#it feels safe. which means im not willing to take other opportunities for fear of losing my job that feels safe

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

[some27-url]

💙🎁💔🔪 i hope this is not too much ahaa

Thank you so much for the ask! Not too much at all <3 It was super fun!

[RJ and Leo]

(im choosing to answer these as post inclusions, pre installment 3, which has been tentatively named INTRUSIONS)

💙— How do they say/show that they miss their partner?

At this point they don't have a lot of opportunity to miss each other. They are basically joined at the hip. If they are separated for short periods of time, then they are basically inseparable at the end of the day. Leo will hang around him pretty close while he makes/collects dinner for them and afterwards, once they reach the point in the night where he usually has to manually remove her attention from whatever she's working on to go to bed, she goes willingly instead.

🎁— What kind of gifts do they like to give? What do they like receiving?

Neither of these people are very big on actual big beautiful *gifts*. Mac is big on giving acts of service and receiving physical touch, while Nora is huge on words of affirmation. That said, they end up spending so much time together in the space between them really establishing themselves as a couple and him having to leave on his trip that the gift giving is actually almost constant, so they just don't really notice as much when RJ gifts her ammo that he's found or scrap that he wouldn't usually pick up, or when Leo snags a salvaged pair of pants from the growing stockpile at Starlight that would look good on her but would look fucking HOT on him. It's just how they exist for a while 😊

💔— What could their partner do that would absolutely break their heart?

While it makes him a little bit uncomfortable to see her get chummy and flirty around him, RJ can deal. If fact, he usually perceives that as her vying for HIS attention. What he fears from her, and what would absolutely shatter his heart, is if he ever saw her blush or get bashful because someone else was coming onto her. At that point it's not for him, and it's so effective that it's pulled a physical reaction from her. He's tried to get a hold on his jealousy, and when she's flirting superficially it's easy to let go. Not so much if she actually seems interested in someone who isn't him.

RJ and Leo argue a lot. They're both pretty strong willed and intelligent, and they're both leaders at heart, so disagreements don't sit for very long before they're being addressed. RJ's willingness to fight with her and to argue about her more self-destructive tendencies is part of what made her fall for him in the first place. If that ever went away, if he ever became fed up and decided she wasn't worth arguing with anymore, just becoming cagey and passive aggressive about their disagreements instead, she would be absolutely devastated.

🔪— How would they react to injury/misfortune befalling their partner? Do they feel at fault?

I mean.

We've seen RJ in this situation a few times; externally calm and collected while he freaks out internally. He spends so much time worrying about Leo getting hurt that when it happens, all he can think about is taking care of her and making her safe and well again. And it's definitely his fault. Every time.

As of yet, Leo hasn't seen RJ get seriously hurt. If it were ever to happen though, she would feel immense guilt (considering he likely got hurt doing something in her name or whatever) and do everything in her power to get him help.

[Deacon and Whisper]

(these are going to be post Bunny Dear, pre Tit for Tat.)

💙— How do they say/show that they miss their partner?

Again, these two don't have a whole lot of opportunity to miss one another. If they're separated, it's only for the amount of time that it takes for one of them to stock up in a town, or it's because they're undercover separately. If it's the latter and nothing out of the ordinary happened during their op, then they tend to be overly chummy when they come together and start to work on their report/debrief. If the op was on the more intense side, they might breeze through the debrief part so they can get to the part of their day where they are forced by the existence of one measly bed to lay down together and feel the warmth radiating off of one another. Maybe they talk about the mission some more. Likely they don't, instead laying awake in the quiet and listening to each other's breaths until they eventually drop off into uneasy rest.

🎁— What kind of gifts do they like to give? What do they like receiving?

I see this as the love language question. Neither Whisper nor Deacon give physical gifts very often. Their gifts to one another include tidy living spaces and scrubbed clean white t-shirts. They give each other light upbeat banter and fabricated personas in the face of near-constant mortal peril. That said, Whisper has an eye for mundane, average looking wigs for her partner to stash around so he doesn't always have to carry that dusty pompadour with him (he'd never thought to do that really, but now he just keeps that one near HQ so he can pop it on before he goes in to see the crew). Deacon likes to pick up nail polish for his partner. She can't always wear it, it's pretty flashy, but he'll always remember the dark color they'd been painted when he first saw her out of the vault, and if the look on her face when he first gifted her that shade was anything to go by, she remembered it too.

💔— What could their partner do that would absolutely break their heart?

Die. Turn traitor and have to be killed. Leave.

These two obviously don't have the healthiest relationship 😂 but as much as they may try to say that their bullshit is all about avoiding attachment or whatever, they've got it pretty bad. And because their communication about wants needs and boundaries is fucking non-existent they are pretty much begging to get their hearts broken at some point.

🔪— How would they react to injury/misfortune befalling their partner? Do they feel at fault?

If Deacon gets hurt on the job, which doesn't happen often at all, Whisper goes into overdrive to pick up his slack and get them out of there. He's her partner and even though he's got a hell of a lot more experience than her which makes it scary for him to be out of commission she sees it as her duty to step up to the task of securing their safety. The threat of him not being around to shepherd her through the apocalypse is motivation enough to have her obliterating just about everything in her way.

If Whisper gets hurt -

a-

oh boy .

If Whisper gets hurt Deacon will keep his cool mostly. She learns to pick up on it, though. He's still cracking off little one liners and doesn't acknowledge the severity of her injury beyond maybe an "Ouch! That looks like it stung a bit, huh?" But it's pretty evident in the gleam of his eye just how unsettled he gets when she's hurt. For a long time she writes it off as stress, like now he's gotta due double the work because she got herself hurt (and she gets hurt, like, a lot more often than he does.) but over time she starts to see a pattern. She gets hurt. His words don't necessarily change but his vibe goes volatile until they're somewhere they can safely take care of her needs. Once they've made it back to a safehouse for her to recover for a day or two, schedule allowing, he'll make sure she's comfortable before leaving to "check the dead drops." He comes back calm and clean and while it wouldn't be right away, she could count on having a Bunny night soon. What he doesn't ever tell her, because he doesn't quite let himself commit all the details to memory, is that when she gets hurt he shifts into rampage mode to insure that she makes it out of there and once she's somewhere safe and stabilized, he has to take to the ruins to let that violent energy burn out, usually involving a raider camp and some sort of mele weapon in a flash of blood and grit. Afterwards he'll go to the nearest supply cache and clean up before returning to her to sleep off the ordeal - and of course after the firey rage comes the yearning, the need, the dissolution of his cheeky persona into something way too earnest and frightened. Thankfully he's got a process for working that out of his system, too.

Ask me questions about my stories

[userkay]

Sorry this took so long, cruches_and_spice was right, I really needed to shut up and listen. So I’ve been reading your comments, trying to watch some of your video replies, looking for documentaries and taking notes, and trying to figure out what to say. I promise I haven’t just been ghosting pretending this didn’t happen, I’ve been studying. Because an apology didn’t feel like enough, and a one and done “sorry” doesn’t do anything to fix the basis of the issue. So I needed some time to learn how to do better than that, and to reflect on how I ended up saying stuff that was so stupid.

And part of what I’ve learned is that personally, at the place I am in life right now, couch surfing without a job because I had to escape an abusive situation about two weeks ago now, I’m not very effective. Nor am I coming from a widely relatable place, or all that stable of one. One of the criticisms I got in my presentation of potential actions for the mothers day strike was “skipping dinner? not going to a movie? that’s literally nothing” but for me right now that’s a lot. For me those are a couple things I scrap together some money to do to try to forget my situation for an hour or two, and so by giving them up that means putting my full attention on the issues at hand instead. Considering I can’t even afford therapy right now, or that going to dinner or seeing a movie would break the bank, for me that is a big deal.

And for the most part before you guys showed up, that was a large portion of my audience too. The algorithm is good at grouping us together like that. The comments I was getting were from other people in financially tough, controlling, or dangerous households without much they can do or know how to do, because most of their attention at the moment is going towards maintaining some level of mental health and trying to keep themselves stable and alive.

So when I got out, as many of you pointed out and were totally right about, I got loud. I was already in fight or flight mode, getting away from the danger wasn’t exactly smooth sailing and there were a hundred new problems once I got there, but I was just kinda excited to… feel like i had my voice back. And then one of thew few issues that had been regularly important to me (because it was one of the few things in my situation that were allowed to be important to me) which was womens bodily autonomy, was put on the line.

—— (might be worth doing this in two parts)

And this is the point were I kinda have to thank you, because again you were right, that issue was important to me because it related to me, but I was genuinely unaware of how much deeper it went. The longer and significantly darker history of impact it’s had on black and brown women, and how much easier it was to still have access to abortions if you were a white woman with money. I just didn’t know.

I wasn’t aware, in my situation it wasn’t safe for me go looking for that kind of information before now. The kinds of conversations I was supposed to be having with other white people weren’t safe for me to have, and I was stopped by my own fear. Fear of the exact situation I’m in now— on my own, staying with my friends parents, without a dollar in my account and no clue where I’m going. So… i guess my fear was pointless and didn’t do me any good anyway.

But now I’m starting to see it. I’d be lying if I said “I get it” or “I know” because I don’t— our situations are different. But because you guys were willing to share so much information while you were coming at me which was deserved, and despite how absolutely terrifying that was, I finally had the opportunity to hear the other side. I got to hear your position and I got to see exactly where you were getting mad at me and what about. That i can work with, that I can learn from and do better with and Im genuinely so sorry for not knowing where or how to start finding that out on my own. And also thank you for showing me where. Beyond Roe v Wade, before BLM, beyond what I thought i knew from the events that I’ve been alive for and what I thought had be taught to me fully in school. I said I needed help but really I needed perspective and you gave that to me. You let me know how little I know, and that finally gave me a place to start.

Im also really sorry if it’s not enough

——

caption?

I’m done talking about this on the internet, at least for now because I genuinely don’t know enough to be sharing this kind of information, I need to still be observing and then figuring out how to have this conversation in my own circles about where white people are still spearheading many if not all of today’s biggest issues and what we actually can do to help make it stop. I’m definitely not the person with those answers, but I can ask the question so maybe I can start figuring it out.

If you want me to take down the other videos no problem, just let me know. Otherwise, I intend to leave them up so that I can come back to your comments as I learn. (Are there polls on tiktok videos, i might have to use that out of necessity so i can gauge the actual consensus) ((still don’t know if I’m coming back to TikTok after this though, i think i might be too scared))

[missfangirll]

If im not too late, I'd request anything for Beiyuan/Wu Xi. There are so few works out there for them :c

So, I wanted to write some XiYuan fluff and somehow ended up writing Dad!Beiyuan bonding with Chengling, Beiyuan thirsting after his husband and a sort-of-fix-it for WoH episode 36?? 😅

The plot follows the show, after episode 36, but their shared past in the novel (Qi Ye) did happen, if that makes sense? 😅 Sorry for the confusion.. The title is a Chinese poem called 蝶恋花 by Liu Yong.

Anyway, here's some XiYuan fluff/dad!Beiyuan/WoH fix-it? 😂😂

- - - - -

Fandom: Qi Ye, Word of Honor Rating: General Relationship: Wu Xi/Jing Beiyuan, Jing Beiyuan & Zhang Chengling Tags: Fluff, Bonding, Beiyuan thirsting after his husband, Fix-it of sorts Words: 2565 Summary: In an inn, Jing Beiyuan and Wu Xi, together with Zhang Chengling, await the return of Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing, who have run off to die on a mountain. Beiyuan has to care for Zishu's disciple, while being distracted by his husband.

Read on AO3

- - - - -

Butterflies in Love with Flowers

Jing Beiyuan has plenty of practice waiting.

He has waited for sixty years at the Three-Life Stone, has waited for Helian Yi for six lifetimes. Has waited in the Imperial City for his schemes and machinations to bear fruit, has waited for Wu Xi. He has plenty of practice.

Which doesn’t mean, however, that he is a patient man.

Jing Beiyuan paces the inn room he shares with his husband, deliberately walking closely past Wu Xi who is sitting cross-legged at the low table reading, looking entirely unperturbed. Much to Jing Beiyuan’s dismay, that is to say, so he brushes Wu Xi’s back with the seam of his sleeve every time he walks by.

Wu Xi doesn’t react for a while, but after the sixth turn, without saying a word, he casually grabs Jing Beiyuan’s sleeve and, turning slightly, pulls him down in his lap, effectively trapping him there with both arms tightly around him.

Jing Beiyuan is a lot of things, but he's not an idiot, and he would never let an opportunity pass to cuddle his husband. With a deep sigh, he settles into the other’s embrace, leaning his head on Wu Xi’s broad chest.

“I am worried,” he admits eventually.

