#invisible string theory goes hard with them

[mirrorball-leclerc]

just realized it took oscar 35 races to get his maiden win and it took charles 34.

[bananami]

bakugo is nothing if not competitive, and his friends know this.

you're all sitting around, playing a game where one person gets a word and lists off clues for the other person to guess.

bakugo is huffing and puffing half way through about how stupid the game is and refusing to play.

"he's just afraid he would lose." denki teases.

"you put the two of us" he points between you and himself, "against any of you losers, and we will demolish you."

"prove it and play then, bakugo," kirishima tries to goad him, "or you'll just end up proving denki right, which would be embarrassing for you," it works.

"the only thing that's gonna be embarrassing is how badly all of you are about to get beat," he sits on the floor next to you and glares at his friends, "start the timer."

you smile in excitement and face him, picking up a few of the cards and waiting for mina to start the timer.

"what you're in charge of because I don't like to do it"

"cook"

"yes. next one." you flip to the next card. "I tell you you have a bad one of these probably daily."

"temper."

"exactly." you flip the card again. "the theory I always reference when I talk about us. invisible."

"string."

"yes!" you read the next card and think of a clue quickly. "body part of yours I'm most obsessed with."

"thighs."

"higher."

"hands."

"got it." as you move to the next card you look at the timer to see plenty of time still left for the two of you to rack up points. "you refuse to let me do this, I say it's because you're a gentleman, you say-"

"drive, and it's because you hit at least one curb every time."

"hey!" you remind yourself to scold him after the game. "I point these out every time we drive past them."

"cows."

"yup! they're so cute." you smile and go to the next card. "I'm really scared of these but I don't like when you kill them because it makes me sad."

"spiders."

"they might've had a family." you frown. "I bought you this for our first anniversary."

"watch." he holds up his arm to show the exact one.

you smile proudly at yourself as you move onto the next card. time is ticking but you still have a few seconds. "you hate them."

"babies."

"singular."

"baby."

"I hate how quick you got that, but yes." next. "you told me this is where you fell in love with me."

"school."

"more specific. think of a place there."

"lunchroom."

"color I think you look best in."

"black."

you hurry as you watch the last bits of the timer begin to run out. "I have a hard time doing this until you get home from work."

"sleep."

"one more, one more! you say you hate them to their faces but then we leave and you admit they're kinda cool."

bakugo grits his teeth as he answers, his competitive streak wins against his stubbornness. "friends."

the timer goes off immediately after he answers and all of your friends give a mix of shocked looks.

denki is the first to break, letting out a high pitched "awwww, bakugo!" before trying to move in for a hug.

bakugo swats at him and glares at the friend group. "soak it up now, I'm never admitting it out loud ever again."

you smush your face against your boyfriend's arm as he gives you a look. "love youuuuuu."

"psh," but you know he means to say it back by the firm squeeze he gives your thigh and the way his weight shifts to lean against you just a bit more.

[a-mel0n]

Okay, so I know we joke about the whole “Invisible String theory” thing a lot for Bucktommy, but this idea just hit me like a fucking train and I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t write it down. So, hear me out:

A Bucktommy “Your Name” AU.

If you don’t know about Your Name (go watch it it’s a good movie), the basic synopsis is that two people keep switching bodies when they fall asleep. The switches are fairly common, but they’re random and not on a set schedule. When they “wake up,” they only have faint impressions of their time in the other person’s body— like it was a dream. To keep track of what the other person does in their body, the pair write small “diary entries” at the end of the day to inform the original owner of the body what happened, and to just talk to the other.

Throughout the film, the two people slowly fall in love with each other before the switches suddenly stop, and all memory of the experience fades, including the memos they wrote each other. All that’s left is the faint impression that they’re searching for something, for someone.

So. Here’s my idea. The switches can start at really any point in their lives, but my idea is that they start switching sometime in Season 6, at least from Buck’s perspective. For Tommy, the switches start when he’s still at the 118.

A crucial part of the swaps is that they’re not only switching places, they’re also switching through time, which prevents the pair from actually meeting, because any attempt to meet someplace would just get fucked over due to the time difference.

They write each other small reminders of things they set up while in the other’s body on the other’s phone or on their body; a small set of rules of things to NOT do while they’re swapped; the occasional back-and-forth; the whole nine yards. Maybe you could have a fun scene of Chimney showing up at the 118 for the first time while Buck is in Tommy’s body and he has to slam his mouth shut everytime he goes to instinctively call him “Chimney” instead of “Howard” or “Howie.”

(Maybe that’s how Chim got his nickname in this universe, a whole bootstrap paradox situation.)

The swaps continue all the way up until Buck gets struck by lightning while in his own body, and that three-minute-eleven-second period where he’s dead is enough to prevent the swaps from ever happening again. Once he wakes up from his coma dream, he’s lost all memory of the swaps, and all the little notes that Tommy wrote on his phone are gone.

Despite that, he can’t help but feel like he’s missing something, or… someone. Someone dear to him, someone he couldn’t have possibly forgotten. And yet, no matter how hard he tries, he can’t remember anything about them.

(Actually… maybe there is a moment where they can talk to each other. While Tommy is passed out due to the gas leak in that mall, Buck is still in his coma dream, and they actually speak face-to-face for the first time. Maybe they promise each other to meet up after they wake up. But, once they do— they’ve forgotten all about the other.)

Tommy continues to live his own life, with this faint feeling that he’s waiting for something. He transfers out of the 118 and over to Harbor in order to satisfy that feeling, and while it does provide some relief, that feeling doesn’t go away. When Howie calls him to help the 118 out with that residential fire, that feeling of “waiting waiting waiting searching” blazes to life again, pulling him towards the ground and the people running around beneath him. It recedes fairly quickly, though, in fact— as he’s flying away from that neighborhood after preforming the water drop.

Buck, on the other hand, is in that post-lightning-strike state. He’s got his super math powers and the newfound appreciation for life, yet the feeling that he’s looking for something (a feeling he’s had all his life, independent of the swaps), has gotten a whole lot stronger and he can’t pinpoint why.

Then the cruise disaster happens, and he has to push those thoughts out of his mind, for Bobby and Athena’s sake. And then… Chimney calls in an old friend for a favor.

(“You and I… haven’t we… haven’t I met you somewhere before?”)

[mvrgaret]

They managed to forget about that little detail. We're just that hard to resist, Em. I'm sure I do have some demonic tendencies, but the good seems to outweigh them. I have that going for myself. I know he's wanted it for ages. Just don't forget that what you want is important too. You don't have to give in to his whims just because you feel obligated to after pushing him back for so long. I know you probably know this too. I just wanted to say it-- to remind you. We can be a little blind at times. It took me a while before I realized I have feelings for Ben. I pushed them away so hard, trying to just pretend like I couldn't stand him to protect myself. Nothing could've prepared me for how deeply I've fallen for him and to think he was there all along. Granted I was kind of seeing his friend at one point and he couldn't stand me. Just goes to show how everything and everyone is all connected. Invisible string theory is what they call it. So to answer your question, Ben has a lot to do with that. Just let me know. I'll Call Vera. I'll call Chanel. What do you need? Let's not forget who organized a birthday party at Versailles. I know a thing or two about going all out. Let me use my nepo baby powers for good.

Suppose the odds were in our favour huh? Or maybe we were never actually in the demon territory — and it was all a form of coping mechanism. Either way, it doesn't help to question it now. Thank you Margaret, you’re so sweet. Yeah I.. I’m still speechless I think. I mean, I know he’s wanted this for so long and I know now, that he’s all I want. But that he would do it so quickly.. no, I could’ve never imagined that. But like, in every way does it make sense, it just feels right. I just, still sometimes struggle with the fact that it took me so long to see what I had right in front of me. But in one way or another, it was meant to be like that and I believe we were meant to find each other again. — Is that so yeah? Does Ben have anything to do with that? But yeah, you’re right. It’s unlike anything.. I don’t want to dwell in the past too much, but it still feels surreal after everything. But god damn I’m so in love with this man, it’s insane. I have not, no. Well, Caroline Herrera made my last one  — so I’m thinking maybe another designer yes. But god damn.. I have to find another wedding dress. What the fuck, this is just feels insane. But yeah I know it’s not long to go. I think if Jeremy could have it his way, it would be next week. However, some weeks are needed at least.

[soobnny]

MASTERLIST (☆ — my personal favorites)

✰ yang jungwon

goodnight n go

⇀ best friends to lovers au, fluff (1.2k words)

yang jungwon did not mean to miss his train, you couldn’t say the same.

the language of flowers ☆

⇀ social media au, fluff (completed)

jungwon’s just every bit in love with the student council president who keeps visiting his flowershop OR in which you find solace in a flowershop, and its owner’s grandson finds solace in you.

begin again (and again and again) ☆

⇀ soulmates au, fluff, angst (2.8k words)

every december 13th, you find yourself at mangwon hangang park with a very heavy heart. you don’t know why. then again, life offers no explanation for its cruelty.

love grows (where jungwon goes) ☆

⇀ classmates to lovers, mutual pining, tooth-aching fluff (4.9k words)

showing affection isn't jungwon's strongest forte, but when he sets eyes on you, it's obvious he has to figure out a way to make you reciprocate his feelings. he’ll take giving you homegrown fruits and vegetables from his garden as a good first step. from then, it’ll be one gift at a time.

wishlist ☆

⇀ best friends to lovers, mutual pining, fluff (7.1k words)

jungwon doesn’t understand why you won’t just tell him what you want for your birthday. clueless and determined to give you the best present, jungwon is left at a crossroad. instead of getting it wrong, he might just… confess?

invisible string theory

⇀ acquaintances to lovers, slice of life, highschool au, fluff (2.6k words)

inspired by the line, “you’ve been hiding in plain sight then appeared”

classmate au | yang jungwon ⇀ headcanons, classmates to lovers, just pure fluff

voicemails yang jungwon leaves while he’s on tour ⇀ established relationship, idol au, fluff, a little angst

✰ park sunghoon

twitch rivals ☆

⇀ social media au, exes to lovers (completed)

nothing is worse than getting paired up with a stranger for twitch rivals 2022, except maybe being matched with your very competitive ex boyfriend park sunghoon.

library hymns ☆

⇀ strangers to lovers, university au, fluff (4.4k words)

sunghoon wants to find out who keeps leaving him a blanket and a bottle of water whenever he’d fall asleep in the library or the “I work in the library and I’m a little concerned for your health bc you never stop studying”

unlikely likelihood of falling in love ☆

⇀ enemies to lovers, fake dating (14.5k words)

march was a strange month. for one, you’d manage to string yourself into fake dating the one person you hated in the campus - park sunghoon

they told me to

⇀ best friends to lovers, drunken confessions (1.7k words)

sunghoon has a lot of things he wants to say to you, and it takes a couple drinks and a messy trip back home to finally say them

[6:02 PM] ⇀ established relationship (0.4k words)

[12:24 AM] ⇀ best friends to lovers (0.8k words)

classmate au | park sunghoon ⇀ headcanons, classmates to lovers, just pure fluff

voicemails park sunghoon leaves you while he’s on tour ⇀ established relationship, idol au, fluff, a little angst

✰ nishimura riki

always japan ☆

⇀ best friends to lovers, eventual timeskip (4.2k words)

the three times nishimura riki was your best friend, and the one time he was something more

after hours ☆

⇀ strangers to lovers, university au, fluff (7.5k words)

when practice gets overwhelmingly exhausting, nishimura riki finds that staying at the field after hours can be such a calming past-time. apparently, you go there when you need to think too. an awkward friendship ensues.

jealousy, jealousy

⇀ established relationship, jealousy au (2.1k words)

nishimura riki is stubborn and hard-headed, yet not even a fight can stop him from making sure no one bothers his girlfriend. who knew jealousy could look so good on riki?

classmate au | nishimura riki ⇀ headcanons, classmates to lovers, just pure fluff

voicemails nishimura riki leaves you while he’s on tour ⇀ established relationship, idol au, fluff, a little angst

✰ kim sunoo

guess who?

⇀ idol au, fluff, smau (completed)

as an idol, you have a myriad of responsibilities. among these are maintaining a good image and pleasing the fans, having a stan twt acc? maybe not so much. not that you and sunoo are admitting to anything. then again, you don’t exactly expect to find each other as fan accs undercover and you equally don’t expect to start catching feelings.

[7:43 PM] ⇀ established relationship (0.6k words)

classmate au | kim sunoo ⇀ headcanons, classmates to lovers, just pure fluff

voicemails kim sunoo leaves you while he’s on tour ⇀ established relationship, idol au, fluff, a little angst

✰ sim jaeyun

pov

⇀ comfort, established relationship, fluff and angst (1.1k words)

one day, you’d love to see yourself from his point of view

three questions (he wished were never answered)

⇀ spider-man au, best friends to lovers, fluff and angst (4.2k words)

jake has always been grateful for a lot of things: his grandparents, the opportunity that he has as spider-man, and so much more he hasn’t fully figured out yet, but he was beginning to or in which three questions are asked and answered

your name

⇀ strangers to lovers, university au, coffee shop au, fluff (5.1k words)

you give a different fake name every time you come into the coffee shop jake works part time in and he just wants to know your real name bc ur cute but here he is scrawling “rainbow dash” into your stupid cup

classmate au | jake ⇀ headcanons, classmates to lovers, just pure fluff

voicemails sim jake leaves you while he’s on tour ⇀ established relationship, idol au, fluff, a little angst

✰ lee heeseung

maybe love can finally stay ☆

⇀ exes to lovers, angst and fluff (2k words)

love retests the waters when you and your ex-boyfriend heeseung finally talk about why you broke up in a beach house reunion after putting your love to a rest four years ago

month of may ☆

⇀ fake dating, unrequited love, best friends to not so lovers, fluff and angst (2.6k words)

you don’t think you’d ever want to go back to the month of may; the month lee heeseung asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend

june blossoms

⇀ fake dating, best friends to lovers, part 2 to month of may (2.0k words)

as the month ends, you wonder what june has on hold for you and heeseung especially with no more need to fake date

practicalities of a snowball fight

⇀ strangers to lovers, fluff, university au (2.2k words)

lee heeseung never backs out of a snowball fight, especially when it’s with a pretty stranger. maybe accidents do lead to beautiful things.

24 hour stream

⇀ established relationship, streamer au (1.1k words)

you think it’s adorable how heeseung seems to be fighting his exhaustion in favor of being with you as you finish your twenty-four hour stream

talk tomorrow

⇀ best friends to lovers, drunken confessions (1.1k words)

your drunk best friend accidentally confesses his feelings for you

[9:56 PM] ⇀ best friends to lovers, trainee!heeseung, comfort (1k words)

classmate au | heeseung ⇀ headcanons, neighbors au, classmates to lovers, just pure fluff

voicemails lee heeseung leaves you while he’s on tour ⇀ established relationship, idol au, fluff, a little angst

✰ park jongseong

when you’re home

⇀ best friends to lovers, comfort, fluff (1.5k words)

after months of traveling and sleeping on empty beds, jay comes home and realizes he’s tired of sleeping alone. and he hopes that, in the time he was gone, you’ve finally realized there is love in the unspoken.

classmate au | park jay ⇀ headcanons, neighbors au, classmates to lovers, just pure fluff

voicemails park jongseong leaves you while he’s on tour ⇀ established relationship, idol au, fluff, a little angst

SERIES (☆ — ot7 fics)

“all of us are dead” series

based on the popular series, “all of us are dead” — trapped students must escape their high school which has become ground zero for a zombie virus outbreak.

little things they do

[olivieblake]

Hi Olivie! I am back with some praise for “The Lovers Grim”!!! I did read this in November but life went crazy (as it always does) so I am just now sending you my praise. (spoilers included). This is a bit long but most of its length just comes from me sending quotes I loved so hopefully if you just skim those it won’t be as long, I’m sorry :( 

I keep telling people that it was a lot sexier than the preceding books in the fairytale collections so that made it super fun overall!!!

Clara and the Devil: What a fun way to start! I love stories where the devil shows up and there’s temptation so I knew I was going to love this one, and I did! I love Clara, I find her super relatable to me. I keep notes in my notes app on my phone as I read your books and I just have written “this is just sexy and everyone is horny” so many times hahah (please take that as a compliment because it is). THE ENDING TOO LIKE 🥵  MY GOD I LOVED IT. Made me want to immediately go jump the WEBTOON, which I did and am obsessed with. The female version of the devil is 🥵 and I definitely have some theories on everything. I’m really liking the bargains with the universe part, I too make bargains with the universe in the hopes it will help me. I read the new update from yesterday too and ahhh so excited to see where everything goes. THE ART OF COURSE IS BEAUTIFUL SENDING MY PRAISE TO LITTLE CHMURA. 

I loved this line from the story “I’d asked him to meet me on the beach in the middle of the night, which were terms the devil readily agreed to. He was very agreeable that way, which I hated, but which I also understood. He was reliably available for my sins.”

Both the “Apple’s a bit much don’t you think” and Devil’s food cake made me laugh hahahaha. I also really liked the line “There is more to being good than simply abstaining from vice.”

