#therapy friend

[humblewonderer]

Reminder that if you have a "therapy friend" or someone you often vent your struggles to, you should check up on them.

And I don't mean a disinterested "hru" or something. Take some time to genuinely see how they're doing and LISTEN.

[dukesoakedoats]

Therapy Friends

I was sitting in my room and eating when I just thought about this so here it is. I really really don’t like the term therapy friend and here’s why. Most people don’t join a friendship to just be reduced to being your therapist, we become your friends so that we can share experiences together, talk and laugh and cry and help each other when we are both in a time of need. The name therapy friend for me suggests that all our friendship has been reduced to me just listening to you, it takes away the aspect of actual human interaction. Friends listen and help you but it is also much more.When I was younger there was this girl at school, she was beautiful mind you and I really liked her eventually by some stroke of luck we became friends. Soon I found out that we liked the same thing, we would sit on the wooden park bench and trade pokemon cards while also reading books about shipwrecks. It’s a core memory for me however as time went on she started to talk about her problems and issues that made her sad, of course as a friend I listened and helped her and I was happy. I was happy that I was helping my friend and able to take a bit off the burden off of her shoulders. I loved it when I made her laugh or solve her issue because that’s what a friend does. However soon our chat logs were no longer actual conversations, it was just her telling me about her problems after going radio silent for months on ends, I felt we had lost our connection but I still helped her and would always listen. However a couple of months ago I looked back at the texts and realised we hadn’t had an ACTUAL conversation something shy of a year nor had she ever responded to my issues or stuff like that, I thought it was weird but I didn’t say anything because I thought I was a shit friend. But I wasn’t a shit friend. I wasn’t a friend to her at all really, I was just something she dumped her issues on and expected me to always help her. I would give her solutions and yet she wouldn’t listen at all and just see the negative side , it was draining and I tried to carry on but I couldn’t. I was her therapy “friend” her bootleg therapist and that was it. She stopped even saying happy birthday to me or on one occasion she cried to me about her problems while I was visiting a terminal family member. I’ve stopped talking to her and yes I’m sad but I’m also happy, I’m free in a sense. That’s why everytime I see that post that’s like “god forbid they pay walled human interaction” I get really angry? Like no if you reduce your friendship to just “therapy” it’s not human interaction. No one starts a friendship for the intention of just being your therapist, we want to help you and talk to you but also laugh with you as well. You know what the sad thing is a bit, that maybe if she would have asked me how I was at least once while she talked to me about her issues I would still be her friend. people have issues and sometimes their life is shit and I know that but I hope you are being at least decent human beings to the person you are talking to about your issues. The whole “therapy friend” trope gives me the ick. Like how many times have we seen people complain about being that friend, it’s not HEALTHY. Friends are there to listen and help, that’s why they are friends. You don’t force your friend to be a therapist because that takes away true friendship.

[your-therapist-friend]

Hello, friend!

I'm your online friend you can anonymously talk to about anything that's bothering you! I'm not one to judge and I'll try to give you advice to the best of my abilities, like any friend would! ^_^

Disclaimer! I'm not a professional therapist. I am just a person on the internet trying to help you as much as I can. If there is something serious that's bothering you, please seek a professional to truly advise you!

Who am I?

I'm not a professional therapist but I'm someone really interested in the world of psychology. As to improve more on my capabilities and help people, I've created this anonymous account!

How to talk to me.

Simply message me on Tumblr or if you want, you could send it through an anonymous task! I'll try to answer as fast as possible, though it might take some time due to time zones.

Things to consider before talking to me:

I'm not a professional and therefore I cannot solve all of your life's problems. I can only give you advice from a friend.

I have not experienced everything life has to offer therefore some of the things you might need help with, I don't have personal experience with and can't help so much.

I am just a regular human online and anything I say could be potentially wrong. I seek to learn with great experience.

I will not share any information given to me without consent and will not ask for any information from you such as your name, address, etc. I don't need it for me to be your therapist friend and if anything you give me I possibly do share online, you can freely sue me but I assure you it won't happen.

You are not bothering me in any way by just venting to me. I have created this account out of free will and with no money in mind. If you were to be bothering me, I would be a horrible friend.

Stay healthy, dear. If the world doesn't care about you, I do <3

[fandomgoesahhhhhhhhh]

Shoutouts to all the therapist friends out there!

As one of them, I know it’s hard to hold everyone’s problems in. Just know that you’re not alone

[prettysoulsread]

You know what's even worse? Being the shoulder to lean on for others, the one who lends a listening ear and offers comfort, but never feeling like you can truly open up yourself. Fear holds you back from reaching out for help, from being vulnerable and sharing your own struggles, because you don't want to be a burden to others or risk them not understanding you. That's been my experience.

