#is it bc I don’t think and I just wanna consume media that I feel bad for not being present

[mossflower]

yeah you need hobbies outside of media consumption or you’ll go insane. however if i spent an entire day reading books i would not go insane i would feel happy and fulfilled <3

[cosmic-m3ss]

I be like “I forgive myself, I’m healing” but like ok? What do I really do that’s horrible? I feel like I keep to myself so I don’t really do anything bad to anyone 🤷🏽‍♀️ maybe I just don’t do enough but i feel bad and still think I’m doing something bad or not helping at all….why

[kookslastbutton]

Guilty Pleasures ༓ jjk, kth (m) | chapter iv

✑ Summary: Three years of being Seoul's power couple earns you nothing but a big fat divorce settlement and your face plaster on every gossip column around town. You're angry, hurt, and desperately want to move on, but worst of all? You're still in love with the man who started the whole mess, even though the most he can ever see you as is a friend. The renowned actor you've hired to be your company's new endorser seems to have a soft spot for you though. He's easy on the eyes, you'll admit, but who actually wants a divorcee like yourself? It's unrealistic really.

pairing: ex-husband ceo!jungkook x ceo!reader, actor!taehyung x ceo!reader (not poly)

genre/AU: angst, smut, fluff, loverstoexesto ?, coworkers2?, unrequited love

Word count: 11.3k

Warnings: oc and jk are both 30, Taehyung is 32, swearing, tornado of emotions (you might laugh, you might cry, and you might just wanna punch something after this chapter), morally grey characters, mentions of toxic relationships, mentions of broken home/families, mentions of therapy, struggles of self-blame, regret, guilt, denial, self-deprecation in some aspect, etc., mentions of alcohol consumption, mentions of sexism in the media and business world

playlist: Unkiss Me, Apologize, Hate That I Love You, etc.

a/n: So, elephant in the room....how did this get past 11k when other chapters are significantly shorter? Well...I had ideas? I'm sorry!! 🫠 ANYWAY more angst in this chapter. Sorry not sorry for what you will consume here. I honestly love this chapter so much though! Okay, I won't say any more bc spoilers are cool but not in my fic! (hehe) Enjoy! 🥰

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Numb.

It’s the only word you can rummage up to describe the sudden shift in your demeanor. You’d think one’s typical response to their ex-husband’s drunken confession would be one of confusion, anger, hurt, or the like.

But you’ve gone stone cold instead, barely able to feel the steaming hot water that kisses your skin from within the tub. The room seems to have become a bit of a haze too, your vision blurring as you grip your cell phone in your hand.

The absurdity of it all—the man who handed you divorce papers now professing his love—feels like a cruel joke. The sheer impossibility of the situation is almost laughable, yet you can't even bring yourself to do that at this point. You've exhausted all of your emotional resources.

You’re unsure how many seconds pass before his voice calls your name again.

“__? Are you still there?” His voice is a muffled echo in your mind. It sounds so far away, though you know he’s right here on the other end of the line.

"Honestly Jungkook…I don’t know what you expect me to say.”  The words come out slow, measured, and almost emotionless.

There's a pause, and when he speaks again, his voice is hoarse, cracking under the weight of his confession. "I guess—I'm not sure either. But I just needed you to know. I needed to tell you everything."

“You're drunk. You realize that, right?"

“I had a few beers, yeah," he admits. "Maybe I'm a little tipsy. But it doesn’t change the fact that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you lately. I miss you, __, a lot."

The words hang in the air, and for a moment, you’re back in the past, back when those words would have meant the world to you. But now, they feel hollow, devoid of the warmth they once carried. And how can they not? You tethered yourself to your ex-husband for three years, learned his patterns, became acquainted with his needs, and danced with his indifference. In the end, the result is always the same, and this time is no different. By morning, he'll likely forget everything he's ever said to you and return to his normal habits.

You take a deep breath, your head resting on the cool porcelain tub, and close your eyes. "I can’t do this," you say quietly. "Not now."

"It's late. I understand-"

"No," you interrupt, voice firmer, "you don't understand, Jungkook. You don't understand me and you never have. I'm hanging up now."

"Please don't. I know I've hurt-"

"Stop. Do you know how patronizing that sounds to me? Please don't call this number again."

"But... I love you, __," his voice is barely a whisper. "Do you not love me anymore?"

"Goodbye, Jungkook." You end the call before another word can drop from his lips, or yours for that matter. It's time you accept that you are never more than an impulsive decision, a temporary solution, and an item on his agenda. Tonight's conversation solidifies that for you.

Despite being sleep-deprived the next morning, you refuse to let fatigue keep you from fulfilling your promise to visit Taehyung at the hospital. You've been anxious about him all night, tossing and turning without respite. The weight of your ex-husband's drunken confession added to your restlessness as well. Nevertheless, you push it out of your mind as you bound out the front door.

Upon arrival, you are greeted by an abundance of flowers, cards, and thoughtful gifts scattered around Taehyung’s hospital room. One bouquet on the windowsill catches your attention in particular—its familiar scent of lavender is instantly recognizable.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” a voice says from behind you. You turn to see Dr. Min entering the room, Taehyung’s chart in hand. He seems more lively than last night, his expression noticeably brighter with a faint smile on his lips.

“Yes, they’re lovely,” you reply. “I’m guessing these are from Taehyung’s fans and colleagues?”

He nods. “Indeed. Lavender is a calming scent. It’s no wonder people chose it for him.” The corners of his mouth lift slightly before he continues, “My girlfriend loves it too. She says it helps her relax after a long day.”

The comment is unexpected yet sweet. You notice the suppressed grin and the warmth in his eyes easily, signaling his deep affection for her. You wonder how it must feel to love someone so purely and without restraint. Before the thought lingers, your gaze shifts involuntarily to the man on the hospital bed, still asleep. Though the bandages are gone and his breathing is stable, your concern deepens as you take in his nearly still form.

“How’s he doing?” you ask, moving closer to his bed. Your heart tightens with each step as the cuts and burns on his face become more visible.

“He’s lucky,” Dr. Min says, walking to the opposite side of the bed, his tone growing serious. “He has multiple rib fractures, a mild concussion, and a few burns, but it could have been worse. Taehyung is stable now, and we’re monitoring his progress closely.”

“How long will it take for him to heal?”

“His face burns are only second-degree, so they should heal in a couple of weeks. The concussion should also resolve with ample rest and by avoiding strenuous activity—both physical and mental.”

“Which means he won’t be able to act for a while?” you ask, reading between the lines.

“Afraid not,” Dr. Min dismisses the idea. “Hopefully, his projects can accommodate his absence.”

“What about his rib fractures? I imagine those will require the most attention.” You feel like you might be asking too many questions, knowing Dr. Min will likely need to repeat everything to Taehyung later, but you can't hold back. After all, you made a promise to yourself last night that you'd ensure he'd be alright.

“Yes," Dr. Min answers carefully, "they could take up to three months to fully heal. We recommend applying ice for 20 minutes at a time, several times a day. As long as he remains stable over the next few days, he can be discharged to continue his recovery at home." He pauses, allowing you to process the information before continuing. "It's crucial that he rests. Even if he feels bursts of energy, he needs to let his body heal. Light activities like breathing exercises and short walks are fine, but he should avoid intense exercises until we give the all-clear.”

You nod thoughtfully, absorbing Dr. Min’s detailed prognosis. Taehyung’s condition sounds serious but manageable. After such a traumatic accident, it's clear he'll need months to heal. Getting him to adhere to the doctor's orders will be challenging, given his profession and active social calendar. However, if you need to be the one to remind him, you will.

“I’ll make sure he follows your recommendations,” you assure Dr. Min, your voice tinged with concern.

“I have no doubt,” Dr. Min replies with a reassuring smile. “You know, you're the first person who’s shown up for him both last night and today. Aside from that young man who came in briefly. Namjoon, right?”

“Yeah,” you respond slowly, the revelation catching you off guard. “He works as my secretary but he's also a good friend of Taehyung's. His family really hasn’t come in yet?” You circle back to Dr. Min's first point with a sense of urgency.

You wouldn't normally be this insistent on the matter; however, past conversations with Taehyung have revealed how much he cherishes his family, often sharing stories about their reunions with warmth and enthusiasm. With such a loving family, you’re taken aback that they haven’t shown up yet. Then again, his accident was sudden, and there could be various reasons for their delay. Do they even know about his accident, for that matter?

“They called, of course, but you’re the first to actually come in,” Dr. Min clarifies, his gaze thoughtful as he responds to your concern. "You must be quite an attentive boss to show this level of care for your colleague."

There's an underlying suggestiveness laced in his tone, but you're quick to brush it off, redirecting the focus to Taehyung’s condition. “It’s the least I can do, given what he’s going through,” you say, trying to sound matter-of-fact. “He’s a valuable member of our team, and I want to make sure he gets back on his feet as soon as possible.”

Dr. Min's eyes twinkle, as if holding back further commentary. “Even from a professional standpoint, not everyone would go to such lengths for a coworker. He’s fortunate to have you.”

You feel a slight flush as his subtle implications continue. “Well, I just…care about his well-being. Besides,” you glance back at Taehyung, your expression softening more than you intend, “I know he'd do the same for me.”

For a few short breaths, Dr. Min remains silent as your attention remains fixed on your colleague. “I need to check on a few other patients so I’ll leave you two alone for now," he finally says, breaking the silence. “I'll be back to check in on him again later, but if you have any questions or need anything in the meantime, the nurse is nearby."

With a nod and a soft "thank you," you watch Dr. Min exit the room, leaving you alone with Taehyung once more. After settling into a chair beside his bed, you silently observe the steady rise and fall of his chest. The rhythmic sound of his breathing is a small comfort amidst his vulnerable state. Despite everything, you're glad he's going to be okay.

As each minute passes, nurses come and go, and the hum of activity outside the room gradually fades into a background murmur. You had only planned to stay for an hour this morning, but time seems to slip away as the clock now nears 1 p.m. You had hoped Taehyung would be awake by now, but he remains still.

After a brief sigh, the thought occurs to you that you don't have to spend so many hours here, waiting for Taehyung to wake up. It's the weekend, and there are plenty of other things you could be doing instead. Dr. Min could easily call you the moment Taehyung wakes up. But something in your conscience urges you not to leave. Just give it another hour, you think. If he isn’t awake by then, you can come back tomorrow.

Suddenly, a slight movement catches your eye. Taehyung's fingers twitch, and his eyelids flutter. You nearly missed it with how lost you were in your thoughts.

Leaning forward with nervous relief, you softly call his name. It takes him a few seconds, but slowly, his eyes blink open. He turns his head slightly, gaze eventually finding yours, and you feel momentarily transfixed. It's unlike you to respond this way, but you had forgotten how piercing and comforting his eyes could be. A genuine smile immediately spreads across his face once your eyes meet, though not as boxy as usual due to his condition. Nevertheless, it's encouraging to see him awake and responsive.

“Hi," his voice is strained but recognizable. "It's...nice to see you."

“The feeling's mutual,” you respond gently. “How are you feeling?”

He shifts slightly, wincing a bit. “Like I got hit by a truck,” he mutters. “I’m sore all over.”

“You had a close call, but you’re in good hands now. Your doctor, Dr. Min, says you'll be okay, as long as you take it easy for a while. He was here earlier this morning, but he'll check in with you again soon.”

"You..." He hesitates, surprise flickering in his eyes. "You've been here since morning? What time is it now?"

"Oh, uh, it's around 1 in the afternoon," you say, gradually realizing the weight of your words. You consider whether or not to tell him the full extent of your stay. “I got here a few hours ago. Don’t worry.”

Taehyung nods slightly, a mix of gratitude and concern evident in his expression. “Thank you for being here,” he murmurs. “I wasn't sure if I'd be alone.”

A sinking feeling settles in your chest at his words, your throat tightening. Before you can ask what he means, he continues, “I must have taken a lot of your weekend from you.” His tone is apologetic, and your heart aches. Here he is, lying on a hospital bed, in pain and vulnerable, and he’s worried about inconveniencing you.

“I'm glad to be here,” you reassure gently. “I promise, you’re not alone. A lot of people care about you.”

Taehyung glances around, taking in the gifts and flowers scattered throughout the room. “From my fans, I’m guessing?” he asks, attempting to keep his tone light.

“And your colleagues too,” you reply. “We all want to see you get better." Taehyung returns his gaze to you, a faint smile lingering on his lips. Neither of you says anything, which unsettles you.

“Did you sleep okay?” you ask, the question coming out more hurriedly than intended.

“I drifted in and out for most of the night. It’s hard to get comfortable,” he admits, "I think I could still hear a lot around me. It felt like someone was holding my hand for a few minutes too, but I’m not sure how much of it was real or just dreams, though.”

Oh shit. You weren't expecting that answer.

The possibility that Taehyung might have heard you talking to him last night shouldn't be that embarrassing, yet your mind races with thoughts of what he might have heard or understood in his semi-conscious state. Not only did you share more than you probably should have, but you also touched his hand to feel his pulse, and he felt it.

“Well, um, I'm sorry to hear you had a rough night. You should rest more,” you suggest, trying to compose yourself. "I should get going anyway and let you sleep.” You begin standing from your seat but don't get far before the gentlest of touches brush against your wrist. When you look at Taehyung, he quickly retracts his fingers, concerned he overstepped.

"Shit, I'm sorry, __. I didn't mean to grab at you like that," he says softly. "It's just...would you mind staying with me a little longer, please? I'd really appreciate the company."

You can hear the yearning in his request. It's clear that he doesn't want to be alone, and you don't blame him, especially after the accident he's endured. Settling back into the chair, you agree to stay a bit longer, perhaps another half hour, before heading home; you realize you haven't eaten lunch yet.

"So, how are you doing?" he asks. "We haven't talked in bit."

His question triggers a flood of thoughts, the most recent interaction with your ex-husband being one of them. Up until now, you've managed to push his drunken call out of your mind, preferring to focus on Taehyung instead. However, Jungkook's unexpected confession still throws you for a loop. It's not that you're riddled with the need for clarity on its validity, especially since you don't believe him anyway. How could he claim to love you when he also admits he doesn't understand his own feelings? On top of that, being drunk while doing so—it doesn't make sense.

