#isn't it more important to let them go to fucking school in peace instead of forcing them to remove it

[just-a-little-unionoid]

You know I think we can resolve a lot of our problems and moral dilemma by asking ourselves "does this really matters that much?"

[the-eeveekins]

The 21st Day of G-Witch: The End of Hope

I think there was an expectation that Suletta would immediately jump into action after the revelations of the last episode, but this is a far more realistic outcome. The three people that formed the core of pretty much her entire life up until this point pushed her away, and it's not like she could just hop onto a ship and jump into a warzone to see them. Not knowing what to do next, she continues with her school life, trying to find a new purpose in life that isn't trying to live up to the expectations of others.

Kenanji came in trying to handle this the right way, with a peaceful negotiation. And while Shaddiq probably would have bought enough time to successfully move Sarius out of Asticassia, if Guel doesn't charge it screaming everything they know, Shaddiq also probably doesn't let loose Norea into the school to cause a massacre and force the SAL into action.

Norea's anger towards Spacians due to the way Earth and it's people have been exploited and abused is entirely justified. It's just unfortunate that if she hadn't let herself be completely consumed by it, she might have been saved, and seen the potential better future.

Nika and Chuchu have always played important roles in the show at different points and for different reasons. And it's so incredibly frustrating that after they're reunited, we never get to see this conversation as the resolution to their personal plotline together (and that instead, we got the conversation with Nika and Martin).

This whole fight is incredibly frustrating, because it's really trying it's hardest to paint Guel in a positive/heroic light. But Shaddiq and Sabina's criticisms of Guel are absolutely spot on. Guel grew up having a privileged life because of the oppression of Earthians, and even after seeing that oppression first hand and seeing how his father and his company played a role in that oppression, Guel still idolizes his father and still wants to maintain that company that causes so much suffering. And to make matters worse, Guel's own habit of charging into situations without thinking as led to so much suffering, not just for him, but for others.

It's not like Shaddiq is a hero either, and his attitude with regards to Miorine in this scene continues to be gross and fucked up. But while Shaddiq and Sabina are trying to create a better world for Earthians, Guel is fighting to maintain the status quo, even though he's seen first hand what it does and has suffered through it.

Sadly, anyone who has seen a Gundam before knew this relationship would end in tragedy.

Another episode that ends with a punch to the gut. The way the title dropped after Suletta sees Petra left me with chills, followed by the students grieving over the dead bodies of their friends.

This is probably one of my favorite Suletta moments in the entire show, and it's the moment where I really, truly fell in love with her and knew she would be one of my favorite characters ever. After starting the episode not knowing what to do and seeing her classmates injured and killed in the attack, Suletta decides that's she's going to help, however she can.

Even if she can't save everyone, even if she gains nothing from it, Suletta tries her hardest to try and save anyone she can, working into the night to save people still trapped in the rubble. Suletta has always helped people in need, going back to her work as a rescue worker on Mercury, and even continuing to her time at Asticassia where she rescued and helped Miorine. And with that, Suletta finds her purpose, and Suletta decides for herself how she wants to move forward.

[ruvviks]

HELLO..... 1, 4, 10, 27, 38, 50 and 67 for lorelei pwease 🤲

d&d oc asks!

1) what drives them? what’s their ultimate goal?

lorelei is driven by her need to understand. she isn't necessarily after knowledge because of power or something like that it's just that she wants to understand how it all works for like, peace of mind i guess? i haven't worked out all the details of her backstory yet but especially considering she's a firbolg, time passes and she grows old so slowly and those around her age faster and well she's a chronomancy wizard because she wants to UNDERSTAND. why do her friends have to die so quickly while she herself lives so much longer. it's just not fair

on top of that she has difficulty working through things and grieves very long, especially the longer something or someone has been in her life the harder it is for her to let go. she knows it's not possible to make things eternal so to say and wouldn't be chasing after that but she's more just looking for a way to make things easier, and not just for herself but also for everyone else struggling with the same things

4) what one person, place, or thing do they love more than anything else?

now it would be very easy to mention vatha here because lorelei and vatha end up together BUT. i'm going to be honest with you here and say it's ward <3 lorelei and ward traveled together before they got the whole party together and lorelei cares about that dumb man so fucking much it's unreal. they're besties they're worsties they're partners in crime they're gay lovers they're homophobic to each other they would kill for each other they would kill each other they would die for each other. do you understand me

all jokes aside ward IS very important to her because they're each other's support system. they're each other's number one fan but in like a reliable way? if lorelei needs ward's honest opinion on something she's come up with or made then she knows that he WILL be honest with her. and that's very important to her. and to have someone who is like that with her and who she herself can be honest with too while knowing that it won't push them apart is SO good

10) what inspired this character’s creation?

i was building a new party to start writing a story for and i REALLY wanted a firbolg especially after critical role campaign 2 so that's what lorelei started as :) initially meant to be a sorcerer but then campaign 3 started and imogen was introduced and i was like Well i can't do that there's too many similarities then. so i went with wizard instead <33 i used to have another firbolg character at some point but that was for a school assignment so i basically grabbed the essence of her and used that as inspiration for lorelei LMAO

27) how do they usually dress? why do they dress the way they do?

lorelei mostly wears dresses with light armor over and under it! very flowy and silky fabrics but none of that very expensive stuff it's mostly just. cheap fabrics with some sort of magical enhancement to it to make it look shinier and stuff like that :) she often wraps the bottom part of the dress kind of sort of around her legs with special wraps to make it more like a jumpsuit sort of?? if that makes sense?? does the same thing when wearing skirts when the party needs to travel on foot for a long time. not a fan of actual pants but she will begrudgingly wear them when absolutely necessary

one thing about lorelei is she just loves dresses and loves being able to move around freely. which is why she mostly wears those :)

38) do they see themselves as an important part of their party?

lorelei does yeah! she thinks everyone in the party is very important and that would obviously include herself then, she's not the only spellcaster but she does have a lot of very powerful spells the others don't have. especially the ones that are more chronomancy based :) she's also the tallest of the party and when i say tall i mean TALL. which is very good for being able to see things and intimidation

50) do they have a go-to beverage, alcoholic or nonalcoholic?

lorelei will drink essentially anything but she is a sucker for warm mocha cream chocolate milk. i was too lazy to come up with a name for the drink but that's essentially all the ingredients <3 makes you very sleepy so it's perfect to drink after dinner

67) do they consider themselves to be special?

lorelei would definitely consider herself to be special but more subconsciously than actively so. she knows what she's capable of and knows that not many others would follow into her footsteps especially with how dangerous chronomancy can be and she also knows that she's not still alive because of pure luck. there's skill involved there. she's worked very hard to get to where she's at now and she's very proud of herself for that :D

[letrune]

This is a callout post for people in the 1920s Hungary, but if you see familiarities... Maybe that is a problem with how our world is. Lots of sarcasm and obscure references ahoy!

Radical leftists' leftism leaves the body the moment someone has to choose between Apathy McDon'tcare and Bloodax Arthur the Childflayer, and decide to go with McDon'tcare. You know, instead of bravely not voting, or, e horrible dictu, just blowing up a railway bridge and killing 104 innocents.

Also, anarchists crying that people want to have a food bank to help the people "but we are anarchists, every man for himself!", and then ignoring a massacre next town over, because they were too busy banning school ("teachers are a hierarchy! Ban all hierarchies!"), and hanging all the people they don't like from lampposts. This is why people started to believe the stereotype, the loudest of you guys did spent more time fighting and banning stuff than actually trying to better people, and advocated for compounds with no connection to the outside world.

Or very radical communists crying that women can vote now, because Marx wrote a letter way back in university about "women be shoppin, amirite boiz?" and "but them feeemaleeees are so emotional, unlike us menfolk AND IF YOU DISAGREE IMMA BEATCHU UP INNA PARKINGLOT!" or somesuch. Because we all know that people never change or how your ideas in university will remain with you, and ALL of Marx's words are Holy Writ...

Oh, also, fuck fascists. Wait, let me paraphrase the OG antifa, Karel Čapek: "fascism is a malliable, hazy, cowardly ideology, worshipping a leader or a great cause like a primitive tribal worshipped a deity and excusing his empathy to kill anyone from other tribes. Fascism will be a downfall of humanity if not stopped before it gets to power", 1925 or 1926? It was included in a post-book addition in my copy of War with the newts, where the editor talked about how Čapek had this odd understanding for the future and was right on the money.

You need to know this: the angry Austrian artilleryman was not even in politics yet.

Royalists and other anti-democratic groups... really? You have FINALLY got the chance to have elections and you want to toss it all away? Why? Because the poor can vote? Because peasants and serfs get a chance to be more equal? It is just the pining for the old days, isn't it, ignoring how much it sucked to anyone actually involved.

Also, Hungarian soviet, it was great of you to dissolve serfdom. Why did you left half the system in place anyways? Had you ran out of time, or was the infighting more important than liberation? Or because most of you were upper-middle class during the Great War, and then slipped into the middle class,, you haven't had to meet them and thus not heard them?

So, who am i not calling out from the 1920s? Well. I guess the pacifists and most feminists. They often worked together, they often pushed for greater liberation and empathy in society.

And then they were both called "liberals" and "woke" and "pussies" and so. Just in 1920s terms, because degrading language is more what the 1940s brought into politics and got so bad, that in the 2020s, Hungary started using the English terms "woke" and "gender ideology" (okay, we stole that one from the Russians who stole it from the 90s Vatican, but you know what I mean).

So yea. 1920s Hungary should suck an egg. It only costs 33.477 pengő! 258.265 by the time you finished reading this.

And anyone who repeats the same mistakes, I hope you find empathy, clarity and peace. You can be better than the 1920s Hungary was. You can change, unlike the past. I got hope for you.

[chemical-killjoy]

The UN Needs To Change.

WOAH WOAH WOAH hold the FUCK. UP. I mean I knew the UN was a little fucked up, but there's veto power?

OK first of all, I'm mad I was never taught any of this in school. We need to learn about what's going on in other countries (not just western world ones or major powers) today and also their history. Not just ancient greece, rome and egypt, and our own countries as told by the victors. It's fucking important and I feel so stupid having to learn about this myself by researching at 20 years old. But I'm going down the rabbit hole so I know these things and hopefully (if this isn't too much of an essay) you guys will know too if you don't.

