#instead of pretending theyre not there and letting things boil over

[deoidesign]

something that makes me sad is when people tell me the healthy communication in my writing is "unrealistic."

like guys this is how me and my partner talk with eachother... I'm writing from personal experience...

[420technoblazeit]

Abt the jealousy of Cas, I don't think Cas is jealous of Crowley for who he is . because I do think he thinks he's better than him, but in a relationship yea I can see jealousy and possessiveness I mean he did sear deans skin and carved into his ribcage. If they did get together literally all of body will be marked.

So either it's one month with Crowley then the other month with him

But also I just can see Cas just waiting. Until he becomes the priority. And until then let's dean do his own thing and Cas does his.

i mean i agree that cas isnt jealous of crowley for who he is and you can have your own headcanons. cas is certainly a character who has a lot of pride especially in the earlier seasons but i think a lot of that is gone by the time the later seasons come around. i'd argue even after season 6 he has significantly less pride, though i guess you could argue season 8 cas still has a bit of it. i just dont think that there's canon basis for him being a very jealous person when we've already seen a situation where dean chose crowley over cas (the demon dean summer) and cas didn't seem to hold any grudge with crowley over it

remember that we do see a conversation between sam and cas in 10x01 about dean running away, and while sam seems to think that there's a demon running around in dean's body cas understands that dean himself made the choice to run away. sam seems to think that crowley might have forced dean to leave but cas dismisses that almost immediately and instead brings up whether or not dean's too far gone as a demon. there's a focus here on dean leaving being dean's choice

also here's a scene from 10x03 from when crowley first meets up with cas again and discusses curing dean. if cas, like sam, didn't understand just how much dean meant to crowley he would've left it at that thinking that crowley was just using dean as a guard dog. but he makes sure to point out here that dean might be too far gone because he knows that for crowley to have stuck with dean for that entire summer he must care about what happens to him

even much later in the season cas again asks crowley for help in curing dean, even after sam has tried to kill him, and i think it's because cas is maybe the only person who actually gets it. who understands what it's like to be an immortal being in love with a human as reckless and self-destructive as dean. and to sacrifice so much for him and not ask for anything in return. he knew that even with nothing in return crowley would help in getting rid of the mark because he knows how much it's hurting dean

and about the carved ribcage and handprint thing if we're being honest the whole possessive branding thing is like. entirely fanon. to my knowledge the show never explicitly mentions that as being a possessive thing, the fandom just thought it'd be cute to make it into that. we know that the warding's main function is to hide sam and dean from angels and that the handprint is a byproduct of cas dragging dean out of hell. it is by no means proof that cas is actually possessive of dean or would be upset about him being with someone else

idk i just think pretending that cas and crowley's relationship could ever boil down to just ohhhhh cas is jealous of crowley's thing with dean significantly flattens their relationship and gets rid of the most interesting thing about it, which is that basically the only thing they can ever agree on is loving dean. that's unironically their common ground in a significant number of issues. theyre an angel and a demon to begin with so theyre already about as different as you can get but when you really look at the core of who they are, theyre both beings who are too emotional and human for their own good and you can always see that best in how they interact with dean

[xthelastknownsurvivorx]

Hamilton!firstprince au

(cross posted from twitter with a couple of edits b/c i couldn’t make them there)

in which i loosely follow the plot of hamilton except its firstprince and alex and henry get a happy ending. inspired by the striking similarities i noted between our favorite first son and his namesake hamilton in the broadway musical

the similarities:

both have/will have a political career

both often talk too much/don't mind their words

both began as lawyers

both extremely motivated but overwork themselves (“nonstop” +  “you have a fire under ur ass for no good goddamn reason)

both had some sort of sex scandal that impacted their career plans

hamilton speculated to be bi

the story

the setup of the colonized country alex lives in is similar to the usa vs england but fictional bc alexs race would have limited his opportunities in america's early years

idk names for either of these countries so its now the colony and the motherland

alex + his mom live alone in the poorer southern part of the colony

but his dad + june live elsewhere + they dont rly contact e/o (tho they do know of e/o’s existence)

june becomes a journalist who writes important pieces abt independence

when alex comes of age his mom reveals she used to be part of the rebellion

thats actually why his dad left to raise june bc it was too dangerous

his parents met in the rebellion but oscar left first for june while ellen stayed until she realized she was pregnant w alex

ellen still has some rebel contacts but she mostly sheltered alex to keep him safe