Once it Happens: OLIVIE THIS STORY!!! It’s truly a story I always dreamed of wanting and just didn’t know existed so I’m super thankful you wrote it. I also did cry as well as feel a whole range of emotions (which as an emotionally repressed person is some of the highest praise I can give you). I’m a lover of the idea of being in someone’s orbit/fate drawing people together/invisible string/soulmates so this story was exactly what I needed. I consider this (and La Petite Mort obviously which I actually reread in December as a pick me up with the audiobook-also fantastic-and loved it even more the second time around.Thanks for that book❤️) my two matches made in heaven. This story actually explains why I ship certain ships, like nicolibby for example, just because I find this type of dynamic to be a super strong and important connection so it makes it hard to fathom them being with other people (for me specifically). Even the bit where “Once it happens, it can't unhappen. It can't be undone.” made me think of  “we met, so now we can’t detach” type thing. Most of my favorite ships have this type of dynamic so it made me love this story even more. This story is one I still think about 24/7 and it just made me think a lot/it said so much in so little and left such an impact on me. I think I tabbed every paragraph in this one like I loved it and could probably just sit here and write down every one and tell you all my thoughts etc but that would waste so much of your time so I shall refrain. Just know “I LOVE THIS STORY SO FUCKING MUCH” was written in my notes on this one about 100 times. Enjoy a few of my random rambles:

All the different times they could meet/that it happens and THE ICE CREAM SHOP BEING A COMMON THEME. 

“They are children together, opening gifts. They are teenagers, discovering life. They are adults, and sad ones, and when he tilts her chin up for a kiss she breathes something into his mouth he's certain is one word: Finally. He will marry her within a year.” THIS MADE ME CRY

“They live separately and their lives never cross. His children will have her smile and her sense of humor, and neither of them will ever know it.” THEY STILL HAVE THE THREADS OF EACH OTHER IN LIVES THEY DON’T KNOW EACH OTHER (this also made me cry)

The ice cream shop closing 😭😭😭 and then figuring out they grew up in the same town and they think about how they could have met a thousand different ways and didn’t, it’s funny how they came so close and she says she’s glad it finally 

THE ENDING PARAGRAPH I’M CRYING AGAIN

Literally thank you for this story and thank you for just writing all my favorite stories and books, much love❤️❤️❤️

Captain McIver’s Ship of Souls: This one was so funny and I loved seeing Arno just be confused about humans haha but I was so intrigued. My personal favorite thing was that the finfolk crave blood and the multiple blood sucking scenes, I don’t know what that says about me but hey it WORKS for me and made me just so very happy to see. THANK YOU QUEEN. The twist in this one was also super good, I didn’t see it coming. I have decided that Eilif from the TA6 universe is one of Arno’s cousins (it is canon in my heart and that is all that matters <3) Here’s some moments I absolutely loved. 

“Captain,” comes the voice of Eli's first mate. He's the one who was last to jump on Eli's orders, Arno notes, and dislikes him slightly, though without any particular reason.” We love when a love interest hates a person for just not respecting their love interest!!! ONE OF MY FAVS

To Make a Man: So interesting!!! I was trying to guess what type of creatures they both were the whole time and the stakes were super high so it was so hard to put down. Marcelo has some great lines like ugh THIS MAN he was down so bad. The angst in this is god tier. I just love that they each brought a little bit of peace to each other for a time, and in my head they can find their way back together in however many years.

“Lina, Lina, Lina. You are the softness of your skin, the sharpness of your mind. You are the knife-edge of your humor, which doesn't look like humor at first because, on you, joy looks like suspicion. You are the distance you so meticulously keep between us. You are the door, the latch, the key I understand now that I am an invasion; even with my best intentions, you can only trust me the way you'd trust a flood. There's no choosing which parts of me you accept or which parts of you I want. We seep in through each other's cracks, all or nothing” I LOVED THIS LIKE MY GOD I LOVED IT SO MUCH 

“He would have traded euphoria just to keep her, to make her the subject of his tedium. To live a colorless life in the shade of her bones, in the sound of her breath, knowing and eternally recounting the monotony of her details until he grinds himself down to nothing, never learning or experiencing another beautiful thing.” STOPPPP SO GOOD 

“Someday, she thought, she would remember this for all that it was, and for all that it wasn't. She would resurrect this very moment into countless perpetuity and embrace the searing pain of it; suffer the boundless joy. Because it had been real. Every moment of it. Every blessed thread.” PAIN 

Kill the Bachelor: Another dream I didn’t think to have but like two contestants on the Bachelor ditching him and falling in love??? Amazing. The TV script set up was so cool too it really made me feel like I was just watching episodes of the bachelor. All the satire in this was A+. This one also had me laughing a bunch. Anway, men suck and women are always better (but Josh’s crush on Lauren was cute too)

YAY woman in STEM!!!

“Do you ever feel like you're in this crowd of people and nobody really sees you? Like, you're there, but nobody gets you, you know what I mean?" Yes all the time 

KARA (sympathetically)

“A sad day for all Bachelor fans indeed, Craig."

CRAIG (nodding)

"Sure is, Kara! And now, Andrew with the weather."

That made me laugh out loud 

I’ll be sending my praise for YES super soon (hopefully soon at least lol I have condense my thoughts/praise to make it not a novel like I LOVED that book and CecilyPorter have joined the crowd of my beloved ships-they are up there with nicolibby, mayracal, and aldoregan for me and by now I’m sure you know how much I love those other 3-so yeah that probably says everything you need to know but I can’t wait to express more of my love of them to you later haha). I’m currently reading “Grow Your Own Optimist!” and loving it so far! 

-Amanda

hahaha never apologize! I'm so happy you enjoyed the stories and I'm never mad about getting to know which quotes you liked. I agree, "once it happens" is one of my favorite stories. I feel like that one might be the olivie brand in brief summation? just... about love and life and time and fate and also blowjobs and ice cream. anyway

OH I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT CLARA POSTING AGAIN. I can't wait for you guys to see the end of this season. I mean obviously you know by now I'm obsessed with chmura's art but also I'm pretty proud of how the story ends, because I never intended to keep writing in this universe and wasn't sure I could do a sequel that felt the same way, but I think (fingers crossed) I managed it. I'm really excited to show you the finished product!

[princecharmingmendes]

Best Friend's Brother | Raul Mendes

Growing up with your best friend is amazing, having this loving and caring relationship is fantastic, planning your lives together seemed natural, what Y/N didn’t include in her plans was falling in love with Raul Mendes, Peter’s brother.

Hi hi, lovies! I know, I know, I disappeared, but I’m back with a Raul piece! It’s been ages since the last time I posted something and I missed it so much! I had a really hard time writing for the past few weeks and I’m really happy that I was finally able to finish it. So I’m so sorry it took me way too long and thank you so much for being so patient, really 💘 I’ll stop rambling now! I hope you enjoy it!

*Word Count: 8.5k+

*Warnings: a few curse words, drinking, injure (sprained ankle in case this triggering), and I guess that’s it!

*Posted: October 5th, 2020.

                                                     -*-

You could say Y/N was in trouble.

Growing up with someone right beside you will always create that invisible string that’ll keep you two together for, what some say, the rest of your life. It forms a bond so strong you can tell what they’re feeling just by a single look in their eyes and you just know exactly what to do. And if life allows you, you’ll keep them around for a long time and have them around you for every occasion, being it good or bad, but always near you to support you. And thankfully, that were the triplets for her. She met them in High School, Shawn was obsessed with music, Peter was the cute nerd that took amazing pictures and Raul was the typical bad boy and Y/N was a sweet and quiet bookworm. They met when she was asked to tutor Raul and he ended up asking her to meet him at his place, and that’s how she ended up with three best friends and a crush.

She was a bit closer to Peter since they had similar interests in general and also had similar plans on Friday nights, and they’re basically glued to the hip and everyone outside from their little bubble were one hundred percent sure they’re together somehow. And the fact that the three of them (Shawn was too busy touring the world) went to the same college didn’t exactly helped with the rumors. But in reality, the triplet that makes her heart skip a bit, her stomach to do flips and her breath to get caught on her throat was Raul. And if she was honest, how could someone honestly resist him? Girls who didn’t even know him normally wanted him, and Y/N knew him like the back of her hand and knew that behind the bad boy exterior there was the softest and biggest heart on the planet, was almost impossible to resist.

And even though she had all this feelings and felt all warm inside when he playfully winked at her, she never acted on them. Peter obviously knew about it, but she never told anyone else. Hell, she didn’t even tell him, he somehow managed to notice it.

Peter tried encouraging her to talk to him about it or do something about the whole thing, mostly because he was tired of seeing her suffering every single time she saw him with another girl, which wasn’t very uncommon. But she never did. Y/N doesn’t like comparing girls, that’s just mean, because everyone is different, and just because you don’t look like someone doesn’t mean you’re not enough or good at all, just makes you unique, but she can’t help thinking she’s not his ‘type’. Not that she noticed he has a specific body type or something, she’s just not the kind of person who would catch his eye.

It’s just he literally models on the side, goes to med school and has amazing grades, while still going on parties, having hook ups and living his best life while getting tattoos and having fun. While Y/N likes to light up a candle and read a good book on her couch, maybe with Peter while they eat some pizza and discuss from the latest thing that happened on campus to the theory of wormholes. They are close, they are friends, but they are polar opposites.

And the worst part? He acts as if she was the reason the sun rose every single day and treats her as if she’s the reason he’s capable of breathing, but in a “you’re my best friend and I love you like you are family” type of thing, not in a “I am hopelessly in love with you”. He was very touchy and big on pet names, specially when Peter went to sleep and it was just the two of them watching stuff on his living room, but never did anything to lead her into thinking he likes her more than a friend. It’s all her fault for looking too much into it and having her heart broken whenever he had a girl over when she was there (which wasn’t that common since he wasn’t big into having a serious relationship, at least not enough to bring someone to their flat) or when she saw him all heart eyes or making out with someone.

Y/N swears she tried burying those feelings down, even going as far as hanging out less with him and avoiding going to his place, taking way too long to reply to his texts and dodging him everywhere she could like the plague. He wasn’t having it, so he randomly showed up at her dorm room at midnight, looking like an abandoned puppy and begging her to forgive him for whatever he had done that upset her so badly. And that’s when she decided that maybe that wasn’t her greatest idea. That maybe all she needed to do was just to forget those stupid feelings and butterflies that felt like ripping out of her body whenever he smiled at her. Well, that didn’t work either. So, to sum it all up, Y/N was in trouble.

In a big, big, gigantic trouble.

                                                    -*-

So it was a Friday night when Peter called her to crash at his place so they could watch the last season of How to Get Away with Murder while he worked on a project for his class or something like that, and she agreed almost immediately, it’s not like she planned on doing much better. Y/N gathered what she considered to be important in a few seconds cause he told her he was going to pick her up since he was still on campus and ran to the entrance of her building, already seeing his car parked outside. The ride to his place was quiet and consisted on them basically talking about what theories they had for the end of the season since they met for lunch.

“I don’t think Raul’s home yet, his bike wasn’t on his usual parking space” Peter hummed as he opened the door to his apartment.

“Yeah, I didn’t see it either” was all she could answer. And Y/N didn’t know how to feel about it, it’s been a week since she had the chance to talk to him and she missed it,  but at the same time, she wasn’t going to end up a blushing mess around his natural flirty persona.

“Let me just grab my camera and computer, you can drop your stuff on the guest room if you want”

“Okay, don’t start the show without me” she said before starting to walk away and all she could hear was a ‘don’t take too long then’ Peter muttered under his breath.

She giggled to herself from his silliness as she placed her backpack on the bed and took off her shoes, getting rid of her jacket and pulling her hair in a loose ponytail, only grabbing her phone as she got back to meet Peter on the living room, already on the couch with his stuff around him as he let out a frustrated groan.

“What’s wrong, grumpy?”

“Raul’s an idiot, he took the remote to his room since he stepped on his or something like that and he’s too lazy to get his fixed or return the other one to its place”

“But is it in his room?”

“Probably, could you please grab it for me?”

“Wouldn’t he get mad I got into his room without him being around?”

“Oh please, Y/N, Raul mad at you? He’d probably get mad at me for making you go in there to grab it for us”

“It’s not like that”

“Of course it is, Raul could never even look at you slightly pissed, and even if he did, he’d feel guilty”

“If he gets mad I’ll tell him it was your fault”

“He won’t, honey, he’s not even home yet”

“Fine” she ended up giving up, arguing with Peter was always pointless.

So Y/N turned around and headed for Raul’s room, knocking tentatively and without response, she just got in and tried to find the control without looking at his stuff for too long, she didn’t want to be nosy. Since she was busy with the task of finding it, she didn’t notice the soft sounds coming from the bathroom or the gentle click of the door when someone opened it. Her attention was finally brought the other side of the room, when she hear someone clearing their throat. Her eyes widened as she looked up only to find Raul standing across from her, with his hair damp and naked apart from the fluffy towel hanging low on his hips.

He had a little smirk on his lips and a funny expression, but that didn’t stop from almost giving Y/N a heart attack. She started mumbling a string of apologies as she covered eyes with both hands, walking backward until she hit her head on a shelf and tripped over something, falling right on her butt.

“Ouch!” she said reaching one of her hands on the back of her head to try and relive some of the throbbing, still covering her eyes “I’m so so so incredibly sorry, I didn’t mean to simply walk in here, but we thought you weren’t home, and I knocked, and Peter told me to come in here to grab the remote, and said you wouldn’t mind, and...”

“Hey, no, it’s okay” Raul said hurriedly, walking towards her a crouching down in front of her, lightly wrapping his fingers around her wrists “Y/N, it’s okay, look at me, love”

And with the gentle tug on her hands she decided to let go, opening her eyes to be met with his honey orbs “I’m so so sorry, I really didn’t mean to invade your privacy, if I knew you’d be here I wouldn’t- I would never come in, please don’t be mad at me, please”

“Oh, sweetheart, there’s no reason for you to apologize, really, I’m not even naked, or completely naked at least, and even if I was? wouldn’t have minded, yeah?” Raul said gently cupping her face “and I’m not mad at you, how could I ever be mad at you? You’re the sweetest person I know and you didn’t do anything wrong”

“I’m sorry” Y/N mumbled softly and he just chuckled, leaning in and pressing a kiss at the top of her head.

“It’s okay, are you staying the night?”

She nodded “we’re having a marathon, we’re rewatching How to Get Away with Murder”

“Oh, do you mind if I join?”

“You’re not busy?”

“Not at all, but it’s okay if you want to watch just the two of you”

“No, of course not, you can join us if you want”

“Are you ordering food or do you want me to make us something?”

“We didn’t order anything, and I don’t want to bother you with cooking”

“I’d gladly do it, I can make us something quick so it won’t get in the middle of your shows

“I really don’t want to bother you, Raul”

“It’s not a bother, come on, the remote is over there, I’ll change real quick and make us something to eat, and you two can start the show, I’ll meet you guys in the middle, yeah? Sounds good?”

“Sounds amazing”

“Now go, you pervert, I need to change” he said trying to hold back a laugh.

“Oh, sure” she mumbled as she scrambled to get back at her feet.

“Or you can just stay and enjoy the show" Raul threw a wink at her direction as she was already by the door.

Y/N only closed his door a bit harsher than she should, feeling her whole body heating up, she just couldn’t decide if it was of embarrassment or... something else. She shook her head to get rid of the dirty thoughts about her best friend’s brother out of her head and got back to Peter at the leaving room. Seeing he was sitting at the armchair, with all of his stuff around him for him to work comfortably, leaving her the loveseat.

“Oh hey, is Raul at home?!”

“Yeah, he was at the shower, so thank you for putting me in that position”

“Was he mad at you?”

“No”

“Told ya, got the remote?”

“Yeah, by the way, he’s going to make us dinner and join us later”

“Oh, thought he was going out tonight” Peter said opening his computer  “do you want to arrange the show?”

“Don’t you think we should wait for him?”

“Nah, don’t think so”

“Wait for who?” Raul asked coming out of the hallway wearing a pair of sweatpants and thin white T-shirt.

“You, to start the show” Peter answered without looking up from the screen.

“Oh no, go ahead, I’ll make us some food and I’ll bring you guys some, okay?”

“Do you need help?”

“No, it’s okay, sweetheart, it’ll be pretty basic”

Y/N hummed in response as she started the first episode and things were as normal as every Friday she spent watching anything with Peter. Only this time, he was a bit less focused on the show and more on his work, but still was able to make comments about the all the scenes. They would both laugh and joke around a lot more than actually watch anything, specially since this wasn’t the first time they watched this. Almost at the end of the first episode, Raul showed up with plates of a very appetizing looking pasta, placing one in front of Peter and one on Y/N’s lap. He went back into the kitchen and coming back with his own, plopping down beside Y/N.

“This is the first, right?”

“Yeah, the end of it”

“Oh, it’s been a while since the last time I watched it, I don’t think I’ve ever finished it”

“Really?”

“I kind of forgot it, I was watching another one at the time, but I remember liking it a lot”

“Well it’s a great thing we decided to follow the episodes and not just jump into our favorites, and by the way, this is amazing”

“Oh, thanks, it’s really simple actually”

“Don’t even start, you always make the most basic stuff like grilled cheese taste like gourmet food”

“He just likes to be praised” Peter said with a chuckle.

“Fuck off, Peter” Raul chuckled and before he could throw a pillow at him, Y/N grabbed his wrist “hey!”

“His camera is there”

“Oh”

“Thanks, Y/N, but this pasta is actually amazing, I have to give you that”

“Was that too hard?” Raul asked and Peter just shrugged with a laugh.

“Maybe we should focus on the show” Y/N said pressing the next episode before they both decided to start something.

