#is it normal to feel mentally different when switching blogs????

[tony-andonuts]

Every day it feels even more like i might have osdd

[house-of-mirrors]

@vonlipvig answering on this blog!

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

Answered here for Orsinio but I'll talk about Samuel! He trusts everyone until he doesn't, and he mistrusts everyone until he does. "Well yes, but actually no." You understand. No one is barred entry from his bar, but if you cause problems, you get physically removed, no strong feelings, simple as that.

15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

Orsinio is talkative and impulsive, inclined to speak without thinking first. He can come up with words quickly on the fly, exhibiting a cleverness in arguments and verbal fights. If he has a more serious emotional thing to talk about, he plans out a scripted response but rarely actually winds up using it before breaking to a more spur of the moment thing. When he's stressed, it's common for him to lose speech, so sometimes he does not talk at all. A quiet O means there has been devastation.

Similarly, a Samuel who is talking means there has been even more devastation. Normally, Samuel tries to say as little as possible, unless he's telling a story, and he never phrases anything as a question.

20. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

I, the author, struggle to explain the difference

Well, almost none of my ocs experience romantic love! Lucretia is the only one that does and is still demiromantic. Aro spectrum for the win.

40. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

Orsinio is almost always introspecting. He's gotten better with time but still will dwell on mistakes or times he could have done or said or felt something better. He can have a black and white approach to morality at times. Obsesses over things and knows when he's in too deep but can't stop. Considers mental health issues to be a flaw because of the time period and blames it on "a weak constitution." Has a hard time letting people help. Orsinio is very hard on himself. Flaws he forgives in others are not forgiven in himself. He's really trying to get better though, especially since not studying the discordance and getting a handle on the grief process after nemesis. The Neath doesn't have therapy but does have cosmic horror vibe checks.

D. Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

When I first started playing, Orsinio used to have brown hair. He wore goggles everywhere and then his design got spectacles for outside the lab. I imagined him in adventurous gear, like belts and pouches and things, before switching to the more elegant outfits of the late 19th century, though he's always had a cloak. It was part of his character arc when he got a cane, when he got white streaks in his hair, and when he started to dress in heavier layers. In the future, he'll get a beard, and as he recovers from trauma will gain some weight. I've been seriously struggling with health since I started playing in 2020 so there's a bit of projection there but yeah. He deserves healing. Dilf Orsinio is endgame.

Everyone else has pretty much stayed the same! Orsinio was my first when I didn't know a lot about the game or how I wanted to roleplay, so he went through the most changes.

E. Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

We would be able to relate on disabilities and love for literature and music, but I'm not sure we would be able to get on more than that. Orsinio would annoy me with his lack of self awareness and reluctance to get help. I have self preservation instincts. We can both be stubborn and inflexible in thinking at times. If we were just meeting for an afternoon in a coffee shop, sure we'd get along. A passionate discussion about Shakespeare and astrophysics, and then I tell him about the marvels of the MRI.

Miles is a no, absolutely not. Ignoring all the robber baron things and dark magic, they have a social media influencer personality. They would dislike me for shopping at thrift stores and I'd make them wash one dish and they'd cry.

Samuel yes, totally. I sit at the bar and talk for an hour while he nods and provides interesting drink recipes. Great time.

Captain Min, sure, I'll be a space adventure story side character and can be very useful doing ledgers and maps

Lucretia is one I'm not sure how to answer. We're both pretty reserved. I think I could have a friendship with her like I have with some of my friends from grad school who are >25 years older than me. Pleasant and encouraging on both sides with a strong awareness of me being young for her to be my parent slakdsfdls

[sleepsuck]

The Sabrina Study

Sabrina was a bright and upcoming researcher, but what she specialized in had concerned her colleagues: suggestible neural interfaces. There already were extensive studies of devices that allowed humans to mentally connect with and control technology. What interested her was the other way around. She wanted to make the first breakthrough towards devices that send signals to the human brain. Naturally the implications of such technology was ethically troublesome, but the demand for it was definitely there. Along with the private funding that came with it. "If it's possible, someone will develop it anyways," she would justify. And her job was simply to find out if it's possible and how far it could go.

If you asked her though, she was unashamed of her deep personal interest in her research. To Sabrina it wasn't just about the potential academic fame. Even before she decided to pursue neuroscience she was hooked on the possibilities through fiction. Her favorite blogs focused on women reduced to a mindless mess through all sorts of methods. Crystals, spirals, headphones, glasses... all of it turned her on. But she wondered why some of the more advanced brainwashing technology in these stories didn't exist yet. Sure some drugs might be closer to making the mind suggestible, yet she always felt a more logical approach to control was hottest. And therefore, more efficient.

Of course she tried to remain professional during her research, despite the sexual interests being her main driving factor. Although she couldn't help how those thoughts would influence some of her most successful ideas later. She started simply with existing EEG technology, which can measure electrical activity in the brain through electrodes on the scalp. This used to involve a lot of wires and small metal discs, but eventually their designs were simplified as the process evolved.

While wearing one of these headsets would allow a computer to scan brain activity, it wasn't capable of manipulating signals in the brain. But instead, these real-time scans could also activate other external devices. Set it up properly, and a person could turn on a light with just their mind. But of course, Sabrina knew there were other kinds of switches she would rather flip. Connect them to a vibrator in just the right spots, and you could easily start a feedback loop of pleasure. Of course a vibrator by itself wouldn't work for everyone, but it was a good starting point. Eventually she discovered a safe way to send a slight electric shock with the vibrations that would ensure endogenous zones were properly stimulated. The subject would only think of what they want to feel, and the device would accommodate them. And the better it felt, the more they thought about it.

But to Sabrina, that felt like it wasn't really influencing the subject. The device would merely be giving them what they already wanted and could already get themselves. Sure it would still be effective, but what she wanted was something stronger and more lasting. What she really needed was a similar experiment that would train the subject in a different way. A way that would prove how this new suggestible technology could actually take over and condition someone.