now tho alex decides to join too + the rebellion sends him up north to the capital for an education bc he's smart + they need people like that

he attends uni + meets like-minded people there

tension grows btwn the colony in the motherland, and alex + his friends write/speak out often and this goes on throughout their schooling

they’re also troublemakers in general too, much to the annoyance of the motherland soldiers stationed in the capital to prevent rebellion

henry is one of those soldiers

he's from a noble family in the motherland but was sent overseas as the sort of black sheep of the family due to his sexuality

the idea was to let him be in charge in the colony + reestablish a reputation there w/o embarrassing the main family back home

henry hates his job + feels bad for the colonists but still does what he's told anyway

alex + fhis riends like to bug motherland soldiers for fun

nothing  enough to put their lives in danger too much (although yes that too esp when drunk)

henry becomes a favorite target of alex's bc he's awfully stoic + statue like + on the way to uni - overall fun to antagonize 

there's also the fact that alex is angry at all the soldiers for oppressing the colony + holding up the motherland monarchs tyranny (but also alex just is the type to fight literally everything and anything) 

it becomes almost a daily ritual for them to argue 

henry wonders why this colonist keeps on picking a fight w him but soon almost looks forward to it

many of the other soldiers know or speculate why henry is in the colony but none make the effort to get to know him; some even call him arrogant or undeserving of his position

alex doesn't 

of course alex also doesn't know him

and alex hates him

but he doesn't whisper behind henry's back

henry comes to read some of the essays alex publishes speaking out against the monarchy + also hears alex speak to crowd in the square

alex is a talented + charismatic public speaker

henry finds himself growing increasingly sympathetic to the colonists cause

at the same time he and the other soldiers are order to be stricter and dole out more punishments

the others gleefully do so which makes henry concerned about alex's safety bc alex often seems to have no self-preservation skills

henry asks alex for a word when he's alone 

“am I in trouble?” “no but you bloody will be if u keep going on like this” 

“this is serious” “so am I” “you can't go around saying things so openly you'll get yourself killed”

alex tries to leave at this point “I think I'll be ok” but henry shoves him against the nearest wall 

“listen to me! stop acting like this is a game! ur putting ur sodding life in danger! I dont bloody care what ur opinions r but why must u declare them around enemy soldiers? how is this helpful 2 ur cause? u cant fight if ur dead” 

“you'd b surprised how effective martyrs are” 

cue enraged henry noises 

alexs gaze turns hard “listen i  appreciate/the advice” he says sarcastically “but I dont need an enemy telling me what to do. I can take care of myself” 

there's a stirring in alexs chest after he removes henry's hand and stalks off that he's pretty sure is anger

like it can't be anything else 

while alex is trying to convince himself of that, the tensions boil over + soon the two sides are on the brink of war then the fighting starts

henry + alex don't talk much for a while bc they're both busy on their sides preparing

school is on hold during the war so alex + his friends are looking to serve + bring glory to their names 

alex esp is recognized for his intelligence + becomes the recognized general rafael lunas secretary

luna is the george washington figure in this case who is impressed by alex wants him as his right-hand man

alex is disappointed his role is not on the battlefield bc he knows he has a good tactical mind + he could change the tide of a losing war + gain honor and status thru it, which would put him in a good position to be elected in the future

as secretary, alex is in charge of a lot of important correspondence eg for more supplies + men, so the motherland soldiers figure ambushing him off the battlefield would make things hard for the colonists

henry overhears this plan + immediately worries for alex's safety but he's cornered by another soldier to talk strategy + misses the chance to take out the men then

henry manages to catch that they're going to attack alex at night when he leaves + henry arrives just in time to kill them in a panic

alex hears the gunshot + yells “drop ur weapon”, drawing his own gun

henry obviously does + alex inspects the scene he keeps a gun fixed on henry

“what's going on?” he asks, eyeing henry w/ suspicion

henry explains everything + looks positively terrified bc he just betrayed his side even tho the motherland and his family has treated him like shit since he came out but still. 

becoming an outright traitor is not something henry ever planned + leaving behind everything he's ever known w no hope of ever going back is terrifying

but he also doesn't regret protecting alex

alex questions henry but can quickly tell henry is sincere + is telling the truth

henry explains his change of heart + they have a heartfelt moment in/just outside luna's office.

alex almost died + henry just switched sides, emotions are running high and they escalate into a kiss. the moon is out + it's all very romantic but they don't admit their feelings yet

soon after they go to luna, explain the situation + talk w the other generals/people in charge

henry is sent away on an assignment + is watched closely at first but he proves his loyalty quickly

henry and alex write letters back + forth that turn into love letters 

besides managing correspondence for luna, some of alexs ideas of sneak attacks/stealing supplies help turn the tide of the war andhe also writes to other countries for foreign aid

eventually the colonists win in this huge up start that no one anticipated bc the motherland is known as the most powerful country in the world

he + henry reunite in the capital of once the war is over

alex finishes up his studies + practices law + soon is chosen to be part of the new lawmaking body

things are going pretty well for alex w his legal + political success and his relationship with henry

they dont live together but theyre dating tho no one else knows

alex pretends to be single instead + says he doesn't want to be tied down

it works while he's still in his early 20s but as he gets closer to 30, people start to find it strange + tell him he needs to settle

being married to his work is also not a valid excuse anymore

it turns out alex made quite a few political enemies due to his strong opinions that he always vocalises + can be unwilling to compromise on

they don't like his ideas or more often hate him and hence his ideas too

they look for some dirt on him bc atm he has lunas support which has a lot of sway + decide they need to find out why he hasn't married

they manage to find out about henry + threaten to tell the public

alex is obviously distraught re the consequences personally + politically

so alex and henry discuss what to do 

henry is willing to put alexs political career 1st but firmly explains their relationship can't continue if that's the case

henry gave up his whole life + any possibility of going back to his family so he's not willing to be someone's dirty little secret  

alex doesn't know what to do so he goes to consult luna who he's become very close with over the years

luna is not quite old enough to be his father but he's like an uncle + he always calls alex “kid”, much to alex's annoyance

but alex knows he'll have some good advice

alex + luna end up having a long conversation

like washington luna has always been very vocal abt his regrets re his naivety + desire for glory back in his youth

hes always said that this was his greatest regret in life. but then he tells alex like he had another great regret in life- letting go of the love of his life

alex is surprised bc luna's never mentioned anyone special

“who is she?” 

“he” luna corrects “he was my best friend. we had something a relationship but it was short-lived bc I decided I wanted to join the military + attain glory. i thought thats what i wanted in life. turns out that stuff is meaningless w/o anyone to share it w. nor did I even achieve it. perhaps i did accomplish some things but now in my retirement I have no one by my side. i have found that life is meaningless without love and family.  

“i tried to find my friend to reconnect after all these years even as simply friends but he died in the war. alex, I see many similarities between us. don't make the same mistake that I did, alexander. glory + lasting legacy mean nothing if you're alone in the end

“if you make choices that are motivated by love and family you will be a lot happier”

alex takes his advice even though he kind of hates sort of giving up to his enemies

he decides to choose henry and his own happiness over politics bc in the end he's done a lot of good work and that much is enough

also his enemies probably would try to blackmail him throughout his career if he was doing something against their interests

so he + henry leave the capital and move uptown and the two of them have a quiet retirement + engage in philanthropy for the rest of their lives

separately they've amassed a decent amount of money - henry kept a portion of his inheritance despite being unofficially disowned and alex made a lot of money as a lawyer and then politician

as it turns out alex still has a tangential role in politics when some of his former allies go to him for advice

all in all, alex happy with his final decision to be with henry and step away from politics

the two of them live happy and full lives together

[karazrel]

Ugh same I don’t think her redemption arc will be done justice. If you were the writer for season 5 how would you go about the reveal? And if you’re a writer for season 6 how would you go about the redemption?

fair warning, this really got out of hand asdfghj

i really like the concept of lena leaving nc after the reveal and getting away from everyone so she can actually heal like in so many fics, so my ideal s5 wouldve been:

5x01 can have the same general concept w lena selling catco to andrea and the pulitzer award ceremony, except instead of revealing kara’s identity she’s planning on personally confronting kara and letting her know she’s leaving right before the ceremony 

that plan goes out the window as soon as kara confesses she’s sg and we see lena hesitate cause she thinks maybe they can work this out so she decides to stay 

then we have 2-3 episodes of lena trying to make it work, being invited out with the superfriends and actually going, spending more time with kara, doing her whole little boxes thing and pretending that she’s okay 

much like in canon, kara is relieved she hasn’t actually lost lena and barrels on with their friendship like nothing has changed until eventually lena cant take it anymore and it all boils over 

