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thedaughersofferrix · 1 year

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Birthdays

(work is not nsfw, but this blog is generally intended to be 18+)

synopsis: cal forgets about his birthday. you don't.

pairing: cal kestis x gn! reader

content warnings: pining, fluff, reader is a jedi

word count: 1.5k

a/n: something short and sweet to say happy jedi survivor release everybody. game looks amazing & i'm so happy to see cal again. might be a part 2, but i'm not sure atm

if cal kestis has a million fans, then i'm one of them. if cal kestis has one fan, then i'm them. if cal kestis has no fans, that means i'm dead.

Cal decided that fighting the Empire would be a priority in his life five years ago.

After he destroyed the holocron so the force-sensitive children in the galaxy could live in peace, that was his vow.

The Mantis crew got to work; blowing up Haxion Brood bases and wiping out legions of stormtroopers at a time. The fight thrilled him and every battle only left him in anticipation of the next.

It got to the point where he struggled to think of anything but the fight. Every thought was the next move, their wrongs and the perpetrators. The scars, the injuries and the losses continued and Cal never wavered.

He knew it was an obsession, but he just couldn’t help it. It was a need, etched into his soul and a part of his identity. His was Cal Kestis. The rebel Jedi, the most wanted man in the Empire. And the most dangerous.

Then he met you.

Well, he met you again, because he’d met you years ago, back when the temple on Coruscant was a Jedi temple. When Master Tapal was alive and little Cal’s mind couldn’t even fathom an Empire taking everything from him.

You’d been his crèche-mate and friend, long before either of you had been padawans.

In between lessons, you would spar or lounge in the dining hall, where most of the other younglings liked to loiter. He formed a puppy-love crush on you that made his Master chuckle. It’s only natural, Cal. The feelings will fade with time. He has half-right, Cal supposes.

He remembers vividly the last time he saw you when he and Master Tapal were minutes away from loading onto a cruiser with their clone troops. Thinking back, he’s embarrassed by how hesitant he was to leave you.

Don’t get all sentimental about this, you told him wisely. We’ll see each other when we get back.

It was so hard to tell himself you were dead.

Cal Kestis was the last living Jedi, fighting against the Empire that deemed his kind a traitor and punished them for crimes they never committed.

You had died, so had your master and so had everyone else he once knew. That had been difficult for him to accept.

Merrin and Cere understood the pain and that helped, at times. Though sometimes he didn’t want to understand. He wanted to see you, feel your arms embracing him and hear your voice in his ear. He didn’t talk about you to them though. He wanted something for himself, a little what-if to hold on to during the nights he felt particularly melancholic.

Then came his trip to Segra Milo, to speak with Saw Gerrera about his next move.

By that point, the Partisans recognised him on sight and offered him only a nod of acknowledgement when he passed by.

There you were, in all your glory. Older, a bit more rough around the edges (like himself) and even more attractive than you’d been about nine years ago.

When the two of you locked eyes and time bowed at your feet, to allow you both this moment of silent disbelief.

“Cal?” you had whispered. He whispered your name back and you smiled widely.

You embraced him like he had been so desperate for you to do. And he heard your voice, the one that had previously only reached him in dreams.

“I thought you died,” you told him.

“I thought you died,” he said, in a single breath. Emotion threatened to explode from his chest until Saw Gerrera cleared his throat.

“I hate to break up this lover’s reunion,” he said. “But we do have a war to fight.”

“Tonight,” you whispered into his ear and he felt like a padawan with a crush again.

Sure enough, the two of you made a rendezvous under the moonlight. The cavernous, dangerous terrain of Segra Milo felt so inviting that night.

You explained to him that you and your master had been ambushed by your own troopers. You and your master were separated when they received the orders and by luck, you weren’t the one in a room full of clones. Quietly you found an escape pod and left for the nearest planet. You cut your padawan braid and disassembled your lightsaber on the same day. The kyber crystal that powered it hung from your neck, hidden behind layers of clothing.

“One day I watched them string up a man for dropping his drink on a trooper's foot,” you recalled to him. “They claimed he had done it as an act of civil disobedience and that it was anti-Imperial activity. I rebuilt my lightsaber and started looking for the Rebellion the same day.”

You were the same person he remembered, only better. Now you were stronger and smarter, without losing your humanity.

The next day, you were separated again. You were travelling to Devaron to provide the Partisans there with support. He tried to go with you, but you sagely reminded him of the danger of two Jedi being found together.

You exchanged comm links the night prior and hugged tightly before you boarded your ship and he the Mantis. It reminded him of the one you gave him before what he thought had been your demise. He prayed he wouldn’t have to remember this hug the same way.

“Until next time, Cal,” you said, hopeful and bright.

“Until then,” he replied, leaving you with a smile.

The next time he saw you, he thinks he might have hugged you tighter than he’d ever hugged anyone.

There had been a next time, he thought. There could be another one.

And there was. In fact, there had been many next times. He couldn’t count on his hands how many times he had gotten to see you. On the good days, you spoke and drank together. On the days, you fought and mourned together. But you were together and it was so much easier than it had been before.

Recently he’d probably gone the longest without seeing you, which made him realise the effect you had on him.

The Empire was still are the forefront of his mind, almost always. It consumed his actions and words. Slowly but surely, however, you had been weaselling your way into an important position in his life.

He didn’t care about the Empire when he was looking at you and he may as well have not met an Inquisitor when he’s hearing your laugh. You were there and he didn’t need to think about any of that.

Then, when the gap you filled was empty again with your departure, he was consumed by the need to fight once more.

He forewent sleep and food, only collapsing when his body refused to preserve and eating when the hunger pangs came. Fight, fight, fight, was all he could think about. It never really occurred to him to celebrate his victories or even do simple things, like check the date.

But you returned to him again and reminded him of what he was missing.

“A win like this is worth sitting down for,” you insisted, sitting beside him at the fire. “Besides, today is special.” His brow furrowed.

“What’s today?” he asked you, which made you laugh, loud and beautiful.

“You can’t be serious, Cal.”

“I am! What’s today?”

“Cal,” you sighed. “It’s your birthday.”

His mind went blank as the gears started to turn. “Oh,” was what he came up with. You laughed at him again.

“Did you really forget?” you asked him.

“I haven’t celebrated it in years,” he admitted and you frowned, making him wish he lied. He hated it when you frowned, though you did make a cute face when you were angry.

“Well we’ll have to make up for that, won’t we?” you announced, standing from your seat and downing your drink. “Stay here for a second.” He nodded and you slipped away.

You returned not long after, with something behind your back.

“Close your eyes,” you instructed. He looked at you curiously. “Just do it.” His eyes fell shut. He heard you shuffling and muttering something to BD-1. “Put out your hands.” He open one palm and pushed it toward you. “Both of them.” He opened the other. He felt a weight in his left hand, then in his right.

“Open.”

Cal was greeted by a cupcake in his left hand and a multitool in his left.

“I tried to find a cake, but apparently Devaronians aren’t very fond of them,” you explained. “And this,” you pointed to the multitool. “I bought this for you back on Corellia, but you were gone before I could give it to you. It’s got everything you need to keep Beedee in working order.” BD-1 chirped happily at that.

Cal was starstruck. He hadn’t experienced softness like this since before the Clone Wars. Suddenly his chest felt fuzzy and his face was hot.

“Thank you,” he managed. “No problem,” you answered breezily.

He shared some of the cupcake with you, but you insisted he had to eat at least seventy per cent of it. The multitool found a place on his belt, though with the amount of combat he saw, he’d be using it soon.

You sat beside him at the fire on his birthday and Cal Kestis felt hope again in a way like he’d never felt before. Hope for not just the present, but the future.

#cal kestis #cal kestis x reader #cal kestis x you #cal kestis x y/n #star wars x reader #star wars jedi: survivor #star wars #star wars fanfiction

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sasquapossum · 6 months

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On my mind: why has there been such an increase in adulation and loyalty toward obviously defective people like Trump and Musk? Have people become more gullible than they were when I was younger? Seems unlikely. We internalized all sorts of stupid shit too, but it wasn't so focused on personalities. Then it struck me: the problem is that we've lost faith in institutions and personalities are what's left. Consider...

Politicians: believe it or not, we used to trust that they were at least sane and working generally for some vision of public good, even when we disagreed. Not since Nixon, Reagan, Dubya, etc.

Journalists: we used to trust them to report the facts in a reasonably objective way, even when that isn't necessarily what they were doing. Then came Fox and that all went out the window.

TV/radio media became all about engagement, a form of entertainment, not actual reporting. Now it's all podcasts and TikTok or YouTube, but basically same. There are some who believe one particular favorite speaks the truth, but few who would say these folks in general are trustworthy.

Print media failed in a different way, partly by being partisans for the establishment (e.g. NYT and the Iraq war) but mostly by totally missing the boat on going online. They could have agreed on a single shared subscription or micropayment system, but they each had to be greedy with their own paywalls etc. So their lunch got eaten by social media (who bear their own share of blame for eroding trust), and the press got even more unhinged about it.

Science, engineering, academe: we used to believe promises about new miracle materials, chemicals, drugs, etc. Even before anti-vaccine lunacy became a thing, a long string of disasters - microplastics, DDT, thalidomide - changed that.

Unions: they've experienced a resurgence very recently, but that's almost a "dead cat bounce" after being moribund for decades. Some people would blame Reagan and PATCO. I think the collapse of major union-heavy industries - auto, steel, mining - had more to do with it, but the result was the same.

I could go on - there's a whole other post I could write about the mixed role of churches in this context - but you get the idea. The fact that in many cases there were good reasons to withdraw our trust doesn't change the fact that such a general withdrawal creates a vacuum which we've filled with hero worship instead. That's where people like Musk and Trump come from.

Here's the kicker: it's not an accident. Undermining trust in institutions has been part of the authoritarian playbook since forever. Julius Caesar is the earliest example that most people would be familiar with, hence the silly illustration, but the phenomenon goes back much further than that. Creating that vacuum is central to authoritarian strategy. Remember Reagan's "nine most terrifying words"? Some people think of that as a libertarian statement but, with the so-called Moral Majority and various militia groups (then as now galvanized by immigration) behind him, that misses the mark. It was part of an authoritarian strategy, demeaning the administrative state and permanent civil service (i.e. institutions) in favor of raw executive power (i.e. personalities).

I'm all for unions, co-ops, mutual aid, etc. but they can't stand alone. Never have. Without a government enforcing rules (including against itself), anarchy will always evolve toward autocracy. If you think the role of government should be minimized, then congratulations, you're part of the Reagan Left ... or worse. A red hat with a hammer and sickle on it is still a red hat. You are effectively supporting authoritarianism whether you mean to or not. Also, since there's no significant left-authoritarian element in US politics - no Stalin or Mao and thank FSM for that - that means you're supporting right-authoritarians. You should stop, especially if you're a member of a group that would suffer most under such a regime.

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odinsblog · 1 year

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False Equivalence

Why does the mainstream media keep depicting lunatic-right Republicans and normal Democrats as equidistant from the center?

With the final passage of the debt ceiling deal, Democrats got off easier than one might have expected, given that it was a deal between a mainstream Democratic president and a Republican House in thrall to the lunatic far right. In drastic contrast to the scorched-earth budget bill initially passed by the Republican-controlled House, the cuts were about par for the course in a divided government; and they spare the country a repeat of this debt-hostage ordeal for two years.

However, much of the media played the agreement as a compromise between two equal extremes. The New York Times story about the House passage of the deal included this astonishing sentence: "With both far-right and hard-left lawmakers in revolt over the deal, it fell to a bipartisan coalition powered by Democrats to push the bill over the finish line, throwing their support behind the compromise in an effort to break the fiscal stalemate that had gripped Washington for weeks."