The UN has this thing called veto power. It's where the five major powers (the UK, USA, France, China and at the time the USSR, now Russia) have the right to reject an application without needing to have the major rule of the council.

Simply? If one of the Big Boys™️ says "I don't agree with you guys, even if you're all against me" they can still get the final decision to approve or reject whatever the council was voting on.

Also, these countries are what are called "Permanent Member states" on the 15-member security council, which means they cannot be kicked from the council, even after there 2 year term is up. Sounding rigged, huh? Let's not forget this setup hasn't changed much since 1946.

They can also choose to not veto things, and just not vote instead (abstain), and like most democracies (if you can call this such) if 9/15 vote for something, majority rules... But of the 10 non-permanent members, five are elected by the General Assembly each year (though they have a 2 year term, it's non-consecutive). But at least there are rules for this, with representation? The council has to be made up of: 5 members from African and Asian States, 1 from Eastern European States, 2 from Latin American States, 2 from Western European and other States... I don't know how I feel about these numbers tbh, especially considering that's not counting the Big 5.

(For anyone wondering this year's security council is Albania, Brazil, China, Ecuador, France, Gabon, Ghana, Japan, Malta, Mozambique, Russian Federation, Switzerland, United Arab Emirates, United Kingdom, United States)

Let's take a look at the number of times the big 5 have used their veto power:

At least France and the UK have told their mates it's not nice to use it that much. Because that really helps.

(Quick side note, YES, Russia has used their veto power regarding them grossly brutalizing Ukraine).

You want to know what else stood out to me? So there are 193 member states in the UN. There are 195 (recognised) countries in the world... So which 2 aren't part of the UN? The Vatican City and the State of Palestine.... I.... Yeah, I don't even have a response for that. Things need to change.

Look, the idea behind the UN is great. A peace keeping assembly made up of as many countries in the world as possible. It does help sometimes. But it needs one hell of an update, because this shit just can't continue.

Here's some links to where I got my info.

The UN veto voting system

Bloody important page with a ton of info and links

Countries in the UN

Even more important article (where I got the graph)

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

Anon said: tried to read through all your request rules, but I didnt specifically see which Characters you write for. If you do, could you write for Porco helping his S/o sleep? I have super bad insomnia most days, and I just really want something fluffy with Porco...just cuddles or stories or something. If you dont write for Porco though could you switch it with a AoT character you do write for, I'm not really picky. Thank you so much in advance! 🥺💗

Porco helping you sleep

{Porco x reader | tw:none | sleep help, fluff | canon }

{ "The Night School" C.1660-C.1665 By Gerrit Dou 1613-1675 }

Unmoving shadows cast into the empty white walls, slightly flickering with the flame on the white candle sitting on the nightstand. Half lidded eyes observe their small movements for they're the only interesting thing in this empty hotel room you've been assigned. 

Your beige uniform tucked into the small closest with a single hanger inside, the armband hanging on the closest door for easy reach. The squeak of the spring mattress chirping up whenever you moved to flip your too stiff pillow. 

Judging by the amount of melted wax collecting on the bottom of the candle, you've been awake for far too long. 

This isn't the first time this has happened, you're used to getting acquainted with the room's walls and shadowy furniture.

Sleep has abandoned you long ago, its friend insomnia visiting you daily instead. Only leaving every week or so to remind you of what you could never have, taunting almost.

You've tried to force yourself to sleep really, did every known trick in the book, you even tried mediation like Zeke has been preaching to you about, but to no avail. so you've started making peace with the thing, you know at least using the night time to get things done since you're not getting rest either way.

Books were your first friend, for staring at the walls could only be entertaining for so long, but now with your stash of books miles away back home, you're left with nothing else to do.

The nightstand drawer only contained an emergency gun with several bullets inside, and the pocket knife under your pillow wasn't interesting enough.

Getting up from the bed, you picked up the candle before slowly inching the creaky door open. Maybe a glass of water could help, who cares that this is your third time going for water in the last hour? Well hydration is important after all, or so you tried to bargain for an excuse to stretch your legs.

Attempting your best to glide through the old wooden boards without as much as a squeak, you headed towards the kitchen, passing through several other bedrooms in the process, probably all deep in dream land already.

Everything was too quiet, the sound of water filling the glass was the only thing interrupting the silence, its cool feeling going down your dry throat helped you a bit.

Drinking down what you can, you decided to take the rest with you back, a good excuse for a trip to the bathroom later. Although as you turned, a figure was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and staring at you.

"Isn't it too early for breakfast?" Porco said, covering his mouth with his hand as he yawned, "you should get some rest while you can, we're getting thrown in the front trenches tomorrow." 

Just the mention of it made your stomach roll at the thought of staying in a muddy hole for days, the smell of gunpowder and yelling of soldiers, not to mention the crowded train rides back home.

"I know, it's just…" you stared at the water moving inside your glass while tilting it, "one of those days, you know?" 

eyes narrowing with his eyebrows pulling down in concentration, even Porco's sleep clouded mind could recognise the heavy bags under your eyes. The ride here used all of your energy and now you're too tired to even sleep.

Feeling an unpleasant weight on his chest, he wasn't sure what to say as he approached you, awkwardly leaning against the sink, a heavy sigh left him.

"You know, you should bother me more often, I don't mind it." His gentle tone was followed by a melancholic smile, "let's just...go to bed."

With that his hand wrapped around your wrist, loosely at first like he was reluctant about it, before it got more secure once you didn't pull away.

…

The old door gave out a creek as it closed behind you, the room dimmer than you left it with the candle you're carrying almost burning out. 

Looking at the small bed with a single pillow, you wondered how the two grown people would fit in it and judging by the frustrated look Porco was eyeing it with, he must be thinking the same.

Looking at him, your mind wondered back to all the battles you've fought together. For some reason the superiors always seemed more strick and harsh with him, especially after the paradise mission was launched.

Belitting and nagging, carelessly throwing him in risky situations.

Your grip tightened around the water glass, feeling growing thickness in your throat. "Hey...it's okay you can go to your room, you need sleep." You said moving past him to sit on the bed, "I'll be fine."

"Should've thought of that before waking me up, now scoot over." He said, rising an eyebrow and stepping closer.

"I didn't wake you up, you're just a light sleeper." Laying down, you stretched your limbs filling the bed, "there's no room, it won't fit."

Silence filled the room for a while, you could feel his eyes roaming over you, "Oh really? Well…"

One second, you were laying on the mattress while staring at his stubborn expression in confusion, the next a pair of arms was lifting you up as he stole your place before dropping you on him. His arm circled your waist not trusting that you won't pull away

"I made it fit." he looked at you with smugness in his eyes

His warm skin felt comforting against yours, contrasting with the cold room air, you could hear his slowing heartbeat with being so close to his chest, your legs slowly tangling to fit under the blanket covering you.

Apparently that's as far as his genius plan went, because after that an awkward silence filled the room.

"So...you made it fit huh?" You couldn't help but say, a grin slowly spreading on your face. 

Porco blinked in response, tilting his head, before his eyes stilled as his ears flushed. "Fucking god, you're such a-" his attempt to scold you was interrupted by a chuckle escaping mid-sentence.

Having a contagious laugh, soon enough you too joined him.

After it died down, the atmosphere was replaced by a much more relaxed one as his hold on you softened, more intimate than the previous one. 

"When I was a kid, i used to have trouble sleeping- well more like i was too stubborn to fall asleep." Porco said, trailing his finger up your back soothingly, "and since Marcel was stuck sharing a room with me, he'd tell me stories to get me to fall asleep."

"What kind of stories?" 

"...if you tell this to anyone I'm reporting you to the higher ups you for treason, they were flower stories." Clearing his throat, you could feel his heartbeat rising under you, 

Closely watching your reaction, Porco continued after some seconds. "now I'm not calling you a kid nor do i think it's as simple, i just think...we should give it a chance." 

With the heaviness of the blanket above you and warmth of his body underneath you, it was hard to refuse his request, especially with the way he looked at you so earnestly. 

You agreed, and felt his other hand reach to pull up the blanket more, tucking you protectively between his body and the soft fabric. 

"This first one is called...well i don't remember what names Marcel gave them, but it's about poppies."

Crimson red bringers of eternal sleep, their crumbled petals and dark centers often found in the ancient tombs of soldiers.

As the mother of nature, Demeter, mourned and grieved from the betrayal of Zeus, it wasn't only the mortal realm in which death loomed at every corner, for her own mind was a tormenting prison of never ending suffering.

And so a droplet of her blood sprang and flourished to create a six petaled flower, easing her heartache if only for a moment as the poppy put her to sleep, numbing the pain.

Following in her trail was a red carpet of poppies, soon enough death and sleep themselves wore the flower, red crowns resting on top of Thanatos's held up head and one almost slipping from Hypnosi's leaning one as he dozed off. for eternal sleep was only another name for visiting the underworld. 

A symbol of peace in resting and condolence for the loss of a loved one, became the poppy's role. 

"This is why you'd often see them in people's front pockets whenever we return home." Porco said, the light slowly vanishing from the room as the candle burned itself out, the flame snuffed.

You've never questioned why a delivery of poppies would always be on the requirements in each returning celebration, it's just always been there. 

Slow and easy breathes flew through you, lazily stretching your arms up till it met something soft. Porco seemed to tense as your fingers loosely combed through his hair, leaning into the touch after a while.

"Don't stop." He murmured, sleep clear in his voice as another yawn left him.

"Do you have any other stories?" Drowsiness sweeping through your mind, you buried your hed deeper against his neck, eyelids fluttering shut.

"Yeah just…" his hand stilled from behind you as he looked into space attempting to recall a memory, soon enough the soft stroking returned. "This one is about peony."

Named after none other than Paeon himself, these flowers lived up to their reputation of healing and honour, for they have their own story to tell.

How the peony came to be declared king of flowers.

During the Tang dynasty, empress Wu Zetian strolled through her garden. Frowning at the empty field of green covered in thick white blankets of snow, the harsh season not showing mercy for the plants.

With a new goal in mind to flip this dreadful looking graveyard of a garden, she set to defy nature for she is the ruler of the land and her word is law.