we get a 507 style confrontation except this time they actually address lenas anger without involving the dumbass mind control plot, kara apologises and actually acknowledges her mistakes but lena says she needs some time and tells her she’s leaving nc 

by 504 lena has left nc and gone to sam’s place because she has friends who care about her in this universe. she doesnt tell sam what happened beyond the fact that she and kara fell out, but sam being the angel she is, happily takes her in even if she knows theres more to it than that

in nc, kara’s storyline can actually be her finding out about coie and throwing herself into trying to prevent it. we’d finally get some good old fashioned character development and emotional growth at this point, maybe even another argo-visit for good measure

fast forward to crisis and it’s kara who goes to ask for lena’s help, lena’s still hurt and angry and doesnt want to speak to kara until she says something along the lines of “i watched my planet die again today” which has lena pausing, cause despite everything she does still care, and then karas telling her about not being strong enough to save argo even with all her powers and that she just cant bear to lose another person right now while lena comforts her

 later kara will tell lena they need her help and that she she knows that she’s messed up and lena has every right to be angry at her but she also knows lena is a good person and she’d never put her personal feelings above the well being of others 

lena of course agrees and comes back to nc but she’s still angry at everyone and not afraid to show it, this would be a great opportunity to have alex apologise for the role she played too and let lena know that everything that happened in s4 wasnt them manipulating her, alex does consider lena a friend and she didnt actually know who sg was at the time but she’s sorry lena got hurt in the process etc etc

fast forward through crisis and lex makes a comeback like w the show, the only difference is when kara shows up at lenas office in 5x10 instead of siding w lex, lena’s like “of course im not falling for his bullshit” cause she hasnt had her brains scrambled behind the scenes

lena has by no means forgiven kara at this point but defeating lex takes precedence and of course he cant know theyre onto him so they decide to keep their partnership a secret while maintaining the enemies facade 

brainy and lenas storylines would also intertwine here and lena would call him out on being a dumbass and pushing people away because she knows from experience how that turns out. brainy also gets a fair shot at lena’s terrible little boxes coping mechanism and then he starts working alongside her and kara to take down lex

eventually the whole reluctant allies and the late night 4x19 style meetings and karas insistence that she will make it up to lena no matter how hard it is and how long it takes, start chipping through lenas icy armour and she feels herself softening in the face of karas warmth and devotion

we get another confrontation scene towards the end of the season, except this time it’s not fueled by anger but the mutual desire to actually fix things, lena tells kara how much it hurt to be lied to by everyone in her life and how wrong it was of kara to use james against her and to pretend to be her friend while she was calling her a villain. kara apologises and explains how much of a personal boundary kryptonite is to her because of how it’s been used against her, and that lena is only the 2nd person she ever told willingly, and how she’d always felt like just kara when she was with lena and she didn’t want lena to see her differently, but she recongises that she’d hurt her either way and it was wrong. 

it’s by no means an instant solution to all their problems but it helps and it’s definitely the first step they needed to make their way back to friendship 

fast forward to the finale and we have the lex vs kara showdown where he manages to incapacitate kara, but lena’s there at the very last second to protect her, in a version of the lexosuit she upgraded. they manage to take him down together and we FINALLY move on from the lex luthor storyline

last scene in s5 is a parallel to the s4 finale, all the superfriends are together again and theyre waiting on lena, maybe shes standing outside a little nervous cause this is the first time she’ll be w them again after everything that went down

she’s pacing when kara comes out to check in on her, and then lenas apologising and wringing her hands together cause she doesnt know how to do this and she’s worried it’ll be too awkward so maybe she should just go

and kara is gentle and understanding when she says that she’d never force lena to do something she’s uncomfortable with but they all love her and want her there and lenas shoulders will relax a little and she’ll say she’ll be inside in a minute

“i can stay here with you, if you want” kara will tell her and lena will ask “for how long?”but it’s like she’s asking something else entirely. and when kara replies “however long you need” lena will smile softly and take kara’s hand so they can walk inside together

[musubiki]

Hc about conflictedshipping visiting another region? Sinnoh maybe???? Love your work ❤️!!!

hoOOOOOOO BOI LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THEIR TRIP TO KALOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

➞

im making it MANDATORY THAT THEY TOOK A SEMESTER ABROAD IN KALOS DURING THEIR TRAINERS SCHOOL TIME

(also this is where that one line of diaglouge in xy comes from. that one chick who tells you that green was there studying and only ever said smell ya later)

i was thinkin about giving them pokemon for this trip but. i think its better if their first pokemon come from prof oak later.