Stroking his hair soothingly, Wu Xi just hums in quiet understanding.

"I'm worried about the two idiots on the mountain," he adds, as if that wasn't obvious, and Wu Xi, as expected, doesn't reply. Jing Beiyuan continues, unbothered by his husband's lack of reaction. "I keep telling the little idiot," here he pauses to marvel at the fact that he distinguishes his companions merely by the grade of their idiocy, then sighs inwardly, "that his shifu and shishu are fine, that he should focus on his training in order to have something to show his shifu upon his return, but sometimes I…." He trails off, snuggling closer into the other's neck.

Zhang Chengling isn't coping well with the fact that both his mentors left with the intention to die on that mountain, albeit with different purposes in mind, and Jing Beiyuan has had to forcefully stop him from climbing that mountain himself, twice by now. For now he seems to have begrudgingly accepted his fate, although Jing Beiyuan can see his outbursts of anger for the fear they are.

He inhales deeply, willing his thoughts to calm down. All they have to do now is wait, wait for Zishu and his little maniac to return safely, and return they will, he has no doubts about it. He can’t, for Chengling’s sake.

A knock on the door interrupts the silent moment and with a groan, Jing Beiyuan clambers out of his husband’s lap to open the door, while said husband reaches for his abandoned book. The elderly innkeeper in front of him doesn’t spare a glance at Jing Beiyuan’s slightly ruffled hair, fiddling with the cap in his hands. At the other’s raised eyebrow, he bows so deep his forehead seems to touch his knees, and Jing Beiyuan has to bite back a grin.

“Yes?”, he asks magnanimously. The man shifts uncomfortably. “Your highness,” he begins, but Jing Beiyuan interrupts him with a hand on his shoulder. “I am certainly not worthy of such a noble title, my good man, just call me Lord Seventh, and speak freely. What bothers you?”

The other man bows again, not as low as before, but it still looks uncomfortable. “Your lordship,” he begins, and Jing Beiyuan sighs, hearing a slight huff of laughter from behind. Wu Xi knows of his resentment against his past life and the decorum it entailed. “Your lordship,” the man repeats, sounding increasingly desperate. “Your, umm.. The young master… He… The courtyard…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, but Jing Beiyuan has a vague idea of what he is trying to say, so he just nods and breezes past the innkeeper, who hastily shuts the door and scrambles to follow him.

From the inn’s inner courtyard he can already hear a dull thudding noise that grows louder as he approaches. In the yard, next to a small wooden shack, he finds the source of the noise: Zhang Chengling, gracelessly hitting the timber wall with a training sword, his face and back sweaty, his hair in disarray, his mouth a thin line. Jing Beiyuan nods to the innkeeper, who retreats to another building, then slowly approaches the boy, keeping his distance from the sword. Leaning on the wooden wall, he stays silent, observing Zishu’s disciple. The boy has grown a finger’s breadth over the last weeks, his body starting to stretch, his face about to lose the softness of childhood. He has seen a lot these past months, Jing Beiyuan muses, and feels infinite fondness for the little idiot.

Zhang Chengling has seen him, of course, but doesn’t make any move to stop his grim assault on the shack, so Jing Beiyuan says after a while, “You might want to use a real sword when you intend to put a hole in that thing.” His teasing doesn’t gain a reaction, however, the boy still hacking away at the wood. “Chengling,” he says after a while, softly, gently, “they will return.”

“I know,” comes the strained reply, but the beating doesn’t stop. The hits seem to grow less forceful, though, and Jing Beiyuan inches closer. “If Tian Chuang had succeeded,” he adds quietly, “we would know.” He looks directly at Chengling who stubbornly avoids his gaze, but his movements slow further, until he swings the sword like a flag bearer his banner in a parade. Jing Beiyuan carefully closes the distance, intercepting the last swing with his hand, gripping the wooden sword. He notices its shaking, and it’s only a heartbeat before Chengling collapses into his arms, letting go of the sword and wrapping both arms around him in a desperate embrace. Jing Beiyuan lowers the sword, then enfolds the boy in his arms, a hand on the back of his head, and lets him sob quietly into his shoulder.

“I miss them,” the boy snuffles into his robes, his face hidden. “Sometimes I dream about them, dead and cold, buried under all that snow and I…” He hiccups, then starts sobbing again. Jing Beiyuan breathes slowly. A few days after Zishu, and then the Ghost Valley Master, ascended the mountain, there had been news of an immense avalanche that had buried a large group of people, presumably the joined forces of the Window of Heaven and the Scorpion King. But nothing had reached them since, and all of them had grown restless, even Wu Xi, even though he would never admit to it.

A hand on the boy’s back, Jing Beiyuan rubs soothing circles. “Come with me,” he says at last, “Let’s go inside and have some tea, hm?” A nod, then Chengling takes a step back, sheepishly rubbing his red eyes. “‘m sorry,” he mumbles, but Jing Beiyuan just huffs. “Never be sorry for how you feel,” he admonishes gently, putting an arm around the boy’s shoulder, subtly scooping the wooden sword up with the other hand. “Let’s have some tea and sweets, what do you say?” Chengling sniffs again, then says with the hint of a smile, “Didn’t the Great Shaman explicitly forbid us to eat sweets before dinner?” Jing Beiyuan makes a carefree gesture, then, lowering his voice, adds in a conspiratorial tone, “We have to hide it, then,” which finally makes Chengling laugh. A lighter air around them, they stroll back to the room. (Wu Xi gives them a stern look as Jing Beiyuan retrieves a bag of sweets from his sleeve, but says nothing when they share some over tea, which Jing Beiyuan secretly finds endlessly endearing.)

⚘⚘

The next morning finds Jing Beiyuan on a bench in that same courtyard, at the other side this time, half hidden under a canopy hung with ivy. In the middle of the courtyard, illuminated by the rising sun, Wu Xi is practicing his martial arts.

Jing Beiyuan admires everything about his little venom. His honesty, his loyalty, his unrestrained emotions, but watching the other train always leaves him breathless and with a dry mouth. Wu Xi, in his usual black robes, is a sight to behold: Even under layers of cloth his broad shoulders are visible, his long black braids with the silver hairpiece, the moon mirrored in a clear lake at night. Wu Xi in his robes is a force to be reckoned with. Wu Xi without his robes, in just some black pants, is… Well. Enticing enough to make Jing Beiyuan leave the bed before sunrise and watch him train, even after being together for years and having seen his husband naked plenty of times. Still, watching him move through the forms is different. His skin glistens with sweat, making the light catch on his collarbones, his abs. His movements show a raw power, a graceful intensity that always reminds Jing Beiyuan of a large tiger. He moves silently, with deadly precision, as if he wanted to sneak up on a hidden assassin. He doesn’t use a weapon, but Jing Beiyuan knows how strong he is, how fast, and is pretty sure that a sword would only slow him down.

Distractedly petting the sable that is curled contentedly in his lap, Jing Beiyuan marvels at his husband, until Wu Xi ends his performance with a graceful vault, landing on his hands and feet like a large cat. His hair, tied back only with a simple black leather cord, falls over his face with the movement, his eyes like glimmering coals behind the black curtain. It reminds Jing Beiyuan of their early days, of the time Wu Xi wore a veil, and he himself a mask of another kind. Trying to hide the slight shiver, he smiles at his sweaty husband who now approaches him. Before he can say anything, Wu Xi steps between his knees, carefully scooping up the sable, then reaching down to cup the nape of Jing Beiyuan’s neck. With a hint of restrained power, he pulls him up and into a searing kiss. Smiling against his lips, Wu Xi whispers, “Room,” and Jing Beiyuan lets himself be pulled.

It’s still early enough in the morning that they don’t have to be overly cautious, so when they shed their respective robes - and pets, Wu Xi’s tiny green snake gets set in its cage, while the sable leaps nimbly away from the commotion - Jing Beiyuan can’t suppress a giggle at his husband’s eagerness.

“What brought this on?”, he asks, a little breathless, as the other’s teeth close over his pulse point. Wu Xi stills for a heartbeat, then bites down harder, licking over the spot, which elicits a shiver.

“You,” is the answer, and Jing Beiyuan pulls away a fraction to look at his husband with a raised eyebrow. “I can’t remember doing anything out of the ordinary,” he smirks, “whereas you were--”

“You watched,” Wu Xi breathes into his neck, leaning back in. With another giggle, Jing Beiyuan lets himself be pulled to the bed.

Later, when they lay under scrunched up covers, sated and sweaty and content, Jing Beiyuan nuzzles into Wu Xi’s chest, inhaling his sharp scent.

“Would you do that,” he asks eventually, his voice quiet. “Sacrifice your life, I mean. For me.”

“Yes,” is all Wu Xi answers, firm and without hesitation. “I would. I will. Everything.” His arms tighten around Jing Beiyuan. After a long silence, the latter says softly, “But what if I didn’t want that?” He turns slightly to look up. “What if I didn’t want a life that’s bought with yours?”

Wu Xi doesn’t meet his gaze as he replies, “I still would. I couldn’t bear the thought of being without you, Beiyuan. I’m a coward, but I couldn’t. I thought I’d lost you once, and I..” His voice breaks, and Jing Beiyuan reaches up to cup his face. “You’re not. I would like to say that I would react differently, but…” He shrugs with a wry smile. “I wouldn’t. If I could save your life by giving up mine, I would. I would, and then wait for you again at the Three-Life Stone, until you came to meet me. And maybe this time, you would be the one with white hair.” Snuggling closer, he trails a finger over the other’s chest, then places his hand on his sternum, feeling the unrestrained energy underneath. Wu Xi turns his head, then cups Jing Beiyuan’s cheek, meeting him in a slow, languid kiss.

“I love you,” he breathes against the other’s lips, “I have loved you for all your lifetimes and I will continue to love you in all that follow. Where you go, I’m going, Beiyuan.”

⚘⚘

It takes almost another month until Zishu and his little-, no, his giant idiot return. On a sunny afternoon, as if they had just been out for a stroll, they saunter casually into the inn’s dining room, and Jing Beiyuan almost drops his teacup, staring in disbelief. Before he can say anything, Zishu grins - he grins! - at him and plops down into the bench opposite him, Wen Kexing at his side. Jing Beiyuan notices in utter shock that the latter’s hair has gone completely white.

“Wha--,” he starts, but now the waiter has spotted them, hurrying over. Giving their, admittedly quite ragged, appearance a cautious once-over, he clears his throat, but Jing Beiyuan hurries to assuage him. “Whatever these gentlemen desire to eat,” he declares, probably with more grandeur than necessary, “they will receive.” The waiter hurries to nod his head like a turtle, but Zishu just shakes his head. “Just cold water,” he says, much to Jing Beiyuan’s and the waiter’s astonishment, but the latter immediately scrambles off to bring them their order.

Jing Beiyuan looks scrutinizingly at both of them, then says slowly, “Welcome back.” Zishu nods solemnly, taking Wen Kexing’s hand under the table. “Sorry it took so long,” he says quietly. Jing Beiyuan snorts. “You don’t have to apologise to me,” he gestures into the general direction of the inner courtyard, “but to your silly little disciple.” Zishu at least has the decency to flinch, looking uncomfortable. But it is Wen Kexing who speaks first. “How is he?”, he asks, and Jing Beiyuan notices the cautious fondness in his voice. Shrugging, he admits, “There are good days and bad.” After a pause, he adds, more quietly, “And good nights and bad.” Zishu nods, as if in agreement, and Jing Beiyuan’s curiosity wins over. “What happened?”, he asks animatedly, gesturing to the state of their robes, then Wen Kexing’s hair. “You were gone almost two months, and--”

Zishu interrupts him, sounding incredulous. “Two months?” He casts an uncertain glance at his companion who looks equally stunned. “Oh.” Inhaling slowly, he adds, “Well, I’d prefer to tell the story only once, so where is that useless disciple of mine?” Grinning, Jing Beiyuan gestures again to the inner courtyard. “Training.” Zishu gives him a skeptical look, then gets to his feet. Ignoring the waiter who just arrived with their order, he heads for the inner courtyard. Jing Beiyuan tilts his head a fraction, looking at Wen Kexing, both smiling slightly. Then, from outside, “SHIFU!”, and a dull thud, followed by another muffled “Shishu!”.

Smiling into his teacup, Jing Beiyuan closes his eyes. Some stories seem to have a happy ending after all.

