#it IS angsty bc they’re a story of missed chances

[imposterogers]

I fully believe that not only is shawn spencer bisexual but he’s also in love w gus but like. it’s not an angsty ‘I need to ruin this friendship before my feelings ruin it’. it’s just a personality trait. bc him & gus are already SO close. codependently close. they can hardly go a day without seeing each other, are practically psychic in the way they communicate, spend major holidays together. they’ve both had significant and fulfilling romantic relationships & have settled down. but does that change the fact that shawn would kiss gus at the drop of a hat? not at all

[dreamofbecoming]

ok ok ok so like

this post has been rotating in my brain for weeks and i’m finally gonna make it bc FUCK but this song gives me geraskier feels ok???

so just to start off, right off the bat

blankets off and windows open to the pouring cold / in a room so full of lies and lives of you i’ll never know

kaer morhen vibes anyone? angsty tho so post s2 for sure. those halls are full of memories of geralt’s life he never thought it was important to share with jaskier, aren’t they? brothers he never heard of, hurts he never got the chance to soothe, stories he never heard and inside jokes he never shared, because why would he? they aren’t friends, right?

but you hold me as though i’m addicted / and you hold me as though you’re alone

this just hurts my heart thinking about that hug in the jail cell. how jaskier clearly tries to be angry but can’t hold it, he gives in, because he *is* addicted, actually, no matter how geralt makes him feel. and there’s something about how the one moment of true affection, of genuine care we see from geralt, (“i missed you too.”) without any grumbling or posturing, comes when they’re totally alone, and no one can see him being vulnerable. he isn’t willing to show that same affection to jaskier where people can see, at least not that they show on camera.

gloves are off, our faults more naked than they’ve ever been

*chanting deliriously* mountain scene mountain scene mountain scene

in my foolish years i dreamt i’d make of you a better man

toss a coin, need i say more?

cos you don’t seem to know / where you’re going / and you can’t understand / where we’ve been

idk this line just gives me feelings about geralt refusing his destiny over and over and over until it’s too late for him to plan or do anything in a safe or healthy way, while everyone around him can see he’s headed right for where he swears he’ll never go, he’s just gonna get there angry and alone and unprepared

i came to you a child / and loved you like you were a man

i mean this one is obvious, but also i get so fucking emotional thinking about how geralt thinks of himself as so distinctly separate from humanity, and everyone he’s ever met sees him as a monster, and jaskier never, for even one single second, sees him as anything but a man

there were lights, and lust, and guilt, and damage / they could never understand / how i loved you again / in an instant / and i’ll leave you if i / ever can

geralt hurt him so badly, and rejected him over and over, but also i think it’s naive to assume jaskier didn’t hurt him back just because we don’t see any clear examples on screen. when you love someone for that many years, you’re going to hurt each other. you’re going to fuck up. if you’re lucky, you’ll figure out how to apologize and make up and compromise and find a way to live together, and if you’re not, the hurt keeps compounding until something breaks. jaskier keeps going back, and geralt keeps not ditching him, and i think it’s more than fair to say they both have their share of guilt and more than their share of damage. and maybe continuing that relationship isn’t a choice everyone would make, but they do, because it makes sense to them if even it doesn’t to everyone else.

but we see in that jail cell that jaskier absolutely does love him again instantly, and we can also see from his demeanor on the way to cintra that even if he’s forgiven geralt, he hasn’t forgotten. that hurt is still there. that apology didn’t make it go away, and maybe jaskier realizes that maybe he should go, even if he knows he won’t. even if he doesn’t want to.

i will love you again / i will love you until / the day i can’t

i mean the chorus definitely has “i will keep coming back even though you hurt me until you finally push too far and send me away for good” s2 vibes but also there’s big Mortal Jaskier energy here which is physically painful to me, so.

ANYWAY i recently rediscovered this song i bought in 2013 after i saw the singer perform with the seattle rock orchestra and got hit with all the Blorbo Feels, so now y’all have to suffer with me. enjoy!

[kaereth]

Saw your dane and saara vedio it was awesome can you give me information about the characters like hobbies or better thier backstorys like one of them became a beast

(Sorry I missed this ask!)

I am so bad about describing my characters though jsjs I just tend to draw them and hope people extrapolate from that fwahh. Well, here goes:

Dane is a bit of a goldenhearted brat, in that she acts like a brat (Wants her way and is loud when she doesn’t get it, can tend to trample ahead without considering others, and usually does the first thing that comes into her head without thinking about the consequences fff), but at the same time she loves very deeply and she is literally always trying to what she thinks is best even when everyone else may not see it that way. 

I would call her a chaotic good alignment to for in DnD terms! She comes from a ragtag family with four adopted siblings - Ravi (actually her cousin by blood), Maria, and Seth and has two lesbian moms, but she has been forced to spend most of her life being cooped up away from them and kept under tight control for //grumble grumble plot reasons.

Saara on the other hand I would call a goldenhearted angsty grump lol. She constantly seems like she’s angry or wants to be left alone, but she is literally the personification of this meme 

Part of this is because, while she would have been the type of person to love being around others, the circumstances of her life have never given her that chance. She has never been able to take root in any place she would call ‘home’. Her birth parents were gone from her when she was young child, then the guardian who raised her until she was around 14 was also taken from her.  I won’t say exactly how she got her curse, bc plot, but she received it soon after that and has been alone living as a beast in the woods ever since.

So tl;dr they are two very lonely girls who will always somehow find each other and latch on bc they’re basically soul mates - there’s a lot of plot too, but every story I write with them is just “Dane and Saara fall in love and other stuff is going on too I guess” jsjs. For another form of context, I have had these OCs for around 8 years now and the Beast story is the 4th/5th storyline I’ve come up for them! They’ve both gone thru name changes as well, so if you dig for old art of them good luck fffff

[staytiny-present]

Ateez Presents: Alice in Wonderland

Rating: T

warnings: some blood and violence (nondescript), swear words, gets kinda angsty, mentions of anxiety

disclaimer: hi so first of all i just want to apologize about the wait,, i’ve been super crazy busy with school lately (and will continue to be but i’m trying not to think about that) so i’ve struggled to find time for both writing and my assignments BUT i’m nothing if not irresponsible so i’ve gladly taken more time to write this than write any of my other essays. also i am... so sorry this is??? so long i got so carried away,,, i hope y’all like long reads bc you are in for it with this one, but anyway! rules for disney au requests can be found here! enjoy and let me know what you think!! xo

Starring~

Kim Hongjoong as the White Rabbit

he was the reason you fell in the first place

you found it incredibly odd that such a cute boy in a waistcoat and glasses would have rabbit ears, and even stranger that he could fit inside a rabbit hole

you would have asked him about it, but he ran away before you could

and you tried to catch up to him to ask but he was just too fast

the rabbit hole he went down was too long and dark for you to see through, which is why you leaned down so far to see where he had gone

that’s when you fell

hongjoong knew it was his fault too,, he should never have gone to the surface or caught your attention

he really didn’t mean to

but he had to

hongjoong was an expert at going down rabbit holes, but for most everyone else there was a lot of falling

he already felt guilty, but hearing your screams and cries the long way down made his heart wrench

leaving yeosang alone at the door - who was yawning and questioning if hongjoong was right - he waited below as you fell

wincing each time you bumped into a cupboard or a bookshelf, bounced off of a bed, or were hit by a flying book

you knew bruises would bloom all over when you landed

if you landed it seemed

you felt sick as you fell and sicker as you dreaded what kind of landing you would face

your nonexistent breath left you once again when you finally did land

right on top of hongjoong - the boy you followed who was waiting to catch you

the force of your landing knocked hongjoong’s glasses off of his face as you both fell to the marble floor beneath you

you groaned and scrambled to get off of the boy, apologies leaving your mouth faster than you could comprehend

the entire time hongjoong looking at you in shock and awe

why,,, why in wonderland were you apologizing to him?

he made you fall

he’s the reason for your bruises

he was the reason you were stuck now

he did this

he was roused out of his thoughts when he heard yeosang quietly calling his name, and he turned around to see he was waving in your direction

realizing the sudden urgency he grabbed your hand and pulled you up off the floor

“don’t apologize alice i’ll be fine, but we need to go”

alice? “i’m not-“

you would have told him he didn’t have the right person because no you weren’t alice and you didn’t know one

but you noticed his glasses were missing

not missing but on the floor, a crack almost straight through one of the circle lenses

you bent down to pick them up and inspect

“i’m so sorry about your glasses sir”

you didn’t know if you should be calling him sir, but it sounded better than ‘rabbit boy’

hongjoong, who hadn’t noticed his glasses came off, touched his face

he was about to speak again when you?? lifted them back to his face??? and placed them gently on the bridge of his nose????

blood rushed to his face and lit it on fire, a stark contrast to his white hair and white ears

however you thought you had done something wrong and began apologizing again

he wanted to reassure you but yeosang’s quiet voice brought him back to the reality of things again

it startled you how abruptly hongjoong’s ears stood at attention, most of the color draining out of his face

“alice”

hongjoong took hold of your hand, and he would have turned red again had it not been for the urgency of the situation

“we have to leave this place”

your brain felt like mush as all of your thoughts swam past each other

i don’t even know what this place is, you thought, i’ve never seen such a strange place except in stories

and why does he keep calling me alice?

“what do you mean and why do you-”

a loud ringing cut you off before you could ask the curious boy anything, and hongjoong pulled a pocket watch out of his red coat

his eyes widened and his ears stood up straighter if that was possible

“oh dear, i’m late!”

he took your hand once again and led you to a door that couldn’t have been higher than your knee

hongjoong shoved a vial in your hand and on the label you saw that it read ‘drink me’

“it’s dangerous out there for you, alice, so please go with yeosang”

and you were confused because you couldn’t see anyone else around

it wasn’t until you looked down that you saw there was in fact another person with you, and he stood tall enough to fit through the small door next to you

if anything this only confused you more but hongjoong kept talking telling you to follow yeosang and to do what he tells you if you want to stay safe

but then he took hold of you by your shoulders and leaned in and said something so cryptically gentle

“all will be revealed soon. i promise”

your stomach erupted into butterflies at the strange boy in front of you

and honestly your mind was running a mile a minute trying to figure what was going on

and you can’t ask him because before you can even blink he’s hesitantly letting go of you and goddamnit he’s running again

there’s a normal-sized door on the other side of the room that he pulls out a key for, and the lock clicks once he’s gone

Kang Yeosang as the Dormouse

yeosang is tired

he never got his afternoon nap because hongjoong was so sure that this alice was the one

he was excited for the hatter’s party this afternoon and his eyes drooped at the thought of being able to relax with the boys

he doesn’t really want to do this but he trusts hongjoong

if he’s sure you were the right alice then he knew how important it was to keep you safe, and he was going to give his all to protect you

he’s waiting for you to drink from the vial but you... aren’t

because you are still. confused.

you have tons of questions that you want to ask like WHAT is going on and WHY are you so small and was that boy really a rabbit and what was his name and why did he give me this and

but yeosang is like what are you waiting for? you gotta drink it do what it says

and you still have questions because wHY DID HE SAY I WAS IN DANGER, but he also said to do whatever yeosang told you to stay safe

and none of this makes any sense to you, so who were you to not do what he says

so you drink from the vial 

it’s fucking nasty

at first it was great, but the after taste made your eyes water and your throat burn

you started coughing, and when you stopped you noticed that yeosang was a lot closer to you than he was before

in fact, he and the door were suddenly much bigger than they had been a moment ago

until it hit you that whatever was in the vial had shrunk you

you don’t have any time to question it because yeosang is pulling out a key like the one hongjoong had so he can open the door for you and

holy shit

what you see is beautiful in every way

the sky was a brilliant blue with clouds like pillows and warm sunlight

the pathway you found yourself on was made of rocks and cobblestones with vibrant grass surrounding it

there had to have been millions of different flowers and plant species that towered over you when they wouldn’t normally

the flowers were like trees and the trees were like mountains

it was incredible seeing it from such a small perspective, but it truly made all the difference

you thought about how this must have been yeosang’s norm, and you noticed that like hongjoong he had animal ears as well

the boy next to you had mouse ears, and they bounced with his hair as he walked

at yeosang’s level, you also noticed that he had a sword that would be about the size of a toothpick at your normal size

his coat was similar to hongjoong’s too, only his was blue instead of hongjoong’s red one

he was... elegant, and he walked with an air of grace surrounding him

you couldn’t help but think that at this level you could tell he was cute too and it involuntarily brought a small smile to your lips

you were so in awe by everything and completely distracted by him that you could hardly hear what yeosang was telling you

he snapped his fingers in front of your face to get you to focus

“please focus alice, i’m trying to keep you alive”

you finally ask WHO is alice but yeosang only shakes his head at you because wow you don’t even know

when in reality, why should you?

so yeosang repeats what he was saying

“always follow the path, alice. don’t eat anything anyone gives you. if you see red run, and if you see cards hide”

and you’re only left with more questions as you’re both walking because what the hell do you mean cards, and why did i drink what that rabbit boy gave me

and yeosang just kind of sighs and says “fine don’t eat anything else” but he doesn’t really elaborate on what he meant by cards

and he doesn’t get the chance to because there’s suddenly a rustling coming from the distance and heavy footsteps

they’re getting louder and faster as time does by and yeosang is like SHIT he already knows you’re here

and you ask him who he’s talking about but he doesn’t say anything,, he only grabs your hand and starts running into the forest of flower trees and tall grass

which is off the path, so yeosang is already breaking his own rule

but you’re sick of not knowing what’s going on, so you plant your feet into the dirt below you and demand your questions be answered

and yeosang knows you don’t know what’s after you, but he does

he knows how dangerous it is to stop for even a moment so he’s like wHAt come on we have to go!

but you finally ask “what’s going on? what’s after us?”

“bandersnatch”

his words were simple, but his voice and his gaze were dark and knowing

you don’t know what a bandersnatch is, but just the way he said it chilled you to your core

so you let him keep leading you through the forest of flowers

and as you’re running you can’t help but think... is the ground getting less firm?

you knew it was a weird thought, but you could have sworn it was getting harder to run let alone walk

like the earth was changing to slow you down, to stop you,,, like it wanted you to get caught

you almost completely disregarded the thought figuring you were going mad when yeosang nearly fell over, which is something you didn’t expect because he had been so light on his feet before

he stopped then and unsheathed his sword

there was a small part of you that thought he was going to kill you or hand you over to whatever was chasing you, but the bigger part knew he was going to stay behind

it wasn’t a comforting thought, especially because you didn’t know what was chasing you

yeosang turned toward you again

“go, and please listen to what I told you”

“no what? what are you-”

“alice please, find the path again, don’t talk to strangers, don’t eat anything, and please please don’t stop and smell the roses”

in any other circumstance, you would have thought he was joking with his phrasing

but then again you were currently running for your life

it was the ominous way he said it that made you want to listen to him

your moment of hesitation made yeosang practically push you in the opposite direction

“go! run!”

it was enough to knock you back to your senses, and you turned and ran through the garden forest

the ground didn’t get any better as you ran, and you found yourself stumbling almost every other step

the further you went the more the flowers around you seemed to get closer to you

you could have sworn they were whispering to each other as you went, but that was impossible

they loomed over you like they were trying to close in and trap you, just like the earth was doing

branches were in your way, stems closing in and thorns tearing into your clothes and your skin

like the flowers were reaching out to grab you

you could feel the blood pricking at your cuts, and your legs screamed at you to stop running

but you couldn’t,,, you would be caught

you ran and ran as best as you could until finally, finally, you were free from the flower forest

you found yourself in an actual forest this time, the woods and the trees blocking out almost any sunlight from illuminating the world around you

but there was just enough for you to see the dirt path before you

you were quick to get back on it, and now that you were you let yourself slow down to breathe

your limbs were heavy and you were so tired, and now you were more banged up than before

you shivered, and you didn’t know if it was because of the chilly air or your own fear

there was mist in the air as well, so you could only see so far ahead of you

you continued on the path slowly

as you walked though you heard a soft noise

you think you’re mistaken because it sounds like laughter so you ignore it at first

but then it becomes more pronounced, more distinct, and you know there is someone laughing

it’s not sinister though,, it honestly sounds kind of genuine

melodic even

you’re about to pass under a large tree branch when out of nowhere - quite literally - a boy appears as if part of the mist

Jeong Yunho as the Cheshire Cat

the first thing you notice about the boy is that he has cat ears and a cat tail

the second thing you notice - and maybe it’s just because of how small you are - is just how big he is

he takes up the entire branch he’s laying on and even hangs off of it a bit

the final thing you notice is the huge grin on his face, a big toothy smile

it doesn’t feel mischievous though,, in fact it’s even kind of infectious

without even meaning to, you start smiling as well

and somehow, it immediately makes you feel less tired

it seems like it makes the boy smile even brighter if that’s possible

he leans his head on his hand as his tail swings back and forth lazily off the branch

“huh, where might you be off to stranger?”

you’re well aware that yeosang told you quite specifically not to talk to strangers

you’re prepared to just keep walking, but you find yourself really wanting to stop and talk to this weird cat-boy

so you hesitate trying to think about what you should do

he simply smiles at you though

“cat got your tongue?”

and then he’s laughing at his own joke like it was the funniest thing he’s ever heard

and god his laughter is infectious too

when you finally gather your bearings you tell him you’re not supposed to be talking to strangers, that you need to keep following the path

“where to?”

you.... don’t have an answer

truly you don’t know, and yeosang never told you where to go

the crippling thought of being completely and utterly lost makes you stop again, “i... i don’t know”

yunho sees your mood change, the downcast and dejected look that ghosts over your face as you look down

and yunho just can’t have that

he thinks i gotta turn that frown upside down NOW

so he starts leaning forward off of the branch, and you’re worried because stop oh god you’re gonna fall!

but yunho just keeps going and keeps going and... keeps going

until he’s off of the branch, but he’s still floating above the ground

and you think this place just keeps getting weirder

yunho floats over to you so you finally get to see him up close

he really is huge, and you know it’s not just because you’re tiny

his eyes are giant and slit like a cat’s too, and they seem to change between yellow and green and blue

truth be told, he looks inviting with his fluffy sweater and his soft hair and his nice smile

the longer you’re together, you feel you can trust this boy

yunho speaks again, his voice softer than it was before

“don’t hesitate. people get lost when they doubt, so don’t. know you are going the right way, even if you don’t have any direction. then you’ll never be lost”

while it doesn’t make the most sense, it does make you feel better

you smile at him again softly and thank him genuinely

and yunho smiles even bigger because that’s exactly what he wanted - you to smile

“my name is yunho” he says before he decides he’s going to mess with you

so with a smirk, he disappears again into the mist

and it shocks you enough to have you turning every which way to see where tf he went, and you keep thinking goddamnit i’m alone again

but yunho reappears back on the same branch as before, only he’s hanging upside down from it

he almost reaches the ground because he’s so tall

but now that he’s back, you introduce yourself

yunho has kind of a lazy smile on his face and he’s like huh

because yunho’s not dumb, he’s everywhere so of course he’s heard whispers of a newcomer in wonderland

a new and promising alice

that rabbit hongjoong was practically hysterical about it when he passed in the wood hours ago, along with the constant “i’m late i’m late i’m late”

so yunho’s smile changes now to a bit more mischievous, and the switch is noticeable

there’s a glint in his big eyes and a twitch in his ears and an almost smirk that makes you feel the air has changed

the warmth is still there, that didn’t change, but now your chills are back, and you know they’re not from cold or a breeze or the mist

you’re about to bid him farewell when yunho continues

he knows a place where people could help you to not hesitate if you just keep following the path

ironically you’re still hesitant, only this time it’s because you really don’t want to be alone

but yunho quickly adds that he could be your guide along the path

and his kind and warm smile is back, gone any of the questionable mischief

in return it makes you feel warm again and all of the doubt washes away

you accept, and yunho’s cheshire grin grows until he's disappearing and reappearing right next to you

side by side he holds his hand out to urge your forward, and you begin again on the path - you walking and yunho hovering

it seems as though the huge cat boy gets smaller, like he was shrinking himself to your level

and you kind of appreciate it a lot because it feels more normal somehow despite how he’s literally floating

so you continue on the path through the woods talking amongst yourselves a bit

you explain to yunho how you got to this strange place and what’s happened so far

and yunho finds you have come across the rabbit and the mouse

so he’s like ahh you’re the one hongjoong was going on about but you’re like huh who’s that

and yunho tells you that the boy you fell on was hongjoong, the white rabbit who is an advisor at the palace

and you don’t really ask about the palace, but you’re still kinda reflective and repentant like “...i feel bad for falling on him. i broke his glasses”

yunho just wants to laugh because what a silly alice,,, with the way hongjoong was talking about you he’s not mad in the slightest

the entire time you’re walking together (more or less) you can’t help but think how nice this is because this is the first person since coming to this place that’s actually talking to you without a sense of urgency

it’s refreshing since both hongjoong and yeosang made it quite clear to you that you had to fear for your life if you wanted to live

yunho is just letting you live

you don’t get much out of yunho in terms of backstory or such

he does tell you a bit about how this place works, like how the food works and why yeosang was so adamant about you not eating anything

that little mouse always had a habit of making things sound like the end of the world

he also shares with you some little anecdotes from his life like when he stole hongjoong’s pocket watch one day and the boy nearly gave himself a heart attack

but finally, you reach the end of the wood and into a more open area of land

but unlike when you first entered the door with yeosang and saw color and vibrancy and beauty and something so wonderful

this was anything but, almost the complete opposite

the land was dirty and gray with hardly a flower growing out of it

gone were the brilliant blue sky and fluffy white clouds and comforting sunlight, now replaced with a completely overcast sky

as far as the eye could see, there was nothing particularly wonderful about any of it

you ask what happened, and for the first time since meeting him, you see yunho’s smile falter

he simply keeps moving ahead, saying you were almost there

you don’t talk anymore after that until you reach your destination

when you finally stop, you’ve reached a rather strange house with a bright windmill at the top

attached to the house is a tall hedge wall that disappears behind it, a wooden gate on either side

there was more grass here and there and some flowers, yet while it wasn’t a lot you couldn’t help but think that there were more flowers here than anywhere else in this land

it all looked... very out of place

yunho’s smile is back on his face as he watches you, opening the wooden gate for you both to enter behind the house

inside the walls was nothing at all like it was outside

you hadn’t heard it outside, but inside you can hear music that seemingly comes from nowhere

the back of the house was painted in stripes - pink and purple and blue and black and yellow with just about any bright color to match

looking closer the paint even looks wet still, like someone is constantly painting over it

the ground is cobblestone and grass, perhaps the greenest grass you’ve ever seen, even greener than when you first arrived with yeosang

in the center of the area is a loooong table with all sorts of chairs surrounding it

the table was littered with teacups and dishes and food and tea

in fact, there was tea everywhere

the delicious scent of the scones and the warmth of the tea makes your stomach growl and honestly, it catches everyone’s attention

because you’re not alone anymore,, sitting at the head of the table is a boy with a top hat and crazy eyes

on the left is another boy with rabbit ears, only his are brown and not nearly as well kept as hongjoong’s were

the color of his eyes reminds you of yunho’s but his pupils are so dilated and they’re so shifty

honestly, the boy himself is really twitchy

you’re surprised to see that on the right sitting on top of a stack of books is yeosang

his blue coat was gone, instead wearing a pink one with the buttons undone

the boys are all ecstatic to see yunho, all nearly shouting about how he’s just in time for the hatter’s unbirthday party

there’s a chorus of “ no way it’s MY unbirthday too!” that arises and it just serves to confuse you

but that mischievous smile is back on yunho’s face as he floats over to one of the seats

“yeah, i brought a guest”

Park Seonghwa as the Mad Hatter

at the head of the table, seonghwa’s crazy eyes widen a bit

they... they never get guests

and for his unbirthday party no less

he feels it calls for even more celebration

at the sight of you though yeosang is like “i thought i told you not to talk to strangers” and you’re like “WELL YOU KNOW HIM”

there’s really no winning with that boy geez

however, yeosang did tell seonghwa and mingi about hongjoong’s attempt at finding another alice

he expressed his suspicion, but he’s also starting to come around to the idea that you are the one

if you made it through the flowers and out of the woods, you’re doing better than most

and because of that, seonghwa comes ricocheting onto the table and walks across it to come meet you

he’s saying something like come and join our festivities, i’m sure it’s your unbirthday too alice

so he grabs your hand and leads drags you back across the table so you can sit next to him

you’re tired of being tiny

but walking on the table means there are dishes and cups and tea and food getting everywhere and breaking and lowkey you’re kinda afraid because that seems really dangerous

but hatter seonghwa does this all the time so he’s got it perfected

besides, he’ll have a ball cleaning it all up later and that’s not a joke

cleaning up after a tea party just means they can have another one soon!

so he sits you down next to him on the same side as the other rabbit boy and immediately starts dishing up some food and tea

but you’re kinda confused and ask umm what’s an unbirthday

you can practically hear a record scratch because all of them stop really abruptly to look at you and they’re like YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT AN UNBIRTHDAY IS??

seonghwa tries to explain it but he’s just so in shock that you don’t know he can’t practically word

he waves past you at the hare mingi to explain it instead because truly how could you not know what an unbirthday is?

so mingi explains it in his twitchy way, saying there’s only 1 birthday but 364 unbirthdays

he ends up getting extremely distracted by his spoon, his eyes getting impossibly bigger and pupils dilating even more than you thought they could

but you do understand now, and you happily tell them that it is in fact your unbirthday too

and suddenly they’re all clapping for you and digging back into their treats

the music starts up again at that too, and you’re almost sure it’s the teapots that are producing it

and you all have a nice unbirthday party for all of you :)

the hatter and the hare formally introduce themselves to you, park seonghwa and song mingi at your service

and they’re both shaking your hands at the same time but it makes you giggle

seonghwa with his red eyes and lovely smile says “welcome to wonderland”

he notices your torn clothes and it makes him pout a bit

he ends up taking off his scarf so you can wrap up in it if you’d like, since the scarf was big enough to be a blanket at your size

that alone made your heart skip a beat, but the sweet smile on his face warmed you even more than his scarf did

truly, this is the most welcome you’ve felt since getting here

seonghwa talks to you a lot and asks you questions, but it never feels overbearing

“what brings you here on this golden afternoon?” he asks

but he also asks you “why is a raven like a writing desk?”

he also tells a very sad story about a walrus, a carpenter, and some curious oysters

but he and the other boys are very polite and trying to get to know you

while you’re talking though you ask quite innocently “hatter why do they call you mad?”

the music gets quieter as he gets a faraway look in his eyes

it puts a bit of a damper on everyone, but before you can apologize he answers

“most everyone’s mad here, my dear” he says softly

“i was never good at cards, and the hand i’ve been dealt has been rather... much”

and you don’t know exactly what he means by that but he only stares off into space, reflective

seonghwa doesn’t like thinking about his past because it makes him sad, and he doesn’t like being sad

tea parties and unbirthdays are supposed to be happy occasions, but once he starts thinking about it it’s hard for him to stop

the other boys know this, so they explain to you what’s going on

he used to be a trusted advisor of the white queen, but then the red queen took over and never treated him the same

he was still an advisor for a while, but he could only take so much until he was finally dismissed for madness

“anyone who spends five minutes with that wicked man will surely end up going mad”

“i don’t know how hongjoong does it”

“all of us call him the queen of hearts because we’re sure he doesn’t have one”

this makes seonghwa laugh, and he starts returning to normal

you lean forward to try and grab his hand as best you can, and he appreciates the gesture

honestly, he thought you were the sweetest person he’d ever met, and he had only just met you

but he always liked to think he was an excellent judge of character

so the tea party continues on pleasantly

until

there’s some harsh knocking on seonghwa’s front door

and once again the nonexistent music stops completely, and it’s dead quiet except for the knocking

everyone knows exactly who it is except for you, but then again why should you?