No, the real question now is what happens next. How do you proceed? Will he try to reach out again? The way he asked if you still loved him before you ended the call weighs on your mind even now.

You know you'll need to discuss this with Melody during your next therapy session.

Before you spiral further, you decide to steer the conversation away from personal matters and opt for a safer topic.

"The company is doing well," you reply with a smile. "The new campaigns we've put out recently have been pretty successful. Although," you add, a hint of curiosity in your tone, "the team has missed your frequent drop-ins, especially Namjoon." If you're honest with yourself, you've missed them too.

"How is he? Namjoon?"

"He's okay, but he's been concerned for you," you answer carefully. "When we heard the news, we came to see you together, but he was quite affected. He promised to visit once you woke up."

"So," Taehyung takes a moment to process. "That was this morning, right?"

"No, actually, it was yesterday."

There's a brief, awkward silence as you sense Taehyung might be thinking the same thing you are—about your presence last night. Surprisingly, he doesn't bring it up. Instead, he eyes you curiously, biting down on his lip slightly.

"I meant to stop by last week," he admits. "But we were wrapping up the final scenes of my film shoots. The producers were eager to finish them. I'm just thankful we got them done. I wanted to spend a day riding my bike along a scenic route until... well, until all of this happened. I don't remember much, but I'm just grateful Tan wasn't with me."

"Tan?" you ask, curious now.

"Yeontan, my pomeranian," Taehyung explains with a soft smile. "He means the world to me. My parents take care of him when I'm busy with filming. I was actually planning to drive up and visit them this weekend. And, of course, bring Tan back home with me. They live pretty far from here, so it's better that I go up to them if I can."

Well, that answers the question about his parents not being here yet, you think to yourself.

As Taehyung speaks, you can see a flicker of fondness and relief in his eyes when he mentions his dog. It must have been months since he last saw him.

"I bet you miss him a lot," you comment softly, "Tan."

"I do," he admits with a slight smile, "but I know he's being well taken care of. Hopefully, I can see him soon. And my parents too."

"I understand that feeling," you reply, nodding thoughtfully. "Pets have a way of becoming family, don't they? I had a cat named Evie when I was growing up. She was a feisty little thing with green eyes, always getting into mischief. We got her from the streets and she was so slim, but it didn't take her long to beef up with all the treats we gave her. Whenever I was feeling down, she would curl up next to me, as if she knew. It's funny how they have that kind of intuition, isn't it?"

Taehyung listens intently, a small smile playing on his lips. You feel a slight flush of embarrassment at your tangent. It's one of the few times you've shared something personal about yourself that wasn't work-related. Feeling like you might have overshared, you decide to stop, assuming Taehyung isn't interested in knowing that much.

You chuckle inwardly at yourself.

Jungkook was your husband for three years, and he never seemed to care about such personal details.

I—" you start, intending to apologize, but Taehyung interrupts.

"Did you have any other pets?" he asks, curiosity piqued.

You chuckle softly, reminiscing. "Yeah, we had... uh, god, you don't want to know how many pets we had."

"Try me," his eyes become playful, yet there's a seriousness behind them, like he really wants to know. It's unfamiliar.

"Alright," you chuckle, "aside from Evie, there were three other cats. Calvin and Misha were the adventurous ones, always climbing trees, while Pip was the cuddly lap cat. Then there were two dogs: Toby, our sneaky Chihuahua, and Bella, a terrier who growled at everyone. Oh, and we had three rabbits too. Cute, but also feisty."

Taehyung laughs, "I sense a theme going on."

"What theme?"

"Well," he grins, "It seems like your household was filled with some strong main characters."

You chuckle at his joke. "Yeah, our house was never quiet, that's for sure. Each one had their own personality and quirks."

"You don't have any now though? Pets, I mean," Taehyung asks.

"Sadly, I don't," you reply with a hint of regret. "The company takes up a lot of my time, and I don't think it would be right to leave a pet alone for extended periods. I might consider getting another cat, but right now, focusing on running the company leaves me with little spare time. I miss having them around though."

Taehyung mulls over your word carefully. “If I ever get out of this hospital...maybe I—”

Before he has the chance to finish, the hospital room door opens, and Dr. Min enters, his expression serious yet composed. His eyes widen slightly in surprise, not expecting to see you still here and Taehyung awake. “I’m sorry to interrupt,” he begins, glancing between you and his patient. “It’s good to see you up and looking a bit better."

Dr. Min approaches Taehyung's side, opposite to you. “How are you feeling?” he asks.

Taehyung's demeanor shifts instantly, his playful expression fading as he turns to answer. “Pretty sore, honestly,” he replies.

Dr. Min nods. “Let’s run a few checks to see how you’re doing.”

Sensing this is your cue to leave, you rise from your chair and reach out to touch Taehyung's hand. But you stop yourself short. Something about performing the physical action while he’s fully conscious instills a flutter of nerves within you. Instead, you gently tap his shoulder, causing him to meet your eyes. “I think I'll be going now, but it was nice talking to you,” you say softly. "Was there something you wanted to say earlier, though?"

He pauses for a moment before replying, his expression reminiscent of the time a few weeks ago when you declined his dinner invitation. You still don’t understand why he seemed somewhat disappointed; it's not like it was a date. He had made it clear he wanted to go out as colleagues. The only reason you declined was because you didn’t want him feeling pity for you, or the struggles that came with the divorce.

"It's okay, we'll have to save that conversation for another time," Taehyung's voice brings you back to the present. "Enjoy the rest of your day, __. Thanks again for staying with me."

"Of course," you reply, then turn to Dr. Min. "If you wouldn't mind letting me know when and if he can be discharged, I'd appreciate it. And Kim Namjoon too, since we're both nearby." Dr. Min nods in agreement. With that, you sling your bag over your shoulder and exit the room.

“He said what?!” Your best friend Jimin almost shouts through the video call, eyes wide with disbelief. You’ve just finished recounting your ex-husband's unexpected, drunken confession from the previous night. Jimin, who already holds a deep-seated grudge against Jungkook, looks livid.

“He had the nerve to say that to you? While he was drunk?” Jimin continues, his hands clenching into fists.

You nod, feeling a mixture of frustration and exhaustion. “Yeah, I told him not to call my number again and he hasn't contacted me since.” As expected, he likely forgot all about it.

“Good,” Jimin declares with a fierce protectiveness, his tone leaving no room for doubt. “You don’t need that kind of drama in your life, especially not from him. And if he even thinks about calling you again, just say the word, and I'll come down there and handle it personally.” He emphasizes 'personally' with such intensity that it makes you giggle for the first time tonight.

“Thanks, Jimin,” you say, a warm feeling spreading through you at his unwavering support. “I’m just trying to move on, focus on work, and other things.”

Jimin’s expression softens, and he nods firmly. “You're incredibly strong, __. Are you really okay though? It was a huge blow for him to make a confession like that and even though I dislike him, I know you still have some lingering feelings for him. I'm not a fool to believe you're unaffected.”

You take a deep breath, appreciating your best friend's perceptiveness. “It’s complicated. I’m trying so hard to move past everything, especially with Melody's help, and then he just…throws that at me. It’s like he’s trying to pull me back into his mess.”

Jimin’s eyes are filled with concern. “You don’t owe him anything. Remember that. He made his choices, and you have every right to move on without his baggage.”

“I know,” you sigh, rubbing your temples. “It’s just…easier said than done. But I’m working on it.”

“You’re doing great,” Jimin reassures, his voice gentle. “And you have every right to focus on yourself now. Don’t let him mess with your head.”

You nod, feeling a bit lighter with the support. “Thanks, I needed to hear that.”

“I'm always here for you love,” he says, his protective demeanor softening into a warm smile. “Now, enough about that idiot. How’s everything else? Work? Taehyung? Everyone at the office is talking about his unfortunate accident, poor sucker.”

At the mention of your colleague, you feel a sudden heat rise to your cheeks. Did the heaters in your apartment just turn up or something?

“He’s slowly recovering," you answer. "I saw him this morning and we talked for a bit. He’s... he’s been through a lot.”

Jimin raises an eyebrow, “You saw him yesterday too, right? And if my memory serves, you were at the hospital with him until the afternoon. I remember I texted you to see if you were free to call earlier than planned. Something you'd like to tell me?” A teasing grin suddenly spreads across his face, and you shake your head, knowing exactly what he's insinuating. It's like talking to Dr. Min all over again.

“Seriously, Chim, no, it's not like that," you deny instantly, heart racing a little. "He's been my company endorser for a little over six months now, and he’s been nothing but kind to me. With everything he’s been through, I just want to make sure he'll be okay. I feel somewhat responsible for him. Maybe I'm crazy.”

“Responsibility, huh?” Jimin smirks, unconvinced of your denial. “Sure. Because ‘responsibility’ usually makes people blush.”

You wave off his suspicions, a nervous chuckle escaping you. “I’m not, so if you wouldn't mind ceasing your teasing, that'd be great."

“Okay, okay,” Jimin chuckles, raising his hands in mock surrender. “But if you ask me, it sounds like more than just responsibility. Taehyung seems like a sweet guy, and you care about him. And I sense he feels the same way about you. Don't think I forgot about his little dinner request weeks back.”

You chuckle, brushing off his suspicions. “Oh, come on, enough. Believing that Kim Taehyung has any kind of interest in me is like believing that Jungkook loves me. It’s unfathomable. Taehyung's a colleague, that’s all.”

“Okay, excuse me? Unfathomable?” he scoffs, shaking his head. “Someone help! My best friend is selling themselves short, again. __, you’re amazing, and anyone, including Taehyung, would be lucky to have you. That ex-husband of yours was an idiot, but just because he couldn't see what he had doesn’t mean others can’t.”

You roll your eyes playfully, but Jimin’s words hit a soft spot. “Chim, you're sweet, but I'm just saying that Taehyung is on a completely different level. I’m just me... a 30-year-old divorcee with a half-decent startup.” Those alone are enough to have any man steer clear of you.

“Stop this, __. You're much more than that, and it's pretty damn incredible,” Jimin insists, his voice firm. “You’ve been through so much, and you’re still standing. That’s not something to brush off. Taehyung sees that. Anyone with half a brain can see that.”

You sigh, feeling a mixture of gratitude and skepticism. “I appreciate it, Chim. But let’s just drop it, please?”

“Alright, I won't push it," he concedes gently, "just know I’m here whenever you need.”

“Thanks, Jimin,” you reply, feeling a warmth in your heart. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Probably explode from all that bottled-up stress,” he jokes, making you laugh again. “But seriously, you’re doing great. Just keep taking it one step at a time, and call me if you need anything!”

As the call ends, you’re left with a lot to think about. Jimin’s words echo in your mind, and for a brief second, you find yourself wondering if maybe your best friend is right—that perhaps you do care about your colleague more than you’re willing to admit.

Well, either way, it doesn't matter; you've got enough on your plate as it is.

Starting with the stack of papers laid out on the coffee table, work you brought home that's awaiting your attention. It's a critical deal for your startup, one that could secure much-needed funding and propel your business to the next level.

Sighing softly, you reach for your laptop and open the latest project proposal.

You start your Sunday as you always do, with a book in hand, heading to your favorite café. It’s a ritual that’s been with you since your teenage years, and today, you feel a desperate need for its familiar comfort. After wrapping up the project proposal late into the night, your brain craved a break.

Entering the quaint café, you’re greeted by the comforting aroma of freshly brewed coffee and the soft murmur of conversation. Finding a cozy spot by the large window, you settle in for a day of reading, occasionally looking up to observe people passing by outside.

Hours slip away unnoticed in the serene atmosphere, lost in the pages of your book. Somewhere along the way, mid-sentence, your thoughts subconsciously drift to a conversation with Taehyung weeks before his accident—the day of your six-month anniversary.

You remember how he mentioned his interest in books that day, leaving you curious about what he enjoys reading. You imagine he might be into classic authors like Charles Dickens or Oscar Wilde. Then again, you might be mistaken.

Refocusing on your book, you manage to read another paragraph before thoughts of Taehyung intrude again. Did he have any company today? You quietly hope Namjoon paid him a visit. "Okay, __, calm down," you tell yourself, "Taehyung will be fine, and Namjoon definitely would have visited him now that he's awake." With a determined effort, you return to your book.

It isn't until the sun begins its descent that you decide it's time to pack up your things and head home. Passing by the hospital on your way, a sense of restlessness tugs at you once more. Should you stop and see Taehyung, even if only for a few minutes? The thought lingers, but then you recall Dr. Min's pending update on his discharge status. Maybe it's best to wait for his confirmation.

You continue driving, but the concern refuses to leave your mind. Eventually, you make a decisive turn, heading back towards the hospital. It wouldn't be as lengthy as last time—just a quick visit to check on how he's doing.

When you arrive at the hospital, you hesitate for a moment outside the entrance. It's Sunday evening, and visiting hours are likely limited. You check your phone quickly to see if Dr. Min has sent any updates, but there's nothing new.

Taking a deep breath, you decide to go in anyway.

Taehyung is awake when the nurse leads you to his room, casually flipping through a magazine. He looks up, his expression softening into a smile upon seeing you.

"Hey," you say softly, stepping inside. "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop by. I hope it's okay."

"It's more than okay," he replies warmly, setting the magazine aside. "I'm happy to see you."

You nod, feeling relieved that he isn't disturbed by your presence.

"Though, in all honesty," he continues, "I didn't expect you back today."

"I just wanted to check on you and make sure you're okay," you admit quietly, taking a seat nearby. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm better, just a bit sore still," he says sincerely, his gaze meeting yours. "What about you? How's your Sunday been?"

"Quiet," you respond with a small smile. "Spent most of it reading at a café, and then decided to stop by here."

"Really?" His interest piqued, he asks, "Which one? Sometimes I do the same thing when I have some free time. Or, I'll read at the beach too. It's relaxing."

"Well, have you tried the one on Willow Street? I've been a regular there since I was 16."

