#is this how platonic social interaction goes??? is it normal his name is the same as that one comfort oc i created as a young teen???

[robinsnest2111]

what does it mean when you're exchanging pics of your room decorations with a guy you briefly talked to at a gig lol

[saphirered]

Can you please to the EXU crew with a reader who’s very openly affectionate and loves PDA and cuddles and everything? Have a nice day, bye.

Hope this turned out the way you wanted. Have a nice day! 😘

(Dorian)

From the moment Dorian met you it was clear you were a very physical individual. The dead give-away being you offering him a hug upon first meeting you. He’ll have to admit he was a bit taken aback by this as usually in his circles meeting someone goes with the shake of a hand, a simple nod of the head or even a bow/curtsy. He happily embraced you in the literal and figurative sense.

The concept of holding hands, cuddling, a kiss on the cheek and such had always been something Dorian considered romantically affectionate but you opened a whole new world for him showing him these gestures can but should not be limited to romantic partners. As long as all parties involved are comfortable, why should the lack of romantic interests prevent you from engaging in these comforts? At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if you’re romantically interested or not. Even in a relationship it doesn’t change anything except that your affections may develop into something that does go a bit beyond what ‘just friends’ would engage in even by your standards.

Dorian is inclined to agree with you and even so early on, barely knowing you at all he found himself asking for hugs or just cuddle up on the couch after a long day, the gesture bringing a comfort he hadn’t experienced in a long time. When clear Dorian was comfortable with this new dynamic you’d ask him the same. Private or public makes no difference.

At first the remarks of “the couple being at it again” were met with a “shut up” from him. You’d learned to ignore these or brush them off. Not like you care but Dorian didn’t let it go that easily. Granted, he didn’t care either about what other people said or thought about your endless displays of affection, he has a need to have the last word. “If you’re jealous you could have just said so,” is a classic Dorian comeback in these scenarios.

(Orym)

You are everything Orym fears. Don’t get him wrong, you’re absolutely wonderful and he loves you but as someone who emotionally distances himself from his private matters in public circles, you go against everything ingrained in his person. It’s a hard habit to break away from so especially early on he’s a bit hesitant to engage in any public displays of affection preferring to keep his distance until you’re in a more private space.

This feeling really conflicts because he doesn’t want to deny you physical affection, he’d happily have engaged in were you not surrounded by other people. It takes some time but when he’s sure no one will notice Orym will lace your fingers together or place himself just a little closer to you. It’s a start that little by little sends him into the next step.

First time he cuddled up with you when the others were around he was bit awkward about it. Everything in him told him he shouldn’t but he fought the urge to retreat. First sitting next to you, then wrap an arm around you, placing his head against your shoulder. You of course were happy Orym took the first steps. You didn’t want to push him and allowed him to do things at his own pace to assure his comfort. He may have kept his eyes out awaiting whatever response the others would throw at him but they were silenced by your look of warning.

He’s still hesitant at times but will give you plenty of hugs and kisses and hold your hand in public. It’ll be a long road but he’ll get there. He knows he enjoys these displays of affection and so do you. He’s grateful for your patience and willingness to take things slow for his sake so he can see what he is and isn’t (yet) comfortable with. Without your gentle approach he doesn’t know if he’d ever have been able to not get awkward about engaging in displays of affection and without freezing up because of them.

(Fearne)

This faun is no stranger to displays of affection. She had a loving family, and if her interactions with Little Mister are anything to go by, they are a testament that Fearne at ease is a physically affectionate Fearne. At that point she never shies away from physical contact of any kind. She hadn’t in the past that is. Being sent to the Material Plane changed that a little bit. Fearne has a keen eye and caught on to the fact that people here are less like her in many many ways.

That’s what keeps Fearne a bit hesitant. Learning that you are just like her but the social constraints of others keep you more to yourself builds an instant connection. Displays of affection in more closed circles became second nature, and in public, being a six feet faun with insanely long green hair and flowers all over her person accompanied by a monkey already draws plenty of attention so how much worse could it be engaging in public displays of affection?

You draw many eyes as to be expected but less so because you’re holding hands or offering the faun a little kiss and more because of the odd pairing of the two of you next to each other. Especially in circles more knowledgeable of the Feywild they entertain the thought the faun must have you under some sort of spell. You’re definitely not under any spell.

Though, because you do love a bit of mischief sometimes you play along, you clinging to Fearne like some lovesick puppy, Mister playing his part just the same (he enjoys it a little too much) and your friends convincing people this is the most normal thing in the world and you’re always like this. It’s always funny to find out you’re both equally enamoured and laughing your asses off at giving people a bit of a fright.

(Dariax)

You accidentally kissed Dariax’s cheek as a thank you for helping you. You didn’t mean to but the dwarf wasn’t opposed either. Didn’t prevent a deep scarlet blush from spreading across his cheeks the moment your lips made contact. Cue an awkward at loss of words Dariax. This definitely doesn’t mean he doesn’t like the physical contact. If anything, he really enjoys it. He just got caught off guard and if anyone mentions his response to this particular incident he’ll argue he took it all cool and suave.

The realisation that you do not care about the circles you’re in when it comes to displaying affection is a godsend. Dariax is very much the same but he has a reputation to keep so he can’t just go over to someone and ask for cuddles. What might they think of the expert thief?! So the fact you’re totally cool with ‘initiating’ any kind of pda makes him happy because he still gets to play it off cool when people ask.

Out in public he’ll gladly hold onto you, provide kisses, lean into your side and more and you’re always more than happy to return the favour. It’s been a while since Dariax had anyone he could engage in this type of contact with so be prepared for him not letting you go unless you ask him. He’ll totally miss any social cues, too caught up in your comfort.

Cuddled up together in the back of the cart, sharing a seat, holding hands, kisses you name it and people will have seen it from the two of you. The others have gotten used to this dynamic between the two of you and while they don’t let the first incident go, the little comments made are all in jest and good spirit where they even occur between you and Dariax yourselves.

(Opal)

This girl… She is so touch starved. Ever since the falling out and her departure from her home town she’s been missing physical contact and what brief and few experiences she did get, were always fleeting. But then you came around and she latched onto you right away. All the hugs all the time, arm draped over your shoulders or waist whenever you’re standing or sitting in one place.

Opal started it but it soon became clear you were the same and returned the favour. She couldn’t be happier because while she’d be totally okay having this thing be one-sided and you just accepting this as her Opal-way she much prefers it when someone’s willing to put in the work. She’s a very physical person, so are you. Match made in heaven. You’re perfect together. Romance, platonic, who cares?!

Now don’t let her go off the rails too much because she can also be very demanding. Sometimes it takes a level head to keep things in check but you’re not one to resist a good cuddle even if that’s somewhere on a park bench in the middle of a city with hundreds of eyes watching you. You realise there is a time and a place and once upon a time so did Opal. She tends to get a bit caught up in the fact she finally has someone like that at her side again so you’ll have to remind her it’s not alway the right moment.

As much as you and Opal are physically affectionate people, Opal is also physically intimidating so if anyone dares to say anything rude about your pda she will not hesitate to cut a bitch. She’s a lover of attention so as long as the comments are light hearted she’ll smile and get just a little more sappy in her affection just for that reason.

[makiema]

Hi! About that one post about objectification in csm, what WAS the purpose? I didn’t think there was any, I thought Denji was that kind of person. I don’t mean this in a mean and derogatory way btw, I’m still kind of confused on some parts and trying to understand better! I just read it recently 😅

hiii anonie the purpose behind the objectification (and yeah you’re right in the beginning denji is a perv it’s not derogatory at all it is true) is to build up the Freudian motif in denji’s arc. this Freudian motif involves stuff Freud said about sexual attachment, repression and the blurring of boundary lines b/w sexual and platonic attachment in the absence of repression. im putting the explanation of how the motif works from the beginning till the end below the cut bc it got a little long

now the first thing we have to keep in mind is that denji is not only a boy who grew up in the absence of his mother so he doesnt know what motherly love/platonic love is he is also a social outcast, uneducated and extremely impoverished which makes him apathetic to society and in a sense, a little wild. so given that he is in puberty his sexual urges are well kind of at their height and also a new thing to him and he is never like schooled and taught to not project those urges onto random women. so ofc whenever he meets a new woman his libido and along w it his head just goes bonkers. now for normal people there’s actually layers of repression going on when it comes to the oedipus complex i.e. feeling a sexual desire for your mother [this is all freudian shit and its not like i believe all this but a large no of authors talk abt this so yeah dont think this is my opinion at all its just a popular psychology theory and also boohoo to freud for forgetting gay ppl] adolescent boys according to freud apparently have an oedipus complex on a subconscious level but thanks to repression [how does repression happen? in society (norms + moral codes) and thru social structures (family, school) we’re taught to separate b/w mother figures, sister figures, friends and lovers] the complex stays on a subconscious level; they don’t consciously project their sexual urges onto a girl who’s family (mother/sister) now contrast this with denji’s situation. none of the layers of repression actually happen in his case bc he never knew a mother and was completely cut off from society. so whenever he meets a girl despite their age or despite what kind of a bond might be possible b/w him and the girl in question he.....feels the need to do sexy stuff. however, over the course of the series we see this changing. first of all let’s sort out the different figures— makima (the mother figure) then power (the sister figure), then himeno (friend/superior figure) and then reze (the lover figure). denji’s bond with all these figures, in the initial phase, involved sexual and pervy stuff so basically a blurring of boundaries when it comes to different kinds of attachment. this same thing happens with shinji in evangelion with misato, rei and asuka. both denji and shinji are boys who never actually knew motherly love which makes it difficult for them to separate platonic and sexual attachment. for normal boys, this happens way before they interact with girls in society because a family structure, where they have a mother and perhaps a sister, teaches them how to distinguish platonic from sexual. so that’s why denji wants sexual intimacy with anyone and everyone and ends up objectifying them. but then in the end, he learns the difference. like when he feels up power but it feels empty. then when makima teaches her that there’s stuff outside “naughty stuff” which would give him emotional fulfilment. and then when he doesnt have sex with himeno because well he says its bc he wants makima to be his first but what he really means is what makima said about getting to know a person for emotional fulfilment prior to this got to him. he doesnt want random sex with women anymore. now he wants physical intimacy as long as there is emotional intimacy too and this happens with reze who is the real lover figure. after this we have the episode with power where they bathe together and theres that weird sex position (when power asks him to drink her blood) but denji says this doesnt feel sexy altho he knows power really well and theres an emotional connection so he learns to separate erotic love from familial love or sisterly love bc with power there is familiarity and comfort but no sexual desire. and in the end we have denji saying he really does love makima even after all that she has done and this time there is no fantasy panel of makima in lingerie cropping up in his mind. he only says he loves her. now this is a pure, platonic love that he feels for makima. it is the love someone has for their parent. makima + power & aki constituted his family (the social structure that puts a repression on wild sexual urges) if aki is the older brother and power the younger sister like makima said then makima is the mother. and this part was confirmed by fujimoto himself he says he named makima “makima” bc if we remove the “ki” it becomes “mama” which is what she is to denji [this is mentioned in the csm wiki] so, the love that he comes to feel for these three is indeed deeper than a frivolous kind of love or a momentary feeling of sexual attachment. also, in the aftermath, once he has grown enough to separate sexual from platonic, once he matures into someone who knows what empathy, affection and familial love is we see him get a daughter figure, Nayuta who is ironically the reincarnation of Makima, the first female figure denji felt sexually attached too. this is the poetic justice of the ending! we have a protagonist who’s fully outgrown his freudian attachment with a mother figure who took care of him and is now responsible for taking care of her instead but in the form of an adopted daughter. so the development kind of comes full circle. denji doesn’t objectify or crave sex with random women anymore and in fact now he’s matured enough to take care of a daughter with whom he has the purest platonic relationship and there’s no sexual connotation at work here like not even on the subconscious level. so yeah that’s why the objectification in the beginning was kinda necessary taking in consideration his pitiable position and also the development that happens through out the course of the manga. it also makes the conclusion to his character arc more potent and satisfactory :) 

[n-blanca-archived]

↳ CLASS 1-A HC’S TO MAKE YOU SMILE (hopefully) 

A/N: i’ve been on class-1a brainrot (yes, all of them. collectively) for SO LONG and honestly? I love it here. romance is all good and dandy but FRIENDSHIP? good shit. 

on that note, these pairings are all platonic! just little things i like about their dynamics or things i think they’d do when they hang out :) feel free to see them as romantic though, not like i can stop you :P

p.s sorry for dipping??? for like months???

genre: fluff

warnings: minor situational angst

→ Denki & Izuku

❑ These two boys are the other’s hype-man, totally. Kaminari absolutely does not mind sitting through Izuku’s ravings about the fluctuating hero rankings, or even just the times where Izuku mutters on and on. 

❑ Kaminari’s been ignored enough times to know that it doesn’t feel good at all to want to talk to someone and for them to sheepishly tell you they’d long since stopped listening. Izuku does the same for Denki, no question. Sometimes Denki starts talking, and he doesn’t really...stop. 

❑ But Izuku finds it’s nice to hang out with the boy, and he doesn’t mind not contributing to the conversation when Denki looks so elated to see someone listening for once. 

❑ While I will forever be the number one advocate for Bakugou tutoring Denki and finding different studying strategies that work for Denki instead of giving up on him, I think Izuku’s just as likely to do that for kami! 

❑ It’s a frustrating first session, but once Izuku’s brian suggests that Kami might just need another method of studying, he takes that idea and runs with it. 

❑ The next week, kami goes to Izuku’s room a little afraid of the freckled boy rejecting him- but to his surprise, Izuku presents him with all types of new study methods, including colored index cards and a home-made sentence reader that covered the entire page except for one line at a time.

❑ (yes, he did tear up for a second.) 

❑ They end up going through that week's chapter in half the time it usually took Denki to get a subject, and they got to play video games afterward! 

→ Ochako & Katsuki

❑ While I don't think the boys in 1-A look down on the girls in the sense of "but they're girls so they are weaker :(" all that much- Katsuki was the first and only one really to make that clear. He didn't see her as something or someone to pity. She was an opponent and a damn capable one at that.

❑ So, yes. Maybe Ochako and Katsuki aren't exactly best friends who'd die for each other. But they’ve proven to each other that if there's someone who'll bring their all to a fight no matter the circumstance, it's each other.

❑ Ochako’s weariness when it came to Katsuki was short lived. It was kind of hard to be so...afraid of someone who treated you better than others seemed to coddle her when she told them she was a hero-in-training. 

❑ It starts small, too. At first it was just teaming up occasionally during class for spars. Then it was going to the gym after school with Katsuki and Eijirou. 

❑ Tiny little hang-outs like that then turn into joining the blonde on his morning runs every once in a while, and eventually Ochako found herself seeking out Bakugou every weekend, and the blonde seemed to be on the same mind-track, too. Every Sunday, when Ochako pulled open the front door, she spotted Katsuki, stretching out in the front lawn, waiting for her. 