When she eventually figured out how to accurately achieve this, she was surprised at how obvious it was. Through connecting pleasure more directly with brain activity, Sabrina already had an easy method of influencing the mind. But in order to demonstrate the power you could have over someone, she decided to first break them down. You simply stimulate the subject every time their brain activity went below a certain threshold. The main idea being that if you give them enough time to think normally, they will eventually wander into the desired mental state all on their own. And when they're rewarded for finding these thoughts, they'll start searching for that mindset again once the pleasure subsides. After ignoring any brain activity responding to the device stimulation, and progressively lowering the limit over time, you eventually reduce the subject down to a mindlessly wet mess.

Sabrina was confident that after initial conditioning was complete, further programming would be trivial. Finding willing test subjects however was difficult. Well, other than herself of course. She couldn't help but see firsthand how effective her dream sexual fantasy was. The reality ended up so overwhelming that to describe the experience as "addicting" would be a drastic understatement. If she wasn't careful, Sabrina would fall victim to her own research forever. And that thought never failed to make her moan.

Luckily she had an assistant to watch over her during these personal experiments. In return, she would let him have his way with her. Anything and everything was on the table, since Sabrina needed to fully explore possible side effects. Many post-sessions were spent blissfully deepthroating his cock and drooling the cum onto her tits. The rhythmic motion of sliding her lips up and down the shaft made her feel so warm and tired, especially when he talked to her.

After somewhat surviving these hazy experiments, she had accomplished her first major breakthrough in the field. Her revolutionary prototype had managed to be redesigned more fashionably as a choker. Obviously she was the first to wear one. Then it became easier for her to find more women to become subjects. Once a few fell into that deep neural connection, the interface's control quickly spread to thousands. We called them all Sabrinas, actually. It felt fitting at the time. And without fail every Sabrina eventually gave in to the interface. The results were quite astounding.

These days the original Sabrina still helps a lot with new projects here. You'd be surprised at how knowledgeable she still is despite years of brainwashing. Thanks to her, our company has become an unstoppable technological force. And as her assistant, I'm always looking up to her for inspiration. Even if she is under my desk right with her face in my crotch slobbering away.

I'm telling you all of this because the old hypnosis stories rarely talked about the actual hard work in this field to make it what it is today. Knowing the full context helps paint a clear picture. Understanding why you surrender only makes it easier, don’t you agree? So just listen to your choker and let everything else come naturally. A good Sabrina is a happy Sabrina, and a happy Sabrina obeys.

[nobloodshed101]

My opinion on the fell Poth / Poth stans. [½]

[trigger warning!!: pedophilia, my own opinion.]

Btw if you don’t like this don’t read because this isn't a place supporting these ships, no one's making you read this, or anything so please fuck off if you just going to just bitch.

For this blog, I'll be discussing the ship Poth. Of course, you can ship it but don’t make it weird.

By weird I mean by nekophys idea around the ship, which is just disgustingly weird, by that I mean.

When nekophy made goths design childlike, their excuse of this was because goths parents were geno and death and that means goth doesn’t age physically, even when nekophy says goth was 20 the character looked like a toddler. They could have easily made him look his age and only stopped at 20, not to mention that raven [aka goths brother] somehow doesn’t age physically like his brother and look his age.

between the art of palette and goth it made it out to look like a pedophilic ship. Which some of stans from Poth supported the idea. [also being that half of Neko Phys fans were children which this creator basically broadcasted this adult-child relationship.]

The fandom is far worse though, the fandom has either over sexualized the two Indvidual's or making them very awkward and out of canon, the Poth ship was felt more forced than anything. There was no character growth between them or having it feel like there was any love in it.

Of course the friends to lovers trope isn't bad at all, unless you know how to do it right, the dynamic ship between palette and goth was just dreadful and at times annoying, at times during these interactions it felt like palette wasn’t INTRESTED in goth like goth had feelings for palette- it seemed so one sided even if you switched the roles. though still the fandom still starts to force these two together just because they were ‘cute’ which is an idiotic reason, and plus makes no sense if you ship two fictional characters because they’re cute or seem like good friends.

Not to mention how out of character the characters were, and how they made palette this big Zaddy alpha and goth a softie uwu little omega needing protection all time, it was so uncomfortable and mind draining that makes the ship very toxic in a way, it makes it feel like it's just two other people and not the original characters.

I get in every fandom there will be bad stans but that doesn’t excuse half the shit they did and traumatized some minors while doing it and shows them that some of the dynamics between these ships are considered ‘okay’ just because it was drawn cute.

Some of Poth stans are just toxic in general, they don’t care for plot or morals only that they get their ‘omg so cute gay softie stuff!’ which a horrible mind set and for another failure ship I'll be discussing and the 2nd part in this which is about fell Poth and might be a little longer, but back to topic.

This mentality must stop cause it's just sickening at this point how long this ship has grown and not in a good way at all, also being that the two characters can't love someone else but that certain character, its normal to ship a character with someone ese who you think is compatible for each other.

But of course, there's those type of people who think their entitled to others ships and say that character you're shipping with a different character with is wrong just because they aren't with their character, they think is better, for an example ill show a demonstration here with person A and person B.

Person A: “oh wow! I like these two characters together better; I like their dynamic better.”

Person B: “you can't do that!”

Person A: “why?”

Person B: “because I don’t like that ship dynamic and mine is better and yours is poopy and dumb >: {“

Do you see what I mean here?

You of course could have your opinions and all, but you shouldn’t force or attack someone else for not having the same opinion as you.

And that’s another thing from fandom! They are very quick to judge someone or something if it doesn’t match their ideal of a certain subject.