Think about that for a moment. There is no doubt that Matt Gaetz, Elise Stefanik, Lauren Boebert, Paul Gosar et al. are far-right by any definition, as white supremacists, Christian nationalists, election deniers, and nihilists on fiscal policy.

But no Democrats in the House can fairly be described as hard left. Those who voted against the deal included moderate liberals such as Joaquin Castro, mainstream progressives like Rosa DeLauro and Jan Schakowsky, as well as self-described democratic socialists including Cori Bush and AOC. But none of them are "hard left," which suggests anti-democratic, any more than Franklin Roosevelt was hard left.

The Times coverage reinforces a narrative of false equivalence that the media keeps repeating, with lazy catchphrases like "partisan bickering." It also plays into the hands of corrupt No Labels and Third Way types, who promote the idea that the best course for the republic is to split the difference between neofascists and a normal mainstream Democratic Party and president.

Big media, obsessed as it is with the appearance of fair and balanced coverage, took years to give itself permission to accurately describe Donald Trump with the impolite word "liar." But its treatment of the two parties as in any sense symmetrical is far more insidious than using euphemisms to characterize Trump’s lies.

Our friend Peter Dreier, whose observations inspired this post, points out that by any reasonable definition, "even the most left-oriented Democrats (AOC, Bush, Bowman, Raskin, Jayapal) are not extremists. They are shades of social democrats. They are pro-union, pro-choice, pro-affirmative action, pro-LGBT equality, pro-Green New Deal, pro-progressive taxation. But the most right-wing Republicans are extremists and reactionaries."

(continue reading)

#politics #false equivalencies #false narratives #media bias #both sides journalism #republicans #the media is complicit #false neutrality #third way #no labels #3rd way

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sniperct · 2 months

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What does strategic voting look like in the US?

For starters, the Republican party has been completely consumed by the MAGAs. They are the Nazis. We kick the nazis out and keep them out of power, period.

Presidential Ticket - Vote Blue

Senate/US House - Vote Blue. If we want any of the things biden has promised to do and to keep the good things he's already done we need both houses

(Unless you're in vermont or maine then vote for your independent as they're already in the senate and caucus with dems) ATM I don't believe there's any viable independent running in the US House, at least any that lean left, and even then, we want to keep republicans from power. So vote blue.

State Legislatures - This requires more research. Generally you want to vote blue (see how good Michigan has had it since they took the trifecta), but check who's running. If the Dem is a shoe-in, check the third parties and see if any of them align more closely to you. If the Dem is not a shoe in, vote Dem. If you're unsure how viable the third party is, vote dem.

Local races - this is where voting third party might actually make a difference! But make sure you research their platforms and policies. Lots of third parties in the US are right-wing and nationalistic and aren't obvious about it. Don't automatically assume the greens or another left-wing party will actually do some good either. Look at what they're planning and what they're doing to try to actually govern. And the same caveat applies as to the state level - if its a tight race between a dem and a republican, vote dem, not third party. The damage the republicans have done at the local level for decades is already enough.

In all of this, if your only option is republicans? Figure out which is the least bad, hold your nose, and vote for that one. If they're all bad, that's definitely a good place for a protest vote, and in the next election try to pressure people to run against them.

There are also ballot measures. Look them up! Research them! See what dems say, see what republicans say. Read them carefuly, a lot of bad measures are misleadingly worded to make them look good. Do your homework!

The same goes for 'non partisan' positions. Judges, treasurers, etc. Look up the people running, find statements they've made, figure out which one is the least bad or leans left and not right. This part is a lot harder. For judges you can often find out who endorsed them. I once found a list of judges endorsed by a hate group, which was useful as a handy guide on who NOT to vote for.

#US Politics #voting

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batsplat · 2 months

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Jerez 2006

[It] was certainly within the four walls of that gym, between rep after rep on different muscle groups, that the 'LorenShow' was born. There was a time when only Rossi used to put on a show, but even that has become a rare event. 'Now he only does it on certain occasions,' says Jorge. 'The World Championship was losing a bit of sparkle. Other riders were trying things but they weren't funny, especially in 125cc. There was a time when Melandri tried to imitate Rossi but he never managed to make it as funny.' Jorge had been thinking for a long time about how he could offer his fans something extra after a win. A lot of people saw him as too serious, but he wanted to show that he cared about them, that he enjoyed what he did and that he was affable and good humoured, as well as imaginative. He needed an ingenious plan because he had a clear objective: to celebrate the World Championship title in style. 'We wanted to do it in style, go mad,' recalls Dani Palau. That seemed a long way off, back in the summer of 2006, but once the crises of Turkey, Shanghai and Le Mans were behind him the dream of beating Andrea Dovizioso was alive again.

Strictly speaking, the first episode of the 'LorenShow' was at the Spanish GP in 2006. It was his first victory in the 250cc class and Jorge got off his bike, took off his helmet and started shouting at the fans. 'It was pretty spectacular and it was the first time we used the word "LorenShow",' he recalls. 'Palau and I used to put together a ten-page magazine of our own after each Grand Prix and on the front cover of that particular edition we put a photo of my celebrations and the headline [in English] "Welcome to the LorenShow!" That was awesome, really different. I have always been creative and I fancied doing something special after I won, so I decided to give it a try!' The design of the magazine, by the way, was similar to GQ. 'Well, not similar exactly. We kind of copied it! We were worried about getting into trouble for copying it but I hope they don't hit us with a lawsuit now ... it was only for us!' he laughs.

March 2007

After his victory at Losail Jorge pretended to skip like a boxer, as he'd done for so many hours in the gym with Marcos. It was a spontaneous, intuitive celebration and an early turning point for his season. After such a morale-boosting performance during and after the race, why not celebrate all his victories from now on? 'In Qatar I did the skipping-rope thing but I never thought that in the future I'd be using props to celebrate my victories!' The preparation that went into each episode of 'LorenShow' was a simple but elaborate process. Generally the original idea would come from Jorge and, often with the help of his computer, Palau would fill in the details. It became something of a team effort at Motorsport48, where almost everybody began to join in the fun. Everybody except the boss: Dani Amatriain kept his distance. He didn't like or dislike the celebrations but he preferred to leave them to Jorge as a bit of innocent fun. Out of the blue came another idea, this time from Marcos. Once again, it was an idea born in the gym. 'You are a warrior. You have to reclaim the championship, right? But what kind of a conqueror doesn't have a flag?' Jorge's eyes began to twinkle. 'It has to be something really visual,' Jorge told Palau, taking on the idea. 'Imagine that in each race I stick a flag into the ground, as if I have conquered that land. Like Christopher Columbus when he arrived in America!' The design process was short, with Jorge's X-fuera logo the obvious choice, set on a black background - the colour used by pirates. And written in English, so that it would be understood all over the world, not just in Spain, would be those now famous words: 'Lorenzo's Land'.

The day of its first unfurling soon arrived. It was the Spanish Grand Prix at Jerez, known as 'The Cathedral' by local fans. Dani Palau headed for partisan territory - the section of track that features the 'Angel Nieto' and 'Peluqui' corners, where he would meet his friend if he won the race. 'I had goosebumps. You should have heard the noise from the crowd when Jorge stopped!' he recalls. There were 140,000 people packed into the grandstands at Jerez that day and they had been treated to an outstanding 250cc race: 'la carrera de los cuarenta y dos adelantamientos' ['the race with forty two overtakes']. Jorge Lorenzo savoured the moment. As he had done in 2006, he removed his helmet, got off his bike and punched the air to celebrate his second victory at Jerez. Then the flag appeared by his side. He took it and drove it deep into the gravel. Jerez had been conquered, the first circuit to be claimed as 'Lorenzo's Land'. A few weeks later he won again, in China, and again he planted the flag. However, unlike Jerez, this victory was his first in Shanghai. Nobody was going to stop him now.

"Now what's happening with Lorenzo? Oh, he's going to plant the flag, I think. Here we go! Or he's going to throw the flag. He's going to do something, but, eh... All the script we have in front of us, all the timings, goes out of the window when Lorenzo wins a 250cc race... so you can just, rustle up your papers, any scripts you've got, what's coming up next, disappears, because he delays everything. There we are. Plants the flag..."

Le Mans 2007

Lorenzo, who designs his own logos and comes up with fun things like the pirate flag he sticks in the sand at the circuit where he wins to "announce to everyone" that he has conquered "that land" , says that preparing for these celebrations is just another way of coping with the hard training he does and, above all, having the best time possible. "Looking for ideas for the parties I have at the circuits encourages me to win ," he said yesterday after his excellent victory over Dovizioso.

The Mallorcan, who did not hesitate to admit his mistake on a line and apologize to Dovi for the push he had given him ( "I'm very sorry, I went out too wide on a curve, I wanted to regain verticality too soon, get back on the right line and I crashed into him" ), yesterday came up with nothing better than to dress up his soulmate, Dani Palau, as Jorge Lorenzo, with whom he shares the entertainment of festive designs and games. Palau appeared on the lap of glory and tried to get his two-and-a-half-litre Aprilia and, as they had agreed, Lorenzo told him to go away, that the bike was his and that he was the owner of the winning machine. "We wanted to make a joke, implying that the double, which was him, Dani, represented the Lorenzo who had fallen on Friday and that the real one, that is, myself, was the one who had won the race."

Mugello 2007

Jorge was coming up with more ideas for celebrations than he could use, and that was probably a good thing because some of them would have got him into more trouble than they were worth. Like the one that involved him wearing an Andrea Dovizioso mask. 'We've still got the mask but Andrea would have had to do something really bad to me to warrant getting it out ... though he'd better ‘watch it!' smiles Jorge. Another one that failed to get past the ideas stage was for Valencia, the final race of 2007. Jorge had already claimed the title and, after being criticised all year for using the 'Lorenzo's Land' flag instead of the Spanish one, planned to go completely over the top, using not only the Spanish flag but dressing up' as a bullfighter. Maybe it was a good thing he only managed seventh. The celebrations he did get to use became ever more elaborate and meticulously planned. He would scour the circuit for the best comer, with the best camera angle and the best view for the fans. Jorge had decided that each celebration should have something to do with the country he was in, and in Italy a friend, Jordi Ohva, who worked for Dorna [the commercial and television rights holders for MotoGP] gave him an idea. 'In Italy they've nicknamed you "Spaniard". The commentator on Italian television has started calling you that.''"Spaniard"? Why?''Because you are like a gladiator and that's what they call the main character played by Russell Crowe in the movie Gladiator.' Maximus Decimus Meridius was a Roman general born in Merida, Spain. He lived in the second century and since this was the second year of domination by a Spaniard in the 250cc class then what better way for Lorenzo to celebrate victory in the Italian GP than by dressing up as his namesake? 'In fact, the idea of doing something historical came after watching 300 with Marcos,' explains Jorge, 'We watched the film again with Palau, the three of us talked about it and we decided we wanted to do something related to the Battle of Thermopylae. It was while we were looking for a King Leonidas suit that we came across a Gladiator outfit. That coincided with me finding out what [Italian television commentator] Guido Meda was calling me.' The wheels were quickly put in motion. like any good media relations manager, Pere Gurt sourced an exact replica of the costume worn by Russell Crowe in the film, which was owned by an agency in Madrid. It cost 600 euros a week to rent and the sword was extra. It was kept in a corner of the garage at Mugello, where Dani Palau devoutly guarded it from the inquisitive eyes of journalists who were already wondering what Lorenzo had up his sleeve if he won this one. On race day Palau headed for the comer where they'd agreed to meet if a miracle should happen. Jorge was starting from 20th on the grid, but he still had his sights set on victory. Everybody knows what happened next. On the big screens around the circuit, Palau watched his friend slide into the gravel after colliding with Bautista. He jumped onto his scooter and raced to fetch him, sword, breastplate, helmet, 'Lorenzo's Land' flag and all. The Italian fans spotted the props and, despite Jorge's popularity there, Dani could hear them laughing and shouting insults. The mediocre can be unforgiving when a winner falls from his perch. 'The preparations were perfect, but unfortunately the race wasn't!'