seonghwa and mingi share a look with their identical yet completely different crazy eyes, but they look like they know exactly what they’re going to do

so seonghwa gets up and goes to his front door all while yeosang is fiddling with his sword, yunho is phasing in and out of thin air, and mingi is shaking and pulling on his ears

but you’re still sitting there with a half-drunk cup of tea and a cake that’s calling your name, but you know now’s not the time

after a while there are loud voices coming from inside seonghwa’s house, and that’s when suddenly things spring into action

yeosang stands from his stack of books and takes a cake from a dish that has the words ‘eat me’ painted in dainty cursive - just like the vial from earlier

you stare in awe as yeosang grows in height and stature until he’s around the same size as the other boys, no longer the size of a mouse

yunho disappears in a cloud of mist towards the house, and you can only assume he’s going to do something in there

mingi though is stuffing some of the food and treats and tea in a pack before, on shaky legs, he’s going toward you

damn he was huge too, but again that could just be because you’re still fucking tiny

he holds his hand out for you to take and before you can ask what’s going on, there is commotion going on inside of the house

you can hear extra voices besides seonghwa, one of them being yunho like you thought, and yeosang runs into the house with his sword drawn

mingi takes your hand then and half leads half drags you out of the hatter’s backyard

out of the colorful walls and beautiful scenery and back into the dark overcast of the world beyond you

Song Mingi as the March Hare

because mingi’s a rabbit too he’s so fucking fast so you can hardly keep up

and mingi knows this, so he hoists you up on his shoulder and starts running even faster than he had before

he knew you would only slow you guys down if you stayed on the ground, and you would have gotten caught for sure

but you still don’t know why you would’ve gotten caught, why you’re still running

so you ask mingi

you finally want your questions fucking answered

“what is going on? tell me the truth”

sweet mingi sees the fire in your eyes and the hears harshness of your voice and a few things come to mind

first, he knows your anger isn’t directed at him he’s just there, but it scares the shit out of him because holy fuck you’re scary when you’re angry

lowkey it’s also kinda attractive but you didn’t hear that from me

the second thing is that that fire is exactly what makes you alice

that fire is exactly what is going to save them

he continues running for a few minutes so he knows there’s enough distance between you and seonghwa’s house

when he starts to slow down you can tell that he’s not even tired, but he’s still going at a brisk pace

but when he does and because mingi is a sweetie, he tells you what the deal is

he tells you more about the red queen and how he’s not the true ruler of wonderland

his entire army is made up of playing cards, but only the heart cards - another reason he’s called the queen of hearts

mingi also tells you that the true ruler is the white queen, but his crown was stolen by the queen of hearts

there’s a prophecy that everyone in wonderland knows, telling of an outsider who will stumble into wonderland in their time of need and help them reclaim their kingdom

the hero, alice, would be the one to defeat the red queen and return the kingdom to its rightful ruler

and it’s their belief that that hero is you

mingi explains that every once in a while hongjoong will go up to your world to find a potential alice, but all of them have failed

he doesn’t tell you why none of them succeeded, and it makes you feel uneasy

but now, with you continuing to prove yourself and having survived this long, everyone is starting to believe that you are the one who will save them

and holy shit that’s a lot for you to take in

you literally came here by accident trying to ask a strange boy a question

you did not sign up for this, nor are you prepared to defeat a tyrant ruler

but mingi keeps talking because, you guessed it, the red queen knows you’re there

that’s why you have had to run so much, because if the red queen finds you, he’s gonna have you killed

and fuck if that ain’t more pressure

it’s lucky that the red queen doesn’t know what you look like or else you’d be dead by now

but then mingi just stops and looks at you on his shoulder and is like..... do you want to go back to your normal size?

and you’re kind of confused because it came out of nowhere

but also of course you want to get bigger, you’ve been tired of it for so long how do you get bigger?

mingi decides then that it wouldn’t hurt to slow down a bit more, so he picks you off of his shoulder and to the ground

and out of his pack he takes out one of the cakes he took, and it’s similar to the one yeosang ate to get bigger

the treat says ‘eat me’ on it too, and he hands it to you and tells you not to eat it all, only a bite

so you do, and unlike the disgusting vial from earlier the cake is almost sickeningly sweet

it felt like that single bite of cake rose in your stomach, and it continued rising until you were back to your original size

once you’re big again you can see that mingi is still tall, and you’re sure yunho is just as big too, maybe even bigger

you thank him because while being small was cool and all for a while and you could see all that cool stuff, you much prefer being your normal size

you give the cake back to mingi and your hands brush, and you take his eyes widening as you had done something wrong so you apologize

but in reality, mingi is malfunctioning and his ears are twitching and he’s shaking again and his eyes are shifty and he really wishes he could pull on his ears but also he doesn’t want to embarrass himself in front of you

so with shaking hands he puts the cake away and continues walking pretty fast-paced and tells you that you have to keep going

you ask him where as you adjust seonghwa’s scarf around your neck - since it was finally small enough to be a scarf - because really where could you be going?

“i’m taking you to the white queen”

and you freak out a little because oh shit i’m about to meet royalty there’s even more pressure

you keep on the dirt path until you come to a fork in the road, a wooden pole with numerous signs giving directions

the ones closer to the ground said things like “this way” “that way” and “yonder” and you wondered who could have put those there

the one on the top-right though had a large red heart painted on it

the one to the left of it had been broken off

mingi led you in the direction of the broken sign

“the white queen’s castle is this way, we just have to keep following the path”

you both continue talking a bit more, and mingi is kinda just telling you about what the white queen is like

but much like before, you are stopped by the sound of heavy footsteps in the distance

and mingi’s eyes widen again and his pupils are so small

and he’s like fUCK they found us already

so mingi grabs your hand and you start running again along the path

and you keep running until the guards are gaining pretty damn close

they’re close enough for you to see that yeah, those guards are cards except for the one in the front

you don’t stop running, but mingi has to shout to tell you that you have to keep following the path to get to the white queen’s castle and that you are going to have to do it alone

before you can ask or stop him, mingi is letting go of your hand and running off the path, shouting at the guards to catch their attention

and for the most part it works, you see most of the card guards veer off the path to follow the march hare when you glance behind you

but there is still one guard chasing you

the one in the front who wasn’t actually a card

so you’re running as fast as you can to escape this one guy while also trying to get to the white queen’s castle

you think you can see something off in the distance but you’re not too sure

and you can’t figure it out just yet because the guard, atop a beautiful black horse, catches up to you

Choi Jongho as the Captain

once he reaches you, he grabs your arm to lift you onto his horse, but you end up falling to the ground instead and get dragged oof

and because of this the boy gets off the horse and stands in front of you

the boy wasn’t necessarily super tall, but wow this kid is buff

while you now know why these guys are chasing you, you still end up asking rather fearfully fUCK who are you why do you keep chasing me please don’t kill me 

“silence, you are in the presence of choi jongho, captain of the red queen’s guard”

honestly? he’s kinda scary, and you’re worried he’s going to smite you right then and there

but that sweet boy is still human so he’s seeing you and how afraid you are of him and shit are these feelings?

but jongho is still the captain of the guard so he can’t just?? not do his job???

so he starts questioning you like “state your business, alice”

he shouldn’t be questioning you though, and he knows the queen would have his head if he knew he didn’t just take you in

literally, not figuratively

but he really just doesn’t want to do anything he’ll regret

but you’re there thinking fuck i know about the prophecy and it probably is me it’s talking about but i can’t let this captain kid know that

“i don’t know who this alice person is or why everyone keeps calling me that, but man i just want to go home :(”

now look, jongho knows you’re not telling the whole truth 

he and hongjoong know everyone in wonderland, and he’s never seen you before

but he knows your distress is real,,, he’s seen it many times before

you also seem quite genuine about wanting to get out of here and goddamnit jongho’s HEART is ACHING and he’s having a goddamn change of heart about his loyalties fuck fuck fuck

so jongho sheathes his sword which is a good sign, but you don’t feel brave enough to get up

and jongho, stoic as ever, is like yep you’re alice alright, but you say you’re here by accident?

“yes, i was following the rabbit”

“the rabbit? hongjoong?”

“YEs him!”

and jongho has a lot of respect for hongjoong,,, the guy’s the red queen’s advisor, the most trusted one along with jongho

yet hongjoong still fights for wonderland and wonderland only

jongho honestly looks up to hongjoong because of that

it’s not about loyalty to the ruler, it’s about loyalty to wonderland

which is why hongjoong is so adamant about finding the alice of the prophecy, so they can restore the kingdom of wonderland to what it is supposed to be

under the rule of the white queen

and because jongho respects hongjoong so much and since he’s so sure you are alice

he is willing to help you

jongho holds his hand out for you to help you up and you see tattooed on the back of it is a big red heart, and you can’t help but think it makes him look like he’s... branded

you’re hesitant to take his hand because just a moment ago you were afraid he was going to kill you

but jongho sees this so he says “relax i’m not going to kill you,, in fact, i’m gonna help you”

so you take his hand and he lifts you up and wow he’s strong but you ask him why you should believe him

and truth be told you shouldn’t because his armor alone is enough to tell you where his loyalties lie

but jongho says “look i’m willing to let you go if you really are the alice from the prophecy” and then he asks you if you are planning on defeating the queen of hearts

the fact that he was calling the queen that told you all you needed to know about his loyalties

while you’re not fond of the idea of defeating someone, you’re pretty resigned to your fate

so you tell him yes

and jongho tells you he’s going to let you go

you’re confused again though so you ask why are you letting me go are you not the queen’s captain?

and jongho’s like yeah ok i know i’m supposed to be loyal and i am loyal just not to the red queen

“i’m loyal to one thing and that’s wonderland”

jongho tells you that wonderland doesn’t stand a chance if the red queen continues to rule, that the people of wonderland deserve better and that better comes from the white queen

you see now where he stands and realize no he’s not bad and he’s not disloyal

he just has a strong moral compass, and you respect that

jongho tells you he would escort you to the white queen’s castle, but he still has to keep up appearances so he has to let you go on your own

because jongho knows damn well that if he “fails” or the red queen figures out his allegiance is changing, he dies

so he’s gonna ride back to catch up to his card guards while you keep following the path because you’re almost there

he probably tenderly places his hand on your shoulder and is like “stay outta trouble” or some shit honestly

but anyway jongho gets back on his horse to leave and you thank him

because from the bottom of your heart you really mean it, and you’re thankful for him for sparing your life and being so caring about wonderland

and jongho ends up blushing a bit because you’re just really sweet he hopes you win

he tells you “thank you for saving us” even though nothing has happened yet, but you’re there to save them now

so jongho leaves to find his card guards while you once again start along the path

and jongho was telling the truth, the white queen’s castle isn’t that far away so you get there pretty soon

and you’re still. so. tired.

you’re almost exhausted and your clothes are still torn and you’re still covered in cuts and bruises that scream the longer you move

so when you see the tall white walls and the gate to the white queen’s castle you nearly cry

when you’re through the gate - which, unlike the red queen, has tall white chess pieces on guard - you fall to the ground and finally let yourself relax because you finally feel safe

you finally made it

as you’re laying down with your eyes closed on the hard ground in front of the castle, you hear a nice voice above you

“welcome to my home, alice”

Choi San as the White Queen

holy shit it’s an angel

not an angel no, a god

those are your first thoughts when you open your eyes and see the ethereal man in front of you

clad in all white with a gentle glow around him, no one needed to tell you that this man was the white queen

he held his elegant hand out for you to take 

san doing princess hands hnNNG BYE

“my name is choi san, alice. i’ve been expecting you”

his words are warm and fluid, and you don’t feel nearly as tired

san too can’t help but think about how tired you must be from your journey, and his eyes are tinged with sadness as he realizes you’re hurt

he’s so warm and inviting and welcoming that your body moves on its own

you take his hand, and he gently helps you up before leading you inside the castle

the castle is regal with white marble pillars and a white tile floor that practically looks like glass

there are so many floor-to-ceiling windows that let in natural light and makes everything look so beautiful

san leads you to the kitchens and it too is almost completely white with larges windows and

...

what’s mingi doing here?

when mingi sees you though he’s like NICE YOU’RE STILL ALIVE lmao

he looks like he’s cooking but also it’s hard to tell because he keeps throwing stuff around

but san just glides over to one of the tables to work on his own project and beckons you to join him

you have to duck a couple of times because mingi is throwing something that looks like food but you can’t be too sure

you dip your finger into a bowl on the counter and tell mingi it needs more salt

but i digress

you go over to san while he’s working on something and watch him like :))) watcha doing?

and san simply smiles, thinking

you, alice, were here in front of him

you were to be their savior

and wow you were cute too

he keeps working and doesn’t really say anything, but you see he’s putting a lot of weird ingredients together to make some sort of concoction

and you know he’s gonna make you ingest this and you can’t help but think fuck these ingredients are gonna be so gross but also i’ve eaten a bunch of gross stuff today so what’s one more thing

so once it’s done san smiles and holds out a spoon for you

“this will heal your wounds, just blow on it because it’s hot”

and you’re like yeah sure thing and do it before drinking from the spoon

ironically, it’s one of the best tasting things you’ve had all day

which doesn’t sound right

but anyway

it starts working immediately, and you can feel your cuts and wounds close up and your bruises are soothed which tells you that they are going away

and you’re pleasantly surprised and thank him. “i feel so much better!”

and san’s beautiful fucking smile never leaves and he says of course alice it’s the least i can do

he tells you then that he’ll lead you somewhere in the castle for you to get fresh clothes since yours are ruined

you keep the hatter’s scarf with you even after you change because you find it quite comforting

but once all of that is through and you’re all rested, san takes you to the throne room

you see mingi and yeosang and seonghwa and yunho there too, and they all look so happy to see you

but once you’re there and standing before a humble white throne

san finally offers his proposal

“alice, there is a prophecy that tells of a hero who will come to our land to save us. they are meant to defeat the red queen and help us reclaim the throne so the rightful ruler can reign. i am certain that you are this hero. everything about you fits that of the prophecy. i have no right to ask this of you, alice, but will you fight for us? will you help us to take back our kingdom?”

hearing it out loud, being asked, suddenly makes this feel so real

you roughly already heard the prophecy from mingi, so at least you saw this coming

but you don’t feel like you can decline in front of all these people who are counting on you

more importantly, you don’t want to

you know you really are the only chance of these people getting their kingdom back, and from all you’ve seen and been through, you do care about wonderland

you know the people care about wonderland too, and whether you help them or not, they are going to fight

so why not help them?

so you accept

you say that you will help them to defeat the red queen, you just need to know what to do

before san can say anything else the throne room erupts into cheers and applause because finally, finally, they have a chance to have their kingdom back

san holds his hand out to quiet everyone down

he tells you that you will have to infiltrate the red queen’s palace somehow and find him - he explains to you what has to happen

all the while though you can’t help but think how in the world am i supposed to do this???

you express this concern to him once he’s finished and he’s quick to reassure you

“you won’t be alone, dear alice, i promise you”

and you want to ask but then you remember

hongjoong, the boy who found you and started all of this, is one of the queens advisors

jongho, the fiercely loyal and branded boy, should be right there with him

they will be there

yeosang offers to go too and help fight which is super sweet because man that boy is fearless for such a small mouse, even though he was the size of a normal person still

even the other boys look like they would volunteer in a heartbeat so you wouldn’t be alone

and you feel incredibly grateful for each of them

you find yourself in a room preparing for your imminent battle soon after everyone was dismissed from the throne room

san knocks on the door not long after

all the while you are sitting on the bed with anxiety eating at you as the reality sets in even further

you were about to battle someone without a clue what would happen in the end, and that was terrifying

but sweet san is there to encourage and reassure you that while it will be hard and you will be tested, you are strong and capable

you can do this

and he says something like what yunho said before

“if you doubt yourself, you’ll lose yourself”

he really does help you to calm down,,, his voice is so soothing and he himself is so nice and caring

so you say “thank you, your majesty”

but he shakes his head fondly and says “please, call me san”

but his smile falls for a moment as he looks intently into your eyes,, and it’s so different from how you’ve ever seen him so you’re slightly worried

“you don’t have to do this,, i won’t force you... if you wish to go home, you can. you have a choice”

the thought had crossed your mind multiple times

you did want to go home

but you wanted to help them more

you gently take san’s hand from his lap and squeeze it

“i’m going to do this. i promise”

he looks at you, and you think your eyes are playing tricks when you see his gloss over

you can’t dwell on it because he lifts your hand to give it a kiss, and that alone told you everything

when the time came you were hesitant to leave the white queen’s castle, and san was hesitant to let you leave as well

but you both knew you had to do this

so on horseback, looking back one last time past the gates at all of the people you’ve met and bonded with, you finally made your journey to the red queen’s palace

you were lucky not to have too many problems along the way, but sneaking in was...

scary

the palace was looming and red and black, and you could have sworn even the moat was blood red

you hoped to all things it wasn’t blood

you would have asked yeosang, but you lost him once he went back to his mouse size

all the while as you’re sneaking into the palace and stalking down the halls, you are taking his advice to heart about the color red and cards

but you couldn’t remember,,, did he say run if you see red and hide if you see cards? or did he say hide if you see red and run if you see cards?

you don’t have enough time to figure it out when you see the card guards coming right down the hall toward you

you make the fatal mistake of running

their uniform pounding footsteps flood your senses as they catch up in no time

a card guard takes hold of each of your arms and begin dragging you away

your fear spikes as they bring you all the way to red queen’s throne room

if san’s castle was light and comforting, the red queen’s is red and menacing

the windows are stained glass, not letting in nearly as much light

there’s a wide staircase leading up to a looming red and gold throne, and you think that it too looks like the color of blood

but when you look up, your blood runs cold

Jung Wooyoung as the Queen of Hearts

standing in front of his throne is the red queen himself, waiting for you

this is it, you think,, no... you know this is it

you’re caught infiltrating the queen of hearts’ palace,, he will have your head

your heart feels like it’s going to beat out of your chest 

you have to think fast

wooyoung has his hands on his hips, golden crown and black robe making him look absolutely regal in his red suit

to his left is the card captain jongho, his branded hand clutching his sword, and his eyes giving away more emotion than he means

to his right is the white rabbit hongjoong, his white waistcoat covered in red hearts, and his ears standing up at attention, eyes wide and skin drained looking as if he wasn’t even breathing

all eyes were on you

and despite the fear coursing through you, you don’t back down

you vaguely wonder where yeosang could be when suddenly, the queen makes the first move

wooyoung takes the few stairs down to you, and you can see up close that his handsome face is fuming red with anger

the card guards let go of you and back away so the queen’s wrath can be fully directed at you

“who are you and what are you doing sneaking around my castle?”

his voice is loud and carries throughout the entire room

you nearly flinch back but you force yourself not to

but... hang on

he asked who you were

does... does he not know that you are the alice?

from your peripheral vision, you can see hongjoong’s eyes widen to the size of dinner plates and jongho takes his hand away from his sword in surprise

but then you remembered

mingi said the queen didn’t know what you looked like so he didn’t know it was you, and you were determined to keep it that way

you force any shock from your face so you can appear as stoic as possible

“please forgive me, your majesty-”

“HOW DARE YOU SPEAK WHEN YOU WEREN’T ASKED TO”

he goes on about how disrespectful it is already to be snooping around another person’s home, but to talk out of turn like that is another level entirely

he ends up whipping around to hongjoong with murder in his eyes and a shout that rattles through you 

“OFF WITH THEIR HEAD”

you’re immediately filled with panic

you see hongjoong shaking looking like he wanted to step forward and say something, but he can’t without risking wooyoung finding out the truth about him

even jongho looks like he wants to intervene, but as the queen’s captain he can’t

you briefly think about where yeosang might be as you wrack your brain for what to do

little do you know he’s just about to come down there and fight the queen himself when you, in a split second, decide what to do

you take a chance

“i’m here for the queen’s unbirthday!” you say as the guards take your arms again, starting to pull you out of the throne room

the room goes silent then

you hope to all things that today of all days wasn’t the queen’s actual birthday

the change in wooyoung’s mood is immediate

the furrow in his brow is gone, raising instead as a large and open-mouthed smile forms on his face

the red in his face fades into what you could almost mistake as a faint blush

“ahhh my unbirthday how sweet how did you know?” he asks excitedly, and even rather bashfully

“i heard it was today, your majesty. there has been much talk about your party”

you’re chuckling kind of hesitantly to diffuse the tension in the room, and it kinda works because wooyoung is letting out quite loud but genuine laughs in return

“why of course you did! my parties are always the best!”

hongjoong behind him: FUCK I HAVE TO PLAN AN ENTIRE PARTY THAT WAS DUE LAST MONTH

lowkey though he’s really relieved about it though because, you know, it means wooyoung’s not gonna kill you yet

but before hongjoong can sneak out to plan a fucking party and invite almost all of wonderland, wooyoung is turning around to talk to him

“rabbit when will my spectacular party be taking place?”

and hongjoong legit wants to die, like he’s actually considering getting beheaded so he wouldn’t have to do this

but despite his nerves and the twitch in his ears and the fidget of his hands he answers “just after tea time your majesty” which should be an hour or two which gives him time to get the party set up outside and invite almost all of wonderland

and wooyoung simply claps his hands none the wiser because even though it was just brought up he believes his party has been planned since the beginning of time basically

he shoos the guards away from you because unhand them NOW they are an honored guest!

he also waves off hongjoong and the other advisors in the room to leave so they can fucking plan and dismisses most of the guards too

it’s only him, you, jongho, yeosang (secretly heheh), and a few card guards left in the throne room now

and somehow the room feels brighter, as if the amount of light and color in the room changes based on the queen’s mood (which you wouldn’t have been surprised about)

wooyoung steps forward to take your hand sheesh what’s up with everyone and wanting to hold your hand and apologizes for his guards’ incompetence (even though the guards are under him)

and so he gently orders (not asks) you to join him for tea time since you’ve come all this way

but then he’s like no, oh no no no we have got to get you into something more suitable

so he tells a guard to escort you to get some new clothes while jongho escorts the queen for tea

you’re in red robes now and it feels... like a brand

it’s comfortable and all and you look nice and feel elegant

but it feels like the heart on jongho’s hand and the hearts on hongjoong’s waistcoat

in a way, it feels like you’re trapped now

but anyway you join wooyoung for tea

and wooyoung is much happier seeing you in red and he tells you that there’s a dress code inside the castle walls and for his parties

red and black

no white

gold is reserved for the queen

and since you are like a guest in the castle, wooyoung acts like you’re his personal guest, like he invited you himself because he likes you

so along with the new outfit, wooyoung also gives you a bouquet of red roses

only... the red is painted on

you take notice of this and are like “... you paint the roses red?”

and wooyoung once again loses his temper and is like WHO’S BEEN PAINTING MY ROSES RED FIND THEM AT ONCE AND OFF WITH THEIR HEAD

and jesus you freak out kinda because of his booming voice and fragile temper like shit it’s SCARY

and jongho’s in the back like fuck fuck fuck

wooyoung lowkey notices your shock and fear and calms down because whoops,, don’t want to seem crazy in front of my cute guest

but he is crazy dude like very very fragile

anyway you dine and have tea and you have to sit next to wooyoung because he wants to be close to the cute guest

and you’re pretty antsy next to him you just try your best not to show it

he asks you a bunch of questions like what’s your name where are you from simple questions

but he also asks like what do you think of the color red, do you like playing cards, what do you think about large dangerous animals, kinda weirder questions like that

and honestly it’s a lot for you to process and keep up with but also wooyoung’s kinda talking more anyway

because the red queen is very talkative and loud and somewhat egocentric, but also he really is trying to keep the conversation going and get to know you as best he can

one of the other advisors ends up coming in and is like i’m here to collect this person’s present for you your majesty

and you’re sitting there like sHIT I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING

but then wooyoung just kinda waves them off rather annoyed because why are you bothering us? clearly this person is my present ;))))

which... is a problem for a few reasons

first off, you’re like whoa ok umm what have i gotten myself into with this guy

but also you’re like well he’s cute so it’s not the worst thing that could happen, which sucks because i’m supposed to dethrone this guy

but then everyone else in the room who knows the queen and knows what he’s like know that... he doesn’t do that

the red queen wooyoung loves presents and gifts and getting things from other people

never once has he said someone didn’t have to give him a present

jongho is standing in the corner watching this unfold and thinking oh no,,, he really likes them

but same though you’re fucking great

and you can sort of see jongho just looking sick to his stomach and you’re like,, what’s that about

but anyway tea time ends eventually and it’s time to fucking party

honestly for only 1-2 hours to plan everything get everything set up and invite everyone, hongjoong did a fantastic job

because he has experience lmao this isn’t the first time something like this has happened,, this ain’t his first rodeo

but yeah there’s a bunch of people already at the party and a bunch of people lined up outside the gates to get in still

wooyoung comes out with you on his arm and jongho trailing behind you

and you’re like shit this is weird and uncomfortable i look like i’m his date when in reality i have to defeat him

lmao awkward

yeosang acts like he wasn’t just sneaking around the castle and joins the party, along with the hatter, the hare, and the cat

they’re all dressed exceptionally nicer than when you saw them before, but they don’t look comfortable at all

gone are the mismatched suits, soft sweaters, and noble coats, replaced with uniform red and black suits

you almost don’t even recognize seonghwa without his top hat

they all look miserable until they see you

at first they’re like,, fuck dID THEY BETRAY US for a hot minute

but hongjoong, who has seen the whole thing, is quick to let them know that this is all part of some plan

hopefully

which it is, you’re just making it up as you go along

some of the party’s festivities include the giving of presents (of course), the eating of cake, croquet, etc.

really you can obviously tell that no one likes the red queen, but they’re forced to come or else it’s disloyalty you know?

you don’t stay by wooyoung’s side the entire time, nor does he make you even though he wants you to and thinks you should want to

but because of that you are able to talk to the other boys

yeosang is still small but he has a cake with his name on it when you say go

mingi’s nerves are on high alert because holy shit we’re doing this we might die but at least we’ll die for a good cause

yunho is there to reassure you all and help ease your nerves with his nice smiles and melodic laughter and just him in general

seonghwa with his crazy red eyes is uncharacteristically quiet

the only thing he says to anyone is

“the dove is out of its cage”

and you’re like what and the other boys are like what but hongjoong is like oH

jongho has been hovering as well and the boys are suspicious about him but hongjoong explains to them that they can trust him, that his allegiance is changing as well and he doesn’t agree with the queen’s politics

something you already knew hehe

anyway hongjoong asks seonghwa when the dove will be returning to its cage and he just says very soon and suddenly hongjoong’s nerves are through the roof

because the dove is the white queen

san is on his way to wooyoung’s castle right now

and no one else knows that until san is literally at the gates of the castle trying to get in

and it’s a lot more chaotic now because there are a bunch of card guards shuffling to the gates and jongho has to go too since he’s the captain

and so when jongho comes back he’s got san with him striding in quite elegantly dressed in all white, completely unarmed

and wooyoung’s head feels like it’s going to explode because goddAMNIT I BANISHED YOU YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED HERE AND IF YOU’RE GONNA COME AT LEAST FOLLOW THE DRESS CODE

but san is unbothered, simply smiling as if wooyoung wasn’t about to threaten to chop his head off

wooyoung flat out asks what the hell san is doing there

to which he replies with “i was invited”

and wooyoung is like ahaha no i make it extremely clear to my advisors never to invite you because you’re not allowed here

and san’s just like “huh... well then what’s this?” and pulls out an extravagant invitation, the same one everyone else got

wooyoung’s eyes widen in fury and he whips around to hongjoong because who else would it be i guess but he literally looks like he’s gonna murder hongjoong then and there

but before anything else can be said, san keeps going

“before you go around pointing fingers, woo, you should know that your time here is coming to an end”

wooyoung simply laughs, “hA you and what army? i don’t see any of your chess pieces around”

he snaps and all of the card guards are surrounding them, jongho included 

and he also brings you closer because yeah he really does like you and he can’t have himself be threatened or anything in front of you

he has to be powerful because he is powerful and he wants to show off

“you see, san, i never liked chess. i much prefer cards,, they’re much more reliable”

the guards are grabbing san by the arms ready to take him away to be executed and literally everyone’s like !!!! FUCK THE QUEEN OUR ONLY HOPE IS ABOUT TO DIE WHERE’S ALICE WHEN YOU NEED THEM

hongjoong is literally looking back and forth between you and san like ?!?!?!?!?! IF YOU’RE GONNA DO SOMETHING NOW IS THE TIME

but san is still smiling. he’s not afraid

“i didn’t mean me”

you think that if there was ever a cue to spring into action, that was it

you get a hand on wooyoung’s sword and pull it out, immediately pointing it at him

everyone is completely silent

for once, so is wooyoung

he says your name, the first time anyone in this wonderland has said your name

and for whatever reason, it makes you feel terrible

“you know the prophecy, wooyoung, and you know the laws of this land”

he can hardly hear san’s words, only focusing on you

you have his weapon, his vorpal sword

if anything, that’s yours now

but he doesn’t want to think about what san is implying

wooyoung turns around to san again and waves for his guards to stand down

he walks toward san until they’re inches apart staring into each other’s eyes

“fine. i’ll show you the crown is mine”

so the red queen’s unbirthday party turns into a challenge

the laws of wonderland state that if the ruler is ever challenged to a duel for the crown, they are obligated to accept so they can either prove they are worthy of the crown or that someone else is

the rules are a bit fuzzy since you are the one fighting wooyoung for san, but i guess it’s allowed since wooyoung probably didn’t win the challenge himself at the beginning of his reign

but i digress, literally almost all of wonderland is crowding around a circle for you and wooyoung to duke it out for the crown

he takes jongho’s sword since you took his

for a while, it’s wooyoung who is winning because you don’t have the most experience with a sword

but after a while, you get used to it and wooyoung’s fighting style (which is very inconsistent on purpose) that it becomes close

everyone is watching in awe because first it was like shit you aren’t doing too great that means wooyoung’s gonna win fuck time to pass away

BUT THEN WHEN YOU START DOING BETTER THEY’RE LIKE OH SHIT WE HAVE A CHANCE CMON KEEP GOING

and yeah for a while it’s really close until finally, FINALLY YOU DISARM WOOYOUNG AND KNOCK HIM TO THE GROUND

AND EVERYONE AGAIN IS ABSOLUTELY SILENT BECAUSE HOLY SHIT DID WE JUST WIN?