Per her majesty's order, all flowers shall bloom in the midst of winter's visit.

As the word travelled far, all the fairies in the land couldn't believe their ears, how could such delicate fragile petals grow amidst the storm and snow. For flowers only bloom in spring, how could we go against mother nature?

While merciless mother nature was cruel, she couldn't compare for the empress's strong rule. For the fairies feared for their wings as their knees shook in her presence.

When the sun shined again, it welcomed colourful fields of different flowers in full bloom. The empress was pleased with their sweet smell and proud colours, each one rivaling the other.

And yet, she stood still near one flower bed, eyes wide. The peony deified her words and stubbornly refused to open, only sticks and brittle leaves left in their place.

In a fit of rage, the empress banished the flower to a far away city, striping away their status.

Living up to their stubborn nature, the peony bloomed that spring the most beautiful flowers humans have ever seen, turning the city of Luoyang into a heavenly soft land as their petals danced through the wind.

But their beauty couldn't last long, for a hungry fire swallowed them all, under the order of the empress who turned their green to coal.

And yet to everyone's surprise, when the earth circled the sun again, the peonies were back in bloom. Springing from the ashes were their mesmerising big petals and soft colours. 

In their respect, the fairies crowned them for their bravery as the ruler of the flowers, for wasn't it for their sacrifice the flowers wouldn't have been freed.

"They stayed on the right way, even if it meant going against the world." Porco's slurred words were half muffled against the pillow, head buried in it, his eyelids seemed to get too heavy for him to force them open again.

Turning his head to the side, you felt his lips press a light kiss against your forehead before whispering a goodnight, his hold still comfortably secure around you as if you might slip away. 

Soon enough, you too drifted into sleep as only his soft snoring filled the room. The moon watching over both of you through the windows as her light barely reached inside. 

And at this instant, you didn't think there was anywhere else in the world you'd rather be. Thoughts of what the future holds were pushed to the back of your mind next to the past, for the present is now and what a waste it would be not to bask in these rare moments of peace in this horrible world

[thequibblah]

⭐ honestly there are so many things that I'd likevto ask which is why I want to ask a broaderish question.. How do you approach the characterisation of your "Main cast"? I think you have created some really great complex characters even though they do not exist in canon or even fanon (Germaine in example)

I hope this isn't too broad lol

no, i don't think it's too broad! just let me know if my answer doesn't actually touch on what you were wondering about haha

character creation for me tends to be spontaneous rather than conscious — i.e. i'm just writing my way through a scene and i'm like anyway, these people are new and they're friends or they're dating or they hate each other, and there's rarely a ton of forethought put into it. the vast majority of the ct cast was like that, i would say, except possibly michael, who was the first love interest i invented so there was a little more intention there

(but other than him i was really pulling things out of nowhere for the rest of the students especially — including with emmeline which sometimes surprises me)

the exception is, of course, the main cast. they and sara were very intentional, and i wrote little bio thingies for them before i started even outlining the fic. i mean the non-canon main cast, of course, lol — mary, dorcas (they're both canon but i've invented virtually everything about them, so), and germaine.

i did actually do a lot of hemming and hawing about how many girls there would be in lily's year in gryffindor. as discussed in a previous "my beef with j/k/r" instalment on this blog, the numbers of the hogwarts population really don't make sense at all, so i knew i could be flexible and kind of hand wave any questionable bits away. but the composition of the gryffindor girls was crucial in deciding lily's characterisation, imo — an easy way to convey implied characterisation is to show someone in contrast to the people around them. so: who is lily within the context of her friend group? is she friends with all the girls she rooms with?

separately, i've always liked writing friends in groups of four. in the planning stage of this i was like urghhh it's four girls, the four marauders, is that like too perfect....... and one thing i HATED was that people could then map on each marauder to each girl (lily = james is a bit questionable, though i firmly believe they're much more alike than they seem, but it kind of works.... mary = sirius, dorcas = remus, germaine = peter). and i didn't, and don't, want to make it seem like i've just made vaguely distinct female versions of each marauder!

i've made my peace with that risk, of course, and i think each of the girls is significantly different from "their marauder" (LOL) that it's actually fine — and, better still, if that thought occurs to anyone i hope that their characterisations will go on to provide interesting nuance to the parallels

but, anyway, tangent aside, i love groups of four because i think basically all my life i've had groups-of-four friendships. to absolutely go to bat for us foursomes, it's nice because no single person is the obvious odd one out, and each combination in pairs brings something different to the table — the role that doe plays in the group of four at large, for instance, isn't exactly the same as who she is in her individual friendship with mary, lily, or germaine.

the three main cast members came of some very clinical answers to those initial questions about lily.

one, i have always liked having mary be one of lily's friends, and in my characterisation of her she's obviously a great foil to lily, as a fellow muggle-born student. so, she was a lock.

two, i wanted to write one other canon order character, but i didn't want it to be marlene because in my reading of her canon mention, lily is unlikely to write a letter to sirius with her full name (paraphrasing but "i was so upset when marlene mckinnon died, i cried for ages") or, indeed, write a letter discussing how sad marlene's death made her, if they were besties and schoolmates. i went with dorcas because why the hell not? in developing her i then added all these thoughts

three, i felt the need to make up an oc so i could have absolute freedom over their fate. i had certain preconceived notions about mary and dorcas and what their stories would be, so there were other things (e.g. playing quidditch) that i wanted to have a friend of lily's do that they couldn't. plus, i wanted to write a massive lesbian.

another little sticking point, though, was that i (for a very SHRUG?? reason) didn't want lily to be besties with everyone she's lived with, but i didn't want to insert a catty rival into her dorm either. (now, don't get me wrong, i do love a good rival. i did, after all, write mary and amelia, and i am a known appreciator of carlotta meloni, and i adore TLE's marlene mckinnon. but i wanted the gryffindor girls to be like lily's safe space — a contrast both to her home life and to her recently-strained friendship with snape, where she's spent some time having to second-guess herself a lot. in my mind her friendships with all three of her besties coalesced at various points organically, until she was like wow wait i do actually have a home base here.)

the compromise was someone who was friendly with lily, but there's no strain on that friendship to be more than it is — which, sara and lily respect each other but have also learned they're not so alike that they need to hang out all the time. sara, to lily, is the girl you do things with because you're schoolmates, and then once you're out of school you amicably drift apart and occasionally leave a nice comment on their instagram

so that was how the gryffindors coalesced in my mind as placeholder figures. i will fully confess i start with tropes and then work out ways to deconstruct them or complicate them — as i've talked about in multiple of these questions, i think a lot of my characters are caught between sticking to their perceived label and acting the way they want to, aka the ripest high school drama fodder known to humankind

Wearing a fake smile and watching her sister’s sickening love life had put things in perspective a little. Why should she always do what was expected of her?

(we construct ourselves in contrast to those around us....)

mary started off as boy-crazy, doe started off as idealistic, and germaine started off as struggling to find her place. then i built up from those foundations, adding in tropey bits i enjoyed and wanted to engage with — i wanted doe to be passionately principled, but the gentler counterpart to mary, and even-tempered where lily runs hot. i wanted germaine to be a little bit thoughtless, changeable, someone utterly herself but still uncomfortable in her own skin. knowing, then, that the other two were going to be, how shall i put it, gentler hearts (LOL), i went back to mary and decided she would have this tough-girl, queen-bee persona.

then doe got her family background, which added in her ambitions and hinted at her future, and made it so her foundation would be threatened by events of the story. obviously i was writing mary in the aftermath of the mulciber/avery incident, so i needed to ask how much her take-no-shit vibe was threatened by it — and if not, why? how? unsurprisingly, even to people like amelia...

“At least I’m not overflowing with insecurity,” said Amelia. Mary laughed. The sound echoed through the courtyard. “We both know that’s not true.”

...the persona is put-on, but the "real mary" is so caught up in the invented mary that even she couldn't hope to uncover an authentic self...nor would she necessarily want to, because her affected self is still her...

wait don't get me started

germaine was already a quidditch player, and i wanted her to be a seeker because that's automatic investment in perhaps the single player with the most impact on the game — crucial for what i knew would be many, many quidditch sequences, where james wasn't always the most important pov! some of that seekery vibe leeched into who she is: she's searching, right from the start, for a sense of self that feels just out of reach:

“This year is going to be a year of change,” Germaine said [...] “Henceforth I will be going by... Gemma.” The girls looked at one another for a beat. Then Lily, Doe, and Mary burst into laughter.

she's more anxious and outwardly uncertain than her friends, and i wanted to consciously engage with that — proper teenage awkwardness, the kind that wouldn't really happen to Main Character lily, I Have No Sense of Shame mary, and I Am Overflowing with Good Sense doe. more than the other three, germaine is a normal person in the context of this world — she's not a muggleborn, so the war has a different impact on her; she's not the child of activists; she's not well-off. an absolutely spontaneous invention that i was really quite thrilled by was having her sister be crouch's secretary, because it's such a sudden, shocking realisation for her that she's got such a close connection in the thick of it

Germaine clapped a hand over her mouth. “Big news soon,” she mumbled. “Big news soon, that’s what Abigail said, only she didn’t say what big news…”

so germaine is really just... living her life, an indie coming of age film in which her friends' subplot is a fucking war LOL

i defined germaine in contrast to the other girls a lot when drawing out the characters for myself, mostly for a practical reason — i didn't want her to overlap too strongly with any of them, since she's the only one who's wholly my invention. i think some of that remains in her characterisation, but i decided to make it conscious instead:

Germaine saw herself as a happy medium, flexible enough to stretch sympathetically between her friends. But— What does it mean that I define myself in comparison to them? Nothing. She was only seventeen and she was finding her way.

i knew germaine was going to get the chaotic sporty romance pretty much right off the bat, but, fun fact, i hadn't actually picked out who her love interest would be until after i started spitballing other sixth years' names and had a basic idea of who emmeline was. wild!

i feel like i haven't said all i want to say but let's stop there or i'd go on forever, ha!

[mickmarstookmyheart]

Bad Memories

Pairing: Mick Mars X Reader

Synopsis: While you are trying to enjoy your peaceful morning with Mick, your sister calls you with az unexpected demand. Your past comes up again which you don't like.