Peter got up after they finished dinner to place everyone’s dishes in the sink, going back to his place and work silently. As they watched the episodes, Peter was getting silent as he focused more on his work and Raul was the one commenting on the episodes and talking to Y/N. Which she didn’t mind at all. He was always pretty funny and manage to make her laugh at the silliest jokes.

Maybe that’s the reason so many people were attracted to him. He had a mysterious vibe going on, since he was pretty close with people in general, but could be a sweetheart with the close ones, he had the looks that had everyone’s head turning, he was funny and intelligent. He’s just so good and she hates to admit that even her fell for his charming smile and golden heart. And when he leaned a bit closer to her as the episodes went by, she hated to admit that her body felt a bit warmer and she was itching to lean into him as well. But what made it worse was him laying his head on her lap as he wrapped himself in a throw blanket, giving her a sheepish smile and turning back to the TV. That had her fingers practically moving to its own accord to tangle on his curls, and she couldn’t help but brush them out of his face. And just as she was about to mumble an apology, he let out a content sigh and leaned into her hand.

After a few moments Peter looked up at them and just chuckled softly, and as Y/N looked up at him he just shook his head and pointed towards Raul “He fell asleep with you playing with his hair, just like a puppy”

“Do you think he’ll mind when he wakes up?” she said barely above a whisper.

“Not at all, he loves you, he can never be upset with you”

“That’s not true”

“It is, ask Shawn or Aaliyah, they’ll agree, he’s got a soft spot only for you”

“Shut it, Peter, we’ve known each other for years, he’s just nice because I’m your best friend”

“That’s not true, but I’ll drop it, I think I might go to bed now”

“Okay, I think I’m going to finish this episode”

“You know you can wake him up, right?”

“I know, I just don’t know if I feel like doing it”

“I can do it for you” Peter offered as he gathered his stuff.

“No, it’s okay, I’m going to finish this episode first”

“Do you want me to roll out the sofa and make it more comfortable for you? You don’t have to move”

“Yes please”

“Okay” he answered as he leaned down to extend the couch into a kind of makeshift bed as carefully as he could to not disturb his brother “call me if you need anything”

“Okay, thanks, Peter” she said smiling at him as he shook his head and leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead.

“Goodnight, dummy”

“Night, Peter”

He grabbed his stuff and threw one last look at her direction, but she was far too distracted with Raul’s curls to have noticed, and he caught a glimpse of his brother slowly opening his eyes, only to close them again and nuzzle closer to Y/N. Peter hold back a laugh as he went back to his room, he would never figure out how the most brilliant people he knew could be so oblivious.

                                                    -*-

Y/N didn’t intend to fall asleep, but the warmth radiating from his body, the soft light coming from the TV and the soft cushions lulled her to sleep without her even noticing. She only noticed she fell asleep when she woke up to rushed whispers in the living room and the soft click of the front door closing.

She was a bit confused, but the strong Raul’s strong scent and the comfortable position she was currently at made it hard for her to come back into consciousness. But as soon as she opened her eyes, Y/N noticed she had her face nuzzled into Raul’s neck, with her body partially on top of him and cuddled close with his arm around her waist. Her immediate  thought was to pretend to be asleep so she could come up with a better plan of getting rid of the embarrassment. But before she could do anything, she heard Raul’s warm chuckle.

“Morning, sweetheart” he said combing his fingers through her hair gently, almost making her melt back into his chest.

“Hi” she said sitting up and knuckling at his eyes softly “I didn’t even notice when I fell asleep”

“Me neither, I was completely drained”

“I’m sorry for -you know, being on top of you”

“Oh, it’s okay, I woke up in the middle of the night and I didn’t feel like waking you up, cause you seemed so peaceful, so I just rearranged us, and I guess we ended up cuddled”

“Yeah” Y/N said brushing her hair out of her face.

“You know I don’t mind, right?”

“Mind what?”

Raul gave her a knowing look and she could feel her face beating up “It happens, sweetheart, and there’s no reason to be ashamed, I slept like a baby with you”

“Oh, I slept well too, is Peter gone already?”

“Yeah, he said something about having to buy something for his camera or something like it”

“He saw us?”

“You make it seem like we were doing something so scandalous, he found it cute actually” he said with a chuckle.

“Oh, okay”

Raul gently grabbed her hand and placed a kiss at the back of it “Relax, darling, hungry?”

“A bit, yeah”

“Want to go and grab breakfast? I can drop you home after if you want”

“That’d be amazing, but only if you’re available”

“Of course I am, I always have time for you, now let’s go, I’m starving”

“Already?”

“I’ve been waiting for you to wake up for a while now”

“Why?!”

“Didn’t want to disturb you, you needed to rest, sweetheart”

“You’re too sweet”

“Only for you” he said throwing a little wink on her direction.

He had no idea how much that affected her.

                                                    -*-

Aaliyah’s birthday was always an amazing event. The triplets always committed to provide her the best birthday they could every single year and they never let her down. It has always been like this since the triplets parties were always nice for the three boys, they felt like they needed to give her the best time possible. She was their little baby after all.

This year was no different.

Her seventeenth birthday party was beautiful and she was literally gleaming, surrounded by her closest friends and family. Raul had a tough week and was feeling a bit off for a few days, there were many reasons to it but he could never ruin his sister’s birthday, so he put on his best smile and went smoothly along with his siblings. He tried his best having fun and forgetting about everything else, but he about half an hour into the party he sat down by the bar and decided just to sit there and drink until he felt lightheaded. Raul just sat there and watched everyone, sometimes having a small talk with anyone who sat down beside him, but mostly, his gaze was constantly searching for Y/N. He didn’t mean to act like a thirteen year old boy with a school crush, he didn’t even mean to keep on searching for her, but she looked so damn adorable he couldn’t help it. She was wearing a beautiful summer dress, in a peachy color that accentuated her gorgeous curves and of a silky kind of material, urging him to run his hands through it. But he knew better, he knew her since they’re kids and he knew he wasn’t what she needed or wanted, or at least, that’s what seemed. So he just stood there, watching from a safe distance and from time to time, but as soon as he started feeling tipsier than he desired, he decided to move away from the bar and take a breath of fresh air.

As soon as he got in the balcony, he let out a sigh of relief as he noticed no one was around, so he would have a least a little bit of peace. He placed both of his hands on the stone railing, feeling his footing not the most balanced one, maybe he had too many drinks for the night and maybe he should go back and grab a bottle of water and something to eat. But before he could actually really think about it, Raul heard a pair of heels clicking behind him, and since no one called him or made a noise to call his attention he just ignored. He felt the person coming closer and he saw on his peripheral the same coloured dress he’d been staring all night. As he turned his face slightly on the person’s direction, he saw Y/N standing beside him, mimicking his position and looking down at the city. Neither of them felt like breaking the silence, so they just enjoyed each other’s company in a comfortable silence. At least until he saw her body shivering from the colder temperature it was outside, which led him to taking out his leather jacket for her and handing it to her.

“It’s okay, I don’t want you to be cold” Y/N mumbled as if not to disturb the peaceful environment.

“I’m okay, sweetheart, but you’re visibly cold”

“Thank you” she said giving him a soft smile that made his whole body warm up as she put on his jacket, wrapping her arms around her own body “but let me know if you need it back”

Raul chuckled “Fine”

“So… Are you going to pretend everything’s okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“Raul, I’ve known you all my life, you don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, you just don’t have to act as if you’re fine around me”

“It’s silly and nothing to worry about, really, you should go and enjoy the party”

“I’m okay here, actually, ’m a bit tired”

“Oh” he said with a nod and looked forward at nothing in particular.

“And I also didn’t want to leave you all alone, and I want you to know that I’m here in case you want to talk”

“Thank you” he said turning to face her and she looked up at him ‘’you’re beautiful, but tonight you look just perfect”

“Oh, thanks” Y/N brushed the hair out of her face “you look gorgeous, as always”

“Yeah, I do, right?” he joked as she giggled, making a smirk appear on his lips.

“Yeah, right” she said looking down at the city.

Raul spoke up after a few moments of silence, regretting almost immediately “I saw you with Mike yesterday”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, you’re leaving the movies at the mall, Peter asked me to buy his new lens and I saw the both of you, was it nice?”

“What?”

“The date”

“Oh, no, it wasn’t like that, he’s actually into Jeff and we go to the same classes since I got in college, he needed to vent and to get distracted, so we went to see a movie”

“Sorry, I had no idea”

“No need to apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong”

And back to the silence. Raul was embarrassed for bringing it up and relieved in a very selfish way she wasn’t going out with him. And he was also afraid he was going to blurt another inappropriate question or comment, the alcohol normally tended to make him lose his filter.

“Was it a shitty week?”

“Huh?” Raul hummed looking back at her.

“Was it a shitty week? That left you like this”

“Yeah, I guess you can say that”

“Is it about the girl you were seeing?”

“Anna? No, we’re not going out anymore, I haven’t even seen her in a while” He answered taking a deep breath “It’s just, sometimes I wish I had someone that understood me, that was there for me, that cared about me besides my family, I don’t know, and I had so much work to do this week was insane, I’m sorry for rambling, I’m just- I don’t even know, I’m sorry”

“Hey, it’s okay, you can ramble as much as you want, sometimes it gets hard, and you should know by now that I’m here for you and that I care for you, yeah?” Y/N said reaching for his hand and squeezing it lightly and he nodded, pulling her into a hug.

“Thank you” he mumbled against her hair as she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

“Now come on, let’s sober you up a bit for the cake, okay?” she said placing her chin on his sternum to look up at him and he nodded chuckling lightly.

“Whatever you want, sweetheart”

“Don’t give me this amount of power, Raul, I might regret it”

“Would never regret it, ’sides, I’m already yours for you to do whatever you want” he said and her heart did a flip, but she only giggled.

“Oh, darling, you have no idea of the mistake you just made” she said grabbing his hand as he slotted their fingers together, letting her drag him back inside.

And to be honest? The party was much better after she showed up to talk to him, specially since she was practically glued to his side making sure he was having a good time.

                                                   -*-

To say Y/N and Raul got closer was an understatement. Since his sister’s birthday, they were hanging out pretty much every single day they could, Peter was involved almost all of the time, but something that didn’t happen before was only Y/N and Raul going out alone just for the sake of hanging out. And even though it was completely new, it felt completely natural as if they’re the closest for years. So, for the past month she felt really connected to him and she also felt her crush multiplying like crazy, which could end up pretty bad, but she couldn’t stop herself from being closer and wanting to be around him. And when Shawn called Raul on FaceTime one night and who picked up was Y/N he was delighted. He was coming home on the next weekend and he suggested they went camping, like they did when they’re younger, renting cabins, bonfire, guitar and marshmallows type of thing.

And of course the triples were instantly excited and planning everything and Y/N was included on the camping trip from the moment she picked up the phone, her wanting or not. Not that she was opposed.

So they rented the cabins, one for Peter and Y/N, one for Shawn, Brian and Raul, and one for Mark, one of the guys’ friend and his girlfriend. Raul took her to the market the night before of the trip to buy supplies and food (mostly snacks, but Raul insisted on buying at least some stuff to make a real meal).ul insisted on buying at least a few things to make a real meal for them “we can’t survive two days with cookies and marshmallows, baby”). He even went to her place to help her pack and offered her to stay the night and his flat with Peter so she could sleep a bit more before they hit the road the next day. She couldn’t deny, specially when Peter was complaining Raul was stealing her from him and that he missed her, and since Raul was pouting and begging while using the silliest pet names he could come up with, and he was pretty creative.

When the time to wake up and get ready to leave, she was awaken by rowdy boys on the hallway, clearly too excited to go camping, just like children as they practically bounced on their feet. The ride was pretty nice, she even took a nap on Shawn’s shoulder as Raul and Peter listened to something on the radio softly and chattered about random stuff. Arriving there brought back that nostalgic feeling of when they’re young and came here twice a month on summer days. They quickly dropped their bags on their respective cabins and went out the explore, going to the lake until it was lunchtime and everyone was starving.

After resting a bit, they decided to go on a hike up the hill to watch the sunset from the top of it. Which was clearly filled with jokes, laughs and a bunch of random pranks they pulled off. If anyone was to tell their age, they’d never say anything over 15 years old. Sarah, the only girl on the group apart from Y/N was pretty nice and was walking side by side with her, laughing at the boys and just talking about everything when Raul came back, face flushed from laughing too hard and grabbing Y/N’s hand.

“I was informed your boyfriend misses you and I’m here to keep miss Y/N company”

“Very well then” she said giggling and throwing Y/N a knowing look and a little wink, walking a bit faster to reach John.

“What?” Y/N asked as she heard Raul laughing “what did you do?”

“Hey! I didn’t do anything”

“Oh really?”

“I did not! Brian did though”

“Oh God, what is it then?”

“He might’ve pushed John into the mud” Raul said sheepishly and Y/N laughed.

“And why do you seem so guilty?”

“Cause I was the one who saw it”

“Of course you did” she said slightly bumping her shoulder into him.

“I wasn’t the one who pushed him though”

“That’s true, but doesn’t make you completely innocent”

“It’s not my fault I pay attention to stuff”

“No, but it is your fault telling Brian you saw it”

“You got me there” he said bumping her shoulder back as he chuckled and she laughed shaking her head.

“Hey, lovebirds, come on, it’s almost staring!” Shawn shouted a few feet away already at the top.

Y/N felt her cheeks heating up and Raul just laughed, walking to where everyone was already waiting for the sunset.

They sat down to watch the process, and since they’re both the last ones to reach the top, they sat down in the end of the semicircle they formed. Y/N leaned her head on his shoulder and he did the same, laying his head on top of hers as they chattered watching the sun to set on the horizon. Y/N’s heart felt a bit warmer being so close to Raul and having such a beautiful view. He grabbed one of her hands and placed it on his lap, carefully playing with her fingers and tracing random patterns at the back of her hand.

“Maybe we should go back before if gets too dark” Peter suggested as everyone got up and grabbed their stuff.

On the way back the guys were trying to make it as an obstacle course, always making fun of every situation as Y/N and Sarah laughed leading the way. At least until Brian called out Y/N when she started roaring with laughter as he fell face first on the mud.

“That’s what I call Karma”

“It’s easy to laugh and not do anything princess, bet I can get to the cabin before you do”

“Well, I was on the tracking team”

“Well, I’m better than you”

“First one to get there is free from all the chores?”

“Deal” Brian said “on three, who’s counting?”

“I am!” John chirped in.

“This is not the greatest ide-” Peter was cut off by John”

“3... 2... 1 and GO!”

That was all it took for both of them to start running down the hill as they laughed, the others hurrying their steps to follow them. The cabins weren’t that far and as soon as Y/N got there, she tripped in one of the firewoods the guys placed there sooner, falling down and feeling the pain crawling up her leg in a burning sensation.

“Fuck, Y/N!” Brian was the first to arrive, kneeling down beside her “are you okay?! Are you hurt?! What the hell?! Who let this shit in here?!”

“It’s okay, I-“ her words got caught in her throat as she tried to move her feet to get up, feeling her eyes welling up with tears from the burning sensation.

“Y/N!” Raul shouted rushing towards her, flopping down beside her “what happened?”

“She tripped on the damn firewood someone left here early”

“It’s not their fault” she let out with her voice a bit strained.

“It doesn’t matter right now, what’s hurting, baby?”

“My foot”

“Which one?”

“Left”

“Can I see it?” he asked and she just nodded, knowing that if she spoke another word her voice would break and she would start crying for real.

“Holy shit, what’s going on?” Shawn was the first to ask.

“She tripped and now she’s hurt”

“Do you need me to get you something?!” Peter was the first to offer.

“Yeah, I brought an aid kit in case something happened, it’s in the car, also, grab me a bottle of water” Raul said almost robotically as he carefully worked on taking her shoe off “it’s swelling, it looks like a sprained ankle, but it doesn’t seem like you feared any ligaments for now”

“Should we go back?” Shawn asked.

“No! Please don’t!” Y/N barely chocked out as Raul looked up at her and she focused on looking at him because it was calming her a bit “I don’t want you guys to miss all the fun due to my clumsiness”

“Honey, we don’t mind, we ca-”

“Please, Shawn, I- no, okay? I want to stay, and it’s dangerous to drive at night” Y/N cut him off, still looking directly at Raul.

“Here!” Peter said coming back with a bag.

“Thanks, I don’t think it’s too bad” Raul finally said “I’ll keep on checking it through the night, if the swelling gets too bad or if there are any signs that she might have tore or stretched a ligament I’ll take her back, is that okay?” he asked and she just nodded, looking down at her lap.

“You should stay with her tonight, I can spend the night with Shawn and Brian if she doesn’t mind” Peter offered.

“I’d appreciate it, do you mind, Y/N?” Raul asked and she nodded “okay, I’ll take her to her cabin so we can have a better look at it and shower, can you guys take care of the bonfire?”

“Sure, do whatever you need to” John said.

“Okay, can I pick you up, sweetheart?” and again she just nodded, so he picked her from the ground bridal style and carried her back to (now) their cabin.

“I’m okay, you don’t have to do this”

“Of course I do, and it’s okay, we need to put some ice on it, where do you want to sit?”

“Not on the bed, I’m probably too dirty to sit there”

“Okay” he replied placing her down on an armchair, with her feet up “wait just a sec” he said before going through the mini fridge to retrieve an icepack “here”

“Thank you”

“It’s okay, sweetheart” Raul said kneeling down beside her on the floor “is it hurting?”

