#it feels like my story isn't really being seen and is getting pushed aside in favor of how everyone else wants it to go and i'm just

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Hi. I have a pretty specific request for Kaz x reader. Basically, the reader was a part of the dregs for some time, well acquainted with Kaz, Nina and Inej (and Jesper, though I don't remember when he dropped studies and joined, but like yeah). After some time (2 years?) the reader is sent off to a job that causes them not to run into the main group a lot. For half a year they almost disappear (maybe swindling people in the harbor or watching some other Dregs’ territory). When they return all is good, new scars were definitely made and all, but that's a part of the job. They did mess up their leg though, having the knee crushed by a heavy object. They didn't get to heal it and after half a year its pretty hard to really fix. Unfortunately, they were known for their dancing and athletics as well as hand to hand combat before. That was why thy were seen as a valuable asset in the first place. And in the Dregs it’s not uncommon to overlook or hide injuries. So, though it's clear that something is wrong, they downplay it, afraid of being seen as weak or useless. But they struggle on the daily. I mean, from experience, that kind of an unhealed injury is hard to manage - they don't know how to sleep without pain flaring up bc the usual positions just don't work anymore, they have to relearn walking the stairs in a painless manner, whether changes are number one enemy, riding in anything is a nightmare bc the roads are bumpy, sitting apparently can cause pain too not to even mention walking. And all the fighting and acrobatics aren't as effective. They try to make others forget, trying to dance with Nina and Jes and sparring with Inej as if nothing happened. They want their life and self worth back

Before, they were known for keeping Kaz at a distance, which doesn't change at first. They still bicker, the reader is still distrustful. But I think he would be helpful. Not out of kindness, especially at first, but out of convenience. He can’t have them messing things up and so it starts small with offhand tips. Just enough not to have them get killed. Later, perhaps, they start talking more and the reader isn't sure if Kaz is still just the ruthless asshole they have to work with

To be fair, I don't have much plot. I just have my love for bittersweet stories and my messed up leg to provide inspiration. Also, don't care what you do with the gender, I used they/them to make in neutral but I don't really care. I know this request is long. No pressure if you don't like this scenario

-☆

My apologies for this taking so long. I was just scared that I wasn’t gonna do this justice. I hope it’s at least somewhat close. 🥺😫

Broken dreams

Playing a part was always hard. Fitting different masks. Making sure they didn’t slip. Always a smile. Always a careless, wild girl. But she just died last year. She was beaten. Broken to bits. Tossed aside. Left to die in that ally. To rot. Forgotten. Would anyone have come looking for you? Would have missed you? Grieved you? They killed the innocent girl that day. Left a broken shell of a woman in her way.

“Come on one more”, Nina pulled at your hand breathlessly. You quickly shoot her a smile, pushing the demons running in your mind aside. “We just sat down”, you chuckled while in reality, the idea of being up on your feet was making you want to turn to the side and vomit. “Oh, come on, we used to dance all night long, remember?”, she tossed her head back, downing her drink. “Jasper always steps on my toes, I need you to save me from that”, she cackled. Your eyes followed Jasper who was turning Wylan around. How much has everything changed in the time you were gone? It felt as if you no longer belonged. As if this version of you didn’t belong here anymore. “Are you feeling okay?”, Nina’s worried eyes watched you and you instantly nudged her, “Morning my freedom now that you’ve pretty much left your boyfriend for me”, you teased her. Happy to see her laugh. Off the hook then. “Lead the way”, you urged her. You could dance. Then down half the bottle of painkillers. Snatch one of the absolute bottles from Kaz’s drawer. It would work. You just had to pretend for a bit longer.

The pain was unbearable once you finally excused yourself. Sobbing the whole way back to the den. The agony felt like tongues of flames. No longer just in your legs. All over your body now. You slumped against the door. Letting yourself breathe. Trying to breathe. Only twenty sets of steps. It used to be only. Now it felt like twenty too many. Ot aggravated you. You wanted your body back. Wanted your freedom back. Wanted to be able to do things that others did. You just wanted it all to stop.

“Back early”, the voice makes you halt. Eyes growing big, you wipe your face before turning around, “Been a while since I drank so freely, Nina is also too persuasive”, you shoot a somewhat dazed smile at Kaz, who’s leaning against the the hallway arch. “You used to dance till early morning sun”, his words meet the target in a blind shot. Making your eyes sting once more. “You used to be more quiet. Don’t want to crawl back to your hole?”, it’s bitter. So bitter because he had learned to live with his pain. You were jealous of that. You had hoped that by watching him you would learn some tricks. How to navigate things that were easy once but brought you pain now. You learned to walk down the stairs because of him. Of watching him.

“You’ve changed”, Kaz’s eyes don’t leave you as he speaks. “Rich coming from you”, you let out a chuckle, locking the outside door. “You’re defensive”, he continues to push, “You were never defensive with me. We argued. You tested my patience but you never bit me”, you hear the sound of his cane, then the smooth steps. “Why are you biting me now, YN?”, Kaz asks. “Don’t make everything about yourself, Kaz”, you turned around swiftly, feeling your legs dip slightly beneath your weight. But you bite back the cry of pain, stepping forward. Hoping to escape him. But Kaz’s cane comes in front of you blocking your way.

“You don’t get to walk away”, he grunts, turning his head to you. “I’ll ask this once”, his voice low, lethal, “So take your time to think”. You can feel him. Feel his eyes when he asks, “Who hurt you?”. The anger takes flight within you. Sending traitorous tears falling down your cheeks, “If I have an idea they would be six feet under”. He had played his part. Made you open the throbbing wound up for him to see. “They captured me. Broke my knees. I couldn’t…”, the words tumble freely, as you hide your face in your palms. “Why didn’t you say anything?”, his tone is blank, emotionless.

“What was I supposed to say?”, you crock out in frustration, “I was worthless then. I was of no use”. Kaz clenches his jaw, “So you hide the truth from me?”. You can’t help but growl in frustration, “I did the job you gave me. I got you what you wanted, what else do you want from me for fuck sake”.

And it’s a matter of heartbeats as your back hits the wall, Kaz’s cane now pressed against your chest, “I don’t give a fuck about the job”, he spats, veins visible in his tense neck now. “We could have gotten you a good doctor, could have…”, he grunts, “Did anyone look at the injury at all?”. You look at him for a moment. You could lie but what’s the point? “Some passing by a doctor”, you admit, “Fixed what he was able to, wished me luck, and left”.

Kaz shakes his head as he steps back, “How bad is the pain?”, “You want to bask in it?”, you clip right at him. “I should throw you out. Make you pay for ruining your own body so carelessly”, he hisses, “Legally you are mine. I own you. So your legs are mine to worry about”. You scoff, “How sweet of you, my gods”. Kaz’s gloved hand catches your jaw, the touch starts you both it seems. “I’m mad at you because you should have spoken up. I would have helped you. Would have dropped everything and made my way to you”, Kaz snarls through gritted teeth, “You’re starting physical therapy from tomorrow. That’s an order”, he steps back, pulls at his west. You blink up at him, knowing that you should say something. Anything. He would have come to you. But was it true? “If you ever pull anything like this ever again…”, Kaz doesn’t finish but you know well what his words imply, “I’ll see you in the morning at my office. Think well about the features of people who attacked”.

[cordeliawhohung]

i've got this weird push and pull going on in my brain about pet!au because there seems to be a lot of people who are really banking on simon and bonnie getting along eventually or expressing that they really want them to but this isn't supposed to be a good story this is supposed to be a horror story and i'm worried about entertaining too many "what if" ideas and putting that precedent out there and drowning out what i'm actually trying to write alsjdflskdjf

[totothewolff]

Season of Love (6/?)

+18 | Toto x reader fem!teamprincipal, romance, comedy, and some good drama.

Summary: One night on a pier in Monaco, while admiring the sea under the night skies, you tell Toto: "I came to the conclusion that love is simply not meant for me." That's the answer to a question you have been asking yourself for the longest time. But what if he proved you wrong? Author's note: This is a multichapter Toto Wolff x team principal reader fic set along a season of F1. It's a very immersive story full of drivers, team dynamics, races, mystery, and smut. You just bought the Williams team, but nobody really knows who you truly are.

< Previous chapter | Masterlist | Next chapter >

Dances with Wolff Arc Chapter 6: Collision at Turn "Your Heart"

UK

Sam and Toto go to the Soft Serve Society in London the following day to have milkshakes. They share a sizeable Instagram-able shake, asking for two straws instead of one. 

The place is intimate and small, perfect for chatting. Its location in a trendy neighborhood gives Sam the ideal excuse to pull that Thom Browne boyish suit out of her suitcase.

As Sam is asking for two matcha cookies to complement their order, she notices Toto smiling like an idiot at his iPhone screen.

—Wow, that time you two spent apart did wonders for your relationship. I thought it was a "cease and desist" situation, as if there wouldn't be a turning point, but I haven't seen you like this in a long time.

—How? —Toto moves his gaze to Sam, a bit perplexed.

—Stupidly in love. So you two are genuinely back?

—Oh, that... well, we are trying this open relationship thing. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about it.

Sam gives him a judgy look, her eyebrows slightly frowning. —Let me guess. Susie suggested it; you said no, then she pressured you, and you followed along. There is no need to explain further; I get it.

Toto shrugs and barely nods his head.

—It's always what Susie wants, isn't it? You are so blind sometimes —she sounds now annoyed.

—I thought you, of all people, would get it. You see love differently than in the traditional way. Preferences aside, you are more free regarding feelings and partners.

—Yes, yet I'm not into playing with other people's feelings. 

—I'm not being played or playing with her feelings.

—To which one of the two hers are you referring?

A silence.

It's the first time Sam addresses the elephant in the room. 

—Listen, I don't want to overstep, and God knows I don't want to get in the middle; I love you both; yes, I said that, and stop smiling like that, but for fuck sake, you two need to communicate and talk! LIKE TALK! I know it's not my place, and I have tried to remain as neutral as possible, but I genuinely care about Y/N; there's more you need to know about each other because this thing is going to blow in your faces the worst way.

—What's on this? Is this really happening? You telling me how you are feeling? —Toto picks up the shake to smell it, making a funny face and trying to lighten the mood. He also avoids giving Sam an answer but pays attention to her every word.

—Oh, fuck off —Sam pushes him a bit roughly.

—Sugar sure is a drug! —Toto's holding a laugh.

-

—How did your day out with Toto go?

—How do you know we went out? Stalker!

In response, you give Sam an exaggerated insulted expression (hand over your chest and open wide mouth). —He texted me when you two were at the ice cream place! He even sent me these pictures! —you show her the conversation. —By the way, that outfit of yours is CUTE!

—Oh! It was you then —she says quickly and softly.

—Sorry? —you look at Sam as if another head grew from her neck.

—Oh, nothing. Toto didn't mention anything. He was just smiling like an idiot and giggling like a teenager, looking all in love at his phone screen.

—All what? Sam, what you said?! —you feel your heart in your throat.

—Did you follow my advice? —she cuts your shenanigans.

—I tried to follow it and address our "situation," but he rushed to get wine. He ran from the conversation, and I didn't feel like having it much, either. I knew how it was going to end.

—Well, keep pushing, trust me.

—Is there something I should worry about? —you suddenly stop and look straight at her.

—It's not my place to tell —Sam answers neutrally.

Then you two board your jet with directions home, your new home, Monaco. 

Now, thanks to Sam's words, an eerie sentiment fills your head. Is she trying to warn you something?

-

It's a quiet flight; well, if it wasn't for Samanta's snoring, not even an English Bulldog snores that loud. 

Which makes you laugh hard; you have forgotten how terrible Sam sleeps. 

It's been a while since you two slept nearby, which was the most common thing for all those years you lived at the Manor.