YES THEY FUCKING DID

sorry i just got really excited ok? you did it!

everyone unloyal to the red queen erupts in cheers and applause and utter happiness

but wooyoung, on the ground in front of you, has one last question

“who are you really?”

“i’m not sure. i’ve changed so much since this morning. but they’ve all been calling me alice”

wooyoung’s eyes widen in horror as he realizes his fate

this really is the prophecy

alice has come to defeat him and steal his throne and his crown

and they succeeded

he has lost

he expects you to just slice his throat right then and there, but you don’t

instead, you stick the sword into the grass beneath you

you never agreed to kill anybody, nor would san want you to

wooyoung saw it as a chance he would never get back, so he took it

he scrambled back a bit and whistled, a very loud and shrill sound that came out of his mouth

suddenly everyone around you is in chaos, trying to run away and shouting because they know what is coming

you don’t, but you find the sudden loud pounding footsteps oddly familiar

you look over to the other boys and make eye contact with yeosang, and you can’t hear him over all of the shouting but you can just make out the word coming from his lips 

“bandersnatch”

your stomach drops

that’s what you were running from when you first got to wonderland, and you were about to come face to face with it

the footsteps get louder and louder until they stop, and right in front of you stands wooyoung’s bandersnatch breathing heavily and awaiting his orders

even san is kind of scared because he’s seen what wooyoung’s “pet” can do

but when you see it... it almost looks like a pet

the best way you could think to describe it at the moment was a cross between a cat, a dog, and a bear

as inappropriate as it was, you thought it was kinda cute what the hell

but again, i digress

wooyoung, who is still on the ground, shouts at the bandersnatch and points to you, “GET ALICE”

the animal in front of you digs its foot into the ground multiple times like it’s about to charge

everyone watching the scene is filled with fear 

and you

just

walk up to it

and bop it

on the nose

almost immediately it cowers backwards and shrinks in on itself like it was ashamed it had done something wrong

everyone else: shocked pikachu face

because what??? the hell?? that WORKED????

but you just get even closer to the bandersnatch and see that he really is like a pet,,, he’s really not scary

you start to scratch him behind the ear and he definitely likes that

you turn again to face san and wooyoung just like :/ yeah, what about it?

wooyoung is at a complete loss of words, absolutely mortified 

damn, that usually works

but now wooyoung really lost and is really defeated officially

after the confusion passes though the crowd is once again cheering and happy because NOW they did it

san walks forward between you and wooyoung, and the celebration quiets down because omg it looks like the RIGHTFUL QUEEN is about to say something

san announces to everyone that wooyoung will stand trial for his crimes and receive a fair sentence despite everything, and that if anyone so pleases, they don’t have to see the same fate as him

meaning whoever would like can renounce their loyalty to wooyoung right now and not be punished

the first one to do so is jongho

he unsheathes the dagger at his hip, and while most everyone believes he’s about to attack san

you know better

rather, jongho holds it tight to his chest and takes a knee

he bows his head before the white queen and says “i serve the crown, your majesty. i serve the rightful ruler of wonderland”

hongjoong steps forward then too and bends the knee, since he is wooyoung’s advisor

everyone is watching in absolute awe because that is wooyoung’s left and right,,, they never expected those two to be disloyal to him

but they serve wonderland, not wooyoung

wooyoung is feeling mf betrayed dude

that’s the example most everyone else who was loyal to the red queen needs before they renounce themselves as well,, all so they can serve the white queen

and you are just... astonished

you did it

you really helped them to reclaim their throne and their land

you fulfilled the prophecy

you can go home

that realization hits you harder than you thought it would, and you are honestly kind of disappointed to go

at the arrival of his chess piece guards, san orders them and his new guards to take wooyoung away so he can stand trial

not before taking the crown from his head, and it practically transforms before your eyes to white gold

wooyoung gives you one last betrayed look before he’s gone from sight

while everyone is talking and celebrating and rejoicing san turns to see you looking very forlorn, and he knows exactly why

he approaches you, followed closely by the other boys

because all of the other boys have been so impacted by you that they just... have to be by you again and talk to you

but they all see that you are kinda down and are like :(((( why??? we won thanks to you!!! this is a happy moment!!!

but you just look at all of them, all of these boys that have impacted you just as much

and you say “i can go home now”

and suddenly they all remember

they all jump at the opportunity to tell you NO YOU DON’T YOU CAN STAY HERE WITH US AND BE HAPPY

but you can’t, as tempting as it is

you have a life in your world, and while you know you can just pick up and leave it

should you?

san sees the decision in your eyes and tells the boys “they can’t, though. they must go home”

and finally, finally, he says your name

not alice. you

the boys still want to protest, but they can see it in both of your eyes,, they know what’s going on

so they all come to terms with the fact that you are leaving

but before you do, you make sure to share some words with each of them individually

you know, just so they can fall in love with you even more hehehehe

you look at all of them and say “i want to thank all of you, from the bottom of my heart

“jongho, thank you for sparing my life,, i’m so proud of what you’ve become

“mingi, thank you for being so sweet and taking the time to tell me things, and for putting your own life in danger when you didn’t have to

“seonghwa, thank you for being the best mad person i’ve ever met, and i hope you don’t stop being the same kind, pleasant, mannerful, strange, and mad person you showed me

“yunho, thank you for always being able to put a smile on my face,, you truly helped me to not feel doubtful, and i know i will never be lost because of you

“yeosang, thank you for doing everything in your power to make sure i’m safe,,, you are the bravest person and mouse i have ever met, no one will ever come as close

“hongjoong, thank you for finding me. if it wasn’t for you i would have never found this wonderful place with all you wonderful people,, i am happy you are safe and turned out to be right” 

the boys are all borderline crying now because you’re just so amazing,, they all love you so much, even in the short time you’ve known them

but finally, you turn back to san

you’re prepared to bow, getting on one knee and saying “my queen” because that is truly how you see him now

but san simply smiles and tells you to stand, that as long as you are here and san is ruling, you never have to bow to anyone or fear anyone

and you just smile back and say thank you

san laughs because he should be the one thanking you

he leads you and the boys inside the palace so you can go home

which makes you kind of confused because huh how does that work

san explains “wooyoung was always afraid of the prophecy, so he made sure the only door to your world was locked and sealed away for no one to find”

so he leads you all to said door, and it’s huge

there are gold gears and locks all over it, and it stands taller than anyone of you

san takes his crown off and places it in the center of the door, as if it acted as a key

and the gears begin to turn and bars unlock until finally, the door opens 

looking through it, it’s a bit distorted because it’s kinda like a portal that’ll take you back to your world

and san extends his hand toward the door so you can go, and everyone is looking at you teary-eyed and expectant

you take one last long look at each of them to memorize everything that has happened

and so, looking back with a look that screamed the promise of return, you walk through

[michibikionmain]

Dream Dies in the Prison AU

me: i am going to work on art today

my brain: dream is accidentally murdered by tommy in the fight instead au-

so anyways here's some very angsty and indulgent thoughts! tw for violence/gore mention, toxic dynamics, and death, mostly just canon-typical levels of everything! If I’m missing any important warnings, let me know

The main idea is that the fight between Dream and Tommy in prison from yesterday’s stream has the opposite outcome: instead of Dream killing Tommy, Tommy fights back stronger and is able to kill Dream, who has been weakened by almost a month of sitting in prison where he couldn’t exactly get out and exercise/move much puffy was so sad tommy died and that wasn't even her real son,,, imagine her reaction 2 finding out that her real son was being tortured by one of her closest friends... and died for it... All the guilt she felt for not being able to protect Tommy? That’s multiplied like a hundred times because she disowned him. She didn’t even try helping Dream, she had been too caught up in her own failures that she couldn’t see how bad things were for him. It’s like her mixed belief on exile, where Tommy deserved to be punished, but not tortured. She doesn’t think ANYONE should be tortured because that doesn’t help anyone! Not even Dream! Puffy had trusted Sam, one of the kindest and most understanding people she knew, to punish him but also rehabilitate and help him get better. And knowing that it was Tommy, who she thought had CHANGED and gotten better, who killed Dream in the end? She’s falling apart. All she wanted was her family to be happy, for the server to be fun and not full of death and torture but she couldn’t figure out how to break the cycle.

Maybe she starts to think more sympathetically towards Dream, maybe she wonders if everything falling apart wasn’t entirely his fault. Puffy already hates the factions on the server, what if that intensifies as she comes to realize that it was the creation of these factions that drove Dream into an unstable position where he ended up locked in an inhumane prison, weak enough to be killed by a child.

Tommy would be torn up, naturally, but I imagined he'd keep trying to play it off like "well big man deserved it after all the shit he did on the server! just have his ghost get the dumb book and we can bring back the people that matter" because his reaction to bad situations is to ignore the bad aspects and only focus on how they can help or affect him bc of the Trauma. Dream was just the villain... if he didn’t kill Dream, Dream would’ve killed him... there wasn’t another way. There is lots of denial and repression in order to not have to accept that reality of the situation he’s been stuck in. His trauma response is a victim complex, and that very much comes into play here. 

The Kinoko kingdom/El Rapids boys are.... they're so lost because FUCK if I’m not writing Feral Boys Friendship into the story

Sapnap knew things in prison were that bad- He SAW Dream, he saw how desperate and shaken and upset he was and even questioned if that was his Dream anymore, but... seeing his emotional brother killed like that? And knowing he never even got to TRY and improve himself? he's upset that he didn't try to help him sooner. The fact that it was Tommy that killed him too? Yeah that sits horribly with him, since him and Tommy were the ones that ones who started the disk wars together that ended with him trapped in the prison that Sapnap helped 

Karl is just out of it because of the Time Travel things. He can't control his time travelling despite how much he just wants to go back and make sure no one dies in that cell but he can't. It's fate, they can't both leave that cell alive. And it only helps to escalate his memory loss and the feeling of helplessness he feels at not being able to stop everything that's happened on the server.

Quackity is... confused Wasn't Dream the source of conflict on the server? Why the hell was he dead? Everything was Dream's fault... right? It can't be Tommy tied into the heart of all the problems on the server too, it was just Dream, their villain-- His entire grounding that's based on complete good versus evil and justice is SO shaken by this, especially after seeing how much it upsets the rest of his friends who couldn't just write him off as a one sided villain. The character development potential here is strong and I love it

We might not get actual George lore but FUCK if I am not adding him in the AU because i think his character has interesting potential. fuck this stupid good actor boy and the fact that he just doesn't wanna be involved. George was only barely aware that Dream had even been put in prison. Most people were too scared to talk to him about it in fear of upsetting him and thus incurring the wrath of the god and world that loved him so much that it put him to sleep any time he had a real chance of danger, but when he does manage to find out what happened in there, from Sam, his father/older brother figure of all people... who is at least partially responsible... oh boy. that's not gonna be a pretty confrontation part of him wants the world just to swallow him back into sleep, not permanently but like before: only waking him when he can be safe and happy. His dreams are happier anyways, because there the big happy family of the server is still together and they never split apart and the wars were all just games. the other part? the other part wants revenge on the cursed world that dared take away the only things that had mattered to him: his best friend, and his peaceful ignorance.

The only reason he’d even been waking up more was because Dream was less aware of everything going on outside now that he was in prison, and thus couldn’t compel the world to protect him in Dream’s stead. The world put him to sleep and loved him because Dream, while a separate being than the god DreamXD, is connected to the world and server, and loved George so much that his desire to protect him spread into the world. The world can’t protect him or be driven by that desire with Dream dead, though, so no more enchanted gogy sleeping through everything because of magic.

I have so many more cool ideas but if any1 would like to share more...

[percyjacksonfan3]

The Last Olympian Thoughts

So because I have absolutely 0 self-control or restraint when it comes to this series and its characters, and for The Last Olympian in particular, I could not put TLO down. Because of this I figured I couldn’t do the usual photo reaction posts I have been so far, because the spam would just be ridiculous, so I am stealing the idea from @yourstrulytaaay​ to do a masterpost instead. (Adding a Read More cause this got ridiculously long)

Fun fact, TLO came out right after i finished reading the series for the first time so it's the first PJO book i bought  and my only hard cover one for the og series. I checked the year and turns out it was published 2009, which means i was actually 9 when i read the series for the first time. I realize this is not really a fun fact but i thought i was older when I first read the series so it's blowing my mind a little ‘cause now I’m 21 and everything hits different and i still have so much love for this series and the characters Okay onto book thoughts: - i was right that this book is gonna destroy me, the first line alone made me so excited and nostalgic it's ridiculous - I love Rachel and Percy sm tbh. Her being a bit of peace and normalcy in his life without always reminding Percy of who and what he is is so good for him. Just a little escape

- of course by the end of the book that's not the case any more but by the end he's lived his prophecy so he doesn't need it as badly, plus he and Annabeth are solid again - Percy saying Annabeth has been hard to be around lately... Ouch my heart. Luke really is the last thing that keeps them from being together and Percy is so jealous and Annabeth so torn and in pain, i feel so bad for them both

- Beckendorf 🥺🥺 - the telkhine with the Lil Demon lunchbox!! I forgot about him. Percy: 'i left him alive, partly because his lunchbox was cool' is one of my absolute favourite lines tbh - Paul taking Percy crabbing and being imperative in helping Percy kill the giant crab 💖 Paul Blofis is important and deserves the world, okay? - aw Percy, you can't save every demigod bb

- 'i had to fight him eventually. Why not now?... What difference would a week make?' Oh Percy you have no idea - real talk tho, the fact Kronos possessed Luke's body would also mess me tf up. Percy keeps forgetting it's not Luke anymore and yeah, that would be so so hard and confusing af, like what another smart little mind game for Kronos to pull on top of everything else - the fact Percy fights Kronos before getting the Achilles Curse and actually doesn't die within seconds is... Astounding. He kicks him in the chest! And yeah Kronos is weaker and still adjusting to Luke's body, but Percy is having trouble fighting Luke cause they used to be friends - Percy breaks Kronos' time magic!! Like?! Boy is POWERFUL.

- OUCH - honestly Luke, Thalia and Annabeth's family breaking the way it did... Don't talk to me. Poor Annabeth, Luke betrayed them, Thalia joined the Hunters because of Luke's betrayal so she's pretty much AWOL all the time and then Luke dies. Like Rick wtf, my heart can't take it? -Percy and Tyson having each others backs when talking to Poseidon in the underwater palace is the brother-brother relationship we love to see - Percy trying to stick a sand dollar in the vending machines at school 🤦🏻‍♀🤦🏻‍♀ - the whole underwater interaction at Poseidon's palace? Perfection. Awkward family drama and all - Connor falling out of the tree when he sees Percy because he's so excited 😂😂

- 😭💖

- k, ik Clarisse isn't perfect but tbh if i was a child of Ares whose father was disrespected and hated by my fellow campers (ares deserves it but still) and that disrespect trickled down to how the other campers treated ME (which if Percy is reliable here, it obviously does) then i would also be irritated at being used for muscle and nothing else? And just expected to fight with the people who act as if they'd rather not have Ares kids around the rest of the time. Like Clarisse isn't totally wrong - Percy reading the prophecy, seeing he's meant to die and just being like 'i do not see it' and refusing to outright think about it makes me so sad for him - (but it taints every action after and he's super reckless afterwards bc of it- including finally breaking and accepting the Achilles Curse) - (also him taking this as the last straw and finally beginning to show Annabeth how he really feels, cause fuck it, he's dying anyway) - Give me more info about Rachel's backstory and family Rick!! -  how did i forget Percy willingly eats chocolates that taste like cardboard because 'i didnt have anything against cardboard' like sir? Ik Silena didn't want them but still? - 'she'd always been cute, but she was starting to be seriously beautiful' STOP, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT - Percy staring at Annabeth and forgetting what they're talking about cause hes so distracted 👌🏻

- hmm yeah... For some strange reason.... - i forgot how Percy totally bombs this convo bw them and now want to cry 😭 Annabeth is trying to talk about what's important and Percy, you sweet oblivious man, you're shooting her down without even realizing - love that they're both on the same wavelength tho. Percy two lines before, hmm it's cool to date ppl from other cabins, wonder why im thinking that around Annabeth, my best friend in the world, and then Annabeth a beat later, hmm, let me bring up Silena and Beckendorf and how it's important to be with the people you love when you have the chance, no way Percy will miss this huge hint right? - they're the best - k i honestly forgot Percy full on physically intimidates Leneus like that - luke telling his mom if he ran away the monsters wouldnt get her..i can just imagine luke crying when he says good bye before running away because he thinks it's his fault his mom is like that and he cant take care of and protect her anymore because it's too hard - uh oh now i have angsty pre-lightning thief luke fic inspo... Him, Thalia and Annabeth on the run... The ANGST -  Rick holds absolutely nothing back in this book and i am in pain - HESTIA!! 💖💖🥰 - actual loml - i love that Rick titled this book after her and that he wrote such a great series about the importance of family (biological, found or otherwise) and home, and that he said actually Hestia is the most important bc shes the most humble and keeps the peace and knows when to fight and when to yield and you protect what you love, which is your home - i just... Adore Hestia - Grover! Missed you babes - Hades is so so horrible to Nico, always comparing him to Bianca :/ - but i do love Hades, Persephone and Demeter together they make me laugh - oh god the River Styx - Achilles 🥺 - Annabeth being Percy's lifeline is, and continues to be, A Lot™ - 'my name was Percy Jackson. I reached up and took Annabeth's hand.' LOL Why am i crying? - Like the fact there is no Percy without Annabeth, and that remembering her literally reminded him of who he is in his very soul... It's fine im fine - i won't even get into the parallels of her being his lifeline now and then later when Hera takes his memories but leaves the memory of Annabeth for Percy to fight to get back to (anyone who wants to yell about it with me... Feel free to message) - badass Percy is my fav Percy tbh - him defeating Hades?? Like? Hades is arguably the most powerful god, okay - i feel bad for Nico but if i was Percy I'd do the exact same, Nico, sorry man but this is a high stakes time crunch deal and Nico is literally the only hope of persuading Hades and distracted by his own internal stuff - flashbacks to Luke, Thalia and Annabeth hurt, ow - George and Martha are the best - damn i forgot Hermes full on nearly kills Percy here, yikes - Luke stop cockblocking Percabeth challenge

- i love!! Percy's love for New York!! So much!! - Percy leaving to live in New Rome in HoO is a lie and this is all the proof i need for why - the fact the entire last half of the book is the battle and aftermath... Such great buildup and pacing. All the tricks and twists and battles in this War of Manhattan? I would not take out a thing, Rick, you legend - of course then the final battle in hoo with the gods is what? Two pages? Ugh, don’t talk to me about my hatred for BoO and HoO - 'no detours you two' is still the cutest thing!!! - THE HUNTERS!! Thalia i missed you - good job Percy, you finally spent your sand dollar - Minotaur!! - 'dont i get a kiss for luck? Its kind of a tradition right?' Percy finds out he's gonna die and is out of fucks to give and honestly I support him - also Michael just standing beside these two while they're flirting like umm 👀 👀 while a monster army marches towards them, nbd - Annabeth taking Ethan's knife meant for Percy!!! Cause she just knows his weak spot without him even telling her! They literally invented love - Feral Percy is so scary omg, i love how well Rick incorporates the Achilles Curse in this novel, with the whole heightened weaknesses and stuff ans the parallels to Achilles arrogance being what killed him and Percy's loyalty, fierceness and protective instinct being his own heightened weakness - the fact that Percy is the one who inadvertantly kills Michael Yew tho, I'll never recover from that - the fact Hades offers Maria di Angelo a golden palace by the Styx like how Poseidon offers Sally a palace under the sea tho. Let's talk about that parallel - the entire talk with Prometheus is so so good - not me picturing young Luke hiding in the closet to get away from his mom when she has an 'episode' -i love callbacks in stories and all of the callbacks to the rest of the series in this book make me very happy (medusa, minotaur, the underworld, Rainbow!! My baby!!, Daedalus and more) - Percy summoning a wholeass hurricane against Hyperion - the Party Ponies! They're so chaotic, i love it - Dionysus! 😁 I can't help it, i love him - Percy absolutely losing it when he sees Sally and Paul asleep in the car 🥺 - Rachel telling Percy he's not the hero screws with him so much :( poor bb - although i really really love how Rick wrote this, it's so refreshing to not have one chosen one save the world, but a combination of people - the drakon, Silena and Clarisse make me cry - the Patrochilles references, im not okay - Annabeth giving up on Luke after hearing what he did to Silena and Percy telling her that doesn't make him happy 😭 that whole interaction makes my heart ache - Percy giving Hestia Pandora's pithos 🥺 - and Hades, Nico and the others coming for a final attack is so badass, i love it - listen im glad the og trio were the ones to confront Luke on Olympus but the fact Thalia got so close and then pinned by a statue of HERA makes me so sad. Ik her and Luke were finished and she coped by cutting him off completely and giving up all hope but i would pay money to know what they would have said to each other to say goodbye - Ethan 🥺 - Poseidon joining the fight against Typhon is so cool, such a great scene - 'PEANUT BUTTER!' - Annabeth you brilliant badass you - RIP Luke, you werent great but you werent the worst either - the gods just rolling up seconds too late, wondering wtf happened in Olympus and who the dead body is - the chapter where the Olympians meet and give out rewards is one of my absolute favourites (again i am incensed we didn't get anything like this in HoO) - will Percy turning down immortality ever not make me scream in glee? No? Alright then - Annabeth being relieved like Percy was relieved at the end of Titan's Curse tho - oh Hermes :/ - its so hard reading all this and knowing what comes in HoO... Like it's such a cathartic, earned and mostly happy and peaceful ending and then HoO comes along and undermines it all - aww Rick let Paul see Olympus somehow pls, he deserves it, he killed a dracanae - (i would also love to see it) - Percy being more upset Rachel took his pegasus than her going to Camp and possibly dying, lol, priorities dude - i honestly think that Rick had other ideas for the second Great Prophecy and how things would go down in BoO, cause the prophecy like... Barely applies to BoO, Doors of Death are in book four, and explabations of it is all so unclear when Rick is usually pretty good with that stuff - PERCABETH - lol Percy complaining about privacy when he and Annabeth are caught kissing literally in the middle of the very open and public dining pavilion, okay - BEST UNDERWATER KISS OF ALL TIME - that's it and im a glass case of emotion - very happy to say that this series remains my favourite of all time 💖

 If anyone ever wants to come gush about anything Riordanverse related feel free, because as you can see I have a lot of thoughts about it all

[carcinized]

Hey hey hey I don’t have Tumblr BUT I saw your post about C!Tubbo dissociation headcanons and here I am, asking for them. And possibly more C!Tubbo headcanons. Preferably angsty. Just. Any of them. Please. Thank you.

oh, a fellow starved c!tubbo enthusiast. hello there, i do have some headcannons to spare luckily, hope you enjoy!! mostly this is the dissociation ones but i have some miscellaneous ones & songs at the end for you :]

so obviously uhhh tw for dissociation/depersonalisation/derealisation in this post!!! also going to put them under the cut bc this is long lmao

oh and disclaimer: this is very much based off my own experiences with (near constant) chronic dissociation so it might be different from other experiences!! yeah.

oh ALSO this is disorganized and probably missing stuff because i am going through a bad bout of spaciness as of right now, so apologies if anything is confusing, feel free to ask for clarification!

idk background timeline stuff so it fits into the story

at first he didn’t even realize he felt disconnected from things. it started off as a coping mechanism during combat and felt so similar to the feeling of being “in the zone” he’d known before that he didn’t question it

after a bit, it spread from only being there during battle to during conflict in general. still, he didn’t mind it—it actually made arguments more bearable because they felt almost secondhand.

eventually he came to use it as a crutch so much that it became constant.

that was when he started wanting it to go away.

and then because i can’t bear to give my precious c!tubbo constant dissociation he probably gets breaks from it sometimes idk lmao

his experiences:

gaps in memory

auditory processing issues

lots of depersonalisation and not recognizing himself in the mirror (which is even more fun/terrifying if you add in shapeshifter headcannons)

a lot of the time he feels like his actions aren’t his, which helped him to feel less bad doing morally ambiguous things (spying, exiling tommy, hunting technoblade, etc)

after it all he was left with near constant dissociation almost all the time.

it nearly always feels like the world is secondhand to him and he has no control/impact (ironic considering the power he has, and he knows that, but)

often wonders if he is dreaming and just waiting to wake up from a coma he’d gotten from one of his many battles.

when things get really bad he wishes he could just wake up from it.

often doesn’t recognize his hands looking down at them, especially with the burns he has now. they’re not his hands, right? but they are. they’re his hands. huh.

uhhh examples of where it could have been shown in plot if you squint lol

for example, that famous clip of him dancing while wilbur and tommy argue in the background would be a physical representation of him zoning out (dissociating) to get out of/away from an argument.

the whole yes man thing could have either been an auditory processing issue where he replied yes to wilbur without hearing what wilbur had asked OR a gap in memory where he didn’t remember telling tommy the opposite

he pulled away for like 5 months into snowchester and talked to hardly anyone but his husband and son. dissociation is hard to interact with people during because you feel so isolated for so many reasons—sometimes you feel you’re the only real thing there, sometimes it feels there’s a glass wall between you and everything else that IS real. and even ignoring that, most people can’t relate to feeling that way, leaving you even more alone. he could have pulled away because it was too much too keep going through that (i did that don’t recommend it tubbo JSJD)

miscellaneous headcannons that i don’t see very often:

after winning a battle, his instinct is to play a disc and look out at the sunset because that’s what he and tommy always did (see his lore yesterday (june 18th)—he did it with ranboo despite tommy not being there)

i’m rather fond of my original-l’manberg-citizens-consider-haircuts-and-fixing-up-appearances-affectionate-because-wilbur-did-it headcannon so i’ll add that here—basically wilbur gave everyone military cuts and new suits and everything. and while that was just for war, it was also because he cared about all of them. ever since, they all considered fixing up someone’s appearance an act of love.

tubbo refused to let anyone cut his hair after the red festival, not trusting anyone. he would probably let ranboo do it now, only he’s rather attached to the way it hides his burns and some of his horns and keeps him warm in the freezing snow.

he builds walls like how tommy builds cobblestone towers—a reflex, a coping mechanism, a habit. he built the l’manberg walls and ever since the defense has been second nature, whether for the best or the worst.

ive been waiting forever to share these i have way too many. i pass the hours staring out the window listening to misterwives and imagining c!tubbo animatics to it and now i have a chance to share them oh my god

so without further ado,

c!tubbo animatics i have in my head:

whywhywhy by misterwives: ok this one isn’t chalked out but it has him vibes

alone by misterwives: just him and ranboo. figuring things out. helping each other heal. i legitimately have an entire animatic in my head to this lyric by lyric and could make a fucking storyboard for it if only i could draw. if anyone wants me to write out lyric by lyric what it WOULD be though feel free to send an ask aHAHHAHAHA

over the rainbow by misterwives: a montage of c!tubbo just. finally going apeshit. that would be so cathartic alright and it’s such a badass song he deserves it

it’s my turn by misterwives: pretty much any times that tubbo finally got to do something back at someone who wronged him—the butcher army going after technoblade, him yelling at quackity about borders saying “well don’t i get to put my foot down too?” the lyrics “i know you’ve got your version of the story, i’m sick of saying sorry, i’m sick of always having to explain” during his spy arc PLEASE he had to justify everything he did and the “are you happier?” comment and schlatt breathing down his neck aAAAA give my boy a break (also the instrumental uses a lemon demon-type sound which makes me think of ranboo so i love imagining a cool bee dup building the outpost montage there snhshagahffn)

find my way home by misterwives: idk the vibes just fit man

oxygen by misterwives: hhhrnggg clingy duo angst oW

i did say i spend a lot of my time listening to misterwives and daydreaming c!tubbo animatics didn’t i?

anyways yeah. here’s some c!tubbo content to help us poor starved c!tubbo enthusiasts :’D also misterwives propaganda go listen to them female led band with a fucking badass lead singer with banger songs and incredible vocals and lyrics ANYWAY

[floralseokjin]

;club zombie (m)

In a world overrun by zombies, you’d think everyone was a goner, but the reality is much different. A steady diet of brains lets a zombie exist as a fully functioning human. Just ignore the part where they’re technically dead… In fact, these days, the amount of zombies outweigh the humans. A lot jump at the chance to be turned. Beg for it. 