(I will correct the mistakes tomorrow)

Being the girlfriend of a musician meant constant tours and music all the time at everywhere. Seeing the guys almost every night on stage playing their chosen instruments made you jelaous. Then you remembered that you wouldn't stand on stage and play. Never.

It was a rainy and overcast October day. You and Mick chose to stay in bed a bit more since you had nothing to do that day. Your head was laying on his chest which was rising slowly. You loved listening to his steady heartbeat. His fingertips were caressing you bareback while his other hand were behind his head.

"Miiiiick. Please!" You asked nicely.

"Yeah?" He sighed.

"Would you be so kind and make some coffee?" You looked up with puppy eyes. He rolled his.

"I made it yesterday, too." He stated. He knew that these kind of peaceful mornings are rare and tried to enjoy every second of it.

"Good point. Then give me 5 minutes." You murmured into his chest. After a while you heard Mick's quiet snoring making you drift back to sleep, too. A loud ringing noise woke you up from your peaceful dreams.

"I will kill whoever this is." Mick groaned reaching for the telephone. "It's your killer, what do you want?"

"Hey, Mick. It's me, Isabelle. Sorry if I woke you up." Your sister apologized on the other end of the phone.

"Oh, hey. What's up? Haven't heard from you like in ages!" Mick's face brightened up while you frowned thinking who this lucky person could be.

"Nothing special, just the usual. Is (Y/N) there? I really need to talk to her." She asked.

"Yeah, sure. Is there a problem?"

"Well, nothing serious." Mick handed you the phone.

"It's (Y/N)." You said with a quite sleepy tone. You sat up while pulling some blanket from Mick who answered with a pillow behind your head. "Hey!" You snapped making him smirk.

"It's me. Your sister." Isabelle started to get annoyed. "(Y/N)! Are you here?"

"Yeah. What is it?"

"You know there is gonna be a party. Here at university. A Halloween party."

"That's good, I guess?" Making a phone call this tired didn't help.

"Sure. Also, me and some guys formed a band you know."

"Really? You haven't told me." It was good to finally speak to her. It was quite a long ago since you have a nice sister to sister conversation. You glanced around in the room and spotted an oversized tee on the ground. You got out of bed which was hard cause Mick didn't let you at first. You couldn't help it cause you felt the urge to walk when you were speaking on the telephone. "And... what's the name of the band?"

"Eggheads."

"That's what I call creative." You giggled.

"Wasn't me who came up with the idea, you know." Isabelle huffed.

"Maybe you should've asked Mick. He has some ideas." You glanced at the guitarist who tilted his head not having any clue why he was mentioned. "So what's the deal, sis?"

"There is this party and the head of the uni asked us to perform."

"Congrats. That's a big thing!" You cheered.

"Let me finish. So yesterday our guitarist, Mike, had an accident and broke his arm. He sure won't be able to perform."

"Oh, that suck. I'm so sorry. Also, sorry for not performing." You played with the wire of the phone.

"Well, don't be. Cause I have a wonderful idea!" She had a devilish smile on her face, unfortunately you couldn't see. If you could, you would've known what she was up to. "There is a girl I know who could play instead of Mike."

"Good to hear. Is she at the uni, too?" You asked still not suspecting a thing.

"Not exactly although one of my best friends." She said sighing. "I'm talking about you, (Y/N)."

"What?" The blood froze in your veins. "You aren't serious, right?"

"Don't tell me you are still not over what happened years ago!"

"I am...just.. it's pretty hard." You were rubbing your arm with the other.

"Please, (Y/N)!" She begged. "It will be fucking cool, I promise."

"I don't know. I haven't played since then. I will mess up."

"Give the phone to Mick."

"Why?"

"Heard me. Give me the guitar lord." Isabelle ordered. You handed the device back to Mick who took it happily. He was really fond of your sister.

"Did you manage to solve the problem?" Mick asked while he was eyeing your worried facial expression.

"Almost. Would you refresh my sister's guitar skills in two weeks?" Mick's eyes widened while you shook your head.

∆

"Why didn't you tell me?" Mick asked watching the red light from the car.

"Tell you what?" You were looking out the window to avoid eye contact. You knew what he was talking about and it wasn't your favourite topic.

"That you can play the guitar."

"I thought I can have secrets. And it's not a big thing."

"If you say so." He was watching you from the corner of his eye. He noticed that you were worried, well, rather freaked out. "Would you mind telling me why are you like this? Or is it a secret, too?"

"I fucking knew." You pulled your hoodie's strings stronger so nothing could be seen from your face. You crossed your arms and didn't say a word.

"You look like a kid who didn't get her Barbie." He chuckled.

"Haha. Very funny." You murmured.

"Aren't you happy that you can meet with Isabelle? Cause I sure am!" He smiled. Sometimes you were wondering why he liked your sister this much. Mick only tolerated people. "Hey. Mars to Earth. Are you here?" He asked while poking your belly making you giggle.

"Stop." You tried to catch your breath. Mick smiled, he loved hearing your laugh. "And I'm sorry for my behaviour. It's just a quite sensitive topic for me. Only Isabelle knows about this and she doesn't think it's important." You were playing with the strings of your hoodie. "I guess, you want to hear the story."

"Only, if you want to. But yeah, I would love to hear it." He smirked. You took a deep breath and started you monologue.

"Not a long story, don't worry. So years ago some friends of mine formed a band. It were the boys and me. We were a cover band but tried to create some original ones though I was the only one who wanted that."

"Sadly, I can relate." He sighed.

"I'm sorry." You took a look at Mick who placed your hand into his. "Unfortunately, this was the minor problem. After one of our concerts, I had an accident. I fell of my motorbike. I broke my arm and one of my legs. The doctor said I was lucky." You had a sad smile on your face. Later, deep down you wished you had died instead.

"We were on a so called mini tour, we were performing at universities and high schools. Since I was at the hospital I felt horrible because we couldn't perform. At least, that's what I thought."

"You were replaced, right?" Mick squeezed your hand feeling sorry for you.

"Yes. But that wasn't my problem. I thought they were my friends. They didn't even visit me. After, I recovered more or less, I went to our place where we usually practiced. There was a new guitarist, a guy, who told me to fuck off." You laughed. "I was on my way to punch the guy, but our singer stopped me. He asked why I was there and that he fired me. His reason was that they didn't want a girl in their band and that I wasn't playing well anyway." You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. A tear ran down your face and your eyes were gloomy. You chest was heavy but you tried your best not to cry.

"Fuck them. Fuck them for embarrassing you. And where is that famous band now? Nowhere! Darling, I'm so sorry. But they don't deserve your tears." He wiped your tears with his thumb. "And I'm sure they still regret their decision. If you play as good as good pictures you take they are a dead band." He pecked your lips making you smile.

∆

"Are you ready (Y/N)?" Your sister asked. You and Isabelle's band along with Mick were at drummer's garage and were about to practice. It was the 5th day and you were improving. That's what Mick said though you didn't believe him. You nodded and started to play "Live Wire." On the set list there were Mötley, AC/DC, Van Halen, Scorpions, Bon Jovi and many more. An old good feeling took over when you touched the strings. Your fingers remembered and it made you happy. During the solo, Mick was admiring you, he adored your concentrating face and he noticed that you were enjoying it. When the band finished the song you were still in shock how good it had turned out. Mick was clapping as well as the others.

"Wow, (Y/N)! It was hell of a solo." Robert, the singer congratulated. Isabelle was the bass player, Tim the drummer who owned the garage. You ran your fingers through your hair in embarrassment. You still didn't get used to compliments regarding your play.

"Thanks. And are you sure Mike isn't angry?"

"Nah. He said it's pretty cool that the girlfriend of Mick Mars will substitute him." Tim snickered. "Also, he is apologizing for not being here. His mother didn't let him."

"Poor little 22-year-old boy." Isabelle chuckled putting down her bass. She walked over to you and took Mick's precious guitar from your hand.

"Don't worry. I won't smash it on the floor." She yelled seeing the guitarist's facial expression.

∆

Halloween. Costumes, candies, and spooky decoration everywhere. You wished you could dress up as a witch or something cause that fluff you called your hair was hidious. Vince lent his bandana as a mascot and Mick one of his guitars.

"I look horrible." You looked in the mirror dealing with your hair.

"Babe, this is how we normally look on stage. You look badass. Also, very sexy." He murmured to your neck hugging you from behind.

"He is right, sis." Isabelle came back to the dressing room with a bigger fluff. You held your hand over your mouth not to laugh loudly. You noticed that Mick's was in the same state.

"I think I will go. Find those idiots and keep an eye on them." Mick said while pressing one last kiss on your cheek and left the room.

"(Y/N)! Listen, you will be great. Just remeber to relax. Take a deep breath and the key is to enjoy. Concentrate on the music, feel the music. Watch Mick, pretend you two are the only ones in the room." She placed her hands on your shoulders looking in your eyes.

You were the last one who stepped on stage and the crowd were already insane.

"Alright, alright ladies and gentlemen. Before we start this hella concert, I would like to introduce our temporary guitar player, (Y/N). You will see a powerful sister duo on stage tonight. Prepare yourself. The show is beginning. Are you READY?" Robert screamed in the microphone as the crowd shouted as one person.

During the concert you felt an energy which you couldn't compare to anything. You felt powerful and you thought you could accomplish anything at that moment.

"I would be scared if I were you, Old Man." Vince stated as he was watching you from the side of the stage with Mick. "We might get you replaced with (Y/N). She is sexier." Mick kicked the singer in the ankle making him groan.