[uncloseted]

https://youtu.be/kJcpTSNWXdQ

https://youtu.be/yIZ8zUOXh2g

Can you watch these when you have the time? Im curious about your opinion on this because I think youre really smart and these are some topics rhats been on my mind lately! Thnk you so much ❤️❤️

Okay, so there’s a lot here.  I feel like I should admit upfront that I dislike Joe Rogan.  I won’t really dig into why because you didn’t ask for that, but I will say that if you want to listen to someone wax philosophical, I feel like it should be someone who was actually a philosopher (like Contrapoints or PhilosophyTube) instead of UFC commentator and former host of Fear Factor, Joe Rogan.  Anyway, let’s dig into these videos…. 

The first one is called “Unattainable Beauty Standard Outrage” and it’s with stand-up comedian Bill Burr.  Frankly, I find it to be frustrating because they’re both average looking white men complaining about an issue that they’re really not subject to in any meaningful way.  Throughout this video, they conflate a lot of different issues-  the beauty standards average men and women are held to, the (edited) beauty standards present in advertisements, and the physical requirements actors and actresses are held to are all the same in this conversation.  They make them seem like it’s all the same when in reality that’s just…. three different conversations completely.  I think that’s a result of the fact that they’re just kind of talking, not making an argument or even really trying to get to a point.

Let’s start out with what they’re saying about the beauty standards that average people are held to.  Basically, their point is that if you cared about how you looked, you can compensate for it in other ways. The point here boils down to “ugly people won’t take the time to develop a personality like the rest of us, and they’re mad that they get treated differently.”  But the reality is that you can have a great personality, but discrimination based on physical appearance will still exist.  Similar to how discrimination based on sexuality isn’t cancelled out by white privilege or discrimination based on race isn’t cancelled out by being male, discrimination based on appearance isn’t cancelled out by having a winning personality.  Ugly people earn less than their attractive counterparts, on average have fewer friends, worse social skills, and less active sex lives, and are seen as less moral, trustworthy, and competent.  Women have it even worse; while men are able to compensate for their looks somewhat (and there are more “acceptable” looks that a man can have) through factors like wealth, social capital, and personality, women are taught from a young age that being attractive is the most important thing that they can be.  Because of that, women suffer more from looks-based discrimination than men do and are more impacted every time the standard for female beauty gets raised.

Moving on, they start complaining that the UK is banning advertisements that feature impossible standards of beauty.  To my knowledge, it’s actually only the London underground that did this, and I believe it specifically concerned advertisements that are digitally altered but selling a beauty product (correct me if I’m wrong here).  Specifically in this episode, they’re talking about products that promise you a “summer body” with a digitally altered image of a bikini model.   It’s false advertising when you show an edited model who supposedly got their body by using your product- and that should be illegal.  False advertising is illegal in lots of other realms.  You’re not allowed to claim that your dietary supplement will cure cancer, and you shouldn’t be able to claim that your “summer body” product will make you look like a digitally altered model.  Joe and Bill comment that people are being overly sensitive, and that these advertisements just make them “want to go to the gym”, but that misses the point completely.  Even if you went to the gym, there’s still tens of thousands of dollars of cosmetic surgeries and digital alterations that went into making that model look like that.  It’s not about work.  Those bodies aren’t achievable with work- the models themselves, who work out for hours a day and follow very strict diets, don’t look like that in real life either.  Pretending that those images are achievable through “hard work” is actually really damaging.  It can lead to people engaging in dangerous diets and exercise regimens, taking untested supplements, and feeling that their lack of results is a moral failing because they’re not “working hard enough” (which decreases self esteem).

Then they start talking about actors and actresses who are asked to lose weight for movies, and one actress in particular who publicly complained that she was asked to lose 15 pounds for a role.  Their takeaway is that the actress who complained is being lazy, that she was hired to be hot, and that she’s being ungrateful for the opportunity.  A quick fact check suggests that the person they’re talking about is Jennifer Lawrence, who said she “was told by producers of a film to lose 15 pounds in two weeks."  That’s a very different story to the one that they’re telling.  To lose 15 pounds in two weeks, 5′9, 140 pound Jennifer Lawrence would have had to burn 52,500 calories.  Even if she ate absolutely nothing and worked out at the level of an Olympic athlete 7 days a week, she would still have only burned 39,354 calories in two weeks.  That’s still 3.75 pounds short of 15 pounds of weight loss.  It was literally an impossible ask.  Upon telling the producer that she thought the weight loss demands were not appropriate, “he said he didn’t know why everyone thought I was so fat, he thought I was ‘perfectly fuckable.'”  And so to paint it as Jennifer Lawrence being lazy is a bit disingenuous.  But I’m willing to accept that maybe they just didn’t have that context, because it seems like their goal wasn’t actually to have a discussion based in research or argumentation- it’s to make the point that people are overly sensitive now and asking the world to cater to them.

Closing this conversation out, I don’t think it’s wrong for studios to ask actors to change their appearance for a role.  A big part of why people get cast for particular roles is their appearance, and as an actor, you have to be willing to adapt your appearance for the role. Just like you may be asked to dye your hair or wear colored contacts, I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong to ask an actor to gain or lose weight for a role (especially since both men and women are asked to do that, and the studio provides them with the support to be able to do that safely).  Those bodies are achievable with work, and I don’t think it’s wrong to show those.  But I think there’s a larger conversation to be had about who’s being asked to change their weight and why.  Christian Bale lost 62 pounds for The Machinist because his character was supposed to be emaciated from his insomnia.  The studio didn’t ask Bale to do that.  He made the decision to do it on his own, even though it made sense for his character to be that thin.  By contrast, Jennifer Lawrence was asked by the studio to lose 15 pounds to... what?  Look hotter in the movie?  Almost every female actress is expected to look a certain way in order to even be considered for a role, whereas men can be fat, mediocre looking, older, balding, and still be cast.  Even when a woman is playing a role where being hot isn’t part of the narrative at all, she’s still expected to be hot.  Even when you’re playing a character that’s “let themself go” or has “hit rock bottom”, the actress needs to look hot.  For men, there’s not that same requirement.  Having hot girls in your movie absolutely do get more people to see it, sure, but the cost is that you’re reinforcing the idea that women must be, above else, hot all the time.

So that’s that.  Let’s move on to the second video,  “No, It's Not "All Men"”, featuring comedian Iliza Shlesinger.  I should say that I like Iliza quite a bit and I’ve seen her perform, so I’m curious to see where this goes.  It’s also important to note they’ve been smoking weed, which... provides some context to this episode, I think.

So again, they start by bitching about this “beach body ready” ad that got “pulled in the UK” (actually just from the London underground) that Joe is so up in arms about.  This time he shows the ad, and it turns out that it was pulled due to “concerns about a range of health and weight loss claims made in the ad”.  The concern is false advertising.  So again, to paint it as, “ugly women are too sensitive because some women are actually beautiful” is disingenuous, and serving the narrative that “people these days are too sensitive”.  They’re also making the assumption that this ad hasn’t been digitally altered, which I find difficult to believe.  

Iliza goes on to talk about how her boobs are real and some people ask her if they’re fake, and she doesn’t like that, and how women shouldn’t judge other women to their faces about how fake they perceive them to be.  I think that’s a fine claim to make on an interpersonal level, but I also think that if we don’t start acknowledging all of the manipulation and work that goes into appearing “effortlessly beautiful”, we’re going to fall deeper into this beauty standard arms race.  Iliza kind of gets a pass on this because she openly admits to having a “fake nose”.  Then she makes a good point about how women will be hated no matter what they do, and so it’s important to remember that when someone doesn’t like you, it typically has more to do with them than it does with you.  She also says that when you don’t like someone, it’s important to do some introspection to figure out where that’s coming from, which is also great advice.  Then they wander into talking about how feminism doesn’t mean that you like women more than men or that you’re asking for special treatment, just that you support the idea of equality, and that’s fine. Joe rogan praises Iliza for being “a feminist, but not annoying”, which is gross.

Iliza then says that feminists who say, “all men” are part of the problem, and I think she’s just missing the point.  When feminists say, “yes, all men”, what they mean is that all men are benefiting from male privilege, regardless of the actions that they’re taking (or not) to better that situation.  People in positions of privilege have to acknowledge that privilege in order to be able to better the situation, and by separating yourself out as “not one of those men”, you’re saying “it’s not my problem because I’m one of the good ones, so I don’t have to think about myself critically or alter my behavior in any way.”  That said, I think Iliza is right that that stance can be taken too far and serve to alienate the men who are allies in the feminist fight for equality.  

Then, Iliza equates the phrases “all men are bad” and “all women are sluts”.  I think this is a bad take; “all men are bad” is a generalization made by a marginalized group about a powerful group that they’ve been victimized by.  Every woman I know has had some type of intimidating, frightening, dangerous, humiliating, or dehumanizing experience with a man during their lifetime.  “All women are sluts” is a powerful group insulting a group that they marginalize, with the intention of controlling that group’s actions (by making them feel ashamed of being “slutty” they’ll stop being “sluts).  “Slut” is also particularly charged in this scenario, because it centers maleness.  What is a slut?  A slut is (usually) a woman who sleeps with men but who won’t sleep with the man calling her a slut.  Which, coming full circle, is why some women say “all men are bad”.  

I get their larger point that generalizations are rarely helpful, but again, they’re making this false equivalency between a political slogan (”all men”), a gendered insult (“all women are sluts”), and random, unhelpful advice, (”women want you to slow down in the bedroom”).  In the first case, the generalization serves a purpose- it’s to let men know that they’re not exempt because they’re a “good guy”.  In the second case, it’s an insult that contributes to a gendered power structure.  In the third case, it’s just shorthand for “the majority of women that we’ve surveyed” because repeating that phrase over and over again will take away from the point they’re trying to make (that maybe you could be better in bed by listening to the sluts, Joe).

All in all, I like this one better than the first one, but Joe Rogan hasn’t grown on me over the course of watching these videos.

[hazbinextgeneration]

Into The Casino Ch8

A silence fell onto the three in the car. Those seemingly glowing red eyes calmly met her own worry filled purple ones. The fact that he was so calm in his reply was scary enough as it is but that's not what scared her most, it's the fact his answer was that nothing down there was free. Which meant he wanted something from her- He leaned forward slightly and held out a hand to her. "How about a story in exchange?" She stared back...Well, wasn't expecting that. He chuckled at the confusion on her face. "Oh come now. You can't blame me for being the tiniest bit curious, after all you only gave a small drabble to the entire tale?" "...E-Excatly what story?" She got a bad gut feeling at his laugh.

