#incorrect castlevania

[maedhrosiseverything2me]

Trevor: I just realized something, I had a bad childhood.

Alucard: yeah I know.

Trevor: Wdym you know?

Alucard: Look at you

Trevor: Wdym look at me?

Alucard: look at how you stand, people who had good childhood don't stand like that.

Trevor: Eat sh!t and d!e

Alucard: yes fck you

[the-crow-binary]

[everyone-is-incorrect]

Simon: NONE OF THOSE WORDS ARE IN THE BIBLE

Richter: psalm 119:105 “and jesus said unto his followers, should a manlet incel attempt to mansplain the blockchain to a girlboss, may she waste his time and yassify his blorbos.”

Simon: HE DID NOT FUCKING SAY THAT.

[dyingroses]

God blessed me with perfect tits, it's only right that people should know that.

Adrien “Alucard” Tepes

[alpaca-clouds]

Incorrect Castlevania - Day 1

Lisa: Hey Vlad, can you give me the opposite of these words? Lisa: Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down. Dracula: Never, Going, To, Give, You- Dracula: The f***ing satisfaction.

[enigma-the-mysterious]

"But..but, Olrox killed Richter's mom :("

And he looked really hot while doing so, what's your fucking point?

[saturncodedstarlette]

Angel!Y/N, fighting a hoard of demons : Shit!

Vergil, fighting alongside : What did you say?

Angel!Y/N : I said “shit”, okay?

Vergil : Yes, it's just that you never, you know... curse.

Angel!Y/N : I never used to, and then all this happened, and then YOU happened!

Vergil, slashes another demon : Me?

Angel!Y/N : Yes, you!

Angel!Y/N : I was nice! And then I met you, and now I’m like you.

Vergil : Oh, so it’s my fault?

Angel!Y/N : it’s all your fault! You did this to me!

Vergil, huffs : I found you turned into a statue in a fucking tomb!

Angel!Y/N : And climbed all over me, and since that moment everything has been shit, and—

[a demon leaps up behind them]

Angel!Y/N, blasts holy firebeam at the demon : I AM FUCKING TALKING HERE!

Angel!Y/N, turns back to Vergil : And you turned me into someone who says “shit”.

Angel!Y/N : Fuckity, shit, hairy arse, warts, giant slimy balls, SHIT!

[demigoddessqueens]

How it should have gone

Richter: I thought you were a myth

Alucard: you were myth-taken

[hopefully-helpful-daemon]

Alucard: Two years ago, I married my best friend.

Alucard: Trevor is still mad about it, but me and Sypha were drunk and thought it was funny.

[alien-slushie]

Cale, after beating the sh*t out of White Star: Awe. He fell down.

[adm-starblitzsteel-4305]

Mothra, to Godzilla and Kong: If you two can manage not to kill each other while I'm gone.

Godzilla: Oh, please. We're not children.

Mothra: *flies away*

Godzilla:

Kong:

Kong: Eat shit and die.

Godzilla: Yes, fuck you.

Source: Castlevania

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

Very dumb Netflix Castlevania FixIt AU where Trevor is in town when they try to burn Lisa at the stake and he’s like... “Welp, can’t let this shit happen,” and saves her. And when Dracula find them Lisa’s all like “Oh, my love, this wonderful kind man saved me!” and Trevor’s like “No, shut up, I’m a piece of shit.” And Dracula’s too busy being relieved to care and he asks, “Who are you friend?”

“Trevor Belmont.”

And now Dracula is having an existential crisis because now he owes his wife’s life to his ancestral enemy and Trevor feels conflicted because he just saved Dracula’s fucking wife and pissed off all of the Church. So Dracula just... has him move in to his Castle until the heat dies down.

Cue a slice of life comedy where Dracula and Trevor are constantly trying to kill each other but never when Lisa and Alucard are around because the they’d get yelled at and get no desert.

Sypha eventually gets involved because Lisa shanghies Dracula into turning the Castle into a safe haven for people being hunted by the Church and now Trevor and Alucard are also competing with each other to impress the hot witch girl while also being a little gay for each other. Lisa has already picked out the wedding cake. Dracula weeps.

Sypha vibes with Hector and Isaac who she helps get out of their emo phases. Carmilla is like “Hahaha, Drac’s gone soft, time to take him out and take over the world!” Trevor, of course, slays her when she tries, and Dracula now owes the Belmont an even more direct life debt.

[the-crow-binary]

[everyone-is-incorrect]

Richter: I don’t think your father approves of me.

Alucard: Don't worry about it. He doesn't approve of me, either.

[fireflaked]

inej: you two better not kill each other while i'm gone

kaz: oh, please. we're not children

*inej leaves*

nina: eat shit and die

kaz: yes, fuck you

[alpaca-clouds]

Incorrect Castlevania - Day 06

Dracula: I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose.