Embracing Yourself
word count: 4,500
pairing: bucky x gn!reader (established relationship) / steve rogers x reader (platonic)
cw: hurt/comfort, mild swearing
summary: After getting braces, you find it hard to be yourself. Smiling and laughing doesn't feel like it used to. But Bucky and Steve are there to help you find a little bit of joy.
author's note: this prompt was so easy and fun to write! thank you to @writer-of-things26 for the original prompt! I hope this brings you a bit of comfort. and thanks to the sweet anon who asked for some raspberries! hope you enjoy!
*side note* I’ve never had braces, so excuse any inconsistencies! I did a bit of research but still might have gotten a few things wrong!
“When is your appointment, doll?” Bucky asked as he sat a plate of breakfast down in front of you. You smiled at him and puckered your lips, prompting him to give you a kiss. He did so without any hesitation, then gave you an extra peck onto your forehead.
“It’s at 11, so I have to leave soon,” You answered before taking a bite of Bucky’s famous eggs. To stop yourself from moaning in delight, you sipped on your coffee, watching your boyfriend intently as he made his own breakfast.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you? I can take the day. Steve won’t mind,” He said. You let a breathy laugh come through your nose.
“Buck, it’s a simple dentist appointment. I can handle myself, you know.”
Bucky plated his food and sat down at the table next to you, reaching for your hand to grab it in his own. “I know. Maybe I’m projecting my fear onto you. I hate the dentist.”
“Well, I’ll go with you next time, then,” You giggled. “I can’t have my man being scared!”
Bucky rolled his eyes, letting go of your hand to dig into your side briefly. “The lethal Winter Soldier doesn’t appreciate that sort of cheek.”
Arching away from him, you laughed, “Yeah, well, I don’t see him around. I only see the lovely Bucky Barnes.” You stood from the kitchen table and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Go train with Steve. I’ll be back before you know it.”
“Promise?”
You set your plate into the sink and turned to look at your boyfriend. “Promise,” you smiled.
The appointment was more than just a cleaning. You were finally getting a consult on your Invisalign to help straighten your teeth. You had always been confident; in the way you dressed, the way you held yourself, a few facial features. Though, the one thing you’d been insecure about your entire life was your smile.
Your teeth weren’t abnormally crooked, but they were just crooked enough to stop you from showing them if you were consciously thinking about it. Most of the time, the thought didn’t cross your mind, so you would smile and laugh just as anyone would. But on the off day that you did think about it, well, it was hard to pull you out of that mindset.
Your warm smiles turned into small grins or even no grins at all. Your vibrant laugh morphed into a breathy one, where all you did was turn up the corner of your mouth and let a puff of air shoot through your nose.
Bucky had expressed on multiple occasions that he adored your smile, that it was one of his favorite things about you, but no matter how much you wanted to take those words and root them in your psyche, you couldn’t. Your teeth would always be your number one insecurity.
As you got dressed, on the drive over, sitting in the lobby, and settling yourself into the dental chair—you were shaking. Maybe you should have taken Bucky up on his offer to come with you.
No. You wanted it to be a surprise. He’d love you either way, Invisalign or no Invisalign, but Bucky loved to see you happy. He loved to see you get exactly what you wanted.
“Hi!” A young, blonde woman greeted you as she waltzed into the room. “I’m Dr. Sherwood. I’ll be your consultant for the day.”
“Hi,” You replied, smiling politely and shaking her hand. “Thank you for taking the time to see me.”
“Of course! I hear you’re interested in Invisalign?”
“Yeah, uh, my teeth have been crooked for too long, so I’m hoping to fix it,” You laughed nervously, shrugging. Dr. Sherwood smiled and nodded.
“That’s completely understandable. I hear that from a lot of patients. Let’s just get some x-rays of your teeth so we can get started, alright?” She looked to you for confirmation. You agreed with a slight nod of your head and leaned back into the chair.
The doctor was silent for the duration of the x-rays, looking them over and analyzing them thoroughly. The clicks of the computer mouse and the wheels of her rolling chair were almost deafening as she slid back and forth between you and the computer.
“Okay, so,” She began, swiveling around to face you. “I have some good news and bad news.” In an instant, all of the color drained from your face. Dr. Sherwood cleared her throat before continuing on. “The bad news is that I cannot fit you with Invisalign at the moment. Before we can do that step, you’ll need braces. The good news is that you won’t need them for too long. 6 months to a year at most.”
The doctor must have seen how close you were to crying because she placed a hand on your forearm and gave you a firm look. “It’s not the end of the world. Plus, if you don’t want them, you don’t have to get them. However, the only way you can be fitted with Invisalign going forward is if you get the braces.”
Letting out a shaky breath, your head fell back against the chair. How important was straight teeth to you? Important enough to want Invisalign, but probably not enough to get braces. Many of your friends and family had braces growing up. Key word: growing up. You were an adult well into your 20s and not once have you seen an adult with braces.
You cursed yourself for not begging your parents to get your teeth fixed in your teen years, now having to struggle between living with your insecurity forever or living with an even bigger insecurity for a year.
“There’s really no other option?” You double checked. Dr. Sherwood smiled sympathetically, almost pitifully, and shook her head.
“I’m afraid not. I can give you some time to make a decision if you’d like. We can set up another appointment for next week.”
“No,” You said almost too quickly. You shut your eyes and sighed in defeat. “Only a year?”
“That’s worst-case scenario. I think we can get you out of them before the new year,” Dr. Sherwood assured you. “Then we can switch you over to Invisalign until your teeth are exactly the way you want them.”
Less than a year. You could do this.
“Sure, let’s do it.”
An hour or two later, after looking in the mirror, you realized you most definitely couldn’t do this. But there was no going back. Bulky metal surrounded your teeth. Pain. A sting of pain settled into your jaw as you tried opening and closing your mouth.
You thanked the doctor after she’d told you the products you’d need to take care of your new asset, then headed out to the reception desk, handling your co-pay without a word. It hurt to talk anyway. All you could muster at the moment were a few hums and nods.
The inner battle you were fighting—between crying to Bucky or never showing your face again—was distracting as you drove home. You told him you’d come to the compound after your appointment, but the only thing worse than Bucky seeing your braces was all of his friends seeing your braces, too.
So, for now, you’d go back home and get all your emotions out. Mourn the loss of your brace-less face.
Crying silently, you entered your small New York City apartment, immediately staring into the full-length mirror that stood next to the door. Your cheeks were a bit inflamed; not as bad as when you had gotten your wisdom teeth taken out, but still noticeable. You begrudgingly “smiled” to see the metal, wincing slightly as you moved your mouth.
You hated this. This was not what you wanted.
Sure, it would eventually get you to where you needed to be, but the thought of living with braces for the rest of the year made you completely uneasy.
Feeling nauseous from the crying and the pain, you chugged over to your soft brown couch, gently laying down and taking deep breaths to center yourself.
You hadn’t known when you fell asleep nor did you know how long you’d slept when you heard the familiar sound of keys jangling at your front door. You groaned, pulling the throw pillow from behind your head to cover your face.
“Doll?” Bucky called out once he shut the door. “I’m home!” You heard his footsteps walk into the kitchen, throwing his wallet and keys into the bowl on the island. “Where are you?”
Sighing, you raised your hand in the air. “Over here,” You mumbled from under the pillow. Those same footsteps got louder as he came to meet you over on the couch.
“Did you take a nap?” He chuckled in amusement. You nodded. “How did your dentist appointment go?”
Ah. The dreaded question. “Terrible,” Your voice broke—unwillingly—and your pressed your palms harder against the throw pillow to keep it smushed against your face. Bucky’s fingers found your forearm, rubbing it gently, and that touch of his was all you needed to break.
You let out a broken sob, shifting your arm so that your hand could find his, then squeezed it as tight as you could.
“What’s wrong, doll? Tell me what happened.”
Your other hand pushed the pillow away, your eyes squinting as the light hit them. Another cry ripped through your chest and your covered your mouth in embarrassment. “I went to the d-dentist to get Invisalign to help straighten my teeth and I didn’t t-tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise, but the doctor said that I c-couldn’t get it without having braces first and now I have braces and I feel s-so ugly and I hate them.”
You caught how Bucky’s head seemed to spin at how fast that run-on sentence had escaped from your mouth, so you reluctantly removed your hand. “I hate them.”
His reaction was instant. His eyes widened and his free hand found your cheek, but you pushed it away fervidly. “Hey, hey…” Bucky lightly grabbed at your wrist. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not, Bucky!” You yelled through your tears. More at yourself than at him, which you knew that he knew. “I- I’m so ugly and they’re distracting and unattractive and I should h-have just said no and dealt with my stupid crooked teeth.”
“Sweetheart,” Bucky drawled out, making his way around the couch and lifting your legs to take the spot where they resided, setting them back down onto his lap. “They are not ugly. You are not ugly. Never have been, never will be.”
“Y-you’re just saying that.”
“I’m not,” he whispered. His hand found your thigh, rubbing it gently as to comfort you. “You’re so beautiful, doll, with or without the braces.”
“But Bucky… I- they’re…”
“They’re wonderful. They’re getting you one step closer to where you wanted to be. I just hope you know that you didn’t have to straighten your teeth at all. I loved them before, too,” Bucky said. “Sit up for me?”
It wasn’t so much of an order as it was a question. Bucky was asking you rather than telling you. He was giving you the chance to say no. But one look into those irresistible blue eyes of his and you’d comply.
Sniffling a bit, you pushed yourself upright, suddenly face to face with the super soldier. His look was empathetic, still with a hint of pity, but it was sincere, nonetheless.
“You are so beautiful,” Bucky hesitantly brought his hand back up to your cheek and this time you let him; his touch sending shivers down your spine. “One of the most beautiful people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Braces or not, that’s not going to change.”
You nuzzled into his palm as a fresh bout of tears began streaming down your face. “I just don’t feel like me anymore.”
Bucky wiped away a few stray tears off your cheeks, smiling at you sadly. “You probably won’t for a while. It’s a new change that you weren’t prepared for, but it doesn’t change how I see you.”
Leaning forward, he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, then your cheek, then with a glance into your eyes to ask for consent, he placed the tiniest peck onto your lips. You couldn’t bring yourself to kiss him back, even though you wanted to. Bucky seemed to catch on to that fact, drawing back and instead, running the pad of his thumb over your mouth.
He wasn’t hurt. His ego wasn’t bruised. He knew you’d need time. Time to process, time to accept, time to heal. And for you, he’d wait.
Over the course of a month or two, you’d stopped feeling so self-conscious about your braces. You’d kiss Bucky the way you used to, though it was hard to get used to the feeling of the metal scraping against the inside of your mouth.
It was still tough for Bucky to get you to laugh normally. Every once in a while, he’d say something funny and you’d immediately fall into giggles, but once your brain caught up with your reaction, you’d cover your mouth or just stop laughing all together.
Bucky missed your laugh. God, he missed it more than words could say, but he knew the wound was still fresh. You’d come around in time.
But as time went on, you only seemed to become more insecure about your smile. It broke Bucky’s heart to see you so upset about something he loved dearly. He needed to do something—something to help you see how truly wonderful your smile and laugh is.
He didn’t have to wait long. The scenario set itself up perfectly two days later, and he didn’t even have to do the work.
You’d just come back from your orthodontist, checking to see if everything was on track, when you’d settled yourself in between Bucky and Steve on the three-seater couch.
You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest and leaning your head back against the cushions.
“What’s up, doll?” Bucky asked, squeezing your thigh comfortingly.
“I have to keep these godforsaken braces on until January,” you complained, bringing your hand up to place your thumb and middle finger onto your temples, hoping to massage the stress away.
“Well, that’s good, right? That’s what you were hoping for.”
“Yeah, I guess,” You grumbled. “I just want them gone. I hate them.”
“I know you didn’t ask and I know I’m basically third-wheeling here, but I think you look great with braces,” Steve spoke up, his eyes never leaving his newspaper. You side-eyed him, then turned your head towards Bucky.
“Did you pay him to say that?” You asked, only half-teasing. Bucky snickered in response, shaking his head. You twisted back to Steve and gave him a non-threatening glare. “First of all, you’re right, no one asked, and secondly, what are you even doing in my house?”
These kind of comments between you and Steve were common. Once you started dating Bucky, you found yourself hanging with Steve more often than not since he was your boyfriends best friend. The two of you fell into a playful friendship; teasing each other for the stupidest of things. You’d comment on his age and he’d bite back with how he could snap you like a twig.
It was all in good fun and you loved Steve, just as Bucky did.
“Bucky invited me over so he wouldn’t have to deal with your insufferable attitude alone,” Steve finally folded the newspaper and set it down on the coffee table in front of him. “And forgive me for trying to be nice.”
He punctuated his final word with a harsh squeeze to your knee and your leg kicked out in reaction. What could only be described as a squeak burst from your lips and Bucky, who watched from the sidelines, was struck with an idea.
He hadn’t forgotten how unbearably ticklish you were, but in the months you’d been so down on yourself, he couldn’t bring himself to be as playful as he used to be with you. He wanted to be there for you in comfort and never wanted to push any boundaries you may have had.
But if you were so quick to tease Steve, maybe this was exactly what you needed.
“Steve!” You scolded, swatting at his hand. Steve only grinned and shrugged, looking over at Bucky to see a mischievous expression on his face. You had already gone back to crossing your arms over your chest with your head back against the cushions and your eyes closed, giving the boys the perfect opportunity to plan their attack.
A raise of an eyebrow from Steve, a glance over to you from Bucky. A nod of understanding from Steve, a silent chuckle from Bucky.
Bucky exhaled out exasperatingly, turning his body more towards you, tucking a leg underneath him. “Doll, what do I have to do to get you to agree how adorable you look with braces?”
You let out a laugh, but it was one of disdain. “Ha! That’s funny, Buck.”
“Nothing?” Steve questioned you. With your eyes still shut, you shook your head.
“An enemy could hold me at gunpoint and I still don’t think I’d agree.”
“That’s bold,” the blond super soldier declared, adopting Bucky’s position. “You hear that, Buck?”
“I heard, Steve,” Bucky replied, a smirk evident in his tone of voice. You didn’t like that one bit. Now on your guard, your eyes shot open, looking in between the two men warily. “I think we can get ‘em to agree, though.”
“Definitely.”
Without warning, Steve had grabbed your shoulders at the same time Bucky had grabbed your legs, swiftly twisting you on the couch so that your upper body was laid in Steve’s lap; arms rendered immobile once he’d held on tight.
“Guys!” You yelled, attempting to squirm away. “Guys, no!”
Bucky positioned your legs underneath one of his thighs, which was enough weight to pin you to the sofa completely. “All I’m asking is for you to admit that you’re beautiful with braces.”
“Well, you’re asking too much of mehe!” You anxiously giggled, giving another hard tug at your arms. Steve smiled down at you, holding your wrists against his stomach.
“Sounds like they’re egging you on, Bucky. You gonna let that slide?” Steve glanced up at his friend, who scrunched up his face and shook his head.
“Nah,” Bucky said before lightly pinching at your thighs. You clamped your mouth shut immediately, not wanting to give in to their tricks. With a stupidly wide smile on your face, you shook your legs violently to try and deter him off target.
“Buhuck!” You growled through gritted teeth. He squeezed up and down your legs, watching you intently to try and find a spot that would make you crack. You were tough, he had to admit. When you set your mind to something, it was hard to get you to change it.
Switching techniques to catch you off guard, Bucky began digging into your belly through your soft t-shirt, smiling once you squealed and threw your head back into Steve. Still, your mouth stayed closed as you shook with silent giggles.
“I don’t think it’s working,” Bucky pondered. “Steve, will you give me a hand?”
You gasped, “No!”
“Absolutely!” Steve exclaimed. He put both of your wrists into his left hand so that he could wiggle one single finger into your armpit with the other. That, along with Bucky’s relentlessness, sent you into a proper fit of laughter.
“Dohon’t! Steheve!” You hopelessly yanked on your arms, arching away from that damned finger, but it was useless. It only followed you no matter which way you turned or twisted. “Buhucky! Call ohohoff your guard dohog!”
“Guard dog?” Steve gasped incredulously, narrowing his eyes at you. He clicked his tongue and spidered all 5 fingers into the hollow of your underarm, causing you to arch your back and screech. “You’re just asking for it, now.”
“You know how to get this to stop,” Bucky sang as he mercilessly pinched up and down your sides.
“AHAHA! SCREHEW YOU BOHOHOTH!” You screamed. Once the words came from your mouth, even you knew they were a lie. This was almost refreshing, laughing like this. It was like those muscles that were only used for belly laughter like this were cogging and working for the first time in forever.
It was part of the reason why you hadn’t given the boys what they wanted. If you really wanted it to stop, all you’d have to do was admit the one singular fact whether you believed it or not. You needed this, and of course, the two men holding you down and tickling you senseless seemed to catch on.
“Wow, Steve, did you hear that?” Bucky asked his friend over the sound of your endless cackling.
“I sure did, Buck.”
“You think I should do it?”
“DOHOHO WHAT?” You interrupted. Steve tweaked your upper ribs a few times in retaliation.
“Shh! We’re trying to talk here!” He hissed playfully, trying his hardest not to smile at your giggly scream to keep the act going. “I think you should,” Steve directed his attention back to Bucky.
Bucky stopped tickling you, which prompted Steve to cease too, letting you have a moment of reprieve. You sucked in gasps of air, a ticklish smile on your face.
“See? There’s that smile I love and missed so much,” Bucky cooed, reaching up to swipe his thumb across your cheek. You rolled your eyes, but neither of the men missed how the smile didn’t waver. “So, can you please just admit that you’re adorable? For me?”
You groaned, giving one last hard tug on your arms. “I don’t deal in ultimatums, Buck. If you’re gonna do it, just do it.”