You have always been very much like sisters.

You take out your phone and start recording a video of Sam sound asleep with T-rex arms, open mouth, and loudly snoring, all weirdly placed on the comfy, big seat next to you.

-

Monaco

Why, every time you land in Monaco, your mind is in desperate need of a Toto detox?

-

As soon as you are in the car ride home, you hit the send button on the "Get a grip, loca🏎!" group chat.

After you share the video of Sam sleeping, a long list of replies and reactions appear in the group.

She threatens to murder you in your sleep.

-

Two nights after being back, when Charles enters the apartment wearing the world's most oversized outfit while trying to juggle four bottles of wine - one held under his chin - and a big fancy grocery bag while avoiding stepping on "Robbie" - your Roomba robot - you feel so at home; this couldn't be a more domestic scene for you two before you rush to help him.

Never mind, too late! Now, the kitchen floor looks like a crime scene. 

God, how much you missed him! Keeping your friendship while hiding it from the rest of the Scuderia has been difficult. 

Ferrari is a hermetic group that likes it that way; being extra friendly with the enemy could cost Charles' head, thanks to Binotto's paranoia.

—FUCK! FUCK AND FUCK! —he lets out, looking at the now red floor, followed by various French cursings coming out of that pouty mouth. 

—At least the other three survived —you hear Sam say, entering behind him and holding two more bottles and a cake.

—Several bottles of wine and lots of food. This is an intervention for me, isn't it? —you ask, looking at them suspiciously.

Both of them energetically nod.

—We need to talk about Bruno —Charles jokes; he obviously means Toto while grabbing the paper towel on the kitchen counter to try cleaning his mess, which is as useless as you expected.

—Damn —is all you let out.

At some point, Charles gives up and prefers leaving a fat tip and a Post-it for Rosita when she comes clean tomorrow morning.

-

—Hi, I have a quick question: How much do you weigh?

A text from Toto comes in the early hours of the day as you are about to hit the treadmill in your luxurious building's training center. You rushed down there, unable to sleep a second more.

After the intervention, you comprehend lots of things need to change.

—(Y/N's weight), why? —you reply. 

It's still dark outside.

Only you and three others are alone in the enormous gym section, which feels quiet and isolated, perfect for decompressing. 

Apparently, when Toto and you are apart, you are both early birds. It's always a snooze fest when you two are tangled in sheets. Probably, it's because he makes the world's most fabulous pillow or because he loves having you wrapped in his arms.

Judging by his text's unusual hours, he may be overthinking it too. Lately, you have felt driven to exercise earlier in the morning as well to avoid losing your sanity.

A couple of minutes later, a video of Toto adjusting the weight of his barbells to your weight before doing a couple of hip thrusts comes as a reply.

You watch the video a couple of times, okay, several times, before hitting the reply button. —I can help you do some repetitions if you want; I know a very effective routine! My trainer also advised me I needed more cardio —you tease him, feeling a tingle down there, hehe. 

Fuck! You are falling for it again, and you just swore to Sam and Charles that there would be no Toto during this break!

As Toto reads your text, a pleased smirk forms on his lips, and then he exhales and returns to exercise. 

He shouldn't be feeling this desperate for your attention. It has been only the first week without seeing you.

The way you have turned his life upside down is unimaginable.

-

—Your girl is in town! —Normani sends a selfie of herself in the group chat, throwing a pose on the Monaco pier, looking flawless and stylish in a two-piece Casablanca outfit (an orange thee with colorful stripes and shorty shorts and pulling the coolest glasses) while blowing a kiss. —Let's hang out tonight!😈😈

—OH, I KNOW JUST THE PLACE —Lando writes back.

—Italy.

Several "???" appear.

—I'm in Italy —Seb clarifies.

Now, it makes sense.

—Someone needs to help Seb with this, really —George says.

—Let's take him to one of those free classes at the Apple store, you know, with the senior citizens —Checo jokes. —I'm with Carola's parents and the kids in Guadalajara, so we are out of the fun this time.

—Tell Carola I love her —you request Checo.

—I will, thx.

—I don't wish for an apple, thank you —Seb replies.

—Dear God —Lewis texts.

—Jk! Jk! I'm not that inept, and I'm not yet a senior citizen, but soon, 2032 let's go! —Seb exits the conversation.

—Lando, send the location —Lewis texts. —That's great to know, Seb. I'm already saving for our turbo wheelchairs to challenge you in races at the retirement home.

—There, see you guys at 1 a.m.

—I want to live enough to witness that, Lewis —Mick enters the conversation.

—This club looks like a shithole! I don't wish for my organs to get stolen —Charles points out after looking for the place on Google Maps; it's only a run-down facade photo of the place in a not-that-neat street.

—Trust me, you are going to love it —Lando comments.

—Is it private? —Lewis asks. —Cause last time we went out in London, getting us out of there was a nightmare.

—That's precisely why I'm suggesting this place!

—Spain.

—I'm in Spain —Carlos texts, mocking Seb. —Have fun without me, guys, even though I don't think you can. Send pictures. I miss you, my friends.

—Te extraño, too🙇‍♀️ —you reply, Carlos, you have become fond of him.

—🥰🥰 —Carlos sends.

—I'm liking this sketchy, mysterious place already —Sam joins in.

—Sam, is Millie still in town? —you ask her, you met Millie for brunch two days ago.

—No, I already left 😭😭😭. Mick invited me to hike in Patagonia—a photo of them out in nature follows her text. 

—Okay, the ones who are going, please send a hands-up emoji; I'm booking the table —Lando texts.

-

You make your way through the winding streets of Monaco on Charles' bike at full speed; you are sure you flashed at least four people with that party mini dress you are wearing as you head to the mysterious nightclub. 

As soon as you park, you agree with Charles that it looks like a sketchy part of town, but the faint sound of pulsing music and the flickering lights emanating from a door down a narrow corridor between two buildings right in front of you quickly distract you and guides you in.

Soon, as you enter and go down the long stairs, you are immediately enveloped in a world of luxury "decadence." 

The atmosphere is electric, and the air is heavy with the scent of exotic perfumes. 

—It smells like good sex —is what Lando tells you as he greets you, looking at your two "trying to discover the scent" faces.

The walls are decorated with striking artwork, each more provocative and daring than the last.

For sure, this place is the stage for many wild escapades.

As almost everyone gets there, the group is drawn to the center of the club, near where the main stage, lit up with swirling lights and seductive, almost naked dancers. 

Your table in the VIP area "it has the best location in the place", again, according to Lando.

As you sit next to Nomani, who gave you the world's greatest greeting hug, you get mesmerized by the hypnotic rhythm of the music and the dancers' graceful motions. 

You get transfixed, unable to tear your eyes away from them. Gorgeous he/she/they are on the stage.

—Beer, gin, what are we drinking? —Normani asks you.

—Tequila —you answer too quickly for her and Sam's amusement.

—Tequila, it is! —she says loudly and makes a little dance, shaking the girls around. The more than happy waiter witnesses it before getting the bottle.

You pour everyone a shot to start the night. Lewis just arrived, and George is running late as usual.

—Can you smell it? —you ask everyone.

A couple of "What?" come along.

—The regret —you joke as you all take the shot.

The group then goes full party core, joining the pulsating dance floor and losing themselves in the music. 

Laughter and shouts fill the air as the exotic dancers approach you and the crowd to exchange some sensual moves.

Amidst the chaos and allure of the night, Toto arrives. Unexpectedly.

Charles and Sam instantly look at you, almost throwing you darts.

—I swear to God I didn't invite him!

George did.

-

As alcohol skyrockets Lando, he starts doing push-ups for you in the middle of the dance floor as a techno-dub mix of Olivia Newton John's and Dua Lipa's "Physical" starts playing while he looks straight at you.

—Is that supposed to impress me? —you raise an eyebrow, cross your arms, and lean on Lewis, who is also witnessing the action.

—Is it working?

—Never stop believing in your dreams —you laugh it off, and Toto playfully rolls his eyes at him, then winks at you.

"Oh, God, I'm weak! I'm not going to resist the temptation."

—The dancer with the jockstrap hasn't taken his eyes off you the entire night —Toto points out for Normani, gesturing to which one he refers.

Normani makes a "definitely wouldn't mind" expression. —Too bad I don't do one-night stands —she confesses.

—Like ever? —Lewis looks at her like she is from Mars.

—Hopeless romantic right here! —Normi answers. —I like to party, but I'm so old-fashioned. Thanks, Mom!

—What a classy lady, indeed! —George says.

—It's my Britishness britishing —she jokes. —I want a husband, a big house in the countryside, horses and babies, you know, the traditional.

—Like, literally, this is the worst place to discuss family! —Sam warns them with a "Don't kill the mood, guys" look.

—The worst! —you all burst out laughing.

—I'm not sure if she is messing with us or..? —Lando comes closer to saying to Charles.

—No, really! It's my biggest wish. I can't wait to be a mom! —Normani lets out. 

—But you are so young! —everyone looks so shocked at her. Quite the revelation!

—I KNOW, but I want four! So, I better hurry up.

—FOUR?!! —everyone kind of screams in response.

Normani looks at them with a big smile, happy with the chaos her confession is causing.

—I get you, girl. I do love one myself; I have wanted to be a mom for years now. I feel I'm close to adopting one, but I need to do something with my schedule first. It would be impossible with a baby!

Toto listens to your conversation, very quiet and still, looking as if something inside him broke.

-

—Hey, I want to talk to you privately. I have something important to tell you; it's been on my mind for a while —Toto approaches you to whisper in your ear.

—Oh, sure, yeah —you agree to. "Okay, breathe, the moment it's coming."

When you reach a quiet spot to talk without all the people buzzing around, the loud background noises, and the almost butt-naked performers, you two remain there in an awkward silence for a minute.

Toto looks like he wants to say something but doesn't, so you break the ice first, feeling your hands shaking a bit.

—So what do you want to tell me that's so important?

He looks straight at you and takes two steps to close the distance between you. —Ahem, so... so what are you planning for... for the off-season? —he takes you off guard.

"Okay, this is not what I was expecting."

—I... I don't know... yet.

—Maybe we could spend it together. I know a private island that would be perfect —Toto offers you, totally improvising.

—Oh, I see...

—I mean... if you want to.

—No, no, of course, I want to!

—Perfect, then —he says, his voice deep. Toto then takes your hand, and you're surprised by the warmth from his touch.

"Coward" "Selfish" is all Toto thinks for himself. "But I don't want to lose her. I need her just a bit more. I don't know how to quit her."

—What do you say if we continue this conversation somewhere even more private? —Toto invites you, his intense dark eyes piercing right through you. 

Before you have time to respond, he takes your hand and leads you toward the exit at the back of the place and into his car.

Soon, you arrive at his luxurious penthouse, abandoning almost all of your party clothes in the process. 

You glance around the dimly lit living room, admiring its opulence. The walls are decorated with fine art, and the scent of wealth lingers in every corner.

Toto, already bare-chested, removes the rest of his clothes, revealing himself. You can't help but stare at his toned abs, defined muscles, and delicious dick. 

He smirks, noticing your admiration, and pushes you closer to the sofa. It creaks softly under your weight as he sits you down, eyes locked onto each other.

—You're stunning —Toto says while tracing his fingers down your body as you remove your last piece of clothing.

Your pulse quickens at his touch, and you move in, pressing your lips hard against his.

Toto's tongue sneaks its way between your parted lips as he pulls your naked body close to his. You moan softly.

Slowly, he leans back onto the plush pillows, taking you with him. Your bodies intertwine in a passionate embrace, enjoying the heat from his broad chest into you as you run your hands all over him, feeling every inch of Toto pressing against your core.

He grabs you by the hips, grinding you against him forcefully, causing an excited whimper to escape your lips. You can't help but crave his every single inch.