❑ (and if they occasionally have breakfast together after their bi-weekly sunday training sessions, then that's their business.)

→ Shouto & Eijirou

❑ them hanging out wasn't really ever. Expected. Like, at all.

❑ but kirishima's shown that he has a knack for weird, almost hostile awkward boys with low friend counts

❑ so shouto fits right in

❑ really it starts when Kirishima finds Shouto in the common room, staring into space. Usually he'd leave him be, but it was weird to see the boy without his group of friends joining him

❑ in an effort to get to know shouto better, kiri offers to play a few rounds of super smash bros,,, and shouto just. blinks. at him. And kiri blinked back for a second before he realizes shouto didn't know what super smash bros was

❑ and of course, to kiri, that's absolute blasphemy

❑ so kiri abandons his trip to the kitchen in favor of sitting next to shouto on the couch, and teaching him how to play as many video games as they could fit in one night

❑ (the first time kiri sees shouto laugh, he can't help the way his face splits into a grin. Todoroki, while not mean, was someone who came off as cold most of the time, so to see him so relaxed made Eijirou feel warm.)

❑ somehow it becomes a regular thing-- shouto would come downstairs, and eventually Kirishima would show up. Sometimes they were both alone, sometimes they were surrounded by their friend groups. But every time without fail, Kirishima would take his place next to shouto, hand him the blue controller that he favored, and turned on the TV to select the first game they'd be playing

❑ (watching Shouto start to gain some of Kirishima's vernacular was also an interesting - read:hilarious - experience)

→ Mina & Yuga

❑break dancing buddies

❑ like. I'm not kidding these two have moves.

❑ well. Mina does, at least. Aoyama gets it pretty quickly but it took him a second to familiarize himself with how your body moves when your break dancing.

❑ aoyama's danced ballet most of his life, so dancing wasn't new to him

❑ but this particular type of dancing was new to him- so of course he reached out to mina after the UA festival

❑ mina, ever the angel, agreed!!!!! Dancing buddies!!!

❑ Mina's also loved dance for a good amount of time

❑ it started in middle school, and just carried into highschool. The idea of being to express yourself with your /body/ was exciting, plus you looked really cool while doing it too!

❑ so when she gets asked by Aoyama to teach him how to breakdance she's nervous, but completely giddy to be able to be someone else's intro to a hobby that was a big part of her life

❑ it's not an uncommon sight to see mina and Aoyama, in their workout clothes, working through moves Step by step with Mina's phone blasting some random song that was beat heavy

❑ (Aoyama would be an interesting extra add on to the bakusquad. Am I wrong? No 🚗)

→ Hanta & Tsuyu

❑ Sero never really interacted with tsuyu, not to say he didn't like her! she just wasn't in his social circle

❑ so to say he felt awkward when he found her in the corner of the library during free period- curled up and sniveling away - was an understatement

❑ still, he put down the fourth issue of a manga he was /really/ looking forward to catching up on, and sat next to her until she calmed down enough to tell him what's wrong

❑ turns out, winter always sucked and made her tired, which made her sad. Added on to the already existing amphibian instincts in her that hated loud noises or too many people, it could get really overwhelming for her

❑ Sero offered to let her into his room whever she wanted to hang out in the quiet, if she felt embarrassed to do so with her closer friends

❑ she seemed surprised, but quickly agreed.

❑ Sero wouldn't tell her, but he often felt the same in a sense. The only two people in his friend group who could be relatively quiet in more personal settings were Bakugou, ironically, and Kirishima. So he often found himself leaving group hang-outs just a little early, to destress in his quiet room.

❑ tsuyu hadn't expected him to stay with her, and especially not offer his room to her whenever she needed to get away. Still, she agreed, knowing she'd probably never take him up on his offer

❑ she was proven wrong three days later, when Ochako squealed about...something.

❑ tsuyu couldn't say for sure what the floaty girl was yelling about. Normally she was attentive, really! But her head was throbbing and she was on the verge of falling asleep then and there when Ochako burst into a loud yell of excitement, startling the frog-like girl

❑ so tsuyu gathered her stuff as quickly as her sluggish body allowed, rushed out a quick goodbye to her baffled friends and made her way to the dorms

❑ the elevator was a struggle, with the humming of the machinery almost lulling her to sleep. She made it out successfully, though due to her drowsiness and increasingly blurring vision, she realized just a little too late that she had wandered down the wrong hallway

❑ sero's name plate made her stutter in her tracks, but after a moment of deliberation that left her swaying on her feet, she knocked as strongly as she could on the thin door, hoping the lanky boy was in his room

❑ thankfully, he was, and he only offered her a small smile before ushering her into the room and guiding her to his bed. Tsuyu thinks she croaked out a tiny "thanks", but she couldn't really be sure

❑ she slept better in those 39 minutes than she had in weeks

❑ after that, tsuyu somehow got into the habit of wandering down the opposite hallway once she left the elevator, and most of the time Sero would open his door when she knocked, only giving her a smile before letting her wander to his bed or, more commonly, the pile of blankets and bean bags he had in a corner of his room.

❑ (she wouldn't admit it, and neither would he, but the times where they walked back to his dorm together once their free period began were their favorites. and the days where tsuyu wasn't so sleepy and they talked for the hour they had weren't so bad, either)

okokok i’m cutting it here since that last section was super long! who knew i had so much to say about hanta and tsuyu ,,,, 

anyway! this was super fun, so i’ll definitely be doing stuff like this more in the future. if you have two characters you’d particularly like to see, don’t be afraid to jump into my ask box! 

[chrysalizzm]

i uh. realized people follow me now because of uh. you’re human tonight on ao3 asdjgfs

i have content!! behind the scenes content as promised. i do outlines for my fics as a general rule of thumb just because i personally can’t write things to a satisfying finish if i don’t Do That, and so - here are my chapter/plot outlines for you’re human tonight ^^ (i have no idea if this is interesting content or not i thought i’d put it out there because i think outlines are kinda fun hhhh)

chap 1 fundy

subtitle: an inkling

fundy makes an iron golem gone wrong, dream makes it go boom

chap 2 purpled

subtitle: uh oh social interaction

purpled shelters a fugitive, gets his house explosion-proofed as thanks

this is probably gonna be the only chapter with a funny title hh oh well

update: it’s not and i’m pleased with myself for branching out with my dry humor

chap 3 sapnap

subtitle: dust to dust

sapnap’s dying via wither effect, and he knows respawn’s around the corner but goddamn if it doesn’t hurt til then. dream skids in around the nether fortress corner, drops all his weapons cradles sapnap’s head in his hands, has always taken death much harder than anyone sapnap’s ever met. at the last few seconds, when death creeps up like a shroud, dream starts to hum to him hoarsely, pressing his forehead to sapnap’s, and in the final moments sapnap doesn’t hurt at all. the last thing he hears is dream whimpering. he visits dream’s bunker the next day, knocks on the door over and over, but there’s no sign of life there. sapnap shrugs, bites his lip out of guilt for forcing dream to sit there watching him die (if temporarily), and moves on.

the chapter that introduces dream’s primary ability of soothing hurts. put a lot of emphasis on the fact that sapnap ached up until the moment dream started humming, because for dream to do that is pretty frivolous considering once sapnap died he’d respawn and the hurt would just disappear but dream wanted sapnap to have a peaceful last few seconds. emphasize how abnormal it is that withering stops hurting. 

chap 4 ponk

subtitle: beaches dry of sugarcane

dream visits ponk after george burns down the first tree. when ponk arrives to the second tree to move in, he realized dream made the tree flourish, grow healthier and bigger. 

chap 5 sam

subtitle: fuck this shit i’m out (edit: the official subtitle is “oh god oh fuck”, i changed it last-minute)

dream picks sam’s brain for manhunt strategies while the latter is mining for redstone. sam stumbles upon a spawner and reels back, trips, nearly misses the moment dream sweeps him behind him and his eyes flash beneath the mask and when sam gets back up, dazed, there’s nothing but the splay of cobwebs all over the walls. 

chap 6 punz

subtitle: lines drawn

in an unrelated skirmish, punz drives his sword up to the hilt in dream’s chest, relying on respawn for dream to not feel any pain and for punz to get paid. dream doesn’t die. this is understandably alarming. 

can we get some funnies in chap? just a few laughs?? a lil funny for mr luke punz man?

can we get some panicky dry humor for real tho because punz strikes me as someone who copes with morbid humor and dream spluttering up blood is def a situation that punz would not know how to deal with

chap 7 wilbur

subtitle: so about that date

wilbur makes platonic moves on dream while dream fake texts his fiance under the table. wilbur also accidentally vents to dream about his little brother tommy and how afraid he is that tommy will get himself hurt for how reckless he is. dream siphons some of his anxiety from him, smiles as they depart from one another. wilbur notes that dream is shaking when they leave. 

chap 8 skeppy

subtitle: get wrecked noob

dream walks skeppy through some pvp. when skeppy demands a rematch w tommy and gets a lil stage fright kinda sorta thing, dream siphons his anxiety and his nerves and goes full soccer mom with bad and skeppy loses 5-2 but like!! he won!! against tommyinnit!! HH

is there any mental image nearly as powerful as dream wastaken, the soccer mom

chap 9 jack

subtitle: mandatory volunteering

after tommy goes on another one of his destructive rampages lmao, dream enlists jack, newest-comer, to help him rebuild stuff bc underclassmen have to do whatever upperclassmen tell them to do thems just the rules. after rebuilding a statue near the community house, dream pats it fondly, and when tommy sneaks back to set in on fire for shits and giggles, he finds that it’s fuckin fireproofed AGAIN

rebuild efforts, i promised monuments rebuilt so thats what theyre gonna fuckin Get

chap 10 antfrost

subtitle: twist the knife

ant on what ends up being an unpublicized manhunt: dream stops the manhunt because he’s triggered a raid and by the time the hunters get there, alarmed by the screaming and the fire and dream’s unresponsiveness, the villagers are all dead and there are raider corpses everywhere and dream is lying near the bell on his side, whimpering. (what the hunters don’t know - dream tried to fight off the raid but was overwhelmed and witnessed the village get slaughtered, he took the pain of the villagers that weren’t dead but were dying.)

segment: There’s a reason they do the manhunts, and it’s not just for them to horse around and try to kill one another for a few days. Antfrost is the newcomer but he’s always been good at reading people and from the outset he knew that Dream was someone filled to the brim with the restlessness that characterizes humans, that never-settling wanderlust, and his brain works too fast for the rest of his body sometimes, and he just needs an outlet. It’s part of why he eggs Tommy on in their little war games, why he holds onto those discs even though he doesn’t need them, why he gets that delighted look on his face when someone tells him that Tommy’s griefed them or stolen from them or otherwise ruined their morning. Antfrost thinks the only times he’s ever really seen Dream silent, Dream waiting, Dream unmoving, are when Dream is 

chap 11 karl

subtitle: head in the shallows

karl, sapnap, george, and dream have a sleepover after mcc 11. karl, nearest to dream, wakes up when dream starts tossing and turning from a nightmare. when he tries to shake dream awake, dream’s eyes fly open and he slams his fist into the wall behind him and the earth, the literal earth, the entire slab of it, shudders like an earthquake. sapnap and george sleep like the dead, so it’s just karl and dream staring at one another. finally karl asks, concerned, “do you want some tea or water or anything?”

chap 12 hbomb

subtitle: a maid’s burden

“i want to dress up as a maid for fundy,” says hbomb with false bravado. fundy’s fiance levels a very impassive look at him for an awkward minute or two and just when hbomb thinks he’s misread dream and fundy’s relationship dream says “i’ll get you a wig” and the entire chapter is just dream idly twisting the fabric of reality to get hbomb the items he needs to put the outfit together

pranks, i promised pranks, theyre gonna get pranks

chap 13 alyssa

subtitle: message in a bottle (edit: official subtitle is “ship in a bottle”)

alyssa’s leaving, at least temporarily. 

alyssa tells dream it’s getting dangerous on his server, doesn’t relish the expression that brings to his face, but he holds her hands and nods and bids her safe journey. when alyssa returns, running for something (later we’ll learn she had heard that dream was bad, that he might be dying), she finds that her house is completely inaccessible by everyone save her, placed in complete stasis by someone. 

start of the chapters leading up to festival arc. build unresolved tension in this one. 

chap 14 niki

subtitle: life doesn’t discriminate

wilbur and tommy are relentless, they waste no time; niki is willing to wait for it. 

the night before the duel, she goes to dream and holds a sword to his throat and demands he call it off, even though she knows it’ll mean little because of respawn, tells him she won’t stop hunting him down until he gives up l’manberg. dream smiles a little sadly and pats her hand and her fright, her rage, it simmers back down, and the anger that had swarmed her and made dream out to be the devil dies down until it’s just her friend, who was playing along with tommy til it got serious and he got cocky, who’s just as in over his head as she is, and maybe niki’s soft but she likes that about herself, that she’s always the first to forgive. niki is looking at the healing cut on dream’s neck, uncovered by any bandages, when dream shoots tommy, a clean shot that causes no suffering.

a long chapter, probably. i think at some point in this i want to mention niki’s respect for dream for apologizing during the first pet war, for not letting things get any bigger until fundy came back. some parallels can be drawn here - that dream let the fire die down in the initial stages of the pet war, that dream won’t let go of the l’manberg war now, and it occurs to niki that she doesn’t know dream nearly as well as she thinks she does if she expected him to act exactly the way he did during the pet war. she’s got what she’s wanted - dream’s remorse, proof of dream’s humanity - even though it’s not in the form niki wanted it. 

chap 15 eret

subtitle: crown of thorns

the king in name only consults with the true leader. 

they’re both upset about pogtopia’s exile, eret arguably more so because they think their early betrayal of l’manberg somehow butterfly-effected into the current dumpster fire, and as they talk eret works themself into a full panic attack reflecting on things that were, things that could’ve been - and the tide washes out all of a sudden, and eret’s left with the same looming hollowness they’d been feeling before, no dregs of the panic, they’ve never had a panic attack that left them feeling normal after - but dream is now wheezing like he’s about to die and eret immediately walks him through the panic attack, levelheaded even as they’re confused out of their mind. 

chap 16 quackity

subtitle: water to blood

quackity is a snake in the grass. 

quackity at schlatt’s side during the few weeks of his presidency. he knows schlatt from before, has been his friend, so he knows when his friend is acting off. the cynical, straight-faced humor is still there, his completely bland delivery and brazen showmanship, but it’s twisted to the left somehow, to make it so that those qualities that make up his friend have rotted, hurt people. quackity eventually goes to dream after schlatt first overdoses with a lot of questions, maybe even to confess that his allegiance has begun to shift because he can’t go to pogtopia and he can’t go to schlatt - and dream just gives him a long, sad look before lightly patting quackity’s shoulder and says “i can’t guarantee anything - just that you’ll be safe” and shooing him off and as quackity heads back to manberg he realises all the hostile mobs are avoiding him like the fucking plague. 

