Note
I should have been clearer on Nettles. Yes she's is part of the dragonseed and has Valyrian blood but she doesn't look like Valyrian, which is part of why Rhaenyra hates her so much. It's not just because Daemon likes her cause Daemon liked Mysaria too but Nettles just looks like an ordinary black girl, something rare in Westeros and she acquires this ability to bond with a dragon.
There's been discourse on Twitter saying she's not necessary to the plot cause the Velaryons are black as well as the conversation about her being Daemon's daughter.
Oh, yes, absolutely, Rhaenyra's language in regards to Nettles holds racist (and classist) undertones - she straight up calls her a "low creature" and that "You need only look at her to know she has no drop of dragon’s blood in her", i.e. Valyrians can't have her skin colour.
Nettles' story presents an interesting opportunity for a storyteller, because not only is she a WOC, but, unlike the Velaryons, she is also poor and of the commonfolk. So there is intersectionality at play there in the conversation between good and evil and the difficult moral choices that come with acquiring so much power. HOTD is notorious for only focusing on the nobility, so this would be a perfect avenue to interrogate how the war is affecting regular people.
In addition, yes, I believe Nettles being a dragonseed herself was tantamount to her being able to access dragon riding as an ability, but just having the right blood is no guarantee the dragon will accept her, so her being resourceful and clever and using livestock to befriend Sheepstealer is also very important and relevant to her character. But, you know, it is also a decision to transcend and infringe upon the boundaries of humanity, of course with the naiveté and boldness and hope typical of youth, but nevertheless taking hold of that violent capacity for destruction. And I think that fans tend to gloss over that thematic thread for Nettles because they are so fond of her and, thus, are reluctant to view her as anything other than morally uncompromised.
So, in a way, beyond the implication that she might actually be Daemon's daughter who nonetheless gets a grooming narrative, I see Nettles' story as something like hope corrupted, a betterment narrative gone wrong perhaps, in the sense of thinking that this is an opportunity for you to prove your worth to the entire world, that you are more than this fragile flesh or the unlucky circumstances of your birth, making that one wrong decision out of desperation and not realising that you ended up trading your soul instead.
Which is why I think a talented writer could explore many compelling themes with Nettles' character if they were so inclined (hopefully they will be).
#sheepstealer is cute but he's also a dragon in a story where dragons are weapons of mass destruction#people also tend to interpret her ending very positively with the idea that 'she got away'#but hmmmmm did she really?#is a life lived in isolation truly freedom? or does it sound like punishment?#i think that at the very least her ending is meant to make you ponder#nettles#chaoticcoffeequeen#ask
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Izaya Ending
His ending is here along with the smut! MDI after the cut! ALSO I RLLY HAD TO HAVE A FRIEND HELP ME WITH THE SMUT CUZ I WAS SO EMBARRASED TO WRITE IT ALL OMFG-
TW: Dub-con! Degration! Name calling! Oral Sex (both giving and receiving)! Collar! Choking! Vaginal Sex/Penetration! Think that’s it if not lmk!
ALSO I RLLY USED THE MOST WATTPAD BASIC ASS LANGUAGE FOR THIS SMUT THIS IS HOW YOU KNOW THIS SHIT WAS WRITTEN YEARS AGO
PART ONE
“Oh? It seems he even has the Dollars searching for you!”
“ Izaya, please I apologize for anything that I did that caused you to do this, but I need to get back to Shizuo!”
“ And do what? Apologize for my actions and say everything is fine? You truly are different than other humans (Y/N)! Besides, does Shizu-chan know?”
“ K-know what?”
“You can drop the act. I know who you are (Y/N) or should I sa-?!”
“ Izaya, I won’t ask you again. Please, I apologize for what I said or did but I must return to my fiance.”
“ I can’t do that (Y/N). You thought you had me fool, no you thought you had the whole world fooled, but unlike Shizu-chan, I know the real you. You are far too unique, too precious to be in the hands of that brute, that damned monster!”
“ IZAYAAAAAA! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE AND GIVE ME MY DAMN FIANCE!”
“ Speak of the Devil, he really did arrive, didn’t he? (Y/N) it’s better if you stay, wait no- I want you to see God punish his worthless creation, than have his Goddess forgive him and the cycle continues!”
Grabbing her arm, (Y/N) was dragged to the door where Shizuo lay in waiting/ Shizuo’s eyes lit up with hope as (Y/N) arrived, quickly scanning her to ensure that she was not harmed by Izaya.
“ This is low, even for you Izaya. What the hell do you want anyway?”
“ I want (Y/N) of course! How rude of you to keep her from society, from me! She is too perfect, in fact, she is perfection! I can’t stand you of all people, a damn monster near her!”
“ If I am a monster, what the hell does that make you?”
“ That hurt Shizu-chan, but I’m sure my goddess, (Y/N) would forgive you nonetheless!”
Grabbing a stop sign Shizuo prepared to swing at Izaya before seeing (Y/N) duck down.
‘This is too dangerous for (Y/N)! I have to lead him away. . .’
“ You see (Y/N)! This monster swung at you! I told you, he would only hurt you! Stay with me, my Goddess!”
Taking his knife out, he swung it at Shizuo cutting him horizontally across his chest. As Shizuo remained unfazed he swung the sign hitting Izaya as well sending him flying back inside the apartment complex. As Izaya got up and grabbed the knife and (Y/N), before placing the knife under (Y/N)’s throat causing her to panic slightly.
“ (Y/N)! Izaya you damned bastard! Let her go, that’s low. . .”
“ It’s fine! Besides, my Goddess is so forgiving, I'm sure she will let this slide! In fact, I feel as if instead of the way I initially thought, it was you Shizuo who used (Y/N)!”
Catching him off guard Shizuo looked down from (Y/N) with a hurtful expression as he pondered if he did truly use her as Izaya said.
“ Kid. . . ding. . .!”
With that Izaya took this time to spin (Y/N) from his hold and bolted to Shizuo, knife ready and a gun to end this beast’s life. As Shizuo looked up he failed to notice the blade approaching fast, approaching close to his eye until it did, leading to Izaya stabbing Shizuo in the eye causing him to crouch down in pain and hold his eye that was bleeding profusely. Izaya held the gun on his forehead before looking down with insanity filled eyes and a smile to top off the look.
“ Shizuo, let’s ask (Y/N) if she forgives you for using her?”
Turning to the side he was met with (Y/N) sobbing as she looked at him straight in the eyes before blurting out, “ Izaya, please! Leave Shizuo alone! He did nothing wrong! I’ll do whatever you want me to do just please leave him b-!?”
“ Oh but (Y/N), you already are. He did nothing wrong? That sounds like forgiveness! Now Shizuo, any last words?”
Turning slightly noticing he lost the battle and that Izaya won, he mumbled a small “ I love you (Y/N), forgive me” before having his life taken away as well as his fiance.
“ SHIZUO!”
(Y/N) ran to catch his body as she sobbed louder before clutching his arm, the one that held his engagement ring. Looking at his corpse (Y/N) continued saying “I FORGIVE YOU I’M SORRY PLEASE, PLEASE COME BACK!”
“ Heh. . . hehe, ha, haha, HAHAHAAHAHAHA! THIS IS SPLENDID! THIS IS GREAT! THAT DAMNED MONSTER IS GONE! MY GODDESS IS MINE AND MINE ONLY NOW! HEY (Y/N), YOU FORGIVE ME, RIGHT? I MEAN, ON THE BRIGHT SIDE NOW THERE ISN’T A SHIZUO TO EDGE ON, RIGHT?”
“ . . . I-I-I-I-I. . . I f-forgive y-you. . . I forgive you Izaya. . .”
“ SEE I KNEW IT! ISN’T MY GODDESS WONDERFUL? NO MATTER THE CRIME SHE WILL ALWAYS FORGIVE! OH (Y/N) YOU TRULY ARE SPECIAL AND ONE OF A KIND!”
Crouching down to hug (Y/N) from behind, Izaya smiled before speaking.
“ Indeed (Y/N), you truly are special! Who would have guessed in a million years that I would meet the one who changed me! The one who became my goddess, the one who made me see humanity in a new light!”
“ I-I-Izaya. . . why me. . .?
“ Why you ask? Simple, it’s because . . . yOu’Re My FaVoRiTe HuMaN~”
Standing on the rooftop Izaya was speaking with a female in pigtails as he began to tell her that she wasn’t really planning on killing herself and that she had one or two secrets that she didn’t tell anyone, so if her parents had one. . . what was the big deal?
“ All humans lie, hide things, no one really makes it through this life being completely honest. Everyone's the same, no exceptions! Well, that is what I thought until I met (Y/N) (l/n) but I’ll let her do the rest from here on out. What you choose to do is on you in the end so choose carefully~!”
Walking out to the edge with the girl (Y/N) looks and stares at the blood splatter as she turns to her and says, “ we humans will commit the worst of crimes, murder, robbery, rape, you name it. Though, the biggest crime any human can commit and go about not knowing is lying to yourself and making a mistake thinking it will solve the issue. Do not fear, I am not judging you I just want you to know, no matter what you choose to do tonight, I forgive you and I assure you, a second chance is waiting for you all! So please, on the bright side, you now know what is happening and now you know what you can do to change it!”
The girl began to sob as she clutched onto (Y/N) sobbing and pouring her heart out with her smiling as she looked at the girl. After some time she finally left and (Y/N) looked up to the moon before hearing Izaya speak once again before hugging her and smiling.
“ Who would have known, so tell me is this you speaking (Y/N)? Or is it Saika?”
“ You can rest assure it’s me Izaya, but please don’t mention Saika.”
“ I never imagined someone as happy and cheerful as you to wield Saika, more importantly, go through something as traumatic as you have. Oh well, that’s life I guess! I’ll be waiting by the door whenever you wish to leave my Goddess. . .”
“ Alright. . .”
As (Y/N) stared at the moon and then the red blood splatter she began to recall that memory, that small memory that started it all.
~
In a small room all alone lived a young girl in her ‘timeout punishment’ as they called it. It was actually isolation, for three days the young girl hasn’t eaten and was barely drinking enough water to stay alive, but who was she to complain? Looking out she saw several children walking around and playing and it began to sadden the young girl as she could not join them for a small game of tag. Her mother was most likely with some other man and so was her father. As they argued and took out their stress out on other people, such as their daughter (Y/N), they failed to realize the young girl apologize for everything.
Blood stained the nice mats and floors as two bodies lay on top of each other with wounds in their stomachs causing their entrails to leap out.
“ I’m sorry mother and father! I apologize, if I wasn’t so weak then this never would have happened. On the bright side, I have freedom now! I also heard that I can play with the neighborhood kids too! Ah, don’t look at me like that mom! I know that I caused you so much pain, but you did too! I know for a fact that I should have done so much more but it’s fine mother! Father was upset when I defied the orders but then again father always got mad! I ended up reading a book on how to make friends and it said that I should try to make them happy and if I make them sad to apologize! I love people mom and dad! I’m scared they won’t like me or worse hate me! Which is why I need to make them happy, which is why I need to be happy! I don’t know when they are sad so I will just apologize if I do something you would disapprove of mom, dad!”
~
Looking down from the moon (Y/N) smiled before turning to face Izaya and walking side by side. He too was hurt and didn’t know how else to cope so it was fine! Besides, you’ve made so many friends so any sacrifice that was paid was rightfully paid! After all, you were his goddess and he treated you like one! You’ve made so many friends so it’s been working right! Well whatever, just remember that (Y/N) is afraid of people hating her and never wanting her, so treat a friend right before you start to see not only you fall but they themselves.
“ What are you thinking about (Y/N)?”
“ Nothing much Izaya, c’mon let’s go home if that’s all. I still have dinner to make!”
“Indeed, so what are we making?”
“ well, what’s your favorite meal?”
“Well, what was Shizu-chan’s favorite meal?”
“ Well. . . if you want we can make that. . .”
“ Then it’s settled! Hey (Y/N). . . you don’t hold it against me for killing Shizu-chan do you?”
(Y/N) turned to look at Izaya who held the same crazed expression as he did when he pulled the trigger. Shaking her head (Y/N) looked up to smile at Izaya before mouthing, ‘I forgive you Iza-chan!”
Smiling at the nickname he approached the girl standing before him as he grabbed her by the waist before kissing her softly. Soon after the kiss turned heated as his tongue found its way next to the girls as their tongues entwined together. Feeling the need to breathe, they separated as their only connection was the string of saliva that hung from both of their lips.
" You are just so forgiving and unpredictable. . . It's exciting to see what our dear (Y/N)-chan will do when faced with a predicament but I think it's more exciting to see how much you of all people can hold on, can withstand before you break! Don't worry my Goddess, because you have me to help you!"
"Thank you Iza-chan! I appreciate that you will make me happy as much as I make you happy!"
Grabbing the (h/c) haired female, Izaya began to walk downstairs with his goddess in hand as his mind raced and began to wonder, how far would your relationship with Shizuo last, that is if he was still alive? Well, whatever the case was, Izaya wasn't going to lose to Shizuo so with a sadistic, yet smug grin, he turned to the female he held in his hand and said,
"(Y/N) - Chan. . . How does a baby sound to you?"
Pushing Y/N onto the bed, Izaya began to remove his jacket. Pressing kisses onto her neck, mumbling to himself about how this child would be absolutely perfect.
"I-Iza. . .?"
"Shh. . . (Y/N) - Chan~ don't worry~ The pain you will experience will only make you stronger, our baby will be the summit of all of humanity. Our child will be born to be the perfect mix of our best qualities.”
"Iza. . . I-I. . . If you want a baby then I'll give you one, I'll give birth to our baby. . ."
" Perfect~ Just to make sure that monster hasn't tainted you, he didn't touch you did he?"
"No. . . We decided to wait till marriage. . . But it's fine Iza! I mean the one I love is well. . . you isn't it?"
Not liking the response the young girl gave him Izaya smirked before turning to a straight face filled with anger and lust.
"That's perfect!~ That means I'll be your first right (Y/N)-chan?"
“O-Of course! You’ll be my very first Iza!”
"That's perfect! (Y/N), you should do more than love me, you should worship you me like your God, your savior, and your salvation. So until then, until I know I have your life, love, admiration, and belief, you are just a lowly human that doesn't deserve my attention."
"Iza! I'm sorry for what I said, but I hope you still know I love y-!?"
"Apologizing isn't enough (Y/N) - Chan!~ You need to show me you mean it! Show me your love, your faith, show me who you belong to, lowly human. . . "
" W-w-what should I do?"
"Well. . . That's up to you to decide! I'm sure Shizuo asked you to do something naughty before right~"
"W-w-well t-t-that's-!?"
" So you aren't denying it! Well, I guess I'll have you so the same but show more devotion to me! Show me your love!"
Understanding what he meant (Y/N) turned to the side before nodding and proceeded to get off the bed getting on the floor before nearing Izaya again.
Izaya began to smirk seeing how submissive (Y/N) was acting and decided to edge her on more.
"Let's make a bet (Y/N) chan~"
"A bet?"
(Y/N) tilted her head slightly adding to her "cute" factor causing Izaya to smirk seeing how he was about to taint his Goddess before that monster did.
"Yes! Let's see. . . Oh! I know! If you can show me your faith by simply being a little naughty then I'll reward you! If not, you'll get punished!"
"P-p-punished?!"
(Y/N) scared expression causing Izaya to harden upon her expression.
"After all, a lowly human like you has to be punished already for doubting in your God! Now (Y/N) - Chan, let's start!"
(Y/N) began to near Izaya's jeans and nervously began to unbuckle them before turning away with red dusting her facial features.
"Aww is a sinner embarrassed to face her punishment? Her God?"
Nodding slowly, (Y/N) began to turn around to face Izaya who was smirking as he saw the young girl timidly stare at his erect member.
(Y/N) began to fumble with his boxers as she blushed before thinking about the previous time she did something like this. It was late afternoon, Shizuo and (Y/N) had a mini drinking competition which lead to some intense moments. As soon as her mind came back to her she realized that Izaya's member was exposed and she was staring at it.
A small chuckle brought her out of her daze before she remembered that she needed to do this, to avoid punishment, she didn't mind doing what she was going to do, but if she didn't do well, she was going to be punished and she feared that a lot more.
(Y/N) began to near his member and placed a small kiss upon the tip causing Izaya to shift a little as he stared at the female below him as she nervously wrapped her lips about his member, begin to slowly suck on it.
Izaya tilted his head back as he tried to silence his moans. His Goddess was tempting him, in fact, he had to restrain himself from taking her then and there.
"A-a-ah. . . (Y/N)-c-chan. . . ~"
Letting small moans escape his mouth he looked down to see the young female, she was red from embarrassment and small tears slipping from her eyes as she continued to tease the young male.
As the female began to suck a little harder, Izaya bit his lip but it was futile as he huffed a little before letting out soft moans.
"(Y/N) - chan!~ I-I-I a-a-ahh~"
Letting his lust get the best of him he grabbed (Y/N)'s hair and pushed her mouth further in causing her to choke a little and to deep throat him. Getting used to his length was difficult for the young girl as she was trying to match the speed of his forcefulness and her own.
Izaya was shaking a little as he began to chuckle as he stared deep into the girl’s eyes before whispering and grunting a little in response.
"S-so (Y/N)-chan. . No more like a lowly human. . . Do you believe that was enough? Are you going to finish and follow through with your punishment?"
(Y/N) continued to suck on his member before hearing more smaller grunts indicating he was close and he was. Izaya was blushing as he continued biting his lip, although this degrading was a big turn on for him and hopefully his "lowly human" he couldn't conceal his excitement as he let one more moan out before releasing inside the girl’s mouth.
"Swallow."
(Y/N), already a step ahead, began to swallow the male’s cum making sure to get any leftovers around her mouth.
"Good job, but I still didn't feel your devotion, your faith in your actions. Nonetheless, I did feel pleasure, so I'll reward you my lowly human~"
Izaya began to reach for a collar of some sort before showing it off to (Y/N). As she soon understood the message she allowed him to place it on her, she made sure her hair wasn't a bother as she allowed Izaya to gently place it around her neck. Soon after it was placed Izaya noticed how the collar had a circular ring piece in the center and as he smirked he allowed his fingers to wrap around the ring before yanking it causing (Y/N) to jerk forward and meeting his hungry gaze.
"You were so good, but not good enough. . . Out of my utter kindness as your God. . . I'll pleasure you as well lowly human."
"I-Iza. . . I-I-I l-love y-yo-?!"
"THROUGH ACTION! NOT WORDS, ACTION!"
Izaya grabbed the collar and dragged you to the bed, not before turning and witnessing your red face, you were being slightly choked due to the tightness of the collar, small tears from the previous event and the biggest turn on, you were drooling a bit and it was so cute, like a little ahegao face.
" You look so fucking hot, are you tempting me? Do you wish to seduce me and make me forget your crimes? Well, that won't work human, but that doesn't mean I can't play with you~"
"I-Izaya w-what are you doin- a-a-ahh~"
Small moans escaped from the girl’s mouth as Izaya began to kiss her, his tongue entering her mouth and slowly melting together with hers causing ultimate bliss. Halfway during the kiss, Izaya's hands wandered downwards to the girl’s jeans before he unbuckled them and proceeded to pull them down causing the girl to gasp.
"Izaya! W-wait!?"
" I believe you mean God~"
(Y/N)'s jeans were removed as Izaya's fingers began to near her clothed womanhood. As he massaged your clit through your (f/c) underwear he smirked as he saw his goddess bright red and soft moans and mewling sounds as he made her feel pleasure. Soon after his fingers made it inside and he massaged her womanhood with much ease and it drove poor (Y/N) crazy.
"I-Izaya. . ."
" I think you mean God my lowly human!~"
"G-God. . . I-I f-feel strange. . ."
" Not yet! Don't tell me that's all! Well, I guess I better start!"