“A bit, it was worse before”

“Okay, good, you can’t put much weight on it, yeah? Or it’ll only get worse” Raul softly grabbed her hand, lightly thumbing at her knuckles “if you need anything, just let me know and I’ll do it for you, yeah?”

“You don’t have to do this, I don’t want to bother you”

“You won’t, don’t worry about it”

“Raul, you’re literally going to have to babysit me, I’m ruining your weekend”

“You’re not ruining my weekend”

“Of course I am, this is what you do every single day, you’re supposed to be free to relax and not take care of people all the time”

“This is different, this is you we’re talking about and I really don’t mind spoiling you and caring you around the whole campsite if it need be, besides, I like doing what I do, so it’s no bother at all, you’re not ruining everything, now try to relax a bit, you don’t need sore muscles to appear too”

“Okay” Y/N squeezed his hand lightly.

“Good, I’m going to grab my stuff and hand Peter his, is it okay?”

“Yeah, sure”

“Be right back” he said placing a kiss to her forehead and leaving.

Y/N reached into her bag to grab a book to pass the time, Raul quickly came in and said we was going to shower so she would be free to do the same when the ice was done. She got so deep into reading it, that she barely noticed when he got out of the shower, only realized he was in the room when she her gentle humming to a song. Looking up from behind her book, only to find Raul with only a towel wrapped around his hips, looking through his duffle bag for something to wear. Y/N really tried to look away quickly, but maybe her brain was too clouded by him to actually make a quick move, and since he was literally standing in front of a mirror he caught her glimpsing at him, causing his famous smirk to appear on his lips as he got back into the bathroom to get dressed.

“Don’t” Y/N warned before he could even say a word when he came out with a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie.

“What?”

“Just don’t, I know you”

“Sweetheart, you don’t have to be shy, you can look, I don’t mind, I actually like it”

Y/N scoffed and threw the pillow that was behind her at him as he laughed “Fuck off, Raul”

“Okay, stinky lady, let’s get you to the bathroom, I got a little plastic chair for you to sit instead of being on your feet”

“Hey! I’m not stinky”

“Oh really? How can you be so sure?”

“Shut up, Raul, I hate you”

“Fine, then you won’t be taken to the bathroom”

“Okay, then I’ll walk!” Y/N said standing up and before she could put her feet to the floor, Raul was swiping her off her feet (quite literally) and she let out a squeak as he chuckled “put me down!”

‘’Nope, you can’t simply walk without a cast or something, so I’ll be your knight and shining armour”

“My saviour” she mumbled rolling her eyes and he laughed, pressing a kiss to her cheek and placing her seated on the little plastic chair for her shower.

“Okay, smelly girl, do you need help with anything?”

“I think I’m good, can you just grab me something to wear?”

“Sure, ma’am”

And with that he left, only to come back with a similar look to his and left her to shower. It wasn’t the easiest event of her life, but she managed it just fine, trying to get out to the door by jumping in only on foot, and as soon she opened the door to the bedroom, Raul was already there by her side with furrowed brows, hands on her waist to steady her and helping her to the bed as he informed her they had a bonfire ready and food as well outside. And they decided to grab some shoes and meet the rest of the group outside, Raul tried wrapping her foot the best he could to imobilize it with what he had there, and he did a pretty great job. So they sat down on the little wood kind of benches already on the ground with everyone, and they started talking about the most random stuff and Brian was trying to convince everyone to tell creepy stories like the movies, which quickly turned into a huge joke cause they couldn’t be serious for a long time. The environment was pretty light and filled with laughs as they ate the burgers Peter was making, Shawn even grabbed the guitar and played some songs, that were quickly ruined by everyone else shouting atop of his voice and messing up the lyrics. As they started to roas the marshmallows and calm down a bit, acting like civilized humans again, Y/N started to feel a bit sleepy.

She was wrapped up in a cozy blanket with Raul, making her just absolutely toasty and comfy, a bit drowsy from the painkillers she took and all the food, feeling just delighted to be surrounded by this people. She loved to be around the triplets, and Brian and John have been around long enough that she was completely used to them and liked them very much. They always made sure she was okay and having fun, the whole Mendes Family if she’s honest, she always felt very welcomed and glad to have them around, specially since she grew up with them. Maybe it was all of that great feeling, associated with the medicine and the that comforting feeling, she felt herself leaning into Raul a bit as Y/N struggled to stay awake, and instead of pushing her softly or saying something about her falling asleep too soon, he wrapped his arm around her welcoming her in his arms as she laid her head on his chest. She heard his warm chuckle as he placed a kiss on the top of her hair.

“Do you want to go to bed?” he asked softly rubbing intricate shapes on her back in a gentle way and she shook her head “let me know whenever you’re ready, yeah?”

She just nodded, nuzzling closer to him and without even noticing, she fell asleep.

                                                      -*-

She woke up what felt only moments later feeling her body moving and when she opened her eyes, she noticed that Raul was placing her on the bed for the night.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you” Raul whispered, pulling the covers up her body.

“It’s okay, I didn’t mean to fall asleep”

“It was a long day, sweetheart, it’s only natural” he said going to grab them each a bottle of water and flopping down beside her and she giggled.

“Thank you”

“For what?”

“For taking care of me and being the sweetest person”

“You don’t have to thank me for anything, you deserve it”

“But I do” Y/N said knuckling at her eye and reaching out for his hand, slotting their fingers together and squeeze it gently “thank you”

Raul smiled and leaned in to place a kiss at her forehead “you’re so beautiful, you know that, right?”

“Stop being silly” she laughed as he feigned an insulted expression.

“I’m not, you’re just the prettiest girl I’ve ever met and I’ve always thought this”

“Oh really? Aren’t you just trying to butter me up?”

“Me? I would never do that!” Raul scoffed and she just chuckled giving him a knowing look “okay, okay, you caught me, I’m just trying to steal your heart”

Y/N gasped “why would you do that to me?”

“Because I want it”

“For what? I’m not an athlete anymore, it’s a poor heart, and I love junk food, you won’t be able to sell it”

“You’re ridiculous, you know?”

“Look, you have to decide if I’m pretty, smelly or ridiculous, can’t be all of them” she said and he laughed.

“You’re impossible”

“Oh great, thanks, can you elaborate?”

“Don’t feel like doing it, no” he said and she rolled her eyes, turning away from him on the bed.

“Fine, then goodnight” Y/N turned off the lamp from her side of the bed and he chuckled, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her back flush against his chest “Hey! I-“

“Do you really want to know?” he said taking a deep sigh and burying his face on her neck.

“Well, if there’s an explanation to it, then yeah, but I was just being dramatic and-“

Raul cut her off trying to gather all the courage possible “There is and I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a while, I was just trying to find the best timing and not ruin our friendship”

“You won’t end our friendship, yeah? You can just tell me” she said trying to turn in his arms but he had a vice grip on her, so she just gave up, interlacing their fingers together.

“We’ve known each other for years now, and even though you are closer to Peter most of the time, I couldn’t help it but want you closer. You’re always the cutest and sweetest little thing, always caring about the people around you and taking care of others, and being this funny smart person that always make the environment better around you, so I felt drawn to you. And for years I pushed it aside cause you’re always shy around me and I thought you just weren’t interested so I never made a move or something, but recently that was proven to be impossible, since that night you spent over and we slept on the couch I’ve been wanting to ask you about it or just do something about it“ Raul slowly loosened the grip on her and she decided to turn around to face him “You’re not impossible, maybe sometimes when you really want something, but what was really impossible was not falling for you, and you don’t have to say anything, I just thought you should know”

And Y/N couldn’t even speak and she wanted to. She was just speechless. The guy she had a crush on for years just told her he liked her, what the hell was she supposed to say?! She truly wanted to shout that she liked him too, that she wanted him too and that she felt like this for years, but the only thing she could do instead of gaping him like a fish was lean forward and press their lips together, and that’s what she did.

Raul was completely shocked at first and didn’t react at all, which made Y/N instantly regret her decision starting to pull back, but before she could completely pull away, Raul cradled her face in his hand and smeared their lips together in a sweet yet passionate kiss, pulling her closer as she wrapped her fingers in his hair, tangling on his curls. Y/N couldn’t believe this was actually real, the only thing that made her understand this wasn’t a dream, was the warmth and butterflies spreading through her body as he swept his tongue on her bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth genlty. Her head was spinning when they finally parted for air without actually leaning away. Raul rested his forehead on hers as they both panted softly, a bright smile spreading on his lips and Y/N just chuckled, making him do the same.

“I’ve had a crush on you for years now, you idiot” she said and he laughed.

“So sweet” he retorted and she laughed.

“But it’s true! I thought I was so obvious!”

“If I knew I wanted me too I would’ve done it sooner” he said before leaning in and pressing another kiss to her lips.

“Well maybe I should’ve said it sooner”

“Well, we can change that now, but I can take you on a date as soon as we get back and your feet is a bit better”

“Or we can just ignore my feet and go!”

“Not a chance, we can hang out at my place or yours and then go out”

“Sounds pretty nice”

“Then it’s settled”

“Oh, we have to deal with Peter”

“Hm, we can deal with him tomorrow, yeah? Really don’t want to think about my brother right now” he said pulling her to his chest and she giggled.

Okay, maybe she wasn’t completely fucked as she thought a month ago.

                                                     -*-

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it!

*xoxo

-🌙

[amateurasstrologer]

BY REQUEST #11 CUSPS

What's the deal with cusps?

Logistics only: it means you were born on or near the transition from one sign to the next.

Seasons change, signs change. Yes, on the 22nd of September it’s nominally Fall, not Summer; around September 24th, we’re out of Virgo and into Libra. But it doesn’t feel like it’s Summer one day and suddenly Fall the next day, and it doesn’t feel like it’s Virgo one day and most definitely Libra the next day. These dates aren’t meant to be rigid, black-and-white boundaries - they all come with a period of transition where you’re getting a little taste of both. Summer is ending and Fall is beginning: the spiders come out, the leave start to change, the days get shorter, but gardens are still growing, the sun is still shining, and activity is still peaking. It’s a transitional period. The same shit goes for the signs - every sign has different dimensions, every degree has a distinct flavor. Cusps are just one of those dimensions - it’s when you’re coming up on a change, and anyone who’s ever experienced a change of any kind knows that shit is a process.

Now: your nature is your nature. If you’re a cusp baby, there’re going to be other things in your chart that support the same information the cusp placement is dishing out. The Sun represents your fuel - it keeps you motivated, it keeps your lights on, it keeps you on your shit, it keeps all this biz pushing. All a Cusp Sun placement means is that you’re getting that sweet sweet jolt of motivation from two places, instead of getting a concentrated dose from one place. Can other planets be on a cusp? Of course.

Listen: being on a cusp is not better than being in the middle of a sign - being in the middle of a sign is not better than being on a cusp. They’re just different. Everyone has different needs, everyone has different placements. Wherever your shit falls, it’s there for a reason and that reason is good, so stop being jealous and relax.

Which degrees are cusp degrees? How close to the edge do I have to be to fulfill my dream of being a cusp baby? Honestly, I don’t know, and I don’t care. Within 3 degrees, within 5 degrees, within 7 degrees? Whatever. You know what you feel to be true about you. It’s different for everyone, roll with it.

Go for Sun, go for Moon, go for any other planet or degree. These are qualities, they don’t change.

PISCES / ARIES The bitch is starting over - you’re not going to find a more intuitive, inner-activity placement than a Pisces / Aries cusp. You add all the “I gotta deal with myself” of Pisces with the “I gotta make a change” of Aries and you get someone who’s ready to tear apart the cycle like it’s scrap paper. Or you’re so self-centered that you can’t get a grip on reality - cycle on, sister.

ARIES / TAURUS The bitch is making it happen - intensity meets practicality in explosive combo of getting shit done. You’re pulling from Aries dank intuition bank and you’re matching it with Taurus’s desire to establish itself and you’re cooking up some seriously self-guided action. Or you’re so scared to fail that you’re living in a basement somewhere - I don’t know, man, it’s your call.

TAURUS / GEMINI The bitch is deconstructing - the transition from Taurus to Gemini has everything to do with understanding your conditioning - knowing your history and figuring out how it’s shaped your character. What’s gotta go, what’s gonna stay, and what’s really you. The potential to understand yourself and effectively utilize your skills is huge. Or you’re justifying some ruthless-ass behavior like it’s your full-time job - crushed it (and also crushed any chance of having healthy relationships).

GEMINI / CANCER The bitch is dealing with her feelings - you have Gemini’s untouchable perspective and Cancer’s self-understanding. Good luck finding a feeling or an experience that you can’t process, not gonna happen. Your identity is deeply felt and flexible - full-on camouflage, espionage, garage (overflowing with old personas). Or you’re acting superficial as shit and the most unaccountable - maybe change that ugly attitude instead?

CANCER / LEO The bitch is a fucking force - dripping energy like a perpetually broken faucet. There’s no turning these babies off, they’re meant to find a way to take their feelings and channel them into productive avenues. Ridiculous creative power. Or you’re just an emotionally underdeveloped hot mess - watch where you step, everyone.

LEO / VIRGO The bitch is also a fucking force but she’s not in your face about it until she is - take Leo’s intensity, cut it with Virgo’s repressed feelings, get an artistic soul. So many feelings, so little ability to communicate them. A never-ending story of ever-improving self-expression. Or you stuff that shit so far down geyser gazers flock from all over to watch you explode on the masses - better find a way to let it out.

VIRGO / LIBRA The bitch is ch-ch-ch-changing - this is an extremely emotional placement. There’s a lot of hidden shit and emotional activity going on here (thanks, Virgo). Better buy some Benadryl because these sweet babies are ready to shed - beliefs, values, identities, whatever - they’re here to nail down the best approach to life (thanks, Libra), and they’re ready to wipe out to figure it out. Or they’re victimizing themselves into a crusty shell of endless confusion and superficiality - nice.

LIBRA / SCORPIO The bitch is seeing how it’s all connected - Relational Queens, Scorpio is seeing the invisible strings that connect us with emotional x-ray vision and Libra is keeping those findings relevant and relatable. There’s no better placement for social and emotional understanding. Or they’re sipping on a crazy, almost disturbing mix of manipulation meets emotional doormat - just say it and stop fucking acting.

SCORPIO / SAG The bitch is looking to mind-meld - no one wants to share more than a bitch on the Scorpio / Sag cusp. Scorpio feelings with Sag sensibilities? Please - all they want is to get wrapped up in that blanket of acceptance so tight they can’t see themselves. Deep feeling, deep thinking, refreshing the missed connections page. Or they’re passive to the point of no return, turned side-stepping responsibility into an Olympic sport - hot.

SAG / CAPRICORN The bitch is dying to make it real - you take Sag’s ideologies and you throw in Capricorn’s reality hard on, and you get someone who is ready to lock that philosophy in and live it. Whatever goals they’ve decided to set, they’re achieving them. Showing you how it’s done every day of the week. Or they chose a whack-ass set of values and they’re locking in some shit ideals, shit relationships, a shit self-image - maybe reflect before you fire up the kiln and burn us all to death?

CAPRICORN / AQUARIUS The bitch is influencing you - socially minded collective guides. With Capricorn’s unadulterated power and Aquarius’s brilliance, these bitches are leading the trends, they’re that perfect blend of real and strange, endearing and influential. They got the goods, literally. Or they’re cynical, hateful-ass bitches with zero awareness of how their presence effects others - get over your inferiority complex and just run this shit.

AQUARIUS / PISCES The bitch is a true visionary - Critical, conceptual thinking meets technical skills meets collective needs meets subjective feeling and understanding. They’re dreaming up effective, creative solutions to societal problems. Or they’re saying, “Critical thinking? Reality? Effectiveness? Hm. Nah, let’s cut that bit completely aaand yes we’re a go for living in a conspiracy theory terror dream” - relax, nobody asked for all that.

Happy charting, you cuspy-ass bitches.

XO BULLSHIT FREE ASTROLOGY

[yellow-faerie]

My entry for Day 1 of @tolkienocweek starring my OC Navril and Haldir upon the end of the War of the Ring.

The War Is Over

“The war is over, isn’t it?” Navril says, picking at the moss on the old log she and Haldir have taken a seat on. Haldir swings his legs, letting one of his bare feet graze over the top of the river below them and resists the urge to put a hand over hers.

“It is,” he agrees. “It’s a strange feeling to think we’re safe now.”

“Ish.” She gently punches his arm, wrinkling her nose as she gives him a slight smile. “I know they’ve defeated Sauron and all that, dearest, but that doesn’t mean his orcs have just upped and vanished.”

Haldir sighs, leaning his head back. “I know. Just…trying not to think about it too hard.”

“Hey. If you’re worried about Rú and Phin, I’m sure they will be coming back. You would know if not.”

“Would I though?” He looks up again and turns to her. “I mean, we’re such a distance from each other – it’s not a short distance to Dol Guldor and bonds are always weaker over such a distance. What if it just…fades and I don’t notice until Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn return and…”

He trails off as he sees that Navril’s face has darkened and realises it is not just him she is trying to comfort.

“…and I guess your theory isn’t so far off?” Haldir finishes lamely, feeling so stupid for missing that cue.

At least he knew something of his family��s whereabouts. She knew next to nothing beyond that Legolas had been in Gondor, Naudon in Rivendell and Erthilien and her parents still at their home deep in the forest of Mirkwood.

They could be terribly injured or missing or dead for all she would be able to tell until further news could trickle in from elsewhere.