(gd i wish pom and vee were here for this that wouldve been amazing)

when they first got there leaf was worried that he was irritated he had to spend the whole semester with her there. he kinda scoffed and smirked at her and said something like “Are you kidding? I’d be angrier if you DIDN’T get the scholarship.” cuz they’re rivals. and he expects no less from her. he tells her something like its bad for his image if his rival isnt as good as him. he’s actually kinda happy that she’s there with him and he’s not gonna be all alone. 

this actually makes leaf really happy and kind of. sets the mood for the whole trip there

so they end up staying with this older couple who live in the heart of lumiose city and usually house the students every year. ofc they’re thrilled tho have leaf and green there. the wife owns a bakery/cafe and the husband works at the docks down in coumarine city. as a condition of them staying there, leaf helps with the bakery and green helps at the docks

when they first go there. they find out that. the kalos school doesnt require uniforms and theyre both kind of “???? so you just wear whatever??” greens perf fine with this but leafs kind worried bc she didnt bring THAT much clothes, so the couple takes both her and green shopping for kalos-style clothes. this is where leaf gets this outfit from and she LOVES IT shes adorable i love her so much

when green first sees her in it hes a little surprised because WOW what. “shes actually. kind of ok looking.” hes blushing shut up you idiot 

so they get to their new school and everyone intrigued by them oooo new transfer students whaaaat??? green right off the bat is all confident and doing his usual thing. winks at like 3 girls and they’re all fawning over him first thing.

but the school is very welcoming to them!! they get a lot of transfer student from all over the place so they have a lot of different people from different places!!

they actually have a pretty good time. a lot of the kids from school drop by the bakery just to. see leaf. same with the girls for green and business is good. amen. the couple is actually shook because they have so many profits

on weekends they get to go see kalos!!! its pretty.,. nice actually like esp traveling to like cyllage and laverre and anistar(leaf loves anistar city) 

and green is actually really enjoying theyre time there. it kind of feels like.,. dates.,. kind of.,. and he never voices it and STILL ACTS LIKE A JERK BUt.,. spending time with her here in kalos is actually kinda cool,,. we should do this more often, he thinks

they go to all the little cafes and explore that big mansion with the gardens, they actually get to go rollar skating around a couple times and ride gogoats like they live kalos life to the fullest

sometimes when they study at night he goes to her room and just chills with her on her bed (she has a huge bed and it’s really comfortable compared to his). they take turns reading the material out loud and leaf. really likes it when he reads she just lays there and stares at him and he. has a great voice shes dying a little here guys //

leaf always felt a little bit homesick. once when they were chilling in her bed she asked green if he missed home. he kinda sat there for a bit before answering with a “no, not really. it’s actually kind of nice to get away from everyone. there no real pressure to be anyone or do anything.” 

she wasnt exaclty sure what he meant but lowkey. he was actually talking. about her and him. because in kanto they’ve been rivals for so long it’d be weird to hang out with her and go see places like they do there. but no one in kalos really know them so hes just.,. ehuhhhhhh i dont wanna go home

okay ANOTHER THING THAT HAPPENED IN KALOS WAS THIS: at some point, one of the students at their school fell desperately in love with leaf and she. didn’t even like him at all. like he was just some persistent rich creep so yes. im doing this. no one can stop me. to get him to give up she asked green to pretend to be her boyfriend for like. a day or two just so he’d leave her alone. 

OFC GREENS LIKE SMIRKING THE WHOLE TIME SHES ASKING HIM THIS AND SHES BLUSHING AND EMBARRASSED BUT SHES TRIED EVERYTHING ELSE. 

greens actually a little irritated by this and is kinda ehh at first because. he doesnt wanna fool around and then actually catch feelings by accident (he doesn’t want to temp god like this hes already enjoying their time together) 

but shes. desperate and so after a few more pleads he.,. agrees and she kind of feels bad. so she apologizes for dragging him into this and then. she asks him “Can…can you handle it?” she didn’t mean it as an insult or anything she MEANT ARE YOU COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO DO IT

but what HE HEARD was a CHALLENGE so he just. stops. and turns to her. and he grabs her by her waist and pulls her REAL close to him and leans in and just “Can you?” with the widest smirk and like. the sexiest voice. and she just becomes this blushing terrible mess and shes stammering over all her words and he just fokijnff laughs because god. this is gonna be fun. 