Catalunya 2007

You have to be very confident in your abilities to appear on the starting grid, having previously asked two friends to dress like you, to wait for you at a strategic point during the lap of honour and to take out some guitars so you can emulate your favourite band in front of 112,600 spectators. That was how Jorge Lorenzo celebrated his fifth victory of the season at Montmeló, giving a concert on the track and another one off it, microphone in hand, as a tribute to the Red Hot Chili Peppers and to make up for his fall at Mugello a week ago. This time, the Mallorcan needed two stunt doubles at his side for his performance, and those who dressed as him were Dani Palau, his webmaster and the same one he used at Le Mans, and Ricard Cardús, a CEV driver and Carlos' nephew.

Looking back on his performance, it could be said that the most critical moment was the start, when Thomas Luthi had taken the lead on the first corner. 'Por Fuera' did not back down, he lived up to his nickname and made an epic outside turn. That was the only thing that really cost him, or so it seemed from the sidelines, because he later said that it had been a difficult race. Maybe he said that because he still had in mind the blunder in Italy, that fall on the last corner when Álvaro Bautista overtook him. Whatever the reason, he was exultant and at the end of the podium ceremony he dared to take the speaker's microphone to address the public. "Did you enjoy the show?" he asked from the top of the podium. And he continued: "I know that some of you liked me and others didn't, but I don't care. You are Spanish like me and I love you! Thank you."

The trio completed a recce of Montmelo on Thursday and Friday and performed a rehearsal at the corner of choice, in front of the stadium section. I told them, "When we're playing here, I want you to jump around like the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Go on YouTube, have a look at the videos and learn the dance moves," ' recalls Jorge. 'But the bastards ignored me!' For one magic moment Jorge, Dani and Ricky were no longer Lorenzo, Palau and Cardus. They weren't even three Lorenzos, dancing and singing like maniacs in front of 100,000 people. They were Anthony Kiedis, Flea and John Frusciante. Only Chad Smith was missing on drums, otherwise they would have been the real Chilis. 'I wanted there to be four of us, like the real Chilis, and I was going to ask Ricky's older brother Jordi to join in but there weren't any more leathers in my size. Also, getting a drum kit onto the track would have been a nightmare!'

Donington, Assen, Sachsenring 2007

After Catalunya came the British GP and before travelling there they went to dinner with a racing friend, Xavi Ledesma - the owner of the Fortuna Team hospitality unit and one of Jorge's closest friends in 2005, as well as being the organiser of the Copa Aprilia when he first started racing Xavi told them that the tradition in England was to drink tea in the afternoon. No sooner said than done. They went out and bought a tea tray, complete with teapot, cups and spoons. Palau planned to sit at a table at the Melbourne Loop, dressed as a waiter in a tuxedo and crash helmet. All Jorge had to do was turn up, rest his feet and have a drink. Oh, and win the race. Unfortunately, the final and most crucial part of the plan started to go wrong in the warm-up because, as is well known, rain is as traditional at Donington as tea. Despite the heavy downpour, Jorge produced a great performance - he was having the best wet race of his career. 'Shall I go out or not?' thought Dani halfway through the race. His buddy was running in second place behind Dovizioso. He had to have faith. 'If you have any doubt, something is bound to go wrong,' says Jorge. 'Whenever I have felt sure I would win I have won, but if there has been any kind of doubt I've lost, come second, or something has happened. That is what the brain is like.' And just as Palau made his mind up and went to load up the scooter with props, Jorge hit the deck. That was one cuppa that was hard to swallow. Jorge's next celebration was enjoyed by the Spanish fans, although it was on a Saturday rather than a Sunday. The Dutch are a bit different in everything, even their racing, and since 1949 the TT at Assen has always taken place on a Saturday. Jorge knew exactly what he was going to do if he won. He wanted to copy the thousands of locals by riding a pushbike. They rehearsed their routine at two or three different comers. 'This place is best. How far will you ride the bike? Will you be able to cycle in boots?' Every minute detail was taken care of. 'We'd practised in that area where Valentino sat when he won the MotoGP race, the bit that looks like a target. I was going to leave my Aprilia and the pushbike would be in the middle of the circle. We thought of it before Rossi!' Suddenly, he changed his mind. On his return to the pit garage he realised that there was a stage, all set up right next to the track, because just by the final chicane that leads into the start-finish straight there is a VIP terrace. It was the perfect place - and not only that, there was a television camera directly opposite.

'We could sit down and have a drink,' Jorge told Dani. The fact he'd missed out on his cup of tea at Donington a few days earlier still irked him, so it was all hands on deck. The owners of the terrace had to be consulted and asked for permission. Initially they weren't too keen because there are no fences there and it is easy for people to get out and access pit lane. For that reason, a huge deposit has to be paid to hire the area, which the circuit organisers retain if there are any problems. In the end they realised it was a Lorenzo celebration and they went along with it. This time Jorge backed up his plans with a dominant victory. However, having left his bike propped against the fence before climbing over the tyre wall and on to the terrace, he was swamped by punters taking photographs and the television cameras lost him in the melee. 'On top of that, the bar owner was a complete opportunist and he got a bunch of people to hold up an advertisement! It was a disaster.' Even though not much could be seen on the television, it was clear that Jorge's double had returned and that they'd gone to have a drink together. But why? Jorge was happy to provide the answer in pare ferme. 'After the crash at Donington, somebody [Dovizioso] had suggested I was getting nervous. So I sipped on a herbal tea.' Some time later Dani Palau insisted that the initial idea was to drink a glass of water but, as at Le Mans, Jorge was thinking on his feet and he was eager to hit back at Dovizioso. 'Sometimes that happens to me. I get really good ideas on the spur of the moment. Other times I really have to think things through for them to work out. But sometimes I get a flash of inspiration.'

Jorge finished fourth in Germany but there were no plans for a celebration even if he'd won. He was worried about the joke wearing thin. 'You have to keep people guessing. It is good to have an element of the unexpected. If we did it every time it wouldn't be funny any more. The truth is that I like things to be complete and maybe I would have continued the celebrations race after race but I let them convince me. It was good to have a break.' The summer holidays were approaching and they wanted to leave the fans gagging for more. To be fair, I have to say that I can't always put on a big celebration because I need helpers and Palau didn't come to every race. For the ones outside Europe we had a much smaller group.' There were no celebrations in the Czech Republic either, but this time for a different reason. Nobody at Motorsport48 was in the mood for a party. Dani Amatriain's assistant, Esther Serra, had just lost her brother, Marc. Jorge won but conducted a silent parade of his now obligatory 'Lorenzo's Land' flag in honour of the family. 'The problem with the celebrations is that it gets harder and harder to come up with something original, with meaning, that isn't just plain stupid,' says Jorge. 'Ideas are finite. We had something planned for Portugal but I'd prefer to keep it to myself - I might use it in the future. We also wanted to do something with animals but are they allowed on the track? We planned to get Datil, my mum's dog, a set of made-to-measure leathers but imagine if we brought him out and he had a shit on the track! That'd cause a scene!' Jorge fell about laughing as his imagination took over. 'It's a shame Marcos doesn't come to more races because we could dress him up as Shrek! Ha, ha!'

Misano 2007

From that moment on, Jorge defended his first place, riding alone and maintaining a calm margin over the second, who ended up being the Japanese Aoyama, after first catching his teammate Kallio, who fell next, and then Héctor Barberá, who added his third podium of the year. Lorenzo is now 50 points ahead and celebrated by doing a lap of honour dressed as a Roman gladiator. De Angelis is second after finishing a disappointing fifth in what was his Grand Prix.

Jorge toyed with the idea of wearing his new outfit [the gladiator costume he had been mocked for at Mugello] if he won at the GP of Catalunya but eventually decided that revenge is a dish best served cold and it was better to wait. The season would give him plenty of opportunities to settle the score and the Italian fans would have no choice but to bow down before him like a Roman general. Every great film has unforgettable lines that are often repeated by film buffs. This one from Gladiator suited Jorge down to the ground. My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius . . . commander of the armies of the north . . . general of the Felix Legions . . . loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius . . . father to a murdered son ... husband to a murdered wife ... and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next. 'What a well-chosen phrase!' Lorenzo must have thought. Italy owed him one and he was going back to collect his dues. It wasn't to be in that first race on Italian soil, but he was determined to get his revenge in the second. He rented the outfit again, waving goodbye to another 600 euros, but this wasn't about the money. This was a question of honour. He didn't know the circuit, because there hadn't been a GP there since 1993, and although he had visited Misano once, when he'd signed for Derbi in 2002, he was only 15 then and not old enough to actually ride. None of that mattered now, because he went out and won. And on top of that, Dovizioso broke down. Jordi Perez and Cheni Martinez raced out onto the track to dress their man. They'd already discussed with Race Direction and the television directors where the best place would be for the celebration in terms of safety and maximum exposure. Jorge didn't want to take the outfit off - not when he stepped on to the podium, or when he sprayed the champagne. He even kept it on for the press conference. He clearly wanted to recoup his investment, but above all he wanted to enjoy the moment. He felt like the king of the world. ' "Now THAT was legendary," Guido Meda told me.' "

Sepang 2007

Dovizioso responded to remain in Lorenzo’s slipstream as the duo were caught by KTM team-mates Hiroshi Aoyama and Mika Kallio, plus Hector Barbera. The five battled until the penultimate lap when Dovizioso’s wafer-thin title hopes were ended as Mika Kallio took him out in an out-braking move. Hiroshi Aoyama inherited the lead and kept it to the flag from Barbera and Lorenzo. As Kallio remounted to finish fourth ahead of Tomas Luthi, Andrea Dovizioso remounted to cross the line eleventh. Meanwhile Jorge Lorenzo was celebrating keeping the 250cc world championship in a boxer’s gold-coloured gown and gloves, and picking up a fake championship belt in parc ferme.

Jorge won his second 250cc World Championship at the Malaysian Grand Prix with one race to spare, to top off an outstanding 2007 season. And what better way to celebrate in style than by looking way back to the very first race of the year in Qatar, when Jorge recovered the 'eye of the tiger'? His antics in 2007 had made him the leading contender for the title of paddock showman left vacant by Valentino Rossi in a season when the Italian had little to celebrate. It's clear by now that Jorge is up for a challenge and a second 250cc World Championship title was enough of an excuse for him to stake his claim, as the leading heavyweight in 'motorshowbusiness'. On this occasion it wasn't actually one of his own ideas, but he made it his own as soon as it left the lips of Marcos Hirsch. Having started the season training like Rocky Balboa and trying to recover the 'eye of the tiger', he took the title in Malaysia (coincidentally a country the famous Italian novelist Emilio Salgari referred to as the 'land of the tigers' ) and there was only one way to celebrate - as the new CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOORLD! That box in the corner of the garage at Plulhp Island contained a story all of its own. Jorge and Marcos's initial idea was to set up a boxing match between the two of them, in which Jorge would knock Marcos out. The idea was that I had to beat a heavyweight. And boy is he heavy!' laughs Jorge. When I'd dressed as Jorge at Valencia the previous year, the message was that he had grown up,' explains Marcos. 'This time it was a case of demonstrating that he was capable of anything. Even knocking out somebody twice his height and weight, like me!' Another of Jorge's ideas was for Marcos to grow his hair like Don King, the world's most famous boxing promoter. In the end the celebration wasn't exactly as Jorge and Marcos had planned, partly because the Brazilian trainer was unable to make the trip to Malaysia.