— mine [ @prettysoulsread ]

[romantasyreader28]

I’d be an amazing therapist if we ignore the fact that I’ve got like 21 mental illnesses and can’t take care of myself🤷‍♀️

[everythingseasoning]

Just hung out with a new friend and they told me I’m so insightful and kind and sociable and that they never once felt uncomfortable by me. (Girls I’m so surprised that I am deemed as socially acceptable. What a crazy twist of events). We talked for likeee 5.5 hours straight about many things and they shared with me about their life and relationships (cause I tend to like to go deep fast in any and all conversations), and I was listening in, fine-tuned to how they’re doing, and why they were struggling with something in the relationship, why their partner reacted a certain way (it’s a complicated situation but I can’t give details), and why their partner did that and why everyone is struggling and having some friction. I could analyze the situation easily because I can see that everyone needs something in order to feel safe & helped my friend with a lot :)! —basically I’m saying all this to say I realized I’ve grown so much and truly can care for people in such a genuine and deeper way than I could even a few months ago— I can do a certain balance that I struggled with before. I offer a almost- therapist level compassion and understanding of how they’re doing and why things are affecting them, plus seeing instantly into how they’re affecting the world around them even if (oftentimes) unintentional. It’s a tricky balance in order to juggle both the needs and harms that a single person does with that of another persons needs and own emotional harms to others, in order to find the most fair peace and love for all, a balance that is one that requires relinquishing any and all judgment and just seeking the useful solutions to make everyone feel safe and happy. It’s a complicated task. I still have a long ways to go but I’ve been known as a therapist friend by at least 4 people now, (they all just have in the past called me up to talk about crises’ situations they’re in), so I like to think I’m doing something right. Plus I’ve been in therapy since I was 17, with the most amazing therapist who is truly the definition of compassionate and understanding and wise (no surprise they love biology, Buddhism, teaching, psychology and scientific analysis, and had even previously in their life trained to be a priest). I’m blessed to have gotten therapy for years now from this amazingly wise and most compassionate and perceptive person :) and I’m excited to learn to keep learning and hopefully being such an intensively thoughtful and perceptive and wiser person. Today my friend told me they have a lot of ideas they took away from our convo and they told me it was nice being listened to. Idk how to do anything BUT go beneath the surface lol so I was surprised it was like the first time they had this and they’re like 13 years older than me. They even said they were starting to feel cynical and shrouded by disappointment in humanity— but they’re a GOOD person who has only ever been friendly and seems pretty open-minded so I was surprised hearing this— and today they told me that our time together today was already so refreshing and that they’re starting to get hope back from people. I’ve got a lot to reflect on regarding her reality and events in life, in order to understand the trueness of her experience. it’s good that they’re getting some growth and change and it’s cool I can help but I’m terrified of messing it up by saying something wrong or not being the most compassionate person I can be. Ahhh

[narratorinthecloset]

I need to know... Am I the only one that created multiple characters for Bg3 just so I can romance everyone? (Even though I mostly foucus on my Durge x Astarion, those two need love, hugs and lots of therapy (just like everyone))

Also I'm a little mad that I can't exactly play as my characters because my laptop is trash... And I can't play Bg3... 🥲

Let me romance them all and give them therapy damm it!!

[nightblossom05]

I was catching up with an old high school friend the other day and we were talking about high school and college. We were talking about therapy and how you get what you put in. I tell her I was not a psychology major but I have been the therapy friend for years, throughout college, now, maybe before. And she said "I'm honestly surprised you never went in to therapy." And I agreed. I said "Yeah I probably should go into therapy but I feel like I'd be too resistant for it to do me any good." She let me finish then hit me with "Oh, I meant like be a therapist."

[b1sexualalternativwich]

being the therapist friend is so mentally training, like- at least pay if you wanna trauma dump =⁠_⁠=

[mydarlingdearestdead]

anyone else just know they're the convenience friend and probably the closest thing to a therapy friend the "group" has and it never bothered you before but now it's like it has you in a chokehold and breathing normally is an impossibility?