"No... I'm not familiar with that one," he admits, "I usually go to the one on 5th."

"5th? You know, I don't recall a café on 5th, unless..." you pause, realization dawning, "oh no," you blurt out unintentionally.

"What?" Taehyung's eyes twinkle with amusement at your spontaneous reaction. "Have you been?"

You hesitate to answer, not wanting to risk offending him.

"Yes..."

"And?" Crap, you were hoping he wouldn't ask for details.

"Um... it's okay," you reply simply.

"What? Just okay?" Taehyung exclaims, feigning offense. "Their coffee and tea are decent, and they have those comfy armchairs by the window."

"I know, but there's just something about it," you reply with a playful shrug. "Maybe it's the lighting, or maybe I'm just picky."

"Fair enough," he chuckles. "Maybe I'll check out this Willow Street café sometime. You've been going there for years, so it must be good."

"Well, I highly recommend it." You can't help but feel a bit smug, though you try to keep a straight face. It's just nice to have someone take your suggestion seriously. "You'll have to tell me your review of the place if you go."

Taehyung nods thoughtfully in reply, his gaze lingering on you with a hint of admiration. You look away, pretending to straighten your jacket. Why is he staring like that? You're not used to being looked at without some sense of hostility.

Just as you begin to feel a bit awkward, the door swings open, and a nurse peeks inside.

"Sorry to interrupt," she says kindly, "but visiting hours are over for the evening."

You glance at your watch, surprised at how quickly time has flown. "Oh, okay," you reply, a touch disappointed. "I'll be heading out then, thank you."

Once the nurse leaves, you direct your focus back to Taehyung. He smiles understandingly, sitting up a bit straighter. "Thanks for stopping by," he says warmly.

"Yeah, of course," you reply, gathering your things. "Did Dr. Min mention having you discharged any time soon?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing yet. Might be here for a couple more days."

You nod, feeling sympathy for his extended stay. "Well, take care of yourself, okay? Let me know if you need anything."

"I will," Taehyung assures you with a grateful smile. He watches as you make your way to the door, but just before you can twist the metal knob, he speaks up agian. "Uhm...if you have time tomorrow, I wouldn't mind if you came in again. It was nice to...chat."

For the first time, Taehyung seems to stumble over his words. As someone who's naturally charismatic, not to mention a skilled actor, there's a hint of nervousness in his voice.

When you turn your head to glance back at him, his smile has faded, replaced by a hopeful look, hands gently clutching the blankets.

"Sure," you agree to his innocent request, somehow unable to resist. "I'll try to stop in tomorrow if I can."

His boxy smile returns instantly as he bids you one final goodnight.

As you walk out of the room, that same smile lingers in your mind—you're glad you decided to come by.

In the days that follow, you find yourself at Taehyung's hospital bed every evening after work. Initially fulfilling his wishes, you gradually realize you've grown fond of his company. Taehyung turns out to be easy to talk to, a good listener who encourages questions you wouldn't normally ask within office walls. Here you are again, immersed in yet another spontaneous conversation that neither of you minds.

"So, what's it really like?" you inquire, curiosity lacing your voice. "Being an actor? And what about kissing strangers? I've heard some co-stars end up together after playing an onscreen couple for so long."

Taehyung chuckles softly, his eyes crinkling with amusement. "Being an actor is both exhilarating and challenging," he begins, reflecting on his experiences. "Kissing scenes... well, they're not as glamorous as they seem on screen. There are a lot of technical aspects to consider, like camera angles and timing. As for getting involved with co-stars outside of filming, I wouldn't be familiar with that. I prefer to keep those lines pretty separate."

You listen intently, fascinated by his insights into a world so different from your own. But one thing sticks out to you—how does he handle kissing scenes if he were to be in a relationship? Wouldn't that get complicated?

"I often wonder what I'd do if I had a partner," Taehyung muses suddenly, his voice thoughtful, as if sensing your unspoken question. "About the kiss scenes, I mean. I haven't actually dated for a while." Really? You think, he cant be serious...

"I'd imagine they'd be understanding since it's part of the job," you offer, trying to match his contemplative tone.

"Is that how you'd respond?" Taehyung's question catches you off guard.

"Me?" you ask, feeling slightly dumbfounded.

"Yeah, I'm just curious. Would you be okay with that?"

"Uhm... well, honestly, probably not," you admit, feeling a bit awkward. "I think I'd have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I'd kind of feel like I was sharing my partner. I don't want to share like that."

Shut up, shut up, shut up, you mentally chastise yourself. You definitely said too much.

To your surprise, Taehyung merely gives a small smile in response. "I think I'd feel the same," he says softly.

The subject ends there, as the conversation soon shifts to his latest project instead—a romantic comedy series titled with a playful nod to a four-leaf clover.

"You know, I've never seen a four-leaf clover in my life," you admit with a slight chuckle.

Taehyung laughs softly, his eyes brightening. "Really? They're supposed to bring good luck, you know."

"Good luck, huh? I guess I've never had the pleasure," you replied with a grin.

"Well, then it's settled," he declared with a playful glint in his eyes. "I'll find one for you once I'm out of here," he promises warmly.

You smile, exchanging a silent moment before hitting him with your next question. "Do you watch your own shows or movies?" you ask, genuinely curious.

Taehyung's expression shifts subtly, his gaze momentarily distant. "Honestly, I don't," he admits, his tone tinged with a hint of embarrassment. "I guess I've always felt a bit awkward seeing myself on screen. It's strange, right?"

You reassure him with a smile. "It's not so far-fetched, but I don't think there's anything to be embarrassed about. You're talented, Taehyung. I'm sure your performances are amazing."

Taehyung nods thoughtfully but then quirks an eyebrow at you. "But have you actually seen any of my work? It's a little cheesy."

You hesitate, feeling a touch sheepish. "Honestly, no," you confess. "I've never watched any of your shows or movies. But I will!"

A flicker of déjà vu crosses Taehyung's face, his expression turning thoughtful. "That's funny," he murmurs. "I feel like I've heard those exact words before, recently."

You chuckle nervously, trying to lighten the mood. He can't be referring to that night you spoke to him while he was asleep, right? "Maybe it's just a sign that I need to catch up on all the great acting I've been missing out on," you quip, hoping to diffuse any awkwardness.

Taehyung grins, his playful demeanor returning. "Well, I'll hold you to that. You'll have to give me your honest review."

"Deal," you agree with a nod. "So, as much as I hate to cut this short, I think I'm going to have to get going now."

"I understand, it's past 6:30 pm. See you tomorrow?"

"Sure thing," you reply warmly. "Get some rest."

By Thursday afternoon, you finally receive the long-awaited call from Dr. Min, informing you that Taehyung will be discharged the next morning. You're relieved that Taehyung is healthy enough to continue his recovery at home. Seeing him yesterday, he looked the best he's been since his accident. However, a small part of you feels annoyed that Dr. Min didn't call you—he called Namjoon instead.

It was an ordinary afternoon when your secretary's phone rang. Namjoon was crouched over at his desk, concentrating on a number of spreadsheets just moments before. You remember leaping over to him as soon as you heard the words, "he's ready for discharge tomorrow," leave his lips.

It's now Friday morning, and you're standing in front of your secretary's desk.

"So, you're off to pick up Taehyung now?" you ask, as casually as you can. You do your best to ignore the lingering irritation growing inside you.

"Yeah," your secretary finally replies, glancing up from his screen. "I'll drive over to the hospital in about half an hour."

"Okay." You nod, biting your tongue. So what if Namjoon gets to pick him up instead of you? It's fine, you should get over it.

It's just a little odd that Dr. Min chose to call Namjoon instead of you though. You know for a fact you've been much more involved with Taehyung's well-being than he has.

Of course, Taehyung and Namjoon are good friends, but your secretary has only gone to see him twice over the past week his buddy's been in the hospital. You've been there every day, so wouldn't it make sense that you be called first?

Evidently not.

Namjoon will be taking Taehyung home, and you likely won't be seeing him at all today. In fact, you're not even sure when you'll see him next. Technically, you have his address stored away in an HR file, but you're no creep. And you most certainly are not about to show up at his place unannounced.

It's not like Taehyung has texted you today either. Not even a quick update on his condition.

"Um..." Namjoon starts, shifting awkwardly in his chair. "Is there something else you wanted to say? I feel like you're kinda hovering over me now, to be quite honest."

"Oh, sorry," you respond, stepping back a bit. You didn't realize you were staring at him, wordless, for longer than normal. "Nothing else. Drive safe."

As if seeing right through you, Namjoon's expression softens. "If you want to see how Taehyung is, you can just text him. I'm sure he'll respond to you."

"No, it's okay," you quickly dismiss the suggestion. You don't want to bombard a man who's just getting out of the hospital with your texts. You'll leave him alone to rest.

Namjoon gives you a knowing look, eyeing your slightly hesitant state. "I'm serious, boss. Text him. You've been at his side this entire week, so if there's anyone who'd be more deserving of knowing what's up, it’d be you."

Deserving? That's a bit far, is it not? Yes, you've been visiting him, but it's not like you saved his life or anything. It's not that big of a deal. You just wanted to...make sure he was okay.

"I—When did you decide to call me boss again?" you switch subjects, but Namjoon remains unaffected.

"Text him," Namjoon says for the final time before reaching for his keys in his desk drawer. "I gotta get going, but I'll be back after I drop Tae off."

"Tae?" You haven't heard him called that before.

"Yeah, it's kinda a pet name. Sorry, I started calling him that once we became friends, so it slips out here and there. It's like second nature now."

"Got it," you nod, a bit disappointed. Maybe you weren't as close to Taehyung as you thought. "Make sure he gets home okay," you finish.

"I will." Namjoon gets up from his desk and heads out of the office. You turn around and return to your own office once he's out of sight.

While Namjoon is out, his phone rings incessantly. You find yourself getting up from your desk multiple times to take calls. By the afternoon, you're exhausted from the constant interruptions.

Maybe you should consider giving the poor man a raise.

Before the thought fully develops, his phone rings again. You don't even bother checking the caller ID anymore; you simply pick up the phone and answer in your sweetest voice.

"__? I thought I’d be hearing Namjoon first... hey," his voice is hesitant. "I hope I’m not interrupting anything."

"Jungkook," you reply cautiously, instantly recognizing his voice. "Why are you calling my work phone?"

"I... I didn't know how else to reach you. Can I come in or can you come into the parking lot? I have something to give you."

You pause, feeling a rush of unease. You haven’t spoken to Jungkook since last Friday when he called you out of the blue. Honestly, you hoped you wouldn’t hear from him, especially after telling him not to call again. It's strange that he keeps finding ways to show up unexpectedly.

"What is it you need to give me, Jungkook?" you ask bluntly, "I'm very busy."

There’s a brief silence on the other end before he answers, "It’s... It’s something personal. I’d rather not discuss it over the phone. Please, can you just come down for a moment?"

You weigh your options, torn between curiosity and apprehension. His unpredictability lately has left you unsure of what to expect. "Jungkook, I really don’t think—"

"Please," he interrupts, his voice sounding more urgent. "I promise it won’t take long."

Taking a deep breath, you decide to handle this with as much grace as you can muster. "Fine. I’ll be down in a minute."

You end the call and sit back, trying to steady your thoughts. His sudden request feels odd, and part of you worries about what he might say or do next. As you make your way to the parking lot, you mentally prepare yourself for another potentially difficult encounter.

When you arrive, Jungkook stands near his car, nervously shifting his weight from one foot to the other. His usual confident demeanor seems replaced by a sense of unease.

"Hey," he starts, his voice tentative, "thanks for agreeing to meet."

You give a brief nod, keeping your tone neutral. "Yeah, sure. What's up?"

Jungkook shifts awkwardly, his gaze dropping momentarily before meeting yours. "I wanted to apologize," he continues, his voice tinged with regret. "I'm sorry for calling you up drunk."

You feel a flicker of irritation. This is what he wanted to give you? An apology that's seven days late? You figured he would have just forgone the apology by now.

"Why now?" you ask, crossing your arms over your chest, a defense mechanism you've developed. "It's been a week. I’m not sure if you realize that or not though."

"I know," he says quickly, his eyes earnest. "I wanted to come sooner, but I wasn't sure if you'd want to see me or just never hear from me again."

You scoff slightly, "Well, for the first time, you are completely right. I don't want to see you, Jungkook." You try to keep your voice steady, but the raw edges of your emotions bleed through. There’s no point sugarcoating it at this stage; he’ll just keep pushing your boundaries if you don’t become firm with him.

He winces at your words, nodding slowly. "You have every right to feel that way. I messed up, big time. I just wanted you to know that I'm truly sorry. You deserve someone who isn't as screwed up as I am. But I still mean everything I said that night. I do love you. It took me until now to realize that, apparently."

You sigh, the weight of his words pressing down on you. Love? Now? After everything? Somehow, it feels more like a burden than anything.

"Jungkook, love isn't a get-out-of-jail-free card," you say slowly, your voice somewhat shaky. "It's not something you can just throw out there to fix things. Not only did you divorce me, but you also led me to believe we could actually be something. All those weeks of you being attentive and showing up for me after I shared my feelings made me believe that you were honestly trying to make our marriage work, that you were committed. You lied to me, discarded me, and now that I'm not around, you suddenly miss me? No, I'm sorry. You broke my trust, and that's not something you can just apologize away."

You pause, feeling the weight of your words settle in the tense air between you and Jungkook.

He looks down, nodding again. "I get it. I really do. And I don't expect you to forgive me or anything. I just wanted you to know that I understand how much I hurt you, and I'm sorry. I understand if you hate me."

You take a moment to collect your thoughts, trying to keep your voice steady despite the emotions threatening to stir inside. "Jungkook," you begin carefully, meeting his eyes. "What happened between us was painful. You calling me drunk last week was also painful. I'm sorry about the challenges you had with your parents, but it's no excuse to put that on others. If you need someone to discuss personal matters with, I suggest you see a professional."

You pause, taking a deep breath before continuing.