it’s big q!!!! fattest ass in the cabinet!!!!! pog!!!

fun fact this chapter’s subtitle was almost “chekhov’s gun” until november fucking 16th of 2020

chap 17 tommy

subtitle: most disputes die and no one shoots

tommy learns how a legacy dies.

a compendium of tommy watching the madness consume wilbur. it needs to be emphasized in this chapter that wilbur becomes an entirely different person when they’re ejected from manberg, that he becomes obsessed with the legacy he’s created and watching it crumble is what twists him; when dream gives tommy his crossbow, tommy, out of desperation and a need to have an older sibling again, asks what’s wrong with wilbur; dream’s face hardens and he asks tommy to take dream to wilbur. it’s a terse meeting, the only one they have before techno and before wilbur completely loses it and demands the tnt; wilbur says a lot of things tommy doesn’t understand (it’s complex mythological jargon hinting at dream’s status as a god but could be misconstrued to refer to dream’s status as simply the world owner) and at one point wilbur sneers, “are you trying to play god, dream?” and dream lurches forward and grabs wilbur by the wrist, and there’s a completely silent moment where tommy feels the air suck out of his lungs and there’s an off buzzing in his ears and he fancies he hears something that sounds, just a bit, like dream, whispering desperately wilbur wilbur wilbur it’s me it’s me listen listen listen then a shrieking, acrid wave of no and tommy reels back and when he looks up dream has staggered back, his hand to his mouth, blood dripping from somewhere beneath his mask, sounding like he’s gagging or maybe he’s sobbing, as wilbur shrieks in a voice that is entirely not his “get out get out if i can’t have l’manberg...” and tommy understands, finally, as dream sprints out. that’s not wilbur.

a distinction needs to be made perfectly clear in this chapter, as with schlatt’s chapter: it’s not them. they’ve been twisted out of control by something bigger than them, something that wants to toy with the young god running an oasis of peace for his people. it doesn’t need to be outright said in this fic; in another we can delve into the madness and who did it and why. for now, just make it clear it’s not explicitly anyone’s fault.

chap 18 techno

subtitle: colosseum

dream had to let techno in first, you know. 

techno and dream have interacted often - the duel, the championships, they’re friends more than acquaintances now. but techno was called in by someone wearing his brother’s face that he honestly doesn’t recognize from his voice and when he arrives at spawn, before tommy fetches him, he sees dream sitting cross legged waiting for him and they talk about the situation, dream giving techno a quick brief. when tommy comes, crying “techno, this way, this way to pogtopia”, and crossbow bolts are being fired at techno, dream gives him a lil wave goodbye (or what techno thinks is a lil wave goodbye but what actually turns out to be putting a swiftness effect on him).

“that’s not my brother, dream,” says techno, and dream’s mouth wobbles and he says, hoarse, “i know.”

techno Suspects, but only knows that dream has world-manipulating powers and thus standard minor god powers. he doesn’t let dream know he suspects. 

chap 19 bad

subtitle: run devil run

bad trusts dream, perhaps against his better judgement. 

dream comes to visit bad and skeppy on neutral grounds in the interim leading up to the festival that everyone on the server is side-eyeing and side-stepping. bad considers his friend and the owner of the world as he gives dream an impromptu tour through the escape route he and skeppy have dug out, wonders with a little reproach how dream could let things get to this point, then, soft, gentle as always, acknowledges that dream is only human kindly. when he says that, though, dream’s face crumples, as though those words hurt him more than any criticism bad’s given him in the time he’s known him, as though bad had driven a blade into his heart, and bad doesn’t understand but he lets dream run away from that. when a small flock of creepers explode over the tunnel the night before the festival and bad grumbles that he has to fix it, he learns dream left him with a fortified escape tunnel.

a/n: i’m sure the irony isn’t lost on you.

chap 20 tubbo

subtitle: cadmean victory

what say the sacrificial lamb?

tubbo is coming to terms with the fact that he might not make it out of office in one piece and it’s not his first time respawning but the older members of the server always, always did their best to shield the younger ones from death. he runs into dream by complete coincidence while he’s avoiding pogtopia (mostly wilbur) and manberg (mostly schlatt), caught between two strangers wearing his friends’ faces. he looks at dream, who looks back at him impassively, and tubbo starts to cry, because it finally hits him that even with his death and respawn nothing will be fixed, nothing can change, the poison’s run too deep into the veins of dream’s beautiful little world and now nothing can be right anymore and it feels like he’s shattering into tiny, aching shards - and then dream kneels before him, takes his hands, presses his forehead to them, sighs like his heart’s breaking, and tubbo feels a small calm thread back into him as dream stands abruptly, jittery. dream, with hands that shake, grips tubbo’s shoulder, hovers for a second, then his head jerks up and he bolts into the forest, clambering up a tree with admirable ease and disappearing away into the leaves as schlatt suddenly emerges from the bushes nearby with a joyous, plastic “hey! tubbo!”

chap 21 george

subtitle: lantern burns low

a moment in the night; george is visited by a specter. 

dream comes, pale, and asks george if there is anything wrong, is everything okay with you? takes george’s caught-off-guard face in his hands and says george george george, are you - and george catches a glimpse of dream’s powers (is he safe safe does he hurt no but fear but anxiety there are dregs hush now quiet now he is safe all quiet quiet quiet he’s safe) and he says, stricken even as the constant thrum of nervous energy he’d kept with him fades out, “dream what was that,” and dream presses his hands to his mask where his eyes are and says, despairingly, “they don’t get to have you too,” and staggers back out. 

george is the first person dream overtly “comes out” to. this is also why george doesn’t see dream til the festival. 

chap 22 schlatt

subtitle: the empty throne

dream visits schlatt in his office. 

schlatt, possessed by madness, has no idea what he’s saying but it feels right, it’s exactly right, everything is in his hands, and when dream approaches, his hands facing up, is he there is he there yes yes yes tainted polluted this is twisted this is madness madness madness dream reels back, shaking, and schlatt leans in and leers, not even knowing what he’s saying, “you can’t even fix it, young god,” and relishes the way all the color drains from dream’s face.

=)

chap 23 dream (edit: this monster ended up being split into three for pacing purposes and also if i left it together it was gonna be. h. 14K WORDS. also the drama of a cliffhanger at what most people thought was going to be the last chapter was too good to pass up don’t @ me

subtitle: do you feel like a young god?

running, running, running again

finale!! dream takes everyone’s old hurts into himself, takes the madness from schlatt and wilbur, promptly passes the hell out because no one should be doing that, wakes up, gets the shit hugged out of him, and explains a little, and gets told that he’s loved over and over. 

i uh! take questions! i like talking about this story, there’s a lot i still want to show, and even apart from that i just really love mcyt haha

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 138: Kevin Party

“Did you guys break up? Can seven-year-olds even do that?”

Remember Doug Out?

The 125th episode of Steven Universe is a small but very fun story about Steven Universe and Connie Maheswaran, two best friends who work as a team to solve a mystery. Steven is already a teenager, and if Connie isn’t thirteen yet she’s awful close (she’s twelve and three quarters on Steven’s midsummer birthday, and school has been in session since Mindful Education), but this feels like a pair of children on an adventure. They’re chaperoned by Connie’s dad, they wear silly disguises and use sillier aliases, and they outright say that their goal is to “ruin some teen’s night.”

Doug Out ends in a cliffhanger, which leads directly to Steven’s abduction, which leads directly to Steven’s journey to and escape from Homeworld, which leads directly to the Breakup Arc, which ends here. That’s fourteen consecutive episodes telling one long story, which happens to be the same number of episodes between Catch and Release kicks off Peridot’s conversion and Hit the Diamond ends our barn adventure. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Act II and Act III of Steven Universe have similar sweeping midpoint storylines: both see a radical change occur, and while our middle act’s is more obvious (two new Gems join our crew and Steven saves the dang planet), Act III has the more important development for Steven himself. Because at the beginning of its sweep, Steven and Connie are kids, and at the end, they’re teenagers.

Granted, I see anyone under the age of 25 as a “kid,” but Kevin Party is a distinctly adolescent episode. The Breakup Arc as a whole covers new ground that a typical kid’s show wouldn’t, and even the one episode without much angst for Steven is about a bunch of teens starting a band. But it’s a whole new step to set an episode at a high school party, complete with drinking (age-appropriate drinks, I’m sure) and no adult supervision. 

After five episodes watching Steven either stressing about Connie or working his way through his guilt, it’s wonderful and devastating that when we finally see her again, she's having a blast. Her new look is one thing, but her effortless mingling with strangers is my favorite thing about Kevin Party. This isn’t a new aspect of her personality. She’s probably been like this for a while. But it’s the first time we’re seeing it, because it’s the first time Steven is seeing it.

In Bubble Buddies, Connie started out so shy that she feared dying without making a single friend, while Steven was so gregarious that he couldn’t help befriending everyone he met. Now he’s the awkward one, reduced to asking the likes of Kevin for advice, and she’s bloomed out of that social anxiety. And it’s not just a matter of her friendship with Steven changing her, even though that’s a major inciting incident: after he helps her come out of her shell, she’s able to practice interacting with peers on a regular basis in a scenario that’s way more helpful in understanding normal human interactions than anything in Steven’s life, because Connie goes to school.

There’s an unstated and uncomfortable truth that Connie needs Steven to have access to his magical world, creating an uneven power dynamic that’s easy to ignore because it fits into the general role of how a main character and side character work on a show like this. But Kevin Party‘s biggest reveal is that just because she needs him if she wants to have cosmic adventures, she doesn’t need him to have a fulfilling life, and she doesn’t need his friendship to be happy.

Thank. Goodness.

Codependency isn’t something to aspire to, and while Steven isn’t intentionally possessive of Connie (yet), their fight boils down to him treating her like a sidekick, someone who gets to do magic stuff with him under his terms. We don’t get to see what she was up to during the Breakup Arc, but I’m so glad her laughter here isn’t performative. She has enough self-worth to not define herself by the boy she likes or the adventures they share, and even if she’s upset that they’re in a fight, we know from our first look at her that she’d be okay if they never ended up reconciling. And that makes her choice to reconcile so much stronger than just shoving them back together because they’ve been apart long enough and the status quo demands it. She doesn’t need Steven in her life, but she wants him in her life, and that’s the difference between an episode about Connie remaining a sidekick in Steven’s mind and an episode about Connie establishing herself as an equal.

Steven and Connie’s affection has always bounced between platonic and romantic, and I love that even now we keep it ambiguous. Steven wears the shirt Connie got him in Steven’s Birthday, which is a gesture of friendship but occurs in an episode that dances around their mutual crush (complete with actual dancing). The moment of seeing each other again is shot like running into an ex, with time slowing down to let the absolute horror set in as the rest of the party fades, but Steven still refers to her only as his best friend. Kevin makes some of the subtext text through his confusion over the status of their relationship, but even if they’re teens now, these two are still young enough that don’t know how to express their deeper feelings.

Sadie Killer gets our guard down just long enough that Kevin Party’s new surge of drama hits like a truck: this is the original show’s most direct predecessor to the tone of Steven Universe Future’s latter half, where the anguish of watching Steven flounder in his relationship with Connie comes to a head. He makes the same mistake here that he’ll make in Together Forever: he’s so desperate for advice that he doesn’t question its source. Which is doubly frustrating because Greg Universe, who has told several stories on-screen about navigating a new relationship, is just a phone call away! I’m not saying I wish Steven actually called him, because all teens make mistakes and there’s any number of reasons he wouldn’t want to ask his dad in the moment, but it speaks to Steven’s inability to think straight when it comes to Connie.

In his final appearance, Kevin shows the closest thing he’s got to depth by helping Steven the only way he knows how. And unlike Beach City Drift, where he makes up a tragic backstory just to be a troll, it’s clear that the mysterious Sabine did a number on Delmarva’s biggest jerk. But I’ve got no patience for the notion that this episode is anything near redemptive for a guy whose idea of being helpful involves emotionally manipulating a vulnerable fourteen-year-old boy into emotionally manipulating a vulnerable thirteen-year-old girl.

Here more than ever, Kevin contrasts Steven’s self-destructive selflessness by being a black hole of self-importance. He only cares about Steven inasmuch as Steven can help him be more popular, not even bothering to ask for his name until it serves his needs. He’s so oblivious to his surroundings that he confuses Lion for a dog (saying that he’s allergic to dogs is a somewhat funny joke, but talking up Connie’s new life by saying she has a dog now is hilarious), and goes out of his way to antagonize his guests. To Steven, other people exist to be helped, which has noble roots but is catastrophic for his self-image. To Kevin, other people exist to admire Kevin.

“Psychopath” is a strong word, and I don’t wanna exaggerate Kevin’s villainy because that takes away from what makes him so insidious: unlike the Final Boss feel of the Diamonds, there’s an abundance of regular people who do the same awful stuff that Kevin does, and acting like he’s some extreme case detracts from the mundanity of everyday evils. Moreover, I remain unqualified to be an armchair psychologist, and the Hare Psychopathy Checklist has plenty of valid criticism, so take any diagnosis using it (or really any psych profile that involves a checklist you can do from home) with a grain of salt. But with all that said, I’ll just leave a link to it right here and let y’all do what you will with it.

The Big Talk gets five and a half episodes of buildup, and it doesn’t disappoint. It’s so perfect that Connie’s reaction to negging is to do what she always does when she sees someone behaving badly: she gets mad and calls it out. Steven’s typical approach to unkind behavior is to double down on his friendliness, but Connie will always put her foot down and demand kindness, whether you’re her best friend or a galactic tyrant. New hair aside, Connie isn’t the one that changes over the course of the Breakup Arc: it begins with her making it clear that she’s hurt while Steven ignores her, and it ends with her making it clear that she’s hurt while Steven listens.

I love that Connie requires no prompting to explain why she didn’t text Steven back, because Full Disclosure shows that she understands how much it hurts to try and connect with a friend who won’t respond. I love that she did go back to talk with him in person while he was on vacation (meaning all of this could’ve been worked through way sooner) because adolescence is suffering and we needed one last little twist of the knife in this arc. And I love that Steven is wise enough to just admit what he did instead of try and defend himself, because their whole fight hinged on his refusal to acknowledge the gravity of his actions, both to Connie and to himself. He doesn’t say the word “sorry” until the very end of his admission, because he means it and wants to provide context for the apology rather than just say “I’m sorry” a bunch.

And it’s so perfect that they don’t end up forming Stevonnie during their reconciliation, and not just because that would’ve given Kevin a win. They make up, but it still takes time to let the lingering pain go away, and it makes Stevonnie’s reappearance in our next episode way more meaningful. After one last display of their fundamental contrast—Steven expresses sympathy for Kevin’s situation with Sabine, while Connie shrugs it off because having a backstory doesn’t mean it’s okay to be a toxic douche—they leave the world of teen parties behind, at least for now. They’ll go back to more adventures right away, traveling to space in Lars of the Stars and Jungle Moon, but they’ll never truly be the same.

