#it explains why she could help in Super Mario Bros Wonder but not the other Mario games

[pianokantzart]

Anybody else get the vibe that Princess Daisy is the mariner of the group?

The two Mariokart courses themed after her either are a boat deck or a harbor, and a major part of Sarasaland– the Muda Kingdom– is almost entirely oceanic.

If she's accustomed to giving commands as a ship captain that would explain why her default volume is so darned loud. It would also explain why she's not available to adventure in most Mario games. If you send her an invitation ahead of time to play tennis or party she'll arrive right on schedule, but you can't exactly call her up spur of the moment to help stop Bowser's latest invasion if she's located in the middle of the ocean somewhere.

[robinofinashiro]

prompt/note: i wanted to a break between the AoT posts so i wanted to post a prompt about the BNHA bois forgetting about your birthday and them attempting to make it up to you. / the req status should be opened soon if any of you want to start of thinking of reqs you want to send me. fandoms and rules are pinned to the top of my blog. also, for any other blog writers, isn’t the beta testing their doing super fucking annoying.

request status: CLOSED

pairing: bakugou katsuki, todoroki shouto, iida tenya

you were bit more dressed up more than usual today and bakugou noticed. he didn't say anything as he thought you were just getting more dolled up for the hell of it. he gave you a quick compliment and went on his way, stating that he had a few things to do with Kiri before the day ended

you got a bit down, feeling that maybe he had forgotten. you quickly dismissed that thought, realizing that maybe he was planning a birthday party for you and didn't want you finding out.

the rest of the day flew by, an excited feeling bubbling up inside you as you inched closer to the end of the day. you wondered by Bakugou was planning on doing for your birthday. you knew Bakugou wasn't good with planning such lovey dovey things but since it was your birthday, you figured he must've done something.

you went to Bakugou's room, knocking on the door softly as you heard a rough come in. you were about to say hello when you realized he was in training close, ready to go workout with Kiri.

+

"where are you going?" you asked, twiddling with your fingers. he didn't bother to even look back at you, "training with Kirishma," he murmured.

you sighed, "oh, I just thought you would be able to come out with me tonight," you tried to say. he shook his head no. "no, I already told you I was going to train with weird hair so stop asking!" he screamed, making you jump a bit.

Kirishima gave you a sympathetic look as you gave Bakugou one last look and walked out of his dorm.

you walked into the hallway, seeing Uraraka and Momo walking out of Momo's dorm with a small cake. they immediately saw your tear stained face and put the cake down.

"hey, what's wrong?" Momo asked. you sighed, trying to get out what you were saying but the sobs that racked your body wouldn't let you, "wait, are you trying to say that Bakugou forgot your birthday?" Uraraka asked.

you nodded, "I thought he was trying to throw me a surprise party but I walked in there, asking him if he wanted to do anything and he kicked me out saying that he was going to workout with Kirishima," upon you finishing your sentence, Bakugou and Kirishima walked out.

Uraraka gave Bakugou a death glare as Momo pulled you into her arms and walked you into your dorm. Bakugou paid no mind to them as Kirishima looked to him and sighed. "pretty crappy day for her, huh?" Kirishima asked, looking at your dorm room door. Bakugou shrugged, "she'll be fine later. she's probably mad about earlier," he said, not putting much mind on it.

Kiri gave him a look, making Bakugou confused, "I guess. just sucks she spent her birthday trapped in her room but whatever you said bro," Bakugou stood in place, wide eyed realizing that today was in fact your birthday. "

don't tell me you forgot." "FUCK."

Kirishima slammed his hands against his face, not wanting to see Bakugou's face. Bakugou felt his heart drop, feeling a huge sensation of guilt and sadness washing over him. "that's why everyone was surrounding her desk this morning," Kirishima nodded, shaking his head in disappointment, "I don't know dude, you better figure it out before it gets worse," he mentioned before walking away.

Bakugou walked into his room, slamming the door and laying his bed. he had no idea how he was going to even start to apologize to you but he knew he had to do it tonight.

he knew Kirishima had a point.

he hadn't been the most diligent in trying to be with you recently and he kept shoving and cancelling your dates last minute to train or get work done. Bakugou was the one who asked you out first and promised you he would try his hardest to make it work out and now you were crying on your birthday.

the night was coming in and he walked over to your door, quietly knocking on it. you didn't bother to open it, knowing it was Bakugou who was more than likely to be the one who was knocking.

you flipped to the other side of the bed and ignored the knock, figuring he would leave you alone if you didn't answer. Bakugou knew that you kept the spare key for your dorm room in the small pot by your door. he dug for it, panicking that maybe you had moved it but as he finally found it, he grabbed it and unlocked it.

“hey,” his rough voice said. you shut your eyes, pretending to be asleep so he could leave quicker. he went by your side of the bed, realizing that you had fallen asleep, “damn, I didn’t think you’d be in bed this early.”

he sighed, sitting on the edge of your bed.

“listen, I know you probably don’t care for what I have to say but you mean a lot to me, idiot. I know I fucked up, big time actually but I want to make it up to you. please? I thought maybe we could get dinner, let me treat you right and like I’m supposed too.”

Bakugou moved a piece of your hair out of the way and kissed your hair softly. a part of you wanted to continue to be upset at him but hearing his apology and what he wanted to do to make it up to you, you wanted to wake up.

“I guess I’ll be leaving before Aizawa kills us.”

you shuffled in place, pretending to wake up, making Bakugou turn his head around to look at you. “Suki?” you whispered, rubbing your eyes.

he made his way back to you, sitting on the edge of bed, “I’m sorry for what I did today,” he murmured, not even wanting to look at you in the eye, “I’ve been a dick, more than usual recently and none of it has been your fault. can I make it up to you?” he asked.

you stayed silent for a moment, “Suki, I understand that you’ve been a lot more busier than usual but that isn’t my fault. it really hurt that you forgot my birthday and it hurts even more that you’ve been putting me in second place,” you murmured, trying not to sound hurt.

Katsuki nodded.

“I know. I promise I’ll do better.”

he gave you a kiss on the cheek before getting up from the bed and getting ready to leave, “love you Suki’,” you said, finding a comfortable spot in bed again, “you better,” he laughed before leaving.

you were beyond livid. todoroki had been anticipating your birthday for weeks now. the two of you were planning on going out to dinner if Aizawa had given you both permission, which he gladly allowed but two days before the outing came and he wasn’t having a good day. insults were being said and now the two of you were angry to say the least.

you figured that maybe by Saturday, he would have forgotten about the argument and the date would still have happened but what you hoped for fell through and now it was noon on Saturday and you were in your room crying to Kaminari of all people. 

he rubbed your back, trying to get you to calm down as he told you to try and forget about the argument. he knew the two of you liked each other a lot but he couldn’t help but side with you on this one so he suggested a plan!

he took Todoroki’s spot for the day and the two of you went out for your birthday. since no one else had gotten permission to leave for the day, only Kaminari was able to do this but in the backside of your mind, you knew Todoroki was going to be upset to say the least. 

+

both you and Kaminari walked to the nearest train station and took the ride to the outskirts of the city and went to a small ramen shop to catch a late lunch/early dinner. 

the only one who knew about you and Kaminari leaving was ironically enough, Bakugou. he had saw the two of you leaving the building, unenthusiastically asking where the two of you were going since you were leaving school premises. 

“so, we still have a few hours before we’re due back to school,” Kaminari reminded you. you gave him the signal to give you a minute and pulled up the nearest arcade, which happened only to be a few blocks from the ramen shop and a bit closer the train station, “you in the mood to play arcade games?” 

-

Todoroki walked down stairs to the kitchen, hoping that you were to see what kind of mood you were in. he wanted to apologize for getting angry at you and prepare himself for you dinner date in a few days. 

“hey Todoroki!” Midoriya greeted, as happily as ever. he waved at the green haired boy as he sat down next to him and watched him scroll through his Snapchat story, “oh, ( your name ) isn’t on campus?” Midoriya asked him. 

Todoroki gave him a confused look, “what do mean?” he asked back, a small bit of panic settling in the pit of his stomach. “oh, well, since it’s birthday, it looks like she went out with Kaminari,” he replied, showing Todoroki his snapchat. 

you and Kaminari both had posted a few photos and videos from the day. the ramen the two of you had eaten and then a few videos from the arcade. you were playing Mario Kart, singing some really REALLY shitty karaoke, and eating some really bad junk food. 

“is something wrong?” Midoriya asked. Todoroki ran his fingers through his hair, panic finally fully setting into his stomach, “I didn’t remember that today was her birthday,” he murmured, playing with his lip as Midoriya’s eyes widened, hearing what his friend was saying.

the two of you remained quiet, trying not to freak out. 

“what do you mean forgot? I thought the two of you were both planning something out!” Midoriya exclaimed, “we were but then the two of us got into a pretty bad argument and haven’t talked since. I forgot that we were supposed to go out together today and I think she took Kaminari instead,” he explained. 

Bakugou chuckled, shaking his head, “she sure did. I’m on Kaminari’s private Snapchat story and they seem to be getting really close,” he tossed his phone to Todoroki who watched the two of you dancing and singing together.  

Kaminari was sitting pretty close to you, his arm was around your waist, a little too firm for Todoroki’s liking. Bakugou couldn’t help but laugh at his ‘friends’ reaction as he tried to keep his anger to a minimum as he continued to watch his story. 

you were damn near cuddled up to his chest, laughing and giggling at whatever Denki was telling you and he HATED it. you never acted like that around him. you never laughed or giggled that way with him. never have you ever held yourself like that with him.

“well, did you get her anything at least? that should save your ass, at least a little bit,” Bakugou said. Todoroki stared at the floor, too scared to look at them when he replied no, “well then....don’t act surprised if she doesn’t take you back after this,” he added on. 

“Kacchan!” “it’s true! you’re just mad I’m right. Kaminari might be an idiot but he can actually hold a conversation with a girl and be civil around them when he puts his one brain cell to use.” 

Todoroki growled, remaining silent for the rest of the night as he stayed downstairs to wait for you. now that he was realizing it, the way you were being with Kaminari did correlate to what Bakugou was saying and although he didn’t want to admit to it, he knew Bakugou had a point. 

the night crawled in as Todoroki was now alone in the living room. you were getting to the front of the building, Kaminari telling you some stupid joke that made you hysterically laugh as you walked into the living space. upon entering it, you saw Todoroki sitting there with shame and anger on his face.

you waved Kaminari good, telling him you’d text him later to thank him for hanging out with you. you stared at half-n-half, not saying a word, your face saying everything it needed too. 

“where were you today?” “out with Kaminari.”

your short sentences made him realize you were still as angry as you were the day you argued with him. “I saw you getting pretty close with him,” Todoroki stated. you chuckled, not believing what he was telling you. “yup, that’s kind of what happens when your boyfriend was being a dick on your birthday,” and there it is, Todoroki thought. 

“you could have reminded me about today.” 

“REMINDED YOU ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY?” 

your voice was at an all time high, not caring who heard. “you know what? this is useless. your playing the victim when in reality I should be! it’s my fucking birthday and you know what I got as a birthday gift? another argument from my fucking boyfriend and not even a measly happy birthday text.” you continued to yell.

“you know what?” Todoroki was suddenly nervous about you quick attiude change, “maybe what Kami said was true. maybe you need to weed out the dicks in your life until you get to the good people.” you said before walking away and not sparing Todoroki another glance. 

this argument happened the day of your birthday, actually.  he had forgotten your birthday and although you had told him a few days in advanced, you weren’t making a big deal of the day itself. 

you just wanted to make a small cake, enough to feed you and Iida so when you asked him if he wanted to come to your dorm after dinner so you could eat the cake together and he outrightly denied, claiming he had a ton of training and homework to get done. 

“seriously? it’ll just be thirty minutes!” “no! I told you, I have to train for exactly an hour and a half before I take a shower and do homework! you should have known that. I wonder why we’re even together with that dismissive attitude of yours.” “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY YOU DICK!” 

he stared at you, your birthday had completely passed his mind and he felt so shitty as you dropped the cake on the floor, letting it splatter everywhere. 

+

everyone who heard the conversation stared at each other, not wanting to say anything as they saw Iida process what he had told you. he never meant to insinuate that he wanted to break up with you but it came out like word vomit and you were gone. 

he grabbed a mop and broom, slowly picking it up as he saw the disappointed faces of his friends. Iida knew he fucked up, way too badly this time and now you were crying on your birthday, practically broken hearted and angry at him. 

Iida sighed, sitting at his desk and mourning silently. the time read 7:30 and he wanted to do nothing more than bang on your door and apologize like there was no tomorrow but he knew that idea could be thrown out the window as you weren’t even texting him back. 

he saw the small gift you had given him on his birthday and felt a small wave tears hit his eyes. you did so much for him, going out of your way to bring him lunch on some days and other days, you offered to patch him up if you saw that he had gotten busted up during training. 

Iida stood up, going to the door and running to the kitchen. he knew this could be the only thing he could do to even start making it up to you again. you loved the cookies that Tensei had made for him a few weeks ago when he dropped by to visit.

he called his brother, explaining the situation to him as he immediately got a mini lecture as a response. Tensei basically yelling at him for not treating you right and how guilty he should be feeling for not only forgetting your birthday but also making you cry today. 

Iida got work as Tensei explained everything to make the cookies. he was lucky enough to have everything he needed to make the cookies, even going out of his way to remind himself to put small written notes on the cookies themselves when he finished. 

within that time, you were laying in bed, thinking about everything that Iida told you. you tried not to think about it, putting it on the fact that maybe he was stressed and forgot and everything just came tumbling out of his mouth. regardless, you tried to sleep, only to be awoken by a frantic knock.

you growled, slipping on one of Iida’s sweaters and going to the door. to your surprise, it was Iida himself, holding a plate of cookies and words coming out of his mouth like vomit. 

“I am so sorry. I meant nothing I said earlier and I apologize for acting extremely out of line. I never meant to insinuate that I wanted to break up with you and I never wanted to in the first place. please forgive me.”

you stared at him, lifting an eyebrow before rolling your eyes playfully, “the next time you decide to say something like that, we’re over and you’re not getting another chance after that,” you stated, taking a bite of the cookie and instantly letting out a moan of pleasure, “holy shit, are these Tensei’s cookies?” he nodded as you snatched the plate out of his hand. 

“that sucks that you made me cry tonight because we could have shared them but since you are on thin ice, these are mine! see you tomorrow, Iida!” you giggled, shutting the door on his face. “see you tomorrow, love.” he replied, a smile on his face as he made his way back to his dorm room to finish up some homework. 

[pepperonitimeline]

There is an interesting emphasis on timelines in Steven Universe

but like. Why?

Hypothesis: Steven Universe is made up of multiple timelines, but shown in an order that makes the events seem linear. read part 2 here!

I'm not the first person to speculate this at all. A lot of this stuff has been pointed out by @dogcopter​ @arrozbrillante​ @stevenutheories and many others on various platforms!

I just gathered the most conspicuous "evidence" into 1 post. If you’re interested in SU theory and analysis you should check out their blogs. :o) This was as short as I could make it..

And a big thank you to @love-takes-work for her podcast summaries!!! 

So, most ostensibly there’s Garnet, who can see multiple futures. In Pool Hopping she begins to call her visions timelines specifically.

Garnet: In this timeline, we do the opposite of that. Hey, you! Have a pizza!

Steven: Hey, Vidalia's house is around here. Let's bring her the last pie.

Garnet: Now, that would be nice. She must be upset that her son was taken into space by those Homeworld Gems. (referring to the events of I Am My Mom)

Steven: You mean Onion? He isn't in space. He's right over there. *points*

Garnet: Sorry, I-I must be thinking of a different timeline.

-

Garnet: My bad. I was sure we were in the pepperoni timeline.

-

Garnet: It's important to keep in mind that all these horrible things did happen to you in alternate timelines. Safety is fun.

In Steven and The Stevens:

Yeah

It was confirmed on the podcast that the Steven we see from that episode on is a different Steven than the one from episodes 1-21. In “The Fantasy of Steven Universe” Sugar explains:

"I think, early on, we knew for sure what we wanted to do was to create episodes that feel self-contained but give you a new piece of information or change the characters fundamentally. So, Steven and the Stevens, is tight but Steven does change fundamentally after having that experience. He's not the same- in THAT case he's LITERALLY not the same character..."

It’s muffled because they're all laughing but right after they say this Matt Burnett goes “He died.” 

Link to the episode

Love-takes-work also has a text summary of the episode

But something I haven't seen discussed very much is the time travel chase scene. Granted it’s very blink-and-you’ll miss it, there are some Stevens who witness the other Steven’s fighting but that don’t end up in the Sea Shrine at the end.

Way back in 2015 @stevenutheories already did the math as to how many alternate timelines may have stemmed from the time shenanigans: 3 to 5. Not counting the original one who is definitively gone. 

Technically quantum mechanics don’t work like that and those Stevens should have been Thanos’d too. I’m not going to pretend I understand physics, that is just what I’ve been told by someone who does. But then again the magic time thingy wasn’t bound by rules of real-life physics in the first place… so ??

Let’s cross-examine SATS’ accompanying KBCW post.

“At any given moment, if you asked me what I was thinking about, the answer would be one of two things: katana swords, or THE POSSIBILITY OF ALTERNATE TIMELINES RUNNING PARALLEL TO OUR OWN!

Proving the existence of these timelines can be pretty tricky, even for a seasoned paranormal investigator such as myself.  An inter-temporal incursion caused by the momentary weakening of the time-space continuum doesn’t really photograph well.  And all the cross dimensional time travelers I know don’t want to go on the record about their experiences.  Frankly, the only thing I can submit as evidence of alternate timelines is the fact that THEY ARE PROBABLY JUST SO COOL AND AWESOME THAT THEY HAVE TO BE REAL.

Think about it!  What about a universe where that asteroid missed Earth and we had DINOSAURS for pets instead of dogs?  Or a universe where someone was like “Hey, zeppelins are way cooler than planes, let’s just do that!”  Or a universe where AN ALTERNATE VERSION OF ME CAN GROW A FULL BEARD?!  What an amazing life that Ronaldo must have… in THIS stupid reality I have a really hard time getting my moustache to connect to the rest of my facial hair and it’s incredibly frustrating.”

KBCW and Ronaldo’s commentary in general are usually half-right. Like the “Polymorphic Sentient Rocks are aliens who want to hollow out the earth… to make it lighter so they can transport it back to their star system” thing.

I can't help but think the "Dinosaurs for pets instead of dogs" is a reference to the live action Super Mario Bros. movie- where the meteor that killed the dinosaurs sent them to a parallel universe instead, causing mammals to go instinct in said universe. (Don’t know about the zeppelins.)

And then, and THEN there’s Keep Beach City Safe, KBCW’s more obscure rival blog run by (most likely) Onion under the pseudonym "The Observer". Apparently he’s planted cameras all over town to record Steven’s adventures. There's also a "Recruiter" and second mystery narrator calling themselves "Marco Díez", it's a whole thing,

Assuming it’s real, here’s one of the posts I think are the most relevant.

“I have been on zero gem hunts over the years, and what i have learned over the years is: always be prepared for anything, and everything. Connie’s already knows that and this her first mission. I, wasn’t so fortunate on my first mission. It was a crisp Autumn morning, - with notes of cinnamon in the air. I was the mountains, the air temperature, humidity and level elevation levels, were perfect.

Then, I noticed the creature, it was charging me. I tried to evade the gem monster, but it just kept on coming, and coming! There was no escape! And then- Wait! I just remembered. I never been on a gem hunt! So where did I get that story from?”

This was posted on August 1st alongside Gem Hunt… and the day after the Greg The Babysitter post, which was deleted earlier this year, right after people started interacting with it again.

Being a Babysitter is hard, especially if your Greg Universe. This guy, in the picture above me. Wait did I just become self aware? Hey, I did! Haha, I always knew I was more to me than just a narrator. Actually this is the first time I thought about, Because I'm self aware baby! Woohoo, yeah! Wait, what was I talking about? Ah yes, Gregory. So this Greg guy,Has to Babysit this cool baby, because he owes her for letting him mooch off her. And Greg, is like totally irresponsible, he some how lets the baby climb a Ferris Wheel. How does that even happen? This dude is so not getting payed. And what's up with his hair!?!

So here it is, another story, told by Greg, about his past self. I wonder how many times I started a paragraph with the word so. And when he was telling this story, we got some clues that could finally tell use when all of this started. We know about the gems and what happened  thousands of years ago, but we don't know about the hems and  what happened thousands of years ago. They wee being very vague about the whole thing. Almost intentionally, well it was obsessively intentional.

?

There are subtle inconsistencies in Beach City's layout. ("The Observer" points this out, too.)

Remember Danny’s? In Bubble Buddies and Joking Victim, there’s a shop named Danny’s Salt Water Taffy.

Then in Watermelon Steven it’s gone.

As for a prop: Chaaaaps used to just be Chips

That’s from Monster Buddies, the episode right after Steven and The Stevens.

It's just as likely someone on the show simply thought the background/chips looked a little too busy or whatever. But re-doing stuff costs a lot of time and money, yknow? Neither of which is the animation industry very generous about. Did you know even props have model sheets?

Of course it could just be another brand of chips. Maybe Utz got involved somehow.

Lastly I want to highlight a quote from a Rebecca Sugar interview regarding SU ending.

“The story is continuing off screen and I do know what happens next, at least in certain timelines, for the characters,” Sugar says. “But I would have to decide how and when I’d want to dig into that, or if it’s best to give them their privacy.”

yeah so like what the fuck

[sarahjtv]

BNHA Chapter 309 Spoiler Thoughts: Izuku and Inko Midoriya, and Some More Things Along The Way

The chapter leaks are here again!  Thanks to all the people on Twitter and here on Tumblr for providing us with scans and translations.  This chapter helps explain some things that a lot of us were wondering about.  Sadly, there’s still no Bakugo, or Shoto, or any other UA kids really; they’re only in flashbacks.  But, we do get to see what All Might and the Top 3 Heroes (Endeavor, Hawks, and Best Jeanist) are up to, so that’s something.  Anyway, remember to take what I say with a grain of salt until the official translations come out on Sunday:

The chapter starts a few minutes after Deku beat Muscular.  He’s flying through the air taking an unconscious Muscular tied up in his Black Whip.  The other Ketsubusu Academy students from the Lisence Exam see him too.  Thankfully the stubborn civilians from 2 chapters ago are willing to help Yo Shindo recover in exchange for not listening moving to the school shelters.  Also, Shindo’s barely conscious, but he does actually remember Deku.  He’s just not the same Deku as before.  Not much for me to say here except that I wonder if Shindo’s going to help spread the word about Deku’s actions.  Not just to his classmates, but I wonder if the words’ going to get out to the news and UA.  Actually, word might not even get that far since Shindo was only one of the few people in that exam that really even interacted with Deku...