fhjkf this is horrible okay so. the next day at school ofc hes true to his word so here we go. they pretend like theyre going out. and its the biggest scoop of the whole place. girls are crying, teachers are shocked. in the distance, sirens.

green is a pro at this bc he teases her enough as is, now he just needs to take it a little further and he’s actually enjoying the reactions he’s getting from her. like he can fuckin gently grab her hand and she turns into a mess like why did i ask him to do this i am an idiot

when they get home that night green is just laughing his ass off because she., is terrible at this and he cant believe it. she makes up some excuse and after some banter and making fun of her, green tells her that if she really wants this to look convincing, she gotta get better control over it. hes smirking the whole time. so she gets even more flustered and asks if he has any great ideas, to which he replies yes.

lets practice, he says. and she if confused and honestly a little scared. she asks how and he actually. sighs and sits down in front of her and for once, is actually smiling instead of smirking. so he adds a “Don’t freak out.” before,. gently taking her hands in his. 

shes trembling and takes a deep breath before lacing her fingers with his and this. actually turns into a nice kind of moment. the whole time hes watching her eyes. and he can see shes still nervous so he tells her. “How about we pretend like… we’re actually together for a while.” 

and shes blushing like hell because oh my god shes liked him for so long and this is so nice with him but it actually hurts a little that its not real

so he,. slips his hands around her waist and pulls close and presses her against him and slowly nuzzles his nose in her hair 

and hes. actually kind of enjoying this. 

and this feeling boils in the pit of his stomach as his lungs fill with the scent of her hair and it sends shivers over his skin and he feels his hands tracing over the small of her back and the warmth of her body on his and through the foggy blurry haziness in his head the only thought that comes out is ‘Oh no.’

and then BAM one of their caretakers slams the door open with a “Hey kids, dinner is ready!” and green IMMEDATLY grabs her arms and pushes her away and his face his red. She responds with a shocked quiet “Oh, I hope I wasn’t inturrupting-” 

and they BOTH CUT HER OFF STAMMERING AND STUTTERING WITH “No it wasn’t what it looks like-!” “We were just- uh- practicing-!” “FOR THE SCHOOL DRAMA COMING UP-” “YEAH-” and shes just. giggling and a little surprised with an “Oh! Could’ve fooled me!” before she leaves. 

and green and leaf are just standing there in awkward silence and leaf is rubbing her arm while green is rubbing the back of his neck and she leaves with a brisk “I-I think we should go get dinner-” before they both go downstairs

the next day it turns out that rich creep was too heartbroken from seeing her with green the day before that he transfered schools entirely, so oh, I guess we don’t need to keep up the act anymore, and green answers with a yeah, cool, and ignores the small feelings of disapointment and covers it up by going back to his usual snarky self 

he forces himself not to think about this for a long time because he doesnt wanna get caught up in the feels. Leaf, however, thinks about it all the time because it was really nice, but green doesnt bring it up and they were just pretending anyway hes just used to being a flirt it wasnt a big deal for him

(it was)

that was the first time theyd ever been that close and also. the last time until saffron

they have a lot of adventures here that i cant. fit it all here but they had a really good time

[mercenarypark]

medic hcs

Em made a big hc post for heavy a few days ago [here] and ive been meaning 2 finally do the same w/ medic bcause im gay

note: while i try to be brief about the details, this post is about a gay jewish man in Germany during wwii. to set aside any initial worries, no, he is never kept in the camps- as a jewish person myself it sickens me deep in my stomach to even think of that possibility. but there’s still mentions of n/zism and antisemitism, as one would expect.

also, a fair amount of the details of my medic hcs for his childhood are based on the german side of my family, primarily my grandfather and his father. while i still only know a little about my family history[tm], details like medic’s last name, how his family were able to lay low, etc, are based on the little bits and pieces ive heard from my grandmother #antisemitism #nazism #homophobia #transphobia #satanism #long post #text heavy #tf2 #gore text #medical abuse #malpractice #experimentation mention 

-Medic was born roughly around 1925- he’s in his early 40s around when the game takes place- to the name [redacted] Reichstein. the Reichsteins were reviled in their little town as mad doctors, which was at least somewhat true- they certainly weren’t shy to experimentation on body parts and [willing] subjects. but a good part of the hatred for them stemmed from Good Old Antisemitism, focusing their hate on the fact that they were an openly jewish family and saying that that must be influencing their occasionally morally dubious behavior

-for the longest time, though, people tolerated them- they were the only doctors around, after all. but as time went on, the disgusted glances turned to hate speech, turned to violent threats, and eventually, to violent actions.