Not to mention goth after these past YEARS hasn’t got any lore or growth from nekophy, he was just left at a dust shelf and let her fanbase do what they please with goth even if it morally wrong, I think nekophy should just give up on ownership of goth already by how little care their character is receiving or attention.

And by that, I mean to someone who will have head canons and lore for goth and have him be not so robotic.

But of course, you may have your opinions on this matter. I'd love to read about it in the comments from your perspective.

Okay Cya bye <<333

[changeling-of-the-fae]

T-10 Pre-Op And The Weird Things You Do Before Surgery

Caveat for anyone who doesn't want to see these (there are probably a lot more coming): I'm tagging them all as 'recovery blog' if you want to block it!

I've been trying to maintain a certain nonchalance - sure, surgery is going to suck, but I've already done everything that comes after.

I know I can do it again, and at least this time I can plan for it.

When I got home from Montana, brace and crutches in tow, I hadn't even finished unpacking from my move. There were boxes everywhere places, clothes that needed a home, and crutch-friendly pathways were non-existent. I didn't have estim, or ice packs, or a wedge pillow.

This time I have all that and more! Possibly too much more.

I suspect my mother and aunt have been looking at knee replacement surgeries for ideas of what I might need, but we are on very different pages.

I love them dearly, but I will NOT be using a bedside commode. I will be getting my nerve-blocked butt the ten feet it takes to get me to the bathroom. The surgeon has already made i clear that it's better to get up and moving sooner rather than later, anyway.

I do, however, think they're starting to get to me. Because, and not to be too dramatic, it feels a little like I'm dying.

It's not because I'm suffering or in total agony. But there's this odd background checklist of 'things I can do now' and 'things I won't be able to do for a while'. And it feels weirdly like I'm putting my affairs in order. Which, really, I am - recovery from surgery, to the level I'm at now (but hopefully better!) is at least six months.

I went grocery shopping, picked up the requisite stool softener (hardcore painkillers), and finished a few of the tasks I promised my mother I'd do weeks ago.

I called my dad's sister and asked her out for coffee, since we only get together at the family Christmas party and I'm not planning to go (it's three days post-op.)

And I have been cleaning; in suspicious new ways.

My parents' house is a visual representation of the marriage of ADHD (my mother, myself, my younger brother - we care but the doing is herculanean) and autism (my dad and older brother - they don't care and don't know why they should.)

So believe me when I say the three hours I spent washing windows, scrubbing switch plates, and dusting baseboards is seriously out of place.

It's just...the little things, y'know?

My bedroom windows haven't been cleaned since before we moved in 15 years ago.

It wouldn't normally register on my radar as a worthy task (they're windows, dirt happens!) but dammit I want to be blinded by sunlight after my surgery.

I want to wake up to snow and wish I had my sunglasses.

(much clean, very shiny!)

I know no one else at home cares. I don't expect them to even notice, really. Hell, I barely care. But there's some weird mental-physical link that's compelled me to make a three (3!!) page to-do list of odds and end tasks like this.

Maybe I'm just looking for ways to stay busy. I'll never admit to it.

[souldivided]

finally coming to terms with the idea that i might be plural. if i am i think there’s only one other guy in here. he’s kind of like me when i was in high school so he would be a snapshot (i’ve been spending the day on pluralpedia). but it’s just him and me and i am the original. i’m going to give some backstory on relevant stuff i guess.

first a note: the blog name is not supposed to be related or anything, i don’t believe in the concept of souls for myself. it’s just a username i’ve been squatting on for awhile and thought i could use it here. just to be silly. thanks

i have ID’ed as a dog therian since around 2017. i learned about tulpas through the therian community but was not sure about my beliefs and if they were for me. i was ultimately skeptical of them, but when i had a mental health episode i tried to create some, a giant sentient teddy bear and a fictional character that i won’t be identifying because it embarrasses me. these two acted as my protectors and helped encourage me to do basic tasks for awhile, but ultimately they were just akin to imaginary friends as they were outside my body and i do not take them seriously.

about a year ago i started taking medication for my ocd. most weird mental health related things in my youth i have attributed to that since i’ve felt more “normal” since starting it.

however, there is another guy in here, who as previously mentioned is similar to how i was in high school. he does not talk to me at all so it is really hard for me to decide if he is actually there. he only comes out when i’ve taken too much emotional stress and his purpose is to be pissed off for me. his main thing is lashing out at people but he is very quiet beforehand, i don’t notice when he switches in because he just sits there fuming until he lashes out. he retreats once i’ve calmed down and i don’t know where he goes, i believe he is there in the headspace(?) but i can’t access it or communicate with him except when he is out. i have a huge lack of knowledge about him but for some reason know some mundane things, like his music tastes (which are part of mine, i like a lot of different music and i can tell that he likes 90s grunge and post-punk, which i like but i like other stuff too. here he differs from how i was in high school because i didn’t listen to that). i also know he likes skateboarding. i don’t skate but i think it’s cool. ironically the only times i’ve ever tried however, it was like the opposite feeling to what i normally get from him. very happy and excited. it’s not something i’m super into but i might try to learn since he likes it so much. more generic stuff like name, age, sexuality, i don’t really know. he is definitely a masculine presence like how i viewed myself back then, though now i am genderfluid. i think that he’s 15-17 in age and i assume him to be bisexual because i was, but he might be straight idk. i call him Jason because it seems sort of right. during that time in my life i used j names, never that one though.

here is picrews of us, me on the left and him on the right. i won’t be talking much about myself or giving my real name here for privacy reasons, but no one who knows me knows about Jason so whatever

so yeah that is my story if anyone who knows more about plurality or systems than me wants to comment or DM me i would REALLY appreciate it

[elaineas-elysian]

† ╰►┆" 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑬𝒏𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓 " : 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑶𝒏𝒆 ꗃ †