Deku hands Muscular over to the police for them to take care off.  He also makes sure to cover himself up in Smokescreen to hide his identity.  So, Deku really is working in the shadows here.  It is best that the public doesn’t know what Deku is doing so that the LoV don’t track him down.  My man’s really going down the Batman route.  Oh, I also have to admire Deku’s smartphone here kept in this steel case.  I was going to say it’s a burner phone, but burner phones break easily for a reason and this one clearly doesn’t.  Maybe it’s a special one that can’t be tracked down.    

And we finally get to see All Might again!  He is actively working with Deku instead of just not knowing where his protege is.  He’s wearing casual clothes (jacket, jeans, sunglasses, the works) when he meets up with Deku in an alleyway.  I’m honestly glad that All Might is still supervising Deku.  I mean, Deku on his own would’ve been badass, but when you’re going up against people like AFO and Shigaraki, you’re going to need some help.  Especially when laying low.  Even with supervision, I still think Deku counts as a vigilante b/c I don’t think his license works if he’s not at UA.  I will believe this unless proven otherwise.  

It’s explained that the “wrapping” on Deku’s arms are actually gauntlets called “Mid-Gauntlets”, which are what are helping hold Deku’s arms together.  And they are VERY similar to the gauntlets that Melissa Shield from Two Heroes gave Deku.  Deku even says that All Might ordered them from the USA before travel restrictions were put in place.  I know that it’s only implied, but there’s no doubt in my mind that Deku’s new gauntlets were made by Melissa.  Even if you want to doubt it, at this point, Two Heroes (and by extension Heroes Rising and probably the upcoming 3rd movie, World Heroes Mission) are canon.  Honestly, I’m cool with it.  I liked Melissa and I’m glad her presence is still around (she was even in a Team-Up Mission chapter with Hatsume).  I do wonder if we’re ever going to see her in the main story.  It would be nice to see Melissa again.

The gauntlets are test samples and are used to enhance endurance.  All Might says that they can’t withstand 100% of OFA yet.  Which means that Deku actually beat Muscular with less than 100% unlike their first fight where Deku had to use over 100% just to knock him out.  So, does this mean that, say, Deku’s current 45% is stronger than his 100+% back in the Forest Camp?  Or maybe it was just the combo of moves and strategy rather then Deku just punching his way through things.

Small detail, but All Might’s phone goes off with that “I AM HERE” ringtone we heard before and Deku comments that this particular one is from All Might’s Silver Age TV Special!  It’s such a small thing, but I love that Deku still has that All Might fanboy in him despite everything 💚!  Somethings truly never change.

And back to the Top 3: Endeavor, Hawks, and Best Jeanist!  Endeavor and Best Jeanist are teaming up to kick a villain’s ass while Hawks is talking to All Might on the phone.  It looks like Hawks got a few costume changes particularly his visor/glasses which look more boxy than they did before if that makes sense.  Oh, and they’re also helping All Might work with Deku.  Makes sense since all three vowed to help take down Dabi earlier and Shigaraki and AFO definitely extend from that.

Deku’s Danger Sense is going off, so he’s probably going to check out any danger he can find in case it’s the LoV.  I do wonder if that harms Deku still.  It was said that it felt like a stabbing in his head and it must’ve been bad enough for the 4th OFA Holder to live in the forest away from society.  Man, I really hope our boy is ok (I know he’s not really, let me have this).

But yeah, Hawks (still wingless, but with a nice little undercut btw😳) explains that Deku's afraid of dragging other people in his battles like All Might.  Hawks also goes on to say that it’s best to take the initiative in taking down AFO and Shigaraki rather than waiting for them to appear all powered up.  He also wants All Might to keep supporting him despite the difficult position he’s in (remember that All Might’s technically Qurikless again and can’t really fight on his own).  It makes sense for them to go after the Villains again while they can.  If Deku fought Shigaraki while Shigaraki was at full strength, Deku would lose easily.  Even at 75%, Shigaraki was able to kill and injure A LOT of people, and Deku was lucky to even make it out there alive.  They need to find Shigaraki SOON!  

Flashback to Central Hospital before Deku jumped UA ship!  Recover Girl and Central Hospital’s high-tech were responsible for many of the patience recovering quickly and being discarged.  Deku was just there a little longer than the others.  So, we can assume that all our UA kids and some notable heroes made it out alive after being treated.  Still don’t know what happened to some people like Tamaki and Fat Gum tho 😭.  

All Might and Deku’s mom, Inko (thank god she’s ok), are by Deku’s bedside as his casts are taken off.  Deku’s doctor (who looks like Super Mario/Luigi; the whole Super Mario crew must run this damn place.  Where’s Bowser and Princess Peach) explains that despite his former warnings about his ligaments, Deku’s limbs are still functioning because he’s not the same as he was before.  So, before, Deku’s injuries were like his limbs were exploding from the inside, but this time those “explosions” were able to escape his body.  Also his Black Whip cast helped keep Deku’s arm in tact so that he wouldn’t pulverize himself.  His ligimates are still degrading too, so Deku still has to be careful.  I think he might have a few more small scars too, but that could just be shadows or muscle lining from Horikoshi’s pen-work.  

Ok, honestly, I’m not sure how this logically works...  I’m no medical professional, but I assume this means that Deku’s built his body up so much that it’s naturally able to withstand more damage than before and that’s why he’s more durable.  But, I don’t know how Deku was able to let the “explosions” escape this time.  I get the reverse; I get how he got injured before, but I don’t get this.  Was it the Black Whip brace he made for himself?  I honestly don’t really understand this.  Maybe the official translations will clear this up.  Or Horikoshi will in a Tweet or Volume Extra.

And Inko is finally informed of OFA thank the gods!  She was in the top of my list of “People who should really, really know OFA and what’s going on with Deku because I swear...”.  She’s clearly shaken up as anyone would be, but I’m glad she at least knows what’s going on with her son.  Yes, she’s still worried, but at least she can stop guessing why all this is happening.  

Deku announces the reason why he won’t go back to UA and it’s basically that Shigaraki can sense where Deku is and he doesn’t want to see anyone else close to him get hurt and/or die.  So, basically what I thought would be the reason.  Absolutely no surprise there.  But, going after Shigaraki and AFO first was originally Deku’s idea, so that’s something new.  Kid’s bold.

And this broke my heart 💔!  Inko insists that Deku stay with her to stay safe, but Deku knows what he has to do.  So, he thanks his mom, thanks her for making him happy, and tells her that he’ll be ok and that he’ll come back home with a somber smile on his face.  We see a flashback to Little Deku and Inko too when they were happier.  Bro, I don’t even know what to say.  I am in tears just writing this 😭  I’ll just post these two panels so y’all can cry with me.  I will never recover from this.  I’m fucking devastated.  You better come home, Deku: 

*sniffs* All Might remembers what he said to Inko.  He remembers how he said that he will protect Deku with his life.  All Might encourages Deku to go and he says that he’ll go with him with tears in his eyes.  He asks the Top 3 to help with this mission (finding Dabi) as their own mission coincides with Deku’s (finding Shigaraki and AFO).  I’m so glad all these adults are staying by Deku’s side throughout this.  It’s good to know that Deku still has support, though I wish it were from some of his friends too.  Maybe one day.

Deku goes to see Grand Torino in his hospital room to talk to him about OFA.  He mentions his friend and 7th Holder Nana Shimura.  Torino thinks he was responsible for killing Shigaraki (he really wasn’t let's be real).  He also tells Deku that Deku shouldn’t be so persistent in saving Shigaraki as killing can sometimes lead to salvation. Ok, few things:

1. I am surprised Grand Tarino is still alive.  I mean, we don’t know what happened to him after this talk, but at least he got to hear from Deku again.  It’s kind of nice to know that Tarino willingly passed down his cape to Deku too instead of Deku just taking it after his death.  Also, I’ve been watching some of Jujutsu Kaisen like everyone else has and this give me some Yuji & his grandfather vibes to it.  Knowing what happens there and that JJK’s magaka is good friends with Horikoshi, I have a sinking feeling I know what happened after this talk...

2. Deku looks so much older here.  Like, it’s not that cute, innocent baby face we knew at the beginning.  I don’t even know what it is exactly (maybe the eyes), but he just looks more mature here.  Also, his uniform some buttons down looks really good on him, I’m sorry but I need to mention that too 💚.

3. “Killing is a means towards salvation”.  Oh, boy...  I mean, I get it.  Some people just can’t be saved or captured in hopes of rehabilitation/redemption.  Sometimes killing people is necessary to save others.  But, Deku is not a killer.  He will try to save Shigaraki no matter what.  That was established again last chapter.   He tried to save Muscular for god’s sake.  But, I am curious if Gran Tarino’s words are going to hold any weight in the final fight. Like, will Deku have to kill Shigaraki?  What will that do to Deku as a person?  I’m really curious if Horikoshi is going to make Deku do this.

And finally, there’s a page showing off the Top 3, Deku, and All Might team up with the resolve to beat the LoV.  I am really interested to see where this goes.  Deku is working with the big Pro Heroes instead of his classmates/friends.  This hasn’t really happened before.  I also wonder if Shoto and Bakugo know what Deku’s doing then.  Because Shoto’s going to help Endeavor and his family find Dabi.  Endeavor’s activley helping Deku.  Also, Endeavor and Best Jeanist are both Bakugo’s mentors.  All Might too actually.  Look, maybe I’m making excuses to see my Origin Trio together again, but I do have to wonder if Shoto and Bakugo are involved somehow.

Welp, that’s it.  This chapter was a rollercoaster!  I was excited, I was confused, I was worried, I cried my eyes out at one point because THOSE TWO PANELS I CANNOT 💔😭!  I’m honestly just waiting for Horokishi to drop some major time-skip on us at some point.  I don’t want him to, but I won’t be entirely surprised if he does.  The end of this chapter is a good place to end if Horikoshi wants to segway into something else like, oh IDK, THE UA KIDS LET ME SEE THEM AGAIN HORIKOSHI PLS I’M BEGGING 💸  

Me @ Horikoshi almost every week:

[askaceattorney]

Dear Inferno,

Essay?  You just said the magic word.

Trucy’s a bit of a lengthy character to unpack, but I’ll see what I can pull out of my hat.

Trucy Wright, CEO, magic extraordinaire, and maiden of mystery, formerly Trucy Gramarye, the 8-year-old prodigy magician.  She’s the kind of character who never forgets to smile (that’s part of her creed, in fact), and always has a magic trick up her sleeve.  Or her magic panties, in this case.

This optimism and charm of hers do a lot to make her likable, both as the second non-Maya assistant in the series and as a side character who provides some comedy relief for the agency when morale is low.

But interestingly enough, this isn’t the sort of character she’s introduced as.

Trucy’s first “magic act” is to appear out of nowhere as Apollo is trying to contemplate how his boss suddenly became a murder suspect.  Rather than offering a smile and an encouraging message, she decides to play the role of a mysterious fortuneteller.

If I didn’t know who was saying this, I might think it was a Toad from Super Mario Bros. 3.

So far, all she is to Apollo (and us) is a mysterious messenger trying to help her father...until he realizes just who her father is.

This presents a new mystery for Apollo (and for us): How did a young magician wind up in the custody of an ex-lawyer?  And on top of that, why was a locket with her picture in the possession of a shady drifter...and why did Phoenix feel the need to take it from his dead body?

Unfortunately, Phoenix is just as cryptic as Trucy in her debut game, but it’s far from the end of Apollo’s interaction with them.

After two months of coping with the loss of his first position as an attorney and considering Phoenix’s offer to work at the legendary Wright & Co. Law Offices, Apollo finally shows up there to discover that it not only went through a name chance, but now has it’s own CEO -- the same mysterious girl he ran into before!

Before he knows it, he’s being interviewed for the Wright Talent Agency by a magician whose energetic and professional attitude completely contradicts her father’s calm, laid-back personality.  It isn’t until his misunderstanding is cleared up that she finally introduces herself:

It’s here that we also hear Trucy’s theme, “Child of Magic,” for the first time, which does a great job of conveying the sort of delightful, peppy aura Trucy creates just by being herself.  Speaking of which, Apollo gets to “enjoy” a bunch more of her optimism as she explains her and Phoenix’s current situation.  According to her, the former law office was converted into an agency for acquiring talented individuals.

She also describes what might be her most important role in Phoenix’s life, whether she knows it or not.

And so she did.  She may not have actually cooked for him (or maybe she did, we don’t know), but she did provide Phoenix, a well-respected lawyer who’d just been cheated out of his badge, with exactly what he needed at the time: a reason to keep going.  It’s hard to imagine what his life would’ve been like without her making her entrance into it, so to speak, but because of her, he was compelled to pull himself together, find a job, and begin to move on from one of the darkest moments of his life.  In short, Trucy became a light in his darkness.  Pretty impressive for an 8-year-old, huh?

We’ll get to that in due time, though.  The next thing we learn about Trucy comes from her Daddy, and once again, it’s pretty vague.

What could this “talent” of hers be?  Besides being a talented magician and motivator, that is?  We don’t find that out until after she’s spent some time as Apollo’s investigating assistant.

Thus she officially becomes Apollo’s “Maya,” a role she fills remarkably well, being just as cute, perky, annoying, and naive as Maya ever was.

Every good lawyer needs one of those, after all.

Then, when Apollo finally gets his first *cough* normal case, we get to see what Trucy’s capable of in the courtroom.  ...Well, after a quick diversion.

Has Professor Layton gone rogue and joined the mafia?  Nope, it’s just one of Trucy’s best tricks -- the Amazing Mr. Hat!

Not even going to ask how that works.

After this hilarious sideshow, Trucy reveals what her special “talent” is, and how it can help Apollo.

For the first time in the series, we have a courtroom mechanic that doesn’t involve pressing someone, presenting evidence, or asking the right questions -- instead we get to use a brand-new technique to slow time down and spot witnesses’ nervous habits when they tell lies, and our young magician friend is just the one to introduce it to us (much like Pearl introduced the Psyche-Lock mechanic to Phoenix).

She apparently knows about Apollo’s “perceive” ability from Phoenix, but how does she happen to have the same gift herself?  That remains a mystery until we learn about her past, which doesn’t happen until near the end of the game.

Thankfully, we aren’t playing the game here, so we can just skip ahead to that part.

During the third case, Trucy’s real father, Zak Gramarye, is given a brief mention, but all we learn about him is that he’s a magician who once belonged to Troupe Gramarye.  Who is he today, though?

It turns out his identity is none other than Shadi Smith, the card-playing drifter who was murdered by Kristoph (and the one partly responsible for Phoenix’s disbarment).  We could get into his *ah-HEM* wonderful fathering technique, but the important thing here is what we learn from him about Trucy and Apollo’s gift.

Whatever this strange ability is, it’s apparently hereditary, passed down from Trucy’s mother.  Also, as Phoenix deduces, Apollo shares this ability because, shocker of shockers, the two of them share the same mother, Thalassa Gramarye.

Who’d have thunk it?  Not even Phoenix, even though he’s a good thunker.

Speaking of Phoenix, let’s go back to his first meeting with young Trucy.

When she first entered his life, she was a famous magician’s daughter whose first “performance” was to help him escape a Guilty verdict.  She of course didn’t know at the time how long it would be before she saw him again, or the lawyer she was talking to would soon be replacing him.  It’s here, by the way, that we learn we she gets her charming grin from.

And then...tragedy.

With her father missing and no living relatives to take care of her, Trucy’s future looks even bleaker than Phoenix’s (which is saying a lot).  Thankfully, he offers to let her stay with him until her father comes back, and does his best to help her feel comfortable.  Luckily for both of them, her father already gave her some advice.

Then comes the big switcheroo.  As mentioned before, Trucy provided Phoenix with a reason to keep going after losing his job, but when we see how it actually took place, it becomes clear that she took it a step further than that -- she practically led him forward by the hand.

This makes me wonder something: could her vigorous encouragement have reminded Phoenix of another young woman who came into his life just after a tragedy occurred?

Maybe it’s just speculation, but it wouldn’t surprise me if Maya had crossed his mind.  He even told Trucy she could call him “Nick” if she wanted to.  If nothing else, that provided some serious heartfelt nostalgia.

One other thing I loved about AJ: AA is how it showed Trucy’s more fragile side near the end.  Things worked out pretty well for her after the ordeal with her father, but that doesn’t mean she felt no emotion about it.

We’ll never know how much of her sadness is due to her father’s death and how much is due to his sudden disappearance, but at least we’re given a chance to see her being less magical and more human.

And finally, let us fast-forward past Trucy’s adoption, her accidental reunion with her half-brother, and her antics in the courtroom to the final (and in my opinion, the best) big moment for her: The Magical Turnabout.  Here we get to see, through the magic of animation and voice-overs, how expertly Trucy performs and how confidently she speaks for the first time.

But just when things seem to be going better than ever for her and the new Troupe Gramarye...

What a way to go, huh?

Thankfully, that situation was an imaginary one (and she came out on top, as always), but then a real disaster occurs.

She’s lucky enough to have Apollo and Athena there to help her, but she’s left to wonder if Mr. Reus’s death was due to a fatal accident on her part.  If so, it would be a devastating blow to her magic career, besides destroying Troupe Gramarye’s reputation after it had just made a recovery.  Luckily, there’s one person who doesn’t believe she could make such a mistake, and who can see through her fake smile.

Then we get one more glimpse of Trucy’s human side, but for a completely different reason: Apollo’s faith in her performing ability, even as she struggles to believe in herself.

Unlike her previous crying scene, this one is more bittersweet than sad.  Having faith in your friends might be a cliche, but it’s moments like this when you see just how much it matters.

Things go from bad to worse when she suddenly finds herself in the Accused of Murder Club while her Daddy’s out of the country, but like always, the truth comes out in the end.  But here’s what I love most about this case: Trucy herself gets to play a role in proving her innocence, simply by doing what she does best: performing magic!

Besides giving her defense team new evidence to work with, her trick completely turns the room around.  Even Apollo couldn’t detect the sword switch with his kinetic vision.  Not bad for an impromptu performance, huh?

And if that wasn’t beautiful enough, the judge himself asks Trucy a favor before announcing a verdict:

Looks like she’s officially earned the title, hasn’t she?

So with all this in mind, what’s the best way to describe Trucy?  She’s a great magician, a strong motivator, a bringer of joy and encouragement to those around her, a comedy relief when one is needed, and...  Oh yeah, I forgot -- it turns out she’s also a bit of a sadist.

Sort of a weird character quirk for Capcom to give her, in my opinion, but not too hard to believe, I guess.

But most importantly, she’s a true entertainer, much like her old Daddy, and someone who knows how to smile even in the darkest of times and who has an eye (two, in fact) for the truth, much like her new Daddy.  You could say she represents the best of both worlds.

You’re still a jerk, though, Zak.

-The Co-Mod

[morganamysticblog]

The Royal Romance - The Anniversary - Part 3

Liam awoke early from a restless sleep.  He had replayed last night’s conversation over and over in his head.  Heather was right, he was becoming his father.  He tried to think back to the very beginning, remind himself how things were when they were madly in love.  The thoughts and images came flooding back.  He remembered when he couldn’t stand to be away from her even for a minute.  How he couldn’t take his eyes off her.  How his heart jumped every time he saw her.  She was his every waking thought, every dream, every fantasy.  It wasn’t just love he felt for her back then, she consumed him.  His whole reason for being was her.  That intensity, that level of love is what he had to get back somehow.

_____

Heather woke up and got dressed.  She walked down the hall to Eleanor’s room to wake her up for her breakfast and morning lessons.  

HEATHER – Good morning my sweetheart.

ELEANOR – Morning mommy.

HEATHER – It’s time to wake up.

ELEANOR – I’m still sleepy.

HEATHER – I know you are, but it’s time to get up.

ELEANOR – But why?

HEATHER – It’s breakfast time.  Then you have your morning lessons.  I believe you have reading with Mrs. Fitz today.

ELEANOR – Ok.  I guess.

Heather helps Eleanor get dressed then they head downstairs to breakfast. Liam is sitting at the table sipping some coffee and reading a newspaper.

ELEANOR – Good morning daddy!

LIAM – Good morning Ellie. Did you sleep well?

ELEANOR – Oh yes.  It was all cupcakes and rainbows.  How about you daddy?

LIAM – It was ok. Heather, did you sleep well dear?

HEATHER – Uh, yeah.

LIAM – So what are you plans for today Ellie?

ELEANOR – I have reading lessons today.  But can we play later daddy?

LIAM – Of course. What about you, Heather?  Any plans for today?

HEATHER – I may go in to town for a bit this morning.  I haven’t decided yet.

LIAM – Would you like some company?

HEATHER – I’ll be fine. Thank you.  If you’ll both excuse me.

Heather gets up from the table leaving Eleanor and Liam together.  She heads back up to her room and calls Drake.

DRAKE – Hey Heather.

HEATHER – Hey Drake. Um…are you busy today?

DRAKE – No.  I have the day off actually.  What’s up?

HEATHER – Can I come over for a little while?

DRAKE – Of course. You do understand you’re killing my Super Mario Bros. time, but I guess I can put it down for a little bit for you.

HEATHER – Thanks. I’ll be there soon.

DRAKE – Ok.  See you soon.

Heather goes back downstairs and asks one of the house staff to bring a car around for her.  Liam comes out of the dining room as the servant walks away.

LIAM – I’m sorry about last night.  I really did not mean to start an argument.

HEATHER – I know you didn’t. I know you had good intentions.  I just think you don’t think these things through all the way.  

LIAM – I got excited about the possibility of being able to step back and just be with you.  And I didn’t think it through, you’re right.  I will come up with something, I promise.

HEATHER – Ok.  

SERVANT – Your majesty, your car is ready.

HEATHER – Thank you. Liam, I’ll be back later.  

LIAM – I will be here.

Heather leaves and drives to Drake’s apartment.

Drake opens the door for Heather when she arrives.  She plops down on the couch.

DRAKE – Rough morning?

HEATHER – The morning has been ok…last night was a whole different story.  I can’t take this anymore Drake.  I have to get out of here.

DRAKE – So, where do you want to go?

HEATHER – Drake, can I ask you something?

DRAKE – Anything.

HEATHER – Have you ever wondered about me?  I mean like my past.  Where I grew up, my parents, things like that?

DRAKE – Maybe a little. I just never really thought to ask, I guess.  Why?

HEATHER – If I tell you something, do you promise not to freak out or think of me differently?

DRAKE – Uh, ok.  Sure.

HEATHER – The times you were in Texas, have you ever heard of a place called North Fork Ranch?

DRAKE – Yeah, I think my mom mentioned it a couple times.

HEATHER – And have you ever heard of Riley Oil?

DRAKE – Vaguely.  Why the sudden interest in Texas?

HEATHER – Because that’s where I’m from.  Texas.

DRAKE – I thought you were from New York.