Izaya neared (Y/N) womanhood as his tongue went to meet her clit and massaged it ever so gently. Making sure she could experience everything he made sure to hold onto her thighs before sucking and nibbling lightly against the bundle of nerves. Causing her back to arch, (Y/N) moaned in pleasure before Izaya began to change not only where he was attacking but the speed. He slid his tongue up and down one last time before he used his tongue to plunge into (Y/N) womanhood. His tongue went in and out of you as you moaned loudly, it was driving you over the edge. Soon after he stopped before getting up and returning back to his position, straddling you but he replaced his tongue with his finger gaining more access. To start off "soft" he allowed two fingers to access the girl plunging them in and out at a small pace before adding another and going faster causing the girl to moan and turn to face her God.
" I-I-I f-feel f-funny. . ."
" It's only a matter of time, my dear human."
(Y/N) began to feel a knot in her abdomen, it was getting more intense and tight with each time his fingers went inside of her. As she was reaching the point of no return he began to speed up as (Y/N) let out one more moan before her body trembled as her eyes slightly rolled back as her juices sprayed everywhere especially on Izaya's fingers. Izaya smirked before seductively removing his finger from inside of (Y/N) and licked them before smiling softly. He leaned down to whisper,
"That was amazing! You taste so sweet I can't get enough of it!~ but. . . I think it's time we moved onto the main event don't you think, my lowly human, my little slut. . ."
It was only at this point that (Y/N) noticed the mirror facing the bed. It was a large, floor mirror that gave the observer a good view of the bed. It hadn’t been there before meaning one thing: Izaya had bought it just for this event.
“Ah, I see you’ve noticed it, finally! The perfect instrument for this night of trial! It’s there to test you, you see. . .”
Izaya’s hands snaked around (Y/N) to the back of her shirt. From there, he pulled one of the straps holding her shirt up, letting the tie unravel.
“You didn’t really think that our fun, little night would end here, did you? I said we were gonna have a main event; an event with a special little treat for you, my lowly slut. Take it all off, we shouldn’t waste any time!”
(Y/N) sat up in shock. Izaya was being too candid, too forward. The darkness of the room led to Izaya’s face having dark shadows. The look made him too lustful and brought a familiar knot to (Y/N)’s abdomen.
Leaning in, Izaya whispered, “Hurry up.”
With shaking hands, (Y/N) brought her hands to her top and took it off in one swoop. The air suddenly surrounded her and she felt ever colder. The easy part was over, but now came the bra. She had been dying to take it off ever since they arrived home, but she couldn’t have expected that it would be in this situation.
She could feel her face flushing red as she undid the hooks behind her back. She couldn’t bear to face Izaya, but she could still feel his lustful gaze directed towards her. She could feel him surveying every part of her body in arousal.
When she finally slipped the garment off, her body may have been cold but she could still feel the heat pouring between her legs. The air enveloped her body and made her nipples harden up. They perked up even more when Izaya brought his face closer to her.
“No matter what, I want you to look at me. It’s the very least a whore like you can do during this. If you can prove yourself through this, then you’ll get through this next trial~”
Without breaking his gaze, Izaya began to descend upon her chest. Taking one bud into his mouth, he began to swirl his tongue around it. His other hand pinched the remaining nipple and worked together to create a rhythm. Popping it out of his mouth, he bit into the skin around (Y/N)’s chest before moving on to the opposite bud. The sensation made her mind cloud and her mouth threatened to let moans escape. Every part of her body was on fire.
“Mmm. . . Is this pleasurable for you? Are you enjoying it? Don’t forget, my little bitch, that you have to prove your love for me. How devoted are you really?”
“Izaya, I-”
“How many times do I have to say this, (Y/N), only through your actions. Hm. . . Maybe a little punishment will help set you straight?”
Izaya kneeled up from the bed, pulling (Y/N)’s collar with it. The collar constricted around her neck, bringing a wave of euphoria as she was choked for those few seconds as he filled the two of them, leading to Y/N being on top of Izaya.
“Don’t think this is how we end it. Just for now, you’re nothing more than a slave with a hole. If you ever want to be anything more, prove it.”
Staring at him for a few seconds, (Y/N) was in disbelief of what she was hearing. Did Izaya really believe that, that she was just a warm hole for him? And she already sucked him off, what more did she have to prove?”
“Well go on, prove your devotion to your god, to your complete master.”
(Y/N) knew what she had to do. Her whole body was shaking as she lifted herself on top of Izaya. She could feel her cunt getting wetter by the second, almost soaking Izaya’s midsection. She couldn’t believe that she was doing this with Izaya, much less how obedient she was. It was her first time, she should be hesitant! Maybe she had been secretly wanting this for so long?
Once she was in position, she began to lower herself onto Izaya’s member before being stopped by Izaya.
“Ah, ah, ah, did you think that this is your only punishment? No, no, no! Turn around, (Y/N), face the mirror. If you dare to look away for even a split second, your god will make sure you get disciplined.”
(Y/N) found it good to not upset Izaya. That would be an adventure for another time. Hesitantly, (Y/N) turned around to look at herself in the mirror. When she saw herself, she couldn’t believe the state of her appearance. (Y/N) looked like an arousing mess. Her hair was messy, but it looked artistic in a way. Her hairs were jumbled up and her lips were swollen. Her chest was flushed, riddled with hickeys and as hard as ever.
“Remember what I said~”
Filled with determination, (Y/N) rose onto her Izaya and steadied herself. She lowered herself onto Izaya’s member, sliding it in with ease. It hurt a lot at the start, but the pain went away and was quickly replaced with arousal. (Y/N) felt like a crab, looking at herself in the mirror. It was uncomfortable to watch, but she didn’t dare disobey Izaya.
She started moving up and down, watching as her breasts bounced along with her body. Izaya laid below her, helping her along by holding her waist. His fingers dug into her sides, making her squirm around. If only she could see him, what face would he be making?
The room was echoing the moans of both (Y/N) and Izaya. He stayed silent, except for his grunts and the occasional moan. That, along with the sight of such a lewd image right before her eyes, made the knot in her stomach grow and grow.
The wet claps grew within the room, along with Izaya’s heightened pace. Now, his nails dug into her sides but she didn’t dare comment on it. (Y/N) was too distracted by the intensity of her senses. Her hair started to stick onto her face and she found herself moving into Izaya’s thrusts. Her arms were burning from the position, she kept trying to adjust herself into a better position.
Izaya’s hands briefly left her waist to play with her breasts some more, before returning to add some much-needed support. The clapping now was wetter, almost sounding empty and echoey. (Y/N)’s abdomen could feel herself tightening around Izaya, but the position just wasn’t enough. Lifting herself up more, she raised her heels and put all her balance on the balls of her feet. The position was just enough and to add more friction, pounding Izaya in further.
She lowered her hand to play with her clit before her own hand was replaced by Izaya. He said nothing as he played with her folds, rubbing and tugging at it with ways that sent (Y/N) into a frenzy. Her legs twitched and shook, threatening to compromise her position.
Soon, the passion was more than (Y/N) could withstand. She came all over Izaya, feeling the liquid flow out of her. Her vision blurred and she could feel chills wash over her body. Between her legs, it felt as if everything was pulsating and her heart was ringing in her ears. Izaya followed shortly afterwards, removing himself from her insides and letting her fall onto her side.
His arm snaked around (Y/N) once more, pulling her closer.
“Guess what, my sweet (Y/N). You passed! You managed to catch my attention through that amazing performance! What do you think?”
(Y/N) had no thought within her mind. The pulsating still hadn’t gone away and the fluid between her legs still felt sticky. If there was one thing she knew, it was that this baby would certainly end up interesting.
#yandere#yandere durarara#yandere durarara x reader#yandere izaya#yandere izaya orihara#yandere izaya x reader#yandere izaya orihara x reader#yandere x reader#yandere x y/n#yandere x darling#yandere x you#yandere headcanons#yandere anime#yandere headcannons#yandere imagines#yandere fanfiction
41 notes
·
View notes
Note
Maybe some general headman nonsense for Madame red and Francis?
Why not? This should be interesting. Let’s see🤔.
Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, paranoia, manipulation, strictness, blackmailing, threatening, bribing, mentions of kidnapping, mentions of killing
Yandere Black Butler Hc’s
Madam Red
🩺Madam Red is definitely a possessive Yandere. She has every reason to. She lost her first love to her sister, lost her husband and her unborn child, her ability to ever have children again and her sister and the husband of her sister!! This woman here fulfills every need to be possessive. For this reasons she’s obviously the overprotective one as well.
🩺I can think of her as the lovestruck and clingy type as well. She lost her first and second love and you can bet that she absolutely adores her darling, getting all lovey dovey with them. Her clingyness is connected with her possessiveness, she doesn’t trust this world with her darling and she also loves it to be near her s/o.
🩺Possessive and clingy are never a good mix and this woman here has every good reason to be paranoid as hell so she’s jealous and paranoid as soon as someone even breathes in the s/o’s direction. She tries to not be too obvious, but she’ll immediately be by her s/o’s side and pretend to be all happy and talkative with the other person who made her jealous whilst already thinking about ways to make their life a living hell.
🩺She comes from a very high position and can rely on that most of the time, spreading some dirty rumors about the person and ruining their life like this. But if she can’t do that because the person themself is from a high status or because they did something far worse to her darling then she gets this kind of paranoia that could start wars. If she’s already working with Grell together at that time she’ll convince her to kill that person.
🩺Enjoy your freedom while you still have it because this woman will take you almost immediately after finding out that she’s truly and utterly in love with you. Possessive and paranoid are just double trouble and I can guarantee you that this woman will never let you out of her mansion again. She’ll probably let you in the garden from time to time, but that’s all.
🩺She’ll isolate you from the outside world, but can you really blame her after all what happened to her? Probably not. But at least she makes sure to always assure that you’re satisfied and happy. All she wants is to keep you safe and sound.
Frances Midford
💋Frances strikes me as an aware and strict type. She’s smart and knows that her feelings are definitely not normal. It’s important for her that rules are being observed and that’s why she expects much from her darling. If they don’t follow the rules then they should be prepared for some harsh and cold scolding from her.
💋Also the possessive and manipulative Yandere. I already labeled Edward as the possessive one and now you know from whom he got this. I can definitely see Frances as the manipulative one, she most likely uses this to get the s/o to behave and to ensure that they stay with her.
💋Frances can hold on for a good amount of time, it’s important to get that no one catches on to her unnatural feelings for her darling so she lets them talk to whoever they wish to, but if they get too close to someone for her taste she’ll step in. She’s a respected woman and can be pretty intimidating if she wants to so most people will back automatically back up when they see her.
💋She would never kill and let’s be honest, it isn’t even necessary given her position. She can destroy someone if she wants to with all the influence she has, but only does this if someone gave her a good reason too. But don’t expect her to show mercy once someone has given her a reason.
💋As mentioned, she’s manipulative and will most likely be able to convince her darling to live willingly with them, but if she can’t convince her darling to come willingly to her she’ll blackmail them.
💋If you would tell anyone about this no one would believe you. Frances, the respected and always rules observing woman would do something like this? No way! People will think you’re crazy and that’s exactly what’s so dangerous about Frances. She makes sure that no one will believes you and you won’t be able to escape her. Even if you would try she would find you quickly with all the contacts she has and makes sure that you get a fair punishment after that. At least she only punishes you if you did something really bad and is always very reasonable with you.
#yandere black butler#yandere kuroshitsuji#yandere madam red#yandere angelina#yandere angelina durless#yandere frances#yandere frances midford
55 notes
·
View notes
Text
Chuuya Nakahara Yandere Alphabet
Anonymous said:
Sounds good! How about the alphabet for chuuya? :3c
accidentally posted this to my main blog after writing a huge apology for my lack of posting :/ i keep doing that unfortunately. anyways, ive had a full week exams which is why i havent been posting. im extremely tired and stressed but i will try to get more requests done this week, though i have another week of exams. i do apologise, but itll be over soon. i hope you enjoy anon, this short bastard is one of my favs. <3
Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?
Chuuya would gladly smother you in endless kisses and cuddles, but if you tell him to back off, he'll stick to just having an arm around you (because god forbid he isn't touching you in one way or another). You'll often hear him whispering how much he absolutely adores you when he thinks you're asleep, and when you're visibly awake he'll be showering you in compliments.
Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?
Oh, Chuuya will undoubtedly do whatever it takes to keep you safe, even if that results in bloody murder. He's in the mafia after all, what's a little blood on his hands, especially in the name of love?
Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?
Chuuya would only mock you if you consistently failed to escape or were getting punished by him. Otherwise, he is generally loving and as romantic as possible. He will always make sure you're eating and sleeping properly, snapping at you if you refuse to eat as he gets awfully worried about you sometimes.
Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling's will?
No, not really. The only instances where something's against his darlings will is when he's punishing them. Other than that, it's mainly abduction and the lack of freedom to talk to people.
Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?
Chuuya confides in his darling, and will show a side of himself that no one else ever sees. He'll ask for advice on work matters and will constantly seek love and reassurance from his darling. While outwardly he may still appear tough and cocky, he's really soft for you.
Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?
He would be pretty irritated and though he'd never admit it, quite hurt. Why can't you just love him, goddamnit?! He'll try not to hurt you too much, but if you're not backing down he will use force to get you to stop.
Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?
Chuuya doesn't enjoy it in the slightest. His love for you isn't some 'game' and seeing you try to escape both infuriates and saddens him. All he truly wants is to be a happy, normal couple so your refusal to love him is not something he enjoys.
Hell: What would be their darling's worst experience with them?
Chuuya isn't always fully aware of how strong he actually is, especially when he uses Corruption and becomes out of control. This can lead to a terrifying situation where you're worried for your life as a monster in your boyfriend's body goes on a rampage and destroys everything around him. It rarely happens, as Chuuya really doesn't want to hurt you, but when it does it's a living nightmare.
Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?
Honestly, Chuuya doesn't really know what kind of future he wants for him and his darling, but ideally you two would move to some beautiful island — somewhere in the Caribbean, maybe? — get married, possibly start a family and live out the rest of your days in bliss.
Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?
Luckily, Chuuya isn't insanely possessive and doesn't lash out just because you looked at someone else, but he is paranoid. He has to keep you away from other people because, what if they attempt to hurt you? The only instance where he would genuinely become jealous is if Dazai was involved. This is when you'll see his full yandere side come out and it will be extreme: locking you up in highly secure room, restraining you, putting tracking devices in everything you own, anything to ensure your safety. If you were to show an interest in Dazai, whether platonic or even worse, romantic, his paranoia and jealousy would spike up tenfold — essentially guaranteeing you'll never see the light of day again.
Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?
Chuuya is generally really loving and calm towards his darling, still messing with them and lovingly calling them an idiot, but always so soft when speaking. However, if you were to be a brat, his rougher, more 'mafia' side would make an appearance— any soft words of reassurance thrown out the window.
Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?
The 'traditional' way: flirting with you, taking you out on fancy dates and gifting you jewellery and flowers. He may seem smooth but he usually has to ask people (Kouyou) or the internet for advice on how to win someone's affections. He's also very observant to what you're interested in, so if you mention preferring movies to fancy dinners, that's where your next date will be.
Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?
Yes, but in a good way. Instead of being his 'tough executive' persona, when he's around you, he'll reveal a much sweeter and softer side of himself. He's also surprisingly affectionate, taking every opportunity to be as close to you as possible.
Naughty: How would they punish their darling?
Chuuya doesn't generally plan out punishment, he tends to go into a fit of rage and attack you with whatever is nearest. Usually it results in you being choked, slammed repeatedly against the floor or him almost breaking your ribs with his foot. Once he's calmed down is when he will decide on a proper punishment, such as keeping you restrained to the bed, taking away certain privileges or maybe if you've really done something bad... a more permanent solution will be used.
Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?
As long as his darling was relatively compliant, Chuuya's only real restriction would be the ability to go outside alone without the safety of his watchful eye. Of course, if you betrayed his trust, any hint of freedom you had previously would be stripped away.
Patience: How patient are they with their darling?
Chuuya tries to be patient, he really does, but he's just so hotheaded that he often ends up snapping at his darling whenever they act up in the slightest.
Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?
To put it simply: no. No one else can make Chuuya feel this way, and without his wonderful darling, he feels distanced from the world. It is likely he would continue working for the Port Mafia (unless they were involved in your escape/death), a mere shell of his former self only existing to serve the mafia rather than actually living.
Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?
Chuuya would feel a small amount of guilt if he had to kidnap you, but his belief that it's necessary for your protection would overrule the guilt. He would absolutely never let you go, you're like the anchor that keeps him human; he cannot lose you.
Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?
Like Dazai, Chuuya feels almost inhuman, like he is a foreigner in someone else's body, yet when he brushed hands with you, he felt something real. This is what drives him to get to know you: the desperation to be human. The more he spends time with you, the more this feeling increases — leading him to be unable to just allow you to leave him. Ironically, he becomes less human the more time he devotes to you.
Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?
Chuuya really doesn't like seeing you upset, and it hurts his heart having to punish you when you're so upset, but some things are just a necessary evil. If you've done something he considers to be really bad, he will be apathetic to your tears, believing you deserve whatever you're suffering.
Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?
Unlike a lot of yanderes, Chuuya does respect your boundaries to a degree, and won't force you to do anything you really protest against (aside from letting you go, of course).
Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?
Chuuya has to leave for work nearly everyday, so if you're smart and able to break locks, you have a fairly good chance of escaping. However, even if you do escape, Chuuya will find you again, and he won't take the betrayal lightly.
Wit's end: Would they ever hurt their darling?
Chuuya has a pretty short temper, especially when it comes to the safety of his darling, so if you persistently tried to escape or "put yourself in danger" (interacting with Dazai, refusing food), he may snap. As stated previously, he doesn't enjoy your pain, but sometimes it's necessary to get you to listen.
Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?
Despite his sometimes arrogant nature, Chuuya sees his darling as on an entirely separate level to himself. He practically worships you, though he doesn't always like to show it (he's got to keep up his tough guy persona after all) and would gladly do anything you asked. His loyalty to you is even able to override his loyalty to the Port Mafia.
Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?
Chuuya would make an effort to woo you, buying you flowers and taking you out on fancy dinners, hoping that you'll end up wanting to be in a relationship with him. He'll vehemently deny being so desperate to be with you, but it's pretty obvious he's hopelessly in love. If you were to continuously reject his advances, he may eventually end up kidnapping you, but only if he thought you were in danger (or that another person was making a move on you).
Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?
If he did end up breaking you, it wouldn't be intentional. All Chuuya wants is your unconditional love and affection, but he can get desperate if you're not showing it and will make you say how much you love him, even if you have to be put through hell to achieve it.
#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere male#yandere bungou stray dogs#yandere bsd#bsd x reader#bsd imagine#chuuya x reader#chuuya nakahara x reader#yandere chuuya#yandere chuuya nakahara#yandere imagine#yandere scenario#yandere headcanons#yandere alphabet#chuuya nakahara#chuuya nakahara imagine#yandereverse#yancore#yanderecore
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Unspoken
If there's one thing Jaskier truly has in life, it's his ability to use words. And although he knows there are a lot of things that can comfortably go unspoken, he himself is not one of them; without his words, Jaskier would be all but unborn.
A/N: this is my 100th fanfic, which is just crazy, and i think jaskier deserves to be the focus of this milestone as he's inspired so much of my writing lately, so here's a whole lotta lowercase angst <3
-
jaskier is unborn
and he is unspoken
because his parents had never considered having a child, never considered even being capable of having a child
but none of them have a choice in the matter because he is destined to be brought into the world and it is finally his time.
.
jaskier is born
and he is quiet murmurs
because that’s all his mother and father can afford in fear of being discovered or captured or imprisoned
and because they know that they will never be able to give their child a life worthy of how precious he is to them.