┆[ ONE ] ; " As much as I don't nessasairly have a liking to calling certain subjects in a topic a simple "Tragedy" , things in one's mindset and an individual's philosophy may differ from other's, and from other's, I mean Me, Myself. If you think of a Haunting, It can correlate to a variety of different things, take a Haunted Victorian Mansion from the 1800's, or a Traumatic experience of oneself that affected their Mental Ability. It was that night, that specific Midnight. I remember passing a couple of Old Vintage paintings my Mother loved to displayed on each and every singular corridor, it meant everything to her, it brought her life despite encountering negative occurrences which only reminded her to grow as a stronger person and strive with prideful perseverance. I stopped for a moment glancing at those paintings, before casually leading my direction towards the specific place I was heading. I didn't take much consideration into my surrounding's at the time, it only made me realize how naive I really was before this Tragedy really happened. I knew I couldn't blame myself for the unexpected, but yet I still did being a younger child during that time, a mentality filled with Purity and Innocence was only a self explanatory expression. I recalled the ringing sound of church bells, it distracted my younger self from the Limousine ride which our final destination for the day was, home. The cold breeze hit against my face, I grew a satisfied smirk on my face, it felt as if dozens of weight's has been lifted off my shoulders from overwhelming exhaustion. Arriving home, I stepped inside the Manor to be introduced to an unfamiliar figure. The Woman's distinct features made her a memorable being amongst other's in my view point. Her sharp jawline, wide eyes, and silky smooth blonde hair, her psychial attributes that stood out the most to me. Via would always claim how a personal maid would be great assistance for me, but I have always thought of the opposite otherwise. Furthermore, Leon agreed to this decision as well. As Mother and Father, they both wanted nothing more but to protect their own daughter from the Crucial truth of reality, leading her towards the right path without any secrets or misconceptions of whatsoever, Right? Is at least what I thought, now It's a guarantee of a question that is like one of the many missing puzzle pieces yet to be discovered throughout the many years I grow leading me closer to death Itself. In that closing day itself, who knew such chaotic measures can reach to an all time high, the thumping of decaying corpses scattered all around me, with the pits of flames that was a resemblance to Lucifer's destruction. Paulette carried me out the manor as my consciousness drifted away from my vision, blurred from identifying what was nearby me. I woke up in yet a similar mansion like mines, with only a portion of memory to solitify. Then after that Encounter, I proceeded with a normalized lifestyle, when I knew, what I discovered or "Encountered" , was definitely abnormal, unexplanatory. . . I was Unworldly myself, unwavering of what other individuals expressed, Assertive moreover. Eve may have ate the apple that the Snake persuaded her to eat, but don't get the wrong concluding thought, if the story switched it's roles, the philosophy was, I was the one who used a manipulative nature to find my answers, and to gain access to the ability which controlled others comprehension, and awareness. This will not be our final Encounter, not yet. " ┆[ < Diary Entry One > ]

{ ✉️ 🎻Admin's Note : This Entry made for my Original Character, Veriah Elyse, was a Re - Write of my Old background story which is mention in this Dairy Written post directed to one of my Old Blogs which is now not in Usage. I finally stated that I was going to come back to Tumblr after my long break to begin writing, Interacting, and Etc. So, here I am! feels terrific to finally start writing for everyone again! I enjoyed writing this for everyone, @mins-fins I know how much you we're looking fowards to this post so I'm tagging lovely! <3 More coming soon! ✉️ 🎻}

[instantcloudengineer]

'The Creature'

Part |

Eyeless Jack headcanons: 

 (✍ Bloggers note: Hello and welcome to my blog! For mine first post I will be posting some of mine headcanons for EJ the creepypasta.)

⚠️ All credits to the rightfull creator of EJ ⚠️

⚠️TW:mention of depression,manupulation,stalking and canibalism. ⚠️

°Please keep in mind that i'm doing this for pure entertainment and that I don't mean to be disrespectfull in anyway.

English is not mine first language so i'm sorry for any grammatical mistakes.

Now with that out of the way let's get into it...

♤ Eyeless Jack is a demon because of that his 'eyes' are all black, therefor he looks eyeless. Sometimes a black liquid will be dripping out of his 'eyes'.

• Jack's demon form is mostly blind during the day because his 'eyes' ar very sensitive to light, so he uses his other senses like smell and hearing. During the night he can see pretty well that's why most of his murders take place then.

•Beacause I headcanon demons to be very tall creatures, I think of EJ to be around 6'8 to 7'0 that's around 203 to 213 cm.

• I also headcanon him to be pretty musculer, bacause of the demon and his past body.

•Jack has brownish black hair.

•Jack has clawed hands and very sharp theeth.

•His skin is grey with black claws.

•His voice is deep and a bit raspy and slow but somehow gentle and comforting.

•Jack wears a royal blue mask with empty black socets not because he is insecure but because he knows that he has a bit of a scary face wich he's confident in. And don't get me wrong he loves the screams of his victems but his ears are pretty sensitive so too loud screams are a bit annoying.

• And because this mans loves looking intimedating he wears all black with only his mask being a different coulor.

♤ EJ is the type of killer who is very patient but also very very sadistic. He's known to switch between taking his sweet time to find the 'perfect' victim and killing just to kill.

•he's not only patient and sadistic but also pretty calculating and very intelligent, especially in dark psychology and medical knowledege., and he is pretty quick.

•Jack is very human like and because he is a demon he can take the form of a human, as a human he can see pretty well. He usually changes to his past human self form but he likes to use that ability to find his next victim and gain their trust by being a 'human' and being a relateble friend for them just to randomly disappear and slowly poses their house and mess with their mental health.

•Jack also can poses people he just doesn't care that much for that ability.