Bucky grinned smugly, peering up at Steve with that same look on his face. Then, he shrugged, pushing your shirt up to your ribs, but careful not to show anymore skin than you’d want him to. “Hold on tight, Rogers. They’re gonna lose their mind!”
Steve did as told, gripping at your forearms and pinning them to his chest above your head. You eyed your boyfriend with caution as he shifted to lay across your legs, face in line with your belly.
It was then and there that you knew what he was going to do. “Oho no… n-nuh-no, Bucky, dohon’t.”
If even you could hear the way you sounded a little excited, then you were sure the boys could, too. He placed a short kiss right next to your navel, causing your stomach to tense up in anticipation.
“You said I could do it!” Bucky taunted, fluttering his fingers at the waistline of your jeans with a featherlight touch.
Giggling hard, you bit your lip. “I-hi didn’t know yohou were going to do thihis! I take it bahack!”
“Mm-mm, no. No take backs unless you say you’re beautiful.”
“You suck!” You shouted, bucking your hips to get his tickling fingers to stop. “Steve, help me out here!”
Steve chortled and ducked his head to meet your gaze. “You really think I’m going to help you out of this? When I’m actively holding you down?”
“Please?” You batted your eyelashes at him, sporting the tiniest of pouts.
“No,” He replied flatly. “Bucky, you may proceed.”
“WAIT-AHAHA!” You exploded into laughter once Bucky’s lips blew a raspberry onto the side of your stomach right next to your navel. “DOHOHON’T!”
You tried your hardest to twist from underneath him, thrashing around wildly as the vibrating ticklish sensation just wouldn’t stop. Raspberry after raspberry, Bucky was methodical—choosing just the right spots to make you want to crawl out of your skin.
“NONONOHOHO! OKAHAY! MEHERCY, MERCY, MERCYHYHY!” You screeched, jolting one final time before falling limp. Bucky lifted himself up and Steve let go of your arms and you instantly scrambled to pull your shirt down.
Sitting up fully to release your legs, Bucky stared at you with endearment, having missed that beautiful and vibrant laugh of yours. “Well?”
You scoffed in response to that, moving to position yourself the way you were before the soldiers’ completely unwarranted attack. “Fihine, you win. I look good with braces. There, are ya happy, now?”
Bucky’s smiled faltered a little as he reached for your hand. “Doll, I don’t know what I can do to make you believe me, but trust me when I say that you look beautiful with them. You look beautiful without them. Straight teeth, crooked teeth, hell, you could have no teeth for all I care, and you’d still be the prettiest person in the world to me.”
Bucky’s words struck deep into your chest; his tone of voice, the way his eyes began to water, the way he held your hand. There wasn’t a hint of a lie anywhere to be seen. You took in a deep breath, lip quivering, and surged forward to hug him.
“Thank you, Buck,” You whispered into his neck. His arms wrapped around you tight, pressing all his love into you in hopes that you could feel it. And you could. You felt it deep in your core, how much Bucky loved you.
“I am still third-wheeling, but I think you look great, too,” Steve interrupted the intimate moment. You felt Bucky’s laugh rumble through his chest as you sighed in fake exasperation.
“Again, no one asked,” You teased him, letting go of Bucky to glare at him from over your shoulder. Steve sucked on his teeth and looked past you and over to Bucky.
“Can I?” He asked. Bucky raised his hands in the air, shrugging in compliance.
“Go for it.”
In a second flat, Steve latched on to your ribcage, pinching harshly in retaliation for your comment. “I have been nothing but nice to you all day and that’s how you want to treat me?”
“WAHAH! NOHO! OHOKAY, I’M SORRYHY!” You squirmed and arched away, leaning into Bucky, who decided to join in on the fray by lightly scratching at your belly again.
“Steve’s gotta point. You kinda deserve this.”
“Guhuhuys!” You whined through your giggles. They both begrudgingly halted, letting you regain your breath again.
“Gohod…” You covered your face in flustered embarrassment. “You’re the wohorst.”
“You know, I think a thank you would satisfy me,” Steve said while poking at your side. You growled through a giggle and slapped his hand away.
“Thank you, Steve,” You mumbled monotonously. It seemed to pacify the Captain for the time being, by the way he grinned and settled back into the corner of the couch.
You chuckled at his reaction, then leaned into Bucky’s side, a happy sigh escaping your lips.
“I love your smile,” Bucky voiced prior to kissing your temple. Your grin widened and your cheeks prickled with heat. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” You whispered back, a unwilling grin on your face.
Because if Bucky could love you this way, then maybe you could, too. It’d only be a few more months anyway.
You could do this.
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