She shakes her head and smiles at him again. “We can take our minds of such morbid things. Care for a dance dearest?”

She pushes herself from the log and lands in the water, the bottoms of her leggings getting soaking wet. She holds out her hand in invitation, tilting her head and smiling just a bit wider.

Haldir can think of many reasons to say no but none of them can measure up to the thought of shattering that fragile smile.

He can already imagine her hiding the initial hurt with a pout and blasé words saying that she never really cared anyway but he knows that she relies upon him to help her in the small little madnesses she indulges in just as he relies on her for that extra bit of moral support to help him through one more insufferable meeting.

“Of course,” he replies and takes her hand.

She tugs him down before he can gather himself and he stumbles forward, spraying water right the way up his front and a fair bit up his back.

He pulls away and gives her a very affronted look, and she laughs, not even attempting to hide her mirth.

Haldir really can’t stay mad at her when she smiles like that.

“Shall we?” He asks and Navril gives a small, experimental spin before she retakes his hand and pulls him into a dance for whom only she has the choreography.

They are only a moment from the main settlement but there are so few people there that the splashing of the water can drown out the very faint sound that trickles through the trees until it seems as if they are the only two people in the whole world.

It is only him and her and nothing else matters – not the war, their fears or anything. For all Haldir would know, the forest is on fire around them.

And then they stop, suddenly, as if the invisible orchestra accompanying them has finished in a sudden uplifting of strings and the notes have been left to reverberate around them.

Navril and he are very close – improperly so – and Haldir feels his cheeks warm up as the euphoria of…well, whatever that had been dies away leaving only their racing hearts and heavy breathing to mingle in the silence.

He goes to pull away but then Navril reaches up and pulls him back down.

She leans her forehead against his, their lips so very close together.

“Dearest,” she says softly, “the war is over, isn’t it?”

“It is,” he agrees.

“Do you remember what we said?” Navril asks and Haldir smiles, knowing exactly what and when she is talking about.

“When?”

“When we first met, in Rivendell for that council meeting? and I dragged you down from your paperwork to join us for the midsummer’s celebration. It had been very small for we hadn’t wanted to impose on Lord Elrond’s hospitality but you had looked so wide-eyed as if the whole thing was utterly brilliant.”

“I remember,” he says softly. “You said that once the war was over and it was safe, you would take me back to the Greenwood and show me a proper midsummer’s celebration.”

“And?”

“And what?” Haldir asks, acting purposefully obtuse.

“And what do you say to that offer now?”

“Well if it still stands, I would like to most graciously accept.”

She presses up against his mind with a soft query and Haldir answers by bridging that final gap between them and pressing their lips together in a feather light kiss.

“You will be hounded by my family,” Navril warns, pulling back those few inches again.

“I am sure of it. I did have to deal with Legolas for over a month.”

Navril makes a face. “Dearest, he’s the best of them.”

Haldir laughs, tucking a stray bit of hair behind her ear as he pulls away. “Let’s deal with that when the time comes.”

“Probably a wise idea.” She takes a step back, taking an idle kick at his shins (which sprays water up his front again) and dances out of the way of his attempted retaliation.

And so it is soaking wet and with bright smiles that they walk back into camp, hand in hand, and Haldir can’t even find it in himself to be embarrassed.

[bisluthq]

Hello! So, I am a two muse theory doubter (yes read realistic Kay too a couple of times). Like, I want to believe. I have even tried to force it in my mind but it doesn’t take. The reason is - TMT fails to consider the fluctuations of emotional highs, lows, love and lust over the initial 2 year period of a relationship. Like, I am a semi profesh song writer with a muse. The variety of POV I write from are extensive. Life is an emotional pendulum and our experiences make it swing. On any given day, our perspectives and emotions can complete change for a given moment towards a muse. I can love my muse for the rest of my life but hate them with the same passion on any given day, go to my piano and write it into a song and feel indifferent to it later (the good and bad end up in songs). When I listen to Rep, it’s range of intensities I easily apply to my one muse. Taylor herself saying Dress, Delicate, CIWYW & NYD her true story on the album reads like she is just pointing to her average daily experiences with 1 muse. If Delicate is Joe & Dress is Karlie - Taylor separated her finding “love amongst the chaos” into loving two people in her true story. If you actually timeline those particular songs it’s Dress (a lustful hook up), to Delicate (wanting to make it official), CIWYW (the pressure of making it official) and NYD (the challenge of commitment). Unless “Dress” leads her to “Delicate”, why include it at all in her true love story line up? Like, was it a last minute attempt to hetsplain that song years after it came out?🤷‍♀️ by her including NYD in her true love story of Rep, it ties via the ‘squeeze my hand three times in taxi’ lines to cruel summers crying in the backseat lines (which is also the circumstantial vibe of CIWYW). The backseat crying lines of Cruel Summer ties to the Cornelia Street vibe (which Taylor writes later as a reflection of the whatever happened after the Delicate moment) which ties back to Delicate via the bar lines and forward later in time to Gold Rush via the creaks / wooden in the floor lines. I mean, all this says to me there is 1 muse of her true story - which could be Joe (but that cancels out the sapphic nature of dress) or Karlie (which means this illicit affair on joshy-boy really did happen somewhere between 100 and a million times). Tbh, I tend to believe the later. So you’ll be like okay what about LSS, Invisable String then fruitcake? (Fair call future sleuth haha). Or what about babygate and joshlie marriage?! Like, wbk that affair was at least long and messy AF. Folklore and Evermore were written last year and Lover period was fairly chaotic and clunky at best (presumably because of masters heist). Like, they MUST have broken up (FG, DBATC, Daylight, The 1, Cardigan saga, TIMT, Hoax, Peace, Exile, Coney Is, Evermore, RWYLM, CP, Happiness, TTDS). Like, they all have 1 muse energy of losing someone you love through messiness (could be joe🤷‍♀️ we’ll never know for sure). But many of these songs refer to a third person being involved which screams Joshlie to me because of ivy, illicit affair, the bitterness of “The Man”. Baby, you say? Like it’s pretty simple - Karlie went back to Josh, married him and had a baby and Taylor’s like “uhh, what a fucking joke” and processed it last year through writing two albums about it all. Invisable string, LSS - like these are both songs which come from a POV of self-reflection after hope is lost. Maybe reunited after preggo-gate? Maybe consolidated love after break up into friendship aka Dorothea? WB - quite simply - WB is the model to which Taylor writes about whatever she wants to (triangulation of desire). Good for her, great writing strategy. Is it a strategy needed? Well ya, but only if it’s born of having 1 muse and a very obvious story Taylor is trying to obscure. Like, come at me sleuth cuz I reallllly want to believe in two muse story. I wouldn’t even had bothered writing this if I didn’t. What am I missing?

Hey Sim here. So Nat broke protocol and sent me this one to answer because I too am a writer and I too at one point reached that point in the lyric analysis where I literally could not fathom any timeline I was hearing that made sense due to the connections in the lyrics between Reputation and Lover. I have a whole spreadsheet called “Car Bar Roof” where I’m just trying to make sense of a series of events through lyrics alone and I nearly drove myself crazy doing it.

With that being said, I want to give a disclaimer: Nothing wrong with you interpreting things your own way! I know Nat can come off kind of brash sometimes, but both of us are always hyper-aware that we are discussing what essentially amounts to a “Taylor Swift Is Gay” conspiracy theory and because it’s a conspiracy theory and we don’t know these people, no analysis is ever going to be 100% correct. If you don’t hear two muses on Rep, that’s totally fine! I’m sure we have some Toe/Swiftwyn readers who would agree with you there!

I do want to caution against relying entirely on lyric parallels to create a timeline, however. You’re going to dig yourself into a rabbithole that’s very hard to get out of. I think a lot of people don’t realize that Taylor has been using a lot of metaphors (especially the car and the bar) her entire career. It ends up being a big stretch to assume that just because two events in two different songs both take place in a car or a bar, Taylor is talking about the exact same moments. Like, let’s be real, how many times have any of us ever been in a car? Wouldn’t it be kind of ridiculous for a critic of our work to assume everything we write involving a car is about the same specific time we were in a car?

It is also incredibly easy to construct false narratives when you rely only on song analysis. I’ll give you an example using Taylor’s first high school boyfriend, Drew. Whether you believe it or not, he’s often cited as the inspiration for Tim McGraw. The song Tim McGraw has a variety of common themes with Taylor’s other work, the main ones being summer, dancing, the moon, a little black dress, a truck, a creek/river, and going back to school. If we follow song parallel logic, I could connect Tim McGraw to folkmore songs and, because of this, could say Taylor is still dating/writing about Drew from high school.

The little black dress in Tim McGraw is also mentioned in unreleased Live for the Little Things and The Other Side of the Door. In both Tim McGraw and Live for the Little Things, Taylor mentions a black dress and dances with her lover under the moon. A summer love that ends with going back to school can also be found in August, and Cruel Summer and August are very similar songs, in that both are about a summer love that can’t last and isn’t being taken as seriously by one person as another. The Other Side of the Door is almost the exact same premise of an ex at your doorway as I Almost Do, Dark Blue Tennessee, All You Had to Do Was Stay, and exile, meaning all those songs must be connected as well. Dancing with someone in the middle of the night can also be found in Everything Has Changed, 22, and Dancing With Our Hands Tied. As a bonus, trucks and dancing are also mentioned in Champagne Problems, which connects to Gold Rush, So It Goes, and Dancing With Our Hands tied through the use of the color Gold. So It Goes also mentions wearing black and meeting someone in the middle of the night. So all those songs have to be about Drew as well.

So here’s the narrative that makes: Taylor and Drew dated over a summer then broke up when he went back to school but at some point he came back to her door and they got back together. They mostly hung out in the middle of the night, driving around and dancing. Unfortunately, when he proposed, Taylor couldn’t say yes, and literally left him stranded on the dance floor and is now #foreveralone and writing folkmore to process these events.

To be clear, I don’t actually believe any of this. I don’t think anyone else does either, but since neither Taylor nor Drew have publicly interacted in over a decade, this can be easily disproved, despite the “obvious” way the songs connect. Taylor just likes certain themes. Cars and bars. Nature. The contrast of light and dark. Sparks and fire. I guarantee if you go over her unreleased songs and first two albums with the same fine tooth comb you’ve gone over Folkmore/Lover/Reputation/1989 with, you’ll find just as many lyric parallels, and it’s not because she’s only writing about one person.

Occams Razor tells me Kaylor’s not on good terms anymore. It also tells me Karlie and Josh are actually having a child together. From the outside, it looks like things have been bad since at least the Masters Heist, if not before, and the more digging we’ve done, the more evidence we find of that. Now, you don’t have to believe that if you don’t want to! As long as you don’t go around harassing people we’ve got no beef with you. Just know you’re always going to find song parallels to back up whatever you want because Taylor’s such a prolific songwriter who loves to use the same themes again and again. That’s just deductive reasoning, baby. Thanks for the discourse though! LMK if you wanna chat song analysis sometime!

[tristanlovesthequeen]

Something Smart

Tristan Arcelona

Claire Daigle

Minding the Canon HTCA-502-01

11/30/16

Artist as Purveyor of the Contemporary Landscape

The first time I saw a representation of Salvador Dali's “The Persistence of Memory” was in a cartoon on Nickelodeon called “Tiny Toons.”  I forget the exact scene but somehow this image stayed with me and has pervaded popular culture since its inception.  Dali first came up with the idea during a after a dinner party with his wife, Gala and some artist friends.  After dinner the group decided to go to the cinema and Dali decided to hang back.  He sat at the head of the table observing a loaf of Camembert cheese and pondering the super soft texture of it.  He sat down and began to work at the painting.  It was almost complete upon the return of his wife.  Upon seeing it she proclaimed that it was a sight impossible to be unseen.

The simplicity of the initial concept of soft cheese was then taken to the next step through Dali's hyper paranoiac conceptualism and then taken even further by art critics, theorists, and historians who believed it had to do with Einstein's theory of relativity.  Later on in Dali's career he began to paint about this topic, with the advent of nuclear physics and string theory, molecular structures and DNA mapping.  This is an instance of artist creating a brand, and the symbiotic relationship between the supply chain and the demand creating new technologies, hybridized paintings, and advancement in concept.  Dali drifted between faith systems his entire life, finding sources of inspiration and exploring them, sharing his findings and experiments through the medium of art.  What started as landscape and portraiture evolved into impressionism then cubism and then his most famous surrealist stage.  This period explored the concept of dream reality and meaning of dream symbols which directly connected him to the theories of Sigmund Freud.  When criticized by fellow surrealists as purely a commercial painter, he denounced surrealism, needing only his wife Gala.  He lived a life in the spotlight through wars, moving from Europe to New York and back again.  He progressed the ideas explored in surrealism to scientific theorems and in the tail end of his career he became more of a faith based painter.

Sometimes the mythology of a painting's creation is more interesting than the painting itself.  It's reputation precedes it and therefore it achieves high levels of fame.  One such painting is “Dance at the Moulin de la Galette” by Renoir.  The Moulin de la Galette was a popular dance hall/ bar/ restaurant for the impressionists to meet in Montmarte Paris, France during the late 1800's.  Pierre Auguste Renoir had a studio nearby.  Legend has it that everyday he would carry the canvas with a friend down to the Moulin de la Galette and set up his easel.  

Renoir leased a studio at 12 Rue Cortot, in April 1875.  It came furnished and had two floors, where he lived with his brother.  He made several studies at the Moulin de la Galette.  Renoir's civil servant friend Georges Riviere writes how friends helped carry the canvas back and forth “We would carry this canvas every day from the rue cortot to the moulin, because the painting was executed entirely on the spot.  This was not without difficulties, when the wind blew and the big canvas threatened to fly away like a kite over the Butte.” (pg. 64)

Renoir used his friends and acquaintances from all walks of life as models.  He had a favorite female sitter, whose name was Jeanne and was sixteen who refused the main role in the painting but appears later in life as the main character in “The Swing.”  Instead, her sister Estelle models the pink and blue ribbon dress.

Renoir went through a period in his life where he and his fellow impressionist compatriots were penniless.  Renoir combated this period in his life by writing letters to friends asking for money, also by staying with fellow artists such as Monet.  It seemed the impressionist vision was fading with the salon show actually losing money and his artist group parting ways.  His main gallerist Durand-ruel closed his London location and it seemed that all was lost.  Famished, Renoir started painting portraits and with a stroke of luck and genius, he was able to make the acquaintance of one of Duret's friends Deudon, who was a wealthy lawyer and owner of a clothing store Old England.  Duedon comissioned him to paint a mural in his estate, a portrait of Madame Duedon and five of his finished pieces.  

This granted Renoir passage to build upon what he had been pursuing with his portrait studies to create the symphony of motion and light that we know as Bal du Moulin de la Galette.  After exhibiting, he was able to land several published reviews as was the style at the time.  However, instead of advancing his process and concept, the reviews were mostly negative, 2/6 were favorable.

Most of Renoir's paintings are figurative, all signifying spacial pictoral depth.  Some are landscape.  Now they seem highly unoriginal, the best part about them being the color and motion of brushstroke.  His model choice changed slightly over the years, yet remained mostly young white women, beginning with light red hair and progressing to black.  He undeniably had a type, at his worst remained a blank, doll-like expression.  Even in the Bal du Moulin de la Galette, his most populated painting, it looks as though the main female model repeats over and over as though she were dancing with her clones.  However, he combats this with the dappled shadows from the overhanging branches, the representation of the contemporary styles of the time, and the bright and sunny disposition of all the participants of the scene.  One cannot help but feel nostalgic for a period that would not have existed if the Impressionists had not imagined and created it.  

Advance time about a hundred years or more and we find Bruce la Bruce's movie Super 8 1/2.  This movie is a mockumentary based on a queer fetishistic porn producer's life and work.  Things have changed since the 90's, with the advancement of the internet interrupting basically every aspect of our lives.  Porn is everywhere.  This movie is reminiscent of John Waters' tongue in cheek reality.  The stars are not perfect right wing citizens, they are “underground” and rife with problems, and we see how very real they are.  The main character takes after Andy Warhol, he has taken to alcoholism and lives in a dingy room with aluminum colored space blankets on the walls.  He is always in a state of heartbreak and his relationships with his costars are argumentative and violent.  

Googie is an adventurous porn producer who finds her subjects in mysterious ways.  She finds a lesbian couple hooking up in a graveyard and casts them as her new stars.  A confessional interview shows them talking about their threesomes with strangers and hatred for hetero cis men. They like to “fuck them, and fuck with their minds.”  Wednesday and Friday describe going into clubs with a pair of scissors and cutting off straight men's ponytails.  They aren't serious strippers, they are quirky and take their sexuality and dancing with a slight humorous bend.  

The stars are full of themselves and obsessed with fame.  Their egos cause them to blow up in violent outbursts at each other and exploit each other.  The difference between Bruce la Bruce's porn and every other run of the mill porn filmed in New York or the valley, is that these stars have been given credit for being avant garde art stars. One such plot is Bruce driving an old Jaguar down a a desolate country road and hitting a hitchhiker.  He gets out of the car to check on the man who he has hit and ends up getting a blowjob when he regains consciousness.  The movie concludes with the stranger throwing up on the side of the road and Bruce hopping back in the car and driving away.

