#it does suck that the communication to other players is limited but i get why they did it

[alleywerewolfos]

the splat pools are probably one of the coolest things theyve added to splatoon so far, i love seeing the lobby full of people i joined the same space with , plus it feels strangely more comfortable than queueing against everyone

[tribow]

Why do I tell people to play indie games?

K' so you may have seen that post I made a little while ago asking people reblog and put into the tags an indie game that they did NOT like.

I made that post because I wanted to hear about what indie games people had bad experiences with. There was another post I made saying "Tell me you don't play indie games without telling me you don't play indie games" in response to a ton of youtube videos saying modern video games are no longer fun. A lot of tags would say, "Well indie games can suck too!" This response was extremely silly to me and I wanted to know what games they could be talking about.

I didn't ask for it, but so many people starting explaining why they didn't like a certain game. So I decided to make a little pie chart with the reason people would give in the tags

There are some outliers not here. There were 5 tags saying a game offended them and some responses that were too specific to really count. Half of the posts also gave no explanations so I'm not going to act like this is representative of every response on that post.

Okay so what's the point? Why did I do this?

There's this one 30 minute video by Josh Strife Hayes that does a super good job showcasing all of the bad practices that happen with modern gaming. He talks about each issue thoroughly, but I'll list them here:

Microtransactions, Limited Progression, Invite Boosts, Premium Currency, Loyalty Programs, Selling Power, Battlepasses, and Selling Progression

He doesn't even mention other issues like games releasing in clearly unfinished states, games that are clearly chasing trends, and game developers being restricted by their publishers.

Why is this significant? Well answer me this: Was there a single tag response in my post that complains about an indie game doing these things?

Say what you want about indie games, but I bet you didn't pay $60 and got psychologically manipulated to spend more on that game. I bet you weren't getting manipulated by some free to play model to spend more money than you would on a normal game. I bet the game actually released in a finished state and even if it did, the game clearly communicated it wasn't done.

Sure, you could give me examples of indie games that do have those bad practices, but I guarantee you that you cannot prove that most indie games do this.

So yeah, play indie games. Don't support corporate bullshit unless you know the game was made with the player's best interest in mind.

[crystalelemental]

"canislupus-13: Tbh I get you. Kanto is just boring? This is why I really don't get the hype around hgss sure like heartgold was my first game and while it's not bad if I compare it to black or platinum it's just not as good. There's a reason why I only have like 80 hours in it when I have over 200 in both black and platinum. Like sure you get to visit 2 regions. But while johto has like some cool looking places... (Ecruteak is really nice) Kanto is just boring. Sorry I had to get this out."

You are right and should say it! Shame this loreless shithole! Kanto has like nothing going on! It's fine as an initial experience and sometimes you just want to play through the game without characters stopping you every route to talk, but good god, there's just nothing.

"The greater pokemon community would have my head if I told them my opinion of the johto remakes (aka that they're not bad but I'd rather play any other ds pokemon game)."

I mean. I love Johto, so I am slightly saddened, but like...in that way where it's like aww man, they don't seem to like it, but also of course they don't it kinda sucks.

Johto's a fun region, and the first to have like...actual significance to legendary Pokemon. Like it did stuff, there was lore and a culture to the region that Kanto still doesn't have despite all its remakes. And for all my bitching about Kanto and Red, I do like that they tied it off with a confrontation with your previous player avatar. It's a cool sort of passing the torch battle that I...now desperately wish they'd never done sometimes. But also it sucks to play. Encounter levels absurdly low, level scaling supremely awkward, lowest level to reach the league by a mile, Kanto takes forever despite being mostly barren and a victory lap that doesn't show much challenge, the rematches against gym leaders are hilariously obtuse compared to the superior Platinum model, they didn't fully fix the issue of Dark Types mostly being Kanto locked (unless you want to deal with the garbage Safari Zone, which no one does). And all that around issues of status moves and boosting moves being locked to high BP cost in post-game so you can't use them during typical runs, which significantly limits player options to just beating each other with sticks, artificially inflating the perceived difficulty of fights like Red where you don't have useful counterplay (coincidentally, this is a similar issue in Platinum; Cynthia's team is hilariously weak to setup sweepers, but because boosting TMs are all BP gated, you have very few options to actually exploit that weakness).

So I get it. It's not the most fun game in the series for a lot of people. And truthfully Johto doesn't seem that popular broadly. There's a select group of people who idolize the game. I think they're insane despite liking it a lot. Though now I'm on track to start complaining about every game, so best to cut this short.

[smoqueen]

what is the tekken community opinion of Neegan are you a pariah because of your main or are people chill. is Neegan a high tier character. is he "cheap" whats the deal

here it comes. read more to spare you

at low levels, negan is EXTREMELY strong. armors through whatever, launches you for nothing. this makes noobs think he is overpowered. in a way, it IS cheesy.

at a high level he is very honest. a lot of his “iconic” moves are easily counterable or unsafe and his kit is limited and small compared to many characters. but the moves that he DOES have are still solid, and he has some amazing generic tools, good movement, and good frames.

some people say he is high tier, some say he is high-mid, some say mid, some say low, some say bottom (!) due to how solvable he is. none say he is top tier besides noobs .

a top player, arslan ash - maybe best in the world, absolutely the best in pakistan IMO - puts negan firmly in A tier. i outlined why i think this in a previous post (i really need to find a vid or tweet where he explains i know it’s out there) but a lot of pakistani pros have pocket negans. they think he’s cool and he has a good matchup against akuma, who is SSS tier, and also popular in pakistan. they also are absolute fucking gods of the poking/jailing/movement gameplay that forms his high level gameplan.

i personally think he’s high-mid tier and although his issues are glaring, i love competing with him and winning with him. like the entire cast he’s still viable. it is absolutely possible to beat the literal best players (knee, arslan ash) with negan. knee plays negan, though he plays higher tier characters during tournies typically, like feng. there are no comparable players that are solo negan mains. (top level solo mains are rare but they exist. anakin is the best na player debatably and mains jack). that’s the most “pariah like” thing about me is that i’m basically a negan solo main - my jack is ALMOST as good arguably but i prefer to keep repping negan

on the real good players are actually chill about negan they do get mad losing to certain things thoufh just like anyone. eating a fat “not cool” to the face sucks shit but that’s no different from eating a fucking bryan’s fisherman hook or eating hwoarang’s backlash. many pros just have an opinion on his inclusion mirroring the wider public. some think he doesn’t fit or is annoying some people think he’s cool

plenty think he is “cheesy” because he has a lot of voice lines during the game. jin doesn’t Say anything during the match. neither does jack. not even when they rage art. just intros/outros (for jack). now that i think about it, lot of silent characters.

negan is constantly talking. he says “shit” and “god damn” while getting hit. multiple times during combos. he has phrases while doing certain moves. no exceptions! not cool! holy smokes! feels good, sounds good. iiits ooover! oh my goodness!! he even chuckles AT you. his intros and outros are very fucking long

so, he’s polarizing. has a high play rate at low levels, and a low play rate at high levels. lots of people love him, lots of people hate him - much like many new tekken characters, like fakhumram, kunimitsu, lucky chloe, etc. i adore his insane inclusion in the game, he is swag as fuck and extremely fun to play, hope the moveset returns for 8 even if the character doesn’t OR we get some other equally insane character like tony soprano or will graham or zagreus or one of the jacked guys from white lotus season 2

[literaphobe]

I like the idea of Gridrunners, it just feels like it’s doing too much and is incredibly unrefined. It’s like nine games in a trench coat, when it could easily be split into three games that are better done and each bring a unique skill to the playing field.

Like the overarching theme in GR is ‘puzzle’ except some… Aren’t puzzles? Like kill the mobs? Craft the item? Clean the Build? Find the item? Those aren’t puzzles and could literally be added to any other gametype. Though Gridrunners is one of the only games with actual team communication, with their parkour puzzles and invisible walkways. Why not just split the games into three more refined on-pvp team games, even if they’re still under the umbrella of Gridrunners?

Three rounds (like Skybattle), each with a different game, and a time limit to see who gets the furthest? And each time it’s played the games get played in a different order.

Game option 1: Team Parkour puzzle game (could also add find the button/light the lanterns to this, and the team that lights the most in the time limit/fastest gets the most points). Would add more movement and team communication into a game without all the pvp stress or solo stuff all the others have. And there is so much variation they could add to this so if they wanted they’d be able to make it different every single time.

Game option 2: Redstone/Minecart track/etc gathering and building game (kinda like bingo just with more redstone and a goal that isn’t ‘make item first’). Would have another building game that doesn’t rely solely on memory and would actually have more skills that are actually learnable. Like maybe you need to set up redstone lines and minecart tracks to set a path and unlock doors to reach checkpoints, and whoever gets the furthest fastest gets the most points. Could also add ‘find the item’ and ‘clean the build’ into this one.

Game option 3; We already have SOT for mob killing, but you could also add a game that is literally just killing mobs. No parkour, no puzzles, just murder. Either do it like a maze with various difficulties down different paths (so the worst player can go down the easiest path with mostly passive mobs, and the best can go fight creepers, witches, endermen, and what not), or team challenge rooms more like Dreams elevator video where it gets harder and harder as you go. With maybe a boss at the end that if all your guys make it can step on a pressure plate and go fight a wither or something. Maybe no boss and it’s just endless.

You would have to do something so it doesn’t snowball, so maybe each room/checkpoint is judged on time in that room rather than overall? Or make people choose between speed/completion points or bonus task points? Idk. SoT doesn’t have a snowball problem like BM so maybe take notes on that.

The only thing is, I can’t see something like ‘describe the build’ in any other gametype. It HAS to be fast paces enough, otherwise it would make more sense for the teams to just screenshot and share that in discord rather than describing the build. Like it NEEDS to be as fast paced as possible for that type of game to not be abused. It you put it in a longer game like BM it just wouldn’t work. Same as if they added any sort of visual puzzle in SoT that had the answer at spawn but the puzzle itself was down a pathway. They’d just take a screenshot instead of ask the Sandkeeper to describe it for them.

Oh yeah i agree that the concept of grid runners is very good. its just like how the concept of survival games is awesome - you spawn in an elaborate world where you have to loot chests and airdrops to get cool weapons and armor and projectiles and food etc etc to kill everyone else and be the last team standing. u have unlimited levels and can enchant shit. its fucking cool. but does that mean survival games as its current status is a good game?

hell no!!!! it fucking sucks, u all spawn next to each other so its way too easy to target weak teams, kills are worth the same whether its in the beginning or the end, so teams rarely engage and most of the kills happen in a frenzy in the last 10 seconds, if u get killed off spawn u just wind up having to sit there for 10 minutes

so yeah. grid runners sucks, bc some of the rooms are too repetitive, or so unnecessarily difficult/complicated that it gets boring to watch bc the teams are too confused, or the rooms were just boring from the get go.

that being said, i think the parkour puzzles are interesting. notably the color ones that they label so colorblind players don’t visibly struggle. even if the team im watching fails at it i do agree its one of the better rooms in grid runners that actually require good team communication AND coordination. i also kind of like the minecart track room because it’s actually a fun way to see how efficient teams can be, as opposed to them literally having to clean up dirt or eat cakes. i also think the farm looking room where u have to craft stuff Fast is good bc u have the recipe book but knowing the recipe off the top of ur head is faster and knowing exactly what to grab is faster too and u have to communicate who’s doing which item so u don’t overlap or neglect an item. all of these r WAY better than the rooms w lame stuff where getting the best time is fucking random and WAY WAYYYY better than fucking SEARCH THE HOUSE

basically actual rooms that require communication and minecraft knowledge. ALSO i think an interesting change for grid runners imo would be like… doing 4 rooms instead of 8? so the rooms take a little longer but having good communication and good knowledge of minecraft can make ur team faster, and the differences in performance ACTUALLY come down to these details, so that u can Properly come back from having a bad start etc etc etc since the current state of grid runners actually is that u r screwed if u fuck up one room too bad, and there should be completion bonuses for each room and not just the entire course in case something like mcc19 happens again

[yourtamaki]

i’m here

ushijima x f!reader

word count: 2k

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, neglect, oral fixation, fingering, unprotected sex, creampie, cockwarming

you never knew what to tell your friends when they asked what wakatoshi was like as a boyfriend. everyone wanted to know how the stoic man acted around his significant other. does he melt when he sees you? they’d ask with hearts in their eyes. does he turn affectionate behind closed doors? you never understood their fascination or why they expected him to be a different person just for you. 

no, that was a lie. you don’t know why you expected him to be different. 

it was coming up on your second year with toshi and you’d been friends throughout your high school years. you knew what he was like before you’d bitten the bullet and asked him on a date. so you had no one but yourself to blame now as you lay alone in your bed that felt far too big, wracking sobs so powerful your whole body trembled from the force. 

a month. that’s how long it’d been since you last felt like toshi was a part of your life. you woke up alone, did the chores alone, made dinner alone and went to bed alone. his absence wasn’t the worst part, much to your surprise. it was the signs of disturbance around your shared home. a used plate in the sink. a new load in the laundry. signs that toshi was there, he just wasn’t there with you. it made you feel all the more empty. 

you didn’t know why your body decided tonight was the night to give out but once the first tears slid down your face, you were helpless to stop the tidal wave of stress and loneliness and utter sadness from escaping. your only solace was how good it felt to finally cry. to get these corrosive feelings out of your system instead of continuing to let them eat away at you the way you had for weeks. 

if only your cries were a bit quieter. maybe you would’ve heard the bedroom door creak open in time to wipe away your tears and feign sleep. 

for a moment, toshi just stared at you, drinking in the details of your face illuminated by the light from the hallway. 

“it’s late.” the deep timber of his voice made you oddly nostalgic. the two of you hadn’t exchanged more than a scarce handful of sentences during this period, all your communication being limited to dry texts. you’d never minded his texting habits, had even found it endearing once. but when the brief, one word answers became your only lifeline to toshi, how could you not feel as though you were only bothering him with every text sent?

when you didn’t respond, toshi carefully closed the door behind him. you didn’t need any light to know exactly what he was doing. he was nothing if not a creature of habit. you could picture him first placing his gym bag in your shared closet then methodically undressing. but instead of heading to the bathroom to get ready for bed, you felt the mattress dip as he sat next to you. 

“you’re crying. why?” he said. you had to stamp down on the urge to reply with sarcasm. if you’ve learned anything from the years you’d spent with toshi it's that he was genuine to a fault. if he was asking you what was wrong, it meant he truly didn’t know. you needed to spell out your feelings for him on more then one occasion but once you did, he would be more than understanding, going above and beyond to rectify the situation. so why did you feel so hesitant to open up now? he could sense your hesitance though he didn’t understand the cause for it, his hand reaching out to find yours in the dark. “i can’t help if you don’t tell me.” 

the dam broke, fresh tears streaming down your face. “toshi i miss you. i know you’re busy but it feels like we’re not even together anymore. i don’t hear from you, i don’t see you and i’m stuck in this house all day. i’m just— ‘m just lonely.” 

your voice trailed off in a whisper quickly swallowed by the silence of the room, only broken by your sniffles. toshi was still as you cried before leaning over to turn the bedside lamp on. the sudden light stung your eyes and when you adjusted, you could see him already gazing down at you. 

“i apologize, y/n.” he kissed the back of both your hands and brought them to his forehead, head bowed. “there is no excuse. my priorities should always include you and they haven’t as of late.”

“it’s ok. i understand you’re busy, toshi i just wish i could see you a little more.” he nodded, lifting his head and his eyes piercing yours.

“i will work to change my behaviour and become a boyfriend more deserving of your love.” 

just like that you remembered why you fell in love with him. others saw toshi as someone incapable of understanding emotions, an apathetic person with only volleyball on his mind. it couldn’t be further from the truth. it was true he had difficulty reading your emotions but as soon as you put them in plain terms, he was there for you in any way you needed. “thank you.” 

“that is for the future. but that doesn’t change that you feel hurt right now. is there anything i can do to ease your pain?” the look in his eyes told you no ask was too large, the single minded focus that made him one of the top volleyball players in the country was now directed solely on you. 

“i just want to be with you.” you crawled into his lap, his arms coming up to hug you close to him. 

“you’ve got me.” he murmured into your ear. “for as long as you’ll have me i’m yours. and i’m sorry i haven’t been here to tell you that.”  

“you’re here now.” 

“i am.” 

“toshi…” it has been so long since you were last in his arms you couldn’t help how needy it was making you, desperate to feel him as close to you as possible. 

“what is it, love?” instead of replying, you rolled your hips against his, kissing his neck. with only his briefs you could feel his bulge harden slightly with the pressure. “if that’s what you want.” 

he lifted you both up off the bed, turning and laying you down carefully. he helped you out of your clothes, leaving you in your plain cotton panties, bra already removed for bed. if you’d known you’d be sleeping with your boyfriend you would’ve worn sexier pieces but judging by toshi’s ravenous expression, it didn’t matter to him. you felt beautiful in his eyes. 

toshi kissed his way down, latching onto one nipple and rolling the other between his fingers before switching over, giving each the attention they deserved. he brought one hand to your face and said, 

“suck.” 

you sucked his fingers into your mouth, glad to finally have something to make you feel full. he watched you, mesmerized by how your lips looked stretched around his fingers. 

“do you know how beautiful you look right now? my y/n. always need something in your mouth, don’t you?” you hummed, mind going blank as all you could do was focus on the slightly salty taste as you licked his fingertips.

once toshi deemed them wet enough, he snaked his hand down into your panties, teasing your entrance before dipping inside. 

“you’re so wet. can you hear yourself?” you could, the wet squelch as he pumped his fingers inside you made your face heat up with embarrassment. it wasn’t your fault nothing came close to how toshi felt inside you. toys, your own hands, nothing compared to what you were feeling now, so stretched with only two of his fingers inside you. they curled inside you, pressing against that spot that had your legs quivering, gripping toshi’s forearm hard. 

“where do you want to cum first, my fingers or my cock?” 