"Yours of course. I can't help but wonder how a pure little thing like you could possible anger a Goddess so much that you'd end up in a chaotic place like this." His smile widened as he saw the suspicious look on her face. "You can't blame me for asking. I have to know everything about the ones I employ, as an employer you should know that the ones I hire also reflect on my company." Her suspicious look faltered a bit. I mean, technically that was true. You wouldn't want to come back somewhere where you didn't like the people working there, and it didn't sound like he was anything but curious. Then again you could never know with things like this. Would something bad happen if she didn't say anything? Would it be unwise to say anything at all? Try to change the subject? Looking back to those blood red eyes, she decided to play It safe and go for something in the middle. "W-What's there to know?" She straightened up and attempted to brush it off like her death wasn't really anything important with a shrug. "My stupid consort killed the beloved pet of a God, he lost everything and I being the oh so engaged lady at the time got d-dragged into it all!" Whoops! Mistake one. Showing emotions. That last few words seemed to get some emotion into her. Because right now she was staring at the floor and it almost looked like she was about to cry. His brow rose and he hummed at the mixture of anger and sorrow in her features, well this was a surprise turn of events. Now wasn't it? It was interesting to see something other than just intimidation or fear on those little features. Don't get him wrong. It was glorious to see such traits he could mold to his use, but it would get tiring if he couldn't get some resistance out of her after all. Where would the fun be then or the glory? An easy win was nice but a rewarding one was much better satisfying.~ He calmly hummed and leaned back into his seat. A fake uninterest coming over him with a shrug. "Lots of lovers doom their spouses down here. It's a sad but common story amongst the crowd...but of course-" His eyes flashed an underlining tone. "Not many people can clam the tragity of the romantic tale gone wrong. Most go on with their new strengths gained from it." "I don't have anything like that." Mistake number two. Admitting you're weak in the presence of a stronger demon. She had just unintentionally admitted she wasn't very strong willed or at least didn't have much magic to begin with. Which was exactly what he was hoping she would say. Internally he smiled, but on the outside he gave a very convincing surprised look. To which cyber smiled and rolled her eyes at as she silently continued to watch play out. Oh Lou, such the actor. "On come now. Surely you must be mistaken. A thing like you must have some remarkable talent if you survived this long down here." Without looking up she just shrugged and leaned back into the seat. "Not really. All I can do is teleport and explode when Im scared enough, not like it's even useful." His smile slowly returned. "But...It has killed before? Right?" She shrugged again. "Only a few times, haven't been out long enough to keep count." Mistake number three. She had unintentionally made herself the target of another demon's sights. Whether or not dangerous doesn't matter. His smile came back in full swing. OH! What a naïve little delight this was, and WHAT a convenience for him. He would have to remember to thank whatever good luck sent this opportunity his way because this was more delicious than any drug he could possibly eat! Cyber must've been reading his thoughts because she smiled along with the obvious thought plastered all over his face. POWER!! He could gain control over the entire neighborhood with this new tool by his side, all those angry faces of the ones who dared to ever threaten him, turning into ones of fear. Begging for mercy before they would be forever be turned into piles of DUST!! "Lou?" His attention was snapped back to the smaller demon next to him who was nudging him in his side. Cyber nodded her head towards the open car door and he realized they had stopped driving. "We're home." ******************************************************************************* Music blared about around the club and idiots danced and partied to it. He never really did like the whole setting of drunken morons dancing or the flashy lights, or the shady looking people in the corner who would stop and stare you down if you even looked like if you were eaves dropping on your conversations. But the pay was good and his husband worked here. So in some ways the pros outweighed the cons in his opinion, but being Rita's little errand runner all the time definitely wasn't what he signed up for when he agreed to this whole manager position. And he also ran into his most hated person in hell so now that made his day a million times worse. They carried the bags through the tight nit crowd and towards the employee's only door behind the bar. The door was pushed open and the two made their way in. "It's about time you two showed up. What took you so long?" "Shut up, Jasper! I had enough of today as it is." He growled to the lazy demon laying on the lounge's couch and headed towards the table in the corner. Throwing the bags onto it and heading to the employee's fridge above it. His partner being more cool headed watched with a raised brow as Charles helped himself to the canned ice tea in the back. At least he wouldn't have to worry about him getting drunk and angry today. "What crawled up your skull and died this time?" "Can it, Jasper. He's not in the mood." The demon mumbled 'When is he ever' but sank back down into the couch, rolling his eyes, he glanced back to Charles who was downing one of the tea cans. "Babe. Take it easy on those. Last time you spit some out of your eye socket." The can was slammed back to the table and the ghost skeleton slumped onto the table. "I can't help it. You know what I think about him. I don't care what Rita says, Im going to kill him one of these days." He rolled his eyes and sighed. "Him who? He paused and looked around. Ans smiled. "Well speak of the demoness. Hiya Bosslady." The small lady standing there gave them both a raised brow and he shrugged and leaned back onto the table. "Got your stuff. Don't mind the 'extra baggage' we brought along." Rita smiled amused at him and sashayed her way over to his side, grabbing one of the bags as she did and bringing it down to peer inside. "I trust there wasn't any trouble?" "No." "Yes!" She peered back up at Charles with a questioning look and he gave a small growl. "Horrible wilted leaf." "Oh, it's just Lou again." She tutted and looked back to the bag in her grip. Honestly Charles could be such a drama queen about the whole thing. Even just mentioning the plant demon around him was enough to- excuse the term- rattle his bones for the rest of the week. Which happened fairly often if she wasn't mistaken. "Don't you have anything better to do with your time than just mope on him?" "She's right. Cheer up, Baby." He gave the skeleton a playful shove which earned him an annoyed glare. "Oh come on.~ Don't be like that. Could be worse. You could've ended up with a furry fetish like plant boy." That one earned him a couple chuckles from his husband finally, making him smile wider. "See! I knew you could do it." "Furry fetish?" Rita gave him a questioning look before chuckling and pulling one of the more expensive looking clothes out of her bag. "So he finally convinced...oh what's her name- Midnight to fall for him. Heh. Ever persistant." "No actually...Well I don't know, but that's not what I was talking about." Rita giving him a 'What do you mean' look made him shrug before continuing. "Looks like he got a new toy ta mess with. Don't know what he's gonna do this time though. Mostly horse around. hehe." "Really?" Interest peeked in her voice. Well of course this wasn't any of her business, the opportunity to snoop around and get a leg up on her frenemy-.....rival was always too good to pass up. Besides, it was always fun to tease him and get under his skin given the chance. A smile curled on her lips. "Oh. Well he wanted an answer from me anyways. Maybe it's time I do a little wellness check on his place." "Are you sure it's just not to see the lovebug-" "SHUT UP, JASPER!!"

All characters except Amalfia belongs to @palettepainter

[gg-astrology]

Hi! 💗 I just saw your explanation of Saturn in aspect to Moon and Mars, soooo good! Can you please explain Venus(1st house/Cancer) opposite Saturn (7house/Capricorn)? Also Uranus is in conjunction with Saturn, meaning in opposition with Venus 😔😔😔 so hard!

aaaaa thank u so much!! 🖤💖🦇 im glad it might’ve helped? or resonated? 🖤💖🦇 

For the Venus/Saturn Opposition Person + Cancer/Capricorn ⬇️

I think.. hm.. let me test this out. But maybe a way to think about this is Venus being kinda moist, cold and with moisture. Maybe we can think of moisture as care. The person caring/taking care of others when they feel the cause is concerning, due to compassion/care for others and the willingness to put that forward. And Saturn being dry, which makes it hard for Venus to get that kinda care that it wants properly/fully or to receive it back from others.  

I’m.. probably not gonna touch on temperaments in astrology today since I’m saving it for the traditional astro series? But just to start us off - you can see how Venus needs certain things but Saturn can often pull it back, taking on a somber and more critical approach - play it safe, telling Venus to tread carefully with receiving things back from others/giving to others. It doesn’t take things for granted, when dryness comes it’s often associated to lack of resources and thus, gathering (think fall/autumn). However, this can make the person adept at giving to others without truly opening up to let themselves receives back especially because they have to think they deserve the reward they get for their ‘efforts’ (hard-work) -- it becomes an idea/mantra that things couldn’t come as easy to them as it does for everyone else that they repeat sometimes.

This is self-limitation in a way, since Venus can make things come easier for us. But the Venus/Saturn opposition person may often think they are different bc they see others achieving recognition/fulfilling romantic relationships it much easier than they do. Most likely it’s driven towards themselves, what am I not doing, what do I need to do, how do I get better or be better at it. What’s wrong with themselves (self-blame) rather than other people or just not meeting someone right yet. It may be due to taking things too seriously, needing certain things from others or our lack of attempts to give things a try and tread too carefully sometimes that we begin to hold ourselves back from it as well, which is something to cautiously look over and observe that we don’t put ourselves into such a box like that (bc they can stubbornly not try to help themselves change their mind/get out of that mindset later on- Saturn). 

Attempting to get out is always a good idea, most of what the Cancer Venus here may have a problem here with is the fear of rejection, dejection or imprinting bad experience/traumatic memories of it due to ‘trying’ something new and it not turning out well (unexpectedly bad, expectedly bad is possible but not as impactful as unexpectedly bad. But-- we can’t expect/predict everything if we haven’t experienced it before personally? Emotional imprint a certain interaction has on us stays with Cancer for a while, it becomes foundation for growth but the person doesn’t truly open up because they still haven’t processed the other side of the story/open up to it yet/until they’re ready to face it.) 

Alas, what is life if we don’t attempt changes and stop getting grudges that hinder us but not others? That’s something else to work through though so we’ll leave it alone for now.  

Venus self-expression can be stifled/have boundaries set by Saturn in a way. Where we do our best to express ourselves (and often successfully) but we often come home feeling not truly fulfilled bc we don’t think we should take the path that truly free us from it all. We like certainty, and we like directions that brings us forward (Capricorn Saturn) but to truly be fulfilled, sometimes we unknowingly sacrifice the present/opportunities to be loved back in order to achieve what Saturn/Uranus wants instead (thinking too much about the bigger picture that we neglect to nurture and really dedicate ourselves to the smaller parts). 

It’s also possible for the person to be criticized by authority figures in their past, most often for their personality/self-expression or lack-thereof. Expectations to achieve something, be someone, do something often propels the person forward but with this ‘objectivity’ they often sacrifice their own exploration/nurture of themselves emotionally as well. 

Most likely they might’ve become an excellent example of what others expect of them (a bit of a perfectionist tendency) but that- makes failure all the more harder to bear when there’s no perfect ‘guidelines’ on how to achieve great popularity truly, or charm people into falling irrevocably in love with them that satisfies themselves profoundly (not just, y know, the ego or the surface idea of things.) 

This is because Saturn demands profound and sincere investments/attachments, whilst Venus desires and can attract things for the person- but these can often not be mutually exclusive, and the person may be looking at a venn diagram focusing on the part where 1. they do have people 2. there are people who do care for them a lot 3. then where are all the people who fulfill them like this personally, want to go somewhere with them and can bring them forward? like others do?   

Thus, reluctance sometimes to try things/look at things outside of their own perspective/personal desire because they - well, for the lack of better terms, isn’t looking to expand or open up to something new sometimes even when they say they are. Which is the main thing here. 

So. Venus/Saturn opposition. Maybe the person knows and sees the way they do things. But they know it’s different from others. Maybe they’re not - y know, flirtatious or willing to try things out as much as others. Maybe they don’t get out there as much, feels inadequate due to lack of experience. Maybe they feel like their friend seems to attract more people than they do, and thus they can’t talk about the subject because? what is there to talk about?

Even if the person hasn’t felt or thought any of this - Venus/Saturn opposition still talks about the subject of relationships and money, and how they may self-pity sometimes or feel guilt over ? well, technically their own complex. A mantra or conscious thoughts become a complex over time if you let it fester. Believing and truly giving yourself a chance, having faith and truly believing that you are worthy is already a good step to have.

Half of the time, they may reject others based on a subconscious need to do so because. Well not to sound? mean? but half the time it’s because they don’t believe in their own worth or they don’t/can’t see themselves like that. They can’t see, and thus they don’t try. Which is? to be completely honest a fools thing to do because- how do we expect anyone to have experience/see something for themselves if we haven’t experienced it before? It’s like applying for a job and the person not believing they could do it? Or not applying for a job and losing an opportunity because they don’t have work experience straight out of college? Do they just expect themselves to have job experience without a job before?

Anyways, my point being: qualifications for a position can be daunting, but you can’t lose opportunities because of that. Most places still have pass-overs or train their employees. Same thing here - letting yourself believe you deserve it and that you want it, and then demonstrating that and putting yourself out there is the key.

Does it make sense? Like not to sound like such a Capricorn but with Venus/Saturn opposition like this. Sometimes we really don’t know what to expect or what is good for us. And that’s okay, the hold up here is the person themselves and how they treat themselves sometimes. Even if it’s not conscious - the subconscious of the person may just tell them they aren’t good enough or deserving of a good relationship. 

Which is the core of the problem, telling yourself you’re good enough, not having expectation of what that ‘good’ is (because how can we truly know without the experience to be honest, something may come up and triumph what we already consider to be ‘great’ and we? are we really willing to not pursue that bc we don’t ‘deserve’ it? sounds like a fool )  - and allowing yourself to feel confident, secure and open to opportunities is the key here.

So. You can see. This isn’t about sacrifice here. You’re not technically sacrificing anything except the worst part of yourself. The part that holds you back from truly fulfilling both Venus and Saturn actually. Both would be very happy for you to not put yourself or let yourself down due to your expectations sometimes, or playing such a long waiting game for no reason except using your need for security/‘standards’ as an excuse to not use the opportunity/be open to it? 

