#it could be so much worse and i am so very grateful it isnt but also. im literally going gray in my 20s

[gontagokuhara]

oh great heavens i need a job i need income i need MONEY i thought my laptop shit itself for good just now

[ducknotinarow]

Richard - Family Meme; all that apply uwu

talk about family meme

Send 👔 for my muse to talk about their father

“I don’t know what all you really want to hear on the topic. I wasn’t around my farther too much growing up. You think of me as a workaholic and sure I am I’ll admit to that. My father was far worse. He only even left his office around the weekends. Course he worked in his hom office. He came from a respected family but was the youngest of five sons. So he wasn’t going to I hear it anything for himself. He saw a chance to get what he wanted and made a deal with my mother. Ture to his word he took over that company and made it more successful than ever. Some may even assume he was no were near as bad as my mother. The lesser of tw evils maybe even..but no. My parents marriage may not make sense from the outside. Normally when people marry it is for love the thought of making a family and speanding thier life together. Not so much them but they were still partners in every sense of the word. My father was just as involved in my growth as my mother was. If anything he was the one to rise the stakes. He was always good at that. I don’t think I’ll after him much outside in looks. In truth I will never forgive him for being the root cause of my brothers death. He was the one that got Zane hooked on to drinking, drinking during meetings was common. Zane, was a social and happy drunk so it just up his charisma. At the same time he is a bit of what I measure success by even in my age now. Constantly needing to fight it because I don’t want to run my self into being exactly like him so I guess he is more the model of what going to all in. The kind of farther I never wish to be like. Unsupportive, cold, distance and uncaring. I don’t phone it in with Buddy but I do put in the effort to show my son I am here for him."

Richard has had time to really reflect on his childhood be coming a parent himself was kind of the first step for him to really finally doing that because well he and Bailey sort of ended up with a kid suddenly so Richard didn't get to stumble through those first stages of Buddy's life to figure it out he had to do it well on the job. Meaning he thought a lot about how he was raised in turn the relationship he had with his Dad. And well that isnt the kind of father he wants to be. he still learned from his father but as what not to be.

Send 👚 for my muse to talk about their mother

"A harpy of a women, who lacked any sense of tack or taste. She was privilege from day one and never let it not be known that she was a heiress to a upstanding family. Even to her own kids. As I said my parents didn't marry for love it was a marriage of convenience my mother just wanted to remain rich and not work. My father made that possible. Surprisingly they could be a effective team when put together. I guess i spent most my time around my mother growing up..and that may have resulted in a lot of how I am now. She didn't have very good taste i recall how often my childhood home got a 'make off' and the color choices she picked always clashed not to mention always having patterns? Bailey should be grateful my crime is only pineapple shirts in all truth. My work habits are from my father I will admit my personality..may be fostered by my mother. I was around her far more since Zane was learning from my father. I am full of myself but even I sometimes am a bit struck by what comes out of my mouth...well aware that I know where I learned it from. If I had to say I learned anything good from her? It was to stand by my partner no matter what. And well she did always tell me how to treat a women...I jjst also extended thst to men. I swear despite be being dick deep in one nearly every day she still insists I'm stright and doing it to spite her."

Growing up since Zane was raised to take over the family business Richard in turn was around his mother a lot. Despite Melody being well a full blow narcissist she didn't like the idea of a stranger rising her kid. Which did mean Richard spent most his time around his mother least till old enough to be left on his own. I joke this man has no taste because sadly he only knew taste from his mothers lens which is tacky af XD Richard wears blue all this time because his mother insisted it was his color and at least she wasn't wrong there, sadly being raised by a narcissistic Richard doesn't fully know the things he likes a lot of it learned from him growing up away from her. On the last point lack of love or not Richard can state his parents seemed to have a strong relationship in some way seeing how Melody always stood by Thomas' choices. They were always on the same page and worked together if that make it worse or better is hard to say. So yes Richard's self love isn't only as a sort of defense because of how low his parents could make him feel but a learned behavior from being around his mother so much as a young kid. I have had him so out there shit but don't worry even he sometimes has to take a step back and be all..the fuck did I just say XD he just knows how to own it at least.

Send 🤜 for my muse to talk about (one of) their sibling(s)

"I don't feel there will ever be enough to say about my brother, and yet I feel so much time waste that wasn't spent voicing those same things to him. Losing my brother turly placed a hole in my life. I won't every fully be myself without him. My brother was just very speical in my life our time was short but the time we had I'll treasure and I hope where ever he is now he can see me and is proud of who I have become. That said, my older brother was a ture pain and never knew how to leave me alone always bugging the crap out of me. Rising my competitive nature better than anyone even compared to my justified hate with Starducks. Thought himself the ultimate wingman for me cause having a 'main squeeze would lossen the stick in my ass'. And yes when he learned I liked guys too je figured it gave a large net...and no he was never successful he did not know my taste. Pretty much see a maybe single girl or boy and go right into 'oh what about that one?'not to mention how many times he used up my eye liner. Man he could piss me off and send me into unbridled rage...but he also was very important in my life. And it is always the bitter pill in all my life achievements to face the fact...he won't be there to see it. See me finally settle down, see me marry the love of my life, adopt my son even. I know he'd love to be there for that all."

What haven't I said on thier relationship? It's turly one of my favorite aspects to Richard despite ya know me killing his brother off xD Zane is very much the reason Richard did not end up loke his mother or father u_u Zane and Richard were like any brothers if not a bit different considering the environment they grew up in theu only really jad each other for support. As mentioned the reason Zane started to drink can be blame on thier father. It nit uncommon for alcohol to be present in a meeting and due to social pressures Xane couldn't be seen not accepting a drink from his host. Richard as known is a workaholic something he got from his father which is a form of addiction. Zane also got that just his addiction was alcohol. Zane had been dealing with the issue from the moment he was a teen and Thomas and Meldoy did not get him help. It would ruin thier family image if it was found out after all. Thomas just added to the drinking issue telling Zane to get over it. It's why Richard never forgiven his father and never could. And partly himself since his brother was always there for him he feels he should have done the same. Why makes sure to do different for Bailey ;3;

Send 🦯 for my muse to talk about their grandparents

"I never knew my own grandparents but I will say I love and adore Sue very much. In truth I would thank my being with Bailey thanks to Sue. She always made me feel included and seemed to champion me to pursue Bailey romanticly seeing how she often gave me hints into Baileys life letting me chip away at his own painted walls he kept up around me."

Richard dose very much see Sue as his grandma. And even credits his relationship with Bailey to her. Feeling Sue for some reason felt Richard was a good match for Bailey because of her being the one to mention things to him here and there at times that got Richard curious to ask Bailey about and helped bridge them closer into the more serious relationship they would have. Not to mention Sue was pretty quick to make Richard feel like he was part of the family and seeing hiw Richard was often made to feel he wasn't good enough for his own? I don't think Sue will ever fully understand her acceptance and inclusion touched the egeal which is why she has his highest respect. Bailey has to do a lot to get Richard to relax if Sue told Richard to rest? He do it no problem X'D

Send 🐾 for my muse to talk about (one of) their pet(s)

"I never had any growing up, my mother found them to be gross and likely to bring dirt into the house. Admittedly I thought my self not a pet person but then Bailey adopted Mocha and Carmeal....and my mind was quick to change. We have five cats technically. One at the cat café Bailey bought and I sell coffee through now as well. I'll admit I have come to spoil them making then speical drinks and I personal prepare meals for them over canned or dry food. Fresh is best."

Richard being a full blown cat dad is honestly the cutest thing to me xD which is funny I know when asked before I said I felt like if given the chance for a pet Richard would likely perfer a cat. I feel like Mocha and Carmeal are kind of his favorites of the bunch see how they are the one always seeming to be around him. I feel for his mental state as well. They have been become emotional support pets for the egeal. He dosent mind letting them lay over him or playing with them even when working. He has a soft spot for cats now thanks to these two.

Send 👶 for my muse to talk about (one of) their child(ren)

"I already stated I never thought I was a pet person I even mlre thought I could never be a father. I just worried about doing a poor job as a Dad because of my own parents. Worried I'd be just like them and I could never put a child through that. But then Buddy came into our lives. I never knew the attachment one could feel for a kid who had no DNA from you. I just couldn't imagine not having Buddy in my life once he was there. They are such a smart, sweet and caring kid and everyday I find my self just amazed at who Buddy is becoming. I want to set a God example for Buddy even if that means facing things I never wanted to, so I can be better. A better rope modle to my son. It's hard watching him grow up I'll admit. Missing my little duckling who followed me everywhere. But, I know Buddy will be okay I know Buddy is full of love from me and Bailey both. Knows they can try and spread thier wings and we will be there to catch Buddy if needed. That's what I hope Buddy knows most. That Buddy can fail and it's not the end of everything."

Richard's life turly became richer when he and Bailey decided to take I'm Buddy for their own. Buddy has been a way for Richard to heal his inner child because he tries not to repeat the mistakes of his own parents. He never wants Buddy to feel how he does. He wants Buddy to feel loved, safe, and secure. That's his main drive as a parent. As someone who wasn't allowed to fail je wants Buddy to see that just because he dose it isn't the end of the world they can get back up and try again as many times as needed even. Richard really is a doting father I feel. He brags about his son often, he even makes Buddy employee of the month all the time xD his café it'd allowed. Richard just knows he loves his son and he wants his son to have a good life so he tries to be as involved as possible make sure his presence is always there for his son. He might not be the most emotionally open but Richard can display his love in other ways and he just hopes he doing a good job.

[nonbinarygamzee]

Dave thoughts? I'm very curious about your hatred for that guy (if that makes sense)

HAHA ok so admittedly maybe my posts about how much i hate him are a bit overblown because i basically think its really funny that he only comes up on my blog if i am being a hater. integral to understand that while i post "fandom" content on here that i dont really think of this as a fandom blog so much as a blog where i come to have conversations with myself and so naturally just bc of who i am a lot of my little posts are full of context and meaning i never bother to externalize because they are for me to reread later and have a little chuckle about.

anyways. theres a lot of reasons i find him grating but i can at least admit it that a lot of my annoyance has more to do with the way i was forced to slog through strider manpain posts endlessly as a teenager any direction i tried to look. when the fandom seemed hyperfocused on him and his woes while actively sending me like graphic gore at like age 14 for saying hey maybe this other character also deserves some sympathy and maybe even analysis that has more to say than why they are an evil irredeemable monster for being unstable as a child. which yknow that isnt daves fault but man even without that part it was tiring to see all of the emotional depth constantly boxed into his corner. and then to repeatedly have the comics itself affirm all of this as valid exploration and then ridicule me for My exploration. for many many years the strider manpainisms made me not bother with dirk just on principle even though today hes one of the more interesting characters to me! so i can admit im not being totally "fair" here but well. as usual i think the fandom darlings can handle a fraction of the disdain ive see thrown my favies ways constantly for over a decade.

and like none of that to say i dont Get why people do this with him or that he deserved anything he got as a kid or it wasnt abuse or whatever. let the records show that i think it is Wrong to terrorize your brotherson with swords and sex puppets. im a feminist.

more rooted in the reality of the comic itself though i just find it grating how often daves sole function in a scene is to be the authors mouthpiece and specifically often in ways where you are meant to implicitly agree with the things he is saying irregardless of whether they are a centrist gen x nightmare opinion because its also the larger opinion of homestuck as an entity. dave is far from the only character to do this and id say any of the characters you could comfortably refer to as the "protagonists" actually end up slipping into this fairly often. that said the other biggest offenders imo are karkat, egbert and terezi and i also have feelings of extreme ambivalence for terezi and to be honest an outright disinterest in egbert. so. i am at least consistent about it! karkats my special guy but i need him hunted for sport and tortured until he stops being this and largely the things he believe that make me feel that way heavily align with the opinions the comic depicts as mostly right and again tend to be moments hussies worldview is bleeding into the narrative especially openly.

anddd ok. i just find daves personality grating on top of it. i cant sit here and pretend ive never laughed at a dave strider dialogue but generally a lot of the parts people find very funny are parts i tend to come away having seen the thousanth iteration of dave having his worldview affirmed and getting to do some #awesome clapback at the person insinuating he even try to think outside of his own preconceived ideas about what things should be like. in general in a story so full of characters doing bad things it just grates on me that, while his offenses are certainly usually "minor" in the grand scheme of things, the lack of willingness to challenge them often just means like dave gets to be right and nobody remembers when he actually massively fucks someone else up or makes them feel worse. like to be clear none of this is a problem in that characters cant "do bad things", i literally like vriska, but it would be cool if we could at least like. acknowledge that theyre anything but entertaining even within the context of the universe where other characters should be allowed to be uncomfortable when hes actively creepy or uses their emotional breaking points as a soapbox for how He feels. but since it would cause this big rift in how homestuck itself presents the opinions it wants you to agree with, those characters just..... not only do not mind most of the time but even if they do its never in a way that allows them agency in the matter. thats the crux of it all for me actually, hes by far one of the most autonomous characters of the bunch and it feels frequently like his agency is at the expense of others because hes a self insert.

um ok tldr hes annoying and him being the Face of homestuck is like..... accurate but in the most painful nightmare way because he kind of just. Is homestuck. to me.