-medic’s father, who had long since been debating on moving, finally packed the family up[against his wife’s wishes], and within a night, their home and lab were deserted.

-his father could tell that something terrible was coming. he brought down an ultimatum- they would have to abandon everything jewish about themselves in order to survive. medic was young, still, and didn’t fully understand the severity of why his father seemed so adamant that they never mention holidays they once celebrated, why their old family photos were torn and burned, why his mother was constantly reprimanded when her Yiddish roots showed through her accent

-medic’s father pulled a few favors, and before they moved into a new city, the family name was changed to Reich- a more acceptable, more German name. Reichstein could raise eyebrows, lead to questioning about jewish roots, but there have always been many Reichs in Germany.

-that’s also when Medic got his birthname changed to Ludwig, and he and his mother had to fight like hell for that. his father argued that the last thing they needed was another target on their back- if anyone found out that his son “wasn’t really a boy”, then that would bring the entire family under scrutiny and into danger.

-ludwig refused to take no for an answer. ludwig had always been someone who would rather die than pretend that he’s something he’s not, and this was one of the first signs of that. while he didnt fully understand his connection to judaism, yet, and thus didnt fight to keep it at the time; he DID understand that he wasn’t a girl, and by God did he refuse to pretend otherwise.

-eventually his father relented, though he never once forgot and throughout medic’s childhood, he would bring up how risky it was, how medic was potentially endangering them all.

-to clarify: his father DID technically accept his son being transgender, but he wanted him to repress it, ignore it, force it down and never bring it up, much like their jewish heritage. ludwig refused, and his father never liked that. [when ludwig grew older and became both openly gay AND became a practicing jew again, his father nearly had a fucking heart attack]

-ludwig was heavily isolated for most of his childhood after they moved, partially due to the war’s beginning, partially because his father was afraid of his son giving something away. he was homeschooled by his mother, and rarely left the house, instead spending most of his time playing with the family’s cockatoo, or in his father’s operating room, learning human anatomy

-this isolation[alongside his autism, and veritable cocktail of mental illnesses] helped contribute to medic’s general inability to understand how to interact with people- he is oblivious at the best of times, has no concept of personal space, rarely catches social cues, and has Awful attachment issues. he is overly affectionate with anyone he is even vaguely friendly with, he tends to ramble and talk about uncomfortably personal things without realizing its a bad thing, etc, etc, he is a mess and a half

-he does understand bits and pieces- for example, if he’s physically affectionate with someone, they tend to tense up, and try to get away from him, which means he’s doing something wrong. the problem is that he doesnt understand WHAT he’s doing wrong, or why it’s wrong[answer: he’s covered in blood and bird shit and holding at least one[1] human liver]

-speaking of physical affection, the first time engineer affectionately puts a hand on medic’s shoulder medic fucking freaks out because aside from his parents, NO ONE. no one has ever initiated Friendly Physical Contact with him. usually because theyre freaked out by him in some way. he has no idea how to cope with the fact that someone might actually think of him in a friendly manner to the point of expressing that physically [aside from sexually, which is a whole other story and a half]

-but im getting ahead of myself. the first time ludwig killed a man was when he was 17. a nazi soldier paid an unexpected visit to the Reichs. ludwig, scared for his family’s sake and overwhelmed with a boiling hatred for nazis that had simmered for all of his childhood, killed the man

-his father reacted violently, ranting that now they were doomed, but his mother helped ludwig destroy the body and evidence. by the grace of God, no other nazi followed up that visit- the soldier hadn’t told anyone where he was going, and there had been no witnesses to his visit. and germany was so chaotic at the time, that eventually the man's death was attributed to a previously unnoticed casualty in battle

-that was the first man ludwig killed, and also the first of many, many nazis. he spent a good stretch of his adult life hunting down nazis who had gone under the radar, trying to hide their past ties while still keeping the same disgusting views.

-as ive mentioned, in medical school, ludwig not only became openly gay, but returned to his jewish roots. no longer under his father's roof, and now that the war was over, medic saw no reason to hide aspects of himself any longer. and God help everyone who felt otherwise. especially once the most violently hateful dissenters, began to mysteriously disappear.