Kim Seokjin controls the underground of Seoul. No one would dare cross him. That’s how most of the world goes these days. You wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of a zombie now, would you? However, you don’t quite see it like that. Spending most nights dancing at the club he owns, you catch his eye. It’s never the wrong side if you’re underneath him, right…?

pairing; kim seokjin x reader  genre/warnings; zombie! seokjin, mafia boss! seokjin, smut, oc has a ring kink (relatable), gets angsty two thirds in, some type of romance bc of course it gets fluffy towards the end lol words; 17,113

listen to; friction // 555 

⇢ Part of the Deadly Intentions collaboration. With @btssmutgalore​, @kpopfanfictrash, @underthejoon, @lamourche , @prolixitae and @taetaetrashhh, who organised the whole thing and created the moodboard! 

Please forget everything you’ve ever known about most zombie portrayals in books, movies and tv series, because this is totally different. The idea and inspiration came from the television adaptation of iZombie. If you’ve watched it then you have a better vision of how the zombies in my story are portrayed. If not, then please just give it a go lol. It may sound wacky, but it’s Halloween! So here’s to the 🧟🍆!! I hope you enjoy! 

You could hear Seokjin’s footsteps, boots clanking up the wooden stairs, and your stomach lurched in anticipation. He’d made you wait two frustratingly long hours, which was hell considering you hadn’t had time to be alone together all week. You were beyond excited for him to finally get his hands on you. Your body had long got used to craving him down to the very bone. 

He came into sight, the image of you draped along his bed rooting him in his tracks. Your robe barely covered your modesty. Nipples visibly hard against the silk. Sometimes there was no need for underwear. Not when it got torn off most of the time. He needn’t waste his money anymore. You let a slow smirk stretch across your face. “How do you want me tonight, Sir?” 

No need to greet him with a hello neither. What was the point? He’d told you to be in his home ready for him when he got back. Bedroom. He’d made that very specific. There was no need for pleasantries. Not when you knew greater ways to please him.

Him. 

Kim Seokjin. 

How did you get here again? So easily. So willingly. Like you’d wanted such a thing from the moment you’d laid your eyes on him. You had. Seokjin wasn’t your husband, nor boyfriend. He wasn’t even a casual hook up. In some ways he was more than any of the above. In others, he was less. It was an arrangement. The most simplest kind. Sex. With the city’s most dangerous man. 

No one in Seoul would dare cross him. Hell, this whole country. Maybe it ran deeper than even that. No, what were you saying? It definitely did. You just didn’t want to know. You didn’t want to know the details. You didn’t even want to think about what they could be. To you, the man you shared yourself so openly with could never be what they all described him as. Not when he’d shared so much with you too. It was puzzling to think people actually feared him. He had never frightened you. In fact, you’d only ever known him as gentle. Even when he had his icy cold hands wrapped around your throat, fucking into you so hard his bed, amongst other things, were fit to break. 

Yeah. This wasn’t the turn you thought your life would take. But then again, this world wasn’t exactly the same place it had been four years ago. The human race had to grow a thicker skin. Most changed completely. See, Seokjin wasn’t just your average crime lord. He was a rotter. So was over half the population. 

Dead and rotten on the inside. Cold and smooth on the outside. The correct scientific term was Undead, but in simpler, more familiar terms, they were zombies. Not your average text fiction kind though. No flesh rots. No foul smell. No incoherent noises, that sent a bolt of terror and dread through your body. No, the undead were able to live as fully functioning humans for the most part. A reality that took a little while to make sense of, but as it did, the world everyone had known began to change. Drastically.  

Unsure how it all started, although known to have been caused by some crazy scientist type, the disease, as it was called—now more of a lifestyle—had swept through most of America before their government and medicals could get to grips with it. It was as it was known in fiction. A zombie apocalypse. The whole world went into lockdown, flown into madness. Panic and strife were universal. The infected were destroyed and the potentially infected were quarantined. It was there they began to understand the infection. 

The virus still burning through the veins of the innocent would be extremely difficult to handle. The were, by lack of knowledge back then, your “cannon” zombie. Unable to speak, unable to think, and their eyes sunken, black and lifeless. If given the chance, and some had been, they would tear at the flesh of the uninfected, feast on their brains. However, kept under a close eye, locked and controlled in a box room where they couldn’t see out but an array of people could see in, medicals soon discovered there were ways to quell the deep, ravenous need they had inside them. Portions. That was the key. Starved or gorged of human brain just turned them frenzied. The need as a fresh, baby zombie was insatiable but with a controlled diet the world became a little more normal again. 

If you could ever call it normal. Human greed was at an all-time high. Who didn’t find it amazing that you could be a certified zombie while also retaining your human life? Who wouldn’t want to be dangerous? Feared? Who wouldn’t want to live potentially forever? The list went on, and that didn’t include countless governments’ motives. Soon the infection had spread willingly throughout the world. It caused fresh havoc. Some countries who hadn’t even wanted to get caught up in the mess, perished because they were too small or undeveloped. But most were smart, scheming. Here in the East a plan was concocted. 

Somehow they found the individual who created the virus. Whether they went willingly or were forced no one would ever know. Their identity still remained a mystery even after all these years. Together some of the countries’ top scientists helped mutate the sickness into something “better”. Injected straight into the veins, there was no longer a fear of the infected losing control. The Undead were created. Just another form of human, but with a hunger for brains. It took a total of eighteen months for the world to be okay again. 

Now that was all just a memory. Zombies were considered the norm, accepted into society long ago. A recent consensus found that just under 60% of the world’s population were undead. Humans the minority. They lived like humans, worked like humans and had families like humans. Although not in the traditional sense. The undead could still have sex. The men could still cum, by some grace of god, lucky them, but they were infertile. Women too. Reproductive system dead like the rest of them. 

Of course, just because there were a lot of humane rotters, didn’t mean there weren’t bad ones amongst the mix. Like you said, humans were greedy. Mostly for power, and being a rotter in the right place, right time gave people tonnes of that. They weren’t truly immortal though. That was well known. A shot to their rotten brain would kill them. Nothing else. That’s where the infection resided. 

To be turned there was a system. Applications, interviews, contracts…a waiting list for the injection that would alter your life forever. However, it didn’t work like that most of the time. The world wasn’t so perfect. Corrupt would be a better description. There were other, more simple, ways of turning. A bite or a scratch. Or even sexually transmitted within the first year of infection. There was nothing the government could do about it, and there were many illegal zombies rooming the country. And try all they might, no matter how many times, scientists couldn’t change the way infection took place. 

They also couldn’t change the compulsion for brains. Yes, there was no lost control in the beginning, but starved of brains for too long, devolved them into the “cannon” zombie once again. It would take months of starvation, but after the deed was done, it was impossible to be reverted back. Thus they were destroyed. As you could guess, crime levels had not lowered. They had only gotten worse due to gluttony. 

Donors now offered their brains up once dead, in a bid to keep portions up. There was complete control when it came to that, but again, that didn’t stop some rotters. Over the years, a lot more murder victims had been found missing a brain. But you digressed. It wasn’t all bad for the undead. They didn’t starve. They could still eat normal food, just oddly needed some extra spice. Their tastebuds has pretty much been destroyed after the turn, so hot sauce was their best friend. Scientists had also created “fake” brain. Think of it along the same vein as fake meat for vegetarians. A substitute. It didn’t give complete satisfaction, but it helped. In fact, they had quite an array of foods now, sold at any local convenience and grocery stores. For some reason brain sushi always made you laugh when you saw it. Surreal. Fast food stores had also caught on. Yes, Big Brain Mac was a thing now… What more did they want? As long as they had the real thing each month, life went on as normal.

They looked normal too. You’d forgotten to mention that one. Sometimes, with the help of hair dye and fake tan, they looked just like their past selves. There were a couple of giveaways though. If they weren’t high maintenance. Their eyes had changed an ice grey after the virus had taken hold, skin pale and cold, and hair turning white. Sometimes fully, but more often than not streaks or wisps of it. Oh, and their heart rate was ten beats per minute. They were dead after all. Pretty much. It  was only when they lost themselves, did they turn into something horrific. Eyes black, sunken into their skull, cheeks gaunt, close to rotting. You’d heard they could also fall into a zombie trance when experiencing intense emotions. Depending on the situation it had different levels of severe. You had never seen this though. You knew very well, that was a benefit for certain zombies. A scare factor. Intimation factor. Like you said, there were many who used their rotter status for evil and crime… 

Which put Seokjin in a very grey area. 

He controlled the underground of this city. You hated using the word mafia, naïve to it all. Something fictional to you, but that’s exactly what was going on. An organised crime syndicate. The oldest son of a wealthy and corrupt family, Seokjin was always heir to the blood soaked throne. He was extremely powerful, even more so than the city’s law enforcement. Actually, you knew for a fact he worked side by side with them a lot of time. Probably called most of the shots. He’d been human in the beginning, when he’d first become in charge, not long before the virus began spreading, but of course that had soon changed. You’d heard stories of how his turn came to be, but you took those with a grain of salt. They were hearsay in your eyes. You’d never been one for rumours and gossip. 

As it would have it, you’d only ever known him as undead. You started working at his club just over a year ago. How you got there wasn’t important, you just liked to dance, and dancing was a must at Club Zombie. Cheesy name, but it got the custom. It was almost a sort of tourist attraction. An after dark one. Humans and zombies alike. The dancers were both too. It could be a seedy place sometimes, but you didn’t mind dancing around a pole for men when their money was involved. The day was yours, the night was easy; just dancing, putting on a show. Besides, you were safe. Seokjin never let anything happen to the women that worked for him. 

This was the place you could find him at the most, although strictly professional he never brought danger here. The rumours surrounding him were probably what made the club so popular to begin with. He wasn’t stupid. A zombie mob boss, what fiction was made of. Everyone lapped it up. Some nights he sat right up front, quite literally a throne on a podium, surveying the bar and dance platforms. It helped that he was extremely good looking. Got the humans with a kink all riled up. Such soft, movie star looks when you truly studied him. Jarring in a way. A white streak running along the front of his dark hair, parted at the forehead reminded you of what he was. That and his cold, grey eyes. 

It was working at Club Zombie where he soon began to take an interest in you. It was glances your way at first. When you made your way to the dressing rooms, or more often than not, when your eyes met as you danced and twisted around the pole. You wouldn’t admit it back then, but it did send a thrill up your spine, fresh confidence washing  over you. Even more so when the glances turned to smiles. They could be better described as flirtatious smirks if you didn’t know any better. Because why would anyone like Seokjin want you? He had this whole city at his feet. You were a no one. No, you were imagining the signs. He might’ve not even been looking at you. 

But he was. Or course he was. You just couldn’t believe it. Not until one night when he’d asked you to join him for a drink. Halloween night, to be precise. Not that you cared for the holiday. It was just another day. 

You were the last one to leave the club. Usually the first, you’d misplaced your cell phone. Took you twenty minutes to find it, fallen behind one of the sofas in the dressing room when you’d flung your jacket down in a hurry not a few hours ago. You were in a hurry when you made your way across the bar, heading for the exit, hand in your purse trying to now find your car keys. You didn’t want to keep Yunho, the barman, waiting any longer. But he wasn’t the one left. 

Seokjin was stood behind the bar when you looked up at the call of your name. A peculiar sight. In all the time you’d been here you hadn’t once seen that. The fact he knew your name was even more mindboggling. You opened your mouth to apologise to him, presuming that was why he was asking for your attention, but you got no where. Not when the question he asked stunned you to silence. 

“Care to join me for night cap?” 

You weren’t one for drinking, never had been funnily enough, but you ended up agreeing. You told yourself it was because he was the boss. You couldn’t say no to him, but the racing of your heart as you sat down argued it was something different. 

He drank straight whisky, poured you a glass of rosé you didn’t request. Did he see you as that kind of drinker? Classy. Unless it wasn’t classy at all because you knew nothing about alcohol. You thought he’d stay behind the bar, lord of the house, but to your surprise he came out to meet you. You heart beat even faster when he sat on the stool next to you. You prayed hard that rotters didn’t have an acute sense of hearing. Your knowledge was failing you, but logically, going by that dumb fucking fiction, you’d have to assume they did. He knew you were nervous mess right now. How embarrassing. 

He bared his teeth and made a wincing sound as he took a swig of his drink. It was nice to know the burn still affected him, and you watched him tilt the tumbler this way and that, staring at the swirling amber liquid as he did so. Maybe he was giving you time to relax. Maybe he just wanted to sit in silence. Who knew. His rings clanked against the crystallised glass. He always wore them. Large silver bands, dark coloured jewels encased in the centre. He had beautiful hands now that you saw them up close. Wrists too. His shirt sleeves rolled up to the middle of his veiny forearms. The watch he wore was more expensive than anything you’d earn in five years. Maybe a lifetime. You were clueless. 

Momentarily distracted, it took you those five minutes to realise you’d never so much as had one conversation with him. He was mostly the untouchable boss who was more like a statue to awe over than a person to share friendlies with. There were other men who worked closely for him here, woman too. Those were who you went to if there was a problem. A drunken customer. A shift you couldn’t make. An emergency you had to leave early for. In fact, even when you had gotten this job it wasn’t by his judgement. So this made the exchange even more awkward considering you’d never said so much as two words to him. You sipped on your wine for something to do. The taste wasn’t all that bad actually. 

“You’re not afraid of me, are you?” 

You had been so used to the silence you jumped a little from your seat at the sound of his voice. He sounded curious, and you glanced his way to see him giving you his full attention now. Body angled to you; eyes so intense they made you a little unnerved. Fuck. He’d definitely heard the racing of your heart then. Mistaken it for something else. 

“Afraid? No.” You decided to be honest. Or at least as honest as you could be. He didn’t need to know you were even more unsteady now than you had been not ten minutes ago. All because of…thoughts, that had entered your mind upon noticing his long, deft fingers. Not that you knew they were skilled, but it was just a hunch. You shrugged in what you hoped was a casual manner. Voice straining to be very much the same. “My nail technician is a zombie. My running buddy at the gym. My doctor.” 

To your surprise he chuckled. Deeply amused by something. “I didn’t mean that.” Oh. Had you misunderstood? How embarrassing. “Are you afraid of me because of who I am?” 

You blinked slowly. His status. That was what he was referring to. You slowly shook your head, making sure to hold his gaze as you replied. “No.” You shocked even yourself, because you really did mean it. Maybe you were reckless. Your parents had always said such words. You were drawn to the unknown. The excitement got you giddy, but this—he—was something new. 

Your idea of living life on the edge was dancing in hardly anything, not warming to a man who discussed crime over breakfast like it was nothing. Did God knows what when he wasn’t sitting in this club. 

He nodded in almost confirmation. “Thought not. Just wanted to be sure.” He spoke with a certainty. Like he already knew this information before you did. What vibes were you giving off here? Or was he always this confident and sure when it came to assuming others’ thoughts and feelings…

“Why?” It came out slightly more accusing than you meant it to. 

It took him a moment to answer, taking a swig of his whiskey again. You thought he was going to ignore it all together. In a way he did. “Did you know that any human who fucks a rotter in the first year of their transformation gets infected too?” 

You took a moment to let that sink in. The casualness of his tone cut with the crude language took you by surprise. You swallowed. “I did.” Everyone did. It was the largest cause of illegal turning. Even a condom wouldn’t save you. 

He scoffed in amazement. “It’s amazing how biology works, even for someone dead like me.” 

When someone described themselves as dead it never ceased to blow your mind. It was hard to believe that someone as handsome as Seokjin was rotten to the core on the inside. Black and decaying. You let a wry smile play at the corners of your mouth, replying before you took another mouthful of your drink. “This world isn’t what it used to be.” 

He didn’t bother to agree, instead taking a moment of silence before he hit you with another question. “Did you also know that we don’t have any sexual urges for a while after we’ve been turned?” 

This time it took you everything to hold it together. The shock close to becoming visible on your face. You suddenly thought of every time he had glanced your way in the past few weeks. Each smile he had given you. Just like the one he was giving you now as he waited for your reply. “I heard it varies from r-zombie to zombie.” 

You stopped yourself at the R for Rotter. Yes, he had used the word not moments before, but it was always such a grey area. Mostly used as a derogatory term, by humans—usually the older generation—who couldn’t get their small, little brains around the reality of the world today, it had become increasingly popular over the past couple of years. Now, it was just accepted. Like everything else this day and age. 

“Correct.” He continued to smile. If he noticed your slip-up he didn’t care to mention it. “This may be TMI but mine’s only recently appeared again.” Something squeezed in your gut. “A few months ago. Maybe longer. I don’t know. With work and the stress I think I ignored it for longer than I should have.” 

“Oh.” That was… Yes, it was fact all sexual desire left when first turned. Most for a couple of months, maybe a little longer. You didn’t know the ins and outs, but three years seemed steep. He was a busy man, it made sense, but… Fuck. Who were you kidding? You were just distracting yourself with nonsense now. Anything to not have to acknowledge what was really going on here. But you had to. “Not to be rude Mr. Kim, but why are you telling me this?” 

No one, and you mean no one, called him by his first name. Not anyone you knew anyway. It was easy to see him as none other than Seokjin, your Seokjin, now thinking back, but a few months ago he was just your boss with the intimating aura. The one who wouldn’t dare be interested in you. That all changed that fateful night. 

His lips curled. You couldn’t tell if he was trying to be friendly or if he was greatly amused. Maybe both. “Seokjin. Call me Seokjin.” 

You swallowed. His name felt foreign on your tongue, but you needed to press on. You needed him to confirm the hunch now coiled in your chest. “Seokjin, why are you telling this?” 

A beat of silence followed. He actually glanced away from you as he went to speak. “I’m incredibly attracted to you.” You let out a shaky breath, unsure you could say anything back even if you tried. He chuckled awkwardly. Such a human reaction. You found your heart warming. “Forgive me. I’m rusty at this.” 

He sounded way out of his depth, which was incredibly amusing for someone like him. You wondered how long he had been thinking of confessing this. How long he’d been trying… He’d taken his chance tonight. 

“You’ve noticed me staring a lot?” His eyes were back on you now. You didn’t know if you were imagining it, but the harshness of the grey had begun to soften. The coldness, warming up. 

“Yes,” you murmured. Your throat felt dry. You wouldn’t have described it as staring, but to say you hadn’t noticed would be an outright lie. 

“I just can’t take my eyes off you,” he admitted with a slight sigh. “I love watching you dance because it’s the only form of interaction I have with you.” Without realising, you squeezed your legs together. Your face was flushing, you could feel the heat prickle your skin. 

“My view gets obstructed a lot of the time, or my attention is needed elsewhere but I always try...” He cleared his throat. “I always try to admire you.” 

His words bloomed against your skin, sending a warmth all over you. Call you weak, it didn’t matter. An attractive man was complimenting you. You did not question him. He was short and to the point with his words. No sugar-coating. You admired that. 

You smirked his way, confidence washing over you. In a way, you felt like you had the upper hand here. He was the one who had confessed in uncertainty. “You should get better seats for the show.” 

His eyes widened a little in shock at your brazenness. You’d surprised him, and his mouth stretched into a grin, a bewildered laugh leaving him as his browline furrowed. It was a glorious sound. “I really don’t scare you? Disgust you?” 

“Of course not.” You replied so surely it would be difficult to doubt you. Maybe you were stupid. Maybe this was all part of his masterplan, but there was a small self-destructive part of you that didn’t even care. “Would I be working here otherwise?”

“You got me there,” he silked. Gaze holding yours. 

The most deepest of desires began to come alive inside of you. Swirling around in your gut. Desires you’d held at bay because it was laughable to think you’d ever be in with a chance with someone like him. And perhaps a larger part of you was ashamed by your longings. Kim Seokjin was a bad person by definition. It didn’t matter how charming he was. How potentially misunderstood he was, or how secretly sensitive he was. Romanticised theories that should make you sick at yourself. This was wrong, a small voice whispered furiously in the back of your head, but when had that ever stopped you? 

You hesitated but went for it anyway. It was too late. You’d made your decision. “If we’re confessing things... You’re way too pretty to be as dangerous as you are.” Half a glass of wine and you were already losing yourself. 

He cocked a black, perfectly sculpted eyebrow. “Pretty? That’s a new one.” He chuckled quietly before making a joke. “These genes come from my mom.” Such a normal thing to say. You wanted to believe he was just like anyone else. Or maybe you truly didn’t care… 

“Mr. K–Seokjin,” you corrected yourself quickly. The concept of being on first name terms would take a while to get used to. You took a breath and went for it, fingers reaching for his hand that held his whiskey. What did you have to lose? His lust for you was real. The ball was in your court. 

You circled patterns against the skin between his thumb and index finger. It was stone cold. A sensation you were still not too used to, or maybe it was because this touch meant so much more. Despite the ice, he was marble smooth. You looked at his face. True beauty. He was staring right back at you, holding his breath, waiting for you. Hunger roared inside your body now. You tried your best to keep it under control.

“I know it’s out of hours and I’m not really dressed for it anymore but... I could dance for you right now if you like?” 

You tilted your head to match your question. He copied, giving you a small smile, tone teasing when he spoke. Low and oddly soothing. “Private dances aren’t allowed.” 

“You’re the boss. You make the rules.” You watched him hesitate, mulling your suggestion over in his head. It was actually kind of cute. Had he not expected you to accept his advances so easily? 

He pulled his hand from the tumbler, his fingers gingerly reaching for yours and you clasped onto them. “Mm?” You prodded, watching him all the way. He gave you a tight nod, and that was all you needed to continue. 

Rising up from your seat and leaving your purse at the foot of the stool, he followed you as you guided him by the hand to a set of centre red plush sofas. They curled around a small table, in perfect view of the largest stage. Not two hours ago this place had been filled to the brim, this section worth a hell of a lot of money considering where it was placed, but now his club was empty, safe for you and him. The reminder sent a thrill up you. 

You slowly pushed him down to sit, hand on his chest before you let go and stood over him. A grin on your face. “Best seat in the house. No obstructed view.” 

He didn’t reply, but the look on his face was almost giddy. You spun on your feet, back to him as you slinked away, towards the centre pole, kicking off your shoes. You didn’t get much of a chance to dance with it, this place saved for the ones who had been here longer. So this was an added excitement. 

“This would be highly unprofessional in business hours,” he called after you. His laughter fizzling off when you began to lift your sweater over your head. “What are you doing?” 

You turned back to him, a shy smile on your face. “I can’t entertain you in this.” You threw the mustard knit to the floor. “Will it do?”

He scoffed. Eyes a little wide, pupils starting to blow out. “You could be in anything. I wouldn’t mind.”

You appreciated the sentiment, but you didn’t know if you agreed. You’d removed the showy lingerie you’d been wearing tonight in favour of something more comfortable; a black cotton bralette, and you still had your leggings on as you gripped the pole with both hands. It wasn’t your best outfit, but you hoped it sufficed. 

How odd it was to swing and grind in front of your boss. A man you hadn’t had anything to do with until tonight. Dancing to no music was strange, too. You had to imagine the beats and sounds in your head, praying you didn’t look too wooden, but somehow it began to feel increasingly intimate. Seokjin was a silent spectator, but it didn’t bring you a sense of unease. Excitement coursed through your veins, but you didn’t dare look at him while you moved. This was a reality you still couldn’t get your head around. 

You didn’t know how long you were at it for, lost to the soundless rhythm, but soon enough you needed to catch your breath. He was still sat where you placed him but his eyes were fully black now, trained on your figure. As if in a trance It took a moment for him to notice you had stopped. His legs were spread open, giving you a very great eyeful of his crotch. A couple of buttons on his dress shirt lied open that weren’t before. It gave him an almost bedraggled look. You say almost, because his hair was still perfectly parted at his forehead. You suddenly had the mental image of your fingers running through it, tugging at the ends as he fucked you into the very sofa he sat on. You blinked away the dirty thought, taking a few deep breaths. 

He also blinked, albeit slowly, outstretching one hand to beckon you. “Come here.” He croaked; voice thick with something that made you burn up. 

You smirked. “That’s against the rules.” Private dances were strictly forbidden. 

“Am I not the boss?” That was so. You laughed, and obeyed instantly, descending the metal steps to make your way to him. “You move exquisitely,” he complimented as you did so. His voice a little more human now. His eyes however, were anything but. Close now, inches apart, you saw the light grey that ringed the dilated pupils. It made him look unreal. Showed him for he really was. Undead. However, fear was the last thing on your mind. 

