#it does uh. not feel great

[alliluyevas]

at work on first day of an early period with no pain meds. god help me i can leave in an hour.

[feline-evil]

Dethvanity is really funny to me conceptually as an episode because you can see how little they had to make the characters insecure about for the bit. They swing for obvious lowblow choices with Pickle' baldness and Nathan's weight and even those require some suspension of disbelief because ok. Sure. Nathan '(said extremely proudly) never skipped a meal in my life!' Explosion is insecure about being a big man now. Nathan *guy who everyone thinks is smoking hot 99% of the time* Explosion is a tiny bit larger than usual and is insecure about it now. Lol. Lmao even.

But anyway then we hit Skwisgaar and Toki and there's like NOTHING to swing for, you can see them going uhhh ok Skwis doesn't sleep he probably drinks a lot of coffee, and Toki? Shit, what does Toki have to be insecure about with his looks. He's perfect, he's adorable, he's ripped. Um. FUCK IT, HE'S DOING NOTHING BUT EATING LEMONS. WE GOT NOTHING, WE GOT NOTHING, JUST GIVE THE BOY CITRUS FRUITS.

WOE 🍋 BE UPON YE

I'm sure i could make some smarter points about the attempts at applying vanity in this ep and how outside of this and a few other moments i do actually like that the show rarely takes pot shots at things like Nathan's weight, but you see Nathan has shirtless scenes in this one and so my intelligence is impeded when all the blood rushes out of my head and into my-

[ella-and-her-art]

Vague doodles of Gale and Mystra. I’ve been thinking a lot about what it might have been like back when it was good. I think maybe he loved her because he thought he could make her human

[michelle-jacksons-art-blog]

Hi hello have this somewhat old Jonmartin kids concept ideas while I try not to die

[brutal-nemesis]

Goretober III: Hematemesis (Written By Nemesis)

This one funny to me haha Castys so miserable he super loves the @coyotehusk goretober

←Previous - Castys Masterlist - Goretober Masterlist - Next→

Ingredients: chocolate, emeto (blood!), poison, gore, noncon touching that is a little bit more intimate than normal but still unsexy

Today’s restraint of choice was a metal collar around his neck that was chained to the floor, and Castys wasn’t really a fan. Sure, it gave him more freedom of movement than the table or dangling on a hook, but it didn’t really matter when Kuro could pin all of his limbs down and still have her hands free, which was super unfair. And the chain attached to his collar was long enough to allow him to sit up, but he couldn’t stand at all, which he supposed was better than being forced to stand and not able to sit, but still. 

Right now, though, Kuro was sitting across from him, holding out what appeared to be a piece of chocolate. “Here, Castys. You deserve a little treat for being a good boy so far.”

“You know I’m, like, way older than you, right?”

“You’d be surprised,” she laughed. And hey, maybe she was pretty old, too, considering that he didn’t even know what exactly she even was.

He kind of wanted to refuse the chocolate on principle, but he was also not one to turn down a little treat, especially if it was candy. Warily, he took it, watching Kuro as he put it in his mouth, but she just watched him right back, unreadable as ever. The chocolate was good, and it’d been a long time since he’d had something sweet, or any food at all, really, so he tried to savor it, but the longer he kept it in his mouth, the more he started to taste something…odd.

He was a fucking idiot this wasn’t just chocolate of course it was laced with something-But as soon as he tried to spit it out, Kuro pounced on him, pinning his wrists next to his head, her hand covering his mouth. “Swallow, Castys. You deserve it, remember?” Castys tried to squirm free and spit what was left of the chocolate in her face, but Kuro didn’t budge, so he was forced to chew the rest of the chocolate and swallow, since it would just melt in his mouth if he kept it there. “There you go,” Kuro said, stroking his face and causing him to flinch, which of course just made her laugh. It was always so funny to everyone how much Castys hated being touched!

Finally, she got off of him, allowing Castys to sit up and scoot as far away from her as his short chain would allow. “What the fuck was in that?”

“We’ll see, won’t we?” Castys sighed in annoyance and crossed his arms, waiting for whatever stupid drug or poison she’d fed him to take effect. He felt fine at the moment, maybe a little chest pain, but…okay, it was starting to get worse. As time went on, the pain only got sharper, and he started to get nauseous, which wasn’t really unexpected but still not fun. 