HEATHER – I moved to New York when I was 17, my junior year in high school.  After…after my parents died.

DRAKE – So you had family there?  

HEATHER – No.  I just moved.  I had to get away and New York always seemed so cool and exciting, so I found a good private school, and I moved.

DRAKE – Ok.  I’m still not quite understanding.

HEATHER – Drake, what is my name?

DRAKE – Heather.

HEATHER – My full name?

DRAKE – Heather Riley.

HEATHER – Uh huh…

DRAKE – Riley…Riley Oil…you’re Heather Riley.  Oh my God. You’re Riley Oil.

HEATHER – Yeah.

Drake just stares at her for a long moment.  Looking at her like he’s seeing her for the first time.

HEATHER – Drake, say something.

DRAKE – I just…wow. Why didn’t you say something sooner?

HEATHER – Everyone was so content with me just being Heather, the broke waitress from New York. So, I went with it.  Well, that was me, but not all at the same time.  

DRAKE – This explains so much.  How you were able to afford all those gowns and events, how you knew exactly what to do and say around the nobles. You’re like American royalty.

HEATHER – Basically. At least in Dallas I was.

DRAKE – Wow. Just…wow.

HEATHER – I’m guessing this changes how you see me now, huh?

DRAKE – Actually…no. I mean, you’re still the same person you were a few minutes ago.  Just with a whole lot more money.  Holy crap, you’re just as rich as Liam.  I mean Riley Oil is worth hundreds of billions of dollars.

HEATHER – Yeah.

DRAKE – Wow.  But you’re still so…normal.

HEATHER – Well, I was away from all that for 10 years before I moved here.

DRAKE – True. Huh.  Thanks for telling me.  Why the sudden interest to share your past?

HEATHER – I’ve been thinking a lot the past few days about going back.  Back to Texas.  Back to the ranch.

DRAKE – Ah.  Does Liam know?

HEATHER – About me leaving or about my past?

DRAKE – Both?

HEATHER – He knows I want to go somewhere, but he doesn’t know where. And you are the only one here I have told about anything from my past. Daniel is the only other person who knows everything.

DRAKE – Oh wow.  You trust me that much?

HEATHER – Of course. After everything we’ve been through, honestly I should have told you sooner.

DRAKE – Huh.  So, when are you leaving?

HEATHER – I don’t know yet. Soon.  Like maybe in the next couple days.  I don’t want to use the royal jet because then Liam will be able to track where I went. And it’s not like I can drive there.

DRAKE – True.  

HEATHER – I may call the company and see if I can borrow the corporate jet for a couple days.

DRAKE – Well, keep me posted.  I can go with if you want.

HEATHER – That would be great, but I think for now I just need to be on my own.  Well, just me and Ellie.

DRAKE – I understand.

HEATHER – So…ready to get your butt kicked on some Super Mario Bros.?

DRAKE – Oh…bring it on!!

___

Liam paced the floor in the grand ballroom thinking.  Last night’s effort to prove himself to Heather was a complete failure.  He needed to do something to show her how much she truly meant to him.  Then inspiration hit him.  He called for a servant.

SERVANT – Yes, your majesty?

LIAM – I want to plan a surprise for the queen.  I’ll need a cake just like the one we had at our wedding.  Chocolate mocha with buttercream frosting, designed exactly the way we had our cake.

SERVANT – Of course, sir. When would you like it?

LIAM – As soon as they can get it here.  I’ll also need all the peach roses you can get and have them set up here in the ballroom.

SERVANT – Of course. I’ll call the florist right away.

LIAM – And, Heather’s dress she wore at the reception.  Could you get that and have it in her room ready for her to wear?

SERVANT – Definitely. I know exactly where it is, sir.

LIAM – And two bottles of our wine that we had at the wedding, chilled with two glasses.

SERVANT – Is there anything else, sir?

LIAM – Music.  We’ll need music.  And possibly something to eat.  I’ve got it…a simple pasta with red sauce for two.

SERVANT – I will start making the preparations right away.  When would you like everything set up, sir?

LIAM – As soon as possible. I don’t know how long Heather will be gone and I’d like to have it all ready when she returns.

SERVANT – We’ll have it ready your majesty.

LIAM – Thank you.

Liam clasps his hands behind his back, a small satisfied smile on his face. Recreating their wedding reception, but just for the two of them.  Without the kidnapping and threat of imminent death, of course.  And the meal they shared together at the Beaumont estate as their first date.  

LIAM – Oh…Heather’s sword. We’ll need that as well to cut the cake. If I’m doing this, I may as well go all the way.

About an hour later delivery trucks begin arriving at the palace.  Workers bring in vases upon vases of peach roses and line them along the walls of the ballroom. The baker delivers a perfect replica of their wedding cake and sets it up on a table along one side.  Liam places Heather’s sword in front of the cakes. Heather’s dress is laying on their bed waiting.  The music is ready.  Liam has the remote in his pocket.  A cook from the kitchen finds Liam pacing in the ballroom.

COOK – The items you requested for the meal are ready your majesty.  I can have everything ready in about 15 minutes when you tell us you’re ready.

LIAM – Excellent. Thank you.

Everything was coming together nicely.  Now he needed to change.  Digging through the closet in the bedroom he found the white formal suit he wore for their wedding and put it on.  He headed back down to the ballroom.  The servants were finishing setting up.  One small table was set up with two chairs. Two taper candles and a small bouquet of peach roses sat on the table. The swirling colored lights glowed and swayed across the dance floor.

SERVANT – Is there anything else you require your majesty?

LIAM – When the queen arrives, could you please make sure she goes straight up to the bedroom and changes into her dress?  Then have someone escort her here.

SERVANT – Of course sir.

Liam looked at his watch. It was almost noon.  He didn’t want to rush her if she was busy, but he was also getting anxious to show her his surprise.  He decided to send her a message to check on her.

TEXT TO HEATHER – My darling, will you be much longer?  I wondered if we could have lunch together.

Then…he waited.

_____

DRAKE – Seriously? What is that 10 times you’ve kicked my butt?  Ok…I give up. You are the Mario Bros. master.

HEATHER – I told you I was good at this.  Not my fault you didn’t believe me.

DRAKE – And here I thought I was your friend, not your whipping boy.

HEATHER – Ha ha ha ha ha. Only when it comes to Mario Bros. How’s that?

DRAKE – Fine.  You getting hungry?

(Heather’s phone buzzes.)

HEATHER – Yeah, actually. Ugh...hang on a sec.

Heather checks her phone and reads the message from Liam.

HEATHER – Rain check on lunch?  Liam wants to have lunch together.

DRAKE – Sure.  Still giving him a chance, huh?

HEATHER – I told him I’d give him 24 hours.  He has 3 left.  Might as well go with it.

DRAKE – Alright.  Talk to you later.

Heather leaves Drake’s apartment and drives back to the palace.  She parks the car in front and gets out heading to the door.  A servant opens the door for her before she can reach the handle.

SERVANT – Welcome home your majesty.  If you would follow me, please.

HEATHER – Um, ok.

The servant leads Heather up to the bedroom.

SERVANT – The king requested you wear the dress laid out for you.  When you’re ready I will escort you to the ballroom.

HEATHER – The ballroom? Is there some spontaneous ball I wasn’t informed about?

SERVANT – No ma’am. Just let me know when you’re ready.

HEATHER – Uh, ok.

Heather closes the door to the bedroom and sees her reception dress laying on the bed.

HEATHER – What the heck is going on?  Why does he want me to wear this? Hopefully it still fits.

Heather changes into the white sparkling dress.  It fit perfectly.  She finds some white shoes in the closet and puts those on.  She touches up her makeup and fixes her hair a little more formally. Then she opens the door where the servant is waiting for her.

SERVANT – Right this way ma’am.

The servant leads Heather to the doors of the ballroom.  She knocks, then leaves Heather alone in front of the large double doors.

Liam opens the door. When he sees Heather standing there in her dress, he almost faints.

LIAM – You look absolutely breathtaking my love.

Heather notices Liam is wearing his formal suit from their wedding.  He looks gorgeous…to the point she’s speechless.

Liam takes her hand and leads her into the ballroom.  As she scans the room, candles and roses line the walls, a small table for two sits in the center of what would normally be the large seating area.  Everything looks amazing.

HEATHER – What is all this?

LIAM – I wanted to surprise you.  Happy Anniversary my darling.  I know it’s a little late, and I am so very sorry for that.

HEATHER – Liam, this is beautiful.  Is that our wedding cake?

LIAM – Yes.  I tried to recreate everything.  Well, the good parts.  I guarantee there will be no kidnapping and no assassination attempts. Only you and me, together.

Liam leads Heather to the table and pulls out the chair for her to sit down.  He sits down I the chair opposite her and the cook brings out the two dishes of simple pasta.

HEATHER – This looks like the dinner we had at the Beaumont estate.  Our first date you called it.

LIAM – Exactly.  I wanted everything to be perfect, just like you.

HEATHER – Liam, this…this is absolutely amazing.  I…I don’t know what to even say.

LIAM – You don’t have to say anything.  As long as we’re together, that’s all that matters.

When they finish eating, Liam stands and extends his hand to Heather.  She takes it and he leads her to the dance floor.  He pushes the play button on the remote in his pocket.  

LIAM – May I have this dance?  (Bryan Adams – Everything I Do begins playing)

HEATHER – I would love to.

Liam holds Heather in his arms as they sway to the music.  Holding her so close, he actually begins to feel a little nervous and shakes a little.

HEATHER – Are you ok? You’re shaking.

LIAM – I’m fine.  Just a little nervous actually.

HEATHER – Why are you nervous?

LIAM – I haven’t been this close to you in quite a while.  Which is my own fault, I know.  I just forgot how good it feels to hold you like this.  I feel like I did the first time I saw you all those years ago in New York.  You took my breath away then, and you still do now.

HEATHER – Liam…

As the song begins to fade they pull apart just a bit.  Liam stares down into Heather’s eyes.  A soft, sweet smile on his face as he soaks in every feature of her face.

LIAM – You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life.  I promise you here and now that I will never take you for granted again.  I love you, Heather.

HEATHER – I love you too.

Liam cups his hand on the side of Heather’s cheek pulling her mouth up to him.  He kisses her gently, closing his eyes and floating with the touch of her lips against his.  His had sliding to the back of her neck, the other around her waist, holding her close, feeling her heart beat against his chest.  Heather wraps her arms around Liam as the kiss turns more and more passionate and heated.  She begins to grab and bunch up the back of his jacket with her fingers as their tongues touch and swirl together.  She lets out a soft moan.  After what seems like forever and mere seconds, they part, staring at each other.

HEATHER – There you are.

LIAM – Here I am.  And I’m not going anywhere.  At least not anywhere without you right by my side, always.

HEATHER – I missed this. I almost forgot how hot you are. And how good it feels to be in your arms and kiss you like that.

LIAM – Me too.

Liam gives Heather a small seductive smirk, then kisses her again, sliding his hands down her back to her hips.

Heather begins to melt into Liam.  His kiss reminded her of their first kiss that day in Paris.  Heat and desire emanating from him.  Her legs began to go weak. The room disappeared around her.  The only thing grounding her were his lips and tongue against hers.  She hadn’t felt this much intensity, this much desire, this much pure need in a long time.  With great hesitation, she pulls away from him, staring deeply into his sparkling brown eyes.

HEATHER – Upstairs…Now.

LIAM – I was hoping you would say that.

Liam grabs Heather’s hand as they leave the ballroom and head upstairs to their bedroom.  A servant sees them and begins to say something. Heather holds up a hand to silence the servant as they make their way up the stairs.

Once inside the room, the door is barely closed before Liam practically jumps at Heather, kissing her with such heat, passion and desire that she is nearly knocked over.  Their lips parted, tongues intertwined, caressing each other. They each begin working the fastenings of each other’s clothes without breaking the kiss. Touching and rubbing each other’s newly exposed bare skin.

When their clothes have finally been removed and thrown all over the room, Liam holds Heather tightly in his arms, sliding his hands gently down her body from her shoulders, down her back, to her hips and buttocks.  A small moan of pleasure escapes him.

Heather slides her hands down the front of Liam, his shoulders, his strong muscular chest, and down further.

LIAM – Oh my God I want you.

HEATHER – Then come have me.

With her hand slowing rubbing and gliding up and down Liam’s hardness, she leads him to the bed. Kissing and running their hands all over each other, he lays her down, then starts kissing her entire body starting with her feet, up her calves, her thighs, then up in between.  She arches her back, leaning up into him.  The feel of his tongue and lips against her fuels the passion within her even more.  She closes her eyes only to see fireworks start going off behind her eyelids.  Just as the pleasure is about to overwhelm her, he slides up the rest of her body and slides himself inside of her.

The comfort of feeling him inside her again almost puts her over the edge instantly.  Heather wraps her legs around Liam’s waist and he begins rocking his hips against her.  They begin moving together as if molded to fit perfectly.  The intensity of passion and desire coming together with each thrust. After several minutes Liam quickens his pace readying himself for the release of pure pleasure.  Heather joins him and they both let out moans of ecstasy.

Liam slowly lays down beside Heather, holding her close in his arms, her head on his chest.  He takes deep breaths breathing in the sweet sensual smell of her. After a few minutes, Heather bolts up in bed.

HEATHER – There was cake downstairs.

LIAM – Yes, there is cake downstairs.

HEATHER – Let’s spring Ellie early from her lessons and have cake.

LIAM – That sounds wonderful.

[coll2mitts]

Super Mario Bros. (1993)

Thanks to the awesome people who donated to Extra Life (you still can, btw!)  y'all will now be treated to a retrospective on the 1993 classic movie, Super Mario Bros.  When I took on this milestone, the first (and only) person I messaged for ideas on terrible (but wonderful) films based on video games was my friend Max, who has a history of viewing and talking about bad movies.  He suggested this, and while I was aware of this magnificent piece of cinema history, I had not had the pleasure of viewing it myself.  He hooked me up with a copy, and to say this film lived up to my expectations would be an understatement.

I couldn’t help but be charmed by this movie.  It is filled with so many questionable creative choices that were fucking ridiculous.  Mario and Luigi not being blood related?  Sure.  Cheesy Italian accents replaced with a New York ones?  Yeah, why not?  Having all the enemies in Super Mario Bros. be canonically dinosaurs?  I mean... It's a choice informed by the great media dino wave of 1993, but whatever.  Yoshi is a dinosaur, if we want to extend that to goombas and Koopa for whatever reason, I'm down.  Having these dinosaurs live underneath New York City in a parallel dimension?  It's based on a video game, why the fuck not?  Everything is so goddamn bonkers.

The opening credits roll, and we’re told that 65 million years ago, a meteor created said underground parallel universe dinosaur land.  We witness a human-looking woman, who is really a dinosaur, leaving an egg baby on a church doorstep.  Don’t think about it too hard, the logistics of a human giving birth to an egg that size are just... it’s gross to think about.

We’re then introduced to the titular characters, Mario Mario and Luigi Mario.  Yes, their last names are Mario.  Making them the Mario brothers.  Because this movie is interested in answering the important questions.  Mario is the owner of a failing plumbing business, while Luigi is a conspiracy theorist who would have really enjoyed modern-day YouTube.

While they’re out trying to find work, they run into Miss Amy March herself, Daisy, who is an archeologist in charge of digging up dinosaur bones from a New York City construction site.  She’s being forced off the property by the mob, who apparently are annoyed that a blonde lady in cargo shorts is coming between them and whatever the fuck they’re building.  

They try and intimidate her, she storms off to use a payphone to call for security, and is almost picked up by two inconspicuous bozos in a cab who apparently are stealing Brooklyn women off the street for no reason.  Their plan is quickly thwarted by a random moving pane of glass.

Instead, Daisy runs right into Luigi, who forgets how to human once he sees her pretty face.  He asks her on a date, where she reveals even more exposition.  She believes the meteor that destroyed the dinosaurs landed in New York City.  Oh, and also, she’s the abandoned egg baby.  Luigi is also an orphan, and this shared trauma apparently gets them both hot and bothered.  They wander off to the dig site, because an underground pit attached to a sewer is so romantic, and it is also where Daisy feels the most comfortable.

What if we made out at the bone pit?

Their touching moment is cut short when the mob sabotages the plumbing in the sewer and water starts flooding the area.  They run to get Mario, because he is a plumber, to fix the pipes, which is so fucking clutch, I love it so much.

While the Mario brothers are distracted, Daisy is captured by the weirdo twins and dragged into the alternate dinosaur universe.  Mario and Luigi follow, and we’re treated to the most fucking amazing transition scene of Bob Hoskins spinning wildly through colorful rocks.

Turns out, parallel dinosaur world, or Dinohattan, is fucking lit as hell.  I am convinced that Futurama based their sewer city on this movie.

King Koopa, who is a dinosaur with badly bleached hair gelled back in an effort to look like Michael Douglas in Wall Street, has taken over Dinohattan.  He is the one who asked the goons to kidnap Daisy, because of the tacky crystal necklace she wears.  Apparently, it is a piece of the meteorite that crashed into earth, and once he puts the piece back into the original space rock, the dinosaur world will merge with the mammal world after 65 million years of his people being sequestered underground, and Koopa will have endless resources at his disposal.  Also, Daisy is a princess, and her dad is a giant fungus taking over the city, so that’s totally normal and not at all weird.

Problem is, the two idiots he sent to grab her didn’t think to check if she was wearing the necklace.  Turns out, Luigi has the necklace, or had the necklace, as they are quickly mugged by a granny, who is then robbed by a lady with a bright red spiky latex coat and springy robot feet.  The brothers are then arrested by the dinocops and are grilled by Koopa for the whereabouts of the rock.  When they play dumb he uh... reacts in a proportionate way.

I am not even going to attempt to explain the devo process...  It is a combination of insane and fucking disgusting.  Whoever in the costuming department looked at the cute fucking mushroom Goombas in the video game and decided to translate them into this scaly, jagged-teethed nightmare fuel deserves to be committed.

Also, there’s only one lizard king, and that’s Jim Morrison, so back off, buddy.

What is hilarious to me is this is the story the screenwriters came up with.  Super Mario, as a video game, doesn’t have much lore, right?  You slide down pipes, you jump on mushrooms, and you save the princess from a spiky turtle.  They took that game and created... This.  A parallel underground dinosaur universe that has a sentient fungus as a king, taken over by a human-like t-rex that devolves other lizards into tiny-headed night paralysis demons.

The middle of this movie alternates between a slog of expositional scenes about Daisy being a princess, and pretty entertaining action scenes of the Mario brothers running from Goombas while trying to find and save Daisy.  Mario and Luigi steal a cop car and drive it off a cliff Thelma and Louise-style; They cosplay as Ketchup and Mustard to steal the necklace back from Big Burtha while asking her to stomp on them; They jump off a bridge into a garbage truck; They break the pipes in Koopa’s building to freeze everything, and get past an elevator full of Goombas by making them dance.

Watching Daisy damsel-in-distress-it in Koopa’s high rise office building and fend off advances by a long-tongued dude who devolved her father into a mushroom was pretty boring and disturbing.  Alternatively, witnessing Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo pretend to jump on giant sheets of fungus really sold this movie for me.  It succeeds when it tries to be ridiculous and fun, and fall flat when it attempts to integrate any sort of drama that I’m assuming was added to make this story more appealing to adults.

Mario and Luigi eventually find Daisy, and she introduces them to her father - a giant dripping blob suspended from the ceiling.  Luigi wants in her pants badly enough that he pretends this is a reasonable thing to do.  Mario heads further into the building to free the other ladies kidnapped by tweedle dee and tweedle dum that they initially thought were Daisy, but weren’t.  The newly assembled group are able to escape by sliding down the frozen pipes on a mattress before they are green-screen launched out of the pipe and back into the greater Dinohattan area.

The amount of times Mario and Luigi use their plumbing skills to overcome obstacles may be my favorite part of this movie.  The plot goes out of its way to justify a really bizarre character trait for the original game.

Anyway, the end of this movie comes at you fast.  First, the sentient fungus king gives Mario and Luigi a bomb, and they decide to wind it up and aim it at Koopa.  This takes about 10 minutes of screen time to matter again.

Koopa’s second-in-command tries to merge Daisy’s stolen necklace with the meteor, and instead gets skeletoned to bits, prompting the best line delivery reaction from Daisy, a deadpan “Yikes”.

Because the necklace has now been returned to its resting place, the worlds start to merge Infinity War style.

“Mr. Koopa, I don’t feel so good.”

Koopa and Mario end up back in Manhattan, and Koopa just starts shooting his devo guns at human mobsters, turning them back into primates, and giving their wardrobe a whole new literal definition of monkey suit.

Luigi uses his super plumbing powers to drill the necklace back out of the meteor, separating the worlds again.  The bomb finally goes off, they devo Koopa into slime, and the citizens celebrate by immediately painting over his ever-prevalent propaganda.

The king evolves back into a mushroom person or something, and Daisy stays in Dinohattan to get to know her father better.  Mario and Luigi return to their lives in Brooklyn as plumbers, and their heroic acts make them conspiracy community famous, as they now refer to our heroes as the Super Mario Brothers.  Roll Credits.

Except not, because Daisy returns to ask for the help of a couple of great plumbers, setting up a sequel that will never, ever happen because there is no god and we’re not allowed to feel joy.

Honestly, Super Mario Bros. is great.  It owned every bold plot and visual choice it made, and I have to respect it.  I could listen to John Leguizamo say Mario like 700 more times.  Y’all are missing out if you think you’re too cool to watch this movie.

I’ll be back to musical reviews later this month.  I have a few seasonally appropriate movies in my big red sack waiting to be placed under the tree...  Yes, I meant to phrase it that way.

[elegiacmarquise]

More love for the pink damsel

This is a rant, the first and the only, that I wrote a while ago and which I posted previously on DeviantArt and reposted on the Mario Amino, few days after the release of Super Mario Odyssey, after a new wave of hatred towards Princess Peach...

Considering that, nevertheless, the princess' relationship with most fans has always been ambiguous, what may have seemed to be tolerable, now is no longer acceptable speaking from the prospective of Peach's admirer, and hoping to be a spokesman for who, like me, genuinely appreciates her.

--------------------------------------------------

But before starting with the proper rant, why do I post this writing, even if they passed almost two years when I did write it? A YouTube video made by the quite famous personality of RelaxAlax which I Iink below.

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Quite shallow, huh?

But this will NOT be an hate speech towards Alax, the rest of his videos are actually enjoyable and sometimes funny, but despite what he says in the video is nothing more and nothing less than what most Peach's haters actually say, I'm fearing that even due to this video, people are convinced to hate the pink princess without even knowing the truth behind her character.

But I must've taken you a lot of time, let's begin this speech, which was inspired by an older one (now deleted) posted by a friend of mine on Deviantart.

Let’s get started from the most recurring insults about the personality

"Peach is weak!!!"