“Can I touch you?” 

“I thought you made the rules?” This back and fore only thickened the desire in the room, but you truly did appreciate his manners. That, and you really wanted him to touch you. You wanted to touch him too. 

Straddling him slowly, your knees pressing into the soft velvet of the sofa, his cold hands met your waist and you jumped in shock, giggling in reaction. He did nothing but hold on as you attempted to dance atop of him. You say attempted, because you were basically grinding on him by now. You wrapped your arms around his neck, loving the way his breathing was laboured. Chest rising and falling visibly. 

You felt his erection quickly begin to from under you, and it wasn’t long before he acknowledged it. In his own way, of course. “Forgive me for being inappropriate.” He apologised in advance. You held your breath in curiosity. “But have you ever fucked a rotter?” 

With a lack of oxygen you replied instantly. “No.” 

He swallowed. His dick twitched in his expensive slacks. “Are you opposed to it?” 

You replied with only truth, confidence and desire. “Not if you’re the one in question.” 

The noise that tore from his throat was nothing you’d ever heard before. A man starved, finally given the chance of relief. He flew at your mouth, movements hasty and rough. You gladly matched them. Everything was cold, something you weren’t used to at all. Not like this anyway. His tongue like ice ran along your own, both wet but drastic in temperature. It was a contrast that sent your nerves into overdrive. Sensitivity at its highest peak. You clung to his shoulders, rolling your palms over the thick flesh and muscle, as you moaned quite shamelessly into his mouth. 

His hands found your face, gripping you tight as he continued to kiss you furiously. You were close to burning up, heart pounding in your chest at your new reality. A groan from him puzzled your mind as he tore away. “Not here. Not yet,” he rasped, lips wet because of you. He tried to keep him distance but failed, falling into your mouth once again to taste you. “I won’t fuck you in a place like this. You deserve better than that.” 

You clung to him now, deflation beginning to drop to your gut. You were riled up, ready for him, he couldn’t take it away now. Not when he was solid between your spread legs. You gasped when he took your bottom lip between his teeth, tugging it carefully. Everyone knew the dangers of a zombies’ teeth. One false move and it was game over. The risk just seemed to turn you on all the more. You were sick. Sick for him. 

“But I want you so bad. I want to make you feel all the pleasure in the world,” he divulged. He sounded so passionate, so desperate, fresh waves of longing and need flooded your body. Heat pooled against his cock. “Will you let me do that right now? Just a little bit?” 

“Yes,” you practically exclaimed. Overcome and out of breath. You didn’t know what that request pertained but you would take anything for even the slightest bit of relief. 

You had a better understanding once you found yourself under his large, solid body. Spread out on the velvet like your tainted mind had imagined not fifteen minutes previous. He kissed down your neck, lapping at the skin like you could fill him up. A sensation that had your eyes closing, feeling powerless but loving it. Even more so when you felt him between your breasts. It was a wonderful fusion; to be boiling hot but feel his cool, marble touch all over your body. His hands roamed you, familiarising himself with the woman’s body. Every bump, curve and dip, your soft moans encouraging him, until he couldn’t take anymore. 

You pulsed when you felt his long fingers curl behind the waistband of your leggings. “Can I take these off?” He looked you straight in the eyes as he spoke, as if he was reading your face for any hesitation. There was none. You nodded firmly, a trembled ‘yes’ leaving your throat. 

He pulled you forward in one swift motion, propping you up against the plush backrests. He was out of breath, jaw slack and eyes still practically black as he crouched, beginning to tug down the black fabric, your legs thrown over one of his shoulders. You didn’t realise he’d strip you of your underwear too. You were very naked, very quickly. Your bra the only thing left. 

“Beautiful.” He uttered, eyes between your legs before he looked up at you. “You’re beautiful.” 

You smiled at him, something he couldn’t seem to be able to bear, because he was on your mouth again in a flash. He kissed you greedily, low moans escaping him in regular sequence. Spoiled, he made his way down your chest, finding the swell of your breasts to flirt between. It wasn’t long before the fabric was pulled down, one nipple in his mouth while he rubbed the other with the pad of his thumb. That had you moaning, your legs wrapping around his hips to keep him latched to you. Cramped on the sofa, cramped under his body, but loving it. Pleasure swirled and grew heavy in your stomach. Arousal beginning to pool between your legs. It wasn’t long before you were grinding yourself against his body uncontrollably, desperate for some relief down south. 

He pulled away when you began whining, teeth lightly grazing the flushed peak as he went. You gasped. Maybe it really was the danger that turned you wanton. Seokjin grinned your way as he sunk to his knees on the floor. He knew it too. He was already learning. You watched with bated breath as he spread your legs, giving him a very intimate view. You’d be self-conscious by now, maybe even uncomfortable, but not tonight. Not with him. 

You pulsed against his thumb as he touched you, and all you could do was watch as he carefully began to rub at your clitoris, feeling it engorge beneath his cold touch. You moaned softly, hips circling ever so slightly, enjoying the almost cruel pleasure. Your arousal spread, wet noises squelching under his skin, lewd in your ears. 

He looked up at you, eyes black, ringed silver grey. They made you shiver. So did his words. “Can I taste you?” His hair had become out of place, finally, falling in his eyes, and you reached for it, running the white and black strands through your fingers before nodding. 

He dived straight in, those plump, almost blue-red lips encompassing your clit. You gasped as he sucked, pushing into him and clutching his hair in your fist. His cool tongue laved you almost hesitantly at first, searching for what you liked and what made you moan, until he grew confidence. You forgot he was familiarising himself again after so long. Hazy with lust, his movements weren’t calculated. They were made with haste and a fervent urge; hands wrapping around the underside of your thighs to hold them and pull you closer. Letting him feast until his heart content. 

He only pulled away to catch his breath, minutes later, face from the nose down shining with a colourless substance. The same substance coated the heat between your legs and apex of your thighs. Probably stained the sofas too. You were sticky and burning up. Not even the the touch of his cool finger could control it as he ran the digit down your folds. He stopped at your entrance, tip pushing in slowly. You throbbed around nothing, desperate to be filled. He noticed of course, and he made to remove his rings. 

You stopped him. “Keep them on.” You’d already felt the cool metal of his rings against the inside of your thigh when he’d been enamoured with your centre and everything it had to offer. You wanted more. A hell of a lot more. 

He raised his brows in surprise, pausing before shrugging. “Anything for you.” You tried to suppress your moan as he pushed his index finger inside you, palm up, cold metal pressed against your swollen folds. He shifted closer, curling the digit against your velvet-like walls. He seemed to like the feeling, humming to himself, before he studied your face closely.  “When was the last time someone had you like this?” 

You cocked an eyebrow, smirking. “What? Like this specifically? In this bar, spread out naked on the VIP suite? Never.” 

He gave a low chuckle. It shot through your body. “You think you’re funny.” You tried snarking him back but he slipped a second finger inside you, straightening them as he went.  “No but,” he began, slowing thrusting them in and out. Your jaw grew slack as you watched him, the quietest of strained moans leaving you. “I just want to know how many people I have to contend with.” 

That made you laugh. But fine, if he was so curious. “It’s been a while. Nearly a year.” You’d been single since then, your last relationship ending badly, and hook up culture wasn’t what it was since the virus. You smirked his way. “So, no one at all.” 

“That’s great for me then.” He laughed heartily, almost as if he wasn’t three knuckles deeps inside you, and wasting no time getting intimate between your legs again. 

You came hard. Shaking all over when he finally relented his tongue. Covered in a sheen of sweat and out of breath. He continued the movement of his fingers at his leisure, looking up between your body. The tips of his hair were wet and clung together. It wasn’t him—the undead incapable of sweating—but your arousal, which he seemed to be unable to get enough of. In all honesty, it seemed it he was unable to get enough of you full stop. Still determined to please you. 

He shot his fingers deep, ripping a moan from your chest as your back curled. “You’re still sucking me in. What a greedy cunt you have.” Your burned at his crude words, squeezing around his fingers. “Do you consider yourself greedy?” He spoke low and calm, but you could hear the slight quiver to his voice. It made you feel powerful. You hated that word. Greed. But for him… It was different. 

“If it’s for a pleasure like that, then yes,” you laughed breathlessly. 

He tutted, curling his fingers along the ridges of your insides. Coaxing you. Enjoying the way your lower body contorted. “You flatter me. I would say I’ve reverted to novice status again after all these years.” 

You didn’t think so. Unless that was the reality of someone like Kim Seokjin between your legs. He got you coming so good, better than you had in a long time, so maybe it was both options shared. “Somethings you never forget,” you told him simply. 

He didn’t reply, instead rising up, kneeling on the edge of the sofa instead. You lifted your legs to accommodate him. His fingers got deeper and you tightened around them again. “I’m greedy too, you know?” He almost warned, his free hand gripping the back of your neck to tilt your head. Ice. He was speaking as he held his breath, moaning slightly when you did. “I want you to cum again. Please.” He always remembered his manners, even when impatient. 

You faltered. You didn’t know if you could. Yes, it still felt good to have him inside of you, but you were too exhausted to go again surely. He leant over your body, caging you with his solid one as he murmured into your ear. “I want the visual ingrained in my mind forever.” He snapped his wrist hard against you. The pleasure made your eyes roll back. 

“O-kay–!” You gasped out, nodding your head eagerly, gripping onto his shoulders.  It was a big fuck you to the exhaustion. You wanted to cum again too. 

Your body withstood his vicious pace, walls clamping down on him every time he thrusted into you. You were hot and sweaty again, held down by his large build, which only added to your delight. You imagined he was fucking you. Desperate for the real thing. 

“You trust me a lot,” he mused, your hands in his hair now. It was surprising to you that he let you touch it like this. You looked at him curiously, wondering what he could mean, and felt his movements slow. You realised just how hard you’d been holding your breath, gasping for it at the tiniest of reprieve. “One accidental scratch and that’s it, game over. You’re one of me.” He spoke in an almost disarming whisper. It did not frighten you. 

You moaned at the dragging of his fingers, before smiling lazily. “You’re not so foolish.” You’d already taken note that his fingernails were perfectly trimmed when you’d admired his hands at the bar. 

“Maybe not. But in other ways…” he drawled off, lips millimetres from yours. You wanted him to kiss you so bad. “I enjoyed being a fool between your legs. On my knees…” You moaned softly, enjoying his words, eyes still glued to his mouth. It moved away; your chest grew heavy in disappointment. 

“Would you get on your knees for me?” 

His question had you squeezing again. The smirk told you he felt it. “Right now?” You asked, maybe a little too eager. 

“No.” He laughed. “Not right now. Tonight is about you. But next time...” 

You took a shaky breath and nodded. “Gladly.” 

“Good girl,” he smiled at you. The praise went to your head, somewhere else too, and he let go of your neck, readjusting himself to begin picking up the pace again. You watched down your body, lifting your folded legs nearer your chest so you could have a better look at his hand as it pleasured you. His veiny forearm tensing with the force of his thrusts. You were so wet you glistened in the overhead lighting—so did the dark jewel on one of his rings—and you squelched noisily around his fingers, sucking him in over and over again. Greedy, you were. 

“Fuck.” Seokjin cursed under his breath, distracting you, and you found his eyes were locked between your legs too. Mesmerised. “Delectable, as ripe as a peach…” It didn’t take you much longer to cum again. You felt sorry to whoever would sit in the VIP lounge tomorrow night. 

Afterwards, once you’d both calmed down—you, dressed but still quite shaky, and he, now composed but hair still in disarray—he asked if you’d accompany him for dinner at his house next time he was free. You agreed quite instantly. You knew what it meant, and you needed it. Needed him. You also agreed when he insisted he’d arrange for a car to take you home that night. You had your own, but you’d had something to drink, regardless how small, and that just didn’t sit right with him. He’d get someone to drop off your vehicle the next morning. 

Before you left, he bid you goodnight with a kiss to the cheek and thanked you for a lovely night, emphasising just how much he was looking forward to dinner with you soon. Just the thought had you up for hours when you found yourself in bed, alone, but still warm and sated from your two orgasms. 

Seokjin’s house was stunning. A far cry from from your dingy apartment on the tenth floor of an ancient tower block. You were used to it now, but back then you had felt very out of place in such a beautiful home. He arranged for a car to pick you up, very much like the one that had dropped you off home four nights ago. A sleek black thing, with darkened windows. You didn’t know the name, a car was a car, but again, way out of your league. Four days was a short time in someone else’s perspective, but to you it had dragged by. Especially having to see him every night since while you danced in the club. Glances and knowing smirks just made it harder. You understood though, he was a busy man. He called you in the morning, apologising for the short notice, but he’d found a break in his schedule. If you agreed not to be at the club tonight, he could arrange dinner at his place. 

You hadn’t hesitated. Had been preparing all day. The longest soak in the bath you could manage without turning into udon. You even brought the wax strips out. Found the most elegant dress you owned in the back of your closet. A blood red, floor length piece. 

His phone call had felt very formal, but that was him all over, you had only just started finding out. You weren’t 100% sure, but the 0.1% didn’t matter… You were going to have sex together tonight. The thought made you giddy. It was only the shock of his house that distracted you as you stepped inside. Large and elegantly decorated, it did not look at all like you’d imagined. Not that you’d tried to. It was impossible to wonder what an undead mobster’s home would look like, but as a bachelor, it definitely wasn’t this. It almost seemed lonely to have just one person living here. You kept those thoughts to yourself though and let him lead you into the lounge, where, and you assumed this, a butler of some kind handed you a glass of champagne. This was not your world. 

He even had members of staff to cook for him. Food you knew for a fact belonged in michelin starred restaurants. His dining room was grand, the beautifully carved mahogany table able to fit six people. Perhaps this place was once his family home. It made sense. He sat at the head, while you were placed directly opposite him. The distance was a little unnerving, but he was able to converse in small talk exceptionally well. It was lighthearted and casual, and soon eased you up. 

You found it intriguing when he doused everything he ate in hot sauce, unable to stop yourself from giggling and he looked up, confusion etched in his features before he realised what had amused you so. You had no idea the need was that bad. 

“Nothing tastes good without a little kick,” he explained, putting the bottle down. “Even the brains.” 

You laughed. “You must go through hot sauce by the gallon.” 

He smiled before reaching for his glass of red wine. “Me being a rotter really doesn’t phase you, does it?” He still seemed to be unable to get over the surprise. 

You gave him a small shrug, picking up your cutlery. “It’s the world we live in now.” You sounded like a broken record. That was your explanation for everything. 

You waited for him to continue the conversation. There was a pause and then– “Thanks to your father.” 

You froze, an instant sense of dread filling you at the casual remark. You swallowed, looking across at Seokjin. “H-how did you know?” 

He raised a perfect eyebrow as he brought the glass to his mouth. You watched half the red liquid disappear. The clank as he put it down on the wood made you flinch, and your heart thudded as you waited for his reply. He gave you smile. It didn’t seem fully loaded. “Is that you undermining my power?” 

Whatever his intentions were you panicked regardless. “No, I just–” 

“Don’t worry, this isn’t some kind of trick. Some kind of revenge...” He interrupted with a quick chuckle. Relief flooded you. Not that you had thought such things explicitly, but Seokjin was the man he was… Your lust hadn’t made you forget that much. He had found out what you’d spent the last three years or so trying to hide after all… 

“I have brought you here to fuck.” Despite your alarm, something squeezed in your gut and pulsed between your legs at his frankness. “I’m just curious... You hide it well. Why?” 

Unsure what to do, you took a mouthful of food. The chewing letting you think for a moment. Did you really want to divulge your family affairs with him? He was a man of few words and considering what he was—dangerous and undead—you couldn’t be sure to trust his intentions. Maybe you’d made a mistake coming here. Letting his words and actions cajole you. 

“Good?” He asked, watching you eat. 

You looked at him and nodded. Wiping your face with the napkin placed on your lap you decided to give him some of the details. Not all. “It’s not something I want to be associated with.” 

Seokjin frowned. “You don’t agree?” 

You shook your head. That had come out wrong. “I don’t agree with my parents’ greed.” 

When the zombie virus had hit four years ago your father, a highly gifted scientist, had been one of the first to try and recreate it. To produce something better. For what, you didn’t quite understand. He had no desire to turn himself or his family. No, you guessed it was for the fame, the money…the glory… In the end, it took a number of people to create such a thing, but yes, he’d been one of them… Your mother had been so proud. Sick. That was still what you thought now. Turning the world into undead creatures who needed human brains to survive seemed utterly bizarre. Disturbing… But like you said, the glory seemed to be their fuel… 

You hadn’t spoke to either of them in two years and prior to that, conversations were few and far between. To cut them out of your life hadn’t been a sudden decision though. Your whole life you’d always felt like you didn’t belong. Born to the wrong family. Maybe that was a problem with you. An issue you didn’t want to give much thought about, but one thing was for certain, you didn’t think anything like them. You’d spend most of your life rebelling. Maybe you were still doing so… The club you worked at would see them foaming at the mouth. You, surrounded by the people your father helped create. And Seokjin… Seokjin was a man your parents would be horrified to see you with. That thought brought you great pleasure. 

“You don’t get along?” You shook you head in reply. Surprisingly it was enough for him. “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.” Or maybe he already knew that… He probably knew everything about you. He’d been humouring you all this time. For some reason that didn’t scare you like it should’ve. It was quite reassuring to know that despite everything, you were the one he wanted. Maybe your self esteem was shot to pieces. Maybe you were just an idiot. 

You smiled. “Thanks.” 

He jerked his head towards the direction of your plate. “Let’s not get distracted for too long. Dinner is getting cold.” 

You ate with more small talk. He asked if you’d ever been out the country and when you’d replied yes, he insisted that you tell him all about Japan, like he’d never been there before. Maybe he hadn’t… You didn’t ask. In all honestly, you were positive he was trying his best to relax you again after his slight interrogation. It was endearing. 

Once dinner was done and his staff had taken the used dishes away, you suddenly remembered what was to come next. You began to feel a little out of your depth. The night at the club had happened out of the blue, but this was pre-planned. Nerves itched at your skin, just wondering how this would go down now, but that didn’t mean you weren’t excited. Giddy. 

“You really do look so beautiful tonight.” He praised quietly, admiring you from across the table. He had already told you that when he’d greeted you at his door, but you would never get enough. “I feel a little underdressed.” 

You scoffed. “You look perfect. As always.” He was always found in a suit, so his attire for tonight was nothing new. Apart from the velvet suit jacket he wore. It was fancy, something you could never imagine him gracing the club with, and the cream embroidered shirt underneath suited him beautifully. His hair tonight was swept above his forehead, accentuating his breath-taking bone structure. 

He closed his eyes as he smiled in silent thanks. When they opened you noticed they were getting darker, grey almost unnoticeable from where you sat. You suddenly thought about him between your legs. You squeezed them together under the table, trying to quell your dirty thoughts. You think he noticed, or maybe he was remembering back too.

“I’m surprised you can’t feel it,” he mused on cue. 

“Feel what?” You sounded slightly shaky. Out of breath. 

“My need for you is practically raging from my body,” he explained simply. 

Something heavy dropped into your gut. Confidence began to wash over you again. It was nice to feel this powerful. “You hide it well.” 

“Do I?” He laughed. “I must have more self control than I give myself credit for. I’ve been agitated ever since that night… Unable to stop imagining getting my hands on you again.” 

You let out a tremble of a breath. More images flew around the forefront of your mind. The coldness of his hands caressing your body. The ice of his tongue inside your mouth, against your skin, laving against your… You closed your eyes, unable to cope. He murmured your name softly. As if he was desperate for you to look his way again. You obeyed. “I’m so incredibly attracted to you.” 

You could hear your heart thudding against your ribcage. It almost felt strange, like it didn’t belong to you. When you chuckled, it didn’t sound like you either. Your lust for him was taking over. Time was nearing. “You already said, Seokjin.” You liked the sound of his name as it curled off your tongue. 

He chuckled back. “Am I boring you? I thought flattery would be first protocol.” 

You continued to laugh at his choice of words, shaking your head. “There’s no need. I’m here, aren’t I?” 

He held your stare. It was almost like he was staring inside of you. “That you are.” He sounded like he still couldn’t believe his luck. He rolled his shoulders. “Well. I can still say what I like. It’s all true. I’m not trying to manipulate you here.” You chose to believe him. “Although... You don’t look like someone who falls victim to such things.” You shrugged, playing it casual. Maybe he was correct. You’d long stopped giving men the power to get inside your mind. You hoped it would hold with Seokjin. 

“I’ll cut to the chase then.” He continued, realising you weren’t going to divulge anything that could confirm his assumptions. “One night won’t be enough. I want to enter a sexual relationship with you.” 

Your eyes widened. Surprise visible on your face no doubt. Call you naïve, maybe clueless, but that possibility hadn’t crossed your mind. A one off was all you’d imagined. Seokjin had thirsted after you for months now, it seemed. Until he couldn’t ignore it any longer. In your head, one night would have been enough for him. What was so special about you? It seemed ludicrous he’d want something permanent. Taken aback, all you could do was listen to him. 

“These,” he paused, “urges I have, they’ve been suppressed for far too long. I have curiosities. Maybe they’ve always been there, morphing with the passing months...years.” He shrugged, and you wondered why he had stifled himself for so long. You also wondered why you. Why were you so special?  “It wasn’t until I noticed you that these thoughts...fantasies, became unbearable.” 

You took his words like they were information at a business meeting. In fact, he was talking to you like such. It was strange. He was talking about imagining fucking you most probably, and here you were just nodding your head. You squeezed your legs under the table again. You were hot. Your excitement was building again and you were trying your best to control yourself. This wasn’t normal. You shouldn’t be here, but your desire for him seemed to have crept up and snaked its way around your throat. 

“I don’t want to overwhelm you but I need things to be in black and white.” 

“I understand.” 

“You do?” He raised both eyebrows in surprise. You felt powerful with the knowledge you kept proving him wrong. “Your pleasure is my utmost importance. All of my fantasies include you enjoying yourself. Rest assured. However,” he looked down at the table. Was he flustered? Feeling awkward? How unusual. “There are some things I want to indulge in that aren’t to everyone’s taste. I do not wish to trap or force you into anything. If you don’t agree, then that’s that. No hard feelings. This isn’t a sweet or romantic joining. I don’t know if I’m truly capable of that…”

You puzzled in your head. What an odd thing to say. You hadn’t so much as thought about this being anything about romance. You knew where you stood. You hoped he wasn’t assuming that’s what you thought. You’d given up on love and romance a long fucking time ago. “I don’t expect it to be,” you added, wanting it to be clear. 

He paused, smiled slightly and then chucked. “Then you understand I have this animalistic need to take you any which way I’m allowed.” He made sure your eyes were locked when he spoke. So he could see your reaction. It was hard tying to keep your expression neutral as you imagined just as he’d said. The corner of your mouth definitely twitched. Of course he saw. You could tell by the way he tried to suppress his smirk. 

“I can be patient if you need more time.” He continued. “I am very much insistent that it’s you—there is no one else—however, if you disagree or discover I bring you no joy, I expect one day I’ll find another.” You admired his honesty. “Also. Selfish of me I know, but if you agree then there must be no other sexual partners during our attachment. Please.”  “Seokjin...” You began, guessing he’d finished his proposition of sorts. 

“I know.” He interrupted before you could say anything. “This is a lot to take in. You’re overwhelmed.” 

“No,” you insisted. “I agree. I’m willing to give this a chance.” 

He let your words marinate before swallowing. “What I’ve said doesn’t scare you?” 

You scoffed. “No.” You’d already knew sex with him wouldn’t be conventional. You’d found that out from his very brazen attitude and mouth the night you were spread against the club’s VIP sofa. Your only mistake had been thinking it would be just once. You felt giddy knowing there would now be endless encounters. You craved him just like he craved you. It was a new sensation, something that had only been been simmering since you caught his eyes on you as you danced, but it was powerful and steadfast, and needed to be sated. Tonight. 

He nodded to himself, seemingly deciding then and there to start taking action. “We’ll take it slow. Learn from one another.” 

“That sounds good,” you agreed, unconsciously sitting up straighter, leaning in almost eagerly. 

“Tonight,” he hushed. “Tonight I just want to feel you. Pleasure you. To become accustomed with your body and what you like.” 

You let out a shaky breath. You could almost feel the impending pleasure running through your veins. You’d had a taste of it a few nights ago. “I feel very much the same. Tonight is just the beginning.” 

He exhaled through his nose, jaw tensed before he looked you straight in the eyes. Raising his hand he beckoned you. “Come.” You were beginning to see a pattern, and just like that you obeyed. His tastes were of the dominate kind. You would gladly listen. 

Rounding the corner you made your way over and stopped right in front of him. He scraped his chair back, making room between him and the table, and motioned you to slot in between. 

“When you said you’d get on your knees for me…” He reminded you. A suggestion of sorts. Maybe it was put that way to soften the order. 

Your eyes widened, looking at the door that lead into the kitchen. “Here?” 

“Don’t worry.” He smiled, taking your hands. “No one will will come in. They shall be leaving soon anyway. They won’t interrupt us.” 

You listened, finding yourself in his lap, dress crumpled around your middle, creasing to no end, but you couldn’t find it in you to care. Not when you could feel his erection pressing into you. You took initiative. Rising up to let your palm caress him. You’d been dying to get your hands on him ever since the night at the club. To feel him full and thick and long between your fist, in your mouth, in your– You reached to kiss him. He slipped his tongue inside your mouth like he’d been waiting for it, grunting when you gave his dick one quick squeeze. 

“Seokjin,” you breathed, lips sticky as you pulled away. “Forgive my manners. I never confessed my attraction towards you too the other night.” It was easy to let him do all the talking, but you wanted to let him know you were 100% into this because you wanted him too. It didn’t go one way. You weren’t just agreeing to this for the hell of it. 

He reached for your face, rubbing the apples of your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. “No need to flatter me,” he smiled, dropping one thumb to the edge of your mouth. He tugged your bottom lip down slightly and met the tip of your tongue. “I guess my tongue did the persuading, mm?” 

You swiped across the cool flesh and pulled away with a grin. “Trust me, if there was no attraction that wouldn’t have happened.” 

He laughed, genuinely amused, before grabbing you by the hips, pulling you into his chest. “Enough chit chat. I thought you were supposed to be sucking my dick?” 

Just like the rest of him, his cock was cool. Something you had never experienced before. It was swollen, filled with blood, but ice cold. Impossible, yet here you were. Knelt between his spread legs, laving him against your tongue. You had the intense urge to please him as best you could. Show him what he’d been missing all this time and just worship the beautiful, pretty gift between his thighs. He seemed to be unable to get used to the hot, wet velvet of your mouth, eyes glued to you, watching every move you made with soundless gasps. His hands gripped the arms of the chair at first, knuckles purple, until he decided he couldn’t hold back any longer. Taking your hair in his fists, his rings cold against your scalp, he held on tight, finally letting himself moan when you slackened your jaw and slid him down your throat as far as you could take him. 

He liked it when you choked on his dick. He froze every time, digging his fingers into your scalp. He liked when you slicked him with your fist, thumb circling the sensitive slit that pooled drops of precum all over the place. He really had fought off all sexual urges for so long it seemed. You wondered if he’d even attempted to pleasure himself? It wasn’t something you were brave enough to ask, but you were brave enough for other things…

You wanted him to experience all the pleasure he’d been missing over the years, tongue pointing and going south, licking thin but long lines up and across his scrotum. He gasped, the noise choking in his throat as he jerked, chair legs screeching against the tiled floor. You shuffled closer on your knees, holding his cock tall in your hand so you could slowly suck one of his balls into your mouth, softly caressing the cool encasing with your tongue. You made sure to look him in the eyes as you did so, feeding of the reactions he gave you. His mouth fallen open in a soundless groan. 