Thank goodness.

I’ve never been to this…how do you say…school?

I love that Stevonnie’s disdain for Kevin is here for us even when Stevonnie doesn’t show up in the episode.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

It’s not just the catharsis factor that gets this in my Top 25. Kevin Party is incredible at capturing the dread I associate with this type of teen party as someone who often felt like Steven as a kid (three traits that don’t work well with teen parties, even if like me you were a fairly social teenager: clinical depression, teetotalism due to the double whammy of that depression and family history of addiction, and having a bad ear that makes it impossible to hear people talk when the music gets loud enough). Beyond the personal connection, we also get one last look at the show’s greatest villain, and an episode that respects Connie so much more than a normal cartoon would. This is how you end an arc, folks.

Top Twenty-Five

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

Last One Out of Beach City

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Mindful Education

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

Back to the Kindergarten

Steven’s Dream

Kevin Party

When It Rains

The Good Lars

Lars’s Head

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Kindergarten Kid

Buddy’s Book

Gem Harvest

Three Gems and a Baby

That Will Be All

The New Crystal Gems

Storm in the Room

Room for Ruby

Lion 4: Alternate Ending

Doug Out

Are You My Dad?

I Am My Mom

Stuck Together

The Trial

Off Colors

Gemcation

Raising the Barn

Sadie Killer

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Adventures in Light Distortion

Gem Heist

The Zoo

Rocknaldo

Dewey Wins

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

Know Your Fusion

Future Boy Zoltron

Tiger Philanthropist

No Thanks!

     6. Horror Club      5. Fusion Cuisine      4. House Guest      3. Onion Gang      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

[rethesun]

Is there a name for middle lane larries?

Topic: An opinion on larry

I think there is substantial compelling evidence, but I'm not 100% convinced that there is still something but it’s possible there is we just don’t see.

If someone calls me a larrie, it's not insulting at all, but if someone were to call me an anti i’d be sad, honestly. Below I say many things that make it seem like I negatively judge hardcore larries, but I don't. I find it extraordinary that people can be so brave and sure of themselves, and I wish I could be too. I tend to get along with larries, while I mostly avoid antis unless they manage to be respectful, which is unfortunately quite rare. 

I think it's practically effortless to get toxic when trying to prove or disprove things. I think it's dehumanizing and feels stressful to me as a fan. Therefore I can only imagine the difficulty and what it takes for people in a position of fame to get to a place of inner strength and resilience where the millions of opinions of the world don't affect them as much. It's sometimes hard to judge/differentiate what is and isn't disrespectful, and it hurts terribly to know I'm crossing boundaries. So I'm putting my opinion together in hopes it isn't as counterproductive or pointless as it feels.

I'm not at all trying to convince anyone of a narrative to sway people to believe or not believe. What and how much you know and where you "stand" is down to you. 

Do I believe in larry? 

First and foremost, being a fan of someone means supporting that person without expecting anything from them. It means any fan theory isn't crucial. What’s important is just supporting them as is, as an individual. It means caring about how the person may feel about things more than caring about how I feel about things that aren't my business in the first place. 

That said, here is my not long-awaited opinion.

I think there is substantial compelling evidence, but I'm not 100% convinced that there is still something but it’s possible there is we just don’t see. I will not disregard what Harry and Louis said back in the day and pretend they had nothing when at the very least, Harry said it on video directly twice. Yes, he was a kid, but people will decide Harry is with a skinny blonde woman older than him for much less, so I don't take what he said as a platonic joke. However, I try to be as realistic as possible. As an outsider, it's not easy for my brain to conclude on most things. However, this doesn't mean I disregard how bad the industry can be. One big reason is that I don't know any of these people personally, and I want to believe in the best in others. Even though I understand controlling narratives in the industry happens and happened to 1D. I don't know to what extent. It's hard for me to judge that any or all of Harry's "relationships" are fake, and thus, he's had a few "stunt" songs for those relationships, etc. It’s plausible that he wrote female pronouns on a song or a few and the song refers to a man/men but that's far from saying this is a stunt song which would imply an entire fake relationship which is too far for me to say wasn't real as I am just an outsider. 

Whether people say it's the fans who say it or the boys behavior, the statement, 'larries ruined their friendship,' is sometimes interpreted as centered around homophobia. I do not see it this way.

However, whether there was or is a relationship, it's entirely reasonable to consider, the circumstances as a whole hurt them and likely the rest of the band in multiple ways that made things really hard. I do not think fans ruined the band or their connections with each other. I think being overworked with little freedom or breaks to discover/express independence were just a few reasons why.

Why I think larry appeared to become distanced to the public eye: 1. Understandably, putting blame on the heteronormative gender restrictive times we were in and still are in. 2. How some fans react to Larry's interactions due to reason number one. Otherwise, all the 1D members, their families, and friends have been honest. That would mean there isn't an elaborate conspiracy; they are just tired of people messing with who they care about and want to live without the harassment. Regardless of whether some fan theories are accurate or not, people in the spotlight and their families deserve peace of mind. They don't deserve to be dehumanized. I wish some fans would understand how wrong it is to swarm people or ask strangers to confirm any personal things. Not only because it's rude and invasive but because of mental health. If that's confusing, imagine if it were you in their position.

I used Zayn's interview because he shared it eloquently while the other mentions that ‘Larry isn't real’ were mostly screen captures of constituents replying impatiently to larry comments on social media saying the Larry thing is delusion and not what real fans do.  Zayn in this 2015 fader interview. "There's no secret relationships going on with any of the band members," he explains. "It's not funny, and it still continues to be quite hard for them. They won't naturally go put their arm around each other because they're conscious of this thing that's going on, which is not even true. They won't do the natural behavior." He goes on to add to the statement, "But it's just the way the fans are. They're so passionate, and once they get their head around an idea, that's the way it is regardless of anything. If it wasn't for the passionate, like almost obsession, then we wouldn't have the success that we have." Before the subject changes, Zayn said that fans would find a way to water down what he said and make any excuses, e.g., that he couldn't speak the truth.

I can't speak for anyone but myself. (I’m a queer cis female) I don't think I would want to 'get dragged through a round of 'coming out' press. Why should sexuality be treated as an oddity by the median, and why should queer people have to subject themselves to that treatment?' The amount of coming out stories and things that could follow a person, or the people around, in the aftermath, would be atrocious. People, personally and professionally, may treat you differently after. The queer stereotypes would be exhausting. Also, it's not always as safe sometimes to be out. Whether there was/is a relationship at all between 1D members. “Being open to everyone isn't easy. Now imagine yourself no less human than right now, but add millions of eyes on you. It's insensitive to assume about someone when they could be doing their best/what is comfortable—please let's stop invalidating what we don't understand.”

Zayn's career connects to Hollywood, and he’s in the spotlight so it's not easy to suddenly believe everything I hear and see is the truth just because someone like him said it. However, at the same time, it's rather discomforting for me to disregard and look into everything people like Zayn or his constituents say. I want to believe the best in people and sympathize and “back him up” in a sense. It's also way to hard to believe all things other fans say because we are passionate and obsessed, so there is confirmation bias. 

Do I concretely believe anything? 

Yes, but those things don't directly confirm or deny anything especially Larry.

I believe the boys were responsible for RBB & SBB.

I have some reason to believe the song Carolina could be about experimentation with drugs since Johnny Cash's Cocaine-Carolina song is plausibly similar. Also, it's not uncommon if you're wealthy or famous to experiment with drugs, including harmful drugs; the environment can make it more accessible and normalized. I don't condone drug abuse; I hope Harry is wise enough not to make it a reoccurring thing. I want him naturally happy and healthy, but it's not my life, and I don't know him to have any right in making that call. I trust from Harry's character and what he said in his Zane Lowe interview that he knows better. However, the song Carolina might be about Townes or maybe it's both, I have no clue. 

I believe SOTT is about "fundamentals" like Harry said it is, not just from the perspective of 'a mother telling the child to go forth and conquer.' I notice some people readily look over the childbirth story, saying 'it makes no sense,' but it can easily coincide with fundamentals, "Equal rights for everyone, all races sexes, everything." Check out this in depth lyric analysis?

I think most of us know and support that Harry is a proud member of the community. If he wasn’t he’d just say that. 

I think maybe COAC and SOTT may have been collaborative. There are multiple writers on both songs and if it’s possible to have a ghost writer then I say it's plausible they chose to write them similarly. 

I think Louis possibly queer codes. Straight people don’t queer code so you might think it’s queer baiting but I don’t think someone sick of gay rumors would go that route. Either that, or he's a passionate and sympathetic ally.

However, Louis is still "with" E. From a perspective of committed fans, it doesn't look like a sincere relationship. As an outsider, again, it feels far too presumptuous for me to have a B&W opinion.

It seems that adults with somewhat official platforms let rumors run rampant, and not many grown adults of the time seemed to correct or silence it. I should have said this early and cannot stress this enough, ANYONE who is not the Louis Tomlinson or in his family tree is in no way an official source. If they're acting like they know things (not just reporting on what's happening), they were/are either trolling or want people to freak out for clout. Being led astray by people looking to capitalize on fans is always a danger. It's insensitive, inappropriate, and unprofessional, but it happened. I am surprised by that and that 1D's management didn't try to protect Louis and his image more. I’m not an insider able to judge him negatively or to overanalyze the situation. So I won't assume he's not a dad, and I hope he's doing well.

(About the above paragraph about Louis this is an update after the original post I made to say I don't have a further developed opinion because I never looked into it and don't know if I will so don't hold that against me please I just personally don't feel like it’s a thing I need to do and I know larries don’t appreciate when non-larries make comments on things without thoroughly looking into things so you won’t see a further opinion from me or judgment unless I do actual research)

In conclusion, and to reiterate, I feel like there is some truth to some things. Again, it feels disrespectful or too presumptuous for me to have many opinions, especially of the negative kind, as an outsider. I don't know any of these people personally, and I want to believe in the best in others. I am not harshly judging things because I don't have a complete story or the right to. However, this doesn't mean I disregard how bad the industry can be to people in multiple ways.

As fans, we can do much better. It's not unreasonable to wish people didn't constantly objectify/sexualize people with fame and didn't harass them/their families about fan theories. Also, always wanting something from these people and expecting them to fulfill god-like expectations as if they don't go through the same human experience and aren't completely flawed like the rest of us, or stalking them—something sick and a behavior that's saddening and disgusting. Real fans just leave them be to live their lives. Please call out stalking and discourage it if you notice it. Overall, I think we can all be a bit more respectful and understanding or try to make an effort. I'm not a superfan, but I'd like to be genuine and not a reason why these people dislike being in the spotlight. I feel like that means being as grounded, realistic, and sensitive about how these people may feel about things more than caring about how I feel about things that aren't my business in the first place. It ultimately means any fan theory isn't crucial. What’s important is just supporting them as is, as individual.

[#’s are for exposure and may not correlate]

[dashesofink]

Philia

Drabble: “hey~ could you please do an imagine, where klaus goes to like a mental health clinic for his ptsd and there he meets a girl who’s like 18/19 (with depression & social anxiety; but if you don’t want to specify that’s totally fine too!!) and they get pretty close during their time there? and he becomes really protective of her and stuff? i hope this is okay😅 thank you!!🖤”

Pairings: Klaus Hargreeves x platonic!Reader

Word Count: 1268

Warnings: mentions mental illnesses

A/N: Philia (/ˈfɪliə/; Ancient Greek: φιλία), often translated "brotherly love” ... philia is usually translated as "friendship" or affection.

You knew that the clinic was supposed to help you. But if anything, you felt as if everything was getting worse. The meetings were boring, and the exercises were useless. Your supposed ‘social interactions’ felt more like forced parties that only added on to the stress and anxiety that built up in your body. You truly hated it there, you could feel yourself slipping away into another bottomless pit. But do it for your family, right? For the ones who care about you? At least you thought they cared about you. You hadn’t talked to your family and so-called friends in months. No one checked up on you. And it hurt.

You had trouble making friends, even here at the clinic that housed more ‘people like you’. You still found yourself shying away from people, your fingers trembling as you fumbled with the edge of your sweater. You felt pathetic. But it was who you were. And apparently nothing could change that. Except for him, maybe.

When he first arrived at the clinic, even the nurses and orderly were skeptical of him. He had, apparently, been admitted to many different clinics and programs to help him with addictions and other illnesses, and yet each time he would leave he would fall back into the same old routine. This time was different. He wasn’t here for his alcoholism or his drug addictions. No. He was here for PTSD. At least, that’s what some of the other patients were saying. He was an odd fellow, that much was certain, but he interested you.

From the few times you watched him, which you unfortunately found yourself doing, you noticed the big black lettering tattooed across his palms. An odd place for tattoos, but who are you to judge. His curly brown hair was always a mess, flopping against his forehead as he shuffled through the seemingly never ending hallways of the clinic. You could tell that at one point his green eyes were bright with life and mischief. And even though there was still a hint of playfulness in his gaze, it was barely there. Whatever had happened to him had damaged him severely. And you couldn’t help but frown at the thought.

For you it was normal, to wait weeks on end before finally trying to introduce yourself to somebody. And that was if you wanted to introduce yourself. But this time you truly did. You heart was hammering in your chest no less, but you still forced yourself to make your way over to him. Klaus was his name. Luckily for you you had heard an orderly talking about him. The man in question didn’t even hear you sneak up behind him, as the playing cards in his hands seemed to occupy him enough.

“You got any sixes?” Klaus’ eyes lazily danced over the deck in his hands, but it went silent for a moment. His eyebrows knitted together as he looked across the table to his playing partner, but their eyes were focused intently on something, or rather someone, behind him. “What in the hell are you looking– ooh.”

His eyes blew wide when he saw you standing behind him, your hands clasped tightly around your elbows in a shield-like position. Klaus could vaguely remember seeing you around the clinic, and he noticed that you always kept to yourself. In fact, he doesn’t remember seeing you talk with anyone at all. And judging by his playing partners reaction, they thought so too. “H-how can I help you?” His words came out hesitantly, his eyes watching as you flinched violently under his stare. That certainly caused concern to raise in his body.

“I-I’m y-y/n.” Your voice trembled as you spoke. Klaus had to strain to hear your words, but still a smile spread his lips as he looked to your face. Something told him that you weren’t used to this, to introducing yourself to others, and probably talking to them as well. Yet for some reason, even though he had absolutely no clue as to who you were, he felt proud. And happy. Proud at the fact that you were coming out of your comfort zone, and happy that he was the one that made you do so.

“Well it’s nice to meet ya, y/n.” He replied, smiling. “I’m Klaus.”