While it’s true that for most of the games the Princess is kidnapped by Bowser or any enemy, it’s also the case that several times she has proved to be not so helpless, and even trying to escape to her kidnapper more than once indicates that Peach is not just staying there to patiently wait her hero; indeed, she was the only one along with Rosalina and Toadette who was been able to defend herself.

Some proofs? Super Princess Peach, Super Paper Mario, Super Mario 3D Land/ World, Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle, Super Smash Bros series...

"So why is she always kidnapped?!"

Nintendo logic. Just joking, I think that the reason is due to the fact that Peach, like anyone else, is an human being, with her fears and anxieties, and so what can she do if suddenly there is a monster bigger at least the triple of her accompanied by an huge army? Not everyone is badass, and she obviously is not always, but is it a good reason to hate her? I don’t think so.

Also remember that even two stronger characters like Mario and Luigi often struggle during the battles with Bowser, how could a delicate princess?

So, in a more general view, how much it’s wrong to blame the victims and not the kidnappers? Why does everyone hate Peach for this and not BOWSER?

And there are Daisy, Pauline and Zelda, who were kidnapped as well, but still worshipped as goddesses...

"Peach is stupid!!1!"

If the Princess was actually that stupid,she wouldn't be on a throne ruling a whole kingdom peacefully nor even to try a time machine or even called to try to find a cure to a plague that affected the Mushroom Kingdom. She may not have an IQ of 300 like Dr Eggman,but that doesn't mean she's stupid.

Characters who are REALLY "stupid" on purpose, like Wario and Waluigi, loved because they are. Now, people, don't tell me you aren't uncoherent.

"Peach has no personality!1!"

So, a sweet and kind personality shouldn’t be a good character trait? Great, so we wasted years and years of characterization in a video game character.

Even a little development is always putted in while creating a characte and, as we are seeing, Miyamoto and Nintendo are generally developing the character of the princess, in the best, demonstrating that even the princess is not a fossilized archetype in Mario's existence for thirty years. She’s so sweet and kind, but also has values, friends and a dignity that defends strenuously.

Guys, Peach is human, so she has flaws, and that's right, but saying that she doesn’t have personality is an insult to both her and Nintendo in general.

Let's compare for a moment Peach and Rei Ayanami from Evangelion, and see who is not supposed to have personality. (although Rei also has a very strong, still not obvious, characterization that develops in the course of the series)

"Peach is a Mary Sue!!!1!"

A Mary Sue would theoretically is a character with too unnatural characteristics for their universe or species, overly powerful and often accompanied by a tragic backstory; in short, it's misleading in their context. By applying this description to Peach, how should she be a Mary Sue?

As explained in the previous paragraphs, the Princess, still mostly human, has a magical power that is always inferior to those of other characters, such as Rosalina; and comparing it with the Star Guardian, shouldn’t be her chararcter be more similar in the description of a Sue? Consistency, this unknown concept...

I see you already with the forks in your hands, but let me clarify one thing, even a character like Rosalina is not a Mary Sue, she still has her flaws, and we love her as she is, but if Peach is one, Rosalina fits the definition WAY more.

Let’s talk about the character design

"Peach always wears pink!!1!"

Come on, guys, hating a character for a color is a such superficial thing that, would do kindergarten children the most.

Pink is a color like all the others, in the spectrum of colors, so anyone can wear it, even males.

(Trivia: up to a few decades ago, pink was more of a masculine color, given to boys since it’s a lighter version of red, a color considered manly)

Peach is looking good with pink and no one in Mario games seems to complain too much about that, and so, so why do we fans do?

"Peach is girly!!!!1!”

And so? A female character to be worthy of this name must be a tomboy or a badass with a gun on her hands? You have great prospects in mind, my dear ones, just like that.

Seriously, why does a character who likes to cure herself, should be banned from today's media?

However, almost all the girls in the Mario games are femminine, even Daisy, despite being described as a tomboy, so it doesn’t seem a good excuse for hating a character.

"Peach is blonde!!!1!"

Guys that stereotype that everyone who is blonde must be stupid it's not only extremely outdated, but there are a lot of people who consider it quite offensive. Open your minds! Go, go! The isn't any relations about the quantity of melaninine on the hair and the actual intelligence.

Even Rosalina and most of the Zeldas encountered in the games are blondes, but nobody seems to care.

"Peach has an annoying voice!!1!"

All the characters in the Mario games have their voices emphasized, guys, and Peach isn’t an exception.

There are characters with even more exaggerated voices, trust me, like Daisy, Toad or Rosalina's new dubbing, but for certain reasons, only Peach should be demonized for that by fans.

"Peach is a prostitute!!1!"

This is one of the most recurring insults that are ever placed against our hated Princess, and that's what I'm wondering where most haters have been losing their credibility.

Did Peach ever wear provocative clothes? NO. (unless you have a fetishism towards biker suits and similar outfits)

Has she ever tried to seduce anyone she saw? NEVER (what you see on Rule34 and other lewd sites is not canon, I'm sorry)

Let's be clear: Peach is just the opposite of the stereotype of the prostitute, as being a sweet, gentle, and that kind of girl who rarely makes sloppy thoughts; And yet Mario is not the kind of game that is suitable to show sensual girls often.

Another point: how do people define as that Peach and not Pauline or Valentina from Super Mario RPG, who are wearing much revealing clothes (and not even worthy to be called with those sick names)? Mystery of the Faith.

PS. Giving a prostitute to someone is not fashionable anymore :3

Now, let’s analyse that kind of insults that relate with Peach’s relationships with other characters

"Peach isn’t grateful to Mario!!!!1!"

Ever since Peach has never been grateful to Mario? WHEN? She kisses him, and fills him with cakes. What should the Princess do more with him? having sex is not a good answer, and it doesn't even marrying him.

Mario is still a sweet and family friendly series, if you want NSFW art, go to rule34 or look good at deviantart, but don’t expect explicit scenes in similar games.

"Peach is a tyrant who abuses Toads!!!1!"

But since that is so, seriously, did I miss some details? And no, The Game Theorists, aren’t worth as a source of inspiration since theirs is only a mere SPECULATION (also badly made imho).

To me Peach has always seemed like the OPPOSITE of a tyrant! She’s a good sovereign who’s caring for her subjects, and most of the Toads are happy with her guide and willing whenever she needs help.

I guess you are thinking of the Toad used from the princess during Super Smash Bros: If we analyse well what our beloved mushroom does during the frames in which we can see him, we can notice that doesn’t acts as a shield for the princess, but is determined more than ever to attack with his spores, so for me this isn’t a point to demonise Peach at all.

Then do you think that in Smash bros Rosalina does something way more serious?! She fights with a Luma, one of her CHILDREN all the time. But since she is our beloved star waifu, Peach is not worth to be compared lmao.

Again this time implore the sacred goddess of the consistency for forgiving their vain words...

"Peach betrays Daisy!!!1!"

Peach and Daisy have proven themselves to be best friends since the first time they appeared together, and even now their idyllic relationship hasn’t stopped being shown in the games and even in that LINE stickers that came out a while ago!

How Peach Should betray Daisy? For Rosalina, for Pauline? I think all the girls in the world of Mario are friendly to each other, so I don’t see any reasons in a betray, since at worst they are in a friendly rivalry.

"Peach is much less sexy than Rosalina / Pauline!!!1!"

If I can understand why Pauline can be considered sensual, how should Rosalina be? She’s wearing just a turquoise dress, which does not reveals much, and which can only be sexualized in the most indecent fanarts drawn by FANS indeed, but we all know the new religion that places the guardian of the Lumas to a brand new god.

However, all of Mario girls have been designed to be beautiful, not sex objects, not even Pauline, and none of them will agree to be your beautiful waifus condescending to all your fantasies, deal with it!

"Peach is not tomboy like Daisy is!!!1!"

And this is what connects to the previous point where the Princess was insulted to be girly. Assuming that even Daisy, in her own way, is girly (if she was totally a tomboy, she wouldn’t certainly wear those long dresses with ease, nor she would have her notorious passion for flowers), it’s not nice to have a bit of variety in the characters personalities? Go on, Peach is a gentle and sweet girl, Daisy is exuberant and sporty, Rosalina, calm and majestic, Wendy spoiled yet powerful, Toadette cheerful and curious, and finally Pauline concrete and passionate. Everyone compensates their gaps with the others, and this balance between the girls is fine, so please do not compare all the girls, Peach first, to Daisy.

"Peach appears too much in the games, so she's overrated!!!1!"

Guys, our princess is one of the protagonists of Mario's videogames, along with the plumber, his brother, Bowser and Toad, so it's natural that she often appears in the games. After all, Peach (after Pauline, who belonged for long time to another series) is the first of the princesses to appear, so it's logical that Nintendo would value that in this way.

And another little thing: the word overrated does NOT mean popular in its own universe, it means overly popular among its FANS.

And Peach has relatively few fans compared to the other main characters.

And, as the final cherry on the cake, let’s talk about Odyssey, who can have reassume prevous points, but what is equally needed, because of the following reasons

"PEACH IS A BITCH WHO HASN’T ACCEPTED MARIO'S PROPOSAL, STUPID AND UNGRATEFUL!!!1! THAT’S OBVIOUS THAT MARIO CHOOSES PAULINE!!!1!"

And here we come to the juice of the speech, and at this point I would like to ask: but have you seen the final cutscene of the game, or are you just knocking on your keyboards to don’t make feel the keys alone and misunderstood?

Let’s assume that after a long, tiring journey along the WHOLE world, with a monster bigger at least the triple of you who is doing everything to organize a NOT-wanted marriage with you; and  immediately soon after being rescued, at the end of an extravagant battle, you have not one, but TWO contenders for your hand, what are you doing? The doll who gives all of herself to her hero just because she saved you? But in which period are we, in the nineteenth century?

Guys, let's talk seriously, would you immediately answer to a such serious question, which can change the rest of your life, on the moon under such conditions? I really don’t think so.

So Peach did, showing her intelligence, and why not, joking over it. It wasn’t the place nor the time for Mario and Bowser to move such proposals, and I honestly think that Peach done right to refuse both of them, I believe, momentarily.

And so centuries of feminist struggles went cancelled because of a video game character...

"PEACH HAS LEFT MARIO AND BOWSER ON THE MOON!!1!"

Yeah, okay, Odyssey's final was what it was, but you can’t hate a character because she's not a puppet in Mario or Bowser's hand. Tell me, you first complained that Peach had no character and now that she has explicated it, in good, you hate her the same? Consistency, this unknown concept...

However, for this detail, have you noticed that Peach eventually called Mario on the Odyssey, even though it had already started to fly? Mario had all the time he needed to get on board with the Princess and her friends. Even if Mario couldn't make it to the Odyssey (which is also unlikely under a cautious analysis of the cutscene), I even highly doubt that not only Bowser but all the other wedding's guests (including PAULINE) were diying there, surely there was at least ONE other vehicle which could bring back them home.

Also think about Peach's dialogues in the post-game: she completely forgave Mario's misbehaving and she's still happy to see him to the point to give him all the moons she gets! So she’s not that ungrateful...

And that's what I needed to say. Guys, please stop hating Peach, she didn’t do anything, and certainly she doesn’t deserve your insults.

In these times, the princess is among the main characters the most hated, even much more than Daisy or Zelda, who have their great slice of fans, who would do anything for them and even considering them "better" in Smash Bros.

I'm sorry to have written this rant but I'm sure this time is really needed...

Fandoms, Mario included, can be beautiful places where you can meet fantastic people but at the same time you can witness this free hate episodes even from famous personalities...

Thank you for reading, and see you soon.

---------------------------------------------------

P.S. Below I show you the main places where the princess is hated for the above reasons.

Gamefaqs, TheTopTens.com, Marioboards, DeviantArt and Youtube

P.P.S. Please, do not go to the video I've mentioned only to insult the youtuber: despite that entry is far from being well-crafted, he made enjoyable content as well. He deserves respect as well and if you really want to discuss in the comment section about the subject, please be polite

P.P.P.S. If you hate Peach and you feel to comment here, please write maturely, well-structured comments. If we can have a mature dialogue, it's best for both of us.

[jamielea81]

The Three Times You Met Sam Winchester

One Shot - About 4,800 words

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader, Dean Winchester

Warnings: Minor angst, fluff, minor violence, a few curse words, implied smut (but not really)

This is my first Supernatural fic so please be gentle. Feedback, comments, reblogs are always appreciated. This is unbeta’d, so all mistakes are my own. 

Thanks to @the--blackdahlia for the wonderful aesthetic!

The first time you met Sam Winchester, you were ten years old. Of course, you didn’t know his last name, you rarely knew any of your friend’s last names. He was just Sam.

It was summertime and you and a couple of friends were hanging outside a gas station a couple of blocks from your house. An older kid had showed a few other kids how to steal quarters out of a soda machine that was outside the gas station. It seemed simple, so you were giving it a shot. After you and two friends each chewed a piece of bubble gum, you all placed your chewed pieces on the end of a stick and stuck the stick in the open slot of the machine. You could visibly see quarters down there and sure enough when you pulled the stick back out, there were 4 quarters stuck to it. Quickly pulling the quarters off and sticking them in your pocket, you handed the stick to your friend Randy and took your turn as lookout.

“What are you guys doing?” A boy about your age asked, scaring the crap out of you in the process.

Throwing your hand over your heart, you took a deep breath calming yourself down. “You scared me, sneak up on people much?”

“Sorry.” He looked down and started to walk away.

“Wait!” He paused and turned back to you. “What’s your name?”

“Sam. What’s yours?”

You smiled and stuck out your hand. That was just the kind of kid you were, grown up before you were actual grown. “Y/N. If you keep quiet, I’ll tell you what we are doing.”

Still keeping an eye on the gas station door as your other friend Beth had her turn, you quietly explained to Sam what you and your friends were up to. Sam was not impressed and a small part of you was heartbroken over his disapproval.

“Listen, you don’t have to do this, but please don’t tell on me.”

Sam thought it over and said he wouldn’t. “I’m just going to go find my brother and go back to our motel.” He started to walk away again, but you grabbed his arm pulling him to you.

“We’re going to go play video games at the pizzeria down the road, do you want to do that?” You asked, voice hesitant. “I’m going to go home and have lunch with my mom, but I’ll probably go over there in an hour.”

Sam smiled. “O-oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.”

“Great! See you later Sam.” He waved and walked away.

As planned, Sam was waiting outside the pizzeria when you and your friends got there. You all shuffled inside and spread out amongst the arcade machines in the back of the restaurant. Your go to was Super Mario Bros. It was a two-player game so you threw in quarters for both you and Sam. You both played and talked for hours. Sam explained he wasn’t from here and that his dad traveled for work. He didn’t know how long him and his older brother Dean would be in town, but he thought for at least a week. 

When you were all out of quarters, Sam walked you home. “Wanna hangout tomorrow?” You asked.

“Yeah. I’ll have to ask my brother, but I’m sure I can.”

“Just come over when you’re done with breakfast and we’ll find something to do.”

“Okay. Bye Y/N.”

“Bye Sam.”

You never did see Sam the next day or the day after that. He ended up just being one of those kids you thought about every once in awhile as you grew up.  

The second time you met Sam Winchester you were 20 years old. 

During your sophomore year of high school, a friend of yours had told you her plan to travel through Europe for six months. You desperately wanted to join her, so you got a job and worked nights and weekends, saving every penny you could. By the time you graduated, you had enough to travel for a year, so you took a year off. To say your mom was upset was an understatement. You promised her you would go to school when you had the traveling out of your system and you did. Unfortunately, the school you chose was far away from home. You enrolled in classes at Mission College in California to get away from the kids you grew up with and to get away from the cold winters of Missouri. You decided on a two-year college to get the generals out of the way and for you to decide what you wanted to be “when you grew up.”

It was the start of your second year at Mission, not being old enough to drink in bars, house parties were pretty much your entertainment on weekends. It was Friday night and your roommate Hannah was dragging you to a party near Stanford. There were parties near your school, but the parties thrown around the Stanford campus were a bit bigger and a bit crazier. Hannah was feeling crazy.

Dressing in jeans and a purple V-neck t-shirt, you slipped on a pair of flats, grabbed your keys and cellphone and waited for your taxi cab with Hannah.It was only after 9 by the time you reached the party but it was in full swing. Several people were on the front lawn, plastic cups and beer bottles in hand. You and Hannah squeezed yourselves through the front entrance of the house. The music was loud and you were struggling to hear your roommate. You were pretty sure she said she was going to find the bathroom. Already. Really Hannah? 

You walked to the kitchen, barley managing to avoid bumping into anyone. A keg was in the middle of the room with a couple of guys standing around it filling cups as people approached.

“Hey.” Offering your best flirty smile. “Could I get one of those?” You said point to the cup in his hand.

“Of course.” He got to work filling a cup and then passing it to you. It was mostly foam, but hey, he tried. “What’s your name? I don’t think I’ve seen you around.”

“Y/N. I go to Mission.” You smiled taking a sip from the cup.

“You should come by more often. We usually have a party here most weekends. I’m Ryan by the way.”

“Maybe I will. I’m going to look for my roommate, but I’ll be back over.” He gave you a smile and you returned it. He was a good looking guy, but you just weren’t looking to hook up tonight.

Walking back into the living room you tried looking for Hannah, but frankly there were too many people. If she was standing right in front of you, you probably still wouldn’t spot her.

Finishing your beer, you left the empty cup on the first clear counter you found and headed out the back door grabbing a bottle of beer from a large tub filled with ice on the deck. There were several wooden benches on the deck and a few chairs. You took a seat on one of the empty benches and enjoyed the still warm fall air. There were several groups of people on the deck, all in their own little world. There was a group of three guys closest to you that you couldn’t help ease dropping on. They were talking about classes, but it wasn’t the conversation that caught you, it was the gorgeous, tall brunette with shaggy hair. He looked slightly familiar, but you didn’t know him. You went to a bunch of parties last year, so you were most likely remembering him. It wasn’t until another guy walked up to their group and called Mr. good looking Sam, that your interest was completely piqued. This can’t be the Sam I’ve thought about since I was a kid. You didn’t even know where that Sam was from, only that his family traveled a lot. You could really use Hannah right now. She was definitely not shy and would be more than happy to approach the group of guys with you.

You hung back and tried not to stare. You really hoped he wouldn’t leave before you decided what to do. Finishing your beer, you got up and grabbed another one from the tub. After a few minutes, two of the guys in his group left, leaving him and another guy. They both ended up walking to the far side of the deck taking a seat on a couple of chairs. You took a couple more pulls from your beer and decided to throw caution to the wind and say hello. Even if it wasn’t The Sam, saying someone looked familiar wasn’t a crazy conversation starter.

You stood up and walked quickly to where he was sitting. He’s looking at his friend and doesn’t see you. You touch his arm. “Hey.”

They both look to you and Sam smiles. “Hi.” Eyebrows raised.

“This is going to sound weird, and I swear it’s not a pick up line.” You laugh mostly because you’re embarrassed and maybe a little tipsy. Have you ever been to Richmond Heights Missouri?” He tilts his head to the side, still smiling, but he doesn’t speak right away. “You know what? Never mind. I’m, I’m just going to go back over there.” Your pointing with your beer bottle back to your now abandoned bench. Man, you miss that bench already.

“No, wait!” You stop in your tracks and turn around. “When I was kid. I’m pretty sure I did with my family.”

Your face splits into a huge smile. “When you were like 10?”

He looks at you suspiciously. “Y-yeah.” He says, very drawn out.

“You don’t by chance remember playing Super Mario Bros. in a pizzeria?’

He laughs, deep and long. “What?!” He’s laughing again. “Y/N?”

You start nodding your head fast and furious. Holy shit it’s him!

He stands up and boy is he tall. He pulls you into a hug and you hug him back. His friend gets up from his chair and motions for you to take it. His friend, whose name you can’t seem to remember even though Sam just said it, excuses himself to let you two talk.

You both catch up on why you’re going to school in California. He’s here because he got a full ride and you’re here because after traveling you didn’t want to go back to Missouri. He’s prelaw and you tell him you aren’t sure yet. He’s so good looking it’s becoming hard for you not to get lost in his eyes and zone out on what he’s saying.

“I didn’t think I’d get to see you again. You know, you never came to my house the next day.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. When I got back to the motel my dad was already there and said we were hitting the road. I didn’t have time to come tell you.”

“It’s honestly OK, Sam. We only knew each other that one day. I’m surprised you even remember me!”

“How can I forget the girl who was stealing quarters.”

You laugh. “I was such a rebel back then. I’ll have you know I never stole again. I think your disapproval shamed me.”

“I’m glad I could be such an influence on your life.” Smiling so bright you can’t help but smile back.

You and Sam talked for a couple of hours. He got up at one point and grabbed a few beers. Hannah had found you eventually and gave you a thumbs up when she saw that you were with Sam.

When the party started to die out, you called for another taxi and went searching for Hannah with Sam in tow. When you tracked her down, she said she wouldn’t be coming home tonight and wiggled her eyebrows at you.

Sam walked you to the end of the driveway to wait with you for your ride. Feeling slightly brave, you leaned forwarded and captured Sam’s lips in a kiss. It took him a couple of seconds before he returned it. He pulled you against him and you threw your arms around his neck. Your hands running through his gorgeous head of hair as he kissed you feverously. One hand on your head holding you in place while his other traveled down your back settling on your butt. You let out a small moan and he stopped. He dropped his hands and took a step back.

You opened your eyes searching his to see what was wrong. “Sam?”

“I-I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” He said. His eyes were cast downwards. Was that regret?

“Well, why not?” You were nervous now. Playing with your fingers. “Am I that bad of a kisser?” You hoped joking would ease the tension that you were currently feeling.

“No, Y/N, of course not. It’s just that,” he paused to lick his lips. “I have a girlfriend.” There it was. It’s always too good to be true. Your stomach dropped. Of course, he did.

“Oh. Huh. I understand. I’m sorry I kissed you.” It was your turn to drop your head down.

“No, Y/N, don’t do that. I kissed you back. I wanted to kiss you. We just can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Sam. Why don’t you go back to the party? I’ll be OK.”

“Don’t say that. I want to stay. I want to make sure you get home OK.”

“I’m a big girl. It’s fine. I, I actually would like to be alone. It was great seeing you Sam. Good luck with school. I’m sure you’ll do great things.” You tried to smile, but it was a weak attempt.

“Thanks, Y/N. I’m sure you’ll do great things. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, maybe. Bye Sam.”

He waved and slowly headed up the driveway. Turning around a few times to look at you, but you pretended not to notice.

The third time you met Sam Winchester you were 33 years old.