∆

Taglist: @leatherandheels @safari-karrot @littlemisscare-all @crazyrockrlady

[punkscowardschampions]

Edie & Liam

Edie: [Okay, so a school trip moment for Edie for Politics and Society where they've gone down to the local courts to probably watch the most boring cases of people paying parking fines etc lol so have fun with that babe] Liam: got the hots for any criminals? Edie: the dude refusing to pay his child support is just my type Liam: pity I don't have any 👶 I've binned off for you Liam: all I've got going for me is how willing I am to catch a charge Edie: We're gonna snatch one, already decided Edie: daddy issues withstanding, no one here is as interesting as you Liam: when I find one with 👀 like yours Edie: 🥺🥺🥺 Edie: I'll make one for you Liam: would you? Edie: I'd do anything for you Liam: I'm just testing you, baby Edie: Test away Edie: my brain is dribbling out my ears over here Liam: don't lose it, we need it Edie: I need you Edie: what are we doing later to bring back my will to live? Liam: anything you want Edie: I might have something Liam: am I guessing or are you telling? Edie: I don't wanna get your hopes up Edie: but I heard rumours, some kid in my year reckons he's found an empty Edie: and that his brother and his mates are gonna squat in it Edie: but it's in a really fuck off big house in a decent part of town, so idk if it's bullshit or what Edie: but it'd be fun to trash if it isn't Liam: we could kick them out, stay for a while before we do Edie: yeah? Edie: play 🏡 with me Liam: somewhere nice to take the 👶 to Edie: Wonder how many rooms there are Edie: can have a playroom and everything Edie: lucky bastard Liam: do you think there's a garden? Edie: even if it's really in town, they'll still have a perfectly landscaped backyard, patio, room for a swing Liam: sandpit for our buried treasure Edie: and the dogs 🦴s Liam: great idea to blame the dog 💀🦴 Edie: I think so Edie: failing that, the previous owners Edie: clearly left in a hurry because the body count got out of control Liam: won't look suss that all the little pussies from your class who are looking at you now when they shouldn't be are in there Edie: I can think of a thousand reasons they deserve to die Edie: yours is the best though Liam: it's the most important one Edie: I don't want anyone else to look at me Liam: put your jacket on Edie: [stealth selfie 'cos p sure you are not meant to have a phone in court lol] Liam: you'll feel better now Edie: 🤏 Edie: what lesson are you in? Liam: maths Liam: about to stick a pencil through my own eye Edie: save one for me Edie: I love your eyes too Liam: right or left? Edie: left Edie: it's the side the tattoo is on Liam: 👌 Liam: [a selfie that he's edited to get rid of an eye] Edie: my cyclops Edie: still hot Liam: eye patch isn't as useful as a fake leg but I knew you'd be into it Edie: you can stash some in the socket Edie: or a 💎 Edie: can't bury all the treasure Liam: 💍 Edie: 🥰 Liam: when can you get out? Edie: when do you want me? Liam: I wanna find the house & make it nice for you first Edie: [screenshot of this kid in her year going off about it/inviting her with the address etc] Liam: I'll go now Edie: I'll pretend the cases have upset me and ask to be excused when I get the chance Edie: then I can go into town and steal all the stuff we'll need for the house Liam: don't forget the 👶 Edie: I'll look in all the prams for the bluest eyes Liam: has to be a girl though Edie: they're always decked out in all the pink Edie: even if I've left some of my brain on the seats Liam: get some clothes too then Edie: your babies would be so beautiful Edie: not like pink screaming blobs Liam: if she looks like you I don't mind her screaming, can do whatever she wants Edie: I'm in love with you Liam: I know you are Liam: & you know how I feel about you Edie: yeah Edie: you take care of me Liam: I'm trying to Edie: you are Liam: I want this to work Edie: then it will Edie: I'll do whatever you need me to Edie: be what you need Liam: you're perfect Liam: he knows that's why he invited you there Edie: but I'm going to be with you instead Liam: who is he? Edie: dunno, he's barely in any of my classes Edie: Craig something, his brother is called Sean, you've probably seen him at shit, even though he's been out of school time Liam: yeah, previous raves & shit Edie: right Edie: just think he knows I go to that shit too Liam: I just need to broadcast a bit louder that I'm with you now, everywhere Edie: How do you wanna do that? Liam: can't let you out of my sight if it means you're in theirs Edie: I'm not mad about that Edie: I want to be with you all day every day Edie: but I'll stab my eyes out before I look at anyone else Edie: you know that Liam: it's not you I don't trust Edie: if anyone touches me, you'll kill them Edie: and we'll bury them in our sandpit Liam: I test you, they test me Edie: you can handle anyone, you're so above them, everyone Liam: I don't know what I'd do if things changed Edie: things will only change if you want them to Edie: I'm not going anywhere without you Liam: tell your ma you're staying at mine, I don't want her trying to get you back Edie: okay, I will Edie: you're the only one who's allowed to tell me what to do Liam: it'll be home until we don't want it, barely a lie Edie: it doesn't matter Edie: I'm never safer than when I'm with you Liam: you can stay at mine too, any time you want Edie: I can? Liam: yeah Edie: 😄😄😄 Edie: I'm now leaving Edie: very, very devastated about the lady driving without insurance 💔 Liam: who can afford that shit, heartbreaking isn't far off Edie: it's a scam Edie: speaking of, how am I gonna liberate some sleeping bags 🤔🤔 Liam: 🤰 Edie: 💡 Edie: pram would actually be perfect Liam: didn't leave any of your brain behind Edie: don't wanna live that young mum stereotype too hard or I'll be right back in that place and I've only just escaped Liam: you won't Liam: the baby won't need to steal it from you, it'll be smart & talented & beautiful in its own right Edie: and you'll love it Edie: and always look after it too Liam: everyone says there's nothing like it, I'd have to feel something Liam: you know that's all I want Edie: I think even if you don't love your kid Edie: you must still be scared for them Edie: and for your own life, how they'll save it or destroy it Edie: that's something Liam: we could be a family, it's been so long since I had one of them Edie: all we'd need would be us three Liam: if my ma won't let us make my sister's room into one for the baby then we'll find our own place Edie: there's room at mine Edie: well, we could make it Edie: with her track record, that's the one thing she can't not be cool on Liam: mine's not cool on fucking anything, but pretend I didn't say that or you'll never wanna come over Edie: she won't like me Edie: but I'll still come Edie: and I'll try to be more what a ma would like Edie: in front of her anyway Liam: she's up for me having a girlfriend, in her words finally Edie: better not disappoint then Edie: what's she like? Liam: she's a lot but she's been through a lot Liam: maybe that's where all the shit I'm supposed to feel went to Edie: maybe Edie: that's the kind of thing a mum would do Edie: take it all on, for good or bad Liam: she does do that, since both the baby daddys she picked turned out to be losers Edie: same with mine Edie: the only person who helped her out was another chick but she died and then there was another kid to take in so Edie: I'd hate to live like that Liam: you won't Edie: I can't Liam: we've got a plan, yeah? Liam: stay with me Edie: we can be different Edie: we are Edie: don't you feel it, around everyone, all the time Liam: yeah, I do Liam: I used to hate it Edie: it's lonely Edie: was Liam: I wanted to be more like my sister, everyone knew her & liked her Liam: but she got lonely too, in the end Edie: people are selfish Edie: they couldn't deal with her pain, even though it was hers to go through Liam: she used to beg me to stay with her & I did but we weren't in the same place Liam: I couldn't go there Edie: you weren't dying Edie: that's lonely Edie: people waste their time alive being alone and not doing what they want whilst they can and for what Liam: they don't wanna live too hard in case it kills them Edie: at least that way is quick Edie: you don't have time to think about it, or wait in that place Liam: yeah Edie: it's bullshit, all of it Edie: what happened to your sister, your mum, you Edie: we'll live by our own rules and it won't be like that Liam: it was bullshit, everyone acting like there's peace & acceptance & she'd feel super chill Liam: she was angry & lonely & fucking terrified of falling off the edge Liam: exhausted from fighting to stay on Edie: why would there be, or should she be Edie: it isn't okay Edie: kids with everything ahead of them shouldn't fucking die Liam: I should've Liam: before I met you Liam: instead of her Edie: you would've if you could've Edie: the universe doesn't do trades and that's another fucked thing about it Liam: I need you to help me fix it Liam: nothing's how it's supposed to be Edie: Okay Edie: let's do it Liam: you'll really do anything for me Edie: I swear Edie: it's right Edie: it's what I'm meant to do Liam: how do you know? Edie: because I want to Edie: and if the universe is pure random, chaotic chance Edie: then you have to follow the right strings Edie: or it goes wrong, like you said Liam: & this is right Liam: the only way I have Edie: is it? Edie: for you Liam: you're all that's left Liam: I can't do anything else Liam: if this doesn't work, nothing will Edie: then it's settled Liam: you're gonna love this 🏠 Edie: what's it like? Liam: huge Liam: bigger than the one my ma rents for real Edie: no way Edie: can't believe he wasn't lying Edie: let's keep it Liam: baby, there's so much space Liam: haven't hit my head either Edie: 😱 Edie: let's stay forever Edie: we'll deal with any estate agents or potential renters who come Liam: under the floorboards Edie: bet they have loads of unnecessary storage we can use too Edie: wine cellars and pantries Liam: 👶 do have a lot of shit they need though Edie: how many bedrooms are there Liam: 4 Edie: it can have a playroom and so can we Liam: you'll be able to finish that song about me Edie: I'll write whole albums Liam: you can write one for the 👶 every milestone, like a less shit Adele Edie: 😂 Edie: I will Edie: 👶 will feel so loved Liam: I want it for my birthday Edie: have you done the maths? Liam: not in that lesson any more, give me a sec Edie: 🤞 you've not given me an impossible task 😿 Liam: [does the maths even though we don't know when his bday is or what time of year it is rn but pretend we do] Edie: okay Edie: we'll have to get moving Edie: I'll put these condoms back Liam: give them to that lad, he don't need to be having any kids Edie: seriously Edie: his brother already has some he doesn't see, right Edie: gross Liam: I got some 💊 off him that didn't do fuck all Liam: waster in every way Edie: such a loser Liam: we're gonna have to be clean Edie: me at least, when it's cooking Liam: I'm not gonna keep going without you Edie: serious? Liam: you're willing to do anything for me, I can stop taking 💊 for you Edie: I love you Liam: hurry up, you have to see this place Edie: Okay, okay Edie: there's a lot of stuff this baby needs too Liam: I need you here Edie: then I'll run Liam: you can lie down as soon you've made it home Edie: I got us dinner Liam: gutted I don't have a real 💍 in my eye socket Edie: I'll have to use a ring pull Liam: it'll work for now Edie: were your parents married? Liam: nah, but she married my sister's dad Liam: she liked him better all round Edie: that makes sense Edie: same with mine and the others dad Edie: hence she went back to him Liam: dunno what your ma was thinking but in fairness to mine he was less of a twat for a while Edie: can't help who you love Edie: some people are unlucky with that too Liam: yeah Liam: & some people never get to be in love Edie: some people don't let themselves Liam: like we said earlier about not living Edie: yeah Edie: I guess it is scary but what's the alternative Liam: I used to properly feel things you know Edie: before your sister died Liam: if it was there before, it could be again Edie: definitely Edie: I know it Edie: we'll work it out Liam: you'll be happy here Liam: [a pic of the cute shit he's been doing in her absence trying to make this place nice for her] Edie: 🥺🥺 Edie: it says I'm nearly there Liam: I'll come out so I can carry you in 👰 Edie: you know I'd die to make you happy Liam: but that isn't what I want Liam: I'd prefer if you lived forever Edie: then I'll do that Edie: we can have hundreds of babies if that's what you need Edie: or do all the drugs in the world Edie: or go on the longest killing spree Liam: I think that'd take a huge toll on you physically, which I don't want either Liam: I'm not trying to ruin you Edie: you might make me actually cry Liam: stay beautiful, that's what I need Edie: Come get me Liam: [does] Edie: [lowkey laden down with all the essentials be careful boy] Liam: [literally take a sec to imagine them going from room to room planning their lives like adorable nerds] Edie: [this is all so bittersweet we're so mean] Liam: [I'm totally fine and not gonna sob] Edie: [I think if they made it look lived in, it'd make the squatters go away, so then it's just when the landlord/estate agent moment shows up eventually, but I think that would give them a bit of time to do it, even if it's like a week] Liam: [there's just something so pure about this, like it really reminds me how young and broken they are, casually playing pretend like little kids here] Edie: [mhmm, like because she's technically smart everyone expects her to be cynical and realistic but she can't be and is like genuinely if we try hard enough this will all work and be real] Liam: [just reminding me of my pure baby angel Carly in a way I did not expect to be hit by, excuse me] Edie: [when you're more like her and Billie is more like Ali don't mind me] Liam: [I don't know why I love that so much but I do] Edie: [just live your best lives huns, all the ridiculous things you've got for this home moment, also some kind of baby doll 'cos we didn't steal a real child] Liam: [we don't need either of you getting in that much trouble when the fams are gonna be annoyed as is, they should totally film something with it during this week because those hoes] Edie: [creepy, cryptic video in response to where you are like soz for scaring you all half to death it's just our brand] Liam: [and she should practice tattoo designs on it for him like do you like this one or nah] Edie: [definitely covered in biro] Liam: [put your treasure in it's eye socket] Edie: [there's so many sick designs tbh] Liam: [are we saying they still go to school or purely hole up] Edie: [probably hole up 'cos 1 why not but 2 at least you'd know they were together even if not where lol] Liam: [it adds to the vibe of their own little world so I'm here for it] Edie: [like truly why would you go to school, maybe when you're pregnant and we need to win people 'round lmao] Liam: [he wouldn't stalk Rio all week that means #proudofyouboy] Edie: [we're all thrilled] Liam: [actual progress for real because he's been doing it for years and he didn't force Edie to go to school so he could] Edie: [it truly is, when you're just having fun gah] Liam: [proud of you for living real life again boy, speaking of, we know the vibe but is there anything you wanna write down here as defs happening this week other than what we've said?] Edie: [hmm, so let's recap real quick and then we can add anything if we think of it, we've got homey things and he's made it cute and we're playing house so the squatters don't come and wreck it, which is so cute, we're planning our family and life like this is absolutely nbd, doing all the biro tattoos, making our ARG and making a weird/scary vid for the fam lollollol soz, just clearly getting to know each other intensely and bonding and cementing this plan] Liam: [do write some songs gal but I also think they should try whatever drugs they want to that they haven't before they get clean for this pregnancy moment because adds to the bonding that they don't even throw a party they just do it together] Edie: [i vibe that because it isn't about the party of it all, it's the feeling things, so it makes feelsy sense] Liam: [yeah I felt it, and it's so cute that they're doing all these domestic things while sometimes high af] Edie: [like you said, we don't need to be saints 'cos who is even when they have a child but it's very noble that you're like okay let's get it out of the way lol] Liam: [literally ruster are still living lavish and partying with their champagne and coke when they have theirs, tell me I'm wrong] Edie: [mhmm, y'all are very sweet actually it's pure] Liam: [neither of them seem like they would be so sweet and pure and that's why I stan it] Edie: [maybe they can do things they'll do when they have the bub like the park etc so like normal childhood things which he probably didn't get to do much] Liam: [boo how dare you, that's so cute] Edie: [like again, bittersweet but also childlike vibes again and he can enjoy it] Liam: [also I vote he gets on this roof and shouts about his feelings like he said he was gonna on the school roof] Edie: [a mood, and you can be a bit destructive inside, just got to keep it looking respectable so every loser in town doesn't crash your fun] Liam: [OMG but what if that's towards the end of the week and he says he loves her then because he has not like literally shout it from the rooftops but genuinely] Edie: [need that tbh 'cos as in this as she is and not turning back, she's obvs noticed he hasn't like she knows she's still out here trying to make him feel not like oh yes, I have succeeded lol] Liam: [it just is real like when you're pissing about at first but then the feels carry you along] Edie: [oh you two]