Sliding yourself lower, you feel him harden beneath you. —Fuck, you're so hard —you whisper into his ear as you stroke his length up and down. 

Toto flips you onto your back, not letting you control the show yet, spreading your legs wide. He effortlessly glides both of his hands beneath your ass, lifting you up like you weigh nothing.

His left-hand squeezes your ass cheek possessively while his right supports your lower back. Then Toto lowers his mouth to your inner thigh, his tongue trailing a path of wetness up to your core, where he tastes you. 

You gasp, your breath hitching whenever his tongue flicks your clit.

Plunging his tongue deep inside you, he tastes the sweetness of your essence. Moving back up to your clit, he sucks hard, provoking you to tremble under the pleasure.

Your fingers entangle his thick hair, tugging and pushing as waves of delight roll over your body. 

Toto stares at your swollen clit and massages it gently, building an almost unbearable tension in the pit of your stomach before he slides first one finger, then two inside of you, feeling you tighten around them as he moves them in deliberate circles.

—What the fuck, you feel incredible —he mumbles against your folds. He increases his pace, sucking harder, flicking faster until you are shuddering against him, gasping for breath, about to break apart.

Your vision gets blurry as an involuntary moan escapes your lips.

—I'm so fucking close —you cry out, inarticulate with pleasure. Toto looks up and climbs back up your body, kissing and nipping at your soft flesh as he goes up until his thighs are between yours.

—You want me to make you come, don't you? —he whispers seductively, nibbling on your earlobe.

You nod, biting your lip. You need Toto to fill you, to end this unbearable craving he had built inside you.

—Please, Toto —you beg, thrusting your hips upward. A desperate whimper tears from your throat when your sexes don't meet.

Toto chuckles softly, smirking at your desperation. —Then fuck me —he murmurs, placing you on top of him, inviting you to ride him right there, inviting you to guide him inside of you. —Fuck me hard.

The feeling of him filling you up, inch by inch, sends waves of ecstasy through your body. —Oh, god, yes —you moan, encouraging him deeper.

Your bodies move together in perfect harmony as you ride waves of pleasure. Toto grunts and groans with each bounce, whispering obscenities in your ear as you cowgirl him with an arched back, panting heavily. Wetness pools between you as your sweat-slicked bodies slap together rhythmically.

Toto grabs your hands and pins them behind your back, changing the angle of his thrusts. He hits a spot deep within you that sends shivers down your spine, producing a guttural moan from your lips. 

He smirks at the sound and repeats the action, watching your reaction with fascination.

—Fuuck —you cry out, every muscle tensing as your fingers curl into fists. 

Toto continues to plow into you, each thrust harder and deeper than the last, making your tits bounce without control, making you a mess. 

You look down at him to see your bodies moving in a slick rhythm, leaving trails of sweat and lust on your skin. He looks wild, eyes burning with desire and mouth parted in a low growl as the scent of sex permeates the air around you.

You whimper as he releases one of your wrists, allowing you to wrap your hand around your breast. Your fingers tease your sensitive nipple, sending a fresh wave of sensation flooding through you.

Toto watches you touch yourself, entranced by the movement of your hand on your breast as his thrusts become erratic.

—Fuck, you're so goddamn beautiful —he mutters roughly, his hips slamming into yours hard. The sound of your bodies colliding resonates throughout the room, mixing with your erratic breathing. 

—You like that? —Toto asks, smirking at your eager expression. You feel yourself getting closer to the edge, ready to burst at any moment.

Toto's dark eyes pierce into you, watching every twitch of your face and every moan of breath.

His thrusts become more deliberate, each one pressing into your womb.

—Fuckkk —Toto groans loudly, struggling to contain himself. His muscles tense as he gives it to you very fast; sweat drips down his face, onto his chest, and you.

—Toto! —you moan very loud as you come all over his dick.

—I need you —he confesses to you as he is about to come. You bounce hard and desperately on his cock, till you hear him grunting loud; a mess of panting Toto fills you up.

-

Ferrari's big anniversary is coming up next weekend, and they are set to throw the biggest party ever, a very fancy gala that will take place in Rome, or so Charles discloses to you.

—I'm actually excited for this one! —then he turns to show you the jewelry bracelet he likes before trying it on while cheerfully chit-chatting.

—This one is more your style, I like it better —you agree with his pick, as you two are out shopping.

While the sales lady adjusts it to his wrist measurements, Charles continues telling you: —This party has been in the making for so long, and all the rumors we have been hearing about it from the planners keep getting better; it honestly sounds so good!

You attentively listen to him while trying on a set of butterfly diamond earrings. Yes, you need them.

He continues: —I really wish I could take you like my plus one! But I'm taking my mom; I promised her way before meeting you.

—Oh, sweetie, no worries! But do tell me more about it. Sounds fabulous.

—Well, it will be very VIP, with only big clients, a couple of A-lister celebrities, and influential motorsports people. There's a lot of gossip about what or who will be the entertainment.

—I guess I'm not part of the big names of motorsports yet because I haven't been invited, haha. Mattia doesn't like me, isn't it?

—He is not your biggest fan, but almost no one has been invited; as far as I know, it's just the Scuderia and people Mattia considers his "paddock friends." —Charles gestures with his hands. —And some special guests with a history with the brand, like Niki. He is going! I know because Sam is his plus one; she told me yesterday.

—Maybe I should buy Ferrari to party with you at that fabulous event —you laugh it off as you sign the check for the earrings.

—And to party with Niki —Charles adds, joking.

—I heard he goes hard! —you joke back. Nowadays, if Niki stays up after 10 p.m., he considers it a wild night, in his words.

-

As you are about to finish your grilled salmon at that gorgeous "Gaia" restaurant in Monte Carlo, your phone buzzes on top of the white mantelpiece, grabbing your attention.

—Didn't you lose something?

—Not that I know.

—How weird, cause I have this plus one ticket with your name on it.

—Haha. You got me!

—Feeling like going to a fancy party in Rome?

—A getaway trip to Italy? SIGN ME UP! —you happily reply, already thinking about what you will wear.

-

Rome

As the sun descended over the iconic Roman Colosseum, flashing cameras lit the red carpet at the ancient structure's entrance. 

Sleek Ferraris pull up, each more luxurious than the previous, dropping the celebrities and high-profile guests off to make their grand entrances, dressed in the most glamorous outfits and adorned in shining jewels. 

Amidst all that circus, you two stay on the sidelines, watching the spectacle unfold before quietly skipping the paparazzi and splitting apart to enter the temporarily built ballroom.

—Surprise! —you extend your arms to Leclerc; he is now fresh off the red carpet, the one you avoid to keep it as discreet as possible.

A prominent smile forms on the lips of the Monagesque. —We could have shared the flight here, you know! Instead of you flying here all by yourself —Charles rolls his eyes at you and then hugs you. —I really believed you when you said you didn't get invited. You got me!

"But I didn't fly by myself!" You want to correct him on that, but you don't.

Inside, the atmosphere is as opulent as outside. Red lights illuminate the ancient structure, and lavish decorations adorn every table set. Cirque du Soleil performers move gracefully through the crowds, dazzling costumes twirling and shimmering as they entertain the guests with their mesmerizing acts.

You take in all the sights and sounds of the extravagant gala surrounding you, where motorsport legends mingle with billionaires, entertainers, engineers, celebrities, and beautiful models. 

Laughter, loud music, and chatter fill the air, along with the clinking of champagne glasses.

-

After having a blast dancing around, chatting, and goofing an hour later, you go to look for Sam, knowing she must be somewhere around. 

But the place is enormous, the crowd is big, and no luck so far; she is nowhere to be seen.

You get tired of searching for her and go to the bathroom. By this point, you have had many drinks, "Damn, that waiting line is long!"

As you try to find something to entertain you while you wait, you start scanning the place with your eyes, observing every gorgeous detail, when the silhouette of a beautiful blond woman steals your attention. Four girls in front of you in the line, there is Susie.

She is as beautiful as you expected her to be in person but more petite; she looks fit and fierce but kind. You can't help but stare at her before wondering what she is doing here. Then a "Duh! Idiot! She is a big name in motorsports!" hits you.

-

As you return to your table from grabbing chocolate-covered strawberries a bit later, you run into Sam.

She stares at you with the widest eyes ever, completely surprised. —What? —she lets out, standing still.

—Surprise! —you reach to hug her. —I have been looking for you all damn night! —she barely hugs you, and your big smile starts to fade away. —Is all good? —you ask, concern while looking straight at her.

—I'm so sorry, Y/N. I genuinely am —she mumbles. Samanta's features are full of dismay.

—Sam, you are worrying me.

She gestures to you to turn around.

"Oh, there is that feeling you remember so well." 

That awful fucking feeling of getting your heart shattered. Like a bullet going through the flesh, a sting of pure pain as if your heart was glass and was getting crushed by a hammer, pure and profound pain as you watch Susie wrapped around Toto's neck with no inch of space in between them, standing by the Mercedes guest table, sharing soft kisses and pets. 

Yet you are so skilled at hiding your feelings that it requires an expert - like Sam - to figure you out.

With a neutral face, you faintly say: —I need a moment.

—Y/N... I will go with you...

—I need a moment, I... I need to get fresh air. I will be right back —you start walking in the opposite direction to them, and Sam follows your every step.

—Y/N. I'm here for you...

—I'll be back, Sam. I need a moment, please —you make her stop following you around. So she contains herself and watches you walk away, worried about you. 

Sam knows your mental health hangs from a fragile thread.

-

—I want a Tequila and tonic with three tequila shots in it, please —Samanta brusquely drops herself on her seat at the Mercedes guest table and asks the waiter for a heavy drink.

—That would be two, please. You have learned from the master herself. Where is she, tho? I spotted Y/N and was going to greet her, but I got distracted by a sexy lady asking for a selfie. Now I don't know where she went to —Lewis asks while looking around, trying to spot you among the crowds.

The music is loud, so conversing is challenging if you aren't near enough.

—She's outside chatting with Vettel —Charles inserts himself in the conversation between a pissed-off Sam and a clueless Lewis, arriving a bit rushed at the table and placing himself between their two chairs.

—Hi mate! —Lewis pats his arm, and half hugs him while still sitting. Charles rubs his shoulder in response.

—Hey, Sam. I made the changes you suggested to my speech. Do you approve? —Leclerc hands her a folded piece of paper; "She is out there crying" is written in big caps.

Sam and Charles exchange warry looks.

—It's perfect. I will help you practice it.

—Great idea, let's g...

A loud "ow" sound from the crowd interrupts them. A tray hits the floor loudly, followed by glasses breaking. It's all coming from far on their left. 

They all turn their heads toward the noise, as does almost everyone in the entire place.

—I'm so so sorry! Oh my god! I'm an idiot! Please forgive me! —a very distraught and nervous Vettel apologizes frantically to you. 

He accidentally crashed into the waiter holding a tray of wine glasses as he crossed paths with you, the ones that landed all over you, fucking up your dress, before smashing on the floor. 

Which made poetic sense since you felt wounded, and now you looked like it.

You could sense Toto's eyes burning into you. You weren't supposed to be there.

Lewis gets on his feet. —Jesus, poor Y/N —and he notices how Toto looks utterly shaken by seeing you here and looking whiter than a ghost, and at that moment, he gets it. Fuck.

—Seb, Seb, SEB! —you raise your voice as Vettel keeps apologizing and talking nonstop. —It's okay, sweetie. No worries; I will go change! It's all okay.

—I'm sorry. Please forgive me; let me escort you out. It's the least I can do.

—Okay. Fine —you finally agree, looking a bit done with Seb.

You two start walking to the exit, which is all the other way around for your fucking luck. As you depart, you can hear the people whispering and staring at you. 

