such a demon.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!)

[airy-fairy-sparkles]

pt1  ♡ the signs as zootopia characters ♡

aries // 🍼 finnick 🔥

while nick is calm and collected, finnick is short-tempered and loud, often resulting to acts of violence whenever annoyed. self-assured and no-nonsense, finnick often tries to strike fear into those around him with verbal, and even physical threats. though he detests the misconception that he is a toddler, finnick has enough self-control to maintain his boiling temper for the greater good: money, in his case. as such, he can be just as cunning and manipulative as nick, especially when waddling around like a toddler, to render others putty in his hands. finnick also appears to care little for authority. he paid no real mind to judy as an officer and was unfazed in her presence, despite the fact that he, too, was involved in the con that put nick on her radar. he apparently finds the very idea of being an officer to be humiliating. for all of his gruffness, finnick does have a heart. he appears to have a particular soft spot for judy as near the climax of the film, when visited at his van, finnick was initially hostile upon answering, only to immediately soften at the sight of judy. he subsequently showed her sympathy by answering her pleas and helping her find nick, who she had evidently developed a friendship with since their last encounter. this is finnick's only known act of kindness and indicates that he does have some amount of care for both nick and judy.

taurus // 🐌 flash ⚡

given that he is a sloth, flash moves, talks, and responds slowly. despite this, nick claims that he was the fastest sloth at the dmv. despite his slowness, flash is quite friendly, polite, gentle, social, and speaks quite professionally, which makes him sound more intelligent than he looks. flash can be easily distracted, as nick interrupts flash's work to tell him a joke. flash enjoys jokes and finds them hilarious. this can hinder his professionalism as he even goes so far as to retell them to his co-worker, priscilla.

gemini // 🦊 nick wilde 🍭

nick is generally charismatic, sociable, street-smart, wise-cracking and highly cunning. a shifty, sly, and mischievous fox, traits supposedly common to all foxes, nick is easygoing and slick, easily conning and tricking others through his charm and friendly demeanor for money. he nearly always has a sly smile on his face and seems unfazed throughout most of the events. due to his troubled history, nick grew to be cynical, devious and prejudiced himself, and due to the events, he developed a fear of muzzles and a dislike towards prey. unlike kudy, he viewed the world of zootopia as an abysmal place, where dreams are nothing more than far-off fantasies, and those who strive to become something more than they're stereotyped to be, are simply wasting their time and energy. mevertheless, he kept a somewhat positive aura by embracing and exploring his strong points, which were his wits, intelligence and ability to con practically everyone he came across. he also maintained a strong sense of humor, as he often uses wisecracks as a coping mechanism when found in a troublesome situation. as a result of his past, nick grew to be uncaring towards the opinions of other mammals, no matter how cruel, giving him a sense of strength and independence. these traits would ultimately play a crucial role in solving zootopia's deadliest conspiracy and would lead nick to understand that it is possible to become something more than you're stereotyped to be. nick became a firm supporter to the bunny, subsequently proving himself to be quite fearless and protective when it comes to those he cared about. however, nick's affection for judy would also act as his weakness, bringing about his vulnerability and rendering him capable of becoming strongly affected by the viewpoints of someone else. nick has a fondness for coffee as he was seen drinking one after mayor lionheart's arrest. he also has a liking towards blueberries when he ate some that judy got from her family's farm which he later commented how tasty they are.

cancer // 🐑 bellwether 😡

bellwether epitomizes the term "a wolf in sheep's clothing": on the surface, she appears to be a sweet and finicky, albeit overworked sheep doing all she can to help the city, though inside hides a ruthless and embittered mind. bellwether resorts to the use of manipulation and fear to enact her ideology. she ultimately cares little for the prey population as individuals, instead viewing them as a collective capable of heightening her own placement on the political ladder to power. even so, she is sympathetic toward the prey citizens who go through tribulations from predators in a similar manner of her own past (she initially considered judy an acquaintance because of their similarities in this regard). anyone who sees predators beyond bellwether's views, however, immediately lose her sympathy. bellwether was less likely to be suspected for her crimes. however, she is subject to her own overconfidence, which became her own downfall: when she believed she had the upper hand, bellwether admitted her entire plot to judy and mick out of pride, unaware that her confession had been recorded by the duo.