Anyways. Yeah! 🖤💖🦇I hope that’s not too much? 🖤💖🦇 Basically, there’s a program inside of us that can be subtlety giving out the message of ‘boundaries, warning, stay away’ when we actually should give the other way a try (attracting, indulging and being in love). But yes, so anyways. I hope this? uh, relates? or is somewhat ok to read? 🖤💖🦇I’m basically saying there’s - we can expect so much from ourselves sometimes (Venus/Saturn) and thus, we tend not to trust others to have the same standard or hold up what we need, we don’t want to set ourselves up for disappointment. But that’s unfair to us, not to mention cowardly to not let ourselves trust or open up or attempt sometimes. But yeah! 🖤💖🦇

[thesagedahlia]

💔Vanessa Hudgens & Austin Butler💔

This was a request that I should have hopped on when I had the chance, because I PROBABLY could have prepped y'all for this. I'll be honest, I wasn't drawn to it right away because I felt a proposal in the air for them & I figured "oh, they're doing great, there may not be that much to report on 🥴😵"...boy, was I wrong. Little did I know, 'proposal in the air' meant literally. I did come across an interview that Vanessa had with People TV back on the 23rd of May, just last year. She was briefly asked about if she & Austin were going to be walking down the aisle, before insisting to move on (which kinda struck me as 'she prolly sick of that question, she prolly ask it too much her damn self'). But her response was as follows; "As a woman, y'know, I'm not the person to be like 'hEy, EyE'm DoInG tHiS', it's all about the man (making the gesture). When it comes to that, it's like, it's in the guy's court, y'know?", & as the interviewers asked "so, if he takes the lead, you'll be there to follow?", to which she replied, "I mean, I've been her for 7 years, I don't think I'm going anywhere." (.....oh, you went somewhere sis 🤭). But as the interviewer wanted to know if she's been pressing the issue, she proceeded to shoo the topic away, as it was getting "too personal". 🤔🤔 didn't think much of it, UNTIL I thought about putting myself in her shoes...why would EYE stick around for 7-9 years & NOT even have the topic discussed? Most importantly, since it clearly WAS discussed, what sort of hold up would you be willing to sit through to be "strung along"? That's when it hit me...somebody didn't want to get married...& from the interview that I saw...I had to guess it wasn't Vanessa 🕵🏾‍♀️🕵🏾‍♀️

**DISCLAIMER**

I am not declaring, nor am I insinuating, that anything I say in my predictions are true accounts of any of the parties involved. This reading is for entertainment purposes only, & should only taken as such. All in good fun, folks 🤷🏾‍♀️🧿

💔What caused the breakup❓💔

I'm picking up on a fear of a new cycle or transition within their commitment, & it feels like it is coming from Austin. I'm feeling he wasn't totally ready to be locked down in that way (I'm feeling marriage), & Vanessa felt she had to walk away. She began to make it clear what she wanted from him out of the relationship, & Austin doesn't seem to be in a place where he knows what he want. He seemed to be moving very slow in actually proposing to Vanessa, & she wasn't in the position to be holding out for him any longer. Austin was very much back & forth on his decision to propose & get married. He was becoming clouded & confused by the bigger picture, & he wasn't thinking or looking deeply into making the gesture. He basically self-sabotaged his sure deal with Vanessa, because he was reluctant to open up to the opportunity. I'm getting that his intuition is clouded. Im also getting a lot of inner conflict on his part, whereas Vanessa was very adamant & vocal on what she wanted out of the relationship. I'm feeling very strongly that Vanessa wanted marriage, & he was of course very aware of this. Though marriage was to be the next step for them, I feel like she intuitively knew she was going to be single for a while. This was a disruption in their relationship, but it doesn't feel permanent; they feel like they've spent past lives together. I feel divine guidance in the connection, where they may be able to work things through & get back together. It feels like eventually they will return to each other. This break up feels like it needed to happen so they can each take time out figure out what will truly make them happy.

💔Vanessa's current feelings toward Austin❓💔

She feels like their relationship was due to take on a deeper level of commitment, & I feel like she was emotionally prepared for it, but she ended up waiting some time for him to take the lead & make them move. It feels like she has been holding out for Austin to propose. She began to see herself as single, since there wasn't an official declaration of engagement. Her patience in waiting & investing in their 9 year long relationship began to wear on her emotional, & she came to realize that he may be stringing her along just to keep the balance in their relationship (not purposely, but not quick to propose). I feel like even family members of hers had their opinions; the typical 'when are you getting married already?' or 'it's taking him awfully long to propose it's been what, 9 years now?'. She may also feel like his busy schedule has distracted him or delayed the process.

💔Austin's current feelings toward Vanessa❓💔

He acknowledges that he was devastated when she left, but he also felt he was working & providing for the relationship, & that he felt a family & marriage couldn't happen unless he was fully capable to do it financially. He also felt that they were able to succeed & grow until then, & he was ready to build a legacy with her. He didn't feel he had enough to offer her financially as he was comfortable, but he also wasn't in the right amount of emotional stability to make the loving gesture to propose; he was focused on the finances of it all. So ultimately, he didn't feel ready for marriage. He wasn't prepare to be open to taking the lead to propose, & I feel like he needs to come into some clarity regarding something that he feels like is keeping him from being open & comfortable to propose, & it feels like a lack of emotional comfortability. He was detached emotionally, which led to her departure; he in turn need to work on that if he ever expects to win her back (he better have that ring in hand❗)

💔What lies in the future for this connection❓💔

As I said before, Vanessa has stopped waiting for Austin to make the move she has been anticipating. Austin knows damn well what he has to do if you wants to get Vanessa back, because as of right now, she's single, & I wouldn't be surprised if she's mingling. He seems to be well aware of where Vanessa stand with him & what she will need from him in the relationship, & he seems to be needing to listen to his intuition when it comes to the relationship. He seems to be trapped in fear at this time, & he may be using his work as a distraction. He seems very stubborn and unwilling to compromise, even though he is deeply saddened by this loss. The ball is in his court, but he is fumbling. Austin will need to begin to take the relationship seriously & honor his commitments with Vanessa, & that will be sacrificing his comforts and facing what he truly fears when it comes to marriage. It's safe to say he is holding back at this time, & Vanessa is moving on. She is hopeful for her own endeavors, & she is entering a new phase in her life. She is also having patience that she will have a family someday with someone who will be emotionally committal, even if that isn't Austin. She plans to continue standing her ground when it comes to her love life, because she has a deep seated passion to get married & settle down. If they come back together, it may take some time & effort before they become anything serious again, but as of right now they aren't speaking with one another.

[fairycosmos]

So im going to be doing psychiatric inpatient tomorrow and im horribly frightened. My s.o. and friends want me to go, but the idea of being trapped without home comforts and the people I love scares me so much Ive considered running away from the hospital or convincing them I dont need it. I know that my depression and psychosis is getting worse and I probably need the help, but im upset that the people I care about would rather send me away than just, be supportive. Any advice?

hey love. well first of all i just want to say that i’m really fucking proud of you for reaching out in the first place. that’s literally a monumental step to take, and it requires unbelievable strength, which you obviously have. honestly, i think that you’re allowed to be scared. you’re completely allowed to not want to go, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. fear of the unknown, of change, of talking about what’s going on in your head, of not being around your family - those are all stressful experiences, and terror is a natural human reaction to them. you dont have to push it away, you’re not wrong for feeling it. it would be weird if you weren’t afraid, actually, especially at this point. it’s alright to just process it, and to work through it one hour at a time. or one minute at a time, if an hour seems like too much. but it’s not alright to let these emotions control you completely, or to let them blind you, or to cope with them in an unhealthy way. that’s the distinguishing line - it’s the difference between having a thought, and actually acting on it. the truth is, you don’t know what it’s going to be like. when you’re overly anxious, your mind kind of convinces you that negative thoughts are 100% true, but that’s not the case. your worries are not premonitions. the future doesn’t even exist yet, it’s not something that is currently in your control. while the hospital will probably be sad and uncomfortable, it’s likely that it will also be relieving and peaceful. you have to take the good with the bad, and let that be enough. think of the worst case scenario, and the best case scenario, and prepare yourself for it turning out to be somewhere in the middle, in actuality. it’s wonderful that you can recognize that you actually do need help. the level of self awareness you have could save your life. that’s a tangible fact that you can hold on to. when your brain tries to tell you that you dont need to talk to anyone, or when the anxiety takes over, you can always ground yourself in reality. and the reality of it is that you’re not well. but support is available, and your current situation is not where you’ll always be. you’re not alone. there’s no shame in needing treatment, you know? your mental health is just as important as your physical health, and sometimes it needs intense care in order to improve, just like any other bodily ailment. please, please try to constantly bring your mindset back to looking after yourself. please try to keep that your top priority, even when you don’t feel capable, even when you’re afraid. you’re not going to regret doing what’s right for you, ever. it sounds cliche, and it sounds like bullshit, and maybe it’ll take a while before you actually believe me but eventually, you will. seeking professional guidance and truly looking into your options will allow you to figure out the root causes of your mental illness, which will then allow you to finally confront them adequately. having someone to talk to consistently, working closely with people that are trained specifically to help you, figuring out your own self destructive patterns and then actively working on refuting them - all of that will add up. every single effort you make is going to pay off.  your future self is going to thank you.

i know it may seem like the people that care about you are just ‘sending you away’, and i can certainly see why your mind would want you to believe that. but i really do think that they think that putting you in hospital is going to help you more than it will hurt you. they want you to be safe and healthy so that they can spend more time with you in the future, and so you dont have to live with all of the pain and heaviness that you’ve been living with so far. a depressive brain will ALWAYS make it look like everyone is sick of you, or like nobody understands, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. of course, i dont know what the dynamic is like with your family, but i’m certain that there are at least some people in your life that are genuinely doing this with good intentions. i’m not saying you shouldn’t feel the way you do, because i can 100% understand why you perceive the situation like that, i’m just saying there is more than one side to it. it’s not as black and white as just wanting to ‘send you away’, you know? in addition, you’ll be amazed at your own ability to adapt and to grow and to improve. if you’re honest with the professionals, and if you’re willing to just give it a go, then that’s what matters the most. the simple act of trying is more than good enough, man. not having home comforts, and not seeing your family as much will obviously be very upsetting. that’s to be expected, therefore it’s something you can prepare yourself for. something you can work through. you can come to terms with it at your own pace, in your own way. you will learn how to handle it because you have the tools to do so, and that’s really all you need. running away from the hospital wont change anything, and convincing people that you’re okay when you’re not could have disastrous consequences, and is also rather unlikely. it’s clear that the best choice you can make at this moment in time is to  put yourself first utterly and completely. even before your own fear. it’s a lot easier said than done, i know. and since it’s the day before you have to go, this is the worst it’s going to be in terms of how scared you are. but you dont want to look back in a few months or a few years and regret not grabbing the opportunity to get help when it was right in front of you. and that fact is far more important than any temporary emotional turmoil that you’re dealing with. it may help to talk to your parents or a family member/friend about how you’re feeling tonight, so that you dont need to carry the worry all on your own. 

again, i’m extremely proud of you. and i think you’re going to do so so well. you just need to give yourself a fair chance, that’s all. this process isn’t supposed to be easy or comforting, especially not at first, but it’s also not going to be anywhere near as bad as you think it’s going to be. i’m sorry angel, i get that it’s difficult, and i wish there was something i could actually do for you. but i’m rooting for you so so much. you’re strong, capable, worthy and loved. and you’re a good person. even if you cant see it at the moment. your happiness and mental well being is so important. the hospital stay isn’t going to last forever, but what you learn there might. i’m sending you all of the love in my heart. i seriously hope you’re able to find the peace that you deserve. i’ll keep you in my thoughts. i’m always here if you need a friend, or if you want to talk about it properly. hit me up any time.

[littlebitoffanfic]