You didn’t want to admit it at first, but you liked— no, you loved having Klaus around. He was like a breath of fresh air. Having someone around, someone to talk too (even if it was a sentence at a time) was something that you didn’t think you needed. He always knew how to put a smile on your face, and he knew it. Seeing you smile was something that Klaus had grown very fond of. Even if it was a gradual thing, getting you to smile was one of the greatest things that Klaus had accomplished at the clinic.

Klaus soon found himself seeking out your company, and it appeared that you didn’t mind having him by your side either. You attended meetings and exercises together, and sometimes you even found yourself being dragged along to the social interactions with him. Though the meetings and exercises remained as boring as ever, you found them to be a bit more entertaining as Klaus would make faces at you from his seat across from you. At times, you found that the smile on your lips and the tug in your heart wasn’t too bad. It felt wonderful. As the days dragged on, you often found yourself seeking him out as well, as it felt that he was the only thing to keep you grounded.

Klaus’s hands always held tightly on to yours, his fingers smoothing down your hair as he held you to his chest. His words were softly spoken as he would calm you from yet another anxiety attack. His arms would be protectively around your trembling figure, his eyes set into a heavy glare if anyone so much as looked at you funny as they walked past your huddled figures in the hallway. Your anxiety and panic attacks had gotten better, yes, but they still happened. And Klaus was always there to help you through it. He was fiercely protective of you, you noticed. He took time out of his day to come to you, to check up on you and make sure you were alright. He often got in fights though, with other patients who would look at you wrong or say something bad about you. You didn’t want him to get hurt, but you still appreciated his kindness.

He didn’t seem to mind though, getting hurt for you. Klaus realized just how much you meant to him the closer it got time for him to leave the clinic. You had weaseled your way into his heart like only one other person had. You had been kind enough to let him talk your ear off about his horrific family experiences, about his literal ‘blast to the past’ and how he had found love. Dave, that was his name. He sounded lovely from the way Klaus had described him, and sometimes you wished that you could meet his lover. You hated what happened to him, and you hated that people seemed to disregard his PTSD for only wanting attention. You knew what that did to a person all too well. His love for you was purely a brotherly love, and it was often that he looked out for you. And though at times you felt weak, you tried your hardest to do the same for him.

[not-safeforsanders]

Warnings: minor d/s undertones, sub-space,

Ship: Logicality

Plot: Logan knows two things currently: He’s in desperate craving of some sort of physical contact and two, he cannot concentrate until someone takes care of him. 

Logan feels restless, for lack of a better term, as he stares long and hard at the paperwork that he’s re-read four times in the past ten minutes. But nothing is sticking to his brain. He runs a hand over his face and wraps his arms around his body as if trying to make up for the physical contact that he ha been denying for so long, too long. He swallows dryly and stares at his door. 

Some time ago, Patton had told him that when people go too long without affection (platonic, romantic or otherwise), they start to feel a little “sad,” because Humans are social animals and rely on physical comfort or social interaction, of which Logan has none. He’d also told him that if Logan ever really needed a hug to come to him. 

At the time, he’d rolled his eyes because he never needs things like that. But apparently, Logan does need a hug today.

He traipses his way to Patton’s room, knocking timidly as he waits. The owner of the room opens the door with a bright smile, brown curls mussed and falling into his big brown eyes. “Hey Lo! What’s...up?” The smile falls as he notices how small Logan looks, eyes on the floor, shoulders slumped and rubbing his arms like he was freezing cold. “Today’s the day huh?” He opens the door wider and lets Logan in before opening his arms open.

“Today is the day, I’m afraid,” The logical facet sinks into the other's arms, his forehead resting against Patton’s shoulder. His body suddenly feels so warm, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. He shivers and Patton smiles. 

“No need to be afraid,” Patton mutters, rubbing his hands against Logan’s back. The elder smells really nice, like happy memories and nostalgia. Logan thinks he himself probably smells like books. “Come on, kick off your shoes, let's lie down, you can stay here tonight, you look like you need someone to look after you tonight,” With a jolt, Logan realizes he rather does feel like he needs someone to look after him.

So he kicks off his shoes and unknots his tie, placing them both on the floor, his fingers unbutton the first three buttons of his shirt, whilst his hair falls tiredly into his eyes. Quietly, like he can’t quite muster the energy to speak, he crawls into bed next to Patton, their legs easily intertwining. He rests his head on Patton’s chest and feels his body press against the other man’s, heartbeat thudding through his chest. 

There’s quiet for a second, just comfort and calm before Logan’s head tilts back, studying Patton in the dark. The other had his eyes closed for a moment, but feeling the younger’s gaze, he opens them and blinks down at Logan. Something about the curious look given to him has Logan swallowing dryly. He feels so...small, absent like his brain is trying to tell him something but can’t quite muster the energy to be coherent. 

Whatever it is, Patton seems to recognize the dazed expression and smiles softly “You really have never had any sort of physical affection have you, sweetheart?” A quiet sound tumbles over Logan’s lips, so quiet that it’s almost unheard, but Patton doesn’t seem to mind, chuckling in response “How are you feeling right now?”

“I...I...” His words get jumbled in his head, he doesn’t want to talk, he just wants to touch. That’s new and strange, and why isn’t his voice working the way he needs too right now? “I don’t know,” Patton nods, his hand cupping Logan’s jaw gently in a featherlight touch that feels so full of comfort. “I don’t know,” He repeats. “My words aren’t...good...feel tired but not physically,” 

“It’s alright, love, it’s normal for people in your situation, your big brain is just trying to catch up that’s all,” And Logan believes him entirely, right now Patton could tell him anything and he’d believe. His touch is so warm. His eyes are so...kind. “I’ll look after you, okay? But if I do something wrong, tell me to stop and I will,” Logan nods, tilting his head up a little more like he’s asking a question that he himself does not know. 

Patton seems too though, as he laughs lightly before leaning down and capturing Logan’s lips in his own. The logical facet inhales sharply and takes a moment to realize what’s happening; his heart hammers suddenly in his chest and a quiet sound escapes the back of his throat before his body is pressing desperately against Patton’s, hands bunching in the elder’s shirt. “Do you want me to touch you more?” the moral facet asks gently, pulling away just a little. 

“Please,” 

Patton’s hands run down Logan’s sides, each gentle touch earning a whine for more. His hands slide under the younger’s shirt, feeling him arch into the touch. Logan feels like his skin is on fire as little goosebumps form, warmth running through his nerves as his hips press automatically against Patton’s body. “Slow down baby,” Is the quiet murmur he’s rewarded with; all these little nicknames sending jolts of pleasure through him, not sexually, but emotionally. “Relax, I’ll take care of you,”

Patton sits up, his back against the headboard as he tugs Logan up a little “Lie with your back to my chest,” His tone is gentle but commanding, asking and telling at the same time. Logan scrambles to do as he’s told, lying between Patton’s legs as his back pressed against him. Patton’s deft fingers unbutton the other’s pants “Remember, tell me if you want to stop, okay sweetheart?” 

“Y-Yes, I will,” 

“Good boy,” That has his hips jerking slightly, arousal curling through his abdomen. The breathy laugh against his ear elicits a shiver, as does the kisses pressed to his neck following this. He watches, wide-eyed as Patton’s hand slides into his pants, stroking his cock through his boxers slowly and carefully. A soft moan rolls off his lips and he pushes his hips into the contact slowly in a way of asking for more. The elder’s free hand slides under Logan’s shirt, playing lazily with his nipple. 

The sensory heaven that had currently presented itself to Logan was a new one; he’d never felt the need to do this before and now he’s wondering why not? This surely has to be the most wonderful sensation he’d ever experienced. And Patton’s touch feels so careful, so gentle like he’s handling something fragile. 

Logan feels fragile. But in a good way, in an ‘i know Patton will look after me’ way. 

The bare skin of a hand wraps around his length and strokes firmer, a little faster. Logan can feel heat coiling through him, feeling so warm and frantic and desperate as he shifts his hips to meet the contact faster. He’s not going to last long as the heat tumbles through his body and conjoins in his abdomen. 

He whines out Patton’s name, gasping out as his thighs tremble with anticipation. His head rests back against Patton’s shoulder, neck bared almost submissively as he accepts the soft nibbles and kisses. His hips jerk again, this time involuntarily as he can feel the pressure building, “Pat,” He whimpers, eyes falling closed as his mind goes completely blank for a second, feeling only the warmth and Patton and all he can think is this pleasant lack of thought. 

It’s so nice to not think. His brain is always working so often at a hundred miles an hour with all these things to do. The blankness feels so comforting. He hangs onto this for a second before an overwhelming feeling takes over, perhaps the most intense amount of pleasure he’d ever felt in his life. 

He gasps and pants, his legs jerk slightly as his eyes screw shut so fast. His muscles contracting and his hands grasping firmly at the fabric of Patton’s trousers. Heat poured straight through all the nerves in the lower half of his body and he climaxed, whimpering as the other stroked him through it, his pace slowing as the other stops languidly shifting his hips. Patton presses soft kisses to his skin “How are you feeling?”

“Wonderful,” Logan replies, feeling suddenly very cold and very tired. “But cold,” Patton chuckles and nods, grabbing some tissue to clean off his hand before lifting him up and pulling the blankets around them. “Thank you,”

“No problem love,”

[sishtastories]

1-8 no balls u wont

1. who is your favourite sister squad member and why?

probably emma, she has the same kind of humour that i have and i love people that who would get my fucking self-deprecating humour. 

2. who’s the funniest squad member?

uhhhhh, if by themselves? emma. if all together probably ethan. 

3. thoughts on grayson?

my homeboi. i could literally write a paragraph about him and i fucking will  because grayson is one of the people that deserves this kind of positive energy. actually, i’ll start off not so great-ish. when i first watched the twins, i honest to god thought that grayson was a fuckboi just because he fucking looked the part and it was a bad action on my part. the more that i watched them, the more i realised that he literally isn’t, the complete fucking opposite and i will fight anyone that says he is and portrays that out in the world. he’s so fucking kind and you see that in every single video/tweet/ whatever the fuck he does, you can see genuineness from him and i love that. he’s so funny (the funnier twin, fight me if you disagree), and smart in his own grayson way. i love that he always tries and whenever he does he puts 104% in. he genuinely loves his fans, interacts with them so much through social media and you don’t really see that with other influencers. he loves his family which makes me go s o ft, he’s so loving and caring around them that i literally want to c ry. one of the kindest and purest heart out there. i’ll fight anyone that makes him upset, or sends him hate because i wholeheartedly believe that he does not deserve any fucking hate. 

4. thoughts on ethan?

honestly think that if we ever met and became friends, he and i would have that sister/brother relationship where we literally roast each other but still care for each other. tbh, i was in ethan’s ‘lane’ (i hate myself for fucking saying that), the first time then i realised i was literally attracted to him because he fucking acts like me, when i realised that i was like fml, i’m a fucking narcissistic bitch. kidding. no, but honestly even though he’s loud and may seem obnoxious to some, you can definitely see that he is down to earth in videos. he loves his brother, family and friends above all else. my fav homeboi and would definitely always kick him if i was friends with him #friendshipgoals. 

5. thoughts on emma?

ahh, she’s so funny and honestly when i first saw her i thought i wouldn’t like her based on somethings that i have ever seen, and emma is a great example of you should honestly try something for yourself and not go one other people’s opinions. she’s a great kid, honestly. don’t really get the hate that she’s been getting like she’s changed and shit. she’s 17 (almost 18), people go through a lot of change through that time because it’s fucking complicated, get a grip. i like her, she’s funny, weird and doesn’t deserve the hate she’s been getting. probably one of the least problematic influencers that i follow. 

6. thoughts on james?

first sister squad member that i ever subscribed to and ever watched. tbh, emma and the twins weren’t even on my radar and didn’t even know that they existed until like late last year because their videos i guess wouldn’t have been the type of videos that i watched. i love james, i think he’s a great person and a great pioneer within the make up industry. he may have some sister scandals but you can definitely see how he’s grown from them and how mature he’s gotten to how he’s dealing with it. we stan this sister. 

7. favourite collaboration of sister squad?

the fucking gingerbread dream house video. you can definitely see how their friendship dynamic works. they fucking get on each other’s nerves and it’s so apparent and raw and that’s why i fucking love it. it shows that they aren’t this perfect gucci loving sister squad, they’re just a bunch of fucking normal teenagers trying to work together. 

8. thoughts on the ship within the squad? e.g. grethan, ethma, grames etc.

grethan: ship them if it’s in a brotp way, like hey the best brothers out there. if you don’t, and you ship them romantically, no. just no. 

ethma: platonic -fucking great, they seem to have a really good connection. romantic -cute af, i don’t stan them, but it think that they would be good together and it’s good that they started off as friends instead of being romantic from the get go. really like it, don’t get the hate they’ve both been getting.

grames: cute as heck, i definitely think that it’s just a shtick that they’re going with, james hitting on grayson and him acting weird about it. grayson would definitely tell james if he was uncomfortable and james would 100% respect grayson if that did happen. 

james/emma: don’t know the ship name, sorry. but severely underrated. you can definitely see that these two care so much for each other and they have the same type of humour. 

grethma: definition of brother and sister relationship. i fucking love it. 

james/ethan: again, underrated. ethan really knows james and vice versa, they literally know each other so well and you can tell from the multiple gift giving videos that they’ve done in the past. 

 [psa not to be mean but this goes out to everyone; the twins will eventually date people or settle down and we can’t fucking rant about how the other person is bad for them blah blah blah. no, we only get to see 25% of them from what the post on social media, so we have no idea how they are, or how their relationships work when the cameras are not rolling or they’re tweeting about it.]

[phanfictioncatalogue]

oKay so i’m looking for a well written, chartered fic with like eventual smut and idk what to search for or at least a good recommendation to read :) thank ya tho if u can’t find anything

here are some that I found that you will hopefully enjoy :)

Brick by Brick - auroraphilealis

Summary: No one said having an unmated Alpha and an unmated Omega living under the same roof was going to be easy, but add in a mess of feelings and desire, and things go from bad to worse. When Phil Lester asked his best friend, Dan Howell, to move in with him, he thought he could ignore his feelings and refrain from submitting, but with an oblivious Dan scenting him every other day, he decides he has to put a stop to it. Jealousy and misunderstandings collide to throw their lives into chaos, forcing both men to reconsider their relationship. Will they ever get their happy ending, or will prevalent sexism force them apart? Attempted Rape (warned in chapter)

Come What May (ao3) - PhantasticFiction

Summary: Phil Lester usualy wasn’t one to go to strip clubs. But after being coaxed into it by a couple of his friends he meets the ever hypnotizing Greyson Bear(Dan Howell). Easily falling in love with him Phil works to save Dan from the underworld of prostitution.

Ethereal - sin-n-city

Dan’s not normal. In fact, he’s never met a single person exactly like him. No one else can move objects with their mind, just by a simple thought. He lives life carefully, limited interactions and semi-non-existent social life. That is, until a pair of sapphire blue eyes change everything.