You smirked as you pulled away, pleased with yourself, and began kissing up his length, swirling your tongue across the cool marble, pressing your plush lips in the flesh; getting him obscenely wet. His fingers found their way around the back of your neck, holding you firmly as you popped him back into your mouth, sucking intently on the head of his cock, your fist working the base of him, slick noises filling the air, mixed with his low, staccato moans. 

When you began getting lower, hallowing your cheeks to accommodate him, your tongue tracing patterns along the underside of his thickness, his hands flew to the back of your head, fingers threading through your hair to stop you. You pulled back instantly, waiting for some kind of response from him. He was close. Dangerously close. You understood that. 

“I want –” He cut himself short, voice gruff, and cleared his throat, hips jumping when you kissed the tip of his cock. He tried again, taking one hand to caress your face. “I want to cum on your face.” Your legs squeezed together. Excitement overcoming you. “Please.” He added that as an afterthought, forgetting his manners with the urge to cum. 

You smiled, slowly taking his hand from your cheek to guide it to the base of his cock, exchanging yours with his. He gripped himself tightly, and you squeezed your palm over his fist. Giving him permission with a sordid whisper. “Be my guest.” 

You waited for it on your knees, between his spread legs and watched as he raked his beautiful hand over his equally as beautiful cock. Slowly at first, exploring the pleasure and then he sped up, jerking the top in tight, quick motions, chair legs screeching across the floor again as raised up, tightening his hold on your head to keep you in place. His breathing laboured before a strangled roar left him. 

You prepared yourself, closing your eyes as you felt the first spurt hit your nose and drip down your top lip. The second flew across your left cheek. Unlike the rest of him, this substance was searing hot, shocking you so much you gasped. The third spurt, stronger, landed in your mouth. You swallowed and savoured the taste. It wasn’t over. It just kept coming, coating your face and congealing in the air, as Seokjin furiously tried to get every last drop out. Savouring the pleasure, moaning in sweet relief until he grew weak from exertion, collapsing into his seat.

You peeled your eyes open, cum glooping from your right eyebrow and onto your eyelid and watched him with awe. All that filled the dining room was his rough breaths as he tried to get a hold of himself. He ran his clean hand through his hair, strands of white falling down, and finally took a look at you. He was silent for a long time, eyes still black, the crescents of silver sending a shiver up your spine. He leaned over, pulling some of your hair behind your ear, saving it from the mess that coated your face. He looked at you with wonder and amazement in his eyes, like he was trying to retain the image of you like this forever. 

When he spoke, his voice sounded different. Softer, warmer. Weaker… “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on…” Two of his fingers ran along your bottom lip, spreading some of his cum along the way. “Like this…” He awed. “It takes my breath away.” 

He reached behind you, his embroidered napkin coming into view. The set was probably more expensive than your outfit. He began cleaning your face up, and you let him obediently, still kneeling on the hard floor. It was all worth it though. For him. For what was to come. 

When he was done, he threw the soiled cloth to the table. There was still some cum on his fingers, where he’d rubbed your lip, and he opened your mouth, dotting your tongue with the fluid before he stuck two fingers inside, holding the muscle down before he prodded you to suck them. You did so, mimicking how you had pleasured his cock, letting your tongue trail along the expanse of his rings. He groaned, the other hand cupping your face to make you look at him. He opened his mouth, sounded beside himself. “The things I want to do to you...” 

You got no sleep that night. Fucking one another until the sun began to shine through his drapes, and then some more, letting him enjoy getting familiar with the sensation again, but also feeling a pleasure like no other yourself. No man you’d ever been with had been into sex this much, and his stamina, his strength, was like nothing you’d ever experienced before. He fucked you, quite literally, to glorious, pleasure-soaked tears. Three years really hadn’t hindered his skill at all, but he blamed it on his greed, incapable of taking a compliment. Nonsense, but you soon got used to that charming personality trait… 

The weeks had rolled into months, and you continued just like that. Meeting and fucking any chance you got. It was him who called the shots. He was a busy man after all. You worked to his schedule. Fucked to his schedule, and luckily for you, you were in a position to drop work every time he called. Direct permission from the boss. 

True to his word, you took it slow. Going further and further each time until your body was trained to him. His was trained to you too. What he liked, how he liked it and when to do it. You knew how to read his moods and work with it each time you met up for sex. There was a mutual trust between the two of you, and you would give your all if it meant pleasing him, because it brought you pleasure too. 

Sex had always been just something you’d done. The guys got their rocks off and maybe if you were lucky, you’d get one orgasm, probably gifted by your own hands. Even when in love, sex hadn’t been this enjoyable nor exciting. It was all new with Seokjin. You lived for pushing yourself to the limit, finding something new and trying it. Greedy. Maybe that was the correct word, Seokjin had been right. You were greedy for one another. You’d be dammed. The desire and the pleasure you just knew you couldn’t get from anyone else. The chemistry was on a totally different level, and it just kept getting stronger. 

Seokjin did have a softer appetite though. It wasn’t all hard and extreme. That was the beauty of it. He wasn’t a one-sided dom who used you as some kind of sex toy. He was gentle and caring, even when he had you tied to his bed, blindfolded and at his mercy. Sometimes he just wanted you. Raw and passionate. An unspoken vulnerable. You think in a way, even though you would never say it to his face, he sought comfort in you. On days when he was tired or stressed, he wanted you. Only you. There was a comfort there. And you gladly obeyed. How could you not? You were flattered he chose you to share this with. Touched, in a way. 

Your bond only grew, until any awkwardness was a thing of the past. You could tease one another, joke around. It was surprising at first to find out someone like him could become embarrassed and shy when provoked about certain things. Like how he had been so formal in the beginning. He insisted it was because he was so awkward about his extended inexperience fighting head to head with the raging desire he had for you… It had sent him frenzied, until he had to do something about it. You were so glad he had…

Your relationship for the most part was left undetected. It was chosen that way, to keep things strictly professional at work, but also you suspected it was something more. He requested for you not to tell your friends or family, and the only one who knew about your arrangement on his side, was the driver who took you to and from his home. Seokjin’s line of work came with danger, and even though you didn’t voice it, you guessed that danger spread to anyone he was involved with; family, friends, lovers…

You say mostly undetected because of course there had been a slip up somewhere along the line. Working in such close proximity, perhaps you had been foolish. The club was always packed, someone was bound to pick up on it, and unluckily for you, it happened. Give you a major reality check to go with it. 

You had been involved with Seokjin for near to three months when it did, juggling nights at work and nights spent with him. More often than not, both at the same time. That night wasn’t one though. He was away from the club altogether, so you got changed at your usual pace, surrounded by the rest of the human girls as they chatted. That night rotter talk filled the dressing room. There had been one watching one of the girls, Jaeha, dancing. He’d taken a shine to her and asked her out for dinner at closing time. She’d agreed, but now she was getting doubts, some of the other girls laying uncertainties in her head. Of course the conversation had turned to sex. It always did where men were concerned. But this was different. They were talking about having sex with a zombie. It was times like these you were thankful there was separate dressing rooms for the human and undead girls. Although some would probably still carry on the conversation regardless. 

“What about you?” 

You looked up, realising that Jaeha was directing the question your way. “Hm?” You played dumb, even though you had been listening to every word of the conversation. You just didn’t want to answer. 

“What would you imagine it feels like being with a rotter?” 

You gave a small shrug, realising you had no choice now and turned away as you replied. “I don’t know.” 

“Wait. What was that?” She exclaimed excitedly and you inwardly sighed. You guess something about your body language hadn’t been believable. “You have?!” You gave another shrug but she wasn’t having any of it. “Look me in the eyes and say you haven’t!” 

You faced her again, defeated, realising you had about half a dozen other pairs of eyes looking at you too. “Fine. I have.” 

A couple others squealed. Maybe it was an age thing. You were a few years older than a handful of the girls. At twenty-two you had probably been easily excitable and naïve too. Scrap that. You definitely had been. 

“Who?!”

Shit. She really wasn’t going to drop this, was she? You were hoping admitting to it would have been enough. You did up your jeans as you dismissed her. “It doesn’t matter who. It’s just sex. No different.” 

“No different? But they’re cold,” she whined, shuddering at the thought. “Doesn’t that feel weird?” 

You opened your mouth but found yourself stuck. This conversation was making you feel uncomfortable. Thankfully, a voice came to your rescue. 

“You just get used to it.” You looked to your left to see Yeeun coming into view behind 

the group of girls. She’d been here nearly the longest, your age, maybe a year older. She kept herself to herself most of the time, but you guessed she wanted to put this conversation to rest. That, and maybe put you out of your misery. 

Jaeha turned and opened her mouth to ask more questions, but Yeeun spoke over her. “Jaeha, just make sure to be careful if you decide to go for dinner with that guy, yeah? Undead doesn’t mean he’s inherently bad but coming to a place like this should make you think. Keep your wits about you.” 

Just like she’d wanted (and you) the conversation died. Everyone left soon after that, you close behind, but Yeeun was still getting changed, distracted by her phone. You stopped by the door as an afterthought, wanting to say something to her. “Thanks,” you called, waiting for her acknowledgment. 

She slowly turned and smiled. “No problem.” You watched as she shoved her cell into her jacket pocket. “Um, you got a minute?”

You nodded, unable to guess what she wanted. She sighed, almost like she was psyching herself up. “First, this isn’t me trying to get up all in your business, alright?” You nodded again, slower this time. A sicky feeling in your stomach. “Everyone else may be clueless when it comes to who you’re fucking, but I’m not.” 

You tensed. Maybe you’d misinterpreted her motives. She was trying to put you out of your misery yes, but it ran deeper than that. She was trying to save your skin. She knew. How? You were always careful to never talk in public with Seokjin. Yet… maybe your reluctance to leave early like you used to do roused suspicion from her. Maybe she’d seen you both leave together… Foolish. You panicked, played stupid. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

She stared at you, calling your bluff. “Be careful, okay? You’re an adult, you can do whatever the hell you like, but just don’t forget who he is.” You kept quiet. There was no point denying it. “And I’m not on about him being undead. He’s...” She hesitated before deciding to go for it. “Just don’t forget he’s responsible for a lot of this city’s darkness.” 

Unexplainable anger filled you. You didn’t like being judged, but more than that, the idea of someone judging Seokjin made your blood boil. She didn’t know him like you did. How kind he was when you were alone, how gentle… He wasn’t what people described him as behind closed doors. But what was the point? You knew you couldn’t tell her that. She’d just laugh at you, tell you how deluded you were. Maybe that’s what you were scared of... That you really were deluded. In over your head… 

You watched her shrug on her jacket, her mind at ease now that she’d warned you. “You don’t have a problem working in his club though?” 

She froze before pulling out a cigarette from her pocket and chuckling. “It’s money, babe.” She placed the rolled tube in between her lips and spoke through it. “We all need it, and at the end of the day, I’m not the one fucking him.” She finished with a casual shrug. As if she had no worries. You had plenty. 

You swallowed, careful to keep your voice steady. “Well thanks for your concern. I’ll bear it in mind.” And the you left, wiping away a stray tear from your left eye. 

You didn’t tell Seokjin about what happened that night, certain that Yeeun didn’t care enough to tell anyone. She wasn’t like that, hated gossip like you. You were also worried that if he found out, he’d do something. You didn’t want her to get fired. She said she’d needed the money after all. Maybe your worry went even further than that… You didn’t know. If Seokjin was as bad as everyone seemed to think, you really didn’t know… 

So you kept it to yourself. But you couldn’t shake the exchange. Seokjin noticed there was something wrong with you instantly. You saw him two nights afterwards, seeking distraction in the only way you knew with him. Sex. He was tired after his “business trip” and you went along with it, using it as a way to explain your unusual behaviour, so the sex was quick but indulgent. Definitely needed. You clung to him because you’d missed him. You clung to him because you were beside yourself. Torn and unable to truly feel fine. You’d thought being reunited again would reassure you. But it didn’t. 

“Smoking again?” You asked him after you were done, watching him reach for the pack of cigarettes he kept on the nightstand. 

He chuckled, knowing you hated the dirty habit. The addiction. Maybe in a way you were a hypocrite. “My insides are rotten anyway. What can it do to me?” He was correct you supposed. Rotten to the core. He was untouchable. 

However, to your surprise he put them back, wrapping his arm around you like it had been. Your head on his chest, protected from the chill by a fur blanket. His temperature always seemed to get you after sex, your own levelling out. Plus with the winter months now it was harder. He wasn’t the best to cuddle with after sex, an activity that seemed to be happening more often, so you had to separate your bodies with warmth. You let silence spread over you both, lost in your own head with a whirlwind of thoughts. 

“Hey,” he prodded gently after a little while, wanting you to look at him. “You’re lying to me. You’re not tired.” You didn’t bother to deny it. He sounded hesitant when he carried on. “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” 

You stayed silent for a moment. unsure how to begin, but you knew you couldn’t continue like this. You needed some type of reassurance from his mouth. Selfishly, you needed your conscience eased. You explained with a question, at least you hoped you did. “Do you like being who you are?” 

Seokjin tensed under you, his expression becoming guarded and you instantly feared you’d crossed a line. He knew you were referring to his status, not his being. Something pretty much off limits. Discussed vaguely in the beginning, your joining was never about that. Now it seemed like a forbidden subject. You understood Seokjin saw you as an escape. He didn’t want to discuss work, and you didn’t want to hear it. Yet, it was looming over you, like an ominous presence. You needed something. You could live with who he was if he was as unsure of it as you were. You were positive. He just needed to be honest with you. 

You waited patiently, and just as you resigned yourself to stone cold silence, he spoke. 

“It was handed to me. I don’t particularly have a choice. It’s all I’ve ever known.” If you didn’t know any better, you’d think that was bitterness in his tone. “My father is frail now. I don’t know how long he has left. I want to make him proud, regardless of how stupid it sounds. It’s fucked up, I know that. Especially with life as it is now.” 

You’d long given up trying to make your father proud, but you understood. Seokjin’s experiences were vastly different to yours, but you understood. His was a matter of life or death, you were sure of it. Yours was just the gradual estrangement from the people who had raised you. He confirmed the seriousness of his detriment in his next sentence. 

“There’s nothing I can do about it. It’s my life. It’s expected of me. If I refused, said no... Ran away like a coward... God knows what would happen to me.” 

Cruel of you maybe, but it was warming, reassuring to know he’d had such thoughts. Soothing to know in a lot of ways, he didn’t want this life. Selfish of you like you’d known. Trying to ease your own conscience, but here in his arms perhaps you really didn’t care. You didn’t care what Yeeun thought, what others would think if they ever found out. Your parents… None of it mattered because you knew that deep down, in his core, Seokjin was a good man. Rotten or not. He was good to you, and all that mattered. Yes, you were selfish, but you didn’t care. 

“Fuck.” He cursed quietly, voice thick with emotion before he laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. “What a world we live in. When being a motherfucking zombie is considered normal and the least of your problems.” 

You didn’t laugh along but kissed him softly. You think it stunned him, shutting him up instantly when you pulled away, until he exhaled, pulling you into another, longer, even sweeter kiss. He wrapped you in his arms tightly and you’d never felt safer. He got you onto your back, rolling on top of you, the fur separating your bodies, just, and your need for him burnt away inside your chest. 

But he pulled away before you could do anything about it, opening his mouth to say something, expression hesitant. You cupped his cold face, trying your hardest to spread some of your warmth through his body, silently encouraging him to speak. He smiled thankfully. “I didn’t choose that either, by the way. This rotter body.”

Your forehead furrowed, trying to make sense of his words. “That shocks you,” he noted. “I know why. You think I wanted this, just like everyone else.” You opened your mouth to deny it, but what was the point? You hated gossip, like you’d said so many time before, never listened to it, but you had let it sink it’s way into your mind without realising. 

Greed. You thought he was like all the rest. Seeking power. Your attraction to him overshot your distaste for the ghastly act of will, but maybe deep down, you’d hoped it wasn’t true. 

“It’s okay,” he reassured, twisting slightly to kiss the palm of your hand. Then the tips of your fingers as you sought the touch. “I know what people say about me. They’re wrong though.” 

“What happened?” You were whispering, asking without thinking. You didn’t want to pry but Seokjin had never shared this much before. You didn’t think he’d ever shared this much before. To anyone. 

“A miscellaneous deal gone wrong. I won’t bore you with the details, but I was scratched.” Your eyes widened, heart ached for him. How wrong people were. How wrong you were. “I took it in my stride, still do. I guess in some ways it helped me, in others not so much... But,” he stopped himself, letting his eyes close as he kissed your fingertips again. When he opened them the grey looked sadder than usual. “Who will follow after me? The family name gone. Although maybe that isn’t a bad thing.” He added with an afterthought, chuckling humourlessly. “I would want no kid of mine doing this. I don’t know. What I’m trying to say is, if there was ever a cure, I’d take it in a heartbeat.” Your own heart beat loudly in your chest. “Wishful thinking, right?”

You were stunned to silence now, trying to make sense of everything. You wanted to reassure him. There was adoption, he needn’t have to dwell, but then it seemed like such a human, vulnerable thing to get hurt over. It made your throat tighten, eyes well up. You had never imagined his anguish over being undead. He always seemed so casual, so put together. His human life was stolen from him cruelly and he was just left to deal with it, alone. You didn’t care if that was his by choice or not. It made sense now, that in ways he had hidden from himself, and why. He was ashamed. He wasn’t greedy, he was lost. 

“I don’t think so,” you murmured, caressing his face. “If they can mutate the disease and inject people with it, they can find an antidote.” 

He smiled sadly. “Do you think they want that? This world is a corrupt place. Everyone has their own selfish reason’s for letting this disease take over.” He was correct. A cure would never be made by any official. But there could be other options. One day. Hope wasn’t lost. 

“You can still live a normal life,” you insisted. 

“I can never age. Who would want that? Amongst other things. I have everything against me.” 

Something strong tore through your chest. It almost took your breath away, but you couldn’t voice it. You were too afraid. “I don’t think so.” You replied instead. It was hard to keep your voice stable. “What’s inside is more important.”

He chuckled sadly. “Angel, I’m rotten on the inside. Maybe on the outside too.” 

His pet name warmed your heart, always did, but his words made it weep. You swallowed, coating your dry mouth and squeezed his face, clinging to him, hoping he’d understand what you were trying to say. “Not to me.” 

He smiled, his eyes warming up and leant down to kiss you. “Thank you.” You held him close, sinking into his mouth. The cold was unnoticeable. He did understand. You could feel it in his kiss, taste it on his tongue. 

He drew back slowly, just before he lost himself entirely. He had more to say before then. “I have never felt more comfortable with anyone than I have with you. More human...” He trailed off and laughed quietly. “Even when I was one.” He kissed you once more. Like he couldn’t keep away. Hands holding the sides of your face, he lingered, your breaths mingling. 

“You care for me without judgement. That’s never happened before. I’ve never had that feeling.” 

You squeezed his wrists in silent understanding, eyes glassy. You couldn’t speak if you tried. Couldn’t let him know you felt exactly the same, in fear of bursting into tears. He understood though. Of course he did. 

And that’s where you were now. This present moment. The aftermath of such a confession only bringing you closer together. There were silent boundaries that had been made that night. Seokjin did not wish to go into detail about his days, nor did you want him to. You were at ease now, knowing you had been right about him, the others wrong. Yes, he wasn’t perfect. No one was. Yes, maybe if you knew the cold, hard facts, you wouldn’t be able to bear it, but you were happy being ignorant to that. It wasn’t greed that drove you, for Seokjin and all the pleasure he could give you. He had been wrong. You made him see that. It was a selfishness, and that was okay. It had to be. They were two different things. You were selfish for the happiness he made you feel, and likewise for him. 

For the first time in your life, you were truly happy. Felt truly understood and not judged, and so did Seokjin. Despite your different life experiences, you were the same in your hearts; yours alive, his rotten, but it didn’t matter—and that’s why you’d been so drawn to him. Twin flames in this dark, overbearing world. You knew the weight of such words, but you didn’t care. Not when you had something good, something pure, and you were clinging to it with all your might. 

As much as you had put him on a pedestal in the beginning, not quite believing he’d chosen you, wanted you. Potentially put your worth on his choice, it didn’t matter. Because he had done and felt the same. He had always been thankful you’d made the decision that you had. He was thankful that you wanted him. Still, even now. In ways, you had given him certain confidence and esteem that he’d been lacking. Similar to how he helped bloom yours too. Made you feel beautiful, sexy. It was not one sided with you two. It was real, and pure, and shared. Your admiration for one another. Your love…

Yes, this had been a simple arrangement. Sex. But it wasn’t so simple anymore. You both understood that. There would come a day when you’d have to acknowledge it, your feelings… It was potentially soon, or you could just keep hiding for a little while longer, but it would happen. Seokjin didn’t think he was capable of love after his turn. You remembered him saying something similar the first night you spent together, about romance. You knew now it was because he hated what he was. Undead. He had already lost so much of himself over the years, and to become infected only tore away more. But he was wrong. He was capable. You felt the love he gave you every day. Even if it was the silent kind. It shone from him, warmed you up when you clung to his ice cold flesh. 

So yes, you were selfish, so was he. But you didn’t care. Not when you had one another to hide behind. 

“How do you want me, Sir?” You silked the words, excitement bubbling away in the pit of your stomach. That was your little thing. What you called him sometimes. When he was in the mood for it. 

He smiled at you, but it didn’t seem to reach his eyes. You tensed, studying him almost intently now. Maybe there had been a reason he was delayed. You opened your mouth to ask if everything was okay, but he beat you to it. 

“No need for that tonight.” He sounded exhausted, beaten. You realised how terribly you’d misread the signs, feeling a little guilty as you sat up, tightening your gown over your chest. He walked over to his bureau, steps heavy on the wooden floor. Long ago had you come to accept his insistence on wearing shoes indoors, but you watched him step out of his boots now. Loosening the red tie around his neck before removing it completely. 

You waited politely for him to continue in some way. Not wanting to push an explanation for his depleted mood. He removed his rings one by one, dropping them into a glass bowl. That’s where he spoke to. “Today’s been hard. I–“ He stopped himself, unable or unwilling to go on. You wondered if you should press him. You realised keeping things bottled up like he did wasn’t good. But you were scared. Scared it could ruin things. You bit on your bottom lip, hard, stifling yourself. 

He turned to you then, a longing in his eyes. You knew that look very well. It was a yearning for you. “I just need some solace.” 

You nodded slowly, outstretching your arms for him to meet you. He rounded the corner of the bed in a few, quick strides and dove into you. His mouth finding yours in a deep, intense kiss. You wrapped your arms tightly around his shoulders, feeling him squeeze his around  your chest, like he needed to make sure you were really there. He spoke no more and that was okay. 

His mouth and tongue found your neck, kissing the skin like it could kiss back, until he ceased and held his face in the crook, hugging you tightly. You ran your fingers through his hair, unsure what else you could do. Your chest felt sad and heavy, his mood affecting you immediately. But you needed to be strong. You kissed at whatever part of his face you could reach, your turn to make him feel good. Make him feel loved. 

Somehow your lips met again, tongues slipping together, going from slow to fast. His anguish over what was unknown to you, turned into an urge to forget. An urge to bury himself so deep inside you, he’d forget the outside world. If not just for tonight. You would gladly give him that. Give yourself that. 

Your hands ran along the tops of his arms, squeezing the muscles as you went, moaning softly when his tongue slipped into your ear, the coolness sending a shiver up your spine. You quickly found the buttons of his shirt, undoing them in equal haste, revealing the expanse of his chest. His hands tugged at the tie of your gown, getting it to fall open and reveal your chest. He cupped your breasts softly, like you would break if he tried any harder and slowly got you onto your back. Your gown slipped open fully, rendering you bare to his eyes, and he let out a sweet sound of awe. He loved your body. Always had. Always would. 

You tugged where his shirt tucked into his slacks, and he ripped it from his body, desperate to get as naked as you. It wasn’t long before he was, lying atop your body, staring into your eyes as he caressed your face. His heart was beating a little faster than usual, like it did when he was aroused, yet still not that of a human heart. It never would, but it had become oddly soothing these days. 

“Not too cold?” He asked, voice thick with something that had you reaching for him, holding him close. 

You smiled. “No. I like it.” 

He returned the action, rubbing your noses together affectionately. Your heart swelled in your chest. Fit to burst. You closed your eyes and let yourself sink when his mouth began travelling your body. Your chest rising and falling visibly as he found his way between your legs, making love with his mouth. 

In fact, out of the hundreds of times you’d had sex, tonight was the closest you’d ever gotten to such an act. It just felt different. More vulnerable than ever before. Sweeter. It filled your hole body, elevated you. Took you to places you’d never been before. 

He pushed inside you slowly, indulging in your velvet warmth, and when he began to thrust it was to a tantric rhythm. Your back arched, your toes curled and all that you felt was warmth. No matter how cold his flesh was, his glow engulfed your body. You wanted it to never stop. 

“Tell me you’ll always want me,” he rasped into your ear. Silver and black eyes burning into yours when he pulled back to view you. It was the most defenceless thing he’d ever requested of you. Exposed in the darkness, you shone, giving him the confidence to plead for such a thing. 

You held his face tight, voice a hushed whisper, but it didn’t make it any less true. You didn’t know what the future held, nor what would unfold. But you were sure of one thing. There would never be a time when you didn’t want him. You were his, and he was yours. 

“Always.” 

[sunlightandsuffering]

https://twitter.com/yeackerma/status/1422399809709694979?s=19 any em headcanons w this Eren? But no nsfw bcs I think he's still 17 in that and I don't want u to get cancelled by twitter

AHAHAH SO U HAVE NOTICED I NEVER WRITE THEM UNDER THE AGE OF 18 !?!?! 😂😂 yeah tea fandom jumps u for it so I just avoid it all together, I'll just pretend he's 18 tho, really the only difference is a haircut and some youthful excitement, lets be real here. He's a wholesome boy tho, bushiest boy, would bring Mikasa flowers 😭 in a modern verse where they don't remember, Mikasa is the unattainable popular girl who is going through some shit and is taking it out on her high school career, angsty and annoyed, doesn't even care about her popularity. Eren is wholesome boy who just transferred, very sweet, probably a farm boy, comes from rural town to big city and no one really likes him that much, but he's got eyes for Mikasa. And this is his chance, he thinks she's the most beautiful thing to grace the earth, and since he lived in a small town, he doesn't have a lot of female experience, most of the girls he's known half his life and was never interested in, but Mikasa is another story. She's like a beautiful city girl princess and he's high-key in love with her, and since hes a good old fashioned boy he attempts to woo her with flowers and asking her out on good old fashioned dates in person instead of sliding into her instagram dms like a douchebag. And at first she thinks he's irritating and she's like ew the weird new kid likes me, as if! He looks way to wholesome for her vibe check, like he wears button downs and his hair is a mess, he's got the little mullet thing going on and his bangs are longer than hers. But he's persistent as fuck, and sometimes she gets fed up of just fucking the guys on the basketball team, or whatever sport is in season, so she decides to finally give him a chance and Mikasa with all her abandonment issues because her parents are dead and Levi never has time for her is soon all heart eyes because Eren actually gives a fuck, and he's the nicest boy she's ever met 😭😭😭 He takes her to the carnival, pays for everything, out to a nice dinner and a movie, gentleman doesn't even TRY to make a move until like their fourth date and HIS ONLY MOVE IS A CHEEK KISS BEFORE SHE GOES HOME. A CHEEK KISS.