The final idea came about after a conversation between Jorge and Marcos after which the 'celebration panel' of Jorge, Dani Palau and Pere Gurt set things in motion. They went on the Internet to download information about the Clint Eastwood film Million Dollar Baby and then researched other famous boxers like Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield, Oscar De La Eioya and Julio Cesar Chavez. Once they had decided on a look they set about sourcing the outfit. Esther Serra was sent to a fabric shop in Barcelona, which is where they encountered their first setback. They didn't have any gold fabric for the hooded cloak - only black - and if that shop didn't have it, it was difficult to imagine anywhere else that would. But necessity is the mother of invention and somebody suddenly remembered that the covers used to unveil Jorge's Apiilia RSW250 at the start of the season had been gold. Problem solved! Now it was a case of putting the whole outfit together. They'd found a blue cloak in a Barcelona boxing shop, and picked up a gum shield at the same time. There were some fruitless trips to fancy dress shops. It was time to get the family involved... Pere Gurt called his mother, Rosa Casas, and her friend, Carme Armengol. After much protest, which fell on deaf ears, the pair reluctantly accepted the assignment and, as a result, MotoGP ended up with two more avid fans - to the point where they would get up at 5am to watch Jorge race in Australia.

A world championship belt needed to be found at the same time, so the team got in touch with the Spanish Boxing Federation (FEB), who recommended 'Charlie's', a specialist shop in Madrid. Bingo! Not only did they have a belt, they also had a pair of golden gloves. The only problem was that the belt featured the Dutch flag, but Esther wasted no time in having the red, white and blue colours replaced with a logo designed by Dani PalaWeb that read: 'Loren Show II'. In the end Jorge didn't use the gum shield, but there's a little story about that too. When Juan Llansa saw it he said there was no point: 'That is a shit gum shield. You need one made to measure!' Juanito knew what he was talking about - he'd not only seen plenty of riders use them over his 20 years in motorcycle racing, but also his daughter, Zaida Llansa, was the 2001 Kata [a form of martial arts] World Champion. As soon as he landed in Australia he looked on the Internet for a martial arts shop near Phillip Island. He bought the silicone, warmed it in boiling water and made Jorge bite it for a made-to-measure gum shield. Lorenzo still decided not to use it for the celebrations, but Juanito saved it just in case Jorge decided he needed one for MotoGP. 'He never wore one in 125cc and 250cc but I've saved it just in case he really needs to grit his teeth in MotoGP!' Llansa laughed. Everything was prepared as quickly as possible because there wasn't much time. Jorge quickly became impatient: 'Pere, how's the cloak coming along?' 'Don't worry about it.' 'If it's going to be shit just leave it and we'll think of something else.' 'Trust me. I don't doubt your work, so don't doubt mine.' It was almost time to leave and everything was ready. Cheni Martinez picked up the outfit and went to meet Jorge at the Hotel Barcelo-Sants gym in Barcelona for a dress rehearsal. He had to try everything on before leaving for Melbourne. In the car on the way to the airport Jorge received a call. It was Pere. 'How is it?' 'Pffff. It's not that bad.' Pere Gurt hung up with a smile. 'We've done it,' he thought.

The box remained unopened in Australia, of course, but in Malaysia the surprise was unleashed. The hardest-hitting World Champion in racing was about to be crowned and the character of Rocky Balboa represented the strength he'd displayed to overcome his own limitations and fears. Jorge Lorenzo had not only clinched his second world title, he'd proved to himself and to the world that he could do anything, as a rider and as a person. And then he and the clan treated the public to their most memorable celebration yet. His friends, headed by Juanito Llansa, waited for him with the boxer's outfit that Lorenzo wanted to wear to mirror his battling performances on the track that season — the cloak, gloves and belt of a World Champion, made out of gold fabric and with a logo on the back, hand sewn by Pere Gurt's mother and her neighbour. It simply read: Loren Show II. World Champion 2007. The 'Lorenzo's Land' flag had fluttered at seven different circuits during the year, but this time it was the Spanish flag that an emotional Lorenzo drove into Malaysian soil, in the final turn of the Sepang International Circuit. The whole act had been Jorge's tribute to 'the eye of the tiger', the winning attitude of Rocky Balboa that he'd adopted as his own. All the knock-out blows to his rivals during the season had given him just cause for celebration. Celebrations are often forgotten the following day, as soon as the outfits and props have been returned, but not this time. The World Championship gown and gloves will always remain part of Jorge's life.. 'One day I returned home to find that my mother had prepared a surprise. She had redecorated my bedroom and there it was, my gold outfit, hung on the wall, looking magical.' Some people think Jorge Lorenzo is simply copying Valentino Rossi, the originator of post-race victory celebrations, in order to enhance his own image. Others feel that perhaps he takes things too far, or they may view the Lorenzo antics rather more favourably. Jorge will continue to hope they're accepted for what they are: harmless, innocent fun but always with a moral to the 'story'. There's no doubt, though, that he will have something to say if other riders start copying him...

Jorge Lorenzo and 250cc celebrations

Lorenzo is authentic, reject imitations (2007); Shanghai race commentary (2007); A recital by Jorge Lorenzo to forget about Mugello (2007); Lorenzo 'Gladiator' conquers Misano and caresses the title (2007); Sepang MotoGP: Jorge Lorenzo is 2007 250cc GP champion, Hiroshi Aoyama wins race (2007); Jorge Lorenzo: My Story So Far (2010)

#bodied melandri fairs #the biographer also kinda bodied valentino fairs. ntm on his 2007 #my life's goal is to organise an interview with dovi just to see what his face does if i say the word 'lorenshow' to him #genuinely do think the 250cc ones are my favourite jorge titles likeeeee they hit so good i'm telling you. poor poor dovi #the bit where dovi allegedly suggested jorge was getting nervous and jorge reacted in a sane and normal way... cinema. to me #jorge lorenzo #//#jl99 #'like christopher columbus when he arrived in america' JORGE NO #something charming about the biographer saying 'everybody knows what happens next' about the 250cc mugello race in 2007 #a book that knows its insular target audience. like no I didn't actually know off the top of my head but please continue #obviously I have checked but I haven't been able to secure any footage of what this whole gladiator on a scooter situation looked like #okay look I NEEDED to include the presser photos because it's like. the context of What Version of jorge is doing all this #look at him!! he's a kid!! casey and valentino having their whole Thing going on at the same time #that one misano 2007 presser photo is an incredibly rich text if you are an insane person. look at it #casey and dani pointedly ignoring the concept of 250cc in those years I reckon #valentino observing all of this in his peripheral vision and just saying to himself. listen. that's a problem for future me

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strawberrysands · 2 years

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ouu! can i request you write a nate x reader(in a relationship) where theyre in the odessa catacombes w sam and colby? :)

Odessa Catacombs - Nate Hardy

Roughly based off of this video

This is my first request ever ashakjht thank you so much anon! I hope you like it :)

Disclaimer: The video and the story take place before the whole war thingy. I just want to say that I am not in the slightest way ignoring anythinig that is happening at the moment and that my heart goes out to everyone there <3

Summary: you join Nate, Sam, and Colby to explore the Odessa Catacombs in Ukraine

Word count: 3.8k

Warnings: fluff, mentions of death and hauntings, sum kissing, again not proofread lmao

“Babyyyy.” Nate drawls out the last syllable. A small smirk forms on your lips, knowing that he only did that when he wanted something from you.

You’re currently sitting on his couch, feet on the coffee table, mindlessly scrolling through your phone. Nate walks closer to the couch and hugs you from behind, burying his face in your neck.

“Yesss?” You say innocently in the same tone that he did.

“You would do anything for me, right?” He asks, voice muffled by your hair.

You laugh. “Depends on what you want me to do, babe.”

“Sam and Colby are going to Ukraine for a video and asked me to come. Come with me?” He says, and even though you can’t see him, you know that his puppy eyes are on full display.

You pretend to think about it for a moment. “What’s in it for me?” You tease. “What do I get in return?”

You feel the corners of his lips curl up against your neck. “I can think of a few different things.”

He starts placing kisses on your neck and you immediately know you’re a goner.

“Pretty please?” He pleads. You let out a breath of air when he kisses that particular spot on your collarbone, and he smirks at your reaction.

“Not fair, Hardy.” You huff and you turn around to face your beautiful boyfriend.

“As long as I get the window seat on the plane there.” You say.

So here you are, in Ukraine, countless hours later. You had met up with Sam and Colby as soon as you arrived and are now preparing to start the intro to the video.

“Today, we are going to be visiting the Odessa catacombs, the single largest group of tunnels and underground city in the world.” Sam says to the camera.

“During Odessa’s industrial ‘boom’, they started digging for limestone underneath the surface. But because there were no regulations, they just dug at random.” Nate says.

“Which basically created a massive labyrinth that’s only like, half mapped. So it’s like, really easy to get lost in there.” You add.

“There were literally like 2 people found dead this year in here.” Colby states.

“Wait really?” You ask. “No one told me about that part.” You chuckle but the fact kind of creeped you out. One of your worst fears about this place was to get stuck down there and never find your way out again.

Colby nods and continues. “Yeah, this isn’t like from ancient times. Even today, people get lost and there’s even cults down there.”

“Right now, we’re at the catacombs museum, a pretty popular tourist spot, but later today, we’re also going into the uncharted catacombs.”

“The wild catacombs.” Nate says dramatically and you snort.

“Wild, seriously? How can a bunch of tunnels be wild?” You ask. Sam had cut the camera by now and you start walking towards your guide.

“Babe, I know a wild thing when I see one.” He smirks as he puts an arm around your shoulders. You playfully roll your eyes at him, and you see Colby in front of you who had turned around to listen to your conversation now turn back again with an odd expression on his face, making you chuckle.

“Alright everyone, this is Ivan, our tour guide. He’s going to be helping us through the tunnels since we have no idea what we’re doing.” Colby says. “Can you maybe tell us some history about the museum and the catacombs itself?”

“The museum here was built in 1960 to remember the partisans who were hiding here during the second world war.” Ivan starts. “But the catacombs are actually just stone mines. Odessa was basically built from this material.”

“If the mines are that big, isn’t there a high risk of it collapsing while we’re in there?” You ask slightly worried, and you feel Nate take your hand in his own.

Ivan nods. “In these types of things, there’s always a risk involved. In fact, there are still many bones of miners buried underneath the collapsed parts. But hopefully everything will be safe today.” He says with a small laugh.

“Hopefully.” You mutter. You feel Nate give your hand a gentle squeeze before he turned to Ivan.

“Do you believe this place is haunted?”

The tour guide shrugs nonchalantly. “Yeah, maybe.”

Sam laughs. “He’s just like, oh whatever.”

“Dude, it’s so much colder in here.” You remark as soon as you step in the tunnels, your worries from earlier disappearing to the background.

“Yeah, it’s gonna be cold like all day.” Sam agrees.

Ivan takes you through numerous rooms and you already feel like you’re completely lost. You learn that the miners often take horses in here and that they would eventually go blind because of the absence of light. After discussing what this place would do to your biological clock and seeing the shooting range, Ivan takes you to the partisans’ hospital.

“Isn’t this like, way too small for all the people that lived down here?” You ask.

“Yes, of course. I am convinced that there are lots of other hospital rooms like this one throughout the tunnels. Obviously they won’t have like the beds in them because this is just part of the museum, but there are lots of places that could have been a hospital like this one.” Ivan says.

“C’mon dude, get it up.” You hear Sam say. You look over and see that Nate was messing with a blood pressure device thing.

“A lot of guys struggle with this, okay.” He says.

“I can help if you like.” You say seductively, winking at him. You see Colby fake gag and you’re pretty sure that if it hadn’t been for this odd lightning, Nate would have been blushing.

“Wrong website, guys!” Sam shouts laughing,

“Join xplrclub for only one dollar this week for more exclusive content.” You say at the camera, wiggling your eyebrows.

---

The hospital was the last stop of the museum tour, and you had to take a different entrance to go to the uncharted catacombs. What you didn’t realize, however, is that you had to walk up like 5 flights of stairs just to get back to the surface.

