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sungbeam · 1 year

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OFF THE RECORD ▷ PART ONE (EP1-8)

nonidol!ji changmin x fem!reader

everyone thinks changmin is cute and harmless, but you know that's not who he really is.

▷ genre, part warnings. e2l, childhood friends gone bad, (extra) slow burn, fluff, angst, mentions of childhood trauma and parental manipulation, arguing, bittersweet galore, nct ten is there for the sole purpose of being nosy like the rest of us or for being a 2nd male lead who knows!, swearing, hurt/comfort, ji changmin dancing. (need i go on), symptoms of panic/anxiety, a lot of non-tbz moments sorry i meant it when i said extra slow burn, pining haha...ha (very subtle)

▷ PART ONE WC. 18.5k

this is the third installment of the love in unity series! this can be read as a standalone, but i encourage u to read jacob and eric's storylines too! all prev and future yns will be referred to as _!yn ;) / otr part two

a/n: this was going to be a very quirky author's note, but it's not anymore bc i'm really mad at tumblr. pls enjoy :')

EPISODE ONE (PILOT): OFF THE CLOCK

"NIGHT, Yn!"

"Good night, Yn-ie."

"Make sure you get some rest, Yn-ah! Good luck with the report."

The door out of the laboratory building shuttered closed after your last coworkers and peers swept out to leave you to the white noise of the lights above your head and the cooling units. You were probably the only person crazy enough to still be chained to your lab workbench on a Friday night, especially when it was already six o'clock. Your stomach growled its complaints as you tucked a pen behind your ear with a sigh. There was probably a bag of shrimp chips in the break room snack stash, and you pushed your stool beneath the workbench to head into the break room.

Now that the laboratory was practically barren except for you, it wouldn't be a bad idea to take the reign of Kun's speaker…

The sound of your phone ringtone blared out loud from your pocket, and you scrambled to grab it with your other hand not occupied with shrimp chip crumb dust (after having washed your hands, of course). You put the call on speaker then deposited your phone onto the countertop so both hands could be used for eating. "Yo."

"You've been hanging around Mark too much," Yeri answered from the other end.

You snorted, covering your mouth for a moment, then replying, "Well good evening to you, too, my beloved. What's up?"

You could hear the muffled sounds of your friends from the other side of the phone. A car door slammed shut. "Hey-yo, is that Yn? Yn, what's up, my dude?"

"Mark, can you speak like a regular human?" That was Seungkwan. "Hi Yn-ie! We miss you, mwah!"

"Look, man. Me and Yn are homies, and this is literally just how I talk—"

The car door opened and Yeri must have taken initiative to get out of the car herself at this point. You laughed at her audible eye roll. "Okay, now that you've heard what I have to deal with, will you tell me that you're coming to the dance draft show tonight?"

Your mood soured.

It wasn't that you didn't want to go for Yeri's sanity's sake, you just didn't want to go, period. What the performing arts called a rehearsal, they referred to as a "draft" stage, where they planned rough runs of acts for the showcase. It just so happened that the dance department was holding their draft show for people to sit-in to watch tonight; their final showcase would be held on the Friday night of finals week, which was only in a few weeks now.

(Why did they call it a "draft" stage instead of simply a "rehearsal"? Well, you had no clue, and you didn't have any plans to ask anyone who would know the answer.)

When you didn't immediately answer, you heard Yeri's grumble. "Don't nerd out on me, Miss Yn Ln."

You gasped. "Nerd out on you? I'm being responsible—"

"You're being a workaholic!"

You pursed your lips together and quickly rinsed your fingers of shrimp chip crumbs. "Fair. But I'm sorry, I'm not going."

A brief pause. Then, the sigh. "Okay. That's okay," she said. "Wanna meet us for dinner afterwards at least?"

Your stomach grumbled, right on cue. It wasn't loud enough for Yeri to hear on the other end, but the timing made you laugh to yourself. "Definitely."

There was a smile in your friend's voice. "Cool! I'll text you details once we figure out what's happening. In the mean—" her voice was interrupted by the sound of muffled yelling on the other side, and Yeri pulled her mouth away from the phone so she could screech at Seungkwan, Mark, and now, Kim Jungwoo, to be quiet and put their seatbelts on. You heard vaguely about Jungwoo being late for his call time, and you were not at all surprised. She returned to the phone with a grumble. "You're really leaving me with the kids, Yn?"

You giggled. "Sorry, Yeri. I'll pay for your dinner."

"Deal. See you soon, babe."

"See ya, love!"

When the phone call ended, you realized just how thick the silence fell around you. It settled like a blanket over your senses, and it all became a bit overwhelming, especially after such a loud phone call.

You sighed, putting the shrimp chips back in the snack stash. You might as well go find where Kun hid his speaker to fill the silence then.

— ✶

People were yelling. And tripping. And crying.

In retrospect, this constituted as a normal backstage environment for something like a finals showcase draft rehearsal. It was hardly even a rehearsal, but more so a sneak peek showcase. There were people in the audience, after all.

Ji Changmin would know. This would be his third winter draft show out of his three years here in university. There were always showcases at the end of each quarter, but the winter show wielded the title of most anticipated. With the cold and rainy weather keeping most people indoors, it allowed for a larger crowd to come flocking toward said indoor modes of entertainment. Thus, the winter showcase and all of its hype.

Changmin lingered in his little corner of the backstage area, calmly stretching out his lanky limbs while chaos erupted all around him. He had two acts this time around—a duet with Lee Juyeon, as well as a solo performance. It had been enough to keep him busy for the quarter, among his other classes.

"—Jungwoo, you're late!"

He raised his head at the sound of Lee Minho’s voice from across the room, the dirty blond sending a deadpanned glare at the man in question. Kim Jungwoo’s eyes were wide with doe-like innocence as he made his way toward his friend, his posse following behind and taking in the chaos with amused awe. Changmin could easily recognize those present—Kim Yeri, Mark Lee, and Boo Seungkwan.

He turned his head away; it wasn’t his business, and he had much bigger things to worry about.

He raised his hands to his neck to put his headphones over his ears, but paused when he caught a few more echoes of their conversation.

“ — sorry Minho, but you know I can’t resist getting a free carpool ride,” Jungwoo said while setting his duffle bag in the corner and swiftly joining Minho in stretches. If Changmin was a hard ass when it came to dance and schedules, Minho was much worse. But Changmin respected him a lot, especially in a craft like dance and performance—he saw him as an equal.

A sigh from Minho. “Yeah, yeah. Poor Yeri.”

Yeri huffed, her hands shooting up into the air. “Thank you!”

Minho folded his arms over his chest as he stood up straight to stand next to Yeri as the two of them absentmindedly watched Jungwoo fold himself in two to stretch his long legs out. “Huh, no Yn tonight?”

Changmin didn’t know why he was still listening. He slowly lowered his headphones back to their position around his neck, then resumed stretching out his hamstrings. He could wait a couple more minutes before getting into his choreography…

“You know you’re not gonna see her anywhere near this place,” Yeri said with a pointed look. Changmin held back a retort, or even a snort. “Wanna get dinner with us tonight? She’s coming to meet us after the show.”

“Ah, I’d love to, but I promised Jisung I’d swing by the studio afterwards. Hey, have you met Ten yet? You should ask…”

Changmin decided that this was an appropriate moment to tune out. He swiftly donned his headphones and reached for his phone hidden in the pile of his duffle bag and jackets in the corner. He didn’t even know why he listened in when your friends brought you up. Why were you even still connected to the dance and performing arts department people anyway? He huffed, rolling his eyes with a small shake of his head. It wasn’t like you wanted to be connected to dance anyway. So why give him a constant reminder of your existence and the past you shared—

“Changminnie!” Juyeon appeared in front of him, waving to him with that goofy smile to get his attention.

Changmin broke into a smile as he shifted one side of his headphones from his ear. “Hey. Wanna go over some of the routine?”

Juyeon nodded. “Yeah, I’m ready. I was trying to get your attention, but I think you were just occupied.”

Whoops. Changmin flicked his wrist as he followed Juyeon down the hallway to a more private place to practice with his friend. “Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking of something.”

“Oh, okay,” Juyeon ducked his head into an empty dressing room in the back hallway, beckoning Changmin to follow him in. “Nothing to worry about though? You can talk to me; no judgment.”

Changmin chuckled and closed the door behind him. “Nah, nothing important. Let’s just focus on the performance.” Anything involving you? Definitely not important anymore.

— ✶

Late February brought the cold, bitter winds of night to the university, so the trek all the way across campus from the laboratory buildings to the performing arts hall was a hellish one. You kept your head tucked into the puffy collar of your puffer jacket, hands stuffed into your pockets, a happy tune blasting in your ears to keep you going all the way up the road. It was around nine o’clock by the time you made it to the front of the performing arts hall, and you could already see the sea of people meandering outside its doors post-draft show.

You shivered and pulled your phone out from your pocket to see where your friends were waiting for you.

“Yn-ie!”

Your head lifted and you grinned, waving your hand at Seungkwan who was making his way over to you. “Hi Kwannie,” you greeted and wrapped your arms around him in a warm embrace.

When you’d pulled away, Seungkwan made a face as he shuddered. “Jesus, it’s cold. I should have brought a scarf or something. Did you walk here?”

You began to nod, but he tsked. “Aish, Yn. You should’ve called! No one should have to walk in this torturous cold.”

You laughed. “It’s no big deal. We’re about to go get some hot food, so it’s cool.”

“We might have to wait for a little longer.” Both you and Seungkwan turned toward Yeri, Mark, and Jungwoo who were walking over. Jungwoo had a sweatband holding his bangs out of his face and his duffle slung over his shoulder. He had his jacket draped over his arm; he was probably warm from the showcase. “We’re waiting on Ten to finish up.”

“Hi Jungwoo,” you greeted him, and the man returned the expression with a side hug. You furrowed your brows. “Who’s Ten?’’

Mark replied with a sniffle from the cold, “Oh, he’s a new exchange student! Well, he was originally admitted here, but he went abroad for a year. He's with the NCT frat. Super cool, super funny. He’s great at dance though.”

“I think you’ll vibe with him, Yn,” Yeri chimed in. “He’s asking a couple people for their opinion on a few parts of his routine, so I think he’ll be out soon.”

You nodded in understanding. You didn’t mind waiting, but you hoped what Yeri said about him was true. Hopefully you did get along with him, because you were honestly far too tired to forcefully play nice. You were hoping for a chill night anyway. Then again, as long as you could avoid a certain someone tonight, this would turn out to be a chill night in general.

You and your friends chatted for a few minutes only before Jungwoo caught someone’s eyes from behind you, Yeri, and Mark. He brightened. “Ten! Ten, over here!”

You all swiveled.

Ten was just as lean and lithe as Jungwoo was, but with black bangs, a pair of round spectacles hanging from the collar of his white T-shirt, and a cute smile on his face. You and he made brief eye contact before Jungwoo was hopping on the balls of his feet to greet him.

Jungwoo slung an arm around Ten’s shoulders as he brought him over to the group. “Yn, this is Ten Lee. Ten, this is Yn-ie—the friend we mentioned earlier.”

Your eyes widened slightly. “Why was I mentioned?” You laughed nervously.

Ten flashed you a boyish kind of smile. “Oh, it was nothing; don’t worry. It’s nice to meet you though.”

Your heart didn't slow at his assurance. “Ah, okay then. Uh, nice to meet you, too!”

“Did you get your routine settled?” Seungkwan asked as the lot of you began to move in one, loose blob toward Yeri’s car. (How all of you would manage to fit, that was something you mentally were trying to figure out. In Yeri’s tiny sedan, you might have to squish four people into the back seat.)

Ten nodded enthusiastically. “Yup, it’s all sorted. Minho and Changmin were really helpful with their comments.”

You felt the people around you freeze at the mention of Changmin’s name. You stiffened as well, but tried to force the strange feeling to go away. Your friends knew the drill, too, but you saw the way they glanced at you from their periphery.

Ten was smart, you realized, when his head tilted at all of your reactions.

Time for damage control. “That’s—that’s good!” Mark’s voice cracked and coughed to clear it. “I mean, Minho’s always been really attentive to details and stuff. I think he was almost recruited to become an idol or something like that…”

Ten pursed his lips, as if silently saying, ‘I’m not buying this bull’. You decided to just… do it. “Changmin’s a great dancer, too,” you said, and everyone shot disbelieving glances your way, but you could already see how Ten was grasping onto everything you were saying. You forced a neutral tone into the way you spoke, forced yourself not to let the bitterness seep through. No one deserved to fall victim to the feelings that were only meant for one Ji Changmin. “I’m glad he helped you out. He’s really good at sharp movements and isolations.”

“Oh, do you dance, Yn?” Ten piped up with a twinkle in his eyes.

“Ruh roh,” you heard Seungkwan murmur, and he shuffled away from you to go to the other side of Yeri’s car.

Maybe you purposefully let him see right through you. “Not really. It was a long time ago.”

You and Ten held eye contact, the silent tension like communication passed between the two of you—this was personal, but Ten could figure out that there was more to the story. It was odd though; the way he didn’t fear prodding just a little bit. You didn’t know why you were letting yourself feed him more bait, but Yeri was hollering for the two of you to squeeze into the backseat, and you snapped out of it.

Weird…

Ten held the backseat door open for you. “Looking forward to getting to know you, Yn,” he said pleasantly.

Your eyes narrowed slightly as you slipped into the backseat. “Same to you…”

EPISODE TWO: OFF THE TABLE

YOUR curiosity won you out.

In fact, it won you over so much that you agreed to get coffee with Ten Saturday afternoon—with Mark and Yeri, of course. The four of you had coordinated stopping by one of the coffee shops in the shopping mall just down the hill from the university to hang out and destress a little from the incoming second wave of STEM midterms. Well, you needed to destress. Mark was in communications, Yeri in psychology, and Ten was… what was Ten’s major again?

“Foreign affairs,” he answered before lifting the straw of his iced americano to his lips. “Lots of foreign language classes and politics and history. Politics and capitalism classes are not my favorite, but all the cultural courses on campus are really great.”

You bobbed your head, propping your chin onto your palm. You sat across from him at one of high tables in the cafe; Mark and Yeri’s stools were barren, save for the belongings they left for you and Ten to watch, while they literally sprinted across the mall to the grocery store because they forgot they were supposed to bring booze to the NCT-RVE joint alumni homecoming tonight. You probably weren’t going to go just because social energy came in short supply these days, but you promised to send a card for your friends in RVE.

“I can imagine,” you commented. “I took a really neat course on African tribes and culture in freshman year, and I miss my professor a lot. I sometimes wonder what would have happened had I joined his study abroad program in Ghana instead of staying here.”

Ten’s head did the tilt thing again, the one you recognized from last night as something he did when he was intrigued. “That does sound really cool. What made you stay?”

Where do I even begin? “My major,” you replied simply. It wasn’t really a lie—not entirely a lie. You sipped on your latte, a faraway look in your eyes. “I was so set on a plan that I guess I got nervous about the unknown should I have gone on that trip.”

“Mm, I understand.” He had taken on a softer look now, something more akin to empathy. “It is a little scary, but while I was in Indonesia, I realized I wouldn’t have traded such an experience for anything else."

You set your cup down. "Have you always wanted to dabble in global affairs?"

"Uh, I'm not sure," he said, head tilted upward with a scrunch in his nose. He nudged his glasses up the smooth slope of his sculpted nose. "I was kind of put in a situation where I had to learn a lot of new languages, and I luckily turned out to be pretty good at picking up on them."

"Wow, that's really cool," you chuckled. A talent you definitely envied. And it seemed like Ten had made the decision to pursue this future of his on his own. You wished you could say the same.

From the counter of the café, you heard one of the workers call out your order number for cinnamon rolls, fresh from the oven.

You began to slip off your stool, and Ten spoke up, "Oh, I can totally go get those."

"It's no problem," you chirped, "I'm already down anyway." You were swift to scurry over to the counter and pick up your table's tray of cinnamon rolls with a smile at the worker in deep gratitude. The thick, warm sweetness wafted into your nose, and you inhaled the delights with a blissful grin.

However, as you turned to head back to the table, you halted abruptly, nearly knocking the plates on the tray into each other.

There, standing next to your table and chatting with Ten, were Ji Changmin and Choi Chanhee.

Great.

The sweet dessert smell soured and tasted like acid on your tongue. Bitter, like the taste of hot coffee straight from the pot. You schooled your face into neutrality, but there was no way all of the uncomfortableness could stay away.

You made your way over; the tray was getting heavy.

"—actually here with Yn, Mark, and Yeri—" Ten was pointing your way and you had to control your urge to hide.

Changmin and Chanhee's heads turned in sync, but only Changmin's eyes narrowed at the sight of you. You returned the expression wholeheartedly.

Chanhee held his breath, muttering a "Yikes" under his breath, while Ten observed the interaction with slightly parted lips. Huh.

"Ji."

"Ln."

You deposited the tray onto the table and your biceps sighed in relief. Those four cinnamon rolls truly were quite hefty on their own.

You could still feel Changmin’s eyes on you as you slid onto the stool across from Ten. “Something you’d like to say to me?” You addressed him with ill-suppressed snark.

Changmin’s eyes narrowed. “Nothing that you’ll take into importance anyway. Just didn’t think you would ever hang out with someone from the dance department.”

“Ten’s got a life outside of dance, Changmin,” you replied. You flashed him a thin-lipped smile. “He gets it.”

“And you’re so much better than me for having a so-called life,” he rolled his eyes. “You know, some people are just really passionate about dance—something you seem to still not understand.”

“I really don’t think you want me to bring up the trove of things you don’t understand—”

Chanhee subtly moved over to Ten’s side as the two of them observed the sparring match between you and Changmin. A sigh fell from his lips, and his eyebrows raised up all the way to his pink-dyed hairline.

Ten had taken one of the plates of cinnamon buns in front of him, silently offering Chanhee some. The latter refused, and Ten began to peel away one of the sultry, sweet dough layers. “Is this… normal?” He asked Chanhee under his breath, motioning to the still-bickering couple across from them.

Chanhee snorted. “It’s their mating call.”

It seemed he had said those four words loud enough to catch yours and Changmin’s attention. A miracle, indeed.

“Ew,” both you and Changmin immediately grimaced at Chanhee. Then you looked at one another with a greater degree of disgust. “Stop copying me!”

…Or, less so a miracle, but rather, a tragedy.

Chanhee let out a haggard sigh, eyes sullen to a deadpan. “One of the few things the two of you will ever agree on.”

“The last thing we’ll ever agree on,” Changmin grumbled as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “C’mon Chanhee. We should probably order before JC!Yn and Kei finish loading up the car.”

Changmin was already making his way over to the cashier when Ten managed to get in a final question, “Are you guys coming to the NCT-RVE homecoming tonight?”

“Sure—”

“No.”

Chanhee sent Ten an apologetic look for Changmin’s brusque answer. “Sorry about him. We were thinking of it, but he might be practicing with Juyeon tonight. See you later, Ten—and Yn!” He chased after Changmin, ambushing his friend by practically leaping onto his back and then smacking his shoulder.

Now that Changmin was away from you, the red in your vision had begun to clear away, and you finally remembered the set of delicious cinnamon rolls waiting for you.

Ten propped his cheek against his fist. “So… you and Changmin…”

You made a sour face as you cut off a slice of your cinnamon roll. “What about the gremlin?” You asked. As soon as the buttery, sweet delight hit your tongue, you felt your body lighten and you did a little happy dance in your seat.

Ten chuckled at your behavior. “Lovers gone wrong?”

You choked on the bite.

Your new friend’s eyes widened comically to the size of saucers as he literally pounced across the table to pat your back. “Shit—sorry, Yn. I probably should’ve waited for you to finish swallowing, huh?” He winced when you’d managed to breathe correctly and washed the bite of food down with a sip of coffee. He returned to his perch, letting you recover while he talked through his thoughts. “I don’t mean to pry—actually—” he paused, reconsidering, “—I do mean to pry. Sorry, I’m kind of a sucker for this kind of stuff.”

One of your eyes squinted at him as you massaged your throat. “Yeah, I kind of figured.”

He beamed at you boyishly, the kind of expression that almost had your defenses slipping. Almost. Ten was one slippery fellow. For some reason, you kind of respected him for being upfront about the nosiness, and if you were being honest, if this drama wasn’t yours, you would also be curious about the whole thing.

“Can’t help myself sometimes,” he confessed with a mere shrug. “You don’t owe an explanation or backstory, of course.”

You sucked in a breath, opting to hold back on eating your pastry until you and Ten were done with this topic. “I’m just going to say that Changmin and I were not ‘lovers gone wrong’,” you said, body shuddering.

“Mm,” he hummed. His eyes wandered behind you and over your head, swiftly followed by the action of waving to Changmin and Chanhee on their way out of the cafe. “It’s just interesting to me. Didn’t you just advocate for him the other night at the draft show?”

That rang a bell, unfortunately. “It’s complicated.”

Ten pressed his mouth into a saccharine smile. “I can imagine.”

EPISODE THREE: OFF THE PHONE

THERE was an avid knocking at the laboratory door, usually done by those who didn’t actually work at this specific lab. This lab area was usually reserved for upperclassmen and graduate students and their work.

“Yn-ie, could you get the door, please?” You heard Kun called out to you from his office. It wasn’t just the two of you tonight, but rather, just a few others you didn’t know as well as you did Kun. He often worked late hours like you did, always overworking himself even more as a fresh grad student. You, on the other hand, were trying to finish up this one research paper resulting from last quarter’s research project. If you were lucky, you would be able to send it off to be peer reviewed soon.

You slipped out from behind your workbench and maneuvered the maze of workbenches to head out into the corridor. Exhaustion wore at your bones from having such a long day, but you really did need to get some productive work done so you could focus specifically on your midterms approaching at the end of this week and the beginning of the following week.

However, as you turned the corner into the corridor, you nearly missed your footing. At the end of the hallway where the glass door to the outside was, you found yourself identifying one Ji Changmin and his friend, someone you didn’t recognize. The latter wore a gray hoodie beneath a black puffer vest, and he reacted the opposite to how Changmin did when they caught sight of you.

“Hey! Could you open the door, please?” Not-Changmin hollered through the glass, furiously shaking his sweater-pawed hand down at the door handle.

You didn’t want to. God, you really didn’t want to.

Changmin stared you down, as if daring you to come closer.

You opened the door, and let the cool gust of late February air and two outsiders into the safety and warmth of the laboratory building.

Hoodie Guy shuddered violently to get the cold out of his system. “Jesus, it’s cold outside. Thanks,” he said to you. Then he nudged Changmin with his elbow, as if jolting the man into reality.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, words directed toward Changmin in particular.

His dark bangs were tucked beneath a black beanie with his pair of black headphones hanging around his neck. “You think I want to be here?”

His friend sent him a look, his eyes flickering between you and Changmin furiously until the pieces clicked into his mind. “Well, uh oh…” he muttered while turning away slightly to scratch his head. He gathered his wits then. “Uh, Yn, right?”

You perked up. “Yes.”

“Uh,” he drawled. “We’re actually here for Jacob Bae. You see, we told him we’d come pick him up to take him over to—”

“Is he here?” Changmin asked.

