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soldier--poet--queen · 1 year

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what came first, the body dysphoria flare up or the internet deciding now was a fantastsic time to show me transmasc content

#rin rambles #tw i get real heavy in the tags #SLAMMING. MY. HEAD.#HHHRGHHGHHH I GET SO ANGRY AT MYSELF #WHICH I KNOW IS STUPID AND POINTLESS BUT ARGH #every time i like. even have the twinge of these emotions. my brain is like ah.#so you're a failure? you're a fucking disappointment? man. sucks to be you. you should do something about that dysphoria. OH RIGHT.#and then i cry a little in Adoration it's okay #it doesn't feel okay. but like. ah.#i just feel like a disappointment to God. like He gave me this body and i hate it. and i hate that i hate it.#idk i just feel like i'm in so much pain. and then i try to talk with other Catholics about it and i'm seen as a wounded animal. or inhuman.#and they're like 'your dysphoria isn't causing you the anguish it's something else' LIKE IT CAN BE BOTH?#is it so bad to say that YES i am sad that i can't transition? that this causes me grief? but i follow Christ because ultimately He is worth #that pain and suffering?#is it bad to say that love is a sacrifice? and that the whole point of sacrifice is that it hurts?#where was that one post about the ai generated Bible verse. bc it wasn't /totally/ theologically correct but ough.#it made me feel things. i know God sees me and loves me. despite everything. there is love

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 4 months

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Good morning, Sleepyhead.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #'WWX was asleep for 4 days' is an incorrect factoid.#The average WWX sleeps for 8 hours. The PD-MDZS WWX who was asleep for 40 comics and 4 months is an outlier.#We are back to present day! I have missed drawing them!#Ah...the contrast between how the flashback ended (cold and distrustful) to how wwx wakes up (warm and watched over)...#The gap between the past and present is very important. Not just in this story but in our lives too.#The past can still hurt and it doesn't just go away with time as some say. It is the power of realizing that things have changed.#We can't get the good back. The bad memories have concluded. Those live somewhere else now.#It is hard to realize that you have to live for today and tomorrow. The past is so loud.#For WWX it is realizing that despite the mistrust in the past - He really does have faith that LWJ will be there for him.#It is the reflection of knowing that you changed and will keep changing and that change is good and kind sometimes.#But more importantly...and this I really do mean with all my heart:#It will all end up okay in the end. Even after the worst day. The most painful losses. You will get through it.#What feels like a breaking point is truthfully just another step you have to take. You'll get through it even though it feels like the end.#There are wonderful things you have yet to see. Friends you have yet to meet.#Even if it hurts so badly...one day it just aches. Someday you'll go a few weeks not remembering that it ever hurt.#Oh and because my izutsumi comic revealed many people were in need of hearing this:#You are loved. Right now. You are so loved right now. We just forget to tell each other that.#Go tell the people you love that they matter to you. I'm assigning you homework!!! You are graded on completion.

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canisalbus · 8 months

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I really appriciate how often Machete is depicted struggling and feeling like a burden, while still being loved and supported by Vasco. It gives the top tier angst of "i'm not good enough, I'm not worth it" but you frame it in such a way where it's clear that's just how he *feels* and is not how things really are, but also it's so nice to see someone who struggles quite often in a loving and unique relationship that suits them. The narrative of not being able to love or be loved unless you're consistently healthy is really tiring lol.

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#ah thank you! I'm so glad these themes come through the way I intended #this touches on something that I've been thinking a lot so sorry if this gets a bit ranty #but I have massive personal beef with the sentiment “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else/someone else can love you ”#I hate it with a passion #I know it's meant to encourage positive growth and I get that self-love and healthy self-image are something you should strive for #but it also sort of sends the message that people who struggle with these sort of issues don't deserve to be loved #not until they reach some external invisible standard of “okay I'm normal and well adjusted now”#“perhaps now I'm worthy of entering a relationship without the danger of dragging the other person down with me”#people who aren't in perfect health mentally or physically already feel like they're inconveniencing others with their mere existence #depriving them of the possibility or even the idea of loving and being loved won't make them better #it's just a stupid idiom it doesn't matter but to me it just comes across as unspeakably cruel way to think #and it rustles my jimmies #answered #anonymous

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cephalofrog · 2 months

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noah caldwell-gervais is the only motherfucker to have ever been correct about dark souls and elden rings' difficulty. no one else understands