.
jaskier is one
and he is intermittent wails
because babies need endless love but his parents are far too busy trying not to be caught to give enough of it to him,
because all he wants is to be heard and held and helped but more often than not, he is simply hushed in fear of being hunted.
.
jaskier is two
and he is monosyllabic mumbles
because he knows that the women around him aren’t his parents but he doesn’t know who exactly they are
and he wants to ask them but they don’t understand and they keep distracting him with food and music and he so easily forgets his questions.
.
jaskier is three
and he is hushed mutterings
because he is trying so hard to talk just like everyone around him
but all they do is tell him to be quiet, to make sure nobody is disturbed by him, to act as if he is a grown up and not an annoying child.
.
jaskier is four
and he is excited shouts
because he is young and wild and he is learning so much about the world and its beauty
even if people are constantly telling him not to make a mess or cause a fuss or generally remind anyone of the wilderness steadily growing inside him.
.
jaskier is five
and he is bold questions
because he runs off and finds a man who holds wood but makes sound and he is so, so excited to learn how to do the same
but then someone else finds him and all he is left asking is why his mother and father won’t let him go outside.
.
jaskier is six
and he is hidden cries
because no, he can’t have an extra bread roll for after dinner and no, he can’t take another slice of cake for the new friend he’s not supposed to have,
and he is so sad about it but he knows that being heard is only going to make things worse.
.
jaskier is seven
and he is confused moans
because his head aches and his stomach burns and his eyes hurt and he doesn’t know what’s happening
but nobody tells him that he was ill until after he’s recovered because they’d all thought he was dying and hadn’t seen the point in wasting their time on him.
.
jaskier is eight
and he is angry yells
because he wants to go and see the girl with the instruments but his teachers keep telling him he needs to learn about his history instead
and he really doesn’t see the point in learning about dead people when the ones he can see from the window make him feel so alive.
.
jaskier is nine
and he is wistful demands
because he really does want to play with his siblings like everyone keeps telling him to
but none of them want to play with him in return and he doesn’t know what he’s meant to do about that.
.
jaskier is ten
and he is unapologetic arguments
because all he wants to do is play his lute but his mother keeps telling him he shouldn’t
and his father looks at him as if he’s become a monster when he says he doesn’t want to be like everyone else in their boring house.
.
jaskier is eleven
and he is desperate pleas
because he has heard about the harsh ways of temple schools and he doesn’t want to go
even though a small part of him thinks it might be better than being forced to act like some kind of decoration in order to always please their guests.
.
jaskier is twelve
and he is hesitant singing
because he loves figuring out how to match his music to the words in his head that beg to be written out on paper
but it seems that other boys just want to learn about the deadliest weapons and he’s not very good at those if his numerous trips to healers have anything to say about it.
.
jaskier is thirteen
and he is stifled sobs
because sometimes learning is painful and not learning fast enough is even more painful
and being quiet when getting punished is apparently just another thing that he has to learn if he wants to do well in life.
.
jaskier is fourteen
and he is snide remarks
because his words are the only defence he has and he’s not about to back down from any kind of fight
even if that means the tears his opponents may shed are met with blood on his end, even if that means he also has to get used to running and hiding.
.
jaskier is fifteen
and he is careless laughter
because his musical skills give him freedom, the only kind of freedom he truly has and can ever have,
and he no longer wants to waste his time competing with his classmates when there’s a world of adventure out there, waiting to be claimed.
.
jaskier is sixteen
and he is anguished sighs
because the boy he so foolishly gave his heart to has left him behind for someone who was less of a nuisance
but he doesn’t understand what he’d done wrong and he can’t share his sadness with anyone lest they make fun of him.
.
jaskier is seventeen
and he is poetic lies
because he needs to leave and he needs to leave as soon as possible and he has learned the hard way that truth gets him nowhere
so he builds himself a falsehood and he abandons nobility without a second thought, without even once looking back.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is optimistic narrations
because the world can be rather plain and it takes time to convince people that there’s more to life than simply getting by
but it’s not an easy task and being pessimistic would essentially be the equivalent of giving up before truly beginning.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is flirtatious compliments
because more often than not, his audiences find his performance appealing for more than one reason
and if it puts a roof over his head or gives him ideas for new ballads, then he really doesn’t mind the different kinds of attention he receives.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is awkward observations
because there is a beautiful witcher in his tavern and he wants nothing more than to get to know him
even if that means embarrassing himself in the process of gaining both bruises and a consistent friend.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is ambitious vows
because he has learnt that the tales of witchers from his teachers were all wrong and he can’t stop himself from needing to fix that,
no matter how many times they have to be thrown out of taverns and towns in the process.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is relentless ramblings
because geralt has something of an allergy to words and rarely replies with more than half a sentence
but he doesn’t mind because he finally has the chance to talk and talk and talk without being locked away inside a room too small to contain all of his thoughts.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is muffled screams
because gods does it hurt to be hit or stung or bitten or scratched by their latest contracts, but he doesn’t want to alarm geralt or slow him down
and he’s well-versed in how to treat his own wounds thanks to everyone who tried to stop him from being himself in the past.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is midnight whispers
because witchers don’t think they’re loveable and he so dearly wants to change that
even if it means repeating himself over and over under the moonlight until he’s met with a small smile and given something like trust.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is isolated comments
because he knows he should no longer still be eighteen
but he is afraid that saying so to anyone else will result in him being at the wrong end of a witcher’s silver sword.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is exasperated groans
because yennefer might be beautiful but she is a beautiful sort of poison and he really wants nothing to do with her
but it’s just his luck that the man he loves wants everything to do with her, so much so that he all but ruins their lives because of it.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is mirthful jokes
because there is a powerful young princess who needs to be entertained and he is good at making bargains with even the sharpest of rulers
but even he is not brave enough to tell her what her grandmother wishes never to speak of so he sticks to just making sure she’s okay.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is pained curses
because it turns out dragons are so much more of a mess than he’d signed up for
and actually, he’d never signed up for them in the first place so losing his muse is one thing he shouldn’t actually blame on himself.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is hollow bargains
because he truly no longer cares what he has to trade in order to ensure he survives to see another day
and it really doesn’t matter to him what happens as long as he can carry on performing.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is unstoppable shrieks
because there is a merciless army out hunting for the people he spent so long loving
but they have little patience for his honesty and they have even less patience for the fabricated nonsense that spills from him when the agony becomes too loud.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is broken howls
because it hurts to inhale and it hurts to exhale and it hurts to even exist at all
and the worst part is that he knows he will be forgotten and he will never have been important and he will have failed.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is desperate babbling
because mages are far worse than he’d ever thought they could be and they have so many different ways to break people
and in the end, the easiest way to break him is to take away the one thing he has left to lose, the one thing that makes him who he is.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is soft whimpers
because the information he would never reveal truly has no way of being made available anymore
and there is nothing left for him to do but wait for everyone to get bored of how useless he is to them.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is surprised breaths
because he had assumed he would die before seeing daylight again but he wakes up to three sets of very concerned eyes,
all of which never stop staring at him as if he is weak and fragile and nothing like the versions of him they didn’t want to keep.
.
jaskier is eighteen
and he is internal confessions
because he’s more than glad to know that the people he cares for are still alive
but his language of love has always been verbal and it turns out he can no longer speak it, or anything else for that matter.
.
jaskier is
and jaskier is not
for jaskier lost himself somewhere amidst being eighteen,
and jaskier has no words
so he has circled all the way back to being unborn
and he is forever
unspoken.
-
thanks for reading !! masterlist | witcher blog: @itsjaskier
#jaskier#jaskier the bard#the witcher#netflix the witcher#witcher fanfic#hurt jaskier#jaskier whump#sad jaskier#hurt no comfort#immortal jaskier#geralt of rivia#yennefer of vengerberg#ciri of cintra#angst#nilfgaard#lowercase#the witcher fanfic#my writing#unspoken#i can't believe this is my 100th posted fic#that's just insane to me#fanfiction#fanfic
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
An Extra Roommate - Traitor (GT)
At long last, this is the 12th installment of An Extra Roommate! :’) So sorry for taking forever on this!! This started out as a fun short-story exercise and turned into something more intense haha. Anyway, we’re in the final arc now!
(P.S. I used to have a taglist for this story but I feel weird using it now since it’s been so long. If you want to be on the taglist so you know when I update this story, lemme know lol)
(( Read from the beginning ))
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Escape was right in front of her, yet she could not take it.
No matter how much Cassandra pretended that Vince had "fixed" her with his isolation methods, he was no idiot. It was going to take more than pretty words and forced smiles to make him believe that she was on his side. And now, she was out of time to convince him entirely. Whether she liked it or not, they were moving to a new location.
Vince had already moved most of their supplies over. Now she was the last of his possessions that needed to be taken there.
"I'm giving you one chance," he said to her in the darkness of what would soon be their former home. "You make one move to run off, and I'll drag you to the new place myself. You won't go outside again. This is your chance to show me that I can trust you."
Then, to her amazement, he unbound her arms from behind her back. It was for the sake of being practical, of course. Traversing through the vast outside world would be too dangerous for both of them if she slowed them down with her tied wrists.
She rubbed the thread marks and gave him a solemn nod. "I won't cause any problems," she whispered.
Whether or not that was a lie remained to be seen.
They did not exit through any of the dorms, destroying her chance of running off to find Lily or Zoe. Instead, Vince led her through a different tunnel—one that led directly outdoors. The opening was beneath a window sill, and they needed to free-hand climb down a few bricks to reach the ground. For stealth's sake, it was lucky some shrubbery was planted right in front of the window.
Cassandra waited until her feet were on solid dirt before she allowed the sensations of the outside to overwhelm her. It had been months since she'd breathed fresh air. It was bitingly cold and pierced her lungs, but she relished it. Tilting her head back, she looked up through the barren branches. A few brown leaves were still clinging there. Between them, she could see the glint of stars and a sliver of the moon.
For just a moment, she was warm on Lily's pillow, watching a show on the laptop about the cosmos.
"Stop daydreaming," Vince growled, grabbing her by the wrist and pushing her in front of him.
Does it count as daydreaming if it's not happening during the day? Cassandra bit the inside of her cheek. That was something Zoe would've quipped.
Vince made her walk in front of him to be sure that he could watch her every move. Each stride she took was both a blessing and a punishment. It was more movement and leg room than she had been granted in two months.
Before long, it was time to pull away from the safety of the dorm building and make their way to the shrubbery on the sidewalk to continue their journey. As Vince prodded her into a sprint among the crackling, icy grass, she couldn't help but glance back at the building. The exterior lights cast it all in an eerie glow. Considering she had spent most of her days indoors, the outside of the dormitory didn't exactly make wistful familiarity surge through her.
But knowing that Lily was somewhere inside, utterly unaware of what had befallen her borrower friend, was enough to make Cassandra's heart sink beneath the frozen earth.
"Turn around!" Vince grasped her shoulder and forced her to comply before she had a choice to.
As they caught their breath beneath a bush near the sidewalk, she threw a glare at him. "It wouldn't have killed you to let me have one last look at the place," she muttered.
His eyes narrowed. "Feeling bold now that I've given you some freedom, huh? Are you going to make me regret it?" His hand went to the rope attached to his side.
Cassandra clenched her jaw and turned on her heel to keep walking forward. "I'm sorry. Really. I just haven't been outside in so long. That's what got into me. I won't let it happen again." She tried to sound as plaintive as possible, as though she weren't fighting the urge to break into a sprint away from him.
They walked in silence for a minute or so, the sidewalk lamp posts making shadows dance over them.
"Prove to me you can handle being out, and you won't have to wait so long next time," he said in a softer voice. She truly believed he meant it—along with the implication that he would isolate her again when they were settled.
The journey would have been cut in half if they didn't have to hide. Rather than make their way straight across massive courtyards, they were forced to keep to the plants, fences, and benches for cover. There were no humans out and about other than a few security guards, but borrowers could never be too careful.
As classroom buildings came into view, so did the rooftop spire of the library. Cassandra's heart twisted again at the thought of Lily. She didn't know how late it was, but Lily sometimes took night shifts behind the check-out desk. For all Cassandra knew, Lily was right there. How many books had she read without Cassandra? Did Lily still think of her when she opened a novel? Or had the feeling of missing something already faded...
Far too soon, the massive building was out of view again. She and Vince were passing through an enclosed courtyard that looked familiar. Lily had brought her there once, when it was empty of humans one afternoon. It was filled with all kinds of plants and flowers, with a wooden canopy at the center that had vines wrapped around the supporting poles. Of course, all of that was dead during the winter.
The outer perimeter of the courtyard was lined with classroom doors. As Cassandra and Vince moved between a slightly raised wooden walkway and some thorny bushes, human voices could be heard, muffled by walls.
The two of them froze, and that was when Cassandra realized some of the outward-facing doors had lights pouring through their thin windows. There was one raised voice in particular—a professor dismissing class, by the sound of it. A second later, there was the sound of gigantic chairs scraping against the floor, followed by a stampede of human footsteps.
"Quick," Vince muttered, urging her toward the center of the nearest hedge. "Here! Stop here. Don't move a muscle. Shit... I knew we should've left later."
Cassandra dropped to a crouch beside him, peering through the leaves as one of the doors opened. Students filed out of the classroom, though she couldn't see above their knees with the bulk of the branches in her line of sight. The humans were conversing at various levels of excitement about the final exam they just finished taking.
As she shut her eyes and waited for the humans to clear out, Cassandra thought about Lily and Zoe furiously studying for midterms not long before Vince came for her. She wondered if the dormitory had once again turned into a battleground of textbooks and loose sheets of paper during finals, too.
"Really? I did not think it was so hard," one of the human girls said to another.
Cassandra went positively rigid and looked up. That voice... She knew that voice.
"The study guide had everything, yeah?" the same girl went on, a teasing note in her words. "Did you not look at it?"
Though Cassandra had only actually heard this voice a handful of times, that accent was unmistakable. She had spent most of her time in Lily's room, but that didn't stop her from being able to hear the other roommates' conversations when they were in the common area.
"Amelie," Cassandra breathed.
"What?" Vince whispered, tearing his eyes away from the pounding footsteps.
"Amelie," she said, so astonished that she couldn't stop herself. "She's from Germany. Lily told me that."
Amelie was walking away, among the last of the humans heading out as the lights in the classroom flicked off and the door was shut. Before Cassandra knew what she was doing, she staggered to her feet and started toward the edge of the shadows. Although she was weak from months of captivity, adrenaline gave her new life.
Naturally, Vince lunged for her before she could make it far.
"AMELIE!" Cassandra shrieked.
Hissing, Vince clamped a hand over her mouth and locked at arm around her shoulders. As he dragged her back into the darkness with fearsome determination, she was no match for a fight. Rather than struggle, she wrenched her head back and bit down hard between his finger and thumb. He started to yell, but swallowed the noise as a groan.
With one less arm holding her back, she whirled around and kneed him between the legs. He couldn't stop himself from crying out that time, and she didn't waste even a precious second standing there and feeling smug. She raced for the wooden walkway at the edge of the courtyard, ready to burst past the leaves. Much to her frantic glee, one human had stayed behind and was standing there with visible hesitation, while the others had already exited the courtyard.
"Hello?" It was Amelie.
"Down here! Look in the bushes!" Cassandra cried, her voice cracking. "Amelie!"
This human had never met her, didn't even know she existed. But that didn't matter. She lived with Lily. More than once, Lily and Zoe had ensured that their other roommates could be trusted.
Before Cassandra could duck past the vegetation and make herself visible, Vince grabbed her from behind and wrenched her back once more. In all her squirming, they both fell in a heap. Still, he refused to let go. As he pinned her down, he looked up and froze, his face paling with horror.
Cassandra could feel what had frightened him. The vibrations of human footsteps were approaching. She grinned up at him, knowing there was no way he could hope to outrun a curious human while dragging her along. The choice was his: let her go, or get captured.
He met her smile with a thoroughly disgusted look. Reaching up, he yanked a jagged thorn from the nearest branch.
"Hello?" Amelie said again.
"You want to be their pet?" Vince growled, leaning down closer to Cassandra's face. "You want to be their dress-up doll?"
The nearly-barren hedge began to rustle. Amelie's knees were on the ground, and the shadows of her arms and hands moved in and out of view as she poked through the branches mere feet away from the borrowers. It was only a matter of time.
"Fine," Vince whispered in Cassandra's ear.
He raised the thorn and swung the pointed end into Cassandra's side.
A guttural noise wracked through her. He tore the thorn back out, breathing hard as he stood up and looked down at her. They held each other's gazes for a few moments before he started back in the opposite direction of the rustling branches. At that moment, she couldn't be sure whether he was more pleased to hurt her, or more pleased to leave her behind as a distraction while he made his escape.
"You never deserved my help," he muttered over his shoulder. "I should've let them keep toying with you all along."
The cruel irony of it almost made her laugh through the pain. If only he had come to that conclusion before he ever dreamed of kidnapping her.
Her vision became spotty, and before she knew it, Vince was gone. She pressed her hand to her side, trying to staunch the blood flow. The wound wasn't big, but it had to be deep. It was staining her shirt rapidly.
A few dead leaves the length of her forearm fell over her as the bushes rustled directly above. She caught sight of a pair of light-green human eyes. They flashed out of sight for a second, then came right back and focused on her, peeking through the scraggly branches.
"Amelie," Cassandra breathed, but she could barely hear the sound of her own voice.
The eyes looked stricken with wonder. Eyebrows shot up. Amelie made a small noise of disbelief at her discovery. She flinched when Cassandra tried to sit up, but it was no use trying. The pain was too much.
The branches parted even further, thorns catching on Amelie's skin. She didn't seem to notice. Cassandra opened her mouth to say something else—anything. To tell Amelie that she wanted to see Lily so badly.
"You... are you real?" Amelie whispered. Then her eyes narrowed. "Are you okay?"
Her voice echoed distantly as Cassandra fell unconscious.
~~~
Amelie wasn't sure how long she sat there, staring with a dumb look on her face. The tiny girl—the living, breathing tiny girl—did not move again after she tried to sit up. Amelie lifted her head to look around, but all of her classmates and even the professor had already left. She was torn on whether that was a good or bad thing. On one hand, who knew what the wrong person would do to such a tiny girl; on the other, she had no idea what to do herself.
Swallowing hard, she reached with aching slowness into the bush. The ground had to be freezing for the poor little thing. As her hand came next to the girl, she had to pause and catch her breath from sheer surprise at just how small this person was. She was impossible. Amelie was unusually tall at this university, but never like this.
She gathered up the limp little body, slipping her fingertips beneath. Then she carefully deposited the girl onto her palm.
"Oh no..." As Amelie lifted her away from the branches, she saw dark red staining the girl's tiny clothes.
The girl was looking paler by the second. Amelie never took her eyes off her hands as she stood. Through it all, one thing kept poking at the back of her mind—she was sure she had heard the girl say her name. How could she possibly know who Amelie was? Whatever the answer, the girl could not give it to her while she was like this.
"Don't worry, little one," Amelie whispered, bringing her close to shield her from the cold. "I have someone who can help you."
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
Epiphany (Gifts sequel)
Word Count:14.5K
Trigger warnings: Violence, strong language , yandere themes
Teaser :Epiphany is a moment of sudden and great revelation or realization.
Fate really have it twisted way of bringing two broken souls together, the said souls share the copy image view of the world not only mutual understanding but bring out the best in his other half , understand one another with the simplest move , love unconditionally and care for each other like there is no one but them. Soulmate bond that unbroken, soulmate was a whole being divided by two , one soul in two separate bodies.
Korra found on him the companion that she was seeking all the time , someone who understands her no matter how massed up and fucked up she was , the later always understand her , someone who view the world just the same like he was seeing it through her own eyes, he was magical too and he brought a new purpose to her life , he saved her from the bottomless loneliness. Tom found on her everything literally, a savior, a companion, someone like him with extraordinary abilities, she showed him how special he was , cared for him like a human being that he was, he felt gratitude for her first , he wanted to give back to her and protect her that feeling slowly developed to a youthful liking that took an expected turn to become an endless obsession that growth worse day by day.