(and i actually do see iterations of him sometimes that i find compelling but they all feel so detached from how hes presented in the comic that it just feels like someones oc. all of this said also i actually kind of have an absurd amount of thoughts on how he would act post game (epilogues ignored here) just i dont bother to do much with em because dave likers would hate it and other dave haters probably wouldnt care enough lol. also always secondary info anyways, hes finally allowed irrelevency in My city)

[cherrylight]

hey. uh, sorry about this post... i dont mean to like post vents a lot recently, but things just been so difficult and hard for me to even talk about and then i get so scared that im going to be judged or hated... its been a lot. so. im sorry in advance.

this post is very long btw

hi, not sure where to really begin with this but i guess its better to just say it and let it be said then not i suppose...

summer is usually the worst season for me in general, i hate summer anyway so no surprise. so im sorry for not being up to par on being happy-go-lucky or whatever, i try to do things to help myself and be like ok, i can handle it. i can take that for a while. but theres only so much i can take before its overbearing to a point it wont quit.

im not good at explaining myself so ill try to keep this as concise as possible.

i suffer way too much from social isolation and sure, i try to talk to people and i try so *so* hard to like throw myself out there, but its difficult and im scared on messing up and making a huge fool of myself. its gotten progressively worse and mentioning it to someone only added to the feeling of feeling like a complete chore to even interact with . . .

im like the most socially anxious person you could ever meet but i would do absolutely anything to socialize with others and be friends with people if it wasnt for the multiple negative experiences ive had during my life.

this goes hand in hand with the fact i want to talk about my own things, but fear of being judged and hated upon heavily affects me. theres a lot of things i want to share on this blog, but i cant out of fear of talking way too much or its just unnecessary information or its not what everyone was here to see i guess . . . which is stupid, i know.

i am not good at like expressing myself or my interests at all, but i get so excited upon talking about them and then in return the excitement is unrequited (majority of the time), sometimes it is and im so *so* utterly grateful for that because it means the absolute world to me.

tldr because im talking a lot: social isolation is a bitch and it has affected me my entire life to a point of feeling chronic loneliness, i want to talk about my interests with excitement but i have a lot of fear upon doing so. i just want to enjoy myself and not feel like a chore on a daily

to add: this isnt on selfship almost at all, i feel like i can actively talk about it and enjoy it a lot, i just have so much fear of being weird or odd and what ive stated earlier does not help

again, sorry for the long post and sorry for constantly venting lately. my brain feels like its in a constant fog and ive stared up at the ceiling like multiple times today

hopefully things will get better ... hopefully

[slenderfirebolt]

!'Therapy Friend' is not a healthy relationship!

at least not inheritly. I feel compelled to write this out after having experiences Quite A Lot over the past year or so, and while i have now recovered basically completely from the Consequences of my Actions (and of the actions of others), i think its important to note down a few things that i have learned in hope that a few less people will make the same mistakes, or miss the same red flags, as i have made and missed. some of these are probably obvious and its just the autism that screwed me over, while many might be more useful to everyone. First of all just to disclose any biases i may have, i am a former 'therapy friend' and have also been the person getting 'therapy friended'. in addition to this, i am in my second year of my Psychology major, and while i am ***far*** from able to properly do any kind of actual therapy work (this isnt an 'as a psych major rant dw), i have gotten very good at identifying exactly how catastrophically bad my mistakes were, so without further ado, heres what i have learned in my time so far; Sympathy =/ Empathy: fairly obvious as a concept, but the real issue is how effective/ineffective sympathy and empathy can be with regards to trying to make your friends feel better. Empathizing with someone can often lead to you to feel a need to 'prove' that you also went though something similar to them. this is *not good*, as it can end up bringing everyone down, and if your in a bad mood from your memories, your not going to be helping very much. Sympathy seems to be fine, so long as it is wanted. NOT everyone wants someone to feel sorry for them. DONT OVERSHARE: probably the second most important on this list, 'oversharing' can be a lot more minor than you would think at first, at least with regards to quantity, but very quickly it builds up into a Severe Problem. ideally, the person your trying to help wont know jack about you beyond what is necessary (this is why 'Therapist' and 'Friend' dont overlap very well, since having lots of knowledge on eachother is common for friends). you dont want the person your worried about feel worse because they are worried about you. DONT let this aspect of your relationship DEFINE your relationship!!!! this is probably the biggest on here, and a fuckup that i had made Several times before learning my lesson. if your relationship with someone is defined by the pain you share between eachother, one of two things is going to happen. either the relationship will begin to fade once the pain is gone, or the pain will persist to keep the relationship going. while it is possible that one could have a nice relationship with someone after the pain is gone, that can really only happen if theres more depth to your connection, and any connection based on being 'grateful' is going to get very dubious very fast. Set your own boundaries and follow them: easy for some people, not easy for others. while you may not initially think that your being effected by having people vent at you, or by talking people out of their own malignant thoughts, it can start draining from you without you noticing, and can worsen your own mental health dramatically before you even notice. Prioritize Yourself: hardest one to do for some people, but incredibly important. someone who is not mentally well wont be of much help, so you have to make sure your mental health is in top shape if you want to fill this kind of role. Make sure people want your help. i missed this one a lot, since i just *assumed* that if people were in pain, they would want relief from their pain. this is *not* always true, and you can only truly help someone who *wants* to be helped. you cannot truly CHANGE people, you can only help them change themselves, and this is true for aiding people in dealing with mental health.

Be Their Friend. sounds very obvious, and it connects to several other points on this list. you have to be someone's friend *first*, if you arent doing that, your just an untrained 'therapist' trying your best. this list is not meant to make people who *arent* doing some of these feel guilty, its more of a PSA than anything, and its not meant to make people with 'therapy friends' feel guilty either. that being said, to those that do have 'therapy friends', theres a few important things to remember. - Dont emotionally invest yourself into someone not emotionally stable, it will hurt you both in the long run - Seek professional help if possible for professional problems. friends can give you advice, and i would personally encourage them to give it when it is welcome, but any kind of diagnostic work should at the very least be researched a bit more in depth. that being said, if you find that some methods of treating something help you... - Do what helps You. maybe you cant get a diagnosis due to time and money, maybe your afraid of the consequences. i can understand that, and plenty of other people can as well. you cant always 'solve' some problems, some of them you just have to wait out until they are gone, and then start moving forward. - Be open about what you want from your friendship. the thing that managed to lose me a lot of friends as both the 'therapist' and 'therapee' was people not being open about what kind of friendship they wanted, and if they were comfortable with having/being a 'therapy friend' it sucks to have to confront people, but making sure this stuff is down can save friendships. Take everything i have said here with a healthy amount of salt, since its only from my experience, and may not be universal. be kind and honest to your friends, and try your best to be united by something other than your common pains. very few mistakes are irreparable, i have made *countless*, and even though i have lost many friends, i have gained many more, and at the end of the tunnel, i have come out a happier and more capable person.

[squeet-smooch]

I cannot imagine that you want me. When was the last time you kissed me? Or said my name? When was our last date? When did you last hug me that wasnt out of pity? When have we last cuddled?

When have you last thought of me? When did i last say anything non triggering or non vent to you? When have we last been anywhere near each other? When was the last time you'd look at me? When you'd look in my eyes?

I can kinda get it, especially after today. If i was you i would regret me too. There's not really anything about me that isnt triggering for you.

The drugs which, you say recreational snd i say medical. But who am i to tell you you're wrong. How dare i after i said something knowing it would be bad. The fucking zadr shit. Of course its a bad ship in the full canon, and of course you had a bad fucking go of it previously. Of course i mentioned it wrong, misinterpreting my past memories, seeing the wrong universe. Of course i hurt you and of course you were the one who comforted me. Of course we did things because im an idiot. You probably felt like you had to. Of course i regret it all. I dont regret you, i would love to choose you. But i regret that i let you choose me. Of course im on hormones, the ones that scare you. Of course i merely mentioned them. Of course i ruined that trip. Of course its all been my fault. Of course i made it up here late and clawing and scratching. Of course i still triggered you. Of course i broke your things. Of course i broke several things. Of course i cluttered your space, brought too much. Of course of course i lost my ID and am still STILL failing to replace it. Of course im letting you down, because of course i am.

Why do you let me live here? Guilt that i have nowhere to go? The dog you rescued, hoping he'd find a new home when well enough. Hoping he'd eventually get out. A fun temporary thing. "Married"

Irken married. Why. Why me

When have i brought anything good? When have you asked for me? When was the last time i wasn't alone. Isolated. I pulled away because i could sense that I've been hurting you, and you retracted all the way without hesitating. Im losing you and you would be better off with the other 2. Of course he is replacing me. He's sleeping in the office? Where. When my stuff has been removed? He's excited to live with me too, as i am him. But are you? You haven't seemed to miss me

And maybe i am selfish. Maybe im the asshole. Im actually a narcissist. Im sorry. I'm expectant and needy and listless and useless and stupid. Im unhelpful and lazy. Im so lazy and stupid. I don't help, i make things worse.

How many things have i broken. I promise i have been careful, you wouldn't see it even if you lived in my body. You'd believe all the awful things about ne. You'd know exactly why you should abandon me, dump all my belongings in the yard. Leave me to rot in the rain.

I told you i was a trauma holder. And you left me alone. It was already shaky, our bond. I was relieved, and i told you because i thought things were improving, that my trauma was being treated and we were being soft and warm. I was grateful you were being so affectionate, so gentle. I need absolutely nothing from you, and im sorry im being greedy. One look from you is a blessing very rare few can afford, and you've given me so much more than that. So, so much more than i ever deserved. But how could i tell you any of this. How dare i. What is wrong with me? My problem? How dare i. How dare i. I'm an evil demanding creep. Im not a person and im not irken anymore, im vile.

Im barely conscious anymore. Im alone. I put myself in storage and I'm going to cumulate dust before you can even bear the sight of me.

Im so horrid. Rancid. Bad. It's all my fault and im sorry i didn't protect you. Im sorry that it's my fault and i got you to start trusting me. I broke it immediately somehow, I'm a walking trigger.

[rt-lots]

louis, clementine, jane and kenny for the character opinion bingo 🙏

RAAAAHHHH LETS FUCKINGG GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

louis

im doing these in ms paint dont make fun of me BUT LOUISSSim in love with him top 10 f/o of the over. oh my god. LOUIS GETS a *little* done dirty by the fans but in general hes really beloved and i am grateful for that. i love him. he is so the EVER im so excited to start s4 literally just for him i am obsessed with this guy hes the silliest billiest of the ever my life

clementine

CLEMMMM one of my fav characters honestly... also i checked off adoption papers but best friend bestie papers also work. SEE i was playing s3 w max and he was like "im a clementine apologist" and im NOT her moral greyness in s4 IS MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING EVEERRRRR mcarrol ranch. RAHHHHH OH MY GODDDDD all my thoughts about her are, to be completely fair, recycled thoughts from much more competent anaylitcsists (thats not a word but i dont care) BUT still i could regurgitate those recycled points for HOURSSS i love her sm. ALSO she doesnt REALLY work better as part of a dynamic im moreso referencing her parallels with aj and lee GGRAAAAAAHHHH LEE AJ PARALELL im very easily pleased.

jane

hmmm janeee... this is where my popular opinion differsss. ok so my thoughts on kenny (this isnt about kenny but kennys impportant when talking abt my feelings on jane) rlly shifted when i watched the video "we dont talk about kenny" or some shit BASICALLY making the claim kennys role in s2 is that of an abusive stepfather. i didnt agree w all their points but its what shifted my view on kenny. (altho my view on kennys shifted AGAIN after playing s2 but youll see that in a sec) when it came to jane tho a lot of the comments were complaining that jane was "just as bad", and the vid doesnt mention her enough. so thats the belief i adopted

UNTILLL i played s2 and thought. no. no shes not nearly as bad as kenny imo. jane has commitment issues forged by trauma which is why shes hesitant to connect w the group and leaves on impulse. she knows what its like to get hurt. but the fandom constantly mischaracterizes this as jane not caring about anyone but herself (probably cuz kenny said it... just sayingg....) and that pisses me off. you cannot claim jane, who killed someone who wasnt directly attacking her the first time for clementine, who pulled clementine out of the ice and was the most concerned with saving her life, who came back after being 2009 emo furry levels of a loner just for clementine didnt care about clementine. she totally did!! she was real with clementine, warning her about love and loss to protect her.

shes totally not justified at all in ep 5 tho. and shes not justified in everything she does! ever! shes morally grey and i like her but i think it just comes back to the ass writing of s2. they wanted a conflict between luke and kenny (new vs old family) but then were like "shit how can we kill one of them!" and decided to bring hotheaded, flaky jane in to KILL A BABY so she would be on the same moral playing field as kenny. which she ISNT thats DEFINITELY A LOT WORSE!! so of COURSE a lot of people hate jane. but idk i think shes mischaracterized a lot which leads to hate for the wrong reasons. it almost feels kinda?? misogynistic at times?? people who are adamant kenny, who has violent rage fits due to his trauma, is justified in doing so but jane being emotionally distant, or dare i say, "a bitch" bc of her trauma is out of line... i see yall...

kenny

ayyy bingo!!! oh i got bingo on jane too i just didnt notice oops. OK so kennys section is gonna be as long as janes so before i ramble about that i wanna clarify the dynamic part: kennys whole thing is loyalty and i think his best moments are when hes with other people. theres not one specific kenny + another character dynamic i like, i just think kenny is best when hes w people.

kenny... clenches fist. i mentioned in my jane rant how the "why we dont talk about kenny" video changed my perspective of him. and yeah! it did! i dont like kenny in s2 specifically. i think they fucked up his character for the sake of pointless angst and where we couldve gotten an arc about cycles of trauma or healing or literally just kenny-based-fanservice instead we got a pissing competition between him and jane of who could take out their trauma on the other more violently. kenny particularly gets me bc personally, im a big doormat! i walk on eggshells for people. s2 kenny is the type you need to walk on eggshells for. and thats not healthy. i think kennys statement about jane in the truck is wrong, and i think hers is wrong too, but... i mean shes a LITTLE right. the people around kenny ARE scared of him. he (I THINK) recognizes his actions to clementine but seemingly doesnt take an effort to really change them... he just mopes around and then beats up teenagers. its exhausting.

but i dont think its right to call kenny an abusive stepdad. hes not as bad as i expected, to be frank. hes just really poorly written. he is in heavy grief over his familys death, and theres something that can be done with that, but it isnt. he stagnates until it escalates to a final confrontation- which would work in theory if the confrontation wasnt over the death of an infant, like regular kenny would still totally kill her ITS BABY MURDER IT DOESNT WORKKK- and ends. at least closed-off jane opens up occasionally, she isnt totally stuck at the same point like kenny is. kenny recognizes his problems, but when hes with people he acts the same. itd be like if jane kept telling clementine "i think i will open my heart and be less afraid to accept people into my life" and then left the group again. i could probably say more but ive been typing this for like an hour at least im gonna end it here. kenny my beloved but also i hate you

(altho one thing i do love abt kenny is how no matter what ending u choose he assures u it was the right choice... i think thats sweet. just bc im a big kenny critic doesnt mean i dont still have a big attachment to him)

anyways w/ all this out of the way please note these are all my opinions if anything is inaccurate dont come at me... im simply sharing my perceptions of my favorite little game

[wizkiddx]

Blurb req- Tom and the reader on a private jet hungover? just pure fluff?

fluffy requests are well and truly open ( bcos I adored writing this ahah) and let me know what u think , I am deff not a writer so any feedback or tips would be v appreciated :))

summary: tomhollandxactress!reader - a wrap party followed by an early morning flight and a grumpy Harry, what could possibly go wrong?

warning: mentions of alcohol and sickness

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The remorse. The regret. It only made the pounding in your head even worse. Why those two 1.5 litre bottle of Bacardi had been brought out was beyond you. Why the you six of you had then decided to empty said bottle was even more of a mystery. It wasn’t like any of you had needed it, you’d all been more than ‘merry’ prior to the cheap rum and coke. 