After you finished your two years at Mission you moved down to San Diego and got a degree in computer science. You were hired by a startup tech company right after graduation. Luckily for you, that company flourished and you did well for yourself. When you were 29, your mom got very sick. Throughout the years you visited home and sometimes your mom would come out to stay with you. But she needed you, so you packed all you could, shipped everything home and  sold all your furniture. Your boss and your boss’ boss loved you since you had been loyal to them since the start. They were allowing you to work from home which was amazing. It gave you the time to care and spend time with your mom and not be out of a job. 

Two years later, your mom passed away. The house was left to you, but you didn’t want to be there. There were too many memories. You didn’t want to go back to San Diego though either. Moving across country was a pain in the ass. The next two years you fixed up the house and tried and failed to make it your own. You figured you’d eventually sell it, so you might as well make it as nice as it could be.

You continued to work from home which was kind of lonely if you were being honest. So, you did what every other 30 something year old in your town did, you hit the bars at night and hung around friends from high school. It was something and it was nice to bound with a few of your classmates again. Most were married with families, but there were a few of you that were single. On weekends you’d put a little extra care into your appearance and head to one of the few bars in town. Tonight, was no different.

Natalie was on the other side of the bar and you had the perfect view. She was dancing with herself, but not on a dance floor. No, Natalie was a wild one and bit of a drunk. She was dancing between tables and up against the bar bumping patrons as she went, long brown curls bouncing as she went.

“Are you going to control her?” Steve, one of the bartenders you had come to know asked.

“I will, I will. At least let me finish my beer, Steve.” You teased and he gave you an unamused smile back. “You love us.”

“You do keep me in business.”

“Funny.” You tipped your beer to him signaling another. Just as you were about to stand up, you saw Natalie sit at a table with a few guys. You hadn’t seen them before, but it wasn’t a small town. You decided to stay put for now, besides, there was a very good looking guy directly across from you. Even from across the bar you could tell that he was gorgeous. Great body, sandy blonde hair, beautiful green eyes. You really hoped he lived in town. You had made eye contact with him a few times. You were playing the long game, hoping small smiles and eye contact would eventually make him come over. Unfortunately for you, every other woman in this bar was doing the same thing. Some were bolder, buying him drinks and sitting next to him. He’d flirt with them but then they’d eventually leave his side.

Movement from Natalie drew your attention away from Mr. green eyes. She was leaving the booth with the three of guys she was sitting with. You jumped from your stool and told Steve you’d be back.

“Hey, Nat! Where are you going?” Catching up to her just outside the door of the bar, she turned around bright small on her face. 

“Y/N!” She hugged you while the three guys checked you out. “These are my new friends. They are having a party and I going to go. Do you want to go?”

“No, Natalie. I think we need to stay here.” You grabbed her hand and started to walk to the door to go back inside.

“Hey, hey. Wait a minute. No need to run off. We’re nice guys.” Douche number one said. You decided to call them Douche one, two and three.

“I don’t know about that, but her and I are staying.”

Douche number two grabbed Natalie’s arm and pulled hard knocking her on her ass. He picked her up and threw her over his shoulder.

“Let her go! Someone help!” You yelled as you ran after Douche number two who was hightailing it to the far end of the parking lot. Douche number three grabbed both your arms pulling them harshly behind your back. He dragged you around the corner of the bar and slammed you against the brick wall. You weren’t in the best shape of your life but you felt so weak compared to this guy. He held both of your hands over your head against the wall. His other hand was running down your face. He had his legs pushed against your own so your attempts to knee and kick him failed.

“Such a pretty girl. You should play nice and stop being such a bitch.”

You did the only thing you could think to do; you spit in his face. He removed his hand from your face and wiped his own.

“You bitch!” He yelled. When he removed his hand from his face, you saw nothing but sharp pointy teeth. What the fuck!?

You screamed and wiggled and moved as best you could. He struck you with the back of his hand and you whimpered in pain. He started to lean toward you with that awful mouth. You were crying now, tears streaming down your face. You’ve never felt so helpless.

You heard shuffling but couldn’t see anything other than a pair of boots that stopped directly behind Douche number three. Your captor turned his head and was promptly punched in the face by Mr. green eyes. He temporarily lost his hold on you, so you moved a little to give yourself space. You then kicked him square in the stomach, sending him to the ground. Green eyes looked up at you and blinked twice. A second later, Douche number three’s head was chopped off from his body, laying on the ground with his eyes open. It was so quick; you didn’t have time to scream. Looking at Mr. green eyes, you see that he’s holding a sword. Wait, not a sword. Is that a fucking machete? Then you were screaming.

He covered your mouth with his hand. “Hey, hey sweetheart. You need to calm down. You’re safe. Bad guy is dead, he’s not going to hurt you.”

You nodded your head but the tears kept on rolling down your face. You suddenly remembered Natalie and you started freaking out all over again. “Natalie! Natalie!” You screamed as you started to run to the far end of the parking lot.

“Wait! She’s fine. She’s fine.” Mr. green eyes yelled. You started to slow down but still headed in the direction you last saw her being taken to. “Sammy’s got her. She’s fine.”

“Who the fuck is Sammy?”

“My brother. Now will you calm down? We’re the good guys here. I’ll take you to her.”

You nodded and followed him. You were shaking, but something told you to trust him. What other option did you really have at this point? There was a headless man in the parking lot. You weren’t sure how you would explain this to the cops.

Mr. green eyes lead you to an old black classic Chevy. A guy was leaning against the passenger door as you approached. It was too dark to get a good look at his face, but you hoped it wasn’t one of the other Douches. “Your friend is passed out in the back seat. It’s probably a good thing. Hopefully she won’t remember tonight.”

You let out a long breath you didn’t even know you were holding. You took a look through the back window and sure enough, she was out. You walked back to the front of the car where Mr. green eyes was standing. His brother pushed off the door and started to walk to join you. “Listen, I’m sorry for all the screaming back there. I don’t know how to thank you enough. But what the hell was that thing?”

“I think we need to get this mess cleaned up first, and then talk later. I’m Dean, this is my brother Sam.” He pointed to the guy standing behind you. You turned your head to say hello and your stomach dropped.

“Sam? Sam Winchester?”

Sam’s face was one of shock, mouth open, wide eyes. “Y/N?”

You nodded yes and dove in for a hug. You were far too emotional that you didn’t know what else to do with yourself. A hug seemed like a good start. He hugged you back, but you pulled away after only a couple of seconds.

“Wait, you guys know each other?”

You both nodded yes. “Yeah, but it’s a long story.”

“Well, why don’t you let Sammy help you get your friend home and I will take care of this mess?”

“Okay. Yeah, we can do that.” 

Sam carried Natalie from their car to your car. You drove while Sam sat in the passenger seat to Natalie’s place. Neither of you spoke. When you reached her house, you explained to her roommate that she drank too much and passed out. After making sure she was safe in her bed, you and Sam left. He called Dean to let him know the two of you were getting coffee and he would meet up with him later. The only place open was a 24-hour Denny’s so you settled on going there. 

“So, what were those things Sam?”

Sam took a breath. “Those were vampires.”

“Vampires.” You repeated and nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay? Just like that?”

“Well, I saw that thing’s teeth. It checks out.”

“Listen, Y/N. A lot of things from scary movies are real, vampires are just the tip of the iceberg.”

“I’ve got time. Why don’t you tell me about them?”

He nodded and began to run down the list of what else was out there. You ended up talking for hours. You talked about where you finished school, what you were doing now. You told him about your mom. He told you about his family and what they did. He told you about his girlfriend Jessica, and about leaving school. It was a lot to take in, but you felt that you had finally met the real Sam Winchester.

You exchanged telephone numbers and dropped him at the motel across town.

You started a texting relationship with him that morphed into phone calls once a week and then calls daily. You were smitten with him. After three months of texting, calling and flirting, he came to visit you. He ended up staying a week. He called it a vacation, you called it a long date. He stayed in your old room the first three nights. The fourth night he took you on a date. You went to dinner and then walked around downtown. He held your hand. When you arrived home, he kissed you good night in front of your bedroom door. It wasn’t like your first kiss together. It was soft and gentle. Barely there touches and smiles between kisses. You changed into your pajamas, crawled into bed only to crawl out of it. You walked across the hall and knocked on Sam’s door.

“Come in.”

You opened the door to see Sam lying on the bed, arms behind his head. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He sat up swinging his legs over the side. “Can’t sleep?”

You were shy all of a sudden, embarrassed even. “It’s not that. I was wondering if you wanted to come sleep in my room. With me.”

A small smile played on his lips. He nodded and stood up. He reached for your hand and you lead him to your room. You kissed and cuddled most of the night. It was nice and sweet.

The next night, you both were tangled between the sheets and each other. It was slow and gentle, and everything you had fantasized about since you started flirting over the phone.

When it came time for Sam to get home, you cried. You didn’t want him to leave. He held you for hours whispering promises and sweet words in your ear. You walked him to his car and said goodbye.

The next two months were hard. He and Dean were busy constantly saving the world. Sam still tried to call you as much as he could, but it mostly resolved into a text every few days and a call once a week.

You put the house up for sale. It was time. You decided a condo would be best, you weren’t much for gardening and shoveling wasn’t much fun either. However, you wanted to wait until the house was sold before you made an offer on a new place.

It was a random Thursday. You had finished work for the day and were outside cutting the grass. The realtor advised to keep it short, so every few days you were cutting it and praying for an offer. You heard the familiar sound of the Impala. You cut the engine of the mower and turned around to see Sam and Dean stopping in front of the house. Your grin filled your face and you started to walk to the curb. The both got out of the car, but Dean stayed put.

“Hi Y/N.”

“Hi Dean.” You called back.

Sam met you in the middle and pulled you into a bear hug. You pulled back and kissed him deeply. “What are you doing here?”

“We were coming out this way and I had to see you.”

You kissed him again. “I’m glad you did. How long are you here for?”

“Well, that depends on you.” You gave him a questioning look. “Since the day you told me you were selling the house, I couldn’t get this idea out of my head.”

You nodded. “Go on.”

“Instead of buying another place, why don’t you move in with me, well us. You work from home anyway, you can work from home there. Move in with me.”

“What? Are you serious?”

He kissed you again. “Yes, I’m serious. I don’t want to lose another 10 years. What do you say?”

“And Dean’s OK with this?”

He turned his head and looked to Dean who was back sitting in the car. “Hey Dean, it’s OK if Y/N moves in, right?” Dean threw out a thumbs up out the window and you laughed.

“OK then.”

“Yeah?” He asked.

“Yes, I’ll move in with you.” He picked you up and spun you around. He set you back on the ground and pulled you in for another kiss. You couldn’t wait to spend every night kissing him.

@the--blackdahlia @flamencodiva

[aion-rsa]

15 Strangest Legend of Zelda Unsolved Mysteries and Urban Legends

https://ift.tt/2NvINkP

The Legend of Zelda‘s 35th anniversary didn’t get much of a celebration (or even an acknowledgment) from Nintendo, but that hasn’t stopped fans from thinking back on the incredible history of one of gaming’s greatest franchises.

Take a long enough trip down memory lane, though, and you’ll find that the Zelda franchise is filled with uncharted detours into urban legends, conspiracy theories, and unsolved mysteries that prove even one of the most famous and discussed series in video game history can still leave us with unanswered questions and the sometimes even more bizarre answers to those formerly unanswered questions.

From dungeons with unfortunate designs to mysterious manors tucked away in snowy mountains, these are some of the great urban legends and mysteries in the history of The Legend of Zelda.

15. The Legend of Zelda’s “Swastika” Dungeon

The earliest controversy in The Legend of Zelda’s 35-year history occurred when some players claimed the game’s third dungeon was designed to resemble a swastika. Years later, more detailed renders of the dungeon’s map inspired a new generation of fans to ask questions about Nintendo’s design decisions. Some even suggested that the design was intentionally implemented for nefarious purposes.

There’s actually a reasonable explanation for this one, though. It turns out the map is actually designed to resemble a Manji: a Buddhist symbol that represents good fortune. If I had to speculate, I’d guess that because the two symbols are actually fairly distinct (they even face different ways) Nintendo probably didn’t feel the need to change the dungeon’s design for the game’s Western ports.

Interestingly, though, Nintendo did make some changes to the original Legend of Zelda for the purposes of localization. Most notably, the Book of Magic was originally referred to as the Bible in the Famicom version of the game.

14. How Breath of the Wild Fits Into the Zelda Timeline

For as infamously confusing as The Legend of Zelda timeline is, Nintendo has actually published an official chart that (somewhat) helps explain how every major game relates to each other. However, you will notice that Breath of the Wild is conspicuously absent from that chronological chart.

To be fair, Nintendo has addressed the game’s absence by stating that they didn’t want to limit people’s imaginations by assigning BOTW a clear place on the timeline. Furthermore, it’s generally accepted that the game takes place many years after any other Zelda title. That’s fine, but there are many clues in Breath of the Wild that seem to strongly suggest it does have a more definitive place in the Zelda timeline that Nintendo has just revealed quite yet.

What’s even more bizarre is that there are pieces of evidence in BOTW that support the possibility that the game could conceivably take place in one of the series’ multiple timelines or even all of them. Did Nintendo just throw up their hands and decide to ignore the timelines altogether, or is there an explanation that helps all of this make a little more sense?

13. Beating the Running Man in Ocarina of Time

The surest way to convince gamers they can do something is to tell them that they can’t. There are few better examples of this phenomenon than the lingering idea that you can beat the Running Man during Ocarina of Time’s race sequence.

To be fair, the fact that Ocarina of Time players consistently got this close to beating Running Man made it easy to buy into years worth of fan theories, photos, and even videos that claimed it was indeed possible to win that race. However, the vast majority of those methods turned out to be doctored or, at the very least, heavily exaggerated.

Technically, it is possible to “beat” Running Man using emulators and ROM hacks, but if you’re wondering if there’s some hidden way to do it on the original N64 cartridge hidden somewhere in the game’s code, the answer is “no.”

12. The Mystery of Twilight Princess’ Snowpeak Ruins

Along with being one of Twilight Princess’ best dungeons, Snowpeak Ruins has to be considered one of the most mysterious major locations in any Zelda game.

While Snowpeak Ruins is presented to the player as the home of a Yeti couple, it’s pretty clear they are not the mansion’s original owners. However, it’s never explicitly stated what the house’s origins are. The same could be said of a number of Zelda locales, but Snowpeak’s large suits of armor, blend of military and residential concepts, hostile location, strange paintings, and defensive structures feel so out of place in the Zelda universe that you’d almost suspect that it was somehow transported here from another world.

That doesn’t actually seem to be the case, but the fact that the game features subtle hints at the mansion’s origins without actually expanding on them has left fans wondering whether there is an official explanation for the Ruins’ lore and what it could be.

11. The Rumor that Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link Didn’t Start as a Zelda Game

Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link has long been considered one of the oddest entries into the Zelda franchise, but one urban legend suggests that the game wasn’t originally intended to be a Zelda title at all.

Basically, there are some fans who suspect that Zelda 2 is the Super Mario Bros. 2 of The Legend of Zelda franchise. In other words, they believe that the game was actually based on a completely different project that Nintendo simply converted into a Zelda game at some point in development. Given just how different the game is from what came before and after, it’s certainly easy enough to buy into the idea that the project didn’t start off as a Zelda title.

However, Shigeru Miyamoto himself shot down that theory in a 2003 interview in which he stated that the sequel’s differences were “his idea” and that the project was simply developed by “another team and different people to those that made the first game.” That said, it’s worth noting that he referred to the idea as “sort of a failure” and that he sees “A link to the Past as the real sequel to Legend of Zelda.”

10. Ganondorf’s Mysterious Armor in Twilight Princess HD

While the HD version of Twilight Princess is fairly faithful to the original, it does feature a few subtle design differences that have long confused fans. The mysteriously altered symbols in Snowpeak Ruins and some murals found near the end of the game are certainly worthy of further discussion, but no design difference has provoked more debate than Ganondorf’s new armor.

If you take a close look at Ganondorf’s armor in Twilight Princess HD, you’ll find that it features a few “mural-like” images emblazoned in gold. One of those images seems to showcase a hero that resembles Link facing off against a giant bird. It actually closely resembles a scene from The Wind Waker, but that wouldn’t necessarily make sense considering the respective timelines of those two titles.

In lieu of an official explanation, the most likely answer here is that someone at Nintendo imported some leftover assets from a time when Twilight Princess was reportedly intended to be a direct Wind Waker sequel. That or someone at Nintendo thought it looked cool and didn’t let the “lore” stop them from putting it in the game.

9. Nintendo’s “Abandoned” Wind Waker Remake

In 2005, Electronic Gaming Monthly shocked the world by revealing that Nintendo was designing a remake of The Wind Waker in the visual style of The Twilight Princess. This reveal was a dream come true for fans who desperately wanted Wind Waker to feature the more “realistic” visuals Nintendo had previously teased.

It turns out the screenshot was just one of EGM’s famous April Fools’ pranks. However, it caught so many people by surprise that EGM ended up running a series of letters from angry, confused, and hopeful fans who were more than ready to believe that the remake was real.

Even after EGM confirmed the whole thing was a joke, some fans continued to speculate that Nintendo was working to “fix” Wind Waker. The rumors only really started to die down when more people gradually got over Wind Waker‘s visuals and came to recognize it as one of the best Zelda games ever.

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9. The Recurring Hand in the Toilet

Drop by Majora’s Mask Stock Pot Inn after midnight, and you’ll find a hand sticking out of a toilet that asks you for a piece of paper. Give it one of a few available paper items, and the hand will reward you with a piece of heart.

It’s a bizarre moment made that much stranger by the fact that the hand appears again in Oracle of Ages and Skyward Sword. While the owner of the hand is named in Skyward Sword (Phoeni), the hand is only referred to as “???” in the other games.

While Shigeru Miyamoto has stated that the hand was inspired by old ghost stories involving a hand coming out of the toilet to grab the occupant (it’s your classic Ghoulies scenario), it’s still not entirely clear whether these are three different hands or if they share some kind of strange lore connection.

7. The Fate of Navi and The Missing Link

At the end of Ocarina of Time, we watch Navi fly through a window in the Temple of Time. Considering how despised the character generally was, few questioned the moment and were honestly just happy to see her go.

However, it’s never been entirely clear why Navi left at that moment, where she went, and what ultimately happened to her. Navi is referenced at the beginning of Majora’s Mask, but that game doesn’t shed any light on what happened to her or where she went. Navi does appear in the North American version of Hyrule Warriors, but considering that her name was removed in other versions of the game, it’s been suggested that her inclusion was a mistake or something that Nintendo eventually decided to change/ignore.

Interestingly, there’s a popular Zelda fan game called The Missing Link which tells the story of what happened to Navi between Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask. Obviously, though, that’s about as unofficial as Zelda lore gets.

6. Zelda and Link Are Somehow Related

At the beginning of A Link to the Past, we watch as Link’s uncle says “Zelda is your…” shortly before dying. In the Japanese version of the game, Link’s uncle says “Y-you are the princess’…” before passing away. Both of those lines have led fans to believe that Link’s uncle was about to tell him that Zelda is either Link’s sister or mom.

While the GBA version of the game clarifies the matter by having Link’s uncle say “You must rescue Princess Zelda. Our people are fated to,” some still insist that the two are somehow related across at least some of the series’ timelines. There have even been a couple of references to Zelda’s brother over the years (though we never get to see him in any of the games).

Funny enough, there have been manga adaptations of The Legend of Zelda which actually “revealed” that Zelda is Link’s mom. However, those adaptations have been officially dismissed as non-canonical and unofficially dismissed as incredibly weird.

5. The Mystery of Link’s Parents

Before we get off the subject of Link’s family, we’ve got to take a moment to talk about the enduring mystery of Link’s parents.

It’s easy enough to ignore the manga idea that Zelda is Link’s mom (in any timeline), but unless you just accept that Link is almost always an orphan (thus fulfilling one of the great RPG character obligations) you’ve probably wondered who Link’s parents are. Well, Link’s father is referenced in Breath of the Wild and in some supplementary material, but the only game that refers to Link’s mom is Ocarina of Time. Again, she appears in the manga adaptations a few times across the various timelines, but Nintendo almost never directly talks about her.

While it’s likely this is just one of those things that Nintendo doesn’t have an answer to, the fact that Link’s parents are referred to at all in the games has only opened the doors for speculation regarding who they are in the timelines and the potential significance of their nearly constant absence.

4. Thawing Zora’s Domain in Ocarina of Time

As “Adult Link” in Ocarina of Time, you’re expected to set some things right that have gone wrong over the years. For instance, beating Forest Temple drives away enemies from Kokiri Forest. When you beat Fire Temple, Gorons return to their city. Given all of that, you would suspect that beating Water Temple will eventually unfreeze Zora’s Domain.

However, that’s not what happens. In fact, nothing you do seems to allow you to remove the ice in this area as Adult Link. That idea has given rise to a number of fan theories and straight-up lies regarding how to begin the thawing process, but to this day, nobody has found a way to do it without hacking the game.

Many have said that you’re just supposed to “assume” everything eventually works out, but it’s certainly bizarre that the area isn’t affected by your actions in the same way other key environments clearly are.

3. The Time Paradox of The Song of Storms

There’s a great scene in Ocarina of Time when Adult Link learns the Song of Storms from a man who can’t get it out of his head after he learned it from a child. To make a long story short, we eventually learn that child was Link who played the song in the past after learning it as an adult.

It’s a fun idea that doesn’t make a lot of sense. While Majora’s Mask eventually sees Link speak with the song’s composer, that plot point still doesn’t entirely explain what happens in Ocarina of Time and what Nintendo’s proposed explanation for this apparent paradox is.

The two most popular theories for this mystery involve a Primer-like explanation involving paradoxes and alternate timelines or the far more likely explanation that the logic of this moment was simply overlooked or disregarded when Ocarina’s story was written.

2. The Royal Origins of Tetra’s Pirates

It’s hardly a spoiler that Wind Waker’s Tetra is actually Princess Zelda, but that revelation opened some potential plot holes that fans have been trying to close for years. None of those plot holes are bigger or more fascinating than the origin of Tetra’s band of pirates.

We’re initially told that the pirates used to serve Tetra’s mother and later followed Tetra. It’s a simple enough explanation that becomes much more complicated when Link finds a photo in the sunken Hyrule Castle that shows an older Princess Zelda with a group of nobles that bear a striking resemblance to Tetra’s pirates.

Again, the simplest explanation at this point seems to be that the pirates are also descended from royalty, but the game never really makes that clear. Furthermore, the pirates eventually mock Tetra for actually being a princess, which either means they never found out they’re also descended from nobles, didn’t care about their heritage, or perhaps are just the descendants of pirates who have always aided the Zelda family.

1. Finding the Triforce in Ocarina of Time

No Zelda urban legend is more famous or more fascinating than the long-running belief that it’s possible to find and acquire the Triforce in Ocarina of Time.