Once you get to the top, everyone’s panting heavily.

“Oh, fuck me.” You say, since that was more physical than you thought it would be. You realize how your exclaim sounds and you hold up one hand to Nate. “Don’t you dare make a joke out of that.”

He chuckles as response and puts both of his hands up defensively.

---

Once you get to the other entrance, you instantly notice the difference with the tunnels from the museum. The ground is muddy and slippery, and you have to carefully pay attention so you don’t end up on your ass.

“Somehow, you have to get down.” Ivan says, and we all let out a laugh.

Colby goes first. “It’s doable.” He says after he gets down. “I only caused like one avalanche.”

Once Nate had safely gotten down there, he extends a hand to you which you gratefully take.

A few meters further, Ivan stops and scans the area. “The entrance of the catacombs is blocked because of the flood. We’ll have to get in this way.” He says, gesturing to a tiny hole in the ceiling.

“We have to fit through that?” You ask perplexed. You turn to look at Ivan, but he was already gone.

“Bro, our guide just disappeared.” Sam chuckles.

Once again, Colby decides to go first on this one. After a couple of moments of struggle, he had disappeared, and it almost looked like the ceiling had swallowed him. Sam is up next and then it’s your turn.

“Wish me luck.” You say and Nate kisses the top of your head gently. You hand him your go-pro and start climbing up.

“Did you hear that?” Colby asks as soon as you get your head up through the hole.

“What?” You frown, pushing yourself up as gracefully as you could.

“Dude, where did Ivan even go?” Sam wonders while looking around, the sound now completely forgotten.

You lend Nate who was right behind you a hand and pull him up.

“He went left, for sure.” Nate says, going in that direction. And sure enough, you suddenly bump back into Ivan, making your heart skip a beat.

“I checked and the lower levels are ruined from the flood. A lot of small tunnels, so probably not the best idea to go down there.” Your guide says and Sam’s eyes were already screaming ‘hell no’ at the small tunnels part.

“So, I propose we climb up.” Ivan continues, pointing a big gap in the wall about a meter and a half up. He shows us how to climb up and makes it look way easier than it would turn out to be.

“Why do I always wear skinny jeans when we do these types of things?” Colby sighs before holding onto the wall and climbing up. Nate is up next and this time it’s his turn to stretch out his hand for you. Your foot suddenly slides off the wall and you feel Sam’s hands supporting your butt in order to not make you fall.

“Were you seriously groping my girlfriend’s ass, Golbach?” Nate asks once Sam gets up as well.

“Would you rather she broke her neck?” Sam says and Nate begins laughing. “Dude, I’m joking. Thank you so much for saving the life of my one true love.” He says dramatically, putting a hand over his heart.

Even though he had a playful tone, you couldn’t help but smile at his words.

---

You gather around the camera to start explaining the ghost stories of this place.

“It’s not just the biggest labyrinth in the world, on top of that, it’s also haunted.” Colby laughs.

“It is. There are a lot of ghost stories from here, one of them being Masha.” Sam says.

“Masha and her friends decided to explore the catacombs here late at night. They were drunk, it was New Year’s eve, and they were just some teenagers looking for some fun. They ended up spending the night here, and when they woke up, Masha wasn’t there anymore. Her friends tried to look for her but they never found her, and now she’s rumored to haunt these tunnels, still looking for a way out.” Colby says.

“Damn, that’s sad.” You say. Nate nods and continues the story.

“There were a lot of search parties sent out to look for her. A while later though, a group of young explores thought they had found her body and took pictures in front of it. A lot of people believed that this story was all a myth. So much even, that a journalist had to pressure the police to get the body out. From the looks of it, she had spent three days in pitch black and cold trying to find her way out before dying to dehydration.”

(A/N: I did some research on this story and there are a lot of different versions. Some of them say that Masha went in alone, others say that her friends went with her and ‘abandoned’ her in the tunnels. Some even say it never even happened. I just went with what I wrote here)

“Another entity that supposedly haunts this place is Bout.” You say. “He is said to protect any treasure from these tunnels. Bout was an officer from Odessa who was on board of the Titanic. They rescued him and he made like a small Titanic out of gold. He hid it in these catacombs and never came back for it.”

“For three generations though, people have come here to look for treasure. As the legend goes, if you took anything from here, Bout would cause amnesia and make whole tunnels collapse to make sure you never got out again. If you died here because of that, you would become the next Bout to protect the treasure here.” Sam says.

“There are actually a few versions of this legend. Another one is that it’s Brigantine, and not the Titanic. We’ll see some pictures of it later.” Ivan says from behind the camera.

“Obviously there are many ghost stories from this place, but I think the last one we should talk about is the White Hunter.” Sam says. “A long time ago, there were two guys down here and one of them got trapped. His friend ended up not helping him get out.”

“You guys better help me get out of here.” Colby says, looking at us.

“Yeah, 100% dude.”

“Oh hell no.” You say and Colby looks at you with a fake shocked face. “You put green hair dye in my shampoo. I’m still not over it.”

“For the record, that was three years ago, as a revenge prank. She had swapped my toothpaste with soy sauce.” He says while looking at the camera, and you grin at the memory.

“Anyway, this guy had so much anger at his friend that he came after anyone that was in here. If you didn’t, like, make the right offering, he could make you the next White Explorer.” Sam continues.

“Then, there’s another version of this story, that if you do make the right offering he would actually help you get out.” Colby says.

“Do we have anything to offer though?” You ask.

“We have Nate.” Sam deadpans and we all burst out laughing.

“Oh hell no, I don’t want his angry girlfriend putting ketchup in the coffee maker.” Colby says, looking at you with a scared expression.

----- Tiny time skip yall im sorry lol -----

“I can give you, like, a small task to test your orienteering skills if you want.” Ivan says, “if you go left on each crossroad, you should end up right here where we are now.”

“You’d be able to find us if we got lost though, right?” You ask, slightly nervous about going into the catacombs on your own.

“Yeah, I hope so.” Ivan says and everyone starts laughing uncomfortably.

“I’m going to need that hat of yours for this.” You say, taking Nate’s hat off of his head and putting it on your own.

“You look better with it anyway.” Nate flirts and Colby groans.

“Sam, why did we invite the lovebirds?” He says, seemingly annoyed, but you know he doesn’t mean any harm with it. While Colby was the one usually complaining about you and Nate being all cute together, he was also the one who rooted for the two of you the hardest when you weren’t dating yet.

“This is like, my worst nightmare.” Sam says and you immediately agree with him.

Nate places an arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him as you all start to walk into the dark tunnels.

“If we don’t find the way back, at least we’ll die together. That’s kind of romantic, right?” He says, probably attempting to comfort you a little.

“Dude,”, Colby says, “since when is dying together romantic?”

Nate rolls his eyes. “Have you ever heard of Romeo and Juliet?”

You take the first left turn before Sam replies. “Juliet was literally thirteen years old.”

“Guys!” you say loudly. “I don’t see any of you getting comforted by your significant other. Y’all are just jealous.”

Colby laughs. “Fair point.”

---

“Are we sure this is the right way?” Sam asks as Colby and Nate had already climbed through a hole in the wall.

You shrug, “It’s the only way to go left here.”

“Alright, so far we’ve taken two lefts and now we’re taking a right. So that means we should take two more lefts to make a square.” Sam says, slightly confused. “No wait, one more left.”

“So after three lefts, straight should come here.” Sam continues, pointing at a brick wall. “So if we take a right, we should take one more left.”

You laugh. “I didn’t understand anything of that and I’m pretty sure none of the viewers did too.”

“Wait, guys look.” Colby says, walking to a small hole in the wall.

“We’re not going down that, right?” You say as your eyes go wide.

“Yeah, no, Ivan said we’d come through that massive hole. If the massive hole is through the tiny hole, there’s no fucking way bro. I don’t want to go down that.” Sam says, and he looks just as scared as you.

“So we must have taken a wrong turn.” Colby says, thinking, and you nervously fumble with your hands. Nate notices and takes both of them in his own to calm you down.

“But we only took left?” Colby wonders, looking confused as shit.

“I guarantee you, the big hole is through the little hole, but I don’t want to go through the little hole.” Sam says, letting out a laugh.

Just as his sentence ends, you hear a bang down the small tunnel, making you jump. Nate lets go of your hands and hugs you from behind, leaning his head on your shoulder.

“Did you hear that?” Colby says with wide eyes.

“Yeah I heard that too.” Sam confirms.

“If this doesn’t work we’ll just go back the way we came, right?” You ask and you feel Nate nod against your shoulder before letting go of you to go first.

Nate attempts to shuffle through the small tunnel, and as he’s almost at the end, he quickly tries to get back as soon as possible.

“Did you hear that?” He asks, still halfway in the hole.

“Dude, that shook the ground. It sounded like giant rocks falling.”

“That means something collapsed, right?” Sam says.

“Ivan!” Nate yells through the tunnel.

“That’s got to be him, right?”

“Oh! Ivan, what’s up?” Nate says relieved as he pokes his head through the other side of the tunnel.

You let out a breath and Sam laughs. “Oh man, I was scared for a moment.”

Sam’s up next and after he tried to crouch through the whole thing, you start to go, but Colby holds you back.

“Wait, let’s mess with them for a bit.” He says and you grin at the idea. After dimming your flashlights, it didn’t take long for your friends to start calling out for you.

“Colby? Y/N?” You hear Sam’s voice. “Guys, are you coming?”

“Y/N? Please, this is not funny, okay?” Nate shouts and you almost feel bad for him.

“Nate really doesn’t give a shit about me.” Colby whispers, laughing, and you snort before covering your mouth to stifle the sound.

“Should I go check?” Ivan says, his voice muffled by the rock between you.

“Nah, we’re just messing with you.” Colby says, turning on the flashlight and you hear the others starting to laugh.

Once you got through, Nate places his hands on your hips and pouts. “Don’t do that to me, okay?”

You put your hands on his shoulders, looking into his adorable puppy eyes. “Aww, I’m sorry. A kiss to make it up?” You ask, eyeing his lips.

He grins and connects your lips, lightly squeezing your hips. Your hands make your way up to his hair and you forget where you are as that glorious tongue-

“They’re definitely dying here together.” Sam says and you notice his voice sounds a little too far away.

You pull away from Nate to see that the others had already started to move further down the catacombs.

“Forever lost in eternal love. It’s a good headline.” Colby snickers, looking at the two of you.

You shake your head at your friends before looking back at Nate who had the most adorable expression on his face.

“So it’s totally the hat, right?” You say, smirking. Nate usually wouldn’t let himself go this far when his friends where near.

“Yeah,”, he breathes, “it makes you look really fricking hot.”

--- time skip to the rituals lmao ---

“We are here, us four, all the way from the United States, to talk to any sort of spirit down here.” Sam says.

You were all set up, equipment scattered through the room and candles on the table in front of you. Not to mention the burning goat heads on the walls that made this place look even creepier.

“We don’t mean any harm or disrespect, we just want to hear your story.” You try.

“Woah, look!” Sam exclaims, pointing to the thermal camera that Nate is holding. “That just shut down!”

“And it has like no automatic shut down, right?” Colby asks.

“Yeah, after what happened at the conjuring house I checked, and it didn’t.”

“If anyone is down here, could you maybe try to communicate with us using one of these devices?” Nate asks. “You can come up to them and touch them, to let us know you’re here.”

After getting no response, you tried again with Ivan translating, but that didn’t seem to work either. You decided to move on after about thirty minutes, but then one of the candles from the goat heads fell down.

“Woah, holy fuck!” Sam shouts, walking over to where the candle fell. Just then, another one in the back of the room tumbled down.

“Look! That one as well!” You say, both scared and excited that something was finally happening.

“What?”

“Dude, two candles just went down, it was like the devil just winked at us.” Sam says.