Hence the state of you, Tom and Harry as well as your manager Davey and Tom’s team of Rachel and Andrew. All having made very little effort with your appearance - joggers and hoodies all round, with you and Rachel also sporting sunglasses because you were simply smarter than the boys. Thankfully, this wasn’t a big trip that fans knew about, this was you and Tom moving location under cover  - the studios didnt want anybody to know that either of you made a feature in this film, so everything was under the cover of darkness. Which to be honest you were not complaining about. However, you were complaining about the fact the flight had been scheduled to leave at 7 am the night after your wrap party though.

The two of you had just wrapped your most recent and most ambitious movie to date - hence the massive celebrations last night for just surviving and getting it done. It had been the most intense 3 months of your life, there had been times you’d cry for hours on end, times you just wanted to quit fully knowing you’d never be hired again for leaving a multimillion dollar company in the lurch.But you all, somehow, had survived. So celebrations were in order of course but perhaps not as far as you all managed last night?

Your whole convey appeared to have travelled to the airfield in absolute silence, no one particularly fancied hearing anyone else’s voice- which to be honest seemed quite fair. You’d ridden in a car with Tom and Harry, with you resting your head on Tom’s broad shoulder - which had obviously made Harry gag, rolling his eyes. Bless Harry, really he was the only reason you and Tom had got together, after getting sick of the mutual pining he’d been forced to live with during the previous 2 projects you’d worked on together. But now, having had to put up with the two of you being so ridiculously loved up for the past 3 months - understandably a bit of distance from you and his brother was overdue. 

One of the flight attendants busied themselves loading your luggage, whilst the pilot asked you and Tom for a photo. Of course, you weren’t going to say no however you did have to cringe at how rough you both looked. His teenage daughter certainly would be less excited to see that her Dad hadn’t met Tom Holland and Y/n Y/l/n. Instead he’d met the zombified, undead and rougher frauds. Still you smiled as much as you could, wincing when you removed the glasses and the early morning sun pierced your restricted pupils. God it wasn’t your day. 

The guy didn’t seem to mind though, excitedly hurrying off onto the plane to settle in the rest of you - leaving just you and Tom outside on the tarmac. 

“Poor guy, we look like shit.” You murmured while taking a step closer to lean slightly into his side. 

“Speak for yourself love.’Tom snickered into the top of your head, after pulling you completely into his chest. This wasn’t normally allowed, your relationship still wasn’t public and both of you intended on keeping it private for as long as possible. But you were in an otherwise empty field in the middle of nowhere (somewhere in Georgia) before 8 am. It was actually quite nice to feel your boyfriends arms round you in the outside world, especially when you felt this shit. After a few moments you pulled away, arching back at Tom’s pouty face as you motioned it was time to get on the plane. 

“’S too late you know.” Your brows furrowed at his half formed sentence, facial expression only demanding him to explain more. “They all have already taken the good seats… Harry basically sprinted on so he can hog the bed thing.” In response it was your turn to pout, groaning as you fell back into his chest again. Yes, this was a complete first world issue, a private jet paid completely by your bosses was not something a lot would moan about. Truly you were grateful for everything you had in life, but with the worst hangover of your life when the opportunity of lying down for 6 hours instead of being stuck in a chair had manifested itself… well of course you felt robbed by your almost brother Harry. 

Chuckling at your reaction, he gave you an extra squeeze before leading the both of you up the stairs to the cabin. Sure enough Harry had completely and totally claimed the longer couch at the far end of the plane, lying on his stomach with his face hidden in the crook of his elbow. Rolling your eyes at the predictable situation, you didn’t miss Davey laughing at your sorry state - nmaking you throw daggers at him in your eyes. 

Davey was your second father, the relationship between the two of you far transcended any professional working one. Which is why the two of you acting like this was very much a norm and not rude at all. He had also got the next best seat in the corner with the most leg room which he clearly loved to show off. 

Unsurprisingly then you and Tom ended up squashed into the corner with your legs crumpled up together in the small space floor space. The brunette opposite you didn’t seem to mind so much but that was because he had an adaptational advantage. He could sleep anywhere and everywhere , whenever he wanted. On set if he was tired? Just take a ten minute power nap on the floor. Bored of a long car journey? Just conk out against the window. It absolutely infuriated you, as no matter how hard and how exhausted you were - it was rare you could get any further than a light doze. Even before the two go you got together, having a best mate that could skip all the boring bits and was immune to jet lag… you can see how that makes you want to punch him square in the face.

After a short safety talk from the pilot and flight attendant, the plane whirred into life and you were up in the air. Although in your current state, it would be reasonable to assume the beauty of flying had somewhat rubbed off - you were certain it never would. No matter how many flights you took across country ,and in fact continents, for work; you’d never get sick of watching the view below you. It was perfect and breathtaking and took your mind off the pounding in the back of your head for the first 20 minutes.

Until the need for sleep took over as either you need to be unconcious or you were going to vomit - which you really didn’t want to do at 40,000 feet in a tin box. Trying to rearrange your limbs to get comfier you accidentally knocked Tom’s leg rather forcefully, causing him to jump half out his seat, heavy eyes blinking quickly as he tried to get his baring as to what was attacking him - quickly answered by your guilty look. 

“You okay love?” His voice was slurred, sounding almost sleep drunk - but perhaps was just actually still a little drunk. You’d only headed to bead last night at 4 am and had to be up at 6 - which isnt very long for your poor kidneys to try and process the stupid amount of alcohol you’d both  happily been chugging the night before.

“Feel shitty and cant sleep.” You weren’t in the mood to white lie - honestly some sympathy from your beautiful boyfriend seemed like a dream at the moment. Tom’s idea was better though.

“C’mere then.” His arms outstretched, you immediately jumped into his lap - the two of you shifting about to get comfortable till you were sat side on to him, your bum and back leaning against the arm rest of the chair with your legs going over his thighs and pressing against the wall of the plane. Pulling you closer to his chest, Tom took a deep breath as he pressed his chin against the crown of your head; your face now nested into his chest. 

Nothing needed to be said as the two of you melted into each others bodies, the slow and deepening breathing enough to prove to each other you were both incredibly contented in that moment. More than that you felt safe- you’d admitted to Tom some weeks ago that you had never ever slept better than when he was beside you. Yeh it was cringey but sometimes that’s allowed right? 

… well not to Harry. Because as the plane was about to begin it’s descent, the pilot had tasked Harry (who had slept off the worst of the hangover and had spent the last 30 minutes of the flight scoffing at how adorable the two of you looked fast asleep together) - even after Rach had scalded him and had taken a photo of the two of you on her phone. 

Causing Harry to ,ever subtly, wake the two of you up by throwing his half empty water bottle over your heads. 

Safe to say, Harry very nearly didn’t leave that jet alive.

[thetravelerwrites]

Have you ever taught your therapist something? It's a unique experience.

One of my therapist's tool of coping is gratitude, trying to have your gratitude outweigh your expectation, and I understand and agree on a surface level, but when people tell others about their trauma and those people respond: "you're so lucky, it could have been much worse," I know it's supposed to be helpful, but it doesnt help at all.

I told him, you know, statistically, I am very very unlucky. And I know it could have been worse, but it was baaad. Its still bad. It's been bad for 34 years. I dont have to be grateful it isnt worse. And he was like, "...I've never thought about it in that context before. I'm sorry, i should have taken that into consideration."

I'm just glad he actually listened to me and didn't dismiss my concerns. He's a really good therapist.

[dukeofonions]

Season Two Episode Ranking

Warning: I get very, very, very, critical in this ranking. Like, angry ranting that’s almost laughable. Should I be getting this worked up over an online series? Eh, probably not. But this is my life and I’ll get outrageously angry over whatever media I want. 

Seriously though, this is all just my personal opinion. I’m not saying you have to agree with me and if you like the episodes that I don’t then that’s perfectly fine. 

I tend to overthink things a lot and I spend most of my time analyzing every little details of this series because what else am I supposed to do at work?

So yeah, this ranking is definitely less positive than the one I did for the first season. But I hope y’all can still have some fun going over it! And if anyone does their own rankings be sure to tag me because I’d love to see them and see how mine compare! 

Anyways, enough of me acting like this is more important than it is, on with the ranking! 

I can’t believe season two only has 12 episodes. Now I went ahead and counted Moving On as one episode in this ranking since my opinions on both parts are pretty similar, but sweet cheese and fish this season started on September 1st, 2017 with Fitting in and right now is left on Putting Others First which came out on May 1st, 2020. And as of me writing this it is now May 2nd, 2021. It’s been a whole year since the last episode and we still have no idea when the finale is coming. 

Like, bruh. 

Also remember how the longest episode in season one was only about 15 minutes long and the shortest one was barely four minutes? 

Well the shortest episode in season two is Crofters- The Musical which is 8:42 seconds. The longest episode is Putting Others First which is a whopping 51:09.

And I wish I could say that the writing was on the same level it was in the first season, but there’s a reason I put that warning up there. 

Well, enough stalling, let’s get this ball rolling.

#11 Embarrassing Phases

There are no words in the English language that can describe the sheer amount of hatred I have for this episode. If I could rank this any lower, I would, which will happen once we finally get the season finale. I don't know how that episode will go but it'll definitely be better than whatever dumpster fire this was.

Like, okay. I have some positives. Roman, Patton, and Virgil's costumes were cool. I won't lie I live for vampire Virgil. And the message about embracing your past "phases" and exploring how they helped made you who you are. That's neat. I like that.

And that's it.

My biggest gripe with this episode is Virgil. He just acts like a complete bitch in this! And I don't mean that in an endearing way he's literally so mean for no reason!

He's all "You guys are trivializing my past!"

In response to them going "Hey Virgil, we're glad you're part of our group now and are proud of how far you've come!"

Like okay, even if it was insensitive to call it a "phase" literally there was no reason for him to get as angry as he did.

Just a simple; "Hey, I don't like it when you refer to what I went through as a phase because it feels like you're not talking it seriously."

Isnt that what this whole show is about? Communication???

It wasn't fun watching him just insulting the others, it was annoying!

Like poor Patton, just trying to help and be encouraging, only for Virgil to keep treating him like dirt.

What did I miss here? Virgil was fine in the last few episodes, so what the heck happened?

Oh and let's not forget the great advice Thomas offers Patton at the end of the episode in regards to handling Virgil: "Don't do anything to get on his bad side or else he'll do bad things to you!"

Okay I'm paraphrasing here but that's basically what he says! And since Virgil is supposed to be a representation of anxiety, this is a horrible message!!!

What happened to finding healthy ways to cope with your anxiety? What happened to keeping it in check so it didn't take over your life?

Yeah I'm definitely gonna make a full post about this one episode later because there's a whole lot more to unpack here. But yeah -10/10

#10 Putting Others First

There is just way too much going on with this episode. They try cramming so much in here that I don't even remember more than half of it.

I remember the opening song, then the Lilypadton fight and everything that happens from there. That's it.

And those are the best parts of this episode, but even that has problems because everything with Janus feels like a completely different episode.

Also the whole way they try to teach about morality is all over the place. How did we go from choosing a wedding over a callback to deciding whether or not you would die for your friends to self care is important?

And while the video game sequences, while utilized well in some places, were way too distracting and it felt like they were just trying to shove as many video game references in as they could.

You could take out just about all of them and the episode wouldn't change. Everything they were used for could have been done just through having the characters talk to each other, and knowing this makes the fact that this video was delayed for so long because of it just makes the whole thing worse.

Like the animations were well done, and I don't want to downplay the hard work the animator did. They were just doing their job after all.

But the trolley scenes (especially the second one) hurt my eyes with all the flashing (would have been nice to have some kind of warning for that) and some of the voice effects (especially on Logan's) were grating and distracting.

I want to rank this episode higher, but it has almost zero rewatch ability and honestly besides the ending, when I first watched this episode I was just kinda let down.

#9 Crofters- The Musical

Okay look, the song is a bop and I adore the fact that Logan and Roman got two episodes in the spotlight, but it's just kinda "meh" to me. Plus I get just a tinge of second hand embarrassment but that's just me.

And I know this is kinda unfair but another reason why this one isn't higher is because of a couple of things. One is that they set up some angst for Roman, he's clearly not doing well and Thomas thinks the best thing to do is tell him that he might get his own jam flavor.

Then he does, and instead of following up on that little plot point from this video, they just rushed out a commercial and completely ignored and potential story telling or character development for Roman.

So yeah "Return of the Jam" is the main reason why I don't like this one as much as I used to. And I actually just got an idea for a new post comparing these two so add that to my to-do list.