First Impressions (Perhaps I Was Wrong) (ao3) - Ablissa

Summary: Phil Lester goes back to university for his third year, expecting to live in the dorms with his childhood best friend PJ. That’s how it’s been for the past years, after all. However, due to a mistake of some sort, he finds himself with a new roommate to spend the semester with.

Daniel Howell, three years his junior, has rich brown eyes, a laptop to hide them behind, and not more than two words to spare in Phil’s direction. Phil is no fortune teller, but he foresees the upcoming months will be filled with a whole lot of awkward silence.

Unless, of course, Dan proves him wrong…Could one little mistake lead to something entirely life-changing? Perhaps it could. After all, nearly everything changes when Phil meets Dan.

Head Down Low - camisadan

Summary: Dan isn’t right. He’s not like most of the others, he’s not genetically pure. He has no destined path, he has nothing going for him in life. He’ll be lucky to get himself a job in a fast food kitchen, and everyone looks down on him like he’s a piece of dirt stuck at the bottom of their shoe. Except one person: Phil Lester.

Heaven Scent - auroraphilealis

Summary: Dan Howell rarely leaves the house unless he has too, too socially awkward to function normally around other people, and generally making his only friends through Louise, a sweet beta who took him under her wing a few years back when they were both still in college. It’s no surprise, then, that the omega has yet to find a mate, despite craving one rather a lot. It’s not until he attends Louise’s birthday party and gets accidentally-on-purpose set up with an attractive alpha named Phil Lester who smells absolutely heavenly that Dan starts to fall into a proper romance, complete with courting and scenting and the like.

Not So Platonic (ao3) - mollieblack

Summary: Fake relationship and Soulmate AU mix where Dan’s sure he’s straight and finds that Phil’s his soulmate. He figures they must just be platonic soulmates, but when Phil’s mum cries because she’s so happy for her son, they decide to play along just for her, and it quickly becomes clear that they’re not just platonic. Now Dan has to go through a sexuality crisis, and figure out how to progress things with Phil, who he’d made it VERY clear to that he wasn’t interested in guys.

Picture Perfect (ao3) - FollowYourDreams

Summary: Dan is a professional photographer and Phil is his muse. Unfortunately, Dan is forbidden to have a relationship with his models. However, when tension builds and builds, rules are broken, lines are crossed, and careers are put on the line.

Too Tense to Be Undone - auroraphilealis

Summary: Dan’s never had an orgasm before. Despite being in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend for three years, he’s just never been able to finish. The doctor’s don’t know what’s wrong with him, so Dan’s mostly put it out of his mind. Until his gap year, when he starts talking with AmazingPhil, and accidentally admits that he’s never come before. Phil’s happy to help with more than just convincing Dan to post YouTube videos, if Dan will just give him the chance.

Useless Pet (ao3) - omb

Summary: Dan had been in a breeding house for nekos all his life, he was abused there constantly. He is still only 14 and yet to be adopted. That was until a nice lady adopted him for her son, Phil. Phil always got into no good, and didn’t care about people. He didn’t really want Dan to begin with. He strictly treats Dan as a pet, until things start to escalate..

- Tori

[salavante]

Aesop 29 or the Helmsman

(I’ve drawn his floating head a lot, so here’s him with his hood up, which I draw less) Also formal apology because I think like maybe no more than four people who follow me play Destiny, so a couple things may sound a little esoteric. I’d suggest checking out the Ishtar Collective (links to offsite) if I refer to something unfamiliar. 

Full Name: Aesop-29

Gender and Sexuality: Male and Homosexual.

Pronouns: He/Him.

Ethnicity/Species: Exo, from the little crop of Destiny fancharacters that I have.

Birthplace and Birthdate: Unknown factor. But Aesop was found by his Ghost in the middle of nowhere, in a southwestern state that I have not chosen yet. Arizona, Texas, Colorado and Southern California are all candidates. Aesop has just a little bit of a Texan accent. 

Guilty Pleasures: Aesop is trying to learn how to play guitar and is really bad at it, making him very shy and nervous about his attempts. Similarly, Aesop enjoys singing, but usually does it when no one else is around - because no one else has really heard him sing before, it is a well kept secret between him and his Ghost that he’s actually pretty good. I personally like to keep the list of music that he likes to the 50’s-60’s bracket to match the kind of retrofuturistic style that the Golden Age tech in Destiny has. We the viewer read it as being ‘old’, even if it’s much, MUCH older than we realize because the setting is far future. That’s really all that matters, that we recognize it as being antiquated. His favorite of the very small pool of albums he has access to are Marty Robbins’ “Gunfighter Ballads and Trail Songs” and Nancy Sinatra’s “Boots” and “Sugar”. Sojourn teases him about it and has thusly introduced him to the feeling of shame. He also likes drinking alcohol even if it doesn’t actually make him drunk. Sometimes he does it out of spite. Someone you don’t like? Pound his drink right in front of him and walk away.

Phobias: Aesop’s kinda agoraphobic - he feels trapped and panicked in enclosed areas with lots of people, can be overstimulated by large groups of people talking/making a lot of noise. This makes him mostly useless in large-scale conflicts. He has managed to curb some of this by being accompanied by Sojourn or Calico to areas or situations that are high risk (whether that means a combat scenario or just going to The City), but this can get squirrely because Calico doesn’t have a ghost anymore and if killed would die permanently, and Sojourn has a tendency to get worked up in a fight and leave him behind on accident. If everything goes well though, Aesop is perfectly functional fighting in the small group that is his fireteam - himself, Sojourn (exo warlock) and King (human titan). His ghost, Chanticleer, can also sometimes talk him down if he’s starting to spin up into a panic attack. It’s something that he wants to fix, but, existing within the confines of your anxiety is a cold comfort that he indulges in. In general, he’s a very anxious person with a lot of existential dread, but he puts on a clownish, brazen act and hopes people don’t notice.

What They Would Be Famous For: Honestly, probably something very mundane, like breaking a dopey Guinness-style record or something like that. The entire point of Aesop is that he is very average in his skills in a world of blisteringly powerful space wizards and the like. I find his challenges are more about what goals he sets for himself and if those goals conflict with the status quo. Does his worth need be defined by how good he is at killing things vs. is the pursuit of personal wellness and happiness selfish in the context of a world fighting for its survival. Can these things coexist. etc.  

What They Would Get Arrested For: Probably something relatively benign done for the sake of pulling a dangerous stunt in the name of fun or looking cool. If he was a regular ass human in a normal modern setting, probably taking a nice vintage car for a joyride.

OC You Ship Them With: Aesop will have a love interest in the comic canon, but I’m gonna keep that under my hat for awhile yet. It’s not Cayde though, Cayde is dad. If Amanda Holliday was a man, he’d be utterly and entirely in love, but, alas. He’s still infatuated with her platonically though, and thinks she has pretty much the coolest job in the world. A promise of visiting her is a good way to entice him into going to The City.

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: When death is not a factor, this becomes less of an issue, hah. Aesop and his bff Sojourn have killed each other a number of times in training, to an almost nonchalant degree. Aesop has also been killed much more in training, by his fireteam’s resident titan, King. Aesop will also find a rival in a local Fallen pike gang, the leader of which has the placeholder name of Easy Rider. I also have a Cabal villain I am throwing around and trying to decide if they’ll stick, but I need to do a lot more work and research on that. They’re my least favorite enemy type mechanically, but I think they could make perfectly acceptable antagonists in a narrative. 

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Aesop does not read. He can, he just doesn’t. I think maybe, MAYBE, someone could get him to read comic books, but those aren’t very sturdy and I feel like the amount of intact physical copies at this point would be almost nothing. The pool of movies and media that he has available to him are very sparse, but he absolutely drowns himself in spaghetti westerns, and would probably also like trashy action movies if they were available to him. I also think he would like Grease, HAHA. It has cars and guys in leather jackets singing in it. He’d also probably like any kind of rustic, western themed musical. And anything with cars in it would have his immediate interest no matter how bad it is, but he’d zone out in any parts he doesn’t like. 

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: To be honest I think most of the time, movies are a little too long for him and lose his interest partway through. He has a really short attention span and anything too long, complicated or artsy will lose him and he’ll start being fidgety and chatty and start making his boredom everyone else’s problem. Even if there’s a movie he likes, if there’s a part that’s boring to him, he zones out. He probably watches the same 2-3 movies over and over again, which is fine because his available library of media is probably really small. I like to think that they probably have movies in some kind of archive that they put up publicly in The City every once in awhile, like they have a projector that puts it on the side of a building and people just bring chairs and shit. Aesop has an aforementioned fear of crowds but he probably does some hunter parkour bullshit and perches somewhere at a healthy distance to watch from afar, as long as it’s something he thinks he would like. If he doesn’t he gets up and leaves.

Talents and/or Powers: Aesop seems to have an interest in vehicles, but due to a bet with his mentor, Calico, he has not actually been taught how to drive a Sparrow and so pines for them from afar. As said, he’s learning how to play an instrument, and if we want to be technical, is a Gunslinger speced Hunter with the Golden Gun super. He is very bad at being stealthy, as he is very impatient and is also a little bigger than the average exo. He’s just kinda tall and wide and tends to clunk around. If his Ghost Chanticleer wasn’t as clever as she was, Aesop would probably be perma-dead by now.

Why Someone Might Love Them: He’s kind of a dumbass and a space cadet but has the potential to be very sweet, and the people he cares about, he latches on to really hard. Similarly, when set to a task he cares about, he does not quit. Unfortunately, many of his goals are unresolved, but it does not mean that he will stop trying. If he were to, say, become romantically interested in someone, he would go to great lengths to connect with him, even if it meant doing things Aesop himself may not like. In specific circumstances, Aesop may find that he has a great capacity for nurturing and bringing out the best in other people, a talent Aesop himself undervalues. Though he’s not all that intelligent, Aesop is very reflective and existentially inquisitive, and thinks about a lot of big picture stuff that other people might push aside in an era of crisis. Though he may not understand science or the way the world works in a mechanical sense, he is awed by it, and is a great appreciator of natural beauty. He’d cry at a particularly beautiful sunrise, if he could cry. I’d say he could be described as having a romantic soul.

Why Someone Might Hate Them: To be honest, Aesop has trouble establishing empathy with people he doesn’t know very well, and so is less invested in Earth’s plight than he probably should be (it would not be hard for Dead Orbit to sway him to their views). This makes some people think that he doesn’t take his charge seriously, and they also usually assume that he’s a slacker because he’s plateaued in his abilities so early. Really, Aesop is acutely socially anxious, can have panic attacks in large crowds, and generally prefers to stay away from The City unless he needs to go there, and so has a big emotional disconnect from it. Calico and Chanticleer have tried to get him more accustomed to groups, but has been thusfar mostly unsuccessful. His insecurity and anxiety also cause him to pull odd, dangerous stunts to prove his worth, making him unreliable and impulsive. He can bungle social interactions rather spectacularly, and is easily goaded into doing really stupid shit. Really, he is a person who may just be “too much” for some.

How They Change: Oooooghhh….I can’t talk about this. I forgot how frustrating it is to not be able to talk about things because you’re going to make a comic out of it. Suffice it to say he’s gonna change a lot.

Why You Love Them: I think Aesop encapsulates a lot of anxieties I have post-college. Aesop is a person in transition who is unsure of his future, knowing only that he can’t quit now, because quitting means failure and failure means death. Because he is in transition, he is anxious about forming relationships with people, worried that either he will be left behind by them, or that they won’t like him when he’s “finished” becoming a person. I think he has a complex relationship with his personhood and sense of self. I dunno, I think that’s an interesting anxiety for a protagonist to have. I am also interested to see what Aesop will end up contributing to his society/organization and his interpersonal relationships, and if he’ll be happy with it. I’ve put a lot of work into him, the ‘original Aesop’ I had in mind might as well be a completely different character now. Aesop was originally a little cameo that I did in our TTRPG game, Godslaughter, because my boyfriend had put a dunmer cameo character into our game and I wanted to return the favor. Then he made a sheet for him. Then I decided to keep him around, then I decided to play Destiny 2, then I decided I loved it, lol. There is still a version of Aesop in the TTRPG but he is so incredibly different, they may as well be different characters. We refer to him as “Bad Aesop” but should probably call him something more dignified (we won’t).

[spacechild-glitchypix]

There Are Voices In My Head (Not The Normal Kind Either) - A Sanders Sides fic

Note: Yes, that title is supposed to be a BMC reference. I also wrote this a while back as a sequel to Cookie Crumbs and Tears. Fun fact, that was supposed to be a oneshot fic but then a comment on the original story from someone named ‘Septiplier_Lover’ kinda inspired me to write a follow-up and now it’s a series

Summary: “I-I heard a voice,”

“A voice?”

After the incident from yesterday, Logan goes to Patton to apologise for what happened. However, Logan finds Patton staring blankly at a wall for seemingly no reason and becomes mildly concerned. It seems that poor Patton really can't catch a break with these things, huh

Pairings: Logicality 

Warnings: Patton has what is assumed to be a panic attack (it is treated as such), ANGST

Read on AO3 here 

Prequel fic (Cookie Crumbs and Tears) here

Sequel fic (The Healing Heart Fixes the Cracked Crown) here

Logan wasn’t exactly well-known for being a very social side. He wasn’t nervous or shy or anything of the like, he just found conversations to be hard to transcribe when he couldn’t fully understand how emotions work. And usually, if a problem was that he wasn’t knowledgeable on a subject, he would just become knowledgeable on that subject by researching and extensive interaction and experience on the subject until he knew it like the back of his hand. It wasn’t that he hadn’t tried to understand how emotions work either, Logan had done a considerable amount of research on the topic of emotions, finding out about many chemical reactions that occur in the brain through said research but none of what he did really help him become more social. He was still left puzzled when trying to interact with the side he was arguably closest to despite what his treatment of said side may have said.

Speaking of the side he was closest with, Logan was currently sitting next to him. Now, usually, this side would be colouring or playing around with a various assortment of objects. If nothing else, Patton would at least be more attentive to the other side in the room with him but not this time. Nope, Patton was fixated on a wall, a weak smile left on his face and Logan was currently considering the idea that maybe the usually optimistic side was possibly daydreaming. That idea was quickly tossed out once Logan noticed the change in Patton’s smile. It had somehow diminished, faltering a little with the faint catch of a corner even quivering. Logan was concerned, he’d come to apologise for his abhorrent behaviour the day before but he was genuinely worried about whatever was going through his colleague’s head. Patton seemed to try and shake off whatever was bothering him (literally, he shook his head gently) before focusing back on reality.

It was then Patton noticed him.

“GYAH- L-Logan! Hi! What’re ya doin’ here?” Patton looked visibly shaken but he at least tried to pretend he was fine. Logan wanted to push on that topic a bit but he figured that he was here for a reason, he needed to actually apologise to him.