How the Bowers Gang would ask you out

How the Bowers gang would ask you out on a date: Henry: Being someone who is so used to people just doing as he says, he would almost be demanding at first. He would probably come up to you after school or when no one is around because he doesn’t want to be rejected in front of other since he can easily deny it if no ones about. “What you doing Saturday night?” He would say, not even greeting you. He would see you jump, but convinced himself he had just startled you. Of all in the school (outside his friends) you were the only one who didn’t look at him in fear but with a degree of warmth and caring in your eyes. “Nothing.” You would answer, ducking your head. “We’re going to the cinema.” He’d state, meaning for it to be more of a choice but not doubling back on himself for fear of seeming weak in front of you. But when you look up at him, he would avoid your eyes. Henry would instantly scold himself, wanting nothing more than to run away from you right now but he knew he couldn’t. “Are we?” You would ask, shyly but with a small smile on your cheek. “Yeah, 7 oclock?” This time, he would ask. You were different than other he knew. With everyone else, he wanted to take their control of him away, but with you, he is more than willing to give it up. “you know, if we meet at 6, we could grab a bit to eat.” You’d offer and Henrys knees would nearly give way. In truth, he never thought you would ever go for a date with him, let alone offer to spend more time than necessary with him. So all he would be able to do is nod. “I cant wait.” You would bounce on the balls of your feet, grinning widely at him before the two of you parted ways. Henry would quickly decide he liked seeing you happy and would pummel anyone who made you upset again. Patrick: Much like Henry, it would be more of a demand expect he would mean it. Most probably in a public in the school at break time. He would walk up to you when you are at your locker and lean beside you. “Me and you, cinema, Saturday.” He’d state, as if he was stating a fact like the time. He would chuckle when you jumped at turned to look at him with wide eyes that he adored. He would give widely at you, running his tongue over his lower lip, knowing by the way your eyes darted down that you liked it when he did that. “Its called a date.” He would push himself off the lockers he was leaning against and stand at his full height in front of you. You would have to tilt your head back to look at him, so he would duck down slightly, taking your chin between his thumb and index finger. “What’d ya say.” He purr. “What time would we meet?” You would ask, tilting your head to the side, a smile tugging at your lips. This would make him smirk, secretly over the moon you were interested. “7.” He’d smirk. “and… what time would I get home?” You would return his smirk and he hear the purr in your voice that sent a shiver down his spin, but he didn’t lose his cool. “Movies about 2 hours, soooo…. 12.” He would wink at you, wanting to see how far you would go with so many people around the both of you, and their attention directly on your both. “It’s a date.” You’d nod, pushing some books into your locker, closing it, and leaving. Patrick would watch you go, a smirk pulling at his lips. He knew it would be an interesting date. Vic: Vic is probably the best with girls out of the whole group. Henry and Patrick were so intense and Belch’s name alone was enough to drive girls away. So Vic took on the role as wingman quite a lot, but never asked a girl out for himself. Unlike Patrick, he wouldn’t do it in public, or at least not school. Chances are it would be spontaneous. And not around the others. He would be passing you in the street, when something might happen to make him talk to you. “Oh, Vic, do we have homework for Science?” You would call to him and turn, your eyebrows knitted together as you thought. He would turn to you, jumping at the opportunity to speak to you. “Im not sure. Not the homework type.” He would shrug, but knew he had to say something else or you’d walk away. The lady’s man in him would kick in and he would walk up to you, stopping when he was only a foot away from you. “You look at him and think of homework?” You would giggle, shaking your head. “No, no, no. I saw you and Science is the only class I have with you.” You would explain, not realising that this was what Vic needed to ask you out. He just needed to see you thought of him. “You don’t have to wait till Sciences. What about tomorrow?” He would purr, taking a note from Patrick. “As long as its not to do homework.” You’d giggle, making Vic laugh. “How about the cinema. I think theres a showing at 7.” Vic hoped his memory was correct. Especially when you smiled and he saw the hope and excitement in your eyes. “Sounds like a plan.” You nod, confirming the plans before turning and walking away. Vic would be proud of himself, not only did he ask out a girl he liked, but you had said yes. Safe to say, he would be bragging. Belch: Much like Vic, it would be spontaneous. But unlike Vic, would wouldn’t really have much experience with girls. It would probably be last minute because it was spontaneous. He would just happen to glance in the window of the little shop and see you at 4.30pm on a Saturday. Panic would set in but he would see the cinema time displayed on the board. He wouldn’t actually see what the films were. He would just see a showing at 7 that night. So he would dart inside. “[y/n]?” He would call on you as you browsed the magazines. He would try to be cool, thinking of the way Patrick would lean on lockers but would probably slip and stumble a bit. He would hear a giggle and look at you, seeing you holding the magazine you had been reading over your lips to hid your smile. But then he would see your eyes. They weren’t unkind, like Henry or Patricks would be if he tripped, it was more amused and curious. And above all else, kind. In fact, it was the only thing keeping him from running away from you right now. But it didn’t completely clear his head enough to make a coherent sentence. “7!” He’d suddenly blurt out, causing you to lower the magazine but your smile never left your lips. “Im sorry?” Youd ask, completely confused but you would move towards him. “Uh, movies…” He’d stumble, but then the dread would set in and he’d realize how he was acting. It would calm him down but not in a good way as he gave up. “I was gonna ask if you wanted to go to the movies tonight at 7. Never mind.” He would totally avoid your eyes as he turned and walked quickly out of the store. He would be half way down the street, dreading what the guys were going to say when they found out about this when he felt a small arm link around his right one. “Its almost 5. Theres no point parting ways if we’re going to the cinema at 7.” You would giggle, looking straight ahead as you spoke before looking at up him. Belch would feel like he was walking on air as the two of you walked down the street. “We could go for a ride.” He’d nod to his car which was parked just up the road. You would grin and nod before he’d guide you to the car, even opening the door to allow you to get in. Of course, he would leave out the middle part as to how he asked you out when he told the gang, but for now, he was too happy to even care.

[theantisocialcritic]

Archive Project - January 2, 2012 - Gaming in 2011

Since this fall was one of Gamings most exhaustive with over a dozen AAA titles in less than three months, i thought Id share my opinion about some of them and review the ones I played....        Full list: Dead Island, Gears of War 3, RAGE, Batman Arkham City, Battlefield 3, Uncharted 3, Sonic Generations, Modern Warfare 3, Skyrim, Halo Anniversary, Assassins Creed Revelations, Saints Row The Third, Super Mario 3D Land, Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword, Mariokart 7 (3DS), Just Dance 3, Star Wars: The Old Republic. -Dead Island: I've never been a fan of the whole Zombie franchise, not because they are bad games, but because ive had to be selective in my gaming purchases. Everything i've heard about Dead Island however has been very good and is probably the best zombie game of 2011. I wouldn't know though. -Gears of War 3: This long awaited title is debatably the most anticipated game of 2011, and definitily the most anticipated Xbox title. The title finishes off the Gears of War trilogy with a satisfiying (though cheesy) resolution to end the Locust War. -RAGE: Anticipation for RAGE was high as shared development between Id software and Bethesda Softworks, two of gamings most notable companies, brought the title to life. The game was expected as a mix of DOOM and Fallout, an action packed, open world, first person shooter with a detailed plot, amazing gameplay and hundreds of hours of gameplay. This was not the case. The game reported to have a low total length of about 10 hours and a weak storyline. Where RAGE shines however is in its gunplay and technical feats.  Overall this game is fair, but doesn't live up to either companies standards. -Batman Arkham City: Seperate from the movies and following the plot to Arkham Asylum, this game provides a deep look into the Batman Universe and is praised for its story and innovative gameplay. -Battlefield 3: Back in October I was DYING to play this game. It was the first major title this fall I was prepped to buy and I was excited to finally get a chance to keep up with the newest gaming buzz. Unfortunatly the release was less than ideal. It came out the week I was preoccupied with the Fall Play and I didn't get a chance to open it. By the time I finally had freetime to play games, Modern Warfare 3 had been released and I was itching to finally finish the storyline for that. Finally in late November I got my chance. I popped the game in my xbox and began the Campaign. Immediatly I enjoyed the game. However as time went on the Campaign seemed to drag on and on. I had a difficult time understanding the plot and the characters were difficult to relate to and feel emotions for (Unlike MW). Then I tried out the Multiplayer. I was not impressed. The maps were too large and the players were all far more experienced than I was, I didn't have much fun. Overall Battlefield 3 has amazing technology, but unless your willing to dedicate more time to it, then it isn't as much fun. -Uncharted 3: I don't own a Playstation, however reception for this game has been very good (Im assuming Nathan Drake is the Indiana Jones of Video Games). When I finally do break and buy one, this game is definitly on my list of games to try. -Sonic Generations: Old Sonic meets New Sonic, brushing aside the obvious cheesiness of this concept, the game seems to provide gamers with the chance to live out their favorite form of Sonic games. But since ive never been a strong fan of the series it means little to me personally. -Modern Warfare 3: I bought this game for the sole purpose of defeating Makarov! (Oh I can hear the COD fans screaming right now). Ive never been a fan of COD multiplayer. Ive gotten into it recently but its vastly different then the games im used to. Ever since Black Ops, Activision has been publishing really crapped COD titles that simply reskin the previous game with new graphics and stories, barely changing the gameplay or multiplayer at all. This game is basically a $60 addon for Modern Warfare 2. Not only that but they expect gamers to pay an additional $50 for multiplayer upgrades. Frickin heck!!!! -Skyrim: OH FRICK YES! When I first heard of Skyrim about 8 months ago it didn't seem that big of a deal to me. It just seemed like a crappy sequel to Oblivion (which I didn't play). So I turned my attention elsewhere, notably to the newly revealed Halo 4. However about two months ago I began hearing alot about this game and how excited people were for it. I still wasn't interested. I had already sunk $180 in games already and Christmas was on the horizon so I continued to ignore it. News of Skyrim only increased after the release as all my gamer friends talked about it exclusively while I sat in the corner playing Halo. Eventually the buzz got too great and I broke and decided to rent a copy (not convinced I would like it). Just today I dedicated a few hours of my day and sat down to play it. Now I can safely say that I am in love with the game as much as any other. In a few hours I had climbed a mountain, discovered an ancient tomb and killed a fire breathing dragon. This game is definitly on the list of games I need to buy in the future. -Halo Anniversary: When I first heard about this in June, I was gitty with excitement. Like many I feared that Halo would die after Reach and that the series would never be as acclaimed as Call of Duty took over. As I watched the live E3 announcement I was filled with hope as a new decade of Halo games came into the light. For months I waited impatiently to play the new Halo title. I loved Halo 1 and I couldn't wait to see it in HD. Finally the day arrived. After a long day of school and an agonizing ride to the local Gamestop, I held the game in my hands. I brought it to my dad's apartment, turned on the Xbox and blasted my way through the Pillar of Autumn and across the surface of installation 04. I would have played all night if school hadn't directly followed. Though quickly the game grew old to me. Something ive noticed about Halo titles is that they have an amazing amount of replayability, but get old if over played. The game itself broke down into two features. One was the rebooted Halo 1 campaign, and the other was a map pack for Halo Reach. The games renewing quality was its reduced price tag of $40. Thus making Anniversary what Halo 3 ODST wanted to be. Overall a worthwhile purchase if all its aspects are to be respected. -Assassins Creed Revelations: I very specifically was not interested in this title. Why? Because the Assassins Creed Franchise is a buzzkill. I could have easily rented this title at the local Redbox for a mere $2 a night, played it and given it back. But no. I didn't. Why? Because the franchise is story driven by the previous title and hits a cliffhanger at the end of every game. Id have to play 1, 2 and brotherhood just to understand the plot prior to the game. I might as well just google the entire plot. Plus the gameplay is repetative. Jump off building, kill guy. Jump off building, kill guy. Jump off building, kill two guys. See my point? -Saints Row The Third: Its a ruder Grand Theft Auto clone. Enough said........ -Super Mario 3D Land: Back in November, I had been given the opportunity to hang out at the local gamestop while my mom was busy. As usual I took note of the various titles avaliable, asked some questions to the clerk and played some demos avalible. Notably the new Mario title. As with every Nintendo console, a Mario title is paired up to boost sales. With nothing better to do, I approached to sample 3DS (you know the one nailed to the wall) and played through the first level. Rarely do I enjoy a game the first time a play it. Usually the controls become a hastile and I dread my first experience. But the controls came naturally to me. The level was simple and fun and I honestly enjoys playing through it. When I finally buy my 3DS, Mario is one of the first titles I will buy. -Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword: There are not bad Zelda games, there are ones that dissapoint slightly or have frustrating features, but all the titles are quality titles worth their cost. I am not personally a zelda fan, but I have tremendous respect for the franchise and its fans. Skyward Sword is definitly a notworthy title. The game cronologically takes place before Ocarina of Time and Majoras Mask. The game however is vastly different in style from previous zelda titles and may alienate some fans. Overall the game is praised for its quality and story. I applaud Nintendo for ending the Wii's Lifespan with such a wonderful title and look forward to seeing what titles they have in store for the Wii U in terms of Zelda. -Mariokart 7 (3DS): Since the Nintendo 64, every Nintendo console has to have a mariokart game. They are fun, simple and bring in the bucks for our friends in Japan. Mariokart brings the same style of racing Nintendo characters to the 3DS and is worth the cost. -Just Dance 3: either you play motion sensitive games or you don't. If you like them and music games, then youll like it. If you don't, then you won't like it. Simple as that. -Star Wars: The Old Republic: A star wars MMO, not an original concept but definitly a profitable one. Following the success of Knights of the Old Republic and the huge following for MMOs like World of Warcraft, Lucasarts and Bioware came together to produce The Old Republic, allowing fans to make their own epic journey in the star wars universe. However the game is plagued with issues. Notably the fact that all players are forced into a waiting room upon signing into a server until enough room opens for them.

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #1 & 2: "so that was fun, and by fun I mean hell" - Ahrre

So I'm so confused right now lol. Like I feel like discord should have a similar format to skype, but maybe I'm just dumb and cant figure it out. Also the only people I know/heard of are on the other tribe which is fun. Hopefully I can set myself up so my lack of understanding Discord doesn't make me look like a liability to the rest of my tribe.

we legit just got into our tribes.. missus sweyn.. LOL. i legit don't know ANYONE!! APART FROM MY BABY RYAN!! LIKE WHO ARE THESE PPL? liek i've heard of rhys and malik from like other orgs but the other people like god.. why can't I just have my circlejerk like in emvv. ): and idk WHO IS EVNE ON THE OTHER TRIBE WHICH MAKES IT WORSE I COUD HAVE LIKE A BUNCH OF RLY STRONG PLAYERS who are gunna win every single immunity challenge.. and i ain't wantin to go premerge nnn. uhm. ya. thats my mood rn. Xo

Oh wow, hi it’s me, Mo. I’m going into this game with an advantage of not having a social life so I can be more active. I like my tribe so far everyone’s really nice. I only know Fabricio because he won the game I got PoTS on. But I think I’m going to withhold that information of him winning his last game because I kinda wanna be allies.