A frozen Toto watches you walk past them, and you can't help it; for the briefest moment, you make eye contact with him before Vettel blocks the view.

—Sebastian Vettel, you are a good man —Sam whispers.

—What? —Charles reaches even closer to her.

—Y/N is not coming back. Seb was her exit out. 

—Was that on purpose?!!

—Yes. That's why you saw them talking out there, for sure.

—Are they that close? Since when? I had no fucking clue.

—Since Y/N set foot on the paddock —Sam replies, knowing the whole story. —She's an expert at hiding in plain sight.

—Should we check on her? —Lewis turns to them, still on his feet, looking tense.

—Y/N will be fine; she always is —Sam says aloud for the entire table to hear. She can feel Toto's eyes on her but doesn't care to look back at him.

-

Vettel takes you inside a black-tinted Suburban. As the chauffeur speeds away from the Colosseum, he holds your hand and never lets it go.

Seb asks you to stay at his place so he can care for you and keep you company, and you agree.

You two cuddle in the back seat while you cry in his arms all the ride to his place. 

It's a long one.

You don't know if it's because your heart is shattering into a million pieces, or because you feel vulnerable right now, or just cause Seb is such a kind and precious being that you pour all out. 

You let him know everything, every single fucking detail about your fling with Torger and how you feel right now. You had never been so forthcoming with anyone about this, not even Sam.

—I'm so sorry about how the night turned out; I invited you as my plus-one with the idea of having the best time. I wish I had known all of this before! Finding it out this way, gosh, that's harsh —Seb tells you, with a mixture of mortification and sadness.

—You aren't the one who should apologize! Hey, at least we had a good time on the flight here. Thanks to you, now I want to build hundreds of hotels for the bees.

He smiles brightly before adding: —Right now, you need to rest and feel, let it all out of your system, and tomorrow start new! I'm here for you.

—Thanking for acting out that exit; you deserve an Oscar.

—I have been mistaken for Brad Pitt before, you know —he jokes to try to make you smile, but it's in vain. —You are a good actress, too.

-

You crash on his couch. Barely making it inside, collapsing as soon as you cross the entrance door, feeling drained.

You have experienced the "heart broke syndrome" before and know how it goes, so you needed to lie down ASAP.

-

After God knows how many minutes since you blacked out on the sofa, you hear a noise above you. You slightly and a bit unwillingly open your eyes to see Seb covering you with a remarkably soft blanket that feels so delicious. He drops a puffy pillow on the rug beside you and lays himself down there next to the couch.

You move to face him as he gets comfy there on the floor. —What are you doing?

—Oh, shit, did I wake you up? I'm staying here if you don't mind —he looks at you with apprehension in those stunning eyes.

—You are the sweetest —you tell him as you slowly drift off, exhausted.

As you fall asleep again, you understand now why Lewis dared risk it all for Seb and start wondering what happened to those two.

-

You wake up disoriented and feeling anxious. 

It's still dark. 

Seb is profoundly asleep and relaxed in the blueish-tinted living room, with the moonlight sneaking through the large windows. 

You stay there, unable to sleep but with zero energy to move. You observe his breathing, which weirdly helps you soothe yourself when suddenly, your phone screen lights up, stealing your gaze.

You try to reach for it since Seb placed your purse and phone on the coffee table at arm's distance before going to look for an oversized T-shirt that could work you as pajamas. 

It's a simple text from Toto. "Can I please talk to you?"

As you navigate your phone, you notice many missed calls from Sam, Charles, and Lewis.

Well, now it's clear communication and sincerity weren't your thing. You weren't one of those couples. 

Were you even a couple?

"Maybe it's best this way," is all you reply to him before turning your phone off.

Tears start coming down again as your phone screen dims and fades to black again.

-

The following day, Seb offers you to stay for as long as you wish, and you will take his word for it.

You don't feel like returning to the city you share with Toto; it's way too risky for you to be in Monaco. 

You need time to compose yourself. A lot is about to happen soon, and you need to be at your best. You can't fail. To be continued... < Previous chapter | Masterlist | Next chapter >

[theinheriteddutchess]

Spoiler, to be sure.

About blue eye samurai:

Mizu, our hero, starts with an emotional load immediately. Being bullied and cast out.

A boy with no one that cares for it. (As the people around him like to refer to him, a monster, a demon)

But I already had my suspicions quickly, and it turned out to be true, he's a she.

Now I know there's going to be a lot of talk about gender fluidity, I understand, but it is never stated she feels like a man. She is forced to live as a man, first by her mother, than by society because it is safer for her as a man, to get her revenge. She won't go far portaying as a woman.

Not in any way has it been said or expressed she wants to be a man, feels like a man. It is also not stated she likes being a woman, because lets face it, being a woman is tough in a society where you're seen as lesser, where it is said you're either a wife or a whore. Mizu is someone who is made to feel she shouldn't exist, and I believe she might've never thought about what she wanted 'to be', but just to survive and have her revenge.

She isn't much interested in living persé, falling in love, having friends, having peace is all secundairy to her at this point.

Now it can all change... I still need to see the last episode and I feel at this point this story isn't finished, but until anything is said or showed, all I see is a woman who has to hide herself in any way to be.

So I'm fine with any discussions and any take, I know it's important to have a character you can relate to, that paves the way to acceptance, but I also know how people act and while I love opinions, I feel it's sometimes sad when that is taken as a fact, or that somehow the idea (the wish?) is taking the center stage and anyone with a different opinion or stated facts get pushed aside.

Can we for now see the character for how she is? Struggling to live in a world that wants to erase her?

(I really don't want to insult or offend anyone, I just think we should take her for who she is)

Anyway I love this show! And I love mizu.

[kerizaret]

Hello everyone and welcome once again to my brain! Today I want to ramble a bit about

✨️ Tsukasa and Rakunosuke (Emu's grandpa) parallels ✨️

Because I feel like we don't talk about them much. Or at all actually

Now, I'm not pulling this out of nowhere. It's quite literally stated at least once, outright, in the game, that Tsukasa is really similar to Emu's grandpa (or even twice – but the other time I'm unsure 100% whether its about Tsukasa specifically, which I'll get to later). That's not to mention the other little things throughout the stories that I think similar between the two

So here's just some thoughts I've had on the topic after rewatching some events, more or less cohesive

1) Tsukasa's PXL auditon & WMS speech

Starting at the very beginning, we've known ever since the wxs main story that there's something in Tsukasa that has drawn Emu in to him already the first time she's ever saw him, at his audition for PXL, which made her hire him herself. She says "found you" at that moment, as if she's been searching for someone exactly like him. Out of all the possible candidates who applied who she might've seen, why Tsukasa specifically?

It could be just about him boasting about making fantastic shows, which of course is a part of it. But I feel like this isn't all, that there was something else that she noticed, that maybe she didn't fully realise at that moment

Then later, in Wonder Magical Showtime, after Tsukasa's motivational speech, Emu specifically thinks back to that audition and how she felt something special there. And, most importantly, she thinks it as if she's talking to her grandpa – like he's somehow tied to it, to her realisation that Tsukasa is the one

Putting aside the fact they were fighting for Rakunosuke's park, which obviously makes Emu think back to him, there's something more. Emu doesn't think anything of the sort about Rui, even though he was the one who came up with the night show, or about Nene. Nor did she mention any kind of this strong feeling/conviction about having them on the Wonder Stage in the main story

She's focused on Tsukasa, because he's the one that brought all these people together and gave them the last push they needed to fight for PXL. He's the one they listen to, he who understands what this park was all about and why they need to save it. He's standing on the stage her grandpa built, looking at all those people working here, and he's leading them, telling them this dream CAN be made a reality and it's more important than anything else

And I feel like she could have looked at that and been reminded of her grandpa a bit, with how much he loved the park he built and brought people together with the same ideals and love and made dreams come true

2) Miles

Speaking of WMS, I'm sure we all remember Miles, the sorcerer Tsukasa played in the night show in WMS, and how he was a character very clearly based on Rakunosuke. It's not very surprising it's Tsks who got this role, but it's still interesting to me. It feels like no-one else would've been able to get this character right and neither would Emu as Shao with someone else playing Miles

I won't get into what "Miles" Tsukasa says in the play, because that's just the script and not a representation of Tsukasa himself, but I do want to draw attention to the specific scene where Emu's father is watching the night show and looks at Tsukasa, then says this:

This is the first time that – i suspect – Tsukasa is outright "stated" to be like Rakunosuke. Here I say "suspected" since I'm not 100% sure of it for two reasons. One of them being that as we know, the ensekai translation is sometimes often bad. For that I looked up the original text as well as an old translation of the event on YT to check for differences

The line ends up being similar in meaning, more or less, but a bit more vague. That also ties to my second doubt though, which is that Emu's father might be referring not to Tsukasa himself, per se, but rather to the character of Miles he's playing

I feel like both can make sense, in their own way (and the event is a Tsukasa focus for a reason, too), but for here I'm throwing it more as a hint than any kind of outright proof. Food for thought

3) Tsukasa and Rakunosuke's deams

Then, as we reach Popping in my Heart! and learn more of Rakunosuke from Riley's pov, there's another interesting thing that pops up. That is, the fact that Tsukasa and Rakunosuke share the same dream

And then, that's when Emu confirms what I've talked about before – that this whole time, she's felt something about Tsukasa being so reminding of her Grandpa

So Tsukasa has all this time "carried the same spirit" as Rakunosuke – which is possibly the reason why Emu has been feeling strangely drawn to him from the beginning

4) The Wonderland SEKAI

Hey. Hey. Remember this line?

(tl by tsukasa's #3 fan on YT)

Yeah, this one. The same reason why wxs even has "Wonderlands" in their troupe name

You know what else has Wonderland in its name?

That's right! Tsukasa's SEKAI!

Tsukasa's SEKAI. A different world that's created from his feelings, that's a place born from his desire to make everyone smile with his shows. A world that just recently expanded to include plushies representing all those different shows – different worlds – wxs created as a troupe. It's a world that Tsukasa, in a way, made by himself (albeit unconsciously)

Oh did I mention the Wonderland SEKAI is also, primarily, pre-wl, a theme park? With a big ass ferris wheel and several stages and a castle and a train and a merry-go-round, a rollercoaster and more? You know, kind of just like Phoenix Wonderland? Which was built by Emu's grandpa?