#8 Fitting In

I actually skipped this one during my first official watch through for one reason and one reason alone: I wasn't allowed to watch Harry Potter.

But I realized that my parents wouldn't approve of me of watching a gay man's content either so I just said screw it.

And luckily I understood enough Harry Potter references to get what they were talking about and honestly, this episode is a lot of fun.

It's a good follow up to Accepting Anxiety, and a nice way to kick off season two. Virgil is finding his place among the group and everyone is trying their best to make him feel welcome, it's really sweet.

And of course we get the new costumes (which i hadn't even noticed that they were wearing their old costumes at first) and I dunno it just gives off season one vibes and it makes me happy.

#7 Moving On Part One/Moving On Part Two

Yeah honestly my thoughts on both parts of this episode are the same. What can I say? It's really good.

This definitely one of the more emotionally heavy episodes in the series, and we see the characters at their lowest for really, the first time in this series.

I adore Patton's room and how each side gets their own corners. All the little details they add in, including the changing picture in the background, it really gives off that nostalgia feel they were going for.

What I love most about this episode is how (unlike some other episodes) they actually let the emotional moments sink in and don't throw in a joke immediately after. Like the ending is bittersweet, sad almost, and I love that they stuck with the mood up until the episode ended.

Not to say there weren't some jokes here and there (mostly in the first part) but once the mood shifts and things become more serious they let that mood stay. And when there are jokes they all work really well.

This is one episode I've actually watched the least out of season two, so it'll be interesting when I go watch it again to see if any of this holds up.

#6 Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning?

Honestly I only put this one above Moving On because Logan and Roman are my favorites.

This episode is actually one of the weaker ones, which hurts to say because again, favorite characters, but goodness it's all over the place. It feels like a precursor to POF and not in a good way.

Logan and Roman just basically argue back and forth throughout the whole episode, never seeing eye to eye with each other, to the point where I think think the writers realized they couldn't find a way to get these two to agree so they just had Thomas step in and be like, "You guys make a really good team!"

Dude, were you even paying attention? They never even reached a conclusion on their own. And even though they have their little moment at the end, it's all kinda ruined when nothing in their relationship changes.

Yes, in Learning New Things About Ourselves, they acknowledge that there's more work to be done in regards to them, which makes sense. People aren't going to suddenly change overnight.

Yet despite having come to some kind of understanding with each other twice now (both here and LNTAO) in the following episodes they still act like they hate each other! Heck Roman is downright nasty to him for seemingly no reason and I don't really blame him for it.

More like I think the writers just don't know how to develop their relationship and just aren't as interested in them as the others. Logan's been reduced to being Mr. Exposition and apparently Roman's personal issues aren't enough for him to carry a room episode on his own because they felt the need to introduce two new characters before he finally gets it.

Sorry, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the episode.

There's some funny bits here and there and the little animations are cute (even if unnecessary) but really it's only saving grace is being Roman and Logan centered.

Even though they felt the need to include a cameo from literally every other character because apparently no one has any faith that Logan and Roman can carry an episode on their own.

#5 The Sanders Sides 12 Days of Christmas

This episode is just pure fun. Look, I'm not a big fan of Christmas, even less of a fan of Christmas songs, but my gosh this episode almost makes me appreciate the season.

The way they're all just bickering the whole time, being very confused, and how there's just so much personality from each character even when they're not talking/singing and just being in the background is *chef's kiss* perfect.

There's so many fun little details to pick out during the song and it's fun to go back and watch how each side reacts to different things.

#4 Selfishness vs Selflessness

Gonna be real, this used to be my favorite episode. Until my overly critical brain started finding all kinds of problems in the writing department but I think I’ve been negative enough on this post so I’ll save it for another time. 

Janus steals the show in this one, it’s his first official appearance since his debut and he just soaks up the spotlight. It’s refreshing to have an antagonist in the show again, and he’s the perfect foil for each of the original Sides. 

He knows how to play into Roman’s insecurities, know how to feed into his ego and get him on his side. He’s in direct opposition to Patton, who believes that everything Janus represents is wrong. He’s able to silence Logan and take him out of the conversation, speaking over him most of the time. 

And I guess he and Virgil have some beef I dunno. 

The courtroom scenario is fun, and I love how Janus is the only one who sees how ridiculous it is (even though it was your idea in the first place, Jan) and everyone else seeing it as perfectly normal is hilarious. 

I do like some of the more dramatic moments in this episode, especially that final bit with Janus questioning Thomas until he finally gets him to admit the truth. It was intense and reminded me of the scene where Janus confronts Roman in a similar manner. 

While far from perfect this is still a good episode and I can find a lot to love about it, like Janus in a suit. 

#3 Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts

This episode scared the shit out of me and I loved it.

Okay it didn’t actually scare me. But I stayed up to wait for it to be posted, which wasn’t until 2 or 3 in the morning. So by the time I finally watched it I was half awake and not expecting anything that I witnessed. 

The result was me being terrified of Thomas with a mustache and it prevented me from sleeping. I was over it the next day though and had Forbidden Fruit stuck in my head all day. Which isn’t good when you’re running the register at work and you can’t stop singing it. 

There’s a lot of reason why I love this episode, Remus being the primary thing. His entrance is iconic, the first few notes from his theme play as he creeps up behind the TV, him smiling at Roman all creepily until he whacks him over the head and knocks him out for most of the episode. 

Then we get the song, Forbidden Fruit, which is just great. Slight secondhand embarrassment but seeing the finished product and all they put into it, I can’t help but love it. 

Still miffed that Janus hasn’t gotten a song... specifically a villain song... I won’t ever let that go...

Logan is another highlight in this episode (no surprise) and seeing him go head-to-head against his polar opposite without batting an eye was interesting since I was kinda expecting them to show Logan having trouble dealing with Remus but nope. He handled it like a champ and I love them both. 

Now I am kinda wary as to how they’re going to handle Remus in the future, especially with the intrusive thoughts aspect. It’s a sensitive topic and they’re already screwing up anxiety. But Remus has only been in one episode so far which means I can’t make any solid judgments until he’s appeared in more episodes, so I’ll have to wait and see. 

All in all, great episode! Definitely deserves to be in my top three. 

#2 Learning New Things About Ourselves

This episode made me feel so nostalgic. I freaking love puppets and grew up with Sesame Street and the Muppets, so I’m probably biased towards this episode but to me this is really one of the better written episodes. 

Perfect? Heck no. But really, really good. 

I love that we get to explore a bit more with Logan and Roman’s characters, in a lot of ways this is kind of a Logan episode which has him standing against the other Sides, and it’s really interesting to see just how different he is compared to the three of them and it could just be me but it seemed like he’s becoming more of an outsider and isn’t as close with the original four as he used to be, and this episode is what really kicks that idea off. 

I can also relate to the “Well that’s nice but what do you do for a living?” message, except in my case it’s more like I want to quit my “real job” to pursue what I’m passionate about while people tell me it’ll probably never happen or “Yeah that’s a nice hobby!” So this episode really struck close to home and I just have a lot of sentimental feelings towards this one. 

I love all of the designs for the puppets, they all just fit perfectly and I wouldn’t mind seeing them make a comeback one day. I know that’d be difficult since they’d need a professional to puppet them but hey, one can dream right?

And oh my gosh the song, it just gives off the same feel from Sesame Street and Muppet songs with it’s jazzy feel. And I won’t lie I flipped my lid when Logan and Thomas were in the same shot together. We hadn’t seen any of the Sides share the screen with Thomas yet and the fact that it was Logan, and he was arguing with Thomas and they were singing over each other? Ah I love it!

Also don’t get me started on how Logan’s bit in the song sounds more villainous than the others. I’m not saying anything just a neat little observation. 

I have a lot of happy feelings attached to this episode, so despite the few problems I have with it I could never bring myself to hate it. The only one that tops it is...

#1 Can Lying Be Good?

The episode that started it all. The one that caught my attention and sparked my new fixation on this little series that I had just glossed over before.

I really don’t know what prompted me to watch this episode, other than I wasn’t in the best place and it just happened to pop into my recommendations one day and I figured, “Huh, haven’t watched this guy for awhile. Let’s see what he’s been up to.”

Once the episode was finished my first thought was “Holy shit when did this series start having lore?!”

This episode is probably the closest thing to perfect out of all the season two episodes so far. The writing is clever, pretty much all of the jokes land, and oh my gosh the editing in this one is phenomenal. 

The way they show Roman shifting between himself and Joan throughout the episode is what sticks out the most. Having Roman’s voice coming from Joan, or having them briefly change back to Roman, I love it so much. 

Not to mention Thomas’s ever changing shirt that reflects what he’s thinking/feeling is a neat little detail.

Did I mention this episode is hilarious? The ridiculousness of each scenario that they act out, with all the little inputs from Logan and Virgil who are both trying their best to do their jobs besides not even wanting to be part of it in the first place is adorable. 

And of course, the man of the hour, Deceit. Or Janus as we now know him as. 

Is it weird that I like Deceit more as a name? Probably, but that’s just because I don’t like how early his name was revealed. 

Okay that was my last negative comment. Promise.

Now since I hadn’t watched Sanders Sides in a while I didn’t notice anything off about “Patton” during my first watch. But going back after seeing the rest of the series helped me catch all the little hints they added to clue in the audience that something wasn’t right. 

A lot of it is really subtle, mostly in the acting department, but once you’ve caught on to everything it makes you wonder how you didn’t notice the first time. You can even see Logan and Virgil throughout the episode, knowing that something is off with “Patton” but holding back their concerns until Virgil finally calls Deceit out. 

I’ve rewatched Deceit’s reveal so many times. When he finally drops the act after Thomas makes up his mind not to lie, you can just tell he no longer cares whether Thomas knows or not. Then things get even more tense when Logan is silenced, and everyone knows what’s going on except Thomas. 

The music starts to build up, Thomas is flipping out, then after Deceit taunts him again he finally demands to know what’s going on and BAM there he is!

I love everything about this. 

Like, what else can I say? This episode is brilliant. It really shows exactly what this team is capable of when they’re at their best. The pacing, the build up, the writing, all of it combined together to make the perfect episode.

Season Two has been, interesting. The long waits have caused some problems with the pacing and characters, not to mention the departure of Joan from the writing team with new writers entering the room, not to mention the first welcome now unwelcome arrival of Asides, and with only the season finale left before season three, it makes me wonder just where this series is headed.

I know this series is capable of doing incredible things, season one is still solid and it really holds up even after all this time. But season two just feels like a jumbled mess. Sure, it’s easy to enjoy the episodes individually, but once you try to fit them all together it’s like trying to jam a puzzle piece into a place where it doesn’t fit. 

The best way to describe this season is as an experimental season. Each episode has the team trying something new, sometimes it seems these gimmicks take precedence over the story itself. Of course, some of these can work to the episode’s advantage, while others are just distracting and you’d know you wouldn’t miss them if they were gone. 

It’s a mixed bag that’s for sure. One that has me watching in morbid curiosity as I wait to see whether it’ll crash in the end or blow my expectations out of the water. It really is fun to analyze these episodes, and yes I know I can be very harsh but believe it or not this is how I engage with media that I love.

My hope is that team will learn from season two and try to take a more simple approach with their production once season three roles around. Because if they continue at the same pace they are now I doubt there will be many people around to see this series through. 

And on that note, that was my ranking of season two! I’m actually kinda excited now to go back and rewatch everything, I hope I don’t have to wait much longer to do so but that all depends on when the season two finale comes. Whether it ends up exceeding my expectations or just being “meh” I know it’ll be interesting regardless and I can’t wait to see just how they plan on wrapping this all up before the final season arrives. 

[shyrose57]

2: I will figure it out eventually and that's a promise.

3: Watson is aboustely heart broken and near tears multiple times as well hearing Ran in so much distress and actually crying. Jackie does cry, he attempts multiple times to hug Ran and make it known he's there to comfort him, but it only works sometimes, and when it doesn't work Ran gets scared and tries to get away believing an attacker has gotten him. Grievous is almost like silently grieving, knowing he can't do anything to help his close friend. Cletus feels bad, and since he isnt too good with emotions, focuses on instead attempting to cheer everyone else up. Isaac and Benjamin feel awful as they feel at fault for letting it happen, so to hopefully help they make plans on how to make Ran as comfortable and safe as can be while also getting him to a nearby town they heard about to hopefully reverse it. Charles is doing his damn best to comfort Ran while also distracting him from his own thoughts, which mostly means Charles (and Watson) play the role of story teller for a while. Ranbob is the hardest hit by it, he's suffering so much because he so badly just wants to go over and hug his little brother and comfort him, tell him that it'll all be ok and that Bobby would protect him. But also knows he can't because he knows that would most likely do nothing but make it worse. For a while he spends his time blocking his ears and wrapped in a comfort blanket trying to comfort himself, as everyone else tend to his suffering brother. One thing that makes it harder is that Ran begins to purr to himself in a vain attempt to comfort himself (cause I personally like to think Enderman hybrids are like cats and purr like them, when their happy, content, comfortable, but also to soothe themselves and heal wounds), when Ranbob knows Ran's never purred, so knowing he's so desperate to try it now hurts him. 

You will get some comfort, like Watson manages to convince Ranbob to at least hug Ran, and Ranbob manages to purr alongside Ran a bit, which does actually help to calm Ran down. Ran getting wrapped up with the fluffiest blanket they have and always having Watson, Jackie, or Grievous by his side. With Jackie tending to hold his hand. 

4: All of the above. Sudden touch can be overwhelming to Ranbob at times, especially when he's not doing well mentally. Also while in this state, touch reminds him of the desperate grabbing and touching of the people he killed that tried to escape or fend him off. And Dream was able to hurt Ranbob by starving and dehydrating him of course, but when Ranbob was being particularly disobedient and tried to fight back Dream would often take control and cut or stab Ranbob then gave back control as punishment. 