#oops. rant ->#they aren't about overcoming some incredible struggle in order to prove yourself as an insane upper echelon Gamer #they're about allowing the player to create a victory that feels satisfying to them #either by mastering the mechanics #using your brain and coming up with a strategy that works #or just getting some friends to help beat it into the ground #saying “sekiro is designed to teach you that mechanical mastery is sometimes required for victory” is just completely the wrong way around #sekiro exists for the people that preferred to use mechanical mastery to beat dark souls!!!#cause fromsoft went “that's pretty fun may as well make a game based around that”#it doesn't fucking exist so that people play it and go “ah yes this is the way fromsoft intends us to play their other games”#spirit summons in ER exist so that they can create more aggressive bosses without leaving a bunch of players unable to beat the game!!!#like you can like or dislike that game design decision #disliking it is a fair opinion to hold #I kinda dislike it. I don't like rellana as a boss cause she feels reliant on it #but saying that it's bad cause “it teaches you to play the game badly” is so stupid #like it lets you beat the game. what more do you want #the criticism you're looking for is “I dislike it cause I don't like playing the game that way and find it less fun”#which is totally valid and I kinda agree!#but as someone who prefers to fight bosses solo by mastering the mechanics:#stop acting like “fighting bosses solo by mastering the mechanics” is the objectively correct way to play #and deciding that because you play that way all of your critiques are the most valid #and accept you maybe just disagree with some of fromsoft's design choices for ER.#it's fine. you can still like the game. it's okay

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sysig · 5 months

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Looking his very best, as much as he can anyhow (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #The Captain #The theme of this set is ZEX's hair! So I guess Max's hair really lol #But double really it's ZEX's hair because Max would never let this happen to his hair lol poor abused hair haha #Cute floofy ZEX is cute and floofy <3 #He can't control the hair - no hair bones here unfortunately lol - but at least there's something around his head eh?#Max with a buzz cut! Ah!!! The problem is I love him no matter what so I think he looks cute literally anyhow haha #S'cold! As if ZEX wasn't already sensitive haha - he gets a buzz cut and is just ''?????'' the whole time #And then someone pets his hair and it upgrades to ''?!?!?!?!?!'' haha #Weird to not have anything in his peripherals too :0 Always /some/thing to the sides of his head!#I think he looks quite silly in the third one lol - I would say I drew his hair too short but it's actually more accurate isn't it #Max's hair is like chin/shoulder-length! I just can't help myself haha long flowing hair is so fun and pretty <3 #No he's beautiful however I stand by it #ZEX with slightly damp but not actually clean hair haha of course it feels strange! Not just water in there!#Actually drawing his green ends for a change haha ♪ And the grey in his hair! ;; ZEEEX weh #You can just barely see I tried to use one of my skin-tone pencils from the Crayola set but it doesn't scan the best :P #Or apply the best honestly lol they're quite hard pencils - I'm used to a softer formula like the yellow and green there! Very soft and nice #Yaaay Captain hehe <3 This is what you get for trusting someone untrustworthy ZEX lol #Okay but the way I reacted to reading there was Yarn tied in his hair I had a Normal reaction and I'm Fine about it lol #I made it red for Funsies and no other reason lol - really it's just the pen I (still) always have on hand haha #There's some in my blue as well! Just not as obviously lol - no wait that's one of his colours too just ignore that <3 #ZEX is adorable ♪ The alien not understanding human traditions and culture trope is so lovely on him #And honestly the Captain is a very good sport hehe <3 He takes a lot in stride! Good for him

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transgender-catboy · 11 months

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God, he looks downright exhausted here...

#oh what I'd give to cuddle with him at night #he seems like a heart print boxers kinda guy #probably runs hot too. one foot out of the blanket #but #big on cuddles #big spoon little spoon it don't matter #oh... he's definitely the kind guy to like running his fingers through your hair while you lay facing eachother #back on the spooning bit for a second #big spoon: lots of little kisses on the back of the head and neck #burying his nose in your hair as he pulls you close... wrapping his arms around your waist to hug you like a teddy bear #one leg over yours #...would probably stick his hands up your shirt (if you wear one) to keep them warm #even tho he really doesn't need to #just likes feeling you against him #ah...#okay now little spoon:#loves arms wrapped around him #will either play with or hold your hand/hands #would definitely kiss and/or lick your hand just to be a goober #the pressure of you against his back would be super comforting i think for him #play. with. his. hair.#run your fingers through it. tug on it. hell. fuckin pet him #this man just likes feeling loved #who doesn't *cough*the emotionally repressed dork that is Miguel*cough*)#idk idk #okay. i think. I'm gonna go to bed #gonna dream about kissing him on his sweet forehead

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afniel · 5 months

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Maaaaaaaaaaaan, come on.