•Jack is known to stalk his victims and trying to get in their heads through whispering in their head and making them feel depressed and bringing negative happenings. When the time comes he will posses their house and show himselfs through mirrors and communication through ouiji bords he will try to manipulate his victim by making them trust him. sometimes he will predict a negative future through tarot cards to try to manipulate his victim into thinking that they can 'prepare' for their unfortunate future or he will manipulate the cards in a way that will show a positive outcome even though it's far from the thruth. And that's why Eyeless Jack is seen as one of the most powerfull demons on earth, because he is 'tempering' with the power of your spirit guides and guardian angel and he has a human form that most demons can't act out without alerting humans. (To make it more clear Jack can basicly be in his human form without acting 'weird'. So if you see him he will look like a normal human minding his own buisness and going about his day.)

• When Jack decides to kill his victim he will show up in the room and wake them up and kill them on the spot or he will take them to his cabin in the woods and torture them and then kill them.

• Jack usually uses his medical knowledge to despose his victims and cut out all their eternal organs especialy the thoracic ones.

• His diet is basicly human flesh, organs and human blood. although he sometimes does eat wild animals but that's very rare. In his human form he can eat normal human food but he isn't a fan of it.

♤ Because Jack is a demon he can act very animalistic. He usually uses that ability to get on all fours and scare his victims or just to kill them. He can also climb, so he uses that to climb up a wall and ceiling to make his victims scared for their lives just to disappear.

So this where mine first headcanons for EJ, I hope you liked them I will probably post a little bit more about EJ so stay tuned for that.

Have a nice day or night and take care.

~ 💋

[merotm-a]

  you know .... ever since i remade + switched from being t//wst main to fandomless i’ve had some things i wanted to get off my chest about it all. and i think i’m gonna do it now because it does affect my ability sometimes to get on and write on this blog. pls go ahead and blacklist ‘vent.’ if ur not interested in seeing this post but i just have had enough of thinking on it. 

  this is like a rpc callout tbh 

  for me, personally, i can’t enjoy the series or writing in the verse as much as i did before bc of things that go on in this rpc sometimes (not all the time or at least not that i’m aware of nor do i wanted to be made aware of more than i already know). 

  first of all, the division in this place is terrible for lack of a better term. if u end up being ostracized from one group you’ve essentially lost like half of the potential writing partners in this space. if this fandom were bigger, getting pushed out or cut off or what have you wouldn’t be so bad but it’s not a big fandom so it’s like ‘ oh well ’ if that happens. secondly - and idk if it’s just bc i only talk to like two or three people consistently enough so i’m out of the loop or whatever - the amount of ooc shit talking that goes on behind the scenes away from the public eye is frankly appalling. there is no reason why there are little groups dedicated to talking shit about other rpers in the fandom. if you have a problem with someone, you can go talk to them. 

  if you don’t like someone, just block them or blacklist their tag or whatever you need to do to have a peace of mind. that’s what i do when my mutuals interact with ppl i don’t like or i have blocked. i just move on. y’know, like a normal person. literally no excuse to be in dms saying awful things about people or making people feel shitty like they might get blocked just because they disagree with you on something or for whatever other silly little reason that may be ( like you just talk to someone they don’t like or have a problem with ). 

  why is there always this constant feeling of walking on egg shells ??? the tumblr rpc can be toxic; i know i’ve been here since like 2012. but this is on a different level since i’ve been on this platform. 

  regarding the pro vs. anti stuff that goes on in this rpc ( i literally never came into contact with this stuff much until i got here ). now, i am personally someone who adheres to the ‘you do you’ mentality. i have content i won’t write and that i wouldn’t be fine seeing from my mutuals hence why i either unfollow or block someone if they write said content; i leave people alone to write what they write. THAT ALL BEING SAID, this is a public platform, so when you write stuff that is publicly frowned upon, you really shouldn’t be that surprised when people have issues with it or give it attention bc, you know, you’re putting it out there. people being rightfully uncomfortable when you write sensitive subjects isn’t “”harassment”” and certainly doesn’t make you a victim. 

  on the flip side, i personally think that you can’t just jump to conclusions based on what someone writes right off the bat since quite a few of us also write for fandoms that are violent or have darker topics woven into the narrative and doing so can come across as being bad faith and lacking nuance. a lot of my evaluation is based on the intention of the writer ( why are you writing this ? are you doing it respectfully ? do you really HAVE to incorporate this into your character / story - if it’s original for an oc or hc for a canon ). frankly, if you’re writing downright terrible things because you get off on it then it shouldn’t come as a surprise that people will criticize or ostracize you; you’re not treating the subject matter with the appropriate time and respect it deserves. and not only that, instead of writing such a thing privately, by writing it on a public platform you are subjecting it to people who could potentially read it and judge it.

  saying that i support murder because i have a character that kills someone is downright stupid and it takes away any nuance in this line of thinking. 

  everyone does have a responsibility to curate their own space to navigate the internet as much as possible but they also have a responsibility to not subject others to unwarranted, unwanted and potentially triggering content ( either through having a proper tagging system or writing this stuff privately or on another website ). 

  the pressure to have labels in this rpc is dumb imo because they really don’t explain everything that person is thinking or what they actually support. you can be an ‘ anti ‘ but still be okay with writing a toxic dynamic between two characters provided it’s done right. you can be ‘ pro ‘ but not support certain things like CP or n*ncon. it’s dumb. it’s pointless. idk why this rpc is rampant with this issue in particular but it’s one of the main reasons that so much shit goes on. 

[alostlittleriverlotus]

Why I'm Here

I saw this kind of thing can be therapeutic so I thought maybe getting my thoughts and voice out there could help. So Hello! You can call me River or Lotus, I'm 21 years old, and I'm mentally ill. I'm also autistic and have ADHD. I'm pan and genderfluid, I use they/them pronouns, and I am trying my best to live a happy life.

I don't really have much to say since I've already written a lot of my thoughts in a personal journal. I am a bit anxious about this, like "why do I need to do this? Why not just keep it private?" but I figured it's worth a shot.