First impressions of my tribe, they’re pretty cute I guess I like people well enough but I’m always nervous about pre existing relationships people may have in other communities so that’ll be fun to manoeuvre around my plan is just to lay low be social and hopefully not stick out as a target

deadass the challenge has barely started and wes already has 2 images.. meanwhile his ass has prob spoke in the tribe chat like once and he aint comin in  my pms anytime soon so. LAMJHNFG . better hope his social game saves him over the physical x

this is my 3rd one already but this is important. linus is the first person to say haha to me. TWO! FUCKING! HA'S!!!!!! JUST SAY LOL!!!! SAY LMAO!!! IDGAF!! Omg this is geniunely my pet peeve and i wanna scream a a a a a  a a a a a  aa

Man, I'm back with Tobi from Survivor Ko Chang and that scares me to death. He claims he wants to start on a clean slate with me and work together again, but I don't trust him one bit and the first opportunity I have to take him out, I'm gonna do it, cuz I can't have somebody like him around. Bad for my game.

On the other hand of the spectrum, I know Michael from Zwooper and we've always had a good relationship so I think that's one person I can fully align with right out of the gate. I've also worked up some social connections with Dani, Jose and Ahrre so far, and they all seem pretty chill for the most part.

Right now, my focus is to win. I'm gonna go hard in this first immunity challenge and rack up as many points as I can. Losing the first challenge always sucks and I wanna make sure that doesn't happen for me again.

Okay im like mad excited to play this game. One Ive been kinda down, and this should help me be able to invest my time into something and potentially help me feel better.

Seeing this cast. I love it. I have really only worked with Felix in a past org before but we havent talked in ages. So I dont have any past connections which feels great because I hate people assuming were working together because were friends?. So this wont happen this season which is great.

So far my tribe is okay. Havent had a chance to speak alot to everyone yet. However the people I have done are alright. So far my favorite person is Scott or Scooty Toots. Hes British as well as me, he's 18 and we're both starting University without a clue what were doing. Like twins?!? So hopefully he feels the same way about me too.

Alliances are key. I want to make a few smaller ones to form a majority for me. Like two allainces of three. Giving me 4 allies. Not sure if this will happen soon or not, but its my goal to take control of this game, as Ive never done it before. I dont want to come across as controling however so smaller groups is the way to do it in my head.

Omfg y'all...... The game started like maybe 16 hours ago and I have barely spoken to most of my tribe bc I was a lil busy last night & had some damage control to handle in EMVV but like..... ??? I already found the idol in the Play Room CTFUUUU. We fucking stan. I immediately told my son Scooty because he's my bae.... I haven't had my hands on an idol in an org since like...... 703 San Marcos when I was voted out w it in my pocket (i think?? i cant remember any others so..) so BEST BELIEVE I'm going to use this correctly. THAT IS MY MAIN MISSION. I'm craving that satisfaction of a successful idol play...... I would love to cross that off my imaginary org goals list..... BUT WHEW I'M PUMPED.

I am making a pact with myself to not be an overly annoying gamebot this season because I just wanna have fun with it and make it a chaotic season, and this lil buddy is gonna allow me to be as extra and messy and turbulent as I please <3 big dick energy

Helloo so here I am doing this org thingy so you're stuck with my thoughts of regret until I die, or you could just not read them that's also an option.

Anyhow god save the queen blabla after more time that it should've taken me I get that I'm in one of two tribes of 9 which is kinda good because with snaller tribes I feel lime everything is more claustrophobic and shit hits the wall the moment we lose a challenge. But with 9 players imo I feel more relaxed.

So summary of who am I stuck with, there are a few who I know from before so let's start with that.

First off Jose, already played an org with him and we were good allies so my first instinct was to call him a bastard and hey he took it well so hopefully it will be a smooth sailing with that lad.

But after Jose I don't expect the meta to be kind to me.

Michael and Mo were both in my last org and I blindsided them both. Tbh they were good allies until that point so I'm more than willing to work with them in this game, hopefully they feel the same way.

But anyhow then there's Felix who I think I technically played with? We meet during a merge and he went out early without us ever talking much so really this is gonna be my first time really playing with him, he's the only one that I haven't talked to yet though I hope he gets online.

Then there's Tobi. I've heard of him and from the get go he strike me as a very straight shoot-y player. Those are always interesting to play with so let's see how that goes.

There's Dani, she seems nice and compared to Tobi she seems more social instead of strategy focused but then again it's been one day and I'm talking out of my ass.

Then there's jaylen who seems nice aswell even if I haven't talked much to him.

And finally David the absolute unit, and I say that bc he instantly started focusing on the challenge, which is a breath of fresh air plus he's Canadian so what's not to like thus far.

Talking about the challenge I get anxiety by just looking at it, scavenger hunts are always hard for me bc I live with people and I want them to remain thinking I am a normal member of society so I always need to be sneaky to do this crap, plus I don't have a car or anything so I have to use public transport if I need to go anywhere.

Apart from that well I would like to set up a 5 man majority alliance just to be safe, my only fear is the ever so feared overplaying-doom. But I feel like someone like tobi would jump on that idea pretty easily so I'll have a chat with him about that idea.

Oh and also look at me I remembered to guess for the idol TWO times in a row. I could die this very same week doesn't matter that's already an improvement on my usual gameplay.

Hi since I’m required to do these once an episode, I’ll use this one to talk about my tribe and maybe a few on the other tribe that I saw were on.

Guacamole - They seem fun. I talked with them last night, but our convo went short because we played jack box together. They seem nice though.

Linus - Mix feelings. I can get a completely loyal Linus here, or a cutthroat linus, so I’m kinda wary right now towards him but the vibes I’m getting I don’t think he’s going to be an issue, atleast for now.

Madison/Madisin - She was also at the jackbox last night and I enjoyed her, she was dying laughing at the games and I thought she was funny. So hopefully I get a chance to talk to her today.

Malik - Who? Let’s not talk about that bitch.

Rhys - He literally waits until we’re in a game to talk to me, so I peep it. And you could say I should reach out to him but it’s annoying when I have and he doesn’t do it until we’re in a game together. Boggles the mind. If I can overcome doing that, so can you. But I enjoy our current coversation as of the moment.

Ryan - We just played Mount Olympus together recently and that was a bust for us both. I’m kind of hoping we can be on the same side since it’s been a while since that’s happened. However, Ryan says he just wants to have fun so I don’t fault him if he does crazy things down the road!!

Scooter - I don’t know about him yet. We haven’t talked at all but he seems interesting. Maybe I can give a better opinion when we talk.

Steven - Very hilarious and I’m also intrigued by him. His thinking and way of talking during the jackbox had me DYING I loved it. I think he’s my new favorite new person here so far.

Wes - I only saw him once but we haven’t talked yet so idk what to say. He said he’s from ndims and is an alias of someone, I just don’t know if I know the alias since I was on that site also. But hopefully it could be someone who knows me as Orlando.

Now for the people I know on the other tribe:

Ahrre - I cant stand him too much after our last season of JPORG. He has this self righteous attitude to him and I don’t like it. However, I warmed up to him a bit during the movie times we had been present for awhile back so hopefully if we see each other again, I won’t have that opinion anymore.

Big Tuna aka Danielle - YASSS I love ha! I know her from the Skype minis and she’s amazing. I hope I finally get to play with her for once in a non mini game ❤️

Felix - Felix is a fucking wildcard. I love him, but he has really pissed me off in games in the past, and I’m hoping this one won’t be like those other ones.

Jaylen - A mess but a friend! He plays how he wants and doesn’t care what people thinks or tweaking it to better it but that’s Jaylen for you! Accept it or don’t phew.

Jose - He’s a fucking snake at times LOL but he’s lovely. I wouldn’t mind too much of being on a tribe with him.

That’s all from me for now so hope I stay around longer to see how this season goes!

so the tea is that this tribe is drier than an old lady's pussy and its so hard to talk to these people... there are no personalities... the only people i feel mildly happy talking to are ahhre and jose... and the tea is that both of them asked to be allies w me im like o ok sis lets do this so i have at least like 2 votes i know abt... and i know david from a prior org but thats not really a good thing bc i fucked him over hardcore and like... he knows im a snake LKJHDFSLK I really don't know how to maneuver strategically with this cast butttt ill try my best hehe

Oh wow!! I can't believe I haven't made a confessional yet what a shocker. BUT HI! I'm kind of just trying to get myself acquainted with everyone in the group, I'm not as active as I'd like to be :C but I'm trying my best teehee. On the first night or so Linus, Malik, Stephen, Madison and I played Jackbox games and it was SUPER LIT and We bonded over that and I'm v happy about thatttt. (ofc I already know madison and I already love her but I haven't talked to her in game yet aklsdjf) I just started talking with Scooty today, or Scooty? I might just call him Scooty, ANYWAY yeah we got to talk about how we type similarly and that was nice, we bonded over that and it was littY. I also got to talk to Rhys!! He also seems like a neat guy - I still haven't talked to him a lot but I think he's cool. I honestly don't know who else is on the tribe, Wes and Ryan right? Wes and I talked a little bit, but barely. and Ryan hasn't talked to me at all lmao. Hopefully right now I've made enough connections though. I'd like to make tribe swap so I can meet more people and make friends lololol - wish me luck gang!

I’m getting along with everyone really well so I know I won’t be the first fine at the very least so I just need to lay low laugh and Kiki with everyone and hopefully I can survive for the long term

I’m doing the Scavenger Hunt and knowing me I decided to wait till the last two hours to do everything I can. So now I have an hour and a half to film a bunch of videos

Okay so talking to my tribe Im begining to feel less at ease with them. Mostly because most of them hardly seem to talk. Which dosent bode well for me. Could mean im on the outs and they dont like me. Or that They're all inactive.

Madison seems like the easy boot right now just because like, who?!?. Shes not been around Ive messaged her once and she left me on read.

So Steven had to leave but we still have to do the challenge as if he was competing which PROBABLY means were going to tribal. So ive been working on getting an allaince going. Ive talked to Malik and Brought the Idea of us forming a trio with someone. Luckly he picked Linus because I talk to him aswell. So fingers crossed we can get that going.

I also have a great feeling from Scooty aka scott. So like Hopefully i can get another trio with him going aswell. So then I will be solid untiill a swap.

I do have a concern that Scott and Ryan are close and Malik and Linus are close. More so that I would be their second choice out of the trio if one is made. However thats not going to effect me I dont think this early. So fingers Crossed.

uhm so!! STEVEN QUIT which im rly sad for two reasons. one for him bc i know he wanted to do well and i hope hes doing ok and i geniunely wish the best for him and the other reason is selfish bc i literally.. planted my seeds on him already? like. all that work for nothin. and now we sitting here actin as if madison aint afk and aint gunna submit nothing..

like its the only reason ive done these dumb videos so that i wont be seen as the weak link if we ever lose again almdlddg.. but uhm hopefully my seeds that are in rhys/jones keep me safe bc if madison gets out here i have ryan/rhys/jones to keep me safe.. so im not gonna be that upset if we lose LOL esp bc ik linus/malik r gunna be scary af later on

hopefully we win tho? so i dont have to deal with this stress? i dont wanna relive louvre where i visitted every single premerge tribal except for 2.. even tho i did well hehe uhm. YAH WE’LL SEE :)

I'm kinda bummed that this last challenge wasn't immunity anymore because we smoked the other tribe, LOL. But at the same time, I'm glad cuz I wouldn't wanna lose the challenge after one of my tribe members quit, that'd just be sad as fuck, LOL.

Also, I feel a good rapport developing further between Danielle and I. I feel like her and I can dominate this game together, but I can't get too ahead of myself here. The first couple of rounds are meant to create social bonds and I feel like I've done a good job of that thus far. Only person I haven't talked to is Jaylen and I'm okay with that, cuz if we lose the immunity challenge, he's most likely the first one to go.

Okay, thankgoodness that the challenge was changed to reward last minuet. Because we wouldve gone to tribal.  Maddison is legit missing. I dont even care if we win or loose this next challenge because she needs to go.

So firstly that reward was weird like woo thanks pretty crown but there’s nothing else so I’m thinking that someone else has the clue and my best bet would be jaylen bc he got the Crown Jewels the most important piece. Overall I’m very nervous for this battleship challenge because in my mind it’s mostly luck based so my fate is really out of my hands.