(the post has ended up in the tags btw. I am not changing this and I need you to understand that it is just me talking to myself semi-publicly)

#Nevi Writes #things said by a guy writing a thing he doesn't even intend to be writing and it's like 10k of words now. >:[#while that's true I do want to emphasize that nobody should get excited about it right now tho okay #because like it's just. idk. I feel very much like it could end up not worth pursuing anyway. it's just a little baby wip.#(when the fuck did my little baby wips get to be 1/4-1/2 the length of my previous 'finished' stories!! what the hell)#it just feels nice to make words tho. and it does have that kind of 'ah good to catch up with these guys again' vibe which is nice.#even if the break has once again been like. on the order of days to a week maybe. I'm so bad at this taking a break business suddenly. lel.#but I don't have anything much to say about it at this point #other than I'm debating inventing a reason that presidential elections would have been moved by a couple of years between now and 2212 #what is it with me and having to be so damn precise with dates in this whole narrative. am I just mad that Capcom never tries?#(yes) (so mad)#(and 2212 would actually be an election year is the problem. I want time to have passed but I also want there to be a pres. election.)#(it's fine don't worry about it)#(this is how I decided that Blucifer got bload up and then replaced also. weird reliance on mashing up IRL things and fictional explosions)#(but it's fun isn't it? got that veneer of verisimilitude. I'm good at long words)#idk this is inevitable isn't it. but I'm going to keep playing like it's not. I think I need a little more space for this one mentally.#the first one just sort of fell out of my head fully assembled and the second one did that also but with different vibes #though it did actually take some cutting things and adjusting things to make it work which Failure to Compile did not #Failure to Compile was bizarrely effortless until the mad editing dash. Outcome Unpredictable was WORK #fun work at least! but in hindsight it was definitely more work to make it flow properly.#the real job for the 3th if it happens is gonna be wrapping up threads without dropping new ones in bc that's such a habit of mine now

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unproduciblesmackdown · 17 days

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another day another "applying the concept 'disposability' to 'someone withdraws from a personal relationship, & that wasn't signed off on by the other'" kill me

#literal acknowledged interpersonal abuse Needing to be ''mediated'' (implicit premise of preserving that relationship >>>)#and if the victim doesn't participate they're treating their abusive partner / abusive relationship as ''disposable''#like in what meaningful way. getting away from an abuser is ''disposing'' of them like imprisonment / killing From A State?#dropping an abusive relationship is ''disposing'' of it? like uh yeah i sure hope it is #this is always Vaguely Applied to ''ppl don't want to HANDLE CONFLICTS or DO THE WORK'' & then connected to political actions #like well someone's just a bad person In The World / All Things if they stopped being my friend and i don't know why #like of course that Can Be good faith. it's a personal business #but if someone ghosts you and you truly don't know why Yeah maybe there's something going on but like okay let them go #if they want to do that for reasons you don't think are Compelling or they just aren't interested / putting in that Effort then like #what Friendship is really being lost here. but then tweet about it with no context & a zillion ppl like SO TRUE kys randos #[fart reverb Conflict Is Not Abuse] standard abuse apologetics which are easy & a zillion ppl go SO TRUE b/c It's Abuse Culture #someone HAS to Answer My Texts / Calls / In Person Confrontations As A Bold Clearsighted Political Actor are you kidding #someone really doesn't. even if you Really are like ''and i'm not even consciously malicious'' what a high bar #one gazillion abusive parents will tell you And My Estranged Child Won't Even Tell Me Why / Doesn't Have Any Good Reasons / Won't Talk....#what am i supposed to doooo i'm at a losssss And Really I'm The Victim #''i want to break up'' / ''okay i don't :) let's talk through Your Feelings :) [waffle around until insisting on Same Access To Person]''#someone can rescind interpersonal access to themself For Any / No Reason. on a dime no explanation necessary. for god's sake #and friendship is not actually some magically pure & Neutral relationship either. same things #anyway just unfollowed some rando for their thread spinning off a vague qrt ''ppl are so AFRAID OF CONFRONTATION they unfriend u''#going on & on abt how You Need To Put In The Work & Effort & You're Just Probably A Bad Person Otherwise & Disposability like #the disposability is my three points wastebasket toss. death via the state =/= someone won't talk to you. can we be at all serious #every day i reach out further like aplatonic people [some emblem gesture] lovelessness [same] help me #thinking of a Good Tweet i saw abt framing everything re: interactions with others around Consideration first & foremost #wildly enough the way you treat people doesn't need to have Fundamental Assumptions re: like ah Friendship / Community / Love / Family &ccc #how do you treat a stranger. how do you treat someone who you don't personally like &/or vice versa. how do you treat ppl you don't Meet.#it's all so vague it could mean Anything but a) often hints towards [abuse victims are framed as Bad Political Actors]#& b) then that's what people read into & respond to for sure lol #as ever ''oh everyone's just little bitches who can't handle any discomfort. yes; this was prompted by my being discomfited''#wait yeah lol i did not Confront this stranger to try to Posit this to them in twttr's character limit; just unfollowed. disposability smh

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queenharumiura · 10 months

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A Social Butterfly by any other name is 'rage-bait' for the tumultous storm.