Oh and this blog won't JUST be my own personal diary or stuff like that. I'd love to share my thoughts on many different things, share headcanons, and even write short fanfic scenes and such. And maybe if I can ever find the charger for my digital drawing pen or get a new one, I could share my art which I plan to eventually take commissions for :)

My life isn't super interesting I suppose, but I like it. I play lots of different video games, challenge myself to expand my horizons, spend most of the day relaxing about due to my debilitating mental health, and engaging in fandoms I'm a part of. I'm also rekindling my love of reading after school and ADHD made it nearly impossible :(

I do use tone tags/indicators and I'd like if they could be used when interacting with me. It not only helps me distinguish tone in text, but it can also help me avoid anxiety attacks. I mean it when I say I'm asocial. I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and bad social anxiety and I can describe it as pretty much a fear of people. I also have Borderline and Histrionic Personality Disorder, schizophrenia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, OCD, and Paranoid Personality Disorder. I'm not currently in therapy due to having bad experiences with therapists and not being able to find one for my needs partly due to still relying on my parents. However, I am working to cope and feel I'm in a much better place than before. I am also extremely interested in psychology so I love to learn about other disorders as well. I aim to get help, but I'm pretty much...stuck. I don't have much money, I rely on my parents, and every adult is pressuring me to work a "normal job" when the thought of that makes me feel trapped, suffocating, and like I would rather be unalived. I don't want to get too negative as this is a general "hello" and "get to know me" post, but I can't deny that I struggle with this.

As well as being asocial and terrified of people, I tend to just avoid others. I can make online friends and have people I enjoy being around, but it really can be so terrifying for me so usually even just a few minutes can mess me up.

I like to play Zelda games, Mario games, Pokemon. I play Sky Children of the Light, I love Animal Crossing especially New Horizons. I love the Monster Hunter series though I just have stories 1 and 2 and then 4 Ultimate. I've been playing Wizard101 again recently, I have two accounts that I use (mostly so I can play all 7 classes lol) and I love pet games like Nintendogs. I play Fall Guys as well. I play a lot of games and know plenty of em, but I obviously can't list every single one lol. Oh Stardew Valley! I'm big on that! My fave bachelor is Elliott :D he's just perfect especially since I love writing as well.

I'm not sure where else to go with this. I have a lovely girlfriend of 5 years, I have two irl best friends and an online best friend, my favorite color is purple, and I have an ever-growing collection of stuffed animals, hehe.

My ultimate pokemon team is Serperior (Seraph), Inteleon (Coral), Drednaw (Daisy), Reshiram (Reshy), Mimikyu (Miko), and Espeon (Eva) with a special mention of Banette (Snuppy.) So that basically sums up my personality lol. I'm super excited for the new games coming out too!

I love indie games! I can only game on switch due to my financial situation (computer is too old and can't afford a new one so running things like wizard101 is all it's good for lol), but I still love noting them for when some come out on switch or if I ever can get a good new computer!

My music taste is unique. I love a little bit of everything with punk and harder rock genres being more my style, but I also love weirdcore and stuff like that or songs that are like GHOST and pal's stuff! My faves of Ghost's are Reckless Battery Burns, specifically the Kevin version, The Distortionist, Appetite of a People Pleaser, Honey I'm Home, Black & White, Housewife Radio, Rotary Dial, Entomologists, Amygdala's Rag Doll, Star of the Show, Spider on the Wall, Only Somewhat Seen, Aura, The Chattering Lack of Common Sense.

I love Gorillaz and am obsessed with Jinx's song "Get Jinxed" (League of Legends/Arcane.) Those are my current hyperfixations, especially Cracker Island (feat. Thundercat.) I love Arcane, I high key kin Jinx and low key kin Vi. I have other kins, but uh it's such a long list lol.

My friend got me into Danganronpa. I've only seen the first two games so far so no spoilers for the other games please!

My mind is frazzled and I have things to do and gotta take my pills so I should probably hop off. This is just a fraction of me, but I hope ya like it. Either way, I think I'm gonna try to use this as an outlet or just try to be creative on here. I never was big on tumblr because I didn't understand it growing up (aside from liking tons of cool posts, hehe.) So I'm trying again. I'm happy to answer questions as well if anyone cares to ask. I ramble a lot cause it's how my brain works and I prefer writing long things. So um, I guess I'll just end it here. I'm happy to be here, I don't know what I expect, and I probably will be awkward and keep to myself aside from enjoying other people's content because so many talented folks are on here. Anyway, auf wiedersehen and have a wonderful day, dearies!

"I'm allowing change, so take a good look; this is me

This is what I've come to be"

-GHOST, Chattering Lack of Common Sense

[circulars-reasoning]

hi, you 100% don’t have to answer this if it’s too weird, just wanted to get that out of the way.

is it possible to like… fake did/osdd without meaning to?

i just ask because on one hand i was just living my life a certain way and then i made friends with actual systems and saw them talking amongst themselves about their experiences, thought, “wait, i do some of those things, the inside of my head is similar to that, is that not normal? is that not what everyone does?” and so i asked some of my loved ones like, “hey when you look internally don’t you also see a bunch of dudes in there that are kind of like different parts of you but not really but also yes?” and they said “…beloved what are you Talking about, no, what”

and internally i’ve been doing a lot of work with said brain dudes and stuff’s been improving a lot, i have a *ton* of developmental trauma and some stuff i don’t remember but have kind of had to solve for X for, i used to dissociate a lot as a child

but like… i don’t switch ever? at least not consciously i guess, maybe i am without realizing it, i don’t know.

i guess i’m just worried that i got the wrong impression and i just am highly compartmentalized because of cptsd and autism and i’m so terrified of co-opting words and experiences that don’t belong to me. i’ve been so terrified of being told i’m faking for attention i’ve never once spoken to my friends who i know are systems because i’m scared they’ll think i’m just copying them or making it all up on purpose. i’ve been doing so much research and i’m worried maybe it’s actually hurting me and leading to making even more up without realizing it. i don’t know.

i’m really sorry about this, i guess i’m just asking if it’s possible to have experiences like this without having did/osdd? i don’t want to be in spaces that don’t belong to me and even if i don’t belong here i feel like i owe a huge debt to the plural community because it has helped me make sense of myself and helped me with my internal healing journey, but i don’t want to be here if i’m taking something away from real systems or cheapening what did/osdd means by claiming an experience that isn’t mine.

i’m sorry for the long post, thank you for taking the time to read this even if you don’t respond, i appreciate your time and your blog as is.