Can't believe I'm going so far rn omg, so they're all in love etc, but of course there's angst because we need a plot here!!! So Mikasa hasn't really been telling her friends much about her mystery guy and they find out it's Eren and they're super mean, so they kinda sorta break up despite Mikasa defending him, he finally feels beaten down, super sad like she was ashamed of him, tells her he's not mad, just disappointed, and that he needs some time. some time turns into the whole summer and then he's leaving for university and he finally tells her he loves her, she just really hurt his feelings and that maybe they both need to explore other things right now? They're so young and Mikasa cries because she missed him so fucking much and she's finally getting him back only to lose him again, but she agrees because if you love something you let it go. So he goes off to Uni and she's sad, doesn't really move on much, starts doing community college courses, wants to maker something of herself so if Eren ever comes back, he'll be impressed. AND THEN ONE DAY HE DOES COME BACK, EXCEPT HE'S NO LONGER DORKY MULLET EREN YEAGER, HE'S HOT UNIVERSITY EREN WHO IS STILL ONLY IN LOVE WITH MIKASA AND TELLS HER SO 😭😭😭 they have a dramatic reunion and they live happily ever after.

[woo-do-hwan]

The June Review

Dramas & Films I watched in June

The Romance of Tiger and Rose (2020) [9.5 out of 10]

I finally watched this so I could stop avoiding spoilers and tbh it did not disappoint. I finished this in about 2 days and I honestly don’t know what to do with myself now. I might have to start calling Lu Si the comedy queen because of the one heck of the performance she put on. I also loved the chemistry between the leads and by ep 10, it was so obvious the male lead was so in love with her, my heart just burst for them. The couple also reminded me of Donghua & Fengjiu in some instances bc Han Shuo is whipped for his woman just like Donghua is. Anyway... I might have to go rewatch this bc I feel empty inside now. 

My Dear Lady (2020) [6.5 out of 10]

I watched this curiously because of the summary but it seems most of the plot happened towards the end of the drama and by the end it felt rushed. I also got bored often watching most of this but the acting was still good. 

Kore Wa Keihi de Ochimasen! (2019) [8.5 out of 10]

I do truly enjoy watching some jdramas bc they’re just 10 episodes with no exaggerated or lengthy plot line and this was exactly it. It also had the subtle romance plot which doesn’t take the majority of the 10 eps which I quite enjoyed. And pretty much each ep came with a different story which I also loved with odd exception of the romance plot and the two last episodes. 

Kleun Cheewit (2017) [7.5 out of 10]

This isn’t my first lakorn and it certainly won’t be my last either. The chemistry between the two leads were amazing. I’m not sure what else to say... felt like they dragged out some parts and some things were a little so-so but good drama. 

Mystic Pop Up Bar (2020) [9.0 out of 10]

This is probably one of the best dramas I’ve watched this year, at first I wasn’t planning on watching it but I decided to give it a try and little did I know, I was going to be hooked two episodes in. I did mostly watch it for the back story (with the young actors) and I hope when they’re older they might consider doing another drama together. But I’m a sucker for tragedy & angst which I also try to avoid most of the time going into dramas (this is a very odd combo). The plot was great. A great drama, and I notice this also applies to books, when the audience guesses and already knows of the plot twists before they are revealed. It’s quite satisfying when all the pieces fall into place and that is exactly what happened. Mystic Pop Up Bar also kept it light-hearted bc you needed the humour after watching some of the angsty scenes, phew. 

Someday or One Day (2019) [8.5 out of 10]

I guess you could say this is a murder mystery for most of the episodes. The twist and turns are quite unexpected and I quite enjoyed watching. Greg Hsu could have my heart any day of the week. (this list is getting longer and longer with each passing day)

Want More 19 (2018) [7.0 out of 10]

A short web drama. I mean... the main reason I was here was for Day6′s OST ‘Chocolate’ It’s a great song. Also an amazing band. Again, it’s just a breather in between long-winded dramas. 

The Legend of White Snake (2019) [7.0 out of 10]

I know I said below another drama review that I had changed my ways and don’t skip through things now. Well... I skipped through this one mainly because I got fed up and bored, this consistently lasted through a whole chunk of eps. So I kind of skipped to the end... I didn’t miss much if I’m being honest and I wasn’t a fan of the ending. 

Tokyo Tarareba Musume (2017) [8.5 out of 10]

I went through a phase of watching dramas but regretted not paying enough attention to them the first time I watched them, either by skipping through the episode or just missing out episodes in general. Now that I’ve changed my ways and want to fully appreciate dramas, no matter how good or bad, I decided to rewatch this. There’s nothing better than watching Sakaguchi Kentaro be an angsty af man. Anyway, I enjoyed this very much. Jdramas have a lovely charm about them by not being too long and don’t drag out the storyline either. 

Good Casting (2020) [8.0 out of 10]

A better title for this show would be Chan Mi and her sidekicks... I wasn’t really a big fan of her character. She was literally everywhere & I think that’s where the plot falls... maybe I would have liked it more if we actually had a chance at seeing more of the other main characters. I think I was trying so hard to find a reason to like it but there wasn’t much to like about it. The premise of it sounded so appealing but again, it was just another drama that fell short. 

When My Love Blooms (2020) [7.5 out of 10]

Let’s be real here... I was watching this for Park Jinyoung & Jeon So Nee, I don’t know about you all. Honestly... I felt like Jinyoung & Jeon So Nee’s storyline would have worked well in a standalone drama. That would be quite interesting to see. Anyway, great chemistry between those two as well. I can’t say much for the present day storyline, easiest way to put it, I didn’t like it. But I suppose it’s what I get for a melodrama with the added extra drama tag. (Note to self, stop watching melodramas) 

My Woofy Poofy Love (2018) [8.0 out of 10]

It’s quite refreshing to watch short web dramas like this in between heavy dramas. You are angst free while watching fluffy web dramas. This was pure sweetness and very uplifting to watch, especially because I’ve been watching some heavy dramas recently. 

Where Your Eyes Linger (2020) [10 out of 10] (BL)

I’ve never given out a 10 before, they’re rare, extremely rare. Perfect actors, perfect length of episodes, perfect storyline. I loved it. I loved the way it reeled you in the first couple of episodes, with the fluff and the humour, then it eased you in and gave you a taste of the angst to come before completely ripping your heart out. And they gave us a kiss! A KISS! It was one of the softest kisses ever. PLEASE GIVE US SEASON 2... Ahem. At the moment, it is one of the best dramas I have seen this year. (I’m going to have to compile a list at the end of year of the best dramas, aren’t I? There’s bound to be more than one, Mystic Pop Up Bar is heading for a Best Drama crown this year too) Anyway. Go watch it, it’s worth it. 

The King: Eternal Monarch (2020) [7.5 out of 10]

Okay, if you follow me, you’ll know I was watching this for Woo Do Hwan and also Kim Kyung Name (you might have not known that one) and the queen Kim Go Eun. I mean it’s definitely not the best drama I’ve seen all year, it’s only June, there’s plenty of time for another drama to come out and impress everyone. But with this one... there was nothing really keeping me there except those three. My interest did peak around the middle episodes but died down quickly after. I wasn’t in love with Kim Go Eun/Lee Min Ho pairing but that’s just me, certain episodes they clicked with me and others they didn’t. I wanted more out of that final ep but I don’t at the same time. I wanted to see more of everyone’s life instead of the brief snippets we got, not to be biased but I wanted more to see more of Jo Yeong. I guess you take what you can get... we were teased with so much, the excellent cast, the hype for it and having a well known writer behind it but having watched it, it was a big let down, for me at least. 

Born Again (2020) [7.0 out of 10]

For an overall mystery/crime/fantasy/melodrama drama (If we can call it that) it wasn’t that bad... if we exclude the horror of the romance plot. The writer glorified what Jang Ki Yong’s characters did and that was not okay, he clearly needed help. Main Female lead ended up with the wrong guy. Lee Soo Hyuk deserves better. The stylist and him need a raise for his outfits during the later episodes when his past self takes over his current body because hot damn he was pulling that off better than any other character I’ve seen in a suit. 

My Holo Love (2020) [8.0 out of 10]

I loved the beginning of the drama but my interest died down after the plot was revealed (an evil man wanting the AI)... but I did however love the last scene of the series, that was a nice way to end it. 

Novoland: The Castle In the Sky (2016) [7.5 out of 10]

I just struggled to get into the storyline, I’m not sure whether to go back and watch the “happy ending” (ep 29) because I was fine with how they ended things. 

Maybe, Maybe Not (2019) [8.0 out of 10]

This a web drama, sweet and short ^.^

Long Time No See (2017) (BL) [8.5 out of 10]

This is just a short little drama, I loved the chemistry between the leads and it was very action packed for the few episodes it had. 

Snow Flower (2019) [Movie] [7.0 out of 10]

There is just something about Japanese movies... and sometimes dramas. It’s hard to explain, where they can be the most melancholic and beautifully filmed thing. It’s the odd feeling I get when I’m drinking coffee and it’s raining outside and I’m just overwhelmed and feeling nostalgic. Have you ever watched a film where you thought it was good, not extremely good, just good and not really have any qualms with it. This was the movie. Setting itself to be a sad movie with it’s summary surrounding terminal illness, but it’s hardly reflected upon. It focuses more on the romantic side of things which I didn’t mind. If you’ve got 2 hours to kill then it might be worth the watch.

Secretly, Greatly (2013) [Movie] [8.0 out of 10]

Worth a watch. It’s a good spy action movie with the comedy elements added into it as well. 

[furyfought]

abernathy is a small town, surely you’ve met AGATHA KLEIN ; they can be a little IRREVERENT & OPPORTUNISTIC but have no fear , the TWENTY SEVEN year old definitely makes up for it by being IMPISH & SENSITIVE . most of the time anyway .  they’re usually seen around KLEIN & ASSOCIATES, LLC , as a CRIMINAL DEFENSE ATTORNEY . you know, i hear they’re affiliated with the local mc, iron kings as an ATTORNEY . they’ve got this vibe of A HEART GROWN RAVENOUS, A CYANIDE CENTER ENCAPSULATED BY SACCHARINE FRUIT, AND A SOUL IN THE FORM OF A SCRIBBLE WITH FANGS going on , makes them easily recognizable.

loosely inspired by jennifer check (jennifer's body), wendy byrde (ozark), ginger fitzgerald (ginger snaps), elizabeth sloane (miss sloane), john silver (black sails), & BBHMM.

+ pinterest, stats.

hey, friends. i’m devin (or dev) & very tickled to be here. agatha’s a combination of two of my favorite muses, and i can only hope that you’ll love her as much as i do. 🤎

"𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄, 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒. 𝐍𝐎. 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓."

agatha’s story isn’t one that she likes to tell anymore. she feels it’s useless: to be defined by the actions of others, to attempt to battle the preconceived notions that run rampant regardless of what one says or does. she doesn’t want to beg for understanding anymore, or to claw her way from beneath the filth she’s made of her life. all that most know is all that she can bear to have known. the rest? it’s confetti; a meager concession in a game of chess. if you know her, is that a fact or a weapon to be used against her?

when it comes to the stories that can be told, however.. perhaps the most important is background. agatha’s an abernathy native: raised in grandiose park, flew the coop for college, only to settle back down in bordeaux apartments. klein & associates, llc. has been in her family for generations, each forefather serving increasingly questionable clients. agatha’s life, like that of many kleins before her, was already planned before she’d ever even been a thought in her parents’ minds. under her mother’s rule, there wasn’t any room for straying from that path. agatha would be smart; she would be clean; and she would be, without fail, someone. in other words, she would be her perfect replica. imagine the disappointment when agatha was anything but. 

agatha’s childhood can be summed up by three things: a door slammed shut in her face, an ear-piercing howl, and the chronic longing to go home — wherever that was. it’s another thing she doesn’t talk about, another thing she tries not to think about. those three things have followed her into adulthood, but they’ve taken different forms now. no longer is agatha a child screaming her throat raw — no; now, she cries out in other more productive ways. if you were to ask her, she’d tell you that she’s a woman grown; the past is behind her, buried in the sand where it belongs. the truth is trickier, less absolute. agatha is a child in the form of a woman; forever in the midst of a metamorphosis, unsure if for better or worse. she lacks foresight & lives largely in the now. she can’t imagine a future for herself and her choices in life reflect that.

agatha succeeds because she’s pretty, powerful, and convincing. wherever she falls short, her father is sure to more than make up for it. it’s amazing what people will do for the right price, and when they want to keep certain secrets from ever seeing the light. nepotism & immense privilege have done wonders for her, but she does.. actually work hard, too. she has an incredible memory & is really good at digging for more information & making her case. if she tells you that she’s going to do something, then she’s going to do it right no matter what. she’s dogged in that way, blinded to the outside world by her stubbornness. she works long hours & values her career above all else. she thinks it’s the only sure thing she has & views it as the one stable, secure thing in her life.

agatha is lonely to the point of defect. she lacks a sense of security in her life, which is why she’s so career-focused. she genuinely thinks that the only person ever looking out for her is her dad. she becomes very predictable once you realize that she will always pick the winning team; that she will forever follow the money; and that she is always going to make the decision that most benefits her. that isn’t to say that she doesn’t have any friends omg, but.. she doesn’t really trust easily. if she trusts you and considers you near and dear to her heart, then she’ll choose you. but until she has that reassurance? you’re on your own, bro. 

but like.. you literally would not know that unless you got burned by her. agatha is really good at listening and really good at playing parts for people. the thing with having no story is that she’s free to create her own. if you need a hero, she can be that. if you need a villain, she can definitely be that. she’s eerily good at getting chummy enough to make people think she’s close, only for them to realize.. they don’t actually know anything real about her? fun stuff. 

i think.. her entire life is a vie for power while also wanting to let go of that desire while also being afraid of what might happen if she were to let go of that desire. she’s not tht bad. she can play decent, be a guy’s guy. and she does come off tht way. it’s jus.. underneath there’s tht like .. tht rot tht she can’t scrub away. n it rears its ugly little head smtimes. but. :^) she can be cool n shoot the shit u kno.. heheh.

anyway.. lighter stuff<3 puts the gaslight and gatekeep in girlboss. talks just like her daddy, except for when she’s in the courtroom. egocentric without ever meaning to be. (spoiler: it’s a smoke screen.) she can, must, and will find a way to twist your words into something she can make sense of. believes in mixed drink supremacy. will absolutely smoke all of your weed + play dumb about hogging the blunt. plays dumb a lot actually, until it’s time to be smart. she’s touchy-feely, but freezes up whenever someone touches her. stares — a lot. can’t ever be the person to pick you up after a rough night out, because she’s likely there with you egging you on to do one more shot. every event is a tits out event / she has to be the most overdressed person in the convenience store at all times. can, must, and will be your unsolicited sugar momma. YOU SPIL-DBFDHFDJHBF LIPSTICK IN MY VALENTINO WHITE BAG? energy. thinks everything is a competition because it is. if she loved you once then she loves you forever. thinks going 20 over the speed limit isn’t speeding, actually. a bit of an emotional anarchist. can’t actually take what she’ll dish out. teases u if she likes u. teases u if she doesn’t like u. doesn’t care abt the feud as long as she’s gettin’ tht shmoney. big fan of an emotional sucker punch. 

"𝐌𝐘 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐌𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐈𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐀𝐋𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐘 𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋."  + below are some ideas open to any & all muses no matter the age, gender, affiliation, etc !

i’ve left how she got involved with the mc totally absent from this intro bc i was hoping to plot it out! i’d love it if someone wanted to be her “in”. could be they were a childhood friend in need of help, a client she got close to, jus smth tht happened by chance.. whtever we come up with works! <3

if anyone needs an evil ex gf .. She’s Here. she will lie, cheat, scam, trash yr car, empty yr bank account.. whtvr you need, baybee<3

conversely.. not-so-evil ex gf? agatha can be nice & caring without there being a catch sometimes. maybe they still talk. maybe they’re friends. u tell me.

fwb / ex fwb? she do be sending them ‘u up?’ texts. 

someone tht agatha only got close to bc she wanted them to testify/be a character witness in court oopz<3

omg actual friends pls.. ppl tht Know her. tht See her. ppl tht she cares abt n would actually do anything for. friends!!!!!!!!!!!!

agatha has “get off my lawn” energy so i think it would be very funnie if someone needed a place to crash n she let them stay at hers thinking it was temporary n then they jus.. did not leave. n she’s like 🤨 hello?

an almost smth? anything weird n awkward n unspoken tht maybe fizzled out or maybe still lingers under the surface?

agatha doesn’t have a budding drinking problem but if she does no she doesn’t but if she does then<3 drinking buddy? someone that she’s gotten into questionable shenanigans with? poor bartender tht has to deal w her trying to “help” them as she waits for her uber to come? the possibilities are endless.

agatha’s all bark n very little bite but i still think it’d be funnie if she had a hateship. jus putting tht out there<3

if yr muse wnts an ego boost via unrequited crush.. lmk. i’m willing to hulk smash all of agatha’s dignity jus for u.

omggg a dealer? >.> who said tht omg #hacked.. 

on n off again thingz? lorde wrote tht "i am my mother's child i'll love you til my breathing stops / i'll love you till you call the cops on me" line abt her</3

budding friendships!!!!!!! ppl tht she goes to pilates or yoga with; people she gets brunch with; ppl she keeps running into n its like heeey u :); little platonic crushes jus . all of the cute platonic thingz tht make her go wtf is this 🤨. 

i mean.. if anyone wants a sugar momma.. I MEANNN..

college friends!! law school friends!! ppl she met over the summer while interning somewhere!! i left tht purposely vague, hint-hint.

tinder dates gone wrong. ghosted tinder dates. tinder thingz.

agatha’s been attending galas / banquets / office partiez for ages now so if anyone wants to be her plus one or her lil fake date... :^) could be cute. cld be angsty. world is our oyster. 

speaking of which.. coworkers n maybe even a lil personal assistant would be so sexie.

[lydiadarlingtonxo]

( victoria pedretti, female, she/her )╰ ✧ ˔ ⭒ magic is in the air !oh wait - that’s just our newest neighbor, lydia “lady” darlington, the 25 year old FLORIST. they’ve been relocated from pastoral city, and so far the locals claim that they’re EMPATHETIC and JEALOUS, just like LADY from LADY & THE TRAMP. if you ask me, they seem like the type to enjoy SILVER “RETURN TO TIFFANY & CO.” LOCKETS AND CANDLELIT ITALIAN DINNER DATES. apparently, they are CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC about entering rome pines, and i don’t think their power of EMPATHIC PERCEPTION VIA TOUCH will help them this time. let’s just hope they can adjust to the new neighborhood…⭒˔ ╮{ ooc: kate, 26, PST, she/her }

summary 

(tw: parent death) lydia renee darlington is a simple girl born on december 25th, 1994 to two simple people, renee and michael darlington, in the beautiful affluent town of pastoral city. growing up, she was surrounded by love and flowers. her father gave her a beautiful heart shaped pendant from tiffany & co for her 13th birthday, joking that the “if lost, please return to tiffany & co” would be better suited to her than being brought back home should she ever go missing. her thoughts were all spun sugar and glitter. whatever she wanted, she got and then some more. lydia--affectionately dubbed “lady” by her parents--was born into a dream world that she was lucky enough to call her reality. 

then, her mom got pregnant with the future christopher darlington. things changed, but renee and michael included lady in all the planning. she helped pick out the nursery furniture, the clothes, and even which walker would sit in their former 3-person living room. while she’d previously expected neglect, the impending arrival of her little brother brought the family even closer together and lady found herself excited to meet the 4th member of the darlingtons. 

on july 7th--7/7, what should’ve been the luckiest day of the year--ended in tragedy when her mother passed away due to complications during child birth. they left the hospital the same way they’d arrived: a family of three. 

from then on, life was different. her father, while still the loving and thoughtful man she’d always had the privilege of knowing, retreated and hid behind his job and lady did her best to surround her little brother with a sense of normalcy. she told him stories of their mother when rocking him to sleep and put her picture up in his nursery where they’d planned to put pictures of baby animals only months prior. michael continued to provide a cushy lifestyle for their family and always came home for dinner and though lady thought losing her mother would mean the end of her life, days came and went one at a time and a new normal blanketed the darlington household. 

when lady turned 16 and held her little brother’s hand in the park, she felt an overwhelming sense of fear and panic. her heart beat in her ears, her body trembling like a car with its bass set to maximum. she looked down at chris, whose face had fallen and whose grip had tightened on hers like a boa constrictor. and then: a dog ran up, face level with chris and the fear in her stomach boiled, unbearable and steaming. after a few moments, the dog licked chris and his shoulders sagged with relief. all at once, the fear pulsating through lady’s body evaporated almost as quickly as it had come. she didn’t know what happened, but it was only the first day she experienced what she would soon come to know as empathic perception. 

now, as a 25 year old florist newly relocated to rome pines, lady is trying her best to converge where she’s been and where she’s going. the love she has for her brother and father are never-ending and the darlingtons have dinner together every week. in a new, semi-terrifying place, lady tries to remain hopeful for what lies ahead. 

bullet points 

because her empathic perception happens via touch, lady always wears a thin pair of lace gloves. she’s tried learning how to control when she feels an emotion from someone else, but she’s not yet able to turn it off/choose when it happens. for now, the gloves are helping her preserve her sanity and stay close to those she loves. 

her passion for flowers came from her mother who used to wake her up early to go to the plant nursery down the street, pick out a new bundle of flowers, and plant them in their yard at least twice a month. when chris was old enough, lady started taking him to do this. 

lady would throw herself off a cliff if it meant saving her loved ones, namely her little brother. while lady wishes her mother could still be alive, she’s thankful for the extra chance to bond with chris so heavily. 

if she had the choice, lady would eat spaghetti with fresh grated parmesan for every single meal. 

lady has serious jealousy issues and is very possessive of the people she loves. she doesn’t like to feel threatened or have her relationships encroached upon. her jealousy manifests in a very petty, passive aggressive way and she will often blow up seemingly without warning because you didn’t “recognize the signs” she’d been putting up. 

she has not taken off the silver tiffany’s necklace her father bought her for her 13th birthday since he first put it on her and does not plan to do so. 

when lady feels she needs to share something difficult with someone, she will drink too much and spill her guts. she finds it very hard to open up, even to people she’s close with, because the person she was the most vulnerable with left her so early on in her life. 

unbeknownst to her father, lady has taken up smoking cigarettes. 

painting is lady’s favorite creative outlet and she will often set up an easel by her favorite window in her apartment and paint while eating her breakfast on the weekends. 

to better her health, lady tried to start drinking tea instead of coffee. it only took about a week before she went out and bought her own espresso machine and began making a minimum of 4 lattes a day at home and donated all of the tea she’d gotten to the coffeeshop under her apartment. 

lady one day hopes to open up a flower shop/cafe called darlingtons so she can combine two of her favorite things--flowers and coffee--into a passionate business. 

ooc intro

hello my sweetest friends! i apologize for this intro being so long overdue. the u.s. do be affecting my mento health these days. anyways, i’m kate, recently 26 (as of october 24th), she/her, living in the pst timezone! this is my lovely lady girl, whom i’ve played in a few disney rps before and am now completely in love with her as a character. we share a love of lattes and carbs. if you love lady as much as i do and ALSO love angsty/dramatic plots...please message me bc i would love to wreak havoc w you ♥︎

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

↬ what scene will you be?

date: early 2017 / january 2020 / august 2020.

location: some random apartment / ash’s home studio.

word count: 1,875 words, not including lyrics.

summary: n/a.

triggers: passing mention of alcohol.

notes: creative claims verification. mentions of youngjoo 🥴 but in the least angsty context yet! some parts in the middle are repurposed from a defunct verification.

early 2017.

the concept of the song first comes to him early in his relationship with youngjoo. there’s something about the beginning of a new relationship that never fails to bring out inspiration for a flood of love songs from the depths of ash’s mind, and youngjoo is the perfect muse for his poetry in the midst of the fluttery, dreamy feeling of their honeymoon phase.

they’re watching a film, a surprise date night planned out by ash that had involved talking a senior friend into letting him have his apartment for a few hours that evening (which, he’d like to note, had been incredibly hard to do when he couldn’t explain why he needed it). he’d set up a projector in the living room and a film he knew she liked and he’d gotten an expert opinion on a good wine pairing for the dinner he’d made.

it’s strange, dating youngjoo, but it has nothing to do with discomfort in his feelings for her. she’s youngjoo. smart, successful, talented, kind, interesting in a way that keeps him captivated from the moment she walks into a room, and gorgeous in a way ash hadn’t been able to ignore even when friendship had been all there was between them. he could listen to her talk for hours about anything in the world, and he wishes he had the time to do just that. she’s every color in the world and ones that haven’t been discovered yet, and he watches her more than he watches the movie. 

every time a slight smile curves on her lips, his heart beats faster and he swears goosebumps raise little peaks on his skin.

the greatest film on earth couldn’t possibly compare to an evening spent in youngjoo’s presence. given the chance to own all of the greatest art in history, he’d reject it if he could spend evening upon evening with youngjoo by his side instead.

he loves her.

he hasn’t told her yet. it feels too early, but he knows he does. there’s no other way to describe the elation that fills him at the mere thought of seeing her or the fact that she’s his last thought every night before he tries to sleep.

he writes the chorus in his mind as he sneaks glances at her, and he puts it down onto paper that night after returning to knight’s dorm, a rare smile on his face and the feeling of their kiss goodbye lingering on his lips.

january 2020.

the song had been abandoned in ash’s files after he’d broken up with youngjoo, deemed unlikely to ever be dug out again.

he finds it again on an old hard drive he digs out from a box he still hasn’t unpacked after coming home from another meeting with bc about the singles he’d be releasing throughout the year.

these kinds of meetings with this frequency had only become common in the lead up to fatalism. he hadn’t had so many meetings for daydream, he’s sure, but then again, he’d put a halt to all of those when he’d injured his ankle that year. he can’t quite remember the frequency of meetings for i’m young, but that had been his first album and his first chance to prove himself. by now, bc and the other producers should have more faith in him than they seem to.

they’d talked again about image. sexy had been their plan for fatalism, but it hadn’t been the success they’d wanted and ash is known for his heartbreak ballads after the success of “untitled, 2014”, not to mention “d (half moon)” outcharting anything that could be considered sexy on his last album. it’d be terrible business practice to abandon that entirely for a new image that ash had been pulled into simply because sexy performance soloist is currently a less competitive market than acoustic love song ballad singer-songwriter. there are so many of those, but the performance soloist category is more dominated by female soloists these days, so by growing his image, they could assure ash is able to become a household name instead of just another disposable singer, they’d said. the company wants to bring in the kind of brand ambassador money that comes with standing out instead of blending in. with the way he works day and night at events that drain him of every last ounce of social energy to please brands, ash would think they’d be happy with his current status, but it’s a mistake to think a company can ever be satisfied in their greed. ash doesn’t want to care, but he can’t help but feel a little prideful that they’d apparently been wrong... if he ignores the success “troublemaker” and “now” had had last year.

it’s been a couple of months now since ash had had to fight for his own input for the album concept. some of the tension in the reins has been slackened in response to romanticism not being the smash hit they’d wanted. ash is still struggling to pull himself out of the mindset he’d had to live in for fatalism, though, and it’s rare something entirely fresh comes to him.

this isn’t fresh either, technically. it’s nearly three years old and based on feelings long past, but as he listens to the track, he’s struck with the feeling he’d been onto something and he saves it to the computer in his studio to come back to before checking that his schedule is clear for some time, so he can and hole himself up in his studio with some hope of being able to work uninterrupted. 

this isn’t going to be the song he’s supposed to be working on. maybe it could work for his spring single, but that seems far-off now.

he sets to work and the song soon expands its references to a lover as a film he can’t take his eyes off of. he hadn’t latched on to the initial metaphor too deeply when he’d first heard it since the memory that had inspired it is so far in the past now, but the feelings that start to crawl their way out of him so naturally keep the idea from going entirely neglected. more than the lyrics, he focuses on what to do with the instrumental. the original draft had been simple in melody, acoustic and sweet, like a lot of his music had been when he’d only been in the beginnings of creating anything good enough to win bc’s approval. (it’s bitterly funny how that’s a battle he’s still fighting in spite of his style changing so much since then.) now, a more refined composer and producer, ash switches up the style entirely to something more unconventional and syncopated and in a style he’s wanted to try but has never gotten the chance to up until now. 

it’s upbeat enough to be make bc happy with the possibility of a more choreographed stage (though, in ash’s opinion, it’d be a good song to stand and sing on stage with only a microphone stand and background projections), but in a way that’s not shoe-horned in for the sake of achieving what anyone else wants. he’s written so much heavy music lately, weighed down by angst or lust or anger or resentment, but this is pure. not pure in the way he would have thought to make it three years ago, but it’s love re-invented, taken from a confessional letter to a musical story of a man he doesn’t entirely identify with anymore.

it’s a project he spreads out over a few weeks, coming back to it whenever he wants to play around with something exciting instead of nailing himself down to another song that’s too much like something he’s made or heard before. as more work comes in with deadlines, at some point in the working process, he abandons it. be it fun to work on or not, he’s a seasoned professional now and it’s more critical to meet deadlines than finish some conceptual track that probably won’t even be used.

august 2020.

months later, ash is more focused on the creation of his next album than anything else. it’s been pushed back once already and every time he tries to make something new, it comes out the same: an alternative r&b track and heartbreak or longing. he’s getting nowhere, so, one day in his studio, he re-opens that “concept track” he’d left to the dust and spiderwebs months earlier. he already knows precisely what he needs from it.

he has a vision for the full song now. it should be the sound of a relationship that’s still passionate and hesitant like early love so often is. a movie that draws in the eye and the ear and the mind from the very beginning, but as it progresses, it turns inward.

if a lover feels like every great film every written, how long can it last before you’re left questioning how that’s something you deserve? if a lover is every color in the world, how do you ever know what their true colors toward you are?

when he’d first begun writing the lyrics, it’d been so hopeful, but he knows now where that hope had led him.

the song isn’t meant to be dark, so he keeps the wonderous tone, letting the worry set in only as the song leads itself out.

what scene will you be? some day, will our story be told by others? who will be the next lead? what if i’m just a cameo? should i just sit in my seat? 

all that the song really needs now is some additional production work from him and it could be submitted to be slotted into his new album. it’s different in tone from everything he’s submitted so far, but that could be exactly what the album needs that it’s evidently so direly missing to be truly complete. 

he sets to work recording final vocal tracks for the song, or what will be final unless it’s approved and bc sends him in for a cleaner take. he keeps his delivery light and entranced, like he’s whispering to himself out of fear of being overheard. the more he tries to connect to the song, the more he realizes how hard it is to do so without thinking of youngjoo. it’s so uniquely her. or rather, uniquely him when it comes to her. the feeling of someone entrancing him so completely, like someone he isn’t deserving of experiencing, is one that he’s never felt in the exact way the lyrics and music convey with anyone else.

so, he lets himself think of her, of their past and their present and how fleeting any moment in time has ever been between them, if only for the sake of getting a successful recording.

the ending of the song hits a little too strongly when he does that and his delivery becomes more rushed, barely keeping in time with the beat as the questions rush out of his mouth. he takes a break and stops himself from getting too deep into the insecurity he’s trapping himself into needing to access.

he considers changing the end of the song, but he can’t imagine it ending any other way. that’s the story that has to be told and he needs to tell it, even if it all hits closer to home even now than he’d like to admit.