A movie directed by Googie and starring Wednesday and Friday, the two lesbian “sisters,” pictures them holding a man up with a WWII army beretta, lubing up his rear and shoving the covered pistol in his behind.  They finish him off by stripping him bare in the brush, powdering him and equipping him with a diaper.

The movie is a black comedy.  Visually it is devoid of colour. Needless to say, it is weighty in its stark portrayal of a scene that is hardly ever represented in the main stream without being over glorified.  It is an industry, much like the meat industry, that remains invisible in its process, yet is pervasive throughout history, since the dawn of photography.  It has it's parallels in the art scene, with painters and photographers alike representing models who may or may not have participated in porn shoots.  The credit goes to the artist usually, with the model being a conduit to his concept, and it is impossible to see how much the subject actually contributed to the process and final image.

Eventually we see Bruce's participation in the industry drowning him in sorrow. He stumbles around the courtyard of an insane asylum in black doc martens, white pants, and a white straight jacket.  He has been exploited to no end, what was supposed to save his career, the interviews and collaborations, actually detrimented from it.  His friend describes him as losing touch with reality, blurring the line between his movies and his waking life.  We see him shellshocked on camera dropping a line of infinite wisdom and rebuking it, attempting to cover his tracks, rephrasing it as if it can be edited out of the space time continuum.

The film is filmed in low-fi black and white with almost no budget. Needless to say, it is an art film.  It documents a sub culture that concerns itself with a subversive beauty, that the mainstream is dangerous.  It takes hard work no matter what you do, whoever said being a pornstar is easy?  We see the image of a young black man on a benchpress, the director condemning him for not being able to get it up, that he has had “Three fluffers already.”  That the price of fame might be the price of your mental well being, that the more one departs from mainstream society the more danger one welcomes into their personality.  That somehow being beautiful and volatile gives you control over others, it creates a desire in them to do your will. However, it is only tolerable for a short period of time.  Misery loves company but it also attracts a certain type of self aware genius.  We are only comfortable with our avarice in the midst of a reflection, and when that reflection starts to change we are disgusted and need to move on.  We accept that life is hard and must accept the most gruesome of challenges because our ability to tolerate and moderate these events bring us a sense of personal satisfaction, the sense of grit to survive.  The fear always lies with our insecurities.  When will this life bring me under?  How much is too much?  In this industry, pain and substance abuse go hand in hand.  In theory, the dampening of the limbic system allows us to surpass the constant onslaught of painful memories.  What is actually happening is quite the opposite.  How one chooses to combat these issues or feelings depends on a personality type or a type of abuse someone has endured in the past, whether it was mental, physical or sexual.  Occasionally people attempt to welcome back this type of abuse into their lives, they put themselves in situations that repeat or glorify an abusive situation and it becomes a cycle without rebirth leading to their ultimate destruction and downfall.  Given the right willpower, resources, and technique one can break this cycle.  Life is not without pitfalls and setbacks, but only if we take them that way.  This can lead us further into space or further equip us to deal with life has to offer us.  

Ultimately society was not built to do us any favors.  The kind of free sexual rebellion that this movie introduces is somewhat refreshing somewhat stale.  It shows us that this behavior might not land us in prison, but might lead us to a sort of mental exile where we feel alien to the world.  The world has offered us an escape from mainstream only to find that we are caught in another mainstream. Crimes against humanity are rampant wherever we go and it is not until we accept them as part of our culture that we find any release.

Tony smith created the steel sculpture “Die” in 1968 with the intention of representing the “square root” of six.  It is literally six by six feet, metaphorically representing death by being six feet deep and a six foot box.  It is brooding in its intentionality, also seems to be a means to an end goal of traveling to New York.  The NGA describes the piece as “embracing the heroic and humanistic attitudes associated with abstract expressionist art of the 1950's,” however I would describe the movement as one filled mostly with a sense of white male machismo.  How could he have not noticed the gigantic black cube in the middle of Jerusalem called the Kaaba which houses the holy book of the Q'uuraan?  Millions of people flock to the religious site each year to pay homage to the prophet Muhammad.  Arguably, this is an even larger homage to organized religion and the prowess of another man of a separate ethnicity. Both cubes are homages to death, one is immensely popular and other remains a mirror of a small dying culture, we shall presume the reader knows which one is which.  

Sometimes art is less conceptual as a metaphor for what is already present in life, and turns into a science project that invigorates the future of materiality, which is what all visual art media is based.  Traditional materials are often decided by trends in the economy, sudden turns of fate determine which path is chosen and which materials will become the new norm.  What replaced the steam engine with the gasoline powered motorcar and what replaced paper made from trees instead of hemp, was usually a rich investor that decided it was easier to pollute than to create something that is sustainable and equally as useful.  What we have now is a bunch of overworked, underpaid employees that are just as polluted in their minds as the environments lakes and rivers.  

Iris van Herpen is a designer that falls into a new genre of material futures.  Material futures deals with finding a category of unsustainable or overused materiality, whether it be, organs, meat that we eat, or clothes that we wear.  She creates new fabrics that are produced using 3d scans and furthermore printed and stitched by hand and machine to create designs reminiscent of HR Giger meets fairy princess, Hufflepuff meets Slitheryn in Harry Potter fan lore. She is conducting science with the touch of a skilled wizard, producing new leather from cow cells and lightweight fabrics lighter than silk.  This technology continues to progress around the world. Her theory is not that we should be creating new wearable technologies that are stylistically unsound, meant to connect us to the outside world without bringing anything new to the physical realm.  Her textures and textiles connote that we can represent how we feel and what we have experienced through  a suit that we wear. 3D printing is becoming more accessible, to the point that people could do it “if they could only find the time.”  If Iris van Herpen ever becomes mainstream we might not find the time to leave the house in the morning, staring at our reflections, robing and disrobing again until we can find the right form to describe our ever changing mood.

As it so happens, Iris van Herpen interned for Alexander McQueen, a famous English fashion designer who has died but his name still rings on.  Before his death in 2010, he put together a show called VOSS, in which models were to reenact the mentality of being in an inpatient unit.  Models shaped like gazelles stumble around in high heels looking posh and sleek with some sort of headdress that looks as though they have strapped pantyhose to their heads.  Kate moss fumbles at the walls, which, are double sided mirrors, the audience can see in but none of the models on the runway can see out.  The models, while nice to look at, sporting some amazing designs by McQueen, are perhaps not the most interesting part of the show.  The climax comes, as the large rectangular rhombus in the center of the room comes crashing open, glass shatter and butterflies spread everywhere, fluttering about in the light.  The main character, unclear whether she is the protagonist/ antagonist, reclines nude inside the cube, sporting a gas mask with concord wings a precursor to a character in Mad Max Fury Road.  

It just so happens that this model is Michelle Olley, a London based writer and magazine editor who specializes in culture.  She was a key figure in queer and fetish culture in the 80's and 90's and has since hopped around from job to job and now works as content manager for Turner Broadcasting's Adult Swim.  On her blog, she describes the experience of being involved in the project.  The all around stress she was under and the real life torture she felt being kept in the box.

“If it weren’t for yoga I’d be in absolute agony by now. I can’t move much because moving breaks wings; my lower leg is dead after about twenty minutes on the chair. I’ve got at least an hour and a half alone in here, and that’s if the show starts on time, which of course they never, ever do. After about another fifteen minutes my right shoulder, which is leaning on a cushion, starts to ache. I’m clutching onto Stephen’s best scalpel—which I need to slash open the butterfly net that contains 250 live moths and butterflies. I’m holding the net in my other hand trying to keep it still so I don’t disturb them. The radio earpieces are throbbing—they’ve been hurting since they wrapped the bandages round them. It’s not too bad in the mask. I can breathe OK. The temperature is awful, though. They need to keep it cold in there so that the moths will remain still/placid. Cold air is being piped in, as when the lights go on at showtime, it’s going to get really hot. The cold air is giving me goose bumps and making the glue/moth parts all around my body really itchy. My head’s hot, my body’s freezing. Time to test whether they really are listening at all times. I ask Anna to turn off the air con and they agree to give it a rest for ten minutes. I have no idea how long it took to shut it off or low long it was off for, but it wasn’t enough. Before I know it, the pipes are blowing again—sending another flurry of broken wings and antennas off me and I’m shivering. Anna tells me they’re running about twenty minutes late (it was about an hour to the official start by this point). By this stage I have no idea how long I’ve been in there, or how long I have left. Time has ceased to be quantifiable. I’m too focused on not thinking about my discomfort, not getting emotional, saying warm and not thinking about the fact I was busting for a pee. I just wanted desperately to get it over with. Sometime later Anna calls to say it would be another fifteen minutes on top of the twenty (“We’re waiting for Gwyneth, who’s stuck in traffic”). Bring. It. On. Before getting in the box, I’d seen all the names on the chairs through the two-way mirrored glass. Paltrow was at my feet, next to Nick and Charlotte Knight; my backside was right to Isabella Blow, Grace Jones, Sharlene from Texas and Ronnie and Jo Wood. Could they tell I was hatching a radio mic? I’d also spotted Tracy Chapman, Tracey Emin and Jake Chapman’s names on the chairs. My early comment about “doing it for art” was coming true in an unexpected fashion...

No, it’s the art thing again. I want people to know what I just went through wasn’t a breeze and I did it for art. Yes, art. Because I believe it’s worth going through that much palaver if it creates a strong image that conveys an important idea. And I believe that the idea that we are trapped by our “civilized,” socially approved identities is massively important. It causes women so much suffering. Fear of aging, fear of not being thin enough. Fear of not having the right clothes. Fear of our animal natures that we carry in our DNA—fish, bird, lizard, insect, mammal. We’ve never had it more techno, we’ve never needed it more human. We humans living now still cannot turn ourselves into perfect beings, no matter how long we spend at the gym, beauty parlour, shops, etc.”

Sometimes it takes a whole orchestra of behind the scenes folks to get a project realized.  Sometimes it is only a handful of people who receive the credit for a massive undertaking such as this.  Why is Tracy Chapman still relevant?  Because she is involved with the culture.  And when all is said and done, however equally distributed the pain and strife of the work that was completed, we still live in a world where Benjamin Franklin is accredited with the discovery of electricity.  Perhaps McQueen would have not felt so weighed down by the responsibility of stardom if the attention received for such a project was distributed with more equity.  Michelle Olley still learned a valuable lesson in body image from the experience of participating in the project, so it seems that process can be the most important part of creation.

Haruki Murakami writes in his novel Kafka on the Shore, “That’s why I like to listen to Schubert while I’m driving. Like I said, it’s because all the performances are imperfect. A dense, artistic kind of imperfection stimulates your consciousness, keeps you alert. If I listen to some utterly perfect performance of an utterly perfect piece while I’m driving, I might want to close my eyes and die right then and there. But listening to the D major, I can feel the limits of what humans are capable of—that a certain type of perfection can only be realized through a limitless accumulation of the imperfect. And personally, I find that encouraging.”

Contemporary art seems to operate solely upon this concept, that there are continuous builds based upon the notion that everything here is imperfect.  Competition is based on this nodule that human kind has something to prove, that there is somehow something better to be strived for.  Competition within contemporary art pushes boundaries of what is conceptual, accepted, what element of art history the piece is derived from, and what new materials can be used.  Since there is no purpose in striving for perfection, it eliminates the competition within the art world.  What is left is abstract free flowing ideas.  Competition in the art world, it seems only exists within the art market.  Survival of the fittest is based on who has the latest advancement in technology “who has the biggest guns” and who can obtain the largest chunk of the economy.  Eventually people try to compensate by dumping the largest amount of money into a particular project, here size of the object, materiality, location, and finish come into play.  What is left can be impactful, just because of the immense capabilities of one particular artist.  

The Japanese synth composer Yuzo Koshiro, who is famous for his video game scores during the 90's describes this concept when being called the king of FM synthesis.  “It’s an honour for me. Though there are a lot of people who use the FM synth well. As I said before, in terms of game music... Trying to use an FM synth with MIDI had so many restrictions. I don’t think people could use the chip to its full potential exactly as they wanted. Since I made my own editor and driver, I could control everything about the chip down to the fine details. So I think that’s why I was able produce that level of sound. I definitely don’t think I’m great at making quality tones though. Being able to control every little thing freely was one of the main reasons I received that kind of praise.”  Koshiro was able to fine tune his process by using his own tools, which he developed, using his own ideal of how he saw the future.  Still, he believes the final product was not the embodiment of perfection.  He finds that the more one plays through a video game with the music that he has composed, the more the melodies grow on us.

“Is it the quiet shore of contemplation that I set aside for myself, as I lay bare, under the cunning, orderly surface of civilizations, the nurturing horror that they attend to pushing aside by purifying, systematizing, and thinking; the horror that they seize on in order to build themselves up and function?  I rather conceive it as a work of disappointment, of frustration and hollowing—probably the only counterweight to abjection.  While everything else –its archaeology and its exhaustion—is only literature:  The sublime point at which the abject collapses in a burst of beauty that overwhelms us—and that cancels our existence” Kristeva.

Kristeva's “Powers of Horror” is a long, drawn out study on the abject.  How she was able to complete such a tour de force is beyond us, which is probably why it seems so intelligent.  She was able to sustain concentration on the most unbearable subjects, and most art students, given the the task of completing the entire transcript, are unable to do so.  If there is one positive concept to be derived from this reading, it is that the abject is necessary in small doses, in order to achieve the opposite.  What disrupts and disgusts us can make us believe that there is an opposite.  That notion is described in the quote as the sublime.  

If we look at the hollowness of space as terrifying, then we see why people decide to huddle together within city walls.  We condense only to realize that this too, can be perceived as abject, and in the instance, we decide to disperse.  In this way, the feeling of abjection can flip flop, all at once describing the fickle nature of the human personality, and the lightness of being alive.

“Women artists are more inward-looking, more delicate and nuanced in their treatment of their medium, it may be asserted. But which of the women artists cited above is more inward-turning then Redon, more subtle and nuanced in the handling of pigment than Corot? Is Fragonard more or less feminine than Mme. Vigee-Lebrun? Or is it not more a question of the whole Rococo style of eighteenth-century France being "feminine," if judged in terms of a binary scale of "masculinity" versus "femininity"? Certainly, if daintiness, delicacy, and preciousness are to be counted as earmarks of a feminine style, there is nothing fragile about Rosa Bonheur's Horse Fair, nor dainty and introverted about Helen Frankenthaler's giant canvases. If women have turned to scenes of domestic life, or of children. so did Jan Steen, Chardin, and the Impressionists-- Renoir and Monet as well as Morisot and Cassatt. In any case, the mere choice of a certain realm of subject matter, or the restriction to certain subjects, is not to be equated with a style, much less with some sort of quintessentially feminine style.”

Traditionally, throughout history, most of the credit of winning has been given to men.  Credit is sometimes equated to fame, such as Alexander McQueen's stylistic designs and art shows, where there are numerous participants.  However, what equates fame?  How do we quantify how well known something is?  If something that lives in our hearts is more important than fame, how is it that we measure?  Many ideas presented in the art history canon have been proposed by women first. We see this in the example of Carolee Schneemann's “Meat Joy” and also “Up to and Including Her Limits.”  Matthew Barney used the same ideas in his piece “Drawing Restraint” several years later and arguably received more credit.  He is also referencing his “personal mythology,” which might include pieces that Schneemann has produced.  Meat Joy creates a scene where the body is abjectly presented as a vessel of meat, flesh we consume is also the flesh we destroy, and the theme of abject flesh is now popularized in contemporaries like Jenny Saville.  Where once upon a time it was popular to idealize the human form, it is now popular to debunk the myth of a perfect form and present the new ideal as a medley of body types and human characteristics, not ignoring the ever presence of the abundance of flesh, and bodily fluids.  In terms of art, the gender of the object is attributed to whomever created it, no matter how rugged or polished the piece may be.  The independence of women artists does not suggest that they did not particularly belong to a certain school or class of artists, it just means that they were not recognized for being there.  Since the presence of art history is also based upon the presence of critics and historians, the relationships between these individuals and the people they chose to represent is important too.  The interpersonal relationships amongst individuals in the art world also influence who receives a review. Ana Mendietta is mostly recognized for her relationship with Carl Andre, as Lucian Freud is mostly recognized because he is grandson to Sigmund Freud.  Not to say either is necessarily without talent, which is quite the opposite, however people are recognized mostly from their upbringing and what circles they revolve in.

Which leaves me believing something is missing within the art world and the world at large.  We all experience the sense of the void, which is a mirror of the total amount of dark matter in the universe.  There is something amiss, and we are not quite sure what it is.  The Fifth Element addresses this concept, with the notion that there is a missing element that will save the universe.  With designs by Jean Giraud Moebius and Jean Paul Gaultier, this french cult classic is one of the most visually stunning movies to date.  

The plot revolves around the main character Korben Dallas and his relationship with the embodiment of the fifth element, Leeloo.  She is a fanboy's dream, a young model actress that does not speak English, is the visage of perfection but does not have any visual or cultural preference of her own to speak of, nor any knowledge of who she is or what humans are.  Besides this general monotony, she contains an element that is activated by a particular piece of knowledge.  What Korben Dallas teaches her, is the concept of love.  This is the final unifying element in the universe, the one that clarifies the dream, and brings light to an otherwise dark place.  No matter what your belief system is, if you are a human, animal, sentient being, this rings true.  What is the essence of life, what is the point of materiality if there is no feeling there?