Almost immediately after Sam said that, a cloak that hung on the wall fell down too, right next to Nate.

“Did you just hit that off?” Sam asks, pointing at the cloak.

“No, it just fell down right next to me!” Nate says with wide eyes.

“Nothing has ever happened before you, so maybe we should just go.” Ivan says from the side of the room, his eyes going between the cloak and the music box going off every now and then.

“Bro, it smell horrible in here.” Colby says.

“Honestly, let’s just get out of here.” You say, now definitely on edge.

“Yeah, if Ivan wants to get out, so do I.” Sam agrees, but another candle falls down.

As Sam and Colby are shouting about it, you grasp Nate’s hand and he squeezes back, just as scared as you are.

“Alright, I’m done.” Ivan says, and everyone agrees to get out of the tunnels.

After the fifteen-minute walk all the way back, you are finally able to breath in fresh air again. You close your eyes as the sun warms your skin, and Nate swears you had never looked more beautiful. The afternoon sun makes your hair look like it’s glowing and a peaceful expression on your face.

“Dude, you’re whipped.” Colby says with a smile, patting him on the shoulder before getting ready to film the outro to the video.

A smile forms on Nate’s face just by looking at you. “Yeah, I am.”

#nate hardy #nate hardy x reader #nate x reader #nate hardy imagine #sam and colby #sam golbach #colby brock #xplr club #odessa catacombs #fanfiction #fanfic #nate hardy fluff #fluff #idk what else to tag

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nesiacha · 4 months

Text

Letter of Madame Chalabre to Robespierre

I found something interesting on the excellent site amis-robespierre.org. It was mentioned in posts I saw on Tumblr about Madame Chalabre, a great admirer of Robespierre, who was supposedly arrested after his execution. According to Vandeplas, Bernard on the same site, some accused her of being an informant for Robespierre. Joke aside, I wonder if Stanisława Przybyszewska might be the reincarnation of Madame Chalabre.

But when you read the letter she sent to Robespierre, it’s much more than admiration; it shows a political spirit. When I see this, I think once again that some French revolutionaries, including Robespierre, missed the boat by refusing to make women equal to men.

Here is Robespierre’s speech from January 2, 1792: "... War is good for military officers, for the ambitious, for speculators who trade in such events; it is good for the court, it is good for the executive power whose authority, popularity, and influence it increases; it is good for the coalition of nobles, intriguers, and moderates who govern France..." He continues: "... The most extravagant idea that can be born in the head of a politician is to believe that it suffices for a people to invade a foreign people to make them adopt its laws and constitution. No one loves armed missionaries..." "... Our victories by our generals would be more disastrous than our defeats..."

Here is Madame Chalabre’s response, which shows a good reasoning spirit: "No, I cannot find words to express to the admirable Robespierre the surprise and emotion caused by reading his interesting and useful speech in the latest Revolution of Paris. The patriots were right to include it, because this journal is widely read and goes everywhere. We cannot hurry enough to warn true Frenchmen against the execrable trap of war. But alas! I fear it is a foregone conclusion in the National Assembly, for the deputy Ramond (de Carbonnières) announces to us a long and beautiful report from the diplomatic committee whose conclusions will undoubtedly be for war. Just heavens! What betrayals! Unfortunate homeland. False guides still divert you from the right path with new ruses finer than those of the moderates. They do not have such a marked character of falsehood and are therefore more dangerous. Patriots are said to be misguided if they do not want war. Ah! Let us continue to be thus misguided to stifle it and save the homeland. Another speech at the Jacobins Monday played by the cruel war partisans who persist like ravens on their prey. If so, let us despair of the homeland’s salvation. Victorious even with the enemy’s power is to be defeated. That is the solution to the whole question but as you say, they always want to be beside the point. How with even a little judgment can one fall into such a trap? It seems incredible to me; instead of following nature, they prefer to reason against it. Shame, shame on eloquence in this case. Weak humans who boast of your enlightenment, the instinct of animals is far superior to your fine minds, for it never deceives them.

{} I cannot resist the feeling of gratitude inspired by the virtuous conduct and wise writings of the faithful Robespierre, despite his own advice to us not to give in too much to these transports. His touching modesty will produce the opposite effect judging by myself but it will not be dangerous for freedom, the noblest emulation will be the fruit. Greetings, friendship, Chalabre."

Thus, beyond admiration, Madame Chalabre shows great lucidity on the issue of war. I would love to know more about this character.

This makes me all the more furious about the films of the French Revolution that portray women as passive, too gentle, and groupies according to macho standards (yes, I have my eye on Heffron's films, the horrible movie "The Passion of Camille and Lucile Desmoulins," and even very good films like "La Terreur et la Vertu" by Stellio Lorenzi).

PS: I looked for Tumblr posts about this letter specifically and an analysis but did not find one. If it is already there, I sincerely apologize to the author. The goal is not to plagiarize.

#frev #french revolution #robespierre #war frev #women of revolution

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thepastisalreadywritten · 6 months

Text

By Kate Andrews

Has Kate Middleton united America? For the past few days, we have been one nation under her spell.

The Princess of Wales has dominated Google searches in the United States ever since Kensington Palace released that now-notorious doctored photo of her with her children for Mother’s Day.

Her name search beat that of both ‘Donald Trump’ and ‘Joe Biden’ over the past week.

To say she has broken the internet would be only the start of it: rumours of her well-being are making their way into every newsroom, dive bar, and church fellowship hour across America.

My friends from all over the country text and call me to ask the same question: What’s happened to Kate?

They know I’m as removed from the royal family as anyone could be, but I’m in London and I work in Westminster, so they hope I’ve heard a theory that hasn’t made its way across the pond just yet.

Left-liberal pals who usually text me when Trump says something obscene now want to know when I last walked by Buckingham Palace.

Did anything seem strange? More right-leaning friends, who tend to send videos of Biden jumbling his words, want to know if it’s unusual in Britain to not wear your wedding ring.

Or did someone photoshop her ring out of the Mother’s Day photo, too? Is that even her hand in the picture?

I wonder if Kate knows she has achieved the impossible in bringing America together in this way.

I suppose that depends on where she’s been, how she’s been faring, and how much she’s checking the news – all questions that largely remain unanswered.

Either way, it’s an impressive feat and a wonderful service she has performed.

Sure, it would be nice if existential threats to the United States and its citizens were cause enough for us to find common ground. But I’m not going to be picky.

I will forever be grateful for this smidgen of evidence that, if the cause is compelling enough, America can pull itself back from the brink.

How did ‘Kate-gate’ go viral in a nation that isn’t even her own? The princess’s prolonged absence from public life has the right components to capture America’s imagination.

We are a country obsessed with The Crown and true crime. Since we rejected the British monarchy almost 250 years ago, we have rarely had the opportunity to combine the two.

The mystery of Kate’s movements and the online sleuthing required to discredit that photograph proved to be a golden moment.

But it’s the cover-up elements, which made the story stratospheric.

Like everything else in the States, conspiracy theories tend to be big – the more far-fetched, the more viral they go.

Trumpist QAnon talk has never appealed to non-partisan Instagram girlies, but speculation around a princess’s whereabouts make for perfect 20-part video series to add to your highlights reel.

That’s because Kate-gate is not your traditional conspiracy fare.

The big questions – what’s happened to Kate, where has she been – have not been whipped up from nothing.

Suspicion has been fed by a number of public-relations mishandlings from the Palace.

Stories have changed, a photo has been botched and is still being censored on social media.

This is particularly strange given the normal PR slickness of the Firm: a protective, ruthless operation that presidents and popstars envy.

Some of the rumours have taken absurd and dangerous turns. But it’s not only fantasists who have questions. Something seems to be happening; we just don’t know what.

We may never find out what Kate has been up to these past months. And perhaps we shouldn’t. Her medical issues aren’t our business, after all.

But we know what’s happened to her in the eyes of the public: Brand Kate has skyrocketed.

She and her family have become even more intriguing – the Prince and Princess of Wales’s Instagram and X accounts gained more than 200,000 followers combined in the days after the doctored photo was posted.

That intrigue has made the princess all the more sensational.

Kate is now a mega-celebrity. She has the kind of fame her sister-in-law craves so badly.

Markle’s tactic was to shout from the rooftops: to make herself and her point of view heard through every media platform and streaming service that showed any interest. It worked for a while.

Had a pandemic not scuppered her big moment, ‘Megxit’ would have been the story of 2020.

She and Harry still got to sit down with Oprah. Netflix charted their journey from the Palace to the Hollywood Hills. But attention quickly waned.

This week, the duchess finds herself doing what every fame-hustler must do in the fight for survival: launching a lifestyle brand.

Her Californian-inspired venture, called American Riviera Orchard, will be offering us fashion advice and gardening tips, along with another outlet selling artisan jams and yoga gear.

Yet as she pushes the cutlery and cookbooks, it’s absent Kate whose face is projected all over the world: a testament, if there ever was one, to the power of silence.

Given the long line of mess-ups from the Palace, this boost for Kate is a fairly good outcome.

The princess disappeared for a few months, and the world made its message clear: we simply can’t bear to be without her.

When she returns to public life, she will be more adored and loved than ever.

The rumours and theories will die down. The outpouring of support for the Princess of Wales will continue.

It seems likely that she will, as promised, resume public duty in the spring.

The future queen of England will return, radiant as ever, to stand next to her future king and her family, as if nothing ever happened.

We’ll watch on, always with the niggling feeling that there was something we weren’t told and that not knowing is the key to the charm.

As Walter Bagehot said:

‘We must not let in daylight upon magic’ – or photoshop, for that matter.

NOTE: Additional photos have been included in this article.

#Princess of Wales #Catherine Princess of Wales #Catherine Middleton #Kate Middleton #British Royal Family #Brand Kate #trending #viral #fake news #misinformation #disinformation #cancer #chemotherapy #break the internet #Kate-Gate

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justinspoliticalcorner · 5 months

Text

Students are massed peacefully on campus, making politically charged demands on university presidents. The police are summoned, leading to mass arrests and even to violence — and to the collapse of confidence in the administration. You may see the punchline coming: This picture isn’t drawn from USC and Columbia University of the present day, but Berkeley in 1964. The lessons should be obvious. Bringing police onto a college campus on the pretext of preserving or restoring “order” invariably makes things worse. It’s almost always inspired not by conditions on campus, but by partisan pressure on university administrators to act. Often it results in the ouster of the university presidents who condoned the police incursions, and sometimes even in the departure of the politicians whose fingerprints were on the orders. In other words, nobody wins. Perhaps in recognition of the astonishing ignorance of college administrators of their own responsibilities, the American Civil Liberties Union last week issued a succinct guide on how to fulfill their “legal obligations to combat discrimination and ... maintain order” without sacrificing the “principles of academic freedom and free speech that are core to the educational mission.” [...] The ACLU cautions that “inviting armed police into a campus protest environment, even a volatile one, can create unacceptable risks for all students and staff.” Its statement points to the history of excessive force wielded by law enforcement units against “communities of color, including Black, Brown, and immigrant students.... Arresting peaceful protestors is also likely to escalate, not calm, the tensions on campus — as events of the past week have made abundantly clear.” [...] The history of campus protests suggests that they generally appear more threatening and disruptive on the spot than they prove to be over time. Strong, “decisive” responses almost always backfire. [...] They don’t care a hoot about the “safety” of students, or about the rise of antisemitism nationally, or about hurtful rhetoric emanating from the tent colonies on campus, which they claim to be their concerns. Instead, they’re trying to exploit what appears to be a violent situation to pursue their larger campaign to demonize higher education — in fact, education generally — by softening it up for the imposition of right-wing, reactionary ideologies.

Michael Hiltzik at Los Angeles Times on the nationwide suppression of protests against Israel's genocide campaign on Gaza on college campuses by calling the cops to break them up (04.29.2024).