Soon enough he really, really had to puke, but Kuro was still sitting there, just staring at him, and he didn’t want to give her the satisfaction. However, his stomach didn’t give a shit about Kuro, forcing him to lurch forward on his hands and knees and vomit. It sounded more…solid than he was expecting, like there were little bits of something in it, but it was hard to tell by looking at the dark puddle between his hands.

Having a Suspicion, he wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, and…yep, that was blood. “What’d you do to me?” he groaned, feeling even worse now that he’d thrown up, like the worst heartburn ever combined with an awful stomachache.

“It’s a special poison that sort of…destroys your stomach lining,” Kuro said lightly. “So your stomach acid is digesting you from the inside right now. I want to see if it’ll get fixed when you die.”

“It won’t.” Castys gave up and laid down on the cold stone floor, already feeling nauseous again. Well, this sucked ass. The acid was gonna eat through him no matter how many times he died until it…ran out? Did acid run out? Probably. Didn’t matter right now, he was gonna puke again, and he was barely able to get upright before even more blood spewed out of his mouth, splattering all over his arms and hands. 

Kuro laughed and picked up a little red chunk of something. “Ooh, I think this is part of your stomach. Looks like little pieces of you are coming up now instead of just blood clots.” Castys didn’t have the energy to reply, just lying curled up on his side as he coughed blood out of his nose and mouth, waiting for the next delivery of corroded bits from inside himself as the world spun out of focus.

He could hardly tell when he’d died or come back to life, the pain never really went away despite him having a stomach lining again since the rogue acid was no longer in his stomach. At some point Kuro tackled him so she could wrench his shirt up and look at the fun shade of purple his stomach area had turned, poking at it with interest. He’d stopped puking now and was just stuck lying there and groaning as his insides turned into soup.

It would stop eventually.

Right?

Next→

Castys Cult: @as-a-matter-of-whump​ @blackrosesandwhump​ @fanmanga1357-blog​​ @thehopelessopus​ @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi​ @hearse-song​ @muddy-swamp-bitch @whumpasaurus101 @yet-another-heathen​​ @galaxywhump​ @starnight-whump​ @his-unspoken-words​ @misspelledwitch​ @suspicious-whumping-egg​ @pumpkin-spice-whump​ @painsandconfusion​ @i-can-even-burn-salad​​ @befuddled-calico-whump​ @whumpinggrounds​ @whump-queen​ @whumpedydump​

[doctorbrown]

Do you think Doc is a good mentor? Why or why not?

There's not a shadow of a doubt in my mind when I say yes, Doc is a good mentor. A great mentor, actually.

It's easy to cast him aside because Doc's extremely eccentric and most people, if they're not afraid of him/extremely wary of him, they think he's out of his mind because he's not afraid to push boundaries and challenge everything around him, but Doc is practically meant to be a mentor. He slotted so perfectly into the role without even realising it when Marty came along and it just kind of continued from there, spilling over with Jen, his own kids/family, and even (eventually) Marty & Jen's kids.

Before I even get into my ramblings/explanations, all we really need to do is look at his relationship with Marty to see that. While Marty may be the main protagonist/focus across all three films, every change and good thing that subsequently happens with the new Lone Pine timeline is indirectly because of Doc and the mentorship/guidance he's given to Marty since the day they met.

Some examples we see of Doc's mentorship/friendship and the impact it has upon Marty:

He has not only built up Marty's confidence and self-esteem, but encouraged him to always pursue his dreams. You can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it. That very advice changes the course of George & Lorraine's lives entirely. And Doc himself is living proof of that. It's not just something he tells the kid. Hell, even Jen says in pt1, 'It's like Doc's always saying—'

Doc has never treated Marty like he was stupid, unintelligent, or just some kid who wouldn't understand. There are always multiple ways of tackling a problem and Doc shows him this when he finds other ways to explain the scientific/technical parts of whatever he's working on, because he knows Marty enjoys hearing about it and being included.

He may have kept the time machine project a secret from Marty for a few years, but as a true mentor does, once the time comes for temporal experiment number one, he's not only inviting Marty along, but eagerly explaining exactly how the machine works.

Doc is incredibly attentive and this makes him a very good mentor, especially with Marty. Even at the beginning of pt1, before we have any idea who Doc is, we learn that Doc knows Marty enough to ring his own home with the idea that he'd be there to pick up the phone.

Encouraged him to pursue his music dreams, instilling in him the belief that he doesn't have to pursue a career as a teacher or a scientist or a lawyer just because it's what everyone else does. Doc goes so far as to purchase/keep a guitar in the garage specifically for Marty. Doc doesn't play.