In 1999, a user on the old Hyrule: The Legend of Zelda forums named Almandoz claimed they had found a way to acquire the Triforce in Ocarina of Time. After sharing some images and walkthroughs that they said verified their findings, the user later admitted that they made the whole thing up as part of an elaborate attempt to show how easy it was to exploit fan bases with these kinds of claims.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

The actual motivations and identity of the poster remain a mystery to this day. What’s interesting, though, is that the legend of the Triforce never really died even after the whole thing was confirmed to be faked. Many elements of the original story remain entrenched in Zelda urban legend culture, and the idea that you can somehow acquire the Triforce in Ocarina of Time remains surprisingly strong to this day.

The post 15 Strangest Legend of Zelda Unsolved Mysteries and Urban Legends appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2NlH7dL

[bubble-tea-bunny]

1-up girl

[peter parker x reader]

author’s note: hit a wall with writing again idk why. considered this a bit of a warm-up fic tbh but hopefully it’s cute??

word count: 2,479

The day Peter finds a fully-functional Nintendo Entertainment System in a dumpster three blocks away from his apartment building, he’s confident he’ll never score anything bigger than this.

When he’s carrying it home under his arm, careful not to tangle the wires, a couple of things cross his mind. The first is: who would throw something like this away? This is a thought he doesn’t linger on for very long. It hardly matters, not when Peter’s ended up with the console completely for free. The second is: he anticipates draining a lot of time playing games on this, if he can get it working.

And it does work, perfectly fine, no reparations needed. At seeing the start-up screen and hearing its iconic chime, Peter’s eyes light up and he laughs to himself a little in disbelief because surely this was too good to be true? The words “please set disk card” blink in silence and he decides that he’ll need to figure out what his first game should be and buy it as soon as he does. If he’s lucky, it’d be here in time for the weekend.

———

There’s a retro game shop on the other side of Queens that he only discovers because he’d been swinging past that area one day. It’s practically hidden, and when he spots it, he lands on the sidewalk in front of it so he can peer into the window. There are some consoles and games set up in the display, and when he looks past his reflection in the glass, of his red and blue suit, he sees you at the counter, sorting through cartridges. As if feeling him staring, you glance up and smile widely at seeing the neighborhood superhero. You hold up a hand to give a wave. Peter smiles because yours is contagious but then he remembers you can’t see it. So he waves back, and then he’s off again, slinging his way between buildings, while he thinks to himself that you’re probably the prettiest girl he’s ever seen.

He goes back again on a different day, but as Peter. The bell atop the door jingles quietly and he doesn’t see anyone behind the counter. His heart sinks slightly as he considers that you might not be working today. He tries to forget about it as he occupies himself with looking at games in the NES section, and he hears footsteps as someone emerges from the backroom.

“If you need any help, just let me know.”

He looks up, eyes wide, to find you behind the counter, hands out to the side and resting against the edge of the glass case. Your smile is friendly and your eyes are soft and he can only nod and mutter what he thinks is a thank you but he’s honestly not too sure because he does have a tendency to trip over his words when he’s nervous and, well, when you’re looking at him like that it’s sort of hard not to be nervous. When he continues perusing the shelves, he feels a million more times self conscious, and he periodically glances up at you, where you’re on the opposite side alphabetizing the SNES cartridges.

“U-Um…” he begins uneasily, and you turn to him because you’re the only other one here so you’re the only one he could be addressing, “do you have any suggestions? For games?” He scratches the back of his head and smiles but he’s sure it probably looks more like a pained cringe. Nice one.

Your smile widens and you nod as you cover the short distance across the store. You come to a  stop next to him, your eyes roving over all the games before the two of you, and Peter can practically see the cogs spinning in your head as you go through the whole selection, trying to decide what the best choice would be. You hum as you think, and finally you bend slightly at the knees so you can pick up a cartridge lower on the shelf. It’s a copy of Super Mario Bros.

“How about this? I mean, if you don’t already have it. It’s a classic, and really addicting.”

Peter smiles, more relaxed now, as he spots the wonder in your eyes. “I’ll take it.”

As you ring him up, he asks you if it’s your favorite game. You enthusiastically tell him yes with a toothy grin and it makes him chuckle. You explain that it’s probably the most replayed game in your collection, and sometimes you dream about it. He tells you he’s excited to play it as soon as he gets home. You tell him you’re excited for him.

———

“You seem happy,” Aunt May comments offhandedly one morning as she sits across from Peter at the dining table.

Peter looks up from his plate of pancakes and swallows before he speaks. “Well, it is Friday.”

“I have a feeling it’s not that that has you positively glowing.”

“May,” Peter groans, and she laughs.

“Well, c’mon, tell me: who is she?”

Peter sighs and briefly thinks that the whole I’m Spiderman talk might—might—be easier than talking about you. He humors his aunt, telling her about the girl he met at a game shop on the other side of the borough. There’s a smile on her face the whole time she listens, and when he’s finally done, in the silence that follows for a few moments, both of them understand just how taken he is with you. Peter’s cheeks feel warmer than the pancakes he’s having for breakfast. Now that it’s finally out in the open, he seriously doubts that the smile on May’s face will ever leave.

———

He stops ordering games online. They’re traded for visits to the shop you work at, and whenever he walks in, his heart feels warm at seeing the way your eyes light up. He doesn’t always end up leaving with a game, not if his budget doesn’t allow a new one that week. So he just stops by to chat with you, and you’re more than happy to talk to him. He’s usually there on weekdays so the store is quiet, and he has you all to himself. You go to a different school, so this is the only place he really sees you.

One day he’s helping you go through the cartridges that recently got traded in and you jokingly tell him he should apply. He’d genuinely like to, but he’s already stretched thin with school and being Spiderman.  

“You should come over one of these days.” The statement is out of his mouth before he realizes it.

You look up at Peter, and your lack of immediate response prompts him to panic as he rushes to elaborate.

“I-I mean… if you want to. We can play Super Mario Bros. With how much you play, I bet you’re really good.”

You smile lopsidedly then and gosh, it looks so cute on you. “I’d like that.”

He doesn’t think he heard you correctly the first time, but the following Friday the two of you are at his apartment, NES switched on and Super Mario Bros on the television screen, the iconic Italian plumber making his way through various stages in the Mushroom Kingdom. You’re the one with the controller, and when you mis-jump and a goomba runs into you when you land, killing your already shrunken Mario, you hand off the controller to Peter so he can play the next life.

He’s not playing for long before he dies in basically the same spot you did, and the controller is back in your hands. He mentions that he’s much better than this, he promises, it’s just, he supposes his nerves are getting the best of him. You laugh and ask why he’s nervous, it’s not like this is any sort of competition, and he looks at you then, but you don’t notice, eyes focused on the screen. The smile fades as he really studies the details of your face—the curl of your lashes, the strands of hair which fall from your bun (you tie your hair up in a bun when you play games—a sign you’re ready to really concentrate)—because the answer, is, well, it’s you. It’s always been you.

His heart begins to race when he realizes he still hasn’t responded, and he wonders if you’d forget your query if he just doesn’t say anything. Before he can come up with any answer other than the truth, there’s a knock on his bedroom door, and then it’s being pushed open.

You hit pause as both of you turn to look at the newcomer now standing in the doorframe. Aunt May smiles widely and pushes her glasses up slightly. “You must be [Name]!”

You smile widely and clutch at the controller a little tighter as you shrug, suddenly shy. “Yes, that’s me.”

“Peter’s talked so much about you!”

Said boy’s eyes widen and he tries to be subtle about shaking his head to get her to stop, lest she embarrass him anymore. He’s too petrified to even try to laugh it off, and he can see in his peripherals as you glance at him, grin still on your face.

“Good things I hope.”  

“All good things.” May chuckles. “Will you be joining us for dinner?”

“If that’s okay.”

“Of course it is, dear. I’ll knock again when it’s ready.” She graces you both with another smile before she closes the door, which clicks back into place quietly.

Peter thought his heart was beating fast before, but now? Luckily you don’t say anything about May’s earlier comments, and he grows more relaxed as the two of you continue to play, getting all the way to the start of world three before dinner, which goes smoothly. May doesn’t embarrass him anymore thankfully, but that knowing smile of hers is ever-present the whole way through.

———

“I never forgot about that question, by the way.”

“What?”

“When I asked why you were nervous that one day, you didn’t give me an answer.”

Peter looks up at you, where you sit across the table which is covered in a vinyl red and white checkered cloth. You bring your slice of pizza up to your mouth to take a bite as you wait for him to say something, because you know he didn’t forget the question either.

He opens and closes his mouth a few times as he tries to figure out what to say, and you’d laugh if you weren’t currently chewing, so the best you can muster is an amused smile. His cheeks are reddening by the second. There’s not really a perfect way for him to answer. It’s straightforward. So he forces himself to say it because this time you’re not going to let it go. “I was nervous because… well, you make me nervous…” he trails off, eyes going down to his own pizza slice because he’s too embarrassed to look at you. He knew that one of these days he’d admit his feelings to you, but he certainly didn’t imagine it would happen like this, in a pizza parlor where you’ve basically put him on the spot.

“Why?” You tilt your head.

His eyes settle on an empty table on the other side of the establishment because he thinks that if he looks at you now, he won’t be able to get the words out of his mouth. “I… I really like you, [Name].” It almost doesn’t feel like he’s the one saying it, but then he finally dares to glance back at you, and you smile, and he notices it’s shyer.

It takes you a few seconds to reply, but when you do, when you tell him you like him too, he feels like he could fly to the moon right this instant if you’d asked him to.

———

Tonight the two of you are at your house, playing your copy of Super Mario Bros. You’re sitting on the floor next to each other, leaning back against your bed. Quiet dings emit from the television as you direct Mario farther along the stage, collecting coins and jumping on koopas. Peter sports a black eye which he brushes off as something he’d gotten in a fight at school—since you don’t go to Midtown, you can’t catch him in a lie.

Every time you glance at him, concern is etched on your face, and he feels bad about lying, he does, but he doesn’t want to say anything. And it’s not because he’s worried you’d leave him if you knew the truth. You’re not like that. He’s worried because of the risk it would put on you and he doesn’t want that for you. The less you know, the better. Tony doesn’t even know about you, and Peter’s sure that if he did, the first thing out of his mouth would be “Don’t tell her anything” to which Peter would reply “Yes, I know” and that would be the end of the conversation because they’re both superheroes and if there’s anything superheroes know, it’s that anyone close to them is a weakness, especially if those people know their identities.

He still can’t help but wonder if he’ll ever tell you his secret. Because whenever he kisses you and he looks into your hazy eyes and he runs his thumb along your bottom lip, he realizes he loves you. And maybe he’s too young to be saying that, but when he’s Spiderman and he’s putting his life on the line for people he’ll never meet and all that he’s thinking about is surviving this so he can get back to you, he’s sure the way he feels about you is more than just passing infatuation. And his heart tightens as he keeps down the things he can’t say.

But he tries to forget about all that for the rest of the evening. He focuses on the present—the game which is only getting more difficult; on the pizza which smells amazing and is quickly devoured; on the sound of your laughter when the two of you keep dying in the same spot despite the fact that when you both play alone, you can get through this stage just fine. He tells himself that this is all that matters right now.

———

Your smile lifts him above the clouds and he asks himself if you’re even real because for as lucky as he was when finding that NES in the dumpster, it could never compare to seeing you in the game shop he’d practically happened across by chance. You’ve since found a spot in a corner of his heart and settled down in it as though it were home, and he calls you his 1-up girl because if something goes wrong, he knows you’ll always be right there.

[spiderlingfromqueens]

Super Parker Bros: World 1

A/N: This is my first go at writing a fic after reading them for so long. At @blissfulparker ‘s encouragement, I finally moved it off of my “fic idea” google doc and onto the interwebs :D. I have been playing a bunch of super mario bros wii currently, and this is inspired by that. This is kind of set up as a slow-burn series right now, but we’ll see how it goes or if I decide to write more (I do have the whole thing outlined out). Also this is probably very poorly edited, so apologies in advance. It’ll be separated by the game’s worlds instead of chapters. Thanks for even looking in its direction :)

Summary: You and Peter Parker bond over playing Super Mario Bros.

🍄🍄🍄 🍄🍄🍄 🍄🍄🍄 🍄🍄🍄 🍄🍄🍄 🍄🍄🍄 🍄🍄🍄  

The rain poured down in sheets as you huddled with your classmates under the front entrance of Midtown High, waiting for it to slow down just a little so you could make the sprint to the subway station. It had already been nearly twenty minutes until school ended, and you were exhausted and ready for a post-school nap.

In fact, you were leaning against a wall and nearly dozing off when your chemistry lab partner, Peter Parker tapped on your shoulder from behind and startled you. “Uh.. hey y/n!” “Peter you scared me!” “I was wondering if you wanted to work on that lab report tonight since it is due in a couple days. Um, you could come over to my house if you want or I could come to yours, whatever works. I mean, if you want. If this rain will ever stop, that is.” Peter nervously chuckled.

You had lived in the same building as Peter for the past few years, since he recently moved in after the death of his Uncle. You took a mental check of who would be in your house- it was too early in the evening for your parents to be back from work, and your sister wouldn’t even notice your presence for a while, probably engrossed in a tv show or talking to friends. “Yeah Peter, you could come over to work on it now if you want.” You replied. “Ok sounds cool. It looks like the rain let up a little so maybe we should make a run for it now?”

Your heart rate picked up a little. Peter Parker was coming to your house. Sure, you had day-dreamed of the curly-haired brunette falling in love with you, and writing you poetry, or going stargazing with you, (professing his love during sunrise on a mountain, maybe?) but you’d always brushed it off as a harmless fleeting crush, like falling in love with a stranger on the subway. But again, you knew Peter, you’d gone to school with him for a long time, even if you never really had the chance to hang out. But why would he want to hang out with you? He was smart and pretty and you were just--

“Y/N!” Peter shouted, interrupting your brief nervous thoughts. “Let’s go! Run!”

You both broke into a sprint, aiming for the subway station one block away. Dramatically dodging umbrella-carrying pedestrians, bikes, and one particularly enthusiastic dog that you really wanted to stop and play with, you both chuckled as you finally made it to the safety of the station, slightly damp from the rain. You caught Peter’s eyes as you suddenly lost your train of thought- and finally turned around to see the subway train you needed careening off into the depths of the tunnel. “NO!” you exclaimed, exasperated. “Wait, was that the one we needed?” Seeing you nod sadly, Peter reassured you “There’ll be another soon, but at least we’re out of the rain.”

You nodded as you both sat down on a nearby bench, the proximity to Peter and the slight whiff of his cologne making your heart jump. You chided yourself,  there were no chances there for you, despite what your day-dreams always said.

Realizing you both had been sitting in silence for far too long, Peter broke the silence “Um, what do we still need to get done for the lab report?”

“I worked on the introduction a bit during lunch today, and I think we were pretty much done with the graphs and calculations and stuff in class, so all we need to get done today is the analysis and discussion.”

“And references. Don’t forget that Ms. M is a stickler for good citations.”

“Of course” you chuckled.

“What have you been doing for fun these days?” Peter asked to prevent another silence.

“Fun, what’s that?” You joked. “Between all of the calc tests and chem and physics labs I don’t even know what free time is anymore.”

“I feel that.”

“But I guess I did break out my old Super Mario Brothers game. I wanted to see if I could still beat it.”

“And did you?” Peter asked

“No!” You said, feigning frustration. “I’ve really lost my skills.” As Peter was about to reply, the train pulled up to the platform. “Oh come on Peter, let’s go!” You started to walk quickly to the train.

The train was packed to the brim with the first wave of rush hour travelers. You and Peter stood beside each other, sides pressed together, making your heart beat rapidly yet again.

“We should totally play Mario after we’re done with chem. I bet I can help you beat it.” Peter said confidently as his eyes caught your own. “If you want.” he quickly added nervously.

“Yeah sure. If we ever manage to get this lab done, though.”

The rest of the subway ride was filled with the conversations of strangers as you and Peter stood clutching the pole hoping not to fall into another person as the train navigated the tracks. You swore you caught Peter staring at you once or twice, but you tried your hardest to assure yourself that it was nothing. Don’t let your heart get ahead of your head.

The two of you walked up to your apartment, the rain outside having slowed to a gentle drizzle, and unlocked the front door.

You immediately headed for the kitchen where you pulled out a box of cookies, hoping they would help you feel less tired. You look questioningly at Peter, holding up the box to offer him some. Seeing him nod, you threw the box in his direction.

However, this seemed to take him by surprise- you noted his super fast reflexes as he grabbed the box just as it was about to hit the ground.

“Agh warn me next time!” Peter said sarcastically.

You both sat down at the kitchen table and began to get straight to work on chemistry. With both of you working on it together at the same time, it went much faster than you thought and in under an hour you had put the finishing touches on the lab report.

After closing your laptop, you turned to Peter and said “Super Mario time now, I guess?”, not wanting him to have to leave just yet.

Peter quickly stood up. “Yeah! I’m excited! I haven’t played this in a long time!”.

You both plopped down in front of the tv a little too close, arms brushing against each other as you started up the game. “I made a new save yesterday and I haven’t gotten that far into World 1.” You explained.

“Cool.” Peter responded. “It can be our save”.

Did he just say our? Did he just kinda make plans to play in the future? This is just like the beginning of one of those Netflix romances, maybe it’s finally happening. Your mind raced with excitement just as you found your character jumping into the trajectory of a Koopa.

“Nooo! You shouted.

Both you and Peter were so determined to finish the world that you played for hours, neglecting that dinner time had come and gone. Even with both your stomachs grumbling, you didn’t stop playing until Peter’s Aunt May nearly knocked down the door later that night demanding him to come eat and go to bed. “Oh but it’s lovely to see you Y/n!” she added on her way out. “I don’t nearly see you around the building enough anymore! You’re always so busy!”

“Bye Y/n! We’ll play more later!” Peter called from the hallway.

As May dragged Peter home, you quickly saved the game and turned off the television. In the darkness of the room, you sat thinking about what had just happened. You just spent hours with Peter Parker. You must be dreaming, he was just so sweet and funny. With crushes, you usually projected desirable attributes onto whoever it was, but Peter somehow defied expectation or dreams. Wait- no. Don’t call it a crush. Just a mild… uh… smush? As in not a full crush? Sure.

Regardless, you fell asleep that night with a head full of possibilities.

[super-mario-girl]

I Know Places, a Super Mario fanfic

Summary: When Bowser somehow manages to defeat the Mario Brothers, Peach is heartbroken. Rather than face an unhappy marriage with Bowser, she runs away from the Castle. Lost and alone, she receives help from an unlikely source.

Pairing: Peach X King Boo(yes, you read that correctly)

Warnings: Humanized AU, Crack Ship, Mentioned Character Death, Very Long One Shot

Peach ran as fast as she could. She couldn't take it anymore, she had enough.

It had happened just six months ago, the event that changed her life forever. She had seen the whole tragedy occur before her very eyes. She still couldn't believe that Bowser would ever defeat them. But he did, and they were gone.

She also remembered the night after it happened. She cried for hours until she ran out of tears. The Kingdom declared a day of mourning for their fallen heroes. The once cheerful princess was no longer the same.

Now that the Mario Brothers had perished, Bowser was easily able to take over the Mushroom Kingdom. Every day, for the past few months, Bowser would ask the princess to marry him. And every day, she gave him the same answer: no.

Peach didn't want to live like this. She didn't want anything to do with the person who killed the man she loved and her closest friend. So one day, she decided she was going to do it. She was going to escape. She brought a few things with her: some clothes, food, some money(but not too much), and water.

She had to save herself now. If she didn't, she would be forced to marry Bowser. And in Peach's mind, a life married to that awful man would be a fate worse than death. He was rude, uncouth, and didn't really care about how she felt.

The princess was already pretty far from the castle. She had been running for at least an hour, and now she found herself in some sort of forest, with a small lake and many trees. She wasn't stupid, she knew that sooner or later, Bowser would send his soldiers to go looking for her. But surely no one would find her here, in this forest.

"I can't run anymore..." she thought, panting from exhaustion. "I need to take a break..." she slowly walked towards the lake. Looking down, she saw her reflection. Her hair was a mess, her dress was ripped, and one of her gloves was gone, but her crown was still on her head. She took the crown and looked at it for a moment, then threw it in the lake. It landed with a splash and she watched it sink to the bottom, which was satisfying to watch.

She realized if she was to escape from Bowser, she needed to make sure he didn't find her. She didn't know how long, but for now, she had to pretend she wasn't a princess. Maybe if she found a town, she could try to blend in with the townsfolk. She wasn't sure how well that would work out, though. 

After a while, it began to get dark, and the former princess was beginning to get a bit cold. The night would be harsh, especially in this time of the year. Peach decided that her ideas had to wait, now her priority was to make sure she stayed warm.

She created a small, makeshift fire pit and surrounded it with small rocks to make sure the fire wouldn't spread. Then, she gathered a pile of sticks and placed it in the middle. Taking two sticks, she tried to ignite a fire but rubbing them together quickly. 

It was without success, as she could barely make more than a spark. After several minutes, she got frustrated and gave up. By then, she was starting to grow tired, and she was still freezing. The former princess started wondering if this was a bad idea after all. 

"I can't believe I did this. This was a stupid idea..." she thought to herself. "I should have just stayed." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "No. If I stayed, it would have felt like torture. I'd have to marry Bowser, it'd be unbearable." 

She felt tears going down her face. She thought about what could have been. She and Mario had been in love with each other for quite some time. He had been her knight in shining armor, or in this case, overalls and a cap. 

The worst thing was, is that Peach was planning on proposing to him. She was going to pop the question that fateful day when... the incident happened. It had been the absolute worst day of her life.

She knew that she would never see Mario again. She knew she would have to move on eventually. But it was so hard to do.

While she was crying, she felt a hand on her shoulder, which startled her. But when she looked up, no one was there. She got up and looked around. Strange, maybe her imagination was playing a trick on her. But then she felt someone tap her shoulder. She quickly turned around and-

"BOO!" someone shouted. Peach was so surprised by the sudden jumpscare that she fell back. She looked up and saw an unnaturally pale man floating above her. He wore a white outfit and a purple cape. His hair was white, he had purple eyes, and a crown on his head. He was laughing like crazy. "You should have seen your face! How priceless! It never ceases to amaze me how easily scared you mortals can be."

"That wasn't funny at all!" Peach yelled. She knew who this was. Mario and Luigi told her about him. Floating before her was none other than King Boo.

"You're right. It wasn't funny." he replied, still laughing. "It was hilarious! It always is!"

"That's not the point!" Peach exclaimed. "What are you doing here? What do you want from me?!"

King Boo stopped laughing. "Don't worry, I'm not going to cause you any harm. I saw you running from something... or someone. My, you look like you've seen better days." he told her. "Were you crying?"

"What? No I wasn't!" she defended, slightly scared.

"I saw your tears." he replied. "I'm guessing you haven't been doing well since the Marios'... departure." 