“your cock please toshi wanna feel you.” you begged. a moment later, your panties were pulled off of you. toshi took off his briefs and knelt between your legs, his blunt tip resting over your pussy. he tapped it against your clit a few times, smiling softly at how you jumped at the contact before pushing in slowly, rocking back and forth until his entire length was inside you. 

you expected him to move but he kept still until your eyes met his. he took one of your hands and placed it over your lower stomach, covering it with his own large hand. 

“do you feel that?” he asked quietly. you could, there was a bump there from where toshi was buried inside you. “i’m here.” 

“i know.” 

“i’m here.” he repeated with more emphasis, head lowering until his forehead met yours. “and i’m never leaving you again. okay?” 

an overwhelming tidal wave of love came crashing in, choking you so all you could say was, “okay.” 

why did it take you so long to understand? what toshi didn’t say aloud, he said with his actions. the brush of your clit with his calloused thumb was an apology, the squeeze of your hip a reassurance. toshi spoke his reverence into your skin with every open mouthed kiss on your neck and his worship with each roll of his hip against yours. all you could do was lock your ankles around him and accept the torrent of love he poured into you. 

“kiss me toshi please ‘m gonna cum.” his lips crashed against yours and you were gone, creaming over his cock as it continued to piston in and out of you. 

“does that feel good, love?” he mumbled against your lips. you nodded frantically, still feeling the effects of your high. “tell me what you need.” 

“more please.” your voice came out a whisper. you didn’t care about the overstimulation of your poor cunt. you weren’t ready to let go of this moment, of knowing you have toshi here with you, safe in your own small world together. 

toshi gave you a tender kiss before pulling back. he gripped the back of your thighs and pinned your knees to your chest, your pussy gushing from the new position. his cock was pushing even deeper now, hitting a spot within you that made your tongue loll out at the pleasure. toshi was fucking into you at a brutal pace and you knew he was close by the small grunts he was letting out. 

“hold yourself open for me.” you did as he asked, flushing at how dirty you felt with your pussy so exposed. with his now free hand, toshi placed his fingers back in your mouth. your eyes widened as the taste of your own arousal exploded on your tongue. 

“do you like how you taste?” he asked. you sucked at his fingers greedily, licking them clean and he hummed, “i knew you would.” 

the pressure in your abdomen was steadily building with every pump of toshi’s cock. his fingers were keeping your moans muffled and he seemed to realize he was missing out. he pulled his hand back, small trails of saliva stringing out as he did. he slammed his hips into your as though he was trying to make up for all the sounds he had missed out on and you did not disappoint, babbling praise for the man fucking you senseless. 

“you’re close i can feel it. can you cum with me y/n? can you do that for me?” 

“yes fuck toshi i love you i wanna cum for you.” 

“go ahead, my love. let go.” you threw your head back as you let go and came for the second time, the erratic clenching of your walls pushing toshi over. you held each other through your highs, chests heaving together as you caught your breaths. when he tried to pull out, you tightened your legs around him. 

“stay?” you wanted this moment to last, to be with toshi, connected for as long as you could. he shifted until you were both laying on your side spooned together, careful to not pull out of you. 

“go to sleep, my love.” there were still things you both needed to work on in your relationship but you chose to embrace the peace that was sleeping with the arms of your boyfriend wrapped securely around you. 

[dyketubbo]

when you get a chance, thoughts on seer of space tubbo?

(i am also open to maid of space tubbo, and many others, but i am currently seer leaning)

*wakes up* oh boy time to classpect! under the readmore because seers are interesting enough that i ended up going on a tangent

of course no argument about the aspect because hes 100% a space player, ive discussed heir before i believe, so seer analysis it is, because i havent thought about it before (seers slip my mind sometimes, i love them, my brain is just the equivalent of a ground with a bunch of banana peels and cant handle having more than 4 coherent thoughts at a time).

like said with knights, he doesnt exactly try to tell anyone what he wants to come off as, sure he wants to be intimidating enough that people leave him alone, but, well. he does fit the intimidating thing, its less a facade and more a warning, he doesnt want to hurt anyone, but he will should he deem it necessary (thankfully, tubbos kind enough that he deems it unecessary in most cases). hes a bit too likely to follow through, and its bred from feeling unsafe, rather than feeling insecure. c!tubbo knows he can do things, the cc is more likely to downplay what he does than the character is (not that c!tubbo doesnt, but he does still believe in his abilities, he just doesnt think hes important enough to emphasize his impact. difference between going "oh no it was all __" and going "oh no it wasnt just me" when theres something hes done most of the work on)

so, he almost fits knight, at least in abilities, after all knights are capable and they know theyre capable, and hes very good at the exploitation aspect, pushing limitations and using them for their benefits. i could see him as maybe a knight thats actually gotten past the insecurity and facades already, if we're to consider his spy history as him being pre-actualization. being a space player doesnt really change how solid knight arcs are, so the combination of knight and space doesnt make knight much more fitting for tubbo

similarly, he does fit a few aspects of being a seer (having similar struggles, talking a shitton sometimes, sitting back and observing the world around him when he finds it beneficial to do so, generally very smart especially within their group), but not so much others (seers are often overbearingly smug in a way tubbos a bit too humble for, learning through education rather than experience, having a habit of getting too focused on their goal, and theyre overall passive, being too active is actually how they get themselves into shit, while tubbo gets hurt when hes too passive). seers of space focus more on the present than the future or past, which almost fits tubbo.. if it werent for the fact that he doesnt focus on the future or past out of repression cknsks. not that he would much anyways, but the intentional focus on the present is out of stubborness and trauma rather an actual trait of staying in the present. notably, theres quite a few times where tubbo does think about the past and future, especially when he was younger, and he does try to work towards his ideal future, he just doesnt talk about it much.

funnily enough, because of where seer falls through, he ends up being closer to the mage struggle of, well, getting their asses kicked when theyre too passive because things work out best when theyre involving themselves. mages also have that posturing thing as well, though its connected to intelligence (desperately trying to come off as smarter because they believe theyre still too dumb and naïve, even though theyre actually doing fine), so again, not exactly tubbos kind of posturing. plus, hes pissy, but not pissy enough for a mage, as theyre more likely to get caught up in how fed up they are with everything, while tubbo gets caught up in how much he still cares no matter how much he seems like he doesnt. the space aspect adds that theres.. a shitton of shit happening to and around him, which does fit, at least, and mages of space usually suffer because of their passions, knowledge, and experience, as well as they're rather hands on. again, fits, but, well.

seers and mages are a bit too focused on knowledge for the kind of person tubbo is. hes smart for sure, has a lot of knowledge, and even when hes not a spy he does want to know things and looks for that knowledge, but while he fits the goals and positives of seers (and mages), he doesnt exactly fit their flaws or what happens when theyre unhealthy. not that he needs to show signs of being unhealthy, but even healthy players still show an ability to be the unhealthy versions of their classes. he doesnt get his ass kicked for being too active and tunnel visioned like seers do (and it can sometimes come from ego trips, which tubbos very unlikely to have, even if he fits the "my solution is the most correct here, so we have to follow it" part of it all) like seers, he doesnt have any moments of just refusing to learn and complaining about how everything sucks rather than doing anything about it (nor is he likely too) like mages. he does vaguely fit where the unhealthiness of a knight can come in, propping up a shield to a ridiculous extent and lashing out when their insecurites are picked at, but that feels a bit too reckless to be tubbo (though it does fit tommy).

overall, i can kind of see seer for a slightly different version of tubbo, but it feels too passive for tubbo, if that makes sense. he is passive at least, in terms of classes anyways (note- despite how some classpectors define it, passive doesnt really mean you serve others, its not an insult, it just means you weave your aspect through others, rather than yourself. its the difference between a prince destroying x/destroying through x and a bard allowing destruction of x/inviting destruction through x. still listen to passive classes, thats what seers fall into after all, and seers are very important). its just that tubbo usually gets hurt by being too passive rather than getting hurt by being too active (not that it couldnt happen, which is why i say it could still fit under other circumstances).

speaking of passive v active, if i had to pick a passive class i feel fits tubbo the most, probably heir. active wise, id say maid does actually fit rather well. i feel like ive talked about maid tubbo before but i might be remembering a different analysis so just in case ill generally say i feel he fits the arc of going from a "doormat" to taking their life for themselves. theyre stubborn, stressed out from listening to others, like banter, occassionally silly and can start arguing in circles due to the stubborness (think that one patrick id scene, but smarter). maids are also heavy repressers, they fear being seen as weak, and are unwilling to ask for help. they rely on their environment and hate it.

and, painfully enough, some classpectors state that when pushed into being unhealthy, maids explode. maids are already intimidating on their own, being powerful and smart enough to know what to do with that power, and when they get stressed out enough, they, well, explode. they hurt everyone in one big event (think aradias actions in make her pay). its not necessarily a reckless lashing out at everyone like knights, but a giant burnout that happens to effect everyone. tubbos not at a point where it seems likely for this to happen, but i wouldnt be too surprised if something like it did happen were things to get too be too much. he is the mf with nukes after all. healthy maids are independent, with maids of space specifically, well, making space for themselves and others (sound like a certain snow commune anyone), attempting to start new lives. an independent maid, allowed to be their own person without anyone stepping on them, is a healthy maid. unfortunate for tubbo that his life fucking sucks too hard for him to really get to this point KEKW

heirs fit a similar "followed others then became more independent" arc, mostly unaware that theyre being lead around but, if whats happening aligns with their own ideals, dont really care much that theyre being a follower when they are aware of such. heirs have an instinct to stick to comfort, rather than an instinct to be independent like maids. heirs still need to find their independence and autonomy, but need to do so because they can change things, theyre also very powerful when they play correctly. however, going against what they may feel is best and is more comfortable for them can be actively painful, early heirs often would rather be comfortable and happy even if things arent going well than take the difficult route, know that theyll suffer, and temporarily risk comfort and happiness in an attempt to reach an end they dont know will be there for sure. they can deal with suffering, but choosing to stay constantly aware of this suffering hurts and they struggle with dealing with the fact that they need to be aware to stop the suffering.

heirs change by picking up on subtle details naturally, subconsciously effecting those around them, making either themself or others interact with their aspect differently (or actively not think with their own aspect, in a positive way). heirs, when self aware, want to help. thats an important detail, and its why heirs are often protagonists, they dont have the ambition to do things that only benefit themselves when they realize theyre in a position of power. at their core, heirs usually want to make things better, but learning to move on and better themselves can hurt, and it takes a lot for heirs to to let it be apart of the process.

unhealthy heirs fade. they get so stressed out by getting hurt that they shrink back into themselves, they stick with what makes them comfortable and refuse to acknowledge that they and others are hurting, wrapped up in their more selfish instincts and becoming hard and stressful to deal with. "i want everything to be okay" becomes "i dont want to deal with the idea that nothings okay right now", soon getting to "im okay and you cant tell me otherwise, fuck you if you want to take this away from me, you cant stop me but i will stop you". of course, that last one can be useful if a heir were to use it to change things for the better, but the tunnel vision on "i want to be comfortable even if im making others uncomfortable" is, well. shitty. unhealthy heirs wont actively try to hurt anyone unless pushed, but they can they can still manage to through a lack of acknowledging that they have to help. and well, that sounds somewhat like tubbo, the hurting through a lack of helping, at the very least its present in things like him not visiting tommy during exile (partially because it was safer to just not challenge dream, partially out of guilt and belief that tommy hated him)

heirs of space specifically are about flitting from project to project, learning about what interests them, impatient when others dont share their excitement, and learning when to adapt and move on from things. generally, if i had to put a scale on it, id say tubbos most likely to be a heir, then a maid, then a seer. it all depends on what aspects of him you wanna focus on, really. seer tubbo is really interesting though! i think seers are more smug than he is though, not that he doesnt have his moments, but his tendency to believe hes right isnt all too prominent compared to other traits of his, and its less from a smug "i know whats right" and more just a firm "this isnt right, i have a better idea". he wants to do whats right, but if he feels like he doesnt know whats right, hes willing to rely on others, it just.. takes him a bit of pushing to admit such

[heyitsyn]

'Siri Am I Having a Stroke?’ Sofia the First

Soulmate!Daichi x Reader Soulmate!Tendou x Reader

a/n: lmao, yall finna know what kind of soulmate au this

when your soulmate gets hurt, you kinda get hurt too

the music your soulmate listens to or constantly sings is always playing in your head

request:  Can I request a daichi, tendou, and aone soulmate au headcanon 🤲🏽😩 they're my faves, I wanted to add some more but there could be a limit? I'll request again next time ^^

a/n: sorry anon but ill only do daichi and tendou bc im not very familiar with aone :( but theres not really a limit so go ahead!!

requests open!!

so anyways

for most of your life, you thought you didnt even have a soulmate

there were no scars, no bruises,

nothing

this other half of yours was completely silent and you really thought that youd die forever

but, you

you were a wild chile and you were the type to go playing outside w your brothers and get a lot of cuts

maybe that was why you thought you didnt have a soulmate bc when your soulmate does get hurt, you wouldnt see it since youd think it was one of your own

now, daichi

he worried for you

new scars and bruises would appear on his arms overnight and he fussed over the fact that you would constantly getting hurt

were you in a toxic environment?

were these intentional?

but he would try and heal them, thinking that it would heal you too bc he didnt want you to be hurt

uwu daichi luv

he would even kiss them better bc his mom told him that kisses help them heal faster

then,

during middle school, daichi found his love for volleyball

he started training and being more active and that caused him a lot of bruises and pain

meanwhile w you,

youve mellowed out a bit

so when you entered middle school,

you were actually ecstatic to find that you had a soulmate bc you would find bruises on your hands and arms

you found out the afternoon of the first day of middle school

daichi was in the gym, practicing during lunch, and he hit a spike that bruised his fingers and he received a really powerful ball

you were sitting in class, completely bored out of your mind so you just doodled on your paper

then you flinched at the sudden pain and saw the formation of the beautiful mix of blue, purple,green, bruise

yall are in different schools btw

you shrieked and stood up, cutting off your teacher and surprising everyone in the room

‘my soulmate!’

they were like, ‘okay and?’

the entire day, you admired the colors, not even minding the hurt bc this was it!!

!!!!

your soulmate was real!!!

but daichi was worried that you were also going through the same pain and soreness from practice

and you were

after the shock and happiness of knowing you in fact do have a soulmate,

youve started getting annoyed

was this what he felt whenever you injured yourself during your younger years?

bc this waas annoying

you were constantly fatigued, tired, sore

even the mere action of getting up in the morning sucked and you actually fell down the stairs due to the soreness of your legs and you dropped your chopsticks due to the hurt in your fingers

youve concluded that your soulmate was either an athlete or in a toxic environment

during the walk to school, you raised your arms and watched a new bruise forming

it was a truly beautiful sight but the stiffness and hurt weighed it down

this was your only form of communication with your soulmate and you were sad bc you wanted to be there for him and help heal his bruises and scars

one of your friends suggested a crazy thought of hurting yourself to write a small message which you instantly turned down bc thats too crazy and you will not do that

as the years went on, you were starting to get more worried each day that you wont be meeting your soulmate soon

for almost 6 years, youve wandered over to every athletic club in your school or nearby schools to find if there was even a person who had the same bruises as you

ngl, some lied just bc they wanted you as their soulmate uwu

one of your classmates in seijoh, iwaizumi hajime, has understood your dilemma since he was one of the ones youve expressed this concern to

youve been classmates for 3 years and youve always been coincidentally sat next to each other so youre close

i really cant resist my mans

‘y/n, i really think your soulmate is a volleyball player’

you rolled your eyes as you continued taking out your bento

‘iwa, ive checked your team, multiple times, and none of them are my soulmate! ive even checked other schools too since my brothers have connections there. but still nothing’

he felt bad for you, truly

he already found his when yall started high school, almost immediately, and you were so jealous

‘but those bruises on your arm can only be from volleyball. the way its placed, its like receiving an intense ball while the fingers might be because he spikes the ball’

you sighed before leaning your chin on your hand

‘okay, great buddha iwa-chan. enlighten me as to why you think so’

his eye twitched at the ridiculous nickname

‘y/n, im a volleyball player. ive been playing since i was like 6 and im the ace. i have those same exact bruises’

‘WHAT! IWA-CHAN ARE YOU MY SOULMATE?!’