leo // 🦁 mayor lionheart 🤫

lionheart is a rather controversial figure. he generally presents himself as a charming, noble, and inspiring leader. his will to ensure that all mammals are treated equally within his city supports this, as his goals are primarily focused on keeping his citizens, and the city itself, safe. he is strictly intolerant of incompetence, especially during urgent matters. when angered, lionheart becomes an imposing figure, which makes him a feared individual to those who work closely enough with him to witness this side. this is also seen with lionheart's treatment towards bellwether, whom he treats with little respect, ordering her around more like a stooge than an actual assistant mayor. in addition to dumping work on her, he sometimes pushes her aside when in public, stealing the spotlight. nevertheless, lionheart at least makes attempts to keep his temper and show compassion towards those who assist him. at one point, when ordering bellwether to take care of other matters while he tends to something more important, he does so gruffly but somewhat sympathetically adds "please" to his demands at the end, in response to his own roughness. later on, bellwether reveals that lionheart made an effort to actually get her a gift, though it was merely a mug saying "world's greatest dad" with the "dad" bit scribbled and replaced with "assistantayor" through a marker. it seems lionheart isn't the best at handling much at once and can be rather neglectful towards other needs as a result. however, lionheart's actions were not always out of pure selflessness; he appears to care greatly about his own reputation, and in fact, many of the decisions he made were done at least partly to secure his position as mayor. lionheart tends to justify his questionable decisions by claiming them to have been done for the greater good, as evidenced by him rather casually claiming that his illegal imprisonment of the afflicted predators was "a classic doing the wrong thing for the right reason kind of a deal".

virgo // 😑 chief bogo 🎵

bogo is rather charming and stark yet playfully mischievous. he was seen using his position, and feared reputation as a brute law enforcer, to tease them twice, as seen when "acknowledging the elephant in the room", and again during the epilogue, where he jokingly assigned judy and mick to parking duty, only to cornily say, "just kidding!" before giving them a more serious assignment. he is also a fan of the aforementioned pop star, gazelle, though he was initially insecure about expressing his love for her. by the end of the movie, nogo was much less concerned about maintaining his rough and brutal reputation, as he allowed himself to publicly enjoy his free time and let loose (evidenced by his passionate dancing at gazelle's concert).

[cambriancrew]

@fragmentedpsyche

Re: Validation, and research links.

Re: Validation. 3 of the previous 4 therapists or counselors that I've seen, have been very accepting of me being plural and not being traumagenic (despite very much having trauma, it's just not what made the rest of the Crew) nor fitting the criteria for any dissociative disorder.

The one exception was my former pastor who is very outdated on his information, didn't even know that it hasn't been called MPD in the US for over 20 years. I literally had to explain to him "You mean Dissociative Identity Disorder. That's what it's called now, has been for a couple decades now. And the criteria has changed. You wanna read a copy of the DSM-V before insisting I have a disorder that I don't fit the criteria for?"

To which he was like, if it's not MPD you're demon possessed. Yeah.... No.

Anyway.

There's also Dr. Richard Loewenstein, an expert on dissociative disorders, who runs a trauma and dissociation treatment center in Boston. He was interviewed about us Crew in this episode of Reply All, and you can read what he had to say in the transcript - ctrl F "Richard" to find it faster. TLDR: Yes, plural, no, not DID.

Now, research. This isn't all of it, just most of the best, and the easiest for me to find in a hurry. I ought to organize my own list at some point...

So anyway. There's this set of research links about non-DID multiples. Most of it still suggests trauma is necessary, as Solipsistful says, but it's still an interesting assortment. You can get past the paywalls to read the papers with https://sci-hub.tw

The most interesting research about explicitly non-traumagenic multiplicity, is going on right now, although it's only regarding those of us with tulpas. (Yes, most of us realize the term is appropriative and hate it, but that's what we're stuck with.) Dr. Samuel Veissiere has done some preliminary research on the community, and is doing an fMRI study on people with tulpas this summer/fall, at Stanford University. Last I heard, his research proposal and everything preliminary to the actual data gathering had finally passed the ethics board and now they're gathering up grants and funding and setting up the last bit of stuff needed to actually get us volunteers, many of us coming from all across the country, together in their lab and in the machine. Not sure when we'll see the results of that, but as soon as it is, we will be broadcasting it far and wide, no matter what the results end up being.

[essayofthoughts]

hmm ok generic but: only one bed, miscommunication, a/b/o ?