[maybehesitate]

when you think your the best Therapy Friend but then you see somebody you normally help through their stuff getting consoled by a rival therapy friend in a way that’s 10x better than what you could come up with and you realize that you really need to step up your game

[thatrandomblogsays]

Annabeth: I, a child, had to earn Thalia’s love, that’s how the world works! I have to earn my moms love. Love is transactional, you gotta be worthy of it first silly :)

Percy, listening to this on the train

[slenderfirebolt]

!'Therapy Friend' is not a healthy relationship!

at least not inheritly. I feel compelled to write this out after having experiences Quite A Lot over the past year or so, and while i have now recovered basically completely from the Consequences of my Actions (and of the actions of others), i think its important to note down a few things that i have learned in hope that a few less people will make the same mistakes, or miss the same red flags, as i have made and missed. some of these are probably obvious and its just the autism that screwed me over, while many might be more useful to everyone. First of all just to disclose any biases i may have, i am a former 'therapy friend' and have also been the person getting 'therapy friended'. in addition to this, i am in my second year of my Psychology major, and while i am ***far*** from able to properly do any kind of actual therapy work (this isnt an 'as a psych major rant dw), i have gotten very good at identifying exactly how catastrophically bad my mistakes were, so without further ado, heres what i have learned in my time so far; Sympathy =/ Empathy: fairly obvious as a concept, but the real issue is how effective/ineffective sympathy and empathy can be with regards to trying to make your friends feel better. Empathizing with someone can often lead to you to feel a need to 'prove' that you also went though something similar to them. this is *not good*, as it can end up bringing everyone down, and if your in a bad mood from your memories, your not going to be helping very much. Sympathy seems to be fine, so long as it is wanted. NOT everyone wants someone to feel sorry for them. DONT OVERSHARE: probably the second most important on this list, 'oversharing' can be a lot more minor than you would think at first, at least with regards to quantity, but very quickly it builds up into a Severe Problem. ideally, the person your trying to help wont know jack about you beyond what is necessary (this is why 'Therapist' and 'Friend' dont overlap very well, since having lots of knowledge on eachother is common for friends). you dont want the person your worried about feel worse because they are worried about you. DONT let this aspect of your relationship DEFINE your relationship!!!! this is probably the biggest on here, and a fuckup that i had made Several times before learning my lesson. if your relationship with someone is defined by the pain you share between eachother, one of two things is going to happen. either the relationship will begin to fade once the pain is gone, or the pain will persist to keep the relationship going. while it is possible that one could have a nice relationship with someone after the pain is gone, that can really only happen if theres more depth to your connection, and any connection based on being 'grateful' is going to get very dubious very fast. Set your own boundaries and follow them: easy for some people, not easy for others. while you may not initially think that your being effected by having people vent at you, or by talking people out of their own malignant thoughts, it can start draining from you without you noticing, and can worsen your own mental health dramatically before you even notice. Prioritize Yourself: hardest one to do for some people, but incredibly important. someone who is not mentally well wont be of much help, so you have to make sure your mental health is in top shape if you want to fill this kind of role. Make sure people want your help. i missed this one a lot, since i just *assumed* that if people were in pain, they would want relief from their pain. this is *not* always true, and you can only truly help someone who *wants* to be helped. you cannot truly CHANGE people, you can only help them change themselves, and this is true for aiding people in dealing with mental health.

Be Their Friend. sounds very obvious, and it connects to several other points on this list. you have to be someone's friend *first*, if you arent doing that, your just an untrained 'therapist' trying your best. this list is not meant to make people who *arent* doing some of these feel guilty, its more of a PSA than anything, and its not meant to make people with 'therapy friends' feel guilty either. that being said, to those that do have 'therapy friends', theres a few important things to remember. - Dont emotionally invest yourself into someone not emotionally stable, it will hurt you both in the long run - Seek professional help if possible for professional problems. friends can give you advice, and i would personally encourage them to give it when it is welcome, but any kind of diagnostic work should at the very least be researched a bit more in depth. that being said, if you find that some methods of treating something help you... - Do what helps You. maybe you cant get a diagnosis due to time and money, maybe your afraid of the consequences. i can understand that, and plenty of other people can as well. you cant always 'solve' some problems, some of them you just have to wait out until they are gone, and then start moving forward. - Be open about what you want from your friendship. the thing that managed to lose me a lot of friends as both the 'therapist' and 'therapee' was people not being open about what kind of friendship they wanted, and if they were comfortable with having/being a 'therapy friend' it sucks to have to confront people, but making sure this stuff is down can save friendships. Take everything i have said here with a healthy amount of salt, since its only from my experience, and may not be universal. be kind and honest to your friends, and try your best to be united by something other than your common pains. very few mistakes are irreparable, i have made *countless*, and even though i have lost many friends, i have gained many more, and at the end of the tunnel, i have come out a happier and more capable person.

[a-sky-full-of-ideas]

I am not even the therapist friend anymore..I have become even less than that somehow.

Ppl come by every now and then, to tell me everything (mainly the bad) that has happened to them since the last time we met and then leave. They don´t want a response, not really. They certainly do not want any advise or distraction. And least of all they want to know what I have been up to, past the polite "how are you ?".

I feel like a diary.

[a-bunch-of-startled-cats]

love playing the role of therapy friend getting triggered to shit and back