‘YOU IDIOT I ALREADY HAVE MINE!’

but you mulled it over for a few days

yea, it would make sense, right?

but it still doesnt add up that youve literally visited every single club around with the help of being iwa’s friend and going to their matches

however,

due to karasuno not having practice matches w seijoh or not advancing far enough to play against them, youve never really interacted with that team

besides, the times they actually played against each other, youve been busy due to having to do interships, part time jobs, and studying since it was your last year of high school

it was during the second interhigh that iwa finally got you to go watch them play

‘come on, y/n. shittykawa misses you and matsun and maki keep demanding your support’

‘iwa, what-’

so you found yourself at the stands, just watching the games until seijoh actually plays

then you saw the team, known as karasuno, enter the gym to start their warm-ups

your heart started beating really fast and you were kinda freaking out bc what was happening

‘siri am i having a stroke?’

daichi was feeling the same thing

he thought it was just the adrenaline of playing a game but in all of his years of play8ing volleyball, he hasnt felt this intense beating of his heart

he even had to lean on suga for support bc it felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest

‘daichi, you okay?’

suga worriedly asked and placed a hand on his forehead to check his temp

daisuga rights yall

he didnt want to worry the team so he nodded, just waving it off

he was captain so he shouldnt worry the others

oikawa and iwa entered the stands and were confused as to why you were looking around with wide eyes like an owl

fukurodani vibes

‘y/n-chan, what’s wrong?’

oikawa asked and you looked at them, surprised and shocked

they were lowkey freaked out bc what was happening

‘oikawa-san, my heart-’

you mumbled and pointed to your chest

his smile wobbled bc you just started at him and it was starting to scare him a bit

since oikawa hasnt found his soulmate yet, he wasnt familiar with the feeling of being in the same vicinity as his other half

but iwa did

and he was smiling

‘you owe me so much, y/n’

‘IWA! I FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO DIE!’

karasuno was going against johzenji and daichi wasnt exactly in his best game

to others, he looked like he was doing great but he wasnt feeling good and the beat of his heart was still very fast

this distraction caused him and tanaka to collide and everything went to hell

the entire time, your arms were crying and you were just sweating from the pain but you were also sweating w the possibility of your soulmate being either in johzenji or karasuno

but that was answered when daichi got hurt and you just collapsed, also falling unconscious

iwa, who returned from getting drinks, ran to your slumped form and oikawa, who was focused on the match and didnt notice, shrieked at your unconscious form

‘y/n? y/n, wake up’

everyone in the stands stared at your unconscious form and they started talking, eventually catching the attention of the karasuno team

suga, who was fussing over daichi, heard that a girl also fell unconscious

omg what if

oikawa was grinning at the sight of your bruised cheek bc you finally found your soulmate so you would shut up about it

iwa carried you to the nurse and you actually woke up as he placed you on the bed, conviently beside the karasuno captain

‘w-what-’

but he only smiled

‘congratulations, y/n’

bih what

congratulations for what

the nurse went over from beside daichi and she giggled at the meeting of soulmates

you sat up, wincing at the pain in your tooth

‘ow’

that caught daichi’s attention and he stared at you and your arms before looking at his

they were the exact same

‘i think,,,, i think we’re soulmates’

that made you quickly look at him and noticed the big bruise on his face that was like copy paste on you

‘oh god!’

you cowered and had your hands over your mouth in surprise

he froze, starting to feel insecure that he wasnt what you wanted

‘is something wrong-’

‘you’re HOT!!’

you shrieked unconsciously and when you finally realized it, you hurriedly pulled the blanket over your form

lmao gurl noooooo

daichi started laughing and he thought you were cute

straightforward

but cute

‘oi, come on. i want to see your pretty face’

yes police officer. this is the man who stole my uwus

you peaked your head out from your blanket cocoon and he smiled softly

‘i’m sawamura daichi, by the way. 3rd year’

‘l-l/n y/n. same y-year’

‘so? you expected me to be this?’

you shook your head

‘i mean, iwa told me you could be a volleyball player. but i didnt expect the universe to like me enough to give me a greek god as my soulmate’

im disowning y/n yall

he turned flustered and looked away to hide his blush

‘youre not too bad yourself, you know. youre actually more beautiful than i thought’

‘sir! dont say that to me i be catching feelings way too fast for that!’

i-i cannot w you

he laughed out loud before wincing, causing you to wince too

‘but are you okay, though? i mean,, it must hurt’

but you shook your head

‘i should be asking you that. does it hurt as much as it looks?’

‘nah, its bearable’

you continued talking about your childhood and you actually clarified that you were just rambunctious when you were younger so you got hurt pretty often

‘i really thought you needed to be saved or something’

you smirked

‘oh? my prince charming? knight-in-shining-armor? knight prince daichi?’

he stared at you, a blush creeping up again

‘are you always this bold?’

you shrugged

‘meh. im friends w oikawa tooru’

‘oh. makes sense’

lmao

you both completely forgot about the fact that his face literally got hurt and his tooth was gone bc you have been talking like two best friends who got separated

but you had to separate at some point too

the beautiful manager entered the clinic and asked if daichi was okay enough

‘yea, im fine. i can go now, i guess’

you nodded sadly

‘okay. bye, daichi’

he furrowed his eyebrows

‘but wait for me later, okay? ill treat you to something after i win this match’

from your bed, you crossed your arm with a smug smile

‘oh? youre confident, captain’

‘of course. ill win bc this victory is for you’

you bashfully smiled and chuckled

‘go hurry and win! i expect that date as soon as possible, captain!’

the deadchi memes are literally scaring the new fans and i feel really bad

bruh hes so cute for what

for his entire life, he had the sofia the first song stuck in his head

it was maybe bc his soulmate was in love w that show or just in love w the song

but either way, he constantly hears it and thinks about it

meanwhile you,

you constantly heard bye bye bye by nsync

of all things, it had to be a boy band

however, you were lucky bc for years it varied on what song would be playing

but for him, it continued to be sofia the first

this drived him to watch the show and he did see the appeal and soon, he started singing it too

omg its such a bop

you were triggered bc the song then switched over to sofia the first and you were like, ‘does he like it too?’

you would be going around the store, holding your mom’s hand, and singing it out loud, hoping to find your soulmate

but he never seemed to hear it

instead, hearing the song in your voice, instead of the show’s

he thought you had such a beautiful voice

then in elementary school, his bullying started and ngl, he was actually hurt by the words other kids said

he still had his cute smile on and acted like it didnt bother by teasing others but he was still sad

did nobody like him?

was he always going to look like a monster?

would you be revolted if you saw him?

then he heard this song in the radio ‘dear insecurity’ and he just couldnt help but keep listening to it

ofc you noticed and you were sad that he was listening to such sad song

he was insecure and you couldnt do anything about it

then you started looking up motivating songs and you started singing the one that you really liked

‘i see your monsters, i see your pain, tell me your problems, i’ll chase them away’

he heard your voice as he was hiding behind the school building and his tears instantly stopped, hearing a different song but he couldnt help but smile

he knew that song was for him

you were out there somewhere and a complete stranger to him but you were the only person who seemed to care

because under that teasing and cheerful personality, he was still human and he was very insecure about himself

but you were always there to encourage him, your voice instantly chasing all the fears away

when he started playing volleyball, he became famous for his efficient blocks and you could hear him singing different songs, all of them just under a minute

you concluded that they were his own songs

sometimes, you laughed bc they were funny songs and catchy so you would memorize it and sing it back to him

this was your only way of communicating back of forth and you were so lucky that you even got to hear your soulmate’s voice

then high school started, meaning your friends started meeting their soulmates one by one until you were the only one who didnt

your school, karasuno, had no one that had the same voice as your soulmate’s

some people even saw you as an extrovert and a people person since you started conversations with strangers easily but this was just your way of finding your other half

with no luck, you started singing your concerns

in no time, ‘thousand miles’ was playing on loop in tendou’s head and he was already feeling your antsy attitude

in retaliation, he starts singing ‘lucky’ by jason mraz and you always turned red, slightly happy that he was practically calling out to you

so even though you suffered through years being alone, you didnt give up on hope and continued your search

now, youd be asking, ‘why cant you or tendou just sing each other’s location?’

yes, young grasshopper, there is an explanation to that

you and tendou collectively agreed to let fate do its work and just wait for the time it happens bc if its meant to be, its meant to be

besides, tendou likes to tease you and he wants to make you wait for him so that the moment you do meet, it would become more special

in your last year of high school, you ended up helping kiyoko in being manager and you were so proud of these boys for making it to the finals

you were excitedly waving an orange flag in support of your team and you screamed with the others as they entered the court

you and yacchi ended up helping tanaka’s sister, saeko, and was setting up the plan for their cheers so you werent exactly focused on your soulmate

but tendou did keep hearing a fight song in your head

then they walked in

shiratorizawa made their presence known and you turned to look at them but locked eyes at the unique looking player

his red hair glinted against the bright lights of the gym and his smirk curled in such an attractive way that you were leaning forward to get a closer look

tendou noticed a stare at him and he saw your surprised yet flustered look

that eye contact made everything fall deaf in your ears and you just heard silence

no song, no cheer, just absolute silence

but you and tendou are practically the same so you thought for the worse that your soulmate has died bc of the silence

dread filled your stomach and you started singing sofia the first in instinct

your mouth moved with the words and you shut your eyes, trying to calm yourself down

his jaw dropped, hearing the familiar voice and song that correlated with your mouth’s movements

‘there you are, little birdie’

semi turned to tendou and saw him with a smile hes never seen before

it was so soft and genuine that he got a little scared

the entire game, you were all depressed bc it continued to be silent in your head

tendou was just teasing you a little bit and he didnt want to think or sing a song bc he wanted it to be a special cliche reunion after he crushes your team

but his famous song ruined it

it blared in your head and it got 2x bass boosted when he sang it out loud, completely disregarding the fact that everyone was listening

‘you!’

you shrieked and pointed to him

he was your soulmate

and he was alive

not dead

everyone, including all players, looked at confusion between you and him but he just waved at you

‘ill talk to you later, little birdie!’

great, he embarrassed you in front of everyone

but you didnt care bc omg he was your soulmate!!

‘omg universe and fate, you actually like me to give me such a handsome soulmate!’

now, youre actually cheering on both teams

one was your home school the other was your soulmate

however,

there could only be one winner

and that winner was karasuno

you noticed the defeated looks of your soulmate and his teammates and you almost bursted into tears

you quickly maneuvered yourself through the people and found the familiar spiky hair standing at the doorway, looking at the gym with a forlorn expression

the others noticed you there, especially ushijima who gave you a nod and a small smile

‘i trust you’ll take care of him’

you nodded shakily, raising a hand in salute

‘y-yes!’

you approached him and his teary eyes almost made you bolt into his arms but you calmed yourself

instead, you didnt say anything

but you did sing

‘come stop your crying, it will be alright. just take my hand, and hold it tight. i will protect you, from all around you. i will be here, dont you cry.’

tendou looked to his side and saw you there, not looking at him but also looking at the same direction he was previously

‘my name is tendou satori’

despite already hearing his voice, you still turned red and you looked at him, warmth and love present in your eyes

‘and i’m l/n y/n’

‘you have a beautiful voice’

‘and you are beautiful’

that ending for shiratorizawa physically and emotionally and mentally broke me

[forestofbeginnings]

while I do agree with what you’re saying about character’s sexualities needing to be explored rather than being seen as the easy option, having “just a few” LGBTQ+ characters means every LGBTQ+ player is SEVERELY restricted in terms of who they can choose to be with, ESPECIALLY since those few LGBTQ+ characters run the risk of falling into harmful stereotypes to make it “obvious” that they are those characters. it leaves a LOT of room for separation rather than inclusion, for distance between players and characters bc the player may not think the other characters are worth getting to know when those characters arent the “few” LGBTQ+ ones. as much as it is important to have the detailed representation, as a member of the LGBTQ+ myself, I am equally happy with stories going in depth on character’s sexualities as I am with them just being completely normalised. video games are pleasant, peaceful escapes for people, and as much as it would be “realistic” for them to experience some kind of discrimination or self hatred, I personally prefer the idea that in the world of the game, everyone is just fine with it, as they should be. that leaves room for discussion on why the real world ISNT like that already, how we can HELP it become that way by assisting in the normalisation of it, etc. this is in no way a direct argument against you, it’s solely my standpoint on the whole LGBTQ+ marriage options. I just think it should be a fair game to everyone, and no player should feel their options are limited based on their own sexuality and having just a few characters in the game who match that, instead of it being equal for everyone, if that makes sense

That's a very good point, thank you for sending this to add to the conversation! I'll try my best to respond to all the good points you make.

(my reply is very long and under the cut and includes a lot of my Opinions of queer rep in video games so here we go)

I know you're probably talking about Fire Emblem when you're talking about the severely limited LGBT+ options. And it does suck, I'm pretty lucky that I fell hard for one of the few bisexual offerings in FE3H (looks fondly at Mercedes). But on the other hand...my primary experience with LGBT+ rep are Bioware games, where everyone has their own distinct identity. In Dragon Age Inquisition, out of the romance options there's 1 straight woman, 3 straight males (albeit two are limited to elves/humans), 1 pansexual male, 1 bisexual female, 1 gay male, and 1 lesbian. And most of the writing does not focus on their identities. In a majority of the romances, the most you get is a "sorry, not interested" from a character if you're not what they're into. The only route with clear focus on sexuality is for the gay man, which is fantastically written (and is written by a gay man about his personal experiences so take that as you will). All of the other LGBT+ characters’ stories don’t focus on their sexuality at all and don’t face discrimination for it. 

The game isn't perfect (the writing for the lesbian is bad in the base game, just straight up bad), but it's what I think of when I say "everyone has an identity." No matter who you play, not all options are open to you. Doesn't matter if you're straight or LGBT+, your options are limited. And honestly, despite the more limited options...the impact that games like Fire Emblem and Dragon Age gave me are still things I remember fondly as a bi/ace woman. I loved Mercedes' romance in FE3H because she was specifically bisexual like me. I was absolutely giddy when Josephine's romance (the bi option in DAI) did not include a sex scene, which meant she could be asexual like me. And to me, I don't get as much excitement playing SoS or SDV. The girls like me because I'm the player. That's it. It’s not because they’re bisexual with their own identity, it’s because I’m the player. And it just reminds me of that quote from The Incredibles like "if everyone is super, nobody will be." Everyone is ""bisexual"" and...

I think when you talk about people not being interested in learning about other, non-LGBT+ characters, that's more a flaw in farming sims in general? Because you can't really...befriend a romance option. You can't learn their full story unless you're romancing them. Which, again, isn't a thing in Fire Emblem or Dragon Age. You can A support anyone in FE and it only becomes romantic if you choose to S support them. In Dragon Age, you learn a character's full story and learn about them regardless of romance. I don't think people will be less interested in knowing other characters...it's just if you don't want to romance them...you can't really know them? So why befriend a character if you can’t just be friends?

But I do really want to touch on the point you make on how LGBT+ romance doesn't need to be realistic and can be idealized. I 100% agree. Making it not a big deal and not put under a microscope helps it become normal. It's actually the kind of rep I prefer. I don’t like when huge deals are made about LGBT+ characters because it just accentuates that they’re different and ‘the other,’ rather than just another person that happens to not be heterosexual.

But literally the only romance-based video game I've played where a realistic struggle of an LGBT+ person is focused on is Dragon Age Inquisition. With the gay route I mentioned and touched on with a non-romancable trans man. Sexuality is not really spoken about in FE3H. Some characters are just...bisexual. Nothing more to it. Mercedes certainly doesn't say anything about it. She can just be romanced by both men and women. It is barely spoken about in Dragon Age games aside from character preference and Dorian's romance. In Dragon Age 2, one bisexual romance option mentions his first experience with a man. Another option is hesitant to date a female because of cultural reasons. That's it.

I do get your point. We don't need to include the realities of the world in our video games. But also...we're allowed to still acknowledge sexuality in video games. I joke about my bi/ace-ness all the time. Even in a perfect world of a farming sim...I'm pretty sure a character can make wisecracks about liking both men and women...or only men/women. Being bisexual always means some kind of discovery that you like more than one gender. Has this love interest dated someone of the same or opposite gender before? Will they tell me off-hand that I'm the first girl they dated? Will they express interest in a character of the opposite gender but can be romanced by a same-sex player? Representation doesn't need to be a sanitized thing completely removed from reality. Even in a completely perfect world where there is no such thing as discrimination against the LGBT+ community, we’re still allowed to speak about our sexualities. It’s a part of who we are. 

When I say I want specific representation, I don't want a realistic depiction of the current-day struggles our community faces. I just want a character to say something that makes me know that they're like me. That they're specifically bisexual or specifically pansexual or so on. That they have their own preferences and are their own character and aren't blindly into me because I'm the player.

I do get why you want representation to be equal across the board. It is the easy option and a simple thing to do. But I want quality over quantity. I don’t want a character to marry me because I’m the player. I want a character to marry me because they’re bisexual or pansexual or a lesbian or asexual with romantic preferences or so on and so forth. And the reason why I’m so passionate about this and want farming sims to go towards this direction is because I’ve seen it done in other genres! It can work! 

Inclusion of LGBT+ romance options does not have to be at the sacrifice of the identities of bisexual and pansexual individuals. And now I get off my soap box and drink some water because I just got my 2nd COVID vaccination. 

[spectrumed]

10. contact

The key to success is networking. Oh, God, how am I ever going to succeed? Networking? Talking to other people? Making friends? That’s not me, that’s not me at all. I don’t want to make superficial connections with other people just so that I can one day use my connections to get ahead in life. I don’t want to force myself on others, trying to convince them that I am some decent guy that’s totally worth getting to know and be friends with. I don’t know if you’re going to like me or not. I imagine some people would like to be my friend, and I imagine some people would hate to be my friend. I’d rather just forget about the latter group, and not torture myself trying to make friends with people who are fundamentally at odds who I am as a person. I’d rather have a small circle of close friends than a thousand acquaintances. But the key to success is networking.

I’ll never be an insider. This is not me just doubting myself, not some decision to undermine myself. I know that making statements about things that are impossible for you to achieve comes across as very self-defeating, but I know that I will never be an insider. I will never fit into a social clique. I am not going to be part of the boys’ club, yucking it up with my mates. I’m not going to be in any gangs, no bands, most certainly no crews. I am a solo-player. I prefer to work on my own. All my life, I’ve kept to myself, one way or another. I don’t ask for help. Growing up, my sister used to get a lot of help from my mother with school assignments, because she wanted it and she asked for it. My sister and my mother would spend a lot of time together making sure that my sister’s schoolwork turned out well. Looking over spelling, fixing grammatical errors, making sure that the text was easy to read and had a flow to it. Normal parental stuff, really. Kids are supposed to get help from their parents, it’s part of the learning process, no-one gets by all on their own. Well, except for me. I never asked for help.

I actually found it really unbearable to have my mother look over my schoolwork to see if I made any errors. Not because I am such a horrid narcissist that I refuse to admit that there were any errors, but rather because… well, it felt invasive. Like as if you spot someone spying on you through your window. It made me feel very self-conscious, in a way that I realise now is similar to how I feel when I make eye contact. Yes, I am bad at making eye contact, especially when I am speaking at the same time. I don’t mind making eye contact when you are speaking, but I don’t want to make eye contact with you when I am speaking. Is that funny? Is that odd? Well, the way I feel about it is that eye contact is intimate, it’s almost like touching. It’s mental touching. If you share eye contact with somebody you are sharing a connection. You are mind-touching each other. Oh, well… I guess that maybe it’s not quite like that, but I still don’t find it easy.

