#incorrect fate grand order

[kiwikipedia]

Chiron, reading off a piece of paper: The illiad is called the illiad because illium was another name for Troy and “-ad” was a suffix that meant “the story of”

Odysseus: so you’re saying…. the illiad should be called Troy Story?

Hector: Thanks I hate it

Achilles: You gotta friend in horse

Paris, crying: YOU DO NOT HAVE A FRIEND IN HORSE

[cosmichorrorsarestillnicerthanme]

Raikou: Am I a bad parent?

Gudako: No

Kintoki: Why?

Raikou: Some lady came up to me today and said that I probably feed my kids dino nuggies.

Kintoki: Who is it?

Gudako: No one disrespects the dino nuggies.

[fatestaynighttextposts]

[cyber-streak-2]

Prowl: I have the sharpest memory. Try naming one thing I have forgotten.

The Constructicons: You left us in the parking lot 3 days ago.

Prowl: No, that was on purpose. Try harder.

[julio-claudian-saberface]

How I Saved Faerie Britain With The Power of Love

by Morgan le Fay

Chapter 1: The Power of Love

The first step in my journey was realizing that it is impossible to save Faerie Britain with the power of love. 

Chapter 2: The Power of Incredible Violence

[akkreti]

Karna: What do you think of this coffee sampler pack?

Duryodhana: That's a good selection of all of their high-end blends.

Karna: This will be perfect for Arjuna's birthday.

Duryodhana: Wait... Arjuna? Your nemesis, Arjuna?

Karna: Yes, he drinks those garbage coffee in the break rooms.

Duryodhana: You hate him. Why would you get him a gift?

Karna: After this, he'll know what real coffee tastes like and won't be able to go back. He'll have to brew his own or stop at a fancy place each morning. This gift will cost him millions of QP a year.

[animegirlsakurablr]

Semiramis, ranting to another Servant: It's just fucked up that we bred pigeons to be our companions and then we no longer had any use of them we just abandoned them and now we treat them like menaces and pests and people want them dead they are our FRIENDS.

Semiramis, later: I was drunk, but I'm right.

[totallycorrectjediorderquotes]

Anakin: As far as audio is concerned, Dooku mentioned that the quality isn't good, and we can only be heard when we're looking up and raising our voices

Ahsoka: I know 'cause I tried yelling a bunch of obscenities at Dooku when I was in the ship's cockpit

Ahsoka: Hehehe!

Rex, internally: (So that's what all that stuff about old geezers, cyberpunk rip-offs, and eighties leftovers was...)

[hasmephydoneanythingwrong]

Near-immediate thought process

[shygo-the-something]

Saber : Arcueid has no survival skills, her need to win has replaced them. Shirou: That can't be true! Saber : Watch this. Saber : Hey Arcueid, race you to the bottom of the stairs! Arcueid: *Throws herself out a window*

[kiwikipedia]

Gawain: [swings at Hassan and misses]

Hassan: strike one

Gawain: That’s not how it works!

Gawain: [swings again]

Hassan: strike two

Hassan: once more and thine self is out

Gawain, under his breath: fuck

[miramisaki]

43(???) days until Charlie...

[thegeasswriter]

Olga Marie: Oh, fuck ME! SHIT! Fujimaru.

Fujimaru: Yes?

Olga Marie: I'm looking for someone to take control of this disgusting, embarrassing mess. She (Mordred) doesn't give a fuck, he's (Achilles) dreaming, he's (Gilgamesh) standing there pissing his pants looking for something to stroke his fucking ego! And she's (Frankenstein) just running around like a toilet brush. IS ANYONE GOING TO TAKE CONTROL?!!

[incorrectstarwarslegendsquotes]

Tahl: I see!

Tahl: Wait, no, I don't see.

[cynthiaandsamus]

Lanling: Wow, cool cave

Mandricardo: Thanks, this is where I come to cry

[julio-claudian-saberface]

David in Salem

David: Thou shalt not kill. [counting on his fingers] Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods, nor make unto thee any graven image. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain; thou shalt have no other gods before me. [with some hesitation] Thou shalt remember the Sabbath Day and keep it holy. [Pause. Then] Thou shalt honor thy father and mother. Thou shalt not bear false witness. [He is stuck. He counts back on his fingers, knowing one is missing] Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.

Matthew Hopkins: You have said that twice.

David: Yes... [He is flailing for it]

Abigail: [through her facepalm] Adultery, David.