This is a piece I commissioned for. Do not steal, do not edit, do not use, and do not repost. I was given permission to post this onto my blog. Okay to reblog.

Haru Miura and Gokudera © Akira Amano

Pino is my OC. Design artist is Aroadoptables from dA

Artist is Fluffypepole from dA

#GokuHaru #5986 #Haru Miura #Gokudera Hayato #Neo commissioned art #KHRel #((Ah yesss love getting art. The serotonin I needed))#((Okay to reblog. Do not remove caption))#Neo treasures #((Me probably sacrificing Pino to Gokudera's anger? Yes. Do I feel guilt? No))#((Pino can always fight back it's fine. He doesn't like Haru like that anyways it's okay))

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asogikazumas · 5 months

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No thoughts head empty only break

#this is what skimming the manga gets you #UNNECESSARILY FEELINGS #just. him and his not caring about his life to.#NOT WANTING TO GO #BECAUSE HE REALIZED HE HAS A NEW FAMILY WHO LOVES AND CHERISHES HIM #AND HE DOESN'T WANT TO LEAVE THEM #i just. AH.#also only slightly related but i also skimmed over the sharon reim wedding at the end #and to this day i feel like I'm one of the few who didnt mind it #bc i always interpreted it as both of them being in love with break #and they struggled after his death a lot so they turned to the one other person who could possibly understand them #and then they married bc that was the clostest thing to break they could get #anyway i ranted enough okay bye #lum.txt

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fionnaskyborn · 10 months

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there's something to be said about the very specific feeling of frailty you feel when you come face to face with just how little you've experienced. twenty-odd years on planet earth and you haven't really watched all that many movies. an unlived life facing an uncertain future. i do not know where to point the finger of blame because i live untethered from my past, floating in the present with no clear point of reference no clear definition of who i am or what happened to me and how i turned out the way i am (fucking. can you guess why five is my favorite game. insert that one lyric from that one modest mouse song.) but you're still here, and you can still learn, and you can catch up, but it still feels like you're a pitiful little nobody looking for excuses trying to explain why you're still new to the whole being alive thing. i've got a good head on my shoulders, though, for all that's worth, so i think i might be fine.

in other news, i watched scarface tonight. it was certainly a movie. don't really understand how the movie made it big, but it did have some damn good music. i mean, i don't know. i'm still learning about the world i live in. maybe it really is as much of a masterpiece as people make it out to be and i'm too dumb to see the reason why it's considered a classic. maybe i'm right. i can't tell at the moment. it's kind of a beggars can't be choosers situation - if you ain't watched that many movies, then you can't really be a good judge of quality. but, oh, well. it's one more movie watched. it's a win because i watched a movie. and i'll watch more movies.

#i mean this extends to things like world politics also i'm still learning and i'm eager to learn beyond what i am offered but that doesn't #make the process any less fucking terrifying. like sure fuck yeah i'll be a big shot and do it alone and i'll be proud of myself but the #thing is i really really really don't know how to be alone without feeling empty #and it's funny because the thing i yearn for the most is to be free and to create myself and do things on my own and i can do that i've #learned how to be an adult very early on and people say ah you've yet to face the worst but every time they tell me that i tell them i can't #wait #but at the same time sometimes i sit and i wonder why i haven't watched that many movies. was there nobody to watch them with? could i have #asked? could things have been different? is it my fault for never having really wanted things or somebody else's? and i'll never really have #a clear answer to any of those questions or at least not anytime soon because my cranium is messed up and unreliable but i won't get the #answers anywhere else. shrugs. i've yet to start living a life. i don't know when i died but i do know but maybe that's just an idea and #maybe i've been dead all along until some point in the past two years but then what are all those memories i have where did they come from #why are they so far apart why do they feel mine and foreign at the same time. can you guess who my favorite mg character is.#well okay i have like what four or five of those but read the text again and think really really hard about it. i'm just kidding i'm goofing #around at this point. i mean no not really but i am smiling about it. :]#logs

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sysig · 1 year

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