Your eyebrow shot upward. At least they were here for a proper reason. You crossed your arms over your chest, glancing back toward the main laboratory floor way down the hall. Man, the safe zone felt so far away. “He actually just left like, ten minutes ago. Sorry.” The apology was said to Changmin’s friend, the one who seemed to have been able to figure out who exactly you were to Changmin. Not that you were anything to him. And did Changmin just talk about you to all his friends or something—?

“Oh.”

Changmin tapped his friend with the back of his hand. “C’mon Sunwoo. We’ll just meet him over there.”

Sunwoo wrinkled his nose. “I just think it’s weird that he didn’t text us to let us know before we came over here.”

There was a pause and you could practically see the gears in Changmin’s head turning. You would have left them to their own company, but you technically weren’t allowed to leave unauthorized students alone.

It was strange seeing Changmin break into something akin to sheepishness. You saw the dimples appear in the apples of his cheeks as he cupped the back of his neck. “I might not have told him we were coming…”

Sunwoo’s eyes and mouth widened and he whacked his friend with the length of his hoodie sleeve. Changmin let out one of those hyena laughs that set off triggers in your mind. It’d been awhile since you heard that… “Hyung! You’re so unreliable sometimes, oh my god. Even Eric would have remembered to tell him!”

Changmin made a noise of dismissal, slinging an arm around his friend. “Ah, it’s fine. We’ll just meet him there—as you said.”

“Worst texter award goes to,” Sunwoo rolled his eyes.

“I guess some things never change.” The words slipped out of your mouth before you could stop yourself, and both Sunwoo and Changmin suddenly remembered that you were in the hallway with them. Sunwoo had perked up as if he were surprised you would even comment on their situation, but Changmin cut an unreadable expression your way. You didn’t want to read into it.

“You literally forgot to answer a text I sent for three days,” Changmin quipped.

Well, if he was going to play the back and forth game. “That was once out of how many other times,” you scoffed. “You refused to answer anyone’s texts in the mornings anyway, so don't get on my case about that.”

“He did that to you, too?!” Sunwoo cut in with fire behind his words.

You could’ve sworn you saw the slightest bit of blush grace Changmin’s cheekbones as you hid a laugh behind your hand. “He did that to everyone—”

“Hey, I’m better over call; you know that!” Changmin argued. “Sunwoo, you can’t even talk about being a bad texter. I have to hunt for you on discord sometimes to get a straight answer.”

Sunwoo groaned, “Yah! Whatever. It’s still better than your average three-business-day reply speed.”

Changmin stammered, “It is not an average of three business days.” If your ears were not deceiving you, Ji Changmin was whining. “It’s a couple hours at least.”

“A couple hours means half a day,” you said to Sunwoo.

Changmin whipped his attention back to you, finger jabbed accusingly in your direction. “Hey, missy! You always fell asleep on-call, even when you promised that you would stay up to help me study.”

You shook your head. “Not my fault! You know that I always fell asleep around midnight back then.”

“Well, back then—”

“Is everything okay out here?”

Everything in the corridor came to a stand still, and Changmin closed his mouth, mid-sentence. Kun had his head poking out of the door to the main floor, a crease pressed between his brows and right above the rim of his thin spectacles. He eyed the two non-laboratory students with a slight grimace. Of course, Kun was aware of who Changmin was. He could recognize him because of his famed performer reputation on campus, but he knew his history with you because you had spent far too many late nights here at the lab with things plaguing your mind. You and Kun both had a problem with trouble sleeping and being workaholics.

You turned slightly to Kun. “Yeah, everything’s okay, Kun-ge.”

He sent you an unimpressed look.

“We,” Changmin piped up as he urged Sunwoo to the door, “were just leaving.” The mirth and fire from the bickering just a few seconds ago had faded, and you could feel him slipping away.

Kun drummed his fingers along the doorframe, eyebrows shooting up for a second. “Oh-kay… Yn-ie, Ten says he’s right around the corner and asks if you want some company walking home.”

The door to the laboratory behind you was held open, and the night breeze brushed through your hair. When you looked back, you saw that Changmin had stalled in the door for a second. But, it had only been that second before he and his friend were gone.

“Oh.” You made your way over to Kun. “That’s really cool of him. I’d love that.” Some company on a late-night walk back to your apartment did not sound bad at all. You’d done plenty of trips on your own, but sometimes having even one person with you would have been nice.

Kun nodded, pursing his lips, as the two of you walked into the main lab together and toward his office off to the side. “Okay, I’ll let him know. You’re for sure okay though? That must have been… not nice, seeing Changmin here.”

You gave a stiff shrug, your hip leaning against the door of his office while Kun settled back at his desk. “It’s fine,” you said. To be honest, you weren’t even sure if that was a lie or not. You’d heard Changmin laugh for the first time in years. You’d seen the dimples in his cheeks, the sheepishness in his expression—you swallowed.

Once upon a time, you associated all of those things with something like happiness. Your happiness.

Kun fixed you with a pointed look. “If you need to talk.”

You gave a firm nod. “I know where to find you.”

He clicked his tongue, shooting you a finger gun, then shooed you off to finish your work and pack your things. Ten was just around the corner, after all.

EPISODE FOUR: OFF THE RECORD

CHANGMIN liked to think that he became nosy, and that he wasn't born this way. But ever since he overheard that Kun guy asking about Ten wanting to walk you home, he couldn't help but wonder…

He shook his head, brushing his hair out of his eyes and off his forehead, before those same bangs flopped back into their place. He walked back onto the main stage of the performing arts hall to the soundtrack of a hype playlist blasting from the ears of his headphones. As he made his way past groups and individuals doing their own thing, he absentmindedly searched for one person in particular.

Conveniently, he found Ten setting himself up right by Changmin's things. He was shouldering off his black puffer jacket, rolling the material up into a manageable ball to shove into his duffle bag.

"Hey," Changmin greeted, bending down slightly to grab his water bottle.

Ten straightened and flashed him a smile. "Hey."

It wouldn't be awkward would it? Probably not. Just be cool about it, Changmin. He smiled slightly, the dimples in his cheeks disarming his acquaintance. "I didn't know you and Yn were close."

Your name felt so… foreign, yet familiar, on his tongue. It was like tasting déjà vu, like eating a treat from childhood that had been associated with good feelings, but he couldn't decide if it was still as good as he remembered or a trick of his mind.

The mention of your name brought a jolt of energy to Ten's body and Changmin saw the man lean into the conversation. Curious… "Oh? Well, I mean—" he gave a shrug, "—she's really cool. She just seems like a good person to get to know, y'know? Why do you ask?"

Changmin couldn't tell how much he trusted the slight narrowing of Ten's feline eyes. There was no way you hadn't mentioned him to Ten at some point or another. To be honest, he didn't like the feeling of you still lingering in his head if he didn't linger in yours. It meant a myriad of things that he loathed to admit.

He let the feeling slide away, let his mouth tilt upward like his eyes to the spotlights in the ceiling. "Just be…" He shook his head. "Nothing. It's nothing." He flicked his wrist, as he spun his water bottle cap on tight. "You can forget about it."

Ten sent him a look that Changmin pointedly ignored.

Somewhere within the depths of the performing arts center, Changmin could hear the howling laughter of his friend Hyunjae as he most likely bugged his best friend out of her mind, both to her chagrin and her delight. That was another can of worms entirely.

Ten piped up as he settled onto the backstage floor while Changmin mentally went through some of the problem sets he had to review today. "If you don't mind me asking, why are you and Yn on such… uneven ground with each other?"

There it was. Changmin snorted. "Uneven ground? I don't even know if we're on the same ground."

"You're both really friendly people," Ten added, "so it just doesn't make sense to me."

Changmin pursed his lips. He never felt the need to divulge this stuff to anyone but his friends, but he didn't know what Ten already knew. He didn't know what you told him, but based on the fact that Ten wasn't looking at him the same way you did… Changmin scratched the back of his head and leaned his side against the wall to face him. "Something happened a long time ago. I guess we just both hold a grudge well."

Ten huffed a laugh in response. "Remind me never to get on your bad side then," he joked.

— ✶

There was a buzz about the university newspaper room. The Daily had only a handful of crew members onboard, mainly because it was so selective. Over the past few years that you had been apart of the staff, you and a few others had gradually loosened the reputation of the Daily's elitist interview process—there was still some level of intimidation that ensured the publication took on the hard workers and not those simply looking for an extracurricular to put on their resume though.

So when there was talk of a new staff member, everyone knew about it.

You let yourself in the door with a sigh, brushing the hair from your eyes held up with a random, blue claw clip you found on your bathroom sink. The bus had been late this morning because it broke down, but you luckily were able to make it to your lecture on time. You had run over here for a quick meeting that Kim Doyoung had summoned you for, no doubt about the new hire.

"Hey guys," you said as you passed by clusters of desks piled with copyedits and heads buried in monitor screens. The sounds of typing stopped briefly with each head you walked past:

"Yn!"

"Hi Yn!"

"Sup Yn—HEY! I just did my hair this morning!" Mark yelped, hands smoothing down the braids in his hair.

You giggled as you patted his head. "Your hair needs a break, Mark."

As you disappeared around the corner, you heard him shout back, "So do you, but you never hear me complaining!"

You rolled your eyes with an ill-concealed smile. The door to Doyoung's little editor in chief office was right down the hall next to the office for the sponsoring professor. As much as you and the others teased him about getting the "Boss man" office, he always complained to you about being on edge with the professor's office next door. You didn't quite understand since Professor Woo was almost never in his office anyway, but you supposed you could see.

Doyoung's door was open, and the fourth year's head perked up at the sound of your voice and nearing footsteps. He didn't even wait for you to knock or say hi, before beckoning you inside. "Yn, thank god you know how to hustle. Close the door on your way in. Thanks."

Your eyebrows shot up at the terseness in his tone, but didn't question him until you'd closed the door and settled into the chair opposite him. His desk, much like those outside, was covered in a sea of paper, with his laptop being the only land in sight. "What's up? You sound stressed."

He shot you a look over the rims of his thin glasses. "When am I not stressed?"

"Valid."

"Okay," he began with a sigh that made your concern rise just a bit more, "you know the situation with our performing arts review section, right?"

You nodded. "Of course."

The situation with the performing arts review section of the paper was inherently a mess. For a handful of years, the performing arts section was written under a pseudonym (lovingly dubbed Opera Glasses)—the identity of the reviewer was anonymous—which was a product of an incident a few years ago where a performer was unhappy with a review left by someone on the paper and came to ask, very unkindly, for a rewrite. Since then, the paper had been swallowed up by so much that finding a permanent writer or reviewer for the section became less and less of a priority.

When you joined the publishing team, it had been in the middle of freshman year when you were also putting your application out for research projects. Joining had felt like the right thing to do, as much as it was an act of rebellion against your mother and your childhood. They had asked if you knew anything about dance of all things.

And well, you did know.

You'd written one piece—one piece that was entirely you. It had been for one of the dancers just debuting at his first winter showcase. Since then, you couldn't stomach writing another one or watching another one.

You ghost wrote, you edited, you advised—but you stuck to putting your energy into covering the STEM-related sections of the paper now.

So Doyoung already knew your relationship with the performing arts review section. "Well," he cleared his throat, making a vague flourish with his hand, "I'm sure you already know that I just interviewed a new prospective recruit. I was wondering if you would be willing to take them under your wing and to show them the ropes."

Oh. That wasn't exactly what you expected him to say. Your heart kicked up for an entirely new reason, however. You'd always wanted to be someone's mentor. To be someone's older sister. "I mean, yeah. I'd love to," you stammered, a smile slowly curling onto your lips. "That would be really cool."

Doyoung sighed, his shoulders sinking in relief. "Thank you."

"But wait." You cocked your head to the side as you asked, "What does Opera Glasses have to do with this?"

"I want her to eventually take over for it," he explained. "She knows quite a bit about theater and music—little less about dance, though. I know that you have your issues with the dance department, but out of everyone here, you probably understand dance stuff the most. I just ask that you help her out a little with that, and maybe even introduce her to some of the people there so we can ease her in with interviews—"

You opened your mouth to interrupt him, but he sent you a pointed look. He continued, "Just hear me out, okay? If you're uncomfortable at all, you can back out. And you don't even have to back out right now or completely; maybe you could have Mark introduce her to Jungwoo for interviews, and you can just stick to the behind-the-scenes stuff."

Doyoung exhaled. "Okay, so what are your thoughts?"

You worried your bottom lip between your teeth. What did you think… What did you think?

Even the thought of stepping foot into a practice room made the yelling and screams echo in the caverns of your mind. But you'd missed them—missed the polished wood floors, the floor-to-ceiling mirrors, the people. God, you couldn't even stay away from the people if you tried, no matter how much you tried convincing yourself you could.

You weren't fooling anyone.

You swallowed. You'd always wanted to be a big sister.

What was the harm in giving this a try?

(Changmin. You'd probably run into Changmin a lot more often than if you didn't accept. But you could see him from that one night: the sheepishness, the dimples, the laugh. Why couldn't you get over that interaction?)

You mustered up your courage and straightened in your seat. "I'll still do it. When do we start?"

EPISODE FIVE: OFF THE MARK

IT turned out that Doyoung intended for you and your new recruit, Bae Sumin, to get started right away. With the winter showcase only a couple weeks away, it was imperative that the two of you dived right in.

"—so what made you interested in joining the team?" You asked, shoving your hands into your jacket pockets to hide signs of nervousness from your underclassman peer. The two of you were walking from the Daily's newsroom and over to the performing arts center. It was about a ten minute walk, but you figured that it would give you two the opportunity to get to know one another.

Sumin was a multimedia major, as you had been told earlier when the two of you just met for the first time in the entryway of the Daily newsroom. She was cute and well-dressed—she wore a pleated skirt and sweater with a white collar peeking through. Her smile was dazzling, and reminded you of someone who would do well on stage. No wonder she had theater and performing experience.

"Oh!" She shot you one of those dazzling smiles, her hand shooting up to shift the white, fluffy earmuffs seated over her head. "I actually had a cousin who came here and shared with me some of the Daily's earlier issues. She always said it was kind of competitive to get in, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to try."

You bobbed your head. "That's really cool." A small laugh fell from your lips, "I'm glad you did try! Lots of people just assume they're gonna get turned away and they don't try at all, you know?"

Sumin hummed in understanding.

Something had settled nicely in your chest throughout this walk. Even if your past anxieties were beginning to bubble up to the surface at the sight of the nearing performing arts buildings, Sumin's easy conversation calmed you. It was one less thing to worry about.

Yesterday, when Doyoung had proposed this job for you, you had asked Mark to accompany you and Sumin to the arts buildings. He couldn't walk with you two, but he promised to meet you there. Now, you were kind of glad you got to have this bit of bonding time with her.

“I think Doyoung said that I should introduce you to a few people in particular,” you said offhandedly and pulled your phone out to check yours and Doyoung’s text thread.

Sumin did the same, most likely taking out any notes she had taken from Doyoung’s instructions. “Yeah, something like Lee Minho, Kim Jungwoo… the Hwang?—the Hwang siblings, uhm and Ji Changmin…?”

Your footing faltered for a second, and Sumin asked if you were all right, but you recovered quickly. You let out an embarrassed laugh, feeling heat crawl up your neck. Why in the world did his name catch you off guard like that? Maybe it was because you assumed Doyoung would just let you avoid Changmin, but realistically, if Sumin was going to do an interview with the dance department’s most prominent members, then there was no avoiding Changmin.

You just had to suck it up and be an adult about it.

It was three years ago… What was the big deal?

But as you moved to open the door to the backstage area for Sumin with your ID card, you felt your throat tighten in on itself. You forced a smile to your face as you let Sumin go in before you so you could turn your head out to inhale a large lungful of fresh air. Then, you ducked in after her.

The backstage corridors were as hustle n' bustle as you expected them to be. The lights were dim-looking from the black walls and floors marred with scuff marks from years upon years of use. It was an overwhelming tidal wave of sensory details—what, with the clashing sounds of chatter and music, the smell of some kind of polish (or maybe that was resin?), the warmth of energy in the air and all around you.

The hairs on the back of your neck stood like you could sense someone was coming this way.

You gestured down the opposite direction to Sumin. “Come on; I’m pretty sure they’re down this way.”

It was a curious thing, memory. You could recall late nights of catching the bus to these very practice rooms and backstage rooms from when you were in high school. Performing on the stage was a whole other experience in itself, and though part of you missed it, there were other feelings that dominated the hints of nostalgia now.

You could hear the chatter even clearer now, even if their words were muddled.

The door to one of the larger practice rooms were left ajar, and though you only peered in, you felt the warmth hit you like a wave. Your throat was closing up again—breathe—

“Hey,” you said into the room, catching quite a few eyes. From an initial scan, you determined that Changmin wasn’t amongst the crush of people socializing in here, and you couldn’t identify the feeling manifesting in the pit of your stomach.

Jungwoo was the first to bound over toward you, swiftly followed by Minho and Hyunjin, one of the Hwang siblings. “Yn-ie! I can’t believe you actually came. I thought Doyoung was joking.”

A smile made its way onto your lips and you accepted Jungwoo’s side hug. “Yeah, well Doyoung doesn’t joke around.”

“He really doesn’t,” Hyunjin said with a grimace. “He’s kind of scary, that one.”

“If you can survive Minho,” you said to him, “then you can survive Doyoung.”

Minho made a face at you. “What have I ever done to you, Yn?”

Nothing; this is just me trying to pretend I’m not seconds away from quivering like a leaf in the wind. You laughed. “Nothing yet. Guys, I'd like you to meet Sumin. She’s our new recruit at the Daily, and she’s gonna be the one conducting interviews for the winter showcase this year.”

Sumin didn’t need much prompting to smile and wave at your friends in that same charming way. “Hi, nice to meet you!”

The three dancers before you replied in kind. Jungwoo offered to introduce her to some of the others in the room, and before you knew it, she was swept away.

Hyunjin made a comment about needing to go check up on a friend of his, leaving you and Minho chatting to the side of the room.

“Wow,” Minho said offhandedly as the two of you watched Jungwoo and Sumin work their way around the room, “she’s a natural at this. Where’d Kim find this one?”

“She saw some of our older issues,” you replied. You watched as Sumin ignited a sort of brightness in every conversation she started. You struggled to swallow; now that you didn’t feel obligated to keep up appearances, especially in front of Sumin, your jitteriness was beginning to come on just a little stronger. You absentmindedly massaged your throat, willing it to loosen up.

Minho glanced over at you, his eyes catching your anxious actions. “Must have a lot of confidence in her if he’s throwing her straight into taking charge of interviews. How’re you holding up?” The latter was said lowly and under his breath in case someone just happened to be close enough to catch onto your conversation.

Minho didn’t know your history with the dance department as thoroughly as your close friends did, but it didn’t take a genius to see that you weren’t at your absolute best right now. You gave a stiff shrug. “I’m alright,” you managed to say.

He nodded, though it was probably more for your sake than him saying he believed you. “It’s funny,” he drawled, “one might think that by sending you here on behalf of the paper, that you were behind Opera Glasses.”

Now that, you could let out a genuine chuckle at.

Minho gauged your reaction but smiled to himself. He wasn’t one to really care for the drama and gossip side that came privy to the performing arts review section, but you couldn’t blame him if he was curious.

“That would be really stupid if that was the case,” you mused.

“It would be,” he agreed. “Is this a sign that this will be the end of Opera Glasses then? Finally a face to the name?”

You pursed your lips. “Actually, I’m not too sure what Doyoung will end up doing. I’m sure he’ll call for a board meeting to decide what the review’s fate will be, but it’s not exactly our top priority—”

Your voice and words trailed off as your eyes met a pair coming into the practice room. You and Changmin froze at the sight of one another, two deer caught in headlights, and you felt your heart palpitate violently in your chest. Your breath left your lungs—his expression was filled with surprise, until it morphed into something you couldn’t read.

“What are you doing here?” He deadpanned.

Minho’s eyebrows shot up. “You didn’t know Yn was stopping by? We all got the email from Director Lee, man.”

Changmin pressed his mouth together and it made the dimple in his cheek deepen. He looked you up and down, and he opened his mouth to say something else, but paused when you unconsciously brushed your thumb against the hollow of your throat. (Dear god, why couldn’t you breathe? Breathe, breathe, breathe—)

He seemed to lose whatever he was going to say. You swore the sharpness in his gaze softened.

But then his jaw tightened; you didn’t know why. “I didn’t think you’d actually show,” he muttered under his breath.

Ouch.

The words from his mouth pricked uncomfortably at the back of your mind. You found your voice again. “I’ll be gone before you know it,” you replied tersely.

Your response touched a nerve for him, too. He cut his attention to the rest of the practice room. “Where’s your new girl?”

“Over there,” you said, inclining your head across the room where Sumin and Hwang Yeji were currently swapping contact information. Something soared in your chest at the sight, but you couldn’t tell if it was pride or envy.

Without any additional prompting, you watched Changmin make his way toward Sumin and away from you. You didn’t realize you were holding in a breath until you finally exhaled—

“Yn! Sorry I’m late.” Mark bumbled into the practice room, wiping a drop of sweat from his forehead as he quite literally crashed against the wall next to you and Minho. He was panting and gasping for breath, and you and Minho couldn’t help but express your amusement.

“It’s all cool, dude,” you assured while patting his head.

“I should probably get back to it,” Minho said as he began walking away from you and Mark. “Nice to see you, Mark. Feel free to take a water bottle from the green room.”

Mark thumped his head against the wall with his eyes closed. “Thanks, man,” he huffed.

With a snicker under his breath, Minho went his separate way.

You gave Mark a moment to catch a breath or two, and you slid down next to him against the practice room wall. Folding your knees up against your chest, you copied Mark’s position with his head tilted back as you both inhaled through your nostrils and breathed out through slightly parted lips. While Mark might have been trying to get a moment of rest from (no doubt) running here from the bus stop, you were trying to steady yourself.

The anxiety was starting to make your hands feel numb cold.

“You don’t have to stay, y’know,” came Mark’s voice, followed by the back of his hand gently nudging your arm. When your eyes fluttered open, you found him already looking at you. “You asked for my help; you can go take a breather outside and come back in—or maybe don’t—whatever you’re comfortable with. This can’t be easy.”

You were struggling to swallow again. One of your hands drummed messily against your kneecap. “It’s—” you shook your head, “—I’ll be okay. Thanks for coming though.”

“Yeah, dude. Of course.”

Something prodded at the side of your head, like someone was staring at you, but when you turned to see, it was just Changmin talking to Sumin. They were both smiling and making good conversation, it seemed.

You let out a sigh and closed your eyes again. Wishful thinking.

— ✶

Mark stayed behind to “vibe” with the remaining dancers still at the performing arts building while you and Sumin pushed out into the crisp, cool evening. Even after walking all the way to the bus station, your hands were still numb, and the cold definitely wasn’t helping.

“How do you feel about the dance interviews now?” You found yourself asking Sumin as the two of you sat on the bench at the station waiting for the bus to come pick the two of you up.

Sumin beamed. “I definitely feel a bit more secure about conducting them. I’ll definitely need some help with dance terminology and editing and stuff though.”

You nodded. “No problem at all.”

“The people are all really so chill and nice…” Your eyes definitely weren’t tricking you when you saw the bashfulness that her expression took on, and the little giggle you heard could not have been the wind. “Especially Changmin.”