"It's been awful..." Peach sighed. "I fled the castle."

"But why would you do that?" he asked. "Tired of life as a princess?" he laughed.

"No..." she mumbled. "I just couldn't stand the idea of having to marry Bowser." Peach told him.  "So I... ran away. But maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all..."

"Maybe so. Do you have any idea what you're going to do or where you will go?"

"N-no..." Peach admitted weakly.

"I thought so. But I understand why you would want to run away. That high amount of arrogance can cause one to become unlikable." the king stated. "I wouldn't want to marry him, either. But you realize he's going to go looking for you, right?"

"You're not going to tell him I'm here, are you?" Peach asked, trying to hide her fear.

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me." he assured her. But Peach was still skeptical. She knew about what he had done before. The Mario Bros told her about the mansion and the Dark Moon incident. She wasn't sure if she could trust someone like him at all, let alone to keep a secret. She did feel a bit thankful that it was just King Boo and not one of Bowser's minions. "But it's getting late." he told her. "You should probably get some rest." He pulled out a blanket and put it over her.

"Thank you..." She reluctantly accepted. She wasn't sure why he was being nice to her, but she chose not to question it. She needed all the help she could get. But this was quite strange for an evil king like him.

"I would leave as soon as you wake up if I were you." he advised. "If you stay here, they might find you. I also know of a town near the forest. You might be able to stay there if you blend in."

"Okay." She replied. She was still unsure. "I don't understand though, why are you being so nice to me?"

"That, princess, is a question for another day. I'm afraid I must go, but I wish you good luck... farewell." he told her as he disappeared with a "poof!"

Peach sat there for a second and thought about what just happened. Why would a scary and powerful villain be helping her anyway? Pity? She wasn't sure. He and Bowser didn't get along that well, so maybe he was helping her to spite him? Well, the important thing was that she wasn't going to freeze anymore, so she was just happy about that.

She slowly began to close her eyes, and very soon, she was fast asleep.

------------------

Morning came, and Peach left her spot as soon as she could. She destroyed the makeshift fire pit to cover her tracks, and she also decided to keep the blanket with her just in case she needed it for something. 

After two hours of walking through the forest, Peach eventually found a town. She had already changed into some raggedy dress so that she wouldn't stand out.

"Okay, what am I going to do now?" the former princess thought. "I won't last long on what I've got. I need a place to stay..." she continued. "I'll figure something out."

The streets weren't as kind as Peach expected. Throughout the day, she got pushed, shoved, and even kicked at one point. She blended in alright, nobody seemed to even acknowledge her presence. She started to feel terribly guilty. While she was living a lap of luxury, there were people living in horrid conditions like this? This opened her eyes, as the princess was so used to everyone having her attention. Being ignored was... a strange feeling.

She continued walking through the village. While doing so, she bumped into someone.

"Oh! I'm very sorry!" she quickly apologized and looked at who she collided with. It was an old woman, with a very stern and condescending look on her face.

"You're not from here, are you?" the woman asked.

"How did you know?"

"You apologized. The people here don't do that when they bump into someone." she replied.

"They don't?" Peach gasped. "That's rude!"

"That's just how it is here." the elderly woman told her. "Where are you from?"

"Oh, me?" she responded. "A few towns over."

"Oh, well in that case, welcome to Attleford. Where are you staying?"

"Oh, well... I'm still working on that." Peach replied.

"You mean you're homeless?" 

"Well, I guess?" 

"Do you have a job, at least?" the woman asked.

"Uh... no." she admitted. 

"Do you want one?"

"A job?" Peach asked.

"Of course. I run a motel. You can work there, and in return, I offer you a place to stay." the woman explained.

Peach thought about it. A motel? That didn't sound too bad. She had never been in a motel, but knew it was like a less expensive version of a hotel.

"I guess. I don't really have many options." Peach accepted her offer.

------------------

The old woman brought her to the motel and gave her a quick tour. The motel wasn't really five star material, but it was alright. The old woman showed her to her room.

"So this is where you will be staying." the woman explained. 

Peach walked into the room. It was shabby, and the wallpaper was brown and peeling off. There was a single bed, and a bureau with a mirror, which had a crack in it. There was also a faded window that couldn't be opened, and a there was a nightstand near the bed, with an old lamp.

Peach walked around, her footsteps made the wooden floorboards creak. "Hmm... I guess it's alright." she told the old woman. <i>"Oh my goodness, this is awful! How am I going to live like this?"</i> she thought.

"I expect you to be in the lobby no later than seven o'clock tomorrow." the woman told her. "From then you will be given your duties for the day. You will have three meals a day."

"I understand."

"I also have a set of rules that I expect all of my employees to follow at all times." the woman explained. "No complaining, so stealing, no lights on after ten o'clock, no goofing off, and no being rude to guests. If you break any rules, you will be thrown out. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal." Peach responded.

"Good." the woman said. "It's getting late. You have a long day ahead of you, so get some sleep." The woman said as she was about to leave.

"Wait!" 

"What is it?" the old woman asked, slightly annoyed.

"I never got your name." she told her.

"Tell me your name first."

"It's uh..." Peach quickly thought of names. "Angela."

The woman sighed. "It's Norma. Norma Mills. You are to call me Ms. Mills."

"Yes, Ms. Mills."

"Good night." Ms. Mills said as she left, closing the door behind her. Peach sat on the bed and thought about her new job. 

She hoped it wouldn't be so bad. She wasn't used to this at all, she had never had a job before, all her servants did mostly everything for her. But she had to stay strong. It was either this, or marrying Bowser, and she would do anything to avoid the latter. 

It took her a while to fall asleep, but eventually, she found herself comfortable enough to dose off.

--------------------

The next day was brutal. She arrived in the lobby a few minutes early to make a good impression. It was alright so far, but then she received her chores for the day. 

She spent the whole day scrubbing the floors, cleaning windows, changing bedsheets, and sweeping. She did get her three meals, but the food was subpar. 

Peach was so relieved when it was time to go to sleep, she was more tired than she had ever been in her life. She fell onto her bed and fell asleep.

------------------

As she slept, she started to dream. She wasn't sure where she was, everything was so dark. She wandered around for a bit. 

"It's nice to see you again." a familiar voice said, which surprised her, which caused the voice to chuckle a bit. Peach turned around and saw King Boo. "Once again, you're scared so easily."

"Please don't do that again!" Peach criticized.

"Fine, I won't scare you again." he apologized. "I can't help the fact that it's quite comedic, though."

"It's okay." she responded. "I really appreciate what you did the other night."

"It was no problem. I just felt the need to help you." the king replied.

"Well, I still appreciate it." Peach said.  

"Did you make it out of that forest?" he asked.

"I did." she told him. "I managed to get a job and a place to stay. It's a motel. But I've only been there one day, and it's already hard."

"Of course. You were a pampered little princess for most of your life. This is a dramatic transition for you."

"You do have a point." she agreed. "I'll try to do my best."

------------------

The days went by as the former princess started getting used to the daily grind. Those days turned into weeks as she spent her time sweeping, dusting, and mopping. It was exhausting, for she would wake up at half past six in the morning, and not be finished until nine o'clock at night. Not to mention it seemed as though Ms. Mills didn't like her. She would make comments like "scrub harder!" and "you're not folding them right!". The other workers weren't that nice either. One employee, Laurel, decided it would be funny to trip her while she was walking down the hallway.

However, she did look forward to the day's end. King Boo had made a habit of visiting her dreams quite often. Why, she wasn't sure. They would have conversations about the day before. Despite the fact that he was the King of Boos, he would treat her kindly, as though she was an old friend. 

She was still confused why he suddenly cared so much, was he concerned about her? They had barely ever interacted before. And a rather terrifying realization came to her: she didn't mind his presence at all, in fact, she even liked his company. She looked forward to seeing him, and she couldn't explain why. He was a villain! He was an evil and powerful king who was feared by many. She should be afraid of him. But he was so nice to her, a side of him she had never heard of. What reason did he have to be kind to her? And if Mario was alive, what would he think of this? He might be horrified at the thought of her befriending someone like him. She felt quite guilty about this.

One night, she got her answer when she was visited again by King Boo.

"Peach Toadstool, there is just something about you." he told her. 

"What do you mean?" she responded.

He looked at her. "I was only going to visit you once, and then leave you alone, but for some reason, I found myself wanting to return to you, to see you again. I have spent my time thinking about you." he explained. He floated in front of her, and held her hands. "There's just something about you, something that I have yet to find in anyone else." 

"I don't understand, what have you found in me?"

"I haven't the slightest idea what exactly. I have never felt this way. I am the King of Boos. I have put fear into the hearts of mortals. But I just have this strange need, a strong desire to be with you, to make sure you're okay. I have heard of this feeling, but I had never experienced it until now. I thought I could escape it, but I couldn't handle this emotion any longer. Princess Peach Toadstool, I have fallen in love with you."

"You're in love with me?" the princess gasped. She couldn't believe this, was this the reason he kept visiting her?

He wrapped an arm around her waist. "I am very much in love with you, my dear princess." he murmured as he held her close to him. "I wasn't sure what Mario had seen in you, but now I understand why. You're very kind, and beautiful. And you've been through so much, I just want you to be alright."

"I... I don't know what to say." Peach stammered nervously. She couldn't think, and she should have been scared. But she was no longer afraid of him, in fact, she felt a calm yet satisfying sensation when he brought her closer, as though everything would be alright if he was near.

He began to stroke her hair. "I'm aware of the many horrible things I've done. I am not a good person. But I can make sure you're happy and safe with me."

She thought about his confession. She felt kind of wrong about all this, but at the same time, they had gotten to know each other quite well over the course of a month, and he hadn't harmed her.  Then she thought about Mario, and how he might have reacted if he were still alive. He would probably want her to move on, but with King Boo? Who knows. But being in his arms was a feeling that she couldn't find the right words to describe.

After all, she was trying to leave her old life behind. Maybe he would be able to help her.

"To be completely honest," the princess confessed. "I have really enjoyed your company as well, and you're the one thing I look forward to each day. I think... I think I might have some feelings for you too. But what if people find out about all this?"

"They don't need to know." he assured her. "It'll be our little secret." 

They held each other for a while. "It'll be morning soon. But I don't want to leave just yet..."

"I know, but we'll see each other again soon." 

"You're right. Besides, I have a job to do."

"Good luck, my dear." he whispered to her.

"Thank you, King Boo." the princess thanked.

"You're welcome."

------------------

When she woke up that morning, she was still blushing. She couldn't stop thinking about the night before, about how the most feared being in the entire Mushroom Kingdom and beyond, told her he loved her. It was all so much to take in. But she had to save those thoughts for another time, because it was time to start working once more.

As she walked into the lobby, she heard the gossip of the other employees.

"Did you hear, they say the Princess has been missing for over a month!"

"Really? No way!"

"I heard that King Bowser is offering a reward for those who bring her back!"

"Corinne told me that some people in Mushroom City tried to turn in a blonde imposter for the reward."

Peach felt her heart drop when she heard that last sentence. Her loyal subjects would easily sell her out like that? She felt quite betrayed. She had to be extra careful now.

She was assigned her tasks, as per usual. However, while she was sweeping the kitchen by herself, Laurel walked into the room.

"I know it's you." she muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"The others here are probably too stupid to notice, but I'm smart enough to tell you're the Princess."

"What makes you think I'm a princess?!" Peach exclaimed. 

"I can tell you're inexperienced when it comes to cleaning. Not to mention you have the same blonde hair, blue eyes, and face." Laurel pointed out. "Don't even bother trying to cover it up, Peach!"

She gasped. "Please don't tell anyone!"

"I won't." she assured her. "Under one condition."

"What would that be, exactly?" Peach asked.

"You do my chores for me, along with your own." she demanded. 

"That is absurd!"

"It's either more chores, or be ratted out to the cops. Which one will it be, blondie?" Laurel questioned with a smirk on her face.

Peach knew she couldn't go back, she wouldn't lose this battle. "Alright, fine." she sighed. "I will perform your duties."

"Good, I knew I could count on you!" she laughed meanly as she left Peach to continue sweeping. 

This would be a long day.

------------------

A long day, it was indeed. Now that her workload had doubled, she had less time to breathe. It was a seemingly never-ending cycle of back and forth. She got less hours of sleep, less time to eat, and it was showing. The stress was starting to get to her. All while Laurel was taking it easy, and slacking off with her friends.

"I'm very concerned about you, dear." King Boo told her one night. 

"I'm fine. It's nothing, I can handle this." she defended. 

"No, this is troublesome. Look at you, you're not eating enough, you're not getting enough sleep." he reminded her. "Stress kills, believe me, I've seen it happen."

"But what am I supposed to do? Tell her the deal's off and then have her reveal me to the authorities? I can't go back, I just can't!" she exclaimed. 

"I understand." he told her as he held her close. "But it hurts to see you suffer like this. How long do you plan on living like this?"

"I don't know..." she responded weakly. "I don't know..."

"Come with me."

"What?"

"You can run away and live with me. You won't have to work the life out of you."

"How? she questioned.

"I can take you there. Please, I don't want to see you slave away like this. You'll be alright, I promise. I just want you happy." he said to her.

"Okay, I'll go with you." she accepted. "But when?"

"We can leave tomorrow." 

"Just one more day..." she added. "I think I'll be able to handle one more day."

"Are you sure?" 

"I've already handled this much already. A single day shouldn't do much harm." she assured. 

"You're a lot more determined than I thought, aren't you?" he complimented.

"I gained it over time, I guess." she shrugged.

"Well, promised me you'll used that determination to get through the day?" 

"I promise."

"You're going to be alright. I'll make sure of it."

------------------

Morning arrived faster than Peach had anticipated. Her chores went on like normal, but she noticed Laurel had a smile on her face, as though she was planning something. The former princess tried her best to ignore it.

Later in the afternoon, she was changing the sheets in every bedroom. As she walked out of one of the rooms, she was met with a terrifying sight.

She saw Laurel talking with what appeared to be the police.

"The princess has been here for at least a month. She's working in this hotel, officer." Laurel explained to them.

"Are you positive it's really Her Highness?" the officer asked.

"It's most certainly her." she confirmed. She turned towards Peach and pointed her direction. "In fact, there she is right now."

Peach gasped as the police saw her, and quickly ran down the hallway to her room. She locked the door, and she could hear them running down the hallway. She was in a panic, now. The police were sure to look in every room. What was she to do?

"Peach!" she heard someone call her name. She turned around and saw King Boo in the room with her.

"You came back for me..." she said quietly.

"We don't have much time! Please come with me, you'll be safe." he told her as he held out his hand.

Peach smiled and took his hand, right as they both heard banging on the door. "I will."

------------------

The police officers kicked down the door, but they were surprised to find the room empty.

"That's strange, I couldn't have sworn I heard someone in here..." an officer stated.

"We'll just have to keep on looking." another one added.

"Well hurry up and find her!" Laurel shouted.

"Don't worry ma'am," the first officer told her. "We'll find her."

...

They never did.

[estrelatzia]

do all pls

It took a while, and I am sorry for taking so long, but I finally had the time to do it ;u;

Thank you for the ask!

Favorite video game?

I can’t choose just one, I have quite a few in my heart.

Professor Layton Series (My fave being Miracle Mask)

Pokemon (Of course! My faves being ORAS, RSE, HGSS, SUMO, B2W2)

And Animal Crossing (New Leaf and HHD)

First console you owned?

The super NES.

I come from a family of “gamers”, in a sense that my dad and most of his cousins are big video game fans.

However, when he was younger, they couldn’t afford any video game, it was too expensive and well, the income was very low, so they mostly spent their times in Arcades. So when my dad got married and finally had a budget, like one of the first things he did was buy a NES lol

He taught me how to splay super Mario when I was very young, tho I don’t even remember the first time I played it.

The first console my parents bought for me was the nintendo 64. And the first one that only belonged to me (Cuz I shared the 64 with my dad and my cousins) was the game boy colour.

A game that holds a special place in your heart?

I think Pokemon Ruby! God, I have so many good memories of this game! Like it was such a good experience for me!

I kinda was “kinnie” with May and saw myself a lot in her. And I fell in love with so many pokemon in that gen, like Torchic, Milotic, Absol, Azuril, Jirachi etc.

I got my first pokemon to lvl 100 (My blaziken). I found my first ever Shiny Pokemon (Trapinch who evolved into Flygon) and was lucky to get a lot of jackpot at the casino (Which I really sucked before lol). I also had a lot of fun times with the secret bases. And I loved the characters like Brendan, Winona and Wally. I discovered a lot of stuff on my own that up until today was memorable to me, like finding the 5% chance of fishing Feebas and trying to discover how to get Azuril (we didn’t have bulbapedia at the time and couldn’t read very well in English.) I also fell in love with the wonders of Hoenn! 

After like 200 hours I think, the games had a thing were the clock just stops moving and you can’t plant berries and such and it kinda sucks. I know it doesn’t change much in game, but when I was a kid it felt like the end of the game for me. And it kinda made me sad, but I still have the cartridge intact. I never had the heart to reset the game, I just moved my pokemon to other games (HGSS). Ruby will always be like a special treasure for me.

Favorite video game character?

This one is difficult, because I love so many lol Like I could talk about days, especially since they have a lot of characters in pokemon.

But I guess I will spare the details and go straight to a video game character that I appreciate and love a lot: Professor Layton.

That man is just such good guy? Like he is charismatic, fancy, so kind and so smart! It is fun playing along with him as a main character! And it’s super funny considering that the plots get so weird sometimes, that someone as logical as him can always figure out what is going on before everyone lol

He is just such a nice guy that you would like to meet you know? Also his voice is so calm and nice, it’s soothing!

He is voiced in Japanese by  Yo Oizumi (Which I would recommend everyone to give a listen to! You won’t regret! It’s so soothing and beautiful!) And Christopher Robin Miller in English!

Least favorite video game character?

I don’t have a character that I dislike with a big passion, but since I am given the opportunity I need to talk about one that annoyed me and I will probably put lot of people in a bad mood….please don’t take it personal, it’s just my opinion ;;

But for me, Zin/nia in ORAS made my experience with the post game some much more annoying!

Like I already have kinda a hate-love relationship with Post game ORAS (The delta episode). I like that they added it to the game and gave more story, I adored the moment you go to space and fight Deoxys. All this was so wonderful. I dislike however how you are like “Place A, fight someone. Ok now go to place B. Fight someone again”. It’s really annoying…and the fact that Zinnia’s character was rushed(?) into the story made it more annoying to me. Like we have some details of her story but not a whole lot. We can probably connect the dots…but still?? It felt weird to me. I thought there would be more to it, but it didn’t. And because of that it made the whole experience annoying and almost frustrating, because we don’t know a whole lot of what’s going on, but Zinnia doesn’t explain either. She is just angry and in a rush, and instead of just explaining what is happening, she goes around and steal stuff and punch people??? And when Steven the champion tries to offer some help, she is just rude?? which honestly I don’t care if she hates him, but logically if you want someone to listen and help you, why are you just being horrible to everyone?? And all that alternate universe will be destroyed…is like ok…I get what you mean but HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT FOR SURE??? How is anyone supposed to know that?? I just…idk it frustrated me. And I thought they would one day explain, but it has been like 5 years? and GameFreak maybe forgot about it, so it’s still a bitter memory to me. I know may love her and it’s ok, but to me she came off as unsympathetic at the time.

Favorite genre?

I would say RPG, but I haven’t complete any RPG in years, except for Pokemon. So I guess just relaxing games? Like Animal Crossing? Or games you can explore? Because one of the thing I love the most about games is exploring the vast worlds and interesting cities.  Idk, I also like puzzle games a lot lol

Video game character you’ve had a crush on?

Well when I was a young kid, I had a crush on Silver and Bugsy lol But now I don’t think I have crushes on any characters to be honest. I kinda lost having crushes on characters, but I am not sure why.

I guess if I have to choose, I would say Henry Ledore from Professor Layton: Miracle Mask, because I really liked that character and his personality. And it’s the closest that I have to a character crush, even though it is barely one lol

First video game you remember playing?

Super Mario for the SNES. But my memories are kinda hazy, so the one I remember the most is playing Diddy Kong Racing lol.

Age you started gaming?

I was super young, I can’t really remember when I played a video game for the first time, but I really started being interested in games around 7-ish. When I started playing Pokemon and discover other video games with my cousins.

Hardest video game you’ve played?

Listen…I don’t have the patience to play hard games…when it gets tough I give up…If I have the choice I would choose the easier mode…so I can’t even answer this question, because I would be saying a very easy game and people will be laughing at me and saying I am a fake gamer or something.

Video game you’ve spent the most time on?

Tomodachi Life (Don’t judge, I love it!)

Animal Crossing New Leaf

Pokemon Alpha Sapphire

Most embarrassing gaming moment?

When I was a kid I got stuck playing Golden Sun at the Mercury Lighthouse. It was early in the dungeon, like right after you get Mia, there was a statue you had to do Ply on, and I never got it. So instead I wondered for hours in the few accessible places in the world and did almost everything else I could. when I discovered, I cried almost of joy, my characters were so over-level at that point lol

I tried to play Pokemon competitive mode a few years ago because everyone was talking about it and lost almost immediately, I had no regrets because I dislike competitive modes, so it just proved that it wasn’t for me, but at the same time, it was darn embarrassing.

My first ever game of Kingdom Hearts was 358/2 Days. My experience with KH so far was only KHI that my cousin had. So I never really played it or knew the story, I just knew there were Disney characters and Mickey was apparently a King??? But I just wondered around Traverse Town (thus why I guess that town is so nostalgic to me), I wanted to explore like Atlantica because Ariel was there, but my cousin didn’t let me because it sucked (tho to be fair, he was right, but I didn’t know that!). Fast forward to Days, I was excited to finally start my own adventure and rapidly got confused. Like where was Mickey? My companions Donald and Goofy? Why was everyone talking about nobodies?? (Which for the longest time I thought meant like a insult instead of actually a real thing in the games lol). And to me the game tutorial felt soooo long. I just wanted to explore, and I lost patience so rapidly. Like if you would ask me, I would say that I spent almost 100 days on that game, but apparently I gave up so early, right before going to the first Disney World (one day before according to my brother lol…). I got roasted by my bro and cousins.

Scariest video game you’ve played?

I also don’t do scary stuff lol ;u; I get scary pretty easily! Like I got scared from playing limbo and couldn’t sleep well that night (I am not kidding lol)

Most memorable gaming moment?

Getting my Shiny Trapinch, finding Feebas and hatching my first Azuril in Ruby!

Also when me and my cousin were exploring the Silver islands (? myabe not the proper name, but I am too lazy to search) in Pokemon Silver, we found Lugia!! And It was super exciting for us! We were super happy for the rest of the day!

Video game character you wish you could meet in real life?