He called it love and soulmate decided by fate. She called it companionship of no more or less then best friend platonic love.
Korra laid down on her bed, no there bed now that her massed up besitie claimed it as theirs , he was taking a bath in the exact same water she just bathed into it.
She heard him humming a song that she always listen to when she was working and she let her mind roam for a second debating if he always did that in his time in the prison , she though that leaving him there will help him realize that she doesn't have romantic feeling toward him , the only emotions her heart hold for him was platonic one .
But unfortunately it did not help at all, it made him believe she was either :
A)giving him time out as a punishment of not telling her he was Lord Voldemort and not making her involved in the purge as her right for being his soulmate
B) transferring there relationship to the state of long distance one to taste his ability for it which he proved to be idealist one
Even direct method of communication like talking her feeling toward him to make it loud and clear made the latter believe she was denying her feeling and too afraid to let herself being loved and love someone , loving her soulmate, he claimed that she have Philophobia . He called himself her medicine that will cure her of that phobia.
She sighed making herself in the fetus position , as she deeply analyzed trying to see from when and where he started loving her and having that 'we are soulmate' delusion .
Usually adolescence start having crushes around fourteen years old the average age where puberty happen , the awkward stage of leaving the childhood and entering the mystery land of teenage years that will be the gate to adulthood the current state of which both of them where now , they are doomed to stay in it for evermore .
"Fucking horcruxes" Korra scowled her tone dripping loath for whoever had a hand in letting him know about it , she never felt the desire to rip one throat with her bare teeth or the desire to curse him down with all the unforgivable curses respectfully in sequence .
In her fetus position she froze down at the idea, at the train of thought and where it landed her. She was thinking just like him, the ill intention to cause harm and unmentionable thing to an innocent.
Maybe just maybe they were .... alike?
‘No...I am not the same as someone who torment ,kill and destroy pure people life .’ She buried her face in the pillow deeper , letting the soft cushion consume all of her face , needed to let it block her though
How dare she let herself to even think they were the same? Next thing she knew that she would believe that they were product of fate design, the two shards of the same entity... soulmates.
Whoever said that one mind can be it worse enemy is truly man of wisdom. Even if the said wisdom applies to her right now, it's a sword with two different blades, her ally and her foe.
She could use it as weapon if she played her cards right. She can be free in no time and she could run away from him if she pretended that his ' treatment ' is curing her of her blindness of the indisputable truth.
'and then when he see I view him as a soulmate, I will run away when he give me freedom, when he trust me blindly ' Her mind was being her ally right now , Lady luck was on her side , her lady hope persona may lost the battle but there is war left , there is fire left on her that didn't die .
The door of the bathroom slightly opened leaving a crack that let the steam escape and the scented candles with lavender to spread into the air. And his humming stopped.
"Korra dear? Is everything alright there?" His voice was worried with no other trace of emotion there, just filled with worry.
"Yes Tom, everything is right, did something happened?" She matched his voice.
The crack spread more allowing for his wet head to be seen, and that smile to be fully displayed on it glory ,"it just that I heard you saying, " he paused for a few seconds allowing himself to perfectly mimic her words like a passage of speech from president himself. "Fucking horcruxes" his smiled forsaken for a smirk . "Darling you can't ..have an intercourse of that type with a container ...but if you feel...." Korra who's face exploded with red had avoided eye contact with him and rushed to cut his sentence. "No! I..don't want that ..." He chuckled softly , like she made an inside joke . "I know you don't want it ....now ....you are just saving yourself up for our wedding" His eyes had hunger look into them as he slowly closed the door.
Leaving her a mess of red and heat, while he returned to his humming that followed by more tone of euphoric.
She really needed to get out of that place.
As a mocking from fate her eyes landed on the pillow form the living room, she didn't know why it was there but the writing on it mocked her
{HOME SWEET HOME}
It's like a butcher welcoming a livestock before ending them for good.
She stepped out of the bed, but remembered the masks, she looked at them.
Lord Voldemort persona was staring at her with unforgiving stare promising chaos to whoever breathed an insult directly or indirectly to her or him, to any and every no magical human to make them existent from the word of living.
Her eyes drafted slightly to the right.
Lady Hope is antonym of her counterpart, her eyes brought mercy and hope to the suffering survivors, a reminder of the light side that still exist.
Anyone in their right mind will see that they were the opposite, foes made to destroy one another. Light vs dark in their form of materialistic.
But not to him of course.
Tom Marvalo Riddle was soaking wet in the bathtub He couldn't help but to feel rush of adrenalin through his vines.
That smirk was still in his lips. The masks were even more proof of their love.
Lord Voldemort destroy the enemy while Lady Hope cure the falling of their side both mentally and physically like the ancient Yin and Yang, one can cease to exist without the other, they need each other to survive.
Why she was so confused and misguided by those muggles ? His teeth chatting and his jaw clinched. The rotten muggles made her filthy . How dare they firstly to drive her away from her world that rightfully belong to her by their nasty spawn of Satan that doesn't have the ghost of claim to magic that preserved only for pureblood no they stole magic from them no claiming to claim something is to have an ownership right for it ,secondly they made her live among them doing low job that barley cover the bills ?
In infuriating he ran his hands through his long hairlines, he recalled that she would return them to their original length just the same length she putted will he did what he always does, impressive her.
He breathed in more of that scented smell of lavender, he noted to himself that in the manor he bought for them and just them he will grow lavender in the garden and more lovely flowers so when she walk the pathway it always have a scent she liked.
He has millions and more scenarios of their eternal life together, he had one year of isolation to plan it and write it down on the diary, even living them in his slumber.
He heard the sound of a door opening and he was half expecting that she will be joining him, he embraced himself to feel her body heat against his and move his body to the side of the bathtub making space for her and he moved a finger and music began a pleasing song filled the atmosphere but the bathroom door was not the one who opened that the bedroom one .
Korra was on the hallway , it was still Halloween night she called hear children screaming with enjoyment "trick or treat", she looked at the window and saw youngsters wearing cosplays of their favorite characters even that one of them even wore a suit and claimed to be bodyguard for his sister that wore a simple regular custom resemble modern princess. she got an instant flashback at the sign of the two.
It was Tom first year Halloween with her and she wanted to give him as normal childhood as someone like him called. Blaz was waiting for them at the living room to get ready for the ancient act of trick and treat.
"Are you sure you want to be wearing suit? I don't mind it but it's your choice " he simply nods and flashed her a lovely smile. "Yes bestie, I am really sure also I read in a book that cliché is overrated so why not use something new?" The boy that too mature for his age said , Korra theorized that his suffering and tormenting that he faced in the orphanage led him to be this developed in his mind but they say that trauma build the character ,it's a sacrifice of innocent for the gain of knowledge.
Korra left him to change to her custom in her room . the boy mentally scolded, he never liked this 'Blaz' , but for her he will pretend that he tolerate him until he find the perfect method to get him to leave them alone .he looked at himself on the mirror .the reflection showed his dark hair gracing his childhood feathers and his dark eyes matched the occasion and the suit that he insist on wearing will give an effect on anyone to not talk down to him.
After couple of minutes Korra come back wearing regular clothes that was not addressing the holiday at all, he extended his hand to her like a young gentleman , korra though he was being in the character so she took his hand into hers and they wordlessly went downstairs to join Blaz . The man jumped to his feet from seeing that she was not dress up and he was wearing skeleton custom . "You...you didn't dress up?" Blaz voice filled with disappointment as his eyes traveled between his custom and her regular everyday clothes . She shrugged "I am going in as a background character they don't dress shiny like the protagonist and antagonist, just normal to blend in" she took a good look at his custom and an idea popped into her head ." I can be the previous you ... Living just before death" Tom hand on her squeeze and he bite his lips making them thin line, just the idea of losing her to death was unbearable , he hated how death means separation of loved one, in his orphanage days he was starved out of love and caring that he craved so frantically, just because he was different than others doesn't mean he didn't yearn for his basic human right of emotional containing. That made him attached to her as she was the sole survivor with him after the apocalypse.
"And Tom? let me guess a high lord of a previous lifetime?" Blaz voice may come as cheery for others but to him it's as irritating as sharp nails on a chalkboard. He just couldn't wait to get him out of the picture. It took Tom a maximum of five seconds to put his fake tolerance for Blaz to display. His vocal was so calm and soft as his dark eyes held warmth of the sun in a winter morning "You can say so , but in fact I am korra's bodyguard...she may say she's a background character for someone story but for me she’s the heroine in my book" his eyes captivated with real emotions of gratefulness as he continues with charming tone ." She's my savior" with a kiss on her hand he finished.
"Tom....that’s too much .... You are too much of a true gentleman now " Korra who can't remember the last time someone made positive remark on her maybe it was when she worked in the ministry when Jonathan Morgenstern an aurora made a mistake of practicing magic to let out a fire when he was camping during his vacation unaware of unwanted attention of a muggle who was hiking which led the wizard to ask the ministry to send an obliviter to fix his undone, he called her in a friendly comment a light giver due after obliviating the muggle she didn't forget to bring with her a light to help him start a bonfire. That nickname become her code name after the accident .
"No bestie I am telling the truth....is that a tear?" Indeed she had a silent tear on her eyelids , "yes, something went into my eyes I think it was an eyelash" she was not lying completely since one was on her eyes and she had a tear because of the impact pf his words on her , it was fate giving her a merciful look.
"Let me rub it out for you" before she can protest he reach out his hand that she knelt to his head level allowing him to get the stubbornly eyelash for her but instead of dismissing it with his hand the boy put it on his hand palm . "Bestie what are you doing?" Korra was concerned that he will practice magic Infront of Blaz. "It's a saying in a folklore that if you put an eyelash on your hand and made a wish it will become true , come one bestie make a wish for me"
The woman mumbled lowly out of Blaz earshot but in Tom's one "I wish that we will stay best friends forever " and then she bellowed. ----- When they walked from house to house that was decorated for the night of the mythical creatures, enjoying the peaceful night without any accident until one that nearly ruining the night for them had happened . They were walking to the last house of the night when the one responded to the door ball was an obese man with his double chin and obvious vines that was nearly everywhere and his smell was straight out of butcher as he smelled of livestock fat and tissues , his eyes was too inside of him that he had to widen them to get great view opened the door. "Trick or treat" Tom said as he felt the weight of his bag full of sweets from the night . The man that awfully reminded anyone looking at him of a pig grinned as he looked above and behind Tom shoulders to Korra, his hands around the glass bowl he was holding tightened while colors of deep red exploded on his face he licked his lips as saliva escaped his mouth . "Oh dear lord knows I don't mind trick ...private trick from her " his tone heavy with unmistakable lust as he made clear with his eyes what type of tricks he seek from her . Blaz didn't get the time to respond to the direct verbal sexual harassment when it happened.
The bowl in the human pig hands exploded candies falling like tiny rain of child dream on the small area between them ,shards of glass entering the man body piercing his skin do deep that it surprised Blaz with how deep the shards buried into the man that they disappeared in him like pins hanging on a jacket not a living body , but that didn't shock Blaz more than the fact that in nothing but a miracle when the bowl exploded a wind blowing from behind them protected them from the shards . The pigman face was stuck on shook as he shaking tried to take out the shards with his fat fingers but in pointless efforts he failed , then his eyes widened even more that it was semi cartoonist as his bloody hands went to the place his heart was and it looked like he was having a heart attack but in fast and extremely misery and just like a pig he made a final cry that literally sounded like the said animal and he dropped dead.
What happened after it was the classic of making sure that Tom was fine as the later took the opportunity to hug her and bury his face into her claiming to be shocked by the tragic and trauma death that happened before his innocent child eyes, as Blaz dialed the police and ambulance informing them of the accident ,Tom was glad that the hug give him the cover for that dark grin on his face . He was wearing the suit suitable for a bodyguard...savior his extraordinary abilities helped him to live as the role ...her savior and not just for one night for all their life together.
Korra was back to the present time with feeling of his arms around her torso and hot breath on her ears as he whispered" do you remember that night? That pig of a man ...?" The edge of his voice was merciless ,his arms stiffed but didn't feel like the force that will case a break more like borderline feeling of a snake closing itself around her waist in a light hug . "Now that I think about it his death was....easy , I should have tortured him more , by that time I didn't realize the disturbing truth of his words I thought it was just trying to make you do a trick without me , I got this feeling of heavy burn inside me and then you saw what happened, if that happened now... " Still he didn't press harder on her torso but his chin rested on her shoulder and she saw scarlet on his orbs , mad with rage at the mere thought of dead man. his eyes softened when he saw that she was looking at his reflection. "Sorry love for that " he let her go only to take her hand and led her to the bedroom where a scissor lied on the table waiting to be used , a faint glow on the edge told her it was magical enchanted just like everything else in the house .he sat on at the chair and she knew what he wanted , that damn hair.
She realized a sign if she wanted to gain his trust and escape to the ministry of magic she will have to play the role . ---- "I am never a chief but at least let's try it" He made for them a dish that she didn't bother to look at it but when he sat the plate to her with a wave of his hands she saw it was a simple parmesan chicken . "Bone Appetit" he said as they began their meal, Korra found it mystery how he was still having a appetite after ordering Nagini to eat the shop owner but again that was just a drop of the black sea of his mistakes that she wanted to fix, she refused to accept the fact that her bestie is now someone that obsessed with her and claim it as love , for a second she paused as she realize that it was love and she knew it but he have his way of showing it that made the line between friendship and romantic relationship to be questionable. She forced herself to eat not wanting to know what he will do if she didn't.
Being done eating he waved again but this time the dishes disappeared in favor of bottle of wine and two glasses. "A toast for our eternity together" he raised his glasses and she knew that she have to do her part of the tradition. "For our eternity" 'until I escape to the ministry ' and there was nothing but the sound of their glasses cracking .
---- They were laying on the bed with a book on her lap as she was reading and he was following making comments on how the characters were predictable and nothing new happen. As if he's complaining was a cue an owl dropped a letter to his lap. He led go of the hand that was holding his before flashing her an apologetic smile and opened the letter.
{Done} with no sender information at all.
Korra didn't remove her eyes away from the book "you are right they are so foreseeable" he kissed her head ,"I love when you admit I am right ....maybe that's will make you see how deeply I am willing to go for you , purging the wizarding society is just a tip of what I am capable of and how far I will go for you" his voice was one of those who have a sugar rush . "Muggles need us the same way we need them..."she firmly said ,he took a deep breath "we don't need them at all, they can't use magic to safe one of their loved one dying or even to simply left an object ....they drove you away from where you truthy belong " his tone hold grudges as if he was born for it . "I left because it became toxic with all the pureblood maniacs " he paused looking at her in disbelief. She took at as signal to continue " I mean I know a lot of muggle born who are brilliant with a lot of potential unlike some purebloods who have squib in their family " she grinned falling victorious . "The only reason for squib to happen is because a mudblood took the said squib , muggles are nothing but kelptomaniacs that need to be punished for the crime of taking what not belonging to them" that victory in her died at his reply, she knew that there is no point on keeping this conversation going. "Five" he said with a silky voice . In puzzling state of mind she looked at him . There is no need to ask as he understood her without talking . "Each single time you defend those low life of mudblood and muggles I will end five of them, the ratio will vary it can be five kids , five men, five elders , five women , a twin child and woman and two men , or to make the odd preferable five pregnant women so that bonus " He said that with a teasing amount of causality like he was reading a newspaper . "You can't do that....think about how Blaz will feel" a finger on her chin forced her to have eye contact with that flame of hell . "Don't you dare to say any male name around me .... especially Blaz he was the worst , really he need to be learn to mind his own business and he had absolutely no respect for personal space " he silenced himself to collect air in his lungs. "He was my secret keeper and you know what his death did , it was what made my existence return to the wizarding world " hint of regret was on her voice but she didn't take her eyes of his bluntly to keep that fact buried into his mind.
"You do realize that they have a shorter lifespan then us, why not choosing a wizard to be the secret keeper? “he was not complaining but did she really disliked to that level how toxic the situation of blood state was? This time she avoided eye contact with him "it's felt the only way to truthy have nothing left to come back to that society" What do they say about anyone who avoided eye contact when he in the middle of a conversation?, Clear sign of a lie . He smugly grinned at the conclusion that she had something that will always connect her to the that world. He just needed to find it, he had that ambition that he wanted no, eager to clarify the fog of mystery surrendering his soulmate past. "You know , lovely angel , you never told me about your time as a witch save being an obliviter I want to know facts like your magical state , what you did in Hogwarts ?, If you had any childhood friend or took solace in being friends with books?" He freed her chin of his finger to lean back to the head of the bed to observe every single move she makes. She felt a knot in her throat, her past was nothing, but song of loneliness played with melody of tragedy. She was a love child of misfortune and loss,
"At a very young age I learned that nothing good last forever "
Her very first memory is this, It was her seventh birthday with her parents they were celebrating it in the forest surrender by a lot of creatures, her father holding her to reach a tree branch where a small nest had bird that was too shy to go and see what the world have to offer, "daddy he is so shy , he won't take the worm from me" her tiny voice hold disappointment, her father slowly lowered her back to the ground fearing that a rush will harm her , "sweet one , it's too early for him to step out of his safety shell to the outside " he kissed his daughter head. Her mum was setting on a rug that they brought with them that on it their lunch and a simple cake for three , her skin glowed attractively in the sun light her brown hair gracefully freefall on her without any style to keep their beauty away. The little girl walked to her mother that embraced her so tightly as she whispered to her "Happy birthday" her father who had black hair and heterochromia eyes , one was grey the other hazel, he was watching the scene with butterflies on his stomach, how lucky he is to get both a beautiful wife and lovely daughter it was so contiguous euphoric like a scene a painted by an artist of what the first minutes in heaven like. The girl remembered a trick she can do but it required a baby animal such as a bunny or hare . "Mommy , daddy I am going to show you something really cool just wait for me" Her mother had a book in her lap and her father laid down looking at the clouds telling his wife the shapes they remind him off , her mother extracted her wand from her pocket. "Expecto Patronum" from her wand busted a silver ghostly runespoor, it's three head tall with pride and in that sunlight it give him a glow of grace . "I will protect you " it was awkward to hear her mom voice from the Patronus but she got used to it from the second time , Patronus are meant to be guardians even companions for the lonely souls, never she felt the intense feeling of her blood turning ice on her vines from the terror of the runespoor Infront of her , she found him comfortable and favorable to have around when her parents where working, call it a questionable choice of babysitter but the three head serpent was her only friend ,they were living on a shack in the forest it was not fancy neither in poor condition but perfect for the small family with no civilian only for a small town that was miles away what was it name? Little Hangleton.
It's a small town actually with nothing of interest, the family lived in peace away from the anything that was civilian, self-sustaining themselves form the little garden they have and a nearby river. They had jobs small one in the town enough to get them by and never to let them feel short hand and waiting from pay check to another . It's was all so peaceful and paradise like. It was too good to be truth, too good to be left without darkness tinting it .