"I don't hate you, okay? I'm not that cold-hearted. There's still part of me that I think might always hold space for you, but I can't just forget everything. I need to move on, and that means you can't keep calling me at random times. It’s not fair to either of us. I appreciate the apology, but I don't think we can go much further."

He nods solemnly, understanding your stance. "Okay," Jungkook replies softly, his voice filled with a sadness you hadn’t expected. "I understand. I'll respect your wishes and leave you alone. Take care of yourself, okay? I...I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me," he says, his eyes earnest. "And... I'm really sorry for everything."

He begins to back away toward his car, and as he does, it hits you—it’s over.

"Take care, Jungkook," you say gently. "Don't overwork yourself, alright? Stay healthy."

He looks at you, forcing a smile. "You know I can't do that. It isn't in my blood." He sings the last part, referencing a song you both used to joke about, and you let out a small chuckle despite yourself.

"God, Jeon, I thought you'd stop with that song by now." you say, shaking your head.

"Nah," he replies, shaking his head with a faint grin as he opens his car door. "I'm taking it to my grave. I'll see you later, __."

You know the last part is a lie, an empty promise to soften the blow. Still, you respond, "Yeah, see you."

With that, you part ways in the parking lot, each going your separate ways. As you walk back to your office, the weight of the finality settles in. It's all over, you think, feeling the sting of a single tear trailing down your cheek. Unbeknownst to you, a similar tear streams down Jungkook's face as he drives away, each tear falling for completely different reasons.

Two weeks pass, and Jungkook keeps his word. He hasn’t called, texted, or shown up at your work. It’s as if he’s become a stranger, someone you once knew but is now part of a distant past.

Your days begin to regain a sense of normalcy. The emotional weight of the past few months slowly starts to lift, allowing you to refocus on your work and personal well-being. The company demands your attention, and you dive into projects, meetings, and strategies with a renewed energy.

Yet, despite the return to routine, there's a persistent sense of something missing. You haven’t talked to Taehyung at all since he got discharged from the hospital. You haven’t seen him either, and the silence pulls at you more each day.

Every time you try to get information about him from Namjoon, he gives you the same response: "Just text him. Don’t overthink it; he’ll be glad to hear from you." Once, you sensed that Namjoon wanted to say more but stopped himself short, making the excuse that it wasn’t for him to say. Whatever that meant.

You’re on your way home from running errands when the thought enters your mind for the umpteenth time: should you text Taehyung?

You’re torn between respecting his privacy and wanting to check in on him. He hasn’t reached out, so maybe he’s trying to distance himself or just needs time to recover alone, now that he’s in the comfort of his own home. On the other hand, you can’t shake the feeling that checking in would be the right thing to do.

As you approach your apartment building, you pull over into a quiet parking spot, letting your car idle. Gripping your phone, you take a deep breath and finally decide to text him.

You: Hey, Taehyung. I hope you’re doing well. Just wanted to check in and see how you’re feeling. Let me know if you need anything. We still miss you at the office!

You stare at the message for a moment before hitting send. The butterflies in your stomach flutter as you wait. What if he doesn’t respond? What if he doesn't want to hear from you?

You end up deleting the message entirely.

Forget it, you think, if he wanted to hear from you he would have texted by now, right? Just leave it alone. You said you'd support him while he was in the hospital and you did. Now he needs his space to finish healing. He'll reach out when he's ready.

Your phone buzzes the next minute, snapping you out of your thoughts. You glance at it, half hoping that Taehyung was secretly telepathic. But it isn’t from him. Instead, it’s a notification from a friend inviting you to a small get-together this coming weekend.

Smiling, you accept the invitation.

Turns out your friend's get-together was a singles mixer. Unsurprisingly, you weren't approached much, if at all. It seemed the men were either too nervous, still associating you with your ex-husband, or not quite into accomplished women. That didn't stop them from ogling you, though, as your friend insisted that you dress for the affair. You didn't choose anything flashy, but it was certainly flattering.

Leaving without a phone number didn't bother you, though. At thirty years old, most of the people were younger than you, including your friend who was a couple of years younger. Plus, you found your mind often wandering to the one man you hadn't heard from in nearly three weeks—Kim Taehyung. Should you stop overthinking and finally listen to Namjoon's suggestion? Maybe it's time to contact him.

Lost in thought on your drive home, you snap back to reality when you slam on the brakes at a sudden red light. Damn, you hadn't noticed it change so quickly. Shaking off any lingering daze, you refocus and spot a man crossing the street ahead, a little dog trotting beside him on a leash.

"Taehyung," you whisper to yourself. "What is he doing out here, especially on this slipper—shit!"

Your heart skips a beat as Taehyung stumbles on the ice, struggling to keep his balance. Concerned, you pull up to the side of the road as soon as the light turns green, parking quickly and jumping out of your car to rush over to him. He leans against a brick building, his dog, Tan, yelping at your approach. Cute little guy, but you're focus is on Taehyung.

"Damn," he mutters, trying to steady himself. His eyes widen when he catches sight of you. "__, I—" he begins.

"What are you doing, Kim Taehyung?" you scold gently. "Are you trying to hurt yourself again?"

Taehyung meets your gaze, his Gucci scarf wrapped snugly around his neck. "No," he replies earnestly. "I just needed some fresh air. It's been nearly three weeks since I was discharged, and Dr. Min said short walks with Tan are okay now. My parents were here for a while, but they left this weekend."

His explanation sinks in as you take in his appearance. Despite the chill in the air, he looks better than the last time you saw him. His cheeks are slightly flushed from the cold, and there's a determination in his eyes that wasn't there before.

"You should be more careful," you reply softly, stepping closer to him. Tan, sensing the shift in attention, continues to bark happily, tail wagging. "Are you okay? My car is right here, if you need me to take you home or anything."

Taehyung nods, a small smile playing on his lips. "I know, I know. Sorry for worrying you." He gestures to Tan, who is now circling around your legs in excitement. "Tan here doesn't seem to mind the ice at all, and surprisingly, he doesn't mind you either."

You chuckle softly, crouching down to pet the little dog. "Is he usually this friendly?"

"Not at first, no," Taehyung replies, his tone lighter now. He glances down at you, his eyes softening. "I'm glad I ran into you, though. It's been...a while."

You nod, standing to your feet. "It has. I'm glad to see you're doing better."

"I am," he affirms, his gaze steady on yours. "Thanks to you, mostly. You were there for me when I needed it the most."

"Oh, come on," you say, waving off the comment. "I didn't do that much."

Taehyung's smile widens, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "You did more than you realize."

You feel a slight blush creeping up your cheeks at his words, but you maintain eye contact, appreciating the warmth in his gaze. The longer you stand there, staring at each other, the uneasier you feel. Perhaps you shouldn't ask the question that's been on your mind, but it slips out before you can stop it.

"Why didn't you call?" you ask, surprising both yourself and Taehyung as he simultaneously voices the exact same question.

Taken aback by the simultaneous question, you both chuckle nervously, breaking the tension. Taehyung scratches the back of his neck, sheepish.

"I thought about it every day," he admits, his voice quiet but sincere. "But I wasn't sure if you wanted to hear from me. I already took so much of your time, and I didn't want to ask more from you. So, I asked Namjoon to pick me up from the hospital. I thought maybe it would be better for me to wait for you to reach out and focus on recovering."

You nod, understanding flooding your expression. "I felt quite similar. I thought maybe you asked Namjoon because he's your friend. I didn't want to hound you when you just got released from the hospital, so I decided to let you recover in peace. I guess in the end, I was also waiting for you to reach out with an update of some kind."

Taehyung takes a few seconds to fully absorb your words before replying. "I'm sorry," he says softly, his eyes reflecting genuine remorse. "I didn't mean to make you feel like I was avoiding you. I would have been more than happy with you picking me up instead of Namjoon. I realize that I should have at least reached out to update you instead of going silent. I'd like to think of you as my friend too. But I wasn’t sure if you felt the same, and I just didn't want to burden you." His gaze becomes downcast as he stares at the ground beneath him.

You're unsure where you find the courage, but you bring your hands up to cup his cheeks, gently lifting his face so he meets your eyes. You have to stand on your tiptoes a bit, which he finds endearing.

"I’d like to consider you my friend too, and that means you shouldn't worry about burdening me anymore, Tae," you say softly, your touch lingering momentarily on his face, caught up in the moment. When you realize what you've done, you pull back slightly, flustered. "Um… sorry, I didn't mean to call you that."

"It's okay," he responds, his voice gentle. "I don't mind. You can call me Tae from now on if you'd like. Also, you're not a burden either, you never were to me."

You're speechless for a second before replying. "So, friends then?" you ask. "No more mixed signals and reaching out when we want?"

"I mean, I’d like that as long as you do too," he confirms with a warm smile, though his eyes say there's more that he's left unsaid. You don't notice, however.

"Text me whenever you have something on your mind," he continues.

"I will," you promise. “You too.”

"Definitely.” Taehyung pauses, glancing down at Tan who's decided to lay down by his feet. "So, I was going to take a walk with Tan at the park nearby. Any chance you'd like to join me?" His gaze shifts back to you, hopeful yet uncertain.

"I'd like that," you reply genuinely. "But we're taking my car over, so you don't break a hip on this ice, old man."

Taehyung's mouth gapes open as he shakes his head. "How many times do I need to tell you? I'm only two years older than you. Two!"

It's surreal.

How much you and Taehyung have started becoming friends, that is.

Almost two months have already passed, and it feels like just yesterday you were merely colleagues, you his boss.

Saturdays have become your day with Taehyung now. While part of you insists it's to prevent him from slipping on the ice again, deep down, you both know there's more to it now that he's almost fully recovered from his injuries.

Each weekend, you find yourselves exploring different parks and streets, swapping childhood stories, and sharing laughter over the dumbest things. Today, however, would be different. With rain threatening to drench the city, Taehyung suggested a change of plans—a cozy movie day indoors. Little did he know, you had a surprise in store for him.

You dash up to the front door, a bag of homemade food in one hand and an umbrella in the other.

Taehyung opens the door with a grin, holding his own umbrella. "Hey! Perfect timing," he chuckles, taking the umbrella from you and gesturing inside. "Come in. It's freezing out there today."

You step inside, shaking off the raindrops and removing your shoes. The warmth of his home envelopes you, a comforting contrast to the chilly rain outside.

"I brought something," you announce, holding up the bag. "Guess what it is?"

Taehyung looks at you curiously, his eyebrows raised in anticipation. "Hmm," he muses, pretending to ponder. "Knowing you, it's probably my favorite spicy chicken wings from that place near your office."

"Very close, Tae. Except these chicken wings were made by your favorite person in the whole world," you tease, handing him the bag with a grin.

Taehyung's eyes lit up as he takes the bag from you. "No way," he says, a mix of disbelief and excitement in his voice. "You made them yourself? You're the best, __. Seriously."

"It's the least I could do," you reply with a smile, following him into the living room where the TV flickers. "Besides, it's pouring out there. Movie day with good food seems like the perfect plan."

"Absolutely," he agrees, setting the food down on the coffee table. "I was thinking we could start with that new action flick I heard about."

"Aww, but I thought you said we could watch one of your movies instead?" you argue playfully, sinking into the couch. Tan bounds over, wagging his tail in excitement at the prospect of company. You scratch behind his ears while Taehyung sets up the movie.

"What? I don't remember saying that. Was I drunk that day?" he jokes.

"Well... maybe?" you tease back.

"I told you, __, I don't like watching my own films. It's weird, and half the time it's me kissing the female lead. You're going to need to watch those on your own time," he quips, his tone more serious than intended. The truth is, he really would rather not be there when you watch him kiss his co-stars.

"Alright, alright, getting aggressive over there," you chuckle, not seeing the faint rosy tint that's crept up on his cheeks. "We'll watch the action movie."

As the opening scenes roll, you can't help but steal glances at Taehyung. Despite the seriousness of his recent health issues, he seems more at ease today, a genuine smile gracing his face as he takes a seat beside you. It feels good to see him like this, relaxed and feeling more like himself.

Halfway through the movie, he nudges you gently. "Thanks for coming over today," he says softly, his gaze warm as it meets yours. "And for the food, of course."

"You don't have to thank me," you reply sincerely, nudging him back with a smile. "I'm happy to do it."

Unexpectedly, Taehyung reaches for the TV remote, pausing the scene playing in front of you. "Hey, __," he says, turning to face you, a hint of nervousness in his eyes as they shift from side to side.

"What is it, Tae?" You feel a slight unease, sensing tension. He's once again just staring into your eyes, wordless.

"Do you..." he starts but stops short, his voice trailing off.

"Yes?" You search his face for clues as to what he's trying to say.

"Would you want to go to a party with my family?" he finally asks, his words coming out in a rush. "My parents are hosting to celebrate my recovery, but really it's just an excuse to get the family together."

"So, a family reunion?" Your voice drops slightly, a mix of surprise and...disappointment? Why had you been expecting something different?

"I mean, yes, sort of. You don't have to if you don't want to," he adds quickly, almost anxiously. "I know it might be uncomfortable for you, but you've been here for me during so much of my recovery. It would mean a lot to have you there. My parents want to meet you too."

"Um... well, I've never been to a family function before," you admit hesitantly.

"You haven't?" Taehyung looks genuinely surprised.

You shake your head. "My family's never been one to do those types of things."

"Well, consider yourself part of my family then. Come with me, __. They'll love you."

"I-I don't know about that," you say softly, a flicker of uncertainty crossing your face. "How can you be so sure that they'll like me?"

"Because I do," he urges gently, "and if I like you, so will they."

You're taken aback by his words, unsure how to respond. Surely he means this in a platonic way. Despite growing closer, you and Taehyung are just friends, setting aside any previous suspicions of romantic interest. Maybe if circumstances were different—if you weren't divorced—then maybe you could entertain the idea.

For now, you'll leave that side of him alone and simply be his friend. You feel a bitter aftertaste in your mouth.

"Okay," you finally say, nodding your head. "I'll come. When is it?"

"They want to do it next weekend, weather permitting. We can carpool if you'd like, or you can take your own car," he offers.

"I'll think about it," you reply, trying to process the unexpected turn of events.