[cripplepunk-sylveon]

Why would you need to feel guilty if you don't eat animals? i'm confused 😮 wouldn't it be a good thing if possible? I mean, since growing food for livestock is destroying the rainforest and isn't adopting a plant based diet one of the biggest things an individual can do to combat climate change?

As gently as I can manage: no, it's not that simple, and a plant-based diet as most folks think of it is not inherently better for the environment. Nothing any group of individuals from the general public can do will counteract the damage being done by big corporations.

tl;dr: A PBD is not inherently better for the environment, it highly depends on where you live and what you can/should buy, and many folks don't understand nor want to understand that. The history of food is a history of colonialism and violence and we need to address that, especially when it comes to veganism in North America and the importing of non-native foods to support it.

Full essay under the cut that I never meant to write but it sure did happen

Is it possible to go on a plant-based diet (a PBD, for future use of the term, because it will be popping up plenty here) within a localized area because it's more affordable/better for you/better for your environment? Yes. But it takes work to do so. As in, research, a willingness to buy and grow local, and an acute awareness of what the invasive species of your region are.

The unfortunate truth is that many people are unwilling or flat-out incapable of doing said research and work. They just want quick and easy access to plant-based food because they've heard somewhere that it's better and more humane than raising animals for meat/dairy/eggs. This is only possible because we live on colonized land, where we've created a massive distance between us and the origins of what we eat- and brought in non-native animal and plant species to reproduce what our colonizers eat, regardless of the impact on the land and the people. In fact, this was done very much on purpose. Native people reliant on colonial food systems are less likely to cause a ruckus, because they can just be starved out.

For an example, let's look at the Canadian North. The Inuit have hunted whales, seals, caribou, polar bear, and arctic char during the cold months in a sustainable fashion for thousands of years. Inuk people will hunt a single whale and feed their family for a year- never mind the uses for whale oil, baleen, and whale hide. They would use every part of the whale that they could find a use for, nothing was wasted. Nowadays, though... their traditional foods are called "barbaric" and "cruel", and hunting traditionally is frowned upon, while we ship fruit and vegetables that cannot be grown in permafrosted soil up to them and charge them as consumers for the cost to us. Here's a video from 2013 talking about the issue. From 2013! It's still happening now!! I would never recommend a PBD to someone living in such a situation because of both the expense and the destruction of the traditional hunting culture of the Inuit.

Before anyone tries to say I'm shitting on folks who can't eat meat- I'm really not. I get it, the lone star tick is an asshole of epic proportions, and allergies are a fuck you from the universe- I myself can't eat eggs! And they are in EVERYTHING! If we can accommodate allergies and dietary restrictions we absolutely should. I like to think there's a particularly shitty corner of the universe for people who think allergies are a joke or just someone being picky. But those are not choices. Those are required restrictions to keep the person alive and healthy.

Going vegan to "go green", on the other hand, is 100% a personal choice. Unfortunately it's also one frequently shaped by misinformation and propaganda. Vegans never really consider where their food comes from, and because the vast majority of them are city-dwellers who have access to a grocery store, they don't feel like they need to. It's not affecting them personally, so they don't care.

They should though. Many of the plants they rely on for food cause massive ecological damage, way more than growing feed for cattle, chickens, or pigs. Quinoa is farmed using child labour, and the sharp spike in price as white diners demand it- combined with the fact it's a thirsty crop that uses a lot of water that the locals also used as drinking water- kind of destroys any good it's doing by being a "superfood" (It was not a staple crop, however, and has done a little bit of good. Emphasis on a LITTLE BIT). Avocado is facing a similar situation- it was a staple food for the people growing it, now they can't afford it and they're resorting to inhumane measures to grow enough of it to meet white settler demand. (Also, if they fail to pay their cartel fees, they're very likely to have their farm burnt to the ground or worse. El Narco has their fingers in EVERYTHING, even in fruit production.) Cashews are mainly grown and processed in India, where workers suffer low pay and sweatshop conditions and caustic burns to ensure we have them to snack on. Soy products were once the main destructive force facing the Amazon rainforest, and now it's threatening the Cerrado and the millions of species that call the region home while filling local water supplies with silt and grime. There's also hundreds of reports detailing the slavery afoot at soy plantations, AND it's causing topsoil to erode faster.

No, meat and dairy as industries are not without fault. I never claimed they were. It's not hard to find things wrong with beef and dairy, and you can thank militant preachy vegans for that. You can also thank them for those horrifying ads everyone with a certain app spent their first two weeks blocking and reporting with a fervor like no other to make sure they stopped seeing them. (Or, maybe that was just me, idk what tiktok's deal is with giving me PETA and vegan propaganda videos but I'd like it to stop.) HOWEVER. The actual people producing my food, working the land to raise animals for meat and whatnot? They know what they're doing. Many of them have been studying husbandry and animal welfare since they were in middle school at the latest. I trust them to provide a good quality of life for a cow, chicken, pig, or bison that will end up on my plate one day.

Besides, they don't see me eating jerky instead of something I'm deathly allergic to and tell me a horror story about how the cow who provided it was flayed alive (yes, this has happened, more than once- it wasn't even beef jerky, it was bison from a local ranch). They just let me snack in peace and we go about both our days.