Do you ever think about that? That both Tsukasa and Rakunosuke "made" their own "Wonderlands"? That the SEKAI is so similar to PXL? Because I do

Anyway. Those were the main similarities or references I noticed, but I still have some few other miscellaneous thoughts i had aside from that that I'll sum up a bit quicker

Tsukasa and Emu's grandpa both care more about the shows (& pxl) themselves and the effect they have on people to make them smile than any kind of fame or recognition

A reminder, too, that despite the movie's popularity, nobody really knew that Rakunosuke worked on "Smiley" (or that it was even a Riley Entertainment movie at all)

There's also the fact that both tsks and rknsk get stuck more on the excitement they want their audiences to feel rather than on the technical sides or worries about how it would be possible – as seen with Rakunosuke convincing Riley to include all his dreams and ideas in "Smiley" without focusing as much on the budget and all to install that wonder in the viewers, and Tsukasa doing anything to perfect his acting, and also agreeing to most of Rui's stunts and experiments and production ideas as long as it gets the audience to become more immersed

I noticed as well that they're both people who wear their hearts on their sleeves, who easily get emotional and enthusiastic, who empathise a lot with the others' emotions and struggles, becoming happy when something good happens to them

^ he cried here. And later at the fan festa seeing nene sing confidently and happily he teared up again

And also just *gestures vaguely at pandemonium event and Rui's "tsukasa's friends' happiness is his own happiness" line*. Yeah

Most importantly, Tsks and Rknsk both care so, so much about shows ending with smiles and not tears

And overall about everyone smiling and being happy. Like Tsukasa telling Emu in the main story, on the ferris wheel, that when her grandpa meant making EVERYONE smile, it included Emu, too, and he wanted to make sure she's happy as well

There's also everything with Emu, too. The way she's very clingy with Tsukasa, always throwing herself at him (not that she isn't with everyone, but she does seem to jump at him the most often)

She's also implied to open up a bit more around him – in Smile of a Dreamer, when wxs expressed their worries about emu hiding her problems, KAITO implies that its unusual she "hasn't told EVEN Tsukasa"

And it's Tsukasa who first understood that, despite how it may seem that "she always is so optimistic and says whatever's on her mind", in the end "the bigger the problem, the less likely she is to talk" (paraphrased quotes from smile of a dreamer). And also underdstood what's the most important to her and how to give her a push to voice her worries to them

It's Tsukasa who Emu first got so scared of leaving their troupe and her behind

I simply feel like Emu is aware of the similarities her grandpa and Tsukasa share and, subconsciously, trusts him a lot and gets attached to him easily

Anyway. This is just a bunch of thoughts that came to mind that I wanted to share and hear your thoughts on maybe too. I love emukasa so much they have such a great dynamic, and I feel the implied similarities between Rakunosuke and Tsukasa add a lot to that too. I'm really curious if it'll be something they'll explore more in future events. Because I feel these parallels are there for some reason

[oneangstymotherfucker]

Another thing that bothers me is the way antis will use the word "coded". Coded is a word for groups that aren't allowed to have explicit representation to use for when authors make something that's obviously for them under the radar. Like queer coded. In kids shows there can also be stuff with coding for neurodivergent characters, and race coding can also be a thing. The idea is authors can't directly do what they want because society is being a dick (like they want to make x and x characters gay or have a Black main character) and so they code it so that people of those groups can still see themselves in it and Understand What They Mean.

So "child-coded" and "family-coded" are not things that even make sense. If the author wanted a character to be read as related or a child they would have simply written them that way! Nothing was stopping them! I respect all headcannons, but you headcannoning someone as a child or related and seeing your own evidence for it is not the same as coding.

Do you know what is coded though? Sebaciel. That ship is so heavily queer coded- in everything from the way the characters are drawn to the age gap to the campiness to the contract, the relationship-that-isn't-a-relationship-because-taboo!

These are classic queer tropes. They are all over the place in queer fiction, especially older queer fiction, to illustrate and emotionally navigate relationships that are considered by society predatory and taboo. Queers have always been painted as predatory. Because when you kicked out your teenage kid for being queer, guess where they went? They found some older queers to take them in. And support them in ways you never could, and see their strengths. And then people would say little Johnny was "seduced" or "taken advantage of" by some "degenerates" and "perverts" because they didn't want to take the blame of putting little Johnny on the streets. (Ofc sometimes im sure there were predators doing this maliciously, but that doesn't mean it was always the case. Not everyone wants to take advantage of people.)

Queer people also tend to have overlapping relationships because of social ostricization. For example, your dating history is your friend group and back in the days of Houses and mentors, your dating history might also have them in it too.

Age gaps are also a very quintessential trope in queer fiction. It makes a lot of sense when you think of how someone whose family life was suddenly cut short (or never really there in the first place) would end up wanting the sort of dynamic where someone was there to take care of them. And again- I'm sure that this was sometimes abused by a handful of people, but it as a fiction and as a desire is part of queer history and has been for hundreds of years. Most people whose parents pushed them aside or actively hurt them end up with daddy/mommy issues! Not everyone of course but a good amount! I want a daddy! I feel so much younger than I am because I am only just now getting to live my life as me!!! So of course i project myself onto and want to read stories about some little victorian boy and his op demon butler!!

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Ciel is very heavily queer coded. He was ignored by his family and then forcibly removed from it (because they died here, ofc) and the fact that he is essentially rescued from his powerlessness, aloneness, from being abused and taken advantage of by Sebastian, who is also very queer coded, ticks a lot of boxes. Then there's the whole messaging of Sebastian being seen as an abusive monster (when he is really quite caring of Ciel) and Ciel being seen as some perverted, broken, godless freak (ey what queers haven't heard those?), the religious implications of "making a pact with a demon" ("you can't be holy because of this relationship! Satan made u gay!!!!"), the victorian setting, the costume choices, the idea of being eaten, hell even the kinky undertones of the power dynamics- there are too many queer tropes to count. Even Ciel's age, when taken metaphorically- someone who hasn't been given the chance to have much experience, who isn't taken seriously, who does not have the social standing of someone who can hold their own against "grownups"- can all be read as coding for someone being descriminated against. Raise your hand if you're queer and have been called 'boy' or 'girl' derogatory/been treated like a kid for no reason!

I'd go so far as to say that most of the reason Black Butler squicks so many people is because the coding is so overt and obvious, but people still take it literally and think it just means "p3dO!1!!!1!". Probably because ya'll stay away from queer history because the Elders reclaimed slurs and that makes u angry lol.

The fact is even if Sebastian and Ciel never "get together", their relationship is still inherently queer and always will be. And quite frankly if it was cannon then it wouldn't be coded anymore it would just be gay. :)

Anyways thats how i feel about coding thanks for comin to my ted talk. x

[t1bb1zoey]

The differences in these looks are astronomical, but both are based in a great sense of love and trust:

HE TIAN'S LOOK

For He Tian, this was the moment he finally understood how much Mo has stacked up against him, how blind he was to the real issues Mo has. It isn't just money, it's that Mo is not cruel enough to survive the world he was sucked into. This look from He Tian, aside from devastation and guilt at how blind he was to this all, is underpinned by a STRONG sense of righteous anger. The downturned brows, the reddened eyes like a devil's, the lips thin and pressed together. He Tian in this moment knows he's going to do whatever it takes to protect Mo from the world they live in. If Mo can't be cruel, because he really doesn't have it in him, then He Tian is going to do what his brother taught him to do: he's going to become the strongest of them all and he's going to make anyone who harms Mo pay tenfold.

This look is ultimately an admission by He Tian that he was wrong to treat Mo's problems so breezily, and it is a promise to make sure Mo will never be left alone to be harmed this way again. He Tian says here with this look that he understands now why Mo felt alone, he's sorry he misunderstood Mo's problems, and Mo can fully trust him now with his heart. And after this scene, Mo does trust He Tian more, and he opens up to physical touch and shows of affection, because He Tian finally gets what Mo needs from him. Support and trustworthiness while Mo navigates living in a cruel world: not control over his actions and not money thrown at problems like a band-aid.

It's the first time we have ever seen He Tian like this in the story, and I think it was a giant turning point for his character arc and goals. His love for Mo turns from a pretty intense childhood crush here to undying and unyielding devotion. This is a love that has taught He Tian a lesson about life, and because He Tian has a will to protect goodness in the world, like the goodness he sees in Mo, Mo is now a symbol of the world he wants to live in. If Mo is protected and allowed to continue to be good, all is right in the world for He Tian.

FOR MO, THIS FUCKING LOOK:

There are so many layers to this one too. We have seen Mo cry before and be vulnerable, but never like this.

For one, He Tian just saved him from being stabbed by that psycho, using his own hand as a meat shield, and He Tian just showed Mo how distraught and worn-down he has been watching She Li torture Mo these past weeks. He Tian just UNLOADED onto She Li to the point that he was shaking and needed to be stopped. I think Mo just witnessed something very dark inside He Tian, that darkness He Tian told him on the staircase he was glad Mo isn't afraid of him for.

BUT, He Tian turns around unsure after the man stops him with a certain fear in his eyes. He's scared of what Mo's face is going to look like. Has he gone too far? Will Mo, in all his goodness, understand that this violence and darkness is the only way He Tian knows how to protect him from the cruelty of the world? That She Li can only be dealt with by someone equally as dark-souled as he is?

And then He Tian turns around, terrified, to see how Mo will see him now, and he gets this look. THIS LOOK. LOOK AT MO'S FACE.

Mo is sucking in sobs here, his lips pinched together to try to have some control, his eyes are so open and vulnerable like he is in disbelief at what he just saw, and his brows are turned up in concern. If I were He Tian, this look may have made me feel like my beloved is scared of me, but if you look closer there are layers here.

Mo looks first and foremost sorry to me. He looks devastated He Tian was pushed to this level of stress and violence, that He Tian is scared Mo is about to reject him, that He Tian is bleeding and injured for him. That He Tian went to these great lengths to make Mo's life even a shred better at what might be great personal cost to He Tian's own emotional wellbeing. Being driven to this breaking point is not normal, this is not normal teenage behavior, and Mo being so good and loving knows that. In this moment, Mo's seen all the hardships and neglect and expectations that have been placed on He Tian as He Tian just wailed on She Li.

Mo has finally learned what He Tian was trying to tell him on the stairs. He Tian is scared of the dark, because the dark is where he was raised. If you want love, you fight for it. And if you want ANY sense of goodness to survive, you HAVE to take on the burden of cruelty yourself so that it may grow protected. She Li wanted to destroy Mo's goodness, resents Mo for his goodness, but He Tian needs Mo's goodness for his own world view - He Tian must know there is something worth fighting for in this cruel world, otherwise he is just simply cruel, like his family and She Li.

But it's Mo's next move that is really important. Mo goes to He Tian immediately and wraps him up in the tightest hug. He reassures He Tian here that he is NOT scared of He Tian's darkness and that He Tian is loved still despite showing this part of himself to Mo. On the contrary, I think Mo is conveying that he loves him more for loving Mo this INTENSELY.

It's not even all about He Tian's romantic love for Mo here; it's also about He Tian's love of GOODNESS in general. Of friends who will fight in your place, of people who will help out others just to do it, of precious keepsakes in a box that keep you connected to better times with your family members, of brothers who protect their younger siblings out of pure affection. He Tian loves goodness in the world, and Mo is a symbol of all of that. I think Mo understands that about He Tian. I think it makes their love for each other not just a high school drama, but an example of how sometimes you just NEED people, so so dearly, in your life. He Tian needs Mo for his goodness, and Mo needs He Tian for his cruelty. They are soulmates, and they accept each other. Not just crushes or bodies to touch, but genuinely soul-bound companions. The look Mo gives He Tian confirms this to me.

So, in short, He Tian's face was a promise to Mo to give him what he needs from now on, and Mo's face in this latest chapter is a promise to accept He Tian's love, no matter how dark it may look sometimes.

Such a beautiful chapter with so much more to say, but I'll leave it at that.

[bibibbon]

MHA and too many side characters

MHA has too many side characters to the point where they can easily be deemed as forgettable and they genuinely affect other characters developments or screentime (also a factor that can affect development)

MHA isn't the only series that I have noticed this problem in because you can clearly see it in the final arc of Jujutsu kaisen (will talk about that in another post)

The whole there are too many characters can be seen in:

How many people are in the hero course. In UA alone there are 40 kids in the hero course and 20 in class 1A only. Out of all the 20 kids a maximum of 8 characters have probably gotten any type of character development which isn't even half the class?!?!? I don't know if the whole idea of there being 40 kids is supposed to be a plot point to show how bad of a school ua is that it only focuses on mass producing low quality hero members of society or if horikoshi just did this because he wanted it to feel more like an actual classroom. In my opinion it makes sense for there to only be 20 kids in the hero course in total (10 for 1A and 10 for 1B) because it would show how hard it is to get into UA and we would actually get character development and significant character moments from the characters.

The amount of heroes (some get introduced we get a story and then they get sidelined). I like the idea of having a whole lot of heros aka over glorified soldiers and entertainers but I hate when horikoshi introduces a hero, gives them a role, gives them even a backstory and then they get pushed off to the sidelines and become useless. I like focusing on the top 10 like hawks, all might, endeavour and even best jeanist but with the amount of heros there is we don't get much good characterisation from them in my opinion.