At times, I find much of the discussions about neurodiversity online somewhat off-putting. Especially when it comes to those people who are really keen on being all out positive, all the time. Those people who see any shade of negativity as outright hazardous. Don’t bring up the fact that being neurodivergent can be difficult, don’t mention the difficulties that come with being on the autism spectrum. Engage with self-empowerment! Celebrate what makes you different! Go out there and be proud of yourself, be happy about your autism, it is cool to be autistic! And, sure, I understand the importance of injecting optimism into the neurodivergent community. We need optimism, we need to profess our desire to be happy, to show the world that you don’t need to be neurotypical to be content with your life. No-one wants to be around a sourpuss just wallowing in their discontentment. But, sometimes things just suck, okay? Having a positive attitude may project confidence, may make others think you’ve got it together, but be wary when that positive attitude just becomes a mask you hide behind.

Look, we live in a society. Whether you like it or not, you live in a society. We need to rage against this society, because this society is no good. Things may look good to some people, but those people are wrong, and I am right. I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore! Let’s have ourselves a little revolution and see if we can piece a new society together, one that doesn’t commit to the same mistakes as the last one. Oh, wait, how do we do that? And how do we make sure that we win the revolution, we could easily lose, and that might actually just make things worse for us. What if this society we live in got even worse? Yikes, that’s a thought too scary to even really consider. Can things get worse? I don’t want things to get worse. Maybe I just shouldn’t rock the boat. Let’s calm down, and let’s not make any rash decisions here. We can overthrow society at some other point. For now, let’s just have some tea.

Yes, society stinks, but what can you do about it? It is absolutely the case that neurotypical people have it easier navigating modern society than neurodivergent people. Others expect you to function just like they function. If you wish to fit in, you are required to act more neurotypical. People expect that from you. Learn to adapt, to hide amongst them. Trick them. Make them think you are one of them. Be the wolf in sheep’s clothing. They’ll never know the truth of who you are. An outsider that managed to get on the inside. You stand by the watercooler, and by gosh, you make yourself laugh at their jokes even though you’d rather not be there at all. You partake in the small talk, talking about the weather, feigning interest in the footballs, and pretending to be an all-around wholesome compatriot. You’re not at all secretly some kind of anti-social misfit, who’d rather stay at home sitting behind a monitor and playing strategy games on your own. Do you want to come and join your workmates for a drink or two later? Oh, yes, of course you’d like that, but you might need to limit your alcohol intake so that you don’t get too drunk and begin to let the mask slip. It’s too easy getting into hyper-specific rants about obscure topics no normal person would care about when you’re inebriated, so let’s not risk that.

“Be yourself.” Pfth, bah, humbug. Neurotypicals love to state empty platitudes. You don’t want me to be myself. You’ve made it very clear that you don’t want me to be myself. Call me a cynic all you want, but you can’t get nowhere in life simply by being yourself. For better or worse, authenticity is nowhere near as desired as some people make it out to be. Name a single really successful person who is truly themselves. Fake-authenticity does better than the real deal. True sincerity, of the kind that’s naked, shameless, ugly, and challenging, it is difficult to love. And that’s not all bad, it’s just a fact of life. We all need to cover some things about ourselves up, and need to keep some secrets, because that is what is expected from us. Just as we wear clothes to cover up our naked bodies. No shame on the nudists, they’re free to embrace whatever alternative lifestyle they want, but I don’t want to see your naked body. Don’t get nude in front of me. I already struggle with eye contact, I sure wouldn’t struggle less if you stood in front of me nude as well.

Actually, to a certain extent, these social rules we all conform to can actually be quite appreciated by those of us who are on the spectrum. It is easier to know what you must do in a formal social situation than in a casual social situation. Casual people, they’re just so… unpredictable. Sticking their casual bits everywhere, acting like guests at your house who don’t seem to understand that your home is not their home. Even as a kid I hated having friends of mine over at my place. They’d play with my toys, place my toys where they don’t belong, or even worse, they may break some of my toys. Don’t touch that, it’s mine. Don’t put your icky hands on my bed, I sleep there. Don’t rip pages out of that book, it’s my favourite book. Don’t breathe in my room, I breathe in my room. I just can’t handle you coming here and disturbing the peace. I had it all ordered, I knew where everything was, and I liked it. Now you brought with you the forces of chaos, and dealing with that is just now what I had in mind for today.

I could never be a freemason. Sure, I have some good ideas for how to secretly rule the world, but if you’re a freemason, you’re expected to be part of the team. There’s no “I” in freemasonry. The secret cabal that controls all of the world’s governments, they don’t want independent folks like me to show up thinking that I can do my work assignments on my own. The Illuminati is run by a committee. You don’t get far in that world by being some freewheeling bohemian incapable of getting along with others. You don’t establish a New World Order by promoting self-reliance. Institutions are great for those who like to get chummy with their pals, the gregarious sorts who know exactly who to talk to in order to advance in the ranks. You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours. Favours for favours. One of the reasons why I inherently distrust many institutions is because they are rife with nepotism. You know that whoever gets to sit on the high council of the Illuminati didn’t get there via competency alone. No, they knew a guy, who was cousins with this other guy, who used to work for this guy, and y’know, you pull one string and suddenly there you are on top of the social hierarchy. Most often people get promoted, not because they do good work, but because they happen to know the right people. But again, maybe I’m just being cynical.

I’ve had a recurring fantasy, in the past, of being a lighthouse keeper. Living out somewhere all on my own, not having to deal with any human relationships. Maybe I could befriend a seagull, but even that seems a little too much. Seagulls can be very needy. No, I’d just get on with whatever I’d most like to be doing, writing or making art, just enjoying my solitude. I imagine that the toughest thing about being a lighthouse keeper is the loneliness, but the loneliness is only a plus for me. I’ve long ago decided to like being lonely. I don’t want to face the fact that I too yearn for company, I like to pretend as if I am fine with being alone. So the fantasy of being a lighthouse keeper is perfect for me, I could get far away from society and I could earn a living not having to give a fuck about what others think about me. I could allow myself to get as weird as I would want to get, not having to wash my image, acting like I’m all rational and well-adjusted. It would just be me and my seagull. How simple life would be. Too bad I think most lighthouses are automated, these days.

Maybe being the perpetual malcontent cynic incapable of fitting with mainstream society isn’t all so bad. In some regards, I have made that my brand. Generally, I like to think that I don’t take myself too seriously, but like a lot of people, I’ve turned those edgier parts of my personality into armour that I wear to protect myself from the scorn of others. You can’t accuse me of being a miserable piece of shit when I’ve decided to make being a miserable piece of shit my thing. It’s what I am, and I am not going to change. I’m not really all that mean, or nasty. I am fairly cynical, but I don’t act like some asshole. I don’t think anyone is upset with me for how I act. I’ve only occasionally gotten told off for being too gloomy. But the problem here does not lie with how I end up treating others, but rather how I end up treating myself. I don’t want to make cynicism part of my sense of self. I don’t want to be this person, this misanthrope who only sees problems, and never celebrates the good things in life. I should engage with self-empowerment. I should be happy.

It’s okay being neurodivergent! Sure, you may find other people strange or foreign, with their yapping mouths and their over-eager desire to look you directly in the eyes, but just ignore them! Neurotypicals are just so last century, the future is all neurodivergent! You’re on the right side of history, bud! You’re cool, and radical, and you’re absolutely a sexy little cupcake. You either learn to love yourself, or you lose yourself. Make funny memes, find some online community to be a part of. You can absolutely be a freemason if you want to be a freemason. Don’t let your diagnosis get in your way, so long as you’ve got that inner fire driving you, you can be anything you want to be. Go ahead and rule the world, babe. Remember, what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, and right now, it’s good vibes only.

[backtobackbakubabe]

I am the Alpha Now Part 15

Bakugo X Reader

Words: 2123

Masterlist

Reader is from America and somewhat of a delinquent with an alpha quirk that allows her to turn into a wolf as well as bond with dogs. She is sent to UA to straighten out her attitude. She ends up in a power struggle with none other than our favorite hot head. Words in Italics are words said telepathically.

***********************************************************************

“Does everything make sense?”

You were seated across from Hawks who was going over the plan. Dabi was off somewhere picking up supplies. Those supplies most likely being alcohol because he was less than pleased when he discovered this little hide out didn’t have any booze.

You stared grimly at your lap as you played with the hem of your shirt. “In theory… yes. But… I- I don’t think I can… I don’t know if I can do it.” Hawks moved from his seat to come sit next to you and took one of your nervous hands in his. You took a deep breath before looking him in the eyes, “I don’t know if I can kill him.”

Hawk’s look of concern was starting to morph into confusion, “But you’ve killed before? Right? In America?” He pulled a file out of inside jacket pocket and tossed it onto the table in front of you. “We’ve done our research y/n. You’re responsible for at least five deaths in the states.” He went to open the file but you didn’t want to see it. Didn’t want the faces that once belonged to the ones who captured you. Who tortured you until you were barley human. Didn’t want to feel those emotions that you had been keeping at bay for years now.

You pushed the file away and off of the table. “So, what if I did? I don’t even remember it!” Tears started rolling down your cheeks involuntarily. You wiped them away. “At least not really. I remember the feeling of snapping. Of losing control.” Your hands began to shake. “I remember the overwhelming power that took over.” You could feel Hawks eyes burn into the side of your head as you spiraled. “I remember the immense amount of pain it took to cause me to finally break.”

Your watery gaze snapped up to Hawks as you sucked in a shallow breath, “But that wasn’t me! Please don’t make me do this! I can’t!”

Before you could say anything else, Hawks was pulling you into his chest, “Just breath with me kid. Listen to my heartbeat and try to match it. Okay? Can you do that?” He started taking deep breaths and you clenched your eyes shut as you came down from the panic attack you weren’t even aware you were having.

Hawks hummed praises as you relaxed, “That’s it kid. You’re okay. You’re safe right now. It may not feel like it I promise we’re not trying to hurt you. Dabi may be an asshole, but even he has his limits.”

You pulled back sniffling, “Why are you even working with him? None of this makes any sense…”

Hawks sighed and looked off into space for a moment. “I guess you could say I’m not 100% a good guy, and Dabi isn’t 100% a bad guy. And somewhere, somehow… we meet in the middle. We balance each other out. Neither of us like the extremes. We like to operate in a grey area. We don’t like the being at the mercy of others who like to play God. Whether it’s heroes or villains… doesn’t matter they’re really all the same if you think about it. The only difference between us all is circumstantial at best.”

You nodded. You yourself had struggled for most of your life grasping the concept of being a hero. Your preferred the grey area yourself, hence why you had become a vigilante in the states. “I can see how on paper, it would seem like I would be the perfect candidate to join your little antihero club… but I don’t think I’m up for this.” You ran your hands through your hair, “I get it. I’m a former American vigilante who has a body count, a bad attitude, and the ability to heal. But he’s the leader of the biggest baddest villain group on this side of the country. And you want me to do it alone?”

Hawks smirked at you, “Hey, you can do this. We’ve done a lot of research. Believe me. Dabi and I have been looking for someone like you for years. You are perfect for the job. Like you said before you’re a former vigilante. You’ve don’t the dirty work before. Just one more time. The world will be better off without that psychopath. No one even has to know. It can just stay between the three of us.”

You shook your head, “If I do this… I’ll never be the same. I know it. I don’t think I could put on the hero suit and walk around pretending to be something I’m not. If I do this I don’t think I could go back.”

A cup of coffee was shoved into your hands. And it wasn’t until then that you had noticed Dabi had returned. “So don’t. You can always hang out with us. Be the true neutral player we need. Feathers over here obviously leans more towards the heroes. I obviously lean more towards the villains. You could be the middleman.” He saw your surprised expression, “Look I’ve been tailing you for months now. I know you like coffee. You looked stressed, so I got you one. Don’t look too much into it alright. I still don’t like you.”

You scoffed as you took a sip. It was your exact order. Fucking creep. “As tempting as becoming the third musketeer sounds… I can’t just leave my life behind me. I’m an Alpha of my own pack. We’re bonded. Our lives are connected in ways that I can’t even explain. Mercy would follow me no matter what… but-“

Dabi sat across from you kicking his feet up onto the table, “But your goody two shoes boyfriend might feel differently huh? Well I say fuck em then. Never liked him anyways.”

You narrowed you eyes at him. “I do fuck him. Often. Because I do like him.”

Hawks chuckled, “Okay so before this gets even more awkward than it already is. Dabi, what did you find about Crusty?”

Dabi took a sip from his own coffee cup that smelled faintly of rum. “He’s out of the country for the next week. He’s requested that in that time we ‘initiate the new recruit’. He’ll be checking in when he gets back for a status update.”

You fiddled with the lid if your cup, “So we have a week then? Before the big show?”

Dabi smirked, “Give or take a few days yeah. I hope you’re ready, because between now and then I’m going to push you to your limits. I wasn’t kidding when I said I couldn’t wait to break you.”

You threw the now empty cup at him. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

Dabi lit the cup on fire and chuckled at you. “We need to get you ready to fight him. So, me and you. We’re going to train.”

You cracked the stiff joints in your shoulders and neck. “As much as I’d love to kick your ass. I’ve been training relentlessly with Bakugo for months now. Training with you would be like a downgrade.”

“That’s cute. I trained night and day for years with Endeavor. You know the current number one hero. Besides I’m sure he’s never helped you train your healing ability.” He could see the confusion in your eyes so he elaborated with a smirk. “Let me spell it out for you. I am about to hurt you… a lot… on purpose. So you can practice healing.”

Your eyes bulged and shot to Hawks. “So much for not hurting me! What the hell do you think that’s going to accomplish? My healing is something that happens automatically. I don’t control it.”

Dabi’s eyes gleamed with mischief, “But what if you could?”

************* Bakugo’s POV*****************

Bakugo sat around a map with Kirishima, Mercy, and Todoroki. “Okay, so from the brief image I got I figured out she was looking at this group of buildings.” He circled a section on the map. “Meaning she would have to be somewhere over here. “He made a larger square shape on the map. “Now I noticed there was a parking garage across the street with a big 5 on top. Meaning the building she’s in is at least 6 stories. It looked industrial. We split up. Kiri with me and Mercy with IcyHot. Mercy and I will be able to communicate with each other.” He rolled up the man and handed it to Todoroki.

“So where will Midoriya go?” Todoroki looked calm as he stuffed the map in his backpack.

Bakugo’s jaw clenched, “What the fuck does Deku have to do with this?”

Todoroki blinked back unphased by his hostility, “He is friends with y/n as well. So I invited him. He would be a great asset to our search. He is very fast.”

Bakugo pinched the bridge of his nose in attempt to keep his temper in control. Kirishima patted his back, “Hey relax man, the more people we have looking, the quicker we’ll find her.”

Bakugo’s shoulders relaxed as he nodded and grabbed his bag. “Let’s do this.”

Midoriya was waiting for them by the front door ready to go. Bakugo stopped in front of him for a brief moment before nodding his head, “Thank you.” He stormed off not waiting for a response from the stunned Midoriya.

The boys made it to the gates of UA when a figure stepped out the shadows blocking their way out. “I don’t assume there is anything I can do or say that will change your mind about this?” Aizawa stood with his arms crossed. Looking intensely at his former students.

Bakugo growled, “We don’t have to listen to you anymore. We aren’t your students anymore.”

Aizawa softened, “Your graduation ceremony is tomorrow. This can’t wait until after then?”

Bakugo gestured to the guys behind him, “They’ll make it back before then. I couldn’t give a shit about a piece of paper. I’ll be out there as long as it takes to find her.”

“Bakugo. There are plenty of heroes out there as we speak looking for her. We even have the number two hero Hawks on it. Leave this to the pros.”

The air filled with smoke as Bakugo struggled to keep his quirk in control, “We are fucking pros. Walking across a stage tomorrow wont magically make us heroes. We already are! We have been! We were all forced to fucking grow up years ago. Don’t you dare look at me knowing what we’ve been put through, knowing what we are capable of, and talk to me as if I’m still the same hot-headed child that stepped into your classroom all those years ago. You taught us how to be heroes. YOU molded us into fighters. YOU turned us into soldiers, and now it’s time for you to fucking let us do our fucking job.”

Bakugo shoved past his old teacher calling over his shoulder as he went, “I will always respect you Aizawa Sensei, but I don’t have to listen to you anymore.”

Aizawa’s scarf wrapped Bakugo up and held him tight. “I’ll let you go…I just need you to hear this first. A hero will sacrifice everything he loves to save the world. A villain sacrifices the whole world to save what they love. Please remember who you are. Don’t do anything stupid.”

Bakugo’s fists clenched. “Let me go you fucking coward. I’ll do what I have to do. I have the nerd with me. I’m sure he’ll let me know when he thinks it’s too much.”

The scarf released Bakugo, “If anyone asks where you went, I will cover for you. This is the first and last time I will lie for you… Good luck.”

Mercy nudged Bakugo’s leg with his nose. “He has a point though. You do need to calm down. I can barley function with all of the intense emotions your pushing through the bond.”

Bakugo sighed and ruffled Mercy’s fur, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’ll try to reign it in. Have you had any luck trying to break through to her?”

Mercy growled, “No. I know she can tell I’m trying though. The only response I get is a slight mental shove. It’s something she used to do when I wasn’t great at communicating yet. She can push us away or pull us closer. And right now, she is pushing me away with both hands. She really doesn’t want us to find her.”

It was Bakugo’s turn to growl, “Well thats too damn bad, because we’re coming for her anyways. Stubborn brat. Keep trying and let me know.”

Bakugo met the glare of a very confused Todoroki, “Are you… talking to a dog?”

***************************************

Tags :

@tspice283 , @realityisoftendisapointing , @imbi-101 , @thoughtfulpandazine2 , @hotarumorikawa , @huh-iwasntpayingattention , @starfishlovingbnha , @weebnumber3622 , @mixedfeeelings , @munchmunch01 , @inumorph @xxoperatexx @runrabbitrun3 @insane-without-delirium

[better-wcrps]

What is your opinion on mods who give themselves more opportunities and stuff than their players will ever be allowed to have? Like they let themselves be in more clans than they allow players, allow themselves to have more ocs, etc. I can partially understand for mods having to control high ranks but just getting more ocs and opportunities as a mod? That's bad optics, sets a bad precedent, and is really unfair imo.