Korra went deeper to that forest not lost due to the the patronus keeping a clever watch and map of the soul to its caster ,when she didn't only find a bunny but a wounded child around eight years old . "You don't look so good " she draw closer to him , now that she was closer she took a good look at him , curly platinum hair and strange purple eyes , albino?, And a gashes covering his body he was bleeding heavily. "I am on my way " again the patronus spook with that voice . "What happened to you?" Her curiosity was over the roof . "I...I was attacked by a wild creature I don't remember it's shape it was fast...so fast and brutal he left me to die as you see “the child spook with wary voice . "My mom is coming to help, my name is Korra" all what she can do is to speak to him to keep him awake. "Nice name for a nice child, mine is Godric, tell you what we are going to be friends , actually we already are "he give her a little smile as his lips managed to part. The girl eyes widened , "friends ?, Really ...I have no friends like living flesh and bone one" she didn't have any at all the town people didn't have any child as if they were so afraid to bring any to the world due to the economic crisis that was going on yet they give her parents looks she didn't understand and her looks of discomfort and pity but to finally have a friend it was an experience that she longed for , she read about it in books and always longed for someone to call a friend other than runespoor . "Korra dear , step aside I want to aid the child " her mom took out her wand and the tip of her wand touched the child body. In a blink of eye, a heartbeat ,the boy vanished , long gone his aurban locks and purple eyes , now standing on all four a creature of darkness and eyes of the devil , lava like eyes glowing with bleeding red , and his voice bottomless hole it must be what an vengeance will be like if it had a voice , his teeth so sharp it was surprise it didn't cut that long tongue . "I knew I will find a Huffman here ...not one but two my dark lord Grindelwald will be so pleased " he snicker , her mom come in front of her shielding her . "Go and tell your lord that he can make love to himself that all I care about " her wand never left her hand as she throws a hex at him , he judge with a jump upwards , it was thing of wonder how a being of that mass is able to move with such agility and in a blink of eye landed behind them , the patronus sprinted attacking at the same time that her mother made a protection charm to her daughter not caring for her safety , the creature went invisible the same minute the patronus hit him and dismissing into thin air .
"We are friends korra just you and your mommy come with me to the dark lord" he mocked ,voice coming from everywhere and nowhere . "Think about what your place will be with my Lord , your daughter too, you are wasting away all your potential and abilities here " a shift in the branch of nearby tree made her mother send a hex at it . The jinx hit the tree with but no monster was on it . It was right next to her child, who was shaking . 'f....friend .monster. They do this...trying to kidnapped their friend to a bad guy....I don't want that ' Her daughter magic core what in chaos and the aura around it growing viciously , repealing against the protection charm , creating an orb of gray cocoon . Her mother was torn between keeping her daughter save and calming her and defeating the monster. The creature open his mouth so wide but it was not the teeth to be terrified off, it's spitted a texture liquid and sticky it rained from his mouth like riddle of bullets at them , but before it can touch any one of them it froze . His body abruptly vibrated brutally , and like a fireworks it explode . Korra magic murdered him. Her mother was caught off guard, her daughter was more powerful then she thought she need to learn to stabilize that magic before wrong hand find her . She rushed to her hugging her , " I am so sorry you had to witness that, so sorry for what happened , you are alright right ?" She briefly scanned her daughter, wide teary eyes, and shock on her face. "Mom is that what friend do..." It was not a question, a broken statement. "No.....they do this " the monster voice raged again with a tone that will hunt her for the rest of her life . Her mom eyes froze when she realized what the creature actually was .... It was ultio. Ultio was the worst ever, it should never ever be killed, once he is dead, he literally brings his murderer down with him to the grave. There was only one way to survive. "I love you " she kissed her daughter check and hugged her so tightly shielding her from what was happening . She heard to sound of blood spilled and tissues of body ripped off as the creature killed her mom and was gone with her. One Huffman was gone , another shocked to the core . Her mother sacrifice made the girl to be invincible and untouched by any dark force.
Her father grows worried from not seeing anyone return as he felt heavy silence, even the birds were silent, he just woke up from a nap. "Love, Korra??" The cake and food were left untouched, again no answer. He felt string leading him forward to the deeper part of the forest. The deeper he got the more the lack of sound become ominous. Until he saw the scenery.
A bony body hugging a frozen bloody living one , and the hair covering the girl become red with blood . He lost it. ----- "Daddy I am so sorry...I wanted to show you and me....why aren’t you looking at me?" Her father was gone in his mentally and it had been days since that cursed day, be barley ate , slept that was when he was home , when he was not he drowned himself in work ,locked the house on his daughter who desperately needed someone to calm her from all the mental attacks she have , there was no runespoor anymore to keep her company, no friend , not a soul but her and his dad who is mentally dead ,refusing to accept it , part of him died with his wife he couldn't bear to look at his daughter she was the spilling image of his late wife, not acknowledge her , like she died with her mother. For four years she didn't hear her father voice at all, just crying and ugly whining. She never spoke during that four years at all , so when an owl appeared dropping a letter of acceptance to Hogwarts ,like a robot her father moved his eyes hallow and took her to get her things for the school . --- Now they were at the train express , families where hugging their children goodbye promising to exchange letters , her father gaze to the unseen as he just waved goodbye. She didn't bother to wave back at all.
"Salvatore ,Korra Salvatore" the sorting hit said her name , she walked toward it ,not caring which house she will be into , the hat was putted on her head . "You are unique one here, not many like you , I can name very few who share the same magical core like you ...I see intelligence and bookworm Ravenclaw will be great for you... But you are loyal and love fair play ...it's equal the traits of the two houses on you hmm it's difficult for you ...is that a trace of .... oh, my let it be ... Hufflepuff!" The said house clapped and giving her a warm welcome , she didn't feel a string even when curious eyes looked at her wondering what the sorting hat was going to say as he cut himself off before announcing her house . Time passes and she never gained any friend , she didn't want another Godric she wanted her mother back she wanted her father back from the dead , it's like she become orphan losing them both . Soon even her house learned to leave her alone she was shut down of the world it's all black and grey no white that white left along with runespoor that patronus friend , she never spoke a word unless it's absolutely necessary and to cast a spell other time they thought that she was mute , but as more news come by about the dark lord and people more and more terrified, her sleep had a lot of nightmare surrounding by one word Grindelwald, what was that wizard and why he wanted her and her mother so badly ?, It's definitely have to be about her family from her mother side. In one evening her mother made her promise that she will never ever tell anyone she was Huffman rather than she was a Salvatore from her father side , she didn't know why but she made that promise without asking . Her father had no family at all, he was orphan didn't have a foster family. Her mother never told her about her family or even if she has one . Still the mystery around that Grindelwald and her family hunted her , she wanted answer and a book in the restricted section will contain the answer. But all what she had to do is to one of the perfect students to be able to get access there. So becoming teacher pet and bookworm she was her approach .around the time that her pairs where getting hormonal she was ignoring all the looks of admiration that she got from boys , she felt gross by it , no one will deny that she was beautiful .she never let herself feel the need to have a friend let alone lover .was she asexual aromatic? She didn't care at all to leave her heart open to anyone . she found solace in the darkness , in the middle of the night one day she realized she was nyctophile , that was when a teacher asked randomly if a student preferred light or darkness more if they preferred sun time or moon time since that cursed day of her mother untimely passing and she avoided everything that reminded her of it , even light .she felt her light wither fading more into a grey one .
"Listen today lesson is about casting a Patronus " she temporary froze as if she was stunned by stupefy, the others didn't give her a mind . "To conjure it you have to think of a memory that make you happy , feel you with joy " she felt sick on her stomach .
"Good job Felix of Slytherin. Your Patronus is a stage that quite amazing...Miss Salvatore you are next " Korra knew what will happen before hand , she rise her wound looking at her wand tip and said the spell, nothing at all not even a spark or pity excuse of smoke. "Thing of a happy memories dear " then she doesn't recall what happened but when she come by her class was terrified and she was quickly dismissed of the class.
----- It's he fourteen birthday, she was setting with a teacher in her office. "I am so sorry for your loss dear , you must have been so close to him that his loss affected your magic that day" she felt her teacher words of condolences . When she got that letter that day she didn't feel anything negative more like relief that her father joined her mother , at least he was happy there and content . Not her , she never smiled at all , she looked to be more suitable to be Lady of darkness then light .
"......" "I understand your grief I am here for you " "He was dead long time ago" her tone was colder and lack the care. She left her teacher stunned as she exists the room.
Korra was not completely unaware of her surrounding she just knew the elephant in the room when it comes to wizarding society was always blood state . She was half blood , she didn't know about her mother blood state if she was pure or not , but it was unfair that a teacher will be extra careful marking muggle born and careless when marking pure blood, and the bullying was so unbearable for those muggle born , from calling them mudblood to physical beating . It was unjustified at all, it had to be stopped no one was doing anything like it was the norm , even when a first year was being cornered by a pack of fourth years . It's the harsh reality of that world, she told herself that she will try to make them say what they were doing was wrong but the only way for it was if she had a high position in the ministry of magic.
On her sixteen birthday she found the answer, the restricted section illuminated by her wand the light casted shadows in her face among with the darkness of the night made the scene to be out of a mystery movie , the book of about every magical family that existed. 'H for Huffman ' she found her family from her mother side . 'Huffman have a long and interested origin , they began in the early dawn of the magical history ,legend says this that a Huffman witch found an injured animal(tale varies about the animal type some says it's a dove , dire wolf, phoenix, cat or another animal ) on the blink of death ,no passerby spare the dying animal any glance , the Huffman witch who had heart of gold took the animal in and spend countless of night nursing it back to health in the expense of her what little of supply she had and time , once the animal is back healthy , the unexpected happened , it's turned out to be an divine being. "Congrats dear witch , you are the only one who passed the test" the holy creature said his voice was so captivating and delightful. The witch was catch up by the creature ethereal beauty and light . "You and your entire bloodline will be blessed , you will have the full package, beauty , wealth , talents, abilities and luck, I have been testing witch community to see who will earn my blessing" the witch didn't approve or disapprove she tough that she died nursing the creature and this was her going through the afterlife ,but a light touch on her check told her it was real ."thanks but I was doing the right thing ", the angelic beamed. "It's a gift ,pure lady ". Korra couldn't finish reading the rest of the tale . She just closed it , tears on her eyes and onerous in her stomach. Her mother died because of a legend , and she knew that Grindelwald won't rest until he get a Huffman to join him but why he couldn't get another one or went on a hot pursue for them earlier ? If her bloodline was that of a jewel for a crown, why no one mentioned them earlier? What she believes will answer her questions have risen more questions than satisfied her. She closed the book and returned to her dorm.
The next morning she found a ray of hope when she heard that Grindelwald was captured and for the first time since more than half her life she smiled and the words that lift her lips were one of kind . "Fuck you Grindelwald" and a sea of shocked wizards and witches looked at her . ----- When she graduated from Hogwarts she got a lot of work offers from everyone who had a high position in the society , the thing is she never learned how to use that 'blessed' side since her mother didn't tell her how to use it , the only thing that was default was the looks . She didn't care about wealth since she was not one to spend it on trivia things. The only job she accepted was the obliviter position in the ministry of magic , she became obliviter for the hope to be promoted to higher position that will let her voice be heard about the racism unethical practice . It's funny to be memory wiper when you are yourself hunted and broken by your past . But as time process by and more years flew by that hope died on her , it transformer into dark void in the black hole of herself, they didn't care , they accepted the fact that it's written on stone , you see when generation rise a generation it's rise them on the previous learning that they got from the generation who risen them and the generation that is being risen will sink in the learning in like a sponge in its mindset and being risen to care more about blood state then potential is one of those things. So it was no surprise when she quit her job and moved into muggle world .
She never realized just how lonely she was until one day when it was December and numerous people pass by congratulating each other for the upcoming Christmas , a child walked to her being so full of the spirit and congrats her for it . "Lady, I hope you have a Joyful Christmas with your family and friends" Friends....she had none she couldn't even conjure the spell that heavy emphasis on happy memories. Friends were not for her , ' they either turn out to be server of the dark or one that prejudge so much ...they are risen like this ......risen wait ... Why not adopt one and mold him into a friend that is what I seek for , what I lost, who accept me for being who I am ?' It was the only option she had , all the others was unfavorable as the old saying say beggars can't be choosers. Desperate time lead to desperate methods and outcomes. Before she knew she was standing in front gates of wool's orphanage.
"And that lead us to where we are now, bestie " she dropped the last word like a spokesperson dropping the mic after victorious speech.
The dark lord was in utopia , it just couldn't get any better, every single peace for the puzzle fall together creating the perfect picture, fate really outdone herself in this love story it’s a masterpiece , he was broken by his past just like her ,he saw how the society was toxic ,they were half-bloods her family from her mother side was pure blood descended from the origin of Helga Hufflepuff his from mother side rooted from Salazar Slytherin , both of their fathers were unfortunately muggles , he will forgive fate for making them muggle , also they come from the same village, what a wonderful gift to have two decedent from two out of four now dead houses to be soulmates? it must be that their ancestors were one too, and that the great Salazar went mad when a muggle tried to take his other half away from him, it all fit perfectly fine, she was expert in advanced level of magic just like him , safe that she is so shy to show it off.
Korra knew from how she found his arms around her waist and his lips on her that his obsession have grown worse , she told him her entire background to give him window on herself a chance to let him see that she’s beginning to heal and see him as what he saw her, a step to her freedom.
so, when his kisses become more demanding and hungrier, she gives in.
----
its bright afternoon when his hand sneaked like spider legs from her back to rest at her shoulders and he printed a kiss on her cheeks before saying in nobbling words "love its time" she nearly dropped her calm facade, time for what? there weeding or to do the traditional purposing to her?, only one way to find out.
"what is it time for? Beloved one" she forced the words out of her lips, its worse than the fresh memory of that creature and its acid rain.
"to move to our new home" she looked at him like he was having a second face behind him , he adored every single expression she was making except the painful one , a pure lightness like her way not allowed to have a painful look, it's ruin that perfection on her esthetic face , he careless toyed with a hair lock , speaking about expression he was lately wondering about the type of faces she will be making from the gift he got for her. "But our belongings, we can't leave them" ‘oh sweet angel you really are worried about muggles devices aren't you.’ "I took good care of them " As they existed the place Korra with their luggage that was magical transformed to their new home , he just had to be extra dramatic and burn the house down, he smiled as he cut down the last string that pinned her to the muggle world, there was truthy no turning back now, not when the orphanage that they crossed by was with ear tearing screams of agony. -------- The marble floor felt pleasing against her bare feet , in other life she showing more awe for that manor or mansion that was her new home ,every single detail was phenomenal , what is it with dark lord ,heir of Slytherin and incredible taste? , It's like she was in heaven. Heaven..... No heaven was worth the price of one freedom and free will.
"I told you I can give you the world and more , here it is, just name the thing and in a snap of a finger it's yours" he purred seductively. She had to remind herself to earn his trust to get a chance of that sweet freedom . She run her finger to the outline of his sharp jawline and stood up on we toes the same way he was kneeling to her level , arms around her waist to give her access to his ear . "I already have everything I want " her whisper send shiver to his spine and goosebumps to his skin . "Precious one , you don't have the tinniest idea of what you are doing to me now " his dark eyes landed in hers as his thumb found her lips gently running to her upper one . --- As she took a bath , it was out of blue , a lightbulb opened in her mind and then Epiphany happened , her heart nearly stopped when a sense of revelation washed on her .
He needed her more than air , his soulmate She needed him her one true friend , obsessed and all but he understood her at the bottom of his heart. Messed up relationship but fate granted her that wish. They were part of each other that forever intertwined, tangled and become one.
Speaking about fate she wanted to know why her out of everyone had to be his....
A knock on the bathroom door made her flinch , the level of the water that was crowned with petals of rare flowers rose higher then it's container level. "My lady I am so sorry to disturb you in your time of showring but he told me he have present for you " she was glad it was not Tom voice rather a house elf one ,if her memory serves her right she will safely recall the name of Delphine for the voice owner . "It's alright Delphine thanks for telling me that" she knew that he send her to send curiosity in her to see him and know what is the present was, sneaky one isn't he, she got dressed he made sure that all of her wardrobe had luxuries clothes from every item manmade ,they had to be highest of the high end or else in his eyes it will not do her right, his wardrobe is not of a differ from hers , she settled for a simple yellow summer dress and a high socks to cover her knees , she will never wear anything short when he is in her radar.
"Precious one, you don't have the tinniest idea of what you are doing to me now "
his voice sink on her, she will never wear any short that exposes her skin, not that she was a fan of short clothes to begin with.
the marble floor welcomed her feet as the house elf led her to the garden, more accuracy one of the gardens. The ridiculous size of the land was as if it was a small country of its own and here is, he the man of the question standing and giving her a bow before claiming her hand and planting a kiss on it.
"I missed you"
"I was in the bath for twenty minutes, Riddle" his lips twisted.
"lovely angel, you don't have to remind me of the agonistic amount I was not around you" there is a lock for doors for a reason and it’s to keep the lovesick away.
she saw a box, its green color had yellow ribbons on its surface cycling it like a snake, even the house elf can tell why he chose those colors. His thumb flirt with her hand as he rubs on them, liking her body heat.
"I love the feeling of our skin together its feels right" and she longed to be contained but not like that, it’s wrong on all the right places, right on the wrong reasons.
"I am here for the present, curiosity is killing me" god by the time she escapes she will have a lifetime to spend on therapist and that therapist will need another one for himself after every session with her.
he give her a worried glance and his tone heavy with concern "my one, don't you say or suggest something like that ever again, I can’t live with the idea of losing you " she was not imagining the wet tear on his eyes , out of habit she put her hand wiping it out, out of nature he take that hand press it on his cheek before leading it to his lips and kissing it. with his extended long arm he retrieve the box, when she put distance between them he gesture for her to open it , and when she does she is captured by the present beauty.
Salazar Slytherin locket had never shined so brightly like it did in that light "you like it don't you?" her eyes had been captured by the locket and he took his sweet time glancing at every detail of her face, "its mesmerizing"
"just like you" lord have mercy, smooth one she will give him that
"turn around" he ordered.
she obeyed and his long thin fingers skillfully opened the lock and he putted it on her, it felt so right and marvelous.
"I have another present for you".
----
Azkaban eerie atmosphere screamed death and doom, it was home for him, forced to call it home after spending more than decade in it he felt strange link to it ,Grinderwarld face has aged but his feathers was still identifiable as what he was. A dark lord.
memories of his region of terror hang beyond his inner mind, his goals of making wizards and witches a superior to muggles as if it supposed to be, his only key to make that noble dream to come true lay no other than Huffman's ,this unique and sacred bloodline have unimaginable powers that no warlock or the darkest wizards could even dream off, but the dispute pose within that they are cleverly vanished from the history like they were a myth, a fragment of one imagination or even made up legend of a story to be told in a lazy winter night to children.
when he finally discovered how they managed to remain under the radar he wanted to slap the back of his head in shame, a secret keeper that pass before death the secret of the bloodline existence to another secret keeper ,foxy way to disappear but it’s not safe from the short stick of the said secret keeper untimely death, this is how they returned to existence, all what left was to find only one of them to join him, he place off lots of his followers to different places in hope to catch a wind of one of them, the more time it took the deeper his desire turned deadly , forget deathly hollows ,Huffman were the real deal, soon his fascination turned into obsession ,its forbid him from resting until he got one Huffman into his army , no it didn't matter the age , gender or blood state of the said Huffman.
He have two different aims to fulfill , firstly to get Lady Macy Galen (Korra mom) as his wife and queen, secondly to make wizards superior, ever since he met her and all what he could think off was her, his time with her as her fellow student of Beauxbatons academy of magic and they could get a future that will be envied by others, all was good until she fall in love with that muggle , he went basilisk and nearly killed him if it was not for his best friend Dumboldore stopping him, Dumboldore who is now six feet under the dirt and dead ,just like Macy .
he felt a stub of pain in his chest at that though, he waited and longed for death to get him save out of this world to her, she will always hate what he become , cant she see it was all for her?, he become dark lord to get her to notice him, why did a muggle stole her from him, he will never forget his elation when he discovered she was a Huffman ,universe love to throw every single twist at him.
he heard two footsteps walking toward his cell, one was so light like bunny, the other was balanced like a model on runaway ,the two walked in symphony that if he didn't gain acute hearing from complete solitude he will mistake them as one. He felt a wave of magic consuming all of his sense and then when he come by he found himself pined to the wall of his cell with chains, Lord Voldemort himself was honoring him with his visit and he had a women with him ,two dark lords in the same cell and a light being trapped with them.