With my own work, I feel a sense of displacement usually rather than belonging.  A jumble of ideas are mashed together usually to bring a solution to some sort of negativity, in order to see the light shine through.  Many artists use their art as a way to connect on a broader spectrum, in this way I am no different.  I find that personally I connect best at a small scale, one or two people rather than a huge group.  Limiting options of who to talk to can create a stronger bond, as if limiting one's palate, in order to know what is truly motivating one's soul.  

With what I create, I tend to maximize my reference points.  I create a mashup of things I have experienced, usually told in the form of a fable created through symbolism of images derived from 90's pop culture.  Perhaps this is me bringing to the forefront the notion of keeping my childhood alive, by subliming memories of contemporary life.  Art can be about breaking free of limits, so my process constantly changes to remove myself from an XY axis and a grid, to constantly build and destroy, to remove anger, hate, and turn it into love.  

This semester I have learned a few things about the art world and art school in specific.  There are a few key tropes that reoccur and navigating them is mostly about the language used to describe them. For example, using the word umwelt for someone's personal bubble; using the term post humanism when someone really means Sci-fi; structuralism for patterns that repeat; anthropocene for the current affect of global warming.  Part of the interchangeability of words to describe these things has to do with the malleability of the ideas themselves.  As we saw with Salvador Dali's study of string theory, different personal views conjure up different worlds.  The study of these worlds leads us on our own personal journeys.  We envelop these concepts and let the future unfold, perhaps we use art as the mechanism to advance human kind.  I always thought of art as some kind of pseudo-science, now I can say that these things are interchangeable, art can be science, theory, personal reflection, fortune telling, and the economy.  The mythology that leads us here today can change time.  

Works Cited

Barbara Ehrlich White, Renoir His Life Art and Letters. 1984. Harry N. Abrams, Inc.  New York

NGA.gov for tony smith's die

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/08/t-magazine/iris-van-herpen-designer-interview.html?_r=0

http://blog.metmuseum.org/alexandermcqueen/michelle-olley-voss-diary/

http://daily.redbullmusicacademy.com/2014/09/yuzo-koshiro-interview

The fifth element

[hollenius]

Sorry, I just really love interviews where Peter Buck talks about books. And also about crying at a Pepsi commercial.

https://www.courant.com/news/connecticut/hc-xpm-2001-10-14-0110140554-story.html

Edit: apparently this is not accessible in all countries, so I am copying and pasting the text under the cut. Contains some discussion of Michael Stipe’s lyric-writing strategies as well as tales R.E.M. reading all of Flannery O’Connor’s short stories while in the van in 1982, whether Faulkner or Hemingway or Fitzgerald liked music, intuition vs. hard work in the act of creation (and how writing a song isn’t like writing a novel), the relative effectiveness of specificity vs. generality in bringing about an emotional response in the audience (and, again, how songs aren’t like novels) etc.

RECONSTRUCTION OF THE FABLES: MARK LINDQUIST and PETER BUCK

THE HARTFORD COURANT     October 14, 2001

Mark Lindquist: The only thing I did to prepare for this was to go through my CD collection, and the three bands that dominate my collection are the Beatles, R.E.M. and the Replacements. I listened to albums by each in progression, and one of the things I noticed -- maybe because I was looking for it -- is that each of these bands became increasingly interested in narrative, in story, as their career progressed. Do you think that happened with R.E.M.

Peter Buck: Absolutely. When we started out, Michael was trying to find a way of communicating that wasn't a literal language. He didn't want to string together sentences that told a story that everyone could agree on. I really respected that, the feeling that the narrative stuff has been done, love songs have been done, and this sort of Rorschach blot of words and emotions are a different way to approach telling a story.It also opens it up a lot, in that people can listen to these songs and, without knowing exactly what they're about, put themselves in the song. Michael told me recently: His theory is, name your 10 favorite rock songs of all time. Write them down. Then write next to them what they're about. Guarantee that you'll only be able to do that for two of them.

ML: Let's try that. Name your five favorite rock songs.

PB: "Like a Rolling Stone," "Fight the Power," "We Can Work It Out," "I Just Wasn't Made for These Times" and "Gloria" by Patti Smith.

ML: OK, "Like a Rolling Stone." What's that about?

PB: Obviously it's an aggressive song putting someone down, but I don't know who that person is. Assuming that I know a little about Dylan's life, it could be about the people who followed him around. It seems to be a portrait of someone who thinks they're a winner, who's high in society. Who that is, I don't know. I could be completely wrong. I don't know what Napoleon "who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat" means.

ML: But you remember the line about those Siamese cats.

PB: With Dylan, you always get that. "The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face." That's from "Visions of Johanna," which is one of my favorite songs, but I have no idea what that means.

ML: How about "Fight the Power"?

PB: I would assume, being a white guy from the suburbs, that it's about being black, but I don't know. If the Beastie Boys had written it with the same lyrics, I'd have no idea.

ML: "I Just Wasn't Made For These Times" is from "Pet Sounds," which is chock-full of stories, at least in my mind. I may be imposing a narrative, because I listened to this CD when I left for college, and to me that album was about leaving home, going on a new adventure: "I once had a dream, so I packed up and left for the city." But that may have nothing to do with what Brian Wilson intended. Still, let's talk about R.E.M.'s progression toward stories.

PB: When we first started out, I know that Michael felt everything in rock and roll had been done. We didn't want to write a love song, or anything that could be construed as a love song, for 10 years.

ML: What would you say your first love song was?

PB: Well, it wasn't a love song. "The One I Love" is an anti-love song, but since "the one I love" is in the title ... we used to play it, and I'd look into the audience, and there would be couples kissing. Yet the verse is, "This one goes out to the one I love/A simple prop to occupy my time." That's savagely anti-love. But that's OK. People perceive songs as they are. People told me that was "their song." That was your song? Why not "Paint it Black" or "Stupid Girl" or "Under My Thumb"?

ML: But that's pop music -- Noel Coward's line about the amazing "potency of cheap music."

PB: It doesn't even matter, the value of the music. I've teared up at commercials.

ML: What commercial made you tear up, for God sake?

PB: The Pepsi commercial where the woman is depressed and the monkeys bring her a Pepsi. It was because of my life at the time, and not the commercial, but that's what pop music is, too. It's not necessarily what's written or even implied. It's what you as the listener take out of it. Which is why I tend to think songs that are less specific are more powerful.I've never cried at, say, "The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll" by Bob Dylan, which is a very specific song. I know that there's a woman named Hattie Carroll, and she was killed. But it was reportage. It never made me tear up, but other songs have. It's all about what you bring in at that moment, so narrative is not necessarily the most important thing.

ML: Do you think that works in literature? One of the things they tell you in Writing 101 is to make things more specific rather than more general. Is literature more powerful if it's less specific?

PB: Absolutely not. I think literature is a chance for someone like me, who's led a more or less middle-class life, to look into someone else's heart and mind and be shown a world that I don't know. When I was a teenager, I read a lot of African American literature -- "Soledad Brother" or "Invisible Man" or Richard Wright, and there were things that completely changed my life. The strength of literature is its specificity.

ML: Why do you think R.E.M.'s music has become more specific, more story-driven?

PB: I think Michael was trying to find a way on the early records to tell a story without telling a story. As he got a little older and became more comfortable doing the singing and being a public figure, the idea was still, "I'm not going to tell a story where someone says this is a song about ... " Now as a writer Michael likes to take a character he imagines and write from that perspective, tell a story in the first person. But it's not necessarily his perspective.

ML: When I saw R.E.M. in Seattle in 1999, I think Stipe introduced "The Apologist" by saying, "This is a story about ... " And "All the Way to Reno" is a pretty classic narrative. It reminds me of "That's Not Me" from "Pet Sounds," not musically or lyrically, but conceptually.

PB: "Reno," I'm sure that is sung from the perspective of a 17-or 18-year old girl. It has to be. I've never asked him.

ML: And "That's Not Me" is sung from the perspective of a like-minded 17- or 18-year-old boy. Bret Easton Ellis has said as you get older, you become more interested in narrative, in stories with a beginning, middle and an end.

PB: Part of it is definitely an age thing. When I was in my 20s, and my band was in its early years, we were capturing an experience, not necessarily thinking about the chain between the past and the future, which is what a novel is. As you get older, your life is less about capturing the moment and more about understanding what you're doing.

ML: Has Michael's progression or change as a lyricist been influenced by literature?

PB: I don't know. The only way I can say our band was directly influenced by literature was when we did our first big American tour in 1982, before our first EP came out. We were in a van, touring to nobody, playing songs no one has ever heard. I managed to find all three of the Flannery O'Connor short-story collections, and every member of the band read every one of the words in those three collections on that tour. We passed them around, pages falling out, putting pages back in, reading them with a light on at 2 a.m., going from San Antonio to L.A. I felt really strongly that it changed the way we thought about writing. I don't know why, because she writes about faith and the problems of faith in a world where there is no faith, and Michael wasn't writing linear dialogues, but when we made our first record, I think we all thought Flannery O'Connor was something we would emulate in some way.

ML: I can be listening to a particular CD or song that evokes a mood or a moment in a way I admire, and I will try to get the same effect into what I'm writing. Has the reverse ever happened to you? You're reading a novel or short story, and it works for you so well, you think you want to get whatever it is that works for you into your music? Do you take what you read the night before into what you write?

PB: All I can say is I certainly hope so, which is why I try to read good stuff.

ML: OK, other books that have affected you as a songwriter?

PB: Denis Johnson.

ML: Why?

PB: I don't know why. "Already Dead" changed me when I read it. I can't say why or how, but I felt like a different person at the end, in the same way that when I was a teenager, Pynchon's "Gravity's Rainbow" completely moved me.

ML: One of the things music can do for writers is that we can take a song, an idea in a song, or even a character in a song, and expand it into a story, or a screenplay, or a novel. Another thing music can do for writers is set a tone for whatever we're working on that day. Most writers I know listen to rock, but Kerouac talked about how he would do that with jazz.

PB: What do you think Faulkner did?

ML: I think he just drank.

PB: But do you think he put the 78s on? He probably wasn't a Glenn Miller guy. Was he a Duke Ellington guy? I bet Faulkner played records at his house. I'd be really shocked if he didn't play gospel stuff from the '30s and '40s, if he didn't listen to blues music.

ML: What about Hemingway?

PB: My feeling is he didn't get much pleasure in life. Having read his books, I doubt very much that he had an ear for music. I bet he loved music in the hills of Spain, dancing to it, no matter how good or bad it was. But did he go home and put on records? I doubt that very much. Now Fitzgerald, he found joy in life.

ML: And in drinking. It kept him from writing.

PB: He's another of those people who never really found what he needed to do in his life. I re-read "The Crackup" about a year ago, and there's a great quote, and I paraphrase, about how when I was young I wanted to be Byron, Don Juan, J.P. Morgan. All that is burned away. I'm a writer now, nothing else. Literature is something written out of deep understanding. Music is written more out of the intuitive. When I read great books, I refuse to think they just made it up as they went along. That's what happens in rock and roll.

ML: There are passages that come to you as a writer that feel like they wrote themselves. However, you unfortunately have to write the other 500 pages or so yourself.

PB: The good stuff occurs because you work really, really hard, spend your entire life immersed in one thing, and if you're able to let yourself go completely for that time it takes to do anything great. My superstition, though, is songs that are there that aren't written. I think every songwriter feels, "I'm really good at my craft," but the good songs pop up, and you always like to feel they come from somewhere other than inside of you.The night I wrote "Losing My Religion," I was drinking wine and watching the Nature Channel with the sound off and learning how to play the mandolin. I had only had it for a couple nights. I had a tape player going, and the tape has me playing some really bad scales, then a little riff, then the riff again, and you can hear my voice say "Stop." Then I played "Losing My Religion" all the way through, and then played really bad stuff for a while. I woke up in the morning not knowing what I'd written. I had to relearn it by playing the tape. That's where songs come from for me, someplace where you're not really thinking about it.That's what's different from literature. You can't sit down and let "The Great Gatsby" happen. The songs I write are four minutes long. You can disconnect from wherever you are for four minutes and find it. I really doubt you can do that for months with a novel.

ML: There's something that's always struck me as a little off about Peter Buck and Michael Stipe. Traditionally, the songwriter is thought of as the more intuitive, and the lyricist as the more lettered. The reality is you're the more lettered, and Stipe is the more intuitive.

PB: Michael has this amazing ability to absorb things. He doesn't sit around and read tons of books, but he does read. He probably reads more political literature than I ever have.

ML: It's funny, I know lots of novelists who wish they were rock stars, but I don't know any musicians who wish they were novelists.

PB: Hey, I'm raising my hand right here!

The poster has moved with me now for 15 years. It's part of a series for America's public libraries, featuring a very young-looking R.E.M., with Peter Buck, Mike Mills, Michael Stipe and Bill Berry each holding their favorite books. I'd love to know what Stipe is holding, but, like his early lyrics, the title is obscured. Peter Buck holds an Oscar Wilde collection, and that, along with a mention of Wilde in a Smiths song from the same era, "Cemetry Gates," conspired to send me to the library. Peter Buck's a tremendous reader. His Seattle home is filled with almost as many books as records. So we asked Buck to dine last week with his friend Mark Lindquist, whose music-infused novel "Never Mind Nirvana" gets like few others the profound way music can be not only a soundtrack to life but also a road map. We asked them to talk about how artists and musicians are influenced by each other. -- David Daley, Books Editor

[astrodances]

F.O.W.L. Case Files: Calling Agent X

First, huzzah for the return of DuckTales! 🥰

Second, I just want to get some theories off my chest before “The Phantom and the Sorceress!” airs, namely in regards to the Phantom Blot and co. When Disney+ dropped last year and I watched DT87 fully for the first time, the following guy stuck out to me from the Phantom Blot’s episode, “All Ducks On Deck”:

Ensign Plover, aka Agent X.

An apparent right-hand man to Admiral Grimitz in the Navy, in reality a cohort in Phantom Blot’s Operation Aardvark plan.

(The rest is under a cut)

The earliest theory note (that I haven’t seen in quite a while, but just found) for this (or any) Agent X is that they were the one sent out to (try to) sabotage the Spear of Selene (back when that theory had more life 😅), or that maybe it was the pig in the search rocket from “What Ever Happened to Della Duck?!”

There was also a different Agent X in the DT87 episode, “The Duck Who Knew Too Much.” This Agent X was a man working with Agent Gold Feather to procure the Mantis Robot to steal Scrooge’s gold. That episode featured Fenton and Gandra, and served as the inspiration for DT17 Gandra’s characterization as a scientist. Between this and the other episode, my mind was racing with ideas of who Agent X could be in DT17, and where and how they could fit into the F.O.W.L. hierarchy - with the Phantom Blot? with Gandra? as an independent agent?

With part of Season 3 now under our belts though, and what with the bits of info we’ve gotten about the Phantom Blot so far, and his official DT17 debut upon us, my theories are definitely honing in on an Agent X-Phantom Blot connection (be it in this next episode or a later one), or at the very least, that we’ll see an Agent X within F.O.W.L. Those are my main theories here.

The following are just some musings (about Agent X, the Phantom Blot, and more) based on everything we have available to us so far (minus the Phantom Blot’s comic or other animation appearances, since I haven’t gotten into those yet), since there’s nothing strong enough between them all to really grind out one cohesive theory yet beyond just Agent X showing up in some capacity:

In regards to Ensign Plover - if he specifically shows up, either as Agent X or not, he might be redesigned as the “delightful sidekick” that Frank mentioned the Phantom Blot would get?

I know a lot of people have been theorizing that either the Phantom Brat or Poe might possibly be this sidekick. To throw my own red-string-crack-theory into this particular ring, I just want to point out the following about the Ensign’s name: PlOvEr (I’m making POE stand out from his name). Do with that what you will. 😂 (Disclaimer though - that spelling of “Plover” could very well be wrong. It’s hard to hear the pronunciation in the episode, and I’ve seen a number of different spellings online. This has been the most consistent spelling I’ve seen though, so I’m going with it.)

Before we knew that Giancarlo Esposito was going to be playing the Phantom Blot and we’d gotten more info about his character, one of my possible theories was going to be that the Phantom IS Plover is disguise. But hey, perhaps Plover is still a part of his backstory?

For those who’ve seen “All Ducks On Deck” - the Phantom Blot’s lair/lab/office in the new episode (seen above; from that new interview with Giancarlo) gives me some reminiscing vibes of the Blot’s lair in that DT87 episode.

This makes me think that there’s a possibility of “Operation Aardvark” showing up. This operation in DT87 involved Plover stealing the Navy’s invisible fighter jet plane for the Phantom Blot, who would then build a whole “air force of invisible jets” as part of his master plan to take over the world. At any rate, I’m keeping my ears open for the word “aardvark,” but regarding DT17 Phantom Blot’s plans...

There are two quotes (both said by the Blot) from the DT87 episode that might be useful to keep in mind:

“One must be patient if one wants to take over the world.”

“If one expects to take over the world, one must know how to handle people.”