UA teachers and staff. There are either a lot or not even a sufficient amount of UA teachers and staff. Like what does luck rush serve, why is recovery girl here as a magical healing plot device, present mic is cool, we don't get much from the rest, midnight and aizawa are horrible ( don't think the plot intended for them to be that way but 🤷‍♀️) and nedzu the one who is supposed to be the best and carry it all is useless as heck to the point it hurts how much wasted potential he has. The UA staff should of gotten more development and more screentime but that was reduced because people didn't care for school or academia arcs

The amount of side characters that really don't matter or don't get much screentime. This is with secondary or tertiary characters like members of. 1A and 1B because let's be honest as interesting as some of the characters are a lot of them don't have any development and if they do it's just them getting a new technique or some bs like that and honestly it's disappointing. In my opinion it makes more sense for there to be less people in the hero course and that would if helped or we could of had certain side characters that we got to know well like civilians or others in general instead of making the series oversaturated with characters that have only cool designs

Other course characters. We were scammed in my opinion of characters from the other course and the ones we get either lack importance or are there to just hate on the hero course for no reason. The general studies course only hates on the hero course because they couldn't make it there and that's the only thing they really do. Sure Hitoshi is interesting but cannonically he is an annoying, hypocritical pos (he has potential tho I did do a rewrite on him) and mei hatsume from the support course is underrated as hell and lacks the screentime she should of had. Mei's character arc could of been something great and her canon contribution to the war arc is massive but due to the lack of screentime they tend to be pushed aside and not acknowledged at all. At least these two courses have something but the business management course really and truly has nothing and nothing at all I can't tell you any of the characters names or nothing all I remember is a bunch of scared first years trying to film a while battle so they can get the world to help which can be interesting if those characters had introductions, feelings, conflicts and developments but they don't so the emotional impact of the act falls flat

[nellie-elizabeth]

Grey's Anatomy: Burn It Down (20x10)

Ughhhh. Wow. That was not a good finale for me, for a lot of reasons.

Cons:

Gosh, where to even start, my list of grievances is so long. I guess let's go with a couple of the smaller irritants first: Jo being pregnant is such a no from me. And her not telling Link about it? What? Yeesh. I guess I'm glad that her dramatic passing out was just exhaustion and that she's fine, just pregnant, but I'm also very grumbly about the whole thing. It does seem like this show prioritizes storylines that I'm less interested in, and pushes aside the things that would really compel me.

Case in point number two, Lucas and his future fate. I wanted to be moved by everyone showing up to plead his case in front of Catherine, and in a way I was: good on Bailey and the interns for standing up to Catherine Fox, she badly needs to be told she's overstepping, honestly. But Lucas is just so fundamentally uninteresting to me, that the idea that the cliffhanger of the whole season is "but what about Lucas's career" just... sucks, from an investment perspective. Yasuda and Kwan and Jules are at this point far more interesting to me, and I like Simone a lot when she's not tied up in Lucas's drama. I'm just bummed about where the story investment is going, is I guess what I'm saying.

There's been a lot of retreading familiar ground this season, as I think at least for some of the characters, this show is really showing its age. Never have I felt that more than with Richard. Holy shit, Richard's role in this episode pissed me off like you wouldn't believe. The wishy-washy way he's almost retired or stepped back from surgery over the years makes every story like this feel like the boy who cried wolf, but honestly? Fingers crossed he actually finally fucking retires. Why? Well, so we can stop hearing about it, for one, and also... he killed a man???

I was honestly flabbergasted by the handling of this patient's death in this episode. The fact that Richard can wax philosophical about his past and say "it might really be time for me to put down the scalpel" after he realizes he made a totally preventable mistake and it resulted in a patient's death is just... so off, tonally, to me. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Isn't this the kind of shit that should get Richard, and the hospital, into big, big trouble? Should we have seen the consequences through the reactions of this dead man's family or something? It just felt so flat! Someone tell Mika and Jules that they're not responsible for this man's death! And someone take Richard's badge away from him. Go on, Catherine, you're kicking every damn body else out of this joint, why not add your husband who clearly can't do his job anymore?

Before we get to Catherine, and oh boy are we getting to Catherine, let's talk about Bailey. I love Bailey, I love Ben, but this was another story that felt like such a retread of things we've seen a million times. Bailey being affected by Ben's job, worried about him constantly, it's nothing new - we see it all the time, whenever they want to amp up the potential drama here. Ben, evidently, survives the finale of Station 19, so I think hopefully we can put this to rest. I'm seeing rumblings that Ben might be coming back to surgery and thus jumping back over to Grey's. Wouldn't be mad about it, to be honest. Let's set this whole firefighter husband worry behind, for Bailey.

Then there's Nick and Meredith. Not much to say about this. I find them boring. I don't get why Meredith is invested in him. He is a nothing character with nothing interesting about him whatsoever. I hate that because of Meredith's part-time status on the show, we're probably just going to keep seeing the two of them go along in their boring relationship for the rest of however long this show goes. I wish Meredith could have been sunsetted off the show with a character I give a damn about.

And last but not least in my long list of complaints... yeah. Catherine Fox. You know, I've struggled to figure out my distaste for this character for a long time. Grey's is filled with brilliantly complicated characters, in particular it's filled with women who do bad things for good reasons, or even for bad ones, women who have egos and ambitions, women who refuse to fill a palatable role to make everyone comfortable. I'm fine with a flawed character, I'm fine with Catherine being in the wrong sometimes. But yowza! Her ego trip, her inflated sense of her own importance... I cannot with her! Do you know how much a character has to be pissing me off for me to take Owen's side on something? But when he snapped at her to let Teddy help with the surgery, I was cheering him on!

The pettiness of taking Meredith and Amelia's research away and giving it to Tom Koracick? Now, don't get me wrong, if this means we'll see Tom next season in some capacity, I'm all for it, but in terms of Catherine's actions here? It's aggravating beyond compare. Her playing politics with information that could actually save so many lives? Her complete lack of awareness that she's the one who fucked up by trying to silence Meredith in the first place? The absolutely petty move of cutting Owen's badge access off, along with Teddy's and Amelia's? Like, what the fuck did Owen do except snap at you a little bit for trying to stand in the way of a firefighter's life being saved? The audacity of her firing him too for that? Seemingly? Yeesh. Take several seats, Catherine Fox.

Pros:

Despite my many complaints about this episode, there were actually several moments I enjoyed just fine.

Catherine being annoying did allow for Owen to be a badass, and for Meredith to be even more of a badass. When Catherine says she's just like her mother, Meredith says "good, that means I'll win." Hell yeah, Mer. You tell her.

I also love Amelia so much, and I think the friendship between Amelia and Owen is honestly very charming and mature, so good for both of them there? I loved when Amelia asked him for advice and Owen said that she'd never taken his advice before, so why start now? He does eventually tell her that he personally wouldn't be giving the research to Tom Koracick, but that's just because he has extremely legitimate reasons to hate that dude.

I'm grieving hardcore for Yasuda not sticking around next season, and I hope there's a way for her contract to get renegotiated or something! Because that Yasuda and Jules almost kiss? Yes please? I haven't felt this invested in a romance that probably won't even happen in a long time on this show. But even without it being definitively a romantic thing, I love their friendship so much. I hope someone tells them right away that they aren't responsible for the death of that patient!

I'm still not "on board", exactly, for the Winston/Monica thing, but I suppose I can enjoy it for the drama for the time being? I do want Winston to be able to find happiness, honestly. I just hope Amelia/Monica is a thing we get to see in the future, too.

I'm also still in denial about Schmitt leaving next season, but I did like how annoying he was in this episode, honestly. He can be kind of a lot to handle, and I like that he's allowed to be a little more openly frustrating sometimes. Him being annoyed with Jo for not telling him she's pregnant was such a funny bit, as he realized what he had inadvertently done.

As boring as I find Lucas, I did like the little plot thread where he helps with the app to connect people who are trying to find each other. And I like that Dorian is finally discharged from the hospital - a happy ending for that patient was sorely needed after everything he's been through!

So... yeah. All in all, I'm annoyed with this episode. I'm annoyed with Catherine, I'm annoyed that Jo's pregnant, I'm annoyed that everyone's focused on Lucas, I'm bored by Nick. I'm happy that Dorian got discharged, and I'm happy that Meredith is standing up for herself, I guess? We'll be back for hopefully a bit longer of a season twenty-one. And we'll find out what the heck is going on with Kwan's amnesiac ex-fiancee... man, this show can be endearingly ridiculous sometimes.

6/10

[jalwoorideul]

yeona’s relatonship w/ hip hop unit

full masterlist | yeona’s masterlist

s.coups (yeoncheol)

Not only is he the leader of seventeen and the hip hop team, he is also the leader of the protect-yeona-at-all-cost team. He is very protective of her and is always seen looking out for her. Yeona isn’t the type to ask people for help so seungcheol would always initiate the help when she needs it without making her feel helpless and too reliant. He is probably one of the members that has seen her cry the most and that’s because he was one of the first few trainees she has shown her vulnerability to.

→ memorable moment:

while at the airport, a number of photographers, and fans were crowding the members and yeona was physically uncomfortable with the whole situation since she was being pushed relentlessly. seungcheol pulled her to her side and covered her from the cameras and asked people to step aside while rubbing her shoulder. Ever since then, you will always see Seungcheol standing besider her when they're at the airport.

wonwoo (yeonwoo)

Wonwoo is the calming presence that keeps yeona grounded and safe. When things get overwhelming, wonwoo is the first person she runs to. At the same time, Wonwoo can clearly sense when Yeona gets stressed or sad, and he'd be the first person to give her a hug that she didn't ask for but definitely needed. As two home-bodies, they spent most of their time lounging at the couch, watching a netflix series/film.

→ memorable moment:

During wonwoo's bittersweet vlog, Yeona knocked on his bedroom door while he was sticking the stickers on the wall. "Are you busy?" she asked him without showing herself on the camera but ut did catch Wonwoo's faint smile. "No, just filming a vlog and decorating", "Can we watch a movie?". Wonwoo nodded and gestured Yeona to come closer. "Are you tired?" he asked as he grabbed her hand while caressing it. "No, I just want to watch a movie with you"

mingyu (yeongyu)

Mingyu LOOOVES clingling to Yeona like she's a teddy bear. Just imagine big and tall Mingyu hiding behind a smaller Yeona when he's afraid of something. And they aren't called the visual duo for nothing. Whenever these two are beside each other, it's like seeing a god and goddess in real life. Mingyu acts as her annoying twin that loves her too much. And because he can't keep her hands off of her, they have to keep assuring the public all the time that they're just really really close friends.

→ memorable moment:

Mingyu loves posting candid photos of Yeona on social media so much, that fans have a whole compilation of all the photos of Yeona taken by Mingyu. Their favorite however is when Mingyu posted an instagram story of Yeona on her birthday with the caption, "Happy birthday to my favorite model, i love you"

vernon (yeonsol)

Her favorite child (But don't tell the others that). Yeona adores Vernon so much. She always mentions how much his funny reactions bring her joy and how much she adores the way he thinks. He's a year younger but she treats him like a baby and all too possibly, Vernon doesn't even mind although he tries not to let that show. But everyone know he loves her attention

→ memorable moment:

Vernon is a tsundere when it comes to Yeona. He loves to pretend that her love and attention isn't a big deal but he actually takes pride in it and sometimes uses it to his advantage. One time while playing a game on who would take the penalty, Yeona won and the former was on the other end of the line, about to lose. Vernon was giving puppy eyes to Yeona to save him and Yeona being the biggest Vernon fanboy, couldn't resist. Carats were extremely ecstatic when Vernon gave her the biggest and warmest thank you hug with a kiss on the temple as a thank you.