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

I hear two Atlanta Police Officers with missing vehicles called the Mayor and apologized to her for thinking of only themselves, admitted they were afraid that if they were in the same situation they would been fired as the other two in the Rayshard Brooks case and they couldn't allow that to happen to,themselves and the community so they wanted to show what would happen if it did because like me they all saw it as a justified homocide, a honorable weapon's discharge.

But after reading what i wrote last night. They fully regrret their decision and would like to have a meeting with her today, the entire 25 that stayed home for 3 days and they will all drive up to see her, in their personal cars of course.

Of course they got her mussing her mascara and all. Weeping she is. Don't mean she's weak. Just means she knows love. And she knows how evil attacks it and makes love so painful.

... ...

I mean I'm real surprised at Atlanta. I never had any problems with them they was always "The Next New Orleans" i called them.

Always just witchy with it. Good and a skip ahead.

So besides my anger at the situation created...

Look. I come straight outta the 90s.

Back then... Man. Our history been lost in 30 years. Our soul soul soul filled history. Its gone. It ain't there.

Back in the 90s we had about a 15 year break. From the protests from Vietnam War. Love not War Protests. We had them nice little 1950s with "Hello Technology: introduction to the TV" ONWARD to the "60s Hippies. Make love not War" taking it right onto the 70s which came back with the Civil Rights

So our 90s. Y'all they were the most beautiful. They were the combo of the 60s and 70s.

The riots and protests being taught to me and we made it big as we could with all the best parts of being a Human Rights Activist with brand new only 1990s fluorescent neon dripped could bring in.

That was all lost. Its all gone.

But the fight. The rights. THE TRUTH we went all 1950s and stayed in and raised our kids right. People wanna say shit about the Millennials. But we spoke truth. We spoke from our heart and we let them find,the truth as safe as possible and form their own opinions based on truth alone.

So now people wanna beat our kids. People i went to high school with they got high school graduates. Mine will be 17 this August. Real honest to God birthday and age.

Those are my babies. Our babies. They are our future. In 50 years they're gonna be like old man Bernie Sanders. 70 years old bent over fighting because we're gonna be near dead at 90 and more.

And people neglect and beat and ...

Man Our kids got it bad enough already. Simply because THEY KNOW THE TRUTH.

And man we got to protect them. Protect their hearts. Their minds. Their souls.

And they getting allllllll this stress. Put on them. Stress that is simply avoided.

By one dancing in the streets.

By 15 officers stating their badge numbers.

By the police owning up to who they are and why they exist.

Don't they want peace? Used to be they were called Peace Keeping Officers.

Now they called Lice Officers. Coming in on Native American Reservations claiming unwashed hair bread bugs. Let me tell you something. My daughter and I got lice a while back.. Like 8 years. The only thing that killed them was coating our hair in oil

Lice breath through holes in their exobody. So the oil makes them suffocate to death and die. Furthermore people whom smoke reject lice more frequently than those that don't. It takes me 3 months longer to get lice than a non smoker.

Peace pipe anyone?

.

So historically police aren't loved. They aren't wanted.

Being a police or military. It becomes a color of our skin. I'll post a tattoo that isn't finished being colored or lined. It's not done. I'll show you we can balance it.

Get out of your comfort zone. Step out of your skin.

We can't stop being black. We can't stop being what drives us to be police.

But we can control it.

"BURN ALL THEIR FUCKING CARS" demanded the international head of the CIA.

"No ma'am. This is what we did" they didn't tell me No before. They just did it. Because they knew it was better. They knew it would cause all 25 of y'all to have to stand up and say "my car is missing. This is how i feel. I do/don't want it back"

Where yall can't pretend what y'all did didn't matter and just get up and go to work the next day. All sneak in and get back to business.

No. You got a fucking problem. You forcing others to take on your load, Zone 5.

Were not walking away and being all its fine what ever. You got a problem. We need to tackle it in a for real state.

Foooorrrrr Reeeaaaalllll state.

You got a problem in your mind? Those become tangible. They aren't floating thoughts. They are what makes us do what we do.

Make it concrete. Take away their cars.

I ain't saying the charges will be dropped. That's all a whole other issue. I don't work in the justice system. Court. Law. I tell you how to win in court. But i ain't about telling some DA how to shove it. I just sue them. When its courts. I fight their game. With paperwork and all that shit. So like i said that's not on me to say the charges will be dropped.

When it's a basketball game you use a ball and circle to drop the ball in.

Use proper tools

Atlanta PD could and should said "alright let's picket the DA. Lets go in uniform. Leave our weapons in the car. Unbutton our shirts. Put red paint on our foreheads to show where they're hurting us. Show them the DA now made us defense less and stripped"

Half hour. 10 minutes. 2 hours. Don't matter. As long as you make that statement.

NYPD did that.

Sure i can ask Tree, tree why ain't you posted that? Taught them?

But why didn't NYPD pull out thier hands and say NBC, FOX. Where's them videos of what we use to do and so we can stop and make this shit right in the streets?

Thata all i did. That's all im doing now. Yeah I'm,the most brilliant and all

But the last since November i been telling y'all "shake them tail feathers"

How is Gary Trump's brother going into human trafficking for 24 years to be found by me. Then murdered by his brother that took his name and lied about who he was? And his brother didn't care. He said "ill go by Gary. It don't matter. Hes worked hard under my name"

How is the ACTUAL Donald Trump not allowed to be in a Black Lives Matter movement? How come no one is shaking their tail feathers to a man killed by the government for greed and white power?

The faux Donald Trump that is our impeached President is a racist.

So why isn't his brother being named? Black Lives Matter.

One person says "Let's Shake Our Tail Feathers".

Dont matter if you believe me. Its the movement. Quite literally.

Its confusing and alive and can make us all sick. It is its own plague. "Shake ya tail feathers" it's a mental plague if you refuse truth.

Regardless how i named it. I still taught it and spoke it. And led y'all to dance it.

Bye bye stress. Bye bye human trafficking.

Bye bye inequality.

Instead it's crazy

It was already planned to be crazy. Burning down buildings calling them Liberty Torches.

Civil Rights . Civil Liberties . take No Justice/Fairness and make it a sight to behold.

Is it fair to me financially to burn down my own economicially profiting legally businesses to make a Park and Garden where you can get fresh and,free vegetables and fruit for life? HELL FUCKING NO.

I got to pay security and taxes and i don't get a single domestic dime in return.

Kids go play on my slides and swings and wear them out having too much dam fun. Then i gotta spend More Money to make sure i am making sure they even get a single second to know what fun is.

I spent my whole life working. Every dam day.

One day I went out and I was 18 years old and i heard laughter. And i didn't know what it was. What made people laugh? How could people even be happy? Or want to laugh?

I was 18 years old. Didn't under stand a human thing.

And it just kept going and going and going. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to do whatever it took. And I didn't know why. Because i got my car keys out and opened my car door the second time that day. This time to make it stop. I put my car key between my fingers. Next thing i knew, I was sitting back down. And starting the car. Obviously my mom knew I was crazy with worry. And lost my mind. Shoved my ass back in the car and said "no you're just gonna leave and leave those innocent people alone"

I was so angry and bitter. And now my life is even worse.

If I couldn't attack them people. No one else can attack innocent people in public.

I don't care how fucked up you are. YOU CAN'T ATTACK SOMEONE FOR THEIR FREEDOMS.

Laughter. Black Lives Matter. Blue lives MATTER. All lives MATTER.

Some ignorant fool was arguing with a store clerk saying how her Black Lives Matter sign offended him

Watch me, #BLM #BLM ONE OF THOSE IS BLACK. ONE OF THOSE IS BLUE. TOGETHER WE ARE BRUISED BLACK AND BLUE.

Why can't y'all see and accept that?

We can't we be one. One truth.

One life to live

I can't live as Cleopatra or anyone of my past lives. I can't even live the life I led in the 90s. I can't even walk

We have one life to live and this is it.

So do we kill each other? Or do we protect each other?

Why aren't we being One?

When you're alone you can think of only you. You realize how important you are. We all need alone time.

When im with you i can only think about how important you are.

There isn't enough room in my brain to say how important we both are at the same time unless we do and think and act the same way all day long. Even for twins and clones its impossible.

So in my brain and in yours. You can only think about how much ONE life matters at a time.

ONLY ONE LIFE IN THIS WORLD MATTERS. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!

We. Our. Us. You can't stop a great combination.

Power and love = unified. Unity. United.

Watch me, #BLM #BLM ONE OF THOSE IS BLACK. ONE OF THOSE IS BLUE. TOGETHER WE ARE BRUISED BLACK AND BLUE.

Stop the pain. Hold our hands. Let the love flow. Let the Heart speak until it sings.

So yesterday old Blackfeet and Regina didn't see each other for the DUMBEST thing. She said "oh baby ill move in the nursing home with you"

He says something all "nonsense that's dumb shut up" all Grumpy Bear.

I don't even want to be with you.

So i talked to Michael about their unique situation.

He could had said "I'm well enough to move into a regular home with you. We don't need the nursing home. I moved to (US state) to be with you. To be close to you because you mean more to Me than Anything in the world. And you deserve a big ole castle. Because i love you and we gotta do all this best and right. No nursing home. We got another 50 years plus i wanna be doing you on the kitchen table and not here. All I can smell is stinky old man diapers from the neighbor"

And she could said had he continued the fight "oh idk what I'm saying I've never even seen the nursing home. Do you mind i come visit you there? Id really like that"

It would taken ONE. Only one to stop their ninny war.

And they would been holding each other. With love.

Instead of living in Hell.

So, now what happened was we put it all on old dad. Because hes the Black Beethoven who can suddenly sing a ballad of symphony in the midst of telling some real bad history truth.

Then moments later Regina said "well i could said something different, too".

It takes two to tango.

So I challenge y'all to punch inequality in the face. BLM. there is no difference between.

Black. Blue. Red. Purple. Yellow. Green. All bruises.

Challenge each other. Black and blue.

Force it. There is no difference and it must be seen.

Chant it. Turn on the "Boombox" and dance together. Dance if some won't. But do it in their face.

Laugh. Be happy. In their face.