(He also mentions that he wants to rule the world with an iron fist, which plays well with his new DT17 gauntlet, but I digress.) These two quotes and his plan totally fit F.O.W.L.’s MO - they have definitely been playing the long game, and they have been handling Scrooge and co. like puppets for their plans to steal the world. In the above-mentioned interview with Giancarlo, he says that the Phantom Blot “hates magic and wants to take all of the magic out of the world,” which would definitely help F.O.W.L. in stealing it. As far as the “hating magic” part goes, that will probably play into the Blot’s personal motivations. The way he says, “You. It wasn’t enough.” in that clip is, for one, chilling, but I think it’s gonna bring up a dynamic between him and either Magica, Gladstone, or Lena. I’m putting my own money on that line being directed at Gladstone, given what we’ve seen of him in the clips so far, and that the following screenshot of him pulling in Webby’s axe (throwing this in there - Black Knight, anyone?) seems to be in the same scene as the second screenshot, where Gladstone is unconscious and Webby doesn’t have her axe:

(Just for completeness’ sake, here’s the promo poster with Webby holding her axe in her sleepwear, which brought me to the above possibility:)

The main point is that, whatever “wasn’t enough” might refer to some past deal or trade with Gladstone (or one of our magic-holders). (And a larger point is that this fits well into theories of F.O.W.L. agents teaming up with the organization for mutual benefit, like with Rockerduck.)

Maybe he wants to blot out phantoms of his/the past, or of history?

Anyway, this veered far from Agent X and probably lost all coherence at some point, but whatever the case may be for both him and the Phantom Blot, I’m excited to see our ducks again! 😁🥳

[songwritingswift]

folklore First Impressions

1.      the 1

I instantly loved the nostalgic feel, created by the warm and gentle production. It had gorgeous lyrics with beautiful imagery and the melody felt easy and natural; I was singing along by the end of my first listen. It was instantly a favourite.

You know the greatest films of all time were never made // You know the greatest loves of all time are over now

2.      cardigan

This one felt darker and a little more jaded with slightly more chaotic production. But it still had a warmth to it; it reminded me of a fire on a winter evening. The lyrics were detailed with more beautiful imagery.

I knew I’d curse you for the longest time

Chasing shadows in the grocery line

3.      the last great american dynasty

This one has such an expansive, detailed story and I just loved the idea of this truly shameless woman but I didn’t personally connect to the song until it flipped and the story turned personal and then I was grinning like an idiot. The production felt very fitting with the story being told and again, the detail (and wide vocabulary) made for a great song.

Who knows, if I never showed up what could’ve been

There goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen

I had a marvellous time ruining everything

I had a marvellous time

Ruining everything

4.      exile feat. Bon Iver

This is the collaboration I never knew to hope for. Bon Iver has a gorgeous voice and I just loved the two opposite sides, telling their story both in concert and over each other in a way that only intensified an already incredibly emotive song. It was an instant favourite and had me sobbing on the first listen. The lyrics were absolutely stunning and while I loved pretty much all of them, I really loved the first and final lines of the main chorus. There was just something about it that hit me square in the chest.

I think I’ve seen this film before

And I didn’t like the ending

I’m not your problem anymore

So who am I offending now?

You were my crown

Now I’m in exile seeing you out

I think I’ve seen this film before

5.      my tears ricochet

The vocals in this one were particularly gorgeous and the lyrics were gorgeous and rich, kind of reminding me of velvet and stately rooms. The story is a mystery but beautifully detailed and I’m looking forward to listening over and over again until I understand it better.

I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace

‘Cause when I’d fight, you used to tell me I was brave

And if I’m dead to you why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name

Wishing I’d stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

6.      mirrorball

I instantly loved the guitar sound and I just loved the lyrics, how fragile they were but still so full of hope for love. It had some really beautiful lyrics and somehow, the whole song – lyrics, melody, and production – sounded just like a mirror ball.

Hush

I know they said the end is near

But I’m still on my tallest tiptoes

Spinning in my highest heels, love

Shining just for you

7.      seven

I found this one a bit hard to follow but it had real character and some beautiful lyrics. I also really loved the relationship between the characters in the song.

Please picture me

In the weeds

Before I learned civility

I used to scream

Ferociously

Any time I wanted

8.      august

This one just sounded like a hazy summer day to me and the story was just so clear. The production was full and glorious and again, I loved the relationship between the two characters and the obvious complexity of their relationship, even though we don’t know who they really are or if they’re real at all.

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets

August sipped away

Like a bottle of wine

‘Cause you were never mine

9.      this is me trying

I was instantly struck by the production: thick and stunning and emotional. And I loved the reverb on the vocal and how it added to the emotion of the song. It was a favourite straight away, with gorgeous lyrics and imagery, and it was so honest and vulnerable in its simplicity. I just wanted to close my eyes and live in it. I found the rhythm of the bridge a little bit jarring but I’m sure I’ll get used to that with more listening. It seemed more real than some of the others. I’m not sure why but some of them just seemed more real.

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

At least I’m trying

10.    illicit affairs

It took me a while to get into this one – I found the verses lyrically beautifully but the rhythms tripped me up a little – but I loved the stripped back-ness of it. I loved the chorus lyrics and I adored the bridge: the pain and the fury in it were just so real, so brutally honest and vulnerable.

And you wanna scream

Don’t call me kid

Don’t call me baby

Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me

You showed me colours you know I can’t see with anyone else

Don’t call me kid

Don’t call me baby

Look at this idiotic fool that you made me

You taught me a secret language I can’t speak with anyone one else

And you know damn well

For you I would ruin myself

A million little times

11.    invisible string

I thought this one told a really lovely story with both tongue-in-cheek lyrics and beautifully sincere ones. But I didn’t like something about the production of the vocal, something that made it a little uncomfortable to listen to.

A string that pulled me

Out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar

Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire

Chains around my demons

Wool to brave the seasons

One single thread of gold tied me to you

12.    mad woman

Definitely the biggest oh-my-god of the album. I kind of wanted it to be a huge, relentless wall of sound but I think the calm, beautifully honed steel approach is probably more effective, given the subject matter (whether you believe it’s about Scott Borchetta, Scooter Braun, or Kanye West). I loved it and loved her refusal to be shamed for being angry. The lyrics were truly awesome and I loved how she went straight for the jugular, all in in an incredibly gratifying demotion.

Does she smile?

Or does she mouth, “fuck you forever?”

13.    epiphany

I found this one hard to listen to because the emotions were so raw but it was beautifully written, a stunning tribute to the people described and their stories. I cried from the first verse until long after the song finished.

With you, I serve

With you, I fall down

Down

Watch you breathe in

Watch you breathing out

Out

14.    betty

I thought this big, busy story was told really well but I didn’t really connect with the characters. I just ended up getting distracted wondering who the characters were, who the songs were about. The production also wasn’t really a style I love but the key change did make me smile.

But if I showed up at your party

Would you have me?

Would you want me?

Would tell me to go fuck myself

Or lead me to the garden?

15.    peace

This is, I think, one of the most beautiful, vulnerable, honest love songs I’ve ever heard. It reminds me of wedding vows, of all of the promises she’s willing to make but then asking him if they’re enough to outweigh the hard times. She lays everything bare and I think that’s part of what makes the song so special. The production is also simply gorgeous (even though I would’ve loved a big, glittering bridge but I get that that’s not how this genre or style seems to work). It was another real favourite and I was a puddle of tears by the end.

Our coming of age has come and gone

Suddenly this summer it’s clear

I had the courage of my convictions

As long as danger is near

And it’s just around the corner, darlin’

‘Cause it lives in me

No, I could never give you peace

16.    hoax

This one feels intricately connected to ‘peace’ somehow: a darker but still painfully honest, vulnerable love song. Having said that, I could be completely wrong. I don’t feel like I fully understand it with just one listen because there are just so many lyrics and metaphors and emotions to unpack but I’m looking forward to listening to it over and over again and sharing theories with other fans until I understand it better. But back to the song, the beautiful lyrics are only accentuated by the simple production. It ends the album on a very complex note, which isn’t something she traditionally does.

You know I left a part of me back in New York

You knew the hero died, so what’s the movie for

You knew it still hurts underneath my scars

From when they pulled me apart

[redantsunderneath]

folklore

fokalore is Taylor Swift’s Darkness on the Edge of Town – the first thing you notice about this record is the point of view(s).  The usual approach to any Swift song is to assume the subjective orientation is all her’s and then to ask, situationally, who/what/where is she singing about. Lover took this to its natural conclusion – a cultivated megalomania where her relationship to her partners and fans expand to cover the nature of America itself.  Here, however, even on a first listen, it is obvious that a number of the songs can’t be her, and on a second you start to doubt that any are.  The jump here is most analogous to the jump between Springsteen’s early career magnum opus Born to Run, which brought his epic street folk tales of his life lived in and around The City to full flower, and the southern literature infused “stories of other lives lived” of Darkness on the Edge of Town that carves out a broader American mythology from the third person and the suggestion that these are things that have resonance to his life, that none of the songs are about him but all of them together are, somehow.  The album seems tied together like something between Everything that Rises Must Converge and Visit from the Goon Squad.  

Wait, no... folklore is Taylor Swift’s Inland Empire – structure is all important in a serious TS effort, which this is.  1989’s cosine wave of relationship’s downhill slope and Kubler-Ross recovery (Fire Walk with Me’s horrific fall and redemption) and Lover’s 1st 2/3 exploration of the symbolic order ending in a crash with the last 1/3 a negotiation with the real (Mulholland Drive) give way to something rhizomal (more specifically fractal) with meaning derived from connections like a box of photos from multiple people whose stories connect in variable ways, forming a vortex of a story no individual part of which is entirely consistent with any other.  The central story, that keeps echoing around and out is of a love triangle with an infidelity that acquires a folk tale resonance and haunts everything.   This would also describe Inland Empire.

There is no dearth of online commentary on connections to her life.  She bought a mansion in Rhode Island, and last great american dynasty is about the history of the house, with its Jazz age parties and imagery, and the mad woman at the center living her party forever lifestyle. epiphany is about her grandfather’s war experiences as related to current heathcare work in the time of COVID.  Inez, James and Betty (the named characters in the central story) are the names of Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively’s daughters.  invisible string, the only definitive song from her non-hoax POV is full of allusions to her relationship with Joe Alwyn. The opening track, the 1, has been shouted from the rooftop by the Swift camp as being about “a friend” not her, which you would be hard pressed to know is you weren’t putting in the extranoematic effort.  But the core trio of songs, the most “character” based are cardigan, august, and betty, which tell the core of a story about three teenagers from each POV (the cheated on, the cheated with, and the cheater respectively), two of which have been in love for a while, who threaten to fall apart after one has a fling with a third party, and who may make it work after all. It is significantly unspecified what gender James is.

Around this swarm another group of songs that seem to apply, whether they are strictly about the same people or not.  seven seems like backstory for the triangle with some Swift specificity.  this is me trying seems like a version of an apology in the story, but with whiskey that suggests it’s happening to someone older.  illicit affairs is about the fling, but it began in expensive rooms (though it ended ended up in the mall parking lots of the core songs). mad woman serves to connect last great american dynasty to my tears ricochet (which is pointedly from the POV of the tormentor of a Swift-like figure, but she’s identifying with both) which also feels like the unnamed other woman of the main triangle’s ultimate fate. Again, no genders.

The unities are created with a few tidy motifs, threads through the work that sometimes reach back to other works.  The roaring 20s/Great Gatsby (remember This is Why We Can’t have nice things and the 4th of July parties), how “they” think the young know nothing, the hero being gone (from “the film”) so what’s the story now, parking lots, cobblestones, streetlamps, summer as a liminal frame, axes and knives, warmth for the ex that has a family now, kingdoms, cliffsides, the idea of an agitating presence being a feature-not-bug, blue referring to her boyfriend and sadness both… It’s a nice web.

What about the remaining tracks?  exile is a biblical abstraction of the broken relationship; it connects to everything (it’s the rabbit scenes from Inland Empire). mirrorball is an example of one of my favorite TS things, the song about how her “self” may not exist since she only exists as a reflective, fragmented surface (this directly contrasts to the project of the rest of the album). Epiphany is a parallel drawing of a line from the early 20th century to today, a nod to real death as a contrast to emotional death. Invisible string is the only “true” song on the album.  Peace is an attempt to put the set of ideas to bed, however uncomfortably.

But the bracketing (first and last) songs are interesting.  The album was complete, the story goes, and she wrote the two in an evening to put a parenthesis around the whole project.  On a first listen, you can’t help but ask “is this a breakup album? Are her and Joe done?”  The last song would seem to underscore this.  Seemingly written as her, she existentially wails about “your” faithless love being the only hoax she believes in. But, as is the case so often here, the identity is unclear. Is it him?  Her audience? Herself?  But the title of the song is hoax. It’s just vague enough that you can suspect it’s about the search for meaning through the process of songwriting, and that everything you’ve just heard is a lie but is still oh so true. You are prepared for this after the first song, the 1, which seems to be about her, and would act to unify the album under the umbrella of her attempt at distancing from an event at a 4thof July party (her summer parties at her RI house were legendary), but we have been repeatedly told in the press that it is in fact not about her but about a friend (Selena Gomez?).  The framing of opening with a bait and switch and ending with “hoax” calls into question the reality of everything.

Moments snap together like magnets lego.  The album is deeply retropseudonostalgic, accent on the algos. She’s sorting through other people’s stories that speak to her (that feel like a piece of her), putting on her theory of mind hat and trying to compassionately inhabit them,  and building an elaborate fantasy of heartbreak and healing that she knows people will project onto her. The gender is left fluid, and the album doesn't have lesbian overtones as much as is completely identity agnostic.  The line through mirrorball and hoax is the axis the album rotates around, producing an inversion of her obsession – instead of her subjectivity dominating to the extent that she doesn’t exist except as a conscious hologram implied by the event horizon of her public image, being cut off from the feedback loop has forced her to inhabit the perspectives of others that occupy all points in a large story in which she can see a sketch of herself from the outside.  

[tswiftconspiracist13]

The Story Behind Taylor Swift’s “Folklore” Album - Theory

I originally posted this on Reddit but I wanted to share here too (first time using tumblr so hopefully I did this right):

Basically I interpreted this album as a folk story about the history behind the last owner of her Rhode Island house (as told in three parts). I've included the song, my thoughts on how it plays into the album, and some lyrics to back it up. Let me know your thoughts!!:

Background - The story focuses on Betty Harkness and her rocky relationship with her high school sweetheart, James. It starts with an affair that destroys the rest of their lives...

The Affair

august: basically the beginning of the affair

Whispers of "Are you sure?"

"Never have I ever before"

You weren't mine to lose, oh

mirrorball: describing details of things they did

I'll show you every version of yourself tonight

Hush, when no one is around, my dear/You'll find me on my tallest tip-toe

betty: return to the school year (it’s senior year for them) and James finds out Betty knows about the affair and tries to apologize

About why you switched your homeroom but/I think it's 'cause of me

The worst thing that I ever did/Was what I did to you

If I told you it was just a summer thing?/I'm only seventeen, I don't know anything

cardigan: betty’s reaction to the affair, she doesn’t take it well

Chase two girls, lose the one

When you are young, they assume you know nothing

Peter losing Wendy, I/I knew you/Leavin' like a father

illicit affair: the mistress is recounting the affair from her point of view

Make sure nobody sees you leave

What started in beautiful rooms/Ends with meetings in parking lots

So you leave no trace behind

exile: Betty and James singing to one another as Betty officially ends their relationship

I'm not your problem anymore

We always walked a very thin line

I think I've seen this film before/And I didn't like the ending

the 1: Betty has told herself she is over James and is trying to move on

And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow/And it's alright now

It would've been you/But it would've been fun/If you would've been the one

You know the greatest loves of all time are over now

____________

James’ Arch

this is me trying: James has been desperately trying to make things right with Betty but it’s not working, at this point, it seems that they've graduated high school

I've been having a hard time adjusting

I have a lot of regrets about that

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

peace: James realizes that the only way for both him and Betty to find peace is to leave town, so he joins the army (keep in mind if this story aligns with Taylor's life, we can assume that the story of Betty & James took place early-mid 1900s so I would say around World War 2 time)

Our coming-of-age has come and gone/Suddenly this summer, it's clear

But I would die for you in secret

Sit with you in the trenches

epiphany: James dies in battle

Keep your helmet, keep your life, son/Just a flesh wound, here's your rifle

With you I serve, with you I fall down, down

Just one single glimpse of relief/To make some sense of what you've seen

my tears ricochet: James’ funeral

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

hoax: Betty goes crazy after not being able to process James’ death

This has broken me down/My twisted knife

Stood on the cliffside screaming, "Give me a reason"

My kingdom come undone

____________

Aftermath

mad woman: Betty leaves town and moves to Rhode Island

What a shame she went mad/No one likes a mad woman/You made her like that

Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy

*Context for her moving to Rhode Island comes from tlgad

seven: Taylor Swift is born in Pennsylvania and experiences her childhood

But I, I was high in the sky/With Pennsylvania under me

Sweet tea in the summer

Passed down like folk songs (basically saying this whole album is a folk story about the history of her Rhode Island house)

the last great american dynasty: Betty is now deceased and Taylor buys the Rhode Island home that Betty lived in

Rebekah (Betty) gave up on the Rhode Island set forever

There goes the most shameless woman this town has ever seen/She had a marvelous time ruining everything

Fifty years is a long time/Free of women with madness, their men and bad habits/And then it was bought by me

invisible string: Taylor is talking about her adult life now. Also a reference to how she and Betty/James are all unknowingly connected

I used to think I would meet somebody there

All along there was some/Invisible string/Tying you to me?

Additional Background: Rebekah Harkness, the lady who actually owned the Rhode Island house before Taylor, went by "Betty". So the idea of Betty being Rebekah and owning the house prior to Taylor checks out!!

What’re your guys’ thoughts??

@taylorswift @taylornation