“I was looking for you and here was where I found you. I just wanted to give my sincerest apology for my actions yesterday. What I did wasn’t necessary or warranted and I realise that I must’ve hurt you horribly. That was noisome-”

“Noi-what now?”

“That was despicable of me. So, I humbly ask for your forgiveness and I will promise myself a favour to you and to improve with my behaviour so something similar to my outburst doesn’t happen again,” Logan wasn’t great at apologies, he never knew exactly what to say and never really knew if his tone or wording came off as too brash or abrasive for the apology to be accepted. That’s why he typically avoided confrontation, no need to apologise if you don’t find a situation where you’d need to. Again, an odd sentiment for him considering his love of learning but that love of learning had a limit and Logan’s was emotions and anything tied to them.

Patton beamed at the more logical side, utter joy filling his eyes at Logan's apology. It wasn't too surprising to Logan that the fatherly side immediately decided to bring him into a hug, squeezing him tightly. Logan had been trying to become a little more touchy with the elder side, the sudden hug hadn’t been too uncomfortable as such but the squeeze he was subjected to after they had been hugging for a few seconds did present a decent amount of pain and Logan attempted to rub circles in the other’s back to, hopefully, lessen to force put into the hug. It didn’t and Logan was left curious to why Patton had decided to tighten his grip. When pulling the elder side back slightly, he was left unsuccessful in lessening his grip and it was at that point where Logan knew something was deathly wrong. This either wasn’t Patton or Patton was going through something bad and Logan suspected it was the latter if their usual interactions were any indication. Patton only refused to let go of a hug if he was feeling particularly bad or if he was completely out of it and that was what Logan was worried about. Turning his head, the logical side made an attempt to get a look at Patton’s face.

Patton looked horrified.

Immediately, Logan attempted to shake Patton out of it, lightly rocking the side back and forth to try and wake him up from whatever daze he was in. It didn’t work. Next, the logical side tried to call out to his friend, calling his name at a moderate volume. It didn’t work. Logan was quickly running out of options and decided to try both shaking and calling out to the elder side. His volume was rising; Logan realised this was most likely the result of panic- of concern about what was happening to the side that was held in his arms at this very moment. Logan tried shaking Patton a little more violently in return.

It didn’t work

Patton was hyperventilating, Logan could feel his quickening breath becoming weaker with terror and he, out of sheer adrenaline, managed to pry the older side off of him. Logan quickly but gently cupped the other’s face in his hands, taking note of the mix of tears and snot flowing down his face. Not a pretty sight but a sympathetic one nonetheless. Logan got Patton to look at him dead in the eye before offering the other side a soft, gentle look. It wasn’t often Logan would lessen his hardened expression for anyone except maybe Thomas and occasionally Virgil but he felt that a soft gaze was necessary as to prevent the fatherly side from going further into whatever trance that had fallen upon him. Patton was slowly but surely calming down.

“Patton, take deep breaths. Try and focus on your breathing for a moment,” Logan recited the same mantra he’d done with Virgil when the anxious side was having his own panic attacks. Ever the analytical side, Logan had made sure to look up ways to help someone through a panic attack for Virgil’s sake and, while he wasn’t sure if what Patton was experiencing was a panic attack, he would at least treat it like one. After a few minutes of Patton focusing on levelling out his breathing, Logan decided to speak up again.

“Ok, do you think you can tell me what just happened? If not then try focus on the environment, name five things you can see,” Logan’s voice, usually direct and harsh, had gained a gentle lilt and a softened tone. His hands had let go of Patton’s face but he kept a steady gaze on the other side. Patton took in a deep breath before letting out before looking back at the side that was currently talking him through a vague episode.

“I-I heard a voice,”

Logan barely made out the sentence, Patton’s voice was oddly quiet and almost weak. Logan did hear what Patton had said, confusion taking over his mind at said statement.

“A voice?”

“Uh-huh. It was deep and kinda scary. It was also echo-ey like it was coming from my head,” Patton held a look of concern, of fear. Logan was left lost, there weren’t any conceivable reason Patton would be hearing voices. Thomas didn’t have any notable mental health problems that would lead to Patton (or any of the other sides for that matter) having any sort of auditory hallucinations. And isn’t like it wasn’t coming from Patton’s own head, Logan would’ve heard it otherwise.

“And what did it say?” Logan was becoming more concerned by the moment, not helped by the fact that Patton had gone silent at the question. Patton was hearing voices, why wouldn’t he be worried. It wasn’t even just the fact that Patton was hearing voices, it was the fact that there was no reason for him to be hearing voices in the first place and that fact made Logan worried for what the voices had said. Finally, Patton spoke.

”It told me that you hated me,”

Logan stopped, frozen. Did Patton honestly believe he hated him? A sudden wave of pure guilt flooded over Logan and the usually contact-avoidant side quickly wrapped his arms around the elder side, pulling him into another embrace, this one more gentle than the one Patton had given him earlier. One of Logan’s hands stroked through Patton’s hair while the other traced circles into his back with a finger. Patton returned the gentle hug, snuggling his face into Logan’s shoulder.

“Patton, I’m so sorry. I never meant to make you believe I hated you, I honestly don’t. In fact, it’s quite the contrary if I’m to be honest with you,” Logan has always known that he’d held a strong affection for the emotional side, however, he’d never known what to call the absurd affection before. He never wanted to assume it was anything more than just platonic but reducing his emotions at the moment seemed completely counterproductive and unhelpful.

“How come you’re so mean to me during the videos then?”

Logan paused, trying to find a way to word his statement without revealing too much but while also not coming off as too cold. This whole incident with the voices probably only became so bad because Logan legitimately did come off as aloof and mean to most people, especially people such as the emotion-based Patton. The logical side always considered the interaction he’d had with Patton harmless banter, something the other side could just brush off akin to Virgil and Roman’s banter. Apparently, that wasn’t clear to Patton himself. Guilt filled Logan’s system further at the thought that he’d caused Patton further grief that may have possibly trailed back to before the voice had appeared.

“I never meant for it to come off as rude, I have clear problems understanding social cues. I didn’t quite realise how my words may have hurt you but they did and I apologise. I apologise for every awful thing I’ve said to you, I apologise for shoving you yesterday, I apologise for underestimating you; I apologise for everything I’ve done that would ever make you think that I hate you,”

Patton was silent and Logan was curious about how the older side was feeling. The two hadn’t separated from their position and Logan didn’t really want to pull the cuddly side off of him, not after what he’s been through. He wasn’t letting go unless Patton wanted him to. Said side decided to snuggle further into Logan’s shoulder, still remaining quiet and Logan deduced that blue-clad side was probably tired and using Logan as a headrest again. The logical side decided to let his friend drift off to sleep, keeping the room quiet and noiseless.

It was silent.

“Logan?”

“Yes, Patton?”

“The voice is still there,”

“Is it still trying to tell you that I hate you?”

“No but it’s still lying, it’s just lying about other things. I think it’s getting desperate,”

“It probably is,”

It was silent again.

“Logan?”

“Yes, Patton?”

“Thank you,”

Logan smiled.

[mineofilms]

“Someone To Watch Over Me”

Episode 22, Season 5 of Star Trek Voyager (4/28/1999) is the story of the EMH (Emergency Medical Hologram) mentoring Seven of Nine (Earth-Human BORG rescued by Voyager and turned human again) in romance and dating. Things get complicated when the EMH develops feelings for Seven of Nine.

When I saw this episode it immediately peeked my interests. In the past I have written a lot about dating, relationships and sex. I have experienced so much in this area that I tried to rationalize how these 2 characters would actually react in these situations in the now.

We have to also examine when this episode came out and what was happening in the world and how TV stories were told in 1999.

We were about to change the 1st 9 in 1990’s to a Zero. TV was about to evolve. During this time Star Trek in general was still trying different things that was related to our society, as the Original Star Trek (OST) did in the 1960’s. Stories in Star Trek were still character driven. However, the Star Trek the Next Generation (TSG) films went from a very large character based show to bang bang, shoot’em up action films; with very little character structure. That is a separate subject all on it’s own.

Go watch the RedLetterMedia’s Mr. Plinkett Reviews on the TNG films.

The shows were untouched by this and were pushing for more complicated character based studies. Voyager was the last Star Trek show that made this a main point to their plot structures. You have two very complicated characters and their character arcs over the 7 seasons the show ran for.

This was right at the cusp of when realityTV began gaining momentum. It got so big in those first two to three years that most TV shows were now based in some sort of reality based situation. It even poured into fictional TV stories. No more 15-24, hour long, anthology and episodic style story telling. Nowadays almost all shows are between 8-15, hour long episodes that are directly connected to each other. One cannot miss an episode without missing key points in the story and characters. Think Mini-Series but double the episodes for the season.

Back to Voyager and 1999…

The EMH is exactly what it is described as. An Emergency Medical Hologram. However, this hologram has a complete medical database of human and other aliens programed into its memory. It’s personality is based on the MD that was the original person. During Voyager’s mission back to Earth they unlock some of the safe guards of the program because the ship’s actual Doctor was killed in the very 1st episode. The ship needed a Doctor that not only could think and feel on it’s own, but also be able to travel out of the medical bay where the holo emitters were. Voyager is in the 24th century and gains that ability stealing 29th century technology during their voyage. The EMH begins to develop his own independent feelings about his reality. How he fits into it and whether or not he is actually alive. He has his own thoughts and feelings, just like a human.

Seven of Nine, born on Earth to the name of Annika Hansen, was captured and assimilated by the BORG when Annika was only six years old. When a human is assimilated by the BORG they lose their individuality. From Annilka’s point of view she was 6, captured by scary Aliens and her consciousness drifts away once the BORG technology buries her personality/individuality forever. The next moment, 18 years later; she awakes when her link to the BORG collective is severed. Cut off from the Hive mind of balance, order and control, now 24, and being totally isolated. She has more memories of her BORG existence than as a human.

So basically, Seven of Nine has 3 separate distinct personalities all living/sharing/feeling/growing together. A mini-hive mind. You have her 6 year old self, her only pure human personality. You have her BORG memories, like a computer ruled by pure logic. Lastly, you have Annika… The human adult trying to blend her 6 year old self and her BORG self. She goes back and forth over the years dealing with this. She ultimately wants to become as human as she can. She makes huge strides with the crew as making friendships go and wants to go the next step.

The EMH has been mentoring her in human behavior, as he is programmed with all the knowledge and years of experience to do the job. The logical next step is to teach Seven what dating and romance is. I really liked how the EMH separates dating and romance as 2 separate distinct things.

The Doctor’s direct quote… “One step at a time. Dating is a human ritual, wherein two people share a social activity, get to know each other. In time, it can lead to a romantic involvement, and eventually, if all goes well, even marriage.” The keywords here are “One step at a time” and “can lead to.”

This does not imply dating will lead to romantic involvement, but could lead to… Our definition of Dating these days seems very broad to me and very open to interpretation! I mean this definition of dating seems pretty solid to me, even without looking it up.

On merriam-webster.com the only reference to romance directly associated to dating is; “that often has a romantic character.”  This does not mean “WILL.”

So, I feel the Doctor’s short version of this is pretty accurate. With that said, I feel the concept of dating here starts strictly as a platonic meeting of 2 people.  

It should also be noted that in 1999 on TV same sex romantic involvement was ok and normal in the Star Trek Fiction, just not widespread, like we see now on TV and in Star Trek show/film in this century. So I do not mean offense to same sex relationships here.

The message I got from this story was the Doctor working so close to Seven about dating and romance that he begins to have feelings for her and does not know how to communicate with Seven of how he feels. He tries several times to say what he feels but by the time he realizes how to say his feelings to Seven she becomes completely uninterested in furthering these interactions with the Doctor.

Basically, Seven feels she learned what she wanted to know from the Doctor and wanted to further her own research and discovery on this matter. The metaphor is like Friends With Benefits… One starts the arrangement and the other begins to develop more than friend feelings. One or even both begin to fall in love and it just wreaks havoc on a friendship. Now, not always. However, we all have gone through this ourselves or were close to someone that was going through that. We have seen so much of this but it doesn’t always have to be that way.

This story can also mirror how teenagers fall in love for the first time. With the complications of sex as adults. I am just talking about 2 teenagers that are growing into sexuality but fall in love young for the 1st time. It is really innocent in that respect. The Doctor even though he has the knowledge programmed into him. He still is just learning what loving someone else is all about. Seven, doesn’t even grasp what the emotion and affection is. In terms of teenagers. She is like 12 and over developed while the Doctor is 15 and knows what liking a girl is like already but feels even stronger here.

The lesson here for me is all about open communication with your lover. Not just your lover but the person you want to be your lover. Or even someone you like but are not sure how you feel romantically about them. It starts at the friends part.

How many times do we see this on the subject? “I just want my lover to be my best friend.” I see it a lot. It takes time to build that. It doesn’t happen right out of the gates. Even though realityTV will tell you. Yes, it can. Remember that shit is Scripted Reality. The parties know what is going to happen. What isn’t written is how they get there. That is all filled in by their reactions. That is the only Reality part of it.

A guy shouldn’t talk to 15 different women and just going for the one that will blindly follow his ass. A guy should talk to 5 women and try to make everlasting friendships with them. If one sparks romance then that works for me.

The quote goes… "Like Cold Water washing away Heated Emotions... Its Quality versus Quantity, but Quantity has a Quality all on its own..." Evan Currie. I say; Its Quality versus Quantity, Quality has a Quantity all on its own...

If you care about someone. Let them know… I love you… 

“Someone To Watch Over Me” By David-Angelo Mineo Words 1,507 1/1/2021

[commentaryonhowwelive]

March 2015. Age 22. Walking

“Jay and Winding Trail”

I like to think of my loneliness in a plethora of positive ways. It’s not loneliness in the general sense that I experience, but rather a mellow contentment with only myself on purpose. Relying on only yourself is kind of like the ultimate back up plan for happiness. On the flip side, it’s ok to to try to seek happiness through frivolous social interaction, such as going out for drinks with friends or going on dates. After all, we’re social beings and thrive on social interaction.

We never would’ve gotten to where we are as a species if it wasn’t for our social instincts. However, I think that we’ve come to the point that our need for social interaction can be substituted with our capability of cognitive synthesis. We can idealize, hope and dream, long for the perfect life, whether we’re experiencing it or not. And whether or not we have a good thing happening at the moment, there’s always tomorrow. Today will make a good story regardless.

“Jay and Juhles”

I remember reading somewhere about the concept losing and gaining the same amount of something being equal objectively, but not always subjectively. 

In other words, the act of losing something hurts more than having gained it. 

In other other words, it feels worse to lose $100 than it feels good to gain $100. 