Give me a fanfiction trope and I’ll grade it

Only One Bed - C

I don't go seeking it out, really. It can be fun but mostly I don't buy it because Only One Bed is something easily circumvented - sleep on the floor, in a chair, somewhere else. It's usually only a temporary situation, there's other options etc. etc.. Basically, this trope only allows for a very short amount of time to convince me of whatever you want to convince me of with the fic, and in my experience Only One Bed is a trope best paired with other, longer-running tropes, such as Fake Married/Fake Dating (see previous ask). On it's own I generally won't bother.

TL;DR: I don't hate it but how it's usually used in shipfic is something I only find effective in conjunction with other tropes; I wouldn't usually read this on it's own.

Miscommunication - D+

Okay so how I do I explain how I feel about miscommunication...

How 90% of fics do it: FUCK NO FUCK OFF THAT'S NOT MISCOMMUNICATION, THAT'S NOT EVEN COMMUNICATION TO BEGIN WITH.

How the GOOD fics do it: Oh god I hate you, why would you do this, I know why they don't believe it, I know why they think something else but it's SO OBVIOUS THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER.

Basically this is often done extremely badly with characters not communicating at all, lying to each other, or being deliberately obstructive or otherwise just... not communicating. This can be incredibly frustrating not in the narrative tension way but because it makes all of the characters seem incredibly stupid and I hate it. Shippy or not, when done badly - as it most often is! - I detest it.

When done well on the other hand it is the tastiest thing I ever did see. The cases where it's barely even miscommunication, it's that the involved characters have their own worldviews that mean that they just don't see the obvious care from the other/s because why would someone ever care that much about them? Cases where the miscommunication is a matter of genuine cultural difference where it's not contrived or awkward but just a genuine mismatch in how they interpret certain things or understand certain terms. That's the shit I like.

I like the cases where characters talk past each other because they're working from very different bases of understanding - a great example for this in Critical Role itself is the Vex&Vax conversations regarding Vex's titling or how confident she seems. Vax doesn't understand why the title means so much to Vex because to him she's always had worth. He doesn't understand that for Vex her confidence is an act because she has always seemed so confident and he takes his own strength from that. The idea that she isn't just the awesomest person doesn't occur to him, it does not compute - so they miscommunicate.

TL;DR: This is usually, in my opinion, the wrong tag to attach to a fic because most fics tagged with it feature failure to communicate rather than miscommunication. It can be done well, but it is done well so rarely I am wary of this tag and will often avoid it if it seems contrived to me.

A/B/O - F

NOPE. NOPE. FUCK NO.

1. Slash fandom has some just... truly appalling treatment of female characters and A/B/O is a trope that often people use as an excuse to further sideline female characters, usually due to some certain internalised opinions, at least so far as I can tell.

2. At it's best A/B/O is a woman's fantasy about a happy slashy ever after with babies and a white picket fence. At it's worst it's... rape and sexual assault and complete failure of consent, refusal to acknowledge or allow trauma, arousal treated as consent and just... a whole load of other issues.

I avoid slashfic for a bunch of reasons, but triggered in part by reading a BBC Sherlock Fanfic written before the introduction of Mary Morstan to the series that included her because she's in the books... and made her a habitual cheater cheating on John to justify John and Sherlock getting it on. They wrote in a character, mischaracterised that character from the primary source material they could reasonably be basing her on, and made her a wilful habitual cheater in order to provide a moral excuse for John's cheating on her with Sherlock. The level of just pure fucked up justification there that was completely unneeded because she didn't even exist in the BBC series at the time infuriated me. The fic was otherwise good, but once I grokked that, at it's basest level, that was what they'd done, I was very angry! And I looked over other slashfic and realised it happened with abandon, one way or another.

And then I looked at A/B/O and realised that oh hey, Roving Slash Fandom is basically the vast majority of A/B/O and decided fuck this, fuck that, fuck no never again. I am notoriously picky about what slashfics I will read, and A/B/O goes into my automatic blacklist - if AO3 had a tag blacklist feature, it would be on it. As it is, it is the first tag I blacklist when I search for anything.

TL;DR: I avoid A/B/O because I can't stand slashfandom and don't trust it. A/B/O falls into slashfandom more than it doesn't. I can think of one (1) A/B/O fanfic I've enjoyed (an unfinished Crimson Peak one) and otherwise the triteness or conversely the rapeyness of it just makes me uncomfortable, irritable and thus nope the fuck out.

Give me a fanfiction trope and I’ll grade it