Ha. What.

A weight fell to the pit of your stomach. Maybe you were hearing things… “Sorry?”

She blinked, and the blush on her cheekbones darkened. “Oh, haha, it’s nothing! I just… he was really sweet, and he has a really pretty smile and stuff—do you—uh, do you know if his previous dance showcase performances are online?”

(Something about that detail—he has a really pretty smile—rang a bell for you.)

It was really an innocent question, but you knew if Sumin went searching online for Changmin, and if she went deep enough, she’d find you there, too. You sucked in a breath. “I can—” you winced inwardly, “—send you some of his performances, if you want?”

You couldn’t deny the warm and fuzzy feeling in your chest when Sumin practically lit up at your suggestion. “Would you? I would really appreciate it, Yn! You’re the best.”

From your periphery, you saw the bus approach from down the street, and you gestured for the both of you to stand up and get your ID cards ready to board. You sent her a small smile—at least it felt good to help her out. You could pretend for a second that this was just a little crush or infatuation on some other colleague of yours that Sumin had. “Yeah, no worries.” No worries at all.

EPISODE SIX: OFF THE [TOP OF YOUR] HEAD

FRIDAY night brought you, Seungkwan, and Doyoung to the hotpot place located in the university district. The three of you were the unconventional combination of your friends, but Kun and Ten were supposedly on their way over as of five minutes ago. Thus, with the last of your party nearing, the three of you deigned to begin ordering almost everything off the menu—just to whet your appetites, of course.

Doyoung slumped down in his seat across from you and Seungkwan as soon as the waiter left to input your table's hefty order. "Ugggggggh."

Seungkwan snorted. "Ah, my favorite sound."

Doyoung passed him a dirty look over his lenses. "Is that sarcasm I hear, Boo Seungkwan?"

"I have no idea what you mean," he said with feigned innocence as he looked away and scratched the side of his head.

You chuckled to yourself, drawing your phone out from the inner pocket of your puffer jacket when you heard the series of buzzes. Your screen lit up with notifications from Sumin, all of them thanking you profusely for the spam of links you'd sent her way. These were on top of the videos you had dug up from your secret locked folder in your phone—and here you were, wondering why in the world you were doing this to yourself and for her?

"I can't decide if I dread Doyoung's noises of discontent or your expressions of pain more," Seungkwan commented, effectively pulling your focus away from your phone.

Both of your friends were now looking at you, patiently awaiting your answer to what ailed you tonight. Where should you begin?

"I'm not in pain," you scoffed. You set your phone facedown on the table next to you to avoid looking at the notifications. Huh. "Did I look like I was in pain?"

Doyoung's smile was wide like his eyes as he nodded. "Yup," he chirped in that sweet sarcasm of his. "Like you'd just watched a video of someone stubbing their toe against a doorframe."

Seungkwan blinked. "That's so—specific."

"You do not want to know what my For You Page looks like—"

You recreated the look of pain from earlier, holding your palm up. "Respectfully, Doie? I don't."

Seungkwan let out another snort of delight and had to hold a hand in front of his mouth.

Doyoung leveled a half-hearted scowl at you. "You're lucky I'm not your boss right now."

"As opposed to every other moment in time?"

"You have a mouth on you tonight."

"I do like to use it every so often," you quipped, the corner of your mouth lifting in an amused smirk.

Doyoung sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "I don't get paid enough for this."

"You're literally not getting paid at all—" Your words were sliced off at their end when you gasped—it was all a blur: a mass of reddish-brown hair, your phone snatched from right in front of you— "SEUNGKWAN!"

Seungkwan held his breath with an impish grin as he turned his back to you and shielded your phone from your attempts to get it back. "I just wanna see!" He said with a cackle. "Every time you've looked at your phone today, you looked like you wanted to fall into an abyss."

You glared at him, pulling away to cross your arms firmly over your chest. "You can't just steal my phone, dude!"

"What's so important on your phone anyway, Yn-ie?" Doyoung asked good naturedly, reaching for his glass of ice water. "You're usually not so attached to that thing."

Your lips snapped shut and you wondered if the heat creeping up to your face was obvious.

"You've been sending Changmin videos to Sumin?!" Seungkwan bursted out, his eyes so wide that you could see your reflection in his pupils. As you'd feared, Seungkwan still had his fingerprint registered into your phone from before (long story; don't ask), and had cracked the device open, as well as your most recently opened application—yours and Sumin's text messages.

You did nothing but stare at the table like you were getting war flashbacks, while Doyoung had even gotten up out of his seat to take a peek at your phone, too.

"I haven't even seen this video before," Seungkwan hissed as if you weren't right there.

You fixed them both with a stink eye, but at the same time, maybe this was for your benefit. They could help you without you actually asking for help—

Doyoung's face contorted into a laughable expression of shock (eyes wide, mouth wider, eyebrows pinched, nose wrinkled) as he viewed what Seungkwan had selected. "Oh my god. He's a child in this!"

"Actually he was a senior in high school—" You slapped a hand over your mouth. Whoops.

Both of their heads whipped over toward you. "I thought you deleted all your high school shit!" They chorused together. If it had been any other situation or context, you might have laughed at the hilarity if it all.

Instead, you averted your gaze, making a show of looking for the waiter or maybe even Kun or Ten. What was taking them so long anyway?

"Yn," Seungkwan addressed with a tone akin to that of a parent on the verge of lecturing their child, "what in the name of god are you sending Sumin and why?"

Helpless, you held both your palms up in a sheepish shrug. "The kid has a crush on him, and being the best mentor figure ever, I… did some compiling for her." You paused, "Now that I say it out loud, it does sound pretty stupid."

Doyoung returned to his seat. "Ya think?"

You wrinkled your nose at him. "Hey! Sometimes, some of us have bad nights and we wanna feel something." Out of context, this was a really suspicious conversation.

"Isn't this just you torturing yourself?"

Seungkwan slapped his hand against the table, and both you and Doyoung startled. "That's it! I'm calling for an intervention."

Your mouth parted open. "Right now?"

He deadpanned at you. "No, when Kun and Ten get here—of course, right now!"

You returned his deadpan expression. The adrenaline from all this back and forth was slowly fading, and what you were left with was something that felt like emptiness. So… now they knew.

Doyoung and Seungkwan exchanged looks with another from across the table, but it was the former who spoke first. "Why do you still have videos from back then, Yn-ie? I thought you told us you deleted them all?"

"I mean, we're not trying to be judgmental or anything," Seungkwan added firmly, but not unkindly, "they're your videos and photos, your past and memories, but… based on everything you've already told us before, wouldn't it be best to delete them?"

You didn't like the emptiness. The adrenaline had stripped you of energy and confidence when it faded. "I," you stammered, "I just… I couldn't bring myself to delete them." Your voice was quiet, almost inaudible compared to the liveliness of the hotpot shop around you and your friends. "I mean, how could I? Sometimes, I want to watch them and try to find the courage to say that I'm sorry first."

Yeah, you wanted to feel something. That "something" was actually a lot of things—courage, happiness, nostalgia, anger, melancholy, love, passion, pride. A life and childhood you had lost; who's fault was it but your own? You felt nothing short of pathetic.

Seungkwan frowned deeply, his eyes softening. He leaned forward and drew you into his embrace, his hold warm and comforting. "Oh, Yn. I'm sorry; I shouldn't have pried like that."

You wrapped your arms around him, eyes shuddering closed. "Yeah, you shouldn't have."

He grunted into your shoulder, a noise of defiance and attitude.

Doyoung had a similar expression of sympathy present on his face. You didn't often see something like that from him, but after years of friendship and working together, you'd begun to see a lot more of him. "I'm sorry too, Yn. It probably still hurts, and I know I was probably really insensitive when I asked you to introduce Sumin to the dance department—"

"Hey guys! Sorry we're late."

Everyone jolted at the sight of Kun and Ten arriving at your table. Kun sent Ten a sharp look along with a sharp jab with his elbow for interrupting. Kun shot you an apologetic look. "Sorry, we didn't interrupt anything, did we?"

You shook your head as Seungkwan pulled away. Doyoung and Seungkwan were both looking to you to make the decision of whether or not you would let Kun and Ten in on the prior conversation.

No, you didn't want to put a damper on dinner any longer. "Ah, no worries. We were just… discussing a couple work things. What took you guys so long?"

Luckily, no one (namely Ten) called you out and the two newcomers slid into their respective seats. Dinner would arrive soon, and you could fill your belly with something other than negative thoughts for once.

— ✶

boss bunny: hey, i didn't get a chance to say this earlier, but i'm so sorry for expecting u to introduce sumin to the dance dept

boss bunny: i didn't think at all abt how that might trigger u, and i still want u to know that u can back out whenever u feel uncomfortable. seriously.

your phone: it's okay, doyoung. i get it, i really do. and i promise that it didn't feel like u were forcing me or assuming that i would do it either

your phone: i knew it would probably trigger me like this too, but i kind of really wanted to be someone's mentor yk? it just… called to me ig

your phone: sounds kind of sad lol

boss bunny: nonono! not at all :( i understand that too

boss bunny: i admire ur strength, yn

your phone: DOIE 🥺

boss bunny: …okay love u and all, but let's not use that emoji yeah? T-T

your phone: okay wtv 🤧 now stop texting cuz ten is starting to realize ur not slick at this

boss bunny: AM TOO. >:(

— ✶

"He kept looking at his phone and then at you, like, every five seconds," Ten giggled, his shoulder absentmindedly brushing against yours as the two of you strolled side by side through the numbing cold night. Dinner had concluded just about half an hour ago, and while Kun ferried Doyoung and Seungkwan home, you and Ten decided to head down a few blocks to get milk tea and hang out.

You clapped your hands together in delight, your laughter lighting up the night. “That’s what I’m saying! He just wasn’t subtle about it and he kept arguing with me that he was.” You shook your head, tongue darting out to lick your lips, “It’s okay though. I think Dad Doyoung’s antics are charming.”

Ten grinned. “Dad Doyoung? I think he’s more of an uncle; ‘Dad’ is Kun’s title.”

“Fair enough.”

“Ayo, Ten!”

Both yours and Ten’s heads whipped upward at the sound of his name being called. You didn’t actually recognize the voice, but when you saw the lineup of four young men coming toward you from the opposite end of the street, you didn’t need to recognize it. Because, well, you recognized their faces.

Huh, you had been running into Changmin and his like a lot more often recently.

Heading straight for you was Changmin, Chanhee, Juyeon, and—you thought his name was Kevin. Kevin was the one who had called out to Ten, and he waved excitedly over to your friend. Based on Changmin’s not-so-subtle frown at Kevin, you could assume that this was not expected. Maybe he was going to advocate crossing the whole street to avoid you.

“Oh, hey Kev!” Ten greeted back cheerily, glancing at you beside him. “Do you know Kevin and Juyeon?”

You bobbed your head. “Briefly,” you replied. The two of your groups met in the middle, two blockades in the smack middle of the sidewalk. Impromptu meetups like this always seemed to end up clogging up the sidewalk for some reason.

After a swift greeting, Chanhee was already gesturing to the direction his group had already been headed in. “Hey, I’ll probably run up the street and get us a table. Haknyeonie says the tables fill up fast after eight o’clock.”

Juyeon perked up. “Oh, I’ll come with!”

Chanhee made eye contact with Changmin from across the group, and a silent form of communication passed between them. You watched this happen quietly, standing to the side with your hands tucked into your pockets while Ten and Kevin caught up from the last time they saw each other (apparently, it was a drawing and painting course from last quarter). However, instead of leaving with Chanhee and Juyeon, Changmin lingered with the three of you.

He naturally came to stand semi-close to you since he wasn’t exactly a part of the “drawing and painting” conversation. The frown from earlier had disappeared, though, and you didn’t know if you could call that a win or not.

Perhaps to you, the tension between the two of you was palpable. There were… far too many things up in the air at this moment, and it was nearly impossible for you to figure out just one thing to start with.

Plus, now was no time to get into all of that baggage. You needed to finish that intervention with Doyoung and Seungkwan before you could handle that kind of conversation—at least, that was what you would have preferred.

But for now, you found yourself clearing your throat and sparing him a glance. “Hey.”

Changmin’s eyes darted over to yours in ill-concealed surprise. “Hey.”

And that was that.

Luckily, Ten nor Kevin dragged on their conversation longer than it needed to be, and soon, you and Ten were passing by Kevin and Changmin as both parties went their separate ways. (You were going to pretend that you hadn’t looked back to watch Changmin walk away. Definitely not.)

“All good?” Ten asked, though, his voice was quieter than it had been before.

You could meet his eyes and nod. “Yeah.”

Ten followed up with an idle sort of humming noise, like he was one of those really loud computer fans (what in the world led you to think of that—?), “A few days ago, I kind of asked Changmin what the deal between the two of you was.”

“Oh?” Nervousness bubbled up the column of your throat. “What’d he say?”

He gave a shrug. “Something like a long-standing grudge.”

You let out a laugh that didn’t exactly sound like a laugh. “Well, I guess that’s one way to put it.” Was that how you would put it? In a way, that was what it was, but there was so much more to that, wasn’t there? Did Changmin think so little of what transpired between the two of you or was he just trying to deflect Ten’s interrogation?

The two of you had arrived at the tea shop by now, and Ten opened the door for you. The shop’s insides were warm and bright, and the tables were already filled up with fellow students who decided to hang out with friends on their Friday evening. You and Ten shifted over to the self-order kiosks to the side of the room and continued your conversation in low volumes.

“How would you put it then?” He asked. When you looked over at him, you realized that there was something scarily disarming about his eyes. “No pressure, of course. I mean, you can call me out on being nosy whenever; I figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask.”

You pursed your lips as you turned back to the screen to absentmindedly swipe down the page to find your preferred order. On the inside, you fought for the right words. “Changmin and I were best friends since we were kids,” you started, inputting your preferred level of sugar and ice like clockwork, “and we met through dance.”

Ten nodded to signal he was still listening, and the two of you swapped places so he could input his order.

You cracked your knuckles and rubbed your palms together to generate some kind of heat between them. “I didn’t really like dance at first. It was just one of those things my parents put me in to occupy my time after school and while they were working. But… well, you know how Changmin is with dance—it was and is his livelihood.”

“Even then?”

A nod. “Even then.”

When your orders were paid for, the two of you moved to a quiet corner of the shop to wait for your number to be called from the counter. You leaned your side against the wall next to Ten, your eyes staring blankly at a crack in the floor. “He was actually the reason I grew to love dancing,” you confessed. “As we got older and went into high school, sneaking out to practice together and performing together on stage became as easy as breathing air and as normal as…” You shook your head. “It was just a lot easier I think, back then.”

Ten tilted his chin toward you. “What happened between you two, Yn?”

You swallowed roughly. “In my first year of high school, my parents got divorced. I always suspected it would happen, but my mom kind of changed after that.” Your eyebrows crinkled as you recalled the memories of your early teenage years and tried to grapple with an adequate way to express them aloud. “And, to be fair, the more I danced, the more I didn’t want to focus on school work, but my mom became really hard on me about all that and I started to crack down on that stuff.

“Eventually, she got tired of taking me to dance practices and shows, and she blew up at me about how useless dance was going to be if I was going to become a doctor or something like that.”

Ten heard your number being called and nudged you to follow after him. He handed you your drink, and the two of you pushed back out into the chilly night. You didn’t really know where you were trying to go, but you didn’t really care. You both ended up in one of the small parking lots squeezed between two fast food restaurants, and you sat yourself down on the curb.

You continued, “And so, she would purposely forget to come home in time to take me to competitions and rehearsals. By the time I realized she wasn’t coming, I was already late every time. I would start walking myself there and taking the bus instead. Changmin started noticing that I was slacking, but I…”

“He didn’t know?”

“No.” You didn’t want him to know. Maybe it was your stupid pride that was preventing you from admitting that aloud. Maybe you were ashamed that your mom wasn't as accepting of dance as his parents were. You let out a shuddering breath and watched it come out in a visible puff in front of your face. “She made me grow spiteful toward dance,” you said stiffly. “I would be trying to stretch or practice movement in my bedroom while studying for exams, and she would come in and berate me.”

The yelling echoed in your mind, all too vividly. Your mother never physically hurt you, but there were still scars. “She’d discourage me from rehearsals or signing up for competitions by telling me I was nowhere near good enough, that dancing wasn’t going to put food on the table, and that I was—” A complete disappointment. You could pick those exact words out of a line up.

Ten’s eyes glistened with silver in the amber glow of the streetlight above you. “Jesus, Yn. I’m so sorry; that’s—that’s awful.”

You didn’t know how to accept the sympathy, even after having received so much from your other friends already. No matter how many times you retold your story, it was never quite right or in the way your brain wanted to portray it. You didn’t want to portray anyone as the villain; you figured that maybe you could have done something back then to prevent this. (You couldn’t have, actually, and that was the most difficult part to accept.)

“Yeah,” you murmured, setting your drink on the ground as you curled in on yourself slightly. “Anyway, by senior year, Changmin was obviously really into dance and was probably really stressed about auditions and end-of-the-year competitions. We basically… we basically took out our anger on each other. He said some things, I said some things. The rest is history.”

It was quiet for a moment as you let the words sink into the open air. Your chest loosened a bit after being able to tell another person about it, but for the most part, your hands still trembled. You reached for your drink again to take a sip and to force some kind of liquid down your throat.

After a while, Ten piped up, “Yn… I hope you know that you are not whoever your mother was trying to make you believe you were. You’ve probably realized that already—or maybe you’re still working on it—but please know that you’re probably one of the strongest people I know. It must have been really hard for you and I…” He exhaled, “Sorry, I’ve never been great at this.”

You sent him a small smile in return. “It’s okay; I still appreciate it.” After a beat, you added, “I know I act like I hate him, but I still want to see him succeed. I can’t think that ill of him, especially when he wasn’t the only one at fault.”

“Ah, that’s why ‘it’s complicated’, huh? I get that.”

“Yeah.” Your hands—god, if they could just stop shaking—

Ten reached over and covered your hands with one of his, and you let the heat of his palm warm yours. “You’re doing great, Yn. You know that, right?”

You couldn’t choke out an answer to that. You could only really say, “I just miss him sometimes.”

A sad smile. “I know. Maybe he does, too.”

You wanted to laugh, or maybe cry, at that. Anyone who got in the way of Changmin’s passions was no one to him. You would know exactly how that felt.

EPISODE SEVEN: [ROLLS RIGHT] OFF THE TONGUE

WHENEVER Changmin was feeling unsure of himself, he would retreat to his safe space: the practice rooms. Even if it was some time in the ungodly morning, like 2am as it was now, he would make the trek beneath molten gold streetlights and barren cobbled streets. It was the one place where he could focus his energy solely on dance, and forget about everything else.

Once upon a time, it had been your safe space just as much as it was his.

Changmin huffed a sigh as he hiked up the remaining flight of stone stairs that led up to the backdoor area of the performing arts building. It was a handful of hours since he and Chanhee parted ways with Kevin and Juyeon after enjoying dinner together. Chanhee was probably dead asleep by now—he was probably going to wake up and continue studying for his exams anyway.

As he turned to his right, his breath hitched as he caught sight of someone standing right outside the door. Usually, he had no trouble getting in and security wasn’t exactly strict in this area of campus. In fact, he almost never bumped into anyone, as strange as it sounded. Maybe he should have counted his blessings.

But then he recognized your jacket from earlier this evening, the very same one you were wearing while walking next to Ten—practically squished up against each other, two peas in a pod. He didn’t like how irked he was by that detail. He still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that you had said “hey” first.

You weren’t looking at him, rather, your body was completely turned toward the door as if you were trying to decide whether or not you should go in. You were as still as a statue, frozen in time.

The moment, however, faded as quickly as it had come. You must have sensed his presence, and your head whipped around to face him.

There.

His heart leapt into his throat—dear god, why did you look so afraid? And then he noticed that you weren’t frozen still, but rather, channeling all your energy into keeping your body from trembling. Were you cold? What were you doing here so late? Why weren’t you with Ten?

He watched your throat move as you gulped. And then you were walking toward him—no, past him—wait, come back— “So that’s it?”

The grip he had on his duffle bag strap tightened when you stopped next to him just as you were going to walk past him toward the stairs. Your gazes clashed like a pair of twin lightning bolts slicing through the night sky. There had always been a sort of energy between the two of you, and when you were young, he had been so very attracted to that kind of power, one so similar to his… he didn’t think he was mistaken back then.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You said, still there. Your voice was low, but he could detect the edge.

He didn’t know what it was supposed to mean; he just didn’t want you to leave without knowing why you were here. Were you looking for him? “You’re not gonna say anything to me? Why are you here?”

(He swore it wasn’t supposed to come out that brusque-sounding, but he also didn’t know what it was supposed to come out sounding like…? He felt like he didn’t know you anymore.)

There was a narrowing of your eyes, and you both angled your bodies to face one another like a standoff. “No one said I had anything to say to you. And I—” You tripped over your words, “—I don’t know why I’m here. That’s why I was leaving.”

Oh.

Why was he disappointed by that answer?

“So you’re not here with Ten or something?” He asked, unsure what else he could say to keep you here, even for just a couple seconds longer.

Your mouth curled. "Clearly not. Why are you so pressed about me and Ten?"

Changmin pressed his lips together. "I'm not." Okay. Very believable.

The face you made said the same thing. "Okay, yeah. I didn't expect you to care so much anyway."

For a reason he loathed to admit, anger spiked in his blood and he felt the distinct need to defend himself. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know," you replied sarcastically, your volume rising, "maybe it's that you've never really cared that much about things that concerned me in the first place?"

"Now that's rich coming from you."

Your glare pierced his. "Oh, please. As soon as I started slacking—god, it took so little for you to just abandon me."

His jaw fell slack. Where the fuck did this conversation just turn to? "Abandon you? You abandoned me!" He exclaimed, finger flicking between the two of you as if he could impale both of your chests with the sharp edge of his accusations.

"How could I have possibly been the one to abandon you?" Your face contorted with so much more emotion than Changmin had ever seen from you over the past three years. Suddenly, he could see the underlying desperation and devastation hidden beneath the lines of bitterness and anger. His heart sank, but his blood still boiled and pumped. He couldn't get the distinctly awful hole in his chest to stop aching. He could remember exactly when you just stopped coming to practice with him. He could remember exactly the day he gave up hope.

"You—" you stammered, your hand flying to your throat. It was the same action he had seen from you just a few days ago while you were in the practice room. He recognized it as a habit of yours for when you were anxious or overwhelmed because your throat closed in on itself. If that wasn't enough to make him want to lay down his sword… "—you stopped caring. When did you stop caring? I just want to know."

Everything went silent for him, just for a split second. You thought… you thought he stopped caring? How could he ever stop caring about you? Wasn't that why he was so upset in the first place?

And when the world zapped back into play, he was sure his skin was ashen. His throat bobbed. "How could you think so little of me?"

Your forehead creased. "Little? Changmin, you were everything to me."

Dear heart—

You were shaking your head and taking a step away from him then. "You couldn't possibly understand."

Just like that, there was fire in his veins again. "That's because you never gave me a chance to understand!"