[2myl0ver]

☾ tatlong bilyon, ikaw lang ang aking gusto.. // choi yeonjun

genre : angst/ wc : 875 / tw : cursing / masterlist / song : ere

you and yeonjun rarely fight, since the beginning of your relationship you had never fought over something small or something that's not worth fighting over, which means once you and yeonjun do fight it's most likely over something serious.

for the past year, you have been dealing with yeonjun's busy schedule and just took it as it is, to you, it was all worth it. you loved him, he loved you. it felt heartwarming to genuinely love someone and to feel genuinely loved. however, it was hard.. for him, and for you.

he was always busy and so were you, but you always went out of the way to make plans with him, however with you it wasn't the same story. whenever you'd try to make plans with him he'd always have a reason to not go, but when he makes plans with you you push everything aside to spend time with him, whether that's sitting on a couch cuddled beside him or sitting in a fancy restaurant.

you took it as the sacrifices of dating an idol, like something that comes with the good, though you felt like the good was all gone.

this past month, you just couldn't take it anymore. you were stressed with school work and you decided to come over to the dorms when it was his day off, but once you arrived there yeonjun looked rather upset. now, you understood it wasn't good to show up unannounced but you have worked so hard and just needed a break. you two haven't seen each other in 2 months, if you hadn't come over would you have ever seen him again?

he grabbed you by the arm aggressively, walking you to the door. "what are you doing here?" he said quietly. "i need a break. i just wanted to see you, college has been a pain in the ass and i haven't seen you in 2 months." you said, looking up at him, "you can't just show up unannounced! you didn't tell me you wanted to see me. if you had told me, we could've scheduled it." he argued, still having a grip on your hand. "hey, let go of me," you squirmed your hands around "hey, i have been trying to make plans with you since forever you're always busy. i just wanted five minutes with you, i want to spend time with you, is that so much for me to ask?" you fought to say whilst tearing up. "you can't just fucking show up here whenever you want, just because it's my day off doesn't mean this isn't still my workplace. you're so fucking annoying." he said. "w-what..?" your lips tremble as tears threaten to pour. "y-you know what i'll just leave" you quickly started to move, searching for the door knob, "wait-" yeonjun chased after you, trying to get a hold of your hand, but you were too fast. a sigh left his lips and he walked back to the dorms, finding taehyun standing near the door once he went back in. "that was really shitty man." taehyun criticized, "i know.. i didn't mean it. i don't know what came over me. these schedules have me fucked man."

by now, it was already 11pm, he's been texting you non stop since you left. "you have to go to her place if you wanna keep your relationship with her, hyung. you know that she's been putting up with you since forever right? just do this one thing for her." soobin said who was on the bed beside him. yeonjun sighs, knowing everything soobin had said was true, if he wanted to keep you he needed to come to you.

yeonjun sat up and began reaching for his hoodie on his bed side table, "hyung, where are you going? its almost midnight and it's raining." soobin said, confused. "i'm doing what you said. i need to get over there." yeonjun says to which soobin sighs to, "okay. be safe, hyung." yeonjun heads out of their dorms, immediately running to the direction of your apartment.

once yeonjun arrives at your place, he attempts to knock on the door aggressively, however when that doesn't work he steps aside and starts to shout your name, looking up at your window in the rain.

you, who was studying before you heard your name being called outside by a familiar voice, yeonjun's.

you run to your window and looked down to see yeonjun, soaked in the rain calling for you. you quickly run downstairs and opened the door for him, he hugs you and you start crying into his shoulder the moment you smell his scent. "i'm sorry, i'm so sorry." he says, his palm placed on the back of your head and the other arm wrapped around your waist. "don't ever leave me like that again, please." he desperately says. "and you don't ever leave me alone like that again!" you say, banging on his chest. "i know. i'm sorry. i'll make more time for us, i promise."

the next day, he asks for a week with a clear schedule with nothing on it but you, and you spend the whole week with him making up for the days you two were apart. <3

© 2myl0ver Copyright 2023. Do not copy, repost, or translate without my permission. ♡ ︎and ↻ are very much appreciated !

[masonscig]

Writer Rant: Am I the only one who finds it kind of strange how many people are complaining about how the detective didn't have a choice but to join the agency? Like I totally get thinking its too soon (I personally expected it in book 4 at least, so I have no issue with the opinion it should have happened later in the series) but there's been multiple posts I've seen of people saying they're upset that choice was forced upon them/the 'no' option didn't work, and I'm kind of wondering what they expected? Idk I feel like there's this growing trend in the IF/COG community where people are mad that they can't go completely against the status quo of the story, but like...there's a difference between taking away choices for the protag/taking control out of the players hands and some plots just *needing* to happen in order for the story to proceed as intended, especially when they relate directly to the protag and their environment and not a mostly offscreen situation like the aftermath of whether Sanja survives/the treaty is signed in Book 2.

The detective being a full time agent is a major development and would effect most if not every agency/station related scene going forward - if saying no was a legitimate option that carried over as a major choice, Mishka would basically have to write a second version of each subsequent book to account for the differences until they finally join. Not allowing that to be an option isn't taking away the players choice because it was *never* a choice to begin with, its a set part of the plot already. I get the frustration of it maybe not being the most in character, but the author in me wants to scream that it's not on the author to adapt their story to fit each OC every time, especially when that OC is made to intentionally break what 'should' be happening. For all the legitimate criticism about book 3 that I've seen, this is the one that I genuinely Do Not Understand unless there's just a lot of folks in the fandom without experience writing longer, connective works, because they either don't recognize or respect just *how much* would have to change going forward based on that one call.

i completely get where you're coming from, i really do, but i have to disagree with some points here

i think that the reason people are upset is because mis/hka has like. stripped the agency (haha no pun intended) from the mc but it doesn't quite feel as intentional as she wanted it to be – (idk if i'm explaining correctly bc it makes sense in my head) let's say you're playing with an mc that has little to no agency points, they've fucked up majorly at every stat check (murphy got away, sanja died, falk didn't sign the treaty, falk was hostile, fucked up at the auction), and they're scared of supernaturals? in what world would that qualify the mc for an agency position?

if you're thinking "okay well, maybe it's because the agency is trying to keep a close watch on the mc" – okay, well, mis/hka isn't going to flesh out the idea of the agency being evil or even explicitly morally grey. she's said herself in asks before that the agency are the "good guys" (i don't feel like looking for it lmao if you do, godspeed. there's a lot of asks to sift through) – so the choice just doesn't make sense unless she's been playing the absolute longest con and they'll be revealed to be the true antagonists in the end.

if they are, i'll record myself a jean jacket with no sauce :) xoxo

but like others have said before, mis/hka is writing this series as a utopia of sorts – the mc is a fucking cop, working for a federal agency. and they're presented as the good guys. that alone means that any weird things that they do are going to be pushed aside and blamed on an "individual" rather than the "structure" itself, if that makes sense. (an option available towards the end of book 3 depending on what route you're on is being able to erase bobby's memories if they find out about supernaturals. a cop? possibly forcibly suppressing a journalist? yeah. no thought put into that option.)

what i'm getting at is, she's stripping the choice to join the agency from the mc's who don't want it, and similarly, from what she's shown us, it's not going to amount to anything, because she doesn't seem to criticize any of the systems she's established in a larger sense outside of the mc's dialogue. so if that doesn't matter, then what are the mc's working towards? <- this is a rhetorical question, food for thought if you will LMAO

sorry this is all over the place, but to tie it all back together, i think that yes, if your oc doesn't fit the universe, i completely agree – you can't blame the author for not fulfilling every fantasy you have about the series – but similarly, i think that if mis/hka is giving us the option to make mc's who are untrustworthy of the agency, it's her job to follow through with that to some degree. and that means not just pandering to mcs that love their job, love being a cop, love supernaturals, love the agency, always pass stat checks, etc.

all of my thoughts are based on things she's said about her own story, and how i think that contradicts some ideas she may be unintentionally setting up.

but again, i totally get where ur coming from – branching stories are difficult, i just think that if you're going to offer options in a story, then choices should matter, and they feel like they don't in b3. i get that things need to happen in order for the story to progress, but some of these choices the mc is able to make feels like dead ends? like it's not going anywhere

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

I saw you went from militant atheist to agnostic. I'm seeking advice as a 17-year-old agnostic who is still upset with religion. I'll try to articulate it to the best of my ability.

How do you respect people's religion? I have some form of religious trauma (raised Protestant), and leaving it was very hard for me. I'm done with religion, but I was very angry for a while. I've mostly moved away from the Anger Phase, but I still, feel annoyed.

For example, when religious people oppose and demonize homosexuality (no wokeness, by the way), it annoys me. I don't think there is an objective reason why homosexuality should be seen as sinful/evil, and bringing up nature doesn't mean anything. It's frustrating that they're willing to die on that hill to please a God they can't see and to adhere to some book dogmatically.

I don't have an incentive not to hate religion. After all, the environment that I'm in (friends and school peers) has normalized it. But I'm starting to realize that it's not worth it, and I want to be indifferent to the lifestyle choices of others. How can I achieve that?

First off I'd look at the term "religious trauma" and evaluate if it's accurate. Did being raised Protestant actually traumatize you in the legit, phycological sense? Or did you just have an unpleasant upbringing because you didn't identify with or support the religion you were being taught? I don't know which it is, but one thing that everyone should learn is perspective. Not every bad thing is traumatizing. In fact, most aren't. Trauma is a very real, very serious thing. If people go around labeling non-traumatic things as traumatic, it can make you react worse to something that really isn't that bad.

But aside from all that, the best advice I can give you is you need to learn that what someone else believes has nothing to do with you. You are never going to convince the religious to give up their religion. In fact, if you try, you're just going to make them dig in further. Don't try to burden yourself with the need to "enlighten" the religious. It's pointless. And all it does is lead to frustration, anger, and hate on both sides. Some people are always going to believe things you don't believe. And as long as they aren't pushing those beliefs on you, it shouldn't effect you at all. You don't need to like those people or hang around those people. It's perfectly okay to keep them at arms length. And this goes for anyone you don't get along with. Instead of getting angry, learn to just roll your eyes internally whenever someone starts going on about things you find silly or stupid. Change the subject, or think about something else, or walk away if you can. You don't owe anybody your time or your attention, especially if they're being rude by preaching to you when you don't want to be preached to.

The thing about religion is that everyone interacts with it in a different way. Yes, some use it to bully others and justify their hatreds or their bad actions. But many more use it as a guiding light in their life. They take comfort from the idea that some all powerful being exists and loves them. They take comfort from the idea that their loved ones who have passed away are in a place of perfect happiness and are waiting for them to join them. How do we deal with our own inevitable death? A lot of people believe that something better is waiting for them on the other side. Or that we get reborn into a better live if we live well in this one. Or that we'll become part of the spirit of the Earth. Or that there's nothing after death, and some find comfort in that, too. Humans have always dealt with the unknown by telling stories and trying to understand things that don't have an easy explanation. Some of us turn to science. Some to religion. Some to philosophy. Some to other things. Some to all things. Just because someone chooses a different path towards understanding doesn't automatically make them wrong.