[svbcritic]

chances  are  i’m  still  working  on  my  boy  prince’s  intro  bc  i  got  bust  at  work  and  the  world  was  against  me  writing  up  so  imma  post  my  fave  boy  charlie’s  info  here.  but  yes  !!  hello  all  !!  it’s  ur  friendly  neighborhood  admin  kristina  (  the  choi  san  mascot  on  the  main  !!  )  so  if  u  ever  find  urself  having  any  issues  or  concerns  then  u  can  catch  me  here  or  on  the  main  !!

⌈  wong  yukhei,  cismale,  he/him  ⌋  hey,  is  it  CHARLIE  JIN that  you’re  looking  for?  you  know,  the  TWENTY-ONE year  old  PODCASTER.  typically  i  see  them  hanging  around GRISTOL  POINT so  you  could  try  there!  i  hear  they’ve  been  in  living  in  SAUGATUCK  for  FIVE  YEARS.  gristol  wouldn’t  be  the  same  without  them,  right?  anyway,  whenever  i  see  them  they  make  me  think  of  UNAPOLOGETIC  LAUGHTER,  A  COLLECTION  OF  PASTEL  COLORED  DENIM  JACKETS,  HEADPHONES  HUNG  AROUND  HIS  NECK,  &  THE  SMELL  OF  STRAWBERRIES.

STATS

full chinese name: jin ximen / americanized name: charlie jin / nicknames: charlie / ethnicity: chinese & thai / sexuality: bisexual / occupation: true crime podcaster / spoken languages: cantonese, thai, english, korean, spanish, & ( conversational ) mandarin / hogwarts house: slytherin

BIOGRAPHY

okie dokie so charlie ( born ximen ) is the youngest of the four kids between his parents born and riased in shanghai and their wedding was some big event bc both families were heavily affluent and prominent in their home countries

charlie’s dad hailed from shanghai, china where his family had a long lineage of old money and a 5 star international hotel chain that’s comparable to the four seasons .. meanwhile charlie’s mom is from thailand where her family has ties to the oil industry which is how they built their wealth .. their marriage was more political than anything and wanting to combine their wealth in industries the other was lacking in

as the youngest kid and the only boy with three older sisters, charlie never lacked a caregiver bc he was an adorable little boy who charmed whoever he met and though he was a little shit, his sisters loved him and helped raise him alongside a clan of nannies that his parents hired when they were busy off on different continents running their respective businesses

charlie definitely was more of a mommy’s boy in the sense that his mom made more of an effort to spend time with him bc as her only son, she held him on a pedestal and since she was a well known fashion designer, she often brought charlie to her studio and let him run wild in some of the garments and clothing that was in storage and whatnot

from this charlie had a lil mini modeling career ( lmao not really )where he would do mock photoshoots with some of the models in his mom’s bridal collections and eventually bc he was adorable and everyone loved him, they dressed him in some mini tuxes and he appeared in some campaigns for his mom’s bridal collection

generally though charlie was an exuberant kid who often had more energy than he knew what to do with and that often had him getting in trouble at the expensive prep school his parents had him enrolled in . which he frequently was scolded by his dad for his hellion behavior jdsklafjd

so it was a constant push and pull between charlie and his dad in trying to calm down his son .. which wyd he;s just a happy go lucky boy hsalkjf but anyway charlie was eventually enrolled in a soccer club so he could wear himself out by running all the time and tbh it kinda worked .. but also charlie actually enjoyed soccer so it worked out

his dad really thought he did something by keeping his teenage son out of trouble and letting him build teamwork skills ig … mainly bc he wanted his only son to take over the jin empire of their hotel chain even though charlie was like :/ .. and his mom was a bit :/ bc she knew charlie wasn’t the type who would want the weight of this empire on his shoulders even though his oldest sister was more experienced

but fun times for dad bc lit it’s w his soccer friends that charlie realizes that whatever heterosexuality is .. that ain’t him sdjldkjs but yeah he finds out that he’s into guys just as much as he’s into girls and he has a crush on one of his best friends on the soccer team w him

charlie was able to disguise his crush as a solid bro friendship around his dad meanwhile him and his friend were leaning on the scale of more than friends and 10/10 were making out whenever they were alone so yeah … things were swaggy for the first three months until charlie’s dad came home early from his trip from new york and walked into charlie’s room to see him fooling around with his friend

so yeah … things didn’t go great after that and the jin household was so painfully tense where his dad refused to go on any international trips and kept a strong grip on charlie and pulled him out of his school’s soccer team .. it was a tough time and definitely miserable for charlie despite his mom’s best efforts to help soothe him

nearly a month following The Incident ( as he dad refers to it as )he announced that 16 year old charlie was going to live with his aunt over in america and it was an absolute shit show at the house when his dad broke the news but the next day charlie found himself on a direct flight from shanghai to brindle bay where his aunt lives with her american husband and son

the move was a big adjustment for charlie and it was here that he started going by charlie bc the kids at his new school couldn’t pronounce ximen . originally he was a bit standoffish and reclusive bc his english was still shaky and he had an accent so this combination of things made him a target of some shitty xenophobic bullies and it put him down for a bit

it was a dark period that charlie doesn’t like to think back on and relied on the friendship he established with his cousin and it was through him that charlie began to blossom in brindle bay and make his own connections and realized that his dad is a dumbass bc he essentially sent him away for being into men but lmao !! sike dad !! bc now he gets to kiss boys if he wants without the rope around his neck from his dad

it’s been five years since charlie has been shipped to brindle bay and he keeps in contact with his sisters and mother and has visited shanghai a few times for some holidays and lets his dad think him being in america has helped him become more sensible and learn responsibility

when he graduated high school his mom offered to have him come home but charlie decided he wanted to stay more away from his dad for the time beginning and enrolled in college and got his degree in communication studies

it’s when he’s in school that he starts up his own podcast where he just discusses true crime and paranormal stories and such just bc it’s always been an interest of his .. he started it with his close friend that was his first Official friend in brindle bay and they’re two years into and it’s growing a strong listening base on spotify and apple music .. for comparison sake it’s a mix of buzzfeed unsolved and my favorite murder

but yeah overall charlie is an easy going guy who is usually seen with a smile on his face and just v fun loving , charismatic and loves talking to ppl ?? comes off v flirty but that’s just who he is bc he has that kinda vibe .. sometimes he doesn’t even realize he’s flirting bc it comes like breathing . he means well and is a soft boy who misses his family but is scared to go back home to china officially

WANTED CONNECTIONS

someone who helped show charlie around when he first came to brindle bay and maybe they built a friendship from it

someone who maybe helped him improve on his english when he first came to town and charlie is forever grateful to them and feels indebted to them for being there for him when he was self conscious and needed help

his first relationship .. p self explanatory but charlie and your muse dated for a bit and it was nice and sweet but things ended amicably between the two and they still remain friends

maybe one or two fwb’s that charlie respects their friendship and somehow their arrangement happened and things are going good and having someone on call when he’s feeling needy is a+ .. whether or not smth angsty can stem from this can be debated

his first friend that he made when coming to town and charlie’s podcast buddy !!

maybe someone who has a crush on charlie but he’s stupid and oblivious and his flirting that comes as easy as breathing doesn’t help the situation

a good influence ... helps charlie be a lil bit of a demon

a bad influence who is helping charlie embrace more of his hellion ways hfskd

or even someone who knows of his family’s wealth back in china and is trying to finagle their way into charlie’s good graces and hopefully try to get a cut of it

[inkstainedfanfics]

Burdens

Request: Hi! I know you probably have so many requests right now but i have one too, and you can add it to the list and do it whenever you like. I was thinking newtxreader where everyone says reader is dumb compared to newt and calls her names and stuff and she feels like she's just a burden to newt and that she's just holding him back? When newt realises how everyone treats her he gets angry but then makes her feel better? Fluffy fluff fluff at the end bc i need that after your angsty fics!!

Word Count: 1,899

Pairing: Newt x Reader

Tag List: @dont-give-a-bother (you requested this I hope you love it!!) @red-roses-and-stories @caseoffics @ly--canthrope @thosefantasticbeast2 @myrtus-amongst-the-stars @benniesgalaxy @whatinbenaddiction @studyforthreehands

“For such an intelligent man, I must say I expected more from his wife.”

The businessman’s words are a whisper as they always are, an attempt to hide an opinion that harms. Not that they truly care. If they did, they would keep their words to themselves.

You try to shrug it off, turning your back to the man that whispered it, to the look he gives you as you spin away, to hide the faltering smile that you struggle to retain. But it’s useless. There’s no ignoring those words.

It isn’t the first such comment you’ve heard at the party, and it certainly won’t be the last of the night. The words, the sentiment, are always accompanied by a snide tone and a lip curled into a sneer or twisted in confusion, eyes darting to you, to your burning cheeks as you pretend not to hear, not to notice the way they see you, the way they compare you to the man you love.

But this time it’s worse. This time, despite the gentle rumble of the crowd and the hum of the band’s song, Newt hears.

He stiffens immediately, head cocking in confusion, as though he can’t quite believe what he just heard.

You’re reaching for his hand to pull him away before he can say anything, but it’s too late. Newt’s at your side, shoulders tense, hand clenched around the ornate glass of butterbeer he’d left your side to grab.

“Hello, love,” he murmurs, voice low as he presses a kiss to your temple.

The men in front of you brighten as Newt approaches, smiles you despise lighting up their faces, stretching across their cheeks. They both raise their glass to Newt. One’s already spilled a tad bit of wine on the light blue of his button-down shirt, a shirt that does not match his green eyes. And the tie’s as black as his hair, a strange combination you take comfort in mocking in your mind. How can a grown man not know how to dress himself properly?

But Newt nods at him, “Cooper.”

“Newt!” The man says, voice too loud, too cheery to be genuine. He stands in a fading streak of sunlight that’s been tinted red by the stained glass windows that run the full length of the room’s towering walls.

Newt’s voice is icy, nod short, eyes flitting to the other man, a brunette with crooked teeth and bad breath. “Jones.”

“Mr. Scamander, a pleasure. A wonderful party the ministry’s thrown for you here.”

“It’s lovely,” Newt murmurs, free hand slipping around your waist and tugging you to his side. “A shame your wife couldn’t make it, Jones. I understand she’s home for the night, right?”

“Right, keeping the kids in order. They’re wonders, the both of them.”

Newt forces a smile to his face and nods. “Is that so? Honestly, I’ve heard otherwise.”

“Excuse me?” He takes half a step forward as you glance at Newt in surprise. A rude comment, certainly. What is Newt doing?

Newt just squeezes your side gently. “Now was it Tommy that I heard shattered another boy’s nose at Hogwarts?”

Jones’s smile falters, and he raises his glass to his lips. “An accident, nothing more.”

Newt shrugs, eyes narrowed as he also raises his glass to his lips. “Truly? I heard that it was intentional. Some silly feud over bloodlines?”

You watch the exchange in awe, heart speeding as Newt attacks the other man. As he defends you in the best way he can.

Jones shifts from foot to foot, both hands wrapping around his glass now as he thins his lips. “I’m not sure where you heard this rumor, but I can assure you that it isn’t true.”

Newt raises an eyebrow. “Is that so? Well, I must say I’m relieved. I wouldn’t want to work with someone that raises a prejudiced child. Reflects rather poorly on the parents, doesn’t it?”

Jones coughs out something that resembles a laugh, an attempt to mask the discomfort clear in his tense stance, his clenched jaw, his tight grip. “It surely does, Mr. Scamander. Say, have you considered that advertising deal from Stowna’s firm? I must say, it seems a wonder for our book.”

“My book,” Newt clarifies, a wry smile on his face. He ignores the question, eyes darting to Cooper’s miserable attempt to suppress a smile. “Enjoying the party, Cooper?”

“Oh, very much so. The ministry clearly put effort into the celebration. Not that you don’t deserve it. 20,000 copies sold is quite the accomplishment.”

“I’m very aware. Say, you wrote a book, correct?”

Cooper puffs out his chest, chin raising. “Indeed I did. Sold thousands upon thousands of copies, it did.”

“Mmm,” Newt hums, thumb rubbing up and down your side as he sips his butterbeer. “Congratulations. You had a celebration?” Newt swirls his drink, staring at it as he asks the question.

“Yeah, at home. It wasn’t anything nearly as grand as this, but it was all I needed.”

“That’s good. Did you invite Harlowe?”

Cooper’s face pales, the smug smile fading quickly as you watch on in wonder. “Who?”

“Mia Harlowe? She’s a talented writer. Surely you’ve heard of her.”

Cooper clears his throat, looking toward Jones for help, but the other man says nothing. “I—I’m afraid I haven’t—I don’t know her.”

“It’s a shame she hasn’t had anything published under her name. You know, she was researching the various effects of wand cores as well. Perhaps you should send her a message, compare your notes.”

Cooper’s mouth is open, whether to speak or drink you aren’t sure, but he hasn’t a chance to decide as Newt’s arm leaves your waist, instead intertwining his fingers with yours.

“I suppose we should greet others, right love?”

You nod, allowing a smile at the men’s stunned and shamed expressions. “Right. There are plenty of people waiting on you.”

Newt nods at the men one final time, raising his glass. “Do enjoy the festivities.”

And with that, Newt leads you through the crowd, but he’s still the slightest bit tense, fingers just a little too tight in your hand, back just a little too straight.

“Newt,” you question as he leads you away from them, “what was that? You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yes, well, some people need to be put in their places sometimes. Even elected officials and publishers.” He stiffens again. “I heard what they said and I couldn’t… I can’t…” He shakes his head, sucking in a breath. “They’re ridiculous.”

You swallow, eyes dropping in shame as your cheeks heat up. “Maybe.”

Newt stops at this, warm hand tugging you to a stop as well. “Sorry, what was that?”

People swirl about, their conversations rising and falling with the live band in the corner. The ministry is packed, filled with men and women that refuse to miss an opportunity to schmooze with high ranking officials. And there are plenty of them here, but Newt’s not paying attention to any of them now as he pulls you to the stone wall, only offering the slightest of smiles and nods to those congratulating him along the way.

“Newt, don’t worry about it,” you murmur as he begins to make his way through the crowd again, leading you to an isolated area of the room, away from the bar and the musicians and the people.

“Love,” he says, spinning on you, releasing your hand to run his own through his hair, “they’re wrong. I know you. They’re wrong.”

You shrug, rubbing your arm, heart pounding in your chest. You hadn’t meant for this, hadn’t meant for him to ever hear someone speak about you that way. Of course he’d be upset.

“I guess I just… worry. I mean, you’re you. A world class author, traveling the world, able to repeat hundreds of facts about creatures at a moment’s notice, crafting potions that heal and restore memory and… and I’ve done nothing. I don’t even understand half of the stuff you talk about sometimes.” You stare at the tips of Newt’s shoes, polished to a shine for tonight. “I don’t know, I guess I just worry that one day you’ll realize they’re right. Everyone’s… right.”

“Dear—”

“No, it’s fine.” You wave a hand, misery settling like a blanket over the night. You hadn’t meant to make him feel this, feel like he had to stand up for you. You’d only wanted him to have a wonderful night. “This isn’t your problem. Not tonight.”

He frowns. “Love, I think you’re brilliant because you are. It has nothing to do with how intelligent others think you are.”

You shift from foot to foot, avoiding the solemn, green eyed gaze that you so love. It’s not his problem, not his fault you can’t understand things that he can, not his fault that you can’t just learn simple concepts, so why is he making it his problem? He’s supposed to be enjoying the night, meeting businessmen and old friends and instead he’s here, in the corner, dealing with your issues. Isn’t that proof? Isn’t this proof that you’re dragging him down, that you’re his greatest problem?

“Newt, I should go. I don’t… I can’t do this right now.”

Newt grabs your arm gently, head tilting, wry smile growing. “You’re brilliant in every sense of the word. Cooper, Jones, they’re fools. They’d never be able to do what you do.”

“Drag you down?”

“Pardon me, love, but you’re being ridiculous now.

You recoil. “What?”

He chuckles, stepping closer so that he’s bathed in the same strip of golden light as you. “A mite ridiculous, but wholly adorable. Love,” and when he says the words, it’s drenched in tenderness, one that’s just barely matched by the way he runs a thumb over your cheekbone as he cradles your face with his free hand, “I adore you, every inch of you. There’s not a bit of you that I would change. I don’t know anyone else that can understand my notations like you, or that can maintain a journal’s worth of free floating noted pages. Nor does anyone else treat creatures with the care that you do. You know all of their names, and you can tell them apart with a glance. Do you think men like Cooper or Jones could ever be able to do anything like that?”

“See, dear,” he continues, closer and closer until you have to tilt your head to look up at him, “you’re perfect.”

Tears are welling up in your eyes, but not from harsh words anymore, but sweet ones, from the love apparent on Newt’s face.

Until, that is, he grins mischievously. “Other than your penchant for snoring. I suppose I would change that.”

You smack his shoulder, stepping away from him lest others notice the closeness between the two of you, the intimacy of the moment. “Whatever, Newt. You snore just as loud.”

He laughs again, taking a sip of his drink before reaching out to rub your arm. “You’re feeling better, I trust?”

“I am, thank you. I’m sorry again, for everything,” you mumble.

“I’m here for you. Just say the word. Now, let’s go greet everyone so we can leave early.”

You roll your eyes, allowing Newt to wrap an arm around your waist again as you reenter the party. “Try to be social for a while.”

He shrugs. “We’ll see.”

[thezolblade]

Ship Meme! Tagged by @the-cryptographer​ ~

1) Ultimate Otps:

Which of them have ‘ultimate’ qualities...? GS Isaac/Alex would be kind of an ‘ultimate power’ ship, if they got a plot with twists and turns and character development and reasons to cooperate. I’d expect that more from fic than canon - so many other canons have lots of epic slow burn adventure fics for hero/villain-or-antivillain ships. But so far in GS, for those two, I’ve mostly found (good) crackfic, or non-shippy ‘they fight to the death and Isaac wins and marries Mia’  stuff that doesn’t treat them with even as much nuance as the canon.

Not that I mind mudshipping - my ultimate GS polyship would be something like Isaac/Mia/Felix/Alex(/Veriti/The Ice Queen), with interesting dynamics between every two characters in that set of four (and Mia/Veriti), even with some of the bonds possibly being platonic. Though when I’ve written long plotfic it’s very easily gotten platonic/ambivalent/angsty bc it tends so much towards drama, and conflict may drive plots (hence its abundance in plotbunnies), but I find it hard to headcanon characters getting past hurts and grudges very easily; I want to see them make the effort, but it feels like they’d need a lot of time and personal growth to get there, and I might not even figure how well they do until I’m almost 100K words in. And in some very angsty verses there’s no chance. I want to read other people’s adventure fic too, with fun ideas that manage heel-face turns or antihero plots in a slightly lighter way...

PMMM Madoka/Homura is another ‘ultimate power’ ship, if they can get to a point where Godoka and Homucifer can deal with each other as equals again, both with full knowledge of everything that’s happened and the resolve to truly save themselves, each other, and the rest of the universe. :o

Utena/Anthy is quite an ‘ultimate reality’ ship, when they find their revolution.

2) A ship you’ll always 💜??

The Harvest Moon fan in me is going ‘purple heart? that’s not a very high level of affection??’ ...but taking it as an emoji for ‘love’... without repeating anything above, pokemon Green/Red is always nostalgic (gameverse Ash/Gary, the names get a little confusing as there are localisation differences and I like the old manga and anime too but haven’t watched/read anything recent in those canons).

GS Imilshipping, too, in fic verses where they had a close bond. FE Lucia/Ilyana, I wish they had epilogue content after their support, still mean to write out a plotbunny for them sometime. Soren/Ike, of course, and Tibarn/Reyson.

ToS Lloyd/Colette/Sheena/Zelos, again with strong bonds between all of the pairs in that foursome. They did so much to help each other find hope by striving to save and trust each other, creating a new kind of salvation together.

Skies of Arcadia Fina/Aika/Vyse, Vyse/Ramirez, and Ramirez/Galcian. Never found much fanstuff for it, but it caught the imagination.

3) Current obsessions??

Lots of MadoHomu vibes after getting a oneshot written for them. Confident!Madoka makes both of them happy when they’re not dying; it’s a shame she doesn’t get much screentime as her confident and cheerful self, since so much of her time as a magical girl passes offscreen. Even while she was more unsure during the series, she demonstrated her desire to protect her friends, and Homura commented time and time again on her kindness - she loves her for it, and when she discourages it anyway, it’s because she’s come to believe that it’ll be the death of her. If they were truly safe, they could support each other so well - it could be a world away from the desperation that marked the end of Rebellion, when neither of them are at all okay. :s

Also getting quite into darkfic plotbunnies, and I know ‘darkship’ is a term in some cases for character dynamics fulfilling their worst potential, descending into violence and destruction that at least one character Does Not Want, but in the verses of those plotbunnies I guess they still fit the label of antiships better than ships.

4) A ship you never thought you’d like??

Uh, a lot of the stuff on the gs kink meme caught me by surprise, when rarepairs got suggested and the fills or plotbunnies got interesting - Alex/Ivan, Eoleo/Rief, Alex/Amiti (in a BAD IDEA way). And on lj/tumblr, Mia/Sheba was pleasant surprise too. Not that I ever had any preconceptions about disliking ships, they just hadn’t occurred to me.

In FF7, I don’t think I expected to see compelling Cloud/Seph or Zack/Seph at first, all those years ago, but I quickly found that there are a lot of good AUs and darkfic. Especially when they’re alongside other good ships like Cloud/Zack, Aerith/Zack, Aerith/Cloud, Aerith/Tifa, Tifa/Cloud etc.

5) A ship you used to like but don’t anymore:

Uh idk exactly. I used to read a lot of Buffy fic by ship to find characters whose dynamics were interesting in the show, but iirc I ended up skimming any content that was really ‘shippy’ to get to the plot and jokes and emotional bonding over real stuff, not random physical attraction, and nowadays I don’t think I’d bother skimming so much stuff just bc I hoped it’d be interesting and wanted to keep giving it a chance.

6) A ship that should be canon??

Well some that are very strongly implied but not explicitly stated feel like ‘yep that’s canon’ but could maybe use some more in-universe and author confirmation when not everyone seems to agree - Ike/Soren, Utena/Anthy in some versions of canon, etc.

7) A canon ship you hate???

I like to hate the way darkships go sometimes, but that’s what makes them an interesting story, going ‘noo’ about characters’ bad decisions, though that usually only works if they had better potential that they’re falling short of, not necessarily in a romantic sense... Can’t think of many cases where that happens in canon. Uh I think most explicitly canon relationships are either one option among many routes (and I get tired of support grinding), or I’m a bit indifferent, or if I dislike how it’s done I’d still start playing devil’s advocate and wondering how it could have been done differently if I spend any time considering it.

Oh in FE Awakening I kinda hated how Virion’s flirting in the main plot cutscenes was creepy and painted him as a bad joke, but his supports are much better and some of them are great - how do you explain liking his ships when he has such a bad start (and such bad English voice acting)? I also hated the way the player character’s support options didn’t all show up until endgame, so I missed them the first time and had to replay and wait until then to support grind, and then it all got repetitive grinding the same dlc maps so many times over just for such short supports, and the endgame marriage candidates that were most interesting (bc how the hell could the game make that work, with a head of state or a former enemy??) ended up with really rushed and unconvincing relationship development, and the child recruitment maps were hellishly difficult at that point in the endgame, and all in all it got a bit un-fun and not worth the effort. :/

8) A ship you shipped for years??

Most of the above. Also stuff like Saiyuki Sanzo/Goku, GS Alex/Felix or /Saturos, Jenna/Sheba, Karis/Sveta, Pokemon Misty/Erika, FE Florina/Lyndis, and, uh, probably stuff that I’m forgetting right now.

9) A ship everyone 😍 but you don’t care for?

...Was there anything? Some of the cliche stuff bugs me, but I’d usually think ‘what about writing the dynamic this way and maybe adding poly?’

10) Favorite rare pair???

Mm what's rare? Any gs Alex!ships at this point...

Edit: I forgot to tag anyone, so. If meme time sounds like fun, @sazandorable, @meganekkomeguca, @droory, or anyone who feels like it?