I find this unfair when in not in service of the roleplay as a whole.

I can understand a staff member being in multiple clans for moderation or NPC running purposes, perhaps. If it's a roleplay where clans are separated into private OOCs and so forth (though I have my own personal preferences against this), then it only makes sense for a mod to be privy to information from those clans in order to monitor things.

I wouldn't count NPCs as OCs, I believe there should be a difference between those two concepts. An NPC should not be played like an OC, especially not when other player characters can fulfill the roles that they do.

An NPC isn't played as much, isn't subjected to the same rules, and serves a specific purpose in the plot or story of the roleplay as a whole. Characters and players are not privy to this character's thoughts and motivation like they may be for a player character. They may be evil or a dictator type-- encouraging player characters to rise up and act against them. Maybe early on in a roleplay this character is used to introduce players to the concepts of the world. They may have special items, or be a different species. This is a subtle and sometimes hard to discern difference, but they should be distinctly different than OCs. They should serve the story and the player characters.

Mod OCs should be limited to the same rules that player characters have. No additional characters not permitted to regular members, no OCs in multiple clans if members aren't allowed that. Mods should put their own player characters aside always when it comes down to focusing on non-mod characters.

I do also frankly believe that mods should not be the only ones to play high ranks. Not only does this suck the fun out of it for the staff in question many times because they just become hollow mouthpieces for plot devices (a purpose NPCs can serve or that can be given to players) or the plots only focus on mod and mod characters but I don't see why any other characters can't serve the same purposes if this is for plot only reasons. This is something that makes me tense when I enter a new roleplay. It's not always bad, but it puts me on edge.

I think only mods playing high ranks for plot reasons also reveals a huge gaping flaw in the system as a whole. Why do all the interesting things happen to high ranks? Why is the focus on them? Why do they need to start events? It should be just as interesting to play the average warrior, and they should be given the same plot opportunities and unique role-based ones. Meaning apprentices get specific unique plots, warriors get specific unique plots. Why shouldn't it be fun to play all roles?

I do not believe that roleplay runners and mods should always abstain from fun things and events for themselves, but it's a matter of balance. There's so much you can do without having to rely on high ranks and there's so much you can do for your characters that other characters can enjoy too. And if it's only the mods who receive those types of events, then there's not enough balance. The focus should always be on members first. Sometimes if I want to do an event or put a character in a position that would focus on my own player characters maybe too much, I will ask genuinely if players are comfortable with it or say outright that I'd love to be a little indulgent and ask if that's okay with others. Surprise, surprise, the communication goes a long way and people are generally okay with it. They trust that I am aware of the imbalance and know I will continue to keep things balanced.

[countessofravenclaw]

Gastón Perida for the character challenge??

favorite thing about them:

The puns (the obvious one), he has such a beautiful transformation from a generic popular kid to the one we love, he was clearly playing a bit of a role in S1 and definitely had his wall up. He needed the perfect person to bring them down. He clearly is vulnerable and has insecurities. My friend @booknerdeepika54 has come up with a wonderful theory about him having abandonment issues. Gastón is my original insecure cool, guy who is just afraid to be rejected.

least favorite thing about them

Oxford. Need I say any more? Here is a full essay about why it makes no sense. Or more like it is not Oxford in itself, but how the whole situation with break up made no sense. He only went there because he had Nina's support and could still be with her. He literally says in S2E62 I believe that he won't go if she asks, so if being at Oxford would have meant losing Nina, he would have given it up in heartbeat. He didn't chase her around for a year for nothing. Also, the whole break-up scene did him so dirty, with the nonsensical reasoning and his stoic expression. Why couldn't he cry? Agus can cry on queue, go watch Manuel's suicide scene from Aliados. If he had to leave they should have at least let him go out with a bang and have him burst out in tears when he is walking away. Okay, enough about Oxford. gastón also acted like a doofus in early S1 and when tried to be a player, he also just sucks at asking Nina to things if she is not her girlfriend

favorite line

The whole confession he sends Nina in the S1E79. Also, the line in S1E74 when he tells Matteo about he is going mad about two girls. Pretty much all the ones where he is confused with Nina and felicity and vents to Matteo in S1. Also, I love one he says Nina when he is trying to cover up the Oxford thing. It was just an excuse but definitely meant it

I feel in love with your word without seeing you and feel for you without even thinking. I have never been happier when I found out you were one in the same. Nina and Felicity, the girl of my dreams.

I don't know what I feel for Nina. My heart races she is close and I feel so many things, but I know I love Felicity

The truth is you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't want to lose you

brOTP

This is not even a question. Gastteo is the Brotp of the world. they are literal brothers. They are my favorite friendship in media and are how healthy male friendships should be. They talk about feelings, confide in one another, are not afraid of being vulnerable with each other and have no reservations about saying I love you platonically or hugging each other when the other is feeling down. Their friendship was so strong that they fell in love with two small brunettes who were also best friends so they would never be separated. Just read the lyrics of Aqui Estoy, that pretty much sums it up. Matteo could never replace Gastón with Simon & co in S3. I am still salty that no one told Gastó about the fence. Matteo could have died, but no one thought of informing his best friend. Gastón would have sprinted back, at least for a visit, since well, his best friend was in the hospital, but also because he probably was unconsciously looking for a reason for return to see Nina.

OTP

Nina, there is no question about that either. You all know how I feel about Gastina. The original healthy, unproblematic Disney couple who actually knows how to communicate. Their story is both nerd x jock and best friends of the protagonists done right. One of my favorite things about them is that they were never exactly shy on PDA, something that you would think Nina would not like. You'd think they'd moved slowly, but in second episode of S2 we get the locker scene, where Nina was pinned against the wall, and it didn't seem like it was the first time. They didn't kiss in from of people but I think they really should have on at least a couple occasions, but making out in public definitely was not off-limits. They both complete each other perfectly since they are both different but also similar at the same time and they are soul mates. Gastón is exactly what Nina need and vice versa

nOTP

Uhmmm. This is hard. You'd think should be obvious: Delfi, since Gastón doesn't really have other love interest unless you count Flor, which I don't. Some of you might know about my dark past about being a Gasfina shipper, but I don't hate them. I just find them both hilarious how wrong they are (Gastón never touched her once and we know that Gastón is big on physical affection) and second-hand embarrassment for Gastón not figuring it out. But I think they are kind of necessary for his and Gastteo character development from the popular people to their true selves. Actually, I am glad that Gastón doesn't have any other options for his Notp. One thing I thank Disney for is that during that phone call of doom in S3 when Nina tells Gastón about Eric, they didn't make it so Gastón had a girlfriend at Oxford since I firmly believe that he won't have one.

random headcanon

How much time do we have? Okay, I'll just do this one that I firmly believe in. After the break up he went back to Oxford, but still kept in contact with Matteo and occasionally talked to the whole Roller band. He of course was totally heartbroken but tried to pretend that he was fine and doing well, even to Matteo. He did this mostly in an attempt to convince himself that he was fine, when he wasn't. The Roller band bought it but Matteo never did. It took Matteo a month to crack Gastón and have him finally admit what big mistake he made

unpopular opinion

I don't know how unpopular this is, but people have disagreed with me before. Gastón should have never gone to Oxford. Basically, I do understand the view, that it was his dream and he should have not let his high-school relationship stop him. But I am also of the opinion of that if he had stayed, he would have not been unhappy. Like I have said many times: If he had been there for s3 and fighting the red sharks with his friends, best friend, and love of his life, we would definitely not be thinking: "I really wish I'd be alone at Oxford at this very moment". Gastón has never struck me as someone who mopes in the past or what-ifs. I also would have liked to see some more reasoning for why he wanted to go to Oxford so badly. It comes out of a bit of nowhere when it is supposed to be something he has thought about for a long time. The tidbit we get has all to do with Matteo, and Matteo does not end up going in the end. Also it sometimes to me seemed, because of the lack of explanation, that his situation was a little bit similar to Matteo. Basically that the Oxford was like a family expectation, but Gastón did not have anything concrete against it nor he was forced to go like Matteo. the word that it is his dream never comes out of his mouth.

song i associate with them

Outside of Mitad y mitad and Aqui Estoy? Every MYA song for... reasons. But outside of those? Jordan Fishers version of True Love and Far too late and Only you, Lonely you from ALW Cinderella

favorite picture of them

These will mostly be Gastina pics, but my post, my rules'

This was super fun! Please send me more!

[semi-imaginary-place]

rewatching decadence part 2 because part 1 got too long

ep7: Getting to see the game Deca-Dence as a new player would with the opening cutscene, skipping the TOS, character creation and all was a good touch. Also the fact that Kaburagi could look like anything, but he wants to look like mid 40′s dad both times. I wonder who it was that decided Minato should vape. The conversation on the top of Deca-Dence is real interesting because its like only 20% of the actual conversation is spoken out loud and the other 80% left unsaid, so we have to guess what was left unsaid. Minato tells Kaburagi to not make things worse for himself, condoning his actions, but also vows to himself to help Kabu even though it is very dangerous for him. Kaburagi leaves after regretfully saying he doesn’t want to cause Minato more trouble, and yet his current and future actions are and will be doing just that. The obscuring fog in this scene adds to the sense of distance or disconnect between these two. Somewhere over the past 7 years they have fallen off the same page.

This episode again highlights how while for the Tankers this is life and death situation, for the cyborgs Deca-Dence is a game. We get a shot of some Gears lightheartedly discussing how fun the latest game event was, followed right after with what that event meant for the Tankers as we see a makeshift medbay in the streets filled with the dead and dying to really drive home the gap of compassion between the two groups. Minato is one of the few cyborgs we really see besides Kaburagi and the show uses him to show how cyborgs don’t think of humans as people. Humans to the cyborgs are just npcs in a game. Now anime and manga about videogames have been around a long time and were especially popular in the mid 2000s (mmorpgs especially) after which the genre dropped the “in a game” part but kept everything else which were today know as the isekai genre. Hot takes like “the videogame characters are actually people all along” aren’t new either, but Deca-Dence is one of the most successful in generating sympathy and compassion for the Other by flipping the script. Most of those series come from the perspective of the player and show the player coming to care about the npcs. This often isn’t done very well or comes off as patronizing, like the other characters act in service of making the mc look like a good guy instead of actually acting like fully realized people in their own right. (*cough* sao *cough*). In contrast to this, Deca-Dence initially starts from the perspective of Natsume who is human just like us the audience, and thus predisposing us to feeling with and feeling for her. So later when its revealed the humans of this world aren’t seen as people by the cyborgs or the the corporation that rules all their lives, it is granted greater weight in the context of all of us who have played videogames before and met npcs and maybe not cared all that much about them. Decadence places the viewer in the position of the npc, the Other.

Episode 7 is also the beginning of several letters exchanged between Kaburagi and Natsume. Its a presence that lingers long after the person has left and also acts as a contrast to the call/social networking apps of the cyborgs. In episode 5 we saw Kaburagi choose Natsume over following the orders of Solid Quake, but through to episode 7 he still believed in its system. Look even at episode 6 where he still believed that if he worked hard and played by the rules, the system would reward him and everything would be ok and compare that calm assurance in episode 6 to his mountain frustration in episode 7. He’s starting to see how thing are run in Deca-Dence makes life really hard and kind of terrible for the Tankers. This frustration at the system culminates at the end of the episode when he realizes the real human cost of perpetuating this system of oppression in how it hurts Natsume. I mean “Late stage capitalism made my adopted daughter Natsume cry, so I'm going to dismantle it.“ is a joke and pretty funny, but like, that’s what actually what happens. Both Kaburagi and Natsume further the theme of pushing the limits. Kaburagi realizes the limits of his society and why its time to break them down, while of Natsume’s side we see her struggle in the face of things much larger than her. Much like how the cyborgs are stuck in their lifestyles of working for Solid Quake, earning oxyone, and playing Deca-Dence, the Tankers are stuck in their role in society to leave their fates to the Gears and Deca-Dence. So Natsume asking everyone to take charge of their own lives and close that the hole is them stepping out of the comfort of what they’ve always done, which is leave it to someone else (deca-dence administration, gears, etc.). Natsume asks the Tankers to push their limits, the step outside of what they’ve always done and to believe in things they thought were impossible to do. We see Fei representing the belief a lot of Tankers that nothing needs to change, thus nothing should change and they will not act to bring change to their own lives. The Tankers live lives that are decided for them. The Deca-Dence administration controls their population, and the system eliminates any who would disrupt it. They don’t have a lot of control and are resigned to live like that, until Natsume comes along. This episode we see her do what she does the entire series, inspire people to be more. Natsume’s doing alright, she might not be where she wants to be but she’s taken steps in that direction. Where Nstsume is psychologically contrast Kaburagi who’s a bit of a mess realizing he can no longer live under the thumb of Solid Quake’s Deca-Dence system and is kind of floundering about. When kaburagi meets Natsume again... he is so awkward, I’m getting second hand embarressmen. and again the assault jokes have got to stop. The shot of the empty chair calls back to the first episode and another talk between Natsume and Kaburagi. I always love it when an anime plays the credits early.

ep8: again the importance of the individual over the group with kaburagi’s lines at the beginning on why he’s taking down the gadoll factory. I’m just thinking about how kaburagi is certain minato kept his avatar. and everyone just agreeing that minato has that vibe. I really love the avatar retrieval part of the first episode. Its a heist sequence. I love heists!. They also did a good job with pacing and tension in that part. Still can’t believe the creators put a sex toy in this show but at least this joke is actually funny. Oh Minato pulled strings to get Kaburagi out of the poor jail. I missed that part. but now the two of them are not only on different pages, but on different books. Minato doesn’t see the tankers as people and follows the Deca-Dence system on what is good and what is bad, so he can’t comprehend why Kaburagi is throwing away everything the Deca-Dence system values for something the system has deems less than worthless. While Kaburagi has formed a moral compass independent of this system, he sucks at communication and doesn’t explain anything to Minato. Interesting how Minato views bugs as bad but has made an exception for kaburagi and probably did some mental gymnastics to do so. It reminds of those homophobic family members that make an exception for their gay family member. Minato never wanted anything but to be by Kaburagi’s side so he prioritizes Kaburagi above pretty much everything else which is why while he defends the establishment, he also breaks rules for Kaburagi. Their little convo continues the same dialectic, Kaburagi’s been inspired by Natsume to push the limits of himself and society, to choose how he lives instead of letting the Deca-Dence system tell him. Kaburagi underwent character development when Minato wasn’t looking and he can’t recognize him anymore but desperately wants to. Kaburagi moving forwards without him and him realizing that he was never as much a priority to Kaburagi as Kaburagi was to him, means that Minato’s really hurting by the end of the scene, and he doesn’t take it out on Kaburagi, he just leaves. ...if it isn’t obvious by now, minato is my favorite character. gotta love the gay robot having a mid life crisis. (i mean his feeling aren;t necessarily romantic, but you know the joke I’m referencing). Turkey just wakes up and chooses evil every day huh. I predict someone on tumblr with a history of unhealthy relationships is horny for turkey.

ep9: why does the reactor look like a cyborg core? Again. WHYYY does Donatello have a gun??? idiots let him keep a working gun. I love the contrast of the actual pretty gritty situation of the prison riot being represented with super cartoony slapstick animations. This probably saves on frames as well as keep the series from getting too dark, because if you think about it the labor camp conditions are pretty horrifying but its disguised with cartoony designs and wacky characters. Kaburagi and Natsume are doing very important plot things, but the core of episode 9 are Sark and Turkey. Through them we see the same conversation that has been repeated through out the series of conforming to society and staying in line, that things won’t ever change so you should just duck your head and follow order, or the “I’m comfortable how things are” versus you should make your own choices with live life how to want to, to push your limits. Turkey sees the Deca-Dence system as absolute and eternal and thus tries to play by the system and help it continue by selling out everyone else. Sark is passive and doesn't really have an opinion of his own, just following whatever the others are doing whether its Kaburagi stealing his avatar or Turkey in betraying everyone. Sark unlike Turkey isn’t malicious, he wants the best for everyone but also isn’t quite willing to put himself at risk for others. After seeing everyone be destroyed as a consequence of following Turkey however, his new resolve and subsequent suicide bombing is the only reason the plan ends up succeeding. For total destruction of the gadoll factory two things were needed: flipping the kill switch on all the gadoll in the dome, and destroying the reactor powering the factory. We aren’t told how Jill and Kaburagi originally planned to destroy the reactor (like was he just suppose to wander around until they bumped into it?), but Sark’s explosion is what allowed Kaburagi and Natsume to get away from Hugin. Without Sark, Hugin would have totally caught them. So it was Sark taking charge of his own life and pushing his limits that saved them all. That said, if the explosion was powerful enough to reach all the way up the giant tube and destroy the reactor, why didn’t it break the tube and why didn’t it destroy everyone left in the prison? ah well it makes thematic sense so I’ll let this pass.