And if you want a scientific reason for benign agnosticism over militant atheism, in an infinite universe like the one we supposedly live in, anything that can happen will happen. Because even if something has a 0.000000000001% chance of happening, 0.000000000001% is still more than zero, and if you roll the dice an infinite number of times, eventually every result will come up, and more than once, too. If it's at all possible that a God, or Gods, exist, then they exist. Or have existed. Or will exist. What we don't know vastly outweighs what we do know. And it always will. We will never be able to explore even 1% of the observable universe. To me, that's one of the saddest things I've ever heard. I cope with that sadness by hoping that one day, humans will discover a way to break what we now call the laws of physics and learn how to build faster than light hyperdrives, or create wormholes, so we can explore more than what we think we'll be able to. I have a kind of faith that humanity will go beyond what modern science says we can achieve. Have you ever had similar beliefs that fly in the face of all accepted logic? Or do you only believe things that other people tell you is true? I really hope it's the former. And if it is, then that feeling of faith is what the religious feel about God. It's a commonality believers and non-believers have. So that can be a starting point to understanding the religious and how they think. It might even be a starting point to finding some common ground with the ones who aren't super zealous.

As for the "gay being a sin", thing, I do agree with you. Despite the sometimes abhorrent actions of the so-called "gay community", the act of being attracted to your own gender is no more inherently evil than being attracted to redheads, or blondes, or people with glasses. My logical brain tells me that any system of beliefs would reflect the times those beliefs came to be in. Back when Judaism was created, which is the foundation for Christianity and Islam, the Jews were going through hard times. I can easily see how, in a small, persecuted population that had already experienced slavery and violence by the time of Moses, the act of homosexuality would be potentially dangerous. If more men are laying with men instead of laying with women and procreating, then one day there might not be any more Jews. Especially if they keep getting killed and exiled every time they try to settle somewhere. So those Old Testament passages about homosexuality make more sense, from a secular, historical perspective, if you think of it that way. In addition to that, there have been literally thousands of religions invented since humanity has existed. They're all different. Even the ones that share a common origin are different. Just ask the Catholics and the Protestants. And we're just one species, on one planet, in a potentially infinite universe. To assume that any one single human religion has gotten everything right seems to be to not only be unrealistic, but massively hubristic. Maybe God exists, but he doesn't care who we fuck. Maybe he cares a lot, but Jesus got him to calm down about it. Maybe Apollo killed God and now the only deity that's still alive wants everyone to be gay. Who knows? We don't. And I think it's pretty silly to get upset when someone else believes something that is, in all probability, at least somewhat wrong.

I don't know of any of this helps you. But when I first got out of my militant atheist phase, thinking about things like this helped me a lot. It made me realize that I was acting just like the religious zealots I hated when I tried to push atheism on everyone and lashed out when they didn't convert. And I think that's the second best piece of advice I can give: Don't become the people you hate, or even the people you dislike. Be better than them. Or at least different. You'll be a lot happier that way. I know I am.

[noa-ciharu]

Random question:

I hope this won't offend you, but you may not answer this if this is personal.

"Since you stated in your bio that you are Aroace... who seems to have not any romantic feelings around people, would you say that Chobits or/and The one I love make a fine 'love story' for you?"

If something makes a good love story or not is a tough question. I usually deconstruct it to this:

Good love story shouldn't rely on readers shipping the characters.

Don't get me wrong, if readers hate the paring than they'd have harder time forming objective stance as well. But if someone who is neutral towards main ship(s) views the story and sees quality in it, then story has way more to offer than just rainbows and sparks. Therefore romance as genre on its own can easily fall down slippery slope of amatonormativity, stance that monogamous romantic (and sexual) relationship is everyone's primary goal in life, is on top of relationships hierarchy and that life is inherently without a value without its presence. If not viewing media under shippers lenses, those are very easily spotted. Hence romance combined with another genre such as comedy, psychological factors, horror, tragedy, drama etc.- those work way way better because there's more to the story than simply "when will those two kiss???"

Now, that's where "The one I love" fails sort of, because absolutely every chapter is entirely about romance, no depth whatsoever. But I feel it's wrong of me to bash on it since manga was sort of like Clamp's rough drafts/diary, more like self indulgent fanfic than proper manga. Lighthearted series that you read once, think it's cute and never think about it again. I wouldn't count manga as bad, more average.

Chobits however, it is more than you've bargained for definitely. Biggest plus in my book Chobits had is exceptionally well done mix of lighthearted, innocent and romantic moments on one hand with psychological elements and far far more complex issues than it meets the eye. At its core, Chobits is story about loneliness of modern world. With persocoms introduced to the world, those handy cute looking robots began replacing human connections; because having someone by your side who fulfils your every desire is far more convenient. Still, in process humans became not only detached from one another, but also from their persocoms as well; because they as well had feelings, even if they're piece of machinery humans viewed as replaceable.

Now there were alot of stories in Chobits about outcasts that grew too attached to their persocoms (like that dude that married one); ofc pain followed as average lifespan of machinery is far lower than human's. Then stories about humans being jealous of their loved ones caring more about persocoms than them. General fear that any inconvenience of human contact would be pushed aside and perfection of having someone who submits to your will would be sought as preferable option. And so much more, really story has alot to offer from psychological aspects.

And there's Chii - analogy for asexuality.

Echii elements are nicely done in this manga, because Chii herself isn't aware why walking around naked is inappropriate, why Hideki blushed when he sees her in just his shirt. She doesn't understand sexual attraction, nor she feels it. But she does feel romantic attraction, boy does she feel it strong. But she also felt fear when she realized she started loving Hideki. She worries if her affections would be returned, which to casual reader might be tad bit confusing since he's basically doting on her 24/7. Why is she unnecessarily worried you ask?

Keep in mind - Hideki is hypersexual guy. He's your average hetero teen guy who dreams about having a cute gf and later on wife. There's nothing wrong with that; but his dream does involve sexual activity - something Chii can't provide.

You see, that's the issue asexual people face every day - fear of rejection due to their lack of desire for sex being seen as inconvenience. It might sound a bit ridiculous to have one character in manga leave other because they can't have sex (especially if it's light romance manga where characters are expected to love one another with all the ""flaws"'), but irl that's unfortunately very very common occurence. People leave one another for far lesser reasons than that. To non-asexual people sex is important part of relationship and whether they want to admit it or not, being with asexual partner is seen as inconvenience.

Hence when Chii is fantasizing finding someone just for her, someone special who'll accept her for what she can do (provide romantic love) and what she can't do (provide sexual gratification) - it's basically analogy for asexual non-aromantic persons fantasizing about someone accepting them for what they are

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

Seeing as we've apparently reached the end of his story, what are your opinions/thoughts on Jack?

That is a good question, actually. What do I think about him?

I suppose... I expected to learn more about him. Because, he's mostly just been there, just as a lot of the captains to be fair. We've seen them fight, and we've seen them contribute, but mostly they've just been there.

But it's... Jack is one of the characters who has a large, supposedly magical, marking on his face, and I expected to learn more about it. Where did it come from? What's the symbolic meaning behind it? Because I do believe that there are meanings behind all of the symbols, and not just those that are on the Fire Vermillions (which I think are the only ones explained, despite a lot of the characters having a mark of some kind).

Though we did get a backstory for him, it somehow... felt incomplete to me. I can't really put my finger on it, what it is about the story that feels left unsaid, or if I just didn't read carefully enough when it was told. Because we haven't gotten all of the backstories of the captains, I expected that he'd be... more meaningful to the story? I mean, we know far less about Kaiser than we know about Jack. If there was a captain that was most expendable, it'd be him. Not Jack. Though I supposed the Purple Orcas suffering the loss of 2 captains in a couple of years might start rumours of the squad being cursed or something.

I also expected him to be a hybrid, just like Charmy, though I can't say where this idea came from. Perhaps from him having a ... freaky look about him? Though partly I thought that to be a part of his aesthetic. And there's something about his ... determination to be able to slice through anything and everything that feels very Black Clover to me. Because he's focused on "his thing", being the dude who can cut anything and he's striving, pushing forth with that. It's almost like a bull mentality. In that aspect Jack isn't a complex character, but I do think that there is something about him that is very Black Clover.

I've mainly seen him as a comic relief, especially while placed in the same room with Yami, but it's just that... Why is Jack having these flashbacks about Morgen? There is something about it that bugs me (pun intended).

The easy explanation is that Tabs needed someone to make the mistake, and Jack was there. Jack would have hung around Yami, as they were both commoners, and have been friends for quite some time, and thus is sensible to have witnessed Morgen and Yami teaming up. But even then keeping it as one side comment, aside of having all these flashbacks as Jack is dying, makes it seem... almost unnecessary. This isn't the first time we've had flashbacks in canon, and there has, I think more often than not, been a good reason to show them.

I can't say that his death... wouldn't make sense, because it does. But it feels almost... too convenient to have him have all these memories and flashbacks, and then just kill him off. Out of concealing something more. Again, usually when we've had flashbacks or stories, there has been something more to them. And I'm waiting for Tabs to connect all the dots for us in a brilliant finale. But that's more about BC as a whole than just about Jack.

I just... expected more. I expected him to have more of a role, I suppose. Again, we know about him more than about Kaiser. We've gotten his backstory, unlike Kaiser's or even Dorothy's. (Though Dorothy's is deducible to an extent.)

But... if nothing else, at least Jack got one last slice, at life. And his death isn't meaningless

Thank you for the question ^^

[wolfofcelestia]

Day 2: Cracks in the ice

Starting to really see the limitations on playtime in L&D and I’m not fond of them

Not being able to get exp from fighting is a huge deal since everything is locked behind it. Your limitations are limited because you can’t even unlock them

And I realized too late that the crane game is limited to 3 a week/guy and not 3 a day. I know they put the game under “date” to make it feel like a once a week thing but what if I want to live in the arcade like I’m currently living in the gold saucer lmao

The only thing that isn’t limited is poking the guys (with limited lines based on affinity) and of course buying more gacha currency. They seem really heavy-handed on pushing you to open your wallet

I just want a reason to come back to the game for more than my daily missions, which is the only way to get exp right now

And right after I wrote all that, I got this line for the first time and I haven't seen it ever again lmao. Fucking RUDE

I answered the second survey with a lot of recommendations on gameplay, emphasizing the exp issue, but I doubt they plan to change it since battles not giving out player exp has got to be a conscious decision. It goes against the basic principles of any game with a fighting and exp system.

The gacha mats seem to be really limited too. Aside from the few diamonds and tickets you get from daily missions, it feels to me that game isn't very f2p friendly

With only three guys, it doesn't feel THAT bad right now, but with this "Coming soon" message here, I'm assuming they won't be stopping at three guys. And if they're already profiting from such a stingy system, I don't see them making it easier for f2p players

Maybe I'm just used to how generous GBF is, but the amount of limitations on this game makes me feel frustrated. And with how attached they make you feel towards the guys, it makes me feel a little lonely too since the game basically forces you to stop playing once you've finished your daily missions.

I do like the concept, the writing, the graphics, the voices, the music, the battles. Everything about this game gets an A+ from me. Everything except the limits, how the player exp works, and how everything is locked behind daily missions.

Little funny bits like these are always nice to see. I just wish there were more of them and that we'd be able to interact with our favourite boys more.

With all that said, one of the last questions on the survey was if I'd continue playing.

Unfortunately, the answer is yes because they've already got me with Satou's voice and the cozy atmosphere. That, and I've been STARVING for a good otome game for YEARS. And one finally shows up with a well-dressed Satou character. There's no way I can turn my back on that.

He may sometimes be portrayed as having the emotional intelligence of a rock but I'm glad they gave him a softer personality outside of the main story.

And the lowkey suggestive lines? They got me good with those. I need more of that shit

I'm pretty sure I won't have enough gacha currency to pull for the upcoming banner so I mean, as much as I want to keep playing the game, they don't make it easy. You can't even grind your way to more gacha pulls. The only way to get more of the boys is to open your wallet. And since I'm playing on an emulator, it doesn't even look like I'd be able to purchase anything even if I wanted to

Considering they're giving players opportunities to voice their opinions in surveys every few levels, it's a good sign that they want to improve their game. I just hope they take those opinions to improve the game's QOL, especially for f2p players