I guess Professor Layton, Aqua from KH and Maya Fey from the Ace Attorney games (She is so funny!).

PC, Xbox, Playstation, or Nintendo?

Almost only Nintendo.

Gaming company you’re most loyal to?

Nintendo, mostly because they make the games I am the most interested in, like Pokemon, AC, Mario, etc.

If you could only play one video game for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

I guess Pokemon, because I can’t imagine leaving without pokemon. But honestly, I can’t just live with ONE game, I would get bored eventually.

Do you use strategy guides?

I used when I was a kid. Now I just use references online when I need it.

How often do you use cheats?

If it’s a in-game glitch, I love trying it. If it’s a cheat that you need to use like a 3rd party, then I never use it.

The only time I cheated was when I was playing DPP, I really wanted to capture Creselia and other event legendary (which I never got, because I live in an obscure town and Nintendo didn’t even give events close to us here so… :) ). I made myself had like 100 master ball in the game, I was just so tired of chasing after Creselia. And honestly I don’t regret doing it. The only reason I don,t use 3rd party cheats is just because I don,t like to use it in the game, I’m paranoid and afraid I will loose my file or something lol

Competitive or single player?

Single player, definitely.

Video game character you want to/have cosplayed?

At a con I went, there was someone dressed like Donk City! Peach. I kinda want to try this but maybe a Roselia or Daisy version!

The other I want to try is KH3 Kairi, just because I adore her outfit. But I feel like it would be difficult and kidna not comfortable to wear, so I am pretty sure I will never lol

Ever go to a video game convention?

No never. It is quite far from where I live. But someday I would like to go.

Hardest boss fight you’ve been in?

I don’t remember honestly.

Video game you wish you could burn from your memory?

Time Hollow. It was kinda a boring game.

The other would be Sims…because I get really distracted and addicted to it to the point I don’t do much else when playing with it and I don,t like being like this since I feel like I am wasting my free time when I play for too long.

Favorite gaming series?

Pokemon

Professor Layton

Animal Crossing

Kingdom Hearts (Even though, I didn’t even played half of the games...)

Do you skip tutorials, or find them useful?

I try to listen when I am not familiar with a game, but I most likely get bored and eventually skip…

Best online gaming experience?

I don’t play online.

Worst online gaming experience?

I don’t play online.

Why do you game?

I game cuz I like gaming. lol It is just a nice hobby and a nice way to relax honestly.

[adambstingus]

6 Actors Who Tried To Teach Lessons (And Madness Ensued)

A celebrity public service announcement seems like a fine idea in theory. People love having a popular, attractive person tell them what to do — that’s how God-Emperors are made. So how can you screw that up? Well, let us count the ways …

6

Mario Tells Kids That They’ll Suffer Hell On Earth

“Captain” Lou Albano had the honor of being both a professional wrestler and Mario on The Super Mario Bros. Super Show, which to children is about as impressive as being a crimefighting dog who can magically summon ice cream. So it’s not surprising that Albano was seen as a great choice for an anti-drug PSA aimed at kids. It is surprising that they filmed the whole shebang in a closet while Albano looked like he was wasted on a whatever he was telling kids to stay away from.

Albano crams a lot of words into 19 seconds, and while it’s mostly standard PSA stuff (“Don’t be afraid to say no,” “People who want you to take drugs aren’t really your friends,” “You’ll probably stop giving a crap about what Mario says when you go to college and some cutie invites you to smoke weed with them,” etc.), there’s a last-second twist. Albano warns that if you do drugs, “you’ll go to hell before you die,” while fading into a corner of a screen and whispering the word “please” in a way that would really mess with your head if you were tripping.

Always remember, kids: According to a professional athlete who played a hero whose power comes from magical mushrooms, drugs have no benefit whatsoever and will send you to a nightmarish plane of brimstone and fire.

5

The Cast Of The Wire Wants You To Wear A Condom

Teenagers, generally speaking, are the demographic that most need education on sexual safety, both because they’re lacking in life experience and because they’re getting laid way more often than we are. So if you had to make a hip safe sex PSA in the mid-2000s, what celebrities would you work with? The stars of a teen drama? Maybe the cast of a reality show? How about the heroes of their dad’s favorite gritty police drama, The Wire?

Luckily, a whole chunk of The Wire‘s cast is here to prestige people into practicing safe sex. Unfortunately, this PSA is less of a coherent call to action than a laudanum-induced fever dream. There are no statistics or stern lectures — merely the dying hallucinations of a ’80s music video director made surreality.

Monique Richert/YouTube “Why, I’m practicing safe sex right now!”

The whole thing comes across like aliens have kidnapped humans and are trying to make a soothing simulated reality for them based only on the trivia that we like sex, award-winning television, and outdated music. Clarke Peters looks like he’s about to teach us either Tae Bo or how to use your orgasm to ascend to a higher plane of existence.

4

Here’s Jackie Chan Hanging Out With A Giant Condom

“You all know me as an action hero,” is how Jackie Chan walks into this PSA. But he wants to introduce us to another action hero: Mr. Condom, who sounds like the stuffed bear of a Victorian British child — something to keep in mind the next time you use one.

Mr. Condom and Jackie clearly have a strong and respectful master-student relationship, and Chan explains how this strong warrior prevents STDs. Meanwhile, an energetic Mr. Condom shows off his fighting moves. Because if there’s one thing you want a good condom to be, it’s flexible enough to move around wildly on its own.

Mr. Condom then launches himself into the air, spins around, and stretches himself out, in case you’ve ever wondered what it looks like when a condom has its own orgasm, before reminding us to use him when you have sex. Chan then wraps up the PSA by telling us that while he can fight visible enemies, even he needs Mr. Condom’s help in keeping HIV at bay, which can definitely be a risk when you cheat on your wife. Then Jackie and Mr. Condom embrace, and Jackie definitely doesn’t die a little inside before they punch the camera.

3

Don’t Drive Angry, Or Evander Holyfield Will Beat You To Death

If you make the wrong decision while driving, you can end a person’s life. Someone’s loved one could be snuffed out in an instant due to your carelessness. But apparently some people require a more “What’s in it for me?” incentive than that, so Evander Holyfield made a PSA about how he’ll beat the shit out of aggressive drivers.

Scene: A car pulls into traffic and cuts off another driver, who then angrily honks and forces the car over. The man gets out of his truck and reveals himself to be a redneck stereotype whose string of profanity makes it clear that he intends to beat the fuck stuffing out of his new nemesis. But then, surprise twist! The man he wants to murder is Evander Holyfield! Now who’s about to die?

The moral clearly ought to be “Avoid road rage. You never know who you might run into. But counterpoint: If you can clearly see it’s some soccer mom or a grandpa, feel free to go full King Immortan Joe on their asses.” If the only way you can think of to appeal to violent maniacs is to remind them they’ll sometimes cross paths with a professional fighter, you haven’t made a PSA against road rage, but one in favor of keeping a gun in the glove compartment.

2

Mel Gibson Doesn’t Want The Feds To Take Away Our Vitamins

Holy shit, check out this thrilling Mel Gibson movie set in the grim future of 1993!

Whose fancy house is being raided? A corrupt politician? An unscrupulous CEO?

No, they’re arresting Mel Gibson. And while it was prescient for Gibson to portray himself as being in trouble with the law, here he’s being hauled in for the simple dystopian crime of owning vitamins. “Guys, guys! It’s only vitamins!” he protests. But what he doesn’t know is that the government wants to make vitamins illegal. This video is here to warn good American citizens that their supplements are under attack. Now, you probably don’t know anyone who has been dogpiled by a SWAT team for cracking open a bottle of Flintstone’s, but in the chilling, stupid reality of Mel Gibson’s world, the answer is “It’s already happening.”

As shown in this obviously based-on-real-events footage, the fascist pig cops are unimpressed when Gibson explains to them he was only taking Vitamin C, “like in oranges.” He’ll have plenty of time to adjust his mindset during his four-month stay at a Dietary Supplement Reeducation Camp. But that future doesn’t have to be ours, the cards say, if we just call our senators.

If you’re wondering what the hell is going on, this “PSA” was funded by the Nutritional Health Alliance, a lobby group formed by the supplement industry to prevent the government from looking into what a huge scam supplements are.

Specifically, in early ’90s, the FDA wanted to crack down on supplements that made completely unsubstantiated health claims on their packaging and in ads, because if there’s one thing the Man loves to do, it’s pushing around honest, hard-working Americans by forcing them to stop buying dangerous products that hospitalize tens of thousands and might accidentally kill people. It’s unclear if Gibson actually believed in the supplement industry or was letting them supplement his income, but luckily, Gibbers was unable to terrify Americans with his vision of a vitamin-hating police state. The FDA’s new regulations went through, and Gibson found himself on the wrong side of history — a position he’s since become intimately familiar with.

1

Kid Rock And Sean Penn For Generic Unity Between Americans

It’s no secret that America is a politically divided country. And who better to bridge that bitter gap than Kid Rock and Sean Penn, two of the most beloved and kind artists in the world. Between Kid’s political savvy and Penn’s famous calmness, only these two could ever unite Americans across the political spectrum — mostly by making all of them ask “Wait … what the fuck?”

This nearly 11-minute (no, seriously) public service Sundance entry is called “Americans,” and it features one of America’s favorite (alleged) spousal abusers sitting down with one of America’s least-favorite aural abusers for a conversation that absolutely no one asked for.

We open with Penn sitting at a bar and ordering vodka, even though he already looks and sounds completely shitfaced.

Mitt Romney (this was made in 2012) is giving a speech on TV. Penn asks for the channel to be changed, but the justifiably scared female bartender ignores him, just in time for Romney to introduce his special musical guest. It’s Kid Rock, and for a moment, we are all Sean Penn:

Then, gasp! Old Man Rock appears in the bar! How Penn failed to notice a six-foot-tall overall-wearing Americana scarecrow right next to him is left unexplained.

But Mr. Rock, who also seems drunk, plops himself down next to Penn and starts complaining about “Obummer’s” tax policies, like a totally relatable middle American. The two start sniping at each other like YouTube commenters — Penn quotes Goebbels, while Kid Rock says “Fuckin’ suck it, commie.” They both take turns delivering incoherent tirades, although Penn seems to be winning the debate. After all, it’s hard to take Kid Rock seriously when he’s dressed like he’s on his way to play the Country Bear Jamboree.

They nearly come to blows, in a fight we could only hope they somehow both lose, until a random sassy bar patron tells them to shut up and appreciate everything America has to offer. Her passionate speech about what American citizenship means to her is somewhat undercut by the fact that she finishes by calling them “fucking pussies,” but never mind that –there’s some breaking news on the bar TV that inexplicably isn’t just on ESPN. 26 marines have been killed in Afghanistan! Cue sad music and Kid Rock failing to act!

Thankfully, those soldiers didn’t die in vain. Rock and Penn are inspired by their sacrifice to toast “to freedom” and apologize to each other — while babbling over everyone else’s respectful moment of silence. Naturally, the next step is a wacky montage! The first thing Kid Rock does is sell his car and buy a Prius, as any relatable conservative American who wants to learn more about his liberal friends could totally afford to do at the drop of a hideous hat.

Next, we get a shot of an environmental protest, Kid Rock urinating in the background, and Penn catching his urine in a bucket because … Kid Rock’s dehydrated lizard juice still counts as potable water? No time to reflect, because it’s time for Penn to trade places! Kid Rock teaches him to drink a beer instead of a girly cocktail! As the day is winding down, Penn takes Rock to a gay wedding, which, according to this movie, involves one of the men wearing a wedding dress! Are we seeing this wedding through Rock’s Republican eyes?

They then buy each other T-shirts and exchange them on the beach! Kid Rock and Sean Penn are totally about to fuck! After the pair leaves the beach to go bone down, the message of this inspirational tale appears onscreen for the benefit of the slower viewers: We’re all Americans, whether we love PETA, own guns, or are a sassy black woman. Those are the only three kinds of Americans. You too can put aside your cavalcade of liberal and conservative stereotypes and stop yelling crude insults at each other long enough to bond over some dead marines and go car shopping. Because in the end, aren’t we all just South Park jokes without the irony? Fuck yeah, Sean Penn and Kid Rock. Fuck yeah.

Mark is on Twitter and has a book.

Also check out The 6 Most Counterproductive PSAs of All Time and 7 Safety PSAs (That Were Clearly Made By Serial Killers).

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 6 PSAs Way More F#!@ed Up Than Any Drug Addict, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

Follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

If we’ve ever made you laugh or think, we now have a way where you can thank and support us!

Make a contribution

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/6-actors-who-tried-to-teach-lessons-and-madness-ensued/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/182980603822

[samanthasroberts]

6 Actors Who Tried To Teach Lessons (And Madness Ensued)

A celebrity public service announcement seems like a fine idea in theory. People love having a popular, attractive person tell them what to do — that’s how God-Emperors are made. So how can you screw that up? Well, let us count the ways …

6

Mario Tells Kids That They’ll Suffer Hell On Earth

“Captain” Lou Albano had the honor of being both a professional wrestler and Mario on The Super Mario Bros. Super Show, which to children is about as impressive as being a crimefighting dog who can magically summon ice cream. So it’s not surprising that Albano was seen as a great choice for an anti-drug PSA aimed at kids. It is surprising that they filmed the whole shebang in a closet while Albano looked like he was wasted on a whatever he was telling kids to stay away from.

Albano crams a lot of words into 19 seconds, and while it’s mostly standard PSA stuff (“Don’t be afraid to say no,” “People who want you to take drugs aren’t really your friends,” “You’ll probably stop giving a crap about what Mario says when you go to college and some cutie invites you to smoke weed with them,” etc.), there’s a last-second twist. Albano warns that if you do drugs, “you’ll go to hell before you die,” while fading into a corner of a screen and whispering the word “please” in a way that would really mess with your head if you were tripping.

Always remember, kids: According to a professional athlete who played a hero whose power comes from magical mushrooms, drugs have no benefit whatsoever and will send you to a nightmarish plane of brimstone and fire.

5

The Cast Of The Wire Wants You To Wear A Condom

Teenagers, generally speaking, are the demographic that most need education on sexual safety, both because they’re lacking in life experience and because they’re getting laid way more often than we are. So if you had to make a hip safe sex PSA in the mid-2000s, what celebrities would you work with? The stars of a teen drama? Maybe the cast of a reality show? How about the heroes of their dad’s favorite gritty police drama, The Wire?

Luckily, a whole chunk of The Wire‘s cast is here to prestige people into practicing safe sex. Unfortunately, this PSA is less of a coherent call to action than a laudanum-induced fever dream. There are no statistics or stern lectures — merely the dying hallucinations of a ’80s music video director made surreality.

Monique Richert/YouTube “Why, I’m practicing safe sex right now!”

The whole thing comes across like aliens have kidnapped humans and are trying to make a soothing simulated reality for them based only on the trivia that we like sex, award-winning television, and outdated music. Clarke Peters looks like he’s about to teach us either Tae Bo or how to use your orgasm to ascend to a higher plane of existence.

4

Here’s Jackie Chan Hanging Out With A Giant Condom

“You all know me as an action hero,” is how Jackie Chan walks into this PSA. But he wants to introduce us to another action hero: Mr. Condom, who sounds like the stuffed bear of a Victorian British child — something to keep in mind the next time you use one.

Mr. Condom and Jackie clearly have a strong and respectful master-student relationship, and Chan explains how this strong warrior prevents STDs. Meanwhile, an energetic Mr. Condom shows off his fighting moves. Because if there’s one thing you want a good condom to be, it’s flexible enough to move around wildly on its own.

Mr. Condom then launches himself into the air, spins around, and stretches himself out, in case you’ve ever wondered what it looks like when a condom has its own orgasm, before reminding us to use him when you have sex. Chan then wraps up the PSA by telling us that while he can fight visible enemies, even he needs Mr. Condom’s help in keeping HIV at bay, which can definitely be a risk when you cheat on your wife. Then Jackie and Mr. Condom embrace, and Jackie definitely doesn’t die a little inside before they punch the camera.

3

Don’t Drive Angry, Or Evander Holyfield Will Beat You To Death

If you make the wrong decision while driving, you can end a person’s life. Someone’s loved one could be snuffed out in an instant due to your carelessness. But apparently some people require a more “What’s in it for me?” incentive than that, so Evander Holyfield made a PSA about how he’ll beat the shit out of aggressive drivers.

Scene: A car pulls into traffic and cuts off another driver, who then angrily honks and forces the car over. The man gets out of his truck and reveals himself to be a redneck stereotype whose string of profanity makes it clear that he intends to beat the fuck stuffing out of his new nemesis. But then, surprise twist! The man he wants to murder is Evander Holyfield! Now who’s about to die?

The moral clearly ought to be “Avoid road rage. You never know who you might run into. But counterpoint: If you can clearly see it’s some soccer mom or a grandpa, feel free to go full King Immortan Joe on their asses.” If the only way you can think of to appeal to violent maniacs is to remind them they’ll sometimes cross paths with a professional fighter, you haven’t made a PSA against road rage, but one in favor of keeping a gun in the glove compartment.

2

Mel Gibson Doesn’t Want The Feds To Take Away Our Vitamins

Holy shit, check out this thrilling Mel Gibson movie set in the grim future of 1993!

Whose fancy house is being raided? A corrupt politician? An unscrupulous CEO?

No, they’re arresting Mel Gibson. And while it was prescient for Gibson to portray himself as being in trouble with the law, here he’s being hauled in for the simple dystopian crime of owning vitamins. “Guys, guys! It’s only vitamins!” he protests. But what he doesn’t know is that the government wants to make vitamins illegal. This video is here to warn good American citizens that their supplements are under attack. Now, you probably don’t know anyone who has been dogpiled by a SWAT team for cracking open a bottle of Flintstone’s, but in the chilling, stupid reality of Mel Gibson’s world, the answer is “It’s already happening.”

As shown in this obviously based-on-real-events footage, the fascist pig cops are unimpressed when Gibson explains to them he was only taking Vitamin C, “like in oranges.” He’ll have plenty of time to adjust his mindset during his four-month stay at a Dietary Supplement Reeducation Camp. But that future doesn’t have to be ours, the cards say, if we just call our senators.

If you’re wondering what the hell is going on, this “PSA” was funded by the Nutritional Health Alliance, a lobby group formed by the supplement industry to prevent the government from looking into what a huge scam supplements are.

Specifically, in early ’90s, the FDA wanted to crack down on supplements that made completely unsubstantiated health claims on their packaging and in ads, because if there’s one thing the Man loves to do, it’s pushing around honest, hard-working Americans by forcing them to stop buying dangerous products that hospitalize tens of thousands and might accidentally kill people. It’s unclear if Gibson actually believed in the supplement industry or was letting them supplement his income, but luckily, Gibbers was unable to terrify Americans with his vision of a vitamin-hating police state. The FDA’s new regulations went through, and Gibson found himself on the wrong side of history — a position he’s since become intimately familiar with.

1

Kid Rock And Sean Penn For Generic Unity Between Americans

It’s no secret that America is a politically divided country. And who better to bridge that bitter gap than Kid Rock and Sean Penn, two of the most beloved and kind artists in the world. Between Kid’s political savvy and Penn’s famous calmness, only these two could ever unite Americans across the political spectrum — mostly by making all of them ask “Wait … what the fuck?”

This nearly 11-minute (no, seriously) public service Sundance entry is called “Americans,” and it features one of America’s favorite (alleged) spousal abusers sitting down with one of America’s least-favorite aural abusers for a conversation that absolutely no one asked for.

We open with Penn sitting at a bar and ordering vodka, even though he already looks and sounds completely shitfaced.

Mitt Romney (this was made in 2012) is giving a speech on TV. Penn asks for the channel to be changed, but the justifiably scared female bartender ignores him, just in time for Romney to introduce his special musical guest. It’s Kid Rock, and for a moment, we are all Sean Penn:

Then, gasp! Old Man Rock appears in the bar! How Penn failed to notice a six-foot-tall overall-wearing Americana scarecrow right next to him is left unexplained.

But Mr. Rock, who also seems drunk, plops himself down next to Penn and starts complaining about “Obummer’s” tax policies, like a totally relatable middle American. The two start sniping at each other like YouTube commenters — Penn quotes Goebbels, while Kid Rock says “Fuckin’ suck it, commie.” They both take turns delivering incoherent tirades, although Penn seems to be winning the debate. After all, it’s hard to take Kid Rock seriously when he’s dressed like he’s on his way to play the Country Bear Jamboree.

They nearly come to blows, in a fight we could only hope they somehow both lose, until a random sassy bar patron tells them to shut up and appreciate everything America has to offer. Her passionate speech about what American citizenship means to her is somewhat undercut by the fact that she finishes by calling them “fucking pussies,” but never mind that –there’s some breaking news on the bar TV that inexplicably isn’t just on ESPN. 26 marines have been killed in Afghanistan! Cue sad music and Kid Rock failing to act!

Thankfully, those soldiers didn’t die in vain. Rock and Penn are inspired by their sacrifice to toast “to freedom” and apologize to each other — while babbling over everyone else’s respectful moment of silence. Naturally, the next step is a wacky montage! The first thing Kid Rock does is sell his car and buy a Prius, as any relatable conservative American who wants to learn more about his liberal friends could totally afford to do at the drop of a hideous hat.

Next, we get a shot of an environmental protest, Kid Rock urinating in the background, and Penn catching his urine in a bucket because … Kid Rock’s dehydrated lizard juice still counts as potable water? No time to reflect, because it’s time for Penn to trade places! Kid Rock teaches him to drink a beer instead of a girly cocktail! As the day is winding down, Penn takes Rock to a gay wedding, which, according to this movie, involves one of the men wearing a wedding dress! Are we seeing this wedding through Rock’s Republican eyes?

They then buy each other T-shirts and exchange them on the beach! Kid Rock and Sean Penn are totally about to fuck! After the pair leaves the beach to go bone down, the message of this inspirational tale appears onscreen for the benefit of the slower viewers: We’re all Americans, whether we love PETA, own guns, or are a sassy black woman. Those are the only three kinds of Americans. You too can put aside your cavalcade of liberal and conservative stereotypes and stop yelling crude insults at each other long enough to bond over some dead marines and go car shopping. Because in the end, aren’t we all just South Park jokes without the irony? Fuck yeah, Sean Penn and Kid Rock. Fuck yeah.

Mark is on Twitter and has a book.

Also check out The 6 Most Counterproductive PSAs of All Time and 7 Safety PSAs (That Were Clearly Made By Serial Killers).

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 6 PSAs Way More F#!@ed Up Than Any Drug Addict, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

Follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

If we’ve ever made you laugh or think, we now have a way where you can thank and support us!

Make a contribution

Source: http://allofbeer.com/6-actors-who-tried-to-teach-lessons-and-madness-ensued/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2019/02/22/6-actors-who-tried-to-teach-lessons-and-madness-ensued/