Michael Hiltzik's Los Angeles Times editorial on the campus protests against the Gaza Genocide is spot-on.

This quote is right-on: "Bringing police onto a college campus on the pretext of preserving or restoring “order” invariably makes things worse. It’s almost always inspired not by conditions on campus, but by partisan pressure on university administrators to act."

#Michael Hiltzik #Los Angeles Times #Editorials #College #Ceasefire NOW Protests #Israel/Hamas War Protests #Israel/Hamas War #Campus Protests #Gaza Genocide

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quanblovk · 1 year

Note

To the Mage Sisters: What are your opinions on the inhabitants of Planet Popstar? For example, The Great King of Dream Land: King Dedede

Zan Partizanne: Ah yes, the loud mouth penguin. We three are very indebted to him for freeing us of that dark past.

Flamberge: KYAHAHAHA!! That big fluffy penguin sure does eat a lot too! I'll get him in the next pie eating contest, he doesn't stand a chance!

Zan Partizanne: Berge, please stop subjecting your digestive system to such torment.

Francisca: The waddle dees that follow him are just the cutest! They oddly remind me of the jambelievers, only if they were stronger, smarter and capable of building their own civilization!

Zan Partizanne: Now who else....oh right. His knight. Heheh.

Flamberge: Dammit Zan! You're doing that creepy chuckle again! That means you're hiding something from me! Just who is Meta Knight and why do you always act so familiar around him?!

Zan Partizanne: I'll tell you when you're older.

Flamberge: JAMBLASTED- wait......WE'RE ALREADY ADULTS- WHY WOULD I NEED TO-

Zan Partizanne: Anyways, that little masked knight helped us immensely too. Though he doesn't talk a lot to me compared to the other sisters. Which is to be expected. Also, he definitely has issues. A lot of them.

Francisca: He's a very stoic knight, just straight out of a fairy tale~

Flamberge: pfft, he's alright I guess. But I much prefer his evil twin brother! He's just WAY more fun and (somehow) has less problems! seriously that guy has ISSUES.

Francisca: He smells weird though....

Flamberge: That's his signature musk. Easy to get used to! Compared to Zanny's B.O, he smells way less spicier-

Zan Partizanne: what.

Flamberge: -3- ~ 🎵

Flamberge: And we can't possibly forget the other 2!

Francisca: Yes! Same with King Dedede and Mr. Meta Knight, Kirby and Bandana Dee saved our lives too! They're both so adorable and a joy to hang out with!

Zan Partizanne: I admire the puffball's resolve, same with the pointy waddle dee. He's got moves, I admit. Hmph.

Flamberge: KYAHAHA! Zan's always like that whenever he meets another spear user. So competitive-!

Zan Partizanne: .....

Flamberge: Joke! It's a joke! Stop pointing your partisan at me....-3-

Francisca: Let's see....who else....OH RIGHT! How could I forget?!

Marx~! 💖💖💖

Francisca: HE'S JUST THE CUTEST LITTLE THING! JYAAAAAAA!!!

Flamberge: OH- OH HELL NO FRAN, YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT BEHIND THAT SMILE IS THE DEVIL! HE'S EVEN WORSE THAN OUR former DARK LORD!!!!!

Zan Partizanne: Never in my life had I encountered such a terrifying ball-balancing clown........Franny, be wary of that awful creature!

Francisca: B-but....he's BABY! Aw......So far he hasn't done anything to me yet. I often hang out with him, Magolor and Chilly!

Flamberge: Chilly? Who's that?

Francisca: The little sentient snowman! We all get along well, I'm sure there's nothing to worry about~

Flamberge: Well, if Franny says so......

Zan Partizanne: We will take your word for it. Oh, as for the other inhabitants, our opinion remains the same. Neutral. Popstar is a wonderfully friendly planet.

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directdogman · 2 years

Note

I needed to ask this because i couldnt sleep

is Norm conservative?

because on one side it would make sense due to his patriotism and his age. But on the other hand if he was i think he would have acted way diffrent and atleast after the thirdchapter it seems out of place.

So please answer the question so i can sleep

The detailed answer to this question is very long, so I'll put it behind a 'read more' line so this doesn't clog up anyone's timeline.

The shorter answer to this question is: Norm's political beliefs cannot be summarized using any single commonly understood word from our 21st century vocabularies because his stances, alongside what Norm considers political/apolitical topics, don't align entirely with 21st century definitions/standards as Norm is a time traveler from the mid 20th century.

He isn’t a 21st century conservative as much as perhaps an early 20th century one, with a few stances that were considered progressive/radical for that time. Many aspects of the character that we’d consider conservative weren’t in his time, and were only regularly politicized by one side of the political aisle years after he warped. If you want a longer answer where I point out where exactly this blurs the line, read more:

The problem with this question (and most political discussions) in general is that most people don't read up on political history for fun and so, they naturally associate words like 'conservative', 'liberal', 'socialist' with the rhetoric/stances of whoever is currently using those labels in their society. Most people reading this would look at, for instance, the modern Republican party in America and say "oh, that's a Conservative."

Now, here's the problem: Norm grew up largely in the 1930′s and warped in the 1960's, society as a whole was radically different. One big difference is, for example, religion. Norm believes in God, and this is something that’s considered old-fashioned by many. It's pretty unfashionable to be religious nowadays in many places, but in most of 20th century America, it was a far bigger deal not to be. Nowadays, religion is something that's associated with the right more than the left, but in the early to mid 20th century, both parties were extremely religious.

Democratic political machines were dominated by Catholics in the early 20th century. Democratic presidential candidates Al Smith and JFK (the latter of whom was elected in the decade Norm came from) were Catholics, and it actually mattered to many voters. William Jennings Bryan (3 times Democratic nominee) was also immensely religious. Even the far-left fringe elements of the party had religious thought leaders, with Father Coughlin (a priest with a radio show) influencing far-left 30's Democrats. I could go on. Republican party also produced quite a few deeply religious presidents, with Garfield and Eisenhower coming to mind. A large portion of the population was deeply religious for most of the nation’s history, after all, and the religious beliefs of candidates mattered far more than today. So, for his time, Norm's religion is something that wasn't politically partisan, but rather, broadly essential, and as such, Norm would find it strange that anyone would assume that his religious beliefs correlate with his political beliefs at all.

Economically, America has changed so much in the 20th century that the issues at the start of the century are unrecognizable to us now. In 1900, the core economic issues were whether to back the dollar with just gold, or with gold and silver... oh, and the tariff. Exciting. No welfare net existed because income taxes largely didn't exist. The Federal Reserve didn't even exist yet! Tariffs (taxes on foreign goods) were the main source of federal income. What we consider to be normal governmental function was considered radical by many back then.

Similarly, it's important to note that the modern welfare state as we know it today was created in the 1940's with the advent of Social Security (AKA, in Norm’s lifetime) and only expanded to something resembling what we have today very incrementally, with many large developments happening under president Johnson in the mid 1960's... After Norm jumped.

Gun control (especially in sparsely populated states like Arizona) was basically a non-topic, and the only major federal gun control legislation that I know of being passed in the first half of the 20th century was a 30's crime bill that outlawed heavy machine guns + sawed offs, specifically related to organized crime tied to prohibition era organized crime. Norm loves guns, but he’d be profoundly disturbed to learn about how many mass shootings America has had in the last 20 years and wouldn’t just be able to hand-wave it away as normal, as our society has... because outside of the fucked up racist mass shootings of the 20′s (like Tulsa, but there were many also more smaller ones the same decade too), mass shooting weren’t a constant occurrence! NUTS, RIGHT??

Next, there’s Norm's patriotism, which your question implied pointed towards him being a conservative, but like his religion, this is an apolitical trait from Norm's time. Norm lived through World War II and the Red Scare, times when patriotism wasn't just popular, hell, not acting like Donald Duck in a 40's WWII propaganda cartoon meant you could go to PRISON. Media was also heavily controlled by governmental/anti-communist entities at this time, with the government financing pro-American/anti-communist films in the 50′s and Ronald Reagan serving as leader of the Actor’s Guild. Communists were rooted out systematically and to Norm, keeping a loaded firearm next to your bed in case a ‘communist’ breaks into your home is entirely normal and he refuses to cut it out. Poor guy’s scared shitless.

Norm does have a distaste for 'big government' and wasteful spending, partially explained by the time he came from, where taking taxes for public spending was still considered a more radical idea, but also, Norm's extras sheet gives even more essential context to this mentality with the explanation that he was raised in the middle of bumfuck nowhere by a single mother. Growing up, self-reliance was a necessity, not a virtue. His attitude towards governments basically amounts to "Leave me the FUCK alone." He values resilience, charity and discipline because these values are what enabled him to survive growing up.

Norm also grew up in the wilderness, so he enjoyed a lot of freedom growing up that is arguably impossible in urban areas, in his own time and especially today. Most of his stances come from the belief that the common person is inherently good (a belief that he temporarily abandoned after the warp, and Gingi managed to restore), and that political power structures solely exist so those who are already rich can stuff their pockets at the expense of taxpayers. Norm considered both of the two parties of his time to be corrupt and self-serving, and would say the same of them today, which is why Callum Crown’s third party populist rhetoric, and returning control of the US economy to working class people really resonated with Norm.

When asking why someone like Norm would support Crown’s movement, it’s important to note that Callum softened his socialist rhetoric as a national candidate. Norm also didn’t know all of Callum’s stances/beliefs (and realistically lied to himself slightly about some of them.) Norm also missed the end of Crown’s presidency, having to educate himself with revisionist sources after the warp. But, it would be dishonest not to mention in a complete answer to this question that Norm supported the single least conservative candidate in US history (in DT’s universe) for president because he felt it was the right thing to do.

Norm’s beliefs largely boil down to believing that individuals know best how to live their own lives and that as long as you aren’t hurting yourself or others, it’s none of his business. It’s his core tenet, really. He gets very modest when intimate subjects are brought up around him and the last thing he wants is to know what anyone does in the bedroom. Norm isn’t a homophobe or against gay marriage because... well, why would he be? There’s plenty of modern behaviour that is prohibited in the bible and the idea of legislating based on selectively chosen religious beliefs is abhorrent to Norm because he was raised in a secular America and values personal freedom. Norm would be profoundly disturbed that the conservative party of today considers this an issue at all. Christian or not, the guy hates any and all unnecessary governmental restrictions. All references to God were only added to the pledge of allegiance/onto money when he was an adult, a move that was done for exclusively political reasons, since it was the height of the cold war, and Marxism opposes organized religion.

Norm is also vehemently opposed to any form of elitism, never forgetting where he came from. His main desire is for others to just coexist and be understanding, without cheating/wronging each other. Norm downplays it, but a trait many forget is that Norm is very well educated. He was in NASA and has a background with mathematics and physics. Occasionally, big words slip out when Norm speaks. Norm was bullied somewhat in academia for how he speaks, fostering a deep distaste for the environment. Norm enjoys debate, discussion of topics. He would broadly support the causes of social movements today that aim to secure rights for minority groups, believing everyone has a right to be free/happy, but would have fundamental issues with the lack of accountability of most of them due to their lack of organization. His distaste for academia would absolutely foster hatred for activists who overuse ideological language.

When I was building Norm’s political profile in my head, I actually looked to Mark Twain for inspiration, who was quoted as saying: “Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.“ This sums up Norm’s patriotism, really. He, too, believed in the wisdom of the common man. Twain is also someone you can’t really put into a political box, describing himself as both ‘conservative’ (by the definition he had at the time) but also ‘radical’. Twain was racially progressive for his time and tended to support the Republican party (the racially progressive party of the two in his time), but split with the party in 1884 over the political corruption of their candidate that year, and outspokenly spoke out against McKinley + Roosevelt’s imperialist foreign policy.