You threw a look back at him and again, he could read everything there like an open book, so much unlike the wall he had been met with all this time. "And I can say the exact same thing about you. If you think I kept things from you, Ji Changmin—" you said with the undertone of a snarl, so fierce that, as you turned on your foot to face him again, your breath came out like that of a dragon's smoke, "—then how much have you kept from me?"

His nostrils flared and his hands gestured wildly, vaguely—he pressed his palms to his eyes with a haggard sigh. "Why are you here, Yn?" He asked again, finally. He lowered his hands and took a step toward you. "Are you here just to pick a fight with me?"

You paused.

He watched you open your mouth, then close it.

You pursed your lips, finally murmuring, "No. I didn't come here for you."

For some reason, that hurt even more.

— ✶

The practice room was colder than it usually was.

Changmin kept the lights dim for the sake of his stinging eyes, and he dumped his duffle bag in the corner of the room before making a beeline for the aux cord for the speaker system. He hooked up his phone and opened up his music files, his forehead pressing against the cool mirror wall.

For a moment, he simply let his eyes flutter shut and his lungs to breathe.

You were long gone by now, and Changmin considered just going back to his apartment, but he knew he would just lie in bed awake for hours if he did.

When he opened his eyes, he swiped out of his music and instead went to a file kept deep down in the depths of his storage. He had purposely named it so it would remain at the absolute bottom of the list when alphabetized, and the pass code on it was supposed to dissuade him from accessing it.

Supposed to.

He punched in the four digits of your birthday and the lock clicked open to reveal a hefty file of video after video. There were photos of you, too, somewhere, but the videos were all at the top of the file because of their size. He didn't know what he was gonna do when his phone ran out of storage; he figured that when that day came, it would either be when you and he finally figured shit out, or he got closure and could delete them all.

He sighed.

His thumb hovered over one of the video files near the top, one where he could see your face in the thumbnail.

When he opened it, his younger face filled the screen. His tongue poked out from his lips as he carefully settled his phone against the wall next to yours as both of your phones recorded the run-through that was about to happen.

"Changminnie! Come on, I'm starting the song!" Your voice echoed against the practice room walls, and his laughter soon followed as he scurried into place next to you.

Changmin watched his younger self transform his expression into something more serious, while you had looked at him through the mirror and burst out laughing.

Younger Changmin broke his facade, the dimples in his cheeks deep, his smile bright. "What?"

You grinned back at him. "Sorry, sorry! Nothing; it's just interesting how you can just shift your facial expression like that."

"You have to practice like you perform though!"

"I know, I know. I just like your smile better, y'know?"

Changmin could see the hearts in his younger self's eyes. Jesus, had he really blushed that hard? Younger Changmin cupped the back of his neck bashfully. "Really?"

You punched his arm playfully. "Yeah. It's really pretty, Changmin. I thought I told you this before."

"Well yeah, but it doesn't hurt to hear it again—yah! Hey, I can bite back, you know—!"

Changmin's eyes shuddered as the familiar melody of the song flowed into his ears. He abruptly slammed his thumb down onto the pause button.

No, he couldn't stomach hearing it. Not when he could recall every move from memory and not when he had no partner to complement those moves. It just reminded him of the gaping hole in his chest and the emptiness of this room.

"Let's get to work, Changmin," he muttered to himself as he swiped out of the folder and back to his music files. He had an actual to-do list in mind, after all, and it did not include a dive into the forbidden folder. (No matter how much he needed to hear your voice again, for once, not arguing with him.)

EPISODE EIGHT: OFF THE HOOK

"HE'S been pissy all morning—"

Changmin suppressed a groan of frustration as he heard his friend's voices nearing the dressing room he was in. All morning, the performing arts building had been a madhouse, even worse than the night of the draft showcase. Everyone just decided to be here today, whether they were his fellow dancers trying to score a practice room, one of the prospective actors auditioning for a part in Hyunjae's best friend's thesis play, or one of the tech members trying to make sure everything worked behind the scenes.

Changmin had gone from room to room in an attempt to find an empty one where he could have some peace in working on his own. He would have just gone home at this point, but Chanhee was stressing over his own exams, so Changmin was stuck here.

So taking all of that into account, including the rough encounter he'd had with you a couple days ago, plus a lack of sleep and coffee—not the happiest squirrel on campus.

(How could you just drop a bomb like "You were everything to me, Changmin" in his lap and expect him not to think of anything else for days on end?)

The door to the dressing room he was hiding in cracked open, and all of the cacophony from the outside flooded in, as well as a crush of his friends.

"Don't you guys have class?" Changmin moaned, his hand coming up to rub his sleep-deprived eyes.

"Well, yeah, but this is much more fun," came Younghoon's teasing chuckle as he walked over to Changmin and clasped a hand on his shoulder.

Changmin made a face. "I just wanted some peace and quiet."

Sunwoo scoffed. "Peace and quiet? You've come to the wrong place, hyung."

"Yeah," Hyunjae added on, "might as well take a break for once and come watch auditions with us! HJ!Yn needs help judging people anyway."

Changmin cocked a brow at the blond. "You should call Chanhee for that then. Shouldn't you be out there, Younghoon?" He nodded toward the tall, lanky drama major present.

Younghoon shook his head, bouncing on the balls of his feet. How did he have so much energy? "Nope. I'm auditioning for a part, so she's gatekeeping me from watching."

Changmin turned from his friends slightly as he reached down for his phone that he had situated on top of the small bluetooth speaker he had the good sense to bring. Then again, maybe he should have just stuck to earbuds… whatever. He was too tired to care. Part of him wanted to add to the chaos anyway.

"What's her thesis play about again?" He asked no one in particular. Sunwoo waddled over to him and stole his phone right from his hands and began browsing through the music selection.

"It's a modern take of one of Shakespeare's plays: Much Ado About Nothing," answered Younghoon. "It was really funny actually, like the original play. Lots of matchmaking, lots of stupidity. I think they dump someone in a lake..."

Hyunjae perked up. "Oh yeah! That was probably my favorite part of the whole script."

Changmin chuckled. "I was expecting you to say something like 'the whole thing's my favorite because my best friend wrote it'."

"Oh, no, that still applies."

Changmin, Sunwoo, and Younghoon all exchanged knowing looks with one another. Mhm… so they thought. There were a few too many in their friend group who had interesting relationships with their other friends. Exhibit A: whatever the fuck was happening with Hyunjae and his.

Hyunjae caught their silent communication and furrowed his eyebrows. "What?"

Sunwoo snorted, but Younghoon was the one to drawl, "It's absolutely nothing."

Changmin pressed his lips into a cheeky smile, brushing the bangs from out of his vision. Hyunjae's lips quirked to the side in a frown, but didn't make any comment on it. It wasn't a new reaction from the group, by any means, but… oh well. That would be a tale for another time.

With that being said, Changmin followed the three of them out of the relative privacy of the dressing room and out into the hustle-bustle of the main backstage corridor. As soon as that dressing room was vacated, however, somebody was swift to occupy it. Changmin cursed inwardly; guess he wouldn't be able to come back to that room later.

With the switching of theater leadership over the past year (a changing of the guard, if you would, but with professors and sponsors), the management of the entire performing arts department was a mess and a half. There were a few stand-out graduate students and undergraduates who were keeping everything in check for all of the events happening over this year—like Hyunjae’s best friend, Lee Jihoon (a graduate student specializing in sound and music production), and Moon Taeil (a graduate who was a soloist in the chamber choir).

As the four young men made their way closer to the immediate backstage, the sound miraculously dulled down. The lights were a lot dimmer here, as the spotlights were turned toward the main stage. Changmin spotted a few people scattered throughout the backstage area with phones or folded script packets in their hands as they recited their lines to themselves, with some even making exaggerated facial expressions and grand hand gestures.

Hyunjae’s best friend was one of the up and coming director-screenwriter “prodigies” that the drama department championed. She was a year older than Changmin was, and he didn’t need to be a genius to know that there were a crowd of people vying for a role in her graduating thesis play. It must have been stressful as fuck, but he knew that she had a good head on her shoulders—

“—I’m gonna stop you right there.”

HJ!Yn’s voice resounded from the other side of the hefty velvet curtains separating the backstage from the main stage. Hyunjae made a show of pressing his index finger to his lips to signal his friends to be quiet—Sunwoo thus made a show of rolling his eyes (“Duh, we’re gonna be quiet.”). They all huddled to the side of the curtain and poked their heads out to see what was going on.

The university performing arts hall was likely one of the most magnificent places on campus. It featured a vast array of floor seating, while also boasting three levels of balcony seats. Changmin remembered once briefly learning the anatomy of the theater seating: the floor or nosebleeds, the slightly lofted box seats, the grand circle, loge circle, and upper circle—the gods. It was all very antiquarian, but it was a place Changmin had become quite familiar with over the years.

The director herself sat in the dimmed nosebleeds section, in the smack middle. Someone had dragged out one of those plastic, foldable tables for her to set her paperwork and a small, battery-operated lamp on top of.

Curiously, sitting next to her was none other than Bae Sumin, your new recruit.

Changmin straightened, accidentally bumping into Younghoon’s shoulder as he did. “Sorry,” he whispered.

Younghoon shook his head to say that it was all good, his hand lifted in acknowledgement.

“Did you know Sumin was here?” He asked his friend.

Younghoon’s expression was thoughtful. “I think so? I left to go find you when I thought I heard someone say they saw her come in. Why? Did she not tell you when the dance department interviews were gonna be held?”

Changmin recalled receiving no notice. “No. I—I figured Yn would be here, too, then. Right?” Was he ready to face you again so soon? Would you even acknowledge him this time—?

Younghoon passed him an amused glance with a small smile fitted over his face. “That would make sense,” he murmured with his arms crossed over his chest. One of his hands reached up to idly massage his jaw. “I’d imagine she would be with her friends, somewhere around here. Though, it would also make sense that she would be sitting with Sumin, too. Then again—”

“You are… no help,” Changmin deadpanned.

His friend chuckled lowly, eyes upturned into slim crescents.

“Uh Jihoon-ah?”

Changmin and Younghoon’s attention flitted over towards the far side of the backstage and they watched as a girl chased after the resident sound producer graduate student. He was, perhaps, smaller than one might anticipate from the intimidating man, but he still harbored so much scary energy and talent within his body. Like all of the staff on the technical team, the pair were clad in all black.

Jihoon glanced up from his clipboard and at the girl. “Hm?”

The girl nodded toward the curtains. “Director is calling for a break and is asking if the house lights can be turned on.”

“Ah okay, come on then. Follow me.”

As the two of them strode across the length of the backstage, the girl’s eyes found Changmin and Younghoon, and… She was looking past him now at someone else. She lifted her hand in a small wave, paired with a smile, “Hi, Sunwoo.”

Changmin whipped his head around, only to realize that Hyunjae had disappeared, but Sunwoo was now standing on Changmin’s other side. He watched in utter delight as his younger friend flushed, even in the dim lighting, at the girl’s greeting. His eyes were wide as he squeaked out a quick, “Hey!” in return.

When Jihoon and his charge had gone out of view, Changmin turned on Sunwoo with a hyena cackle. “Oh my god! Who was that, Kim Sunwoo?”

Sunwoo seemed to shrink into the collar of his hoodie. “No one.”

Changmin’s laughter lit up the room just as the house lights thunk-thunk-thunk’d to life. Younghoon had slipped away, most likely to meet Hyunjae in the nosebleeds, which left only the two of them there alone. “Do you have a crush on her?”

“Yah! You’re such a menace,” Sunwoo groaned, whacking Changmin with the extra length of his sweater paw. “You can’t even talk, dude! You’re in love with a girl who can barely stand to be in the same room—” Sunwoo realized his slip up and slapped a palm over his mouth.

Ouch. The truth hurt, didn’t it? Changmin chuckled, though it was noticeably quieter now. “Well, you’re not wrong—” He shook his head, eyebrows creased together, “—wait, no. Wait, I’m not in love with her!”

Sunwoo rolled his eyes so hard he must have seen his brain up there. “Oh, please. The last time you were drunk and emotional, you showed us that secret little folder in your phone.” He jabbed his finger accusingly at the phone in Changmin’s hand.

Changmin scowled, pressing his phone to his chest as if to protect it in case Sunwoo decided to have wandering hands. “That was told to you in confidence!”

“No, it was told to me in a drunken stupor—” The two of them began to make their way back toward the edge of the curtain, ducking out from its shadow and onto the main stage. Hyunjae and Younghoon were indeed in the nosebleeds now, but Sumin was nowhere to be seen. Maybe she had only been here to observe the audition process. “And you guys say I’m the lightweight.”

“That’s because you are the lightweight.”

Just as the two of them hopped down from the stage and onto the ground floor of seats, Juyeon came in from the doors located at the back of the seats. He raised a hand in greeting to all present, cheerfully waving with that golden retriever-esque grin. “Hey guys! Oh, Changminnie, I was just looking for you.”

Changmin’s eyebrows flew up. “Oh? What’s up, Juyeon?”

Sunwoo retreated into the rows up where Hyunjae and Younghoon were, while Changmin met up with Juyeon in the rightmost aisle.

Juyeon threw a thumb behind him toward the direction he had just come from. “Sumin was asking if you would be willing to do your interview right now.”

His eyes widened slightly. “Right now?”

“That’s what I just said, wasn’t it?”

Changmin pressed his lips together, before nodding. “Uh, for sure. Yeah, lead the way.”

The two dancers hiked their way back up to the back of the area and through the door Juyeon had originally entered through. The main lobby was much less crowded—it was practically barren, which made it the perfect environment to conduct an interview in. Sumin was setting herself up at one of the couches, setting her laptop, phone, and coffee cup on the coffee table opposite to her.

She raised her head when she heard the door open and close, and a bright smile graced her features. “Oh, you found him! Thanks, Juyeonie.”

“Yeah, no problem,” he chirped. “I’ve got a couple things to handle first, but just ask someone to come find me once you and Changmin are done.”

With Juyeon swiftly taking his leave, Changmin was left to take a seat on the other end of the couch that Sumin was sitting at. “Hey, nice to see you again, Sumin,” he said, crossing one ankle over the other and resting his arm along the back of the couch.

The corners of her smile widened. “Nice to see you, too, Changmin! Sorry this was so sudden; I figured that I could get started on some of the interviews while I was here.”

“Oh, yeah, no worries,” he chuckled.

She reached for her phone, fidgeting as she swiped to a simple recording application. “I hope you don’t mind me recording this…?” At his consent, she nodded. “Okay, cool. I did wanna say something before we started.”

He sat up just a bit. “What is it?”

There was a sort of twinkle in her eyes, and if he wasn’t mistaken, her manner became a lot more bashful all of a sudden. “I have to confess that I asked my mentor, Yn, if she could send me some of your dance performance videos and I’m literally in awe of your talent. Like, I wanted to tell you how starstruck I am just being able to tell you this right now, but I just wanted to say this before we started.”

He broke into a boyish grin at this, his dimples becoming craters of joy in the apples of his cheeks. “Ah, thank you—that really means a lot,” he smiled.

Sumin added on, one of her palms pressing against the couch cushion as she leaned toward him slightly, “I mean, I don’t even know how Yn was able to find videos of you from high school, but I’m so glad she did, because—”

Wait what. Changmin was watching Sumin’s mouth move as she talked but he wasn’t truly hearing what she said. His humble, albeit a bit dumbfounded, smile remained, but her words from just before resonated in his head. There were definitely a few of his dance performance videos online from his high school days, but did you keep links to them? Did you keep the recordings on your phone?

The fact that Sumin asked you meant that she probably had no clue about your past, only that you were the person Sumin could rely on if she had any questions.

What did it mean? What did it mean?

His heart pounded in his chest at the thought that maybe he could possibly have an excuse to get you to talk to him, even if it was one, truly dumbass excuse.

“—ready?”

Changmin snapped out of his dazed state. “Sorry?”

Sumin blushed slightly, clearing her throat. At some point, she had pulled her laptop onto her lap and prepped her phone by placing it in between the two of them to record the following conversation. “Are you ready to start?”

He coughed, straightening and adjusting his position. “Oh, yeah—uh, sorry. Yeah, whenever you’re ready.”

Sumin gauged his reaction carefully, but instead of pressing the record button, she hit the power button. “If I may, you seem a little distracted. I don’t really want this to feel like a burden if you’ve got a lot on your plate.”

Shit. “No, I mean,” he shook his head, “I’m sorry. I guess my mind just wanders really easily when…” He huffed a sigh, dragging a hand down his face. “I’m a little tired, that’s all.”

“I totally get that,” she sympathized. “You’ve probably been practicing non-stop lately for the winter showcase. We don’t have to do this today if you’re not in the right headspace.”

He sighed and couldn’t help but feel just a little relieved. He needed to talk to Chanhee about this, math exam or dance practice be damned. But there was a part of him that definitely felt awful about having to cut off her interview even before it began. He gestured to her phone. “How about we reschedule? We could meet up sometime else during the week to redo this and I promise I’ll be all yours.”

He didn’t know what he did, but the pink on her cheeks deepened to a cherry red. “Oh, uh, sure!” She giggled, taking her phone and passing it over to him. “You can just put your phone number in there and I’ll text you to ask when you wanna meet up.”

Changmin nodded his agreement and swiftly inputted his contact information into the given slots. “Definitely,” he said before handing her phone back to her. The phone fumbled between the two of them, but Changmin was already standing up with the goal to go retrieve his bag (wherever it was), and to go consult Chanhee and the man’s infinitesimal opinions. “Really sorry again, Sumin.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it!” She dismissed his worries with a flick of her wrist. “Would you mind finding Juyeon, though?”

Changmin sent her a thumb’s up over his shoulder on his way to the door. “Yeah, for sure.”

She returned the gesture, watching as he disappeared out of the main lobby. It was only when he was definitely gone, she covered her mouth with her hand and stared at his saved contact in her phone. Then, with a silent scream of happiness, she ran to her text chain with you to tell you all about it.

a/n: PLS STILL REBLOG THIS PART EVEN THO ITS NOT THE FULL THING PLS PLS PLS IM BEGGING

read part two here (also linked at top)

permanent taglist: @honeyhuii @crazywittysassy @seomisaho @stopeatread @enhacolor @rnjfy @jaehunnyy @kpopjackie @spiderrenjunfics @soobin-chois @ethereal-engene @mingiholic @ja4hyvn @vatterie @yogurteume @justalildumpling @hyunjaespresent-deobi @hongyangi @pxppxrminty @nerdypastacalzonespy @jcmdoll @kflixnet

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#kflixnet #the boyz x reader #ji changmin x reader #changmin x reader #q x reader #the boyz fanfic #the boyz drabble #the boyz fluff #the boyz oneshot #the boyz angst #the boyz imagines #the boyz scenarios #ji changmin oneshots #ji changmin drabbles #changmin imagines #changmin oneshot #changmin fluff #changmin angst #changmin scenarios

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mrsbsmooth · 5 months

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I don't know if this is a safe space for me to share my opinion on S8 but I disagree with your take on WLW relationships in S8. As someone who is exclusively WLW, I've got to say that Season 8 is the worst season that I have ever played. It's not worth it. I regret every second that I have spent on it. I wish I never played it. I feel like I have wasted my time. Watching Claudia grind on Theo made me feel physically sick. If you're bi, you're automatically locked out of the WLW route and Bea dances for Claudia instead. If you're doing a WLW route, the two female LIs are merged together. There are only two female LIs and they're hidden behind a gem wall. You can't couple up with them until the final week. The male characters are forced on MC no matter how many times you reject them. Being LGBT is treated like a fun side mission. It's something you're only allowed to do behind closed doors. You can pay to make out with a girl in every episode and the other characters will keep pushing the OG guy and CA guy on you either way. If you're romancing a girl, you're made to feel like a cheater. The WLW routes in S8 are written to be a bonus thing for bi women to do once they finish the good routes. They are not written to be the main course. The S8 WLW routes are something to play around with but not something to commit to. S5 was no fun but at least we could be in an unofficial relationship with Dana and we could choose to befriend Alfie. We could couple up with Vicky in S7. S8 is like S6 but somehow even worse. The openly homophobic and racist comments that I have seen some straight players make about Bea and Hari are only making it harder to feel accepted. What hurts the most is that MC was a bombshell and she was not coupled up with her OG LI before the Casa. They could have let us pick a female LI the moment MC walked into the Villa. There was no better way to justify a WLW main route. The way they waste Luna and Felicity is unbelievable. I wouldn't recommend S8 to anyone who isn't super into the male LIs

Hi lovely, of course!! Always happy to hear a different opinion as long as they're respectfully put, which yours absolutely is, and as long as you don't mind me disagreeing back!

[Note: Sarah's just pointed out to me that you asked for a safe space and my response doesn't really do that and just disagrees with you. She's right, and I apologise for not being clearer about the fact I was planning to do so when I hit post. But you are always welcome to share your opinion here. I can't guarantee a safe space, but I can guarantee an open mind.] Because I do genuinely believe that the WLW routes in S8 are better than they have been previously.

I'm not going to be addressing homophobic and racist comments about Bea and Hari. My advice for those? Stay the hell off Reddit. I'm not getting into the way this fandom talks about race, especially for Asian islanders. I just want to talk about the WLW routes as that was the main point of your ask.

I want to make sure I've acknowledged and responded to everything you said, so please see below.

[This got long AF. TL;DR at the end.]

Locked out of routes, and Male LIs being forced on you

This isn't new to this season, and in my opinion it's been done dramatically better than previous seasons. I've played all of them, and almost every single season holds the female LI back until the end. Marisol, Elisa, Najuma, Angie, Dana, Lulu, Bella, Chloe, Flo, Bonnie, I don't think you could couple up with a single one of them until the final recoupling. The only exceptions were S1 and S3, I think? I believe you could get with Talia slightly earlier (and have Sammi come in later as a LI for the guy who otherwise would be dumped), and AJ/Yasmin you could couple up with and make Tai and Ciaran get together. But that's only 2 seasons from 8.

(Note: I see you said you could couple up with Vicky in S7, and I'll be honest, I barely played S7 as I found the writing itself extremely lacklustre. So I'll have to take your word for it that they somehow made that work.)

I get that it's frustrating to be separated from a female LI until late game. It's a sentiment I've heard every single season since I started playing alongside the releases. But realistically, this is how the game is structured. Love Island, as a premise, is based on heterosexual relationships. Pairing off and being in heterosexual couples, etc. Same as something like 'the Bachelor'. Two female contestants could be together, sure. But that's not how the show is structured. The only real solutions have been in S1 and S3, both of which I've already mentioned. I'd love to see more MLM couples made canon, or creative ways of letting us couple with women earlier, but I don't think there's one simple solution. This particular show is aimed at het couples. As unfair as it may seem, that's how the game is structured. (Crossing my fingers for canon MLM couples. PLEASE!)

I also disagree that WLW routes are written to be a bonus thing for bi women to do once they finish the good routes. Claudia's route has been a main route since day one in the villa. The fact that you can only have a relationship with either Theo OR Claudia means they intended from the very beginning to have whichever one of that couple you choose be the slow burn route- the route that you can't get on until the very end.