10: It does get better! Idk if I already said but Kelalen is actually where they get the antidote for Rans blindness potion! And when their given it for free and it works, they become very grateful to Adler and Lucia (the one who actually convinced Adler to give them the potion in the first place cause it was the only one left). And a few days after they arrive they actually decide to explore the town, where they meet Siren and get more information on Dream and who he was, they also get their weapons and armor repaired by them. But while talking with Siren, Cletus and Grievous sneak off and run into Atlas, then Cletus and Grievous agree to help Atlas with his prank. But by the end of their second week in Kelalen the group starts to truly enjoy their stay, Ranbob often saying how it kind of reminds him of Mizu before everything happened. 

12: Thats funny though and is exactly how I'd want to be seen.

13: *CLAPS HANDS* OH BOY DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU. I RECENTLY TOLD MY FRIEND ABOUT RANBOB SEEING HIS DEAD FRIENDS AND FAMILY BUT FAILED TO TELL THEM IT WASNT ACTUALLY PART OF THE STORY. SO THEY TOOK IT LITTERALY AND THEY HAVE GIVEN ME IDEAS, WHILE ALSO HELPING ME REALIZE THAT THIS COULD ACTUALLY BE USED TO SET UP FOR RANBOB MOVING PAST HIS TRAUMAS AND CAN LEAD TO MORE FLUFF AND ANGST. SO NOW IT IS PART OF THE STORY, WITH CHANGES THAT IT HAPPENED DURING A DREAM AND HE DIDNT BELIEVE IT AND CONSIDERED IT A CRUEL JOKE BY FATE ITSELF AT FIRST. AND YES BY AT FIRST I MEAN THIS HAPPENS MANY MORE TIMES.

Also my friend has a message for you, "HahA THEY BETTER THANK ME I SET THEM UP FOR MORE MISERY 😈😈 /j" (I wanna be safe so if you don't know /j means that their joking)

14: Im not doing Foolish and Dream brothers because I personally don't like/get it. But I was thinking maybe they meet Foolish after Mripat tells them that there was a member of the SMP who was said to be a god and immortal. And after some long conversations they decide to go hunt for this apparently immortal god. Which takes a while since no one actually knows where he is, just that he likes deserts, and have to go off possible sightings or hints in history books. And when they finally meet him they manage to learn about totems (which they previously didn't know about) and even get some. They also learn that infact even during the SMP time no one quite knew what Dream was, and learns the ways the SMP tried to permanently get rid of him. Foolish is also devastated to know that Dream infact survived and becomes determined to help them. Even offering his help that if they ever go back to Mizu to face Dream, he'll come along and help in anyway he can. 

15: I like to imagine Edward remembers Ranboo as the young troubled enderman that he basically adopted and took care of. So Edward sees Ranboo in both Ran and Ranbob, so he offers his help and advice. Basically becoming their Grandad, telling stories about everything he's seen. Especially about Ranboo because Ranbob is so curious about his ancestor he just cant help but ask. One convo I've been particularly thinking about goes something like, "Edward: Older one, what do you think your brother thinks about you? Ranbob: I..I think he doesnt like me, and that he wants me gone. Edward: Hmm, your wrong. Ranbob: What? Edward: When I look at Ran, I see a child, not an adult yet, scarred, scared and traumatized. A child that wishes you two were closer, that he could forgive you and wants to believe you, just so you two could be family again. But is afraid too, for he already has a family, that he is terrified of losing, and is scared if he attempts to trust you again that they may leave him. But make no mistake, your brother wants to make amends, your brother cares about you and wants you happy. He knows deep down that he can trust you, and that you are innocent, but you all must help him acknowledge those parts, and stand by him, helping him walk when needed, as he traverses his own nightmares." AKA I really want Edward to be the reason Ranbob realizes that Ran does want to be family again but needs help. Cause if I had to describe the brothers current positions with their trauma it'll be, Ranbob-Knows he has trauma and is trying to get better and live with it, willingly getting help. Ran-Is fucking drowning in trauma cause he refuses to acknowledge he has it and hides it well most of the time, also doesn't ask for help. 

2: I fear the day.

3: Hahaha, ow, ow, ow. That, overall, is...heartbreaking. At the same time though, it’s sweet to see everyone pitching in to do their best and help him. We got it with Ranbob, now we get it with Ran.

I am curious, though. From what you’ve said, Blindness potions don’t wear off immediately? Why’s that?

4: *Chants* Please punch Dream. Please punch Dream. Please punch Dream. How do the fishermen deal with this, and help Ranbob?

10: Oh, god, Ran’s blind when they arrive in town. That’s definitely a high tension situation. Not only have you got him out of commission, but everyone else high strung from it, and probably having their protective instincts in overdrive when they randomly get treated hostilely. What exactly does an antidote for blindness consist of? Do most potions have antidotes, or counters? Is milk no longer used, or is that not a thing in the AU? It does sound nice that they all end up making friends later on though. How does Ran adjust to having his sight back? And, y’know, having everyone see him like that, and his brother comfort him(if they aren’t on good terms at this point, the timeline’s confusing me a bit)

12: Throughout this conversation, every time I read something sad, the image struck me, and honestly, it’s what you deserve. If these keeps up, I’m gonna start inserting these little 🏹s every time you hurt my heart. 

13: I’m being conspired against. Does everyone see this? Brothers Anon and their friend are conspiring to break my heart. Such gremlins. What did I ever do to you two?

Also, you can tell your friend that from this point on, I will closely associate them with a tiny, purple, cackling imp. 

14: Huh. Why do they want to find Foolish? Curiosity? To learn more about the Smp? About Dream? Sounds like it has a lot of potential to be quite the interesting encounter. And, since they didn’t previously know about the totems, they probably wouldn’t notice if one activated in a certain situation where it’s popped...do with that what you will.

15: Anon, I love all of this. Tell me more about Grandpa Edward. Does he fondly look back to Ranboo being polite and quiet while Ranbob and Ran cause havoc in the background? Does he bake them snacks and tell them about Ranboo’s adventures, and how much he loved to mine-which, in hindsight, is kind of funny, considering you just mentioned that so few people follow Skeppy because of the mining, but apparently their ancestor did that thing for fun.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3, episodes 7-13 thoughts! cannot believe im finishing this series so fast. ...cannot believe it ended like that...uh. one of the weirdest finales to a show I think I've seen, it really stood out against the rest of the series, and not in a good way, in my opinion. I paused to yell in caps lock...several times, I think, out of anger... BUT. ANYWAY, HERE WE GO.

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-the fentons putting the kids to Work in the lab, with NO SAFETY GEAR. AT ALL. THEY JUST GOT BACK FROM SCHOOL AND ARE TIRED!!! and when jack asked how danny his day was and danny tried to say it was bad jack cut him off :( for the 400th time, i am stealing these kids.

-maddie and jack IMMEDIATELY SELLING THEIR LAB AND WORK FOR A LOT OF MONEY. and danny cant get into the portal anymore, oh no!!! he could always just steal vlads I Guess.

-THEY ARE VLADS NEW NEIGHBOR. OH MY GOD. this is a sitcom format. a butler came with the new mansion. i would absolutely try a kiwi fudge milkshake, why is the butler disgusted.

-the..guys in white bought the lab to shoot a missile. into the ghost zone thru the portal. bro i hate these guys

-jazz straight up setting her new bedroom up in the library. i am very very jealous

-"RATED E, FOR ENTRAILS"

-I like how the 14 year olds very quickly realize if the giw destroy the ghost zone itll destroy OUR ZONE because its just. like. the other side of the quarter so to speak. and the giw, a fully funded government agency, didnt consider that...(or worse, are willing to risk that anyway...)

-a...graphic novel version of the constitution? what in the world have you been READING SAM

-'cool, I always wanted to be called a meddling kid!' scooby doo reference...

-can they keep the butler. I love him.

-ecto latte....I also want to try that. is ectoplasm edible...

-YESS I KNEW DANNY WOULD USE VLAD'S PORTAL. vindicated.

-DANNY WHY DIDNT YOU JUST ASK JOHNNY NICELY. STEALING HIS BIKE IS SO SO RUDE.

-youngblood is also into astronaut stuff, thats really cute. and him being like 'phantom, dude!! :D' ALL EXCITED. THATS ADORABLE.

-the slapstick comedy of the giw slipping and falling and running into shit in the lab. is funny, but also, because this lab has NOOO safety codes in practice. god its a wonder dannys the only one to have died here...

-JOHNNY, SKULKER AND YOUNGBLOOD HELPING DANNY!!! I keep saying it but the other ghosts helping him. is my fav thing in the world. and, it's a really good thing the missile in the real world was harmless...otherwise the fentons wouldn't have had a home/lab to come back to...

-WULF WANTED POSTER!!! we havent seen wulfy in so long :( very funny the box ghost is offended by how much these ghosts are wanted for. first off, what do ghosts even DO WITH MONEY. does the ghost zone have its own currency??? what are ghosts BUYING

-the box ghost is So Funny, im so glad hes still got his bubble wrap. u are VERY wanted in THIS house box ghost. you are SO scary king. dont give up on ur dreams

-this needs to be a meme format. I made a transparent version, very very messily, for future use.

-this is a Fellow and a Friend

-box ghost accidentally bringing lunch for everyone, and giving people at the mall free shoes. SHOES ARE SO EXPENSIVE, ID BE SO GRATEFUL. helpful king. i feel SO bad for him lmao, he's putting in SO much effort. he wants the evil aesthetic So bad but hes Just Too Silly. I understand your plight, box ghost....

-oh my god. pandoras BOX. 'THOSE OF US IN THE BOX TRADE' HOW MANY ARE IN THIS BOX TRADE. I WANT IN. pandora is a multi-armed ghost goddess and i love her.

-SKULKER WHY ARE YOU RUNNING FROM THE EVIL UNICORN?? YOURE A HUNTER!! JUST SHOOT IT!!!!!!! JUST HUNT IT!!!

-box ghost...where did you get the cowboy hat. I respect it, i just want to know

-JAZZ COMING IN WITH THE BAZOOKA TO FIGHT THE 10 HEADED DRAGON!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! and the rest of the fentons I Guess

-ignoring the sam/danny moments. I simple do not see them.

-...why doesnt danny just fly over the maze. or do the whole 'real world people act as ghosts in the ghost zone' and turn back!!! I know its just to show off the ghost greek monster designs. but STILL.

-danny being like. um. hi pandora. i found your box. >< polite...PANDORA IS SO GIANT. GIANT GHOST WOMAN. SHES GOING TO BEAT BOX GHOSTS ASS. another ghost thats nice to danny to add to the list :) and HER FORCING BOX GHOST TO APOLOGIZE. and having sandwiches with danny after making box ghost clean up. I LOVE HER.

-DANNYS 'BEWARE' AT THE END JAKHDJFKN

-okay, when dash pulled out danny's seat and was calling him buddy, for half a second I was like 'this is a prank, hes gonna pull it back' BUT THEN FRIGHT KNIGHT MY BELOVED IS BACK. AND EVERYONE STARTS CHANTING FOR DANNY TO BEAT HIS ASS WITH GHOST POWERS AND DANNY DOES WAY TOO EASILY, and im like, yup, this is a dream LMAO

-danny is getting an A+ in science :) my smart son

-DANNY WAKING UP FROM THE DREAM RIGHT BEFORE KISSING SAM AND BEING LIKE 'that was a dream...no, a NIGHTMARE!' same. not to be a hater but, shouldve been val. maybe I am a hater

-...danny running and checking the 'tapes'...why is his whole house constantly being recorded. hes been in ghost form/fights plenty of times in his house. does he have to run and wipe the tapes after?? every single time?? god

-letting this image speak for itself

-this is SO cursed

-NOCTURN'S DESIGN FUCKS SO HARD. the Venice mask vibes. also his space pattern not moving while the rest of his animation does is big chowder vibes. but this guy is basically the sandman but Evil, huh. I love dream plots. also, nocturn's design feels very similar to clockwork, like, red eyes and a scar over the same eye, but also just the purple, and the Cosmic Vibes. I want to see them fight. anyway nocturn's va was also avatar roku AND alfred in several batman cartoons.

-the 'sleepwalkers' designs were super cute in shape (kinda remind me of oogie boogie! pillow-cased shaped, which is appropriate for the 'king of dreams's minions) until I looked closer at their eyes. why do they look sewn shut!! (they open their eyes a few times, so they aren't, but they look like it...)

-I like how this show has been pretty consistent (with a few exceptions) about a Ghost Being Huge (or getting larger) = Very Powerful

-2 months of summer camping??? wtf, do camping things usually take that long?? I've never been to a camping...thing like that. but isnt that basically their entire summer??

-'the entirety of nature is your bathroom!' and thats why I do no camping despite loving nature LMAO.

-sam, at least TRY TO BE NICE TO THE OTHER GIRLS YOU'RE GOING TO BE SHARING A CABIN WITH. also, the amount of times people in this show have their SHOES ON THE BED!!! IM DISGUSTED

-swamp creature Is A Ghost. Big Foot is a Ghost. starting to think in this universe, every single cryptid or legend is a Ghost Actually

-paulina crying not only because star is missing, but because SHE FORGOT HER SUNBLOCK AND SHE BURNS SO EASILY!!!! okay girlfriends

-ghost cops are the real monsters at the camp. i.......I mean. fair. no one missed you walker

-WULF!!!!!!!!!!! WULF IS BACK!!!!!!!! MY FRIEND WULF :D MI AMAS VIN!!!!! kaj danny lernis Esperanto :)

-'relax kid, we arent here to do any harm' *immediately shoots danny* yeah. ghost cops. and also danny bringing walker 'wulf' and walker IMMEDIATELY SUCKING DANNY IN A THERMOS. FUCK OFF

-haha walker Bald. and haha walker Frozen Now

-the fenton thermos can...reverse its polarity to close portals? okay

-LIBERA MIA AMIKO. :")

-ohhh they end the ep with them star gazing, thats pretty cute...