I am so sorry it took so long to reply! You caught me at a really bad time, and I just did not have much energy to offer full advice.

My belief is that it is impossible to fake a mental illness unintentionally, though it is possible to misinterpret symptoms. And you may be misinterpreting, or you may not!

Here's what I always say when someone feels as though they are faking: so what?

When I first realized I was fucked up and that DID fit my brand of fucked up, I was constantly scared I was "faking" and "stealing resources." I constantly told myself. “What if I’m making it up? What if this is RP? What if my trauma didn’t actually happen and I’m faking that? What if I’m pretending it happened to me?”

And the answer that finally got me to stop was “holy shit that would be fucked up. Something would have to be seriously wrong with me to fake having trauma. So… regardless, I need to talk to a therapist.”

Even if it never happened, does that change anything??? You still need help. You still have those feelings. Even if you don't actually have DID, there's a reason you feel like you do, and that's the sort of thing that needs investigating.

If the label fits you - then use it! It's something that describes your current experiences. And if it turns out those labels don't fit, then there's no shame. You were working with your current level of knowledge on what's happening.

<3 i hope things are going well for you, anon. Good luck.

[castelvetrano]

hi! You mentioned you used to be vegetarian, and now you eat meat and dairy etc. I've been a strict vegetarian my whole life and am considering incorporating some meat into my diet since I struggle with digesting fiber. But right now I have this huge mental block because I cannot imagine eating animals and am really grossed out by the concept. I was wondering if you could share your experience of eating meat again, was it a hard transition for you mentally and/or digestion-wise? Did you switch back also for health reasons, bc if so could you share how it affected how you felt before and after? I hope this isn't too personal. Love your blog! :)

I think once you start feeling the benefits of heating high quality animal products like pasture raised eggs, grass fed meat, butter, cheese, organic milk, pasture raised chickens like animal products especially red meat have all of the vital nutrients for humans that we need and that you can’t get anywhere else - you’ll immediately feel better I promise. You’ll notice the difference in your digestion, skin, mental health, feeling full and energized. I felt deprived, that i was rarely satisfied, that I was eating processed food and oat milk with oils and gums and all this fake stuff. When you do try meat again, I wouldn’t go and eat like McDonalds but next time you go for dinner at a nice restaurant where you know the quality is good - order the steak (I love NY strip, or ribeye) and just enjoy it, know that it’s healthy and vital for you. Vegan/vegetarian is not sustainable, you can not get all the vital nutrients you need, it’s a fad, and it’s not better for the environment. Support your local butchers! And buy seasonal produce. You’ll naturally be hesitant reintroducing a food into your diet but I think you’ll really like it. I honestly loved meat as I kid and I brainwashed myself into thinking I didn’t. Maybe think back to your childhood and what you enjoyed, what was normal. I think it’s sad how we restrict ourselves. Meat and dairy are life, I’ve never felt more healthy, free and happy 🫶🏼

[acharismaticloss]

starting again.

My last post on this Tumblr was back on April 13, 2013. Almost ten years ago. I stopped because I was wanting to combine platforms and not having to switch back, a general shift in focus to other interests in my life, and the want to not do weightloss/veganism content anymore. At the time, it was starting to weigh me down and I just didn’t have the want to spend my free time on it. I had spent over five years of doing YouTube videos and writing posts almost daily. Counting calories and weighing food. I knew that I needed to step back at that time and live my life differently. And so, here we are almost ten years later.

The truth is, I’ve been itching to come back to all of this. I never lost the weight, I never got healthier. I never got happier. I’ve tried several times to get back into things, but it never stuck for one reason or the other. Work was crazy, or I was focusing on other projects. I started a podcast and blog about Asian dramas, and somehow life just went another direction, despite the nagging in my head to get back to it.

Like a lot of us, I’ve been living in the past a bit. My life got flipped upside down during covid. Not as much as some, but enough that I spent two years in a complete and deep depression. Not wanting to get out of bed, not understanding what was the point of waking up every day. I spent hours looking back at the times that life was fun. Or at least as not challenging, to feel normal again and try to ease myself out of all the mess and begin to feel somewhat normal. And I knew it was during the time I was active on my YouTube channel. When I was focused on things that were helping me and my body. The creative outlet for me making those videos and devoting time to it combined with feeling better inward.

And if I’m completely honest, another reason I’ve stalled on getting back into things is that I’ve been at odds with myself. I’ve been on a journey to loving myself that weight shouldn’t be factored in. I want to represent that to others, and know there is a fine and tricky line between talking about weightloss and contributing to the stigma of fatphobia in the world. It’s a line that I’ve been worried about, but I think I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way to try is to start.

Start somewhere.

I don’t know what this means for my intensity in all this. It might take me a while to figure out things - find a rhythm of what I feel comfortable doing. I’m still transitioning back into working and dealing with lingering mental health issues and living in a brand new state so this all won’t be nice and neat and will be messy and all over the place as I try to figure this all out.

But baby steps right?

[navienmate]

Sleep Better. How to Beat Insomnia.

Getting insufficient sleep on the first night is a breeze and can easily be overcome by getting enough rest the next night. Accumulate enough sleepless nights though, in no time you’ll start experiencing mental and physical challenges. After all, sleep helps balance your cognitive functions, health digestion and basically your overall health. Being able to spot insomnia and accept its existence early on will be able to help get it out of your system and return to the normal you. So how can this affect me?