So I’ve talked before about how Deca-Dence’s ending could be improved to build on some of the themes established in the first couple episodes. The problem is that this show isn’t pushing a narrative of collaboration and the power of collective bargaining, its pushing an individualist narrative about how each and every person can reach out and better themself. Now I don’t think these two themes are mutually exclusive, but it would take a very delicate touch as well as an attentive and thoughtful audience to successfully weave these two theme together into a nuanced whole. And if a rewrite were to happen with the minimal amount of changes, I think ep 10 is a good divergence point. The final little arc is about the rogue gadoll outside of the Deca-Dence system and the threat of total annihilation by solid quake, and while big kaiju fights look cool, they don’t quite deal with dismantling systems of oppression at the hands of your corporate overlords. So, I would have preferred something like the cyborgs and Tankers coming together to seize the means of production, destroy Solid Quake, and take its assets for themselves. The ideal rewrite situation though would for this all to be 24 episodes and the big gadoll to be the episode 12 climax while taking down Solid Quake happen in ep 23-24. And since we’re doing a rewrite, Natsume kinda drops off as the main character after episode 5 and I’d like to see her back at the forefront of the show.

ep10: If this show had leaned more into the futility of Natsume seeking to improve herself within a system that rendered it meaningless, it would have ended up much darker, but I also think it would have been richer. Ah poor Natsume, she’s at a low point since the context of what she has been doing has wildly changed, afterall, what’s the point of improving yourself if nothing else ever changes and what you do doesn’t matter. The letter writing continues and it is good. So I’m not going to question how the exit tunnel is still intact, but watching into robot kaburagi angrily drive a car and swear is really funny. I’ve been wondering for a while, the humans literally live in a fuel tank, how is there enough light to grow plants in there? Like as part of the post-apocalyptic aesthetic, a lot of Tankers have little house plants which in addition to being inside the fuel tank, are also inside their houses. oh yeah for any who didn’t get it. The reason as a child Natsume went into cardiac arrest and her chip was read as dead wasn’t because of the severity of her injuries, Deca-Dence’s system had deemed her too dangerous to live and flipped her kill switch.

ep11: on a thematic level I might be meh, but the writing and execution are what really pull the ending through. Everything is nicely set up from the mutated gadoll the victim of animal abuse several episodes earlier to fighting hugin in the factory being how hugin finds out about natsume. I think about Jill’s lines here, that no matter how hard you try to keep things from changing, you’re just fighting the inevitable. Also Natsume took Kaburagi’s switching bodies really well like seeing someone you care about die in front of you but then surprise they just got another body would give most people such whiplash. “our bodies are under the system’s control, but our core’s are independent of it” I’m still thinking about this. It makes sense given how the first generation of cyborgs where humans with mechanical implants, but cyborg’s cores are still such a mystery. The things you can’t control are a part of life too. In Deca-Dence bugs are uncertainties that the master control system doesn’t know what to do with. More than just individualism good, here we get a little more nuance to Deca-Dence (the show)’s theme. Jill was one of the creators of the Deca-Dence game (giant mech, control system, and all), and they tried to create perfect system where everything was under its control and order could be maintained forever, and this inevitably failed (the show tells us). Trying to perfectly order everything is to attempt the impossible, disorder will always creep in and those little individual differences should be celebrated. and is to the backdrop of an old Deca-Denca(robot) part that is rusting away, plants and animals overtaking it much like how the Deca-Dence’s currently enforced status quo of the game will fall away in the face of those it deems bugs. wait did we ever figure out what the bug was that jill left in deca-dence? mmmm I’m still thinking about Minato logging out because the system told him to but unwilling to let things end this way so physically going back down to earth in his real body. Facing the possibility of truly losing Kaburagi forever is what pushes Minato to question following the Deca-Dence master control system. He totally became a bug for Kaburagi. I doubt Kaburagi had any idea how much Minato wanted to hear the words “let’s fight together to the end”, but offered the thing he truly desires, Minato probably would have done anything. mmm he’s got it bad. there’s also that linking Kaburagi and Deca-Dence’s core takes two people and yet, Kaburagi didn’t bring anyone with him. Which is terrible planning, but allowed for this really great scene. that he knew Minato would come after him. And then the last thing me sees in Minato. Minato truly is ride or die. literally. He could have gone back to the spaceship so that he’d survive no matter what, but he choose to stay. If the plan succeeds then he will see it through with/right beside/literally inside of Kaburagi, and if it fails and Kaburagi is annihilated when Solid Quake wipes the dome, Minato will also be annihilated along side Kaburagi.

ep12: so kaburagi just straight up demands admin privileges and the governing sys is like “sure”. Yeah pretty sure the governing system convo was a season 2 hook to show the big wigs. The independent all governing system tells Kaburagi that all this, him and bugs are a part of the system’s learning process, to which Kaburagi responds that all that doesn’t matter since he’s going to do what he wants independent/regardless of the governing system. the context in which you do things doesn’t matter. Also I never pointed it out since its like the 4th wall of scifi, everyone is just trained to suspend their disbelief, but oxyone is total bullshit. A non toxic liquid energy dense fuel that can be concentrated into orbit range lasers. The tankers all helping Natsume push the spare part is a feel good moment seeing everyone working together. Its an unnecessarily scene for the purpose of including the tankers in the action, since the part wasn’t ever really needed and the writers didn’t have to have it severed by the laser to begin with. the Natsume montage overlayed with the music is very good. wait. i just realized, limiter release can be reversed. Afterall, Kaburagi released his limiters with his first avatar, and if he had still been fully connected to it when hugin killed that avatar, cyborg Kaburagi should have died too but he didn’t and just immediately logged in on a different account. Kabu-Dence releasing his limits here and literally giving all of himself to destroy omega is fulfilling both for his character arc and on an emotional level. This entire show has been about pushing one’s limits and making your own choices, and it culminates here’s in Kaburagi literally releasing his limiter, thus putting him in mortal danger, and then giving every last ounce of himself to the path he has decided. The destruction of the mech fortress Deca-Dence is also symbolic of the end of the game of the Deca-Dence mmorpg as we know it. wait wait did Kaburagi hold on just long enough to hear Natsume thank him. aaaaahhh and then the ed song plays!! and then the play the new mmo intro scene. Still real weird that they’re using a cyborg brain as a ball.

[amandaoftherosemire]

Harry

Fandom: Marvel Avengers AU

Pairing: Sam Wilson X Reader

Characters: Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes

Author: @amandaoftherosemire

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 8,721

Format: One-shot

Warning: Language, (very) mild embarrassment, fluff.

Summary: When Sam Wilson moves in next door, you decide he’s too pretty and too dangerous and determine to mostly avoid him. Sam, on the other hand, wants nothing more than to get to know his pretty neighbor.

A/N: My dear mutual @fashionworld12 (I hope you like it, sweets!!) suggested I write a Sam Wilson fic. I didn’t realize until she did so that I didn’t have a clear voice for Sam in my head, so it took some doing until I was close to satisfied with anything I wrote for him. I loved the challenge and adore her for offering it. And all that is my excuse for why this feels kind of different from my usual fare. I’m diggin’ it, so I hope y’all do, too. 😊

Harry; or Are You Sure That’s A Cat? 

Sam Wilson was laying on his couch with a bag of ice on his ribs, wishing he had a roommate to beg for ibuprofen or Tylenol or whatever. He’d spent the morning tangling with a woman he would swear was enhanced because she had a kick like a mule, as his aching and bruised ribs could attest. The only thing taking the sting out of every breath was the knowledge that she was in custody and wouldn't be hurting anyone else.

He started to get up, thinking of dinner, but as soon as his abdominal muscles flexed even the little bit required to get him off the couch a breathtaking ache exploded through his chest. As he sucked in a breath through his nose to stop from screaming aloud, he fell back onto the couch, deciding he didn't need dinner just yet. More ice and rest, and he'd try again in a little while.

Those crying abs were the reason he didn't move away from the open window, as he normally would, when he heard your cheery greeting come wafting out of your window into his. He loved to listen to you, adored the sound of your voice, but he didn't like to eavesdrop. He generally tried to respect your privacy since he didn't know if you knew you could be heard.

Unless he was sitting with his head on this side of the couch, he couldn't hear what you were saying, could only hear the murmur of your voice. He thought it a lovely sound, soothing in a way he couldn't explain. There was something peaceful about living just on the other side of a not too terribly thick wall from someone so delightfully, wonderfully normal that helped him with the hard parts of going back to a life of violence. Something about the sound of you going about your life reminded him of the reason he'd done so. He'd wanted to make sure people like you got to live your normal, peaceful lives.

Needing a little of that normal had been the impetus for getting an apartment of his own, away from the compound. He'd begun to feel like he lived at work, never got to escape from the omnipresent knowledge of a world full of problems that he couldn't solve because he was only one man. Being able to go home at the end of the day made it easier to bear the things he couldn't fix, the limitations of being one person in a world full of people, and problems.

When Sam had first moved in, he'd assumed, based on the cadence and rhythm of your speech, that you were speaking to a roommate or significant other who was responding too quietly for him to hear. When he had finally been close enough to the window to hear you clearly, he had also heard the chirping, chirruping, purr-meowing that was the hallmark of your cat, Harry.

"Hey Harry!" You called out as you walked through your front door into the kitchen. You dropped your keys in a bowl on the counter, the sound a familiar jangling against ceramic, then set your bags on the floor in a thump before turning to lock the door behind you. "You would not fucking believe the bullshit I had to put up with today."

Sam smiled. He could hear the amused exasperation in your voice and thoroughly enjoyed it. Something about you was incredibly appealing, made him want to get closer. He felt a little guilty staying where he was, but he couldn't bear to move yet, both the ache in his chest and the humor in your voice keeping him still.

Harry chirped and meowed, like she was encouraging you to continue. Sam had wondered on more than one occasion if you and Harry were having actual conversations. He'd seen weirder things, but it was also very likely that Harry was just a talkative cat and you were imaginative enough to play like you could understand her ‘speech.’

Your voice was getting harder to hear, like you were moving away from the window and your shared wall with Sam, but he could still make out the words. "Well, first I had to man the phones, which isn't even my job, but fine, whatever, I'm a team player and blah blah blah, right?"

Sam smiled at the acerbic note to your voice. Whenever he'd met you in the hall, you'd been sweet and polite, but there was something about the twinkle in your eye that made him think you were saltier than you appeared. Sam was only more intrigued; he considered himself a connoisseur of salty sweet.

He couldn't hear Harry, but he knew from experience that the cat responded whenever you paused, which was weird in and of itself. The cat didn't just respond, however; she replied. Sam couldn't explain it, but the sound of the meows and purrs and chirps seemed like communication, like language. You acted like you understood it and replied to questions Sam could almost hear.

Sam wasn't certain Harry was really a cat, unsure if there was a rational explanation for your conversations. He'd hadn’t asked since he’d never managed anything resembling a conversation with you beyond his initial introduction. The two of you rarely ran into each other and Sam hadn't found an excuse yet to knock on your door.

"But then this guy calls in and I can't do anything for him because he's got the wrong department." The volume of your voice was varying wildly, and he assumed you were moving around your apartment. "No biggie; I tell him I'm going to transfer him, but he blows a frickin’ gasket."

Once he thought you were far enough away, he tried again to get off the couch and move away from the window. Another shriek of pain burst across his chest and stomach. As your voice came toward him once more, he stifled the groan of agony and settled back against the couch in defeat. "He gets all 'I won't let you pawn me off on someone else because you don't want to do your job' asshole bullshit."

A soft thump, like you'd flopped onto a couch or into a chair, and a chirruping meow coming loud and clear from your window to his led Sam to conclude you were sitting on the other side of the wall. His couch was against that same wall, and the idea that yours might sit on the other side made him feel like you were only a breath away.

Your tone wry, you continued your story, but now Sam felt like you were talking directly to him. He found himself caught in the irresistible cadence of your voice. "I let him rant a little, then start trying to explain to him that it's not that I don't want to help him, it's because I can't," your voice started to speed in slight agitation and Sam could tell that the interaction bothered you, "but I can get him to the people who can help him but he keeps interrupting me, basically accusing me of being a lazy prick who would rather argue with someone than do my job." Sam smiled at the carefully restrained irritation in your voice. "I'm holding on to my temper when he does something that takes this from regular daily bullshit to unique, notable bullshit. He started quacking."

Fortunately, Harry's purring yowl of what sounded like insult and dismay muffled Sam's snort of laughter. He couldn't decide what was weirder, your story or your cat. When you scoffed out a laugh of horrified disbelief, and went on in a nasal, mocking tone, acting out your conversation, Sam had to lift a hand to cover his mouth, stifling the laughter trying to burst out of him, as well as the moans of pain from his aching abdominals.

"'All you do is quack at me. Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack.'" Your voice dropped, went stern, "'Sir.'" Mocking, nasal. "'Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack.' 'Sir.' 'Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack.'" Then, in a tone that would have made Sam's mama proud, "'Sir. I'm going to have to ask you to please stop quacking at me.'"

Harry was silent; it seemed in shock. Sam wrapped an arm around his middle, holding onto the shout of laughter-pain, trying desperately to not give away that he was listening when you went on in a tone of awed wonder.

"I said that. I HAD to say that to a full-grown adult. What in the actual fuck?"

Sam was curled into a ball, his abs and chest screaming as he strained to keep the laughter bottled up. He had one hand clamped over his mouth and nose, turning his face into the pillow he'd been resting on, hoping that the breaths and snorts that were escaping were too soft for you to hear.

You continued to speak as though you had no idea anyone but your cat was listening. Reassured, Sam worked on calming himself as you went on with your story.

"It worked, though. He stopped long enough for me to get tough and finally finish my explanation that I don't have the authority or the ability to help him, so I am going to transfer him." You laughed a little at this, as though the memory was still unbelievable to you. Sam understood this. Quacking, for fuck's sake.

Harry meowed, and Sam would swear it was a question.

You seemed to think so, too, as you answered as though it was. Sam had no idea what was going on in the apartment next door, but since it seemed harmless, he didn’t see any reason to worry about it, though the seeming mystery fascinated him. The endorphins from the laughing fit had numbed his pain, at least enough to get him up off the couch with only an internal scream of pain.

"Yeah," you were saying, "but my boss was standing right there and she's looking at me like I’m crazy because I asked someone to stop quacking and in her world there's no way that someone could be literally quacking, so what the hell have I done, right?"

Though he was now standing, and his stomach was screaming for food instead of in agony, he needed to hear the end of the story more than he needed his principles. He stayed put.

Harry gave another of her questioning meows. Sam had considered the possibility that you had trained her to do this, but in some way he couldn't explain, it seemed more organic than trained behavior.

"All calls in are recorded. I told her what happened, and the recording backed me up, so it ain't no thing." You started snickering a little now, obviously enjoying the memory. Sam thought your laugh was adorable. "She pulled the recording anyway, so we could listen together. I went into her office right before I left. She laughed like a loon when I asked him to stop quacking at me."

A long, agreeable purr that chirped up at the end. Sam decided to stop thinking about it, because trying to figure out your weird cat was making him crazy.

"Yeah," you replied to Harry's purr, "she's a good egg. Which is why the bullshit didn't get me down." You were laughing, wryly, and Sam couldn't stop himself from smiling softly. “He's one guy who I'm never going to have to talk to again. Not so important in the scheme of things. And now I've got a funny story.”

Sam sighed a little, mildly astonished. Your perspective helped him in ways he hadn’t known he needed. He didn't know how you'd done it, but you'd told a story to your cat that ended up making him feel lighter than he'd felt in a while. You, with your quacking moron, and your wry acceptance of him as an outlier in an otherwise good world, helped him deal with some of the people with whom he'd come in contact these past few years.

Outliers in an otherwise good world.

"Yes," you laughed at Harry's demanding yowl, "now that story time is over, it is dinner time. So bossy."

Even Sam had understood what that one meant.

The slam of your door woke Sam from the nap he'd been taking on his couch. He'd fallen asleep before the sun had gone down and waking into complete dark left him utterly disoriented.

"Well, Harry," you said, sounding somewhere between severely irritated and supremely pissed, "either that guy was engaged in a social experiment to be the most off-putting date of all time or he’s a serial killer."

Purr-row-ow?

Sam looked around, trying to figure out what time it was, what city he was in, his last name. There was a clomping, scrabbling sound fairly close and he could tell you were on the other side of the wall again. When you sighed in relief, he figured out the sound he’d heard was you kicking off your shoes.

"If it turns out to be serial killer and he found out where I live, do me a favor and go get the hottie next door, okay?"

Sam's head snapped up, a smirk pulling up one corner of his mouth. He liked being the hottie next door, but he thought he’d like the sound of his name on your lips more. If he could manage to run into you, he hoped to make that happen. He was determined to get to know you better, and not by being a creep and eavesdropping on you. He lifted a hand and rubbed it over his face, stifling a groan as he did so.

Mrrrrrow?

“He answered every question with one or two words,” you replied to Harry’s chirped question, “asked no questions of his own, and stared right at me the entire time.” Sam rolled his eyes as he rolled to his back, lost in the rhythm of your voice. He found himself vaguely irritated with your date for not treating you right. You deserved better.

“Thank the good lord I only agreed to drinks. I don’t think I could have made it all the way through dinner.” You yawned, and Sam could swear he heard the rustle of fabric. The thought that you might be undressing just a few feet away made him suddenly change his mind; he wasn’t so upset that your date had sucked. He could only be grateful that he still had a chance to show you better.

Another chirping meow of encouragement from Harry and you were going on with your story. Sam told himself to get up, to give you your privacy. He sat up as you said, considering, “He didn’t seem like a weirdo online. Which is why I’m thinking social experiment. Or serial killer.”

Harry made the sound that Sam had started to think of as her laugh. It was a growly rawrrawrrawr that never failed to make you chuckle in response, the sound of which always drew Sam's attention. Sam smiled, forgetting to move out of earshot as the sound of your laughter hit his ear and lit him up.

“I knew it was on its way south as soon as I met him,” you said wryly, then went on in a confessional tone that had Sam’s conscience prodding him to his feet. “I hate to judge on appearance,” you were saying, though, and Sam couldn’t help but stop in his tracks, needing to know how you might judge on appearance, “but the guy’s shirt was multi-colored diagonal stripes and so was his tie, but they didn’t match. At. All.” Sam grinned and relaxed. “Like, neither in color nor in style. Who puts that on, looks in the mirror, and thinks, ‘This is normal; I look normal right now.’?”

Sam covered his mouth to stifle the laughter as Harry made a disapproving sound. The sheer bafflement in your tone was more hilarious to him than anything else. He was irritated with himself for giving into temptation and eavesdropping on you again, but the more time he spent listening to you, the more he wanted to, the more he liked you. He wanted to get to know you for real, let you get to know him. He wanted to find out if you'd like him, too.

You answered Harry's disapproval in a defensive tone, which had Sam smiling again. "No. I’m not wrong here." You sighed again, and the wry tone took over your voice again. You seemed like you were coming down from the aggravation of the evening into an exasperated kind of resignation. "I should have walked out then, but I’m like, clothes don’t matter, clothes can be changed, don’t be shallow." You gave a scoffing kind of laugh. "Fucking hours of my life I’m never gonna get back."