Grindelwald looked at the women and he froze, "Ma. Mancy you are alive?" he visited her grave even digger it himself and he felt the corpse, she was truly gone, that leave one possibility. "you are her daughter" he jabbered, "Huffman, blood and soul and everything in between " the falling dark lord cooed, not believing that his dream walked to him literally. "yes she is , and keep that dirty toughs to yourself or else you want to test crucia on you " never Grinderwarld felt that the other was using legilimency on him, he didn't even make eye contact at him or felt him invading his mind, he was as good as the rumors had him to be.
"on what honor you two are visiting me for?"
it was kora who spoke "answers ", he noticed that Voldemort had his hands on her waist a clear sign of relationship and saying that she was his ,he couldn’t help but to imagine him in the other position and the daughter as her mother, it will be flawless world to make that imagination see the light , Voldemort growled and then there was nothing but the feeling of his bones turning dust through unmistakable penalty of the crime of imagination, he was being cruciaed .
he didn't know the duration of it but when it was over he found himself on the cold floor and panting like a thirsty dog, “hope that enough to make you cooperative " Voldemort voice white noise compare to the main attraction of the Huffman.
"Tom , the sooner that I ask the questions the sooner that we get out of here , it’s depressing to be here" her tone was so sweet he wanted to hear every day, if only she was Mancy,"as you wish love , I don't have a string of like in my heart for a lich like him" the gentle manner that he was speaking to her was of one of those movies about purest form of love.
"firstly, why starting the entire regain and why my bloodline of every other, I know of the powers but still get a life "
"my life ended with your mother death, I tried to commit suicide on her grave holding her corpse, but the auroras found me and now I am here “she was stunned by his answer.
"didn't anyone tell you that you are creepy obsessive lovesick specie? “he chuckled, her mother told him that a lot, but he was being her soulmate and where is the crime to love your soulmate?
"darling, do you mean me?" Voldemort asked not being sure if she was speaking to him or the falling.
"no , Tom you are my soulmate “she had to fight off the urge to choke herself , he was her bestie not lover.it had magic on him as he kissed her lips quickly .Grindelwald smirked "you don't know about the rest of the story of your bloodline do you?", a sense of dread fall on her heart , his tone had no good news on it ,he took the silence as his que to answer, “the brighter your light shine, the darker your shadow become, your bloodline have a quirk that no one will wish for on their worst enemies , to attract darkness to you , to make dark lords desire only you, yes ..to have a soulmate of darkness obsessively over you "
there is it, that cursed word that doomed her from the dawn of time, the word that awaken the devil himself that was Tom Marvalo Riddle,the delusion that in a twist of fate become truth , become her reality.
"even you know that me and her are soulmate its must to be one of kind bond that others envy us for" Tom arms caged her waist even more , "but still I can’t alter my mind of your fate " Grindelwald felt confused by Voldemort words.
before Tom could do the signature move himself korra pointed a finger at the gray-haired dark lord, infamous green light brushed from her finger illuminating the room with deadly green.
one dark lord was dead, the other having his body pressed against hers
----
"why are we in the chamber of secrets" she asked feeling a sense of raw confusion, “love , to meet the legacy that Salazar himself left as a prove that he will always love Helga at the extend of passing it to all the generation"
"a chamber that its only accessible through girls’ toilets, pervert" he laughed "I love that sense of humor of yours "
he hissed in parseltongue and the basilsilk merged in, with his eyes closed, “that it’s the legacy, touch it dear, its smooth right? but it’s no match to your skin" he flirted
indeed it was smooth and left pleasing feeling in her when she touched it ,but her mind was occupied by what she did to Grinderwarld, she didn't know what she was doing it’s like her body took matter into itself and acted up, she didn't know if it was part of the powers or not ,she had not felt that feeling of raw power before its felt so natural and deep within her soul , buries and left unattended until that moments its awaken itself .
music fall on her hearing and Tom bowed to her like a gentleman and then they danced there ,she had to act the part , after all there weeding is months from now and her only chance of escaping is the tradition of the groom leaving the bride for 24 hours that due there weeding, until then she will act , act , act until then.....
"he made the basilisk to be protector of her bloodline against mudbloods "his voice will be great for narrating any story, engaging anyone to it ,he span her and when her wrist found his , something magical happened .it come like streams of raw cosmic energy , ancient language that manifested itself within and settled there , a feeling of liquid ink of the stars themselves being written on their waists , when it was done its left words that was solid truth.
I can’t live without you
he hummed that song in relish and a long finger touched the words on her waist, it was so ghostly that his finger can be a breeze of air in a summer night ,she saw her counterpart on his waist the exact same words that can summarize there entire being.
-----
the manor felt oddly like something changed within it that matched her change , when they returned there were as always bowing death eaters to them and sentences of compliments as if both of them were a personified version of an answered prayer , till this day she couldn't get used to it , she found appreciation that he was born for the spotlight and she was born to shy away from it .
so, she failed to notice a follower mumbling to him words of approval of a delivery.
"why are we heading down?" she had never been to this part of the manor before in matter of fact she hasn’t seen all of it.
"It had failed to my attention that there is something I turned blind eye on and its should be done long time ago but you know ,my angel, that I was busy with a lot of important business to give that thing its attention" he bubbled hands holding her , leave it to him to give a speech that indirectly answer her. he loved to hear his voice, didn't he?
the door opened and what lies behind that closed door should stay behind it.
Tom riddle was being bonded by unseen robes to his rusty chair, it was not her Tom that she knew , it was the forty something version of him , what he will look like if he didn't do that deed ,if he was remind mortal and aged gracefully, his muggle father held there and completely helpless.
"why is he here?" it’s the only thing in her mind that buzzed louder then thunder.
"you mean dear, why is he still alive till now? don’t worry he won’t be" the senior made a gagging sound in response to his son assertion.
"ohh does my fool father have anything to say?, what a low life that carry made blood in his vines , a beetle that only purpose in life is to be lab genie for the wizards to test new research on" he paused for a minute to inhale a breath .
"you left my mother knowing that you are unworthy of her, she was larger than life and you were lower than the dirt" the senior again made a gag sound.
"Tom can you ungag him I want to know what he will say" she didn't care what the other will hay but she knew that her Tom will never stop talking if it was about his loathing for his father his grudge for him was undying , just like his obsession with her.
"as you wish, soulmate" with a lazy wave of his middle finger to his father, he could talk now, and the very first words were....
"Fuck you son"
what a classic, its run on the family, touché.
the junior giggled, " I am not interested on you, only in your bloodlust death, actually it’s her who should I fuck"
one thing that both of she and her father had in common, both had disgust look on them, she was glad that his attention was on his offspring and the later was glaring daggers at him to notice her greenish skin.
"now now don't you dare to get any idea of yourself in my position, you mud scam" the junior harshly said ,jealousy of something that never happened burning him, just when she tough that his condition couldn't get any worse.
"I will never think of a lady of the street like her in that way, I , who have the blood of Riddle in my vine , the heir to all ...ohhhhhh" his scream of agony nearly tore down his throat and korra found herself again in that rotten cell in Azkaban and the dead dark lord Grinderwarld dead eyes looking at her , empty with no light, he was in the afterlife now, but Crucio curse had one thing that its due to the miserable receiver, they cry sound exactly the same, that why in her mind both screams of Grinderwarld and Tom senior merge as one.
the junior sound as he stopped the curse brought her back to the present, "I am the hier of slytherine , blood of ancient pure blood run to my vine with magic you cannot imagine should end you, for this crimes, being mudblood , daring to think of marking my soulmate as yours and finally abounded my dear mother who died of a broken heart , you were never the man to stay there by her side when she needed you the most"
korra looked at the senior ,she was astonished to see the face two halves now, one for the for his father, the other for hers, she saw the similarities , both of them were never there for them leaving them to the dark , to suffer burdens that crashed them, there innocent is gone.
she felt wave of void consuming her, "kill him, he is waste of space " she was hissing, the senior looked at her as if she was the bogyman of his nightmare, Grim the ripper come for his soul.
"love!! you are truthy amazing aren't you, the reason why I remembered him was when I visited my mother grave that day and your too"
that glorious green light showed up and her father died again.
-----
its white and wonderful, her dream was miracle of light, pure in it natural form, if it not for that old man of infamous long beard and half-moon shaped glasses. They stared at each other for a very long time before he began.
"Korra Huffman or Lady Hope, I am quite disappointed in you" no hello?
"why?"
"you are literally the only one who could stop him, the prophecy was fraud to get you some time to act and be Lady Hope, he only answers to you, his soulmate"
"I am traying to bid my chance, but it is getting worse, he even threatened to kill five muggles each time I defend them" at her answer Dumboldore shrugged.
"it’s for the greater good, there death among Harry and Neville just like your mom"
time froze in that dream if that possible and so her mind, did he just....
"you are the one behind the certain, the one who send Ultio, but why"
Dumboldore began his speech and his task of explaining his deed.
"you believe in the butterfly effect don't you?, I know about your bloodline, I know that my Grinderwarld only weakness was your mother, his soulmate ,he only cared about her, I know about the quirk of your bloodline so I did that , I killed her by sending that Ultio, I know that your magic will act up killing him and triggering it all, then when she sacrificed herself Grinderwarld died with her so he tried to be physically dead to join her , and her death send your father to the state of numbness which made you what you are today so you could stop him, stop Voldemort make him see that killing muggles is wrong"
she shut down.
"YOU RUINED MY LIFE, DISTROYED ME WITH NO REPAIR, MADE MY LIFE LIVING HELL, MY PAST IS KILLING ME, MY PRESENT IS UNCHANGING, MY FUTURE IS DARK, ALLL FOR WHAT?"
Dumoldore didn't flich at her breakdown, he softly answered with voice clam and solid with no doubt even a hint of it.
"it’s for the greater good"
her mind showed her the alternative of the light lord action "if only you didn't do it I will never met him and he will never believe that we are soulmate, he will never be obsessed with me"
"oh dear child of light, it’s true, you are soulmates , there is no avoiding it , even if I didn't do what I did, he will still find you , still get you, even if he burned down the world to claim you from its ashes , there is no running from it, never"
"you are crazy you are just as dark as him, are you truthy in the light side?"
"yes, I died as I lived..."
"completely mad man"
"there was only one way to stop him, but you didn't take it that what disappoint me "
she woke up with cold sweat on her and her heartbeat so loud in her ears but it was nothing compared to her nightmare ,she found Riddle legs closing around her legs and his arms caging her torso ,like the symbol of his house he was embracing her in a snake like manner needing her body heat but it was more than the heat , she was in top of him so she felt it ,his heart beat matched hers in it racing he was still sleeping and he had heavy blush on him , she looked at him and his face was peaceful like he was light lord not the most darkest of them all if she didn't know she will be taken back by that face but again even the devil was once an angel, now cold blooded murderer, and so is Dumbledore.
she saw her waists and that words on them, in that state of mind all what she saw was the word (out) she really needed to get her nightmare out of her mind , so it’s no surprise when her nails scratch the word out .
again, and again, stronger with each turn.
'get out, get out, get out'
that nightmare is a new demon on her collection among with the epiphany of everything that had happened to her.
Where there is truly light side and dark side? she belonged to none, the light side forsaken her after its destroyed her, leaving her to be claimed by the dark side, sacrificing her like a lamb.
she smirked; she was going to show them wrath of the lamb.
her blood fall on his shirt.
-----
she was at the library with a book titled (all about soulmates) by a bitch of a witch that she didn't care about, she was now at the section of signs of a soulmate. ten ill signs.
1. You just know it.
'nope, but everyone said it'
2. They're your best friend.
' unfortunately, yes'
3. You feel a sense of calm when around them.
'before the storm, yes, I did feel calm around him when they lived at her house of the muggle world, now I still do because I am allergic to death eaters'
4. You have extreme empathy for them.
'it’s every Hufflepuff thing, it’s my thing to be empathic'
5. You respect each other.
'it’s true we do respect each other'
6. You balance each other out.
'he is the dark, I am the light'
7. You share the same life goals.
'to get rid of toxicity'
8. You challenge each other.
'Lord Voldemort and Lady Hope'
9. You can totally be yourself.
'yes, yes'
10. You fight for the relationship.
'w.....no comment'
why was she reading it? to feed the image that she was believing and feeling the bond, he was having a nosebleed there while pretending to read another book.
----
she was at the garden during that dreadful and 24 hours of being without him , yes she was completely without him for the very first time in forever, he left her to attend the last bit of touches before there weeding ,she was with both Regulus and Snape acting like her bodyguards.
Regulus was called back to do a final check on a package, that left her alone with Snape, he had that aura of hate around him and dead inside more and more.
so, it was not the wind that spat and snapped.
" die, die, die "
the dagger that he was hiding in his robes rose shiny silver dry and went down red and wet with her blood, she barley saw the light reflection and managed to judge nearly unscratched safe for a wound in her arms ,how does a tiny dagger cause sharp burning pain?.
"why you are alive when Lily is dead, I will make him feel what I felt when he killed her" he snapped voice echoing in the open space , he rise that wet dagger again but this time she was ready her survival instinct taken over her blocking everything ....even the stunting jinx that Regulus send to Snape.
"my lady I am so sorry let me check the wound " when both looked at it, it was healed not even a scar left.
that's the second sign of the said powers.
Regulus didn't question it , he just rose his wand and cast the lavation spell lifting up the body , when they walked back korra knew that her window of opportunity is gone , if she run now he will kill every single muggle till she return to him or find her , burn villages down, do unspeakable things to people, but there was another chance it was named Regulus Black.
------
she was wearing the wedding dress, she requested no help in getting ready she didn't want anyone to see her nearly breaking down, Snape died in a horrifical and what left of his body was giving to werewolves to feast on, but she didn't feel sympathy for him. he got what he deserved, Regulus Black was immediately having the title of Tom right hand, so he was using it right now, to give her personally one last present before the weeding.
"you know that I like you a lot, if we met in a different circumstance, we will be ...."
Regulus said shyly looking down toying with the package that he left to take yesterday when the assaults happened.
"we will be f... friends or even siblings like" Korra said " you know Regulus you are too soft to be death eater, too kind to be a Slytherin, too humble to be a black" he blushed at her words.
" you mean I should be in your house? both of our houses are extremely loyal and curious, my lady but have our differences that shape us "
now his tone become warry.
"I will help you escape "
---------
The door opened and korra walked in her white dress to the aisle ,she was breathtaking beautiful ,even few witches looked at her in awe , her soulmate was in more than awe , envying his own luck with her , and then she stopped next to him .
" you are taking my breath away love, black is your color "korra told her soon to be her husband. The priest began the classical vows ordering both to repeat them.
------
She felt the silky texture of the fabric of the invisibility clock in her hand awfully reminding her of the basilisk skin but she shook that memory away as she sneaked out transporting herself to the second nearest ministry of magic beside the British one ,the Italian one, she couldn't risk to go to the British one since it was under his control, France one was too close so she choose the Italian, its ministry is as what she heard extremely kind so it’s her only chance.
when she settled in the minister office and by sheer luck, he was alone she removed the clock throwing it away in desperation to be seen. The poor mistier nearly had a heart attack but before he called say anything she spoke.
"please help me I want to be away from him"
he looked puzzled, like he couldn't understand her, so she switched to Italian her father native language.
"I want your help in shielding me from him "
"I know you .... Lady hope" hope is still alive, so naturally good deed is being rewarded,
"Yes, I am"
"you are my lord soulmate" not only it was in English, but it was a settlement that meant .... all hope is gone.
"m.....my Lord?"
"yes, my lady ....and my lord" he bowed, he was there right behind her, the smell pf blood hanged on the air.
his arms left wet mark on her shoulder as he settled them there and then that manic laugh echoed through that massive office, the sound waves come back to her ears from them it entered her body settling in her broken soul.
"you ,my soulmate ,wanted to personally see the extend of my control so much that you abounded our weeding for it making Regulus Polyjuice into you , he is dead now ,red his coffin ,I will give a hint all of the magical society in the world is mine , I am sorry ours a mate is an equal"
he spans her around facing him, facing red eyes of the devil, finger under her chin and he left her head to take a good look at his bloody suit.
"I am sorry Korra , the wedding must frightened you but you didn't want to break my heart so you send him as you "
he kissed her and she tested blood on his lips, he broke apart to laugh again that maniac psychotics laugh, it didn't have to be echo through anything as it directly invaded her soul.
"'and then when he see I view him as a soulmate, I will run away when he give me freedom, when he trust me blindly " he recited her though of that night that he escaped and got her , which meant...
"you were in my head but ...."
"how?, you see love , when I knew we were soulmate I didn't want it to be like another soulmate bond I wanted it to be more symbolic and unique so I took part of your soul and putted it in me and part of mine and putted it in you "
he toyed with her wrist before capturing them with one hand of his now his eyes returned that dark color.
"we are each other horcruxes" at her word he jumped in joy.
"yes , one of the things your shard did to me made me lucky in achieving it in a very short time , one of mine did to you is it made you parseltongue it was quite the romantic move when you spoke it to me ordering to kill my fool father when you hissed it at me and again you spoke it again in your sleep that day "
this is it , her mind being her enemy, so now epiphany happened what Dumbledore told her by that she couldn't use that only way to stop him, he meant to kill herself, but since their souls is forever intertwined as one, it’s impossible he won completely.
"now now, dear soulmate since you didn't do the weeding it’s time for those to pay the price of your defining me since there movies made you so blind to see that we are meant to be together, we are soulmate "
more than five muggles died that day, and he have won.
Lady hope is no more.
Trivia facts:
this actually started as a drabble discussing both OC and Tom’s relationship but it ended up as a sequel
Kindly leave comments and feedback , ask any question you would like me to answer, I am doing an ask event for gifts you can ask any character anything and I will answer as them.
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
Facing Your Demons - Season 6 Character Speculation: MURPHY
Well, we’re down three episodes of the season so far, and if I’m remembering correctly, somewhere JRoth has said that the real story of the season doesn’t really show itself until episode 4. Or something like that. But that even though the eclipse-induced psychosis may not be an ongoing thing, that “facing your demons” is still going to be an issue.
So that’s made me think a lot about my faves and what their demons are or could be, and how that may play into what I see S6 being about. As a whole, I think that S6 is going to give us a lot of callbacks to past issues that our Earthkru have previously faced and we’ll see if they choose to right their mistakes or if they handle things differently now that they are older - and presumably - wiser. Obvious parallel here - Mt. Weather and the factions on Sanctum. But also Octavia being linked to the Grounders in S1 and Gabriel’s Children now in S6. And plenty more!
Lemme dive deeper and let’s start with MURPHY!
Oh, this could be so good. So he died in 6x03 - Abby tells him his heart stopped. I think Murphy going through this is actually super deliberate. Let me preface this to say that I'm a big Murven shipper (lmao duh) and absolutely believe that Raven and Murphy are on similar journeys through this series and are opposite sides of the same coin. They have countless parallels and similar experiences in their lives (I’ve made past posts about it) and here’s another.
Who else died like this? Raven - she did it to herself in order to get ALIE out of her head in S4. She drowns herself and stops her heart - what a coincidence. And what else did Raven experience in this process - hallucinations. Brought on by ALIE yes, and resulted in her manifesting Sinclair (good angel?) and ALIE (bad demon?) where she ultimately had a choice to make about living or dying. She never says anything in canon about whether she experienced any visions of an afterlife, but that doesn't mean she didn't.
Anyway, Murphy's arc in this entire show has actually had him bumping up against religious plots. The entire saga with Jaha, searching for the COL was a religious journey on Jaha's part, obviously, but the argument is there that Murphy was searching for something too. I mean - they went through the desert, what a religious metaphor! And they are on a journey for (en)LIGHT(enment). And I'd venture to say that in a way he found it - when faced with personal crisis (being stuck in the Lighthouse), he chooses not to commit suicide (same as Raven).