To say that 'Watching Claudia grind on Theo made me physically sick'-- Congratulations and welcome to the slowburn route 😂 I feel exactly the same way when Theo REJECTS ME OUTRIGHT and says he's only interested in Claudia, or when Suresh's heartrate gets raised the most by Lulu, or when I finally couple with Jake and he tells me I should pursue Levi. Don't you think the fact that it's had such an impact on you shows how well-written she is as a female LI? Claudia is AMAZING. But she's also bisexual. She's allowed to be torn between a male and a female LI and want to explore relationships with both, and I don't think it's fair to be angry that she's playing out all her options. That just means she's a well-written bisexual character. (Side note may I remind you that you've been able to take Claudia to the hideaway, and sleep in a bed with her, whereas Theo girls were only able to KISS the dude for the first time within the last week!!!! 😭) I think the only canonical lesbian routes are Angie from S4 and A.J. from S3. But even so, they're both questioning while in-villa and only come out either towards the end or in the post-season. You can watch AJ's route on Youtube if you didn't get a chance to play. Also, you're not locked out of the WLW route if you're bi/into men. Only if you're interested in Theo specifically. This is definitely somewhere they could improve-- I wanted Theo and Claudia, but eventually went back to play a straight route for Theo. However, I DESPERATELY wanted to flirt with Bea. It would've been wonderful if we'd been able to flirt with her separately. (I think I did get this option, but I believe it may have been a glitch). An option early in the game when the female LI asks you could be:

Yes, I'm into you!

No, I'm not into you, but I might be into other women

No, I'm not into women.

The Female LIs are merging together

Welcome to Love Island the Game by Fusebox games, where all the love interests merge and the personalities don't matter. You're not alone here, and it's not NEARLY as bad as previous seasons. Watch Najuma, Bruno, and JAMES have exactly the same dialogue in S4 despite being wildly different personalities. Watch Lewie, Jamal and Ryan be completely interchangeable. This isn't exclusive to WLW routes.

The female LIs are hidden behind a gem wall.

Again, this is the same for everyone, even players on a straight route. FB are greedy.

Being LGBT is treated like a side mission

It's something you're only allowed to do behind closed doors. You can pay to make out with a girl in every episode

This is hard. I get why you feel like this, anon, I really do. But I genuinely do think that this is the devs trying to give you something. They know it's frustrating to have to wait so long to couple with a female LI, so they try and give you bonus opportunities along the way to connect with your love interest. Almost every single smut scene written in the scripts has a female alternative. Again, I'm not saying that it's perfect, but having looked at and manipulated the scripts for four seasons now, I can absolutely assure you that this has not always been the case. They ARE improving and giving you more opportunities to spend time with your female LI than you had in previous seasons.

TL;DR

I'm not saying S8 is a perfect season for WLW routes.

The part I'm disagreeing with is where you said it's the worst season.

I absolutely disagree with that. There are far worse seasons. Even the golden child Season 2 didn't let you couple up with a woman until right at the end, watching her graft and grind on everyone BUT you. We also don't even know for sure that we can't couple up with a girl until the last week. The game's still being released. (I won't be surprised if that's the case though.)

I think Claudia and Bea are EXCELLENT female love interests in comparison with what we've had previously. They're both beautiful, they have unique personalities, they have very different routes (Claudia's confused between you and Theo, Bea's your bestie to lover and she's got terrible taste in men, dear god please save her).

I understand WANTING more WLW routes, but from a development point of view, there are simply not enough opportunities in the real-life structure of LITG to have fully blown out WLW routes. And even if they were, FB Games are not going to be financially motivated to do so. Their main customer base ($$$) is pursing a het route, so that’s who they’re creating for. They can't even get through the hetero routes without the characters merging personalities. There are other games doing this well, including fan-made games, which I'd recommend checking out. I don't have the link handy to the game pages, but check out @thatwheelchairchick, I believe she's working on an alternative game?

Anyway, I hope that clarifies my position on why I think they're worth playing. Sorry that it turned into an essay.

#litg wlw #litg claudia #litg bea #litg s8 #litg tempting fate

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rushtoprove · 2 years

Text

the things we do for love

summary: Aemma Velaryon is the daughter of the Princess Rhaenyra and betrothed to Aemond Targaryen. Their young love blinds them to the bitterness between their families, but slowly their fantasy begins to unravel with time. How did the purest of love turn into such bitter hatred?

5. two sides of the same coin Eight years on from that fateful night in Driftmark, Aemond decides to spend his night in a brothel. Aemma preforms her first execution.

(i’m changing the timeline to build up the tension more. set before episode 8)

masterlist

word count: 4440

warnings: 18+ mention of gore and violence. heavy sexual references. medieval period misogyny. dark!aemond and dark!aemma. you don't survive the game of thrones being nice. read at your own discretion. aemond has an interesting approach to attraction.

Aemond knew he must look like a dull cunt right now. His whole family in fact, must all look like dull cunts. His father and mother stood side by side in the middle of the balcony as their children flanked them. Aegon and Helaena stood by their miserable looking father while Aemond stood tall beside his dutiful mother. The men below were marching to their impending death while the family stood in their silks and their golds and waved them off.

“Could you please try and smile Aemond? You are meant to be thanking these men for going to war under our banner.” Alicent did not take her eyes from the army marching below, nor did she lower her hand the slightest, but she simply knew her son stood straight faced with hardly any movement to his wave. It was a ridiculous question because Alicent could not remember the last time she had seen her precious boy smile.

“Hmm.” He hummed, yet his entire self-remained unchanged. He hardly waved, and he stared at the crowd with nothing but impatience and pity. He was only there at his mother’s command. Aemond had spent his years growing into a dutiful and devoted son to Queen Alicent, but he could not care less for his weak father. Viserys losing his first daughter when she fled with her bastard family almost eight years ago seemingly broke the frail man, and it seemed he would never recover from the heartbreak. Rhaenyra had run away with her tail between her whore legs and her pack of mutts gladly ran at her heels. Aemond despised the whole lot of them. He was happy to have no contact with any of them in the last eight years. He did not think of them at all. Not even one. He hated his bastard nephew’s Jace and Luke just as much as he hated their cousins Baela and Rhaena. His immoral sister and her depraved husband Daemon were nothing more than dirt under this family's foot and Aemond would not even give any thought to the illegitimate cunt of a daughter Aemma. If the two families ever did end up waring against one another, Aemond desperately craved it to be him that gets the revenge that is so rightfully his. He does not like to think about it for to long for those people are too far below him to even dwell upon.

Aemond Targaryen was notorious for his off-putting auror. Many found themselves moving in the other direction when they noticed the prince stalking around the castle, and others would lower their gaze in fear that he would notice them. His skills with a sword were praised throughout the seven kingdom and his dedication to his family was well known. It seemed he did not smile nor was ever seen dancing or enjoying any type of festivities. The prince did not enjoy conversing with anyone longer than need me and seemed uninterested in any and all who approached him. He did not care for the women who tried to seduce him or the men who tried to impress him. Instead, he focused on his learnings and trained himself to be fierce fighter. The day he lost an eye, Aemond changed.

“Come, my dear son. Let us have some tea with Helaena. If you are so against us throwing a feast for your name-day, surely you can entertain your mother and sister to afternoon tea.” As the parade ended, and his family shifted away to go about their day, he allowed his mother to link her arm around his and lead him towards her rooms. Since his thirteenth name day, Aemond hated celebrating this dreaded occasion and had forced his family to halt the banquets and balls that were meant to honour him. From the corner of his eye, he watched Helaena glide around them while humming a tune. She glowed bright, untainted by the ambitious streak that flowed through the Hightower veins. Sometimes, in the most silent part of the night, Aemond wandered what it would feel like.

“You are very quiet today brother?” She giggled, knowing full well her younger brother is a man of few words. Her jest was out of love, unlike the one’s that often left Aegon’s disturbed mouth. The harassment from his brother was yet to disappear, but now Aemond knew himself more powerful than the useless man. He would tell no one, but Aemond cried for his sister when she was forced to marry their cruel brother. Her spirit seemed to never waver however, making Aemond admire his gentle sister. Alicent had wept to Aemond many times over the guilt she felt from the match when she was too many wines deep, but Aemond would never criticise. Perhaps the duty he felt towards his mother was too intense, but she had defended Aemond in his worst moments. He would never forget that. He strived to be the son she craved, and the son that Aegon would never be.

“I have nothing to discuss.” His reply was curt, and most would have been deterred, but Helaena simply laughed and wrapped her arms around him. He was a year younger than her, but his height had surpassed her long ago and she found her neck aching if she stood too long in his presence.

“Nothing to discuss. You are a man of twenty years now! Surely you have some tales.” Aemond had not left the city unless it be to perform his royal duties with his family, his tales were the same as the rest.

“Come my darlings. It seems even little Daeron wanted to celebrate!” Alicent cooed as she opened the doors to her room and saw her youngest child rolling around the ground limply as entertainment. He was only four, but Aemond went bitter with distaste for the childish tactics of his brother.

“All we are missing is Aegon.” Helaena smiled, but Aemond saw the light fade in her eyes for a few seconds.

“Thank the seven for that.” Aemond smirked as it was his turn to wrap his arms around her. In the privacy of these quarters, Aemond allowed himself to relax, if only a tiny bit. She instantly lit up and giggled at her brother’s straightforwardness. Alicent simply clicked her tongue as she ushered her children to the table that she had the servants set up.

“Hush Aemond. Do not disrespect your brother. He was not feeling well, he has taken to bed.” Alicent knew that he was well, but she would never allow herself to utter what Aegon was most likely up to. Especially not in front of his pure and wholesome wife. Aemond clenched his fists as he was well aware Aegon had most likely taken some unsuspecting maid to his chambers. He would have called out that his brother was a cunt, but he could not do that before his mother and sister, so he instead sat down with a grunt of acknowledgement.

“I shall say a prayer!” Helaena smiled and Alicent looked encouraging at her daughter. Aemond closed his eye, but he had long ago given up on any idea of higher beings. It was simply for his mother’s sake that he put on his little show of faith.

“Grapes.” Daeron squealed on Alicent’s lap. Aemond would have rolled his eye if it were open.

“May the Mother smile down on this gathering with love. May my dear brother live another year of health and happiness. May the Smith mend the bonds that have been broken for far too long for I wish dearly to see my cousins once more. I miss them. We all do. Amen.” Perhaps it was because Helaena had not been disturbed on the fateful night that Aemond had his eye taken or she cherished her memories of her youth too much, it seemed no matter how hard her family tried to explain the feud between their families, Helaena longed to see everyone together. Aemond had to hold her the day of her wedding when she found out Rhaenyra and her children would not be in attendance. Her tears gave Aemond more reason to loath the brutes.

“Thank you, Helaena.” Alicent shifted uncomfortable as she looked towards Aemond. She knew any mention of that family, no matter how small, affected him. All in court knew not to bring it up, and the mention of Princess Aemma Velaryon would have grave consequences. Aemond met her gaze with a straight face, not allowing the thoughts to enter his mind. He was here to enjoy his time with arguably the only two people he cared for in this world. Thoughts of knives and stolen youths would not tarnish that.

“Quite a set up mother.” Aemond looked at the table that was covered in an array of fruits and cakes, partnered with different pots of tea. It was too much for three people but visually it looked grand.

“Only the best to celebrate your name day my son. I do wish you would let me hold a feast for the lords to pay their respects to you as well.” Alicent sighed as the servants around them began dishing out portions. Aemond did not feel the need to respond to the comment. Instead, he sat and listened as the two women shared mindless conversation while interjecting with small noises of confirmation or snarky remarks. The two women were just glad to have Aemond sitting with them. It was a two-hour ordeal before a knock at the door alerted Alicent that she needed to attend to her husband, who quickly bid her farewells and ushered herself away quickly.

“Thank you for coming today brother.” Helaena smiled as she hugged her brother farewell. She was aware he would spend his days in the training yard or a top Vhagar until he was summoned to duty again. Aemond craved his space, and everyone knew not to intrude when he was alone.

“It was a pleasure.” He smiled back at his sister, but it always seemed to come out as a grimace. It seemed he had spent his years frowning and glaring making the muscles forget how to stretch into a genuine sign of affection.

“Aegon wished for me to remind you to meet him tonight at the usual spot. He said something about an annual tradition?” She looked curiously at her brother but knew whatever she had been referring to instantly closed her brother off to any more affection.

“Our brother can rot.”

+++

Aemond hated himself as his feet guided him to the small archway hidden inside the kitchens. It had been hours since he had cursed his brother, yet here he was following the instructions. He knew where Aegon was taking him. It would be the same place he had been taking him since Aemond celebrated turning ten and three. As hard as he tried, he never denied his brother's commands.

“Ah brother! You are early! Keen for your celebrations!” Aegon loud voice boomed around the empty chamber making Aemond flinch. Seeing his brother casually leaning against the archway with a grin made Aemond’s stomach churn in disgust.

“Lower your voice you fool. You shall alert the entire castle.” Aemond hissed, glaring hard as Aegon quickly ran his fingers over his lips, mock sealing them. They rushed ahead with their hoods covering their face and their cloaks hiding them from any prying eyes. If word was to get back to their mother of these indiscretions, Aemond would never forgive himself.

“I have made sure a very special surprise awaits you brother. One I’m sure you will find quite fulfilling.” Aegon promised with glee as he almost skipped down the filthy streets. Every turn someone was offering all types of services, and the constant touch of people rubbing up on Prince Aemond was almost too much. He could not understand the delight his older brother got from visiting this hell every night. The one night a year Aemond spent here was enough to last him a lifetime.

“I am sure it shall be the same as every other gift you have promised me.” Aemond growled, annoyed by his brother already.

“Oh, I don’t think it will dear brother.” The rest of the journey was Aegon talking out loud to Aemond who tried his hardest to ignore every syllable to fall from his vile mouth. When they finally made it to their destination, Aemond was nauseas by the sight. His nostrils were filled with the scent of sweat, alcohol and vomit that swirled in the air while his ears were overcome with the sounds of moans and grunts. He tried hard to repress the shiver that went down his spine at slapping of skin he could hear from behind the closed doors. In the corner he watched as a lord from his father’s council forced a woman to her knees just so he could shove himself in her mouth. Aemond was repulsed by the way nothing seemed sacred in places like this. He cursed his brother once more.

“Back again my King.” Aemond spun in shock at the treasonous words, but Aegon simply cried out a laugh before pulling the woman closer.

“You think I could stay away from this for too long.” He growled as he pushed his face into her bare breasts making her squeal in delight. Aemond almost threw up. Turning on his heel, he moved to find somewhere to stay as far away from his brother as possible, but Aegon reached out and grabbed him.

“I’m sorry! I forgot how uptight you are. Here let me introduce you. This is Lyanna. She is my very special friend. This my prudish brother Aemond. He is a bore!” Aegon introduced them and Aemond kept his eye on her face as she curtsied.

“My Prince. I have heard much about you.” She uttered the words as if she knew a secret making his skin crawl. Aemond did not reply.

“Come brother, be nice. Lyanna has been kind enough to help me set up your gift.” Aegon slapped his brother’s back before pulling him forward to follow the whore. Aemond tried to keep his eyes front but every now and then he would catch site of women beckoning him into their rooms, or a door would be open to show different lords lying flat on the beds as women bounced upon their cock. Aemond felt nothing but revulsion. He cursed himself that even after all these years, a small part of him was still desperate to gain his brother’s respect.

“This will be your room for the night my prince.” Lyanna grabbed a hold of Aemond’s hand and placed it on the handle. He looked at both in boredom.

“Is my surprise a whore again brother? Who would have thought?”

“Not just any whore, dear brother. Open the door!” He was bouncing with delight and when the door was not opened, Aegon took it upon itself to swing the door open and push his brother in. Before them stood a woman, bare of any clothes, except for a necklace hanging from her delicate neck. Aemond was at a loss for words. It was normal for a whore to reside in these rooms, and it was a gift that Aegon had organized many times, but her long silver hair that shined in the candlelight shocked Aemond.

“A Targaryen?” The answer was obvious, but Aemond stood unmoving in astonishment. She kept her eyes lowered but began running her hands up and down her smooth skin, squeezing and tugging ever so often.

“Yes! It seems our dear Uncle Daemon left you a gift when he used to visit these streets many years ago.” Aegon could not contain his excitement and once Aemond got over his astonishment, he quickly became confused.

“And why would this give me joy brother?” He frowned. Aegon nodded to Lyanna to leave the room before beckoning the girl before them. She slowly walked forward with her eyes downcast and a smirk playing on her lips. Aemond almost sliced his brother’s throat when he saw the dark sapphire that was engraved into the whore’s necklace. It was an exact replica from one he dreamed about every night. When Aegon reached up to her shoulders and turned her so that she had her back to the brother’s, Aemond was mortified when he realised the intention. His shame grew as he felt himself twitch in his pants as he gazed at the smooth skin and silver locks that fell to halfway down her back.

“Do not think I do not know what you hide under your eyepatch brother. Do not think I do not know what you desire most you fucked up bastard.” Aegon looked like he had won a battle, his face overcome with pride at himself. When his brother did not reply, he left the room and closed the door to the outside world. Aemond could not help himself as he reached out and grazed his fingers across the skin of her neck.

“You will hold your tongue about this.” He whispered; his one eye wider than it had ever been.

“Anything for you, my prince.” She did not look at him, and Aemond was grateful. Stepping forward with caution, he let himself press his nose into her hair. It smelt dirty and felt coarse, nothing like the floral scents he remembered from long ago. He let himself drown in the memory of her. The woman before him was his own canvas as he slowly tugged her head to the side by her hair. She let out a moan at the contact making Aemond swallow thickly.

“Aemma.” Her name was whispered like a prayer.

+++

Across the sea, in the war-torn area of the Stepstones, Aemma Velaryon was trying not to allow her shaking hands to be seen. It was important to hide this weakness and stand strong before her army. She knew they looked to her as a leader, and their leader could not be weak.

“You do not need to do this today sweet Aemma. It is something to learn for another day.” Her grandfather muttered as he turned his back to the crowd to make sure no one saw him speak. Corlys did not wish for what was about to happen, but the other generals were adamant that it was time for Aemma to prove herself worthy of her position.

“It must be done. I would need to do it sooner or later. It is my duty.” She kept her eyes forward and let herself straight her back. Looking towards the guard to the left, she gave him a nod of confirmation.

“MAKE WAY FOR THE PRISONER!” He screamed the order as the sea of soldiers parted before her and four guards dragged forward a man. Aemma stood above them all on a hill, high enough that all could see her, but close enough that they could hear her words. She tried to focus on the sound of the ocean around them and closed her eyes as the breeze washed over her, coating her skin in the salty spray. For a split second she found herself a top the dunes in Driftmark eight years ago. The moment was fleeting, and the thought perished as she turned back to face her oncoming duty. The prisoner was stumbling as he was dragged forward, crying as he was thrown at her feet.

“Have mercy Princess! Please have mercy!” His whole body shook and Aemma guessed him to be the same age as herself, perhaps even younger. She tried not to look into his eyes as she began speaking.

“BRON HOLLARD, YOU STAND BEFORE US, FOUND GUILTY OF THE HIGHEST TREASON.” Aemma’s voice was firm and loud, making sure everyone heard. “YOU ABANDONED YOUR POST AND ALLOWED OUR ENEMIES TO GAIN MORE LAND FROM US DUE TO YOUR COWADICE. YOU GAVE UP ON YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR BROTHERS, YOUR PEOPLE AND YOU FLED.”

“Please mercy Princess Aemma. I was scared. Please!”

“I AEMMA VELARYON, PRINCESS OF THE HOUSE TARGARYEN, HEIR TO THE IRON THONE AND COMMANDER OF THIS LEGION, A DRAGONRIDER OF VELARYON BLOOD, SENTENCE YOU TO DEATH BY BEHEADING.” Bron cried out and moved to clasp onto Aemma’s feet but was pulled back by the guards.

“Bring forward the executioner.” One of the Lords’ declared.

“No.” Aemma stopped them.

“I shall do it myself.” Corlys went to grab his granddaughter but was stopped by her guard Sir Rodrick Bolten. The knight looked longingly at the girl he had devoted himself to protect, but Aemma was oblivious.

“It was decided by the other Lords. It is to prove she will not look away.” He muttered. Corlys shook him off but knew to stay silent. He watched as his granddaughter clenched her sword, unwavering. He mourned the loss of the innocent girl that used to follow him around, desperate to learn the knowledge behind becoming a leader. The soldiers looked at her with respect.

“Please.” Bron cried softly this time, his one last plea, but it did nothing for his cause. When Aemma swung her sword, and his head rolled off in one clean sweep, the crowd cheered. The traitor was dead, and Aemma had proven herself strong enough to lead this war.

“Come Princess. Let us clean that blood.” Sir Rodrick looked down at the Princess who was now sprayed with the blood of her kill. She kept her eyes forward, before turning on her own accord. She left her grandfather and her guard to trail behind her and gave no notice to the men who bowed as she passed. It wasn’t until her they entered the main tent that she allowed her Corlys to place a hand on her shoulder and pressed a kiss to her forehead and she allowed herself to breathe again.

“It had to be done. I am proud.” He muttered as he took in Aemma’s emotionless state. The other generals burst through, laughing and mimicking the last words of the poor boy.

“Enough!” Aemma ordered as they began to huddle around the table. “It is time to plan the next attack. We are losing this war. We need to discuss the next strategy.”

They did discuss, for six long hours, and not once did Aemma move to clean the now dried blood splattered over her. Her commands were firm and her ideas more strategic than what most men were putting forward. Some whispered that she had inherited her taste for war from her true father Prince Daemon. None were brave enough to say it before the princess, for they had seen the repercussions of such a treasonous comment.

“We have... a delicate matter to discuss.” One lord shifted as he grabbed the attention of the table. “It seems King Viserys has decided to cut the funds by half that he was using on this war.” The table erupted with nervous chatter and Aemma looked at Corlys from the corner of her eye. He was looking back with the same weary look.

“By how much?” She questions as she placed her palms face down on the maps before the. AT that very moment Terrax, her now much larger dragon roared in the distant making the men flinch. Aemma did not break eye contact.

“Half.” The lord could not look her in the eye and the rest began cursing. It would be impossible to continue this war with that amount of money. It had already been cut only weeks before. Aemma cursed, but she knew this was not the king who wished this.

“And what was his reasoning?” She hissed and most men could no longer look at princess. Her anger was that of a dragon.

“The royal family have taken to... redecorating their castle.” The curses grew louder as one man threw his hands down to shake the table.

“This is the work of The Hand.” Her grandfather boiled with rage beside Aemma, and she inhaled as her frustration could not be contained. The vicious pack of cunts that was the Hightower's were a meddling pack of fools. The debate grew as different suggestions were put forward, but Aemma knew there was only one answer. Her grandfather Viserys still harboured great love for his granddaughter and wrote her letters whenever his health allowed. Aemma never found time to respond. She could not find it in herself to be the one to suggest.

“Princess Aemma and I shall have to fly to King’s Landing. We will petition him as his kin. He will not deny us.” Corlys was firm and left no room for discussion. Aemma knew she was in no position to fight against it, and simply nodded. She would just be sure to stay clear of the Queen, who had sworn to take her eye those many years ago and remain hidden from her uncles. The thought of seeing Aemond made her sick. Aemma would stay no more than necessary.