So, with all of that context out of the way, here’s the final answer to your question: Norm would’ve broadly been considered a conservative by the definition/standards of his own time for his economic views (which are more conservative now), progressive for his social views (which are just kinda normal now), and has fundamental enough differences with the beliefs/aims of the conservative movement in America today that he would not want to be lumped in with modern day conservatives. If he was in politics today, he’d be trying to start a populist grassroots movement and support breaking down the two party system. Hope this was informative! I know a lot of people like Norm, so the last thing I’d want is people thinking Norm was something he wasn’t.

#dialtown

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imaswellkid · 2 months

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I really tried to not bother you with this but ( I could't control myself anymore) as a french girl how did you feel about Gojira on the Olympics? And on a scale of 5 how irritating is it to be in Paris during the games? Because I'm imagining parisians huffing and puffing over their croissants daily because of it.

Hey Nonnie 🧡

You are NOT bothering me at all!! Not in the slightest! I woke up to your ask and it made me smile and chuckle, thank you 🧡

Of course I can only talk for myself, but everyone I talked to about it felt insanely proud about Gojira's performance!!! Even amongst those of my friends or coworkers who are not into metal, and didn't know the band before its opening ceremony performance, everyone was THRILLED and thought it was pretty neat! Which says a lot about how the people around me feel about the French Revolution, heehee: OFF WITH THEIR HEADS 😌

Unfortunately, we still have royalists (and even Napoleon partisans, if you can believe this shit). Those were NOT pleased, social media demonstrated. Given the current political divide of our country, the fact that these people got pissed gave Gojira's number some extra nice flavour.

Deep down, it makes me a little sad that it triggered such violent reactions from the conservative crowds. I was 10 in 1989, when the country celebrated the Revolution's bicentennial. I wasn't living in Paris back then (Paris and the rest of France are two different things. I say that without any judgement, anyone will tell you so. Also, I feel 99% Parisian but I grew up in the South of France, where my family still lives), and what I remember is a year of happy, uniting celebrations. But we didn't have social media back then.

I'm sorry I'm so chatty, I'll try wrapping it up. Being in Paris right now is exactly the opposite of what I expected: not irritating AT ALL! The city is virtually empty. Everyone is either gone or attending the games. Don't get me wrong, it has been. A lot. The city was under construction work for the best part of the past 3/4 years, so Parisians did spend this whole time huffing and puffing over their croissants daily because of it, as you so very accurately put it, only to rally the minute the opening ceremony started (which is such a French reaction: complain first, rally later). We are very proud of the way Paris was pictured. I cannot stress that enough. Plus France won so many more medals than usual, and at the end of the day, we are a very chauvinistic people ("chauvin" in French means "proud of one's country", without the negative connotation that the word "chauvinistic" can have in English).

I'll end this essay (I'm so sorry, I don't know concision) with this poster I saw the other day. It's a pun on "Flamme Olympique" (Olympic Flame) and "Flemme Olympique (Olympic laziness ehehehe)

#IM SORRY THIS ANSWER IS SO LONG NONNIE #thank you for your ask 🥰🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡#please never hesisate to send in an ask #about anything!!#I mean yes. you can hesitate because I talk too much. I can understand that.#but you’ll never bother me 🧡🧡🧡#I hope you’re having a nice day!

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sophie-frm-mars · 2 years

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Ben Shapiro enters his willy wonka era

Disclaimer: Ben Shapiro is a morally bankrupt shitheel who hates women and he doesn't deserve the oxygen of publicity, but this fucking thing has given me brainworms and I need to smoke them out.

Okay so 2023 is doing something AMAZING to the brains of celebrity reactionaries. First Jordan Peterson wore his "twitter suit" with a matching tie that has "little elon musk heads" on it, most aptly described by Sam Seder as JBP entering his "willy wonka era"

But this morning I wake up to see that everyone's favourite facts and logic boy Ben Shapiro has created this fucking monstrosity. This rube goldberg machine of political "science". This mousetrap-ass load of bullshit. I have to conclude that Shapiro is also entering his Wonka era.

So what the fuck is going on here?

Benny has concocted from his powerful mind a formula for determining "governmental legitimacy" which is just such a beautiful artefact of who Ben Shapiro, as opposed to his colleagues, truly is. Clearly the dream of the Intellectual Dark Web never went away, and while others realise that their role within the fetid reanimated corpse of modern conservatism is to troll and clown their way through towards their political vision, Shapiro thinks he's doing real serious business here.

So we're going to use maths to acertain a quality that is by definition subjective. Legitimacy is going to be nil if you consider a government ideologically abhorrent, and if you're a party zealot who believes with total burning passion in the project of the current administration, legitimacy is going to be absolute. That's just fantastic. I love maths. I did my maths A Level two years early. I can't wait to dive in here and learn some maths with Mr. Ben Ass P-word

So the factors in the equation: he uses social solidarity (S), the responsiveness of the government to citizens (R), the "avoidability" of the government (A) which isn't as silly as it sounds to begin with, the efficacy of the government or its ability to implement (I) what it means to do, and all of that is divided by the violation of people's rights (V), the strictness of the laws or regulations (R') and lastly the force used to maintain those laws, or as Shapiro has it the aggressiveness (A').

I'm gonna work backwards through these factors because I think we'll have more fun that way, but I wanna say first that although Shapiro's purpose in producing this abomination is in trying to make it look like you can scientifically determine the legitimacy of a government in a numerical figure, sometimes equations in science are produced not to use exact units or even perform the calculation in them but to get us to agree on the factors that are involved in constituting something like "governmental legitimacy". I wanna say secondly that only a conservative hyperfreak of Ben's calibur could think "governmental legitimacy" is really the Big Political Question of our current moment. Thirdly I'll just say that if you were going to try to make this calculation, the fact that no part of this equation measures how closely the ideology of the government matches the desires of the population (I know, how would you even) or how legally the government's mandate was obtained (again, a nightmare) is just, basically pretty funny.

Okay

Aggressiveness (A') is a reasonably quantifiable factor. We could measure the police budgets per capita that are put towards militarisation, the number of incidents of police brutality supposing we could get non-state reporting on that, the number of police, perhaps a weighted scale of different policing tactics. However, there's already a problem observable in the real world: policing is not uniform. Police brutality, more militaristic policing, more extreme tactics and even vitally where the police are deployed is highly racialised, differentiated by class strata, and as is readily apparent in the imperial core right now, even partisan as police are far more likely to consider leftist protest or disruption to be a serious threat than its right wing counterparts.

Regulations (R') seems theoretically quantifiable, and there are others who have tried to quantify how strict and authoritarian the policy environment created by a government is. We're gonna keep coming back to this same problem though: legitimacy is subjective and if an entire population were absolutely A-OK with being surveilled, jailed, brutalised, taxed, banned, prohibited, spanked and spit on by the state, and they'd voted the government in with a landslide majority to try and do it to em as nasty as possible, many would argue that would be a legitimate government.

Violation (V) of people's rights is again theoretically quantifiable, but which rights, and whose? because Ben Shapiro believes that abortion is murder, and believes that someone's rights are being violated whenever an abortion is performed. Not only that but he has also argued in several places that the pregnant person is being let down by society when they get an abortion because they deserve instead to have support to have and raise the baby, or be able to put the baby up for adoption confident in the quality of life that the child will receive. If you think abortion is murder, the "violation of rights" alone will make the denominator of this fraction absolutely enormous and, unsurprisingly, make the legitimacy of any government that allows abortion to be practiced very very low. Would you look at that, it's like legitimacy is subjective or something waow

Implementation (I) of the things that the government intends to do is actually pretty quantifiable but we need a coefficient attached to implementation here, right? One that can swing positive or negative, that tells us how well the government aligns with the will of the people, because a very effective government that does the opposite of what the people want is more illegitimate than an ineffective government that intends to do what the people want. Maybe that's in Shapiro's definition to begin with, an implementation of what the people want.

Avoidability (A) is actually a very fun and interesting metric for citizen consent. Can people leave if they don't like what the government is doing. I don't actually disagree with the idea of this factor relating to legitimacy at all, and I think it's a fairly decent point, although I'd prefer to see it factor in the possibility of living outside of government jurisdiction within the territory of the state, as well as weighing up the ability to engage partially with state jurisdiction, which would be a much more robust way of understanding "avoidability". Shapiro just defines it like "if people don't like the government they should move", and what can I say but

In all seriousness that opens up a whole second world of "avoidability" right? Like what resources do people have, how mobile are they, can they bring their belongings, resources, family with them if they decide to exercise this right to exit? We can't simply measure the number of emigrants from a country to see how many people "didn't consent" to the government there, because there are all sorts of reasons you wouldn't want to simply move country if you didn't agree with the legitimacy of the government. I'm a trans woman living in Britain and I have to constantly assess and reassess the balance between how much government policy could ruin my life and the enormous weight, cost, effort, alienation, distress and time lost if I had to move country.

Responsiveness(R) is pretty funny to me, because like... responding to what? If I write my local MP to ask for gay space communism and they throw my letter in the bin, they aren't at all responsive to my needs, but like, should they be? Or rather, should they be expected to be? Moreover if they reply and explain that Rishi Sunak isn't amenable to sucking and fucking aboard the starship enterprise, or reply and lie to me and say that it's totally gonna happen if I just vote Labour at the next election, is that responsiveness? If I'm on a waiting list for healthcare, and I write an official complaint to the government body responsible, and they write back telling me I'm not going to get treatment any sooner but they're working on it, is that responsiveness? Okay, supposing responsiveness is quantified in a scale of how quickly and effectively a government directly implements what the citizens ask it to do, we again arrive at the questions of "which" and "who". If our government has a massive majority support and most people are really happy with what they're doing, then the vast majority of complaints and expressed desires from the population will come from the political minority. If the government responds to those requests and implements the will of the political minority, they'll probably become immediately hysterically unpopular, but check this out: then the political majority who previously supported them will start to complain, and then, being a hyper-responsive government, they'll implement very effectively what they've been asked to do, and then the original complaints will return, which they'll respond to, and on and on and on. So the most responsive government imaginable is actually a government that basically everyone would consider illegitimate because they'd appear to be spineless and fickle. This is such a metric I'm actually laughing out loud writing this

Social solidarity (S) is so fascinating. So fascinating. Shapiro explains that a measure of lack of social solidarity is that people will vote for their candidate essentially just to offend their neighbour. I'm not gonna even really engage with this argument pretty much constructed to pander to "Biden stole the election" conspiracy theorists, but rather I wanna talk about how interesting it is that a far-right pundit, religious fanatic and some-time conservative pseudo-libertarian like Ben would use "solidarity" as a positive factor in constructing his model of legitimacy. Again, if we imagine extremes of this, it doesn't work in his calculation at all. A population with extreme social solidarity may well support an authoritarian regime that is constantly refining the vile machinery of necropolitics, or it may be that the population has solidarity because they have raised group consciousness in response to their oppression by the government, so two easy conceptions of social solidarity instantly give opposite outcomes in terms of governmental legitimacy.

What's really interesting to me is how this social solidarity metric fits into the way that people like Ben construct racist propaganda about China. The underpinning myth of China in American conservative propaganda is as a place where the population is in total agreement about the legitimacy and mandate of the ruling party (although in reality this is obviously far from true) and that basis of "mob rule" allows the CCP to persecute political minorities without repercussions. If the picture that American conservatives paint of China were true, the CCP would be an extremely legitimate government at least on this one metric. What Ben has accidentally stumbled upon with his social solidarity metric is a conception of authentic democracy which is, far beyond his ability to assess and analyse, the perfect opposite of his entire political project. If people get together to discuss their problems, to raise group consciousness, to debate and discuss and agree on how they would like the world they live in to function, and then form a government based on their social solidarity, or form no government based on their solidarity and live through direct democracy for that matter, then Ben is saying, that would be a very legitimate political project. Workers of the world unite, says comrade Shapiro

#ben shapiro #why is no one talking about the wonkafication of men

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