"Great." Taehyung flashes a boxy grin. "Thank you, I was so nervous to ask."

"Of course," you say, offering a tight-lipped smile. Taehyung unpauses the movie, and you return your attention to the TV screen. Minutes following your phone buzzes and a text message from Jimin appears on your screen.

Chim 🐥: __! Hate to be bringing this up, but have you seen the news about Jungkook? Looks like he's preparing to step down as CEO. Did you know about this?"

What? You had no clue.

a/n: If you are mad at me, well....I'm sorry but pls blame jk instead. But I am hoping you enjoyed! 🥰 vote jjk or kth

Masterlist | Requests: closed | Taglist | Fic Recs

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side note: I tried tagging readers in comments but most of them didn't go through, so i'm sorry about the clutter here...😬

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

[oddinary4bts]

Hii! Hope you don't take this as an hate ask 😅

So I started reading your latest fic ‘chasing cars ’ and it basically left me traumatized 😶

I am sorry I don't wanna hate but I think while you post the series mater post, you should put warnings there too? Cause midway in one of the chapters I saw the warning of ‘cheating?’ and then i read the chapter and I was like WHAT?

It just feels frustrating to be absorbed in reading a fic and wanting to read more and more and only for that type of warning (which should've been put before) to be shown in a mid chapter.

Like the warnings doesn't have be starlight up about ‘cheating ’ it could just be ‘pseudo cheating or implied cheating by the main character’ and it would still have been enough for readers like me to not even start reading fics (when its just isn't my type of fic, yk?) in the first place.

Listen no I would not put the warnings on the masterpost because it’s a huge spoiler! I know it sucks and I’m sorry it’s not something you’re comfortable with🥺 it is in fact not cheating at all anyway if you read more of the story but I understand if you want to stop now

In life we have to be aware that sometimes the media we consume might not be the best for us. I know there is a part of responsibility from the author, hence why I put warnings on each chapter, but then again there’s the reader’s responsibility too. Have you ever read a book (not dark romance) that comes with a list of warnings? I don’t think so. Us fic authors already do our best to put the warnings before every chapter, which is a lot more than book authors do. I’m sorry if it led to you getting triggered by the pseudo-cheating!

You can definitely DNF Chasing Cars, and I won’t be mad or disappointed if you do. Bc that’s part of your responsibility as a reader - to stop reading when you’re being triggered.

I hope you understand!

[hees-mine]

i've been inactive but i just caught up on your page and wow! The patreon is def a good marketing idea lol. There will definitely be people who pay to read your works since desperate horny ppl with money buy anything😂this whole "i don't have enough money" excuse is tickling me bc it seems like these ppl have more things to worry ab than begging for part 2s😭.

but yeah it was a bit surprising bc even though writing is time-consuming and im not getting paid on here, that's not what I do for it for. I genuinely like expressing my creativity for the fun of it and over time it feels like a piece of art. its just fun idk.. it's kind of mind-boggling that you're complaining about not getting anything in return because what else would you get in return? All your supporters can do is like comment and re-blog, they can't do anything else bc it's just a social media platform lol. i'm a pretty big page but even if it were 20 people reading I would still enjoy pleasing those 20 ppl. If the hate or negativity ur referring to is getting that bad I personally would just turn off asks!

ur gonna do what you wanna do and you'll make money regardless so kudos to you! It's just that i don't think this writing field should be taken so seriously or have such an effect on you, and heeseung is a human being in real life, so it is kind of weird that you'd want financial gain from it since he can't consent to that. but hey I support everyone's hustle.

you have amazing stories on here so I took a sigh of thanks that you're not going to delete or deactivate. They get me through a lonely night girl.😂😂def just delete the app if it ever gets too much for u!

Sigh

The wording of this is horrible

A lot of back handed compliments here but it’s all over text so maybe I’m not reading it right so I’m not going to dive into it

As far as money goes people can do whatever they want with it if they have it they have it if they don’t they don’t I’m not going to get into peoples finances let alone call it an “excuse” however I do agree their are more important matters than asking for a part 2

Key word YOU don’t do it for that reason me and you are two different people I don’t do it to make money either cause this blog was free to the whole public in the beginning so money was not on my mind when I made it

By you saying “i genuinely like expressing my creativity for fun” implies that I don’t

Im sorry that your mind is boggled because when I said I don’t get something in return was not in regards to money it’s a simple request for respect thats what I’m not getting here is basic respect and thats all I’ve been asking for for the past couple months

I get how social media works lol and the thing is I don’t need numbers or reblogs simply appreciate and respect my wishes and we’re gucci over here I don’t care if I had one reader as long as you’re appreciative of what I take time out of my day to do I’m cool with that

The negativity comes in more forms than just my ask box

I’m not taking it seriously and I don’t think anyone else is either clearly at the end of the day it is by no means affecting me in my personal life

Geez

This isn’t about “financial gain” it’s an opportunity for me to try and find the people who actually care about what I do and weed out the ones who just mass consume content with zero feedback sure I’d be making a little money off it but it would never be enough to sustain anything in real life I’m not greedy for a few bucks

So basically with that logic if him not being able to consent to me writing stories about him and making said money from those stories people would have to stop making fanmade items as well cause he’s not consenting to that either

Or is this different because there’s smut involved?

Either way it’s neither here nor there

Again the financial gain part is not even what I aim to do like I said some money would be involved yes but I’m not out here asking for 200$ dollars

Don’t know if you looked far enough but I’ve stated multiple times that if anyone had questions about pricing and what content they’d like to see then shoot me a dm/ask I’m open to making this a place where my readers can be happy and I can get away from the negativity that has plagued this blog

Thank you for liking what I put out i appreciate it🩵

It’ll never be a point where it gets too much because as I stated it’s just annoying but other than that it doesn’t have an impact enough for me to delete my blog it’s only an issue on tumblr

If I do ever delete it’ll be because I’m done with writing

Thanks for the input I hope my response just gives a little more insight on what things are like from my pov

[6okuto]

🍙 for @satorisoup from my fruits basket :3

Long Post. but i (Rlly) summarized the questions for viewing ease 🫡

1) life & school

i Am nervous about school hbdfhbg i’m a sociology major!! ^^ love soc but i switched to honours so i have to keep my gpa up, and most of my classes this year are really reading/writing/presentation heavy.. plus i'm trying a full course load for the first time so doing my thesis next yr will be easier, but i'm already easily stressed and burnt out.. lol.. ;; it's probably fine though

life’s getting busy.. and i’m not sure my cosplay will get here in time for my con but it’s ok tbh! the good outweighs the bad for those things. i wish i had money for the con outside my grants/loans but LOL that's life 

2) celebrating my birthday with keiji :3

tmi maybe. i haven’t had a great birthday since i was 15/16 to be honest FBHBDJ i'm so burnt out and depressed in dec that the past few years i haven’t done anything at all LOL but hearing this,, keiji makes it his mission to give me a good one ^^ ! 

he takes the day off and makes sure the day is just for us! practices making heart shaped pancakes and cooks breakfast.. i walk in on him in the kitchen super focused and accidentally scare him LOL he wanted it to be a surprise but it’s ok!! i watch and talk while i wait

it’s usually cold so i don't go anywhere ;; but we still have fun!! it’s nothing crazy,, we just talk, put on a show while we work on a puzzle or bake… play some co-op games.. order dinner.. yeagh

if it isn’t awful outside, we might make a little snowman or snow angels at the park nearby :]

he gets birthday gifts separate from his christmas ones.. since they're so close my birthday’s kinda overshadowed & i tell people to get one gift or none but keiji refuses!! he writes a long heartfelt letter, commissions art of us & our cat, and buys custom matching necklaces + little crochet accessories + ribbon 🙂‍↕️ (also macarons. i rock w macarons.)

3) favourite aki scene :3

his morning routine changed my life. they didn’t have to do that (not in the manga) but they did… my beautiful domestic soft morning dreams… it’s so Aki… and then i think about how he’d include u in his routine when ur together the way he does with denji and power… ouh..

4) art app + ur new stylus :0

looks down and kicks rocks. krita user over here. not that anything’s wrong with krita. i just feel lame when i see brushes i want because of course they’re never for krita. but it’s cool! how's ur new pen!! bro sometimes krita’s pressure sensitivity doesn’t work on start-up and i didn’t realize i could just restart the window settings . i kept reinstalling it. it’s fine but Wow i was miserable for so long (Months. like a stupid poopoo head)

5) Secret Art Opinions.

olivia wilde nodding gif. smoking duck gif. no one knows what i know no one’s seen what i’ve seen. BEAUTIFUL!! PERF!! i love his smile and jewelry (🤯) and hair and EVERYTHING!! your art style is SOO lovely cutieful lene!! and a 17 layer max seems nonsensical?! HELP.. how big is your canvas.. what app are you using bc isn't there ones made for what u want to try.. I believe in U!! no matter what i’m sure it will turn out awesome!!! he would be so flattered. his lips would wobble and he'd gasp/whine and hug and kiss u like WHAT!! FOR HIM..?..!!! yeah.

6) akaashi and i’s song :00

wanna say i will by mitski but that’s gonna be in every self-ship playlist of mine. maybe home by reese lansangan.. hesitate to say it’s Our Song but it’s a good one!!

My bones are safe / And my heart can rest / Knowing it belongs to you / My world is changed / And it's cradled by / The comfort that is you

7) monster lover post + ones i like

i wish i had good specific hear me out's but i don’t consume a lot of media with them so the ones i can think of are super basic and boring… i’d need a list in front of me so i could smash or pass. (if u have any in mind let me kneow.) but

the teacher from the girl from the other side. Like it’s my fault. doting adoptive self-sacrificial father figure DON’T TALK TO ME. also i must mention tokoyami. + shirou from BNA if he counts

tai lung from kung fu panda just once. the plague doctor (scp-049) obviously

probably some transformers. i like bumblebee 🩷 THE PACIFIC RIM JAEGERS . gipsy danger of course. striker eureka of course. gipsy avenger & november ajax & valor omega (Sorry.). azure defiant omgg PILIPPINS! 🇵🇭🇵🇭

i can usually get behind a “hear me out” if it isn’t like.. super slimey(?) or spikey. they could all hurt me but anything Very sharp/spikey i’m like nooo owwww ouchie nooo..

8) JJK since hell started on earth (+ lenoso!)

I Have been keeping up. unfortunate for my happiness. but Dear God. finding that out two hours after a comm and on FORTNITE is CRAZY? I’m so sorry. I get it. there’s like 3 vids and 6 pics of me crying. …did u at least win the fortnite match. i thank god every day my main thing is HQ because i just watch guys play volleyball. the manga.. a bit exciting.. hoping for an Ok outcome… maybe if gege has love and megan thee stallion in his heart

9) demon slayer opinions (+ genya specifically)

i watched the first season of kny but dropped it after hebfhsbjb nothing against it, just not rlly my cup of tea!! but i know quite a few deaths and the manga ending.. i don’t have a fave demon though.. i liked tanjiro + giyuu + sabito (predictable x3). also fond of rengoku (predictable) and mitsuri/obanai (predictable). Is akaza awesome and beautiful. i don't rlly know genya but i’ve seen him and his brother!! I will like him In Ur honour!!! ur friend reporting u for an edit is crazyehsbfjhb STAY STRONG… GENYA! i’m sure he’s fantastic!!

10) bnha + izuku thoughts!

Who’s calling izuku ugly. ☹️ i get u btw Like it’s my fault i’m always fond of the main characters and want the best for them. i don’t usually read stuff for him bUT i fr see the appeal, and he can be soo super interesting/fun to write and read about!! AND HE’S NOT UGLY!! ☹️ he’s very cutieful handsome. grown up deku… vivid and beautiful in my mind… 

11) favourite food, drink, etc. :3

rice . LOL i don’t think i have a favourite food but i love pinoy chicken dishes! my mom's adobo + caldereta + niligang manok. also been eating chorizo de cebu lately.. yummay..

sweet drinks.. frappes & taro boba… i need to expand my palette but y'know. and my fav soda is crush

i said this but i Love Macarons. you give me a plate of macarons i’m inhaling that shit like kirby. also sapin sapin and cheesecake! a great cake in general is so yummayyy

big hazelnut creme chocolate fan. I Love hazelnut chocolate. started when i was a child with kinder eggs and purdys chocolate hedgehogs and here i am

fav cereal is kellogg's krave. obvious chocolate fan here

SUSHI VIBES IS SO INTERESTING i’m pretty sure i’ve never had a piece. like ever. i do like fish… do u have any fave sushi.. i doubt i’ll be trying any soon but for future reference!!

12) anything and everything else ^_^ (mammon + mlp ment.)