But he sees this religious fervor on Jaha's part and refuses it - doesn't buy it, won't swallow it (literally won't take the chip). Murphy chooses to fight for rationality and freedom, ultimately helping in Polis to defeat ALIE and the religious crusade of the COL. I also note that it's interesting to me that in 3x06, Jaha lies to Raven about something in front of ALIE (Raven has taken the chip here). ALIE asks Jaha why he lies to Raven, and Jaha replies that Murphy knew the truth and they lost him - insinuating that if Raven knows the truth, they will lose her too (which they do).
(and on a complete side note but related - John Murphy gets banished and isolated on an island in canon. Biblical references suggest that a man named John of Patmos wrote the Revelations section of the Bible while he was isolated on an island, and believe me when I say I got a million theories about this)
Murphy gets out of the COL mess but is stuck in Polis, and what happens then? He comes to the attention of Titus, the Flamekeeper and Lexa's advisor - aka another run in with religion. It goes even deeper for him when he pretends to be Ontari's Flamekeeper and is in and out of the Temple in Polis. Murphy actually knows quite a bit about Becca and her origins from his time with the videos in the Lighthouse bunker AND his time in the temple at Polis with all the drawings and history of her.
So how does this tie in to FACING HIS DEMONS and the belief that he’s going to hell? First of all, I think it's realistic for him to be freaked out that he "died". He's a survivor and takes pride in that - it's his identity. But is that identity gone now? Maybe he doesn't feel like a survivor any more? Maybe he feels like it's too late, maybe he wants an out, maybe the pain of his past and his actions is too much for him... and maybe he thinks religion or what the Under-the-Dome people represent will help him, can calm him. What does this sound like to me? Oh, the arc where Raven decided she was in so much pain that she took the 'out' of the chip? Oh, the one where ultimately she realized it was false and she fought her way out of it because even though it was painful, she wanted her own life and memories and feelings back? Hmmm...... interesting. Are we going to see Murphy have to accept his life as-is? Is he going to suck it up and build a brace for his own shortcomings? I guess we’ll see.
On the flip side, to throw out another possibility - Murphy is a lot smarter than people give him credit for. I would truly not put it past him to act interested in religious salvation in order to learn more about this society. Remember - he tells Ontari that it's better to lie your way out of something than to kill your way out (3x11).
In addition, if we tie it all in to facing your demons, I think there's an easy argument to be made that Murphy doesn't think he's worthy, that he's 'bad' in comparison to others or shouldn't have survived this long while other (better?) people have died (His Dad? Monty? Harper?). He's ALWAYS been about guilt, always. It's not a jump for him to think he needs to be punished. A dive into escapism via alcoholism or religion to numb his thoughts is absolutely an in-character thing for him. Although of course I’d really like to see Raven having a chat with him at some point about how he’s better than their mothers and should knock it off with the drinking.
Blah blah blah, too long, sorry. I get carried away with Raven & Murphy! Regardless of what happens next, I’ll be watching. And also writing Murven fic!
#the 100 season 6#the 100 season 6 speculation#the 100 season 6 theories#john murphy#my meta#murven#raven reyes
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
Week 7: FREEDOM WEEK
May 25, 2021
This past week was probably one of my most favorite week other than the first week which was hearing the voice of God.
Sam Chang was our speaker this week who is one of the leaders here overseeing the discipleship training schools here in YWAM Kona. He was gifted in wisdom, hilarious, and a great story-teller. His style of leading lecture was a bit unusual at first because it would predominantly be him opening up the floor to anyone who had any question about anything. I see it now as an opportunity that God used through Sam to allow us to ask questions because we weren’t given that opportunity as much from any of the other lecturers. It also was a great opportunity for our team to gauge how we all were doing spiritually. For example one of our team members during our lecture break shared that she felt like she couldn’t breathe and asked what could be done. Sam asked if anyone else was feeling this way and many of our team members surprisingly were feeling depressed and spiritual down in the morning. He then lead us on a time of spiritual warfare by having us all stand up and repeat after him in declarative prayer. We did multiple sessions of declarative spiritual warfare prayer and as elementary it sounds, it was LIBERATING. There is power when you we declare it out in faith and hearing our own voice casting out lies and reinstating God’s truth of who we are in Him.
For example “Heavenly Father! I repent of believing any lies of the enemies! He is a liar and a destroyer and I no longer will believe his lies! Enemy! Get out! You have no place here! I repent of believing that the shame that has had a grip over me! I repent believing that I am no worthy to be loved and I have to fight for your affection! I am a beloved daughter of God whom you have loved and died for! I am worthy of love! You love me the same and you will never let me go! God I cast out those enemies in Jesus name and I ask that you cover me in the blood of Christ! In Jesus name! Amen!”
It reminds me when we are standing and shouting this war cry, how desperate and alert we need to be to fight the enemy and his tactics! This is something that I am thankful to be able to take home with me and share with anyone else who struggles with freedom. Also I tried my best to record the lectures (except the first week) so if anyone is interested please let me know!
Here are some key points from this past week’s lecture:
-God’s love doesn’t change. The perfect love of God is always showering over us. There are filters in our lives that actually prevents from receiving the love of God. These strongholds are patterns of thinking, the agreements we made, that determine our reality. Some calls them “word curses”, “inner vowels” “accusations”, ultimately it’s when we make agreement with anything that is not true.What you think of yourself and the lies are powerful strongholds. When we get hurt, we build a wall. The inner vows..i will never to vulnerable again. I’m never going to get hurt. The funny thing about walls is you can’t decide who goes in and out. The places you put walls in your heart keeps everyone out including God. You are vulnerable to all or to no one. You face depression, anxiety, and suicide..you are developing a suicidal wall where you are dying on the inside. The importance of us in breaking strongholds, is that not only our relationship with God will be restored but all around us. We as Christians need to process our pain and yet choose to forgive.
- Roots of rejections: Absence father and mother, Lack of bonding with our parents, Divorce, Not being wanted as a child, Being blamed for our parents ,Abuse, Parent’s addiction,Shame of a family member, Constant fighting or strife, Unjust discipline, Mistreating, Addiction,Not happy with your own experience, infidelity of a spouse, loss of value or employment, Betrayal by close friend, Unexpected death of loved one, spiritual hurt or betrayal in the church
- Fruits of rejection ( emotional response)Nervous, Talking over people, fear of being not heard, Inability to rest without activity,I am inpatient of my personal growth and the growth of others, Pursuing comfort, Lust ,Procrastination, I delay taking responsibility and discipline,I live for weekend or for sport, Social awkwardness, I gravitate towards those who are shy, I communicate with others in guarded terms,I replay what I could have said, Inability to accept self, I am hard on myself and my looks, I am discouraged by my personal failures, I am not able to receive God’s love, I downplay or boast my ability, I am unable to truly experience other’s victory, I am jealous and envy desirable qualities of others, I am extremely hard on myself, I become angry of past rejections and blame myself, Critical attitude towards others, I don’t fully trust others, I immediately skeptical of new people, they have to prove myself, Isolation, I’m not a people person, I feel better off alone, I often say “ if only I had __” I would be “___”, I think if I try harder, people will approve me, Self pity, I feel I am not loved by anyone, not God, Everyone is disappointed, even God, I feel I can’t get it together, Defensiveness, I see correction as an attack, I react harshly with correction, Numbness, I’m unable to have emotion, I give up on area of personal holiness, Drugs, drinking, sexual relations
-Areas we can recognize rejection in our life: I receive what others say to me with a lens of rejection, I find it difficult to really use my spiritual gifts, I find it difficult to accept praise and encouragement freely from others, I tend to be skeptical and unbelieving, I tend to doubt, mistrust, and question authority,I am possessive in relationships, I am afraid that I or my loved ones are not chosen by God for salvation, I am both critical and envious at the same time towards others that are confident, I need to control my family in order to keep them safe to succeed so that they will love and appreciate me, When we are face with rejection we go to our coping mechanism
-Rejection...is a CHOICE YOU BELIEVE. YOU HAVE A CHOICE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE LOVED BY GOD
-Anger is NOT the primary. Anger is not the root but the FRUIT. Anger surfaces from something deeper like shame, insecurity, inadequacy, not having it my way.
-How do I know if I am walking in conviction vs shame? Conviction leads you to Jesus. Shame keeps you away from Jesus.
--When we are overcoming shame, it’s hard because there is this familiar feeling and when Jesus corrects us it may feel off ( like changing your tennis swing), but as you keep doing it knowing that it will produce the right outcome, despite the feeling of it being off, you get better and you swing better. Sometimes as christians we are so afraid to try because we are not doing it perfectly. But just as a toddler is walking and stumbling, the father is not saying you are not walking perfectly, he is rejoicing taking videos and so proud of his child walking!
-When you have a heart, and there is shame, rejection, hurt, there is a lie attached to it. When we experience something not good, shame says “ I am not good”, and when we make agreement to that shame, we are saying to the enemy, “I give you freedom and authority” Then there it becomes a stronghold where the enemy has a foothold in your life. When revelation from Christ comes in, and helps you to recognize shame and lie, then that breaks the foothold and you are healed. However there is temptation, that reminds you “ hey you are not good enough”, he wants access to your heart. When you stand against and say “ I am worthy and close to the heart of Jesus”, then that solidifies the freedom in your life. Christianity is not about being free from sin and perfection, it’s about filling your life in Christ so that there is no more room for anything else. When you repent, you are doing authority exchange. The devil is no longer your leader, Christ is, and when you walk in freedom you proclaim that proclaim. Repentance is your break up with the enemy.
-Forgiveness is the foundation of God’s kingdom and God’s character
-Unforgiveness is putting yourself as the judge to provide justice for yourself
-Forgiveness is necessary when we have been violated one way or another. Regardless of the situation there is a debt. In order to forgive you must take that debt and release the offender. Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling.
-”Open doors” are where we open our spirits to entertain different things in our lives. Sin is the biggest open door where we allow the enemy do whatever he wants with us. There are also open doors of compromise in our life that does the same. Examples of Open doors: soul ties (physical, spiritual, and emotional), drugs, explicit violent movies, music, witchcraft, any other areas where you put others before Jesus.
-Fear is a result due to lack of faith
-Examples of living in fear: my prayer times and bible times are motivated in fear, my relationship with Jesus is performance based, I fear failing God, I fear punishment from God, Forms of punishment I fear: withholding of financial blessing, true love and forgiveness, God is going to make me suffer unnaturally, God is withholding himself ignoring me not listening, fear of man, fear of becoming a self-fulfilled prophecy, I fear falling back into sin, I fear I will not free from habitual sin and addiction, I fear I will never get married, I fear failing in marriage, I fear I will get divorced, I fear intimacy and being seen for who I really am. I fear my children will not turn out well. I fear not succeeding in a good career, I fear disappointing my parents and those I respect, I fear my past and suffering shame form my past, I fear my past will disgrace me, I fear God’s punishment for my past, I fear confessing a sexual struggle sin, I fear God would not heal me from my scars, I fear I will be found out for who I am.
Because freedom week was so liberating, it was also emotionally draining since it required a lot of heart work and self-reflection. I would often go to the beach or try to squeeze in some alone time with God and feel restored. This past weekend we went to Mauna Kea which is a well known dormant volcano here in the Big Island. We went around 3pm and the drive to the volcano was BEAUTIFUL. We felt just overwhelmed with the rolling hills and how we eventually were driving above the clouds. Unfortunately when we got the visitor center we were told we couldn’t go to the very top since it was icy! Yes, I had to wear 4 layers of clothes because there was snow up in this volcano! We instead just chilled in the visitor center which was still beautiful. Also it was our team member’s birthday on Sunday so we celebrated with ramen, costco’s hot dogs, and mango cheesecake.
On our way back I had a good conversation with one of my team member who has autism. A lot of the team members are worried about him going with us on outreach since he has the tendency to underestimate his strength, especially when playing around with kids, and would wander off without telling us where he is. I was worried he might just fall asleep on my drive back when I asked him to keep me company and he did actually really well. I can tell he is often misunderstood and he does have a kind heart who desires to love and be loved.
On Sunday, my roomies and I went to Livingstone church together and went to Two Step to snorkel after. It was tough encouraging them to overcome the fear of the ocean but it was worth seeing them over come their fear. My roomie Naeun who is a great chef made us kimchi fried rice and Juhye who is also a great chef made us rrabboki. While eating dinner we shared how we are doing and what we were most thankful for. It was a beautiful time for us as roomies to see how far we’ve come in our walk with the Lord, how God has restored us so much, and how thankful we were that God has put us in the same room together.
Prayer request:
1)Perseverance and God’s grace: June 9 is technically when I am supposed to have my period and I am reminded everyday of the possibilities that I would not be healed. Perhaps I was wrong when people prayed for me and I felt confirmation. My neck and shoulders are still pretty stiff and painful in the morning and sometimes I get tingling of my hands. This morning I felt particularly defeated and frustrated but God reassured me to trust in His timing.
2) Continual renewing of my mind. I have had complete closure of all the bondages that I’ve faced and thought of but the enemy is fighting hard to remind or tempt me to return to the bondage of fear, rejection, and shame. I recently felt rejected by someone and I caught myself replaying our conversation and the scenario over and over again and beating myself up for it. This person keeps coming up in my head and I’m trying hard to fight this distraction but in the end I pray for more of Christ in me so that there would be nothing else.
3) Financial provision. I have raise $130 out of $800 that I need raise by June 28, 2021. Please pray that God would release his financial provision and stir the hearts of those he called to serve the people of Mazatlan.
Mahalo for taking the time to read this!
Alicia
0 notes
Photo
little-fangirl27 @little-fangirl27
hat auf dein Video geantwortet “smol-katie @smol-katie hat auf dein Foto geantwortet “It’s that...”
...Japan has strict gun control...and they have very little shootings..also England ....but you are rigth, probably more control laws wont changed anything ..probably is the culture ...
Culture, you got one keyword. Violence being the second one.
You take two very interesting exemples, and I will add a third and a fourth one for comparison purposes if you don’t mind.
UK (I’m not limiting the situation to England, it would be far too easy) is riddled with violence. Despite their official stance on firearms (and more broadly, all weapons), people get shot, stabbed, acid burnt, crushed under trucks, maimed by IEDs or just punched to death. Life in that joke of a country looks like a Happy Tree Friends episode. It’s like the Mexico of the Eastern hemisphere in a way. I would not even take in account petty crime, after all, the Police neither. What is terrifying, it is that each occurrence increases the pressure of the surveillance net over law-abiding citizens. It sounds like a great success.
Japan is a very interesting case. Once again, one would hope that in such a homogeneous, isolated population with incredibly strong and rigid social control and a avoidance of conflict culture orientation, gun violence would be zero. It’s almost zero (which is very nice) — but there are still obnoxious people taking the pain to illegally own firearms and committing crimes with them. Not very neighbourly, I guess. Thankfully, the social structure allows only for a very low criminal and delinquency rate ; violence is still present though, and if mass-murder is a relatively rare event, you can still be stabbed (for not being polite enough, I presume). Fun thing, Japanese people have a fetish for the gun that is almost pornographic in nature.
youtube
On the other hand, all that social pressure is internalized and not only is a bane on individual freedom and development, but leads to a huge suicide crisis in all part of the population.
In these two cases (three if you include Australia, but I’m already longposting and excellent analysis of the Australian case are available everywhere), strong-handed measures has an effect on gun violence, but absolutely none on violence in general (criminals and violent people using other means of destruction to impose their power on others ; firearm prohibition creating a black market by making the importation or manufacturing of firearms very risky, hence very lucrative).
Let’s go now to beautiful Switzerland. Switzerland has recently (at the turn of the Century) implemented gun control measures — with disastrous results. Violence (imported or local), including gun violence is increasing each year. But on the other way, we still have a relatively low crime level compared to other Eurostates. That’s because we have a culture quite similar to the Japanese one, with an endless quest for consensus, common good protection, social control, almost no poverty, a quite good health and mental system, a strong and homogeneous culture, etc. Also, we got one of the best gun education in the world. While Switzerland is not exempt of problems, we are (for the moment) still a true democracy, where the people is the King, and citizens are responsible adults that keep their guns at home (and like responsible adults, are severely punished if they do stupid things with them). My guess is that tomorrow, you bring Japan level of gun ownership to the Switzerland one, this would have little to none consequence on crime and violence, if people are given a decent education about firearms.
Last but not least, the black sheep of gun ownership : the U.S.A. The numbers are truly terrifying and indeed advocate for strict gun control. But sadly, numbers lie. The risk of being shot by a firearm if you’re not a criminal is very, very, very, very low, to the point of being anecdotal. I’m not saying there is a causation link, but area riddled with gun violence are generally the ones with the strictest gun control laws, while most of the rest of the country see a sturdy decrease in violent crime. Like in most developped countries, what you should really be afraid of is sugar, pools, cars, air pollution (including cigarettes) and stairs. Of course, gun deaths, especially mass-murders, are random, gruesome and very spectacular. We, lawful gun-owners, are always struck by emotion when we see some motherfucker destroy innocent lives on a whim. But that’s a risk that a free society has to endure. Because it’s low. And relatively easy to counteract.
Guns save hundredfold times innocent lives than they take. In a way, they are like vaccines — they are not magical, they offer herd immunity if the proportion of positive people is high enough, and when they fuck you up, they fuck you up very bad. Don’t be irrational about vaccines, don’t be irrational about guns. It’s your right to not like them, it’s your duty to know at least how to safely handle them.
tl;dr : gun control does nothing to cure a violence problem. Prohibition creates way more problems than it can resolve. This blog is about gun porn, so it may seems I partake to that fetishisation of the gun. While I appreciate them æsthetically and mechanically, I care only about them because of their counterpower potential. Control and confiscation of firearms are not just random political bullying of a hobby, it’s generally the first act of something way darker, from tyranny to genocide.
Because having a gun, is having the means of autonomy, of being a free citizen, not a mere prey, a subject or a slave. And I want that for anyone. Everyone deserves to be free.
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
Byron, Shelley 6/19
Prometheus Unbound BY PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY
Background: Percy Bysshe Shelley was born on August 4t h 1792 in Horsham, Sussex, England and died at the age of 29 on July 8t h 1822. Percy was a very influential, and inspiring amongst lyric and philosophical poets in the English language. Percy did not see fame during his lifetime However, all his recognition came after his death. He was well known for being a rebellion against authority, his power of the visionary imagination and of poetry, and his spirit in search of freedom. This was not only displayed in his works but this is also how Percy chose to live his life. Most publishers and journals declined to publish his work for fear of being arrested for either a religious crime o r troublemaking . One can say Shelley’s poetry was harsher than what the people were ready for. This can all be seen in Shelley’s poem “ Prometheus Unbound” by Percy Bysshe Shelley. Prometheus Unbound is a four act lyrical drama that was published in 1820. It is a story of Prometheus, who betrays the Gods and gives fire to humanity. He is punished for this action and is left to suffer. Prometheus struggles to become free from captivity because Jupiter refuses to let him go. However, Jupiter is later left behind with his authority and ends up falling from power.
Quote 1: Whilst me, who am thy foe, eyeless in hate, Hast thou made reign and triumph, to thy scorn, O'er mine own misery and thy vain revenge. Three thousand years of sleep-unsheltered hours, And moments aye divided by keen pangs
Till they seemed years, torture and solitude, Scorn and despair,—these are mine empire:—
Question 1 : What does Prometheus mean when he says “these are mine empire”?
Quote 2 : Nailed to this wall of eagle-baffling mountain, Black, wintry, dead, unmeasured; without herb, Insect, or beast, or shape or sound of life. Ah me! alas, pain, pain ever, for ever!
Question2 : How do you think religion is tied into the poem? What is Prometheus describing?