Prrrrrrrr-ree-ee?

You sighed again, this time wistful, and your answer made Sam wonder what you heard in Harry's questioning sound. "Nah, Harry, I don’t really care about the outside." The touch of sadness that took over your voice made Sam want to hug you, but what you said made him want to kiss you. "Inside is what matters and I just want somebody decent, with a good sense of humor," as you spoke, the sadness faded as humor took over, "who’s loyal. And generous. And kind." Sam didn't understand why you sounded like you thought you asked too much. "Hottie would just be a bonus," you finished with a laugh.

When Harry made a sound that Sam could only interpret as a demand, he frowned when you replied, "And of course they have to like cats."

The more he listened to the two of you, the more he wondered if Harry was a cat.

A few days later, Bucky was hanging out on Sam's couch when a small cat with tiny legs came purring around the window frame. She was on the long side of short-haired, calico from her nose to her tail, but her throat, chest, and belly were white. A short snout and big eyes made her look sweet and mixed with the short legs, she was as cute as could be. She chirped and purred as she sashayed into the apartment through the open window, and Bucky's eyes widened at the adorable cat, even as Sam moved forward with a smile, hoping he was about to meet Harry.

"What the fuck is that?" Bucky shouted in astonishment, scooting over to move toward the window. The cat yowled, the tone hostile as both men stopped in their tracks. With a careful couple of hops, she descended from the window to the couch to the floor and trotted forward on her little legs to curve purring around Sam's ankles.

"The cat?" Sam scoffed out a laugh, surprised at the enthusiastic greeting. He bent down to look at the tag on her collar, unsurprised to see the name there, but curious as to why she was visiting now, when she never had before.

"It's fucking adorable." Bucky's face had lit up, and Sam knew he'd be giving the other man a raft of shit for being so charmed by a kitty cat. Then the terrifying soldier leaned forward, his hand out to the little cat with a hopeful smile, and Sam wasn't sure he had it in him to mock the purest expression he'd ever seen on Bucky's face. "The hell is going on with its legs?" The concern in his voice was so palpable, Sam's lips twitched and the urge to tease almost overwhelmed him.

"I don’t know," Sam replied, his voice rich with that humor, as he gently scratched the cat under her short chin. She closed those big green eyes and purred like a motorboat. "It says Harry on the tag, so she belongs to the neighbor. Nice to meet you, Harry."

Sam spoke in a low, warm tone, not entirely certain he wasn't meeting someone who understood him. Figuring he might as well err on the side of caution, he was going to treat Harry with respect. In response, Harry popped up into an arch under Sam's hand as she chirped cheerfully, Mraaah-aa-aa-aah!

Bucky gasped and Sam knew that he would absolutely be bringing that up again. It didn't matter how happy Bucky sounded when he cried, "She just got cuter!" Sam wasn't a damn saint. Bucky was a surly metal-armed soldier-assassin who had just reacted to a cat the same way a six-year-old would have. This was happening.

Harry had apparently forgiven Bucky's earlier rude manners as, chirping the whole way, she trotted over to him to let him pet her. With a happily surprised laugh, he stroked her from her head to the tip of her tail as she arched into his hand with happy growling chirps and chitters. When she spun to go back under his hand with flirty chirps and big soulful eyes, Bucky laughed a little. "Are you sure this is a cat?" he asked, his voice giving away that he was only half-kidding.

“Not really." Sam was watching the little cat with narrowed eyes. She was adorable, and weird, and both exactly like a cat and yet nothing like a cat, very much like what he imagined an intelligent cat would be. Just because she couldn't talk didn't mean she couldn't communicate, but Sam wasn't sure he wasn't simply anthropomorphizing because she was a weirdly vocal cat.

His head snapped up when he heard your voice calling Harry's name. Bucky pushed himself over to the window at the same moment to shove it all the way open and lean out.

"Hey! Sam's neighbor!" he shouted, making Sam hiss in irritation behind him.

You pushed your own window all the way open to lean out and look at the shockingly pretty man waving at you from your hot neighbor's window. "Hi, I’m Sam’s friend, Bucky," the gorgeous brunet said with a smile. You weren’t that surprised to find that not only was your neighbor smoking hot, so too were his friends. "What’s up with your cat?"

You smiled slowly, warmly. He was too pretty to not smile at. "Hi Bucky. I’m y/n. Nice to meet you." You opted to assume he meant her legs. You could explain that. The rest of Harry's oddness you had no explanation for. "She’s a munchkin cat. It’s a mutation that makes her legs short."

Bucky's face fell at the word mutation, too aware of the double edge mutation often possessed. "Does it hurt her?"

You decided you liked Bucky when you saw how concerned he was about a cat he'd just met. You knew others who would never have thought to even ask the question. You sat on the edge of the window and gave Bucky your real smile. Behind Bucky, Sam leaned out at the same moment, going into an immediate mental meltdown at how pretty you were when you really smiled. "She’s okay," you replied, "but some munchkin cats have issues with their joints and spines." You gave Bucky a sad half-smile. "It’s not a mutation that comes without risks. Were you thinking about getting one?"

Bucky shook his head, his face sad as he looked at the cat that had hopped up onto the windowsill next to him to purr and chirp. With gentle fingers, he scratched the top of her little head. "Not anymore," he said softly. With a sad smile back at you, he shrugged a little sheepishly. "Cute doesn’t seem a good enough reason to cause pain."

Your face spread in a bright, friendly smile that included Sam when you glanced at him where he was smiling at you from behind Bucky. "I agree," you replied, grinning at Harry's purring sashay under Bucky's long fingers. "She’s a rescue. The folks that run it are friends." You took one last considering look, though something about him told you Bucky could be trusted, at least with animals. "I can put you in touch if you want."

"Something tells me this cat is unique."

You laughed out loud at the suspicious look he was giving the innocent-looking cat. "Bucky, you have no idea. Harry's an odd creature."

When she chirruped at him, he grinned and crooned, "How'd this little doll get a name like Harry, anyway?"

Your eyes lifted to Sam's, whose were dancing in delight. He was filing everything away, saving it for the perfect moment. He didn't know when the moment would come, but he would be holding this ammunition back until it did. He could hardly wait.

Your eyes danced back at him, enjoying his enjoyment of his friend. You liked the warmth in Sam's eyes as he smiled at you, friendly and appreciative. Something hot passed between you as you grinned at each other over the head of his muscle mountain friend turning to mush over your cat. "She’s a little escape artist," you explained with a wry grin at the tiny cat charming the big, beautiful man, "so she’s named after Houdini."

"Why do you leave your window open if she’ll escape?" Sam asked, the sound of his voice low and warm, like summer honey. You found you loved the sound, wanted him to keep talking.

You shrugged, a little sheepish. You knew Harry was odd; it was your acceptance of her oddness that had led to her living with you. "It’s not escape if you’re allowed to leave. I’m her roommate, not her warden." Harry made her chirp-chirp noise that you interpreted as agreement and you grinned wryly at both men, since they wore matching looks of suspicion. "She stays because she wants to, not because I make her."

Bucky couldn't stop himself; he grinned back at you. For a man who'd spent much of his life in captivity, stripped of his free will, he couldn't help but appreciate your willingness to respect a cat's freedom. Charmed, he laughed a little, "That’s kinda weird, but I like it."

You laughed back, including Sam, who'd laughed as well. "She’s a weird cat. I’m a weird person." With a wink for Sam, you shrugged, "Maybe that’s why she sticks around."

Sam's smile was slow and beautiful and made you feel an insistent tug of attraction. His eyes were dark and warm on your face as he spoke again in that low, smooth voice. "Would you prefer I close my window so she’ll go home?"

You surprised yourself by shaking your head. You were very protective of Harry, but something about these two men told you neither of them would hurt your cat for any reason. And Harry looked like she'd found her new best friend as she closed her eyes and let Bucky scratch the top of her little head, bliss all over her. Based on the look of astonished delight on the pretty brunet's face, Bucky was equally enchanted.

You smiled at Sam, happy that your new neighbor was not only hot, but sweet and polite, too. "Not unless you want her gone." Knowing that you didn't have to worry should Harry get it into her head to go visit was a weight off your mind. You grinned again at Harry and Bucky falling in love. "She’ll come home when she’s done hanging out. Nice to meet you, Bucky." You gave Sam a sparkling smile, the warmth in his dark eyes turning that tug of attraction into a slow burning. "Sam."

Once you'd pulled back inside, you leaned against the wall next to the window with your hand over your heart. You couldn't put your finger on it, but something about the way Sam looked at you made you think he was attracted, too. You didn't know if it was a good idea to get involved, even casually, with your neighbor, but the man was gorgeous enough to make you wonder if it'd be worth it.

Because you were still next to the window, you heard Bucky say quietly, "The neighbor is as cute as her cat." You grinned and stifled a surprised laugh, flattered if a bit bemused. "If you didn’t already have your eye there, I’d be all over that."

 "Who said I have my eye there?" You couldn't quite place the tone in Sam's voice, but it sounded a little self-conscious, like he knew, or was at least afraid that you were listening. It made you wonder how much he'd heard from your apartment since you always left the window open enough for Harry to leave if she felt like it.

The cat in question yowled and the sound was so ripe with skepticism you couldn't help but snort a little. The sound was in unison with Bucky's snort of derision, so you were pretty sure you hadn't been heard. However, you had to press your lips together to keep from laughing aloud when Bucky scoffed.

"What Harry said."

A couple weeks later, you realized Harry was gone again. You left the window open because it had always had a weird reverse psychology effect on Harry. If she had no escape, she found one. If you left a window open, she didn't bother to leave. Except since she'd met Bucky, she'd disappeared three times to go visit him when he was at Sam's.

You had been planning on giving Bucky the number of your friends with the cat rescue, but you almost felt like you'd be getting in the way of his friendship with Harry. She was unique, and you couldn't be sure she didn't have a jealous streak. You felt like she wouldn't thank you for it, but you didn't know if that was just because you over-anthropomorphized her because of her unusual behavior.

That said, you also weren’t certain if you were just telling yourself that because she wasn't really a cat and you didn't want to deal with it because that brought way too many complications into your life. She ate cat food and went in the litter box. She was a cat. She had to be.

Since you didn't want to deal with that, you thought instead of your hot neighbor, Sam. On one of those visits, while sitting on your couch, you'd listened and discovered that in the silence, you could clearly hear what they were saying, not just the murmur of voices. Sam and Bucky teased and ribbed each other almost constantly, their friendship obviously one of adversarial good humor.

You hadn't heard Bucky today, however. Instead, you'd heard the chirps and chirrups that made up Harry's language and realized Sam was talking to Harry the same way you did. Frankly, you'd started listening so hard because it was lonely in your apartment without your odd little cat chattering at you.

To tell the truth, you'd also listened because you'd been wondering about Sam since he sent you that long, hot smile out of eyes like melted chocolate. How could you not, when he was that pretty, when he looked at you like that, all warm appreciation? How could you not listen when he had that voice? Slow and deep and golden like honey, it made you think of cool sheets on humid summer nights, when the storms rolled in.

"Bucky made me promise to tell you he'd be over tomorrow," Sam was saying in that lovely voice, "and I don't know what's weirder: my friend is falling in love with a cat, or that I'm not sure you're a cat."

You smiled, hearing only amusement in his tone, happy to hear the same sort of benign suspicion with which you regarded Harry. You could hear Harry's laugh and smiled to hear Sam's low chuckle in response.

"But he's a hundred-year-old former brainwashed assassin, so he might be weirder than you."

You relaxed into the couch as your cat scoffed and chirped. You'd worried a little when you'd realized who your neighbor was. Avengers tended to draw trouble, after all. Sam was so quiet, however, and Bucky so soft over your cat, you'd nearly forgotten that side of their lives. At the reminder, you had to stifle your laughter at the thought of Bucky’s enemies hearing him talk to your cat. Now that you’d overheard Sam and Bucky’s rapport, you understood the mischievous smile that you’d seen take over Sam’s face in response to that tender croon.

“Or you might be perfect for each other.” Sam was laughing and you found yourself smiling at the sound. He sounded rusty, like he didn't laugh as much as he should. You were surprised to discover that you wanted to fix that.

“If only you could tell me how to get a chance at a conversation with your pretty roommate," he said next and you were clapping a hand over your mouth to muffle the gasp of surprise that tried to escape.

You hadn't really thought about it, but you had, for the most part, avoided Sam since he'd moved in. He was tall and broad and beautiful, and his eyes looked deep and dark enough to drown in. You figured you'd just end up embarrassing yourself if you tried to talk to him, so you'd kept out of his way.

You’d ignored Bucky’s teasing about you when you and Harry had met him. After hearing the way they ragged on each other, you couldn't take it personally. To hear Sam say such things in that honey gold voice was entirely different, however, and made your heart leap in excitement. What if you leaned out of your window and started that conversation?

You hopped off your couch and ran into your bathroom to take a look at yourself. You had the day off, so you hadn't dolled up by any stretch, but you'd also gone to the grocery store, so you weren't a total slob, either. You touched up the little bit of makeup you'd put on that morning and put your hair back into some semblance of order. If the delicious Sam Wilson wanted a conversation, you could make that happen.

Back in your living room, you took two deep, but carefully silent breaths before you pushed your window all the way open and leaned out. “Sam?”

On the other side of the wall, Sam was laying on his couch, a book in his hand as he scratched the purring cat on his chest. At the sound of your voice, he jolted, dropping the book. He scooped Harry up and placed her on the floor before shoving his own window open.

When Sam leaned out to see you, sitting on your wide windowsill, the curve of your lips was as sweet to his eye as your voice to his ear. His face spread in a slow, warm smile, his long dark eyes warming as they crinkled at the corners.

"Did you call my name?" he asked, and the honey of his voice lifted lightly in hope sent a shiver over your skin. Your heart had started to skip and dance when his beautiful face lit up with a slow, sweet smile. His voice only made it race that much faster.

A little breathless, you replied, "Yes, I did." Now that you’d begun, you weren’t sure how to proceed. Then Harry’s big green eyes were peering around the corner at you. Relieved, you smiled at the little cat that had hopped onto Sam’s windowsill to chirp at you. “I was going to ask if Harry is at your place, but…”

Sam laughed a little and scratched the top of Harry’s head, making her eyes close in bliss. “Do you want me to send her home?”

Watching your sweet little cat bask in the affection, and the sweet big man smiling down at her, you wouldn’t dream of breaking them up. You didn’t know what it was about a hot, muscular man gone soft over a tiny animal, but it had made you melt. “No,” you answered, your voice giving you away, so you cleared your throat discreetly and went on, “no, it's fine.”

Unsure what else to say, and feeling a little shy and embarrassed now that you’d started this, you ducked your head and started to pull back inside. You were already cursing yourself for being so awkward when Sam spoke.

Sam saw you getting ready to go back inside and, desperate, he said the first thing that came to mind to stop you. He had the chance he’d asked for and he was not the sort to let it go to waste. “She's so talkative,” he said quickly. When you looked up and smiled at him, he continued, "It must get lonely without her."

You grinned, a little sheepishly. "It really does. Is that silly?"

For the first time, Sam showed his teeth as he smiled and replied, “Not at all.” You’d never noticed the slight gap between his front teeth and found yourself completely charmed by it.

“Why don't you come over?” he asked, hoping he was reading your signals correctly. Busy with the internal meltdown you were experiencing, it took you a moment to understand the question. When it sank in, your eyes snapped to his. Another of those slow, warm smiles. “She can talk to both of us. And I can find out everything about you.”

You huffed out a little laugh, and the smile on your face took on a touch of shy that made Sam want to cuddle you. “That shouldn’t take long,” you flirted, lightly. “I'm pretty boring.”

Sam winked, happy to see that he wasn’t misreading signals, that you were willing to let him get a little closer. “I doubt that, so it’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

Sam's couch was long and plush, in a chocolate brown that matched his warm, velvet eyes. It also sat against the wall he shared with you, the arm you leaned on next to the open window. He sat against the other arm, Harry purring happily in his lap as she punctuated your conversation with meows, chirps, and purrs of her own.

No matter how it started, the conversation soon flowed. Sam was a wonderful listener, asking questions that showed he was genuinely interested in you, but he didn’t force you to carry the conversation, either. Rather, it felt more like a dance, each of you picking up on the rhythm of the other. Back and forth, it stayed a cheerful sway that nevertheless made your heart race.

After only a short time in his company, you couldn’t continue to feel awkward, no matter how beautiful he was. Being with him was both easy and exciting, as his eyes stayed warm and friendly, but with a heat that thrilled as they rested on you with appreciation.

Somehow, Sam was able, even when he was telling you stories about famous heroes, daring rescues, narrow escapes, to make it seem as normal as a day at the office. Maybe it was because he was a normal human, no matter how extraordinary, surrounded by the unusual and astounding, but his stories always focused on the funny and the weird. You never got the feeling that he was trying to impress you with the cool shit he did or the famous people he knew. You felt like he was trying to share with you the truly interesting part of who he was when he wasn't being normal.

He didn't dominate the conversation, however, encouraging you to share with him as much about yourself and your life as he did. Nor did he focus on his work, instead telling you about his family, his friends, his real life, drawing from you the same. The two of you talked and talked, and the time flew.

"I have a confession to make," he said, hours after you'd sat down, when the sun was low in the sky. His smile was sheepish, and you narrowed your eyes.

"Mm-hmm?" you replied with a raised eyebrow that hid the fact that he'd utterly charmed you over the course of the afternoon. You only hoped that he’d been charmed as well.

"Where you're sitting, next to the window, I can hear you talking to Harry sometimes. I try to avoid it, but I've listened to a couple of your conversations."

You weren’t surprised that he’d heard you from time to time; once you’d overheard him and Bucky you’d suspected he could hear you as well. The chagrin covering Sam made you think that he'd overheard something embarrassing, however, and your stomach dropped. "I see."

Sam's face fell into serious lines at the tone of your voice. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I knew it was rude when I did it." He took a deep breath and told the truth, no matter how vulnerable it made him feel. "To be honest, I like the sound of your voice, and I like your stories."