-dani is back! ...with a new voice actress? wiki says AnnaSophia was in 3 diff movies in 2007 when this aired, so she was probably too busy... (including, bridge to terabithia aka the movie that ripped my heart out that I mentioned in the first ep Dani was in...kinda wanna rewatch it now)

-shes still scared of vlad, who's still being creepy and spying on her. 'shes hardly going to come home to daddy!' I WONDER WHY. also does vlad's cat look more evil than last time? love the concept of him going shopping for cats and being like 'give me your most EVILEST looking cat, please, so I can pet it in my spinny chair dramatically!' ...oh god white cat hair on his black suit. I have a black cat and her hair is still way too noticeable..

-vlad has a big 'valerie' button in his office. can he be pressing that button every episode, thanks

-'theres a GIRL called dani phantom?' yeah valerie. no relation, obviously, even with her looking EXACTLY like danny. so sad valerie just wants to help her dad and her get out of the place theyre in now and vlad using her. ill MAUL HIM

-dani having to STEAL FOOD. :( and valerie immediately being like oh poor kid :(( and trying to help her!!! and then dani immediately helping valerie!! this episode is starting SO well

-...and then valerie catching her. DAMN IT. and being surprised dani knew danny?? HELLO VALERIE I KNOW YOURE SMARTER THAN THIS. I AM SO SORRY THEY WROTE YOU THIS WAY. I STILL LOVE AND BELIEVE IN U !!!

-valerie lying her ASS off for a chance at gettin danny. ok <3 also 'they couldnt catch a ghost if it was living under their own roof' JSDHKJHNK

-danny. why dont you just tell valerie!! this would be so much easier if he was direct. there is NO way valerie would hurt danny (fenton) she'd be HORRIFIED. esp since she got on board helping dani!!

*is held* :)

-look at valerie and danny. flying together. about to go beat vlads ass together <333

-DANI SCREAMING AS VLAD IS MELTING HER. WHAT THE FUCCCK

-...fucking vlad convincing valerie hes a good dude with his stupid duplication. FUCK. DANNY JUST TELL H E R

-jesus christ how many times has danny had to watch loved ones die. even if she didnt stay perma-dead. glad they fixed her...

-valerie and dani pranking danny when he came out, oh :( cute...them havin fun and laughing together...babies

-BUT THEYRE JUST LETTING DANI LEAVE, AGAIN??? SHE WAS PREVIOUSLY STEALING FOOD. CHRIST GIVE HER A PLACE TO LIVE. OR A FAMILY. actually, I think it'd be really cute if, since danny isnt ready to out himself, dani went and lived with valerie?? dunno if her dad would have the money but,, it'd be a cute concept. big sis valerie...

-'tomorrow, it's game on!' 'and ill be ready to play!' THE FLIRTING....DANNY/VALERIE REAL

-oh my god,, valerie found out about vlad in the end. But he doesn’t know she knows!!! the DRAMA!!! HOLY SHIT THAT ENDING.

-this episode was. SO Much and probably one of my favorites out of s3. (I mean, there has been a gross lack of valerie this whole season, so thats not a hard choice to make...)

-FINALE EPISODE TIME.

-the title screen looks different! so no title card...

-vlad has his own fucked up satellite that looks like him?? okay. why does the animation look so different?? are they mixing cg in?? for what. anyway, vlad and the gang in SPACE. danny is 100% living his astronaut dreams rn

-'defeating frostbite' YOU BETTER NOT HAVE. YOU STOLE HIS COOL MAP. FUCK YOU VLAD

-wait oh my god. vlad is the final series boss, isn't he. I half expected a fake out, for another boss to show up midway, and for him to finally have to have a real truce with danny for this ep. ITS THE FINALE. VLAD FEELS SO UNDERWHELMING.

-And it's like-- his character isn't bad, i just feel like..he has more potential! they WANT him to seem like some smart super evil genius, but the way he's written makes that SO hard to believe...but the solid backstory and design is THERE and its FRUSTRATING.

-...DANNY CALLING VLAD OUT SAYING HE NEEDS THERAPY LMAOO THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING.

-my grandpa technus is in the finale too :) 'well look on the bright side, at least im not downloading them illegally!' he says while stealing dvds. feels like hes calling me out. im watching this series on a bootleg website lmao. anyway, him turning the tech into a transformer. love that

-mASters BLASters sTOp diSAsterS shut the fuck up. you will never be valerie or danny. bite chomp kill. violence

-like this if u crie everytiem

-my god the 3d/cgi mixed in looks SO BAD IT DIDNT AGE WELL AT ALL

-the white stripe in dannys hair kinda rules tho. did he just KILL HIS GHOST HALF??? 'revert his human half back to normal' UM. you ever unkill yourself. why are his friends/jazz so mad about it, he'll be in a lot less danger!! christ. they can still hunt ghosts!! as humans!! if they want to!! hes 14 if he wanted to be normal. let him. vlads stupid little team has things COVERED apparently. why are they acting like this. jazz would never act like this. is this fake whats going ON

-oh my god jack was in a college band. vlad was also in the band. what did instruments they play. i didnt need that headline to tell me they sucked, but i want to KNOW MORE REGARDLESS

-valerie was here for 0.3 seconds.

-sam calling danny selfish. the audacity. no one is stopping YOU from hunting ghosts, girl. valerie does it!!

-I'm halfway through the episode and incredibly underwhelmed so far.

-why would they send jack and 3 teens to space to destroy the asteroid. why not professional astronauts. not even the 3 teens that have already been to space this episode...

-jack getting beat up by teenagers. ON TV. IN SPACE. I GUESS. I GUESS EVERYONE AGREED TO SEND JACK BECAUSE..VLAD SAID SO? we know it was to embarrass jack, but why would everyone agree. why didnt any other space program Do More or whatever, they sent like, 3 rockets/missiles tops?? no way

-danny attempting to punch vlad in the face. i WISH HE WOULDVE LANDED THAT HIT.

-vlad outed himself on live tv, on purpose? and BLASTED AT THE TEENAGERS HE HIRED. LMAO. HES HOLDING THE WORLD HOSTAGE, MAKING THEM PAY HIM BILLIONS TO STOP THE STUPID ASTROID. THATS YOUR GRAND PLAN??? REALLY. REALLY. im like. lmfao

-jack just now, on the last episode GETTING TOLD HE MADE VLAD A GHOST. THIS SHOULDVE HAPPENED WAY SOONER. jack's reaction was one of the only times in this entire show hes seemed human. 'an old friend? no. you? yes.' GET HIS ASSSS ACTUALLY. HE STRAIGHT UP LEFT VLAD IN SPACE. GOD DAMN. that is a Murder! I mean, I guess vlad could fly back to earth, but...I mean, he'll have to, right? no food in space. (that we KNOW of...)

-'thE WHolE EArtH, INTangiBLe?!' oh my god.

-...the white strand of hair somehow still had ghost dna, I guess, and getting blasted turned him back into phantom. I GUESS. I GUESS.

-the fentons being the first to clap for danny despite not knowing hes phantom...that was sweet. and very sudden character development, not at all gradual over the course of time or episodes like it probably should have been...

-sam and danny kissing. IT SHOULDVE BEEN VALERIE, BUT OKAY, I GUESS. also, its a little underwhelming, considering theyve kissed already...

-ALL of the ghosts being ready to beat danny's ass? really. no they wouldn't, they've worked together before, and some of those ghosts are friendly!! cringe. why is the last ep written like this. I mean they came thru at the last minute but. was really cringing for a minute there, why did they write it like that

-valerie is there for another 0.3 seconds! ....she should've been more involved. dani is also there! for also like 0.3 seconds. almost fast enough to miss. (btw, I think shes still homeless at this point, are, we going to...do ANYTHING ABOUT THAT IN THE LAST 5 MINS OF THE SHOW)

-the cgi smoke or whatever it is. this whole post is me saying the cgi is bad, but IT IS.

-'danny or should we say. DAAANNNNY.' this is like the 3rd or 4th time hes been outed damn, but to the whole world, again. and valerie saw, and is just. an extra in the bg clapping. bro im so mad.

-TUCKER IS THE NEW MAYOR? WHAT THE FUCK?? HES 14.

-i think. this is still linked to the dream ep a few times ago. hes still dreaming. this is a plot a 14 year old would write. this feels like a bad fanfic. so much got rushed, and not tied up. vlad wasnt really even the villain this episode, a fucking. non-being asteroid was.

-they kiss again. ok. sure. whatever at this point.

-VLAD IS NOW A FREE-ROAMING SPACE NOMAD. I GUESS. THATS. SURE. WHATEVER. THE END, I GUESS. cannot believe I'm saying this, but: they did vlad dirty.

-IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE HIM A VILLAIN, MAKE HIM A VILLAIN!!! DON'T MAKE IT A METEOR!!! STOP BEING WISHY WASHY WHO WANTS TO SEE DANNY VS ASTEROID!!! I didnt even WANT vlad to be the final villain because his character is SO back and forth (esp this season.) but he has done some FUCKED UP SHIT AND I WANTED THE WRITERS TO DOUBLE DOWN, PERSONALLY, IF THEY HAD TO MAKE HIM THE FINAL BOSS. the cabin ep where he basically held danny and maddie hostage? FUCKED. THE DANI THING? FUCKED. FUCKING COMMIT AND MAKE HIM ACTUALLY SCARY OR HAVE HIM FUCK OFF AND AGREE TO A TRUCE!! WHAT IS THIS DYING IN SPACE NONSENSE. (and, he will (fully) die out there, right? still half human, still needs food and water. I imagine he'll like, slowly half-die but this time his human side is dying. will he come back 100% ghost? we dONT KNOW. WE DONT GET TO SEE, ITS PLAYED LIKE SOME FUNNY THING AT THE END, THEN THATS IT!!! WHAT!!!)

-I don't know how to articulate how FRUSTRATING THAT IS. having him basically out himself and ''hold the world hostage'' does not track at all in my brain. like. he's always been scary because he is HUMAN, TOO. like, if he was 100% ghost, he'd be LESS scary, but vlad MASTERS has more power and influence than vlad PLASMIUS because of his position as mayor, his money, too, and his (supposed, s3 made me doubt it) intelligence/manipulation skills, and his being in good graces with jack made it HARD FOR DANNY. him outing himself for,, money and to 'control the world' i guess?? MONEY WAS NEVER HIS LIKE, MAIN GOAL. yeah obv he likes money and is materialistic and values his Rich Life, but hes got billions, the end goal? 1. getting maddie (and or danny as his son, but to me he always treated that as secondary) 2. ruining jack. this feels like they wanted to say 'oh he just wants POWER' which is. HMM?? OKAY?? obv he /does/ want power (usually over certain ppl, tho), but seeing him try to get it like this FELT WEIRD SOMEHOW. weird like the ep where he tried and failed to take over various historical civilizations, because like,, how is that realistically going to do anything for him?? just, being in that time forever and never seeing maddie aka Goal #1 again?? HELLO??? this was like that, but worse

-this was such a weird ending to an entire show. why did season 3 only have 13 episodes?? why did it feel so weirdly paced?? WHY WAS THE ENDING LIKE THAT. I think. I am going to pretend I did not see that. fucked up, dudes. I'm like...hm. I shouldn't have watched that because now I'm mad. valerie sweetie im SO sorry you shouldve been more present. it felt like..if they knew this season was going to be short, and the last season, they should've spent more time wrapping up EVERYONE'S plot lines for the entire season. imagine how cool it wouldve been if every single ep of season 3 was working towards something, a big, nice wrap up at the end, with nothing feeling TOO rushed because they'd been heading towards the End for the whole season....

I will probably end up writing a follow up full series thoughts post. In a couple of days so I can sit with my thoughts. BUT. overall, I really liked the show! (ignoring the finale and some of the moments that aged pretty poorly...) it was charming and a fun concept and very fun to watch in general :) and I am pretending the finale didnt happen <3 and I’m gonna dive RIGHT into the dp tags and mix fanart and posts in my queue, very excited to run and look at that 🏃🏻 (and, of course, make more fanart myself hehe >:3)

[planetjisungie]

détester- l.dh

characters; slytherin! haechan x gryffindor! reader ft. gryffindor! mark (its just a given at this point) and slytherin! jisung

summary; enemies to lovers, you and donghyuck had always just hated eachother. you dont know when it started, or why it started but it was starting to get annoying.

an; i WILL finish my hogwarts series tonight we only have chenle left but now we have more fluff than actual crack because simon says is playing

congratulations you have reached gryffindor level you lucky prick

only the finest gryffindor

you are the embodiment of courage, literally if there was a ditch and someone fell down while everyone was too scared to help them, youd dive in before they could even say ‘dumbledore’

and you just so happen to be the younger sister of mark lee

the infamous mark lee,, that is

lucky prick part 2

but one thing made you seem not so lucky

your sworn enemy, lee donghyuck

or haechan as he liked to be called because apparently all evil villains needed a fake name

thats what you said anyway, he just liked the name haechan for its meaning

but he was also the emodiment of a slytherin, ambitious, cunning, resourceful and he was a pretty damn good leader

hence him being the captain of the quidditch team (no we are not going down the jisung route)

you didnt actually know when you started hating him, in your first year he had just decided to tie your poor, poor cat like a pig for roasting (he was in his second year already)

mr snuggles was traumatized

after that day it was small things to annoy you

like when he put hair dye in your conditioner bottle, resulting in your hair turning out a seafoam green colour

which you actually didnt mind so the joke was really on him, you pulled that shit off

or when he put spiders in your school shoes

that was unpleasant

and he also put a cockroach in your pocket, scaring your poor best friend who was terrified of the creatures

jisung was shaking, he hates cockroaches

to this day you still didnt know why he was a slytherin, but you guessed it was because he was a pureblood, very ambitious and resourceful but not so scary

but today was no exception

you walked towards the gryffindor table, robe billowing behind you as if you were walking in a movie

you were a lee sibling, you were both good at literally everything and deserved all the praise on earth

you fucking go girl, i stan

jisung sat at your table, the gryffindors appeared not to mind, especially as he was actually super nice