“Perhaps you can make the journey alone?” Aemma gritted her teeth as the tension around the table grew.

“Your grandfather will respond to your pleas more. You know this.”

“I believe his wife threatened to take my eye the last time she saw me. How shall she respond? How shall her miserable cunt of a son respond when he is faced with the woman who marred his face?” She felt her hand ghost over the blade that was strapped to her hip. She tried hard to repress the familiar screams that echoed inside her mind.

“Gods be good...”

“No harm will come to you. I would promise it, but we all know you are more than capable of fighting granddaughter. I am sure the family will know not to come close. It is time we take to beds. We cannot win this war if we are exhausted.”

The matter was settled, and the princess spun on her heel and strode away without so much as a look at any of those men. She did not bid her grandfather goodnight as she often did for she wanted him to understand the hell that he was going to force upon her. She had spent these years forcing herself to lock away the memories of her youth and it seemed she had only just stopped waking up screaming from the sight of a bloodied eye socket. Rumours of the foulness of that family plagued the camp and their ruthless taste for power repulsed Aemma.

She lied awake all night, distraught knowing she would face those ghosts so soon.

“I will take your eye! I will make sure your debt is paid!”

taglist: @stillinracooncity @blushinyouth @sharnnnnnn @imoticon @oookay68 @velvet-spider @watermel0nsugarhigh @zverea@rattlethe-stars @out-of-life @solacestyles @lugiastark @ramielll @curiouser-an-curiouser @takemetotheweirdness @ladymoon666

if you asked to be on the taglist but didn't expect it to be dark!aemond and wanna leave let me know i totally understand! :) my helaena fic is going to be much sweeter if you want that.

#aemond targaryen imagine #aemond targaryen fic #aemond imagine #aemond targaryen #aemond x reader #aemond targaryen x reader #house of the dragon imagine #hotd imagine #house of the dragon #dark!aemond targaryen x reader #dark!aemond x reader

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xxnomadsxx · 8 months

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okay, do you know that episode in Trollstopia with that switcher ruby and Poppy and Branch switch bodies for the day? How would Poppy handle running things in the Grey village vs Branch handling things in Trollstopia/Pop village in your Nomads AU? Or would they just come clean and explain what happened this time?

The argument would be about running the kingdoms and how the other is doing it wrong instead of the “you couldn’t walk a day in my shoes” argument, then they would stumble onto the ruby.

At first Branch says he’s just going to tell his tribe what happened since they would understand and just let Branch continue whatever business he needs to do in Poppy’s body…Until Poppy immediately stops him and tells him how the entire pop village would absolutely lose their minds over this!!! Branch understands the issue so they just do a life swicheroo Branch goes to pop village (regretfully because he hates pop village and everything they do) While Poppy goes to the grey village excited that she now has “full control” over the village to make it happier (they would look slightly different Branch in Poppy’s body would look messier and have war paint on her face , and Poppy in Branch’s body would be more put together and clean)

Everything goes to hell!!! Branch goes on a rampage trying to safety everything and everyone by arming the villagers,shutting down every party, getting rations for everyone, has brought a huge dead carcass to the town square for “dinner”, and is currently trying to teach children how to wield a dagger (he’s not doing ok at leading, everyone is terrified and kinda (super) panicking thinking poppy lost it) Viva and Peppy are losing it as the normally always happy Poppy’s personality did a complete 180!!! The snack pack does everything to try and “snap her out of it”

Poppy ain’t doing much better as she is trying to “enhappify” the village. She has started 4 dance parties, 3 cupcake socials, has tried to have 8 dance offs, and 15 glitter balloon fights (everyone is in absolute terror, I mean WHAT happened to their leader?!?!? is he ok?!) after 30 minutes (YES THIS ALL HAPPENED IN HALF AN HOUR!!!!) Thing decides to tackle Branch drag him home on all fours and is currently putting him on house arrest thinking he got rabies or something. Poppy tries to escape only to get caught over and over by the very overprotective and concerned (troll?). Everyone in the village is trying to clean up the village as they run around getting medical supplies, psychologist, and whatever for their leader (they are so scared even the ferals are panicking?!?!!!!??!)

When the brothers find out Branch was acting like a happy troll they try to kidnap him from the village to have fun together as a family but fail as the whole village is on quarantine.

In the end they both would have to do the others job the “right way” as the village has fallen apart with the tactics they were doing. They later escape meet up and confess how hard it was to be the other and agree to leave the other alone on how to run their villages (even if they both think the other could take a page or two out of their book on how to run a kingdom)

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thesinfulrook · 2 years

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HEARTBEAT.

summary : it almost never happens that the devil of hell’s kitchen has a quiet night, even so he still patrols the city again. although even with the ambient noise of the city, one heart in a sea of others stands out to him. caving into to his curiosity for another night, the devil visits you sitting on the roof of your apartment building in front of a neon bill board sign.

pairing : matt murdock / gender neutral reader (some slightly gendered compliments.)

warnings : slightly she-hulk episode 8 inspired, mainly fluff & confessions, established friendship, reader doesn’t know matt is dardevil but foggy and karen do, reader has crush on matt

wordcount : 1895

+++

it isn’t too chilly to night, at least that’s what you thought before you decided to climb up to the roof; where in the night you could see the neon lights from the billboard cascade onto the apartment building across from yours. sometimes you wondered how the people across could deal with the light, but at the same time you didn’t mind the way the colors danced upon your skin. you typically came up to the roof top after a long day at the office.

it was nice to observe the city as day turned to night, people retiring from their nine to five whilst others were just rising to start their long and slow night. your thoughts were absorbed in work, and attempting to wind down from another day working for nelson & murdock. your previous bosses barely treated you like an employee, nelson & murdock seemed to value the quality of friendship and family. you recalled the many times you, karen, foggy and matt would go to josie’s after a long shit for a couple rounds of beer and pool.

a smile tugged to your lips at the thought. content with your job and your life now; even with being paid in assorted fruits instead of money. but there was still something tugging at your heart constantly. matt murdock, your boss, and one of your best friends. you had become known foggy, karen, and matt even before you started working for them. you’d gotten even closer since you started. but there was something in the way you and matt interacted that left you hiding smiles by biting the inside of your cheek and your face feeling hot at the thought of his smile..

+++

the night has been passing by slowly, almost too slowly. a idea that had his muscles tensing and his senses heightened to catch even the lightest hint of something, anything. his hands would open and close into fists, fidgeting and pacing. on nights like these he couldn’t help but worry slightly; trying to listen in to the unique rhythm of a heart beat that he thought— no, knew— he could pick out from any area of hell’s kitchen. yours.

he knew about your nightly adventures to the roof. he lived in the building across from you after all. at first he had simply found out on accident. a night where he couldn’t sleep, tangled in a mess of silk sheets, forced to listen to the loud city nightlife. instead, picking up on a unique rhythm that seemed to draw him in. he knew it was you, all the time spent together in college your heartbeat was something he couldn’t forget and it was your heartbeat that lulled him to sleep that night. he would say it was simply “coincidence” the next day you bumped into each other at the coffee shop, where he asked you about how things were and where you were working. the next thing he knew, you were apart of nelson and murdock and he couldn’t have been happier.

foggy and karen noticed the way he acted around you. how he started becoming happier around the office when you were around. and how you acted the same way around him. you were oblivious to his feelings towards you. and matt could not help but keep you at an arm’s length. he never meant for foggy and karen to get caught up with the devil of hell’s kitchen, he intended to keep you out of it.

although, it didn’t seem to last very long. after that sleepless night he couldn’t stop listening for the beat of your heart. even on his nightly patrols. he had convinced himself that he was just checking in on you, as you were his coworker and friend. nothing more. at least, that is what he said to himself. which left him a few roof tops away from your hypnotically musical beating heart, trying to decide between circling the block for the seventh time or finally giving in to see exactly what had you on the roof for the last three hours on that chilly night.

+++

your head perked up the second he landed on the roof. almost as if, similar to how he was listening for your heart beat, you were listening for him to. a part of it was true, at first the nights on the roof were an escape from everyone. but the devil of hell’s kitchen had become an exception the night he joined you on the roof for the first time. a complete stranger, a vigilante, and maybe even the devil himself sat next to you until three in the morning that night. you didn’t know why, but you trusted him, telling him everything about your life while he spoke vaguely about his. but you connected in a way neither of you could describe. the devil of hell’s kitchen became one of your favorite people to talk to. you were starting to think you told the vigilante more than you told karen, foggy and matt.

you had been wondering if he was going to show. it had been a while since the devil has visited you. but, he had a city to protect. a small smile spread across your face, your arms wrapped around yourself for a bit of protection from the chilly night.

“i was wondering if you were ever going to show.” you couldn’t help but pay attention to the way he crossed the roof top to sit beside you. the dim reflection of light from the neon bill board soaking you both in slowly fading colors.

“the city is quiet tonight.” he offers it as the only explanation for his wear-a-bouts. he didn’t intend to get you involved with daredevil’s business. even if he was breaking his own rules by speaking to you in the costume. you were special. he knew you were simply two strangers when he was the protector of hell’s kitchen, simply someone to talk to and confide in. but a part of him desperately wanted you to notice him. notice how he was trying to flirt with you as matt, and how daredevil was his only was to get closer to you without completely embarrassing himself around you.

“i’m glad you’re here.” i missed talking to you. you say in your head. your thoughts racing. he feels you lean into him slightly, he almost can’t contain the smile on his face as he feels you relax against him. he knows it’s been a long day.

“what are you thinking about?” he ask.

it takes a moment before you answer. you aren’t exactly sure what to tell him. you know enough about him, to know he knows when you’re lying, so it’s better not to. but you don’t want to dump everything about your life to the strange vigilante man you’ve started to make friends with on the roof of your apartment building.

he can hear the way your heart begins to race slightly. his brows furrow, as he’s trying to decipher just what might have your heart racing before you can utter a word.

you take a sharp inhale.

“i think i like someone.” it comes out quick.

he can fell his heart sink to his stomach. his lips coming into a fine line. a small part of him upset at the idea you could be interested in someone else. he’s angry, then jealous, even sad, thinking of the person so lucky for you to be pinning over. slightly cursing himself off for not trying to ask you out sooner. he then pulled a smile, the best he could muster.

“you should do a criminal background check on him, he could be a criminal.” he joked.

“he’s not a criminal!” you laugh, “at least i don’t think so. he’s a lawyer.”

had you met someone through one of the cases the nelson & murdock firm? dating a former client? oh god- did you like foggy? no-- the thoughts rushed to his head so fast he didn’t realize the way he tensed.

“don’t lawyer’s not have souls?” something you had jokingly said to him at one point at the office.

“ha! you know, i used to think that. but, i’m pretty sure he’s special, a lawyer with a soul. he cares a lot about his job-”

“what does he look like?” jealousy and a bit of curiosity had gotten the better of him, wanting to know the person who beat him to the punch. something he would silently be envious of.

“well.. he’s around five ten. he has this dark brown hair and he’s growing a stubble right now, sometimes i wonder what he would look like with a beard. oh and he wears these red glasses with golden frames, he almost never takes them off but he has these dark brown eyes i cant stop thinking about. he walks in the office every day and i can hear him come down the hall with his cane, and my heart races” your heart racing as you ran out of breathe, your entire face heating up as you realized just how odd your situation was. telling the devil of hell’s kitchen about your silly little crush. “i’m sorry i didn’t mean to rambl-”

“you really like him?” he spits it out quickly. your heart beat becomes muffled over his own rapidly beating heart. his throat felt dry. the realization hitting him, that he had gotten himself too attached to the idea of you liking him. but he couldn’t take back his words, a part of him didn’t want to take them back, genuinely curious.

matt and you were just friends. but he was craving more than playful flirting and friendly joking. his previous relationships had been temporary, but you were the constant steady thing unlike anything else he needed in his life. a balance. you weren’t like anyone else he had met. you didn’t walk on eggshells around him. you fit perfectly in with foggy and karen. you were compassionate about your work on cases for clients at the firm. you made him feel comfortable to smile, laugh. that there was a type of normalcy in his life.

your voice brought him back to reality.

“yes. i do.”

“i think he’d be lucky to ask someone like you out.”

you laughed.

“thank you. but he’s kinda my best friend.. and my boss.” he hears you shift as you move to stand, your arms wrapped around your torso. what time was it?

“maybe he’s already in love with you.” there’s something about the way that he says it that makes you pause. you smile slightly and shrug.

“sounds like a fairy tail. thank you, for another night protecting the city i mean.” you joke, “it’s nice talking to you.”

“goodnight, <insert name.>”

you’re walking towards the door back into your apartment building, looking back to see the devil of hell’s kitchen dip off the edge of the roof as you close the door behind you.

+++

the next morning matt woke up to the automated voice coming from his alarm clock. a part of him was worried it was all going to go wrong some how, but the aching hole in his heart was tugging and tugging. he got ready rather quickly, showing up to the office earlier than he usually did. making it a point to use the slightly damaged coffee machine to make two fresh cups as you entered the firm.

you seemed surprised he was there so early, your heart beat racing as you recalled the conversation you had about him with the vigilante last night. he couldn’t help but walk straight up to you, holding out a cup coffee to you. you gratefully took the cup.

“i was wondering if we could get dinner?”

“like a date?” your heart beat is fast.

“like a date.”

“i’d love too.”

the devil was right. he was in love with you from the start.

+++

#matt murdock x reader #matt murdock #marvel #mcu #matt murdock x gender neutral reader #matt murdock marvel #mcu matt murdock #dare devil #x reader #x gender neutral reader

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ryttu3k · 4 months

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Thoughts on Doctor Who - Rogue, which is largely theorising on who the character is! (Yes, yes, I'm a truther for that theory.)

So we got: 1) Kylie and Lady Gaga (and Billie Eilish which I didn't recognise), 2) Dungeons and Dragons (roll for initiative), 3) Libertango!, 4) Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, 5) cosplay, 6) Bridgerton (which, not my thing but pretty important overall), 7) a Shalka reference?? and 8) gay longing.

Oh yeah we're back.

Shades of the Family of Blood with the Doctor wanting revenge for Ruby's apparent death. Dude trapping someone for centuries in an empty barren dimension is worse. That's worse, right? Doctor, babe, you see how this is worse, right?

Love the foreshadowing with Ruby's earrings.

Rogue mentions a new boss and paperwork. I wonder if this is the same new boss that Beep the Meep mentions?

Spent the entire episode trying to work out why the Duchess looked familiar. Took me until the credits to see it was Indira Varma. Welcome back, Suzie Costello!

Who is Rogue?

Fuck it I'm a Master!Rogue truther. The evidence, as I see it:

The name. The Rogue seems quite appropriate for a notorious renegade!

lbr setting up an intrigue involving cosplaying bird aliens for Doctor Enrichment 100% feels like a Master thing to do.

The Kylie. The Master is a Known Pop Music Enjoyer (see: Rogue Traders, Scissor Sisters). Also 'Can't Get You Out Of My Head' is hilariously on the nose for the Master's… everything.

The ship, complete with TARDIS-esque central column and also being a mess.

He lost someone. The ship was made for more than one, and he lost someone.

The Master, gaming, and crit fails.

The TARDIS got grumbly. She, of course, has a history with the Master.

Rogue has to be a time traveller instead of just a human-looking alien from the same time period because. D&D and Kylie weren't around in 1813.

The ring! The ring! Come on!

Arguing across the stars.

So apparently it wasn't just Libertango they were dancing to. At least one site makes mention of the fact that given the rest of the contemporary music in the episode, it was most likely the 1981 Grace Jones song that heavily makes use of Libertango - called I've Seen That Face Before.

Okay so one major thing against him being the Master - more or less sacrificing himself to save Ruby. And that's where I keep coming back to the ring. What if it's something like a chameleon arch? It literally wouldn't be the first time an arched Master became generally more altruistic and caring, it happened in his first story back. Which was, needless to say, written by RTD! (I realise this one was not but he's still showrunner and lbr if he told me, "Hey, do you want to write a Doctor Who episode that references D&D, cosplay, and the return of the Master?" I'd be jumping up and down saying, "UM, YES?" at quite a volume.)

Not necessarily the Master specifically, but 'the one who waits' could be an apt description for someone whose last words to the Doctor were, "Find me."

Like yes there are 100% Jack vibes but also. Look. Look…

Continuity

Another Susan Twist appearance, this time in painting form. We'll be getting the payoff for that next week, looks like!

Ruby mentions some of her past, including the snow, which feels like a significant thing to mention.

Absolutely playing with the stories are real theme here, with cosplayers taking things entirely too seriously, and Rogue's entire Thing being based on D&D.

Season ranking

As of s40e06:

73 Yards

Rogue

The Devil's Chord

Dot and Bubble

The Church on Ruby Road

Space Babies

Boom

#doctor who #dw spoilers

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thatseventiesbitch · 5 months

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What other Eric and Donna moments are there in season 8? 👀

Off the top of my head, there's:

Eric sends Donna a postcard shortly after he's arrived in Africa. It has monkeys on it and says 'I'm still bananas about you'

Every year on Donna's birthday she has to give Eric a birthday spanking and then he dances around in his underwear (😂🤣😳)

One time Eric and Donna went to a bar and watched each other hit on other people to be ✨spicy✨. Donna got 4 phone numbers and Eric got the high score on the arcade games.

In S8xE5 "Misfire", Donna waits up all night for Eric to call her and falls asleep at the kitchen table. He doesn't - but calls Kitty instead. Later at the Formans' anniversary party he calls again, but when Kitty hands the phone to Donna he quickly makes his excuses and ends the call. Donna's upset, but tries to play it off.

We know very little about Eric and Donna's break-up. Donna was really upset afterwards (she threw a basketball Randy gave her through a window and burst into tears). She tells Hyde it wasn't that big of a surprise, that Eric said ever since he left for Africa he felt like their lives were drifting apart os he decided for the both of them that they should move on (she never actually explicitly says whether this was a letter or a phone call - the idea that he sent a letter has kind of become accepted fanon). Hyde gives her a pciture of Eric and a lighter and she says she'll burn it later (but looks at it sadly after Hyde walks out).

In S8xE13 "Spread Your Wings", Kitty is redoing Eric's bedroom and she gives Donna a box of notes and gifts she'd given him over the years. She says she didn't read them, but adds that Donna has a potty mouth (😂). Later Donna is going through the box on the Vista Cruiser and she plays a tape recording she left for Eric on his birthday one year - she says she has a sexy surprise for him and to look across into her window. Then she says "Yeah, I thought you'd like those!" (🤣). Later in the scene Randy joins her and when he starts playing with the lightsaber she pictures him as Eric and gets upset, and shoves him off the car.

In that same episode Donna says she has a lot of memories in Eric's bedroom and it's strange to see it changing/empty, and Hyde teases her and says he's sure the bed in particular brings back some memories (and then bounces up and down/making the mattress squeak).

In S8xE14 "Son and Daughter", Kitty and Donna get into it about why Eric left for Africa. Kitty claims he wouldn't have left if Donna were a better girlfriend, and Donna claims he left to get away from her smothering, controlling parenting. Later in the episode they make-up. Kitty tells Donna that when Eric gets back they will have a talk on the hood of the car (yes, she watches 🤣) and get back together but Donna insists they won't. Kitty admits she's upset that Eric left, she wanted him to stay here and marry Donna and give her grandchildren. Donna says she'll always care about Eric - but that it's really over.

In S8xE18 "We Will Rock You" when they're at the disco burning, Donna tells Randy that if they put together a roomful of the people he's dated and the people she's dated, they'd have a room full of girls - and Eric.

In S8xE20 "Leaving Home Ain't Easy", Randy is showing Donna around his apartment where she's just agreed to move in with him. He is being very nice but you can tell something's off with Donna, even though she keeps insisting she's fine. But then she abruptly runs out. She goes right to the Formans' driveway and seems to be heading for their house, but then she stops herself and heads back towards hers - as if she remembered Eric isn't there to comfort her.

Then of course we all know how the series ended - Kitty announces Eric called and he's coming home. Hyde tells Donna, "Yeah, you're not going anywhere," even though she insists she's leaving for college throughout this episode and the next.

In the finale, Donna shows up with Kitty and Hyde to wait for Eric and Red to arrive home from the airport. Hyde's surprised-not-surprised to see her and teases that she still loves him. Donna says he's so off, but when the car pulls up she panics and asks how her hair looks/if she looks okay 😂. Eric missed his flight and isn't there. Donna is upset, she let herself get all excited and then he doesn't even show up. She calls him an inconsiderate jerk and says she's so glad they're over.

Final moments of the finale. Eric arrives, sees Donna on the driveway. Apologizes for being late. Says when he left he was so sure he was doing the right thing, but now he's been gone so long... Donna interrupts and tells him things are a lot different now. He says he thought about her every day - and that he's a dumbass. They kiss. Happily ever after. 💞

Okay so typing this out, there are actually quite a few Eric/Donna 'shipper nuggets in season 8. It's why I will always say it is worth a watch. An unpopular opinion, but, well, it's in my bio. Eric and Donna over everything.

#that 70s show #that '70s show #eric and donna #eric x donna #eric forman #donna pinciotti #otp: mom and dad #my essays #season 8

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biscuits-of-bagend · 3 months

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DnDoc #7 - Looking for Trouble

Part 1 Part 6

---

"As you can probably imagine, this time I didn't mind so much that the music refused to be turned off. The sonic released me and let me get control over my own feet again, but I could hear it flying around the room and zipping in and out of earshot. I may have done some quite embarrassing dancing with it as I turned the engines on, and the screens and the controls burst into life.

"Then I had a look out the window and realised the ship was exactly where I left it. In 1813."

Rogue looked straight at the Doctor to get his point across. Going by the Doctor's eyebrows, which shot suddenly upwards, the implication seemed to have been clear.

"Oh my god, we completely forgot to move it. It's just been sitting there in the middle of that garden. See this is the problem with cloaking." The Doctor lightly hit Rogue's arm with the back of his hand. "Out of sight out of mind!"

"How often do entire spaceships slip your mind?" Rogue laughed.

"Hey, I was a mess, okay?" the Doctor said, holding his hand up in the air in front of him. "Wasn't I, Ruby?"

"Oh, he was all over the place. Reverting to all sorts of bad coping mechanisms," said Ruby.

"Aw, that's sweet," said Rogue.

"Yeah, well, I was never going to remember an invisible ship in that sort of a state," said the Doctor. His feigned indignance was so funny, so adorable. Rogue hadn't properly laughed since that very night, the night he met the Doctor.

"So anyway, I had figured out neither of you were from 1813, but I wasn't sure when I was aiming for. I'd heard Ruby mention something called 'Bridgerton' though, so I had a look through the ship's interdimensional streaming service for a TV show or a film or a book of that name. The resemblance to the party was uncanny, if that's what the Chuldur were aiming for. I watched a couple of episodes while I relaxed and got used to travelling the stars again. Then I rewatched 1995 Pride and Prejudice because why not."

"Time travelling Netflix, very nice," said the Doctor.

"So that got me to the twenty-first century," said Rogue. "Then I just sort of… looked for trouble. I figured either you'd be somewhere causing chaos or putting a stop to it."