Lene i have stuff to talk about at all times and will overshare every time

YAGH! mammon is the avatar of greed and 2nd eldest brother of 7 in Obey Me: One Master To Rule Them All. i actually didn’t like him at first (I’m sorry.) but he grew on me real bad. it’s serious. he's very tsundere which is Not my type but. something happened. He's a softie.. he cares about you and everyone So Much.. he's very empathetic and emotionally intelligent even if he struggles with being vulnerable.. he can generally control his emotions better /gets angry less than his brothers… he gets teased/mistreated a lot.. he loves money and hates working but he loves U even more So Of Course He’d do/give up Anything 4 U.. he's insecure and has called himself worthless on his own Which Devastated Me So Bad i love this guy so much Let’s All Just. oh man.

i Did like MLP. i stopped watching at some point but i want to go back and watch it all.. predictably obsessed with princess cadance and shining armor. I wanted to be her and I wanted him. Predictably. i cried over BBBFF when i was little btw /pos but hm.. my fav show was gravity falls maybe. so good.

we finally fixed what was wrong with the water in the one bathroom in the house that has a bath tub. exciting because i’ve never taken a bath… want to see what it’s like… perhaps use a bath bomb 🤔..

don’t think i’ve processed we’re going to have another person living with us. wow

been thinking about p5 akira a lot. my stupid beautiful loser sopping wet cat idiot handsome prince guy. Do u think 13 year old me would be surprised i still like him or that my bff likes goro or that i ship akeshu. i have 150 ss's from the p5 vn. and when i say he's written like my version of akaashi keiji.. hah......

might deactivate at some point tbh. saying this because i don't think people will read this far so it's like a little secret convo but i feel like i've overstayed my time / don't rlly fit anywhere bshdjsd i'll click delete account and just Stare for a while. like at some point u think about it so much it's like.. girl stop clinging on and just do it. but i don't want to lose my stuff so it won't happen until i put it all somewhere else. which won't be soon because i'm lazy as shit so. that's life i guess. 🤷🏻‍♀️ def won't until i finish my event.. will see if i can at least make it to my blog anni if not my birthday 🤔 would probably come back at some point anyway. also my users... can't lose 6okuto r u joking...

been rocking with pleasure delayer by between friends & rock-paper-scissors by katzenjammer lately.

broken 3 nails this week and may unfortunately break a 4th. my stupid baka life. might just cut the rest and restart... they were all Even. 1/2 cm long bro.. why does this happen to me...

excited to call and ask about my joke bear plate in a few days. i'm 100% sure i didn't do an even number of coats for everything and it'll look wonky in places, but i think that's part of the appeal. the nia 6okuto joke bear brand

thank u for joining and asking lene!! 🙆🏻‍♀️🩷🩷 i like 2 talk so do not worry. would u like some q's back.. a similar amount.. less.. more.. let me kneow. meow

[nuoc7mia]

random update on media i’ve been consuming:

- read and finished beach lovers by emily henry, which i surprisingly rlly enjoyed! i feel like i’m slowly understanding how to read romance novels the way that i read shojo manga LOL (the ending tho made me cry a bit damnit.)

- reading cruel prince by holly black rn which i’m also enjoying !!! reminds me a bit of how old ya dystopian fiction made me feel (pos) altho i will say that the voice is a lil inconsistent imo. also didn’t realize it was enemies to lovers LOL

- read kimi no yokohao o miteita (looking at your profile) and pls 😭😭😭 SOMEONE GIVE ME MORE TRANSLATIONS PLSSSS I LOVE THIS SORT OF PLOT W MULTIPLE NARRATORS WHO ALL EXPERIENCE ONE SIDED LOVE YEAHHHHHHHHHH

- read misu misou bc of the clips of the film on tiktok and goddamn it was graphic AND made me sad :<< did not realize the creator also wrote hi score girl + i still enjoyed the story for the most part. it’s def endless suffering tho

EDIT (12.3): woah wait i forogt i never posted this since i wrote this in july LOL but i shall continue altho tbh i also don’t remember half of what i finished consuming

- cruel prince is on pause rn bc i entered another reading/life slump ;-; i have a rlly big to-read list tho that i wanna start soon (including rereading the hunger games trilogy after spoiling all of the recent movie)

- finished monster which is WILD TO ME!!!! ugh it's such a good series — truly deserve of all the flowers it has received and sm more. writing is so tight and something i'm amazed abt is how it balances mindless violence and loss with the persistence of love and the hope that life can continue on. we want to be remembered bc our lives persist thru the ppl we meet and love. the relationship between a child and parent-figure are so important for the future pf humanity (i'm blurting stuff now). it also makes me rlly wanna dive into cold war history bc ik i glazed thru a lot of it back when i was in school LMFAO

- i read transcendent kingdom for a lit class and it CHANGED MY LIFE. its depiction of addiction, trauma, and its lasting impacts are sooo poignant and

- caught up on raise no tanin ga li (ii?) and it’s a fun read :3 i like the dynamic of the main couple and the yakuza/gang setting allows them to be a lil ridiculous despite just being high schoolers LOL. also the art style is so clean + unique??? obsessed

- stl: my son’s so silly

ok that’s all i can think of now :3 will do another update and actually keep a track of everything soon xD

[gavisuntiedboot]

Hey I was just wondering if you could link some articles about everything israel has been doing to Palestine in the last 16 years (so basically the time Gaza’s been an open air prison) bc tho I’m pretty invested in politics the media in my country hasn’t been covering this whole situation in Palestine apart from this past week (and the bigger attacks from a few years back) and even then the articles are pretty clearly pro israel so I do know to a certain extent what the situation is and has been like between Palestine and israel (the basics of these two countries’ history since WW2) but not the details and I’d like to inform myself

Unfortunately the media in Canada the UK the United States (obviously) and France (again this isn’t really surprising) isn’t really good at covering what’s happening in the Middle East so informing myself objectively and via reliable sources on the history of these places (when it doesn’t affect the western world) can be a bit hard I genuinely spent a lot of fucking time researching the subject but I just haven’t been satisfied with what I found (it’s all really repetitive and it doesn’t really cover the details tho I did find some really interesting articles written by Palestinian journalists) I did try watching documentaries but they all cut out the more awful parts of history which kind of really sucks (the one thing that was easier to find and that conveyed good and objective info is the statistics of the conditions Palestinians in Gaza have been living in)

If you don’t want to that’s totally fine feel no pressure about doing it but if you don’t wanna link articles could you maybe pls talk about what you know and again no pressure

Hello lovely,

So this has been sitting in my inbox for a while because I've been busy (school, protests, funerals and vigils, etc). I decided to respond to this one because I think the ask is framed very well.

It is common knowledge that Israel puts forward a large media and PR effort to hide the atrocities being committed. There is a huge monetary fund dedicated to this - what other country pays fully for college students to come for week-long trips and see how wonderful the country is? The entire regime is built on propaganda, and I think it's important that everyone try and dismantle our reliance on one or two sources of media. In school, we are constantly told who are the "reliable" sources of information, but in times like this, when the media and press are so controlled, look at the best and most reliable source: primary sources. I encourage you all to follow people who are on the ground in Gaza like Motaz Azaiza, who is on the ground in Gaza and has been for several years. I also encourage you to follow Mohammed El Kurd, who is from Sheikh Jarrah in occupied Jerusalem. He is brilliant and articulate and doesn't mince words, and he has done dozens of interviews and talks about the plight of Palestinians, both at home under occupation and in the diaspora. For news, I think one of the best sources has been Al Jazeera, which is a Middle Eastern news reporter. It is banned in some countries, but they release the most accurate information about what is currently happening. Many of their journalists have just had their families wiped out for the work they are doing.

In regards to what you can watch, there is a plethora of Palestinian film that you can consume. The ones off the top of my head are '5 broken cameras' and 'Omar', which are both critically acclaimed, brilliant films on Palestine. Here is a link to more documentary than film style pieces on Palestine: https://remix.aljazeera.com/aje/PalestineRemix/films_main.html

There are many YouTube videos on the subject as well. A very good article is the one published in n+1 by Saree Makdisi.

I personally don't have many articles to share, because everything I know about my home and my people was told to me by my family. So, allow me to share with you a little bit of my life story:

My grandfather was born in a small village in Palestine just outside of Nablus. He would have been about 8-10 years old when the Nakbah happened. Nakbah is the Arabic word for 'catastrophe', and it describes the displacement of 750,000 Palestinians in 1948. My grandfather was not one of them because of how far in the West Bank he was. He remained in Palestine, trying his hardest to flee despite the immense debt that his own father had passed onto him. He worked in shops. He picked olives from the hundreds, if not thousands, of trees in the village. He was trying to save himself and his 12 siblings, all on no income and a 4th grade education. There was no more school when the occupation started.

My grandmother was born in the neighboring village. She was looked after by two brothers and a father that would have torn the world to shreds for her. She met my grandfather when he came to help repair their home. They were married young, around 19, and they had their first son, my uncle, in their home in Palestine. The occupation got worse and worse, with people having their homes invaded, guns to their faces, being told to leave. My grandmother fought one such settler, and they took one of her beautiful green eyes for it. My grandparents tried everything they could to keep their house in Palestine, but it was no use. They had to flee to Kuwait (twice actually), a journey that takes 72 hours nonstop on foot, in order to not be killed by Israel. My grandmother took her house key with her, thinking she would need it to open the door when they were able to return. And that key still sits in her house, staring at her and her 8 children and 30 grandchildren who have never seen our home in Palestine.

I fortunately don't have direct family in Gaza, but I have living family that fled Palestine. I have so many family members who will never be able to see our land in our lifetime. Our house is gone. The olive trees are gone. Everything that my grandparents knew of the world for a quarter of their lives is gone. How long until we are gone? How long until the plan is successful, and our young are murdered and our old left to die so that Israel can say that Palestinians never existed in the first place?

Between three of my friends, they have lost 100 family members. Between Palestinians, we have lost over 7000 people. Civilians. Children. Mothers. Fathers. Neighbors. People. I want to educate, I want to be a voice and rally, but I can't do it every day. I'm struggling with the guilt of being alive as a Palestinian right now. My entire bloodline, my history, is being wiped off the face of the earth before my eyes. And I'm sorry I can't be more help.

[saint-renatus]

Honestly, I don’t get how people can’t understand that otome isekai is literally for wish fulfillment and self inserting not for being “realistic”😭 rest under the cut bc I have so many opinions.

The criticisms are always like “why doesn’t the protagonist ever miss her family” “why don’t they struggle without the use of google”(and yes this is a serious critique I’ve seen made) this is supposed to be a fantasy of being reborn as a rich lady with hot guys all over her this is obviously not made to be realistic. That’s why kill the villainess does nothing for me (no shade if it’s a favorite of yours), it’s commentary/satire of the genre falls flat because the purpose of isekai is not to show the main character struggling and being depressed. The purpose is escapism. It critiques otome isekai on something it was never trying to be and shows a fundamental misunderstanding of why these works exist in the first place. Kill the villainess feels like it was written by someone who didn’t bother trying to understand what they sought to critique and thought the people who read it were too dumb to understand that it wasn’t realistic. Commentary and subversion of tropes and media best work when they are made by people who actually like the original pieces of media because they’re the ones who are going to be aware of what is worthwhile critique of it. In making coherent criticism of a piece of media, you generally have to base them on what that work is going for, not whatever thing you wanted to see that contradicts the story and it was never written to be. When people were praising it like “finally! a realistic reaction to being isekai’d” to me, it sounded like when people on twitter go “What about a superman movie where superman has a realistic character arc and is corrupted and turned evil?” like do you even know what media you’re consuming right now? Do you know why people like it? What purpose it serves? What it’s trying to be? Kill the villainess is so ineffectual to me because it doesn't critique or satirize any actual issue of OI. I know it has the yandere male leads but so do hundreds of other novels and manhwa, trying to escape a psycho male character is the plot of so many other OI and KTV adds nothing to the topic. Sympathetic second female lead/heroine? Done already and arguably better. It hinges on a such flimsy premise and people act as if it's groundbreaking even though it misses the point because so did they.

I hate how women can’t have their wish fulfillment or badass power fantasies without someone whining because the female lead hasn’t tried to kill herself or been abused and it isn’t rEaLiStiC enough. Of course it isn’t, women get enough of watching female characters suffer on screen for the sake of realism maybe we just want to come home and read a silly story sometimes about a princess who falls in love with a knight and can heal people with magic or whatever. Men can get all the power fantasies they want in their media and have it go without any heavy criticism or great demand for realism but how dare women have nice stories where they’re not suffering constantly and yearning to get back to their shitty families/lives and can fall in love in a new fictional world more romantic than the real one. Watching people gush over miserable media simply for the fact that it is miserable and call it realistic just because the female lead is suffering and the male lead gets to do whatever, and use it to shit on the stories that women wrote in order to give some reprieve to what we already go through — the stories this genre is for — is so bleak.

Furthermore I hate the takes about how “everyone thinks these otome isekai worlds are better because magic but they’re actually suuuper lawless and dark” like no. People wanna live in these worlds because they are magical, fluffy, romantic settings where cliches can thrive, evil is always vanquished and the story is simple. It would be like saying “everyone wants to live in these beautiful disney movie kingdoms but they’re actually so dark, they’re based on medieval times so obviously even though you can see it’s only loosely based on those times, the world MUST be exactly like the dark ages. And look how they let evil sorceresses and flynn rider (convicted thief) roam around, clearly it’s a lawless land.” In most (not all) cases, it’s literally just a highly idealized setting for romance, defeating evil and living happily ever after.

It’s fine if self inserting or wish fulfillment isn’t your thing but to be blunt — find a new genre because otome isekai isn’t constantly referencing otome games for no reason. It’s self insert material. This genre wasn't and still really isn't for “realistic” tales and I don’t see the point in pretending that it is and complaining about the lack of it. That’s not to say I dislike realistic stories as a whole, just that they’re not really what otome isekai is for. I refuse to believe that people are just all around too oblivious to understand what these stories are for, I kinda just think these people make these complaints because most of the manga/manhwa is low hanging fruit and can be critiqued easily because they’re not challenging works. These people can say that they long for a more complex story with such and such subversions but those stories already exist and these people don’t seem to care to read or discuss them instead. And of course not, because those pieces of media are actually challenging and why put in the effort when you can pretend to be smart and enlightened by making pointless critiques of cliche stories? Why actually read complex media with subversions and topical commentary when you can make sure everyone knows you’re a super smart media critic by complaining about a story which never intended to be anything but silly wish fulfillment?

[yagamisdiary]

im so pissed that eldia isn’t as popular as parasite i wanna watch tiktoks about eldia and read tumblr posts and tweets about eldia and consume every single piece of media there is on the internet about eldia u should bribe someone on tiktok so that i can learn their opinions

LMFAOOO

i think the reason parasite got more popular was because of tiktok cause i began posting stuff related to it on there and it caught attention from ppl and then they started making videos too

i don’t really promote eldia on tik tok like i did parasite because 1) i dont use tik tok like that anymore i just get on to watch edits of whatever i’m obsessed with at the moment and 2) i hate posting on tiktok bc ppl on there are… odd

i totally get what u mean because i feel the same way! i know it might be weird to say bc i’m the author but i’m OBSESSED with eldia it’s all i think about sometimes so when i get to talk to ppl about it, it’s so fun

[rollercoasterwords]

Hey rae! So, I have a topic that I’d like to hear your opinion about because I feel like it’s been talked about a lot (at least from the media I consume) and that is saying that liking DE characters makes you anti-Semitic/ ‘support’ Nazis. I know how you feel about rosekiller, which I totally support, if you wanna be a hater, please do, but…hmmm I don’t know how I feel about people calling each other every name in the book for liking a DE. I mean that’s the same with regulus, I’ve seen quite a few people talk about how they hate him because he’s DE and liking him/any other DE makes u anti-Semitic. This has me questioning my morality and my pov because I refuse to be associated with people as horrible as Nazis, and I think that you always give a good perspective on things and so if you also think that liking these characters associates a person with them then I seriously need to sit down and have a 1:1 with myself, y’know?