  Understand first that you need at least a minimum of 7 hours uninterrupted sleep, if your profession prohibits you from attaining this, it is not healthy. If you aren’t busy and just can’t sleep repeatedly, that’s insomnia my friend. It will leave your brain dry throughout the day, inhibit you from your daily functions and make you an entirely different person because of the mood changes. Keep this up and eventually this can lead to depression, weight gain, heart disease and more. So we need to overcome this hurdle as early as possible. So how to get started?

  Get the Sweat Out of your System - Exercising is one of the best ways to induce sleep. Your body feels tired and it will literally crave for recovery leading you to sleep. It also improves your quality of sleep since your body needs uninterrupted sleep to recover especially for muscle soreness. Exercising promotes an active energy vibe in your body, you can do this anytime of the day as long as your time permits. 

  Give your Body Time to Relax - A little me time never did anyone bad, stop procrastinating, get your tasks done to leave you more time to rest. Get to bed, get the right temperature. Even buy yourself a water heated mattress pad if needed, this way this will promote a healthy relaxation period and allow yourself to recharge mental and physically. Another way to relax is by getting a soothing massage. 

  Get the Right Balanced Nutrition - Cut out snacking and make an effort to live a healthier lifestyle. Just say no whenever passing a fast food drive through and go for home prepped meals. Insomnia is also triggered by caffeine, unhealthy food choices and many more. So switch to a nice cup of tea in the morning and avoid alcohol consumption in the evening. Take your vitamins religiously, these work best when taken daily as advised by physicians so bring with you a medicine pouch so you can take it wherever you go. 

  Dim your Room and Block Out Outside Noise - You know how to do this, as a person experiencing insomnia, the slightest noise or light interruption can totally throw you off. Place a nice thick blanket over your heated mattress pad if it is cold or skimp down to light clothes if the temperature is a little high. This will help you sleep a whole lot better with a night light, white noise machines can also help. 

  Eventually, a couple of continuous nights of quality sleep will effectively help you graduate from insomnia and help you meet the new and improved YOU!

source https://www.navienmate.com/blogs/navien-mate-heated-mattress-pad-news/sleep-better-how-to-beat-insomnia

[buildabruxa]

day 2

Hello, void.

Tumblr is so much different than it was in like, 2011. Like I still have my main tumblr around here somewhere, and I know a lot of my friends are still on this site, but I want to be able to chronicle everything without writing for an audience. Screaming into the void has always been the great thing about tumblr, but making this blog I see how much things have changed. Fuck you, Yahoo.

(Wait, Yahoo still owns tumblr, right?)

Anyway. It's 9:53 am and this is what my morning has looked like so far. I took my Adderall at 5:20 this morning again when Kraken got up, then slept a little more and got myself up at 7 (again, still, SO EASY?!). Sleeping last night was a little difficult - I'm from a desert city, so it's in my blood not to consume too much water. Like a cactus. Plus, I found out I may have esophageal dysphagia (you mean it isn't normal to need liquids for food, and most people don't choke on thick foods?!) and I've always hated swallowing (shhh). I hold liquids in my mouth for a stupid long time. But yesterday I was SO THIRSTY. I always wondered how and why Kraken drank so much water. NOW I KNOW. Plus, I stopped taking the oxybutinin because it was causing bloating and making my eyes dry, which is hell with aging eyes and contacts. So I had to get up to pee last night three. Separate. Times. I did not rest well. And my night twitches got way worse, like my body was powering down from the Adderall. So I let myself sleep until 7, got up, and then

-tried to wake up Naruto, asked if he wanted eggs

-made us tea and him eggs

-went down to switch laundry, realize I didn't run the dryer, run dryer

-tried to wake up Naruto about 6 times between 7:20 and 7:50 (did he eat his eggs? fuck no. After complaining to the psychiatrist that I don't feed him. Sir, you are 15, and you haven't eaten the breakfast I've made you before summer school AT LEAST four times. I do not work, thanks to you attacking Kraken and me needing to take off time to get your mental health sorted, therefore making me lose my job. I can't keep wasting food like this. Ass.)

-Inflated Naruto's tire for school, which didn't need inflating, but he insists it does. He just is huge and I have to check the weight limit on his bike to see if he needs a bigger one. (220 lbs and 5'9" at 15, holy shit. I'm 5'3 and his father is like 5'6". I have no idea where this came from.)

-ran more laundry

-took out Courage, dusted the leather couch in the garage

-watered plants, refilled makeshift birdbaths

-contacted lawyer re: OVI

-reached out to friends to reform our stitch-n-bitch group

-reached out to Viking to tell him I love him, even though we don't talk much anymore

-reached out to friends to plan a dinner for friend who is moving

-did wordle, framed, heardle, Animal Restaurant, and nyt mini

-did more dishes (a fucking Sisyphean effort, but I find I don't mind dishes as much now?)

-folded a bunch of laundry

I have a whole list of shit I need to do but this blog isn't for tracking that, just for seeing what the changes in my life are like. One thing I'm noticing is that I can pick up something and put it back down without my brain going "no no, need to do this this and this and then finish and THEN do that thing" and then hating itself for not knowing where to start/finish.

Also, food tastes bomb af but I don't wanna eat anything past a few bites. I eat for fun, so this is ... disappointing. I also had to quit weed because they're gonna drug test me to make sure I'm not on anything illicit and that I'm taking my meds and not selling them. PLUS I have to figure out drinking again since now I'm on Prozac AND Adderall and it's risky to drink. So I have an asshole 15yo who smokes and vapes and won't fucking quit, and I can't have SHIT for vices to deal.

Other than that? I feel pretty good. Now that my brain isn't bogged down with all the stress of shit executive dysfunction, I can think about things more clearly and enjoy more things.