"Aw that's how Donna did it! Love Donna," said the Doctor. "She found me by spotting a dodgy, unexplained pill that popped up on the market. She got involved and snooped around the company because she knew I'd be curious about it too."

"Donna's Rose's mum, right?" said Ruby.

"Yep. You think you're legendary, Ruby Sunday? Remind me to tell you about the Legend of Donna Noble, Runaway Bride, Best Temp in Chiswick, Metacrisis Doctor-Donna, Mother Protector of Rose," said the Doctor. He smiled and whipped his head from side to side as if he was basking in sunlight.

"Who's Rose?" said Rogue.

"My niece," said the Doctor. "Sort of. Well, she's definitely a niece, the question is whether I count as the uncle."

"What?" said Rogue.

"Long story," said the Doctor.

"Ooookay," said Rogue. "Anyway, what I found was octopi. On land. Strangling people. There were loads of news reports about it. So I landed my ship and cloaked it in a nice big park just out east from the city centre, and followed the octopi."

"Sounds so simple when you put it that way," said the Doctor.

"You know, you say that, but do you have any idea how many blue police shed things there are in this city? One of them was selling CBD oil!" Rogue exclaimed. He rubbed his hands over his face. "I had no food in my ship, barely any water as you can see, and I have spent the past five hours running around this stupid city hoping to see the two of you but stumbling into tiny shed-based businesses instead! I don't even have any of this century's currency loaded up so no ice cream from the ice cream shed for me!"

---

Part 8

Note: For context, Glasgow has a bunch of old blue police boxes still dotted around the city, but they've all been converted into various small businesses. Someone on TripAdvisor has made a little gallery. For some reason one of them is actually red, as Sylvester McCoy recently discovered. The one in the Merchant City area has Pride stickers!

Also I've decided I like the fact Rogue knows about D&D but not cosplay so now he's a massive Jane Austen fan (as you may have noticed by his references to Emma Woodhouse) but hadn't heard of Bridgerton before.

@off-traveling-in-the-stars @casavanse @monster-donut (let me know at any point if you no longer wish to be tagged in each post)

#doctor who #doctor who spoilers #dw spoilers #fanfic #fanfiction #doctor who rogue

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hotcat37 · 5 months

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@technicallycleverdetective here's the IKEA! Jance version <3

8: what happens if one of them gets sick?

Nace is a natural caretaker so he'd be running back and forth doing whatever it takes to make Jan feel better. He'll cook soup, take Jan's temperature and stay with him until he falls asleep.

Jan himself isn't used to having to take care of other people but if Nace is sick, he'll make sure that his boyfriend doesn't try to do everything himself. He'll keep Nace stuck in bed by immobilizing him with blankets (+Igor and Ollie) and take care of whatever errands Nace was supposed to do that day

11: do they try to hide their emotions if upset?

I do think that would be a bit of a struggle, at least in the beginning of the relationship. Jan already isn't the type of person to open up easily while Nace struggles with feeling safe enough to be vulnerable. They're very considerate of each other tho and they don't pressure the other into talking about their feelings if it's too soon

12: do they have many heated arguments? How do they smooth things over?

This is a lill spoilery because there will be a chapter containing an argument and I don't wanna spoil their way of handling it yet haha But in general, no. Jan is extremely careful not to escalate arguments into fights and Nace is conflict avoidant so a huge fight is unlikely to occur

15: do they always say I love you before leaving?

They're the type of couple to use love confessions more sparingly so I don't see them saying it every time before leaving. Actions are a more meaningful way of showing love to both of them than words anyways

17: who's more likely to pull the other in by the waist and kiss them passionately?

Neither are very likely to do this as they enjoy casual intimacy and don't do big dramatic acts of affection. But I can see Nace picking Jan up in an enthusiastic bear hug and giving him a lill kiss <3

20: choose one song that perfectly describes their relationship

Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby-Cigarettes After Sex (the vibes are very much IKEA Jance)

Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine🎶

22: what reminds them of each other?

Jan: Djungelskog/teddy bears in general and the color purple Nace: leather jackets and cats <3

36: who's most likely to fire up the stove at 2AM because the other is hungry

Nace <3 Jan finds it difficult to take care of himself sometimes so it wouldn't be uncommon for him to go to bed on an empty stomach only for Nace to make him some food once he's awoken by Jan's stomach growling

41: which one would take off their jacket and drape it over the other's shoulders?

Jan has the tendency to assume that he'll be fine wearing just a leather jacket instead of a coat lol. Nace will always share his scarf and jacket with him <3

44: who would dance in the kitchen making dinner?

I think they'd dance together :D Cooking is supposed to be kind of a silly relaxing moment for them so if a good tune comes on they'll each do their own groovy moves lol

51: what's a non verbal way they say I love you?

Jan comes to visit Nace at work often to give him kind of a break from an occasionally stressful day which allows Nace to snap out of customer service mode if only for a few minutes. Also he'll take small plain snacks with him in his pocket whenever they go out in case it's hard to find some place to eat

Nace is already very attentive in their day to day life, but if Jan is struggling through a depressive episode, he's got his full attention on his boyfriend. He'll wash Jan's hair when he can't find the energy to do it himself and he'll motivate Jan to go outside at least a few minutes a day. He'll just show Jan even more love than usual and reassures him that he'll stick around even when Jan isn't doing too good mentally

55: do they like watching clouds or star gazing?

They're more into cloud watching <3 They'd definitely point out weird cloud shapes to each other haha

60: who pulls the other closer when they're sleeping?

Jan finds Nace to be super cuddly so he often can't resist just squeezing his big teddy bear against his body. Nace tends to get overheated easily at night tho so the squishing might be met with a dissatisfied whine 😅

#otp asks #nace jordan #jan peteh #jance #Jance ikea au

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fraudulent-cheese · 5 months

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So i watched episodes 3 to 8 of Pahkitew Island

Again, watched these with my buddy @rockin-it-rusty! And, holy shit these episodes have got me genuinly wondering why Pahkitew's so hated.

I'll go over the negatives first; the challenges are kinda eh. The Truth or Scare one is great, and the cave one is interesting due to it's hints at the Fake Island reveal (as heavy handed as they were), but most of these were just pretty out there to me? They mostly felt like an excuse to put the characters in situations mostly. Just have Topher make a narration joke, give Max and Scarlett an interaction, have Sky and Dave dance around eachother all due to a thing the challenge made them do. I don't mind the first two much, but the last one gets super repetitive man. Glad they mixed it up a bit by making Shawn try to wingman Dave though, i like their friendship! im a bigger dashawn shipper now oops

ANYWAYS IMA TALK ABOUT THE CHARACTERS NOW BECAUSE LET'S BE HONEST, THE CHARACTERS CARRY THE SHOW!

Amy... Ok im very mixed on her. On one hand, she serves her role as the mean twin relatively well. But on the other, that's all she really is! Her one trait is being mean and hating her sister, and that's all she really does! Granted she has a thing? Where she gets sayings (?) wrong, or just gets words wrong (she says parfait is german. it's french. i would know) which! could hint at something! (maybe less smart than her sister?) but they don't do shit with her outside of her swimming back to the island in episode 5. god i wanna rewrite this season so badly now to give her a bigger role. idk shoutouts to Twinning with a Twist for redeeming her while still giving her some edge ig.

Rodney. i uh

I haven't thought about him since his elimination honestly. I just doooooon't care about him it's crazy. Most forgettable guy in the entire series.

Sammy! Ok back to the siblings rambles! I wish the show leaned into her scheming more. Girl in five episodes pulled identity theft and did nothing else. Why. Her relationship with Jasmine is adorable, and i wish she got Jasmine to call her by her actual name, and a personality too! It's really a shame man :(

Sidenote, but like her team fucking hated her for some reason??? Like what. I know it's because of that one scene, but really?

Ella!! My sweet girl Ella!!! She didn't do anything wrong man she just likes singing leave her alone!!! Chris really fucking hates her and it's pretty entertaining at least, but i'd say his beef with Topher's funnier. She has a nice singing voice, and i love how passionate she is about fairytales and stuff. You could do so much with the Prince thing and the show... didn't. Like what even was that. Conflict that wasn't one that lasts an episode. what

Gotta say though, her elimination was fucking ass, Max 100% should've been kicked instead of her.

Topher. Ah the opher. He's a special case, even in the context of Pahkitew Island itself! Because the dude's not here for the game. He's here to meet his idol, Chris Mclean (he really knows how to pick em, huh). I like the progression he's got, from wanting his approval to straight up wanting to host the game instead of him. I'll admit, my opinion's a little skewed since i am mutuals with the Topher guy on Tumblr, but i like him regardless!

His relationship with Chris is easily one of the more interesting parts of the season, mostly because a 30-something year old dude having beef with a teenage fan is hilarious, and you could definitely spin it in a sad way from Topher's perspective.

It also helps that he's genuinely funny! His few interactions with the other campers are also pretty fun, he dgaf about them it's great.

Im kind of mixed on Dave, i'll be real. On one hand, im glad they ditched the whole "he doesn't like anyone on this Island" trait three episodes in because that would've gotten. SO ANNOYING. SO FAST. (hell i'd argue it was already annoying), and him being a hopeless romantic could be a fun trait, if done right. It also helps that he's really pathetic and i find that funny. His friendship with Shawn's fun too!

But on the other hand... Yeah, even before the finale the Skave plotline's really boringgg. They just dance around eachother for half the season for like! No reason! Please just have a conversation, even if it takes other people to sit them down to have it! I know why they didn't because the finale needed them to not actually talk about it but at least have Sky tell him she'll explain later or have him not be a coward and ask her about it himself!!! ack!!

Also the thing with him and Ella went literally nowhere. I have 0 feelings about it because it's just there for some reason. Idk they just really wanted to shoehorn in romance for every girl this season huh.

Scarlett's a really underutilized character pre-Island reveal. The bulk of her interactions with the other campers are with Max, who has a ton of screentime for some reason (which i don't personally really mind but i'll explain later) which honestly sucks because she's a fun character! I want to compare her to Twilight Sparkle at the very start of MLP. She's smart, she knows it, she can communicate with her teammates just fine and just chooses not to usually. I like her alot! Im just... really disapointed that she's so in the background usually; if anyone's a wasted character in tdpi, outside of the Twins i'd say it's her.

Her legit wanting to kill Max is great though. That's how i'd react to him irl. Don't get the Max saying she had a crush on him three episodes in, or the quip Chris made during the team switching tho.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, MAX! I swear, i was convinced i'd find this guy annoying pre-watch but uh... I like this guy! No really, i do! He's like Mal, only the narrative doesn't take him seriously in the slightest and it's hilarious to watch! Im like Sugar in that one clip, i am laughing at this buffoon's intelligence, and his stupid catchphrase, and his "evil" plans, and his general delivery! Max is funny!

Even when the Scarlett "minion" thing kicked in i still found him funny! Don't get me wrong, i wish he'd gotten out earlier (ESPECIALLY when he was supposed to get kicked in the episode Ella got eliminated into) or just gotten less screentime in general, but in the season proper, yeah he's a funny guy! Big gimmick, but i like him! Please don't add nuance to him, i don't care

Jasmine... certaintly exists! I'd call her the Season's rock, the one character that's emotionally intelligent on the show. She's fun in general, and also the only one noticing things going wrong with the robotic island. As said before, her relationship with Sammy is great to see, and i wished we'd see more of her and Sky's friendship and uh. For there to be more between her and Shawn? Because the only things i've retained is that they blushed at eachother once and then trust issues party because he hit her once during a challenge and that completely broke her trust in him - which, could be an interesting aspect of her character to explore since if that's all it took for her to pull a 180 on Shawn, the girl must have a complicated relationship with trust. That's an interesting flaw! It also shows up with her rapport in Sky in the later episodes of this batch, and. GOD. I wish it was developped man!

The issue? Yeah it's dragged on so longggg man! It's frustating to watch frankly because i really wish they'd resolve this conflict quicker since it's like. The same thing every episode :( to my knowledge it's solved in episode 9, but it did NOT need to be dragged out for 4 episodes.

Unrelated to her charater, but her height difference with the other campers is kind of ridiculous. In some shots the characters look so small compared to her it's crazyyy

Ok, now. Sugar. I'll be honest? She's great! She's just a menace and doing her own thing and it's fun to watch! She's also interesting in terms of backstory since she's canonically a pageant queen; her relationship with Ella is greatly impacted by this, since she heavily suspects her of lying to her face when it's just. Ella being Ella. Similar thing to her opinion on Topher; she doesn't like him for his sucking up to Chris, the host (something that Rusty probably agrees with). I fucking wish she was more popular because then people would look into her more, but alas. She's a female, plus sized character in Pahkitew Island, so considering the Fandom's biases, it was never going to happen. U_U

OK TIME FOR ZOMBIE BOY. So, Shawn. He's definitely more present in these episodes than he was before, and, again, i think he's fun! He's a weird little guy. He's got interesting skills (his camouflage, legit parkour, general athleticism) and his personality's interesting as well compared to the other guys. The zombie thing is fine, actually, because they do different things with it over the course of these episodes. Not much to say about him, he's a solid character to me and i wish he had more interactions with the cast outside of Dave and his pining for Jasmine. Who he's talked to like, five times at this point? Again, they probably should've talked stuff out faster than this for me to actually enjoy it. Oh well.

And finally, Sky. She's an interesting case for me? She's fine, mostly. She's the Normal Person™️ of the cast to me, and that means she really struggles to grab me. It's made worse by her main plot being a basic romance plot where the gimmick is that she's a reasonable human being and Dave isn't. And neither are able to have a normal fucking conversation about it either. The mixed signals thing could've been interesting, but this is Fresh TV writters, so of course it didn't end up that way. I assume the episodes without Dave are the ones where her personality shines more? Because so far she's just been really reserved and calm. And said she'd "focus on the competition only" And then. Doesn't. Really. God i wish this season treated it's female characters better :(

OK SO OVERALL THOUGHTS:

Im mixed on alot of the character decisions

god i wished these people talked more

the screentime is not well split among the cast

the romance plots and pacing of the Island plot are the weakest parts of this season

the challenges are fine

Why does Chef have 5 lines total.

Pahkitew Island does NOT deserve the overly negative rep it gets in this Fandom, at least based on the first 8 episodes.

#cheese posting #string cheesing #td amy #td rodney #td sammy #td ella #td topher #td dave #td scarlett #td max #td jasmine #td sugar #td shawn #td sky #tdpi #total drama pahkitew island #cheese opinions

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chaotic-on-main · 1 year

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Chapter 8: June - Part Two

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, romance, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse, smoking and alcohol abuse mentions, domestic violence mentions, light assault

☾ Author's note ➼ AAAAAAAA okay last part before shit starts ramping up. I HOPE Y'ALL ARE READY. This one might be a little rough as it's still some set up but hey, that's what makes slow burns so good right? See y'all with the next part soon. But in the mean time, beach episode anyone? :3

ALSO IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MY SUMMER EVENT CELEBRATING 250 FOLLOWERS YET PLEASE GO HERE!! I AM ACCEPTING REQUESTS UNTIL JULY 31ST!

☾ Word Count ➼ ~7.1k (whoops)

The smell of cooking meat wafts into your bedroom, waking you up gently from your deep sleep. You pop an eye open and are greeted by bright sunlight shining through the open glass door, the salty breeze making the sheer curtains around it dance. Shrieks of laughter make their way up to you from the beach below. Reaching over to your phone, you check the time and see it is barely past three in the afternoon.

Considering you didn’t get back to bed until late, you’re not surprised to have slept in so long – though part of you wonders why no one had come to wake you earlier. You turn onto your back and stare up at the ceiling, a smile creeping up your face. Last night was nice, strolling on the beach with Levi in the dead of night. You recall the way he said goodnight to you softly before closing his door in front of you.

You lie there for a moment longer, focusing on the noises coming from the other side of the bedroom door. The sounds of metal pans and dull chatter slip under the crack, too muffled to really make out words but there’s a few bursts of boisterous laughter from Erwin. You hope Levi got to sleep in as much as you did.

It takes a bit to assemble yourself, humming to yourself as you do. You even make your bed, thinking about what Levi might say if he saw you do that. The thought makes you blush. Once dressed, you do a double take in the mirror then nod to yourself before throwing the bedroom door open.

At first glance, you see Hange busy at the stove, their hair pulled up in a messy ponytail. Levi is at the bar drinking a cup of tea as he scrolls through his phone. His eyes slide over to your movement in his periphery but says nothing. Instead, he leans over and pours another cup of tea, dropping in a couple spoonfuls of sugar as well as some milk. He slides it to the seat next to him on the bar then goes back to his cup, not looking your way.

“There you are!! Good afternoon!!” Hange yells over to you while they flip what looks like a piece of grilled chicken.

After sitting down on the stool next to Levi, you give him a grateful smile. When you take a sip of the warm tea, you sigh internally at the smooth flavor. Levi knew how you liked your tea and never failed to get it perfect every time - you adored him for that. Setting it down carefully, you look around the rest of the living space.

‘Where’s Erwin?’

“He’s on the phone.” Levi says, pointing behind him.

You follow his finger and find it pointing to the main balcony attached to the living room. Erwin is pacing back and forth as he speaks through the mouthpiece, his best customer service smile brightening up his face. A laugh shakes his upper body as he continues to converse.

‘What is he doing?’

“Who knows with him.” Hange cuts in as they take the grilled chicken out of the pan and place it into a glass dish sitting off to the side. There are already a few pieces of the same chicken piled into it.

“They had a little farmer’s market this morning out in the square that I just had to visit. I saw a flier for it in the elevator yesterday. You would not believe the things they were selling.” Hange says cheerily. They reach over to you and set down a small bowl of mixed fruits before plucking a blueberry off the top and popping it into their mouth. “Speaking of, I know what we’re doing tomorrow night and you and Levi are not allowed to say no.” Hange then turns around to check on the sizzling meat.

You eye Levi, curious to see if he had any idea what Hange meant but he just rolls his eyes, grumbling something about ‘shitty-glasses’ under his breath. You shrug to yourself and start digging into your fresh fruit starting with the plump strawberries hiding at the bottom.

The sound of the sliding door opening and closing behind you makes your ears twitch. You swivel in your barstool mid-bite to the sight of Erwin walking over with a big smile. He’s wearing his light blue button down that matches his eyes perfectly, unbuttoned to show his white t-shirt underneath.

“That should be the last of the plans and reservations made for this week.” Erwin chirps. The weariness he wore yesterday is completely dissolved. In place is the essence of pure joy.

“Nice! Good job, Erwin. But uh- what are these ‘plans and reservations’?” Hange inquires as they lean against the island with their chin sitting in their palms, the spatula they were using currently dripping oil all over the counter. Levi scowls and shoves a paper towel underneath.

“Well, tomorrow we’re going to visit Liberio’s local museum. They have a lot of history and culture here that I think we would all be interested in. Then there’s a block party in the town square to celebrate the beginning of the summer. Hange should have told you that already, though.” Erwin chuckles as he sits himself down on the last barstool next to Levi. He pulls his phone out and starts scrolling for something.

You take this chance to side-eye Hange, shooting them a raised eyebrow. They lift their hands up in defense and turn to focus on the last chicken breast currently popping in the pan.

“Hmmm. Oh!” Erwin sits up as he finds what he was looking for. “The day after tomorrow, I scheduled a lovely all afternoon spa date for you two.” Erwin’s crystal blue eyes flick up over his phone screen to look at you and Hange, though their back is still turned.

“I can’t imagine you scheduled the spa for us, Erwin?” Levi mutters over his teacup before taking a sip.

“As much as I think it could be fun, no. You and I are going golfing.” Levi sputters on the dark liquid, staring at Erwin in disbelief.

“Seriously?”

“Just a small game. It’s been a while.” Erwin says nonchalantly as he continues to scroll through his digital itinerary.

“Just let me stay here.” Levi’s tone is dry, but you can’t help but laugh internally at the bratty disposition he gave off. His eyes narrow at his blonde friend.

“It’s too late, we’re both reserved for the course at 9am.”

Levi only huffs in return.

“Then we’ll meet up before going out to dinner. I’ve seen nothing but great reviews at this one place down the street. Apparently, the owner’s eighteen-year-old son is a prodigal chef.”

‘Oh yeah, I read about something like that before we left home. How did you get reservations so last minute?’ You pop a raspberry in your mouth while you eye him with surprise.

“I had these reservations set months ago. I just had to call and ask if we could add a couple more chairs.” You don’t press after that, pinching your lips together in a thin line.

“Last but not least is the Liberio Summer Festival.” He continues. “After that, we have one more day to rest up before we fly back home to Paradis.” Erwin locks his phone before placing it down onto the marble countertop.

“I think these are all great ideas.” Hange comments with a smirk. Your blond friend scoffs in amusement.

“You thought of half of them, Hange.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve been thinking about stopping by some local shops too. Sounds like we’ll have time to do that tomorrow afternoon, huh?” Hange says as they shut the stove off and then turns to wiggle an eyebrow at you.

You’re in the middle of wiping off the sticky colorful fruit on a napkin as they direct the attention to you. You shrug but shoot over a reassuring smile regardless. You’ve never been one for shopping, but it made Hange happy and that was enough for you.

The rest of the conversation dwindles into today’s plans for the beach. Hange cuts in and excitedly showed off the chicken that they had just finished cooking. They were happy to announce that they just needed a little more time to prepare but then you all could leave. You hear them mention something about a beach picnic for dinner, but your ears quickly tune them out as you find your mind wandering elsewhere.

Levi’s steely gaze falls on you for a moment. You both exchanged a look. At the time, you think it’s from the ridiculous antics your sister was up to as usual. But if you had looked harder, you would have seen there was something else there dancing in his eyes. He looks away and back down to his almost empty teacup as he grumbles something to Hange.

You excuse yourself a bit later to gather your things for the beach and Hange follows so they can grab their own bag from their messy corner of belongings. You note their bathing suit top peeking out from their loose shirt and wonder how long they have been up.

“Don’t forget to change into your bathing suit.” Hange shoots you with a finger gun and then slips out of the door, shutting it and leaving you in silence. Your hands hung midair as you were signing to them before they had left. They drop to your sides as you roll your eyes.

A sigh escapes your lips as you walk over to your suitcase sitting on the floor. You had stuffed your swimsuit in a small compartment meant to separate it from the rest of your clothes in the off chance it was still wet when you packed later. Reaching in, you feel the soft texture and you’re instantly suspicious. This isn’t the bathing suit you had packed.

When you pull it out, your fears are confirmed. Sitting in between shaking fingers is the pink two-piece Hange had semi-jokingly gifted for your birthday last month. You don’t know how they found it considering you had shoved it so far back into your closet.

You thrust your hand back in the same pocket to check just in case and come up empty. You dig through the rest of the neatly organized suitcase to make sure you didn’t place the original somewhere else. You find nothing.

Long gone is the black set you had packed a couple days ago, leaving you with this abomination as your only option. Considering you had to leave soon, there was no time to go out and buy another. If you had a voice, you would have screamed your now dead-to-you sister’s name. Instead, you stomp your feet and take a shaky breath. You resign yourself to your fate and start changing.

By the time you all make it down to the sand, your phone reads a few minutes before 4:30 in the afternoon. It had taken a little longer than planned to get the beach-side picnic packed. Hange had found a large wicker basket the owners currently used for blanket storage that they claimed would be great to transport food in. Levi had adamantly disagreed, but Hange promised they would clean it out before putting the blankets back in. That was that.