If they're bitter like an 18 year old me and don't have a Angel Mommy to bust their ass back down into a sitting position. Someone will beat the shit out of them. Someone will stop them and i Will go after them and send you services for legal and medical. Free.

Acknowledge.

You are hurt. I am hurt.

Lets Live. Lets be happy.

Lets try. Trying makes perfect.

"MOVE BACK"

"TAKE THAT FIRST STEP"

"MOVE BACK"

"SEE WE ARE HURT SAME AS YOU" point out the ones that have fear. The ones that try to intimidate. -- The I Can See You -- let them scream in your face youre nothing but a piece of shit. And yell back they're someone inside a police uniform. And you can see it.

Beat their asses like fucking Care Bears.

Teach you a little photography. 1. Dirty lens. Dry skin. 2. Lotions the skin. Hannibal lectur. 3. Cleans the lens. 4 & 5 close up with flash. 6&7 close up without flash.

After meeting some kids in college. Native Americans from tribes near Gallup. Very very. Very Racist.

I began to question my life long believe of how I could live with being a military based person. And being an Native American.

I didn't know. I just knew i could and it wasn't fair to me to destroy the very being of me. Simply because it don't make sense without actual factual historical documents.

Remember Oregon Trail was First. That made Atlas.

Then down the coast to find gold. So NM DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT NO FUCKING TRAIL OF TEARS SO GET OUT MY FACE.

And so my owl... Its every thing. I didn't design it normal. It has wings that are out stretched yes.

But it has a secomd pair of wings. Which are pins from the United States Coast Guard. Those wings are like hands. To do things close by to the body.

Its slightly designed after a Hindu God. She has 6 arms.

Here the wings are keeping the body warm and safe and sound.

How could myself own an owl to represent my secret past of S.Leigh if it can't have hands to represent both my heart and mind?

There figlirliee on the head. That's not for me. Its because I think about you. The mass population of Earth.

I need more simply than what the Earth can provide in the reality of which exists on Earth.

There's an hour glass of water on it's side, traveling... My baby bird is flying with an hour glass.

If you look. You'll see a woman under and between the two shields. And she has "duck lips"

For the real "Not Gary Donald Trump"

Her lips are actually a heart. But they look off..

A rose each sits above the shields. A diamond in the midst of the tail feathers.

No piece

No area.

Is just a feather. A stroke of color.

Each is an item. There's no nothing. It is all something

The military did not just beat us and we took it as Muscogee Creek Nation. We built an Atlas. Recivejed the City of Atlantis -- the Spain sent supplies to help us for years. All the way from Florida.

There was Something. It all wasn't nothing

Or for nothing. Everyone looks for the truth. Looks for the Lost City of Atlantis and i am the one who sunk it. Because I am the Goddess.

The diamond has a purple eye. Diamonds are the hardest and toughest known substance.

Well i know my mind is gonna cut you and rip you apart from what I've seen. So my eyes are like diamonds. My mind

Our tounges are diamonds. We can slash each other apart.

Or we can acknowledge the riches we have.

My Ultimate Challenge is for the police to create a barricade when necessary. No weapons in hand. Hands on the top of their heads and chant BLM Bruises are the same.

We know black bruises hurt the worst, the same level as red.

Then purple. Then blue. Green and yellow rarely do.

So please fight blindness and inequality with me.

And please post it on the national news and international news. So that we know as a world we all fight together

Whether it's in the couches or in the streets.

Thank you for trying.

[indigoschool]

I feel like I rushed into something I wasnt ready for. And sometimes I feel like my awakening was a mistake. If I never found out about indigo children I probably would have been fine. Now I'm not even able to function because my mind isn't right and even though im aware of that nothing is changing,Yes before finding out about this I might have been the same but I wasnt aware of it and id rather be unconscious about the way I feel then have to feel it so powerfully that I'm having panic attacks

Pt2. I go to school 4 days a week, for 3 hours at an alternative high school. I only need to do one semester and I can graduate. I was supposed to graduate in 2015 and I didn’t. I got put into alternative school I’ll go for a month or 2 and stopped because I ended up crying and freaking out in school so I’d start over the next semester. This is like the 4th time I’ve done this, this is my second day of school and I was crying because I cannot fucking relax man.

Pt3. I can’t even finish high school I feel so pressured to get my diploma because i feel like its the bare minimum but it’s all fake. Everything is fake and I want to leave. I dont leave the house, I have no friends, I’m adopted for fucks Sake. My mind isn’t right it might be the subconscious Idk. I wish the universe would send something down that will physically help me right now. I tried everything, positivity, crystals, tarot, mindfulness but then I think about mindfulness like a idiot.

Pt4. You dont really have to say anything Im just venting. I'm so sad this is so painful and I feel like no one cares. People say they care cause its the right thing to do. I'm not in your face at this moment crying in your face so you don't care. I want to die but I feel like the universe prevents that because I would never put such pain on my mom. I feel like I need medication or something this discovery has done nothing but make me feel crazy. Idk why im here but it's not fucking worth it.

Pt5. I had a melt down in school because I felt like my presence was bothering someone . How fucking stupid is that. Is it wrong to regret your journey ? Is it wrong to feel like it was a mistake? Is it bad I want to leave? Idk what to do, I'm suffering and im aware that I'm suffering and I'm aware of the reason why I'm suffering but that very reason causes me to suffer. I understand why indigos commit suicide. Hell what if I'm not even an indigo and this was a faze and I just destroyed my life?

Your awakening isn’t a mistake. Reaching higher levels of consciousness isn’t something that shouldn’t have happened. You shouldn’t regret it. Sometimes, there’s an adjustment period that follows your awakening, and this period can be rough. It’s not that “your mind isn’t right,” it’s just that you haven’t adjusted to the new state of consciousness through which you’re now perceiving life. Have you ever heard the saying “ignorance is bliss”? Yes, not knowing about the way things are and the injustices happening in the world may be easier because you don’t have to deal with it, but does not knowing change anything? Awareness is much more effective than ignorance is. I know that you don’t like the fact that nothing is changing, but by being aware of it, you’re one step closer to creating change than you’d be if you were ignorant of it. It’s okay. Don’t pressure yourself and don’t try to regress in consciousness. Keep growing, because the more you grow, the easier it is for you to center yourself and find a way to begin working toward making the world a better place and using your existence to better the lives of others. 

Try to practice mindfulness as much as you can. Focus on and live in the Now, the present moment. This will help to clear your thoughts and reduce panic attacks. By practicing mindfulness, you control your mind instead of your mind controlling you. You have more autonomy and can be free from worrying about how you feel or what’s not changing. The Now is the only time there is, the Now is the moment in which you can use your new level of consciousness to manifest a reality that you’d like to see. Meditate as much as you can as well; meditation is kind of like deep mindfulness, and doing it daily will help you to 

center yourself and will make it easier to practice mindfulness throughout your day. Along with meditation, amethyst, blue calcite, amazonite, aventurine, agate, hematite, jasper, malachite, shungite, smoky/rose quartz, and turquoise are very helpful with panic attacks. Keeping them around your room, on your person, or near you in meditation will help to soothe your mind and allow you to adjust to your level of consciousness.

Edit: I wrote the above response before I’d seen parts 2-5, so below is my continuation. 

Reading this, it feels like you’re trying very hard. You’re frustrated and restless and trying to go to high school but trying to get away from it and trying, trying, trying. Be still for a moment. Close your eyes, breathe, and do this for as long as it takes until your mind is clear and still. Do you feel still? Do you feel at peace? 

Hold on to this feeling. Try to hold on to this feeling for as long as you can. Try to summon this feeling as often as you can. The feeling of having no thoughts, or at least not paying any attention to them. Clearness and stillness. This feeling is what will help you get over the pressure that you’re placing on yourself. Don’t “think” about mindfulness, just be mindful. All it takes is focusing on the present moment. Don’t try positivity, crystals, tarot, etc., just be. Don’t force anything if it doesn’t feel right. If you try those things, expect no results. Lose all expectations. Lose all expectations for your life, for the people around you, everything. Expectations are rooted in the future, and mindfulness means living in the Now. Be here now. Stop trying. It’s okay. Do what feels right. Live your life as if your eyes are closed and you’re following the sound of someone’s voice guiding you. In other words, don’t use your mind and overthink your options and become frustrated with how things are or how they should be. Allow your heart to lead you toward what feels right. Whatever that is, go to it. Trust your heart. It’s okay to be alone for some time, so don’t overthink having no friends. The Universe wants you to have some time to build yourself, to trust yourself, to let your heart guide you. Friends will follow. When you’re at school, be present. Be in the Now. This level of mindfulness will help with the “freaking out,” because you’ll find that there’s nothing in the present to freak out about. There’s only the here and Now, a beautiful space. Be there always and do what feels best in that moment, and everything else will fall into place. You are worth it. Life is worth it. You were born for a reason. I know that may not sound real and it may come off as something I’d just say to anyone, but seriously, you exist for a reason. An important one, too. Your existence is imperative to the Universe itself. Literally. You matter so much. You have a purpose, you have a mission to accomplish here on Earth. You wouldn’t have been born if that mission weren’t something you could handle. You can do this. What you’re feeling right now is temporary and natural, but please don’t dwell in this space too long. Know that you can transcend this. You will transcend this. I care about you and how you feel, everyone else at the Indigo School does too. It’s not wrong that you regret your journey and it certainly isn’t something you should blame yourself for. Like I said, it’s natural. You’re adjusting. But please, allow yourself to adjust. Allow yourself to feel these growing pains. Then grow past them. You can and you will. Nothing you experience is a mistake. Everything that happens is part of your journey. This journey is to prepare you to reach your full potential and manifest your best self so that you may accomplish your life’s mission. It doesn’t matter if you’re an indigo or not. It doesn’t matter what label you put on yourself; the truth remains that you have not destroyed your life, your life cannot be destroyed. Each day is a new opportunity to start over, to do better, to be still and mindful and love yourself. You are not stupid, you are not an idiot, you are a growing being who makes mistakes. That is okay. Suicide will not make it better. You are here for an important reason and removing yourself is not the solution. “Yourself” is not a problem; you are growing and developing, nothing you do is irreversible, and you can do better every day. Please believe me. I love you.