Also, on the same topic i feel like there’s a huge controversy with liking Barty and hating Snape, which I see how that could be wrong, but we know more about Snape and he’s done things to characters that we really know and love so I kinda feel like not being fond of him but liking Barty is valid-ish?? Because yes, if we can erase huge parts of Barty’s character to make him more likeable&redeemable why wont we do that with Snape? I still don’t know how to feel about this whole thing because I think questioning things about yourself is a good thing and it helps you learn&grow so I’d just like to hear your thoughts (rosekiller hatred put aside). Like, if you think rosekiller is the most boring ship in the universe and if you wanna hate on it, please please do!!! Express your opinion!!!! But it kinda rubs me the wrong way to hate on the people liking DE and associating them with a hateful group. If you don’t wanna answer, that’s more than fine, you can totally ignore my ask!!! I understand if you don’t wanna share your opinion on this topic. Have a good day!!

hi! i appreciate that u value my opinion + i'm happy 2 talk thru my thoughts with u, but before i do i wanna make it clear that i am not any kind of expert in antisemitism + am not jewish myself, so you should not be taking my thoughts as like. The Ultimate Opinion on this issue at all--like, i'm happy to discuss, but i do not by any means have the authority to just deem something Good or Bad for u, y'know? nor would i ever want to! i don't really think issues like this can be boiled down to a simple "it's totally okay and no one should ever get upset about it!" vs "it's morally evil and no one should ever like these characters!" (also - if any jewish mutuals or followers wanna weigh in + let me know if there's anything i'm missing/overlooking/etc please do!)

so, i've seen at least some of the discourse you're talking about floating around online. i've seen some jewish people saying that blorbo-ifying death eater characters ignores the nazi allegory and makes nazi-allegory characters sympathetic, which is antisemitic. i've seen other jewish people saying that it's offensive to simplify naziism, a much larger, real political issue, down to calling fictional characters "wizard nazis," and that it belittles the actual historical significance to use antisemitism as a talking point in this discourse about which characters it is or isn't okay to like. that's why i say that i don't think you're gonna find One Cohesive Position on like....what's okay or not okay; it's just something you're gonna have to parse for yourself, and while i do think you should be giving particular weight to the perspectives of jewish people on this issue, that obviously doesn't mean that every single jewish person is going to agree.

anyway, i've mostly stayed out of this discourse partially bc i don't really care about most death eater characters and partially bc, as i said, i do not feel like i am any sort of expert who is like. qualified to discuss the ins and outs of antisemitism in hp fandom spaces. so again, this is just gonna be a conversation about my thoughts as they currently stand--not a lecture where i'm telling you what's right or wrong, and not a set-in-stone Stance on the Ultimate Truth of this matter or anything.

currently, my feeling on this whole quagmire of discourse basically boils down to: i think it's reductive to broadly state that anyone who likes/engages with death eater characters in fandom in any way is automatically antisemitic; i think there is more nuance to the situation and boiling down the issue to an overarching generalization is not necessarily the most useful way to address antisemitism in this particular fandom space.

and there are various reasons that i feel that way, which i'll try to break down below:

death eaters are not a 1:1 allegory for nazis

this is something that i think gets lost in translation a bit when we just say "oh the death eaters were wizard nazis." while, yes, i think jkr was definitely making some allegorical nods to naziism + hitler, particularly with the blood purity aspect of death eater-ism, personally i think that had less to do with jkr actually having a good grasp on the politics of nazi fascism and more to do with jkr being the kind of liberal who just goes "hmmm who's the Worst Person in history??" and then just cherry-picking bits and pieces of like. naziism to give her Bad Guys an easily recognizable cultural referrant to associate with their Badness. (i mean--from the critiques i have seen regarding jkr's own antisemitism that is embedded in the hp text, she clearly was not writing the death eaters as like. a disavowal of antisemitism.)

something that concerns me is that treating death eaters as a 1:1 allegory for nazis sort of obscures some very important, very fundamental differences in the fascism of actual nazis. in hp, death eaters are positioned as a fringe "terrorist" group, in that they are opposed to the wizarding State. they obtain power through largely "illegitimate" (again, by the metrics of State power) means by way of a coup; in this way, a fundamental aspect of the death eaters as Bad Guys is that they are not legitimated by the State--something that very clearly speaks to jkr's own liberal politics when it comes to defining Good versus Bad.

but real-life nazis rose to power specifically by using legitimated State power. this is really fucking important to understand!!!! historically, fascism is often perpetuated by the logics of State power, and that's part of what allows it to take hold--people think, "oh, it can't be that bad, after all, we elected this fascist leader." etc. while hitler did attempt to gain power through a coup in 1923, that specifically failed and led to him pivoting and seeking control by becoming a legitimate part of the German government. he solidified his power using completely legal means, from within the State. this is very, very different to how voldemort + the death eaters take power in hp, and also very opposed to jkr's State-centered politics about Good vs. Bad. while i think it's important + useful to recognize the ways in which death eaters draw allegorical connections to nazis and how that can perpetuate antisemitism if we're not aware of it, i think to simply paint death eaters as nazis can actually lead into the trap of thinking fascism is something that is opposed to the State, when it is more often something that grows out of the State.

liking a death eater character is not always gonna translate to liking death eaters

so, aside from the whole sticky situation with nazis as an allegory for death eaters in the first place--what's more important to me when thinking about how someone likes/engages with death eater characters is gonna be the way they engage with those characters, and what that reflects about their own politics.

if someone likes a death eater character because they like death eaters and think that like...there are no issues with the death eaters' beliefs or positions, then....yeah that's a major red flag. but most of the people who like these characters, from what i've seen, tend to do one of two things:

1 - explore the character because the character broke away from the death eaters in some way (regulus, snape, etc). this usually requires an exploration of how the death eaters are bad, because it requires an exploration of why the character turned away from them. i'm gonna be interested in how someone explores that issue and what that says about their own politics, but that's a case-by-case basis, y'know? and even if i personally think someone is still missing the heart of the issue in their "death eaters bad" story, it is still a "death eaters bad" story--i don't really think a person is aligning themselves with the death eaters if they're specifically writing about how they are bad and why someone initially taken in by their beliefs would later turn away from them.

2 - explore a character who hasn't broken away, looking at why a person might align themselves with death eaters and how someone might buy into that sort of political rhetoric. again, this is a case-by-case basis for me in terms of looking at what sort of politics is reflected, but generally speaking i do not think that writing stories about why or how someone might become a fascist is Always Morally Wrong. in fact, i think these stories are very necessary in helping us understand how fascism takes root in real life.

if someone is just writing "death eaters ra-ra!" fanfiction then. yeah i might take that as a red flag. but the death eaters are so clearly Bad Guys that i personally have not come across any examples of someone doing that, even if i have come across stories where i don't entirely agree with the politics of how someone is writing the death eaters as Bad.

liking a character in the context of fanfiction is not always going to translate to liking that character as a death eater

a lot of people write aus and stories where the death eaters don't even exist. in those situations, i struggle to understand how liking the characters, in and of itself, would be antisemitic, as the character has specifically been turned into not-a-death-eater and is oftentimes basically an oc.

liking a fictional character is not a simple moral reflection of how someone actually thinks - what i'd be more wary of is someone absorbing the neoliberal politics of hp without question

this is kind of getting back into repeating some of the points above--but again, for me personally, this is an issue that i evaluate much more on a case-by-case basis rather than trying to broadly apply One Rule. since i can't automatically know someone's reasons for liking a character, the context in which they like the character, etc, what i tend to judge more is the specific way i actually see them interacting with that character--how they write them, what stories they like to read, their hcs, etc. again, i am not an expert when it comes to judging antisemitism, so i do also try to make it a point to see what my jewish mutuals are saying when this sort of discourse comes up. but for myself, i tend to be more wary about the politics underlying specific pieces of writing rather than which characters someone is choosing to write about.

all that being said, i do still think it's fair if someone views liking death eaters as a red flag, y'know? like, everyone is allowed to judge for themselves what they see as red flags in this fandom space, and if someone is saying "i think it's antisemitic to like death eaters," i personally don't really think i have a right to go and argue with that person, for obvious reasons. since i do sometimes write about death eater characters, i try to be very aware of what kinds of politics are underlying my work and what sort of messages someone might take away. but if someone needs to block me, avoid my work, etc, i obviously don't have an issue with that--everyone is allowed and encouraged to curate their fandom space in a way that's best for them, and if someone has a boundary regarding interaction with death eater characters, that's their boundary to keep, y'know? i don't think it's productive (unless maybe you yourself experience antisemitism and it's a conversation you want to have) to go to that person and argue about why they're wrong, as if they need to tell you your actions are actually morally okay with them. sometimes people are going to have issues with the things you write or read in fandom, which is why you need to develop the ability to reflect + weigh these sorts of issues for yourself, and grow comfortable with the idea that there is not always going to be an ultimate Right and Wrong answer for How To Behave.

as for the snape vs barty [or insert whatever other death eater character here] - my thoughts on that are essentially. i truly do not think it matters which characters you like or dislike. you can like one death eater character or not another. it's fine. you don't have to like one character over another. this is fanfiction. the moral stakes are not that high.

the only instance in which i would say liking one character over another gets hypocrticial is if you are saying that people shouldn't like a character. for example -- if you are running around the internet saying that snape is a disgusting character and nobody is allowed to like him, but at the same time you're blorbo-ifying barty crouch jr. then, yeah, that's annyoing and hypocritical. but if you're just chilling in peace, reading + writing ur fic and not policing the things that other people are allowed to like or dislike, then i truly do not think it matters if you like barty crouch jr. but not snape. i'm all for self-reflection and thinking about why you personally might like one character over another, but at the end of the day writing + reading fic is not any kind of activism; it's a hobby, it's for enjoyment. i promise that u do not need to have a moral crisis about disliking severus snape from harry potter lmao

[charmixpower]

Look live action will always scare me to the extent that I’ve hit a point where I almost don’t care about rivens potential race anymore but honestly I just wanna know HOW THEY GONNA DO THE ANTI GRAVITY MAGENTA ONION HAIR since the new live action will apparently focuse on more “animation accuracy” I’m curious what is gonna happen with it and how it’ll look😭 tbh I’m kinda manifesting that if they refuse to do like full on magenta hair he’ll at least have like magenta dip dye or smth🤪 tbh I’d the spikey hair doesnt work irl I’d kinda dig a ponytail or manbun to kinda emulate the silhouette of an elevated hair look but that’s probably like just me but I’m excited to see what they will do with his hair😭

On the topic of the ethnicity of the specialists I think one thing I always liked about them is that because they weren’t based off irl celebrities nor do they ever specify races in the magic dimension, I like to think that everyone can have their own hcs Abt them if they’re more ambiguous. Like I guess it might get rlly confusing with helia and Saadin Bcs of helia supposedly taking a more East Asian appearance while Saladin has more southwest inspiration so I guess in terms of genetics it may not rlly seem logical to some? Idk I personally chose to ignore now and there’s rlly not much a point of reading into it as it rlly was a children’s cartoon. And everyone would have their own interpretation of it? Like I guess for me mentally I used to think riven was East Asian like musa when I was rlly young because as an East Asian who grew up in a homogenous country I always remember interracial dating being looked down upon and super unconventional where I was from and I guess I just accidentally projected and assumed since I was a kid. Now that Im older yes I’m a bit more confused but it rlly is super interesting. But I always love listening to others thoughts on characters it’s just very insightful to see how people interpret the animation differently!! I just sometimes like to see people feeling represented in the media they consume tbh

Lol ive never been a fan of live action anything. Its harder for me to suspend my disbelief when I'm looking at some guy doing magic vs a drawing ya know??