Quote 3:
The curse
Once breathed on thee I would recall. Ye Mountains, Whose many-voicèd Echoes, through the mist
Of cataracts, flung the thunder of that spell! Ye icy Springs, stagnant with wrinkling frost,
Which vibrated to hear me, and then crept Shuddering through India! Thou serenest Air, Through which the Sun walks burning without beams! And ye swift Whirlwinds, who on poisèd wings Hung mute and moveless o'er yon hushed abyss, As thunder, louder than your own, made rock The orbèd world! If then my words had power, Though I am changed so that aught evil wish Is dead within; although no memory be Of what is hate, let them not lose it now! What was that curse? for ye all heard me speak.
Question 3:
How would you describe the poems ending verses it’s beginning? Do you think Prometheus truly learned a lesson?
Question 4:
How would you connect this poem to the time period of romanticism? Does this poem relate to any of the past stories or poems we have read?
Question 5:
What do you think is this poem’s overall message? How do you think the writer wanted his audience to receive this poem?
Argument:
One can argue that in the poem Prometheus Unbound Shelley wrote with an intent of raising some questions in the reader’s head. Does religion play as a dictator in our lives? Or is it a guide that one can use to seek freedom and peace? In the poem it states
Made multitudinous with thy slaves, whom thou Requitest for knee-worship, prayer, and praise, Where it states those that pray and worship are enslaved mentally,physically and spiritually. Shelley was known to despise marriage and institutions like the
Christian Church and the Monarchy. Which is why he identifies Jupiter as a Monarch. Shelley uses symbolism to show that resistance against authority can lead to extreme punishment and isolation from society. Shelley was a radical thinker that believed in freedom.By going against Jupiter and giving humanity fire , Prometheus is essentially a hero for challenging the authoritative figure. He feels that everyone should live this way so that they can experience true freedom. Prometheus was willing to sacrifice his own comfort and life in order to stand up to power of Jupiter and live within his freedom.
DON JUAN, CANTO III
Background
George Gordon Noel Byron, 6th Baron Byron, was born 22 January 1788 in London and died 19 April 1824 in Missolonghi, Greece. He was among the most famous of the English ‘Romantic’ poets; his contemporaries included Percy Shelley and John Keats. He was also a satirist whose poetry and personality captured the imagination of Europe. His major works include Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage (1812-18) and Don Juan (1819-24). He died of fever and exposure while engaged in the Greek struggle for independence.
Born with a clubfoot, he was taken by his mother, Catherine Gordon, to Aberdeen, Scotland, where they lived in lodgings on a meager income.He was extremely sensitive of his lameness; its effect upon his character was obvious enough . It was rumored that his nurse, May Gray, made physical advances to him when he was only nine. This experience and his idealized love for his distant cousins Mary Duff and Margaret Parker shaped his paradoxical attitudes toward women.
In 1803 he fell in love with his distant cousin, Mary Chaworth, who was older and already engaged, and when she rejected him she became the symbol for Byron of idealized and unattainable love. In 1805 Byron entered Trinity College, Cambridge, where he piled up debts at an alarming rate and indulged in the conventional vices of undergraduates there. The signs of his incipient sexual ambivalence became more pronounced in what he later described as “a violent, though pure, love and passion” for a young chorister, John Edleston. Alongside Byron’s strong attachment to boys, often idealized as in the case of Edleston, his attachment to women throughout his life is an indication of the strength of his heterosexual drive.
During the summer of 1813, Byron apparently entered into intimate relations with his half sister Augusta, now married to Colonel George Leigh. He then carried on a flirtation with Lady Frances Webster as a diversion from this dangerous liaison. The agitations of these two love affairs and the sense of mingled guilt and exultation they aroused in Byron are reflected in the series of gloomy and remorseful Oriental verse tales he wrote at this time: The Giaour (1813); The Bride of Abydos (1813); The Corsair (1814), which sold 10,000 copies on the day of publication; and Lara (1814).
Seeking to escape his love affairs in marriage, Byron proposed in September 1814 to Anne Isabella (Annabella) Milbanke. The marriage took place in January 1815, and Lady Byron gave birth to a daughter, Augusta Ada , in December 1815. From the start the marriage was doomed by the gulf between Byron and his unimaginative and humorless wife; and in January 1816 Annabella left Byron to live with her parents, amid swirling rumours centring on his relations with Augusta Leigh and his bisexuality. The couple obtained a legal separation . Wounded by the general moral indignation directed at him, Byron went abroad in April 1816, never to return to England.
Byron sailed up the Rhine River into Switzerland and settled at Geneva, near Percy Bysshe Shelley and Mary Godwin (soon to be Mary Shelley ), who had eloped and were living with Claire Clairmont, Godwin’s half sister. (Byron had begun an affair with Clairmont in England.)
At the end of the summer the Shelley party left for England, where Clairmont gave birth to Byron’s daughter Allegra in January 1817. In October Byron and Hobhouse departed for Italy . They stopped in Venice , where Byron enjoyed the relaxed customs and morals of the Italians and carried on a love affair with Marianna Segati, his landlord’s wife.
In the light, mock-heroic style of Beppo Byron found the form in which he would write his greatest poem, Don Juan , a satire in the form of a picaresque verse tale. The first two cantos of Don Juan were begun in 1818 and published in July 1819. Byron transformed the legendary libertine Don Juan into an unsophisticated, innocent young man who, though he delightedly succumbs to the beautiful women who pursue him, remains a rational norm against which to view the absurdities and irrationalities of the world.
Summary of Don Juan
The story, told in seventeen cantos, begins with the birth of Don Juan. As a young man he is precocious sexually, and has an affair with a friend of his mother. The husband finds out, and Don Juan is sent away to Cádiz. On the way, he is shipwrecked, survives and meets the daughter of a pirate, whose men sell Don Juan as a slave. A young woman, who is a member of a sultan’s harem, sees that this slave is purchased. She disguises him as a girl and sneaks him into her chambers. Don Juan escapes, joins the Russian army and rescues a Muslim girl named Leila. Don Juan meets Catherine the Great, who asks him to join her court. Don Juan becomes sick, is sent to England, where he finds someone to watch over Leila. Next, a few adventures involving the aristocracy of Britain ensued.
Canto III A long digression from the main story in which Byron, in the style of an epic catalogue, describes Haidée and Don Juan’s celebrations. The islanders believe Haidée’s father, Lambro, has died, but he returns and witnesses these revels. Towards the end of the canto, Byron insults his contemporaries William Wordsworth , Robert Southey and Samuel Taylor Coleridge . In this latter section is “The Isles of Greece ”, a section numbered differently from the rest of the canto with a different verse, which explores Byron’s views on G reece’s status as a “slave” to th e Ottoman Empire .
Don Juan remains unfinished; Byron completed 16 cantos and had begun the 17th before his own illness and death. Over forty operas have been based on his works, in addition to three operas about Byron himself (including Virgil Thomson’s Lord Byron). His poetry was set to music by many Romantic composers, including Beethoven , Schubert , Rossini , Mendelssohn , Schumann , and Carl Loewe. There are 900 different poems of George Gordon, Lord Byron and almost all of them are about love to a woman.
Question 1: Byron removes himself from his writing and critiques his own characters; writing about love and women in an ironic and satirical fashion. Is it means to provoke just humor, or is this in response to others who do not approve of his previous works?
Quote 1:
“Haidee and Juan were not married, but The fault was theirs, not mine; it is not fair, Chaste reader, then, in any way to put The blame on me, unless you wish they were; Then if you ’d have them wedded, please to shut The book which treats of this erroneous pair,
Before the consequences grow too awful; ’T is dangerous to read of loves unlawful.”
Question 2: Byron goes off on a stagnant where a poet entertains DJ and Haidee with a lyrical ballad “The Isles of Greece”, a lament for Greece’s present state of subjection to Turkey. After the poem, he then deviates on the subject and talks about how a poet’s words has a lasting effect on the temporary nature of human fame, calling out (mocking) Wordsworth, Coleridge and other authors. What purpose does this serve in this canto and how does it tie into the original story being told?
Quote 2:
“But words are things, and a small drop of ink, Falling like dew, upon a thought, produces That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think; ’T is strange, the shortest letter which man uses Instead of speech, may form a lasting link Of ages; to what straits old Time reduces Frail man, when paper—even a rag like this, Survives himself, his tomb, and all that ’s his.”
“Which pye being opened they began to sing’ (This old song and new simile holds good), ‘A dainty dish to set before the King’ Or Regent, who admires such kind of food. And Coleridge too has lately taken wing,
But like a hawk encumbered with his hood, Explaining metaphysics to the nation. I wish he would explain his explanation.”
“And Wordsworth in a rather long Excursion (I think the quarto holds five hundred pages) Has given a sample from the vasty version Of his new system to perplex the sages.
'Tis poetry, at least by his assertion, And may appear so when the Dog Star rages, And he who understands it would be able To add a story to the tower of Babel.”
Question 3: Byron fails to mention what happens to DJ and Haidee’s relationship and whether or not Haidée realizes that her father has come home. Why not go on with his satirical pros on the development of romance or tragedy? And do you think this Canto was purely written to mock or to express his political views of society?
Argument:
“Soft hour! which wakes the wish and melts the heart, Of those who sail the seas, on the first day, When they from their sweet friends are torn apart; Or fills with love the pilgrim on his way, As the far bell of vesper makes him start, Seeming to weep the dying day’s decay; Is this a fancy which our reason scorns? Ah! surely nothing dies but something mourns!”
Byron embraces his speaker Don Juan and uses him to express his own criticisms of English people and their culture. He takes on various views about gender,societal roles, the plea for conquered Greece, and the amusing attacks on poets while keeping to his satirical nature. In the midst of all of his own criticisms, I believe the point of this work is to express how life is short lived and even when something is gone, words written and read can send a message to be remembered throughout the ages.
0 notes
Text
my dumb story
My life is hidden in a shadow no one can see through, not even me.
My childhood was so abusive I remember little. Demon-spawn, I was, bitch, someone despised and faulty. I came to see myself this way. Even as I tidied the house to make it a little more peaceful, or made the boys birthday breakfasts, or dinner for mom and dad because I thought a date would help. I took such care of my stuffed animals and prayed my sheepdog, Crystal, would come alive so I would not be so lonely. I wanted something to cuddle, a friend to protect me.
I was not protected. My innocence was taken from me and I learned to hate my body. At 5 I looked in the mirror, noted my child pot-belly and considered myself disgusting. At 1, I rocked back and forth violently, slamming my head into things until I wore a crown of bruises. The doctor asked if there was abuse. “There was none.” Want to know a secret? I rock back and forth every day, whenever I am alone. I cannot stop. I cringe from the memories, the feelings, the darkness in my heart and belly which I fight with all my spirit, all my being. I want to live. I crave the light, I crave goodness and truth and... why, oh why, does this pain still tear at me? How can it remain a kind of torture?
I remember being crushed against the sliding door, unable to move, so I slid it open and ran. It was snowing. I was not wearing shoes. I knew he would be after me, unable to hold back once he had decided to hurt me. I was prey, and I scampered up a tree, so high. So close. I shook and wept and all I had were the needles to hide me.
He locked me in the bathroom with him and I was so uncomfortable as he shouted at me in the small, echoing room, backing me into a corner, spitting in my face. Once, when I was 8, he held me against the mirror by my throat and I could not breathe, for too long. I wondered if I would die.
He locked me in the car with him during school, when I misbehaved, and rage-drove around with me. I remember fantasizing about throwing myself out, if only to make it stop. I still cannot hold still in cars. It took me a long time to be able to wear the chest strap of a seat belt, so trapped did I feel there.
I sassed him at the dinner table, and earned a slap so hard blood sprayed from my nose. When I was 6, I was sent outside in the winter dusk without so much as a blanket, and told I was banished from the family. I remember sitting there with such a feeling of isolation, my heart so broken it felt like it was full of rainwater, of tears, but I could not cry. I knew they did not love me. It was no surprise, really. But who would have me? Where would I go?
He threatened to give me away to mean neighbors, he squeezed my head til it cracked and I thought it would burst like a melon, he twisted my arms and he threw me to the ground and he struck me until I wept and he had his victory. It became a matter of pride to resist tears. For then I would lose. I had nothing, nothing if not my will. But every time, he broke me. He told me with disgust that I was pathetic. I was so sensitive. I was angry, I tried to be tough, but Gods, I was tender. I wrote him letters telling him I still loved him after he hurt me terribly. And I did love him. I loved both of my parents, so much that I prayed I would die before them. While I responded with defiance outwardly, my closet and my cats heard many disconsolate tears while I hid to recover my strength and save face. I hated my life and I hated myself, truly.
Oftentimes I would wake at night unable to sleep, filled with this hollow sorrow, and wander out in the indigo night, under the stars, and there were my trees dreaming in slow, dusty winds. I would climb my pine, sit on a low, sturdy branch, press my face into the sweet-smelling bark, and cry. I felt its cool presence, its awareness center on me. I considered that tree my best friend, sad as it sounds, but it was always there, always calm. It soothed me.
My friends were a respite. I loved them as a puppy loves its people, eager to visit, eager to play, full of affections. But we kept moving. And my parents could not afford the gas money to drive across city or state to visit. I lost them all. We moved 13 times. I came home to eviction notices on the door, or to dad having lost his job, so we are moving to Montana. I cried so hard I could hardly breathe when we moved that far away from my best friend. They told me to shut up and to stop making everything a negative experience.
My friends were everything to me. They treated me kindly, our times were fun and simple, a magical, shining place apart from my life, my misery. They all went away. Eventually I stopped making friends. I decided to myself, people were not worth the heartbreak. And so my PTSD swallowed me whole.
I waited for someone in my family to see. I hoped a beloved uncle would see the tears of my cheek, sense, somehow, the pain I was being subjected to. I hated them, that they didn’t see... how could they not see, if they loved me? I failed school, first due to belligerence, then due to depression. I did not bother to shower oftentimes. I sat with my head on the desk, listless, or in a corner in the lobby, unable even to face class. When I was in class I could not listen. I looked out the windows and dreamed, dreamed of a place I had dreamed of since my youngest years... home... Great mountains and trees, fresh air, freedom, joy. Where was I? I looked around me and it was foreign. School was another failure, another prison. I waited to escape every day, so I could read or climb trees, find some sort of peace away from crushing expectations and angsty people.
See, I was an “empath” as well, and I would absorb the emotions of other students. And when I went home I felt like a sponge full of soot, or a black cloud, and I would collapse on the floor of my bedroom without even bothering to remove my bag. I wondered how I was alive.
For I did not eat but for a few hundred calories. I had little appetite and I was anorexic also. I did not sleep but for literally 2-4 hours. I had nightmares at night, and a waking nightmare during the day. I was utterly alone. Never had I felt human, but I felt more alien than ever, in a most negative way. Something was innately wrong with me. I was unlovable. And I began to define myself this way. To punish myself mentally, when dad was not there to, as it goes. I still hear, “You would not have any friends if anyone really knew you,” in my head sometimes. And it feels all too true.
And the worst things I will never, ever remember, if I can help it... or maybe I will have to in order to heal. I do not know. I made a bid for freedom as soon as I was 18, but 3 days after, and meant to go to the forest if only to get away. It meant little to me whether I made it out there. Anywhere, anywhere else. And nature was the only place I felt safe. The only place that wanted me unquestionably. I was rubbish, a waste, a loss, and no one would miss me anyway.
Mom got me a place for a little while and then I got my own with S, who I was with due to his kindness alone. So traumatized was I that I fell for the first to speak to me with a gentle word, to offer a gentle touch. But we brought out the worst in each other. I became darker.... He mocked my homelands, did not believe in spirits or anything that meant so much to me. He was very cynical for all his niceness, and quick to shoot down any dreamy ideas of mine. It was unintentionally cruel and it made things a lot worse for me. But he looked after me. It was a bad relationship, basically. I was losing myself more and more.... Where had my easy laughter gone, that sunlight I could summon not matter what opposed me? Gone. What was this anger, this desire to watch the world burn? My dreams grew darker... no more adventures, no more beautiful lands, only memories of abuse, every damn night, and I told nobody, not even S, because I was so shamed.... How weak was I, 20-something years old, and here my past was haunting me? Why bother being away if it all... came to devour me.... I was failing my friends, I rarely visited my family, I was a crappy wife, I hardly worked... what was there left? My present was so dark mentally and emotionally, my past ink-black, and I could see no future. I wished to die.
I self-harmed mindlessly, not intending to die or to live but merely to harm myself. That’s the plain truth of it. I regret it of course. And I ended up in the ER, and then a behavioral place, where somehow I felt free from S. I decided never to go back. After those 8 days, meeting so many wounded, big-hearted people, making friends, I don’t know... it felt like a new lease on life. I stayed with friends from the behavioral place, and mom, and divorced S. I was attacked by the husband of a friend with a knife, he was looking for his gun, I had to call the police (he was arrested and they eventually broke up, apparently he’d been abusing her for awhile so thank the Gods). And a month later, I was raped, but two months out of the behavioral place.
I met C and we had a passionate relationship for a couple of months, and then the darkness took me once more. I woke from nightmares of rape, torture, abuse, in tears, and instant panic. I was hysterical all day from then on. I would be soaked, soaked in sweat and tears, flinching and reliving every abuse done to me since childhood days. I wept and begged no one to stop. I kicked to escape, though no one was there. I was tortured, tortured every damn day for months, until I pulled myself out of it through sheer force of will because I could not stand to put C through my insanity anymore.
Since then it has been like holding the heaviest weight of my life off of me. Whenever it starts sinking down, my thoughts swirl and become... oh, cruel, telling me my deepest fears, all who I will lose, all I am doing wrong.... A cold floods me, like a chilled poison, burning my insides and making me sick. Pain pulls my back and shoulders down, and I am on my knees, suffering more than I have a right to be. I cannot function like that! I cannot live broken. So I hold myself together through sheer force of will. I repent for every stupid, cursed thing I’ve ever done, and I try so hard to be perfect. I’m sorry, everyone I let down. I no longer let the pain take me, the madness take me. I’ve gotten so strong. And you know what has motivated me? To grow strong instead of give up?
My little brothers, who are like children to me. I must be there for them, and for Christmas and birthdays... my Fi, my cub who is curled around my heart completely, and C, my mate whose back I am determined to have, who I am determined to care for and make feel safe the way he did for me for so long. I no longer wish to be the weak one, the insane one, the lost cause, the friendless, the trash that needs to be thrown away.
I wish to be the best of companions, one whose spirit is dauntless, one who can find laughter and cheer in the world despite everything. I want to fight injustice. I want to protect the women, the children, the animals. I understand the pain here, and it is too much, too harsh. I want to intervene however I may. Any soul I can enliven, any spirit I can spark to remembering itself and its passions, is enough reason to live. And I want to visit all of the beautiful nature here. It is so different everywhere you go, the soil smells different and is a different color, the native plants vary, the trees... hundreds, thousands of little worlds and infinite priceless moments of beauty. I want to draw my homelands, and paint them, and I want to write stories with deep, humorous characters and epic adventure, mystical places... I... I don’t know how I still have so much will to live, but I do. Maybe there is a part of me that holds that pain, which would fantasize about death still if I left it, but that part is broken and unreal. It was made that way. I remember who I am, who I was since I was small. I am an Elf and I will do my best to bring my world here and to set as many of us free as I may
As I defeat my demons, I hope to help others fight theirs also. We need to remember who we are and what we love. And I am here to help, I hope. Each day I watch my words, my gestures, my choices and actions to ascertain they are in alignment with the greater good. Long ago I realized my reactions are unsound, and so I contain them and react as I should alternatively. It spares those around me. I internalize much, but I think I process it also, and that I am strengthening weak places. Gods, hurting those you care for even once is too much, and I will punish myself for Ever. But at least I can do my best now. I have been so flawed, so confused, so absorbed with my own experiences and memories.... Now I am awake, and I am here, and I am never going to give up.
0 notes