Now, you sit under the protection of a comically large umbrella in the comfort of your baggiest clothes. Levi sits next to you covered up about the same. He hadn’t worn shorts since you all had gotten here so seeing his extremely pale legs in the sunlight was almost blinding. Before you had even left, he covered himself in sunscreen, grumbling under his breath about ‘not taking any chances.’ He didn’t appreciate the laugh he got out of you for saying that.

The beach wasn’t too packed to begin with, something you and Levi both sighed in relief at. There was enough space in the back to find the spot you all settled into easily. A couple walks by as they swing their toddler between them, tiny giggles escaping into the summer breeze. A few teens scream in delight a little way off, laughing and yelling at each other. Erwin and Hange are digging around in the wet sand looking for shells in front of you, the sound of their chatter getting lost in the summer breeze.

A loud rumbling comes from your stomach as you stretch your legs out onto the beach blanket. Your face heats up from embarrassment at the noise and you hope it wasn’t loud enough for Levi to hear. Unfortunately, he has sensitive hearing.

“Hungry?” He looks over to you, his eyes shaded in black sunglasses. You can’t tell if he’s even looking at you.

You give him a small nod, puffing your cheeks out. This is what you get for only eating a bowl of fruit for lunch. Levi’s hair flutters in the wind, pushing it back and out of his face. You can already see the sweat sheening on his face from the excessive summer heat.

“Oi! Shitty-glasses!” He shouts to Hange who was currently on their way to you as he spoke.

“What, shorty?” They grab the water bottle they had set out earlier and unscrew it as they sit down on their towel a few feet away.

“When’s dinner? Your sister’s stomach is about to eat her from the inside out.” He points to you with a thumb.

“I’m thinking about another hour. Can you hang in there until then?” Hange frowns to you with concern.

You didn’t want to interrupt their fun, so you sign a ‘yes’, resulting in a wild grin from your sister. You could wait a little longer, you hope.

“Great! You two are missing out. Get your asses up!” Hange tucks their bottle under their clothes to keep it from the sun and push up from the ground.

Erwin trots over, saltwater dripping off of him with every step. With his blond hair slicked back, you could have sworn he was made for the beach. He resembles what you would imagine the god Apollo would look like. Meant for the sunshine.

“Why are you two still sitting here, fully clothed at that? The water is this way.” He points behind his shoulder. He beams his award-winning smile down to the two of you as he waits for a response. He doesn’t get much from Levi other than an eye roll. You fidget with the blanket underneath you, curling your fingers into the cloth. The anxiety you had pushed down from earlier starts to bubble up again.

‘I’m just keeping Levi company.’ You sign what you believe to be half-truth. Before you all had left Paradis, Levi had warned he wasn’t going into the ocean. He had said something about it being gross and that fish defecated in it all day. So, Levi wanted to stay on the blanket, and you decided to stay with him.

“Then I guess Levi has to go in.” Hange glances over to Erwin with a smirk. Erwin starts to step over to Levi, still dripping wet from his plunge earlier.

“Don’t even think about it.” Levi’s voice comes out in a low warning. You can already see the gears turning in everyone’s head and you were afraid of what might happen if you let things continue. In a hurry, you stand yourself up and place your hands out to calm everyone down.

‘Fine, fine. I’m coming. Leave Levi out of this.’ You sign with shaky hands. You dreaded this the moment you saw yourself in the mirror before leaving. Hange nods in approval and crosses their arms as they wait. The corner of their lips twitched in anticipation at what they knew was about to happen.

Your fingers tremble as your thumbs lock into the belt loops of your shorts. Carefully, you slide them down your legs, being careful not to fall over as you step out of them. As if you were pushing off the inevitable, you fold them neatly and place them on top of the beach bag that sat next to the food basket.

Taking a deep breath, you grip the soft fabric of your shirt and lift it over your head. You hear a sharp intake of breath followed by a little cough and you don't have to look over to see who did it. Your face is about the same shade as the bathing suit you had so desperately tried to hide.

Now, the suit was really cute, you won’t deny it. And it was very flattering on your body as well as against your skin tone. But it was not a style you would have chosen yourself nor like anything you’ve ever tried on before. It was salacious in nature despite the fact that it covered the important bits.

The top has built-in cups that push everything up and together, giving even those on the smaller side an illusion of a heavy bust. You were afraid that any wrong move you made would result in a spill out from how low cut it was on you. Your bottoms were high waisted, much to your relief. But with the high waist came the high hips so your thighs and most of your ass was on full display. It hugs your body just right, and you never felt more vulnerable.

Hange wolf-whistles at the sight of you, prompting you to use the shirt you still had in hand as a cover up. You can’t bring yourself to look at anyone, mortified at the unwanted attention.

“See, what did I say? She looks cute, does she not?” Hange wraps her arm around your shoulder, almost knocking you over. You hug the shirt closer to your chest as you stare down to the sand your toes are currently digging in.

“Hange, why do I have a feeling she didn’t pack the suit?” Levi’s voice cuts in. Your eyes flicker to him quickly before looking away. Despite Levi’s casual tone, the tips of his ears are bright red and you’re pretty sure it’s not from the heat.

“Okay fine, I swapped it out. But she looks good!”

“Her comfort is important, Hange. She’s obviously not comfortable.” The way Levi dismissed their question while simultaneously coming to your aid makes your heart jump.

“Okay you guys, there’s nothing to be done about it now.” Erwin looks to you now, a gentle smile gracing his also rose-colored cheeks. “You don’t have to go in. We can stop for another suit before the next beach day.”

You were uncomfortable, yes. But…

Your eyes glance over at the waves crashing towards the shore. Multiple people splash around with joy, indicating the water must be nice today. You were looking forward to this day, and you would be mad at yourself for allowing your discomfort to ruin it. You fold your shirt and place it on top of your shorts before putting on a smile for everyone.

‘No. I’ll be okay.’

“Thatta girl. Let’s get you slathered up with sunscreen first.” Hange walks around to one of the beach bags and grabs one of the aerosol sunscreen cans they had bought earlier in the day. Even for a hot day, the impact of the cool mist hitting your skin creates goosebumps all over your body. You cough at the chemicals going up your nose after they spritz your face.

Once satisfied, they toss the can back into the bag before turning and jogging back into the clear ocean where Erwin currently floats in. You twist around to face Levi, ignoring the palpitations your heart is currently going through. His gaze snaps up to yours, eyes still covered by his dark spectacles.

‘Are you coming?’ You shoot him a soft smile.

“Just go.” He mumbles quietly. His words hold no malice, but you can’t help but internally recoil at his short response. You nod in his direction and take off towards the water. Had you looked behind you, you’d notice that you never left Levi’s sight.

You hesitate as you get to the shore, just as you did last night. The frothy seawater quickly makes its way to your bare feet, crashing over them and retreating just as fast. You laugh to yourself at the feeling of the sand displacing from the rushing water underneath your toes. The water is much warmer than when you had first greeted it so many hours ago. With a child-like grin, you run into the opposing current.

You had been splashing around with Hange for about 20 minutes when the sudden dizzy spell hits you. With the waves bouncing you up and down, you feel tingles in your feet that were currently suspended from floating in the salt water. You needed to get out.

Without saying anything to your companions, you start wading back to the shore as best you can. You didn’t realize how far out into the ocean you were until now. With each stroke you made back to land, the more static that filled your head. You blink hard a few times trying to fight the lightheaded feeling as your feet dig in the wet sand in an attempt to push yourself forward more.

By some miracle, you’re able to make it back to where the waves just crash on land before your legs collapse from under you. You’re able to catch yourself so you don’t face-plant into the firm sand beneath you, but your arms are shaky and the water slamming into you doesn’t help. Hange’s and Erwin’s shouts from behind come to you muffled. You shake your head, trying to knock back the nausea that came from feeling like the earth was spinning.

Suddenly, there’s a hand on your back as another pulls your chin over to look into the stormy gray eyes of Levi. His face is laced full of worry as his eyes scan your weary features. The blood rushing to your ears is almost as loud as the ocean and because of that, you have a hard time understanding anything he’s saying now. It takes a moment for you to realize he isn’t even talking to you, and instead to the people coming up from behind you.

Your eyes shut tight as you feel him lifting you off the ground and into his arms. He holds you close to his chest as he starts speed-walking back over to the spot you all had claimed. With the motion of his steps mixed in with the world already spinning around you, your nausea grows worse.

You grab the shirt Levi still had on in a tight fist, hoping it will help ground you. You notice his shirt is currently getting soaked from your wet body, adhering to his seemingly toned chest underneath. If you weren’t on the verge of throwing up, you would have been more aware of how fast his heart was racing holding you so closely with such little clothing on.

“Don’t worry about it.” Levi grunts down to you. He kneels into the soft blanket and sets you down gently before reaching over into the basket. Pulling out a soda, he makes quick work of popping it open and bringing it to your lips. You blink a few times at him. The worry behind his eyes is ever present as he watches you carefully. Your hesitation, however, makes him scowl.

“Drink.” He orders.

If you weren’t on the brink of passing out, you would have found this situation embarrassingly intimate. You put your mouth on the metal lip and Levi helps to tip it for you, carbonated sugar dancing on your tongue as it goes down. It’s like this for a couple minutes. Levi tipping it back every few minutes, and you're staring anywhere but his face.

Eventually, the world feels like it’s slowing down. The sounds around you trickle in with clarity and you’re finally more aware of your surroundings. Your eyes trail back over to Levi, still on his knees next to you with the can in hand. His eyes haven’t let your face, nor has the concern lessened. You shift around to get comfortable and notice that your shirt has been placed back over your head somehow.

Gently, you place your hand over Levi’s and push it down and out of your face.

‘I’m okay, now. I think.’ You sign, your hands still visibly shaking.

“You dumbass, this is why we should have eaten earlier.” Levi’s voice is gruff. He shoots daggers over to where your sister currently sits.

“I didn’t pay attention. That’s on me, I admit. We’re eating now, though.” Hange’s voice is drenched with guilt. They nod over to Erwin who was currently pulling out plates as well as miscellaneous covered dishes filled with what you expect is dinner.

“How is she?” Erwin asks as he pops open the top of the chicken salad Hange had made earlier.

Levi’s eyes meet your gaze again, waiting for your response.

‘Better.’ You offer a small smile. In truth, you did. The soda brought your heart back to a normal rhythm and you could finally feel your fingers.

“She says better.” Levi mumbles. He sits back down on the blanket before gingerly rubbing at his knee he had been kneeling on.

“Good, let’s dig in then.” Erwin smiles over to you as he hands you a plate filled with chicken salad, crackers, and various chopped up veggies.

Hange crawls over to you, most of their skin now dry from sitting out in the sun during this whole ordeal. They lean against you, resting their head on your shoulder. You can’t see their face very well from this angle, but you suspect they might be frowning.

“Sorry, my little berry. I’ve messed everything up for you today.” You see Levi open his mouth to say something, but you subtly shake your head. He closes it quickly and looks away.

You pat Hange’s head in reassurance with your other arm, feeling the grainy sand that currently sits between their hair strands. Erwin starts talking about something marine life related and you find yourself checking out as you slowly eat at your plate. And just like that, the group is back to silly conversations and taunting statements. The whole time, you find yourself throwing appreciative glances over to Levi and sometimes he’ll catch you, but he says nothing about it.

The sun hangs lower by the time you all finish cleaning up after yourselves. There were probably a couple hours until sunset. Erwin had asked if you wanted to come back into the water with them but denied their offer, instead opting to use this time to sunbathe. In all honesty, you still needed time to recalibrate after almost passing out. They were much more understanding and left you to your own devices. And Levi, of course, stayed behind with you.

Unfortunately, with the absence of Hange, you struggle a bit with the sunscreen. You were able to get everything in the front but when it came to getting your back, you found yourself fighting with the canister. That is, until you feel slim fingers taking it from you after you spray your hair for the third time.

“Tch, if you need help just say so.” Levi grumbles from behind you. Your heart jumps by his sudden proximity to you, his voice practically right by your ear. You hear him shaking the can before quickly spraying a layer of mist along your back, making sure to get your shoulders well covered as well.

“Some of the sunscreen isn’t sitting right. You might need to rub it in.” You glance back at Levi, eyebrow raised. You raise your hands to where he can see without having to turn around.

‘I can’t reach back there, dummy. Will you help?’ You keep a calm and collected face. Internally, however, you were freaking out at your request. With Hange gone, you had no one else to ask. A moment passes. Just as you think he had left in refusal of your bold invitation, you feel his slender fingers rubbing the oily sunscreen into your soft skin.

This isn’t the first time Levi has touched you, recalling the brief hand holding in the past. Not to mention him carrying you an hour ago. But this is the first time he did it with the sole intention of touching you, even if it was to help you stay protected from the sun. You’re not sure if he was doing it deliberately or not, but the pressure his nimble fingers used to massage the oils in was enough to make you shift your weight in an attempt to fight the feeling that was burning at your core. Levi’s fingers leave you all too soon.

“How’s that?” His voice comes out thickly. You turn back around to face him with a forced smile.

‘Great, thank you.’ He nods stiffly and turns back around before curling back up under the umbrella. You stand awkwardly before remembering why he helped you in the first place.

Taking Hange’s towel they had laid out, you fluff it up to get the sand off before stretching out on top of it. You’re still self-conscious of the fabric that hugs your body, so you find yourself lying face down and in the direction of the umbrella. You fold your arms under your head and rest your cheek against them. A content sigh escapes your lips from the sun rays kissing your skin.

It stays like this. You can hear Levi a few feet away, shuffling in place every couple of minutes. You also hear the cacophony of seagulls off in the distance, probably in search of food. There’s more laughter, some from Erwin’s very distinctive spirited self. All this mixed with the crashing of waves really adds to your blissful mood.

Your mind wanders, gravitating towards Levi as it always does. You can’t imagine this is his favorite place to be right now, despite his willingness to walk with you last night. You pull your head up to where your chin rests in between both folded arms and you stare over to Levi. He currently sits with his feet tucked under him in a crossed position, currently messing with something on his phone. Sitting up on both elbows, you snap to get his attention.

His face raises up slightly, but you can’t tell if he’s even looking at you with how dark his sunglasses were. Had you read his mind, you’d have known he was doing his best not to glance down where your breasts currently sit squished against the towel. His face gives nothing away, but his heart skips a few beats at the sight of you and the thoughts that lingered. Levi clears his throat before sitting forward and setting his phone down. You had his undivided attention.

“What?”

‘Just checking on you.’ You purse your lips at him. You get a sense of simmering attitude just threatening to bubble up in him.

“I’m fine.” He mumbles, shrugging his shoulders.

‘You don’t sound fine.’ You narrow your eyes at him.

“Well, it’s hot and this grainy shit is very annoying.” He sweeps at the sand that had transferred onto the blanket earlier. You raise an eyebrow at him and frown.

‘Why didn’t you stay back then?’

“Someone needed to make sure you wouldn’t drown.”

‘You don’t trust Erwin or Hange?’ Levi huffs at that.

“That’s funny.” He says without humor.

‘Want me to go drown so you don’t have to worry about me anymore?’ You stick your tongue out at him.

“Sure, just make it quick. I think I can fit in some time to clean the kitchen before Hange comes back to wreck it.” Your shoulders shake in silent laughter at his serious disposition. The corners of his mouth quirk up as well. You puff your cheeks out, your smile fading from your face slowly.

‘It’s not fair to you if you’re so miserable, Levi.’

“I’ll be fine. Stop worrying about me and focus on yourself, tch.” Levi mindlessly pulls at the small grains of sand still plaguing the area around him. A moment later, he pushes his sunglasses up so it’s holding his hair back, his whole face on display for you. “Are you having fun?”

You rest your chin in your palm as you eye him, giving him a nod in response. Due to the angle, Levi’s unblinking gaze peers through his long eyelashes. That feeling you had earlier, that burning sensation through your core. It’s ever present as you both continue to watch each other. Your eyes flicker down to his pouty lips before looking away shyly. After some silence between you two, you decide to lie back down, tucking your face into the crook of your elbow.

After a while, your back starts feeling like it’s on fire, so you turn over to give your front an opportunity for some sunlight. You tilt your head back to peep a glance up at Levi to see what he was doing, only to catch him staring straight back. He mumbles a sorry and looks back down at his phone clenched in white knuckles. You can’t help it, a smug smile teases at your lips as you flatten back out. Maybe this bathing suit isn’t so bad, you start to think.

You get about another fifteen minutes of peace until you hear Hange’s quiet laughter. Your first mistake is believing they were coming back for a drink break, so you kept your eyes closed. A shadow passes by and then suddenly you feel a cascade of warm water fall on your face.

You’re in such shock that you sit straight up and splutter at the water that has gone up your nose and straight down your throat. Everything burns from the excessive salt. You wipe your eyes in time to see the culprits running back to the ocean. Hange is laughing so hard that they’re not paying attention and end up tripping on their own feet. They take a nosedive into the surf.

You push yourself up from the now soaked towel and run after them, almost losing footing in the hot, soft sand. You’re still able to find enough momentum though. Erwin’s in the middle of laughing at Hange’s misfortune with his back turned to you that he doesn’t see you in time to stop you from tackling him from behind.

Erwin, of course, isn’t fazed by any of this. He stands almost half a foot taller than you with broad shoulders, so you were not taking him down any time soon. At best, you were able to koala around him.

You’re not sure how he did it but suddenly you were being picked up like a surfboard by his big hands and then tucked under an arm like a football. No amount of kicking and hitting makes him stop his amble into the ocean. During this whole time, your hoarse laughter escapes from your lungs.

Before you know it, he stops just as the water is up to his knees and stands staring off in the distance. Erwin is purposefully oblivious to your protests as he scans the distance with his hand as a visor to block out the setting sun. Suddenly, he stiffly picks you up like a surfboard again and your eyes widen at the realization of what he is planning to do. With your feet still kicking as they dangle below you, in one swift movement Erwin chucks you a good few feet away into the air. You only have time to pinch your nose before you crash back into the blue water like a cannonball.

When you break the surface, you come out laughing and coughing at the salty water you accidentally ingested. Hange is back on the surf and sitting down as the waves crash around them, laughing along with you. Erwin, however, is back at the umbrella talking to Levi. They’re too far away to hear what they’re talking about, but you can tell it’s a calm argument. Much to your surprise, you see Levi getting up just as Erwin turns around to head back. He has a satisfied grin, mixed with slight mischief. This wasn’t going to go well.

Eventually, Levi makes his way down to right where the furthest waves meet the sand and stands next to Erwin. His shoes are off as is his shirt. All that adorns his short stature is a pair of swim trunks and his sunglasses. Lean muscles ripple all throughout his body as he stands with both feet planted into the moist sand. He crosses his arms over his chest, eyebrows knit in annoyance.

“Okay, I’m here. Happy?” He calls out to all of you, voice loud to be heard over the waves.

Hange looks over at the source and raises their arms in excitement while screaming, “Yay Levi! Glad to see you make it. Come on in, the water’s fine!”

“Tch, yeah, no thanks. That water is fucking disgusting.” His eyes land on you as you bob up and down from the waves, his gaze noticeably softening when he sees you smiling at him. Unfortunately for Levi, you were too good of a distraction for Erwin’s antics.

You watch in bewilderment as Erwin lifts Levi up from the armpits like a toddler. The horror-stricken look that blanketed Levi’s face would have been comical if you weren’t so afraid for Erwin’s life. You’ve never seen someone go through the 5 stages of grief in such a short amount of time. Levi accepted defeat the moment right before he’s tossed into the water a few feet from you.

You guard your face from the inevitable splash, mouth agape at the audacity of Erwin’s actions. Hange starts laughing even harder until a wave larger than the others comes out of nowhere and hits them square in the face. Erwin loses it after that.

When Levi resurfaces, his anger is palpable. He starts to wade towards Erwin who was currently doubled over on his knees in a fit of laughter but your fingers clamp over Levi’s forearm to stop him. In a knee jerk reaction, he yanks his arm out of your grip and whirls around on you. The dark look in his eyes diminishes quickly as he realizes it’s you. The anger never leaves his face though, every muscle tense with his jaw locked.

You grip Levi’s arm gently and start tugging him opposite of where your friends currently sat laughing. Keeping yourself afloat in one place was hard enough on your own, but dragging someone behind you was another story. Fortunately for you, Levi doesn’t resist as you trudge through the sand and ocean currents to the shore. Eventually you both make it until you’re ankle deep in water and you turn to face him.

Levi’s face is contorted less so than before, only showing pure annoyance. His eyes don’t meet yours, instead staring off to somewhere off in the distance. You release his arm and reach over with both hands to cup his face in them, twisting his face in your direction. His eyes widen, stunned at your sudden touch.

One of his hands reaches up, three fingers curling around the back of your hand and pulls it down off his face. He continues to hold on to your hand though, refusing to let go.

“Don’t even think about apologizing.” His voice comes out gravelly. His eyes narrow over your shoulder, probably to Erwin if you had to guess. You pull your hand out of his to sign, but you can feel the lingering warmth of his skin still pressing into your palm.

‘I won’t. Are you okay?’

“No.”

‘Do you want to leave?’ Levi’s eyes drift back to yours, and you can see the gears turning in his head.

“The beach or the ocean?” He kicks his feet in the clear shallow water. Levi is obviously uncomfortable. You recall the way he had stuck up for you earlier in his own Levi way, and it was your turn to help him, if he wanted it.

His gaze softens as he stares back at your sun kissed face. He grips your wrist and starts walking back to the group’s belongings, tugging you along with him. As he passes Hange and Erwin who are currently eying the two of you, he flips them both off. You don’t get to see their reaction as you’re being pulled away quickly.

When you both get back, Levi grabs two towels stuffed into one of the bags. He hands one to you before using his own to ruffle his hair dry. When he pulls the towel off, your heart threatens to explode at the sight. Levi’s hair sticks up in different ways and you can’t stop the blush from creeping into your cheeks. He wasn’t being fair, being this attractive.

You walk over to your clothes, planning to pack everything up once you dry yourself off more. He surprises you, however, by sitting down in the shadows of the early evening sun instead of getting his things to leave. His knees pull up against his chest as he looks up to you and offers a hand. Was his face pink from the heat or…?

“I’m fine. Just come sit.”

‘Are you sure?’ You frown down at him as you wring the saltwater out of your hair. He says nothing and instead continues to watch you intently. You roll your eyes at him and lightly take his hand. You lower yourself down next to him, shoulder to shoulder with him facing the horizon.

You were fine spending the rest of your life watching the ocean glitter gold under the setting sun with him by your side. Content, even.

You could have sworn you only blinked once, but the bright sands you were once staring at suddenly turned into the soft cloudy lavender sky and the jaw of one Levi Ackerman. He carries you against his bare chest, both arms cradling you in a bridal style. Your eyes blink slowly from sleep, the distance between blinks growing longer with every rhythmic step that Levi took. You were about to be lulled back into sleep. As if one more defiant act, you glance up. Those eyes of his, your favorite shade of steely gray, stare down at you just as you shut your eyelids for the last time. You hear him whisper just as you’re drifting away.

“I’ve got you.”

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