Your heart racing at his admission, you searched his face for any hint of laughter or irony and found none. Sam only had apology and sincerity over him, and you relaxed a little. "Which stories did you hear?"

Sam smiled a little, relieved that you didn't seem angry. "The quacking idiot. And the date from hell. That’s it, I promise."

You threw your head back and laughed. Both interactions were your weirdest lately, so you knew immediately to what he was referring. You were a little embarrassed that he'd heard you talking to Harry about the date since you'd gotten a little wistful and sad at the end, but the warm look in Sam's eyes made you feel like there was no need.

"A grown-ass adult fucking quacked at me," you said, wonder in your voice all over again at the reminder of that maniac.

Sam laughed, happy that his confession had gone well enough that you were laughing again. He was only more interested now that he'd seen you sparkle and shine. This afternoon had not alleviated the hunger he'd developed for you. The hours together had only whet his appetite.

"I had a couple of bruised ribs that day. Laughing hurt, if that makes you feel a little better about the violation to your privacy." His grin was slow and flirtatious, and you found yourself smiling back. It was hard to stay mad when his apology was so quick and sincere, and his smile was so charming.

"It does, actually," you winked. "Were you hurting on the night of the date-from-hell, too, 'cause I sure was."

"Actually, I was pissed." Sam's face fell back into those serious lines, and his dark eyes were intense on your face. "Some asshole had the chance I wanted and ruined it? What a waste."

Your breath caught, your skin going hot at the look of pure sensual interest that overtook his features, drawing them tight. Unable to think of what else to say, you sighed. "Oh."

Harry, who’d remained mostly silent, ostensibly napping, took this opportunity to purr-chirp at you, the sound indescribable without the word ‘smug.’ If a cat could say, ‘I told you so,’ Harry just did.

Sam grinned down at the little cat in your lap, his face softening, though the heat remained when he met your eyes once more. "I want to be honest,” he said, closing his hand around yours, the heat of his palm spreading through you in a gentle wave, “thought you should know where I stand, before I ask you if you want to get dinner with me.”

Harry chirped at you again, this time the sound encouraging and cheerful. You glared suspiciously down at her for a second, then looked back at Sam, whose eyebrows had climbed up at Harry's little meow.

With a half-smile, and less breath than you were used to, you answered, "When?”

When Sam's face lit up with excitement and he squeezed your hand, his smile made your heart race. "Now?" he asked, and you couldn't deny him if you wanted to.

You laughed, still a little breathless, but liking it. Shrugging, you flirted a little. "I could eat."

Instead of going out, the two of you agreed that you were more comfortable staying on Sam’s couch. Over the course of the afternoon, the two of you had moved closer. Rather than each of you on opposite ends, you were now sitting in the center, turned to face each other, knees touching.

As you laughed and talked your way through watching him demolish a truly astonishing amount of Chinese delivery, you only got closer, leaning forward to snag a potsticker or reaching over the other for the rice. He was so casual and relaxed, you couldn’t help but follow his lead. By the time you'd finished dinner, after-dinner coffee, and a glass of wine, his arm lay along the back of the couch where you rested your head and he had your hand in his, playing with your fingers. The next thing to in his arms, you had whiled away hours in a state of breathless anticipation.

When you, long after you should and deeply reluctantly, took your leave, Sam kept your hand in his as he walked you the few feet to your door.

"Thank you for inviting me over," you said with a smile as you turned to say good night. Your voice was soft, a little shy, but your eyes were warm with invitation. "I had a great time."

Sam saw no reason not to accept. This afternoon with you had been exhilarating, and he had no intention of letting this be the end of it, as long as you were amenable. You were even more appealing, more interesting than he'd thought, and the things he'd learned today had only made him want more. You let him draw you close with a gentle tug on your hand as his free hand came up to place a calloused palm against your throat.

His lips were a velvet counterpoint against that powerful hand, softly teasing, coaxing yours apart with a generous persuasion you didn't want to resist. When his tongue swept between your lips, yours was there to meet it, eager to taste him. You sighed at the flavor, spicy under the tart wine you'd shared.

Sam's knees, always steady under fire, went weak at the sweetness of that sigh. Tenderly, his thumb brushing over the line of your jaw, he reluctantly broke the kiss to rest his forehead against yours. With a low chuckle, he rasped, "You are always welcome."

You flashed the smile he'd discovered today, inspiring it his new favorite activity, and he was kissing you again, quick and hot. When this kiss broke, you were both breathing faster, and you wondered if it was as hard for him to keep his hands off you as it was for you to not invite it.

The growl that reverberated in his voice answered your question, the affirmative only making it that much harder to go slow. You wanted to take your time with this, however, make sure you did it right. Sam was so much more, so much better than you'd dared hope, you couldn't risk letting your libido overwhelm your common sense. The words he was speaking made your heart speed faster even as your fingers curled with desire. "I want to see you again," he said, dark eyes hot and intense on your face.

You didn't step away, unable to move away from the heat of his body, the heat you made between you, but not ready yet to walk into the flames. Instead, you kept your eyes on his, not bothering to hide the desire that kept you near him, the corner of your mouth quirking up, and flirted, "I think that's probable. We live awfully close to each other."

Sam's face melted into his big, gorgeous grin, showing you the gap in his teeth on which you'd developed a heart-eyed crush over the course of the afternoon. "You know what I mean." He brushed his thumb over your cheek, relishing the softness of your skin, aching to touch you more but not wanting to push. "Let me take you out for real, sweep you off your feet."

"I'll allow it," you smirked and laughed a little, lifting your arm to slide it around his neck and bring your body flush with his. He responded by dropping his hand from your face to slip his arm around your waist, finally taking you in burly arms, enfolding you against his wide chest. The laugh on his lips as yours met them tasted like the golden honey of his voice and you sank back in with a hum of pleasure.

You had taken about as much as you could without giving in completely and dragging him inside your apartment when his hands started to press and grip with a fervor that told you he was close to his limits as well. Reluctantly, with racing hearts and shaking hands, you pulled away and Sam didn't try to hold on.

Your breath still coming quickly, a sparkling smile trembling on your mouth, you opened your door and stepped inside. "The window will stay open," you rasped. "Call me tomorrow." With a final wink, you closed the door on Sam's cheerful grin. Turning, you took several long, deep breaths, resisting the urge to fan yourself with your hand.

Harry drew your attention to where she was curving around the edge of the window frame with a distinctly smug purring chirrup. When she hopped down and made a questioning no-need-to-thank-me mrr-oww, you snorted. "Shut up, Harry."

The sound of Sam's laugh coming through the window made you want to fan yourself again.

The next day, after you'd gotten home from work, you changed into casual clothes and flopped onto your couch. You hadn't been there more than three minutes before you heard Sam's voice calling your name.

You were mostly asleep when you heard Harry chirrup in excitement and jump off the bed to trot out to the front room. You assumed she was on her way to Sam's apartment to see Bucky.

A couple of months after you'd met them, Bucky had discovered that if he slept on Sam's couch, Harry would come sleep with him. Not long after, he realized that he slept deepest and easiest with Harry curled up on his chest. When sleep eluded, Bucky crashed at Sam's. Since Sam spent most nights in your bed these days, it wasn't a problem. Besides, it warmed your heart to see the soft-hearted soldier and the odd little cat take comfort in one another.

"Babe," you said softly when Sam's big, warm arm slid around your waist to snug you into the curve of his body, nuzzling the back of your neck, "is Bucky staying at your place tonight?"

Sam breathed deep, taking in the smell of you, warm and soft and drowsy, loving the intimate sound of your voice, rough and raspy with sleep. "Yeah, he could be." His answer was a low grumble that sent shivers down your spine and you snuggled back into him, still amazed that he was yours. "Harry?" he asked, the humor audible.

"Mmm-hmm." His lips were brushing the sensitive skin at the nape of your neck and you were getting distracted, losing interest in the Mystery of Harry. You tilted your head forward to give him better access.

Sam smiled against your skin, pulling you close to whisper in your ear. "Are you sure that's a cat, and not someone pretending to be a cat?"

As his lips began to travel from under your ear over your neck and shoulders, you answered, a chuckle coloring your voice. "Sam, we've talked about this." You reluctantly leaned out of Sam's arms to push the bedroom door closed. Rolling over, you slipped your arms around him to brush your mouth over his strong jawbone. "No," you murmured. "I'm not." You gently closed your teeth around that gorgeous line and huffed out a laugh when he growled and pulled you in tight. "But she's such a good wingman we're gonna let it slide."

Sam lifted his head to smile sweetly at you. He loved the sound of your voice in the dark, the feel of your breath on his skin, the reality of this: his own spectacular normal. "Can't argue that."

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@onehithero said: also we know theres at least some actual animals besides gadoll liek the scorpion n cows tht show up for a sec in ep 1 so tankers hav tht going for them re: food sources ..SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH deca dence essay got sleeper agent activated

onehithero said: i rly like what usaid abt kabu from natsumes pov too but i cannot form a half cohernet thought abt tht one

onehithero said: ALSO ALSO i think its interesting how the ep 8 conversation w minato is i think the only time kabu talks abt being jealous of humans being able to choose their own paths

onehithero said: also how minatos convinced hes like a good lil cog in the machine yet hes done 50 things tht wuld get him labeled as a bug but he just ignores all tht. the both of them can be so disconnected w reality

onehithero said: like minato didnt know abt 1)natsume 2) how the system has made kabu so severely depressed n he culdnt put up w it anymore.n minato continues pushing the just go along w the system shit he doesnt understand tht he was contributing to kabus misery.. n bc of tht kabu doesnt trust minato enough to tell him abt natsume for so long but then he goes n asks smth so big of him as go against the system

onehithero said: thinks abt how kabu n minato r obviously so important to each other but minato understands him less n less over time & kabu kinda already knew its risky to confide in minato like minato did know abt pipe which was a long time ago but he didnt know abt natsume til kabu was already sacrifing himself for her sake. n yet kabu then goes n tries to get him on his side anyway cuz he wants tht so badly..

onehithero said: OMG OMG CHEWS THESE WORDS SLOWLY N THROUGHLY SO DELICIOUS THANK U THANK U u get it u understand i love reading n writing essay lengh responses abt deca dence & again u just hit the nail on the head w this

Please let me know if this @ u 8 times and sorry if it did.  I will reply under this readmore but i love this enthusiasm! I like discussing this stuff so if u want keep it coming. I wanna understand deca dence better and i think i will by sharing ideas w other ppl. 

I think kabu and minatos relationship  is as good as it is because theres clearly a lot of mutual love and respect between them even when they don’t understand each other and thats why minato still runs after him when he hears kabu going suicide mission lets go baby. I think its interesting that minato was like ready to lie down and accept getting mass scrapped until he hears kabu go im about to be hilarious and hes like actually living and staying alive sounds great actually forget what i said about it being over.   you are so right about kabu and trust and natsume. I will always cherish episode 5 where kabu gives this big rousing speech about how natsume inspired him and saved his life and minatos there like ..who? ..what?? I think they may not be used to hiding things from each other. Also I think them drifting apart mirrors natsume and feis drifting apart tho I think while feis the instigator on that side kabus more on his side and minato like natsume is like wondering what in da world is going on. I think someone else wrote about this better than I can.

I do think minato does know kabus severely depressed because theres this line in ep 4 where he puts his hand on kabu and says like you’ve toiled enough at that awful job. and also in episode 11 when he and kabu talk and kabu says he was in a similar place as minato now in that he was waiting every day to be scrapped minato has no reaction until kabu says but that bug saved me. I think he knows kabus very depressed but he does not know how to address it cuz the system never gives either of them the tools or options for it. Though also I feel the system discourages meaningful relationships between the cyborgs so I think what minato and kabu have is likely pretty rare. Kabu donetello and turkey also fought together for a long time but turkey turns on donetello in a second even tho they fought together, he was his number two, and they were in prison together, and were pretty much all they got and donetello kills him in turn. I also think minato probably knew because he’s empathetic. Like I’m not sure about compassion but he’s very good at understanding where other ppl are and how to meet them in the middle so both parties get something they want. That’s how he got all the gamers to collect the old deca dence parts. Not by cashing in on ppl doing the right thing but by framing it as the final mission. He gets his lgbt community center coworkers for fight with him one last time by appealing to their sense of duty. He got the system to put kabu in jail instead of getting scrapped when Mikey got scrapped for a lesser offense. The list goes on. A tangent but I think the fact he acknowledges the living conditions of the humans are gonna get worse if nothing’s done even tho he’s apathetic at best towards them shows even when the system tries to mold the cyborgs into the roles it wants, sometimes the traits they have just keep on going despite themselves. I’m gonna stop myself before I go into jill and this theme but I’m gonna talk about it someday. So I think its more likely than not he knew but he didn’t know how to navigate around it also because it’s heavily implied he’s going thru the same thing and I think kabu might genuinely have no idea Bc kabu lacks empathy but his heart... is huge. When he hears minato express his feelings of not knowing what he wants he instantly tries to reach out and explain minatos not alone in what he feels. This is why they’re good foils. while kabu moves past where he was in the start where he states he does not intend to oppose the system and his compliance while also trying to do the bare minimum drives him to suicide, and finds the willpower and a reason to live and rebel against the system through his connection to other people (first natsume , he hangs out w kurenai sometimes too, and then with the jail robots). Meanwhile minato whos stuck in his literal ivory tower (it’s a Metaphor) never makes any of these connections. It’s the irony of kabu working at a armor repair job giving him some ability to connect w others vs minatos higher position isolating him from everyone else. I think kabu living amongst the ppl he harmed drove him to give up on life quicker, while minato being far apart shielded him from rlly having to see the effects of his actions I think he was headed a lil slower in the same direction. I think we’re led to believe minatos okay where he is but I think towards the end it’s clear minato has spent most of the series also in a bad place. I think he views things very similarly to kabu in that he wants to use what power he does have to protect the ppl he cares about similar to how initially kabu tried to just convince natsume to quit several times and he was like whatever at the rest of the humans who are natsumes comrades dying but he chooses to put it all on the line and try for some systemic change when he sees natsumes determination to fight. Also I think minato holds very little loyalty to the system cuz he doesn’t only like breaks 1000 rules for kabu (the hypocrisy) but he also looks the other way a lot. For example, when he overheard the top rankers talk about limiters he’s like I’ll pretend I don’t hear it also turn on private mode next time and he doesn’t berate them for considering cheating. Also donetello has been using an illegal avatar to climb to S rank again (isn’t it interesting that even after the ranked system is abolished something similar took its place). And his avatar looks the same as it did when minato worked with the guy. There’s probably like not that many ppl in s rank. And he calls himself donetello. Minato knows he’s supposed to be in jail but does he tell anyone? He’s like well.. that looks like someone else’s problem if they notice *goes and vapes* it’s so funny how little minato cares but it’s also not funny Bc some of minatos cruelest actions and things he’s complicit in are born not outta malice but apathy to everything. I think it shows (tangent number 4?) how the systems use of excessive force is counter productive cuz neither minato nor kabu are willing to report anything to disrupt the order Bc neither of them think the level of punishment is warranted. I also think that minato is probably the first person kabu really opens up to about why on a personal level he feels the system needs to be destroyed after Ep 7 is really interesting. It really speaks to how deep their [mutual and not platonic relationship I don’t know how to label ] is. I also think that he admits to minato that he envies human is rlly interesting and would like to hear what u have to think! I think it’s interesting that what really sets minato off is kabu saying he wants to choose for himself and also wants other cyborgs to have that freedom and I think it’s one of the few times we see minato get genuinely angry and have it not stem from worry. Tangent 5 I’m really extrapolating here but I think it’s very likely given how high up minato is that he likely knows of several cyborgs that rebelled against the system for similar reasons as kabu and knows how it ends and I think it probably feeds into his defeatist attitude. I think his role in the system must really kill whatever grasp of whatever minato has cuz he constantly has to act like it’s almost the end of the world and he’s strapped for resources all the time for like decades and decades of having to fake that type of desperation to entertain ur player base and cuz ur also on tv to entertain the general populace to distract them from their soul sucking jobs. I think that’s gotta mess with his perception of himself and also his ability to see that struggle as real and genuine. I think that’s also gotta be hard cuz he seems like out of his whole fuck we r under attack persona he seems like he’s a lil closed off but generally chill and somewhat upbeat to ppl who know him and he just wants to be isabella from animal crossing. I got really off track here. I think what really gets me is their relationship is built on knowing each other so well and so long , and how it’s managed to survive and persist through all this tragedy. They really mutually respect and love each other and that’s why kabu let’s minato walk away from his revolution even tho it compromises everything he works for. It’s why minato ultimently accepts kabus willingness to die for a tanker even tho he really doesn’t get it at all and it means it’s goodbye forever. But it’s still not enough to save either of them. Minato can’t save kabu from trying to passively starving himself to death and I’m not sure if kabu even knows where minato is at mentally. Sometimes no matter how close u are to someone there r things u miss and things u can’t help each other with. Even tho the two resolve to fight and then die together cuz this seems like the best choice Bc the system they were born into offers no alternatives, the deca dence doesn’t even activate without the help of other ppl. I think it shows one relationship cant support all that weight. In the end it is through their bonds with other ppl that gets them to an ending where they both survive when they decided alone their only option is death. Also u are so right about the other animals existing I totally forgot ty I cannot believe I forgot about the scorpion which calls to natsumes hairstyle which is a visual gag on how natsumes a bug and how like a scorpion, although unassuming, and fucking kill u, just like how her trying to get her boss to open up eventually leads to the whole thing toppling down. I also have a lot of thoughts about natsume but I’m still thinking of them and thinking hard Bc sometimes she becomes kabus inspiration Pinterest board and I don’t like that. When she shines she really shines but it starts getting sloppy towards the end so I have to think a lil longer about it. Okay I’m done. Also it’s kinda hard for me to look like I’m agreeing to ur points and nodding in this format but I really appreciate ur thoughts and will try to convey this. Maybe by formatting as a response to each of ur replies next time