Tbh ill be happy enough if his hair is just magenta. Riven with a natural hair color is a evil crime and I will not stand for it. Dye that fuckers hair or so help me god

It would be admittly funny if they use a wig or gel the shit out of his hair, but his hair is probably gonna be just magenta and a normal hair style

Simple solution, Helia is mixed! XD thats the best way to solve all these probems

That's completely understandable, I understand why youd make that assumption, like me and Nabus braids XD

Oh if you wanna hear something about inteprations: both me and my mom thought Aisha was mixed latina and black because her hair texture doesn't have that much volume, especially next to Stormy who's hair looks far more kinky than Aisha's did. Her hair being limp and looking more curly than kinky or coily is definitely at its worst in Harmonix, which is the season I stopped watching at growing up. S6+7 are the best at giving Aisha's hair volume, which is ironic because that's when the couture art style set in, but neither me nor my mom saw that

If your wondering, its mostly the way her hair tapers off, and how it goes mostly down instead of out. It makes her hair look 3 range, which is like my mixed kid hair and less like my mother's

I hope you find that interesting ^^

[widowsliver]

favourite songs / lyrics from each album? (bc i know u love talking abt lyricism) (again, go into detail)

-> also so jealous you got to scream sorry if you're living and you're seventeen AT seventeen, must've been so life affirming :,)))

walked to work this morning with self-titled playing in preparation to answer this (I am also on a mission to rank their entire discography anyways), I have been waiting all day to write this!

self-titled — although I love all the albums, self-titled is probably the one I listen to less frequently , so you could ask me this question in about a week and it probably would’ve changed. at the moment, I’m in love with ‘settle down’ mainly because of mattys vocals saying the title in the chorus “sETtle dOWn” (the best way I can visualise it through words haha). this song is just so the 1975, especially through the guitar! other than that, I love the contrast with “and your cold and I burn” — it’s giving teenage angst. it’s giving 2014 tumblr. and I eat it up every-time. sometimes your favourite lyrics don’t have to be political takes on modernity or complex metaphorical perspectives, they can just be fun!

iliwys — this album is very hard to choose from, but I’ve managed to narrow it down to ‘ballad’ as my favourite song production wise, and ‘nana’ when looking at the lyrics. the simplicity of ‘ballad’ is what makes it stand out to me I think, and like I’ve talked before I am a massive fan of synth and baselines — the repetitiveness of the drums as it’s all layered is fantastic and just stands to show you don’t need all your songs to be complex masterpieces to work. the way the lyrics are also sung ( / spoken ) is just so therapeutic to me as it’s also once again harsh and emotional. in regards to ‘nana’, very similar to my thoughts on ‘I always wanna die (sometimes)’ , having that personal experience of loosing somebody close to you and battling with my own mental health really shifts your perspective. straight off the bat, “I wish you’d walk in again” is so strong in my opinion to open because of its relatability and sets the songs standard of having an unfiltered, honest craft. the same goes for “the things that I wished I’d said”, because, once again, this consumed my mind from my own personal experience, and shows that you’re not alone when dealing with your grief. being so strong near the end with “I think you can tell” shows the hope that no matter your religious beliefs, you want to think that they’re still connected to you even if they’re not in a physical form — the best thing that I’d ever been told was that it would be impossible for the relationship to stop existing after their gone, because your memories and experiences with them will last forever.

abiior — although I’ve already expanded on my favourites ‘give yourself a try’ and ‘I always wanna die (sometimes)’ in my other post, I thought I’d talk about my third favourite (as it’s my favourite album) being ‘sincerity is scary’. I just love the feeling I get when listening to this song because of all the instruments and the easy beat that flows the lyrics perfectly. this song is perfectly juxtaposed because of the evoked lyrics against the steady, lighthearted beat, which is what I love about not just the song, but the 1975 themselves, with matty himself saying that he knows he’s in a song. the backing choir as well? perfection. my favourite lyrics from the song would probably be “and why would you believe you could control how you’re perceived” — it’s almost provoking, “why would you”? that “why”? I think that’s what stands out the most to me. again, looking at the genius video, it’s important to know the divide that’s lost between this is what I do vs. this is what I am. a very accurate take on modern media construction!

noacf — this is probably the easiest one for me to decide, ‘nothing revealed / everything denied’ to my deathbed! probably my shortest analysis out of them all, because I genuinely believe everything that needs to be said is obvious. once again the production in solid, although I don’t have a lot to comment on — because it just fits. the bridge took me by surprise by how much I like it, because normally I wouldn’t think this would be my style. my favourite lyrics being simple, “life feels like a lie, I need something to be true.” you want to make connections to the people in your life, you want to build relationships, but sometimes all of this can get clouded because life is not simple in the slightest, hence the feeling of falsehood. you crave honesty, you crave simplicity, because that’s not what you’ll often find; questioning your own experiences against others, wanting to find answers — “Is there anybody out there?”

bfiafl — the final one! again, this was a toss up between two, ‘part of the band’ and ‘all I need to hear’ (an honourable mention to ‘about you’ as I couldn’t not mention the masterpiece that it is, this song is just an experience), however I have settled on ‘part of the band’. the whole album uses the creativity of incorporating all of these different instruments to create a dynamic and layered approach which I believed is showcased to its fullest ability within ‘part of the band’, especially when you watch the podcast episodes behind the production. fun fact; the first time I listened to this song, I did not like it at all and couldn’t understand the hype (oh how I grew to love it). funnily enough, one of my favourite lyrics is “cumming to her lookalikes” because of how unfiltered and (sort of?? a bit of a reach) masculine it feels, I feel like this lyric goes best with the whole ‘at their very best’ era and really plays into mattys character, it creates like a melancholy feeling? other than that, “that feeling on the internet, it’s like someone intended it” really grabs your attention in realising how far we’ve come through media consumption and how it’s designed for you, in all the good ways and all the bad ways. it’s manipulative, and it’s dangerous. finally, “am I ironically woke? the butt of my joke?” speaks for itself. I hate saying it’s so ‘meta’ (because I do not want to be cringe), but that’s the best way of putting it — and I love it. my personal project that I have to complete in college is all about the responsibilities that we’ve handed to famous people and the expectations that have exceeded them just being band members or just being actors, and I think matty healy is the perfect example.

and that’s that. so many thoughts my brain is now foggy asf. and yes it was so validating screaming I’m sorry if you’re living and your seventeen I’m afraid I’ll never experience something like it again :’)

[steventhusiast]

WOO MORE TAG GAMES! keep em coming never stop tagging me! this time i got tagged by @xenon-demon :D and it’s 15 questions

are you named after anyone? not that i know of

when was the last time you cried? i’ve cried a fair bit recently hmmm i think during therapy last week

do you have kids? no i am just a little guy (21) and do not know how to interact with children under the age of 10

do you use sarcasm a lot? to be honest, not really? i do enjoy a good sarcastic back and forth tho

what sports do you play/have you played? i’ve never really been into sports.. living up to my truth as a gay stereotype

what’s the first thing you notice about people? i think accessories? i’m pretty bad at recognising faces and other physical attributes at first but i’ve realised recently with my current friends like the identifier i used for them when we first met was like ‘the girl with the winnie the pooh pencil case’ or ‘the girl with the cool disney princess backpack’

what’s your eye colour? so grey-ish blue but i have a ring around my pupil of like an orangey-brown that is kind of cool

scary movies or happy endings? i am a big baby so happy endings. especially if it’s a satisfying happy ending and i am emotionally attached to any of the characters. i do REALLY ENJOY depressing movies though so… but scary movies? absolutely not i hate the feeling of waiting for a jumpscare to happen

any special talents? i don’t think so. just an average little guy right here

where were you born? so so very scared of doxing myself bc the uk is SMALL so bottom half of england

what are your hobbies? reading and writing, playing a lot of video games (rn ive been getting back into truck simulator that shit is SOOOO calming, and i’m also a big valorant guy and a big minecraft/cosy games guy). i guess also like consuming media? idk not many hobbies to be honest but i wanna try and find a not screen related hobby over summer that i can do when i’m anxious like i wanna learn how to crochet or something

do you have pets? yes i have a dog he is the best boy ever and he turns 12 rly soon. he’s a little old man and the fur on his chin has gone grey bc of it

how tall are you? 5’4 and proud. perfect hug height for taller people

favourite subject in school? before i got to choose gcses and stuff? english, but once we got to choose, media studies <3

dream job? am another fuck capitalism i don’t dream of labour girlie, but i want to work in some sort of design position. maybe something in publishing design? or creative advertising? idk i dream moreso about future experiences than where i will make my money to live

not gonna tag 15 people bc i’m sleepy but here are a few (sorry if you’ve done this already) @beep-beep-robin @spectrum-spectre @italiansteebie @stregoniconiconii

[faroreswinds]

On the topic of contradicting narrative and lore in Houses/Hopes, that the other anon brought up: I don't wanna offense anyone but suggesting that we should ignore all contradicting information just to accept "Church bad" and not think about it further seems to easy for me. Ofc anyone should enjoy games like they want to and some things are left to interpretation, so it's ok to come to different conclusions on some things. But I think it doesn't hurt to be skeptical, especially when a game [1]

[3] supplies routes from different perspectives of people who don't speak to each other, or at least not in attempt of any diplomacy. Sometimes you stumble upon things in one route that you as a player know aren't true bc you played the other routes and know more about the other's motivation than the cast. And that also applies to the Church and Rhea, who never get even one explicit quote in which she tells us how she really thinks about any change in Fodlan. That's why after all this time [2]

[3] peope still argue about Edelgard, Rhea, Dimitri and now Claude, too. Who is right, who is wrong, bla bla. Maybe none of them are. Maybe it's left contradicting and ambiguous intentionally, so people can come to their own interpretation/conclusion and so that no one has the feeling of rooting for the "wrong" side, wether you love the Church, the Eagles, the Lions or the Deers. And honestly? Not even the narrative in Hopes sold me on "Church bad/needs to go". It still feels like El is waging

[4] her war to conquer all of Fodlan to bring the change she wishes for. The Church is part of what needs to change and also a scapegoat for the bigger unification plan. Claude is using her war for his own gain, oppurtinistic as he is. And Dimitri just tries to protect Faerghus and his people, no matter what. Rhea... exists in this game, that's all you can say lol - so yeah, the Church needs to change, like all of Fodlan. Do we need a continet-wide war and Rhea's death for that? Not so sure.

You bring up a lot of good points, anon.

but suggesting that we should ignore all contradicting information just to accept "Church bad" and not think about it further seems to easy for me

That was exactly my problem. It was just “accepting what you are told despite all the evidence otherwise” that bothers me. Why would I accept what the story is telling me if the supporting evidence just doesn’t work?

Take Rings of Power. The narrative tells me that Galadriel is an awesome, strong female warrior who should be rooted for and well respected. But all the rest of the evidence shows me a whiny, teenage brat who nearly kills her allies and forces everyone to give her what she wants. I cannot stand RoP Galadriel, yet the narrative clearly wants me to love her. It does not recognize that her actions are atrocious. In fact, it celebrates and rewards them. 

Just accepting what something wants you to believe is lazy. That attitude encourages consumption of media without critical thinking. Just consume. Don’t think.

But I think it doesn't hurt to be skeptical, especially when a game [1] supplies routes from different perspectives of people who don't speak to each other, or at least not in attempt of any diplomacy. Sometimes you stumble upon things in one route that you as a player know aren't true bc you played the other routes and know more about the other's motivation than the cast.

Yes! This is called “Dramatic irony”, when the audience knows something the characters don’t. Dramatic irony can be great because it can build suspense, either positively or negative.

You know that character is the murderer. But the guy waltzing around with the murderer doesn’t know. You bite your nails. Will the murderer kill him?

Or you know that the girl has a crush on the other girl. But the other girl doesn’t know. Oh man, will she tell her? How long must I wait? Oh, the suspense! 

Hopes and Houses has dramatic irony and does.... nothing with it. In fact, it acts as if it doesn’t even have it. If I played AG first, then played GW (without Houses context), then I will know that the stuff about Rhea forcing people to follow her religion or trying to keep out foreigners doesn’t make sense! And I’m waiting for the GD crew to figure that out. So suddenly go “Oh shit, we were wrong! Wait, Rhea is a dragon? There is a even bigger threat at hand?!”

But that never happens. The game just pretends that you just don’t know AG’s side, and you are dragged through the mud watching your characters not only be ignorant, but even stupid. 

It still feels like El is waging her war to conquer all of Fodlan to bring the change she wishes for. The Church is part of what needs to change and also a scapegoat for the bigger unification plan. Claude is using her war for his own gain, oppurtinistic as he is. And Dimitri just tries to protect Faerghus and his people, no matter what. Rhea... exists in this game, that's all you can say lol

I mean like... pretty much. Lol

[menalez]

(about that post you made yesterday abt how you just don’t like male centric media) i think the problem for me is that the genres or whatever you wanna call them that i like the most don’t have good female representation, or even if they do hardly any are lesbian, and if it came between reading abt an osa couple or reading abt a gay male couple i would choose the latter. with books it’s pretty easy to just get one that has good representation for gay male couples and then just imagine them as butch women in my head (it always throws me off when i see fanart or something and it’s like woah! that’s a man) if all the male centric media i consumed genderswapped all the characters i would like it 1000x better, but i deal (& i know it’s like ‘write the book you want to read!’ but i suck at writing). i don’t watch a lot of tv, but as far as shows go there are actually a few good ones with female main characters, like the half of it (you should watch that if you haven’t) you mentioned heartstopper.. everyone was so obsessed with heartstopper but some parts were kinda bad cringy to watch, since i just literally can’t take males seriously lmao.. same with young royals and things like that. like every single tv show with/about a lesbian romance got canceled and the movie prom sucked. i don’t know, male centric media doesn’t always bore me but i wish there was just better female centric, lesbian centric, etc.

i can kinda get u bc i love dystopian novels n i read those without much trouble bc idk it’s easier to pretend they’re not men anyways but like if it’s shows or movies i generally avoid ones that r very male-heavy. if it’s about gay men usually i can handle it a bit better bc i can relate somewhat but like het men … no thanks. or ones that r male-centric in a different way like the TV show You.. for one it’s all him obsessing over other women so women are a p big part of the show but it shows men from a diff perspective so i like it. but dexter for example… tried to watch it like 5 different times, never got past like episode 6 or sth. there’s def some exceptions for me but generally i get instantly bored if a show or movie is mainly about men or from a male perspective. when it’s gay men it’s sth i can watch sometimes tho, but those are also rare. also ur right lesbian representation sucks.. anon if u like tho maybe u should check out the 100. the het scenes r ignorable and it’s not great lesbian rep either but it’s got a lot of female MCs & the main character is like. obsessed with a certain lesbian hehe.

also thank u for the rec!!! i did watch half of it. i loved the lesbian rep and the fact that she had this dumbass straight male friend who respected her 😭 also iirc the ending was more realistic but still somewhat happy ?? it was nice. i liked blue is the warmest colour a lot bc the story is sad as hell and the actresses are AMAZING but the sex scenes are way too much (i first watched it with my mom when i was like 15… it was very awkward. she asked me questions that i did not want to be asked) & also the actresses said the director (male) was.. not good to say the least. i also wanna watch the colour purple, i finished the book recently and was weeping.. i loved hearing from the perspective of a traumatised lesbian who clearly didn’t understand her own feelings bc i could somewhat relate and getting to see her grow 😭😭.. it’s just so well written. orphan black, wentworth, sugar rush… just some faves w memorable lesbian rep

there’s soooo many shows ive watched just for lesbian rep and most are pretty terrible. do not watch riverdale, or tales of the city, feel good (the plot twist at season 1 is that she’s not actually a lesbian which. idk why they had to make that a plot twist lmfao… i would’ve been fine knowing she’s a masc bi woman from episode 1), or gypsy.