Given him the chance to get advice from somebody attentive who wasn't his parent and wouldn't treat him as such. Doc has such a wealth of life experience and advice to offer and everything can be a teaching moment.

Gave him the tools to make a difference in his own life, and we see this especially at the end of pt3, when Marty finally learns how to not fall victim to being goaded/peer pressured into losing his temper by being called a chicken.

And now that I've gotten some of those out of the way, I'm going to keep rambling.

Another thing that makes Doc a good mentor is that Doc is not a one size fits all kind of guy in his approach to things. He tailors everything to best tackle the problem at hand, and this extends to people, too. The way he teaches Jules something won't be the way he teaches Verne something, or Marty something. A good mentor understands the person they're working with, I think, and knows the best ways to impart their wisdom and knowledge on them and Doc is exceptional at this.

But another thing that makes Doc a good mentor is that he typically doesn't hold things back, and this is something I think makes all the difference when trying to teach someone. There's a fine line that has to walk and sometimes, criticism and harsh reality is part of that.

Doc's rather open and honest with those around him (he doesn't sugarcoat harsh truths/realities and even in the deleted/scrapped scene back in '55 when Marty asks him how long he'd have if getting his parents together at the dance didn't pan out, Doc straight up admits that he has no idea. And sure, you can argue that well, that's '55 Doc and he didn't really know Marty then, but he does that throughout the films enough that my point still stands.)

One could try and make the argument that he's reckless and therefore not fit to be a mentor to anyone younger than him (or at all I guess) but at every turn, we always see Doc being the first one to stick his neck out and try to protect others. Granted, there are circumstances/situations that were simply unavoidable (Marty can't repair the time machine for example, so he had to go off and deal with Biff, etc) but for the most part, when the chance was there, this holds:

A second lab for the nuclear/more dangerous experiments. Run for it, Marty! I'll draw their fire! (Also the fact that Doc's genuinely surprised that they found him implies that he attempted to take some measure of precaution in his dealings with them to get the plutonium but, clearly, it wasn't enough.) The entire Clock Tower scene at the end of pt1. The constant reminders about the dangers of being seen in the past. The Delgado mine plan and the emphasised don't come back for me, go home and watch my dog and be safe. There's so much.

[charnel-doll]

I always say I just like danceable music but then I sit here listening to dark ambient albums for hours. Like a liar

[whumpacabra]

Session #15

Therapy, angst, past trauma, past dehumanization, implied past violence, bar fight mention, neonazi mention, referenced past character deaths, dubious psychology by fault of the author

[Follows Bared]

“It was fine until…until we got back to the house. It was late - everyone was asleep and we all went to our rooms and - ” East’s breathing shuddered. He wasn’t crying - not yet, an impressive 20 minutes into the session - but he was feeling the vice of terror squeeze his heart. “I just…I know he was an asshole, and he probably deserved it - or worse - but - I - I enjoyed it.”

“I probably would too; there’s catharsis in taking someone like that down a peg.” Judy hadn’t been critical of his parole violation - (he wasn’t actually on parole, he had to remind himself) - she was more interested in its aftermath. Which, for once, East wanted to talk about.

“It wasn’t just, as you said, taking him down a peg. It - it felt like before. When Smith would have me…y’know…” He trailed off, clearing his throat and reaching for a paper cup of water. Drinking helped him keep his voice. Judy nodded, brow knit in concern.

“Was it like a flashback, like you were feeling the way you did when he made you kill for him?”

“No - no, maybe?” East cringed, running his fingers through his hair. (It was getting long - he wasn’t sure he wanted a haircut. He wasn’t sure if he would like who he saw in the mirror after.) “It…felt safe - controlled?”

“Control I think is the right word. Smith never let you express yourself outside of when he made you kill for his entertainment. You were safe to do as you wished within the scope of his orders.”

(Except the one time he wasn’t. Except the one time he tried to be creative - to show mercy the only way he knew how - and oh, how that choice fucked him later.)

(…)

(Well, he was here, alive and free, wasn’t he?)

“I guess…yeah, the control part - controlling the situation, it felt good. But…” He bit the insider of his cheek, shame creeping up his throat. “The way he looked at me, at the end - I just - I know how that feels. And I don’t know how to feel about that.”

“Well, as much of a wanker as he is, that skinhead is still human. He still feels fear and pain and shame just like the rest of us.”

“That doesn’t mean - but he’s still a skinhead and, and I should feel good kicking the shit out of him, right? I just felt…dirty. The way he looked at me...”