-throughout his adult life medic has had Multiple short term, non-serious relationships [including more than his fair share of one night stands], and maybe two serious relationships prior to heavy. neither of those ended well, citing ludwigs mental Fuckery as a big issue. speaking of, his mental fuckery has helped him get into at least a couple abusive relationships, which i wont detail beyond "he survived and healed".

-while he is Jewish, he is the kind of jew who criticizes god every step of the way. at least part of this is due to having to survive during the Shoah.

-the Shoah definitely fucked his mind up. the constant fear for his parents and himself, and the burning hatred for the nazis and everyone who agreed with them or stood back and let them take over, and just overall a horrible sense of helplessness, definitely contributed to a lot of his future mental fuckery, and to his feelings about God. as an adult, and as a doctor, he took the feeling of helplessness he had as a teenager, and flipped it around dramatically- if god didnt help him then, he’d have to become better than god. he would bring retribution where others didnt, and bring power and life to those god would not help.

-he sold his soul to satan sometime around his mid-30s. [this is a sentence that sounds really fucking weird if u dont know much about tf2.] there are a few reasons behind that, but im only gonna talk about one:

-as i've said, medic spent a lot of time murdering nazis who had tried to go into hiding. that's difficult when theyre trying very, very hard to cover up their past. medic struck a deal with satan- in exchange for the names, aliases, and locations of ex-nazis in hiding, he would kill them and send them straight to hell. his soul was just to sweeten the deal.

-ludwig does a Lot of experiments on captured and dead nazis, especially the painful ones. the ol' "removing a patient's skeleton" story was of a nazi officer medic had caught, and medical licence or not, ludwig would do it again in an instant

-medic's flock of homing pigeons, stolen from a wedding van, are like family to him. the original, stolen generation had more pretentious names, as named by their previous owner- mostly well known scientists and philosophers[Archimedes, Newton, Nietzsche, etc]. most of the pigeons he named himself have biblical, jewish names [Mordecai, Elijah, Rebecca, etc]

-ludwig is absolutely never prim, proper, or orderly. if he is wearing a coat that DOESNT have blood and bird shit on it, wait 5 minutes and check again

-he has a tendency to hyperfocus on something and forget things like "humans need food and water to live". heavy usually helps him remember

-medic snores. loudly. and it sounds fucking awful. heavy is, sadly, a very light sleeper. it takes a loooong time for him to finally be able to sleep through medic's snoring, and it winds up being one of the only things he actually CAN sleep through. god help you if you step on a creaky board halfway down the hall, though, because heavy will wake up in an Instant

-if tf2 were in modern times, ludwig's music taste would include a Lot of kesha, klezmer music, black metal, and so on. its varied, is what im saying

-medic, pyro, and soldier all get along surprisingly well together, because they all have a case of "same brain? same brain!", all of them have issues dealing with other people and have problems with processing/understanding things, have trouble w/ psychotic episodes and the like, overall their minds are all wired oddly but somehow they can understand /each other/

-scout accidentally becomes medic's unofficial adopted daughter and thats a whole post and a half on its own. suffice to say medic would do anything for her

-engie, demo, and medic are all Science Gays

-medic also does his best to help demo with his Absolutely Massive Amounts of Trauma and Self Loathing, by at least being a supportive shoulder to lean on when demo tries to drink himself unconscious to forget it all. hes absolutely terrible most of the time at actually saying anything to help, but he can be a good presence, and he has birds. birds help anything

-he has a very casual fling going with spy, since early on in their time at the base. its usually in a state of "on-again off-again", with the latter usually having something to do with how spy acts with scout.

-obviously theres a lot i could say about heavy and medic's relationship, but to put it briefly- theres a loooong time where both of them are "i dont understand social interaction" gays.

-medic is the "i literally dont understand how to act around people im attracted to or that me being extremely overaffectionate around you is due to the fact that im falling in love with you, i dont catch your vague hints towards the fact that you feel the same about me because you literally need to hit me over the head with something in order to get me to catch onto it" gay

-heavy is the "i have spent so many years repressing so much of myself and keeping quiet and not drawing attention to myself, that i physically cannot bring myself to be up front about the fact that im attracted to you. im also afraid of misintepreting signals and i am instead going to assume your over-affectionate attitude is platonic and i am misreading things" gay

-eventually they figure things out and its good and soft and gay

ok its 3 AM and ive been writing on this for at least an hour and a half and i told Em i would go to bed by now dhgfkhhj