"y/n haechan told me to give you this"

ah there it was

the small hufflepuff girl handed you the letter before scurrying off back to her table

"y/n im scared"

jisung was already frightened of what that letter would hold

and you were a good friend, who knew no good would come from that letter

so you shoved it in your pocket, letting it crumple up before turning back to your breakfast

rip donghyuck

that was a fat L for our boy

he just wanted your attention

at first at least, he just wanted to be noticed by you so he pulled the cat stunt, making sure he didn’t actually harm the creature because he is still a decent human being and the grey furry animal did nothing to him

but now he had taken things too far

and he realised that after the stunt he pulled which resulted in you

yes, you, the brave, courageous gryffindor, crying

yeah he fucked up

he casted an illusion spell that infiltrated your sleep, creating nightmares with your deepest fears

and he regretted that

prank gone wrong *nearly killed her* (not clickbait)

you were still pissed at him for that

but that letter in your pocket was no ordinary letter

it was a confession letter, because he; yes him, the infamous slytherin, was too scared to talk to you about it in person

yet you literally just crushed his heart

which he kinda deserved to be fair

but jisung sent you a grateful smile and you went back to your conversation of which cereal brand was better

the answer is obviously lucky charms or frosted shreddies pengers mate

so our baby slytherin needed to find another way to get his feelings across because he was failing

and brother mark was: not happy

mark was a friend of haechan but despite his complaints every goddamn time that he needed to stop his stupid jokes that weren’t actually jokes, he didnt listen

maybe he shouldve listened

mark knows best

apart from jenos fic, mark was a real bitch but this is mark 2.0

mark really doesnt know best

anyways moving on

its time for innovative hyuck™️

so its back to the drawing room, sitting next to yuta (his head boy) to discuss the next plan of action

cutie yuta felt that haechan opening up to him about his feelings was the biggest achievement during his time at hogwarts

so right, the next plan

it was to leave flowers on your bed and then when you turned around to see who put them there (hypothetically) he would be there and he could make his outstanding apology

but of course, this isnt some fanfiction where everything goes right

who do you take me for?

so later that day he gathered his flowers, tying them in a cute dark green ribbon

staying with the slytherin theme

and he put them on your bed

they were some seriously nice flowers

you noticed them as soon as you walked in and your heart swelled

unfortunately that wasnt the only thing that swelled

you were allergic to pollen, and your eyes had puffed up slightly, itching a little and you had some sniffles

that was another L for hyuck

and he ran, he fucking booked it out of his little hiding spot back to his common room aka the dungeon

"YUTA I FAILED"

"how the fuck do you fail giving someone flowers hyuck?"

"shes fucking allergic"

so you never found out who gave you flowers

but

but you did keep them, despite your obvious physical irritation to them

they were pretty :(((

so you pressed them into a random notebook you found, because seriously you couldnt just chuck them out

unfortunately for hyuck, he was not so slick to mark who narrowed his eyes on the boy

he knew something was up

what kind of torture device was flowers ?? this was too soft

and so he found out that the same boy who had been making your life a little

how should i say

s p i c y

had a fat crush on you and was just a pouty baby who wanted your love and attention

cute

mark didnt know whether to support this?? like ?? he knew that underneath your front of disliking the long legged boy, you had some feelings, maybe small but they were there

you wouldve called it fondness

because

i promise youre not a sadist or masochist

but you would see him in class

he was very focused and had a beautiful smile

and laugh

he may come across a little... stand offish and arrogant at first but hes actually a kind soul

from how he made a mess in the grand hall but when he thought everyone was gone, he stayed behind to help clean it, having fun conversations with the staff (elves? who tf cleans the great hall??)

that goddamn melodious laughter constantly ringing in your head

shawtys like a melody in my head

but moving on

you noticed the pranks he pull decreased

and that was because he was spending time with yuta and mark, planning the perfect, foolproof (unfortunately not jeno this time) way to confess

and he sent you small smiles ?? what ??

this is so unlike the hyuck you knew

like he did a 180

i did a full 180 baby crazy

i said this was gonna be less crackish but when regular comes on and you hear jaehyuns queso line you cant not feel qUirKy

(bbq- bb—s mY DIAMONDS I DONT NEED NO LIGHT TO SHINE- jungwoo)

okay so the next plan

you loved quidditch too, mainly because your brother was the captain for the gryffindor team

so the plan was for you to attend the slytherin v gryffindor match and

mark somewhat willingly agreed to have a friendly match so that hyuck could show off his skills

this was an awful plan

because it was raining the day of the match

so you and jisung huddled together for warmth, shivering as you watched the match

and hyuck couldnt feel worse, he felt like you were now going to be sick because of him

damn, you really couldnt catch a break

the groan of pure frustration yuta let out was amusing at least

he was just as invested in this as haechan at this point

like he was germinating a seed??? he was fathering this relationship

so with another L, haechan felt super super bad

and this baby cooked for you

he got his best friend jaemin to teach him how to make chicken soup

because you were actually not a herbivore

(thats the category i put vegans and vegetarians in)

omnivore tings

so he carried his little pot of soup, his fingers kind of burning as it was piping hot

he legit walked right past a suffering jisung in the slytherin dorm, the pot of soup still in hand not even sparing a thought about taking pity on the poor kid and giving him some

so he walked to your dorm, being let in by mark who was being big bro™️ and looking after your sick ass

you looked dead

pale skin, eyes closed, lips tinted blue, your body was shivering but you felt fucking boiling

peak peak times

but haechan still thought you looked gorgeous

mark vacated the dorms, leaving to his lessons so hyuck could look after you

this wasnt a plan ?? but hyuck rolled with it

setting his lil pot down he sat in a seat next to you, staring at your asleep awake form with closed eyes

his eyes held so much love and adoration for you, you really are lucky

he took off his robe, just sitting there in his shirt, trousers and green tie and watching you sleep

you were actually awake, just vibing and breathing to stay alive

and he had a lot on his chest

"i know ive been a massive prick to you and im really sorry. i know you’re asleep right now but im too much of a coward to say this to your face. i really only just wanted your attention because i seem to have feelings for you and i am sincerely sorry for going about it the wrong way"

your ears were {}

wide open

boy were you listening and taking this all in

oh shit

realizashun xx

so you fluttered your eyes open gently, watching his face morph into an expression of pure terror from his previous one of literal love

*whipping noise*

"youre awake!" he squeaked out, eyes darting around the room to look at anything but you

which you couldnt help but smile at

shifting to the side in your bed slightly, you lifted the covers, lazily patting the now open space

"c’mere"

your voice was kind of croaky and hoarse

that made hyuck feel guilty

baby it wasn’t your fault

but he complied, kicking off his leather school shoes and sliding besides you, staying as far away from you as possible

not to offend you, his heart was just going a million miles a second and there was no way you wouldn’t be able to hear it

this boy was like blushy sausage face part 2

arrogant hyuck has left the chat

you pouted seeing him shuffle away from you, shuffling to move yourself closer instead

power move, he either had to cuddle with you or fall off the bed

"can we just forget what i said earlier?"

that made you frown

the fuck?

hell no

"hyuck wait-"

"no dont bring it up its embarrassing"

whiny baby is back

"hyuck i-"

"nope nope nope nope"

"LET ME SPEAK FOR FUCKS SAKE"

he had no choice but to listen

your voice sounded strained already and he didnt want to make you feel worse

"i have feelings for you too you big baby"

double take

you what now?

haechans mouth just kinda froze open

so you shut his jaw gently

cant let him get jaw ache

"wait what?"

his soul has returned

he felt elated, completely happy, dare i say like he was high on a drug and said drug was not THC it was your TLC (LMAO GET IT IM PROUD OF THAT)

and so thats how mark returned to your dorm room to see you and hyuck cuddled in your bed, your head laying on his chest as his chin rested on your head, nuzzling into your hair (which was still half seafoam green might i add)

hyuck wasnt awake to celebrate, so yumark had their own small celebration, counting this as their success

you only found out he had put the flowers on your bed about two months after you started dating

a month after that you read the letter he gave you

[idjitlili]

The toy store

A request.

I hope this is what you want ,my dude. When i got it was like damn  gotta write this now ahhhh, I started writing this at 00:26 am.finished at 2:14  Anyways here you are. i tried , i hope it is what you wanted xx

summary:imagine visting Bofur's shop often with your kid brother ,but you cannot help but find him attractive,in which thats exactly why you keep bringing your brother as an excuse to see him.

wordcount:1363

y/b/n=your brothers name if you dont have brother ,uhh your brother is named jared.

Your parents had had you very young ,and decided to wait a while until they were able to afford another child,that wasnt until you were 10. You were now an adult ,but you still lived with your parents because they would have to travel often due to their work,so you would look after your brother, y/b/n. You enjoy that as you could make whatever you wanted for dinner , take him out . In which you would take him to this toy shop,ran by a dwarf and his brothers,he would work in shop three days a week,and he's the exact reason you go there so much.

You would only go during those three days, you would always get your brother small everytime,with the money that your parents gave you. You didnt have anything else to spend it on other than clothes ,but you didnt need anymore ,plus you got see Bofur,yes you knew his name. Plus you liked seeing your brothers excitement when he got to pick a toy,he had so many because of you.

Your parents had left yesterday,for a week or two trip,your mother had suspected there was a reason you would always happily take care your brother.she had followed you and your brother to the toy shop ,only to see you talk a dwarf while your brother placed the toy on the counter. You had pulled your money gently from your pocket ,counting the right amount before offering it to Bofur. He smiled widely at you,shaking his head no, you looked at him confused.

"Miss y/n, you are always here ,this one is on me." he sent a soft smile to you,gently pushing your coin filled hand away,a blush covers your cheeks ,as you put the money back in your pocket. You mother watched from outside,smirking knowing exactly why went to the toy shop so often,she wanted grandchild desperately ,even though her son was still a child. She knew you wouldn't make the first move,so she would push it to happen.

"are you sure? i do-""really its on me ,anything for my prettiest customer." he had interrupted you making you blush brightly,smiling nervously at him. Y/b/n grabs his toy,"thank you mister Bofur!" he excitedly shouted grabbing your hand with his free hand. "you are very welcome laddy,you make sure you look after your ma." you blushed hard ,he thought he was your son,darn how old did he think you were ,jesus. "oh i-im not ,i-im his sister." Bofur had chuckled before speaking smoothly "I was messing with you, you've been coming here long enough ,for me to hear him call you y/n." you sigh in relief almost ,laughing quietly.

"I cant even get a boyfriend ,let alone have a child." you state quietly ,avoiding eye contact ,watching y/b/n play with his soldier figure on the counter ,you move your feet removing the prssure from standing in one place so long.  "thats hard to believe miss y/n, you a-" before he would even finish the bell on the shop door jingles;as it opens revealing your mother, your smirking mother who struts over to you ,picking up her son holding him in her arms.  "ma, I thought you and da-" you begin to speak only to be cut off again,Bofur is beyond confused on what is happening ,he liked you but he was nervous,

"I came to see what you do when we leave." she stated simple smirking still ,you look at her annoyed,how much more embarrassing could this get honestly. " what you do think I do? go get pissed and pregnant?" Bofur looks at you shocked he hadnt seen you like this before ,he would feel the same if his mother followed him out. Your mother laughed at you "no of course not,so this is what you spend all your money  we give you on?" you nod you head ,you were beyond motified at this point.

Bofur that it was sweet you spent all your money on your sibling,he could see how you were with children. "well are you going to introduce me to your friend or not?"you gugled "ma this Bofur,Bofur this is my ma ,y/m/n." he smiled at you and your mother ,holding his holding out for your mother to shake "nice to meet you ,ma'am." he had spoken politely,your mother took his shaking it smiling "you too."

After letting go of her hand she had already popped out another question, "so is there anything going between you two,that i dont know?" god she never stopped smirking ,as much you loved her ,you really couldnt think of anything worse right now. "MA, no there isnt." your face was sweating,you were so angry,and upset,but you would thank her later. You had gotten out your mothers grip long ago playing with toys on the shelves,lucky it was almost clsoing time so it was just you five in there,

  "why do you come her so so often then ,hm?" she was beyond cheeky ,but she was choking out the truth and she knew it. "uh to get y/b/n toys?" you knew shes had you, "and you I saw you flirting with her,dont try to deny that werent because i cut you off when i walked in." Bofur was too red face as were you ,she was winning. "MA.you need to stop being creepy,i bet you had your face agaisnt that window ,looking like heres johnny." she ignored you "i will leave you two to talk it out,come on y/b/n lets go home." she gestured for y/b/n to follow ,he runs after her with soldier in hand ,waving goodbye ,you both watch them leave making their way down the street.

You turn back to Bofur embarrassment imprinted on your face,"I'm so sorry,Bofur." you spoke ,lip trembling ,eyes filling up with tears yet . "hey,dont cry,if anything she was right" he had spoke walking around the counter infront of you wiping the tears that streamed down your face, look at him confused.

"w-what?2 before you could say anything more he had pressed his lips to yours gently. "you dont know how long i wanted to confess," he spoke ,pulling you into an embrace,you hug him tightly back taking in his scent,your cheeks now drying slowly."me too."  you had been going to his shop for months ,it was a little crazy. "you would like accompany me to dinner,miss y/n?" he spoken pulling slightly out of the embrace,you nod smiling he presses his lips upon yours again.

He closes the shop before talking you to dinner ,lets just say you didnt live with your parents for much longer,and even so Bofur would still maake y/b/n toys,he really liked Bofur and your mum teased you all the time saying she got you both together.In which you would tell her and for that I am grateful. Within two years you were married and already had given birth to a son.

your mother was over the moon ,and Bofur made hundreds of toys for him,your brother didnt like didnt give him as much attention as before.Bofur was a great husband and father ,and you had your brother to thank for pulling you into his shop all those years ago.