East shuddered, remembering coming home that night, sitting in the dark quiet of the house. How quickly the ghosts came for him, how little sleep he stole away.

“Smith made me feel that way. And I made that piece of shit feel the same. I - I mean, like - I could have been that piece of shit, when Smith - y’know - and, and I just - I wonder if that was how Smith felt. When he hurt me. It felt good - being in control, knowing that punk was scared of me, wouldn’t look me in the eye. Wouldn’t fight back anymore.”

And that was the heart of it, wasn’t it? East wasn’t upset because he empathized with a pathetic dickhead he scared the daylights out of. He was upset because he empathized with Smith - the heady rush of power, the security of being feared.

“What was the goal of fighting him?”

“He…Alister wanted to be left alone and he wouldn’t leave. I needed to make him leave because nobody else would.”

“Did you want to kill him?”

“No - no, I only threw his knife after him to scare him.” The question startled East from his spiral. He didn’t kill. He didn’t have to kill anymore. He didn’t want to kill anymore. So he didn’t.

“Do you regret it?”

(Did he?)

“No…he was an asshole. He wasn’t going to leave without a fight, or Alister, or both.” East avoided eye contact, trying not to think about what would have happened if he wasn’t there. If all of Tierney’s 151 cm of fiery drunkeness was pit against someone as hateful and hungry for violence as that punk.

“You saw your friend was in trouble. You took control of the situation - not the person causing it. You created a situation where he chose to leave, and you let him leave.” Judy glanced up from her notes. “You are not Smith, East. You didn’t trap him there. Whatever hits you threw were precise and efficient; you could have kicked the shit out of him, beaten him to a bloody pulp, and to be quite honest I don’t think anyone in that bar would have had an issue with it.”

“But - ”

“East, you let him go when he wanted to leave. Would Smith have done that?”

(No. Never. Smith would have meted out a punishment. Nothing but immediate and complete surrender was good enough for Smith.)

“Still feel like shit about it.” He managed to mumbled, swallowing back tearful words.

“Smith was human too, East. He was a fucking monster, but still just a human, like you and me and that prick from the bar.”

“If this is supposed to make me feel better, it isn’t.”

“You’re human too, East. You're going to have moments of your life that you're not proud of. You're going to say cruel, thoughtless things and behave inappropriately and upset other people. You're going to do things that feel good in the moment that you regret later. That dickhead at the bar didn’t regret what he said to you and your friends in the moment because he didn’t see you as people entitled to basic human decency. Just because he learned to regret that choice doesn’t mean you did something wrong.”

East nodded, digesting the information.

“Smith didn’t regret what he did to you because he didn’t see you as a person. He didn’t treat you with any respect or basic human dignity because he thought you didn’t deserve it. He was wrong, of course, but he didn't regret it.” Judy’s smile was tinged with wry bitterness. “If you can look a skinhead in the eye after kicking his ass and still see that he’s still a human being, that he’s just a man, you’re not going to make the same mistakes Smith made.”

“Yeah, I’ll get to make new mistakes.” East grumbled, the retort slipping past his lips before he could catch the thought. But Judy just smiled, shrugging.

“We all do. It’s how we choose to learn from and react to our mistakes that lets us grow beyond them.”

[Concurrent to The Mademoiselle]

(Part of my Freelancers: Changing Tides series)

Taglist: @stargeode @sacredwrath @genuineformality

[crescentfool]

hello everyone! now that team picking is out i wanted to say that i am participating in artfight for the first time this year on team werewolves! (its the color blue. i love the color blue.)

you can find my profile here! https://artfight.net/~crescentfool

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

[razzek]

Ah, for a whole two days I was below $2k in credit debt. It was awesome!

Dear sweet Petey who I love cost $275 in vet bills today. 8)

[sinni-ok-sessi]

It Is Spring Time My Dudes

[silverselfshippingchaos]

it's the 23rd... you know what that means...

Happy Ash Day!

[joziokowalski]

whenever i see people in therapy circles recommend that therapists make a contract with personality-disordered clients who engage in self-destructive behaviours and like. make it a no-no while the therapy is ongoing. all i think is you'd better not get all up in arms about said clients not being truthful with you / not staying in therapy

[tiredfoxtf]

When I read I don't think much about sentences and how they constructed, what words are used. (especially in english)

But when I write, oh ho ho, man I am a king of overthinking it. (especially in english)

[caramelcoconutswirl]

Okay, so the new hunger games is so bad actually i mean i knew it would be trash but this is just sad