In even more other words, say that your happiness can be measured on a scale of -100 to 100 happiness points. Losing $100 brings you to -75 points but gaining $100 only brings you to +35 points. It’s easier to become more sad by losing something than to become more happy by gaining that same amount. So what’s the point of trying? It’s the same with people. Don’t risk the loss of people, whether it be via platonic or romantic relationships. It’s so easy to be happy alone, that why even put forth the effort if everyone’s going to be gone out of your life at some point anyways? This is why I was alone that day.

“28th and Walnut”

I pulled on the wire.

“Stop Requested”

The LED sign at the front of the bus flash between “28TH AND WALNUT” and “STOP REQUESTED”.

It came to a halt and I walked out without making eye contact with anyone. “Thank you have a nice day,”

The bus driver gave a head nod and two finger wag/wave as I walked out. It was about 50 degrees in Boulder and the blue sky set a beautiful backdrop in every direction I looked. Only a slight breeze, not even enough to pierce to my cotton jacket, let alone my flannel underneath. All I wanted to do was walk that day.

I love walking in general. It’s so human, so natural. I have a body and legs, so by god I’m gonna use them. That’s my one of the only reasons for why I like walking so much.

I liken it to the way that a monk named Ben that I met while working at a summer camp would look at running. I always ran for the “normal” reasons: getting and staying in shape, anxiety relief, letting loose my anger. Running has always been cathartic. I remember one morning at camp seeing Ben at breakfast and asking how he was doing. He beamed at me and said “I’m well. I ran this morning.” 

I asked him, “How far?” to which he looked slightly puzzled as to why I asked such a question and replied, “I don’t know, maybe 2 or 3 miles?”

I, on the other hand was curious why he didn’t pay attention to how far he ran. 

I wore my Smart Watch religiously to keep track of how far I’d ran, how fast I was running, altitude differentials, the list goes on. But the way he described it to me made me feel like I’d been running the wrong way my entire life. It seems challenging to run the “wrong way”. It’s not like I was running with my shoes on my hands. No, it wasn’t the physical difference that made me feeling like I was running incorrectly, but rather the lack of connection I had with the synthesis between my body and the world. I have a body that can run and no matter how I think about it, whether my higher level cognition actively turns it into a game of goals and achievements, all my body actually wants to do is run and doesn’t care if I run a 7:33 pace or a 7:32 pace.

He ran for none of the reasons I ran. He ran because he had legs and by god he was going to use them. He ran because his body wanted to run. He wanted to experience what his body was capable of doing and embrace it. He ran for no other reason than to run and to feel himself run. It’s so simple, and creates such a feeling of exhilaration when you ignore everything but the feeling of your body.

So I walk. I still like to run, but when the opportunity arises, I walk. I walk even if I have a car, even if it’s slower, even if it’s slightly less convenient.

It was needless to try to convince anyone how beautiful that day was, so I walked. I watched the bus chug on ahead, letting people off all the way down the road every few blocks until it was out of sight. I could’ve got off at any of those stops, but I chose to get off earlier. No particular reason why, I just could.

My backpack light on my back, I cut through some residential streets to the Boulder creek path then turned west. There was a sense of peace and gratefulness among everybody out that day, happy to take advantage of one of the first few warm days sprinkled into the beginnings of spring. I saw a family riding their bikes together, a mom, dad, and daughter of probably seven. A woman lay under an aspen. A crew of college students playing ultimate frisbee on the high school soccer field. A homeless man had his backpack emptied, presumably to air out, as he sat next to the creek, looking into the constantly moving water reflectively.

I saw all these people as I meandered along the concrete path, the icy cold stream humming along to my left, the evergreens sticking out like a sore thumb among the bare deciduous trees. Many of the people I saw were spending time with friends and family. I could’ve felt a l negative loneliness as I walked alone. I could’ve felt a sadness that I didn’t have anyone to walk with, or anyone to meet up with later. But I didn’t I was walking and experiencing my body just like everyone else was doing in their own way and I loved it.

I had no plans. I was planning on going home and winging some Indian curry. “Do I need anything else from the grocery store?” I wondered to myself as I walked comfortably alone. “tofu...green and red peppers....onion...I just bought curry powder....coconut milk...” my eyes perked up, “Oh right, I want to add kale,” I thought as I looked for the next turn north so I could walk to Sprouts to buy some greens to add to that night’s dinner.

Spending time with people is nice. I enjoy it. But I’ve found that I’m just such great company for myself that I hand’t had a desire recently to make an effort to spend more time socializing. My pizza delivery job gives me plenty of connection to people. I can chit chat with my coworkers while we make pizzas and joke about unruly customers, “oh god, toe sock guy with his cat...plug your nose when he opens his door!” we joked like brothers. 

When I was a kid, my brothers and I would turn the volume all the way down on the TV and make the voices for the characters. It was funniest when my older brother did it, he’d make the old lady talk about how she was so old and nobody loves her and all the little children would yell mean things at her. I laughed so hard I remember not being able to breath, then wanting to do it myself but it just wasn’t as funny. He was a lot better at it than I was.

I got a lot of practice doing this while I worked my delivery job, and I started doing it during my walks too. Maybe my brothers would’t find it funny but I cracked myself up with it. I pretended I could read their minds and think about the absurd stuff that they’re thinking and hiding. I’d make funny voices for them, exaggerating their characteristics and quirks.

Recently, it seemed like as soon as sad thoughts tried to enter my head, the bouncer didn’t let them in. My brain was like a club and the thoughts inside were having a good time. They could look outside and see the sad thoughts try to enter but the bouncer stood firm. They left. The everlasting party casually carried on.

“Things are pretty alright right now”, I thought to myself, quietly mumbling the words under my breath. I thought of all the personal problems I’d encountered since moving to Colorado.

Depression. Anxiety. Longing for home. Loneliness. 

These are things that could've been going on in my head, but they weren’t there. I saw those thoughts, and they flew away out of my periphery like a magpie. I whistled as I walked. No one was there to tell me to stop whistling. It wasn’t bothering anyone.

None of those so-called problems seemed to matter any more. I was overcome with a sense of peace. Not of jubilation, not of stoke, not even really happiness. It was just a quiet calming. It was as if I could look at these things that wrapped tightly around my brain and my lungs only a few months ago that seeped into my neuronal pathways like an infection, and now I could look at them objectively like items on a table. One quick swipe of my hand and they all went crashing to the floor. This was how I felt ever sense I started taking Lexapro. Lexapro was the bouncer and my consciousness was the club. All of these extreme feelings that sent me sinking into my bed at 2 in the afternoon all of the sudden turned into birds and just flew away.

I did meet a beautiful girl recently. I’m not giving her too much concern, but I think I might invite her over for dinner.

[ginnamaarie]

Mark & I at Winter Ball!❄️💕

Our first Halloween together!🎃🦇

Our work’s Winter Banquet☃️🎄

I think the caption explains itself…

Thanksgiving!🦃🍽

Welcome to the first official post to my new blog! Before we get into the normal “everyday” posts that will generally appear here, I promised you guys that I would recap my past school year for you all since I’ve been sort of M.I.A. on all social media! Let me tell you, I thought last year was crazy? This year has by far been the absolute craziest of my life! – and I wouldn’t change it for a thing.

You see, unlike last year, this year’s crazy has had some of the most amazing crazy!! Okay, yes, coupled by some terrible crazy, but the good, the amazing, absolutely positively outweighs anything bad that has come my way this year.

I left you guys on a pretty crappy note in my life. I set my last post to private, because it’s negativity I don’t want sitting on my site, but for those of you who read the post, you know that last year was a crazy time in my life, that made me learn a lot. I had been dumped…twice, by guys I thought were pretty cool (not to say they aren’t cool, they just weren’t the types of guys I would want to be in a relationship with). I was in a pretty dark place, I had put myself out there and put my heart on the line, and it got crushed. That never feels good.

I ended my last post saying how I wish I would find my prince charming, the love of my life, and that I was going to keep going forward and focusing on myself and my goals, and that I’d find the right one when I would and that would be that, but if I’m going to be honest with you all, I was not very hopeful. You see, I’ve always had this vision of the perfect guy in my head, what he would act like, what his personality would be like, the different things he would like, and the things we would do together; this vision has always been so specific (like, annoyingly specific) that I never thought I would ever find him. So when I got dumped (twice) last semester, I truly believed that there were no good guys left out there. I truly believed that I would never find my Prince Charming, and that I was destined to settle for a relationship I never wanted.

I left you guys in a place where I was wishing, hoping, praying that things would get better, that I would meet someone new, but no end was quite in sight. There was no light visible at the end of the tunnel, and I was left trudging through the dark like an idiot, hoping I’d eventually find my way.

Well, luckily I did.

If you guys follow my Instagram, you already know the news — sorry this reveal isn’t fun for you guys — but this year, I found my Prince Charming, and I have never been happier in my life.

His name is Mark, and we met at work. It’s actually kind of a funny story how we started dating. We each worked in a different office at the college we go to, so we never formally met last year, but our offices worked together very often, so we saw each other a couple times, but never interacted. I always thought he was so cute from afar though, and as he tells me, apparently he thought the same thing.

The second the semester of last year, our offices announced that they were merging with one another, so because of this, (as I said in my last post, I’m a videographer and photographer) I started getting scheduled to cover events for the other office to start the merger slowly before it was official the next semester (Fall 2017). The first event I covered was an Open Mic Night, which unbeknownst to me, Mark worked. This event was a week after my first boyfriend broke up with me. Honestly, at this point I was totally fine; I really wasn’t upset about the breakup at all, but at the same time, I wasn’t necessarily on the lookout to start dating someone new, so I didn’t talk to Mark at all. He noticed me that night though, and asked one of our coworkers who I was. She told him about me, but mentioned that I had just been dumped, so he figured it wasn’t the best time to try to talk to me and see where things could go, so we didn’t meet that night. Of course the next week was when I met Hans, which is the nickname I gave my ex in my last post, and if you read that one, you know how that went. I always jokingly yell at Mark for not talking to me that night — boy could have saved me so much hurt! haha! Also, I just would have loved to have met him even sooner!! But everything happens for a reason, and I needed to go through that…I don’t even know what to call it, I don’t necessarily think it was a relationship — whatever it was — I needed to go through it to know what I wanted in a relationship, to know what I wasn’t going to put up with, and in some weird way, to know that I’m worth more than what I had been given at that time.

ANWYAY — fast forward to our summer training for work — the newly merged office. Initially, I wasn’t the biggest fan of the merger — I don’t like change (or rather big changes) — but after a day or two, my mindset definitely changed. I met some awesome people, and started making a lot of new friends, and I realized that these new coworkers weren’t as different as I feared they’d be — our offices really had the same goals, and this merger turned out to be an awesome plan! Along with this, spoiler alert, there may or may not have been a certain person who made the merger a little more appealing.

I noticed him the first day of our training — I mean it’s kind of impossible not to notice Mark, he is one of the friendliest people you will ever meet, and hands-down the most enthusiastic person on the face of the earth; he’s loud in the best of ways, and lights up every room he walks into — I thought he was the most adorable human being on the face of the earth, and when I saw him interact with those around him, I saw how genuine of a person he really is, and I fell for him — hard. But everyone in the room seemed to not only know, but love him. I thought, He’s so loved by everyone, I’ll be lucky if I can even be friends with him. I never thought in a million years that he would actually be interested in me! So I set out to just be his friend, because I thought even that would be unattainable.

I could talk about Mark for a million years — sorry, I’m a girl in love! (spoiler alert) I can’t help it!! —  so I’m going to try to start condensing here fam!

Basically, Mark and I didn’t talk so much during training, but that’s only because we both thought the other would never be interested in a relationship (basically, we’re both idiots), but at the end of the training week, we had these personalized bags where you could leave notes to people with nice memories and such from the week — they were called “Warm Fuzzies” — and we both ended up writing each other one. I remember mine was kind of platonic talking about a joke we had because (contrary to the vibe of my blog post here) I’m not generally the mushy type. When I write, I get super mushy, but that’s not generally the Gina you get in a public setting, let alone when I don’t know you that well yet. Also, I had told myself I was not under any circumstances EVER dating someone I worked with again … that worked out well. Mark on the other hand, was much more adventurous than me, and wrote the sweetest little note that warmed my heart. I still have it to this day, and I like to read it every once and a while when I miss him. — ew, that’s so mushy, don’t tell him I said that.

Okay, so I know what you’re thinking…GINA SHUT UP AND GET TO THE POINT. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m getting there! And I know what else you’re probably thinking — umm, so if neither of you thought the other was interested, and neither of you was making a move because of it, how on earth are you dating now? Well my friends, that is a beautiful question.

So during the first event our office held for the semester (one of which I was covering) our bosses came over to me and told me they wanted to set me up with someone. I was really not having it at this point — again, to recap, had just been dumped by not one, but two guys who I worked with in this same office. I did not want to date someone I worked with again! So I told them I wasn’t interested, but they pleaded that I at least hear who they had to say. Internally, I was praying they would say Mark, but I knew they never would — my life has never worked out for me the way I wanted it to, why would it now? I didn’t want to have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing whomever they were about to mention that I was not interested in dating around at work all the time — but curiosity killed the cat and was not about to spare me, so I caved and asked who it was,

…and they said my ex’s name.

LOL JUST KIDDING! Come on, you guys made it too easy to get you there! They said Mark’s name, and of course, I immediately took back all of my prior oppositions to the matter, and in my best attempts to act cool said, “Well, I’d be willing to see where it goes.” Smoooooth

I know, I know CONDENSE – CONDENSE! So my bosses didn’t tell Mark that I was interested, or in fact, ask if he was interested until a week or two later. They told me they were going to wait to tell him, but I didn’t believe them, so every time Mark complimented me or flirted with me, I was sure it was because he knew that they wanted to set us up, but little did I know, he had no idea. So when they finally told him, he asked for my number (because we all KNOW I’m WAY too chicken to ever make the first move) and we started talking.

A week later, during a blacklight dodgeball game he was playing and I was covering, he told me that if he won the next game, he would take me out the next week. He almost single-handedly won the game in about 45 seconds — best game of dodgeball I’ve ever seen. A couple days later, we went on our first date, a week later we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend, and 8 months later I still fall even more in love with him every day (ew barf, I know, I need to stop).

Of course there’s been way more to this year than meeting the love of my life, which I intended on going into in this post, but…well, I kind of got off topic I guess! This year has had a lot of ups and downs, but Mark has been with me through them all. I don’t know what I would have done this year without him.

I’ll probably write another post later in the week about the drama from this semester, but until then, I hope you all enjoyed this incredibly long, barf-worthy post! I promise this blog isn’t going to be me talking about boys all of the time, we’ll be getting to more fun things from here on out!!

If you guys have any topics you’d like me to write about, questions/requests/ let me know!!

Until next time!! Gina💕

Where to begin? Welcome to the first official post to my new blog! Before we get into the normal "everyday" posts that will generally appear here, I promised you guys that I would recap my past school year for you all since I've been sort of M.I.A.