Well, not much honestly but I'm gonna write a confessional for round 1 and stuff so I don't get a strike

The game is going okay I'm trying not to be aggressive talking to people, but just letting people come to me and make conversation right now honestly I'm trying to play UTR since I think considering madison doesn't exist right now I think I'm able to do that TBH. Hopefully it all works out.

I volunteered to do the battleship challenge thing because I have no life and it looked like no one else was gonna volunteer.

I actually know Linus he played with me in Epic SBB in Hell, so that's nice to not be going in with no connections period.

Sorry this wasn't that long but it's something I guess

If we lose probably another confessional will be writen but right now there isn't much to report

I’m for sure feeling a little bit more nervous now because a lot of this challenge is about being organised and teamwork and we could barely have someone sit out so fingers crossed

Heyo so we won the challenge so that was fun, and by fun I mean hell but hey we've got bragging rights, which is pretty much it since unfortunately Steven was medevaced out of da game so even though the other tribe lost they didn't go to tribal.

A bit annoying knowing you did that for nothing but oh well the other tribe seems to be having a rough time by itself with steven quitting and someone (Madison I think) not submitting anything lol

And I say for nothing bc technically we won reward but it was one of those first come first serve things and I only got seved a jpg image so nothing fancy there...

But at least now the next challenge is something where 8 out of 9 people on the tribe don't have to do anything and you bet your ass after that first challenge I'm gonna be one of the 8. David the unit took it upon himself to carry us to victory so godspeed lad.

However this challenge is pretty luck based so I'm saying fuck that I'm not talking my chances.

Following last confessional I talked to tobi about making an alliance and he was onboard, he proposed to have Jose on it which is great since that was my idea anyways, plus I told dani and she was also on board, and to finish up the hipotetical majority of 5 she said he was cool with Michael.

I haven't talked to him yet and Jose hasn't been online but hopefully we should be fine.

Ngl would like to have an alliance with david and felix too, david bc he seems like a total lad with the challenges and Felix because he later told me he felt the most confortable with me.

But regardless hopefully we won't even have to go to tribal (and if we do at least there are other options for the vote)

For now I shall be the dumb cheerleader of the bunch for a game of battleship.

Ahhh, I feel so bad that I lost the challenge for my tribe. I feel like going into a challenge with the weight of the win or loss stacked against you is huge. But I did come REALLY close and my tribe seems to respect that I almost got us the win. I don't think I'll go anywhere tomorrow for tribal, but you never know.

Yesss we won immunity. I’m happy we could after Steven left. They made our challenge a reward for that and we lost but it’s fine because WE WON immunity phew. And it’s all thanks to Wes. So far to me, Madison is looking the easiest vote off right now because I haven’t talked to her and I haven’t seen her so that’s my view on it. The three I talk to the most on my tribe are Rhys, Linus and Scoots. Then Ryan and Guacamole. Then Wes and finally Madison. I hope this game doesn’t pull a JPORG Fitzroy Island, I don’t wanna be screwed over by a random ass tribe swap. But I basically dig my tribe and hope that I won’t be the first to go.

Whew we won?! What. I thought we were gonna fuckin loose. Noah fence Wes.

Sad tings though because Madison is probably going to strike out. Oh well.

Ya boi still hasn’t gone to tribal so stay mad.

It’s fucking gross having to go to tribal council and I can’t be dealing but I seem to have found myself in two alliances with only dani connecting the two so I’m gonna work with dani to ride this middle ground and make it further

I’m going home omfg. I can’t really have a deep convo with anyone, which means I don’t have an alliance even though I’m sure one has been made ugh. I’m gonna focus on surviving this round then seeing what I can get set up next round. Wish me luck whew

I’m pissed because it’s super obvious that the other 7 on my tribe are in a mega tight alliance. Steven was my only alliance in this hole game, and like, he even told me he found an idol and then on his way out he didn’t even slip me the idol??? Can’t wait to be voted out 7-1 because he wanted a souvenir.

So the tea is that ahrre and I made an alliance of 5 which includes him, me, Jose, Dani, and Michael which I think is cute but they are really boring so meh idk I’ll just flip during merge x JDJSJD I’m a messy bitch

ugh i'm so glad we won immunity bc our tribe is already severely lacking in strong members bc Steven left us out to perish and Madison aint shown her face yet... so the numbers getting back to even is great for us <3

Right so unfortunately we lost the battleship game so that means we're heading to the first tribal of the game, fun stuff.

Now as we lost I got the Me-michael-jose-dani-tobi alliance set up. Meanwhile Felix was telling me that for him it was between Jose or Jaylen, since they've been the least active. Understandable but more understandable is that I'm in an alliance with Jose so for me it seems like it's gonna be Jaylen, who I also haven't spoken much with so I don't mind, albeit every tribal we go to before swapping or merging I see it as a potential ally down the line going home, which shucks.

Either way the alliance (and everyone else for that matter) agreed on jaylen, I also told Jose in kind words to get his shit together before he gets sent home but that's pretty much it. I'm gonna try to lay down for now I don't want to bring any unwanted attention to myself.

Hopefully tribal goes well.

Oh wow hi it’s me, Mo. Ok so currently the plan is to vote out Jaylen which I don’t have a problem with, it’s kinda sad because he is actually really nice but somewhat inactive. I’m on my way to get a burger and fries and I’m fucking ecstatic like I’m so fucking hungry it’s stupid. Also watch me get blindsided.

So we went into this chalenge on a high after wining the reward and I was the one who got the most points out of everyone :))). Although I’m nervous this will put a target on my back, I’m happy that I have kind of proven my dominance in this game! After losing the challenge, I’m upset!! This was all luck based which sucks! After that, I started talking more with Felix, David, Michael and Ahree. Within the span of like 30 minutes, I got added to 2 seperate groups. I was like “iiii” because this can get messy fast. Michael is in both of the groups as well so I don’t feel too bad because at least there is someone else in my position as well. I get along with Felix a lot and have had quite a few good convos with him! David seems to want to lead things in the group he made, which is whatever. Keeps the target off of me, especially if we go to tribal again. I expect to make more confessionals throughout the course of the game, usually videos but I’m pretty tired right now haha.

I just took a nap and there's no tribal and I'm always trying my best. My tribe doesn't hate me for some reason even though I sure would. Oh well. I really miss Steven I hope he's okay.

Steven quit half way through this episode. Then Jaylen was voted out 8-1. 

[codependentfarm-blog]

No More Car Rides Together

Well this next one was fun. Today we had to run some errands. By that I mean, my mother wanted to go to the hardware store and some other places in search of something specific.

So our morning starts with a trip to the tire store were I sat with mom behind the counter as my mother, who has a learning disability and a major hearing loss attempted to negotiate a simple concept with the teller so she felt comfortable with what she needed to know. With a full Saturday line of impatient people behind us.

My whole family suffers from genetic hearing loss and even I struggle with is from time to time. But I also know how the real world works and if a teller is saying no we dont have that, or this is your options, or anything really, Its not going to go anywhere if you attempt to negotiate with an agenda. My mother hasn’t learned this concept. She just learned to use a cell phone and text program in the last 5 years. She is just getting used to certain things and the world isnt slowing down at all for her to catch up. She still asks for help printing emails.

So at this point the man behind the counter is getting visibly annoyed and the line isn’t any happier. So my mother looks to me to translate for her and to repeat what the guy said. So I explain we are looking for this specific thing but if they have any improvements we are willing to look at better. At one point I volunteered the most critical secret nugget of information, I said, “we like our Hukscavarna and want it to stick around for another year or two,” which my mother later chastised me for because apparently she doesn’t like the thing and me speaking for her to the teller like that was just way out of turn. After getting the stink eye for that I wrapped it up and let my mother finish.

Leaving the store I could tell this was just gonna be a fun day. We get in the car, after the unsucessful store stop and my mother announces where she wants to go. I said, “I know what your thinking of but have no idea how to get there(something I had said several times by that point but whose counting). So tell me which direction you want me to go in and I will.” Like I said, this was the third or forth time I had repeated myself on that one. We reach a freeway on ramp and my mother tells me to get into the lane for the back roads. I do. Then she asks me, “we could take the freeway or the back way, what do you think.” I said the same phrase to her once more and realizing she wasn’t having non of my lack of participation I cut the silence with, “Either works, the freeway shouldn’t be crouded this time of day. But then neither way is on a Saturday here.” My mother responds with, “well we could take the freeway, its just I dont know what exit we are looking for.” I didn’t either so I said nothing. The traffic starts moving and I go forward in the lane im in, heading for the back roads. My mother imidiotly starts screaming for me to take the other road.

There was very little time to react. I got over with some grace and a lot of tension. But it really brought focus to how quickly we seem to go from 0-screaming. The realization made me very uncomfortable because I was now very aware of how trapped I was in a car with my mother. This situation had resulted in fights before. My mother in a car with me is just one more chance for her to talk to me. Not with me, but to me. She tells me her fears, her stresses, her plans, and her emotions about certain people places and things. She wants me to sit there and activily listen, participate, communicate and make her feel heard. All the while not actually contributing anything to conversation other than an interested ear for my mother to spill her guts to. Iv done this my whole life, years and years of listining to my mother talk about everything and when I needed to talk she would not return the favor. She was always to busy, doing something else, or willing to listen as long as I fallowed her around and helped her work while I talked. Which also meant she would interupt me to make a point because we were next to the thing she wanted to talk about.

Thats how her mind works. She doesnt retain much so when she remembers it she has to communicate it and its entire history of thought while its fresh in her head. And for a drivin workaholic person like her, every few minutes is full of a 47 minute allagory about what needs to be done, how it needs to be done and why. Its a lot to take. You get blind to it over the years, you get used to having those boundries violated regularly. Constantly being bambarded with what to do’s and how to do’s, morning noon and night. Everything came with instructions, lengthy instructions I was required to listen to. I thought all parents were like that till I met my husband and we discussed this behavior together. Moms behavior is harassing and overwhelming and it cost me my retirement to admit that to myself and allow myself to understand that most of its wrong.

We proceeded to drive around towns we bairly knew looking for a tractor dealership my mom saw once from the freeway. Much discussion about the yelling of freeway directions fallowed but I tried to keep is minimal and just repeat my I dont know, I will do what you tell me every time we reached a stop sign and mom asked me for directions with a,” What do you think.” I have learned to not give my opinion because im often told how its wrong and I dont want to hear that with everything in my life, even subjects Iv emerssed myself in that my mother has not. My mother was getting more and more annoyed. Both at our lost situation and at my lack of participation in the process. I was just concentrating on driving the stick shift truck down residential streets. One way or another I had made up my mind to wait till we got home to discuss my feelings on anysubject. I had learned a great tip, never argue with a violent person in a closed space you cant get out of. In fact, open spaces with exits and often something in between, like a couch or a mini bar. Helps keep the interaction healthier with a maintained boundary between two people at odds.

By the end of the trip the tension was high and we were both clearly uncomfortable in the space we were in. I took the time to listen to music in my head and be positive. When we got home I waited till we unloaded the car and settled before I said, “okay, I feel we need to talk about that a little because that was kinda uncomfortable,’” she took that opportunity to imidiotly agree with me. I went on, “So, its not likely we will be doing many more of those in the future. Weve discussed that before and not really stuck to it, but this time were probably not going to do that agian.” which she agreed to. The conversation continued with me saying I wouldnt like to put myself in that position again until we had had some therapy and I brought up the issue that it wasnt then likely because my mother has told me she doesnt have the time in her life to go to therapy with me. It seems this hit a nerve this time with her so she agreed to go to therapy and pay half because she was tired of me bringing that up against her. Which was nice. I said I would need to take some time back from mom because at this point she was screaming and upset and I wasnt up for that so I calmly said I would be stepping away from her for a little bit.

Once I said that it was the spanish inquisition from her as to what that meant, what was I going to do or not do. What could she expect or count on. Essentially black and whiting it. I said I didn’t know, that this was new to me, boundaries and all and I was likely to mess it up but right now I just needed to get away from the yelling and stress so she may not see me to much. And I walked away.

Later I reflected that I felt good about the encounter. I stayed calm, didnt manipulate or have an attitude. Waiting till I got to safe place to have a heavy discussion and then walked away after announcing my intentions to do so without sarcasm. And then my husband came home from work and we went on hike together and had a wonderful evening. It felt good, but at the same time very heavy. Change is hard.

#Motherstress #motherspillsherguts #emotionalincest #overwhelmed #hurtfulmothers #developmentaldisorders #abusivemothers #notalone #reachingout #apergerssyndrome #healthyfamilyboundries #healthymotherdaughterboundries #healthymotherdaughterrelationships #farmfamilies #animalrescue #workaholic #enmeshed #codependent #codependentmother #therapy #workaholicmother #workaholicparent