[rahabs]

Okay. At least you are in a place where if sth would happen now, there are doctors around who can help right? I mean even if that lung specialist isnt there yet and all. Im so fidgeting all the time when nervous or stressed too and wouldnt have any nerve to read or what.. you must be really exhausted too after such a stressful night. I wish there was someone to hug and comfort you now. I was about to send you this virtual hug gif but ugh on anon its not possible to send gifs. So pls imagine that then. 💙

And hopefully you will know soon (in a few hours) what is up with your lungs but i guess until then try taking deep breaths and not think too much about all the possibilites? Cant help it now anyway and probably doesnt help to work yourself up even more i guess? I mean i hope i dont sound rude or anything, thats not my intention to tell you what to think or do or anything. its just what i used to tell myself whenever i was in a similar stressful situation and could basically only wait for doctors to eventually do their thing with diagnosing/treatment etc.

Are there other people around you? To me it always helped trying to distract myself with other people and wondering why they are there etc because they are moving and catch my attention a bit more easily than trying to distract myself with books. But that could also be just me 😅

Anyway i actually didnt intend to write you this entire novel, especially i dont want to bother or stress you with this. Feel free to answer or ignore. I just worry and wish you good luck 🙏💙

Hello, Anon 🖤 You are so sweet and I want to thank you for your kind words! They really helped. I ended up dozing for about four hours because they found something on my chest X-ray that they worried might be a blood clot in my lung. I was put on blood thinners/anti-inflams/something (I was sleepy and stressed but I have the documents somewhere) and they scheduled me for a 10 AM heavy duty lung test where I got to breathe in radioactive dust and get scanned for 30 minutes, but by the time they were able to do that (the people didn’t come in until 10, and I got the initial X-rays done at about 4 or 5 AM) whatever it was had cleared up.

Running theory is blood clot that cleared up due to the meds/care I got by the time the second test rolled around. I feel sore and awful and mentally just very beaten down. I had the ‘VID right before it hit the news in late January/early February 2020 (full-blown couldn’t breathe, couldn’t talk for two months, people were asking me if I had asthma because I would have attacks where I’d crumple over and gasp for breath and even drinking water hurt, and I’ve never had lung issues before that) and they said in the wake of the the pandemic they are seeing an uptick in young women with similar issues, and they said it’s a 50/50 thing so they were very glad I came in so that they could rule anything out.

SO. Yes. By the time they got the final test back (at around… 12.30?) there was nothing life-threatening. But it might have been a blood clot that cleared up (apparently that can happen and my nurse sister confirmed that).

I didn’t have anyone physically (besides the EMTs who were VERY nice and I spent a bunch of time talking with them for the first hour or two before I was put in a privately sectioned curtain room) but I did have my friends that I was texting who have. Really been my rocks tonight and I love them so much and I am so grateful because without them this would have been 🥺 A whole lot worse. A whole lot worse more stressful than it already was. They made a terrifying situation so much more bearable and I was able to put on a Podcast and put my phone up by my ear and sleep (strange… I never usually charge my phone before I go to bed but oddly yesterday I thought “oh… I should really charge my phone” and so by the time paramedics came it was charged enough to get me through 12 hours of being at emergency care) for a little bit.

I am home now (I’m a bit frazzled so I can’t remember if I mentioned that) and getting some rest. I have lots of bread and eggs and some frozen meals so munch on today and I will spend it on the couch probably watching Ink Master or something. But I did want to say thank you for your well-wishes, anon,,, your messages came at a point when I was definitely alone and feeling incredibly stressed and they helped a lot, even if I couldn’t respond to this one until now. Bless you truly and I hope you are very well 🖤

[cassnottiel]

(i hope im not sending too many prompts, i have so many deke feels after tonight so im throwing them at you, if its too much ignore me!!) maybe something where deke accidently talks about his childhood a bit to fitzsimmons? like, an expansion of what we know in canon and how horrible it was. like (forgive me if im wrong my s5 memory isnt perfect lol) but im pretty sure he was a slave for a huge part of his life and that isnt spoken about much

Jemma Simmons was having as good of a day she could, having just time traveled and being a fugitive of the law, hiding in a huge underground bunker nobody knew about.

Her day got immensely worse when she entered the Lighthouse lab and saw the teams newest member, and her grandson from the future, digging a knife into his own arm.

"Deke!"  Jemma rushed forward, grabbing a towel and going to take the knife away from him.

Deke Shaw looked up, breaking his concentrated grimace with a slightly curious look.  "What?"

"What are you doing?"  Jemma wrapped his bloody wrist with the towel.

"I'm taking my metric out."  Deke set his knife down.  "Is that supposed to be a big deal?"

Jemma furrowed her brow, carefully pulled the bloody towel away and inspected the cut.  Sure enough, the circular metric was gone.  The work was careful and delicate, and there wasn't as much blood as there should have been for an inexperienced cut.

"I thought you were hurting yourself."  She said quietly.  "I'm sorry."

Deke awkwardly wiped his bloody left hand on his pants.  "It's fine, don't worry."

"Where did you learn to do this with such precision?" Jemma leaned down to look at the cut more carefully.  It looked like it was made by an experienced surgeon.

Deke shrugged and grabbed a roll of bandages from the table next to him.  "I picked it up as a kid.  My mom was kind of like the doctor of the Lighthouse."

"This is amazing work."  Jemma complimented.  "But, doesn't it hurt?"

"Not really, no."  Deke shook his head and started unrolling the bandages.  "I have a high pain tolerance."

Jemma quickly grabbed the bandages and started wrapping his wrist for him.  "Really?"  She looked at him with concern.  "Since when?"

Deke carelessly wiped the blood off the blade of his version of Fitzs multi tool with a small smile.  "Oh, you know.  The Kree weren't exactly benevolent leaders."  He retracted the blade and put the knife in his pocket, smiling like he just made a hilarious joke.

Jemmas hands froze as she thought about the implications behind that statement.  Deke took the opportunity to finish wrapping his wrist and start walking out.  

"Bye, Nana!"  He called cheerfully over his shoulder as he crossed the threshold of the door.

- - -

Fitz sighed and slammed his fist on the door.  Locked.  All the system updates that locked down the Lighthouse were getting very annoying.

"What's wrong?"  Deke Shaw, Fitzs overeager grandson from the future, was leaning against the concrete wall.

"Bloody door's locked again."  Fitzs frustration was abundant in his voice.  "I need to get to the other end of the level."  He held up a satchel full of papers he needed to get to the lab.

Deke smiled.  "I can help."  He walked over to the vent on the floor, slid his fingers between the grates and pulled.  He set it against the wall and gestured to the new hole in the wall.  "Do you have a problem with small spaces?"

Fitz stared.  "You want me to crawl through the vent?"

"I know my way through the whole vent system, I can get you anywhere you need to go."  Deke crouched down and looked through the dark tunnel, then up at his grandfather.  "Unless you want to wait?"

Fitz sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose, then gestured to the vent.  "Lead the way."

The vent shafts were larger than Fitz thought they would be, not quite wide enough for the two men to sit side by side, but tall enough for them to sit comfortably.  But, they did not sit.  Fitz could barely keep up with Deke, despite only being a few years older.

"Deke, slow down."  Fitz called ahead, leaning back on his heals.  

Deke stopped and turned around.  "Sorry."  He said sheepishly and crawled back to Fitz.  

"Why are you in such a rush?"  Fitz cracked his stiff neck.

"Force of habit, sorry."  Deke apologized again.  "I'm usually running when I'm in here."

That set off an alarm bell in Fitzs mind.  "Running?"

"Yeah," Deke said like he wasn't talking about something important, "the Blues had some sort of vendetta against me or something.  I think people made bets on how far I could go without getting caught."  Fitz stared in shock.  "My record is four levels."

"Were you okay when that happened?"  Fitz asked carefully.

"No, of course not."  Deke turned his head away.  "Let's get going, you said you have something important, right?"

He did not wait for an answer, just started off in the direction that would lead to the lab.  Fitz sighed, filed away that information to talk to his wife about later, and followed his grandson

- - -

"Ta-da!"  Deke kicked the grate of the vent out and climbed out.  He stood up and spread his arms out to show off his feat of navigation.

"Thank you, Deke."  Fitz tossed his satchel to his grandson before climbing out and fixing the vent cover over the gaping hole.  "I think I'll just wait next time."

Deke shrugged and handed the satchel over.  "I get that.  I usually only used the vents if I was in real danger."

"But you . . ." Fitz frowned, "you memorized the whole layout?"

"You've seen this place in eighty years."  Deke started casually walking to the lab.  "You know how often 'real danger' is."

Fitz stood frozen for a few seconds, staring at the back of his grandsons head.  Then, he practically ran to the lab.

"Jemma," Fitz ran a hand through his hair and leaned against the open door, "has Deke said anything that's made you concerned in the time you've known him?"

Jemma looked up from what she was doing, worry flitting across her face.  "What did he tell you?"

"Did you know that our grandson has the ventilation schematics memorized?"  Fitz walked forward and lowered his voice.  "Just in case he needed to run from the Kree."  

Jemmas eyes widened.  "Oh, my God."

"What did he tell you?"  Fitz sat on one of the cots, the papers of research all but forgotten at his side.

"I found him digging his own metric out of his arm with a knife."  Jemma leaned in, like this conversation was a secret to keep from the rest of the base.  "But it didn't seem to hurt him, he told me he has a high pain tolerance."  She sighed.  "He implied the Kree would hurt him regularly, and he said it like it was no big deal."

Fitz sighed and scratched his neck. "What should we do?"  He looked up his wife.  "He shouldn't live in this world and expect it to be just like his."

Jemma nodded.  "None of us are really qualified to act as therapists, but we should talk to him."

"I know this isn't the place I grew up in."  

Both Fitz and Simmons spun around to look at the source of the voice.  Deke was standing in the door.

"Deke!"  Jemma stepped forward, as if to act like she wasn't just talking about him.

"I'm not naive."  Deke continued.  "I know this isn't the Lighthouse I'm used to."

Fitz put his hands up in a placating manor.  "We never m--"

"I don't make a big deal out of my past because I don't want you guys to make a big deal out of it."  Deke cut Fitz off.  "I know my childhood was messed up.  Believe me, I know."

"Why don't you want us to make a big deal about it?"  Jemma asked.  "You went through Hell."

"Yeah."  Deke nodded.  "I did.  But this isn't the same place, and I want to move on with my life."

"Deke," Fitz started calmly, "it's not that easy."

"You can't just bottle everything away and expect to be fine."  Jemma added.  

"I'm very good at compartmentalizing."  Deke crossed his arms.

"Compartmentalization isn't good for you."  Fitz said.  "Trust me, it's not."

Deke sighed.  "If you knew what it was like to grow up in this place, you wouldn't want to think about it either."

Jemma walked over and placed her hand on her grandsons shoulder.  "There are some things in life you have to face to move past."

"I am moving past things."  Deke said stubbornly.  "I'm making new, better memories where all the bad things in my life happened."

"Trauma doesn't work like that, Deke."  Fitz said as gently as he could.

Deke ran both his hands through his hair with a deep sigh.  "I shouldn't have said anything."  He stood up and turned to the door.

"Deke, wait."  Jemma grabbed his left arm.  "You don't have to forget everything about your past or reinvent yourself."

"But I want to."  Deke said very clearly.  "Kasius owned me, and I don't want to feel like his property anymore."

Jemma made sure keep her voice calm, she didn't want to escalate this.  "We've seen what he did, we know--"

"No, you don't know."  Deke snapped.  "He literally owned me.  After my dad was sent to the surface, Kasius and Sinara wanted to groom me into one of their deaf servants."

Jemma and Fitz looked at each other, then back at their grandson.

"You know what it's like."  He looked to Jemma.  "Having that-- that-- that thing in my ear is one of the worst things that's ever happened to me."

"You've had it?"  Jemmas voice went quiet.  "How old were you?"

"I was fourteen."  The fire in Dekes eyes never dampened.  "So, forgive me if I want to forget that part of my life."

"Deke," Fitz said slowly, reaching out, "you don't need to keep going, we understand."

Deke sighed again, more aggressively, showing the frustration he was feeling.  "Do you?"  He asked.  "You all were there for a few weeks, maybe.  I was born there, raised there.  I spent the first twenty-eight years of my life in that apocalyptic hellscape!"  He gestured wildly around the room.  "And I'm still here!  Even when there's a rest of the world out there, I'm here, in the place I watched my whole family die."

"Deke . . ." neither grandparent knew how to handle this.  It seemed that this was the first time he got to really talk about his past traumas in a serious way.

Deke sat down on one of the cots tiredly.  "I watched you both die."  He whispered, his eyes glassy with unshed tears.

"What?!"  Jemma was at his side in seconds, Fitz not far behind.

"When I was nine, Kasius got rid of everyone who believed in the prophecy.  All the smart people."  Deke forced himself to steady his breath and closed his eyes.  "They killed everyone in the middle of the Exchange, to make an example."  He looked up at Jemma, then Fitz, then at the concrete floor.  "They took my mom, and my moms parents."

"I--" Fitz clenched his fists at his side.  "I'm sorry, Deke."  He said quietly.  He lifted his hand and carefully, comfortingly, rubbed Dekes back between the shoulder blades.

"We're going to make sure that world will never exist."  Jemma promised.  "So the next version of you to exist will never go through that."

Suddenly, Deke threw his arms around Jemma and Fitz.  He pulled them into a tight hug and finally let the tears he had been holding in for God knows how long fall.  Deke buried his face in the soft fabric of Fitz shirt as his shuddering breaths shook his whole frame.  Both grandparents immediately returned the hug.  It was a hug from a child who had lost his family too young, had been alone for too long.

As unconventional as this new family was, they loved each other.  And this family kept their promises, no matter how far they need to go.